#so i blacked out for 3 days after rereading this scene

[serennes-art]

breaking the news to ximena

comic illustration of a couple of scenes from chapter 11 of coming home (but not to you) by @lesbianherald

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi! I'd like to hear more of your thoughts on Rebecca and Eric from "Luster" by Raven Leilani. I just reread it recently and yeah, it is incredible (saying this as an almost 23-year-old Black woman that sort of identifies with Edie).

I really enjoy both Rebecca and Eric as characters - and within their separate relationships to Edie. However, it's really hard for me to understand which scenes/instances - besides the obvious humiliation they both participate in in regards to Edie - that show explicitly Rebecca's issues with rage and Eric's more absolute loserish tendencies.

I mean, I'm not completely unaware of the unsavory ways in which they act; not going to list them all out. But some of the reviews - including yours - and even interviews with Raven Leilani that talk more about the characters, don't go as in-depth as I'm looking for. I feel like the ogre reading Joyce :(

[The lines from the book I've been thinking of most often - though not my favorites are Eric saying "I don't think of you as a person at all" and (I'm gonna get the wording kind of wrong, but) "I cry everywhere and often" near the beginning of the book]

I hope this is asking too much. I really enjoyed your review and I'm already kind of looking forward to reading it again because of it <3

hi anon,

well Rebecca, to me, is impossible to read as anything BUT a white woman hitting middle age and realizing that she made all the "right" choices - she has a job that pays well and she married a stable man and together they adopted a child and got a good house in a good (read: white) neighborhood - and still isn't actually happy with her life.

I mean, what does Rebecca actually have going on? she's exercising furious control over her body via furious physical activity because it's one of the only things she can feel in charge of. she pushes the same on her daughter, making a child count calories in a way that's absolutely going to give her a complex. she didn't want the child in the first place; she tells Edie verbatim that she never wanted to be a mother and while I do think she cares about Akila's well-being I think she also knows that she's wildly ill-equipped trying to parent a traumatized Black girl. she's in an "open" marriage that reeks of "we either had to open the marriage or get divorced" that she micromanages from afar so that Eric gets as little freedom as possible with Edie in the early stage of their relationship; Rebecca doesn't actually want Eric to fuck someone else, she wants him to get tired of trying and come back to her.

after the initial humiliation of trapping Edie at their anniversary party Rebecca remains emotionally distant towards her; even after she invites Edie to stay in her house she stays mercurial and her mood is subject to switch on a dime, always falling back into little power plays to remind Edie she's in charge, because Edie is a safer and easier target for Rebecca's pent up frustrations than her husband or daughter. she's exactly warm enough to Edie to make it hurt more when she's callous and mean, which I don't think is strictly intentional (I don't think Rebecca consciously knows what the hell she's trying to get out of their dynamic, either) but is still an extremely shitty way to treat a vulnerable young woman who's currently completely dependent on her for shelter.

arguably the most relaxed we ever see her is when she takes Edie to a mosh pit, because that's one of the only moments of unrestrained emotional authenticity that Rebecca gets to have - and it's wildly outside the norm of her day to day life, something that she's supposed to have left behind when she started dating Eric. Rebecca is so furiously dissatisfied with everything about her life and I frankly think she'd be happier if she disappeared in the night to go be a bartender or a roadie and never saw her husband or daughter again, but she'll never do that because you Can't do that, not if you're a respectable woman trying to cling to the signifiers of success that you worked so hard for.

re: Eric being a loser I really don't know what I need to cite other than him having a wife and a girlfriend and not treating either of them well tbh

[starryskiescottagepies]

★ Marauders (mostly wolfstar) fics I have enjoyed recently ★

I think most people are already familiar with these, but I figured I’d compile a list for at least my own sake, if not for the fuck of it. No particular order, just whichever one popped into my mind first. Also I almost exclusively read regular magical fics, not muggle aus, though sometimes I will branch out.

1.) The Horcrux Hunt - lostmy_keys

He is a Slytherin, a Black, and an ex-Death Eater. Of course he makes it out of the cave.

Regulus sets out to destroy the Dark Lord's Horcrux with no one but a house-elf to help, until he realises his task is bigger than he alone can handle. Reluctantly he turns to the only man Voldemort fears for assistance - Dumbledore - who loans out his pet wolf for the job, much to Regulus's dismay. Together they embark on a hunt for Horcruxes - a long and arduous journey that both makes friendships and destroys them. And a few people get hurt along the way.

Slowburn Wolfstar, Regulus character development, a very flirty (but platonic) Regulus and Remus friendship, and a canonically manipulative Dumbledore.

This is by far one of my recent favourites. It’s too good. I’m not super into jegulus, but if that’s your thing, the sequel has them as a kind of background development :]

2.) Let Nothing You Dismay - montparnasse

There are a few things Sirius really didn't count on for Christmas of 1979. The extreme sexual confusion is one of them; Remus Lupin is approximately seventy-eight of the rest.

I bookmarked this with a note saying “this writing style is gorjus. Gongepus” at 1:30 in the morning, and that’s all I have to say about that.

3.) disintegration - moonymoment

Okay I won’t even bother putting the summary here, almost everyone has read it, it’s fantastic. Knife cutting vampire themed sexual tension, kak long too. Sound good? Lekker. Thought so.

4.) Stealing Harry (and its subsequent cinematic universe) - copperbadge

On a dark night long ago, Sirius Black took a wrong turn and never found Peter Pettigrew. Instead of Azkaban, Sirius settled down in Little Whinging to keep an eye on his godson, and hired Remus Lupin to run his bookshop for him. Then one day when Harry was eight, Sirius found out how the Dursleys treated him, and stole him away.

I’m going to make a whole separate post about this one because it’s a work of art. It’s so sweet. Ahh. It’s an iconic old series too, started before I even existed. It’s been one of my favourite things as of late. I wish it had been completed, but I also love it as it is, and I don’t feel I need any more than that. The first story is beautiful, but frankly it’s the alternative universe which comes after that I keep rereading. So so so so so good.

5.) Remain in Light - veeagainst

What if Sirius Black didn’t die? It’s been done many times. Here’s my take on it.

One of the best “wolfstar kind of adopts Harry” sorts of stories in my opinion, and done so in such a graceful way too. Blood sweat tears and six whole years (!!!!) of writing went into this thing and you can really see how no word was wasted. What a beautiful story

6.) The Bent - earlybloomingparenthesis

1985, London. The wizarding queer art scene revolves around a gallery called the Bent, where conceptual artist Remus Lupin and photographer Sirius Black exhibit their works, and a club called the Bush, where they spend time with Jane and Lily Potter, who work at a nearby heath clinic. Although war with Voldemort was averted, the wizarding world is still simmering with tension. In the face of increasing intolerance and calls for censorship, Remus’ art takes a riskier, more political turn, and he must figure out how to balance self-expression and safety. Also, he might be falling in love with his best friend.

It’s been a while since something ive read has caused my to need to go on a walk and just think. This story will make you do that. Queer truths and families and mess and art. That’s it that’s the book. It’s one of the nine fics I’ve thrown into my “lifechanging fanfics” collection and it’s there for a REASON! You will not regret reading it.

[moonsun2010]

I'm mad Tumblr ate my anon asks (it's not appearing in my Drafts????) but luckily I have a copy saved to my email so:

HEY YOUR DRACULA ANIMATIC IS SO SO GOOD I can't comment on youtube (bc I have no account) but I've watched it like 10 times now, the song fits so well and the art is incredible, I love all your character designs and the way you portray all the scenes is so spot on!

I just finished re: dracula and idk how you managed to tell the whole story so well in under 4 minutes but it was amazing I love the way you use color in the animatic, the use of mostly black/white/grey is so good for evoking the specific type of horror story this is, and it makes the red in the blood and in dracula's eyes stick out in a way that is absolutely brilliant and that last shot with the sunset is GORGEOUS and then the epilogue!!! I love that you did the epilogue to and having the gentle piano music and doing it in full color gives it such a peaceful and comforting feeling, the drawing of quincey and lucy in it in the afterlife together is so sweet <3 the detail that went into this is amazing, like the captain of the demeter having the rosary even though we only see it for a second, I keep wanting to pause on every single frame so I can properly admire all the cool art lol, also the things like jonathan's beard growing out after dracula breaks the mirror, and the rosary hanging above his bed, and dracula still having the scar from the shovel in the final showdown

AND THE PART WHERE DRACULA CATCHES THE LETTER... literally the way you tell the whole story with (almost) NO WORDS in not even 4 minutes and the whole thing flows so smoothly is incredible I love the way you do like the zoom out thing on some places, it adds a whole new dimension to it visually also the way you draw mina and jonathan after the october 3rd bit is lovely, your jonathan looks so cool with the white hair and i love how you did mina's scar, and the part where her scar disappears at the end was such a cool way to depict that and the difference between human lucy and vampire lucy is done so well, like it's so clearly the same character but you can really see how she's not herself anymore, and the way you used that when they kill vampire lucy and show arthur's resolve to use the stake bc he's now seeing her as a monster who replaced and essentially killed the woman he loved and he wants revenge, literally I will never be over how much story and emotion you managed to fit into a single music video and the way you did quincey's death? crying at that part tbh.

AND THE FRAME OF DRACULA GETTING BEHEADED WITH THE RED BACKGROUND.... IS JUST *chef's kiss* I was going to say I have no words for how much I love this but clearly I have quite a lot of words lol, thank you tumblr for not having a character limit anyway have a good day/night :)

Anon I'm so sorry for this delayed reply,,, I kept rereading this in awe and didn't want to release it into the wild (and it still got eaten anyways-)

I'm so glad you enjoyed the character design!! It's not my strong suit at all so that's reassuring. The colour scheme lowkey started out as a timesaving measure, but it also allowed for me to render scenes with detail that I otherwise couldn't've with the tight time frame I had, since at the time I was also juggling university assignments. I'm glad the sunset scene hit as hard as it did, since I had also just discovered Disco Elys/ium, so it was an attempt to emulate Rostov's illustration of Harry on Filippe III's statue). It worked out in the end anyways, since the grayscale + red accent combined with a colourful epilogue gave a "the horror is now in the past, and we are in a (literally visually) livelier future)" <3

I've seen so many people say they want to pause on each frame to examine it in detail, and guess what, you can get a zip file of them all as watermarkless pngs in my kofi! For free! It's pay-what-you-want since I just really wanted to get as many eyes on this as possible, but any tips would definitely still be appreciated.

It was fun mapping out the match cuts and transitions e.g Dracula catching the letter, Mina and Dracula with Lucy in the churchyard, since the previous semester I'd taken a storyboarding class that taught that, so I HAD to include it. Zoom outs helped add visual interest to otherwise still shots, so I'm glad they didn't come off as overdone haha.

It was tough mapping out what storybeats to include, but I'm super happy that the angst for all the key moments in the video hit right :D Was worried about losing momentum after leaving the Jonathan in Dracula's castle bit, and so I really wanted the ending of each verse(?) to correspond with a red screen injury— notice that "you'd better let yourself off and, while you still have strength in your legs, escape from this horrible hell/你最好放过自己 趁双脚还有力气, 快逃出这可怕地狱" always ends with some character harming another, and when the verse repeats again but with the ending lyrics changed "you’d better let yourself off, rather than crying out to another, “Save me!”... Save me!/你最好放过自己 胜过跟谁叫救命... 救命!", it still ends with Van Helsing staking the 3 vampire women. And of course, the ending "escape from this horrible hell/快逃出这可怕地狱" ends with the sunset, its red now replacing that of the blood the characters had to spill previously, signalling an end to their necessary monstrosity (and also a literal monster with Dracula dying).

Like with the frame of Dracula getting beheaded, the timesaving measures, limited skills (plus lack of any sort of storyboarding software, I was just ""animating"" the movements with Shotcut) forced me to find creative workarounds. I could fill at least 3 pages with writing dissecting all my choices lol but idt therell be much interest in me analysing my own art. Thank you so much for watching my animatic :)

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: August 2024

The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting cooler. The summer is waning. But the monthly media posts carry on. Here's how I spent the month of August.

……….FILM……….

Wendell & Wild (2022) I don't want this to be one of the last major stop-motion film to ever be made, but the filmmakers put so many stories into this that I wonder if they thought this was their last shot. Essentially a 12-course meal from a great restaurant: the accomplishment is impressive but the whole is overstuffed and some of the smaller portions were undercooked.

Love Lies Bleeding (2024) The lightly surreal elements of the movie were great, but there's a point late in the story when that surreality kills all of the momentum.

Spice World (1997) Still holds up.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023) Still amazed at how well this pulls off what it seeks to do. But maybe I'm biased because I love practical effects, puppets, and action scenes that serve the narrative. We may not get another D&D movie but I'm glad we have this one.

Deadpool & Wolverine (2024) Based on other live-action multiverses, I went in with modest expectations, and this was a pleasant surprise. Maybe it's because it continues to do what Deadpool does well. Thoroughly entertaining in the moment.

……….TELEVISION……….

Neon Genesis Evangelion (Episode 1.14 to 1.20) It's been a couple of years since I stopped watching (mid season!) but luckily one of the episodes was essentially a recap of what's happened so far. Really ramping up in the abstract and the philosophical and I'm a big fan. These kids are meeeeeeeessed up.

Made for Love (Episode 2.01 to 2.08) I only really caught the first season in pieces but I knew enough going into this season that it really clicked! It hit me the same way early Black Mirror episodes felt, only with more humour, depth, and nuance. It's a real shame there's no plans for season 3.

……….YOUTUBE……….

I think this will be a Short Video by Matthew Colville A really great reflection on making art in the social age, the algorithm, communities/audiences, and how these can clash with the natural impulses of creativity. VIDEO

I'm What the Culture Feeling (The full story of Kendrick Vs. Drake) by F.D. Signifier Almost 3.5 hours but for someone like me (who knows next to nothing of this world, these artists, or this conflict) it expertly breaks it all down to paint a complete picture. Really great watch. VIDEO

……….READING……….

Cards On the Table by Agatha Christie (Complete) Top-tier Christie. The premise is so fun, and while I know the multiple detectives appear in other stories, it's a nice introduction to these characters. This book made me want to learn how to play Bridge.

The People of the Black Circle and A Witch Shall Be Born by Robert E. Howard (Complete) I have this collection of Conan stories and after a years-long break, decided to read a few more. Both great! The latter puts Conan in an almost supporting role and it's fun to see him take on a secondary role to the story. Keeps it interesting. And the former is such a classic pulp story (cults, magic clothing, a giant snake) that I can't help but love it.

Delicious in Dungeon Volume 14 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) It's been a 6-year-long journey for me and while I couldn't be happier with how it ended, I'm sad that it's over. Still so impressed with how well it stuck the landing for me. Do I wish there was more of a wind-down with these characters? Sure. But I really respect an artist who knows what they want to say/do and says/does it. Very excited to see what Ryoko does next.

Hellboy Library Volume 1 by Mike Mignola with John Byrne (Complete) Without being hyperbolic, this is one of my favourite contributions to the craft. So confident and fully-formed right out of the gate. Excited to reread this series.

……….AUDIO……….

The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess by Chappel Roan (2023) Technically I started listening to this at the end of July. I saw a positive review, figured I'd check it out, and it felt like that was at the same time everyone else in the world was talking about her. Love an album with such a focused perspective.

Currents by Tame Impala (2015) In recent years I've been really enjoying Tame Impala's one-off songs (Barbie and Dungeons & Dragons soundtracks, their collaboration with Gorillaz, etc.) so I figured I'd really dig into this album. Easy to listen to both casually in the background and with a magnifying glass just pouring over the lyrics. Love it.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) Only got a few sessions in this month but the crew is still reassembling the skeletal pirate they trashed years (real time) ago. Now they're about to face a big electric centipede to recover his legs.

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 crew split the party and one half casually shopped and planned while the other half discovered a secret testing facility full of captured magic-users.

Wonderland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) We got in a single session of Wonderland and it was a small party but a lot of fun! Also the first true character death of our playtesters. Luckily we had backup characters though character 2 ended the session losing their arm. Hey that's Wonderland.

And that's it. See you in September!

[olenvasynyt]

What made you want to write ACOEAS? What was the first scene you wrote for the fic?

Aghhh fun question yessss omg! I love talking about the behind the scenes of ACOEAS, because you guys actually have no idea how crazy I am when it comes to writing this fic lmao.

So I actually wanted to practice writing more (I have an original fantasy series that I was writing at the time) and I was so fixated on Lucien and Jesminda after rereading ACOTAR that I decided to start writing little scenes that I always daydreamed about. I didn't even think about sharing it or publishing it on Ao3 because it was a very self-indulgent thing, but I got so into it that the little scenes turned into a giant multi-chapter fic that I have been writing non-stop for over 3 years😂

And ooooh my first scene I ever wrote ooooh... honestly don't remember the first ever scene because I wrote it on my notes app so long ago and I changed a lot once I figured out this was going to be a bigger thing. But I can think of three scenes:

My very first chapter was going to be Eris' birthday party which happens later on. It's very different now---a shit ton more plot and it was initially in Lucien's POV instead of in Eris' POV! And also Andras was there as an emissary from Spring lmao. There was going to be a little exchange between Andras and Lucien that was a bit like the exchange between Rhys and Lucien in chapter 3. But I have one part of the chapter that I kept that I have barely changed and that's this dialogue between Lucien and drunk Eris:

“I noticed that none of my gifts had your name on them, Lucien.  I will have to find the servant who misplaced it so I can punish them.” “I did not get you a gift.” Cold, cutting words.  Lucien did not bother side-stepping and skirting around as he usually did.  Eris smirked.  “And why not?” he crooned. “I have many brothers, Eris.  It’s hard to remember the birthdays for all of them.” He laughed.  “Summer is the season for your brothers’ birthdays, so it should be a little easier.” His lips felt heavy with wine as he added, “Except you, of course.  Our mother’s winter child.”

Another scene that I can think of writing is a scene that happens much much later on but is very different now too, and it was Tamlin and Lucien at a party. I took some of the dialogue and put it in chapter 8 where Lucien goes to Lady Spring's equinox party, and I took other bits of dialgue and put it in this future chapter that happens much later down the road. Tamlin and Lucien were at a party in Day and Day had invited the Night Court and Tamlin's brothers were supposed to get into a fist fight with the batboys 😂

And another scene I can think of writing was this fight Lucien and Jesminda have later on in the fic and the vibes are the exact same and the fight is for the exact same reasons and it's basically their big confession moment and aghhhhhhh I can't spoil it but omg. 😭😭😭💕 I love them

And the fourth scene I can think of is actually one of the chapters I put out recently, which was The Cinnamon Lark!!! It has big spoilers for those who haven't read it but it's the very end. This sentence is probably one of the first sentences I wrote for ACOEAS that's basically been unedited since I wrote it in 2022 😂

The sound of screaming below woke him so suddenly that he nearly threw himself out of the tree.  Lucien blinked, disoriented by the swaying of his hammock. His lantern went out while he was sleeping, and the little light that had been left over from the sunset when he set up camp was gone.  Black consumed his vision, and the strange, eerie silence made him feel like he was being smothered. That had not been fae-like screams.  What he had heard was more animalistic, accompanied by snarling and the sound of scurrying on the forest floor.

That whole scene was going to end very differently: it was actually supposed to have Jesminda rescuing Lucien from the hiisi with her axe 👀 but I decided to change it a bit. It would still work pretty well but I felt like it moved their relationship along too quickly. I do have a chapter later on that oh damn it I can't spoil that oops sorry 😂😂

Thank you for the question!!

[greenhorn-art]

Keep Your Head Up to the Sky (As Your Day Unfolds) by alphera [Twitter]

Illustrated by Shirou_UOHS @shirou-oh-sakura

Fandom: 全职高手 | The King's Avatar

Rating: General Audiences

Category: M/M

Words: 9 270

Time is rarely kind, and impossible to escape. At the ripe old age of 30, Han Wenqing retires from the Glory Professional Alliance and moves forward the only way he knows how: fearlessly and without hesitation.

About the Book

FONTS: Coelacanth, Segoe UI Emoji

IMAGES: Illustrations by Shirou; pastel sky ID: 7007221 from Rawpixel; dark blue sky ID: 7044483 from Rawpixel; Han Wenqing & Desert Dust image from The King's Avatar Wikia; Ye Xiu & Lord Grim image also from TKA Wikia; Glory card png also made by Shirou via Discord

MATERIALS: regular ol' printer paper (8.5"x11", 20lb, 96 bright); ~1.5mm chipboard; Neenah cardstock (8.5"x11", 65lb, bright white); Iris bookcloth (Madeira colour); paper from Gilded Ink paper pad by Recollections; waxed linen thread (30/3 size, white); wheat paste (1:4 flour:water)

PROGRAMS USED: typeset in Affinity Publisher 2; endpapers designed with Affinity Designer 2 and Affinity Photo 2; imposed with Renegade's Community Imposer (settings: Quarto, snug against binding edge, signatures of 2 sheets).

Text & QR codes printed with colour laser printer (duplex, flip long edge), images printed with inkjet printer (HP Envy 5055; one sheet at a time, single sided, place facedown in tray)

BINDING: quarto (quarter-letter) size, sewn board binding with french link stitch and breakaway spine.

.

Absolutely LOVED this story! I've reread this one a number of times, and keep going back for more. Alphera's writing is so good! Ye Xiu is the series protagonist so things usually follow him, which makes it refreshing to see a story through Han Wenqing's eyes. And the author does it SO WELL! AHHH!

It's been a while since my first read-through, but I'm pretty sure this was the first TKA fic that I actually downloaded and started typesetting. Absolutely chuffed to have it finished! (Love me some growth-- the typeset looks a LOT better than my earlier attempts!)

RAMBLES

Another sewn board binding and breakaway spine! Since this isn't my first go at it, the construction of the book was considerably faster and smoother than my last one. It's just as well, because I ran into a speed bump that stretched out how long it took to typeset and print.

The culprit: (very pretty) illustrations. My laser's colour printing capabilities are shot to hell, so I used my inkjet for the artwork. This involved creating 3 copies of my typeset: 1) the completed typeset; 2) just the text, images hidden; 3) just the images, text hidden/white. Then I ran them through the imposer and printed the text version. The real issue was figuring out how to feed the sheets through my inkjet printer to print the images where I want them. Had to go one page at a time, single-sided. (Just need to place sheet facedown in the tray. So flip along vertical axis.) It took a while, but I got there in the end. And the results were SO worth it! 😊

For the scene breaks I left them as written. I had tried inserting images of the Glory Logo and account card, or using crossed swords emojis ⚔️, but nothing I tried worked as well as what the author did. (It's really neat! Different characters were used to indicate the direction of the timeskip: >>>> for a jump forward in time; <<<< for a flash into the past; and ==== for regular scene breaks, a 'next' rather than 'before' or 'later/after'.)

The cover and endpapers were based off of Shirou's fantastic cover illustration of HQW and YX walking hand-in-hand down a beach at sunset. The art itself is phenomenal so I had it stand alone as a frontispiece and didn't do anything fancy with the title page. For the covers, I looked through my decorative paper stash for something red or black to represent HWQ or Team Tyranny. What I found was paper with pinks, oranges, and purples similar to that illustration -- and that was that. I liked how the colours matched the art, and the gold splashed across it. (Gold for victory, gold for wedding rings and a happy golden future together.)

(Sidenote: I love how the beginning of the end of HWQ's career as an e-sports player "starts with a tingle in his ring finger", leading him and YX to taking the next steps in their relationship and eventually getting married 💍🖐)

I went with a red bookcloth for the spine because it's a common team colour for Tyranny, Excellent Era, and Happy. It also represents good fortune, courage, passion, and love -- things that come to mind when I think about YX, HWQ, and HanYe. The particular shade of red I used is Madeira. It's darker than Ruby Red and leans a little cooler, which suits the decorative paper more.

The endpapers use two background images (overlayed, adjusted, using multiple blending modes) and some images of HWQ and YX from The King's Avatar Wikia.

The background images are from Rawpixel -- I was just minding my own business looking for images of clouds and maybe some mountains to represent overcoming challenges/glory/looking up to the sky, when I found some clouds with the same sunset colours of Shirou's art. Figured it was too perfect, and if I'm going to lean into that design-wise, I might as well go whole hog and full-ass it. Then I found a starry night sky to add some darker blues and stars to it to match. After that it was a matter of overlapping them and positioning them to fit. I also grabbed some images of HWQ and YX from the King's Avatar Wikia and added them to it because HanYe. (After removing the backgrounds).

[x-on-the-calendar-business]

ryan ross iceberg (tier 2)

tier 1, tier 3, tier 4, tier 5, tier 6, tier 7, tier 8

the tip of the iceberg:

the young veins:

this is the band that ryan and jon started after they split from panic! it included a few other members, and often times ryan’s good friends z berg and alex greenwald (of phantom planet), who will be mentioned more later on. they only released one album in 2010, called take a vacation! they played some live shows, but at the end of that same year, they went on an indefinite hiatus. HOWEVER, they made an official instagram account and have been active this year!! it’s likely that it's because there will be vinyl repress (further supported by a comment jon left on their only post) but it’s super cool nonetheless [i].

this is a personal aside, but i honestly like this band more than anything panic! released post split, with the exception of new perspective and the calendar. like god this was such a good fucking band.

dottie, elwood, and hobo:

these were all ryan’s dogs.

hobo was the dog he got in 2006. however, when he and keltie (we will discuss her soon) broke up, she took her with her [ii].

dottie was a dog he got circa 2015.

elwood is the dog he got in 2017.

i’m not sure if ryan still has dottie and elwood since he has pretty much disappeared from the internet.

eta: i misspelled elwood's name as elmwood in the iceberg image. sorry about that!

z berg:

this is one of ryan’s exes and his bestie. they dated around 2009/2010. they still hang out today and he’s made appearances at these events she does called proms. she gives us the majority of ryan content that we’ve gotten in the past few years.

he featured on one of her songs, “the bad list,” and she featured of the young veins cover of “nothing matters but you.” she will come up more in other entries as well, which is why i'm not going super in depth here.

throam:

whew.

this is a ryden fic – probably the most iconic after the milk fic – called the heart rate of a mouse, written by anna green. it was originally posted on livejournal, and it’s LONG, coming in at 3 volumes and over 500k words.

the plot summary is that in the 1970s, ryan is the lead singer/guitarist of a famous band called the followers, and brendon is a roadie on their tour. brendon is openly gay, and ryan and brendon start hooking up, even though ryan is “straight.” from there, the series becomes 3 volumes of angst and pining. of course, there’s so much more that happens, but i won’t say too much for the sake of spoilers.

despite it being a ryden fic, it’s incredibly well written (if you’re able to get past the explicit smut), so i do recommend reading it at least once in your life. i’m gonna keep it 100, i’ve read this series at least 10 times with a yearly reread and have physical copies of it.

anna also wrote some ficlets to go along with it, such as one from brendon’s pov and just some extra stuff that didn’t end up in the final cut. she also wrote a lot of other iconic fics (all of which i also recommend), like the black rose season, how a resurrection really feels, posing in a ballroom, miguel sanchez’s grand slam of love, amongst many, many others. sadly, she purged her entire livejournal account, so you would have to turn to internet archives to read anything other than throam [iii].

unfortunately, this fic also reached the icon status that the milk fic did so multiple people from the bandom sphere know about it and have acknowledged it. for example, keltie, ryan’s ex-girlfriend, has read it and mentioned it on twitter multiple times (embarrassing for her but whatever) [iv]. jon tweeted about it once [v]. also, i swear that vicky t from cobra starship mentioned it (i wanna say it was on instagram, but i could be wrong); however, i can’t find the comment she made anymore.

link to throam for those who are curious

jac and keltie:

these are two of ryan’s exes from the panic! days.

jac vanek was a scene queen in the early 2000s, and they dated from november 2005 until feburary 2006 [vi]. it was a pretty cringey teenage relationship that was overly (grossly) chronicled on livejournal, and if you’re interested to read more, there will be a link in a later tier.

an interesting tidbit is that while ryan was dating jac, brendon was dating another scene queen named audrey kitching, which will also come up later in this iceberg.

keltie knight (née colleen) and ryan started their relationship in august 2006 after meeting at the vmas, where panic! was performing and keltie was a backup dancer (she was a rockette). he was 19 and she was 24, which may not seem like a big deal, but it definitely played into some power dynamics in their relationship. for example, in keltie’s book, she says she often had pay ryan's bills for him. also in her book, she stated that he didn't take their relationship seriously, leading him to propose to her and asking her to move in (maybe he wasn't taking it as seriously as you because he was barely in his 20s keltie just a thought). they broke up in 2009 right before the split. we’ll touch on that again later. there is honestly so much more that i could say about this relationship/keltie, but some of it will be covered in this iceberg and the rest will be linked along with the jac info.

sun and moon:

another ryden entry. this refers to a theory about ryan and brendon about which one is considered the moon, and the other is the sun; it’s based on their personalities, like who embodies which more. polar opposites and all that. when ryden was still relevant, who is the moon vs who is the sun was a hotly debated topic (ryan is the moon, while brendon is the sun is the only correct answer).

this also loosely tied into some lyrics from panic and their solo music. for example, when the day met the night is often referenced in relation to this theory, although this song is definitely about keltie [vii]. also, in 2014 ryan wrote lonely moonlight, which also could refer back to this theory and kind of calls back to the lyrics in when the day met the night [viii]. however, this song is most likely about keltie too, if not another past relationship (not brendon).

dead end kids club:

this is a band/touring project that ryan was part of, including z berg, dan keyes, and the band palm springsteen. it was first announced in july, 2019. later that same year, they went on tour, hitting 8 cities for fall balls. this was referred to as the “1st annual” but….[ix]

in 2020, they released a song called lonesome town that featured a lot of videos from fans [x]. also that year, palm springsteen was accused of assault, which dekc posted a couple of statements about on twitter, here and here, stating that they had been removed from the project “a long time ago” [xi]. they pretty much disbanded after that and haven’t been active since october 2020.

livejournal:

iconic. livejournal (aka lj) was basically tumblr before tumblr existed. similarly, it could be used as a personal blog, a place to post rpf fic, an emo poetry hub, a photo album, etc. it’s on this iceberg because ryan was very prolific on livejournal, under the username i_amclandestine, and it’s essentially where panic! got its start. ryan made contact with pete wentz through lj, sending him the early demos, which lead to pete signing them and then cue domino effect to a taylor swift song.

anyway, ryan made many iconic posts on there, some of which will be addressed directly in this iceberg, but i will leave a link to an archive of his lj account for further viewing. he made his last post in june of 2006, but he deleted the account in july of that year after receiving a spam of hate. at the same time, brendon changed his (part_time_lovah) to friends only [xii].

along with the links to ryan’s old lj, i’m also going to link a youtube video by one of my favorite channels, the cozy representative, in which julian goes through ryan’s posts.

this is the web archive for ryan’s lj (does not include his last post):

this is a tumblr masterpost of all of his entries, including the last one missing from the above link:

and finally, julian’s video:

ryan and spencer childhood besties:

ryan and spencer became friends when they were around 5 or so years old, which was always the saddest part of the 2009 split to me. ryan and spencer were in the og band before panic!, which will be discussed later.

in 2016, spencer’s wife tweeted that ryan and spencer were still friends. however, ryan did not attend spencer’s wedding, which could have been for a number of reasons, one of which we will also discuss more heavily later on [xiii]. of course, there is no way for us to know whether ryan wasn’t invited or if he just decided not to go.

mcr makes me dance:

in 2004, ryan went to the chemicalromance livejournal community and posted, “hey im ryan im new i live in las vegas my chemical romance makes me dance” and history was made [xiv]. this became a "meme" amongst panic! fans, and they started bringing signs with that phrase written on them for ryan told in pics. this has continued even in recent times.

newsboy cap:

this is another iconic piece of ryan ross fashion. he wore it a lot in 2004-2006 cause he’s a little fruity. like seriously, this hat had him in the biggest chokehold.

now, we move onto some of the deeper stuff and into the waters.

tier 3

references:

[i] https://www.instagram.com/theyoungveinsmusic/

[ii] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/171475122211/did-keltie-knight-ever-steal-ryans-dog-or

[iii] https://web.archive.org/web/20170606154418/http:/beggarsnotes.livejournal.com/

[iv] https://youngveins.tumblr.com/post/141384273691/keltie-has-read-throam-this-is-not-the-twitter

[v] https://twitter.com/iamjonwalker/status/958805938227433472

[vi] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/170958104996/the-tragic-love-life-of-ryan-ross-part-2

[vii] https://genius.com/Panic-at-the-disco-when-the-day-met-the-night-lyrics

[viii] https://genius.com/Ryan-ross-lonely-moonlight-lyrics

[ix]https://www.instagram.com/thedeadendkidsclub/?hl=en

[x] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzcWGQQiFDU

[xi] https://twitter.com/DeadEndKidsClub/status/1275849828459823105, https://twitter.com/DeadEndKidsClub/status/1283511345330049026

[xii] https://prettyoddfever.tumblr.com/post/629056560433446912/why-ryan-ross-deleted-his-livejournal-and-brendon

[xiii] https://pathetic-at-the-disco.tumblr.com/post/171901498176/so-i-saw-your-ryanspencer-post-and-i-was-just

[xiv] https://chemicalromance.livejournal.com/96360.html?page=1

[confusedbyinterface]

Because it is a shamefully wicked thing to strip the body naked at a banquet among the drunken and licentious, it does not follow that it is a sin to be naked in the baths.

St Augustine, On Christian Doctrine

Rereading Chapter 14 of Misericorde, and I've got a few thoughts about it.

1: 🤔

Look, I know Hedwig having trouble applying her encyclopedic scriptural knowledge is a running theme, but it's still very funny that Hedwig, embarrassed at the prospect of seeing Eustace and Moira nude, says "But what if I start having lustful thoughts? That would be incest!" and Eustace goes "You know 'Sister' is just a title, we're not actual blood relatives"

Also interesting how Moira makes such a bit deal out of Hedwig's black hair being a sign of melancholy, then acts like the only incongruous thing about her black hair is that she's Irish.

2: Uncleanliness and spiritual despair

One huge theme in this chapter is Hedwig's sense of unworthiness. First, when reflecting on her vision she thinks herself unworthy of having been given a vision, that while of course God is all powerful and all seeing, that maybe she is worth less than the lillies of the field and the sparrow that falls (incidentally I'm not sure what she means about Augustine's warning against allegorizing too heavily: her error here seems more like his warning not to misread rhetorical questions.)

Hedwig talks about "the indignity of the laundry water incident [being] something that would stick with [her] permanently". There's an obvious literal meaning of it being upsetting, but think back to her vision: the dog became sick after eating fritters soaked through with the laundry water. Whether the dog represents Hedwig or someone else, it's clear the laundry water is being associated with sin here (Proverbs 26:11, 2 Peter 2:22), either as sin itself or the actions of other provoking one to sin. Hedwig feels like even if she is washed clean, she'll still feel somehow tainted.

When getting Moira's clothes, Hedwig spills her ink, and feels unable to deal with it or tell Moira. She feels that there's no way Moira could forgive her for that. Fortunately Kumasawa uses finite magic to fix the bottle and put the ink back inside before Campy knocks it over again, but Hedwig still feels like even a clumsy mistake is enough to destroy her relationship with Moira.

And at the feast, Hedwig feels unworthy of being celebrated. She's the Mother Superior's spy, betraying everyone's trust by her very presence. Everything keeps coming back to a sense of worthlessness, contamination, and stain.

3: Saint Cecelia

This chapter (and the previous one) all occur on Saint Cecelia's day. Cecelia is patron saint of music, for having inwardly sung hymns during her wedding ceremony, and the portative organ is one of her attributes, but there's more to her story than that. After being married, she warned her husband that an angel stood ready to strike him down if he touched her, but he could not see it unless he was also baptised. He went out, was baptised and converted, and saw the angel which miraculously produced flower crowns for them. The two of them, and her brother-in-law, were condemned to death by a Roman prefect, and initially Cecelia was to be suffocated in the baths (I think locked into a room and heated up until she died) but no matter how hot it was she felt cool and comfortable. Then, she was to be decapitated, but despite being struck on the neck three times she survived another three days, preaching to crowd, before finally dying.

So baths, bodily inviolability, visions that only appear to some but not others, and outward appearances vs inner feeling. These all come up: Hedwig and Eustace argue about how Hedwig could have flown while the Farmer saw her walking, there's a bath scene in which Hedwig is concerned about her body being seen. And at the feast, while outwardly appearing happy, inwardly Hedwig was tormented with guilt and was always thinking of her secret mission from the Mother Superior, just as Cecelia outwardly looked a bride but beneath her dress mortified her flesh with a hair shirt and in her heart was always singing to God. I feel like there could be something there.

4: Surprise parties

I forget the exact episode number and context (presumably about foreshadowing?), but while talking about Cursed Child, Xeecee mentioned how easy it is to overtelegraph surprise parties (something like "Hey can you be out of the house 3-5, I'm cleaning all the floors or something, but make sure you definitely get back right at five. But not before! Five sharp!" yeah okay now I know you're doing a surprise party I'll pretend to be shocked). So I like how Hedwig, after saying that she'd like a nice prank like a surprise party, reacts to being brought into the rectory with "oh no I am going to be murdered!" Great to take a woman with 3 weeks total of socialization and just put her in situations.

5: The Bishop of Carlisle looks a bit like God, doesn't he?

I mean obviously he's a bearded man making a sign of benediction, that's going to do something, but God did look a bit fat in the vision.

I know some of these might seem like a reach, so in case any of you feel like criticizing me I'm going to leave you with the words of Saint Augustine of Hippo:

Thus, when one man says, “Xeecee meant what I mean,” and another says, “No, they meant what I do,” I think that I speak more faithfully when I say, “Why could they not have meant both if both opinions are true?” And if there should be still a third truth or a fourth one, and if anyone should seek a truth quite different in those words, why would it not be right to believe that Xeecee saw all these different truths?

[sixosix]

hi hello

I'm here to write about my experience while reading the latest writing of wanderer. (it shall contain what I'm doing as I'm reading and my reactions - so if you don't wanna read it - that is a-okay!)

I'M STANDING IN -3°C OR EVEN LESS ON A TRAIN STATION FREEZING. I'm reading this by taking a glove off of my hand to scroll and then switching it to the other (taking the other glove off putting this one on) - pain fr, and then smiling to myself like a love struck idiot at 6 FUCKING AM. ON A FOGGY CROWD FILLED TRAIN STATION.

you did say in the a/n that the first part was "unnecessary" but I enjoyed the potrayal of friendship - it fleshed out the mc fr. also didn't except Heizou to be so touchy bUT THEN I gave it a second more of thought (lol) and I can see it. wanderer wearing all black is fucking canon in my eyes in modern!teyvat/world/somewhere.

the flashback was written really cutely, managing to catch the good vibes and capture, in a quite the short amount of text, the history the two have. (except like why does he think he hurt them-myb he thinks it is cos they left? idk listen I'm still sleepy if I missed something dO NOT HATE ME I WILL REREAD LATER TODAY)

next, I manage to find a spot in the train to sit, now nice and warm, chuckling at the boys & mc interaction in the hotel room

takiNG PAUSES - TURNING MY PHONE OFF AND LOOKING OUT INTO THE DARKNESS OF THE MORNING WHEN THEY KISS???? WHEN HE SAYS ANYTHING? I'm out here yet again smiling to myself and looking out of the window before continuing my reading

little love confessions cute! cute! cute!

thE FUCKING CUDDLES THE CUDDLES THE. CUDDLES. as a deeply touched deprived person with main love language being physical affection (with only selected few I care for, otherwise I hate any physical contact) my reaction is - YES. tysm. bless, thank you for your service.

it warmed my heart, perfect perfect perfect. ALSO THE LINE - I JUST RECALLED, THE LINE "You think I'd settle for less than you" - screenshoted, screamed internally, felt special, felt pain no one in this bitch ass world has me yet like that - no one ever will prob let US BE REAL (I'm mentaly dating all of them fictional mfs) , looked out of the window, paused, thought about stuff, leaned my head back to reimagine the scene as I try to also nap and fAIL cos I'm too hyped to read it - like man! 5k words - a LOT (it indeed was not a lot, I forgot how fast I read even when I reread lines and pause, and that I finish a thick ass book in 2 hours.)

it was slow burn without the slow but you worded it so nicely, paced it out, captured the essence of the thought proccess of a "crush" and stuff. also heizou being mentioned so much DOES make sense in the way - that ofc you'd think to tell your bsf this shit and chat with him DUH.

the detail of Aether texting his sister warmed my heart.

roll back a bit earlier - did I mention my train arrived late to my station - and in the freezing dark cold morning I smile and was like "ehe" cos I get to read this in PEACE for 15 mins longer - cos of the late train.

roll back to the present. after the kiss someone sits next to me so I'm putting my phone away, like I'm reading straight up smut of some shit, yet again rethinking everything you wrote.

then I see "a/n" - cut to me screaming, yelling, crying internally for more - feeling like it just began - I need the two days, I need more of the kissing, I need how they solve the end of vacay, and how they work all of it out - ALSO WHERE IS XIAO AMONGST MY ANEMO BOYS

on the topic of xiao I do understand it would be difficult for me as well to put the two boys I love the most in the same fic and just not have anything with one of them. furthermore, I understand one of your notes on a Xiao writing you did as a Xiao main. Listen me too, I could not write about my beloved. it would be a struggle just like it is for you but I KNOW WHY LET ME TELL YOU WHY - to quote Jane Austen "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more" I rest my fucking case.

I CAN FURTHER SUPPORT MY CLAIM WITH THIS - I'm talking to my friend the other day about genshin and he's like tell me about you favorite character, I say a bit while also trying to keep it spoiler free but I struggle so much, because my mind just fills with everything about him, every single thing Xiao has been through and dear gods how do I say it all, how to get across everything he is, has been through. yeah. the quote is true.

I beg on my knees for somehow another part of this wanderer writing I'm just gnawing at a train plush soft cushion (not literally).

every timE I READ ONE OF YOUR THINGS ABOUT THE SHORT SNARKY BOY I'M ALWAYS SMILING TO MYSELF ALWAYS PAUSING LOOKING AWAY, WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THIS WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?

I am very aware of how long this is, hope it wasn't boring - but HEY it is an ask, so technically you can ignore me

I probably didn't manage to caputre all my thoughts while reading it cos I'm just still very tired - hope you have a great day

ps. I could very well write an ask about how I started enjoying (read: liking) Wanderer + how the pulls went (it would be more put together than this ask honestly lmk)

pps much love, keep writing stuff x

hi hello! of course id love to read. i love the trend of sending long asks like this!! the only time i dont like long asks is when readers are requesting something---i dont like that at all :/ but youre not doing that!!! youre talking about your experience in reading my works and it really really warms my heart reading through it

OH NO T__T i cant even imagine. my countrys temperature never falls below 25-30°C so i cant even imagine surviving outside when the numbers are NEGATIVE T__T

the first part was absolutely unnecessary HAHA but thank you for justifying it. My hopeless crush wormed in and i wrote too much to just delete it sigh…

now for your question--scara moved out and essentially left the reader. it was more of a reference to scaramouche's canon backstory. he felt hurt that ei left him! and now, he's leaving the person he cares about. of course, in my head, he would assume that you'd feel what he felt. its why i put scaras mommy issues in the tags hahaha

im glad you like their interaction!! i loved writing their banter so much. i love writing scara talking to anyone in general because the way he talks is the way i think irl LOL

im so glad you also like the "you think i'd settle for less than you" line!!! ill tell u a secret. a few minutes before posting the fic it wasn't even there, but after reading through it i thought it would fit perfectly with the way i wrote scaramouche's character :D

and im so glad u pointed out the pacing!!! in all honesty i am far from confident with my pacing. i never know if im doing it right so thank u so much for saying that!!!!!!!! T__T <3 i dont know if i should clap for the late train for letting you read in peace? ??

LMFAOOO IM SO SORRY. this is exactly why i avoid reading fanfiction out in public even if i dont read smut. these strangers cannot know that i read about scaramouche kissing me.

and also fun fact!!!!! in the previous author note, it was not written that way. let me show you proof!! i cant find it rn but ill go into the version history version of my docs :D

AHHH that quote is so real im stealing that sorry. Everytime someone brings up why i dont write xiao enough ill pull that up !!!!! i know exactly what u mean :/

and about a part two… some people are already asking for it but i just don't do part twos T__T unless its stated in the fic that there's another part coming--it means that that's it…… your imagination will probably do better than whatever i can cook anyway !!!

[wingedflight]

3, and 6 for the ask thing 😊

3: What's your favourite fic that you've ever written?

This is such a hard one! I don't think I can pick a single fic so breaking the rules and picking a few.

however deep the magic lies (Narnia, Susan) is my fic that turns Susan into Jadis. One of my earlier dark Narnian AUs, and I was literally just talking the other day about how I still constantly think about how strong of an ending I wrote, and how I'm always trying to replicate the power of it.

Against All the Powers Ranged (Narnia, Edmund/Jadis's sister) is about Edmund time-travelling through the last decade or so of Charn. I don't often write multichapter fics so I'm always very proud of them when I do, and it was fun to plot out the two chronologies of Edmund and Lazulis since they keep meeting out of order. I have thought that this would be such a fun one to turn into an original YA fantasy novel.

Ghost Town (Danny Phantom, Valerie) is about Valerie returning to Amity Park a decade after everyone in the city vanished... and gradually hunting down clues left by Phantom to learn what happened. Again, not only is this another multi-chapter fic, but I love the atmosphere/mood of the whole thing, the mystery and clues I plotted out, the character arc I gave Valerie--and again, the strength of the bittersweet ending.

6: Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

Bad Cards (Alex Rider) by cthulhu_is_chaotic_good - I love Alex Rider mission fics, and I love Alex shocking adults with his spy skills, and this has both.

nature has taught her creatures to hate (Magnus Archives) by thepolysyndetonaddictsupportgroup - This is an INCREDIBLE AU about child!Jon getting kidnapped by Elias and turned into an avatar, I have cried while reading scenes from this fic.

hand in unlovable hand (a chokehold) (Batman) by britishparty - Tim gets kidnapped and raised by the Black Mask, and it's dark and clever and--

Yeah, see the pattern? I love kidnapping fics, what can I say.

[bvidzsoo]

So I was going about my day the other day, just thinking about what to do after work, and thought to myself, "hmm. What was that show I had started watching recently?" For some odd reason I couldn't remember what it was called or where I had started it. Or why I hadn't finished it! It was really good and had such an enticing plot… It was dark, and revolved around pirates on a ship, something about the Navy, a girl who stole someone's compass, a human trafficker who oddly fell in some sort of love with one of his victims....

Man, I could so vividly remember one scene where the main character was stealing jewelry, the bar she was in, the table with the old men around her… Why the heck can't I remember the name of the show? I can almost picture one scene about her dress… it's so clear to me that I feel like I can reach out and touch the dress. It definitely meant a lot to her and was super fancy. Why was she wearing a super fancy dress on a pirate ship?? Wait, maybe this was a different girl than the jewelry thief…

I spent way too long (several days) trying to figure out which show it was so I could go back and finish it. I was actually looking through my Continue Watching on Netflix, Viki, even Hulu trying to find this show.

Well, I found it! Drum roll, please…. 🥁

IT WASN'T A SHOW! It was Black Ocean! 😂 My brain randomly decided that your series had actually been a Netflix Original and I was obsessed. So, compliments to you because not only am I reminiscing on that series months after I finished reading it (and out of the blue with no prompting), I actually thought it was a TV show! 😭 Clearly, your writing is amazingly vivid and detailed, and obviously I was sucked right in because it wasn't a movie that I watched, it was a fic that I read!

So now that I've solved that mystery, I'm going to go re-read Black Ocean so my brain can stop obsessing! 🏴‍☠️ ⚔️

Oh wow, I was super invested in seeing where this was going and also loved hearing your thoughts and how you perceived their separate stories hehe.

I feel like someone saying my works could be movies feels like such a huge compliment, because when I write everything is displayed in my mind so vividly, as if I’m right there and the characters themselves as everything’s happening, so the fact that I manage to bring forth those images and actions from my mind feels really freaking nice ngl. Netflix ain’t got nothing on me LOL nah but I wouldn’t mind seeing these stories I created for Black Ocean as live action👀

Also thank you for leaving this ask, it made me extremely giddy, I love hearing stuff like this so much🫶🏻 I hope rereading them is just as enjoyable as reading them for the first time! 🥹 thank uuuuu again!! <3

[goldenlaurelleaveswrites]

I've Got These Friends...

3. Childhood Memory

I've Got These Friends... (AO3)

Nadine - age 8

Luka - age 8

Juleka - age 6

______________________________________________________

“Alright, everyone. We’re going to move on to act three, scene five now,” the director called before turning to her. “Nadine, they still haven’t fixed the leak in the greenroom, so I’ll get you to watch from the audience for today. It’s good for you to see how we choreograph a fight anyways, never too early to start learning…” he said, trailing off as he look back towards the theatre doors. 

“Yes, M. Aubert,” she said. Clutching her script—her first real stage script—in hand, she made her way to the downstage steps that led down into the audience and made herself comfortable in one of the seats. She flipped open her script to the beginning of act one, and began rereading the lines her maman had helped her highlight. 

 “Alright everyone, while we’re waiting we can review our motivations for this scene.”

“Shouldn’t we work on another scene until she gets here?” Leslie, one of the actors playing a guard, asked. 

“She should be here any minute, she’s never late but she’s always close-” 

M. Aubert was interrupted by a door slamming open. She jumped in her seat, almost dropping her script as she turned to peek over the back of the seat she was sitting in. 

“We’re ‘ere,” a woman with a long, thick braid and bright red glasses called as she strode through the door, hefting a long bag with her. Her voice boomed and carried across the room in that magical way she still hadn’t gotten yet. “Just had a bit o’ a hiccup with the sitter,” the woman continued as she marched down the aisle with a muffled clanging sound. 

M. Aubert grinned, his moustache twitching. “You always know how to make an entrance, Anarka.”

“Good. Just got te get the lad an’ lass settled,” the woman said as she continued down the aisle. She ducked back into her seat as the woman came closer. Her maman and papa had told her it was rude to stare. But that didn’t stop her from peeking between the cracks in the seat. “’An we can get started.”

“The pipe in the greenroom hasn’t been fixed yet, but they can sit in the audience with Nadine.” She straightened up as soon as M. Aubert said her name, and turned to see him nodding his head in her direction. 

“Right, get stretching then, the lot o’ ye. I’ll be up in a titch,” the woman with the booming voice, so much louder now that she was closer, called. The clanging sound was getting louder too. And then it stopped. “Ye must be Nadine, then.” 

She turned to look up into the woman’s face. She had bright blue eyes, and jewelry as colourful as her glasses. “Yes, madame,” she said as politely and as professionally as she could. The way she spoke to all the adults on set. 

The woman burst out laughing. “None o’ that. Anarka, or Captain if ye must.” 

“Y-yes ma- Captain.” 

The corners of the Captains eyes crinkled sash smiled. “This is me b’y, Luka,” the Captain said, gesturing a little behind her to where a boy stood. He had the same blue eyes as the Captain, and messy black hair. “An’ me lass, Juleka” the Captain added, gesturing to the girl who was trailing after the boy, clutching one of his hands in hers.  “Now,” the Captain said, turning to look at Luka and Juleka, “mind yer manners. Don’t interrupt ‘less it’s an emergency, and stay offstage while the swords are out." Luka nodded solemnly, and the Captain laughed. “There’s a good lad, go one, make a friend,” she said as she ruffled his hair. 

“Ma,” Luka protested, but his maman just laughed before turning and heading towards the stage. Then Luka turned to look at her again. “Your name is Nadine?” She nodded. “Your parents couldn’t find a sitter either?” 

“No. I’m in the show,” she said, holding up her script. 

“Oh… so how come you’re not on stage?” 

“I’m not in any of the fight scenes.”

“Oh… that’s too bad. Ma always says swordplay is fun.” 

“I know,” she sighed. “But one day I’ll be old enough to be in one!” She paused. “Do you… want to sit down?” she asked, gesturing to the empty seats at the end of the row.

Luka nodded. “C’mon, Jules,” he said to his sister, tugging on their joined hands. She smiled at his sister as he helped her climb into one of the seats, but Juleka ducked her head and immediately opened the colouring book she had been holding in her other hand. 

“I like your bats,” she said, pointing to the open page where a bunch of bats had been coloured in with purple crayon. Juleka mumbled something she couldn’t hear. 

“She says thank you.” She looked up from the page to Luka. “Jules is shy.”

“Thanks ok,” she said, tightening her grip on her script. “I’m shy too, sometimes.” Luka smiled at that. “So do you act too?” 

Luka shook his head. “No, I like music though. I play guitar and the fiddle and violin.” 

“That’s a lot! I only play piano.” 

“I like music. I’ve been playing since I could hold an instrument. Do you like piano?” 

“Yeah, it’s fine. My acting coach said it’s a good thing to know.” 

“Acting coach?”

“She teaches me how to act and helps me get ready for roles.” 

“Do you act a lot?” 

She nodded. “I’ve been in ads on tv, and I was in a movie. But I didn’t have any lines. This is my first time doing stage acting though. It’s…” she hadn’t told anyone. Not even her parents. But Luka… he seemed nice. Like a friend. “It’s kinda scary.” 

Luka nodded. “It looks scary. But you like it.” He didn’t ask it. He just said it. “What else do you like doing?” 

Her script was still in her hands, but she hadn’t looked at it once since Luka had asked her to show it to him. They had been too busy talking. The more she talked to him, the more if felt like she had known him forever. His sister was nice too, even if she only mumbled her responses to her questions and Luka had to translate. But Juleka had smiled at her when she complimented the purple ribbon in her hair. And that had felt like winning a prize. 

She didn’t have many friends. The other kids at the parties her parents sometimes had to take her to weren’t very nice. And at school, her classmates weren’t mean. They were nice. But most weren’t interested in acting. Her teachers told her she was too serious. But she didn’t know how to change that. 

But Luka didn’t seem to care. 

“Luka?” she looked down at her script, and clutched it tightly in her hands. “Can we be friends?”

“You sound nice.”  

“What?” 

“Your song. It sounds nice. You sound like a friend.”

“So… are we friends?” 

Luka nodded. 

“You’re kinda funny,” she giggled.

“He’s weird.” The words took her by surprise. It took her a second to realize who had said them-

“Jules!” Luka protested, his ears going pink. “I am not!” 

Luka looked up at her as she continued to giggle. “I like funny. And I think I like weird, too.”

[maccreadysbaby]

hiii (≧▽≦)/, sorry for bothering you i just aaa, im normally a silent reader type (bc talking to ppl makes me anxious) but smth bout that last chapter got me like akjsdhfakjsflh (im def gonna like regret this later when im overthinking b4 bed lmao)

Σ(°ロ°)I was NOT expecting that to happen at all like the plot twist ajsdfhasljkfa, i was so ready to cry my heart out for that angst T^T </3 (i'm srry but i love angst sm, like. it just hits different ya know?) and omg bentley's call for help,,, when jason's life was in the hands of the joker ajsdfhkjasdhfka

ඞ amongus askjdfhasjf im so srry, the game's ruined the word imposter for me lol u got me imagining scenarios n shii bro (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄) bro, jason being the first one to find bentley and trying to save bentley bc no one saved him</3 and he's trying and trying to put pressure on bentley's wounds but blood is still like pouring out, bentley slowly losing conciousness. jason telling bentley to focus on him bc he's not going to die today and he's trying to keep bentley awake (╥﹏╥) telling bentley that help is coming soon, that he's going to be okay, and maybe having a conversation to try and keep bentley awake

brooo i could see like that one meme when batman finds them bentley: was i a good son? bruce: no. bruce: you were the best :,)

and like bentley dying in his arms w a smile on his face because's he's finally found his found family and has people that love him for once in his life bruce losing another son and him feeling like a failure of a father for not protecting bentley :< but i could also see him having like a dilemma w like bentley breaking his one rule: no killing even though that's what saved everyone in the end and like the loss of another son and he doesn't know what to feel (b isn't v good w dealing w his emotions)

aaa and after bentley's death, dick hides his emotions behind a mask, trying to cheer up everyone one (っ ᵔ◡ᵔ)っ and like making the atmosphere less sadge :( bc he feels like that's what bentley would have wanted(?) bc he's always looking out for the fam and trying to make things better? srry i suck at explaing aaa

then damien, oh damien, just right after they fixed things between them :( i feel like his griefing process = anger. he's just a little bottle of anger that's filled to the very top and any little thing sets him off. he's angry at himself, he's angry at black and white hair mans, he's angry at like,,, everything ヽ( `д´*)ノ

:( timmy going through like shock, denial(?maybe), anger, depression and goes into a state where he's neglecting his health because he's so focused on avenging bentley's death by trying to find everyone responsible and putting them behind bars

srry for bothering u. gosh, i just. i love ur writing sm, the way u write,,, like it's so, i can practically see the scenes happening in my mind. i reread both books twice while waiting for chap 43 to drop lol

(ﾉ>ω<)ﾉ :｡･::･ﾟ’★,｡･::･ﾟ’☆I hope u have a great day/night! and that both sides of ur pillow r cold, ur charger to work at every single angle, and never ever stub your toe again<3 ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡ [hope this didn't sound/look too cringe. i luv emoticons lol >:3]

omg this made me so happy🥹🥹🥹🥹 I can’t even. I love how you talked about the family after Bentley’s death💔

thank you so much for your love and support it means the absolute world, also don’t be afraid to talk to me haha! I’m about as scary as a marshmallow lmao

[waffles-for-brunch]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @lovevamp

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

4. One's an okay oneshot, then I did a fix-it after 15x20, then I lost my mind completely and spent three years on a season 12 rewrite and now I'm back again writing another fix-it. My twilight zone is self-inflicted.

2. what’s your total Ao3 word count?

540,492 (insert kevin james shrugging meme here)

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Just Supernatural. I started writing a fic for Baldur's Gate Bloodweave but then Destiel dragged me back to the dark side. Maybe I'll finish that one eventually.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

they're not gonna be in order bc I'm just gonna go thru my bookmarks real quick but - "And this, your living kiss" by opal_bullets "On labor" by a_good_soldier (i reread this one twice this week) "The Nanny" by Kitmistry and those are the ones i feel like mentioning. :)

5. do you respond to comments?

Admittedly rarely. Mostly because I'll open my email when I'm getting up in the morning and read them and then work all day and forget to respond. I do appreciate all the comments I get tho. And a lot of the really kind ones I send to my groupchat and/or save in a folder on my email labelled "nice comments" also just sometimes I don't feel like I have anything to say. Like idk sometimes thank you just seems too small or something you know. It's strange. Then I'll just get in my head about it and say nothing and the cycle repeats lmao. But I do read them all.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Dog you know I'm not writing any angst without a happy ending. I can't take that shit lmao. It's happy endings only in this house. Happy and found family and loveliness. :)

7. what is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I literally end everything the same way. Please I have the worst case of projection imaginable with these fics.

8. do you get hate on fics?

If I do I'm unaware. But I'd probably know it if I do, I stalk my own name and fics wherever I can because I'm insane and nosey. But nah the most I've gotten is just people being mad about a certain character's actions, but like that's not even hate it's just frustration with a character which is a given in certain circumstances. Now if someone was like "wow bad characterization" I'd be like girl, but no I think people are pretty respectful in my corners for the most part.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Bro let me tell you in "Our Old Heroes" I wrote like a singular sex scene and like maybe one or two other hot and heavy ones and good god did they take me so long to write. Like I'm not a very sex oriented person in general so writing this stuff out? Bro it's embarrassing how much poetry I put into that in retrospect (i jest, it's fine) but like I don't generally orient towards it just because it's very time consuming for me. It has to be very intimate and just right.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you've written?

So short answer no, I haven't. Longer answer I love the concept and would be open to it. Particularly if it involves Dean being psychoanalyzed in some way because that's my favorite thing to write so it would probably be criminal minds. I think crossovers have so much fun and wonky potential tho.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope someone printed my fic to bring into prison and make a black market hot commodity. It would be the highest honor. I guess that's not theft, it's just the free market. But so I guess really no, if I have I'm unawares.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I'm aware of but I have had people comment in other languages or on twitter people will talk about it in a different language, which is pretty crazy. It's so wild we can be so connected to a story in that way despite not speaking the same language or growing up in the same environment.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

no! but as @lovevamp has said we've talked about a few that I'm certain one day we will follow through on. I've also talked with @icaruspendragon about maybe doing one at some point bc we seem to have the exact same mental illness that is the dean winchester brain disorder.

14. what’s your favorite all time ship?

I live breathe and bleed destiel, it's truly unfortunate for me.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I just have a lot of ideas in my docs that will probably never become more than the ideas they are. Usually when I start a fic like for real I follow through with it. I would feel bad if I didn't lol.

16. what are your writing strengths?

I've been told my characterization is pretty good, which I appreciate. If it was bad I'd probably kms (jk). But fr idk that's the biggest comment I'll get is in regards to that which I really do like because I spend a lot of time trying to find a balance and make sure I'm expressing everyone the correct way they'd express themselves or not express themselves.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Sex scenes aside I do struggle with action mostly because I find it boring to write out. You just have to try and find so many different words. Ugh. I love dialogue. That's really where I start getting going. But writing action? I tend to do that last because I wanna get through all the good bits first then circle back and do the boring bits.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

listen I can barely remember english i'm sorry

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i'm an og baby i started here (destiel) and this is where i'll die (maybe not, we'll see)

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

Well, I don't really have many so it's probably the massive one. "Our Old Heroes" by adelaclancy (that's me). I was really in a bad place when I started it and I kind of just gave myself this crazy project for several reasons. One I was stopping drinking so I needed something else to do with my time. Second I was jobless and goalless and really didn't have a lot going for me and writing was really the only thing I have ever had consistently so I was like okay well I'll start this stupid project and it's gonna be like 26 chapters and 500,000 words long and it's gonna delve into all my issues through projection of these fictional characters and if I actually manage to finish it I can finally say I finished something. So I did. And I actually managed to work on myself a lot in the process. So over all that time I went from living in bad straights as an unemployed drunkard to a full time worker with a few years sobriety under their belt and a better sense of my own boundaries and thriving friendships and I dunno man, in a way that fic really was a bridge for me and I think in that too for a lot of the readers they get to see that now too. Like they can see my little notes at the beginning of chapters and how they change over time alongside the characters in the book and it's kind of an experience in that way I suppose. If not through Dean Winchester and Castiel then maybe through me, if someone out there finds a little bit of hope from that silly little mess of words then I suppose that's something to be proud of then, isn't it? Anywho...

tagging: @icaruspendragon

(Bro I know like two people sorry)

[viscountessevie]

Roommates [ARC Review]

Release Date: 20th September 2023  Overall Rating: ⭐⭐⭐ Spicy Level: 🌶️ My Review:

Roommates by Ola Tundan follows Ariella Mason and Caleb Black who go from being coworkers at their company, Ivory Bow to being roommates after Ariella leaves her seemingly perfect life. Ariella has followed the model minority’s life checklist: perfect job, house and soon to be spouse, Jasper. Until one day, she decides to leave it all behind. She turns up at Caleb’s apartment desperate for a place to crash and hide out from the aftermath. Caleb, an arrogant and notorious player has to make a choice of giving up his bachelor pad in exchange for an offer he can’t quite refuse from Ariella. 

I’ll be honest, I tried really hard to like this book because I was so excited to support a writer of colour writing a Black lead and who I thought would be an Indian hero. A note to the publisher and cover artist: The man on the cover is tan enough and has the signature 'Indian fuckboy' beard to be mistaken as a South Asian man.

I did also push myself to finish this book out of respect for the author and to give a thorough review. I will get to what could have been improved on and what didn’t quite connect with me later on. However, I want to focus on the positives first. 

I would like to commend Ola on writing her first full length novel! Not everyone can do that so that itself is a great feat. I think the writing was easy to read so readers can breeze through this book especially if they enjoy the themes, characters and tropes. I will always appreciate a writer of colour writing diverse characters and providing much needed representation in the modern romance genre. I also loved how she flipped the stereotypes of Black and white families! Ola showcased a loving, close knit and healthy Black family with Ariella’s while Caleb grew up in poverty and a broken home. It was a clever move that was also grounded in reality. 

As for why this book just did not hit for me: I had just finished rereading my favourite books with the roommate trope with a Black women as the lead and Indian hero (it took me nearly half the book to realise Caleb was not in fact an Indian man). I wanted to read something similar and thought this would be a comfort like the other two. However, I was faced with my two personal book icks: slow burns and love triangles. So unfortunately, this book had the odds stacked against it for me liking it. I will fully admit that my expectations for the book and the personal preferences of faster-paced books with the sole focus on the main romance tainted my reading experience. 

As for what could be improved upon: While I understand that Aari and Caleb are meant to be flawed characters, I didn’t find them likeable at all and couldn’t find it in myself to root for them. There seemed to be a disconnect between how they were described in the summary compared to their character introductions. Aari was far from perfect and Caleb felt like a teenage boy cosplaying as a womaniser. I think Ola could have spent time building up their positive traits and connect them to their ��character templates’ before revealing them to be messy, real people. At times they also came across as whitewashed. [Though now I do know Caleb was always meant to be a white man] Ariella was very explicitly written to be a Black woman but her narrative voice came across as odd. As did her dialogue with her mother. Sometimes I had to reread their scenes together because it seemed like she was talking to a friend or sister. 

Plot wise even though it was a slow burn, the writing could have been tighter. Virtually nothing of consequence happens in the first half of the book and everything seemed to happen in the second half. The cliffhanger at the end didn’t quite feel like a cliffhanger to me. I think the structure of the novel could have been reworked to add another chapter or two to wrap up the book instead of a second full novel. It felt like a typical Act 3 climax that needed a longer ending. 

Lastly, I understand the statement Ola was trying to make with subverting the trope and giving us a few female perpetrators. That being said, it wasn’t executed well and fell flat for me. While women like them exist, it just felt like women were being unnecessarily villianised - especially since Ariella did not come across as likeable to me. 

All that said and done, I do think Ola has a lot of potential and can only go but up from here. I am really rooting for her and hope these comments aren’t taken too much to heart but help to build a better novel in the future. Despite my own hang ups on this book, I would still recommend this to those who enjoy a slow burn roommates book with deeply flawed characters, love triangles, close familial relationships and turning stereotypes on their head. 

Thank you to NetGalley and Storm Publishing for an advanced copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.