#so i am also keeping that in mind in case it becomes a habit

[full-frontal-lotus]

Step to Recovery #7: Block the originator of the discourse. Always.

[lost-romantique]

Ghostfuckers Massive Lore Dump & More...

I'm stuck at work doing the graveyard shift, so I decided to make a list of all the lore that we learned in Ghostfuckers. Plus some extra cuz my fave character is Blitz, and I love him...

It has been one month since the events of Apology Tour. Blitz and Stolas have been NO CONTACT for one whole month.

I.M.P is on the verge of bankruptcy due to Blitzø’s poor spending habits. Past Due Notices are pasted on the whiteboard. Millie confirms later on that Blitzø has not paid her in a month.

(Honestly same, I also cope by buying stupid shit, but sweetie you gotta pay your employees)

Confirmation that Blitzø (at least by the beginning of Ghostfuckers) has given up on pursuing a relationship with Stolas.

Millie confirmed that there is only Heaven or Hell, there is no such thing as Purgatory. And there is no such thing as Ghosts.

The fact that Millie had to stress it out several times, even to Blitz that ghosts don't exist... is insane.

Confirmation that Blitzø is still following M&M on their dates, and that once again... Blitz sees love and relationships as a transaction.

Blitzø’s illiteracy and possibly having dyslexia is the gift that keeps on giving.

(Fun fact: Brandon Rogers is confirmed dyslexic)

Confirmation that Blitzø has genuine fears of M&M getting hurt when they do go on missions.

Blitzø’s mom is confirmed to have died from the fire, just in case it wasn't obvious already.

Confirmation that Moxxie met Blitz before he met Millie, and by extension, Blitzø adopted Loona before he met Moxxie.

Further confirmation that Blitzø owning his own business as an imp makes him an outlier.

The fact that Blitzø has to stress to Millie that he does in fact own his own business, but she keeps denying the possibility that, that even exists is insane.

Confirmation that I.M.P began the moment Blitzø was in possession of the grimoire. Therefore, Blitzø had Millie, Moxxie, and Loona to provide for by the time he met Stolas

So much of Hell's Hierarchy and the suppression of imps in general, is ingrained into Millie that she genuinely believes that she isn't deserving to work in an old ass building located in the Pride Ring (where the sinners live)

Confirmation that imps (and by extension hellhounds) are expected to work for someone higher up, whether it be the Sins, the Ars Goetia, or even other sinners and hellborn

Confirmation once again that Blitzø is genuinely considered an outlier among imps. Him owning a business gives him a sense of prestige among others of his own kind.

Confirmation that Millie's entire life is all thanks to Blitzø: a husband, a career, a future, a best friend. ❤️

Further confirmation of the existance of Blitzø’s mask. (People were genuinely surprised when they realized that there was more to Blitzø than asshole)

Confirmation of the existance of infestor demons that are presumably from the Envy Ring.

Confirmation that Cash Fuckzo was an abusive piece of shit that not only manipulated his own child, but physically abused him when he had fresh burn marks on his wrist

Confirmation that Cash Fuckzo was the man that kept Blitzø and Fizz apart for so long, essentially the reason why these men hated each other for 15 years.

Confirmation that even seeing M&M happy and in love genuinely hurts him because (in his mind) he could never have what they have.

Confirmation that the events of Seeing Stars hurt Blitzø’s feelings and reignites that fear his daughter hates him.

The amount of remorse, guilt, and regret this man feels is so palpable that it can power an entire fucking city.

By the end of the episode Blitzø makes a promise to Millie to stop trying to become their "third". Millie is shocked by his answer and genuinely did not expect it.

Blitzø confirms to Millie that he does indeed have feelings for Stolas, but he's aware enough to know that he still fucked things up with him.

The character development that Blitzø showed this episode was actually insane, and I am so proud of him. He has a long way to go before he could forgive himself for the fire and hate himself less, but nonetheless I am so proud of him.

Also, in case you were wondering my favorite part of the episode was Millie's apology to Blitzø.

[a-d-nox]

pac: what awaits you at the end of the rainbow and how can you follow the path to abundance?

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: how to promote self-love going forward

masterlist of pap/pac posts

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile 1

it is not the time for you to receive your riches. don't wander in the direction of hope or "wishful thinking" - there is fool's gold waiting for you there. you are hesitant for a good reason - trust your gut. when things seem more certain, then take a chance. i also sense that you aren't ready to release old splendor to make room for new riches. change is scary but is well worth it - you just have to let go of what is no longer meant for you so you have the space for new things. trust the universe and yourself to bring you what you need. the universe is waiting for you to be more satisfied with your present situation before it offers you new abundance - you keep thinking about what you once had - stop doing that. stop waiting for your outer circumstances to change and change your inner ones.

put energy towards noticing signs from the universe so that you can release yourself from the old things that no longer serve you. accept your spiritual gifts, move on from past pains, and embrace new found awareness.

pile 2

the universe is delaying your security - feel like you have a big goal in mind and that you are faced with obstacle after obstacle. you are disconnected from the world around you. you have an opportunity upcoming in the form of riches to be found. be patient and listen to your heart throughout the process. this is a time to have hope and to be on your best behavior - release toxicity and unhealthy habits. know that sometimes the unpopular opinion is the best one to have. don't doubt yourself - you are about to reach your goal. the universe is just testing you before giving you what you desire most. patience is your friend - tune into you intuition to figure out what this is.

whatever you do, don't avoid anything at present. procrastination will only delay you in receiving your good fortune. try new things and face the inevitability of change. accept your feelings of being uncomfortable - trust that you are on the right path to receive your riches.

pile 3

you are about to be released from financial challenges and burdens. trust the universe and stop fearing the potential of slipping back into a situation in which you could face hardships. have faith that your situation is changing. fate is leading you towards something very important - you are moving from a painful cycle into a more harmonious one. trust that there is rebirth awaiting you with all new people and a brand new situation. the universe is just waiting for you to love yourself and for you to let others help and appreciate you. accept the gifts that are brought to you - stop trying to force situations to be what they are not. no one is trying to make you owe them unless they are outright saying that. the chance to reconnect with nature and to bloom is right at your finger tips; you just have to accept it.

your gratitude for what you have will keep you on the path of abundance. redecorate, renovate, reallocate, etc. spend time relaxing and appreciating what you have and the potential of what it could become. focus on what brings you peace and happiness, and the universe will be sure to bring you more of it.

[penelopepine]

‘Mini Me’ was the CUTEST thing ever!!! I’m also here to beg for more Graves x Reader content 🙏. Could you write about Graves saving Reader from a home invasion?

THANK YOU! I'm so glad you liked it, and I hope you like this. I had a blast writing it so thank you for the ask!!

Intruder Alert!

Phillip Graves x Fem Reader

Content: Home invasion, light angst, fluff, guns Word Count: 1930

It’s become something of a habit for you both to call each other whenever possible at this time. You’re already laying down in bed, your favorite show is on and a book lays in your lap, when Phillip calls you right on the dot as usual. 

You turn off the TV and answer before the first ring is even finished as you happily exclaim into the phone, “Phillip!” 

“Evening sweetheart, you doing ok?” He asked; his voice low but comforting. “You better be in bed at this hour.” 

With a slight huff you reply, “I am, I am don’t worry. Just reading the book you got me. You didn’t have to do that you know.” It had been a total surprise for you when you came home one day to a package on your doorstep knowing full well that you hadn’t ordered anything recently. Even more of a surprise when it had been the final book of a series you had been raving about to Phillip just a few days ago. You had also mentioned how the last book had just come out as well.

“Nonsense, I gotta spoil my girl even when I’m not there.” 

“You’re too good to me, baby. Thank you. I love it so much; I’ll have to show you some appreciation whenever you come home.” 

You hear through the phone Phillip take a sharp breath when he hears your words before chuckling to himself as he growls out, “is that so? What sort of … appreciation do you have in mind?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to give anything anyway.” 

“Sweetheart, it’s not nice to-.” 

Crash!

That was the sounds of glass shattering downstairs, but that's not all though - you can hear someone cursing and the sound of footsteps under glass. You're suddenly regretting having those big bag windows installed.

It takes you a few seconds to realize that Phillip is calling your name; there's actually a lot of noise coming from his side of the phone now.

"Philip, I think someone's in the house." 

"Sweetheart," his voice firm, but filled with concern, "You need to do exactly as I say; do you understand?"

"I- I understand." 

"Good good, everything is going to be alright. I'm on my way to you now." You can hear the sound of a car door slamming as he says that. It's a half an hour drive from the base to here; you've seen him make it in twenty though. "Get up - slowly, and lock the bedroom door." 

Shakily you do as he says; trying to calm your thundering heart as if whoever is here can hear it and will come barging into the room. The tiny click of the door lock sounds out like a church bell on Sunday.

"It's locked." You're honestly not even sure you spoke with how softly you whispered those words, but you must have because Phillip is giving you his next command as soon as you're finished speaking them. 

“Now in my night stand - bottom drawer, is a case grab it. Go to the bathroom and lock that door as well before doing anything else with it.” 

“Isn’t that your-?” 

“Yes. Grab it.” 

It was Phillip’s gun case. He’s shown you how to use the gun inside of it about every month. For emergencies he had always said; you’ve never thought about having to actually use it on another person though. 

Pushing that thought down though you quickly get yourself settled in the now locked bathroom. “I have it; the door is locked.” 

“You know what I’m going to ask next, sweetheart. Just … just keep it close and ready. I’m almost there.” You could tell that Phillip was trying to calm for your sake right now. This was something you two had talked about though being a possibility. It’s so different being in the real situation though. 

Sitting down on the cold floor you open the case, and pull out the gun. It feels so much heavier than it ever has in your hands. 

It was in that moment that you heard the unmistakable creak of third from the top step on the stairs - it was the only one that ever made any noise. Whoever was here was now on the second floor, and only a few steps away from you. 

Quickly you pull the phone away from your ear to check how long it’s been. Everything feels as if it’s been going a mile a minute surely Phillip is almost here - six minutes. It’s only been six minutes. It could easily take another twenty for your husband to get here. 

The intruder must be at your door now because the next thing you hear is the rattle of the locked bedroom door. It wouldn’t be something you would normally hear, but in the dead quiet it's the only thing you can hear. That and the sound of Phillip’s car speeding his way towards you over the phone. 

All you can do now is wait and hope that this is just some thief who is there to steal whatever they find valuable, and not for anything related to Phillip because if they are, you know a locked door is not going to stop them from getting to you. 

It’s silent for a few minutes after that, and you really think that the locked door has deterred whoever it is that entering is not worth the hassle. That is of course not true because the next thing you know is that the bedroom door is being kicked open with a loud bang as the door and wall collide with one another. 

You can’t help but gasp as you hear it, as you do Phillip is worryingly calling your name. When you don’t immediately reply he continues, “I’m almost there; hang in for a few more minutes for me. I’m-” 

Phillip’s voice suddenly cuts off from whatever he was going to say. Pulling your phone away from your ear again you see that your phone has died. Oh.

Meanwhile in the bedroom you can hear the person shuffling around; drawers being opened and closed with no consideration for noise. You pull the gun up and steady your aim to the door. It’s only a matter of time before they try and knock this door down as well after all. 

You know you're only going to have one real shot though. Whoever is on the other side is definitely more prepared for a confrontation than you are - probably a lot stronger than you are too. 

Looking to your side you debate going out the window. You’re on the second floor, but as long as you do a somewhat decent landing you’re not in any danger of dying from the fall. It’s the fear of breaking something though that stops you from just making a run for it. Breaking a wrist or arm would hurt like a bitch, but it’d be doable. A leg though would probably put you in a worse situation then the one you’re currently in. 

With minutes that feel like hours you wait for the inevitable to happen. Only that’s not what happens because all of a sudden you hear a loud pained grunt and what sounds like two people fighting. 

Phillip. 

It has to be him. You don’t think anyone else would be inside fighting the intruder. 

You don’t open the door though. During your talks about this kind of situation Phillip always told you to wait for him - he’d be the one to give you the signal that it was safe to leave whatever hiding space you managed to find. 

Just as quickly as it started though it’s over. You can’t hear anything anymore. That is until four knocks on the bathroom door sound out - the signal. 

Immediately you're running to unlock the door. When throw open the door Phillip pulls you into his arms, and guides you back into the bathroom. “Thank fuck you’re alright, sweetheart.” 

“I’m alright,” You’re more concerned about him right now though, “What about you though? Are you hurt anywhere?” 

Try as you might to pull away and check him over his grip on you does not loosen. “I’m fine. Just let me hold you right now.” 

You don’t know how long the two of you stand there just embracing one another, and frankly you don’t care to know. It would have been longer if not for Phillip’s phone suddenly ringing out. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want to let go quite yet with how he gives you one more hard squeeze before letting go, and grabbing his phone. 

“Graves speaking … good, come inside and handle the trash. I’m heading back to base.” It’s fairly obvious who he was talking to, but you still have to ask.

“Are the shadows here? How are they here already?” 

“I called Erikson to get his ass here with a few boys after our call was cut out.” Phillip releases a deep breath and rests his forehead on yours, “You had me cursing up a storm when that happened, sweetheart. What have I told you about keeping your phone charged?” 

Of course he knew it was because your phone died. “I don’t think I’m going to be able to let it get below 50% after this.” 

“Probably for the best.” You watch as Phillip now pulls away fully and grabs the gun from where you had left it; hostlering it to his side. “Now let’s get out of here. You’re staying on base until I get a new security system installed.” 

He is then pressing you into his side as his hand comes up to cover your eyes. “Phillip?” 

“Don’t want you seeing anything, sweetheart. Let me guide you out of here for now.” 

You don’t put up anymore of a fuss at that, and you also don’t really want to see whatever lies in the bedroom right now. With that he’s quick to get you out of the bedroom, and out into the hallway. There he does finally let you see again as he continues to pull you down the stairs. 

As you get to the bottom a small group of shadows are entering the house. They give Phillip a nod before hurriedly passing him as they make their way up the stairs now. 

“Wait, I should pack something before we leave.” You say remembering how he had said that you’d be staying at the base. 

“Well come by in the morning, sweetheart. After the boys get things cleaned up.” He reassures you as he practically carries you out of the house to his car. The ride for the most part is silent besides the low singing from the radio. Philip also doesn’t let go of your hand once during the whole ride as if he let go you’d disappear. 

Once back at base the first thing he does is get you settled in his room and bed. He lays down next to you, having you flush against his chest. “I love you so much, sweetheart. I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

“I love you too; I’m here - I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Damn right you’re not.” You feel Phillip relax for the first time tonight as he gives your neck a small kiss. 

You can’t help but think how everything, despite what happened just about an hour ago, right now feels perfect. Being in Phillip’s arms will never not fix everything for you. With that thought you drift off into sleep knowing that everything tomorrow will be alright as long as you have him with you. 

[writersdrug]

Ghost x Konig x Reader: I Don't Need You (Ch. 6)

<- Previous - Next ->

Summary: You (surprisingly) get more comfortable with Kortac, and slowly let yourself connect with the team. You subconsciously tether yourself to Konig, who is more than willing to help you fit in. The pain of the past begins to fade into the back of your mind like the end of a long chapter of your life.

Additionally, Konig starts asking the hard questions - it unearths a piece of you that you'd hoped would remain buried, but you still share the memories with Konig.

Chapter warnings: Mentions of violence, mentions of rape, cursing, google translate German, shirtless Soap, very EXTREMELY watered-down mentions of sexual themes (we ain't there yet, boiis)

Notes: Sorry it took so long, I've got a lot cooking in the kitchen now and I'm hoping to pump out a lot this week!

Additionally, I've had some comments on this work not being an x Reader. First off, I never want to mislead anyone. I label this as an x Reader because Bonnie is not an OC of mine. I've seen other x Reader fics include callsigns that refer to the reader, so I assumed using Bonnie similarly would be alright. I also mentioned a name ONCE in chapter 3, "Jane Morris," which I thought to be a very generic name, and I haven't used it since and don't plan to. I have a personal preference of writing longer, chapter-by-chapter fics in first POV because it feels more natural to me than second POV. The same goes for using y/n - I like to avoid it if I can because it feels unnatural.

Again, those last two thing are a personal preference. I'm not bashing any fics that use these things at all, I enjoy both ones that do and ones that don't, and I don't enjoy one over the other. When I say one feels more natural than the other, I mean it feels more natural to write, not to read. I'm debating changing the name I used in chapter 3 to just y/n l/n to make this a true x Reader. If you still feel like I should change this to an x OC please let me know and I'll be happy to adjust the tags, titles, and descriptions. Again, I never meant to be misleading, and I hope I didn't make anyone angry. If a mistake has been made I am happy to learn from it. Thanks!

Konig had cracked the code on me. He figured out that after a case of American beers and a long drive, away from the crowd of new faces, my outer shell began to soften.

There was still a wall that I was holding up between me and everyone else, even though it was significantly smaller than usual. When Roze and Castillo approached me at breakfast, I didn’t get up and leave. And when Juno used the empty spot in the gym room right next to me, dropping his bag on the floor and giving me a cautious glance as he set up for his routine - I didn’t grab my things and move to the other end of the room. That was my first instinct, but I fought it. Instead I huffed, facing the mirror in front of me and focusing on my sets.

I’d started going to the common area more often – maybe not every night, but often enough. We’d make it a habit to play poker on the nights I did show up. I was better than most of the group, since none of them were quite used to my mannerisms yet. However, Konig and Horangi still took the lead as the winners, despite most of us arguing that they shouldn’t be allowed to play if they were going to wear their masks. The argument would eventually turn into a casual conversation – I didn’t engage in it too often. I preferred to sit and listen, using the time to slowly learn more about the team. I typically planted myself between Roze and Konig, keeping my legs crossed on the seat and nervously fiddling with my Yuengling bottle.

Although I was ashamed to admit it, Konig had become a conduit for my interactions with the rest of the team. The way he engaged with their activities, yet still managed to stay reserved, struck a chord with me. I respected the fact that it could sometimes be difficult to find him on base, and that at the same time, he was always there when I started to feel overwhelmed. I didn’t need him, no… that was a stretch. But sometimes I felt grateful that he was so eager to accompany me places – especially when he invited me to go on “perimeter checks” with him, which mostly consisted of long drives off base.

I don’t know how I had grown to appreciate him so much – maybe it was because he felt similar to me, in the way that we both needed our alone time, and with how we often found ourselves slipping out of the common area around the same time, with the original excuse being that we were tired. Half of the time, we would sit in the mess hall and talk until the early hours of the morning.

“A sniper?” I asked on one particular night, fiddling with the mouth of my beer bottle. “You’re way to big for that – no offense.”

Konig chuckled. “And that’s what they initially told me.” He took a swig of his (nasty) German beer. “But, despite being handed other opportunities, I proved them wrong. I’m sill a damn good sniper.”

I huffed. “Nah, you should be happy you got promoted to Colonel; you’re lucky, you get to avoid being in the trenches – at least, as much as the rest of us.”

���Lucky? No…” Konig said, shaking his head. “I do not like being a Colonel. I’d much rather be doing the dirty work of soldiers than writing these stupid reports.” He slapped a large hand over the manilla folder that sat on the table next to his beer. “It keeps my head busy, and I don’t have to listen to myself think.”

I nodded while sipping my beer. “I completely get that – If I’m not actively doing something with my hands, my brain gets too loud. Like – like there’s a mini me in my head, and the only way to drown her out is by physically doing something. Anything, really.”

Konig laughed – almost a snort – “‘A mini you’. I like that, that’s good.”

I huffed a laugh through my nose, turning my head to hide the smirk on my face. Despite being a large, brutish man, he had a youthful essence about him. It was hidden deep beneath the thick exterior of a war-hardened soldier. But, every now and again, it rose to the surface, touching a part of my soul I hadn’t allowed to be seen in a long time.

I pushed my stack of bills into the middle of the table. “All in.” I said nonchalantly.

Gaz narrowed his eyes, leaning back in his chair and looking down his nose at me. “You’re bloody stupid…”

“Or really smart.” I retorted. I folded my arms over my chest, not wavering under his intimidating gaze.

It was unbearably hot in the room – whether that was from the tension of the game or the broken air conditioner (Price eternally insisted it would be fixed, “… by next week…”), I didn’t know. I was donned in my sweatpants and sports bra, Gaz was in a wife beater and sweats, Ghost was covered head to toe in a sweatshirt and jeans (one could ever rarely catch him wearing anything less), and Soap… well, Soap was Soap. Completely shirtless, with only a pair of gym shorts on. Typical for him to be so shameless.

Ghost looked at his cards, his jaw clearly tense underneath his mask. He wasn’t very good at hiding his unlucky hand – it was almost like he wasn’t even trying. Which was a possibility.

“Fucking hell… I fold.” He tossed his hand onto the table, revealing his sour bunch of cards. He walked to the fridge and cursed under his breath, rummaging through the contents.

“Jesus, you’re a load of dry shite.” Soap commented, leaning against the wall adjacent to Ghost. “You could’ve at least tried to intimidate ‘em.”

“You could try shutting your fucking mouth, alright?” Ghost snapped back. Soap raised his hands defensively, leaving Ghost by the fridge.

He flopped onto the couch near me and Gaz. “Miserable sap…”

I did my best to tune out their bickering. I stared down Gaz, tapping my fingers on the edges of my cards. I was relying on the river card – I had a chance at a four-of-a-kind, praying the last card on the table would be another seven.. It was risky, and Gaz was probably right in calling me stupid. But I was never one to back down from a challenge. I craved the thrill of it. Most of the time, I ended up getting lucky.

Gaz chewed his lip. He cocked an eyebrow, slowly pushing all of his cash to the middle of the table. “Call.” He said.

And I heard it – the telltale sign of his bluff. A fraction of a second where his voice had waivered, followed by him grinding his jaw. I knew I had it in the bag.

I was savoring the moment of triumph, watching Gaz stare at his cards, when I felt a hand on my back. I nearly spun around and yelled at whoever touched me, until I saw a gloved hand place a Yuengling bottle to my right, the lid already popped off. I faltered, staring at the bottle, feeling the hand on my back rubbing a thumb back and forth over my spine.

I glanced behind me, looking up to meet Ghost’s eyes. He was looking down at me with an empty gaze. His eyebrows twitched for a brief moment as he continued rubbing his thumb over the skin of my back.

I knew what he was suggesting. What he was asking. Put a woman on a compound with broken, touch-starved men, and eventually one of them will succumb to the temptation. Even so, I was shocked that it was Ghost. I would say he was showing a weakness here, no matter what he decided to call this – it was an admission that he needed something – something from me, specifically – which I never thought would happen.

He continued staring at me for another few moments, waiting for an answer. Keeping my eyes locked on him, I took the bottle and drank; my reply. He gave the tiniest nod, walking away and sitting down next to Soap – who was shuffling the remaining deck of cards, eyes narrowed at Gaz. He knew he was bluffing too.

I turned back to Gaz, smirking as he revealed the river card.

“You ever think about what you would say to those kids now?” I asked, tapping my beer bottle. “The ones who bullied you.”

Konig hummed. “Mm… not really. I don’t hold too much resentment.”

I chuckled. “If only we could all be a saint.”

“Well, it all happened so long ago.” Konig tried to justify himself. “We were only kids, bored and trying to stay on the surface. They just wanted to look tough so that no one would pick on them. Of course, I wouldn’t understand that as a kid. Maybe then, I would have admired what I’ve become, and I would have wanted to boast about it. But now that I am a Colonel – Ich habe besseres zu tun.”

I sarcastically rolled my eyes. “And that means?”

“Ehh…” he groaned, squinting his eyes. “How is it said… ‘I have bigger fishes to cook.’”

I sputtered, turning my head and laughing. Konig glared at me. “Gibt es ein Problem?” he asked, which I sort of understood. He sounded irritated, that much I could tell.

“No, Konig…” I said, standing up and giving him a pat on the shoulder as I walked by. “Just keep up the English lessons, ok?”

He scowled. “Verpiss dich… Start learning German and maybe I will.” He retorted, and I waved at him dismissively from behind my back.

I stuck my head into the fridge, grabbing a Yuengling and one of Konig’s beers. I walked back and placed them both next to him. Like instinct, he took each one and hooked their lid onto the edge of the table, then smacked the side of his hand down on the tops, sending the lid clattering to the ground. He opened my beer and handed it to me, then repeated the process with his, before reaching down and collecting the lids. He added them to the pile, totaling six beer lids so far.

If someone had shown me this image a year ago – Konig and I, sitting up late into the night, chatting like we’d known each other for decades… not to mention the fact that I was so unusually open with him… I would have been insulted. I would have laughed. No one would have been able to convince me that I would become so attached to anyone else after what had happened with the 141. Yet, all of this felt so natural. It was beyond how I felt that Konig and I were kindred spirits… it really did feel like I’d known him before. Maybe, he reminded me of a part of myself that I tried to bury away.

Or, maybe, I was just submitting to loneliness and trying to justify how quickly I clung to the first available soul. That was also an embarrassing possibility, one that I would rather not admit to.

“I have a question for you.” Konig’s voice and the clink of his beer bottle on the table brought me back to reality.

“I might have an answer.” I replied.

He looked off to the side, perhaps wondering whether or not he really wanted to ask the question. “Who did you kill? And why?”

Just like that, I felt the walls being built right back to where I had them. Bonding time’s over. Back to square one.

His inquiry caught me off guard. I froze, my bottle hovering in the air before I could take a sip, my eyes glued to the table. Just the mention of the incident brought the painful memories up to the surface, like claws scraping at the dirt, digging up the deepest roots.

“Lots of people.” I said, deflecting. I took a swig of my beer.

“You know what I mean.” He scoffed. “Why did you end up in military prison?” He leaned over the table – clearly not planning on letting the topic go.

I sucked my teeth, staring at him defiantly – moments ago, it was pleasant talking to him. Now, I was fighting back the urge to leave him at the table and go to my dorm. I felt ambushed at how he had changed the subject so abruptly. Like he had been waiting for me to carelessly stumble into the trap, and now he was watching me snarl from within it.

He leaned back with a sigh. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. I just thought we were getting somewhere here.”

“Oh?” I said dryly, cocking an eyebrow. “’Getting somewhere?’ What’s that sup-“

“Hey, it’s ok.” He raised his hands defensively. “I get it. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” His words were forgiving, but his eyes said something else – I knew what he was thinking.

Weak.

I gave him a hateful stare. Fucker know how to play his cards.

“I killed a sergeant.” I admitted. “My lieutenant’s right-hand man.”

That got Konig’s attention. He leaned forward again, putting his bottle off to the side. “Why?” he asked again.

I inhaled deeply, then exhaled, as I leaned back in my chair. My eyes fell to the floor as I forced myself to recall the memories. “In Egypt, a while back. Don’t ask when because I won’t tell you.” I warned Konig, and he huffed – but obliged.

I continued. “We were going in to retrieve a hostile target. Everyone was jumpy – me included. It was dark, and we didn’t know what to expect. After the hostiles started to engage, we were scattered. I got stuck in one tower, so I went upstairs to try and make a foxhole.”

I paused. It was now my own hands, covered in dirt, clawing at the roots of the memory. Each word I said was painful, yet somehow felt overshared. Like I was trying to get Konig to pity me. Except I wasn’t – I just wanted him to listen.

And that’s exactly what he did. No comforting shoulder pat, no soothing words… he just listened. He knew that if he stepped on the wrong spot, it would break my openness, like a branch breaking under his foot would disturb the silence of the woods.

“The sergeant – ‘Flare’ – he was up there, too. I thought we’d had the same idea, but… holy fuck…” I ran a hand down my face, feeling my heartbeat grow faster. “At first, I didn’t know what he was doing, I just heard him making those sounds and I thought he’d been hit, but… he was taking advantage of this – this woman – and with her kids right fucking there… she was probably just trying to hide, to hide them, she had to be so fucking scared… he didn’t even stop when I found him, I don’t know if he even heard me screaming at him.”

I paused, almost waiting for Konig to say or do something, but he remained silent. Despite my eyes never leaving the floor, I could see his blue ones watching me carefully. Concerned, patient, and calm.

“I didn’t know what else to do.” I said, my voice faltering the slightest bit. “So I shot him. In the head.” I unintentionally shivered. “Probably traumatized that poor woman and her kids, but… quick decisions aren’t the best ones.”

I ended my rant with a heavy sip of my beer. Konig continued watching me with wary eyes, which I ignored. I didn’t need consolation, or sympathy, or whatever he might try to offer. Somehow, he seemed to understand that.

“I would have done the same thing.” He commented.

Would you?

After a moment, he exhaled. “I don’t understand… I’d say you were in the right. Why did they put you in prison for that?”

I chewed my lip. “There was… some speculation, that I was jealous of his position. We’d been close throughout my time with the team, and when he got the promotion to second-in-command, I was a bit envious at first. People thought I was taking my anger out on him in what seemed like the perfect opportunity to lie.” I took another sip. “But I was happy for him. He worked hard, and he deserved it. But then the pressure got to him – Lieutenant was always depending on him for too much, and Flare couldn’t handle the responsibility. If he slipped up, it was a lot worse than if one of the rest of us did. I guess… the pressure is what got him in the end. Made him crazy in the end. He didn’t have any morals anymore.”

More silence. It felt uncomfortably loud – Konig’s stare seemed to make my head ring, making me fidget and bounce my knee. I wanted to snap at him. What are you looking at? Why are you asking so many fucking questions? But I was able to keep my anger at bay, justifying the situation by assuming his questions were fueled by nothing more than curiosity.

I figured I had said enough for the night, and finished off the rest of my beer. I slapped my leg, the telltale sign that I was getting ready to turn in.

Konig ignored it, or seemed to not notice. “Why did you kill him?” he asked.

I narrowed my eyes in confusion. “Why did I? What do you mean?”

“Why kill him? Why not just… disable him for the moment, and let your commander deal with him later?”

I opened my mouth to speak, but my voice was a second too late. “Again… in the heat of the moment, you don’t make distinctions like that. You think: ‘shoot,’ or ‘don’t shoot.’ And shooting him was the choice I made.”

Konig’s gaze became scrutinous. He knew I was lying about something… he was hellbent on figuring out what.

He’s going to have to wait a long damn time.

“Goodnight, Konig.” I said flatly. I collected my bottles, getting up from the table. With a clang, I tossed them into the bin by the exit, walking down the hall and leaving Konig sitting alone in the mess hall. I feel tears stinging my eyes, but that’s all they did. It’s all just water under the bridge, y/n. Get it together. You’re alright.

-----

Taglist: @igotmajordaddyissues @princekonig @vixionix

[danieyells]

. . .I could've sworn I did Ritsu's already. Apparently not. Yuri's one of my favorites and he's the one I chose in the beginning so I'm saving his for when I'm a little better rested(I have Monday off because of another doctor's appointment, so that's the lastest i'll post it)

RITSU IS SO. . .I LOVE HIM. I'll rag on him a lot because he's so tunnel visioned and just like. . .repressed. And he needs to touch grass(figuratively) but also. . .when you've been set from childhood to work and care only for your work and only know your work. . .it's understandable that he is the way he is. . . .

The way he changes as his affinity goes up is very repressed too. . .but you can still see the change at the end a little. He's a very stagnant character. . .but still interesting to look into the mannerisms of.

Hello: (the first time the game is opened after that character is set as home screen NPC. Only happens once per day, unless the character is switched out and back.)

"Any self-respecting inspector would stay comfortably ahead of schedule—I suggest you get into the habit. Let's go—there's no time to waste."

dude this is the 'you've logged in for the first time today' dialogue why are you assuming that i must be late! rude.

You've Got Mail: (whenever there's something in the inbox, usually Arena rewards)

"Did you check that notification yet? We could have a request from a client, so please do so right away."

Default: (requires no affinity, has no time constraints)

"I have been assigned to Sinostra, so I will not allow them to stand trial, no matter how villainous their actions. That is the Shinjo family policy."

"I shall ensure the Gala is held this year, and that Sinostra will wear the Laurel Crown. I have never made a promise I couldn't keep."

boy i can't wait for that to fall through--he, respectfully, needs the humbling.

"I've read the Compendium of Laws countless times since I was a child. Memorizing its contents is a rite of passage for the eldest son of the Shinjo family."

and somehow it ended up an artifact he can use as a weapon? I really wanna know what it does tbh.

"What business do you have with me? Please keep in mind that I charge 5500 yen per half hour for consultations, tax inclusive."

(roughly $35USD, although it's faster to just think of it as $55--) WE ARE BUSINESS PARTNERS. WHAT ARE YOU CHARGING A MFER FOR.

"As long as I have a notebook, my business cards, a binder, paper, and my voice recorder, I can handle the initial stages of any case."

i need my binder every day too ritsu.

Affinity 1: (between 5am and 11am)

"{PC}. Are you aware of the responsibility your position as inspector entails? I suggest you tidy your appearance and wipe that vacant look from your face."

they do not need to be aesthetically in order to be inspector. as long as they're paying attention it may even be better to look vacant. lure them into a false sense of security. also it's easier to pay attention if you're comfortable, in my experience. . . .

Affinity 2: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You've lost your notebook? Just a moment. ...At 9:04 AM, it was inside the photocopier. Yes, I do have that information recorded."

Affinity 3: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Have you seen Taiga Hoshibami? Strange... According to my behavioral model, he should be in the casino at this time..."

Affinity 4: (between 8pm and 5am)

"At the end of each day, I compile information about every person I encountered in my notebook. It always proves useful eventually."

yandere adjacent behavior, except it's for everyone and not just one person lolol

Affinity 5: (between 8pm and 5am)

"The vice-captain has asked me to organize some documents. Let's start by making copies of everything in case the originals become lost or damaged."

Romeo has a line that references this as well!

Affinity 6: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"I always have my business cards on hand. It should go without saying—any lawyer who fails to gain their client's trust during the first meeting is not worth their salt."

Affinity 7: (between 11am and 4pm)

"A post-meal coffee must be drunk black. Unnecessary additives only interfere with the natural flavor."

Affinity 8: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"Until the age of three, I spent my days visiting the greatest sights the world has to offer with my mother, as from four my studies would prevent me from doing so."

is that child abuse? i think that's child abuse. you learn the source of ritsu's problems very early on in his affinity--he has had zero normal social interaction opportunities and no childhood. From birth until he stopped being a toddler he was just flying around the world looking at beautiful things, no stability in his location or world aside from the presence of his mother, and then he went home and probably basically got locked away to study law the moment he could sort of read. His whole existence was molding him to work. . .Subaru is similar, even down to what age they were forced to start preparing to work at. But Subaru is at least better adjusted, probably because acting awarded him better opportunities to try and think about how other people think.

Affinity 9: (between 8pm and 5am)

"According to my behavioral model, there is a 29% chance that Taiga Hoshibami is currently at the baccarat table."

Affinity 10: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I review the day's coursework for two hours then prepare for the next day's classes for three— no more, and no less. Six more minutes of silence, please."

WHERE DO THE RECORDINGS COME IN TO THIS. This mans somehow has 40 hour days. Maybe his artifact slows down time or something lol

Affinity 11: (between 5am and 11am)

"Good morning, {PC}. We have a meeting at 3 PM today, so please adjust your plans accordingly."

Affinity 12: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Darkwick Rulebook Article 183: "For the protection of anomalies, unnecessary running indoors is prohibited." This rule has been in place for over one hundred years."

wait how old is this school? how old is the Institute???

Affinity 13: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"All right. We need to organize our notes from today's investigation, so let's relocate to the diner. Our usual booth, of course."

Affinity 14: (between 5am and 11am)

"The content of our classes may be novel, but I topped the year in the scholastic ability test—they are nothing I can't handle."

so among the first years' scholastic ability tests, Ritsu was 1st, Leo was 2nd, Sho was 5th. Considering there are only four new first year ghouls then that must include the general students too. I wonder where Ren placed? Probably not very high. But still, Ritsu is a genius. . .or at least very very good at memorizing information. Lots of book smarts, minimal other smarts.

Affinity 15: (between 5am and 11am)

"As your business partner, I request that you improve your conduct. Please refrain from consenting to any further uncompensated labor."

Affinity 16: (between 11am and 4pm)

"Our Anomalous Law classes are truly fascinating. There is a long history well worth learning about— though of course, I have already mastered the basics."

Affinity 17: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I cannot afford to be complacent, even before bedtime. It's vital that I check the day's notes again to ensure nothing has been missed."

Affinity 18: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I set time aside in the evening to watch opera performances online. It allows me to get my thoughts in order, and provides a change of pace."

when??? what time??? because he has to review all of the audio recordings and notes from the whole day--what time does he have to do anything in???

Affinity 19: (between 10pm and midnight)

"I just finished checking my recordings from today. You sighed a total of four times— is something troubling you?"

i love the vibe of this. rather than silently nothing your sighing and potential exhaustion or scolding you for not caring for yourself, he expresses concern towards you. also, it's so soft yandere. like he already records everything you say and do, to confront you over it on top of that he shamelessly defends his recording and notetaking. . .if not for that he recorded everyone it would really be so yandere lolol. instead it's just his odd and overbearing way of showing he's beginning to care.

Affinity 20: (between 5am and 11am)

"You struggle to get up in the morning? I can contact you each day at a set time if you like, but I'll have to think about how much to charge..."

affinity 20 and my guy still wants to charge for his time. . .we're gonna have to teach him to have A Singular Normal Social Connection aren't we. and we're probably gonna fail.

Affinity 21: (between 11am and 4pm)

"You wish to have lunch with me? All right. We are business partners, so I will accompany you free of charge."

wait maybe i spoke too soon.

Affinity 22: (between 4pm and 8pm)

"This is for you, {PC}— it's the takeout coffee I often purchase. Your performance will decline if your mind isn't sharp."

his increased attachment is shown in the bare minimum of understanding normal human social interaction and caring for you by sharing his things and his time without charge. In trying to make you the best you(from his perspective) that you can be. Because that's what his parents did for him--so surely that's the best expression of love he has, aside from obsessive study and understanding.

Affinity 23: (between 8pm and 5am)

"I feel we made solid progress toward the reinstatement of the Gala today. Let's reconvene again tomorrow and continue working together to realize our goal."

Affinity 24: (between 10pm and midnight)

"Could I ask you to accompany me a little longer, {PC}? I realize it's outside of business hours, but...I would appreciate it if you could make a special exception."

He wants to spend time with you. And he's realizing he can just ask that. But he's so entrenched in legal and business mannerisms he doesn't know how to say "i want to be around you for longer". You're his business partner. It's bad form to request your attention outside of work, it has no value towards your goals and business efforts, but. . .that he's making a sort of formal appeal for your attention outside of work is as far as he can get in terms of expressing his affection right now.

Affinity 25(max): (no time constraints)

"It seems we make better business partners than I would have expected. I look forward to a long and prosperous relationship with you."

kind of comical that his max affinity line is still so formal after a more friendly 'please spend time with me late at night' 24th. . .but also, he wants you to be his business partner for longer. i think that counts towards something! It's a reason to stay with you! Maybe over the course of your business partnership he'll learn how to express deeper feelings. . .he's going to need an heir, after all--

Spring: (March-May) (between 5am and 11am)

"There has been a noticeable increase in reports of suspicious activity of late. More incidents means more business. Be prepared."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"You have a petal in your hair. A little more to the right. No, not there. Just let me remove it. Hold still."

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Indeed, the cherry blossoms are in bloom. Incidentally, Japan's oldest cherry blossom tree can be found in Yamanashi Prefecture and is estimated to be 2000 years old."

ritsu would probably kill at historical trivia night.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"I had tempura at the cafeteria today. It didn't come close to the tempura I would eat with my father at the historic soba restaurant we used to frequent though."

Summer: (June-August) (between 5am and 11am)

"This one is for my face, and this is for my body. I have six handkerchiefs with me— enough for morning, noon, and night. I cannot let my opponents see me sweat."

why's this giving me ace attorney prosecutor energy. . . . .

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I witnessed a half-naked man running around in this vicinity. Did you see him? He is risking a charge of indecent exposure."

but we saw Kaito in his underwear and you said that meant he wasn't at risk of indecent exposure. . . . . . . .

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"The warmer it gets, the more of a racket people make. Honestly, how were these people raised?"

to relax and have fun during the summer break. . .you should give it a try.

(between 8pm and 5am)

"You want to go and watch the fireworks? A rather childish request, but all right. So? Where would one go to view them?"

FIREWORKS DATE FIREWORKS DATE just don't touch him without getting his consent first that could be counted as sexual harassment and he'll Get Your Ass.

Autumn: (September-November) (between 5am and 11am)

"The weather is much more pleasant for going out on professional errands now. A first-rate lawyer keeps their boots on the ground. Now then, let's get going."

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I object to the cultural assumption that fall is the season of the arts. The arts should be enjoyed throughout the year, regardless of the season."

you and yuri would get along well i think. until you realize the guy is a medical malpractice suit waiting to happen. then you'd criticize him and he would take that so poorly.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"Once I've perused the relevant documents in the library, I plan on doing some reading. Please excuse me."

(between 8pm and 5am)

"The nights may grow longer in the fall, but daylight hours should not affect the time you rise and retire. I'll see you tomorrow."

Winter: (December-February) (between 5am and 11am)

"I have detected a change in how Taiga Hoshibami divides his time since the weather has taken a cold turn. It has created quite a quandary for me..."

yeah he doesn't like getting out of bed when it's cold. he also eats a lot more, like a bear about to hibernate. shockingly behavior patterns tend to change with the seasons.

(between 11am and 4pm)

"I've never experienced snowfall heavy enough to obstruct my movement, but I'd like to deepen my knowledge of the phenomenon for future reference."

to frostheim then! i'm sure that place is just awful for movement in winter.

(between 4pm and 8pm)

"I'm heading to the diner to fulfill a request from Ren Shiranami. Perhaps I shall enjoy a warm bowl of soup while I'm there."

. . .I wonder if this is an Obey Me!Raphael situation where he has no grasp of that the food is not good. . . .

(between 8pm and 5am)

"People say that hard work is the key to success, but it only took me a year to master German—as was the case with Italian and French."

His birthday: (January 13th)

"Indeed, today is my birthday. I've always celebrated this day by enjoying my mother's cooking, but from this year I am striving for a more self-reliant existence."

MAMA'S BOY MAMA'S BOY tbf up until he was 3 his mother was probably his only social connection and then he was locked away studying so. . .his mom is probably the only one he has like. . .personal feelings and attachment for. you'll be a tradwife too :) but also that he's trying to be more self-reliant at darkwick. . .that really does explain that he's like. not used to any sort of social interaction or doing things he hasn't been told to do by his parents. maybe in his time at darkwick he'll realize how good it feels to just. . .be a person. dedicate time to fun and relaxation. realize that work isn't everything. or maybe he'll be so judgemental towards the lifestyles of others he'll retreat even further into his current habits.

Your birthday:

"Happy birthday. A year older, a year wiser. I have high hopes for your performance in the coming year."

New Years: (January 1st)

"Happy New Year. Let's devote these next 365 days—or 8760 hours—to finding fitting solutions to the challenges that come our way."

what if it's a leap year. can we take the extra day off?

Valentine's Day: (February 14th)

"Thank you for the chocolates. Are you gifting them to me out of social obligation, or is this an expression of affection? Your answer will influence what you receive in return."

(for the uninitiated, that is very much a thing in Japan where on valentine's day a girl give some men in her life--like coworkers--obligation chocolates, which are generally not as nice and most likely store bought, although this practice is losing ground. friends get friendship chocolate and you give people you're actually attracted to or in a relationship more extravagant, expensive, or homemade chocolates to express your true feelings or a desire to be in a relationship with them. Ritsu is essentially asking 'is this because we're coworkers or are you asking me out' because White Day is the day for return gifts in response to given valentine's day gifts, and in the case of chocolates given to someone you wanna go out with they can act as a response to that proposal. presumably if you're asking him out he wants to give you chocolate to agree to get with you, since he's bothering to ask. . . .

White Day: (March 14th)

"White Day has its roots in Japan, having been invented by a certain historic confectionery shop. With that knowledge, please accept this."

'here's some trivia. and some chocolates. we are now in a relationship. should this be as fruitful as our business partnership, we can discuss marriage plans within the year.'

April Fool's Day: (April 1st)

"The spreading of false rumors is subject to strict punishment under Article 233 of the Penal Code. Do you still intend to continue this ruse?"

NO FUN ALLOWED.

Halloween: (October 31st)

"Coercing another party to choose between a "trick" or a "treat" could amount to intimidation. Engage in such festivities at your own risk."

NO FUN ALLOWED PART TWO: ILLEGAL BOOGALOO.

Christmas: (December 25th)

"Religious freedom is guaranteed by Article 20 of the Constitution. If this is a day that you wish to celebrate, then I will accept that."

he can't make you work on religious holidays you need off!!

Idle: (about 20 seconds without interacting with the game) (below 13 affinity)

"Five seconds have elapsed. Yes, that is how long you've kept me waiting."

(13 affinity and above)

"How long do you intend to keep me waiting? As always, I am on a tight schedule today. Please hurry up."

Absent: (logging in for the first time in 2 or more days?)

"I've been expecting you, {PC}. You weren't planning on breaking your promise to me, were you?"

SUCH A HARD-WORKING, SOCIALLY INEPT LAD. But Ritsu's a lot of fun, I give him a lot of shit and i desperately need him to touch some grass and get a reality check and learn about how others live and maybe experiment. . .but like i love him for being such a little shit. he's so. . .ignorant to the rest of the world and how other people are. . .i love seeing him try and dissect other people's behavior and intentions and coming to the conclusion that they must want the same things as him because he just. . .has no grasp of interests and intentions that aren't his own. . . . It makes me facepalm but also makes me laugh 8'D good boy. quality boy.

[atom-writings]

helloooo can i request headcanons of allies x gn!vampire!reader? some questions for ideas: would they let their s/o drink their blood, who would love it, who would be scared, how would they react to their s/o telling them theyre a vamp. its up to you as to what kind of vampire u wanna write :3 !! i hope this isnt confusing, but ty if u write this !!

hetalia allies with a vampire s/o

1.0k words ~ gender neutral headcanons

tw: mentions of blood and death (obviously)

a/n: getting sick in the summer is so stupid. girl just get better

America

”Woah, you're a vampire? Like from Blade?“ would be his first words once you tell him. It's almost like he doesn't even realize what being a vampire really entails. Which, to be fair, a vampire isn't any weirder than an alien (of which he's met many.)

Most of the time, he just thinks your vampirism is a cool quirk. More like a party trick if anything.

When it comes to feeding, he'd totally let you drink his blood. Not too often, but he doesn't mind. When you first try, he's more excited than anything. Who else's partner can do that?!

(Plus, he'd make it a personal mission to make a burger with enough blood that you can eat it. Seeing you at barbecues makes him too sad not to.)

He probably wouldn’t even remember that vampires are immortal until you’ve been dating for 100 years. Only then would he be like… wait a minute.

Alfred is accepting of a lot of things and is always willing to accommodate your vampiric habits, but don't expect him to suddenly become nocturnal and goth. He's out by 9 pm every night, that's not changing for anyone, supernatural or otherwise.

England

Arthur may seem like he's too stuck in ways to be cool with a vampiric partner, but he's also the guy who is friends with fairies. He probably knew you were a vampire even before you told him.

He doesn't mind at all. Being antisocial and traditional is really what he wants in a partner. Plus, your immortality comforts him greatly. He's possessive and paranoid so it's a real weight off his mind that you can't die by most means.

But, he doesn't appreciate the more gore-y aspects of vampirism much. No, you can't drink his blood unless you're literally on the verge of death. No, you can't bring your blood bags into the house. No, he's not gonna help you hunt. That's your own problem, be home by 6 am.

So, not scared, just uncomfortable.

Hopefully, you're the magic type of vampire, because he really needs some help with his spells, and being able to turn into a bat seems like a step in the right direction.

France

When it comes to your vampirism, Francis is very conflicted. When you tell him, he probably seems like he doesn't care, but that's not entirely true. On the one hand, he's arguably dated much worse, much stranger people, but on the other hand... ew, blood!

He is a little scared of you, especially if you ask to feed on him. He'd agree but burst into tears the moment your fangs get anywhere close to his neck. His love for you is never in doubt, but he'd be lying if he didn't keep a stake stored in his glove compartment. Just in case your friends start calling...

But the more romantic aspects of vampirism, that of immortality and eternal transience, he loves those parts of you. He's happy to finally share a life with someone who'll understand his fairy-tale view of the world.

Plus, he loves the night. If you want to be nocturnal, he'd be out with you most evenings. Just don't let him see you kill people.

China

Yao and a vampire would be a very… turbulent relationship to say the least. His lifestyle is not one a vampire would mesh well with at all, not to mention his superstitions would have you sleeping on the couch (or outside-) most nights.

No way in hell would he let you drink his blood. No. Never. He can get you some weird knock-off blood, just for his own peace of mind, but that's the most he would ever participate in your feeding habits. Don’t talk to him about it, he’ll yell to stop until you do.

Plus, he'd be so, so sad you can't eat his meals. How is he supposed to show he likes you now?!

In general, he'd be very freaked out that you're a vampire. He would say he's not scared, but in reality, he shivers whenever he sees your fangs. Although, he really doesn’t mind having someone who’ll be stuck with him for the rest of foreseeable time. Hopefully, you’re not that young either, he’d love a more traditional partner.

The first time you told him, you were forced out of bed early in the morning so Yao could drag you to some (very shady) religious leader's house to be “cleansed.“

Not a fun experience to have. But, as time goes on, he'd become more trusting and accepting. He has seen much stranger, after all.

Russia

Like a lot of deal-breakers, Ivan could not care less. When you tell him, it's like you said nothing at all. He's a man who's at peace with the supernatural (being somewhat supernatural himself,) so he doesn't mind at all.

If you asked to drink his blood, he'd be up for it! He'd be ecstatic, even. He finds it very romantic and he's always up to try new things. Luckily for you, you could probably suck all his blood and he'd wake up fine the next morning.

If any one of the allies would love your vampirism, it'd be him. He's completely cool with becoming nocturnal (easier to garden) hunting people (good old-fashioned family fun!) and doing weird magic stuff (did you see him come through the floor that one time?)

In fact, he'd probably seek out a vampire partner. It means you'll be with him forever, bonded in blood. (He’ll) you’ll never be alone again!

[blankdotcom]

Why I believe it makes the most sense for El to end up single (and why she was in a relationship in the first place)

To start off an analysis I like to just take a look at the internal conflict of a character because this explains lots of their actions. An internal conflict is a characters personal struggles with their fears or flaws. This internal conflict is not always resolved, but most of the times it is. Now before I say what I believe Elevens internal conflict is, even if I am accurate the writers might decide to not resolve this conflict for whatever reason, so just keep in mind that this is just a theory 👍

From what I’ve seen since Season 1 to Season 4, Elevens internal conflict has been been isolated from the world and lacking skills she would have and should have learnt at a young age (i’m sure there is an adjective that describes that but i do not remember so i’m sticking with that).

Eleven was thrown in a lab like an experiment ever since she was first born. She was isolated from the real world and stuck in a lab where she wasn’t treated like a real human but like a prisoner or patient. She never learnt how to communicate, read, or anything else a child should be learning, especially when they’re at school age. She had never seen outside.

So when she escaped the lab, that was the first time she saw the real world, and like any child who sees something they’re unfamiliar with, she was scared. All she ever knew was the lab.

So when she stumbles across a trio of boys and one of them takes her into his house for shelter, it’s pretty natural she grows dependent on him. And that just so happened to be Mike.

It was Mike who teaches her how to speak, gives her clothes, you know, treats her like a human being. But the thing is that wasn’t the norm to El, so this behaviour seemed wayyy above the standards. To her, he appeared to be treating her special. Expect Mike was just doing what he thought was right, what he thought was the standard.

Also, little reminder that Eleven never had friends, let alone a boyfriend. In fact, she didn’t even know what a friend was until Mike explained it to her, so I think it’s okay to assume she did not know the difference between platonic feelings and romantic feelings for someone.

And since Mike had helped her so much and because she depended on him so much for knowledge on things, whether that be social or just intelligence, she assumed what she felt was romantic.

I think where we can see this the clearest is in Season 3. In this season Eleven branches out in terms of friendship, creating a bond with Max.

The very moment Max starts to teach her independent thinking like “You make your own rules”, lets her have more freedom to explore on her own, like in the mall, give her comics (reading), she dumps Mike.

She does this because she doesn’t need him anymore, she doesn’t have anything to depend on him for, she can do it herself or get Max to help her.

Now I’m not saying El doesn’t actually love Mike, because you obviously form a bond with the person who saved you in the middle of the forest and took you in, what I’m saying is that it’s not romantic love, it’s platonic love.

This moment where she’s becoming independent could have resolved her internal conflict, but then she had to move states and with unfamiliar environments come old familiar habits, which in this case was getting back together with Mike.

But in Season 4 Eleven starts going to school, finally learning English, Math, etc. (I’d like to point out her struggle with making friends does contribute to what i speculate her internal conflict is). She also still has all the things Max taught her. So I think this is why Eleven was more comfortable fighting with Mike and standing up for herself, because she doesn’t depend on him anymore like she used to.

Now for Season 5, I honestly don’t know how this would play out expect for the fact she would end up single to resolve this internal conflict. How that happens? How she acts towards Mike? I have no clue👍 But I would love to hear other people’s opinions on this

[fearyandear]

Taking Over (Pet! Gyutaro x Reader)

(Continuing @phantasmiafxndom 's Pet Au with Gyutaro)

OK so, Gyutaro lovers, please read the fic I am linking in case you haven't yet, because what I'm writing is just an add-on to it.

And then if you want you can also read this NSFW one as well 👉 👈

Now for my version of building off of that:

You picked him up from the streets after life made it clear how unwanted he is. Of course he thinks hes disgusting and not worth your kindness let alone even your fucking gaze. His anxiety flares up so badly around you that he hurts himself and scratches at his skin so hard it makes you squirm. When you touch him to get him to stop and when you tell him you hate seeing him bleed, he cries. He can't believe it and goes to hide in a corner and sulk.

Yet with time, patience and more and more coddling- (oh god you're ACTUALLY SPOILING him so much???) he slowly learns to let go of the habit. He is so guilty. He knows- he knows he knows he knows hes a shitty person for allowing you, for taking everything you're giving, for not leaving even though you gave him permission to whenever he felt like it.

You shouldn't be stuck with him, no one deserves to be stuck with him, but he cant help it, he really really can't, when it's YOUR fault that he's growing greedy. That he's becoming more dependent on you. YOUR FAULT.

At least, hat's what he keeps telling himself as he lets his guard down. When he hugs you after waiting for you by the door all day, when he buries his face in your chest and sighs, staying like that as you work, when you go to bed and he lays beside you, unable to sleep until you do because he's so mesmerized.

He loves you he loves you he loves you so much. He can't get enough of the feeling; it's a strong and dangerous addiction now that makes it HURT so much WORSE when after all that growth and bliss, letting himself get comfortable, you come back one day, smelling strongly like another demon.

His deep-rooted paranoia over being let go, over you realizing one day how terrible he really is, getting sick of him and dumping him back out resurfaces in the blink of an eye. He's back to crying and fretting and tearing his skin, grabbing your arms, asking you what happened and why, ready to beg you not to let him go, that he'll do ANYTHING. And even if you reassure him now, and later, and forever, he can't let your words actually get through anymore. It's not enough. It stays with him for the rest of the month.

He's extra clingy. Pushing the boundaries on what he can and can't do. Whining when you raise your voice or try to tell him he can't do something. Guilt tripping you. He doesn't care that he's risking his stay at your house by being this forceful. You promised to be HIS owner. His. HishishisHIS- and that means having to deal with some of these 'annoyances.'

Like every morning now, he won't let you go to work until rubs his scent all over you, repeating the process when you come back home. He will start a 'game' where he will hide your things and not give them back until he's had enough fun with you pleading him. But, worst of all, if you try to sit or lay and relax anywhere, like the couch, floor or bed, he will hold you hostage by keeping you pinned under him demanding that you tell him that he's yours. Telling you that no other demon will be abke to take you away. Thinking of these as (subtle threats) reminders for you not to go looking for one to. After the third time this happens, you get annoyed that he distrusts you this much.

"Yeah, you're mine. And I'm yours. Of course, I'm not getting any other demon. You're my only precious pet and I'm your one and only owner."

You said it. You're HIS.

Just like he always hoped you would. You confirmed it, you confirmed it so you're confirming all his other delusions too.

That you love each other and that means he can push you as much as he wants, right? Because you said so- because you don't mind, because you haven't gotten mad at him! You're so nice, you won't mind hin showing you the depths of his depraved fantasies, right? That he wants more than what you're offering... You won't run away, no, you've been so GOOD to him. You can stand his selfishness.... fuck.

He's planning on it.

Lord fucking help you when his heat kicks back in after that. No more of the mewling demon that was ashamed of it, you wake up to him already on top of you, rutting against you and kissing your neck, telling you he's sorry but- 'It's so painful... he couldn't wait... please, before you go to work?' But one handjob isn't enough anymore, uugh he came too fast- and he's still SO HARD. Come oon~ he wants you again, please please, before you go- let him.... just... touch you in return? Again and again, you have tondrag yourself to the door, struggling to finally get out because he's behind you, whining and thrusting behind you, against your thighs, groaning in your ear and groping at you. You're going to be late, you know you are but you're completely glued to where you are and the worst of it is how he cums on your leg and has the nerve to slump on your back and whine and tell you how much he loves you and how much hes going to miss you while youre gone. His hands start moving more down, to a part of you that hadn't received attention yet and you finally unfreeze and open the door to get out in a rush.

You finally get on your car, horny, with splotches on your work clothes now and the lingering feeling of his hands on you. You're stuck thinking about what he's probably doing while you're at your work, burning as you realize the mess that you'll deal with when you get back home. This heat is going to be tougher. Just how far are you willing to put out this time? Will it even matter?

He's always going to want more.

[hausofmingi]

his good girl - chapter 1

pairing: song mini x stripper!reader

tags: stripper au, smut series

warnings: slight mentions of stalker, bad words (tee hee), dom!mingi, sub!reader, riding, daddydom!mingi, finger sucking, being carried and getting fucked, a bit of physical roughness (reader receiving), degradation but also praise, cum eating (off the floor!), aftercare

wc: 3.8 k

an: so I decided to give the reader a name because that feels more realistic to me as a reader than y/n. I find that sometimes reading "y/n" takes me out of it a little, so lmk if you find this helpful as well! Also, I am a little depraved so right off the bat, this gets very crazy kinky

minors dni!! 18+ only!!

“Where is the red garter belt I let you borrow?” You are racing around your and Lina’s small apartment, trying to prepare for yet another night on the job. 

“I don’t know, I may have left it at the club?” Lina answers from the bathroom. 

Red is his favorite. You don’t want to disappoint. 

“Well great Lina thanks for that, I’m never letting you borrow my shit again.” 

“Love you too!” she calls after you as you leave to go shopping. It’s not like you’re against making another trip to get some new pieces, but why do you always make the same mistake in letting Lina borrow your favorite stuff…

Your’s and Lina’s apartment is in a pretty run down building in an unsafe part of Gangnam, but no matter how shitty it is, its yours and you really want it to feel like home. 

But, that doesn’t mean you don’t feel the pair of eyes watching you as you exit out of your apartment building and walk towards the bus stop. 

You have been noticing that lately, the feeling that someone is watching you. When you leave your house, when you’re at the grocery store, while you’re going on a run. You try and brush it off because this is normal for women and all that, but today, you pay just a little harder attention. 

Out of the corner of your eye, you see a figure in a black hood (Jacket? Coat? You don’t want to look too hard) standing across the street from your apartment building. You walk a little faster to the bus stop just in case. 

That night, after spending more than you should on new lingerie sets, you and Lina are about to take the stage for your first stage set. It’s almost midnight, which is usually the time he makes his appearance. 

You always get butterflies, but not the stage fright normal kind of butterflies, the kind that make your clit perk up and your nipples harden. 

Why do you always get so worked up over a man who hasn’t even fucked you?, you think as you make your way up to the stage. 

You really have become quite the pro at this. After 4 years of working for this club, your boss has dubbed you his favorite girl. Doyeon always protects you and gives you the most popular customers, knowing you will always keep them coming back. 

You always thought it felt nice to be appreciated, especially knowing he didn’t have any intentions of coming onto you, on account of he’s a flaming fruitcake.

Its a good ways into your set, and his table still sits empty. You feel the sweat start to form on your back, but try to stay in your routine. 

Why isn’t he here? Where could he be instead? Did his company find out he was doing this? 

You always got scared that it might be leaked that idols come here, knowing the sasaengs stalker habits. Mingi, being a part of one of the biggest Korean boy groups, Ateez, must have a large number of crazy fans following him. 

Did they find out and tip the press to show up here? You didn’t see anyone outside though… Your mind runs rampant with all of the reasons that it could possibly be as you walk off stage and collect your tips from the stage manager. 

Tears start to threaten to spill, and you think you are crazy yet again to be this affected by a man you haven’t even had a conversation with. 

On the way home, Lina can tell you’re bothered and nudges your side as you walk home. 

“So you know how Taehyun has been requesting me a lot? Well he mentioned his upcoming tour tonight, I think he might finally take me along with them!” She exclaimed excitedly. 

“Don’t be ridiculous, he’s just saying that so you’ll suck him off some more.” you say. 

“Well damn… What’s got you all worked up honey?” She always called you honey when she was trying to comfort you. 

“Mingi didn’t come tonight..” you admit. 

“On a Thursday? That’s… super out of character. Well don’t worry, I’m sure practice just went long or he has an early morning schedule or….” her talking trails off as you dissociate. 

Lina has always been a nice friend, agreeing to move in with you without knowing you very well, trying her best to always cheer you up. It’s not her fault you felt like you guys were never really close. You give her props for trying though. 

You pull out your phone and check his bubble and instagram, seeing if maybe they could give you some clues. Nothing. 

You fall asleep that night thinking of the last time his fingers swiped your lip, hoping it wasn’t the last.

—

The next night at the club is gloomy. Even though it’s a Friday, attendance is lower and your energy is even lower. 

The feeling of someone watching you has been bothering you all day, but the guy in the hood has yet to make an appearance. You are just looking forward to curling up in your bed tonight and continually refreshing Mingi’s bubble messages. 

The stage manager calls for everyone to get onstage for the final number and the other girls rush out. You take your time though, not feeling like getting in a rush for this menial thing. 

You hang your head in your hands, covering your eyes and taking a breath. Just get through it, he’s just a man, you try to remind yourself. 

A smell reaches you, like a really expensive cologne. Musky and masculine, and somehow… dominant. 

You look up and standing in the doorway is him. He stands as if he owns the place, hands in his pocket, opting for a fitted vest tonight in lieu of a jacket. 

And he’s staring you down, studying you intently. If it was anyone else, you would feel the need to cover yourself and apologize. But not with him. 

You probably look like a dumbass, staring at him through the mirror with your mouth slightly open. 

He speaks first. “You were worried.” It’s a question but he doesn’t need an answer. 

“Yes,” is all you can manage to squeak out. 

He leans against the doorway, messing with his shirt cuff. You still haven’t moved, frozen in place. How did he get in here, past the security guard? How did he know which dressing room you were in? Was he the person in the hood you noticed this morning? He must be stalking you… Why doesn’t that bother you more? 

He notices your anxiety moving through you. “Don’t worry, I just know the security guard. He owed me a favor. I’m not a stalker” he responds, as if he read your mind.

“That’s… good” you say. 

He drops his arms and strides towards you, slowly as to not spook you. “Well thank you for worrying about me. I’m okay, for now. But, here’s the problem my love,” he draws his finger up your arm, making your hair stand up and bumps form. “You may be in trouble.” 

You aren’t sure what he means. “What kind of trouble?” you ask. “Like legal trouble?” 

You are afraid that maybe one of the idols ratted this place out and the feds are going to come knocking down your door and take you all away. Would Mingi still visit you in jail? Surely not, there’s no lap dances there… 

He sticks his finger under your chin and pushes it up to make you look at him. Drip. 

“Please stop letting your mind get ahead of you, baby. Let daddy speak.” DRIP. 

“A sasaeng has been getting very close to you. Too close. I can’t let you get hurt.” Awe, he wants to protect you. DRIP DRIP DRIPPING. 

“How did they find me?” you ask. 

He leans against the counter as he continues, “I am not sure, I don’t even know how much they know. Sasaengs are insane people with insane complexes. This one has been stalking me since pre-debut. But I’ve always been careful that she doesn’t see me come in here. So how she knows that you are important to me, I don’t know…” IMPORTANT TO HIM??? 

Okay you’ll have to throw these underwear out at this point. 

“So what do I need to do then? To protect myself I mean” you ask him. 

“Nothing, I want you to do absolutely nothing and let me handle it. But in the meantime, you can’t go back to your apartment.” 

Hate to say it, but fine by you. Maybe you’ll save some money by not having to replace your stolen shit anymore.

“Where will I go instead?” you ask. 

“You’ll come stay with me.” Jesus Christ, 20 year old you would be freaking the fuck out. But, it doesn’t make you freak out, in that way at least. 

“What about Lina, what about my job? I can’t live with you, much less San and Seonghwa. I’ll never see you. What if you have to travel for schedules? I’m just supposed to stay in your dorm 24/7? I have a life! I barely even know you! You only ever say 4 words to me, and then fucking leave me in a puddle, how can I just-” 

His hand stroking the side of your cheek cuts you off. “Again with the mind racing, baby. I don’t want you to uproot your life, it will be temporary. I have my own apartment now too, so we won’t be with other members. It will only be until we are 100% sure you are safe to be alone. I will take care of you, I promise.” he reassures. 

You lean into the hand that holds your head, a few tears falling into it. You finally get the courage to look up at him, making eye contact. He has dropped his heavy, dominant demeanor. Instead, his eyes hold only comfort and concern. 

Maybe he wasn’t kidding; maybe you really are important to him. 

After a minute of silence, “Okay, so what do I need to do right now?” you ask.

“Change and pack up your stuff, we are going to the apartment. Make a list of what all you need from your apartment when we get home and I will send a staff to collect it all in the morning.” 

“And take a breath, princess.” You unclench your jaw, which you didn’t even realize was clenched. He kisses your forehead before reaching down to grab your duffle bag that you carry your things in. 

You think in silence as you pack. Take a breath he says… he will protect me he says… Why me? Why is protecting me, a stripper, just some stripper that he barely speaks to. He doesn’t even know my real name…

“Yes I do,” he says from the chair he has sat down in to wait for you. Oops, you must’ve said that part outloud. 

“It’s Cora.” You like the way he flips the “r” of your American name with his Korean accent. 

“How do you know that?” he ignores you. “How do you know I used to live with San and Seonghwa?” “Touche…” you respond.

“All done?” he asks. You nod. He crosses to you and starts stroking your arms to comfort you. 

“I want you to remember though, you still have to be a good girl for me at the apartment, can you do that?” 

You look up at him through your eyelashes, surprised that he still is holding this up even at a time like this. Is it all an act, or is it truly how he is? Either way, you are turned on once again. 

“Yes..” you respond. He cocks his eyebrow, questioning your answer. 

“Yes what?” 

“Yes… daddy.”

“There’s my good girl.”

With his hand on your back, he guides you out of the dressing room and out the back door, where a black hatchback with tinted windows is waiting. He holds open the door for you, and helps you into the car. If only other men treated all their strippers like this…

The car ride home (whatever home means at the moment) is very silent. He has his hand on your thigh the entire way, the other staying steady on the wheel. His thumb rubs back and forth, another attempt at comfort you’re guessing. It works, sort of. 

Just smelling him and being near him your body is relaxed, knowing he will take care of you and wanting to give yourself to him. It’s like you are under his spell, which is crazy. You are usually so independent and self-sufficient. What about him makes you want to grant his every wish? 

“Shouldn’t you be blindfolding me, so I won’t know where your apartment is and so I won’t run away and all that?” you ask, kind of joking. 

“You won’t” he says while keeping his eyes on the road, fully confident in his answer. 

He’s probably right. 

–

Finally you reach the apartment. You almost drifted off to sleep, even though the drive was only about 20 minutes. He parks right outside the front door of the building and gets out to open your door for you. He offers his hand to help you out of the car. It’s much appreciated because you are still in your platform heels, just throwing a coat over your outfit you were going to wear to perform in. 

He keeps his hand on your back as you walk up to the doors, through the lobby, and up the elevator. It’s a really nice building with a concierge and fresh flowers all over. Sometimes you forget how big Ateez really is, and figure that Mingi bought this place with his own money. 

You wonder if he has neighbors on his floor. Do they know he lives next to them? Does he talk to his neighbors at all? Do they know that he is having his own personal stripper move in with him?

They’re gonna know now, from how loud you are being. 

How you ended up riding him in his dining room chair about 15 minutes later, you’re not so sure. 

—

He was going slow, too slow, slow enough that you could feel every. single. inch. 

You tried to grind your hips and get him in deeper, but the tight hold he had on your asscheek lets you know that even though you are on top, you are not in control. 

His other hand is holding your face, his thumb hooked in your mouth. You suck and gag on it as much as you can, but it’s hard to focus when he is going this slow. 

You felt high, things were getting foggy. All you knew is that you wanted to please him. 

“My beautiful girl, doing so well. You were waiting for this for a long time weren’t you?” his deep voice sends sparks to your clit and makes you even wetter, if that’s even possible. 

You can only close your eyes and nod. You want to throw your head back, but his hand on your cheek and thumb in your mouth keeps it facing forward. “Now baby, what did I say? Eyes. on. me.” 

He jerks your head a bit, just to make you a little scared. 

You know he would never hurt you. 

Unless you asked. 

You open your eyes like a good girl. How could you not be a good girl for him? 

His breath catches when you make eye contact with him again. His eyes bare into your soul, never breaking. 

You whimper a little when the head of his cock catches someplace you have never felt before. He smirks, knowing. He hits it again, making the upper half of your body keen forward, his thumb slipping out of your mouth. 

Your hands, which were bracing on the back of the chair, move down to his pecs. You are desperate for him, desperate for that feeling that release you dreamt about him giving you. 

You start to bounce since he let go of you, letting his arms hang down and his head fall back in pleasure. You are doing that to him. You are making him let go. 

You grind his cockhead up against your g-spot over and over again, drooling down his neck. 

You wish you could see what you guys look like, his giant body draped over the chair in ecstasy, you sat on his thick thighs bouncing on his perfect cock, licking up and down his neck. 

You’re close, really close, and your walls start to constrict down on his cock. His eyes shoot open and he jerks his head up at the feeling. 

“Hold on princess,” he practically growls at you. 

Hold onto what? You think. 

He grabs underneath your thighs, holding his hands behind your back and lifts the both of you out of the chair with him still inside of you. 

Oh my god, holy shit. 

This was too good, you couldn’t have even dreamt this up. 

You wrap your hands around his neck and he pummels into you as fast as he can, hitting your g-spot every single time as if he has memorized the angle. The sound of his balls hitting your ass covers your cries of his name. 

“Fucking. Take it.” he says, his forehead touching yours. He has essentially lost control of his body, just bouncing you wildly up and down his cock. 

It’s coming, It’s coming. Please, please, please, “please.” You don’t even know what you’re begging for, if you’re even talking out loud. You feel like you are losing your grip on reality, its so so close. 

He stills inside of you, leaving his cock right on the spot you need the most. He just shallowly thrusts, just rubbing your g-spot with his cockhead. Holy shit, it feels like fucking heaven. 

“Now,” he commands. 

And you obey. 

You flutter around him, feeling how his shallow thrusts stutter when you cum. You don’t stop for at least a full minute. 

“Thank you thank you thank you, oh fuck, thank you daddy” is all you can say as your clit jumps in ecstasy. 

His eyebrows are furrowed together, he’s close too. Right as your orgasm tapers out, you tighten your thighs around him and give him 3 bounces. That’s all he needs. 

He pulls you off of him just as he’s cumming, holding you away from him so you can watch the cum drip out of his cock and onto the floor. It’s so beautiful, you think. 

He sets your legs down on the floor, but they can’t hold you up and you fall to your knees. You can barely see straight, and you can’t catch your breath. Holy shit he may really have fucked the shit out of you. 

You keep your eyes turned to the ground while you try and slow your heart, but you see him start to squat down to your level. He picks up your chin with his hand to look up at him. “Baby… you need to clean up your mess.” 

“Wh..What?” you stutter. 

He stands up straight again, looming over you with his giant presence. “Clean it up.” his gaze falls to the ground and yours follows. 

Oh… you get it now. 

Not breaking eye contact, you lean your head down. You stick out your tongue and lick up the cum that he let fall to the floor, as well as some from you that you didn’t even realize had dripped down. He smiles. 

You feel like a pet, like a slave. 

You fucking love it. 

“That’s my good girl.” he praises you. You wipe off your mouth and look up at him through your eyelashes. He squats back down to your level, seeming to have fallen for your puppy dog eyes. 

“Does my baby need help getting cleaned up?” 

“Yes daddy.” 

He bends down to pick you up, which he does with ease, as if you weighed nothing. He guides your legs to wrap around him and he carries you into the bathroom. 

He sets you down to sit on the toilet and turns on the shower to start heating up. Why do you feel so dizzy? You gaze can’t focus. 

“Cora… don’t pass out on me my love.” he holds your face in his hands. 

“What do you need baby?” you grab onto his wrist to try and steady yourself. 

“Just a minute… I’m sorry.” 

“Don���t apologize, take your time.”

He strokes your hair as you take a few deep breaths to steady yourself. 

“Is the shower ready?” you ask. 

“Yes my love, whenever you are.”

“Will you help me?” you ask.

“Of course” he says as he starts guiding you towards the shower door. 

He lets you step in first and before you can protest that you can shower on your own, he steps in behind you. 

It's a really big shower, with beautiful blue tiles and a detachable shower head. Detachable? Huh…

You lean into his chest, your head barely meeting the middle of it due to his height. One of his arms wraps around your body while the other starts to shampoo your hair. 

Why do you already feel so comfortable with him? As if you have been showering together for years. You literally just licked this man’s cum off the floor and have no remorse about it. Should you feel guilty? 

Nah, you kind of just feel like bragging to other Atiny’s on Twitter. I sucked his beautiful cock!! Suckers!!! Probably wouldn’t be the best idea…

After washing the rest of your body and getting you out of the shower and making sure you brushed your teeth, you are now tucked into his extremely comfortable bed. You don’t usually sleep naked, but it seems right when he is too. 

You turn to face him in the bed. He was already staring at you, it seems. 

“You know, I wasn’t expecting us to fuck right off the bat..” you admit. 

“Me neither, but I am not surprised. It’s hard to resist you.”

“You’ve been resisting me for the past 6 months. You know I always craved more from you.”

“Yes I did know. But I didn’t want to enjoy you in such a public space. I just craved being around you. Its hard to resist you, though, princess. Just know that.”

I guess that makes me feel better, but still… so many things unanswered.

“I know you are probably questioning a lot of things. Just try and get some sleep tonight, okay my love?” he asks. 

“Okay..” you agree in a small voice, knowing that you will wake up tomorrow with even more unanswered questions. 

“Good girl.” He curls his arm around your middle and tucks you into his side, kissing your forehead before drifting to sleep. 

He smells like the same cologne he was wearing earlier tonight. Beautiful, musky, and masculine. You let yourself drift to sleep, breathing him in.

OKAY I DID IT MY FIRST CHAPTER. plz reblog and like.

[realityinsuspense]

one step closer | chapter 2: disrupted

--summary: "me and him? in one apartment? yeah, right. nothing is going to happen." ~~ two strangers living together. not talking and just going about each other’s lives. that was your plan. that’s how you’ve always done things, and you’ve gone far doing so. so when you have to suddenly move into a new apartment with your new roommate, you expect almost nothing. almost.

--pairing: mingi x fem!reader

--genre: strangers to lovers, fluff, a little angst, #mingi is cold and standoffish (? kinda), #eventual mutual pining

--a/n: so i hear tag lists are a thing! if you're interested in being in it please let me know :) and happy reading!

words: 2.8k

--

chapter 2: disrupted

You stare out blankly from your office window. The sky is clear, and it’s bright and sunny—practically perfect weather. But that doesn’t stop the storm of thoughts brewing inside of your mind.

It’s been almost three weeks since you moved in. Three weeks—that’s practically a month.

Your adjustment to work and the new office has been no problem. In fact, this location might have been even better than the last. You were also relieved to know that two of your coworker friends also transferred to the same building; this made the thought of meeting new people less daunting.

What was actually more daunting was the person you were living with instead.

The past three weeks at the apartment have been peaceful. Maybe even too peaceful. Peaceful to the point where you started to feel unsettled. And with every right so—because amongst that peacefulness, was an unnerving, slightly annoying amount of inconsistent, and undone chores.

Yes. Chores. That’s what roommates agree to do; it’s a shared place, thus becomes a shared responsibility to keep the spaces clean. Yet, there were some habits Mingi does—or doesn’t do—that started to annoy you ever so slightly. Undone dishes. Excessive disposables from the takeout he orders. Doesn’t take out the hair in the drain in the shower (gross, yes I know). Among other things.

At fist, you learned to ignore it. At first, it was fine. Maybe he’s forgotten to make that list he said he was going to make, you thought. And because you were the new girl, you wanted to be respectful—so you made sure the apartment was clean. It is technically his place, you said to yourself in order to justify doing so. You threw out any trash, put away dishes, swept the floor, and cleared out any clutter you found (including the hair). It was a habit of yours. You weren’t necessarily a neat freak, but a clear space meant a clear mind—and that was important to you.

But it’s been three weeks.

Three. With no ‘thank you’s’ either!

What am I? His maid?

It was the constant pile of dirty dishes, the always-almost-full trash bins, and the now small band of fruit flies hanging around the practically black bananas—that weren’t yours by the way. It was also all the expired food in the fridge that you had almost no space for your own groceries. But still you wouldn’t dare say a word. You’re not one to judge in cases like this, since it was technically his place after all. But still, it’s unfair as housemates right? It should be split up equally. You hate to admit it, but you were frustrated; maybe moving with this complete stranger was a mistake.

“Let’s just keep to ourselves, okay?”

Mingi’s words echoed in your ears. You thought that would be easy. And it was initially. You’re up at 6am, he’s up at 10. You’re asleep by 10pm and god knows what time he goes to sleep. But it works out perfectly for you both and your “no contact policy”: no one is fighting over the bathroom, each of you gets to eat your meals in the kitchen by yourselves, and there’s been an unspoken agreement to not use the living room at all for some reason (though that gigantic TV is tempting you). This routine settled in so quickly and easily, it became natural instinct. Even after three weeks, you and Mingi shared no more than a few glances or nods. It’s almost always dead quiet, with no exchange of conversations at all—just to yourselves in your own rooms. That’s what worked. That was easy.

But the mess back home is clearly setting you up. It’s bothering you. It’s unfair. It’s not what roommates do. And you most certainly dread the thought of having to say something—to be the first to disturb that peace.

You look down at the pile of papers on your desk and sigh. Gosh. I am definitely overthinking this.

“Hey y/n,” A familiar voice ripples through your endless thoughts. “You heading to lunch yet or what?”

You turn your head to see two suited figures standing at the edge of your cubicle: the people you needed most in that moment—your beloved work friends, San and Yeosang.

“I brought an extra dish to share today.” Yeosang adds with a small smile and holds up his tupperware.

You smile in return, grab your lunch bag from under your desk, and walk with them towards the cafeteria.

—

“Can I ask you guys something?” You say, breaking the silence. The silence being from the two hungry guys scarfing down their mounds of rice, chicken, and the cucumber salad Yeosang made. You couldn’t blame them though, you were starving too. The three of you are seated at a table next to the opened cafeteria windows, the fresh air wafting in. You are sat across your two closest friends from work, Choi San and Kang Yeosang.

San was bright, outgoing, hardworking—almost always seen with his classic dimpled smile.

Yeosang was gentle, cunning, intelligent—his sweet voice made to cheer you up almost instantly.

The duo had been friends long before—attending the same college—and now working here together as software engineers. Despite being in different departments from them, you instantly clicked after being hired. Both were admirable hard workers, each with their own special qualities. And both devastatingly handsome you might add.

In this moment, you feel so incredibly lucky. So lucky that you are the one that gets to bother these two outstanding individuals on your first world, almost pitiful problems.

“Let me guess,” A grin is almost forming on San’s face. “You’re gonna ask what I’ll be doing for my birthday?”

“Yes, what’s up?” Yeosang asks, completely ignoring San’s guess. You can’t help but smile.

“While I can’t wait for your birthday,” You begin, glancing between the both of them. “Do you guys…do you guys think it’s weird for roommates to not talk to each other?”

Yeosang and San stare at you blankly for a moment. San comically cocks his head to the side and looks off to the side, as if deeply contemplating this scenario.

“Your new roommate, huh?” San questions his gaze locking onto you.

You briefly mentioned to your beloved coworkers where your new apartment complex was. And briefly mentioned you were living with someone completely new. A total stranger. They were totally baffled, just like Hongjoong. But again, you assured them that you were fine. Up until this moment.

“No talking…like at all?” San presses. You shake your head.

“Well,” Yeosang exhales. “I personally think that’s weird.”

“Yeosang! You’re too blunt!” San gently nudges Yeosang’s shoulder. Yeosang chuckles in response. “But sadly…he’s right. Why? What’s wrong?”

You then go onto explain Mingi’s self-made apartment rules. The “keeping to yourself”, the nonexistent chores list, and the mess that’s constantly growing and slowly driving you mad. If you were going to live at this apartment for the next year or so, this was something you really didn’t want to put up with. Something you shouldn’t put up with.

After explaining your situation, both of them are silent again.

“Hmm…” San has his fist to his chin, once again in deep thought. Gosh, he’s so great at expressing hisself. “Is he hot?”

“Huh?!” You ask in shock, completely caught off guard. “What does that have to do anything?!”

“That’s a good point San,” Yeosang has a sly grin on his face, his voice as equally teasing. “Is that why you’re so scared to talk to him y/n?”

“A hot roommate is certainly a lucky problem to have.” San nods eagerly in agreement.

“I don’t know!” You want to avoid looking or even thinking of your own roommate in that way. Sure, you observed that Mingi is quite good looking—especially that first day of meeting him—and to go there is a rabbit hole of thoughts you refuse to explore. But in the end he’s a mystery to you; he’s nothing more than someone you live with. “I don’t think of him or look at him in that way. We are just supposed to be roommates, okay?”

“Okay, okay, we’re only half joking,” San smiles. “But if you guys are really supposed to be roommates then, shouldn’t you feel okay to tell him how you feel? It can’t be that serious.”

“Even for that dumb rule,” Yeosang says. He takes a glance at his watch. “It’s your apartment now too.”

You take a moment to let those words sink in. Even if they do tease you from time to time, the best friend duo always manages to give you solid, practical advice. For some reason, you want to laugh. You can’t help but realize how much you were overthinking. The benefits of an outside perspective, you think.

“Talk to him, okay?” San assures. You nod firmly. At that point, your guys’ lunch was over and it was time to head back. After packing and cleaning up, you guys are walking down the big hallway from the cafeteria and towards the elevators.

“OH! I almost forgot. y/n, July 19th. Save the date,” San says proudly as he dusts off his blazer. “Since I’m working on my actual birthday—gross—I decided to host a big party for another weekend instead.”

“That’s like two months away.” Yeosang murmurs. San nudges him again jokingly, and you laugh at the two’s behavior.

“That’s why I’m letting her know now. Save. the. date.” San breaths in happily. “Practically one. It’s almost June already.”

“Got it. Won’t forget.” You reply with a smile.

—

After a long day at work, the sun is finally at the edge of the horizon. Dusk.

You sigh heavily as you key open your apartment building and sluggishly walk towards the elevator doors. Despite the long day, you feel a pit of dread forming in your stomach—an unsettling knot of anxiety. You get in the elevator and press 5—the top floor.

You got this y/n.

It’s not so much Mingi is someone you don’t want to talk to. You hate to admit it, but Yeosang and San were partially right. You were honestly intimidated by him. And no, not by his good looks. But who he was. Based on the little interaction you two shared, Mingi was still a complete mystery to you. Even if you two do live together, you guys are still just strangers to one another. Who was he? Where did he work? Who was his old roommate? Why is he alone here? These were all questions that popped into your head from time to time.

He was direct, quiet, and always looked so serious. He truly was keeping to himself. And you were slightly scared to disrupt that peace you two shared. But it’s not like you’re looking to befriend him, nor he to you. Three weeks was a long time, and you couldn’t stand it any more. This was supposed to be your home.

You suddenly thought of Yeosang.

“It’s your apartment now too.”

You unlock your apartment door, and enter the space that’s been drilling your mind for the past 48 hours. As you walk in, your eyes scan the flaws in the kitchen and dining area. Once again, there was a pile of unwashed dishes, an overflowing trash bin, and the bowl of bananas with its flies still placed in the center of the dining table. On the kitchen counter, lay an opened plastic bag and soiled takeout boxes—assumingly left there since there was no more space in the trash bin.

You sigh. You weren’t going to clean up after him again. This is your space too.

After setting your work bag down—the adrenaline getting to you—you walk towards his bedroom door. From the other side, you could’ve sworn you heard laughter. But you don’t let it surprise you any moment further. You knock firmly.

The beat of silence, waiting for him to open the door. In that second, you wish you could take it back. But there’s no going back now. Say what you need to say y/n.

“Yes?” Mingi opens the door a crack and leans against the doorway. You almost want to turn away immediately. He’s wearing sweatpants and a black tank, revealing his arms and his upper physique. He’s got his glasses on, with a (what you assume to be) gaming headset resting around his neck on his defined collarbones. His expression remains unimpressed.

You try not to waste more time gazing at all the gauzy details and peering into what his room looks like—which looked quite dark anyway, by the way.

“Uh, can we talk?” You ask him calmly.

“About?” Mingi raises an eyebrow.

“The uh…the mess. Your mess in the kitchen.” You say slightly hesitant at first.

“Excuse me?” His eyes slightly widen, taken aback. The tone of his voice feels almost like a sting.

“Yes. I’m sorry, Mingi, but it’s been so untidy,” Your voice almost falters. You hate that he’s making you feel bad for saying how you feel. Or maybe you hate that you’re letting him make you feel bad. “And for the past-”

“What happened to just keeping to ourselves?” He cuts you off, his voice low and firm. “I can clean up after myself.”

You try to compose yourself, but that was just rude.

“Well, clearly you haven’t been!” You finally exclaim in frustration, gesturing towards the kitchen. “At first, I thought we were going to split the chores. So I waited. When there was a mess, I’d clean it, because I wanted to be respectful. But it’s been three weeks, and it seems like I’m the only one doing so. And I cannot live like this. I’m not some maid!”

Mingi’s expression appeared taken aback, probably shocked at your sudden outburst. This is the first full conversation you guys are having after a while. But in that moment, it felt so good to finally get all those thoughts off your chest. To say what you felt. It overpowered the fear of what he’d say next.

“I live here now too.” You add, this time more calmly.

Mingi sighs, rubbing his face in his hands and then runs them through his dark hair. You glance away briefly.

“Fine, I’m sorry. I just… got a lot going on and…” He begins to trail off. “Anyway, it won’t happen again.” You nod.

“I think I’m just so used to my old roommate doing all the cleaning.” Mingi exhales.

“Well that was totally unfair for them too.” You say.

“I’m sure he didn’t mind,” Mingi wavers, glancing down at you. “But yeah I guess it is…”

“Okay, so…” You look back at the dirty kitchen.

“I’ll clear it all out now,” He assures, removing the headset around his neck. He tosses it behind him (to where you assume his bed is). “And I’ll make the chores list for sure this time. Split. Evenly.”

You nod in satisfaction ready to turn on your heels, and run into your room. But you briefly add, “I think we also should just make it a habit to clean up after ourselves anyway.”

“Yes, fine.” Mingi says.

As he makes his way towards the kitchen, you finally head to your own room. Progress, you think. So he can actually listen to you! Now things can work out all over again. Living at this apartment will continue on as usual, this time cleaner and fairer. You smile at the thought—back to that normal. Back to that peace.

For now.

~

next chapter >

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[queensilber]

Supernatural: Witch‘s Canyon

Posting everything in this book that i think you need to know, lets go!

Summary:

Okay, so, the boys head to the Grand Canyon to solve a case of a fourty-year murder cycle. The spirits of variouse humans and animals alike attack the locals and they need to find out why and how to stop it.

It is set somewhere in Season two.

My opinion:

This was so much fun. Like, it was really like watching an episode, just a lot longer and with the magic ability to see into Sam and Deans (and a bunch of other characters) heads.

It also gave a little bit of a fanfiction vibe, just with the addidtion that everything is cannon and that all the random little facts and quotes are a real thing (i‘ll list those in a second)

And also there were flashbacks of their childhood??? That made me cry??? I hated john winchester before, but now even more so. (More about the flashbacks below too)

So yea, it was definetly worth it and i cant wait to read the others!!

Songs:

This is the music Sam and Dean listened to during the course of the book (some locals listened to music too, but i did not list those)

- „paranoid“ by Black Sabbath

- „turn the page“ by Bob Seger

- unspecified tape by Bad Company

Flashbacks:

There are two flashbacks to Sam and Dean‘s Childhood:

- the first one is Dean Remembering a time when John made him and Sam run through an obstacle course at age twelve and eight. Dean had to shoot a gun during it, Sam just had to point and yell „Bang!“.

In the process of that Sam got injured and cried and John yelled at him to keep going and that he was doing poorly. Dean comforted his brother and encouraged him, leading to sam actually making it. Sam did it and Dean cheered, but john kept yelling at them to keep going to the next obstacle.

- the second one was from when Dean was fourteen and Sam was ten. Their Dad gave them backbags and said what was in them could last them fir four days and they all went on a hike together.

In the middle of nowhere john then saud that they should not trust anyone on what they are told and left them alone, telling them that they should find their way (at very least two days of walk) back themsleves and they shouldnt have relied on him so much and he just… left.

When they checked their backbags they found that most in it was useless and they were also filled with rocks to make it seem like it was more than it was.

Thats so fucked up, like

Those are children. And the worst part, when Dean rememvers this he thinks of it almost positively because it taught him a valuable lesson. I cant even begin to describe how my heart hurt for them.

Random facts:

Here are some facts from the book, i do t know anymor if those are mentioned in the show too, but it hardly matters, i think:

- Sam outgrew Dean at the age of 16

- Dean felt gutity over Jessicas death and thought that it was a „more solid basis“ of guilt than Sam had on the matter

- Sam can differentiate between uniforms of different wars in history just by a look

- Dean hates Rats. A lot.

Quotes:

Some quotes from the book:

John Winchester hunted monsters, ghosts, demons — the creatures most people only believed in deep down in their 3:00 am hearts, abd that they laughted off when the sun was bright and their spirits high.

It was a habit Dean had picked up from Dad — reffering to what they did as a „job“. To Sam it was nore of a Mission, even a calling.

„Sammy really likes cops,“ Dean said. „If he didnt have any talents he might have become one“

Sometimes he thought Dean wouldnt mind dying if he could go out in a blaze of glory, as the saying went. In moments of fairness, Sam knew that wasnt true. Dean didnt care about the glory; he cared about making a difference.

„I‘m coming around to the point, Sam.“ „He‘s Dean,“ Sam corrected. „I‘m Sam“. „Sorry, For some reason, you just look more like a Dean to me“

Gilmore Girls reference?

„You tried to shoot my brother“ Dean said.

Sam belived in a highter power, Dean didnt. Sam didnt have any special knowledge that Dean lacked, handt seen or heard or met God.

Lol, not yet.

Dean had been a kid, hadnt ever had a chance to become anything other than what Dad had made of him. That, finally, was the gulf between them — the canyon that could never be bridged.

Dean was an amazing guy, Sam knew, with skills and abilities most people would never imagine, and smarts Dean himself wouldnt credit, even though he relied on them all the time. And yet, at times like this, he was so humble, so unassuming, that he seemed almost unaware of the importance if his iwn contributions. At other times, of course, that humility vanished. Knowing and accepting both Deans, he guessed, was what being brothers was all about. Maybe I wouldnt want to be Dean, he thought, but i‘m sure glad I have him araound.

STOP MAKING MY CRY WTH

So anyways, that book sure was an experiance and i cant wait for the next one! I‘ll post a review of that as well and will update that post with a link to it one i‘m done!

Xoxo! <3

Next>

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hello! I am here with a humble request:

Could you do how the M6 would react if the MC was hard of hearing and had to wear hearing aids? Love all of your work btw!!

The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC is hard of hearing

~ I'm honored, I will do my best, and please don't hesitate to call me out if I make a mistake. I've had a few hard of hearing friends and I did a little research, so here you go & I hope it's good! - brainrot ~

Julian

This man speaks loud and this man speaks fast

After the first few requests to slow down he becomes much more mindful of his speed, but as soon as he gets excited about something he's back to running his mouth as fast as he can

Very good at talking to you in noisier situations because it's an excuse to lean into your space and speak next to your ear

Unfortunately, if it's a conversation about something he's passionate about, he'll forget everything and talk over people constantly

Already knew a little bit of sign language for his hard of hearing patients, dedicates himself full-time to learning it after meeting you and is a fast learner

Being a musician, he has nimble fingers and no difficulty signing quickly

The only issue is when, again, he gets excited about the thing he's telling you about, and his signing gets super fast and sloppy to the point of being flat out frantic

Super relieved when he learned that you have hearing aids. It means he can still make you swoon with his vielle

Don't get shiny hearing aids. Malak won't be able to resist the temptation and he will steal them for his nest

Asra

They already have a bad habit of mumbling things under their breath or into your clothes, and they're naturally soft-spoken in general

You are going to have to ask him to repeat himself constantly. He'll thank you for the reminder each time and often feels bad for being so quiet

On the plus side, they started learning sign language from the moment they met you, and has been fluent for years now

He does take advantage of this to sign at you over a customer's shoulder and try to make you laugh at inappropriate times

Super tuned into your comfort levels

Crowded area? They're holding your hand and sticking to the edges

Noisy space is getting overwhelming because your hearing aids keep picking up all the background noise? He has the case and will hold them for you if you need to take them out for a bit

You'll never have to worry about them talking over anybody else, they're slow to speak as it is and rarely interrupt

Faust is so smug about being able to speak straight into your mind

She has been known to talk to you while your hearing aids are out so you can't notice Asra calling you, just to mess with him

Nadia

So easy to understand when she speaks

It's the years and years of public speaking. She always speaks at a measured pace, perfectly enunciating her words, with a noticeable but appropriate volume

Very mindful of including you in her conversations and is quick to ask others to slow down and speak one at a time

Quick to pick up basic sign language

As soon as she feels like it's okay, she'll ask you so many questions about your hearing aids and how you use them

She's very fond of tinkering with things, if you have an old pair she'd love to take them apart and look at how they work

Will also ask if they're the sort of thing that you'd like to have more than one pair of

If the answer is yes, she's getting you different types to play around with and might even try modifying them herself (with your permission)

Will find ways to style them. Don't ask how. But she managed to put together a whole ensemble around them once

Always double checks if you have them in or not so she knows how best to communicate with you

Still worries about you sometimes, and will send Chandra to check on you if she knows you're going somewhere loud or crowded

Muriel

He speaks slowly. He never interrupts. He's infinitely patient. And ... he hates being loud

Being around you and communicating effectively requires him to listen to his own voice instead of mumbling, and it's uncomfortable, but deep down he knows it's a good habit to get into

On the other hand, he adores sign language

Communicating with his hands? Without noise? Sign him up, this is the best thing he's ever learned about and he's fluent in it sooner than either of you expected

Often prefers using sign language to communicate his thoughts and opinions when saying them out loud makes him anxious

Very careful around your hearing aids and handles them so delicately. He's terrified of crushing them somehow

Didn't really appreciate what your hearing aids do for you at first (all that loud noise being muffled sounds like a blessing to him) until you mention that they let you hear birdsong and water

Now he's infinitely grateful that you have them and will specifically request that you wear them to the spots in the woods where the sounds of nature are the most beautiful

Inanna likes to pant next to your ear when your hearing aids are in, just to annoy you

Portia

She speaks even more loudly than her brother, unless she's in a situation where she has to use her palace diplomacy skills

And like her brother, she also speaks quickly

Generally pretty good about slowing down a bit when she speaks to you without sounding patronizing or impatient

She spends her life in the middle of loud crowds and excited people talking all at once, so when she wants to talk to you she'll just pull you into a slightly quieter corner

If anyone gets remotely frustrated or impatient with you when you have a hard time understanding them she will beat them up, no matter who they are

Had a very difficult time learning sign language at first

She has a hard time tracking which part of her sentence she's in or keeping her vocabulary straight when it's so quiet

Mindblown when she sees you speaking and signing at the same time. Once she switches over to doing that she learns a lot faster

So on top of things with your hearing aids. Always has spare batteries and will remind you to take them out every night

Pepi is so annoyed that meowing in your ear doesn't work to wake you up for breakfast as well as it does on Portia

Lucio

He's so used to being the center of attention and addressing large groups of people that he's surprisingly easy to understand

This guy loves loud, busy places and fast-paced conversation. Is it even interesting if there aren't multiple people speaking at once?

He's happy to repeat himself as many times as he needs to, but it takes a while for him to notice the way his preferred spaces make it more difficult for you to follow along

Will tell other people to speak clearly two minutes into the conversation before it's even necessary

Did not have the patience to learn sign language at first. Does he think it's cool? Yeah! Does he want to speak to you easily? Yeah! It just takes more effort than he has the attention span for

Until you teach him how to swear

He loves to swear

Lights up like a firework the first time he uses bad language in sign in public and can't get corrected by anyone but you

Now he uses it all the time. He likes to think of it as a secret code for just the two of you, and it's especially useful on jobs

Taking the hearing aids out is a blessing in disguise when Mercedes and Melchior have their nightly howling sessions

[thesophistiicate]

I really enjoy reading your posts and especially the amazing advice you give people in your asks.

I am engaged with a wonderful man, who takes great care of me, romantically and financially. I have no complaints about our relationship, Ive been treated like a queen every step of the way. The problem is Ive let myself go in all areas during the time weve been together. Ive gained a crazy amount of weight, stopped taking care of myself, Ive lost a lot of my huge vocabulary that I used to be so proud of, my sharp wit. In general it seems Ive lost my manners, my class and myself. I come from a family where manners, wits and talents where my parents main focus, so I used to be very polished and very well read. I got hit with severe depression during covid, and it seems that let to my lack of disciplin and self respect.

I truly wanna change. He deserves a woman who is genuinely levelling up with him, who takes care of herself. Like the one I was when he met me.I deserve to be proud of myself, and I deserve to treat myself with respect and care.

I just feel so ambivalent when it comes to changing myself so much around him. Maybe because Im already insecure about the whole thing, find it embarrassing if he notice me struggling with my self-esteem. Ive always been the type who would learn new skills or change my looks in secret, so that no one would interrupt me, make fun of me or get me away from my progress.

How would you advice me to handle the conversation if he asks me why Im changing so much? How do I work around my embarrassment of being caught in the process of learning? Any advice on how to keep my journey a secret/less obvious?

We live together, so he would for sure notice me changing habits, try new looks etc. He would probably be supportive, but also defaulting to telling me that he loves me, and that I am perfect as I am rn etc.

i actually relate to a lot of this! your relationship sounds a lot like mine, and like many people i feel i really lost myself in Covid but also during my pregnancy (it was difficult) and then navigating discovering myself again after 5 years of feeling a bit lost… 🤍

i suppose what springs to mind for me reading your story is that this is a wonderful opportunity to discover what it’s like to be seen and supported and loved through effort and change. i’m really private too and i had to learn to become comfortable with my partner “knowing” what i’m doing.

i think it can stem from perfectionism as well, this pressure women in particular feel, to always be the polished end result but to hide away the process, even feel ashamed of it, embarrassed by it. (and extra embarrassed because to start again would be to admit we failed in the past.) we have to try so hard yet aren’t supposed to let anyone else see… it’s supposed to seem effortless. and we don’t want anyone to know in case our result is imperfect, or we are seen struggling, or whatever. it is a part of why women’s work is minimised and mocked and judged overall. so i think it’s important to push past that, to let it be seen and to take pride in it. you are undertaking a powerful, important, life changing journey and there is so much power in allowing that to be seen by somebody who you love and trust.

I’ll tell you about my partner, not to brag but to give a sense of what it may be like to push past your fear… he of course always says he loves me as i am, no matter what and no matter what might change. he loved me when we met and i was heavier and very unfit and chronically stressed out from work. i was his dream girl even then. but i was actually kind of… surprised? yet not? that in the past few years of me turning things around, he’s actually been really encouraging and interested. instead of a “why bother, i like you as you are” attitude (which would actually be insulting, as though i live for his approval lol), he talks about how inspiring (and sexy!) he finds my effort, how much he admires my self discipline, how great my results are, that i carry myself noticeably differently and seem so much happier. he buys me flowers when i hit milestones. celebrates with me when i achieve a new goal. none of it feels invasive or over the top, just gently supportive.

i did sort of start on my own without really discussing it, but he noticed. and that led to the opportunity for me to talk more openly about how i’d been feeling, about how this is a fresh start. i wonder too if you are worried to be noticed because you’re worried about whether you can stick to it? and it might bring up feelings of shame to be seen trying and “failing”? in which case lots of compassion, flexibility, and gentle self care will help. no need for strict new routines and overhauling every habit. just start small with little changes, let it build with time. it took me almost a year of false starts before i managed to stick to my exercise routine!

overall by being open and allowing him to support me, i’ve found it so easy to stick to my goals and our relationship also feels stronger than ever, too. he already loves me so the idea that everything he loves about me is only getting better is exciting to him i think. i think you are at the beginning of a wonderful new chapter and it will take some courage, but everything worth doing does 🤍

[dangerpronebuddie]

Maggie id love to hear directors commentary on ANY BTHB fic! They’re all so good!! Also giving you a star in case you wanna talk about another fic as well ⭐️

(not me answering a day late 😅)

Bazza you're giving me too much freedom here lol.

For BTHB, I'm gonna go with... Severed Artery.

It is frustrating to write. I've never done a whump quite like it. Researching what's done for severed arteries beyond the actual repair is infuriating. I guess I don't ask google the right questions 😅. It never understands me.

Beyond the actual injury though, this fic has become more about fatherhood than whump. I'm not mad about it though! And since it takes place before 7x10, and most of 7x09, I don't have to acknowledge all of... That™. I do get to showcase Eddie being a good dad, Buck being a good dad, Bobby being a good dad... Still up in the air about Ramon though. I like him, I like that he and Eddie were trying to mend fences, but I am livid he didn't at least suggest Chris staying to work things out. (Mind you, it's pretty in character- the Diazes run). Anyway.

And a certain breakup I have planned is superb if I do say so myself 😁.

I'd give you a director's cut of another fic, but I think instead, I'll give you a little snippet (psst, @tizniz look! I wrote more pain! 😁)

“Are you going to the hospital?” Helena asks next. Buck shakes his head. “I need to talk to Christopher.” “That is not your job,” she snips. He can't be mad at her protest. Grief, to the Diazes, always emerged as anger. Buck didn't understand it, in the early days, like during a fight in a grocery store or the cold shoulder when he came back to work. But a broken door, and a broken man, let Buck truly see Eddie, and the pain beneath the facade. “It is,” Buck says calmly. Ramon tugs on his wife's hand. “Let's go see our son. Buck's got Christopher.” Helena turns away and Buck mouths a thank you to Ramon before joining Chris and Maddie. He seems okay, but, like his father (and Buck, he's come to realize), he has a habit of hiding his emotions. But he can see in the slight furrow of his brow and the hunch of his shoulders that he's terrified. Buck knows the feeling. He sits in one of the folding chairs so he can be eye level with Chris. Chris looks at Buck with wide, shining eyes. Buck envelopes him in a hug, squeezing his eyes shut against his own tears. "What happened? No one will tell me," Chris sniffles. Buck takes a breath and leans away enough to look at him. “Your dad got hurt, bud. Stabbed. We're not sure why yet. But he's with the doctors now. He's in good hands.” “Is he gonna be okay?” Chris asks, sounding so young and scared. He understands the gravity of the situation a lot more now. Buck wishes he didn't. He wishes he had bubble wrap to keep the kid safe forever. “I wish I knew,” he says honestly. He doesn't know anything beyond the fact Eddie still had a pulse when they wheeled him into the ambulance. That can change in a matter of seconds. A tear escapes and runs down Chris' face. Buck cups his cheek and gives a weak smile. “Remember: no matter what happens, we are going to be okay.”

[wordsmith30]

I am once again fixating on Avatrice’s first scene in season two.

Beatrice tells Ava off for chatting with customers because they were talking about Adriel and what happened at the Vatican. They’re supposed to be keeping a low profile.

If anything, being incognito only makes things all the more stressful for Beatrice. Eternally in Mission Mode, she’s hyperaware of everything going on around her, from the conversation in the bar to Hans coming up the stairs and looking at her and Ava. There’s so much pressure on her.

At least when they were with the OCS, she had the others to rely on, but in Switzerland, she’s responsible for anything that goes wrong, including anything that might happen to Ava. While Ava jokingly calls her “Mother”, it is like being a single parent. She just wants to keep her safe.

And hearing about Adriel’s ever-increasing presence is just a painful reminder of how unsafe they are. How important this mission is.

Beatrice also tends to fidget a lot more this season with anything that’s in her hand (in this case, the pencil). She gestures with it after Hans leaves, asking Ava what that look meant.

“You and Hans shared a glance.”

(Cue back to Lilith’s line in 1×04: “Careful around this one, Camila. She’ll pry into all your business.”)

We can insinuate it as jealousy as she’s become super protective of Ava (or perhaps just the fear that something is going on that she’s not aware of), but in Ava’s mind, Hans is jealous of them. Ava laughs.

“What do you expect? Hans has been here for three years. We’ve been here a month and you already got promoted to manager.”

Beatrice fidgets some more and even straightens her back as she says, “Well ... it’s not my fault that I’m exceptionally well-organized.”

Did I mention how much I love proud Beatrice? It may come across as a bit defensive, but outside of her being a badass in the field, it’s so rare to see her stand tall in her abilities – to take pride in them, in spite of all her self-hatred. She’s good at what she does and she should say it.

And then Ava knocks back with: “Ah, as a matter of fact, it is. Discreet, remember?”

Touché.

Beatrice bows her head and nods. You can see the breath she releases. But before she even has the time to feel awkward or embarrassed, Ava says in that gentle voice, “You don’t have to be so perfect all the time.”

Once again, Ava demonstrates exactly why they work together. While Beatrice often works to keep Ava safe physically, Ava knows just how to keep Bea safe emotionally. Despite all the teasing, she knows how Beatrice worries and steps in to calm her racing mind.

She does it as easily as breathing, head angled to look into Beatrice’s face, eyes soft and posture relaxed. And Beatrice softens with her.

That line hits on some key insights, too: the idea that it’s possible to be too good at something, and that that might actually hinder them while undercover. But more than that, it’s a reminder that they’re not at the convent anymore. Beatrice can drop the tactical habit. She can be unsure, she can make mistakes, she doesn’t have to know what she’s doing all the time. She’s already doing enough.

“You don’t have to be so perfect all the time.”

Ava thinks she’s perfect. Her. Beatrice. Just as she is.

It seems too much for Beatrice to handle. She looks up at Ava and then looks down again. At a loss for how to respond, she changes the subject: “Well, I’m heading back to the apartment.”

It’s Ava’s turn to deflate a little as she nods, but her eyes hang on Beatrice’s face as Bea tells her that she’s going to check in with Camila.

“You don’t stay out too late,” Beatrice says, back in Mission Mode. “We train tomorrow.”

“Yes, Mother.” Ava laughs again, and even Beatrice drops her head in amusement or exasperation, still fiddling with her pencil.

She looks up just in time for Ava to give her a quick peck on the cheek, the Warrior Nun swinging her shoulders like a golden retriever puppy. “I’m just messing with you. See you at home!”

Beatrice can only watch her bounce away and has to take another breath to steady herself. Ava, meanwhile, knew exactly what she was doing and can only hope that the message sticks.