#so i always complain about our shit weather but also there's so much corruption it's disgusting and lgbt hatecrimes? non recognized

[ireallylikehickorysticksyay]

it always makes me somewhat irrationally angry when i hear british people bitchabout rain... like, no fucking shit sherlock, it's a god damn past tense rainforrest's rotting corps youre living in. you think your ancestors cutting down the trees and getting rid of every fucking "unsavoury" wild animal would cut down on the rain as well? No. now you just have insufferable heat in the summer too, and substantially less filtration for the rain you're still (ungratefull for) living with dont get me started on the fucking pizza oven maze you got going on for your biggest city like.... ? were your designer daddies trying to kill you? there's trees who are considered interesting and gated honourably because they arent small baby sappling christmas sized. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SUROUNDED BY TREES THE WIDTH OF FIVE MORBIDLY OBESE ADULT HUMANS YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO HAVE AT LEAST FOUR AND A HALF PEOPLE BE ABLE TO T POSE AS THE WIDTH OF SOME OF THESE TREES the "bIg TrEe" you're celebrating is a fucking CHILD compared to the TITAN GODS OF LUSH EVERGREEN your supposed to be guarded by the elements with. THESE TREES ARE SUPPOSED TO WIELD ENTIRE ECOSYSTEMS AND OTHER PLANTS ON THEIR BRANCHES WITH EASE they stole this from you, yet you complain about the weather? why are you not infuriated by what people in power before you have smothered out?

NO FUCKING SHIT YOU'RE ALL MISERABLE BASTARDS (no offense of course ^-^) YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING PISSED OFF

but also no. shut the fuck up.

im especially angry because i know my home is probably going to end up the same way, of course i dont hate the actual loggers, they're just trying to survive in a capitalist hellscape, i get that they have families to feed and dont get a real say in what is going to get cut down whether they quit/get fired or stick around for the paycheck to avoid homelessness. but the pencil pushers who think it's a good idea to shave down what we still have? the remorseless pieces of shit who hire those pencil pushers? i will not miss them if or when they go missing.

grrr

it always makes me somewhat irrationally angry when british people bitchabout the weather. because they should be angry about what they dont seem to understand what was taken from them, i wish they'd get angry, because if they cant then im scared what that means for us, and our next generation. i feel like there's nothing i can do as corrupt forestry propaganda hollers how forsestry builds jobs as they tear everything down before moving to the next fifty acres because there's no more feasible work left for them in the area.bC wAs BuIlT oN fOrEsTrY ... okay? so what? bc was built (partially) on forestry (also fishing and fur trade and water distribution and the art inspired by the lack of habitat loss compared to places lik the uk on top of so so much more than JUST forestry you self centered propogandizing tumors) in the same way canada was built on genocide. in the same way elon muck was built on child-slave labour. in the same way most pimps are built on human trafficking. it doesnt make it right it doesnt make it sustainable. people before us needed to log to make room for homes the eurocentric way. we have more than enough human habitat, lets leave the rest so we can actually thrive in it rather than just kill everything including ourselves?

BC ALONE IS 25 PERCENT OF ALL TEMPERATE RAINFOREST LEFT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND. the ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD. WE HAVE A QUARTER OF IT AND YOU'RE RAKING IT AWAY.

we are a first world country if we cant protect our forests then what the fuck does that mean for other rainforests temperate or not in third world?

(emotional support martens because dopamine, they're the most adorable mischievous little shits you'll ever meet <3)

i live specifically on vancouver island, so NOT cutting down trees so we can be better protected against landslides and the elements is even more important, any issue wed have would be magnified

[ambiguousdisorderken]

yet another life crisis for tumblr dot com. so i'm studying this career right? well, now i wanna transfer universities because there's this other uni that offers title completion abroad, (half in my country, half in another one of my choosing) and trust me i want out, i want more. i'm positive it'll be more expensive than the one i'm currently in, but in the long run it might save me some money and actually help me achieve certain specific goals which otherwise would be next to impossible. right? RIGHT? this will fuck my unemployed pockets so bad.

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone- Chapter 11

Title: Old Wounds

Warnings: none. But there’s always profanity, just an FYI

Tagging: @alievans007​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @tragiclyhip​

“Well I’ve got good news and bad news,” Tyler announces, as he descends the stairs later in the evening, pausing at the front entrance to switch off the foyer light and lock the door and set the alarm before joining his wife in the living room. “Which do you want first?”

Esme glances up from the mountains of clean laundry that takes up residence at her feet and on the already cluttered coffee table. Laundry baskets of differing colours are scattered around the room. A larger one that consists of their clothing and smaller containers labelled with each of the kids’ names; the latter eventually being placed in intervals on the stairs in hopes they’ll be carried up to the corresponding rooms. For the most part, the kids are good at getting their assigned chores done. The littles enjoying a ‘sticker chart’ that signifies a treat or toy of their choosing when full, and the older ones satisfied with decent sized allowances. Despite an extremely healthy bank account and money constantly flowing in, they’re still expected to ‘tow the line’; being taught responsibility and learning skills that will help them become self reliant and well functioning adults.

She wrinkles her nose and scowls. “Depends. On a scale of one to ten, how bad IS the bad news?”

“Considering it’s our kids we’re talking about?” He drops heavily onto the couch, wincing at the stiffness in his right knee when he stretches his leg out and places his foot on the edge of the coffee table. The cold weather is aggravating it; causing the arthritis to flare up and bringing with it an incessant ache that seems to have burrowed into the bone. Two reconstructive surgeries and a host of complications later, it’s as good as that leg is going to get. Already told to be prepared for a third surgery before he hits sixty. If he makes it that far. “I don’t know. I guess a four? Five at the most?”

“So that means no broken bones, knocked out teeth, and no one is unconscious or bleeding. In other words, it’s a relatively tame night for our house. Still…” she tosses a pair of mismatched socks into Tanner’s basket. He’s particular; socks always scrunched into a ball, never matching, and his other clothes separated by colour yet not folded, preferring to do it himself once he takes the basket upstairs. “...tell me the good news first. It’s been a weird day.”

“The good news is that all the little ones are already asleep. Tanner’s on his way out but he’s sleeping in the tub in the boys’ bathroom again because TJ and Declan are being too loud. Not even the headphones and locking himself in his happy place were doing the trick. I tried.”

“Well, at least he finds ways to cope and make himself happy, I guess. The bad news?”

“Millie and Alannah are showing no signs of slowing down. So if you’re wanting to actually get some shut eye, you might want to camp out down here. It’s going to be a long ass night.”

“Maybe I’ll borrow Tanner’s headphones,” she says, then grins at him over her shoulder. “That should help fend off your snoring too.”

“It can’t be THAT bad. You’ve been sharing a bed with me for twelve and a half years. I notice you don’t ever head for the couch. You put up with it.”

“Do you know many times in the past twelve and a half years I’ve been tempted to smother you with a pillow? Many. Many. MANY times.”

“Yet I’m still here.”

“Mostly because I wouldn’t do well in jail. I’d never survive in there. And prison jumpsuit orange is NOT my colour.”

“And here I was thinking maybe I’ve survived because you just love me THAT much.”

“It plays a small part in it. But just a small one. Just so you know.”

“You’d miss me. If I wasn’t around.”

“Like a migraine,” she teases, and yelps when he lands a playful yet solid backhand on one of the cheeks of her ass. “That’s not nice. That’s not friends.”

“Is that what we are? Friends? That’s as far as we’ve come in twelve and a half years?”

“Friends with the best benefits,” she chides, and snags an unfolded towel from the pile of laundry on the floor and smacks him upside the head with it. “I wouldn’t complain if I were you. You wouldn’t suddenly want to find yourself facing an extremely long dry spell.”

“I’d be alright. I have three wank files on my phone now.”

“Three? What do you need three for? And how do you even have that many pictures of me in the first place? Are you sneaking them while I’m asleep? Because that’s just...creepy...if you are.”

“Bold of you to assume that it’s just pictures of you.”

She drops her chin to her chest and stares at him pointedly.

“I’m kidding. I only need pictures of you. No one else. Well, there’s a couple of videos too, but…”

“I swear to God, if anyone ever goes into your phone and finds those? I will kill you. In the most brutal and painful way possible. Why do you need videos anyway?”

“Homemade porn. Best you can get.”

“You can’t watch regular porn like regular people?”

“I mean, I COULD. But I don’t want to. I want to watch you. Unleashing your inner porn star. Getting all freaky and kinky and shit. You should watch them with me. Be kind of hot, don’t think? Watch them and make a new one?”

“You’ve got issues. Serious issues.”

“I can’t help it. I can’t help that my wife is a total MILF. That she looks all tiny and cute and innocent but is a freak in bed. You shouldn’t have been so eager and willing if you didn’t want me scooping you up at that quick.”

She smirks. “I thought you said I was a B plus?”

“You were. Until I got a hold of you. Now? Solid A plus, plus, PLUS.”

“So you’re finally admitting that you DID corrupt me. After twelve and a half years denying it.”

“I merely helped you build on your skills. Improve them. I was more than willing to let you experiment on me.”

“Mmmhmm. You know, I was a good girl until you got a hold of me.”

“Like fuck you were. Good girls do NOT bang a guy...for five days straight...that they barely know. Unprotected.”

“I admit, that was not one of my finer judgement calls. But I trusted you. You didn’t seem like the type that didn’t take precautions. I mean, looking like you do and having women in different ports all over the world? That was a given. But you didn’t strike me as the type that wanted kids all over the world. Or STD’s. I trusted you. For some reason.”

“You just wanted the dick. Admit it. You were willing to sacrifice all your morals and standards for it.”

“I will admit to no such things. You were just as into it as I was. You didn’t exactly turn sex down. You didn’t seem too concerned about the whole protection thing. How did you know I wasn’t some hoe crawling with Lord knows what? How’d you know you weren’t going to get the burn?”

“I trusted you. Against my better judgement.”

Smirking, she cocks her head to the side and regards him with a mixture of disdain and amusement.

“You were all cute and tiny and innocent looking. Boy did I learn. Quick.”

“Something tells me you wouldn’t have kept me around if I was TOO cute and innocent. I knew just enough to make you want it, yet still gave you a pretty clean slate to work with. You must be so proud of yourself. Corrupting me like you have. Moulding me into some freak in bed.”

“Babe, you had a freak inside of you, just took good dick to bring it out. You are some of my best work though. You didn’t turn out too bad.”

She gives a derisive snort.

“Aren’t you glad you went along with Nik’s fucked up idea? Was it not the best decision of your life?”

“I don’t know about the best,” she teases, and drops a load of clean wash in his lap. “But you’re on my top five list.”

“Well for what it’s worth, it’s definitely the best decision I ever made. And you have to admit, the whole lack of protection thing? It didn’t turn out too bad.”

“I don’t know about that. She’s turning into quite the hell beast. You know those hellhounds on Supernatural? Millie could be their ruler. In fact, they’d be scared of HER. Although I have figured it out. Why she’s been extra bitchy lately.”

“Please tell me it’s not boys. Bad enough we had one phone here. I don’t want to find out there’s more.”

“It’s not boys. Although…” she drops down onto the couch beside him. “...that will come soon enough. Puberty. It’s puberty.”

“Excuse me?”

“It hasn’t happened yet. The big event. She hasn’t gotten her period.”

“We are NOT having this conversation.”

“As uncomfortable as it makes you, we have to have it. Because it’s going to happen. Soon.”

“She’s eleven.”

“She’ll be twelve in March. I was just shy of twelve when I got mine.”

He turns his attention to the pile of laundry in his lap. “I do NOT want to hear this.”

“I’m just trying to prepare you. The mood swings? The skin breakouts? The fact she’s starting to develop and has already asked me to take her shopping for bras…”

“Don’t. Please don’t. I’m not listening to you. I refuse to listen to you.”

“...means that things are going to happen. Soon. And we need to be prepared. Especially you.”

“Why me? Why do I need to be more prepared than you?”

“Because I’ve had my period for almost thirty years. I’m obviously experienced in these things.”

“And I’ve lived with you for twelve of those thirty years. Who is the one that bears the brunt of the shit storm when you get all mean and moody and shit? Who’s the one that’s been bringing your bitchy ass chocolate and ice cream? Who’s the one that will massage your back and bring you a heating pad when the cramps are bad? Never mind that, who’s had to go to the store and buy you woman stuff?”

“You’ve been very good about it. But in all fairness, if you really think about it? I haven’t had my period that much since we’ve been together. You may have done all those very sweet and amazing things, but you’ve also gotten me pregnant with seven kids. In twelve years.”

“That is a very good point, actually.”

“All I’m saying is that things are going to happen. Soon. And I just want you to be prepared for it. I know it bothers you to think about it. Your baby girl growing up. But she is. Growing up. And she’s doing it very quickly. You need to step up your game and be ready for anything.”

“I really hate you right now.”

“Do you, Tyler? Do you REALLY?”

Leaning into her, he presses a kiss to her temple. “No. Not in the slightest.”

“I just want you to be prepared. In case it happens when I’m not home. So you know what to do.”

“You’re not leaving the house from here on out. Until she DOES get it.”

“You’ll be fine. I’ll make sure everything is in the house that you’ll need in case it does happen. I remember when Riley was going through puberty. My mom was totally useless. It was a disaster when I started mine. She would have been more than willing to just let me bleed all over the place. I had to stuff toilet paper in my underwear and steal money out of her purse so I could go to the store and get necessities.”

He grins. “My wife the felon.”

“So I made sure Riley would never have to go through that kind of humiliation. I made up this basket for her. Pads, tampons, a heating pad, chocolate bars, some pain killers. Everything she’d need. I’ll do that for Millie too. And I’ll put it somewhere where you can find it. So you’re ready if it happens and I’m not home.”

“Do we really have to keep talking about this?”

“Stick your head in the sand all you want, husband. It’s going to happen. Whether you like it or not. I know she’s your little girl. Your miracle baby. But she’s growing up. And it’s happening very fast and there’s nothing we can do to stop it, I’m not exactly happy about it either. This is all happening way too quick for my liking. Where the hell has the last twelve years gone? We’re going to have a teenager. Very soon.”

“Not to make things worse, but we’re going to have three in the house in just over two years.”

“You’re not helping. Seriously though. Where has that time gone? Some days it feels like we just met, don’t you think?”

“Now that I think about it, there are days you drive me as fucking nuts as you did that that first day in Dhaka.”

“Fuck you! I was cute and charming.”

“You were a pain in my ass.”

“But I was a CUTE pain in your ass. You can’t deny that.”

“You were something alright.”

“Look, just because you were having the feels for me and didn’t know how to handle it, that’s not my fault. And for the record, I would have been able to handle myself. In the market. If things went south.”

“Sure you would have. You would have been just fine. All five foot nothing and a hundred pounds of you.”

“Good things come in small packages. You didn’t need to watch me that closely.”

“Yes. I did. I very much did. You know what would have happened if Asif’s thugs got a hold of you? The end result would not have been pretty.”

“I think you use that as an excuse. I think you just wanted me that close because you WERE having feels for me.”

“I am neither going to admit OR deny that.”

“You don’t have to. I’ve caught on to you. You can keep lying to yourself about your motives back then, but I know what you were up to. And it’s very sweet. That you wanted to keep me safe and sound because you had feels for me.”

“Do you want me to be totally honest?”

“Always.”

“I really just wanted to keep you close so I could look at your ass. And because I was hoping to get laid. I needed you to be safe and in one piece for that to happen.”

She stares at him pointedly.

“I’m just saying. You want honesty? There’s your honesty. You were cute and had a wicked body and I was horny as fuck and wanted you to fix that. And boy, did you ever fix it.”

“And I'm still fixing it. Twelve and a half years later. You lucky bastard.”

“I am lucky.” A slow smile spreads across his face. “Very lucky.”

“It’s weird.” She turns her attention back to folding the laundry at her feet. “Sometimes it DOES seem like it was just yesterday. Where DID the time go? How did we end up old enough to have a pre-teen? I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel old enough for that.”

“The way my body is? I feel old enough to have a kid in college, never mind becoming a teenager. Which leads me to the other bad news.”

“Oh God…” Esme groans. “...there’s more?”

“These?” He reaches into the pocket of his sweats and pulls out a pair of reading glasses. “Don’t do shit anymore. I can see up close, but I can’t see fuck all far away. You know what that means?”

“Your eyesight is shit. Which I’ve been telling you for the last three years. Is it just your right eye?”

“That one’s worse.” It’s a mixture of things. The knife that Nathan had dug into his face -the sharp blade cutting deep and causing problems with the surrounding nerves- and the multitude of concussions suffered over the years. The last one five years ago had been the tipping point; causing permanent and extensive damage to the optic nerve. “ But they’re both shit.”

“When we get home you’ll have to call and schedule an eye appointment. And while you’re at it, you should call and get that hearing test done.”

“I don’t need one done. I know my hearing is fucked.”

“Fucked or not, you need one. So you know what you’re dealing with. You might need a hearing aid.”

“That’s a huge ‘fuck no’ from me.”

“I know it makes you feel old; glasses and hearing aids and arthritis and all the aches and pains. But you ARE getting close to fifty. And you’ve had a hard life. There’s been a lot of damage done. Isn’t it better to get on top of those things? So they don’t get worse? I just want you to have a good life. I want you to be around for a long while. And if that means you have to wear glasses on a permanent basis and get a hearing aid…”

“I’m sorry. Are you talking? I couldn’t hear you. It’s my old age.”

“It’s not old age. You’re just an asshole. Always have been, always will be. But you’re my asshole and I want to keep you around. And I know YOU want to stick around. Especially for your kids. So do it for them? Get your eyes and your hearing tested. Please? Because we love you, you insufferable, stubborn pain in my ass. And us loving you? That’s not going to change because you need help hearing and seeing.”

“I’ll be ugly as fuck. If I have to wear glasses all the time.”

“It’s impossible for you to be ugly. In fact…” she plucks the glasses from his hand and slips them onto his face. “...I think you’re quite sexy in them.”

“You know, you’re not half bad looking when I can actually see.”

She laughs and shoves him back against the couch. “You’re a total dick.”

“Fuck you, you love me.”

“I do. Despite my better judgement and the warnings from friends and family.”

Smirking, he lays a hand on the back of her head and pulls her into him; speaking with the tips of their noses pressed together and lips mere inches apart. “Why are you so mean to me? You’re always so mean.”

“I know. You have it so rough. I am the worst wife EVER. I’m horrible. Just horrible. How you put up with me defies all logic.”

“It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it. It’s my cross to bear.”

“You poor bastard,” she laughs, a palm coming to rest on the side of his face when he kisses her. Long and slow and sweet, followed by a series of small pecks and then concluded with the press of his lips against her forehead; her eyes fluttering closed and a soft smile playing at the corners of her mouth. It’s always been one of her favorite things; those feathery kisses placed on her brow and the weight of his hand on the back of her neck and the warmth of his body so close to hers. It’s sweet and it’s pure; intimacy at its most basic and innocent of levels. And her smile widens when a calloused fingertip softly traces the slope of her nose and his lips press against the tip. “You and your freckles.”

“Well technically, they’re YOUR freckles.”

“You’re staring at them aren’t you.”

“Not staring. Admiring.”

“Admiring what? They’re ugly.”

“They’re adorable. And you’re beautiful.” He presses a kiss to each corner of her mouth, hand smoothing wayward strands of hair away from the sides of her face and neck.

Her eyes flutter open. “Why do you look at me like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like THAT. How you’re looking at me right now. Just so...I don’t know...I don’t know how to describe it. But you always do it. Your face changes. So does the colour of your eyes. It’s like you’re looking at me for the very first time all over again. Even though you’ve seen me nearly every day for the last twelve and a half years. Yet you still do it. Look at me like that. Like I’m the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen.”

“Maybe you are. Maybe to me you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Maybe all I see is you. Maybe because everything that is amazing and perfect in my life is because of you. All this? A place like this? My kids? Us? None of that would exist if it wasn’t for you. If you hadn’t stuck around on that bridge…”

“But I did. I DID stick around. And if it happened a thousand times, I would make the exact same decision. No hesitations. I did the right thing. No one can ever tell me different.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m glad you put your ass on the line for a guy that was a complete and utter fucking mess.”

“Well I guess I just saw the potential,” she chides, and then kisses him; fingernails lightly scraping along the bottom of his hairline “You know what I really want right now?”

“I’m hoping you’re going to say sex, but I have a sneaky feeling that’s not it.”

“Leftover Chinese food. And my last chocolate croissant.”

“And then sex?”

Laying a hand on the side of his head, she pulls him closer; placing a series of feathery kisses along his jaw and then grinning against his ear. “Maybe.”

*****

An hour later they sit in the sunroom; the remnants of a late night meal on the coffee table, the area illuminated by strings of multi-colored Christmas lights lining each pane of glass and the soft glow given off by the space heater. It’s the kind of quiet and relaxation that is extremely rare to find especially during the holiday season; one that comes only when everything on your ‘to do list’ has been checked off. It’s a relief to have it all done; every last minute gift snagged, almost all the wrapping relegated to a very accommodating and willing Desi, fridges and freezers stocked and the house fully decorated both inside and out.

It had been a learning process; getting comfortable with celebrating the season while still harbouring painful childhood trauma and the memories of six Christmases with his first child. But Esme had made it easier; never pushing him to ‘get into the spirit’ and knowing what lines shouldn’t be crossing and learning to step back when the trauma of the past would begin to fester. Seeing her enjoyment of the holiday had helped; the excitement she shows over something as simple as a walk or a drive to look at other peoples’ lights, the joy she gets in buying things for the kids and keeping the magic alive and seeing their faces light up on Christmas morning. And he’d come around a little bit at a time; a distaste for the holiday becoming more bearable as the years went on and eventually being replaced with actual enjoyment and appreciation. And now that the hard work is done, it’s time to relish in accomplishment; a quiet house and the ambiance and the press of her head against his chest and the feel of her hair as it slowly slips through his fingers. He’d gladly stay there all the night; away from the giggles and chatter that drift down from their daughter’s room, lulled to sleep by the familiar weight of his wife’s body against his and the warmth that radiates from her. Nothing sexual about it; just quiet, soft intimacy in its purest form.

His eyes flicker open when he feels her move away; head lifting from the back of the couch and as her hair slips from between his fingers. “You okay?”

She gives a sheepish, almost nervous smile. “We need to talk.”

“So no, you’re not.”

“There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m okay.”

“Babe, nothing good ever comes after ‘we need to talk’.”

“Everything’s fine. The kids are good, I’m good, we’re good. Just something has been eating at me all day and I wasn’t even going to bring it up but I just know it’s going to keep me up all night if I don’t get it out.”

“How bad is this thing that’s been eating at you? Because the way you said ‘we need to talk’...”

“It’s not bad. On a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst, it’s maybe a three. A four. At the most.”

“Okay. What is it? What’s going on?”

“Before I tell you…” she turns her body to face him. “.... there’s some other things I need to say. First, I want you to promise you won’t get upset.”

“It’s obviously worse than a four if you think it’s going to upset me. It takes a lot; for you to piss me off.”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘pissing you off’. Just I can totally see why you might take it the wrong way and get defensive. And there’s no reason for you to be. Defensive.”

“It’s not about the job is it? Because we already talked about that and I already said I would stay home. Or at least if I did have to go somewhere, I’d stay completely behind the scenes. So if it’s about that…”

“It’s not about the job. That’s water under the bridge. We dealt with it. And may I add, we dealt with that very well. EXTREMELY well. You didn’t get worked up and we didn’t fight and that’s a big thing for us. A huge thing. And that’s a REALLY nice change; it shows we’re a lot stronger now.”

“So if it’s not about the job…”

“I need you to promise. That you won’t get upset. That you won’t get defensive even though it might seem like you need to be.”

“I promise. I’ll keep my shit together.”

“Second, I need you to know that I love you. More than I ever thought I could love someone. And you ARE the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Hands down. You’re an amazing husband and an even more amazing father and I couldn’t have asked for a better dad for my kids. And I appreciate you so much. Everything you do for us. For our family. How you care for us and provide for us and…”

“As nice as it is to hear all this, you’re rambling. And while I normally find that cute, it’s actually really unnerving right now. So maybe just spit it out? What’s going on? Why are you so edge? What’s got you all worked up?”

“Okay. I’m just going to ask and hope for the best. Just remember, there’s no reason to get defensive and I’m NOT accusing you of anything. It might seem like I am, but I’m not. I promise.”

“Are you going to get it out sometime today or…?”

“How friendly were you? To that neighbour the other day?”

“What neighbour?”

“The new one. The single mom. At the park. Natalie. The tall blond who looks like Sephora threw up on her face? Remember her?”

“What about her?”

“How friendly WERE you with her?”

He can’t help but laugh. “What?”

“You said you talked to her. What did you talk about?”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“There’s a reason I’m asking. I’m not just asking to ask. I knew you met her and I know you talked to her and…”

“And what? What ARE you trying to ask? Because you said I shouldn’t get defensive and it seems like maybe I should. ARE you accusing me of something?”

“No. I’m not. I am not accusing of anything. I know you, Tyler. I know your heart. I know you love me and that you’d never, EVER cheat on me. So I am not accusing you of that. I never would.”

“So then what the fuck? What do you mean how friendly was I? When have you known me to be friendly with ANYONE? Especially people I don’t know. Are you suggesting I did something? Because that is totally it, Esme. I fucked her...in the dead of winter...in public...with my son twenty feet away. Is that what you WANT to hear?”

“No! God no. And that’s not what I’m suggesting at all. I just want to know. What you talked to her about. That’s it.”

“Why? What the hell does it matter? You’re always on my ass about how I should be more social and make an effort to meet people. Now all of a sudden you’re changing your mind? ‘Cause you’re worried about some neighbour? What the hell…?”

“Hear me out, please,” she begs, and takes both of his hands in hers. “This isn’t about me being neurotic and my self esteem issues and my weirdness about other women.”

“Seriously? Because that’s EXACTLY what this is about. This happens every fucking time we go somewhere. You get all worked up because you think women are paying attention to me. Because you think all these housewives and mothers are so thirsty they’d actually give a fuck about me. You think way too highly of me.”

“Okay, first off, no I don’t. You happen to be incredibly attractive. The blue eyes? The smile? The body? The whole vibe you’ve got going on? The resting bitch face? The tattoos and the scars and the whole intimidation factor? It’s very sexy. Whether you realize it or not. And I know you can’t help it. You’re just naturally beautiful. I’m not blaming you for that. But I do have a reason. For being the way I am. For having the issues I do.”

“Yeah, your brain is fucked up. Just as much as mine is.”

“You may not see it...all the women that check you out and thirst over you...but I do. All the time. But we’re not talking about the soccer park or the school yard. We’re talking about the park. And Natalie. The pretty single mom.”

“She’s not pretty. I don’t think she’s pretty.”

“Are you blind? You must be. Your eyes must be worse than my thought.”

“She’s not pretty. Not to me. She’s not my type.”

“You don’t have a type. In fact, your type used to be anything that walked with a wiggle.”

“I’ve had a type for the last twelve and a half years. If you want to call it having a ‘type’. You. You’re the only one that matters to me. You’re the only woman that I give a shit about. You might as well be the only one that exists on the entire fucking planet. All I want is you. That’s it. So what the fuck…?”

“She showed up here today. Asking for you.”

“Who did?”

Esme sighs in exasperation. “Natalie. The neighbour.”

“She came here?”

“And asked for you. She came calling on another woman’s husband. You don’t find that at least a little bit strange? That she would do that? That she would show up on our doorstep looking for you? You don’t find that even a little weird?”

“I find it a lot weird. I don’t know why she’d come here. I wasn’t THAT nice. It was small talk. Nothing more than that. I was my usual pleasant self.”

“Well, you certainly made an impression on her. Enough that she felt comfortable coming here. And talking to your daughter AND your wife. Let me just say, her social etiquette needs some work. She’s not as charming and witty as she thinks she is. Her people skills are a tad rusty.”

“What did she want?”

“To talk to you. To give you her cookie.”

He chuckles. “Is that a code language for…?”

“No. She literally brought you cookies. That she made for you.”

“What kind of cookies?”

Esme’s eyes narrow.

“I’m kidding. That was a joke. Probably not the best time to make one, mind you.”

“Oatmeal raisin if you need to know ALL the details.”

“Worst cookie EVER. You don’t know betrayal until you bite into one thinking it’s chocolate chip and you find out it’s THAT.”

“I’m pretty sure she was also offering up HER cookie. On a silver platter.”

“And if she was? Who the fuck cares? I don’t want anything from her. I talked to her at the park. Welcomed her to the neighbourhood. That was it. Everything else is on her. If she read too much into it, that’s her problem. Not mine. I made small talk and that was it. And you know how much I hate small talk.”

“I know YOU didn’t do anything. I know you. I know who you are and what you’re like. I wasn’t suggesting that you made a move on her or led her on or anything like that. You know that, right? That I’m not accusing you of anything?”

“I know you’re not. But it does seem like you are.”

“I know. And I don’t mean for it to sound that way. It just upset me. Her showing up here. Asking for you. That is so many shades of wrong. Why would someone do that?”

“Why would a man follow someone’s wife home from the post office? Someone’s noticeably pregnant wife.”

“That’s NOT the same thing.”

“You’re right. It’s not. It’s worse. You were pregnant with my kid. You told him you were married. And he still followed you home.”

“And you took care of it. You scared the shit out of him. Knocked him on his ass. All’s well that ends well.”

“Doesn’t mean I liked it. The fact some fucking asshole followed my wife home. You say I don’t notice things? How come you never notice all the men that pay attention to you? I notice it. Why don’t you?”

“It doesn’t happen that often.”

“It happens all the fucking time. And some of them are actually brave enough to be right out there with it. That takes a lot of balls; being that bold in front of someone’s husband. You think I like THAT? When men check you out?”

“You never say anything. You never act like it’s bothering you. If it does, why don’t you just say something?”

“Because I trust you. Because I’m secure. When it comes to knowing how you feel about me. I don’t see these guys as competition. A pain in the ass. But not competition.”

“That’s because they’re not. I don’t give a shit about any of them. I don’t want anyone else. I want you. I am perfectly happy with you. I love the way things are. With you. None of them matter to me.”

“Then why does it bother you what other women do? Why does it bother you so much? You don’t trust me?”

“What? No. I do. I DO trust you. You are not the problem. They are.”

“That doesn’t make ANY sense. How can they be a problem when I won’t let them be? I don’t give a fuck about any of them. How can they cause issues if I won’t let them? What do you think they’re going to do, Me? You can’t steal someone away unless they WANT to be. And you know what? As much as you drive me fucking insane, I am perfectly happy where I am. With who I have.”

“You don’t know what it’s like. Being around that. Those women. You don’t…”

“I DO know what it’s like. Guys check you out all the time. Do you see me going all neurotic about it?”

“Well, being neurotic IS my thing,” she sheepishly admits.

“This needs to stop. You being like this. It has been twelve and a half years of this, Me. And it’s tiring. I love you. And I have to tell you until my very last breath that I love you and I don’t want anyone else, I’ll do it. But it doesn’t mean it it doesn’t grate on my fucking nerves.”

“You knew I was like this. You knew my issues. Going into things. If they pissed you off THAT bad…”

“They don’t piss me off. Is it annoying, yes? Can I live with it? Also a yes. I will put up with it. Until my dying day. Because I love you. But I would give anything to put an end to it.”

“I can’t help it. Being like this. I’m not you, Tyler. You’re secure and you’re confident and you’re able to just ignore other men.”

“Because I trust you.”

“And I trust YOU. You are NOT the problem. And I know it doesn’t make any sense to you. Me worrying about other women when I know for a fact you’d never cheat on me. But I do. Worry about them.”

“Why? Tell me why you worry about them? What do you think they’re going to do, Esme? Tell me. What do you think is going to happen?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“That is NOT an acceptable answer for anyone over six. Try again.”

“I honestly don’t know. I don’t know what I’m thinking. But you don’t hear what they say. The women at the soccer park on the school yard. I do. I hear it. I hear them talking about how ugly and plain and boring looking I am and how they can’t understand why someone like you would be with someone like me,” she struggles to hold back a threatening flood of tears. “They don’t hide it, Tyler. They don’t talk about these things in secret. They make sure I hear it. And you know what? It hurts. A lot. And if I tell you something hurts me, you don’t have the right to tell me it doesn’t.”

“I’m not doing that, babe. I’m not saying it shouldn’t hurt you. And I’m sorry. That it does. That you hear stuff like that.”

“Why are you sorry? It’s not your fault. You can’t help what they say.”

“Do you want me to say something? To them? The next time I pick the kids up? Because I will. I’m not shy when it comes to telling people off. You know that. And when it comes to protecting you…”

“It would just make things worse. I can just hear them now. Talking about what a cry baby I am and how you deserve a real woman. Don’t say anything. It’ll just set them off. Things are bad enough as they are.”

“Why don’t you tell them to fuck off? You usually don’t back away from shit like that.”

“Because that’s our kids’ school and we’ve been on the principal’s shit list before and I don’t want to make things hard on our kids. But it does bother me. Hearing that stuff. And it DOES hurt.”

“But it shouldn’t. That’s what I’m saying. Just let go in one ear and out the other. Who gives a fuck what they think? What does it matter? I love you. I have always loved you. I always WILL love you. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world to me. Isn’t that enough? What I think? Why isn’t that enough?”

“I don’t know. I want it to be. And I know it should be. I know you love me. I’ve never doubted that. Not even during those six months. Even then, I knew you did. You just needed to get your shit together. I don’t know why it bothers me so much. I don’t why I’m like this. Why I can’t get past it. I think I’m getting better and then something happens and it’s back to square one.”

“Your mom fucked you up. So did Mark. You went through a lot of shit. Especially with him. But I’m not Mark, Esme.”

“I know. I know you’re not.”

“Do you? Because sometimes I’m not sure you do.”

The tears come freely now; body trembling with the force of the emotions that accompany them. And he places a hand on the back of her neck and pulls her into him; a forearm across the small of her back as her body presses tightly against his and her arms immediately circle his neck.

“I’m sorry,” she sobs against his shoulder. “I never meant to make you feel that way. Like I was comparing you to him.”

“I know.” One hand repeatedly strokes his hair, the other settling at the small of her back. “I know you didn’t.”

“Because you’re NOT him. You’re nothing like him. And I’ve never thought you are. I’m sorry, Tyler. For making you that feel that way. I never meant it.”

“I know you didn’t. It’s okay, Me. He fucked you up. Badly. I’m just the guy that came after. The one that has to try and clean up his mess. And if it takes the rest of my life to do that? Then I’ll deal with it. I can’t make it better. I can’t take it all away; make it like it never happened. I wish I could.”

“I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to be crazy and neurotic and a freaking mess.”

“Well if it’s any consolation, you’re a beautiful mess.”

She manages a small laugh. “I don’t know what to do. To make this better. To make ME better. And it’s not fair to you. To have to deal with this shit.”

“I’ve brought more shit to the table than you have. And you’ve always dealt with it. I figure it’s the least I can do. Put up with your crap.”

“I don’t want to be like this. I can’t live like this for the rest of my life. I just can’t. But I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to fix me. And it shouldn’t be up to you to do it.”

“You’re my wife. You’re the mother of my kids. I love you. It’s what we do. Help each other. Fix one another. You’re not in this by yourself.” He presses a kiss to her temple and tightens his hold on her. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out. We’ll get you past all this.”

“What if we can’t? What if it CAN’T be fixed?”

“Then we live it. I spent the rest of my life constantly reassuring you that I’m not going anywhere. That I love you and think you’re the most beautiful in the world. If that’s what it takes, I’ll do it. I’ll take one for the team.”

“You’re so generous,” she chides. “Always so willing to sacrifice yourself.”

“Well, we do crazy shit for love. When we get home, you should go and talk to Doctor Klein. Tell him what’s going on. How you’ve been feeling. If anyone can figure shit out, it’s him.”

“You’ll come with me, right? I think you should. Come with me.”

“You know I will. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

She pulls away to look at him, sitting back at her heels. “Nothing?”

“Nothing,” he declares, and lays his hands on the sides of her face and uses his thumbs to wipe away the lingering tears.

“I know all snotty nose and puffy eyed isn’t my best look, but maybe we could have sex now?”

He grins. “Maybe. Would it make you feel better?”

She nods. “Being worshipped ALWAYS makes me feel better.”

“What can I say? I’m always willing to cheer you up. Besides, your body’s a temple, babe. It deserves to be worshipped.”

“It’s a temple, alright. Ancient and crumbling. Probably haunted.”

“It’s beautiful,” his hands move to the front of the plaid shirt she wears; enormous and baggy on her tiny frame. “And sexy.”

“Even after seven kids?”

His fingers tend to opening the buttons on the shirt. “ESPECIALLY after seven kids.”

“You always have the right thing to say. Your sweet talking is improving.”

“I thought you preferred dirty talk?”

“I do. Dirty talk is my favourite. Especially YOUR dirty talk. That voice? That accent? I’m wet just thinking about it.”

“Yeah?” With a playful smirk, he forcibly shoves her onto her back; a palm on either side of her head as outstretched arms brace his much heavier and bulkier frame. “In that case, shut up and let me fuck you.”

[nightglider124]

DickKory Week: Day 4

I actually wrote this up at work yesterday. It was so quiet so I was like hells yeah, ima write some dickkory.

This one is... bittersweet. It's not really angst but it's not that fluffy either. It's also kinda abstract on 'what could have been'. Idk.

Oh and it's like quite a bit longer than my other posts. Idk why.

What Could Have Been

Snow billowed around the limited amount of people that dared to roam the streets this evening. The air was frosty; that level of cold where you could feel it rippling through your fingertips and near enough reaching the bone.

December always tended to bring a little bit of snow but never this much. It seemed a blizzard had gripped the city of Bludhaven this year. 

The sidewalks were icy and the snow blanketed buildings, trees, cars; anything the soft white flakes could reach.

Snow was usually beautiful and held a tinge of magic to the season what with Christmas fast approaching and all. The sky was an inky black and the stars were glowing brighter than usual. It was picturesque.

If you weren’t out in it.

A young couple struggled against the elements, amongst others that were bracing themselves each time a bitter gust of wind made them quiver. 

Without realising it, sleet as well as snow had begun to fall; a very unpleasant mix. 

Her long scarlet hair whipped around her face as she defended herself from the weather that seemingly held a grudge against all who braved it. 

The man wandering the streets with her, threw an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.

“Oh! This weather is ridiculous!” Kory shouted, above the roar of the snow storm,

“Yeah, no kidding! Which way was the hotel again?” Her boyfriend asked, matching her volume so she could hear him,

Kory barked out a laugh, “I do not know, Roy. I am not making the mistake of getting the map out once again.”

The auburn haired man had to grin before playfully poking her in the ribs, “Alright, Princess. So, what should we do?”

She squinted her emerald eyes as she tried to navigate, “Perhaps we should continue this way,” She suggested, pointing a gloved finger straight ahead of them,

“I think I hate fashion week, you know.” Roy mumbled,

Kory rolled her eyes and smirked, “I did not count on this snow storm, thank you very much.”

The pair continued to trudge through the thick heaps of snow, grasping at each other’s hands to keep one another close.

Kory Anders, as people knew her nowadays, was especially selected for fashion week.

She was soaring in her modelling career; not something she had envisioned for herself when she first arrived on Earth but it was fun and she was extremely good at it. 

Modelling suited her; it took her all over the world and never had she experienced and learnt about Earth more than she had doing what she did now. Her life was a different one than it had been years ago but she comfortable; content. 

It just so happened that fashion week took place in Bludhaven this year.

And that in itself sent a jolt through Kory. She initially said no, that she didn’t want to participate this year but she knew, deep down, she would be angry at herself for being so silly.

This was his city and she hadn’t seen said man in a long time. Kory was nervous, walking around Bludhaven, never knowing if she might catch a glimpse of him.

She supposed it would be nice to see him again but at the same time, there was still a loss there; a dull mourning. Their relationship wasn’t perfect but she never thought it would break down to the point of not talking at all.

4 years had passed since they broke up and still, there had been no communication from either of them.

Kory shook her head, trying to block the thoughts and the memories and the what if’s.

Roy was loving and attentive. He knew her through and through and they worked together. She loved him.

But a tiny part of her knew, he could not be replaced.

And sometimes, she sadly realised that Roy knew it too. 

“Kory?!” Roy yelled, above the wind,

“Huh?”

“Wandered off there, Princess,”

“Apologies. Oh, perhaps we should just-” She knocked into someone and stumbled back a few paces, “Oh!”

The man who had been on the receiving end caught himself  and stepped up to her, shaking snow from his hair,

“Shit, I’m so sorry! The snow is… Kory?” 

Said woman froze. She literally seized up; her back stiffened and her fingers curled into fists almost afraid to look up at who she already knew was staring back at her.

“Dick…” She breathed, the wind suddenly stilling itself,

A mix of emotions washed over his face but most notably, the one that made her heart pound, was the look of happiness. His smile was slow in growing but it met his eyes and she found herself matching him.

His blue eyes swivelled to Roy and the smile became somewhat tight; a little strained.

She dropped her eyes and shuffled closer to her boyfriend, remembering herself.

“Hey, man! Long time no see!” Roy greeted, apparently oblivious to any awkwardness,

Dick gave him a half hug and a pat on the back, “Hey, Roy. I know! Been a while!” 

He turned to Kory and held out his arms for her. She moved without realising she was doing so, tiptoed forward and found herself caught up in his warmth. There was something more meaningful in his actions than with Roy, like he was truly happy to see her after such a long time. She didn’t know how to feel about that one.

Kory was light headed as his scent filled her nose; that musky yet sharp fragrance that was him. She smiled briefly into his shoulder; she could also smell the gel in his hair. The same one he’d used for years. Some things never changed.

She was reluctant to release him but she did, knowing holding onto one another for much longer would cause some uncomfortable questioning from Roy.

“So, what are you guys doing here in Bludhaven? Is it for the sunshine?” He joked, thrusting his hands back in his pockets, the bag on his wrist ruffling a little.

Kory gave him a soft smile and Roy laughed, “No, no… little miss model here is doing fashion week.”

Dick’s eyes landed on her again and his smile was warm, “I’ve been seeing your billboards and magazine spreads everywhere. You’re really making your mark there, Kor.”

She blushed and pushed some hair behind her ear, “It would appear so.”

“You’re amazing. Really.” He complimented,

Kory bobbed her head in thanks as Roy wound an arm around her waist, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by Dick.

“Right now though, we’re trying to find our hotel in this blizzard.” Roy complained as a gust of wind kicked up some snow in their direction.

“Where abouts is it?”

Kory tapped her chin in thought, “Bleaker street? The Jade Vale?”

Dick cringed, “Um…”

Roy deadpanned, “We’re nowhere near it, are we?”

“It’s on the other side of the city.”

Roy groaned and Kory sighed. They glanced at each other, “What shall we do?”

“I don’t know… There aren’t any taxi’s around either.”

“Perhaps we should simply start walking.”

“You shouldn’t be overdoing it, ya know.”

She glared at him and Dick raised an eyebrow but didn’t push. He did, however, raise his hand,

“Guys, why don’t you come up to my apartment for a little while? I just picked up Chinese,” He told them, swaying the plastic bag back and forth,

“Oh, no… we could not possibly-”

“C’mon, there’s more than enough. It’s really no big deal, Kor.”

She bit her lip whilst Roy nudged her, “You should eat.”

The cuisine did smell delicious from the brief waft that just lingered. And the idea of hot food in this arctic weather sounded heavenly.

“Well, Kory?” Dick prompted, smiling,

She tilted her head and smiled back, “Okay… thank you.”

He nodded and led them down the street they had just come from. Roy kept his arm around Kory and she couldn’t be sure if it was for his benefit or hers.

When they had made their way up the stairs of the apartment block, Dick swung his keys around his index finger before opening up the front door.

Dick sheepishly turned to them, “Uh… mind the boxes.”

The couple blinked as a few stacks of boxes sat in the hallway.

“You are moving?” Kory wondered,

“Not exactly.” Dick replied, before shouting to an unseen individual, “I’m back! And we have guests!”

“Thank god. I’m starving!” A woman’s voice called back,

Kory felt a little uneasy. She knew that voice and wasn’t sure how she would feel about her being in their apartment.

Barbra wandered out from the kitchen and the surprise was clear on her face, “Roy! Kory! Hey!” She greeted,

“Hey Babs!” Roy returned, leaning forward to politely kiss her cheek.

Kory swallowed the sudden lump in her throat, “Greetings, Barbra,” She smiled and accepted the half hug,

“Great to see you guys… Er… sorry for the mess.” She murmured, rubbing the back of her neck,

“Babs is still in the process of moving in with me. Apparently, it takes forever for her to unpack her crap.” Dick cheeked and she whacked him with a kitchen towel.

“I’ve been busy, you jerk.”

Roy laughed but Kory suddenly felt uncomfortable and out of place. It didn’t bother her that they had moved in together; in fact, she was happy that Dick was happy.

But, there was a small part of her that felt… amiss. She hadn’t known about anything in the past few years that had gone on in his life. It upset her to know that her once closest friend was practically a stranger now.

“I was the same when Kory and I moved in together, wasn’t I?” Roy recalled,

Kory blinked, momentarily confused, “Oh, yes. It was awful. I kept falling over his belongings for weeks!”

They all laughed then and Babs took the Chinese food from her boyfriend and started dishing it out onto plates for everyone.

Whilst they ate, they caught up on each other’s lives; learned what jobs they’d been doing; learned about the progress Nightwing was having with his corrupt city. It was pleasant.

And yet, Kory couldn’t shake the dull ache in her chest.

She was always going to love Dick; and she hoped there was still a part of him that was always going to love her as well. It was hard to be social like this with other partners but then she realised not being as close friends anymore may in fact be a better option.

“So, what’s new with you guys then?” Babs asked around a mouthful of chow mein,

Roy glanced at Kory with a sly smile and she rolled her eyes, knowing he was dying to tell them their news.

“Well, Kory and I are engaged.”

Kory tried not to pay much attention to the way Dick’s smile faded.

“Engaged… Wow, that’s… Congratulations.” Dick forced out and Kory felt sadness return, disliking how much that seemed to wound him,

“Oh! Can I see the ring?” Babs asked, putting her hands together in a pleading gesture,

Kory smiled and nodded, removing her gloves and letting her see the diamond ring.

“Holy shit… that looks expensive.” Babs commented whilst Dick stayed quiet,

Roy laughed and then looked at his fiancé with a look of adoration, “It was worth it.”

Kory blushed at his words and put her hands in her lap, feeling guilty about their news,

Dick cleared his throat, “So, got a date in mind?”

“Date’s set.” Roy answered,

“Oh?”

“March 10th”

Both Dick and Barbra’s eyes widened at that.

“That’s soon, isn’t it?”

Roy shrugged, “We decided there was no point in waiting. Sides…” He paused and Kory felt her stomach drop, knowing what he was about to tell them, “Kory here won’t be able to squeeze into her dress if we wait any longer, will you?”

Babs was the one to spell it out, “You’re..?”

“Pregnant.” Dick stated, the smile vanishing from his face and being replaced with a look of loss,

Kory scowled at Roy, “I thought we agreed on not telling anyone just yet?”

He shrugged and kissed her temple, “I’m sure Dick and Barbra aren’t gonna go tell everyone.”

Babs laughed, “Of course not! Oh, but congratulations, you two. Do you know what you’re having yet?”

“Nope, we’re keeping it a surprise.”

“That’ll make baby shopping fun for you.”

Roy laughed but Kory tuned out the rest of the conversation. Her eyes kept flicking to Dick who was remaining silent. She felt guilty; so very guilty. She almost felt like she was betraying him by marrying and having a baby with Roy.

Even though they had ended things on good terms, it still stung. Dick sat there, unsure of how to respond. He didn’t want to give a fake reaction.

Dick felt dejected. He knew he shouldn’t; he knew he should be bubbling with excitement for his friends but… there was the tiny part of his brain that reminded him Kory was and would always be more than a friend to him.

He loved her. It was an unspoken but very well known fact. He loved the Tamaranian Princess and there would always be a place in his heart for her.

“Please… I need some air.” Kory murmured to Roy,

Dick blinked and noticed Kory looked pale,

“We have a balcony, Kor. Right at the end of the hall there.”

She nodded, “Thank you,”

“Do you want me to come with?” Dick asked, even though Roy was just about to say the same thing,

Kory waved her hand dismissively, “I shall be fine.”

She made her way to the balcony, being mindful of the ice and working hard not to slip.

Hugging herself, she looked out over the city feeling melancholy. She really wished he hadn’t found out like that. It just felt, to her anyway, like a dagger being twisted.

She knew that wasn’t Roy’s intent. He hadn’t been trying to be malicious; he was simply excited and she had been too until she watched Dick’s expression fall through both pieces of information.

Kory sighed and heard the door open behind her.

“Hey…”

She turned her head to see Dick, giving her the tiniest smile,

“Greetings.”

“You feeling okay?”

“Mhm… Just a bit lightheaded.”

He nodded, “So… excited?”

“For what?”

Dick tilted his head, “For becoming a wife and a… mother.”

He was trying to be playful, she could tell but something about the way he struggled on both words; she didn’t bite.

“Dick, I…”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Truly?”

He shrugged.

They dipped into silence although not as awkward as one would think. Kory couldn’t stop her mind racing; so many questions but none of them seemed right.

“Sorry for kinda… losing contact over the years.”

She smiled, “I apologise also.”

The silence returned until Kory was the one to break it,

“If it aids you… I feel a… sadness as well.”

Dick was about to protest, lie and tell her he wasn’t but she knew him better than that.

“I… We’ve always been on, off, on and off again… I guess I just thought… One day, we’d be on again.”

She nodded; couldn’t have explained it better herself. She wasn’t upset that they weren’t together anymore, she was upset that they had so many what if’s.

“You’ve been engaged before.”

Kory felt a prickle on the back of her neck, “I have… I plan to go through with it, this time.”

“You were going to go through with it the first time, weren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“And we… Probably would have had kids, too.”

She turned to face him, tears welling in her eyes. Kory stroked his cheek before stepping away,

“I suppose… we shall never know.” Kory gave him a sad smile, one that was full of regret and wistfulness; wondering and wishing they could have found out what a future between them would have held.

“Kory?” Roy called from the hall,

“Coming.” She responded,

Kory nodded to Dick and brushed her hand against his as she walked past him.

No words were spoken but the two of them desperately wished that door of what could have been hadn’t just firmly closed.