#so how the fuck can it exist in the 21st century

[actuallyadcfan]

Okay okay so I was reading the new superman issue and like braal was there and I literally had to stop and freak out bc how is that even possible

[amorremanet]

jiang cheng couldn’t have handled losing his golden core yes unlike wei wuxian who infamously handled it so freaking well 

[fohatic]

(manip by me, original poster by art chantry)

welp there's a (short!) fic now 😏

for the "kink: condoms are fun!" square of my @cap-ironman stony bingo round 2 card, 1.5k, rated E:

Like so many 21st-century notions that most modern folks took for granted, getting Steve Rogers onboard with the idea of condoms for gay sex was yet another concept that required some getting used to. As ever, Tony was more than willing to help him adjust to it -- was particularly eager, in fact, to demonstrate it for him. 

So he took Steve’s hesitant objections in stride. Though he conceded that STDs weren't actually an issue between them, Tony still felt obligated to get Steve up-to-date on one of the primary functions of using protection. He didn’t blame the poor guy for assuming that “VD” was only something that men contracted from women, given how the sex-ed propaganda of Steve’s time pointedly ignored the existence of homosexuals at every turn (yes, Tony had become quite the WWII-era culture buff ever since he and Steve got together). “Rubbers,” ergo, were only used to prevent pregnancy and war effort-undermining cooties from ‘loose women,’ as far as Steve was concerned.

He hadn’t yet learned about the AIDS epidemic. He hadn’t learned anything at all, really, about homosexuality, aside from what little he’d gleaned from his limited exposure to different cultures and social norms during his stint as a soldier. Just getting him to come out of his internalized-homophobic shell even a little bit after Tony had finally figured out that the tension between them stemmed from a sex thing rather than the other kind of dick-versus-asshole thing was a huge challenge all on its own; one which Tony had only persevered through because he was already way too far-gone on the guy by then to consider giving up. 

But now— after way too much dithering and denial and a gradually-dawning acceptance of the earth-shattering truth of the matter— they were finally fucking each other. Enthusiastically, and often. Tony’s patience had won out big time, and his rewards just kept on coming. And coming. And coming.

Turns out, Steve has a refractory period that’s basically non-existent. One of the many benefits of being serum-enhanced. Truly, Tony has no complaints on that score, considering his own notoriously rabid sex drive. Match made in heaven, in all honesty. It would seem that Steve is intent on making up for lost time, and Tony is only too happy to oblige him at every opportunity—

—which is where the condom thing comes in. Tony doesn’t mind that they’re fucking like rabbits now. It’s great! Amazing! Best thing that’s ever happened to him, really! But honestly— it can get kinda messy, given how Steve seems determined to fuck on every conceivable surface he can think of -- and often during moments that might not be entirely convenient, such as in the immediate aftermath of a mission; be that during touchdown at SHIELD headquarters when he and Tony are still suited up, or even on the freshly-vacated Quinjet on a number of occasions... -- occasions which their teammates definitely weren’t as oblivious to as Steve had been quick to assume in his lust-clouded fever (Tony had seen Nat’s knowing look after Steve had asserted his captain’s voice to tell him, “Stark: hang back a moment. There’s something I need to discuss with you in private.”) He was so disastrously conspicuous sometimes, but Tony wasn't bothered by it. He just found it ridiculously charming. 

So Tony’s started carrying condoms around with him at all times now, knowing that Steve’s delightfully unhinged libido could strike at any moment. It's his privilege to always be ready for him. 

The first time Tony fished one of these out of his pocket and pressed it against Steve’s big, warm chest during a heated make-out session in the locker room, Steve frowned down at the little packet with the most adorably confused expression Tony had ever seen on a full-grown human. 

“...A rubber?”

“Uh huh,” Tony had breathed out, eagerly rolling his hips against the massive thigh still shoved between his legs. 

“What for?”

It was actually really funny, just how nonplussed his face looked in that moment. Tony bit back his reaction to laugh, though, knowing how sensitive Steve could be when he thought Tony was laughing at him. 

“For sex,” Tony grinned, deliberately pressing his hard-on against the larger man and feeling a little giddy with how much he wanted exactly that, pronto. “What else?”

“We’re both fellas, though,” Steve needlessly pointed out, getting that deep furrow between his brows as a particularly splotchy flush spread over his face -- Tony knew by now that these together were more of an indication of embarrassment than arousal. Uh oh. 

It was sometimes a bit of a tightrope walk, maintaining a modern homosexual relationship with a man as complicated as Steve Rogers. Tony was still learning how to navigate his changeable moods and specific triggers, but it was a task he was surprised to find himself more than willing to put up with. It was actually kind of thrilling, the way he was always keeping Tony on his toes.

So that first, clumsy attempt in the locker room hadn’t convinced Steve that condoms were a convenient means of mitigating the messier aspects of assfucking, which in retrospect was Tony’s bad: Steve wasn’t wrong when he'd pointed out that the showers were right there.

Then later that week, when Tony tried again by attempting to argue that condoms were actually “fun,” Steve had gotten a bit petulant when he'd mistakenly jumped to the very erroneous conclusion that Tony didn’t actually like getting pumped full of an unholy amount of hot supersoldier jizz on the regular. On the contrary, it was something he often enjoyed with a zeal that bordered on some kind of perversion… Only, there was a time and place for indulging in what basically amounted to a serious cum-inflation kink, which—in his modest opinion—was best enjoyed in the comfort of an actual bedroom. 

Later, ensconced in the privacy of said bedroom, he explained this to Steve. In so much detail. He made sure to be very clear about what he liked and when/where he liked it, ensuring that there would be no doubt as to how sincerely he meant it by encouraging Steve to properly fill him up right there on his oversized bed. Then—just because Steve seemed to really appreciate these sorts of practical demonstrations—Tony made it very clear what occurred afterwards, illustrating this by strutting naked around the bedroom and letting Steve’s jizz drip down between his legs while he continued to elaborate on the pros and cons of letting Steve put him in such a state while out in public. He definitely had Steve’s rapt attention, this time.

Still, he didn’t fully sell his argument until the following weekend, when they’d been out together at that gala all night in their well-tailored formalwear, making eyes at each other in between all the endless schmoozing and sipping from champagne flutes and munching on canapes. 

Steve found a little secluded balcony that wasn’t in use, because of course he did. Say what you will about him being a late bloomer; there was no denying that the guy had quite the aptitude for arranging semi-covert assignations at a moment’s notice. 

He wasn’t wearing his utility belt, though, which meant that he didn’t have his handy dandy lube tube that he’d taken to carrying around these days. So when Tony caught him trying to spit on his fingers after getting a hand down Tony's pants and squeezing Tony’s ass in a signal he’d come to recognize as Steve’s signature “I wanna fuck you right now” move, he intercepted him just in time to demonstrate the magic of 21st-century lubricated condoms.

Getting to bend Tony over the railing like that and have at him at the drop of his $3000 pants with no prep required—then coming profusely into Tony’s grateful ass without spilling a single drop of superspunk on either of their very nice garments—was something of an eye-opening experience for Steve Rogers. 

He could admit, afterwards— as they righted their clothing and kissed like they’d been waiting all night to get their mouths on each other in order to finally breathe properly— that Tony might’ve actually had a point about the “rubbers.” 

“They’re fun, aren’t they?” Tony smirked as he smoothed his hands down the fine weave of Steve’s black dinner jacket, continually enamored with the way that all that broadness narrowed down to such a grabbable little waist. “...Anytime, anywhere.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, looking at Tony with a fondness that couldn’t possibly have just been about the whole condom thing. Sometimes when Steve looked at him like that, it felt like his insides were melting; like Steve could reduce him to literal goo with just a look. Quite the superpower, that one. 

Steve’s eyes did that funny thing where they grew impossibly warmer as he reached to fix Tony’s hair with gentle fingers, telling him, “I think I’m coming around to the idea.”

♡

[kandisheek]

If you're part of the Put On The Suit 18+ Stony Discord Server, you may already know that we've been running a server-exclusive bingo for the past one and a half months. And today is the day when we can officially say:

✨ WE HAVE BLACKED OUT THE CARD!! ✨ Great job, team!

This was the first fandom event I've ever run, and I couldn't be happier with how many people participated and created beautiful fics and art for it. And to share the love, here is a masterpost of all the incredible works that people have made.

What's a Reverse Trope, you may ask? You simply take a common fanfic trope and flip it on its head. "There's Only One Bed" turns into "There's Too Many Beds" and so on.

A special thank you to @avengersnewb for her help with organizing everything, and let's get into the fan works!

S1: Good Doppelganger 🔃 Evil Doppelganger

Now this is a whole different birthday. by Lancelot_The_Dragon_Lord It's Tony's birthday coming up, and Steve doesn't know what to give him.

S2: Fast Burn 🔃 Slow Burn

Welcome to the 21st Century by EvilDime Phil Coulson wonders if he should have held back the information about queer rights a bit longer. Captain Rogers does not seem to be taking it well. How to make friends with new teammates by Girl_Back_There Tony didn’t mean for it to happen, but he can’t resist a hot guy in a Captain America suit. Especially when said guy is eye-fucking the Iron Man suit.

S3: Twice Serumed Steve 🔃 De-Serumed Steve

Perfection, Scientifically Speaking by EvilDime When Steve injected himself with the serum in a desperate bid to keep it out of A.I.M.'s hands, he had expected something familiar like more muscles, greater speed, further heightened durability. Or even no change at all, since the first dose had already been designed to make him perfect. Steve had been wholly unprepared for what he got instead.

S4: Fake Break-Up 🔃 Fake Relationship

The Inheritance by laiwrites Without waiting for an answer, Steve approached, laying the spread out on the polished oak desk and setting their places as if they were in the dining room. He was in the middle of drawing up a chair when Tony said, "Darling, I believe we must divorce." On accident, Steve scratched the chair legs against the expensive parquet flooring. "It is too early for this. If you must jest, Tony, could you at least wait until after I have eaten?"

S5: Can't Forget Anything 🔃 Amnesia

Remember (when your dreams have ended) BirtheV If Tony Stark were a better man, he would take responsibility for his actions. But since Tony is not even a good man, he's going to take the easy way out and forget Steve Rogers ever existed. Only then will he be able to live without this grief that's killing him. It turns out brains are rather fickle about what they remember and forget. Things can always get worse.

T1: Empty Nest Fic 🔃 Kid Fic

mirrors a still sky by laiwrites Four snapshots over several decades of Steve and Tony growing old together at their house on the lake. Based off of an AU where they make up and get married after Civil War.

T2: Too Hot To Cuddle 🔃 Huddling For Warmth

Beating the Heat by KandiSheek It's too hot to do anything but lie in bed together. Steve and Tony find ways to entertain themselves.

T3: Hate At First Sight 🔃 Love At First Sight

If You Tame Me by KandiSheek They've been together for barely a month when Steve gets a dog. Which would be all well and good if the dog didn't hate Tony on sight. How the hell is Tony supposed to make a dog like him anyway?

T4: Didn't Know They Weren't Dating 🔃 Didn't Know They Were Dating

Been There, Done That by EvilDime "Steve," Tony interrupts Steve's solicitous stream of concern. "Do we have a date this afternoon?" "Sorry, a what?" "A date," Tony repeats. "My calendar claims that I have a 'Coffee Date with Cap' at four o'clock." There's silence on the other end of the line. Then, hesitantly: "Like, a date-date?" "That's what the calendar says," Tony confirms. In which Tony and Steve lost only a week's worth of memories during a mission, but it turns out it was a somewhat important week.

T5: Lie Serum 🔃 Truth Serum

(No) Touching by Naivelittleprincess "I hate you," Steve whispered with a softness better suited to a different set of words. Tony only hummed and paused in the middle of his rant about pineapple on pizza to plant a quick kiss on his lips. "I hate you too, winghead. Now, listen—this is important and it makes my hot, Italian blood boil."

O1: Presumed Alive 🔃 Presumed Dead

Sanguinary Revelations by FestiveFerret Tony's pretty sure his brand new relationship with Steve is the best relationship he's ever been in. Until he learns something surprising about his new beau.

O2: There's Too Many Beds 🔃 There's Only One Bed

Sometimes, There's too many beds. by Lancelot_The_Dragon_Lord With the others Avengers moving way, Tony and Steve are left in the tower alone, with far to many empty beds. Tony falls back into bad habits, and Steve's just being Steve. This always end well, Right? Romcom Fantasies by starkparade Tony runs into Steve at the airport, and when the hotel Tony booked in Washington DC abruptly cancels his reservation, Steve offers him to stay the night at his place. It sounds like something straight out of Tony's romcom fantasies starring Steve, except Tony is convinced that Steve is in love with someone else. Situation Normal: All Fucked Up by KandiSheek Tony had a foolproof plan. Step 1: Get Steve into bed with him. Step 2: ? Step 3: Live happily ever after. Sure, it could use some work, but success was guaranteed. No one is more shocked than him when it doesn't work out quite like he planned.

O3: Free Space

Friends by EvilDime Shopping for a coffin is not where Steve expected to make a friend. And he almost doesn't.

O4: Ruin-It 🔃 Fix-It

Close It by starkparade Steve had to make the hard call to prevent the nuclear blast going off inside the wormhole from reaching the island of Manhattan. As a result, Tony Stark never made it back. Steve did what he had to, and yet his guilt is eating him alive and he can't figure out just why he is so affected.

O5: Too Much Communication 🔃 Miscommunication

The Opposite of You by KandiSheek Tony has a lot of opinions about the kind of person Steve should date. Steve doesn't quite know how to tell him he's already made up his mind.

N1: True Hate's Kiss 🔃 True Love's Kiss

What if.. Tony was where Rhodey was by Lancelot_The_Dragon_Lord Tony is following the Quinjet, and gets hit by a stray laser by Rhodey. He falls.

N2: Abstain or Die 🔃 Fuck or Die

Swingin' Party by Naivelittleprincess It’s his sister and his best friend’s wedding, and Tony is not allowed to have sex with his ex-husband.

N3: Divorce of Convenience 🔃 Marriage of Convenience

Fools Rush In by betheflame “So you’re getting a divorce of convenience to then get a marriage of convenience, but really nothing about your actual marriage has changed?” “Pretty much,” Tony affirmed. “You’re fucking nuts if you think this’ll work, pal,” Bucky said. "Fucking nuts."

N4: Found Foes 🔃 Found Family

This Meeting Could Have Been an E-mail by laiwrites In an alternate universe where Iron Man is one of Captain America's fiercest enemies, the two of them find themselves on opposite sides of a battlefield as usual. Only, this time Cap has a proposal.

N5: Lovers to Friends 🔃 Friends to Lovers

The sunrise over the cliff face by Lancelot_The_Dragon_Lord Steve is proposing to Tony. Or is he? It's Not You, It's Me by EvilDime “Tony,” Steve said slowly. “Is this the Talk I think it is?” Chewing on his lip did not make this any easier. Resigned, Tony slipped his lip back out from between his teeth and faced the music. “Not the way you’re thinking, Steve. But, basically? Yes.”

Y1: Everyone Has Powers AU 🔃 No Powers AU

Waiting On A Miracle by Naivelittleprincess [An AU inspired by Encanto, featuring Peggy as "Abuela", the team as her adopted foster children with special gifts and Tony as the odd ball without any powers.] "I don't know why you weren't given a gift, Tony," Peggy had raged. "But that does not mean you go around ruining everyone else's life!" "I wasn't. Steve wasn't happy with Sharon!" "And he won't be now. You've made sure of that. Howard was right! You are a miserable child! I should have never let you stay here."

Y2: Virgin Tony 🔃 Playboy Tony

Darling, don't be afraid. by Lancelot_The_Dragon_Lord Tony Stark is a virgin, always has been. It's not for the lack trying. He's just scared to be vulnerable.

Y3: Monstercuddling 🔃 Monsterfucking

All Wrapped Up by KandiSheek Tony gets caught by a tentacle monster, which sounds terrible but actually isn't. The creature just... holds him, for a while, before the rest of the Avengers show up and rescue him. Finding out just how depressingly touch-starved you are via wholesome tentacle kidnapping has to be the pinnacle of humiliation. Now Tony needs to figure out how he can repeat the experience with less tentacles and more actual human contact. And also why the hell Steve seems to be the only one on the team who isn't down for some casual Tony cuddling.

Y4: Undercover in a Straight Bar 🔃 Undercover in a Gay Bar

Fruit Punch by Naivelittleprincess Tony's days of being a playboy might be over, but that doesn't mean anything when he has to teach Steve a lesson.

Y5: Last Kiss 🔃 First Kiss

Forever the Name on My Lips by ralsbecket Tony jokes about how the final kiss they shared was all love and morning breath. A full grin spreads across his face as he confesses, “The only thing I regret in my life is not brushing my teeth that morning.” Don't Look, I Think We Made The Sun Cry by Naivelittleprincess As long as they are together, death is but the next adventure.

[astarionconsort]

"Immortality bad" is bullshit

BG3 really broke me and triggered me to write this rant.

I'm so sick and tired of media hammering over and over again about oh how immortality is such a curse and you won't like it, oh why don't you just accept that you will wither away suffering from degenerative disease, Alzheimer, bad joints and fucking erectile dysfunction?

Oh you will be bored with immortality, oh my god you will outlive your loved ones... NOOOOO immortality is bad and dont you dare to want it. No one wanted to age and turn into a wrinkly prune, zero people wanted to lose their mind into Alzheimer, and those who says becoming brittle with age is such a good thing actually accepted it through centuries of collective stockholm syndrome

"You will get bored of immortality?" Skill issue, the universe is infinite and there's many things to do, your brain forget a lot of things easily. Don't do something for 10 years and you do it again, that thing will become a new experience.

Especially in a high magic world like DnD with multiverse and several different planes. Bored with this new age? Get into cyro sleep and wake up in a new era or do a memory wipe

"You will outlive your loved ones?" If you can get immortality, why your loved ones can't? This argument never made sense to me

"Resource problem." This can be solved with clever management, economic system that is not shit like capitalism and population control, moving to also another planet/planes of existence

"You will end up alone floating in space." Immortality doesnt mean invincibility, also alone? Back to argument number one that you can give immortality to your loved ones, what stopped them from getting it if you can have it too? Also the universe is infinite and in a world like DnD there's many realms

In Baldur's Gate/DnD there are ways to achieve immortality, the most known/popular ones are becoming a lich, vampire, wish spell, become a god, a god blessing or cloning spell.

But somehow even in BG3 the whole 'immortality bad and those who seek immortality must be evil' bullshit is still shoved down my throat and still a forefront.

There's elminster who is chosen of Mystra and immortal, not a bad guy but his immortality is not a focus in bg3

Jaheira has the rite of body preservation to prolong her life because she wanted to keep protecting the city in act3, you can encourage her to do it but somehow she still reject it and just give the scroll to you. The whole thing with Ketheric, Lorrokan wanted immortality and he is an evil wizard. Now your tav/durge can be immortal through three ways, romancing God! Gale or romancing Ascended Astarion or you take over the illithid elder brain.

Now you can seek any other means of immortality for your tav/durge, but I'm just talking what BG3 currently offered

Now I don't believe that Gale God ending is evil, it is an antithesis to his professor ending but its not like he turned into an evil god? As a human his alignment is neutral good and as a god he become true neutral with him in the epilogue saying he will bless anyone with enough ambition whatever they are good or bad people.

But the dev says at some point this ending is evil? Which doesn't make sense because God Gale hasn't do anything that can be classified as evil nor share any evil plan. Hell for god sake he is smart enough to not poke Mystra and left her alone. God Gale becoming evil only happen with recent patch 7 ending IF he takes over the brain

Then another way is to have ascended astarion turn you into a vampire. Now i don't see this as a bad ending for HIM, for astarion, FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF ASCENDED ASTARION. Not from the moralistic perspective of 21st century spectators or a good aligned Tav. Here's the logic If Sauron wins then that is bad for everyone, but for Sauron himself it is not a bad outcome.

But is it evil? YES. Doing the rite if profane ascension is an evil deed (its just Ascendant Astarion and my Tav who is happy becoming a vampire doesnt care about the morality of it) then you can take over the brain, suppose if you can conquer the world with it what stopping you from gaining immortality with such immeasurable power?

But those ways of gaining immortality are either godhood that is seen as 'evil path' by the dev or objectively through evil means like the rite of ascension or taking over the elder brain.

Really in a world where a detective is a fucking talking elephant and you can have sex with a druid bear, why the quest to obtain immortality is always through evil means? A repetition of other media

Like i said there's a way to become immortal trough neutral or good way like clone spell, cloning a younger body and transferring your soul into it or obtaining blessing from good aligned God.

But what forefront in BG3 is the 'evil people seek immortality through evil means'

It is shoving down this "those who seek immortality must be evil or have something wrong with them because how dare they stray away from the path and others must be forced to walk on, how dare they strayed away from the herd, how dare that one crab climbed out of the bucket while others are doomed to rot in it? That person must be evil and has to be punished!"

The argument against immortality that keep appearing in books or movies etc is just a severe case of sour grape. You can't reach for something yet therefore you must hate it/that thing must be bad, a severe case of jealously, and a 'know your place' mentality (know your place, you are just a lousy human unlike those beautiful elves who can live for so long or even forever')

'Immortality bad' is humanity current 'flying is bad and the highest form of hubris, an offence to god.'

No, I dont see immortality as a bad thing and humanity need to get over this sour grape already because it is embarrassing

[rockermazy]

All singing in the show is canonically diegetic - meaning that all singing 100% takes place in-universe, for all the characters to hear and potentially participate in.

In the first (non-pilot) episode, the " Story of Hell" book, as read by Charlie, states that Lillith "empower[ed] demon-kind with her voice and her songs - and as the numbers of Hell grew, so did its power." After the extermination began, Lilith's "dream was passed down to her precious daughter, the Princess of Hell", who is presumably Charlie herself. Two scenes later, Charlie is in musical-notation hammerspace with other denizens, being the cognito hazard that she is.

In episode 7, Rosie invites Charlie to rally Cannibal Town in defending the hotel during the upcoming extermination. When Charlie initially fails, Rosie asks how she normally explains her hotel. Charlie replies, "Through singing". Singing is canonically a gift of both Charlie and every demon - both Hellborn and Sinner.

Which leads me to a theory: One thing that's been nagging me since the pilot, is how Lucifer and Lilith have been fucking for nearly 6,000 years, but only NOW decided to have a daughter in the 21st century. It makes Charlie's existence look almost Mary Sue-ish*. After watching Helluva Boss, it made more sense that Charlie might be an "insurance baby", much like Octavia is to Stolas' lineage. Lucifer might not be unkillable. Carmine and the hotel battle of episode 8 have both demonstrated that angels can be killed with the right ammunition. But why was Charlie born now, in the 21st century? My theory is that Heaven asked Lilith to leave Hell, hoping she'd take her song with her. Heaven knew that Lilith was the one making Hell stronger through her songs. Charlie uses song to rally the people around her.

Husk used song to heal.

Song, even when used to butt heads, (ex: Lucifer vs Alastor), will make combatants drop valuable info, basically outing themselves to everyone within earshot in this universe.

My guess is that a conversation sometime in the past went something like this: Heaven: Lilith, bitch - we see what you're doing. Stop teaching Hell how to sing - the bonding and wholesomeness is threatening our status quo." Lilith: No. Heaven: Fine, we'll exterminate. Lilith: (years later, looking at Carmine's charts) hmmm... the number of sinners getting exterminated each year seems to be climbing. Heaven might want all of us dead. Hey, Luci-boo... get your depressed-ass over here. You wanna make a kid this time? (Waits til Charlie is somewhat grown, and asks Heaven for a "meeting".) Lilith: ok, I have got an offer you cannot refuse - I will never EVER sing again, and my power will leave with me - IF you give me a spot in Heaven (or Earth - I should technically be immortal since I never touched the Forbidden Fruit). Heaven: um... win for everyone? ok! Charlie herself (for lack of a better term) might be Lilith's "ace in the hole" herself. Also, this makes me wonder if the only way to avoid lying is to avoid singing on the topic XD

*I have nothing against mary sues. I'd been wanting for years now to do something visual describing the internal turmoil that religious trauma caused in my The-Cell-starring-J-lo --like inner worlds. Telling personal stories and Mary Sues are inextricably intertwined. This show has inspired me to either keep pursuing that or just quit. Because picking apart past trauma for analysis can be more trouble than its worth - especially if you are ready to forget. u.u I still get deep chills every time I hear Emily and Charlie's duet in "You Didn't Know", even though I've officially considered myself atheist for like, what, three months?" This shit was an essay. I'm just going to play Warframe instead. Peace.

[gilsart]

I just KNOW that Frederick the Great is tweaking in his coffin right now with the victory of the rotten orange.

It's jover for all of us in politics 💀, we need a hero (historical political figure from Prussia who happens to be gay)

Oh no we do NOT need a comeback no thank you nuh huh not agreeing with this he better stay dead 🚩🚩🚩

All jokes aside!

I think we need to talk about this statement you made. I'm european, that means I'm not directly affected by Tr*mp's election, but I will be in the near future considering most politicians in my country love to lick fascist boots (not surprised, they're fascists themselves). This is a premise to say that we are collectively sinking deep in a pile of shit, but that I'm also used to fascist ideology comfortably sitting in Parliament chairs as I am used to anachronistic statements, so here's my two cents about what you just said.

I admit I have no idea if by "tweaking" you mean tweaking with joy or tweaking in horror, I've seen the verb being used in both contexts and English isn't my first language, but this doesn't matter. Whatever you meant, I wouldn't make a statement like this one to talk about the current situation, if I were you. Now, I know you were probably joking and that's fine, but I still feel like it is my responsibility to answer back to you with what I think about this, especially with what is happening right now: we need to stop thinking about historical figures with our 21st century mindset, ESPECIALLY when it comes to political matters like, for example, segregated and oppressed communities' basic human rights.

Especially when talking about queer historical figures such as Frederick, considering the time he was born, lived and died, he wouldn't even know what the word "gay" means. He wouldn't use the word "homosexual", he wouldn't know how to label himself, he wouldn't think like we do because we're talking about an 18th century rich white man. And he probably wouldn't align with any feminist ideology, as wouldn't most (if not every, but I'm not educated enough to speak on behalf of historical feminism) male figures from his time period. When thinking about it, being considerate enough towards oppressed communities as to, for example, not use certain slurs is a fairly new thing. The words used to describe a gay man back then would be considered extremely offensive right now – not to mention being a lesbian was equated with being mentally ill.

To mix historical figures and modern day society is anachronistic and aside from not leading us anywhere it can be extremely dangerous. What you said was innocent, I think, so I'm not accusing you of anything, and while anachronism can sometimes be funny (like, for example, a meme or a drawing) when dragged into modern society's ideology, it becomes a double-edged sword. Especially when it comes to Frederick. Idolizing him lead to some very bad stuff. N*zis glorified him as a hero and a great German leader prefiguring H*tler. Joseph G*ebbels commissioned artists to render fanciful images of Frederick, Bismarck, and H*itler together to create a sense of historical continuum amongst them and legitimise the Regime by doing so. To this day there are people who proudly call themselves "Prussian nationalists" which in the year of our lord 2024 is rather pathetic (wake up, Prussia doesn't exist anymore, guys) and deeply concerning. These people have reached out to me in the past and I ever so quickly blocked them.

When it comes to a drawing, something silly, something done lightheartedly, it is one thing. When people (not just me, people) draw modern AUs with historical figures just to have fun, with nothing problematic attached to it, that's just what it is: a drawing. But when it comes to politics let's remember that these people are dead, have been dead, and better stay dead and the fuck out of Parliament seats, politicians' mouths, and human rights movements because most of the time they wouldn't even know what the hell we're on about. And that is okay. They have done their time on Earth and we can study them, like them, make content revolving around them like I do along with many other people, but what we cannot do is use them to say they'd stand by us and agree with us because that takes us nowhere.

I'd like to end this by saying I'm not attacking you, and if you feel like I am or would like to talk about this further feel free to DM me. This is just a general message to everyone to not come to me with anachronistic takes, be they voluntary or involuntary, because I'm way too used to them not to start being really annoying.

[lemonhemlock]

No because all the anons talking about the Aemond x TB OC self insert fics are so real. Because those are so ridiculous derivative it is crazy

-White haired Targaryen looking child of Rhaenyra, probably named Visenya is either 1- takes after her mother because genetics don't exist 2-is the one trueborn daughter of Laenor and Rhaenyra who was conceived during consummation

-Can sword-fight, ride, talks like a 21st century woman, is a #girlboss and a 3rd wave feminist

-Takes Aemond's eye out as children instead of Luke being the one to do it

-Aemond somehow falls head over heels in love with her because she is #notlikeothergirls and just really really super hot

-Aemond abandons his family, his brothers, his sister, his mother and all the people he cares about to go fight for Rhaenyra because apparently the SI is just so hot and he is so in love with her

-They probably repeatedly have amazing super hot poorly written pre-marital sex but SI ofc doesn't get pregnant but there is no explanation like moon tea or anything

-Aemond calls his family out for being misogynistic haters or something for some reason????

- 639363 pages of Alicent bashing

-Aegon is the devil himself

-SI and Aemond get married and have children with white hair who they name after Rhaenyra and Daemon

-Author somehow managing to sneak in their own opinions that Rhaenyra is the one true heir and her and Daemon are innocent little saints who do no wrong

Just explained the plot of like a min. of 50 of Aemond x TB OC fics

i mean.... yeah :)) good for them for having their fun, but, bless their hearts, i had to check out

at the end of the day everyone can relate to this feeling of frustration when the majority of fics skew in a direction you're not a fan of. and every author should absolutely feel like they can post whatever they want and enjoy themselves; the target audience isn't always you and that's fine. but i simultaneously feel like venting these annoyances with like-minded people in your own space is also not a crime. sometimes we don't like stuff and want to gossip about it. it's really not that serious, everyone has the thinnest skin imaginable these days

it's like we've forgotten how to interact with one another. not liking something is not a personal affront to the person who does like it. it does not require outrage at the expressing of an opinion. it does not require a silencing campaign. you shouldn't expect others to keep quiet all the time just so your feelings won't be hurt. the fuck. especially when, i repeat, the tags can always be muted. what are you even doing interacting with the posts if the mere act of verbalizing a dislike bothers you so much?

there's a world of difference between occasional banter and sending authors hate, leaving disgruntled reviews, telling people to kms or insinuating that on your blog, casually accusing them of being illegal sexual deviants and whatever other deranged insults stans trade like candy and we definitely should stop acting like these two things are the same. you don't have to turn everything into a fight in the trenches

Anonymous asked: Yeah while I don't expect Alicent to be portrayed in every fic as the best mother who has no bad qualities since nobody is perfect it's becoming tiring to constantly read about how she's always trying to actively destroy her children's lives and is to blame for most things including the upcoming war while Rhaenyra is an amazing mother who truly loves her children and can do no wrong, like the worst she'll do is maybe arrange some unwanted marriage to her OC daughter or betroth her to another man who is not Aemond. I've come across to stories in which Alicent was abusive to Aemond for no reason other than she's a bad mother, was physically recoiled by his lost eye, turned and indoctrinated him into a religious extremist just like she's always portrayed in many fics or even tried to have Rhaenyra's daughter be assassinated just to prevent Aemond from defecting to the other side by marrying her and not the Baratheon daughter the greens want him to marry. To some extent I do believe it's very hard to avoid some OOC-ness from these characters since they're being put into new scenarios that didn't happen in canon and everything about this is being left to the author's personal interpretation which will naturally spark some debate whether or not what a certain character's actions are believable within their universe, however, due to the formulaic nature of a lot of those fics most characters (especially green ones if we're talking about Rhaenyra's daughter OCs) are brought to insane levels of OOC just to make their story work. Like yeah, if Aemond has constantly been abused by his mother (not physically necessarily), by Aegon, by his grandfather and, on top of that, Alicent and/or Otto try to have his beloved OC assassinated well, chances are this will make him denounce his family and switch sides sooner or later. Something that would've never happened under normal circumstances. Oh and I've also noticed a trend in quite a few of these fics of using Alys in cheating tropes and always turning her into an evil witch and seductress who tries to separate Aemond from the OC and use him for her own benefits…all I'm going to say is you don't want to see how demented and misogynistic people get about her in the comment sections. Anyway I'm sorry about extending this discussion about Aemond x OC fics and I hope it hasn't attracted too many weirdos who are spewing hate in your inbox!

i pretty much agree with you, anon, not much more to add. :))

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: DECEMBER 2023

what's up gamers!!!! 2023 is over, and before I can make a post reflecting on every book I read I need to talk specifically about what I was reading in December. I was lucky enough to end the year coming out of a pretty dire depressive fug, and I celebrated by going buckwild reading as much as possible and placing so many holds at the local library that I will, probably, come to regret any day now. such is the price of being in love with life again, I guess!

let's talk about it!!!

what I read:

Buffalo is the New Buffalo (Chelsea Vowel, 2022) - a collection of Métis speculative fiction short stories. Vowel's stories didn't always quite land for me, feeling as if they would benefit from another round or two of revisions and a bit of elaboration, but even when they fell a little flat the concepts were promising. I especially adored the story "Michif Man," in which a mid-twentieth century Métis man is gored by a radioactive buffalo and develops strange powers that he uses to defend his community, told through the fascinating framing device of a 21st century scholar's speech making a case for Michif Man's existence. I also really liked the closing story, "Unsettled," which felt like really cool old school sci-fi: five clashing characters alone burdened with the responsibility of tending to the rest of humanity frozen in stasis, with each character serving as a mouthpiece for a vastly different perspective and set of values about their Indigenous identity. hit or miss collection for me, but the hits hit much harder than the misses missed.

The Bandit Queens (Parini Schroff, 2023) - this book was genuinely so so hard to put down!!! the story follows a group of women in a small Indian village as they decide to start solving problems by murdering their husbands, turning to Geeta - whose widely believed to have killed her own husband years ago - for advice. the only problem is that Geeta didn't kill him, he just walked out on her. and now she's caught in a RAPIDLY tangling web of murder, blackmail, and hidden motives among women she's never let herself get close to. it's a dark comedy, to be sure, but also surprisingly heartfelt, exploring the countless factors - gender, class, caste, religion, motherhood, beauty - that keep Geeta and the other women apart as well as the forces powerful enough to pull them together. it's a book about the power of friendship and also the power of going ape shit.

Small Game (Blair Braverman, 2022) - a VERY different book from Bandit Queens on every level, but equally hard to put down! Braverman is something of a professional wilderness survivor, and decided to write a story about a similarly experienced young woman, Mara, signing up for a survival-themed reality show where everything goes wrong. one day the camera crew simply fails to show up, and everything shifts when the contestants are forced to shift from surviving for show to actually fighting for their lives. a book that's gross and tender in equal amounts; Braverman is a very good storyteller and I'm strongly looking forward to anything else she puts out.

Are You My Mother? (Alison Bechdel, 2012) - a gorgeously drawn and terrifyingly vulnerable graphic memoir. a spectacularly brave endeavor; while I would never discount the tremendous artistry of Bechdel's more well-known Fun Home, I cannot imagine the terror of writing something like this about my mother when she's still alive to read it. absolutely ruinous if you yourself have any remotely complicated feelings about your mother, I will tell you that much!!!!

The Heart Principle (Helen Hoang, 2021) - Helen Hoang is so good that I didn't even count this as my romance novel of the month; this was just a book that I sincerely wanted to read. apparently quite a few reviewers on goodreads whined about how this shouldn't qualify as a romance novel because it's too sad, to which I say those people are fucking wieners. Heart Principle gets heavy, sure, with protagonist Anna navigating the sudden illness and death of her elderly father, but at the same time she's finding happiness and new ways to be herself and having the best sex of her life with resident hottie Quan, who's been a gem of a supporting character in this series since Kiss Quotient. it gets sad as hell, for sure, but it's also a mature, touching, and sexy story of two people developing a bond that encourages them both to embrace life and grow together. also, hi, Anna finding out she's autistic is SUCH a source of joy and eventual self confidence for her and it's SO nice to read.

Out There Screaming: An Anthology of New Black Horror (ed. Jordan Peele, 2023) - listen. it's a very good short story collection, filled to the bursting with some of the best writers in the game. there are very few stinkers in the bunch, which is really impressive for a collection with so many stories. but. it very seldom felt properly... scary? spooky, creepy, mysterious, supernatural, sure. but I want to be scared!!!! fuck me up!!! Us got under my skin and scared me in a way that I still think about years later, and I was expecting something similar from an anthology edited by Jordan Peele. so on that note I would actually really strongly recommend this is you like being a little spooked but not terrified!

Kiss Her Once for Me (Alison Cochrun, 2022) - this one was the romance novel of the month, voted on by my patrons, and incidentally my patrons should go to prison. listen. this book sucks shit. god, this protagonist sucks. I know the point of this kind of story is for characters to start in a place where they're flawed and you want to see them improve as people, but Ellie is just so endlessly whiny that I don't want to see her improve, I want her to shut the fuck up and stop using her anxiety as an excuse to be wildly unpleasant to everyone else. the chemistry between the main characters was what I call the "because I said so" variety, by which I mean there was no chemistry despite the narrative insisting repeatedly that there definitely was. (incidentally, Ellie had way better chemistry with the man she was fake engaged to, meaning I was actually really rooting for the hetero option for once.) also Cochrun is apparently a huge swiftie and referenced Taylor Swift a truly unwell amount of times in this book. dismal all around.

Mammoths at the Gates (Nghi Vo, 2023) - Nghi Vo can do absolutely no wrong and is one of the authors whose new releases I will ALWAYS be showing up for. Mammoths at the Gates is the latest in the Singing Hills Cycle of novellas, and sees the cleric Chih leaving their quest for stories in order to return home to Singing Hills Abbey after years on the road. they're excited to be home, but nothing is as peaceful as they'd have hoped: an old friend has been promoted, straining their relationship, and a beloved mentor has died, creating a complication when their family come to lay claim to the body. it's a book about death in the best way, by which I mean it's very much a book about life, and I read it all in one delightful morning racing to the gentle shock of the ending.

what am I reading now?

God: A Biography (Jack Miles, 1995) - this is a book rec I scooped from Oh No Ross and Carrie and it is. such a weird reading experience, but I'm enjoying it! this God dude is nuts!

Masters of Death (Olivie Blake, 2018) - I'm not very far into this book yet, and I can't decide if the prose is fun or annoying. maybe both!

what's next: a list of books I have on hold

Patternmaster (Octavia Butler)

Laziness Does Not Exist (Devon Price)

Piñata (Leopoldo Gout)

[listening-to-thunder]

City Hunter 2024

Don't mind me I just watched a live action adaptation of the show I absolutely imprinted on as a little fan sprout in the late 80s/early 90s and I have feelings?! (Tl;dr - the adaptation is so faithful I am so happy.)

So yeah. I watched the (censored) French version of the City Hunter anime during summer vacations and then languished as Sweden did not have City Hunter (or anyone who had heard of City Hunter, other than my little brother). So I did stuff like...record it on VCR, pause the VCR, and trace character portraits off the prickly cathode-ray tube TV. (Screenshot technology has come a long way!)

Later on I read the entire un-censored manga (with the original names restored!) in French, and downloaded the Japanese songs from some pages I found on AltaVista (which took forever on modem), and brough the full set back in Japanese after I lived there for a while. And then I found out there is an official "megafan gets transmigrated into the story"-manga about City Hunter, and I read that, too.

Basically: I have had this story in my life forever, and watching the live action movie now gives me echoes of all those feelings I had as a lonely fannish kid. Which is a weird feeling, but not in a bad way, because the live action adaption (not the first, but the first Japanese one!) is...good? It's fun! And it's as faithful to the original story as it could possibly be while also being updated for the 21st century in the best ways?

Okay, I'm just gonna dive in!

I love how prominent Shinjuku is in the live action. It's gorgeously shot, and you can really feel a sense of place. The characters always talk about "this city", and Shinjuku is that city.

And right off the bat Suzuki Ryohei gets to shine in a fun, fast fight scene with a manga flair to it!

Everyone in Shinjuku knows Ryo-chan! And here's where I will admit to my own ignorance, because reading in translation at a young age I honestly don't know if the manga touched on how Shinjuku as a place where the queer community meets? But here the owner of the bar Ryo rushes through is a glorious okama!

Saeba Ryo and Makimura Hidekyuki and HI MY FEELS. (I will probably get back to how much I adore that Ryo is played by an actor who's hit 40 - but Andou Masanobu is nearly 50?! HOW.)

YES GOOD the iconic coat from the manga (that I like a lot more than the silly little anime jacket) running down the streets of Shinjuku as the equally iconic red car (an old Mini Cooper?) races past the neon lights.

Oh man I have cried about this scene so many times. And here I just love how they got the dramatic rain in, despite the circumstances and setting of Makimura's death being different. That's what a good adaptation does: keeps things recognizable to the existing fans, while transforming it to something new and exciting. (I almost didn't see it coming because I kept thinking "It's not raining"...!)

Not to be shallow or anything but...HOT DAMN. Suzuki Ryohei!!!!

This was so delightful! Everyone was having such fun with the Mokkori Dance, and I am thrilled that they found a way of showing this side of Saeba Ryo without making him a sex pest. The mood whiplash from drama to the most frivolous silliness is extremely City Hunter, and the movie wouldn't have felt right if they hadn't nailed this. (With Ryo nudity. I am. Not complaining at all.)

Kaori's stare. Ryo's confidence. Perfect. No notes.

And then we get some T&A... and it's QUEER AS FUCK?! Instead of a strip club, in 2024 the Shinjuku nightlife scene is beautiful people voguing with a fabulous drag queen MC!

Showing off Ryo's impossibly good aim by following the bullet through a crowded nightclub was fun but again: look at this Shinjuku!! It's queer and diverse and I love it.

I could not believe how Suzuki Ryohei somehow manages to move like a manga character? He is so fast and so believable as a supernaturally good shot! I also liked how Ryo hid his gun as soon as he'd fired it - the enemy had already spotted him, so it wasn't that he was afraid of giving himself away? But he doesn't want to have a gun out at a queer nightclub, where it could start a very understandable panic.

Again with the Shinjukuness of it all...! Ryo's car is parked outside the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building (it was my favorite place to go hang out if I had time to kill in Shinjuku) - I think they're up in the observation deck, too?? The layers of nostalgia for me... it hits hard...

SPEAKING OF HITTING HARD I love that they gave Kaori her mallet!!! YES. (And they made up a cosplay event for it, where there was a tiny bit of T&A - but where the cosplayers themselves were making sure they looked as good as possible, showing off their assets!)

This is art to me.

Saeba Ryo. Stallion of Shinjuku. Blocking creepy otaku and audience alike from getting panty shots while not peeking under her skirt and also the horse head is his penis and...

This will take some processing. (While I giggle.)

THE most City Hunter shot of the entire movie. The crosshairs! Ryo shoving someone (Kaori) out of the way of a bullet! The bullet grazing his arm!! SHOOTING BACK AT THE SNIPER. Everything. Everything is perfect.

I am looking...respectfully...?

Their poses, the city... this whole scene felt like watching the manga come to life. Kaori needs a hug and Ryo hasn't gotten to the point where he can do "emotional support" in any other way than "revenge". Ahhhh the angst.

The movie's fights are so much fun to watch, because they have Ryo being a superhero with a gun (or: several guns), and then Kaori running around terrified but also so determined to actually fight. She shoves things on people! She hits that one guy with a pipe!! I love her so much.

IT'S THEM

FEELS ARE HAPPENING

(Ryo still doesn't do "hugging", but at least he's letting Kaori sob on him this time?)

Yes shooting a guy with an upside down revolver pointing behind you is exactly what I want from City Hunter, thank you! (Also the intensity Suzuki Ryohei brings out for Ryo's protective streak... It's so good...)

I just know that I am missing a ton of Easter eggs...! (I would be surprised if the framed drawing of a revolver isn't Hojo Tsukasa's art, though.)

And here we go! Now they're roommates! Kaori has her mallet! And her 80s manga outfit...! Aaah!!!!

Though they both wear shoes indoors which... I suppose even though they live there, the building isn't..."home"-coded? (I mean having that much real estate in the center of Shinjuku actually requires more suspension of disbelief than the gun magic...).

Anyway: it's THEM!

Sequel when? I really, really want one. They did such a fabulous job with this story, I want to see them do more!!

[haggishlyhagging]

In Civilization, women are objectified and treated as property—that is, owned to some degree—more than men. That doesn't change with "sex-positive feminism." The sex-positive idea is that women can gain some degree of control by objectifying themselves. Women remain objects, but if we play it right, the reasoning goes, we can partake in more of the profits of our exploitation.

Women are also human beings, with minds, ideas, desires, feelings, points of view, and consciousness. These are what make us alive, and that life is diminished by objectification.

I am less fully human when seen as an object by others, but I am even more troubled by my own participation in objectifying myself. I actively reduced my own humanity. The loss of my libido was only one measurable result. I was not only a victim of my commodification, but also a perpetrator.

Was I supposed to save myself for Love? I'd already been in love, several times, and my lovers imploded and left me. Men found me "too intense." No one wanted my love, not even me. The idea of men loving me for who I actually was, was long gone. No one wanted my soul, but some wanted my body, which was thin at last, and with makeup, a wig, and high heels was literally a hot commodity.

I was well aware I was supposed to be cautious, and took precautions; I only responded to solicitations specifying "no nudity" and "no sex" (both of which turned out to be laughable, and are tactics still used to this day to recruit young, vulnerable women). I was also aware that I was supposed to feel ashamed. I spent a lot of time considering shame, and rejecting it: I wasn't harming anyone (ha!), my choices were informed, my eyes were open. Sex was nothing to be ashamed of. Objectifying my own body was nothing to be ashamed of: all the strippers, prostitutes, and porn models/directors who spoke at SESI made that clear. It was work, it was art, it was expression. No shame in objectification: we are all objects, we live in a material world. Nothing wrong with exchange for money, either; we exchange all kinds of goods and services for money, why are bodies and sex any different?

Now-me knows sex is different, and bodies are not commodities. Then-me simply wouldn't have believed it. The body is sacred? Nothing is sacred in this world. Was I supposed to just cloister myself, be abstinent until Mr. Right came along? There is no Mr. Right, there was no one who would understand and respect and love me the way I needed to be loved, and time was ticking away while my very temporal body was at its peak of beauty and my hormones were screaming "fuck! fuck! fuck!"

Radical feminism might have helped me, but at the time I didn't know it existed. Dworkin was a dirty word. Plus, my craving for sex with men made it impossible for me to see men as they are, to admit how widespread misogyny really is.

Heterosexuality: it's a hell of a drug.

A hot body is often the biggest asset many young women have. We are lucky if we have hot, conventionally attractive bodies. All my years developing my mind and talents meant nothing compared to my brief moment of hot-boddedness. Men who were never impressed by my art would fall over themselves to buy me drinks and otherwise attend to me when I went out in a wig and makeup. I actually felt sorry for these men, so helplessly conditioned they were to respond to stupid gender cues, their feeble minds taken over by mediated programming. Do I pity them still? As much as I pity anyone who surrenders personal responsibility and critical thinking in favor of unexamined social programming. Such people are pathetic—and authoritarian, dangerous enablers.

For about a year, I enabled them myself, by dressing up as the male idea of a sexy woman: drag.

-Nina Paley, “My Sex-Positive Memoirs: How I Learned to Stop Drinking Kool-Aid and Start Judging” in Spinning And Weaving: Radical Feminism for the 21st Century

[theshadowrealmitself]

Not to sound like a broken record, but fuck I love thinking about how things would change in the future, especially horror movies

“I actually really enjoy horror movies, especially the slasher kind. Did you know that many of the tropes found in it are the result of things that were condemned in the late 1900’s in western society? Many of the plotlines of the time were “teenagers have premarital sex and do drugs and get killed off, and the one that lives is the “good” girl who doesn’t do those things.” As you can imagine, those things were very looked down at the time.”

“Now, even though those things are no longer condemned, those character types still exist in slasher films, and have even evolved. There’s still the “slutty girl”, but instead of it being a Human playing a character that’s meant to be “punished” for premarital sex, it’s now always played by an Orion woman. In fact, the current most popular slasher franchise in today’s time involves an Orion woman who does everything right by playing up the “slutty” stereotype. So rather than being condemned for her sexuality, she’s venerated for it.”

“Do you think the Orion director was aware of the Human history of these kind of slasher films and did this purposely to subvert the trope, or do you think it was a natural outcome because of the difference in how Orions view sex and sexuality? As a director, it would make sense that she’d do her research, but also it’s been so long since the 1900’s on Earth, I wouldn’t be surprised if information like that is too difficult to find, I wish I could ask her myself.”

- person from the 21st century who’s not aware of how much of their knowledge is still common or not

[therealvinelle]

trick or treat :3

You get a trick!

Behold, the original outline for the fic that @theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin have been working on for the past three months, that has consumed our entire existence and made us cast aside all our other fics:

Start of the semester, Dippet gets up to introduce the new exchange student: Asgeir Thorstensen!

“He’s in Slytherin, but not because Slytherin’s for evil people. So he’s in Hufflepuff, where the socialists are. But he’s your roommate.” 

“What?”

“Have you heard of planned economy, Tom?”

“Well, Asgeir, let’s take a tour. Oh, you’re in every OWL class. That’s nice. Not sure how it’s possible, but that’s nice.”

No, no, he’s TA-ing because he’s actually done with the curriculum in every class.

“Then why are you here?”

Tom’s friends suddenly like Asgeir better

Tom loses standing in the Slug club, he’s just there to look beautiful now. No networking for you, Tom.

“Oh Tom, we made you a prefect before we knew Asgeir would be attending the school. Terribly sorry, but we can only have so many and would you mind handing over the badge?” “We’re not even in the same house!”

Asgeir introduces skiing to Hogwarts, they stop the Quidditch tournament and replace it with a ski race. Tom has to participate. Everybody laughs when he falls on his face.

Tom comes across a giant dead snake in the hallway. Myrtle’s dead body is next to it. It’s gross. On the wall is “Tom Riddle left this here and I am Tom Riddle”. Tom has to get rid of the evidence.

Asgeir comes to gloat. SO, CAN’T KILL MYRTLE NOW CAN YOU BECAUSE SHE’S ALREADY DEAD.

“The fuck is wrong with you”, Tom is convinced this guy is a Nazi 

Tom tries to tell his friends first, doesn’t work out. He then goes to Dumbledore, doesn’t work out

Lily point of view: her son Harry is terrible at school and it’s getting embarrassing

Lily ends up having to take care of the acromantula which, sadly, also eats Myrtle. Somehow. Some bloke named Tom Riddle is blamed for this. 

An American auror comes in, “I have a gun.” His name: John Magnum.

The Tom Riddle guy makes a scene when Magnum shows up, “you’re a fucking nazi, aren’t you? I know it!”

“No… but my gun eats nazis” the American says this while pulling out another gun from his coat. With each line delievery, he pulls out a new gun from an increasingly unlikely place (we’re at nostril holster by the end of this)

(Accidentally shoots Myrtle when the gun goes off during this conversation)

Lily decides to talk to this Tom Riddle guy, since the Myrtle Warren thing has been bothering her, can’t put her finger on why

“Have you ever tried leaving Hogwarts?”

They walk off the edge of the world and fall, until they land in the 21st century and in the middle of a wizardy lab.

The fic is called Asgeirs eventyr, which translates to Asgeir's Adventure. We have written 329707 words, and it's not done.

(And no, The Man Who Would Be King will not be updated until after Asgeir is done because the fics are now compliant with each other. We're playing with the idea of a crossover.)

[anneangel]

A note on BBC John's silly behavior ⬇️

First, why does he care so much about what 'people might say'? It's the 21st century, it's not like someone can legally destroy them for it. The only thing that might break is John ego if he isn't called 'straight', it seems. A person who needs so much to ensure this, all the time, shows an insecure.

It's like any characteristic, whoever has and is sure of it doesn't need to reaffirm it to others and little is shaken when put to the test, whoever doesn't have it or is insecure about it will insist on reaffirming it all the time.

Where does John fit in with all the "people might talk", "I am not gay" and "we not a couple!" ???

Realize that Sherlock doesn't show the same insecurity as John, he doesn't need to reaffirm anything, whatever it is, he's sure of it and knows he doesn't owe anyone satisfaction, and little is shaken if someone doubts him, he doesn't cares about what 'they might talk', because he doesn't need other people's opinions to ensure what he is or isn't.

but John, having anything to talk about and joke about, chooses always to raise this.

Excerpt from the Canonical books:

I should recommend you also to send a note by the cabman to your wife to say that you have thrown in your lot with me" say Holmes to me.

It was difficult to refuse any of Sherlock Holmes’s requests, for were always so exceedingly definite, and put forward with such a quiet air of mastery. (...) I could not wish anything better than to be associated with my friend in one of those singular adventures which were the normal condition of his existence. (...)

"Now, Watson,” said Holmes (...). “You’ll come with me, won’t you?".

“If I can be of use.”

“Oh, a trusty comrade is always of use; and a chronicler still more so. My room at The Cedars is a double-bedded one.”

“The Cedars?”

“Yes; that is Mr St. Clair’s house. I am staying there while I conduct the inquiry.”

“Where is it, then?”

“Near Lee, in Kent. We have a seven-mile drive before us.”

“But I am all in the dark.”

“Of course you are. You’ll know all about it presently. Jump up here (...)".

And

(...) he was exceedingly loath to communicate his full plans to any other person until fulfilment. It came no doubt from his own masterful nature, which loved to dominate and surprise those who were around him. Partly also from his professional caution (...)".

Yes, Watson's first thought is to question the place, and wanting to know how Holmes is proceeding, although Holmes likes to have control over what to reveal and when.

Modern John's first thought would be: 'people might to talk'.

Oh, they seem so worried, john? And even if they did, they would have real reasons!

So, keep calm, John. It's not like you're going to be publicly rejected for 'committing a crime', go through a trial that exposes you and arrested by the police for it, you would not be killed by hanging, you would not be obliged to do forced labor, nor would you be forced to undergo chemical castration...

It's not like it's going to ruin your life if someone thinks you're gay and in a romantic relationship with Sherlock, John!

It shouldn't be a laughing and joker either, because what's the fucking problem with it?

Did you really think people wouldn't talk, john?

Oh, of course Sherlock acts like "I'm awesome" to the point of winking like a "nice guy", of course, did he do that to Anderson too? Donovan? Dimmock? For Greg? Sherlock wink at everyone he's just met. OK. He would wink to anyone who would share a room with him? Well, he seemed really desperate for a place on Baker Street! OK, I believe. Lmao.

But John is ALL the time like:

And if it's not for his ego or insecure then...

It's 'like fun' at first, but nasty when you think about 'what the show is mocking'. From the beginning this show laughed at the fans who would read "between the lines". ????

Oh, I like BBC Sherlock, I really like, but honestly; they mocked some fans of Canon (queer and shipping Watson/Holmes fans) so much.

[fagcrisis]

i read another bad YA book: when will my suffering end

my dear friend and long time training partner viki is obsessed with the arc of a scythe series by neal shusterman, and she forced me, literally at sword-point to read the first book. it seems that my fate is to forever read bad books about teenagers where nothing really happens

scythe takes place in a world where humanity has defeated death. nanotechnology allows people to stay young forever, or old forever if they so choose, and revives people from every kind of death if their corpse is recoverable. overpopulation becomes a problem though, as humanity cannot leave the planet, and so a special group of people called the Scythes are tasked with "collecting" people to keep the number of people down. scythe faraday chooses two teenagers, citra and rowan to be his apprentices, however there is a deadly challenge awaiting the two at the end of their apprenticeship. only one of them can become a scythe, and their first task will be to collect their fellow apprentice

*i read this book in hungarian so im translating a couple of things on the fly, if i mess anything up dont tell me i doubt any of you care about this book that much

THE WORLDBUILDING is bad. the initial concept is actually fascinating i can never get enough of a post scarcity society, and the way people grapple with a utopia. as a fan of ursula k le guin i think in many cases a real utopia and its ramifications can be a lot more interesting than a dystopic world, but you could have gone the giver route with this and revealed the rot at the core of a world pretending to be perfect.

well, scythe does absolutely none of that. despite the fact that everybody is LITERALLY IMMORTAL, people still work, mostly jobs they dont even like. children go to school and are raised by their birth parents, a man and a woman. gay people exist and so do sentient robots? but neither concepts really get explored deeper than a throwaway mention, and a joke. Now, i think it could be really interesting to explore a society thoroughly frozen in a 21st century late capitalistic state, but scythe does not do that. the book takes place hundreds, possibly even thousands of years into the future and Nothing Has Changed.

I have some lore based gripes with the book, the way the scythes and their reason for existing is just not explained at all, the offhanded genocide mention, and all that but in all fairness im yet to read the second book (i will have to viki is making me) so maybe they explain all of this then.

What really does bother me though, is why do death like this? People kill themselves for fun in the world of scythe, why not just let them die? scythes are explicitly forbidden from killing people who ask them to do so. this is a world where individiual choice has been completely taken away from people, except for a select group of a few hundred who have the absolute power of gods, and cannot even be controlled by the benevolent god-king-mother AI, the thunderhead. why not use the nanobots in peoples bodies to choose who lives or dies? why not limit the number of resurrections somebody can have? why let the scythes choose who they kill and how they kill them? why let them grant immunity to people?

I think much of this book is politically uninteresting and borderline stupid at points, especially the thunderhead. the way its completely unquestioned and thought to be benevolent and perfect above all else is just absolutely crazy, but lets run with it and say it does absolutely know what is best for humanity. why let people do the killing? maybe the second book will pull some insane twist on me that explains everything but i highly doubt it will

one note about the worldbuilding that annoyed me but isnt really significant: shit is just europe and america and whatnot with stupid fucking names. lazy as hell. if u just wanna keep shit as it is, do that. dont call things EuroScand or whatever. Also the racial dynamics are so bad in such an uninteresting way, like the book literally goes "race doesnt exist anymore everyone is like suuuper mixed except for this black dude who is evil and this mystical asian man. but everyone else. super racially ambigous"

THE CHARACTERS are bad also. rowan is so completely uninteresting i skimmed his chapters for lines where anybody else spoke, citra has a tiny bit more depth but not by a lot. their romance just so completely does not work, and listen. i am ready to accept that they were into dying for eachother after hanging out for like a month and kissing one time. i love unreasonable unstoppable romance. they had NO chemistry. they hated each other when they first met, for no reason at all, and then suddenly they were in love. barely spoken to each other for 2 months and then rowan is making a vow to die for her.

scythe faraday and scythe curie are much more interesting people, but scythe faraday goes away for 2/3rds of the book and curie isnt allowed to be anything interesting before citra basically ditches her. the fact they were involved doesnt come out of nowhere, but i would have appreciated a little more on that because it was way more interesting.... why arent the scythes allowed to date each other anyways. seems like an incredibly stupid rule. theyre immortal. theyre not jedi. yet another nonsensical worldbuilding detail

goddard and his crew were one dimensional and boring, it would have been great and interesting if he was actually charming and charismattic and succeeded in winning rowan over, but instead of that happening the book tells you that he is charming and charismatic while only shows him being awful and unpleasant. volta was kind of fun and interesting but his suicide didnt hit hard enough due to the fact that he and rowans friendship barely existed, neal shusterman is bad at writing character relationships jesus christ

THE PLOT AND WRITING were really fucking bad. virtually nothing happens for the majority of this book. citra fleeing the scytheguard should have taken up way more time than it did, as it was one of the only fun and engaging parts of the book. instead of that we get endless scenes of rowan seeing goddard be evil, citra walking around doing nothing and generally things not happening. way more time spent on training sequences than was strictly neccesary, and too little time spent on explaining anything that was happening or characters spending time together.

The chapters didnt flow extremely well, the pov switches were annoying and would happen multiple times on one pages, sometimes in the same paragraph. too many important worldbuilding details were glossed over in favour of scenes of rowans man pain or just kind of random irrelevant bullshit. there were a ton of characters who didnt really end up mattering, because the book was so badly spaced out. i would have loved spending a bit more time with scythe mandela for example who ended up mattering actually a ton for the final couple chapters, but no because rowan needs to be tortured again or something!

Every plot complication and twist was resolved instantly, leaving you no space to try and figure it out for yourself, no tension or anything. the ones that werent were so easy to figure out that it also left you with no tension. scythe faraday dead? no he isnt! citra is cornered by a scythe on the bullet train? dont worry, she has help from a random guy. even the ending was like this. will rowan die because citra was chosen to become a scythe instead of him? dont worry, she gives him immunity and this has no consequences for her whatsoever. they were talking about putting her in forever jail just 5 chapters ago, but its fine she is allowed to become a full fledged scythe. will they at least jail rowan until his immunity is up? dont worry, he is batman now and hes fled due to his perfect skills in everything he is so sexy you guys

VERDICT: dont read this book its bad. really bad. i will be back with the second one though, because viki is making me

@chevengurian ik u enjoy my sufferings here u go

[historia-vitae-magistras]

The Danegeld Axe

Part Four: Assets

First Installment: Here. Last Installment: Here. Current Installment: You are here! Next Installment: Here.

Author's note: Inspired by the 1950s short story "The Man Who Came Early" by Poul Anderson. This installment of the Viking-time-travel au sees government employees being stupid, Matthew Williams being less stupid and Arthur Kirkland finally snapping.

21st Century Washington DC Diplomatic Security Service

"Does the name Kirkland mean anything to you?"

"Costco brand home goods?" He grinned and slid a cup of shitty coffee to his executive branch counterpart. “Yeah, some aquaintance of my primary asset.”

“He’s your asset’s father, as far as anyone can tell.”

“Is that how they’re related? Huh. Good to know. The name has come up here and there.”

“Didn’t they tell you?”

“They don’t tell me shit. Everyone knows this is a cushy post. Keep the genius on board and try to keep his tinkering budget below world-ending for a couple of years. Do that, get one of the prestige posts overseas. Boom, career made. Jones hasn’t done anything but cooperate since I got here. What else did I need to know?”

“Yeah, well, he’s a well-connected genius. The father is old world money. And I mean old. The kind of money that's been bulking up interest since the crusades.”

"Jesus. Why do you ask?"

"He got wind you were looking for his other kid before he went missing."

“Matthew Williams was old European money? You’re not serious. He did grass with homeless guys in Stanley Park and drove a 78 Chevy. Everyone knows Alfred has got the brains and business sense.”

"As best anyone can tell, Alfred was probably conceived in Kirkland's navy days.”

Corcoran snorted. “Half of Boston is a Fleet Week baby.”

“Not an English fleet week, baby. No one knows. Williams was probably from Halifax or Arctic Command, maybe. No one knows their mother, if she's even the same one. They don’t live like old money, but the Kirklands spend way too much time around Downing Street to be nobodies, though.“

"There are more than one?”

“Three brothers at least. Unconfirmed but suspected sister somewhere in the mix.”

"So?"

"So tread carefully is all I'm saying. You’ve just lost his other kid on the ISS. And he’s bound to find out eventually.”

“I did what?”

British Embassy Washington D.C.

“What did you find?” Arthur sprang to his feet as soon as Matthew passed through the door. He hadn’t even gotten the fucking key out of the door before his father sprung on him.

“Nothing. Not a fucking thing. His place is in its usual state when he’s up there.” Complete chaos. Matt pressed his fingers into his temple, and the executive office and the state department were completely normal. Everything is normal. Nothing looks wrong. No one said anything. Nothing on the computers, nothing in the records.”

"Is your access still that high?”

“Of course not,” Matt snorted. “As far as the US government knows, I’ve been dead for about a year. I just use Alfred’s third set of back-ups.”

“How on earth—”

“Last time I took a northwoods sabbatical.”

“You mean the last time you had a mental breakdown and spent three months in the woods eating possum liver?"

“I prefer racoons thank you, and…” Matthew rubbed the back of his neck, preparing for the backlash. “Well, that was the second to last time.”

“What?” His father’s face was instantly furious and even more worrying, his father was concerned. “Matthew!”

He wasn’t having it. Not today. “I’m fine. I’m not the one missing from this mortal fucking plane. Point is, as far as the US government is concerned, I don’t exist.”

His father’s brain was working, his worry between Matthew standing before him and his firstborn clearly in conflict. Not on his face, never on his face, but Matthew knew what the slight flex of one hand meant. Alfred won. He always won. “And there’s no chance of them noticing? All that you’ve been doing?”

“What do you think?” Matthew snapped as he collapsed in a chair, and as fast as his temper had flared, it was gone. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled, feeling sick where there’d been a fire a moment ago. “Sorry.”

Arthur approached gently. “You didn’t sense anything?”

“Nothing.” He pressed his palms into his eyes. “Not a fucking thing. I woke up two nights ago feeling like this and it hasn’t changed.” The sick, cold feeling was back. It was like missing organs, or his skin, or half of himself. Maybe more than half of himself.

“You should sleep. You haven’t since I arrived.”

“I can’t sleep! I need answers.”

“We can’t get answers if you collapse on me. And we will get answers.” Matt hadn’t cried so far, but Arthur pushed his hair off his face and tapped him under the jaw in that affectionate ‘chin up, lad’ sort of way, and he couldn’t stop himself. His eyes itched, but he would not cry. Instead, he buried his face in his father’s shoulder, pressing his forehead hard enough to hurt. It was pathetic. He was grown. But he couldn't bring himself to care. Alfred was lost, and his entire body felt so wrong, with only his frosted fields and forests and none of the blast of noise and life that was his brother.

“You know what? Fuck this. I brought your good knife. Let's get answers.”