#so how much of it is PAID. OFF. in the conclusion of that quest has once again convinced me

[tokidokifish]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Baldur's Gate (Video Games) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Astarion (Baldur's Gate)/Original Character(s), Astarion/Tav (Baldur's Gate) Characters: Astarion (Baldur's Gate), Tav (Baldur's Gate) Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Fluff, Declarations Of Love, Self-Worth Issues, Baldur's Gate 3 Spoilers, (a lil bit but we're in the late-game here folks) Series: Part 3 of Still You Breathe Summary:

“The world is a miserable place, merely uncaring at best and actively cruel far more often.”

Astarion blinks, startled all over again. “Well. That’s a change from last night, darling.”

They hum, and step closer. “What you’re wrong about is me.”

—

After the spawn attack, Trivial has some things to clarify.

~~

i had,,, a lot of feelings,,, i needed to get out,,,

[mittch22]

I feel the need to draw attention to the plight of this poor bastard at the start of Cars 2.

Crabby is approached by a random-ass Aston Martin at a dock on the west coast of America, given a set of coordinates and is paid what I assume would have been quite a considerable sum of money to take said Aston out there. A strange situation indeed, made even stranger when you realise just how far Finn, or 'Buddy' asks Crabby to take him. When Crabby says "you can't get any further away from land than out here", he really fuckin meant it:

The coordinates put them almost smack bang in the middle of the pacific ocean. (and before you come for me, the bottom set of coordinates are correct, the ones that are displayed in Cars 2 have not had their decimals converted to minutes and seconds) Now, at this point, Crabby isn't asking too many questions. And his confusion must have hit what he thought was an all time high.

Then big chungus rocks up:

Tony Trihull, a heavily armed combat vessel, glides right up along side the tiny little crabbing boat and blocks him off from further venture. And when Crabby shows him his resistance, Tony threatens to sink him with a lazer guided missile launcher. At this point, Crabby relents and begins meandering back in the direction he came from (I do have to hand it to Crabby here, he's one fearless little ocean dweller).

So, Crabby has just been sent out into the centre of the pacific ocean with no logical answer as to why AND been threatened with being blown up AAAAAND, to top it all off with a delectable trauma cherry:

"Sorry, Buddy. Looks like its the end of the line.......... Buddy?"

'Hang on a minute. Where the hell is my four-wheeled, non-floating passenger!?!?!?' Aka, 'Did I just kill someone?'

Fear and panic would have taken over the mega-confusion of Finn's reasoning for his watery trip. 'Where did he go? How did he 'go'? There's nowhere for him TO go. Did he fall over the edge? Was he just a figment of my imagination? Hang on a minute, did I just help someone kick the bucket???'

Can you IMAGINE the horrific thought patterns that would have followed the realisation that 'Buddy' was no longer on board? Crabby is not aware of Finn's gadgets and capacities, and so, in his mind, there is no other possibility other than the death of the Aston Martin. Cue the hefty therapy bill.

I like to think that Finn is a bit of an empath and would have thought about how this situation would have affected Crabby. And I like to think that he would have found a way to let Crabby know that he was still around and kicking. Maybe after the mission had come to its conclusion. It would still leave Crabby with a plethora of questions. However, at least he would have known that he wasn't responsible for the death of a random and rather strange vehicle.

PS - Day jobs being performed in darkness are much easier to explain than evidently idiosyncratic night quests.

[lineffability]

style, flair, and a head of red hair – she’s the nanny?!

oneshot. 5k. human au. the story of how crowley becomes a nanny. no, not that one. the other one. the fine type. this fic was inspired by @densewentz and this stunning piece of The Nanny/Crowley art that blew my socks clean off. i had to write it.

She is entirely perfect and utterly boring.

Aziraphale Edenson, ever the picture of perfect pleasantry, has recited three consecutive poems in his mind while she's been speaking, and he could almost swear one of them had been the entirety of Ginsburg's Howl. He can't be certain, as he's drifted. In front of him, the Mary Poppins palimpsest is finishing her impassioned speech that had begun somewhere in her childhood only to end, in a satisfying narrative conclusion, he is sure, in the childhood of Warlock, his unexpected teenage protegé, and somehow between those two childhoods she had also wedged in his, Aziraphale's, childhood too, though he isn't sure quite how that is possible. It seems she has done her research rather thoroughly. 

It is not polite to interrupt people, so Aziraphale does not. He smiles, he nods at the right moments, and he offers more tea, and then he ushers her to the front door with perfect manners only to say, in one last moment of mental impasse, "Well, thank you so very much, Mrs Poppins, I will be sure to contact you by the end of the week. It has been so very lovely to meet you."

It only occurs to him half an hour later why her smile had faltered, and he smacks his hand to his forehead, producing a noise that sounds very much like oh, bugger. 

A string of interviews follow this initial one, and after a fortnight, Aziraphale gives up. It’s not that the applicants are unsuited: rather the opposite, their credentials battle each other for excellence: if one has twenty years of experience in royal nanny service, the next will present a doctoral degree in Nannyology straight from Harvard. After all, Villa Eden is not only a beautiful and prestigious estate in the nicest part of London, but he offers a pay check that the best paid nanny in the world might have envied, promptly losing her her title. An honest wage for honest work, he thinks, and he certainly does not know what to do with a twelve year old boy. So if someone does, money shall not be the issue. 

The thing is: hiring a nanny is… it’s like selling books. Aziraphale is selfish. Aziraphale does not want to hire a nanny. He does not want to share his space, his routines, his library, his home. He can do it for Warlock, for a few months, because it is the right thing to do. He does not love it. But he likes the kid enough. Especially because his parents… well, they don’t. Not properly, not like they should, and that is enough for Aziraphale to feel a bristling sense of injustice, and a burning desire to bestow the boy with a love that might not live up to the parental ideal, but make him feel safe and liked and cared for, at least. 

So maybe he has to hire the Mary Poppins nanny, after all, to help him realize his wish, to support him in his quest, to breach the friendly but unbreachable rift between the old, reclusive neighbor and the bright, young boy that has been parked here by his parents, like a pet, while they are away for travel for half a year. Aziraphale huffs. 

He stares out the window of his conservatory, but can’t make out the expanse of his glorious estate. That’s because it is cloudy and gray and rainy and grim, and also winter, which might have something to do with it. Darkness has settled over the hill and his mansion like a heavy blanket. His clock chimed five not a minute ago, and yet it is already pitch-dark. Aziraphale likes winter. It grants you more alone time that needs not be justified as much as during other seasons. The weather today suits his mood. With a grim face, he makes up his mind to hire the nanny. 

In a dramatic last minute coincidence not at all necessitated by the narrative, the doorbell rings precisely in the moment Aziraphale starts to dial the number on the resumé.  

Aziraphale puts the receiver back down. He walks to the main entrance. 

(He does not believe in servants: for the same reason that he does not believe in nannies.)

When he opens the door, it takes him a moment to make sense of the picture of personified misery he is presented with. 

“Cosmetics,” the picture of misery says. 

“Excuse me?”

[continue reading]

[villainanders]

agh i wanna hear about your cousland so bad!! what kind of person is she what’s her relationship w sir gilmore why did she side w the templars 👀👀

ahh i hadnt checked my askbox in a few days so just saw this but thank you for asking anon i love you!!

her name is roisin cousland and she's been very fun to play so far bc i didn't have much of a vision for her at the start beyond "cousland who marries Alistair but has leliana as her mistress at the end". (also this picture - the source of which i cannot find its from pinterest - which made me go FUCK i need to start my cousland playthrough) so seeing the way she's been developing has been very fun.. she starts out as, while very capable and a talented warrior and seemingly cool under pressure, deeply privileged and frankly naive about the reality of the world. she sees no reason why she can't live a charmed life as a ladyknight and eventually a great lady in her own right!

of course this all comes crashing down in the most horrific way imaginable in her origin as she suddenly basically realizes that she has been in an entirely different genre than she believed. you thought this was chivalric romance? this is dark fantasy bitch! this fucked up world ate everyone she ever loved so she needs to bite back, and hard, before it eats her too. basically roisin is grappling -- and badly so -- with how brutal she needs to be survive in a world that is fundamentally unjust beyond anything she imagined. that's why she sides with the templars -- she doesn't want to see the mages hurt, but she saw horrors beyond comprehension in the tower and imagines that a response that echoes that same swiftness and brutality must be the only way to respond.

but at the same time she's still kind of naive and getting used to living outside of her nobility bubble.. funniest part of this playthrough was when they met bandits on the road and i realized she would not realize she was being robbed so she just earnestly paid their tax not realizing how weird it was or how expensive it was. (it's one highway tax, alistair, what could it cost? 500 silver?)

i'm still playing in relatively early stages of the game so I'm not totally sure where this is going from here, though i imagine she's going grow past this stage of her grief and understand that mercy and hope have their place as well (this is making me realize it might be cool to do the dalish quest last so making peace can be the conclusion to that arc... hmmm) but we shall see where it goes. right now I'm obsessed with her dynamic with zevran they make me laugh every time they talk because roisin only let him live bc she was fresh out of ostagar (s/o to zev asap mod) and having just witnessed a SECOND brutal betrayal with unimaginably bloody consequences, was really starting to settle into "the only way to save the world is to start REALLY playing dirty. even if it means working with this awful reprehensible assassin. i might need someone this morally bankrupt to win" but ofc as she very slowly begins to start talking to zevran she starts to realize that assassin = evil is not as simple as she thought and that she unfortunately sees a lot of herself in this guy that seems so different from her. so i think that's going to be an important friendship in how she ultimately grows

as for her and gilmore, they were childhood friends growing up, but i think their relationship is probably going to break down a bit as time goes on. I'm still getting to know him via the mod, but the impression i have right now is that he's still very idealistic despite what he went through in highever, and i think it's going to upset and frustrate him to see someone he loves coping with the same thing in such an opposite way, in the same way it's currently pissing off roisin that he isn't drawing the same conclusions about the world from their experience that she did

[terraxcloud]

I was looking at cutscene videos to get images. It's still a bit too early to talk about Aerith/Zack stuff so I'll stay with Yuffie for now. There's an Aerith sidequest in Costa Del Sol called "Rendezvous in Costa Del Sol" where three girls make Aerith and Cloud go on a date for "inspiration".

Well, first off, I immediately noticed this.

Also may be tied to that moment where Cloud tells Yuffie to fish the Weapon for its materia, I guess (that was at the Corel reactor).

This sidequest is basically "what Cloud prefers in a date". It gives weirdly cryptic hints...

Rebirth has multiple Aerith & Cloud "dates" where all they do is realize how bad they go together (sorry, I didn't make the game). To summarize Aerith & Cloud's dialog towards each other in this one though:

Cloud's wants a simple date where he...just walks (on rooftops?).

He wants to get paid for this "job" rather than see it as a date.

He's not romantic (kinda, sorta mentioned in Yuffie's date, but what in the world happened in Tifa's date?).

He wants swimwear that allows him to fight underwater.

I think the three girls in this sidequest represent Aerith, Tifa, and Yuffie. I think the red-haired girl is Aerith, the blonde is Tifa, and the black haired one is Yuffie.

I guess the hints above show that. Tifa has a notable stare, Aerith has a connection with Red XIII, and Yuffie is all about the "make Cloud smile" bit.

That's all fine an dandy, but the reality is that The chocobo girl has a moogle on her shorts and the chocobo is full of 5-petaled flowers. It's also her's is the only one where Cloud fights anything.

The moogle on her shorts is probably being used the same way as that 2nd Crisis Core wagon that connects the dialog Zack has about his shared dream with Aerith to Dissidia.

Ironically, I thought the three hints they gave fit Yuffie more than the others (I've gone through the entire game, so maybe I know too much). There's two whole protorelic quests that star Cloud-Yuffie-Red XIII and Yuffie actually treats him like a dog. Also, Yuffie stares at Cloud a lot, so who's to say she's not blowing it out of the water here?

Also, all of Cloud's hints fit Yuffie, the one who wants to get paid in materia, who only cares about fighting, who "sucks at feelings", she walks on rooftops, etc. The epic conclusion of the FF7R trilogy is Yuffie? Decades of love triangle debates were very useful in finding this out.

Maybe Cloud is just not his real self yet to know what he wants, although he's supposed to get motion-sickness when he reaches that point...and there's only one other character with motion-sickness.

At the end the girls "hint" at who they represent. The red haired one mentions love (Aerith's thing), I think the blonde one is hinting at Barret with the shooting stuff (I guess that's their way at hinting Tifa), and the black haired one is above saying stuff Yuffie actually says.

This is only one sidequest tho`.

No, this one didn't have anything about Terra herself, sorry.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 309: Gotta Go My Own Way

Previously on BnHA: Muscular was all “well if it isn’t the protagonist on his solo journey of self-discovery, for some reason I’m unironically glad I get to fight you!” Deku was all “hey Muscular before I finish kicking your ass would you please take a moment to answer these two survey questions? Question one, do you regret being a total piece of shit? And question two, if you could do anything at all in the world other than being a total piece of shit, would you?” Muscular was all, “pfft, no and no.” Deku was all, “thanks buddy, your feedback helps make me a better hero, here’s a coupon for fifteen percent off your next ass-whooping.” Then he whooped his ass.

Today on BnHA: Deku is all “what up All Might can you believe you’ve been here this entire time?” All Might is all “I sure can since that’s literally my catch phrase, anyway how are your magic movie 1 gauntlets holding up?” Deku is all “they’re holding up fine, how are Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist doing?” Hawks, Endeavor, and Best Jeanist are all “we, your fellow co-conspirators, are also doing fine, thanks for asking!” Flashback!Deku is all “anyway so I secretly have All Might’s quirk and the most dangerous people in the world are after me, so sorry mom but that’s why I’m dropping out of school.” Inko is all “I CAN’T ACCEPT THAT” while totally accepting it. All Might is all “I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO GO ALONG WITH IT SINCE I DON’T FEEL LIKE TRYING TO STOP HIM.” Hawks, Jeanist, and Endeavor, as previously mentioned, are all “yeah that sounds like a good plan”, and Gran is all “see ya kid, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” So basically everyone in the entire world has suddenly teamed up with Deku to defeat AFO, except for the one person whose entire foreshadowed endgame is “teaming up with Deku to defeat AFO.” O Kacchan where art thou.

dear tumblr image limit: okay look. you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. but just as an experiment, I’m gonna try writing this recap with as few images as possible and we’ll see how it goes

(ETA: spoilers for how it went: it didn’t, lol.)

oh my god WHY ARE WE OPENING WITH MORE KETSUBUTSU ACADEMY KIDS.ffs we’d better at least finally get some Ms. Joke content out of this

(ETA: seriously who do I have to bribe.)

so these two KB kids who no one cares about are watching Deku leap away from the scene after dispatching Muscular. but more importantly wtf is this chapter title omg. “I can’t stay being a child” so that’s how it is huh. we’re gonna have feels and we’re going to like them. well then

oh my god he’s hauling Muscular away dhfksklfkh okay this is gonna have to be our first image because I can’t fucking help myself. look at this

just. Deku is so tiny and he’s carting away this massive unconscious lump of a man like it’s nothing why is this so funny to me. it’s like when people buy furniture, and they don’t want to pay extra for delivery and so they’re like, “I can definitely fit this king-sized mattress in the back of my compact sedan if I fold the fucking seat down, idk.” and they refuse to be talked out of it, and the next thing you know you’re watching them drive home with their open trunk door haphazardly tied down with bungee cords, and somehow it fucking works. because it turns out the compact sedan has super strength

anyway for SOME REASON now Horikoshi is all “have fun with that Deku, meanwhile we now return you to your regularly scheduled SHINDOU CONTENT” whyyyyyy

look at this. we’re really using up a whole fucking entire page on everyone arguing over who gets the honor of carrying Shindou

love how the civilians are all, “shit lol is this actually our fault?? quick, how do we play this off all casual like we were the reasonable parties here all along”

turns out all it took to finally get them to listen was making them watch while a kid got his insides ground into a pulp because of their stupidity!! what a heartwarming conclusion to this little standoff

anyways THANK GOD we’re cutting back to Deku now!! well actually we’re cutting back to Muscular who is being dropped off at the police precinct, good bye and good riddance lol

so Deku’s leaving him there and bounding away and okjdlSKFJLKJDSL OH MY GOD

no fucking way. no fucking way this little jaunt is All Might-sanctioned and approved. are you serious?? then who else is in on this?? what the hell is going on

so All Might is just WAITING FOR HIM IN AN ALLEY FFF WHO ARE YOU, JIM GORDON. or would Alfred be a better analogy here?? but like, Alfred if he ditched the suit for a moto jacket and shades

this new ensemble of All Might’s may or may not severely impact my ability to take this forthcoming conversation seriously; please stand by

also, quite the spectacular landing there, Deku. seriously lol what was that

“HOW ARE YOUR LIMBS” “THANKS TO YOU THEY’RE COMPLETELY FINE” I’M SORRY WHAT

LOL WHAT. “THANKS TO THE POWER OF THESE MAGIC GLOVES” OH I SEE THAT EXPLAINS IT

are these the same gauntlets from the first movie, then? well that’s all well and good, except that now there’s going to be more Deku Discourse than fucking ever lol. so if it’s all the same to you guys, I’m gonna once again go ahead and declare this week’s post a discourse-free zone, at least when it comes to the specific discourse of Deku’s merits as a MC, and the impact that him kicking ass and having working arms has on said merits. this has been something of a low mental energy week for me, so I’d rather reserve the energy I do have for more fun topics, such as All Might’s bitchin�� leather jacket

anyway so All Might’s saying that the gauntlets will help reinforce Deku’s arms, but they can’t withstand OFA at 100%. so basically it’s a support item designed to maintain the status quo lol. we’re basically in the same situation we were before, arm-capability-wise

homg All Might’s getting a call. time to see who else is in on Operation: Deku Alone?? or not so alone for that matter

omg

HI HAWKS, WHERE ARE YOUR WINGS

(ETA: seriously are they really gone for good?? why would he even be back on active duty then?? does he have his own American ex-boyfriend who can hook him up with exclusive support items?? dammit Horikoshi we want answers.)

looks like Jeanist and Endeavor are teaming up as well, just like they said they would. I would gladly follow this trio around all day long tbh

is this the same giant villain from the very first chapter??

looks like it to me, and it would tie in with that callback from the end of chapter 306. we all thought that was Muscular, but maybe it was this guy, and Deku left these three to deal with him while he ran off to take Muscular down

oh my god now Deku is running off again just like that

kids these days

ffffff I have not had nearly enough sleep to follow along with whatever tf Hawks is talking about here sob

like, is he trying to say that All Might is keeping Deku’s whereabouts unknown to anyone except for him?? in order to keep him safe?? but Hawks is pointing out that that’s a bad strategy and probably won’t do shit against AFO and it’s better if he lets Deku work with the rest of them?

(ETA: so @hanashimas​’ translation makes a lot more sense -- it’s not All Might who’s being overprotective, but Deku. in other words he’s trying not to drag All Might into his battles. and in addition Hawks is saying that their strategy is to take the offensive and go after AFO themselves rather than wait for him to come to them. which I’m not too sure about myself, but that’s another topic for another day.)

btw I can’t help thinking how much better this entire conversation would be if All Might was still wearing his sunglasses. put them back on my dude. it’s not too late. embrace your inner badass

DKLJSLDKFJL FLASHBACK ALERT, FUCKING FINALLY

“turns out, we were just trying to scare you straight. fuck lot of good that did though lol”

also what is this. one true love: the hospital bed. is that a scanlator joke or is Horikoshi actually that funny omg

SKLJDFLJLK

ITSA ME!! omg I love this hospital so much. though it’s sure not helping me in my quest to try and keep this post below ten images. I’m already up to eleven haha r.i.p. to me if tumblr doesn’t get its shit together

whaaaaaat, so he’s saying that Deku’s injuries were external (i.e. Tomura beating the shit out of him) rather than internal this time?? whaaaaat. excuse me but that’s some bullshit lmao. believe me, I was there

okay now he’s going on to explain that Deku’s “internal structure” seems to have been protected from the inside and out, and the corresponding panel seems to be implying that using Blackwhip as a brace paid off. huh

and also that his body is just stronger now?? so I guess he’s better able to withstand the quirk after an additional year of training?? I’M NOT SURE IF I BUY ANY OF THIS LOL but I’m willing to suspend my disbelief

OH MY GOD RED ALERT, INKO IS ASKING ALL MIGHT TO EXPLAIN WTAF DEKU’S QUIRK IS, IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGG

SO HE’S EXPLAINING IT TO HER OFF-SCREEN, AND INKO IS JUST LIKE

I GUESS THAT’S FAIR LOL. IT’S TRUE INKO I’M SO SORRY, YOUR SON IS A PROGATONIST R.I.P.

AHHKKJH DEKU ANGST IS IT FINALLY THAT TIME OMGGGGGG

what is this soft pop beat that’s suddenly being pumped in over the speakers. I’VE GOT TO MOVE ON~ AND BE WHO~ I~ AM~~~, I JUST DON’T BELONG HERE, I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAAAAAAAND. also, follow-up question, when is Kacchan finally going to come back so he can jump in with the “WHAT ABOUT US~~~” bridge, huh. come the fuck on, Horikoshi

lmao All Might jesus christ

but given that it’s a stupid-ass decision...

anyway, yes!! finally that sweet, sweet “I don’t want to put anyone else in danger” angst!!

mmm that’s good angst Brent. Kacchan with center panel honors as usual, you love to see it. anyways though who do I have to yell at to get Deku a goddamn HUG around here seriously

so Inko is of course reacting with panic, and sensibly saying that she doesn’t approve of Deku’s “RUN AWAY AND FIGHT THE BAD GUYS ALL ON MY OWN, DON’T WORRY MOM I’LL JUST GET STRONGER, EASY AS PIE, IT’S A FOOLPROOF STRATEGY” plan

son of a bitch this manipulative green asshole is really gonna sit here and smile fondly at his mom and try to convince her that he’s Not A Little Kid Anymore. the hell you’re not mister

y'all are really just gonna sit there and let him talk you into this?? surely it can’t be that easy??

OH MY GOD

THE FEELS oh my god oh my god. BUT ALSO YOU’RE SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO COLLAPSE INTO HIS ARMS SOBBING AND LET HIM DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS LKJLJLFK. WHERE ARE ALL THE STRICT PARENTS AT?? AIZAWA, GANG ORCA, MITSUKI, SOMEONE PLEASE COME AND TELL DEKU TO SIT HIS ASS THE FUCK DOWN. NOW LISTEN HERE YOUNG MAN!!

“EVEN IF I TRY TO STOP YOU YOU’LL STILL LEAVE” WELL SURE, IF BY “TRY TO STOP HIM” YOU MEAN POLITELY TRY TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT FOR THREE SECONDS. HE’S SIXTEEN WTF WHEN DID HE BECOME THE BOSS OF YOU ALL. SOMEONE NEEDS TO COME AND TELL HIM HE’S GROUNDED

anyway sob so that’s the story of how Deku talked his parents into letting him drop out of school, and even convinced All Might to be his own personal Guy In The Chair. holy shit. this kid really went and rolled a nat 20 and the rest of them had no choice but to fold without argument

meanwhile here’s a panel of Best Jeanist trying to braid his phone into his hair just cuz

I’m dying to know which part of his language he considers to be crude here. you literally didn’t even use a contraction my guy

so now flashback!Deku is talking to Gran in the dark, and Gran is all “can you believe I’m not fucking dead yet lol that’s too funny. anyway, you sure I can’t interest you in killing Tomura after all?? no?? okay then here’s my cape.” truly a heartwarming scene

I’m kind of torn here tbh. on the one hand, my adhd ass wasn’t all that interested in sitting down and having an extended scene between these two when there’s so much else that I want to get to. but on the other hand, even I can admit that cramming this entire reunion into a single page seems just a BIT rushed. idk. like maybe someone can let Horikoshi know it’s a marathon and not a race. Deku didn’t even get any dialogue here, some of us want to know his thoughts!! but anyway

AND JUST LIKE THAT?!

how did all four of them let him con them into this. I literally just watched it happen and I still can’t figure out how. “I GUESS THIS SIXTEEN-YEAR-OLD HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT IS OUR LEADER NOW” ffflfjf. when Aizawa finds out he’s gonna go apeshit. AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON BAKUGOU KATSUKI, WHO I HAVE BEEN ASSURED DOES IN FACT STILL EXIST. WHAT ABOUT USSSSS, WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH. WHAT ABOUT TRUST???! YOU KNOW I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOUUUUU

btw lol don’t get me wrong, I am enjoying this, and I’m honestly glad Deku’s not alone because that would suck for him! but that said, Hawks and Jeanist have lost any credibility they might have once had as far as being The Responsible Ones, and as for All Might and Endeavor, fucking hell lol. everyone just deposited all of their fucks in a bank somewhere for safekeeping and decided to never look back. godspeed you mad lads

[docholligay]

The Green Knight: A Ramble Through the Field of Honor

So I talked in an earlier post very glancingly about the line “Why greatness? Is goodness not enough?” and how it fits into the idea that Gawain has no idea what true greatness looks like, and I think, dovetailing into that, we kind of have to talk about how Gawain is...not a great guy. 

And I’m not even talking about the way we begin the movie with him in a brothel, though I am going to use that to spring off here and talk about his conduct toward Essel. Knightly stories are full of these ideas of chivalry particularly around women, and I think Lowery is using Essel to make the point that Gawain is not doing that, not even remotely. Essel is a working girl, sure, but she’s also, as its shown throughout the movie, devoted to him, and cares for him far beyond his ability to provide for her. She even tells him that she has his gold, when she asks to be his lady, but she wants very simple things--to sit by his side at the fire, and have his ear, and be his lady. In full fairness to Gawain, I suppose, he never pretends even for a moment that he has any intention of doing that. Gawain is not interested in whatever he might owe her, because in seeking his greatness he utterly passes by this goodness. 

We see this again in “A Kindness” where he repeatedly tells the scavenger that he is “Just passing through” when asked if he is a knight, not dodging the question, exactly, but allowing the scavenger to think this untrue thing. The scavenger talks about how he has brothers out there, the wide field of bodies like the fallen trees, showing us the lumber that Camelot is built upon, but Gawain does not have a moment for sympathy or pause. He fails to see this kid as a human being, and the narrative allows us to glance over it too, fixated in the same way Gawain is on the destination and not the journey. 

Even when he is given instructions about how to get to the Green Chapel, when it’s been shown he has only the roughest sketched ideas of the way--and we can argue that the instructions may be false, but I’m not sure I think it matters--all he offers this scavenger, this BOY, is his thanks, despite being told he’s lost his family, was almost lost himself. He has to be shamed into offering a single coin, when Excalibur itself was offered to him when he needed the help. 

This goes back to the idea of a test, and of Gawain’s repeated failures to have honor, to be great. He can’t see that mercy and generosity are a part of what it means to be a knight, to bear that mantle of goodness that I would argue underlies the knightly ideal. 

This is why, when he’s captured and his things taken from him, he asks for the GReen Chapel and is told, “You’re in it.” This is a test as surely as kneeling before the Knight himself, and he’s failed, not only the test of generosity, but of courage, as he pleads with them that he’s not a knight, and he never said he was, and it’s true, that he isn’t, and so he’s stripped of all the trappings that make him a knight--his horse, his arms, his shield--because if he will not behave a knight, if he will not meet the world with the courage and honor he’s meant to have, then he may as well have none of it at all. 

Gawain is pretty much a world-class fuckboy until the Tale of St. Winifred, until he truly connects with the natural impulse within him in the form of the fox (More on this in a much longer later post) 

The tale of St. Winifred is his chance to begin his redemption, really the first time that he’s been willing to take any real instruction on the nature of becoming a knight--he sure as shit could not be bothered to listen to Arthur--and so this is where he earns back the axe. He earns back the right to even have this quest in the first place. 

I don’t know how much the audience knows about the tale of St. Winifred, but the details are changed from the usual telling of the story in order to support the themes of the film.  St. Winifred is also, in one sense, a tale of beheading and of virtue. That in upholding her ‘purity,’ she lost her life and her head. This is why I think it’s not actually a foregone conclusion that Gawain is spared at the end--I think Lowery makes the point that sometimes our values must be paid for in blood. 

The flexible nature of honor is addressed directly in Winifred’s story. From the beginning, when she tells him not to touch her, that “a knight should know better,” there’s a sort of restarting the clock on his ability to be that knight. He just failed the last test, but as people, we are not who we are in one moment, whether that is terribly virtuous, or terribly cowardly, but the accumulation of who we are in all the moments. Each story is the chance to start again, and that’s why you’ll see so much menton of his being a knight at the start of each ‘section.’ It’s his chance to begin this anew. 

In that way of, just tell the audience what’s going on, when Winifred is telling her story, of a man who came and desired to lay with her, and says, ‘Perhaps he was thee,’ that’s not just speaking to the sense of circles and repetition of nature in the movie--though not unrelated--but the idea that Gawain could be that man, could still, in a sense, choose to be that man. That he can always fail this test, too. 

“If I go and get it, what will be my reward?”

It takes you aback, just for a moment, when he asks her that, until we realize that we were all asking ourselves that too. Reading into the traditions behind knights and saints, I think we’re used to the idea that a boon will be received for dong the right thing, and Lowery asks us to evaluate all that in Winifred’s reply:

 “Why would you ask me that? Why would you ever ask me that?” 

Harkening back to when he didn’t give the kid more than just a single coin, and telling him, “my thanks”--does he really have the right to ask for such a thing when he couldn’t manage to reward kindness himself-- but also the idea that honorable tasks should be taken up for their own sake, and not in order to have a reward. Can you truly be said to be acting with chivalry and honor if you’re doing it for a reward, or even notoriety? 

Going back to my larger theory that Lowery is trying to bring forth the idea in all of this that there is no such thing as being a “knightly” sort of person at rest, while still holding that the decisions of a moment can cement the sort of person we continue to be, it makes sense that he would ask if we can say Gawain passes this test, if Winifred regards him. 

“Now I can see thee,” she says, because this is a baptism of sorts, and being a saint, she can only see a soul in clarity. This is the direct opposite to the moment that Arthur tells him he has mud on his face, this is in direct opposite to his behavior with Essel, this is him doing the right and kind thing for a woman, without a thought to reward, and in that, he is cleaned, and Winifred can see what’s underneath, the sort of man he can be under what he’s accumulated. 

ANd this is why he gets back the axe. It gives him leave to continue his quest, even though just a bit earlier, when asked where he was going, he simply said, “home.” But the show of the axe let him know that honor was not yet lost to him, that there was still a chance to be the sort of person he might have been. 

WHich, by the way, does not makes things clear to him still. Life is not that simple, and I am very very resolute on my idea that a lot of what this movie is about is about the journey of our own lives to meet death and live with honor inasmuch as we can overcome our own cowardice and shitty behavior to do so, and even at the end of it all, about to meet the Green Knight, asked why he’s doing it, expressing that honor is why a knight does what he does, and then, pressed, says:

“Honor is a part of the life I want.” 

This is Lowery pretty firmly taking aim at the old Arthurian texts, wherein honor very often good be a sole raison d’etre, saying that for most of us--and I would argue the whole reason Gawain is a fuck up is that he’s meant to represent most of us--that isn’t enough. There needs to be something more. 

I also don’t think, for all I’ve talked about tests, that Gawain’s cowardice with the Green Knight had to be the end of the story. I think Essel’s pregnancy, and his cruelty, was a test. I think lying about what happened in the Green Chapel and accepting a knighthood was a test. I think there are multiple tests in that little interlude, but you see, the problem is, the more you do something, the more you’ll do it. As he makes these choices, this more and more becomes the man he is, as these choices stack up like stones, it gets harder and harder to knock down that wall. This is why his green sash--his cowardice--has become a physical part of him by the end of that interlude, bleeding as he draws it out. 

Honor isn’t set, and it isn’t enough. Life is a confusing journey, rife with difficulty to do the right thing with consistency not because of outside influence so much as ourselves. Gawain’s great antagonist in al of this is not the Green Knight, but himself. Such as it is for all of us, as we TRY to be good people, and risk sometimes redefining honor, or greatness, what it means to be “a knight” in order to convince ourselves that it might be true. 

“Is this all there is?” Gawain asks, before the axe is laid down, and I want to give Dev Patel a lot of credit here, though I’ve mostly been focusing on imagery and story. I’m not sure this would work as well if he hadn’t made it feel quite as human as it does, when he says it. It’s the question I think all of us ask, as we contemplate our own deaths, our own struggles to even up with what was right. Is there no way of knowing what comes next? 

Life is a series of tests. A measure of honor. And what else ought there be?

On Doc and The Green Knight

[natsubeatsrock]

Lower Your Expectations for Nalu

I'm going to start this post off more generously than I normally would. I don't have any real reason to. I just kind of want to reach some of the Nalu fans with this section. (Nalu fans probably shouldn’t want to read the rest.)

Generally speaking, it's better to lower your expectations for a ship becoming canon. That way, you are pleasantly surprised to see how it will happen. Sometimes a relationship should have more subtle canonization than a bombastic showing. If Mashima plans to make Nalu canon, we should be patient to see how it happens. It’s not impossible for Nalu to have some impressive showy way it becomes canon. However, it’s worth letting Mashima do his thing and let the chips fall as they may.

Alright, the kids are gone. Let's do this for real.

I've been running this blog for just over six years. You'd think that, at this point, it would be hard for me to be surprised by this fandom. I've seen all kinds of things happen, and that should be the case. I joined during a rather tenuous time where fandoms were more willing to go at it.

As it stands, the Nalu fandom is the gift that keeps on giving. Whenever I feel as though I can't think of anything else to say about this ship, something happens, and I'm brought back to writing about it. You'd think it would be me talking about how the ship functions in canon. However, fans seem willing to bend over backward to sing Nalu's praises.

I'd respect it if it weren't Nalu we're talking about. This might be one of the most overrated ships in anime. I'll never understand how most people who watch this series even passively wanted these two to become a couple. All the couples Mashima's written over the years, and this is the one he'll be judged for? (Also, maybe Gruvia, but we talked about that already.)

Still, I do have to give this some fandom credit. Mashima has taken nearly every possible opportunity to feasibly advance this ship since the Grand Magic Games ended (arguably even before that) and passed on doing much with it. On some occasions, it feels as though Mashima is directly mocking the idea that Nalu could possibly become canon. And yet, fans believe that Nalu will become canon at any moment because he draws a Twitter pic of them once every three months or so. (Yes, I did edit this sentence since Nalu Day. What of it?) 

Recently, I got an ask comparing the Nalu fandom to the MAGA crowd. I'm not personally vindictive enough against Trump or his supporters to affirm that comparison. Though, I can't act as if I haven't been thinking of an analogy to describe Nalu fans. I think a better comparison might be fans of the Dallas Cowboys. 

Cowboys fans seem to believe that their team can win the Super Bowl any season. That's not an inherently problematic perspective to take. You should hope that your team will do well. However, this often manifests itself in confidence that ignores the faults within individual Cowboys teams and the strength of their opponents. Not to mention, this ignores the objective fact that the Cowboys haven't done well in the playoffs for 25 years.

I don't think it's wrong for fans to believe that their ship will become canon. I don't know too many fans who wish their ship doesn't become canon. However, I always worry about the fans who believe their ship happening is an inevitability. Especially when things seem to be pointing away from the possibility of it happening. This is usually a recipe for toxic fandoms.

But, let me humor the idea for a moment.

What if Mashima really plans to make Nalu happen in the end?

As I'm writing this post,  we're currently in the middle of the fight between the third Dragon God. We're getting close to the real conclusion of that battle. But after that, there are two big arcs until the series truly ends. Three if they decide to have one last battle against the quest-giving dragon.

If Mashima's going to make Nalu canon, how would that work now?

There's the "realization" route. This is the one I probably see the most. Natsu and Lucy could come to the clear realization that they have come to love each other throughout the series. Of course, you'd have to imagine that whatever would bring this on is more powerful than thinking the other has died. 

Twice, throughout the series. 

Each.

On top of several other crazy things to happen to them over 600 chapters of material spanning a decade and a half. Yet, I'm supposed to believe that some random new moment will change the tide for Nalu.

The other way to do it is to have a confession. Either Natsu or Lucy decides to share with the other the fact that they are in love. Their feelings are reciprocated, and you can figure out the rest.

Depending on who you ask, we've almost gotten this a few times. Lucy's had a few opportunities to talk about her relationship with Natsu and has been fairly nice about it. A few times it's hinted that there might be more to their friendship but nothing concrete. I've even seen it hinted that Natsu was going to confess in chapter 545.

But, that's just it. We've only gotten hints at the possibility that there's more. If Natsu and Lucy actually like each other romantically, why not make it clearer earlier?

"It's because he's being subtle about their shared romantic feelings."

Yeah, I have reason to doubt that.

Jellal and Erza have feelings for each other implied throughout Fairy Tail. Sure there's explicit stuff like their meeting before the Grand Magic Games started. But there's been plenty of subtle stuff surrounding their relationship. People make hints at their potential romantic relationship all the time in canon, even as recent as the last arc.

I feel like I say this a lot when talking about Jerza. But really think about the arcs they're together in. There's Tower of Heaven, Nirvana, the Grand Magic Games, Tartarus, Alvarez Empire, and Aldoron. Their relationship is brought up or hinted at in Fantasia, Tenrou Island, Avatar, and Mercuphobia. While that looks like a large amount of material, Jerza doesn't take up much space in any of these arcs. Outside of the Grand Magic Games, Nirvana, and Alvarez, these are small moments between the two of them at best. Sometimes it's even less than that. And yet, the ship makes sense to the vast majority of the fandom.

But that might be an unfair comparison. Jellal and Erza have a history dating before the series started. 

Let's use a ship that involves characters that met after Natsu and Lucy. Gray and Juvia. (Wait, these guys again?)

The big thing with this ship has been how Gray feels about Juvia. We've known how Juvia feels about Gray literally since they met. However, we've seen Gray slowly change his views on Juvia. We didn't just jump from enemies to lovers. There was a subtle shift as the series went on.

Do you really think that Mashima couldn't do better with Natsu and Lucy? His main duo? The series is only possible because the two meet each other. But I'm supposed to believe that Mashima didn't want to make a Nalu romance seem more explicit?

If you were to ask me, the most likely route for Nalu now is a much less sexy option. If Nalu were to happen, it won't happen in a grand showing of affection. It will just... happen. We'll likely skip to some random point in time after they beat all the dragons and see them as a couple. Maybe we'll se an Earthland Nasha.

This isn't something anime/manga fans aren't used to. I know everyone likely thinks of a different series that has done this over the years. People will rag on series like Naruto and Bleach for doing this. For what it's worth, I do like both of those series and their endgame ships. 

That said, I have two problems with this option. 

First, Nalu doesn't have the kind of setup that those other ships have. You're not getting characters openly confessing before a fight. You're not getting two characters flustered over the prospect of feelings suggested to each other. Heck, you're not getting a "Silver Ray" situation.

"What about those times when Lucy was asked if she likes Natsu?"

Again, Lucy's not openly agonizing over that as part of their relationship. If this was something we were supposed to seriously consider as an option for her, we'd know.

Even then, this would only show that it's one-sided. Natsu hasn't had any similar moments where he considers liking Lucy. Anyone bringing up the waterfall scene is speculating at best. Do you really expect me to believe that Mashima will change that this far into the series?

But this doesn't even get into the second problem. Is this how you'd want Nalu to become canon? 

I've said this before, but Nalu has been expected to become canon for close to a decade. That almost feels like an exaggeration. But one of the big chapters I usually point to for Mashima potentially making Nalu more overt is Lucy Fire. That chapter turned ten years old this past March.

Nalu fans have been inventing all kinds of scenarios and situations about how Mashima will make their favorite ship happen. Wouldn't it be disappointing for fans to see that this ship would happen without any of the pomp and circumstance you'd expect a ship like this to get?

I know plenty of people who were disappointed when their favorite ship just became canon without a lot of lead-up. I didn't love getting to the end of Bleach without knowing more about how Ichigo and Orihime got together. Yes, I know the novels exist, but I (literally) paid to read the manga. I'd like to have seen it happen in the manga. (This could be about Naruto, but I only own The Last.)

This is why I believe Nalu fans should lower their expectations. Do you know the fantasy fans have for Nalu happening? Natsu and Lucy finally being hit with the overwhelming realization they love each other? A tearful confession of their feelings for each other capped with a kiss? All of their friends cheering them on, knowing they should have been a couple a long time ago? Maybe even a glimpse at their wedding and their future kid?

Congratulations, that was Rave Master's main couple. Don't expect the same thing for Nalu. If Nalu will happen, it will look much more disappointing than what fans believe it will look like.

At this point, I'm even not sure that Nalu will happen. Mashima has made every version of Nalu look more romantic except the original. I can't apologize for my skepticism on its prospects. Even actual Nalu fans are worried about if it will happen. I will enjoy seeing more of this salt in the future.

Now, there's one question you might be asking of me. How will I react to Nalu happening?

I don't have some back-pocket post prepared in case Nalu does happen. Heck, I thought of making one but ended up writing this post instead. 

However, I have been wrong about future events of Fairy Tail in the past. If I'm wrong and Mashima does make Nalu canon, then I'll talk about it. I highly doubt it will make me like the series less. It certainly won't affect anything I'm doing with the rewrite, given my rules for changes. Consider that I've been able to talk about Gruvia negatively at this point in the series. I'll absolutely continue to talk smack about Nalu if it ends up canon. 

That said, I have reason to believe that I'm right about the direction Nalu will take. And if I'm right, don't expect my tone on Nalu to stay the same. At the very least, I can promise a third Nalu edition of "My Incredibly Unpopular Thoughts" if Nalu doesn’t happen. I haven't done one in years and I can't think of a better way to celebrate the ship dying once and for all.

[kyasarinkishinuma]

Being Caesar's sister would include... (2/2) [Part 3 spoilers!]

As promised! Also, you guys can feel free to use my OC stand Viper's Shiver for your JJBA stuff. Just kindly credit me, thank you.

Part 1/2

Rewind time. After your parting from Joseph in 1939, you headed back home and spend the following years taking care of your remaining family as best as you could. You worked your ass off to get the money to afford them a roof, food and proper education.

Once the youngest sibling has spread their wings, though, you find yourself considerably more aged and slightly lost. You had dedicated your whole life to your family, and now you had all parted ways to start your individual lives. And Caesar's absence haunted you still, years later.

As a result, you decide to seek a new purpose. Leaving the house to your family, you leave for what will be a lifetime's worth of travelling. All you bring with you is essential things and Caesar's headband.

You choose to disguise yourself as a man during your travels, hiding your hair and flattening your chest using bandages. That way, your beauty will attract less attention. As a result, even after so many years of meeting countless amounts of people, you never find anyone to settle down with.

Although, during your voyage, you do discover a great companion.

Your Stand emerges when you end up at the wrong place, at the wrong time. You find yourself in the middle of an ugly alley fight in Poland when suddenly, the approaching gangsters fall to the ground, screaming in agony. Thick icicles protrude from their faces and blood gushes from their odd wounds. And there's a hissing sound from your shoulders...

It takes a while for you to understand what Viper's Shiver is, and for you to accept it. Your Stand takes the shape of a ice-pale snake that can project different forms of ice from its mouth. It can also render itself longer or shorter, thicker or thinner, on your command.

At first, you conclude Viper's Shiver is your brother's spirit. After all, it uses a form of H20, just like Caesar had, and it protects you. You start wearing Caesar's headband around your arm to show him you acknowledge his presence.

For the longest time, you believe in this conclusion, especially given that no one else can see Viper's Shiver. Well, until you meet another Stand user, decades later...

Both the young Frenchman and you are shocked into awe when you first stumble across each other in Paris. You can see each others' Stands!

Your battling skills are put to the test when you two engage in a fight. However, given your lack of fighting experience and Silver Chariot's speedy close-range attacks, you are forced to admit defeat.

Once you two recover from your initial adrenaline high, Polnareff and you talk things through and realize you're both good guys. You two simply have the same ability to summon Stands. This is when you start to doubt that Caesar is Viper's Shiver. Such a thought leaves you more lost and lonely than ever.

Upon getting to know Polnareff, you realize you have more in common than you thought. You both lost a loved one and live restlessly in their absence.

Given that you're both loners, you two part eventually, heading your own ways to chase your respective goals. However, you keep in touch, having become good friends in what little time you spent together.

That is how you're able to pick out his odd behaviour when he suddenly leaves for Hong Kong.

You're quite intrigued as you watch your friend Polnareff approach a group of complete strangers in the restaurant in Hong Kong.

And then, you're utterly confused when you discover that they're all Stand users.

Even though you don't understand what's going on, you're able to tell, thanks to the Stardust Crusaders, that Polnareff is not in his right mind. As a result, you help them take him down, using Viper's Shiver's long-range attacks to your advantage as you help from a hidden spot.

Of course, once Polnareff is dealt with, the men start to search for you, sensing your presence. You're smart enough to understand that you're far too outnumbered to fight. So, you decide to escape while you can, telling yourself you'll come back for Polnareff.

But a voice stops you right in your tracks. "Wait! Is... Is that you, (Y/N)?"

You'd recognize that voice anywhere.

Joseph and you are overjoyed to see each other after so many years! You two have paid each other visits, of course, but the last time you've seen him was when his grandson was born, 17 years ago.

And... Oh boy. That tall, shady-looking man there is his grandson? Good grief, he has grown!

Much like Polnareff, you choose to join the quest to take Dio down. Joseph is like family to you. His family is your family, and you'll do anything to help.

You end up being the caring person in the group. Despite the hurry to get to Egypt, you're able to sense it when the boys start to get tense and you try your best to help them relax by offering to treat yourselves to some good food and by being someone they can count on.

Your Stand's ice abilities also help a lot in the dessert. It helps cool the group down from time to time.

When Kakyoin's eyes are injured, you end up staying by his side at the hospital. You all agreed it'd be best if someone stayed with him in case some enemy stands were sent after him. The boys are overjoyed when the two of you come back to offer a helping hand!

In the ultimate battle against Dio, you end up participating in the ambush plan on Dio. While Polnareff, Jotaro and Joseph and Kakyoin will attack from either side, you'll attack from overhead.

However, that plan falls into ruins. Upon seeing your friend Kakyoin, brutally murdered by Dio, you feel yourself fall into a world of hate. You've lost enough people as it was. You wouldn't let anyone else be taken away from you.

Blinded by rage, you launch yourself at Dio, both to quench your bloodthirst and to buy Joseph some time to escape. In that precious time, he understands Kakyoin's message and decodes The World's ability.

However, he is too late.

You're stabbed through the stomach and left by Dio to bleed out . However, even in the face of death, you don't flinch. Your time has come. You'll finally join your brother, Caesar.

Joseph somehow finds the time to come to your aid, hollering at you to stay awake. "(Y/N)! Not you too... I can't lose another one of you!"

Even as your best friend cracks before you, you find the courage to smile at him and to comfort him. "I have faith in you. We have faith in Jotaro and you."

You rip Caesar's headband off your arm and shove it into his chest. "We'll be there, fighting by your side."

Joseph is forced to pull away from you when Dio comes after him, but he promises you he'll come back and yells at you to hold on.

Your death is a slow, cold one. Every minute, you feel the life seeping out of you. Despite Joseph's promise, you don't put your hopes in seeing him, or any of your friends, again. It's time for you to say goodbye.

You're awake just long enough to hear Dio's pained shriek pierce through the night. You smile to yourself. They've done it.

By the time the Speedwagon foundation gets to you, it's already too late. You're gone.

But the Zeppeli spirit lives on, in that headband you gave Joseph. He treasures it preciously, finding courage and company in the relic you and your brother have left behind.

[END]

[sunflowers-heart]

Sweet Nothings

Pairing: Kíli x Reader

Word count: 3,898

Warnings: None

Author’s note: None

Synopsis: Kíli is not aware of the impact his words have upon you.

„Is she avoiding me?” Kíli inquired, his piercing gaze glued to your back when you were riding a horse barely few steps ahead, leaving the Durin brothers at the very end of The Company. Not that any of them were complaining, on the contrary, it was a perfect opportunity to finally share a word or two about the current situation, which—surprisingly or not—seemed to be way more serious than the wargs chasing after you all. “I mean it, she did not spare me a single glance since we escaped the Goblin Town!”

“I think you may be a little bit overacting,” Fíli stated matter-of-factly. “Tell me, when was the last time you had a conversation with Bifur, hm?”

“And why would I have a conversation with him?” he frowned in confusion.

“To prove my point that sometimes you chat with one person, then another and there is nothing odd about it. It does not mean that she is avoiding you, she is simply… occupied.”

Kíli thought for a while about his brother’s words, valuing them as most likely wiser but not convincing in the slightest. It has been two whole, long days since you managed to escape the Goblin Town and so, two whole, long days since he had a chance to hear your voice calling his name or to see you laugh at something he said. The bitter sensation was growing in his mind, making him wonder whether you were bored by him already or maybe he unintentionally did something to offend you… He was not perfect, often acting before thinking but he would never make anything to hurt your feelings and especially not to alienate you.

“Or maybe…” Kíli lowered his voice to the conspirational whisper. “She thinks I am too old for her.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Seriously!” he hissed and slowed his pony down a little bit to give even more space between them and The Company heading further east. “When I think about it now, this might be the reason. Before reaching Rivendell we were chatting and somehow it slipped me that I am seventy seven. Seventy seven, Fíli! How old do you think she is?! Humans age different so maybe… five? The gap would be devastating, no wonder she does not want to talk to me anymore!”

Fíli barely could contain the amused smile, hearing more and more ridiculous explanations flowing from his brother’s mouth.

“I can assure you that this is not the issue. And I highly doubt that she is five.”

At that point, Kíli was ready to tear his hair out. He has been observing you for some time, desperately trying to find out what could be the reason for your cold behaviour toward him but no matter for how long he was deducing, there was no conclusion. You were acting as normal as always with everyone else beside him and this fact hurt him much more than he wanted to admit.

“But,” Fíli continued, noticing Kíli’s discouragement. “I can try doing a little reconnaissance if you want.”

His eyes immediately shone with new excitement and the happy expression did not fade from his face for the rest of the day, until the camp had to be settled again. Many hours later, when the sky became completely dark and the only source of light was a campfire, Kíli sat at the opposite side of you, pretending to be focused on his bowl of soup but realized that he has completely lost the appetite.

You were so close and so far away at the same time.

Naturally, his first idea was to simply approach you and ask about the change in your behaviour on the same day he realized it, but he found himself unable to speak to you. You were busy packing your stuff and he stood there, like a total oaf, staring at you completely silently, when no words escaped his lips and none seemed to be appropriate for the situation. Kíli has never felt as helpless as then, the courage leaving him when he was too afraid of accidentally pushing you further away.

He cared, he cared so much that it made him back away. After all, watching you happily spend time with the others was a better option than seeing you upset at him.

Kíli sighed deeply and took a small sip of the dinner, forcing himself to eat, knowing that he will need energy tomorrow morning. For now, he was hoping for Fíli to find a reason, his calm and collected attitude could provide more informations that if he approached you, acting so strange and very unlike him. Perhaps that was the reason—his behaviour tiring you, although at the beginning of the quest you were not giving him signs as such.

On the contrary, you seemed to be very pleased with his company during your first night as a guard.

“I just want to make sure that you won’t mess something up,” he teased you then, sitting next to you on the mossy ground, back resting against a giant, fallen tree trunk.

“It is more likely that I will mess something up if you will keep distracting me with your talking, Kíli,” you stated, peeking at him and the sword he was holding on the knees, preparing to sharpen it before the next day of march.

“Fair point,” he winked. “Consider it as a training then. How well can you be aware of your surroundings with such a great distraction?”

There was something in the depth of his voice, how low it was, how slightly hoarse after the long day, which made your heart melt with warmth and spill all over your body like a golden honey, the tingly, lovely sensation bringing smile to your lips. His eyes were so dark and mesmerizing you could stare at them for hours and still not get bored, the emotions visible in them like in an open book. It never failed to amaze you how in one moment he could look at you with such a gentle, caring manner and in the next one, if the enemies were approaching, there was a wild rage within them, burning passion and unstoppable bravery.

You thought that he was not afraid of anything, not even for a moment.

“Is this how low you think of me?” you gasped and placed a hand over your heart in a theatrical manner. “I would never get distracted, not when the whole Company is counting one me.”

“You take this so seriously.”

“And you do not? I mean,” you paused for a while, recollecting your thoughts. “We are a team and we need to protect each other. If I can help by staying awake and looking for intruders then I will do my best then.”

“Just like you did your best when Balin asked you to protect the campfire from the rain when everyone was packing and you stood over the ember with your coat spread open like some kind of winged animal?” he chuckled and even though you did not consider it as embarrassing, the way he laughed at the memory itched your heart a little bit.

“If you are going to mock me for doing what others asked me to, then–“

“I am not mocking you,” he interrupted, now the tone of his voice much more serious. “I did not mean that. I actually think it was very sweet of you, even though you were completely soaked afterwards and the fire went off anyway.”

“How is that sweet in any way then?”

“In a way, my dear, that you are hardworking and caring.”

It was nice, hearing the compliment from him, especially since you were not expecting it barely few moments ago.

“Obviously,” Kíli continued, now looking back at his weapon and sharpening the edge. “I could go on and on. This is only the tiny peak of your virtues and there is still much more to discover.”

“I think you are exaggerating,” you added, wondering how did he manage to say things like that so naturally, with so much ease, seemingly completely unaware of how much they affected you.

“No way! I intend to name more, if not all of them. Then you will see that I was right and as a prize I will want you to admit that out loud. Moreover, in front of everyone.”

“In your dreams, Kíli!”

“Oh, but you will! You will say that Kíli, the Son of Durin was right all the way and you, my lass, have never been so wrong in your whole life.”

It was hard to not laugh at his words, especially considering the hilarious tone of the voice he used to recite the statement. You almost did not notice when half of the night passed by then, the peaceful forest allowing the whole Company to rest before the dawn.

Kíli cherished this memory as promising. He was coming back to it many times before falling asleep, recalling your smile and words, trying to remember as much as possible from it. He did not lie when he made the vow of naming all your advantages and so, the next day he surprised with yet another detail about your personality, you did not previously pay attention to.

“And what do we have there?” Kíli mused as he approached you, while you were trying to sew up the hole in your breeches left by a branch during the warg’s chase. “If that is not our beloved, very talented and no less skilled friend?”

You peeked at him, confused.

“At that point you are just making it up.”

“How could I.” He showed you his bright teeth in a charming smile.

“I am just sewing up my trousers, everyone can do that,” you pointed out, which made Kíli gasp loudly.

“But can they do it with such a precision? Could they ever look so adorable with that focused face? And do they have that tiny, sweet little wrinkle at the bridge of the nose? I highly doubt that!”

You muttered something about him being ridiculous and incomprehensible, and came back to your work, not wanting him to notice how the amount of compliments—although, most likely, said as a joke—was embarrassing you.

The scenario repeated few more times, each one of them Kíli surprising you with the amount of knowledge and wide vocabulary. You were scolding yourself for allowing the first impression of him to take over your judgment because the more you knew him, the more interesting he was, day after day proving you that in reality, there was still a lot to learn about him.

The compliments he was giving to you were fancy and often making you laugh. Before his little mission to apparently embarrass you with calling out loud every single thing you did right, you doubted that anyone paid attention to the way you were tying shoelaces or styling your hair. And yet, there he was, attentive and always ready to tell you how good you looked, how smart you were, how clever you acted or how your presence brightened up the whole surroundings.

And it was sweet, Kíli’s charm obviously reaching your heart and causing the butterflies to fly in your stomach whenever you spotted him nearby. Soon, you found yourself waiting with an anticipation for the next day just to see him again, to hear him tell some funny story from Ered Luin, to watch him practice shooting with the bow. His adorable, cheerful face occupied most of your thoughts, even in the times where it surely should not—eventually resulting in you falling to the shallow but cold stream after stepping on a particularly slippery stone and Kíli, naturally, shouting after you:

“Hold on, my damsel in distress, your savior is here!”

“Who do you call a damsel in distress?” you frowned while standing up, the water reaching a little above your ankles, but before you could go out of the stream, Kíli was already next to you, effortlessly picking you up as if you weighted nothing more than a feather and throwing you over his shoulder. “What are you–?!”

“I am assisting my lady not-in-distress in crossing the river, what else?”

“Put me down right now, immediately,” you demanded, noticing the curious stares from the rest of The Company who must have noticed your absence. “Kíli, please.”

But he did not listen, instead walking with you out of the small river and only then letting you go on the dry ground. Adjusting your clothes, you murmured a simple: “Thank you”, still rather awestruck. You were familiar with the differences between Men and Dwarves and yet, witnessing him in action was always impressive.

“I am much stronger than I look, I know,” he wiggled his eyebrows at you. “I also have many other ace’s up my sleeves, you will see.”

His boldness was both intimidating and alluring and you did not want to lie to yourself, pretending that you did not like it. Perhaps it would be better to face him about this, to talk about yours and his feelings and then decide what to do next. The rest of The Company was not blind, they must have seen what was going on between you two and they deserved an explanation, too.

Your plans changed drastically when you found out the harsh truth during an innocent coincidence, which allowed you to see his real intentions—and the conclusion broke your heart.

Rivendell was like a dream, a town in clouds, completely separated from the dangers of the outside world and it was hard to tell whether you were staying there for few hours, days or even years. Overwhelming peace and harmony blinded your senses and muted the natural instincts which were telling you that soon it was the time to move forward. Until then, however, not you, nor the rest of The Company could deny an invitation for dinner with music and chatting.

Sitting at the opposite side of the table, you peeked at Kíli from time to time, in between admiring the unusual landscape. The Elves, although visibly not understanding Dwarves’ manners, were kind and gentle, bringing new plates and playing on the instruments to make your stay as pleasant as possible. Golden sun spilled over the marble floor and in its light you noticed how Kíli’s hair, now neatly washed and pinned with a bead, were having some burning red and deep chocolate reflections. What caught your attention the most, however, were his eyes and the soft, loving gaze, which happened to not linger on you for more than a second.

Instead, you noticed the meaningful looks and discreet smiles sent to the Elves.

Deciding to focus on your meal, you started to feverishly wonder, when did you make a mistake and how could you not notice the simple fact that it was not Kíli’s attraction toward you causing him to act this way, but rather his personality and natural charisma. He was so open, easily astonished by anything new, eager to try everything and never hesitating to make a first step. It was in his nature to charm, to talk, to flirt, to love and to live.

You were not a difference in his life, but an opportunity.

Despite what you hoped for, the first and last night in Rivendell was full of sorrow and unanswered questions.

“May I join?” Fíli’s voice brought you back to present, to the camp in the woods, the fire in front of you and the bowl full of still untouched soup.

“Sure.” You moved aside to give him more space to sit on the fallen tree trunk, which was now used as a bench.

“I thought you seem troubled,” he continued. “Can I help you somehow?”

If his attentiveness surprised you, you did not let it show.

“I am just tired,” you lied. “It has been a long day.”

“Indeed…” He accepted your excuse and pointed at the bowl. “You do not have to eat that if you do not want to, you know? Nobody will get angry.”

Only then you remembered about your dinner and looked at it as if the bowl has just magically appeared in your hands.

“You may be right,” you nodded. “I am not hungry.”

“Well then, I can only hope that this is not some illness spreading because Kíli seems to lost his appetite, too.”

Immediately you peeked at the other side of the campfire and spotted him sitting next to Bombur, blank gaze glued to the burning wood. Apparently, he was no less troubled than you were.

“I hope so, too,” you muttered and eventually decided to try a first spoon.

If you want something done, do it yourself—or so Kíli repeated to himself while marching angrily toward the front of The Company, where you were walking side by side with Ori. Fíli’s intervention was helpful, obviously, but it still led him nowhere, not knowing what exactly caused you avoid him all of a sudden. His ominous words were not making it easier either.

“She is worried.”

Kíli blinked few times, hoping for the further explanation which did not come.

“About what…?”

“Something regarding you, I guess.” Fíli shrugged. “I do not know the details.”

“That much I know, brother, I was hoping for the details precisely! How can I do anything about it when I have no idea what is going on?” Kíli kicked the small rock which was laying on his way on the road. “I would even apologize but I do not know what for, so that would never work.”

His brother’s look was very meaningful, just like the smile on his lips.

“You like her.”

“Of course I do, everyone likes her.”

“No, no. You like her. More than the others.”

Kíli glared at him suspiciously.

“Whatever you are implying…”

“You know very well what I am implying.”

“… It won’t work because she currently hates me.”

“She does not hate you,” Fíli sighed. “Listen, just try talking to her. I can assure you that if you talk it thoroughly, everything will be fine.”

Kíli was not sure about it but he did not have many other options. Eventually, he decided to approach you and confront about the whole situation, hoping that you won’t try to escape this time. When he finally fell into step with you, he called your name, the look of determination on his face.

“Can we talk for a moment?” he asked and noticed how for a single second your eyes wandered around in an attempt to find yet another excuse—but found none.

“Sure…” you nodded then and slowed down the pace so you could stay alone with him at the end of the group. “What do you want to talk about?”

“About us.”

“Us?” you snorted.

“Yes.” Kíli gently touched your arm and stopped you mid-tracks, making you face him. “What happened? I thought we were doing just fine, why the sudden change?”

It was painful to look at those dark eyes of his, full of remorse and confusion. There was no doubt that he genuinely did not see his own mistake and you could not decide whether it angered or upset you more. Either way, he deserved an explanation.

“We were doing perfectly fine,” you admitted slowly. “Bu the point is… Oh, Kíli, you cannot say all those words and expect me to not fall in love with you.”

Your confession made him speechless. He was staring at you as if he saw you for the first time—or as if you were some kind of goddess allowing only him to experience your presence. He opened his mouth, attempting to answer you but could not find the right words and so he closed them, reminding you of a fish out of water.

Crossing the arms, you patiently waited for his answer, feeling the thrill of fear over what you were going to hear. That your emotions were ridiculous? That you should not take the innocent game that seriously?

“I–Are you in love with me?” Kíli simply wondered and when the word ‘love’ escaped his mouth, he smiled.

Truly, honestly, hopefully.

“Of course I am,” you sighed deeply. “But unfortunately, it was a little bit too late when I realized that you are not.”

Then it struck him. The memory of the evening spent in Rivendell, how cheerful you were while approaching this place and how your attitude drastically changed over the dinner. The funny situation when he accidentally mistook an Elf with She-Elf still echoing in his mind but not as vivid and clear as the pained look on your face back then. There was a sadness behind your smile and he was too excited to notice it.

Your name danced on his tongue when he whispered it and approached you, cupping both of your hands in his and licking his lips before giving you an answer.

“You are mistaken,” he started. “I am in love with you and Mahal knows that I was since I first laid my eyes upon you. Everything I said about you was no less that truth itself and I really do admire you in everything you do. Even in the way you gracelessly fell into that river.”

Light peeking from between the branches landed on the side of his face, giving his eyes more depth and colour, and he squeezed your hands tighter after noticing how the corners of your lips were trembling, the happiness after hearing his confession not possible to hide anymore.

“And regarding to what happened in Rivendell,” Kíli continued. “I was just being a fool and you should know that sometimes I tend to be one. A really big, Dwarven oaf. It was certainly one of those moments but it would never change the way I feel about you, only you. You are everything to me and I love you just the way you are. I love your smile and your laugh, the stories you are telling, how helpful and dedicated you are and how huge your heart is! I love that you decided to join us on this adventure because I love seeing you everyday, saying ‘good morning’ and ‘goodnight’ to you. And I love your flaws, too, the ones I did not mention before. You are aware that I am not free of them either, but that is exactly what makes us us and I would never change anything in you because in my eyes you are perfect just the way you are, with everything you carry in your soul. Only that way the picture is complete.”

Sunlight swirled in the corners of your teary eyes, Kíli’s hand never letting go of yours and The Company far ahead of you two. Still, there was no rush to chase after them, not when you have just realized that all you have ever wanted was right in front of you.

Kíli took a step closer and in an answer you slowly leaned forward, closing your eyes, until your forehead rested against his and the tips of your noses barely brushed against each other. It was a perfect afternoon, the one worth remembering, as you stood there in the middle on the forest bathed in the bright, golden sunlight, and there was nothing which could disturb the peace of your connected hearts.

[cactusspatz]

NIF narrative structure: stakes and deadlines

The other day I saw someone (terribly sorry, stranger, I didn’t take note of your name and now the post is lost, Tumblr is a chaos pit) talking about how they liked that the initial conflict in Nirvana in Fire (the Chiyan conspiracy case) is sustained through the whole show, unlike a lot of Cdramas which have an instigating event that gets buried in an avalanche later events - much like a Western soap opera, I imagine, having been frustrated by that structure before. One of the reasons it’s such a satisfying show is that there are very clear, huge stakes set up early on, which are paid off very well in the conclusion.

Fandom tends to focus on Jingyan’s rise to power as an arc, because we love our slash and our water buffalo, but his journey is a complication on the path to justice, not the goal itself. (Consider how the ritual where he becomes Crown Prince is valued in the show - a short scene with little dialogue outside the ritual - compared to the Emperor’s birthday party, which spans multiple episodes.) The Chiyan case is the true structural buttress of the show: opening the first episode with the graphic violence of Meiling and the trauma that still haunts Mei Changsu, and ending in Ep 54 with MCS at the Lin family memorial and his return to Meiling.

Along the way, there are a number (boy howdy, are there a number) of supplementary conflicts that arise and are concluded, both as steps along the path AND as narrative mirrors to the overall quest for justice: destroying the secondary villains both clears Jingyan’s path to power AND attains justice for the people they have wronged. The satisfaction we get from those victories feeds and echoes into the final epic rush of achieving justice for the Chiyan dead. There’s also a deliberate thread about vengeance only being used in service to true justice, like the murder twins setting up their brother’s murderer to be killed for plot reasons in the absence of offical justice, which echoes the discussion about how the Emperor has to be the one to reopen the Chiyan case, not Jingyan whenever he takes over.

But NIF actually does another structural thing very well: it sets up a deadline to sustain tension. A literal deadline, actually, because Mei Changsu is dying. In the first episode, he asks Lin Chen to give him two years - and then two years later, just as things are going really well for Jingyan and we’re sure that the Chiyan case will be reopened because Jingyan is the heir and Xie Yu’s letter has been established as a waiting timebomb, MCS’s health starts to fail. At that point, where the narrative might have otherwise started to lose its suspense because our protagonists have gained so much power and status, there’s this ratcheting tension of whether he can get the case reopened before he collapses entirely, or if others will have to finish for him (with the audience obviously rooting for the former).

tl;dr I love a strong narrative structure and there are very good reasons why this show is so incredibly rewatchable, despite being a 54-episode hulking beast of tears, intrigue, foreign cultural context, and subtitles.

[thegoodgayshit]

Luz’s mother really doesn’t want to send Luz to camp. She knows once she leaves, there is no going back. But Luz has a knack for getting into trouble, and one day she stumbles into the same type of people her mother would have preferred she avoided. After helping Luz dissolve her high school bully into dust, Eda and Lilith know right away that this kid is just like them - a child of the gods. So Luz hops on a Pegasus and heads to Camp Half-blood, where she embarks on a dangerous quest that makes her both friends and enemies... and she might even save Olympus along the way.

Chapter Three: I Make My Second Enemy

Luz thinks her first night at Camp Half-Blood was a success. She laughed along with her new friends at the campfire, singing songs and telling stories before she went back to Cabin Eleven and got her first night of sleep.

But then the dreams started.

It seemed innocent enough. Luz was standing in the hallways of her school alone, grabbing books from her locker. But then she felt her body slam against it, once again being thrown just like she had by Lina earlier that afternoon. She couldn’t see anything as her body turned, and she realized with a panic that something cold and sharp pressed into her spine.

“Yes, little hero,” the voice whispered coldly against her. “Play the pawn, be the god’s pet, just as we were. You are a fool.”

Just before she thought for sure she would get run through with a sword, she threw herself awake in her bunk, breathing heavily.

It was sometime early in the morning, just before dawn. She had been so exhausted from the night before, she had fallen asleep in her hoodie and shorts. Not that she had pajamas, but she would have at least just worn her leggings and a tank top. The dog tag necklace she had stolen from Lina was still around her neck, and Luz took it off as quickly as she could with her shaky hands.

Careful not to wake her sleeping cabinmates, Luz carefully crept to her chest she shared with Jerbo, opening it and taking out her phone, sketchbook, and some of the hanging tacks.

She crept back up to her bed, hanging the dog tag necklace on her portion of the wall using a tack and pulling the blanket over her head, using her phone flashlight to open the sketchbook and start drawing. She drew what she had experienced in her dream, being pressed against the floor and pushed down by a stranger holding a sword. Shivering at the scary drawing, she flipped the page and decided to just draw some fanart to calm herself down. She didn’t have a lot of room left in her book, but she figured it was worth space. She drew herself as Azura from her favorite book series, and she felt her mood already start to go up as she worked.

Before long the rest of the cabin got up and the day began. After eating a quick breakfast in the pavilion, the Hermes cabin began their activities for the day.

Viney had explained to Luz what it meant to be claimed at the campfire last night, and she said that at any moment now a god would give some kind of sign she was their daughter. But the moment at the campfire never came. Luz had the feeling Viney was letting her give things a try, to see if she picked anything up in particular that would give away her godly parent.

She wasn’t very good at archery, but she wasn’t terrible either. She did have to apologize to Skara, one of the Apollo kids, after almost skewering her while she went to go pick up her arrows. She didn’t mind canoeing, but she confessed to Jerbo that she was a little nervous about falling in the water. Luz knew how to swim, but right now she only had this set of clothes, and really didn’t want them to get wet.

After archery and canoeing, the Hermes cabin gathered in the arena to practice sword fighting. Viney fit Luz into some of the practice armor and handed Luz a four-foot blade that felt clumsy in her hand. She wasn’t bad at sword fighting either, but she felt like she couldn’t move quickly in the bulky armor, and got knocked down by Jerbo more than once.

After that, they had an hour for a break. Luz was supposed to meet Willow and Gus by the shed outside Cabin Six in half an hour, so she figured she would walk to the camp store and buy herself some more clothes.

The store was pretty cute looking and had a decent selection of supplies. The cashier today was a camper, one Luz thought she recognized playing basketball the previous day. He nodded to her when she walked in.

She headed to the counter, meeting him with a smile. “Hi, Eda said my mom sent me some money here. It should be under the name Luz Noceda?”

He smiled breezily, looking unbothered. “Yeah sure, let me get that for you.”

Her mom had sent over a hundred dollars for her to spend. She couldn’t help but grin ecstatically. She had never had that much money before. She’d have to text her Mami thank you.

She cruised through the shop, picking up a couple of the classic orange t-shirts, a hoodie, a pair of extra shorts, and a pair of jeans in case it gets cold. She grabbed a set of pajama shorts and a clean white shirt to sleep in, a toothbrush, and some other toiletries off the shelf. As she was piling it on the counter, she grabbed some of her own sticky tacks to decorate her bunk. When she brought it to the front and paid, she only had a couple of dollars left in change when she saw a beautiful black sketchbook sitting right by the front wall.

“How much for that?” She asked, gesturing to the book.

“Five fifty,” he says.

Luz counts her change and sighs, crestfallen. With her Mami’s change and the change left from the candy store, she’s only got four fifty left.

“This sucks,” she mumbles, taking her new purchases from the camper, preparing to just leave the store. “I only have four fifty left.”

Then the strangest thing happens. The cashier straightens up, and his eyes get misty like he’s forgotten where he is. He looks at the sketchbook then at her.

“Four fifty’s fine.”

Luz blinks in confusion, but then she grins in excitement, handing him the change. “Really? Thank you so much!”

He shrugs his shoulders, “It’s no problem at all. Have a nice day.”

Luz takes the sketchbook and puts it in the bag with the rest of her items, ecstatic. She couldn’t believe how nice that camper was.

She takes her new stuff back to the Hermes cabin, changing into a new orange shirt and shorts. She packs the rest of her stuff on her side of the chest, including her new sketchbook, and then leaves the cabin to go meet Willow and Gus.

She finds them waiting right where they said they’d be, around the back of Cabin Six. They’re standing next to a decent sized metal shed that extends past the cabin, and they both smile as she approaches them.

“Hey Luz, nice clothes,” Willow says approvingly.

“Thanks, I was really dreading wearing the same stuff over and over,” Luz admits sheepishly.

“Well, now it’s time for the best part of it all! Picking out your weapon,” Gus cheers, gesturing behind him to the shed. “You can find a weapon you like in lots of places… if you want something newly made Cabin Nine is the place to go, but Cabin Six collects a lot of classics, so we have a pretty good selection too. Our goal is to match the right hero with the right weapon. My siblings said you can help yourself if you find anything cool.”

“Awesome!” Luz says in excitement, pumping her fist in the air. She had to admit, lots of stuff about being a half-blood was cool, but the idea of getting her own weapon like what Eda or Lilith had? That had been what Luz was the most excited for.

The trio starts digging around the shed, looking for something that suits Luz. She struggles to find something right… there’s a huge sword she can barely lift, then one that’s so small she has no control over her swing. She even holds a Mossberg shotgun in her hands that shoot celestial bronze. While she agrees with Gus that it’s cool, it’s really not her style.

Then she’s digging underneath a pile of bronze swords when she stumbles across an ancient-looking bronze ring, shimmering on the floor of the shed. Luz blinks at it curiously, before she scoops it up and slides it over her ring finger on her right hand, almost like instinct. She peers at it and realizes the shape of it reminds her of her Mami’s college ring from when she studied medical science. Using the edge of her shirt, she does her best to buff it up.

“What’s this?” She asks her new friends, but before they can respond she touches it and screeches, stumbling backward. The ring had transformed into a two-foot bronze xiphos that Luz had to catch in her hand. She gaped at it in awe and turned it, examining the blaze and realizing the balance was perfect.

Willow and Gus glanced at one another awkwardly, before Gus crossed his arms nervously. “I don’t know if you want that one Luz…”

Luz blinked at him. “Why not?”

“That was Peleus’ weapon,” Willow said slowly, and Luz’s mouth dropped open again.

“Peleus? Wasn’t he the father of like… Hercules or something?”

“Achilles,” Gus corrected quickly.

“Then what’s it doing in the Athena cabin’s shed!” She exclaimed, holding it out as if it might break at any second. The sword shrunk back to a ring in an instant, sitting comfortably on Luz’s hand. “Shouldn’t it be in like… a museum or something?”

“Celestial bronze weapons are meant to be used by demigods,” Gus said with a shrug. “Not be kept in a museum.”

“So why shouldn’t I want it?” Luz asked, now more confused than before. Gus put up his hands like he didn’t want to have this conversation. Willow sighed, taking over for him.

“The ring was enchanted by Hermes for Peleus to use. But after he died a lot of half-bloods have come to the conclusion that it’s cursed. They’ve tried to use it and found that it brought them bad luck.”

“He called the sword Aletheia, which means “disclosure” or “truth” in Ancient Greek,” Gus added helpfully, and Luz hummed, looking down at the ring thoughtfully.

“I want this one,” Luz said certainly, and Willow and Gus shared another look but shrugged, not going to warn her off any further.

“Alright then, the half-blood always knows best,” Willow just said.

“Plus it’s a super cool sword,” Gus said enthusiastically. Luz met his smile with an excited grin of her own, touching the ring to get it to transform again. This time, instead of a sword, Aletheia turned into a bronze knife, about half a foot long. The leather hilt of this blade matched the one of the sword, and Luz’s first thought was to panic.

“I broke it!” She exclaimed in terror, and Gus snorted, doubling over with laughter. Willow blinked in surprise and leaned in for a closer look.

“I’d heard the legend that Peleus also had a knife, but I didn’t think Aletheia could shift twice,” she said with interest. “Is the shifting random?”

Luz tried shifting the weapon multiple times. Eventually, they determined there was no pattern, and the choice was in fact random. Willow disagreed with her, but Luz had a feeling that it favored the sword and shifted into that more often.

“Isn't it so cool?” Gus exclaimed, and Luz couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear. He was right, it really was a cool weapon.

Luz thanked Gus and asked him to thank his siblings as well for letting her browse through the shed, which he promised he would do. Then the three of them had to head back to their activities for the day, so Luz waved goodbye and went to go look for the rest of the Hermes cabin.

She had her first run on the lava rock wall with the Ares cabin, and Luz barely managed to scrape her way to the top without getting burned. As she climbed down and Viney offered her some water, she couldn’t help but express her annoyance with her performance.

“Curse my weak little nerd arms,” she huffed, and Viney smiled sympathetically. Behind Luz, she heard a scoff, and she turned to look in the direction of the noise.

“I was surprised you even made it to the top at all, you were so slow I thought the lava was going to swallow you up.”

It was a girl she had never seen before from the Ares cabin, with pink hair and a sneer that was so cold it could knock Luz flat. A couple of her siblings stood next to her, eyeing Luz like she was fresh meat.

Luz narrowed her eyes. She knew she wasn’t supposed to pick fights anymore, her Mami had asked her not to, but she was at camp now. She had every right to be there just like them.

“Don’t talk to me like that.” Luz retorted, and she noticed some of the other Hermes cabin kids eyeing Luz nervously.

Viney, thankfully, stood up and tossed her an equally annoyed look. “Just walk away, Boscha. We don’t need this right now.”

The girl, Boscha, narrowed her gaze. “Why are you defending her? Your fresh meat over here hasn’t even been claimed yet. It’s obvious enough, even the gods don’t want her.”

Luz felt that in her core, but she swallowed hard, willing away her insecurity. Her dad would come through soon, the gods had promised to claim all their children by the time they were thirteen. She had to believe it would happen at any minute.

“We want her,” Viney argued with a low growl, and Luz felt affection for Viney spring up in her chest.

But Boscha wasn’t interested in being nice. “Why? She can’t even climb a rock wall, never mind do anything useful.”

“I’ll show you useful.” Luz finally snapped, stepping forward to run at Boscha, only to be stopped by Viney holding out an arm.

“She’s not worth it, Luz,” Viney said with a whisper, and Luz felt her face get red with embarrassment when Boscha laughed.

“See? You don’t even think she’s good enough to fight me.” Boscha stepped closer and bared her teeth at Luz, who returned it with a furious expression. “You and I are on opposite teams tomorrow for Capture the Flag. I can’t wait until we destroy you.”

She and her siblings stalked off, and Luz grit her teeth in frustration. “Why do I keep making enemies?”

Viney shrugged, keeping her green eyes locked on the back of Boscha’s head. “She’s one of Amity’s friends. If Amity didn’t like you, neither will Boscha. I already guessed that the Ares cabin would be on Aphrodite’s team tomorrow, but I guess now it’s a done deal.”

Jerbo, who had been climbing the rock wall and only heard the end of the conversation with Boscha, wiped his face with a towel. “So who do we have on our side?”

“Athena, Demeter, Hecate, Nemesis, Tyche, and Hebe so far.” Viney mused, starting to look nervous. “We have numbers on our side, but I’m hoping to get Nike to side with us too. They always have a habit of joining the winning team…”

“We’re totally going to win!” Luz said determinedly, “I won’t let Amity and Boscha’s team win if I have anything to say about it.”

Viney and Jerbo shared a look, and then Jerbo shrugged. “If you say so. But they’re going to be one tough combo to beat.”

“Athena’s cabin promised me a good strategy,” Viney added with a smile. “If we pair that with Luz’s confidence, I’m sure we’ll do great!”

Luz was now more determined than ever to get better at her combat skills. She knew campers would think she was an easy target since she was new, so on their next break before dinner, Luz went alone to the arena to practice.

When she got there, she was surprised to see Eda and King together in the arena. Eda was slashing through some of the practice dummies with her spear, and King was taking a nap on the grass a few feet away.

After ripping the stuffing out of the chest of a dummy, Eda caught sight of Luz. “Oh, hey kid. What are you doing here?”

Luz rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment. “Capture the flag is tomorrow, and I don’t want to let my team down. I need to learn how to use this sword.”

Eda’s brow furrowed, and she looked at Luz like she had two heads. “Kid… you don’t have a sword with you.”

Luz reached over and touched her ring, and showed Eda Aletheia. Thankfully this time it was a sword and not a knife. Eda looked at it and nodded interestedly, before turning back to the dummy.

“Alright then, I’ll teach you.”

Luz’s eyes widened. “Wait, seriously?”

“Well sure, kid. I am one of the Camp Directors. It’s my job to make sure you’re in tip-top fighting shape.” Eda spun her spear like a baton, and Luz expected it to transform back into Owlbert, but instead, Eda was holding a three-foot bronze falcata. Luz blanched, and Eda just grinned crookedly, showing off that gold fang again.

“Why are you so shocked? You’re not the only one with a transforming weapon, kid. You’ve seen my spear before.”

“It’s just so cool,” Luz said in awe, and she blinked when she realized she was now sounding just like Gus. Eda cackled at her expression, stepping closer to start the lesson. She showed Luz the proper way to stand with a sword and explained the mechanics of how to move your body with the sword, rather than have the sword move for you.

“A hero's best tactic is their adaptability,” Eda explained, pushing her hands against Luz’s shoulder to adjust her stance. “Anyone can swing a sword, but real heroes? They use it as an extension of themselves rather than a tool to make ends meet.”

Luz nodded furiously, already picking up so much more than she had in the arena earlier. Not only was the weapon in her hand now balanced, but Eda was a much more unconventional teacher than Viney. Eda’s unique teachings were helping Luz think creatively with her sword when she was swinging.

After a couple of practice rounds against Eda, (“remember that when fighting an opponent with a longer blade, you need to move inside their own strikes”) she spun Owlbert again to change it back into a spear. Luz began to get a feel for engaging with different kinds of weapons, and soon King had even woken up from his nap to come over and watch, offering sarcastic criticism or yells of encouragement every once in a while. Eda then switched back to her sword, and Luz did much better this time, even managing to disarm Eda once or twice. Each time she did it, Eda would push Luz a little harder, making it more challenging to knock the blade out of her hand.

Luz hadn’t even realized how much time flew until both Eda and Luz were drenched with sweat, completely out of breath.

“Well kid,” Eda said inhaling for air. She spun her sword and it shifted back into Owlbert, who cooed and perched on Eda’s shoulder. “I think that’s the best you’re going to get before tomorrow. You’ve made some really great progress. I’m actually kind of impressed.”

“I feel ready,” Luz said with a grin, touching Aletheia to turn it back to a ring. “Thank you so much, Eda.”

“Don’t thank me,” she said with a thumbs up. “This was fun!”

Luz heard the pair of footsteps from behind her before she heard the voices.

“Oh, have you decided to help train Luz, Edalyn? That’s very out of character for you.”

Luz saw Eda’s sour expression before she turned around, seeing Lilith walking towards them in tow by Amity, who made a point to glare at Luz and look away, crossing her arms.

Luz didn’t understand what she did to have Amity hate her so much, but before she could think about it any further, Eda tossed an arm around Luz’s shoulders and squeezed until the air was knocked out of her, all while smiling smugly. “I sure have, Lily! Luz here is a natural, she’s going to do great tomorrow.”

Lilith hummed, tilting her head humorously. “I’m so glad to hear that Luz is picking up sword fighting skills so quickly! Maybe one day she’ll even be good enough to Amity.”

Luz felt a competitive bubble begin to rise up in her chest and she squared her shoulders challengingly, but Eda beat her to it.

“Oh yeah? What makes you think my student can’t beat your student?” She retorted, and Lilith laughed.

“You mean besides the fact that you’ve been training for all of one day?” She shot back breezily, and Eda scoffed.

“Who cares? Time has nothing to do with it.”

Lilith raised a brow in disbelief. Turning to Amity, who had been standing there quietly, she gestured over to one of the training dummies.

“Would you mind giving a demonstration, Amity?”

Amity looked over at Luz and smiled, but there was nothing nice about the gesture.

“With pleasure, Lilith,” Amity said, drawing a polished short sword (a xiphos, like Luz’s) from her belt. It was two feet long, like Luz’s, and studded with what looked like small amethysts on the hilt. Luz blinked, it was the prettiest weapon she had seen so far.

Amity moved like a storm, slashing and hacking the dummy to pieces using moves that Luz could only dream of learning. Within seconds, the dummy was completely destroyed, pierced in multiple places, and totally decapitated. She finally sheathed her sword and walked back to stand next to Lilith completely unphased.

Eda huffed, crossing her arms. “So you’re girl has some moves. That doesn’t mean she’s going to win tomorrow. Unless she plans on taking out a whole army of campers all at once.”

“I plan on it,” Amity said without hesitation, staring Luz right in the eye as she said it. Luz gulped, now nervous again. She swallowed her anxiety, trying not to give Amity anything more than she deserved.

“Well I’ll see you on the field then,” she said, trying to sound confident, but the crack in her voice gave everything away.

“I’ll see you there,” Amity promised. She wanted to keep arguing, to say something to wipe that rude smile off her face, but before she could muster up the courage Eda had her hand on her shoulder dragging her out of the arena with King on their heels.

As they left, Eda was grumbling angrily under her breath. “Stupid Lily, always thinking she can get the better of me.. well she’ll see tomorrow…”

King was huffing at their heels, “That green-haired girl has a serious attitude problem. I don’t like it.”

When they were out of eyesight from the arena, Eda reached into the pocket of her cloak and began rummaging around. “I’ve got something here that’ll do the trick… ah! Here it is.”

Eda pulled out a bronze device and gestured for Luz to hold out her hand. She wrapped the thing leather strap around her left hand, so the tiny device was pressed into the middle of her palm.

“Eda? What’s this?” Luz asked, reaching over with her other hand to touch it. Eda slapped her hand away quickly, and Luz recoiled.

“Ow!” She exclaimed, and Eda chuckled apologetically.

“Sorry. You just probably shouldn’t touch that. This is a nifty little device I had Cabin Nine make for me a long time ago. If you meet Amity in the forest tomorrow, just touch her skin under her armor with this, and she’ll be immobilized long enough for you to take her down.”

“Take her down?” Luz recoiled, eyes wide at what Eda was saying. “I don’t like Amity, but I’m not going to kill her!”

Eda laughed, patting Luz’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean that. But if you point your sword under her throat and stop her from attacking you, she’s out. Just do that.”

Luz glanced at the little item in her palm anxiously. It looked a lot like a hand buzzer that a prank shop would sell. Luz hadn’t been a half-blood for long, but she had figured out that everything here was a lot more hardcore than she initially expected.

“Eda, this won’t like… seriously hurt her right?”

“It won’t kill her,” Eda said with a shrug. “But I never said it wouldn’t hurt. It’s got enough of a current to bring a Cyclops to their knees. Don’t ask how I know that.”

Luz didn’t like the sound of that at all, but Eda had been pretty helpful so far so she wasn’t going to refuse a gift like this. But there was another worry nagging at the back of her mind.

“Isn’t this kind of cheating?”

“Nah,” Eda said with a wave of a hand. “It’s capture the flag. All magic items are allowed. The other team will be using stronger tricks than this to win the game. You've got to get on their level to win.”

“There’s nothing like a nasty trick to subdue your enemies!” King chimed in with glee.

Luz still wasn’t sure about this, but Eda was giving her this encouraging look that she couldn’t ignore. So she braved a smile, mustering all the certainty she could. “Well, alright then. I’ve got nothing to lose, right?”

“That’s the spirit, kid!” Eda cheered, clapping her again on the shoulder. “Now, you better head back to your cabin before dinner. If this is going to work, and Lily’s team is going to go down big time, I need to talk to Cabin Twenty about some of their magic glitter bombs…”

Eda and King headed off towards the minor god’s ring of cabins, and Luz sighed. She wondered if all she'd managed to do today was squeeze herself more trouble than she was already in.

[veridium]

fuck it, queer meta.

About a year ago I wrote one of my first and largest meta posts about why I consider Cassandra a prime example of queerbaiting despite her being a character who explicitly says she is heterosexual. This lead to quite the day of inbox hate mail from people throughout the fandom. Most were upset I used the “q slur” and left it untagged as such in the big DA meta tags. I can imagine for those folks, the substance of what I had to say mattered little as a result. 

I deleted most of those messages and my responses soon afterward. They upset me greatly even as I took it all in stride. However, given that it’s been about 365 days since that fiasco, and some interesting events have happened with regards to current and former DA writers, I thought it would be “fun” to write a recap and reflection on why, generally, I still feel the way I did when I wrote that post. With some changes and growth, of course. 

The gist of it is, as we have come to learn in past, recent, and ongoing discourses in fandom, that much to the chagrin of a lot of folks in this fandom: BioWare, and in this instance DA writers, are not your SJW Icons. Furthermore, they never should have been, or should be, considered as such. 

The gist (part two) for me, is: for as much as diverse characters, worlds, and societies are being uplifted by Games these days, the counterbalance of bullshit is still there. And I think it survives most sturdily in the kind of logic the BioWare writing culture throughout the years. This sense of egalitarian, “of course” logic, that appears to make socially deviant identities normalized but really just falsely positions those identities as meant to be in lock-step with the norm. Representation to gaming, and most of media writ large, all-too-easily falls into the trap of “we want what the privileged have,” which it to say, we want our existence to be a no-brainer, even if it means we lost the essence of why our stories are so profound, important, and necessary to do justice. 

I really can’t imagine accepting the way characters like Cassandra were written because I don’t accept the writer(s) who wrote her. Why?

Come with me, and we’ll be, in a world, of pure fuckery...but with citations...because I’m an Academic and that’s my roll.*

*Please see tags for pertinent content warnings before clicking.**

**if you reblog and tag this shit with “q slur,” I will take all the reserves of understanding I have as a DA fic writer for all of the enraged womxn in the series and express it accordingly. And, as a femslash-oriented author, I can promise you: that expression will be consumptive. 

Hm, I wonder, what with the predominant writer for her character inquires on Twitter for “lesbian fanfic porn” recommendations for writing “research,” but seems to be unable to hire appropriate creatives to write, consult, etc. for the project. 

Or that the writers room made, and continues to make, space for a writer who continually does Black and queer characters dirty with his mediocre-at-best work, in both game and novel form (because, plot twist, he’s a shit writer) (1) (2) (3). 

Or that the writer’s room, and specifically Ga*der, attesting that the development of the Qunari was based on Arab cultures around the time of “Medieval Europe,” which is somehow his way of getting out of the thematic botching of the Qunari language, social structure, etc. from Islamic tradition. 

Or, the writers who intentionally shaped the story so that Vivienne, one of the limited number of Black women characters in the entire series to have a role as an ally, to be a red herring of an distrustful and conceited antagonist, to the point where her treatment by fandom has been incredibly racist, heinous, and lazy for years.

These are a few of MANY reasons, with thorough exposition, why the veneer of “progressive inclusion” studios like BioWare claim to be authentic. Having “diverse” writers in the room -- and I’m using that word incredibly tenuously here -- didn’t change the result of any of these harmful scenarios. In fact, it created them. This, combined with the tale as old as time: toxic fandom culture with white, anglo-centric, cisheterosexual masculinist ideals at the fore, have gotten us here. 

So, do I hold all of the reasons why I am angry about Cassandra’s character writing the same way now, as I did then? No. Certainly not. In fact, there are parts where I would correct myself. On the other hand, the thesis for me remains largely preserved: I revile G*ider, I revile that he gets the accolades he does by fandom for his “diversity” of characters when he exploits, erases, and uses slippery morality to get out of admitting he has shortcomings in his work. I hate that the exaltation for representation still funnels itself onto the heads of white writers and predominantly white-staffed studios. 

And, underneath it all, I am mad that some of ya’ll see no problem with that. Because what does it matter, if you do not come from communities, cultures, and coalitions that get the brunt of this misrepresentation? What does it matter if it angers a lesbian fan that the writers who have a long history of misusing and conveniently copping themselves out when they write women and queer characters, seem to use that “expertise” as permission to do what they are supposedly combating?

G*ider, the hero himself, is on written record saying that it should not be second guessed as to why Cassandra is straight, just as he thinks it should not be second guessed that Dorian is gay. Yet, when he asked on Twitter if there was some moral significance to people modding character’s sexuality (in this specific instance, Dorian, actually), G*ider said that in the end, people’s mods “do not change” what he wrote, and that unless they claim their changes “supercede” canon, there’s no harm done. 

So, really, I’m just over here like -- is this ya’lls hero?

Why in the fuck would someone be modding a gay character to be bisexual or heterosexual, if they didn’t somehow believe that version “supercedes” the canon rendition? Secondly, where is the attention to the fact that, in an ensemble of multiple romanceable characters, Dorian has to be the one that has to be sexually and romantically accessible to those outside of his canonical realm of attraction?

I mean, for fuck’s sake, it’s the whole virtue grounding his companion side quest, the fact that he is estranged from his Father who tried to magically change his orientation! This is a crucial part of Dorian’s entire journey to serving the Inquisition, and serving Tevinter as a dissident.

But, you know, it doesn’t change what G*ider wrote. And he’s correct, it doesn’t change what he wrote, which he got credit, money, and esteem for. It doesn’t change that if you load up the base game, Dorian’s gay. In G*ider’s head, that is the protective force: the parts where he has ties, and not the culture of the fandom, the culture the fans who helped fill his pockets from that game have to dwell within. This isn’t revolutionary, this isn’t good-faith representation. This is getting a piece of the rotten-sweet pie and saying “let bygones be bygones, you toxic, funky heteronormative assholes!”

But, where are my manners. I’m getting heated, aren’t I?

Basically, if you condemn queer fans for calling out queer bating -- or any marginalized fan for throwing up the alarm for bullshit -- and your first reaction is to side with folks like G*ider who got theirs and said screw everything else, fuck off. Literally, fuck off. I call Cassandra’s circumstance queerbaiting because she’s one example of writers getting their cake and eating it, too. If they are so aware of just how much of their fanbase is marginalized folks, they don’t get to say they don’t have fingerprints on things like queerbaiting. You don’t get to be acclaimed and excused for the shit you say you are combating, which is the source of that acclaim. And if your claim is happy ignorance, then you definitely don’t get to blithely equivocate when fans do ask you why the story happened the way it did. 

I also just want to keep in mind here that there’s a deductive conclusion to be had about this, given how La*idlaw explicitly stated they endeavored to make Cassandra extremely hot, “really enticing.” That conclusion is: 

(1) Either they aren’t/weren’t nearly as attuned to their queer audiences as they generally claim to be, or 

(2) They were, and had no intention of developing compassion or empathy passed G*ider talking out of his ass about why Cassandra was developed as straight. Which, ultimately, does coincide with conclusion (1) more than not. 

No matter what, the contour to the conclusion is: wow, a taste of nauseating objectification, in the BioWare writer’s room. Who knew!

It’s no wild accusation to make to a writer like him and his colleagues, that they don’t know how to handle sapphic, wlw, and/or queer-related storylines, especially with women. Especially when the answer seems to be, “well, it was decided before I took the lead, and in any case, why question it! You wouldn’t question a gay character’s orientation!”

But that’s just it, you complete and utter turnip. People did question Dorian’s sexuality. People do question Dorian’s sexuality. That fantasy world of equal bearings is as insincere as it is out-of-touch. And why not, when, as you said, 

it doesn’t change what you got paid for.

The ethos seems to be crudely reflexive: people’s phobic interpretations and alterations of the canon do not matter, but then again, why would you even question why a character is straight? Why would you question my narrative vision, in all of its beautiful shittery?

It’s all a game of dodge, ya’ll. Dodge, dodge, dodge. With a strong and acidic dose of vanity. 

So. In summation, folks: I could care less for your false equivalences. I could care less about my contribution of queer content fucking up your good time in the meta tags. Obviously you aren’t there to actually engage in creative, exploratory thought, so why bother reasoning. There is more to the possibilities of queerbaiting than stringing along a could-be, would-be, should-be queer storyline directly. There’s knowing your audience enough to exploit your good graces with them. There’s benefitting from a charade of liberal progressive clout. There’s the ability to foresee that queer people will cathect to a given character, and not only denying an experience they could have, but denying it so harshly that the character says they can’t love yours because you’re female. 

And I am so, so, so sick of these people continually enriching themselves off of the “nobody’s perfect” grace. To me, that grace is the promise of good faith, and the intention to do right by people. When that isn’t there, the grace isn’t going somewhere where it’ll be appreciated, that it will be nourished by. I mean, fucking hell, people, this is rainbow capitalism: don’t you taste it?

That’s that, then. “Cassandra and Queerbaiting Rant,” one year on. An extra dose of salt, just for the haters. 

[pathogenic]

Chapter 2: The Prophet

Shorter than Chapter 1, but let’s fucking goooooo

Prologue

Chapter 1: The Necromancer

Chapter 2: The Prophet

Chapter 3: The Hag

Chapter 4: The Brigand Vvulf

Chapter 5: The Brigand’s Cannon

Chapter 6: The Drowned Crew

Chapter 7: The Siren

Chapter 8: The Swine God

Chapter 9: The Formless Flesh

Chapter 10: The Ancestor

Epilogue

Be weary, there is a violent death here.

Our frontline fighters still needed time to recover as they were just as badly burned as I had feared. I knew Reynauld would be fine. He was a young and healthy man and was capable of recovering quickly, but I had to admit that I was worried if Baldwin would come out the other side of this. Burns on top of his condition was a recipe for disaster, but I should not have doubted him. His will is the strongest I have seen in any man and I had to wonder if he was even human.

Still, I did not feel it was right to send them out to battle just yet. I would rather allow them to rest before I ask them to put their lives on the line again. Besides, it seems that until then, they’ve picked up things to do around the Hamlet to keep their mind off of the stress. Some may be a little less than honorable, such as Dismas and Reynauld’s less than honest gambling, but Julia, Baldwin, and Paracelsus have been seen around the Hamlet either aiding repairs or offering service to the townsfolk to help them. It warmed my heart to see the town starting to recover and heal from the tragedies they have seen.

With them out, however, I have been forced to keep a look out for more heroes to aid our quest. One came to us late in the evening. He said his name is Alhazred and that he is an esteemed professor from a distant University. Further research indicated this to be true, but I was not overly familiar with his studies as I never truly even touched occult studies before I arrived at the Hamlet. After our adventures against the Necromancer, however, how could I turn him down? He would know far more on the topic of the arcane and the supernatural than I ever would. The fact that he was capable of combat despite his frail appearance was just another point in his favor.

Once he was hired, he set upon his work, requesting access to the library that my Ancestor had made. I granted this, but I told him there wasn’t much to see that I was aware of. He was understandably disappointed, but still, he has been there every day I have not called upon him, diligently working away. I also managed to get the old books from the dungeon pulled and brought to him. He seemed more satisfied with those, despite being as damaged as they are.

Alhazred was not the only person to arrive to my Hamlet, however. A brash woman who announced herself as Boudica came in one day and loudly challenged Reynauld. He, thankfully, refused, but an older gentleman that had arrived earlier that day that I had not had the chance to meet with just yet. Reynauld told me that the fight was nothing short of awe-inspiring. The man Boudica had challenged is an old war veteran by the name of Barristan, so it was a battle of old knowledge versus young wit. Boudica came out on top, but just barely. Despite blowing through a table (which they mercifully paid for), I allowed both of them to serve the Hamlet. I admit that I was hesitant with Boudica, being as young and brash as she is, however a conversation with her laid my fears to rest. Despite her behavior, it appears she had nowhere else to go and genuinely wished to help. Perhaps she hoped her earn her keep into the Hamlet, and I found it heartless to say no.

With a new crew assembled of Barristan, Boudica, Julia, and Alhazred, we headed for the dungeons once again with the intent of making sure there was nothing undead left behind within them. As we ventured deeper, we did find some more of the cultists. However, since I did not see anymore moving skeletons, I think it is safe to assume that while they do have some dark arcane powers are their beck and call, they are not capable of Necromancy. The idea brought me some peace.

We traveled beyond the chamber we fought the Necromancer and his minions in and found some undead shambling further within, but with no master they were disorganized and disorientated. I was fooled into thinking this was going to be a simple task as we cut through their ranks. By the time we reached the last door that we left unopened in the dungeons, I had put the prophet out of my mind. What a mistake that was.

I opened the doors to a grimy old man sitting upon the floor. His head and one hand were firmly locked inside a stockade. His other was free and was closed in front of him in a gentle fist. I came to the conclusion that he must have been holding something fragile, but at the same time he did not want the world to see what he was holding. When we entered, he lifted his head. There were old wraps that draped from his head and over his eyes. There was blood over where his eyes were, and I had a sinking feeling about what he was holding.

For a moment, his expression was blank before there was a look of contempt on his face. He asked if I knew what I had done the moment I set foot in the Hamlet. I had to admit, I did not know how to respond to such a question and begged for his pardon. This did not seem to be the answer he wanted as he pushed himself onto his sinewy legs. I asked for him to explain further since I was uncertain as to what he was talking about. This irritated the man and he flew into a tirade about how he tried to warn my Ancestor once, but “look what happened now”. He even claimed that short-sightedness must run in my family for me to arrive here.

Then all of a sudden, his rant was done before he gave a sigh. A smile crept upon his face. He claimed that he “would end the cycle”, though at the time, I had no clue what this meant. All I know is that he held out his free hand and exposed his two gouged eyes to us. He claimed that he could see the ceiling of the dungeon caving in and would cause grievous injury. I was about to speak once more when I suddenly felt Barristan rush and grab me. He pulled me close and held his shield over our heads as a boulder collided. I could hear him cry out in pain from the weight, but we were alive.

Julia, on the other hand, was crushed under the weight as Boudica could do nothing but move out of the way before it got the both of them. The sound of her body breaking is not one I would forget anytime soon.

I admit I did not pay much attention to the battle from there as I was so shaken by the death of Julia to notice much. I had experienced loss prior to this, but never something so sudden and violent. I can’t say I know of anyone who was able to process the first time they saw someone die like this. The idea that perhaps I could have done something to protect her played in my mind on a loop despite the fact that I know it was not something I could have prepared for. How could I have known the Prophet had such terrifying abilities?

What I do know is that eventually there was a hand upon my shoulder. Barristan pulled me away from the side of the boulder, away from what I could see of Julia’s body. I looked over and saw the corpse of the Prophet laid open, wondering when the world had moved on without me. He never took his hand off of me as he helped me out, leading me back towards the Hamlet. No one said much of anything during that trip back.

It took me a few days to truly process what had happened. We eventually sent in Reynauld, Boudica, Dismas, and Barristan in to fetch what they could of Julia’s body. Her grave now is by the Abby that she tried her best to tend to. Reynauld picked up that duty in her stead.

As for me, I attended the service, and then I found Barristan and Reynauld and made a request of them. I do not want to leave the heroes I have employed on their own. I plan to travel with them as often as I can as it is my duty to ensure the corruption here in the Hamlet is driven out. I did not want to be dead weight to them any longer. I asked for them to teach me how to use a blade and how to be a tactician. They seemed to understand why I was asking this of them and agreed to my requests.

In the following weeks, Barristan taught me the basics of planning ahead for these types of battles. He taught me how to think about formations, weighing out our fighter’s strengths and weaknesses, and how to read the enemy. Reynauld drilled me in the ways of a sword and helped me be fitted for some basic armor so I would be less of a liability.

While I know that what happened to Julia was not the result of me being inept as a fighter, it did bring me some comfort to know that no one else would die because I couldn’t even raise a blade to defend myself. I suppose a way, it was me trying to do better for everyone in the Hamlet.

[skyaches-aa]

This is a VERY LONG post about my portrayal of Avexis post Dawn of the Seeker. It details not only her experiences up through Trespasser , but also her companion quests as she has the capability to be involved in every game. This was originally posted to my inactive OC blog but I rewrote it here with some improvements. DO NOT RE.BLOG !

Avexis was led to believe that the Chantry and the Circle are good and right and will protect her because she’s a ten year old girl who doesn’t know any better immediately following her capture. She had not been in the White Spire for more than a year before the cult took her. She had been an orphan since birth and nobody paid much attention to her , until her powers manifested exponentially when she started getting closer to double digits age. The templars were called and they treated her well , so she had no reason to fear. Afterwards , though , once her animal manipulation became evident , the disdain rose and finally showed itself after her capture when her powers were fully awakened. She quickly came to fear the place she thought would teach her how to safely use her magic. The moment a templar she thought she knew called her mage like he was spitting out something disgusting she knew she had to get out. It’s not safer in the Circle than out there. Out there , she can protect herself. Out there , beasts heed her every word and she knows what she must do.

She can’t put her plan into action until she’s got a better control of her powers while not under thrall. She tries her best to talk to the birds at the windows and the rats in the walls , but even at thirteen years old and enough experience to know better , she is not subtle enough. It’s not long before her jailers crack down hard and she hears whispers of Tranquility. She’s been afraid of them for as long as she’s known the concept and honestly she’s surprised they let her live this long. When they come for her , she has accelerated her plan. Swarms of the small , unnoticed creatures attack the templars and she flees to the kitchens where she had rats storing food for her journey. She escapes , no phylactery to speak of , and is free from the Circle.

It takes her several weeks of wandering the woods of Orlais to find a high dragon. Even as she approaches the Gamordan Stormrider , it terrifies her. This was easier when she was enthralled but this is the only way to guarantee her safety. Being under someone else’s control has made her wary of how she goes about her own powers , but finds it more of a persuasion that allows her to speak to creatures. It’s like her charms are enhanced and the beasts of the world can’t help but obey her. Including the mightiest of them all.

Slowly but surely , Avexis gains control of four high dragons : Asleatia ( meaning lady crowned with light ) , a female Gamordan Stormrider , the first she encounters at thirteen ; Isenril ( meaning rebel of many fires ) , a male Highland Ravager she finds a year after the Blight ends ; Eilhana ( meaning snow wilderness ) , a male Greater Mistral that she saves from hunters during Act II of DA : 2 ; and Terisin ( meaning a stone that lights the fire inside ) , a female Abyssal High Dragon that comes to her just after the explosion in Kirkwall. She knows that even as her power grows , she should not keep more than this firstly because they are difficult to feed , and secondly because she cannot draw too much attention to herself that she is deemed a threat to remove.

Her timeline , involving potential recruitment by each protagonist is as follows :

ORIGINS : Avexis can be found in the Forest , during the werewolf questline. She is eighteen years old , and will be suspicious of all Wardens , save for some slight preference towards a Dalish Warden , and a mage Warden that takes the option to discuss their magic will immediately be granted a loose trust. If questioned , she states she is looking for the source of the curse that is killing the elves here. She has been shown kindness by the Dalish in the past , as they were willing to help her ( the specifics of which are only revealed to a mage or Dalish Warden , and that is her magic ). Werewolves attack at that moment and she will be forced to reveal her magic anyways , which leads to the dialogue that will either secure her as a companion ( showing no hatred towards her magic , which grants temporary companionship until completing the quest ) or her running off with the sounds of dragon roaring in the distance ( stating that magic is wrong , causing her to leave immediately ).

After the quest is completed , she states that she believes in the Warden’s cause and wishes to join in the fight. If asked what her qualifications are , she mentions her magic , and then calls on Asleatia. The Stormrider will not be seen at camp , but can occasionally be seen flying overhead. Calling on the dragon is a special ability , much like Wynne’s , in terms of its combat use , but it can only be used outside and not in Denerim ( so the forest , travel , Redcliffe , Ostagar , etc. ). Asleatia will fly in and breath lightning and claw at enemies for the duration.

Her personal quest involves the dragon cult present in Haven. If combat is started before reaching Genetivi and she is present , the people will see her as an usurper , which will lead to the conclusion that they worship dragons. After confirmation , Avexis will approve of killing the cult , as they refuse to listen to reason , and will instantly attack the party for having her there. The dragons will fall under her control and can be looted without consequence when killed by cultists , but killing any yourself nets disapproval. The high dragon fight can be skipped altogether , but fighting it will cause her to attack and before she and her dragon die , she is flown away. With high enough persuasion she can be convinced it’s for the best , but it will still net extreme disapproval , setting her nearly to -100 if approval is low enough to begin with. If she is not fought , she will ask the Warden if she can be given control of the remaining dragons. She intends to raise the remaining eggs before releasing them into the wild. The Warden can disagree , and again only high persuasion that this is for the best can lead to no combat. Either way , the Warden will receive all loot the dragon would’ve had if it was killed.

This is the deciding factor of whether she is steeled , hardened , or softened. Raising the dragons leads her to release many into the wild within a year , though they seek places with enough resources and rarely attack people. She is grateful to the Warden and sends them aid when needed. The dragon mother dies during the year , however , which leads to Haven becoming repopulated and Avexis moving on. Killing the remaining dragons and eggs causes Avexis to be extremely depressed and secludes herself in the woods once again , until she finds Isenril , which brings her fire in more ways than one. Fighting the Warden leads to recovery until she finds her next dragon , and a hatred for the Warden , vowing to have her dragons kill them one day.

She can be romanced but only by Wardens who are very close to her age.

As an aside , a blood mage Warden will be confronted after their first instance of taking points in the skill tree and returning to camp. High persuasion can convince Avexis that you’re just doing this because it is like any other magic. Otherwise , you can either tell her it’s for power , wherein she will attack you , or that leaves her wary if you tell her but don’t convince her.

Default is softened.

II : Avexis , now 19 , has come to Kirkwall following the Blight because of the treatment of mages there. She can be recruited in the woods outside of Kirkwall , where she is investigating the location of dragon eggs. If helped , Hawke will eventually come to a mountaintop area where there is a sleeping dragon and her eggs. Avexis is excited but hunters come upon them. During the fight , right as they hunters are killed , a cutscene appear where Asleatia and Isenril appear and eat the remaining hunters. Unfortunately , the eggs have been damaged in the battle and the mother dragon is furious , and is out of control. Hawke can either suggest killing it ( the reasoning can either gain or lose approval ) , or allowing Ave.xis to calm it down ( which results in high approval ). After this she can be recruited. Her base is in the docks , which is a small home that has a secret exit to the Free Marches so she can be with her dragons. She can also control the dragon in the Bone Pit and release it , much like the dragon in Origins.

In Act II , you can find Avexis in a state of panic because she heard of a dragon in the area and a hunting party is being sent after it. After agreeing to help , Hawke can find that there are hunters and blood mages vying for the high dragon. She wants to kill both of them , but can be convinced to hear why both sides want it. The hunters think it has killed the cattle in the area , while the blood mages need it for a ritual to help other mages escape and they need a lot of blood but don’t want to kill people. Hawke can either kill both sides , which results in rivalry points , kill the hunters for friendship , or kill the mages for rivalry. Avexis will take the dragon either way , and name him Eilhana after nursing him back to health. There is an additional conversation for the mages that allows Avexis to promise her help to them so they don’t have to perform blood magic.

In Act III she has joined the mage underground. Her quest here involves helping escaped mages leave the area. Assisting her leads to a special map location that looks much like the mountaintop behind Merrill’s clan , where the mages are ready to leave. Templars come and attack , which leads to one of the mages performing blood magic. After killing the templars , Avexis turns on the mage and threatens him and any others that performed blood magic. She is clearly scared , and Hawke can either talk her down or convince her to kill the mage. Either way , her dragons appear to carry the mages who survived to safety. Her friendship route involves accepting blood magic as not inherently evil , and her rivalry route involves fostering her hatred for blood magic. A blood mage Hawke can have additional conversations where approval can be gained or lost , depending on how they frame their blood magic. Saves imported with a friendly blood mage Warden makes those conversations easier to net approval from , and hostile blood mage Wardens make disapproval easier.

She will not join a templar — sided Hawke no matter her relationship with them. Either way , she will eventually leave Kirkwall , and her end slide implies she flew away on an unfamiliar dragon.

Again , her dragon summoning can only be done outside and not in Kirkwall , but she does have added powers that are dragon related for her specialization.

She can be romanced with more age leniency here because she is roughly 19 — 29 years old.

Default is friendship route.

INQUISITION : Having gained her fourth and final dragon , Terisin , and heard of the end of Circles , Avexis plans to attend the Conclave to hear what is to be done. She has been fighting templars and helping mages all this time , and wants to know what the Chantry plans on doing , particularly the Divine , whom she still has mixed feelings over. She is not upset by the explosion save for lost mage lives , in the end. When she hears that someone walked out of the Fade and has the ability to close rifts , she offers her services. She sends a letter to Cassandra specifically , and she tells the Inquisitor that Avexis wishes to meet. The mage is marginally happy to see the Seeker , if brought , as she did save her , but she knows too much of Cassandra’s Chantry support and family dragon hunting to fully embrace her. Either way , they meeting takes place in the Hinterlands , in the Ferdelen Frostback fight area. If you have already killed the High Dragon , Avexis admonishes you , but states that ignorance can be fixed. If you have not , your companions comment that the dragonlings are gone and a cutscene will come where the High Dragon lands next to you and roars. Avexis will emerge and ask if you would kill it or let her handle it. Trying to kill it will result in the dragon flying away immediately with the mage on its back , and she will state that you are unworthy of her help and Cassandra should have picked a better Herald. Letting her handle it results in the dragon leaving peacefully , and Avexis offering to join the Inquisition. She can be found along the walls of Skyhold , where you are able to see her dragons fly by on occasion.

There is an option to save the High Dragons instead of killing them , now , and each dragon killed results in a massive approval drop. Additionally , there is a sidequest that can resolve or ruin Cassandra and Avexis’ relationship.

Her personal quest involves finding a surviving member of the blood cult that kidnapped her nearly twenty years ago. Previously imported games have an effect on her demeanor. Softened Avexis is confident facing the cultist , but her hands still shake. She will have him at staff — point but remain silent to hears his pleas. Hardened or steeled Avexis is cold and insists on killing him , and must be convinced to listen to him after telling him to stop begging. Rivalry route Avexis has an argument that a blood mage is a blood mage and he must die. Friendship route Avexis will ask the questions herself about why he did it. He states that he resorted to blood magic to escape the Circle and was coerced into joining up with the wrong people. They would have killed him if he left. When they kidnapped Avexis , he was the one who told Lazarro that the cult existed and needed to be stopped. He escaped during the attack on the Divine.

The Inquisitor can either convince Avexis to let him go , try him for his crimes , kill him then and there , or recruit him to the Inquisition if the arcane knowledge perk was taken. Letting him go results in disapproval , trying him results in approval ( the amount of which depends on whether you execute him , force him to work for the Inquisition , pardon him , or send him to the templars ) , and recruiting him there results in minor approval. Executing him results in minor approval , and hardens Avexis. Forcing him to work for the Inquisition results in high approval , and softens her. Pardoning him results in minor disapproval and softens her. Sending him to the templars results in high disapproval and hardens her.

High approval Avexis sends aid to the Inquisition often , and remains in contact with the Inquisitor via stones and visits. In her off — time she is often looking for Solas. High disapproval leads to Avexis leaving after Inquisition , cutting off all contact until Trespasser , and still looks for Solas. Softened Avexis continues to raise dragons , though only keeps her four. She hopes to find Solas and discover why he left , and cannot be convinced to join is cause during Trespasser. Hardened Avexis raises dragons still , but found Solas and joined his cause , giving some of her raised dragons to the fight. A friendship Inquisitor will be left sadly , while a low friendship Inquisitor will be told to fuck off. Either way , saving the dragon the qunari have will be made easier by having Avexis there.

Her dragons can come nearly full time now , considering the locations the Inquisitor travels , making her combat special move much more versatile , along with her dragon — themed spells.

She can be romanced by any Inquisitor.

Default is softened and friendly.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Running - Nick Jonas

so remember me saying that i want to write a nick jonas oneshot? well, i did lol

masterlist

The house is already buzzing when you arrive to Sophie and Joe’s place. Music is playing in the living room, the huge sliding doors are open, connecting the inside to the back yard where the trees are decorated with lanterns and fairy lights. A long table is set on the terrace, the kids are running around the pool, jumping in and out of the water while their laughter never stops.

“Y/N! Hey!” Sophie cheers when she spots you and you embrace her in a tight hug.

“Sorry, I’m a bit late, I was stuck at work,” you apologize for your delay, but she just shrugs it off.

“It’s alright, you didn’t miss anything. You want a drink?” she smiles at you pulling you to the table that is filled with different drinks.

You take a glass of wine and she does the same so you two can cheer to her birthday.

“Happy birthday, girl. Cheers to you!” You wink at her as you clink your glasses and both take a sip.

“Thank you,” she smiles happily.

“Y/N, hey! Didn’t know you’d be here!” Joe appears next to Sophie, gently putting an arm around his wife’s waist.

“Of course she is here, she is my best friend!” Sophie tells him with a not too pleased look and he quickly rephrases himself.

“I meant I didn’t know you’d make it.”

“I was just caught up at work, but I wouldn’t miss my bestie’s birthday,” you smile at Sophie bringing her smile back.

Someone calls out for the birthday girl and she excuses herself, leaving you alone with Joe.

“So how are you?” he casually asks.

“Everything is fine. Work is going great, I’m good,” you say nodding to yourself.

“That’s amazing.” He takes a sib from the Corona in his hand before clearing his throat and hitting a more confidential tone with you. “Um, you know Nick is also coming, right?”

“I figured,” you mumble into your wine glass, looking over the groups of people having fun in the backyard. “How is he doing?” you ask what’s been bugging you for a while now.

“How anyone would be doing after a divorce,” Joe scoffs. “He is keeping himself busy, tries to get himself over it. He wasn’t planning on having a one year long marriage.” He sighs sadly before turning to you, looking you in the eyes. “Maybe he’ll tell you the whole story, because I know he didn’t tell everything to us.”

“What do you mean?” you ask with a puzzled look, but in the back of your head you kind of already know the answer, you just don’t want to acknowledge it.

“You know what I mean,” he says giving you a look before his eyes move to something behind you and then back to you. “I’ll talk to you later, okay? Gotta mingle with the quests,” he quickly replies before turning around and making his way to another group.

You drink your wine up and pour yourself another round before heading inside to take a quick tour to the bathroom. You need to collect your thoughts.

Knowing that you’d meet Nick any minute is just stressing you out. You haven’t seen him in months and you are not sure how you feel about him. Before things got serious between him and Priyanka you had a fling with him. Maybe it’s not the best word, but you never really addressed what it was. You went on a couple of dates, spent some very heated nights together before he kind of chickened out. He told you he needs time to think even though you didn’t force anything on him. You gave him what he asked for only to be betrayed when he started going out with Priyanka and soon married her. It was just an absolute mess for you, because he never really gave you an explanation for his actions and you felt like you at least needed a closure from him. Two months into his marriage you finally built up the courage to confront him, but it just made things worse. He told you that he just couldn’t figure out his feelings for you and didn’t have the guts to face you again, this is why he never contacted you again. Then he talked about meeting Priyanka and that he found peace next to her, which just hurt you so bad. You were falling for him and hearing him talk about another woman was just not something you could put up with. You told him how big of an asshole he is and then left, haven’t talked since. You’ve had plenty of time to think since then and you wouldn’t call him an asshole now, you can’t punish him for having feelings for someone else, but you still thought this was not the best way to deal with the situation from his side.

Then the news of his divorce started circling the internet and eventually Sophie told you that they are true, Priyanka has already moved out of their house and they filed for divorce. You never thought they would end up like this, or not at least this soon. But it surely brought up some past feelings and thoughts about him that’s been hiding in the back of your mind and now you are just not sure if you are ready to meet him again.

You splash some water to your neck to cool yourself down and fix your hair quickly before leaving the bathroom. Crossing the living room you are just about to walk outside when you see him in the hallway and you basically freeze.

“Y/N?” he calls out, slowly walking towards you as you move a bit, facing him with your body.

“Hey,” you say with a small, nervous smile on your lips. He didn’t change too much since you’ve seen him, his hair is in a longer style now and his facial hair is definitely making a statement, taking a bit away from his babyface.

He finally stops a few steps away from you, taking you in with his gaze from head to toe and you feel yourself blushing.

“What’s up?” you ask wanting him to focus on something else than your appearance. His eyes flicker up to yours.

“Not much. Just… chilling,” he shrugs and you kind of regret this question. There’s not many options in answering it, he won’t just share everything immediately with you.

“Great! Chilling is… great,” you awkwardly mumble and mentally slap yourself. You are definitely unable to communicate like an adult, but looking into his eyes you don’t see contempt, he seems more like amused by you.

“So um… I was actually hoping to talk to you tonight.”

“Oh.”

“Would you mind if we found a quieter place?”

“Sure, let’s go,” you nod in agreement and follow him down the hallway until you reach the room that’s kind of an office for Joe.

Nick closes the door and you stand at the window with your army crossed on your chest as you look back at him. He seems to be looking for the words and you just patiently wait for him to speak up.

“I guess you already heard the news about me and Pri.”

“Kind of hard not to know it,” you let out a light chuckle. This is all people has been posting about in the past month online, it’s impossible not to know. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It was for the better.”

“How come?” you curiously ask.

“I…” He seems to struggle finding the right words, a shaky sigh slips out his lips. “It was too rushed, if only I waited I would have seen that it wasn’t meant to last and because we were married we tried to fight for longer than we should have. It was just… not right for us.”

“So nothing else?” You find yourself asking without even thinking about it. His eyes meet yours, and for a long moment his silence says more than any words, but you can’t decide how that makes you feel inside.

“I also came to some other conclusions,” he then finally speaks up and the butterflies in your stomach are dancing again. He tapes a few slow steps towards you, his eyes never leaving yours and it’s making your palms sweaty. He always had that special power over you, he could make you lose your mind with just one look, his charm is just simply irresistible.

“What conclusions?” you whisper, not feeling enough energy in yourself to use your voice.

He is now standing dangerously close while your mind is unable to make up a whole thought about anything.

“That I should have listened to my heart before. There was this girl that I really liked, still like,” he adds with a half-smile. “I was a fool and panicked. Thought I wouldn’t handle my feelings for her.”

“So you have feelings for her?” you ask, blinking up at him from under your lashes.

“I surely do.”

“Okay, go on with the story,” you say trying to hide your smile by biting into your lip, but it’s kind of useless.

“So I ran and hurt her by running into the arms of another woman. Which was a horrible thing to do, and I paid the price of it.”

The seductive smile fades from his lips and you feel so sorry for him. Whatever is the reason behind his divorce, it’s still hard and you’re sure he has been hurting lately. By instinct you reach up and cup his face in your hand, gently caressing his cheek as he basically melts into your touch.

“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve it.”

“I kind of did,” he whispers painfully. “But it’s alright, now I see clearer.”

“And what do you see?” you ask with a faint smile. All jokes are aside now, it’s time to play with open cards.

“I’m done with running from my feelings, Y/N. I just want to be with you after wasting so much time. I want to be with the woman I’ve been dreaming about every day in the past years.”

“Don’t say that,” you wince at his words. “Don’t make your marriage with Priyanka look like a total disaster. I don’t want to be the reason for the end of a marriage.”

“You’re not, it’s me. Because I shouldn’t have marry her in the first place when I was in love with you. I know it sounds bad, but this is the truth and she knows it too. She also made mistakes and we agreed on letting go each other to make each other happy.”

You want to throw yourself in his arms, you want to give all of you to him, but your rationality is still warning you. You can’t risk it all again if he is not in the place where you need him to be.

“What is you decide to run again? I don’t think I can take it again, Nick,” you confront him and you can tell he is hurt by your words, but you don’t regret asking it. You need to know.

“I’m done with running. I love you, I want to be with you, I want to wake up next to you, kiss you, make you breakfast, kiss you goodbye when you leave to work and then be the man you go to bed with in the evening. I want to hold you in my arms in the night and be the person you tell everything. I saw what happens when I try to fight my feelings, now I just want to give in and act up on them.”

You feel the tears building up in your eyes, it’s just impossible to contain yourself. You’ve been fantasizing about this moment for so long and it made you feel extremely guilty that you had these thoughts about a married man, but now is your time to finally live the way you want.

You hug his neck as his arms curl around your body, pulling you close to him.

“You’re such an ass that it took you so long to realize it,” you sob with a beaming smile.

“I know, baby. I’m so sorry, but I’m here now.” He chokes on his words before finally pressing his lips to yours.

It’s been so long, you almost forgot how his kisses feel, but now your toes are basically curling as both of you try to make up for the time you wasted without each other. His tongue is working perfectly against yours and you tug on his bottom lip with your teeth making him moan.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers with his forehead against yours.

“Hopefully you won’t miss me again,” you chuckle lightheartedly and he grins at you kissing your forehead before letting you go, but taking your hand in his as he pulls you towards the door, but you stop and pull him back.

“Wait, isn’t it too soon? You just filed for divorce, what will everyone say?” You worriedly ask, but he just smiles at you. He is about to reply, but before he could, a voice speaks up from the other side of the door.

“We think that it was fucking time!”

“Sophie! You just busted us!” Joe tells his wife off making you laugh. Nick throws the door open and Joe, Sophie and Kevin basically fall through it.

“Were you here all along?” Nick asks, trying to look mad, but he obviously can’t.

“We only arrived at the done with running part,” Sophie mumbles shamefully. “But… does this mean you are finally official?” she asks with bright eyes. Nick turns to me.

“From me it is. What about you babe?”

The charming smile is back on his handsome face and you just can’t get enough of him.

“It is,” you say, causing everyone to start screaming and cheering as Nick leans closer and kisses you.