#so he’s just like ok who needs friends i can thrive and lead a simple life without that nonsense anyway as a way to cope and it just sticks

[saetoru]

i think about what alhaitham’s childhood must’ve been like and i honestly make myself very sad thinking about it

[thebadboyfanclub]

You Can Do Better (Rio x Reader)

Requested by anon, i’ve posted this for the third time and tumblr is being a fucking asshole to the point were i’m thinking of quitting this since every week I get a new way of them hiding my works. Enjoy it while it lasts

T.W. mentioning of attempted rape

(Y/n) had been Micks neighbor for a few months before the incident happened, this absolute dumpster was the only thing she could afford at the time, fresh out of college, in a foreign country without any family, but she was hoping to moving quickly. However, when Mick was coming home, he heard her screams and cries for help from the bottom of the stairs, he had seen her once or twice, even baked him cookies when he first moved in, she was nice and a quiet neighbor. 

He found (y/n) being held down by two men in masks and one of them try to rape her, she was begging and screaming, he almost acted on instict when he shot the guy in the back, the other tried to attack him and he also ended up with a bullet in between his eyes. (Y/n) thanked him and Mick had to stop her from calling the police. Instead they called Rio. He was met with two dead bodies, A girl in her torn pajamas shaking and crying and Mick trying to calm her down.

“Those motherfuckers”

Was all he said, it didn’t take a genius to figure out what had gone down, Rio was a criminal and balls deep in despicable things, yet he was proud to say he had never laid hands on a woman nor a child. He kneeled in front of her, took a good look at her eyes, her entire body shaking as she looked at him, you could sense the trauma she had been through.

Rio had heard of her when Mick told him about this little girl next door that baked him cookies as a welcoming gift, he recalled how his friend laughed when he mentioned that the girl asked him his opinion about the next tattoo she wanted to get. Now this happy light hearted girl was replaced because two men thought they are superior.

“Hi sweetheart, I understand this is hard, we will take care of everything alright? You trust us?”

“I had locked the door, I was sleeping”

��I know sweetheart, it wasn’t your fault. We’ll take care of you ok?”

“Thank you”

-

Since Mick had vouched for her and Rio had seen her at her worst they felt obligated to take her under their wings, maybe even help her earn a little more money, get a good car, pay her bills comfortably, that sort of stuff. Until one day she asked to do more, get initiated

“Mama this isn’t the playground, we ain’t playing cops and robbers”

“I know, but you said I am learning quickly, why not teach me more?”

“Why you wanna do this? All of a sudden you feel like being a gangster? You were shaking in your shoes a few months ago”

“I’m done being your little child Rio, I want to hold my own. I will do this with or without you”

Rio looked at her with a serious face. She was growing, becoming fearless, ruthless, he had seen it coming, she was picking up more slack, asking more questions, she wanted to prove herself.

“You’re threating me mama?”

“And what if I am?”

She quickly not only proved herself, she became one of his most valuable members, she was his secret weapon, nobody would suspect a young little hotel receptionist being linked to them. She worked twice as hard and smarter than most if not all his men, advised him wisely and was always cool, calm and collected, she worked best under pressure. Scared little (y/n) felt like had never even happened, she was his soldier now, she had Micks status and Mick couldn’t be more proud, he had a soft spot for her.

“Hey mister policeman, Have some room for another criminal?”

She joked as she leaned at the door of her car, waiting for the new little boy toy to get out of the police station. Now the normal question is why is (y/n) around a police man, there is a two part answer to that. Great lover and also great cover, she was his little thing, so nobody would dare blame you for any crime, the girl of the police man being a gangster? it sounded like a joke.

“Depends on what crime we are talking about miss”

“I can think of a few, we can put those handcuffs to use”

As he approached her she smiled and took off her sunglasses. She looked amazing in her blue loose ripped jeans and a simple oversized white t shirt, a chain necklace around her neck and some nice rings on her fingers as her hair fell  in front of her breasts, wearing a pair of high heels to style it up.

How you doing gorgeous?”

“Oh you know, thriving and surviving. How about you, I thought you had a day off today”

“Yes but I got assigned to a new case”

“Ohhhh should I be concerned? any criminal on the loose?”

“Not really, we are trying to find a link for this Rio guy”

Jackpot, this couldn’t have gone better. She tried to contain her smile and leaned back on the door, acting like nothing had happened.

“Oh I think you’ve mentioned him before, what did he do now?”

“Lots of things but motherfucker always slips away, chief thinks he has someone on the inside”

“Like a dirty cop?”

“Yes, so he wants me to look into it”

“Look at you, leading a case... Sexy”

The guy smiled at her, he was completely fooled and hooked. She hadn’t told anyone about her plan of seducing him to get information, she didn’t need to up until this point, yet what she did not calculate was Rio seeing her outside the police station talking to a fucking cop, the outmost enemy and being all close and cozy to him, acting all buddy buddy in broad daylight.

“I’m glad you like it miss”

“There’s a lot of things I like about you baby, anyway I have to go, I have a shift to clock in to”

“I’ll see ya later?”

“Maybe. Bye handsome”

At that (Y/n) got in her car and drove away. Rio was pissed, the girl he trusted and the girl he wanted was flirting with a policeman, how could she? He trusted her, taught her everything he knew, gave her everything with generosity and she was becoming a cops whore? Of course it wasn’t just about flirting with a cop, it was flirting with someone that wasn’t him.(Y/n) was a charming woman, he found her extremely attractive and she was even better now with the confidence she had gained over time, she was a woman he craved, the woman he wanted to have on his side, a queen that could hold the keys to his kingdom. Now all this was slowly shattering, no there had to be an explanation and he couldn’t wait to hear it.

Of course he could not just appear at her workplace, she was gracious enough to arrange a room for him incognito when Beth shot him, yet they had to act like strangers so all he could do was wait for her. 

“Hey boss, sorry I’m late I had to take care of a few things”

“Like that cop friend of yours?”

She had barely closed the door of his office before he blurred it out, he had this whole plan of making her confess by herself, except when he saw her he lost control. Betrayal and confusion clouded his mind, as she stood there a bit dumbfounded for a quick moment before smirking at him.

“Stalking much?”

“I like to make sure my people are in line”

“Really? Is that why Beth is still walking around unharmed?”

He knew how much that had shook her up, (Y/n) took care of him almost as good as the doctor, she stayed with him until he fell asleep, helped him renew his bandages and anything else he needed, even though she never said it he was aware she was extremely concerned for him and he was grateful for her care, which made it even more complicated considering the fact that he was slowly becoming more addicted to her, needing and wanting more than she gave him.

“Let’s just cut to the shit, what were you doing there?”

“Talking”

“Talking? to a cop? what is this (y/n) huh?”

She sat in the chair calmly, any normal person would have either shit their pants or told him what they were planning right away. (Y/n) on the other hand found this amusing, she had grown tired of him doing things without considering the danger he was putting himself, especially when it came to Beth and the others, if it was anyone else they would have been six feet under the second Rio opened his eyes, now he had cut them in once again and had almost gotten Boss status.

 “Yes, one of your little ladies is married to a cop, what’s the issue with me talking then?”

“Last time I check you ain’t never flapped your gums to a fed”

“I don’t flap my gums Rio, I have conversations and if you really want to know he is my new boy toy. He also was the one that told me about your case, how the fuck do you think I got the information? By holding interviews?”

Rio didn’t know how to feel, she was still working for him, had used her privilege to get information for him that had saved him a lot of money, however the whole “boy toy” thing did not sit well, she liked him, she gave him her time and even though she was stringing him along, she still had him in her life.

“You did what you were supposed to do and you got rewarded, so why you still talking to him”

“Don’t start the bullshit Rio, I’m not your daughter nor your girl so why do you care who am i fucking with”

“Where’s your fucking respect to your boss (y/n)?”

“Respect? how about where’s the respect for yourself? You let the suburban moms do whatever the fuck they are doing and I’m getting shit for having sex and getting you info from the feds?”

He was pushing it, he knew that and he didn’t care, it was time to reveal his cards and she was going to do the same, whether she liked it or not. Rio leaned back on his chair, his hand rubbing his chin as he looked at her, sitting there and looking right back at him, she wasn’t lying he knew that, she had a point for the suburban moms and she had expressed her disapproval for the little thing that was going on between him and Beth. What he did not understand was if she didn’t like it cause she was a tad bit jealous or because it fucked with their money and reputation?

“You are something else you know that?”

“Yet you still question my methods, if I remember correctly I wasn’t the one that planted three bullets in you”

“You are scared of losing me mama?”

She did not respond, she just turned and looked away from him. Of course (y/n) had picked up his little flirty remarks from time to time, she would be lying to herself if she didn’t admit she had thought of how he would be in bed, how his embrace would feel, his raspy voice was enough to start fantasies enough to make a book.

“Let’s say I am, what are you scared of Rio? Why do you care who I’m sleeping with?”

“He is a cop”

“A handsome cop, I’m sure you noticed how nicely that uniform was on him, let me tell you it’s even better when he sweats”

“I don’t need to hear it”

“Why? Does it bother you Christopher?”

She raised herself from the seat and placed her hands on the desk, leaning closer to him and making her breasts show just enough as her back curved in a perfect little S, she focused in his eyes as her tongue went over her upper lip. Rio got closer to her, his hand reached her face, as he held on to the side of her head and his thumb went over the lower lip.

“You’re not for him mama”

“Why not?”

“A woman like you is not for no goody two shoes, you can do better”

“Really? like who?”

They could feel each others breaths, their faces were almost touching as they both spoke in whispers, this conversation was not meant for no one else, they didn’t even have to speak as their body language was saying everything it needed to be said. She felt her breath become more swallow, his scent was getting her a tad bit flustered and so was hers to him.

 He wanted to take her right here and then, just the idea of her naked body was enough to drive him wild, her hair was so soft he could only imagine them stuck on her face from the sweat, the most amazing part was her lips, soft and full that made his mind go wild with the need to feel them in his lips and his body, the doors to her moans.

“I can show you better than I can tell you”

“Let’s get it then boss”

[geminitarotmagick]

Please do a MX and Wonho’s friendship reading. Thanks 😊

Hi! This is a very loaded question considering everything that happened, but it's my civic duty as a ot7 monbebe stan to bring to you the current energy around Wonho and Monsta X's friendships.

Please be warned that this is not a fluffy reading where I just say "they're brothers and they love each other." As much as I'd like that to be true as a monbebe, we actually get into some deeper issues and feelings here, and this reading is being kept very realistic, even if we as fans might not want to hear that there are negative feelings.

But with that said, let's get into it! In the center, we have how Monsta X as a whole see Wonho (left), and how Wonho sees Monsta X as a whole (right). The top row is Wonho's friendships with Shownu, Minhyuk and Kihyun, and the bottom row is his friendships with Hyungwon, Jooheon and IM.

Cards used: Wild Unknown Animal Spirits, Light Seers Tarot, Way of the Panda Tarot Baby Panda Edition

So, we start with how Monsta X as a whole view Wonho currently, and we have the Camel, the Eight of Cups, and the Seven of Swords. They, as a group, admire the fact that Wonho really knows himself, and that he had the courage to do what he needed to do, and has been able to hold his own as a solo artist. He think it's really cool how he's sort of walking his own path and challenges the norms of being an idol and coming back from a scandal and doing the type of music and things he wants to do. However, they still hold in the back of their mind that he walked away. They know why he did it, and they know that he thought it was for his best interest, and that it was probably for their best interest as a group too. But at the end of the day, he still walked away, and there are some negative feelings that they harbor from that, which is totally understandable.

Next, we have how Wonho sees Monsta X as a whole, and we have the Elk, Temperance and the reversed Fairy Godpanda. He appreciates the fact that they still support him and are there for him, even after everything that happened, and I can see that their support is something that's really really important to him. However, he has a lot of mixed feelings when it comes to the group, and once again, that's totally understandable considering everything that happened. He sees them as a strong unit, and sometimes I think he wonders if they're doing better without him, and that leads him down a negative thought path that he doesn't really like. But he still holds all of his positive memories with Monsta X very fondly in his heart, and he wouldn't replace them for the world.

More detail on each individual member's relationship with Wonho under the cut.

Now, we have Shownu and Wonho's friendship, and for that we got the King of Cups, Judgment and the Five of Pentacles. They still hold a lot of love for each other, and as the leader, Shownu understands why Wonho did what he did, and realizes that he especially did it to look out for Shownu once his name started getting dragged through the mud as well. Shownu is very very supportive on Wonho, and Wonho is the same back to him. He understands that Wonho had pure intentions, even if he went about things the wrong way, and I think he sees that Wonho walking away has changed both of them, and their relationship, for the better, and the whole situation caused them both to grow personally apart more than they could've grown together. He admires Wonho and his patience and resilience in still striving to create music even after everything that happened, and that's why he'll always support Wonho's solo music.

Next, we have Minhyuk and Wonho's friendship, and for that we have the reversed Six of Cups, the Tower, and the Hierophant. Wonho walking away was a big event in their friendship, and it really hasn't ever been totally the same since. Minhyuk is definitely one of the members who didn't understand Wonho's reasoning as much as someone like Shownu did, so I can see that their friendship was definitely fractured for a time, but at the end of the day, Minhyuk was able to forgive Wonho for what he did, and also forgive himself for not being able to be enough of a support system that Wonho felt like he needed to do that. At this point, their relationship is different, but it's healed, and they learn a lot from each other, and I think they come to each other for advice when they need it.

Next, we have Kihyun and Wonho's friendship, and for this we have the Four of Cups, the reversed Eight of Wands, and the Six of Swords. This one is really interesting to me, because it seems like Kihyun was actually the member who was the most hurt by Wonho leaving. We know that they were close, and so sometimes it's the people closest to us that we hurt with our actions. I can see that Kihyun felt like Wonho was so focused on the rumors and on being self sacrificing that he didn't realize that Monsta X was there for him, and I think he's held resentment against Wonho for not letting the members be there for him and try to get through the situation together. Their friendship was severely damaged by Wonho leaving, and I think it was something that kind of left them not knowing how to approach each other. I can see that they're working through everything that happened and working to rebuild their friendship, but it's not something that's so simple. There's trauma and pain that they have to talk through together before they can really get their friendship back to a good place, but they are working on it and working to get to a better place together.

Next, we have Hyungwon and Wonho's friendship, and the cards we have for that are the reversed Three of Cups, the reversed Sun, and reversed Devil. This is another case of the fact that Wonho's actions hurt the ones he was closest to the most. I can see that most of all, Hyungwon was hurt that Wonho decided to leave the group without consulting anyone, and he felt left out. I can see that after that, it was hard for Hyungwon to focus on Monsta X, and that he kinda felt disconnected from the group because of the negative energy surrounding it all. There was definitely a need for them to make amends and talk things through, and even tho they have, I can see that there's still some repairs that have to be made to their relationship. Despite everything, I think there are still feelings of betrayal that Hyungwon has, and it hasn't been so easy for them to move past that.

Next, we have Jooheon and Wonho's friendship, and for them we got the Five of Pentacles, the reversed King of Pentacles, and the reversed Queen of Wands. I think Jooheon definitely worried about Wonho feeling ostracized and left out when it came to the group and moving on without him, so I think he was one of the members who stayed in touch with Wonho the most to make sure he was ok and check up on him. I think they cleared their grievances out pretty quickly and were able to move forward a little easier than some of the members. He also understood that Wonho needed to take time away partially to get his mind right again after all of the malicious rumors targeting him, so I don't think he ever took him leaving as personally as some of the other members might've. He didn't think it would've been right for Wonho to stay if he didn't feel like it was right anymore, so he admired Wonho for making the choice that was right for him at the time, and I think that actually inspired Jooheon to have the courage to take HIS hiatus when he was feeling anxious and needed to get himself centered again, too. I think their relationship is definitely one of the better ones of the group, and I think they both talked each other through their hiatuses and hard times together.

Last but not least, we have the friendship between Changkyun and Wonho, and we got the Ace of Cups, the reverse Six of Swords, and the Nine of Pentacles. Interestingly enough, even tho they weren't the closest while Wonho was in Monsta X, I think their relationship is actually better than ever now. Changkyun is someone who's very resistant to change, so I can see that he didn't want to accept that Wonho left, and that that was baggage that they both carried into their friendship for a while. But I can see that at some point, they decided to have a fresh start, and that since that happened, they've been able to thrive as friends in a way that they never really were able to before. Wonho leaving was actually the best thing for their friendship, and they've been able to transition into this new phase in their relationship with relative ease, and their relationship has been one of success and mutual support of each other.

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[madroxed]

the order (season two) thoughts.

so chotoranii asked me for my thoughts on the order season two. of which there are many. posting them here rather than in a reply so tumblr doesn’t fuck up the ‘keep reading’ break. 

SO MANY SPOILERS AHEAD, OBVIOUSLY.

OK FOLKS, LET’S DO THIS. SORRY ABOUT THE WORD COUNT.

the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible.

ok SO. overall i thought this season was so much better than season one, especially in terms of production and acting.

i should start by saying, the biggest twist of this season? ME LIKING JACK AS A BLOND. i’ve been dragging that hair for months and i end up digging it? i’m so mad at myself.

ANYWAY the first three episodes? flawless! beautiful! amazing! they honestly took everything i could have listed as wanting and put it onscreen. jack trying out for cheer squad and having to stay on cheer squad to keep up the act? them finding each other almost immediately? the jokes about orgies? jack taking the knights seriously and holding on to his anger over the memory wipe? lilith and nicole? nicole in general? RANDALL AND HAMISH FAKE DATING (however briefly, seriously, i will be writing fic where they have to keep that up because i am betrayed that it was never brought up again and if you think i didn’t throw my laptop across the bed so i could run around screaming you’d be wrong)? A MAGIC HEIST?

honestly, all perfect.

............then the season started to go downhill. don’t get me wrong, there were still some excellent parts, but they were hindered by two things:

the plot jumping about too much to be comprehensible.

the fact that we the viewers are supposed to believe that randall carpio and hamish duke would not tear the world apart for lilith bathory immediately. 

the first is forgivable; the first season’s plot was a simple enough device that meant it dragged a little at times. this season they seemed to not want to fall into that trap again, but in doing so threw something so big in that they needed far too much exposition because they didn’t have enough time to show it (a trait they fell into in a lot of ways, we’ll get back to that). SHOW, DON’T TELL, FOLKS. that being said, i really liked salvadore as a character, and the idea of a group of people striving to make magic accessible to all was a cool moral quandary plot. 

the second is unforgivable to me, and led to the majority of my issues with the season. i understand the knights becoming members of the order (cool concept), i understand them struggling with conflicting loyalties because of it, but what i don’t understand is the fact that randall spent the majority of the season saying “let’s get lilith back!” only to back down at the first push back, and hamish was the push back. because......the order had other problems. IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO THE KNIGHTS OF SAINT CHRISTOPHER NOT PUT EACH OTHER FIRST AND SAY FUCK EVERYONE ELSE? 

(jack i understand, if only because we saw so much of it last season. his loyalties are kinda flaky. i do understand his loyalty to vera; not only did she play a huge part in taking down edward last season, but the mind link thing and learning all her pain would have stuck with him. he loves a cause, that boy. also hey ho! jack was so much more likeable this season! we love to see it.)

also i just really missed lilith.

(thank fuck for nicole never giving up.)

the amount of callbacks to season one were fantastic. they didn’t just move on and leave it be, they referenced basically everyone, and seeing professor clarke and kyle again was a nice touch just to tie things together. there also being discussions about jack’s pete related trauma was great and necessary. 

ok, so alyssa. i take back my post about how great it would be for her to be the villain. this was so much better. her trauma in the wake of both season one and then accidentally killing someone leading to her feeling so conflicted and lost and alone? her magic malfunctioning when it’s all she feels she has? we’ve always known she was ambitious, but to see her face straight on the idea that she may be left completely powerless and no one really listening or trying to help her except a hive mind that’s also hurting her? o u c h. 

we saw this season that the real problem with the order is its motto of ‘hurry up and wait’. ‘we’ll save lilith.....just do all these other things first!’ ‘we’ll get alyssa’s magic back......there’s just more important things right now!’ it’s all so easy to see how that could frustrate someone so much they can’t take it anymore. 

i’m so pleased i loved alyssa so much this season. i desperately wanted to and i’m glad they gave me that. i just felt so much for her. she just wanted to not feel so alone and so helpless and so scared that she was going to pick the wrong side again. it was beautiful.

this also meant alyssa/jack was better this season. having got the insta-love out the way last season (ugh), this season they were able to actually look at how that would play out if you took ramifications into consideration. all the problems i had with them last season were vocalised onscreen, and this new unstable thing left in its place was far more appealing to watch. they were messy and bad for each other and they knew it, but that didn’t stop them loving each other. 

also: “if we get out of this, can i take you to the mall? because i really hate your jean jacket. and your hair.” 

in regards to the other relationships: 

lilith and nicole were adorable for the limited amount of time we got them onscreen. the slow crush to nervous dating was beautiful, and seeing lilith struggle with what getting her memories back meant in regards to that was great. we all know i thought the lilith/randall of last season was rushed, so having lilith torn over hurting one of the most important people in her life and following these feelings for someone new was lovely. IF WE GET A SEASON THREE I BETTER GET SO MUCH MORE OF THEM.

here’s the thing, putting aside lilith/nicole for a moment: the order can’t write good relationships (*with one major caveat).

hear me out. 

in season one it was insta-love. jack and alyssa meet and suddenly defending alyssa is the only thing that matters to jack. it....wasn’t good. randall and lilith were thrown together with very little build up and we were supposed to roll with it.

this season we had both hamish/vera and randall/gabrielle. i would like to say that theoretically i am here for both of these. but.

hamish/vera occurred off screen. oh, sure, we had a couple scenes of them staring at each other over drinks, but that was all we got until late into the season. we were told that hamish and vera were a thing by randall when he was winding hamish up. we didn’t see it for ourselves. again, this show’s habit of telling not showing is a problem. 

hamish and vera could make sense. two leaders of opposing factions having sort of hate, begrudging respect sex? i see it. from there, you can show us how it would become something more.

the show doesn’t. 

we’re told they’re together. we’re told hamish is forsaking his knightly duties in favour of vera. we’re told by hamish that he’s drunk the order koolaid, 

and all of this is supposed to culminate in us believing that hamish duke - tundra, leader of the knights of saint christopher, the most cunning of the wolves - would push aside everything else because he just believes that much in vera stone? to the point that he would all but abandon lilith and degrade his relationship with randall to randall being the annoying sidekick? 

i woke up at two a.m. to write a note on my phone that says: ‘the greatest tragedy of the order season two is hamish duke’s character assassination.’ and i stand by that. 

besides lilith’s absence for almost the whole season, it’s the thing i’m most mad about. i love hamish so much and to one-dimensionalise him in favour of a ship is...............shoddy work honestly.

so like i said. HAMISH/VERA COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD, BUT FOR FUCKSAKE SHOW, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY DEVELOP THIS SHIT.

randall/gabrielle was better developed. by which i mean we actually saw them interacting on screen. we got to see them begrudgingly working together, we saw him learn more about her, we heard them talk about her need to fit in somewhere. when they made the joke about being bffs? good stuff. would i like them to slowburn this shit? yes please. have them become best friends and then have those feelings be something else. i would really like that. the show just needs to.......slow down. not immediately see a single character and need to throw them into a relationship with the nearest person.

gabrielle was great this season. by which i mean, she was gabrielle, and we love some consistent characterisation. i think it’s so true to everything we know about her that she’d want to inject herself into the knights’ world; she wants to be part of the in-crowd, and right now that’s them. she’s also supremely jealous of alyssa because, to her, it seemed like alyssa had the best of both worlds. so, yes, her wanting to be around the knights and that developing into her begrudgingly liking them makes a lot of sense to me.

so, my caveat.

the relationship the order knows how to write? the knights. hamish, randall, lilith, and jack. that dynamic saved season one from being a total mess. that dynamic thrived in the early episodes of this season. IT’S JUST THAT GOOD. i said once that if the order just became greek (2007) but with werewolves i’d be happy, and the first three episodes really gave me that. 

THE KNIGHTS ARE EACH OTHER’S SOULMATES, ASK ME HOW.

is this an excuse for me to complain that they gave us a hint of hamish/randall and then cruelly snatched it away and i’m still mad about it? YOU BETCHA.

is this also my way of saying there wasn’t nearly enough jack/randall this season? YOU BETCHA.

removing lilith from the equation (I’M STILL SO MAD) and then having hamish pull away from randall because..........who the fuck knows, was just a recipe for disaster.

clearly lilith is the glue that holds these idiots together.

so, vera. katherine isabelle still just steals every scene she’s in. i love her. i love vera’s characterisation. i love that she’s shamelessly ambitious but also wants the order to succeed and the world not to end. i love that she can be cold and cruel and still have such soft spots for both jack and alyssa. i love that she can be vulnerable and angry about it. i just........think vera’s pretty fucking great, tbh.

i still don’t understand why the knights - after their infiltration revenge plans go tits up - decide to just go full on order. like??????? hamish and jack barely even questioning anything???? randall must have spent most of this season feeling so alone.

that being said, when jack said to nicole and randall that he knew what they needed to get lilith back and the conversation pretty much went:

jack: you’re okay betraying the order?

nicole: for lilith, anything.

randall: i’d literally betray the order for a cookie, haven’t you been listening?

we love to see it.

OH, HEY GUYS, REMEMBER WHEN IAN ZIERING AND JASON PRIESTLEY WERE MEMBERS OF THE ORDER AND JASON PRIESTLEY BECAME GRAND MAGUS FOR A HOT SECOND???? that was written solely for me. i do not know who this show thinks its audience is, but it understands me to my core.

so...............i have zero clue where the show intends to go from here. i just need alyssa to be ok and i hope - like his friend randall - jack is willing to kill whoever the hell he has to to make that happen. (we stan randall straight up murdering someone to get lilith back and making sure nicole remains innocent and safe tbh.) 

SO TL;DR: the early episodes gave me life. the show declined from there, but i still enjoyed it a lot. the order is at its best when the knights are a team, i loved alyssa’s story this season, and i have no clue what to expect from next season (if we get one). werewolf alyssa? villain jack, perhaps? we’ll see! 

THIS POST PROBABLY SEEMS TOO NEGATIVE BUT HI! I STILL LOVED THIS SEASON A LOT AND I LOVE MY KIDS WITH MY WHOLE HEART AND IF YOU READ ALL A MILLION WORDS OF THIS THEN I LOVE YOU TOO.

also if anyone has any hamish/randall prompts i’ll be hanging out over here crying into my hands for the next few weeks. FAKE DATING. how dare they?!

[swansstuff]

So uh, I've been thinking about a hypothetical Trucy Wright: Act Attorney and here is the very poorly written outline for it because yeah. No spoilers except the Apollo Trucy thing. Tw death, murder, blood and grieving so yeah.

Trucy's first case is literally her first ever case. This is a flashback case. We follow her as she wakes up, slightly stressed about today, Phoenix gives her cereal and a pep talk and a cryptic message. Trucy asks where Papa is, it is Miles, they are married. Phoenix is cryptic about that too. He stays behind as he "has to buy groceries" so Trucy heads into the office. Apollo greets her, it's clear they know they're siblings, and he hands her a case. Miles is prosecuting. She is fucking terrified. She goes to the crime scene, Gumshoe is the detective and he's educating his teenage sons, constant confusion of who's who, because they are twins and they look very like Gumshoe, it'll be kinda funny. Its a simple investigation. During the investigation, the player can check Trucy's profile and the profile system shows character's middle names now. We get some gems such as Klavier Hyacintha Gavin later on, the reasoning behind this is coz Trucy is nosy. The important one here is Trucy Mia Wright. She says something about how she chose her own middle name when Phoenix adopted her and she chose Mia after learning about her. Yada yada. Trucy wins the case. Edgeworth is very proud, Phoenix is in the gallery and there's a flash of him crying proud tears, Apollo hugs her afterwards, Athena congrats her.

Next case, flash forward three years later, we do not see Phoenix and nobody really mentions him. Thats because he's fucking dead but we don't know that yet. This case is a Fey case, we meet Maya who is married to Franziska and they're technically on honeymoon in Kurain and Pearl becomes the Maya to Trucy's Phoenix. Its another fey murder case. There are a few mentions of Trucy's admiration of Mia, mainly just a mirror of a few lines she's said and a conversation where her and Maya talk about her, Trucy says she would have loved to meet her and Maya explains how her spirit has been dormant for ages now and how she assumes she's moved on.

"If you want I can try and channel-"

"No no no no NO. Its ok!"

This is our first hint that Phoenix is no longer with us, but we don't know until later thats what she means. Sebastian is the prosecutor, the player finds out that Miles is taking a break from prosecuting work, Trucy already knew of course, and Sebastian is dubbed Chief until he comes back, Fran says

"It would've been me were I not on my literal honeymoon right now." We are not told why yet, but it is because of Phoenix. Kay Faraday is the detective, somebody murders someone and frames Maya, no-one is shocked by this. We also get an update on Iris, she's thriving. She wins yada yada.

Next case, a couple of months later, Trucy gets a call from a friend that the player can't identify at first. Its Katrielle Layton. She needs Trucy's legal knowledge because someone is sueing her detective agency because have you seen how they practice. This, of course, turns to murder and we get another surprise when we meet the prosecutor. Who probably has a licence to practise law in England? Simon Blackquill, he is British ok. Yeah, Trucy wins with Kat's help, we meet Ernest and Sherl and Alfendi and Flora if we have time. I miss them. Trucy and Kat have a conversation that cryptically addresses their fathers and their "whereabouts" and living up to their legacy. We see Trucy cry, but only a similar flash to AJ:AA and we do not know why. Yet.

Next case, flashback case. Trucy is the assistant on this case but we still play as her, even in the court sections since Phoenix is prepping her for the bar and getting her to give him the answers. The bar exam is only in three days. Klavier is prosecuting. The case somehow relates to Kristoph and there's the whole mirror dynamic thing of when Phoenix lost his badge. Kristoph is dead by now, but the whole thing is there was a plot inside prison to make Phoenix pay for putting a bunch of them in, Kristoph was the assumed ring leader until he died and the cops now dont know who's running it. Somebody (Godot? That would hurt big time) was their inside man, sent to figure that out, so when whoever it was turned up dead, the whole thing got exposed. We get a bit of a Mia moment in the trial where Trucy tells Phoenix to flip over the receipt (thats evidence for some reason). Phoenix says "I feel like that shouldn't be the second time someone has said that to me". The killer is found, by Phoenix, and put into isolation, as have most of the other participants. We then see Trucy get her badge. They have a conversation and Trucy says Phoenix basically forgot about it for a couple of months. The case closes with a foreboding "and I forgot about it too, until..."

Next case. Phoenix is fucking murdered. Trucy gets a phone call late at night, she hears laboured breathing on the other end and a "don't forget I love you" from Phoenix. Trucy pulls a simba and goes "dad? Dad?!!" And the line goes dead. The player is presented with a choice of who to call. They have two phone calls. Who they choose first makes no difference, but the second time they are forced to choose Ema who will trace Phoenix's phone call. They could call Apollo and he would comfort her, Miles would panic, Maya would say he was just messing around, Athena would sense her distress and say she's coming over etc. You could attempt to call Phoenix back but he would not answer and you would be allowed to call someone else. Ema then traces the phone call and we follow Trucy to the crime scene. We get a truly haunting cutscene where everything kinda goes blurry except Phoenix's face and the blood. Trucy doesn't cry. She stands there in shock. The WAA is there in various states of shock and upset. Return of grieving Apollo I guess. Miles turns up and the look on his face is haunting. Trucy and him make eye contact and they share the thought of something has to be done. And then. "The bar association took me off the case and Papa too, they said we were too close to it. As a result, we never found out who did it... Until now." And we see a determined Trucy face. We jump forward to where we last saw Trucy, she and Pearl are coming back from England and its a bit more cheery. Trucy sends Pearl on a train back to Kurain and heads on home. She enters the house and we see Miles pouring over Phoenix's case. He jumps up and runs towards her.

"Trucy! I think I have a lead, I-"

"Papa, you're tired, go to bed." (Or better dialogue along those lines)

Its clear he's been doing this sort of thing a lot.

"But I do! At least...I think I do..."

He trails off and rests his head in his hands.

"Do I? Or am I just a mess?"

Trucy gives him a sad smile.

"C'mon let's go to bed."

Miles returns the sad smile and fades out like all ace attorney characters do. The player is given the option to look around. There's probably some emotional dialogue and bits that give clues to how she and Miles have been fairing the past 3 years. Answer is, not very well. Examine the pile of papers on the table. Trucy will take a look and then realise her papa may have actually been onto something. Its a diagram of which prisoners knew each other, with an arrow from each leading to a defense attorney we have never met. Trucy is confused, but she calls for Miles anyway. He comes back downstairs and Trucy asks him about this lead he found.

"Well I realised all those prisoners would know this defense attorney (insert name?)"

"Why? And why would they be suspicious?'

"They (pronouns?) Were always the defense attorney who would take on the cases of those Wright had already accused. They gained a reputation of being the doomed defense attorney."

"So... They knew all the prisoners in the plot and they had a grudge against daddy... Papa I think you're onto something!"

And the case continues, since we already know who's been accused, it plays out more like an investigations game, Trucy has to prove it, with Miles' help of course, literally every other character we know and love plays a part in making sure this guy gets a guilty verdict. There is still a courtroom bit and a moment when all is looking dark, Trucy literally has a full on breakdown as the Judge threatens to remove her from the case again. Miles is by her side, they're both technically prosecution here i guess. Miles, however, is too deep in his own mental breakdown to help. Everyone else is in the gallery besides Pearl. Pearl channels Phoenix as a last hope sort of thing. Phoenix comforts her and tells her to keep fighting, he touches her badge and probably says some sort of bullshit about it. The Judge is about to bang the gavel when Trucy and Phoenix object at the same time. Miles looks up and realises whats going on and he objects too, a little later. The battle goes on until it finishes and the other attorney has a breakdown that steals little bits from every other murderer Phoenix has put behind bars.This is the one time seeing the word guilty on your screen feels good. There's a whole heartwarming celebration at the end, Phoenix sticks around for a little bit and everyone gets a bit of closure. Its assumed he's gone since Pearl passes out and Trucy dips out for a sec. She's away from the festivities, staring at the badge in her hand and we see someone coming up behind her. Maya is channelling Phoenix now. He gives Trucy a hug and utters the words "the only time a lawyer can cry is when its all over and, Trucy darling, my light, its over." Echoing both Diego and Mia.

And the screen fades to black with a final hug between father and daughter.

:)

[obi-wan-is-babe]

A Rebel on All Accounts

Relationship: Cal Kestis x f!Reader

Summary: You never thought of the universe at large until you had to deal with the Empire, the Rebellion, and Cal Kestis. *whump*

Key: Y/N= your name

*requested by @ksmy-99 :  If your still doing requests, can we have a Cal Kestis x reader where there on a mission and the reader gets injured, then Cal finds them and freaks out a little, but everything is ok in the end? That was long. Thank you!!*

---------------------------------------------------

Y/N never planned to join the rebellion.

Her plan was to steal from the Empire and give to the people for as long as she could, until she got caught. Never did Y/N think that there was a greater cause doing the same at a much larger scale.

Her homeworld was a smaller one, not well known but well cared for by its people. When the Empire came to it, it caused an unreasonable shift in the resources. The people had little already and now they had none. The Empire had taken all the able bodied men into work camps and left women and children to fend for themselves. Y/N could not stand by and watch her neighbors get weak and the children starve. Her own father, the only family she had, was taken from her, so she found herself angry and rebellious of the Imperials.

When a rag-tag group caused trouble during one of her routine operations, she found herself aboard the Mantis. There she ended up joining them through a little persuasion, and a promise, on Cal’s part.

---------------------------------------------------------

“Cere? Are you sure this place will have anything,” Greez’s voice rang through the ships intercom, “The Mantis is reading only small pockets of life forms.”

Cere rolled her eyes and turned to Cal and Merrin. “We will refuel here and grab rations. Be careful. The people here are broken and scared, don’t give them any reason to turn to the Empire.”

As they landed, Cal looked over the town. It was small, very little life seemed to thrive in it. The streets were fairly barren and the people, from what he could tell, looked fragile. They unloaded into the space port and Greez set about getting the Mantis refuel and repaired. Cere lead the others into a very small marketplace. Cal tread carefully, knowing the devastation that had combed through the streets. 

Cere casually lead them to a couple crates with the Imperial logo on them. While avoiding drawing unwanted attention to themselves by the locals and the troopers, no one saw the girl on the other side doing the exact same thing.

Cal was just about to turn around and grab his crate when he found his hand grabbing at air. Confusion swept across his face as he turned to see his craft being carried off by a mysterious girl. In his moment of confusion, Cal forgot to look out for troopers.

“Hey! You there! Halt!”

Cere immediately turned around and found Cal crate less and troopers closing in. “Cal, what happened?”

“I...don’t....I mean,” he pointed a finger in the girl’s direction, “Her!”

“Well, let’s get moving!” Cere grabbed Merrin’s arm and started running with Cal on their heels. They ran through the market, dodging blaster fire. Making turns without knowing where they were going, the group found themselves on top of the thief who took Cal’s crate.

Cal stumbled a few steps when he saw her. “It’s you!”

“It’s me, but more importantly,” she pointed behind her, one hand guiding the crate in front, “It’s them!”

Cere looked at the girl as she ran and made a quick decision to trust her. “Follow us, we’ve got a ship not far from here. Cal, help her with the crate.”

The two ran side by side as the girl took the lead and guided the group to the space port. They lost the troopers a few turns back and slowed to a more leisurely, less suspicious, pace. They entered the port and Merrin shut the door as soon as they all entered.

“What happened with the mission?” Greez descended the ramp, “I heard a lot of ruckus being made for a stealth operation.”

“Well, my crate is already on the ship, as I’m sure you saw, and we have Cal’s, but Cere’s has been left behind.” Merrin turned to address Cere, ”We need all three, do we not? How will we retrieve it?”

“Don’t worry about that right now Merrin. Our new friend here might be able to help.”

And all eyes turned to Y/N.

-----------------------------------------------------

Y/N sat on the couch with all eyes on her. She scanned the ship, getting a lay of the land, waiting patiently as the crew bickered among themselves. Finally, Cere spoke up.

“I am Cere. What is your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Do you live here?”

“This is my homeworld, yes.”

“Are you a thief?”

“In a sense...”

That seemed to pique her interest. “Explain yourself, please.”

“The Empire starves women and children, takes our men, and ruins our lives. If I am considered a thief, it would be by Imperials. By my friends and neighbors, I am a helping hand.” You sat up straighter as you spoke, you knew these people held no sympathy for the Empire, especially since they stole from them as well, but you weren’t sure if they were more than common thieves themselves.

Merrin spoke up, “Admirable motives for a thief, the makings of a good rebel, no?”

A smile spread across Cere’s face, “A very good rebel, indeed.”

Before they could confuse you more, you asked, “What do you mean a rebel?”

“A rebel against the Empire,” Cal began, “There are more people like you, who are angry with the Empire and what they have done to everyone in the galaxy. They take action against the Imperials, ruining their supplies and hindering their work. We,” he gestured to the family around him, “are part of that rebellion.”

Y/N looked at them with a new sort of admiration. She never thought that anyone could feel as she felt. Then again, the Empire would never admit anyone opposing them. 

“They took my father from me,” she admitted. “They took all of the men from my...village. I came into town to try and find out why and where they went, but no one knew. After that, everything seemed to fall apart. The troopers kept taking from us, more than we even had for ourselves. Mothers were watching their children suffer and I was finally fed up with watching everyone’s pain.”

Cal saw her pain written across her face as she told her story and his heart ached for her plight. Cal wanted nothing more to free her homeworld of the Empire, to find her father and help reunite them, but he knew that could not happen until the Empire was defeated. He promised himself that they would free her world and the rest of the galaxy, if it meant he would never see pain like her’s again.

“I hate to interrupt such a tender moment,” Greez cut in, “but we still need to get that last crate of supplies. We can’t leave without it, people are depending on it.”

“But what about the people here! We need it too,” Y/N stood quickly, with regality, and got in his face, “I will not let my people starve!”

Cere rest a hand on the girl’s shoulder and turned her around to face her. “With these supplies, we can help your world and many others, but you have to trust us.” Cere looked Y/N in the eye and reassured her.

Y/N nodded. She took a deep breath then looked at the crew, “How can I help?”

-----------------------------------------------------

The plan was simple, Merrin would distract the troopers, Cere and Greez would finish getting the Mantis prepared for take off, and Cal and Y/N would retrieve the crate. With her extensive knowledge of the town, Y/N would be able to guide Cal easily away from Merrin distraction and get the crate loaded onto the ship.

Y/N peaked around the corner and held her hand up to halt Cal until the troopers had walked away. She quickly waved him forward and they shuffled to the next corner. This time Cal took a quick look to see if the way was clear.

He turned back with his eyebrows turned down with worry. “The supplies are more heavily guarded. We will have to wait for Merrin’s distraction before we can do anything.” He slid down the wall and sat, Y/N did the same.

Only a few moments later did a commotion rile them from their position. Cal looked out again and saw a couple of troopers run in the direction of the noise. Four remained to guard their supplies. He turned to Y/N, “Four stayed behind, we can take them, but we’ll have to fast.” She nodded and the two began to sneak up to the troopers.

Carefully, Cal used the force to knock over a couple crates to distract the troopers. Two walked over to investigate, leaving the crate that Y/N was going for basically unguarded. She hit the button and it hovered. She slowly pulled the crate into the alley where Cal was standing.

“Hey! Halt,” one of the troopers who investigated and turned around to see Y/N with the crate.

“Run, Cal!”

They took off down the alley and ducked blaster fire. Once again they found themselves running from blaster fire and pushing a crate. Y/N lead them down another alley to find even more troopers.

“Wrong way!” She quickly spun them around and they took the first turn they saw, with even more blasters shooting at them. Y/N stumbled for a moment, a blast coming close to them, and Cal began running even faster. They took a few more turns, each one lessening the amount of blaster fire coming at them. Finally, the space port was in sight and Merrin stood outside of it waiting for them. When she spotted them, she vanished the crate, and herself, onto the ship itself. Cal and Y/N had to quickly catch themselves and slow down once they entered the port. Cal hit the panel and the door shut.

They both stood by the door for a moment, trying to catch their breath. Cal watched as Y/N clutched her side and leaned against the door. “We...we did it,” Cal panted, “We’re safe.” Cal then looked closer at Y/N, noticing how pale she looked, “Y/N? You...okay?”

Finally, Y/N pulled her hand away from her side. The skin was soaked in a deep red and the look on her face turned sour. “So, slight problem.”

Y/N collapsed to the ground.

-----------------------------------------------------

Cal had quickly gotten Y/N into the medbay as soon as she hit the ground. Cere had begun to care for her along with the medical droid as soon as she was lying on the cot. Cere had shooed Cal out when he wouldn’t stop asking questions. When Cere had finally exited the medbay, she found Cal pacing outside the door.

“Cal, please, go lay down. You can do nothing for her by pacing out here. We will get her to the rebels and she’ll get better care. Bacta can only do so much right now.” Cere grabbed him by his shoulders and steered him toward his quarters.

When Cal woke from a restless sleep, Merrin told him that they had transferred Y/N to the main cruiser's medbay. Cal ran into the medbay and found Y/N in the first cot. Her wound had been bandaged and color seemed to return to her face, but she was still unconscious. Cal sunk to his knees next to the cot  and rested his hand on top of hers, looking for any moment.

“It’s a good thing your crew got her to us so quickly,” the medical attendant commented, “Her highness’ wound was severe, but she will survive.” The attendant gave Cal a soft smile then left.

Before her words registered, the attendant was gone and Cal was left in wonder.

“Her highness?”

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: Schooled!

Season 5, and regular coverage begin! The loud house finally moves into a new year chronologically: Lincoln and Co move up to Middle School but find themselves seperated when LIncoln accidently signs up for the wrong class and ends up with a mean teacher and frienemy chandler, and then ends up commuting to a Canadian school instead. The Canada part is more believable than a middle school not having multiple teachers for multiple subjects frankly but more ranting on that later. Meanwhile in order to get Lori moves on to college only to find every dorm is a comedic set piece, and Lynn Sr and Rita try to get Lily ready for pre school by potty training her. Finally in all this chaos Leni ends up attending pre school. Again still more believable than the single class thing. Ramblings about well guess, how amazing it is the show has lasted this long in this day and age, my thoughts on Lynn Jr being kind a obnoxious. 50% chad and my lessened hatred for rusty. Which again I assure you is more believable than the single class nonsense. Back to School, under the cut.

Welcome readers new and old to regular coverage of The Loud House! Couple of reasons for that. The first is, like amphibia, so I don’t fall behind as I tend to procastinate and let episodes of shows pile up, and i’m tired of it. The second is that I feel we need more Loud House content on this site that’s not loudcest, people shipping sam and lincoln soley to try and get back at the show for having a gay couple, and some weird stuff I can’t quite unwrap because i’m old. And keep in mind I understand 50% chad just fine.. look at him. 

So yeah I have a feeling young or old, i’m not the only one scared to go int here and hopefully I can give ya’ll something fun to look forward to or worth sifting through it. 

Now i’ve covered the show before.. 4 times in fact, having covered Brave the last dance as a one off way back and having covered ALL THREE SALUNA episodes during pride month. So check those out if you want my previous thoughts on the show as a whole, my faviorite character and her special lady, and me ranting about rusty/.. and we’ll get to him. But i’ve got a lot to talk about, some of it not directly about the episode so pitter pat er let’s get at eer.  The first thing I want to talk about is.. how big an occasion the show is. It’s not only at 5 seasons but it recently got renewed for a 6th and still has a movie on the way.. as I hope so does rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles.. please don’t let that movie have been canceled, that show went from okay to leaving me wanting more of my mad dogs... but yeah getting back on track they’ve offically reached... 

And that’s.. incredibly rare ESPECIALLY for nick. I mean yes spongebob will never die, and the fairly oddparents died way after it should’ve, but for the most part nick is a giant tire fire of dickheads when it comes to running a network. They have an absolutley ghastly habit of canceling a show as soon as possible, and if they already commissioned season 2 shuttling it to sister network nicktoons to die a quite death. They expect every show to become an overnight sucess, or else and it’s a freaking disgusting practice. And it’s still going: I mean just to bookend it, around the same time loud house started, we got the utter classic Harvey Beaks. The show had a sizeable audiences and what kids I showed it to loved it but because it wasn’t doing spongebob numbers Nick shuttled it to nicktoons then yelled at it’s creator for daring to be upset they you know.. moved his show to their designated graveyard without telling him and ended the show without giving them notice to change the ending. The final episode still WORKS as a final episode, but it wasn’t INTENDED to end on a bittersweet note and I blanme that on nick.  The bookend part comes from the fact that about a month before this Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turltes ended it’s run.. on Nicktoons, with no fanfare and like Harvey fans likely only knowing thanks to scheduling, had it’s final season cut in half so they had to rush the pacing of the final few episodes to wrap up as much as they could, AND the cancelation reason was the always reliably stupid “low toy sales” excuse.  The odds of a show surviving on nick, nevermind thriving are very slim and even outside the nightmare factory that is my once beloved childhood network, most animated shows last around 3 seasons. Disney channel usually cuts htem off around 4, and cartoon network around 3 if their that nice, with utter classic OK KO being one of the latest victims of the cancelation bug, and steven unvierse only got a 6th season after essentially being canceled and having to rush the ending, only THEN getting to go back and fill in the cracks with Future and the Movie.  And unlike fellow network loved show that’s gone on for a while, Teen Titans Go, the Loud House is still a pretty good show. It has it’s bumps, we’ll talk about some of them here and i’ve talked about em before, especially the “”With the casagrandes mini” which could’ve easily hurt said show but thankfully didn’t. It’s grown, going from being about the one boy among ten girls to being about all 11 kids, AND their parents and making earnest attempts to make once hated characters like Lori and Lola fully fleshed out.. it’s been more 50 50 with lynn, but more on that later. My point is the show’s tried to evolve, to grow out of having a simple status quo and actually let things change and it’s refreshing when a lot of comedy shows refuse to. The show CAN be hit ore miss in quality, but hte misses have become less cruel and the hits have become that much more impactful. 

Not only that but the show surivived the seeming impossible of it’s creator being revealed to be a sexual harassing creepy asshole who hopefully gets his dick sanded off for all eternity when he invetibly ends up in hell or whatevers next. Screw him but good on Nick for firing him swiftly, one of the few times in the last few years i could really say that about them and not be sarcastic, and good on the crew for carrying on easily without him. 

My point is.. it’s nice to not be attending another show’s funeral. After rise and then venture bros, it’s NICE to have a show surivive and carry on and decide NOT to rest at this stage and stay in it’s comfort zone but shake things up a bit. It’s nice in this stinkhole of a year to have something to celebrate, and yes i’m aware a back to school specail is ill timed, for obvious reasons, but it was likely in production long before covid and I can’t fault the writers for wanting to give kids an escape, nor for doing the quarntine special earlier to help them talk through it. So congrats loud house you earned it.  Now that’s out of the way, the not resting thing.. the thing that has me covering the show, and had me exxcited for this episode.. is that they decided to shake things up a lot by moving all the kids up an age and moving Lori up to college. And what makes this work.. is this wasn’t something they just sprung on the audience. it would’ve worked with that after 4 years of the same age and general stuff.. but season 3 started setting it up with Lincoln and Clyde’s middle school visit and Lori’s college interview, both things i’ll likely cover ventually, while Season 4, after the mini series, had most Lori episodes focus on getting her ready for it: From her senior year, to Leni realizing she’d be gone and being panicky over it, to her working to get a car, which she rides off in this episode. The show dedicated one of it’s few arcs, and probably the only non-romantic one outside of Ronnie Anne and Bobby moving to their spinoff, to this. 

They were all in on this and there was no turning back, and shaking up the status quo like this is a risk as some viewers fear change and run from it like cowards> Me.. I loved it. I loved the idea of taking Lincoln to a new school, giving him and his friends new stuff to do and new challenges to face,  having Lori move away, have Luna learn to drive, have Lisa enter kindergarten, Lily say more etc. And there’s even things I didn’t think of that two upcoming episode synposis suprised me with: birthday episodes, though it’d be best to spread them out but i’m hoping strife of the party isn’t the only one, and the power vacum: Can Leni take over for Lori.. should she? Should Luna or Luaan try instead. Do they even want to? it’s all good questions. It’s a simple but small change that helps change up the show for the better, opens up new avenues while not salting the earth for the old as demonstrated by half of the upcoming episdoes for the next two weeks being ones that could’ve been done at any point in the show. 

So yeah my hype was at maxium, helped by the fact I love one hour specials of shows: “Change Your Mind” “Reign Storm”, all three ducktales have done so far with “Let’s Get Dangeorus” likely adding to that list.. it’s usually a great time for shows to go all out, show waht they got and tell deeper stories. So the big question all this has been leading up to: what did loud house, 5 seasons in,k with a clean slate and tone sof potetial do with their premiere? Well let’s take a look shall we?  This episode is divided into 4 plots, one of which is really a plot inside a plot but still technically 4, all centered around school starting: Lincoln and Co have their first day of middle school, Lori is moving to college after all that setup, and Lily is finally old enough for daycare. And Lynn Sr is having a slow motion breakdown at first, he gets out of it quickly, because understandably he’s feeling mealcholy about not only having all his kids in school but having his first leave him. Sure he still has a full hosue but it’s still rough having one of the few constants in  your life , a chaotic life at that go. So each one focuses on one of them. THe fourht if your curious has Leni accidently end up in Lily’s pre school and is comedy gold. More on that in a minute.  This is actually one of the episodes problems as only Lincoln’s plot and Lori’s plot feel like they naturally dovetail, while Lily’s plot feels like an eleven minute episode that was bootstrapped to this one either to get her into daycare faster or to pad it out to an hour along with parts of the Lincoln plot. It’s till not a BAD episode, but it dosen’t feel quite as cohesive as it should, or as big in scope being an hour long, with most of the loud kids outside the four with plots not getting more than a cameo, though Lisa gets to be the best part of LIly’s plot, and Lynn.. we’ll get to her. It’s not great. I do GET why they did this, as trying to focus on ALL of them at once is nigh impossible and it let the stories breathe better, but it still feels weird that none of them have a reaction to lori being gone and frankly I think the stronger story would be to have had lily potty train LAST season, and then focus this on Lori leaving, the family adjusting, and have Lincoln’s middle school woes be the b plot. Now granted we have a full season to rumninate on her absence, and how it effects the others, so it’s not the hugest lost, but i feels like a waste of the extra time to just pile three episodes into one when a half hour could’ve done the same and saved you two half hours for later. It’s not terrible, but it could’ve been better. Now i’m done moping about the special as a whole for a second let’s break down each plot one at a time. 

The A-Plot: Lincoln Took off to Canada the Other Dayyyyyyyyy The plot is very simple and the adds and summary sadly telegraphed it.. which didn’t help because it’s very clear from the episode Lincoln getting sent to canada is a wacky twist and not supposed to be in the adds. I mean I can’t blame them it’s in half the episode, but it still would’ve been funnier if they kept it as a suprise. And yes if you didn’t know about this episode LIncoln gets sent to canada which is somehow not too weird for the show.  So Lincoln and Co are starting high school. And now’s as good a review as any to TALK about Lincoln’s supporting cast. I did a bit during my review of Brave the Last Dance but feel it’s a good time to talk about them again update opinons and what not. I do feel like they sometimes blend into each other a bit much and shine best when one of them is given the spotlight to play off the others instead of all playing a supporitng role. It’s why I like “Pasture Bedtime” and “brave the last dance” so much: They let the characters breathe while still giving one some extra focus. As for each indivdiually. 

Clyde as I said there i’ve come around on: Early on how tolerable he was was a coin flip: he could be an adorable, somewhat awkard, sheltered kid but one eager to help his friend with his various schemes, as he is now only with a love of baking which is even better. But he could ALSO be a creepy little bugger who either had a freaking anime nose bleed and fainted when Lori was around, or tried to break her and Bobby up, Bobby who is not only the nicest character on BOTH shows in general but was extra nice to Clyde despite all this. Granted I think my boy was too dense to realize Clyde was being a one man asshole parade, but still. It dosen’t help that with Savino’s later ousting for doing the same shit but as a grown ass man. Thankfully he has done a complete recovery and the Lori bit was thankfully dropped and with Bobby gone, he couldn’t hurt my baby boy anymore, so they moved on to other parts of him. Plus I love his dad’s not just for the obvious being gay dads but for being good characters in their own right. 

Stella is easily my favorite of the group, i’ve gone on about her before and Haley Tju does a wonderful job with her, and she feels a bit more three dimensional than the rest of the non-clyde members of the group. Not fully, but still a bit more than the one trait they get and hopefully like our next one up and clyde, she actually gets to start showing up outside of lincoln’s friend squad team episodes. 

Liam is easily my second faviorite. I”m aware he’s not the most complex boy: He’s a farmer, and he knows how to tame animals.. that’s about what he’s used for.. but he’s a sweet enoguh kid he makes it work. And frankly said trait works for him because shockingly, out of all of lincoln’s non clyde friends he’s shown up the MOST in stories not involving Lincoln, and even in one of those lately not involving hte rest of his friends. No really, he popped up in racing hearts in season 3, and Senior Moment and Snoops On Last season. It’s not a TON of episodes overall but compared to the rest of them it’s very noticable and I love it. More please. 

Moving on to the ones i’ve bitched about... Zach. Yeah.. my thoughts can best be summed up as this. 

I mean.. Lincoln’s friends, even the more cheerful ones are capable of feeling defeat and pesimsim, if you want one to downtalk people you have rusty, and “has a tatoo , likes antqiues and belives in cryptids” aren’t really great quirks. If they did more with them or used them OUTSIDE of his episodes sure, but otherwise .. why is he here other than not wanting to explain his absence? Sure he plays off rusty.. but Stella could easily do his role as that and even then they don’t use him for that enough to really justify being him around. Either have a point with him or quitely write him out.. Star Vs, for all it’s flaws, leanred this as far back as season 2 with alphonso and ferguson, AND when people qutestioned where they are actually brought them back to properly write them off and gave them closure in the episode they gave the rest of the echo creek cast the same. Just pick one. And if you want him to knock rusty down a peg fine, just do so.  And now Rusty.. my old nemisis.... and things have changed. Do I still LIKE Rusty? nope. Just.. nope. I don’t. He’s still a skeezy little idiot.. but I realized that unlike LIam he at least has a purpose in the group: He’s the Micheal Kelso. Granted UNLIKE kelso, they don’t go the extra mile and have his friends poke fun at him, but this isn’t that kind of friendship, and with Lynn now around more and Chandler now likely going to be the same, there’s more opprotunites for someone outside the group to rightfully insult the little moron. And if their not going to.. I realized I could. I realized I ENJOY insulting him, taking the piss out of his unjusitfied ego, and just having fun making fun fo the little goober. And more than that.. I realized he DOES have redeeming qualities. He’s a genuinely good friend, he loves his friends dearly and has no trouble showing affection despite his misplaced swagger. I may mock the kid, and I will again.. but he’s not a bad person and will likely grow out of being a dipweasel, just not on screen. I realized having a deep abiding hatred of him just wasn’t good for me when simply mocking him constantly does the trick. There are other, more important things to get pissed about. Rusty isn’t that important. But he is good joke fodder and unlike the show with Zach I refuse to pass up an opportunity. 

But yeah now that’s out of the way, the basic setup here infuraties me. It’s for mildly stupid reasons, but ones i’m going to go to bat for: Lincoln dosen’t get into the same class as his friends. As in their still treating this like elementary school and having everyone in the same class for every subject. That.. that’s not how middle school works. that’s not how any of this works. They don’t lump groups of the same kids into one tract of classes, even electives like cooking or forced ones like PE, which thanks to my autisim I was allowed to attend a diffrent kind of PE that wasn’t an utter fucking nightmare. And you may say “Well Jake your a near 30 blobby shell of a man and things change” which is accurate but they haven’t changed that much. Girl Meets World was only 6 years ago. And while they DID have Cory as the only real teacher they USED, he was still shown to be their history teacher and it was lampshaded sometimes how he wasn’t their only class. And yes I know a lot can change in 6 years, the hellscape we’re in proves that, but just simply ASKING my middle schooler nephew if this is still how that works.. and yup it is. Now it could be diffrent by region, but for the most part the conseus seems to be on diffrent teachers for diffrent subjects. And again as Girl Meets World shows, it’s not THAT complicated. Just have one teacher you use for everything or have a home room. Why do this, why. Just why exactly. Why. You barely used actually in school classes for plots anyway and mostly did stuff around the edges like crushes or lunch or dodge ball. Speaking of which where is Girl Jordan. Where IS she? Anyways, my point is this, especailly as a ned’s declassified school surivvial guide on this very network,f fan really annoys me and takes me out of things..  And the thing is they COULD’VE still done this plot just had the gang all adjust, not just lincoln, to not being in the same class togehter. Have them have to do various classes WITHOUT having each other to rely on. You could even have chandler and mr. bohlmer show up. But the way they do this just..d osen’t really make sense and just feels lazy. And if there were good jokes i’d be fine with his but their aren’t. IT’s just a mean teacher and Lincoln being picked on by a moron for the first half while his friends struggle to function without him. It’s just sad and not in the well written, well thought out way.  Then we get to “This needs to be an hour” portion of the plot as again the above could’ve EASILY worked for the full hour but because they instead went with this, they had to think of something else... and went with something bonkers that at the very least is entertaining: Lincoln, after convincing his teacher for a transfer, which I did like as he uses his head: He sees his teacher wants something diffrent for lunch and paper airplaners her a cupon for his dad’s restraunt then talks himself into an off campus lunch to talk her into a new class.. and winds up transfered to canada as she well meaningly  did so he can’t get out of. And while I thought this was just wacky exageration having him commute.. turns out .. nope. While I don’t know if any school would actually have a student commute to Canada rather than jsut stay there turns out Royal Woods is in michigan and Michigan is across a lake from Ontario.. so yeah.. they did their geography research but not their middle school one. Weird ain’t it?  Anywho, I ended up liking this portion... and not just because it has canada gooses, which means i can use this. 

And if you have a problem with Letterkenny you got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate. But yeah we get an ENTIRE number playing into canadian stereotypes and it’s clear this show is rather than using them for a cheap laugh just exagerating things for fun and a slight nudge to canadians, who I clearly love. It feels less like “oh ha ha canada” and more like if the great white north was stretched over 15 minutes but still worked. 

It’s just good fun. And they also again have an entire musical number full of canadian sterotypes and expressing love of this great country which I hope to visit some day.. and possibly live if this country countinues to get worse. It just feels nice and more creative than the first half. It’s still not FANTASTIC, but it works somehow and Ic an’t explain why. Eventually LIncoln tries to get kicked out, fails then plans to blow the hockey game for everyone and calls on his friends to help, sending them all to canada wh ere they get lost in the wilderness. There is a funny bit where Stella’s gps literally freezes over and zach acidently smashes it as well as Rusty’s “Moustache” one pathetic hair because why should his moustache be anything else freezes off. and given even with me being less vitrolic his suffering is my catnip I enjoyed it. We also get a cute sequence of them runing the ice and rusty failing at anything because of course he does, while Liam both tames a moose and slathers them in grease to swim across because of COURSE he does. Of course he does. IT’s just a refreshing jolt of energy after the first half. But we do get a really damn good scene after htey fail.. besides the fact Rusty’s head is frozen, which would be funny even if it wasnt’ happenign to rusty, that just makes it go from chuckle worthy to giant uncomfortable laugh worthy, where Lincoln gives up: They’ll still be firends and he’ll still come visit but it’s best he just adapt to his new life instead of try and fight so hard against it and he’s starting to enjoy canada. It’s a well acted and sad scene that ends with a huge hug from clyde and another bit we’ll get to in a second.  But because having LIncoln in canada would be hard to maintain for a few seasons, and because as degrassi shows me the odds of him getting nearly beaten to death, caught in school shooting, stabbed in a parking lot or ending up in a kevin smith film which back then was a treat but now is a coin flip, are very high. Seriously he dosen’t want to end up in moose jaws, he instead gets banned from canada for three years for refusing maple syurp... which is also fucking hilarious just for it’s sheer rediculousness. Who dosen’t love canadian maple syrup?  So the ballance is restored, Liam has  moose now, and Lincoln actually gets the trailer heat turned down because he asked.. this plot was not very good as I made clear and drags the specail down and it’s in part because there were other joke and character opprotunites iwth ACTUAL middle school and instead it just comes off as another episode of “Smack lincoln around because tha’ts funny right” and wastes good opprotunity. It’s not all terrible, the canada jokes worked becuase they felt like they were in good fun and more a loving jab at canada instead of just using stereotypes for sterotypes sake, and given the loud sisters started as basic character achtypes it fits the shows tone. So canada part good the rest a huge disapointment. Also before we move onto Lori: Lynn.. was utterly terrible this episode. The girl one, obviously. Lynn Sr is usually a delight. Yeahhh while I don’t hate her like some do, I do find her to be REALLY hit and miss: she’s either an enjoyable additon to the episode, an intresting lead.. or an obnoxious nightmare who makes everyone around her suffer and is used for gross out gags.. which if nothing else it’s good their using a girl for it but it dosen’t make it actually funny? And here she’s Hall Monitor and a giant terror to everyone INCLUDING THE PRINCIPAL and it feels like a waste.. other episodes have had her be lincoln’s mentor when it comes to his shift to middle school and when the time comes where that would be utterly useful... she’s instead just a jackass because they coudln’t think of something better to do with her and it’s another disapointment.  The B-Plot: Lori Loud and the Infinite Comic Set Pieces This plot was better but likely would’ve worked better in a shorter episode to me if i’m being honest, but it’s grown on me the more i’ve thought about it.. plus it has Bobby! 

I haven’t really had a chance to mention it since most Loud Houses i’ve covered are after his exit and he only really shows up in lori episodes and I haven’t covered the Casagrandes yet.. but I love this idiot. He’s sweet, charming, kind, a good boyfriend, a good big brother, and a caring individual. Sure he’s dumb as a box of hammers, but he’s a good kid and post season 1 he and lori have good chemstiry. And he was easily one of hte biggest draws to the spinoff for me which has fleshed him out nicely with his work at the Mercado, showing he is good at something. He’s just a great character and i’m glad to see him back on the mothership, even if he doesn’t do much and at most just keeps coming back to help Lori move at a moment’s notice. But it feels less like her being selfish and more like him being selfless: Sure she’s asking a lot.. but he probably gets that moving away from home and into a strage place is hard for his lady and just wants to help her be happy and settle in. Because he’s the best. 

As for why Lori keeps moving part of it is the fact that the dorms at fair way are insane comic set pieces and I am here for it. She starts out at the silent dorm, which just.. no. No on that no. Then moves to the driving range dorm which is exactly what it sounds like and is a hilarious hurricane of balls. “Sigh” Archer if you would. 

And the sand trap dorm, which just has a giant bunch of sand in the closets for some reeason.. presumibly to keep darth vader away. And yes I get it’s supposed to mimic a sandtrap but theni t should be all around like the other dorms. It’s goofy, it’s dumb.. and I can’t help but laugh at it and the fact that Fairway apparently is so intense about golf they train students via having them live on certain hazards like this was an anime... and I would totally watch a spinoff about lori that was her undergoing anime golf battles. And I hate golf. Plus put bobby in there.. he can be on two shows. Make it a diffrent world but with dragon ball z golf battles. But eventually Lori comes crying home after breaking down, like any college student living away i’m told.. and that’s where the dovetail I mention comes into play. Lori overhears lincoln’s pep talk and decides to go back and face the exesntial nightmare that is her dorm life, giving her brother a sincre hug and thanking him for uknowingly helping her. It’s a really sweet moment. It’s why her plot works for me.. it has the emotinal weight that feels lacking from the main plot. It’s a bit repetitive, but frankly that’s the show’s bread and butter at this point and i’ts more a case of which repettition works better sometimes. That one moment saves the plot form being unwatchable and Lori moves into the water hazard floor of the dorms, and is finally ready. And while at first I thought the exagerated dorms lowered the punch of things.. it really dosen’t. From what i’ve heard Dorm life isn’t easy, and being away from home is even harder. My mentally anxious self would’ve broken down within days. Their just taking it up twenty notches because loud house. The real issue is lori being homesick, which I do feel could’ve been handled better, but for what hit is it’s okay. Not as good as it couldv’e been but still better than the a-plot. But it’s a nice bit of character stuff: it shows usually in control Lori out of her element and trying to adapt and hopefully we’ll see more of her this season in that context. And more of bobby, may he reign forever. Okay one more. 

The C and D plots: Leni and Lily Go to Preschool  This one won’t take long, thank god. Lily goes to preschool, the loud parents, after some empty nest.. enjoy having the house to themselves for the first time in years. They actually have TIME with no kids and just the two of them to goof off and, presumibly off screen, boink like rabbits.. granted that’s how they clearly usually do it given they have 11 kids but still. But Lily gets sent home for popping herself, and they have to teach her to go it’s eh aside from a few bits. As I said Lisa is the best part of this as Lynn Sr and Rita yank her out of school, with Lisa responding to Cheryls worries abotu her missing school with a dry “I think i’ll be fine without finger painting”. The resolution, or at least the start of it, is genuinelly clever. Turns out Lily KNOWS how to use the potty, she just dosen’t want to go to school yet, and the Loud Parents.. actually take this well, confronting her with it but gently, understanding she may not want to leave the nest and letting her stay. 

Meanwhile Leni ends up in preschool in the shuffle of not having Lori around to guide her one brain cell. Which is honestly hilarious and her outfit for the episode is fucking dope.. I honestly wish she’d wear her hair in a ponytail more often and the jacket is nice. I wish this was her new outfit.. like they could make it green so she’s not stepping on Lola wearing pink, but it’s a nice change of pace. But yeah it’s hilarious, especially since neither she nor the actual professionals notice and it has a nice bit of subtext on tumblr noted: She may be regressing, or simply enjoying little girl school because she misses her big sister and it’s easier than navigating a scary world without her best frined. To dig into it a bit myself we’ve seen in previous episodes that Lori is her rock, who she goes to when she has a problem in her solo episodes, who she relies on. Sure they fight over a closet but they depend on each other. We saw how worried Leni was about loosing her last season, and now she’s lost her and dosen’t know what to do without her. It’ll be intresting to see more of.  Or it’s because while she’s a capable young woman she’s also as dumb as a box of hammers like her future brother in law> you make the call. Eventually Leni gets sent back, and bemoans missing all the fun of preschool.. which gets Lily to go as she gets a trampoline, and the nest is finally empty.. also Leni goes back for a few more bounces. Yeah I love this kid. She’s sweet, kind, and hilariously moranic and voiced by LIliana Mumy who along with Carols is easliy part of my stable of voice actors. So yeah the family’s moving on, etc etc, and this review is finally over.  Final Thoughts: This episode was okay. It reaks of wasted potetial, but it’s a fine enough one hour, it jsut couldv’e been MORE with such a long run time and the lily and leni bits would’ve fit better in a seperate episode. It’s not TERRIBLE but it’s just an okay start to the season and a waste of good stories and good laughs in places. Still the show’s had worse, it’s just okay overall. Not TERRIBLE but it could’ve been FANTASTIC. Next week Leni deals with the lori power vaccum and Lincoln and Clyde snoop on the neighbors. Until then you can find other loud house reviews on my blog, hit me up iwth an ask for suggetsions or a dm to comission an episode you want to see me cover and until then, GO TEAM VENTURE. Play us out servo

[lubbuthedigitalnomad]

A PERFECT PLACE

Happy Bob Marley BD (it was Feb. 6), Tibetan New Year (Feb. 12) and Valentine’s Day week! I hope you and yours are happy and healthy. Communications from America say that things are a little less crazy now that the election is over. That’s good. Even the most pro-American Asians were thinking we went a little wacky!

With any luck, folks in the USA will continue to take deep breaths and calm down. With a little effort, things will become less hateful and more loving as both the reds and blues start to realize that working together is the only way things will ever work at all. With that sentiment in mind, this week’s 1000 words are from the Fearless Puppy On American Road book, and about a time and place that remembers the more beautiful part of the American experience.

Once something changes, it can never go all the way back to what it was. In many ways, that is a good thing. We can preserve some better parts of the life we already had while allowing room for new and improved ideas. Insisting that both those new ideas, and the parts preserved from the old, are employed as actual improvements that benefit the vast majority of us has become the non-negotiable, essential responsibility of each and every citizen. Like it or not, it seems we will have to stay actively, consciously, and intelligently involved in order to insure success.

Please be well & stay well. Love, Tenzin and the Nepali Crew

FEARLESS PUPPY WEBSITE BLOG

FEARLESS PUPPY ON AMERICAN ROAD/AMAZON PAGE

REINCARNATION THROUGH COMMON SENSE/AMAZON PAGE

FEARLESS PUPPY ON AMERICAN ROAD WEBSITE

Rural Vermont

Helpfulness. Tribalism at its best. Everyone works together on everything. Lives depend upon each other in temperatures well below zero.

Hitchhiking is no longer just getting from here to there while barely knowing my host. Nearly every ride establishes or increases a friendship.

More cows per square mile than people, more open space than cows, and more forest than open space. Pronounced seasons and cycles. Cold, white winters. Muddy springs. Vibrant green summers pulsating with life that knows it only has a few months to do what needs to get done. Rainbow autumnal foliage so brilliant that guests come from continents away to view it. Streams clean enough to drink from.

Eggs come from happy chickens — not from the cruelty of large “animal production” warehouses.

Everyone waves hello to anyone driving by.

There’s always time to speak with whomever you meet at the General Store or Post Office. There’s always time. No hurry. Life comes first. Being is more important than doing (once the doing gets done).

The only store in town is the size of five closets but has everything — food, hardware, videos, clothing, beer, and more. A giant empty cable spool acts as a table around which to enjoy coffee, home- made donuts, and the company of neighbors. A best friend makes maple syrup. Everyone grows incredible gardens.

I have spent a lot of time with four other people and five beers staring into the open hood of a pickup truck that was not in need of repair.

Wood keeps you warm three times — once when you chop it, again when you carry it in, and the third time when you burn it. Overflowing abundance lives here. Some folks want more. Few need more.

Theater groups that produce professional-quality plays thrive in the forests of nearby vest-pocket towns.

The purity and clarity of omnipresent Nature rubs off on its human inhabitants. Crime, violence, and assorted hatreds appear only in newspapers and on TV stations. No one here has seen those things in person.

The Town Treasurer has a sign on his office explaining, “It’s very hard to get away with anything in a town this small.” Live and let live. If it hurts no one, it’s legal.

Resourcefulness is a way of life. Anything you need can be built from left over parts of things that you don’t need anymore. If you don’t know how, someone will show you. They’ll be happy to help — even happier if you bring a beer to say hello and thank you.

Deer hunters and trout fishermen deny slaughterhouses and corporate supermarket chains their abuses and profits. Unprocessed foods, hard exercise, low stress, clean air, and clean water deny the medical industry their profits from unnecessary surgery and drugs.

Awe inspiring natural beauty excludes land developers and their profit-over-people motivation. Their concrete and steel are not welcome here. The industrial decay that would lead to profits for a large assortment of unethical folks in fancy suits is denied entry by the conscious decisions of simple, intelligent farmers in overalls.

There will never be a Wal-Mart or a crack house here. There are many guns. They are never used for anything but hunting food. People are constantly helping each other to build a barn or house, dig out snow and mud, care for the children, cook, clean, weed the garden, and feed the animals. Anything that can be done at all is usually done by a group, even if it’s actually a one-person job. Folks enjoy each other’s company. Except in the most extreme circumstances, everyone deserves inclusion.

Parties get thrown together instantly for no other reason than that someone feels like being the host.

On a Tuesday, my friend Mike told me that he was having a party at his house on the following Saturday.

“What’s the occasion, Mike?”

“The occasion is that I just came up with the bright idea of having a party. I’ll get out a side of venison and buy a keg of beer. Tell everyone you see to tell everyone they see. If anyone wants to bring more food and drink, that’s good. If not, we’ll be fine with what we’ve got, I figure.”

“OK, Mike. I’ll get everyone but the assholes informed.”

“Inform the assholes too, buddy! Who knows? Maybe if they got invited to more parties, they’d figure out how to act better and wouldn’t be such assholes.”

It was hard to argue with Mike’s logic, but then again it is hard to argue with much of anything in a clean, friendly village.

During those years of having a home community and base station, a lot of work got done elsewhere. Rest time there made hitchhiking across nearly every inch of road in Northeastern America possible. I probably hitchhiked as many miles regionally during this period as the number of miles that were traveled in all the previous cross-country trips. Each full month of whistle stops working for environmental groups and charities included many towns and cities. It included talking to independent business folks all day about various causes, sleeping wherever possible, and celebrating whenever plausible. At the end of road tours like that, staring at mountains in between long naps was more of a necessity than an option. It is a lot easier to burn yourself up on the road when you know that a perfect place to revive is waiting for you.

The focal points of the road binges included Greenpeace, Citizen’s Awareness Network, and self-organized efforts to help support a Mexican orphanage, raise awareness and funding for American homeless folks, and help the victims of a very severe African famine. The results varied. My little part as a team member in the environmental efforts worked consistently for over a decade at each. The orphanage and homeless projects I organized worked minimally. The famine relief effort worked very well. It involved a governor, two senators, labor unions, school systems, businesses, major league sports teams, rock bands, and more. Thousands of people in the Northeastern section of America gave massive help.

This is a short chapter, but it covers a long period of years. Eventually, my good friend who allowed me this cabin in paradise had to liquidate his properties. This put me back out on the street at age fifty. But for a while, my life was as close to normal as it had ever been. It included long term friends and neighbors.

Those years seem to have gone by very quickly.​

About the Author

Doug “Ten” Rose may be the biggest smartass as well as one of the most entertaining survivors of the hitchhiking adventurers that used to cover America’s highways. He is the author of the books Fearless Puppy on American Road and Reincarnation Through Common Sense, has survived heroin addiction and death, and is a graduate of over a hundred thousand miles of travel without ever driving a car, owning a phone, or having a bank account.

Ten Rose and his work are a vibrant part of the present and future as well as an essential remnant of a vanishing breed.

Follow him on Facebook, Doug Ten Rose

Travel Adventure Books can be an excellent gift to your friends and family, buy from Amazon.com

#traveladventurebooks #keepreading #kindlebooks

The books Fearless Puppy On American Road and Reincarnation Through Common Sense by this same author are also available through Amazon or the Fearless Puppy website, where there are sample chapters from those books. Entertaining TV/radio interviews with and newspaper articles about the author are also available there. There is no charge for anything but the complete books! All author profits from book sales will be donated to help sponsor an increase in the number of wisdom professionals on Earth, beginning with but certainly not limited to Buddhist monks and nuns.

If you missed the Introduction to the new book that will be titled Temple Dog Soldier, or would like to see several chapters of it that are available for free online, go to the Puppy website Blog section. This is a book in progress. You will be reading it as it is being created! Just like you, I don’t know what the next chapter is going to be about until it is written. As the Intro will tell you, this is a totally true story — and probably the only book ever written by and about a corpse journeying completely around the world!

[caroline18mars]

A Man On Fire - Chapter 56

Tourmanager..come on, where was she? Could they get out of that huge van any slower? Sean..oh there she was, he hurried over to her “didn't you get my e-mail?” and gently grabbed her arm, “Ok Jay, you really need to stop?!” she yanked her arm free again and gave him a pair of big, rolling eyes before she walked inside with the rest. He had to catch up with her again “what is your problem?” he pushed her inside one of the first dressingrooms “my problem? Boy I'm glad I didn't say yes to marrying you!”. Jared was taken aback, his mouth forming a silent 'O', it hurt like a motherfucker “really?” his sad blues drilled into hers, melting her frozen heart “no..no of course not, I'm just..” she hesitated. “Maybe you shouldn't propose to me when I'm ovulating” she said with a deadpan expression on her face, defusing the situation instantly, a big smile formed on his face “what?”, the tension went right out of the door together with her seriousness “you heard me, yes I'm ovulating and yes I'm going completely bonkers and my hormones are all over the place and no you really shouldn't be asking me those type of questions that time of the month” she rolled her eyes dramatically but her heart was smiling again. Jared walked up to her “so, does that mean I can ask you all the other times of the month?” and stopped until they were toe to toe, his hands carefully looking for a spot to land on, “don't push your luck!” she mumbled when his hands ended up on her hips. “I know it's healthy to argue for a couple, but I don't want to fight anymore, I can't take it, I was this close to cancelling the show tonight” he scrunched up his nose, he just wanted to kiss her, “oh Jay, if you can't take arguing then you shouldn't be in a relationship, nobody can see eye to eye all the time” she ran her hands up and down over his muscular upper arms, he didn't say anything, he just smiled and kissed the hell out of her.

Sean had been hovering around that dressingroom for a while so as soon as she headed out of the room, he caught up with her “you know, we're one man, or woman, short tonight, d'you wanna come up?”. The fear in her eyes when she looked at him was unmistakeable, “I don't know..uhm..” she stammered, she hadn't forgotten that he was the reason she nearly plummeted to the ground because he'd rather have her dead than with Jared. What was she to do? She wanted to make herself useful and seeing a show from the top of the venue was so much cooler than just watching from the side of the stage “I'll think about it and let you know” she quickly mumbled as Jared appeared behind them. Sean quickly shrugged and nodded “fine yeah”, seeing Jared made him hurry back to the stage, “what did he want?” Jared's arm snuck around her waist, “he wants me to go up there, they're one light guy short and he wants me to do it”. Jared took a deep breath “I don't care what he wants, what do you want?” the voice of reason she liked so much was back, hallelujah, “I would love to do it, it's a great idea but..” she pushed her hands deep in her pockets and looked at her feet. “You want to do it, but not with him around” he finished her answer, this boyfriend of her's was one in a million, he sounded like he could solve every puzzle in her life, “Yeah” she covered the hand resting on her hip with hers “I guess I still don't trust him”. Jared threw his arms around her and kissed her softly “and you have every reason not to, so you'll go up there and I'll make sure he gets a job on the ground with the videowalls, how does that sound?” he breathed against her lips, “perfect!..thanks Jay” she sighed, god it felt good to feel that weight lifting from her shoulders. “You're welcome, I think it's really hot to have my future wife swinging in ropes above my head” he grinned and slapped her butt, “whaaatttt?” she raised her hands in despair as she walked away “you're a dirrrrty man, Leto” her hiccupping laughter curled around his heart “but hey, I like it”.

And one, two..the first deafening drums of 'Monolith', and the wall that was still closed lit up like a funky Christmas tree, yes...yesyesyes! High above the ground a shiver down her spine felt even more intense than down there, was it the first time she saw how truly beautiful and amazing this all was? Her work, the colours, the monolith that would slowly start to rise in a few seconds..ok focus now, don't get distracted by the thunderous roar of the crowd, she looked down greeted by a wave and a kiss that was blown up to her, he looked as ridiculous as gorgeous in that beautiful dark, richly embroidered, velvet cape. Giggling she watched him dissapear inside the cube..and with the lift of so much colourful weight the room exploded, from now on full focus on the show, which was damn hard to do if your lover was driving all the hungry, starstruck women down there crazy. Look at her, I could have been up there with her..a man can dream right that she would even be remotely interested in me, right? no don't go there again, she's with him now, do I like that? Hell no! But I guess I have to accept it, for now..they're not gonna last, of course not..this relationship had disaster written all over it, let them run their course and once that is done..BAM! Make sure you're on the scene with a big, masculine shoulder to cry on and Bob's your uncle! Just don't fuck it up like you did last time, be patient and everything will sort itself out. Mr. High-and-Mighty there on that stage won't be so high and mighty then, he won't know what hit him, me, her best friend since forever, will be the victor, not that pompous ass with his ridiculous outfits that had to cover up the fact that the music sucked big time.

”Jay, come on man..” Shannon gestured at his brother to keep up after the show but he only stared at the ceiling “just a minute” he mumbled watching her walk the narrow beam that would lead her down again.  Why did he always hold his breath until he watched her hands curl around the sides of the rope ladder? Why? Because it would be unbearable to see her tumble to the ground again, he would rather die than see that happen again, she was a part of him, if anything happened to her, it happened to him, simple as that. “Oumpfhh” she skipped the last few steps and just jumped down where she was greeted by Jared who threw his arms around her and kissed her damp forehead “whoooaa, don't! I'm sweaty” it was damn hot up there and she longed for a shower, ugh he was still sweaty too. “So? Maybe we can take a shower together?” he mumbled, in the corner of her eye she could see the crew make gagging gestures, “of course we can, you in your shower and me in mine, these dressing rooms aren't exactly private” she giggled and rolled her eyes. Jared seemed to come back to earth “fine, have it your way, but you're all mine later on” he groaned, “yo kids, come one, time to party” Shannon whistled and rolled his eyes.

“Hey..” Sean jumped in front of her as she stepped out of the bathroom, that shower had been amazing “told you you'd do great”, startled she pulled the towel a little tighter around her, what the hell happened to the promise that he wasn't even allowed around her?. “Sean, I really don't think this is the place or the time, how did you even get in here?” she quickly scanned the room, did I forget to lock that damn door? Whatever, he wasn't supposed to be in here, just try and act cool, whatever you do don't let him see your unease and fear, people like him thrived on it. “Everyone was waiting for you and they got a bit fed up so I told them to head on out and I'd wait for you”, what? And Jared left too? No that wasn't possible, he just wouldn't let that happen. Sean walked up to her, what the fuck, stay away “that's sweet, Sean..but if you don't mind I would really love to get some clothes on now” don't stammer, don't let him see you're getting really uncomfortable. “Hey honey, you still in the shower, got room for one more?” the door flew open and Jared grinning from ear to ear appeared, “what the..” he immediately stopped in his tracks and the grin instantly disappeared from his face. His eyes flew from Coco to Sean “Sean, could you give us a minute, please?” he scraped his throat, his voice sounded supercalm but she could feel a storm brewing, please don't let him take it out on me again, this is not my fault. “Uhh yeah, of course..” Sean just gave a little shrug and left the room , hands casually in his pockets like nothing had happened, when the door closed Harper exhaled deeply., trouble, yeah definitely trouble ahead.

For a few seconds all that could be heard was the faint buzzing of the lamps above their heads, his eyes seemed to grow darker “what the..?” his eyes scanned her semi-naked body up and down. “What the fuck was he doing in here? You're practically naked, I swear I'm about to lose my shit! Who let him in here?” he was practically fuming with anger. “I hope you're not even suggesting that I let him in, because I didn't! I just got out of the shower and there he was..” there was a tremble to her voice “now can I just get dressed?” she went bright red like she was embarrassed and on the verge of crying. “Hey” he slowly walked up to her trying to follow her eyes that avoided any form of contact while she reached for her clothes and stuffed her two arms in the same sleeve at once, that's how agitated she was. “Hey..wait..Harper? Coco? Look at me..come on look at me?” he grabbed her shoulders, the shirt thrown to the floor in frustration and anger, “I didn't initiate anything if that's what you're thinking Jared” the anger and dissapointment in her eyes was almost unbearable. “That's not what I'm saying, not at all! Do you hear me?” he kissed her forehead as she wiped the tears of frustation from her eyes, “I guess I don't, Jared, so what are you really saying? I'm so done with all this bickering and these accusations, I should have stayed at home, far far away from here!” she sniffed and rubbed her hands. “I'm not accusing you of anything, darling, really I'm not, I'm just shocked to waltz in here thinking to do delicious things to my girl under the shower, only to find that freak here talking to my half naked girlfriend. “I mean if it were the other way round, I bet you would freak out too” he made her sit down and put his arms around her, his chin resting on her head while it found the contact with his chest she so needed right now. “He said the rest of you were fed up waiting for me, and he wanted to check on me..it's like I'm causing trouble wherever I go, when all I want to do is paint, not being on tour chased by some lunatic who I used to think was a friend” she sighed, the slight touch of her lips brushing against the skin of his chest was intoxicating. “I want whatever you want, I just want you to be happy, I was just hoping you'd be happy here on tour with me” she felt his voice vibrate through his skin and she suddenly felt all warm and fuzzy, what was she saying? Of course she was happy “Listen, I'm happy, I'm happy wherever you are, and maybe I'm overreacting but somehow I just feel caged, a golden cage definitely but it's still a cage”. It was hard to hear her say that, “so, you want to go back to New York?” please say no, say no, change your mind and stay here with me, “of course I do” his heart plummethed right to his feet when he heard her say that “but not without you, so I'm staying right here with you and out of Sean's way”. Jared pulled back a little so she had to look up and he could let his lips crash down on hers “I love you, you know that?” he breathed against her lips, “I know, and I love you too, just start trusting me and stop being so insecure, it doesn't suit you” Harper folded her hands around his neck. “Point taken, now get dressed so we can go get a drink before I can rip them back off of you” he grinned, “ah, now we're talking, the promise of booze and sex, I like it” she jumped out of his arms, rushing to get her clothes on with a giggle.

[xiubaek-13]

Hold On - Part 1

Genre: First love & break ups.

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok, Reader x Yoongi

Warnings: Angst, Smut, Alcohol, Heartbreak, Drug use (only mentions of it), First love.

Word Count: 5,094

Summary: Hoseok was your first love and for two and a half years he was your everything. Yoongi was his best friend, they did almost everything together until Yoongi got a girlfriend who was his world for a few years. Yoongi was also your friend, having been to school with him. Hoseok broke your heart when he ended things with you but you hadn’t been able to let him go, reducing yourself to friends with benefits as you clung to the relationship that no longer existed, the love that was no longer there. Yoongi was there for you when his friend hurt you  and he tried to keep you away from gatherings that Hoseok would be at but there was no avoiding the two of you being at one of his own parties, a camping gathering on his mother’s property.

They say that all good things come to an end; but what they don’t prepare you for is when one party still feels like what they have is good and the other doesn’t. It’s one thing for a relationship to end when you both know there are problems, or when one of you fucks up, but when one of you is blissfully happy and the other isn’t - that’s hell on both sides. One way to work out just how many tears a human body can produce is to have your heart shattered by your first love. It’s a thing your parents try to protect you from as best they can, but at the end of the day you loved wholly, completely and honestly. To be told that the person you utterly adored no longer felt that same love for you broke you.

You’d put two and a half years into your relationship with Hobi. What had started as a schoolyard crush developed into a fun and teasing friendship. You often recalled the day you ran out of food tech and squished a muffin in his face because he’d mocked your cooking abilities. That might have been the first day he truly noticed you. He still didn’t act on anything, but you both started to chat more often.

You’d always gotten on better with the guys in the school than the girls. You preferred to read or sit and listen to music and apparently that was uncool by their standards. You didn’t interest them because you weren’t gossiping about boys or what party you were going to try and sneak out to that weekend. Your ideal weekend was, and still is, having comfort food and reading or watching a movie. You just didn’t have that girly gene. You never wanted to play dress up or learn how to apply makeup or style your hair and you were satisfied with how you looked. You honestly didn’t give a shit about what any of them thought about you. You never needed to put in any effort with how you looked when you hung out with your guy friends. They actually praised you on being able to be dressed and ready to go in under 15 minutes.

Yoongi transferred to the school midyear, he mostly kept to himself but the boy crazed girls in your year decided that he was an enigma; wrapped in a mystery because he was quiet and didn’t appear to chase after girls. It took you all of three days hanging out with Hobi and Jin to find out that Yoongi was a pretty cool guy who preferred to observe people than interact with them, and that he was definitely not lacking in suitors… he just preferred them older. That explained his lack of patience with the way some of the girls in your year threw themselves at him.

For the remainder of the year your friendships with the guys in your year grew and you found yourself invited to small gatherings they had - gaming nights, movie marathons and random trips into the forest at their houses. Yoongi became more relaxed around you once he figured out that you could appreciate silence and weren’t trying to jump his bones. In fact, he was the one who approached you when he needed help asking a girl out. He knew how to seduce older women but he had no clue when it came to someone his age. You’d been the perfect wingwoman and since you’d worked your magic he’d been virtually inseparable from her.

All too soon the year ended and you transferred to another school to complete your senior years. A handful of your classmates made the same move but your main group of friends remained, leaving you alone for the first time in years. The new school was structured to be more like university, with longer class hours and calling teachers by their first name. You really enjoyed the new atmosphere and thrived in the freedom you were allowed. School no longer felt like a prison and you were free to come and go as you pleased.

Moving schools must have made Hobi realise what he was losing because one day when you were out of town with your mother he texted you. You had to read the text repeatedly because you were sure of a few things. a) that someone had stolen his phone and texted you b) that this was a joke and c) there was no way it could be true. It was a simple text but, ever the overthinker, you dissected it like it was a coded message.

[9:45am] Hobi: Wanna know something? I miss seeing you at school. Did you know that I like you? A lot.

That’s all it said and yet you tried to find some deeper meaning or some hidden sign to prove that it was a joke. No one had ever told you they liked you. You’d always been the friend and nothing more. You’d helped countless times whenever one of your friends found a girl they were interested in, but you were never the object of anyone’s interest and you were fine with that. You had a lot that you wanted to accomplish in life, and you were young. The last thing you wanted was for a guy to waltz into your life and throw a spanner in the works.

You debated not answering but you didn’t want to be that girl. You’d seen enough times when a girl would ignore Jimin and how badly it messed with his head, you had no desire to do that to Hobi. It wouldn’t be a lie to say that you liked him too, but you had only ever thought of him as a friend. You had never entertained the idea of anything more with any of your guy friends. Yet here you were, sitting on the floor at your grandma’s house surrounded by family, feeling like the response you sent would determine the course of your relationship with Hobi from here out.

[9:48am] You: I miss having your dorky face around too. Define ‘like’ for me will you? Is this secret text speak to let me know that you’re being held hostage and need rescuing because if so, you are out of luck, I’m out of town with my family.

You hit send and waited. You replayed your entire friendship with Hobi in your head, searching for any hints that the boy liked you as more than a friend. For the life of you, you couldn’t think of anything.

Your phone buzzed, letting you know that he’d responded. You hesitated. Did you want to see the response? What would you do if he was kidding? What would you do if he was genuinely interested in you? Question after question flew through your mind at a rapid pace. You didn’t get time to mentally answer one before the next appeared. You shook your head to clear your thoughts and picked up your phone. All of the what if’s would drive you mad so you figured you might as well look at his response and deal with it from there.

[9:50am] Hobi: I’m not being held hostage you idiot. I’m hungover and finally decided to tell you that I have a crush on you ok?

Little did you know that your response would lead to the two of you having a very open discussion about what you liked about each other and then the teasing turned to flirting. The flirting turned to long phone conversations where you shared stories with each other and learned more about each other. During that time your feeling started to shift and you started to really care for him. You felt your feeling grow and soon enough Hobi was on your mind every day. All you wanted to do was spend time with him and hang out but your parents were pretty strict, never letting you hang out with boys on your own because apparently if that were to happen suddenly you’d be pregnant. Their knee jerk reaction frankly, offended you. They had such little faith in your ability to keep your legs shut that they decided to remove the option for you to spend time with friends - especially if they were guys.

It took a little bit of lying on your part for the two of you to finally spend time together outside of school. One of your friends was having a sleepover and movie night and your parents agreed to let you go since you told them it was just you and a few girls. You left out the part where there would be a few guys there as well because you really wanted to see him and you really didn’t see what the problem was. You weren’t about to lose your virginity to Hobi, hell the two of you hadn’t even kissed yet.

That night the two of you had your first kiss and decided that you both needed more practice because it was awkward as all hell. It was sloppy and inexperienced, and even though neither of you had any prior experience to draw from, you both knew it should have been better. So you kept trying until it was perfect. Then you kept kissing because it was addictive and you liked how his lips felt on yours; how he could make you breathless and make you feel desired.

It was 6 months in when he first told you he loved you. You’d been watching anime on a thin mattress on the floor. You weren’t sure if he had meant to say it so you kept quiet but as soon as you felt him tense you turned to see him staring down at you, his eyes full of vulnerability. He’d been worried that you didn’t feel the same but you soon eradicated that fear. “I love you too Hobi.” The smile that filled his face warmed your heart. You loved that you could bring him this much joy.

He was a good guy. He respected your weird wishes and didn’t pressure you to have sex, the two of you just continued to explore each other in every other way until that day, almost one year into your relationship, when you told him you wanted to try it. Almost one year in and your parents finally let you stay at his parent’s house with him. They didn’t realize just how well acquainted you were with his bed, or how his parents didn’t care what the two of you got up to. There had been times when you were driving home and you could still feel where his hands had been. Unlike the first kiss, sex for the first time was not awkward. You put it down to the 11 months of foreplay and learning each others bodies like the back of your hand, but it didn’t hurt. It made you feel even closer and opened up a whole new thing for you to both explore.

You trusted each other implicity and because of that the two of you not only learned what positions you liked the most but you also explored kinks and ideas that turned you on. You had no problems telling each other if something wasn’t working or instructing each other on how to do better. Sex was a learning experience and the two of you were more than willing to put the hours in to make it the best it could be for both of you.

The relationship wasn’t all sex though. Hobi would surprise you, and though neither of you could afford much, he’d take you on fun and thoughtful dates. There was one time where he saved up and took you to a fancy restaurant he knew you liked, and there was another time where he tricked you into getting into his jeep at 4am. He’d put a mattress in the back and a ton of pillows and blankets, as well as a basket with snacks and hot chocolate. He drove to one of the hills at the back of the property that overlooked the mountains and the two of you watched the sunrise in comfort. He made you laugh, he made you care, and most importantly, he always made you feel comfortable with being yourself. He loved that you weren’t afraid to disagree with him and could hold a proper debate with him. He loved that you always wanted to cuddle but didn’t crowd him. You never had a problem with him having time to himself or to hang out with friends, you knew how much he cared for you and you understood the need for time away from your significant other.

Fast forward another year and you’d both finished high school. You’d often talked about this day, knowing that you’d likely take different paths. He wanted to take a year to travel and work while you wanted to go straight to university, knowing that if you stopped studying you’d likely never return to it. The ultimate dream for your future was for the two of you to move to the south of France and live in a quaint little cottage with your two dogs and be independently wealthy. You’d have no worries or anything to stress you and you could just enjoy each other for the rest of your days. When you’re young, bright eyed and bushy tailed, that kind of dream future seemed so attainable to you… Not that you were old now, but you felt far less naive.

Unsurprisingly the long distance thing didn’t work out. Initially he’d asked to take a break while the two of you were apart, saying it would be easier if you didn’t have to worry about each other for the six months he’d be gone. You’d cried a lot, thinking he was trying to be gentle and break up with you but he assured you that it was temporary and that he still loved you more than anything.  

The break lasted two weeks. He caved first, calling you from some backwater town to tell you how much he missed you.

“Hobi, are you crying?” You’d asked.

He sniffled before answering. “Maybe. Look, I was an idiot ok? My parents told me the whole break thing was the smart thing to do but all I’ve thought about for the past two weeks is you and how I want to call you my girlfriend and it kills me to think of you not being able to call me your boyfriend. Can we please end this break thing? I hate it so much.”

You sunk into your beanbag, feeling the weight and sadness that this whole break thing had brought you. “Of course, baby. You know I hated the idea in the first place.”

He exhaled. “Thank god. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d said no. I can’t lie, it’s going to be difficult, but I feel better if we’re together.”

The six months passed slowly and painfully for you. You were living at college and going to parties while he was away working. You were never tempted to cheat and you were thankful that no matter how drunk the people you lived with got, they always remembered that you were off limits. You visited home whenever you could, going to his parents house and taking photos to send him of his room and his dog. You hung out with the guys who were still in town, Yoongi and Jungkook.

Yoongi understood yours and Hobi’s situation perfectly since his girlfriend had moved away to study as well. He didn’t want to move, and so they were doing the long distance thing too. Jungkook was studying online so that he could stay living at home longer. Deep down you got the feeling that he just wasn’t ready to leave the comfort of his home town yet, but you knew that he’d eventually leave and once he did, he’d probably never return.

You passed a lot of time hanging out with Yoongi and playing video games. It made both of you feel less lonely and you understood each others mood swings and the reasons for them.

“Long distance fucking sucks.” he’d blurted one night.

“I’m not gonna disagree with that.” you’d replied.

“She’s always too busy to chat to me lately… w-what am I supposed to do with that?” He glanced at you, a small fire in his eyes. His girlfriend had been dodging his calls all week and you had been waiting for it to reach breaking point for him. Apparently tonight was that night. “I get that she has classes and assignments but she can’t give me 10 fucking minutes? I miss her, does she even miss me? I just want to hear her voice, to hear how she smiles when she talks to me… does that make me pathetic or something?” What started as a rant drifted off into self doubt and as he uttered those final words he averted his gaze, not wanting you to see how hurt he was by her actions.

“When was the last time she made time for you?” you asked gently.

“Honestly,” he scoffed. “I don’t remember.”

“Then Yoongi, you need to tell her what you just told me. You need to tell her that she isn’t making any time for you in her life and that it needs to change.”

His response was almost a whisper, as though he didn’t want to think of the answer. “And if she doesn’t make time?”

You took a deep breath. “Then as much as I hate to even say the words, it might mean the end. It’s not fair on you to be putting in all of the effort. Relationships are not a one way thing.”

“But I love her.”

“And if she still loves you as much as you love her then she’s listen to your concerns and make time for you in her life.”

They lasted one more month until she began pushing him out of her life again. He made a last stand for their relationship and travelled down to see her. You still don’t know what happened during that trip but when he returned he refused to talk to you. He only spoke to Hobi and Jungkook, and Hobi told you during one of your phone calls that Yoongi was now single. You felt for him because he really did love his girlfriend, but she apparently had started moving on long before he had even thought of letting her go.

From that moment on, Hobi was different. He was due to return in only a few weeks and he kept dodging making any plans to see you. He just wouldn’t let you pick a day to see him, saying he had to wait to see what his family and the guys were doing first then he could let you know. It should have been a warning sign, but you let yourself reason that he had valid excuses. More than that, you didn’t want to be the pushy girlfriend and you were scared that if you pushed to see him, he’d only grow more distant. The calls that had once lasted twenty minutes or more were now reduced to a maximum of five minutes, barely enough time to have any sort of conversation.

You didn’t see him for a whole week after he came home and it was tearing you apart. Every time you had a text notification you were afraid to look because you thought it would be him telling you he didn’t want to see you. Every time someone wanted to make plans with you, you hesitated in case he asked to see you then. You’d texted Yoongi, telling him your concerns but he’d told you not to worry, that Hobi was just adjusting to being home and he’d be back to normal soon.

When you finally saw him it was like nothing had changed. He’d engulfed you in a bone crushing hug and peppered kisses all over your face. He’d held you tight and told you how much he’d missed you and how sorry he was that he’d seemed strange and distant lately. You forgave him because you were just so happy to have your Hobi back. It was different this time. He needed more time to himself than he used to and he took to partying which concerned you. More than that, when you voiced your concerns he told you to lighten up.

You started to dislike the person he became when he drank or got high but you remained silent, telling yourself you were happy. He loved you and you loved him and that should be enough.

The tension only grew between the two of you, you were constantly upset that he didn’t seem to want to make time for you and he kept telling you that you were smothering him. You tried taking  a step back and told yourself you wouldn’t contact him unless it was an emergency, otherwise you’d wait for him to contact you. You wanted to give him his space and not feel like you were suffocating him but at the same time, deep down, you knew something was coming, and that you weren’t going to like it. You pushed that feeling deep down, not wanting to dwell on it.

It took four days for him to reach out and talk to you. He invited you over to hang out and you were so happy that you’d get to spend the day with him, just the two of you. He treated you wonderfully that day, snuggling on the couch while you watched a movie before the two of you gave in to baser needs and fucked on the couch. In all of this the sex had never become boring or passionless. It was one way you could still tell how much he cared for you.

But the parties continued and you could no longer pretend to be happy. You couldn’t handle the way he shifted between doting boyfriend and life of the party, stoned and wanting nothing to do with you unless it meant sex. You stormed out one night and started walking home, you didn’t care that it was on country roads with no lights or that it would take hours, you just needed to leave.

You’d gotten about 20 minutes down the road when Yoongi’s car found you.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I can’t stay there Yoongi.” You tried to swallow the tears that were threatening to fall. “I just can’t. Don’t pretend like you can’t see the way he’s changed.”

The look in his eyes told you that he understood. He didn’t speak straight away, rather he let you get control of yourself before he continued the conversation. “Then where are you going?”

“Home.”

His eyes widened in disbelief. “What?! Your home is nowhere near here. Walking would take all night.”

“I can’t be there right now. That’s all I know.” You pointed at Hobi’s place as you spoke.

Yoongi sighed. “Get in.” When you hesitated he added. “I promise, I’m not taking you back there. Let me drive you home if you are so adamant on leaving. I cannot in good conscience let you walk in the pitch fucking black for hours.”

He was true to his word, not turning the car around but instead driving you back towards town. You were so in your own head that you hadn’t even thought to ask why he had left his best friends party but it’s something you would ponder at length later in the night. You stared out the window as the countryside flew by. Yoongi didn’t try to disturb the silence that enveloped the vehicle rather he let it carry on, telling himself that the moment it started to feel awkward he’d speak.

The trees slowly became fewer and the buildings and urban landscape began to grow outside your window signifying that you had reached town. Yoongi hadn’t driven straight to your place, instead veering towards his own. You turned your head with a somewhat confused look upon your face. You figured he was going to drop you home then head to his place afterwards. It made no sense to you for him to go to it first.

“I uh, well I figured I’d offer you a choice.” He started.

“Yoon-”

“Let me finish.” He cuts you off before you can protest. “Option one - I drive you to your parents place and you stay there or option 2. I let you into the granny flat I sleep in at my dad’s place and you stay here. Either option, you’ll have a bed to yourself but I figured you might not want to go home since you smell like smoke and booze.”  

The confused look doesn’t leave your face. “Weren’t you going home? I’m not kicking you out of your bed Yoongi.”

He smiled. “Don’t worry. Jungkook told me you just up and left the party and I knew Hobi drove you to his place so I figured like the stubborn person you are, you took off with the intent to walk home. You owe me dinner or something to make up for it.” He chuckled.

“In that case, I’ll stay in your room.” He nodded and parked the car. Before he could get out you grabbed his hand, causing him to look back at you, a perplexed look upon his face. “Thank you for… just thank you.”

His gaze softened. “He’ll come around, you just have to let him get used to being home again. Also, I take pizza as payment.” He smirked as he finished speaking, trying to lift the mood so that you wouldn’t wallow for the remainder of the night. “Come on, I’ll let you in so you can shower and sleep. I will kill you if you get in my bed smelling like that.”

“…The fuck do you expect me to sleep in?” You asked. Surely he realised that the clothes you were wearing were the only clothes you had with you and you sure as hell weren’t sleeping naked in your boyfriend’s best friend’s bed.

“I honestly don’t care. Go through my drawers and find something then shower.” He paused as he unlocked the door to the granny flat. “I swear to god if my pillow smells like cheap whiskey and weed I’ll hunt you down and-”

“Relax. Stop worrying your pretty head, I’ll shower jeez.” you muttered as you pushed past him, ruffling his hair.

He chuckled and started to close the door. “Sleep well schnookums.” He caught the pillow that you flung at him, laughing harder when he saw the look on your face. He tossed it back and tried to compose himself. “Goodnight, sleep tight. Don’t let the bed bugs bite!”

“You are so fucking cheesy. My god.” You laughed reluctantly. “Goodnight Yoongi.”

You did what Yoongi suggested. You gave Hobi time to return to normal, to come back to you, and for a little while it worked. There were days when he’d turn up and it was as if he’d never left. He took you on cute dates, spent time with you, rekindled your sex life, talked about the future - the whole shebang. For a time, you were happy. But in the background you noticed habits that he picked up, smoking, drinking, partying… and you disliked them more and more every time you saw him doing any of those activities. Every time you confronted him about your concerns he somehow spun the conversation into a guilt trip, making you feel like the bad person.

Then that day arrived. The day you’d been dreading so much that you’d pushed all of the warning signs so far down in the hopes that if you pretended like everything was fine then it would be. You had a friend from college visiting and it was her final night staying with you. You’d spent the night laughing and watching trashy tv accompanied by equally as trashy snacks when he called. You knew immediately that something was wrong from the tone of his voice, he sounded so deflated and resigned and it honestly scared you. It twisted something in your gut and a weird feeling flooded your system. You excised yourself from your room and went to sit in your car, needing to be alone for whatever conversation you were about to have.

“I think we should stop seeing each other.”

Alone those words meant nothing but put into a sentence that came out of the mouth of the person you loved, those words were like a knife to the gut. Instantly you hated that sentence. You tried to reason with him and press him for an explanation, thinking nothing could be worse than that sentence. You were wrong, there was a far more painful sentence coming.

“I don’t think I love you anymore.”

You broke. The knife in your gut left only to ram back into your heart and twist. You’d never believed descriptions of heart break but in that moment you knew that no matter how a person described it - the real feeling was a hundred times worse. You sobbed as you tried to talk to him, to figure out what went so wrong, thinking that if you could pinpoint a specific reason then you could fix it. You both ended up in tears because even if he didn’t love you anymore, he still hated being the reason for your pain.

A/N Thanks for reading & please - comments are always welcome.

[kaspmatic]

How would you say you relate to Eddie?

BIG FUCKING OOF –ok, I hope you guys are ready to go on a wild ride with me down memory lanehere. there is quite a bit that I can cover on how I relate to Eddie – soplease bear with me and if you read this then; kudos, brownie points, goldstars, all of that shit to you. I’m going to put my actual answer under a read morebecause I know this is going to get lengthy. And honestly, probably a littlepatchy and I might jump around a bit so I won’t force this shit on anyone whowon’t intentionally click that read more for the deets. LOL.

OVERBEARINGFAMILY - REPRESSED HOMOSEXUALITY

To lay a little backgroundon everyone, I grew up NOT knowing my biological father. I lost himat a young age and spent a lot of my younger years growing up with a singlemother – my mom worked in a hospital, so every little thing that happenedbecame a giant issue; I had a cough? go to the doctors. I was always cold? goto the doctors. I sneezed funny? go to the doctors. (I think you guys get mydrift with where I’m going here). as a child I spent a lot of time in and out of thehospital because of this, now I’m not saying my mom has Munchausen Syndrome byany means, she definitely didn’t force diseases onto me. I justrelate and understand that pain of always having to go to the hospitalfor the most trivial of concepts. As a child, however, I did spend quite a fewyears toting around an inhaler that I didn’t even fucking need. Call it a baddiagnosis or whatever you will – but it was still something that I had todo that I didn’t even need.

Not having my dad aroundlead for a lot of weird and one-sided views in my mind throughout my youngeryears of life – for a long time I had only the woman’s point of view onevery aspect (at least until my mom remarried years later - I was in myteens by that time).

To continue talking aboutmy overbearing mom – she still tries to be to this way alongsideher husband to this very day (hi, I’m fucking 32 years old here – just tothrow out my Grandma age on tumblr so you aren’t shocked in a paragraph or two).Everything has to be done a certain way or its wrong – they thrive on avery myway or the highway look of things, and this has been something that Ihave constantly had to push back against in more recent years - because I havefound love and support from those who are willing to tell me that its fuckingOK to not be the person your parents want you to be.

Like Eddie, I’ve lost partsof myself throughout life appeasing my family with moldingmyself to fit what they thought I should be - what I needed to be. The biggestissue being homosexuality. I grew up with a Catholic Grandmother who wouldat anychance and drop of a hat find any reason to bitch about the gaysin the most hate speech and closed minded filled way I have everheard in my entire existence. I grew up believing that I couldn’t come out –that I couldn’t truly be who I wanted to be because my family wouldn’t be onboard and I was terrified that they wouldn’t understand or support me and Ibelieved wholeheartedly that if I DID comeout, that I would lose each and every family member that I had becausemy Grandma and other members of my family have very strict views on it - andneed I repeat, are overwhelming overbearing and controlling. When I was firststruggling with the idea that I was part of the queer community, oddly enough,I was 13. By this point in time I was used to listening to my Grandma bitchabout the LGBT+ community for years. I remember one instancedirectly with my mom; we were on a vacation and I remember asking my mom what shethought of the LGBT+ community and she told me flat out that I wasn’t allowedto be Gay.

That right there told me everythingthat my young mind needed to hear. That no matter who I was as a person, that myfamily wouldn’t support me – even over something so simple as lovingsomeone of the same sex. I spent the next 17 years hiding who I was, just toappease the ideals that I thought I had to adhere to. I dated strictlyboys and it landed me in unhappy relationship after unhappy relationship– ultimately my last relationship with a CIS male was a completelycontrolling and abusive one. One where they wanted to control everyaspect of my life - much like how Myra does to Eddie once he’s given in andfallen to Sonia’s whims and has told himself that he has to take the easy wayout. I was miserable in the relationship and everything had to beapproved of by him. It was some of the darkest times in my life but thatrelationship was one that defined me and really made me realize just how unhappyof a life I was leading just by appeasing those around me.

Granted, my repression andcloseted sexuality doesn’t end there. I got out of that relationship when I was22 and spent years recovering from the sheer amount of abuse I was taking fromhim – all the while I was still so tightly wound into the clutches of myparents. I traded off from one controlling household, to a new controllinghousehold, and back to the one in which molded me.

I spent the next 8 yearsgoing through a lot – all the while I was being medicated on anything andeverything under the sun just to right me as a person – because obviouslythat’s the answer here. I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals due tobad reactions to medications, medications not mixing well, just generallytrying to get myself back to WHO I was. I was just a shell of myself duringthese years, I was in college and struggling even more so with myself and mysexuality as a free bird – so to speak. I tried dating around and nevertold my family when I was with a woman because I didn’t know how. I didn’t knowhow to tell a family so openly against it that’s who I waswith. So, I continued to lie and appease and struggle.

The entirety of my closetedyears – those 17 years – I struggled with every sexual thought Ihad toward a woman. I hated myself. Told myself I was wrong and that it wasn’twhat I was supposed to do. It took me a long time and some reallyfucked up situations to really start to love myself for me. To understand thatno matter what – whether my family love me or accept me – that I am who Iam and NO ONE can fucking changethat.

Granted this story at thevery least has a happy ending, unlike Eddie’s, I met Ari and finally came outat 30 – much to part of my family’s dislike – but my parents wereaccepting and my Mom ultimately didn’t even fucking remember the trauma she hadinduced when I was young. BUT I DIGRESS….

 EMOTIONS - DEALING WITHEMOTIONS

Eddie and I both similarlyshow our emotions – and it’s not always in the best light. I struggle withsomething called Emotional Overwhelm which I actually have a headcanon for I’vebeen meaning to write up for Eddie for fucking weeks since I went and saw ITChapter 2’s early release. It’s something that I recognized in Eddie and reallystruggle dealing with in day to day life. Emotional Overwhelm is an instancewhere things kind of pile the fuck up – everything,even if it’s something small, can feel like a deep wound. People whostruggle with emotional overwhelm feel things differently than normal – anoffhanded comment that could make one person laugh and blow it off will feellike a stab to the heart and a betrayal to someone who deals with it. Strugglingwith this kind of an emotional issue causes me to lash out at unnecessary timesand can be rather debilitating in relationships if your friends, family, oryour partners don’t understand it. It’s worse when you feel a sense of being “gangedup on” (at least for me) so during times of joking around I can easily lash outand take a simple joke as a complete attack.

My chest constricts – mybody will not allow me to breathe easily and if I don’t force it – and ithurts deeper than it should. My anxiety runs high during these times and that panicsets in deep. I can’t fathom emotions if there are too many in place, my mindwill refuse to address them so they pile up. During this time, my mind will fogand I can’t even process anything being said – for instance; if I’m in asituation where issues are being listed off to me and I start to hit thatemotional overwhelm peak – my mind is still focused on exhibit A while theperson is already listing exhibit E. My mind will not allow me to process situationslike this as a WHOLE not in a rapid-firesuccession. The buildup can be excruciating and takes a toll on my body that itall will spill out in a sassy, feisty, and – for the lack of a better word – kindof a shitty outburst. 

Having these outbursts stemfrom growing up in a household where I wasn’t appropriately taughthow to handle my emotions. My family were not people who would discuss emotionsor situations where my emotions got “out of control” – it was always a “stophaving emotions” type argument. I was gaslighted, manipulated, and bullied intothinking any and all emotions were bad. Plain and simple. I wasn’t allowed tocompose my emotions into words as this was not a thing that would everhappen with my family.

Much like Eddie, I tend tohave my emotions out there regardless of what I was taught – regardless ofbeing able to recognize those emotions I hate talking about them. It’s a viciouscycle. Discussing my emotions brings out my emotional overwhelm and it’s justan all-around messy situation at that. So, I try my best to hide my emotions– I clench my jaw, I go silent, I refuse to talk about it, I completelyshut down – I’m stubborn. It takes someone remarkably special and someone Itrust completely for me to really level with them – to be raw and showevery little bit of emotion that I have. Someone who is tolerable of it andunderstands what I’m going through, how I process my emotions… So needless to say,I have only ONE person who I feel comfortable with being this raw andvulnerable towards given my home life. So, a lot of the time my emotions– if every questioned by anyone will mostly be met with anger, because itwas the one emotion I was used to receiving growing up. It’s easier to lash outthan it is to make yourself vulnerable.

When I’m not having a terriblytraumatizing day and my emotional overwhelm hasn’t taken over, I tend to hide myemotions behind my sass. If I magically have a day where I’m notcompletely losing it and on an emotional overload type of day, my hurt showsthrough real quick sass and sometimes it’s not always tasteful. My brainto filter usually shuts off when I’m hurt and I feel like I’m being come for.

 UNDIAGNOSEDADHD - MENTAL HEALTH

Ok, this is another headcanonsituation I want to write up – mostly because of instances between Chapter 1 andChapter 2 that I picked up on. But I’m a firm believer that Eddie has undiagnosedADHD – take for instance the entire scene where they’re first introduced to TheClubhouse. Eddie’s reaction and the way he bounces from subject to subject withhalf sentences, his reaction to the paddle ball with Stan, his rapid fire nearlystumbling speech. I wholeheartedly believe that Sonia wasn’t concerned in theleast about mental health issues, only concerned for issues that would harmEddie physically and more in the realm of physical health issues.

Much like this, my Mom wasadamant that I didn’t have ADHD and refused to have me tested by any means. Istruggle with half sentences where my mind will be moving faster than my mouthor fingers – I notice this more when I’m typing, whether it be having adiscussion on discord or responding to replies. I don’t know how many times Ihave gone back to proof read and somehow, I’m missing portions of sentences andeverything is nearly a half thought. My mind processes things too quickly andone moment I’ll have my attention in one place and within a second something elsewill catch my attention. It’s always fast and catches nearly everyone around meoff guard that don’t really understand what’s going on.

To kind of wrap this backaround to my abusive situation and the lack of HELP in the metal health realm where the Mom’s are concerned. WhileI was dealing with these issues I dealt with a lot of mental health ailments(ptsd, manic depression, insomnia, and major anxiety/panic attacks to name afew.) these were all situations that required a lot of help through doctor’s,psychiatrists – you name it. But my Mom (and her husband) were always inthe realm of thought that a mental battle can be won without the use of medication– and this is honestly how I feel Sonia Kaspbrak thought and took mentalhealth issues. That they weren’t as big of an issue as say “health” issues areconcerned. That they were easily bypassed and just a “phase” that could begrown out of. Considering Sonia, who is a woman suffering with MunchausenSyndrome – mental health issues don’t get you the same attention as say asick and suffering child would with an actual sickness or disease that can beSEEN. And that is the biggest difference and I think why Eddie was nevertreated for having ADHD.

It’s seen, but it’s not onethat would necessarily bring about any sort of sympathy from others or keepEddie bound in her realm of control that she preferred to rule. 

[timeagainreviews]

The Eve of the Thirteenth

Recently I watched "An Unearthly Child," in preparation to write the first official article of Time and Time Again (TATA? Ok, I love that). But then it hit me that it’s a rather auspicious time to talk about the First Doctor’s first episode. With this being the eve of the first female Doctor’s first episode, it seems so appropriate. So I’m going to wait until after "The Woman Who Fell to Earth," drops.  See what I did there?

I know this blog is meant to be about revisiting episodes, but the timing is just too good. Besides, it is my blog. However, this being said, I suppose I should share my hopes and expectations for series eleven. 

Jodie Whittaker as "The Doctor"

Not since maybe Eccleston has anyone had as difficult a regeneration to overcome. While every actor new to the role feels a pressure to keep the show going, I’d say some feel it harder than others. Davison had to follow up an endearing seven-year run from Tom Baker. McGann had the pressure of trying to reestablish the show, as did Eccleston. Many people even said nobody could replace David Tennant. But the one I am reminded of the most is Patrick Troughton. Troughton was really one of those "make it or break it," Doctors. The concept of regeneration was far from established lore, it was rather a gamble.

Jodie Whittaker has a very similar weight on her shoulders. It’s another one of those "make it or break it" moments. The beauty is, I think she knows it. Everyone involved knows it. However, as much as I’ve emphasised on the pressures involved, I’m confident they chose the right woman for the job. She looks like a children’s show presenter in her costume, which is wonderfully coupled with her mad energy. For me, it’s never been about "We need a woman in the TARDIS," we need the right person in the role, and she’s perfect.

Doctor Who is the ideal show to change the gender or race of its lead. On a science fiction level, it makes total sense that the Doctor is able to change these things with ease. It’s almost laughable that it’s taken this long. It’s almost poetic. The Doctor- a man who has experienced thousands of years worth of exploration and change, still has something new to experience- womanhood. It is, as they say, about time.

The Companions

Honestly, I’m not that fussed over these companions. That’s not to say I’m disinterested or even upset with their casting. I feel confident they’ll all shine in their own ways, and live up to the show’s standard of companions. I think it’s cool that the Doctor’s friends this time around, are rather diverse. As a fan of older companions such as Wilf, or Evelyn Smythe, I am rather looking forward to Bradley Walsh as "Graham." Tamsin and Ryan both seem like they’re going to have some cute banter between the two of them. It seems pretty solid.

Many may say "That’s a pretty crowded TARDIS," but I like the bigger TARDIS crews at times, as they can be a nice way to add a new dynamic. The thing that would have actually excited me would have been a companion from the future, or past. Or even an alien companion. Not since Captain Jack, have we had anyone riding in the TARDIS who wasn’t from the present-day UK.  We got teased with it in "Asylum of the Daleks," with Oswin, and again in "The Snowmen," but then we ended up with modern day Clara Oswald. I had even hoped for Bill to be from the 80’s or 90’s. Where are the highlander companions? The Keepers of Traken? I guess Nardol sort of counts, but come on.

Chris Chibnall

Mr Chibnall is probably my biggest worry for the series. As a writer, I’ve never been all that big a fan of his episodes. "The Power of Three," was one I found particularly dreadful. When the Doctor saved the day by pointing his sonic at a screen, I felt cheated. The little cubes amounted to nothing, really. It’s not that he’s a bad writer, he’s just a bit dull. He managed to make “Dinosaurs on a Spaceship,” less exciting than the name implies. That’s probably impressive on some planets.

Overall, I think he’ll do fine, I’m just worried he’ll be a bit boring. I hadn’t worried much until he said that no old baddies would return in series eleven. Which, is fine I guess, but why not? While the Daleks and Cybermen can be really overdone (especially the Cybermen as of late), there is a wealth of villains to draw from the Doctor’s rogues' gallery. One group I’d like to see her face off against are the Axons. Whittaker’s "Godspell" evoking threads call for retro baddies!

So long as Chibnall doesn’t get too dark like he did with Torchwood (which literally felt like a little boy excited over getting to say the F-word), I’d say he’ll do fine. Parts of Torchwood were a bit "lizard brain," to its credit. Doctor Who should always have a touch of the surreal. The first episode had it. An indestructible police box, bigger on the inside, that travels anywhere in time and space? It seems normal now, but even to this day, there’s nothing quite like it. Keep the energy up, and keep it weird, you’ll do fine, Chris. It’s not like you’ll get the series cancelled again.

The New Writing Staff and Production Crew

I’ll be honest, I don’t know much anything about the writers. I’ve looked them up and read about some of their stuff, but that’s about as far as I’ve taken it. I will say however, it’s nice to see so much new blood. Men, women, people of colour, many perspectives. Doctor Who thrives on being shaken up. I’m all for it.

As for the new production crew, it’s even more of the same- happy to see someone new. I know a few people were growing tired of the whimsical look of much of the Moffat era. And at times, I kind of miss the tacky trash TV look of the RTD era. From what I’ve seen of the series 11 trailer, we’re in for something a little more grounded in reality. The cinematography looks rather simple, the sets seem plausible, if not a little dull. I’m hoping they’re hiding the big knock you on your ass sets and cinematography for the actual episodes. I would not be averse to having a show that looked as colourful as the promotional artwork we’ve been seeing. It’s gorgeous. A feast for the eyes. If the leaked TARDIS console pictures are anything to go off, I’d say they’ve kept some rather exciting secrets from us.

Segun Akinola replacing Murray Gold

Music is such an important part of Doctor Who. The theme song is both haunting and exciting: portentous of the tale about to unfold. The Radiophonic Workshop, with geniuses of sound like Delia Derbyshire and Ron Grainer, pushed not only the atmosphere of the show to greater heights but music as well. In the same vein as musique concrète, they were pioneers of electronic sound.

Upon the reveal of Akinola’s appointment as music director, I promptly sought out his SoundCloud and spent an entire afternoon listening to his stuff. I was heartened to hear he was both melodic and ambient at different times. His music is minimalist, and percussive as well. One of my biggest criticisms of Murray Gold was that he was too safe a choice. For me, he never really felt strange enough for Doctor Who.

Perhaps I am an odd duck, but I miss the days of the Third Doctor driving his bizarre car to a soundtrack of muddy synthesisers that sounded as if they wanted to murder you. The closest Gold ever came to that level of greatness was the aforementioned "Asylum of the Daleks." The music matched the tone of the episode exquisitely. I had hoped to hear more of that experimentation from him, but he never really did. Akinola seems the kind of guy who just might take us to strange places.

As we all know though, the true test will be in his imagining of the theme tune. I was never a huge fan of the Capaldi era theme. It didn’t really, slap as they say. From what I’ve heard of Akinola’s work, I’m very curious how he’s going to approach it.

Well, friends, that’s it for now. We’ve got nowt to do at this moment but wait. The next time you hear from me, it will have already happened! I hope you’re just as excited as I am! Doctor Who series 11 premieres tomorrow, the 7th of October at 6:45 pm on BBC 1!

[gayphoenixforce]

Uhh i wrote a short fic about Gabby and Laura Kinney and being disabled and what powers mean etc. Basically, Gabby loses her healing factor but her inability to feel pain is a real condition people struggle with. The snikt sisters are awesome and there’s loads of cameos

“Gabby, are you bleeding?”

It was early morning in the Kinney apartment. Gabby’s eyes peeked open, groggy from sleep.

“What d’you mean m’bleedin…” she mumbled, slowly beginning to wake up. Laura’s face was now clear in Gabby’s vision, and so too was the concern. Gabby’s big sister didn’t get scared - she was the freaking Wolverine - so the concern traveled quickly to Gabby. Now very awake, she began to scan herself for the blood source. Not feeling pain meant sometimes not knowing about an injury right away, but handy healing powers made it more of a nuisance than a reason to be afraid.

It was her left hand. The skin around the fingernail on her ring finger had been picked off, probably in her sleep. It was bleeding just enough to have smeared onto both of her hands, but thankfully not the pillow. It wasn’t something that should have made Laura concerned.

Then it dawned on her. Gabby realized that the amount of blood was not consistent with how much should have come out before her healing factor clotted, and eventually erased, the wound. In fact, the finger was still trickling a bit of blood. Something was wrong - Gabby’s healing factor had vanished in the night.

Dr. Hank McCoy spun around on his stool to face the Kinney sisters in his lab. Reading from a printout he said, “It appears that Miss Gabby has had her X-gene turned off. It’s still present in the DNA, but the gene itself is dormant now. She’s just a normal pre-teen girl.”

Gabby protested, “But I didn’t feel it! I can’t not be a mutant any more, I still don’t feel pain! Tell him Laura, I’m still an X-Man.”

Dr. McCoy sighed, taking off his glasses. “Gabby, Laura, you must understand. Gabby’s mutation was identical to yours and Logan’s Laura. She had an advanced healing factor and some heightened senses. The inability to feel pain is a condition entirely human.

“It is a syndrome called CIPA, which stands for ‘Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis’. It is very rare, but it results in the carrier being incapable of feeling pain. While that may be a superpower to a clone of Wolverines, it is actually very dangerous for humans. You see, Gabby’s healing factor was what was allowing her to lead a normal life. Superhero training gave her the strict regimen that fulfilled the non-violent aspects of the condition.”

Laura interrupted, “What does that mean? Gabby just needs to be extra careful about fights now, like a regular person, right?”

“Unfortunately,” Hank continued, “it’s not so simple. People with CIPA don’t just not feel the pain of a stubbed toe or a broken wrist. They also don’t feel hunger pangs or the urge to use the bathroom. This can cause severe malnutrition and dehydration as well as embarrassing accidents. Not to mention their difficulties with temperature regulation. They can’t tell if they are too hot or too cold, so they can be more susceptible to heat stroke or hypothermia.”

Gabby had completely shut down as Hank spoke. Laura did her best to provide some comfort with a hand on her shoulder, but it seemed brooding was also a family trait. Dr. McCoy gave the sisters some materials about the condition, as well a watch with built in timers for food and bathroom breaks. And because it was X-Men tech, it could also alert Gabby if her temperature was too high or low. Laura could tell Gabby was devastated by the diagnosis. Hank had no clue why her X-gene had turned off, or if there was a way to turn it back on. While they adjusted to the news, Laura was able to convince Gabby to take a break from being Wolverine and Honey Badger. Jean understood (because of course a telepath with motherly tendencies does) and told them to take all the time they needed.

It had been a week since Gabby had lost her powers. They were adjusting to the new schedule Gabby had to keep, from the watch’s chiming reminders to regular injury checks to make sure Gabby hadn’t hurt herself without noticing. Laura was doing her best to keep things normal for her little sister, but there was nothing normal about this. Worse, Laura could tell Gabby could see the worry on her face. She’d gone from coolest big sister ever to worrying mother hen in a week! Something had to be done. Laura may have been keeping her sister safe from physical danger, but Gabby’s hurt was on the inside, and she had never seen the girl so down. Claiming it was an emergency mission, Laura left the apartment to hatch a plan to cheer Gabby up.

All of the X-Men were sad to hear the news about Gabby. She was a ray of sunshine with claws. So when Laura came to the mansion with a mission to brighten her spirits, everyone was all in. Kurt suggested that Jean could do a telepathic version of a Danger Room session with Gabby, so she could still have a thrill without risk of getting hurt. Laura thought that might just make her even worse when the session ended.

Remy thought that a planned heist would lift anyone’s spirits, and he would have convinced Laura if the responsible adults (aka everyone but Remy and Jubilee) hadn’t stepped in to remind them that robbery was still definitely a crime. Forge suggested she take up a hobby like Lego or robotics (and even offered to teach her some basics). Storm offered to take Gabby flying. At one point, Rogue thought she might be able to temporarily give Gabby her powers by taking Laura’s and giving them to Gabby, but that felt cruel. Eventually, Laura had to leave to get back to Gabby, and she was still 0 for 10 on ideas to cheer up her little sister.

--

Stopping in a bakery in Hell’s Kitchen, Laura heard some crashes in an alleyway across the street. Dropping off her fresh pastries and her civilian clothes, Laura dashed to the source of the noise. A mugger had a young woman pinned to a wall. With a snikt, Wolverine let her presence known. But before the mugger could even look at her, an arrow smacked him in the head, knocking him to the ground. The woman ran away, grateful for once for New York’s endless supply of masked heroes.

Hopping down from his fire escape perch, the mystery hero revealed himself. “Woah! Wolverine? You handle muggers now? I mean I know Hell’s Kitchen already has Daredevil for the big name villains, but I figured the little guys were still fair game…” Hawkeye, aka Clint Barton, rambled as he retrieved his arrow from the mugger’s unconscious noggin.

Laura took off her mask, “I’m not a regular here. I was buying pastries for my little sister. Heard the noise from the scuffle. Sorry to uh, cramp your style, or whatever.”

Clint laughed, “Haha, wow! Wolverine shops at Daredevil’s Food Cake? And also doesn’t know how to use slang despite being a young person.”

“I was raised in a murder lab,” she replied with a roll of her eyes, “And the pastries are for my sister. They’re her favorite and I’ve got to cheer her up somehow.”

Clint recognized the concern in Laura’s voice and stopped his chuckling. Emotions weren’t exactly his strong suit, but he was always ok at least at being a friend. So he asked, “Why’s she need cheering up? Isn’t she a tween hero? Badger or something, right? Small-verine? What can bring a kid like that down?”

“Losing her powers, for one,” Laura said. She explained the situation to Hawkeye. He was a surprisingly good listener, at least, he looked like he was being a good listener. When she finished explaining, Clint scratched his head.

“Well, life-altering disabilities can definitely have that effect. Being deaf makes it hard sometimes. I’ll know I missed something important someone said. Movies are nearly impossible to watch, and closed captions are usually pretty awful. It can feel like the world is leaving you out. Like life’s a lunch table, and you can’t sit there,” he said, not really looking at Laura, but getting lost in his own memory somewhat. “She just needs time to adjust. And maybe some people who know what she’s going through? Even rare diseases have Facebook groups now, so it would probably be pretty easy to find some people for her to talk with.”

“What about you?” Laura asked, “Could you come talk to her? I know it isn’t the same thing, but I think you could help her more than me or any of the other X-Men right now.”

Clint was shocked. Him? Being helpful in a non-arrow related situation? But then he remembered what it was like, meeting other disabled people for the first time. Seeing them as a thriving community, a table he could sit at. How could he refuse?

--

Clint’s visit was a smashing success, and not just because he managed to knock over a lamp when retelling a story about disability rights activists. Gabby had some of her usual confidence back, and she was excited to meet other people living like her. Hawkeye had even promised to get her and Laura in touch with other disabled heroes, like Daredevil, Cypher, and Bucky Barnes.

Gabby wasn’t going to be exactly the same as she was before her powers went away, but no one really stays the same forever. Together, with her sister’s help, Gabby was able to find a new place for herself, not as Honey Badger, but as Gabby Kinney. She got involved with a children’s disability rights group, and was a hero, just not the kind she’d been before.

[theonetheycallsagey]

Howl

Woo, picking up where Home Invasion left off! First off, a happy belated birthday to my boy @gruntnuker-rwby. He’s been such a good friend to me for so long. Second, some new faces enter the fight, thanks to another friend that has supported me so much. Hope you guys like this one!

Dash belongs to me

Sienna belongs to @gruntnuker-rwby

Team WOLF belongs to @bunbun6969 (not her main social media lol)

Far away from the factories and mines of Atlas, the tribes of the Solitas mountain ranges thrived in the harsh conditions. Through peace and war, these villages remained hidden in the mountains as one of the Remnant's best kept secrets. Despite technological and industrial advancements within the kingdom, these areas laid isolated in time. Not many other than the ones who called it home knew of its existence. Even fewer would be crazy enough to brave the ice and the howling winds to live in the beauty of untouched nature.

The sun was just rising on a new day for the village known as Kavik. Some of the townsfolk were awake bright and early, including the chief's daughter. Stepping outside of her cabin, the girl's turquoise jacket was tied around her waist despite the light snowfall that was hitting her pale skin. Silver hair cascaded down her back, almost reaching her wolf tail. She stretched her arms out to embrace the rush of the cold against her body and the smell of pine trees before making her way into town.

"Priestess Wolverina," an elderly lady called out, stopping her morning walk. "You should really be wearing that jacket."

"Ma'am, it's Wolfie, you know that," she said, her carefree smile not fading for even a moment. "And I'll be fiiiiiiine. I've grown up in this all my life. This is my element!" The old woman knew Wolfie was always one to let her addiction to fun get the best of her, and sometimes it took half the village to make sure she stayed out of trouble.

"This is the priestess we're talking about!" a young boy spoke up, his ear lined up next to a radio. "The Battle Angel! The Wild Wolf! She can handle anything!"

"Awooooooo," Wolfie playfully howls before letting out a small giggle. The old lady couldn't help but smile at seeing the silliness in her heterochromatic eyes, but she still remained adamant.

"One of your new friends you brought back with you should make sure you stay warm."

"They do, Fernie especially. But, he can't stop me from being one with the snow!" she said.

"You guys kicked ass at the Vytal Festival! The whole village was listening on the radio cheering for you!" the boy said. Wolfie smiled at him then ruffled his hair, meanwhile the old woman was ready to smack the kid’s head. Through the kid's excited rambling, she caught a snippet of the news report playing on the radio.

"…following the developing story of the White Fang raid on the Ospreay estate…"

"Turn that up! Turn that up NOW!” Wolfie yelled. The serious tone she suddenly carried in her voice caught the boy off guard. He immediately went quiet and fumbled with the dial to turn up the volume.

"Atlas officials report no casualties, but millions of lien worth of property damages. There is still no word on the whereabouts of the two missing persons, the Ospreays' son Dash and daughter Dawn. Investigations report of a scuffle in the garage, where they found collateral damage and a puddle of blood. Both Tone Ospreay and his eldest son Tone Jr declined to comment on the situation. If you have any news on the status of Dash and Dawn Ospreay, call-". Wolfie reached over and shut the radio off. Listening to it any longer wouldn't help her believe it. Her gaze was fixed on the snow beneath her feet. Her mind and heart alike were racing.

"Priestess? Is everything ok?" the old lady asked. Her head snapped back up to see concerned looks from her and the little boy. She couldn't formulate an answer, only able to bolt back toward her cabin. There, the ram faunus Fern Tremblay was waiting in the doorway. Dark-skinned with curly white hair, his leather jacket was buttoned up over a green tank top.

"Wolfie, why even have a jacket if you're not gonna wear it?" Fern said. But Wolfie almost ran past him without even acknowledging him, let alone firing off a snappy comeback. "Wolfie? What's up?" Ignoring him again, she stepped past him and looked into the cabin. Inside, another boy was looking at himself in the mirror, trying to fix his scruffy green hair. A black-haired girl was asleep in the corner, her beautiful body hidden underneath blankets. The green-haired gentleman, Owen Walsh, turned to see his leader's distress.

"Lead? What's wrong?" Owen said, his Irish accent prevalent. "Did Fern and ya have a fight last night?"

"Hey! This isn't my doing," Fern said, walking in behind Wolfie.

"Oh crap, she's still asleep," she murmured in reference to other woman in the room. "What is she gonna say?"

"Babe! What's wrong?" Fern said louder, spinning Wolfie around and holding her by the shoulders. He caressed her chin to make her look into his green eyes as he tried to give off the most comfort he could muster. Owen dropped his comb aside and slowly stepped toward them as well. Wolfie eventually sighed and brought her heart rate back to normal with a deep breath.

"It's the hothead," she said.

"Hothead? Ospreay?" Fern asked.

"What's Red got to do with any of this? Did te lad mouth off too much like usual?" Owen chimed in.

"He's missing. He and his sister were kidnapped by the White Fang," Wolfie said. Both guys shut up on the spot, and could only exchange glances of disbelief as Wolfie struggled through that sentence. Neither one of them could find anything to break the silence, so it was done by someone else.

"What?"

The female voice grabbed everyone's attention as each of them turned to face the dark-haired woman. She was now awake, sitting up in her bed. Her button-up top was ruffled and the blankets were now pushed aside. Her own face of disbelief was mixed with more outrage than the others' expressions.

"Liddy, I…"Wolfie said.

"Sis, take it easy," Owen said softly as he slowly approached her. But, she stomped out of bed before Owen could get to her

"WHAT? Kidnapped?! Please tell me this is a bloody joke, lead!" Lidiette said angrily, her British accent cracking with an overflow of emotion. Wolfie could only shake her head, feeling the tension as Lidiette's face grew dark. She screamed through gritted teeth loud enough for her brother to cringe slightly. Before anyone could think of the right words to tell her, she immediately walked back to her bed. Rummaging through her stuff, she put on her tailcoat, vest, top hat, and laced on her knee high boots. She grabbed her cane that was leaning on the wall and gripped it tight.

"I'm going to find him!" She stormed toward the exit until Fern stood in the doorway with arms up to block her.

"Nope! He could be anywhere in Remnant, and you are never gonna find him by blindly marching around," Fern said. Lidiette knew he was right, and she definitely knew that they weren't going to let her go alone. But, she still wanted to lash out at something, anything. Knowing his sister all too well, Owen stepped in, wrapping her up and lifting her in a hug before she could do anything.

"We have to do something! I will not just let them take my darling from me! I’ll kill them before they lay another hand on him!” she yelled, thrashing around in Owen's arms.

"We will do something," Wolfie said confidently, trying to console her. Her leader prowess was kicking in, the rally cry that united her team so many times before. "I want the hothead back too. He's like a little bro to me. Not to mention how much he means to you, Liddy. We just have to figure out where he is."

"How do you suggest we do that?" Owen asked, setting Lidiette back down on her feet.

"Simple. We get it from the mouth of the White Fang itself. With so many members, one of them has to give us what we want if we force it out of him. We just gotta grab the Fang's attention. Which means…" A crazy and mischievous smirk came across her face as she panned back to her teammates with eyebrows raised.

"Which means we got to piss 'em off!" Owen said with a laugh. "Oh I'm in. That's one hell of a fight!" Wolfie then looked over her shoulder to Fern next.

"Crazy, probably gonna die? Nothing unusual as far as your plans go. I'm in too. Let's go save the idiot and his sister."

Wolfie pumped her fist then walked to Lidiette. Looking down at her cane then back to her leader, Lidiette saw the conviction that made her such a great leader, especially in the biggest of crises. She set the cane down then hugged Wolfie tight. After stepping back and scanning over the rest of her team, she met them with a nod that replicated Wolfie's assurance. Owen shouted excitedly and grabbed his jacket. Wolfie smirked at her team's eagerness, and Fern wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Team WOLF was back in business.

It took Dash several moments to process that he was awake. He couldn't tell where he was, or how much time had passed. The room was dark, barely lit enough to see a sizeable red blot on the bandages that were wrapped around his stomach. In fact, the pain was the only thing confirming to him that he was awake. He tried to reach for the wound, but his hand only made it a few inches before restraints forced him to stop. After a moment of confusion, he pulled harder, but again only heard the rattle of chains.

The lights suddenly came on, blinding Dash temporarily. Once his sight came back to him, he saw Sienna stroll into the room, mask in hand. She was still in her White Fang uniform tights, but only had a black tank top on her torso.

"Not gonna hide yourself behind that mask?" Dash said, his voice shaky compared to the usual confidence it carried.

"I don't need to hide from your bullshit anymore, Ospreay," Sienna said back, dropping her mask on a nearby desk.

"Someone gets in one cheap shot and all of a sudden they can topple an empire?" Dash said. Sienna couldn't contain her laughter.

"You're still so arrogant. You don't get it, do you? A cheap shot is still a shot, and it's the one that got me one of the most powerful families in Remnant in the palm of my hand." Dash's eyes zeroed in on the fox faunus, squinting like it was all a fever dream that he was expecting to dissipate any second now. "What do you expect? You have a very punchable existence."

"I almost beat you in dress shoes. You really think you stand a chance?"

"Your own little world must be one hell of a place, Spicy!" Sienna said, laughing even harder. "You're unable to grasp that none of that matters anymore. For the first time in your pretty little life, you've lost. You're nothing more than my little plaything until I can turn you over for ransom."

"Plaything?! Ransom?!" Dash fired back, fury spilling from his voice.

"What? Didn't think I've got some anger pent up in me? From every time you put me down, insulted me, trashed me, treated me like dirt!" The giggling was gone, and now her voice was matching Dash's in intensity. She slowly stepped forward and knelt down, looking the All-Atlesian shortstop in the eyes. "I've been looking forward to this."

"If you're that fed up with me, why don't you just kill me then? Too scared?"

"Oh, please. You're far too important to let slip through our fingers. I can - and will - get every bit of information I can out of you and use it to burn your precious family business to the ground." She stands tall, looking down upon her prey. "I would've dumped your barely conscious corpse for the Grimm, but my squad doesn't kill faunus and human alike."

"How noble," Dash sarcastically snapped. Sienna's anger flared again, her semblance kicking in with her tail flicking a small spark. "Why would I talk anyways?"

"Don't you want to see your little sister again?" His heart froze. His eyes widened. The last few moments of the party played in his head, a rush of memories overruling all his other senses. Dawn's cries for help. The blood on his fingers. He couldn't get up. He couldn't rescue her.

"Don't worry. She's safe," Sienna said, snapping him back to reality. She turned her scroll for Dash to see, and on the screen was Dawn, either asleep or unconscious. Even not awake, it was clear she looked terrified, and her eyes were still puffy from crying. But, she didn't have many bruises on her. "For now."

"Fuck off, Umberon! You were always a wasteland lowlife! Just some criminal who crawled out of the scrapyard!" He thrashed against his restraints harder, as if he could break free and reach through the screen to pluck Dawn to safety. But, with each enraged yank on the chains, he only exhausted what energy he had left.

"Watch what you say, boy," Sienna said back sternly. "Or I'll make an exception to my rule and send you back to your family too charred to recognize!" She roughly grabbed his face by the jaw and ignited her semblance. Without her gloves, the embers were more uncontrollable, but they were burning his face all the same. Dash winced and pulled on his chains again, not out of anger this time, but just trying to avoid the pain.

"Aw what's the matter?" Sienna said, backing off to admire her handiwork. "Not enough aura for just a tiny little burn?"

"Shit," Dash thought. "It hasn't had time to regenerate yet." With a devilish smirk, Sienna ran a finger across his jaw once again.

"Now. Tell me what you know about your shipments. Gimme locations of your biggest ports." Dash didn't answer though. Fatigue was already setting in once again. The pain from the claw marks and the burns was turning everything into a haze. Sienna grabbed his arm and dug her fingers in, sending a shockwave through Dash's body that was too much to shrug off.

"Kuchinashi, Izolim, Lugine. Weekly shipments for each of the kingdoms. A truck convoy goes directly to the Atlas capital," Dash cried out. Sienna's grip lessened, and Dash sighed at the little sweet relief he could get. Sienna smirked once again before taking a half step back.

"There ya go. Was that so hard?" she teased amidst more cackling. "This could be good for both of us, Ospreay. I get to watch your evil corporation crumble and you get to hug your adorable little sister one day. But, you gotta behave." She glances at her scroll then nods. "Especially while I'm gone."

"Gone?" Dash questioned.

"This kidnapping job got me some notoriety amongst the White Fang ranks. I just got a couple missions in some of the other kingdoms. I'll make sure to stop by those ports along the way." Dash tilted his head in confusion. He didn't know which were the 'other' kingdoms because he didn't know which one he was currently in. Sienna continued, "That's another day though. Today, I get to play more with my new toy." Dash didn't speak back due to a combination of fear and tiredness, but neither stopped him from putting on his best scowl. Sienna met the daggers being glared at her with nothing more than amusement.

"That's adorable. Clinging to the illusion of power still," she said while turning her back. After a long pause, she looked over her shoulder and went on, "Remember when my team and I first came to Beacon? You heard we were from Vacuo and tried to brand us as 'violent anarchists' in front of everyone."

"Yeah. I remember that," he softly said, not exactly feeling proud of that moment.

"I hated that day. I was so worried that was going to ruin us on the first day. On the outside, I was fine. On the inside, I wanted to scream." Her speech was now irate in tone as she approached Ospreay once again. After a brief staredown, she surprised Dash by tightly grabbing his abdominal wound with a hand that was aflame. Tears welled in Dash's eyes as he cried out in agony.

"Well. Now it's your turn to scream for me."

[raynebowrayne]

Random 4a.m. thought:

Life is going to throw you lemons. There is no 'maybe' to it.

You can choose to eat them raw, or you can make lemonaid.

But what if you don't like lemonaid? Or lemons? Or any sour/bitter thing? What if you can't handle sour/bitter things?

I know that I for one can't handle sour/bitter things. I become incredibly depressed and sometimes even suicidal when life pelts me with lemons... as it's been doing lately.

I've struggled for decades with Bi-polar disorder. Life's lemons may as well be made of semi-enriched uranium l for how utterly devestated they can leave me. I sometimes spend months so deeply depressed that I rarely leave my room. I sleep 12-16 hours a day. I eat three or four times in a week, if I'm lucky... I don't feel hunger... And hygene? What is that? How you're supposed to greet Gene Simmons?

I completely fail as a human being for months at a time.

But this time... this time is different. I... just... I realized, I can make lemonaid, and give it to those folks that I know need it. I don't have to drink it. I can give it away. I can find someone worse off than me and shower them with all that sugary lemony goodness, and take joy from having improved someone else's life... especially when I need someone to do that for me.

So, I did that.

From January '18 through the end of March '18 I was highly active on this site (Tumblr). I spoke to a lot of wonderful people, some of whom I quickly began to think of as friends. I'd be on here all day, everyday... literally writing a 90k+ Reylo fanfic between conversations with sometimes 3 or 4 people at once. I loved every second of it. I thrived on it... but my homelife suffered and then came to a crashing halt just after easter.

It's been tough, and I'm not gonna lie, I spent two weeks as a human embodiment of depressed failure. But finally I dragged myself out of bed. Stinky and greasey and in the same clothes I'd been wearing for god-knows-how-long I pulled my hair into a tight, grease slicked bun and slapped on some deoderant and went to check on my neighbor who had been involved in an auto accident. I didn't know many details, but I did know that she had lost her mother in the wreck and her brother/best-friend-for-life was still in the hospital... almost two weeks after the crash.

While I was there, listening to her pouring her heart out about her family time slipped by... hours in fact. I noticed that she hadn't been checked on once during that time. Not once. She had a broken foot, 5 staples in her head and chest contusions from slamming into the front seat (she was in the back, no seatbelt on).

She was highly unsteady on her crutches, to say the least... and under the influence of fully sanctioned opioid (sp?) Pain killers. She NEEDED help. She NEEDED someone to take care of her... her nephew and his gf were living in a camper in the driveway. They came in a couple times a day to cook (...usually in the wee hours of the morning...) or to shower/do laundry. My neighbor isn't a night owl. She's up by 8 a.m. when she sleeps in.

So, I stepped up. I got right up and fixed her something to eat, cleaned the kitchen and straightened the livingroom. She thanked me tearfully and I could feel how much that simple little bit of care had meant to her, and it felt good to me. So I came back. And again and again... everyday. I cleaned the whole house, did all the laundry, cooked or fetched whatever she wanted and it actually seemed to help her come out from under the dark cloud of depression and begin to move through the grieving process. I was helping her... and it felt good.

Her brother was finally released from the hospital and he came home with two surgically reconstructed lower legs as well as a dislocated rib and closed head injury... not to mention a ton of survivor's guilt... he was the driver. His mom died.

He needed types of care that I could not provide. I am not physically capable of lifting this guy or shifting him around. But what I could do, I did. Food, drinks, snacks, another pillow, shift his leg pillows for comfort... get his nephew to come help him out with stuff that I couldn't do...

I was dog tired and sore by the time I'd hobble home at night, leading my 95% asleep (because I had to wake him up to move him) 8 year old son by the hand. I worked my butt off for 12-16 hours a day for almost a month... My body began to hate me, especially my bad ankle and bum knee... but it felt good. I was helping.

A few days after the brother came home he began making the necessary calls to his insurance, medicab, etc etc. He was quickly overwhelmed and asked me to talk on his behalf to a lot of these people. I did what I could.

Well, his insurance co. Had to speak to his sister, to her they offered a lump sum of cash plus medical expenses. She accepted.

She starts talking about giving me money. I don't want her money. That's not why I was there. Money had nothing at all to do with me doing what I was doing. It felt good to help someone who needed it. That's why I was there. That's the only reason I was there.

My life had fallen apart, it was complete shit... but that was ok, I was helping, and it felt good. That was the only thing I truly needed... to feel like I could still contribute, I wasn't just a useless waste of space who had failed AGAIN.

I wish I could tell you that life is all bunny-slippers and rainbows now, but that's just not true...

Once the word 'money' entered into the wind the camper-dwelling girlfriend began to agressively try to shove me away from helping... not by stepping up to do for her boyfriend's aunt & uncle but by bitching me out over absolutely everything I was doing.

*me cooking dinner at 11 p.m after her saying at 6p.m. that she was gonna start dinner soon, her: I swear the god! *bitchy flounce* Why do you keep doing stuff I say I'm going to do?

*me mopping the floor on day 10 of her "I'm gonna sweep and mop in here just as soon as I get back from-" insert place, her: I said I'm gonna do that! You need to seriously stop doing the shit I say I'm going to do! *bitchy, slightly threatening posturing.*

And on and on... then came bill day...

Gf: We aint payin half the bills when SHE'S here everyday using electric and water and doing laundry everyday and taking showers and eating here for free.

I'd had 2 showers in three weeks there... I'd also bought $250 (a month's worth for me and my son) in groceries for them by that point... and the laundry I washed was all theirs minus one load of mine...

She even bitched about having "two dinners" everday because aunt n uncle like to eat before 8 p.m. and gf and nephew like to eat at 2 or 3 a.m. ...even though I made plenty for them too... they just refused to eat it.

I gritted my teeth and plugged on... most of the good feeling of helping sucked out of my soul by gf's treatment.

Finally, aunt's son gets out of jail and comes to help.... or so his mom said... the second night home he walks down the block and ODs on heroin. I was the one on the phone with 911. So, now I'm cleaning up after and cooking for 7 people... two invalids, one child(mine), and three able-bodied adults, one of which is chewing on my ass like it's made of beef jerky, one who may as well not be there and one that damn near killed himself via OD the day after I met him and then proved to be *shockingly* of very little use in helping to care for his injured relatives.

Finally it got to be too much negativity... The joy was gone, depression settled back in, I went for shorter and shorter times, did less and less...basically weened them off of me... until finally I just stopped going down there.

So, making lemonaid for other people turned out like so much else in life... bittersweet.

But I highly recommend it... it is worth doing, no matter the outcome, because it'll remind you of what YOU are worth.

[shir0ch4ns-art]

Chapter 22: Voe

The sun scorched the arid land below. Its unforgiving rays kissed the dunes and the people who inhabited them. Bleaching one and darkening the other. This does not bother the denizens of the desert, in fact they thrive in it. Building bazaars and towns in oases. Eventually leading to a kingdom and palace. All entirely lead by women. The Gerudo were an ancient race, molded by the harshness of their home, and built to withstand anything.

Hylians on the other hand have to be absolutely mental to travel that far into the desert. Which was what Vincent thought as he tried to keep cool in one of the outer oasis bazaars. Although everyone was free to travel the desert, Gerudo town was very strict on their no man policy. And so he had to wait elsewhere for their informant. But by Din it was hot. Even in the shade it was still sweltering, that informant better arrive soon or he might just turn into a puddle in this heat. Now that he thought about it, whom, did they send here. There was no way a hylian can withstand this place for an hour, let alone a week.

As the troop pondered this someone came into his view. And his jaw dropped. A gorgeous gerudo woman had arrived with two servants. She was decked out in all sorts of finery; circlet, earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, you name it. She wore an elegant attire that blended perfectly with armor, with the exception of a sheer veil over the upper half of her face hiding minute details. Her body was toned and athletic, as is the case with the Gerudo, but somehow it seemed a bit more so than usual. Basically she was the prime example of a Gerudo elite. Now Vincent can see why so many would flock here, if to just be able to even have chance at glancing at one of these beauties.

Distracted he didn't realize that the woman was headed in his direction until she was practically in his face. All logic flew out of the window as he attempted to speak. All that came out was a high pitched squeak of "I'M MARRIED!" He remembered a tradition of the Gerudo was to go out and find men to marry or mate with. So he said what he thought was important at the time. Unfortunately he read the situation wrong as the gerudo stopped in her tracks and burst out laughing. A deep belly laugh that was bordering on hysterical.

Red faced from not just the heat anymore, Vincent slowly came the realization that this woman was most likely the informant he had to meet with. And that her laugh was starting to sound suspiciously familiar. Very familiar. Embarrassment turned to horror as he realized the laugh was the exact same laugh he had heard before if somewhat huskier now. He had to ask, because it was just impossible for it to be him, but just in case it was him. "Volga?!" He managed to squeak out. Goddesses he was going to turn into a mouse with all the squeaking he did.

Yet to his further mortification the woman managed to nod amidst "her" giddy fit.

"Wha- how- I mean- wha?!" Vincent spluttered. He was thoroughly confused and horrified at the knowledge that he was checking his friend out. He needed answers dindammit.

"I *wheeze* I was, oh man you should've seen your face. I was ch-ch-chosen t-t-to- I can't do this. Lana! Oh goddesses," she turned around to control her mirth as one of the "servants" walked forward. How the hell did he not notice she had blue hair. Oh, she didn't have blue hair, it was black now. Looking at the now raven sorceress he silently pleaded for her to explain what was going on.

Despite her own giggles she managed to explain the, quite frankly hilarious, situation. Apparently the princess had held a secret audience with one of the gerudo guards. She, Kara, had explained that they feared there was an interloper among their ranks but had no way of discreetly weeding them out as they all know each other. So she proposed to the princess that she offer someone to "tour" the palace and listen to the walls. But they also had to be well trained, otherwise they will not gain any respect. And a woman for, obvious reasons. Of course they will try to make the lucky female appear as gerudo as possible but there were a few problems with that. One being that naturally occurring redheads among Hylians was quite rare, especially in castletown and the area around it where most of their female soldier are from. Two, no Hylian woman was as tall as a gerudo, it was just too tall even with heels. And Impa could not go as she would stick out and she needed to be at the princess' side at all times in case of an attack.

The dilemma was resolved when one lost, red headed, 7 foot, knight barged in by accident looking for a different conference room he was suppose to be at. With a bit of magic and a wardrobe change he became Visalia, an ex guardswoman who was honorably discharged due to a grievous injury. She then traveled around Hyrule gaining an enormous amount of wealth due to the fact that she had found a vein of precious gems in Death Mountain. Feeling homesick she returned to see how much had changed in the palace and requested a tour of it and to stay for a week.

The rest, as they say, is history. She was well received, told all of the gossip, discreetly found the mole, and was to be escorted home, end of story.

"But what are you two doing here?" Vincent queried. Cia had revealed herself as the second, now blonde, "servant" while Lana explained the events leading up to the encounter.

"Oh, that's simple. We're Visalia's handmaidens to help her out with her 'grievous injury.'"

" The spell we used to turn him into a woman actually needs to be constantly redone so this was the least suspicious way we could do it." Cia cut in.

"Aaaannd you were ok with all this?" He turned towards the bespeckled knight.

"Of course. Why, should I not be?" The genuine look of confusion was what really got to Vincent. Of course the dragon knight wouldn't have a problem with this, his whole family was like this. How could he expect anything less.

"No, you shouldn't have any logical reason to not be ok with this," the troop then slyly queried, " Sooooo, what's it like?"

Knowing exactly what he meant the hybrid merely stated, "Eh, different. Not bad but not really my thing."

"Really, why?"

"My center of gravity has really shifted and I need to be more careful when I walk in tight spaces. And believe or not I actually can't fit in most places I used to be able to."

"Yeah. Big, busty, and hippy couldn't fit between two walls!" Cia guffawed.

"They were too close together!"

"Oh! Don't forget the hidden crawl space under the palace!" Lana squealed.

"You said you wouldn't tell anyone about that!" Volga shrieked. "Whatever, lets go to the inn and change me back. Kara had better hold up her end of the deal." Swishing around he sashayed off in the direction of an inconspicuous building to the left, jewelry swaying perfectly with the movement.

"...so, how long did he practice doing that?"

"Two days."

A/N: When I got to Gerudo Town in BoTW I made the joke that Volga could easily be a gerudo based on the guard's description: Tall, red hair, and abs. Of course I had to write this chapter.

Regarding Volga's lack of reaction to being a woman I realized I kinda created a perfect society for quite a few marginalized groups. The Reptilian Clan can virtually be anything they want to, there are no secondary sex characteristics and nobody really cares about how they identify themselves since they're mostly a militant group so if they can fight then it doesn't matter. Females can still lay eggs regardless if they had mated with a male or not and it's all done in secret so nothing is actually revealed. And everyone's adopted so there's no "oh but he's the father/she's the mother" backstab reveal. -\_(ツ)_/- Of course he wouldn't find anything wrong with being a woman for a few days.

Up Next: And they call it puppy love.