#so he had a better relationship with his mom and he misses her and grieves her and loves her

[mrcavill88]

Despondency turned rapture

Pairing: Stepdad Andy Barber x Stepson Male reader

Summary: A recent family passing took a deep toll on you. Never have you ever felt so isolated from humanity. The only thing keeping you going are the lewd activities between you and your stepfather

Word count: 2.1k+

Warnings: 18+, ANGST, mentions of death, SMUT, age gap (reader just turned 18, Andy is 42) drunk Andy, reader is a stoner, intimacy in the shower, Dom Andy, deep kissing, skin biting, stripping, spanking, fingering, prostate orgasm, oral sex, face fucking, unprotected sex, cum control, breeding, cuddling

A/N: Hey everyone thanks for all your support lately. This is my first Steve only fic, hope you enjoy! (If you have any questions/requests, feel free to ask me in my bio;)

You're not quite sure how your life crumbled apart so easily. One moment you're frolicking in the park with your beloved mother and stepfather, then you're hyperventilating in a hospital hoping your mother's life could see another day.

*FLASHBACK 6 MONTHS*

"Mom! P-please *sniffle* please stay with me!" you pled as you tightly gripped your mothers hand, her body laying near lifeless on the hospital bed. "Sir! Why are you in the room? Your mother is in a fragile state I understand your pain but you need to exit immediately!" the frantic doctor yelled as he tried to pry you from your mother.

"Get the hell off me!" you yelled as you shoved the doctor into the concrete wall. "Mom! Mom! Answer me!" you cried as tears stained your cheeks, feeling helpless as your mother remains unresponsive.

And then it came

The longest, most heartbreaking beep you've ever heard in your whole life. The beep that signified the death of your mother. You fell to your knees as you've just accepted what reality has become, a reality without your mother.

"Y/N! What happened? Is she okay?" your stepdad Andy panicked as he rushed over to you, seeing your mother. "N-no, NO! NO!" Andy screamed as he hugged your body tightly, in grievance of your dead mother. Both of you sat on the floor, drowned in tears as you've both lost the dearest person in your lives.

The trip out of the hospital was one that wasn't that long, but for you and Andy? It was a million years. It took a host of angels to get you out of that hospital, several doctors needed to escort you out of the hospital room. That day, a part of you was never the same, you became an incomplete puzzle with a forever missing piece.

*FLASHFORWARD TO PRESENT*

You sit in your bed, still grieving your dear mothers death. A mountain of disposables piling up in the corner of the room, making the room reek of weed. A deep and scratchy exhale left your mouth as you continue to sit in your room, refusing to leave your domain. It seems like years since you've spoken to anyone,

Well, almost anyone

The only trustworthy person in your life? Your stepdad Andy. You two have always had a close relationship, you both understood each other on a level no one else (besides your mother) could. But little did each of you know, the deep feelings you both felt for each other. I mean, how could one resist Andy? His beautiful blue eyes that dilated each time he saw you, his broad figure and chiseled muscles, his structured face and sexy beard. You knew it was wrong, especially after your mothers death, but it was something out of your control.

"Y-Y/N! G-get your ass o-over h-here!" he yelled, slurring his words amid his recent alcohol addiction. You slumped off your bed and walked over to Andy's bedroom, the unpleasant aroma of alcohol filled the room as you shut the door; bottles upon bottles of beer stacked in his closet.

"Y/N, y-you better s-stop sm-smoking, i-it'll kill you. If I f-find one more goddamn c-cart in the t-trash, I-I'm whooping your ass. Understand?" he said, barely able to connect his words together. "You think y-you can talk? It smells like shit in here, I don't know how you keep all those muscles and that jawline when all you do is drink all the fucking time! Give it a fucking break already!" you yelled, right before a thick hand smacked your cheek, you held your face.

Andy grabbed your face yelling, "You speak t-to me like t-that again? I'll fucking k-kill you, understand?" squeezing your face. You nodded as tears formed and fell down your face. You ran out of Andy's room, into your room, slamming the door, staying there for what seemed like an eternity, but was only 2 days.

*FLASHFORWARD 2 DAYS LATER*

A light knock on the door awakened your seemingly endless slumber. You stood up, feeling sticky and extremely hungry, and dragged your body towards the door and opened it to a surprisingly healthy Andy, who didn't smell.

"Hey y/n, I know you probably want to talk to me but, I'm really concerned about you. You haven't left your room in ages and your mothers death (tears up) left its toll on both of us, but I know she wants us to find happiness in our lives. So please, would you come out? Maybe we could spend some time together?" he asked, caressing the cheek that he slapped the other day.

You gave him a blank expression, still feeling a little scared of Andy after what happened yesterday. "Fine". You finally walked out of your room, the sunshine blinding you as you sit down on the couch.

"Now, let's get you cleaned up. Honey, can you please take a shower?" Andy asked, his cute nickname for you leaving you a little bit surprised. You reluctantly entered the bathroom, it seems like an eternity since you last entered it. You undressed yourself and turned on the hot water, waiting for steam to accumulate before you entered. The hot water dampening your soft skin as you cleanse yourself for the first time since your mothers death. As you were washing your hair, you noticed the bathroom door slowly creaked open. The feeling of curiosity and anxiety filled you as you waited for someone to show up.

"Y/N? Can I come in?" Andy asked, as the door was still slightly ajar.

"Come in"

Andy walked in with a white tank top that perfectly illustrated his large biceps and broad shoulders, and, it got hard, and, it seemed that he realized this. He walked over to the shower and opened the door

"Hey! Get out! I need some privacy!" you yelled as you covered your private parts, slightly blushing. "Oh I'm sorry, lemme just close this" Andy said as he seductively slapped your ass, causing you to jolt and moan a little. "GET OUT!" you yelled, clearly aggravated, little did he know a little turned on as well. He left before you finished your shower, you turned off the water, dried yourself off and put on a tight little black tank top and some shorts.

You walked out and approached Andy in the living room, still a little surprised at what he did in the bathroom. "H-hey Andy, sorry I got mad at you there" you chuckled. "Oh it's all good Y/N, in the end, that was my bad. Come sit with me, the patriots are on right now" he said to you, bringing you over to the couch, sitting you next to him.

Oh God

You were feeling things you never felt before, things you shouldn't be feeling, he was your... stepdad. This was wrong, you couldn't help but feel butterflies race around your stomach, your body temperature rising as Andy got closer and more touchy with you.

"So Y/N, you like football?" he asked you, wrapping his muscular arm around your shoulder. You didn't answer him; you couldn't even think straight you were going crazy, sweat accumulating on your forehead.

"Y/N? Why so silent?"

"S-sorry I'm just-" you couldn't even finish your sentence before you found the six foot one man hands all over you, pinning you to the couch.

"H-hey! What're you doing!" you whined out as he got closer and closer to your face. "Oh Y/N, sweet innocent Y/N, I know you like me, in fact, you love me." he said, tightening his grip on you as he was practically an inch away from your face. "N-no Andy, this is wrong! You're my stepdad! What would mom think?" "Y/N, at a certain time, you have to move on, your mother was an amazing person, she would want us to be happy right?"

You shrugged your shoulders in response before Andy's lips crashed onto yours, your tongues twisting together, fighting for dominance; you lost. "Mm baby I've been waiting years for this, you don't understand how hard I'm gonna fuck you" he huffed as he continued kissing you, moving onto your neck. "Fuck, daddy" you moaned.

"Mm, daddy huh? I like that name, you only address me as that now, understand?" You whimpered in response as Andy started biting and sucking on your neck. Moans and whines leaving your mouth as your own stepfather was leaving hickeys on your baby soft skin.

When he was finished with you, you were a moaning and whining mess, breathing in and out at a rapid pace as Andy's eyes starting filling with something, insurmountable lust. "Strip for daddy" he commanded as he put you on your knees. You slowly removed your clothing unveiling your beautiful and slim frame.

Andy stared at your angelic figure, completely awestruck by the beauty that stand before him. He grabbed onto your shoulders and started sucking on your skin again. "Mm fuck baby! You taste as good as you look, you're gonna feel so good with me inside you!"

"Mm, fuck me daddy!" you moaned as the bearded man vigorously bit and licked your skin. He grabbed your body and placed your moaning figure over his lap; you knew exactly what part was next. He squeezed and fondled your cheeks, praising them before his hands gripped them firmly.

"Count"

"o-one" *SMACK* his hand swiftly cuffed your right cheek, causing you to wince in pain, and a wee bit of pleasure.

"two" *SMACK* he smacked your left cheek with even more force, causing you to scream as a tear leaked from your eye.

Said smack became 5 smacks, then 15, then 30. At 31, your ass cheeks were tinted red and tears stained your cheeks as your stepdad had just smacked the hell out of your ass.

"Oh baby, don't cry. Daddy is so proud of you, and he thinks it's time for your reward, baby. Come on, open up"

You aversely spread your legs open, leaning up on the couch you were sitting on. Right then and there, Andy slowly inserted his thick fingers into your tight and tiny hole. He used his spit as a lubricant to make the trip nice and smooth, causing moans and whines to constantly leave your mouth.

"Daddy! Ugh! Fuck daddy! That feels so good!" you whined as his fingers went in and out of your hole.

"Oh baby I love to hear you moan, it's like music to my ears. Now, this might hurt, just sit still ok sweetie?" he kindly said as he started finger fucking you with multiple fingers. Your moans started becoming screams as the feeling of pleasure, pain, and discomfort consumed your body.

"D-daddy! I c-can't take it anymore! I'm g-gonna cum!" you whined as you could feel your cock twitch uncontrollably, completely wet with pre-cum.

"Oh no you don't" he said cupping your cock in his other hand, making you even more horny. "Daddy can't have you cumming yet, I know you can do it, be a good boy for daddy". At this point, you were practically walking on strings, shear milliseconds away from shooting your load.

Andy finally released his fingers from you, sucking on them. "Delicious. Oh baby, you're such a determined little boy, thank you for not cumming, daddy appreciates it! Now, get on your knees baby, daddy needs to unload a little". You were still a little weak from Andy finger fucking you, but you got on your knees as Andy unleashed his meat. You've been picked down by many, but nothing surmounted Andy's cock. It looked to be 8 inches long, and insanely thick. You licked his bitter tip, causing him to groan out, before you started sucking his dick.

It didn't take much before you started gagging, your drool spilling from your mouth as Andys dick invaded every corner of your mouth. "T-take it easy b-baby. Oh fuck! Baby you look so good around my dick like this!" He started to thrust into your face, you almost fell back at his aggression. The sound of moans filled the room as Andy could feel himself getting close. Noticing this, you started moaning and whining on his dick, sending vibrations up his dick. "F-fuck baby" he moaned as he shot his thick and warm cum into your mouth, filling your mouth with his baby batter.

"Oh baby you did so well! Now, it's time for the grand finale! Come on baby, face down, ass up"

You stood crawled up on the couch and did as he asked, face down, ass up, your hole still lubricated after Andy's fingers violated it. "This is a very special memory Y/N, let's make the most of it. Alright?" he softly said before he violently thrusted his cock in your hole, going in and out aggressively.

"Daddy! Ugh! I love your cock so much daddy!" you whined as his meat was invading every bit of your insides. His thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier by the second as the pleasure he felt weakened his knees.

That's when it happened

His dick thrusted into your prostate causing you to go crazy, cock twitching uncontrollably as cum shot from your cock onto the couch, practically painting a section white. "B-baby, I-I'm close, y-you're doing so well" Andy groaned as he was once again close from summing, this time inside you.

"I love you daddy!" you screamed as your legs started to wobble. At those words, Andy lost it. His cock shooting ropes and ropes of cum into your velvety walls, painting them white. You both collapsed on the couch, completely drowned in pleasure after having sex the best sex of your lives. You crawled up onto Andy's muscles, cuddling up against him.

"I love you" you said before you lightly kissed his lips

"I love you too Y/N" he huffed before you both fell asleep in each others arms

THE END

Thanks for reading:)

[ramblings-of-lola]

Alrighty, I want to do an analysis on how the show explored Max's relationship with Billy, because its arguably one of the more nuanced things in the show.

Billy was abusive. I am not a Billy Hargrove stan, so if you're looking for a post about how great he was, this is your cue to leave. I'm not going to sugarcoat this. Billy was a bully and physical hurt and imitated Max constantly. Her life was a living hell because of him. He didn't have power over his own life, so he took control by abusing Max and monitoring her every move. He also physically imitated and hurt her friends too.

So, why does Max grieve his death? Why does she feel guilt?

I've got a couple theories. One is that the grief she feels is mainly her own guilt about hesitating when Billy died and wishing for Billy's death. Another is that she viewed Billy's death as the moment things went wrong again in her family and she misses that "stability". When Billy's dad married her mom, Max's life was stable for a little while. Sure, it was horrible, but everything went upside down again when Billy died. His dad left Max and her mom and they had to move again. She associates Billy with what little stability she had in life for a while and misses him because of that.

She also had hope Billy could be a better person. In her letter to him that she reads at his grave, Max talks about this. She thinks that they could have tried again with their relationship and become friends because she saw him in a new light after he died saving El and rest of them.

Another theory I have is that Max and Billy both hated Billy's dad because he was abusive too. She might have viewed Billy as an ally in that area, but I'm not sure.

Ultimately, Max's relationship with Billy and her emotions with his death are very complex due to the nature of his death.

[sarahsmi13s]

Don't Leave Your Wingman

whumptober day 13: grief

pairing: pete 'maverick' mitchell x kazansky!reader (father figure relationship)

characters: pete mitchell, kazansky!reader, sarah kazansky

warnings: 18+ MDNI, language, mentions of cancer, canon death, death, fear of being alone, death of a parent, grief, 5 stages of grief, fear of losing family, loss of appetite, anger, mood swings, broken glass, throwing things, please let me know if I missed any

word count: ~1.8k

a/n: this is for whumptober! please please please proceed with caution and use discretion, protect your peace

also if you are on the whump taglist but are not familiar with a character, you can skip it will not hurt my feelings!

i am so so sorry i got this up late, please forgive me

whumptober 2023 masterlist

summary: you wouldn't leave your wingman in the sky... why should you on the ground?

“It’s come back.”

One sentence. Three words.

That’s all it took for the world to crash down around you.

Your father, your best friend, your wingman, was already dying. 

But with three words he was dead and in the ground.

You started the grieving process the moment your mother told you about the results of your father’s tests. His cancer was back and this time he wasn’t fighting it. So, start grieving now so it doesn’t hurt when he passes.

It should cushion the pain right?

No.

It doesn’t.

Because when you watched Pete Mitchell slam his wings into your father’s coffin, it’s like he’s punching them right through your heart.

You thought you prepared yourself better. Thinking ahead to how everything would be different. Going through the motions of him missing so much of your life, everything he wouldn’t be a part of. You were only 21, you had so much left to accomplish and celebrate with him.

He would never walk you down the aisle at your wedding. He would never meet your kids and tell them cool stories about the famous Iceman and show them his collection of medals and patches. He would never tell them the story of how he met his best friend and wingman, the friendship’s birth captured in a photo on his desk.

He would never tell you he loved you again.

You wanted to hear it one last time… even if it was in that broken, raspy tone.

“How is she?” 

You could hear your uncle talking to your mom outside in the living room. 

It had been a few days since the funeral and you had barely left your father’s office in the living room. You barely ate, your appetite coming in and out as you went through the motions. You just sat in the office, wrapped up in his blanket with his dog tags around your neck or clenched in your hand. You were nearly numb at this point, sitting and staring at the photo of you and him at your graduation.

You had hit the “depression” part of your grieving process. Denial, anger, and bargaining had passed when you learned about the return of your father’s cancer. But you were sure they’d resurface at some point, grieving is never linear and it’s not a short lived thing. 

But when it was something that you prepared for, something that you could see coming from miles and miles away? It should be easier right?

“She doesn’t leave that chair often… I don’t blame her. But I’m worried. You and Ron have been a big help with brightening her days,” you mom said, a gentle smile on her face at Mav. 

It was true, they both had been a huge help. Just sitting with you so you weren’t alone, that you had someone in the room with you also grieving – even if it was different. Both had lost a best friend, your mom had lost a husband. She sat with you too, holding your hand and making sure you weren’t completely alone. She made sure that even though you were both grieving, that you could talk to her. 

Mav looked into the room, seeing you in that position – curled up with your dad’s dog tags in your hand, lips pressed against them as you stared out the window. 

He gave Sarah a hug before walking towards the office doors and knocking before opening it. 

“Hey kid, how can I help today?” 

You shrugged a little bit, not having the energy to do much else. You sniffled and dropped your hand to the desk, pointing to a book that was resting there, “I um… I found that while going through some of his things…”

Sniffling again, you adjusted your blanket, “I can’t bring myself to read it… it’s all in his hand writing…” Mav nodded and came over, “I can read it to you, if you want.” “Please…”

“Would you want to go out on the porch swing? Get some sun, fresh air?” You looked up at him and he could see just how tired you were. You probably got a lot more sleep than you should have, or very little sleep that wasn’t good.

You looked at the photo on your dad’s desk, seeing him smiling down at your 18 year old self in your cap and gown, diploma in your hand.

“Yeah… yeah, that sounds nice,” you said, your voice a little lighter and the ghost of a smile threatened your lips.

Mav smiled and helped you up, grabbing the book and leading you to the swing on the front porch. 

You sat down with him, resting your head on his shoulder as he put the book in his lap.

As he began to read, you both began to notice that these were your dad’s stories. Stories you had heard from him, stories you begged him to tell you no matter how many times you had heard them… All there in a book.

You cried at first, so did Mav. But as he continued, reading your dad’s words and the side commentary he never failed to add, you both started to laugh. 

It was nice to laugh, it helped you begin to feel like everything was going to be okay.

“Today will be better.” 

That’s what you told yourself when you woke up the past few days. 

You could never tell yourself that it would be great or amazing. Because you knew you couldn’t make that promise to yourself. But you could always try better, your best would always vary from day to day.

And you were doing okay. You were making it.

Until Maverick showed up in his whites.

Your heart had sunk like a brick in your stomach.

You knew what those meant.

He was going out with them on the carrier.

That’s not so bad right? He would be safe right? 

But the look on his face as he stood in front of the office's french doors told you something else.

“I was picked as team leader to fly the mission.” 

The brick in your stomach started dissolving, making your stomach acid fizz and bubble up your throat. 

You shook your head, the dusting rag and photo clenched in your fist. “No, no you’re not.. You’re not flying this mission, Uncle Mav… You-you were just supposed to teach it.. You’re a teacher!”

He mirrored your movements, “Admiral Simpson-”

“No!” 

Your shout had startled him, you hadn’t raised your voice in any capacity for a while so your outburst startled him.

“I’m sorry, kid… There’s a chance someone doesn’t make it back and I would rather it be me–”

“So you have a death wish? Is that it? Can’t go one damn day without risking your life like no one is gonna miss you if you burn in, can you?” 

Maverick was unsure how to respond to that, standing there awkwardly as you yelled at him.

“You’re selfish, you know that? The both of you, fucking selfish,” you said, your voice cracking at the end as you poked his chest with the picture frame. 

“B-both… Y/N what-”

“You’re never supposed to leave your wingman… ever. So tell me why I’ve been left behind! Why everyone is fucking leaving me?!” 

In your anger you threw the photo on the floor, glass shattering and the frame breaking apart.

“He left me and now you’re leaving me too!” 

Mav watched the tears streaming down your face as you shoved past him and ran out of the office and out of the house.

Sighing, he looked down and noticed the photo under the shards of glass was the photo of him and Ice shaking hands after saving one another on that mission after graduation. 

“You can be my wingman anytime…”

After your blow up at Maverick, you ran straight to the beach.

The second your feet hit the damp sand on the shoreline you were collapsing to your knees. 

Clutching your chest, you sobbed.

“Why?! Why couldn’t you have just fought? One more time… for me! I need you Dad! And you’re gone! You left me here! And-and now you want to take Mav with you? It’s not fair!”

You fell forward, clutching at the sand, “It’s not fair!” You sobbed, not caring if anyone around you could hear you. You were in pain, you were now not only grieving your father, but you were now going to be grieving his best friend, your friend.

A pair of gentle hands pulled you back up into a seated position on your knees.

“Sweetheart…”

“It’s not fair, Mom!” You shouted, your voice raw with tears as you looked out on the horizon before looking down at the frothing tide, “It’s not fair…” 

Sarah felt tears sting her own eyes at the utter brokenness of your voice, the rawness in it.

She pulled you into her lap, shushing you gently as you sobbed into her neck. She looked up at the sky, “You better bring him home Tommy. Don’t you leave her without a wingman.”

The next week and a half was filled with dread and worry. 

Worry that Maverick would make good on that promise of being the one to die on this mission. Worry that it would be Rooster, someone you weren’t as close to but you knew he meant a lot to Mav. Worry that you would be alone, grieving another father figure.

You barely left the office, sat there in that damn chair looking at that damn computer screen. The last words he typed on it were still displayed.

“It’s time to let go.”

The five words felt like mockery as you read them over and over and over.

How could you just “let go”? Did he really think you hadn’t tried that? Or that it was that simple?

Because it wasn’t. 

You wish you could have just accepted it, that grieving someone as they sat in front of you breathing would have made it easier. But it didn’t. 

You felt like you were on the monkey bars again, the ground miles away from you and you were scared to fall.

“How can I let go when I have no one to catch me?”

As you waited in the silence, for a response that you knew wouldn’t come, a knock sounded through the quiet house. 

Your mom had stepped out to go get stuff for dinner. So you were the only one at home.

Sniffling and turning the monitor off, you got up and went to the front door.

When you opened it, you nearly collapsed.

There on your front porch was Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell. He was scraped up a little, but he was alive.

“Mav… Mav!”

He smiled as he caught you, keeping you from falling onto the ground and holding you close as you clung onto his bomber jacket, tears staining the vinyl. 

“You’re here… you came home.”

He kissed your temple, rubbing your back and cradling the back of your head.

“Of course I did, I couldn’t leave my wingman.”

taglist: @bradleybeachbabe @mayhemmanaged @kmc1989 @lovinglyeternal @horseshoegirl @cassiemitchell @fanboyswhore9 @nightowlalltheway @86laura11 @els-marvelvsp @valmare @startrekfangirl2233

hi, if you're seeing this and are currently not on the taglist and would like to be please fill out the taglist form -> whumptober taglist

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so if you want to be added check out the masterlist and read that carefully and fill out the form -> whumptober 2023

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

@intertexts BEHOLD. NEW HAVEN WARDS: THE WIBBY AND DAVID DYNAMIC ESSAY. this got way too fucking long 2 put in ur inbox so im making a post about it. ENJOY THE STICK FIGURE VIOLENCE <3

okay im just gonna start from the beginnign here and try not to get too sidetracked as i go (<< me when i lie) um. so. still not entirely clear on what williams trigger event would be so that may change how some of this works out logistics wise. but just assuming it would be SOMEWHAT similar to pd- william dies/has his near death experience and is Changed By It. in obvious ways that are impossible to hide. his parents find out because he had been missing for days and presumed dead so when he came back home covered in mud and dried blood and Different, everyone kind of broke down. they know about his powers from the start. william hates them (the powers, not his parents) but his dad especially has always been very supportive of capes and urges william to use them for something good! his mom, who has always grieved the lack of a relationship between her two sons, brings up the suggestion "hey, you know what! yeah! your older brother just so happens to live in a city with a really good cape population, maybe you can go live with him for a bit while you go to school <3" (<< this is also going off the assumption that the general public doesnt really. understand. capes much. his parents dont know theyre signing him up to be a child soldier and die before 40. they love him so much and just want the best for him- if they knew about all that they wouldve never even made the suggestion. but they see how much his powers are hurting him and theyre grieving the death of their youngest son who is still. awake and sitting in his bedroom. and i dont think any of them know how to deal with that)

william, not really having a place to argue from or another option to even consider, reluctantly agrees. hes too caught up in the fear and worry and unpredictability of his powers to even imagine himself as one of the heroes. but he goes anyway. and lives with david. its just as painfully icy as you imagine- david never signed up to be a permanent babysitter, i imagine theres a lot of. phonecalls overheard through the walls of his apartment of david on the phone with their mom asking if this was some sort of punishment. david spends all his time at his office and never takes time to even get to know william. he still takes care of him- he has the money for a penthouse apartment and keeps groceries stocked- but its not like theyre having cozy family meals every night. this does wonderful things for williams mental health obviously. which im sure makes his powers feel so much better (<< this is sarcasm). they dont talk much. obviously. william knows david works for/runs a branch of some tech company but thats about the extent of his knowledge and he never cares to ask further details than that. theres a little bit of resentment there on williams side (william wisp, known jealous petty little bitch- "i thought you were the first good thing to come out of deadwood"). david is someone who's important and has his life together and william is. in his own mind. a freak.

after joining the wards program and meeting dakota and virion and such. william IMMEDIATELY decides he is going to spend less and less and less time at davids place. and so the fucking. chasm between them grows. mutual good riddance. (they dont hate each other. theres just. not a whole lot of care there. but theyre still family, yknow?) and its just like. the BARE MINIMUM amount of contact. william stops by davids place to like. get stuff from his bedroom. uses davids apartment as storage for things he can't keep at the wards base (are teen superheroes allowed to smoke? i imagine that cant be good for their public image). so its not like they totally cut contact theres just. even less of it than there was before.

and then william learns about the SIGNIFICANT importance of keeping your cape and civilian identities separate. any villain who learns who you are behind the mask can be a threat to not only you but also your family. william, who loves his parents very much and knows they love him back, wants to protect them at all costs. conveniently, he doesn't live with his parents anymore. his current guardian just so happened to keep their mom's maiden name. so what does he do! bam. easy fix, change your last name to match with your brother. satisfies the heroes a little bit because its that extra step harder to connect william with people outside the city, AND its not suspicious on the civilian side either because. i mean he still matches surnames with his family. surely this will not come back to bite him (foreshadowing). i think it would be PERFECTLY in character and slimy for david to get a kick out of this name change btw. its been weeks since theyve spoken full sentences to each other but the next time william goes back to the apartment david is there at the kitchen table and just kind of laughs at the paperwork like "aw, little brother, i didn't realize you liked living with me that much. im flattered" etc. etc. eugh

behold! i can call him wibby now. awesome. so cool. anyway.

blahblah whatever whatever. im saying for au convenience david lives in new haven even though in pd canon he technically lives in freedom city. don't worry about it. HOWEVER. this becomes important. new haven wards are like?? vaguely sometimes in contact with the wards of the nearest settlement with a significant cape population- freedom city! this is alan, x, cantrip. I think they probably have like. fun friendly sparring matches sometimes (like the cage matches where they first met but like... legal. and mario kart!) but aren't close enough to be Friend Friends. freedom city wards uncover some shady underground company using illegal research (nhw equivalent of harttawa? dying 2 link this back to mark somehow bc im always thinking abt him but i KNOW u have plans for him already and im dying 2 know them) to give people artificial powers (connected to cauldron in some way but not obvious about it. ill explain this more in a minute) and guess who this gets linked back to. our one and only lovely wicked david bell. freedom city wards don't know williams connection to him since they wouldn't know his civ name. I don't think he would tell them. i also don't think they would actually TALK to David here like they do in canon, i think the heist goes a little more successfully and he's not actually physically THERE so all that happens is that they sneak in and see a bunch of files/papers. and william makes the connection with David's name and maybe picture. but the whole. killing a bunch of guards still happens. "its okay they're villains" etc. i don't know who would run freedom city wards program but they're more. loose about the rules than in new haven. which is why xavier and cantrip are Like That.

anyway on the way back to new haven william is REALLY shaken and dakota and virion obv pick up on that right away (i think they'd also know OF williams brother but not a lot of details bc he never talks about him.) william tells them that that was David and doesn't know what to do etc etc . I think he avoids the apartment for a looooot longer than he usually does because he doesn't want to accidentally run into David there and have to confront this. I think he's probably shell shocked by the idea a little- david is VERY MUCH against the hero program and doesn't like capes at all and is very vocal about that fact (this is pd canon too)!! why the fuck would he be working with the company that gives people powers and Makes More Capes! even though his mystery solving brain is going into overdrive thinking about the reasons and details and minutae of this discovery, william is also chronically avoidant of all his personal problems so i don't think he does any digging into it yet. until. well. the freedom city wards go missing

they on the other hand DID do a lot more digging into this. and david caught on to them and we end up with the scene in the basement . this is where I'm gonna get sidetracked bc there's a lot of information I'm thinking about at the beginning of all this

when william/vyncent/tide get there it's a very similar scene to in pd. x and cantrip are chained up, david has allen cut open on a table. william is. HORRIFIED. maybe even moreso than in pd.

x is even more immediately hostile to william when he and cantrip wake up because part of the information they uncovered in doing their own digging was the fact that david and william are related. and this pisses x off SO BAD because william never told them. and I think he uses wills secret identity against him and that's part of the reason william is SO DESPERATE to stop him. Just imagining that scene in the hallway at the beginning where they're screaming at each other and x just goes "that's your fucking *brother?* you're related to that monster and you never thought to, yknow, share that little bit of information with us?! william bell?????" and as soon as x says his name william just SNAPS and swings the axe at him .

anyway. back to the basement scene. david does his whole manipulative villain monologue with a scalpel to Allen's heart and we learn David is the head of an offshoot branch of cauldron (thinking about like maybe where they sell the vials to people under the guise of experimental medical treatment? for their own research purposes on how the vials affect people. real unethical shit! I feel like I need 2 learn more about cauldrons motivations before I set this in stone though) . anyway. we also learn here that david Has Fucking Powers. I don't know exactly what those would be right now but I think they would be pretty... inconsequential and at a really low power rating, but just that fact alone is enough for him to almost lose william completely.

this whole time william is just full of this icy dread and betrayal, but as SOON as david reveals he has powers that all just snaps to rage. comparable to that feeling where you've been bullied for something for years and then one day everyone decides that same thing is cool now. ("how long. how *long*, david? did you have these powers while you shunned me, sat on the phone with mom in the other room complaining about how much of a freak your little brother is? how *painfully sad* it is for you to share an apartment with the corpse of your baby brother, trying to get mom to pity you enough to take me back and get me out of your hair?")

and ofc david being who he is has some sort of slimy manipulation that saves his ass and gets william back on his side. tide and virion being there they immediately see right the FUCK through it but I think william would be compromised enough at that point that he wouldn't be thinking clearly enough to listen to them. (also side note . like I said I'm VERY undecided on what davids powers would actually be but the two ideas I've been bouncing back and forth are a) some kind of medical Thinker which is how he knows how to put allen back together the right way or b) some kind of Master which makes the manipulation thing worse <3. so maybe wibby is compromised bc davids using his powers on him. if it's the second option. smile!)

anyway wibby goes on his nightmare arc. right. even more fucked up bc of what x says to him about his identity. I actually think a lot of this stays the same but just with the addition of context and also the thing I said yesterday about the guards radioing to each other to evacuate.

everything happens pretty much the same with cantrip and he and virion getting back to the office only to find everything totally wiped clean already. william still does the Nightmare Thing in davids apartment afterward. still undecided in whether or not their parents will be there? I guess it depends on what we do with the trickster. (oh god I haven't even thought about the trickster irt new haven wards. fuck!) . I think actually I'm leaning more toward having them NOT being there? because I think william reigned himself in because he didn't want to scare them too much. and this is worm world i don't WANT wibby to reign himself in at all. I want him to go fucking nightmare apeshit.

btw this whole time? virion stays with him and it scares the SHIT out of him. he's still going to stay because ... this is william. this is his best friend (gay) and he HAS to trust that he knows what he's doing. I think afterward william stands up, david still unconscious on the floor, and there are silent tears streaming down his face and there's this expression of rage and betrayal and grief on his face that virion has NEVER seen on another person. so he reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder or maybe offer a hug (which in my mind is HUGE for him bc I've been imagining virion being SUPER careful and sort of avoidant about physical touch bc of his powers) but then william goes to brush his hand away as he walks out of the room and there's just the briefest moment of skin to skin contact. and it only lasts for maybe a second but virion gets this BURST of williams powers and it's terrifying. he can see and feel and hear and know *exactly* what william just did. it goes away almost immediately but the force of it is enough to throw virion off balance for a second as he processes it and when he comes to again he is just. shaking. and he doesn't say anything to william but he *knows* now and he doesn't know what to do with that information. hes scared out of his fucking mind but he's also. sad. he's REALLY fucking sad his best friend (gay) just had to do something like that. and he's not good with words so he doesn't say anything but he stays there. he stays by williams side despite everything. ughahhvhh

uhhhh final note. pain and suffering. william gets a whole Fucking Complex about sharing a name with david after this. but he still doesn't change it back to wisp because he knows x knows his identity now. which means he doesn't know how many other people could know, how many other people x will tell out of spite as a way to get back at him (<< william wisp paranoia WIN) and it's. LEAGUES better that any potential enemies would come after david and hurt david. (in fact he probably privately wishes for something like that to happen. hed never say that out loud though). using his name as a kind of shield even though it hurts like hell to be connected to his brother like that.

anyway! yeah! wisp-bell brothers torment nexus or whatever!

[wrongcaitlyn]

alr so i've been kind of thinking ab this for a while:

so we know that nico has seasonal depression from his mom and bianca dying but what about will or leo?

i think you said will lost his mom at 6 and that nico lost his mom in like middle school-ish right?? (i dont think you've ever specified the age that leo lost his mom, but idk)

would will not have as much as a response to his mom dying because he was younger AND had apollo or would nico have a more vivid response because both bianca and maria died at the same time, he was older and could remember more clearly, and because his father wasn't the best.. anything?

sorry it was just something that was on my mind so yea.

BUT i have more questions (sorry not)

will piper ever come out w/ shel? i know she posted a pic at pride but it never specified who shel actually was. another question abt shelper: if they ever did come out as a couple, would piper or shel be like hesitant. i mean piper's famous and some people would already be upset that she isn't dating jason so... and shel might be like scared because i know i would be like omg, im dating this famous model/actor, if we ever came out, how would the public react to me???

okay so that's just my thoughts and i was just thinking abt it a lot so yea. sorry for kind od bombarding you 😛

ooh okay lots of questions I HAVE LOTS OF ANSWERS I LOVE THESE <33

so naomi died when will was age 7 (so like 2nd grade) and maria/bianca died when nico was age 10 (nearly eleven) (6th grade) - i don't have a specific age at which esperanza died, but leo arrived in la in 6th grade, and was in and out of foster homes for a while before then and had run away all the way from texas to la. i think that she probably died when he was around 8 or 9.

i think the reason will is a bit better at coping with his grief is because of several reasons -

a) you're right, he was much younger, and also because nico lost both his mom and sister. i also think that nico was much more attached (almost unhealthily) to bianca, whereas will didn't see naomi as much, and he was already living a rather unsettled lifestyle while he lived on the tourbus with her band, her crew, and various nanny's/babysitters.

b) he went straight to therapy after losing naomi, and also in general just had a much better support system through apollo and leo when moving in with his dad. he moved from that touring lifestyle to a stable home with a parent who cared a lot about him, had therapy and enjoyed school, and was (though of course he missed his mom) relatively excited about living a normal life at a normal school with normal kids.

would will not have as much as a response to his mom dying because he was younger AND had apollo or would nico have a more vivid response because both bianca and maria died at the same time, he was older and could remember more clearly, and because his father wasn't the best.. anything?

so you pretty much hit the target perfectly there!

and c) will and nico, even in canon, just tend to deal with their grief differently. will works through it and tries to become useful, whereas nico self-isolates and is generally more,,, visibly depressed? if that makes sense? that's not diminishing the effects that grief had on will, but he's just naturally a person who, when dealing with negative thoughts, would rather stress himself out by working harder or losing sleep studying rather than nico, who can't find the energy to get out of bed. neither are invalid ways to deal with grief, just different - and, of course, leo deals with it very similarly to how he does in canon. joking about trauma and avoidance of his past. also different, but still grieving.

and for the second question! piper will most definitely eventually come out with shel. i'm hoping to eventually either write a second chapter of the piper oneshot or write a second piper oneshot (i haven't decided which way to do it) that will follow their relationship from where i left off at their oneshot up until they do come out :) i'll probably cover it more when i eventually write that, but i think they both have their reasonable worries and doubts about coming out publicly, especially because shel is brand new to fame, and this is piper's first public relationship... aside from the will-they-won't-they jason debacle. but with the right amount of communication and properly talking about their insecurities and doubts, i can guarantee they will have a happy ending :)

never apologize about the questions!!! sometimes it might take me a while to get to them but i love answering these!! thank you!!

[wrenreid]

Off Limits

contents: angst, grieving, alcohol consumption

Part Twenty

I finally feel a little more normal after the night of wallowing in my sorrows. My emotions are still wonky and yesterday is still on my mind, but at least I feel better.

Spencer texted me when he got up this morning, but I haven’t responded. I’m not entirely in the mood to talk to anyone yet.

Even after (mostly) sleeping through the night, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s holding back because of me. That I’m the problem. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it? Guys didn’t want to date me because I’m a virgin. Or if they did it wasn’t because of my personality or who I am; it was because I’m a task, something to do then check off a list. Maybe Spencer thinks I’m not even good enough for the list.

I run a hand through my dark hair, sighing softly. I’m overthinking. I’m always overthinking. I can’t just assume something based off of one or two incidents. Maybe he just truly wants to take things slow because he’s not like the guys I’ve known before. I can’t let my own insecurities and self deprecating mind get in the way of something that could actually be good. I need the optimism I had right as we decided to do whatever this relationship is back.

On my way downstairs, I shoot Spencer a good morning response. Dad is currently tightening his tie and grabbing his brief case, which means he has to go into work. They both do.

There shouldn’t be a case today, but they’ll both be busy for the majority of the day, and Jack is currently having a play date with one of his friends until after noon. Time alone.

I decide to spend my time alone binge watching an old favorite tv show from my high school years and finishing up this week’s assignments. It’s Friday, and I only have two classes today. I get my work done pretty fast then start actually paying attention to the tv screen.

CeCe calls me when I’m a solid six episodes into the show. I press pause and pick up the phone, putting her on speaker. We talk for a bit, but I decide against telling her about what happened with me and Spencer.

It’s not that I don’t want to tell her, but I don’t think this is something she needs to know. Or maybe it’s something I don’t want anyone to know. How to I put into words that my whatever he is doesn’t want to sleep with me?

A very tired Jack is dropped off around 1pm. He looks exhausted. The kid really knows how to play until he drops.

I tuck him in for a nap then head back downstairs to grab a snack and continue binge watching. The rest of the weekend consists of family time, binge watching tv, and lazily laying around the apartment.

I miss college life. I miss parties and friends. I’m glad to be home with my family, but I miss the freedom. The life I had when I was in New York. When my mom was still alive.

“How’s your weekend been?” Spencer asks when I go over to his house Sunday evening. He’s probably leaving for a case tomorrow morning, so he wanted to see me before he left.

We haven’t texted much since Thursday night when he rejected me. God, I sound pathetic, but it’s still on my mind.

“It’s been alright. Very lazy,” I answer, only half mentally here. My mind isn’t quite in his apartment. It’s not quite anywhere.

“Are you okay?” His hand touches my knee gently as his soft words reach my ears. I almost flinch, just thinking about how it’s weird to be touched by him when he quite clearly isn’t interested in that.

I nod, half assed. “Yeah.”

“Jade.”

I’m finally snapped out of my distant, mopey daze when his hand reaches under my chin and forces me to look at him. My brown eyes meet his.

“I’m sorry,” I say with a soft sigh. “Things have just been weird.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer asks, his eyes softening and his hand releasing my face.

I shake my head. Then nod. Then shrug. “It’s just… it’s been weird at home. And being at home. I’m craving for things to be the same, but they never will be again. A part of me still thinks that my mom’s death was just some fucked up dream. That I’ll see her again and she’ll tell me none of it was real. That it was just a nightmare.”

Spencer’s eyes flick down to the floor. I know he hates situations like this. Sad. Awkward. He doesn’t know what to say. I hate putting people in this situation. There isn’t a right thing to say. Nothing is going to repair the hole in my chest. Nothing is going to bring my mom back.

“I’m so sorry, Jade,” he says, his words soft and breathy.

I hate apologies. They just make me feel pitied.

“Don’t be,” I say, attempting to swallow down the lump in my throat.

He nods in understanding. “What can I do to make you feel better in this moment?”

“Be normal,” I say then laugh softly, realizing how it sounded. “I mean, just give me a normal night.”

“So no sacrificial rituals? Well, that defeats my plans,” Spencer jokes.

I shake my head but let out another soft laugh. He may be a dork, but I like it.

Spencer pulls me into him for a quick kiss. I smile up at him faintly.

What I really need right now is a distraction. A distraction from all of the shit weighing me down right now. I need him. Him to touch me. To tell me I’m pretty and make me feel good.

But I can’t ask. Not when he said what he said. He doesn’t want to have sex with me. For whatever reasons he’s holding back, I have to respect his wishes. I owe him that. And perhaps using him as a distraction isn’t a good idea anyway. I’m not sure how good it would make me feel after the matter.

My head finds its place on his shoulder as he turns on the tv. We watch whatever comes on, neither of us wanting to give our attention to a movie that we’d actually have to follow along with.

Spencer orders takeout, and we eat on his couch, talking about whatever in between bites. We don’t touch. Not in the way we have been. It’s not a bad thing really, but it just feels weird.

The next couple weeks go on per-usual. I do school work, miss my best friend, distract myself with any form of media that will clog my brain, and wait for Spencer to get home from cases or work so I can see him.

“I’m beginning to think you’re hiding something from me,” my dad says from his place on the couch. He’s reading. Something he hasn’t done too often in a long time.

I turn around to face him with a laugh. “Why?”

He shrugs, playfully, but not quite joking. “You’ve been leaving a lot. Do you have a secret family I don’t know about?”

“Ha. Ha,” I roll my eyes at his lazy attempt at a joke. “I’m just meeting up with some friends. Since CeCe’s in New York, and I’m not anymore, I’ve had to reconnect with old friends. You should be glad I’m not wallowing around the house.”

I didn’t mean it as a jab at him, but he takes it as one. He has every reason to wallow, even if he tries his best to hide it.

My dad nods, shooting me a faint smile. “Have fun. Be safe.”

I grab my bag and give him a thumbs up. “Will do.”

I hate lying to him. Especially since everything that’s happened. I was never a sneaky kid. I hardly ever disobeyed my parents.

But being honest with my father would cause a lot of drama none of us can handle right now. So he’s not in the know. And I’ll just have to get used to the knots in my stomach that form with every lie.

After walking into Spencer’s apartment, I plop down on his couch, laying my head in his lap.

“Hello to you too,” he laughs softly, looking down at me.

Things have finally gone back to normal between us. Or at least I think they have. We haven’t talked about what happened two weeks ago, and I’m very glad about that. I don’t want the awkwardness again. I like what we have right now.

We don’t take things too far. When we kiss or touch, we stay at a comfortable region for us both. We don’t try to venture out into the grey area.

“Hi,” I grin up at him.

His hands play with my hair absentmindedly, twirling some strands around his fingers. “How was your week?”

“Not too bad. It’s getting closer and closer to graduation. I’m almost officially not an undergrad student anymore.”

“They grow up so fast,” Spencer says playfully.

“Spencer?”

“Yeah?” He asks, looking down into my eyes.

“Do you feel weird lying about this? About us?”

Spencer’s lips press together for a brief moment. “I haven’t really had to lie.”

“Right,” I nod, sitting up. I situate myself to where I’m facing him, my legs crossed in a pretzel.

“Do you?”

“Kind of,” I admit. “I mean, I know I’m an adult and I don’t owe my dad any explanations, but he’s still my dad. He worries, and I think he’s catching on that I’m doing something.”

Even though technically we aren’t doing anything. Not that at least.

Spencer nods, his eyebrows pinching together. “Do you think he knows about us?”

I shake my head. “No. I don’t even think that would cross his mind. I just… I don’t know. I want things to be normal. My life has been too unnormal.”

“That’s not a word,” he says with a slight smile.

“Not the point,” I glare.

“Sorry. What would be normal for us to do?” Spencer asks, his head tilting as he looks at me.

I run a hand though my hair with a sigh. I think for a moment. I know what I need right now. “We could go to a totally normal college party?”

I look at him hopefully, but he’s already scowling. “I don’t know about that one, J.”

“C’mon, Spence. I’m 21. A party is the most normal thing I could do right now,” I tell him.

He sighs. He’s been defeated, and he knows it. “Fine. We can go to a party. And we can drink and dance, and whatever else you want to do.”

“Really?” My eyes light up.

“Mhm,” Spencer nods. “Under one condition.”

“Anything.”

“We’re not playing darts.”

A laugh takes ahold of me for a second. “Awh did I bruise your ego last time?”

“Lil bit,” he says with a grin, pinching his pointer finger and thumb together.

I roll my eyes and lean into him for a quick kiss. When I pull away, he’s still smiling. It makes me weak in a way I can’t explain.

“I’m sure you already know someone who’s throwing a party,” he says.

“It’s Saturday night. Of course I do.”

I hop up to my feet and slip my high tops back on. My outfit is already party acceptable: ripped baggy jeans, a cute top, and converse.

Spencer’s wearing too casual clothes (which I never expected to see him in in a million years), so I drag him into his room by his wrist.

I have him sit at the edge of the bed while I find clothes for him to wear.

“I’m not a Ken doll, Jade,” he says but I turn around and press my finger to his lips.

“Shh. You are one tonight.”

“That’s such a weird thing to say,” Spencer laughs softly.

I flash him a grin before finding a cream-colored sweater and dark jeans for him to wear. Usually, he’s in dress pants, but these jeans are almost black, so they’re still nice. Not too out of his comfort zone.

I turn around so he can change, not wanting to invade his privacy since we haven’t gotten to that part of our relationship yet.

When I turn to face him again, he’s pulling down the sweater. “Not too shabby, Dr. Reid. You look hot.”

A blush creeps up onto his cheeks. “Thank you. Can we go before I change my mind and beg you to let us stay?”

We head down to the parking lot, and I find the address for one of my friend’s friend’s parties. Instead of taking his car, we get an uber. I know he doesn’t plan to get wasted or anything, but he doesn’t want to drive even after just one or two drinks.

Spencer grabs my hand as we walk up to the front door. The host greets us and asks who I am. I tell him I’m friend with Preston, and that triggers his memory of me. It comes in handy knowing people.

Jade leads me into the house, and we immediately head for the kitchen to grab a drink. I need it if I’m going to be out with all of these strangers for most of the night.

“Try to have fun, okay?” She asks, shooting me a look.

I must’ve had the words “I already want to leave” written across my forehead. I hold up my hands in defense. “Yes ma’am.”

For the duration of the night, I feel like I’m her lap dog that’s following her around everywhere she goes. My entire college years, I didn’t go to parties, but now I’ve gone to two with Jade. I’m not good at them. I’m way too aware of my surroundings and how many people are sharing cups of beer, and with them so many germs.

She seems like she’s having fun, though, and I owe her that. I can’t even begin to imagine how things have been for her these past few months. Jade deserves something normal, and if this is her definition of normal, I’m glad to tag along.

Eventually, I find myself feeling slightly less awkward and out of place. The few drinks I’ve had are fueling me, and Jade notices me lighten up. She seems pleased.

“Having fun?” She asks, pulling me closer so we can hear each other better.

“I’m trying,” I say honestly, holding her hips.

Jade nods, laughing softly. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” I smile faintly, leaning my forehead onto hers.

We’re dancing right now, and I’m doing my best to ignore all the sounds and chaos around us. It’s just the two of us in my head.

I let her guide our movements in whatever way she wants. My heart is pounding from the dancing, alcohol, and loud music. I’m a little dizzy, but I don’t want to stop holding her. Being this close is the part I actually enjoy about these parties.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” She laughs, practically yelling at me involuntarily.

“Because you’re beautiful,” I say honestly.

Jade blushes, her lips forming into a soft smile. “Shut up.”

Instead of arguing with her, I kiss her. She tastes like fruity alcohol and vodka shots. She’s had a lot more to drink than I have, but she’s not throwing up drunk, so that’s good. My hands hold her hips protectively, keeping her against me.

Her fingers play with the hair on the nape of my neck, causing a soft sound of delight to release from my mouth and into hers. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or her irresistibility, but I’m craving her right now. I want to touch her in ways I haven’t yet. In ways I’ve been refraining from doing for what feels like ages.

We kiss for a while, it’s sloppy and heated, but I don’t mind one bit. I love it.

Her lips draw away from mine, and a wine releases from my mouth. I look down at her. She looks just as hungry for me as I am for her. If that’s even possible.

Jade takes my hand. She’s headed for the stairs, pushing past the crowd of people. It takes my brain a moment to register what’s happening.

I stop in my tracks, shaking my head.

“Come on, Spence. Let’s go upstairs,” I whisper-yell, taking his hand and stumbling while I try to pull him up with me.

His entire demeanor has changed.

“Jade, you’re drunk,” he says, tugging on my arm, causing me to face him. I almost fall, so I steady myself with my hands on his shoulders.

“So are you.”

“One of us is clearly more sober. Let’s get you home,” Spencer suggests.

“No, my dad’s home. We should do it here.”

“We’re not…” His frustrated voice trails off.

I can feel the tears swelling in my eyes, and it burns. “Why won’t you fuck me?” The words spill out of me before I have time to think.

“Jade.”

The way he’s says my name… god, I need him to stop. He sounds sympathetic. Like I’m some charity case for him.

“I don’t understand what I’ve done, Spencer,” I tell him, my heart slamming against my chest.

“You haven’t done anything,” he says gently.

“Then what is it? What’s wrong with me?”

“Jade,” Spencer sighs. “Let’s just leave.”

“You leave,” I demand.

“What?” He blinks, looking down at me worriedly.

“I’m staying. If you want to leave, then go.”

His hand meets my elbow, gently trying to get me to leave with him. But I’m not so easily convinced.

“Just get away from me,” I yell, not meaning to be so harsh. I let out a breath. “Just go.”

The pained look on Spencer’s face makes it easier for the tears to spill from my eyes. He nods, then turns around and starts walking away from me.

I wipe my cheek free of tears and occupy myself with something other than watching him leave.

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @jazzerbelle14 @kylakins88 @f-me-reid <3

tags: @pauline5525mgg @theintimatewriter @lilibet261 @greysviolets @jazzymariexoxoc @one-sweet-gubler @thatsonezesty13 @necromaniackat @awhoreforspencerreid @sebs-oxygen @scarredelirium @bts-sugaplum @awesomeness1679 @preciousbabypeter @yazzyu @cynbx @r3idsp3ncer @1010lizz @tiredbut-here @skulzombiw @lena-1895 @eevee0722 @shakespear-picaso-lovechild @daydreamingqueen1 @regulus-black-223048 @virginmusicloverr36 @jazzerbelle14 @kylakins88 @f-me-reid @lovejules888 @marimorena06 @daph-421 @idkusername8787

[originalhybridloverfics-backup]

Ch20 The Gift You Gave Me

While Felicity returned to work the next day, Thea took it upon herself to show Donna around town.

Felicity was thankful her mother wasn’t being left to her own devices. And while she didn’t think there was much trouble Donna could cause with Thea, unless you consider all the shopping, the two could do.

Oliver talked her into joining him for lunch while John headed out for a lunch date with Carly.

“Hey,” Oliver greeted when she walked into his office.

“Hey.” Felicity faltered, talking in the way Oliver’s face had lit up. His smile, the light in his eyes, the soft tone of his voice when he walked into the room.

Her mother’s words came back to her, haunting her thoughts.

‘The way he looks at you’

Did Oliver really have a special way of looking at her?

She didn’t think so before, but now she wasn’t so sure?

Oliver frowned at her hesitation. “You okay?” 

Felicity pushed her previous thoughts away and forced a smile. “Yeah, just a lot,” she gestured toward her temple, “going on in here.”

“Anything I can do to help?” Oliver asked as he sorted through their food.

“No, just some things I need to work through.” She answered, joining him on the couch.

Oliver set a salad in front of Felicity. 

“Really?” she stared at him hard. “I want a juicy cheeseburger and fries and onion rings.”

“I know, but I thought we try something healthy.”

“Stop micromanaging what I eat.” Felicity pushed the salad away.

“I had to try.” Oliver placed a basket of fries, onion rings, and a cheeseburger in front of her. He followed it up with a mint chocolate chip shake.

“Now, that’s more like it.” Felicity pulled the food closer.

Oliver and Felicity ate in a companionable silence.

After finishing his meal, Oliver inquired, “Do you know how much longer your mom’s gonna be in town?”

“A Few more days at most. She has a job and life to get back to.” Felicity was just finishing the last of her onion rings.

Talk of her mother reminded Felicity of her mother’s wrong observations about Oliver.

“Do you think I should tell my mother the truth about my baby? Should I tell her about Tommy?” Felicity wondered.

Oliver was quiet for a moment.

“I think the fewer people who know the truth, the easier it will be to sell our cover story.” Oliver answered. “And it’s less likely that anyone will ever discover the truth.”

Felicity knew he was right, but she didn’t like that her mother was seeing something that wasn’t there.

“Is there a reason you want to tell her?” 

Yes, she thinks’s you’re in love with me. She doesn’t know about Tommy. She has no Idea I’m still grieving for someone I love deeply.

She could have said any of those words, but she didn’t. 

“Our relationship is better than it has been in a really long time and I Just don’t want to ruin that by lying to her,” she said instead. It wasn’t a lie.

“I think ultimately this is your decision to make,” said Oliver. “And whatever you choose, I will support you.”

Felicity bit her lip. “I want to tell her..” 

“But?” asked Oliver.

“My mom can’t keep a secret to save her life and this is one that can’t get out.” 

“I think you have your answer, then.”

Felicity sighed. “Yeah, I do.”

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity set aside time to spend with her mother for the last few days she was there.

Donna was giving her all the advice that she could about being a first time mom on top of being a working one.

Felicity appreciated it, but what she appreciated most was the advice about the pregnancy.

How to deal with the mood swings, the tiredness, the breast pain, the strange cravings, the smells that turned her stomach and the perfect remedies to help with the morning sickness.

In a strange way, this pregnancy was bringing her and her mother closer than they ever had been.

Upon realizing her flight back to Vegas clashed with Felicity’s next appointment, Donna postponed it until later.

She wasn’t gonna miss the chance to see her grand baby.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“I see we have a new guest.” Felicity’s doctor greeted upon entering and seeing Donna.

Seated on the edge of the hospital bed, Felicity introduced her mother, Donna.

“I can’t believe my baby is having a baby!” Donna exclaimed with a cheerful smile.

“They grow up so fast.”

“They really do.”

“Dr. Scwarts,” Oliver injected. “I was hoping before we leave you could give us a list of foods that are good for both Felicity and the baby.”

“Oliver.” Felicity groaned and looked at her doctor in complaint. “He’s been trying to micromanage what I eat.”

Dr. Scwarts chuckled. “Most first-time fathers do, but I assure you, Mr. Queen, an expecting mother won’t intentionally harm their child by ingesting something harmful.” She flashed Felicity a smile. “Now, tell me, have you experienced any recent changes?”

“My dreams are all over the place, along with my moods, and I’m emotional.” Felicity answered.

“That’s all very normal at this stage. Anything else?”

Felicity sent a quick look at Oliver, cheeks flushing. “My breast hurt.”

Oliver’s eyes widened, and he shifted on his feet.

“That’s completely normal as they grow and fill with milk."

“And I’m hot all the time.” Felicity pushed through her embarrassment.

“Hot flashes are to be expected. I can give you something for the breast pain and the hot flashes.”

“Is it safe for the baby?” Oliver was quick to interject.

“Perfectly safe.” She assured. “Anything else?” 

“No,” Felicity shook her head.

“Okay good. Why don’t you lay back for me and raise your shirt up and we’ll take a look at baby Queen.” Dr. Scwarts suggested. 

Felicity did as asked. Oliver instinctively grabbed her hand, with Donna doing the same.

Moments later, a black and white grainy image appeared on the screen.

Felicity’s breath caught.

Her baby no longer looked like fruit, she could see it taking form.

“Wow!” Oliver breathed, stunned.

Donna squealed in excitement." That’s my grandbaby!”

Felicity was speechless.

She and Tommy made that.

“Everything is looking good.” Dr. Scwarts said and continued to talk about the growth of the baby and what to expect the next coming weeks. “At your next appointment, we will be able to learn the sex if that is something you wish to know.” 

“It is.” Felicity found her voice. She was dying to know if she was carrying Tommy’s son or his daughter.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity took her mom to the airport that night. Oliver was with her.

Donna hugged them both, promising to visit again soon.

Once Donna was on her flight. Oliver took Felicity to dinner, just the two of them. Felicity had never seen Oliver smile so much.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

“Thea, what can I do for you?” Felicity greeted after Thea blew into her office. 

“Shopping.” Thea answered.

“I can’t.” Felicity protested. “I have too much work.”

“I set up dinner reservations for our double dates and later tonight there will be an anonymous tip about the Queens. You need to be wearing your best dress.”

Felicity frowned. “I doubt any of my dresses fit anymore.”

“Which is why we need to go shopping.” Thea insisted.

“I can’t. I have too much to do.” Felicity paused, looking at Thea. “But you have excellent taste. You can pick something for me.”

Thea frowned. “But shopping together is half the fun.”

“I’ll make it up to you this weekend.” Felicity promised.

“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Thea paused in the doorway. “Any preferences?”

“Nothing with ruffles, glitter or feathers.” 

“No, ruffles, glitter or feathers. Got it.” 

“And nothing too tight,” Felicity called out. For obvious reasons.  

Thea shot her a grin over her shoulder before disappearing out of sight. 

Felicity hoped she didn’t come to regret this decision.

[thekatebridgerton]

How did all the Bridgerton ex partners all deal with their respective break up?

They dealt with it in a healthy way.

Sophie, I already told you how she's doing.

Kate had a good cry on Mary's shoulder, while Edwina offered tissues, the next day she got another dog, learned to meditate and deleted all of Anthony's pictures from her phone. She's making her best effort to move on, but has sadly sworn off dating for a while. Much to the regret of Buisness partner, Tommy Dorset who is always waiting in the wings for her

Simon, acted like nothing happened, went back to work, boxing and eating in expensive restaurants with his friends. He still misses Daphne a lot and sleeps hugging her pillow

Penelope, grieved her relationship while she was still in her relationship, so post breakup she's just pretty much learning to live again, She's been working on her novel, joined the gym and updated her wardrobe to fit the image of 'Aristocrat' magazine Editor in Chief. Genevieve and Eloise have been her main support trough all this. And she couldn't ask for better support system

Phillip decided to give his full attention to renovating his greenhouse and homeschooling Oliver and Amanda. It helps him cope with Eloise leaving. If he just keeps his mind on his kids and his house. But he's like a sad puppy who listens to angry von Jovi. Oliver and Amanda can't take him seriously when he's being so dramatic broody and they are getting tired of the excessive paternal smothering

Michael deals with his breakup by traveling like crazy, he at least knows he'll eventually have to stop running away from his horny guilt and Grovel at Francesca's feet. But he's not there yet. Funny thing about Michael is that Francesca also did not breakup with his mom. So he also gets well meaning updates on her life from his own mom, not just Violet.

After his breakup with Hy,Gareth actually has made time to visit the on campus student therapist who suggested he joined the university basketball team and the College mentors for kids club. So Between talking to the therapist, making sure he remains at the top of the class, mentoring underprivileged kids and training for games. Gareth is actually growing out of his pain and coping in a healthy way

Lucy just coped by leaning a lot on Ricky Haselby, her gay best friend. And Haselby is the kind of guy who has lots of money and solves problems with daddy's influence. So his solution everytime Lucy starts mopping and missing Gregory is to let her cry and buy her stuff on Amazon. Still, as someone who has been ignored by her family all her life, Lucy feels oddly comforted by how hard Haselby tries to be there for her. So she's trying her best to get over the breakup one day at a time. Because Mostly she's been giving herself time to heal.

And that's the tea 😺

[skylarstark4826]

It’s been weeks.

Months even and Spider felt terrible. He felt like an outcast, like a burden.

He probably was one anyways.

The Sullys were still mourning, the grief sitting deep within their soul. They lost their eldest son, their first child, their first joy. Spider understood why they were still mourning Neteyams loss. 

After Neteyam had died Jake spend more time with his kids. He asked them how their day was, what they did, if they achieved anything. He‘d smile at the stories Tuk and Kiri told him and give Lo‘ak some tips about how he could improve his hunting. Neytiri sat beside them, slightly smiling while prepping the food.

Spider was left out. He always was.

Jake invited him for dinner right after Neteyams funeral but Spider saw the look in Neytiris eyes. He saw that he was unwanted, so he passed the offer. He told Jake he was tired and needed to rest. 

Luckily Jake got the Metkayina to allow Norm to place Spider‘s shack a couple minutes away from the village. It turned into Spiders safe space.

Usally he hated being in his shack alone but over the past months he learned to love the time he got to spend there. 

Most of the time Spider would stand in front of the little mirror, looking at his reflection. He felt wrong, he felt like he didn‘t deserve to wear the clothes he wore. The light material starting to itch on his skin in agony. 

Tears made their way down his face, burning his skin. At least it felt like that. His body shaking at the force of his sobs, his legs barely able to hold him upright as he stared at the boy in the mirror.

He didn‘t identify with the Spider he saw everyday. It felt wrong, like he was just holding up a very bad act. He was ashamed of himself for the way he acted all this years. He hated himself for trying to fit it with a species that was so different from his.

Spider remembered the day Kiri repainted his blue stripes…

He ran off to his shack, rubbing them off under the shower until his skin almost bled. He didn‘t deserve the blue paint, he didn‘t deserve to be Na‘vi. He wasn‘t Na’vi and he would never be. Neytiri made sure to remind him of that.

When Kiri asked him why he washed them off he simply shrugged and told her the paint was itchy. He knew she saw trough his terrible lies but she didn‘t ask further. She just took that answer and didn‘t ask him again. His heart broke at that.

Normally Kiri was always the one looking out for him, always asking how he was, if he ate and drank, if he was happy. She stopped doing that after he came back from the RDA and Spider understood, he really did. She just lost her older brother and was grieving. He understood that she didn‘t had enough engery to put up with a broken 16-year old. He understood, but it still hurt.

Then there was Tuk…

The little girl had liked him since she could remember. She always treated him like a Sully, even if Neytiri forbid her to include him in certain activities. Tuk didn‘t care. She was always searching for Spider, wanting to play with him, when Lo‘ak and Neteyam were out with Jake and Kiri helped her mom.

Sometimes Spider felt just like a plan b to her but that was better than nothing, right? At least she was searching for his presence.

Since Neteyams funeral she stuck to Lo‘ak and Kiri, spending so much time with her siblings, that she barely even spoke to Spider. He missed her enthusiastic stories but she made clear that she wasn‘t in the mood to talk to Spider. At least that was what he thought. 

After his escape from the RDA Spider thought that his relationship with Lo‘k would be the same as before but it wasn‘t. Their current relationship was terrible. Lo‘ak didn‘t spoke to him and Spider didn‘t even dare to look at his friend. That was what they were, right? They were still friends, right? Even if then didn‘t talk to eachother…

Spider knew why Lo‘ak ignored him. He was the reason Neteyam died after all. Neteyam went back for him and sighed his death warrant. That was a debt Spider thought he‘ll never be able to pay off. He took a child, a brother from a family. It would only be fair for him to die too. 

No, he should’ve died in the first place. He should’ve been to one Lyle shot, not Neteyam. Not perfect, flawless Neteyam…

The way Jake hugged Spider after the battle didn‘t feel right. It was wrong, it was messed up. Jake surely didn‘t know what Spider had done. If he knew he would hate Spider. He would send him back to the Omaticaya, back to Norm and Max. He would understand why Neytiri never liked Spider in the first place. 

Jake would finally open his eyes to who Spider was. That he was a human, a terrible human. Just like his father…

Dispise Neytiris hatred for Spider Jake had always tried to include the little human boy. It didn‘t really work.

Jake never was as gentle with Spider as he was with his children. When Spider fell he would never take him in his arms and tell him it‘ll be okay. He never helped Neytiri treat his wounds. No… He always called for Norm and Max, letting them take over.

Jake never checked with Spider the way he checked with his children and of course, Spider wasn‘t his child but he was a child. A child without parents on a planet where he didn‘t belong. 

There was a time once where Spider didn‘t eat for almost four days. No one would‘ve noticed if he didn‘t collapsed while playing with Lo’ak. The Na‘vi boy ran to get his dad and what did Jake did? He called Norm and Max letting them handle this problem.

He never asked Spider why he didn‘t eat. If he would‘ve he would‘ve know that Spider did it to get attention. Attention from Jake. He seeked out for parental affection, affection he didn‘t get.

If Jake would‘ve checked in with Spider even once in his life he would‘ve know that Spider decided to get dreads cause Jake had them and Jake was the one Spider looked up to.

Everything Spider did, he did so Jake would finally see him, really see him but the older man didn‘t seem to pick up the very obvious hints.

Or maybe he did notice but didn‘t want to act. Maybe he understood that Spider wanted more but simply ignored it. Maybe he thought Spider wasn‘t worth it, like Neytiri told him all the times. Maybe Spider was too weak, too human…

If Jake didn‘t notice Spider even with all his efforts, maybe he should just stop trying at all. It was useless anyway.

So Spider stopped trying.

He started with cutting his hair, letting his dread locks fall to the floor of his shack. Everyone knew that Spiders hair was sacred to him and that he rarely cut it, so the Sullys were beyond shocked when they saw his new haircut. He still remembered the look Kiri had on her face when she saw Spider with his buzzed hair. It was disappointment, it was sadness.

Kiri had loved his hair. It looked sturdy but it was so soft. Kiri loved to play with it. She could do that for hours.

When she saw Spider with his buzzed hair she was almost shell schocked but Spider told her he liked it that way so she didn‘t ask any further.

On one side it hurt Spider that they didn‘t dig any deeper and that they just took what he gave them, but on the other side he only knew it that way. It had never been different. Even the Tsahik of the Metkayina noticed that Spider wasn‘t okay and that he needed help, but no one else saw. No one acted like they really cared for Spider and his well being.

The next thing Spider did was starting to wear t-shirts. 

He used them to hide his slim, weak body, but also wore them because he started to feel cold in the ocean breeze.

He never was cold in the forstet. He ran around without a shirt since he could think but now he could leave his shack with at least a tanktop.

Jake was became suspicious when he noticed that Spider began to wear human clothing on a regular basis and wanted to ask the boy about it but Neytiri just talked it down. She told Jake he probably finally came to realisation that he was human and not Na‘vi. It reassured Neytiri that the human boy finally acted like one. Maybe now he would stop bothering her and her family.

The shirt gave Spider some kind of safety. A safety that he didn‘t get from the Sully’s. It hid his thin arms and his showing rips…

Yes it was annoying to go swimming with it but Spider didn‘t care. He rather run around with a clingy, wet shirt, or ran over 2 hours to chance it than getting weird looks about his body.

He wasn‘t confident in his body, not since he realised - a couple years ago - that he would never be Na‘vi, that he would always be like that. That realisation took a bit of his joy for life.  

He never would be full Na‘vi, so why try?

After he wore the shirt for a couple of weeks he started to wear shorts too. He never was so thankful for Norm and his urge to get Spider to wear normal clothes. 

Kiri saw Spider wearing shorts a couple of times before she went to talk to her dad.

“Are you sure he is fine?“, she asked her father, worry spread on her face. 

„Yes, why wouldn‘t he be?“

“Because he started wearing sky people clothing… Don‘t tell me you can‘t remember all the times Norm tried to get him to wear shirts and he would scream in protest. Something isn‘t okay dad. He, he isn‘t fine. Someone needs to check on him!“, Kiri demanded.

Jake gave her a conflicted look, thinking about what his mate told him. He probably came to realisation that he wasn‘t Na‘vi and that he would never be, no matter how many blue stripes he painted on his skin. But on the other hand he noticed too. Spider was behaving different. Jake barely saw him eating, he barely saw Spider anyway.

The boy mostly excused himself, hiding in his shack. It was unusual. Highly unusual…

Normally Spider was out with the kids till eclipse, always chasing after them, laughing till his rips hurt and the smile almost fell off his face, but this Spider, the Spider who returned from the RDA was different. 

„Maybe you’re right baby girl. I‘m gonna look after him after dinner“, Jake gave in with a tired sigh, setting the spear down he was sharpening. „I will look after him. Just don‘t tell your mom, okay?“

Kiris gaze sharpened. She knew her mother hated Spider. She knew and she despised her mom for it. What did Spider do to her? He had no control over who his father was? Hasn‘t she heard what Spider did for the villages Quaritch raided. Why didn‘t she see Spider for who he was? Why did she always see him?

„Why shouldn’t I?“

“Because you know how she is… She doesn‘t accept him. You know what she did on the ship. She wouldn‘t want me to check on him“, Jake explained with a aching heart. He hated that he gave in to Neytiri but she was his mate. He was supposed to do that, wasn‘t he?

“That‘s the problem!“, Kiri suddenly almost yelled, throwing her hands in the air. „All you do when you’re supposed to look after Spider is think about mom! About her hatred and anger. You’re only seeing that! You’re not seeing the broken boy who obviously needs help!“, her voice cracked. Kiri was crying by now, tears streaming down her fragile face.

She knew that she wasn‘t any better, but Jake was Toruk Makto, former Olo‘eyktan. Most importantly he was a father. He was supposed to look out for his children and Spider counted as one of his children. At least that was what Kiri thought. She always had seen Spider as her brother, Lo‘ak and Tuk did the same, even Neteyam saw a brother in Spider…

„We failed him dad. We failed him and he‘s too scared to tell us. He is scared dad. He is scared!“, Kiri yelled, shooting up from the sitting postillion she was in.

“Have you ever seen how he looks at mom, especially after-“, her voice broke, letting Jake flinch. „Especially after she held a knife to his throat? Have you ever seen the fear in his eyes when she comes too close to him? Have you ever seen how he backs ways, as soon as he thinks he might be in her way? Have you seen it, or are you blinded by pure rage mom is feeling towards his father. His father. He isn‘t is father! He isn‘t! He is so much more“, Kiri cried, not even bothering to wipe her tears away.

“He‘s not responsible for what his father did! Then and now. Haven‘t you heard how he tried to protect our people? His people? Spider was ready to risk his life for us and we just ran… We left him with the RDA. We let him suffer dad, we let him suffer with the excuse of a Na‘vi who dared to call himself Spiders father-“ 

Kiri broke down. 

The force of her sobs, shook her legs, letting her fall to the ground. She was shaking, hands clutched to her face.

Jake sat there like he was frozen. Kiri threw so much at his head that it was hard to process everything. Jake slowly blinked as he saw the crying form of his daughter. He felt numb. What had he done? What had he done?

His eyes started tearing up. Everything Kiri had just accused him of was true. It was the plain, painful truth. He had left Spider behind to run away with his family. Hell, he even thought Spider would snitch on them… He was so wrong. He was so selfish.

He was such a selfish bastard. 

He ran way to safe his family, meanwhile a part of his family was suffering at the hands of the RDA. His child was the one suffering and he didn‘t even look back when he left the forest. 

Jake scrambled to his feet, hurrying of to Kiri, pulling her into his lap, laying his arms around her.

“I’m sorry baby girl“, he whispered in a broken voice, holding her close. „I’m so sorry. You’re right. You‘re so right“, he continued, hiding his face in her hair.

“You shouldn‘t say sorry to me… Say sorry to him!“, she urged, freeing herself from her dads grip. „You need to say sorry to him“, she whispered again, looking in the eyes of the man that raised her, even tho she wasn‘t his own. Why didn‘t he do the same with Spider. Jake was human too, right? Shouldn‘t that be one reason more to care for the human boy?

“I will go, talk to him and apologise! If- If your mom asks where I am tell her I’m with Spider, okay?“ Jake got up, gently setting Kiri down on one of the sleeping mats.

“Okay. I will let her know“, she forced a small smile, looking after Jake, as he hurried out of their mauri.

-

A knock ripped Spider out of his thoughts. He was crouched over a bunch of books, trying to get the knowledge to stick in his brain. Maybe if he’d be able to help Norm and Max he would have something to do. 

Spider looked up when he heard the air lock open. His confusion grew when he saw Jake entering, grabbing one of the regulators who hung besides the door. 

„Hey, how are you bud?“, Jake asked sitting down on Spiders bed, besides his desk. Jake looked hilarious. The bed was big, but still too small for Jake to comfortably sit on it. He didn‘t care tho.

“I’m fine“, Spider replied, looking down at the books again.

Jake took in Spiders clothed form, shocked at how much weight the boy lost. „Have you been eating recently?“, he asked, bending forward to let his elbows rest on his knees.

“Yes“, Spider answered, his mind absent. „Why are you asking?“

„Because you have lost weight“, Jake stated, waiting for Spiders reaction.

Spider stiffened, freezing in his spot. How did Jake know? How did he notice? Spider was careful to not let his body show. There was no way Jake noticed. He didn‘t care for Spider.

“What’s going on Spider, mh? You can talk to me!“, Jake said, urging closer to Spider. Jake meant what he said. Spider could talk to him and Jake wanted to know what was going on. He wanted to correct his mistakes from the past. He wanted to start being a father for Spider.

“It’s nothing, really. I just wasn‘t hungry the past days…“ , Spider whispered, turning his head away from the Na‘vi man. „You don‘t need to worry about me, I’m fine“ Spider wasn‘t fine. There was no way he was fine. He was miserable. But he didn‘t want to be a burden. He was one enough all these years ago… 

„You aren‘t fine Spider. Everyone can see that“ Jakes voice was quiet and gentle. The way he spoke with Tuk when she was scared, or Kiri when he tried to explain what happened to her birth mother. „You can talk to me bud. Thats the least I can do. I care for you-“

“No you don‘t“, Spider interrupted him, turning his head to stare into Jakes yellow eyes. 

„What?“, Jake was too stunned to speak, needing to take a breath from his regulator. Why did Spider think like that? Jake cared for him, he did. Why did Spider think Jake didn‘t care for him?

“Don‘t say you care for me, cause you don‘t. You never did“ There it was. It was out. Jake knew what Spider thought. There was no going back now. Maybe Spider should already start packing. Jake surely would send him back to Max and Norm.

“Why do you think that?“, Jake wanted to know in a broken voice. He tried to put a hand on Spiders shoulder, but the boy backed away. He didn‘t want to be touched by him.

“In all the years I‘ve been living you‘ve never really cared for me, you’ve never really seen me. You would always call Max or Norm letting them take over when all I wanted was you to care for me. Remember the time I collapsed while playing with Lo‘ak? I didn‘t eat for about four days. I wanted you to notice me, but you didn‘t. You send me away with Norm again“ Spider wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to punch Jake and hurt him the way he hurt him but he kept still. He looked Jake in the eyes, more calm than he ever was. It was scary.

“You‘ve never said anything to Neytiri when she once again sliced me with her looks. Never once you said anything when she send me away again, calling me a demon child. But mostly importantly you leftme… You left me with the RDA, at the hands of the excuse of a Na‘vi who calls himself my father. I‘ve waited days, weeks even, always hoping and praying you’ll show up but you didn‘t and still I didn‘t snitch on you. I even told them to kill me, before I give you away“, Spiders voice broke and Jake stared at him in shock.

Why did he never say anything? Why did Jake let him suffer like this in the first place. Jake had fucked up big time, he knew that but how does make this right now?

“Never, ever do that again, Spider! Do you hear me? Never“, Jake pleaded, looking into Spiders eyes. „Never tell them to kill you. Give them what they want. Give them everything, because the next time something like this happens - which will not - I will come and get you, you understand? I will do everything in my power to get you Spider. Everything!“ That was a promise. A promise Jake not only gave Spider but himself. How could he leave that boy to suffer like that? 

Tears welled up in Spiders eyes and he was so close to believe what Jake told him but there was no way he meant it. He never meant anything he told Spider.

Jake had promised to teach Spider how to hunt, how to fish. He even promised him to carve him a bow. Jake promised but he didn‘t do it. Spider taught everything he knows himself. He watched how Jake taught Neteyam and Lo‘ak and spend nights learning on his own. He didn‘t sleep, he didn‘t drink, didn‘t eat… 

Jake couldn’t keep his promises in the past. Why should he keep them now?

“You don‘t mean that“, Spider broke the silence, standing up. He needed to get distance between him and Jake. „You promised me so many things and you’ve never kept a single one of them. Why should you keep this promise?“ Spider turned around, looking in Jakes pained eyes.

Jake didn‘t respond. He didn‘t know what to respond. Spider was so right… He was so right and Jake was ashamed of himself. How can he ever repair this broken relationship? Can it even be repaired?

“You should take a breath from your regulator“, Spider suddenly blurted out, pointing towards the device - which hung around Jake‘s neck. „I don‘t want you to fall unconscious on me“

“Uh, yea sure“, Jake almost stammered, doing as he was told. 

Spider turned around, walking into the little kitchen. He was thirsty and he needed to get away from Jake. If he‘d stay he might believe he meant everything he said.

Jake saw Spider disappearing, walking away. Then he broke down. Tears were streaming down the mans face and it was hard to suppress the sobs, who were threatening to leave his body.

What had he done? What has he done to that boy?How could he be so cruel, denying a child what they needed to most? A parent. He was so focused of this family that he forgot Spider… And Spider was part of his family. Spider had always been, hadn’t he?

No, he is not part of this family, a small, agonysing voice started to speak up in Jake‘s head and Jake knew the voice was right. If Spider really would’ve been part of the family he would‘ve eaten with them, Jake would‘ve taught him how to hunt and fish, he would‘ve gotten a songcord…

Spider would‘ve gotten so much, but he didn‘t. He didn‘t because Jake was being ignorant and selfish, letting his mate hate a child. Jake let Neytiri almost terrorise Spider and he never did anything. He thought- He thought it was justified in some fucked up way.

Jake was so drowned in his own thoughts, fault and guilt that he almost didn‘t recognise the dull thud that came from the little kitchen of the shack. Jake shot up from Spiders bed, hitting his head at the low ceiling of the shack.

“Fuck“, he cured under his breath, before he went into the direction of the kitchen, preparing himself for the worst.

“Spider? Spider are you okay?“, he asked, as he popped his head through the door but he got now response. He immediately saw why. Spider was laying on the ground unconscious, blood drawing from his head.

“Shit, shit, shit!“ Jake tried to pick the boy up as gently as possible, laying him on his bed. He needed to get Neytiri. Now.

When Jake was sure that Spider laid comfortable he tried to still the bleeding, pressing a cloth against the boys head. With his eyes Jake scanned the room, searching for something to secure the cloth against Spiders head. When he noticed some sort of belt he grabbed it, trying to gently tie it around Spiders head. 

„Okay, so now you need to find his comm“, Jake told himself, trying to calm himself down. He wasn‘t prepared for this kind of situation. When he spotted the comm he handed Spider a couple weeks ago he sighed with relief. „I’m praying Lo‘ak is wearing his!“

Jake reached out, putting the ear piece on. „Lo‘ak? Lo‘ak are you there?“, Jake asked, his voice sounding desperate.

“Dad?“, came a muffled voice full of confusion. „Why are you using Spiders comm? Is everything okay?“ 

„You need to tell your mom to come to Spiders shack, understood? Tell her its urgent. If she doesn’t want to come tell her I’m not alright, okay? Do everything thats possible to get her here. It’s about Spider“, Jake ordered, his eyes drifting to the unconscious boy who laid on the bed. „He‘s- he’s not okay…“

“Of course Sir. Understood!“, Jake heard Lo‘ak before he lost the connection. Jake was feeling terrible, he was anxious, he was insecure, he was everything but calm. 

Jakes hands trembled as he tried to gently caress Spiders face. He looked to small, so vulnerable. He looked like a kid. A kid he didn’t care for. A kid who deserved someone to care for him. Jake had failed and he knew that. He knew that he failed and he would do everything in his power to make up for it. He wanted to be the father Spider never had. He wanted to be the one Spider searched for when he had a problem. He wanted to be Spiders father.

Jake was so caught up in his worry and fear that he didn‘t notice his mate almost storming into the shack. Lo‘ak told her something was wrong with Jake. „MaJake! Is everything alright?“ Neytiri was all over Jake before he could stand up.

“I‘m fine! It‘s- It‘s Spider love“, Jake turned his head to look at the unconscious boy laying on the bed, tears brimming in Jake‘s eyes. With a hiss Neytiri backed away, shaking her head.

“You got me here to treat the demon child? No!“ Neytiri flashed her fangs, he ears flat to her skull while her tail swung aggressively. „I will not get near the demons brut! You remember what his father did to us“, she whispered in a angry tone, sounding more than dangerous.

“But he isn‘t his father!“, Jake hissed back, towering over his mate. „All those years I let you play this card but I‘m sick of it! Can‘t you see what we did to this boy? We neglected him Neytiri! We ignored him while all he wanted was someone to care for him. He wanted parents and we - you and I - were too blindto see it. We didn‘t see him! You were so blinded by your hate for his father while he only was a child!“, Jakes voice broke, tears streaming down his face, while Neytiri stared at her mate in shock. She could count on one hand how many times she saw Jake cry and she didn‘t expect him to do so now.

“We failed him. We failed him so many times but he didn‘t care. We left him to die with the RDA and he still didn‘t snitch on us, he still did everything to save Kiri. You sliced his chest on that boat and he still tried to please you in any way possible. He’s still trying to do everything you want without a single thought of hate towards you. He cares for us while we didn‘t care for him!“ Jake was almost screaming, not caring if Spider could possibly wake up from it.

“I’m just asking you to see Neytiri. To see him and not his father“, his voice was trembling with guilt, his eyes pleading as he looked at his mate, at the love of his life. 

Neytiris eyes flicked from the unconscious form of Spider laying on the bed back to a crying Jake in front of her. „I-“, she started, her voice getting caught in her throat. She didn‘t know what to say… Jake was right. Jake was so right but Neytiri still didn‘t want to believe it. Her hate was too strong to be overcome. At least she thought it…

Jake saw that Neytiri was battling with herself. He knew it was hard for her because Quaritch took everything from her but Spider had nothing to do with that son of a bitch. The only thing which identified Spider as Quaritch‘s was his blood and Jake knew on earth they said: Blood was thicker than water but this didn‘t apply to Spider! 

The moment Spider was allowed to go outside he didn‘t seek to destroy Pandora, no. He wanted to be one of them. He wanted to be Na‘vi. He wanted to keep Pandora safe, he was ready to die for a planet he wasn‘t supposed to live on…

That was all Neytiri needed to see. Just that. She saw the need to protect Pandora in Jake when he became Toruk Makto, why didn‘t she see it when Spider told them that he didn‘t say a word to the RDA?

“Please Neytiri. That‘s all I‘m asking. Please see him for who he is. Just once…“ Jake cocked his head slightly, grabbing Neytiris hand. „Please“

Neytiri‘s head was a mess. On one side she wanted to give in to Jake, she wanted to set her hatred for Spider aside but on the other side… on the other side she couldn‘t. The hate was boiling in her heart, threatening to boil over if she took one more look at Spider. But he was just a child, not responsible for his fathers actions. Why was it so hard for Neytiri to overlook the origin of Spider? Why?

Neytiri took a deep breath, looking at Jake before she pushed him aside to kneel down in front if Spider. Her mind was telling her to stop, to run away from the demon child but at the same time her instincts screamed at her, telling her to care for this neglected, forgotten child. 

She gently started to caress Spiders head, whispering soothing words into his ear, while she inspected the wound on his head. It was hard to access, she would need to shave his hair away further…

“MaJake… Get me a scissor or something. We need to cut his hair away a bit, otherwise I can‘t treat his wound“, Neytiri instructed, waiving her hands in the direction of her mate. „Hurry up! Your cloth bandage won‘t hold any longer“

“Yes, of course“, Jake muttered, rummaging through the drawers in Spiders room. It surprised Jake that Neytiri was willing to help and he really hoped she would start to set her hate for him aside because Jake knew that he wouldn‘t chose Spider overNeytiri…

While Jake was searching for a pair of scissors Neytiri carefully removed Spiders shirt, gasping in horror when she saw that the rips of the boy were already showing. He was covered in bruises and cuts - which were at different stages of healing. Some cuts looking more symmetrical that the others… Broken sobs escaped Neytiris throat as she looked down at the boy, clutching her hand over her mouth.

Spider was suffering. Alone. And they didn‘t- shedidn‘t care. Spider was a child, a gift from Eywa - demon or not. How could she not appreciate this gift? How could she hate him, while all he did was care for her family?

Realisation hit her like a hammerhead. Oh she was so selfish, so full of hate. May the great mother forgive her for her mistakes. 

„What is this MaJake?“, she cried out, turning around just too look at a appalled Jake. 

„No, no, no“, he whispered, kneeling down besides his mate to take in the cuts on Spiders upper arm and shoulders. „No Eywa, this can‘t be true, please“ His voice broke, while he caressed the different cuts. Spiders was hurting himself… Judging to the cuts he stopped some time ago but at the same time Jake didn‘t know what his thighs looked like. They could look even worse.

“When- When you’re done shaving his hair and dressing his wound we need to-“ Jake‘s voice cracked. „-we need to check his thighs. There could be more cuts there“

„What do these cuts mean MaJake?“

“Nothing good love. Nothing good“, Jake murmued, handeling Neytiri the scissors. They weren‘t the best option but Jake also didn‘t want Neytiri to get near Spider with a knife. He could wake up any moment and Jake didn‘t know how Spider would react, especially after the incident on the ship.  

Neytiri wasn‘t satisfied with Jake‘s answer but it needed to do right now. If she would wait any longer the wound could get worse. She needed to get to work. She would ask Jake about the cuts later. 

-

When Spider woke up he could feel something around his head and torso, as well as his legs. Something wasn‘t right. How did he end up in his bed? Spider pressed his eyes close, trying to remember but he was met with a wave of black. He couldn‘t remember. He only knew that Jake was with him.

At the thought of the Marine Spiders eyes flew open. He tried to sit up but was pushed down again by a gentle hand. „Shhhh. It‘s aright Spider. It‘s okay. It‘s me. It‘s Jake. You‘re okay. Calm down“, a soothing voice called out, stroking Spiders head. The boy blinked a couple times, trying to get the blur out of his vision. Was that really Jake?

“Just like that. Take deep breaths. In and out, just like that!“, Jake instructed, letting out a shaky relieved breath when Spider followed the instructions. 

Once Spider felt some what able to move his head, he turned to look at Jake, almost flinching when he saw the tear stained face of the older man. „Oh Spider…“, Jake whispered, carefully taking the boy in his arms. „My sweet, sweet boy. You scared me, so much“ Tears of relief washed over Jake as he held Spider close, cradling the boy in his arms. He never wanted to let him go.

“I’m sorry Spider. I’m- We‘re so sorry!“, Jake immediately started, pulling away to look in Spiders eyes. „Everything you- told me is true. Everything. We neglected you, we didn‘t care for you and I‘m so sorry“

Spider felt like he was in some sort of trance. Was that really Jake apologising? That couldn‘t be true. Jake wouldn‘t- he sure wouldn‘t apologise, right? And also he said we. That must be a dream because we would meant he and Neytiri and Spider wasn‘t dumb. He knew Neytiri couldn‘t stand him. She hated Spider. This must be hallucinating…

„Is this a dream?“, Spider whispered, looking up into Jake‘s yellow eyes. This can‘t be true.

“No, no this isn‘t a dream bud“, Jake assured, giving Spider a teary smile. „This is real. Neytiri-“ Spider flinched. Jakes heart broke. „Neytiri and I- we‘ve realised our mistakes and we wan‘t to do better. We- we want to be the parents you deserve“

Suddenly Spider started to violently shake his head, pushing himself away from Jake. No, no, no! Neytiri would never- she would never accept him as one of hers. Never. She never did and she never will. Spider crawled into the corner of his bed, his back facing the wall.

“You don‘t mean that“, he cried, clutching his arms. „Don‘t say that, please. You don‘t mean it“ Spiders head was clouded, his mind throwing insults at him. How he doesn‘t deserve the parental love of anyone, how he was the reason Neteyam died, how Neytiri would always see his father in him, how he always would be a demon.

“Spider... Spider, come here son“, Jake said in a calm voice, scooting near the boy, but Spider just pressed himself further into the corner of his bed. His eyes wide open. He was panicking. 

Jake knew what he had to do and he hated it. Without listening to Spiders screams and pleas he took the human boy in his arms, pressing him close to his own body. Spider needed to calm down, to get back to his senses.

“I know you don‘t believe me… I know and that‘s okay. I will prove to you that I‘m serious. Neytiri and I will prove, okay? You just need to let us“, Jake pleaded, while held down a flailing Spider, tears falling from the mans eyes again. He needed to make this right. It took him the loss of one son to realise he had another and he wasn‘t gonna let Eywa take him away from him! Not this time.

-

It took Spider hours to fall asleep. He was struggling in Jake‘s arms for god knows how long till he fell asleep from exhaustion, his mind flooded by all the things Jake had told him. Could he really believe it? Just this time? He wanted to, he really wanted to but- but there were all the promises in the past that he didn‘t hold… Spider didn‘t know what to do.

When he opened his eyes the next time he felt- normal. He looked around his room, realising that he was alone. He let out a greatfull breath. Finally.

When he sat up he noticed the bandages around his torso and thighs once more. They found out… Was that why they were playing the pity card on him right now? Was his self harm the reason why Jake suddenly noticed him? If it were like that he maybe should’ve started a bit earlier with it…

Spider was about to try and stand up when the air lock of his shack opened. His head shot up - a stinging pain jolting through his skull. His eyes met the surprised yellow ones of Neytiri - who still stood in the door, completely frozen. Spider wanted to talk, to scream but his throat was tied. He stared at the woman in front of him, fear and panic slowly creeping up his spine. Was she here to end things? Was she here to tell him everything Jake said wasn‘t true? Was that why she was here?

“Hello Spider“, she carefully greeted him, showing him her hands, she was unarmed - even the little dagger she always had besides her hip was missing. „How are you?“, she asked in a calm voice. Spider flinched. Was she for real?

When Neytiri didn‘t get an answer she slowly started to walk near Spider but stopped immediately when she saw whim flinch again. She took a deep breath and sat down on the floor, crossing her legs in front of her.

“There‘s something I want to talk to you about“, she started, searching for Spiders gaze. At first the boy was afraid of what he would find but when he looked in Neytiris eyes there was no hatred, no anger, no rage. There was pure love and it looked like she actually cared for him. 

Spider gave her a small nod, straightening his back. This would be a long talk.

“I would like to apologise Spider. What I did was not right“, Neytiri sighed, briefly looking down at her hands. „I had no right to treat you the way I treated you and I‘m sorry. Children are gifts from Eywa and I was selfish to think you weren‘t a gift. I only saw your father and that was not right. I would like to apologise for all my actions- also on the ship… I had no right to behave like that. I am sorry“

“It‘s fine“, Spider tried to talk it down but Neytiri shook her head.

“It is not Spider. We treated you like an adult while all you needed were parents. You‘re a child Spider. You deserve to be treated like one. All those years Jake and I failed you… We want to correct out mistakes from the past and take you in as one of ours. Out children did it way before us. Now it‘s my and Jakes turn“ 

Tears welled up in Spiders eyes as he just stood up and went to crash into Neytiri, hugging her like his life depended on it. Spider didn‘t know what was going on, why he was acting like he did but hearing that Neytiri was sorry and that she and Jake will try their best meant more that just to hear it from Jake.

Everybody knew that Neytiri never lied. Never. So she must mean it when she said it.

“I‘m sorry Spider. So sorry“, she whispered in a hushed tone, while cradling the back of his head. She didn‘t want to let him go. „You will never have to suffer like you did all those years again. I promise. We will care for you, most importantly Iwill care for you. I see you Spider and I am ashamed of myself that it took me so long to do so…“ A little tear rolled down Neytiris cheek as she pressed a gentle kiss to Spiders forehead. „If you ever have a problem you come to me and Jake, okay? We will try our best to help you!“, her gaze flicked to the bandages around Spiders thighs and he looked away in shame.

“I’m sorry“, he whispered, his cheeks turning slightly red.

“Don‘t be sorry. You have nothing to apologise for“, Neytiri immediately shook her head, carefully grabbing Spiders face, turning in to look at him. „Don‘t be sorry for such thing. You had no other way to- to relief the hurt. It‘s fine Spider. But if you ever experience something like this again I want you to talk to me, okay? I don‘t want to see you hurt again. You‘re my son and it‘s my job to care for you!“

With a teary smile Spider nodded, leaning against Neytiri again. She was warm and her embrace was comfortable. All those years Spider wished for this and now he finally got it… 

Slowly but surely everything would turn okay. Spider was sure of that

[mississpissi]

im asking you to explain :mic: abby and her dad go

ok this all started w bulks post about “abby” meaning “father’s joy” and it got me thinking about the contrast between cecil’s relationship with his mom versus the relationship i imagine between abby and her dad. fair warning that this mostly exists in my head but u bet ur burger im still gonna try to back up my ideas w quotes from the text (AP lit and lang babey).

first of all, looking at cecil’s relationship with his mom is super important. one of the first things we hear about her is that she used to hide from cecil for days and that she covered all the mirrors in their house (33). she also tells cecil to “beware, be warned, be wary”, which she apparently says to everything and cecil interprets to mean that she’s proud of him. we also hear in “Homecoming” (55) that cecil looks forward to seeing his mom every year at the homecoming game and was disappointed when he wasn’t able to. in “It Sticks With You” (182), we learn their mother would take them into the woods and walk quickly, cecil saying, “I think she wanted to lose us in the shadowy labyrinth of tall trees.” she would leave flowers at the base of the same old tree every time. she would ignore cecil’s questions. in “Bedtime Story” (132), which im convinced is about cecil (but that’s another post), cecil says “he just wanted his mother to show interest in his curiosity.” and even if that story isn’t about him, it is a story his mother would tell him at night, one he never heard the end of. in the traffic section of “Pioneer Days” (143), cecil tells a story of a boy left behind, abandoned by his family, left with nothing but a snake. im also fairly certain this is about him (cecil loves to tell his own story without ever really telling it). 

most revealing is what cecil says in “Ghost Stories” about his mother and her death. we learn their mother left when cecil was 14 (whatever that means), that cecil “thought that Mom would be back at any moment, like maybe she was away on business. Or out for a walk. Or just hiding.” He says, “And Mom flew away, when all other defenses failed her.” we learn she returned many years later, sick and old and “sorry”. we learn that she died soon after in a way that was “mundane”, that cecil was at work when it happened. we learn that cecil mourned her passing.

all of this paints a picture of a relationship that was strained, full of pain, downright abusive. and we see cecil, as he does so often, retrofit this pain to be something more palatable. she was hiding because she was proud. she didn’t speak to him because she was focused on something else. her defenses had failed her. she was struggling with alcoholism and mental illness. she was playing a game. she covered the mirrors because of pride. she came back! her death was inevitable. he misses her. he grieves her. he loved her. she might have loved him. he makes excuses for her because to do anything else would be to admit that he had experienced immense pain- to re-experience this immense pain. better to change the story.

now abby. 

we don’t know nearly as much about abby as i wish we did. we know she “approach[es] life with a total practicality,” that she will save her pain for when she is in private (It Devours!). steve says, “With Abby around, I can't imagine a bad thing that could happen" (89). we know her relationship with cecil has been tumultuous, that she leaned on cecil and then on steve as she raised janice. in “Bedtime Story”, the sister in the story fought with her brother, telling him she hated him. “she would wrestle him to the ground and pull his hair.” after the boy is buried in the ground, the sister often visits the tree he becomes. she plants flowers, removes beatles from his bark, reads in his shade, plucks his fruit. she visits with a man and a child, visits with joy and with tears in turn. this sister, this abby mourns her brother and tries to protect him, fights with him, loves him. 

and, again, in “Ghost Stories”, we learn that abby was “reserved and controlling”, that she dropped out of college when their mom left to raise cecil, that she blamed him (that cecil blamed her for not being their mom). we learn that abby was there when their mother died, that her death prompted cecil and abby to reconcile their differences. we learn that cecil and abby are both haunted by their family. 

here’s where i diverge from what we really have. 

we haven’t really heard from abby. everything we know of her we’ve learned from cecil and steve. but i have to imagine she resented their mother, that she hardly wanted to drop her plans for her future to raise her younger brother.  i hardly have to imagine what it’s like to have that kind of responsibility thrust upon you when all you wanted was to live your own life. i have to imagine watching your mother die, your mother who just reentered your life after years of neglect, would hurt, would be complicated, would cut deep.

i imagine mr. and mrs. palmer bringing home their first born child, naming her “Abby”, naming her “father’s joy”, naming her after the pride that swelled in her father’s chest. i imagine mr. and mrs. palmer doing their best to raise their daughter in a town as hostile as night vale. i imagine them wanting a sibling for their daughter, someone to keep her company when they couldn’t. i imagine abby struggling with the idea for a moment, then embracing her brother wholeheartedly. i imagine mrs. palmer naming their son “Cecil”, naming him “blind”, naming him after the future she saw.

i imagine abby, her father’s joy, watching as he brought his son to “work in the pasture” with him (132). watching as her brother was injured by his curiosity, watching as her father avoided him in his anger. watching her mother hide from her brother. i imagine abby realizing she would have to be the one to patch him up, even while both parents were still home. i imagine abby hearing her father promise that he “would give [his] life for [his son]”, hearing him say her brother could never be a doctor because “he feared for the boy's future patients”. i imagine her wanting her father to offer his life for her, to invite her to the pasture. i imagine her becoming more reserved over time, realizing her brother needed more help and attention, willing to step into the background because she loved him, because she wanted to be strong for her family. i imagine her doing everything she could to live up to her name, to be someone worthy of the joy of her father.

i imagine abby, her father’s joy, watching him leave. maybe she knew why, maybe she was simply left. i imagine abby watching her mother slowly fall into paranoia and fear because of her brother, because of what she had seen. i imagine abby following her mother into the woods, placing flowers on the trunk of a tree she recognizes, trying to keep cecil distracted by playing a game with him. i imagine abby making sure cecil got to school, got food when their mother was hiding from him. i imagine abby finding out her mother too had left, left her with now full time responsibility for cecil. i imagine abby becoming controlling because she had to, because she had lost control over so many other aspects of her life. i imagine abby channeling what she could remember of her father, trying to be strong, reliable- ignoring that he had stopped being that very suddenly. i imagine abby yelling at a teenage cecil, telling herself that it was better than ignoring him like they had. i imagine abby finding out she was to become a mother, a mother without a father, a mother to a daughter who had more needs than she could handle on her own. i imagine abby finding a man who wanted to help, who could provide a stability cecil was unable to, for all his enthusiasm. i imagine abby, kicking her drunk brother she had raised out of her wedding, not willing to look him in the face for years without seeing her father, seeing her mother, seeing ghosts.

and i imagine abby listening to her brother describe their father on live radio. i imagine her cleaning up after the dinner steve made, hearing about a man with a “thin mouth… [and] threatening, beckoning eyes” (192). hearing about a man, their father, her father, going into the forest with a shovel, digging himself out of the ground. i wonder if she put the pieces together retroactively or if she’d had them all along. i imagine her waiting for the shower to cry. i imagine her hearing that cecil received a photograph of their father (201, 219). i wonder if she went to see it, if she was able to, if she even wanted to see it. i wonder if she listened in, checking that her brother was taking care of her daughter, only to hear that her father, the man who’s joy she had once been, was actually talking to cecil (224). i wonder if she wondered why he was reaching out to cecil and not her. i wonder if she called cecil after, or if she knew he meant it when he said, “I refuse to look into it further.” i wonder if she hopes that when cecil is made to remember their father, she gets to as well. i wonder how long she was her father’s joy, and how long she spent grieving whatever changed that.

most of all, i wonder if WE’RE EVER GONNA GET TO HEAR ABBY’S FUCKING VOICE!!

[rroaddkill]

Deja vu, a chucky fanfic told through the perspective of Tiffany Valentine, a reflection of how much her child looks like someone she used to really know well.

I wrote this for @stinkysstuff bc of a headcanon they have.

-

"Deja vu? What a strange feeling, I've never felt it before." Words I shouldn't say, because I have. It gives me anxiety every-time I do, wracks my brain with constant stress and pain. I remember too much, I live in the past. I live in a world where my son and his sister didn't exist and it was still us, he looks so much like you now it's almost like looking into a mirror of all my mistakes, it makes me sick. ill. And i hate being sick, I hate it with every fiber of my mind and body.

 I almost feel a sort of grief? It's like God's constant reminder of what I took away from myself years and years ago over something stupid, oh I remember it so vividly too..in full color, every sound made in that moment, every emotion, everything. My life changed forever…but it was for the better wasn't it? Was it not what gave us the life we have now? Even if we're apart, and I'm all alone with my thoughts. Knowing I can never fix it. I want you back so badly, but I'll never get any of that back. 

I grieve a lot about how much I fucked up, I FUCKED UP! I cheated the kids out of a present father, I cheated myself out of the best relationship and only relationship I've ever had..and for what? Because of something that happened and didn't cause me any physical harm at all? Fucking hell, I hate myself. I'm going to vomit everywhere, vomit my guts out, my blood, my tears can flow with it.

"Mom? You alright there?" A sweet and kind voice called out to me, breaking my intrusive thinking.. "yeah..ah..I'm fine, sorry honey." Glen smiled at me, his smile, his laugh, the way he looked and what he wore..everything brings me back. "I was asking if you liked my outfit, mummy?" The only thing that differs you from him is the slight accent, a slight British accent. I always found it cute, adorable that he holds onto it even though he's in a different body than his doll one, but..I digress, 

his outfit reminds me of you, fashionable like you were too, a black trenchcoat with a grey tweed material, I could've swore it was the exact one you had..a white sweater and dark purple plaid pants, his shoes being doc marten boots..oh he looks so much like you.. I miss you.

"Yeah, sweetface..you look great." I smiled lovingly at him, I knew that when him and Glenda left, whenever that'd be..I would end up going upstairs, reminiscing and sobbing my heart out, and god I hope I don't puke.

Come back to me, in a dream, or when I'm dead and decaying.

Come back to me, I won't rest comfortably until you do.

Even if it means death, I'll find my way back to you piece by piece.

Till death do us part, 

Remember?

[astragreenwoode]

The Spitfire Curse - Chapter Six

Previous: Chapter Five • Next: Chapter Seven • Masterlist • AO3 Version 

Rating: Explicit(18+ ONLY)

Pairings:  Billy Hargrove x Fem!OC, Steve Harrington x Fem!OC, Eddie Munson x Fem!OC

Warnings: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-Con, Canon-Typical Violence, Graphic Descriptions of Violence, Non-specified Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Drug Use, Hypersexuality, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Genre: Adventure, Thriller, Horror, Slow-Burn Romance, Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Smut, Fluff, Slight Canon-Divergence, Fix-it fic

And a special thanks to my beta-reader @take-everything-you-can! Thank you so much for all your feedback and ideas, love!

Chapter Six: Red Means "I Love You"

Word Count: 12,861

Chapter Warnings: Sexual Assault, Non-Consensual Somnophilia, Non-Consensual Drugging, Disembodied Voices, Self-Deprecating Talk, Hypersexual Behaviors and Thoughts, Language, Confusion, Hallucinations, General Angst

Chapter Summary: Billy had been Maeven's classmate since Middle School but only got to know her at a party at the end of their sophomore year. As treasured as that night was to them both, the current state of their relationship isn't as pretty.

THERE'S A HUGE SHIFT IN TONE IN THE STORY FROM HERE ON OUT. REMEMBER TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. IF ANY OF THE WARNINGS CONTAIN TOPICS THAT ARE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, PROCEED WITH CAUTION OR FEEL FREE TO NOT READ PAST THIS SYMBOL: !*!*!

I feel super nervous publishing this, as it's one of the darkest things I've ever written. This fic is my main outlet for processing all my trauma, so I hope others can understand and appreciate that. Remember to be kind to yourself and do what you need for self-care.

*Originally posted on AO3 on December 20th, 2023

May 1983

The love Billy Hargrove felt for Maeven Mayfield bordered on obsessive.

Growing up, he didn’t exactly have the best example of what real love looks like. One could barely even list his parents as an example. He knew how much his dad loved his mom, even if the way he showed it confused him from time to time. He had pieced it together in his mind that his mom left because she couldn’t handle Dad’s beatings anymore. Neil drove her away from them. It wasn’t Billy’s fault, it was Neil’s.

He wasn’t sure if this made it better or worse, but he sometimes pretended that his mother never loved him at all. At least then, he would have a simple answer for why she left him behind. Knowing how much she cared for him meant she left her little boy with a despicable man, but just didn’t care enough to bring him with her. And he suddenly understood why his dad grabbed women and pulled them back to him; to make them stay.

Eventually, Billy learned to grieve and cope the same way his dad did. He had taken enough beatings from his old man in his short life that the anger and pain that grew inside him only went away when he was inflicting it upon others. He passed his father’s abuse through his heart and soul before forcing that pain upon someone else. And even though Neil refused to show it, Billy knew he missed her as much as he did. Over time, his demeanor grew more cocky and his sense of humor dimmed darker. But he never dared to bring up his mother, lest he get another black eye from his dad that he’d be forced to blame on a sports accident once he stepped inside the school.

Like most High School jocks, sports was a way for Billy to channel all his aggression in a way that no one questioned. Each game played is fueled by rage, aggression, and excitement from both players and spectators. It gave him an excuse; a way out of being seen as a bully. He was well aware that he was a bully, of course. If he could be a different person, he would. But these were the cards he was dealt with by whatever bullshit, narcissistic higher power was in charge. He couldn’t just trade them in for something new. Billy knew he was tainted; born broken. There was no cure for what he was.

And then, Maeven walked into his life, with her long, fiery hair and adorable gap-toothed smile. Billy had seen her around before, of course. She made an impression by being one of the most intelligent kids in their grade once she entered middle school. There were even whispers that she would go on to become Valedictorian once they all entered High School together. But she was also that weird girl who collected animal bones and drew patterns on her arms with sparkly gel pens in class. She was a smartass and a showoff, always the first to volunteer to help the teachers; a goody-two-shoes, someone Billy would never hang out with in a million years. Until she suddenly became a badass out of nowhere. 

In June of 1982, before school was let out for the year, rumors spread that Maeven was arrested for beating the ever-loving shit out of her now ex-boyfriend, Jordan Bernard. Billy wasn’t surprised by this. Jordan always talked big in the locker room about how tight he had two girls wrapped around his fingers, and sometimes his cock. Of course, he stayed quiet about the whole thing, not wanting to admit to his teammates that his broken nose was from a 5’4 freshman girl. But he also seemed ashamed that the situation happened at all, and ended up convincing the police and his father to drop all the charges against her. 

Neither he nor Maeven spoke a word about it, leaving Emily Bernard, his sister,  to spill the beans. Not only did the peace-and-love preaching hippie freak punch someone, but she was arrested as a result.

So maybe Maeven wasn’t a complete nerd or loser like Billy initially thought. That didn’t mean he liked her now. She’d get a free pass from him, sure; maybe even a compliment or two if he happened to catch her in a fight. She ended up getting noticed for being the most aggressive player on the girl’s soccer team, but that was really it. He never thought he’d have to care about her until Susan somehow wandered her way into his dad’s heart.

The following October, after starting his Sophomore Year, Billy noticed his dad was acting differently. Normally, he wouldn’t give a shit about Neil or how he was doing as long as he left him alone and kept the beatings to a minimum. But he seemed suspiciously pleasant when he came home from his job as a security guard at a bank in downtown San Diego. Billy could’ve also sworn he saw him smile, something he had to sit down and process for a moment. He still didn’t dare to ask him what had him so damn happy all of a sudden, as he knew he would probably receive a “mind your own damn business, boy” as a result.

Billy’s only real option to get answers without fueling the fire of his father’s rage was to investigate himself. He drove by the bank, dressed in sunglasses, a baseball cap, and a jacket he otherwise wouldn’t be caught dead in. His dad wasn’t by the front doors like he was supposed to be, but instead chatting up an older redhead woman behind the counter. At first, Billy didn’t really care. His dad fucked around with a different woman every other week, so it wasn’t a surprise to see him sweetening up his next meal before he would eventually toss out the leftovers.

But this was different than all the other women. Neil seemed constantly fixed on her, acting too sweet and sappy for this to just be another booty call. A month after catching a glimpse of her, he came home late one Friday night to see another car parked in the driveway next to his dad’s station wagon. Billy had to park on the street that night as he crashed into his bed, trying his best to drown out the cringe-worthy sex noises coming from the other room.

The next morning, he found himself face-to-face with Susan Mayfield making his dad breakfast, as she awkwardly introduced herself to him. Billy paid her no mind except a quick nod before going back to eat the eggs and bacon he begrudgingly took from her. He didn’t have it in him to admit that her cooking was actually delicious.

For three months, Billy avoided his father and his new shtup like the plague. Neil didn’t ask much of his son, just to acknowledge Susan when she hung out there and not mention her outside of their house. Billy was okay with that. In fact, he could care less. Until he spotted her outside of the regular booty calls and secret date nights with his dad, that is. The worst part? It was at school. Three months after their first, awkward meeting in his kitchen, he finally knew why Susan seemed so familiar. He had seen that shade of red hair on a particular strange classmate of his.

It was only then that Billy took a sudden interest in Maeven. He took a moment to wrap his head around the mere idea that Susan the Buzzkill and Maeven the Freak were mother and daughter. But the more he thought about it, the more it made perfect sense. Both Mayfield women shared the same annoyingly bubbly personality and stubbornness. 

He considered telling her about her mom’s little affair; how the seemingly perfect housewife with the perfect family was sneaking with his revolting carpet stain of a father. Before he got the chance, rumors circulated in school that Mr. and Mrs. Mayfield were getting divorced. Maeven was visibly sour for weeks that the entire grade now knew the details and circumstances of her family drama.

It pissed him off a little bit, sure. Billy would’ve liked to play a part in shattering Susan’s life after she had the nerve to crawl into his. It didn’t matter, though. Somehow, she managed to shatter her life and her marriage without any help. And he had to admit, it made Maeven more interesting. He tried all different flavors of girls; smart, dense, pretty, sporty, bad, good, sluts, and virgins. But nothing caught Billy Hargrove’s attention quite like a good girl gone bad. 

She had always stood out among their peers, of course. Maeven was constantly fidgeting in her seat, drawing on whatever surface she could find, and using every chance she got to talk about animals. She was in waaayy too many after-school clubs, always raised her hand first in class, and was way too proud of herself. Maeven was always such a show-off, a try-hard, a good girl. 

All these years, she was just a familiar stranger. Billy noticed her around and heard about her, but now that he’s seen her in a different light, a flattering light, it was like he was properly noticing her for the first time. He hadn’t expected someone so nerdy and dorky to suddenly be so naturally pretty, as well. The night he formally introduced himself to her ended up being one of the best nights of Billy’s life. And she didn’t know it yet, but it would end up being one of Maeven’s, too.

Melody Chandler always threw the best parties. Her parents were never home; sort of rich nomads, always on trips for both business and pleasure. They just never bothered to include their daughter in any of them. Every week, they’d have her aunt come in and check on her, but for the most part, Melody had free reign to do whatever she wanted whenever she wanted to do it. It was a monthly ritual amongst the Newport Student Body to drown themselves in their drink or drug of choice at Melody’s place. It was the place to be.

In the months following her parents’ separation, Maeven had gained a reputation as quite the fox. Billy wasn’t that surprised that she grew up to be a horny little freak, something he discovered she and her mother had in common. He still remembers when she the hottest topic for weeks in seventh grade after their class trip to the aquarium. That night was still so vivid in his head. He wasn’t sure he could forget about it even if he wanted to. 

The night of the field trip, Maeven went to sleep earlier than their other classmates, tired after a day of running around and telling everyone random facts about the fish and aquatic animals. He remembered that her favorite was the sea otter. When the rest of the grade returned to the auditorium to sleep, everyone was shell-shocked to find her humping the stuffed otter she had gotten that day at the gift shop while in her sleep. She was so mortified she ended up crying herself to sleep in front of the fish tanks with her gang of girlfriends who joined to comfort her. While Billy felt incredibly bad seeing her embarrassed like that, he couldn’t deny that the whole experience left him walking away with something new awakened in him. He still thought about it from time to time; remembering that he had never blushed so hard in his life than he did watching her accidentally humiliating herself. Maybe he liked Maeven for longer than he wanted to admit. He wondered f she still had that otter, and if she still used it the same way she had that night.

Melody’s parties eventually became her favorite place to hunt for people to play with. According to most of the jocks, she was a tease; she liked playing with her food and rarely ever took a bite. She enjoyed taking control, pleasing them with her hands and mouth, often leaving them desperate for her to touch them again. If they were really lucky, she’d grind her clothed sex on their laps until they begged her to stop. Only maybe two or three of them could claim that she let them inside her, including Jordan Bernard.

Apparently, she liked messing around with girls, too, but no girl in school was brave enough to admit that. So the rumor remained unconfirmed. That didn’t stop boys from trying to convince her into a threesome with her and their girlfriends. Most of these attempts were followed by a surprise groping of her ass and ended with her throwing them against the lockers and collapsing their urethras when she kicked them where it hurt most. Maeven the science nerd was now bolder, stronger, sluttier, but definitely not as easy as some of the boys she hooked up with claimed.

All this and more were the reasons that Billy now understood why she gained so many nicknames for herself; Iron Maeven, Metal Maeven, Spitfire. That last one was his personal favorite, as it was criminally underused. It was what her Dad called her, something Billy discovered while spying on Susan.

The second to last of Melody Chandler’s monthly parties for their sophomore year ended up being memorable, indeed. After humiliating yet another sleazeball who tried to grab her without her permission, Maeven retired to the poolside lounge chair where she lit up a freshly-rolled joint she got from Madison Gray. You could always tell when it was hers because of how lush and thick they were.

Most people partied inside towards the second half of the night, the wallflowers chilling outside in the quiet of the night by the now calm pool. Melody’s place wasn’t isolated, per se. It was, however, far away enough from town that the stars could be viewed in all their glory. Maeven even caught a glimpse of the Milky Way, naming the constellations the way her dad used to do with her and Max on clear summer nights just like this.

She missed all the tiny beautiful moments that made up the love she shared with her family. Living without it as a constant reminder every day left her feeling hollow. It may not have been the healthiest coping mechanism, but the only things that made her feel whole again were weed and random makeout sessions. Maeven couldn’t just bury herself in her clubs and projects the way she used to. Of course, she still went on regular hiking trips to sketch the flora and fauna of California and find more animal bones, but it just wasn’t doing the trick, anymore.

Occasionally, Maeven would get this feeling whenever she was sad, scared, or worried, that made her feel like gravity no longer applied to her body and that she was being pulled away from the safety of the planet and drifting off into the abyss. It worsened when her parents started fighting, and only grew and grew after their divorce. But the night she finally lit up one of Madison’s legendary blunts, she finally felt safe in her own head, her own body for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

As she inhaled another hit from the blunt, Maeven sunk back into the lounge chair. The warm bliss delightfully fogged up her senses and grounded her to the earth. Everything felt so warm and fluffy, and it still tasted like Heaven despite the grassy, sour flavor of the weed. She giggled to herself.

“Maybe space isn’t so big and scary, after all,” the voice said to her. Maeven silently agreed. It was nice when they found neutral ground even if those times were hard to come by. She furrowed her eyebrows in curiosity and found herself raising her hand.

“What if we could touch it? It’s worth a try.”

Her eyesight blurred the bright constellations and clusters in the sky, almost the same way a blob in a lava lamp would. She wanted to dip her fingers into the Milky Way and use it to paint. But alas, she could only do that once she inquired Madison for some psychedelics. So, Maeven settled for tracing the patterns amongst the stars. Some were the real kind her dad showed to her and Max one night last summer. The others popped into her head with no warning or prompt as her mind wondered if there was more hidden between all the lines that the ancient astronomers already charted.

“Hey there, Iron Maeve-”

Startled by Billy’s sudden appearance, Maeven’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest as she tumbled off the lounge chair.

“AAAH! What the fuck, man?!” she exclaimed, brushing her hair out of her face as she put her half-finished blunt in the ashtray. “You can’t just sneak up on somebody like that!”

“Awww. Are you scared of me, Mayfield?” Billy fake-pouted as he mocked her, leaning down to face her with his hands on his knees. Maeven gracelessly pulled herself back to her feet as she snarled back at him.

“I don’t know. Should I be?”

“. . .maybe,” Billy answered. He honestly had no clue. That all depended on her and how the rest of the night went. Maeven looked him up and down. She wasn’t sure if it was just her or the effects of the weed, but, Goddamnit, was he better looking up close.

“Eh, I think I can handle it.” she shrugged, taking her joint from the ashtray before walking over to the bar by the pool to raid the snacks, thinking the conversation had ended. Billy trailed behind her, observing and sizing her up like a predator as she foraged around the table for leftovers.

“You seem awfully confident for someone getting high at a party alone,” he noticed aloud. By then, Maeven had grabbed the last piece of large, double chocolate cake and ate it shamelessly. Whenever she had the munchies, chocolate was always her go-to snack. As she gulped down another bite, her eyes threateningly narrowed, gently pressing the sharp end of her silver fork right below Billy’s collarbone. Now, he was the one a little bit afraid.

“Do I come over to you while you’re having fun with your keg boys and shame you for the way you choose to party?” she blankly asked, playfully tapping it each time she emphasized her words.

“No?” he laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood while his breath hitched in his throat. God, this girl really was a fucking unreadable freak. But maybe Billy liked that. He wasn’t completely sure, yet.

“Yeah, well, I’d appreciate it if you did the same,” Maeven pulled her fork back, returning to her slice of cake as if what just happened didn’t at all.

Billy relaxed once he no longer felt the metal against his skin, letting the air back into his lungs. Although he knew he could’ve smacked her hand away at any time, he didn’t want to. He enjoyed the thrill in his body he got from her empty threats. It all felt so dangerous, so hot; maybe he had finally met his match.

“Now that that’s established, will you at least let me introduce myself?” Billy asked as if he was doing her a kindness by waiting for her permission.

“Alright, then, Pretty Boy. What’s your name?” Maeven laughed as she shrugged, taking a seat at the pool bar.

“It’s Billy. Billy Hargrove,” he answered, holding out his hand for her to shake as he sat on the bar stool next to hers.

She hesitated before cautiously reaching for his hand as she tilted her head to the side, her brain still foggy and warm from her buzz. A gasp caught in her throat as Billy tugged on her wrist to brush a soft kiss against the back of her hand, followed by his trademark smile and sly wink. His sudden forwardness sent an electric shock through Maeven’s bones and tickled her spine. Again, was this guy actually coming on to her, or was she too under the influence of Madison’s blunt that reality began to blend with her mind? She hadn’t been properly asked out on a date since Jordan broke up with her.

It took a moment for both her body and mind to catch up when Maeven realized she had been too silent and too still for too long. She still had a role to play. If she jumped in too fast and this guy turned out too good to be true, she’d regret it later. Re-masking herself, she playfully wiped the back of her hand on her dress, faking repulsion before she continued.

“Margaret. I mean Maeven. Mayfield,” she stumbled on her words, her hands moving in many different directions as she talked.. “Well, 'Margaret' is my first name, but I go by my middle name because I'm named after my aunt and two Maggies are confusing. So, I go by 'Maeven.' 'Mayfield' is my last name,”

“Yeah. I know who you are, Iron Maeven,” Billy chuckled.

“Oh. . .okay. . .” she awkwardly trailed off at the sound of her other nickname, going back to her slice of cake as her mind wandered. She didn’t hate the name. On the contrary, it was actually quite an improvement after years of being called a nerd or teacher’s pet. However, it originated from her breakup with Jordan. Every time it was used, she couldn’t help but be haunted by the awful memories that day left her with.

Billy noticed Maeven’s face drop when he used it, Maybe she didn’t like being called that? He didn’t understand why. It was good; it was badass. She always seemed to like it when people called her that when she got into a fight or scored a goal in soccer.

“How’d you get a name like ‘Maeven’ anyway?” he commented, just now realizing that he didn’t really know her; he just knew the version of herself she presented to the world. Billy wanted to know Maeven; her secrets, the parts of her no one else knew about. He had to know exactly why just the thought of her was driving him insane.

“‘Makes it sound like you’re some. . .mythical creature, or whatever the fuck. . .” he trailed off, catching her attention with just a few weird words.

The last hit she took was a while ago, but Maeven could’ve sworn the world had suddenly gone crazy. Never in her wildest dreams could she imagine a jock like Billy using the term ‘mythical creature.’ But she rolled with it. Her mind could never really stay on topic for too long, anyway.

“My dad picked it, initially. It kinda. . .has multiple meanings for both him and my mom,” she told him, grabbing the blunt that rested on her plate. She felt she was going to need it if she was going to survive a long conversation with a jock that hopefully didn’t end in a fight. . .this time.

“Oh, really? Care to explain?”

Maeven inhaled, tilting her head up to the sky as she breathed out the cannabis through her nose and mouth. As she opened her eyes, the stars in the sky brightened up like a black light poster amidst her cannabis and chocolate-drunk vision. Her hand tilted to the side, offering the blunt to Billy, which he accepted gratefully.

“My dad was raised Celtic Pagan and my mom’s Scottish Catholic. In the bible, in Hebrew, it means ‘one who understands.’ But in Irish Gaelic, it means ‘sage.’ Which, of course, means the plant, but it also means someone who is a spiritual expert or just very smart in general. And. . .” she trailed off, taking a few seconds to get her train of thought back to its main rail. “. . .it comes from the Gaelic word ‘Meave,’ meaning ‘she who rules,’ or ‘intoxicating.’ In Irish Mythology, Mebh is the Goddess of Love and Desire.”

It took her a while until Maeven realized it was completely silent. Did he leave? She turned her head to the side where Billy was, still sitting as his face twisted to a half-confused, half-curious combo. By now, he had taken another hit. Maeven felt her cheeks light up once it dawned on her that this jock probably didn’t want to listen to her ramble, and the voice crept back in behind her.

“Oh, shit. Oh, shit. You talked too much. He even had to take another hit to process all your stupid and insane words. That’s it. This is the end of your social life, Maeven. Get ready, because this guy is about to ruin everything once another rumor starts. You should just kill yourself. Right here, right now. You can use the fork! Go on! Do it!”

Once her brain was no longer attacking itself, she broke the silence.

“Sorry. I’m a bit talkative when I get high. I’ll shut up now.” she fake-laughed, turning away to shove the last few bites of cake in her mouth as if it would finally keep her from talking.

Billy laughed, knowing too well that she was talkative even when she wasn’t high. It wasn’t exactly a secret amongst the other kids in their grade that she was the one who participated the most. 

“Holy shit, Mayfield,” he coughed out. “I didn’t ask for a lecture.”

“Really? That’s your takeaway?” Maeven laughed.

“No offense, but that's. . .a lot of information to process in 30 seconds, dollface.” he joked, unsure if it would be a compliment or an insult in her eyes. She just smiled as she rolled her eyes, leaning over to give him a playful shove.

“You signed up for this, Billy. You asked me about my name and I delivered, didn’t I?” Maeven pointed out, swiping back her joint and taking another hit.

“That you did. It’s definitely a lot better than ‘Margaret,’ that’s for sure,” he observed, not bothering to hide the way he was looking her up and down, anymore. It was a good name; it suited her.

“So. . .I was right, then?” he asked.

Maeven rapidly blinked, bringing herself back from zoning out before taking a sip from her bottle of coke.

“About what?”

“About you being a mythical creature,” Billy clarified. “I feel like you just pitched me a fantasy movie or the back cover of that Tocain book or some shit.”

Maeven narrowed her eyes and tilted her head as she almost choked on her soda. She definitely couldn’t recall seeing that name in the Dewey decimal system or any of her English classes.

“What the fuck’s a ‘tocain?’”

“Y’know, that. . .the guy that. . .wrote the books about magic rings and shit. . .”

It took a moment for the gears to turn in Maeven’s head before she finally connected the dots. She couldn’t help but start laughing.

“Oh, my God. . .are you trying to say ‘Tolkien?’”

“Don’t patronize me, Mayfield! I’m not the fucking nerd, here!”

Maeven started laughing harder, holding her head in her hands as she balanced herself with her elbows on the counter.

“Oh, please! If anyone’s a nerd, it’s the guy who doesn’t know how to pronounce the name of one of the most popular writers of our generation!”

Billy would’ve been offended if anyone else had said that to him. But for some reason, it was different with Maeven. Maybe it was because of how endearing and contagious her laugh was.

“I’m not a nerd, you little freak!” he audaciously chuckled as he jokingly shoved her shoulder, not caring who might be listening for once. “Everyone wants to fuck me ‘cause I know nothing about this Tolkein dude you’re so obsessed with!”

“And yet, I’m the one with the slutty reputation?” Maeven pointed at herself, finally getting a chance to catch her breath as she rubbed the tears of laughter from her eyes.

“There’s just no winning with you, is there, Maeven?” Billy rolled his eyes.

“Oh? I’m sorry. I didn’t realize we were playing,” she laughed, letting gravity take over her body as she melted off the chair and onto the ground. Her legs felt like jelly. At this point in her high, Maeven couldn’t find it in herself to care. Billy, however, practically jumped from his bar stool to grab her arm.

“Woah there, hey. You doing okay?” he asked, not noticing until now how fast his heartbeat was racing. The last time he saw a woman fall like that, it was his mother. Neil had gotten her way too drunk, resulting in her slipping out of her chair and leaving her with her head bleeding on the kitchen tile.

But Maeven wasn’t passed out and bleeding. She was fine, just drunk. Or high? At this point, Billy was certain it was both. She may have fallen to her knees on the stone flooring, but she didn’t seem too upset about it. She was giggling, and her skin was warm. She was fine; everything was fine. Billy needed to remind himself of that.

“You wanna go lie down or something?”

Maeven softly nodded, leaning against the pole of the pavilion covering the pool bar. She spread her legs apart to keep herself balanced in her black leather boots, drowsily grabbing onto the pole like she was hugging it, catching her breath.

Billy almost let his intrusive thoughts win but resisted the urge to grab her butt. Even if she looked a bit ridiculous right now, accidentally displaying herself like she was ready to be taken from behind, she was drunk. Billy was just glad he was here with her instead of some other dirtbag guy who would’ve probably taken what he wanted from her while she was drunk.

For what was probably the first time ever, Billy ignored the primal instincts to seek sex from this girl. She deserved better than that. He approached her slowly, putting a hand on her shoulder just to let her know he was there. Before he could lead her back to the lounge chair where he originally found her, Maeven stumbled back to the bar to grab her blunt from the edge of her now-empty plate.

Rolling his eyes at her vivacious nature, Billy made sure she had regained her balance before leading her by her wrist.

“Get that pretty ass back in that chair before you hurt yourself, you little animal,” he impishly asserted, prepared to have her lean on him in support if she needed. Surprisingly, Maeven didn’t waste a second flopping back down into the longue chair as if her body melted.

“No arguments here,” she groaned, unpromptedly stretching her body; she stretched her back by keeping her shoulder on the chair and shamelessly lifting her hips up as far as they could go. She also couldn’t deny the fluttering feeling in her stomach at the word ‘pretty.’

Did she seriously not notice how lewd she was being right now? Maybe the weed gave her the extra courage? Billy couldn’t tell anymore. All he could really do was lay down in the chair next to her, cross his legs, and try to conceal how aroused she was making him.

“Isn’t sage that weird plant that witches use in potions or some shit like that?” he asked, suddenly remembering one of the many meanings of her name. If only he could remember math equations this easily, maybe Neil would finally get off his ass about it.

It was quiet for a moment. Maeven had to silently process Billy’s question as she continued to zone out looking at the night sky.

“What? Oh. No. We burn it. For cleansing rituals and to clear the air,” she clarified.

“Like weed?” he questioned, tilting his head to the side. Maeven rolled her eyes as she scoffed.

“No, dipshit. Not like weed,” she laughed, thinking of the right way to explain this to him without sounding like a total freak. “ More just. . .like, to smell good. Like a candle. You can’t get high off it. . .or maybe you can? I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it,” Maeven wondered aloud. Maybe that was something she and Madison could try experimenting with. Would that even work? Either way, there was only one way to find out.

Billy, meanwhile, didn’t feel like he got a definitive answer.  She already seemed pretty damn magical.“So. . .you are a witch?”

Maeven just shrugged, taking another hit of her blunt.

“That’s what people are saying,” she replied, offering her blunt to Billy, which he willingly accepted. This was her favorite aspect of these parties; playing with her food. But tonight, she didn’t want to stop. Maeven couldn’t remember the last time she had such a casual conversation with someone. Even if she was always on edge and suspicious of the guys she met at parties, Billy was the first one in a while that didn’t seem. . .malicious.

“They’re saying other things, y’know?” he breathed out, recalling the many rumors he heard through the Newport High Grapevine. He turned his head to Maeven, handing her blunt back to her as he eyed her up and down “That you go around seducing guys with your magic touch and mysterious powers.”

There it was. Maybe she had gotten her hopes up about this guy too quickly.

Maeven tilted her head to the side and playfully raised her eyebrows, still refusing to give him a definitive answer.“I can neither confirm nor deny any of these rumors, Billy.”

“They also say that you beat the shit out of Jordan Bernard last year. He still denies it to this day,” he mentioned, remembering the day everyone in the locker room teased Jordan for his black eye.

Maeven’s eyes widened as she fought herself from laughing. She knew that their breakup wasn’t exactly a secret, but to say she ‘beat the shit out of him’ was a little much. However, she was pleasantly surprised that Billy seemed to drop the subject once she refused to answer his questions about her. . .body count.

“Oh, no. That’s definitely true,” she laughed, not seeing the point in being in denying any more questions. “I have the burn to prove it.”

“Burn?” Billy cocked his head to the side in confusion.

Maeven tilted her arm and rolled her short sleeve up her arm to expose her shoulder, leaning in to give Billy a closer look. Even if it was coming close to a year of healing, it was still noticeable. The burn mark was about the size of a baseball, maybe even the size of his fist. It was way pinker than the rest of her skin, but it was recovering fairly well; freckles had even started to come back.

“Asshole thought it was a good idea to throw a log from his fire pit at me,” Maeven explained.

When he was younger, Neil often threatened to put out his cigars on his son’s skin. His mother always ended up taking it in his place.  Billy had lost count of how many times his Dad left lash marks from his belt on his back, but he had yet to experience a burn. He was hoping it would stay that way. But he had never met someone else who also had evidence on their body like that until now.

“Shit,” he laughed in disbelief. “Bet you gave his ass the beating it deserved, right?”

Maeven looked back at Billy, noticing the supposed fascination his eyes held, before looking back at her scar. Billy Hargrove was the first boy she met who wasn’t repulsed by the mark when she let it show. He really was full of surprises. She pulled her sleeve back down before getting comfortable in the longue chair again, turning her attention back to the night sky as she continued the conversation.

“I don’t know about that,” Maeven sighed. “It was really just a. . .’heat-of-the-moment’ rash impulse I didn’t think through. I guess I was just. . .mad at him,” she shrugged, tracing the constellations with her fingers again.

“As you should be,” Billy agreed. He had yet to be cheated on. If he was anything like his father, he would be the first one to cheat. He prayed he wouldn’t end up like him, but the whole concept always lingered in his head.

“We both said and did some things that day we regret. But. . .he does seem really sorry, y’know? That he hurt me like that,” Maeven observed, turning to lay down her head toward Billy. She hadn’t had a real conversation with Jordan since their breakup; she didn’t know what to say to him. Every time she tried, nothing came out. All Jordan had to say was how sorry he was and she was sick of it. The memory haunted her every day when they crossed paths in the hallway at school

“You thinking about forgiving him?” he asked her, more curious than anything. Still, he crossed his fingers and hoped she wouldn’t. She was too good for Jordan Bernard, anyway.

“Kinda? Sorta? I dunno,” Maeven shrugged, moving around in the longue so that she was curled up on her side, now fully facing Billy before taking another hit. “Maybe he just feels guilty? Is that really the same thing as being sorry?”

“I don’t think so. Guilt isn’t the same as remorse,” he replied.

Billy Hargrove witnessed the difference between the two in his own parents. His Dad wasn’t sorry that he cheated; he was sorry that he was caught. If he was really sorry, he wouldn’t have cheated, punched, and driven his mother away in the first place.

“I’d forget about him if I were you. Cheaters are the worst. They don’t deserve to be forgiven. . .they don’t deserve love,” he said suddenly, taking Maeven by surprise. She wondered what happened to make Billy so passionate about this, handing out her blunt once more as her way of saying ‘Chill Out, Dude.’

“If I’m being honest?” she trailed off, her buzz making the stars brighter and more mesmerizing than they were before.“Even if I did forgive him, I wouldn’t wanna get back together with him. Not a chance.”

Billy took that as a good sign for himself. He swiped away her blunt from between her fingers for another hit. Maeven didn’t even flinch, too high and too talkative to notice; in her own little world.

“He’s a bit of a douche, anyway. Even if he has changed, you shouldn’t waste your time on him.”

“Don’t get me wrong. I had a good time with him and he, uhmm. . .he taught me a lot. But he’s just. . .not my person.”

All Maeven wanted was to not feel terrible every time she saw him again. Maybe they could even go back to being friends again. Was that really too much to ask?

“Well. . .you’re a pretty interesting person, Iron Maeven. I’m sure you’ll find someone good enough for you.”

“My aunt Maggie said being interesting is all you really need in life.”

Billy always wondered if she was just so self-centered that she liked to hear the sound of her own voice. But watching how she froze up in embarrassment once she realized she was rambling about her name gave Billy a new perspective. Maeven Mayfield had so much going on in her head. She had no choice but to talk until it was no longer crowded in there.

“She’s not wrong,” he laughed along with her as her high was clearly starting to grow to its peak. Billy had to admit that the way she giggled was downright adorable. Seeing the infamous Iron Maeven zone out from her joint was a sight he never thought he’d see, much less enjoy. In all honesty, all the things he found annoying about her suddenly turned adorable.

There was something about Maeven’s voice that suddenly made him want to keep on listening to her ramble. He suddenly realized that her voice sounded so much better when she was high. Melodic and Beautiful.

“When you do find the right person, make sure to hold them real tight and never let them go. You got that?” He was surprised he held her attention for this long with her being so easily distracted. It felt almost like he had hypnotized her or something. Or maybe she was the one who hypnotized him.

Billy became absolutely obsessed with the way she was looking at him, unsure if it was from the high or something else. He had completely forgotten all about the stars at that moment. Maybe she was some sort of mythical creature after all. He was almost mesmerized by it. He hadn’t ever been this distracted by someone before. “Okay. I promise.”

. . .

By the time the sisters had finished unpacking all of Maeven’s books, the sun was now setting over the western horizon. The girls stretched as they stepped out of her room and made their way to the bathroom to brush their teeth.

“Thanks for helping me unpack Squirt,” Maeven said after spitting out her toothpaste and rinsing her mouth. “We can start yours tomorrow,” she promised, patting Max on her head. As she yawned and rubbed her eyes walking out of the bathroom, her little sister pulled her arm to stop her.

“By the way, here’s your night light,” she said, handing her big sister a bundled-up bath towel. “It was in the trash in the bathroom.”

Maeven took the towel from Max, unwrapping it to find her beloved token from her childhood now shattered to bits. It was in the shape of the sun surrounded by a couple of clouds. Susan and Neil made it together when they first found out they were pregnant with Maeven.

“What?” she asked allowed. It didn’t make any sense. Even if she was sleepwalking, why would she throw it away?

“That’s where I found it,” Max clarified, just as confused as her sister. “Did you sleepwalk again last night?” she asked.

Maeven debated on lying, but that wouldn’t help anything. Max would eventually find out, anyway, if she did.

“Yeah. I blacked out,” she softly admitted, trying to hold back her tears. 

Max said nothing back, only walking forward to wrap her sister in a hug. No words were needed to describe how either of them felt about the situation.

“G’Night, Sis.”

“Goodnight, Max.”

As she watched her little sister turn the corner of the hallway to her room, Maeven’s smile dropped before she walked back into her room and shut the door behind her. She collapsed backward onto her bed with a bounce and stared blankly up at the ceiling as her heartbeat quickened.

“Fuck,” she breathed out, shaky and laced with panic. 

Maeven silently cursed herself for leaving Nutmeg behind so easily. Whenever she felt herself panicking at home, she would immediately come sprinting over from whatever room she was in to crawl into her lap. She’d often stand on her hind legs and lean herself into her person’s chest. The sense of deep pressure she applied usually calmed her down. She was their kitty, both to Maeven and Max. Every night as they went to bed, Nutmeg would curl up on top of the blankets with either of the sisters.

Max was insistent that she was safer with Dad in California. The incident where Billy nearly caused a fire after he burnt a stray cat’s corpse played a big factor in that decision. Maeven didn’t blame her in the least. She would be lying if she said witnessing Billy showing no remorse as he set the decaying dead body aflame didn’t put her on edge. Most importantly, Nutmeg would be safe from her.

“You can’t be trusted with another life, anyway. You should call that woman from the store and tell her you’re too insane to watch her son.”

Maeven abruptly sat up, her legs shaking as her toes curled in a rapid wave of spine-chilling, fear-fueled pain. She pressed the heel of her palms against her ears in an attempt to drown out how loud the world became all of a sudden. Her sharp nails sat atop her head and pulled at the roots of her hair, threatening to dig them into her scalp as they pulsed with a terrifying bloodlust to tear into her flesh; maybe if she could do it, she could finally stop overthinking.

“Please. . .don’t ruin this for me,” she begged the dark voice.

“I don’t need to. You’ll ruin it all by yourself,” it laughed at her.

Maeven slapped her own cheek to silence it, even if just for a minute. As she found her bearings and looked around her room, her eye caught the now-shattered night light atop her desk. She could faintly identify splatters of dried blood; an explanation for her bandaged palm.

“Billy was right. You did throw it away,” the voice said as it returned to her side.

“Yeah. . .I guess I did,” Maeven still hesitated, even if the evidence was right in front of her face. It was so hard to look at it. She thought she was getting better. Billy wasn’t lying. He wouldn’t do that. She really did black out and sleepwalk last night. And that only meant one thing; she was getting bad again.

“Too bad it’s broken. Just like you.”

“No, I’m not,” she shook her head, reaching for her water bottle on her table and gulping down half of the sugary strawberry-flavored water that Billy mixed for her. It had more to do with the act somehow calming her anxiety than it did with being thirsty.

“Yeah. . .you just keep telling yourself that.”

Maeven groaned in annoyance as she flopped down aggressively onto her bed. Underneath the soft glow of the Indiana sun, she curiously examined her own hands the way a newborn would. As she fiddled around, running her fingers over the calluses and scratches and weaving her digits together, she didn’t feel like a person at that moment. She sinks down into her mattress as she starts feeling numb. It was as if nothing else existed outside her room painted in the soft glow of the sun.

Maeven eyed her nails, growing just barely past her fingertips. She liked to file them down to make them pointed and sharp, like an animal’s claws. It was another one of those little things that helped her feel safer. She also made sure never to let them grow too long, lest she end up hurting herself when rubbing out an orgasm. The other downside was when she would clench her fists in frustration or anxiety, they would literally cut into the palms of her hands. Having people ask why she was wearing bandages on her palms was an incredibly awkward conversation.

She liked to imagine what it would be like to use claws. She often pictured herself using her sharp nails to cut into herself; to reach deep inside her body, turn herself inside out, and become something else. Something better. It didn’t matter what she would find in there. All that mattered to Maeven was that she was no longer herself, and life would suddenly be so much easier. She wouldn’t mind being a monster, even; anything to be relieved from the pain she endured from just existing, from being human.

This feeling wasn’t new. It started in childhood and only grew the more she ignored it. And this feeling only grew in the last nine months. She wouldn’t admit this to herself, but it made her feel good. The foreboding need to brutally destroy those who hurt her made the pain disappear, even if only for a moment. At the same time, she was scared; she was terrified of losing her mind even further than she already did, and what exactly that meant for her in the not-so-distant future.

As Maeven’s breath started to quicken, she could feel her body getting warmer; it began as a soft flame below her belly, slowly heating up her body so deliciously. It made her squeeze her thighs together for relief, as she curled up on her side and began rolling her hips. The warmth manifested from her womb and spread like wildfire blissfully throughout her torso and limbs. 

On instinct, as if her body was being controlled, Maeven crawled underneath her covers in a blissful haze. Peaking her head out to feel the chilling breeze from the open window, she grabbed her extra pillow from the other side of the bed and shoved it in between her legs as she squeezed it with her plush thighs. The way the skin of her inner legs stuck and touched together always bothered her, but she couldn’t properly say why.

It was a weird occurrence, as she felt as relaxed and dazed whenever she smoked a joint before bed. But she hadn’t even gotten the chance to do it, yet. Maybe she was just tired. That was it. Between checking out her new school, meeting some of her new classmates, having to check in with the Chief of Police, and being berated by her mom at the store, Maeven had a busy day. Then again, if her body was winding down naturally without the extra assistance of drugs, recreational or otherwise, who was she to complain? 

She closed her eyes and willed her brain to sleep, afraid her busy mind would blink it way if she didn’t. After a few moments of fidgeting as she curled up like an animal underneath the oasis of comfort and warmth of her blankets, Maeven’s mind finally allowed her body to lose all feeling and sink deeper into her mattress without a care in the world; slowly, and then all at once. Everything was warm and quiet for her first few minutes of rest, the dark nothingness cradling her in it’s embrace. More often than she’d like to admit, she found herself never wanting to wake up. It was just something to add to the list of things to tell the school counselor. Said list was locked away in her head, and seemed to get longer and longer each day.

“Go on. Do it. You deserve it,” the voice came up from behind her, now turning sultry and inviting. Maeven felt a familiar pulse of arousal between her legs as her cheeks tinted red.

“Mmm-hmm. . .” she whined, subconsciously burying her face into the sheets as she rolled her body to lay on her stomach with her hips elevated by the extra pillow between her legs. She preferred having Oscar the Otter, her favorite toy to “play” with, as opposed to a pillow. But Oscar was still in a box and Maeven's body was so comfortably numb. The pillow would have to do for the night.

“That’s right. Get into your favorite position, you little nympho,” it continued to encourage her.

The feeling of the blankets on Maeven’s bare, sensitive flesh imitated the feeling of a warm hug from behind her from what she could only describe as a monster. It was something she could never tell if it was really there or not; another frustrating side effect of her damaged psyche. But this was one of the only times she welcomed the voice with open arms. 

It wasn’t scary during the intimate moments she shared with herself in the dark of her room. It became seductive and comforting; something that she never really understood, but always relied on at the end of a long, hard day. And when she was asleep, she found that having orgasms came to her easier.  Her record was having five different orgasms throughout the night wash over her with little to no effort.

“So. . .that guy you and Billy met, today? Steve?” the voice reminded Maeven, who felt its looming, heavy presence press its weight against her back.

“Yes?” she suddenly gasped

“He was pretty cute, right?” it purred in her ear, “Tall. I bet he has soft hands. The guy looks like he takes care of himself.”

Steve reminded Maeven of Jordan Bernard before he turned on her; sassy and confident, while also somehow being awkward and shy depending on the day. She noticed the two boys even shared the same eye color. Her hips began slowly grinding against her pillow.

“He was asking you all kinds of questions. He’s totally into you,” the voice teased her, but Maeven wasn’t so easily persuaded tonight. Nancy was also very pretty. Too pretty not to notice. She didn’t have bags under her eyes or bite her lips to the point of bleeding. A girl like Nancy was perfect for a guy like Steve, unlike Maeven.

“It doesn’t matter. He has a girlfriend. And even if he didn’t, he still wouldn’t fuck me,” she said, verbally fighting off the beast’s words before it spoke again.

“You don’t know that,” it argued, not willing to drop it and determined to get Maeven warmer and wetter. “He probably would if you gave him the chance.”

Maeven would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking about Steve roughly taking her against the locker-lined halls of Hawkins High School. The beast on her back constantly reminded her for the rest of the tour.

“Billy would get too jealous,” she ventured a guess. He tended to be possessive, the reason behind all the bites and bruises she accumulated after they started dating.

“Don’t be so sure, Maeven. You two have fucked around with other people before. You like being passed around, don’t you?”

Maeven quivered at the mere idea of being used as a toy, rolling her hips faster against her pillow and adding fuel to the fire soaking beneath the thin cotton of her underwear. There must’ve been something seriously wrong with her to be into having her body used like that, especially after everything she went through. But that didn’t stop her from fantasizing about it.

“Aw. . .fuck. . .” Maeven gasped out as she rolled her hips, the blood rushing down and sending ever-building waves of pleasure to her clit.

“What about that other guy you saw today? The one coming out of detention?”

“The guy who sells drugs behind the school?” Her breathing was heavy now, whining in frustration as she attempted to visualize. It did have a point; that Munson guy, she thinks that’s right, was pretty fucking gorgeous. Anyone who would dare to say otherwise was dead wrong.

“Yeah. That guy’s definitely into some kinky shit. He had a pair of handcuffs for a belt.”

“He’s a metalhead. It’s part of the fashion.”

“Maybe. But did you see that black bandana in his pocket?”

“Either way, I think he’d definitely be into tying you up,” The beast laughed wickedly, seductively, bringing her deeper into her fantasy and sending her body on autopilot as her brain continued to drift. Again, this was something she absolutely shouldn’t get drenched from. She was disgusted with herself that her mind and body ached for the things she should be afraid of. Nevertheless, she leaned into it; she always did.

“Oh, God, fuck. That’s it. . .that’s it,” she whined out, finally able to paint the perfect picture in her head as she continued shamelessly grinding her clit against her pillow.

“I bet if you let him hit you raw, he’d give you free weed.”

. . .

!*!*!

It had been about an hour since Billy had refilled Maeven’s water bottle. And if he planned the timing and the dosage correctly, which he always did, she should be under her covers humping a pillow or a stuffed animal by now. He wouldn’t dare make the same mistake twice. To be fair, he didn’t think he’d still be doing this almost a year after he first thought of it. Now, it had just become a part of his normal routine. 

Of course, it was no secret that Maeven Mayfield was a horny little spazz. Hell, Billy was living evidence of that; they both wore the bruises and love bites to prove it. But if he thought she was spastic without these drugs mixed into her drinks, he was in for the ride of his life. And this wasn’t just for his benefit. It was for Maeven’s, too.

Maeven didn’t always know what was best for her. As much as she loved making precise plans and carefully following lists of steps, she was equally impulsive and stubborn. In the months following what happened to her last New Year’s, it was like she was a completely different person; angry, self-loathing, irrational. And Billy knew he was partially to blame for that. He over-indulged and enabled her during those months. 

It was fun at first. He thought taking her out to parties and encouraging her reckless behavior helped her grieve what she lost that night. He now knew that if he enabled her any further, it would most likely end in her death. Billy was just glad he was able to stop her and that she got the proper professional help she needed before it was too late.

Who knows? Maybe if he had measured the dose correctly that night, none of this would have happened. Billy wouldn’t have had to put her back together again. He wouldn’t have to slip drugs into her water multiple times a week just to keep her calm. She wouldn’t be a shell of her former self. They would still be in California. Maeven would still be on the honor roll and not expelled. She wouldn’t have to repeat her Junior Year. 

Would his dad and her mom still have gotten married? Maybe if those guys hadn’t been so rough with her, Jordan would still be alive. Maeven wouldn’t have to live with the extreme guilt he knew haunted her every day. She wouldn’t be crippled by the pain of her injuries. But none of that mattered now, anyway. At least one silver lining came out of that horrible night; it brought Billy and Maeven together again, and closer than they had ever been.

As he approached her bedroom, he could already hear her hushed gasps for air and needy whines. Silently pushing the door open, Billy palmed himself through his sweatpants in anticipation. Just as he had planned, Maeven was already under her comforter, blissfully unaware of her surroundings as she ground her hips against her extra pillow. He loved it when he was right.

. . .

In her mind’s eye, Maeven was back in Hawkins High School, being carried like a freshly hunted animal. Steve was holding her wrists so tightly in his grasp that they hurt. Munson held her ankles together as they both carried her down the hallway. Maeven twisted and struggled her body in protest with all the strength she could gather from within, but their hold never loosened. Walking backward, Steve opened the lever handle on the door to the Janitor’s closet with his elbow. Once they were all inside, the boys let the door slam shut. They were planning on letting it stay that way for a while.

Steve was now holding Maeven’s wrists together with just one hand, sliding the other down her body to grope at her breasts through her sweater. She liked to imagine that Steve had strong hands like Billy’s, but possibly had softer palms than him. Nothing about Steve Harrington was threatening. He was definitely intimidating in terms of his size and muscle mass, but his eyes held a sense of vulnerability and tenderness. He’d never touch a girl in anger, unlike others. She could tell.

“What do you think she’s hiding underneath all those layers, Harrington?” Munson laughed, tugging at Maeven’s long skirt as he continued holding her ankles together.

“Only one way to find out,” Steve slyly replied, pointing to the set of handcuffs weaved through the metalhead’s belt loops. “Gimme those.”

Munson didn’t need to be told twice, immediately dropping Maeven’s ankles and hastily removing his makeshift belt. Seeing an opportunity to fight back, she started clumsily kicking into the air as she tried to catch her balance. Steve then forced her down on her knees onto the cold floor, sending a sharp pain through her legs. He firmly, yet gently, trapped her in his arms, pinning hers to the sides of her torso and not giving her a chance to struggle.

Once Munson successfully removed the cuffs, he playfully swung them around in a circular motion, signaling Steve to bring Maeven over. Her continuing struggle did nothing to draw the boys off course; they were on a mission and nothing could get in their way. Steve picked her up like she weighed nothing, forcing his arms underneath hers to raise them up high. Once they were able to cuff one wrist, Munson through the other end up, looping it over a large pipe above them before cuffing her other wrist.

The cold metal bit at Maeven’s skin, forcing her up so that the tips of her boots were just barely touching the floor. Her raised arms made her sweater ride up her stomach and left her freckle-kissed hips and navel bare to them; a sneak peek of what they were in for. Maeven grunted as she dangled from the ceiling, unable to regain her footing as her face flushed an even darker shade of red if that was even possible. The best she could do to fight this was clench her thighs together.

“There we go. All bound up the way you belong,” Billy’s sultry voice echoed throughout the closet as he emerged from the shadows, sending a shiver down her spine.

. . .

After over a year of knowing someone up close and personally, you tend to pick up on a few things. You start to notice the little things in their behavior that make them who they are. If you pay close enough attention, you notice the physical changes in their body when their mood changes. Whenever Maeven became anxious, her shoulders would tense up as she crossed her arms to hug herself. She would curl into herself and keep her head held low instead of tall and proud the way she used to; these mannerisms had become more common since she was released from that treatment center, to be fair.

Seeing these little changes in her demeanor throughout the day, Billy knew Maeven could benefit from an orgasm or two after a long hard, day; and he wouldn’t mind taking at least one for himself. She had practically been begging for him all day with the way she moved her body as she walked. And she also should’ve known by now that he couldn’t exactly control himself whenever a girl wore fishnets.

Time and time again, she kept proving him to be correct. The drugs Billy slipped into her water bottle may have. . .enhanced Maeven’s libido, but it simply revealed to him what he already knew she kept hidden inside. These days, she was anxious all the time; shaking like a leaf at the smallest things. He was helping her; that’s what he told himself. Eventually, he believed it without question.

Stepping inside Maeven’s bedroom, he shut the door slowly to not wake up Susan or Neil. Leaning his hand on the surface of her desk, he quickly pulled it back at the sharpness piercing his palm. Looking down, Billy recognized the remnants of what he threw away last night; Maeven’s nightlight. It didn’t stay that way, obviously. Damn Maxine. She was too old to still have something like that, anyway. Besides, she didn’t deserve it after defying him last night; those cuts he gave her weren’t enough. He’d deal with it later. This wasn’t what he came for.

Focusing his attention back to the task at hand, Billy tiptoed to Maeven’s bed, spreading his weight out to make sure it wouldn’t creak too loudly. Eyeing her figure under the covers up and down, he gently tugged the comforter to reveal her bare flesh, hot to the touch from her arousal and constant movement. She squeezed the pillow tightly between her legs as she continued to roll her hips, already soaking down the pillowcase and dripping onto the sheets.

Maeven was still in her lucid state, unaware of what was happening in the world outside her dreams. Billy always wondered what sort of dreams she had when she was on the aphrodisiacs. Then again, it didn’t matter. As long as he could take what he needed from her and she was lubed up and submissive enough, he didn’t care what went on in there. Still, Billy wanted to pick her brain; dissect her beautiful, crazed mind, and discover her deepest secrets like an archeologist unearthing a treasure. And each time he slipped another dosage into her water bottle, he came closer and closer to the whole truth.

Positioning himself behind her and pulling her waist into his lap, Billy picked up the pace and guided Maeven to rub her soaking heat away from her wrinkled pillow and against his clothed cock, tenderly massaging her ass. She let out a hushed gasp at the soft sensation of her pillow being replaced with something harder.

. . .

Back inside her head, Maeven shivered in suspense as the boys tore her long skirt off her waist. She stumbled in place as she squeezed her net-covered legs together. Steve came up behind her, one hand squeezing her ass while the other softly danced its fingers along her thigh, attempting to find her ticklish spot and coax her legs open.

“So, what kind of girl hides her legs all day, but wears fishnets?” he laughed in her ear, delivering a sharp slap to her butt, causing her to shriek and flinch away. But Steve held her in place, continuing his torment on the sensitive flesh below her waist.

Munson walked over, helping Steve try and pry her legs open. Maeven let out weak whimpers of protest, quickly turning into whines of desperation when the metalhead forcefully shoved his hand between her thighs. He laughed at the way she somehow got even more hot and bothered by the way he rubbed his ringed fingers against her heatsource covered by the soaked fabric of her panties.

“I knew I saw these, earlier,” he smirked, snapping the fishnet stocking against her thigh before fishing a pocket knife from behind his back.“She’s just a little freak, isn’t she?”

Maeven eyes widened in fear at the sight of the knife, her blood racing as she tried to wriggle from their grasp. Steve shoved his fingers inside her mouth before any more cries could escape.

“You have no idea, Munson,” Billy practically cackled, walking closer to help the boys keep her legs steady as he pulled at the waistband of her black panties before letting it snap.

“C’mon, let’s get these off her. You don’t need them, anyway. Do you, Maeven?” he asked, grabbing her by her cheeks and forcing her to look straight at him.

Swallowing her pride to keep herself safe, Maeven agreed, shaking her head. From the look at that knife, she had no choice. At least she put up a good fight until the end. It was only when she agreed did Steve take away his fingers, causing her to choke and gasp for air as she prepared herself for what was to come.

Munson’s one hand kept her legs steady as he dragged the cold metal across her skin, the mixture of fear and arousal growing as he brought it closer to her heat. He continued to leave her in anticipation, letting her guess when and where he would cut before carefully slicing the net atop her panties. Her heart was beating so fast she felt like it would burst out of her chest as the evidence of her lust dripped onto the blade. This was so wrong. So why did it feel so hot?

Tired of the teasing, Munson slid the knife beneath the drenched fabric, carefully pressing the metal against her wet lips which made her whine and shiver before cutting through the cloth of the crotch and accidentally knicking her thigh.

“Be a good girl and spread your legs, dollface,” Billy purred in her ear, tearing her stockings from her legs with no effort. “I told them what a cute little cunt you have. You don’t wanna disappoint them, do you? So. . .are you gonna be a good girl for us?”

. . .

“Ahhh, fuck, yeah. . .just like that,” Billy moaned out, grabbing Maeven’s hips tighter as she matched his pace on her own. He bit his lip to keep his volume down as his cock twitched beneath his thin sweatpants, reacting to her needy pussy already soaking through her panties.

Whatever was happening in Maeven’s dream must’ve been hot, because the way she was writhing against Billy made him wonder if he was the one dreaming. It didn’t matter how many times they had fucked beforehand; every new time was better than the last. Her body always left him crawling back and wanting her again and again. 

There were many good things about this girl, but Billy still couldn’t figure out what it was. Maybe she really was a witch who lured guys to her bed, and he was just really lucky that she decided he was worth keeping. Even when she called it off, she didn’t mean it. He knew that she didn’t. Did she? His memory was fuzzy. Regardless, Billy got what he wanted, what he craved, needed; Maeven by his side. Maeven Mayfield was much more addictive than any cigarette, drink or drug Billy Hargrove could ever find and he never wanted to sober up.

Tired of teasing both her and himself, he roughly tugged her hips to meet his, always mesmerized how her needy little pussy swallowed his fingers. She now lay flat on her mattress, her back arched as she buried her face in the pillow she was previously writhing against, too powerless to stop his love-drunk-disguised assault.

. . .

Maeven said nothing as Billy held her face tightly in his hand, the adrenaline in her body and the intense anticipation causing her eyes to water. She silently nodded with a look in her eyes that told Billy, “I’ll be Good.”

Steve wasted no time using his now saliva-soaked fingers to test the waters, experimentally massaging the lips of her pussy perfectly framed by soft ginger fuzz. Maeven imagined that he’d take his time warming up a girl, passionate and gentle like he was; taking his time to learn about his partner’s body instead of just diving head-first into the deep end like other guys.

“Nancy’s one lucky girl. . .” Maeven’s inner voice echoing inside her head.

“Holy. . .shit. . .” Steve quietly exclaimed, pleasantly surprised that she did his job for him. She didn’t need any warming up

Munson roughly nudged Harrington to the sidelines like an excited kid cutting the line to get the first pick of the candy bowl on Halloween, aggressively spreading Maeven’s legs. He hooked her left one back to wrap around his hips. She was definitely more flexible than she appeared. Munson snaked his hand around her and cruelly trailed from her navel down to her pelvis, eager to finally discover her nooks and crannies.

“What the fuck? She’s already soaking wet!” he laughed in disbelief.

Maeven shrieked again at the contrast from the cold metal of his rings against her painfully desperate pussy. She could see Munson being a generous lover; something about his abundant amount of energy allowed her to picture him reducing a girl, or maybe another guy, to tears with his aggressive tongue and hands.

“Yeah, that’s the thing about little Maeven, here; she’s always turned on,” Billy growled in her ear, watching eagerly as the bound girl’s whines and moans became more frequent. He could watch her fall apart forever. Munson kept relentlessly thrusting his fingers in and out of Maeven’s aching heat-source as he teased her clit with his other hand. 

“Always waiting for her pussy to be filled like the greedy little whore she is,” Billy finished.

. . .

Maeven could feel herself getting closer and closer to the edge of ecstasy when her heart suddenly dropped into her stomach. The mystery presence she usually seeked comfort in had twisted into something sinister that aggressively trapped her body in it’s invisible grip, crushing her underneath it’s weight. It felt so familiar, but also so. . .foreign. 

This wasn’t right.

What was this feeling? Why did Maeven recognize it? What was happening to her body? Why couldn’t she stop herself? Why couldn’t she move anymore?

The heavy breathing and moans against the back of her neck accompanied with the hot weight on top of her was enough to bring her somewhat out of her haze. If it were possible for her heart to drop any deeper, it would’ve, because she knew that musky scent.

“Billy?” she gasped out, her heart immediately starting to race so fast it hurt.

“Shhh, babydoll. ‘Gotta be quiet, remember?” He said it as if it was the most casual situation in the world. What the hell was happening?

“What’re you doing. . .aah!” Maeven choked on a silent scream as Billy wrapped his bicep around her neck to shut her up, cutting off both her voice and her air before he slipped his fingers inside her quivering cunt.

“Just be still and keep your mouth, Maeven. Be a good girl and let me take care of you,” he whispered, biting her earlobe following his last words as he removed his bicep from around her throat and kneeled straight up. Once Maeven briefly celebrated with a long inhale of air, she then involuntarily clenched her pussy around Billy’s thick fingers as he violently massaged her moist walls and prepared her for what would come next. Drawing them from her core, he delivered a sharp slap against her aching pussy before lining himself up.

Why couldn’t she move? Why was she so wet? Had it really come down to this; her own body betraying her?

Her mind became even more fuzzy from the lack of air, the veil between the fantasy inside her head and the world outside it where she was supposed to be sleeping had blended until she couldn’t tell which was which, anymore. And when something so passionately aggressive was shoved deep inside her without warning, Maeven couldn’t even comprehend the difference between unbearable pain and mind-numbing pleasure. She had cried from both before, but the tears falling from her now was something entirely new, and she didn’t like it.

“Fuuuuck, you feel so good. . .” Billy shamelessly moaned out, ramming all of himself into Maeven, from the tip to the base in one thrust. Pressing his chest against her back as her buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent like his life depended on it, Billy’s sharp thrusts continued. He never wanted to let her go. He couldn’t let her leave him like his Mother did. Maeven was the only ray of light he had left.

“Billy, please wait,” she sobbed out, finally regaining control of her limbs as she attempted to fight her way out from under him. “Let’s just-”

“Shh, we’re just having a little fun. That’s all. We’ll go nice and slow, okay?” he promised, his thrusts then turning harder and quicker as he succumbed to how heavenly Maeven felt around him.

“You don’t want me to reopen that cut, do you, dollface?” Billy took his bicep off from around her throat and trailed his fingers down beneath her to pinch her swollen clit. His other hand traced along the bandaged cuts along her arms and chest; his fresh handiwork from the night before. 

The sudden harsh rubs on her clit forced Maeven’s back to arch, giving Billy the perfect opportunity to grab her hair. She stopped breathing and her world stood still as she realized how close he was bringing her to the edge. Maeven panicked. She didn’t want to cum. Not like this, at least. It was fine when it was only her and the vivid scenes she around played with in her head. But she didn’t ask for this. Billy’s pace picked up and Maeven could tell he was close by the way he was growling; desperately hungry for release. 

Images of the night her life was ruined then intruded her mind; the party and the woods, and what they did to her. How betrayed she felt. How much the knife carving into her flesh hurt. The knife in her hands and how monstrous and free it made her feel. Her blood-drenched, naked body shining underneath the glow of the winter moon.

Maeven squeezed her eyes shut and tried to will all these bad feelings away, attempting to ground herself by focusing on how nice the cold autumn wind felt in contrast to how heated her cheeks were. She wanted to go back to that fantasy. She was safe in there, so that’s where she went.

Billy chuckled to himself as Maeven drifted away once again, knowing that by the next morning, she wouldn’t remember a thing.

. . .

Stay Wild and Safe, my dears!

A/N: ♫♫ I'm sorry I was gone, but look, I made you some content!♫♫

♫ Mommy made you your favorite! Open Wide!♫

♫♫ Here comes the content!♫♫

♫It's a beautiful day to stay inside!♫

Also, Happy Birthday to Me!! I turned 23 on the Solstice! Working my full-time retail job has left me burnt out without any time or energy to create, and my huge family is going through some hardships right now. I'm grateful that I was able to get family leave and it's going to last until February! Hopefully, that'll give me time to rest and put my life together while my family and I heal.

It felt really weird but somehow fitting that I finished this chapter on my last day being 22. Despite the Angst and Heartbreak this held, I really hope you enjoyed this one. I ran into a few roadblocks trying to get it just right. It's my longest one yet. A lot of you wanted some lore dumps and I hope I delivered well. As always, please let me know your thoughts and theories; they really help motivate me.

The Spitifre Curse Taglist:

@yaidothat

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

[sichore]

💖💚and🧡?

Y'all know what time it is. I've only shared my personal timelines but not any extensive thoughts on what I actually think about Metalocalypse. At least not on tumblr. So let's gooooooooo

💖 What's your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

I genuinely don't know what popular opinions there are for the series as a whole! So for me my “biggest” unpopular opinion for the show is just what I feel most strongly about.

And it's how season 4 was a crock of shit and I dearly wish we could have gotten a do-over.

I know there was a lot of executive meddling involved, that Brendon had pumped the show full of lore and character exploration that the network and writers (or at least Tommy Blancha) didn’t aim for. I get that! And visually season 4 is a treasure.

But what we got that we have to take as canon is absolutely trash. The lack of exploration for Magnus and how all we get is him being “evil and kuhRAzy” was complete shit, considering there had to have been a bigger story there. I don't buy Brendon's old tweet about him being nothing more than an abusive asshole because why would he not only have that sympathetic shot in DSR during “Do It For My Brother”, but 10 years have Nathan pointedly grieving him all through AOTD? I call bullshit. Magnus was a founding member of Dethklok so the fact that we got nothing after all this time is just fucking terrible.

And then there's Abigail. I could make a whole post about her but I'd be shouting into a void. All these platitudes about how she should've gotten better knowing good and damn well that the majority of this fandom does not care that she was set up for failure as a Black female character who “got between” a favored mlm ship, even when it was blatant that Abigail didn't want to be there. She should have been integrated better. We got all the signs that she's just as wacky and unhinged as the guys but her only screen time in canon was Questionable, and in fandom she's reduced to a babysitter. Trash.

And do not even get me started on the Nathan+Pickles relationship and conflict. We had three whole ass seasons to show them being supposedly super best friends so the reveal of the friender bender came out of nowhere and now serves as the lynch pin of their relationship. And that's bullshit! Where was the set up? Where's the history of them also being founding members, the leaders, of Pickles being a former frontman and industry vet and Nathan being brand new to that shit? It was a whole fucking missed opportunity and I kinda hate how it's like none of their interactions even mattered until that point and now that's all it's about. This sudden strong friendship and the breakup and Nathan apologizing for the wrong shit.

Season 4 should have been about just what exactly was in Seething Vortex that was so horrible that the Whale Goddess had to have it destroyed. We should have gotten more focus on the conflict of the dynamics that make up the band – of Nathan and Pickles being leaders with contrasting views, actual focus on why Skwisgaar is so rough on Toki and not just the fallout of both (Bookklok was also a Not Great episode). And the kind of scars Magnus left on the guys all this time.

(That's actually why I'm writing paint the sky, to fill in those lore and character development gaps.)

💚 What does everyone get wrong about your favorite character?

Pickles being a “mother” is actually a terrible and no-good thing for him and I wish it wasn't treated as a core or healthy part of his character. And I really hate how he was named that in AOTD, although the “bring Mommy his scotch” line in and of itself was fantastic.

Every time Pickles is in “mom” mode it's a stress response and he is not happy!! We don't know why Molly treated him that way and there probably is no reason. It doesn't matter! The damage is done and Pickles is still paying for it and it's really not something he needs to reclaim. He's a “mother” in that old stereotypical way where he's stressed out, overworked and underappreciated. He's a “mother” in that he gets excessive and overbearing when he's desperately trying to get a situation under control. Him going “mother” is not good!

I do believe he has a nurturing and caring side to him. I do believe Pickles is the most emotionally mature of the guys (though considering the guys, that ehhhh may not be saying much, but I digress). I do believe he could be a good parent and that he should define that for himself because he has no good examples of how a mother or father should be, so he can make his own damn definition! But in canon he is not in the environment or company for that.

And I do totally see Toki being able to confide in him because of Pickles being the most emotionally mature, and Toki is the only other one who will verbally express wanting to indulge in feelings and do good. Even if his attempts can be short-sighted (see: Dethgoverner, Fertilityklok). Still. Toki is a grown-ass man and Pickles is not Toki's goddamn mother.

🧡 What is a popular (serious) theory that you disagree with?

I dunno if this is a theory so much as popular headcanon?? But whatever. Pickles and Seth are not twins. That line in Dethwedding where Seth calls Pickles his older brother I've always seen as a slip up in line reading. Every other instance says and shows Seth as being the older brother; he's much taller in the Rehabklok flashback, and he's introduced by the Tribunal as the older brother in Dethfam. Like, c'mon.

Unpopular Opinions Ask Meme

[oncexinxmyxdreams]

Encanto OC Event Week 2: Bruno and Mercedes. Soul Mates.

(Major spoilers that I haven't gotten around to for my fic, but let's get them out. I'm tired of holding them back!)

Mercedes and Bruno became friends at 10 years old. Bruno had social anxiety around others, so it took time to fully trust Mercedes. Besides, he figured she just wanted to befriend him for a vision like other kids. When he understood she didn't, he opened up. They clicked over common interests and enjoyed each other's company. Time was usually spent in the jungles because it was quiet and away from people. They both loved to read, and Bruno would tell Mercedes telenovela ideas. Bruno would help her search rocks for her collection and Mercedes always said maybe they'd find real emeralds. (Outside of his vision tablets.) She enjoyed being around water to swim or wade, but Bruno would stay along the banks. They'd pick flowers for their moms and sisters, but Mercedes's mom didn't appreciate it. They loved long walks while talking. When Mercedes went out to paint, Bruno would come with her. They had many conversations and discussions about hobbies, life and stress.

What really strengthened their bond were hardships. They were each other's comfort. Things grew worse for Bruno as the town viewed him negatively and he became more isolated. When Mercedes was upset over her mother, gaining a stepfather or becoming a half-sister. No matter what they had each other to listen, confess and even cry. They rarely fought and if there was a disagreement, it was resolved. There was one point, Bruno was afraid Mercedes wouldn't speak to him again. When they were 12, he had a vision about her donkey, Diego, dying. It was hard for Mercedes, and she grieved a couple days. When she tried visiting Bruno, he wouldn't leave his room. After finally being convinced to see her, Bruno immediately apologized for what happened. Mercedes silenced him with a hug. She didn't blame Bruno and even more, she missed him. She promised him nothing would hurt their friendship and he better not hide for so long again. That was the biggest conflict for a long time, but something bigger happened.

Shortly after her 15th birthday, Mercedes was asked to court a boy she really liked. However, it was a ruse for her to go out with his friend. Annoyed, she went along with it, but put an end when he tried kissing her when she said no. It didn't get worse because of Bruno. He'd had an involuntary vision and rushed to his best friend's aid. Also Mercedes snapped at the boy and left. Feeling shaken, Mercedes started for home and Bruno stayed. After he dropped her at home and made sure her family was there, Mercedes watched him leave. She felt funny and it wouldn't stop. To her shock, she'd developed a crush on her best friend! Mercedes kept it quiet because she knew it would overwhelm Bruno. Yet, her feeling didn't leave and grew stronger. She'd flirt often hoping he'd pick up something. He didn't. Mercedes kept debating when's the right time to bring up her feelings and how to handle it.

At this point, Bruno's never had a love interest, but a few months after Mercedes's crush begins something changes. He suddenly feels physically attracted to Mercedes and is falling for her. He panics that he's betrayed their friendship. He's jumpier and blushing around her, so he quickly leaves. Mercedes grew impatient and knew he must feel similar. She gently confronted him, and they admit. Bruno's unsure of everything since he worries about the future. Things were getting worse for his reputation, and he can't bear to drag Mercedes through it. She doesn't care and wants to give this new relationship a chance. She suggests they keep it secret for now and see how it goes. If the feelings cool, then they haven't lost their friendship. If they continue, then go from there. It's agreed with a kiss on the cheek.

Mercedes and Bruno secretly court by doing the same activities as before. There's just more flirtation involved. They share a sweet first kiss and by then, they know there's no going back. They often meet at late night when their families sleep. She sneaks out and Bruno, living in a sentient house, tells Casita he needs to walk and clear his head. They'll even go when it's raining and share so many tender kisses. They watch the stars and practice slow dancing like bolero. They exchange love letters by leaving them under Mercedes's window. They actually keep their romance secret as it's more exciting and like a telenovela. It's when they're 17, right around their second anniversary of courting, they become intimate. Without too much detail, it takes time, but they develop a whole new chemistry and can't get enough of each other. After that, there's a whole new purpose to meeting at night. The next three years were wonderful, but it couldn't last.

The arranged marriage came up so quickly that there was hardly time to discuss, fight or bargain. Mercedes's mother threatened her to obey and if she had any love interests in the Encanto, she'd make them miserable. (She didn't know about the secret relationship, but was covering all bases with her threats.) Mercedes and Bruno spent one last night together and the next morning saying goodbye like old friends among the Madrigals. Bruno became more isolated, and it grew worse as he was despised. Things would've been happier if they'd made different choices and they both regretted it. They certainly would've come forth about their relationship and married with the Madrigal's blessing. They would've been in bliss. They would've had children. One with pyrokinesis, the gift of fire. The other with retrocognition; ability to see the past...

All her life Mercedes never knew the true parentage of her twin girls. After all this time, Bruno's met his daughters after 30 years. ♟️📿

@encanto-extended-edition

[br1ghtestlight]

hi yeah big fan of all of your hc for bob's burger :] so i was wondering if you have any gc for Grover Fischoeder or how Calvin and Felix reacted to their parents death

(Sorry for the Fischoeder focus. I am working on a fic for their relationship as a family and I want to include some hc from some blogs)

SORRY IM ANSWERING THIS LIKE TWO DAYS LATE I GOT REALLY BUSY LOL But yes of course!!!!

honestly not a lot of grover headcanons bcuz i dont remember too much about him BUT apparently he comes from "the poor side" of their family which leads me to believe that he's related to them on their mother's side :) makes me think maybe their mom had brown hair and their dad was blonde

i think calvin and felix's mom died when they were maybe in their late teens/early 20s of an illness (probably not cancer but like Scarlet fever or one of those old timey illnesses that we have vaccines for now) and they did NOT cope with it well but bcuz of the traditional culture at the time and toxic masculinity their dad basically told them to push down their feelings and stop being sad about her and literally didnt let them grieve AT ALL and they took that to heart and never discussed her death or talked abt their emotions but occasionally (very occasionally) calvin and felix visit their mom's grave and just talk to her bcuz they really did love and miss her even if she wasnt the best mom and they both clearly wanted her affection

felix has seen calvin cry like one single time in his entire life and it was when their mom died but generally calvin is a lot better at controlling his emotions and not letting anyone see him upset (if calvin has ever cried in canon then ignore this i dont remember LMAO) so felix was really concerned when he saw calvin crying, they never talked about it but it affected them both a lot They need relationship counselling for real

their dad died when they were maybe in their 40s so a lot more recently i think, assuming calvin is in his early 60s which im not sure is actually canon and not just fandom speculation?? their dad left everything to calvin obviously and his already strained relationship with felix got even worse bcuz felix knew that calvin was always his parents favorite, their grief towards their dad manifested mostly in anger and arguments they would just constantly fight, felix felt that calvin mismanaged everything and that he was destroying their dads legacy and calvin held the fact that their dad left everything to him over felix's head, felix is both desperate for calvin's approval and attention and also literally hates him and wants to kill him (and has tried many times!!!!!) their relationship is so unhealthy its ridiculous

calvin and felix have DEFINITELY had a few years where they just didnt talk to each other at all and those were probably the healthiest years for their relationship tbh

[genesisdiviner]

How Julie and the Phantoms helped me grieve

It’s no secret to anyone who knows me in real life that Julie and the Phantoms is my absolute favorite show and when given the opportunity, I will not shut up about it and how much I love it and how it deserved so much better. However, it is so much more than just a “favorite show”. It’s the show I can’t watch without a smile on my face. It’s the show with the soundtrack that dominated my Spotify Wrapped last year because I could not get enough of it. It’s the show that clears my head and helps me breath easier when my anxiety gets too much to handle. It’s the show that gives me joy in every possible way when I need it most. So... it’s only fitting that it’s helping me get through one of the hardest moments of my life.

A few weeks ago, my older brother, who I love with all my heart, passed away suddenly. It came out of nowhere and completely shattered our hearts. While I have unwavering support from my family and friends, I didn’t know how I was going to get through this. How was I supposed to loosen the knot in my chest? How was I supposed to remember to breathe? How was I supposed to fall asleep at night with this awful dark cloud hovering all around me? It didn’t take me long to find something to help me.

I had already started a rewatch of JATP a few days prior and I had just watched “Bright” when I got the news. In Jewish tradition, when a person dies the immediate family comes together for a Shiva - seven days of intense mourning where visitors come and give their condolences. Seven days of Shiva, seven episodes left of JATP. That was how I was going to get though it. So every night before I went to sleep, I would watch an episode. It got me to smile and loosened the knot just enough for me to sleep with relative peace. It gave me something to look forward to at the end of each day. Eventually the final day of the Shiva came and I had one episode left, “Stand Tall”. I was feeling a little bit better so I didn’t feel like I needed to watch the final episode yet. I told myself I would save it for a day when I really needed it. That day was yesterday.

Yesterday was the first day in nearly a month that I was out of the house for a full day. From the second I stepped out I was taken a back at how normal everything felt. When our world stopped, the rest of the world kept turning. Everything was normal... except nothing was normal. Not to me. I knew I needed to pass this hurdle for myself but god it was so hard. The whole day I was fighting tears until I couldn’t anymore. And when I though the worst had passed the tears just came back. I didn’t give up, and did all I had planned to do, but there was a weight in my chest all day that just wouldn’t go away. So like I did during the Shiva, I went to bed and watched JATP.

While the episode helped me calm down, like it always had, the sadness I felt just wouldn’t let go. I started thinking about how I was supposed to live my life now with this sadness. How am I supposed to feel happy when there is a hole in my heart that will never be filled?

During the scene where Julie is talking to her mom in the alley, I suddenly understood exactly what she felt. For the first time since I first watched the show, I knew exactly how Julie felt. I started thinking about her. About how she went though what I’m going through. While she still misses her mom she hangs out with Flynn, she bickers with her brother, she laughs at her dad, small things that mean so much more. Eventually, she even finds her love of music again. The pain is always there but Julie was able to keep going. Luke, my absolute favorite character in the whole show, also went through what I’m going through. The whole show he grieves the relationship he lost with his parents and the fact that he couldn’t say everything he wanted to say to them when he was alive. But he found solace in doing what he loved to do. In being with people he loved to be with. Eventually, he was able to find peace. If Julie and Luke could do it, why can’t I?

I’m not saying I’m all better now. I know that there is still a long road ahead of me. But if there is one thing that JATP keeps reminding me is that the pain I feel shouldn’t stop me. It’s going to be hard, and I know there are many more tears to be shed, but I will get through this. Just like Julie found her voice again, and Luke was able to find peace, so will I. And like Julie, I’m always looking for signs from my brother and I truly believe I’ve seen them, and that gives me a comfort I just can’t explain.

I will get though this. I just need to remember to stand tall.