#so he doesn't have that guilt and desire to keep anyone else from sharing his fate that lead him to his initial decision to become the pupil

[joelmillerisapunk]

Girl Next Door

Neighbor!Joel Miller x F!Reader

Masterlist

Wordcount: 3,646

Summary: Joel finds himself overwhelmed by the desire to possess something that belongs to you, leading him to indulge in a secret fantasy.

~Or~

What Odette dreams about

Warnings: 18+, mentions of Tommy being in jail, underwear/ underwear sniffing kink? Unprotected bathroom bar sex, hair pulling, no physical description of reader minus hair being pullable, oral - m!receiving

Notes: NERVOUS AS ALL HECK TO POST THIS AS MY FIRST FIC IN A MINUTE. didn't know I had this kink until I had a similar dream, so don't look at me, but also, if anyone else likes this, please let's talk so I don't feel weird 😂 thanks as always @saradika-graphics for the divider

Joel is restless as he mindlessly tosses his clothes into the washing machine in the shared laundry room of his apartment complex. He can't stop thinking about the woman he saw moving in across the hall. There's just something about her that captivated him, and he can't shake her from his mind.

As he goes to add the detergent to the machine, he notices a basket of laundry sitting next to his. His eyes scan over the pile of clothes until they land on a pair of lacy panties. A thrill run through him as he realises that they were hers - yours.

The ones he saw when he was watching you move boxes, the ones he watched appear when you bent over and your shirt exposed the small of your back.

And before he can talk himself out of it, he quickly grabs the panties, stuffing them into his pocket. He turns around just in time to see you walking into the laundry room.

"Oh, hey there," you say with a friendly smile. "I didn't realize anyone else was using the machines right now."

Joel feels his face flush with embarrassment as he stutters out a response. "Uh, yeah, was just finishin' up."

You chuckle softly. "Well, don't let me interrupt you. I just need to switch my load over to the dryer."

As you bend down to transfer your clothes, Joel can't help but steal a glance at your body. He feels a stirring in his pants, and he quickly looks away, hoping you don't notice.

When you straighten up, you catch him looking and raise an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

Joel feels his face grow even hotter. "Uh, yeah, sorry. I just got a little distracted."

You smile knowingly. "Well, I hope it was a good distraction.”

You make small talk as you wait for your laundry to finish, and Joel finds himself even more drawn to you.

As you’re about to leave, you turn to him. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it darlin?"

"Well, I seem to have misplaced a pair of my favorite underwear. I was wondering if you might have seen them around here?"

Joel's mind races as he tries to think of a response. He can't very well admit that he had taken them, could he?

"Uh, no, I haven't seen them," he stammers, hoping you don't notice the lie.

You look disappointed. "Oh, well, thanks anyway. I guess I'll just have to buy a new pair." And with that, you're gone. Shortly after, he gathers his things and leaves.

As soon as he’s outside the room, Joel lets out a sigh of relief. The adrenaline rush from stealing your underwear sends shivers down his spine. He can’t believe how easy that was. This is definitely the highest he's ever felt.

But as he walks away, a wave of guilt washes over him. What kind of sick fuck gets off on stealing women's underwear? He knows how wrong it is, but damn if it doesn't turn him on like nothing else ever could.

He walks aimlessly for a while, trying to distract himself from the thoughts in his head. But every time he thinks about those lacy panties clinging to his thigh, he feels his cock throb.

He needs to do something with them. He needs to feel them against his skin, to smell them, to touch them. But what? Should he hide them away in a drawer? Or should he just keep them nearby for whenever the urge struck?

Joel hesitates for a moment before finally making up his mind.

As he walks back into his apartment, he can’t help but imagine what it would be like to feel those panties on his body. The idea of feeling your softness against his skin makes his cock throb even harder.

Joel decides to try and sleep it off. Maybe by morning, the urge would pass, and he would be able to put this whole thing behind him.

He walks toward his bedroom and strips off his clothes before he climbs into bed. But try as he might, sleep eludes him. The urge to grab those panties and explore them with his tongue is too strong to ignore. He continues to shift restlessly in bed until finally giving in to temptation. He reaches down grabbing the soft fabric from his jeans wrapping one hand around his hard cock and using the other hand to bring the fabric up to his nose and inhales deeply.

Joel's hand moves up and down his shaft, stroking with a rhythm that he knows will bring him to climax in no time. He focuses on the sensation of his own hand, the softness of you on the lace, letting out a low moan as he feels himself getting closer to the edge.

But then, just as he's about to come, Joel hesitates. What if you found out? The thought makes him pause, making him wonder if it’s worth the risk. He decides to take a break for now. Throwing the panties to the floor, he lays there for a few moments, trying to catch his breath. But then he can't resist. The urge takes over slowly and then, all at once, crashing over him like a tidal wave about to suffocate him. Joel picks up the panties one more time and brings them close to his face, inhaling deeply.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath as he licks them slowly, savoring their scent. He runs his tongue over every inch of fabric before finally taking them into his mouth, sucking on them hungrily. "You taste so sweet baby."

He stops to hold the panties in front of his face, admiring their form, admiring the cut and color. He imagines how it would taste if he were to lick your pretty lips and your pretty little clit, imagining how it would taste when he slips his fingers inside you as you’re making a mess all over his face. It almost makes him come right then.

He moans softly as he imagines all the things he would be doing to you once he gets you alone. How you would feel wrapped around his cock, moaning as he pushes into you. His eyes light up as he envisions how you would feel, naked against him, begging and whimpering as he fucks you. He knows the perfect way to drive you insane; torturing you for pleasure before finally plunging into you, making you scream his name, begging daddy for his big cock. He pictures you writhing and crying underneath him as his seed spills all over your soft skin, filling the air with the musky scent of sex.

His fantasy is interrupted, however, as his phone rings, shattering the illusion of the forbidden paradise his imagination created. Joel groans in frustration, reluctantly answering it.

"Ya?" He demands, his voice rough with need and lust, not bothering to ask who it is.

"Hey, big brother. It's me." it was Tommy, and Joel could only guess what this was about. Tommy had seen himself in jail, his fair share these past few years, and Joel was tired of bailing him out.

"Tommy, I swear to god -" Joel starts, ready cuss out his brother and give him the old "I'm gonna kick your ass..." spiel, but Tommy cuts him off.

"I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna kick my ass. But it wasn't my fault this time. The guy had it comin. He was gonna hurt her. I was just tryin' to help. You gotta respect that, Mr. Southern gentleman himself." Tommy says, sounding sincere enough for Joel to believe him. He relaxes slightly. Tommy never did anything particularly bad, but he always manages to get himself in trouble somehow. Even as kids, he was always bailing Tommy out.

Joel rolls his eyes. “That's what you said the last time. I'm gonna kick your damn ass Tommy. I should leave ya in there."

"Alright, alright, look man-"

"What? Make it good, or I'm goin’ back to bed." Joel says impatiently.

"You bail me out this one last time, and I'll buy you the next round'a beer." Tommy bargains.

Joel can't help but laugh at his brother's proposal. "You're really tryin’ to bribe me with beer, huh? Fine, I'll bail you out one last time. But you better not fuck this up, Tommy, you ain’t gettin' another chance." Joel warns.

"Thanks, Joel. I won't let you down this time, I promise - promise on our mamma," Tommy replies, sounding genuinely grateful.

Joel sighs and hangs up the phone, shaking his head. He can't believe he was letting his brother talk him into this again.

But as he gets dressed and heads out to bail his brother out of jail, Joel can’t shake off the feeling of excitement that still lingers from his earlier encounter. The memory of those lacy panties, the scent of you on his fingers, the taste of you on his tongue - all of it is still fresh in his mind.

As he drives, Joel's mind starts to wander. He can't stop thinking about you, about the way you probably look in those silky panties, the way you feel and taste. He feels himself getting hard again just thinking about it. There’s something about you that draws him in, something that makes him want to possess you, to make you his own.

With one hand on the wheel, his free hand pulls out the underwear from his pocket, his hand shaking with desire as he holds the lacy panties up.

He lets out a low moan, his cock already rock hard in his pants and without thinking, he begins to rub himself through the fabric, imagining it’s your hand on him instead.

The sensation is overwhelming, and Joel can feel himself on the brink of climax almost immediately. He tries to hold back to savor the moment, but it’s no use. Within seconds, he’s coming hard, staining his jeans with his own release.

Panicked, he starts feeling around his truck for something to cover up the stain on his pants. He rummages through the glove compartment and the back seat before finally finding an old sweater that Tommy had left behind on a previous visit.

Joel quickly places the sweater over his bulge, hoping it would be enough to hide the stain.

When he arrives, he parks in the loading zone and jumps out of the truck, still trying to act casual while tying the sweater around his waist. But as he approaches the entrance, he can feel the eyes of the other visitors coming in on him, no doubt noticing the bulge in his pants and the sweater tied around his waist.

As he walks into the jail, his face flushes with embarrassment, and his mind still preoccupies with thoughts of you. He makes his way to the visitor's area, scanning the crowd for Tommy.

When he finally spots his brother sitting at a visitors table, looking bored and impatient, Joel approaches him, trying to act as casual as possible.

"Hey, Tommy," Joel says, as he sits across from him.

Tommy looks up and does a double-take when he sees the sweater tied around Joel's waist. "What the hell happened to you?" Tommy asks, with a smirk on his face.

Joel feels his face grow even hotter with embarrassment. "Nothin’, just spilled some coffee on my pants.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow, clearly not convinced.

Joel shifts uncomfortably in his seat, trying to discreetly adjust the sweater tied around his waist. He can feel Tommy's eyes on him, still skeptical about the "coffee" stain.

"Sure thing, big brother. Whatever you say," Tommy says, chuckling to himself.

—

Joel and Tommy walk out of the jail, the weight of the situation heavy between them but still Joel can't help but feel a sense of relief wash over him as they step out into the cool night air. He had done his duty as an older brother once again, bailing Tommy out of a sticky situation.

As they make their way to Joel's truck, he can’t shake off the thoughts of you that have been consuming him all day. He wants you, needs you, in a way that he has never felt before.

Tommy notices Joel's distracted state and ribbs him about it. "Hey man, you got a girl on the brain or somethin’? You've been acting weird since you got here."

Joel hesitates for a moment, as much of a dumbass his kid brother is, he’s really all he’s got, "Uh - yeah, there’s this girl... Can't stop thinkin’ about her."

Tommy chuckles. "Well, maybe you should ask her out or somethin’. What's the worst that could happen?"

Joel shakes his head. "It's not that simple. I... I don't even know her name."

Tommy raises an eyebrow. "Well, where’d you meet her?"

Joel hesitates for a moment before admitting the truth. "I saw her move the other day across the way. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Just sat there starin’ for a bit, I just couldn't help myself.”

"Well, maybe you'll run into her again sometime. And this time, you can introduce yourself like a normal person."

Joel nods, feeling a glimmer of hope. Maybe Tommy was right. Maybe he would run into you again. And this time, he could do things differently.

—

The next evening, Joel finds himself at the bar down the street, hoping against hope that he might see you again, somewhere, somehow. He sits at the bar, nursing a beer and scanning the crowd for any sign of you.

As he sits there, he can't help but feel a sense of déjà vu. Has he been here before? It was like a fog had settled over his memory, making it difficult to recall the details.

And then, just as he's about to give up hope, he sees you walking towards the bar, your eyes scanning the crowd. And then, as if by some miracle, they land on him.

You smile, a shy, tentative smile that makes Joel's heart race. Joel can't help but feel a wave of nervousness wash over him as he sees you approaching him at the bar.

He's always been awkward around women, especially ones as beautiful as you. He tries to play it cool, taking a sip of his beer and glancing up at the TV, but his eyes keep flicking back to you.

"Hey there, cowboy," you say, a playful smile on your lips. "I haven't seen you around here before."

Joel feels a wave of nervousness wash over him, but he tries to hide it with a grin. "Oh, I'm just passin' through," he says, hoping he doesn't sound as awkward as he feels.

But you seem to be enjoying his discomfort, your eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well, I'm glad you stopped by."

You lean against the bar, your body close to Joel's. He can feel the heat radiating off of you, and he finds himself struggling to focus on anything but you.

"So, cowboy, tell me what really brings you to this little dive bar?" You ask, your voice low and sultry.

Joel takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. "Just needed a break from the rodeo, I guess," he says, trying to play along.

You laugh, a loud, genuine laugh that makes Joel's heart skip a beat. "Well, I'm glad you found it. Maybe we can make each other's night a little more interesting."

Joel feels a thrill run through him at your words. He knows what you're suggesting, and he can't help but feel a surge of desire. "I'd like that darlin."

You lean in closer, your lips brushing against Joel's ear. "Follow me."

Joel follows you through the crowded bar, his heart racing with excitement. He can't believe what's happening, but he doesn't want it to stop.

You lead him to the bathroom, pushing open the door and pulling him inside. The room is small and dimly lit, but Joel can see the desire shining in your eyes.

You push him up against the wall, your body presses against his. Joel can feel your breath hot against his skin, and he finds himself struggling to breathe.

"I've wanted you since the moment I saw you."

Joel feels a surge of desire run through him. He's wanted you just as badly, and he can't believe this is finally happening. He reaches out, his hands tangling in your hair as he pulls you closer. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss, your tongues dancing together as you explore each other's mouths.

Joel's hands move down your body, sliding under your skirt and finding their way to your panties. He can feel the heat radiating off of you, and he knows you want him just as badly as he wants you.

He slides your panties down your legs, his fingers lingering for a moment before he lets them fall to the floor.

You break the kiss, your breath hot and heavy. "Take me."

Joel doesn't need to be told twicn.sbb

De. He helps you up onto the sink and your legs wrap around his waist as he slides inside of you.

You moan with pleasure, your head thrown back as Joel thrusts into you. The bathroom is small and cramped, but neither of you care. All that matters is the heat and the pleasure between you.

Joel can feel himself getting close, the pleasure building up inside of him. He knows he won't be able to hold back for much longer.

But just as he's about to reach his climax, you pull away, your body sliding down his.

"Not yet, cowboy," you say, a playful smile on your lips.

Joel watches as you sink to your knees in front of him, your eyes never leaving his. He feels a surge rush through him as you reach for his hard cock, you wrap your hand around it, stroking him slowly. Joel lets out a low moan as he feels your hand on him, the sensation almost too much to bear.

You lean in closer, your breath hot against his skin. He can feel your lips brushing against the tip of his cock, and he holds his breath in anticipation.

And then, finally, you take him into your mouth. Joel lets out another moan as he feels your lips around him, your tongue swirling around his cock. His thoughts are consumed with desire as he watches you pleasure him.

He reaches down, tangling his fingers in your hair as he begins to thrust his hips, fucking your mouth with a roughness that takes you by surprise. You moan around his cock, the vibrations sending shivers down his spine. He can't believe how good it feels and how much he wants you.

He feels himself teetering on the edge, and he knows he's about to come. He pulls out of your mouth, your saliva glistening on his cock.

Without a word, he pulls you up and turns you around, bending you over the sink. He can see your face in the mirror, your eyes wide with desire and anticipation.

He slides inside of you, your wetness coating his cock as he begins to thrust. He can feel you clenching around him, your body trembling. Joel reaches around, his fingers finding your clit. He begins to rub slow circles, hearing you moan with pleasure as he hits the right spot.

He knows he won't be able to hold back much longer, and with one final thrust, he spills his seed deep inside of you, filling you up as you moan with pleasure.

Joel watches in the mirror as you come with him, your face flushed with pleasure, and your eyes glazed over with desire. He can't believe what just happened, but he knows one thing for sure - he needs more of you.

He pulls out of you and helps you to your feet. You lean into him, your body trembling with pleasure.

"Wow," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel chuckles, feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over him. "Yeah, wow," he says, pulling you close for a kiss.

He helps you straighten your clothes, his fingers lingering on your skin for a moment before he pulls away.

You reach down, picking up your panties from the floor. You hold them out to Joel, a mischievous glint in your eyes.

"A souvenir," you wink.

Joel takes the panties, his heart racing with excitement.

You lean in, your fingers putting a pre-written note in his pocket, and your lips brush against his ear. "Call me, cowboy," you say, your voice low and sultry.

And then you're gone, leaving Joel alone in the bathroom with nothing but the memory of your body and the scent of your panties to remind him of what just happened. He can't believe what just happened, but he knows one thing for sure - he's never felt this alive before.

[novasjaneway]

Unimatrix Zero Parts I & II. This two part ep (like many other episodes) has me thinking about the subtle intimacy between Janeway and Seven. The ending of Unimatrix just gets me so good I just can't help sharing my thoughts about them.

Janeway: "Ooh, the doctor removed my spinal clamps but it will be awhile before I'm playing hoverball again." A playful Janeway is making jokes about recovering from the assimilation but meanwhile, a concerned Seven reaches out to hold her arm and steady her as she loses her balance. Repeat that, Seven is initiating contact with Janeway. I rarely see her do this with anyone. Janeway is so unguarded with her in this scene. Her vulnerability and trust with Seven seems to continuously grow.

Janeway: "If I ever imply its been easy on you these last few years, remind me about today."

Seven: "Noted." And she smiles with playful amusement at Janeway.

Janeway: "Unimatrix Zero might be gone but it looks like the resistance is alive and kicking. With any luck the collective may never be the same." Janeway says this as she casts a peculiar, perhaps seductive, look at Seven.

Seven: "Korok said he would try to maintain contact, keep us informed." Seven seems very pleased that Janeway is satisfied with the outcome and is behind her 100%. And then suddenly, Janeway is curious about something....

Janeway: "Have you heard from your friend?" Janeways voice drops down several registers and her eyes get super heavy, she practically whispers these words to Seven. She doesn't even speak his name. There seems to be alot of trepidation coming from Janeway about the outcome of Seven and her "friend". Is she concerned, or slightly jealous? The mood has definitely changed from playful business to intimate relations.

Seven: "No, but I don't expect to. Axums vessel is in a remote sector of the beta quadrant."

Janeway: long silent pause with an understanding nod. Why the long pause here Janeway? She's looking her over (perhaps waiting for something else to be said or considering her own feelings?) Janeway is rarely this quiet omg she's breaking my heart with her longing. She nods in understanding that Seven will likely never see Axum again, but there seems to be something else going on behind her eyes, some other kind of feeling that she's trying to supress...is it relief, curiosity, her own desires? Just ughghghgh...the long pause. I can't seem to get over it bc she is so quiet about whatever she's thinking and feeling. It's the way the camera lingers on her too, there is a whole story in that expression.

Seven: "If I ever imply that he was nothing more than a friend, remind me about today." There is a noticeable drop in Sevens register as she says this to Janeway. Also note that she is mirroring the phrase Janeway just recently used. Mirroring is a form of intimacy. There is also a hesitation in her soft spoken words that seems to echo back to earlier in the episode when Janeway asked her who Axum was. A trepidation of her own?

Janeway: THIS LOOK. What is she saying to us, to Seven, to herself? Seven has just revealed very personal information to her trusted friend. She IS capable of romance. Janeway, Kathryn, ma'am, captain...just go ahead, kiss the girl.

Clearly they both have feelings for each other and this scene feels like they're exploring those feelings together, treading very carefully. I can't forget that both of them, without hesitation, were on board with Janeway entering into Sevens psyche to even be in unimatrix zero. That's pretty intimate. All through this episode I kept picking up on intimate vibes between these two. A little bit of jealousy from janeway when she was commenting oh how Annika was enjoying her human side. (Was she jealous that Seven was enjoying her human nature with Axum and not with her?) A little bit of guilt coming from Seven when she remembered the true nature of her relationship with Axum. (Were her feelings for Janeway the source of this guilt?) Janeways startled look of surprise when seven first mentioned Axums name. Seven telling Axum that her name is Seven of Nine when he called her Annika. The way Seven and Janeway both look at each other when entering the mind meld. The fact that Janeway tells chakotay she will not pass up the opportunity to see unimatrix no matter how many headaches she gets from doing the meld. The mind melds themselves are intimacy! Without a hitch Janeway beats down the borg to protect seven, while Axum just stands there. Seven visits her in sickbay. The whole episode has me thinking about them very deeply and I'm in my comfort bay alcove.

[gabbynyssa]

Wait... Does anyone have an AU where Jason was taken out from under Bruce's wing by Dick and he got permission to share the Flamebird mantle from Clark and Jimmy?

I was thinking about how it's a shame that the duo nature of the names has mostly been forgotten to the point of Jimmy just having the name pre-Kandor in MAwS. And then I started thinking about how, in Webtoon RHatO, Jason picks a phoenix for his new symbol as the series is ending. A literal bird of flames.

Like... He still gets the red theming, you get to explore the difference in how Dick and the Titans raise Jason contrasted to how Bruce (and Alfred and Talia trying his best to fill the gaps) did. Does he see Roy and Garth as older brothers in this world? Does he do reckless hijinks with Gar and Wally? Does Wally completely lose track of who anyone means when they say "Jay" in conversations? Does Dick keep him alive, or does Slade become Jason's resurrection & villain arc catalyst? Does Jason come to love Bludhaven or does he have to throw himself back into Gotham and get closure before he can be mentally in the present anywhere really? Does he still say "Oh my goodness gracious, I've been bamboozled!"? Does Dick go back to school after Jason graduates? Does Jason make Dick question the whole cop day job thing?

Tim ends up even more of a question mark if both Robins officially distance from Batman. Like... Does the fanboy follow to the Titans and stay, or does he still try to get someone to be Robin and get mixed up in it himself? Or is that whole scenario avoided as Nightwing gives Bruce a gentle talk about needing a support system of his peers instead of a father figure he won't call one and a series of children he doesn't have the support system to help as-is and Bruce gets like... The Outsiders into Gotham and opens up to Jim and stuff?

Tho also there's always the preexisting alternative Robin even if Bruce isn't building a team of peers he actually talks to... Anarky was introduced to be a new Robin before Tim, and it would certainly be interesting to see how he'd fit into the role, especially with a Bruce that's questioning what the role should even be. He'd still be dealing with a very intelligent kid with lots of attitude and questions for authority right after Jason left when someone actually answered some honestly. There'd be tension between Bruce's set in ways, his guilt, and his desire to do the best he can by this kid. And the kid himself had a lot of potential development set up in early stages that instead kinda just became "actually this kid can just do anything, fuck it" for a bit, then he got dropped. Like... He already mirrors where Jason went in the main continuity in some ways, so exploring him trying to fill those shoes (but ultimately realizing he should've been being himself the whole time) in a world where Jason is on a different path could be neat.

Also random sidenote, thinking about who else might hero in Gotham reminded me that Jay Garrick was based in Gotham way back when... Would be interesting to see an exploration of a world where Batman is the current hero of Gotham and the Flash was the one before him and how the eras differ and what factors led to that.

[stygia-n]

Tell us about the darkest time you have in your life, Idia

Idia doesn't remember what exactly happened that day. Only the way things had started out so hopeful, excited that they were going on their first adventure. Only the way he hadn't even managed to push Ortho behind him in time. Only the crashing and the scream before he woke up as if losing his brother had just been a blip in time. He didn't talk to anyone, see anyone, nor leave his room for two years. Throwing himself wholly into the work, not eating, not sleeping, fueled by his one desire to bring Ortho back or destroy the rest of the world trying, it was the only thing keeping him from giving up entirely. But even after 'bringing him back', the guilt and the regret didn't go away.

Eaugh, who wants to know this sob story, anyway? No matter how hard he wishes it wasn't so, it is. If anything, it just goes to show that playing the hero and acting as if everything will be fine if you just follow your heart and do the right thing is a whole load of crap. He's definitely not naive enough to believe that someone will come save him like in a fairy tale anymore.

No one will help him. No one can help him. He doesn't even have the luxury of pretending like it's someone else's fault. This pain is his burden to bear, and it terrifies him as a shadow ever looming over his shoulder. What will people think when they see him? How could someone like him even deserve to live? They will curse and scorn his name, and rightfully so, for who could ever love someone as worthless and undeserving as he?

Even still. Even so. Idia's heart bleeds with the love he has for his little brothers — both of them — and the love for the life he has chosen to live in order to fulfil that simple wish: live the dream we shared that day. Life can be so unfair, and he really got dealt the worst possible hand, but gods be damned if he isn't going to try.

[petitelepus]

Could I get a couple yandere mtmte matchups? Preferably one matching me with a decepticon and one matching me with an autobot (like one of each)?

(Me as a human for this ask, thanks! :) )

I am very anxious and softspoken. I tend to daydream alot. I can get overwhelmed easily and have hard time telling others what is wrong when I am upset. While generally quite, I can talk about my hyperfixations for hours (as long as the other person is showing interest). I love dark cloths/aesthetics and am pretty particular about what I wear. I am rather avoidant of conflict and would rather try to keep the peace so I don't get overwhelmed. I love movies, especially those of the monster horror variety, and love talking about how films are made. I also enjoy videogames and staying in rather than going out for fun.

Swerve is Yandere for you!

Swerve fell for you the second he saw you. A real human, he got to meet a real human and so pretty one also! Oh, Primus, you are so cute, he absolutely adores you!

You're so kind and sweet, how could he not fall for you? You seem to trust him because he knows most about humans and that makes him so happy. He promises to never let you down!

The two of you spend so much time together talking about your passions. While Swerve might know a lot about humans he loves hearing you talk about your interests or about your daydreams.

He doesn't even appear as Yandere until you start talking with other mechs and he starts feeling abandoned.

Do you prefer others' company over his? He thought you two had something special… He knows he shouldn't feel this way, this jealous…!

Mechs close to Swerve, like Rewind and his husband Chromedome, know that the minibot likes you and they know not to make a move on you. They are in team Swerve.

Some mechs try their moves on you, like Getaway, right in the middle of the day and right in front of Swerve. It's like they are trying to make him sad on purpose.

People tend to forget that the minibot is a professional metallurgist.

He knows what to add to a drink to make a mech sick, so when he serves Getaway, the smooth mech soon runs out bar soon while holding his stomach. He won't die, but he won't be drinking for a while either.

When the competition is off Swerve makes his move and asks if you would like to share a habsuite with him? That way the two of you could stay inside playing games, watching movies and just enjoying each other's company when ever you wanted to.

Say yes and he is the happiest mech there is! Turn him down and he gets so depressed that he starts guilt-tripping you every now and then since he feels so bad and maybe you take pity on him and move in with him…?

Deathsaurus is Yandere for you!

This brave and honorable Decepticon holds no love for organics, but he will make an exception when it comes to you, his beloved.

Deathsaurus adored you because of your tendency to worry over little things and how you never raise your voice, no matter what the situation.

You don't want to be a burden by telling him about your worries, so Deathsaurus has to goad you to tell him what is wrong so he can fix it.

When he has time, he loves spending it with you and listening to you talk about your interests and how your days are spent when he isn't with you.

To prevent you from getting bored and therefore unhappy, he gets you anything you might desire. Books, games, movies, anything you want he gets to you.

He is so protective over you, that when he can't be with you he has his loyal soldiers guard the entrance to your own private habsuite. No one gets in and no one gets out.

You are practically a prisoner in your room and only allowed to leave the safety of your room with Deathsaurus by your side. He makes sure no one else talks to you unless given permission to do so.

If someone tries to get too familiar with you, they will be reprimanded with a glare that leaves no room to argue. He wants you to rely only on him and no one else. You are his Conjunx, not anyone else's.

[rosehippiefield]

Mental strength part 4: Keiji and Gin

The other posts on this topic:

Part 1: Sara and Nao

Part 2: Reko and Alice

Part 3: Kanna and Shin

Part 5: Kai and Q-Taro

Part 6: Joe and Mishima

This time around let's discuss our two definite survivors of main story: stoic ex-policeman that drowns in self-guilt and small kid that takes as much action as anyone else.

Keiji seems unfased by any dangers, his face is always in poker mode, his actions are logical. Weakness not detected, until trauma kicks in. And his tragedy is rough - manslaugther that is left unpunished. Mr. ex-policeman lets someone die partly because of memories of his own sin - definitely not a sigh of a healthy mental state. Even more, it seems he does not fully realise that untill second main game. Keiji's problem is a constant shifting of blame, for instance, onto Megumi who is shady but saved his life, and responsibility, for instance, onto Sara, whom he leads to conclusions but never takes the lead himself. I also believe that his choice with Kanna could be interpreted as "poor girl will not bear more deaths", seeing himself in her plight. And once again, while being broken with huge shadows under his eyes Keiji manages to advance through life. Not taking initiative, he still takes Sara under his wing. Moreover, the coffin situation actually opens his eyes about blaming the others, where he even thought he'd be better of dying there. But our sufferer was saved, and though evidently Mr Policeman-the-illusion still haunts him, he makes a plan to decieve Midori. In the banquet Keiji was ready to accept death if he didn't have some ace up his sleeve (which we don't know for now), and still he doesn't let Sara to kill Gin for him. No, he hasn't given up on himself, he remains undaunted. This man is capable of cold blooded actions, but he has nerves of steel and makes attempts to be a good person.

Gin is autistic 12 years old kid in a death game. Being there at such a young age seems traumatic enough, but he is exposed to danger every single chapter. Brave child explores just as much as adults, he is naive to the point of giving away tokens just to play, believing dealing with money is wrong for him to do. His desire to save everybody eventually leads to him becoming a challenger in the banquet, when nobody knew the rules and concequences. Not to mention him simply supporting his allies, especially Sara with her hallucinations. Like nobody can claim our boy is useless! By the way, he refused to wish to cure his autism when Midori offered, Gin just wanted to make his mom happy! The only downside of his selflessness is that it can be used against him, for example, token exchange ended in Gin being the target for poison shots. On the other hand, his naive faith keeps others from surrendering to their dark side. I wholeheartedly believe Gin is the only thing keeping group sane in logic route. So may our little protector continue to do so, sharing his strength with others!

[acacia-may]

Finral for the ask game please ^^

Thank you for the ask, dear! 🥰 This post got a little bit lengthy so I've included the heacanons below the cut!

(Warnings: briefly mentions drinking/drunkenness, mentions some spoilers for the Royal Knights Exam, and briefly mentions childhood trauma)

Questions from this 4 Headcanons Ask Game

Headcanon A:  realistic

Finral can play the piano because Ledior and Liliane forced both him and Langris to have lessons in order to increase their chances of one of them being chosen for a betrothal with Finesse (since Finesse loved music and being able to play an instrument made Finral and Langris look more accomplished). Finral had a lot of natural talent because his mother was a gifted pianist, and he was determined to learn how to play all of the sheet music he found that once belonged to his mother in order to feel close to her. (A/N: I developed this headcanon with a fellow writer, but it's one of my favourite headcanons I have for Finral so I'm sharing it here).

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Finral is a lightweight and a weepy drunk who often spills everyone's secrets (including his own) if he has too much to drink. He struggles to keep a secret on a good day, but if there's alcohol involved, forget about it.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Finral doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive himself for leaving Langris alone in House Vaude, especially since he knew better than (probably) anyone else how toxic that environment was. Though he was completely justified in leaving and protecting himself, he struggles to see and understand this, and he blames himself for how much Langris suffered and was corrupted by being stuck in that abusive situation. Finral genuinely thinks he deserved being maimed and ending up comatose at the Royal Knights Exam, but even that (very warped and incorrect) line of thinking isn't enough to assuage his overwhelming guilt at not being able to protect his younger brother.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Finral doesn't actually want to be the head of House Vaude, though he genuinely believes he does. He isn't suited for that kind of life--the stress of running a noble household and managing its investments, playing politics with the Clover Kingdom nobility, searching for more opportunities to bring honor and prestige to the House, spending hours in the Magical Parliament ect. just isn't for him. However, he is pursuing this for three main reasons: (1) he thinks it's what he is supposed to do: his responsibility as the eldest son of a noble family, (2) he thinks this the only way to finally earn the love, acceptance, and acknowledgement of his family, and (3) he feels incredibly guilty for leaving Langris alone in that house and thinks the only way he could even begin to try to make it up to him is to give his brother an "out." (Needless to say, he doesn't have a very realistic view of the situation and doesn't really realise that everything isn't going to work out the way that he is envisioning). Even in the event that Finral did actually have "desirable magic" by his family's standards, he would have still at least pondered the idea of abdicating because this isn't the kind of life he would want for himself. [However, in that case, he probably would have never left or entertained the idea too long because he feels this is the life he was given so he doesn't have the option to want or pursue anything else]. If he does become the Head of House Vaude in the canon, he is in for a rude awakening. I like to think he'll eventually adjust and learn to be happy in that life, but he may not be as happy as he could have been in a different one.

[bridgertonbabe]

girl… you can’t keep getting away with this!!! *Sigh*FINE I’LL BITE…WHY DID SHE SAY NO

I'm living for the exasperation in response to my general nonsense 🤭

But to answer your question there's two factors in play regarding why Sophie rejected Benedict.

Factor #1: As much as the Bridgerton Brothers are well liked and their genial characters spoken highly of, they do have rakish reputations. They're often photographed leaving clubs with their latest fling, their short-term relationships with models covered in every gossip mag, and just sleeping about in general. It's not too surprising - what guy in a famous band wouldn't reap the benefits of having every single woman they encounter lusting after them? And so in spite of the chemistry between them, despite getting to know Benedict on a far deeper level than anyone else, and regardless of the fact that there's nothing more she'd like better than to accept his offer and go on a date with him; she turns him down. She's fallen in love with the Benedict the rest of the world doesn't really know, the version of himself he hides away, and the emotionally intimate bond they share has captured her in a way nobody else ever has - but she fears what will happen once she gives into her feelings and her desire, convincing herself that as soon as Ben's bedded her he'll lose all interest and thus destroy the illusion of the man she thought she knew and had fallen for. She doesn't want to be just another notch on his bedpost and she can't bear the thought of him treating a hypothetical hook up between them as a casual one time thing when she craved for so much more. And besides, he wouldn't take her seriously as any sort of lover with longevity. He only dated people of his own calibre; models, fashion designers, fellow artists. Never in a million years would he pursue any sort of relationship with someone like her, a nobody who was employed by his band. She was sure he would only want to go out with her and seduce her out of boredom - it would just be a game to him and as soon as she had been under him he probably wouldn't even give her the time of day again. It's this thought process that contributed to her declining the offer of a date from him, refusing to give in to whatever naive hope she possessed that maybe, just maybe, Benedict wanted more than just a fling with her.

Factor #2: Enter shitty stepmother being the world's biggest hypocrite. In this AU Sophie is the result of West End chorus girl Maria Beckett's secret relationship with famous film director Richard Gunningworth. He didn't even know of his daughter's existence until Maria's mother reached out to him when Sophie was seven years old. After losing her daughter to complications during childbirth, Sophie's grandmother had recently been diagnosed with early onset dementia and she wanted her precious granddaughter taken care of before she was no longer capable of doing so. Richard took his daughter in as well as paying for the best care home possible for Maria's mother, and though he was a good father behind closed doors, he kept Sophie's existence a closely guarded secret, not wanting news of his lovechild splashed across newspapers and magazines as gossip fodder. He then made the grave error of marrying Araminta Reiling, a woman who was instantly incensed upon discovering that her new husband had a daughter from a previous fling. She was more than happy to go along with keeping Sophie's existence secret from everyone, though she was determined that as soon as Sophie turned eighteen that she'd leave for university and be out of their lives forever. She constantly shamed Sophie for just about everything though the girl remained resilient and chose to ignore her. It was when Richard decided to encourage his daughter's gift for music, dedicated as she was to her violin, and enroll her in a prestigious music academy that Araminta saw red. Behind Richard's back she guilt-tripped Sophie, saying her father was paying her way into a school she didn't belong in and that nobody would ever take her seriously or respect her for being a nepo baby. This was the only time Sophie took what her stepmother said to heart and actually went to her father to insist the music academy wasn't for her. Despite how disappointed she was to turn down an opportunity she had greatly been looking forward to, Sophie decided not to let it get her down; she'd forge her own way into the music field without her dad's money and influence. It's why she never adopted her father's surname, not wanting the Gunningworth name to open any door she knocked at and choosing to work and practice hard at her violin as much as humanly possible. Sophie worked her arse off and proved herself to be more than just the daughter of a renown and influential person in the industry; she earned every job she had through sheer undeniable talent and discipline, playing in orchestras and going on tour with various companies - and then she landed the gig in the string section for the Bridgerton Brothers global tour. When Benedict asked her out, yes she already had negative-minded doubts of being taken seriously by him, but she was still plagued by Araminta's shaming. Though she had proven herself not be a nepo baby by any design, the thought of being with Benedict, whether as a one night stand or (in her wildest dreams) as a full-blown relationship made her nervous that word would get back to Araminta and her stepmother would claim Sophie was trying to sleep her way into being famous or to warn herself better opportunities through Benedict - she didn't want to be shamed in the same way Araminta had always shamed and spoken ill of her mother. And so, despite Araminta quite obviously latching onto Richard's fame and power to get her in the door of getting acting gigs as well as using his connections to get her darling Rosamund into the fashion modelling industry, Sophie was determined not to become the very person Araminta had always painted her out to be; and she wanted to be better than her stepmother and stepsister, wanting to prove that no relation or association to any man in the industry could be perceived as her trying to use them for her own benefit. So even if she wasn't convinced Benedict's interest in her wasn't remotely serious, she still would have turned him down in order to prove she wasn't anything like her social-climbing stepmother.

[journalofimprobablethings]

Couldn't stop thinking about this devastating post by @ashes-in-a-jar and well...

--

ARCHIVIST You want me to follow him?

ELIAS (JONAH) No, Jon. You want you to follow him. I simply want you to know that if you do so, you are almost certainly not coming back. To go into the Lonely willingly is as good as death.

[THERE IS NO HESITATION.]

ARCHIVIST How do I do it?

ELIAS (JONAH) Wasn’t too long ago. And I’m sure traces of their passage still remain. Just open your mind. Drink it all in. Know their route, and simply… follow it.

[STATIC BUILDS, SLOWLY AT FIRST, THEN STRONGER AND STRONGER UNTIL IT IS ALL ENCOMPASSING.]

--

Jon opens his mind, reaching for he's not quite sure what--the feeling Peter Lukas carries with him maybe, the scent of salt and a bone-deep chill; or else some trace of Martin, of tea and warmth and safety--and Jon begins to panic as he thinks of Martin being swallowed by the Lonely, all his warmth extinguished by that fog--

But before he can spiral too far down that path, he realizes that he not only can feel the traces of the Lonely that Elias talked of, hovering in the air like the last traces of morning mist, he can also feel--can See--something else.

He hasn't been in close proximity to Elias since before the Unknowing, before he really became the Archivist. He remembers what it felt like before, when he had tried to compel Elias--like trying to pull a stubborn root from the earth, just yanking blindly with no real idea of what was going on underneath.

Now, though, he turns his Sight onto Elias and without even really trying he can See...everything. He's not even sure whether Elias knows how much he can see, how much he suddenly Knows, but he doesn't have room in his mind to worry about that just now, because he's too caught up in realizing what, exactly, he is seeing.

Elias--Jonah--wants to end the world. He has a plan--a plan that he has been working on for nearly two hundred years, a plan he is pretty sure will actually work.

And he has been using Jon to do it.

Everything that has happened in the past two years, every horror, every scar--it's all been to a purpose, just one more step in Jonah's ritual. Every encounter with the Entities he has had since he transferred to the Archives has Marked him, has shaped him into a vessel that Jonah will use to call all the Fears into this world and create a literal hell on Earth.

And the worst part, the part that makes Jon's breath catch in his throat and a sick shame curl in his stomach, is how easy, in the end, he has made it for Jonah to get this far.

He can See--he can feel--Jonah's glib satisfaction at how quickly Jon has racked up Marks in the past two years. At how all he seems to have had to do is give him just enough information to keep him curious, keeping him asking--and Jon has thrown himself into danger all on his own, again and again and again. Michael and Jude Perry and Mike Crew and Jared Hopworth, the Buried coffin and the Unknowing and Ny-Ålesund. Jon's insatiable need to know has done more to advance his plan that he could have ever hoped, and Jonah smugness is so thick it makes the bile rise in Jon's throat.

Even the times when Jon just wanted to help, to save someone for once--going into the coffin to get Daisy, removing the bullet from Melanie's leg--even those choices only ended up adding another Mark to his collection.

It turns out, Jon thinks bitterly, that Elias was right: he has pressed on at every threshold, always chosen to see, to pursue, to know, and now here they are, at the place his choices have led them to.

He is one Mark away from ending the world, and if it happens, it will be all his fault.

And then another realization hits him, a revelation that nearly sends him to his knees right there in the middle of the Panopticon.

One Mark.

Just one.

The Lonely.

The traces he found before are still there, and he Knows exactly how to use them to step out of this reality and into Peter Lukas's domain. The thought of it terrifies him. He is scared that he won't be able to find Martin, that he will lose him in there, that he will lose himself in there and not be able to find the way out. He is, as always, so scared of so many things.

And that's how it works, he Knows. Fear of an Entity, down to his bones.

If he goes after Martin into the Lonely, there is no way he will leave without a Mark.

And if he does manage to make his way back out, then there will be nothing stopping Jonah from using him to end the world.

Jon's knees tremble and it feels like something is crushing his lungs in a vice as the weight of the choice he now has to make crashes down on him.

It should be an easy decision: the life of one man against the fate of the world. It hurts, more than anything has ever hurt, more than the pain of any of his scars, but he should be able to make this decision--to sacrifice his chance to save Martin, and keep Jonah from completing his ritual.

But as soon as he thinks of it, Jon recoils from the idea on instinct. 

He can't--he can't just leave Martin in there. He can't abandon him, not after everything. He will never forgive himself if he does. Martin is the only good thing he has left in this world, the one person he has left to lose– 

(arrogant of you, to assume he's yours to lose at all, a nasty voice whispers in his mind, but he pushes it back and for once, doesn't let it take hold)  

More importantly--most important of all--Martin deserves a life, a chance to live in the world that Jon is trying so desperately to save. 

How could he live on, knowing he gave up on any chance of helping Martin do the same?

Besides, even if he leaves now, walks away, there is no guarantee Jonah won't find another way to mark him, even with Jon Knowing what he knows. Jonah has two hundred years of experience–and with Martin gone, Jon will be utterly alone.

There is so much in their world to fear–but right now, in this moment, Jon can't think of a thing that scares him more.

In the end, really, it isn't much of a choice at all. Whether or not it's what Jonah wants, he knows what he has to do.

Jon takes one deep steadying breath, and reaches out again for those traces of the Lonely.

--

[THE STATIC ONCE AGAIN RISES.]

ELIAS (JONAH) Very good. Are you scared, Jon?

ARCHIVIST (quietly) Yes.

ELIAS (JONAH) Perfect.

[WITH THAT, THE STATIC OVERTAKES HIM.]

[CLICK]

[localcactushugger]

Is anyone else amazed that Hawks was only "undercover" with the Leauge for 6 months at the most.

Not only that, one and a half of those 6 months were spent just trying to gain enough trust to infiltrate.

I know it seems like much longer since Hawks made his Manga debut 2 years ago. But he had such a short amount of time on this mission. Hawks was introduced in the manga with his role being the "double agent". We literally have not seen Hawks outside of his "spy" role. Even when he is interacting with other characters outside of the Leauge, his "mission" is still happening in the background.

It seems Hawks made contact with Dabi right before the Hero Billboard chart, this is when he starts trying to infiltrate. His interaction with Dabi in the warehouse begins immediately after Endeavors fight with High-End:

During this time, Dabi is testing out a High-End Nomu for doctor Ujiko. Which means by the time Endeavor fights High-End, the My Villain Academia arc is already happening. Hawks is assumed to be one of the "members" Dabi is trying to recruit:

The Leauge has already made contact with doctor Ujiko, and the Doctor sends Dabi to test his High-End Nomu out on Endeavor (even though Dabi didn't know it would be Endeavor) while the rest of the Leauge battle Machia. At the time, Dabi still doesn't trust Hawks at all and he keeps the hero at arms length. While Dabi and Hawks are sharing ominous phone calls, the Leauge is hauling ass and it take's Shigiraki a month and a half to finally beat Machia. (The MLA is "defeated" too):

After a month and a half of phone calls (while the Leauge gets their asses handed to them by Machia in the background) Hawks is finally allowed into the Leauge when the battle of Dekia City is finally over. Dabi let's him in because Hawks "kills" Best Jeanist.

But there's a problem. By the time Hawks is let in, The Leagues numbers have drastically increased. They have an army at their side, multiple High-End nomu, and are now called the MLA:

Hawks blames himself, saying that he was "too late". That so many civilians would be alive now if he had been faster. He couldn't round up the Leauge when they were a small group, and now they have an army. A powerful one:

He's in too deep now. And you can see the stress on his face. I bet he never expected to be part of an army. He was simply tasked to round up the Leauge members while they were a small group, but the MLA was completely unexpected. Still, he decides to improvise and do the best he can with the shitty cards he's been dealt. It's not like he has another option at this point.

So he slips a coded message to Endeavor ASAP. Basically saying "yo, in four months shits about to go down. Ttyl I'll keep you posted lol". He can't tell the guy in person now, because to make things harder, he has camera's on his wings. (and even though he's being watched by camera's, he also gets followed by guards at the mansion):

After Hawks relays the massge, he stroles around the mansion with his bodyguard and heads towards the cafeteria. With a little eavesdropping (courtesy of his feathers) he also finds out that the Leauges plan is to "Destroy Everything" in four months:

After he relays the massage to Endeavor, he listens to the Leauges plans of destruction as his thoughts run a thousand M.P.H.

Because now "capture the Leauge" has turned into "Holy shit I now only have 4 months to take down a full fledged terrorist organization/army from the inside-out by myself while I'm being monitored 24/7 with absolutely no privacy & also a full time job as a hero + a public image to maintain. And I can only contact my fellow pro's about this mission through code because if the villains find out I'm a double agent I could be killed and Japan could be destroyed. Also some heros have even joined the MLA so who on my own side can I trust? Only a select specific few for now I guess."

If you thought things couldn't get worse your wrong.

Because around 2 months before the raid Hawks' heart (that wants to be free & has a genuine desire to help people) takes shit a bit too far when it makes him get attached to a certain powerful villain.

Hawks quckily finds out that Twice is easily the second most powerful villain in the Leauge after Shigiraki. He's an S ranked villain and he'll kick your ass with the power of friendship anyday. He's a great guy, but him and the Leauge are still planning on doing horrible things within the next 2 months. Twice is going along with it because he wants to stick by his friends, which y'know, is a cool motive. But considering that fact that the people Hawks is trying to protect ALSO have friends, and family's, this makes shit difficult and sends Hawks on some major guilt trips. (I would show all the panels of Hawks sadly smiling as Twice calls him a "good guy", but alas- Tumblr has informed me that I've reached my 10 image per post limit)

And tbh who wouldn't feel bad about suddenly getting attached to such a golden retriever of a man and then realizing you'll have to double-cross him at some point! I'm not surprised Hawks would feel this way, especially considering the fact that he never wanted to take on this mission in the first place.

Hawks is very much a people person, and he HATES lying even when he has no other option. This is a man who got "shivers up his spine" when he had to put on a serious face while handing Endeavor a book with coded messages inside. He literally felt icky and thought "this is low even for me" just because he had to use a deadly expression so that Endeavor would get the gist.

And when the Commission made their "proposal" about this mission, Hawks' first reaction was to call them out on their B.S. for asking him to put civilian lives at risk. He even admitted that he was feeling bad about sending Tokoyami away while talking to Deku, Shoto, and Bakugo. Hawks felt guilty about not being able to spend more time with his student, but considering that things with the MLA were starting to get riskier, and that Hawks literally handed Endeavor a book with a coded message inside about an uprising 2 seconds later, I can see why he wouldn't want to risk Tokoyami being around him. The fact that the camera's on Hawks' wings caught his interactions with Endeavor & the students also makes the creep‐factor worse. The MLA saw everything AND talked about it in a meeting later. Continuing to train with Tokoyami would put him at risk.

I love the complexity of Hawks' character, he's incredibly intelligent, logical, and intuitive. But at the same time throughout this entire mission his heart is constantly battling with his mind. Even when he knows he has to grit his teeth and do something shifty, his heart never fails to put up a fight with his logistics. Honestly it's been a pattern for a while that Hawks' sympathy always "Trips him up" in some way, so idk why I didn't see it coming around to bite him in the ass later.

(Tbh it's hard for me to see Hawks as a this super "Morally Gray" person that the fandom likes to paint him as because of a mission that he only spent 6 months on. I personally, kinda see Hawks as a "good person" who works for a "morally gray" agency. But that's a whole different meta)

Basically, Hawks getting attached to Twice wasn't a surprise. But considering how powerful Twice was, along with his role in the League's destructive plans (He was a lieutenant in one of the MLA's "Units") the discourse going on in Hawks' mind makes sense. By this point Hawks has already figured out all of the MLA's "Units" along with the three "bosses" that support the lieutenants of those "Units". It's noted that those "bosses" are extremely powerful and can match the strength of the heros as well. It took Hawks an entire month just to figure out all of the "Units" members. (I would show the panels explaining all of this but I'm at my photo limit)

All of these members were tasked to follow their lieutenants and bosses, and the plan was to attack all of Japans major cities at the same time. Once the cities were destroyed and chaos had set in, Redestro and feel good inc. Would distribute support items to the remaining citizens in the name of "self-defense". It would create a country full of discourse and destruction where Redestro and Feel good inc. Would rule from the shadows. But Shigiraki would be the main leader. He would become "king" and sit upon a "throne of rubble". (At least this was the MLA's plan, Shigiraki himself just kinda wants to destroy everything. But I suppose this would make things easier for him to do that.)

needless to say, the stakes have been upped excessively. But it took Hawks an entire month to gather this info.

This post is honestly just me marveling at what an M.V.P Hawks is

My guy literally only had 4 months to take down an entire terrorist organization for the inside-out. AND he was being monitored during that entire time. He figured out the MLA's intentions within the first month of being there. And it took him another full month to go into detail and figure out all the members, bosses, and lieutenants, for each of their "Units". Hawks even went as far as to immerse himself in the MLA's ideology, and he had in-depth discussions with the MLA's members. HELL HE EVEN FAKED HIS CO-WORKERS DEATH JUST TO GET IN.

AND HE PRETTY MUCH IMPROVISED ALL OF THIS SHIT!!! The original plan was to capture the Leauge when they were a small group! But by the time Hawks managed to infiltrate, The Leauge already had an army! They were a full-blown organization! And Hawks just kinda rolled with it??? He just kinda bullshitted his way through??

Like, "okay I'm now apart of an army I guess. The Leauge is now an entire organization and they're planning on destroying Japan in March. Let's see how this goes. I'll just have to make this work"???

LIKE HOW THE FUCK IS HE NOT DEAD! WHAT A FUCKING MADLAD

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[riding-with-the-wild-hunt]

Do you have any headcanons about the kidnap fam, especially Mae’s interactions with the twins and mags, and how his trauma affects them? Thx :)

my dear new friend. of course. what else would approximately 68.3% of my brain space be devoted to?

i think maedhros was a gentle parent, the let me do that for you. are you sure? wear a jacket. don't be frightened. you need to eat one out of the pair. as he became more vicious towards his enemies post-angband, so he became proportionately--perhaps even disproportionately--gentler with anyone under his care. he fastidiously keeps his own pain and trauma and fear as far away from elrond and elros as he possibly can. he's always afraid of damaging them the way he's been damaged, a fear that he channels into protection, so he's very much the watchdog of the family unit. when e&e are younger, i think that they read this as inaccessibility or coldness, and there's some resentment there, especially given that they don't know very much about maedhros's reasoning and the motivation behind his actions. i really don't imagine maglor and maedhros having a good relationship at this point, and i think, to some degree, maglor actually encourages this thought process in the twins, or at least doesn't actively discourage it. i think maedhros also feels a lot more guilt about the whole kidnapping-and-home-destruction thing than maglor does, or is just better at processing it, which motivates his protectiveness and desire to be a good parent. there's a piece of him that's trying to make the twins his own little restitution project--that if he does a good job, he'll be able to balance out his other actions.

i think maglor was an intense parent, always fluctuating between extremes. when he's in a stable, happy mood, i honestly think he would be wonderful to e&e, much more like an older sibling than a parent. he plays with them, gives them gifts, really showers them with love and affection in the effusive way that maedhros wasn't quite able to do. he's fun and silly and caring and seems to know everything, which is awesome when you're eight and want to know what bugs eat or why fire is warm. but on the flipside, i think he could have long periods of despondency and anxiety where he was barely able to look after himself, much less care for the twins, or intense energy, which would manifest in anger and recklessness. honestly, i think at some points, a lot of maedhros’s fears for the twins’ safety would be precipitated by maglor’s behavior towards them (he would put them in dangerous situations, involve them in arguments as pawns to make maedhros feel guilty, or be materially and emotionally neglectful). maglor was deeply unpredictable and when he lashed out, he lashed out hard. he could be threatening, manipulative, and hurtful, and his struggles with accountability often prevented him from really apologizing or even talking about it. elros, i think, was a lot closer to maglor and would often take his side, even as an adult, portraying him as a wholly good and caring parent and accusing elrond of exaggerating his faults to make maedhros look better and maedhros of being biased.

e&e, especially as teenagers, i think, felt a lot of frustration and impatience with m&m’s shared unwillingness to have upfront conversations about difficult topics. maglor and maedhros would have discussions (on good days) and rows (on bad days) about these things in front of e&e, but they were often exceedingly vague and truncated. elrond and maedhros talked a few times about maedhros’s past towards the end of their time together, and maglor definitely told elros a lot more than he let on to mae he had, but they never really talked things over, leaving elrond and elros to come to their own, often incorrect conclusions, or find out later.

during the kidnap-fam era, i think, as i’ve mentioned before, that m&m’s relationship was really deteriorating. depending on how well maglor was doing, maedhros often had to play parent to him as well as to the twins. this generated a lot of bitterness between the two of them, as maedhros was frustrated by what he saw as maglor’s incessant need for melodrama and attention and maglor felt that maedhros didn’t care about their family and their relationship as much as he should. to get some kind of emotional rise out of maedhros, maglor would often turn to provocation or manipulation--he would start arguments, threaten to hurt himself unless maedhros did something he wanted, use the twins as a guilt-tripping device, or be sexually perturbing. maedhros would rise to the bait, whatever it was, then berate himself for being amoral. most of the time, m&m were caught in a feedback loop of masochism and self-hatred that looks something like this:

provocation from maglor → violence from maedhros → inappropriate reaction from maglor → maedhros feeling he’s the root problem because of Internalized Issues™️ → maedhros withdraws → maglor gets lonelier → provocation from maglor

and so on. they’re both terribly unhappy most of the time. :)

anyways, thank you so much for asking! i treasure you with all my heart ❤❤❤

[obae-me]

Could I please get hcs on how the brothers would react to a mc that doesn't like or feel comfortable receiving compliments? They personally make me uncomfortable since most of the time, people only give me compliments if they want something from me or are just joking and being cruel.

I’m sorry this one came out late, but I really liked writing this one. I hope you like it, thank you, Anon! 💜

Lucifer

He’s the Demon of Pride, and as such, despite his sound and logical mind, he doesn’t realize there are...people...who don’t like compliments. It doesn’t occur to him as a possibility at all. He loves compliments. He thrives under praise. He’ll puff up his wings and strive for perfection just so people will look at him.

So, naturally, he finds compliments to be high on his list of forms of affection. If MC does something right, he’ll compliment them. However, in return all he’ll get is a scoff? A questioning glare? This makes him furious.

What he doesn’t realize is that MC is used to being used. To being praised only to be betrayed. There was always an ulterior motive, so why should demons be any better?

“You would throw back something I willingly gave you?”

“You’re only giving me a compliment to get something out of me, so why don’t you just tell me what you want instead of lying to me?”

That wasn’t a rebuttal he was expecting. Yes he was a demon, and yes sometimes his intentions weren’t the most pure, but to think that someone would believe he’d sink so low as to give compliments in desire to extort them? His brothers maybe, but him?

He took a moment to look at their expression. It was sour and uncomfortable. It’s not what he expected. This was a problem that went deeper than just distrust in demons. He’ll ask them if they’ll talk about it. They don’t go into detail, which he respects, but explains that compliments feel only like lies, and it makes them uncomfortable.

He’ll learn to find other ways to praise them other than compliments. He’ll reward them with a dinner or a little treat. If they’ve done something he’s really proud of, he’ll put it up where people can see. He’ll still give them simple compliments every now and again out of habit, and while MC still doesn’t fully accept it, they’ll smile and nod this time instead of throwing it out the window.

Mammon

He doesn’t give out too many compliments to anybody in general, much less a human. On top of that, it’s especially rare that he’ll give a genuine compliment. This is the demon that MC should be wary of, if he says something nice about them, it’s a very very high chance that he does want something. Not necessarily because he wants to harm the other person, it’s just that he’s grown up with Lucifer as an older brother, and more often than not, puffing up his ego can get him off the hook.

Naturally though, this makes MC very distrustful. On the off chance he does give MC a legit compliment, he might as well have said that he doesn’t like money, because they won’t believe it one bit. He’s totally in the dark about it, he doesn’t get humans at all. He thought he did a good thing, he thought they would’ve loved praise from him, the one and only Mammon. He went out of his way to ask Solomon about it. He was a human too so surely he’d understand.

“Probably because they think you want something, Mammon.”

“But I didn’t that time!”

He was hopeless.

If that’s how they felt, he was going to have to show them how genuine he could be. He was a gentleman, an icon, a pillar of power, so he was going to have to prove it. Everyone found it amusing just how exaggerated he was, treating everything that MC did with respect and reverence. Even Lucifer was in awe over how hard he was working to treat people with honest intentions.

He would make sure MC was there when he returned stolen things back to his brothers. He tells them he’ll cut off gambling and bets immediately. He opens doors for them and escorts them to RAD all without asking for a fee. He wanted MC to trust him, he thought that maybe, just maybe, someone wouldn’t call him scummy for once.

Yes, the brothers had a secret bet with themselves to see how far Mammon could last. Lucifer won, he tends to know his brothers the best. Mammon stopped being completely honest to everyone in about two weeks. He really did try his best to continue to be honest with MC, though. Even if no one else did, they wanted MC to trust him.

Levi

He has a hard time taking compliments too, so if there’s anyone that understands MC, it’s him. Compliments always riddle him with anxiety. He can’t be anything but a dirty, nasty, ugly otaku. His brothers tend to just roll their eyes at it. He’s a powerful demon, he can’t really think that way, he’s just being whiny.

So if MC doesn’t accept any of his compliments, he thinks it’s himself that’s to blame. Of course they’d look extremely uncomfortable to be complimented by him, they probably thought he was a pervert now. He shut himself in his room for days. The brothers had seen this happen before, so they weren’t concerned, but MC couldn’t help but be worried.

They came up to his room, knocked on the door, but was left with silence. Not surprising. They felt like they had to apologize anyway, so they spoke to the door, hoping that maybe Levi would hear some of it. They apologized for making him feel bad. They apologized for being stupid, for being rude.

Levi opened the door, shaking his head furiously. He hadn’t thought that of them at all. They both end up putting their feelings on the table. MC will share with him some of the stories of why they can’t trust honey-coated words anymore. Levi will talk about his failures as the third-born.

“We’re both a mess, aren’t we?”

In the end they’ll both spend much more time together than they had before. Even just the peace of being in the same room, even if they were doing different activities, set them a bit more at ease.

They both worked on trying to be better at accepting compliments, with no pressure put on them, of course. And if any demon ever tired to butter MC up to abuse them, they’d be destroyed by Levi before anyone could say Game Over.

Satan

One time tried to give MC an compliment that was so eloquently written, it could’ve been written by a poet. They did not take it well, to no fault of Satan’s or his work. It was so disgustingly sweet, MC went pale, nauseous off his words.

Satan felt so angry and embarrassed, he refused to be around MC for a week. Which made things worse. Both Satan and MC were spending far far too much time in their rooms and spending copious amounts of effort just on avoiding each other. The other brothers had had enough. They all got together and summoned both of them downstairs to talk. Lucifer called them out.

“Whatever happened certainly doesn’t warrant this new behavior, so you two are going to talk it out. Now.”

“Satan doesn’t like me, doesn’t surprise me, I knew everything was a lie anyway. With a compliment like that, it was too good to be true.”

Satan was uncharacteristically at a loss for words. The brother’s plan seemed to be working, so they left the two alone to talk it out. The two went back and forth for a while, clearing up all the misunderstandings. Satan had never felt dumber. He knew more than most, even among immortal beings, and yet he still let his emotions overtake his logic.

Now that he knew how MC felt about compliments in general, he knew how to handle them. If anyone thought that words alone were among his area of expertise, they were mistaken. He would do countless research on other ways to show praise and affection that wouldn’t come off as hollow. He’d fight anyone that made them uncomfortable again.

Asmo

He’ll have the hardest time with this. He’s a compliment churning machine. He’s a hype man. He’s a man of love., and so he wants to let the people he loves just how much he loves them.

It’s like never ending torture for MC, and they can’t help but feel like he’s doing it on purpose. How could he tell them they look amazing? How could he cuddle as close as he wants and describe them down to the detail? Every day made MC feel sick.

It got worse when MC was around him the first time he got drunk. He’d throw himself at them, every word he said laced heavy with alcohol.

“MC, you’re so cute, I want you by me all the time. MCCCC, you’re so wonderful, and beautiful, and cute-ah but I already said you were cu-“

MC shoved him off of them in a panic. “Stop, Asmo. Just stop!” They fled to their room leaving a confused drunk demon on the floor.

The next morning, while he fought a demon-sized hangover, he draped dramatically over his bed, running over last night’s kerfuffle in his head. Although the minor details were fuzzy, the important parts remained, including MC’s words. What’s this he was feeling...guilt? No no, he couldn’t have that, he needed to fix this right away.

He brought over his fluffiest robe and a tray with little cookies and fruity tea. MC almost didn’t let him in, but Asmo looked...different. Asmo sat them down and made sure they indulged themselves a little before apologizing. He had gone too far, and making other people feel uncomfortable was not an attractive quality.

MC felt like they needed to admit to him as well that any compliment they receive makes them feel that way. It was just too much for them all the time. He’s stunned, but how is he supposed to tell you how much he loves appreciates you?

MC decides to limit him to one compliment per day, maybe two if they feel like they can handle it. So now every day Asmo stays silent till he can think of the most perfect, most beautiful thing to tell them, hoping that maybe one day they’ll fully believe him and take it to heart.

Beel

He’s very much an actions over words person, so it’s rare that he’ll compliment MC with words alone. He likes to bring MC food, make sure they’re well fed and hydrated. He’ll keep them protected, that’s how he best shows his affection. He’ll follow MC everywhere he can, watching over them.

Sometimes he does tell them that they’re so sweet, and MC just shrinks further into their seat. He’ll frown. He doesn’t know why, but he does notice this anytime he says anything nice about them. So he’ll double down on getting them all the food they want. For him food equals love.

MC found it nice, since he was working so hard on making them feel good without trying to compliment them, but one night they came to their bedroom to find enough food to feed a small demon army. They appreciated it, but maybe Beel was taking this further than he needed to.

They brought him back to their room, and he looked extremely pleased with himself. He wanted MC to eat it all, he wouldn’t have one bite...other than the few bites he snuck already. However, MC begged him to help them eat it, it would be impossible to eat it all themselves. While Beel was eating, MC sighed and crossed their legs.

“Beel, I appreciate this so much, but you don’t have to go this far for me, you haven’t done anything wrong.” 

They explained how they just didn’t like compliments in general. No matter who they came from, no matter who said it. Demons, angels, humans, even God himself could say something kind about them and they’d still take it with a grain of salt.

It didn’t take long for Beel to understand, thank goodness. Of his many brothers, Beel is one them who supports them immediately despite how strange it seems. He’ll back down a bit, but still make sure MC knows every day how much he is proud of them by the things he does.

Belphie

Get a compliment from Belphie? Probably if there was something majorly wrong. He’s not good with words in general, and he doesn’t compliment anyone. Not his brothers, not humans, not even Diavolo. So this isn’t too much of an issue for MC.

However, he keeps a close eye on MC, closer than most people realize. Because of this, he notices one day when a grimy, good-for-nothing demon he doesn’t know, tries to win MC over with their words in order for them to do something.

“Aw come on, MC, you’re so smart, brilliant even! So won’t you do my part of the project for me? It’s nothing you can’t handle, you can handle anything!”

He can’t help but notice MC lean heavy on the wall behind them, using the books in their hands to cover the lower part of their fading face. He comes over and puts a ‘friendly’ hand on this demon’s shoulder. Upon laying eyes upon one of the powerful Student Council, they hesitantly tell MC they’ve got somewhere to be and then scatter. Belphie looks at MC and shakes his head a bit.

After what he’s done, after everything he’s said, he has no business helping MC out like this. He knows how much of a hypocrite he seems. He shoves his hands deep in his pocket and turns away. No wonder they can’t take compliments very well when every demon here that does sounds like, well...sound like him.

“Thank you, Belphie.” He stops, looking back over his shoulder at MC. This human...they were so dumb and confusing, but...he didn’t want to leave them alone. They were exhausting yet because of them he’d slept more peacefully and had more good dreams than nightmares.

He won’t ever tell them how much they appreciate them, which is fine, sometimes MC prefers it that way. He’ll mostly stay silent, but stay close to them. MC can know how much they mean to him without him having to say a word. Especially if Belphie feels comfortable enough to fall asleep on them, sometimes in their lap, sometimes on their shoulder. It says volumes.

[wendystales]

Memories - lrh (Chapter Seventeen)

Memories (also on Wattpad)

Chapter Sixteen ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ Chapter Eighteen

Marnie pov.

I don't know if it was hangover or guilt, but my head was weighing a ton the morning after the party. Unlike everyone, I didn't wake up in a good mood, in fact I was pretty quiet at breakfast. Lucky for me, no one suspected anything, as the hangover gripped everyone there.

As yesterday was still Saturday and most had to work, I didn't have to run away from anyone. Since my plan had been in action since Monday, I took the day off to start packing up some things, trying to get everything as ready as possible.

For today, I had left only the final adjustments, like packing my suitcase and getting ready for my conversation with Luke.

The pain in my throat becomes more and more unbearable every time I hold back the cry. I fold up one of the band sweatshirts I have, watching the boys' faces, wanting to reinforce why I'm doing this.

I run my finger over Luke's face, as if I'm touching him. Friday's flashes flood my mind and I scold myself for nearly screwing it up out of sheer desire. Of course I wanted it as much as he did. Feel his touch, the desire and love he manages to emanate so naturally. I don't think I've ever felt so alive and so amazing in anyone's arms as in his, but it couldn't happen.

The doorbell snaps me out of my thoughts. I hurry downstairs, thinking it's Martin with the paperwork.

“Noah?" I give my friend room to enter. "Aren't you supposed to be at that lunch?" I check my watch and check the time, 1:37 PM. “Noah?” I call him, wondering at his frown.

"I wanted to come talk to you directly so we don't have any misunderstandings and to see if that way I can understand what this should mean." he hands me a folder. I open it quickly feeling my blood pressure drop. It was the paperwork I was waiting for. "What's this about moving to New York?"

"How did this get to you?" I try to control my breathing and head into the living room, feeling the urge to sit down. I start to think of a million excuses and ways not to have this conversation since it wasn't part of my plan.

“In case you also forgot, I work at the company. I am the owner's son and above that I am your advisor, everything that happens to you must pass through me at some point. Now tell me what this story is." I don't think I've ever seen Noah this angry.

“I received a job offer and decided to accept.” I know my voice has cracked, but I pray he doesn't notice. Noah stares at me for a few seconds with a more confused and displeased expression.

“I've known you for two years. You're going to have to try harder if you want to deceive me. Marnie, you just signed a rehearsal contract here in LA. If you got a proposal, you would know from me. Does this have to do with the fact that you're weird these days? What? Did you go without saying anything to anyone? That's it?” I remain silent, feeling everything go downhill from there. Slowly, a fury starts to build inside me. “Marnie, what's going on?”

It's not just the countless times I've heard this question throughout the week. I believe it's because I'm not in control of anything right now. About me being forced to do all this, not being able to tell my friend what's going on. All of this makes the question so much bigger and deeper than it really is. And it makes the fury that's brewing inside me grow.

“My God! Nothing! It's not happening anything. What a bag!” the scream breaks my mouth, coming out louder and angrier than I expected. “I am fine! When are you going to understand this?” he doesn't seem to be frightened by my scream, just standing there with his arms crossed and expressionless.

"Maybe when you stop lying and tell me what's going on?" he makes fun of me. A cynical laugh comes out of me as I go to open the door and ask him to leave my apartment. “You weren't like that, Marnie." I get irritated again. I can't explain where so much anger comes from, let alone contain it.

“Surprise, Noah, I'm like that. This is Marnie and always has been. Now if you don't like her, I can't do anything. Your ‘Marnie’ is gone and it's just me. And I'm going to New York whether you like it or not.” along with the anger, I feel like crying, but once again, I hold back with all my strength.

Noah nodded thoughtfully. I know it's a scene, that he's going to attack me again, he's just choosing his words.

“Then that's it? You mess it up, make everyone believe that everything is fine, and leave without warning. Is that what you're going to do?” the judgmental look bothers me.

"I didn't mess anything up."

“No?” he laughs falsely. "I don't say for myself or for the girls, but haven't you been giving a certain someone hope, making him believe you could get back together? And now you're going to go away and let him suffer without caring?” he raises his eyebrows.

I suck in the air harder, making it burn. The fire burns stronger inside me. The desire at the moment is to break everything.

“Do not do it.” my voice breaks. I close my eyes, pulling myself together. “Do not do it! Don't think I'm not suffering from having to make this decision either.” I can't hold back the tears, not caring about them anymore either.

“You're? Cuz it doesn't look like.” I close my hands, squeezing them tightly. I try to control the urge to scream, scream in hate, in anger, in pain and most of all, scream that he is being unfair to me.

“Of course I'm suffering.” once again I scream. "Do you think not?! Look at me! Do you think it doesn't hurt me to have to do all this?! Leave him here like this and not be able to do anything?! Of course it hurts. Why do you think I'm doing all this?! Because I love him! I love more than one day I thought it was possible to love someone. I'm doing it for him. But there's no easy way to do this, I don't have a choice.”

“Everyone has a choice, Marnie, you're just choosing the one you find easiest.”

"Does this sound easy to you?" I interrupt him, opening my arms, showing me. I dry my tears exhausted. “I made my choice and I appreciate if you respect. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to finish packing my bags.” I open the door for him.

My friend doesn't say anything else, just heads towards the door.

“Feel free to share my plan with the others.” I say tough.

“No! I will not do that. You made your decision, you did the shit and now deal with it.” Noah doesn't even wait for the elevator, taking the stairs.

I slam the door, feeling that anger still burn inside me. I rest my eyes on the wall where my photo is. I go to it, pulling out the wallpaper, tearing off part of the image. I'm not mad at Noah, I'm mad at myself, at the way it all went and where I went.

If I weren't a model, I could be living my life without any problems. Luke would still be the guy in the band I only knew one song about. I would be happy and free from all that pressure.

Still needing to release that anger, I grabbed the flower pots near the door, throwing what was left of my image against. My throat hurts from sobs and my heart clenches when that feeling arises.

““Wait, there's an eyelash.” I say to Luke, trying to catch it. “OK! Make a wish.” I lift my little finger at him.

He was about to take the stage at the Capital Summertime Ball. Luke stares at my finger thoughtfully and smiles, apparently determined.

“Be my girlfriend?” he sounds curious. I stare at his amused face, making sure he's kidding me.

“I'm serious.” I push his shoulder with another hand. I gasp when I see Luke kneel down with the guitar.

“Me too.” he shrugs. I start to laugh nervously, covering my face but careful not to lose my eyelash. I can hear the muffled laughter of the boys beside us, just wanting to hit each one of them.

“You need to blow to see if your wish comes true.” I say, already knowing my answer and I suspect he does too. Luke stands up blowing his flying eyelash.

"Boys, it's you, come in." a production guy yells, already pushing Ashton onto the stage, who is followed by Calum.

Quickly, I grab Luke's face, like I always did before he took the stage.

“Yes!” I give him a peck, watching him smile. Luke hugs me, stealing another kiss, running up onto the stage happily.

“This was definitely the cutest, most improvised request I've ever seen.” I open an even bigger smile, hearing Ryan beside me. I lay my head on his shoulder, swallowing the happy cry I wanted to let out.””

I don't know how long I sat staring at my torn photo, with a horrible pain in my chest. I hug my knees like the coward I am, not wanting to accept that the time has come.

Luke pov.

I jot down one more note in the melody I'm creating. The idea came up in the morning and if I didn't work on it now, I would forget. I go back to playing the piano following the sequence, when the bell interrupts me.

Petunia doesn't even make an effort to get up, remaining on the couch, snoring.

I open the door feeling my heart race. Marnie was standing there with a serious expression. I conclude that she came to tell me what was going on and I am relieved that I will finally understand what is happening.

“Can we talk?" I'm surprised by the hard look.

I make room for her, who goes straight to the living room, standing in the middle. I let a weak smile emerge, remembering all the times she's done this. I stop a little away, giving space, because I know how important this is to her at these times.

"I believe you came to tell me what's going on." I keep my hands in my pants pockets. M&Ms nodded.

"I came to break whatever we have." I don't know how to react. In fact, I'm not sure I got it right. “Look I tried, I really tried, but…”

“I'm sorry, what?”

For a second, I wonder how I got back to two years ago, where we had these fights almost daily. Where we were too dumb to want to accept. If it weren't for the pink hair, I would be convinced that it would be 2018 again.

“I tried to feel something for you, but I couldn't. And there's nothing I can do.”

I stare at Marnie, confused. I replay the past few weeks in my mind, all our moments together, and I can't believe a single word she says. I know everything was real. Every smile and laugh, every flushed cheek, every look and especially every kiss. Come back to Friday. How can she say there was nothing there?

“You gotta be kidding me. After all we've been through this month, do you have the courage to try to say you didn't feel anything?” my tone rises.

It doesn't make any sense. Her speech, her request not to forget that she likes me and today this? The pieces don't come together.

“Sorry. But I can't go on with this anymore.” I can see your gaze looking around the room. She's lying, why is she lying? For me on top.

“Why are you doing this?” Marnie looks at me confused.

"Because I'm tired of carrying this…”

“No! Why are you lying to me?” her eyes roll. I get close enough to be able to hear and notice her breathing.

"I have no reason to lie to you. If you can't accept that a girl doesn't like you, that's your business.” she passes me at the mention of leaving. But I hold your arm.

"So Friday was my hallucination? The two of us in the bedroom. You on my lap. All that desire and lust, was it a dream of mine?” your pupils dilate.

I can see she's thinking right now, can feel her pulse increase. She felt something, all this time, she felt something. I don't know if it's that insecurity from the beginning, the fear of getting involved, of getting hurt that always kept her away from me. The fear that I would be like him.

“I drank a lot.” her voice breaks the silence. I let go, covering my face, laughing indignantly.

“Oh my God, Marnie, why are you doing this? It's clear you're lying to me. Tell me what's going on. Is someone blackmailing you? Threatening you? Is it Stephen? Did he mess with you again?”

“There's nothing going on, Luke. I just don't love you.” she says with her head down.

The sentence cuts through me, causing agonizing pain. I feel my body retract. Your voice comes back in my mind in different tones and shapes, telling me every time you loved me. Whispering, screaming, in normal tones, even the day she swallowed helium gas.

My eyes burn. I don't want to cry in front of her, not out of shame, because I've cried a million times, but out of pride in not accepting that I'm hurt.

“I didn't want to go that far.” her restrained voice hovers over me.

I look at Marnie, not recognizing her. This is not the girl I fell in love with. The girl I spent nights awake just imagining what it would be like to go out with her, what it would be like to hold her hand and see her smile at me. The girl I spent mornings admiring sleeping. That I wrote love letters. That several times made me forget even my name just for saying the same thing. It's not her.

But it's amazing how I still know she's in there, somehow. Maybe Marnie was right that day, she didn't want to feel like an intruder in her own life, but she was.

She herself undid everything we built. Everything we've fought so hard has fallen like a house of cards. The promises made at dawn about our future together, vanish with the wind. I know they weren't empty, but the girl who made them with me isn't here.

“I'm so sorry. I-”

“Say it looking at me.” I stare at her resolutely.

“Don't do that.” she begs in a whisper.

Her eyes flood with despair and I delude myself, even with pain. Her mouth opens several times, but her voice doesn't come out. Her eyes blink several times, trying to ward off the tears that are forming there. I watch her body hold the air.

“What? Weren't you so determined?! So convinced?! Didn't you come here for this?! So say it looking at me, not the walls, like you're doing.” her jaw locks. “Two years ago you came here to look me in the eye and say you wanted to try, you came to ask me for a chance for both of us. So now look into them and say you don't want it anymore.”

Marnie stares at me lost. I pray, I beg her not to make it, for her to give up on this stupid idea. That deep down she says she's afraid to surrender. I wouldn't mind ignoring this fight and pretending nothing happened. Then I would hold her and make her feel like I would protect her from everything, make her feel loved. But my thoughts change and I lose hope when I watch her take off the necklace I gave her.

“I'm sorry.” she puts it in my hand. Right now I don't mind letting the tears fall. I stare at my hands feeling destroyed. Her lips touch my cheek lightly and so she leaves my house and my life.

““What is this?” I open a smile watching her approach, openmouthed. “Luke, what is this all about?” her eyes run over all the details with curiosity.

For a few seconds, I don't know what to say. I lose my breath watching how stunning she looks in this flowery dress with wavy hair. Holy crap.

“Our first date.” I shrug. Marnie breaks into a beautiful smile, making her cheeks blush. The sparkle in your eyes enchants me.

“Luke, when you said a date I swore we were going to a restaurant, I didn't think…” her voice trails off, giving way to a delighted laugh.

"Have I exaggerated?" I approach her, looking at the small tree with scattered lights and the table for two with two candles. "If you say yes, I'll be upset." I make fun of her.

“No! It's perfect, is that… I didn't expect this. Not all of that.” she whispers. "Did you do all this?" she looks at me in surprise.

“Good part. Except the food, the intention is to impress you, not make you run away from me.” I look at her teary eyes and feel amazing for getting it right. She liked.

I take a deep breath, trying to control my breathing and my nervousness. I wanted to leave Marnie speechless, wanted her to make sure I was worth it. And even with all the effort, she managed to leave me speechless yet. My God, how could someone be so beautiful like that? Am I really that lucky to have gotten her attention? I mean, do I deserve her?

“I do not know what to say. Thank you.” I get lost in her eyes, feeling the butterflies in my stomach grow. It couldn't be possible for me to be in love with her that fast already, could it?””

Marnie pov.

Air doesn't reach my lungs, no matter how windy it is. My chest and throat hurt so much my body recoils with every sob. It was like sand in my hand, running through my fingers, I couldn't hold it back.

As torture, I replay the scene in my head again, watching his blue eyes lose their luster and let those tears fall. I wanted to hug him and tell him I was crazy, drunk. That deep down I was completely in love with him, and I didn't even need my memories for that. Luke is so amazing that he managed to win me over again and I believe he could a million times over. I wanted to say that I want him, I want him more than anything, but I can't.

The doorbell pulls me out of my private cell, my mind, prompting me to question whether the bomb had ever gone off. It would probably be Leah or even Ashton, but I don't want to deal with anyone right now. I don't want lectures, I don't want judgments, I just want to stay on the couch until tomorrow when it's my time to go to New York.

I crawl to the door finding the last person I want to see right now. John Letterman has a huge, excited smile, in contrast, my face is red and swollen from crying for the past few hours.

“Hi, Marnie, how are you?” Cursed the day I ran into him at the studio.

“What are you doing here?” John plays offended.

“I just came to ensure that everything is going with our agreement.”

"What does it look like?" I point to my face. “It's all just the way you made me do it.” I turn around, entering the still-destroyed apartment.

"But what happened here?" he looks at the destroyed hall in disgust.

“You, John. Just you and your disgusting manipulation.” John shakes his head laughing.

"I didn't put any gun to your head to accept this. I just showed you the truth, you are destroying the career of 5 seconds of summer. Your person's association is putting their contract and their tour at risk. You're the one who decided to walk away.” he smiles satisfied.

I break eye contact, too exhausted to debate.

“I'm glad you lived up to your part of the deal and I hope this is the last time we've crossed paths.”

"Then we are two."

“But if I hear you're trying to get close to Luke again…” the tone of voice pisses me off.

“I've already done my part, but if you keep pissing me off, I'll go to Luke right now and tell him the whole truth.” I threat, nervous. I try not to show that his laugh makes me confused.

“You know, I missed you, Marnie. That innocence is really funny.” John stops laughing and approaches. "Do you think Luke wants to see you now?! Why do you think I'm here knowing everything?! He already called me, asking me to schedule the trip. He hates you now, Marnie. You broke his heart. I don't care what useless word you say to him, because he won't believe it. Here.” he takes his cell phone out of his jacket. "Want to call him and tell him?! I will help you.” he returns a venomous smile.

“Get out of my house.” I say through teeth.

"What's up, Marnie? Don't be so passionate. After all we are friends.” he makes fun of me.

"I said 'get out of my house.'” I scream, picking up a decorative vase beside me and threatening to throw it at it.

John doesn't look scared, but heads for the door.

“One day you'll thank me, Marnie.” he says before closing the door. I throw the vase, screaming, seeing it crash against the door.

The urge to go to Luke and tell the whole truth becomes much stronger, however, even if I don't want to admit it, John was right, Luke must hate me by now, making everything I say empty. On the other hand, I remember that I'm doing this for him.

I know at any other time, if I knew the band was going through something like that, I would do anything to help. Now, making sure I'm the problem, I want to become the solution and if that meant having to walk away from it then I would, after all their success and happiness could be mine.

I want to have faith that a few years from now, when everything is better, maybe I can get Luke and the others to understand why I'm doing this. Maybe we can even be friends if he doesn't hate me.

I give up, going up to my room for a shower and straight to bed. It's horrible knowing I need sleep to be acceptable for tomorrow, but I can't turn my head off. Even exhausted, I go over every fight I had today. Noah, Luke, and John's voices mingled in my mind, draining me more and more of my energy, but not to the point of putting me to sleep.

The night slowly drags on and the approach of dawn makes an anxiety rise within me. Yesterday they could have held back so they wouldn't come to debate anything, but I doubt that someone won't show up today and, given my state and mood, I'm sure I won't have the strength to fight.

For the few seconds and times I dozed off, I dreamed of the doorbell ringing, of Leah screaming for me to open the door. Finally, when the clock struck a little after five, I decided to get out of bed. Wrapped in the duvet, I walk to the kitchen, making tea. With my drink ready, I walk over to the couch on the balcony, watching the sky clear up for my last day in LA.

Passed morning, I go for a shower with the intention of getting rid of this weight. I lock everything in my room, not knowing when I'll be back. In the closet, I grab Luke's box and pull out my diary and some of our Polaroids. I also take the little white box, carefully storing it in my suitcase.

I walk around the house, closing windows, turning off power and stuff. I don't worry and much less care about the mess I made yesterday, if I ever come back to this apartment, I'll ask for a huge renovation, not wanting to remember anything from that time.

Around 8:00 am, I tell Martin that I want to go to the airport early, wanting to avoid any of my friends or family. I had already talked and said goodbye to my parents before the party. I'm relieved when he says he's on his way.

I take one last look at my apartment, accepting my defeat. I pick up my bags, already going downstairs and moving forward as much as possible to just leave, I just didn't count on Ashton at the front desk of the building

"Ash?" I call him on impulse. My friend turns to me, apparently not at all surprised to see me with my bags.

“Can we talk?” he questions calmly.

“I need to go to the air-” I try to dodge him, but Ash steps in front of me.

“Five minutes. I do not want to fight. I just want to understand you.” he interrupts me.

“You don't understand, Ash.” whisper. “I need to go.”

There's one thing I've always admired about Ashton, that peace he has and emanates. He in no second judges me with his gaze, in fact, this calm almost makes me tell everything, trusting that he would listen to me and believe me. But in seconds this idea loses strength, after all, Luke would not believe me and John could still harm the band.

“You know, I remember the day we met very well. You were the new student in yoga class and I was happy to have someone my age there. We weren't the best students and we talked too much, which caused us to be thrown out of class.” he laughs a little. “But even without that, we became good friends. It is not?”

“Yes,” I whisper, trying to understand where he is going.

“Marnie, I can't explain what was different with you, but I really didn't want to lose touch. I wanted you to be my friend. The problem is, in the end, I took care of you like my little sister. I think I projected that onto you. I've always taken care of Lauren and Harry a lot and I miss them sometimes. I always wanted to and will always protect you, but I need to know exactly what.”

“Ash…” I try to interrupt him but can't.

“I lost you once, in that fucking accident. I lost you to amnesia. I don't want to lose you for a silly thing. Marnie, please just tell me.” he pleads, holding my hands.

It pains me to see him like this. I can see the desperation in his eyes, just as I saw it in Luke's eyes. I know it hurts, but it has to. Ashton was definitely the best friend I've ever had in all my 23 years, I don't need my memory to prove it. Just a conversation with him and I realized our connection. Really, Ashton is the big brother I never had and I'm grateful for that.

Without the strength to want to convince him of the story I had already created, I pull his body to me, hugging my best friend for the last time. He doesn't deny the hug, squeezing me tightly, as if to stop me from going.

“Thanks for everything, Ash. Please don't forget my speech.” I give him a kiss on the cheek, ready to get into the car that has just arrived.

'It wasn't by chance that you and Luke met.” I stop at the door, turning confusing to him. “Ever since I've known you, I've known you'd be perfect for Luke, you're almost the female version of him. I just gave you guys a little push to see each other, because I knew the moment he saw you, he was going to fall in love with you.”

I stare at Ashton for a few more seconds before turning towards the car, feeling the tears wet my cheek once more. I didn't need to be an expert to know that yes, Luke and I were made for each other, but unfortunately, not all soulmates end up together.

I'm so sorry, I know I'm late. I have a undergraduate thesis at the end of the year and I am too busy with it. But I promise not to delay this amazing fic for you anymore. Thank you so much for all the support and affection, you're amazing. Until the next chapter!

P.s. which I will post in a few hours, after all, it's the least I can do after a month of delays. See ya! xoxo

[loominggaia]

Here’s another what if. Noticing that just about all the guys have untreated trauma and mental health issues Evan hires a (competent) therapist to come in and help treat everyone. How do sessions with each of the guys go and who’s the most and least receptive to the therapist aid? What do they discover about themselves during these talks?

Oh man, I could write an entire story about this subject alone...I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but it's still going to be long so strap in.

Evan actually did hire a therapist in "Allmother's Gift", but only for Lukas. Dr. Jan is a telepath who specializes in trauma. She uses her powers to guide patients through their painful memories and resolve their feelings about them.

I think Dr. Jan would be a good fit for the rest of the crew as well, if only they would accept her help. Lukas refused any kind of therapy until things got really dire and his mental health issues began endangering not only his own life, but the lives of his friends too. This was explored in the story "Divine Executioner".

Evan: Evan realizes he's kind of screwed up and needs help, but he's paranoid about being shunned or hunted because of his lycanthropy, so he doesn't like to share his personal life with just anyone. He would really have to trust that therapist to open up to them. I think the most pressing issue they'd address is Evan's guilt complex over taking three innocent lives when he was young--including that of his own father. It's this guilt that inspired him to be a "Good Guy" in the first place. His obsessive need to do the right thing and fix the world is driven by his desire to make up for his sins, which he can't seem to forgive himself for. He seeks forgiveness from the universe itself, which of course he'll never receive.

Lukas: Lukas is already seeing Dr. Jan for his issues, and boy does he have a lot of them...The man is a human bucket overflowing with trauma. He suffered severe abuse from his mother as a child, and escaping her was just leaping out of the frying pan and into the fire, as he landed into the hands of ruthless bandits who enslaved and abused him further. Not to mention he's responsible for the death of his beloved childhood friend, who he shot with an arrow by accident, and this haunts him so badly that he can barely speak her name. He suffers from depression, severe insomnia, stress-induced migraines, irritability, and suicidal thoughts among other things. Of all the Freelance Good Guys, I'd say Lukas is in the most dire need of therapy, and thankfully he is receiving it as of "Allmother's Gift".

Glenvar: Oh boy, good freaking luck getting this guy into a clinic...He's so emotionally constipated that he refuses to cry in front of anyone, including his best friends. He won't open up to them about anything because as a child, he was scolded and called "weak" for shedding tears. So, expressing serious emotion is forbidden in Glenvar's mind. He copes either by getting violent or making jokes and laughing everything off. He would be immensely uncomfortable talking to a therapist. He wouldn't even entertain the idea. I think he would only do it if he was given some kind of ultimatum, like if Evan told him he has to attend therapy or else lose his job. And if he did, I think he and his therapist would mainly focus on the issue that he struggles to open up and be genuine.

Alaine: Alaine is really paranoid about the idea of someone "getting into her head". Considering her past, that isn't surprising. It would take a lot of convincing to get her in the door, but maybe she'd agree so long as one of her friends accompanied her during her sessions. Alaine is a strange case because unlike most mermaids, she actually remembers her time as an undine's thrall. She remembers every little detail because the divines Salina and Marina cured her amnesia, which was both a blessing and a curse. She remembers the faces of all the people she killed during her enslavement, all the children she kidnapped, all the chaos and damage she caused, and these things haunt her so much that she screams and thrashes in her sleep. She's also prone to fits of mania and paranoia, which can strike at any time. She lost most of her teenage years to this thralldom and never learned to be mature, so she can act really childish and volatile at times. Her therapist would probably want to address her sleeping issues first, then teach her ways to cope with her emotions when they get overwhelming. Because as she is, Alaine is quick to start screaming and hitting people when she's upset.

Jeimos: Jeimos would be very open to seeing a therapist. But they're also notoriously bad at taking care of themselves, so this therapy would have to be made as convenient as possible for them. If it's even slightly inconvenient they just won't attend, because this is a person who will starve themselves and hold their piss for 12 hours because they're too immersed in a project to get out of their seat for 5 minutes. Jeimos would need a therapist who specializes in body dysphoria and anxiety disorders. The root of Jeimos' gender issues isn't clear, but their anxiety definitely stems from their strict, oppressive upbringing. They were born and raised in one of the most oppressive empires on Looming Gaia, and on top of that, their parents put waaaaay too much academic pressure on them. Their mother was also severely schizophrenic which led to some level of abuse. Unintentional abuse, but abuse nonetheless. I think learning some simple coping skills for their anxiety would go a long way for them.

Isaac: Isaac is surprisingly well-adjusted, given the circumstances. But he still has some deep-rooted issues to work on. So deep, in fact, that he doesn't even know how to address them because his trauma is lost behind a wall of amnesia. He knows that he gets really anxious sometimes, but he can't figure out why. He knows that he has vivid nightmares that cause him to scream in his sleep and wet the bed, and he knows that certain things paralyze him with fear for seemingly no reason, but he can't trace the "why" back to anything in particular. When the minervae laid him to rest in the Trial of Titans, they took away all memory of his life before that day. But what they couldn't take away were all the feelings his body had developed during that life. The whole reason Karenza sealed him away in the first place was because he was developing PTSD from Disgrace's attacks against them. Isaac still has PTSD, except now he has no idea why. It would take one seriously skilled telepath to break through the minervae's amnesia spell.

Linde: Linde's life was largely uneventful...until the day it wasn't. Everything changed literally overnight when her parents were murdered right in front of her, then she was kidnapped and trafficked across the Serkel Desert by slavers. This was the most harrowing event of her life, and if she does have PTSD, this would definitely be why. She does show post-traumatic stress symptoms in "Body-Hopping" when talking about her mother, which implies that she hasn't fully accepted her parents' deaths yet. It's something she just avoids talking about because it hurts, but I think talking about it with a professional would be helpful to her. In addition, Linde was born with albinism, which is a taboo condition in her culture. It's so taboo that her parents had to send her to private school, because they feared she'd be murdered or kidnapped just for the color of her skin (and we all know how that plan turned out...) Linde hated her condition, not only because she lived in one of the sunniest climates on Looming Gaia, but because she believed it made her ugly. In "Pig Bait", she admits that she used to obsess over her looks and try to fix things about herself that were never broken, and it caused her a lot of distress. It seemed she overcame that on her own at some point, but addressing it with a therapist still wouldn't hurt.

Balthazaar: Balthazaar's a pretty easygoing guy. If someone suggested therapy and offered to pay for it, he'd probably do it. And god knows the man needs it, because currently the only coping skills he has are drinking himself sick and screwing prostitutes. He's experienced some harrowing things in his life, but didn't actually develop PTSD symptoms until "From the Ashes". He took everything in stride before that, but after his wife's death he just seemed to crumble into a sad, alcoholic mess. Feredil was basically the only family he had, so losing her was a devastating blow, even if their marriage was less-than-perfect (okay, it was downright terrible...) He would need a therapist who specializes in grief and loss to teach him how to deal with this better than he has been.

Skel: On the outside, Skel just seems like a regular ol' asshole. But on the inside, the man is a tangled-up spaghetti-ass mess of weird neuroses and psychological problems that even he doesn't understand. His childhood was...let's say, unusual. He was a slave for the royal family of Barha, but not really treated like a slave. He was treated like one of the family until it came time for the princess to marry. Skel and the princess happened to be in a long-term relationship, but she left him for a foreign prince anyway because, in her words, he was "just a slave". Skel got roundhouse-kicked right in the ego that day and it still aches. He hasn't resolved his feelings about it at all. He copes with it in strange ways that he isn't proud of, like secretly roleplaying as an elven princess and expressing bigotry towards elves. He also has a great deal of self-loathing over the simple fact that he's a goblin, as he believes goblins are inferior to other species. There's a lot going on with this guy, and the worst part is, he'd rather die than open up about it. I don't see any way to get him into therapy, to be honest. He's taking his issues with him to the grave.

Javaan: Javaan wouldn't be against therapy. He's pretty open about the hardships he's faced in his life, even to total strangers. He even brags about how he's managed to survive so much horrible shit. He's takes pride in himself, and honestly, he should. He's pretty damn resilient. But that doesn't mean he couldn't benefit from a little help, because although he doesn't express his trauma in the usual ways, it's definitely still there. He has dysfunctional habits like drinking too hard and being irresponsibly promiscuous in an attempt to fill a void left behind by the harrowing death of his mother. Javaan also feels guilt over the fact that he's the product of rape, and he's ashamed and disgusted by his father. He's ashamed to share blood with a person so cruel, and I think that's one of the first things that would be addressed with his therapist.

Elska: Sometimes it seems like Elska has no feelings at all, but that couldn't be further from the truth. She feels things very deeply, probably deeper than most. Unfortunately she has a lot of trouble expressing how she feels, so it can come out in explosive, violent, awkward, or otherwise inappropriate ways. She lost her entire clan to slavers, and I imagine there's a level of survivor's guilt that comes with that. She probably wouldn't resist therapy. But whoever her therapist was, they'd need a unique approach because Elska is a unique individual.

Mr. Ocean: While Mr. Ocean does have some mental health issues, at this point in his life I'd say the most urgent ones are physical and not psychological, meaning a therapist wouldn't do him much good. His brain is literally rotting, and this affects his mood and memory pretty severely at times. Any progress a therapist made with him would likely be forgotten after a short time. While I don't think a therapist would be very helpful to Mr. Ocean in the long-term, I think they could actually help him in the short-term. Just having someone there to calm him down when he's distressed or redirect him when he's about to make a bad decision certainly wouldn't hurt. Currently his friends play this role for him, though some are more successful at it than others.

Zeffer: He's not seeing a therapist. Nope. No way. Because if he opened up to them about the heinous things he's done, he'd have to kill them, and nobody wants that. Zeffer's childhood was a bit dysfunctional, as his mother was working all the time, his father was absent, and he basically had to raise himself in a really poor, crime-riddled city. But after he became a vampire, things got so much worse. His life just spiraled straight down into hell, and he endured sights and experiences so horrible that he refuses to speak them aloud. Zeffer is immensely paranoid to the point that he wouldn't trust anyone who tried to help him. Literally the only person he trusts is Evan, and that in itself is a symptom of mental sickness. This poor guy's mental health was doomed from the start, he never stood a chance.

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Questions/Comments?

Lore Masterpost

[sweetcherrypie1967]

Sweet Tooth

Now to anyone else this wouldn't be a big deal but to those that knew her, they knew she wasn't one to get very confused. After all, they don't call her the brightest witch of her age for nothing. She was always trying to find a logical explanation for everything she encountered and dealt with it accordingly.

But this had her stumped.

Every week her parents would send many sweets to her to share with her friends. While they were dentists and protested excessive amounts of candy, they trusted she was responsible enough not to use them in excessive amounts. They also knew that Hermione's friends enjoyed sweets very much so they felt no guilt in sending so much. It was a sweet gesture that Hermione looked forwards to every week but this week, however, she had put the sweets in a bowl in the Heads Common Room so that others were free to have some and the next morning they were gone.

She hadn't even had any of her friends in the Common Room since putting this week's batch there. So where could it have gone?

Hermione was contemplating this staring at the empty bowl when the Head Boy came out from his room. His blond hair still wet from just taking a shower as he cheerfully bounded down the steps.

"Good morning Hermione," Draco Malfoy said.

"Good morning, Draco," she said, "you wouldn't happen to know what happened to the sweets my parents sent me, would you?"

He paused mid-stride, looked at the empty bowl and pretended to think hard. "Nope, not a clue," Draco said shrugging before continuing in the room with a spring in his step.

It was a shock to Hermione when she found out that she would have to share the Head Dorms with Draco. It really did make sense why he was chosen as Head Boy, so she shouldn't have been surprised. He was second only to her in their year and earned the position just as much as she did. Hermione was so worried about it that she almost went to McGonagall on the verge of asking to be demoted to Prefect. The more she thought about it though, the she decided that she'd worked too long and hard to get to be the Head Girl so she wasn't going to give it up so easily. So, they put up with each other as neither was willing to back down and they eventually became somewhat friends.

"Well you seem to be in an awfully good mood today," Hermione commented

"You're right, as usual. I am in a fantastic mood today," Draco said plopping down on one of the couches by the fireplace.

"May I ask why?" Hermione said amused. While she did find him a lot more pleasant to be around, it was still rare to catch him in a particularly good mood.

"Because, dearest Hermione, today is the day that I am going to ask out that girl I told you about to Hogsmeade this weekend," he said grinning.

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Hermione said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.

As they were getting closer and trusting each other more, Draco confided -or more like Hermione caught on and he confessed- that he had a secret crush on some mystery girl. He went on about how beautiful and smart and wonderful she was, though Draco refused to reveal her identity. At first Hermione was excited that he was trusting her enough to tell her something so personal, but couldn't help feeling a pang in her chest. She hadn't the slightest idea why until a few weeks ago while talking to her good friend Ginny Weasley.

Hermione has her own crush on the blond boy.

Still, she wouldn't allow it to show, he obviously didn't feel the same as he was so occupied by this other woman. And why should I even hope for anything else? Just because we're friends now doesn't change that he's Draco Malfoy and she's Hermione Granger, they'd never work..

..could they?

"Hey? Hermione?" Draco said bringing her out of her thoughts.

"Hm? Oh sorry, what were you saying?" Hermione said embarrassed.

"I was asking if you were alright, you kinda zoned out there," he said with a charming smile that made her melt.

"Yeah I'm alright, just lost in thought I guess," she explained.

"Ok," Draco said before launching into all his different ideas of where to take this mystery girl. Hermione listened while secretly picturing him and herself going to do these activities, even if she knew they were never going to happen. "I don't know, Hermione..maybe I'm getting my hopes too high," he said sadly.

This snapped her back to reality. Draco Malfoy, aka sexiest boy at Hogwarts, worried about some girl rejecting him? She didn't know whether to be proud he wasn't being too egotistical or worried he's gone mad.

"You're not ill, are you?" Hermione teased.

"I mean it, Hermione. What if she says no?" He worried.

"Where's that Malfoy confidence of yours? Of course she'll say yes," she told him encouragingly.

"I don't know...after all I've done? Me and her haven't had the best track record, I wouldn't blame her," Draco said looking at the fire.

"Draco Malfoy, do you care for this girl?" Hermione asked.

"I think I made that pretty clear," he said rolling his eyes.

"Yes or no," she said bossily.

"Yes," Draco laughed.

"Do you think you could fall for her?" She asked.

Draco looked at her for a moment and thought about what she was asking. "Yes," he said honestly.

"Then that's all that matters. If she rejects you then that just means she isn't the one who's meant for you, you have proven that you've changed time and time again this year so if she can't see that then thats her loss," Hermione said firmly, "besides, would you rather go on without knowing how she'd answer? Without being able to say you tried?"

"You're right, as always. I'm being silly aren't I?" Draco said cracking a smile.

"Yes, yes you are," she told him to which they both laughed.

There was a part of Hermione that selfishly wished this mystery girl would reject to his offer but another that wished she would agree, just so Hermione can see him happy. Only time could tell.

"So when are you going to tell me who this girl is?" Hermione asked him.

"After I ask her," he promised with a twinkle in his eye.

"And when when will you be asking her?" Hermione asked.

"Not telling," Draco said.

****

It was dinnertime in the Great Hall. Hermione was sitting at the Gryffindor table with Harry Potter along with Ron and Ginny Weasley while Draco was sitting at the Slytherin table with Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott, and Daphne Greengrass. He's been fiddling with his hands nervously the entire time, too anxious to eat anything.

"C'mon mate, why are you so worried? Who in Merlin's name would reject you?" Theo said.

"Any girl that's got a brain," Blaise teased to which Daphne elbowed him, "ouch!..bloody woman...I mean, yeah what he said."

"Really Draco, could you at least tell us who she is? It might be easier for us to help if we knew," Daphne urged.

"No, you'll find out soon enough. I don't need help I..just need a minute," Draco assured his closest friends.

"Dinner will be over soon, you'd better make it fast. Especially if you want to get something to eat," Blaise said.

"Yeah, ok. Here I go," Draco said more to himself than anyone else before standing up and striding across the Great Hall.

Right to the Gryffindor table.

He shook his head as if to rid himself of his nerves and show his famous Malfoy confidence as he got closer. As he approached, Draco could feel all the eyes on him but he paid them no mind.

Not until her eyes were on him.

Draco sat down next to her as if he did it everyday, and he had done this on occasion throughout the current year.

"Hey Hermione, you remember that girl I was telling you about?" Draco asked, knowing everyone within earshot would be listening.

"Yes..oh! Did you ask her? What did she say?" Hermione asked intrigued.

"No actually, I haven't asked her yet," Draco told her, "I'm kinda getting to that."

"You'd better hurry if you want to do it today," Hermione said.

"Yeah, I should," Draco agreed. Hermione went back to her food, expecting him to go off and ask the girl, not wanting to see what would happen.

"Hermione," Draco said trying to regain her attention.

"Yeah?" She said not looking up.

He gently put his hand on her chin and tilted her head to look at him. "Would you like to go with me to Hogsmeade this weekend?" He asked.

"But I thought you were going with that mystery girl?" She said not piecing it together.

Draco sighed dramatically, "for the brightest witch of our age, you really can be . You're the mystery girl. I'm asking you on a date to Hogsmeade."

Her mouth dropped, along with almost everyone else's. Everyone else was still getting used to the idea of Hermione and Draco being friends and now he was asking her on a date?

"Oh! Yes, yes of course!" Hermione said excitedly before crushing him in a hug.

Draco laughed, "and by the way, it was me who ate the candy from your parents," he admitted in a whisper.

"It was you?" She exclaimed but somehow managed to keep the same volume.

"Yes, but don't worry I'll make it up to you," he promised.

And Draco did just that. The first activity the two did together in Hogsmeade was go straight to Honeydukes and let Hermione pick out all the sweets she desired. Draco, of course, picked out many as well for himself and paid for all of it.

"Draco Malfoy, how many sweets did you buy? The whole shop?" Hermione said surprised.

"What can I say? I guess you could say I've got a sweet tooth," Draco told her.

"That's an understatement," Hermione laughed.

They spend the rest of the day doing various things around the small town. Draco took her to a bookshop, the Three Broomsticks and anywhere else she wanted. Back in their Common Room they ate and exchanged their sweets while talking about their day.

All was well.