#so he doesn't have that guilt and desire to keep anyone else from sharing his fate that lead him to his initial decision to become the pupil

[hemlock-dreams]

Hiii!!! I'm in love with your Spiderman!! Do you think you could share a little more about him? (Also... Are you planning on making a fic or something?)

(This is literally one of the first questions I ever got and I am SO sorry for such a late ass answer)

"In prison, violence was always the answer. Peter never really adjusted to a world that asked other questions."

Hunt!Peter is a man who has built his life around the mistakes he's made. More than anything else, his guilt defines him and, like a black hole, sucks everyone else into it.

He thinks he's taking on the burdens of the world, but in reality, he's a narcissist who projects his martyrdom on others and relies on big displays of heroism and escapes into the suit to make up for the fact that he deeply loathes himself.

You see. Peter Parker is a felon and a fuck-up, but Spider-Man is a hero. Spider-Man lives only in the present, while Peter Parker has to suffer the consequences of his decisions.

Spider-Man is always there for strangers, but Peter is an absent figure for his friends and family.

Because of his venom, Peter is incapable of giving anyone real intimacy and believes that keeping everyone at arm's length is the safest thing to do for himself. And because he cannot give anyone real intimacy (both physical and emotional), he replaces that deep seated need by internalizing his desires and hypersexualizing violence.

However, Peter is generally a good person at his core. He genuinely wants to do the right thing for people and doesn't particularly care about following the letter of the law to do it.

Peter might have a more lenient code, but it's there and it's unshakeable.

He enjoys violence, but only in situations where his violence can be reciprocated and believes in the concept of street justice- which means standing up for people who can't stand up for themselves. At the end of the day, he wants to be a hero and wakes up every day choosing to be good and do good (no matter how hard that is).

And he is very good at being Spider-Man. He sucks at living as Peter Parker though, and maybe this new world will give him a better chance to reconcile these two halves of himself in a way he's never done before.

Once again, thank you so much and I hope this is a decent answer! And because this was a question from months ago, yes, there is a fic: Pick Your Poison (still wip).

[joelmillerisapunk]

Girl Next Door

Neighbor!Joel Miller x F!Reader

Masterlist

Wordcount: 3,646

Summary: Joel finds himself overwhelmed by the desire to possess something that belongs to you, leading him to indulge in a secret fantasy.

~Or~

What Odette dreams about

Warnings: 18+, mentions of Tommy being in jail, underwear/ underwear sniffing kink? Unprotected bathroom bar sex, hair pulling, no physical description of reader minus hair being pullable, oral - m!receiving

Notes: NERVOUS AS ALL HECK TO POST THIS AS MY FIRST FIC IN A MINUTE. didn't know I had this kink until I had a similar dream, so don't look at me, but also, if anyone else likes this, please let's talk so I don't feel weird 😂 thanks as always @saradika-graphics for the divider

Joel is restless as he mindlessly tosses his clothes into the washing machine in the shared laundry room of his apartment complex. He can't stop thinking about the woman he saw moving in across the hall. There's just something about her that captivated him, and he can't shake her from his mind.

As he goes to add the detergent to the machine, he notices a basket of laundry sitting next to his. His eyes scan over the pile of clothes until they land on a pair of lacy panties. A thrill run through him as he realises that they were hers - yours.

The ones he saw when he was watching you move boxes, the ones he watched appear when you bent over and your shirt exposed the small of your back.

And before he can talk himself out of it, he quickly grabs the panties, stuffing them into his pocket. He turns around just in time to see you walking into the laundry room.

"Oh, hey there," you say with a friendly smile. "I didn't realize anyone else was using the machines right now."

Joel feels his face flush with embarrassment as he stutters out a response. "Uh, yeah, was just finishin' up."

You chuckle softly. "Well, don't let me interrupt you. I just need to switch my load over to the dryer."

As you bend down to transfer your clothes, Joel can't help but steal a glance at your body. He feels a stirring in his pants, and he quickly looks away, hoping you don't notice.

When you straighten up, you catch him looking and raise an eyebrow. "Everything okay?"

Joel feels his face grow even hotter. "Uh, yeah, sorry. I just got a little distracted."

You smile knowingly. "Well, I hope it was a good distraction.”

You make small talk as you wait for your laundry to finish, and Joel finds himself even more drawn to you.

As you’re about to leave, you turn to him. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, what is it darlin?"

"Well, I seem to have misplaced a pair of my favorite underwear. I was wondering if you might have seen them around here?"

Joel's mind races as he tries to think of a response. He can't very well admit that he had taken them, could he?

"Uh, no, I haven't seen them," he stammers, hoping you don't notice the lie.

You look disappointed. "Oh, well, thanks anyway. I guess I'll just have to buy a new pair." And with that, you're gone. Shortly after, he gathers his things and leaves.

As soon as he’s outside the room, Joel lets out a sigh of relief. The adrenaline rush from stealing your underwear sends shivers down his spine. He can’t believe how easy that was. This is definitely the highest he's ever felt.

But as he walks away, a wave of guilt washes over him. What kind of sick fuck gets off on stealing women's underwear? He knows how wrong it is, but damn if it doesn't turn him on like nothing else ever could.

He walks aimlessly for a while, trying to distract himself from the thoughts in his head. But every time he thinks about those lacy panties clinging to his thigh, he feels his cock throb.

He needs to do something with them. He needs to feel them against his skin, to smell them, to touch them. But what? Should he hide them away in a drawer? Or should he just keep them nearby for whenever the urge struck?

Joel hesitates for a moment before finally making up his mind.

As he walks back into his apartment, he can’t help but imagine what it would be like to feel those panties on his body. The idea of feeling your softness against his skin makes his cock throb even harder.

Joel decides to try and sleep it off. Maybe by morning, the urge would pass, and he would be able to put this whole thing behind him.

He walks toward his bedroom and strips off his clothes before he climbs into bed. But try as he might, sleep eludes him. The urge to grab those panties and explore them with his tongue is too strong to ignore. He continues to shift restlessly in bed until finally giving in to temptation. He reaches down grabbing the soft fabric from his jeans wrapping one hand around his hard cock and using the other hand to bring the fabric up to his nose and inhales deeply.

Joel's hand moves up and down his shaft, stroking with a rhythm that he knows will bring him to climax in no time. He focuses on the sensation of his own hand, the softness of you on the lace, letting out a low moan as he feels himself getting closer to the edge.

But then, just as he's about to come, Joel hesitates. What if you found out? The thought makes him pause, making him wonder if it’s worth the risk. He decides to take a break for now. Throwing the panties to the floor, he lays there for a few moments, trying to catch his breath. But then he can't resist. The urge takes over slowly and then, all at once, crashing over him like a tidal wave about to suffocate him. Joel picks up the panties one more time and brings them close to his face, inhaling deeply.

"Fuck," he mutters under his breath as he licks them slowly, savoring their scent. He runs his tongue over every inch of fabric before finally taking them into his mouth, sucking on them hungrily. "You taste so sweet baby."

He stops to hold the panties in front of his face, admiring their form, admiring the cut and color. He imagines how it would taste if he were to lick your pretty lips and your pretty little clit, imagining how it would taste when he slips his fingers inside you as you’re making a mess all over his face. It almost makes him come right then.

He moans softly as he imagines all the things he would be doing to you once he gets you alone. How you would feel wrapped around his cock, moaning as he pushes into you. His eyes light up as he envisions how you would feel, naked against him, begging and whimpering as he fucks you. He knows the perfect way to drive you insane; torturing you for pleasure before finally plunging into you, making you scream his name, begging daddy for his big cock. He pictures you writhing and crying underneath him as his seed spills all over your soft skin, filling the air with the musky scent of sex.

His fantasy is interrupted, however, as his phone rings, shattering the illusion of the forbidden paradise his imagination created. Joel groans in frustration, reluctantly answering it.

"Ya?" He demands, his voice rough with need and lust, not bothering to ask who it is.

"Hey, big brother. It's me." it was Tommy, and Joel could only guess what this was about. Tommy had seen himself in jail, his fair share these past few years, and Joel was tired of bailing him out.

"Tommy, I swear to god -" Joel starts, ready cuss out his brother and give him the old "I'm gonna kick your ass..." spiel, but Tommy cuts him off.

"I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna kick my ass. But it wasn't my fault this time. The guy had it comin. He was gonna hurt her. I was just tryin' to help. You gotta respect that, Mr. Southern gentleman himself." Tommy says, sounding sincere enough for Joel to believe him. He relaxes slightly. Tommy never did anything particularly bad, but he always manages to get himself in trouble somehow. Even as kids, he was always bailing Tommy out.

Joel rolls his eyes. “That's what you said the last time. I'm gonna kick your damn ass Tommy. I should leave ya in there."

"Alright, alright, look man-"

"What? Make it good, or I'm goin’ back to bed." Joel says impatiently.

"You bail me out this one last time, and I'll buy you the next round'a beer." Tommy bargains.

Joel can't help but laugh at his brother's proposal. "You're really tryin’ to bribe me with beer, huh? Fine, I'll bail you out one last time. But you better not fuck this up, Tommy, you ain’t gettin' another chance." Joel warns.

"Thanks, Joel. I won't let you down this time, I promise - promise on our mamma," Tommy replies, sounding genuinely grateful.

Joel sighs and hangs up the phone, shaking his head. He can't believe he was letting his brother talk him into this again.

But as he gets dressed and heads out to bail his brother out of jail, Joel can’t shake off the feeling of excitement that still lingers from his earlier encounter. The memory of those lacy panties, the scent of you on his fingers, the taste of you on his tongue - all of it is still fresh in his mind.

As he drives, Joel's mind starts to wander. He can't stop thinking about you, about the way you probably look in those silky panties, the way you feel and taste. He feels himself getting hard again just thinking about it. There’s something about you that draws him in, something that makes him want to possess you, to make you his own.

With one hand on the wheel, his free hand pulls out the underwear from his pocket, his hand shaking with desire as he holds the lacy panties up.

He lets out a low moan, his cock already rock hard in his pants and without thinking, he begins to rub himself through the fabric, imagining it’s your hand on him instead.

The sensation is overwhelming, and Joel can feel himself on the brink of climax almost immediately. He tries to hold back to savor the moment, but it’s no use. Within seconds, he’s coming hard, staining his jeans with his own release.

Panicked, he starts feeling around his truck for something to cover up the stain on his pants. He rummages through the glove compartment and the back seat before finally finding an old sweater that Tommy had left behind on a previous visit.

Joel quickly places the sweater over his bulge, hoping it would be enough to hide the stain.

When he arrives, he parks in the loading zone and jumps out of the truck, still trying to act casual while tying the sweater around his waist. But as he approaches the entrance, he can feel the eyes of the other visitors coming in on him, no doubt noticing the bulge in his pants and the sweater tied around his waist.

As he walks into the jail, his face flushes with embarrassment, and his mind still preoccupies with thoughts of you. He makes his way to the visitor's area, scanning the crowd for Tommy.

When he finally spots his brother sitting at a visitors table, looking bored and impatient, Joel approaches him, trying to act as casual as possible.

"Hey, Tommy," Joel says, as he sits across from him.

Tommy looks up and does a double-take when he sees the sweater tied around Joel's waist. "What the hell happened to you?" Tommy asks, with a smirk on his face.

Joel feels his face grow even hotter with embarrassment. "Nothin’, just spilled some coffee on my pants.”

Tommy raises an eyebrow, clearly not convinced.

Joel shifts uncomfortably in his seat, trying to discreetly adjust the sweater tied around his waist. He can feel Tommy's eyes on him, still skeptical about the "coffee" stain.

"Sure thing, big brother. Whatever you say," Tommy says, chuckling to himself.

—

Joel and Tommy walk out of the jail, the weight of the situation heavy between them but still Joel can't help but feel a sense of relief wash over him as they step out into the cool night air. He had done his duty as an older brother once again, bailing Tommy out of a sticky situation.

As they make their way to Joel's truck, he can’t shake off the thoughts of you that have been consuming him all day. He wants you, needs you, in a way that he has never felt before.

Tommy notices Joel's distracted state and ribbs him about it. "Hey man, you got a girl on the brain or somethin’? You've been acting weird since you got here."

Joel hesitates for a moment, as much of a dumbass his kid brother is, he’s really all he’s got, "Uh - yeah, there’s this girl... Can't stop thinkin’ about her."

Tommy chuckles. "Well, maybe you should ask her out or somethin’. What's the worst that could happen?"

Joel shakes his head. "It's not that simple. I... I don't even know her name."

Tommy raises an eyebrow. "Well, where’d you meet her?"

Joel hesitates for a moment before admitting the truth. "I saw her move the other day across the way. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Just sat there starin’ for a bit, I just couldn't help myself.”

"Well, maybe you'll run into her again sometime. And this time, you can introduce yourself like a normal person."

Joel nods, feeling a glimmer of hope. Maybe Tommy was right. Maybe he would run into you again. And this time, he could do things differently.

—

The next evening, Joel finds himself at the bar down the street, hoping against hope that he might see you again, somewhere, somehow. He sits at the bar, nursing a beer and scanning the crowd for any sign of you.

As he sits there, he can't help but feel a sense of déjà vu. Has he been here before? It was like a fog had settled over his memory, making it difficult to recall the details.

And then, just as he's about to give up hope, he sees you walking towards the bar, your eyes scanning the crowd. And then, as if by some miracle, they land on him.

You smile, a shy, tentative smile that makes Joel's heart race. Joel can't help but feel a wave of nervousness wash over him as he sees you approaching him at the bar.

He's always been awkward around women, especially ones as beautiful as you. He tries to play it cool, taking a sip of his beer and glancing up at the TV, but his eyes keep flicking back to you.

"Hey there, cowboy," you say, a playful smile on your lips. "I haven't seen you around here before."

Joel feels a wave of nervousness wash over him, but he tries to hide it with a grin. "Oh, I'm just passin' through," he says, hoping he doesn't sound as awkward as he feels.

But you seem to be enjoying his discomfort, your eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well, I'm glad you stopped by."

You lean against the bar, your body close to Joel's. He can feel the heat radiating off of you, and he finds himself struggling to focus on anything but you.

"So, cowboy, tell me what really brings you to this little dive bar?" You ask, your voice low and sultry.

Joel takes a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. "Just needed a break from the rodeo, I guess," he says, trying to play along.

You laugh, a loud, genuine laugh that makes Joel's heart skip a beat. "Well, I'm glad you found it. Maybe we can make each other's night a little more interesting."

Joel feels a thrill run through him at your words. He knows what you're suggesting, and he can't help but feel a surge of desire. "I'd like that darlin."

You lean in closer, your lips brushing against Joel's ear. "Follow me."

Joel follows you through the crowded bar, his heart racing with excitement. He can't believe what's happening, but he doesn't want it to stop.

You lead him to the bathroom, pushing open the door and pulling him inside. The room is small and dimly lit, but Joel can see the desire shining in your eyes.

You push him up against the wall, your body presses against his. Joel can feel your breath hot against his skin, and he finds himself struggling to breathe.

"I've wanted you since the moment I saw you."

Joel feels a surge of desire run through him. He's wanted you just as badly, and he can't believe this is finally happening. He reaches out, his hands tangling in your hair as he pulls you closer. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss, your tongues dancing together as you explore each other's mouths.

Joel's hands move down your body, sliding under your skirt and finding their way to your panties. He can feel the heat radiating off of you, and he knows you want him just as badly as he wants you.

He slides your panties down your legs, his fingers lingering for a moment before he lets them fall to the floor.

You break the kiss, your breath hot and heavy. "Take me."

Joel doesn't need to be told twicn.sbb

De. He helps you up onto the sink and your legs wrap around his waist as he slides inside of you.

You moan with pleasure, your head thrown back as Joel thrusts into you. The bathroom is small and cramped, but neither of you care. All that matters is the heat and the pleasure between you.

Joel can feel himself getting close, the pleasure building up inside of him. He knows he won't be able to hold back for much longer.

But just as he's about to reach his climax, you pull away, your body sliding down his.

"Not yet, cowboy," you say, a playful smile on your lips.

Joel watches as you sink to your knees in front of him, your eyes never leaving his. He feels a surge rush through him as you reach for his hard cock, you wrap your hand around it, stroking him slowly. Joel lets out a low moan as he feels your hand on him, the sensation almost too much to bear.

You lean in closer, your breath hot against his skin. He can feel your lips brushing against the tip of his cock, and he holds his breath in anticipation.

And then, finally, you take him into your mouth. Joel lets out another moan as he feels your lips around him, your tongue swirling around his cock. His thoughts are consumed with desire as he watches you pleasure him.

He reaches down, tangling his fingers in your hair as he begins to thrust his hips, fucking your mouth with a roughness that takes you by surprise. You moan around his cock, the vibrations sending shivers down his spine. He can't believe how good it feels and how much he wants you.

He feels himself teetering on the edge, and he knows he's about to come. He pulls out of your mouth, your saliva glistening on his cock.

Without a word, he pulls you up and turns you around, bending you over the sink. He can see your face in the mirror, your eyes wide with desire and anticipation.

He slides inside of you, your wetness coating his cock as he begins to thrust. He can feel you clenching around him, your body trembling. Joel reaches around, his fingers finding your clit. He begins to rub slow circles, hearing you moan with pleasure as he hits the right spot.

He knows he won't be able to hold back much longer, and with one final thrust, he spills his seed deep inside of you, filling you up as you moan with pleasure.

Joel watches in the mirror as you come with him, your face flushed with pleasure, and your eyes glazed over with desire. He can't believe what just happened, but he knows one thing for sure - he needs more of you.

He pulls out of you and helps you to your feet. You lean into him, your body trembling with pleasure.

"Wow," you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Joel chuckles, feeling a sense of satisfaction wash over him. "Yeah, wow," he says, pulling you close for a kiss.

He helps you straighten your clothes, his fingers lingering on your skin for a moment before he pulls away.

You reach down, picking up your panties from the floor. You hold them out to Joel, a mischievous glint in your eyes.

"A souvenir," you wink.

Joel takes the panties, his heart racing with excitement.

You lean in, your fingers putting a pre-written note in his pocket, and your lips brush against his ear. "Call me, cowboy," you say, your voice low and sultry.

And then you're gone, leaving Joel alone in the bathroom with nothing but the memory of your body and the scent of your panties to remind him of what just happened. He can't believe what just happened, but he knows one thing for sure - he's never felt this alive before.

[kirbybecomesastarwarrior]

This might be a dumb question, but mind explaining why meta ends up changing from his anime design to his modern one?

Oh, no problem... I've been dying to explain this, so it's perfect timing with the question. The gradual change in his armor starts after (the Knightmare's end), the first thing that changes starts with his pauldrons. That was completely shattered at the end of the arc (how or why can't I say it just yet I really need to get back to writing it...)

In the KBASW (AU), I lean into Arthurian lore (a lot) here, and Meta Knight is our Mordred. And his design, in general, is meant to show his growth and eventually becoming the leader of the GSA. Adding more purples and golds... this is due to the people he's closest to.

Purple: (Kirby's influence/relationship)

Kirby, of course, being red, is the dominant cause & reason for his change. Not being able to let go or forgive himself for the past (representative of his blue). He's able to accept and move on with Kirby, understanding he can't truly love and care for Kirby if he doesn't love himself first. He lets' his walls down and let's & allows himself to be loved and enjoy life again, finally able to let go of his guilt and his team (Halbred).

He kept away from Kirby due to not being able to save his team and also for not being able to be there for Kirby due to his corruption. A mistake he allowed to happen. In an attempt to keep the remaining team members alive (as well as going berserk after Jerca's Death), he turned to "dark magic... Nightmare's magic," Which (without spoiling anything...) gave Nightmare an opening to get him. And MK bore immense guilt for doing that... He wasn't able to save anyone (which led him to have to stay away from Kirby), finally seeing himself as a monster... he finally removed the blue cape due to Kirby.

Not only that but it's also meant to show Kirby & Meta Knight sharing the same dream. With Meta Knight honoring the past but being moving forward. Mixing his blues with Kirby's red, thus creating his current purple, is the main support of Kirby's group, Star Allies (which is meant to mirror Meta Knight's OG group, Star Allies.) Sharing the desire to make the galaxy a more safe & accepting place for everyone.

Gold: (Arthur's influence/relationship)

Arthur was not only his father figure but his savior... very much idolizing him. Similar to Jon's snow/ and the reference to Mordred. He was seen as an illegitimate (Arthur's) child or, in this case, Arthur's demon child. Arthur protected Meta Knight fiercely...but, as the philosophy goes, "Prepare your child, not protect them..." And tried his best to shield him from the cruelty of the world.

Very much trying to tell him he was no different than nobody else... and tried to instill hope as long as he worked hard enough: "One day he can be a hero too..." Which was a dream that was dashed after Meta Knight got rejected into joining the elites, and they had their falling out. It seemed like everything Sir Arthur had told him was a lie... A white lie that (what else was he lying about...) and doubted their relationship, feeling he was ashamed of him...

But despite all this, Meta is still a part of that kept that little hope in life. Not only keeping his knightly honor & code but all the morals that Sir Arthur taught him. Out of love and loyalty for Arthur... and Sir Arthur still loved & believed him too...

They do makeup with each other after the events of Falspar being branded "the fool." But it was mostly Arthur apologizing... and Meta Knight accepting it... But Meta Knight doesn't truly understand the extent of his love after Arthur goes M.I.A... Despite the fallout, Arthur had continued to look after Meta... secretly being the one to cover Team Halbred's tracks... and was the one that made sure Icarus upheld his promise to Meta Knight... he was still there despite it all. (And like with Kirby), he was initially afraid to admit his corruption to Arthur when he saw him again in person...

But of course, had nothing to about worry ... because, to Arthur, He still shined like gold... (as he always did to him)

So Arthurs' gold represents Meta Knight, representing "the worthiness" he has as a person. The unconditional love that is always there & that you always deserve it. For all his failures, mistakes, and regrets... he was still a worthy king!~

His arch of acceptance and self-love only when Meta Knight completes his journey and when he can take his rightful place as the leader of GSA... and yes, I made Meta Knight's iconic "Get It Sword" into a "sword in the stone reference."

And I'm so glad you enjoyed his future design so much, I'm reworking the emblem on his. It's so supposed to be a deconstructed "M" for Meta Knight as well as a nod to Arthur's emblem.

Not only that, but the slashes are meant to be a reference to sword beam slashes I tried to indicate that with the armor design as well. I really wanted to emphasis the connection with Kirby & Arthur's character to Meta Knight.

I also did this thought process with future Arthur's design, with him donning greens & orange, which is meant to represent (green- Meta Knight & orange -Kirby) when their respective colors mix.

Thank you so much for your questions, you really did have the best timing... I was planning to do this post for a while. And to my other readers, thank you for reading this long explanation. No doubt there's a grammatical error somewhere... but regardless, thank you for riding this wave with me.

[novasjaneway]

Unimatrix Zero Parts I & II. This two part ep (like many other episodes) has me thinking about the subtle intimacy between Janeway and Seven. The ending of Unimatrix just gets me so good I just can't help sharing my thoughts about them.

Janeway: "Ooh, the doctor removed my spinal clamps but it will be awhile before I'm playing hoverball again." A playful Janeway is making jokes about recovering from the assimilation but meanwhile, a concerned Seven reaches out to hold her arm and steady her as she loses her balance. Repeat that, Seven is initiating contact with Janeway. I rarely see her do this with anyone. Janeway is so unguarded with her in this scene. Her vulnerability and trust with Seven seems to continuously grow.

Janeway: "If I ever imply its been easy on you these last few years, remind me about today."

Seven: "Noted." And she smiles with playful amusement at Janeway.

Janeway: "Unimatrix Zero might be gone but it looks like the resistance is alive and kicking. With any luck the collective may never be the same." Janeway says this as she casts a peculiar, perhaps seductive, look at Seven.

Seven: "Korok said he would try to maintain contact, keep us informed." Seven seems very pleased that Janeway is satisfied with the outcome and is behind her 100%. And then suddenly, Janeway is curious about something....

Janeway: "Have you heard from your friend?" Janeways voice drops down several registers and her eyes get super heavy, she practically whispers these words to Seven. She doesn't even speak his name. There seems to be alot of trepidation coming from Janeway about the outcome of Seven and her "friend". Is she concerned, or slightly jealous? The mood has definitely changed from playful business to intimate relations.

Seven: "No, but I don't expect to. Axums vessel is in a remote sector of the beta quadrant."

Janeway: long silent pause with an understanding nod. Why the long pause here Janeway? She's looking her over (perhaps waiting for something else to be said or considering her own feelings?) Janeway is rarely this quiet omg she's breaking my heart with her longing. She nods in understanding that Seven will likely never see Axum again, but there seems to be something else going on behind her eyes, some other kind of feeling that she's trying to supress...is it relief, curiosity, her own desires? Just ughghghgh...the long pause. I can't seem to get over it bc she is so quiet about whatever she's thinking and feeling. It's the way the camera lingers on her too, there is a whole story in that expression.

Seven: "If I ever imply that he was nothing more than a friend, remind me about today." There is a noticeable drop in Sevens register as she says this to Janeway. Also note that she is mirroring the phrase Janeway just recently used. Mirroring is a form of intimacy. There is also a hesitation in her soft spoken words that seems to echo back to earlier in the episode when Janeway asked her who Axum was. A trepidation of her own?

Janeway: THIS LOOK. What is she saying to us, to Seven, to herself? Seven has just revealed very personal information to her trusted friend. She IS capable of romance. Janeway, Kathryn, ma'am, captain...just go ahead, kiss the girl.

Clearly they both have feelings for each other and this scene feels like they're exploring those feelings together, treading very carefully. I can't forget that both of them, without hesitation, were on board with Janeway entering into Sevens psyche to even be in unimatrix zero. That's pretty intimate. All through this episode I kept picking up on intimate vibes between these two. A little bit of jealousy from janeway when she was commenting oh how Annika was enjoying her human side. (Was she jealous that Seven was enjoying her human nature with Axum and not with her?) A little bit of guilt coming from Seven when she remembered the true nature of her relationship with Axum. (Were her feelings for Janeway the source of this guilt?) Janeways startled look of surprise when seven first mentioned Axums name. Seven telling Axum that her name is Seven of Nine when he called her Annika. The way Seven and Janeway both look at each other when entering the mind meld. The fact that Janeway tells chakotay she will not pass up the opportunity to see unimatrix no matter how many headaches she gets from doing the meld. The mind melds themselves are intimacy! Without a hitch Janeway beats down the borg to protect seven, while Axum just stands there. Seven visits her in sickbay. The whole episode has me thinking about them very deeply and I'm in my comfort bay alcove.

[tavsianus]

From the WIP tagging game– they all sound absolutely amazing and I'm really excited to check these out when they're ready!!😳 May I ask for a little snippet or more thoughts on any of the Shanks & Buggy ones or the one where Rosi is a freeloader and Doffy is toxically attached to him? 👀

Thank you! I'm really happy to hear you liked them and want to know more! To be honest with you, I didn't really start writing them yet -just some outlines so I don't forget what I wanted to do with them- so I'll share that instead...

YOU MIGHT FIND MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THOSE STORIES HERE, SO BE WARNED!

Firstly, "I love you anyway" (DQ Brothers): That'll be a modern AU, of course. They'll still have that tragic backstory (just a little changed) with dead parents where Doffy had to take the role of a parental figure for his baby brother and work his way out from the bad situation they've had been in to survive. His focus has been so long on Rosinante that he can't even imagine a life where they aren't that close anymore, it's just not possible. At the other hand, Rosinante feels guilt for "using" his brother and wants to get out/find a job/move out as soon as possible (its like a way to show Doffy that he doesn't need protection anymore, they can be "equals". Hw wants to be someone he can rely on. In a way, he is scared of Doffy feeling resentment towards him for having to have done so much for him as wel. Of course, if the older brother knew this he would have refused all of that, he wants this, he wants them to be inseparable. They can't -or won't, if he has any say in it- have the bond they have with anyone else, after all.) Despite his desire to leave, Rosinante is still afraid of standing on his own foot and that's how Doffy keeps convincing him to stay and depend on him.

The second one, "Lovesick" (Shuggy): I actually wanted to write that since I saw a tumblr post (that I can't find anymore, unfortunately). The idea was that the Roger pirates would dock at an island that looked deserted but find a secret enterance to a kingdom (that's ruled by a matriarch). These people have totally isolated themselves from the "outside world" (meaning, WG) and live in secret. They're not at all happy about a bunch of pirates finding out their home (but aren't hostile towards them -> you'll know the reason in the fic, it has something to do with the enterance). That's how Shanks meets with Buggy and gets closer to him. Buggy had never seen any strangers before, and the stories he tells about the outside world intrigues him and that's how he slowly starts to have a crush on his "weird-looking" stranger. (I might also connect this to another fic I really like and turn into an AU for it. A fanfic for a fanfic situation... IT'S SO GOOD, THO!!!)

And the next, "No better version of me" (Buggy & Shanks) : This is Buggy-centered with multiple POVs. The idea behind this was simply "what if Buggy was secretly a royalty?" He comes from a kingdom (that we already know of, *wink wink*) with a family of lots of children (maybe ten or more, I'm not sure yet). He's (one of the) youngest in his family (and an outcast *because of reasons!!!*) and because of that, he didn't think he could win the fight to the throne (and honestly, didn't think he was fit to rule anyway) so he left before he could get killed by his older siblings. BUT!!!! What if something happens that forces him to go back? (Crocodile as our antagonist, maybe????)

And for the last one, "No idea who you're meant to be" (Buggy, Roger, Xebec): So, after watching some One Piece theories about Xebec and Buggy, I had this urge to read something but find nothing, and was like "we need to change this". I'll be taking more creative liberties with this one most likely because I'm not caught up with the latest episodes yet (I'm still at Big Cake Island, damnit!). But...! What if there was another reason as to why Xebec was at the God Valley that day? A red&blue colored reason, maybe??? (And there's also this other theory I wish to include in this as well, about a potential mother...)

So... this was all I had to say for these WIPs. I hope you enjoyed them! And again, thank you for the ask, it felt nice to get to talk about them. Now I can't wait to start writing! (Tho I have 17 other fics I haven't finished yet and wish to handle the half of them first, at least, before starting anything new...)

[stygia-n]

Tell us about the darkest time you have in your life, Idia

Idia doesn't remember what exactly happened that day. Only the way things had started out so hopeful, excited that they were going on their first adventure. Only the way he hadn't even managed to push Ortho behind him in time. Only the crashing and the scream before he woke up as if losing his brother had just been a blip in time. He didn't talk to anyone, see anyone, nor leave his room for two years. Throwing himself wholly into the work, not eating, not sleeping, fueled by his one desire to bring Ortho back or destroy the rest of the world trying, it was the only thing keeping him from giving up entirely. But even after 'bringing him back', the guilt and the regret didn't go away.

Eaugh, who wants to know this sob story, anyway? No matter how hard he wishes it wasn't so, it is. If anything, it just goes to show that playing the hero and acting as if everything will be fine if you just follow your heart and do the right thing is a whole load of crap. He's definitely not naive enough to believe that someone will come save him like in a fairy tale anymore.

No one will help him. No one can help him. He doesn't even have the luxury of pretending like it's someone else's fault. This pain is his burden to bear, and it terrifies him as a shadow ever looming over his shoulder. What will people think when they see him? How could someone like him even deserve to live? They will curse and scorn his name, and rightfully so, for who could ever love someone as worthless and undeserving as he?

Even still. Even so. Idia's heart bleeds with the love he has for his little brothers — both of them — and the love for the life he has chosen to live in order to fulfil that simple wish: live the dream we shared that day. Life can be so unfair, and he really got dealt the worst possible hand, but gods be damned if he isn't going to try.

[petitelepus]

Could I get a couple yandere mtmte matchups? Preferably one matching me with a decepticon and one matching me with an autobot (like one of each)?

(Me as a human for this ask, thanks! :) )

I am very anxious and softspoken. I tend to daydream alot. I can get overwhelmed easily and have hard time telling others what is wrong when I am upset. While generally quite, I can talk about my hyperfixations for hours (as long as the other person is showing interest). I love dark cloths/aesthetics and am pretty particular about what I wear. I am rather avoidant of conflict and would rather try to keep the peace so I don't get overwhelmed. I love movies, especially those of the monster horror variety, and love talking about how films are made. I also enjoy videogames and staying in rather than going out for fun.

Swerve is Yandere for you!

Swerve fell for you the second he saw you. A real human, he got to meet a real human and so pretty one also! Oh, Primus, you are so cute, he absolutely adores you!

You're so kind and sweet, how could he not fall for you? You seem to trust him because he knows most about humans and that makes him so happy. He promises to never let you down!

The two of you spend so much time together talking about your passions. While Swerve might know a lot about humans he loves hearing you talk about your interests or about your daydreams.

He doesn't even appear as Yandere until you start talking with other mechs and he starts feeling abandoned.

Do you prefer others' company over his? He thought you two had something special… He knows he shouldn't feel this way, this jealous…!

Mechs close to Swerve, like Rewind and his husband Chromedome, know that the minibot likes you and they know not to make a move on you. They are in team Swerve.

Some mechs try their moves on you, like Getaway, right in the middle of the day and right in front of Swerve. It's like they are trying to make him sad on purpose.

People tend to forget that the minibot is a professional metallurgist.

He knows what to add to a drink to make a mech sick, so when he serves Getaway, the smooth mech soon runs out bar soon while holding his stomach. He won't die, but he won't be drinking for a while either.

When the competition is off Swerve makes his move and asks if you would like to share a habsuite with him? That way the two of you could stay inside playing games, watching movies and just enjoying each other's company when ever you wanted to.

Say yes and he is the happiest mech there is! Turn him down and he gets so depressed that he starts guilt-tripping you every now and then since he feels so bad and maybe you take pity on him and move in with him…?

Deathsaurus is Yandere for you!

This brave and honorable Decepticon holds no love for organics, but he will make an exception when it comes to you, his beloved.

Deathsaurus adored you because of your tendency to worry over little things and how you never raise your voice, no matter what the situation.

You don't want to be a burden by telling him about your worries, so Deathsaurus has to goad you to tell him what is wrong so he can fix it.

When he has time, he loves spending it with you and listening to you talk about your interests and how your days are spent when he isn't with you.

To prevent you from getting bored and therefore unhappy, he gets you anything you might desire. Books, games, movies, anything you want he gets to you.

He is so protective over you, that when he can't be with you he has his loyal soldiers guard the entrance to your own private habsuite. No one gets in and no one gets out.

You are practically a prisoner in your room and only allowed to leave the safety of your room with Deathsaurus by your side. He makes sure no one else talks to you unless given permission to do so.

If someone tries to get too familiar with you, they will be reprimanded with a glare that leaves no room to argue. He wants you to rely only on him and no one else. You are his Conjunx, not anyone else's.

[rosehippiefield]

Mental strength part 4: Keiji and Gin

The other posts on this topic:

Part 1: Sara and Nao

Part 2: Reko and Alice

Part 3: Kanna and Shin

Part 5: Kai and Q-Taro

Part 6: Joe and Mishima

This time around let's discuss our two definite survivors of main story: stoic ex-policeman that drowns in self-guilt and small kid that takes as much action as anyone else.

Keiji seems unfased by any dangers, his face is always in poker mode, his actions are logical. Weakness not detected, until trauma kicks in. And his tragedy is rough - manslaugther that is left unpunished. Mr. ex-policeman lets someone die partly because of memories of his own sin - definitely not a sigh of a healthy mental state. Even more, it seems he does not fully realise that untill second main game. Keiji's problem is a constant shifting of blame, for instance, onto Megumi who is shady but saved his life, and responsibility, for instance, onto Sara, whom he leads to conclusions but never takes the lead himself. I also believe that his choice with Kanna could be interpreted as "poor girl will not bear more deaths", seeing himself in her plight. And once again, while being broken with huge shadows under his eyes Keiji manages to advance through life. Not taking initiative, he still takes Sara under his wing. Moreover, the coffin situation actually opens his eyes about blaming the others, where he even thought he'd be better of dying there. But our sufferer was saved, and though evidently Mr Policeman-the-illusion still haunts him, he makes a plan to decieve Midori. In the banquet Keiji was ready to accept death if he didn't have some ace up his sleeve (which we don't know for now), and still he doesn't let Sara to kill Gin for him. No, he hasn't given up on himself, he remains undaunted. This man is capable of cold blooded actions, but he has nerves of steel and makes attempts to be a good person.

Gin is autistic 12 years old kid in a death game. Being there at such a young age seems traumatic enough, but he is exposed to danger every single chapter. Brave child explores just as much as adults, he is naive to the point of giving away tokens just to play, believing dealing with money is wrong for him to do. His desire to save everybody eventually leads to him becoming a challenger in the banquet, when nobody knew the rules and concequences. Not to mention him simply supporting his allies, especially Sara with her hallucinations. Like nobody can claim our boy is useless! By the way, he refused to wish to cure his autism when Midori offered, Gin just wanted to make his mom happy! The only downside of his selflessness is that it can be used against him, for example, token exchange ended in Gin being the target for poison shots. On the other hand, his naive faith keeps others from surrendering to their dark side. I wholeheartedly believe Gin is the only thing keeping group sane in logic route. So may our little protector continue to do so, sharing his strength with others!

[acacia-may]

Finral for the ask game please ^^

Thank you for the ask, dear! 🥰 This post got a little bit lengthy so I've included the heacanons below the cut!

(Warnings: briefly mentions drinking/drunkenness, mentions some spoilers for the Royal Knights Exam, and briefly mentions childhood trauma)

Questions from this 4 Headcanons Ask Game

Headcanon A:  realistic

Finral can play the piano because Ledior and Liliane forced both him and Langris to have lessons in order to increase their chances of one of them being chosen for a betrothal with Finesse (since Finesse loved music and being able to play an instrument made Finral and Langris look more accomplished). Finral had a lot of natural talent because his mother was a gifted pianist, and he was determined to learn how to play all of the sheet music he found that once belonged to his mother in order to feel close to her. (A/N: I developed this headcanon with a fellow writer, but it's one of my favourite headcanons I have for Finral so I'm sharing it here).

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

Finral is a lightweight and a weepy drunk who often spills everyone's secrets (including his own) if he has too much to drink. He struggles to keep a secret on a good day, but if there's alcohol involved, forget about it.

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

Finral doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive himself for leaving Langris alone in House Vaude, especially since he knew better than (probably) anyone else how toxic that environment was. Though he was completely justified in leaving and protecting himself, he struggles to see and understand this, and he blames himself for how much Langris suffered and was corrupted by being stuck in that abusive situation. Finral genuinely thinks he deserved being maimed and ending up comatose at the Royal Knights Exam, but even that (very warped and incorrect) line of thinking isn't enough to assuage his overwhelming guilt at not being able to protect his younger brother.

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

Finral doesn't actually want to be the head of House Vaude, though he genuinely believes he does. He isn't suited for that kind of life--the stress of running a noble household and managing its investments, playing politics with the Clover Kingdom nobility, searching for more opportunities to bring honor and prestige to the House, spending hours in the Magical Parliament ect. just isn't for him. However, he is pursuing this for three main reasons: (1) he thinks it's what he is supposed to do: his responsibility as the eldest son of a noble family, (2) he thinks this the only way to finally earn the love, acceptance, and acknowledgement of his family, and (3) he feels incredibly guilty for leaving Langris alone in that house and thinks the only way he could even begin to try to make it up to him is to give his brother an "out." (Needless to say, he doesn't have a very realistic view of the situation and doesn't really realise that everything isn't going to work out the way that he is envisioning). Even in the event that Finral did actually have "desirable magic" by his family's standards, he would have still at least pondered the idea of abdicating because this isn't the kind of life he would want for himself. [However, in that case, he probably would have never left or entertained the idea too long because he feels this is the life he was given so he doesn't have the option to want or pursue anything else]. If he does become the Head of House Vaude in the canon, he is in for a rude awakening. I like to think he'll eventually adjust and learn to be happy in that life, but he may not be as happy as he could have been in a different one.

[bridgertonbabe]

girl… you can’t keep getting away with this!!! *Sigh*FINE I’LL BITE…WHY DID SHE SAY NO

I'm living for the exasperation in response to my general nonsense 🤭

But to answer your question there's two factors in play regarding why Sophie rejected Benedict.

Factor #1: As much as the Bridgerton Brothers are well liked and their genial characters spoken highly of, they do have rakish reputations. They're often photographed leaving clubs with their latest fling, their short-term relationships with models covered in every gossip mag, and just sleeping about in general. It's not too surprising - what guy in a famous band wouldn't reap the benefits of having every single woman they encounter lusting after them? And so in spite of the chemistry between them, despite getting to know Benedict on a far deeper level than anyone else, and regardless of the fact that there's nothing more she'd like better than to accept his offer and go on a date with him; she turns him down. She's fallen in love with the Benedict the rest of the world doesn't really know, the version of himself he hides away, and the emotionally intimate bond they share has captured her in a way nobody else ever has - but she fears what will happen once she gives into her feelings and her desire, convincing herself that as soon as Ben's bedded her he'll lose all interest and thus destroy the illusion of the man she thought she knew and had fallen for. She doesn't want to be just another notch on his bedpost and she can't bear the thought of him treating a hypothetical hook up between them as a casual one time thing when she craved for so much more. And besides, he wouldn't take her seriously as any sort of lover with longevity. He only dated people of his own calibre; models, fashion designers, fellow artists. Never in a million years would he pursue any sort of relationship with someone like her, a nobody who was employed by his band. She was sure he would only want to go out with her and seduce her out of boredom - it would just be a game to him and as soon as she had been under him he probably wouldn't even give her the time of day again. It's this thought process that contributed to her declining the offer of a date from him, refusing to give in to whatever naive hope she possessed that maybe, just maybe, Benedict wanted more than just a fling with her.

Factor #2: Enter shitty stepmother being the world's biggest hypocrite. In this AU Sophie is the result of West End chorus girl Maria Beckett's secret relationship with famous film director Richard Gunningworth. He didn't even know of his daughter's existence until Maria's mother reached out to him when Sophie was seven years old. After losing her daughter to complications during childbirth, Sophie's grandmother had recently been diagnosed with early onset dementia and she wanted her precious granddaughter taken care of before she was no longer capable of doing so. Richard took his daughter in as well as paying for the best care home possible for Maria's mother, and though he was a good father behind closed doors, he kept Sophie's existence a closely guarded secret, not wanting news of his lovechild splashed across newspapers and magazines as gossip fodder. He then made the grave error of marrying Araminta Reiling, a woman who was instantly incensed upon discovering that her new husband had a daughter from a previous fling. She was more than happy to go along with keeping Sophie's existence secret from everyone, though she was determined that as soon as Sophie turned eighteen that she'd leave for university and be out of their lives forever. She constantly shamed Sophie for just about everything though the girl remained resilient and chose to ignore her. It was when Richard decided to encourage his daughter's gift for music, dedicated as she was to her violin, and enroll her in a prestigious music academy that Araminta saw red. Behind Richard's back she guilt-tripped Sophie, saying her father was paying her way into a school she didn't belong in and that nobody would ever take her seriously or respect her for being a nepo baby. This was the only time Sophie took what her stepmother said to heart and actually went to her father to insist the music academy wasn't for her. Despite how disappointed she was to turn down an opportunity she had greatly been looking forward to, Sophie decided not to let it get her down; she'd forge her own way into the music field without her dad's money and influence. It's why she never adopted her father's surname, not wanting the Gunningworth name to open any door she knocked at and choosing to work and practice hard at her violin as much as humanly possible. Sophie worked her arse off and proved herself to be more than just the daughter of a renown and influential person in the industry; she earned every job she had through sheer undeniable talent and discipline, playing in orchestras and going on tour with various companies - and then she landed the gig in the string section for the Bridgerton Brothers global tour. When Benedict asked her out, yes she already had negative-minded doubts of being taken seriously by him, but she was still plagued by Araminta's shaming. Though she had proven herself not be a nepo baby by any design, the thought of being with Benedict, whether as a one night stand or (in her wildest dreams) as a full-blown relationship made her nervous that word would get back to Araminta and her stepmother would claim Sophie was trying to sleep her way into being famous or to warn herself better opportunities through Benedict - she didn't want to be shamed in the same way Araminta had always shamed and spoken ill of her mother. And so, despite Araminta quite obviously latching onto Richard's fame and power to get her in the door of getting acting gigs as well as using his connections to get her darling Rosamund into the fashion modelling industry, Sophie was determined not to become the very person Araminta had always painted her out to be; and she wanted to be better than her stepmother and stepsister, wanting to prove that no relation or association to any man in the industry could be perceived as her trying to use them for her own benefit. So even if she wasn't convinced Benedict's interest in her wasn't remotely serious, she still would have turned him down in order to prove she wasn't anything like her social-climbing stepmother.

[insipid-drivel]

Trust Exercises

In the impressively-efficient menagerie that is my inner System, there's Marchosias.

Marchosias has always been a double-edged blade to me. On the one hand, he was the single alter in my DID-ridden mind that was capable of terrifying me, and did so with zeal. He had so much control over my conscious and unconscious perceptions that, on some occasions, he even injured me. I still remember how much those three scratches he scored into my waist burned and stung as they appeared, and ached as they healed.

On the other hand, he makes me laugh now more than anyone else does. He puts his sharp tongue and keen, wry mind at my service. While I've never forgotten the fear and pain I endured in our earliest days, he's become my snickering confidante and devious trickster.

He's a sardonic, sharp-witted, sometimes lascivious figure to me now. Among the primary six alters that stay awake and present with me at all times, he's rapidly turned into my shadow. I wonder about where all his power over me went, but at the same time, I know it's something he's learned to hide from me for my peace of mind.

He doesn't like that he terrorized me as severely as he did. In the near-30 years since my young mind first spitting sparks that turned into living flames, I've come to understand that the language he speaks was always drastically different to mine. He let his dissatisfaction and desires be known through force and aggression; nipping at my heels and haunting my periphery like a hellbound herd-guardian with only one sheep left to mind in a world of other predators.

"Let me undo this," he said to me the other night, catching me between waking and sleeping so we were as alone as a mind full of occupied apartments like mine can allow.

"Undo what?" I don't hang shame or blame over him these days. I don't have to. I forgave him for his stereotypical devilish dominance as soon as I made the connection that he'd used fear as a tactic to convince me to hide in places that were safe. Even if I'd always felt him there, in the darkness, hiding with me; breathing on me and digging sharp claws into my edges. He'd made me bleed, but I know now that the grasp was a desperate one. A plea not to leave before he knew how to ask.

"I'm the reason you're afraid of the dark," he explained while I was showering. Another place to be alone, even though he had to persuade Sal to give us the room. Sal is very particular about the ritual and therapy of bathing, and usually joins me like a cat in a patch of sunlight when the warm patter of the water starts lighting up our shared nervous system.

"You're also the reason I lived at all. One of them, anyway." It doesn't feel strange to talk out loud anymore, even if his words are always contained neatly in my head. "You shouldn't feel guilty. It's not a good look on a proud bastard like you, anyway. You did what you could with the abilities you had."

"And scarred you permanently for it."

"You usually like that kind of thing."

Between us both, I could see our shared memory flash back to those three cuts on my side. The first time he'd made me bleed. They were from his fingernails. The cuts are long healed and left no scars, but I still remember them. To this day, if I think enough about it, I can feel the burning sting again.

"Let me take the fear away." It's strange to have your own reverie broken by someone that isn't there. I was in bed again when he once again bore his uncharacteristic guilt to me.

"How?" Marchosias always comes with strings. He likes it that way. He never makes an offer unless there's something to be gained.

He still remembers how to make me feel him as something imposing; a power I barely comprehend, but keep tamed with reason and wit. He was silent, waiting for me to grow bored and slip deeper into sleep. As I tumbled deeper toward sleeping, I landed in the dark heart of the pit he's carved for himself in my deepest psyche; a lightless place amassed with an embarrassment of riches and bones alike.

It's the one place he has the most control, where I need an invitation to go; another gift I'd given him once I'd learned to forgive, but I never liked it there. I learned to love Marchosias through the art of perpetual caution in trusting him with power unattended, while being mindful to never fully take my mind's eye off him for long.

He was still making himself appear human to me, even though I could smell his other, more terrifying guise from being in his private space. He'd chosen a human appearance as a returned offering of peace; a face I could trust, while he tucked the monster I remembered away in the shadows until I needed his claws and fangs at my service.

I still flinched when he reached for me, and started to sweat when his palm slid up my back. "Just sit with me like this. Open up the fear to me, and trust me to gently put it back in its box when it starts to climb out. I own your fear. Let me show you I'm worth the trouble."

I consented. He'd been building up to this request for days, no doubt aware it was one of the biggest tests of my trust he could have asked for. As the owner of my fears, giving up the burden of having to master them alone was an offer I couldn't refuse out of hand. Marchosias doesn't feel fear, except for his pride and his life, and I always envied that part of him; even coveted it.

He pushed me onto my back, and there was suddenly no bed to catch me. Instead, it was a sea of brackish, dark water. I was blind to everything but a few speckles of light overhead; flimsy stars that he'd hung to keep me from losing my equilibrium in a world where gravity was something I had to remember in order for it to exist.

Marchosias was silent, floating beneath the water like my shadow, his hands touching and pushing at me when I started to founder and sink. "Trust me," he kept whispering. "I won't let you drown. Trust me. Trust me."

He held me in that place for hours, until I was too weary from coming within a razor's edge of panicking completely. He kept floating me on a tarry, black ocean of terror, treading water. When I began to slip beneath the waves even with his gentle touches, the waters dried up, and I was back in his bed with the same rough palm caressing my back. He made his world move around me, so his bed was suddenly embracing me, and I was safe beneath the blankets as I collapsed into a dreamless sleep with my oldest enemy.

I woke up at 2am and looked out into the darkness beyond my window.

For once, I didn't panic.

[journalofimprobablethings]

Couldn't stop thinking about this devastating post by @ashes-in-a-jar and well...

--

ARCHIVIST You want me to follow him?

ELIAS (JONAH) No, Jon. You want you to follow him. I simply want you to know that if you do so, you are almost certainly not coming back. To go into the Lonely willingly is as good as death.

[THERE IS NO HESITATION.]

ARCHIVIST How do I do it?

ELIAS (JONAH) Wasn’t too long ago. And I’m sure traces of their passage still remain. Just open your mind. Drink it all in. Know their route, and simply… follow it.

[STATIC BUILDS, SLOWLY AT FIRST, THEN STRONGER AND STRONGER UNTIL IT IS ALL ENCOMPASSING.]

--

Jon opens his mind, reaching for he's not quite sure what--the feeling Peter Lukas carries with him maybe, the scent of salt and a bone-deep chill; or else some trace of Martin, of tea and warmth and safety--and Jon begins to panic as he thinks of Martin being swallowed by the Lonely, all his warmth extinguished by that fog--

But before he can spiral too far down that path, he realizes that he not only can feel the traces of the Lonely that Elias talked of, hovering in the air like the last traces of morning mist, he can also feel--can See--something else.

He hasn't been in close proximity to Elias since before the Unknowing, before he really became the Archivist. He remembers what it felt like before, when he had tried to compel Elias--like trying to pull a stubborn root from the earth, just yanking blindly with no real idea of what was going on underneath.

Now, though, he turns his Sight onto Elias and without even really trying he can See...everything. He's not even sure whether Elias knows how much he can see, how much he suddenly Knows, but he doesn't have room in his mind to worry about that just now, because he's too caught up in realizing what, exactly, he is seeing.

Elias--Jonah--wants to end the world. He has a plan--a plan that he has been working on for nearly two hundred years, a plan he is pretty sure will actually work.

And he has been using Jon to do it.

Everything that has happened in the past two years, every horror, every scar--it's all been to a purpose, just one more step in Jonah's ritual. Every encounter with the Entities he has had since he transferred to the Archives has Marked him, has shaped him into a vessel that Jonah will use to call all the Fears into this world and create a literal hell on Earth.

And the worst part, the part that makes Jon's breath catch in his throat and a sick shame curl in his stomach, is how easy, in the end, he has made it for Jonah to get this far.

He can See--he can feel--Jonah's glib satisfaction at how quickly Jon has racked up Marks in the past two years. At how all he seems to have had to do is give him just enough information to keep him curious, keeping him asking--and Jon has thrown himself into danger all on his own, again and again and again. Michael and Jude Perry and Mike Crew and Jared Hopworth, the Buried coffin and the Unknowing and Ny-Ålesund. Jon's insatiable need to know has done more to advance his plan that he could have ever hoped, and Jonah smugness is so thick it makes the bile rise in Jon's throat.

Even the times when Jon just wanted to help, to save someone for once--going into the coffin to get Daisy, removing the bullet from Melanie's leg--even those choices only ended up adding another Mark to his collection.

It turns out, Jon thinks bitterly, that Elias was right: he has pressed on at every threshold, always chosen to see, to pursue, to know, and now here they are, at the place his choices have led them to.

He is one Mark away from ending the world, and if it happens, it will be all his fault.

And then another realization hits him, a revelation that nearly sends him to his knees right there in the middle of the Panopticon.

One Mark.

Just one.

The Lonely.

The traces he found before are still there, and he Knows exactly how to use them to step out of this reality and into Peter Lukas's domain. The thought of it terrifies him. He is scared that he won't be able to find Martin, that he will lose him in there, that he will lose himself in there and not be able to find the way out. He is, as always, so scared of so many things.

And that's how it works, he Knows. Fear of an Entity, down to his bones.

If he goes after Martin into the Lonely, there is no way he will leave without a Mark.

And if he does manage to make his way back out, then there will be nothing stopping Jonah from using him to end the world.

Jon's knees tremble and it feels like something is crushing his lungs in a vice as the weight of the choice he now has to make crashes down on him.

It should be an easy decision: the life of one man against the fate of the world. It hurts, more than anything has ever hurt, more than the pain of any of his scars, but he should be able to make this decision--to sacrifice his chance to save Martin, and keep Jonah from completing his ritual.

But as soon as he thinks of it, Jon recoils from the idea on instinct. 

He can't--he can't just leave Martin in there. He can't abandon him, not after everything. He will never forgive himself if he does. Martin is the only good thing he has left in this world, the one person he has left to lose– 

(arrogant of you, to assume he's yours to lose at all, a nasty voice whispers in his mind, but he pushes it back and for once, doesn't let it take hold)  

More importantly--most important of all--Martin deserves a life, a chance to live in the world that Jon is trying so desperately to save. 

How could he live on, knowing he gave up on any chance of helping Martin do the same?

Besides, even if he leaves now, walks away, there is no guarantee Jonah won't find another way to mark him, even with Jon Knowing what he knows. Jonah has two hundred years of experience–and with Martin gone, Jon will be utterly alone.

There is so much in their world to fear–but right now, in this moment, Jon can't think of a thing that scares him more.

In the end, really, it isn't much of a choice at all. Whether or not it's what Jonah wants, he knows what he has to do.

Jon takes one deep steadying breath, and reaches out again for those traces of the Lonely.

--

[THE STATIC ONCE AGAIN RISES.]

ELIAS (JONAH) Very good. Are you scared, Jon?

ARCHIVIST (quietly) Yes.

ELIAS (JONAH) Perfect.

[WITH THAT, THE STATIC OVERTAKES HIM.]

[CLICK]

[localcactushugger]

Is anyone else amazed that Hawks was only "undercover" with the Leauge for 6 months at the most.

Not only that, one and a half of those 6 months were spent just trying to gain enough trust to infiltrate.

I know it seems like much longer since Hawks made his Manga debut 2 years ago. But he had such a short amount of time on this mission. Hawks was introduced in the manga with his role being the "double agent". We literally have not seen Hawks outside of his "spy" role. Even when he is interacting with other characters outside of the Leauge, his "mission" is still happening in the background.

It seems Hawks made contact with Dabi right before the Hero Billboard chart, this is when he starts trying to infiltrate. His interaction with Dabi in the warehouse begins immediately after Endeavors fight with High-End:

During this time, Dabi is testing out a High-End Nomu for doctor Ujiko. Which means by the time Endeavor fights High-End, the My Villain Academia arc is already happening. Hawks is assumed to be one of the "members" Dabi is trying to recruit:

The Leauge has already made contact with doctor Ujiko, and the Doctor sends Dabi to test his High-End Nomu out on Endeavor (even though Dabi didn't know it would be Endeavor) while the rest of the Leauge battle Machia. At the time, Dabi still doesn't trust Hawks at all and he keeps the hero at arms length. While Dabi and Hawks are sharing ominous phone calls, the Leauge is hauling ass and it take's Shigiraki a month and a half to finally beat Machia. (The MLA is "defeated" too):

After a month and a half of phone calls (while the Leauge gets their asses handed to them by Machia in the background) Hawks is finally allowed into the Leauge when the battle of Dekia City is finally over. Dabi let's him in because Hawks "kills" Best Jeanist.

But there's a problem. By the time Hawks is let in, The Leagues numbers have drastically increased. They have an army at their side, multiple High-End nomu, and are now called the MLA:

Hawks blames himself, saying that he was "too late". That so many civilians would be alive now if he had been faster. He couldn't round up the Leauge when they were a small group, and now they have an army. A powerful one:

He's in too deep now. And you can see the stress on his face. I bet he never expected to be part of an army. He was simply tasked to round up the Leauge members while they were a small group, but the MLA was completely unexpected. Still, he decides to improvise and do the best he can with the shitty cards he's been dealt. It's not like he has another option at this point.

So he slips a coded message to Endeavor ASAP. Basically saying "yo, in four months shits about to go down. Ttyl I'll keep you posted lol". He can't tell the guy in person now, because to make things harder, he has camera's on his wings. (and even though he's being watched by camera's, he also gets followed by guards at the mansion):

After Hawks relays the massge, he stroles around the mansion with his bodyguard and heads towards the cafeteria. With a little eavesdropping (courtesy of his feathers) he also finds out that the Leauges plan is to "Destroy Everything" in four months:

After he relays the massage to Endeavor, he listens to the Leauges plans of destruction as his thoughts run a thousand M.P.H.

Because now "capture the Leauge" has turned into "Holy shit I now only have 4 months to take down a full fledged terrorist organization/army from the inside-out by myself while I'm being monitored 24/7 with absolutely no privacy & also a full time job as a hero + a public image to maintain. And I can only contact my fellow pro's about this mission through code because if the villains find out I'm a double agent I could be killed and Japan could be destroyed. Also some heros have even joined the MLA so who on my own side can I trust? Only a select specific few for now I guess."

If you thought things couldn't get worse your wrong.

Because around 2 months before the raid Hawks' heart (that wants to be free & has a genuine desire to help people) takes shit a bit too far when it makes him get attached to a certain powerful villain.

Hawks quckily finds out that Twice is easily the second most powerful villain in the Leauge after Shigiraki. He's an S ranked villain and he'll kick your ass with the power of friendship anyday. He's a great guy, but him and the Leauge are still planning on doing horrible things within the next 2 months. Twice is going along with it because he wants to stick by his friends, which y'know, is a cool motive. But considering that fact that the people Hawks is trying to protect ALSO have friends, and family's, this makes shit difficult and sends Hawks on some major guilt trips. (I would show all the panels of Hawks sadly smiling as Twice calls him a "good guy", but alas- Tumblr has informed me that I've reached my 10 image per post limit)

And tbh who wouldn't feel bad about suddenly getting attached to such a golden retriever of a man and then realizing you'll have to double-cross him at some point! I'm not surprised Hawks would feel this way, especially considering the fact that he never wanted to take on this mission in the first place.

Hawks is very much a people person, and he HATES lying even when he has no other option. This is a man who got "shivers up his spine" when he had to put on a serious face while handing Endeavor a book with coded messages inside. He literally felt icky and thought "this is low even for me" just because he had to use a deadly expression so that Endeavor would get the gist.

And when the Commission made their "proposal" about this mission, Hawks' first reaction was to call them out on their B.S. for asking him to put civilian lives at risk. He even admitted that he was feeling bad about sending Tokoyami away while talking to Deku, Shoto, and Bakugo. Hawks felt guilty about not being able to spend more time with his student, but considering that things with the MLA were starting to get riskier, and that Hawks literally handed Endeavor a book with a coded message inside about an uprising 2 seconds later, I can see why he wouldn't want to risk Tokoyami being around him. The fact that the camera's on Hawks' wings caught his interactions with Endeavor & the students also makes the creep‐factor worse. The MLA saw everything AND talked about it in a meeting later. Continuing to train with Tokoyami would put him at risk.

I love the complexity of Hawks' character, he's incredibly intelligent, logical, and intuitive. But at the same time throughout this entire mission his heart is constantly battling with his mind. Even when he knows he has to grit his teeth and do something shifty, his heart never fails to put up a fight with his logistics. Honestly it's been a pattern for a while that Hawks' sympathy always "Trips him up" in some way, so idk why I didn't see it coming around to bite him in the ass later.

(Tbh it's hard for me to see Hawks as a this super "Morally Gray" person that the fandom likes to paint him as because of a mission that he only spent 6 months on. I personally, kinda see Hawks as a "good person" who works for a "morally gray" agency. But that's a whole different meta)

Basically, Hawks getting attached to Twice wasn't a surprise. But considering how powerful Twice was, along with his role in the League's destructive plans (He was a lieutenant in one of the MLA's "Units") the discourse going on in Hawks' mind makes sense. By this point Hawks has already figured out all of the MLA's "Units" along with the three "bosses" that support the lieutenants of those "Units". It's noted that those "bosses" are extremely powerful and can match the strength of the heros as well. It took Hawks an entire month just to figure out all of the "Units" members. (I would show the panels explaining all of this but I'm at my photo limit)

All of these members were tasked to follow their lieutenants and bosses, and the plan was to attack all of Japans major cities at the same time. Once the cities were destroyed and chaos had set in, Redestro and feel good inc. Would distribute support items to the remaining citizens in the name of "self-defense". It would create a country full of discourse and destruction where Redestro and Feel good inc. Would rule from the shadows. But Shigiraki would be the main leader. He would become "king" and sit upon a "throne of rubble". (At least this was the MLA's plan, Shigiraki himself just kinda wants to destroy everything. But I suppose this would make things easier for him to do that.)

needless to say, the stakes have been upped excessively. But it took Hawks an entire month to gather this info.

This post is honestly just me marveling at what an M.V.P Hawks is

My guy literally only had 4 months to take down an entire terrorist organization for the inside-out. AND he was being monitored during that entire time. He figured out the MLA's intentions within the first month of being there. And it took him another full month to go into detail and figure out all the members, bosses, and lieutenants, for each of their "Units". Hawks even went as far as to immerse himself in the MLA's ideology, and he had in-depth discussions with the MLA's members. HELL HE EVEN FAKED HIS CO-WORKERS DEATH JUST TO GET IN.

AND HE PRETTY MUCH IMPROVISED ALL OF THIS SHIT!!! The original plan was to capture the Leauge when they were a small group! But by the time Hawks managed to infiltrate, The Leauge already had an army! They were a full-blown organization! And Hawks just kinda rolled with it??? He just kinda bullshitted his way through??

Like, "okay I'm now apart of an army I guess. The Leauge is now an entire organization and they're planning on destroying Japan in March. Let's see how this goes. I'll just have to make this work"???

LIKE HOW THE FUCK IS HE NOT DEAD! WHAT A FUCKING MADLAD

[guardianspirits13]

I wanna talk about Natsuo Todoroki for a second here.

tw// mentions of abuse, self harm, and suicide

Natsuo visibly has the most emotional trauma out of anyone else in his family (Touya not included), and I really wanna talk about why that is.

For starters, we haven't seen him really smile since he was introduced in chapter 187. He's introduced as having a friendly, easygoing persona and it's easy to imagine this is how most people outside of his family know him. However, every time we see him appear since then, another layer of his trauma is revealed and expanded upon, and it cuts DEEP.

I think the main reason that Natsuo still seems so vulnerable compared to the rest of his family is different than what you'd assume. Fuyumi and Shouto both spend a lot of time around Endeavor, and have been in close proximity to his (relatively recent) decision to atone. They have seen his growth firsthand and come to terms with it. Rei has obviously taken a very different path to healing- not entirely voluntarily- but she has been working with doctors and therapists for years to change and recover and reconnect with herself and her children. Natsuo is off at college, and takes every opportunity he can to avoid Endeavor. He (understandably) wants nothing to do with him, and shows stagnant resistance to his attempts to atone.

The reason why Natsuo can't move on from the past is because his trauma didn't come from Endeavor. It came from Touya.

Now initially we were led to believe that it was simply Touya's untimely death that still bothers Natsuo, and it makes sense seeing how Endeavor drove him to the edge. Losing his best friend and brother as a young kid without parents to support him or any therapist to speak of can absolutely been the source of persistent emotional damage, but the more and more we learn about Touya's situation, the more evident it becomes that Natsuo's trauma is much much deeper than even grief.

Touya, as we know, was driven by an ambition instilled in him by his father and experienced extreme rejection sensitivity when those ambitions were no longer realistic. Touya's relationship with his parents could be described as insecure attachment, a psychological term primarily regarding how kids react and respond to their parents and other close relationships. As he was raised, Touya learned to equate his potential to be a hero with his personal worth and similarly confounded attention with love. The difference being, of course, that love is unconditional, but even attention was being continually directed away from him as a punishment for continuing to train and burn himself so he could once again become worthy in his fathers' eyes.

This is where Natsuo comes in. At first it was assumed that all of the Todoroki children were born out of Endeavor's strong-willed desire to have a child that could surpass All Might, but we learned that this isn't exactly the case. I'd argue that it was narratively poetic on Horikoshi's part once this was expanded upon. Fuyumi was born to support and encourage her brother, and that is the exact role she plays 23 years later, keeping her family together.

Natsuo's case is even more intersting.

It was bad enough if Natsuo was only born for the potential of his quirk, but it's even more sinister that the sole intent behind his birth was to discourage Touya from his ambitions. I'd say it was to replace him, but it was more to promote the idea that Touya was expendable than to raise aonther kid with the same ideals but the potential to actually achieve it, although that was definitely a secondary motivation.

The parallelism in this is how much Natsuo's life revolves around Touya. He was born because of Touya, he looked up to and took care of Touya as a kid, and the absence of Touya in the present continues to drive him and his decisions in life (but more on that later).

I continue to pray that we will eventually get more solid backstory on Natsuo and Touya's relationship as kids and where it cut off, wether on a bad note or not, but there are a few things we know for certain. One, Touya was mentally ill. Yes, he was rejected by his parents but he seems to have been particularly vulnerable to this compared to any of his siblings since he was the first of them and thus relied only on his parents for validation in his early years. He shows early signs of a variety of different mental disorders, particularly BPD, which I have previously written a whole analysis for on its own. Touya is shown self-harming both by the very nature of his quirk and even by very directly ripping his hair out. He was incredibly self-destructive.

This is why it is so much more concerning to me that Natsuo, who was AT LEAST four years younger than him, was his primary source of comfort. Natsuo was too young to have known anything more than 'my big brother is sad that daddy won't train him anymore' and he obviously wasn't equipped in any way to handle Touya's severe mental illness. Touya most definitely needed professional treaatment as his forms of coping were abnormal even for the neglect and rejection that he experienced. Natsuo comforted Touya through breakdown after breakdown, and more than that Touya relied on him and came to him voluntarily for support. Natsuo was the best option he had, and he took full advantage of that. The main source of Natsuo's trauma was Touya's reliance on him.

Not to say at all that this was in any way Touya's fault- he was mentally ill and desperately in need of some form of comfort to keep him sane; it was almost a survival method at this point since neither of his parents really acknowleged him at all anymore. Touya's instability hurt Natsuo more than parental neglect ever did, but it was the neglect that enabled it and striped Touya of the supportive atmosphere he would have needed at this point not only to prevent but to heal from the mental damage he had already suffered.

Natsuo dealt with this for years and you can see how much it hurt him to see Touya in so much pain, not only from Endeavor's rejection but from his own self harm as well. For Natuso to know that his brotherly love would never be the same as having loving parents; would neve be enough- but at least it was something so he continued to love and care about his brother for little in return- is indicative of the kind of character he is.

(Edit: After the events of chapter 302 we know that Natsuo's relationship with Touya wasn't perfect. I will elaborate more on this in a different post, but I just wanted to clarify that although we were shown a very high-tension scene between them, it is implied that this was a regular occurrence that Natsuo was usually more receptive too but tired out of, in addition to Touya's spiraling mental health. It fit with the natrative to show the tension Touya was feeling with his family from all directions, but Natsu and Touya clearly had a stronger relationship up to and before this point, evidenced by their sharing a room and playing together regularly.)

He is incredibly selfless, and it's interesting to note how many of his positive qualities as an adult stem from negative experiences as a kid. He never really felt love from his parents, so he relied on Touya (and likely also Fuyumi) for that as well. If he grew up learning he had to give love in order to recieve it back, it absolutely influenced who he became in the future, a solid example of this being the responsibility he feels to reach out and have a relationship with Shouto and further regrets that he wasn't able to help his abuse in the past either. Another aspect of his character that intruigues me is how gentle he is. Personality-wise he seems about as opposite as he could be from the awkward, stoic, emotionally-stunted person that is Endeavor.

There are a couple of reasons for this, beyond what I've already discussed.

One, he had little to no contact with elements of toxic masculinity growing up, especially not from Endeavor.

Two, most of the influence he did have growing up was from Fuyumi, who is established to have endlessly cared for him since he was a literal baby.

Three, he grew up in a household where almost everyone around him was in much more literal, immediate pain than he was so he developed a very strong sense of empathy that might also have been tied to early survivor's guilt.

Now I have one important distinction to make, and that's the temptation to label him as a 'softboy' or something of the like after seeing him caring for his family and more pointedly, watching him break down in tears during chapter 252. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with men being soft or vulnerable (on the contrary it's actually so so important and relevant that Hori is writing characters like this in a mainstream shounen manga but that's an essay for another time), it is unfair to label him as such based on a moment when his trauma is being exposed.

Because his truama stems from such a young age, there is a blurry line between just being born with more emotional intelligence and the situation he was in fostering those traits. You know, the classic nature/nurture thing. My point being, it's important to tread carefully when discussing the nature of his personality to avoid invalidating his trauma; I have no doubt that he is very strong for having survived these things, and the moments we see of him onscreen are definitely among his most vulnerable.

Another thing that people less familiar with Natsuo's character might assume is that he is hot-headed and argumentative. I thought that at first too- after all, he doesn't seem to shy away from yelling at Endeavor when given the opportunity. However, this doesn't seem to be the case at all.

The first real scene we see him in with Endeavor, the man walks into the room and Natsuo decides he can't handle it and goes to leave. However, Endeavor happens to be blocking the doorway. Endeavor physically stops him and provokes him to his face, asking him to say whatever is on him mind. While Natsuo is notably not confrontational, Endeavor is. I think it's fair to say that he felt at least uneasy at this gesture. Natsuo is very honest with his feelings, and it's obvious that he's pissed at the audacity of Endeavor to be so oblivious to his own son. This is presumably one of the first real interactions they've ever really had, and at this point Natsuo has been dealing with trauma (caused by Endeavor!) on his own for years, and Endeavor seems completely oblivious to his pain and dismmisive to the rest of the family's as well.

Again during the internship arc Natsuo tries to get along with Endeavor and this time he actually gives it a fleeting chance. Tensions are high, however, and the conversation very quickly becomes uncomfortable, at which point he leaves. It is continually implied that Natsuo is uncomfortable being around Endeavor because his very presence brings up painful thoughts and memories of a time when sharing the same space as him was a warning to run and hide. This is later directly confirmed by Natsuo as he says that every time he looks at Endeavor's face he remembers Touya and the pain he was in.

I feel like an important side note is that we have never seen Natsuo outside the context of his family, which is understandable, as the role he plays in the story directly relates to them. However, if you take a look at Shouto, even though his experiences have shaped him to become who he is, he definitely acts differently when Endeavor's not in the vicinity.

Back to Touya's death, it would be very rare that someone would mourn a death for an entire decade without finding closure unless there are other factors preventing it, and uncomfortably this seems to be the same thing for both Natsuo and Endeavor: guilt.

This is getting incredibly long already, but it's important to note that Natsuo probably felt an incredible responsibility to take care of Touya and protect him because of his empathetic nature. His love was never going to be the same as having loving parents. His encouragement was never going to be the same as having support from Endeavor. Even further than then neglect and abandonement, it was not being able to save Touya that really made Natsuo feel worthless.

He seems to try and remedy this inability to save Touya and diminish his guilt by doing everything he can to be better. He reaches out to Shouto to be a better brother, he consistently pushes his limits to entertain Fuyumi's notion of a happy family, and he's working hard towards a degree rhat will allow him to help people like Touya (and Rei) because he failed to do so in the past.

His bio mildly implies that he didn't have much of a direction he was heading in after high school, but Fuyumi's encouragement led him to seek out his current college career. This goes back to Natsuo's 'purpose' in a sense revolving arount Touya, from his birth to his relationship with him to his death, after which he lost his direction. They were always rather inseperable, so naturally their seperation hit Natsuo hard. He lost his direction in life so when Fuyumi encouraged him to rediscover it, he thought of helping people, because that's ultimately what he was born to do.

Thank you so, so much for reading this if you made it to the end! I clearly have a lot of thoughts on this. Let me know what you think about it as well, and hopefully we'll get more info on this soon in the manga :)

[riding-with-the-wild-hunt]

Do you have any headcanons about the kidnap fam, especially Mae’s interactions with the twins and mags, and how his trauma affects them? Thx :)

my dear new friend. of course. what else would approximately 68.3% of my brain space be devoted to?

i think maedhros was a gentle parent, the let me do that for you. are you sure? wear a jacket. don't be frightened. you need to eat one out of the pair. as he became more vicious towards his enemies post-angband, so he became proportionately--perhaps even disproportionately--gentler with anyone under his care. he fastidiously keeps his own pain and trauma and fear as far away from elrond and elros as he possibly can. he's always afraid of damaging them the way he's been damaged, a fear that he channels into protection, so he's very much the watchdog of the family unit. when e&e are younger, i think that they read this as inaccessibility or coldness, and there's some resentment there, especially given that they don't know very much about maedhros's reasoning and the motivation behind his actions. i really don't imagine maglor and maedhros having a good relationship at this point, and i think, to some degree, maglor actually encourages this thought process in the twins, or at least doesn't actively discourage it. i think maedhros also feels a lot more guilt about the whole kidnapping-and-home-destruction thing than maglor does, or is just better at processing it, which motivates his protectiveness and desire to be a good parent. there's a piece of him that's trying to make the twins his own little restitution project--that if he does a good job, he'll be able to balance out his other actions.

i think maglor was an intense parent, always fluctuating between extremes. when he's in a stable, happy mood, i honestly think he would be wonderful to e&e, much more like an older sibling than a parent. he plays with them, gives them gifts, really showers them with love and affection in the effusive way that maedhros wasn't quite able to do. he's fun and silly and caring and seems to know everything, which is awesome when you're eight and want to know what bugs eat or why fire is warm. but on the flipside, i think he could have long periods of despondency and anxiety where he was barely able to look after himself, much less care for the twins, or intense energy, which would manifest in anger and recklessness. honestly, i think at some points, a lot of maedhros’s fears for the twins’ safety would be precipitated by maglor’s behavior towards them (he would put them in dangerous situations, involve them in arguments as pawns to make maedhros feel guilty, or be materially and emotionally neglectful). maglor was deeply unpredictable and when he lashed out, he lashed out hard. he could be threatening, manipulative, and hurtful, and his struggles with accountability often prevented him from really apologizing or even talking about it. elros, i think, was a lot closer to maglor and would often take his side, even as an adult, portraying him as a wholly good and caring parent and accusing elrond of exaggerating his faults to make maedhros look better and maedhros of being biased.

e&e, especially as teenagers, i think, felt a lot of frustration and impatience with m&m’s shared unwillingness to have upfront conversations about difficult topics. maglor and maedhros would have discussions (on good days) and rows (on bad days) about these things in front of e&e, but they were often exceedingly vague and truncated. elrond and maedhros talked a few times about maedhros’s past towards the end of their time together, and maglor definitely told elros a lot more than he let on to mae he had, but they never really talked things over, leaving elrond and elros to come to their own, often incorrect conclusions, or find out later.

during the kidnap-fam era, i think, as i’ve mentioned before, that m&m’s relationship was really deteriorating. depending on how well maglor was doing, maedhros often had to play parent to him as well as to the twins. this generated a lot of bitterness between the two of them, as maedhros was frustrated by what he saw as maglor’s incessant need for melodrama and attention and maglor felt that maedhros didn’t care about their family and their relationship as much as he should. to get some kind of emotional rise out of maedhros, maglor would often turn to provocation or manipulation--he would start arguments, threaten to hurt himself unless maedhros did something he wanted, use the twins as a guilt-tripping device, or be sexually perturbing. maedhros would rise to the bait, whatever it was, then berate himself for being amoral. most of the time, m&m were caught in a feedback loop of masochism and self-hatred that looks something like this:

provocation from maglor → violence from maedhros → inappropriate reaction from maglor → maedhros feeling he’s the root problem because of Internalized Issues™️ → maedhros withdraws → maglor gets lonelier → provocation from maglor

and so on. they’re both terribly unhappy most of the time. :)

anyways, thank you so much for asking! i treasure you with all my heart ❤❤❤

[obae-me]

Could I please get hcs on how the brothers would react to a mc that doesn't like or feel comfortable receiving compliments? They personally make me uncomfortable since most of the time, people only give me compliments if they want something from me or are just joking and being cruel.

I’m sorry this one came out late, but I really liked writing this one. I hope you like it, thank you, Anon! 💜

Lucifer

He’s the Demon of Pride, and as such, despite his sound and logical mind, he doesn’t realize there are...people...who don’t like compliments. It doesn’t occur to him as a possibility at all. He loves compliments. He thrives under praise. He’ll puff up his wings and strive for perfection just so people will look at him.

So, naturally, he finds compliments to be high on his list of forms of affection. If MC does something right, he’ll compliment them. However, in return all he’ll get is a scoff? A questioning glare? This makes him furious.

What he doesn’t realize is that MC is used to being used. To being praised only to be betrayed. There was always an ulterior motive, so why should demons be any better?

“You would throw back something I willingly gave you?”

“You’re only giving me a compliment to get something out of me, so why don’t you just tell me what you want instead of lying to me?”

That wasn’t a rebuttal he was expecting. Yes he was a demon, and yes sometimes his intentions weren’t the most pure, but to think that someone would believe he’d sink so low as to give compliments in desire to extort them? His brothers maybe, but him?

He took a moment to look at their expression. It was sour and uncomfortable. It’s not what he expected. This was a problem that went deeper than just distrust in demons. He’ll ask them if they’ll talk about it. They don’t go into detail, which he respects, but explains that compliments feel only like lies, and it makes them uncomfortable.

He’ll learn to find other ways to praise them other than compliments. He’ll reward them with a dinner or a little treat. If they’ve done something he’s really proud of, he’ll put it up where people can see. He’ll still give them simple compliments every now and again out of habit, and while MC still doesn’t fully accept it, they’ll smile and nod this time instead of throwing it out the window.

Mammon

He doesn’t give out too many compliments to anybody in general, much less a human. On top of that, it’s especially rare that he’ll give a genuine compliment. This is the demon that MC should be wary of, if he says something nice about them, it’s a very very high chance that he does want something. Not necessarily because he wants to harm the other person, it’s just that he’s grown up with Lucifer as an older brother, and more often than not, puffing up his ego can get him off the hook.

Naturally though, this makes MC very distrustful. On the off chance he does give MC a legit compliment, he might as well have said that he doesn’t like money, because they won’t believe it one bit. He’s totally in the dark about it, he doesn’t get humans at all. He thought he did a good thing, he thought they would’ve loved praise from him, the one and only Mammon. He went out of his way to ask Solomon about it. He was a human too so surely he’d understand.

“Probably because they think you want something, Mammon.”

“But I didn’t that time!”

He was hopeless.

If that’s how they felt, he was going to have to show them how genuine he could be. He was a gentleman, an icon, a pillar of power, so he was going to have to prove it. Everyone found it amusing just how exaggerated he was, treating everything that MC did with respect and reverence. Even Lucifer was in awe over how hard he was working to treat people with honest intentions.

He would make sure MC was there when he returned stolen things back to his brothers. He tells them he’ll cut off gambling and bets immediately. He opens doors for them and escorts them to RAD all without asking for a fee. He wanted MC to trust him, he thought that maybe, just maybe, someone wouldn’t call him scummy for once.

Yes, the brothers had a secret bet with themselves to see how far Mammon could last. Lucifer won, he tends to know his brothers the best. Mammon stopped being completely honest to everyone in about two weeks. He really did try his best to continue to be honest with MC, though. Even if no one else did, they wanted MC to trust him.

Levi

He has a hard time taking compliments too, so if there’s anyone that understands MC, it’s him. Compliments always riddle him with anxiety. He can’t be anything but a dirty, nasty, ugly otaku. His brothers tend to just roll their eyes at it. He’s a powerful demon, he can’t really think that way, he’s just being whiny.

So if MC doesn’t accept any of his compliments, he thinks it’s himself that’s to blame. Of course they’d look extremely uncomfortable to be complimented by him, they probably thought he was a pervert now. He shut himself in his room for days. The brothers had seen this happen before, so they weren’t concerned, but MC couldn’t help but be worried.

They came up to his room, knocked on the door, but was left with silence. Not surprising. They felt like they had to apologize anyway, so they spoke to the door, hoping that maybe Levi would hear some of it. They apologized for making him feel bad. They apologized for being stupid, for being rude.

Levi opened the door, shaking his head furiously. He hadn’t thought that of them at all. They both end up putting their feelings on the table. MC will share with him some of the stories of why they can’t trust honey-coated words anymore. Levi will talk about his failures as the third-born.

“We’re both a mess, aren’t we?”

In the end they’ll both spend much more time together than they had before. Even just the peace of being in the same room, even if they were doing different activities, set them a bit more at ease.

They both worked on trying to be better at accepting compliments, with no pressure put on them, of course. And if any demon ever tired to butter MC up to abuse them, they’d be destroyed by Levi before anyone could say Game Over.

Satan

One time tried to give MC an compliment that was so eloquently written, it could’ve been written by a poet. They did not take it well, to no fault of Satan’s or his work. It was so disgustingly sweet, MC went pale, nauseous off his words.

Satan felt so angry and embarrassed, he refused to be around MC for a week. Which made things worse. Both Satan and MC were spending far far too much time in their rooms and spending copious amounts of effort just on avoiding each other. The other brothers had had enough. They all got together and summoned both of them downstairs to talk. Lucifer called them out.

“Whatever happened certainly doesn’t warrant this new behavior, so you two are going to talk it out. Now.”

“Satan doesn’t like me, doesn’t surprise me, I knew everything was a lie anyway. With a compliment like that, it was too good to be true.”

Satan was uncharacteristically at a loss for words. The brother’s plan seemed to be working, so they left the two alone to talk it out. The two went back and forth for a while, clearing up all the misunderstandings. Satan had never felt dumber. He knew more than most, even among immortal beings, and yet he still let his emotions overtake his logic.

Now that he knew how MC felt about compliments in general, he knew how to handle them. If anyone thought that words alone were among his area of expertise, they were mistaken. He would do countless research on other ways to show praise and affection that wouldn’t come off as hollow. He’d fight anyone that made them uncomfortable again.

Asmo

He’ll have the hardest time with this. He’s a compliment churning machine. He’s a hype man. He’s a man of love., and so he wants to let the people he loves just how much he loves them.

It’s like never ending torture for MC, and they can’t help but feel like he’s doing it on purpose. How could he tell them they look amazing? How could he cuddle as close as he wants and describe them down to the detail? Every day made MC feel sick.

It got worse when MC was around him the first time he got drunk. He’d throw himself at them, every word he said laced heavy with alcohol.

“MC, you’re so cute, I want you by me all the time. MCCCC, you’re so wonderful, and beautiful, and cute-ah but I already said you were cu-“

MC shoved him off of them in a panic. “Stop, Asmo. Just stop!” They fled to their room leaving a confused drunk demon on the floor.

The next morning, while he fought a demon-sized hangover, he draped dramatically over his bed, running over last night’s kerfuffle in his head. Although the minor details were fuzzy, the important parts remained, including MC’s words. What’s this he was feeling...guilt? No no, he couldn’t have that, he needed to fix this right away.

He brought over his fluffiest robe and a tray with little cookies and fruity tea. MC almost didn’t let him in, but Asmo looked...different. Asmo sat them down and made sure they indulged themselves a little before apologizing. He had gone too far, and making other people feel uncomfortable was not an attractive quality.

MC felt like they needed to admit to him as well that any compliment they receive makes them feel that way. It was just too much for them all the time. He’s stunned, but how is he supposed to tell you how much he loves appreciates you?

MC decides to limit him to one compliment per day, maybe two if they feel like they can handle it. So now every day Asmo stays silent till he can think of the most perfect, most beautiful thing to tell them, hoping that maybe one day they’ll fully believe him and take it to heart.

Beel

He’s very much an actions over words person, so it’s rare that he’ll compliment MC with words alone. He likes to bring MC food, make sure they’re well fed and hydrated. He’ll keep them protected, that’s how he best shows his affection. He’ll follow MC everywhere he can, watching over them.

Sometimes he does tell them that they’re so sweet, and MC just shrinks further into their seat. He’ll frown. He doesn’t know why, but he does notice this anytime he says anything nice about them. So he’ll double down on getting them all the food they want. For him food equals love.

MC found it nice, since he was working so hard on making them feel good without trying to compliment them, but one night they came to their bedroom to find enough food to feed a small demon army. They appreciated it, but maybe Beel was taking this further than he needed to.

They brought him back to their room, and he looked extremely pleased with himself. He wanted MC to eat it all, he wouldn’t have one bite...other than the few bites he snuck already. However, MC begged him to help them eat it, it would be impossible to eat it all themselves. While Beel was eating, MC sighed and crossed their legs.

“Beel, I appreciate this so much, but you don’t have to go this far for me, you haven’t done anything wrong.” 

They explained how they just didn’t like compliments in general. No matter who they came from, no matter who said it. Demons, angels, humans, even God himself could say something kind about them and they’d still take it with a grain of salt.

It didn’t take long for Beel to understand, thank goodness. Of his many brothers, Beel is one them who supports them immediately despite how strange it seems. He’ll back down a bit, but still make sure MC knows every day how much he is proud of them by the things he does.

Belphie

Get a compliment from Belphie? Probably if there was something majorly wrong. He’s not good with words in general, and he doesn’t compliment anyone. Not his brothers, not humans, not even Diavolo. So this isn’t too much of an issue for MC.

However, he keeps a close eye on MC, closer than most people realize. Because of this, he notices one day when a grimy, good-for-nothing demon he doesn’t know, tries to win MC over with their words in order for them to do something.

“Aw come on, MC, you’re so smart, brilliant even! So won’t you do my part of the project for me? It’s nothing you can’t handle, you can handle anything!”

He can’t help but notice MC lean heavy on the wall behind them, using the books in their hands to cover the lower part of their fading face. He comes over and puts a ‘friendly’ hand on this demon’s shoulder. Upon laying eyes upon one of the powerful Student Council, they hesitantly tell MC they’ve got somewhere to be and then scatter. Belphie looks at MC and shakes his head a bit.

After what he’s done, after everything he’s said, he has no business helping MC out like this. He knows how much of a hypocrite he seems. He shoves his hands deep in his pocket and turns away. No wonder they can’t take compliments very well when every demon here that does sounds like, well...sound like him.

“Thank you, Belphie.” He stops, looking back over his shoulder at MC. This human...they were so dumb and confusing, but...he didn’t want to leave them alone. They were exhausting yet because of them he’d slept more peacefully and had more good dreams than nightmares.

He won’t ever tell them how much they appreciate them, which is fine, sometimes MC prefers it that way. He’ll mostly stay silent, but stay close to them. MC can know how much they mean to him without him having to say a word. Especially if Belphie feels comfortable enough to fall asleep on them, sometimes in their lap, sometimes on their shoulder. It says volumes.