#so happy my brain rot can provide for the people lol

[hiding-under-the-willow]

I just wanna say I’m so glad you’re here making stuff about Bim and more importantly Ed. Everyone forgot about him but I still love him and his stupid accent and his stupid baby business he’s stupidly great. The content is 🙏 thankyou

Every time I receive an ask like this I grow more powerful so thank you very much <3

[stoutguts]

Autistic/neurodivergent 👻 (💀🧼 too bc why not/it's my comfort ship and I love them)

(chock full my own personal HCs and ideas, also mental health stuff/issues/problems heyo)

CW: brief mentions of s*icide/s*icidal ideation

I have a lot more to say about this freak, than pretty boy, ADHD brain rotted Johnny, so let’s get into it‼️‼️

Ghost is socially awkward as all hell with actual negative rizz, whether platonically or romantically. Most people write him off as weird, creepy, or scary, though that's also part of his charm and mystique for some reason.

Autistic, (and it's painfully obvious lmao). Special interests include Skyrim, DND, Bloodborne, Dark Souls, etc, (wrote a whole fic just talking abt this aspect of his autism lol). Outside of video games, they’re also obsessed with marine life and sea creatures. They're especially fond of sharks, and they love to visit aquariums and the beach. It has encyclopedic knowledge when it comes to most underwater creatures or marine mammals you can think of, and loves to show this off via party trick or just for the sake of rambling about it. (This is also true for the games that they’re clearly highly invested in).

Speaking of his fascination with marine life...He even keeps a few Ranchu goldfish as pets that it bought online from a breeder, (as Ranchu goldfish are one of it’s favorite fish/favorite breeds of goldfish). It thinks of them as it’s own children, and does it’s due diligence and research to provide them with the best care possible, (plus a beautifully decorated tank). Their names are Wotsit, Tangy, and Oswald. Wotsit and Oswald are males, Wotsit is red and black, and Oswald is a "calico" Ranchu. While, Tangy is female, and is orange and white.

At first, Johnny can't for the life of him understand what makes a goldfish, (fish being some of the most boring pets in the world in his humble opinion), so appealing as a pet. But he sees how happy the fish make Simon, so he doesn't really question it, just leaving it at "if they’re happy, than I guess that's all that really matters". Though the more Ghost talks about them with so much excitement and affection in it’s voice for it’s little fishy friends, the more Soap begins to appreciate them and kind of grow attached to them in his own way.

Simon stims by bouncing his legs, pacing, flapping their hands, or grinding his teeth (had to get braces and later a retainer to fix their teeth because of this). It used to mainly stim by rocking back and forth as a child, and he still does it from time to time to help calm himself, or for comfort when they need it. It also likes to walk on their tiptoes,—(he has exceptionally strong legs and calfs because of this habit),—especially when walking up or down stairs.

This detail is more just a general personality trait of his but whatever—

They are very expressive, (Johnny finds it absolutely adorable). For the longest time it’s face was almost always hidden underneath the mask it wears.—The 1-4-1 were shocked—but also positively giddy—At the revelation that big ol' bad Ghost, is WAY more of a softie than it lets on.—A sensitive crybaby, and is a very emotional person. Quite literally can’t help it, (but when the situation calls for it or when they need to get it together, he has excellent control over his emotions).

Ghost often has a hard time understanding other people or what they're feeling due to his autism. They're not heartless by any means, and it tries it's best to understand, but most times they unintentionally come off as insensitive or mean. He’s also brutally honest with people and never lies.

Simon needs constant reassurance due to their often low self-esteem, and Johnny is more than happy to provide that for him. Always praising them and telling them that he’s handsome, that he’s enough, that he’s perfect, that he’s such a good boy.

(Speaking of Soap praising him, Ghost has a praise kink, to which Johnny is also more than happy to indulge. Though will occasionally use it’s kink against it to tease it, such as openly giving it praise during missions. Which Simon is always embarrassed, and seemingly hates it, but in actuality it’s the hottest thing ever).

That he loves them more than anything in the whole wide world, and would not trade him for anything. That he’d never lie, or cheat on him, (and he’s proven time and time again that he’s a man of his word). That it is his “forever” and nothing can change that.

The fact that Johnny is always so considerate of it’s needs touches Simon so deeply, as none of it’s past partners had ever been so respectful. Warming their heart, and it only continues to deepen the love he has for his partner. 💖

Ghost has a rescue German Shepherd named Riley. They love the dog to death, brings him everywhere with them. Simon especially likes to always take Riley with him when they go out jogging or for a run, or whenever they just feel like walking around the neighborhood to clear their head. The two are joined at the hip, not only because they’re incredibly attached to each other...But because Riley is trained as an emotional support animal for PTSD and anxiety-related reasons, and is also a medical alert service dog. Regarding not only some pretty nasty asthma, but he’s got some hereditary cardiovascular/heart issues that could prove to be a real problem.

Simon can't really live without him.

Riley is formerly both a fighting and military dog, they took him as their personal pooch, after no other handlers would work with him due to aggression issues. He has stunning green eyes and a beautiful black and tan coat. Though he's a bit mangy, and heavily scarred with both his ears shredded, (just like Simon hehe). With Ghost having handmade a leather spiked collar and a chain leash to match his overall ruggedness, though Riley's personality couldn't be farther from his tough exterior. Simon has re-trained and re-socialized him very well, and has helped him to unlearn his past temperament/behavior. Good with kids and other dogs and animals, loves people and attention. Though still has just enough bite left in him to be protective and to act as a guard dog for him and Johnny, always at the ready in case something happens. Which in Ghost's eyes is highly important and appreciated in a dog.

Riley's past history really tugged on Simon's heartstrings, so he has dedicated himself to pampering his dog. Getting him the best dog food money can buy, always looking out for a new toy for him when he goes to the store, etc. Riley often will sleep in between Ghost and Soap or at the foot of their bed.

Ghost struggles with PTSD and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). His PTSD stems from his traumatic childhood. While his anxiety is mostly a by-product of his PTSD and trauma, as well as something born from the stress of being in the military, and learning to always be on the alert, never at ease. Though both seem to be somewhat tied to his autism as well.

They have panic attacks regularly, (which can be very dangerous because of his asthma, having to carry an inhaler on him at all times). (Plus, his heart condition is heavily affected by stress, which he’s treated/medicated for, but can still pose a risk). Flashbacks occur more often than not, (their flashbacks mostly happen in their sleep, as nightmares and night terrors).

Johnny is really the only one who knows of their past and mental health. (On all government mandated material, it’s intentionally left vague. The most it recognizes is that Ghost was born in Manchester, that his father's got a lengthy criminal record, and his capture by Roba).

As they don’t really talk about themselves that much, half because they’d rather not bring up such painful memories, and half for the fact he doesn’t really want everything out there on full-display. Either that, or it's just that either no one ever really cared to know, or people weren't stubborn (or stupid) enough to press on it further, (apart from Johnny of course).

Soap is incredibly understanding and patient with it, therefore, it was very easy to open up to him. (Simon still finds that Johnny's the only person he's really comfortable opening up to past a surface level).—Johnny has a strange sort of calming effect on Ghost, and they know it too. Soap being an expert on how to get Simon to relax, making sure his physical health is also well taken care of when such an event transpires. Even though Ghost has a whole-ass service dog for this exact reason and purpose.—Johnny doesn’t care, he wants it to know that he’s there for them, and that he cares deeply for him. Simon appreciating his fawning over him greatly.

Simon also has major depressive disorder (MDD), having struggled with such since childhood, and battles with suicidal ideation/thoughts on the daily.

They have actually even attempted quite a few times in the past. (Fun fact, the closest he’d ever come to successfully killing himself, was when Soap had gone into a months long coma after having been nearly killed by Makarov).

He’ll have depressive episodes that can last from days, to weeks, to months, sometimes being borderline debilitating and/or incapacitating. Soap tries to always be there for it during hard times, and this is no exception. He tries to provide him with what they may need, whether it’s a bit of humor to get it’s mind off things, or consolation after a long day, or maybe a hug, or one of their favorite snacks from the grocery store.—All Ghost has to do is ask, but usually Johnny always knows what he needs without a word being said between them.

Ghost goes to therapy regularly, and it does help a lot, (as they’ve got a fantastic therapist, having provided them with certain tools that'll help to save their skin on more than a few occasions). Though unfortunately despite this,—he’ll never be completely happy or stable. But that’s fine and is something it can live with, as long as he has Soap by their side and other people to support him. 💖

And last but not least…All members of the 1-4-1 having highly specific phobias? Yes please!

As for Ghost…

He is deathly afraid of thunderstorms/has major Astraphobia, as it triggers flashbacks regarding his father’s physical abuse. Simon is about the most vulnerable you’ll ever see him during a thunderstorm, they can’t do anything but curl up into a ball and sob and shake. He’s even pissed himself from fear on a few occasions after a particularly loud clap of thunder. Soap always tries to make sure he’s by their side when bad weather is soon to come, even planning his schedule around it. If they end up having an accident he’ll help to clean them up. Cuddling with him, holding them and having Ghost clinging to him while they cry into his shoulder, attempting to soothe him with lovely words and a gentle touch.

They are also afraid of bugs/have major entomophobia, their entire squad teases and makes fun of them for it, (including Johnny lmao). Though it’s all in good fun, and if Simon ever encounters a single solitary insect…It’s got comfort in knowing their buddies and Soap are there for them, and will protect them. :3 (Idk, I just think it would be hilarious that this grim reaper looking ahh mf, 6’5 brick shithouse of a man, is afraid of a fly getting too close to him).

I really need to gather up my hcs for Gaz and Price and write them down, I love those two as much as Ghost and Soap…I also wanna write shit about NikPrice, bc that’s like my favorite COD ship next to GhostSoap…hrmmm

[therealrattlehead]

Everlong: A Genji/Mercy Fan Fiction

Summary: Genji decides to make a surprise appointment while Mercy is mauling over her feelings for him. He won't say what he's coming in for, so Mercy can only hope that she won't fumble.

WC: 6000+, first 1348 included in post, rest is on ao3

Rating: Explicit Content

A/N: Mercy is probs out of character, idrc tho lol

If you could describe Dr. Ziegler’s lab, it was cold, and every word was synonymous. Overwatch had been revamped, rebuilt, and remade. Winston had been generous after the recall, providing them with supplies and more.

However, it didn’t have the homey feeling her old lab had possessed. Gone were the gauzy white curtains that once filtered in the bright, iridescent sunlight. Metal tables were no longer highlighted with the powdery blue spring. Songs of birds failed to echo off industrial walls and lab doors. Instead, it was cold and soundless, the only light coming from the fluorescent lights that hung up above. The laboratory still felt incredibly empty despite the rows of cabinets and drawers full of new, state-of-the-art tools. Mercy had worked in empty labs before, but something about this one felt strange. It felt distant.

It felt lonely.

Granted, there wasn’t much of anyone to recall. People had been weary of joining back, of going back to the once-worshiped organization that was now deemed illegal. Mercy tried not to care about it, about the masses of people who could only see her closest friends as criminals and thugs. Even when her heart turned heavy with guilt, and her brain began to rot with the dark mold of doubt, she kept herself focused on her mission. Her mission was not to be liked and worshiped by people; her mission was to save people, to protect people. Her focus was not on the alive and raging but on the sick and wounded.

Nonetheless, she liked the appreciation. Praise was lovely, and she couldn’t deny that. However, she learned from the past that it was not always worth it, and if there was something she needed more than healing the sick, it was to make sure the past was not repeated.

So, she was sitting at her desk in this large, foreign room while trying to complete some work. Recently, she has been able to complete the physicals for all those who have been recalled. It was okay, maybe even a little nice, to have the warmth of her old teammates underneath her fingertips again, but other than that, it wasn’t something she cared for too much.

That was a lie. She cared for Genji.

The lines between the doctor and patient relationship always seemed to blur with him. From that fatal night in Japan, when burnt, bruised, and broken hands reached out for the angel’s, to the days of Blackwatch when Mercy had to begrudgingly hand over her muse to the wicked talons of Moira, to the present day where Genji would frequent in and out of her office like a giddy little dog, always nuzzling up to her, Mercy was more than fond of the ninja. He was always there, her little guardian angel who kept a playful watch over her. This wasn’t to say that she had any romantic feelings toward him, but their relationship was definitely on a higher plane than friendship. Safety, for Mercy, was simply just sitting in Genji’s cool metal embrace. However, she was never to admit these feelings, for the fear of upsetting Genji and pushing him away was more potent than her desires. So, for now, the thoughts remain just that: desires. Little sheep that helped her sleep at night. Rosy cheeks were left un-caressed by firm metal fingers, but as long as Genji was happy, Mercy could pretend she was okay with it. The lack of a date was not the end of the world.

Speaking of Genji.

Mercy’s computer chimed, highlighting a small message in the bottom right corner. She took a small sip from her coffee before setting her mug aside and swiveling over to the computer, adjusting her reading glasses so she could read the message. It was a message from Genji.

“Can we do a repeat of my physical? Something happened recently, and I want you to check it out,” the message read.

“Of course. What is it, exactly?”

“Uhm, I’d rather just have you see it than text it. I hope you understand.”

“That’s okay. When are you planning to come in?”

“Is it okay to do it right now?”

“Yes. I’ll be waiting here.”

Despite the fat crickets and other nocturnal insects, they were still wide awake. Having a doctor’s appointment made no sense. Nobody in Overwatch had any reason in their minds. It wouldn’t change anything. The company would be very appreciative if Genji kept her company.

Heavy, clunky footsteps were ringing out throughout the outside hallway soon enough. Despite the noise, each shot a new pang of joy into Mercy’s heart. It was like an owner awaiting the joyful embrace of their small puppy. Mercy wished she could just bounce out of her seat and run to the industrial doors to meet Genji with open arms, but that wouldn’t be very professional now. So instead, she just swiftly got up from her chair, tucking it neatly underneath her desk, and made her way to the door. Knee-high boots click and clack against the cool tile floor, and her lab coat wooshed behind her. She pulled it over herself as she approached the door and undid the mechanical lock. With a hiss, the door depressurized and was able to creak open.

Genji stood on the other side, patiently waiting. His helmet and visor were off, his hair messy and frizzy, and his round, scared face quirked into a smile. An oversized, green, billowy sweatshirt covered his top, and a pair of equally large sweatpants covered his bottom. He stood slightly slouched, his body having grown accustomed to crouching. A back brace would be an excellent addition when Genji needed his next upgrade.

The two stood there, carefully eyeing each other. Mercy could stand there for hours just looking at him, studying him if it was her choice.

“May I come in, doctor?” Genji asked, gently tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. The hair sprang back out as soon as he took his hand away.

“Why certainly,” Mercy chuckled, reaching out and smoothing the back behind Genji’s hair. Genji smiled a little wider before shifting to the side and walking into the lab. Mercy followed behind, leading him to her work table on the other side of the room. By muscle memory, Genji reached to the side of the desk to pull out an extra and set it right next to Mercy’s. He sat down while Mercy made her way to the coffee pot, pouring Genji a cup and refilling her own. Mercy settled the warm cups on the desk, but Mercy still hadn’t sat down. Instead, she made her to a fridge that sat against a wall to the left of the desk.

“Tiramisu?” Mercy asked, pulling the cake from the fridge and setting it on the table.

“Offering your patients sweets? How unprofessional, doctor,” Genji chuckled but nodded, sipping his coffee. Mercy smiled back, opening a drawer and finding two plastic plates and plastic silverware. Soft, spongy pieces of cake flopped onto their respective plates as Mercy set them. With a plastic fork on each plate, she put the cake away before carrying the dessert to her desk. She handed Genji his plate before pulling her chair out and sitting with him. Genji immediately took a bite, sighing at the taste and washing down with a sip of coffee.

“Did you make this?” He asked, gesturing to his slice with his fork.

“Mhmm,” Mercy nodded, sipping her coffee and putting her mug back on the table, peachy lipstick staining the rim. Genji glanced at the stained edge before his eyes met with Mercy’s. Cute, doe eyes shaped with sharp eyeliner and framed with thick brows, how Mercy loved them. Ugh, that wasn’t the point. She had better things to focus on that weren’t those damn eyes. Genji was here for a reason, not for her to ogle at him all night.

“So, what seems to be the problem?” Mercy crossed her legs and set her plate in her lap, regaining the professional persona that made her all so respectable.

[lipglossanon]

i gotta say, you really inspire me to make a different blog and just write and create whatever i want! im always so afraid of what people will think but with a separate blog, i'd feel a lot less constricted (especially since irls follow me on my current blog)

so thanks for being you and providing this safe space for so many people to talk about their ideas :)

💭 anon

Of course, 💭 anon! 💜

And that’s a totally reasonable fear/anxiety to have! It’s why I don’t share with (nor know any) in real life folks here 😝

Definitely do what makes you comfortable! And I’m happy my blog can be that place for you to share your thoughts!

I didn’t write for a long time and only recently (through therapy) got back into it (that and the Leon brain rot haha).

And I’ve also started to think fuck it; life’s short and we’re all one foot in the grave and if I died tomorrow (hell, today lol) what would be the point in not doing what I like?

I mean I get it cause I still have my moments of anxiety 😬 🫣 and sorry I’m on a tangent again haha

Anywho, just know that you’re good here! 😘

[merakiui]

I was reading through your tags and you mentioned at some point the kazuscara roommates finding your onlyfans and I think I completely combusted—thus i present to you my brain rot of late: you attend the same school as them but you’re not actually friends, all you know about kazuha is that he’s the friendly regular at the cafe you work at, who makes polite conversation every now and then but otherwise is nothing of note. In reality he’s been stalking you for weeks ever since your first encounter, and is dead set on the idea that you’re this innocent, weak thing that needs to be protected (maybe he stepped in when you had a bad customer and your meek reply helped fester his delusions?). Scara, on the other hand, is only aware of your presence since you’re his favourite cam model that he recently found. (Since he’s a harbinger he’s probs loaded) Weeks of funnelling money towards you cause him to feel this unwarranted possessiveness, believing that since he’s been providing so much in your “relationship” that it’s time you reward him in turn. However, despite the unbridled interest they have toward you neither are aware of each other’s feelings for you— that is, until you happen to run into the both of them heading to your class. While both are known for maintaining their stoic masks, they’re friends for a reason— and instantly can tell the attraction their roommates have towards their own “lover”. After kazuha finds your onlyfans he’s certain that you’ve been coerced and wants to save you, while scara thinks it’s time that he’s stopped letting other plebeians look at his possession—so, despite their initial reservations, come together to form the ideal plan. When you find yourself waking up groggy in a room you don’t recognize, all they can do is look on with glee whilst planning their next course of action with their new belonging. They’re friends after all, and good friends share though, don’t they?

This is v long srry lol you can ignore this ofc!!

AAAH, ANON!! YES!!! <3 I couldn’t resist writing more on this concept. orz They make for such a terrifying pair when they work together!

(cw: yandere, stalking, nsfw, implied kidnapping/drugging, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, delusional thoughts, savior complex, implied violence)

What if Kazuha and Scara were just acquainted with one another and actually became closer through their mutual obsession with you? Yes, they’re roommates and ought to get along because they’re living together but they haven’t exactly clicked yet. They talk every now and then and know little things about each other. Nothing too special. They don’t really hang out outside of their dorm either, what with their class schedules being vastly different. And Kazuha’s always out of the dorm doing who-knows-what. Most of his time is spent at a café, where he’ll write and read and stare at you while you work. On the other hand, Scara prefers to stay inside if he doesn’t have a good reason to go out. He likes his alone time. Although he has enjoyed going to the library every now and then to study.

So maybe they need to find some common ground. Maybe they need a push in the right direction before they get closer.

Kazuha likes to stare. Talking to you is great, but he worries he’ll say too much and then he’ll be a nuisance, or you might not want to talk to him at all since you’re working. But you always regard him with a warm smile, happy to scribble his name on the plastic cup because you remember him. Because you recognize his familiar face and soft, gentle eyes. He’s the one who saved you from that rude customer, after all, and he’s a polite regular. Why wouldn’t you know him? You might look like you can handle those types of situations, but what Kazuha saw that day was something entirely different. You were nervous—so soft-spoken and scared. He absolutely has to protect you from those kinds of people now, doesn’t he?

And he does exactly that. He’s your second pair of eyes—your valiant knight in shining armor—who sees and hears all. Sometimes he goes to the café with the intention to simply watch over you and make sure no one’s bothering you. He can recall one time when a customer was speaking rudely about you because her drink hadn’t been prepared in a ‘timely manner.’ In reality it’s impossible to make a drink within a few seconds, especially when you’re already preoccupied with making another customer’s drink. She must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, or maybe she’s just a hateful person in general. You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of such fiery insults, though.

Her eyes just can’t see your perfection and therefore she does not deserve to see out of them.

Kazuha’s willing to wrestle with all of this darkness if it means you’ll stay safe, oblivious, and pure. You’re like a defenseless kitten, unable to protect yourself from the scary world. He writes about you a lot in his journal; you’re his muse—someone who constantly shows up in poems and short paragraphs where he tries to describe what your dream date might be or what type of wedding you’d prefer. Things get darker the deeper you delve into his writings, where you’ll find entries in great detail. Kazuha writes a lot and he doesn’t even mean to. He just has to get all of his thoughts on paper before they abandon him and he’s left with emptiness.

Everything you do is pure; you’re almost an equivalent to a holy being. Your smell is pure. Your body is pure. Your actions are pure. Your smile is pure. Even when you’re on the verge of crying from harsh customers or when you’re turning down a confession, you’re still pure. And Kazuha likes that about you because it’s special. There aren’t many people in his life who are completely pure. He’s been through a lot of rough things and has seen firsthand how impure people can be. It’s only fair that he gets a chance to protect purity itself.

He might have some impurities, but that doesn’t deter him from watching over you. As gentle and unassuming as he is, there are times when even he loses his composure. Not many are privy to these dark emotions of his. His smiles are sharp and venomous and his eyes fill with a gloom so dark it can swallow you whole. You’ll never see this side of him; he won’t allow it. Instead you’re treated to his sweet, calm side, where he feigns perfection in hopes of catching your interest.

As for Scara… He doesn’t really care about Kazuha in the beginning. He’s just someone he has to live with. It’s not a big deal and as long as he doesn’t try to make lots of pointless conversation everything will be okay. He prefers the peace and quiet, considering he’s acquainted with people who are far from peaceful and quiet. Scara’s relieved that Kazuha leaves the dorm so often because it gives him an opportunity to watch his favorite cam star’s most recent video. He’s your most loyal follower—someone who’s paid lots of money just to have access to the highest tier of rewards and such. He even got a private video where you addressed him and moaned out his name with lustful thoughts of him. Having lots of money comes in handy.

When he finds out that you go to the same school as him, he’s a little shocked. He didn’t expect you to be so close. You’re practically within touching distance. If only he knew your schedule. If only you were in one of his classes. It’s really annoying that he only knows your online presence and not who you might be in your personal life. The last thing he’s going to do is consult Childe, that popular athlete who knows literally everyone in the school for whatever reason. Surely he knows you. But he’ll die before he ever asks Childe for a favor.

Scara loves you out of every other cam model because you’re different. You’re not just trying to get fast cash. You’re genuine. You listen to your subscribers and their feedback. You do your best to improve and do even better streams than the previous ones. All of your hard work is overlooked by the other fools who watch your streams, but it isn’t overlooked by him. Scara appreciates your attention to detail and the way you’re able to hook him with your breathless voice alone. You’re very skilled at what you do, so it’s only fair you get paid for it.

But buying your services isn’t enough. It’s not a real relationship, but it certainly feels like it when he buys preferential treatment. Private shows, special requests, odd favors—you do it all because he pays for it. But this relationship isn’t going to be one-sided forever. You’ll have to pay him back in full eventually. Scara likes to think he has patience and that waiting is fine. It gives him more time to plan his next move—to figure out what he should do to finally have you all to himself. So that those private shows he watches through a screen can finally be real.

Scara finds the journal sitting innocently on Kazuha’s bed, its maroon cover and maple leaves pulling at his curiosity. He might not know everything about Kazuha, but he’d recognize this journal anywhere. His roommate almost always has it on his person. Scara wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with it. To say he’s curious would be absolutely correct. He can only wonder what Kazuha writes in that thing. Perhaps it’s just notes for a class. That’s what anyone would think, right?

Scara opens it and flips through the first few pages. They’re normal for the most part. Just a bunch of haikus and other useless scribbles. When he skips over some pages, he starts to find things that are far more interesting than poetry and doodles of cats. He finds the majority of the journal is comprised of information. More specifically, there are facts and other knowledge about you—the cam model he’s been obsessed with ever since he stumbled upon your onlyfans. He reads through as much of the journal as he can and instantly learns so much: your address, your roommate, your workplace, your friends’ names, names of any potential exes. The list goes on and on.

Scara doesn’t have anything against Kazuha. His first impression of him wasn’t anything groundbreaking. He thought he was a pushover at first. But now that he knows what this journal holds… Well, it sheds an entirely new light on his roommate.

Just days before Scara took a peek inside his journal, Kazuha discovers your secret online life. He snoops through Scara’s laptop when he steps out, having left it open and unlocked. He’s just trying to find what could have caught Scara’s interest, as he’s almost always glued to his laptop on specific days at specific times, with his headphones on and his gaze unyielding. He doesn’t intend to find the file of one of your private videos—something that was meant only for Scara’s eyes.

He clicks on the video out of interest. He’s not sure what he was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn’t this. Kazuha sits there and stares at the sight before him. You’re dressed in skimpy lingerie and you’re muttering the dirtiest things while coating your fingers in lube. And your hands are stroking a thick toy and you’re addressing Scara and you’re lining it up to your hole and— He shuts the laptop before it can get even more explicit than it already is. He’s so conflicted, fraught with a betrayal so strong it weighs his heart down.

Why would he have this sort of video on his laptop? Did you give it to him? Did he make you do this? Are you in danger? Are you still pure?

Kazuha can’t kill on campus. It’s way too risky and he’d be one of the first suspects if Scara’s body is found. Besides, it’s not like he has the full story. He doesn’t know whether or not Scara’s done something that’s worthy of death. You could just be in a tight spot. He knows how easily you give in when you’re under pressure. Maybe you’re just doing this because you feel like it’s the only thing you can do. Not to worry; Kazuha will save you before Scara can ruin your purity with his twisted fantasies.

They confront each other when the time feels right. Kazuha struggles to keep a smile plastered to his face for the sake of politeness, while Scara holds in his raging temper so that he can bear some semblance of cooperation. Neither of them is happy to hear that the other went through their stuff, but they force themselves to make up because a more pressing issue is at hand: their connection to you.

Kazuha says he’s your secret admirer. Scara says he’s in a relationship with you. There’s no way you’d ever date someone like Scara—Kazuha knows this for a fact. Yet he falters at the confidence in Scara’s tone. That can’t be the truth, right? Despite this, Kazuha still strikes up an offer: If they work together to get what they both want, they’ll be unstoppable. With Scara’s riches and his influence and Kazuha’s charisma and clever thinking, they can easily get their hands on you. Of course this means they’ll have to share, but it’s not a big deal when they’re already in so deep. They both know the other’s secret; now they’re swearing to keep it in the pursuit of having you all to themselves. And luckily Scara agrees to the deal, but that doesn’t give Kazuha a reason to lower his guard.

However despite how well they work together when it comes to planning the kidnapping and actually executing it, they both have their own reasons for wanting you. Scara wishes to make his relationship with you a reality—to toss aside the screen that once held him back and finally do all of the things he could only do in his dreams. Kazuha seeks to protect your fragile heart, lest you crumble under Scara’s intense way of doing things and cling to him for salvation. You can’t do those sorts of things with Scara; he won’t allow it. Your purity is meant for him and no one else.

But sharing is caring and some have to learn that the hard way. It definitely brings Kazuha and Scara closer together, even if neither of them will admit it. If they look past their desires, they can be friends. And soon enough they’ll have to accept this new friendship if they want to avoid any unnecessary complications.

However there are times when they’ll cooperate in order to do things with you. They’re a packaged deal you can’t get rid of.

[stickynotestoletters]

Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2

Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.

This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!

sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.

Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification

Sero Hanata

so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you

they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him

Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you

Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows

If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it

they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times

they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort

If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.

they cried way more than you though...

Was very accepting as an nb person as well

they custom made you a tape binder of his

Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them

Takes you to pride but you cannot speak

only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them

Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float

You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at

After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go

they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though

When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board

they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else

If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort

Tokoyami Fumikage

haha they're in love with you

like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you

Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you

when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius

Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours

After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude

they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world

they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways

hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek

they love living with you though, like really love it

they like baking and making dinner for you

but especially baking

like really, baking

the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do

they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well

The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them

you both kind of heal each other through this process

they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need

also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth

idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao

they also get you a compression corset because they're emo

if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them

they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it

there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like

they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this

but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine

Shinso Hitoshi

Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain

they always thought that they weren't good enough for you

he loved you but you needed to say hi first

and you did

so he whisked you away

they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food

he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable

especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him

He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows

once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light

they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?

a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega

sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things

when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care

like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it

he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"

HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????

definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though

like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you

he melts over you cuddling them after those times though

if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there

like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)

Monoma Neito

bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face

love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way

he loves just having you around him

kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it

likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him

a hardcore fan of collars though

definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it

big time cook

loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies

absolute fucking disaster about hugging you

always has to be touching you

he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom

if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first

he's just diet transphobic

he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff

he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes

he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole

talks to you about binders and stuff like that

doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through

he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt

he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun

Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.

[hanafubukki]

Convert Anon💜 here!!

Ace and Deuce are totally not afraid, what do you mean, they’re not hiding behind us what do you mean?

Grim will always be Grim and him always being mouth before brains is his thing, and he’d be blunt and also it’d be familiar and i’s give him a smooch on the forehead

I’m sure he’d love babysitting your daughter and watching her with Ace and deuce

Fae always love tricks and Sebek has to fight for favourite half fae title(he’snfav crocodile boi)

Cheka just calls me Auntie and it would take a while for me to get used to it and watch as Leona smirks and calls me wife around other people and watch as i get flustered and want to hide and now he’s teasing me and i would try and help Ruggie to get Leona eat his veggies if he teases me too much

And i’m sorry Ruggie, but i dont like veggies🥺 but i will help you feed them to Leona >:)

But now i have Leona brainrot(its joining my Azul and Tweel and Idia brainrot) about him being happy to have a lioness and being pride but him trying to court us before and trying his best to court us into his pride and i would be dense(cause I kinda am sometimes) and all of Savanaclaw trying to help him and everyone but me and Kalim can see it and i don’t know the courting behaviours because i wasnt always one and him getting a lil disheartened but Ruggie the man comes in clutch and tells me a lil bluntly and then i go to his room where he’s pouting after learning about how to reciprocate the courting

Reassuring his insecurities cause his brother probably has more and just cuddles and maybe try to cook for him and let him nuzzle and mark me

And meme worthy princes are the best and it would be cool to get something like it in twst :D

A for effort ace and deuce lolol but if ace can punch riddle and deuce can face off against vil, then definitely they can go against Lilia. Silver is watch on the side and sebek is just, well, he understands their feelings.

grim and daughter is going to be found just sleeping and cuddling and its going into the album. take all the pictures. I'm sure grim will live a long life too so he's going be another companion in the Vanrouge family.

sebek will always be fave croc boy brig brother

well, if he's teasing you then you have to tease him back right? call him husband and just watch him pause for a few seconds lolol

pspspssp feed the veggies to Convert anonie too pspsps

yes! I have unlocked leona brain rot lolol

I'll going you in the dense apartment, apparently I was being flirted with and I didn't realize it yesterday. whoops. in my defense I thought he was just happy to meet someone else with similar interests! dklfkjfjlkfjldk

Ruggie is our hyena! let's gooooo

leona you need to blunt lol

let him bring food for you, that's his way of showing he can provide. you know better now dont you? now you have to let him show you the full courtship.

*manifesting one of the rsa students jumping out the window*

[getofy]

as you are loved by another

genre: angst; tsukishima x gn!reader | wc: 1.2k

—a/n: hello! this is long overdue but tysm for 100 followers aaa. it means a lot that people enjoy my stupid headcanons/word-vomits. as a gift i offer you: this angsty kei fic that i wrote in the wee hours of the morning. is it good? questionable. am i happy with it? not necessarily. however, posting this seemed better than scrapping so here we are </3. enjoy!

cw: brief mentions of death/funerals; self pity/deprecation; no spoilers; one-sided pining; hurt/no comfort

—synopsis: in which tsukishima’s not sure who he hates more: your new boyfriend or himself.

edit: i made it so when tsukki refers to ur boyfriend, it’s in italics. im so sorry i forgot to do that before.

✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈«

—Tsukishima had never considered himself to be a hateful person, and yet, here he was: laying in bed on a Friday night, thinking about you with him, and allowing levels of unprecedented envy to bubble up in his chest.

This was not how he had expected his night to turn out.

One moment, he had been doing homework at his desk, and the next, his mind was wandering to today at lunch when you giggled after receiving a text message from your insufferable boyfriend. The memory lasted for only a short moment, but it was all it took to make his head spiral. He had tried to control it, but once his brain got going, it was hard to get it to stop; eventually, he had to retire from being productive to rotting on his mattress.

Generally, Tsukishima was good at keeping sentiments such as these at bay. But it’s been getting harder to do that now, especially since you and him have been so affectionate together recently.

The cruelty of it all leaves him feeling burned by the fire of his jealousy, and a natural disaster of his own making plays out in the depths of his heart as he studies the intricacies of his bare, white ceiling. A song by some band he couldn’t bother to remember the name of emits itself loudly from his phone speakers while the middle blocker desperately tries to stop his train of toxic thinking. He rolls from his back to his side and lowers the annoying music’s volume; not even the most incredible lyrical masterpiece could pull him from the devastation the conflagration of his emotions had been causing him as of late.

And, besides, the sound was giving him a headache. He preferred to brood in silence.

The intensity of his feelings irritates him. Despite his outwardly antagonistic exterior, Tsukishima had always believed his tendency for total apathy would take precedent over any other negative emotion—including jealously.

Tonight, however, was proving this preconceived notion of his character completely wrong.

This wasn’t the first time he’d wasted his night thinking about you and him. Ever since the day you had giddily announced your new relationship, Tsukishima had been allowing himself to become more acquainted with the green-eyed monster, and this evening, he relishes in its company more than usual.

Pity parties like this—which was shaping up to be the worst one to date—had been happening to him more frequently. Feelings of contempt had become his newfound obsession in the sense that they consumed his very being. Hating him was easier than hating himself, and he enjoyed it. The only downside towards living so sullenly was that it made him realize that, more often than not, guilt was a close companion of unwarranted negativity.

Tsukishima knew better than anyone else how outrageous his feelings were. And feeling this way did trouble him, but then again, how could he not be envious?

Seeing the way his hand wrapped around your waist. Recalling the way his fingers traced little shapes into your hands. Remembering the way his eyes followed you as you walked out of the room—as if Kei’s hadn’t been the ones that did that first. It was all just too much for him to bear. Knowing that he made you happy in a way that he could not.

The overwhelming knowledge of his inadequacy makes the middle blocker want to double over in anguish, but he won’t, not yet. He is much too proud to allow himself to display such sorrow, so he’ll settle for feeling hatred tonight instead.

Of course, he knows that he’s in no position to be feeling this way. You were never his, and he had never shown interest in changing that. It was only a matter of time before someone swept you off your feet and gave you the affection he had neglected to provide you with. This whole situation was very obviously his fault. If he had been brave enough to confess before he had, maybe he’d be the one you loved instead. Or maybe not. Your new boyfriend was absolutely perfect for you, and Kei was anything but.

This was so tirelessly aggravating. Why did you have to be stupid and date somebody he could never compete with?

White-hot resentment flows through his veins, and he’s not sure if it’s directed at you, himself, or the man you love. Regardless, one more second of this suffocation, and he thinks it’s likely he’ll die by the morning time. The thought of it makes him laugh, and it temporarily lifts the burden on his heart.

Maybe his funeral would be green-themed. That wouldn’t be so bad—he quite likes the color. Or maybe his tombstone would say something like: ‘Tsukishima Kei: A son, a friend, and someone left gasping for air after being smothered to death by the tight grip of unjustifiable envy.’

Wouldn’t that be something?

Tsukishimas mind betrays the light-heartedness of the moment ruined when, bitterly, it wonders how much you’d care if his death—albeit a metaphorical one—actually did happen.

You probably wouldn’t be too concerned, especially now that you’ve got...someone who isn’t himself who would happily help to console you as you grieve. You were always gushing about how your new boyfriend was such a good listener. One kiss from that guy would probably make any pain you felt about his own fictional death go away in an instant.

Not that he would blame you. Tsukishima thought himself to be pretty forgettable. And he was anything but.

Why reminisce on the underwhelming memory of his own life when you had someone who shone so much brighter than he ever could to focus on instead?

He hates this—the way he let it get this bad. What was wrong with him? He was acting like an entitled child watching other kids play with a toy he wanted to play with. And he hated himself for it. You were a person, not a possession. And even if you were, you were still not his to have.

No, you belonged to someone infinitely better.

Someone who made you smile bigger than he ever could. Someone who made you laugh harder than he ever would. Someone who he despised—second only to himself—more than anyone else in the world.

As he rests in the still of his room, evaluating how intelligent he could possibly be after doing something as stupid as falling for one of his best friends, Tsukishima Kei decides that while he may hate your lover, he hates himself more.

A strange melancholy replaces his previous feelings of jealousy, and his typical level of self-loathing cranks it’s way up to 100. There’s a growing ache in place of where his heart should be, and Kei shakily brings his hand to clench at it. When the pain does not subside, he deduces that his current level of grief was inconsolable. Wearily, the middle blocker shuts his eyes close and allows himself to escape to the bliss of sleep.

Maybe, he’d be able to outrun the misery of loving you as you are loved by someone else in the world of dreams.

He hopes he can.

*do not repost my work without proper credit and my explicit permission.

a/n: again, i apologize for not being super active (mental illness goes hard), but i’ve been feeling better so hopefully that changes! likes + reblogs are always appreciated and feel free to give me constructive criticism (i know i need it lol). i hope you enjoyed.

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[kukuandkookie]

My sleep schedule is broken and it’s 9:00 am but I was just wondering why I don’t visit the SVSSS tags on Tumblr more often.

Especially since I’m constantly visiting the tags of my other brain rots. Like I go into the Word of Honor and Qian Qiu tags quite often these days, since those are some of what I’m currently obsessed with. Plus I literally used to scroll through tags like Mo Dao Zu Shi every single day back when I was super fixated on the series. I have fond memories of eating lunch in between uni classes just browsing the Mo Dao Zu Shi Tumblr tag and enjoying all the content. 😆

Despite this blog’s origin as an art blog, I have a tendency to just reblog whatever I like, and that often means fandom stuff. So I was wondering why I don’t reblog a bunch of SV posts at once more often—since I do it for other series I like, and I have done it for SV a few times, but not too often.

At first I thought maybe it’s because I brain rot over SV on Twitter so much (my account basically paints me as an SV “main” at this point 😂) and my lovely amazing SV friends who are all such talented artists and writers provide me with so much good food on Twitter already...

So I went into the SVSSS tag on Tumblr to see for myself and well.

I now realize why I don’t visit that often GKSKFDJDJ.

It’s true SV has seen more love lately (I think? At least I see more fans being active on Twitter and the MXTX Discord server I’m part of), but it’s definitely still the most “underrated/unloved” out of MXTX’s works. Like a lot of the top trending posts in SV are crossover posts with TGCF and MDZS—content which is totally perfect btw!—but also serves as a sign that SV occasionally gets swept over in spotlight.

Plus it’s true people can be hypercritical of the “unhealthier” aspects of Bingqiu, and I still see critiques in the tags. Like that time I just finished SV and I was really excited and I went into the tag and was immediately hit with piles of anti-Bingqiu posts talking about how “nasty/gross” the novel is.

Anyway, this is just some late night (early morning? Oops it’s 9:30 am lol) fandom musings. Don’t mind me~

I’ll finish off with saying I saw some art of LBH and SQQ I’ve already seen and yet still makes me very happy, and just say again that I adore them so much. 🥺

I was literally writing about them on Twitter a couple days ago—about how I love them because they’re both idiots—loveable idiots, but idiots nonetheless. Out of all of MXTX’s couples, they’re arguably the biggest disasters—and also I love how their outer personality contrasts with their inner personalities and how SV turns famous tropes on its head.

Anyway I’m starting to get into a whole different thing from the original intention of this post lol. I should probably get some more sleep. 😅

[tonya-the-chicken]

I wrote this post some time ago as a reply to someone and now I somehow want to post it again with some changes lol

TW: mentions of murder, referenced canon abuse and swearing

Let’s talk about redemption arcs and people’s overwhelming desire to punish fictional characters for what they did... Inspired by Endeavor hate ngl... I mostly speak about fictional charcters in this post so pllease, don’t go dumb and understand that fictional characters and irl people should be treated differently

I think sometimes people don`t understand why punishment exists in our society at all. Like, why couldn`t we just forgive? Why punishment is needed? Oh, I would like to talk about behavioural psychology, but it is kinda creepy so instead let`s remember what my teacher of LAWS said(idk what you call it in your bitchass America)

Punishment basically serves two functions:

Preventative (show others and a person that they can’t just get away with their deeds). Like, if you knew that there are no negative consequences, wouldn`t you do it? Wouldn`t you kill the old lady?

Correction and all work with a person in general (for example, you can be forced to go through some psychological help)

Also, I lied there’s one more: compensation. Like, if you stole something, then bring money back, you little shit. Or pay for therapy for your victim

So when we put it into stories and so popular nowadays redemption arcs (which I fucking adore if they are done correctly) we have 4 points out of this 3 cause the first one can be put into two

Character is punished to show others that this is not something you should do (it’s a kinda societal thing and has nothing to do with character in particular. This point in general is not interesting because it doesn’t drives changes in person by itself)

Character is punished so he himself would think twice before doing this shit again (we can’t know if person’s remorse is genuine so it’s better to simply scare them. But I can allow skipping this point if person’s remorse is clealy shown to be genuine and we as readers understand that. That’s probably the big distinction we, as readers, should see: while irl we never know persons true motives, work of fiction can provide them to us clearly)

Character changes and understands what is wrong in what he has done (the part of redemption we all love and enjoy)

Characters work hard to correct or atone for their mistakes

As we can see first two bullets has nothing to do with character development and serve for the purpose of maintaining order. The third one IS a character development and the last one is what makes people actually forgive horrible actions and not go ape shit I guess. But for some of us nothing is enough, isn`t it?

And there is one more shit that is often in redemption arcs and that shit is great and I fucking love it

Explanation of the character’s behaviour, their reasoning and motivation

I truly enjoy reading about WHY characters behave a certain way but people, remember, SAD BACKSTORY IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. Same goes to your mental problems and hard life situation. The fact that behaviour can be explained doesn’t mean shit. Like, behaviour also follows certain laws and despite the fact that it’s sometimes hard to understand all the details we still theoretically can explain ANY BEHAVIOUR. Does this mean we can excuse any behaviour? HELL NO

So remember folks, “They had their reasons to do this” means nothing most of the time. “I wanted to try how it feels” is actually a valid reason to kill someone, you know. Of course, if crimes is not severe, reasoning suddenly can be very important like we won`t punish harshly someone who stole bread cause he is starving or cause he has kleptomania (I mean as a literal disorder). But even in that case you must pay back money cause like stealing is bad but eat the rich

let`s talk examples from bnha cause why not

Endeavour

We have Enji oh my baby you have done so much stupid shit you dumbass. Sad backstory even if will be brought up in the future, currently is not a focus of redemption at all. Like, he even doesn`t explain his behaviour too much. “He want to be the strongest, so he decided that even if his genes will make it to the top it will be enough. As a result,  blinded by his goal,   he abused his family”. Basically, it`s all the explanation we have right now. And if Hori stops at it I will be fine with it. Honestly, as much as I want to learn more about Enji’s past if Horikoshi leaves everything at this I would give him nothing but mad respect cause... This kind of shows that your reasoning doesn’t matter that much if you did horrifying things

So 3 points to redeem someone

Enji didn’t suffer any punishment for his actions (nightmares are considered punishment only if you believe in God. Also, too weak, God, try harder... And same goes for High-End). When I think about him being punished I actually worry about society’s reaction cause, like, he is number 1 hero and the fact that he’s an abuser will be, like, very shocking to simple people.Trust in hero will fall harder than my will to live during 2020. And honestly, media would just turn this into a drama possibly hurting other members of his family, like.... Enji being legally punished for his action would be an interesting plotline but in general I am not a fan

We see his genuine remorse and character growth. We all agree that he even is drawn differently now changed and trying to become a better person, yeah? Clumsily at first, but he genuinely works hard to be a better peron, hero and father. I can respecct that

Compensation… Well, you can exactly “correct” trauma so he should pay up for psychologists for each child he probably should follow the path of atonement and try to give them something he robbed them from. Like, go to family dinners with Fuyumi even though every last one of them is a disaster and nobody is happy to be there. Or make everything possible to provide Rei calm life with her children (like building a new house, yes, this is an amazing thing) or at least become *reducted cause I wanna this post to be serious and SFW*... Tbh I have nothing to say, he himself says multiple times that he seeks nothing but atonment, not even forgiveness

So like you better work bitch to make your family happy bastard... [And tbh they seem so much better then when I first wrote this post, I am so proud of you, my garbage fire man]

Overhaul

In no way is he redeemed but somehow people put Overhaul and Endeavor stans in the same category so here he goes

Kai has something Enji doesn’t: very good and detailed explanation, a plan, a smart reasoning. His wrong deeds were basically for a better good he believed in. But we all collectively hate him for what he done to Eri despite his actions having r E A S o n S. Dude has some MOTIVATION. So like yeah bros. It makes him an interesting character and he is an amazing villain but dude deserves to rot in prisons. He shows no remorse and I am gonna bet he won`t even think about somehow helping others. Dude is a shitty person. And I fucking love him

So let’s go for our 3 bullets again

Punishment. Yes, he is punished, he is in jail with both his hands cut off. Would it make people forgive him? Nah

Personal growth. I would like to see it but as far we saw barely no growth... Though maybe being in jail without quirk will make his brain work

Atonement... Dude has a Messiah complex, I ain’t waiting for that anytime soon

So I asked myself if I had two men: one who spent a sentence in jail for child abuse but is more or less the same person and another who wasn’t punished for his abuse but feel genuine remorse and actively try to make things better who will I choose? Of course, I will choose Pikachu

But is it possible to redeem Overhaul? I wonder if there`s a force in this world strong enough to make him become a better person. Welp... I am a sucker for redemptions, justt letting you know

All for One

Oh, he is irredeemable (and this is sexy). Why is he here? Cause, well

Even if he is punished there`s no punishment severe enough to describe how horrifying his deeds are

Even if he is to feel remorse… he has like 500 years or something??? And he didn`t feel anything killing people??? So why would he change today?

Even if he atone for what he’s done… I am to believe he started at least a civil war. You can`t atone for that bitch. You crossed all fucking lines, all fucking lines

AfO is literally the most evvil man in bnha... I don’t want to see him redeemed cause I love characters that are pure evil and I love the despair of realizing you can’t fix what you have done. Though you are free to have a different opinion! Who knows, maybe Horikoshi will make a classy redemption for him and I will scream out of excitement? Cause I am that kind of bitch??? Who knows! I just love to think Doctor Ujiko is gay for him

Anyway, why do people like to make this characters suffer? Like, Endeavor, Minoru, Overhaul, many others? Is this part of the “punishment” to feel like person paid for their deeds? Or do people just like fictional violence and punishing “bad” characters make them feel good about themselves? Who knows

I have no idea what this post is about I want to sleep and I like Enji though if you dislike him this is fine. I hope it was interesting reading this, love you all bye

Don’t kill me for my controversial takes, I am depressed

[amorrdemiel]

I am ready for cherry pie.

I was trying to write this in my journal, but sometimes the feelings want to come out faster than my little hand can scribble so I came here to frantically type it all out. 

I asked God to walk deeper into the Garden of Life. Earlier this summer, I knew I had found Heaven, I felt myself forgiven, I felt everyone forgiven, I felt us all to be love. But what I thought was living in Heaven was actually just the entrance, and I comfortably pulled up a chair to gaze lovingly at its doors lol, and I realized I could actually walk within.  But I was afraid. I asked God for the courage and the clarity to walk deeper into the joy of life. And I heard her joy calling me, a song just for me.  I heard her calling me to music, to sit at my piano keys and play. I heard her calling me through day dreams of traveling in a camper van of my own, of watcher her Holy sunrises at different oceans, to gaze at her freckle stars in the night, in deserts I had never crossed before. I heard her call upon the wind of peace, of sleep. I saw her show how gentle life truly was, how it was willing and wanting to caress me, to be caressed.  BUT I still felt fear, and even worse a strange itch overcame me to purposely look for terrible things, things I don’t even want to look at on a regular basis. Wanting to purposely look at murders, at violence, at suffering. And I didn’t understand why. I knew better than to succumb to the itch to seek these things out, I knew it wouldn’t give me wisdom and I felt something strange about the itch. After a really good tarot reading from my sister, she helped me clarify that weird itch to find things horrific.  Joy requires vulnerability, she said. And it is difficult to be vulnerable when you lack trust in life, down to a bone psychological level.  She helped remind me of how when I broke my arm in the summer before third grade, it was a traumatic experience for me that changed the psychology of me forever. I didn’t know this until this week, but apparently because I was a child, they couldn’t give me anesthesia and the two options for my very large break in my arm, was either preform surgery on me while I was very much lucid and awake or rearrange my bones back into place blindly so they wouldn’t have to make a cut on me. Somehow, the best bone doctor in Texas at the time just so happened to be at the hospital in El Paso and he chose to blindly rearrange my bones back into place. and he told my mom and my dad to watch the pain I was about to go through because it would change me forever. My sister stayed too because she is brave and loving and wanted to be there for me, even though she too was just a child. They always tell me about how traumatic it was for them to see me screaming in pain as he was rearranging my broken bones, and I remember just searing pain lmao I just remember it being hours of pain, as they made me twist my arms for X-Rays, and when they kept twisting my arm to put my bones back into place. Truly painful lmao  BUT point of the story is, I used to be a very active child before that, I was always running, playing music, I was always smiling and happily in my garden, I was a straight-A student in GT. And after that I wasn’t, and all the details to me don’t matter any more. (EVEN THO, I felt a little upset that my mom remembered how the doctor told her that I would be changed forever and my parents STILL screamed at me for hours when I stopped getting straight A’s, and couldn’t focus anymore. if the doctor told you I was changed forever, how come you still screamed at me for hours because I got a C? how come you literally told me: When you broke your arm, something got damaged in your brain, you must have hit your head and scrambled something, so try really hard to think what happened and change it, just change it. Go back to how you were. IDK I FEEL LIKE THAT KINDA CONTRIBUTED TO ME CUTTING AND HITTING MYSELF OUT OF FRUSTRATION, WOULDN’T YOU THINK? Like my sister summarized it the best, which was that they were holding me accountable, a child, for understanding the trauma I went through and working through it just so I could get the grades they wanted me to get. -___- BUT WHATEVER I AM LEARNING TO FORGIVE THEM FOR WHAT THEY COULDN”T UNDERSTAND THEN.) The beautiful thing I rather focus on, is after reminding me of this, my mom and my sister both cried and hugged me for a good solid ten minutes and kissed me, and told me that I don’t have to feel afraid anymore, that life isn’t what I feared it to be anymore, and that I am free and can be vulnerable to joy, and that is truly what I rather focus on than the past parents that didn’t know how to cope with what I had gone through.  My sister also reminded me of how I conveniently forgot how earlier this year I went to see a physical therapist finally for my knee which hurt me a lot and made me feel like I couldn't go hiking or any of the adventurous things I wanted to do bc it hurt too much and he straight up told me that it was all PSYCHOLOGICAL. Which was super wild for me to hear, because I think he’s right! lmao.  It reminds me of when I was a child, and I used to run out in my little garden in the sun all the time, and how sometimes I was suddenly forced to stop because I couldn’t move without feeling a lot of pain, and I would look down at my feet and I saw how all those thorned stickers were on my laces, my socks, my shoes and it hurt too much to move so I was just stuck. (Which makes me feel happy about that dream I once had where a large field beckoned me and I began running in its vastness barefoot, and I remember looking down and seeing a bunch of those thorned stickers and somehow missing every single one, and feeling so free.)  Anyhow, I resolved to allow myself to be vulnerable to go into joy, and that even with this psychological, bone deep memory of trauma happening when I move.  The day before yesterday, my sister made it aware to me that our betta Artemis has fin rot (mild) and I felt so in pain because of it. One thing I could never stand was seeing the people (or animals) I love in pain, and I’ve never acted on this impulse, but the first impulse I have when my sister tells me about a traumatic experience she’s had or I see my animals hurt is to say “NO! That’s NOT how you feel, this isn’t real.” BUt it’s so irrational to me, to say this, that I never act on it but I do have to convince myself by becoming more objective to handle the pain of seeing them in pain.  But I guess I have allowed myself to feel more vulnerable and more sensitive to life (I used to allow myself to be sensitive when I was a toddler but I was just so overwhelmed and my parents would yell at you if you cried so I just capped it.) But I’m letting myself be sensitive, so I did feel angry at my sister initially for telling me that Artemis had fin rot, and I felt very upset, but I let it be there and we researched how to heal it and took immediate action the next day and even though my sister was sensitive about it, and I was sensitive about it, we did a great job at getting everything we needed, staying calm and supportive of one another, and it just always surprises me how much me and my sister haven’t adopted the way my mom and dad do things which is screaming, and panicked and violent. (Well, we worked ourselves out of it through love and patience.)  But as we were driving to the pet store for the second time to get something else to help us out with Artemis’s tank, I told my sister about how allowing myself to feel the pain I felt at Artemis being sick, when I got home from the pet store this morning and went to say hello to my pug before getting started with my sister on deep cleaning his tank and getting salt in it to sterilize the wounds, I felt a much deeper and softer joy at hugging Qipsi and holding her in my arms and I realized that joy came from allowing myself to feel the pain of Artemis. That when I let myself feel the pain, it also let me feel the pull, the desire to tend to his tank, his little body and soul, his water much more diligently and the joy that arose in that, and it let me feel the pull and desire to tend to Qipsi more tenderly, and tend to myself more tenderly. And so pain, allowing the suffering allowed joy as well.  My sister told me about how she read or saw that when you allow yourself to feel the pain, you allow yourself to feel the pathway to the healing of it.  And that just shook me because I never looked at it like that. I always thought pain was useless, or was just to burn your ego, or just frustrating, but I see now how it led to more joy, it led to truer joy. How it led to truthful joy, and I never let it show me the healing. I was so afraid of pain, I never let it show me how to heal, I just hated how I was hurt to begin with. But if I could just focus my attention and the pathway to healing, and to feel the healing, the joy of it.  AND SO, here I stand, on the precipice of fate, on the road I am asking to help guide me to the purpose of my life, the highest good of my life, and I feel I understand what joy and pain truly are.  I asked God to lead me deeper into the garden of life, so that I may understand what I am here to provide, what of my highest good can I give back, and I was given clarity and courage. Clarity to understand the truth behind pain, the way it shines a path to the healing of you and me, to the healing of body and soul and courage to face the vulnerability that joy requires, that pain requires to open you to deeper joy, and so it goes.  I want to play and create and enjoy this sandbox of life. 

And I want cherry pie. 

[siodymph]

IZ Secret Santa 2017

For @controlbrain

Hey there! I was your secret santa! I was really psyched when I found out, I’ve loved your art for like years now in the IZ community lol. (Also I’m super sorry this is coming out so late. I’d really hoped I could of finished it earlier than this but my holidays got really busy. And sorry for any errors I may have missed.) Anyways, I decided to try and combine both of your suggestions into one fic! Where Dib goes out and has a grand old time while Zim feels like he’s being tortured lol. I hope you enjoy the outcome! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! (You can read this under the cut or over on my AO3)

“Night of the Walking Lame”

word count: 2236

“Stink-brain, why do you bother making-up your greasy face? Most humans do it to look prettier, but you just look even more disgusting than usual.”

Dib’s eyebrows knitted as he looked at the Irken through a mirror. He was currently trying to do his face but Zim kept interrupting his process. He was applying a foundation several shades paler than his normal skin tone. That along with grey eyeshadow along his jawline and under eyes made him look sickly. Walking dead was what he was going for.

“I’m not trying to look human here. I need to blend in, and not everyone has cheap holograms.” He tried to explain, easily getting annoyed by the alien’s antics. But he found himself smiling again as he put on some dark, thick lines of eye-liner around his eyes. To Dib it really made the hazel color in his eyes pop.

“Cheap!?” Zim gasped, clawed hand going over his chest. “Zim’s disguises are some of the finest in the whole armada!”

“Well even if they are, they won’t work. I need to actually look the part to sell this! I also need to smell the part.” Dib smirked at the last part, picking up a glass perfume bottle filled with a concoction he’d made himself. Giving Zim no warning he doused himself in a disgusting purple-ish grey mist that smelled like old dusty cardboard boxes, a pair of musty shoes left out in the rain and something foul just beginning to rot.

Zim gagged, running to the back corner of Dib’s bedroom and covering his face where a nose would be. “Who on this filthy planet in their right mind willing smells like that?!”

Trying not to breathe in too deeply, Dib stepped back to look himself over in the mirror. “Vampires. A hoard spotted just outside of town specifically. A group of teenagers went missing a few years ago while having a party out in the woods… and now they’ve come back apparently.”

Dib didn’t think he looked half-bad. With the make-up and gross smell he actually looked like the undead. Plus he always liked having an excuse to wear all-black. He was almost ready to go, just needed to get on his shoes and they could go head out for the investigation. Unable to hide his excitement he spun on his heels and skipped over to his closet. Digging around for a specific pair of shoes.

Zim watched the human with a raised eye socket, Dib could be a strange creature sometimes. At least he wasn’t being bossy yet. He decided to go through the human’s bag as he struggled to dress himself. There were cameras and a voice recorded, but there was also a good amount of garlic and silver in there as well as a taser. “So what exactly is you’re plan, meat-boy? Kill them or interview them?”

“Eh, not sure yet…”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m just trying to be prepared for anything, Zim. They could be docile, but they could also be dangerous.”

“Shouldn’t you decide what to do with these vampire babies before you catch them?” Zim shot back, looking at his clawed fingers nonchalantly. Honestly how this human expected to get anything done was Zim’s guess.

“Whatever I’m just think- Ha! Got’em!” Dib’s train of thought was lost as he crawled out of his disgustingly cluttered closet with a pair of high-grade leather boots. They were perfect for hiking through the woods. Or at least that was always the justification he said out loud, in truth he wore them primarily because he thought they made him look cool. He stood up and walked over to his bed to put them on.

Suddenly towering above him, Zim had to step back and get out of his way. His eyes narrowed to slits as he was forced to look up at Dib. His hands went to his hips and not really realizing it he tried to stretch up a little higher. The time had begun now where all the sniveling worm babies started shooting up into tall dumb stinky adults. He wondered just how stupid Dib and his sister would get the taller they became. Maybe his big head would let him hold on to a little of his intellect. As for his sister, sometimes she doubted the girl was even human. Regardless he hated having the annoying human lording above him now. As if he were actually better than him, like that could actually happen.

He grumbled about it under his breath as he went to the mirror and readjusted his wig and contacts.

“If you plan on whining the entire time don’t even come.” Dib said keeping his snarky tone, not even bothering to look up as he laced his right leather boots.

“Zim does not whine.” Zim replied. Dib couldn’t tell if he was actually offended or if he was just being patronizing. “I simply point out your errors. I can’t help it that they exist in practically everything you do. It’s almost fascinating actually.”

Definitely patronizing. “Shut up.” Rolling his eyes Dib got up from his bed and hoisted his duffle bag onto his shoulders. “So do you actually plan on being helpful, or do you just plan on being an ass the entire time? Cause I really need someone who can hold my camera.”

Zim scoffed and waved one hand in Dib’s direction. “You should be grateful Zim even agrees to go on your little field trips of yours.”

“And what about trying to ‘study the smelly secondary sentient life-forms on this pathetic little planet’?” Dib asked, mocking Zim’s voice. Apparently that was the Tallest’s most recent mission for Zim, to study other secret life forms on earth to see if they were any easier to conquer.

“I could just as easily do that from the comfort of my lair.” Zim said, folding his arms and pouting.

“Maybe if information on the paranormal was more accessible and accredited.” Dib said, starting to get smug. He dropped another bulky duffle bag on the floor directly in front of Zim. “But unfortunately it’s not so you just. Got. me.”

Zim snarled and threw the bag over his shoulder. He hated it when Dib acted all high-and-mighty and got that stupid look on his face. “I’d watch the tone if I were you, worm.”

Dib hardly seemed phased. Still grinning, he headed for the door. Simply expecting Zim to follow him. “Come on lizard, we don’t have all night!”

Grumbling under his breath Zim followed the excited young teen out of his room and out of his house. All this, stupid disguising and horrible odors with the planet’s most annoying human had better be worth it…

~~~

It wasn’t.

After nearly two hours of wandering through the woods, they eventually ran into the monsters. And in the end it was them who found Dib and Zim wandering through the dark.

And the teenagers weren’t even undead. They were just emo-goth kids who had run away from home to go live in the woods because they disagreed with society. And their sunken-in faces and horrible odor was from them needing to sleep and bath more regularly.

As much as it had disappointed Zim it did provide a fascinating look at the psyche of human adolescents. Their absolute hate for things like social order, unfair rules… and soap apparently.  

And at least the Dib was disappointed too. When it was plainly explained to him that there were no actual vampires, just dumb teenagers, he seemed distraught. At first he refused to believe it. He argued it was just a trick the vampires were pulling to avoid being caught. But soon the truth became apparent. Dropping his duffle bag, dropping to the ground himself, and screaming into the grass for a full three minutes.

Zim would have been fine calling it a night after that but no, no the other humans insisted they stay and comfort Dib in his temper tantrum. They ended up complimenting his sense of style and his interesting “cologne”. That seemed to raise the boy’s spirits and everything just went downhill from there.

Now Zim found himself sitting in an absolutely disgusting MacMeaties’s at 2 in the morning, surrounded by Dib and all the goth older teenagers who were apparently his “friends” now, unable to leave as they all talked much too loud with mouths full of greasy food.

He sincerely thought he might be sick. How could humans not only willingly eat such revolting food, but actually enjoy it?? It was astounding almost, how much germs and oils the human diet could withstand.

Unfortunately Zim couldn’t and one hand kept flying up to his mouth whenever he accidentally looked over and saw meat juice drip down someone’s face. It seemed like everyone was talking at once and yet no one wanted to pay any attention to him. Zim couldn’t stand it. For probably the billionth time that night he questioned why he’d ever bothered coming to earth. Disgusting, stupid little planet…

Dib on the other hand seemed to be having the time of his life. These teenagers were exactly the kind of people he could hang out with. Wearing all black, hiding out in the woods, avoiding dumb people and their dumb societies… They didn’t seem as keen towards his passion for the paranormal but they complimented him, saying it made his “wicked” and “macabre”.

At first he’d been pretty nervous around them. He didn’t really have any friends, besides Zim kinda. So he wasn’t really sure how to act or what to say around these older kids. But in the end he didn’t really need to do anything. He was just acting like himself and they seemed to like him. Probably the first time that ever happened in his life…

But one way or another the subject of school came up, mostly how much it sucked. It was actually the reason why the goth teens had all run away to live in the woods. And Dib couldn’t blame them, he hated living in this dumb city. And while he didn’t think living in the woods as squatters was the most appealing thing in the world he did wish sometimes he could leave this dump and never come back. Especially if it meant he could be around like-minded people who seemed to actually like being around him.

They kept talking, obnoxiously loud. Enough so that MacMeatie’s actually kicked them all out. But then they just kept talking as they walked outside through the city.

But eventually though the time came for the goths to once again retreat from society and return to the wild. They all left the restaurant and stopped when they came to the very outskirts of the city once again. But they promised that Dib could call them if he ever wanted to hang out since he seemed like a “pretty cool kid”.  Those words alone seemed to make him go starry-eyed as he waved goodbye to his new friends.

Zim simply watched as the weird little humans scampered off back to the woods. Dib seemed rather taken by them, but he silently hoped they would never run into them again.

With an entire night wasted with nothing to show for it Zim sulked as he walked home alongside Dib who was still a little misty-eyed after saying goodbye.

At least it was much quieter now. And Dib’s gross smell had worn off so Zim felt like he could finally breathe again. As the two walked alone he began to relax in small fractions.

“Why not go with the other humans?” Zim asked out of nowhere, now able to actually think. “You seemed to like those human children a lot. And they seemed willing to recruit you into their clique.”

Dib just shrugged as he shuffled alongside Zim. He hadn’t realized how loud he’d been talking before. His voice felt hoarse now. “Eh, it would be nice. But my family’s different from theirs. Gaz and Dad would flip out if I ever disappeared like that.”

“Really?” Dib’s family unit never seemed like the strongest, but then again he had been beaten up horribly by Dib’s demon-sister on several occasions when she’d needed him. And his father did seem to take a little pride in his son, as long as the unnatural stayed out of their conversations.

“Yeah pretty sure. Plus, you know, I still got these instigations I need to finish. Can’t leave my research half-finished inconclusive…”

That seemed more reasonable to Zim. He hummed a little in agreement as they kept walking. He could see Dib’s house in the distance. Even at this point in night his father would most-likely be working in the labs across town. And Gaz would undoubtedly be in her bedroom playing video games.

Zim missed the stupid smug smirk that came back to Dib’s face right before he shoved him hard enough to make the alien stumble. “And someone’s gotta be around to stop your stupid schemes!”

Zim hissed and shoved Dib back twice as hard into a wire fence. “They’re not stupid! And I least I actually organize schemes instead of running through the woods stalking humans!”

“It’s called observing! You’re supposed to do that before experimenting! Ya green idiot!” Dib argued back defensively.

The two continued to bicker as they went to Dib’s house after such an eventful night.

[jeonggukingdom]

the composer

↳ treblecleftherandom said: Yoongi x Reader: The Composer 

▽ Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

▽ Genre: violinist!AU

▽ Summary:   “Min Yoongi’s reputation precedes him everywhere he goes: the cold and heartless young composer whose walls are so high and impermeable many wonder if he really has a soul, hidden in there. His cold calculating persona is all everyone always sees. Everyone except you, the one and only able to bring him to his knees and make his guard down enough for you to shatter him into million pieces.”   

▽ Word Count: 1.719

▽ AN: thanks my sweetie for sending this because it immediately sparked this idea in my head and now I can’t get the image of a violinist Yoongi out of my brain, lol

His black shoes slither on the wooden floor, his slow steps the only audible sound in the empty theatre as he drags himself on the stage, the lights so dim it is almost impossible to make out the outline of the stairs but, that particular detail is not enough to stop his movements. Not when he knows the way up there by heart, too far accustomed to the solitude he always seeks and desperately needs in order for music to flow out of his fingers and release all the emotions he doesn’t know how to voice otherwise.

His eyes close as soon as the cold surface of his willow violin finds its place in the crook of his neck, the instrument his sole companion in these hours of serenity before the theatre fills with people ready to witness the show the company has worked so hard for.

His insides twitch as the bow glides against the chords, a little twist of his wrist and the music starts flowing naturally, filling the space all around him, speaking volumes about his jumbled thoughts, his anxiety slowly slithering away with each sound he creates.

Before he knows it, behind his closed lids, the image of his unrivaled muse appears in front of him: the curve of her arched body, the long lashes that touch the soft skin under her closed eyes, the little tilt of her mouth as she indulges into a smirk, teasing him to no end.

He releases the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding, the music still coming to life without him being able to make a notice of the notes that hurtle after one another, the melody foreign to his ears and yet, somehow, very familiar to his heart.

It has always been her and the feelings she’s capable to spawn in his otherwise rotted soul: the core of his music, of every one of his compositions.

Without his muse, he’s pure nothing, not even the simplest melody comes to life without her in his thoughts and he would know since he tried so hard, with every ounce of his being, to unhitch his inner melody from her presence. He doesn’t know how he was able to create before he met her but Lord knows, he’s no longer able to do so. Maybe it’s because she’s the very air he breaths, the very blood that pumps in his veins, the essence that nourishes his every move and he no longer exists as his own person now that she took over every inch of his being. He doesn’t know and, truthfully, he doesn’t care enough to found out because that would mean losing her and, God as his witness, he’d rather forsake his music than her.

His eyes open, his lips slightly parted as he recalls the softness of her rosy mouth under his thumb and, just as a phantom of his fantasy, there she is, taunting him with her very presence, a nymph came to make his desires even more prominent and uncontrollable.

His body always aches in her absence, every fiber of his frame longing for her touch whenever she’s not there to provide just that, his existence lived only in the function of her presence.

Her smile is all he’s able to see, his heart instantly picking up speed as she crosses the stage, her lean silhouette wrapped in a tiny pink leotard perfectly matched with the soft transparent skirt that shifts with her every move.

Your eyes land on his small frame at the center of the stage and a thousand emotions blossom in your chest, filling you whole of his presence until all that matters is him. There is joy in your heart, and unconditional love and there’s the desire to hold him in your arms and forget the boundaries of your own two bodies. There is hope for your future, and anguish for it as well. But most importantly, there is the longing for him to claim you as his and for you to be able to make him your own.

It’s a tacit accord you two have, or to be more exact a never addressed routine you have fallen into: he’d be playing his violin in the empty theatre, seeking for the inspiration to make his music live, and you’d dance to his melodies to warm up your muscles before the final rehearsal of the show and, today, is no exception.

The first time it happened, long before you’d fell into each others’ embrace, you were both surprised, caught off guard by the sudden intimacy it somehow created – you dancing freely to what his heart had to say – but then it became a habit, something you’d both looked forward to as it started to represent the only way you’d be able to communicate without any filter.

Min Yoongi’s reputation preceded him everywhere he went: the cold and heartless young composer whose walls are so high and impermeable many wonder if he really has a soul, hidden in there. He’s ruthless, stoic in his beliefs, often rude but very very talented. He can’t afford the distraction, he can’t afford to show a crack in his façade that will reveal to the world how very human he is. He’s simply too young to be the head of a company and the respect that should come with the power he was given, is only really obtainable if he hides everything good he has to offer.

It took you months to understand, to see through the cracks and unravel the secrets behind his cold and calculating persona – a mask he has made for himself and that he puts on every morning. And that, is what everyone sees. Everyone except you, the one and only able to bring him to his knees and bring his guard down enough for you to shatter him into million pieces if you’d only want to.

The music stops flowing, his arms now  hanging limp against his sides whilst his gaze intensifies, fixed on with such emotion your insides stir at the thought of what may be running in his mind. Even though he claims otherwise, up to this day, you’ve never truly been able to read behind his expressionless face.

He lets the violin down, gently, careful of it as if it were a small child – and a part of you suspects that’s exactly how he sees it –  and approaches you, slowly, not a single word escaping his beautiful mouth as he does so.

His hands find their way along your face, the tenderness in his touch making every fiber of your being tremble. You hate how easily he can get to you, you hate how poor of control you have over your own body when it’s being held with such care by the one and only Min Yoongi.

A sigh escapes your mouth as he brushes his nose against yours, his eyes closing shut as his lips touch yours in a chaste kiss. Your perfume invades his nostrils, the softness of your skin warming up his entire body, the minty taste of your mouth making him slightly dizzy as each sense gets overpowered by your presence.

His mouth opens, his tongue licking your bottom lip into a simple request and you happily comply, welcoming the passionate kiss that comes right after.

Even when he kisses you like this, deep and passionate, his arms remain gentle almost as if he was handling the finest china there ever was, afraid that his simple touches could turn you into ashes.

The way he sighs in the kiss, full of contentment, resembles your own sense of satisfaction, your body no longer aching for his presence as it was before. You’re not sure if it’s natural to miss somebody’s touch to this extent by you do, oh you do. There is not a single waking moment you don’t think about Min Yoongi and the way he looks at you, touches you, or even talks to you. Your undeniable and uncontrollable love for him scares you for this is the first time you ever loved with such an intensity and you, who always claimed you’d always put yourself first even in a relationship, don’t even know where the borders between your bodies abide.

“Yoongi,” you whisper, against his lips, as rationality rushes back in, “The others will be here soon”, you add, much to your woe, your eyes opening to look at his soft expression slowly hardening as he gathers back his composure.

He lets go of you so quickly it looks like your skin scorched him – your insides knotting together as always when his body is far enough from yours you can’t feel its heat against your skin  – and he hums in agreement, the frustration visible in the corner of his lips as he steps backwards.

His eyes are still firmly in your own before he resolves on turning his back on you, disappearing in the darkness of the backstage to regain his demeanor.

That’s where he belongs: away from prying eyes, his face only to be revealed if the public asks so at the end of the show, his presence no longer considered necessary once he has composed and written the story the public so longer awaits to witness and admire. His life is lived in the dark, under the lie he has no emotions whatsoever, and yet he would not change a single detail of it because, at the end of the day, he has all he could wish for: his muse and the music she’s able to concoct inside of him and you will always be happy for as long as he’d let you be a part of his life, even if that requires for you to live in secret.

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