#so giffing should be possible with a delay

[pharawee]

Do you think it's possible that we can dream of something that might happen and then it happens in real life?

—I SAW YOU IN MY DREAM · เธอ ฉัน ฝัน เรา · 24 July 2024

[naritaren]

As we inch closer to WK/WD, a few things people should know if they want to watch.

1. Both events are on njpwworld as part of the subscription. Subs renew on the first so you can sub right before WK and then cancel afterwards. It'll be like $10 USD. For both events. That you can watch on delay if you need to.

2. Pirating the stream is possible but godspeed. The company that handles the broadcasting for NJPW is notorious about killing streams and doing so fast. The lord works fast but TV Ashai works faster.

3. Speaking of them. Don't post clips, gifs, edits, or even screenshots on Twitter or Instagram. Just ask how TDE lost their original Twitter account. Tumblr and Blue sky are safe.

4. An 11pm EST start time for each night is a treat and people should not complain. This translates to a 1pm local start time. That being said, there is no shame watching on delay. JP start times are what they are.

5. There is English commentary for both shows. Walker and Chris are the main two. There might be a couple of guests like Gino or Rocky. Or both! There will be dick jokes on commentary. That's how it goes. Point of reference: Walker is like 21-22 years old. It's wild when you hear him and know that fact.

6. If you're going to make gifs, you need to turn hardware acceleration off in your browser.

7. Do not repost JP fan photography without permission and credit. These fans do a great deal for the fandom and you are entering their fandom space. Be respectful. Same goes for fanart.

8. If you have a complaint about a wrestler, do not put it in their main tags. Keep that shit to yourself on your own blog.

9. There is going to be a ranbo (think battle Royale but with pins and submissions as well). No one knows who is in it until it happens.

10. Have fun! WK is fun and should be interesting. Hopefully everyone has new gear 😌

[userghouls]

ANIMATED TEXT TUTORIAL: ★★✩✩✩ Difficulty: Beginner/Intermediate

This is a step by step tutorial on how I did the text for my Pink Venom swinging text.

We are going to be making this text:

Before I start, you WILL need Adobe After Effects, but I will show you step by step how to achieve this.

Tutorial below the cut!

✔ Step One: Composition Open After Effects and create a new project, then a new composition making sure the composition matches your gif settings. (ex: 540 x 540, 2 seconds, 30 fps)

✔ Step Two: Creating Our Text Add a new text layer. It should be the same as Photoshop, you can just select the text tool and write what you want. Customize the text to say what you want and change the font and size to your liking.

We should have something like this:

✔ Step Three: Adding Our Animation There should be a box that says "Effects & Presets", in that box you can search for effects. Search for "Explosion". It will be under Text > Miscellaneous.

Select the first one and you can either drag it on top of your text layer or just double click it with your text layer selected. Sliding the time, we should have something that looks like this:

✔ Step Four: Adjusting the Animation With your text layer still selected, press "U" on your keyboard. This will open our key frames for the animation.

It's a lot to look at but don't worry, we will only be focused on Amount and Opacity, and I will make this as easy as possible for you. On the Opacity setting, click on the little time clock. This will remove the keyframes. Make sure your opacity is set to 100%.

Next we are going to adjust the amount so that it explodes INWARD instead of OUTWARD. Find a good spot where the letters are out and add a new keyframe the same way you would on Photoshop.

Now swap the two keyframes so the explosion animation is reversed. Next we are going to remove the scale keyframes. Click on the second stop watch for the second amount parameter, and make sure that one is set to zero.

We should be left with only ONE thing that is keyframed. And the keyframes should look like an hourglass.

You can stop now and leave it or we can make it a little smoother and more fun looking.

✔ Step Five: Editing the Graph & Adding Motion Blur To add a motion blur to our text, we just need to select the three little circle stack on our text layer. Also double check that the same symbol is highlighted blue up top.

Now we have motion blur. Next we are going to adjust the graph. To open the graph select the little graph icon and then select our keyframed buy clicking on the amount parameter.

Now our graph should look like this:

Select one of the dots and two little arms should pop up and we can drag those around to adjust the graph (the speed of our animation). Adjust to your liking, but to make it look like the text in the tutorial, my graph looks like this:

With my graph, the animation looks like this:

Now all the hard work is done!

✔ Step Six: Exporting Now to export our video so it can be turned into a gif: Go to File > Export > Add to Render Queue

We should be at a menu like this:

Click on the part that is blue next to "Output Module" and another box should pop up. For format: change to "Quicktime" For Video Output > Channels: select "RBG + Alpha" (this will ensure our background is transparent)

Select "OK" and then under "Output to" select where you want the video to save.

Now all you have to do is Render.

Once that finishes, YOU'RE ALL DONE!

Import video to frames as you usually would in Photoshop, just don't change the frame delay.

Treat it like a normal text layer/smart object.

As usual, you can play around with all the animation settings to get the look you want, this is just the basics for the main animation.

It looks like a lot but the difficulty is minor once you get the hang of the steps.

Any questions you have during the process just DM me! ★

[forevfangirlwrites]

hey! for your how to handle fame series, what if annabeth won an award for one of her performances and she mentions percy in her speech and it’s very fluffy and his reaction goes viral? I’m obsessed with your series btw! (I’ve reread them all so many times and seeing a new update makes me so happy!)

“And, of course, the biggest thank you to my biggest supporter Percy for being my haven through all the moments, big and small.”

The adrenaline running through his body from the initial winning announcement prevents him from registering the words until a few seconds later. It’s a shock and he’s reisters a cameraman getting closer to him but his heart is soaring in his chest and that’s all that matters.

His vision is also getting a little fuzzy and he realizes it’s because there is water in his eyes that in quick succession also make their way onto his cheeks.

Everything feels like a blur so he sits down and attempts to ground himself. It’s harder without her by his side though.

As he waits, his brain starts to actually process what she had said and it occurs to him that maybe she’s giving him too much credit. 

He’s a haven?

But it’s the other way around. She’s his haven, his rock, it explains why he’s struggling so much right now without her by his side. 

There are people congratulating him and he smiles and nods all the while waiting for his Annabeth to return. 

It’s probably not that long, but it feels like forever until she slides into view next to him, taking her seat again. A smile automatically comes to his face as he, openly, stares.

She smiles back and their fingers interlock under the table so everything is right in the world. People at the table turn to talk to her during the break and she responds in stride.

He squeezes her hand and runs his thumb over her knuckles absently as he watches her do her thing. She truly sparkles in the lights which is how he knows she was made for this. 

It’s not till the car ride home does he reveal this thought to her though.

She’s leaning against his shoulder, clearly tired from the activities, but she leans back to look at him when he says the words.

“Thank you. But you’re the reason I can continue. You remind me of my dreams when I start to forget them.”

She says it simply like it’s the most obvious thing in the world but it’s far from that to him.

“But how?” His confusion must show because she smiles at him.

“By being you. By holding my hand throughout the night, by cuddling when I have a rough day, by making me smile and laugh. Just…by being who you are.”

And with that final statement she settles back into his chest and wraps an arm around his waist.

He sits there trying to process what she’s said, and he’s not sure he has even when they’re home in bed and she’s fast asleep and pressed up against him.

His mind is racing too much to go to sleep so he does the worst possible thing and pulls out his phone to scroll social media. (Which is never a good idea at 1AM but definitely not a good one when you’re dating a celebrity.)

Gifs of his surprised face greet him when he opens twitter and apparently the people are calling it wholesome. (It’s not the most flattering image but whatever.)

He watches himself process her thanks and his jaw definitely did slacken a little and the eyes filled with tears is obvious.

Maybe it is #wholesome and maybe his love for her is showing in ways he’s never really thought about.

And maybe he should give himself a little more credit.

He looks down to see Annabeth sleeping beside him and thinks that she’s the wholesome one.

(But, he supposes as he puts his phone away and settles down beside her, maybe he isn’t too far off either.)

MORE HOW TO HANDLE FAME HEADCONONS LINKED HERE

A/N: Thank you for the cute prompt! I hope you liked how it turned out! Apologies for the delay in my answer too by the way!

[bizarrelittlemew]

IDA do you have any advice or pointers for gif-making? yours are always so high quality with such great colors! i just started trying to make gifs and i feel like I'm constantly struggling with the export settings trying to make it look decent without being a gigantic file 😭

hiii and thank you so much 💗💗💗

I'm not really sure what to say since I've mostly learned by trial and error, so I guess the biggest piece of advice would be practice!!

I'm sure there are loads of gif tutorials out there and I may make my own one day but here are some tips I can give related to quality (I use Photoshop so these are probably specific to that):

The higher quality video you have to begin with, the easier it will be to make the gifs look great. I go for 1080p or higher (if possible)

When you import video frames to layers, be aware of duplicate frames as they will make the gif look choppy, it's a framerate issue - I use a very simple video editing software to cut out the scenes I want to gif, but if you have a more advanced one, you should be able to adjust the framerate so PS won't create duplicate frames. idk I'm not an expert on this exact thing I just delete the duplicates manually

For tumblr posts, the full width is 540px, half is 268px, go for these to avoid tumblr compressing the gifs

I usually set the frame time delay between 0.06-0.09 seconds since always prefer them a bit slower, which allows for seeing more detail. I check the speed by going into File -> Export -> Save for Web (Legacy) and clicking the Preview, because just playing the gif in PS will usually have lag

After wrangling frames, cropping and resizing etc., I convert to video timeline and convert all the frames to one Smart Object before sharpening and coloring. I use Smart Sharpen and Gaussian Blur filters with different settings, making copies of the smart layer and playing around with the opacity settings (I have this process recorded/automated as an action, but often have to adjust afterwards based on the clip). There are many different ways to do this and probably some tutorials too.

As for coloring, I don't use any automated processes, but just play around with adjustment and color fill layers. A gif with my usual sharpening and relatively simple coloring may have layers looking like this:

I think this is where the practice mostly comes in, because you'll discover new things with every gif you make. it's also the most fun part for me :) again, there are a lot of tutorials out there, and some scenes require more adjustments than others (especially dark scenes). really, Selective Color and Curves may be the most important adjustment layers (to me at least lmao)

As for file size, these are my usual export settings:

reducing the number of colors will always reduce the file size, but I'd usually rather trim the length (or split it into two gifs) or the image size (cropping a bit more off the height). Going for 40-80 frames is usually reasonable, and you can do more for very static gifs or smaller image sizes!

I hope some of this is useful, good luck and happy giffing 💗💗💗

[queenhawke]

hey, i'm sorry if this is a weird question, but i'm wondering how you personally make gifsets? i wanted to make some basic ones for a post and i love the ones you make. thank you!!

yeah sure! here's my method:

First things first, I use Photoshop CC (a tooooootally legal version of course. so legal. so not pirated), and idk how to make gifs in other programs so uhhhh find a copy of Photoshop, if you don't have it already. Also I'm assuming you already have the video you want to gif somewhere (also gotten through entirely legal means, of course).

Also it's entirely possible there are better ways to gif, this is just how I do it! Lots of people use actions to streamline their process for instance, but I don't. So. There's that.

Anyway:

Clip the part of the video you want to gif

I personally use Microsoft's in-built program Clipchamp, because it's there and it can handle mkv files and output as mp4, but you can obviously use whatever program you like.

2. Import the video in Photoshop

Use File > Import > Video frames to layers

Select your clip. You now get this screen:

Select the part of the clip you want to turn into a gif. Keep in mind Tumblr's 10mb limit, so don't make the selection too long. If you do want a longer clip, and don't mind the gif looking a little less smooth, you can tick "Limit to every 2 frames" to cut down on the number of frames.

Click OK, and PS will convert the clip into layers. Make sure to have the timeline on (Window > Timeline)

Your workplace should now look like this:

3. Adjust the frame delay

Adjust the time between the frames by selecting all the frames in the timeline and clicking the little arrow in the bottom right of one of the frames.

I tend to set my frame delay to 0,05 seconds, but do whatever you like most!

4. Convert to video timeline

Convert the frame animation to a video timeline by clicking on the hamburger menu in the top right of the timeline and clicking "Convert to video timeline"

5. Convert the layers to a smart object

Select all the layers, right-click and select "Convert to smart object"

Cool, all your layers have now been converted into one video layer. Easier to work with.

6. Cropping

Crop the video to whatever size you want it to be (keeping in mind that 540px is the widest the tumblr dashboard goes). I'll crop this one to 540x350px.

7. Apply adjustment layers

Now apply adjustment layers to colour the gif to your liking (Layer > New Adjustment Layer). You can do this any way you like, but the adjustment layers I tend to use most are Levels, Curves and Vibrance

Here's a before and after.

But again, you can just go ham on this in whatever way you like. Just fuck around with the layers until it looks good to you!

8. Sharpening

Now it's time to sharpen the gif, to make it look extra crisp. Select the video layer and go to Filter > Smart sharpen and just fiddle with the settings until you're happy with it.

9. Text

I'm just gonna assume you know how to add text lmao. But to make that text stand out, go to the layer style by double clicking the layer and selecting Stroke and Drop shadow.

10. Saving

To save your gif, go to File > Export > Save for web (legacy)

Select gif and set the looping options to Forever.

Now, make sure to check whether your gif falls under tumblr's image limit of 10mb. This one is 9mb, so I probably should've cut it down a bit, but I like big gifs, sue me. If you don't want to cut the length of your gif (which you can very easily do with the timeline), you can also cut down on the amount of colours. I wouldn't go below 128 though, that just makes it look ugly lmao. But hey, the option is there.

Anyway, save the gif and you're done! You have made a gif!!

Hope this helps!!

[namelessmewmew]

Old Art Archive Part 6.

Original captions under the cut.

1 -2. Title: New Icon :]. New Nea icon cause its been a while since I have drawn him :]. I do like having myself as my icon but Nea is my mascot and I like how chibi this came out.

3. Title: I need a idea 44 [original filename]. Artblock? Just tired? Melting from the current heatwave here? [Yeah but still]. Point is haven't really been drawing much lately. So here is a sketch I had lying around of an attempt to slightly redesign Meta [I wanted to give her bigger paws and more face fluff like an actual lynx].

4. Title: Met-a Cute. Hi my brain has been pestering me to draw a cute Meta for a while so here's this, its a bit rough but overall like how it came out. In doing this I tried to do a pose I haven't done before without a ref so the pose probably looks at least a bit off lol. As well as that I had fun with the symmetrical tool [for the big butterfly] and even made a very quick brush! [those little butterflies in the back].

5. Title:   What the 'dog' doing? The slightest design update, he now has hands rather then paws [oh and his scythe is now cooler now :]] Need to figure out how to get his eyes to look properly creepy though. Also I tried to do something interesting with the perspective and shading.... -w-

6. Title: Horse. This is a week or so old but didn't know what to do with it so just slapped some yellow and purple light and a bunch of sparkles :], the hair shading looks kinda nice!

7 -8. Title: Metamorphosis * Glitter. Just wanted to make another of these pixel glitter gif with little pixel borders things with Meta... Like how it came out [especially the shading and the border] :]

9. Title:  Just a Lynx. Just wanted to draw a little Meta, cause its been a a bit. Shading is a bit scuffed but eh, whatever.

10. Title: Catboy Jumpscare! I finished this a few days ago but keep delaying posting it to get the energy to not just leave this with a blank desc. Like 100% of my writing anything energy for the past few days has been going into the yuri game jam submission I posted about a few days ago [which is currently at a whole 300 words! /sarcastic [I am not good at dialogue at all].

11. Title: My at least once a year pinkie. Been to long since I have drawn my favourite pink pony :] Even tried to make it look like a birthday card [ish], I also made a little confetti brush :]

12. Title:   Metamorphosis now in 3D! A little Paint 3d thing? Feels a bit weird to call it a model as most of the parts are just 3d shapes in front of eachother. Also I didn't mean for the image to be so small but that's how big I made the model I guess??? Oh and the little glitchy looking stuff in the back is a brush I made :].

13. Title:   Metamorphosis now in Motion! I have been trying to get into animating and I been starting with this very uh... square style? cause its alot easier than my usual style. That right ear is very scuffed though lol, but the rest didn't come out that bad! [for someone that can't animate well]. I think maybe I should try more tweening rather than frame by frame like this one.

14. Title:  Them. Just a little thing of my immortal giant sentient plushies... particularly when they were younger, they look alot more like plushies when they get older [they get a bunch of stitches and scratches]. Hope that its possible to tell that there eyes and mouths are shiny plastic [which is why they can't change expressions, faces are just plastic.]

15- 19. Title: Sparkly Unicorn. Uuh wanted to make a very very simple little pixel thing but ended up just adding more and more stuff.... had alot of fun! I made the pixel star brush and the lil heart border : D Oh and Petal still does have the verrrrrry long hair but couldn't figure out how to fit it all in so gave her some short ponytails : ] Looks cute

20. Some arm practice stuff, yeah not very great at arms [or legs] yet but at least I'm practicing. Sorry just verytired so idk what to say…

21. Title:   An anthro raccon idk. Hi! been a bit busy but hopefully will be able to post more! Worked on these over a few days... originally was going to be more simple but just added more and more little accessories..... Shading the little chains and studs took soooo long [though thankfully didn't decide to draw the chains individually, just made a chain brush for that :]] Also the slight texture over everything was an attempt at a 'tv static' brush, not sure how well it will work for that but its nice for texture [love when digital art has texture to it!]

[jeonstellate]

ocean waves & faded dreams — shore ii

agent collins tries her hardest not to obey her programming.

⚝༄ platonic!bucky barnes x original character (ft. platonic!tony stark x original character)

⚝༄ depictions of experiencing extreme pain

⚝༄ paragraph format — 1K words

masterlist | ow&fd masterlist

[gif’s full credit belongs solely to its owner]

Agent Collins didn’t want to be around the Avengers any more than she needed to. She simply got better things to do than wait around with them.

Originally, her plan was to just meet the Avengers by the S.H.I.E.L.D. headquarters once it was time for them to report. Unfortunately, the Avengers didn’t want to risk her running off, so they took her with them instead.

She understood where they were coming from. They did just meet and their first impression of her couldn’t’ve been any more ‘dangerous.’ She did just murder three men without breaking a sweat, after all.

She was the one who requested to be detained while they flew back to Manhattan. When Black Widow asked why, she merely offered a "It’s better that way." No one wanted to force her to explain, so it was just left like that.

It was Iron Man who helped her get settled inside one of the Quinjet’s holding cells. If he noticed that she seemed to know her way around the jet suspiciously well, he didn’t say anything. Rather, he opted to ask what they can refer to her as. She simply answered "Kid" and provided no other alternatives.

Truth be told, Agent Collins was distancing herself because she didn’t know how she’d react to being triggered. S.H.I.E.L.D. spent four years trying to remove her trigger, but all they accomplished so far was delaying her reaction and allowing her to resist for as long as possible.

Frankly, that was already a huge feat since they didn’t even know all her trigger words. Unfortunately though, that meant she was currently suppressing the urge to obey the command to kill everyone else inside the Quinjet.

To her credit, she was resisting better than she thought she would. However, she knew her resistance wasn’t meant to last — especially since it took a lot of her willpower.

Agent Collins was fully set on facing S.H.I.E.L.D. tomorrow at the earliest. Unfortunately, the threat of her other persona was making her think otherwise.

"What’s happening to you?" Iron Man asked when he came to collect her once the Quinjet landed.

In the span of the time it took for the jet to reach their destination, she had crumbled into a vulnerable and shivering version of her dangerous and confident self. Still, she opted to soldier on.

"Can you— Can anyone patch me through S.H.I.E.L.D.?" She tried to keep the shivering under control as she stood up. She inwardly grimaced when her legs almost gave out. "Everything will be explained later, I—"

"We can," Iron Man nonverbally offered her support, but she shook her head, "but maybe you should rest first—"

"I can’t afford that." Agent Collins took a sharp breathe, "This is an emergency."

Agent Collins was at least satisfied that her future Q&A session with the Avengers would be a one-time thing. She wouldn’t need to hold separate meetings: one about her life with HYDRA and another about her life with S.H.I.E.L.D..

Obviously, the Q&A would probably be really lengthy, but it should be fine. At least she wouldn’t need to meet them ever again after.

She was given Iron Man’s phone to borrow once they reached the floor where the other Avengers gathered. They all offered to give her some privacy while she made her call, but she insisted that they couldn’t leave her alone. At least not if they didn’t want any blood to spill.

"Stark," the person at the other end of the line began, unknowingly reminding her of her trigger.

"Alcantara, this Collins calling from Stark’s phone," Agent Collins introduced herself with a strained voice. "Is anyone from Eve’s Poison Apple in the HQ right now?"

"Agent Collins? Are you okay?" Agent Alcantara’s voice immediately overflowed with concern. "Why are you with Stark? You’re not supposed to be—"

Agent Collins almost regretted her choice to put her call on speakers. Unluckily for her, she needed to continue with the speakers on just in case she needed any Avenger to step in and finish the call. "Agent Alcantara, I need to talk to anyone from Eve’s Poison Apple. I don’t have much time."

"Oh, right. I apologize." Agent Alcantara calmed down, much to her relief. She did appreciate her concern, as she spent a lot of time with her both in and out of the headquarters. It was nice to know she actually cared about her but, as she had said, she simply had no time to dwell on it. "I’m transferring you to Hill."

Not a moment later after she expressed her thanks, a new voice resonated from the speakers. "Agent Collins?"

"Agent Hill," there was a breath of relief in her voice. However, she couldn’t let herself relax for long. "I have no time to explain how, but Riptide’s been triggered. I need— I need an antidote."

"What?" Agent Hill sounded in disbelief. She couldn’t blame her for finding her words hard to believe. After all, S.H.I.E.L.D. was yet to hear about a notebook that contained all her trigger words. "Was Riptide given a new mission?"

"Yes." The strain in her voice was becoming more and more evident with each word she spoke. "To kill the three Avengers in the HYDRA base today."

Although her attention was mostly taken up by not letting Phantom Riptide take over and by following her conversation with her superior, Agent Collins still felt the cold that swept over the room.

There was no need for her to look up. She already knew they were looking at her with fear in their eyes.

Thankfully, she didn’t have time to dwell on that, either.

Agent Hill was quiet for a second, before she spoke up once more. "How long ago was the trigger?"

"Roughly two hours ago, I think."

"And how long do you think you can keep resisting?"

"Not long," Agent Collins grimaced at how bitter her words tasted. "Probably thirty minutes at most."

Her superior took another moment to reply, most likely mulling over all the possible courses of action. "We’ll need someone to sedate you while we work on a stronger dose of your medicine."

next shore >

[flock-of-cassowaries]

As a person diagnosed with a disease that causes brain inflammation, whose diagnosis was significantly delayed by a neurologist failing to pass along important MRI results - yes, this was infuriating.

I nevertheless ship Hannigram, for reasons I struggle to succinctly explain.

(I would say “brainworms”, but I now get a monitoring MRI every year, and my last scan was clear. Presumably, someone would’ve mentioned it if there were literal worms in there.)

More on both the medical angle, and the “why TF do I ship this??” angle, below the cut.

What it felt like to find out important test results were not shared with me:

It was a horrible gut punch. In my case, there was no malice - only negligence - but the result was that I had been walking around for ten years gaslighting myself that the worsening symptoms I was experiencing couldn’t possibly be what I originally thought they were.

I was mad, but also just devastated. It really shook my core sense of safety in the world.

It took me about a year to even start to kind of feel normal again, despite the fact that I was getting really good medical care in the wake of the error being detected.

Details of what’s portrayed in this episode that are just dumb (aka ✨pedantry✨):

My experience of actual medical testing and care around inflammatory autoimmune brain conditions makes me even more irritated by this plot line.

First off, the MRI scene. Like, perhaps it’s different in the states, but in Canada, MRI departments operate 24/7. I’ve had scans scheduled at 3am.

They will definitely set up an emergency scan for you if you have an emergent condition (I only waited four days for the scan that ultimately got me diagnosed), but there’s no way that they could just do an “off the books” unofficial scan with no one around, as is portrayed in the show.

Also, neurologists don’t perform the MRI. Radiologists do it, and then they send it to the neurologist to interpret.

Most importantly, you CANNOT move your head during a scan. There’s actually a little cushion in there that fits tightly around your head to stabilize it so you don’t accidentally move it, but they also will tell you to stay very still. One radiologist warned me to “breathe gently”.

In the show, you can see the plastic frame where the stabilizing cushion should be, but in the name of a cool shot, they’ve removed it, and Will Graham is just bobbing his fucking head like he’s in Night At The Roxbury.

I was so irritated I made a gif.

That scan would be unusable.

Also, the fact that Hannibal is able to correctly guess the exact condition Will has makes no sense. So many things could mimic those same symptoms.

To conclusive determine that what I had was MS, the following tests were done (within the context of the taxpayer-funded Canadian medical system):

1. Standard blood panel and urinalysis to rule out common infections

2. MRI

3. MRI with contrast fluid

4. Spinal tap

5. Seventeen additional blood tests

And they did all that despite the fact that I had a first degree-relative already diagnosed with the same disease.

Some people have suggested Hannibal made the diagnosis based on smell, but that is anatomically nonsensical. The brain is wrapped in a pretty thick membrane; aseptic brain inflammation would be not off-gassing from the skin or mouth like a stomach cancer, or arsenic poisoning.

Finally, the ease with which Hannibal is able to talk Dr. Dipshit into committing gross and easily-detectable medical malpractice makes no goddamn sense. It is perhaps the baldest example of the cynicism of the show’s writing - as I argued in another post, it portrays a world in which almost everyone is despicable.

If we rule out the possibility of literal brainworms, how the f*^% did I end up shipping these two?

As for how I ended up shipping Hannigram anyway - I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that as a former right-wing true believer, I am an expert at creatively misreading media.

When almost all of popular art has the theme “your beliefs are bad, and you should feel bad”, you learn to preemptively kill the author (death the author?) so that you can extract enjoyment from a work of art without reexamining your odious beliefs.

( See: Republican politicians using lefty protest songs at rallies. )

I’m no longer a conservative - I excised those brainworms about a decade ago, thank god - but the willingness to just arbitrarily toss out parts of a story that don’t suit remains strong in me.

Season 2 of Hannibal is quite good, and Season 3 (while objectively bonkers and very poorly paced) has some great character moments. Hannibal as a character becomes a lot more complex as he unravels.

This unraveling makes him a fascinating figure onto which to project some of my worst psychological tendencies - specifically, my tendency towards splitting (where I see the people close to me as either all good, or all bad, and for that perception can change in an instant). So that’s really interesting to explore.

It’s also probably a deliberate misreading of the text on my part, but there are quite a few parts in s2 and s3 where Hannibal can be read as straight-up delusional; and while I am sensitive to the fact that people with delusional disorders are far, far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, I am also endlessly fascinated by the trope of “character looks back on his life, and sees a series of horrible sins he’s committed, whose damage to others cannot be undone; and struggles with how to cope with that.”

So in that context, giving Hannibal a deus-ex-machina of high-dose risperidone creates some fascinating narrative possibilities.

(This is probably something I enjoy writing because I spent 15 years being an obnoxious apologist for horrible right-wing politicians.)

I also just like the idea of Will taking it upon himself to kill this guy once and for all, and then not being able to bring himself to do it, and instead just keeping him captive and constantly wrestling with the question of whether he’s just being pragmatic about keeping everyone in the vicinity safe from his pet serial killer, or if he’s actually doing what he’s doing to passive-aggressively punish Hannibal.

There’s just so much there, thematically, that I love to play with.

hannibal lecter SLANDER rant [spoilers for 1x10]

WHATTTT WHAT WHAT. Hannibal Lecter…Oooh… this just confused me so bad guys and when I finish the whole series and this whole rant turns out to be wrong I’ll admit it but how can you still sit there and ship hannigram!!!!! after this!!!!! it made me so mad that a LICENSED RADIOLOGIST sat there and lied to Will’s face ABOUT HIS OWN RESULTS because Hannibal asked him or whatever the fuck, I don’t know how close him and the doctor are yet or what their relationship is BUT???? LIKE???? He’s actively subjecting him to hallucinatory torture and the pain that comes with it, HALF. OF. HIS. BRAIN. IS. INFLAMED. HE CAN LITTERALY DIE FROM IT + brain damage, seizures, and worsen his already worse mental health. I HATE THIS GUY!!!! My hate train will start from here and continue on until he can prove me wrong

[rediron4568]

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[a-simple-imagine]

Hey!! I'm happy with you taking your own creative initiative on this :D thank you for what you think about, i hope it wasnt too long or too detailed. Yeah, there are things on here you dont have to include but there are a few things I'd def love to see tho

[  ] The nightmares of her being executed, and then later being forced to watch yn get executed (including the blood landing on her if possible)

[  ] Her and Katherine having the scars on their necks (which you said you agree with the fanon idea)

[  ] Their dynamic if possible, with Anne being extrovert and yn being an introvert.

[  ] Anne seeing the little section dedicated to her at yns place (if that's where they go) including items she gave to yn, probs not noticing it when she first gets there but once she's feeling more like herself

[  ] Her feeling phantom pains on her neck after the nightmare.

[  ] If possible her having the mirror scare with the blood down her neck

[  ] Anne needing to check yns neck to see whether her nightmare was real

[  ] um I just had this thought.... Anne seeing the tower of london at some point and her reacting, (if yn is there that would be great) apparently it's a 46 min walk from there to the vaudeville theatre where six plays :D

Yes of course, it should be in Anne's perspective, and I'll be happy with that :D

And I don't care if this takes a year lol I've always wanted to request from you so the wait will be worth it. Is there any way I could thank you, if you had a kofi account or something?

Let me know what you think when you can

hey pal!! sorry for the delayed response. i’ve been a little busy with work and eurovision.

honestly, the more detailed the request the better. it actually gives me a place to start and progress so i’m grateful the ideas. i’ll try to get most of it in, no need to worry. i just don’t want you to be disappointed if something is missing.

i’m pretty sure it won’t take a year, a couple months at most maybe but i’ll try to get it done as quickly as possible. i have work though and my tech training sessions at least once a week (soon to be more alongside a show we’re working on for july) i’ll try my best is my promise and it’s really sweet that you’ve always wanted to request from me. i’m happy you enjoy my messy fanfiction.

i have a kofi link at the top of each of my fandom masterlists but you really don’t have to pay for it. i don’t expect anything in return, i’m happy to write it regardless.

last question is do you want me to include descriptions of the queens?? i avoided them in my two other stories. i only ask because people see them entirely different depending on what cast they’ve seen so we probably have different pictures of what they look like. the gifs of millie are fun (she is literally so hot in person) but this is who i picture when it comes to miss boleyn…

[digiworm]

hiya this was sorta requested by @bird-of-blinkies​ so I thought I’d share how I make my blinkies!!

btw I'm autistic so I'm going to make these very comprehensive for folks like me who get lost easily. Under the cut lovelies!

Step 1. Make Your Blinkies!

this seems obvious but you have to start off somewhere! I do mine in IbisPaint, but you can use whatever software you are used to!

ones where your graphic is going to be the background, you need to leave it transparent. if you intend for it to be a floatie, you just need to leave a space for where you intend to put your graphic!

Make all your frames!!

Step 2. Turn Your Base Into a GIF!

I use ezgif (god bless)

First you go to the GIF maker and input all your files.

I recommend numbering these since they are put in alphabetical order, but you can reorder them later.

once you get in you'll be greeted with a page like this:

Here you can change how fast your gif is under delay time. I usually put mine down to 11

after that you just press this!

AND BOOM YOU HAVE YOUR BASE! wasn't too hard, was it?

Step 3. Adding Your Graphic

now this is the tricky part, and where I really struggled for awhile, so I'll try to be as thorough and clear as possible!

First, grab whatever graphic you intend to use.

For this examples, I will be using this:

Next, go to Photopea.

note: i am unsure how to resize shit in photopea and do not intend to learn how to. I simply do this in ezgif with the resize option.

Now open your base file.

It should appear on a screen like this!:

After that, also go ahead and open your graphic the same way!

Once you do that, right click the folder containing the images for your graphic. You will see a "duplicate into..." option near the top.

press on that. It will open up a little menu for you to choose where to duplicate it into. You want to duplicate it into your base.

Select your base and press OK

Once you go back to your base file, you will see that it has duplicated into it.

for ones where it is intended to be the background, you have to move the folder containing the background down below the base.

Next, move your graphic into place!

We're almost done!!

Once you're satisfied with the placement, you need to go up to "layer", go all the way down to "animation", and then select "merge"

this will combine them into one folder

And last, but not least go to "file", go down to "export as", and then select "GIF"

AND BOOM! YOU DID IT! PRESS SAVE AND YOU HAVE YOUR SWAG ASS GIFS TO POST ON TUMBLR DOT COM BABYYYY

Now you too can be a cool kid with no life

I hope this was helpful!!!!!!!!!!!! I have so much fun making blinkies and I love sharing that passion

[the-little-ewok]

I wish you would write a fic where One of my three favorites from the Star Wars series (Anakin, Luke, Or Poe) Surprises the wife!reader by coming home early without telling them and make it smutty? I just keep thinking of those military reunions on YT

Gif by the beautiful Salome-C More than just "I love you"

Poe Dameron X Wife Reader Rating : 18+ / E (By interacting with this post you confirm you are over 18) Wordcount : 2300 (ish) Warnings : Bit of angst, bit of fluff, bit of smut, brief fingering, unprotected sex Summary: Poe comes home early from a mission and needs you to help him forget, if only for a moment.

A/N : I wrote this from Poe's perspective and I'm sorry it's a little bit sad but its still fluffy! (Also I loved this idea and the lil, make it smutty ;) ) Beta by the lovely mypedrom

—

Poe pauses in the doorway to watch you for a moment, fast asleep on his side of the bed, your arms wrapped around his pillow, the crisp white sheets slipping off your shoulder, allowing your skin to be exposed to the soft moonlight filtering through the window.

His heart flutters at the sight and a warmth blooms in his chest that you're his, that you actually agreed to marry him, that you love him just as much as he loves you. He still can't believe his luck, and if he's honest with himself, he doesn't think he ever will.

Both of you barely had any time to adjust to married life before he'd been called away on another mission. He remembered all too clearly the way you'd smiled and assured him it would be ok, that you had a few days together and that was more than most got. You had assured him there would be time afterwards, to enjoy each other, to settle into married life, to build a home together, to make happy memories. You assured him that you would be alright.

But when he left, the memory he left with was one of you biting back tears, nails digging into your palms, voice trembling with emotion as you shouted to him that he better come home, or you would fly out and kill him yourself. He'd never tell you how much it hurt to see you that way. He'd never tell you the way it carved open his chest and ripped out his heart. To see you sleeping peacefully was a soothing balm to the worry that had pained him far worse than anything the First Order had done.

He sends a silent thank you to the Maker that he made it home to you. Out in the vast emptiness of space, when things had seemed at their worst, when hope was almost lost, and he could have allowed himself to be lost too, he thought of you, and how he would not let that memory be the last he had of you. It had given him the will to fight, to pull back from a stunt that probably would have gotten him killed, it had given him a purpose to come home. He was determined to see you happy again, to see you smile again, and that, is what brought him through. A possibility of more happy memories with you.

And he had made it back, surprisingly in one piece, and a whole week earlier than promised, but somehow still late.

He hadn't warned you that he was coming, unwilling to let you get too excited in case he got delayed, or worse. If you had known, he knew you would have sat up all night, waiting patiently for his ship to appear in the sky. He's glad now, given the hour, that he hadn't mentioned it.

He'd intended to arrive during the afternoon, to surprise you when you least expected it, to watch your eyes light up with excitement, to feel your lips against his when you welcomed him back with kisses that steal his breath. Instead he'd found himself quietly tiptoeing into your room in the early hours of the morning, fumbling in the dim lighting.

Poe sighs, running a hand through his hair, messy and damp from his helmet. He should shower, or at least clean up a little bit before he crawls into bed beside you, but you look so soft, so warm, so inviting after long hours of loneliness, that the thought leaves him almost as soon as it appears.

Right now, he needs you — your arms around him, your lips against his. He needs you to anchor him to the ground and make him forget about the terrors that have invaded his stars.

Carefully quiet, so he doesn't scare you awake, he shrugs off his shirt and pants, kicking them off to the side, where no doubt tomorrow you'll notice them and scold him for leaving things thrown around the room. The thought of your exasperated complaints makes him smile, realising he's even missed that.

He's surprised the dip and creak of the bed doesn't wake you as he kneels at the end, but you don't even stir, you're breathing steady and deep. It almost makes him feel guilty for wanting to wake you, but he knows there's no chance of sleep for him tonight, and the moment he lays down beside you, you'll wake anyway. He might as well make your reunion worth waking for.

Taking the edge of the thin sheet, he tugs it gently, slowly allowing it to slip down over your body, exposing more of you to his gaze.

He pauses as you stir, just slightly as the cold air begins to hit your skin, blindly reaching out and tangling your fingers in the sheet, trying to pull it back up. Poe holds it tightly, preventing any movement, and when you frown he gives it another playful tug.

That gets you to stir more, turning in the bed and exposing the full view of your naked form to him. Maker, how he stops himself jumping on you then and there, he doesn't know. If it was any other night he came home to his wife naked, he would have. But he won't rush this. He wants to savour the quiet moment, to drag it out and enjoy every possible second before reality crashes down on you both once more. So, patiently, he tugs the sheet gently out of your grip and off the bed.

Trusting you're well on the way to waking by the way you groan in annoyance, he dips his head and starts to press soft kisses against your leg, working his way up as his hands slide higher to map the soft flesh of your thigh.

He keeps his eyes on your face, watching as your eyes flicker open slowly, as though fighting the urge to drift back to sleep, your gaze glazed and unfocused.

"Poe?" You whisper his name, your voice sleep gravelled, hopeful and scared. He understands your fear. He knows all too well the nightmares that make you worry - one day you'll wake to him, and he won't really be here, he'll be gone forever, stardust scattered through space.

"I'm here," he assures you softly against your flesh, moving his kisses up to your thigh. "You're awake. I'm home."

"Poe," it's less of a question now, and it comes in a more desperately surprised voice as you finally, fully wake. His heart fills with love at the way your hands scramble to touch him, to pull him to sit up, to check him over.

"Hello wife," he smiles playfully, but you miss it, too busy checking over cuts and bruises, new scars, still red and angry, marks of battle that weren't there before. He allows you this, he doesn't wince or pull away from your gentle touches as he might have with others. And when your hands frame his face, he holds your worried gaze steadily.

He takes his own account of you then — the dark circles under your eyes that tell him this is maybe the first time you've slept soundly in weeks, the redness on your bottom lip that tells him you've chewed it more than once in worry, the tears filling your eyes, full of both grateful happiness and concern. Bringing a hand up he cups your cheek gently, brushing his thumb against your skin to wipe away the tear that breaks free to cascade down your cheek.

"Don't cry. I'm here," he whispers softly. "I'm sorry I woke you up."

"What happened out there?" Your scared question brings back a familiar ache in his chest, the echo of memories flashing across his vision. His stomach gives a sickening lunch, and his tongue is suddenly heavy in his mouth, unable to choke out the truth. He'll tell you tomorrow, when the sun has risen on a new day, when the silence that followed yelled call signs isn't so fresh in his mind, when the flashing lights of exploding star fighters behind his closed eyelids are no longer bright enough to blind him.

"I don't want to talk about it," he shakes his head softly, pushing away the thoughts of all that was lost. He won't think about that now. Not yet. No, for now he needs you — the distraction of you, the hope and light of you, to dispel the dark thoughts that churn in his mind.

You nod slowly, understanding him in a way only you can, brushing your thumbs against his skin as you hold his face. The touch of your hands makes his eyes flutter closed for just a moment, safe in your embrace. Your presence alone chases away the shadows that have clouded his every step.

"I missed you," you whisper softly, pressing a sweet kiss to his mouth. When you pull away his mouth chases yours, capturing your lips and kissing you desperately. His hand slides around the side of your neck, holding your lips captive against his as his tongue slips between your teeth. He needs you close to him, he needs all of you, and when he feels you return his kiss with the same intensity, he knows you need him too.

Nothing he could imagine, no memory he could conjure, would ever come anywhere close to the feeling of having your body against his. His lips re-familiarise themselves with yours, drawing soft moans from you as he presses you back to lay down, his body covering yours, slotting himself between your legs. As your hands slide down his chest, your kisses just as desperate and insistent as his, he finally feels some of the tension he's carried drop from his shoulders.

When you pull apart his eyes drink in the view of your body, the familiar stirring of passion only intensifying with each flicker of his gaze across the flesh laid out under him. You truly are the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

"If I'd known you started sleeping naked, I'd have been back weeks ago," his fingers slide across your flesh as he talks, wandering over the peaks of your breasts and tiptoeing down across your hip, familiarising himself with every curve as though it was the first time all over again.

He kisses the edge of your mouth as you sigh prettily beneath him, before his lips follow the line of your jaw, dipping to press a kiss under your ear and then slowly down your neck, enjoying the soft moan it elicits from you.

"I get hot sometimes,"

"You're hot all the time," he can't help but smile against your skin at your huff of amused laughter.

"You're already getting what you want. No need for the… compliments," the last word is gasped as he sucks a mark against your neck, replacing the one he left you with that's long since faded in his absence.

He allows himself a moment to admire it, letting this tongue sweep across the abused skin, before he brings his lips back to yours, his kiss passionate and needy. His fingers slide between your bodies, dipping down into the apex of your legs, letting out a low groan into your mouth at the wetness already gathered there.

"Someone was having a good dream," he teases, raising an eyebrow. Drawing his fingers up, he circles your clit slowly, reminding himself of all the ways to make your hips arch against him, your breath stutter and gasp. "I hope it was about me?"

"It wasn't," you gasp, your fingers gripping his shoulders as his work against you. Stars, he's missed this — the easy banter, the teasing, the way your eyes twinkle with amusement, the way they go wide, your mouth falling open with a low moan as he slides two fingers into you. This is what he needed, you, just you.

"Because a dream wouldn't compare to having me in reality, right?" He purposely curls his fingers against your walls as you try to speak, cutting your words off into a stuttered moan. You smack his arm in silent protest to his teasing, but he knows you're too distracted by the steady thrust of his fingers to think of anything else to say now.

When you do manage to choke out a word, between the whimpers and moans you shower him with, it's the simple syllable of his name. It's a desperate plea as you cant your hips against his hand, a sweet beg for more as your walls flutter against the press of his fingers.

"Poe," you whimper softly.

He shushes you gently, capturing your lips as he eases his fingers out of you with a slick noise. He can't deny you anything and his fingers are swiftly replaced by his cock, sliding through your wetness, letting out his own shaky breath at the feel of your heat against him.

He presses himself into you slowly, inch by inch, allowing you to adjust after the long absence, dropping his head to your shoulder as he shudders, letting out a low moan as your wet heat engulfs him. As he stills deep inside you, the world outside fades away, the terror and sadness, the hurt and worry. All that remains in his world now are the two of you.

"I love you," you whisper in a soft moan, wrapping your arms around him as you lift your hips to his. He knows your words are never just an "I love you." It's an I love you, I missed you, I'm here for you, we'll get through this. It's always more than just "I love you."

And when he repeats it back, a breathless mantra against your skin as he presses his body close against yours, entwining your fingers, drawing back his hips to slowly rock against yours, his own affirmations are hidden in the spaces between the words.

"I love you, I love you, I love you."

I love you. I missed you. I need you.

----

Taglist reblog to follow

[lovesicktemple]

Yandere Kokichi with a s/o that can't even look at him because they're scared of him?^^

Hey Anon! Sure thing! Also, I will be delaying some Kokichi requests for a bit. Or Atleast I, will hehe! Let’s see if admin Kaede answers them next.

—————————————

Yandere Kokichi with a terrified S/O.

Source: This cute little gif here!!

Warning, threatening, blackmail

—————————-

❥: You really weren’t the bravest type. If you heard the slightest noise you’d twitch a little. The killing game only made your paranoia worse.

❥: Kokichi..didn’t help at all..

❥: Since you were a scared person, he’d love to just make you jump by randomly coming around corners and jump scaring you.

❥: Everytime he did, you got even more and more paranoid. He was so..annoying..

❥: You started distancing yourself from him, trying your best to stay away from him as much as possible. The creepy faces didn’t exactly help either.

❥:Kokichi git upset! All of it was just for fun! Why were you being such a baby?! If he wanted to interact with you, he needed to be gentle.

❥:You we’re eating breakfast one day and Kokichi tapped you on the shoulder. You looked over and shrieked!

❥:Kokichi tried reassuring you that he didn’t mean any harm. But you shook your head closed your eyes.

❥: “Come on Y/N! I’m not THAAAAAT scary~! Let’s hangout,”

❥: Then, unannounced he ripped you off of the bench and dragged you with him. Despite your protests he was determined to show you he wasn’t that bad! But..he ended up blackmailing you into hanging out with him a bit. Using your secrets as a way to threaten you.

❥: This wasn’t how you wanted to spend your day! Attached to Kokichi, forced to do activities with him. Kokichi really did his best to be gentle with you, but you didn’t enjoy your time with him all that much. He threatened you for gods sake!

❥: At the end of the day, you were still scared of him. So, he turned to you and..swore to protect you? You just walked away but he followed you. I guess his idea of ‘protecting’ you was following you around everywhere. Even inside your dorm! And if you locked the door before he could get in, he’d lock pick it.

❥: He began becoming a headache, but you never had the courage to tell him to buzz off. And he took that as an invitation to be even closer to you! He didn’t stand beside your bed anymore, he slept with you. No matter your protests.

❥: It had gotten out of hand..so, you gathered up your courage and asked one of your classmates to help you keep Kokichi away from you

❥: So, Kokichi resorted to stalking you. The only opportunity he had to be close to you was during nighttime. So he’d lock pick your room and watch you sleep. But..something was missing..your scent ..your touch. He wanted it! But he shouldn’t be demanding! You’re already scared of him so why should he push it?!

❥:..Those thoughts didn’t help. Come on, it’s Kokichi Ouma. I’m pretty sure he’s at war with himself on a daily basis.

❥: So, at nighttime, he decided to go into your room. But through a vent. And because he went through the cleaning supplies, he had found himself some chloroform! It his lucky day. He carefully but it up to your face and let you pass out while dragging you through the vent.

❥: Your class mate knocked on your door the next day, they had expected you to answer but..you were somewhere else. You were in Kokichi’s room. Good thing they’re sound proof! It would’ve been so annoying to hear you call for help. 24/7!

❥: He’s all over you and gave you a pillow to hug to prevent you from becoming too anxious. But, your mouth was taped shut. You were too scared to cry! Kokichi might hurt you! So you stayed quiet and let yourself calm down.

❥: The rest of your days were spent on a search for you. Everytime they questioned Kokichi, he said he had no clue where you went. But that made him a suspect nonetheless. But they could never get to you no matter how much up they tried. Will anybody save you?

——————

I hope you like them!

~Mod Shuichi

[from-the-clouds]

Thinking of a Place (Part VII) - Kendall Roy x Reader

gif by @televisionchronicles

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part Five | Part Six | Fic Playlist | Masterlist

Summary: The penultimate chapter.

Words: 6.4k

Warnings: Angst, alcohol consumption, discussions of drug abuse/addiction.

A/N: Massive apologies to everyone for the semi-cliffhanger and then delayed update. Life was very stressful and crazy, and I wrote briefly for another fandom. I had such bad writers block with this part, but I do think it is one of my favorites. Please let me know what you think.

The spires of the cathedral were jagged, jutting straight up and somehow still managing to make the church appear more threatening than the skyscrapers that towered around it. You had to tilt your head back all the way to take it in, dragging your feet up the steps.

“This is gonna be so awful,” a voice sounded behind you, and you paused your slow procession for it to catch up. “Oh, it’s gonna suck so bad.”

Stewy fell into step beside you, glued to his phone and texting frantically, trying to do some business last-minute before it would be taboo. You wanted to laugh, but knew now was not the time. Plus, your stomach was twisting itself in knots, and it might’ve felt nice to relieve some of the tension squirming about.

It only gets worse from here.

“You don’t know the half of it,” you sympathized absentmindedly. It wasn’t too late to back out, was it? You could. All it would take was to turn around, get back in the car and go home, pretend it never happened. It would be better to erase this part of your life and never look back.

Hell, you weren’t even planning to be there, until Stewy guilted you into it. It wasn’t fair.

“We should go to the funeral, right?” he had mused over the phone, catching you after work. “Like, that’s the right thing to do, no?”

You pushed back your cuticles and paused the episode of Shark Tank you had on, stifling a laugh. There was no chance you’d be able to pay attention. “Since when do you care about doing the right thing?”

“I don’t,” he scoffed, offended. “But it might make me look bad…is what I’m saying. I was on the board, I owned all those shares….it’d be bad for business, at least.”

“Yeah,” you paused. “I don’t care if I look bad.”

“Well, yeah, but you still have to go with me,” he said, matter-of-factly.

“Do I?”

“Yeah, I’m not fucking going to this thing alone.”

“Stewy, no…I’m not going.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Come on, uhhh, let’s see, what dirt could I scrounge up to use as blackmail to make sure you come?” he mused. “Maybe I should hire a PI.”

“Good luck with that,” you laughed, but felt your face fall, something nagging at the back of your mind.

Even though you knew Stewy was joking, you did wonder if it was possible someone could ever find evidence of what had happened between you and Kendall. On your end, there was no paper trail. Perhaps a few spicy texts you’d shared, but even those were vague enough to give you plausible deniability, and you’d never uttered a word about it to anyone. As for him, you had no idea. But it’s not like you were going to try to find out.

“No,” Stewy said, after a pause. “You’re a good person, that’s why you’ll go. I don’t even need to guilt you. You’ll do it to yourself.” “No I won’t!,” you exclaimed in mock indignity. “You don’t know me….”

But you knew Stewy was right. Even before he’d called you, you’d already been considering it. Through all the bullshit, you had spent so many years of your life at Waystar. And it wasn’t just Kendall you’d grown close to. Gerri, Greg, even Shiv at times had all been some sort of friend. You had to show support. This wasn’t just about him.

“But… “ For all you knew, it might be crowded enough that you didn’t even have to speak to Kendall. Maybe, if you were really lucky, he wouldn’t be there. You weren’t sure what terms he was on with Logan, anyways. You knew it was the right thing to do.

“....yeah, I guess I should go,” you added.

So you went to the funeral, filing into the church alongside Stewy Hosseini of all people. You were ultimately glad you weren’t alone, just because you would’ve felt incredibly uncomfortable. You still did, of course. But you already couldn’t imagine anything worse than this.

The sound of chanting – coming from the small group of protestors outside – reached your ears from the back of the church where you sat, with your eyes cast down. There weren’t as many people in attendance as you were expecting, though there were still probably hundreds, a fair amount of them journalists, some of them there for the story, others to pay their respects – which was rather laughable if you thought about it. But besides all the suits and ties, and old white men with haggard faces, it still felt like there weren’t that many. A man like Logan Roy didn’t seem to keep friends, unless they were good for business. And even then, you’d seen how disposable members of his inner circle could be.

The service was long, and felt like it lasted forever. Maybe it was just your nerves, you couldn’t stop fidgeting next to Stewy, who gave you a couple of side-eyed glares while you nibbled on your cuticles and twisted one of the rings on your fingers, crossing and uncrossing your legs.

Marcia, Shiv, Roman, and Connor all spoke, but not Kendall. In fact, you were beginning to think he wasn’t even there, felt the persistent pinch between your shoulder blades begin to release, especially once the service wrapped up, and the priest announced that the burial was closed to immediate family only.

It made you feel a little more relaxed. Just an hour – give or take – and you could go home, know you weren’t a heartless monster who wouldn’t show up, and not have to live with anymore guilt. You were almost in the clear.

“Shall we pay our respects?” asked Stewy, standing up from his spot.

“Probably,” you said, lining up behind the long processional that fed towards the altar where the family sat.

Stewy didn’t say anything for awhile, hands in the pockets of his impeccably tailored suit. You were grateful for the silence, especially when he opened his mouth and spoke again.

“I bet Ken will be so happy to see you after all this time,” he eyed you carefully with a devilish twinkle in his eyes, gauging your reaction.

You pressed your lips together. Narrowed your eyes. I know what you’re doing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you kept it playful.

“Well, you know…he always had a thing for you. He never would admit it to me but….I just knew it.”

You feigned surprise, before shrugging and shaking your head. “I don’t know about that. And if how he treated me is how he treats people he likes? Then I’d want no part in it.”

Stewy had been given a very vague explanation of your reasons for leaving Waystar, the headline being that Kendall had offended you one-to-many times – which wasn’t exactly a lie.

“That’s his modus operandi,” Stewy said. “Fuck people over until they leave. It’s almost like he wants it to happen.”

Stewy had known Kendall since childhood, he knew him better than you did, in a lot of ways. Still, you wished what he was saying wasn’t true.

“Yeah,” you shook your head. “I don’t know.”

After that, Stewy let it go, thank god. For the rest of the time spent waiting, he chatted with you idly, sneakily hiding behind you to use his phone and send emails. You started to zone out as he droned to you about various topics – why NFTs were the future of currency and how you needed to buy one, some club he was investing in that sold magic mushroom infused cocktails, and his upcoming trip to Dubai. Despite the subject matter, you were thankful to have him as a distraction as the number of people in the church dwindled.

And then you saw him.

The man standing next to Shiv with his hands buried in the pockets of his suit, crisp and unwrinkled. You had actually noticed him already, but didn’t even recognize him at first. Kendall.

He looked exhausted, utterly spent, eyes flickering down as he shrugged his arm forward to shake someone’s hand. And although you weren’t surprised to see him in such a state considering the circumstances, that wasn’t why you didn’t recognize him right away.

He looked….good. Healthy, even. His skin was practically glowing, his hair had grown out, speckled with far more gray than you remembered. Perhaps he’d been dyeing it all this time. It didn’t matter, because it suited him. Fuck. You were still attracted to him, which didn’t bode well. You supposed you always would be, though, whether he was a coked-out mess or a put-together, confident and powerful man. The appeal would never leave you. But it wasn’t like you still had feelings for him, or anything.

Kendall glanced around the room, as the person he had been talking to moved on, scanning diligently. And even though you tried to angle yourself behind Stewy, to remain out of sight, you weren’t fast enough. It was too late. When he saw you, he did a double-take. Then, he was locked in.

Oh, great. You weren’t sure if you thought it, or you muttered it under your breath.

Against your better judgment, you met his gaze. Something fluttered in your stomach. Kendall tilted his head, and you were a little surprised by the tenderness written on his features, warmth in his eyes, like he was only seeing you. Like you both knew something no one else in the room did. You found yourself lingering there, just for a moment longer than you should have.

The only thing that pulled you away was someone shaking you, tapping you relentlessly, saying your name. Finally, you turned away from Kendall, somewhat thankful. You still snuck one final glance over your shoulder, to find that he had also been pulled away.

“Greg!” you exclaimed when you saw who it was that had stolen your attention.

“Hey,” Towering over you, he grinned widely. “S-so good to see you.”

“You too!”

Considering he was on Logan’s side of the deal with Gojo, you hadn’t technically been allowed to talk to him. But that didn’t matter anymore. Now, he was one of the bigwigs at Waystar, carrying himself with more confidence than you thought possible. Even then, he was still just as gangly, offering you the most awkward side-hug you’d encountered. “How are you?”

“Good,” you embraced him in return. “I’m so sorry about your uncle.”

“It’s like, you know….it’s one of those things that happen, I guess,” he said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. He didn’t seem that upset. “It’s good to see you.”

Before being pulled in different directions, you and Greg had been quite close. He was your go-to person to share a joint with during an excruciating networking event; and you, him, and Jess pretty much had therapy sessions commiserating about your nearly-insufferable bosses. Yet, you all stuck around.

“Good to see you too.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Stewy raise his hand to wave at someone across the room, phone to his ear, and he stepped away and out of your periphery. You assumed it would be the last time you’d see him that day. So much for having company.

“So like, what are you doing now, like, work-wise?” Greg asked.

“Well, you know I’m-”

“Greg, come on, we’re going now-” the click of heels on the hardwood, accompanied by a familiar voice was a dead giveaway. Shiv. Her face lit up when she saw you, her three brothers trailing behind. The line had scattered before you could even get to them.

“Oh my god,” Shiv surprised you with a rare hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

“You too, I’m so sorry about your dad,” you said as she released you.

“Yeah well, you know,” Shiv shrugged, dropping her hand. “I’m surprised you’re here. How have you been?”

“I’m good. Are you still working at-”

“I thought we had like, 20 minutes?” Greg interrupted, leaning to whisper in her ear.

“Uh, yeah. I said that 30 minutes ago,” Shiv answered, pulling her phone out to look at it. “Can you go find Tom? I’ve tried calling him and he’s not picking up.” She turned her attention back to you.

“I’m so sorry, we have to get going, this day has been so-”

“Don’t apologize, I get it,” you shook your head. You’d been to your own fathers funeral, and even though Logan was a different type of parent, you couldn’t imagine how stressful this was for any of his children.

“Thank you for understanding. Hey!” she said, like she’d forgotten something. “You’re coming to Ken’s after this, right? You should be there.”

You meant to object to Shiv’s request politely, but before you could, you were interrupted.

“Oh there she is, the girl who fucking ghosted us all,” Roman jutted in, words rather harsh, even though there was a dark smile on his face and he was shaking your shoulders. Shiv had turned away and was whispering to Greg. “Nice of you to show up.”

“Rome, I don’t think that’s helpful-” a familiar deep timbre was in your ear and your eyes flickered over just as Kendall stepped between you and his younger brother. He peered at you cautiously as Roman lost interest in offering any more verbal harassment, turning to throw a snarky remark at Connor and Willa instead.

“Hey,” Kendall said, much of the chatter and chaos around you fading. “Thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you said, not sure what to do. Hug him? Shake his hand? It concerned you that immediately, your first instinct was to comfort him. But the more conscious part of your brain recoiled at the thought. Do something. Say something. You were frozen, until finally, you remembered your funeral etiquette. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Yeah,” he answered, nodding. “Yeah, thank you, it’s uh…it’s pretty tough.”

You nodded, inhaling through your nose as you shifted your weight, and Kendall’s gaze flickered downward, both of you holding for a clumsy silence.

“It’s uh,” Kendall cleared his throat. “It’s good to see you, though.”

You swallowed hard, feigning indifference. “Yeah, it’s been awhile.”

“Ken, come on, or we’ll leave without you,” Shiv was backing away. Roman, Greg, and a slew of others hovering around.

“Okay, okay,” he stepped away. “Listen I gotta get to the burial but uh, I uh….you know we’re uh, having some people over at my place after - mostly Waystar people…. just, you know, for food and….” he trailed off. “Closer family and friends…..you should come. You were a big part of it all.”

“Yeah, don’t know about that.” A big part of it all? He was playing you. You wanted to make an excuse. Some reason you couldn’t make it. You were drawing a blank. No was a complete sentence, but that simple syllable lay dead on your tongue.

“It’s the truth,” Kendall insisted earnestly. “You should be there, really.”

“Uhh, okay, I guess…” you forced your lips to form a tight-lipped, reluctant smile.

“Okay,” Relief washed over his features and he stepped away. “Okay, I’ll uh, I’ll see you there.”

You turned your back to him, tilted your head back to groan, and stared at a long-haired man in the stained glass window.

Why?

— — — — —

Being back in Kendall’s apartment felt…strange. On one hand, you no longer belonged. It had been ages. It was unfamiliar, cold. Like a museum. On the other hand, it was as though no time had passed. Warmth still lingered in the space, and your eyes were inexplicably drawn to places they shouldn’t have been – the couch where he had first kissed you, the wall he’d pinned you against in the hallway. You were just lucky you didn’t have to go into his bedroom, for whatever reason.

So you spent much of your time hovering around Gerri, who you’d lost touch with – mostly after Kendall tried to sabotage his father – but that grudge had come and gone. During your years at Waystar, she’d become something of a mentor to you, and the closest thing you had to a mother besides…well, your own mother, who you only considered your mother because it was the objective truth.

But more importantly, you could always rely on her if you needed to talk shit. Over the years, that was the kind of trust you didn’t earn with just anyone, but you had a mutual understanding. What you said to each other never left the room you were in, and you always had to keep any insider information to yourself.

And at the party, Gerri did a good job of keeping you included in conversations so you weren’t forced to talk to anyone you didn’t want to – which was pretty much only one person. She spent most of the time filling you in on what had happened in and outside of the business since you’d left it, much to your dismay. Your morbid curiosity, however, was very encouraged by the information.

“Did you hear that Rava is remarrying?” Gerri asked you, under her breath as you sat next to her, nursing a bourbon and nibbling on amuse bouche.

“No, I didn’t,” you said, raising an eyebrow, though it wasn’t exactly a surprise. You wondered how Kendall handled the news, then pushed the thought aside.

“Really?” Gerri sipped on her martini. “Wow, you really did cut ties,” she said, giving you a side-eye, while still scanning the room, settling back to make sure she had noted everyone in the space and where exactly they were. She was and had always been, by far, the most capable person you’d ever known. “I thought you and Ken kept in touch.”

You snorted, scowling, and glanced over at Gerri, who was studying you carefully. “I haven’t seen or talked to him since I left.” Of course, you’d never tell Gerri the extent of your history with Ken.

Your acting must have paid off, because she moved on without issue. “That one,” Gerri gestured to Roman, who was downing a glass of champagne. “Lord only knows what will happen with that one now that Logan’s gone.”

You smirked, as your gaze flickered between her and Roman, recalling a rumor you’d heard. It was too preposterous to ever be true, and far too sordid to even jokingly bring up to her. “Yeah, who knows…”

She gave a dry laugh in response. Then sighed. “I should probably stop being so antisocial,” Gerri said, uncrossing her legs.

You nodded in agreement, standing up along with her, making your way to get another bourbon – which was the only thing keeping you remotely relaxed.

“Hey,” you felt a hand on your arm just as you took the first sip, and turned around to find Shiv with a champagne flute in her hand. “I hate to do this, but can you help me find Ken? We’re supposed to do a toast, and he basically like, vanished.”

“Shiv, I-” you began to object.

“Please?” she pressed, pouting slightly. You supposed that this wasn’t about you, at all. That she was mourning her father and you could stop being so selfish.

“Yeah, I can-”

“Whaddup sluts?” Roman injected.

Shiv’s eyes widened in a mortified expression. “Rome, can’t you at least pretend to be upset?”

“Eh, well, that’s always been Ken’s job,” he put his hand on his hip, pressing them forward and peering around the room. “Speaking of which, where is he? Sulking because he didn’t go before dad?”

“Roman,” Shiv warned, then glanced all around her nervously for anyone within earshot.

“What? Stop that, you know it was almost him just a few months ago,” he rolled his eyes.

His words took a second to land.

“Wait, what happened?” you blurted before Shiv could even scold him.

“Oh, you didn’t hear?” Roman grinned, absolutely diabolical.

Shiv flipped her hair and leaned forward, hissing at him. “Now is not the time to-”

“No, no it’s fine,” Roman said, coughing after he took an overzealous sip of champagne. “I’ll just repress the traumatic memory of finding my big brother unconscious on his bathroom floor, it’s fine-”

“Roman-”

“Hey, what did he do to you anyways?” Roman turned to you, standing wide eyed and shocked at his callousness, bits and pieces of a horrific story coming together in your mind with each careless toss of words in your direction. “Because he didn’t tell us shit. It had to be pretty fucking bad, though.”

You shrugged, trying to remain nonchalant. “I can’t even remember.”

“Bullshit, come on, what really happened? It fucked him up, like, so good.”

You couldn’t answer. God, you’d really lost your ability to deal with these kinds of people, to stay stoned-faced and unfeeling while horrible things were being said straight to your face. And Roman, of all of them, was probably the most harmless. It wasn’t that you didn’t like him. He was just an….acquired taste. A lot more bitter than you remembered.

“Come on, tell us, I’m dying to know.” Shiv had quieted, looking on.

Finally, finally, that old fire in you lit up – just enough for you to press your lips together in a coy smile as you raised your hands. “I’ve signed too many NDA’s Rome, I can’t answer that.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Ugh, whatever, you….so fucking cryptic, too good for us, now?”

“Fuck off,” you rolled your eyes, shoving him playfully. “I’ll find Kendall,” you nodded at Shiv.

It was a little concerning to know that he hadn’t changed in the slightest since you’d last spoken, you thought somewhere along the way he might try to be….or get better. But they were Roys. None of them would ever really thrive.

After doing a turn about the apartment and being unable to find him anywhere, you finally decided to try his office, figuring he might be in one of the more closed off areas of the space. Shiv putting you up to this seemed like a sick joke, but thanks to Roman’s big mouth you got the impression that neither of them actually knew anything, which made this whole situation less humiliating.

The office door was ajar, which meant that he probably wasn’t inside if all he wanted were a few moments of privacy. You poked your head inside and saw nothing at first glance, until your eyes caught a small form hunched in the corner of the room.

Sat with his knees to his chest, folded in a ball, head parallel with the ground, he was a sight.

“Hey,” you said softly.

One of his palms swiped his nose as he glanced over at you. “Oh, hey,” he answered, staring back at the floor, snorting and shaking his head. He’d been crying. He didn’t want you, or anybody to see it. Curled up and isolated, ashamed and vulnerable, a boy hiding his tears from a world and from a father that might see it and call him what he knew he was: weak.

And you might’ve told him to go find Shiv and then leave him there alone like that.

But you didn’t.

Instead, you stepped into the room, closing the door behind you. “Shiv sent me to come find you. Something about a toast….?”

“Oh yeah,” he grunted. “Yeah….I should probably get back out there.”

“You should take a second, if you need one.”

He didn't turn, didn't acknowledge you, just studied the polished marble floors. And you were bracing yourself against the wall so you could slide to sit next to him, crossing your legs when you were on the ground, back against the wall. Kendall’s shoulders sagged.

It felt like ages that you sat next to him, huddled like that, steeping in the tension, in the sorrow melting off of him.

“Is it bad that I feel kind of relieved?” he asked after a while, unmoving.

You snorted, remembering the first time Logan had ever yelled at you to fuck off, and then also a game he’d made up at a corporate retreat called Boar on the Floor. Both incidents had been mildly traumatizing, but were isolated. What it felt like to live through a lifetime of that type of humiliation and cruelty, you couldn’t imagine. “Not at all.”

"I-I’m relieved….” He reiterated. “....and I feel so fucking guilty.”

You inhaled, stared at whatever he was staring at, the wheels of his desk chair.

“He didn’t want me to speak at his memorial. His own son. All I did was let him down. I could’ve been….I could’ve been better.”

The words he spoke had a visceral reaction, you were suddenly queasy. And keeping your mouth shut only made it worse, holding back would’ve been more agonizing. “That’s not true, Kendall,” you shook your head. “He was impossible to please. People like him…they don’t change. You’d be setting yourself up to get hurt”

“Uh-huh.” Kendall’s eyes were on you, burning a hole in the side of your face, so uncomfortable and distracting that you gave in to it and stole him a glance. His expression was written with concern. Is that why you left? He had more of his father in him than he’d ever be willing to admit, a poison that was ever-spreading despite his desperation to purge himself of all that evil. And he couldn’t be sure he was capable of that.

“Thanks again for coming.”

“Oh, you know,” you shrugged. “Figured I should.”

“It means a lot.”

“Yeah.”

A bandaid had to be ripped off, one that covered a wound so deep it might start bleeding and never stop. It was better to be left covered up.

He saved you the trouble. “So uh…what have you been getting into?”

“I work at an ad firm,” you said. “In house legal services.”

He nodded, a smile quivering at the corner of his mouth. “That sounds perfect for you.”

“Yeah, it definitely fits.”

“They probably love you there, I bet.”

You scoffed. “I don’t know about that….but, yeah…it’s….you know, it’s good. I’m….happy.”

He was gazing at you wistfully. Gentle, but still so sad. He was missing out. So many things that had happened over the past year, and he hadn’t been there to see any of it. He was mourning all the time lost. But he didn’t deserve your time. “I’m glad you’re happy.”

You turned away from the intensity of his expression. It would all come crumbling down around you. All you were supposed to do was retrieve him, and instead you were sitting next to him on the floor, letting him chat you up, and getting dust all over funeral dress. Things were clearly already crumbling.

“You know, everyone’s probably wondering…” you began.

“Yeah, you’re right. We should go.” Kendall pushed himself to his feet in record speed, turning to offer you his hand, so close to your face that refusing it would’ve been rude, like that was his plan all along. And you took it, as lightly as you could.

The skirt of your dress that had ridden up, and you tugged it back into place while Kendall smoothed down the lapels of his suit. “Did it get wrinkled?” he asked you, and you sized him up, frowning when you noticed some dust on the collar.

“Here,” you stepped towards him, into his space, using your hand to wipe away the lint, looking down at his chest. “And uh….your tie is…” You reached out to tuck it back in his jacket, fingers lingering a little too long when you caught a whiff of his cologne. It had taken nearly all day to get used to being back with these people, but five minutes with Kendall and you were already reverting back to old habits. “There.”

When you stepped away and looked at Kendall, that dejected look on his face had returned, and his eyes were searching yours desperately. It hurt. You could see all the regret in his features, all the things he wanted to say but wasn’t. His eyes were trying to find something to hold onto in your own, to cling to something so he wasn’t swallowed entirely by grief.

You looked at the floor. There wasn’t anyone strong enough to confront that look. At some point, you thought you could. Not anymore. He wasn’t any of your business.

When you glanced back over at him, he’d sunk his gaze to the ground, was shrinking before you.

You would tell yourself you didn’t know what compelled you to embrace him. That your hand rose to his shoulder, on its own accord, and the words you spoke couldn’t have been from your mouth.

“Hey. It’ll be alright.”

Kendall stiffened at first, the surprise at your actions jolting through his body, as you closed the space between you and laid your arms around his torso. He was warm, he smelled like you always remembered – expensive cologne, cigarettes, laundry detergent. But the way he melted into you when he realized – oh. It was almost euphoric. His arms wound around your waist, his fingers kneaded into the fabric of your black dress. The shuddery inhale he took when his face pressed against your neck made you shiver.

It shouldn’t have excited you that much, to be so close to him again. But it did. It satiated something deep-seated within that you couldn’t seem to control today.

Kendall choked in a whimper, sounding half relieved, half in pain. “Fuck,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry. So so sorry,” he sobbed, as you both clutched at each other desperately.

Tears pricked at the back of your eyes, and you struggled to keep from crying for the first time that day. One of his hands rubbed your back an attempt to comfort you, even as he fell apart. The purchase of his hands was so sturdy….but brittle. Under any more pressure he might break.

“I know,” you answered, barely above a squeak. You couldn’t trust yourself to be any louder without crying, and Romans words from earlier were filtering back into your mind. Shifting your hand to the back of his neck, you drew him even closer. “I was worried about you. ”

“I’m okay,” he said softly.

He held you, unwavering, for an undetermined amount of time. It had to end, and it did, when you both slowly unwound from each other, swiping underneath your eyes. But his hand lingered on your waist as you walked out of the office.

Kendall stayed close to you for the rest of evening, joining in on conversations near yours, standing next to you during whatever toasts were being made. You even stood chatting to Sophie and Iverson about school while he looked on. But as things began to wind down, he disappeared again, and you started to do your rounds saying goodbye. You’d spent enough time back in this world, and didn’t need to stay.

It was your chance to slip away. And you thought it would go unnoticed, that maybe you could vanish and no one would see it happen. You had your hand on the doorknob when you heard the clip of dress shoes on the marble floor. The footsteps halted behind you, and there was a hand on your shoulder.

“Please don’t go.”

“Kendall, you should be with your family,” you turned around to face him.

“They’re going to leave,” he said, hand moving down to wrap around your bicep. “I want…can you be with me? Just a little longer.”

You felt your posture slump. He was your biggest weakness, the sorest nerve inside you. Did he know it? He had to. If that was true, you could write him off as the monster you’d tried to convince yourself he was. But maybe it wasn’t so sinister. Was Kendall capable of that? For some reason, even after all he’d put you through, you didn’t think so. You were going to give in to him, like you always did. You’d held out for so long this time.

“Okay,” you said, letting his hand trail down your arm before it dropped at his side.

“Thank you,” he said, eyes searching yours in earnest as you followed him back down the hallway.

The party, if that was what you could even call it, ended within the hour. Everyone trickled out, even Shiv and Roman, the mess cleaned up by the event staff. And you and Kendall were left alone.

This could be a recipe for disaster, you thought. Or it could be exactly what you knew it was.

“Will you uh, sit outside with me while I…have a cigarette?” he asked, after you’d spent a fair amount of time sitting rigidly on the couch in front of him.

Nodding your head, you followed him outside, crossing your arms and keeping your distance from the edge of the balcony. The lights from the city shrouded any stars in the sky, and instead created their own constellations – the glow of windows stretching out endlessly across the skyline. And the distant sounds of sirens and car horns were far enough away to be an ambiance. It was….peaceful, even with Kendall there.

But, determined to not make it so, Kendall held a cigarette between his lips, leaning over the glass railing, head hanging out over the open air. Air, so much air and absolutely nothing between him and the ground below. Standing in his living room looking out the window was different than being in the open like this. You didn’t feel nearly as safe.

“Be careful,” you blurted, reaching out to clasp a hand around his bicep.

Kendall chuckled just a little, pulling the cigarette from between his lips. “Don’t worry,” he said, but he did step away, and then closer to you. Fuck. That’s not what you had meant to happen. He really did look good, all emotional turmoil aside. Especially the grey hair, it was doing something for you, and you really hadn't expected to feel so drawn to him.

You swallowed hard and nodded, satisfied that he wasn’t – on accident or on purpose – going to topple over the edge. Backing away, you sat on the couch, trying not to shiver from the chill of the evening.

“Want one?” Kendall asked as he sat down next to you, offering you his pack of American Spirits. You accepted. You weren’t much of a cigarette smoker, but maybe it’d do something about the incessant panic nipping the back of your head. Placing it between your lips, Kendall leaned in to light it for you.

“Are you working anywhere right now?” you asked, exhaling a cloud of smoke. It seemed harmless enough a question, but something to break the uncomfortable silence. Sterile, as if you two were at a networking event.

“Uh–huh,” Kendall lit his own cigarette. “Well, I uh….I’ve got a few things going on but uh…mostly I’m just…figuring it out.”

“I’ve been there.”

He winced when you said it, and looked at his feet. “Yeah, uh….I-I know.”

You didn’t answer. You chewed on your bottom lip and took another drag.

“I uh…” Kendall spoke again. “A few months back I wrote you a letter. Did you….did you get it?”

“Yeah I did…” You took a deep breath. “I read it.”

Kendall nodded, stared at his dress shoes, hunched over in his white shirt – the suit jacket and tie long since abandoned. “I uh….I hurt a lot of people…” he said, lifting his head, turning to face you. “I’m really trying to be better now.”

“Uh-huh,” You couldn’t help but keep the sarcasm from leaking into your tone. If it was months ago you would’ve given him a piece of your mind. But you had healed….for the most part.

“I’ve been sober for six months,” he said.

That softened you. “That’s great, Ken.”

He gave you a small and bashful smile, looking out at the horizon. The quiet no longer felt as heavy. Kendall straightened up.

“You look great, by the way,” he said, looking up at you from over his shoulder.

You bit your lower lip to keep from smiling, but you couldn’t really stop it. “Uh-huh,” you answered. “Well….you do too.” It was the truth. And you weren’t one to lie.

“Uh-huh. Thanks,” he smirked and looked back at the horizon, taking another drag.

You stayed with him a little longer, but when the dress you wore had you shivering on his porch, you decided it was time to go. Kendall protested, of course, offering to let you borrow a sweatshirt, saying you could sleep in one of his guest rooms, or at the very least call a car to take you home. But you refused all of it.

You were on your way out when he stopped you, your name on his lips, the warmth of his hand around your wrist, penetrative stare all-encompassing and halting you entirely.

“I think about you all the time, you know that?” he asked. “Every day. You were so good to me.”

His words made you shiver, or maybe it was left over from being outside in the cold. Either way, you were feeling a little overwhelmed, a bitter taste on your tongue despite the sweetness of his words. You wanted to believe him, to trust him so badly. Wanted to tell him so many things.

You just nodded in response.

“Can we….I-I want to see you again…” he said softly. “It doesn’t have to be anything, I just…I really missed you.”

It looked like he was going to cry again, standing so close you could see the shine lying dormant in his eyes. “I want to be able to talk to you again, at least. Is that…is that okay?”

You looked at the floor. You knew the best thing to do for yourself was to close this chapter of your life. It seemed like loving him would only ever end in heartbreak. But he was impossible, he was inevitable.

“Yeah, let’s just…” Take it slow. “Yeah, that’s okay.”

Relief washed over him, his face relaxing and a small smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. “Of course.”

He pulled you into another hug. “Thank you,” he murmured. He felt so warm and safe, and every bone in your body betrayed you as you surrendered to his touch.

“I missed you too,” you whispered, and kind of hoped he didn’t hear it. But he must have, holding you closer, pressing his lips into your hair, then your temple. After a little more time spent wrapped in his arms, you pulled away and then slipped out the door.

You would regret this, you thought. But you were going to do it anyways.

Part VIII

[dizzydennis]

What is going on with the terrible way SEGA, IGN, and other sources are getting Sonic news out?

Frontiers’ segmented video releases are so scrambled that fans are left confused and disappointed. It took the third IGN video to clarify that the footage is of an older build. It makes the game look terrible and first impressions are all ready locked in.

Sonic Central was also so lame. I know they’re “sneak peeks,” but are we really going to act like 8 second reveals are acceptable? I’m stoked for Sonic Frontiers: Prologue, but showing a gif of Knuckles at the Master Emerald shrine doesn’t cut it. Sonic Prime just sort of showing Shadow… doesn’t cut it. No real information on Frontiers… doesn’t cut it! Also, why did they waste time talking about the Sonic movie 2 digital release… when it was already out for weeks. It was their own event… why was it so rushed?

Geoff Keighley blatantly lied about Sonic being at Summer Game Fest. There’s no other way to look at it. It was a complete lie. Moreover, showing footage of Sonic in every piece of advertisement and then claiming that “it was showing highlights from past events” is just dishonest. It’s like if Mario Strikers showed Mario and then the game came out and he just was nowhere in it.

The IGN interview about Sonic Frontiers was scheduled and then delayed a day… but nobody said a word about that until 20 minutes after it was supposed to air.

The Sonic Origins music thing just feels sneaky. Like they were tip-toeing around the issue for as long as they possibly could. It’s genuinely disappointing that the music won’t be what the original game had, but also that we had to be dragged along until this came out. Then again this is the same company that released the Origins reveal and made it look like S3K wouldn’t be in widescreen too, so I should be surprised.

It’s 2022 and SEGA isn’t new at this! I don’t get why this has been such a disaster and it’s insanely frustrating as a Sonic fan. We can and should demand better.

What is going on…?