#so for the past like idk 4 days I've been telling myself

[girlscience]

I HAVE MYSELF STUCK IN A STUPID LOOOOOOP AAAAAAAAA

[beesfairlyland]

Hello babies!!!💗

Soo i wanted to update you guys about the tapes I've been listening to by @adambja. They've been an holy grail for my journey!!

Soo let's start with the I AM IN CONTROL TAPE(⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

I couldn't listen to it regularly for a week but i listened as much as i could!

Day 1:- I listened to it for like 2 hrs sat in peace and focused on the affirmations. I felt good ...and tbh those audible affirmations make you feel already in control.

Day 2:- Listened for like 1.5 hrs. I felt good while listening but some doubts started to come on surface. But i comforted myself telling that these are just thoughts and i have to let them go now.

Day 3:- I tested out how much am i in control😏. When i sleep for late my aunts wake me up saying it's late. So in the morning when i woke up slightly. I just said they won't say me anything and I'll sleep for however long i can and guess whatt?? No one disturbed me at all and it was the first time😭 i didn't get disturbed! I listened for like an hour.

Day 4:- i Manifested some food that i was craving...first time i Manifested some food tbh😭 i started to gain soo much of confidence i swear im loving it and im in love with adamja!!😭💗

Day 5:- soo we were going to a party and our plan to go got cancelled. I was like no we'll go....I kid you not the very next second my brother came and told us to get ready🤭

I kept listening to the tape on and off till self concept tape came. I didn't listen to it with any intention tbh i just used it for fun with zero expectations. My confidence literally sky rocketed!!😭 I felt soo much in control. All of my intrusive thoughts literally started disappearing. Then came the self concept tape...it was just for three days but I swear the way it changed my thoughts i was shocked!

SELF CONCEPT tape review (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

I listened to it for 3 hrs for 3 days ... didn't listen it overnight coz im a light sleeper and can't sleep with something playing in the background. This tape is GOLD.

Day 1:- I had a mental breakdown the morning.... literally cried for hrs even tho in my head i was affirming im okay and everything's alright 💀my aunts fucking my head for like 2 3 days. And then came the tape and omgg the moment i started to listen to it.... first of all hearing those affirmations make you soo powerful and then the secret benefits she puts idk i felt soo much at peace and thoughts like "it's all just an illusion....this all doesn't even matter why to cry over it" started coming.

Day 2:- when i woke up i was soo much at peace even tho yesterday was shit for me. And i just decided i want peace. Haven't been this much peace in my house from past 2 3 yrs😭 and oh boy i felt soo detached from the 3d. I was soo happy.

Day 3:- i completely detached from the 3d. Nothing triggered me. And my circumstances don't even matter anymore. All of my desires felt soo natural and i completely detached from the void. I didn't even wavered not at all. Zero doubts. Im completely living in my 4d naturally I don't have to remind myself anymore about fulfilling myself...i a already in the state and i don't feel like doing anything to get my desires. And i just manifested my wifi working properly just by intention! And now ik I'll wake up in the void any time soon!😭 I don't even feel much excited now ... feels like it is a fact already. I've Never felt this much at peace ever!!

I swear guyss these tapes are soo good...god knows how powerful her paid tapes are😭 and ppl who say these are JUST TAPES....NOO THESE ARE SOME MFING HELLA POWERFUL TAPES!! She do have cheaper self concept and void tape too...go for it!! And if you can't then listen to the free tapess!!😭😭 Those are effective....aff.

And if you come at me saying im supporting those high priced tapes and advertising her tapes.

NOO I AM NOT ADVERTISING.... it's my experience try them out yourself and then say something and if she's pricing them that much ofcc it must be having some real powerful stuff(benefits) in it!! No one's forcing you too buy the tapes ....try the free ones!! And i am one of those person who never got any results from subliminals. Soo im soo happy i found these tapes!😭💗

And in the end i really really really wanna thank @adambja for providing us these tapes🫶🏻💗 you are soo kind!! i am soo grateful for having you as my mutual. And we appreciate you soo much for your hardwork. Don't let the hate and mean comments let you down. There are many ppl here who adore you soo much. We all are glad to be a part of the CULT(as haters say lol😭).

-love, bee💗✨

[memberment]

GOOD MORNING EVERYONE

So the Trinitarians brain worm is back and Morning Glory is now longer and biting the dust as far as my focus goes.

But like, I genuinely want to talk to anyone who's invested in what's to come as far as part two goes. SO PLEASE. I IMPLORE THE FOUR OF YOU WHO PERPETUALLY TAKE NOTICE OF MY SCREAMS INTO THE VOID.

We're all aware that Trin is a time loop fic. That is confirmed.

BUT THE PROBLEM IS HOW I'M GOING ABOUT DOING THAT. AND I NEED INPUT FROM PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT ME AS FAR AS PLEASES AND SPARKLES GO, YES?

Because like sure I'm writing it and like fuck everything else, let me tell my story. But it's the how of it all like if I'm gonna throw another 200 give or take hours into this I would at least like one person to be having a wonderful time drinking and driving (I have since remembered this is not a common phrase, I do not mean this in a literal sense, it's an expression) with me right?

Part two is going to be 50 chapters, give or take. (Part one is about 37 for reference.)

So the plan for part 2 rn is (ROGUHLY):

(1-10) is the second timeline. There are a lot of importants and I cannot just glaze over it all more than that. But we're also working in a bit of a shorter time period than the original events of the story and introductions do not need to happen again, right?

(11-40)ish would be me running through the next timelines in a set up structure -> what changes -> the results of said changes and then inevitably what sends our looper backwards. It wouldn't be running through all the timelines but the more notable ones in kind of a four chapter structure, I am not fully sold on four, but rough estimate yk.

And then 41-50 would be the finale of part two. It's literally the last timeline in its glory and then the epilogue which kicks off part three.

COULD AT LEAST ONE OF Y'ALL SIT THROUGH THAT OR DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY NOTES AT ALL BECAUSE LIKE

I personally kinda like it but if not a soul is reading this I am throwing myself on the curb with the rest of the garbage LMFAOOO.

I NEED THOUGHTS. OPINIONS. COMMENTS. CONCERNS. ANYTHING.

Anyways, I'm going to work. I have off tomorrow and I broke the ff investment seal for today so insanity and updates will be here tonight and homework will be tomorrow.

HOPE EVERYONE HAS A GOOD DAY <3

(9:30) I am literally falling asleep as I lazily write this angel based on Danse Macabre. Expect all of maybe one more update tonight if the tacos I am abt to receive don't wake me up LMFAO.

Also, I am almost saddened by not having something to post tm. Anyone want an early chapter of something that isn't Genesis/Desolation bc they're both on Monday?????? (I am feeling like a menace rn)

(10:19) tacos and the absolute yap session I just had did wake me up a bit. MAAAYBE might write some more. Idk I slept like three hours last night and went to work I'm kinda dead. But we're at 98.2k!!!!!!🥳

(11:06) okay we made it to 99.6k everything besides the flashback for 31 is done. I'm about to relax and watch something and figure out mechanics of some of this because god this series is A BEAST. Like, I still have six planned chapters left.

Pure insanity. I love it here. I hate it here.

Holy shit wait I just came to the realization that I started this fic exactly one month ago. I have belted out 99.6k for THIS FIC ALONE. (Moreso if we're including future shit that hasn't happened yet)

IN ONE MONTH.

THAT IS FUCKING CRAZY WHAT HTE FUCK LMFAOOOO

I may or may not be cooking we’ll find out in 6-26 business hours

(5:28) So I just had a very interesting past few business hours. I read a fic I've been waiting ever so patiently to finish. That's cool, right. I go for a walk at 4 in the morning because I'm insane. Fantastic. I get home at five and I'm like ohhhh well what do I do now it's not sleep time yet. Oh write I'm supposed to be drawing.

Nope I reread the epilogue of morning glory and realized Tweek's first address is for my morning glory and Craig's last sign off is your morning glory and now I'm ready to throw myself on the curb with the garbage as I sob. Someone call a trusted adult for me thanks.

[godlike-enigma]

°•*⁀➷ INTRODUCING MYSELF ! ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

bani ☆ she/her ☆ entp 5w4 ☆ minor (𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆 18+ 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗺𝗲) // side blog: @ilubeau

HI GUYS !! i post daydreaming-related stuff here but it's also kind of a mix of everything, i'll also post anime related stuff, i'll never really stick to just one thing but what i CAN tell you i'll be sticking to is my centrecosm mostly (my main paracosm, i'm staying loyal to the one i've been building for the past 4 years) it's also a blanket paracosm so there's loads of subcosms inside it but at the end of the day it's linear and takes place chronologically.

i have a few paracosms here and there so that's why i call myself a paracosmist but really and all they'll never compare to my main one. ಠ_ಠ

❤︎ this is a safe place for all madders (ง'̀-'́)ง, i really wanna make friends that are passionate with opening up about their little daydreaming worlds, i'll listen to you yap about it all day long.

PLEASE DO SEND QUESTIONS ABOUT MY PARACOSM(S) OR ABOUT YOURS !! i'll always reply ^-^

MY CENTRECOSM ✧

i have 60 paras (characters). yes. you heard that right. SIXTY. i have a whole pinterest board on it and i update it regularly -

https://pin.it/4Yvd42Asm

also yeah i'm a microcelebrity on pinterest idk if you've seen me around but yeah wtvr 😭😭 ALRIGHT LEMME GIVE YOU GUYS A LIL SYNOPSIS ! (i've never done one it's kinda scary)

my paracosm consists of 50 Gods, 4 archdemons, 4 archangels and God themself (God doesn't have a gender) and 5 monotheistic Gods, my paracosm has its own lore of different mythologies. greek, norse, and egyptian mythology. fiction has no limits, so i can bend it to fit my desires, i LOOOOOVE mythologies of all kinds, so i made my own lore using the names you see on the pinterest board. all of the Gods have the same power and no ones more powerful than each other except for God and Satan. the Gods are the most beautiful, ethereal, alluring individuals in heaven. Satan made it so that whenever someone who is not a God sees a God's appearance, they physically feel like they can't say anything. this is to prevent any romantic relationships. so whenever, for example, a human who is granted permission sees them, obviously, their initial reaction would be shock and the need to compliment them. right when they're about to do that, they start to feel choked up like they can't get the words out. it'll go on like that until they give up. the gods have noticed that a lot of the time when they show their selves to other people and they start reacting like that.. they start thinking its because they're ugly or something. LMFAOO, they'll be like "damn i'm THAT ugly???" and its so ironic bc they're actually trying to tell them they're more than beautiful, but they CAN'T because of Satan. he has a lot of unreasonable rules, and the Gods just put up with it because they appointed him as the leader whilst God is gone, so they kind of did to themselves... to put it in a nutshell, the Gods have never been complimented. like. ever. so 😭 its only factual that they'd feel like they're the ugliest individual alive. Satan is currently acting as the overseer of the Gods whilst God is away, so he gets to do whatever he wants to. the Gods are the main characters, the archdemons and archangels are side characters, Satan is the antagonist, and God is... mysterious. they don't pop up. ever. so the Gods just assume they don't like them. i can go on and on about this, but i feel like i'm yapping too much ... this isn't even 0000.5% of the story. sorry, guys, this is a really bad summary, but trust me, you'll find out more about it if you follow through with my posts 🙏🏽

tags i'll use (＞﹏＜) :

#𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗱 -> posts that are not daydreaming-related

#𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗶'𝘀 𝘆𝗮𝗽 𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 -> original posts

#𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗱 𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁 -> vents about madd

#𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗯𝘆𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗶 -> art i make about my paracosm or anime and stuff

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! You said that you need another vacation after this vacation, so I am not sure, how puppy situation, even if it partual custudy, affecting you ( may be you in panic when he is there and then recovering when he is not, and then round and round? ), but really, If you need another vacation, I hope you know we will be here to support you for it!

It's been nearly 4 weeks now since we got Toby so I feel like I can talk about this with a bit of a clear head.

(Talk of like an actual PTSD meltdown beneath the read-more, including self-harm mention - nothing graphic. There's zero obligation for anyone to read this, especially for folks who don't think authors should ever be honest about being people with issues):

So, I've been kind of quiet about aspects of this, but I have like severe treatment-resistant PTSD and C-PTSD, and puppies specifically are one of my triggers (especially if I'm responsible for them). The reason for that is kind of awful, and I don't really want to talk about some of the things I've experienced/been through that led to that, so let's just move onto the next part. You're kind of right anon, there has been panic while he is here lol.

As a result, I had a severe meltdown the first time I tried to adopt a dog many years ago now. Could not last 24 hours, needed weeks/months to recover.

But I've always wanted to share my life with a dog and I've been in a somewhat better space over the past year or so, and I thought I could maybe handle it better. I told myself 'if I can just get through that 24 hours I'll realise it's okay and it will all work out.' Anon I cannot tell you where this thinking came from, but it was wrong. Idk why past me was kind of naive enough to think this way but here we are.

No, after that 24 hours, it got temporarily better, and then I slammed into consecutive meltdowns, each one worse than the next, until the people around me were afraid for my life. I am still recovering from some of the harm I inflicted on myself during the last three weeks and likely will be for some time to come. The combination of a really intense PTSD relapse, as well as not being able to handle (as an AuDHD person) intense changes to my schedule basically compounded and I broke.

I made the decision to rehome Toby, and first contacted the people around me. Glen's mum said she wanted a dog, and had been specifically looking into dogs like Toby anyway, and so we decided this would be best because then I could still be involved (I love Toby to pieces).

After getting some space, I finally started to adjust, and have gone back to having Toby about 4~ days a week, with a view to going to about 6 days, with one day spent with my mum, or Glen's mum.

Today is the first day I was able to handle having him on my own for around 9.5 hours. And I'm here and able to write about it, so that's progress. He'll be here all day Sunday, and then Tues-Weds-Thurs-Friday. And from there a decision will be made as to where I'm at with my mental health etc.

I'm a bit more hopeful now that I might be able to keep him, but my PTSD is still very very bad. I'm having some nights where I'm simply not sleeping until 7.30am (even if he's not here), and my hypervigilance is crazy. Like, I am having so many auditory flashbacks it's stupid. So this is why I've been saying this break hasn't been very restful or productive. Because my mental health tanked like I detonated a landmine inside myself.

I didn't actually plan the two week break for Toby! That was just a coincidence honestly.

Unfortunately I have a lot of health conditions that respond very poorly to stress, so I'm dealing with those now too. And then additionally, in all of this, I had a breast scan / mammogram / ultrasound that has confirmed a suspicious lump I found a couple of months ago (breast cancer runs in the family), and I suspect I'm going to need a biopsy. I'll find out on Monday if that's the case. That's been in the background and hasn't been helping.

There's some other stuff going on that's not really worth talking about because these are the main things, but that's a good picture I think. It turns out 'just getting through the first 24 hours' doesn't magically make a severe PTSD trigger go away. And that forced exposure is not 'exposure therapy' - that's just reinforcing a trigger.

Anyway! I feel like I'm through the worst of it, and I am seeing glimpses of how my life could be richer if I keep getting through this. But...that's why I think another break. *smiles tiredly.* I have to wait a bit now for the PTSD / C-PTSD symptoms to settle down, and I also need to see what's kind of worsened after this. Realistically, with a relapse to this degree, it could take between 3-6 months to really start recovering, or to at least get back to where I was before December.

I hope with all my heart I can get there with Toby by my side. I love him so much.

(I want to add that Toby has never ever been in a position of harm at any point, and in fact I probably put myself in harm's way for his sake, because I wanted to provide solid continuity of care - in case anyone was worried about that).

Er so yeah! But I've picked up my writing again this week and have been able to do some like...things I'd been neglecting, and I feel more human again, I just hope I get some sleep tonight

[magpiefngrl]

mid-year book tag

Thanks for tagging me, @bloody-wonder! It's become a fun tradition to do this every year and I've been eagerly anticipating it :)

This hasn't been as prolific a year for me as the last several years have been. I've read 34 books by end of June, so about 10-20 less than I used to, and a lot of these have been rereads. The past couple of months have been super busy and I read a lot of fic, but struggled to finish novels. Fingers crossed for a better reading summer.

1. Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2024?  I haven't read a book that blew me away so far. I've mentioned some of my faves here. I did enjoy most of my reads this year, but there isn't one book that stands out. (a fic, does, though. More on that later)

2. Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2024? Dark Heir by Pacat. I was very invested, went back to read it again a week later, and it's made me very excited about the last novel.

3. New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? The Brides of High Hill by Nghi Vo is definitely on my list (this will wait for 2025). There's also a new fantasy novel called Foul Days by a Bulgarian author that I'm curious about. Finally, Rebecca Roanhorse's Mirrored Heavens comes out soon but I still haven't read the second one in the series, so it'll also have to wait.

4. Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2024? Like you, KJ Charles's The Duke at Hazard is the one I'm most eagerly waiting.

5. Biggest Disappointment? I've been reading The Master and Margarita for two months now, forcibly stopping myself from DNFing it these days, because I don't actually hate it, it's just I can't bring myself to read it. But I also want to have read it, to be done with it. Idk why I'm struggling so much. Perhaps I'm not in the mood for it and would appreciate it at a later date. Based on the title and the positive reviews, I expected something more fascinating.

6. Biggest Surprise? The above, I guess.

7. Favourite New Author? Somehow, the only new authors I've read this year are Aliette de Bodard and Lois McMaster Bujold, and Bujold is the better one of the two. (The rest of the authors were people I've read before and I knew what their writing was like.)

8. Newest Favourite Character? Miles Vorkosigan, for his cleverness and his ability to always get in trouble and then to get creatively out of it.

9. Newest Fictional Crush? Not quite a crush, but my latest obsession is Bucky Barnes, entirely because of the fic I mentioned above (Out of the Dead Land, orphaned) which gave me the worst fic hangover. It's a stucky fic, a ship that never interested me, and it gave me feral feels about Bucky; it made me go back and rewatch a few Marvel films (and I had to torrent them since I'd ended my disney subscription; in other words, I had to go to some trouble); and it was a fic I kept thinking for days after I finished it. I'm actively stopping myself from rewatching Winter Soldier again today. And yes, not a book character, but the obsession is based on a fic and he's fictional so I say he counts :)

💕Best Ship💕 I loved Asmodeus and Thuan in de Bodard's Dominion of the Fallen series. Asmodeus is a Fallen Angel who likes stabbing and torture, Thuan is a dragon prince who tries to temper down his stabby husband. Will and James from Dark Rise are also a ship I enjoyed, though I'm more interested in their past selves.

10. Book That Made You Cry? There hasn't been one this year so far. And I cry easily, and I consider books that make me cry Superior. This tells you how mid the year has been.

12. Favourite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year? I really liked Dune II but haven't read the book yet so don't know if it was a good adaptation. It was definitely a great film.

13. Favourite Review You’ve Written This Year? Have written a couple of longer reviews on GR but nothing that stands out as more creative or unique. I've been thinking about posting reviews on my website and I'd like to figure out a unique or unusual or at least a me way to do them.

14. Most Beautiful Cover? I read almost exclusively on my Kobo and pay scant attention to covers.

15. What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? Many!

The Master and Margarita! hahah sobs :((

Finish a Lymond reread

reread tgcf now that I got all the novels

Harrow the Ninth

Some more Vorkosigan novels

Vita Nostra, which I've just begun

a couple of novels I bought YEARS ago and still haven't finished

and if I can read at least one of my 60-odd unread physical books I'll consider it a triumph

Tagging anyone who wants to do this! Perhaps @skeptiquex @hoko-onchi-writes @wolfpants @lettersbyelise and @gracerene might want to get the ball rolling?

2022 mid year post

2023 mid year post

[corneliushickey]

how long have you been growing out your hair? looks gorgeous! planning to grow out my own but i keep foiling it with trims because of split ends

unbelievable to me that i opened my tumblr app to see a kind stranger asking about the only thing in the world that actually matters to me: how long my hair is.

i'm going to give you a needlessly detailed response but if you don't wanna read all that: 7 years 8 months and it (as of today!) brushes my tailbone

i grew my hair out as long as i could in high school and it got to almost my waist. i shaved it all off in summer 2013 and started growing it out from a buzzcut in summer 2014

when it reached the ugly soccer mom bob stage i got an undercut from ear to ear around the back of my head/nape of my neck, like this:

random pic off pinterest btw idk who that is

i shaved that undercut for the last time in very late december 2016 and kept my hair at shoulder length for a while waiting for the undercut to catch up

so basically since jan. 1 2017 i have been growing out my hair from bald 👨‍🦲

in 2022 i shaved the sides from my ear forward like this

very skrillex. i loved it. i had been day dreaming about this kind of sideshave for well over a decade. at this point my hair was just past my waist.

then in 2023 i extended the side shave all the way to the nape of my neck again like a death hawk. like this:

the last time i got that sideshave touched up was 12.29.24 so it's been growing out for 7 months 12 days

i do not plan to cut the rest of my hair short to match the sideshave until it reaches like... actually idk probably my waist? but the thought of having to chop my hair back to my waist makes my entire body clench painfully so maybe not who's to say

my hair grows extremely slowly. more slowly than anyone i've ever met, actually. most people in 7 years can grow their hair down to classic length (the bottom of your butt/top of your thighs) or even longer.

i think trims can be very helpful if your hair grows quickly, if you have a lot of split ends, or if you have bleached hair. actually if you have bleached hair trims are mandatory and unavoidable. for me, i prefer to do "seek and destroy" haircuts where i just bought myself a pair of sheers and i snip off the individual split ends i find whenever i find them. is this foolproof? no definitely not. will any hairstylist tell you that trims are necessary? yes. and they probably know what they're talking about. for me, my hair grows so slowly and i want it to be long so badly that idc about splits. if i noticed my ends THINNING i would get them trimmed for sure, but otherwise i am really reluctant to let anyone cut my hair.

i had a reliable stylist who i went to for years and i trusted her to give me barbie princess layers and not take any length off. she moved out of state and i'm thrilled for her but i cannot imagine trusting a stranger with my hair. especially since the last time i did so (in july 2023) i ended up having to chop 6" off my hair because she thinned out the ends so much. SIX INCHES. that's like over 2 years of growth for me.

what i really want rn is a little itty bitty undercut around my ears like this (but with no bangs):

and with how fucking annoying my grown out sideshave is i have literally been parting my hair to do this 3-4 times a week. but i am NOT allowed to get another undercut until i grow this one out for a full year 😤 which is a rule i made up for myself because otherwise i would immediately lose the will to keep at it and just do the skrillex thing again.

also if you happen to be here from my asoiaf sideblog i can tell you that i do still play the game where every time a character's hair length is mentioned i compare it to my own hair. the two people who have me beat are khal drogo (his hair in an intricate multi strand braid reaches his thighs) and aeron greyjoy i think altho i might be misremembering aeron.

TY FOR YOUR QUESTION THERE IS NO WAY YOU WANTED THIS MUCH INFORMATION XO MWAH

[musicboxmemories]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @viola-ophelia <3 Thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 58 on my primary page, 38 on my trash page, and 5 on my catch-all.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? LOL if you think I'm going to add up the word count of 101 total fics, you're crazy! So instead, I'll just say my longest fic on my primary page is 96,771, my trash page is 34,787, and my catch-all is 11,722, for a total of 143,280. So with that being for just three fics, I shudder to think what my actual word count is for 101 fics lol.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Lately, TURN: Washington's Spies, though past fandoms have been H.annibal, E.mma 2020, and The M.agicians, to name a few.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? I'm just going to stick to my main page for this:

Wake-up Call (From D.usk till D.awn: the Series) (438)

Changing Winds (S.tranger T.hings) (384)

Lost in the Dark (S.tranger Things) (284)

Anyone But You (That 70s Show) (265)

To Thaw and Burst into Bloom (S.tranger Things) (235)

^^The funny thing is, none of these were fandoms I was overly into/participated in much, but they're way more popular than my favored fandoms, which is why none of what I'm TRULY proud of is listed in my top kudos ranking. Ah well.

5. Do you respond to comments? I do! In the past, I've always made friends through reviews/reviewing, so I always respond to comments and leave comments on works I've enjoyed. :) I really wish engagement/fic friendships were more encouraged these days.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uhh, probably Folie a Deux (H.annibal) or To K.iss, to Consume (Turn). OH, and Let the Weary Rest (Turn), where I killed off Ben lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? After 2020, pretty much all of my fics had happy endings. The World is Made Wrong made me happiest though, I'd say.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I'd rather not jinx myself, but I haven't since I was a kiddo! And that hate was deserved tbh, cuz they were just telling me I wrote xyz wrong since I was a child/didn't bother to research.

9. Do you write s.mut? *gestures vaguely at my trash page* Uh. Yeah. lol I don't really have a specific type I write, beyond M/F, if that's what you're asking -- the specific scenarios are typically a case-by-case basis.

10. Do you write crossovers? I used to write quite a few! Nowadays, I save that more for things like RP and edits, though I do still enjoy them. Sometimes, crossovers work better than canon, I said what I said.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have! But I was like 13 at the time, and the person posted it in the same ship/fandom, so Idk what their plan was lol. Fortunately, they deleted it the day I reviewed.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Yes! A few times, actually (all for the H.annibal fandom).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Sure have! They're all RP-turned-fics though, cuz I've never actually asked someone to write something who wasn't an RPer themselves.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Probably David/Maddie from Moonlighting. They're timeless! <3

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I suppose my time travel romcom. It's basically me rewriting a book I've already created, but altering it for the Turn universe. Even though it's fun, it's kind of boring repurposing my old work, and most especially when there's so little engagement. I flourish on comments, alas. Other than that, I mostly tend to finish my works!

16. What are your writing strengths? An editor once told me my strengths are my dialogue and humor. She equated the first 20 pages of my book (a recent work) to a Shakespearean comedy, which really tickled me, ngl.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? World-building! I've improved with this by a lot, but I genuinely do think fic writers are conditioned to stop describing settings/appearance thanks to our audiences already KNOWING, and thus, our OG works suffer for it. Mine certainly do!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I wouldn't do it personally, since I doubt it'd translate well, but I encourage others to do it! I'll still read!

19. First fandom you wrote for? C.owboy B.ebop.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? Probably The World is Made Wrong, since I've since reworked it and I'm still very proud of how that second run-through turned out (not the one available on AO3 -- that version is in all its heinous first draft glory lol).

Tagging: @retrograderesemblance @pagetreader @ms-march @culper-spymaster and whoever else wants to!

[elizaditton]

TSTBA And Life Update

Hey everyone, I thought I'd give an update on what's going on with me and on my progress with Too Small To Be Afraid. TL;DR at the bottom for those who just want the quick deets.

I've been struggling to work on the story since the start of the summer, mainly because I got a "real" job (as part of the IT department at a local high school). Despite the fact that it's only 17.5 hours a week (3.5 hours every weekday), it was a lot more than what I was used to (which was literally doing nothing except for volunteering at various places maybe one to three times a week), and it took me a really, really long time to adjust to that mentally. I would come home dead tired and just... not feel like writing. Or doing anything at all. Sometimes I'd come home at 3:00 pm and proceed to take The World's Longest Nap™ only to wake up when it was time to go to bed anyway. Part of this, I realize, is probably the result of an undiagnosed sleeping disorder of some kind (my psychiatrist says maybe sleep apnea) mixed with ADHD telling my brain to Not Work™. But yeah, this has been a major contributing factor in my lack of writing time recently. And on top of that, I got another job working for my church on Sundays as a Production Assistant, which has so far been awesome, but it means I'm also exhausted on weekends. Not only am I working 7 hours on Sunday (setup + rehearsal + service + do all that again for the second service), but I'm also waking up at 4:30 am now at the very latest on Sundays depending on what campus I'm working at. And on top of all that, I'm still working occasionally for my old boss one Saturday out of every month until he wants me to start coming in more frequently. So all in all, I'm pretty much working every day but Saturday, except for when I'm also working on Saturday. And I do enjoy working all of these jobs, it's just that I've been struggling to adjust to working so much and how to balance that with my hobbies and my home and family life. So there's been little time for writing these past few months.

The writing club I was a part of also lowkey disbanded as we haven't been meeting for several months. (Hi if any of you are reading this, I miss you guys lol.) Before we stopped meeting, I was pumping out a new chapter at least every two weeks, and it was amazing! I was part of a group that encouraged each other to write and on top of that even edited/critiqued each other's writing. I really do miss it. The group always got me so motivated to write during the week and to write during our meetings, and I haven't felt that same joy about writing since we stopped meeting. I'm thinking I'll start another writing group, either online or at my church. Leaning towards at my church since I need in-person contact with people, but idk hit me up if you're interested in an online writer's group??? Or being a beta reader???

Lastly, something that's actually related to the story itself. The plot. Hoooooooo boy the plot. The plot is... a thing that exists. There's things I want to tie into the story that I want to be a big deal, but I'm not sure if I introduced enough elements beforehand for things to make sense if I go the route I want? Then there's the fact that I look back at the first few chapters and sort of cringe, thinking of all the things I'd change if I would let myself have at it before the first draft is done. But yeah. Things are... going. I've been very, VERY slowly but surely working on fixing up things in my outline so I know where I'm going, but yeah, all the aforementioned has kinda made it hard to actually write.

So that's where I've been. So where do we go from here?

For one thing, I'm at least somewhat confident that chapter 18 WILL come out in the next few weeks, before the end of the month. It's going to be a long one, and I hope it's worth the wait.

I previously had a goal of finishing my first draft by the end of the year, but if I'm honest, I'm thinking I won't get there until at least the spring of 2025. And then, of course, after that comes editing, revising, rewriting, and so on. I'll likely be writing at least a second draft before I even think about printing.

But can you expect me to update more regularly from now on? To be honest, I have no idea. All I know is that this book is still my dream, and I haven't given up on it yet. As long as this fire continues to burn within me, I'm going to continue to write. As long as it takes. Until it's done. But maybe starting another writing club would help hold me accountable for regular updates, ha ha.

Thank you all for your unwavering support as I've gone through this journey. Whenever I see someone's been enjoying this story, it fills me with so much joy, you don't understand. I hold every little comment close to my heart.

Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you soon with an update to the story!

TL;DR: I suddenly acquired three jobs and am very tired all the time. This combined with no accountability after my writing club lowkey disbanded has made writing difficult. I'm still writing, slowly but surely. Expect a new (and long) chapter this month for sure. Hmu if interested in starting a writing club/being a beta reader btw

[cryptidsurveys]

Tuesday, July 16th, 2024.

How have you been doing? I'm a little worn out from volunteering, but otherwise, I've been doing well. Cassie was telling me that I need to stay for a full day sometime, that way I can understand what they mean about the nonsense that goes on in the evenings. Basically, over the past few months, the time they actually get off work has been pushed farther and farther back. They're supposed to get off at 5pm, but Alex said the other day that she didn't get off until 6pm (and she already comes in ~30 minutes early). There also seems to be some growing animosity/resentment between the dog & cat people. Dog people are allegedly the hold-up. I'm not sure what changed, but it wasn't like this last summer. Cattery is usually finished early, often expected to help with the dog stuff; but when they ask for the final check to be done so they can go home, they're typically left for last.

I feel like that's eventually what will drive Cassie to quit. She had somewhere she had to be last night and they dragged things out until she was like, Yeah, I need to leave. She said it was "fine" in that situation; but in the future, when she has cheer practice, she's not going to be able to wait around for them because cheer won't take work as an excuse for being late. Also, I was told that Lucy might be looking for another job. Lucy told Cassie she wasn't going to quit until she found one, but after her absence last weekend, she might have just decided to go for it.

I know I'm essentially backseat managing here, lmao, but they really need to get ahead of this turnover issue. Since I started volunteering again last summer, they've lost something like 15 employees.

Anything you're looking forward to? Hopefully going for a picnic at the Mountain Park tomorrow. I haven't been there since last autumn, which is way too long. There's a certain rock in a certain stream that I just need to lie down on for a while.

Do you or anyone you know play the violin? No.

Do you have a nice view out of the closest window? It's just a view of some houses. And today, some construction. They're doing idk what on the corner diagonal from us.

What is one of your favorite breakup songs? I don't think I'm really a fan of any breakup songs.

Do you know anyone named Georgia or George? No.

What age did you learn how to ride a bike? Without training wheels? I think I was around 6 years old.

Are you currently listening to music or watching TV? I'm not. Sometimes I will listen to music while taking surveys, but it just feels like a bit much atm.

What is your morning routine? On volunteer days: depending on the day, get up somewhere between 5:15-5:45am. I'm usually awake a bit before that, though, so I just lie in bed and listen to something on YouTube. Shower, get dressed, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, gather the remainder of my things, talk with my dad for a bit. Then, depending on the day, leave somewhere between 6:20-6:45am.

On Wednesday: wake up, brush my teeth, make myself presentable, go grocery shopping, then come home and eat breakfast.

On Saturday: wake up whenever I feel like it, make breakfast, clean my bedroom, and make some art.

Are you someone who gets easily agitated by hearing someone chewing? No. It doesn't tend to bother me.

What was the last text you sent? It was a text to my mom. We might be going to see Despicable Me 4 on Saturday, and I was like, "I'll finally find out what all those little yellow minions are about."

What did you last have to eat? Some mixed veggies with sriracha sauce and a cheese and jalapeno sandwich.

What's your favorite kind of oatmeal/porridge? If we're talking about the flavored pouches, then probably brown sugar, birthday cake, strawberry, or peach. However, I typically use plain oatmeal as my base and use fruit, peanut butter, etc, to flavor it from there.

Have you ever ate a whole pizza in one sitting? I don't think so…maybe a half, though…? In elemntary school, we used to have pizza days on Friday (was it weekly? monthly? I can't recall); if you didn't "flip a card" (their disciplinary system), then you could pay some small $ amount that I no longer recall and get a half/full pizza, a cookie, and drinks.

What are some things you are grateful for? Volunteering. Even with all the drama, I can't imagine giving it up. I feel like it's a good exercise in detachment (not that I'm so detached, lmao; I'm obviously here dishing the constant tea). Like, if you ever just want to be an observer without any real expectations or responsibility for the system as a whole, go volunteer somewhere. It's an interesting experience… It's helping me learn to step back, stop trying to control everything, and just sort of let everything play out the way it will. It's not that I've given up all autonomy to the flow, but seriously, sometimes it helps to really see just how little of this teeming, chaotic world has anything to do with me. Thought I was going to make a difference; instead, found out what a cosmic speck I am. Maybe not what I wanted, but definitely what I needed. Still a speck, but now a free speck.

What's the last thing you done while outside? Drive, I guess.

How often do you do laundry? Every few days. It just depends on how quickly it piles up.

Have you already had your birthday this year? Yes, back in March. Which feels like forever ago. June 1st feels like it was last week, but March feels like it was last year.

Last thing you done before this survey? Vacuum the living room and dining room.

Do you like sleeping with multiple pillows? I have multiple pillows on my bed, but I only sleep with one.

How many candles do you have in your bedroom? A couple.

What emojis have you used the most here recently? D; and :')

What color is your favorite shirt? I don't have a favorite shirt, but my favorite hoodie is black.

Do you currently smell food cooking? No. Oh, but at the shelter earlier, I walked out of cattery to go to the bathroom and it smelled like someone was cooking hot dogs with ketchup or something. Come to find out it was ant killer. What a wild smell for such a thing…like luring them to a picnic or something…

If you were given $1,000 to spend at one store. What's your store of choice? Walmart (groceries).

How much sugar do you consume on a daily basis? Idk.

Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? Yeah. Well, it's custard, but same basic deal. It's from Culver's. Strawberry cheesecake and mint choco-chip.

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "chaos"? Chaos theory, chaos magicians…etc.

Do you own anything that has an animated character on it? Somewhere.

Have you used a microwave today? Yeah.

What's the last book you read? Still in the midst of the third Dune book. I haven't picked it up in a while, though. I just haven't felt much like reading lately.

What's something that always makes you cringe? Idk.

What's a word or phrase you say a lot? My toxic trait is that I'm blind to my own annoying catchphrases.

What's something that always makes you emotional? Music. Not always in a good/cathartic way. Sometimes in an overwhelming/spiraling way.

How many times have you changed clothes today? Twice. From pajamas to volunteer clothes and back to pajamas.

What's on your mind currently? Just how busy this next week-ish feels. I hope I don't get a migraine…

In what ways have you changed over the past year? So many ways.

Do you really care about others opinions of you? Ehhhhh. Much less than I used to, but still to some extent.

What's your favorite pasta? Spirals, bowties, macaroni elbows.

Do you currently see anything yellow? Some watercolor flowers I painted.

What did you last try to do and failed? Not sure.

Does your bathroom have a certain theme or color scheme? Not really.

If you have Netflix or any streaming service.. what's your favorite shows to stream? N/a.

Are you currently wearing anything red? No.

What was the last thing that caught your eye while shopping? I'm not sure.

What's a social media site you have no interest in? Twitter, Facebook, Tik Tok…I don't even know what's out there these days because I don't keep up.

Have you ever tripped and fallen in a public place? Yeah.

When did you last buy a dairy product? Last Wednesday.

What's the last song you sang out loud? I'm not sure.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary203

4/5-6/2024

friday - saturday

annoyed.

my gf had me go out with our friend because he successfully defended his thesis today. i didn't think i would but i was persuaded and i stood around in a club i didn't really want to be in for 2 hours listening to music that was either okay or decent but i wasn't enthused. i liked everyone i knew there but i didn't really have anything to say. i just didn't feel there or want to be there.

today i also got asked by my coworker to spot her some money, 30 dollars, i have 24 laying around, i say yeah. she says, don't tell anyone and that's weird but it seems like a shame thing. so like, other people are around, i don't get to, or she doesn't let me. it seems easy to explain that she can't pay a phone bill or something to them, but maybe she's done this in the past and they have no sympathy. i just feel like i should be good for one favor probably. after that i am kind of spent, with everyone mostly, or at least with money. i tell this to my gf and she's like sure yeah.

but then when i bring up that i'll have to probably go over there w/ friends to just hand her the money she says like, why are you doing that, whatever, not in a jealous way, just like, what if we need money and like we aren't doing well i guess but every time i try to talk about it with her, if i need to keep my job for longer than i think to offer money up, pay for something, she says no. straight up no, it's not important that i do that. it's detrimental to her even for me to have a job because it makes me prickly and exhausted.

she does that in front of people, which makes me panic because it seems like we've been in the middle of a crisis and that she's trying to make me look bad on a night i didn't even want to come out for. i just got off work when she called, i had to go home and get myself ready for a second time today, and then i just stood around while people drank and i did nothing. which is fine that's the life i've made for myself basically. but it upsets me that she'd spring it on me out of nowhere like that.

when we got home i was like, what was that, are we fucked, what is going on, why would you spring it on me like that and catastrophize, and she was just like, sorry, i guess.

she feels worse than that but i don't know. i don't feel like i'm very cruel for being upset about this. it's not like i need or want anyone to validate me either, i just want to put the thoughts here, to see where i feel tomorrow i guess. this is the first 'large' argument we've had in a while. i ask her like once a week if i need to keep my job and pay for something, it's routine and it seems to bother her, but i keep doing it because i am so not in the loop about money because she decides i'm too anxious and stupid to deal with it, but then she brings it up in a way that's like, socially humiliating or something? like i don't know. it's pointed to do it like that and maybe she doesn't even realize, i imagine she doesn't, but this is the kind of thing being raised by her mother would bring out, as in, it's just a kind of behavior she learns and it's not like i can really even blame her, or maybe it's not even fair to say it's learned. i know it's a real anxiety, but it's such a failure to talk to me seriously. idk.

and then before then she spent the whole night trying to have fun with me by grabbing my arms and touching me and i kept saying no and it took until like the 5th fucking time each time to get her to stop. i wanted to not be touched. i don't care if it makes me cold i am just like that sometimes i don't want to be touched all of the time i can't handle it, it feels bad sometimes, like painful and like bugs crawling on me. it's anyone that can do this, anyone on earth will make me feel like that and it's not some issue with her. it's me but i'd like it to be respected or something.

there's other stuff today too that's not a relationship drama. i mean most of our day was good together, what little there was because i spent most of my time at work. we saw our friend who defended his thesis earlier, or she brought him over before i left. that was nice. i liked seeing her then. i liked seeing her in the club even though i wasn't having fun and she was irritating me sometimes.

and then i wanted to work on music stuff today but i just have no time and people are coming over tomorrow. i feel hurried and bothered.

as soon as i got home i had like 2 people texting me anxiously as i was trying to get ready, my gf and co worker. my gf was trying to get an uber to me, or our friend got it and then she was coordinating, and my co worker just desperate about me trying to get to work tomorrow to give her 24 dollars. my gf is crazy if she thinks i want to do this but it's like, if someone is asking me of all people for help, and not their parents, not other people, they must either be scared of something or just not getting any other help, which makes me feel bad and it's not like this cash was in any fund for anything. it was literally my money, untethered to any plans of any kind. i don't want anything from me helping her, i literally just want to know that her life is less bad or something, this is the minimum i can do for anybody and it makes me feel awful i can't do it most of the time.

if i consider what she said from her side, which i really should, it is obviously the kind of thing where she's just talking and joking like, oh why help her, she has parents, haha, and like yeah, it's funny and i should have said no but i didn't, so i am on the hook and as easy as it is to get off the hook it's like, that's happened to me too much to want to keep it going, not even with money just in general, people fall through, they are flakes, i would like to not be. at the same time she said something not really thinking (drunk), she really hurt my feelings, or upset me in multiple ways beyond hurt feelings. it's not fun to have to put this in front of other people, i don't think it's noble or worth anything, it's not even the amount she needs it's just literally the most i can spare as it's not sitting in my bank account, it is purely liquid and never accounted for, it sat here for weeks. if my gf needed it she could have taken it, if i needed it, i could have used it.

but the money is not the important part, it's that she was just trying to joke and dissuade me from helping, and that it came out relatively bad to me, she is probably right that no one else will think about it but i also wonder like, what is with the impulse to air it out like that anyways. whatever. i just don't want to be mad at her and i guess i'm not, she is probably upset at me for being upset at a failed joke but i don't really feel wrong for it. just like i should have let it go easier or something. but idk. on some level i feel like i can never tell her how i feel about anything. if i do, she takes it mega personal, which she is now, and it's always been that way. i feel trapped by it, i can't do anything about it.

anyway, reading was good. i am liking the hito steyerl essays more, and foucault is insightful as always, he got to the inquisition as an early example, or maybe not example, just vision of the disciplinary structures that would arrive, an antecedent of the panopticon in ways, but still very different as it organized nature, created natural sciences and enabled the exploitation of that domain, the panoptic structure does this for 'the human'. one thing caught me, is lodged in this book is something rather anti-hegelian i guess, or against the dialectic, it's a very simple thing, but given that these ideas of the sovereign aren't really excised so much as repurposed, for instance the parade as expression of discipline, the ritual still in some way points to the sovereign, as well, the sovereign is now managed, not kings literally but a sovereignty and right of individuals, this is developed and managed via methods of coercion, very interesting, as it posits not a real humanization of things, an improvement, but a method of retention and recycling. or perhaps this is my incorrect and strange reading and i am actually quite stupid.

i am stupid, aren't i.

so that is where i am at. i guess i'm going to listen to the album tomorrow, see how it sounds, maybe try another sequencing of it, and then, idk, take notes i guess.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[feuqueerfire]

23.5 Eps 9 - 12 Live Blogging

well... I started watching an on-air show after a long time (February 2023 Never Let Me Go, I'm not counting Our Skyy 2) and I really just binged the first 8 episodes and fell off lol. Interestingly, I also had to binge the last 4 eps of NLMG because I stopped keeping up weekly after ep 8 (though I did watch eps 4 - 8 on a weekly basis before that).

Anyway, I wasn't feeling a Need to come back to this show because I found the resolution to Ongsa-Earth underwhelming and the reaction I've seen to these last few episodes has also been middling, so hmm idk. I'm also just not in the mood for high school shows right now (I Will Knock You is also on-hold rip), so it feels a bit unfair to this show to watch it when I'm not in the mood but what can you do? I don't want to leave it hanging even after the show ends.

Ep 9: When The Earth Tilts (May 22/23)

9-1

aughhh I really don't know if I should make myself just watch this or not because they're being cute but I just... kinda don't care. I'm indeed in the mood for something more dramatic but I also think I'm just apathetic toward them the way I became toward Akk and Ayan as soon as The Eclipse finished airing and also to Palm and Nueng toward the end of the show (although I loveeee Palm and Nueng now after some time has passed, so maybe that'll be the case here too?)

the introduction of the exchange program

Oh, dad and Ongsa just moved to Bangkok and they're getting to live as a full family, so I guess Alpha and mom lived here before

Aw, Aylin interacting with them and forcing her mouth to do smiles to try to fit in/communicate with human family

I... watched 10 mins the whole day, rip

am I being unnecessarily harsh on this show or does the conversation not seem... natural between Onsga and Sun like it's just a bike riding scene and it should be fine but why am I just like... this isn't how people talk.

at first I was like nooo Ayling shouldn't need to put on makeup to fit in the way she was trying at lunch with Alpha and Ongsa but it's cute if she wants to do it herself before meeting with Luna heh

khun faen hehe

pls not the two pairs competing

9-2

aw, Teacher Nida and Bambam helping an insecure Alpha

9-3

chef Alpha omg

no more P'Ton flirting, we have progressed past the need for P'Ton flirting

Aylin basically pieing his face was so deserved, idc that Ton helped Ongsa and Sun or whatever, he's annoying

oh nooo my poor overwhelmed Aylin

9-4

1 year scholarship to America

and now the guilt of Alpha telling Sun to not leave Ongsa, oh no

is this their first I love you? I can't remember

ahhhh the towel scene + kisses

lol I know how the scene ends because of spoilers but I would've lost my damn mind while waiting if I didn't know lol

I wasn't really into it at the start of this ep but I liked it again by the end!

I didn't mind Luna asking Aylin to socialize more with her family because it's a fairly small step since she already spends time with them and I think it'd be good for Aylin to push herself a bit out of her comfort zone and realize the benefits of maintaining relationships but the stuff at the end was too much, like why must Aylin sit at the table for lunch with a bunch of Luna's friends when she already struggles with people? I hope Luna thinks it through more next ep and apologizes but I'm nervous that that won't be the case based on some fan reactions, though idk if that was to ep 9 or ep 10.

Ep 10: (May 23/24)

10-1

plss Alpha with the knife truly is so funny

ah, Sun's out to her parents + they know Ongsa's her gf but Ongsa didn't know they knew everything

...not keeping secrets

and vaguely hypothetically asking about distance and time

10-2

secrets plaguing Aylin and Sun

oh, Sun's telling Ongsa. and she hasn't even taken the test yet and doesn't know if they'll make it. honestly a pretty good time to get Ongsa, no misunderstandings or really much secrecy yet

10-3

Teacher Bambam and Nida lmfaooo Bambam reading all the tarot cards correctly but not picking up on them being about HER!!

I feel like we've been finally learning more about Sun these past 2 eps through this scholarship and her desire for it

DON'T GIVE UP SCHOLARSHIP AND EXCHANGE PROGRAM AND NEW EXCITING EXPERIENCE FOR THIS RANDOM HIGH SCHOOL RELATIONSHIP

not even TESTING for the scholarship?!?! girl pls

I went to bed and was supposed to watch the last part before going to sleep but I didn't feel like watching Sun out Ongsa (maybe? based on a bit of the Next Part teaser at the end) so I'm here the next morning

10-4

my Aylin !!! :(

but also like... is it that big of a reveal that Aylin was bullied? feels like More should've been said or explored here?

I'm gonna smack Ton

the teachers confession!! hehe

Ongsa's right to tell Sun to pursue her exchange program dreams

okay Sun's outing of Aylin was accidental and I'll give it a pass because she's a teenager who has grown up in a very accepting home and they're all out at school, so she didn't think before mentioning the 3rd wheeling thing

but she should realize that Ongsa's trying to steer the conversation away and back off

instead of confronting Ongsa and outing her in front of her parents and wtf is "so you're never gonna tell them about me?" why is 'never' coming up here? you've barely been dating bruh and haven't discussed anything. like she could've been upset at Ongsa for keeping her a secret without feeling the need to declare it in front of her parents when Ongsa doesn't want to come out

and then just Leaving and riding away on P'Sunny after doing all that?!?!?

I've seen that Ongsa's the one who has to apologize to Sun apparently and I don't want to watch that at all.

Ep 11: (May 24)

11-1

indeed you should've been mad at finding out Ongsa's Earth, would've made more sense than here.

NO MORE TON, ENOUGH

11-2

do I care about Tin and Mawin? I cared more earlier on in the show but now idk

why is there so much Ton, he and Charoen better not end up together like she literally does not like that man

I don't really get the 'you don't understand me at all' thing tbh

11-3

parental acceptance

another series mention of worrying about disappointing the parents

the thing is I just feel like coming out isn't only about "you worry too much about what others think" like that's not the same category as Ongsa not telling anybody about Sun and her dating because Sun's popular while she's not. It has more to do with possible pushback and violence from her own family where she didn't feel safe enough to come out. and i just don't like that coming out and being publicly with a girl is treated as the same thing as 'caring too much about other people'

and like make your home and environment a very explicitly queer-accepting space so that your daughter isn't so afraid of coming out to you and doesn't know what reaction to expect wtf

11-4

losing my entire mind at the Luna/Aylin scene, they're soooo cute, I'm soooo giddy hehehehehehe

Sun's parents at least telling her to not change for the one she loves

and Sun says sorry too

long-distance incoming, i'm guessing we'll get some time skip next ep

So close to the finale, finally

Ongsa sending Sun Hundreds of texts and going to her home at night is why. at least Sun called her out on the texts + acting unhinged publicly about the sun, but why have her go to Sun's house at night while Sun's explicitly ignoring her and knock and text and stuff. at least Alpha was taking her away but still. I'll overlook it (kinda how I still was so into PaiSky in Love In The Sky despite Pai's endless SIMs and calling) but it's been noted.

Ep 12: Promise Me... Sun (May 24)

It's a shame that my feeling is glad that I'm almost done rather than being sad about reaching the end.

12-1

Aylin, I freaking love youuuuuu, cutieeeeeee

12-2

terrible cook Ongsa, so true, same girl

12-3

the merch alien hat

at least we're not getting Ton with Cheroen

12-4

Grade 11... were they in grade 10 before?

the separation being in the literal last part is later than I expected

Aylin putting the Luna love note in her mouth hehehe

Nida/Bambam plssss lmfaoo

no! Ton and Charoen are not in love, leave her aloneeeeeeeeee

Aylin is such a trickster when it comes to getting kisses hehehehehehhe

no more glasses for Ongsa, I saw this on a Tumblr post and was like ?! >:(

reunited

Overall:

GMMTV's first GL and MilkLove's first full GL; I was super excited, especially after having watched MilkLove in Bad Buddy and the Magic of Zero special, which is why I started watching this on-air (thought I'd start it even earlier than ep 8 but didn't because of exams). So it's a shame that I feel so... nothing about the show, especially the main couple; I think Aylin/Luna is my fave ship in here. I think I also just wasn't much in the mood for a silly high school romance series right now, which isn't the show's fault but contributed to why I didn't feel the pull to continue watching the show. When I did watch it, it could get pretty cute though, I giggled/gushed a few times, especially about Luna and Aylin. The teachers' storyline was cute too, though barely there. Aylin was the MVP for sure.

Rating: 6/10

[boxwinebaddie]

hi uncle nina!! i hope youre doing okay! i would love a life update. i was also wondering who you think initiates more, jerseykyle or ravenstan? and thats for everything. like kisses, cuddles, and sbst 🤭

eeeee! allo, moya nonneshka! c': <3 xxxx

but before i tornado-type myself into a tizzy and lose my train of thot: thank you so SO much for checking on me, babycakes! :) MWAH!!!

like ( i'm soz ), but the fact that, oof...has it been Several Weeks Now? ( yikes! execute-ive dysfuncle nina strikes again! :/ ) where day in and day out, the only thing i've been servin y'all up is...a big, heapin bowl of: 'go on girl! Give Us NOTHING!,' -- and you were Still willing to take time out of your busy irlife to worry about mine?! tldr; Angel Behavior! heaven wants you back btw, but that's too bad; i'm keeping you. <3

also tysm for the rest of your v precious message as well, lovie~ your... press(h)age? oop...that is,, horrifYINg? ok, what about: thank for your...messcious? ur preshmesh! ya mesh, presh! ...your blessage? you know like *marj vc* your...blessed mess? ( can we tell that i spend too much gd time assisting k-garten and trying to say things like:

'wooooah there, girlpool! no need to get atatudie w/ me, jude-ring! i mean, gee, if i didn't know any better...i'd say it sounds like someone caught...A BAAAD Vibe! uh oh! cowabummer, dude! but thats ok! just be sure to grab a tissue and blow ur nose bc i didnt achoochooocaChoose the rules; i just enforce 'em, booboo kitty!' <3

kssds like...can you tell my skull tell is gettin so soft that you'll prolly be able to stick a straw thru it soon? ( can't lie tho, bbkit is my fav like *me but over it* alr! no cryin in baseball, booboo kitty! Game Time! )

but anyways! onto my life update ( ft. how i've doing for the past few weeks ) which, when i tell y'all i have been waiting for a slow-ment to come along so i can just...catch my breath and catch up, but its been

...A MESS.

sigh.

( alright, fair warning, i HAVE TO ANSWER YOU CANON HC QUES IN ANOTHER ASK BUT I KNOW THE ANSWER!!!! so i will get it done asap, my friend, but i have to seperate them...so this is just nina talks abt skool and how she's been doin...ravesey can go in diff ask. )

but anyways, in essence; i'm busy pretty much every day from 5am in the morning when i am up until probably 4-5pm everyday depending on what prep i have to work out with my lead teacher ( who is a very sweet mid forties early fifty y/old lady who always makes sure i eat breakfast ), as well as getting to and from my job site particularly towards the end of the day...which is not easy when ur a lame, boof, no driving ass bitch like me.

( which, i know talk a lot of shit on myself about it...but oddly enough; i am proud of myself for knowing my limits, valuing my comfort and being the ceo of the bus and slaying on public transport. xx )

but all this to say, i love my job! my lead teacher ( aka educ major slang for the teacher who's class you assist in ) is literally such a nice lady and she has been teaching me so much! i was having a little difficulty getting in the groove because the summer camp kinders aka the children actually taking kindergarten in the fall are pre-kinder basically so they're like...t-k or preschool, almost? which....ooooough.

( i must confess ) i have a age/limit with teaching.

and it's having to do bathroom/mommy anything.

like i’m…ur aunt/unc, your older sister, mom's sbf, but i am noooooot your mom, lol! i am not super maternal. like there was a little girl who on week one was askin for mommy ( which was already driving me NUTS ) but on week three was still doing it and crying i was like...

*me on the playground vc* hEY BATTA BATTA SWING BATTA!!! YOU WANNA GO HOME BB? ME TOO GIRL! YKNOW WHAT? IF U HIT A HOME RUN RN AND YOU CAN GO HOME OTHERWISE! nO CRYIN IN BASEBALL BOOBOO!KITTYGIRL!! STAND UP SOLDIER!!

...but yeah, idk. kindergarten/pre-k has been fun, but i'm more of an older sister-adjacent type teacher who likes to wear crazy outfits, draw you pictures even if i pop a blood vessel in my eye drawing all night bc i think its nice when the kids get excited haha, if you talk while i'm talking, i really will pretend to get my stuff and leave like 'i'm sorry, i thought you were gonna teach the class!', wear all the stickers on my face...all of them especially the really big ones,

will tell u the picture u drew for me is so much better than the baloney pizza whatev that one blue ninja turtle painted, idk, and fall to my knees like ( bonus points if i have no idea what it is ), but if you give me attitude later about putting the toys away and taking your letters out, ill pretend to EAT the sticker i was gonna put on ur work.

( uncle nina stop being a CLOWN, i cannot stop, like omfg so the other day...a TINY five old girl's jacket was brought in for this girl in my class....and tell me why i said! Oh Sorry! That's Mine! ;) AND PRETENDED TO PUT IT ON AND MODEL IT???? HEEELP. my KIDS were dYING!!! my lead teacher was lafffffin, skds. that jacketless little girl was like >:( miss nina thats My Jacket! and i was like, you know what, baby! you are so right...Mine Is Smaller. <3 KLHSLKHKLDSD )

i...did not always use to be like this. i used to be a mousy, nervous gal, who let the sweet, lovely, very loud children walk all over me...BUT! i've been around the block! aka! i've have a block thrown at my head! AND A STAPLER!!!!!! ( that was my favorite kid btw, thx, stink! )

but yeah, a soft-spoken queen in my class asked me if you just 'stop feeling anxious when you're an adult' and i was like N! O! baby! it doesn't get easier when your an adult, but in order to teach you guys things, i have to be brave enough to talk to you and try my hardest! i still get super nervous talking to new people, i get nervous when i think i put my sock on wrong...but that doesn't mean, we should give up! i think you should go right up to a new friend and tell them hi, my name is Blank and my sock feels funny. do u wanna look at it. BOOM.

but also just because...ah, jeez. very cute, the children are...but the nina i was two years ago would be picking kids markers off the floor, packing my kids backups up for them, carrying their things...no, girl. they know better than that. like i specifically have a little girl, who istg, is very stan coded because she wants to do the right thing, but she's a really bad listener, i have to tell her stuff like 749374093 times,

wants me to help her with everything because she's nervous she's gonna mess up ( which, baby i love u but i can't print every letter for you ) and wears impractical things to school, ( which i feel like stan would do...like take 749374930 light up toys and weird pens ) so you know i gotta give her the little 'girl, you can do; i believe in you' and then come back when she's done and go oKAAaY mAdaME??! MISS INDEPENDENT OVER HERE GETS TWO STICKERS FROM ME!!!!!

and conversely, we got kyle coded kids, like, i had a little girl ( my class has had a lotta girls rotate into it idk ) who was smarter than god, but my gooooodness, THAT LITTLE GIRL TRIED IT EVERYDAY! ( she’s a ken n cart too ) i popped my eye blood vessel for that lil lady! bc she RUSHED ME! but no, she was a smart cookie, so she knew that so she used to give to try and cut deals with me, or put stuff on other kids tables or whiiiine and baby, i might have been born at night but...

NOT YESTERDAY NIGHT!

she is going to dismantle whatever kindergarten class she gets put into...best of luck. she is probably going to be our president someday. her vocabulary was bigger than mine. sending light out to that girl.

but okay, i have to end this soon but...i am doing a lot! we have a different theme in my class every week: last week was dinosaurs! we did safari animals, bugs, deep sea creatures, next week....*sigh*

Is Sports. ( y....ay! )

so if i am not around...I AM PROBABLY TIRED! like i didn't want to get into it too much bc it's a lot but the week that i lead teach, like...i did not sleep for two days...i was very sick, it was very, very bad. which is not to say that's gonna happen again but...it's like, i want to post and i want to be present, but when i throw all my energy out there to the little people, i come home spent most of the time...so it's hard to get my fingers to crawl across the computer to do an ask meme or be present when i should rly cook dinner or do some dishes, yknow?

all this to SAY...i am here, but i am...There. i also took such a long break from writing, i am a little scared that i don't know...how to anymore? aaaaa??? but i think i should probably sit down and write ONE THING ONLY ( so if u have one thing u really wanna see hmu ),

i'll probably pop in to do updates every so often, maybe an hc ask a bigger ask if i finish it, but i am busy again starting monday. i will try to keep giving u an rm fun fact if i can remember, but please know, i would love to be here and i wish i could write more...but it's a lot all at once...also? i really did enjoy my break. <3 always take breaks. if i am not around, i promise i am okay! i am probably just being teacher nina, trying to better my life or i am a little tired and need a second.

either way don't be a stranger, and send me stuff any time! i am going to try and go back to answering stuff that's in there again.

-uncle teacher nina, ceo of boo boo kitty...

...girls, boys and children....

Everywhere.

p.s. i hope this wasn't too much info, haha! i hope it was fun its nice to be able to tell you guys about parts of my life! if you ever want pictures or have questions, as long as they aren't too invasive, specifically bc of my student's safety, i will answer em! <3

[chevvy-yates]

Alright, I thought about it last night a bit.

I may just stop forcing myself to do the usual 'male v monday' 'shippy saturday' 'thirsty thursday' 'wip wednesday' stuff (I mean I can't even manage to keep up with that either) and instead post whenever I want, like I do on Friday already when everyone is posting their gorgeous females but I (if I post) do post my boys since I do not have any female oc.

I don't know if I'll completely abandon the tags for it or not. it's gonna be more: if I manage to post on that day, I'll add it, if not, I'll reblog and then tag it with the tag or sth like that.

I will still try and take my at least 30min of time a day (mostly after work around 6pm German time) to browse tblr. Queue often makes noe sense to me, sometimes I use ib when I feel I've reblogged to much in a row already but I do not tage anything that will come from my queue so you won#t even notice that it was queued.

I've also set a few blogs on receive notifications so I do not miss any new posts. I love that feature! But sometimes I have to stop using it if a blog keeps posting like every 1h through the day which will give me 24 notes a day on my phone - forcing me to look and I can't do that. I need to find some balance somehow. Still a thing to figure out to have it healthy.

I do not want to abandon looking at content because you all create so many cool things, but in this fandom, as I already said it so many times: it is just so hard to keep up with it. So please do not be mad about me or think I do not like your stuff (anymore) because I've not liked/reblogged a thing lately of your content. I often feel very 'unmenschlich' (inhuman?) when I can't find time to give some love to others work bc I receive so much from all of you, therefore I want to give it back as well.

Idk how you manage having 4+ ocs btw. I with my 4 boys feel like I abandon at least one for too long (rn it is Vijay - and it makes me so incredibly sad, no one will probably understand). But I have to keep telling myself, he will receive a whole lot of attention and love again. However, this month is for Thyjs, because he's having his birthday soon (13th) and so I will focus on him in the first place.

I decided to slide in Jaysen for something else yesterday (because spontaneous things still happen) and I'll hopp in to take a bunch of pic of him as well once my writing here is done, bc he's modeling for some new real cool pants. And then I go back to my soldier boy doing the same (if I can manage bc taking pic … takes time xD).

What elese?

I'll just need to find a balance when I do at least answer roleplay or do story writing because this also I feel very bad about It gets neglected the most, mainly because I've never been a writer. But I find such joy in it and I feel like a bad person that my rp partner always has to wait such long time until I answer. Some days I'd just love to thorw literally everything aside and just do rp 24h nonstop (we all know this doesn't work) because I love love love this story that developed in the past year and when I think about it I'm just so hyped to share it one day but it's a lot of work to do. It's gotten something like a lifetime project by now?

And I need to stop hording my drafts. Its getting ridiculous …

[genderplanet]

I think I lost every single person I can tell these things to so I'm reverting to my younger self and venting on tumblr:

1. I'm currently losing my job, I have no higher education so other job prospects in months/year of layoffs is just so minimal. I have no idea how ill feed myself or my cat. My chronic pains and fatigue and other health issues are detoriating

2. My mom is virtually disabled for past few months and definitely losing her job once she's back from rehabilitation/sanatorium. Her job is extremly physically demanding and she lost parts of her organs due to medical malpractice (idk when and if my mom gonna sue the hospital). So I have no idea how much later on I'll have to put myself into this. I'm already so exhausted as it is from these past months due to this shit. I hate doctors.

3. I've been in this weird peusdo whatever the fuck situationship for soon 2 years I think. She's been breaking all my boundaries and I had to sit through it all constantly in emotional pain, but last what seemed fun conversation I asked something invasive and now it's just she gets to tell me that we're gonna limit interactions n stuff like I'm so sorry but I'd rather have this highly disatisfactory and self destructive situationship than alone because I quite literally dont have anyone else and I'm unable to connect with anyone in a healthy manner so if she can handle my shit I'm happy about as far as it can go. Even if it hurts I'd rather have that than nothing.

4. I need to see my doctor again due to my heart problems. And now I think I mightve had some sort of a stroke or something two years ago. At the same time I hope I ☠️ bc of it.

5. I still have left overs of my debt for college which is suffocating me bc for past 4yrs I barely have money to eat but more properly so I have no idea how much more that debt grew in these years but it mightve doubled. And I still can't do shit about it.

6. Spent past half a year feeling quite ☠️dal and now for past almost a week that's all I can think about day in and out.

[rubberduckyrye]

So. A couple of things. Nothing insane just, been thinking. And feeling kind of down, about a loss of a fixation, loss of interest, ectect.

I saw a meta analysis of Kokichi posted on my dash, and I read it... and felt nothing. I agreed with some points, disagreed with others, but I didn't feel anything regarding the character or DRv3 as a whole. Not about Kokichi, not about anything. I've just, fully lost interest.

I never even finished playing DRS. I just, lost complete interest in it. I don't even really have any desire to replay V3 to "reignite the spark' so to speak. I just feel kind of... indifferent.

And sometimes, I wonder how long I've truly felt this way. How long I was lying to myself in suggesting I was interested still, or something akin to that.

And it's really sad, to feel nothing over something that used to bring you such comfort or joy. To feel nothing over a game I made some incredible friends with. Like Even for Undertale and NiGHTS I still have mild interest in these games. I could easily pick up Undertale and replay it if I wanted to. Same for NiGHTS.

But for V3... I don't know. I have the physical ability to, but I just don't want to. As if something about it feels just... plain exhausting about it. Like I got burnt out or burned by it and I'm not even sure by what or how. It wasn't working on fanfics or fanart, because the character I made in Kokichi is still a character I feel attached to and love dearly. I'm probably going to draw him up a design at some point, even. My specific interpretation of Kokichi isn't going away, just, evolving into something new.

So, is it just a burnout from how long I was hyperfocused on the game? The huge amount of meta Analysis I did that made me watch the game over and over again? Nothing outrageous that I can remember like, happened to me specifically that burned me, yet I still feel like I was burned. I really can't tell you why.

Still, it's sad to see a hyperfixation go, regardless of the reason. Especially one that lasted for so much longer than most others. It's kind of a scary thing to admit to as well--that I've just, moved on to something new.

And that's kind of life for you, isn't it? Life moves on. New things fade in as old ones fade out.

Maybe one day I'll come back to DRv3 with less of a tired mind, but maybe not. Maybe this is how I always feel about moving on from a past fixation/when I'm in denial about it.

I guess the saddest part is that it leaves a hole in my chest too. It's not like I want this. I want to be interested! I want to find that spark that made me love the series! But it just feels... gone.

Idk. I just feel pretty sad overall tonight so I'm probably over thinking things.

But I'm still sad, never the less. Like watching your friend walk on a train, knowing that it's the last time you'll see them. It feels like parting ways.

I guess this sounds silly but. It's 4 in the morning. So.