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anonbeadraws · 5 years ago

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So I caved and with @spacespectres help made an avatarsona! With a big chunky statement to go with it! (Trigger warnings for homophobia/transphobia, conversion therapy, death and parental abuse. Everyone gets just desserts though.)

‘I’m, actually not sure why I’m here. You can’t help me, my son is gone and the police arn't saying it but - I’m sorry, my ears are- It’s like- You know those alarms, the ones that are made to disperse kids at shopping centres, keep them from causing trouble- not that i think they work. you see more of them these days, scruffy and dirty, what their parents doing, i don’t- Anyway, it’s like that noise, that high buzz. it’s meant to be that, as you get older, your brain tunes it out, adults aren’t meant to hear it anymore, just keep on shopping without hoodlums hanging about outside smoking and throwing shit at the elderly. I don’t miss that, Ben’s smoking, i’ll say that. That’s awful to say, i bet you’re thinking, god how terrible, her child’s missing and she’s moaning about a few nicotine stains on the ceiling.

I know theres plenty that would call me a terrible mother anyway, i know the neighbours didn’t agree with my decision, the decision of a single mother, who struggled enough just to keep her child fed and watered and out of trouble, to then struggle to keep him from wearing my lipstick when i was out of the house-! I have no problem with the gays. I want to say that, have that clear. I just know, what he was doing, that wasn’t my Ben, that wasn’t my son and, the Helping House was what he needed. I’m his mum, i know what he needed, don’t care what his dad says. he wasn’t here, he wasn’t here to raise Ben, so he doesn’t-

The pamphlet was so nice, so professional and i checked it out online, all 5 stars, apart from the odd protester sticking his oar in, and it was- reassuring to know he’d be looked after, helped! Get what he needed. And he was fine when i left him there, with his old school backpack with all his bits in, the Helping staff there to welcome him. Reminded me a little of when he started primary school, he looked so small, all big eyes… They promised it’d be a couple of weeks, maybe a month, and then he could come home, all better.

I got to visit every weekend, which was nice! Sometimes brought him biscuits, can't beat home made, chatted a little. He still had that, that look from when i left, like he was little again, when i could tell he didn’t really want to leave me at the gates, he didn’t want to go in all alone, couldn’t we just go home instead mum? But i was strong. For him. I resisted.

I think, it was when that look started to go, that little boy look, replaced with something, i don’t really want to think about even now, that i really noticed the other patients. One in particular. He looked different from the others. Props to the Helping House, they keep, kept the kids tidy. it was actually lovely, real treat to see Ben all combed and neat, not smelling like his trash dump of a room. And not a whiff of smoke! i’d honestly not have been surprised if he’d snuck in some ciggies in but if he had, they must have confiscated em quick. No fags in the Helping House! I mean-! oh you know, what i mean!

But this one,.. they all dressed in clothes from home, apparently they worked out its better for the process, this one was a mess. Half shaved hair, no knees in the jeans and honestly, sunglasses indoors? who did He think he was!? Mick Jagger? He just slouched in the corner of the visiting room, looking out into the gardens, like he belonged there in that clean good place. They were nice gardens, well looked after, like the kids. I remember it was coming up summer, lots of lovely flowers. lots of happy bees.

Anyway, i did Not like how Ben looked over at, him, while we had our cups of tea. it was this, gooey soft look i’d never seen on him. later i remembered it. it was how his dad looked when we started courting. That cloying honey sweet love that turned sickly and choking far too quick. God, that look, on my boys face? You bet I had words with the staff before i went. I did not bring my boy here to get help and it be ruined by some hooligan with warped intentions. I made sure they understood. They didn't seem to know what i meant by the Sunglasses kid but it’s a big facility, probably get a lot of patients. Their success rate was incredible really, always seemed to be spaces open. Whatever they did, didn’t do a lot though. Cause i kept seeing him, every time i visited. And he drew a crowd. At first it was the ones who didn’t have family to come, poor dears. They’d be sat, close as they could to him. They had rules about touching in the Helping House, and rightly so, helps with, the temptation, but they’d sit there, close as they could to him, just listening, sun on their faces from the big glass window. Now that i’m thinking about it, I don’t think i remember ‘em blinking? Anyway, Could never hear what was said, what venom that creeper was pouring into their ears, whenever i tried to hear him over the other visitors, it just came over as a low buzz. Well, whatever it was, those kids were hooked. I didn't like it. And the next weekend, there more of ‘em! You’d have kids that’d be crying one week that their family hadn't come, who didn't give two shits the next, pardon my french. They’d be sat in the corner, happy sappy faces, listening to whatever nonsense that kid was murmuring to his little flock. They didn’t touch, not then, but it was a close thing, i remember being so shocked that nothing was being done about it. It was obviously a problem. that weirdo was the problem.

But my boy didn’t stray. He might’ve looked over at that hive of idiots who worked against what these good people were trying to do for them, with that… look. But he stayed and drank his tea with me like he should. He looked tired, but i knew that’s cause he was working hard, getting better. i got the reports.

But the last couple of visits, i come in and it’s just my boy in the visitors room. The rest were outside in the garden, in the flowers. All those kids, twenty or so of em, tangled in each other, touching and so close. I don’t think they were, Doing things but, it was against regulation for sure, and I stood up, to go do something, anything, even just yell at them to stop it, ask what they thought they were doing!? That’s when the Buzzing started. For a second i thought it was just a bee come in from the garden, poor little bumble trapped indoors but it was in my ears, in my head. It was nothing i’d ever felt before and I’ve had Tinitus and that’s a nasty bugger but it was more than that.

Been to the doctors since. Apparently they can’t work it out, whats causing it. All they can say was it wasn’t Tinitus.

I think it was, Sunglasses looking at me. I remember when i got up, to tell ‘em off, i remember light in the corner of my eye, like a reflection off glass. I think he turned, he knew i was going to stop em and he-

Last sunday was the last time, the last visit. Had a big tin of biscuits, gingerbread, Ben’s favourite, had some nice news about his cousin getting into uni, first in the family! Always had hopes Ben would be the second, but- Ben wasn’t waiting for me. He was outside. With Them.

Him.

There he was, holding the hand of that freak and the staff were just stood round like numpty’s doing nothing! Dumb faces and vacant as their patients were outside rolling about in the sun like it was the 60’s! And smoking! I thought, they must’ve found a stash cause i could see the smoke, swirling dark against the sky, dark against their smiling, stupid faces.

I was furious. i was, so angry.

I think thats why i did it. I was so angry that i couldn’t think of anything else to do but grab that sunglasses wearing freak who was corrupting my boy, who was holding his hand and steering him wrong and undoing all my work and love, and shake my anger out of him. I was yelling all that, yelling at him. I remember he was light, not as heavy as he should be, not for a kid his age and that he didn’t flinch. And he spoke to me, in that low drone that I thought had been just distance and space distorting his voice, but was just him, god it was just him.

I cant remember exactly what he said, something about love, real love, some hippy nonsense. No, i remember one thing. The little shit asked if i thought i was ‘my child’s real Family.” ‘Of course, i said, ‘i’m his mother’ Then he smiled, like i was wrong and i hated him. And I could see myself, in that dark reflection, in those stupid shades and i couldn’t stand it. I wish i hadn’t, done what i did. i just didn’t want to see myself in that black mirror anymore, all twisted and hateful. Turns out it was far nicer than what was behind them.

I let go, dropped it, that thing in ripped jeans and stripes and it fell into the flowers. There were so many happy bees. Thats when i heard the other kids. They had it’s voice, shared it’s voice, that drone. That buzz. i didn’t dare look at them. My ears, started up again, like before but, that sound, their sound, it made it louder and i honestly thought my head might explode and I turn to Ben, my boy, who had dropped to his knees in front of that thing, holding it’s hand and for a second, I thought he was smoking again, dark wisps coming from his downturned face and, I just, my fear turned to anger, for just a second, that he would do that here and now.

But I begged him to come away, to leave it alone, to get better, to just be my little boy again, to come home with mummy. Then he looked up, my Ben, and his face- it wasn’t smoke, it had never been smoke. it was the same as whatever had been bumbling around in the creature that still lay in the flowers but Ben smiled all the same. I, feel crazy, crazy saying it but- as the bees poured out of my little boy’s smiling mouth in that choking swarm, their buzzing droning out his words, my boys last-

My name is Sarah

i’d never seen him happier.

Apparently I fainted. Never fainted in my life, i’ll tell you, too tough for that sort of thing, but i must’ve. Police think it’s what saved me. I like to think otherwise. Officially, what happened was that the patients turned on the staff, killed em and left. Simple, explainable. Some sicko’s like to use what happened as an argument against conversion therapy, old hippy dykes that don’t have enough to picket over, idiots. They didn’t see the bodies, they didn’t see what those ‘helpless victims’ did- They dragged them outside after they killed em, into the sun, into the flowers. I remember waking up once, amongst all the dead. Happy bees, dipping their beaks into the blood of the doctors. Plenty of sugar in blood, I read.

Ben was all i had left, my only family. I don’t have no one left. You don’t get many visitor when the papers insist you made your kid a killer. Don’t even get phone calls from Dave anymore, but i call that blessing. He was barely Ben’s dad anyway. I’ve gotten used to the quiet. i go to work, i come home, watch a bit of telly. the buzz from the old tv only scares me a little. I know i did my best for him. i believe that, after everything. I wouldn’t be here though, if, there wasn’t, something else.

I had a visitor the yesterday. Wasn’t expecting it, thought it was a missionary, Jehovah’s or something. Was ready to tell them to piss off, i tell you. It was a girl. Said she was my daughter. she looked like my Ben, same smile, same funny little knees he used to scrape up, ones i used to kiss better. It wasn’t Ben. My Ben had eyes. My daughters words buzzed, like there was something in her throat. Perhaps the same things that crawled where her eyes would be, round and yellow and bumbling, i thought, and my head starting hurting again. She only stayed at the door, didn’t come in. She said she just wanted to say hello.

She said she’ll visit again.

That she’ll bring her family.

i don’t think she means me anymore.’ The magnus archives belongs to Rusty Quill, the above belongs to me!

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ham-sandwich-lol · 3 years ago

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hey im about to rant about family

here's your trigger warning, just take caution please. i don't know what will come out of my mouth.

okay, let me list some of the cons and pros mixed together about my family

my younger brother

an ass sometimes

not that bad

he's the youngest, im the oldest, you know how that gets.

plays victim a lot but i learned how to get out of that shit

can change, i feel it

my mum

anger issues??? probably

she doesn't understand my feelings at first, but thats okay i don't either

knows how to manipulate jesus christ-

just wants the best, but somehow also expects more from me

she's better than some people

my dad

he guilt trips me a ton but im not the only one tho

gaslights me too

thinks that i feel the same as he does over situations

cares about what i do, not me

also has anger issues

doesn't know when to stop yelling my god

holds my brother and i to really high standards

but sometimes he's nice

he cares sometimes

hes not all bad, but its horrible when he is bad

my grandparents on my mum's side

literally the best

nothing bad about them

my biological grandpa died before i was even a thought but he was cool

they're very cool

always knew the best for me

i have nothing bad about my grandparents

my grandma on my dad's side

very nice

also have nothing bad for her

curses in italian and i find it amazing

can bake really well and i don't know how

very quiet tho

my grandpa on my dad's side

ehhh

he's okay

hasn't done anything bad

yet

hardcore republican and im a far leftist so

isn't bad until politics are on the table

my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc on mum's side

haven't seen them in ages

pretty nice

i actually haven't seen them in so long

a lot of smaller kids so that's an issue for me personally

not much else

my cousins/aunts/uncles/etc on dad's side

ehh

can be bad

oh god here we go

forgets about my part of the family a lot

also hardcore republicans (some of them, not all)

invalidated me a lot

THAT cousin on my dad's side

oh god i have sm against her

bitchy when i don't want to sleep over

ignores all bad problems in her fandoms (shipping minors, lewding minors, etc)

brings up other problems (family) and ignores main one

can't grammar right

thinks that if one bad thing happens the whole day is ruined for her

thinks that older adults that aren't close to her in relations aren't in charge of her when she's a little kid (ex: an aunt saying no, she thinks its everything but no since "you aren't my mum")

starts fights in games all the time

improper uses of tone indicators at times

has read inappropriate stories about minors

has an odd obsession with death, things like that, brings it up at the worst times

with that last ones, probably invalidates triggers

- called my online friends "narrow minded"

don't have much good for her rn

but like

i just wish they cared about my mental health more

maybe they do?

and i just don't see it?

oh but when they invalidate my human rights because of political beliefs (mostly my dad's side yay)

when they forget about me and what i do

(major TW) i might have talked about this before but

when your own father puts his g//n to your head and threatened to k!ll you when you were 9 because you complained about the snow during hunting season lol that hurt

"i love you more than i love myself" then act like it.

care for my health, whether its mental or physical.

just try to act interested in my hyperfixations

im sorry i wasn't enough though.

im sorry i couldn't be just like you.

im sorry i wasn't up to your standards.

but yet again im not.

then yet again i just want you to love me without questioning my existence and rights.

i want them to love me without questioning my rights.

or my existence.

or my hyperfixations.

or my habits.

or my illnesses, whether they be internal or external.

just please.

love me like a parent should.

treat me like your child, not a piece of clay you can mold into what you could never be.

#stank struggles #vent post #tw? maybe #definitely tw #im crying #please send help #i just wish they loved me more #why don't they?#they don't treat me like their child #they treat me like garbage #im sorry you had to read this #im sorry i wasn't enough though #bigman stank vents

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mellohyi · 3 years ago

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wooowowowoo i miss summer camp so much

like this is my second year without going and as much as it sucked i loved it

there is a large rant about the place and like every single living detail i remember about it under the cut (is that the right phrase to use for this idk)

like the big field with the train tracks next to it and the beehives on one edge. i miss throwing a frisbee for my few friends there and laughing when i would get it stuck in a tree or they would throw it and it would go so far away. and i miss jumping on the trampoline and getting so pissed off (jokingly) at the dudes spending like 10 decades on it and because i was the only british person there they would be somewhat scared of me? so i would literally stare at them somewhat angrily and with my shitty latvian accent complain about how long they are taking and they would get off LMAO it only worked on the dudes younger than me but it worked... and the basketball on the small court !!! :D im not good at like,, throwing ball type games tbh? but like this court was magical because like 9/10 i would actually get it in and score a point and i loved how,, rapid (?) the games were like if you failed to get it in at a certain point you would be out and you had to get it in to stay in the game !!

and i remember the lake!!! it had a lot of those thingies.. oysters? idk i googled it and thats what they looked like. i can still remember the feeling of them and they were sharp LMAO and there was a zipline thing you could go on and it would take you to the middle of the lake and you could jump into it from there. and there was a game we played where we would be in two teams and then we would send a person down the zipline and if they fell in we would all have to do i think 10? pushups and it was fun cheering on people from the small platforms next to the zipline !! and we used to build a sorta dodgy looking sauna using some planks of wood and a big blue tarp that was held down by some rocks and we would collect sticks to make a fire with and then we would go sit in it and just talk and chill in the sauna. not everyone wanted to go, understandably considering iirc i put it off the first year i went but then tried it the next and loved it, so there was enough room for all of us to comfortable sit and even lie down on the log benches !! and we even had like,, bay leaf sticks with the leaves on it and stuff and we would dunk them into a bucket of water and then gently hit someone who was lying down as a like,,, relaxation thing? and it was so nice and it smelt SO GOOD it smelt like wood and grass and nature and it was sweet in a savoury way and i miss the smell so much just thinking about it. like you could literally smell the bay leaves because of the water evaporating after you take it out the bucket. and the hot air was so much harder to breathe when you stood up and it felt thicker and the air lower to the ground was cool so when you found it hard to breathe you would basically stick your head onto the grass to get a bit of cool and it felt so good !! and we would take breaks to drink water and pour cold water on ourselves or we would go into the lake though the last time i went a lot of the lake had dried up D: but its okay because i still have good memories with the lake when it wasnt like that. once during the sauna we went in the lake after and the sky was so clear like i could see all the stars and i could see the big dipper and it was just so beautiful. i even used the zipline to get into the lake that time as well and it was just so magical. i was kinda like,, sleepy (?) so i kinda was just not fully there so it was like so much cooler because i didnt feel real during it and it was just amazing.

omg and the activities we would do. we went on a hike in a forest and it was SO COOL like we would have to go climb up the steep hill that separated the field area and the train tracks and we would literally go onto the train tracks and at the time there wasnt any trains so we got to literally touch the tracks and we would go into the forest and IT WAS SO COOL like the light came in at a perfect angle and it was so pretty and we would pick blueberries and aaaaaaaa it was so amazing !! and we would split up and walk to an area to play some games using the trees and it was amazing. and also we would just do sports games using the field but also we went BIKING!!!! they had so many bikes for the people who didnt bring their own and we would go on the bikes and cycle to some sand dunes literally like 5 minutes away from the place and climb up them and jump and stuff and we carved tic tac toe grids into the stable parts and played and it was so fun AND I LITERALLY SAW A LIZARD CLIMB UP ONE OF THE EDGES INTO THE GRASS LMAO and we also cycled to a lake

this one to be exact!! and we would jump off from the small pier thing and swim around back to the edge and it had sand and a slide and it was generally really fun cycling to and from there. i did cause multiple crashes with the bikes while cycling there LMAO mainly because my brain just tends to blow things out of proportion for no reason and like LMAO someone would start coming a bit closer to me and i would panic and stop and then everyone behind me would then have to immediately stop and they would crash into me.. like once i got my cousin to come with me and someone looked like they were gonna go behind my cousin who was in front of me and i panicked because i didnt want to be separated from her so i just stopped because i was panicking too much and everyone behind me crashed into me LMAO and they were all like 'bruuuuh' but anyways it was really fun cycling there because i went past the place my aunt on my mums side got married + the place my uncle on my dads side got married (no they did not marry each other it was separate weddings) !! a few times i didnt go cycling because i just didnt feel good and didnt want to go but it was okay in the end because i was all alone in the cabin and i would just sleep and draw while waiting for them to come back and they would flood in cycling down the small hill that leads to the field and has the bike area and i would just see them from the porch of the cabin and it was cool :D

mMmMmmmmmMMM and the food area !! we would usually sit inside the pizzeria (because the place was also a pizzeria more on that later) and it was fun because we had breakfast, lunch, dinner + a night snack thing (its called naksniņas) and like even though im usually the pickest eater at the camp and they had to make exceptions for me because we werent allowed dessert at lunch unless we ate all our food like i still got to eat a lot lol like there was usually something i could eat even if i couldnt eat all of it and the juice was so nice and ngl i kinda liked being on the like,,, duty of having to set up before the meals + clean up after because getting all the stuff and setting it up was just so peaceful and calm and i loved it and mmmmsmsmsmsmsm it was so cool and THE NIGHT SNACK THING WAS LITERALLY THE BEST it was practically dessert for dinner but right before bed + we would do an activity after dinner before it !! i talked to my dad and figured out the spelling of the word because im not that good at latvian atm and mmmm . also like we would have tea and it was so good !! we would also have a small snack like a biscuit or cereal bar and it was so nice good way to end the day :D

i also lost an entire waterbottle there dont ask how

the cabins were nice because i usually end up on the second floor level thing of it and theres a small window on it !! and a cool ladder to get up to it though its a pain when camp first starts + when it finishes because you have to pack everything up while trying to not hit your head on any of the beams or the slant of the cabin roof and you have to haul everything up and down... other than that its so fun because theres small holes (like,,, really small. cant fit a pen down it) and when the people in the two rooms below that cabin spot are being pisstaking you can pour water down it and they shut up LMAO its really funny because they see the water dripping and get more pissed off and then become less annoying and we used to slip them notes to tell them to shut up LMAO also listened into their convos to be annoying too

anyways to finish off with my favouritest things ever about it. last day we would make pizzas and your family would be there and you could make multiple pizzas ! i usually made one for my parents / family and then one for myself and my sister because we r really picky and dont like cheese . and it was so fun and the pizzas were SO GOOD and i share the other pizza thats not mine with my family because i hate cheese and they are happy too. i also love the one evening where we cook dinner ourselves i think thats the sauna night as well but omg its so nice we have dough balls to wrap around a stick and asduidfohih its so nice omg i love them so much right because we take the stick and then toast them over a fire and when you do them right its a tiny bit doughy on the inside but a safe amount and its like,, slightly crispy in a good way on the outside so amazing and like you can put stuff in it like cheese and ketchup and stuff but i just eat mine plain and they are so good mmmamMMm and we also have watermelon iirc and it was so good overall like best evening of the camp :)

anyways i love camp and i miss it

#mellow random #nah because i miss it so much i #pleading eyes emoji #i love latvia

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the-scottish-costume-guy · 6 years ago

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My Trans Story

Story of my social and medical transition under the cut, I know its not trans day of visibility anymore but consider this a belated contribution. I hope it helps anyone who’s questioning, or even anyone whos curious about the experience. This is very long and has some mention of dysphoria, abuse, bullying but also has a happy ending so thats your warning:

The earliest I remember giving any indication of being trans was at five or six years old on my way to primary school with my mother (who I will mention was a fairly good mother at the time - this will be relevant later). I turned to her in my little green and white uniform dress and said “I’m a boy, aren’t I mum?” I’m not sure what prompted the question really curiosity maybe but my mother laughed it off - something I dont blame her for, kids say silly things all the time. I wouldn’t say I was a super boyish kid. Yeah I liked a bit of rough and tumble play, I was into pokemon cards, then yu-gi-oh, beyblades - which were all considered “boy” things when I was at school. I liked to play british bulldog and tag, and as I got older I’d get into Warhammer, Dungeons and Dragons, The elder scrolls and other nerdy things which are seen as more unisex now but again in the time were considered “boy” interests. But I liked having long blond hair, and I was curious about make-up. I liked to bake and sew and weave, and as a child I even enjoyed knitting. I cried easily and got hurt often - I was accused of attention seeking through most of my childhood though even looking at myself critically I can only ever remember wanting validation. When I was hurt, when I’d achieved something I was proud of - my motivations were called into question when I sought out help or interest. I remember being heartbroken when art I’d worked on was dismissed or I was told the bad bruise I’d gotten was nothing to be upset over and to stop seeking attention. It set me on a path of questioning everything I did and why I did it.

Unfortunately I have a lot of memory gaps in the lead up to high school and through much of school.

Fairly early on in school though I came out as bisexual. Honestly I think a part of me was threatened by cis guys masculinity and that drove me to women. I had a fairly even number of girlfriends and boyfriends. One relationship the boy I was with implied being ready to try sex and we ended up breaking up not long after when I distanced myself. I didn’t know how to explain the discomfort with my own body that I didnt even understand. How I didn’t want to be touched in certain places or do certain things. I felt like a freak.

It didn’t help that I was already bullied pretty much from the get go in highschool, from age 11 I did have many friends and there were periods where I had none. I was bullied for my hair, for not having friends, for being gay, for being depressed. Hell sometimes I was bullied for being bullied - high school is weird.

I was also... “bullied” by a “friend” who would hit me, talk down to me, at times wouldn’t let me sit on furniture. Once she choked me to the point of passing out among other things. Somehow I was still convinced she must like me on some level - why else would she hang out with me? I wish I’d known better. She introduced me to the concept of being transgender but not in a way I identified with. She told me about a documentary of “Boy becoming girls and girls becoming boys.” she told me “The girls that become boys are always still pretty, you can tell they were girls. But the boys that become girls, you cant tell they were boys they just look like ugly girls.” I imagine shes less ignorant now but its stuck with me.

Eventually around age 16 Two trans people spoke at my school. They talked about how they always felt different, things they’d disliked about themselves - the relief of coming out. I understood completely but my brief excitement was dashed by their talking about harassment and fear. I wrote my email address on a slip of paper and ‘please help’ which I put in the box they were collecting at the back of the room for any questioning youth. They never emailed me. I made an appointment with my doctor.

I actually begged my doctor to fix me, and he referred me to a GIC (Gender Identity Clinic) in Edinburgh. It took a full year to actually be seen there. I told some of my close friends about my concerns and confusion, and came out as genderfluid. I used a random R based male name to try and settle - knowing that as it was fandom related I’d change it later. When I spoke to the specialist at the GIC, I came out as a Trans Man, I felt validated. I came out to my family not long after and it was not well received. My cousin (who had spent every summer with us for as long as I could remember and I viewed like a sibling) died when I was 14. My godmother (his mother) died a year after. Within the ten years since my cousins death, he, my uncle on my mothers side, my great grandfather, my godmother, my gran and my grandad have all passed away. When I came out to my dad he begged me not to put more strain on our family. My mother turned to drink when I was only 14 and had worsened becoming more and more abusive as time went on. I’d had mental and physical health issues since the age of 8 and my experiences were being written off. My mother got worse, and I ended up being her full time carer for a few years. She was abusive, she hit me, she destroyed my things, she wrote on the walls and threatened me with knives. When a letter for my third GIC appointment came, (the appointment that would have gotten me hormones) I highly suspect it was my mother that destroyed it. I didn’t even know I’d been dropped from the list until six months later when I called to ask when my next appointment would be. I’d apparently missed it and for that reason they’d silently, without fuss, taken me off their active patients list. I was upset but handling my mother was enough strain for me not to fight my case for another few years. I went to attempt college for a second time in 2015 - nearly six years after I first came out, and four after my first GIC appointment. I called my best friend over to my house, and together we sighed 15 deedpolls changing my name and title legally. I contacted the clinic and got another appointment for that September. The doctor wanted longer - more appointments to get to know me, but after hearing I’d already had two with another doctor, had waited four years, had told the story I’ve told you now - she told me she wanted to get me on hormones for christmas. She rearranged her schedule and had me come in on december 9th, four days later I had my first doze of testosterone. I didn’t tell my father that I’d started hormones but I had told him prior that I was going to soon. My dad continued not to accept me, as did one of my tutors at college. I kept my head down and muscled through. I’d become so used to not passing that only 4 years later, when Im passing easily and consistently, its both a shock and yet somehow feels like its always been the case. I had top surgery on October 23rd 2017. To my surprise, my father came to the hospital. He’d said he wouldnt visit, but made the 4 hour drive anyway. Last summer, he started introducing my as his son to strangers. He started inviting me out for drinks with him and my brother. He treated me how I had always wanted. Sure he still drops the feminine endearments in - but I’m not going to fault him that. Everyone I meet assumes Im cis until I tell them otherwise. I was finally comfortable enough in 2017 to come out as gay, and I’m now engaged to my wonderful Fiance who is just beginning his own transition journey. My point? It gets better is a tired phrase that feels worn out by use. And no my life isn’t perfect but dysphoria and lack of love is definitely not the problem. Years ago I felt I’d never pass, I told people as much. I thought I was ugly, and unlovable. Now I like how I look, I Know i pass because people call me “sir” “Mr” ect. One of the tutors for the university I applied to was excited to “finally have a man in the class.”

The journey is long, and at no point can you see the end of it. Eventually you just look back and see how far you’ve come. Stay strong.

#Transgender #tdov #tdov2019 #transman #ftm #my story #trans day of visiblity #transgender day of visibility

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tahere-ravenwick · 6 years ago

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So I wanted to share my experience.. ordeal? Idk.. I'm not sharing this for sympathy or anything, I just want people to know.. My story may help someone else. Maybe not. But I want to put it out there..

About a week after my 18th birthday(just over four years ago now) I went down with two massive seizures about five hours apart, the first lasted about 5 minutes, I was taken to the local hospital, where I had basic cognition testing and held for observation, they said I was fine and sent me home with my mum with a referral to follow up at my gp… However not even a full hour after getting home I had another seizure that lasted 8 minutes. The paramedics initially assumed my mother was exaggerating, but she had been on the phone from the minute I started convulsing and said it had been 8 minutes since she called and I had not come out of it. The main concern is that 3-5 minutes of blood flow to the brain since there is high risk of permanent brain damage occurring.

Apparently I went psychotic after my second seizure and cussed out the paramedics, refusing to go with them. I didn't get physical, just very shouty and rude...

I.. don't remember most of what happened, I somewhat remember waking up in the ambulance(the second time) puking and then apologising a lot, closing my eyes and then waking up in the hospital feeling like crud..

This time My head was scanned with a few different machines and it was on the MRI they found a golf ball sized shadow with concentric rings(doctors said it looked like a bullseye.. I thought it looked more like a… twat..) over my left temporal lobe (behind my right eye just to be confusing... the mri is flipped for some reason...I lost my eyesight in that eye temporarily). At first they told me it could be a tumor but wanted to do more tests...They kept me at the hospital for four days before I could go home(for a day). The more tests they did, led to worse conclusions and more confusion and I ended up being taken to the royal brisbane and women's hospital the next week.

At the RBWH (where I stayed for about a month and a half), I had a team of about 20 neuro specialists, neurosurgeons and medical trainees on my case and my test results were sent overseas.

I was interrogated by a group from disease control, who came in wear full hazmat suits and cordoned off my room with plastic and kept asking if I'd been to places like Taiwan or Africa or been in contact with any exotic animals. I told them several times that I've never actually been overseas and the most exotic animal I'd held was my cousins pet python..

Now during all that the doctor in charge of my case (I called him Dr.Nemo because he looked like captain Nemo from league of extraordinary gentlemen with a tall turbin and a really awesome moustache, I also think he was head of neurosurgery... I can't really remember all that well….)he was so excited because they just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I still remember the sparkle in his eye as he told me they had no idea what was going on but my results were acting strange... it was just so absurd I couldn't find it in myself to be anything but amused.. They speculated at many things from malignant tumor to parasites, they even talked about cutting open my head to get a biopsy of whatever it was (I really wasn't at all keen on that) then they did a lumbar puncture, (or two...) which was hell and then some, but they stuffed up by using the wrong sized needle and had to do another one(worst night of my life) the doctors talked some more and decided to send some of the LP samples to denmark for testing to look for a marker that would mean they could give me a special treatment, if it turned out I had a certain disease...but the marker came back negative, but its ok since i didn’t end up having that disease anyway.

By the end of my stay there they figured out that I had some sort of autoimmune disease. But that was as far as they got for a long time. The LP samples were useful in getting results but the doctors couldn’t make heads nor tails of them, since apparently a few days after I had the LP the samples reacted weirdly. It had them totally baffled, they sent my charts to sydney and other places for help. No one knew what was going on.

At this point there really wasn't much more anyone could do besides keep an eye on me, I had been stable and hadn't had another seizure so they sent me home. I was on some pretty heavy anti-seizure medication(keppra and something else I can't remember what it was called) that I switched off of after about two years(under medical supervision).

I didn't get confirmation of what I had until late december of that year, mostly it was an accidental discovery by the optical specialist I saw due to entirely losing vision in my right eye after the seizures.

BALOS type MS.

It’s a rare disease similar to MS, that when I found out, there was about 60 cases ever diagnosed worldwide (mostly filipino men..)and 5 years before I was diagnosed it had only been a post mortem diagnosis. There's not much known about it and there's no real treatments, most cases progressed rapidly and died or relapsed within 2 years and died... only thing I could do at the time was take anti epilepsy medication to try to prevent more seizures,(and a massive amount of painkillers for the crippling pain)

It went into remission sometime last year, or it progressed into Remitting Recurring MS? It's all really confusing.. But I currently have RRMS and the BALOS could come back at anytime or it may never come back, but if it does it will be a lot worse.. but in general my immune system basically thinks the nerves in my brain are a virus and attack & eat away at them causing hemorrhaging. It doesn't do this all the time, just 60%..maybe 70% of the time. So I take the immunosuppressants to attempt to manage this(it still attacks my brain but not in huge chuncks now), which means that when I get sick its very very bad because my immune system(thats subdued by the immunosuppressants)gets agitated and attacks the wrong thing.

I still get migraines, though not as frequently as before, which is great since I have been attempting to manage them anyway I can. My vision's came back mostly, though I can't see very well without glasses (due to brain scarring on the optical nerve). I am uncoordinated, foggy, forgetful and have random pain all over due to my brain misfiring as it gets attacked randomly...and I find while my stamina isn't as it used to be, a trip to the supermarket leaves me so exhausted and drained I end up falling asleep on the couch, I don't let that stop me from going out, I can still do a lot of things, I just have to pace myself.

And recently my neurologist said that the immunosuppressive medication is working and that I won't be having seizures any time soon (if I keep taking it) only downside is that I can't get Vaccinated with live culture vaccines, (measles, mumps, rubella, chicken pox, and a few others). Since I have MS(Multiple sclerosis) its pretty dangerous if I get sick, because my immune system attacks my brain instead of the virus. I do get all the vaccines that I can(usually just the booster shots) But because my immune system is so fucked up, even if it does work and my immune system takes to the vaccine, I will still catch pretty much everything out there, because viruses can mutate and evolve if left unchecked.... So I've decided to start wearing surgical masks...I found a bunch of cute looking ones from Japan that I can wear out and about and not look.. sick..or germaphobic (even tho I kanda have become so..)

Anyway it's been interesting.. a bit hectic and overwhelming, but things are looking up now, everything has settled down and I'm attempting to get back on track with my life. I'm traveling and going out with friends. I am getting back into my hobbies. Trying new things. Living life to its fullest.

#sick #balos #my story #my life #hospital #chronically ill #Chronic Illness #MS #Multiple sclerosis #scrambled brains #brain fart

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theyrejustbehindtheveil · 7 years ago

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ML Secret Santa

Merry (belated) Christmas @nayawata it is I, your gifter for the @mlsecretsanta with a fic about the OTP

Paris, France | July

She graduates. One day, she is at université, and the next, she is not. The morning after her final exam, she slips downstairs for breakfast and instead finds an envelope.

Her parents' latest attempt to stop her from being so easily scared is three months in a city she doesn't know with a language she barely speaks. All expenses paid. She leaves in three months. Merde.

Sydney, Australia | October

It’s a jarringly young city. Everywhere Mylène looks she expects to see historic architecture and instead sees nothing beyond the nineteenth century. Her auntie chatters good-naturedly from the drivers seat which is on the wrong side of the car. Everything is strange and it feels a little like she can’t breathe and she cant make a sound and she is so so glad when the car stops and she can get inside the house and play her song and feel like she is still at home.

The first two weeks she only leaves the house with one of her cousins or aunts, too scared to venture outside without some kind of security net. They take her on outings every few days, doing the tourist shtick at what is probably their attempt to make her feel welcome. The multiple trips to the city aren’t too bad, but when they head anywhere else she feels off kilter. The ocean is too big and the countryside is too foreign. The suburbs are too sprawling and quite frankly she doesn’t even know where to start with the birds.

November

She goes for a walk alone the first week of November. Three pictures of the waterfront reflecting the clear blue sky later and she realises she is lost. Very lost. She isn’t even sure which way is home. She would like to say she was brave enough to find her own way home but the truth is that pedestrian’s hassle her along until she crashes into something large and solid with an eep of surprise.

The large and solid something responds with a grunt that shocks her into leaping back. And looks up. And up a little more to find the something’s face shuffled into a terrifyingly grumpy glare. She shrieks and cowers a little before the glare retreats into something a little closer to concern.

She’s fumbling out an apology as best she can manage and trying desperately not to give in to the urge to flee when the man in front of her guides her gently to a bench. “Are you okay?” he asks and she can’t help but suck in a breath at his accent because it is wonderfully, blessedly French.

“T’es Français?” She hopes he understands what she is trying to say.

He starts in surprise. “Oui.” She can’t help the wave of relief that sweeps over her and switches to French for a more coherent apology.

The guy’s name is Ivan and he doesn’t know how to get back to her aunts’ place, but his english is much better than hers and he is brave enough to ask for help and big enough to hide behind when the strangers get to be too much. Mylène thinks she quite likes this arrangement. It takes a full hour to find home, and she is glad for Ivan’s company.

He slips her his phone number moments before she shuts the door. Merde.

Three days pass before she even has the courage to save the string of numbers to her phone. Two more before she sends through a safe, neutral, hi this is mylene :)

Ivan replies twenty-seven anxious minutes later. hey mylene good to hear frm u glad u hadnt lost my no

sorry, she replies

dw i was jst disappted i might not get to see u again

oh i d like that

me too this wknd?

Deep breath. yeah i d like that

sat 1pm we can try tht walk again?

yes please

He arrives at the front door at five minutes to the hour. She’s been ready for the past ten minutes, but she still jumps at the sound of the doorbell.

This second walk is far better than the first, even if there are more people out on the weekend. They find their way to a market near a library and Mylène can’t help but feel a little nervous but Ivan is quietly reassuring. He buys her a little pin for her bandana and his face when she pins it straight to the fabric is something she really wants so see again.

She learns a lot about Ivan that day. He likes heavy metal, hates the heat, tries to be gruff and intimidating but cares too much to pull it off convincingly.

She tells him about Paris, how scared she is of just about everything because so much of it is just too much a lot of the time, that she likes cats better than dogs, about her dad’s job, and that her deepest desire is to be brave.

Ivan returns her confidences with the slightly ashamed admission that he is really not a cat person and Mylène giggles at his despondency before rushing to reassure him that she doesn't hold it against him.

Later, she texts him. the cat thing is mostly because they re quieter also because of the superhero he was kinda sweet

hte who

chat noir the paris superhero a couple years back in the news a lot both him and his partner total badasses in spandex

oh that superhero

i met him a few times he was at our school on superhero business n stuff he was really kind little dorky

that school that was awlays in the papers was urs?francis dupain or smth i almost went there

francois dupont yeah that was a crazy time scary too wait what dieu we might have been classmates thats so weird i was turned into one of the monsters one time

oh no

there was this mean girl she teased me and i ended up a monster

you could never be a monster mylene

no like an actual monster type creature monstrous from a horror movie pink jelly thing horrificater i scared people and kidnapped them i don t remember what happened much but everyone was really nice to me for a while after

wait the first time that was u in there

yeah that was me

wow working through that must have been hard

i had help chat noir came and talked to me a few times my parents really helped im glad u had that

December

There is no snow for Christmas this year. She gets a second summer instead, of the kind that Paris rarely sees. Ivan texts her every other day to complain about the heat. Her aunt takes her to the beach, and Ivan shows up in a pair of stupidly bright shorts that apparently were a gift from his sister. They make her laugh, and he grins.

you re really easy to talk to ivan um thanyk u no really it s really nice i like it

…

sorry if i made it weird i just mean t like we re friends i like talking to you

mylene its fine im sorry i dont take compliments v well it means a lot that u can say that thank u

He hands her a parcel a few days before Christmas. Inside is a pin she recognises from - oh. Its Ivan’s. From his favourite band. “You’re giving me this? Haven’t you had it since you were a teenager?”

“I… I want you to have it, to remind you that you can be brave.”

“Zombie Skull Crushers is going to remind me to be brave?” She hates the plaintive note that her voice holds.

“Yeah, doesn’t it just sound brave and badass, just like I know you can be?”

She hugs him, tight and grateful.

“Thankyou, Ivan,” she chokes out. “It’s the best present anyone’s ever given me.” He hugs her back, gentle and easy as breathing.

She almost forgets the parcel tucked into her bag but presses it into his hands right before she leaves. “Joyeux Noël, Ivan."

Her parents fly in for Christmas itself. She goes to meet them at the airport and the moment she sees them both she runs for them. Her dad catches her as she leaps and her mum folds into the both of them and she burrows in between both of them and doesn't leave their side if she can help it from that point on.

Paris, France | January

She leaves for home with her parents. The plane lands and she gets off and everything is so wonderfully familiar but she feels strangely untethered. Her home is still much as it was when she left, and her room is identical save for more dust than normal.

And she can’t quite work out what is missing until her phone buzzes insistently and she drops her unpacking to fumble for her phone and check the screen.

They’re all from Ivan, and she realises as she reads through them it’s him she’s missing. He’s worked his way under her skin, going form imposing to reassuring too easily.

miss u already mylene

Oh, merde

i rly had a great time with you when i go back home to chatres in abt a month can i see u on the way thru

What?

Two months and it had never come up how close he lived to Paris. To her. And she want’s to see him again and isn't that incredible. Mylène doesnt know what she ever did to deserve such a gift but there’s only one thing she can do

of course i want to see you too i didn t know you lived so close

His response is almost immediate yeah crazy huh

A month of of texting back and forth follows. Ivan is beautifully poetic when he tries, and Mylène learns ever more about her new friend. When Ivan returns to France, he knocks on her door when she’s the only one home.

“Hey,” he says, like. a month of separation hasn't stood between them like anticipation. She stretches her arms around his waist as far as she can and laughs with joy at the tidal wave of affection swamping her chest. He curls his much longer arms carefully, fondly, around her back.

“I missed you. Please don’t ever stay away that long ever again,” she mutters earnestly into his chest. His arms tighten a fraction, before he shifts one hand to tilt her chin up so he can look her straight in the eye.

“Never. I promise, Mylène, I won’t ever stay away from you for very long anymore. I don’t think I could.”

She believes him when he looks at her like that, like he wants to see right through her eyes into her soul and know it intimately. Three days later he asks her on a date.

She says yes

They go for a walk.

She tucks her hand in his and the world feels a little less terrifying when she does.

#myvan #ml #mylene #ivan #fic #bec writes #secret santa #mlsecretsanta

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bubble--berry · 7 years ago

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Cewkiwarts?

((Sorry for the late ass reply))

CARTER!! MY QUEEN!!!! I LOVE THEM SM!!!

They’re smol and angry. Still a blue gay though. A fellow Slytherin. They’re a Virgo and have the same birthday as my mum and cousin.

I’m like the cause of their anxiety I stg. Whenever it acts up I tend to just treat them like normal instead of being like ‘omg Carter are you okay??’ I figured that’s how they wanted to be treated but I wasn’t sure so I asked them this one time and got confirmation that yes, I am indeed, treating them correctly.

Today was their first day back at school after being sick and I was v v happy. They’re sick way too often smh. Pun alert: Carter’s a sick friend ;)

I was upset when they was away and I was like 'smh Carter wouldn’t treat me like this’ because it’s trUe. Some stuff happened where someone- incorrectly, like they lied so it was over the top too- shared a super personal thing of theirs to their family, who in turn, told another family, who told Carter what happened. I’ll talk more about this on the ask that has her name in it. Anyway so I’m pretending to be protective of Carter so that the girl can’t touch them when Carter doesn’t want her to.

but like respectful protective not like drama starting Bc we’re not for that

Carter’s dad owns a charity that helps young autistic people. Thank you, sir. I appreciate it^^I met Carter last year. They was drifting away from their common friend group and someone said I was nice (I don’t think they knew me well ) so they came over to where I sat. Somehow Undertale got mentioned and we found out we both loved it and we bonded over it. Then we ended up becoming friends!

I actually didn’t find out their last name until a few months after we became friends. The teachers were speaking about the charity and we’re like “Now who knows Carter — ?” And I was like ????The hell is that???? And then Carter went up when they called them up and I was like oHHHHHHH THATS WHO THAT IS!!! I KNOW THEM!!

Carter is the type of person to share your interests with. They’re not one of those people that are like “oh I’m not going to try and understand your interests but if you do the same to me then you’re rude and stupid >:(” Like they try to get into your interests and in return you do the same. For example: They did an entire god damn sport with me because I was interested in it like???? Can I get an Amen???They also listens to musicals I tell them to listen to. Today they even joined the arts and craft sport because I was doing it.Also I love their original name origin Mother: I want Gaia. Father: But I want a name starting with K.Mother: Well then we’ll make it Kaia.Like honestly me????

See, I won’t even have to tag Carter in this post because they check and like all my posts (God bless)

Talent appreciation time: I feel like this will get repetitive but even though they all can do the same things they’re still original??? And unique??? And I love that???-Is super super good at art!! I love Carter’s art and I love the fact that I’ve seen it evolve. I’ve seen their improvement and how far they’ve come to get to where they are and djskkak I love their art sm.-Once again with the writing like tHesE PEOPLE can write so well so fast and it amazes me so much??? I love you!- They can siNG!!!! AND ITS AMAZING!!! I LOVE IT!! SM!!!

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rusty-ford · 7 years ago

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1-100 😝😊

Is a kiss considered cheating? YeahHave you ever faked orgasm? HaaaIf you could have one superpower, what would it be? Flight Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? No. But hopefully happy.Tell us some funny drunk story. One time I was smashed out of my mind so a friend drove us to McD's. I was so drunk that by the time I finished my burger I had forgotten that I had ordered fries too. I was reaching into the bag for a napkin when I "discovered" the fries at the bottom. I didn't remember ordering them at all. It was the happiest surprise of my life. Why are you no longer together with your ex? Because he's a moron. Too many reasons to count. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? Killed instantly in a fiery crash in my pickup. Or die in my sleep. What are your current goals? Be a badass nurse. Do you like someone? I'm dating someone so yep. Who was the last person to disappoint you? Myself.Do you like your body? Not reallyCan you keep a diet? Used to be pretty obsessive about it. Not lately. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? I wouldn't want a world platform. Do you work? Always. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be? Fresh salsa. Would you get a tattoo? Probably not. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? My truck and my horses. Can you drive? Hell yeah. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? Week or two?What was the last thing you cried for? Honestly can't remember. It's been a while. Probably my cousin's death.Do you keep a journal? Sporadically but not really. Is life fun? It is if you make it. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? I personally try to be more classy than that.What is your dream car? My first truck fully restored and turned into a sleeper. Are grades in school important? Yeah. Describe your crush. Tall, dark hair, killer smile, incredibly disciplined and hard working, intelligent What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? Can't think of one.What was your last lie? Probably a little white lie like saying I likes someone's cooking when I didn't. I'm not a liar. Dumbest lie you ever told? Dunno. Not one to lie. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? Incredibly so.Something you did and you are proud of? Made it this far. What’s your favourite cocktail? I haven't really had many cocktails. Something you are good at? Critical thinking and things that art related. Do you like small kids? Not really. How are you feeling right now? Tired.What would you name your daughter/son? I don't have any girls names in mind. I always liked the sound of Tanner or Travis for boys names. What do you need to be happy? Freedom. Wide open spaces. A little gas to burn. Enough money to pay the bills.Is there some you want to punch in the face right now? My and about 30 family members I've disowned. What was the last gift you received? A bottle of Jamaican hot sauce. What was the last gift you gave? Food. What was the last concert you went to? Charlie Daniels. Favourite place to shop at? Depends on what I'm shopping for. Who inspires you? Badass women. How old were you when you first got drunk? 21. How old were you when you first got high? Never have been. How old were you when you first had sex? Thats a secret. When was your first kiss? 18Something you want to do until the end of this year? Not sure. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? Lots. Post a selfie. Okay Who are you most comfortable around? Old friends. Name one thing that terrifies you. Not much anymore. When you're drug head first through most of your biggest fears and you come out on the other side alive you realize that not much scares you. I'm still not a huge fan of ticks or needlesWhat kind of books do you read? Classics mostly. What would you tell your 12 year old self? To have a bit more self confidence What is your favourite flower? IrisAny bad habits you have? Conflict avoidanceWhat kind of people are you attracted to? Genuine ones.What was the last thing you cried for? Family death. Is there something you don’t eat? Not into ChineseSome food that truly disgust you? Canned creamed corn. Are you in love? Getting there. Something you find romantic? Surprise dates/nights outHow long was your longest relationship? 3 years too long. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex? Pettiness, irrationality, vanityWhat are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? Ego, poor judgement, common infidelityWhat are you saving money for? Newer truckHow would you describe your bad side? Rage. Out for blood and revenge. Takes a lot to get me to that point though. Are you actually a good person? I like to think so. Why? I help people when I can and I try not to put my needs above those around me. What are you living for? To see what's around the next bend. Have you ever done anything illegal? Minor things sure. Do you like your body? Not really. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? Yeah. Ever sent nudes? HaaHave you ever cheated on someone? Never. Favourite candy? Anything caramel. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it! Not as active as I used to be. Do you play any computer games? No. What is your favourite game? Don't have one. Favourite TV series? The Office.Are you religious? Does God exist? Yes. Yes. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? Can't recall. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? Not my thing but as long as you're not a jerk about it it don't care. How long have you been on Tumblr? 7 years total. Like 5 with this blog. Do you like Chineese food? NoooMcDonalds or Subway? SubwayVodka or whiskey? Whiskey Alcohol or drugs? Alcohol. Don't do drugs. Ever been out of your province/state/country? Out of state, yes. Out of country, no.Meaning behind your blog name? Named after my first truck. What are you scared of? Not much anymore. Last time you were insulted? Jokingly last night. Most traumatic experience ? Probably family drama and my first breakup. Perfect date idea? Anything involving stars. Favourite app on your phone? Instagram I guess. What colour are the walls in your room? Whitem Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber? NoShare your favourite quote. I couldn't pick just one. What is the meaning of life? To find all of the truth you can. Do you like horror movies? No. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? Many time I'm sure. Me just being inconsiderate in my younger years. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? I often feel unlucky. I was born in October 13. My birthday falls on Friday the 13th this year, so that might have something to do with it.

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Edie & Buster

Edie: oi my sister there Buster: She's at work Buster: Are you alright? Edie: tell her come home so everyone get off my dick Buster: I can't tell her what to do Edie: ha yeah u can Edie: i know how she is Buster: Come on Edie: What I thought you want everyone 2 know Edie: or that not include me Edie: wouldn't be the first Buster: 'Course you're included, Eds Buster: Alright fine, I'll be honest Buster: I don't wanna tell her to come home Buster: Do you get that? Edie: oh i get it Edie: its fucked up but i'm with it Buster: Call me a selfish cunt if you want but that's how it is Edie: Why'd I call u that Edie: u didn't do that shit den bounce on us Buster: Yeah but I want her to stay here Edie: yeah u getting ur dick sucked Edie: i said i get it Buster: It's not like that Edie: it is tho man Edie: i'm sorry to tell u actual Edie: but whatever she chat, you ain't special to her, you know Edie: that's just how she do Buster: Nah, babe Buster: It's different Edie: oh mckenna mckenna Edie: thought you was smart Buster: I am Buster: That's why I know what I'm saying is legit, yeah? Edie: the timing ain't got u fucked Edie: oh no i'm in trouble, here's another distraction, like Buster: Like I said, it isn't like that Buster: Me and her have been together long before Drew did what he did Edie: and she's wanted drew to pipe her long before you Edie: ain't none of us believe that just came outta the blue Buster: Don't Buster: She's never wanted him like that Buster: It was one sided, all from him Buster: Yeah, he's been playing that way for a while too but Edie: I'd hear her and Indie talking you know Edie: now that's fucked up, catch her talking to me like that and he ain't even wanna be my dad Buster: What do you reckon you've been hearing? Edie: 'low it, KNOW what i hard Edie: heard, whatever Edie: she thought he was soooooo hot, like every other bimbo in this family Buster: Maybe for one second when she was a kid Buster: It doesn't mean anything other than that Edie: oh boy you drank too much koolaid Buster: Nah Buster: I've been there when he's been acting up, I've seen it for myself how much she wasn't about him like that Buster: Trust me Edie: obvs she ain't gon be wid it when you're about Edie: like at the baby shower Edie: she ain't thick Edie: smarter than u Buster: She isn't ever Buster: It's fucked up Buster: He is Edie: save the spiel baby Edie: he's this family's scapegoat for when they wanna do the fuck shit they wanna do Buster: He's a cunt regardless Edie: u cute Edie: don't let her play u the same Buster: You wish, babe Buster: I know exactly what I'm doing Buster: Do you? Edie: haha Edie: babe, is it really that good it worth dis Edie: i always know what i'm doing Edie: whatever i want Buster: It's worth way more than this shit Buster: Believe it or not Buster: Like it or not Edie: no one like it but what they gon do right Buster: They can do whatever they want Buster: So can I Edie: dun know who u think u preaching at or why Edie: i don't give a fuck what u do Edie: came here cuz i need em off my dick and back on hers and i'm outta here Buster: Why are you chatting at me then like you wanna save me from her or something? I don't buy it, Eds Buster: You could have just said that and left Buster: You care Buster: So talk to her Edie: i care bout me Edie: they're pissing me off more than normal Edie: shame if they get u too but ain't gonna be crying over it baby Buster: Come to London Buster: You can stay here Edie: i dont like u like that mckenna Edie: soz Buster: Shut up Buster: You know what I mean Edie: rahhhh u actually so fucked up lmao Edie: i got places i wanna be Edie: thats the point Buster: You want your fam off your back I'm offering you somewhere to be where they won't be Buster: That's the point Edie: who she Edie: just cos she wanna try out for new step mum Buster: Aint I always had your back? Come on Buster: She isn't gonna give you grief like that Edie: you alright but dont get it twisted u ain't know me like that Edie: i don't wanna see her again at all Buster: I'll get you a hotel if you wanna come then Edie: hell no u cant buy me Edie: i ain't no hooker like ri be Buster: Don't call her that Buster: You know it ain't true Edie: it is tho Edie: she can do what she want but i aint gotta respect it or call it by a diff name to make her feel good bout it Buster: Don't be stupid Buster: You ain't a kid, you know how this all works Edie: she gets paid for her company Edie: what u wanna call it Edie: what makes u feel better Buster: Forget it Buster: I'm not trying to hit my head against the bricks Edie: hahaha thats what they always say when im right Edie: well if she aint gon go back for them she should know her man going pure apeshit, wilding out again like he think he the age he feelin Buster: Nah it's what they say when you won't be told. Not the same thing, like Buster: For the last time, he ain't her man. She doesn't give a fuck what he does or doesn't do Edie: meh whatever you say boy Edie: someone needs to go cheer him up Buster: Not our problem Buster: You do it if you're that bothered Edie: well he won't speak to me will he Edie: i ain't that fuckable, clearly Edie: or he got more morals than yous, either or Buster: Fuck's sake. Don't say shit like that to me Edie: awh mckenna only playin Edie: it's kinda funny tbh Edie: she act like she give the most shits about this fam Edie: and then she ruin it like that cos she wanna bang Buster: Hilarious Buster: She hasn't ruined anything Buster: Behave Edie: yous don't know u ain't here Edie: i'm tellin ya, why u think i'm jumping ship Buster: Neither are you, babe so don't act it Buster: If anything's fucked it's cause Drew fucked it Buster: You should be used to that as a concept Edie: didn't fuck himself mckenna Edie: all yous carry on blaming him til he the only one left tho Buster: I'm blaming him for this 'cause it's his fault Buster: I'm not trying to go any further back in time Edie: what u so whipped for Buster: Fuck off Buster: I know you'd love it to be that simple but it ain't Edie: u actually serious u think u love her Buster: I do love her Buster: I know that Edie: gon take up heroin next mckenna Buster: Grow up Edie: not the one still playing kissing cousins Edie: cute Buster: I don't care what you think Buster: And if that's the best you've got, don't bother, like Edie: good Edie: me either Edie: easier init Buster: Sometimes Edie: don't do halves Buster: Me either Buster: But you ain't the only one getting grief and feeling over it so Edie: fair you are chucking one in your fam, what u expect Edie: i've not done shit Buster: Whatever you say, babe Edie: ha tell me dickhead what have i done u reckon Buster: You're a bit of a cunt honestly Edie: boohoo Edie: if i was i'd fit right in Buster: You are and you do Buster: Deal with it, like Edie: all i do is deal with the unfortunateness of it trust Buster: Don't we all Edie: well bondings been fun babe but i got to go Edie: tell 'em all fairwell from me if you could tah u a real one Buster: Not your errand boy, sorry about it Buster: But not Edie: oh well Edie: they'll deal with not hearing it Buster: Since you ain't giving 'em a choice, yeah, they'll have to Edie: since when did u have to Edie: i ain't had 1 Buster: You've had plenty Buster: There's always choices Buster: Don't chat that bullshit to me Edie: nah Edie: god bless thank god u pretty Buster: Yeah Buster: On both counts Edie: i never had any it was all decided 'fore i even got here Buster: Nah Edie: yeah, mckenna Edie: he ain't want me, ma did Edie: i don't want her Edie: what a sad lil circle Buster: That's a cop out Buster: None of us got to pick our parents, babe Edie: least yours picked you Buster: Your ma picked you and Caleb Buster: You've got a mum and a dad same as I do Edie: well i don't want either of 'em Edie: so i'm offski Buster: Like I said, choices Buster: That's yours Edie: yeah it is Edie: finally Buster: Alright Buster: So stop wasting both our time with this chat then, yeah? Buster: It ain't going nowhere and you've decided you are Buster: Somewhere to be, like Edie: oooh Edie: touchy Edie: i'm waiting for my ride n my time Edie: what u even doin Buster: You don't care so what does it matter Edie: long as it matters to you babe Buster: Cheers Buster: Good insight Edie: ikr Edie: talents are wasted on this town Buster: You and me both Edie: shut up dickhead Edie: streets are paved with gold are they not Buster: Again, you wish it was that simple, babe Edie: why u even invited me then Edie: n u don't wanna fuck me Edie: rude Buster: I can only offer what I can offer Buster: I said it was an out from your fam not a fix all paradise, like Edie: lame and untrue to boot Edie: unfortunate but happens to the best of yas Buster: Whatever Edie: you might be ignoring the family tree like Edie: nothing in it for me Buster: Fine Buster: Don't come Edie: wasn't gonna Edie: doubt we got enough disel to get that far Buster: That's what planes are for Buster: But you know Edie: you know i ain't got that money Buster: I wasn't suggesting you paid for it Edie: kai has less than me lmao Buster: Him either Edie: mckenna mckenna mckenna if she's really doing that bad a job there's places you can go, people you can see Buster: This is boring Buster: You're just repeating yourself now girl Edie: you ain't my first choices either baby it's cool Edie: he's picking up Buster: Very gentlemanly Edie: like i ain't paying for it lmao Buster: If that's your way of saying you need money, make your mind up, like Edie: i'm saying that's where my money goes and is why he ain't getting on no plane Edie: paranoia man it'll get ya Buster: Yeah Buster: I bet Edie: Poor baby Edie: and Charlie thought he left all that behind him Edie: unlucky Buster: Can't say he don't know how to handle it at least Edie: that's a joke init Buster: Are you laughing right now? Edie: Big time Edie: got even less of a handle than ali and caleb Buster: Sure the judgement really helps too Edie: who's judging Buster: You Edie: Nah Edie: I don't care enough for that, I'm just laughing at the mess, not commenting on it Buster: Whatever you say Edie: how much would you give me Edie: outta interest Buster: How much do you want? Edie: ha you're such a bullshitter Edie: wouldn't stall if u was serious Buster: It's a serious question Buster: I don't know how long you're going for or where Buster: Not just gonna pull a number out the air Edie: for good and wherever we end up Edie: guess there's no ballpoint on that eh Buster: That's what you're saying now but if you're gone for a day and I give you a grand its not you who looks like a mug Edie: you a mug thinkin u get to tell me what to do with it like her Edie: its drug money mckenna don't act dumb Buster: Have I said shit about how to spend it? Nah Buster: Be serious and I will Buster: Tell me how much you want Edie: wow you really are dumb Edie: be careful out here baby Edie: even i ain't gonna play u like that but so many will Buster: Fuck off Buster: You're all talk, kid Edie: i'm serious Edie: ain't got your rents biz head have u jesus Buster: You don't know shit about what I'm got or not, Edie Buster: Don't act like you do Edie: you showed enough cards Buster: Nah, I'm showing you I can help you Buster: But be stupid Buster: How far you think you're gonna get with no money and no way to get any? Buster: Unless you're gonna play it the same way as Rio does whilst judging her for earning it Edie: you can help me get high? you and half the punters in this postcode, my da included Edie: ain't special baby and i ain't tryna enter yours so i don't need much Edie: plenty ways of getting cash that don't involve selling your ass Buster: Yeah, you're really smart Edie: aw thanks Buster: Cheers yourself Buster: Not a waste of time at all Edie: You're precious Buster: I know Edie: I reckon we've talked for sufficient time you can play you tried to stop me now Buster: I'm not gonna bullshit anyone Buster: That's for you to do Edie: as you like Edie: oh, tell ri gracie keeps crying, like ALL the time Edie: more than usual Buster: Tell her yourself Edie: alright Edie: she didn't reply last time i wrote her tho but worth a shot Buster: Try saying something worth reading Buster: I know it's a stretch but Edie: aw darn, i really thought i was smart Edie: oh well Buster: Bye, Edie Edie: laters mckenna Buster: Unlikely from how you're selling it, but sure Edie: see i don't know what u reckon the point of u is if you ain't gonna let me hit u up on the reg for cash Edie: you ain't know how this works Buster: I'm not trying to be anything for you Buster: Not my job Edie: knife thru my heart Edie: she always got the best of everything so used to it Buster: yeah yeah Edie: there u go again 💘 Buster: Poor baby Edie: u got jokes Buster: I know Buster: Pretty, smart and funny Edie: when u suck urself off that's somehow grosser than the incest Edie: eurgh Buster: Hilarious Edie: no jokes Edie: i reckon that's hurting your chances more Buster: I didn't ask and I don't care Edie: awh so in love is it Buster: Even if I wasn't, not gonna take advice from you Edie: why not Buster: Not gonna write you a list either Edie: i get laid Edie: by people i ain't related to n all, craziness Buster: Well done Edie: why thank you Buster: Sure your boyfriend wants to talk to you more than I do Buster: So on you go Edie: probably not if he's started without me but you know Buster: Well all the more reason to catch him up then Edie: ha you really don't like me do you Buster: You're not as stupid as you sound Buster: Good to know Edie: its chill b Edie: i dont like me either Buster: Do something about it then Edie: who for? Edie: this cunt Edie: i think not Buster: For you maybe Edie: that's the cunt i was referring to Edie: keep up Buster: You're just being so edgy right now, like Buster: How can I? Edie: we all know u aint vanilla now boy quit playin Buster: You first Edie: what u chattin i'm bein painfully real Buster: You're trying too hard, babe Edie: at what lmao Buster: This game Buster: Been there, done it Buster: You ain't been real this whole convo Edie: tragically i have Edie: soz you found it disappointing but same Buster: Disappointing ain't the word Buster: If you wanna put any in my mouth, try even harder Edie: you should save the wiser older brother bit tho Edie: ur actual sis would probs benefit Buster: I'm not trying to be that for her or you Buster: Unlucky Edie: now who's not being real Edie: it's cute, don't be ashamed Buster: Why should I be real for you? Edie: u shouldn't Edie: just a bit weird to be lecturing me Edie: unless you really tryna kick it daddy and its all do as i say not as i do Edie: i'm with you Buster: Weird ain't the half of what you reckon I am so why do you care? Edie: why do you Buster: Why do I care about you? Buster: Don't be stupid Edie: i'm not u got no reason Buster: Yeah I do Edie: ha sure Buster: Whatever Edie: you're as bad as her aren't you Edie: i got it fucked feeling sorry for you at the start Edie: you gonna chat like family means anything, god, at least i thought you were committed mckenna Buster: She ain't bad, that's your first mistake Buster: She's better than me, that's your second Edie: three strikes and i'm out? Edie: fun Edie: lemme think Buster: If we were playing that you'd have been out ages ago, babe Edie: good to know Edie: underestimated myself again but that's life Buster: I wouldn't know Buster: Not how I'm living Edie: hmm i wouldn't peg you as a total jump the gun cum in your pants type but if you insist Buster: You ain't got a clue how to peg me but it doesn't matter Edie: i been in the know on that but like i said Edie: don't like u like that Buster: Good Edie: lmao gotta draw the line somewhere mckenna Edie: glad to know it's at butt stuff Edie: on that note, peace Edie: my ride here Buster: Bye again Buster: Been a pleasure, obviously Edie: put it on my tab Buster: 'Course

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the-emophoenix-hoard · 7 years ago

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all of the asks? I'm a dick :3

Omg okie

lol I’m assuming you’re the same anon that asked me for all the questions those other times

Im gonna put it under the cut

The meaning behind my url: lol idek, one of my old college frens was hobovampire and I wanted to do something along those lines idk

A picture of me: It won’t let me add one but here http://the-emophoenix.tumblr.com/post/161402700146/i-was-tagged-by-spookyowlfren-idek-i-had-to

How many tattoos I have and what they are: I don’t have any yet

Last time I cried and why: Death of my favourite character in Lost

Piercings I have: Technically two ear piercings but they’ve closed up, I’m planning on getting them redone over the next few weeks

Favourite band: TOP, Linkin Park and Fall Out Boy

Biggest turn offs: idrk I’m ace asf but being a dick make me wanna be as far away from someone as possible

Top 5 (insert subject): you gonna need to give me a subject bruh

Tattoos I want: I want an Undertale heart, the TOP skeleton keys and a watercolour owl

Biggest turn ons: again idrk, but just be nice to everyone and you’ll see people wanna spend more time with you

Age: 19

Ideas of a perfect date: idk bruh

Life goal: Just be happy and safe, and I wanna complete my comic too I need to actually start tho

Piercings I want: I wanna get gauges in both ears and maybe a cartilage piercing too

Relationship status: Single as a pringle my dude

Favourite movie: My inner nerd will always love Transformers and Avatar but Kingsman and p much any Ghibli are my faves

A fact about my life: ummmmm idk lol

Phobia: Falling lol, I’m okie with heights but I panic when I feel like I’m falling, like in planes when they cut the engines for a moment or big rollercoasters, I can’t stand those mental fairground rides

Middle name: Bruh I have 3

Height: around 5′6 I think

Are you a virgin?: Yeeeee boi

What’s your shoe size?: 6 or 7 UK size, depends on the brand

What’s your sexual orientation?: Def asexual but romantically ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Do you smoke, drink, or take any drugs?: I drink sometimes with the gang but never enough to be drunk

Someone you miss: my family mostly

What’s one thing you regret?: Leaving home without waking mum up when my stepdad told me to, he isn’t talking to me now because of it

First celebrity you think of when someone says attractive: Chris Hemsworth or Chris Pratt?? idk I love the marvel bois

Favourite ice cream?: Vanilla and mint choc chip ^w^

One insecurity: I’m worried I’ll never be able to live up to what others think I’m capable of, I’m worried others are gonna leave me too

What my last text message says: I’m proud of you

Have you ever taken a picture naked?: Ew nah

Have you ever painted your room?: Yeee of course

Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?: Nah

Have you ever slept naked?: bruh if you live in a country that normally wet and windy and normally around 15*C and for one week it shoots up to 36*C and you’re telling me you sleep in jammies for that week I wanna see proof

Have you ever danced in front of your mirror?: I don’t think so lol

Have you ever had a crush?: Nah

Have you ever been dumped?: No but I dumped someone else cringe

Have you ever stole money from a friend?: Hell no, why on earth would I steal from my buds?

Have you ever gotten in a car with people you just met?: No stranger danger!!!!! I think I did once tho when my frens were with me and they knew them

Have you ever been in a fist fight?: I think when I was like 7??? I don’t remember but I was v anger child

Have you ever snuck out of your house?: Nah the old man would’ve caught me cos he’s a really light sleeper, I’ve had no reason to either, my parents house is tiny anyway

Have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?: Nope, I’m starting to see a theme with these, wow my life is boring

Have you ever been arrested?: Nah

Have you ever made out with a stranger?: Ew no

Have you ever met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?: sorta ech cringe

Have you ever left your house without telling your parents?: Fuck no! I would’ve been kicked from here to next week

Have you ever had a crush on your neighbour?: Well because all of my neighbours have been creepy weirdos or people I still haven’t met yet since moving into college nahh

Have you ever ditched school to do something more fun?: Yeeee, We finished all our assignments and we had no reason to go to class anymore so we went to the park for an entire day

Have you ever slept in a bed with a member of the same sex?: Sleepovers with the gang of course but not like slept together

Have you ever seen someone die?: No and I hope I never have to

Have you ever been on a plane?: yeyeyeye multiple times, mostly to see family in Sicily, but I’ve been to Greece and Pompeii too

Have you ever kissed a picture?: yeyeyeyeyeyey

Have you ever slept in until 3?: bruh p much every day

Have you ever love someone or miss someone right now?: I love my frens and family equally and I miss the ones I’ve left behind and the ones I can’t be with when we need

Have you ever laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?: yeyeye of course

Have you ever made a snow angel?: Dude snow is my fave

Have you ever played dress up?: Not for a long time lol

Have you ever cheated while playing a game?: Probably???? not for a v long time I think but I can be v competitive

Have you ever been lonely?: All the time rip

Have you ever fallen asleep at work/school?: haha yees

Have you ever been to a club?: yeyeyeey it was good fun but its not really my thing

Have you ever felt an earthquake?: Well I slept through the two I was in when I was younger and some of my classmates swear they felt one when we were in Italy

Have you ever touched a snake?: Gimme the snek!!!

Have you ever ran a red light?: Nah I don’t drive yet

Have you ever been suspended from school?: Nope, I’ve never gone that far

Have you ever had detention?: Many times, and always for stupid things cos my school was way too strict, mostly for missing homework tbh

Have you ever been in a car accident?: Yeee, only a small one tho

Have you ever hated the way you look?: Yeeeeee, I feel way more confident in myself with short hair now

Have you ever witnessed a crime?: I don’t think so, If I have I probs didn’t know it was happening

Have you ever pole danced?: Nope

Have you ever been lost?: Mum driving down to London and many times since leaving home

Have you ever been to the opposite side of the country?: Well I’ve been to Land’s End and Norfolk, but I haven’t been further north than Snowdon, does that count???

Have you ever felt like dying?: Yeep and I came v close to actually doing it during my last month or so at home, my frens were the ones that kept me going, I made a promise

Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?: yeee, Unfortunately

Have you ever sang karaoke?: yeee when Mamma mia came out and Abba was a thing again

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn’t?: Yeeep

Have you ever laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?: Yep and its cos my lil brother did the exact same thing

Have you ever slept with someone at least 5 years older or younger?: Nah

Have you ever kissed in the rain?: Nope

Have you ever sang in the shower?: All the time yeyeye

Have you ever made out in a park?: No am virgin bruh plus ew cringe

Have you ever dream that you married someone?: I think maybe once after going to my cousins wedding

Have you ever glued your hand to something?: I superglued my hand to my shoe while trying to fix a hole in said shoe

Have you ever got your tongue stuck to a flagpole?: No but I dared a fren to and laughed

Have you ever gone to school partially naked?: No? are kids in America okie?

Have you ever been a cheerleader?: Nah, none of my schools have had big enough teams for that

Have you ever sat on a roof top?: Nah but it would be nice to watch the stars from the roof

Have you ever brush your teeth?: Well I’ve been on this planet for nearly 20 years, it would be kinda worrying if I hadn’t yet lol

Have you ever too scared to watch scary movies alone?: Alien, I haven’t been able to watch it all the way through, my mum scarred me lol

Have you ever played chicken?: I think for a school trip into Dartmoor to see who would jump off the highest rock into the gorge pools, I failed lol, I didn’t even want to climb up see Q18

Have you ever been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?: Yep, my swimming club were arseholes

Have you ever been told you’re hot by a complete stranger?: A few times but its mostly when dickheads say it to make me uncomfortable, yeee those guys

Have you ever broken a bone?: I think I fractured my thumb when I was smol and mum thought I fractured my back when I got knocked out for the first time

Have you ever been easily amused?: yee course, thats just me lol

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?: Everytime with @spookyowlfren and too many times with the gang

Have you ever mooned/flashed someone?: probs when I was smol

Have you ever cheated on a test?: Nope, if I have it was never one that mattered

Have you ever forgotten someone’s name?: fuck yes, thank good for name tags

Have you ever met someone who didn’t seem real?: yeyeeyeye and I love them to bits, its always a weird experience meeting with them IRL cos I’m so used to listening to them, its like meeting an old fren you haven’t seen in years even tho we talk every day

Have you ever give us one thing about you that no one knows.: Idrk… I’ve always been really honest with you guys

#ask meme #about bean #long post

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fystarlust · 8 years ago

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1-100 ❤

1. What’s your middle name, and do you like it?Rachel, its okay HAHA2. are you artistic?depends what kind cos i cant draw for shit but i can do makeup??3. Have you had your first kiss?yes4. What is your life goal?be happy5. Do you have any experiences with a famous person?i mean ive seen 5sos 1d and mcbusted in person if that counts6. Do you play any sports?horse riding, i want to play more though i actually really like sports7. What’s your worst fear?demons8. Who’s your biggest inspiration?jacksepticeye9. Do you have any cool talents?my makeup looks great sometimes10. are you a morning person?yes11. How do you feel about pet names?theyre cute to a point, im not about that 'cupcake sprinkle sugar bean' life12. Do you like to read?if the book is good yes13. Name a list of shows that have changed your life.none have changed my life thats a bit far14. Do you care about your follower count?i used to but not anymore15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?i recently dreamt my gf was back home again16. Have you ever kissed someone of your same gender?yes17. Do you have any pets?yes, 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 horse and soon to be 1 hamster18. Are you religious?no lol19. Are you a people person?noooo20. Are you considered popular?considered by who HAHAH bc my gf thinks im pretty cool 💁🏼21. What is one of your bad habits?biting my nails22. What’s something that makes you feel vulnerable?during and after ive had a mental breakdown23. What would you name your children?Lily, Ava24. Who’s your celebrity crush?taeeeee25. What’s your best subject?nothing academic rip26. Dogs or cats?dogs27. most used social media besides tumblr?youtube28. best friends name?ellie29. who does your main family consist of?idk what main family consists of but i see all my family a lot so my mum, brother, dad, grandparents, aunty, uncle, cousins30. Chocolate or sugar?both31. have you ever been on a date?yes32. Do you like roller coasters?some types of them33. Can you swim?ye boi34. What would you do in the event of an apocalypse?i would be a badass mf and protect my loved ones and animals35. Have you struggled with any kind of mental disorder?yes, am currently struggling with a few and likely always will be36. Are your parents together?no37. What’s your favorite color?baby blue38. What country are you from/do you live in?England to both39. Favorite singer?bts40. Do you see yourself being famous some day?nope41. Do you like dresses?yes but i need to work on my confidence when wearing them42. Favorite song right now?deeessspaaacito43. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?yes, very44. How old were you when you first got your period?1245. Have you ever shot a gun?nope46. Have you ever done yoga?yes47. Are you a horror girl?if this means horror film then yes48. Are you good at giving advice?kind of? with some things im not though49. Tell us a story about your childhood.near my house me and my friends had this den that was like a cave in the ground and it was sooo cool we spent hours in there everyday and its still there50. How are you doing today?im okay51. Were you a cute kid?not to be up my own ass but yes52. Can you dance?secretly yes53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?looking after animals54. Have you ever dyed your hair?nope too scared55. What color are your eyes?blue56. What’s your favorite animal?ooooo i cant pick one i have so many57. Have you ever made a huge fool of yourself?lots of times, ellie n jess know this best58. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?its complicated but kind of59. Do you have good friends?wonderful ones60. Are you close with anyone of the lgbtq+ group?yes61. What’s your favorite class?in college it was Zoo Management62. List all the tv shows you are watching.RuPauls Drag Race, The Walking Dead, Your Lie in April63. Are you organized?yes64. What was the last movie you saw? Opinion?i cant remember65. Which tv character do you relate to most?not a tv character but Ryan from BuzzFeed Unsolved is literally me as an asian male68. What are some things that stand between you and complete happiness?my hell brain69. If you received enough money to never need to work again, what would you spend your time doing?travelling with my gf70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?god idk71. What would you do differently if you knew that no one was judging you?iDk72. If you could start over, what would you do differently?i dont like these deep questions73. Would you break the law to save a loved one?yes74. When was the last time you traveled somewhere new?the other week when i went to Wadswick 75. When you think of your home, what immediately comes to mind?my dogs76. What have you done to pursue your dreams lately? How about today?i applied for a hnc77. What did you want to be when you were a kid?a vet78. If you dropped everything to pursue your dreams, what would you be risking?everything?? i dont knOW79. When did you not speak up, when you know you really should have?when i was being bullied, shouldve beat that bitch into the dirt80. Describe the next five years of your life, and your plans, in a single sentence.travel and be happy and be with jess and around animals81. What would happen if you never wasted another minute of your life, what would that look like?well id get a lot more done82. If you could live forever, how would you spend eternity?id spend it with jess then when she died id kill myself HAHAHAH that sounds so dark83. How would you spend a billion dollars?travelling, on a house, animals84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?the past, i dont wanna see the shithole of a future until i have to85. What motivates you to succeed?literally nothing86. What dream that you’ve had has resonated with you the most?a lot of them cos theyre v realistic, i dont like it87. Would you rather live in the city or the woods? Why?woods BUT not a creepy woods where id get killed, just a nice forest, and because i hate how busy cities are88. Do you believe in life after death?im not sure89. What teacher inspired you the most? How did they?none they can all suck my ass90. What’s your fondest childhood memory?the one about the cave den91. If you could have dinner with any one person, living or dead, who would they be and why?jacksepticeye bc i luv him sm92. What would you have to see to cry tears of joy?when people come home from fighting abroad to their kids or dogs93. What is the hardest lesson you had to learn in life?idk how to sum it up94. What do you think happens after we die?i have no idea95. What would you do if you would be invisible?pretend to be a ghost and scare people96. What’s something you can’t do no matter how hard you try?DRAW97. Would you want to choose the sex and appearance of your offspring?no i like surprises98. How did your first crush develop?i cant remember99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?yes always lmao, paranoia, anxiety, worry100. Do you live or do you just exist?so deep oooOoOoooO i dont care

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synchronicityi · 8 years ago

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TELL US ABOUT THE CONCERT FAM I LOVE HEARING THIS SHIT

omgomg ok so i went to both nights.. it was amazing the first night i got there at around 1:08pm and waited for a bit before some of my friends came (people that i made friends with from other shows) and i hung out with them in their line. the first night it was just me and my mum so i was lucky that those people messaged me asking if i was going. (i need concert buddies). anyway i made friends with their friends and jasmine told me that she brought a pride flag (i was so happy) and she was gonna hold it up during girls/girls/boys.

we ended up lining up for merch and it took a hell of a long time, but i got the tour shirt, the crew one and the white one. it was cool bc i saw zack walk by.that dude is awesome.

i was kinda worried that i wouldnt be in the same section as them (bc we had to line up at different doors to get into GA standing) so we made a plan to stand in front of dallon. (best idea ever) so we all got in, i didnt know where they were and the crowd was split in half and made to sit so no one got squished and it kept the venue and everyone in it cool (zack posted a photo of us on the first night on his twitter). i was with my mum in the second half of the crowd, and as soon as the security let everyone stand, i took her hand and we ran into the crowd. it was actually the worst pit experience ive ever had. everyone was hot and sweaty and the support act hadnt even started playing. it was basically a 30+ min wait for them to come on.

tiger town did perform and they were great! it was good to see an aussie band tour around with panic. and then came the 30+ min wait for panic to go on. their roadies were setting up and i saw spud again and zack was walking around which was cool. and i did recognise the guitar techs and all that form their instas. it was pretty surreal.

and then panic came on and i loved it, the energy that B had and dallon and dan (i couldnt see kenny all that much :((( ) but it was a weird feeling, i didnt feel star struck like i expected to feel. i think its from all their live streams that i just accepted them as chill people so i was just casually like “oh yeah, thats dallon weekes and brendon urie, whatever.”

but the whole experience was amazing to say the least. back to the main problem, my mum moved to the back of the crowd so i knew no one there, and i couldnt find my friends. it was around the middle of the set where the crowd started to get crazy, people were getting pulled out and others were passing out and yeah, the security guards had to get into the pit and that pushed everyone around. it almost made us all fall, we were packed in like sardines.

but it was just before girls/girls/boys where i managed to get into the second row from the barricade in front of dallon and then the song started playing and someone pulled out a pride flag. i looked over to the people holding it and it was my friend jasmine and everyone else i knew. i instantly felt better and made myself known. it was probably the best night of my life.

ALSO: after the concert i went to get my bag from the cloak room, and i walked around the building near the side of the venue that wasnt near the main road and i fUCKING MET THE HORN PLAYERS JESSE ERM AND CHRIS. FUCK.

(also i went to the second night in melbourne but i was so exhausted from the first show that i got really sick and spent almost more than half the show at the back trying not to vomit or pass out. that was the night that my cousin and best friend went with me, i wasnt up to it, but it was their first pit concert so i couldnt not go. but i did eventually get better and i went on the far left near kenny and got some good shots so im happy, plus they took awesome photos and shared them with me)

((sorry this was really long and i didnt answer straight away xx))

#im so sorry i ramble a lot #i hope you enjoyed reading though #bloodglitterysuitsandpunkrock #Panic at the Disco #ask #concerts

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isaacathom · 6 years ago

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i had the realisation that Muna Shonyul has probably actually met Baron Brasteon of Dovaldun. he’s here second cousin once removed, which while that’d generally get you a blank stare, considering that Muna’s mother and father were themselves second cousins, this whole family it just generally ~aligned~. Plus there’s the fact that Brasteon became a Baron when he was only 18, and was an only child. to me its not unreasonable that he might be closer to his more distant family because he just DOesnt have that large of a family (aside from his paternal family, who are commoners. there are a fair few in there)

so Muna Shonyul probably treated Brasteon akin to an uncle. One that you don’t see that often, but you still mostly enjoy their company. Brasteon was a very different kind of guy to her father and even her mother, an irreverent goof.

It means she also knew immediately when she saw Brandeon Wardis that he was Brasteon’s son. sure she was only 9 at the time, but she got it. she was 5 when Kiani was born, and 6 for Pazeon. she remembered all that. she knows what her parents look like. She knows that a dark haired dark eyed man and his brown haired blue eyed wife, a red haired red eyed baby makes No sense. And shit, she knows who Brasteon is! She knows that’s exactly what he looks like. She might have even known before Hintero did, depending on the sequence of events directly after Elion had the baby.

It would be pretty fucked up if Muna recognised the baby’s parentage and reported it to her father. Perhaps out a naive confusion (”Why does Mum’s son look like uncle Brasteon?” sort of thing) rather than a malicious intent, but its entirely possible she did that. Muna probably wasn’t aware that Brasteon and Elion had been an item prior to Elion being married to Hintero, so she doesn’t know the history - she’s just reporting what she sees.

though! this does all raise an interesting point. Is Brandeon Wardis a genuine Shonyul if he is descended from a Shonyul? Brasteons’ great grandfather was the Duke of Shonyul (thats the shonyul Hintero and Muna Emaldo are related through as well, again, they’re All second cousins). His grandfather was the one kid in that gen who couldnt get a title off his parents, so married the Baroness of Dovaldun, and so it goes. Naturally Brandeon should be considered a Dovaldun, but a Shonyul? Are the Dovalduns considered Shonyuls, at the very least where their lines merge? (With Brasteon’s death in ~392, the Barony had to go up through the aforementioned Baroness and to her great grand niblings or whatever, so those Dovaldun’s dont mean shit.) surely if Brasteon were considered a Shonyul, he would not have been unceremoniously murdered. That isn’t supposed to happen in a family, especially one where Brasteon was quite present. Then again Muna Shonyul is basically set to kill her own dad so maybe the shonyuls are just like, Fucks.

It’s possible that the main reason Hintero ‘legitimised’ Brandeon (Brandeon was legally his son but socially it was more a ‘i never said he wasnt my son’ thing. legalisation vs decriminalisation or WHATEVER, its close-ish to that). Because even though he is fucking furious about the whole thing, and ends up killing this man who might as well have been a brother, he can’t bring himself to completely destroy his son. its.... maybe a step far. yea he’s gonna treat the boy like shit and all but claim him to be a bastard publicly (after all, in private, the kid was known until like 408 as ‘Warzen’, lit. Bastard. He DID have the nickname ‘tami’ from the Skardels tho), but he won’t kill the boy. ESPECIALLY when te boy says he is a boy and he goes ‘well shit i have a straight niece (cousin once removed but shush) who has an awkward position in succession, now that you’re a guy you’re useful! lets give you a name and get you married’. god Hintero sucks. like he didn’t kill a kid but he saddled the kid with a lot of shit.

its great! its a lot of fun! and i suppose it makes it easier for him to mentally accept that kid as his own when he does share dna with the kid, SORT OF (second cousins once removed, Mother Fuckers, its the absolute Nightmare)

for what its worth, while we’re remembering that Hintero and Brandeon are actually related in a directly traceable way (but not the like dad-son one, oof), even with that connection Brandeon and Stelia were not related. legally they were second cousins (god end me) but they dont have Shit by way of ~the blood~. its great. what a delight.

listen everyones relationships? confusing. weird. nonsense. and hintero’s just an asshole generally, even if you are like a brother to him. fuck if you ARE a brother to him. we don’t talk about the Usals enough but BOY OWDY what the fuck is up with the Usals, huh? whats the story. not only the question of why they dont see to be that prominent despite Baron Daren of Usal literally being Hintero’s brother, but why the Barony of Usal (presumably attached to the Duchy of Shonyul) was only split off in the 380s, rather than 340s for the benefit of the Duke of Shonyul’s third kid, who ended up being the Dovaldun connection. its wild. shit, that third kid, that Lord Shonyul who was Brasteon’s granddad? only died a year after Brasteon did, 320-393.shits wild.

basically Hintero is a huge asshole, barely acknowledges his younger brother and his entire family (probably for the bests, the Usals specifically aren’t Shonyul supporters, and the Birtons who married in are.... democratically inclined, on occasion), killed his second cousin, tormented his second cousin’s kid who was the only son of his second wife and a bastard in that, and just, hooooooo

#story blogging #the fuckers getting whats coming to him is the point. hintero's getting fucked up and its What he Deserves #i need to do hw but i want me to remember that Brasteon is basically Muna's other uncle aside from Daren Usal #and. well... Brasteon is SUPER dead and Muna knows all about it :)

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