#so far it has felt like a balm on my heart

[tempobsessdom]

How is it possible that every single episode of 23.5 Degrees fills me with warmth and fuzzy feels I feel insane

[turvi]

Hi, i really love your ss x reader. MASTERPIECE ✨✨. Can i request this, young severus accidentally shout and slap reader because he is not in the mood to deal with reader after he got bullied by marauders, reader's feeling kinda hurt and she didn't get to tell him she is going to be transferred to other school (beauxbatons) and her feelings. She graduated and become a astronomy professor there after 10 years, then albus wants the reader back to teach at Hogwarts. She then came across into severus, he shocked at her but she just give cold shoulder because of the past. After a few months, Severus then realized what he did to her then says his apologise and his feeling towards reader, he regrets what he did to reader and reader accept it. Kisses and hugs and gazing stars together. You can ignored this if you dont want to or the request is closed😀🔫

TRIGGER WARNING: SLAPPING

She placed her palm on her cheek. It felt warm. But not the one that would comfort her. Tears threaten to spill from her eyes but she closes closes her eyes. She heard him immediately repeating the words sorry but the voice that used to feel like a balm on her pain felt like it was clawing her soul now. Y/n walks away not looking behind, letting her tears fall.

Severus stood there watching the one person who had accepted him turn her back on him. The worst part is that there is no one else to blame but himself. He let the marauders get to him and finally snapped and took it out on Y/n. Part of him wanted to go after her but he knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness.

The following days were hell for Severus. Hogwarts had already been hell for him and Y/n his warm sunshine that helped him get through this hell. But he doesn't have anyone else to blame except himself for how her eyes avoid him as if they were strangers and had not shared their secrets under moonlight far away from everyone. What makes it worse he has not seen her at all. He has looked for her everywhere but no trace of his beloved.

That was until one night he was walking in the corridor and bumped into Dumbledore. The headmaster of Hogwarts felt his heart break as Severus seemed more pale than usual. "Severus, what are you doing here so late at night."

"I don't feel like sleeping" his voice was hoarse

"Are you unwell?"

Severus huffed, he just wanted to have one glance at Y/n. "No...I". Severus couldn't even gather the courage to look into Dumbledore's eyes. He was ashamed of what he had done.

"Severus...what is the matter," Dumbledore asked calmly

Severus groaned, admitting defeat to his inner demons "I can't find Y/n. I messed up....well that is an understatement. I....." He felt tears threatening to leave his eyes but ultimately he couldn't stop the tears when he felt Dumbledor's walk palm on his arm.

"I raised hand at my Y/n....I slapped her." he acknowledged it. Severus couldn't understand if that made it better, but he hated this feeling. He couldn't stop the tears falling down his cheeks. He expected Dumbledore to yell at him, scream at him but he put his hands on his arms.

"Why?"

Severus gulped "The marauders. They got on my nerves. I didn't mean to-" he clenched his eyes "It doesn't matter. I can't find her. I have to talk to her."

"Severus..."

His heart drops. Severus could feel an uneasy heat in his body. "you know where she is"

"She has been transferred to Beauxbatons. She asked me to do so."

Severus sinks down to the floor. He had lost her and now all he could do was stay in darkness and watch time pass by. Dumbledore walks away after all time heals all wounds.

---------

Time didn't heal Severus' wounds. As each year passed he couldn't care less about living. But he lives...he lives for his duty, he lives for the slight hope that maybe he will see her again. Perhaps he will get to hold her in her arms and let her know that he will spend the rest of his life and the lives after that just to let her know how much he loves her, he lives for her.

Just as Severus begrudgingly made his way to the great hall he heard a familiar voice. No. No, it can't be.

He has never run so fast recently, maybe just in youth to escape Potter and his friends. Severus saw her. There she was standing, with warm sunshine bathing her. Y/n L/n. His hand clenched when his eyes fell on her cheeks. Severus is familiar with the feeling of self-hatred, but he loathes himself forever raising his hand to her. So even if his heart was screaming to run to her and take her in his arms, he knew your love for him ended right here in this corridor.

Y/n's eyes fell on him. His heart breaks as her smile drops. Severus knew he deserved it. Suddenly there is a familiar burn on his arm, he endures it. It's a risk he is willing to take to let her know he regrets what he did. "Y/n" his voice boomed across the corridor, she ignores the familiar chill that ran down her spine.

"Severus?" He immediately stopped. It was like she had control over his body. Her eyes. Severus wished he could stop time just so he could look into her eyes, hoping to find a sliver of love for him.

Severus didn't know how to win your heart back. She was about to speak up when he got on his knees, looking at her defeatedly. For the first time since becoming a death eater, Severus looked weak as he looked for mercy from the woman in front of him.

"Severus! What are you doing?" she immediately ran towards him

"Please forgive me." he folds his hand

"Severus...get up"

"There was not one second where I did not regret my action. I love you Y/n...I really do. I shouldn't have raised my hand on you. I don't ever want to raise my hand at you. Please even if you will never love me...please forgive me...I can't live like this." his voice cracks

Y/n looks at him. Even though she missed him, he still broke her heart.

"Say something, please," Severus asked desperately. "I can tolerate anything but not this silence. I have hurt you my love I know. But please give me one chance. One chance to prove how much I regret breaking your heart...how much I love you."

Y/n wipes tears from his cheeks that Severus didn't know were there. "one chance"

---------------

Severus held her hands as he gently tugged her towards the Astronomy Tower.

"Wasn't it enough that I have to spend my day here now you bring me here at night?"

He softly smiles, his velvety voice feeling like a warm blanket to Y/n "I am here making an effort to earn your apology. It doesn't matter how many years it takes but I will do everything to show you how much I mean it."

Severus' breath shuddered as he felt her lips on his forehead. He held back his urge to hold her. Not now. There will be time for that. For now, he was happy to sit beside her and listen to her talk as the stars glimmered in the night sky.

A/N: I am so sorry for the late response I have a big dissertation going on. REBLOG AND COMMENTS APPRECIATED

[inupibaldspot]

Curse Me If You Must

Character: Geto Suguru x Reader

Note: Angst! With also major spoilers. I was about to write a Yuta fluff but then I just saw a Geto edit and led me to write this.

You nervously stared at Gojo who was standing confidently with a smile on your face while you held a combination of stationaries; Pens,erasers,a book and a compass while Shoko stared with an amused yet curious look.

“Ready?” You asked but then you didn’t wait for a confirmation from Gojo as you threw them at him; a real battle field would be so much less merciful and you guys learned it the hard way after the star plasma, Amanai Riko was killed. That definitely left a hole in everyone’s heart, everyone who had a heart to care at least.

You let out a sigh of relief as the eraser was the only one who was able to reach Gojo and the other which was much sharper was held at a distance. Shoko let out a impressed whistle. “Me next but then I won’t be telling you when I’m gonna throw ‘em at you.”

“Go for it!” Gojo smirks.

You took a step back and another one before you finally completely turn away and walk towards a figure who was sitting in a bench a distance away. A person who , in the past at least ,always had a ego centric sharp look yet would speak with a teasing tone, a person who you would do everything for. “Suguru, you good?”

Geto finally looks up as if he had been called from a trance. He gives you a small smile as he raises his hand and reaches out for your as he ever so gently he takes your hand and gives your hand a kiss. “Just…” His voice was low as if all the energy was drawn from him. “Thinking…”

You hum. “Gojo seems as if he has mastered his technique. Quite impressive.” You wait for a reply but then it never comes as you peer over to Geto. The last mission seemed as if it took a huge chunk of damage to especially Geto; ever since the failed mission he seemed so distant, his head seemed to be jumbled with thoughts he’d never share to any of them…even you.

“Say Suguru… What does a curse taste like?”

Geto’s posture straightens as he looks at you, his tired eyes widened before a smile from you manages to let the tension leave his shoulders. “It’s fucking disgusting…” he lets out a laugh. “As if a rag had been used to clean up vomit; I have to eat it over and over and over again…”

You look away.

Geto wonders if what he said made you disgusted with him but in truth you were guilty . You said you loved Geto but it took an embarrassing long time to notice how whenever Geto were to swallow a curse call he would hesitate and when he did swallow would have his eyes shut.

When you did notice it , you were scared to ask him as if you were scared that you’d be stepping far too deep into his comfort zone. “Did you swallow one in the morning mission you had to go on?”

“I did…”

You look at Shoko was now fed up on trying to throw things at Gojo and now blatantly trying to break his limitless barrier with the compass; the duo completely distracted. You turn swiftly as you place your hands on either side of Geto as it rests on the bench as you let your lips rest on his. As you back away, he lets in a sharp inhale. “Would this help?”

Geto felt his eye burn as his heart seems to surrender its self; he tastes bit of the lip balm you used on his lips. “It does…” It doesn’t, the disgusting taste was so far deep down that the taste and stench seemed to have made itself home. “Thank you, my love.”

“I’m worried,Suguru…” You intertwine your pinky with his which was resting on the bench. “You’re simply just too kind so I’m worried your filled with guilt and regret. The incident wasn’t your fault, remember that.”

It was though. He thinks. Riko was with him yet she was killed in-front of his eyes not even a step away from him.

“You don’t have to give anything back, Suguru.” Your voice seemed weak and unsure, you were treating him like a ticking time bomb. “Use me, Suguru. If you think I can do anything for you, use me; suck me dry for every part of me is yours…it doesn’t matter if I get hurt in the process or if what you want is something simple as a kiss after you eat a curse.”

Geto almost trembles as he looks at you but you were still looking away,no… you were looking up at the sky but the way your eyes were glistening with tears was obvious. “Let me love you if you must…curse me if you must but please… don’t leave me alone…”

Don’t leave me alone you said. Geto thinks but then now here he stand unmoving; a strong stench of the morgue overcomes his senses but he pays no heed. A mission you had been sent to was a mistake, a curse which should have been to taken down a measly second grade curses escalated into a special grade unregistered curse.

His eyes remains focused on you who now rest unmoving on the morgue, your eyes closed mouth slightly open with the rest of your body covered in a white fabric. Behind him he feels the stare of Gojo and Shoko waiting for a reaction but he gives none. Geto Suguru was simply too tired. I should have also told you weren’t allowed to leave me. A binding vow should have been made. Another drop of regret falls into a bucket which was already too full which makes a ripple.

It was then and there Geto makes a choice; a choice which stirs the jujutsu world for years to come.

[happyhauntt]

if my wish were granted — nikolai lantsov

series masterlist | writing masterlist | askbox

─── summary: anya likes teasing nikolai. it’s far too easy to get under his skin. this time, enjoying some peace aboard the Volkvolny, anya claims that she prefers sturmhond’s rugged looks over nikolai’s princely features.

─── pairing: nikolai lantsov & anya kamenev (original character.)

─── warnings: fluff, a lil angst if you squint, this is steamy with sexual references but no actual smut, i'd still put it as 18+ just in case, pre-established relationship, this might be the closest to smut i've ever written and i need validation so please tell me i did a good job even if it's a lie, mentions of past injury. oh and krysa = rat.

─── word count: 1.4k.

     The gentle rocking of the ship is a soothing lullaby to Anya. Curled up and warm beneath silk blankets, she feels like she is small again and her mother is humming a sweet Old Ravkan song in her ear, familiar and strange all at once.

     Her mother, of course, did no such thing in Anya's youth — all those nursemaids and nannies — but the rhythm of it is still a balm on her soul. The rocking of the ship, the steady beat of Nikolai's heart beneath her cheek, the scent of saltwater on his skin. This is home, she thinks. She has never felt contentment like this before. She fears she never will again.

     Nikolai stirs beneath her. He toys absently with the loose locks of her hair, curling honey-coloured strands around his fingers. A soft smile stretches over his face, and when he speaks, his voice is low and husky with the remains of sleep. "What are you thinking about?"

     She looks up at him, so close she can feel the warmth of his breath on her face. His lips brush her hair as he speaks, and something lights up inside her chest. A spark she prays will never go out. A sense of safety that settles over her only when he is near.

     She doesn’t respond at first. She raises her hand, draws a gentle line down his face, from his brow to his chin. Nikolai shivers beneath her touch. Her finger lingers on his nose for a few moments, brushing lightly over the tailored crookedness of it. Nikolai tilts his chin and kisses her fingertip.

     “Not much,” she says, finally, and it’s the truth. Her mind feels fuzzy and warm, and the air in the cabin smells like candle wax and salt. Though their country is wartorn and her thoughts are forever occupied with other, more pressing matters — here and now, her mind is quiet. Anya will savour this bliss, these fleeting moments of peace between them, for as long as she can. It is the only time he belongs to her, and nobody else.

      His grin is wide and smug and edged with lovesickness. The tips of his fingers draw abstract shapes on the bare skin of her shoulder. “That’s quite an achievement. I must have done a fantastic job, if you’ve managed to lose your thoughts. I had worried it couldn’t be done.”

     Anya scowls mockingly at him, but she cannot fight the smile that curls at the edge of her lips. “Alright then, sobachka, you asked for it. I was just thinking that I quite prefer your nose like this. All rugged and handsome.”

     He chuckles, a deep, rumbling sound that makes Anya’s stomach do somersaults. Muddy green eyes rove over her, as familiar to her now as Nikolai’s usual hazel. “I think I prefer when you used to call me krysa.”

     “Ah,” she says, “but I didn’t kiss you then, did I? I’d call you krysa and push you into the nearest puddle. And you certainly weren’t this handsome then. You were still a boy, prim and proper and clean-cut.”

     "But I was a soldier, darling, and you did manage to fall madly in love with me.” A muscle jumps in his jaw, and Anya feels like she’s won some kind of prize. “Is that not ruggedly handsome enough for you?"

     "I'm in love with you, am I? That's news to me."

     A low growl rolls through Nikolai’s chest and suddenly she's beneath him. He hovers over her like a Saint of all things unholy, propped up on his palms with a wicked grin slashed across his mouth, and he kisses her deeply, tongue lashing over hers before he trails lower, peppering open-mouthed kisses over her jaw, her chest, her stomach.

     A calloused hand wraps gently around her thigh. The rings studding his fingers are cold against her skin. He kisses her broken knee, softly, reverently. Looks up at her through heavy-lidded eyes. "How is it now?"

     "Much better." It had never healed right, but the pain of it doesn’t bother her much anymore. Anya is a soldier, after all. The salty breeze and the warmth of the air have eased the brittleness of her bones. Ravka's cold will be the death of her someday, she's sure.

     The scar that remains is little more than a puckered white line, disguising the sort of damage that will never go away, not completely. She had a cane made for when the pain is at its worst, when the chill makes her bones feel like knives beneath her skin and she can no longer put on a brave face. For the most part, it remains hidden out of sight. She despises feeling weak.

     "We're about an hour out from port," Anya murmurs, as Nikolai trails another line of kisses up her body. He ignores her for a moment, choosing to wrap her leg around his waist instead, humming against the column of her throat. "We should get dressed."

     His heart sinks at her words, and he buries his face in her neck. He feels her hand curling into his hair, stroking idly through tailored-red strands, and he wishes there was some way to stop time.

     He wants to press his lips to hers and kiss her until she's breathless. Wants to fuck her hard into the mattress until the rest of the world melts away and there's just this room and him. Wants to make her come so many times she can't remember her own name. Anything to keep her for a moment longer, soft and safe and happy, where the hell of reality can't touch her.

     But Nikolai has no such power, and in the next moment Anya is pushing him away, shimmying out from under him until she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, feet planted firmly on the floor. He reaches out with desperate hands, tries to latch them around her waist, but Anya merely casts an apologetic glance over her shoulder.

     The battle is lost, Nikolai knows, and so he sighs. Settling back on his elbows, he watches her retrieve some of their discarded clothes from the floor.

     “You look better in my clothes than I do,” he tells her as she tugs his shirt down over her head. She turns to face him, silhouetted against the golden light as it spills through the window. His shirt is long and loose on her, gaping at the chest where she’d pulled the ties undone. The hem just brushes the top of her thigh, leaving the rest of her long legs exposed in a way that leaves him breathless.

     She reaches up and sweeps her hair out of the collar, allowing it to fall in tangled curls down her back. “That’s because I’m wearing them, and you’re not. Up now, Kolya. Procrastinating will not make me stay longer; we both have schedules to keep.”

     When the Volkvolny finally docks in the port at Os Kervo, Nikolai kisses Anya just before she reaches the gangway. He keeps a tight grip on her waist but his lips are soft, tender, and Anya knows that if kisses could have a flavour, this one would taste of sadness.

     Saying goodbye is always the hardest part.

     When he pulls away, finally, he keeps her close. Their foreheads press together and his eyes are closed, as if he can keep her that way, as if the secret to making her stay is pretending she will always be there.

     She runs her thumb over the bridge of his nose, over the knots of ill-healed bone that Tolya put there, to disguise Nikolai’s true features. When he opens his eyes, they are green and not hazel, and a bolt of grief streaks through her. She misses them. She misses him, so much, and he is still here.

     She wonders if there will ever come a time when one of them isn’t always leaving.

     Two weeks after she leaves, a letter from Tamar appears, delivered with the rest of Anya’s correspondance. Her laughter peels out of her office and if her employees wonder what has made their boss, usually so stern and sober, sound so utterly giddy, then none of them mention it.

     Please tell the captain that you think he’s handsome as-is, Tamar writes. He keeps goading Tolya into actually trying to break his nose. Anya laughs until tears drip from her chin and the ink smears across the page. And if her next letter to Nikolai is a little more complimentary than usual, well, that’s a sacrifice she is willing to make.

[siriuslylu]

constellation - wolfstar microfic - word count: 2055

Remus entered the room looking down, deep in thought.

“Moony! What’s with the face?” asked James, he got to the room a little bit before him and was heading to his bed.

Remus looked at him, really looked, James, one of his best friends, gigantic heart, patient like no one else, he was always on the front line for his friends, always a kind word, a soft look, a good ear. Figured if he could talk to anyone, it’d be him, and found out he was actually itching to get it out of his system.

So, he sighed and walked his way.

“Prongs, actually, can I talk to you for a minute? Where you going somewhere?”

“Oh, sure Moons! I was looking for my gloves before heading to the Quidditch field, but it’s only me practicing so I got time, what’s up?”

He took a moment, he was actually gonna do it, it seemed easier in his head, but right now, he felt suddenly nervous. James encouraged him to sit on the bed with him.

“Well? What’s on your mind?”

“Prongs, I-“, he licked his lips.

His friend frowned, “Remus, should I worr-“

“IlikeSirius”

A moment of silence.

“What?”

He took a deep breath again, closing his eyes and sighed heavily while opening them

“I… I like Sirius”

“O…kay? Me too?”

“No, Prongs… I… like him. As in… I’m a little bit in… love with him”

“You… WHAT?!”

He panicked, has it been a mistake? Should he backtrack and say it was a joke?

Seeing Remus’ face, James hurried to clarify

“Wait, no, I, sorry Moons, I didn’t mean to be rude, it just… took me by surprise I guess, umm, wanna tell me a bit more?”

Okay, maybe it wasn’t all lost, he could do it.

“I don’t really know when… I just…” he couldn’t find the words, hasn’t thought this far through honestly, and what exactly did he feel for his friend? How could he explain? “I really don’t know when it changed, one day he was just my friend, the next day I realised I was somehow upset? whenever I saw him with girls or whatever, figured it was because I didn’t want him to spend less time with us, and then, suddenly one day, I saw hip applying lip balm and thought ‘huh, how would it feel to kiss the strawberry off his lips?’ And stilled, because you just don’t think things like that about your friends; after that it all went down, I saw him everywhere all the time, and it… it wouldn’t stop, every normal thing he did was suddenly huge, I couldn’t stop staring at him, watching his hands gesticulate when he talked, his cheeky smile when he thought of a prank, the length of his bloody eyelashes, it was so frustrating, I started to blush whenever I heard him laugh, I think I’m going insane” he looked up to find his friend gaping at him with wide eyes “oh, sorry, I guess it was too much?”

James got out of his trance and looked at him softly smiling that warm James Potter smile “no Moons, not too much, just surprised you… felt that way, I can see you really need to get it out”

“I feel like vomiting, both literally and figuratively, are you… weirded out?”

He saw his friend think for a moment before shaking his head

“No, not really” he frowned a bit and relaxed “it actually makes sense, you two are very close, I know how people usually feel about umm queerness, but you’re my friend Moony” he grabbed his hand and squeezed it “you’re my best friend, how could I be weirded out by you? I know you, it’s not typical, yeah, but who am I to tell someone who should or shouldn’t fancy or love?”

Remus sighed again, he felt a huge backpack off his shoulders “thanks Prongs, you’re an amazing friend, you knew that?”

He saw him shrug confidently “so I’ve been told” and looked at him again in that soft way he had reserved for his friends “Moony, are you going to tell him?”

And there it was, his biggest fear, she shook his head sadly

“No, I don’t think so, how would you feel if suddenly your guy best friend confessed?”

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t want him suffering in silence, I mean, I’d prefer to know I guess”

“Is not that easy, I don’t wanna ruin our friendship”

“You don’t think he can feel the same way?”

He snorted, yeah sure, as if Sirius Black could like him

“No way, first of all, have you seen how many girlfriends he’s had? And second of all, have you seen me?”

That put a deep defensive frown in his friend’s face

“What do you mean have I seen you? What’s wrong with you?”

“How much time do you have” he said rolling his eyes

“Moony, you’re amazing, and handsome, even I can admit that, don’t think so low of you”

“Well, still, I don’t think he likes blokes so…”

“Have you asked him?”

“Of course not”

“Then?”

He sighed “it’s… complicates Prongs, I’d rather keep his friendship intact, I really don’t know how could he react or what he could think of me”

“Give him more credit, he wouldn’t push you off”

“It’s easy to say when the feelings are not towards you”

A moment of silence, then James broke it looking at him

“Okay Moons, tell me then”

“What?”

“Whatever you want to, everything, take it off your chest, tell me everything you feel about him, what would you tell him if you could”

“That might really freak you out”

“It won’t, I promise, you need to let it out”

A moment

“Okay, I-“ he felt suddenly a bit shy, but he stared at his hands, it’d be just like talking to his journal, he thought, James was giving him the space he needed and maybe it’d help him, maybe if he wasn’t full of it he could actually look at Sirius and not feel like a ticking bomb. “You know summer evenings? When you’re just laying on the grass watching the water in the lake as still as it can get, feeling the warm breeze caress your hair, the last rays of sunshine in your face? Right in that golden hour when everything’s at peace, when the world stops for a minute and you feel the happiest you’ve ever been and will ever be, that nothing can go wrong and life is wonderful?”

“Yeah”

“That’s how I feel when I look at him, he feels like a summer evening every time I see him smile, I feel like I could do everything in life if say or do something that makes him laugh, like I’d trade everything I own for him to throw his head back and explode in laughter without other care in the world, he feels… safe, like home, like I could sleep in the curves of his curls. Watching his eyes go from blue to gray in cold days is like getting to know the best kept secret, I could trace by memory every mole, I could chart all his freckles and create the most beautiful constellations, I could listen to him talk about anything and everything like he’s my favourite record, I- as you can see I can become the sappiest idiot, I swear, the girls wouldn’t rival me” he chuckled.

A minute and he looked up to find James looking at him with the saddest smile.

“Moons…” he said in a whisper “that’s… you’re… that was beautiful. Are you absolutely sure he wouldn’t feel the same way?”

He opened his mouth to refute again, when the wardrobe door beat him, opening slowly. Everything stilled, the world paused, he was pretty damn sure even time stopped, because there, inside, was Sirius Black himself, looking fragile, face unreadable full of feelings, Remus thought he was going to die right then and there, he could barely speak

“Si-Sirius, I-“

A hand on halt and he closed his mouth instantly, next to him James held his breath

“Padfoot? What were you doing there?”

“Did you… mean all that?” Said ignoring James and holding Remus’ gaze

“I-“

“Did you?” Said hurriedly

There was no point in lying now, cards where on the table apparently, and if he was lucky, at least he might even instead of losing

“I- Yes Sirius I- I meant all of it” said closing his eyes “but you don’t- please I can’t-“ he opened them up again and grew wide when he saw tears in the corner of his friends eyes “Siriu-“

“I would…”

Silence

“I would feel the same way… just so you know”

“You… what?”

A chuckle

“I didn’t think you could feel the same way I did”

“You…?!”

“Padfoot you like Moony back?” Asked James excitedly, both friends looked at him then and he felt out of place “oh I umm, sorry, got carried away, of course you can talk about it without me here, I’ll just, uh, go” he went for the door when he heard Sirius calling

“Prongs”, as he turned, a pair of gloves flew to him, caught them just in time, “I was actually hiding to scare you the moment you came looking for them, I was about to jump when moony came in.

“Oh” he snorted, “well, thanks, I’ll be on the field if you guys need me, yeah?”

“Sure pal”

James left the room and suddenly, the air thickened

“Remus, look at me?”

He did, and oh he was doomed, those eyes held the entire universe in them

“Moony, my Moony” Sirius approached carefully and sit on the spot James left “how… how long?”

Remus took a breath “I really don’t know… Way too bloody much though” he chuckled “you… you really…?”

“Yes”, no hesitation

“How? When? How? I mean…”

Sirius shrugged, “I don’t know, I guess since the beginning but I didn’t notice until we grew up a bit more, I always found you handsome but… liking you? A while ago, I wanted to be with you all the time, and you’re the first one I wanna show a new song, or talk about my day, I think of you every time there’s chocolate cauldron and save one up in case you get late for lunch, it’s happened since forever. I just didn’t think you….”

“Yes”, his turn to be firm about it

A minute

“Could you really map a constellation from my freckles?”, Sirius joked, because of course he could

“I can”

“Show me”

“Well”, he started drawing lines in his face, slowly, softly, actually enjoying the fact that he could touch him this intimately “it starts with this one here, under your eye, right to this one on the top of your nose, up to the bigger one on your cheekbone, and back to the centre of your lower lip”

He stopped there for a second, and when he was about to move away, Sirius kissed his finger softly, Remus’ breath hitched as he looked at him, then Sirius grabbed his hand, opening it fully and kissing it

“Moony”

And that was it, he wasn’t about to wait any longer, Remus cradled his face, got closer but stopped an inch away, looking into Sirius eyes for something that’d stop him, he couldn’t find anything, just saw him closing his eyes and a second later the distance there was left.

Kissing Sirius Black felt like nothing he’s ever experienced before, his lips were soft and moved carefully around his, felt him open his mouth, and the moment he tasted his tongue knew there was no going back, he’d never feel this again with anyone, it was as if a supernova exploded in his chest, he felt like crying, and laughing, and breathing, and dying and living all at the same time, actually, he was probably doing all of it.

They separated a little bit, Sirius moved forward again and pecked him, and pecked him, and pecked him again, as if making sure it was real, Remus giggled and pecked him back, just because he could, and when their eyes met, they smiled

“If I’m your summer evenings, to me, you’re the rest of the days and nights”

And oh, he loved summer

———

English is not my first language, so please forgive grammar mistakes, also idk if 2000 words count as “microfic” lol but thanks for reading 🌻

[icallhimjoey]

YES! yes hurt me won with 82.4% and i cant WAIT to cry over bookstore joey once more! he has my full heart and i need him to violently sob over me whilst clinging on and telling me he loves me: bitch, do you worst!

HURT ME!

fine, bitch. just know that i hurt my own feelings writing this, and none of you will be eligible for compensation :) here's the bit of when bookstore!joe and you had the saddest fight you'd ever had with him from the series A Whisper Away - enjoy Wordcount: 4.1K

---

But, I Love You

Date night.

You weren’t meant to be screaming at each other on date night. You rarely ever had date nights to begin with... maybe that was why you weren’t any good at them. But this disastrous? Neither of you had seen it coming.

Joe’d decided to mark a random Friday night in July in both your calendars as date night. With the store and the apartment empty, tidied up, and void of any immediate responsibility, you took a lot longer to get ready than you’d usually take.

Put some music on and took time to slowly do your make-up and to blend properly for once. Not that you looked any different in the end. You’d just been slower. Hadn’t rushed yourself until Joe said, “I’ll wait downstairs,” and you saw him walk past the opened bathroom door in a black trench coat.

You were going to look far too casual next to him in what you had on, so you quickly rushed your lip balm, sprayed your face with setting spray and went to find something else to wear. Something more sleek, and shinier, and... more black, for easy elegance.

You still looked casual.

Knew you’d look it especially next to Joe.

Didn’t know how to match Joe in smartness, even if you tried.

It wasn’t really a fair race if you were honest – fancy actor on a steady climb to more exciting things and bookstore owner that relished in the silence and comfort written words brought.

When you made your way down the stairs, out of the clouds of scents that hairspray, bodylotion and perfume left lingering, it was nice to step into the scent of books. Of old paper, and wooden shelves and old leather armchairs.

You weren’t going to lie, you amped that shit up by placing strategic scented candles around – never to be lit without supervision. Obviously.

Stepping into the store front, you expected Joe to maybe be tidying a little, like either of you would often do if you were in there for a little longer than a minute after closing. Straighten some shelves, pile some stray books that were left near the till, or even sweep the walkways a little.

Instead, Joe was just sat in one of the armchairs and seemed lost in thought. Not on his phone. Not holding a book. Just, looking up and around, but eyes quickly found you once you stepped into view.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he smiled, pushed his cheeks up and turned his eyes into slits.

“Sorry for making you wait,” you said, going to collect your keys from one of the drawers.

“That’s ok, we’ve got some time ‘til the reservation, we could even walk if we wanted,”

Rummaging, you noticed the keys to the front door weren’t where you thought you’d left them.

“Have you seen the–”

You heard them jingle in Joe’s hand before you looked up and smiled. Joe was already standing by the door.

“Walking’s fine, although, maybe not for the way back,” you said, revealing your heeled ankle boots when you stepped around the counter. “Or you’d have to be all right with holding me upright the whole way back,”

“Hmh, sounds romantic,”

“We’ll have eaten; you’ll be sluggish, and I’ll be extra heavy,”

“Yea, maybe not,” Joe said around a laugh, doorhandle in hand.

“Where are we going, again?” you slung an arm into a jacket. Sure, it was July, but it had been abnormally cold for the time of year. Felt more like autumn. Looked more like autumn too – grey skies, wet streets, wind.

When you mentioned the restaurant he picked, you froze.

Made eye-contact.

Dropped your shoulders.

Groaned as you tilted your head.

“Are you joking?”

Joe gave an awkward chuckle, looked confused. “Why would I be joking? You know I know Maurice,”

The head chef.

“Yea, but that’s like... that place is one big room with window’s all ‘round. Can we not go? Not there, anyway? You’ll be stared at all night.”

You would both be stared at all night.

Joe just shrugged. Scrunched his nose up a little.

“So? Let them stare. I’ll only have eyes for you anyway.”

And you knew it was meant to be cute. Meant to make your stomach twist and have it flutter with butterflies, because your boyfriend just said he wouldn’t even notice people paying attention to him because he only wanted to pay attention to you. It should have made you smile, giggle, blush a little, but instead, it made you grimace.

“Joe,” you pleaded. “It’s Friday as well.”

“It’ll be fine,” Joe said, voice carrying humour as he wildly beckoned you towards the door that he was still holding open, hoping that you’d step through already so he could lock it behind you.

You didn’t move, though.

“No, please, I’m seriously not... I don’t want to go out with Joe Quinn,”

Joe sighed. Let his head drop.

“Have my family group chat fill with photos of us with our mouths half open shoveling pasta in – that’s not,” you sighed. “That’s no fun for me, I’ll be on edge all night eyeing for girls who secretly have their phones out... can we just...” you looked around the store. “Can we maybe get take out and have a meal in here? Do a cute picnic?”

Joe grew more annoyed by the second and slowly closed the door. Turned to stand in front of it, both hands in his pockets, and then was quiet for a bit as he looked at you. After a few seconds he shrugged, and you knew he meant, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?

“We don’t have to have it in here,”

The bookstore had been a touchy subject for a while now. But you’d changed the opening times for Joe – you were now closed on Sundays, and you opened late on Monday morning. And Anne worked the most hours she’d ever worked, because financially that was easy to manage now, and that also it meant that you didn’t have to work late every day.

You hadn’t wanted to change the opening times initially. Felt like Joe was forcing you out of your job, what with him wanting to move out of the apartment above it as well and all. But two weeks in, you had a whispered conversation in bed in which you confessed that it was nice to be able to stay in bed a little longer on Sundays. Have slow breakfasts together. Have Anne do the things you’d normally do after opening hours during her shift. Joe’d only made fun for a second, made you tell him he was right and wouldn’t stop poking you in the ribs until you squealed the words out.

“We could also... go someplace else?” you were the one to shrug this time, but yours was more unsure, more hopeful because you wanted Joe to smile and say, “Sure, of course, whatever makes you feel more comfortable.”. That wasn’t what you got, though.

Before Joe said anything, he pushed both heels of his hands into his eyes.

Fuck.

You were going to have a fight. You didn’t know if Joe knew, but pushing his palms into both eyes was his tell.

“No, never mind,” you quickly backtracked.

You’d sit in a restaurant on edge all night if it meant evading a fight.

“Let’s go,” you stepped closer, wanted to reach for the door behind Joe, but he didn’t move. Instead, he grabbed the arm that reached and stilled you.

“What is it...” Joe started, eyes still closed. “What is it about– why can’t we...” he searched for the right words.

“We can,” you tried, but they were the wrong words if you were to go by the grip that strengthened on your arm.

“Clearly we can’t, I’m not... I’m not going to take you somewhere you don’t want to go,” he looked at you then, eyes all sad but definitely annoyed. “It’s just, it's the reasoning is what gets me, doesn’t it?”

Not a question for you to answer.

“It’s like you don’t want to be seen with me, so, then what? We just never go out for a meal ever again?”

That’s not what you meant.

“That’s not what I–”

“Can’t go out with Joe Quinn on the off chance that someone recognises me,”

Joe said it like that had never happened before. Like there weren’t still people visiting the bookstore on the daily in the hopes of running into Joe. Like there weren’t girls who walked past the windows and peered inside to make sure Joe wasn’t in before they’d look away again. Like every conversation you had with a stranger didn’t at some point suddenly turn into a question-and-answer session about Joe that you didn’t know how to politely get out of.

“Joe,” you tried for the door again, but Joe was the one to step further into the store now, signaling he wasn’t planning on stepping out with you just yet.

“I’ve been out, had dinner at lovely restaurants like... six or seven times this past month, and, I’ve not been bothered by anyone. No, I did, maybe once, but it was fine, it’s always kind people, nothing bad,”

“No, I know,” you didn’t know, but you wanted this to stop just as quickly as it had started.

“Never mind what I said, you’re probably right, let’s get going,” you gestured at the door, but didn’t step closer. You needed Joe to give you an inch before you’d do so.

Joe didn’t give you an inch. Sighed deeply instead and stared out the window a second.

“Sometimes... sometimes I think you don’t want this,”

Joe was right. You didn’t want to go out with your boyfriend and have people ogle all night. You didn’t want Joe to be all glossy and clean shaven and styled in a coat worth two grand, no matter how good he looked. You didn’t like Joe gone half the year, and didn’t like Joe growing in his success because that only meant more of all the negative things.

You wanted Joe soft and scruffy, with a book in his lap, sat in one of the armchairs in the window on a slow Tuesday morning when you’d get to make coffee for him and when Anne would tell you to stop staring at him because it was weird.

“That you don’t want to still do this with me,”

Oh.

No. No, you did want that.

“No, I do want that.” You were quick to state. Had to let Joe know that you did want to be with him.

“Yea, but,” Joe gestured. Meant, then what the fuck is it with you not wanting to go out for dinner with me?

You sighed a long breath, one that turned into a grunt at the end.

“It’s just that... I’m not in the mood to go for dinner with the whole world, you know?” because pictures would get taken and would circle the globe in TikTok videos where they’d zoom in and out set to music. “I just want to have a nice meal with you...”

“Which is what I planned for,”

“Yea, but...” you tilted your head. Gave Joe a face with scrunched up eyebrows. Joe knew you meant that that’s not how things worked out there. Going out in a busy area where Joe had had his picture taken in the streets before was the opposite of going for a quiet meal together.

It was quiet for a bit, and you hoped that maybe the cogs in Joe’s mind would guide him into making a decision. You’d go with either one. Would sit in a popular restaurant with him. Would have your picture taken by a sneaky phone badly hidden behind a music. Would much rather go somewhere where they could hide the two of you in the back somewhere, but, whatever Joe’d choose, you decided you were just going to go with it.

Was easier that way.

But Joe stayed silent. Stared at the floor a second.

“Remember that first year of us knowing each other?” you suddenly said, hoping to shift the mood. “Where you’d come in and would just... be around? Before we even had Anne working here?”

It was the weirdest but also the best time you think you’d ever had in the store. Of course, memories involuntarily got romanticized – your brain left out half the bad shit that happened, made you forget about the hardships and stressful days, but made you remember Joe and his fluffy hair, in his wrinkled linen shirts of which the buttons sometimes strained a bit around his chest and some skin would peep through.

You hadn’t even introduced yourself to Joe, but had learned how he liked his coffee and would give him a steaming mug of it whenever he’d been sat reading in one of the chairs for over an hour.

“No one ever recognised you in here,” you reminisced, couldn’t help but look over at the chair that was now Joe’s chair, even though he barely sat in it anymore.

“If I’d asked you to go for a meal then, you wouldn’t have gone either,”

Ouch.

Your neck almost cracked with how fast it turned to look at Joe. He seemed unimpressed.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s not like you were that different back then,”

He was right. You hadn’t changed much at all, but, that wasn’t the point.

“No, but... it was nice to be around you and have it involve no one else,” and you willed a small smile onto your face, because you hoped maybe Joe would copy it. Would agree with you. Would stop this path towards more mean words and would just tell you what was going to happen for dinner because you were getting hungry and felt the itch to get out of there in your feet.

“I’m not going to put on a show and play myself but four year ago,”

“That’s not what I’m asking!”

“Then what? What are you asking?”

“I’m asking for us to go have our date night... we can still make the reservation, see Maurice, have him cook us beautiful food, I just... let’s go, I want to go,” with a little more confidence, you touched the door handle like Joe had done before.

Joe narrowed his eyes a little at you, as if suspicious, and deep in thought.

“Do you think that was when we peaked? When we wouldn’t even talk to each other properly?”

For a second you didn’t believe you heard that right.

“What?”

“When I didn’t know you lived upstairs and you googled me every night?”

“Oh my God,” you scoffed, offended. You did not google Joe every night, and Joe fucking knew it.

“When all I knew about you is that you ran this store? And you wouldn't fucking tell me anything else about you, ever? Was the fantasy of being with me better than–”

“Stop!”

You were surprised by the sudden volume of your voice.

“Stop it! No! Of course not! Jesus Christ, Joe, is that what you think?”

Joe looked pissed off as he breathed through flared nostrils, brow all furrowed in your direction.

“Is that what you think I think?”

“If that’s not it, then what is it?”

Yea, all right. This was just going to be a fight then. Fuck dinner.

You let go of the door handle and stepped away from it, more towards the counter. Further away from Joe who was stood nearer the windows, closer to the armchairs.

“It’s what I just said! It’s...”

There was more. You stopped by the counter, placed your hands on top and hung into your shoulders, head hung down. You were already regretting saying what you hadn’t said yet but decided to go for it anyway. Now seemed as good a time as any.

“It’s that... I can’t remember the last time I didn’t actively miss you, with your work, and your–”

“I’m right here. Right now. I’m here.” Joe held two arms out wide to demonstrate.

“And still!” you exclaimed, eyes all wide, slightly bent at the hips to get the words out closer to him.

Joe’s facial expression immediately softened yours – no one needed to see the hurt they’d caused reflected back at them through someone else’s eyes.

“I miss you, I’m missing you right this very second and I don’t...” you faltered, exhaled through flared nostrils and tried to pick the right thing to say from all of your swimming thoughts.

“Remember when we used to be apart for like four weeks and be fine?”

“I’d still miss you,”

“And I’d miss you too, but, I’d get things done, I’d still see my friends all the time, I’d still have fun, and then we’d call and I’d have all these things to tell you about, and then you’d tell me about the place you were at, and the people you were meeting and, yes, I would miss you, but it was never the gut-wrenching sort of missing you I do nowadays,”

What had changed?

You knew the answer.

“Now, when you’re away, I don’t even feel like I can function properly – everything is overwhelming and,” you winced at yourself before you said, “And I get so jealous that you just get to step out of all of this for a second, and I don't want to resent you for anything, I truly don't,”

“You want out?”

Joe didn't mean the relationship. He couldn't mean the relationship. He probably meant the store, referenced the thing you said about everything being overwhelming - that had to be what he meant.

“No, I don’t want out, but it feels unfair that you’re constantly leaving me to deal with all of it by myself,”

“You don’t have to deal with it by yourself,”

“I know I don’t! Doesn’t change the way I feel, though, does it?”

Another silence fell where Joe let himself fall into his armchair.

You want out?

Joe could not fucking mean the relationship.

Couldn't.

The silence was deafening, but you didn't want to be the one to break it. Joe asked if you wanted out. Was staring out the window now, after having just asked you if you wanted out.

What if you were out?

Just... for a second?

It was not like Joe's fame was going to stop growing all of a sudden. All of this was already hard enough as it was, but it was only going to get more difficult, wasn't it?

You tapped an impatient fingernail on the counter and saw how Joe turned his head more away from you.

Out.

The careful door that word had opened in your mind was scary. It creaked on its hinges and behind it, everything was a little dark, but, it felt like an out was exactly what you needed.

Out.

Just for a second.

You inhaled a sharp breath and let it out slowly, cheeks puffed out.

Out.

“Maybe I’m not made for this,” you repeated what you’d told Joe when you’d started the relationship. When you’d voiced your fears of making this a serious thing, and he’d been so reassuring, had told you that you’d be fine. More than fine.

Yet, look at where you were now.

Joe was in a ridiculously expensive coat and to measure up you pretended that your all black outfit was good enough.

It wasn't fucking good enough.

“I don’t think I can do this with you,” you were nearly whispering, afraid to hear the words come out of your own mouth.

They were vulnerable, made the area behind your eyes prickle, and you needed Joe to handle them with care.

“Of course you can’t fucking do this with me, what, with all the trouble it’s giving you,”

You got snappy sarcasm from him instead, insinuating that all of your worries and fears were unreasonable. Stupid. Not real. The thing you’d been scared of from the start was still looming over you so threateningly, and you were done with it.

Didn’t want that anymore.

Joe had said himself that you'd get to be with Joe. Not with Joe Quinn. You'd both known what that meant. You'd both been on the same page about that.

You were no longer with Joe.

You'd not been with Joe for a while now.

Had instead gotten to be with Joe Quinn, and you didn't want that.

And now, Joe was being mean about it.

The snarky sarcasm you got from Joe shot the last little bit of courage you needed into your system. They’d also shot tears into your eyes, and a weird numb feeling into your fingertips. But the courage was important, because the courage had been just enough for you to say,

“I think we need to take a little break from each other for a little while,”

You hadn’t been able to finish the sentence without tears escaping both eyes, and now each cheek felt a burning hot path being carved right down to your jaw where you wiped at them with a clammy hand.

It was like Joe’s mind registered what you’d said in slow motion.

You saw how his face fell. How his brows went from being impossibly low on his face, to knitting together up high. How his eyes went from narrow slits to big rounded wet ones. Ones that reflected those stupid Christmas lights that you’d put up that one time and then had never taken down again.

Joe tried to find a little hint of humour. Of this being a joke.

Instead he found trembling lips that tried to hide their shaking and eyes that were somehow both scared and determined at once.

“No,” Joe got up, waited for you to take the words back. Hovered near the chair with his mouth slightly open, face reading nothing but sheer shock that turned into desperation when you didn’t say anything.

You couldn't be fucking serious, could you?

You just stood there, by the counter, leaning into your shoulders whilst tears ran down your face.

“No,” Joe said again, making his way over now.

Out.

Joe had spat the question at you, but had never even considered the thought of you actually taking it there.

“Take it back,” Joe pleaded, now next to you, an elbow leaning on the counter to round out and face you. But you’d let your head fall forwards, had closed your eyes, made tears fall onto the counter in little drops and tried to deal with the overwhelming feeling of relief at getting the words out.

“Take those words back, we’re not–”

You shook your head and let a sob escape.

“No, stop that, we’re not going on a break, you take those words back,” you heard Joe's throat close up as he spoke, voice sounding more constricted with every word.

Joe was crying too now, and as much as you wanted to turn and hug Joe, you didn’t.

You weren’t going to take the words back.

“I think I want out for a little while,” you managed to squeeze out, head lifted and looking Joe in the eye.

You wished you hadn’t.

Hadn’t looked him in the eye.

Seeing the person you loved – and you did love him, so much, almost an unbearable amount – break right down the centre right in front of you was the worst thing you’d probably ever seen.

Joe ripped in half.

Broke down.

Fell apart like a book would do if you ripped off the spine. Pages everywhere. Front and back cover useless now.

“No,” Joe cried, voice hoarse, and he sunk.

His knees hit the floor hard, and you were pulled into a hug around your hips. Around your waist. All anger was gone now, no more snarky comments or risky questions left in him. Just sad desperation that tried to hold onto what the two of you once were together.

You knew that you hadn’t been that in a while, now.

Out still sounded good when Joe started murmuring things into your hip.

Out still sounded good when Joe’s grip grew stronger, and his sobs got louder until they got violent and hurt his throat.

Out still sounded good when Joe pleaded and begged and said the same things over and over as you cried silent tears above him, the only tell being the way you had to sniffle on every inhale.

“But I love you,”

You loved him too, but couldn’t say it back. It’d send the wrong message.

“Take the words back,”

You couldn’t. Didn’t want to take them back.

“I love you, I’m sorry, I,” Joe paused for a wet sob, “I love you, I love you, take the words back, take,” a deep inhale, “take them back, we can’t, I love you.”

Date night.

“I love you.”

Out.

“I love you.”

Out still sounded good.

---

The Taglisted

@05secondsofsexgods, @a-time-for-wolvess, @adoreyouusugar, @alana4610, @ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @barfightzanddiscolightz, @bettyfrommars, @cancankiki, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @choke-me-eddie, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @dylanmunson, @eddie-joe-munson, @eddies-puppet, @electricmunson, @emma77645, @emmamooney, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @frogers, @frootvelvet, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @harringtonfan4, @haylaansmi, @jasminearondottir, @joesquinns, @kellyxo1, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @luvrsbian, @miserybeans, @nadixq, @ohmeg, @paola-carter, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @roosterisdaddy36, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @thebellenouvelle, @thefemininemystiquee, @thewondernanazombie, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @yelyahcardella

(taglist currently full, sorry)

[schneiderenjoyer]

Have you finished Chapter 6? Reverse is 2/2 with the doomed yuri stabs on my heart in the EN server so far..

Green Lake rerun was the closest balm 😭

I just started! It's hard to find time to sit down and go through it in one sitting. I even had to skip event stories just to get the rewards these last two events... But it's interesting so far!

Like how this graph pretty much confirms more on the fact that the Storm has a radius (It was only mentioned once by Sophia, but that was in a character event story that nobody would have access to until blupoch makes event story archives a thing). The Storm has an upper and lower radius (seen at upper left corner) with an estimation of how large the starting "Eye of the Storm" is to how large it became by the end of it.(seen at lower left corner)

They even have a list of information they need graphing from geographical location all the way to the current location of its travel like predicting an actual storm's development and movement pattern.

I'm happy that they've confirmed this theory that I made all the way back in the Greenlake days. I felt like I was losing it, hahah

[daenysthedreamer101]

Youngest Original ~ TVDU

Elijah Mikaelson x sister!OC

Christmas Eve with Elijah (Oneshot)

Warnings: none, it's pure fluff, so much fluff🥺, Kassie missed her big brother and he missed her too. They spend Christmas together, a bit of angst at the end, sorry, I had to 😭

This is set in 1995 so it's before the prologue where Kassie gets daggered.

TVD Masterlist

1995, Geneva, Switzerland

As Kassandra sat alone in her house on Christmas Eve, a sense of melancholy weighed heavy on her heart, the solitude of the holiday season serving as a stark reminder of the years she had spent alone. Rebekah, Finn, Koll - all daggered. Elijah was God knows where and she didn't even want to know where Klaus was. "Hopefully as far away from me as possible," She thought bitterly as she downed another glass of red wine.

For over 50 years, she has been living in relative solitude. Her only human companions were her ever-changing maids and chauffeurs. She rarely ventured into town, preferring to keep a low profile, lest Klaus decided to pay her a visit. Her mansion was on the outskirts of the city of Geneva, secluded by a small grove growing around it. Her other companions were animals, mostly dogs or cats and over 5 decades she has adopted and nurtured hundreds of pups and kittens.

Lost in her thoughts, she was startled by the sound of a knock at her door, a sudden interruption in the quiet of her home. Too overwhelmed by her emotions to face whoever stood on the other side, Kassandra instructed her maid, Lucia, to answer the door in her stead.

"Buongiorno. Kassandra è a casa?" (Good morning. Is Kassandra home?) Then, as if in a dream, she heard the unmistakable voice of her older brother, and her breath caught in her throat. For a moment, she dared not believe her ears, the mere thought of seeing him after so many years too surreal to comprehend.

With trembling hands and a racing heart, Kassandra rushed to the front door, her steps echoing through the empty halls of her home. And there, standing before her, was Elijah – tall, dignified, and resplendent in a black, tailored suit, his presence commanding yet comforting. His dark eyes gazed softly at her and a small smile danced on his lips.

“Elijah?” Kassandra whispered, her voice barely above a breath, her eyes wide with disbelief as she beheld her long-lost brother.

"Hello, angel," Elijah greeted softly, his deep, calming voice washing over her like a soothing balm. At that moment, as their eyes met across the threshold of her home, Kassandra felt a flood of emotions wash over her – relief, joy, and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the unexpected gift of his presence on this sacred night.

As Kassandra stood before him, her heart overflowing with emotion, she found herself unable to tear her gaze away from her brother, the sight of him after so many years leaving her breathless with disbelief and longing.

"È mio fratello. Fallo entrare." (He's my brother. Let him in.) She instructed Lucia to allow him entry, her voice trembling with anticipation as she awaited his arrival.

As Elijah stepped over the threshold and into her home, Kassandra could no longer contain the overwhelming rush of emotions that threatened to consume her. Without a moment's hesitation, she threw herself into his arms, her embrace so fierce and desperate that it momentarily took his breath away.

Staggering slightly under the weight of her embrace, Elijah quickly recovered and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close as she clung to him with all her strength. For a moment, they stood locked in an embrace that transcended time and space, the years of separation melting away in the warmth of their reunion.

Eventually, with a gentle chuckle, Elijah managed to pry Kassandra's arms from around him, though the look of reluctance in her eyes made it clear that she was not quite ready to let go. As he met her gaze, he found himself captivated by the depth of emotion reflected in her large, blue eyes – the tears that glistened on her lashes, the wide pupils that spoke of her overwhelming relief, and the look of disbelief that lingered in their depths.

"It's good to see you too, sweet sister," Elijah murmured, his voice soft with affection as he reached out to brush a stray tear from her cheek. "It's been too long."

At that moment, Kassandra knew that no matter how many years had passed, the bond between them remained unbreakable.

As Kassandra buried her face in Elijah's embrace, her tears soaking into his suit, she felt a floodgate of emotions release within her. For years, she had longed for this moment, the chance to be reunited with her beloved brother after so many decades apart. And now, as they stood together in the quiet sanctuary of her home, she found herself unable to contain the overwhelming rush of joy and gratitude that swelled within her heart.

For hours they talked, their voices mingling in a symphony of shared memories and long-held secrets, each word a precious thread that wove together the fabric of their shared history. With each passing moment, Kassandra felt the weight of the years melt away, replaced by a sense of belonging and connection that she had feared lost forever.

But as the evening wore on and the shadows lengthened, Kassandra found herself overcome with a desperate plea – a plea for just one more day, one more moment to spend in the company of her brother, to savor the warmth of his presence and the comfort of his love.

"Please! Just one more day, please!" she begged, her voice choked with emotion as tears continued to stream down her face. "I can't spend another Christmas alone with no family! I haven't seen you in so long! Please, Elijah!" She hasn't seen Elijah since 1919 - she won't be letting him go so easily.

After a moment's hesitation, Elijah's expression softened, his resolve giving way to the depth of his sister's plea. With a gentle nod, he agreed to spend Christmas with her, his own heart stirred by the depth of her love and the sincerity of her longing.

And so, with tears of gratitude still glistening in her eyes, Kassandra led Elijah to one of the spare bedrooms, her heart overflowing with joy and relief at the prospect of sharing this sacred holiday with the brother she had thought lost to her forever.

~

As Christmas dawned, Kassandra and Elijah found themselves enveloped in the warmth and serenity of the holiday spirit. After attending the morning mass together, they embarked on a day filled with shared laughter and cherished memories, each moment a testament to the bond that had brought them back together after so many years apart.

In the evening, they ventured out onto the ice, the crisp winter air filled with the sounds of laughter and the soft swish of blades against the frozen surface. As Kassandra glided across the ice with effortless grace, her movements fluid and elegant, she couldn't help but glance back at Elijah, a playful twinkle in her eye.

"Come on 'Lijah! Join me!" she called out, her voice echoing across the ice as she urged her brother to join her in the joyous celebration of the holiday season.

But Elijah, ever the dignified gentleman, remained seated on the sidelines, content to watch his sister's exuberant display from afar. With a polite refusal, he declined her invitation, his eyes following her every movement with a fondness that spoke volumes.

Kassandra responded with mock sadness, her bottom lip jutting out in a playful pout as she teased her brother for his reluctance to join in the festivities. But Elijah's gentle chuckle only served to deepen her resolve, and she continued to skate with abandon, her laughter ringing out in the crisp night air.

"You're no fun..." she teased, her words laced with affection as she twirled gracefully across the ice, her heart overflowing with joy at the simple pleasure of spending this special day with her beloved brother by her side.

~

Once Kassie got her fill of skating on ice, they walked through the park back to her car. Night had fallen, the air was cold and crisp and in the distance church bells could be heard.

The park was mostly empty, save for a person here or there. Kassie put her arms around Elijah's forearm as they walked. It started snowing and after a few minutes, Kassie's long dark curls were covered with hundreds of snowflakes, her nose and cheeks rosy from the cold winter air.

She looked like an angel, Elijah thought as Kassie giggled. "What?" he asked curiously. She shook her head adorably.

"Remember when we were little and Bekah and I used to chase you around the village, trying to throw snowballs at you, and then all of a sudden Kol hit Bekah right in the face?" Kassie recounted, the joyful memory vivid in her mind even after a thousand years.

Elijah smiled. "She was furious. She would've ripped his head off if allowed. Thankfully, Mother stopped her."

Kassie giggled once more, the sound echoing in Elijah's ears. Under the light of the moon, covered in snow, she reminded him of the normal human childhood they once had. At that moment, an image of a little girl happily chasing after him popped up in his mind.

He was so deep in thought he hadn't noticed Kassie moving away from him and grabbing a handful of snow. What brought him back to reality was a dull hit to his right shoulder.

He turned around only to be hit again, this time right in the chest. Kassie looked at him, her hand covering her mouth to prevent herself from laughing. He gave her an unamused look and she burst out into giggles.

Elijah couldn't help but laugh as well.

As the day came to a close, they went back to Kassandra's house. After dinner, Elijah stood by the fire and watched as the wood burned. "I don't want you to go," Kassandra's voice, filled with desperation, shattered the silence that hung heavy in the air, her plea echoing with the depth of her longing and the fear of losing her brother once more.

Elijah sighed softly, his heart heavy with the knowledge that this moment had been inevitable from the start. "I don't want to either," he admitted, his voice tinged with regret as he turned to face his sister. "But if Klaus finds out..."

He trailed off, the unspoken implications hanging between them like a dark cloud, the threat of their brother's wrath casting a shadow over their fragile reunion. For Klaus, ever vigilant and possessive of his siblings, discovering Elijah's presence would surely lead to dire consequences for them both, consequences that neither of them dared to contemplate.

"But you're my brother as well!" Kassandra argued, her voice rising with a fervor born of love and desperation, her eyes pleading with Elijah to reconsider his decision. In her heart, she knew that the bond between them was stronger than any threat Klaus could pose, stronger even than the passage of time itself.

But Elijah knew better than anyone the dangers that lurked in the shadows, the ever-present threat of their brother's unpredictable temper, and the lengths to which he would go to maintain control over his family. And so, with a heavy heart and a sense of resignation, Elijah made his decision, knowing that it was the only choice he could make to keep them both safe.

"I'll find a way to come back and I will avenge our siblings for what he had done to them," he promised, his voice soft but determined as he reached out to squeeze Kassandra's hand in reassurance. "Until then, stay safe, my dear sister. You'll always have a place in my heart, no matter where I may be."

And with those words, spoken with a solemnity that belied the depth of his love, Elijah turned away from the fire and the warmth of his sister's embrace, steeling himself for the journey ahead as he prepared to face the uncertain future that awaited him beyond the confines of her home.

Little did he know, Kassandra too would fall victim to Klaus's temper.

***

Hi lovelies, just wanted to say I've decided to put this series on a bit of a hold. College is kicking my ass and the second semester is harder than I thought.😭 I won't be free until the end of June so until then I'll only be posting one-shots or headcanons since they're easier to write.

For my HOTD fanfic, I have four chapters prewritten so that won't be a problem but for this one, I already posted all the chapters I wrote lol. Hope you can understand and have patience until I free myself from the shackles of the exam season💀

Love you and thanks for reading! ❤❤

If you have any opinions feel free to comment.

[orqheuss]

Stamped on these lifeless things

(Human!Alastor meets Demon!Alastor - A character study)

Summary:

Its lips curled, revealing gum in a daunting sneer. “How could I be anyone else?” Clenching Alastor’s hand again, it pulled him closer until they were nearly touching noses. Its breath smelled like carnage. He was helpless under its gaze, stuck staring into its eyes as they shifted into what looked like radio dials. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw its antlers growing again. “I’m you.” *** With his final moments quickly drawing near, something approaches Alastor that has him questioning everything.

Word count: 3.9k

Tags: Blood, Gore, Discussions of murder, Discussions of abuse (child and spousal), Mentions of cannibalism, Religious themes, Character death, Morally grey characters, (possible) hallucinations, Death by animal

A/N: Based on a TikTok I saw by @domdrawsanimation about Human Alastor meeting his demon self.

I met a traveller from an antique land,

Who said—“Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desert. . . . Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them, and the heart that fed;

And on the pedestal, these words appear:

My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings;

Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal Wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.”

~ Percy Bysshe Shelley

The dogs were coming for him. 

He could hear their constant howls, snarling teeth nipping at the wind whistling through the trees and at the skin of his ankles as he ran faster than he had ever run before. Tree branches whipped against his face, neck, arms, any inch of skin they could reach, dripping his blood against the cold, unforgiving forest floor like he had done to so many before under his knife. The rush of the water to his right laughed at his panic, jovially wishing for his demise after all the horror it had seen. The willow trees mourned for the bodies that had been piled against their roots. It was only fair that he would die in the place where he felt that he truly lived, deep within the forest he deemed his personal hunting ground of all things living. A selfish creature in all aspects of his life, even in the choice of souls taken. Ridding the world of what he saw as filth was well and good until he found solace in the act of bloodshed. Until he felt the warmth of his first victim under his hands as he squeezed the life from another. Until he saw the face of his father in the eyes of his dead. Selflessness only went so far; it did not condone brutality in the name of righteousness. 

He believed himself something reverent before this night— untouchable by the unseen forces of the universe. Vermillion chested like a cardinal against the first snow of winter, and canines sharp like the ridges on his blade. Not a soul dared walk the streets at night, lest they fall victim to the Bayou Butcher. Little did the people of New Orleans know, the Butcher only hunted the most vile beasts— too hideous for even the wilds of nature to swallow. 

Monsters who hurt for money.

Monsters who hurt for power. 

Monsters who hurt for fun. 

It could be construed that he would fall under the latter category— the hunt was exhilarating, and the flesh between his teeth more bewitching than like anything before. He took joy in their pleas for mercy; pleas that they had heard many times before from the mouths of their loved ones. Loved ones who walked around town with makeup caked on their faces, hiding the evidence from the world like they should be ashamed of the behavior. Like they were at fault for all this wretched chaos. It was pleasure turning in his gut at night, the thought of warm ichor pouring from between his fingertips like a soothing balm— aloe against his scorched and blistered hand after his father held it over a burner. It was personal for him. Personal in all ways something could be deemed personal. 

He believed himself holy. Sacred. Divine. At his knife fell multitudes of souls, undeserving of mercy far past their last breath and deep into the putrid hereafter. They did not get a heaven. If it was up to him, they would not get a hell, either. They would float, stagnant, undeserving of pity, in the darkest pit of the metaphysical. 

Too devilish for heaven. 

Too cruel for hell. 

Too important for purgatory. 

A secret fourth thing of his own creation. 

His high horse carried him up and down the streets, its skeleton legs strutting against the cobblestone paths and puffs of hedonistic smoke cascading from its barren skull, for he was death incarnate. Holy sacraments overflowing with his name grew inside of his chest and bloomed out of his ribs like the thorny spires of a bramble bush, its bittersweet fruit growing in the cavity where his mother carved out his heart and took it to her grave. 

He didn’t need a heart anyway. What was love to a god? 

What was a god to a murderer?

What was a murderer to a man? 

What was a man to a god?

Now, that was the question under all of this— these lifeless things at his feet— the steps to his savage throne. 

What, truly, was the life of a man to the whim of a god? 

But, of course, he was no more a god than a raindrop was a flood. In the end, he was hardly even a man, just a soul with something to prove to no one else but himself, paving a path to his own downfall. The path had to end eventually. 

It ended in a clearing of trees. 

His feet left skid marks in the once untouched earth as he stopped, breaths panting heavily from his chest and hands resting on his knees. His lungs heaved for air, somehow gaining none of it even when surrounded by the purest form of oxygen. It was only a matter of time before the dogs caught up to him— the stench of blood heady and thick on his clothes. Where he once found a sick comfort in the copper was now nothing but regret. 

It was only fair that the tragic hero of this sick fairytale had his moment of revelation near the end of the story. 

In this moment of clarity, he chastised himself for being so careless. It was newly spring— a new hunting season for those who did not fear the bayou. Curse him for believing he would still be safe within the trees while staring directly at their flowering leaves. Of course there would be others in his woods; he did not truly own them, after all. Public ground attracts the public, and while the Bayou Butcher made his claim on the land, that did not stop the fearless from traversing the haunted landscape. He racked his brain for a solution, anything that would get him away from the metaphorical pit he was edging closer to and closer to the solace of his home. There was nothing in his brain besides the desire to flee, and the hope of survival. His breaths were shaky when he finally stood from his laurels, the coolness of the night nearly turning it to vapors before his eyes. If he could see it, that is. His glasses had long ago fallen from his face, leaving the world around him nothing but a hazy blur of greens and the blackness of true night. He couldn’t go back for them, even if there was a chance that they were still intact. It didn’t matter, anyway. He was trapped at the moment— nothing around him but empty air and the brush of trees. No sights to be seen before him. No warmth to be felt against his chilled skin. No weapon to his name. No way to defend himself against a force stronger than his will to live. 

And how he wanted to live. 

He was not a religious man, no matter how much he pretended he was for his mothers sake. But, for the first time in a while, he considered prayer. 

Alastor.

The wind whispered his name, the syllables like ice against the back of his neck. He whipped his head around, head nearly tumbling from his shoulders at the owlish-ness of the behavior, eyes wide and searching for the source of the voice. Finding nothing around, he focused again on thinking of a way out of the situation he placed himself in. 

“Alastor!” 

It was hissed this time— a snake in the tall grass of his backyard. This was not the wind, there was no mistaking it. Someone knew his name. Someone was speaking to him. Someone saw what he had done.

Fear clouded his better judgment, releasing his voice from the confines of where it had been lodged under his quaking jaw. “Who’s there?” 

A shiver inducing chuckle seemed to fill the space around him, drowning out any and all sounds other than the sickeningly malicious voice. “Take a guess.” 

Petrifying terror filled his veins like never before. Was it his time? Was this a divine intervention? “God?” 

The leaves shook for him as another laugh was released into the air. “Oh, no. He doesn’t make house calls.” The mysterious voice paused. Alastor could hear its smile everywhere. “Not for sinners like you, at least.” 

Anger festered in his gut at the teasing lilt. It was a struggle to not shout into the night. “What do you want from me?” 

The voice got louder now— closer. Radio static blended with each word, and the hairs on his neck stood at attention. “Everything,” it said. “And also nothing.” 

Alastor growled, hackles raised like an animal cornered. “What are you playing at? Why are you here?” 

“Ah, that’s the word. ‘Playing.’” It came from his right this time. He flung his neck in the direction, ignoring the sting it caused in his muscles. There was nothing but darkness among the thick trunks of the trees. 

Then, the voice came from his left. His neck cracked against the velocity of his movement. “Playing is often associated with games. Would you say we’re playing a game?” 

Alastor’s anger grew stronger, fire burning in his blind eyes. “No, this isn’t a game! Tell me who you are!” 

He could hear a quick swishing through the leaves as the mystery person ran through the thicket. They— it— moved at inhuman speeds. No dog could run that fast; no bird could fly at that speed. The smell of fear-drenched sweat permeated the copse. He remembered something that he had read in a book once, long before he decided to try his hand at hunting humans. Animals can smell fear. Even though this was definitely not an animal, it was worth every penny to try his damndest and seem strong— resolute. Nothing could truly frighten him. At least, that’s how he tried to look on the outside; there were other emotional tells than his body language. 

The thing seemed to go even faster now, laughing at the panic shimmering in Alastor’s eyes— mocking him for his desire to know who, or what, he was dealing with. Its terrible, scattered cackle was coming from all directions. This couldn’t be a human, there was no possible way. But, if it wasn’t human, then what was it? 

No, Alastor said to himself. This has to be human. There’s no other possible answer. 

Now was not the time to lose his sanity. 

He tried to hold onto logic for as long as it would allow, his nails digging into the solid base of fact and truth before it could be ripped away from his clutches.

But, there was no logical explanation for this. Logic was not his friend anymore. 

“No, I suppose there isn’t time for a game right now.” 

It sounded like it was coming from directly in front of him. Or behind him. Or to his left, or his right. It was everywhere. It was nowhere. It was somehow all of the above. 

“They’re close now, you know. It would be best to run.” 

Alastor didn’t need to be told twice. With all the strength left in his boneless legs, he bounded for the outskirts of the circle, intent on getting away from whatever the hell was with him. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t good. He was not one to believe in anything spiritual before, besides a small dabble into voodoo on occasion, but if he made it out of here alive tonight he would hold a new respect for everything of the sort. 

Too bad he wasn’t getting out of there alive. 

As soon as he crossed the treeline, an imaginary force pushed him back into the clearing. Alastor landed hard on his back, sending a new tremor of pain through his body. He hissed at the spasm that shocked up his spine. 

The voice laughed again, getting more deranged by the minute. 

Terror bubbled in his stomach when he realized that it was beginning to sound familiar. 

He stood from the ground, pushing all of his weight onto the fronts of his feet in case he got another moment to run. As of now, he was truly cornered. Something shimmered along his path of escape, the material giving the black night a starry quality. Whatever this being was, it had some form of magic, and it was toying with him. 

Alastor summoned every ounce of bravado he had left in his trembling body, determined to remain brave and undaunted until the very end. He was the Bayou Butcher. He didn’t get scared. Gods did not fear gods. 

But, something whispered in his mind. You are not a  g o d.

Shoulders squared, he shouted into the night. “Enough games! Tell me who you are before I gut you like a fish.” 

A screech of feedback assaulted his ears. He pressed his hands desperately to the sides of his head, gritting his teeth at the pain spiking through his brain. Wind whipped at his face, pushing his fringe into his already semi-blind eyes and stinging the cuts lining his cheeks. Before him, a shadow emerged from the darkness of the forest, its form nothing more than a trick of the light but still tall and imposing. It was taller than a redwood, the silhouette of a person taking shape before his very eyes. Antlers stretched from what Alastor assumed was its head, each piece of blackened ivory reminding him of the mangled tree branch outside his childhood bedroom window. Long claws grew from its hands, each sharp and pointed perfectly for slaughter. The most horrible thing was its mouth. Wide and stretched across its face in a smile, teeth bared and serrated— like taking damascus steel to a whetstone. Alarm bells rang frantically in his head. Horror cowered in his eyes. It loomed closer to Alastor, towering over his shaking form. 

This thing was a nightmare, and he was in its domain. 

Then, as if nothing more than an illusion, it shrunk. 

In front of Alastor now, instead of the colossus demon that once was there, was now a form quite close to his own height. Everything about it was the same besides the size. It still stood quite close to him— if they both reached out a hand they would touch fingertips. It was lanky in shape, thin arms and legs bracketed by a slim waist and wide shoulders. Its hands, if they could be called hands, were clasped behind his back, its spine straight and taut with tension. Somehow, the smile it was sporting was much more menacing at this size. 

It chuckled darkly, reaching a hand outwards and presenting it like a handshake. “Shake my hand, and I’ll tell you what you want to know.” 

It was a terrible decision— the farthest thing from wise than Alastor had been in quite some time. But, my God, he was scared. It was such an encompassing feeling, like spiders crawling across his skin, scratching at his scars until they reopened and biting at his skin until it was red and blistered. He could feel the cold touch of his father closing in on his neck, ready to squeeze the life from his tiny body before doing the same to his mother in the other room. He hadn’t been older than twelve when he committed his first murder. Memories flashed across his mind like a moving picture show, and if he had the strength to push them away he would do it in a heartbeat. 

His hand was clasped in the shadow’s before he realized what he had done. 

The thing squeezed tight to him, holding on like it was the last thing it would ever do before cackling once more into the night. Alastor struggled against its hold, but all of his efforts were futile. It was not budging. Color began to bleed through its form, starting from the large, red ears atop its head and moving downwards quickly. Everything about it was red and black. Red eyes with red pupils. Red and black hair. Red suit, not much unlike his own. Red nails digging into the skin of his hand and refusing to let go. Its voice began to take on a more static quality, the frequency buzzing in the air and filling Alastor’s ears to the point of flinching. It grated on all of his nerves. The more that was revealed of the thing before him, the more he realized that it was a man. The beings eyes were trained on his own, staring him down like a predator hunting the best possible game. The demon, because that’s what it was, he realized, drank in his obvious fear like the richest wine money can buy. 

Its voice was no longer warbled when it finally spoke, a transatlantic accent heavy in its words. “Hello, Alastor. Pleasure to be finally meeting you, quite the pleasure.” 

Alastor stared into the red abyss of its eyes, refusing to blink lest it bite off his head with its ravenous yellow teeth. “What are you? Who are you?” 

It tutted, squeezing his hand tighter in its vice grip. “Oh, come now, Alastor. Surely you’ve realized who I am by now! I remember being so much more observant at this age.” 

The air around him screeched to a halt. 

No. 

No. 

All of the blood in Alastor’s body fled from his head and pooled in his feet, the limbs feeling like lead had been injected directly into his bloodstream. His mouth had the distinct taste of bile and dread. He wanted to hurl himself to the ground, let the earth swallow him whole and never let him dig his way back to the surface. He wanted to hunch over and expel everything from his stomach until he was nothing but bone and skin and ligaments. He wanted to do anything to get his damn body to MOVE. Everything in him prayed to the Fates that what was hinted at wasn’t true. This couldn’t be true. It couldn’t be. 

Alas, the Fates had never been kind to him before; why would they start now?

Anguish clouded over his expression, a plea dripping from his lips like the moon bled across the night sky. “Please, no…” 

The demon stretched his smile ruefully, each point on its elongated teeth catching on what light remained above. “Yes.” 

Its lips curled, revealing gum in a daunting sneer. “How could I be anyone else?” 

Clenching Alastor’s hand again, it pulled him closer until they were nearly touching noses. Its breath smelled like carnage. He was helpless under its gaze, stuck staring into its eyes as they shifted into what looked like radio dials. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw its antlers growing again. 

“I’m you.” 

It finally released him, then, shoving him into the dirt and glaring down at him with malice in its eyes. Blood began to drip from the corner of its stretched lips. Alastor could do nothing but stare. 

“I’m only going to say this once, so listen carefully.” It said, wiping its hand against the front of its blazer before tucking both behind his back again. Its ears twitched atop its head. 

“I am you. You are me. This is what lives inside of you— what you will become quite soon—”

“No—”

“DO NOT—” It moved with that inhuman speed again, leaning down until it was eye level with him and grabbing his jaw in its claws. “Interrupt me.” It snarled— animalistic— feral. 

“I don’t remember being such a sniveling welp. Accept the truth, Alastor. I am as much of you as you are of you— we are two sides to the same, sadistic coin. The sooner you accept this fact, the sooner you can achieve your full potential in the afterlife.” His smile somehow became more ferocious. “And you will achieve it. I am the best you will ever be. Your puny murders on this plain are nothing compared to what I have done in the depths of hell. People will fear your name like never before, and you will relish in it.”

It released Alastor roughly, standing back to its full height and leering down at him. 

“I have come only to give you a taste for what’s to come. This was for my enjoyment, not as a warning. Do not get this twisted. My reasons are my own; you will come to realize that soon enough. Even still, this was quite enjoyable, I assure you.” 

Alastor attempted to find his voice again, his words leaking out feebly and choppy with fright. “You— you aren’t real. You can’t be real.” 

It chuckled to itself, looking down at him with something almost akin to pity. “Real or not real, you are seeing me now, you have seen me before, and you will see me again.” 

Flashes of red hair and yellowed teeth scream across his memory— things that his mother told him were just nightmares— things that hid in his closet or under his bed. He shivered. It has been with him for quite some time. 

A thin microphone appeared in the demon’s hand seemingly out of thin air, and with a swish of the stick green magic began to buzz around its form. It smiled down at him, one last time, and for the first time Alastor realized that its grin actually met its eyes for once. True, demented happiness buzzed in the air with its residual radio static. 

“That’s all the time I have, I’m afraid. I will be seeing you very soon, Alastor.” It paused, glee dancing in its eyes. “Or, more accurately, you’ll be seeing me.” 

With its final words, the demon vanished once again into a mass of shadow. Its form breathed through the air, bringing back the soft spring wind and the sound of cicadas chirping through the night. Even the trees seemed relieved to have the demon gone, like nature sighed with relief after being trapped for so long. Everything seemed to be back in balance at last. 

Alastor released the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

He could only revel in his own relief for a moment before the sound of a twig snapping drew his attention to something moving in front of him. Where the demon was once standing was now the hazy image of a prowling dog, haunches raised and ready to attack. An aching dread curled around his ribs at the sight. His heart leapt into his throat. The animal's teeth were bared at him, eyes narrowed and twitching with each step closer. The smallest pink hue could be seen against its teeth— flesh, as Alastor quickly came to realize. Fear squeezed at his throat once again, and his mind ran wild. 

Please no, it can’t end like this.

I’ll do better. I’ll be better. 

God don’t let me die like this. 

I don’t want to die.

Mama, help me.

I’m so scared, mama. 

And then the dog leaped.

Like what you read? Here's more!

[alexanderlightweight]

I just read prompts are still open soooooo....

A tiny little update on pray to the hunters?

Maybe a flashback to the first time Alec succesfully called the weapons to him?

Thank you my friend. (Also i just read Nightshade got into a fight with a bee, i hope he is okay now and give him many cuddles from his fans😁)

here we go! little alec figuring out his path in life!

it's not quite the weapons but its the first time alec reaches out and it opens the path for him

aw thank you!!! i am giving them to him and he is a sad little pupper with droopy eyes going 'i need more cuddles and treats i feel awful'

he is doing much better! besides stopping to try and guard from every flying insect when he goes outside to potty. he also tried to drag me away from a bee because 'oh no! an attack! run baba run!'

he loves cuddles though so i assure you he's very appreciative. sometimes he just lays inbetween saeth and i with all four paws in the air snoring and he only wakes up to grumble in protest if one of us hasn't petted him recently enough

<3 hope you enjoy

lumine

pray to the hunters

— Alec hides in the embrace of a stone angel, curled into the cracking base and tucked under a veil of weeds as he sits and waits. The nephilim searching for him pass him by not once, but three times and even as they use tracking runes, they’re unable to find him.

Alec gives a silent, grateful prayer, not to Raziel but to the dead shadowhunters of his line who must be protecting him.

Raziel is an absent sire and all know that he is far too busy to waste his time on the broken hearts of his children. Alec wonders if it would be different, if any of his dead kin would speak softly to him or help him tend his wounds.

What cuts the deepest is the harsh disregard of both his parents and the responsibilities they continue to place on his shoulders. Alec knows the burden he bears is an honorable one, but that doesn’t change the fact that sometimes he feels his spine crumpling beneath the weight, rather than growing like it should.

His blood mixes with the gravedirt as another patrol passes by and Alec holds his breath until he’s almost dizzy with it, desperation in every line of his body because it’s too much, too soon.

Alec’s only just born his first rune and his parents think that means he’s now a full fledged shadowhunter. Reprimanding him when he can’t keep up with older hunters twice or nearly three times his own age. It’s gotten to the point where even the hunters who loathe his family are starting to send Alec sympathetic looks.

Alec hates them all the more because nothing has truly changed. The only thing different is that his parents are being more obvious about it, since not a single hunter is going to speak up for a Lightwood.

Not even one young enough to not bear runes.

It makes Alec hate them. All of them.

His parents and the hunters and Alec is proud of who he is but he hates who he’s becomming when hammered and filed till bits and pieces of him are breaking off so his parents can forge him into what they want.

A whisper starts up in the wind and Alec shudders without knowing why. He’s not cold — even as his breath crystallizes in the air — he feels content and relaxes, the pressure fading as his heartbeat slows and his blood pumps sluggishly in his veins.

There is something powerful about it, the balm to Alec’s many open wounds and Alec feels the most gentle embrace he’s ever felt, as cold, bony fingers harshly cup his heart.

“Please.” Alec murmurs tiredly as he falls asleep without really knowing why and when he wakes up, there is a strange rune shining silver on his forehead.

No one else seems to be able to see it, but there is a wariness that Alec is treated with that he prefers far more to the recent sympathy.

For once luck is in his favor and his parents are both called to Idris before they can find and discipline him for ‘failing to complete all his training’ the day before. Alec could probably make it up, go and throw himself into training until the hunters who let the Lightwood name be all they see beat him to the ground.

That’s normally enough for his parents, but Alec doesn’t want that. He wants to know what happened, the strange connection that feels more like home than anything other than the Institute’s core ever has.

It’s with soft, purposeful footsteps that Alec lets himself into the deepest and most obscure of the Institute’s archives. A place where traditions have been left to gather dust and be forgotten and Alec, well… he’s going to find and remember them all.

[moonstrider9904]

Passacaille

Chapter Seven of Half-Moon Glow

Pairing: Crosshair x Female OC (Aurora Dawn)

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Summary: After Aurora and the Batch’s encounter with Sobeck and the 104th division on Christophsis, Aurora and Crosshair enjoy a night alone on Coruscant.

Tags/warnings: Explicit (18+, minors begone). Soft smut oral and vaginal sex, and overall just a dreamy, romantic date night chapter. Some PTSD. Hurt/comfort. Brief alcohol consumption.

A/N: My loves… I know I’ve said “I’m back” like four times this year. It has been over one year since I last updated this fic, and a huge reason for that is having moved out of my childhood home where writing just comes naturally. I am writing this as I have returned for Christmas, and being able to write a softer, light-hearted chapter in my current Crosshair fic seems so fitting that a part of me feels it has to be fate. Thank you to everyone who’s remained even while I’ve been away. This blog and writing are a form of a home I can always come back to. I really hope I still got it and that this chapter lives up to what my writing has been in the past. 

Also, not me projecting my dream date in some far-fetched fantasy world lol

Word count: 5.3k

No new assignments had come in.

In the rare peace that came with nothingness—no missions, no wounds to clean, no running for her life—Aurora lay on her bed contemplating the dim gray ceiling above her in silence. She let the sounds of steps and chatter outside her room come and go like the thoughts forming in her mind, basking in the mix of relaxation and tension.

The longest she could go without thinking back to Christophsis was just under five minutes, as she confirmed by tearing her eyes from the ceiling to the clock at her bedside as a way to distract her from the memories. Aurora wanted more than anything else to simply not think of that anymore, and even focusing on Crosshair’s heroic rescue of her didn’t put balm over the wounds. She’d been held hostage while facing heartbreak and her own demise, hurt when she was the one supposed to do the healing.

She’d never felt weaker than she had at that moment.

Aurora sat up on her bed, knowing that lying down wasn’t doing her or her spiraling mind any favors. With a heavy sigh, she tried grounding herself; her hands clenched the bed’s comforter underneath her, the fabric fuzzy and soft against her cold fingertips, and when she let go of the fabric, it didn’t go back to its original state. Her gaze focused on a point between the line where the door met the floor, separating her bedroom from the hallway, and she took a deep breath in while closing her eyes.

It’s okay to still get memories. It’s okay to feel sad at what happened because it was a terrible thing to go through. From being taken hostage to getting a blast wound on her thigh, to believing she wouldn’t see the man she loved ever again, a man who at that point she was convinced she had broken up with for good regardless of whether they saw one another again, all of that had made up the cloud that still loomed in her mind. But I’m not on Christophsis anymore, I’m on Coruscant. I’m healing. I’m safe. I’m wearing part of Crosshair’s armor.

Aurora looked down at her forearm, covered by the gray and black piece of armor he’d given her, and the corner of her lip curved up.

He wants me here.

With her next exhale, Aurora felt tears pooling in her eyes, tears she didn’t bother holding back. After taking that moment to reflect, she felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders, and the hole in her chest seemed to lighten up as well. The point she was staring at seemed to materialize in front of her as she finally returned to the real world, to the safe walls of her temporary room at Coruscant, escaping the cell she was held at on Christophsis. When the tears stopped coming, Aurora wiped her cheek dry and stood up from the bed.

Perfectly timed, her wrist comm began to beep.

“Come in,” Aurora answered.

“You sound more like yourself,” Hunter said from the other end of the comm—he’d be the only one able to pick up on the most subtle signs Aurora could give in regards to her emotions. “Got any plans tonight?”

“I… I think?” She raised a brow, doubtful. “Your brother left me a message earlier to meet him.”

“Are you sure you want to go with him?” Hunter sounded like he was teasing. “You could always bail on him and I’ll make sure to annoy the shit outta him.”

Aurora chuckled. “No, I think he’s apologized enough.”

“So you’re not mad at him anymore?”

“Crosshair’s one of those men you’re always mad at,” Aurora replied.

Hunter laughed heartily on the other end of the comm. “Good answer.”

When Hunter quieted down, Aurora felt her features soften.

“I think…” she began. “I think he really does want me to be here.”

“For the record, we all want you here with us,” Hunter replied. “But you’re right.”

Aurora smiled into the comm. She was confident that Hunter knew his brothers better than anyone else did, and hearing that coming from him warmed her heart.

“So where are you meeting him?”

“He’s actually going to come here—”

“So it’s that kind of date,” Hunter interrupted her; she could hear the wink in his voice.

“To pick me up, and then we’re going out,” Aurora finished as she held in her laughter. “He hasn’t given me more details. You know him.”

“Oh, I see,” Hunter dragged the words out, teasing her.

“You know all about it, don’t you?” Aurora raised a brow.

Hunter chuckled. “Have fun.”

And then the line went silent. As she became aware of the smile that had formed on her lips, Aurora realized it had been a while since she’d had such a sweet comm call. Her attention was eventually drawn to the present moment when a golden ray of sun reflected off a distant building outside, making the warm light land on the walls of her room. The sun was going down, and it was about time she got out of her uniform and into something worthy of a night out.

The nights were getting colder on Coruscant, and with that in mind, Aurora picked out a long-sleeved A-line black dress; its skirt reached halfway down her thighs and flowed gracefully over her hips. The top had a round neckline that went deep enough for the start of her sternum tattoo to be visible, and she had adorned her neck and collar with a dainty chain with a moon pendant. Her legs were covered by black tights thick enough to keep her from freezing—the tights and the skirt fully concealed the fact that her thigh was wounded, but her brief limp while walking would still give her away—and she finished her outfit with a pair of dark brown boots with a small, manageable heel.

Aurora put her lavender hair in a messy bun, perfectly balancing elegance with softness. For her eyes, she coated her lashes with mascara just to give them a subtle lift and added some shadow to her crease for more depth, and her lips were tainted with a berry-wine colored lipstick that made a striking contrast with her blue skin and the golden marks along her cheekbones. And when she looked at herself in the mirror, not only did she feel pleased at how beautiful she looked, but it dawned on her that the last time she’d gotten that dolled-up was on Naboo.

An urge to change the past hit her suddenly. For a moment, she wanted nothing more than to change the way things had happened. If she and Crosshair hadn’t fought during Naboo, maybe Christophsis wouldn’t have turned out so terrible.

Or perhaps you should stop burdening yourself with that, Aurora thought.

She took another moment to look at herself in the mirror hoping with all her heart that despite the events of the previous days, that night would be wonderful. With a sigh of resolve, Aurora walked away from the mirror and went to fold her uniform neatly over her bed. The pile of folded clothing was crowned by Crosshair’s forearm pad on top of it, a place where it would safely wait for her until duty called again. She then looked out the window to a dark sky with more city lights shining than stars.

Aurora sat on her bed and waited as she continued to stare at the city scenery, until at last a knock came at the door of her bedroom. Her chest fluttered, suddenly nervous at the first real date she’d have with a man who’d spent so long driving her crazy in more ways than one, and nevertheless, she felt heat rushing to her cheeks and her full lips becoming a smile. Aurora got up from the bed and went to open her door, and there stood the definition of tall, dark, and handsome, dressed in a black suit and holding a single pink peony out before his chest.

Crosshair’s brown eyes glided over her figure before they finally met hers, and in that gaze was a flood of emotions he’d never dream of speaking out loud.

“Hey,” was all he managed to say.

Aurora gave a soft chuckle. “Hi.”

The sly, snarky sniper found himself at a loss for words. For Aurora, it was her first real date with him. For Crosshair, it was his first real date, and he found himself in uncharted territory where he couldn’t rely on the scope of his rifle to get a better visual of.

“I…” his voice was husky. “I brought you this.”

Aurora looked at the peony and took it from him, her fingers delicately brushing his as she grabbed the flower. She held it up to her nose and took in its scent, and she met eyes with him on her exhale.

“It’s perfect,” she said. “Thank you, Crosshair.”

Her words allowed most of the tension to leave Crosshair, and he felt the muscles of his body relaxing as Aurora went to place the flower neatly on her nightstand. She then turned around and stared silently at Crosshair, her big eyes widening with expectation.

“What is it?” She asked him.

Crosshair smirked. “You look incredible.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Aurora replied. “Now where is this sharp-dressed sharpshooter taking me tonight?”

Crosshair chuckled and he held out his bent arm for her to link her arm in it. “This way.”

With a smile, Aurora turned off the lights of her room and walked up to him, taking his arm as he’d offered. As Crosshair began leading her out of the room, closing the door behind him, and into the hallway, he noticed the way she still had to limp between her steps.

His heart sank. Aurora felt his gaze hardening and looked up at him, her gaze soft and reassuring.

“It’s fine,” she said. “Really.”

“Are you sure you can walk?” Crosshair asked.

“I’ll be fine as long as you don’t let go of me,” Aurora smiled.

She’d meant those words literally, but seeing the result of the blast wound on her thigh reignited feelings of regret and of fear within Crosshair. He stopped walking and looked at her, and he used his spare hand to gently lift up her chin and leaned down to kiss her lips.

“I won’t ever let you go again,” he whispered.

Aurora’s cheeks gained a purple tint as she smiled up at him, and she perked up to give him another soft peck before resting her weight on his stable figure again.

“Aurora, I meant what I said when I told you how sorry I was,” Crosshair said. “I fucked up harder than I ever have—”

She cupped his cheek, her eyes softening with the remnants of her sadness.

“Crosshair,” she spoke his name with unimaginable kindness. “If I was still angry with you, I wouldn’t be going on this date with you now. My leg will heal eventually, and as horrible as Christophsis was, it’s already happened.”

He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. “You and I both know war memories stick.”

“It’s a part of the way we live,” she answered. “And yes, memories of that day do flood me frequently, but I’d rather be here with you now than keep succumbing to them.”

“You make it sound easy,” he smirked.

“It’s easier with you here.”

Crosshair smiled at her response and rested his forehead on hers for a moment before he continued to lead her down the hall and into the elevator that would take them down. When they emerged, they were at the main level of headquarters, and Crosshair walked Aurora over to the transports. As they walked, Aurora began asking herself what Crosshair could have planned for her date, what Hunter could have been so excited about that he had to call and tease.

The first question regarding the date was answered when Aurora spotted Wrecker standing in front of a compact, four-passenger speeder, suited up and holding up a board that read Ms. Dawn.

“Wrecker?” Aurora giggled.

“I do not know of whom you speak,” Wrecker answered eloquently. “I am the driver taking my unknown clients to their destination.”

Aurora laughed as Crosshair gestured for her to step into the vehicle, helping her so that she wouldn’t feel any pain while she did, and then he got in after her.

“Does the plan stand, my good sir?” Driver Wrecker asked Crosshair.

“It does,” Crosshair replied, giving a subtle yet playful roll of his eyes.

“Off we go then,” Wrecker stepped in the pilot’s seat. “No making out in my speeder.”

Wrecker drove off with the couple on the rear seats, and as soon as the speeder got in movement, the city lights caught Aurora’s attention. She watched them as they glided past her gaze and enjoyed the breeze on her cheeks—despite being in the middle of the biggest city in the galaxy, the air felt fresh and even clean. She would barely blink, eyes wide with wonder, and as she stared at the scenery, Crosshair’s ever watchful eyes would only focus on her.

Looking at her that way, Crosshair couldn’t decide if Aurora looked more stunning or endearing.

Slowly, Crosshair reached out for her hand. Aurora looked away from the city landscape the moment she felt his skin come in contact with hers, and with a tender smile, she locked her fingers with his. They didn’t say anything, though Crosshair was about to tell her to turn back to watching the city lights, which he now knew she loved so much. Before any words left him, however, Aurora carefully scooted closer to him, her body pressing to his side, and she leaned on him as she continued to bask in the city’s nightlife.

The ride was shorter than Aurora had expected, and before long, the vehicle came to a stop. Wrecker remained in his chauffeur character and gallantly opened the door for her and Crosshair, only breaking his role to remind his youngest brother to “send food to his loyal driver before he took off”. Crosshair nudged his brother before walking off with Aurora by his side, and he led her into the building.

Aurora couldn’t help but feel out of place. Though they weren’t in the building yet, Aurora recognized the part of the city they were at, one of the most high-end zones of the Coruscant capital. Around them, people of all races dressed in luxurious clothing and adorned with heavy accessories went about their night, some alone, some in couples, some in groups—it made sense why she’d received prior instruction to use her best outfit that night. It was the opposite of being in a war zone or even in GAR headquarters. Heck, the war didn’t even exist in that place.

But a night away from the war and anything to do with it was all Aurora wanted.

They approached the building that towered before them, tall and covered in glass panes that made it appear star-studded in the middle of the city skyline. At the top of the entrance, the word Passacaille was written in large, golden letters beaming with warm light to make them stand out in the night setting.

They were about to enter one of the fanciest hotels on the planet, possibly in the galaxy.

“Cross…” Aurora said, breathless. “Is this for real?”

“Yes,” he answered bluntly.

She let out a chuckle. “You didn’t have to go overboard—how can you even afford this? The restaurant, the speeder, what’s next? Are you going to take me to another planet?”

Crosshair chuckled. “We’re not leaving Coruscant’s atmosphere tonight. As for how I could afford this, call it a mix of my own Sabacc savings and a couple of returned favors.”

“I knew you were good at gambling, but… Returned favors?” Aurora raised a brow.

“Our squad takes on some unforeseen missions, some of them not entirely backed by the GAR,” Crosshair said. “Not exactly dirty work, but we’ve gotten enough members of the high-society and fellow clone squads out of a number of problems to earn their respect.”

The revelation paired with Crosshair in a full black suit and tie made Aurora’s blood flow to hidden corners. She snapped out of how much of a turn-on she found that to be when they reached past the building’s lobby and to the entrance of the restaurant, and Crosshair was greeted by the host to claim his reservation.

“This way, sir,” said the host, and he guided Crosshair and Aurora to a table near the center of the restaurant, placed right under an opulent chandelier that appeared, at least to the untrained eye, to be made of diamonds. Crosshair pulled out a chair for Aurora to sit, and then he took the seat in front of her. The host handed each one a menu and gave a faint bow before leaving them to it, and as hungry as Aurora was, she couldn’t help but gawk at the restaurant itself while listening to the soft piano music in the background and the faint chatter and clanking of dishes and glasses of the people around them.

Even the table where they were sitting was high-end. Made of a dark wood and covered by a dark red cloth, it was adorned at the center by a cylindrical container made of thin glass, filled with beads that looked like precious stones, with enough space inside it to hold two small candles. On top of each placemat, there was a cloth napkin folded into what Aurora felt resembled the peony Crosshair had given her earlier, and there was a set of more cutlery than Aurora could deduce use for.

She knew she’d use the wrong spoon for whatever she ate that night eventually.

“What do you think?” Crosshair broke the silence.

Aurora finally met his eyes again and couldn’t help but let out another breathless laugh. “This is wonderful, Crosshair…” Her chest heaved up and down before she forced herself to keep her feet on the ground. “I don’t want you thinking you always have to spend this much—”

“Enough of that,” he said. “Enjoy yourself.”

“Well, that I can do,” she smiled as she opened the menu and looked at everything the place had to offer. “Do you think they sell choccy blue milk here?”

Crosshair chuckled. “Come on, darling, that’s a joke Wrecker would make.”

“I had to,” she giggled.

Putting jokes aside, Aurora had to hold in a gasp at how delicious everything on the menu looked. It would be hard to only choose one thing, but by the time the waiter came around to take their order, she had decided on the plate of dumplings bathed in a five-cheese and herbs sauce. Crosshair went for a similar choice, except his plate had a spicy sauce. Once their order was taken, the waiter left them a bottle of white wine to enjoy in the meantime.

With their glasses full, Crosshair and Aurora clinked their glasses together and talked. Though they told stories of battles, it didn’t feel like they were talking about the war, and before Aurora even realized, her cheeks were sore from all the smiling. Soon, the subject morphed from wartime tales to Crosshair retelling his many Sabacc victores, which he eloquently disclosed as his foot rubbed Aurora’s calf under the table.

Soon, the plates were empty and the wine was gone. Crosshair paid for the dinner while Aurora watched him, her cheek resting on the palm of her hand with glistening eyes. Had she been less discreet, a dreamy sigh would have escaped her. She managed to hold it in, but not without its difficulties—the sight of Crosshair being a complete gentleman was all she didn’t know she needed.

After a lovely dinner, Crosshair got up from his chair and helped Aurora up from hers. He led her out of the restaurant and across the Passacaille’s lobby, and though Aurora was still mesmerized by the decor, her concentration broke when she realized Crosshair was not leading her to the exit.

“Where are we going?” Aurora asked. “Wrecker must be waiting for us by now.”

“Our chauffeur is long gone, darlin’,” Crosshair answered and made a gesture towards the elevators.

Aurora blushed. “Oh…”

“Is everything okay?” Crosshair asked.

“Yes!” Aurora blurted. “Oh, stars, yes, I just didn’t expect to be spending the night here as well.”

“Believe it,” Crosshair purred, pulling Aurora closer. “Come.”

They got into an empty elevator; Crosshair pressed the button for the penthouse and closed the door before anyone else could get in. As soon as the door closed and the elevator began moving up, Aurora pressed her body to Crosshair’s and wrapped her arms around his upper back. He kissed her without hesitation and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her gently so as to not hurt her. Time seemed to disappear as they sank into one another, hidden from the world and the war and from prying eyes. Their hardships were irrelevant if only for that moment. All that mattered was what they felt for one another, whether they spoke it aloud or not.

The couple felt the pull of gravity as the elevator came to a stop, and with a delicate ding! the doors opened to reveal a small, warmly lit hallway. Crosshair regained composure and walked Aurora out of the elevator and up to the single green door that was framed by glass panes, allowing for a tease of the penthouse behind it. He got the door open and Aurora couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her.

The walls were made of glass, and the edges were all lined with plants, from flowers to herbs, even succulents from different arid planets. Entwined in the plants were a series of warm fairy lights, adding a touch of coziness to the luxurious penthouse. On one of the corners there was a small fountain made of rock—water sprouted from the middle of a spherical black stone and fell onto a bowl of grayish marble, and the sound of spluttering water contrasted with the crackling of the fireplace on the opposite side of the room. There were two long couches made of black velvet in front of the fireplace, and behind them was an embroidered carpet made of black and silver threads. Beside the fountain was a nightstand, a large bed covered in a black fluffy comforter, and another nightstand, above which was a small lamp along with the controls to the rest of the lighting of the penthouse, including the artificial fireplace.

“I…” Aurora tried to recover her breath. “I feel like a princess.”

Crosshair gave a low chuckle as he closed and locked the door behind them. “So you like this place?”

“What a question,” Aurora smiled as she walked deeper into the room, examining every detail. She walked past the couches, brushing her fingers over the velvet, and felt a typhoon of emotions forming within her. As she took them all in, she turned to look at Crosshair again, who was already staring at her every move.

“What is it?” He asked her.

Aurora felt the blast wound on her hamstring begin to tingle. “Just a few days ago, I thought it would be over.”

“Hey,” Crosshair removed his coat and set it on the rack beside the door, walking towards her with his hands ready to take hers in them. “You’re here now, with me. In this place. You deserve no less than to feel at home in a room like this.”

“I’m sorry,” Aurora took his hands, her voice breaking. “I’m sorry, this is absolutely beautiful, Crosshair. More than I ever could have imagined. I don’t want to ruin it with my laments.”

“You aren’t ruining it,” he said, taking hold of her waist.

She looked at him with twinkling purple eyes and then gazed out the glass walls of the penthouse at the Coruscant skyline. Slowly, she unwrapped herself from Crosshair’s grip and walked over to the edge to better take in the sight, and Crosshair followed, positioning himself beside her.

“It’s like the war doesn’t exist here,” Aurora said. “And yet…”

“And yet, you and I just had the shittiest mission we can think of,” Crosshair completed for her.

Aurora gulped. “Yeah, that… that about sums it up.”

He turned to face her. “Aurora.”

She looked up at him, his features hardening the way they would when he would struggle to get words out.

“I…” he began. “I really thought I was going to lose you. I was willing to do anything to keep that from happening, but there were moments when…”

“I know,” Aurora said. “Believe me, I know.”

“I never want to feel that way again,” Crosshair admitted. “I had never been more afraid of anything in my life, and that scares me.”

“Cross…” Aurora sighed.

“Do you have any idea the hold you have on me?” He asked her.

“I can only imagine it’s the same as the one you have on me,” Aurora took his hands. “The war scares me too. Losing you scares me too. Losing you to anything, it’s unthinkable.”

Silence fell between them, and Crosshair cupped her warm cheek, tilting her face up to meet her gaze as he pulled her close.

“I wish we could stay here,” Aurora whispered. “I wish we didn’t have to go back in the morning.”

Crosshair acknowledged her words, but then he was the one to look at the city landscape.

“I want what you want,” Crosshair said. “But… don’t get me wrong, but war is my purpose.”

“It was your first one,” Aurora agreed. “But you could find another one.”

Crosshair met her gaze again, and her purple eyes gleamed with hope.

“Right?” She whispered.

His lips curved into a hint of a smile before he took his hands up to the back of her head, undoing the bun her lavender hair had been tied into. Once her hair fell in graceful waves down her shoulders, Crosshair found himself leaning down to kiss her. As she kissed him back, Aurora ran her hands up and down his back feeling the fabric of his black shirt. Crosshair began to lead her towards the bed, stumbling, refusing to break the kiss for longer than was necessary. When they reached the bed, he reached up her back and undid the button and zipper of her dress, and before undressing her, he swept her off her feet to place her gently on the bed—he relished in the soft whimper she made when he did that.

Crosshair climbed on the bed after undoing and removing his tie, as well as his shoes. He kissed her lips again as his right hand reached for the room’s controls, dimming the lights and making the glass walls opaque to conceal them from the world outside. Crosshair broke the kiss to remove the clothing on her, item by item. Her shoes, her tights, with more care than he ever thought he could muster as he gently revealed the bandage on her thigh, her dress. She was left in a black lace bra and panties, and basking in the sight of her, he removed his shirt.

Aurora couldn’t help but moan at the sight of him taking off his shirt and revealing his torso, marked by tattoos and battle scars. The light of the fireplace behind him seemed to make him glow, but the thought escaped Aurora when he leaned back down to kiss her again. Her breathing became heavier and a gentle moan left her as she entwined her fingers delicately through his silver hair.

Crosshair then made his way down to kiss her neck and her collarbone, obliviously bringing a fingertip to brush over the necklace she wore. He made his way farther down, and the lower he went, the more Aurora’s chest heaved. She felt his touch over her skin, shivers dancing wherever his fingers went. Sensations covered her belly, her hips, her inner thighs, and finally he was down between her legs wrapping his fingers around the black lace of her panties and pulling them down.

He didn’t beat around the bush. Aurora gasped and moaned the moment she felt his tongue over her clit, and she couldn’t help her eyes rolling back—he was just that good with her. As Crosshair kept eating her out, one of his hands snaked up Aurora’s body up to her belly, where her hand met his. She moaned deeper and deeper the more he flicked and sucked on her delicate skin, and she was so aroused that it took her no time to fall into bliss. Throwing her head back, Aurora squeezed Crosshair’s hand, her body squirming at wave after wave of pleasure, hearing Crosshair moan as her legs inevitably clenched towards him.

“Please,” Aurora whimpered. “I need you inside me now.”

Crosshair emerged from between her legs and crawled up to be at eye level with her. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she said, mindful of the bandage around her thigh. “I trust you.”

Crosshair was already struggling to hold into more control, but as his dark gaze looked into Aurora’s blissful eyes, he couldn’t keep holding back. He removed his trousers and his boxers and positioned himself above her once more, looking deep into her eyes.

“If it starts to hurt, let me know,” he said.

Aurora nodded frantically, biting her lower lip.

“I need you to promise,” he added.

“I promise,” Aurora replied, pulling up to kiss his lips.

Crosshair eventually settled his weight down and kissed her with more fervor as he inserted himself into her walls, shuddering at how tight and warm she felt around him. Aurora moaned at the fullness inside her, with a hint of relief escaping her voice. Crosshair’s pace began slow, luscious, always careful not to add too much pressure onto her legs. He didn’t need to go any faster—they were already so lost in one another that they were already in heaven with each other. Aurora moaned into Crosshair’s kisses, holding him tighter with every thrust he gave.

Her moans became high-pitched whimpers, and Crosshair increased his pace ever so slightly, enough to send her over the edge. He delighted in the rich moaning that came from her, and he felt the way that she tightened around him as her silhouette squirmed beneath him. He grunted at the tightness, dangerously close to the edge himself, until one last tug of her hand at his silver curls ended him and he spilled thick, white ropes of cum inside her.

Moaning in unison, the two collapsed onto the bed under them and caught their breath, merely enjoying the presence of one another after some long awaited, much deserved loving. Crosshair moved up to meet her gaze, inquiring with his gaze if she had felt any pain, any discomfort.

Aurora smiled in response. “I told you, you wouldn’t hurt me.”

Crosshair kissed her forehead. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Never again.”

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, but with the strength he had, Crosshair picked her up again and carried her over to the couch in front of the fireplace on the other side of the room. He gathered the bed’s comforter and went to sit next to her, placing her body leaning on his before covering them both in the tick, fuzzy blanket, softly kissing her temple when they were finally settled.

“Thank you for tonight,” Aurora said.

Under the blanket, Crosshair’s hand found hers and interlaced fingers. “I’m glad you like it.”

They looked at each other and perked up for another brief kiss before settling on the couch and letting the fireplace lull them to slumber.

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Taglist: @nunanuggets @redheadgirl @zoeykallus @rain-on-kamino @arctrooper69 @ceapa-mica @sageislostinspring @wildmoonflower @dangerousstrawberrypie @whore4rex @misogirl828 @salaminus @ladykatakuri @seriowan @prozacspice @eyecandyeoz {Let me know if you want to be tagged. I promise to update my taglists soon}

Thank you so much for reading!

[crimsonedquill]

hello there! i’d like to request a fic where amit finds himself head over heels for mc and has to control himself for the sake of keeping up his Good RavenclawTM image (but MC makes that difficult with their boldness/fowardness)

have a good day :)

I love Amit he's too precious for this world lol

Thanks for the ask 🖤

Craving (Amit Thakkar x gn!MC)

Tags: Spicy fluff (SFW), bold MC

“Good,” Amit said as they walked down the corridor, his voice laced with his usual energy, “so I planned for us to have drinks in Hogsmeade on Fridays –”

“Wait, just Fridays?” MC interrupted, their eyes widening as they quickly glanced at the schedule in their hands. “Why not Saturdays too?”

“Because that’s when you need to be studying for Ancient Runes. I’ve seen your marks, you really shouldn’t be neglecting your electives –”

“But that’s all the more reason for us to spend time together!” MC laughed, their voice filled with playful defiance, before their gaze turned mischievous. “I like to think that you keep me… motivated.”

Amit swallowed, looking around him to make sure the other students in the corridor weren’t listening in. “Well… I suppose I could come over to quiz you –”

“Hmhm,” MC purred, leaning closer until their lips brushed against his ear. “And then, you could reward me for being such a hardworking student…”

Amit’s cheeks flushed crimson, his heart racing at the tone of their voice. “Are we still talking about your academic performance?”

MC chuckled, a sound that sent a delightful shiver down his spine. They were so effortlessly charming, even when they weren’t trying. Imagine the amount of self-restraint they had to exercise when they actually were.

“Amit, you’re adorable. And I think it’s adorable that you’re making all of these schedules, but… sometimes it’s good to cede control and just lose yourself in the moment, you know?”

“The moment?” he asked, looking confused. “I’m not certain I understand what you –”

Before he could finish his sentence, MC yanked him into an alcove by his tie, their lips crashing against his in a passionate kiss. Time seemed to stand still as Amit’s senses were consumed by their intensity. He froze up, any chance he ever had at resisting melting away in their kiss. MC handled him with a fervour that made his head spin, giving him every chance to taste their desire, and it left him gasping for breath as they finally let go, flashing him a big grin. “See, you’re learning already.”

Amit struggled to find his words, his mind still reeling. “You really... I cannot…”

MC chuckled, their laughter a soothing balm to his overwhelmed senses as they tugged him along by the hand. “Don’t lose your head now, handsome. We’re going to be late for class.”

— — —

They had Astronomy class together later that evening, which meant Amit could finally immerse himself in his favourite subject, or so he thought. He had been diligently making changes to his star chart when MC waved them over. “Amit, could you help me adjust my telescope?”

In hindsight, he should probably have noticed that they had set up their telescope a little too far away from the other students, but his eagerness to assist overshadowed any inkling of suspicion. “Allow me,” he smiled at them, quickly moving behind the instrument as his experienced hands went to work.

“You’re my saviour,” MC’s voice came from somewhere to his left, their tone light and playful. A chuckle accompanied their words, causing Amit’s fingers to momentarily falter. “Where would I be without you?”

“With everything I know you to be, I find it slightly difficult to believe that you’re not mocking me right now,” he retorted, his focus still fixed on adjusting the telescope.

MC laughed. “No, I do mean it! In fact, I would like you to know just how grateful I am to have you…”

Before he could ask what they meant, his breath hitched in his throat as he felt a pair of lips brush against the sensitive skin of his neck. He struggled to maintain composure, his knees weakening under the intoxicating touch of MC’s teasing. “O, o Merlin –” he gasped.

MC temporarily withdrew their lips from his neck, their mischievous chuckle filling the silence. “Try to maintain your composure, dearest. Professor Shah might be looking.”

He would have liked to ask him why they wanted to remind him of that while they were busy sucking on his neck, but before he could even respond MC was back at it, placing open-mouthed kisses on his nape. He was having a very hard time controlling himself now, the urge to grab MC’s wrists and pin them against the railing washing away whatever rational thoughts he still had. They truly had the power to unravel him completely, a fact that both thrilled and terrified him.

“Mr Thakkar!” a stern voice suddenly bellowed, piercing through the haze of desire. MC’s lips swiftly abandoned his neck, and he nearly knocked over the telescope in his haste to stand up straight. Professor Shah strode toward them, her posture radiating disappointment as she planted her hands on her hips. “Would you care to explain the meaning of this?”

“MC had some trouble adjusting their telescope, Professor,” he hurriedly explained, “I was simply offering to help –”

“Aha, and I am probably to assume that what you have on your neck there is just a mosquito bite?”

“Well, as a matter of fact –”

“Detention, the both of you!” she snapped, her voice cutting through the crisp night air. “And I would like to express my deepest disappointment, Mr Thakkar. I expected better from you.”

Amit stood there, flabbergasted, as Professor Shah marched away, leaving him speechless and uncertain of what to say or do next. Eventually, he turned to face MC, who was still sporting a mischievous grin despite the reprimand. “No need for such a long face,” they said. “I already have some ideas on how to pass the time.”

— — —

They reported for detention the next day in the Transfiguration classroom. Professor Weasley seemed more than a little surprised to see Amit. “Mr Thakkar, are you feeling all right?”

“Uh, yes, Professor,” Amit answered, feigning a cough as he slightly adjusted the scarf around his neck. He wished MC would stop snickering behind him. “It’s just a simple cold.”

“Well, I must say I wasn’t quite expecting to see you here today – or ever, for that matter. You must have committed quite a heinous transgression.”

“I… I apologise, Professor. It certainly won’t happen again.”

He was grateful when Professor Weasley finally averted her gaze and told them to sit down. He walked over to the table closest to the teacher’s desk, but suddenly felt himself pulled along as MC dragged him to the back of the classroom. “What are you…?”

“She won’t notice,” MC assured him. “Now, come sit down with me.”

Remarkably, they turned out to be right as Professor Weasley only instructed them to keep quiet and start on their homework. Amit did as he was told, continuing his essay on the various applications of Dittany, but it wasn’t too long before he felt MC’s foot against his. They slid him a note: want to continue where we left off?

He gave them a sideways glance, the confusion clearly readable on his face as they had to stifle a chuckle. He frantically nodded his head in the direction of Professor Weasley.

“You’ll just have to keep quiet then,” MC chuckled, pulling down his scarf. He never stood any chance to stop them, but he noticed he didn’t really want to either. Soon, MC had him at their mercy again, lightly nibbling at his neck with an intensity he would call bold, even for them. He tried to focus on his essay, if only it was just to give the impression that he was working, but his mind was completely occupied by MC's playful advances. The sensation of their warm breath against his skin sent shivers down his spine, making it increasingly difficult to concentrate.

Amit stole a quick glance at Professor Weasley, who seemed engrossed in grading papers. He knew he should put a stop to this, that he should focus on his punishment and behave appropriately. But the mischievous sparkle in MC’s eyes was hard to resist, and the allure of their moist lips even harder.

With a mix of both guilt and excitement, he finally turned and leaned closer to MC, their lips barely grazing each other. The tantalizing taste of forbidden pleasure sent a rush of adrenaline through his veins. He knew the danger they were in, the punishment they would risk if they were caught, but it was like none of that mattered anymore. His heart raced with a heady mixture of fear and exhilaration, his body craving more of MC’s intoxicating touch.

As his hand trembled, he cupped MC's cheek, feeling the warmth of their skin beneath his fingertips. A soft sigh escaped into his mouth as MC's tongue gently pressed against his lips, seeking entrance. The world around them faded into insignificance as he parted his lips, inviting them in. Their tongues met in a fervent dance of desire and longing that only fueled their mutual hunger. The sensation was overwhelming, each touch and taste filling him with a dizzying euphoria.

Just as things reached a fever pitch, a sudden cough from Professor Weasley shattered their moment. They hastily pulled apart, both quickly looking down at their parchment. The room was filled with a tense silence, broken only by the sound of their heavy breathing.

Professor Weasley remained quiet, however, and after a few more moments she signalled that they could leave. Amit was almost sure he could see her eyebrows crease above her glasses when they slipped out of the classroom, but he wasn’t eager to find out whether she knew.

Outside, MC laughed as their hand slipped into his. “Well, that was certainly… interesting.”

“I feel like I have never been closer to certain untimely demise,” he sighed as he wiped his forehead, feeling his heart still throbbing in his chest.

“But you did kiss me back. Tell me, didn’t you find it at least a little exhilarating?”

He looked at them, taking in their pretty features, the unmistakable cocky grin that always made his heart flutter. In spite of their recklessness, he couldn’t deny he was utterly in love with them. “I do admit there’s something about you that brings out a certain… side of me.”

“Is that so?” MC giggled, leaning closer to whisper in his ear. “Well, let’s continue to explore that side, then. I can’t wait for you to tell me unsavoury things in Gobbledygook.”

He could only imagine his face as their laughter echoed through the corridor.

[fanficsforloki]

Bootstrap Paradox - oneshot

Wordcount: 10k

(this is only the first part, i know it gets weird but don't worry, it's not what you're thinking i promise ahah)

Warnings: mention of suicide, a bit of angst, daddy issues

What if Loki has a daughter...? And what if she gets in trouble?

Joceline is a not-so brillian physician who had a daughter with Loki. Unfortunately, he had died by the hands of Thanos, and their daughter grows up without knowing who her real father is.

But one day, Joceline decides to introduce her daughter to her father traveling through the time, but she's going to make a huge mess...

Year 2027.

Joceline Finch was a down-to-earth woman with her head firmly planted on her shoulders.

With her biting cynicism, she always said that far too many people believe in eternal love. A tragedy of biblical dimensions, and her stance on the matter hardened when, ten years earlier, she couldn't even imagine what it felt like to be deeply and passionately obsessed with the man who would leave her forever.

-Sixteen years…

She murmured as she leaned over the sink in front of the bathroom mirror, rubbing the lip balm on her lips with the tip of her finger.

-If only you had seen the pandemic or the war in Ukraine… You would have laughed. Pervert.

Every now and then she spoke aloud to herself, hoping to be heard by the person implied.

Loki had died far from her, and she never saw him again...

Sometimes she found it hard to believe. She didn't even see his body, they didn't allow her to see it. He was in a terrible state, they said. But he's still my husband, she would've replied. The last memory she had of him at least, was one of the most tender.

She had met him sixteen years ago, when she was still a trainee for Stark Industries.

In theory she was an engineer, in practice she was an awkward, shy and absent-minded girl who did nothing but make troubles that Tony Stark himself always had to put his hand to. Perhaps it was precisely this tragicomic quality that attracted that wicked Loki.

When he was taken prisoner by the Avengers she was designated as his overseer; Tony figured that putting her sitting quietly for a few hours in front of a cage wouldn't make any mess.

You all can imagine how things went...

That man, no, that cultured, astute and manipulative god had in his hands the sweet beating heart of little Joceline; the two used to talk to each other a lot to pass the time, despite Loki’s initial resistance and his muteness, irascible. From the outside, the beginning of their story can be traced back to Beauty and the Beast, a fairy tale in short.

But then, Loki was taken aback to see that the girl’s kindness and optimism were genuine. And she was naive enough to amuse and upset him. Every time they looked at each other, separated by the glass of his cell, Loki was torn: he could have exploited her as he pleased, but on the other hand he didn’t want to betray her trust.

She managed to awaken in him feelings such as benevolence and compassion, and the young woman seems to sincerely appreciate him.

They fell in love, sharing weaknesses, imperfections and vulnerabilities, but never touching.

The first time she was able to hold him to her was only the day Thor brought him back to Asgard. She had to wait six years to see him again, hearing of him only from Thor.

Loki was certainly not a manageable partner, nor a shin of a saint, always ready to combine one of his own, but he never made her lack the love of the world and adoration, he even asked her to marry him.

From the mirror in the bathroom, at the end of the corridor, she saw the reflection of the wide-open door that led onto a small bedroom. Some clothes were scattered on the floor, at the end of the bed a pair of soft and pretty slippers, just like the little girl who was still sleeping blissfully, covered by the duvet up to her nose. She had pasted anything from magazine clippings to book pages to postcards of landscapes and animals to the walls, but she had the permission to do so. A row of LEDs ran along the entire perimeter of the room and seemed to change color according to the rhythm marked by the girl’s sleep.

Joceline spoiled her daughter, but she wouldn’t let her rest for much longer: although it was Sunday, the girl had to wake up, or her mother wouldn’t have had time to show her what she was working on…

She turned off the light in the bathroom and walked down the corridor, entering the bedroom without too many ceremonies.

-Phoebe, it’s already nine, you know dad doesn’t want you to stay in bed too long, plus with such a beautiful day.

She slalomed through the clothes on the carpet and opened the curtains, illuminating the pale face of her daughter who moaned half asleep.

But in that moment, Joceline's sweet companion returned home. His exaggerated enthusiasm always put the two girls in a good mood.

The little girl, Phoebe, seemed to forget the winter chill and leapt up from the bed, running down the corridor to jump on the neck of the man who still hadn’t taken off his jacket.

-Oh, dad! You’re finally back!

The man squeezed the girl, holding her with one arm without any effort as he arranged the breakfast on the table.

-Yeah, I’m sorry i was away these days, but in New Asgard they needed me.

He didn’t let go of the child, continuing to hold her in his arms and sway as if to cradle her. Joceline stopped in the small adjoining hall, tucking her brown hair behind her ears.

-Thor, welcome back.

That giant was all smiles and went to embrace the woman with the same enthusiasm of a golden retriever.

-Oh, Joceline, how I missed you, sooo much!

Though he was the god of thunder, renowned for bringing storms with him, he had the power to bring an almost golden, clear light to that house, like the sun breaking through the clouds after a storm. That’s how Joceline saw it, like a big oxymoron.

The times when he called her Miss or Lady and were long gone.

Thor crushed both her and the child, leaving both short of breath from the heat of his affection. Joceline was sure that the more time Thor spent with Quill, the more neurons he lost.

Her and Thor had shared the same joys and pains that had united them in a relationship that was not much romantic, but more familiar.

The pain of Loki and Jane’s deaths had rearranged their hearts as best they could, keeping them together.

Thor looked after the child as much as he could (although Joceline had strong doubts as to which of the two was actually the child), and Phoebe herself admired and loved him. They were really best friends. He had never missed a play, a dance recital, a father’s day in class. He was always there, even when he was on some mission. And now that Thor had moved in with them, Phoebe didn’t give him a moment of break.

The three lived in a modest house, a wooden prefab, where they had only the essentials. They often traveled together to go to his old people in Norway, at other times they returned to the heart of New York to meet their old colleagues and friends.

In that house, nothing could be traced back to Joceline’s old husband.

She kept the memories in her mind, and for a lifetime she kept it hidden from her daughter, as if her black ringlets and ice-cold eyes weren’t a hint…

And Thor, oh, Thor… Thor loved the child as a last memory of his brother, and Joceline as a last memory of Jane. This was the explanation she had given herself for the continuous and warm presence of the god of thunder. It was a sincere affection, but bypassed by that for those who were no longer there.

No one had loved her like Loki, and if he had known how it was about to end, in a very selfish way, she wouldn’t have even wanted to experience that feeling.

Luckily she had a reason to live. Phoebe was a mature, brilliant, witty, clever, intriguing, sharp-tongued girl with a huge and pounding heart. He was like her father, his real father, as if it had been a trick (or a gift) of fate. She was her light, as the name suggested, pure and bright.

While she was lost in her thoughts, that good housekeeper that Thor was had already set the table, made the coffee and sat down with Phoebe to eat.

Life.

Joceline needed life and clung to it desperately.

Thor’s vitality was a panacea for the little girl who, otherwise, would be alone and silent reading, closed in her room, intrigued by tragedies, new to strong feelings and sensitive. Hot tempered, ardent and spiteful, she didn’t open up to anyone but her good old Thor.

Joceline smiled warmly to see Phoebe eating happily and trying to sweeten the coffee as much as possible by adding milk and sugar, while asking her stepfather a thousand questions about how the visit to Norway had gone, with a big smile on her lips.

She was growing up, and soon it would be time to introduce her to her father. The woman took her place at the table, pouring herself some coffee and watching the hot steam rise to the ceiling. She couldn’t leave her in the dark any longer.

She had devised a way for her to meet him directly. Joceline had thought of time travel as the Avengers had. She needed to use the Quantum Realm Time Vortexes, but what was she going to do without Jane?

Her calculations were always disastrous. She had checked Tony’s files, already suppressing her nervousness at the thought of his friend’s taunting. Wish he had been there too, to tease her and maybe give her a hand… Wish they had all been there, without having to resort to those extreme methods.

Alternate and parallel realities to avoid temporal paradoxes, she remembered that sentence well. She had to find a solution to not find herself like in Back to the Future. What if taking her daughter with her into the past changed the present? She had to be careful. Whatever they did, direct contact or some accident, the flow of time would form branches other than the main reality. Variants…

The woman looked up at her daughter laughing with Thor. She half smiled, taking a sip of her bitter coffee and then stood up, making the legs of the chair screech against the floor.

-Today I’m going to the lab, I have something in mind…

Thor held back a laugh.

-Yes, but don’t blow the roof off again.

Grinning, the big man got a newspaper on his head, making the girl laugh.

-Phoebe.

Her mother called her back and she raised her clear gaze at her, asserting herself instantly, as if to show herself innocent.

- I wish you could come too.

Phoebe snorted and got up from the table, slamming the door into her bedroom.

It was a yes, but he only did it to please his mother.

*

Along the highway, in a large and rather desolate space, Joceline had managed to reorganize an old shack with all its work tools. It was his scruffy workshop that she’s already had to pull out of the wreckage a couple of times with Thor. It was... bad… There she had reproduced a device for entering the quantum realm. To the past; she wanted to go there, in her own linear timeline, so that the past could not be changed. Like in that little book her daughter was reading, “Before the coffee gets cold”.

The past cannot be changed because it has already passed.

Among the dust that covered every corner of that ruin, Joceline shed light with a small torch while making small adjustments to the machine.

Phoebe stood a few paces behind her, sneezing impatiently from the dust.

-So, did you want to show me a tin can or does it actually do something?

As the little girl breathed in her impatient words, the machine lit up a deep blue.

-There we go!

Joceline exulted as she leapt to her feet, throwing her arms in the air as she still clutched the screwdriver. Phoebe didn’t look too convinced. Mom’s creations usually always turned out to be failures and yet she persisted in spending the nights in that place teeming with some kind of syphilis-like disease. Phoebe hid her nose in the collar of her jacket at that thought.

Her mother, however, this time seemed to be more convinced than usual of her success.

-Quick, Phoebe, come here and give me your hand. A space-time portal has just opened.

- You’re joking, aren’t you!? I don’t wanna go in there. Do you even know how to get back?

Phoebe jumped back, shrinking into her coat and glaring at her mother like crazy. To think of it, Mom couldn’t have been a totally cool girl. To be with Thor, she couldn’t have all the wheels working.

Joceline took her daughter’s hands, forcing her to come closer with her.

-I have to show you something very important.

As she spoke, the two were pulled into the portal, and Joceline gripped her daughter’s hands tighter and tighter.

-And what would that be???

Phoebe felt like vapor, dematerialized and glowing. Ahead, in a swirl of lights, she saw only her mother’s lips moving, but she couldn’t hear. Sh tried at all costs to get away to go back. She tried to scream, but she didn’t even hear her own voice. It was such a serene sensation that it terrified her. She closed his eyes, trying to get closer to her mother.

When she opened them again, she found that she was still intact, but her mother was not there. Phoebe looked around. The haze made the wasteland even more gloomy. Phoebe whirled as she walked across the barren, scrub-covered ground. The sky was gray, and there didn’t seem to be a soul alive. She stopped, heaving a sigh. It was hot, but there was rain in the air.

What did her mother want to show her, nuclear disasters? Because it looked just like a post apocalyptic land. She was short of air, but not so much that she couldn’t bellow in exasperation and walk briskly. She had to absolutely find shelter, quickly.

Joceline regained consciousness, leaping up with her heart in her mouth.

She was standing in what seemed to be a golden observatory, in front of which a huge rainbow path stretched out.

She did it, she had gone back to the past!

And the Bifrost was still there, which meant she was back in Asgard. Her excitement turned to terror when she saw that her daughter was missing. It wasn’t there anywhere. She had lost her in the quantum realm.

She screamed desperately, falling on the ground as if to pick up what was left of her daughter.

-Joceline

A little-known voice, but which she had already heard, reached her ears. When she turned around, she saw a dark warrior towering solemnly in front of a sword stuck in the center of the room like a keyhole.

Joceline thanked heaven, coming to kneel in front of him, even placing her hands on the ground. It had been so many years…

-Heimdall, is it really you…

He nearly moved.

-I know where you're from and why you're here.

Heimdall cut it short immediately, letting the woman formally bow before him.

-Please, I beg you, tell me where Phoebe is, my daughter.

Joceline clasped her hands in front of her chest.

Heimdall closed his eyes and seemed to roll them inside his skull. When he opened them again they had changed color in a living, divine gold.

He seemed to be in a distant place, he looked as if he saw and heard beyond the space that surrounded him, beyond time.

Statuary, with his hands gripping his sword, announced:

- She's s on Earth. Year 2052.

Joceline gasped for breath.

-Take me to her, Heimdall.

The guardian shook his head.

-I will send you home, but the girl is not alone.

With that, he swung his sword, and Joceline felt herself being dragged away.

-Wait, who is she with!?

-No need to rush, Mrs. Laufeyson.

*

Year 2027.

Joceline snapped her eyes back, looking up from the rickety table where she was working. At first she thought she had a bad dream, but the bluish pulsing light of her machine which had closed made her lose hope.

-…Phoebe is in trouble.

Gathering her things in a hurry, Joceline ran to her car and started calling Thor constantly, always getting voicemail.

Good heavens, she kept telling himself, this is the biggest shit I’ve ever done.

*

Year 2052.

Phoebe was a brave girl, there was no doubt about that. She had found refuge near a makeshift camp, behind a caravan. She had managed to scrape together some wood to light the fire. She was proud of herself, she wanted to show it to Thor. But the question was: how on earth would she turn it on?

She kicked the pile of branches, sitting up in frustration and huffing loudly.

She began to think: she was undecided whether to enter the passenger compartment to steal what she needed or not. A weapon, she needed a weapon. She was only thinking of daggers, but who knows what stuff the people in those parts were equipped with…

Phoebe snorted, squeezing even more into her jacket, sinking her face into the collar held up.

She had to get away, not only was she afraid, but she also had a bad feeling if she stayed there longer.

She stood up on shaking legs, steeling himself. She slapped his cheeks a couple of times and resumed her journey.

Walking on that steep ground was not easy, and every now and then she tripped over a few pebbles, because she paid too much attention to the surrounding place.

It looked like a cemetery, evidently there weren’t even any survivors left.

The wind blew weakly, bringing the heat with it, but she was so anxious that she shivered. There was no oxygen, the air was warm.

Not far away, she glimpsed two figures sitting in front of a camper. The discouragement led her to run, intent on going to ask for help from them.

-Hey, sorry, sorry!

She began to speak loudly, slowing down as she got closer.

-Can you tell me where am I-

Corpses.

They were two corpses in an advanced state of decomposition. Phoebe was petrified at that scene and started to back away. Choked with panic, she gasped for air to scream, but someone behind her covered her mouth and lifted her off the ground, making her turn around.

-Don't even try!

*

Year 2017.

-What do you think of us having a daughter?

That very specific question stopped Joceline’s frantic fingers tapping on the computer keyboard.

Thor, facing them, seemed to choke on the beer he was drinking.

Loki kept both elbows on the table, intent on looking over the laptop of his girlfriend who raised her frowning gaze at him.

-Loki, you know how I feel about having children…

Faced with Loki’s exuberance and his always intense gaze, she was sorry to have to repeat her harsh opinions to him.

-It no longer makes sense to have children, the world is going to ruin and they would only experience disasters. I don’t want to be cursed by a baby, it’s heartbreaking enough having you throwing tantrums.

Loki stretched out a hand to the pc, calmly pulling the screen down and moving it away, returning to look more seriously at the girl.

-We will have a daughter.

That tremendous austerity left Joceline speechless, causing her to burst into a thunderous laugh that infected even Thor; they were convinced he was joking, but he immediately got annoyed, crossing his arms over his chest and looking away, snorting through his nose.

-I said we will have a daughter.

-Of course, it’s already the third time you’ve said it, and who would have told you, sorry?

Loki looked at the two who continued to laugh sternly.

-You told me, Joceline.

The cold and melancholy tone of the man silenced the two, who resumed doing their things without saying a word.

-And we’ll call her Phoebe.

Two weeks later, Joceline discovered she was pregnant.

*

Year 2027.

Joceline hurried into her house, turning on the lights.

-Thor, where the heck are you, Thor!?

It was evident that he was not at home, so she tried again to call him on the phone, with no answer.

-damn…

Joceline couldn’t hold back the tears and had no other choice.

At the height of desperation, she tried to scream Heimdall’s name, asking for help.

It was only by God’s good grace that she found herself sobbing again on the fine floor where the Bifrost’s sentinel triumphed.

Caught up in tears, Joceline hadn’t realized she’d made it into the Bifrost. She had no way of accessing it, or at least she believed so…

It must have been 2012 or 13, Earth year.

Joceline dried her tears and thanked Heimdall who motioned her to continue towards the kingdom.

The woman sniffed and nodded, running through the various changing colors of the rainbow as she saw more and more clearly the realm she had never managed to see before: Asgard.

*

Year 2052.

Phoebe was kicking with her legs and screaming at the palm of the hand of the man who was carrying her the other way from where she had come. She was tenacious, but this guy was much stronger than her. Blocked in that position, the little girl could not see who it was. He carried her under his arm as if she were a lamb.

-Calm down, I said, calm down, you silly!

He scolded her, but it was soothing and he spoke in a low voice. He didn’t seem bad from the tone, not at all. His timbre was quite hypnotic, but Phoebe had held on to her instincts and didn’t trust it.

After so much walking, that someone put her feet on the ground, letting go.

Mist covered the surrounding view, but to their right a huge concrete wall rose, as if a boundary had been drawn into it.

Before she could even think of running away, the man grabbed her by the wrist making her turn towards him.

He was wearing a tan suit, he looked like a stupid postal worker. A very stupid one. He was well built and very tall, probably as tall as Thor. When she raised her head, Phoebe gasped: she had no idea who he was, but he was looking at her with exasperation and curiosity, as if he were studying her.

In fact, he snorted annoyed, looking up at the sky and slapping his hand on his forehead.

-God, look where that idiot sent me to pick you up…

Phoebe frowned, trying again to free herself from his grip, expressing the effort of her attempts in almost savage noises.

- No no no. Calm down, tiger, I’m taking you home now.

The man bent down in front of her, a gesture so humble as to seem out of his own character. He was certainly not accustomed to those uses. Phoebe nearly growled, finding herself mirrored in the man’s frown. From the raven hair to the icy eyes and tight lips, both with furrowed brows. He couldn’t have been more than twenty, twenty-five years old, yet his gaze reflected an ancient, ancestral soul.

-Mom hasn’t told you anything yet, hasn't she?

*

Year 2012, maybe 13.

When Joceline entered the palace she was mesmerized. She remembered that heavenly place perfectly and her heart cried remembering that it would soon be destroyed. It was almost Ragnarok, less than five years.

She had to find Loki, but she knew very well that (if for once her calculations were correct) she would find him locked up in a dungeon cell. Maybe if she went to talk to him, she could save Phoebe. She no longer cared about distorting the present, her little girl was the priority.

The castle, however, seemed to be in an uproar. Joceline was confused to see so many guards scurrying up and down the stairs, in and out of the building, as if preparing for an attack.

At the center of the atrium was Frigga, as beautiful and seraphic as ever. Stern in her face, she looked disappointed. How could Frigga be there? Joceline knew very well that she was dead, that it had happened just before…?

Her doubts were resolved when she heard Odin’s mighty voice bouncing off every wall, even shaking the clear glass. The loud echo made her cover her ears.

-You better bring my scoundrel son back here! Dead or alive! This is already the second time he steals the Tesseract!

Second?

Joceline raised her eyebrows. How second? Wasn’t it enough for him once? Had he managed to escape and recover that cursed cube? Had he escaped to the Avengers?

-... I ended up in another timeline, haven't i?

Joceline was already ready to backtrack and apologize to Heimdall, since she had obviously called the wrong one. She must have ended up in an alternate reality and she had to find a way back to her own world.

When she turned around, a pair of guards in totally different attire stood behind her. They didn’t even look like they were from Asgard, they looked like normal agents. Only three letters stood out on their uniform.

TVA.

They weren’t Asgardians at all, but Joceline didn’t have time to wonder what those people were doing there.

-Forgive me, I have to go.

Joceline tried to pass between the two women, but she couldn’t, being blocked by the bigger one.

-Joceline Finch, I’m placing you under arrest for violating the Sacred Timeline.

And having said that, she opened a portal beside them. On the other side there was a huge building that stood out against the boundlessness of space.

-Reset the timeline.

The second agent dropped a strange instrument on the ground that released a light that passed beyond all forms and people.

They went beyond that portal, without anyone having seen them.

-But where am I?

-Don’t say a word

-Can I have at least a lawyer?

-You better be quiet, Mrs. Finch.

-Yes, yes, anything you say can be used against you. If I told you cats, would you throw a kitten in my face? I want at least some explanations!

As she was escorted through these large offices that seemed frozen in the seventies, with their soft lights and sad colors, Joceline looked up at the various framed posters hanging on the walls.

It was a dark and gloomy place, but it was teeming with life, people hurrying and coming from all over the place. It looked like an old press office in a frenzy, or the highly improbable offices of corporate accountants. It was a vast place, but she had no idea what it could be. Joceline was under arrest for violating the sacred timeline.

But wasn’t it dumb?

Where has relativity gone?

Being arrested for something like that was trivial to say the least. Once past the lobby, the elevators and the various floors of the building, she found himself hearing only her own footsteps and those of the agents rumbling in the long corridor. Joceline swallowed.

-Looks like the hotel from The Shining. Don’t you think so? Have you ever seen it? Does Kubrick exist here?

A laugh in front of them made them stop. The agents weren’t surprised, on the contrary, they respectfully greeted the one who was sneering at it.

-It’s really something of the family that you can’t stop that tongue, huh!?

A blondish little man with a questionable mustache was laughing in front of the woman handcuffed and wrapped up in a prison overalls. She’d been turned inside out, run over machinery (making her wonder if she was a robot without her knowledge), yanked around and now that bastard was laughing in her face.

The woman’s expression was clear: she would have made him spit out all his teeth if he continued.

The man composed himself, clearing his throat with a couple of coughs, extending a hand to the lady to introduce himself.

-Mobius M. Mobius, I’m in charge of TVA Law Enforcement and Violation. I have to admit, I’m a great admirer of your husband.

Joceline thought she was going crazy. Whose admirer!? There was no respect, and then why the hell did he reach out a hand if she couldn’t shake it, was he really that stupid or was he just an asshole!? She was on the verge of an hysterical crysis.

-I’ll be repetitive, but where-the-fuck-am I.

-Well, Mrs. Laufeyson, you are now at the base of the TVA, an organization responsible for monitoring the multiverse, or rather the various timelines. Looks like you have altered your past and future, so you’ll have to go through her due process. But, there's a but: since yours is a delicate situation, I allow you to speak to your dear spouse. Be careful though, he doesn’t know you’re married. In fact, he knows nothing at all.

As he spoke he walked down a corridor so long it seemed circular, full of ups and downs that repeated themselves at regular intervals. When she saw the same door for the tenth time she realized she was trapped in a loop and felt tricked.

-It’s a huge joke, isn’t it?

Mobius shook his head and finally opened that door where she was slammed in without hesitation.

Once it closed, in the semi-darkness of the room, Joceline was able to recognize and retrace the contours of the man she had given up for good. Her lips quivered and her breath caught as the god of Mischief stood there, with his pale face and imposing stature. He smiled at her between please and amusement, nonchalantly keeping his hands in his pockets.

-…L…Loki

She only managed to whisper his name, she hadn’t heard or pronounced that harmonious word for years, overcome with emotion.

The other’s eyes were laughing as well as he barely shook his head, holding back a laugh between his thin lips.

-I was hoping that over time you would become less clumsy.

*

Year 2052.

-Mom hasn’t told you anything yet, hasn’t she?

The man released the girl’s slender wrist, getting up and starting to walk again. Hearing those words, Phoebe scrambled to keep up with him. Two of her steps were only one of that dude.

-she told me she had to show me something, but then I crashed here.

The man stopped, and she slammed into his strong back.

-Then, welcome to the future, Phoebe.

The man opened his arms as if to show her that vast desolation.

The little girl’s eyes widened. She was sure she was in the future, but she was surprised by the way he called her. Not only he did know her name, but he said it with such passion that her heart skipped a beat.

That man, that young man looked at her over his own shoulder, remaining serious. After observing the girl’s expression, in which he recognized her mother’s helpless one, he moved forward again.

-We need to hurry, no one has see you here.

Without any question, Phoebe followed the man. She purposely stood half a step behind him, watching him. He never turned to her, nor did he open his mouth. They were just moving away from that giant wall. Who knows what was behind it…

It was an indefinable place, they could be anywhere.

“As soon as I get the chance, I’ll knock him out, steal anything from him that might be of use to me, and flee,” she thought, keeping her eyes glued to him as they walked into a forest of conifers. At that precise moment, he looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

-I know what you’re thinking, those tricks don’t work on me.

At his defiant display, Phoebe stopped, the soles of her shoes scuffing on the path. No one had ever dared to challenge her cunning like this, belittling her as if she were inept.

-So tell me why I should trust you and follow you.

Phoebe was already ready to run, one foot pointing in the direction they’d come from. She would wait for nightfall, dig a hole under that wall and find out what lay beyond.

The man turned completely towards her, not deigning to remove his hands from his pockets.

-I work, to my detriment and completely against my will, for the TVA, a sort of time police. Your mother has, as usual, made a mess and I must get you back to her, send you home and reset the timeline as soon as possible. Also because I have a lot of other things to think about…

She hadn’t understood much of it, but it seemed exhaustive. The conviction with which he spoke made her think of an old family friend, or one of those relatives you rarely see.

-How do you know my mother…?

The little girl scowled, stepping back half a step. All that confidence of his was absurd.

The man in front of her smiled for the first time, dare I say shy, just shrugging his shoulders.

-You see, Phoebe, apparently I’m your father.

*

Year 2027.

Thor was still tormenting Banner, now shaking him by the shoulders as well.

-I TOLD YOU THEY ARE DISAPPEARED INTO NOWHERE, I tried to look for them in that chamber of horrors that Joceline calls lab, but they weren’t there. I only found this little cube that fizzes furiously.

He pointed again to the thing his tender companion had created on the university laboratory table. Thing, he didn’t know how to define it better. Even Bruce seemed upset and embarrassed by that thing.

-…It’s all completely wrong.

-I KNEW IT! I mean, shit, I knew it. Is there a way to get them back?

Bruce adjusted his glasses on his nose, continuing to examine Joceline’s contraption.

-There are chances, but after this please tear that place down and tell her once and for all that science isn’t her field.

*

TVA

Seated facing each other on two small red chairs, the two were distant again, just like when Loki was under her surveillance. Looking at his immaculate little face, Joceline understood that this Loki (who evidently wasn’t hers, but from another timeline) had managed to escape to the Avengers, ignoring the exact passage of time and finding himself there, more or less in her same situation.

-Hell, I haven’t seen you in years…

Joceline let that line slip after Loki quickly explained her the situation. He had been forced to help the authorities of the time to stop a huge threat that was none other than himself. Mobius, however, had just implicated him in the arrest of his wife. Or rather, of her slightly aged friend. He had prevented her from being brought to court on her own, surely putting Loki to exam.

He felt like laughing, looking away.

-I haven’t seen you for a few days actually.

Joceline smiled, shaking her head slightly.

She felt a little silly, but looking at him she felt like she had sixteen years ago, a little hot and embarrassed. Shee tried to suppress those emotions, remembering the fights and how annoying and hostile how childish, fantastic... charming... idiot he was.

Loki sat with his arms folded and legs apart, rocking slightly in his chair.

-I won’t ask you how the future is, I already know I won’t be there, and I don’t want to hear it again.

Joceline looked at the ground, Loki at the screen where a while ago he had seen the entire film of his life scroll. It had been a pain for him, but somehow he had accepted it. After all, he was there now, he had no way of going back. And he never would, it was just a source of suffering.

-There are some things you don’t know…

Joceline said softly, keeping her knees together and still looking at the tiled floor. It felt like she was talking to a ghost. Every time she spoke to him alone, she would never have imagined seeing his serious face frowning at her, pursing his lips in a line.

Loki shifted a bit in his chair, looking around.

-And it has to do with why we’re both here now. It wouldn’t surprise me.

Joceline looked up at him, ready to ask him to pick up their little girl, wherever she was.

*

Year 2052.

The tension was tangible, thick as a loaf of stale bread, hard and difficult to chew and swallow.

Phoebe was shocked, watching that boy tell her in an almost bored and cynical tone that he was her father. She shook her head, mocking that ugly reptilian.

-Don’t fool me, my father is Thor, the god of thunder, the strongest of the Avengers, after the Hulk, but you don’t tell him i said so.

Loki looked at her even more confused than she was. He raised an eyebrow, laughing slightly and looking up at the sky.

-No, Thor your uncle at most, but what… the heck…?

That damn Thor had stolen away his girlfriend, no, his wife as soon as he had stepped aside, huh? How many snakes he would have make him swallow! Horizontally!!!

Phoebe rolled her gaze and back at him, angrier than before.

-Thor is my father.

Taken by anger and nervousness, Loki began to speak peevishly, approaching the girl with heavy steps.

-Oh yes? So tell me, what are your powers?

Overwhelmed by the man, Phoebe almost broke her neck to look at him. Her back was against the trunk of a fir tree, and the other gritted his teeth in front of her, as if to hold back.

-My…powers?

-Yes, you are a demigoddess, aren’t you? Then show me what you can do.

-uhm…

The little girl was embarrassed.

-You should also be semi-immortal, right? What’s your weak point? Why are you ten years old and don't look like a baby like any celestial creature?

As Phoebe wrung her hands for an answer, he took her shoulders and shook her a little, looking her straight in the eyes.

-Your mother never even told you about me, did she?

Phobe shook her head slowly, watching as the man’s anger reached its climax and faded into displeasure which transmuted into contempt in seconds. His eyes were on fire, and he was squeezing her shoulders more vigorously.

-Your mother is just a liar.

He released her, standing up so quickly that Phoebe lost her support and staggered.

The man clenched his fists, turning his back to her.

-You, you are not Thor’s daughter. You have no powers, nor will you have eternal life, do you know why?

With every word he spoke, he grew more and more enraged.

The little girl watched in horror and fascination at the green energy that was being released from his fists.

She had seen a lot of powers and magic, but she was taken aback. Shedidn’t expect it, from someone dressed like a loser.

The other had slowly turned towards her.

-You are only a mere mortal because you are the daughter of a nonentity and a useless human.

From that light, the man materialized two daggers, making her jump, but when she realized that he was handing her one, she grabbed it, looking up again at the man.

Phoebe was speechless for a while. She had never seen anyone like him, someone who mirrored her.

She decided to believe him.

-…You are my father.

The man nodded.

-…But we don’t look alike at all!

The man raised his eyebrows and looked around.

-Uh, questionable.

He looked back at her, smiling slightly. She was a pretty little girl, beautiful like her mother, but she had all his characteristics that made her special, a real source of pride for him, narcissistic as he was. He certainly didn’t expect that she would jump in his arms, but neither would he have expected to immediately feel such affection for that nasty young girl. Maybe just because he was aware that he was her father, or maybe because he saw potential in her.

He resumed walking, followed by her.

-Yes, but Thor is still stronger.

-Ah, ah…I wouldn’t say so.

-He has the hammer and Stormbreaker and defeats everyone with it!

Loki gave her a push, making her slide to the ground.

-See? Who needs a hammer? I pushed you with my bare hands.

He waited for Phoebe to get up and they looked at each other defiantly, walking again.

-First of all it is unacceptable for you to leave the house dressed like this.

Again, the man cast some spell and placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder. When she looked at herself, her clothes had completely changed.

-Not only you have very bad taste, but you would have died of heat.

-Are you crazy?

Phoebe didn’t stop walking, but looked herself up and down. Now she wore a light, graceful, well-made shirt of brilliant emerald green. She was wearing a pair of tight black pants and a pair of combat boots.

-But like this I’m bitterly cold … um … you.

-Loki. My name is Loki.

The girl looked up at him, stepping over a log. Luckily she had a pair of boots on her feet, with her converse shoes she would have risked getting caught in some brambles.

-Loki?

She repeated to himself, looking down the path.

Suddenly she stopped, looking at him with wide eyes. She realized who he was and pointed at him, dumbfounded. So he was the dead brother that Mama and Thor never wanted to talk about. The one she’d read about in several volumes of Norse mythology and old New York Times articles.

-Loki???

This time she called him and he stopped to look at her again, waiting for her to speak again, not putting any pressure on her as she rushed over to him.

-How should I call you?

Loki shrugged, then he took off his jacket and leaving it to the girl, covering her shoulders.

-Call me whatever you prefer.

Phoebe put on the outrageously big jacket on her.

She smiled at him, giving him complete confidence.

-All right, Loki.

-Damn, didn’t Thor teach you anything at all? Nothing about magic, combat bases to protect you, nothing at all?

Loki had lit up a fire without any problem, thanks to his magic. The sun was now setting, and from dint of walking the little girl got hungry.

He had nothing to give her but a packet of candy he had in his pocket for another investigation he was carrying out with Mobius.

-No. I even asked Stephen Strange to teach me how to use magic, but he said he’s had enough of brats.

Loki nodded, but had no idea who she was talking about. They had come out of the woods, but he decided to give the young girl a break before taking her to the TVA.

Phoebe brought her hands to the fire, rubbing them together for warmth.

-I think I know why you’re always so cold…

The girl looked at him quizzically, returning her focus to her frozen hands.

-Do you know the story of the Nine Worlds?

Phoebe nodded.

-Do you know what Jotunheim is?

-More or less…

-Home of the Frost Giants, a barren and dark world, dictated by a perpetual winter.

Loki explained their origins to his daughter, while gesturing with his hands. Born on that land of ice, Loki was abandoned as a newborn, too frail and weak to have any hope of living. He was found by Odin who took him with him to Asgard.

Phoebe followed him closely, letting him tell the story without intervening. The discovery that he was adopted was still a raw nerve, he still hadn’t forgiven Odin for lying to him. The king of all gods had always neglected him, leaving him to his wife, Frigga, who not only gave him motherly affection but also taught him magic.

-I learned to master my powers thanks to my mother.

Phoebe had pulled her jacket over her head, almost using it as a blanket. She quietly chewed those strange blue candies. She realized that he was a stark contrast to Thor, in every sense: besides being like the Sun and the Moon in appearance, Loki looked imposing and frightening, but he was an emaciated, whiny and at times comical outcast. He was emotional, she recognized it from his gaze lost in the flames as he spoke to her. She could distinguish vividly anything he told her. He constantly danced on the thread of darkness and that of redemption. He really was a twisted individual.

Phoebe didn’t blame her mother… It was hard for her to think of him as her father, seeing him so young. At that moment he gave her more the idea of an older brother. Or a trendy uncle.

-My father, on the other hand, wanted to use me only as a tool to reconcile the kingdom of Asgardians and that of the Jotunheim.

-Rip. Sad story.

Loki looked up with annoyance at the little girl.

-what was that…?

She shrugged, not understanding where she had gone wrong.

-…What the hell does “rip, sad story” mean to you?

Phoebe found herself embarrassed.

-Language, Phoebe. Semiotics is fundamental. Never come up with Lol, Lmao, dude or any other crap or I swear I’ll cut your tongue out and make you eat it. And I am capable of it.

The girl nodded, shrugging.

-I meant I’m sorry…

Loki nodded, then looked up at the sky.

He thought of Joceline, of his Joceline… The current one, if only he had her in his hands, would have strangled her. She let his daughter leave the house disheveled, dressed like a homeless girl and let her talk like a stutterer.

Loki hadn’t made the decision to have a daughter, it had just happened to him, yet as he thought of all the things he would have done for her he couldn’t help but think: “Thor definitely did it better.”

Because as wild as she was, you could see that she was happy. The things he cared about were superficial, while Thor had been her father with all intents and purposes. He made her take her first steps, he held her bicycle seat, he braided her hair to go to school and he was the one who fell asleep in her bed after reading her fairy tales. He was in the photos of her birthday parties, he was the man that, when she grew up, little Phoebe wanted to marry.

He was a hero, Loki was not.

Phoebe’s hero was Thor, Phoebe’s lifelong love was Thor!

What did he want? To recover the admiration of a little girl who didn’t even know of his existence until an afternoon before? An existence above all questionable, given that in his reality he was dead and buried before she was born. Sitting together by that fire didn’t matter; as soon as he would have brought her and her mother back, this story will never have happened. He was jealous, his brother always got the better of him.

Phoebe, looking at him from the outside, thought he was just ruminating on his past.

She shrugged, tossing the candy wrapper into the fire.

-The past is now gone. And I think it should be left where it is.

Loki lowered his gaze to her. She looked like she was on the verge of tears, exasperated by her mother who had gotten her into all this mess.

-You are right.

Loki nodded harshly, watching the fire crackle.

What a nuisance, what a huge annoyance.

Phoebe took a deep breath, then stood up.

-Well at least this is the future.

She put the jacket back on, looking at the man who was still sitting on the ground giving him a warm smile.

-I’m pissed off as hell.

Loki chuckled and stood up.

-I’m glad I met you, but I don’t think I’ll ever speak to my mother again.

The god shrugged, looking at the darkening sky.

- It’s time to go.

Saying so, Loki started walking again, but he was stopped by the girl who grabbed his arm with both hands, pulling him back.

-No, wait, I still want to be with you!

Loki gently took her hands, making them let go.

-It is my job to bring you and your mother home, to your reality.

Phoebe put her hands on her chest and then pointed to the ground.

-But now this is my reality. Please Loki, I want to talk to you again, I want to know everything I don’t know.

Loki shook his head bitterly.

-You can’t miss what you never had, Phoebe.

-You are wrong!

The girl raised her voice so much that the man in front of her barely flinched.

-You know it too, don’t you, that what you just said is just nonsense?

-Phoebe, listen to me.

Loki dropped to one knee, taking the girl by the shoulders again.

-I have nothing to do with your life. I’m not your family, and I’m not the man you will always rely on. I’m not even the same man who gave you life, Phoebe, I’m the he from another universe, a Loki foolishly infatuated with your mother and that will abandon her. He will abandon her only to find her and marry her never to lose her again, but who then inevitably lost her. You have to go home, you have to go back to arguing with your mother, calling Thor dad and living your life.

Phoebe’s lips trembled, a couple of tears ran down her cheeks.

- But that’s not fair…

She protested in a faint voice, choked with tears.

-No, it’s not, nothing is right, the world, the universe will work against you, but you will carry on, Phoebe. You will carry on even without me, because you lack of nothing. You have everything with you.

Phoebe let out a sob, covering her face with both hands. Who knows how bad he must have felt at that moment. Phoebe was torn for him, and she didn’t want to be without him anymore.

Disappointed, angry, still shaken by that adventure, the little girl freed herself from Loki’s grip, going back to crying in front of the fire.

Loki looked at the ground, keeping his hands tightly in his pockets, still having the feeling of that child in his hands.

He searched for the words, looking around and taking a breath before approaching her again. He waited for her tears to subside, almost asking her permission to wipe away the tears that had become trapped between her eyelashes.

-Your mother is incapable of speaking to other people’s hearts. She wanted to protect you from a pain too great even for her to handle, just that. No one, not even the most evil in the world would like to see their children in tears.

-But then why did you bring me here? What did it cost her to tell me the truth from the beginning. And Thor? Thor made fun of me.

-No, Thor would never have done that, Thor really considers you his daughter.

Under that night sky, in that gloomy silence, Phoebe kept crying.

-I don’t want to go back.

She sniffled.

- I wish you were there too.

Loki shook his head again.

-I can’t, I’ve already created a time variant once and I’ve been pardoned. At the second they’ll kill me here too. Definitely.

From the back pocket of his pants, he took some kind of gameboy. Pressing a few keys, he opened a portal in front of them, like a door. On the other side, Joceline could see them and got up from her chair.

-Phoebe!

*

TVA

-Phoebe! Thank goodness you're fine!

After crossing that gap, the little girl found herself in her mother's arms who kissed her head and forehead.

She had heard a thousand stories: once papa had a brother, but he was terrible; that brother must never be mentioned, or papa will weep; you got your dark hair from your mother and your light eyes from your father.

Loki was bad.

We mustn't talk about him.

He shouldn't be named.

Her mother had made her believe she hated that entity, and now she felt hated herself.

Phoebe pulled away from her mother, looking at her sternly.

There was no need for explanations, it was clear that her daughter had discovered the truth.

-I am sorry…

Joceline mumbled her apologies, placing both hands over her mouth.

-You are right to be angry with me.

She became aware that Phoebe was holding a dagger and gripping it firmly.

In anger, she did nothing but cry, she didn't say a word as her mother kept calling her, but without approaching her.

Loki knew what the little girl was thinking: it was better if I had never been born.

In order not to hurt those around her, that little girl would have stabbed herself.

She had a pain all enveloping herself.

Thor, at least Thor could have talked to her, why had they been carrying on this charade for so long? He felt disappointed, and marveled at his brother's ignorance.

Leaning close to her, Loki took her dagger, making it disappear as he had made it appear.

Instead of a weapon, she now held Loki's hand in hers.

He left his timepad in her hands, stepping back a couple of steps.

-You choose, Phoebe. Choose whether to go back to your old life or if you prefer to embark on a new one.

Phoebe looked at him in disbelief, exchanging gazes between him and her mother.

-Loki, are you crazy!? These were not the agreements!

Joceline began to punch him in the chest until he stopped her.

Phoebe was still there watching them arguing and closed her eyes, studying the gimmick a bit and clearing a path of her own.

-Just move between the apocalypses, they won’t find you there.

Loki warned her.

With a smile on her lips, Phoebe disappeared through the gap, leaving her mother shocked and grieving.

-You let her go…

Loki nodded, then called the guards and Mobius, leaving the room.

The verdict had been concluded: Joceline was eliminated with her daughter’s name choked down her throat.

Loki walked down the corridor and down the stairs, then going into the office lobby.

In the waiting room, a rather gloomy girl with short hair and military clothes sat watching the TVA commercial for the hundredth time on the small television in front of her.

She kept her legs crossed and was constantly swinging her foot.

Loki went to sit next to her, putting himself in the same position as her with his legs crossed and his arms folded.

-Mobius warned me you were coming.

The girl let out a smile, turning to look at the man next to her.

-Hi Dad.

Loki let out a smile, letting affection overflow from his gaze.

-Hi, Phoebe.

*

A few years later

Phoebe walked through the portal with her favorite alligator in her arms, actually, AlligaLoki, as she called him.

-For fuck sake, you can't leave when you're ten and come back when you're as old as me!

Loki pounded his fists on the desk as he watched the girl rub her cheek on the alligator's scales on his back.

-I'm going to see how the Hulk beat you to the ground like a puppet. Alli-Loki is also coming with me.

-…It's the third time you go there this week.

-Yeah, and it's just Tuesday! Isn't that great?

Loki let his head fall on the desk.

-You're really too embarrassing.

-No, YOU are the embarrassing one, "qnd i'm not gonna be bullied by- UH!", but I still love you. Platonically, huh.

-Yes, yes, platonically. Make sure you don't get caught again: Mobius said he'd tie your ass to that chair over there if that happens again.

-Sounds like something you would have said.

-I may have given him some hints…

Phoebe opened the portal, already grinning with pleasure. New York in those days was magnificent.

-See you later, ugly rat!

-Jeez, a little respect every now and then!? Until…six seconds ago? You used to jump on my lap and now you call me that.

-You're right, sorry Diva of the Multiverse. Bye Byeee

As soon as big Phoebe left, little Phoebe returned, holding a frog.

-Oh my God, look how pretty she is, I found her on a way tooooooo beautiful planet.

Loki looked up at the ceiling.

-I think I'm seasick…

*

Year 2012

When Phoebe arrived in the past, she entered Stark Tower, passing the guards and slipping into the bathrooms on the ground floor. She opened a portal for AlligaLoki to go to his variant friends, then began to change.

She put on a pair of slacks, a jacket, and some smarter shoes. She arranged her black curls, reviving them with a little water and put on perfect make-up.

Well, she was identical to her mother.

She went outside, running to the elevator.

Arriving on the penultimate floor, she pretended to be out of breath, hurrying along the corridor.

-Captain Rogers.

She greeted Captain America with a typically military salute, making fun of him a bit.

She knocked on Bruce’s door and waved to him, then finding Natasha blowing her a kiss.

She came to Tony, feigning concern.

-Oh God Tony, I’m sorry, the bus was late!

-Don’t worry, Joceline, I didn’t see you locked yourself in the bathroom for twenty minutes before coming here. Look, starting today I’m entrusting you with a new assignment: you’ll just have to watch over Thor’s crazy little brother. You won’t be alone, however, and it won’t be full-time.

Joceline, or rather, Phoebe, blinked a couple of times.

-Are you sure you want to leave this task to me?

Well, it was time. She was fed up with making calculations for experiments and physics stuff, she didn’t understand anything of it.

Tony nodded, motioning her out.

-They will take you directly to the place.

Phoebe thanked him and left, breathing a sigh of relief.

It had been all too easy to replace her mother for the internship and pretend to be her, she was afraid of being discovered at any moment.

She followed the two agents along the dark corridor, arriving in front of a hyper-armored room.

They opened the door, and she was able to enter.

It was a rather dark place, only in that cell there was some light.

The one who was a prisoner was strolling placidly back and forth.

Phoebe’s eyes widened as she stood in front of the door which was closed behind her.

-Ansee how he growls…

She babbled to herself, walking towards him.

She looked up, but he turned his back directly to her.

-HI! I’m your new guard. Please do your meany stuff when I’m not around, I’m in enough trouble already.

The other walked with his hands behind his back and looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

She followed him with her eyes.

-Don’t you get seasick walking back and forth?

Phoebe sat down on the floor.

The image she had of Loki in her mind was completely different from the one she had in front of him.

She had butterflies in her stomach.

-My name is Joceline, but I’m sure you don’t care.

From that moment, Phoebe never stopped posing as her mother.

[mtnkat3]

2.43pm

Grinning..

Yeah when I got into the shower earlier I started thinking about this post. But I have been going none stop since! I've put ~50 miles just for bloodwork & lunch. 🙄🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I started singing the air force song.. flying high into the sun... & then giggling. As I used to know all of them, ranks for all, & a lot of ribbons too. Only can remember green E right now. Sigh. But I realized how much a nerd I am!

One of the new regional eatery places that's opened up is in the main flight path for a municipal airport so while everybody else there is oblivious.. I'm staring at jets all the way down to single prop Cessna's coming in! Close enough watching them deploying landing gear! I love it! Course it also reminds me of C.A.P. & then high school. Sigh. Memories.. & goals!

And then remembered while at the pizzeria today. [Half the bread, 4 fries & all the meat! Good kat!😁]

that as much as I detest the mark of the beast the cgm is to me.. when I'm asked about it I stop whatever I'm doing & talk to the person. People wanna know, they're scared & if I can help with my own experiences belay their fears then I will.

It's very simple, 1 poke, 10 days of wear, & 288 tests [every 5 minutes] in 24hrs vs the 4 test strips insurance allows with regular meter usage. It gives the wearer more knowledge & control over their eating habits.

Heck, it's showing me just how much stress affects blood sugar! When I saw endo after my sunburn/poisoning in August, they could see my shoulders, arms & toe. They reminded me of this. Stress effects ABSOLUTELY freaking everything! Blood sugar, pressure, heart rate, breathing, etc. Like D'oh t! I knew, I grew up around people that lost vision, toes, even life. Because remember.. too much sugar in the blood stream. Heck, it's affect is on psoriasis too! And since mine is mainly on my face, neck, & ears I see the evidence in the mirror & can't do a dang thing about it but to watch my food & stress. And yes, not eating also causes blood sugar to rise. The body thinks it's in starvation mode & that's where gut eright comes in. Until that has gotten as far ad the body is ok with then goes to other areas. Me, its trunk. A bit of cellulite arms & legs. But I have the "fat that kills."

Why do I talk about all this stuff?

So anyone that has questions or needs to know these things doesn't feel alone.

It sucks to have the alphabet soup.. pcos, ibs, complex headaches, dm2, cdk, psoriasis... "hyperactive immune system" allergies thru the roof!, asthma induced by allergies & more but. These are my trials.

And I bow to God's Wisdom & Grace.

He alone can Guide me to His healing. & Miracles!

And I can overcome all the mirade issues I have. It takes hard work, dedication & discipline.

I realized last night that I got depressed & lazy because of my circumstances.

Let's just say.. that put my hackles up. And really f*ckin pissed off Tijgeress. At me! I don't like that. At all. This is a huge part of my daily struggle, to fight what I am around.

To be the woman that I am. The one that doesn't go out without brushing hair, teeth, washing face, at least sponges bath, & putting on "public clothes" & showing that I care about myself.

I have gotten to the point that I rarely wear makeup though. It bothers my skin. And I even tried Its cosmetics 'Bye Bye' moisturizer! It felt heavy to me. People gonna just see my rosy complexion & lip balm. Unless I feel fancy like..🎶 grinning. Right now though.. Levi's & tees.

Long haired country girl with a lead foot. Shoulda seen me driving though! Windows down, radio jacked up, hair flying everywhere & flying the currents.. grin. That's me.

I am me.

I'm a nice woman to everybody I encounter. And I had to tell myself when I saw what looked like a traffic accident & grass fire while driving 80mph in a clump of cars that I saw the drivers, & they were mobile. And that emergency personnel had been called. But I feel like shit. I should've turned to get there & helped. Sigh.

Yes. That's me too.

Did I ever say I'm not complex?🤨🤔🤓🙄🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Anyways.. that's been my day.

I know most think I'm crazy, treating this like my diary. But I'm not. Well no more than the next empathetic, infj, overthinking, marshmallow hearted woman! Lmao! Yeah.. ok. I'm unique! 😁

Anyways! I do this so wherever & whomever the heck my soul's mates are.. he knows what's happening in my life! Well I mean I think knows more than these writings.. that's my gut, intuition & soul's feelings anyways. So I write to my loves & I write to help others. Otherwise... crickets. There are days when I talk to my cat & have to clear my throat because I haven't spoken in so long! Lol!

Now that the chauffeuring is done.. back to work! I gots plenty of both daily chores & tasks to my goals to get done!

Discipline & sacrifice t. Not to mention life goals. And making God happy to have Created me! And that He will Bless my life by the work I do in His Name!

If that won't move my butt to swishin nothing could! Grinning.

Yes. I'm in a good mood today!

I was able to take a hot shower & not trip!😎 I feel better about myself for every righteous thing I accomplish!

Motivation.

Yes, as I look out at my huge pine & other trees, seeing the sunlight, listening.. I feel better. I much rather go out into the forest & not hear people but be rejuvenated by nature!

Yes. I love planes & flying too!

Yep. Right now.. put me in as hot tub to soak my bones then stand in the cold air & watch the goose pimples! I think that would energize my butt! Lmao!

Ok. Deep breath. Gotta get back to it.

Wherever & whomever the heck You are!

I freakin love & adore you!

And I miss you so badly I'm ready to scream, roar, hiss, growl, & shout down the mountains.. that I could fly my Phoenix wings to you!

So. God Knows. And I believe you do too.

I pray to get my life right so I am made aware, more than my senses.. so that I am face to face with you. Sharing breath.. heartbeats.. drowning in your eyes. You are everything to me. And I'm sick to death of being separated from you!

Daughter... patience.

Bowing my head. Yes Father.

Deep breath. Focus. Calm. Breathe. Relax. Get my butt moving. Repeat.

I will not ever give up.

I believe. In God. In Love. In us.

I work as I move my butt & await.. God. & you.

~True love never dies & true love always waits.~

Your faithful complex warrior queen daughter.

~Tijgeress kat Phoenix. 🌺

👩🤓⚓🙏🙇‍♀️💡☔🌂🔗⛓🧰⚙⚒🛠⚔⚖🗽🦅🥧🍁🧣🥾🍎🥤🍋🥮🍯🍼☕🍫🍑🍒 🐯🐾🐐🦉🐢🐛🦋🌱🌺🌹🌻🌷🌳🧶🧵 ⌚⚡🌠🗝🔱⚜💝🐻🦌🧩♠️♾🎯🧭🕯🎶💋

Fr.10.21.2022 4.01pm est.

Yeah.. "love is in the air", usaf anthem, No Body by Blake Shelton.. bunches of goodies today! Makes for happy kat! 😎🥰😁🎶

[apockalypsisblog]

Hi, I am the anon from earlier...thanks for the thoughtful response. I'm afraid I'm desperate to say more about this, I've been bottling it up for weeks. So I hope you'll forgive me, but you've given me so much food for thought...

"it's painful that we now share this collective experience because i felt this, too. i went to sleep every night absolutely certain i would wake up to the worst of news."

I think many of us were afraid that Suga's life would be at risk if the pressure escalated, but few of us wanted to come out and say it. Either because we didn't want to get branded as dramatic or because just *thinking* something so awful felt like a self-fulfilling prophecy. That second apology letter was extremely upsetting. I realize that the weight of words can change in translation, and that there are also cultural differences in expression, but to me, that letter was itself like an act of self-harm. If I ever saw a friend or family member write things like that about themselves, I'd be on the way to their house before I finished reading. Even if he wrote that letter as some kind of lawyer-recommended proof of remorse, saying things like that about yourself has got to have *some* negative psychological impact. Wealth and fame are wonderful balms, but they don't fully insulate anyone from real pain. The scoffing I saw that he'd be "just fine" because he's rich was just trite and cruel.

"i do, in my heart of hearts, believe that this has been a serious attempt on his life. not because of anything he's done, maybe not even because he's part of bts, but because the journos saw the level of response to the news and wanted more. more spectacle, more outrage, more views and money. at any and all cost."

I think they were all shockingly careless with his life. They plowed ahead with unverified reports that were presented as facts. They deliberately fictionalized and sensationalized the very mundane details of what really happened that night. They choked the internet and airwaves with nonstop character assassination and punditry about how severe his punishment should be. And I'm talking about the professional press here. I'm not even getting into the rubbish that was coming from social media randos or the protest-truck and funeral-wreath brigade. They were all careless with his life, a mere eight months after everyone saw, in Lee Sun-Kyun, what happens when people get that gleefully reckless with someone who's in the public eye.

"though part of me wishes i never got to see that cctv (the real one), because that in itself is quite an embarrassing, humiliating moment, i'm glad it exists. can you imagine if it didn't?"

Oh, without that footage, they'd have had him roaring around Seoul on a Harley, flattening ajummas in crosswalks. (Also, I hate to admit this but I thought there was something kind of...cute about the footage. I mean...that scooter? Where I live, 85-year-old grannies ride around on those things! They have little horns that go beep-beep! And he was going *so slow* and had *such* a silly pratfall...sigh. It's just *too much.*)

"there's theories floating around about whether there's someone behind this smear campaign"

You know, when the Hybe/Ador news broke this past Tuesday (the very day after the police announced they'd concluded Suga's investigation), I briefly wondered if all of this had been some kind of corporate sabotage that Suga just got dragged into. Like...why *were* three cops right outside his building? Did someone know he'd been drinking in his studio and tip them off to be out there waiting for him? But that feels a little far-fetched and I'm out of my depth when it comes to business skullduggery.

One thing I do suspect, however, is that someone in a position of authority finally shut this shit down. I think there may have been plans to have Suga come in for more questioning and to keep dragging out the drama. The press was already ominously calling the 8/23 interview the "first" one, implying there would be others.

But over the weekend, the story (not of what Suga did but of what was being done *to* him) started getting attention. There was that big article in Paris Match. You had musicians, actors, and writers in Korea and abroad posting messages of support for him. Army in Brazil lit up a whole stadium in purple. Latin American Army were paying for banners and trucks in Seoul...it was getting pretty hot, and it was making the police, press, and South Korea by extension, look pretty bad. I think a lot of influential people in SK care very much about their country's image and they do *not* like being embarrassed in front of the world (just think about that Boy Scouts debacle last summer). This was becoming another international embarrassment and I think someone told the police to wrap it up. By Monday afternoon, they'd announced the investigation was concluded. There'd be no further questioning, and oh by the way, his "vehicle" didn't need a license plate or registration because it was just a little bitty granny scooter (my term, not theirs). It still took the police four days to send the matter to the prosecutor's office, but that might be standard bureaucracy. I am hoping that Suga will just be fined again and will not have to make an appearance in court or at the prosecutor's office. And then the press can fuck right the fuck off. Once the case is closed, what'll be left to write about? I see some of the English-language sites trying to keep this on their front page, but they're grasping at straws at this point. Oh yeah, Samsung's gonna drop him as ambassador? Bullshit. Even yesterday's news that the case had been officially forwarded to the prosecutor's office merited just one dry little story.

But to the point you made in your recap of the case...the damage to Suga has been done. Not just to his reputation (with *some* people, anyway), but, I'm sure, to his well-being. How could something like this not fuck you up? And he's still got nearly a year of normie life to get through. He can't use his wealth to skip out of Seoul and retreat somewhere. He has to get up five days a week and go to work 9-6, just like millions of us do...but *we* haven't been defamed as our country's Public Enemy No. 1 for the last month. And because he's in the service, and this is still an open case, he can't speak up for himself either. It's a horrible situation all around.

I return your wish for strength to you, all fans everywhere, and especially our dear Suga, our Yoongi. I hope he is taking care of himself, I hope people who are close to him are taking care of him too, and I hope we at least get one earth-shattering epic of a diss track out of this. Thanks so much for listening!

hi anon, welcome back. like i said, feel free to reach out whenever. community is very important especially in times like these. this whole experience felt very alienating to me, so i'm happy to to talk.

"I think many of us were afraid that Suga's life would be at risk if the pressure escalated, but few of us wanted to come out and say it."

i am unfortunately in a position where i went through such a situation before. it was much different (no scandal, no media frenzy, just life long mental health issues that, in the end... well), but the result could have very well been the same. i kept thinking back to how i felt when it happened, and all the grief i went through, and kept imagining doing it all over again. i kept thinking what i would do if yoongi walking through that door at his last show with the "future's gonna be ok" motto on the screen above him was the last thing i'd ever see him do. i was terrified.

and you can't explain that to no one. people don't get it. at best they brush it off, or they just laugh at you for being parasocial. which is fair, and i'm probably more aware of it then people who make fun of it because i'm the one losing sleep over it. but i'm not gonna apologize for feeling empathy for people, either.

when yoongi posted that second apology, the notification scared me half to death. i think both the photo line and the letter were a tipping point for a lot of people. i noticed many people who weren't keeping up with the situation and only then realized that, hey, something bigger is going on here.

i didn't want to speculate in the original post much, because i wanted to keep it factual. so i didn't talk about the possible bad faith players in the hate campaign, or about yoongi's mental state. i do agree with you, this kind of thing is likely to leave a mark. i don't know what kind of yoongi we're going to get back in 2025, but i'll cheer extra loud for him. i just hope he has the support he needs now, both professional and from the company, and from his friends and family. it's extremely upsetting that he's been so vocal about struggling with his mental health, and that he's been doing so much better in the past few years, only for this to happen.

"Also, I hate to admit this but I thought there was something kind of…cute about the footage."

i understand where you're coming from, but i'm gonna be brutally honest here... i think these e-scooters are vehicles for massive douchebags. when the news first broke out, i read it when i woke up and then went about my day and just kept thinking, wow. a kickboard? that's so fucking lame. i have to watch one of the d-day shows when i get home to remember how cool this guy is. (i didn't get a chance to do that, because the second notif from big hit came out and i realized the whole situation went down the shitter.)

"I briefly wondered if all of this had been some kind of corporate sabotage that Suga just got dragged into. Like…why were three cops right outside his building?"

there were cops outside his building because he lives in an extremely affluent neighborhood in a complex many other celebrities or rich and powerful people live in (including the korean president, allegedly?). of course there's going to be cops. it's because of this that i'm absolutely certain he had no idea he was doing something he shouldn't be.

but you can't bust him for drunk driving a scooter if he didn't make the decision to drink and drive in the first place. that part of this whole issue is on him. i just think it's more likely that min heejin's shaman actually cursed him than that someone tailed him and framed him.

as for the rest, i'm going to say one thing. i find the timing of hybe's dismissal of mhj quite sus. supposedly they cancelled her shareholder contract/agreement last month (in july) and filed a case with the court to decide the validity of the cancellation... and then decided not to wait for the court's ruling and just dismissed her?

and now, even her alleged "pet journalist" is changing his tune in bts' favor. quite fascinating, i would say.

idk idk. one of my theories is that they just took advantage of the situation and the media being distracted and got rid of her. but who knows what's happening behind the closed doors.

i don't know how the police fits into it and i don't really want to speculate on that. i think it's more likely that they realized they really have nothing else on him besides the original charges and decided to cut their losses. the fact that they checked if his damn kickboard needs a license plate and insurance probably wasn't to make his original case lighter, it was another, different charge they tried to add on top. everything else is just bureaucracy, that's why everything took so long.

"Once the case is closed, what'll be left to write about?"

that largely depends on how to case wraps up. yes, rationally there shouldn't be any extra hard punishment, but nothing about this situation has been rational. so i'm waiting. if, for example, his BAC turns out to be high, i expect more vitriol to be flung his way.

"He can't use his wealth to skip out of Seoul and retreat somewhere. He has to get up five days a week and go to work 9-6, just like millions of us do…but we haven't been defamed as our country's Public Enemy No. 1 for the last month."

because money doesn't automatically equal power. we've seen it this whole time. when the situation first blew up, my friend told me, oh hybe's going to pay off so many people. and clearly they either haven't or it haven't worked, cause their artist got dragged through mud for weeks. brutally.

one of the most mind-boggling, upsetting things for me is how yoongi predicted all of it. in haegeum, in polar night, in snooze. even amygdala. truly some pisces shit.

guess we'll never know what really happened in the past month, if there's deeper corruption, or if hybe used him as a distraction to pretend they don't have the kind of sway for media play people constantly accuse them of... and maybe that's for the best.

i don't have a lot of hopes that we'll get a disstrack out of it. if he can find inspiration in this situation, then that's good, but i think we won't hear about it for a good long while. but what do i know. i've been wrong about these predictions before.

i just want the situation to calm down and for yoongi to get the opportunity to finish his service in peace and lick his wounds in private.

and lastly... the whole lee sunkyun situation upsets me to no end. not just because it's so recent and it's a life needlessly lost, but because he shouldn't be remembered just for his death. that's heartbreaking and unfair. he was an accomplished actor and he deserves more than to be a pawn in a war between armys and the korean media.

i've seen his photo line pictures shared so many times on social media by the same people preaching not to share yoongi's. so here's a picture of him with his fellow cast and crew members at the oscars in a moment of triumph.

thank you anon for humoring me! come chat again anytime!

[kyemeruthie]

Cheers to 33

Eventful start of the year, so far. Birthday month is about to end. This month should generally be a happy one, laidback and chill. Much like the other years, I would have been able to travel this month or spent quality time with favorite people.

This is probably one of those memorable ones, where you knew your heart was beating so fast, you are close to hyperventilating. College debate days. Except this time, you are arguing with yourself. 

Ah, but God has something to say. A lesson to teach, perhaps. The start of the year has been rough.

I felt like that call was an eviction notice and we had to scramble for a place to live before we can finally have our own. Compelled to decide on the spot for a condo buy even if I was trying to set sights for an actual house. I'm still not sure about this, but I am sure God will deliver.

Classes were mid and largely because I was just trying to get by. Office work also turned out to be quite toxic. I mean every year there's major drama, not sure why or how this ends up. One major culprit would be unresolved chismis. Dunno. It adds, worsens the burnout. Alongside the myriad life choices you had to make every now and then. There's just too much you can take on your plate.

I also felt like the resignation of a close colleague took a toll on me. Largely because they were an asset but also because our discussion would have been confrontational, pushing them to resign. It could also be a culmination of all the stress that beset the work we do.

March could have been a breather but it wasn't much. Had to deal with grades and piled up work. The project with Aus is not making any clear progress in my perspective, I feel like I'm leaving it behind.

And then there are matters of the heart. A lot happened, words said and exchanged. Feelings spilled, gathered, only awash with emotions right after. I’m not sure how to explain exactly what unfolded. What’s clear was the need to be resolute with the principles you believe in. And then you also consider how this may hurt other people you genuinely like, in the process. It was bittersweet. On your birthday, you may likely lose a friend, like a blunt knife suddenly pulled from you. There is numbness, that phantom feeling of pain for what has been lost and may be difficult to recover.

I'd be catholic about it, carrying that cross as a burden for a significant amount of time. Walls were broken down and it really is good to be appreciated, admired. The internal conflict would probably be on my end, feeling some guilt over enjoying the attention but also hurting someone in the process. Pareto efficiency at play, my dear students. Hay.

Next month, the application results (at least for the interview) would be released. I pray hard to be given the opportunity to be interviewed for that PhD position in Berlin. Wanted this so bad. The wait adds to the anxiousness, alongside all the other things that were left unresolved or fully given some closure. Even the applications for research conferences would be released next month.

On days like this, we follow Mikey’s mantra for Carm, “let it rip. Let go, move forward in full force, understanding that your momentum will get you through no matter how hard and hurtful it can become. The destination is not the ultimate goal, the journey is. And so, we let it rip.

The advice: to let those walls finally crumble, to wait and pray still, harder. In the face of vulnerability, you find that people are ready to listen and accept you, only if you’d also allow them. I may or may not lose a friend, still not sure where this would lead. So, we enjoy the days because you are once again reminded to live fully and take every opportunity to laugh about the most mundane things, it may not happen again.

Let it rip and choose to go with the flow. Too much to wait for and all we can do is pray. All I need to do is pray. You need some balm for all the lashes endured, some assurance for the hurt you've incurred, that soul-seeping peace that everything is going to be alright. Soon, later, no clear time really. But that time will come. Until then we continue to wait faithfully.

Here goes to nothing or many more. Cheers to a new year, self.