#so every time she's a little cringe I end up feeling like it's my fault and I'm gonna be punished for it and I don't know how to deal with

[brown-little-robin]

I think I'm in the "conscious incompetence" stage of being a social animal in the real world and it sucks so majorly. bro what do you do after you realize you're bad at socializing and then in-person interaction gets harder because you know you're failing at it now.

[goldenempyrean]

for your drabbles request, i was thinking something like this:

W: “Do you not see how pale you are right now?”     

R: “Can you just shut up for a second?”

W: "You can’t drive home in your condition.”  

with sick!reader and caretaker!wanda, kinda angsty but with a happy ending if possible :)

Second Opinion

〚 Notes - Just a drabble....whole story? Potato potatah? Wanda's a major bitch at the start of this but we'll look over it because she redeems herself <3 Sorry this took a while, I got sent home from work sick so finally had the time to finish this :,) 〛

〚 Pairing - Wanda Maximoff x Reader 〛

〚 Summary - Your camping trip doesn't go to plan. Wanda isn't exactly helping you feel better. 〛

〚 Wordcount - 1530 〛

〘 Check Out My Masterlist! 〙

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“I knew you didn’t check the weather.” Wanda grumbled from the under the small shelter you’d both huddled beneath, shaking out her soaked hair and scrunching up her damp curls before shooting you an annoyed look. 

“I didnt realise it was going to rain!” You threw your hands up defensively, the action had sent the water droplets on your arms splashing in every direction, “I’m just as soaked as you are! How was I meant to know the tent wasn’t waterproof?” 

The pair of you loved to camp, it was always fun to get out into nature, switch off your electronics and unwind. It was something you did every year. Unfortunately you’d forgotten to check the weather before rushing off for a weekend away. It had rained heavily throughout the night and much to Wanda’s horror, had made the tragic discovery that the tent you’d been sleeping in was definitely not waterproof. 

You’d both woken up to find yourselves soaked to the bone,  laying in freezing cold water… Not the greatest way to wake up. 

Wanda sighed, rubbing her arms for warmth. "Well, what do we do now? We can't stay here in this soggy mess." 

“We can pack up everything into the boot, there should be a tarp in there so it wont ruin the interior. Then I guess we just head home?”  You sniffled, as a chill rolled up your arms. 

Wanda grumbled as she helped gather up the soggy camping gear, shooting you occasional glares that seemed to say, "This is all your fault." Meanwhile, you couldn't shake off the chill that had settled deep into your bones. The feeling of your damp clothes sticking to you only added to your discomfort. 

But as you packed up, Wanda's annoyance seemed to intensify with every wet item she handled. "I can't believe this," She muttered, shaking out a drenched sleeping bag. "We should have checked the weather. This is just typical of you! You’re so unprepared!” 

You tried to muster a defense, but your voice came out weak and raspy. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't mean for this to happen." You cringed a little at the sound of your voice. You’d had a cold for the past week however you’d started feeling better for the last few days but you’d supposed that waking up shivering and soaked would make anyone feel ill again. 

As Wanda continued to grumble, you couldn't help but sneeze, the action sent had you stumbling forward a little and you really hadn’t been able to cover your mouth in time… 

"Ugh, seriously?" she snapped, wiping at her dampened clothes with annoyance. "First, the weather, and now you're sneezing on me? Could this day get any worse?" 

You winced, feeling guilty for both the sneeze and the situation as a whole. "I-I'm sorry," you stammered, reaching for a tissue to cover your mouth. "It's this stupid cold. I can't help it." 

Wanda rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed.  

“Go wait in the car,” She gave you a stern look, the kind she had when she wouldn’t take no for an answer and pointed to the vehicle. “You better take those soaked clothes off as well, I need you getting pneumonia.” 

You sniffled, not bothering to argue any longer. The corners of your temples had started to ache and you couldn’t deal with her attitude. 

“Fine!” You climbed into the driver’s side and closed the door with a slam. 

As Wanda continued packing up the camping gear, her frustration seemed to grow with each soggy item she handled. She muttered under her breath, shooting occasional glances towards the car where you were waiting. 

“Are you even able to drive safely?” Wanda mumbled under her breath as she clambered into the passenger seat only ten minutes later. You sent her an unimpressed glare. “I’m being serious, I mean do you not see how pale you are right now? What if you fall asleep while driving?” 

"Can you just shut up for a second?" You snapped back, feeling the throbbing ache in your temples intensify with each passing moment. You weren’t in the mood to argue from the second she’d gotten in the car. 

Wanda sighed heavily, her frustration mixing with genuine worry. "You can't drive home in your condition." 

You leaned back in the seat, the cold seeping into your bones and sapping what little energy you had left. "I'll manage," you muttered stubbornly, though the idea of driving in your current state filled you with dread. 

Her eyes narrowed, a distinct crease forming in her brow, “No you won’t manage! Just let me drive, Y/N, for gods sake!” 

You knew she was right; driving in your current state was a recipe for disaster. Reluctantly, you handed over the keys, feeling defeated and utterly drained. 

Wanda wasted no time taking charge, starting the car and adjusting the mirrors before pulling out of the campsite. You slumped in the passenger seat, feeling the chill of your soaked clothes seep deeper into your bones. Every bump in the road sent a jolt of pain through your head, and you squeezed your eyes shut, hoping to ease the throbbing. 

You sniffled, trying to stifle the tickle in your nose, but it persisted, building with each passing moment until you couldn't help but let out a series of harsh, miserable sneezes. 

Wanda glanced over at you, her annoyance fading into concern as she saw the way you huddled in on yourself. "You okay?" she asked, her voice a little softer now. 

You mustered a weak nod, but the look on your face betrayed the truth. Your cheeks flushed with fever, and your skin felt clammy to the touch. It was clear you were far from okay. 

“Don’t lie to me.” She mumbled, her hand coming to rest on your forehead, “You’ve got a fever again.” She sighed, her hand coming down for cup your cheek for a moment, and you found yourself sinking into her touch, craving the comfort it brought. 

You still were reluctant to fully give in, “I’m fine Wands. Just leave it… please?” You added, expecting her to argue back but she just looked at you with sympathy instead and murmured under her breath.

"I think you need a second opinion on that."

As the car hummed along the roads, the combination of exhaustion and illness weighed heavily on you. Despite your best efforts to stay awake and alert, the steady rhythm of the car and the warmth from the heater lulled you into a drowsy haze. 

Your eyelids grew heavy, and before you knew it, you had succumbed to the pull of sleep. Your head lolled to the side, resting against the window as raspy breaths and intermittent coughs escaped your lips. Wanda glanced over at you, her expression softening at the sight of you. 

The guilt weighed heavily on her as she watched you sleep, your face flushed with fever, your body shivering involuntarily despite the warmth of the car. She pulled the car over to quickly reach into the back, pulling up the blanket you usually kept in the backseats before gently laying it over you, tucking it in at the sides. Wanda sighed in remorse, she couldn't shake the feeling that she had been too harsh on you earlier.  

She replayed the events of the morning in her mind, feeling a pang of regret with each memory. Maybe she should have been more understanding, more patient. She hadn’t slept well and was overtired and she had taken it out on you. After all, you didn't intentionally get sick or forget to check the weather. It was just an unfortunate series of events.  

Eventually, the familiar sight of your home came into view, and Wanda felt a sense of relief wash over her. She carefully parked the car and turned off the engine, reaching over to gently shake your shoulder. 

"Hey, we're home," she murmured softly, her voice laced with concern. "Let's get you inside and warmed up." 

With Wanda's help, you groggily stumbled out of the car and into the warmth of your home. She guided you to the couch, before hurrying off to your bedroom, quickly returning with a thick hoodie for you to wear and you could hear the distance hum of running water. 

"I'm sorry for snapping earlier," Wanda murmured, her voice filled with sincerity. "I shouldn't have been so harsh on you. I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. I was way out of line.” 

“I’ve started a bath for you if you want it?” 

Wanda's apology hangs in the air, melting away any lingering tension. With a soft smile, you reach out and grasp her hand’ “Thank you, baby," you replied, your voice still hoarse. "I appreciate it. And a bath sounds wonderful after all this.” You paused, watching as she fidgeted with her fingers - clearly still feeling guilty. 

“Do you want to join me? You got soaked too y’know.” 

She blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting that response. She hesitated for a moment before nodding, “If you’ll have me?” Her eyes softened as she nodded, her lips curling into a relieved smile. 

"I'd love to." 

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[eliza-and-her-monsters]

the tortured poets department

Info Post

Moodboards

Part I

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Contains/TW: depictions of autism ‘meltdowns’/panic and overstimulation, slight depictions of asthma. PSA i’m portraying amelia’s autism in similar ways to how mine works and what it does to me so if yours works differently that’s okay! ASD affects us all who have it in different ways 🖤

A/N: i will admit i struggled a bit with this one so it might not be as great. i hope you enjoy it regardless though :,) ALSO to those of you who loved Jinx and Millie’s friendship you’ll probably like this one! 🖤 (also another psa last chapter of 2024 🤭)

WC: 4.6k

Part IV

The Bolter

It felt like every inch of me was shaking as I speed-walked down the hallway towards the locker room. My arms tightly wound around myself as Vi’s words echoed in my head like an angry mantra. No, no no no… you will not victimize yourself right now. Take care of Ellie. For once just take care of someone else. It wasn’t to say I hadn’t been yelled at before, countless times I found myself on the receiving end of my parents frustrated anger or my tutors’ impatience. Even Caitlyn and I had for sure gotten into a few screaming matches before. But for some reason hearing it from Vi’s voice hurt more than anyone else’s.

I roughly wiped at my eyes before I could push my way into the locker room, momentarily forgetting about the contacts that had been shoved into them which caused me to grimace at the feeling of them shifting. I tried to blink away the blurriness as I stepped into the room. Ellie stood over the sink, already shrugged off all of her gear now clad in a simple black tank top as she carefully dabbed at the splotch underneath her eye with a wet cloth. “Ellie? A-Are you okay? How’s your head?” I questioned as I cautiously crept into the empty locker room.

“Haven’t had any complaints yet.” She joked with a shrug causing my expression to fade into a little scowl. “Relax, I’m fine. My ego’s more bruised than anything, I think.” She sighed as she whirled around to face me, cautiously pulling the cloth away from the glowing ice burn along her cheekbone.

“It’s gonna leave a sick scar, you should say ‘you should see the other guy.’” I teased, gently pressing on her shoulder to get her to sit down until she hoisted herself up on the sink.

Her lips upturned in a slight smile as she let out a little chuckle. “Except I’m pretty sure she looks a whole lot better than me.”

“Not whenever she made an ass of herself.” I spoke, eyebrows drawing together in a look of concentration as I stole the warm cloth from her hands to press to her cheekbone instead. Ellie hissed a bit in pain, curling her hands around the counter of the sink with a shuddering breath.

“Fuck, all this time out of service and it’s made my pain tolerance eat shit.” She remarked with a small cringe screwed on her face before it softened. “A-Are you okay? After what she called you? I-I don’t even know why she did it- that was so disgusting-“

“Els, I’m okay.” I confirmed, softly stroking her shoulder with my free hand. “I’ve been called worse.”

“You shouldn’t have been.” She spoke with a shake of her head, slowly and carefully the weight against my hand increasing as she leaned into my touch. “I’m sorry I- I should’ve known she was going to be an ass today after yesterday and I-I should’ve kept you from it I-”

“Ellie…” I frowned, my facial expression shifting into one that was slightly more stern as I took my other hand to hold the other side of her face with. Her green eyes were glassy, as if she was holding back an absolute avalanche of tears. So much more innocent than she would ever let herself show… except for maybe to me. “You’ve gotta stop blaming yourself for things that aren’t your fault.”

She let her eyes shift, a subtle understanding between the two of us as she peered downwards. “It’s not as if she doesn’t have a right to be angry. Her- Her dad- He was a civilian doctor on base with us.“ Her throat bobbed as she tried to recount the tale with as much strength as she could. “Some of the guys that were stationed with me were… these disgusting pigs that thought because they were in the army they had some sort of authority over civilians though and took to harassing the shit out of him basically until they were forced to move. I don’t know why she blames me… maybe I guess because I’m the only one left she can blame. Or just an easy target.” She ran a slightly shaking hand through her hair. “I’ve tried to be friends with her so many times but she just isn’t having any of it and takes so much of her anger out on me I-I don’t know what to do.”

I didn’t know what else to say, I seldom did whenever she told me some of the stories of her past. All of my own suddenly seeming to pale in comparison. She was never a fan of the narrative that it was selfish to be so depressed whenever other people ‘had it worse though. It was her who taught me that bravery came in so many different forms. Nevertheless I let my lips press to her forehead before pulling her into my arms, being propped up on the sink counter finally allowing her to snuggle her head into my shoulder as she wrapped her own arms around me.

“It’s much too difficult to not love you. I think one day she’ll see that.” I gave her another gentle squeeze, lingering there for just a second longer before I heard the swing of the door opening.

Ellie immediately slid down from the sink, moving in front of me almost protectively just before Vi stepped around the corner with that same scowl on her face, though she seemed to be trying to hide it more this time. “So, you gonna lose the eye?” She remarked with a hint of humor behind her tone as she pulled the gloves from her bruised fingers.

“Oh uhhh yeah, probably gonna have to amputate.” She teased mildly before making her way towards the lockers. “Where’s Abby?”

“Brief suspended absence… to get her shit together.” Her words seemed to hold more information than she let on. “Sevika wants you to take the rest of the day off though too since you looked pretty shaken up.”

“That’s humiliating.” Ellie huffed as she retreated back towards her locker to pull out a simple grey hoodie to pull on over her tank.

“Els, it isn’t so bad, I mean we have club rush later on today anyways, you could probably use the extra time.” I frowned once more, always trying my hardest to be positive whenever Ellie of all people couldn’t. She was always better at excelling with that kind of thing than I was.

“I guess, I just… I don’t know. How I long for ego dissolution.” She voiced with a shake of her head as she pulled a Carhartt beanie over her head. “I think I’m gonna head back to our place and hit the showers but I can meet you at club rush later on?”

“Sure, just text me.” I added just before she slung her backpack over her shoulder. Her eyes briefly glancing to mine as if she was hovering, wondering if she was safe to do our usual goodbyes. The forehead kisses and hugs, always remembering to tell each other that we loved one another. She decided against it though, just shooting me a weak smile before shuffling towards the door.

“See you, Mills.” She replied, my heart stinging in my chest as I caught my feet briefly trailing a few steps in her direction. ‘God, don’t pull away from me. Please don’t pull away from me.’

Meanwhile Vi’s presence felt like a looming ghost behind me, the burn of her eyes on my back lingering all the while. “Come here.” I heard her speak up with a clear of her throat from her spot on the bench.

My eyebrows furrowed together in frustration in response however, my arms folded across my chest as I whipped around to face her. “You know you don’t get to just tell me what to do, right? First you yell at me outside to leave you alone and now you’re actually telling me to approach you a-as if nothing happened?”

Vi started at me long and hard, eyebrows narrowing in a way that had me instantly regretting my sudden backbone. Nevertheless I tried to maintain my best Kiramman face, slanted eyebrows and darkened eyes that probably only resulted in me looking like an angry or sad puppy. “I was going to apologize.” She finally spoke up after a moment, dropping her hands to her sides as she slowly took a few steps towards me. “I just didn’t want your back towards me whenever I did.”

I drew backwards whenever her body approached mine, my breath hitching in my throat as my back suddenly hit the side of a locker even though she hadn’t even gotten that close. “I’m sorry, for raising my voice at you. I just wanted to protect you.”

“From what?” I whispered, hands shaking as I slid my arms back around my waist as if trying to give myself the illusion of someone else’s arms around me.

“From you seeing things if they went south.” Vi stated, finally dropping herself down onto one of the benches that wrapped around the lines of lockers. “Now… will you please come here?”

I probably shouldn’t have. I knew it wasn’t smart of me and I had probably well and truthfully lost the plot. Her history with my sister was enough of a reason but the addition of the other stuff, the fighting, the mysterious death that I had yet to learn about but was too afraid to ask about. It was all such a bad idea and I knew that. But every aspect of love that had ever been in my life so far had been a bad idea.

I let my feet shuffle towards her, muscular arms sliding around my waist the moment I got close and my breathing hitched in my throat once more as I felt her pulling me right onto her lap. “Does it make you uncomfortable? Me holding you like this?” She wondered, hands gently ghosting along the ends of my hoodie as if she wanted to slip them up the fabric. And I think I nearly wanted her to. “You’re always shaking.”

“No… I just- I- nobody’s ever touched me like this before.” I answered before settling my clearly trembling hands around her shoulders. I used to always shake whenever people touched me, and still did if they were new. Partially because I never knew if it was going to be a rough touch or a gentle one. The same could be said for intimacy, I had never allowed myself the graces of pleasure before. The idea of exposing myself to somebody was horrifying, being so vulnerable and laid out so bare whenever they could choose to be whichever version of themselves they wanted.

“Never?” She spoke, the smallest gasp slipping from my lips the moment I felt her hand sliding underneath the fabric of the hoodie. Calloused fingers dragging along my bare skin nearly causing me to whimper at the goosebumps that followed.

“Never.” I answered, gulping an anxious lump down my throat. My legs shook as they were practically wrapped around her waist. I wanted to tear off her jersey and feel her muscles underneath again. Trace every line of her biceps and the tattoos inked on top of them, her hands sliding up my spine nearly causing me to arch against them. “Vi- Vi, this can’t just be physical. I-It has to be more than that.”

“What makes you think it is?” She questioned, and I almost whined the moment her warm hand left my skin. “I’ve been trying to sneak into that pretty little head of yours for a while now.”

“My head isn’t a pretty place.” My eyebrows furrowed slightly as I peered downwards in what could’ve almost been interpreted as shame.

“The dark parts too then. I wanna see those too.” Vi whispered.

The look in her eyes was too soft to be insincere, and I caught myself searching her face for any sign of it. I came up empty every single time. And before I knew it I was swirling a strand of her pink hair around my finger just before brushing my lips to hers. Vi’s grip around my waist only seemed to tighten as she pressed me to her. I could’ve sworn I even heard a whimper from her lips as I entangled my fingers through her soft hair. It didn’t last nearly as long as our kiss last night had, though I still felt every bolt and zap of the electricity that seemed to connect through us. My lips pink and swollen as she lightly drug her teeth through my bottom one just before I was left breathless.

“I wanna see you tonight… not to do anything I just- I just wanna see you. C-Can I?” It was the first time I had seemed to catch her flustered as she stared up at me with red cheeks, and not just from the natural chill of the ice rink.

It was hard to say no to the look on her face, so with a delicate hand pressed to her cheek I nodded. “Okay.”

~

“Boo!” I heard Jinx exclaim the moment I stepped outside, suddenly feeling like the hoodie I wore wasn’t enough to beat the chill that ran through me as I only jumped the tiniest bit. “Ha! Made you jump!” She teased as she pointed a long purple nail my way. “So, did you guys kiss and make up?”

“Uhhh… I mean-“ I stammered, my own cheeks suddenly a bright red as I caught my bottom lip in between my teeth.

“Yeah, you totally did, it’s written all over your face.” She laughed once more before reaching for a bright blue bike chained up to the rack next to mine. “Relax, new girl, I’m not gonna go all guard dog on you because you’re totally into my sister.”

“How come?” I wondered, almost afraid of the answer as I shuffled up towards my own bike.

“Because no offense, you kind of don’t really look like you could hurt a fly.” She chuckled a bit as she hoisted herself up onto the seat. “Going to club rush?” She added with that same smirk-like smile she always seemed to have.

“I guess… my sister told me it was kind of, you know, mandatory unless I wanted to have a really lonely next four years.” I shrugged casually before hopping up onto my own seat and peddling off behind Jinx.

“You seem like you’d be okay with having a very lonely next four years.” Jinx remarked with another little laugh. “Not that being in the ‘esteemed Kiramman family’ could provide a lonely existence.”

“Maybe if you’re Caitlyn, no, she’s always been the one with all the social skills and the brains and brawn to boot. I mean, she’d always try and find ways to include me but whenever she went to uni it just, obviously complicated things.” I explained immediately feeling my face heat up in embarrassment as I shook my head, “Sorry, I-I don’t wanna trauma dump.”

Jinx’s bike suddenly skidded to a halt nearly causing me to jolt forward as I pressed down on my brake to not speed ahead. Her eyes seemed to peer directly into mine with a look I hadn’t really seen from her before. Was it… sympathy? Empathy? “You aren’t trauma dumping, and for future reference if you need somebody to talk to, I’m here.”

My lips slightly upturned in the corners, hands squeezing around the handlebars as I weakly nodded, “Thanks Jinx, that means a lot.”

“Of course it does.” Her typical grin stretched back across her face before she lifted herself from the seat once more to venture forward. “Now… try to keep up because I’m a fast peddler… and a meddler.”

“I could definitely see that last part.” I laughed just before quickening the pace of my own peddling to speed off alongside her. And for the most part I nearly felt like I was getting at least a small part of what was mostly a lost childhood back. Racing down the block and laughing with your friends on your bike. “So, ummm… you’ve asked a lot about me- what about you? How’d you make it to the UK?”

“Pretty epic twist of fate I guess you could say, dead parents for one.”

“O-Oh my God, I’m so-”

“Eh, it’s all good.” Jinx waved it off easily, “My brain’s blocked a good amount of it out, a ‘trauma response’ or some shit, I guess. But anyways, Vi’s always been a beast on the ice hockey rink and rich people love a good sob story so the second they found out she was an orphaned foster kid with an absolutely adorable and tiny genius little sister the sponsorships started pouring in. So- she played hockey all throughout middle school and high school, I got into robotics and then her senior year she got recruited to Oxford. Then… a few years later I come around and sweep the rug out from underneath her feet with an engineering scholarship.”

I was almost stunned into silence as we skidded to a stop at a pedestrian crosswalk. “Wow, sounds like literal inspiration porn.”

“Oh, you have no idea.” She said with a laugh almost making me sigh in relief that she wasn’t offended. Though it seemed pretty difficult to offend Jinx. “I mean, don’t get me wrong. It’s not like we didn’t go through a lot. The foster system is hardly a walk in the park but… having a super sporty older sister helps.”

“And being smart yourself too… you have to give yourself credit for that.” I suggested shyly with a casual shrug.

“Maybe… at least mildly. I’m a degenerate, but a pretty brilliant degenerate.” She grinned, causing me to let out a little laugh of my own as we continued to peddle along the path. “So, what clubs are you looking to sign up for? You should totally go for drama, the professor who runs it is a fucking lunatic.”

“I don’t know if I’m necessarily a, you know, drama club kind of girl-”

“And do I look like I’m a drama club kind of girl?” Jinx wondered with a lifted brow.

“Yeah, a bit actually.” I answered causing her to roll her eyes in a way that only proved my point. “I mean, maybe, but I’m not like… going for lead role or anything.”

“You know, isn’t it funny how the people who say that always end up being the lead in some way?” She spoke in a sing song voice as she twirled a strand of her bright hair around her finger.

“Do I even need to ask to know that ao3 is somewhere in your browsing history? Or tumblr maybe?” I teased with a snicker that faded the moment I heard the first telltale signs of Oxford’s club rush.

I’m not sure what I was expecting, I guess I should’ve expected exactly this. With over 400 clubs club rush spanned a week long and nearly took over the entirety of the main quad and then some. It felt like a weeklong party of freshers and curious and bored upperclassmen alike. I absolutely should’ve been better prepared for the boatload of people filing in and out of the massive courtyard completely taken over by white tents and set ups every club had probably spent weeks working on. For some reason though I had a feeling no amount of research or planning could’ve prepared me for it though.

“Oh shit.” I cursed, immediately skidding to a stop so fast I nearly launched myself over the handlebars this time.

“Hey, chill new girl, before we get matching concussions!” Jinx exclaimed as she pressed her foot on the ground to stop herself. Her expression softened slightly though once she took a look at my face. Probably as white as a sheet much like the knuckles that gripped my handlebars. “Hey, what’s up with you? What happened?”

“Uhhh… umm, autism?” I stammered simply as I nearly scrambled off of the bike, almost drawing blood from my bottom lip at this point. “Ummm, so- I-I can’t go in there but- don’t let me hold you from it.” My words were a shaking mess as I tried to drive the bike away from the commotion. Jinx only chased me down like the stubborn girl she was.

“Well, I’m sure as shit not leaving you out here to panic by yourself!” She voiced as she trudged off behind me to find a bench before my knees could give out from below me.

“That might actually be the best option for you in all honesty.” I answered in a shaking voice, finally giving up before I found subtle solace underneath one of the large trees to prop my bike up against.

“Okay, what would be the best option for you?” Jinx’s boots cracked underneath the fallen branches as she watched me drop the backpack from my shoulders. Every inch of me nearly felt like it was shaking as she cautiously approached me. “Because if you honestly want me to leave then I will but- don’t just say that because you’re trying to spare me from something. You aren’t a burden, Amelia.”

I tensed at first whenever I felt her cautious hand on my shoulder, it felt like every sound was getting louder and louder by the minute and I had to fight the urge to not launch myself into her arms right then and there. “C-Can we sit down?” My words shook nearly as hard as my legs did, threatening to give out any moment.

“Yeah, ‘course.” Jinx nodded quickly, already kneeling down to try and clear a spot underneath the tree even though it was already pretty clear. It was like she was trying everything she could to be helpful.

I guess you could’ve said my meltdowns were different than a lot of the ones you probably see portrayed. It was rare I ever yelled or expressed anger, I never hit anything, sometimes I would scratch at myself or pull my hair. But more often than not they were silent killers. The uncomfortable shaking, muscles giving out, the crying, oh god the crying was more exhausting than anything. If I was in public I tried my hardest not to, though most of the time that took more out of me than the actual crying did. All I knew was to retreat. Retreat, run, hide, curl up into a ball and hoped that eventually it would pass. Even though occasionally it almost felt like the aftermath was one of the worst parts. The depression that followed, the shame, the embarrassment, the apologies to everyone else even though I still didn’t know how I would’ve prevented it.

That was the worst part of all.

“What can I do to help?” Jinx asked as she placed a cautious hand on my knee that I was quickly hugging to my chest.

“C-Can you text Ellie and Caitlyn the code word, p-please? It’s pineapple. I-It shouldn’t have a passcode.” I questioned through my quivering voice, feeling like my lungs were already sealing shut in my chest much like they had last night. I could tell she was biting back one of her funny remarks as she slid my phone from my hoodie pocket, and I almost wished she would have before the tears started to fall and I became incapable of anything else.

“Inhaler- I-I need my inhaler.” I practically gasped out as I scrambled for my backpack. “P-Please tell me I brought it, f-for fuck’s sakes! H-How am I so stupid?!” I whimpered in frustration as I dug around through my backpack only to be met with no avail.

“Millie, Millie don’t.” Jinx gently slipped her hands into mine before I could start lashing out at myself. “We’ll find it, I promise we’ll find it.”

“I’m sorry.” I spoke through the sobs, apologizing prematurely before I could get any worse.

I clutched her hands for dear life it seemed. The sounds of various students passing by only got louder, the levels of shame coursing through my body causing me to squeeze myself into the same little ball I always did. Retreat, make yourself as small as possible. My breath came out in wheezes, a slow rattling beginning to increase in my chest until it felt impossible to talk. Stupid, stupid, stupid Amelia.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Jinx spoke, sliding a firm arm around my shoulders until she was able to pull me closer. “Lean on me, I’ve got you.” A sob broke through the cacophony of wheezes as I burrowed my face into the crook of her arm. “Caitlyn and Ellie are on their way, just keep taking deep breaths for me, okay?” I forced a nod as I held onto her arm and let the tears soak into the fabric of her jacket.

It seemed like only a few moments later I heard the rushed sound of feet on the surrounding ground. My lungs only getting tighter and tighter by the second as Caitlyn nearly tripped over her own two feet rushing to the space underneath the tree. “I’m here! Mills, I’m here, I’ve got your backup.” She spoke in an out of breath voice as if she had sprinted the entire way here.

Immediately I forced my hands out to grip the inhaler and shove it in between my lips, sending a blast of the medicated air through my lungs. Afterwards I still held the device in my hands like it was the only thing providing me comfort. Caitlyn gently smoothed out my hair with a soft hand. “You can do a second one, if you need to.” She spoke as I sat there still, holding the device in between my lips even afterwards.

Sometimes I think the person who had supposedly ‘knitted me in my mother’s womb’ actually hated me. Autism wasn’t enough, so we had had to complicate things with severe hypersensitivity in my airways that could’ve been correlated to a development of asthma. Every time I thought I was moving forward and not becoming such a medical nightmare however it was usually squandered by an incident such as this one.

“Thank you for taking care of her, Jinx.” I could tell Caitlyn was biting back her pride as she promptly took me into her arms. For some reason the familiar feeling of my sister’s embrace making me want to cry a hundred times harder. She was always such a quick way to get me to calm down. I always felt bad whenever she had to drop everything and come running. Now for the second day in a row. “My place is pretty close if you want me to take you there. Get you out of here.”

I nodded against Caitlyn’s shirt before trying to pry my face from where it was hidden in her chest. “Jinx, can you text Ellie the address?” I asked, grateful for the stability that was somewhat creeping back into my voice.

“Sure- do- do you want me to come too?” She wondered almost hesitantly as she pushed herself up to her feet. Her usually playful eyes now softened as she still cautiously held onto my phone.

“If it isn’t too much trouble… s-sure.” I nodded with a tearful and weak smile.

Caitlyn hoisted me up onto my still shaking legs where I leaned most of my weight against her. I could tell part of her wanted to carry me like she had done in the past. Like she started doing the moment she hit her growth spurt claiming she wanted me to ‘see what it’s like up there.’ I almost even wanted her to myself, but not here. Not around so many people. I couldn’t make things even worse for myself.

“No, it’s not any trouble at all.” Jinx said sincerely before going to scoop up my backpack for me. “I’ll get all of our things.”

[apollodarling-writes]

Please please please, a ghost x fem!reader fic where medic reader is on the field for some reason and reader gets injured because simon makes a miscalculation and everyone is told they’re gonna die (but she makes it through in the end) but like the TORMENT AND SELF TORTURE PLEASEEEEEE

Also can you do it like a confirmed secret relationship (like not a crush or situationship)

I wanna see angst and hurt and simon blaming himself and losing it but reader comforting him at the enddd

tws: gore, injury, near-death, war typical murder, simon has a panic attack, dissociation, simon is mean for like two lines

i hc that simon doesn't allow himself to get close to people because they always die in the end- so that's included in here.

@darklordofthesimp

Everything happened too fast for Simon to process. One second the hall was cleared, his finger snug against the trigger, ammunition filled and ready to lay out the next enemy. And the next… you were bleeding from the chest, choking on your own blood, and eyes filling with tears.

Simon didn’t hesitate to eliminate the enemy, yelling over the speaker that you- their only medic and Simon’s lover- were bleeding out, harmed by his own miscalculation and shortcomings. Soap MacTavish was the first to respond, saying he was finished on his end and that he would take you to the infirmary as soon as he could make it over there. The mission was complete- they had exterminated every hostile in the building and reinforcements would now be able to lodge here.

But you... Simon couldn’t bear to look you in the eyes. He was afraid he would watch as the life bled from your eyes and onto his hands just like everyone else he’s ever loved and cared for. Firmly pressing his hand against your wound, he tried to stop the bleeding, whispering prayers to the gods he stopped believing in a long time ago.

“Please, please, please! Hold on for me, baby. Hold on just a little longer!” Simon’s voice cuts through the silence, voice strained and cracking. He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as you nod your head in response.

“Si… ‘m sleepy. So sleepy..”

"Fuck! Stay awake for me, princess. I promise you can sleep later." Tears spill over Simon's lash line, landing on your cheeks despite your inability to feel them. Simon's calloused fingers brush your hair from your eyes, cupping the back of your head with one hand and untangling your hair.

"Jus' stay awake for me, please." Simon would cringe at how pitiful his voice sounds- all hoarse and quivering- if you weren't bleeding out in his arms. It's his fault. If he hadn't been so eager, you wouldn't have been hurt- this was the only time he had ever miscalculated and now the one person he had allowed himself to love was dying. Crimson had painted his gear and hands. That damned iron tang usually wouldn't bother him, but it's yours. It's your blood.

Simon doesn't hear Johnny approach, pressing two fingers to your neck and checking for a pulse. Simon doesn't hear Johnny tell Price over the Comms that you were damn near dead. He doesn't hear Price tell him it'll be okay, and he doesn't feel Gaz lifting him. He doesn't feel his breathing become shallow and rapid, nor does he recall König guiding him through breathing techniques.

Simon does remember the Head Nurse on duty telling the team that it was unlikely you'd make it. The bullet had punctured a vital organ and surgery would be difficult and risky with the state you're in.

It's my fault she's gonna die. It's all my fault.

Simon doesn't remember anything that happened after that. He only knows that the next time he looked in the mirror, his eyes were bloodshot and he had snot dribbling down his nose. Even now as Simon gazes into the mirror, the only thing he sees is a killer. A legal, funded bloodthirsty machine. Killers shouldn't love.

Or at least that's what he tells himself. If he didn't love you then maybe you'd be okay right now. You'd be thriving and goofing off with Soap and Gaz, comforting König, and doing whatever it is you do when you're not working or with him. But, because he loved you...you were going to die. Everyone Simon loves and cares about dies.

Knocking on the door alerts Simon of a presence. "Oi, LT. The Nurse has news on [Name]."

Simon wipes his face and opens the door. He trudges to the infirmary, afraid of the possibility that you'd died during the operation; afraid that he would be the reason you wouldn't make it into your thirties. Simon was afraid he'd be the reason your family would grieve for years to come- an empty seat at every family gathering, every shared holiday. He's terrified of the possibility that your puppy back home would be wondering where you're at for the rest of its life, and that you wouldn't be able to achieve your dreams after your enlistment ends.

Yet, Simon continues on. Step by step, corridor by corridor he makes his way to the nurse's station. Simon imagines the possibilities. If you had died during the operation, did you curse his name with your final breath? Did you hate him for letting you get hurt? Would you watch over him during battle?

And if you did make it through, would it be better for him to distance himself? Would it be better for you to stay away from him? Simon wonders what it would take to make you hate him. Even if it hurts him, Simon decides, he'd rather see you alive and well than dead in a casket. So, as Simon finally reaches the infirmary, he decides that if you were still alive, he'd break things off and make you hate him. It would be better for you. You'd be safe.

Simon stops in front of the door. Were you alive? Did he want to know? He wouldn't be able to live with himself if you...passed away. No, he doesn't want to think about it. Just open the door.

Simon feels his chest grow tight, his mind racing with the thought that you'd died during the operation. It was his fault. Simon feels his breath grow short, gasping for air and tears pricking his eyes. He shouldn't have loved you. Simon clutches his chest; he can't get enough air. Maybe you'd still be alive if he hadn't.

He failed you.

He didn't deserve you.

He'd never see your smile again.

He'd never get to propose to you.

It's all his fault. It's all his fault. It's all his fault . It's all his fault its all his fault all his fault its all his fault its all his fault its all his fault its all his fault its all his fault its all his fault its all his fault its all his fault its all his fault-

"Breathe. Breathe for me... Ghost, breathe." Ghost recognizes König’s voice. He feels a hand on his shoulders.

"In for four seconds.... hold. Out for four seconds... hold." König repeats that mantra, Ghost following along until that blockage in his chest is gone and he can breathe properly.

"She's alive, Ghost." Price's worried face comes into view, and with those three words, he can feel the weight upon his shoulders melt away.

"Can I see 'er?" Simon croaks, cringing at the state of his voice.

“Yeah.. yeah you can see her.” Price doesn’t move as Ghost approaches the door, placing a hand on his shoulder and murmuring, “It’s not yer fault.”

Ghost doesn’t respond, simply wrapping his fingers around the door handle and pushing it open before he can stop to think. There you were in all your glory- chapped lips and dark circles and he still thought you were the most beautiful person in the world. Upon opening the door, your [color] eyes had settled upon him, a smile finding its way to your face.

“Hey Si-“

“[Callsign], I don’t think we should be together anymore.” Ghost blurts, watching as your face fell and disbelief wrestled its way into the shadows of your eyes, tears gathering at your lash line.

“That’s bullshit.” You whisper. “That’s absolute bullshit… This is because I got hurt isn’t it? Isn’t it!?”

Ghost stays silent and you become desperate, throwing the covers off of your body and taking pained steps towards him. Tears fall at a faster pace now, and Ghost can’t look you in the eyes- if he did, he’d beg you for forgiveness. He’d sob into your arms and ask if you hated him. He’d be Simon again.

“Si, please. It’s not your fault.” You cry. “I’m here aren’t I? Right?”

Ghost doesn’t respond, opting to gaze at the floor and bite his lip. It hurts him, it really does. He never liked to see you cry. If he could, he’d protect you from everything so that you’d never cry again. His heart squeezes as you release a sob, latching onto his wrist as he stands to leave.

“Simon Riley, don’t you dare leave! You don’t get to leave and not tell me why!” You exclaim, voice wavering. “Is it because I’m a liability? Am I too much?”

No, you’re not, Is what he wants to say.

Instead, he says, “I never loved you. You were just a warm hole.” The words taste like ash in his mouth.

“You’re lying! Please, tell me you’re lying!” The heart rate monitor begins to pick up pace and you rip everything hooked up to you out, sinking to the floor and clutching your chest.

“Simon Riley!” He loved when you would say his name. “Look at me! Look at me right now!”

His body turns, eyes meeting yours for a moment before they fall back to the floor. God, you have such pretty eyes. Such a cute nose and plush lips- he remembers when you would press kisses to every inch of his face when he came back from a mission. He remembers the time you almost got caught leaving his room when you wanted cuddles in the middle of the night. But, he won’t have that anymore. Simon tells himself that it’s for the best.

“You think you can be the martyr, Simon?! You think I don’t know what you’re doing?” You sound so hurt; Simon hates it. It’s for the best. “You think after everything you’ve told me, I wouldn’t know that you think you’re doing what’s best for me?”

“Simon goddamn Riley. I love you. I love you so much and I know you love me too.” Simon feels your hands lift his face, immediately leaning into your touch and eyes scanning your face. Your eyes are puffy and bloodshot, tearstains carving trails down your cheeks, and tears keep falling. His hands itch to wipe them away.

“You don’t need to leave, Si.” He hears the plea in your voice and caves, pulling off his mask and pressing his lips to yours, tears streaming down his cheeks and mixing with yours.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Simon chants, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his chin atop your head.

“Si, it’s okay.” You sniffle. “I love you.”

Simon’s lip quivers, teary eyes meeting your gaze before his lips press gentle kisses to every inch of your face, kissing away your tears.

“I love you too.”          

[p3ndeja6]

★🌀✮💤☆

Stan m. x y/n

dedicated to my super best friend, took me long enough @lilmeowneow☆ (ma fault slime)

summary: you and Stan were each others first, you guys were meant for each other everyone knew that but it just wouldn't go that way, no matter how much pain you both suffered. you both knew it was time.

content: ANGST, cheating, implied sex, arguing, flashbacks

AGED UP

word count: 1.2k

lazily proof-read, i tried not to suck on this one.

inspired by: I Want You by Mitski

.ೃ࿐.ೃ࿐

“Right person, wrong time”

Y/N

“Where did it all go wrong?”

We were so perfect. Everything about him was perfect. Spending time with him was like a never ending dream, where did it go wrong. I paced around our shared apartment, reminiscing on all the moments we shared.

 Laying next to each other as our warm, sticky skin conjoined together, our heavy breathing started to go back to normal, but our heartbeats … our heartbeats were moving rapidly. Having him in my arms like this, like no one else has had him, just me, only me. He looked me into my eyes and saw me, from that day I knew that this was the person i wanted to spend my life with. 

 I started crying at the memory of us spending the night together for the very first time in our apartment. I clutch my heart trying my hardest to keep the uncontrollable sob that wanted to be set free in. Where did it go wrong? Everyone told us that we complement each other so well, we were made for each other, everyone just knew that we would end up together in this lifetime.

Looking up at the ceiling, trying to stop more tears from spilling, my throat started to sting and feel dry. The fights started over little things at first. ‘You forgot to throw away the trash’ ‘it said to take the left lane!’ ‘you messed up the recipe”

To ‘ why are you being this way!’ “You are so clingy!’ ‘just leave me alone!’

The last fight was messy. I cringed as I replayed the fight in my head. I hate fighting with him, but afterwards we always end up in each other's arms. But not these last few times.

—

You tried so hard to remember the good times, the good times you spent with each other. But it just seems the bad ones kept consuming everything else. 

“y/n you have no idea how much you mean to me, you’re everything i need, everything i want. Only you. I wouldn't want to spend my life without you. I hope that in every lifetime we come back together. I’ll search for you in every lifetime, I promise…”

 — 

Everything just spilled out, all the tears that I had built up were finally free, I felt my knees hit the carpet, sobbing uncontrollably. Trying to cover them up with my hand over my mouth. 

“Why?” this wasn't the first time you had a night like this. You felt it that whenever you and Stan would fight he’d leave for long periods of time, sometimes the whole night. You felt it in your gut that he went with her. She was a friend, but you knew better. You confronted him about it multiple times, but he would always tell you the same thing over again. “Gosh y/n! No, I didn't go to her house, I just needed some air. "It was a lie. You knew it was.

Stan knew he was lying and he knew that you could tell when he would lie. Staring at your beautiful eyes, he felt so much guilt. He loves you so much and it hurts him that you guys are going through a rough patch. He can't explain why this is happening but it is. You were his person and he couldn't fathom losing you, but he knew he slowly was. He tried to keep the act up, he knew that it was wrong to go to her house at the late hours of the night, letting her kiss him, and hold him and caress him. It never went too far but he knew this was already far enough. He just needed this attention. But why couldn't he ask you for it? He doesn't know.

He doesn't want to lose y/n but he knew the relationship was going nowhere. 4 years going on to 5. The fifth year wouldn't even count because of the fallout between you two. Stan still holds hope that this nightmare will come to an end, that you both can just be happy again. One last time, one last time to be together again.

Y/N

“I cant keep doing this anymore” you told stan as he was changing into his favorite sweater you bought him two christmases ago. He turned around slowly, looking at you confused but he knew.

‘What are you talking about?” he answered after a few minutes of silence. “You know what im talking about” “This Stan!” you pointed at both of you “Us stan, Us, i cant keep doing this anymore” you finally let out the tears you desperately kept from him. “ I-I just can't do this anymore, I am so in love with you but you are pushing me away and going out in the late hours, going God knows where!” tears streaming down your face. The stinging sensation from trying not to cry, burning your throat and nose, making it hard to speak. You had to let him know. “I want you Stan… I need you” “ I need you here with me but you don't try anymore. We wasted a year doing whatever this was… but it's time to stop "" it's time we end it… for good” you stared at him with the tears staining your cheeks.

He looked up to you seeing how destroyed you looked, he caused this in the first place. He wanted to try to work it out, make this right again. Relive the sweet moments when it was just you two in bed. Talking about what the future holds for both of you. 

“But we are meant for each other, you and me till the end” you let out a pity laugh, “yeah i thought so too” “ but its not looking like that stan… not anymore” he got close to you, reaching out to hold you but you backed up a little.

“Please baby, please let me” he whispered to you as he slowly got closer, grabbing your hands, gliding his way up to your shoulders, pulling you into his embrace. You stopped breathing for a second, taking in this moment, taking in his sweet musky scent as it would be the last time you’d be in his arms like this again. You hugged him back, letting it go, letting it all go. Stan didn't realize but he also was crying, sobbing really. You were the one for him...

You looked up at him staring into his beautiful blue eyes, knowing you’ll no longer be able to get lost in the abyss of those eyes you ever so loved. Where did it go wrong? You reach up to hold his face, he holds up a hand to your face as well. Your heads are moving in slow motion, finally connecting to each other kissing each other so gracefully. Taking in the combined salty tears as you kissed; this was like the missing piece to the puzzle, to complete the puzzle. Where did it go wrong? You wanted to hold onto this forever, like he said till the end. It just wasn't going to end like this.

“I love you darling but… im done; we just weren't meant to be in this lifetime together” “no… we were… just not at this time.”

‘You were the right person for me, it was just the wrong time’

‘I hope i can find you again, either in this lifetime or the next’

[electric-lavender]

i must admit that turnabout intruder is one of my problematic faves too.

if you feel like elaborating, i’d love to hear your takes!!

I would absolutely love to elaborate! To preface this I’m exceptionally bad at writing out my thoughts so apologies if this is a little all over the place. Also this got way longer than I expected and I still don’t feel like I covered all my thoughts so sorry for the super long reply.

The tl;dr is that I think the episode is trying to show us, in Star Trek’s exaggerated way, that experiencing misogyny and internalizing is bad and that is the fault of the how society treats women and not, you know, women.

I’ve only seen the episode once so I think I definitely need to watch it again to fully sort out my thoughts. For some context I recently did a full tos watch, I mostly watch tng as a kid and a few random tos eps, and as I was making my way through I thought a lot about how the like for what makes something socially progressive shifts over time. There are a lot of episodes and themes that we have to look at through the culture context of the late sixties.

That being said I think one of the places tos, and basically every other show, really falls short is how it understands and represents gender. For me this is most clear in how every alien has the same understanding of sex and gender as humans but that is for a separate rant. This is about gender by way of misogyny. So without further ado here is my defense of turnabout intruder.

Before I watched turnabout intruder my understanding of it was that it was bad in the not well written way and bad in the misogynistic way. I think it’s important to know that I do not think this episode is free of misogyny, few tos episodes are, but I think if we all up on our critical thinking caps we can see that there is *gestures vaguely* something worth talking about.

When I finally watched it I was expecting it to be much more misogynistic than it was so I really psyched myself up, but I genuinely don’t think it makes it on my top three most misogynistic tos episodes. The only part that really made me cringe was when Scotty is talking to Bones about how he’s never seen Kirk so hysterical. I think that the use of the word hysterical is totally unnecessary to what Scotty is saying and only serves to make that line overtly misogynistic.

I think the thing that makes me not label Janice’s who character as just a poorly hysterical woman who’s purpose in the narrative is to remind us that women aren’t fit to lead because of emotions or whatever is that, at least to me, she seems more complex than that. The thing that leads me to believe that the writers had some idea what they were doing is how Janice clearly has the most intense case of internalized misogyny I may have ever seen.

The episode doesn’t want us to come away from it believing women aren’t fit to lead because they’re emotional. It want us to understand that misogyny is so poisonous that a lifetime of experiencing it can drive you to hate yourself so much that, in the case of Janice you would do nothing short of murder to escape it.

I was going to add a bit at the end about Kirk as a victim of abuse but I can’t organize my thoughts about that very well right now. Other people have written much more eloquent post about this, but I’ll say that the thing that stuck with me is that his masculinity is never brought into question. No one on the ship thinks less of him because a woman hurt him and I think, although it’s not the focus of the episode, it’s something that’s important to mention.

I have somehow managed to leave out all of my transgender thoughts from this so perhaps if I have the energy for that at some point I will make a part two with that.



[sturniololuv08]

Where Was Here?

We got back to the house and Chris was back from his mysterious plans too.

"What did you two do?"

"Could ask you the same thing." I shot back.

"Woah. What is your problem?" He raised his hands in surrender.

"He is having uhh... a bad day," Nick covered for my attitude. "We just got back from getting some coffee." Nick displayed his cup so Chris wouldn't doubt his statement. Nick knew I didn't want her mentioned to Chris. If he knew about her, he would just keep pressing my buttons.

"Meeting at Elmer's tonight." Chris always stayed on track. "Nick you don't have to come but Elmer said it is going to be chill if you wanna."

"I'll go. I don't want to be out of the loop." He sat down on the couch. Chris joined him and handed him a console controller. "You're on." Nick got excited. He already was showing disinterest in her missing. I, however, couldn't forget. I went to my room and sat on the edge of my mattress. There was no way she was missing missing. Her friend was probably just freaking out over nothing. Maybe she went on a vacation and forgot to tell her, or she just needed some space. Perhaps she stayed the night with her boyfriend. I got upset about the thought of that. I then cringed at myself being upset over someone I hardly knew possibly having a boyfriend. If she was missing I hope it wasn't serious. I hoped that she just needed a breather from working hard all the time and took one.

"Time to go!" I sat up and looked around. "Matt!" Chris poked his head into my room. "It is time to go." He was in mission mode.

"Yeah, I'm coming." I felt groggy. I looked around my room again. The only light was from my tiny lamp on the dresser in the corner. I patted my pockets making sure I had my phone and shoes on my feet. I nodded expressing to myself that I was good to leave the house and jogged out to the car. Chris whipped us around a few blocks until we were parked harshly outside Elmer's. The usual crew was already here. We walked in and everyone greeted Nick and Chris. The only person who gave me attention was Polly.

"How are you holding up?" Her voice was coated with guilt.

"I'm fine." I was stern. Not because Nick's gunshot wound traumatized me but because all I could think about was Her missing.

"Are you sure? It was a lot to experience for the first time."

"Yeah. I'm good." I softened up. It wasn't her fault She was missing. "Thank you. For helping Nick." I was grateful she was around to help him when he needed it.

"Anytime." She smiled softly. Our conversation was interrupted by Elmer.

"We have a problem." He sighed. "Not only are The Reapers moving in on us but I believe somehow they are getting inside. Either someone in this room is playing dirty on our fam or they have another way in." Everyone started looking around at one another. I don't see how anyone here could be a leak. Although it was just a gang everyone treated each other like family here. Elmer trusted every single one of us otherwise we wouldn't be sitting in this room. "Aye, listen up." The murmuring stopped. "With Nick out of commission, Matt is stepping up. He gets the same respect as Nick you hear?" You could tell how stressed out he was while talking.

"Heard." "Yes sir." "Understood." Everyone acknowledged the change in rank. Although I thought it was a little weak my change in respect had to be addressed.

"We need to tighten up. No more loose ends. From here on out I want everyone reporting to Chris. Everything, and I mean everything, goes through him." Everyone nodded or looked in Chris' direction. Chris stood tough. He liked the attention. He was born for leadership. "Hang out for a minute. I got some jobs for everyone. Madi can I see you?" He dismissed everyone.

"How does it feel?" Nick asked me.

 "Feels intense." I sighed. I didn't realize I was holding my breath the whole time Elmer was talking to us.

"It'll be easy. Just hang around and watch everyone. You'll learn everything real quick." He reassured me.

"Can I go -"

"Yeah." He smiled at me. He always could tell when I needed a break. I always felt like Chris could tell too; he just didn't care. I snuck out of the back door and hopped over the backyard fence. I walked through the dark alleyway to the main street. It was cooler outside than inside the house with everyone on edge. Elmer meant well but he could make a room hot. The air was suffocating inside, but out here it was fresh. The stars were twinkling above me bright even though the street lights were challenging them. I looked at the ground and saw my shadow in front of me. The chilly air flowed down my spine and almost immediately something felt wrong. I looked behind me and saw a car slowly rolling close to the sidewalk. I kept walking forward but I picked up my pace. I watched the shadow in front of me move closer to my body. I turned around and saw the car speeding off to the left. I shook my head. I was already stressed enough and now I was going to be constantly paranoid too. I rubbed my face with my hands and sighed for a long time. I turned around to keep walking in the direction I was originally going. I was instantly met with a sharp pain in my stomach.

"What the fu-" I was struck again and fell to my knees.

"Get him." Someone said. I stood up and went to run but I was held back. I made a fist and tried to break free from the force holding me back but I failed. My head was covered with something.

"Get the fuck off." I started kicking around since my arms were restrained. I felt multiple hands holding my arms and ankles. I was lifted off the ground and had no control over my body. "Let me go." I kept struggling.

"In the trunk." I heard someone say. I immediately felt my body hit something hard. I then heard the latch of the trunk door and the car started. I was trying to move my hands and feet but they were stuck together. I still had something covering my face so everything was dark and it was getting harder to breathe. I couldn't stop my body from rolling around while whoever was driving sped around and took sharp turns. The car stopped abruptly throwing me into the wall of the trunk.

"We are here." Someone said as I was grabbed out of the trunk. Where was here?

[mya-cookie-eater]

Calling || Miles M.

1610!Miles Morales x y/n l/n

Y/n:pink 

Miles:red

Lyrics:blue 

⚠️warning(s)⚠️:fem reader,fighting,black reader in mind,lyrics might not match song just go with it,dragged out fighting,bad fight writing, probably cringe,fluff,rushed at the end,no reread toke way to long to make it not rereading it,most likely we’ll have to replay song over and over

“I didn’t think you would get there in time to save me”

“I’ll always save you”

                       ɴᴏᴡ ᴘʟᴀʏɪɴɢ:  calling ♡

             •metro boomin,NAV,and swae lee•

           ────────⚪────────

                         ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►

      0:00 / 0:00 ───○ 🔊⠀ ᴴᴰ ⚙ ❐ ⮎1⮌

Just to save you

Ooh-ooh-ooh (yo)

I'd give my all

(Narrator POV)

You had gotten thrown trough the air by green goblin him and your boyfriend miles morales (aka spider-man) had been fighting him and somehow he linked you to him many because every time you where even 8 feet from danger he would come help you probably that but he had linked the two of you and he knew miles cared about you so he targeted you he had linked you an miles months ago and he just kept coming for you miles would always save you so you weren’t scared as you flew trough the air but as you got closer to the ground you got more and more scared “SPIDER-MAN HELP” you yelled as you neared the ground you thought  guess this is the end of y/n l/n

Hey

I can hear you screamin' out, callin' me (callin' me)

It's my fault, made you fall for me (fall)

So, to save you, I'd give my all (my all)

(Miles POV)

I swung trough the air looking for green goblin as I heard y/n yell “SPIDER-MAN HELP” then I found him and her she was in the air well barleys because of how close she was to the ground as soon as I saw her I shot my web to save her then when she was safe I turned to green goblin “if you wanted to fight me you could have just found me y’a know you don’t have to bring in innocent people” “I don’t want to kill you anymore I want you to feel pain I want you hurt I want you to watch her die” he said as he went for y/n again he tried to body slam her but I jumped in her place mindlessly only thing on my mind saving her

Just to save you, I'd give all of me (all of me)

I can hear you screamin' out, callin' me (callin' me)

It's my fault, made you fall for me (fall for me)

So, to save you, I'd give my all (my all)

(Y/n’s POV)

I seen miles get body slammed in my place I yelled “NO!” As I seen him hit the side of the building green goblin focused on me again as I ran to miles “baby baby are you alive” I said looking at him “I’m ok” he said “ no no your not” I said picking up his body and going into an empty alleyway “you’d better be happy I have a first aid kit on me at all time’s” I say trying to lighten the mood “your going to need stitches” I said as I pulled his suit down on top “are your legs good?” I said stitching his chest up “ow that hurts” miles complained “you need to to live Bebe” I said as I continued to stitch him up then I started to clean his wounds “where’s green goblin” miles said trying to get up “hey hey hey sit still for a little you can be the city’s hero in a minute but right now be your own by letting you body rest for a bit” 

You fell for me, I count on you when times are tough

Instead of holdin' you down, I should lift you up

It hurts me when you start to see my flaws (my flaws)

But just to save you, I'd risk it all (all)

(Narrator POV)

 After he rested he went back to fight the green goblin he was so mad he even laid a finger on you so he was in it when he fought him again he was punching and kicking and slapping and throwing him it was a surprise he hadn’t won yet but green goblin was just as determined to kill miles he kicked him in his face until he had blood coming out his mask you cried as you seen miles he looked so hurt you couldn’t move because of how scared you were how sad you were you thought of what would happen if he died you remembered when you met in pre-k you’d known him 11 years you didn’t know you would ever date him you didn’t know you would even date a boy when you met him you still thought boys had cooties you remembered all the nights he said he would always come home to you alive and well every time you cried because you where worried about him you thought you had time left with him but right now it felt like you had everything but time with him

Short on time for you, I'd never have enough (have enough)

When I ran into you, I didn't plan on fallin' in love

Always there to wipe your tears, I hate to see you cry

(Miles POV)

I felt like I was about to die I can’t die I didn’t get to marry her yet no I have to live I have to live for her I swung on to a building as the green goblin went up the building I jumped off and swung building to building the green goblin got y/n again but he wasn’t hurting you he’s was using y/n to get to me “I’m right here now so let her go” I said “it’s not you I want I just wanted to kill her in front of you” he laughed and then throw her trough the air and also she had a bomb on her stomach it had one minute on it I ran to her as fast as I could then started to defuse the bomb “it’s to late for me baba” she said tears in her eyes “no no I still have time I can still save you” I said as she grabbed my face and made me like at her “you can’t just know I love you” “I love you too but don’t say it like that like- like your gonna die your not” I said crying 

10….9….8….7….6….5….4…3…2…1…0

If you tell me to jump, I'll ask you, "How high?"

I know sometimes it be hard for me to tell the truth (tell the truth)

But I go through any obstacle to get to you (to you)

I'm not materialistic, but I got a thing for you

Treat the world like my guitar, I'm pullin' strings for you

(Y/n POV) 

I  screamed but nothing happened I was safe miles defused the bomb I’m time I’m alive “thank you so much” I said “anytime” he said jumping off the top of the building we were on going back to fight green goblin they were head to head the fight was red blood was everywhere miles swung and kicked green goblin in the face and pulled him onto the ground and he stomped his face over and over then miles got slammed into the ground he was beaten and bloody I cried it hurt to see him so hurt miles jumped atop a building near by and laid there green goblin found miles very fast a threw him to the ground I didn’t have much time to think but in the time i did have I remembered the spare pair of web shooters miles had given he for my birthday as I had told him I enjoy swings with him trough out the city and the sunset sounds of the city in my ears  I shot the web at miles and it stoped him from falling to his almost inevitable death 

I can hear you screamin' out, callin' me (callin' me)

It's my fault, made you fall for me (fall)

So, to save you, I'd give my all (my all)

Just to save you, I'd give all of me (all of me)

I can hear you screamin' out, callin' me (callin' me)

(Narrator POV)

Miles jumps up on his feet and shot webs trying to trap green goblin he threw green goblin into a building and the glass windows all over it shattered miles walked over to him and beat him down but green goblin ment he was gon get his get back and pushed miles to the ground he then began to punch his face and threw a bomb over to miles he threw it back and it exploded next to green goblin knocking him out miles webbed him to a wall as the police took him away miles went to you  when he go to you he held you in his arms “Oh my” you said grabbing his face and talking a look at him also looking at his suit it was cut on the chest and shoulder “I’m fine really” he said not sure if he was trying to convince you or himself more “let’s go” miles swung to your house and went inside he was sat on your sink “ah shit that hurts” miles yelped as you cleaned the gash on his shoulder “m sorry baba I have to clean it so it doesn’t get infected” you say kissing his cheek when you finish fixing him up you guys put on  pajamas and lay in your bed

It's my fault, made you fall for me (fall for me)

So, to save you, I'd give my all (my all)

Let me be your hero

You held me down, I was stuck at the bottom

Get out of here, I get you lit, oh

I know you can't stand me

I remember when I bust down your rose gold, had your diamonds dancin'

I picked you up in that Bentley Mulsanne when them sirens was glarin'

I gave you the slammer, it's nobody else that got it, you can call me

(Your POV)

I laid my head on miles chest and listened to his heart beat  “i love you more than the stars shine bright more than the moon is high in the sky and i love you more than the oceans are wide and grand I love you with all of my soul"

Miles said holding you to his chest "I love you too miles With every fiber of my being"

You said back "I love you with all of me and everything I have” miles said looking into your eyes

The way I let you come into my life and take my heart away, it's like a robbery

Every time you look up on the charts, now you seein' me, I hope you proud of me

I got you bussed down, Patek Philippes, ain't no way you goin' back to Cartis

And I splurge on that shit, like seeing a Zombie

Seen me out in a public, hardly

Low-key with my mask, I'm solo

If I don't speak to nobody, I'm sorry

And I'll save you if you can't save yourself

Hold on, let me catch my breath

Need a hero? I'm the last one left

I can hear you screamin' out, callin' me (callin' me)

(Narrator POV)

You and miles slept the rise of the night at peace and in love….

It's my fault, made you fall for me (fall)

So, to save you, I'd give my all (my all)

Just to save you, I'd give all of me (all of me)

I can hear you screamin' out, callin' me (callin' me)

It's my fault, made you fall for me (fall for me)

So, to save you, I'd give my all (my all)

Oh-oh (all of me)

All the people

And all of me

(If Young Metro don't trust you-, trust you)

(Metro)

A/n:this is old I just never posted it mmm tell me how I did

-much love ✰Mya✰  

[agirlandherquill]

the calendar project - day 16&17

double whammy because once again i forgot to post what i wrote yesterday, so i'll combine it with today's pages!

daily page count: day 16(1) day 17(2)

time spent: 1 hour

here's the pages,

“It’s a head because I’m not allowed to keep live ones anymore.” Ave added, he caught the sadness to her voice, but countered it. “If you kept them better one wouldn’t have found a home in Bast’s trousers.”

“How is it my fault he desecrated himself? He never said he didn’t like snakes!”

That reminded Reid, Bast’s up next, I hope he’s a bit gentler on Isolde. “Take it up with him Ave, not me.”

“I will!” Her cheerful giggle made him get Isolde out the other end of the room just a little faster. She doesn’t need to see a fight between those two. 

Isolde seemed calmer when he shut the door behind them. “Is she usually like that?”

“Like what?” Here it comes, the bit I was afraid of.

“So-Happy, she bounced around in there without a care, and she was so friendly - it was nice, really nice.” She was smiling. Somehow, Reid had missed it. Oh. I misread it. She wasn’t being polite at all. She really did like meeting her. Reid shrugged. “She’s happiest when she’s with her cauldron, as we call it. She’s slightly… Unusual. Fine with us, but other people, not so much. They tend to stir her up and she can be-”

“Unpredictable? I gathered.” Isolde breathed out a laugh.

Reid tutted. “You’re lucky she liked you, she hugged you - anyone else would’ve had a mouthful of questionable powder and dropped like a stone.”

“I think I prefer her to you already. She seems… Fun.”

“I’m pretending I didn’t hear that, let’s see how you feel about my next friend, he’ll only sulk if he misses out on the introductions.”

They were stood in front of a curtain suspended from the ceiling, its tattered edges fluttered with the odd breeze that snuck through the old walls. He tugged it open, gesturing for her to go in. 

He had a feeling she would enjoy this encounter almost as much as the one with Ave.

We’re all interesting characters, in our own ways, and we’re here, together, for a reason. And our next stop might just leave Isolde feeling lighter in the head, among other things.

~ ~ ~

Isolde had surprised herself by feeling so comfortable with at least one person from Reid’s circle of friends already. Ave was… Interesting. She was a world of her own. And she had made her feel welcome, wanted, in their very first encounter. It was nice. It made her want to smile continuously, but fearing a comment from Reid, she checked herself.

She dared to admit she was excited to see who else inhabited this strange place. I hope Ave hasn’t set the bar too high. But I guess all I can do is go on and see. She went through the curtain, which was acting as what she assumed to be an alternative to a door, and into a room which took her breath away.

The square room had to be built with the same stone she’d seen so far, but she couldn’t catch a glimpse of it under the tapestries and paintings that filled every available space, it was cluttered, but beautifully so. Her bare feet no longer felt the temptation to cringe on the floor, her toes sank against a soft, emerald-coloured rug. Have I somehow stepped into the castle? That was how the room felt. Impossibly decadent. 

But the room was empty.

“Where’s the other person?”

“Right here.” A voice responded, behind her. She spun, her feet sliding on the rug, and a pair of arms steadied her. The voice belonged to a grinning man, his pale face framed by untamed, brown curls that reached down to his shoulders, resting on a faded cream shirt that was tucked into a worn pair of grey trousers. The collar of his shirt was undone, giving him a relaxed air, but with an equal amount of self-respect. Isolde felt herself being examined, but not judged, by a curious, brown-eyed stare. Then he extended a hand. “I’m Bast.”

“Bast?” It was an unusual name.

Reid interjected. “It’s short for Bastard.”

The brown eyed-man snorted. “Sebastien. But everyone calls me Bast.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Bast.” She took his hand, gasping as he pulled her in, wrapping an arm around her to hug her. She was flattered by the gesture, until Reid laughed. “She’s got nothing on her Bast, you’re out of luck.”

Bast stepped back, flashing her a charming smile. “Can’t blame a guy for trying. I thought you’d have some jewellery or something stashed in a secret pocket.”

“So, you’re a thief?” She was amused by him.

Reid groaned. “Now you’ve done it.”

Done what? She wondered, then Bast slapped a hand over his heart, swooning. “A thief? A thief? I’m not just any old gutter-sniping thief, I am the greatest in Cindere! Not a soul knows when I’ve struck and-”

“And you’re dreadful at searching for a lady’s pockets.” She dangled a bracelet from her finger, taken from a tiny pocket near her waist, she’d stashed it there the moment one of the dressers had handed it to her. I don’t do jewellery. 

Reid roared with laughter, Bast flushed red. “I-”

“Tiny pocket, easy to miss, not to worry, I believe you.” She nodded toward the walls, which were covered with what she now knew to be his spoils. 

Bast turned to Reid, looking at him accusingly. “Where did you find this delightful breath of fresh air, you didn’t kidnap her did you?”

“Not quite.” Reid smirked at Isolde.

“Well, can we keep her?”

Reid nodded at her. “That’s up to you, it’s your decision ultimately, so why don’t we head back to the door and have a talk?”

A talk? She didn’t enjoy the sound of it, but she followed Reid back through Ave’s laboratory, Bast and Ave moving in tow, until she was back in the small entryway once again. Her eyes wandered to the two other doors. There’s still more for me to see, how much I don’t know, but I’d like to see - after this talk.

“There’s still someone for you to meet, but I figured I might as well clear this up before things go any further.” Reid opened the door back to the courtyard, propping it open with his left arm. “This is your final chance to back out, to walk away. Once this door shuts again, there’s no turning back from this job, from the deal.” Reid’s stare analysed every inch of her, from the windswept strands of her hair to the tiniest of creases in her dress. She felt as though he wanted her to shy away from his gaze, but she had never been one for that, she returned his judgemental look, conveying a bored message in her eyes for the satisfaction of it. His lips twitched, and he nodded at the door.

“Are you staying or running, Isolde?”

Her eyes flitted to the open door. It was inviting, the darkness outside, but she blocked out the call. I was given a task. Failing that ensures death. I’m sure he’s just taking the polite liberty by doing this, offering me this chance. But Isolde couldn’t help but feel off. Something about Reid didn’t sit right with her, and she assumed that was why she had been tasked with watching him, on the King’s behalf.

“We don’t have all day, it’s making quite a draft,” Reid pushed her to make a decision. “I’ll make it easier for you, a count.” He held up his right hand.

Five. 

The temperature in the entryway plummeted with the draft, turning everyone’s breaths into clouds.

Four. One of his fingers went down.

She calmed her mind, sought out one particular feeling and held on to it, making it her everything.

Three. Another finger down.

Isolde knew what she had to do.

Two. Another.

She walked, ducking beneath his arm and wrapped her fingers around the door’s handle, taking a last look at the sky of the world she knew before she closed the door and it became a world she didn’t. She stepped back, slamming the door, right as Reid reached his final count.

“…One.” 

To punctuate his sentence, she flicked a speck of dust from his arm and moved back to her original spot. Everyone was staring at her. She held up her hands. “Why would I run when I can do the chasing?”

[mars101]

Act 1: -> Scene 2: mama got busy

WRITTEN PART -> (0.8) -> more ss after

“soooo… now can you show us?”

the girls had arrived on the island and yin was now bringing the two for a walk along the beach, her hands held onto a diary with a sparkling cover.

“hold on yuna! we've got to at least be away from the docks, the only people who know is us.”

“wait, you didn't tell jay? it's his wedding too”

yin turns around to face the girls while walking backwards in front of them, the diary now clutched close to her chest as they're more farther away from people.

“okay well, i was going to tell him… tomorrow..”

the two scoff in disbelief at yin, “yeah you're going to tell him. when all three of your dads are walking down the damn isle with you.”

“KARINA!”

she throws her hands up in defense, “we know you, just make sure to try.” karina shares a look with yuna.

the bride opens the diary to a bookmarked page and turns it to the girls. “ive already read it once, maybe twice and.. you two can see for yourself.” yin hands over the book to yuna who's eyes start to sparkle in delight before she even started to read. “woah..”

“yin your mom got busy”

karina starts to flip the pages before she's even finished reading one, “twelve whole pages of them??” yuna looks at you with shock and amusment, “filled front to back too” yin shuts her eyes while covering her face, “in detail…”

“our poor baby~”

“i think the boat is still here, lets leave honey”

“i am NOT leaving with you two, you need to stop”

karina takes the diary from yuna and starts to read the first page, “your mom is a fun writer, “july 17th, what a night! last night-” Wait.. your wedding day is the day your mom got knocked up??” yin scratches her head while looking away from the two.

“okay well, i didn't know until i found it.. but it means something right, i thought it did when i saw the date.. which is why i invited all three of them…”

“you keep on acting before thinking.. ok well easy solution to this. first man in is your dad”

yin and yuna cringe at the words “please word that differently, and the first man in does not mean hes the dad, it just matters on which one reaches first”

“yeah so first one in is the dad which is.. lee hyunjae, hes your dad. im betting on it”

“hmmm no, thats not how that works.”

“how would you know yuna?”

“i asked a lot of questions when i was in health class”

yin shakes her head at the two, “whichever one is my dad is the one i feel a connection to, like once i see them i just will know.”

“as if, you find connections in everything.”

“yin, one of these men is your dad, but i just know you will end up feeling connected to all of them.”

yin links her arms with the two as she brings them along towards her mom's hotel on the island, the walk filled with exclamations as they continue to read from the diary.

the building wasn't anything too fancy, it was nice and cozy and brought warmth to the girls every time they visited yin.

“Here come the bridesmaids! Oh look at you three~ So beautiful!”

“mom! oh my god you scared me”

“y/n!”

Yuna and Karina rushed to hug Y/n as she appeared, they shove the diary in Yin's hands as she moves it to behind her back away from her view. The two ease into Y/n's embrace as her hands caress their heads, “Was the ride here alright? Yuna, i know you get seasick.” The two girls are trying to hide smirks and giggles as they look at Y/n after reading her diary.

“awe mama~ i did get a little sick, and it’s yin’s fault” yuna points at yin while clinging onto her mom, her action makes Y/n chuckle. “mom! she literally kept on texting me while i told her to stop. she’s a liar~” Yin pulls Yuna away from Y/n, and she's now caging the girl's arms in a hug, karina joins them, pulling both of them into a hug.

With a soft look in Y/n's eyes at the sight of the three she start to feel a bit sad inside, “The three of you have grown so well, even you Karina despite me meeting you only a few years ago. Oh, I can't believe my baby is getting married~” Her hands rest on Yin's cheeks to kiss her forehead, giggles escaping her lips. “The next ferry's about to arrive. I have to go pick up your aunts.”

synopsis = a day before her wedding day, Yin decides to find her father so he can walk her down the isle, the problem? There's three candidates: Lee Juyeon, Kim Younghoon, and Lee Hyunjae.

last/next

masterlist

taglist:

@boomhoon , @sanasour, @loonaluvz, @jaerisdiction, @cowsmicwu

[cookinguptales]

more personal thoughts again, and under a cut as usual.

because it's the time of year for retrospect, I suppose.

This year, for various reasons, I've had to think a lot about my teenage years. Let's just say that my past has come back to haunt me, and I've had to decide whether or not I consent to be haunted.

It's been worth it, in the end, as many painful things are, but... I'll admit there have been growing pains.

So many people have been looking back on the past in preparation for the new year, and I guess I've just been looking a little bit further than some. For many years, it was easy to hate the person I was as a teen. Like many teenagers, I was kind of annoying. Thought I knew everything. Loved too hard too deeply too often. Was kind of at an 11 at all times.

Trusted some people who I really ought not to have trusted.

And it was easy, honestly, to look back at the me I was back then and disparage her. Oh, look at all the messes she got herself into. Look at all the stupid shit she believed. Look at the people she allowed to hurt her. Look how cringe she was, how mean, how annoying, how impatient. How desperate she was to be loved.

But... I'm 33 now, and this year as I've been forced to really look back on the life I lived back then, I've realized that I've been a grown woman bullying a teenage girl.

Of course I didn't know the things I know now back then. I hadn't had the very painful opportunity to learn them yet. Of course I thought I knew everything. I was in that weird place that teenagers exist in where they know more than people think they do but not as much as they eventually will -- and frankly, I was actually very smart, in retrospect. Of course I was impatient; I was so fucking sick and I had so many responsibilities and so little time in which to accomplish them.

I was such a normal teenager, as far as shittiness goes, and one that was doing her best in what were truly terrible circumstances. I was dealing with housing insecurity, physical and emotional abuse at home, severe medical problems, medical abuse on top of that... And sexual abuse, eventually, once a very unsafe adult realized just how vulnerable I was and was drawn to that. She really delighted in alienating me from my peers even more than I already was, so it's cruel for me to be angry at myself for letting it happen.

(It's strange. Almost every person I've been able to force myself to tell the details of what happened to said, almost to the exact word, "I hate her for what she did to you." And it wasn't until I heard it a few more times this year that I was finally able to realize that for years, the only person I hated for it was myself. She hadn't even let me have that, the ability to hate her for it. She was too good at making me think it was all my own fault. I'm getting better at letting myself feel that anger for it, though. And directing it at the right place for once.)

It's so easy to remember all the times I blew up at people, got in arguments with my friends, said dumb shit, embarrassed myself, hurt those around me. But I've been remembering other things, too, lately. The way I would always invite new students to sit at lunch with us. The way I would make presents for my friends. The way I reached out to other students who I saw were struggling, both emotionally and academically, and the way I tutored the younger kids for hours before and after school. The way I would learn new things, even when I was being encouraged not to. The way I would fight for the rights of others even when I couldn't do it for myself. The way I would try to protect people like I was not being protected myself.

The way that hope and optimism attracted me like a moth to a flame, and how it was the one thing I truly wished I could believe in.

The art I made, the friends I loved, the kindnesses that were important to me... I feel like I can finally acknowledge the life that I breathed back into the world, not just the resources I was sucking up when I breathed in.

I feel so strangely protective over that teenager now, especially because I spent so many years being her biggest detractor. I see that she was just trying her best, and that she had a thousand huge feelings and no good place to put them. She was struggling with ideas that were too big for her, especially because she had no one trusted to guide her through them. She did her best to be kind, but didn't always succeed because none of us can, really. She loved foolishly even as she felt wise because... she was just desperate to find someone who was safe to love, I guess.

And I guess she never really found that.

As an adult, I can see that I wasn't a failure; I was being failed. There was so little safety in my life back then, so how can I be angry with myself for ending up in unsafe situations? How can I be angry with myself for being an abused child when there were adults there who wanted to abuse me? How can I be angry with myself for believing what I'd been taught, what I'd been sabotaged in my attempts to unlearn?

Back then, I was really trying to make sense of the world through the evangelical lens I'd been given, and while I was irritatingly liberal to the adults around me there, I had no way of knowing how truly conservative I was until I got out of that place. I literally just did not know how much of what I'd been taught had been lies until I started being taught the truth. I couldn't exactly unbrainwash myself until I'd found a safe and encouraging space in which to learn.

I remember going to college and saying some dumb shit in class like day one and being so terribly embarrassed when I realized that everyone in that room thought I was an idiot. But I just... made a conscious effort to learn and be better, and I realize now that many people can't bring themselves to do that. I wasn't perfect as a teen (who is?) but I always did my best to grow. To learn better, to be better. To be kinder.

I guess I can look back on the things I suffered now and understand how I dealt with them. And, with very few exceptions, I dealt with them by trying to make sure no one else would ever go through them. I can see the way that I would choose these causes, these battles, these windmills to tilt at and it was just -- that protectiveness, I think, coming out in a new way.

It's always been easier for me to protect others than myself, I think. Easier to extend to grace to others than to myself. I always managed to see others as victims who should be protected, who should be taught, but myself as an idiot who should've known better.

And once I was able to distance myself from my childhood self, that little girl who was being hurt by almost everyone around her, it became easier for me to want to protect her as well. To see her as an imperfect person worthy of love all the same. A person who should've been protected and supported back then. By them and by me.

But... I think I'm just kicking the problem a little ways down the road again. Because even as I wrote the first version of this post, as I wrote a post about how this year has been a journey of looking at my own childhood with clear eyes and realizing I was never as awful as I believed myself to be, I realized that like... I still do it, really.

I still get mad at myself for not being "good" enough. I still get mad at myself for being unable to complete work at the same rate as able-bodied people. I still get mad at myself for making mistakes, for believing things that aren't true, for not knowing everything before even having a chance to learn it. I still feel embarrassingly desperate for affection.

I still get so mad at myself for not being perfect. I feel like I'm never good enough, smart enough, kind enough, patient enough, interesting enough, stable enough, determined enough, productive enough, adult enough. I still tell myself that I'm an idiot for ever believing that someone might love me.

I can forgive my sixteen-year-old self for believing religious propaganda because I'm not that sixteen-year-old anymore. I can forgive my sixteen-year-old self for being awkward with others because I'm not that sixteen-year-old anymore. I can forgive my sixteen-year-old self for falling in love with a sexual predator because I'm not that sixteen-year-old anymore.

I can forgive her because she's not me.

So... I guess it's still a problem for me. Being able to forgive the person I am now for being an imperfect human who makes mistakes sometimes. Who isn't always productive or likable or charitable or kind. Who doesn't get things done on time, who has a messy-ass house, who still has a pile of unmailed Christmas cards near the front door. Who still gets really, really sick. Who will probably have to take medication for pain and for mental illness for the rest of her life.

I think... what helps is still, as ever, externalizing things. I still find it so, so difficult to love myself, so it's difficult to believe that others could, either. So instead of trying to brute force it, instead of just going "well, just love yourself more, you idiot," I think of the ways that... other people don't think of me like that.

My friends are happy to get Christmas cards from me even if they come in January. They like going out with me even if we have to move our plans around for accessibility's sake. They're patient with me and they think I'm kind and they like what I create. They think about me when I'm not there, and it's because they love me, not because they're irritated.

I worked with a new author last year. She was really high-profile, and I was really nervous about it. We were working one-on-one, not through a publisher, so there was really nothing to hide behind. I ended up being late with my edits, and I felt awful about it. Totally embarrassed, guilty. I felt like I'd never be a real adult who could get things done on time, who didn't have to fight both my body and my mind for every. single. win.

I met that author again in a social situation several months ago. I was so afraid that she'd be mad at me, for some reason, but she just told me that she was constantly impressed with how hard I work and how hard I try and how much I want to support the people in my life. She knew how hard it was for me, so she was proud of me for never giving up.

(She's old enough to be my grandmother, so this didn't come off as particularly condescending, lmao.)

idek man. I give myself so little grace that it's impossible for me to imagine others doing it. But... idk, I'm trying harder to do that. Imagine people liking me, caring about me, respecting me artistically and professionally. Like when I say that I have literally been practicing! Like it's a skill to develop! lmao

At the beginning of this year, when I imagined people liking me I felt almost ashamed of myself. Like I was putting people in situations that they'd never want to be in, even mentally. Now... I mean, I still feel silly and kind of dumb, but it's a step up from guilty, like I was insulting a person by imagining them caring for me.

So... going forward into the next year... I'm not going to be making all these big NYR that I'll inevitably mess up and then get mad at myself for. I've spent enough of my life mad at myself for being human and for being hurt after life hurt me.

I just... one NYR I always make is to try one new, fresh thing every week. A new tv show, a new musician, a new book, a new food. Just something totally new to me to keep things fresh and exciting.

(This, I've learned, is good for my depression. Enrichment for the tiger, etc.)

Another NYR I make every year is that every time I talk about how much I didn't enjoy something I consumed, I talk about something else I did enjoy. When a bad thing happens, I try to think about a good one. This helps me balance my negativity with my positivity and prevents me from getting too bogged down.

But... this year I also want to put actual, focused practice into letting people love me. Believing people when they praise me. Imagining people loving me and enjoying me and wanting to be around me. Imagining people enjoying my mind and my heart and even my fuckin ramshackle-ass body.

And... I know this one is less concrete and more of an ongoing battle, but... I want to work on forgiving myself. I want to look at my "crimes" and think of them the way I would if it were my friend, or a stranger, or the child that I once was. Something to fix, perhaps, but not something innate or unforgivable.

idk. I just get so worried about being kind to other people, but I'm such a dick to myself. That seems unfair, and I do want to be a fair person. So I really want to work on that. I don't want to bully anyone, least of all myself.

And I guess I'll just keep making personal posts on tumblr, lmao. (I really do miss journaling communities...) I always worry that I'm oversharing or annoying people or generally being Too Much, but... the way I see it, they're tagged and they're under read mores. People can make their own decisions whether to read them. And, much to my genuine shock, some people have sent me messages for being so open about my thoughts, feelings, and experiences on tumblr.

So I guess I'll keep doing it both for me and for you! And the people who don't like it just don't have to click.

The one piece of advice that's really stayed with me over the years is that... y'know, people like to help you. They like to be empathetic. They like to be patient. So instead of apologizing when you've inconvenienced someone, thank them for that patience, empathy, and help.

Instead of apologizing here for the space I take up, I'll just thank you for giving it to me. And thank you for reading what I write. 💜

Happy New Year, and let's enjoy it with kindness.

[inklessletter]

Let's do this. From questions listing. txmblr co/ post/108795761380/ random-questions (had to alter the url to send) 1,6,9,11,13,14,19,22,24,34,39,44,45,46,47,48,67,71,74,75,76,84,91,99,102,104,105,106,108,109,123,132,133,134,138,145,148,149. Or all of them if you feel adventurous! 🧠🤭

Holy COW NONNIE, you're putting me to work here (my entire fault). Let's go!

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Wanna lick it, but I end up biting it. Everytime.

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. I didn't want to be social during my grandfather's waking, so I dove in the book I was currently reading. It was Bram Stoker's Dracula.

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? I don't know. A lot. (and only one of them was partying, I am not a party person)

11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? Four. (I am not counting my current relationship, eleven years it's far too long to be considered a fling).

13. What is your favorite background noise? Music.

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? Only one. I hope. I don't wanna hurt people.

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? I wish. Well, no, wait. Not professionally I have done my things with ukulele and kalimba. And a little bit of piano when I was a child.

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? Trust the process.

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Music, singing my heart out and drawing. Simultaneously. Or a good cry (often simultaneously, too).

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Either Kingdom Hearts or The Last Airbender's world. I would go to Hawkins to give Steve a high five, but I wouldn't stay (maybe I would try to bring him back to the future with me).

39. Name the last book you read. 'A court of thorns and roses'.

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? Yes, and every step I took to get here, even the mistakes.

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? Not everytime, but I try to keep that positivity frequent.

46. When was the last time you cried? Last Tuesday night, when my dog got sick and I didn't know what to do to make him feel better. It broke my heart.

47. What are you scared of? Butteflies, depth of the sea (thalassofobia), and on a more trascendental side, I'm terrified of not being enough for the people I love.

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? Oh holy shit. I kind of sang in my highschool graduation a very inappropriate song that was a hit back a the time. To the date, my fiancé just doesn't know which song it was. Top secret thing. God, the embarrassment.

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? The Little Mermaid, and it would be Ariel.

71. What scares you most about the future? In a personal level, pregnancy and losing people.

74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? Getting back to drawing (yay me!). (I'm already telling you that next year's is going to be making a living out of it.)

75. What is your life story in 6 words? So she decided to trust herself.

76. Describe yourself in one word. Summer.

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. My fiancé and my parents.

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? My worst memory is from last year, when someone who I cared about deeply and thought they were a friend publicly humilliated me using every bit of knowledge they had about me against me, to break me in purpose. They succeeded.

99. What languages can you speak? Spanish and English.

102. What ended your last relationship? I wasn't enough.

104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? I want to shout to warn someone and no one listens to me, because I can't speak, or I'm invisible. It's a recurrent nightmare but I haven't had those in a while.

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Last year, when I started to heal from what I explained in 91. I got furious when I understood that I didn't deserve that shit (because, oh, they made me believe for a second that I did.)

106. What was the last friendship you broke? See 91.

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? My fiancé, before he left for work.

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? I haven't been unstressed since 2020. But I guess the last time that it got really bad was last February when I had a panic attack at work in front of my boss (was embarrassing, really).

123. What is your morning routine? Breakfast with my dog (coffee, a toast with butter, a piece of fruit, and a carrot for him). Then brush my teeth, make up, off to work.

132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow? Go with the flow unless something inside you tells you to turn away or it feels dangerous. If going with the flow means leaving your comfort zone and you're not ready for it, then don't do it. But if it feels like it's time, or might be fun, give it a shot. (PLEASE READ THIS ALWAYS IN A SAFE ENVIRONMENT)

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? I like listening more than talking (which might sound silly and dishonest since I'm talking A LOT in this post).

134. When is it time to end a friendship? When you can't trust that person anymore, or it is harming you to keep that friendship alive. Distancing is normal, people change, goes different ways. But keeping someone in your life when you know that they're bad for you is a mistake, in my experience, at least.

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Last Friday, with my mom.

145. What is your opinion on second chances? I believe in second chances, but in certain situations and environments. I believe in second chances when they've learned their lesson and changed, and worked for it. I don't believe in second chances when the differences between both parties are irredeemable. Second chances are asking for flexibility, and that should come both ways.

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? Buy that tablet. Now.

149. How organized are you? I am a mess of a person (but I try not to).

-- If you want to play this little game, go ahead and send an ask!

[0isms]

“Well, my hands and back do hurt sometimes, so maybe I’ll give yoga a try….” Although he knew he would suck ass at it. Yeah no, he wasn’t flexible at all, or athletic, for that matter — unless there’s something chasing him. Then he sure can run. If he were to try yoga though, he’d have to do it in a private place. Some of the positions seemed… embarrassing. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure how that would bring him clarity, but can’t knock it before he gives it a try, right?

At her question, the mechanic looked considerably puzzled, reaching up to scratch his neck in confusion. “W-we shouldn’t? But like… it kind of does define us, doesn’t it? To other people, I mean.” Plus, even in regards to what he enjoys… “And… I do like working with machines. I um, can’t really think of anything I like more than that, really.” He took a moment to really think about it, racking his brain. Wow, this was hard. “Other than being a mechanic, I uh, like looking after kids that swing by back home? That doesn’t really… bring me confidence, though. It’s actually the opposite. When it comes to kids, you just can’t help but constantly worry if you’re doing or saying the best thing for them. It’s hard to figure stuff like that out… and a bunch of them are just little rascals that constantly make fun of you…” A little curious, he glanced at the other. “Did you um, ever go through that, Sonia-san? Like, having to babysit some kids.”

Seeing the other pack her stuff up, he immediately had the instinct to offer to help, but held back. Right. She didn’t want him to treat her like a princess. He really needed to understand that already. It was getting to a point where it made him feel sick in the stomach when he did something like this, knowing it would make the princess feel like an outlier. The fact that he caught himself this time relieved him, though.

Only to be sent into panic at the princess’ suggestion. “N-no! No! You don’t need to er, fuck something up just for me to… d-drop the ‘Miss’ thing… I promise I’ll try my hardest to never use it ever again!! I’m… getting better at it, recently, so… you know…” He shifted from one foot to another. “W-which is why, I… I was planning to avoid you for a bit. D-don’t get me wrong!! I’d love to spend some time with you! Er, uh, I-I mean… l-like um, frie… friends do.” He was trying so hard not to cringe at himself right now. His hands went fiddle with his zipper, voice gradually getting lower. “I just, I… don’t want to end up blurting something that might… hurt you.”

Like he did last time. It was technically his fault they got in trouble for suggesting to have a water fight in the kitchen — which, in hindsight, was a pretty stupid idea. The things he told the princess before they got found out made it even worse… Ugh, it was so frustrating. He really wanted to make it up for her, but every time he tries that it just backfires, and now she was trying to help him…

He wished he had some kind of mentor to guide him through this…

He didn't find her frightening? He could have fooled her: any time she so much narrowed her eyes in his direction, he seemed on the precipice of a full-blown panic. Maybe she should've used 'intimidating' instead, but either way it led to the same conclusion: how on edge he was in her presence. As if she were living centuries ago amongst her ancestors, when they still sentenced criminals and other treasonous individuals with beheading.

Nowadays, it was lethal injection or firing squad if someone was sentenced to death. Far more humane, in Sonia's opinion.

"Well, I do not exactly condone lying myself," She admitted, wondering how best to phrase what she needed to: that to survive in life, one needed to embrace the grey area between black and white. "But sometimes, you must consider what is best for everyone involved. And that blunt honesty can, at times, be more harmful than good. The challenge is discerning what is the most appropriate course of action for any situation."

In her case, it was helping Kazuichi to his feet. Gripping his hand in hers and pulling him upright, Sonia realized, in the time she'd spent with him since he'd pledged to treat her as a person rather than a princess, that she didn't hate him. It was an awkward sort of friendship, one that she didn't even feel she could be wholly comfortable in. Not because of the way he looked at her, but because she could not help but pity him. When he fumbled over his words, when he tripped, when he made a complete fool of himself in her company.

And true friendship, she knew, was not built upon pity. It was built upon common ground and understanding and support, the sort of equal standing that came with an amount of self-assurance. That was why she wanted to help him find his: it was the best chance they had in becoming real friends.

"You have not?" She asked once she'd let go, offering him an encouraging smile. "It is not easy, especially at first when you are not accustomed to moving, bending, and holding your body a certain way and breathing evenly throughout. It can bring soreness and mild discomfort, but it can also bring a sense of clarity and resonance with your body and mind. You stand taller and everything feels lighter, and as it should be. Or it does for me, at least."

She'd forgotten to explain one key part in all of this: linking one's confidence to their vocation, their talent, was a perilous decision. Sonia shook her head at his explanation of his talent and his proficiency in it. "I do not mean feeling confident in your mechanic skills, or rather, the career you will presumably pursue one day. Because we should not be defined by our talents, just as we should not be defined by our looks or wealth or anything else that could be fleeting. I think, perhaps, a confidence in something that brings you pleasure simply because you enjoy it. Not because it must support you in some way, that might help you find your confidence. What do you like, besides being a mechanic?"

Sonia had half a mind to tell him that everyone 'messed up a lot,' including her, but she doubted if Kazuichi would even believe her beyond the odd mixup of words due to not being a native Japanese speaker. She did understand when he slipped back into his old speech patterns, but instead of a quick verbal admonishment of his behavior, she simply waved it off with her hand. He clearly didn't intend to call her 'Miss Sonia' this time.

"I do," She nodded, striding to where the laptop lay across the room. She closed the lid before proceeding to roll up her yoga mat. Stuffing the block, mat, and computer into a tote bag, she sat and put on her tennis shoes. "And I think you will either have to find your confidence in a worthwhile pursuit or I will have to completely fuck up something in my life for you to never again wish to call me 'Miss Sonia.' Or both!" She chuckled at the thought. "I wonder what would spur the latter? We could talk about it over breakfast, if you like: I think the cafeteria is just opening, and I doubt anyone else would be awake this early to be there besides us. What do you think?"

[dainesanddaffodils]

Friends, Romans, Countrymen. I did it. 

I rewatched Strange Magic late last night on a whim.

It’s been, as far as I can determine, at least four years since I had last seen this movie. Probably closer to five. It’s been. A Minute. And I was so horribly worried that I would find all of its faults far more glaring than I had when it first consumed my life back in 2015. That I wouldn’t find the magic in it the way I did before. 

I was both right and wrong. 

I did, indeed, find some things more flawed, to the point of genuinely cringing in a couple places. However, I also came out remembering exactly why this movie captivated me for as long as it did.

I’m going to ramble in more detail about both things, if you’re so inclined to read more.

Things I found as bad or worse this time around:

The pacing. Dear lord, the pacing of this movie is a fucking trainwreck. I knew it the first time I watched it and it was the one critique I would always agree with. It’s just, it’s so bad. I can’t even tell you how I’d fix it but it just. It needs an overhaul please. 

Like, in my memory it was just the first half that was paced poorly. Once you got into the second half, things improved. 

My memory was wrong. It’s a mess the whole way through.

Tragically, Griselda. I always found her character a little grating but at least sort of endearing...  but it has. gotten worse. The matchmaking was only good in providing the backdrop for Bog and Marianne to rant about how much they hate romance but every other scene with it made me feel like Bog must. I lowkey wanted to put my head through a wall. 

Plum, too, was a little more annoying than I remembered. In general the whole “Love is Strange” scene is probably the one I struggled with the most on this rewatch. 

The kaleidoscope bit at the end. Which again, I was always kinda... unsure about but like, everything else about the ending is so good and then that just really. throws the whole groove off and it’s sad. 

Also, I wouldn’t necessarily call it bad but like, all of Bog’s scenes in the first half of the movie are so melodramatic and I know that’s the point but I was still like ‘christ my dude we get it you’re ~evil~ now please chill for five seconds’ 

- and that’s really it. All told, while these were definitely more noticeable faults upon watching this movie again, I don’t think they were enough to truly hamper my enjoyment of the rest of it.

Speaking of...

Things I found as good or better this time around: 

Marianne. My beloved punk rock fairy princess. I absolutely adore how three-dimensional she is as a character. They give her the whole badass makeover training sequence and then spend the rest of the movie showing you its cracks. Showing you that she never fully outgrew the romantic she was at heart. She was just scared of letting people see that side of her after being hurt. She’s bitter and angry and touch-starved and sympathetic and caring and she’s allowed to be all of these things and none of them contradict each other. 

Marianne and Dawn’s relationship. Holy shit I forgot how good that was. We see only glimpses of it but every single one of them is perfection and so realistic. This is how sisters behave. They drive each other crazy and point out each other’s faults and make each other want to tear their hair out and if anyone hurt them there would be hell to pay. All of their conversations feel so... grounded in reality for a fairy rock opera musical. 

On that note, a lot of the dialogue is just, well delivered and sounds incredibly natural. It took me by surprise. 

Sunny! Sunny also surprised me with how much I liked him. His humor is one of the things that has aged the best in this movie and I really enjoyed his character. You can really see how he is a good guy who was just, very easily manipulated and spends the rest of the movie trying to fix his fuck-up. 

The singing. Similar to my point about line delivery, the... way the characters sing in this movie is really well done. I don’t know how to explain it but the way they use songs in this movie really feels like they’re using it as dialogue. Like, there’s plenty of meta jokes about people breaking into song but it also feels like it’s a natural part of this world. People just sing their feelings here, and it feels believable. It’s fascinating. 

 The animation - specifically the character animation. (Like, the movie has gorgeous background shots, we all know this.) I won’t deny that the detail in the faces gets uncanny valley in places but it’s worth it for the expressiveness that it allows. There are so many incredible face journeys, so many subtle shifts in body language, so much that gets to be said without words - either spoken or sung - and it’s just as good as I remember it.

Speaking of things that are just as good as I remember. Yeah, you guessed it. 

Bog and Marianne’s relationship is still just, top fucking tier. 

Like, it goes back to what I said about expressiveness in the animation. I remembered the big things about these two. I remembered the sword fight flirting; I remembered the ranting about hating love together; I remembered the declaration of love at the end set to “Wild Thing” which perfectly encapsulated their personalities. 

I had forgotten how much of their relationship is progressed through small gestures and lingering looks. Things like Bog leaving his staff behind after their fight, and later returning her sword to her - both shows of trust and respect that Marianne is clearly unused to. Things like the way he looks at her throughout the entire “Strange Magic” sequence as he shows her his home and hopes she’ll find beauty in it. Things like the whole face journey she goes through when it’s revealed he survived his castle collapsing, realizing that she loves him. Things like how you can see on their faces that they’re constantly torn between hope and absolute terror at their growing feelings for each other. 

All of these things are done wordlessly and it’s very well done.

(also man, having re-read a bunch of my fics ahead of this I was kind of like ‘wow a through-line throughout all of this is Bog being just, like, absolutely whipped by Marianne from the start’ and friends, upon rewatch it hit me that that was not just some romance novel tropes sneaking into fic - I took that shit straight from the source. My goblin man really was enamored with her INSTANTLY. It was fucking hilarious.)

- 

Anyway, thanks for coming along with me for this journey. I came out of it just kind of accepting, yeah, this is not what I would call a Good Movie. But it gave me so many things that I loved, and still love, and really, that’s what matters. 

Also now I wanna fucking draw fanart again. That’s wild. 

[nobodyfamousposts]

Hey nobody, quick question: in your opinion what’s the worst problem in ml? The consistency, the zodiac's existence or the contrasting informations? Personally my bigger cons are the zodiac since they make everything so DAMN EASY to deal with. Like just a few minutes of Bunny and Horse can easily take the miraculous back before Origins even started. Which to me is weirder than the Agreste's drama not really been EXPLAINED.

I'd say it's the laziness and lack of commitment.

Miraculous is a case of a story with a lot of really good ideas and a lot of potential that could be born of those ideas, but it's undermined by a lack of capability to use those ideas well or follow through with them.

They give "powers" through potions that amount to little more than costume changes and only use three out of the seven in the three seasons they are known to exist.

They have 15 other Miraculous the heroes have access to (with many of which that are substantially more powerful and useful than the Big Two) and don't use them.

Dual wielding is an option but they insist on calling in civilians as allies to help even though by all counts, those allies have no training or fighting experience and are CHILDREN which would make them heavily handicapped compared to any adult that could have been grabbed to help out.

They have Kagami and Luka as legitimate love interests but have each of them break up in the only episodes that allow any focus on their dating.

They have Lila as an adversary but force everyone to be stupid to make her work, and then sort of have her just disappear for a season after each time she manages something serious.

They have Chloe zig-zagging between bully/rival character and hero-in-the-making but can't commit to either interpretation. They have her be an unrepentant bully but make the lesson of the episode be that calling her out or holding her accountable is wrong, then turn round and have her be a sad girl with mommy issues but she does really lousy things that show she's in no way a good person.

And on top of that, they have Chloe's mother be an even worse person than Chloe who doesn't love Chloe and is her Freudian excuse as to why she's so horrible, going so far as to have Chloe call her out and ask why she doesn't love her...only to about-face seconds later and have her and Chloe suddenly get along and all follow up episodes make her Chloe's staunch defender like there weren't years worth of issues between them.

Marinette moves on from Adrien only to about face by the next episode and in ever more cringe-inducing ways.

Adrien continuously prioritizes his feelings over the responsibility he was given the Miraculous for and this is never acknowledged or addressed.

They show Adrien having issues all throughout season four in there being heroes besides him helping Ladybug, but he doesn't have any growth in this regard at any point and the one episode that involves a moral about working as a team and that it can't always just be the two of them (Penalteam), the lesson ends up going to Ladybug, the one person who has all this time been doing nothing BUT acknowledging when she needs help and working with other people as a team. Meanwhile, Chat is supposed to be the sensible/rational team player after having been a brat all season about other heroes helping out. And we're not supposed to find this jarring?

The over reliance of the "rule" that "Marinette is always wrong and must learn a lesson every episode" that prevents anyone else from getting growth or recognizing their faults.

This all ultimately leads to wasted potential, which is perhaps the thing I hate most when it comes to a story.

Wasted potential of characters that COULD get focus but don't. Wasted potential of lessons that COULD have been done appropriately but aren't. Wasted potential of growth or regression that COULD have been accomplished but won't be. All wasted in favor of the same "comedy" of a lovesick girl chasing about an oblivious boy. For four seasons.

Then there's the wasted potential of magic and lore and world building. The wasted potential of relative intelligence of the characters. The wasted potential of anything that could make this world truly seem like it's supposed to be real.

There is so much wasted potential of the narrative and conflict that could have played out with intrigue and plot as the heroes and villains actually try to plan around and out gambit each other. Where the heroes try to find the villain while the villain also tries to find the heroes. Where they try to stop his plans but he has layers of plans so even if he loses the day, he makes little gains over time.

And wasted potential of a plot and conflict that, much like any conflict, should NOT BE STATIC. No conflict is just the same thing over and over! Going on four seasons now and the episodes are still following the same basic formula of Hawk Moth sends out a monster, heroes defeat the monster, everything goes back to normal and the heroes don't take any further steps while the villain is ineffectual in making progress towards his own goals because Status Quo is God.

But here's the thing: if you have a "status quo" in a superhero story, you're doing it wrong.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Another idea for nightnurse!reader is Jason finds her brother (assuming you didn’t plan that to be a lie) and plans to scare him into leaving reader alone, but brother in such bad shape Jason gets him help instead

Jason's first memories were smells. Old garbage. Piss. Asphalt. Ancient beer dribbled out of crushed cans onto carpet. And cinnamon. From the candles his mother lit trying to make anything smell nice.

And every time he stalked the alleyways of Gotham, it was both bittersweet and home. Feelings he tried to shove out of the way. To keep in the disorganized corner of his mind where he kept things he didn't want to examine. Usually, it worked.

But not tonight.

As he stalked the streets, he turned a puzzle over in his mind. Discordant pieces. Things that looked like they fit and didn't. He was a detective. It came second nature. But looking at them- he realized how much he didn't know.

About you.

He knew you were no stranger to violence. Or drugs. Or pain. He knew you were cool under pressure. Caring. Compassionate. But- how had you gotten there?

There was a father listed on your birth certificate but that had been a dead end. The man had been dead for 10 years in a car accident. And your mother was alive but in jail, spending most of her time in solitary. So that left the brother. The one that cracked you in the face. The one that didn't, as far as Jason knew, know where you lived.

All his intel said he usually slept around here- in the illegal loft housing near the docks. So he should be here. Somewhere. His eyes narrowed and he scanned the dark places, looking for a heat signature.

If it hadn't been for the giggles of a couple working girls, he might have never found him. Filthy and taking a syringe from one of them, Jason cringed. "Alex!"

His bark sent the girls running and he let them go, watching as the kid swore and screamed after them. "God fucking damn it!" he growled pounding his fist against the brick of the building he was leaning on, "You got a fucking problem, man?"

"You Y/n's brother?" Jason asked, stepping out of the shadows, folding his arms.

"What of it," he said, holding his hands up when he realized the Red Hood was staring at him.

"You like smacking her around?" Jason challenged, teeth clenched, "You like-"

"She wouldn't give me any money," Alex snapped. "Told me she'd give me something to eat. Put me up in a motel for the night but the fucking cunt-"

Crack.

Before Alex could finish his tirade, Jason grabbed him by the front of his reeking sweater and shoved him against the wall, letting his head hit the brick. "You have two choices," Jason said, his voice dangerously soft, "You come with me and check yourself in for 60 days OR I take you to the GCPD and let them sort you out- either way. You ever put hands on your sister again and I'll snap your neck."

"What the fuck man," he whined, "All I wanted was money. She has-"

"Two. Choices." Jason ground out.

"The fuck?" The kid growled. "Take me to jail. I ain't sitting in a circle talking about shit man. The fuck does it matter-" He broke off and glared at Jason, "You fucking her or something?" he scoffed. "What's she owe you?"

"Jail it is," Jason said levelly, Dropping Alex and letting him fall in a heap on the ground.

"What fucking for?" he snorted.

"Solicitation, possession, battery, being a pain in the fucking ass-"

"Better than 60 days listening to people cry about their mommy issues," he said.

"Alex-"

"Fuck you man," he spat, "Just because you're fucking my sister doesn't mean you know shit. She owes me. It's her fucking fault."

"That you're living on the street and smell like piss?"

"It's all her fault," he said scowling. "Miss fucking perfect."

Jason frowned and typed out a message to Oracle. "Yeah. It's totally Y/N's fault. What, did she do better on the spelling tests or something? Get a little jealous, did we?"

"Ask her what she did," he growled. "Ask her why our mom is in jail."