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misnomera · 4 years ago

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On racial stereotyping of the Haans in TMA...

Right so as someone who is ethnically Chinese I have NO FUCKING clue how I didn’t notice this more distinctly in my initial binge of tma (going too fast and not paying closer attention to character names and descriptions, probably) but the Haan family storyline is, all horror elements aside, pretty fucked up in terms of racial representation re: stereotyping. This got long as hell, but please please please take a moment to read through if you’ve got time for it. thanks.

To start off, the Haans are one of the few characters in tma with an explicitly specified race and ethnicity—Chinese—and pretty much the only explicitly Chinese characters in tma, other than the mostly unimportant librarian (Zhang Xiaoling) from Beijing. But like, Haan isn’t even a properly Chinese surname, at least not in the way that it’s spelled in canon (it should be Han, one a. A quick google search tells me that Haan as a surname has...Dutch origins??).

Of course, that could be chalked up to shoddy anglicization processes within family histories, which certainly isn’t uncommon with immigrant families, so I’m not going to dwell on names too much (although I also find it interesting that John Haan’s name is so specifically and weirdly anglicized that he changed his own surname?? Hun Yung to John Haan is a very big leap of a name change and frankly not very believable. ANYWAY, this is not that important. I don’t expect Jonny, a white Englishman, to come up with perfectly unquestionable non-Cho-Chang-like Chinese names, though it certainly would be nice. Moving on).

What really bothers me about the Haans is how they almost exclusively and explicitly play into negative Chinese immigrant stereotypes. I don’t even feel like I need to say it because it’s like...it’s literally Right There, folks. John Haan (in ep 72) owns and operates a sketchy takeout restaurant. They’re all avatars of the Flesh—and John Haan is Specifically horrific and terrifying because he cooked his wife’s human meat and fed it to his unknowing customers. Does that remind you of any stereotypes which accuse Chinese people of consuming societally unacceptable and ethically questionable things like dog/cat/bat meat (which, if it’s not already crystal fucking clear, we don’t. do that.), which in turn characterize us as horrible unfeeling monsters? John Haan’s characterization feeds (haha, badum tss) directly into this harmful stereotype that have caused very real pain for Chinese people and East Asians in general.

And Jonny does nothing to address that from within his writing (and not out of it either). And, speaking on a more meta level, Jonny could’ve easily had these flesh avatars be individuals of any race (like, what’s Jared Hopworth’s ethnicity? Do we know? No? Well then). Conversely, he could’ve easily, easily had a Chinese person be an avatar of any other entity. So why did he have to chose specifically the Flesh?

(This is a rhetorical question. You know why. Racial stereotyping and invoking a fear of the other in an attempt to enhance horror, babey~)

On Tom Haan’s side, Jonny seems weirdly intent on having other characters repeatedly comment on his accent (or rather, lack thereof) in relation to his race. Think about how, in ep 30 (killing floor), the fact that Tom Haan had spoken a line to the statement giver in “perfect English” was an emphasized beat in that statement, and a beat that was supposed to be “chilling” and meant to signify to us that something was, quote-unquote, “not right” with Tom Haan. Implicitly, that’s saying that it was unexpected, not “normal”, and in this case even eerie, for someone who looks Chinese to have spoken in fluid, unbroken English. Mind you, the line itself was perfectly scary on its own (“you cannot stop the slaughter by closing the door”), so why did Jonny feel the need to note the accent in which it was spoken in? Why did Jonny HAVE to have that statement giver note, that he initially “wasn’t even sure how much English [Haan] spoke”?

This happens again in episode 72 with a Chinese man (and again, his ethnicity is Explicitly Noted) who we assume is also Tom Haan. This one is rather ironically funny and kind of painfully self aware, because the statement giver expresses surprise at Haan’s “crisp RP accent” and then immediately “felt bad about making the assumption that he couldn’t speak English,” and subsequently admitted that thought was “low-key racist.” Like, from a writing perspective, this entire passage is roundabout, pointless, and says absolutely nothing helpful to enhance the horror genre experience for listeners (instead it just sounded like some sort of half-assed excuse so Jonny or other listeners could say “look! We’ve addressed the racism!” You didn’t. It just made me vaguely uncomfortable). And again, having other people comment on our accents/lack thereof while assuming we are foreign is a Very Real microaggression that east asians face on the daily. If Jonny needed some filler sentences for pacing he could’ve written about Literally anything else. So why point out, yet again, that the crazy murderous man was foreign and Chinese?

At this point, you might say, right, but yknow, it was just that the statement givers were kind of racist! It happens! Yeah sure, ok, that’s a passable in-universe explanation for descriptions of Tom Haan (though not John Haan, mind you), but the statement givers are fake made up people, and statement’s still written by Jonny, who absolutely has all the power to write overt discrimination out of his stories. And he does! Think about just how many minor (and major!!) characters are so, so carefully written as completely aracial, and do not have their ethnicity implicated at all in whatever horrors they may or may not be committing. Think about how many lgbtq+ characters have given statements, and have been in statements, without having faced direct forms of discrimination, or portrayed as embodying blatant stereotypes in their stories (though lgbtq+ rep in tma certainly has their own issues that I won’t go into here). Jonny can clearly write characters this way, and he can do it well. So why, why, am I being constantly, repeatedly reminded in-text of the fact that the Haans are East Asian, that they’re from China, that they’re Chinese immigrants, that they’re second-generation British Chinese or whatever the fuck, and that they’re also horrifying conduits for blood, gore, and general fucked-up-ness? It’s absolutely not something that is Needed for the stories to be an effective piece of horror; the only thing it does is perpetuate incredibly harmful and hurtful stereotypes.

And listen, I love tma to bits. It’s taken over my blog. I’ve really loved my interactions with the fandom. And I am consistently blown away by Jonny’s writing and how well he’s able to weave foreshadowing and plot into an incredibly complex collection of stories. But I absolutely Cannot stop thinking about the Haans because it’s just. It’s such a blatant display of racial stereotyping in writing. And I’ve certainly seen a few voices talking about it here and there, and I don’t know if I’m just not looking in the right places, but it certainly feels like something that is just straight up not on the radar for a lot of tma fans. And I’m disappointed about that.

Just, I don’t know. Take a look at those episodes again and do some of your own thinking about why these characters had to be specifically Chinese (answer: they didn’t.). And in general, PLEASE for the love of god turn a critical eye on character portrayals and descriptions whenever they are assigned specific races/ethnicities (Some examples that come to mind are Jude Perry, Annabelle Cane, and Diego Molina), because similar issues, to an extent, extend beyond the Haans, though I haven’t covered them here.

You shouldn’t need a POC to do point out these problems for you when they’re so glaringly There. But for those of you who really didn’t know, hope this was informative in some way. I’m tired, man. If some of the only significant Chinese characters you write are violent cannibalistic men with a perverted relationship with meat, just don’t do it. Please don’t do it.

EDIT: Since the making of this post Jonny has acknowledged and apologized for these portrayals on his twitter and in the Rusty Quill Operations Update, which went up September 2020. A long time coming, but better late than never. This of course doesn’t necessarily negate the harm done by Jonny’s writing, and doesn’t make me much less angry about it, but is appreciated nonetheless. For more on this topic there’s a lot of productive discussions happening in my “#tma crit” tag and in the notes of this post

#tma #the magnus archives #magnuspod #tma 30 #tma 72 #tma crit #racism #sinophobia #racist stereotyping #tw cannibalism #tw violence #long post #tom haan #john haan

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namethat-i-oughttohavetoldyou · 3 years ago

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Habitual Gestures

Some Mungoteazer shenanigans for @0zzysaurus! Unfortunately this got a lot more plot-heavy (not really, but yknow) than shippy, I hope you can forgive me :’D It seems that I am absolutely unable to write in some random humans without giving them some soft scenes. Oh well. Also, there are some suggestive mentions in here, but nothing explicit happens. Just some euphemisms. All my love to those who read/like/reblog and enjoy!

The ceramic bowl was prodded by a black paw, and Mungojerrie gave a confused meow at the sight of its contents.

“Dry food,” Rumpleteazer said, aghast. “On a Sunday!”

She reached for the skirt of the cook with a begging paw. Mungojerrie in the meantime tipped the bowl a little on its side and let go, producing a loud bang noise from the ceramic hitting the tiles. His ears pricked and he repeated this action a few more times.

“Now, now,” the cook scolded, stooping to detach Rumpleteazer’s claws from her skirt. “Stop your warbling and say your little prayer, be a good kitty!”

“Meeaaaaawrow”, Rumpleteazer answered (at least to the ears of the cook; her actual words shall not be repeated), obviously unwilling to obey.

“Maybe we have to change brands again… spoiled little beasts,” the cook grumbled, scratched Rumpleteazer behind the ears and left them to it.

Mungojerrie commented their plight with another mournful wail, but it was no use. The wet food stayed safe and sound where-ever it had been hidden, and they felt far too hungry and neglected to search for it or smash a few wine glasses in protest. Instead, they tipped the bowl over and slunk off to the attic.

“We ought to move out,” Mungojerrie lamented, falling dramatically on a dusty armchair. “We’d never be treated like this on the junkyard.”

“It’s not even half as draughty here, though,” Rumpleteazer sighed, leafing through an old newspaper and drawing moustaches on every human who didn’t have one yet with an ink pen she’d stolen from the study. “I couldn’t bear having to sleep there every night. I don’t know how they do it.”

“Well, if it gets too draughty, they can move to the house of the guardsmen, I suppose. On the other hand, it’s draughty in there, too…”

“We should move into the nursery when we’re there next time,” Rumpleteazer suggested wisely, jumping up on the armchair and sitting on Mungojerrie’s lap. “Or with Munkustrap. Either way, with so much fluff, we won’t even notice the wind.”

“True,” Mungojerrie admitted, but then he frowned. Rumpleteazer didn’t like that. She began to groom his face.

“We’d have to help Munkustrap out with his play if we stayed with him, surely. And I haven’t really practised my lines yet…”

“Then why don’t you start practising? I know it’s not very exciting, but-”

“Au contraire, Madam Teazer.” Mungojerrie wrapped his arms around her and sat up as much as he could, eyes alight. Rumpleteazer couldn’t help but kiss his excited expression.

“My ears start twitching and my tail won’t stay still if I only think of the play! And am I ever so excited about having been trusted with a lead role.”

Figures, Rumpleteazer thought with a fond eyeroll. Toms. They loved superheroes.

“But I admit that I might be too excited,” Mungojerrie continued, “because I never remember my lines. And I can’t really start singing something else instead, as everyone always suggests to me, because some old poll’ wouldn’t sing ‘Twinkle twinkle little dot’ in the heat of the moment. That would destroy the atmosphere, y’know?”

Rumpleteazer had been distracted by a dust bunny about half-way through his monologue, so she gave a vague hum in response.

Mungojerrie took her head between his paws and pressed their noses together. “Help me practise, please?”

“Certainly,” Rumpleteazer replied, and ten seconds later they both balanced a dustpan and its accompanying sweeper on their heads, in lieu of their dog costumes that were safely stored somewhere in Jellylorum’s den.

They shoved a stack of puzzle cartons off a cupboard to represent Munkustrap standing between them, then Rumpleteazer counted them in.

“Five, six, seven, eight!”

“…”

“What are we waiting for?”

“Well, you have to bark first.”

“Do I?”

“I’m sure.”

“Oh, alright.”

Mungojerrie barked, a truly terrible sound coming from a cat, in fact so utterly terrible that Rumpleteazer burst into pealing laughter.

“Oh, come on now, you know I haven’t practised yet,” Mungojerrie complained, crossing his arms and pouting, dustpan slipping down.

“I’m sorry,” Rumpleteazer gasped and doubled over.

Mungojerrie waited a few minutes, then he readjusted his dustpan and went into position again. “Are you done now?”

“Yeah, yeah. Five, six, seven, eigh-”

“Mee-WAK!”

This time, Rumpleteazer rolled into the stack of puzzle cartons, screeching with laughter. The stack collapsed, thousands of puzzle pieces covered the floor, and Mungojerrie gave up and jumped into the pile as well. His dustpan went flying with the momentum and sailed over the cupboard, knocking the rest of the puzzle cartons clean off. Within seconds, both Cats (and a sweeper) were buried in pieces from at least 30 puzzle sets.

“We should practise more often,” Mungojerrie commented a few minutes later, after they had emerged from the pile and were now batting the pieces back and forth, observing the delightful chaos around them.

Rumpleteazer chewed on a puzzle piece, grimaced and spat it out. “Agreed. Also, since I haven’t really trained my abs today, lets keep practising how to bark. At least we’ll have something to show off when we see Munk the next time.”

Mungojerrie thought that to be a grand idea, so he gave his best attempt at a power stance, paws slipping on the puzzle-covered floor, pulled a sinister face, thought of the Rottweiler in the backyard of the local butcher and gave it his all.

Rumpleteazer was in tears in a matter of moments, desperately heaving for air in-between bouts of uproarious laughter.

They made so much noise that the family downstairs grew concerned.

“Oh, Arthur, please go upstairs and check what they’re doing,” the lady of the house instructed their butler. She worried her silk scarf, clutching her pearls whenever a particularly hair-raising noise rang out. “Maybe they’ve eaten the rat poison and are in agony or dying! I knew we should have given them wet food today, oh my, oh my.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Arthur the butler said tiredly, slowly climbing up the stairs and the rickety ladder, his old joints creaking.

The blood-curdling noises only grew louder the closer he came to the carnage that had once been an orderly stack of puzzle cartons, and Arthur breathed a sigh of relief when he came face to face with two tiger-striped cats staring at him with outrage, neither dying nor in agony. The way they were positioned gave him a very clear idea of what they had been doing.

“Here, kitty kitty,” he murmured tenderly, grabbed them by their scruffs and set them on his arm. “Now look at the mess you’ve made! You should be ashamed of yourselves. The young master will need days to sort them!”

The cat on the right blinked at him very slowly, and Arthur had to admit that they probably couldn’t care less. Oh, to be a cat, he thought.

“Now, do keep your urges in check when you’re on unsteady ground, hm? We wouldn’t want you to hurt yourselves.”

Rumpleteazer hissed and Mungojerrie puffed up his fur indignantly. “Urges?!”

Arthur set them down again in front of the attic door, too old to carry them all the way downstairs. “Run along now, kitty cats.” With that, he locked the door behind him and made his way back down the ladder.

The two cats stared at each other for a little while longer, then they groomed their forepaws and yawned a few times in embarrassment.

“Rude,” Mungojerrie grumbled as they jumped down the ladder and slid down the stair railing on their bellies.

Halfway down the stairs, a truly marvellous scent rose to their noses – roast!

“Do you smell that, Jerrie?”

“I do! Oh Teazer, our Sunday is saved!”

They made a beeline for the kitchen, tails raised high and mouths open to catch as much of the heavenly smell as possible, only stopping shorty to admire the new vases on the cabinet in the hallway.

The cook was hard at work with peeling potatoes while the Argentine Joint was roasting in the oven. This would prove to be an obstacle, but it wouldn’t be the first time for them to steal food that was still in a pot on the stove, or in this case, the oven.

The cook, however, was an even bigger obstacle, for she allowed them to enter the kitchen, but they could feel her eyes on their backs like prongs on their scruffs.

Mungojerrie stood on his hind legs to look through the glass pane of the oven, tongue hanging out of his mouth. Rumpleteazer’s tail twitched from side to side, just waiting to jump at the oven door to rip it open.

“Come here, kitty,” the cook called.

Rumpleteazer heaved a sigh but obeyed. Mungojerrie didn’t even seem to notice.

The cook stooped low on the kitchen sofa to scratch Rumpleteazer’s head and then reached for something on the table with her other hand. Rumpleteazer’s ears perked up. A treat?

To her disappointment, the hand came back and held a piece of peeled potato to her nose. She dutifully sniffed on it.

“What do you think, hm? What do you think?” the cook asked her in her thick Italian accent.

Rumpleteazer meowed in response.

“Don’t you worry, we’ll add some salt to that now. Come, come.”

With that, she picked her up and showed her the pot of potatoes.

“Now, how much salt do we need, angioletto? One pinch or two?”

Rumpleteazer meowed cluelessly.

“That’s right, that’s right. Quanto basta, yes? Quanto basta.”

With that, she shoved a spoon into the tin and added salt, seemingly without looking. All her food turned out delicious either way, so Rumpleteazer decided to not question her methods.

“Get away from the oven,” the cook continued, and Rumpleteazer squinted up at her with confusion. Couldn’t she see what a well-behaved kitty she was?

The soft sound of paws padding over tiles made her stop in her thoughts. Oh yeah.

Mungojerrie gave a chirp of complaint.

Rumpleteazer wormed her way between the cook’s rough hands, flicking her tail at Mungojerrie. I’ll distract her.

The cook’s round face lit up in a smile. “Oh, come here, you.”

As she began to pet and scratch her, Rumpleteazer’s only thought was how she could die happily this way. The cook just might have been her favourite human, right after the little girl that was always happy to play in mud puddles with her and the kittens, and perhaps the aunt of the station master, because she shrieked so beautifully loudly whenever they ran away with her feather boa.

“Don’t you think I don’t see what you’re doing over there, you horrible cat.”

Or maybe not.

Mungojerrie was hanging from the oven door, turning back to throw Rumpleteazer a betrayed look.

“Get down from there, don’t burn your paws,” the cook scolded him, setting Rumpleteazer on the kitchen sofa next her and walking to the stove to look into one of the pots.

Mungojerrie let go and trotted to the doorway, defeated. Rumpleteazer joined him, and together they left the kitchen to curl up in the sitting room, dragging their paws.

One of the girls came running to pet them, but they squirmed away from her grasping hands and flew under the table next to the fireplace, where they had one of their beds.

“Oh, bugger,” Mungojerrie complained, scratching at his side and frowning.

Rumpleteazer loafed next to him and chewed on her bottom lip in thought. “We’ve got to get her away from the stove somehow. I will not eat dry food if they get to eat like lords and ladies! I refuse.”

“But how? Her eyes seem to be all over the kitchen.”

“Then lets get her out of the kitchen.”

Both of their gazes wandered to the gramophone that sat enthroned on a small side table just across from them.

In a matter of seconds, Mungojerrie stood next to the table and Teazer on his back, lifting the needle onto the record with careful paws. The Rum Tum Tugger had shown them how to operate a gramophone when they had stolen a record from the record shop for him. As soon as the needle was placed down, they changed places, and Mungojerrie leaned his entire body weight on the wind-up crank. It took a lot of effort for a cat to use a gramophone, which is why they preferred to sing by themselves back at the junkyard (or to listen to the guards’ radio from time to time), but Mungojerrie was determined.

With a soft crackle, the machine came alive, and two seconds later music blasted from the horn at an ear-shattering volume.

Every living being in the house jumped in surprise at the sudden noise (Mungojerrie fell off Rumpleteazer’s back and rolled beneath the table), but to the cats’ horror none of them ran to shut the gramophone off. Instead, sudden loud singing rang from the kitchen, and the family, infected by the joy in the cook’s voice, jumped off their seats and began to dance, in pairs and alone, waltzing from the carpeted floor onto the sofa to the coffee table and back to the floor, laughing and singing like they hadn’t done for a long time.

Normally the two striped menaces under the table would have joined them without hesitation, as they were Jellicle cats and loved a good dance, but right at this moment they were fairly disappointed.

“That didn’t work out,” Mungojerrie commented after a while of watching them frolic, and they left the sitting room for the hallway, the music a tad too loud for their sensitive ears.

“They have adapted,” Rumpleteazer sighed, “there isn’t much we can surprise them with anymore. Maybe we truly should move out.”

(But she didn’t really mean it. Dry food or not, they both had grown very fond of the family and their servants, whether they wanted to admit it or not.)

“Woe is us,” Mungojerrie said, squinting at the cabinet next to them.

The new vases seemed to tease him.

They looked at each other.

“Well, it’s worth a try, I suppose,” Rumpleteazer agreed.

Without losing a second, Mungojerrie jumped up and nudged a vase off the cabinet. It shattered on the tiled floor with a satisfying ping.

They pricked their ears and waited. One minute passed.

Then two.

Four.

Nothing happened.

“The music is too loud,” Mungojerrie realized, and Rumpleteazer yowled in desperation.

They smashed the other two vases as well, since they were at it already.

Then Rumpleteazer inhaled very deeply and gave an ear-splitting screech.

Jerrie almost backflipped out of shock, pawing at his ears in discomfort. “What was that for?”

“I’m pulling all registers,” Rumpleteazer responded drily, taking another breath to scream.

However, before she could open her mouth, she was suddenly lifted from her paws into flawlessly ironed shirt-clad arms, and Arthur the butler pulled her to his chest, taking one of her paws into his hand as if he was leading her in a dance.

“Are you singing as well, my kitty?” he mumbled, a faraway smile on his old, wrinkled face.

Then he slowly waltzed with her through the hallway, humming softly under his breath.

Rumpleteazer didn’t try to fight back, instead pressing her head beneath Arthur’s chin and purring, smelling old people and soap. Mungojerrie sang quietly and streaked around Arthur’s legs, always careful not to make him stumble.

They circled the end of the hallway a few times and then moved into the direction of the sitting room. Mungojerrie gave a chatter of warning before Arthur could step into a shard of the shattered vases.

“Dear me,” Arthur said, raising an eyebrow at the cat in his arms.

Rumpleteazer purred a little louder.

He sat her down again and warned them to watch their paws, then he began the straining walk to the attic to retrieve the only dustpan and sweeper left in the house.

“One less to worry about,” Mungojerrie said, and Rumpleteazer giggled.

When they re-entered the kitchen, the cook was just poking a skewer into the roast to check how done it was. However, as soon as they appeared in her periphery, it was no use to try and lure her to the remains of the vases. The pot of potatoes was now boiling on the stove, and the pot with the greens stood at the ready, and the cook was ever so vigilant.

Mungojerrie pretended to choke to death on the kitchen floor, but he was mercilessly nudged to the side by the cook’s foot so she could get to the ladle laying on the table.

They even threw all sense of shame and modesty into the wind and tried to, as Arthur had put it. ‘follow their urges’ on the kitchen sofa, which resulted in them getting thrown out of the kitchen in less than five seconds.

Defeated, they climbed through the letter box into freedom, resigned to return to the Junkyard in hope of better food than a bowl of lousy dry food.

“It’s hopeless,” Mungojerrie moaned as the smell of the roast wafted out of the open kitchen window around the corner.

“So cruel of her,” Rumpleteazer agreed, throwing her forelegs into the air, “and so undeserved!”

Still, they couldn’t resist to jump onto the ledge of the kitchen window, opting to mourn their lost dinner.

The roast wasn’t in the oven anymore. Instead, it now lay on a tray in the middle of the kitchen table to cool, while the cook was busying herself with the rice, greens and potatoes, still singing at full volume.

“This is our chance,” Mungojerrie whispered, whiskers quivering with excitement. “Go to the front door and do something to lure her away!”

“But what?” Rumpleteazer asked, tail lashing and mouth open to inhale as much of the wonderful smell as possible.

“Think of something,” Mungojerrie said impatiently, giving her left ear a quick groom. “Hurry!”

Rumpleteazer chirped at the grooming, jumped off the ledge and galloped back to the front door.

“Think of something, think of something,” she mumbled, chasing her tail for a few seconds to build off nervous energy and get a clear head.

She stepped back and threw a glance at the roof. There was light in one of the windows – Arthur was still searching for the dustpan. Perfect.

Rumpleteazer cleared her throat, opened her mouth and produced the loudest yowl cat-kind had ever heard. All around the dogs began to bark and the neighbourhood cats called out for her, wanting to know if something had happened and if she needed help.

“I forgot my keys!” she shouted at the top of her lungs, hoping that it would placate her neighbours and lure the cook to the door.

Her neighbours gave various noises of acknowledgement, but the door didn’t open. The music, she realized, pawing at her left ear when a dog around the corner began to howl.

A loose brick on the pavement stared at her judgmentally.

“It was worth a try,” she grumbled to his direction, tail lashing with annoyance at the excessive howling. “Imagine if I was a pollicle! They’d come running if they only had an inkling that I’d left the house without a leash. Humans don’t just let their dogs run out of the door and do their business like us cats. Which isn’t surprising, mind you, because they would have probably started three fights before their family could even close the door behind them.”

The brick said nothing, it just laid there and looked judgemental. Rumpleteazer turned her nose up at it and stalked away, around the corner and back to Mungojerrie.

“I can’t think of anything,” she sniffed, flopping onto the window ledge.

“Come on, Teazer,” Mungojerrie pleaded, picking her up by the shoulders and shaking her gently, “this is our only chance! The rice is always done, and the beans are washed, we’re running out of time! You can think of something, I just know it.”

Rumpleteazer’s ears drooped, and Mungojerrie took a second to think.

“What if I promised you dessert?”

She immediately perked up. “Dessert, you say?”

Mungojerrie wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

“Ohhh. Dessert.”

“Yes, dessert.”

“I’ll think of something,” Rumpleteazer promised, flying off the ledge and around the corner so fast that she almost somersaulted into the gutter.

Confronted with the unmoving door, she began to doubt (and mourn the seemingly unattainable dinner… and dessert).

She kicked at the brick with sudden anger. Everlasting Cat curse this door! She had never come across a door that looked so unfriendly and unhelpful and rude overall. To be fair, she didn’t usually come across a lot of doors in her daily life, since she usually entered houses through windows, but Gus’ theatre door was always open for everyone. Such a friendly door it was, so well managed and served by the janitor; Gus really had done well with that. Although, she supposed, it only kept working so well because Jellylorum took care of him and everything else so well, never seeming to tire of listening to his ever-repeating stories, looking out for the kittens and young adults just as much, Rumpleteazer didn’t know how she did it! She could barely take care of herself if she didn’t have Mungojerrie, let alone an entire colony of cats of every age. On the other hand, what would Jelly do without Jenny, who was always there for her to pour her heart out as well as a shoulder to cry on, and they drank tea together at least two times a week, so that Jellylorum didn’t get lonely in the old theatre and Jenny didn’t lose her mind from giving lessons to her mice and cockroaches every night. Sometimes they invited Rumpleteazer to drink a cuppa with them, and she loved it because the tea tasted very good and she was allowed to put a little milk into her tea. Milk, a miracle, a wonderwork, the best thing there was in the world, apart from Mungojerrie and stealing roasts. And one could even make a living by selling it! At least humans could. If she was a human, she would like to be a milkman. Access to free milk, and you could share that joy with others! What a wonderful profession. She had met the local milkman many a time, a friendly young man who was always punctual, and the cook was always so quick to open the door for him–

Oh yeah. The door.

Focus, focus! She thought angrily, shaking out her fur.

Anyway. What did the milkman do that the door was opened so quickly? She had never heard him shout before, but there had been some kind of noise. What was it… a ringing? Yes, a ringing noise.

She frowned deeply, almost going cross-eyed. But how did he do that? He never had a bell in his hand when the cook opened his door, he only had one of his fingers outstretched. Was it magic? Human magic? Did their fingers ring?

The young queen climbed up on the banister and lifted a paw. Cassandra had shown her once how to drink tea like a lady, one claw splayed like the humans did it with their shortest finger. Maybe this would work just as well.

She unsheathed a claw and pointed it in the direction of the door. Unfortunately, her paw didn’t ring.

“Where is Mistoffelees when you need him?” she grumbled, sheathing her claw again.

Maybe she had to point at something specific. Straining every brain cell she had, she tried to remember in which direction the milkman pointed when the cook opened the door for him. He pointed… to the right. No, to the left.

Rumpleteazer jumped to the opposite banister and pointed again. Nothing. It was hopeless- wait!

“Now what do we have here?” she purred, whiskers spreading out and pupils widening.

A button! Buttons were lots of fun. Their potential was boundless! Once they had found one underneath the desk in the study and a secret door had opened. Maybe this button would open the door as well? That wasn’t quite what her goal had been, but now she was too curious to not give it a try.

She stretched out a paw and pressed the button.

A shrill ringing noise made her fall off the banister and hide behind the brick.

Then she gave whoop of victory. She had solved the mystery! All by herself! Oh, she would be getting that dessert, no matter if they managed to steal the roast or not.

Spurred on, she climbed the banister again and pressed the button another four to five times, and not ten seconds later she heard Mungojerrie’s warning call and the cook shuffling to the door, grumbling under her breath.

She took to her heels and made it back to the kitchen window in record time, Mungojerrie beaming at her from the kitchen table, the roast securely in his paws.

They hauled the Argentine Joint out of the kitchen, up the stairs to the study and behind one of the bookcases, one of their favourite hideouts inside the house. Downstairs, they could hear the cook bluster and rant.

“The joint is gone, even though I was so careful!” the cook wailed, slumped over the kitchen table, her balled fist hitting the tabletop.

“It was that horrible cat!” the youngest child crowed from the sitting room as the master of the house hurried to console her.

“Nothing at all to be done about that,” he sighed, glancing sadly at the empty tray. “We’ll send Arthur to the butcher and eat one tomorrow instead. For now, we still have all the side dishes, can’t let them go to waste now, can we?”

“Definitely not, sir,” Arthur agreed, having returned from the attic, covered in dust and puzzle pieces.

“Oh, we should find them, darling,” the lady of the house pleaded, worrying her silk scarf. “What if they choke on the bones?”

“Nonsense. The cat figured out how to ring the darn doorbell, I’m sure they know how to eat roast correctly, my dear.”

“Ah yes, that’s true.”

Upstairs, said roast had shrunk to a miniscule size, and Mungojerrie was purring loud enough to rival Jennyanydots when she was in a good mood.

“Say, Teazer, how did you manage to make the milkman noise?”

Rumpleteazer, pleasantly sated and excited for dessert, twirled her whiskers and put on a smug expression.

“Well, you see, my dear Jerrie, it’s old human door magic that Mistoffelees showed me once after I helped him steal a pair of socks…”

ADHD queen Teazer, amiright? Sdjfjksd Even though all the Catsiversary fics are standalones, I’m gonna keep these humans. I’ve grown fond of them and they are so much fun to write xD Also I referenced the German lyrics of R&M because the “the joint is gone from the oven like that” part is so much funnier in the old Vienna translation. (“Angioletto” means “little angel” and “quanto basta” means “just enough”.) I hope you liked it! Thank you for reading! ♥

#cats the musical #mungojerrie #rumpleteazer #mungoteazer #namethat-i writes #namethat-i's catsiversary #warning for three suggestive sentences #or four. blink and you miss them jkfjksdjf

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is-that-another-soulmate-au · 4 years ago

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Sun Touched Zuko AU!!

Tag list @chaoticidiott @mypureessence @fae-tales-personal

This won't be a soulmate AU but it will be Zukka for sure.

Zuko was born sick, so sick in fact that he was going to die. His mother prayed to Agni that he would live, prayed that the sun spirit would save her first born son. In the gardens she held him up to the Setting sun pleading. The suns rays caught in the amber stone on top of the alter set for worship and moved to Zuko's eyes. His hair changed from solid black to a golden blonde, he opened eyes and began to cry. He was touched by the Sun and lived.

Ursa couldnt have been more happy, her son was alive. "My little sunshine" she whispered with tears rolling down her cheeks as she held him close and rocked him in her arms.

When Ozai saw his son's golden hair he demanded that it be dyed black, but was willing to compromise when Ursa suggested they wait until he turns 5 so that the dyes don't harm him.

The first time they dyed his hair he asked his mom why, his bright molten eyes looking at her with confusion "because your father wants you to feel safer my sunshine, people will stare at you with that bright shining hair of yours"

"Oh, okay" was his only response that day. He never questioned it anymore when they touched up his roots weekly.

After his mother left him he felt alone in the world, his dad still staining his golden hair each week with more and more ink. All the while berating him when he couldnt control his fire well. Even with being touched by the spirit and having powerful fire he couldnt manage to control it, couldnt understand how to. Until master Piandou taught him swords and he applied his teachings to his fire.

The first time he used his swords to control the fire Piandou was more than impressed "Prince Zuko! That was amazing!"

"Thank you Master, thinking of the swords as an extension helped me control the flames better" his smile soon faded when his father appeared

"Yes, great work Zuko, I am pleased to see you have learned how to control your flames, however mixing these arts in this fashion is unacceptable. Come with me"

After that he wasn't allowed back at Piandou's unless he was accompanied by either his father, or an advisor to make sure he practiced correctly.

On the day of his fated Agni Kai Zuko had just gotten his roots retouched before entering the war meeting. When his father burnt him for speaking out of term his tears felt like lava running down his cheeks. He could smell the fresh dye burning and it hurt his lungs.

His Uncle immediately took him under his wing when he was banished "Zuko, my star," his Uncle pleaded when they were at the western airtemple "i need to dress your wound, the sun spirit would not want you to lose your eye"

Zuko reluctantly let his Uncle clean and dress his wound several times on their travels until it healed and scarred over. When it finally healed over Iroh smiled "there you go sunshine" he said as he wiped the tears forming in Zuko's good eye away "do not cry Prince Zuko, you are safe"

He still dyed his roots every week to uphold his place as prince. He did not know that his golden hair was his own symbol or royalty, that the sun chose him. Sure he knew the sun saved him, but he could not understand that it was because he was chosen.

When he arrived at the South pole and discovered the Avatar, he felt a breath of relief wash over him. He was going home, but he heavily underestimated the Avatar's abilities and lost him.

Soon he started a cat and mouse game with the monk and his two southern water tribe friends. After the northpole he slacked on dying his hair, not because he didnt want to, he simply didn't have the resources to do so. So his roots started to grow in gold.

"Well your looking golden Zuzu" Azula's voice startled Zuko when he walked into the hut they were staying in.

"Azula, what are you doing here" he glared at his younger sister

"You know, im my country. We greet one another before asking questions" she responded coldly "i was just passing through"

"To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit Princess Azula?" Iroh piped into the conversation

"No wonder you two click, always so quick and to the point. Father sent me, family is suddenly very important to him." She turned her head to look out the window "father regrets your banishment. He wants you home"

Zuko was frozen in place "father regrets?"

"I can see you need time to think this through, ill be by to collect you in the morning" Azula smiled softly before a flash of worry flashed on her face for a split second as she walked out the door.

When Azula's true intentions were revealed Zuko and Iroh managed to flee from her and her soldiers. When they stopped at the river to cut their hair Zuko looked at Iroh when he watched the inky hair fall into the river "your gold hair will conceal your identity fairly well my nephew"

"Yeah, it'll hide me pretty well" nobody had seen Zuko with his golden hair before. He hadnt seen his hair fully gold since age five.

On their travels his hair grew fairly fast now that it wasnt being dyed so often. It would catch the eye of several earth kindom citizens when he passed through towns. When he and Iroh were sitting against a building with a hat in front of them a young woman approached them and slipped a few gold pieces in "I know this might sound creepy, and I'm only asking this because I cannot resist. But may I kiss your hair sir? You can say no, I won't take my money back."

Zuko flushed a light shade of pink and scratched the back of his head "uhm, s-sure?" He mumbled out and leaned his head towards her. She placed a tender almost motherly kiss to the top of his head.

"Oh, your hair is so beautiful sir, it's like a million rays of sun. I wish you luck, i can only spare a little but if you'd take these small meals Im sure they'd help you" she said while offering two wrapped meals

They accepted and thanked her with small bows "what a nice young lady, huh?" Iroh said and nudged Zuko's arm

"Yeah, she was very nice"

When Zuko and Iroh found Azula and Aang battling in an abandoned earth town Azula pointed out his hair "wow Zuzu! You look just like a star! Where'd all that ink go?" When the fight ended and Iroh was injured Zukos cheeks felt like magma was pouring from his eyes.

"Zuko, I can hel-" Katara approached them

"LEAVE!" Zuko cried out, turning to Katara with golden tears running down his face.

While on the Ferry to Ba Sing Se Zuko was angry, not angry at anyone or anything in particular, he was just angry. "Hey" the voice of a man at his right side broke his brooding "names Jet"

"Lee" Zuko muttered out how cover name

"Yknow Lee, I hear the captain is eating like a king while we're stuck eating all his left overs" he paused "want to help me... liberate some food rations?"

It didn't take much to convince Zuko to join him. They liberated the food quickly without getting caught. Zuko found himself wandering the the front of the lower deck, leaning on the railing. "You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were" he paused as he approached Zuko "youre a refugee, like me. Thing is though, I've never seen hair like yours, let along your eyes."

Jet reached out and brushed Zuko's hair out of his face. "The freedom fighters could use a starlight like you, what do you say?"

Zuko smacked Jets hand away gently "thanks, but no thanks, you don't want me on your team, trust me"

In Ba Sing Se Iroh and Zuko made a life for themselves. They managed to have their own tea shop and apartment. Things were doing great, until Zuko went after the Avatar's bison, mind you he went there originally to take the bison captive, but when he saw that the creature was hurt he sheathed his swords and removed his mask, letting his golden hair free as he approached the bison "hey buddy, are you okay?" His voice was much softer than usual "oh no, here let me help you, this is going to hurt and I'm sorry, but I need to pull out this thorn" he talked to him the whole time he was pulling out thorns, gently rubbing the fur near it to sooth him.

When he pulled all of the thorns out he took out his swords "alright buddy, dont worry about the swords, im going to use them to cut you out of these chains, shhh its okay, you're okay" he continued to talk him through each of the six shackles "there we go big guy, now you need to get out of here, go find your friends- ah! Hey!" Appa knocked him over and gave him a thanks with a big sloppy dog like lick across his torso and face before taking off.

"You did well my nephew" Zuko shot up at his uncle's voice

"Uncle?" His startled voice wavered

"Now lets get you out of here and back home." And that they did.

When they made it back to their apartment Zuko felt dizzy, he held his head in his hand "I dont feel good" he managed to get out before collapsing and breaking a vase

"Zuko!" Iroh shouted as he rushed to his nephew to make sure he didnt hurt himself on any broken glass.

In his Angst coma Sokka heard his mother singing

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me Happy! When skies are grey. You'll never know dear, how much I love you, so please don't hide my sunshine away"

His sisters voice mocked his hair "youre hair makes you look like a dandelion, a weed can't take the throne!" Her cackling filled his ears.

There was a blinding light and a woman appeared with flowing gold hair and bright fire eyes "my dear star, why do you let yourself hurt so much?"

"I don't, who are you?"

"I'm Agni my dear, you do know I chose you right?"

"Why?"

"You are special my dear, your mother made sure to get my attention and I am so glad she did" the woman spoke as she placed her hand on his cheek. Filling him with the image of her reaching out to kiss his eyes as a baby. "You are meant for great things little star." Her voice faded as she herself did

He soon woke from his coma with a fresh breath. Taking charge in making sure his Uncle's tea shop did well, and helping him where he could. However Azula soon found them and summoned them to the palace under the guise of serving tea to the king. Things didnt end well and Zuko was thrown into a cave beneath the City with Katara.

"Why would they throw you in here!" Her angry and hurt voice filled his ears as he tried not to make her feel more uncomfortable by staying as far from her as possible.

when she mentioned her mother he turned around and spoke "thats something we have in common"

"What?"

"My mother was my only source of safety... she was the only one who defended me against my sister and my father. And one day my father was ordered to... do something terrible and my mother protected me somehow, I dont know what happened but when I was half awake she told me goodbye and when I fully woke up she was gone."

When they were separated and Azula had Iroh trapped she approached "Zuko, nows your chance to come home. Help me defeat the avatar and you can come home. Without inking your hair. Isnt this what you've always wanted? You'll have your honor back, you'll have fathers love back"

And despite all he had gone through he still chose the path of returning to his father. When he did return his father wanted to dye his hair but Azula spoke up against it "father, if I may. Zuko's hair is a symbol of the fire goddess Agni, if he were to take the thrown it'd be best to show that she has chosen him"

"Yes, that is true. Alright, off with you two"

Reuniting with Mai wasnt smooth, she confessed to him that her and Ty Lee connected and while he was saddened he just smiled "I'm glad you two are with eachother, you work well"

On the day of Black sun, with the information he had learned from Iroh and armed with the fact that his father was practically powerless without his bending. He approached him.

"Zuko, what are you doing here?"

"Im here to tell the truth"

Ozai let out a snort "telling the truth during an eclipse?" He waved off his gaurds "what do you have to say"

"First of all, Azula lied to you, she was the one who shot down the avatar"

"What?! Why would she lie about that?"

"Because the avatars not dead, he's probably leading this invasion right now"

"Get out! Get out if you know what's good for you!"

"Thats another thing, I'm not taking orders from you anymore"

"You will obey me or face the consequences!" As Ozai stood Zuko drew his dual swords and took a stance

"Think again. I am going to speak my mind and you are going to listen"

He went on to question his father "you knew Agni chose me as a child and that was the reason my hair turned gold. You knew this and yet you hid that from the world, you darkened my hair for years, and you have the gull to tell me I was lucky to be born. You! The tyrannical leader set out to destroy the world. you! My own father challenged me to an Agni Kai just for speaking out of term, how could you possibly justify a duel with a child!"

"It was to teach you respect!"

"It was cruel and it was wrong"

"Then you have learned nothing!"

"No! I've learned everything, and I've had to do most of it on my own" he paused "Growing up we were taught that the war was our nations way of spread joy, what an incredible lie that was, the other nations don't love us, they fear us, and they are right to fear us, we've brought the world to an era of hate and suffering, now we need to fill it with one of peace and joy"

"Your uncle has gotten to you hasnt he" Ozai laughed

"Yes, he has, and I've come to another decision, im going to join the avatar, and im going to help him take you down."

After announcing this he turned to leave but stayed to learn about what happened to his mother

"She's alive?" He said in a soft voice as a single golden tear rolled down his cheek

"Perhaps," Ozai paused "now i see that banishment is far too small of a punishment for treason" he said as he gathered lightning and shot it at Zuko who quickly redirected it right back at him before escaping.

After finding that Iroh had broken out of prison Zuko fled the firenation in a small war ballon and followed the Avatar's Sky bison to the western air temples. Their first encounter didn't go so well and he managed to burn Toph's feet but after helping them defeat the assassin and managing to form his words more properly and giving a genuine apology to Toph he was on the team.

Some time after joining and managing to break Sokka's dad, Suki and Chit Sang out of prison they were all sitting around the fire. "So.. uhm Zuko" Aang started

Zuko turned to look at him "yeah?"

"I have to ask, pretty bunch nobody in the firenation has golden blonde hair right?" Zuko absentmindedly ran his fingers through his hair at the question

"Yeah, and when you were first chasing us your hair was black, whats up with that?" Sokka added

"Oh, uh, well my hair was always dyed black because my father doesn't like my gold hair..." he paused "when I was born, I was sick, so sick that my parents thought I was going to die. But my mother pleaded with Agni to spare me, she took me to the sun worship alter in the palace gardens at sunset and held me up, pleading. When the last ray of light from Agni, my hair turned golden and I began to cry. So, in a sense the sun gave me my life"

"Like Yue!" Sokka piped up

"Like who?"

"Princess Yue! She was born sick just like you, and the moon spirit saved her. Well, she's the moon spirit now"

"Woah woah wait, is this the girlfriend you said turned into the moon?"

"Yep!"

"Well, just don't go falling for Zuko now, dont want to have your first boyfriend turn into the sun" Suki teased him

"Hey, at least I'd have a full set of spirit lovers"

Zuko's face turned beet red and the group laughed at him. Over the next few weeks of them being in close quarters Zuko found that he was growing feelings for the water tribe boy. Anytime he'd look at him he felt his stomach do a flip. But he didnt have time to think about his feelings.

Even though the sun touched prince tried not to think about Sokka on the mission with Katara, he couldn't help it. When they were returning Katara piped up "I know you like him" she paused to watch his surprised face "its okay you know, its fine if you like him. I dont have like you to let my brother like you. I may be cold to you but im not a monster like your father" she tied off the sentence by staring off "and besides, if Agni chose you, I think you would be safe for Sokka"

When they got back he heard sokka shout "You're back! Thank La youre safe!" Turning to Katara he expected to see Sokka running to hug his sister. Instead he was tackled to the ground with a hug from Sokka "how did it go Katara?" He asked from the ground while quite literally snuggling into Zuko with this hug that was still very much happening.

"I found him, and he was just so pathetic, i couldnt kill him"

Sokka then stood up and helped Zuko to his feet and placed a quick sneaky kiss to his cheek before moving to hug his sister, leaving Zuko frozen in confusion. He remained frozen until Suki came up to him "he's trying to confess silently, he's weird like that, corner him later if you want to hear an actual confession"

He however didn't manage to corner the now seemingly overly flirty blue boy until they were at ember Island. It wasnt until just before bed when Sokka was walking past Zuko's bedroom door. He reached out grabbed Sokka's shirt and yanked him into the room before slamming the door shut and pinning him to it. "What are you doing?"

"Wh-what do you mean? You're the one who dragged me into your room, what are you doing?"

"Dont play dumb with me Sokka, you've been flirting with me since I got back from my trip with your sist-"

"Actually ive been flirting with you since the temples, you just didn't notice until I kissed you"

"You mean until you missed"

"What?"

Zuko smirked "you missed" he mumbled before leaning closer "you went for a kiss but you missed"

They ended up spending the night sharing a room and a bed. When the morning sun peaked through the windows Zuko curled back into sokka who in turn pulled him closer. Both refusing to wake up until Katara knocked on the door and opened it "breakfast is ready, if you two love birds want some warm food you better hury and I better not see any hickeys"

"Ugh! Katara we just cuddled!" Sokka said as he burried his face in Zuko's hair.

Katara simply laughed "alright, but still, hury up."

When the day of the comet came and Zuko had to separate from Sokka he saw the worry in his blue eyes "Ive got this Sokka, Agnj chose me remembe, besides, I've got Katara with me and she's powerful" he placed a quick kiss to Sokka's lips "go take down those ships, and I'll see you by the timd the sun rises tomorrow."

And he was right, even though he was shot with lightning and Sokka broke his leg they both came out of the battle alive and together. When Zuko woke up to find Sokka curled up against him he smiled and let out a soft breath of pink fire. Relief.

"Woah, do that again" Sokka's groggy 'just woke up' voice rumbled against his shoulder

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, do you mean this?" He let out another breath of fire, this time a pale purple

"I didn't know you could do other colors of fire"

"Well, I couldn't until I went to the sunwarriors, Agni spoke to me there"

After Zuko's Coronation the firenation began righting their wrongs. It was a long struggle for sure. However two years into his reign with Sokka having practically moved in he found that he would soon have a partner to help him through these struggles.

The day had only just begun but Sokka was dragging Zuko to the turtleduck pond where they often sat together to simply relax. Sokka seemed a little antsy this time though "what's wrong Sokka?"

"Uhm, well, I have something I need to ask you," he paused and reached into his pocket while sinkning down to one knee. Zuko's breath caught in his throat as he saw Sokka pull out a betrothal becklace, the band was made with a fine red silk and the center piece was gold with a carving of a sun with a wave inside of it. "Zuko," he took a shaky breath "you've been by my side for two years now, you've held my hand through war and peace, quite literally, and you've done so while loving me whole heartedly. I can't imagine my life without you in it." Zuko could feel golden tears threatening to fall fram his molten eyes "Zuko, will you marry me?"

"Yes!" He heard himself responding before he could even think "Agni, yes Sokka, of course I'll marry you!"

Sokka moved from his kneeling position to lifting Zuko up into a kiss, holding him right under his rear. Zuko held his face in his hands as he pressed his lips to Sokka's as he was lifted up quite unceremoniously.

Once he was set down Sokka helped him put on the betrothal necklace. He reached up to touch the Golden pendant and smiled up at Sokka with gold tears falling down his cheeks.

Their marraige was held not long after, joining the southern water tribe and the firenation in a strong Union with a mixed culture wedding blues, silvers, reds and golds filled the wedding and reception as well as suns and moons.

Agni smiled down on the wedding that day, her chosen sunshine found his moon.

Yue smiled on them that night as they stood on the balcony holding one another. The boy who protected her finally found his light.

>Woo boy that was a long one! I sure hope you enjoyed it!<

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ssvgawara · 4 years ago

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Haikyuu boys and some oddly specific crime they’d commit

a/n: I come back and the first thing I write is a shitpost!! enjoy </3 tw for drugs, murder, alcohol and general crime committing xoxo

Karasuno

Daichi- he’s a cop sorry that’s all there is to it man

Suga- Suga has multiple charges of 1st-degree murder against him but they can’t seem to find his identity so he continues committing murder and will continue until he gets caught or ends up murdering enough people to be put in a position of power

Asahi- everyone is probably like “Oh Asahi is innocent” NO. He has learned that his slightly scary face will let him get away with a lot, he is buying alcohol illegally because he looks old enough to, and he’s buying so much other shit and just getting away with it

Nishinoya- This man gives fucking pimp vibes I can just see him in the big leopard print fur coat with a pretty girl in his lap and he calls himself big poppa but no one else will

Tanaka- Drug dealer vibes, probably runs an entire fucking drug ring with his sister and not just a Lil weed these mfkas have the hard shit too like you could probably buy meth from them, he’s not using it but it’s good business

Ennoshita, Kinoshita, and Narita- They literally rob a bank they have an entire scheme and get away with multiple bank robberies and this goes on for MONTHS

Kageyama- We know he’s volleyball smart but otherwise he’s so mfing stupid and I love him for it but he is a chronic shoplifter. Just picks something up and takes it, has walked out of a store without paying for an entire bed set once and got away with it somehow so idk props to him

Hinata- He is the little guy in any heist situation, he fits anywhere so he can sneak in and out the best, he gave himself the stupid ass code name tiny giant but everyone goes with it because somehow he is the best

Tsukishima- armed robbery, but he doesn’t have a gun just a knife like he’s tall and as an attitude, a knife will get him whatever he needs he doesn’t need the gun

Yamaguchi- He runs a catfishing scheme where he pretends to be a naive girl, scams old men out of their money, and then ghosts them and I think it’s what he deserves let him carry on especially because no one would believe it’s him. Also not really like a crime crime but still a crime in a way

Kiyoko- She kills men and I know it, Queen Kiyoko ending the patriarchy one shitty man at a time like she only kills men who deserve it bc some have rights.

Yachi- She’s too anxious to commit an in-person crime so she does a lot of cybercrime, hacking government databases and releasing info to the people, truly the anonymous we deserve

Saeko- She’s running that drug ring with Tanaka, and she loves it because there’s a thrill to it even though yknow she’s dealing literal meth but like its fine plus she loves rocking people’s shit when they get too handsy, which bring me to my next point underground MMA Saeko, like the illegal one with no rules yeah <3

Ukai- this man probably sells all kinda shit to minors that he shouldn’t he is so unbothered a 7-year-old could probably walk in ask for a pack of camels and get them and leave before he noticed what was going on.

Takeda- Did y’all see how scared Hinata was when Takeda gave him that lecture? This dude could kidnap someone and scare them into giving all the information he needed, a legend truly

Aoba Johsai

Oikawa- took steroids one time. And of course in sports, that’s not allowed. But he only did it once and regretted it for months afterward. Never told anyone and was just relieved he didn’t have to piss in a cup and have someone find out.

Matsukawa- Without hesitation, I know this man takes dead people’s bones and sells them on the internet. Has dubbed himself the bone man and he feels so much power when someone buys a femur or sumn. It’s kinda funny honestly he has a hoard of bones to sell, his fave is the pelvis.

Hanamaki- He’s in between jobs because he stole money from his last job, like he said he was sorry he just needed a little extra for gas but was sad to find out that’s a literal crime and he was laundering money.

Iwaizumi- he’s a street racer, like the fast and furious style and it’s so sexy of him like late-night races ugh to be in an expensive fast car with him where he has one hand on my thigh okay that’s enough of that.

Kunimi- Look me in the eye and tell me he does not do drugs. He does and if you don’t believe me you are wrong and I will fight you on this one.

Kyotani- If there is a crime he will commit it for fun. Like he will do it with no hesitation. He has a record longer than twilight and I’m not sure how he is not in prison actually nvm he escaped and is a wanted criminal lol

Shiritorizawa

Ushijima- Assault, he just reeks of getting into bar fights when he’s absolutely wasted. Like he most likely didn’t start it but he will be finishing it

Tendou- grave robbing, he just goes into the cemetery picked the oldest plots, and gets to digging. Has made thousands on dead people jewelry and probably won’t get caught, like besides the groundskeeper there’s no security he will never stop.

Semi- he breaks copyright laws on the daily. He’s sampling music in his all the time but he’s doing it so sneakily it’s fine its what deserves stream his band on Spotify right now,

Shirabu- His bangs are criminal enough. No, but he has stolen drugs from the hospital before he just wanted to try the Xanax, and yeah he could just write himself a prescription for it nut like it’s so easy to just go get some and no report it so that’s what he did.

Goshiki- y’all want me to say arson don’t you?? Fine. He commits arson multiple times and kills 7 people with fire before getting arrested and he doesn’t even feel bad so in prison he probably fucking runs a gang he is crazy.

Nekoma

Kuroo- he is a capitalist and class traitor and that’s crime enough I don’t care is he’s attractive or rich, He commits crimes daily by just existing but I still love him anyway.

Kai- Could not commit a crime he just wants to garden and live his life. Jk there’s at minimum one body in that garden let him kill a man he deserves it just let him have one dead body

Yaku- he keyed someone’s car once just because they pissed him off. Was it kuroo? Yes. But that’s fine because he also keyed Lev’s car but blamed lev for keying kuroo’s and Kuroo for keying Lev’s. He just wants to watch the world burn.

Kenma- cyberbullying but man he is mean. Like no bars held we will dig into every insecurity he can and that shit hurts and he doesn’t even feel bad about it he will just be as mean as he can if you’re not careful

Lev- his crime is being tall and dumb also doesn’t understand the economy and prints counterfeit money because why can’t we print more money? The government should get on that.

Inuoka- He released all the animals from a zoo, like snuck in one night and just let them all free, I’m surprised the tiger didn’t eat him but hey the animals are free, there’s still some missing uh oh he’s very proud of himself for it. After the rush, he starts sneaking into shelters and freeing all the dogs and cats

Yamamoto and Fukunaga- Have egged a house before, it was Kuroo’s he deserves all this bullying and you can’t stop me.

Date Tech

Aone- Criminal Conspiracy, sure he had an entire foolproof plan to get away with the perfect crime but someone found out, and now his plans are ruined, damn </3 and no one ever suspects the quiet guy either.

Futakuchi- Having a prostitute, he just wanted some company like mans is lonely so he paid a girl to just spend a Lil time with him it’s all good.

Fukurodani

Bokuto- I know we all haha funny laugh at tax evader bokuto and sure maybe he evades his taxes but he’s also committed vehicular manslaughter, he cannot drive and has killed someone with his car maybe even multiple someones but he always drives off in a panic because he doesn’t know what else to do.

Akaashi- Hasn’t actively committed a crime but has been an accomplice in every vehicular manslaughter Bokuto has committed why the fuck does he keep letting bokuto drive? He really needs to stop that.

Konoha- A master scammer he is so convincing everyone gives him money even if they’re a little sus because he’s just that good each scheme is so convincing.

Inarizaki

Kita- He grows weed, you can’t tell me those rice fields are just for rice he’s got all this space he is growing marijuana and selling it, let him do it I want him to be my plug.

Atsumu- "What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier."

Osamu- resisting arrest. He just said no and ran. Granted he shouldn’t have punched the cop in the first place to have to be arrested but like that’s not the point here.

Aran- accidental child abandonment, like he just forgot he was babysitting and left the kid alone for like a day. He felt terrible but he still forgot the kid and now is fearful of parenthood

Suna- owns an illegal weapon, like he just never registered it and keeps it around and would use it if needed Suna please just point the weapon at me maybe

Others

Terushima- Graffiti, he loves painting on the walls of buildings and tagging them, has so much spraypaint and his day isn’t complete if he doesn’t tag at least one building or train car.

Daishou- Public intoxication- he got a little too fucked up and stripped on the street he will forever have to live with everyone knowing he has an ass tattoo like damn bruh

Sakusa- Perjury he simply wanted to get out of court so he said some shit so he could leave granted he lied under oath but whatever, did they ever find out? No, so he’s fine and he’d do it again if it meant he could leave faster. Like sure he was a witness to a murder but bruh he pretends he does not see.

Hoshihumi- driving without a license he simply thought you didn’t need one because why do you need a piece of plastic to say you can drive a car like??? Just know how to drive it.

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ssamie · 4 years ago

Text

five. similar routines

oikawa tooru x fem langa!reader

(hq x sk8 the infinity)

warnings: spelling mistakes, swearing, 2k+ words, u have langa’s blue hair sorry

gen masterlist. “snow” masterlist.

"you know, oikawa-san.." she started off with a sheepish hum "yes?" oikawa hummed with a smile

"i thought you were only picking me up so we can walk together." she said

"exactly. that's why im here" oikawa said with a chuckle

"so.. why are you in my room so early in the morning?" she deadpanned as she looked at him, as he sat on the foot of her bed "you're here way too early, oikawa-san" she said with a yawn

"well, i thought i'd get to know your mom too since she's also new to the neighbourhood ya know? shes very nice, by the way." oikawa chuckled out

"my.. mom..?" she sent him a weirded out look

"hey! not like that!" oikawa shrieked out "if anything, you'd be the only girl i'd have eyes for, FYI" he said with a wink. "oh.." y/n said with a laugh. "well, it's whatever oikawa-san." she said as she stood up from her bed.

"did you eat breakfast yet? i feel like you have since you're already dressed up and all.."

"but if you haven't, you can eat with me." she offered as she looked at him expectantly by the door

"i ate already, but we can have coffee together" oikawa suggested with a smile as he followed her out "oh. but you'd have to make it since i suck at making coffee." she said "oh come on, you can't be that bad" oikawa mused as he ruffled her already messy blue locks

"i'll drink whatever you make, don't worry" he said

"okay but i warned you." she replied with a sigh

oikawa sent one last fleeting glance to her room before he closed the door. he took note of the snowboards displayed by her wall and her skateboard so delicately situated by her desk. as well as the slightly messy collage of pictures stuck to her wall, most of them being pictures of a redhead.

"oikawa-san?" she called out, looking back to see him lagging behind.

"oh sorry, i'll be right there, y/n-chan!"

"this is coffee is probably more bitter than a rotten ballsack." oikawa muttered to himself as he reluctantly gulped down the beverage.

"did you say something, oikawa-san?" y/n hummed with a smile

"i said this coffee is probably better than any drink there is!" he exclaimed

"really??" y/n asked with sparkling eyes "then i'll make you coffee every morning starting now!" she said with an excited smile

oikawa paled as he watched her relish in the compliment with a smile, it's almost as if she was oozing with sparkles."ah.. y-you don't have to.." oikawa stammered out with a quivering smile

"oh.." her smile fell

oikawa mentally gasped and hastily shook his head "no, i take that back!" he exclaimed "you can make me coffee! in fact, you can make me a gallon everyday if you want!" oikawa rambled with in a frantic tone

"okay, oikawa-san" she smiled "that would mean we'd meet every morning too, haha" she chuckled

oikawa froze at the statement and nodded with an accomplished smile. "yup. sounds good!" he said. he then turned away and dramatically cried a single tear. "so worth it.." he muttered as he sipped on the devil spawn of a drink.

"anyways, should we go?" she asked him. "i can leave my board if you want me to walk with you." she said "no it's fine, i'll just keep up" he said

oikawa hummed to himself as he envisioned the two of them making their way to school. y/n was skating while he holds her hand, the both of them laughing and smiling like two protagonists of a shoujo manga.

"let's go, oikawa-san" she called out to him as she puts on her converse instead of her school shoes and grabbed her board.

"right." oikawa hummed as he happily followed behind, watching her get on the board and placing her phone in her pocket. "you'd keep up with me right?" she asks him "i won't go too fast if you want.."

"no, no. go do your thing, i don't mind~" oikawa cooed with a smile

"okay then." she sent him a smile before fully skating away and leaving a trail of dust behind.

"eh?" oikawa blinked in confusion as he watched her skate in a baffling speed and jumping effortlessly over bumps and obstacles. it was so different from what he's seen the first time he saw her skating to school. he was almost certain she was just one of those mediocre skater girls that everyone likes solely because they're pretty.

"oikawa-san, why aren't you following?!" she yelled from atleast a block away

"huh? well i didn't think you'd leave me behind like that!" oikawa whined as he ran towards her with a huff "you said to do my thing!" she yelled back

"right, right, my bad!" he laughed it off as he patted her back "i'll slow down if you want" she offered with a laugh

"yeah, i'd love that.."

from his front porch, iwaizumi watched them with an unamused look on his face. "flirting already?" he groaned "its seven in the morning, when will i ever get a break from this?"

"wow, didn't think you two would get so close so quickly" hanamaki teased as he pointed to y/n who was fixing the nets

"um can someone help me put this up-"

"oh that? it was pretty easy" oikawa shrugged it off with a smug grin "she just couldn't resist me and my charms, ya know?"

"i'll do it for you, don't worry!" oikawa cut her off as he skipped towards her and proceeded to put the nets up himself

hanamaki sweat dropped as he watched the brunette continue to chat her up while she simply nods along "more like you couldn't resist her.." he sneered. matsukawa joined in as they three in teasing comments to the captain, all while oikawa tries to shut them up.

"hey, let's eat out after practice, y/n-san" yahaba suggested with a flirty smile

"oh, sure.." y/n replied, tilting her head in confusion as his face contorts into one that resembles the handsome squidward. "cool. i'll come." oikawa interjected as he stared yahaba down.

"oh uh- i meant me.. and her.." yahaba sweat dropped

"yknow what, why don't we bring the whole team!" oikawa let out an obnoxiously fake laugh as he announced the plans to the whole gym. "geez. he's down bad" matsukawa said to hanamaki as the latter nodded along

"jesus christ, that dumbass.." iwaizumi sighs as he watched oikawa subtly give yahaba more tasks than the others

"are you free later iwaizumi-san?" y/n asks him as she hesitantly tugged on his sleeve. iwaizumi raised a brow and nodded. "yeah, why? did you need something?" he asked

"i know i said i'll stop trying but i still wanna know how to play volleyball" she said "can you teach me? coach said you're the ace"

"oh sure" iwaizumi gave her a thumbs up "but didn't shittykawa teach you already?"

"it didn't really work" she frowned "maybe you'd be a better teacher". iwaizumi sweat dropped as he heard a dramatic gasp followed by a thud from afar. he didn't even need to turn around to know that it was oikawa.

"sure, i'll teach you the basics" iwaizumi sent her a grin. "thank you!" she exclaimed happily before walking off and doing her work

"iwa-chan, you traitor!" oikawa exclaimed as he tried to tackle him down, only to be blocked by iwaizumi's arm. "shut up. its not my fault you can't even teach her how to hit a damn ball" iwaizumi rolled his eyes

"i can, okay! it's just her..." oikawa chuckled sheepishly "she doesn't know how to hit it properly"

"huh." iwaizumi hummed "maybe she's right, maybe you're just a shitty teacher."

"you'll see for yourself!"

"i can finally play volleyball!" she announced excitedly as she munched down on her food "really? how'd you learn that?" kindaichi mused with a soft laugh

"iwaizumi-san taught me! he's really good" she said with sparkling eyes

oikawa spluttered as he felt an imaginary arrow pierce his chest. "ah.. that's.. that's great y/n.. good job" he squeaked out with a quivering smile. "maybe you're right.. maybe i was just a shitty teacher" oikawa shamefully admitted to iwaizumi

beside her, oikawa silently sulked as he gloomily nibbled on his burger. "oikawa-san, i can finally serve too" she told him with a smile

"glad you're aware" iwaizumi snickered. "anyways, i'm gonna go ahead" iwaizumi said as he stood up and stretched. "i have a shit ton of work to do so i'll leave ya guys to it"

"iwaizumi-san, won't you walk with us?" y/n asked him "we're neighbours too right?"

"ah actually, sure-" iwaizumi cut himself off as he caught a glimpse of oikawa looming over her shoulder

the brunette was giving him an exaggerated frown, paired with his 'puppy dog eyes' and even some tears for the effect. its not that iwaizumi was swayed by the expression. frankly, he just didn't want to look at it any longer so he denied.

"actually.. you guys can walk together. i think my mom needs me now. stay safe though" he said. y/n nodded and waved him off while oikawa send him a grateful smile and a wave. iwaizumi simply flipped him off and waved the rest goodbye.

"so, anything else you want, y/n-chan?" oikawa cooed as he watched her chomp down her meal

"milkshake.." y/n muttered with a delighted look on her face. "milkshake it is!" oikawa exclaimed. he then turned to yahaba who was grumbling by the corner and grinned.

"cmon then, yahaba-kun~ she said she wanted a milkshake! chop chop!" oikawa chuckled. yahaba rolled his eyes but pulled out his wallet anyways. "why am i getting treated like this?" he silently sulked

"well you were the one who invited us after all" oikawa mused. "i invited y/n, not all of you!" yahaba whined

by the side, hanamaki and matsukawa simply watched, sneering and laughing to themselves while they ate. "this is gonna be a long night" hanamaki let out a sigh "who cares? yahaba's treating us" matsukawa shrugged

"i never said that!" yahaba shrieked out

"how do you feel?" oikawa asked her. "full.." she replied with a satisfied sigh "thanks for inviting me, everyone" she said

"no problem, y/n-senpai!" kindaichi replied as he and kunimi waved her goodbye "bye guys!" the rest of them said as the team dispersed to their own routes.

"guess its just us now" oikawa mused as he stuffed his hands in his jacket pockets. "right." y/n nodded as she slowly skated beside him

"sure, oikawa-san. i'd like that" she smiled

"let's walk together tomorrow too" oikawa suggested. "i'll invite iwa if you want"

"this'll be like our routine from now on" oikawa cheered "us three will be best friends in no time" he sent her a wink

"best friends.." she muttered "i already-"

"-have a best friend, i know" oikawa finished her sentence with a laugh "it's fine to have more than one best friend, ya know?" he mused

"more than one.." she hummed thoughtfully "someone other than reki..?" she muttered to herself

she looked down at her feet and her board, then back at oikawa and the slightly starry sky. it was quite similar to the daily routine she has with reki. skating together to school, eating out, and skating back home. it provided her a strange sense of deja vu.

"that sounds nice." she said with a smile

oikawa smiled back and put his hands behind his head as he walked. "yeah it does." he agreed

"i look forward to being best friends with you guys" she said

sorry for the spelling / grammar mistakes if there are any :<

"me too, y/n."

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wolfywolfy · 4 years ago

Note

hi! may i request some headcanons about julian's favorite hobbies? either when he was growing up or now

Ooooh I love this idea. I'll see what I can come up with!! (Sorry this got pretty long)

We know when he was younger he was always intrigued by tourists in Nevivon. I think maybe seeing so many people from different walks of life might have inspired him to be interested in acting and theatre. Maybe he became particularly good at telling tourists stories (usually ones that he heard from other tourists a while ago, but he was better at adding suspense and tension and, yknow, twisting the truth a little bit). Sometimes if he grew a crowd, some of the tourists would leave him small tips in the form of various world currency. He would keep it all in a bag tucked under his bed, and sometimes late at night he would look at the coins and study how they were different.

Also, Portia would LOOOOVEEEE to hear his stories while she was growing up. She would beg and beg and beg for him to tell her a new story every night before bed, and while Julian acted like he didn't like it, he actually loved spending the quality time with his sister. She was sharp as a tack even then though, so he had to come up with new stories fast or she would call him out on being "unoriginal".

Once Julian was able to join Mazelinka on her travels, he became the ship's sort of chore/scrub boy. He would handle anything that had to deal with cleaning or helping the crew out, like throwing out the cook's trash, tying down the masts, and most importantly, swabbing the deck. Julian actually enjoyed that last one a lot though, especially at night, because he could just stop and stare at the sea and take it all in. Being in the middle of the ocean always felt so right to him, maybe it was because of all the possibilities. When Mazelinka told him how to read the stars for navigation, she told him about a constellation that sat right above Nevivon -- he would always check on it those nights and think of Pasha.

While he was a battle medic, the only thing keeping him sane was to read. He would read any book he could get his hands on, and once he read them all he would read them again. There were a few nights where the camp was blissfully peaceful, and that was when he would go outside and stare at the stars and wish he was back in the middle of the ocean.

After adopting Brundle, his old dog, he used to try and play fetch with her. She was never very energetic though, and would just give him a look whenever he threw a stick for her. Eventually Julian gave up, but one day he came up with the idea of hiding treats for her around the house. She was a hound dog, after all, and she could sniff practically anything out. Julian loved to find a new place every day to hide a treat and watching Brundle sniff it out, usually within just a few minutes. He would give her the biggest hugs and pets once she found them!!

Julian writes letters a lot, he just hardly ever sends them. Not only is he the only one who can read his terrible handwriting, but it's more therapudic than anything. He's written the most letters to Portia, where he talked about his daily events, how he was feeling, asked her for advice... But he never sent any of them. He kept them all though, scattered around any desk he ever sat at for an extended period of time.

He loves to play card games at the Rowdy Raven. Everybody there cheats, including him, and it keeps everyone on their toes. Sometimes if he's lucky a fight will break out, and he just loves the chaos. Really gets the blood pumping! Don't worry though, he dips out before it gets too awful rowdy... much to his opponents chagrin. Julian is very slippery and somehow knows just how to sneak away when things start to get crazy.

Used to, when he, Nadia, and Asra were closer, Nadia would invite the two of them to afternoon tea. Julian would joke about it at first, but he actually loves the tiny teacups and saucers and figuring out where they came from, telling stories if he had ever been to their place of origin before, and just having a nice casual time with his friends. Plus he thinks tiny sandwiches are adorable.

Obviously he is a theatre nerd. He volunteers every once in a while at the community theater in South End, and auditions whenever he has the spare time. He doesn't ever expect to actually get a part, but whenever he does he gets super excited and motivated to be the best he can be. He loves performing and being loved by the audience, and he's sincerely touched whenever anyone he knows comes by to support him and the rest of the cast. Whenever he is in a show, he'll spend hours each night reading the script and deliberating on how certain lines should be delivered. He'll write notes to ask at the next rehearsal, like "what's my motivation when I'm talking to [xyz character]? Should I say this quietly to myself or should I project it to the audience?" etc etc etc. It's quite charming to see him so passionate.

After the events of the main story are over, he picks up reading again. He'll read practically anything, doesn't matter what. He still has insomnia sometimes and reading helps distract him from himself. He especially loves it if his significant other will brew some hot coffee for them to drink while they just spend time curled up together, his nose buried in a book. He won't admit it, but his favorite genre is those steamy romance books with the painted muscle men on the covers. Does he have reading glasses?? Yes. Does he look adorable in them??? Double yes.

Whenever he's at home, he ends up humming a lot of tunes to himself whenever it's quiet. If he realizes that his significant other is there, he'll break out into song and pull them into it. Sometimes it's old sea shanties he remembers from his time on Mazelinka's ship, sometimes it's folk songs the soldiers used to sing on the battlefield, sometimes it's just some pretty tune he heard however long ago. Around friends he acts as if his singing is terrible to get some laughs, but his voice is actually quite lovely and measured, he just only shares it with the person he cares for the most. If the song is more lively he'll pull them in for a dance around their home, spinning and spinning through each room... It's one of his favorite things.

Eventually he gets into writing and developing his own plays. It turns into a deep passion, where he longs to tell the stories he always told as a child to a greater audience. He feels like to some extent it's his purpose to be a storyteller, and his friends & family agree. He was always good at it, and playwriting is no exception. I'd like to think he becomes rather famous for it

Man absolutely does needlepoint and sometimes it looks awful but he's surprisingly adept at using the needle (he is a doctor / surgeon after all). Would love to teach you how to do it sometime.

#julian devorak #the arcana #the arcana game #arcana #headcanons #headcanon #also: sex #does that count as a hobby??#does now #anyways i just love the idea of jukian having a BUNCH of hobbies because he just loves to do so many things #sorry this got so long i just had ✨ideas✨#might add more one day if i can think of them #wolfy speaks

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wychive · 4 years ago

Text

𝙪𝙣𝙨𝙥𝙤𝙠𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨

summary // you found your pile of ‘letters’ to hyunjin that contain thoughts that have never been said and decided to write to him one last time.

pairing(s) // hyunjin x gn!reader, hyunjin x oc, slight minho x reader

genre(s) // angst, letter fic

warning(s) // mentions of food, themes of being forgotten, vulgar wording, humiliation, overthinking

word count // 2.0k

author's note // happy birthday @noya-sannnn !! im sorry this was so late hhh you know how i am irl,, but i hope you enjoy this! i love you so much, jane <3 i apologize for the many grammar mistakes gn. i recommend listening to iu’s ending scene while reading this! btw y/n/n means your nickname.

[10/01/14, 3:55am]

dear jinnie,

hi there! it's y/n <3 i hope you're doing okay - i mean of course you are pfft anyways, just writing this short letter (more like paragraph) sort of as a venting mechanism? for things i cant tell you about lol im not so sure how you would call it, since you're so much better at words than i am. basically were like:

hyunjin: ow a brain freeze!

me: haha brain go brrrr

anyways haha yea <3 it's 4am so like,, ill see you at school!

signed,

your loser,

y/n/n

[15/02/14, 12:34am]

yo heartthrob!

im back with this kinda stuff haha it's been a whole? week? since ive written one of these so like yes..hi! i just wanted to say thanks, for today. you really know how to cheer me up huh? you really outdid yourself by setting up that little picnic for us. congrats on making the strawberry cake so perfectly <3 this day will always stay as a core memory in the back of my brain. you're too caring sometimes,,, istg you'll pay for this [maybe hugs?] >:)

signed,

your partner in crime,

y/n/n

[30/02/15, 01:29am]

jinnie-senpai~~

LMAO you hate me calling you that, doesn't change a thing though. hehe,, nways i hope you enjoyed your birthday present :) i got you that really cool skateboard that you wanted. i worked my ass off for that in my mother's garden so like,, you gotta thank me for that a thousand times :D nah jk, its a sincere gift, from me to you. i rarely do this for ANYONE so consider yourself lucky to have a best friend like me -3- also, seungmin is like….kinda the cutest person ever. introduce me to him pls, thank!

signed,

<your bestest friend3,

y/n

(p.s. you're kinda cute too,,,, ig,,, still stinkee tho)

[13/04/15, 9:04pm]

hey 'baby' (HAHAHA ihy for this)

i hope your day was okay! i didn't see much of you today (which was sort of a bummer but wtv) so like…. uh yea. you told me you were doing okay over text, which kinda surprised me because like?? we always video call lol this is kinda the first time,, but its okay, i trust you! (i really hope youre doing alright tho, i'll beat anyone up if they make you sad >:( ) you also called me 'sweetheart' today which was like…. omg wtf haha????????? that was so weird to me for some reason… a good kind of weird :D we haven't done those kinds of nicknames in a while so…. happy to know that they're back in session <3 i talked to the new girl today, she's really cool! like she knows the bean song on tiktok so like its a total win heh, ill introduce you to her tomorrow! you'll love her a lot

signed,

your 'lover',

y/n/n

[08/06/16, 10:23pm]

hey howl (hehe go back to that movie night we had)

this spring break sucks so much,, esp because youre not here (you still couldve brought me along :'[ ) but wtv i hope youre enjoying yourself. ive been hanging out with yeonnie lately and i found out she likes conan grey too like pls i love her sm. can we adopt her?? please???? she told me you guys have been video calling too and that makes me so happy!! you two are getting along so well aaa my precious babies </3

what if you developed a crush on her? haha…..jk unless?? (no jk dont shes all mine, stay away >:) ) anyways, i hope the three of us hang out soon. maybe go to that ice cream parlour where they serve the best cookies and cream?

signed,

your daisy,

y/n/n

[19/07/15, 01:23am]

peepee poopoo hello

heyheyhey!! (heh, haikyuu thingz) i hope youre doing okay! i mean sure you are, with everything going so well. also i feel like you're not telling me something. maybe it's just me? is it? i hope it is because you tell me everything,, we've been talking less these days but its okay! i know how busy you are, especially with your dad always bugging you,,

also, i think yeonbin likes you :0,, she keeps talking about you whenever we hang out. don't get me wrong, its not bad that she likes you but...something doesn't feel right. i feel like i'm being the third wheeler here and like ugh idk. haha laughs yea i think its just me.. im sorry, i didnt mean to do you like this,, anyways, ill see you soon + her too ofc- yall are inseparable lmao

signed,

your moonlight,

y/n/n

[23/07/15, 01:56am]

greetings, kind sir

lol more like mean sir but like aight KSKSK,, anyways,, how have you been? we haven't really talked in a while,, our convos are always so short with it being one-sided :/ i wish you were online more. yeonnie is ignoring me,, do you know why? i think you do,,, but when i asked you just said you didnt know. did i do something wrong? pls tell me..

she blocked my contact the other day and she won't even smile at me when i pass her in the hallways. its,, sad and stressful especially because she was the only one that would genuinely talk to me. i hate to say this,, but i miss you. us, hanging out like the best trio we are, yknow? but i dont think you miss me the same way. sorry, im getting out of hand. i know im just overreacting. im just gonna sleep ig,, good night! sweet dreams,,

signed,

your pink lemonade,

y/n/n

[25/07/15, 03:25am]

hi there

i heard you and her got together?? congrats, jinnie! im so proud of you,, especially because you never had even considered getting a girlfriend a few months earlier lmaO you really woo the ladies huh? anyways,, i hope you've been well since we last talked,, how many days has it been?? i would say nearly a week or so but honestly it feels like a hundred years,, considering you and i used to talk every day. but you have her now to keep you company.

keep this a secret but can you possibly tell me why it hurts when i see her? or when i mention her or even think of her?? is it because she's connected to you? but.. you're my best friend, so why? is it because i miss you? is it because im alone now? is it because you left me with a simple 'i have to go now,, bye y/n/n.'? im not sure either. im being silly, i apologize. ill figure it out sooner or later. sweet dreams, jinnie

signed,

your asswipe,

y/n

[25/07/15, 04:30am]

jinnie

it's because i love you.

signed,

your butterfly,

y/n

[??/08/??, 05:??am]

you

i miss your lame jokes. i miss your smile. i miss your laughs. i miss your funny faces. i miss the way your eyes twinkle. i miss th way you would make me happy just by doing the bare minimum. i miss the disaster you made when cooking breakfast. i miss the night when you snuck me out just to go to that pretty lantern event. i miss when you would call out my name everytime we met. i miss when we would share earbuds in train rides. dont you get it, hyunjin? i miss you.

[??/??/15, ??:??am]

asshole.

please tell me that isn't true, please. you're too kind to do these kinds of things, right? + i was your best friend,, then, why, why did you hurt me like this. i didnt do anything wrong.. you couldve just told me you didnt like me,,, why did she have to tell me? out of all people.

youre so pathetic for this,, i thought you were brave, bold - but youre just a fucking coward. i loved you, i really did. and i realised too late… im sorry. she,, i shouldn't have talked to her in the first place, right? i bet you knew she humiliated me, in front of everyone. of course you did, you were the only one that knew. you told her. fuck, i hate you so much (yet why do i long for you on a night like this?). you know how much that'll affect me and yet, there you are, laughing about it with her.

signed,

fuck off,

you know who i am.

[31/08/15, 03:41am]

ah, jinnie

please tell me this is just a nightmare. please, please. stop just reading my texts, please answer them. jinnie. i miss you so much. i dont care bout her, please just let me be in your arms. i dont care if you love me back, please just talk to me at least. tell me what i did wrong,, jinnie,, please,,, clear these tear stains on my cheek with kisses.

signed,

your fuck-up,

y/n

[15/09/15, 04:59am]

jinnie

why do i keep crying because of you? its been a few weeks since everything has happened. please, nothing has changed. i still love you the same even with all the hatred i have pent up in this stupid brain of mine. i wish i could just walk back in time, to where it all began.

when i first met you in third grade and you pushed me while playing soccer or maybe when we took those ridiculous prom pictures, remember those? i hope you still have them,, because i do too. i hope the pictures of us on your wall still hang there,, it'll remind you of the happy times. hm,, maybe you don't need them.

you already have millions of pictures with you and her,, i bet you printed some and replaced those with ours right? sly dog.

signed,

friend,

y/n/n

[04/02/16, 12:57am]

hey

i went to the park today and saw both of you being happy. it's nice to see your smile again. im sorry i didnt go up to you,, i just thought it would be awkward. when i heard that adorable laugh of yours, it made me realise that i lost something special. but it's okay isnt it? as your happiness matters more than mine.

signed,

y/n

[06/01/20, 08:00pm]

dear hyunjin,

im doing fine here. how about you? gosh,, how long has it been? years? since we last talked to each other. i havent heard from you since. i would just like to say i still think of you sometimes, when watering the plants or dancing while making pancakes. sometimes i think you're here with me too, just being the pals we were.

sometimes i'd see you out, just reading a book in the park or buying pasta sauce at the grocery store. it's nice to see you having a stable life. im not sure if you're still with her or not, but its good to know that you still have that large friend group. also! you're never gonna guess who im dating--

it's minho! do you remember him? the one that i used to hate,, uh yeah. he asked me out the other day- you may wonder how tf,,, i too do not know how tf but he gives the best hugs ever. he gave me the love i wanted from you. he stitched my heart back together after it broke,, i love him so much, jinnie..

it's snowing,, do you remember when we would skate on the frozen lake in front of your house? are your parents well? i wonder if your mother still has those earrings i bought for her birthday. i never told you this but your laugh and hers sound so similar.

i would just like to say thank you, for everything. you were a big part of my life, up until now. when we see each other after this, we would just be strangers. maybe flash a little smile or give a little wave whenever we greet each other but nothing more. some memories of us would flow in every now and then but it'll just be a short teaser. well, i'll be going now. smile for me, okay?

signed,

the one that loved you the most,

y/n.

taglist // @/noya-sannnn, @crvgio , @neo-shitty

reply to be in my gen taglist!

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bthump · 4 years ago

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Ok so this is me, yknow on anon as promised bringing you something fun to answer fingers crossed! What's your take on possible future hill of swords moments? I feel like since then so much has changed storywise but if we're real neither guts nor griff really resolved anything about their feelings for eachother OR moved on so if they met again (by chance or by choice) what do you think would go down? A repeat of the last time or something brand new given guts' sort-of-development at elfheim?

ooh interesting question, ty!

tbh if I’m being genuinely speculative then I think that their next interaction is going to be an immediate fight in which Guts sees Griffith and goes beast of darkness and maybe kills some of the rpg group as collateral damage, based on the scene in Casca’s dreamscape where dog Guts loses it when seeing pterodactyl Femto and nearly destroys the coffin.

But it sounds like their next interaction won’t be their last, so maybe after that we can start getting somewhere with their unresolved emotions. I don’t have any real concrete ideas for this though. Basically I think Guts and Griffith are both avoiding confronting their lingering feelings in what could legit be a deliberate parallel to the year between Guts leaving and the Eclipse back in the Golden Age, and I want closure this time.

Well, again being genuinely speculative, I think we won’t get that closure til the actual climax of the story, but we will get it. So this basically comes back to how I think Berserk will end lol, which is Guts and Griffith getting a moment of emotional connection right before one or preferrably both dies, acknowledging each other as their true lights in the surrounding darkness, a la Ganishka’s final scene (or even the King’s death to go further back), and finding fulfillment in killing each other/dying together.

The dream is for this to happen in a slow-paced 3rd duel type scene where they have lots of time and space to talk, rather than an action-packed fight w/ Guts in beast of darkness mode and Griffith leveled up into Femto or w/e.

To be more detailed, and to feel more like a call-back to Hill of Swords, I think Griffith should be the first to get the ball of emotional truth rolling by admitting he was wrong then and he isn’t free of his feelings after all. Guts gets fucked up about it and says a lot of angry stuff that boils down to ‘I was pretty much in love with you back in the day and I’m still not over it and I’m mad about that,” Guts lashes out first and Griff is on the defensive and both are kind of reeling from this exchange and neither actually wants to kill the other.

(Those are the necessary revelations specifically imo, that Griffith isn’t emotionless after all and his heart is still bthumping for Guts, and that Guts loved Griffith the whole time and never saw Griff as a monster pre-Eclipse, because those are their specific misunderstandings about each other right now.)

I think at this point I’ve settled on the two of them falling from a height as a parallel to Griffith catching Guts on the hand at the start of the Eclipse, but Guts drags Griffith down with him this time and Griff lets him, as my ideal griffguts death, but I’d accept plenty of others too as long as the catharsis is there.

Also this is assuming fetus/moonbaby is neutralized and out of the picture by then of course, but tbqh all my hopeful speculation assumes that lol.

Ooh and another possibility is that Griffith learns Guts never hated him pre Eclipse but Guts doesn’t learn that Griffith still has feelings, which would be kind of a reverse of their state of understanding pre-Eclipse (in which Griffith believed Guts left him to get away from him and Guts realized Griffith loved him). Maybe that would fit better with a potential non-climactic confrontation in which like, Guts goes beast of darkness and Griffith takes off again. NGriff is so placid that Miura just continuing to write him nearly the same way he has been would work imo, it would leave the reader to fill in the blanks of how he’s feeling but we’d know by that point that he IS feeling, which could be cool.

Then Guts would learn his side of things at the climax, and they’d die together in an emotionally satisfying way, and it would be good.

lmk if you (or anyone else) have any ideas for another hill of swords style scene!

#Anonymous #ask #theme: speculation #headcanons #ship: griffguts #theme: true light #theme: ending #character thoughts

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wherearemyglassesbro · 5 years ago

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Alternative careers for the Allies:

I see a lot of the same careers picked for them (baker, librarian, etc) so I’m gonna go out on a limb, maybe even into...OOC territory :0 we will see where this journey leads us

Alfred: A surfing instructor! Alfred is kind and adventurous and though he can be silly he is also strong. He values the saftey of his students very much!! He’s excited to show them the wonders of surfong and just how fun it is to be out on the waves! He is always so proud of them when they surf their first big wave on their own! He’s whooping and hollering and cheering them on from the beach :D He drives a bright blue jeep and when his students see him out and about they all honk at him and he thinks it’s hilarious :D He’s a guest judge at a lot of small surf competitions and he’s also a fantastic announcer too!! He just!! Loves surfing! Seeing kids love it too makes him beyond happy!

Ivan: Ivan is a tv host with his own renovation show stationed in Hawaii. He takes small, run down homes and turns them into livable spaces with a tropical feel. Ivan built up his reputation bakc home in Russia and moved to the US. From there he signed deals with tv companies and bam! He got a show. He has always wanted to live on a warm island somewhere and now he gets to share his passion for renovation with thousands of viewers! He offers tips for DIYs throughout his show and he does his best to bring Hawaiian culture into the homes he builds/fixes. He incorporates all sorts of environmentally friendly fixtures and nature inspired patterns all over! And the best part? He’s there to walk families through the space and shake their hands when they buy it! Even though Ivan is huge and intimidating, in his show he’s seen in khaki shorts, Hawaiian shirts, sandals and socks most of the time. Also, can’t forget a constant sunburn and an intense tan line from his watch on his wrist lmao

Francis: A ballet teacher! Fran is kind but he can be harsh with his words on occasion. He never wants to make his dancers feel terrible about themselves the way other instructors do but when he’s frustrated he may sling around insults “Are you in kindergarten? Because only kindergarteners would point their foot like that! It’s pathetic! I’ve taught you better in the past six years, havent I?” When he teaches, he doesn’t just stand to the side and yell, he performs the motions and stretches with his students! If they’re gonna put this much work into his class then he should too. His students are very aware of his expectations and when they meet those expectations he showers them with compliments! He’s so proud of his dancers, each and every one. They can all easily see his smiling face in the crowd when they’re on stage! And he visits his graduated students when they’re on bigger stages :’)

Yao: Interior designer :0 Yao has extravagant tastes! I can see him as an interior designer for the rich $$$ He keeps what they like in mind and he’ll carefully pick out each and every piece of furniture based on his clients personalities and favorite colors. If they have a pet he’ll add special touches like a gold bird perch or a suede dog bed ;) While he makes sure everything is nice, he’ll pick certain expensive things on purpose just cause! Its his job but sometimes, watching rich people blow their money on silly things is funny to him. His own home is furnished nicely but not too crazy. His pride and joy is his livingroom where his fish tank is :) When a client has a fish tank??? He won’t shut up about it and he’ll make extra sure to emphasize that fish tank! He’ll put good accents in there (safe for the fish of course) and bling out the walls around the fish tank to make other people look at it! He just...loves fish a lot. He incorporates fish art and imagery into a lot of the homes he works in/on

Arthur: uh oh...Artie. Art is naturally sarcastic so what could be a better job for him than a food critic? He couldn’t cook a chicken tender to save his life but he has a great palette. He’ll pick apart dishes and leave scathing reviews and people listen!! Cause he’s persuasive, he writes very well and he articulates his points perfectly. It’s also rather funny when he writes Gordon Ramsay style insults about the food if it’s bad lol. He isn’t just mean though, before he leaves any restaurant he offers genuine advice. He’ll help the owners and cooks figure out what went wrong and how they can do better in the future! He’s a jerk but he isn’t totally evil! He wants to see restraunts succeed!!! He often revisits places he hated just so he can see if they improved!

Matthew: Mattie...is a shoe maker! Not just any kind of shoes, oh no!! He makes high quality hiking boots and other kinds of work boots. He’s a working man and he sees the importance of having food footwear to keep you going throughout the day. His boots are all waterproof, thick soled, warm interior, and many have metal inserts in the toes. If you’re working with machinery, metal toed shoes may just save your toes one day and Matt gets that! He’s made a ton of money off of his boots! All of that money’s going into his big ol’ cabin where he hopes that one day he’ll get to raise a family in :’) He’s in commercials for his boots too so people recognize him...which is a little embarrassing. He’s lowkey rich but he wants to live like a normal guy yknow? He doesn’t think he’s anything special, he’s just a guy who makes affordable boots for workers. Please don’t take pictures...Look away!! He’s just getting groceries like a normal guy! Nothing to see here! Just normal guy business!!

#aph #hetalia #headcanons #aph france #aph england #aph america #aph canada #aph china #aph russia #aph allies #hetalia headcanons #hetalia writing #ask away #ask away!#always up for hc requests

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shihozaki · 4 years ago

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Hi, love!!! I was wondering if I could get a male haikyuu matchup? I’m a Gemini, enfp and a ravenclaw. I’m super outgoing, friendly and I love making new friends! I’m also overly dramatic, loud, sarcastic, spontaneous and immature at times too. I laugh a lot and cry a lot(kind of a paradox I know) and also have the habit to laugh when I’m crying so the people around me don’t feel bad about me crying? It’s weird I know? Anywaysssss my hobbies are baking, playing volleyball, reading fantasy novels, doing makeup on myself or others and sleeping!!!! My favourite color is teal, it just relaxes me and calms me and is just super nice to look at yknow? I also have super irrational fears of being abandoned, not liked by my friends and heights(despite loving roller coasters??). I find confidence, intellect and a similar childish humour to mine super sexy in potential partners. I also love cats, will literally try to pet every single cat I see, be it on the road or under a car, I WILL try to pet it. I’m also currently studying to become a doctor because I love bio and chem(mostly because they’re my best subjects) and Im a bit of a nerd. So for my appearence, I’m 5’4, have an hourglass figure and am pretty busty. I have very long wavy, black hair till my butt with round, brown eyes. I have soft features and I get told my smile(the one with teeth) is pretty and warm. I’m sorry for the rant but I hope this is enough!! And also tysm if you do this, muahhh 💕

Thank you for requesting! I also love fantasy novels :)

I pair you up with Yuji Terushima!

- Terushima approached you first, asking for your number. He didn’t expect to get it in first try but he was ecstatic that he did.

- First date went super well, you guys went to a cafe and then ended up doing makeup on each other for fun. He immediately asked you to become his girlfriend.

- He can’t bake AT ALL, he once tried to help you but it ended in a flour fight (where you guys just threw flour at each other, which btw, is super fun, you should actually try it sometime). But he loves eating your food :)

- He WILL brag about his girlfriend to EVERYONE.

- You guys both really love cats, and you guys even went to a cat cafe once for a date.

- Texts you everyday! He uses lots of memes to communicate

- He’s lowkey smart, but he often tries to have fun instead of thinking things out. You guys both get into fun troubles, but its all worth it at the end since you get a ligah out of it :)

- He’s the biggest cheerleader? Like he will hype you up no matter what you do? Like you could be putting eyeliner on yourself and he will just compliment you about it.

- You guys are kind of known as the “it” couple at school, since both of you guys are naturally charismatic and good looking.

- His love language is words of affirmation so he will compliment you A LOT. He says the words “good girl” a lot-

- Overall you guys are a mess, but a GOOD mess. You guys hype each other up and bring out the best out of each other. It's never a dull day with both of you, and you can guarantee that Yuji is looking at rings even though you guys are in high school.

Scenario: You guys are at a cat cafe!

“THIS IS TOO CUTE, I CAN’T BREATHE!” You squealed as you picked up the nearest kitten from a table. Yuji quickly whipped out his phone and started to take pictures of you and the kitten. “I can!t tell what’s cuter, my girlfriend or the cat!” He laughed. You pretended to be wooed, clutching your heart as you giggled. “How do I look in the photo? Do I look good?” You asked, putting the cat down. “You always look good babe.” Terushima kissed the top of your head before guiding you to a table. You guys ordered your drinks and food, and began to play with the cats. “This one’s name is Rufus. Isn’t Rufus a dog’s name?” You wondered. “This one’s name is Joe.” Said Terushima, eyeing you. You simply laughed. Your boyfriend didn’t think you were that stupid, did he? “I am not falling for another Joe mama jokes, I swear-” Terushima groaned. “You’re no fun.” You rolled your eyes. The waitress dropped off your drinks and before leaving, she informed you guys that the cat Rufus and cat Kimmy (AKA “Joe”) were a couple. “So it’s like a double date.” Suggested Yuji, making you burst into laughter. “Aw, that’s so cute. A cat couple!” You stroked Rufus’s back, making the cat purr. “Can cats get married?” Yuji mumbled. You shrugged. “Why not? They just won’t be aware of it, I guess.” “Will we get married?” Questioned Terushima. You laughed. “Yuji-” “What, I’m just asking! I think we should start saving up for our marriage now, and plan everything.” You smiled. Your boyfriend was such a child sometimes, just saying whatever comes into his mind. But that’s what you liked about him. “Alright then, let's start planning, who do you want your best man to be?” Yuji shrugged. “My man Joe.” “Who’s Joe?”

Oh.

Song: Starships by Nicki Minaj

Thank you for requesting, criticism is totally welcome! I hope to see you again :)

#haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyu x reader #matchup #matchups open #x reader #terushima fic

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bobzora · 3 years ago

Text

official persona 5 character review

i have only played up to the end of the third palace but i won’t be able to play for a few weeks because my sibling has ABANDONED ME (single tear) and we play together. and i’m bored. so HERES MY REVIEW of all the major characters so far. under read more because i do tend to ramble

- mc/joker (bob johnson)

why is my silent video game protagonist a catboy. it’s funny to me how much personality he manages to have despite being. yknow. a blank slate to project on. charisma! the dialogue options when you’re talking to shadows that are like “girl power!” live in my mind. joker is a girlboss to me. feminism win

- ryuji

he’s like one of those very excited big dogs where you’re like “oh good for you buddy! oh yeah buddy!” but you’re also just like man this is a bit much. on one hand he’s a very good guy but on the other hand sometimes i feel a very strong urge to insult him or just be mean to him in general, often for no particular reason. i like him i really do he just has that kind of personality. he’s a bro. his pirate thing is funny i know they’re named after like. historical figures/characters in literature(?) but captain kidd sounds so. it’s funny ok. it’s funny. he’d be a backyardagain. i like how he’s a mamas boy that’s cute. sorry about your leg buddy. he’s very. naive isn’t the right word but something like that. i still want to bully him. his grin looks dumb (endeared)

- morgana

i think it’s funny how big his head is when he’s in his metaverse mascot form he’s like a bobblehead i want him to fall over from the weight. the gags about his puppy crush on ann and his dislike of being called a cat are ANNOYING like sorry about your identity crisis but i really don’t care. he is cute sometimes though it’s not like i hate him but he’s a little annoying! you know! i’m not big on mascot characters in general haha

- ann

i adore ann she is cute and great and she deserves a lot better get this girl a better costume PLEASE. at the start of the game i was already rooting for her hardcore cause everyone was being terrible to her (very common occurrence that happens to like every character i have noticed. Society) and then she had that thing where she was like “let’s have him continue to live so he can suffer more” and i was like HELL YEAH ann is always saying the truth man. other thieves like “yah it wouldn’t be moral to kill them” (tho they’re cool with the mind control lol 🤔) but ann’s like “idc about that lol i just want him to suffer” SO TRUE. so true. i like her pigtails

- yusuke

ngl before i started playing i kind of already knew that i’d like this guy. i didn’t know much about him other than gay little artist but i knew. i was right. i am incredibly fond of this guy. partially because i too am a weirdo artist with parental issues (his persona awakening had me like *vibrates*) but mostly because he is just so funny. look at this guy! look at his stupid little tail! i lost my mind while doing his first confidant event thing he is GREAT. VERY cool. i just really like him. i could sit there and listen to his long impassioned speeches for a long time

- makoto

i was a big fairy tail fan in early middle school (unfortunate) and i play in dub so every time she opens her mouth i can only hear lucy/every other dub character her va has voiced cause there’s lots of them. ok first of all i’m not a big fan of her character archetype. yknow the straight laced student council president type. nothing personal just not my thing yknow! i do sympathize with her Issues of being useful and being used by the adults around her ofc but i’m not like INVESTED invested. tbf i haven’t known her too long. what’s his face mafia guy’s palace didn’t feel as personal as the last couple which probably contributes to that (underwhelming). on the other hand i really like that she has a motorcycle i was like ?! QUEEN and then THAT WAS HER CODENme??? very cool of her. i don’t care about her that much but i do think she is cool. if i were to encounter her irl i would be so intimidated

- akechi

he has not joined the team yet but he obviously will. i have not seen much of him yet but i do have many opinions. i did know he was this games komaeda archetype before playing because of the sheer amount of arguing i can vaguely remember scrolling past about him but even if i didn’t i would’ve instantly been able to tell. he’s fake as hell. i lose it every other sentence whenever he’s on screen WHO IS THIS GUY. “thesis antithesis *pretentious stuff*” “woowwwww you’re so interesting ^-^” “woahh look we happen to have met waiting for the train teehee” (whenever he pops up in those train scenes it feels like a jumpscare) there is a high percentage chance that i will like this guy a lot. there is a precedent for me really liking that sort of character and he is very entertaining. i hope he is just so unhinged. i mean there’s like a 99% chance he’s the ~mysterious guy causing all the accidents~ and also the “heh kid u were betrayed by one of your own” guy. so. he gives me the vibes of one of those really tiny cutesy dogs who are just incredibly aggressive. funny to me how ryuji hates him to an absurd degree like buddy chilll yeah he sucks but wowww. i LOVE that stupid doodle of him on the classroom chalkboard. the anime sparkles. his hair is ugly btw. we met on 6/9 which turns me into a 12 year old. i enjoyed our silly little tv debate

- futaba

i’m 99% sure that’s the name of the girl with the orange hair and glasses? i haven’t met her yet. she does the hackerman typing thing in the opening which is cute. i’m just mentioning her because i think she’s cute. she’s a techie with orange hair so i’ll probably like her

- fluffy brown hair girl

only character in the game art i haven’t mentioned so i kind of have to so it’s fair. she looks kind?? very fluffy. fluttershy is probably her favorite my little pony. she would eat bread

IN CONCLUSION everybody here needs therapy and also i’m mad that i got invested in a game with time / resource management / stealth mechanics :/ . the battle system is very cool. also the menus are the best character they’re SO sexy

#bobtalk #i have other thoughts bc i’m That Guy but have the rambles of someone who isn’t even halfway done with the game #i want to gnaw on something #please ignore the number of times i said “like” this isn’t an english essay ok. ok?

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