#so eepy but we persist

[absolutelynotsanebaby]

Hes really stupid

[lesbeanies-stuff]

Tis 4 am

Eepy

Must persist

Got things to hyperfixate with, people to please, places to panic about

[fabrickind]

so how in the absolute fuck did Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku save your life

LMAO a couple people have been wondering this so I'll tell the story.

tl;dr: if you are having severe medication side effects, get off that med.

In fall of 2017 I came down with a nasty migraine(? probably?) that disabled me to the point of being pretty much non-functional. I had to quit my job, I could barely leave bed, was in too much pain 24/7 to sleep properly and when I did sleep it was nothing but dreams about being in pain, the works.

I went through a LOT of different medications and diagnostics (MRI, spinal tap, you name it) to try to fix this problem. It never fully went away, but Botox ended up getting me functional again.

One of the medications they put me on, Topamax, was very bad for me. I did the proper ramping up of dose, got to the correct dose, and everything was so much worse. I was having hallucinations, visual disturbances, overall a bad time.

Around this time I was also having issues with word recall. I would mean to say one thing but a totally different word would come out, or I couldn't think of a word at all. Usually this was when I was super tired, so I just chalked it up to my brain being mush due to pain and fatigue (my brain is often soup when I have a migraine, let alone one that severe for going on several months at that point) and mostly ignored it, since i had more pressing problems.

Around this time the neurologist I saw also saw my symptoms and side effects and the fact that the med wasn't helping up to that point and said "well all of that will get better with time" and wrote me a prescription for quadruple (!!) my dose (without ramping up either).

THANKFULLY, just before this happened, I was in the car, fully awake, having a relatively good day, and what comes on my iPod shuffle but our old friend Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku. I was singing along, well, trying to, but I would open my mouth and only gibberish would come out, and not even the correct gibberish. I thought "that's concerning" and tried again. More gibberish.

I had remembered that my now partner (this was just before we started dating) was briefly on Topamax for migraine prevention and had word recall issues, but that hers persisted for a long time after she stopped.

So I called up my GP and said "uhhh here's my side effects (including the aphasia issues, the neurologist knew about those) and the dose he wants me on, should I do this?" and she basically said "wtf no stop the med right away."

If I hadn't had the issues with very much the wrong sounds coming out of my mouth when singing, I probably would have believed the neurologist and suddenly started a quadruple dose of the med, which would have caused even worse side effects, and side effects that were permanent, or at least MUCH longer lasting than the maybe month or so of continued visual issues and mild word recall issues I ended up with. (Also my overall health improved and I had less of the extreme eepies I had on the med once I stopped.) Luckily I was only on it for maybe two weeks at that point?

So "ZUM saved my life" is probably an exaggeration, but "ZUM prevented continued and long-lasting neurological problems" is absolutely not. It seems like sometimes the cognitive impairments go away for people after stopping Topamax, but for people who have been on high doses and/or for a long time, it sometimes doesn't, even after years.

So thanks, Utena, for my life, literally this time.

[tundrakatiebean]

I am so eepy and I’m not gonna be able to focus for beans today. But we persist and continue to make ourselves a nuisance.

[not-actually-human]

HI ATLAS WAVING AT U HOW ARE YOU!!!!! my second show of the day is in an hour so i gotta get in costume soon :3 had lunch and am eepy but we persist!! ok and after the show i get to go to a 24 hour diner with friends . stereotypical theatre experience. anyways how r u!!! im happy and emotional bc tomorrow is closing night :(

im good! we actually have 2 minutes till our show starts (second night) and we close tomorrow as well!! hope it goes well for you dude im sending you so many hugs and so much luck !!! it will be great!!!

[unfilteredrealities]

Life Update

today is such a shitty day.

first i woke up confused what day it is and the second i realised i have a body i felt that today is a bad flare day...

then i stayed in bed for a while until i was able to get out of bed

my anxiety is crippling me since a week now and its like more than the baseline anxiety i experience, its to the point im on the verge of panic attacks but im glad im catching it in time to ground before it escalates but im sure i wont be able to catch all of them before

managed to put laundry to wash bcs i was postponing that for a while and i was running low on clean clothes and underwear and socks so it was needed.

lunch was ok i guess

then i was eepy from lunch and fell asleep

woke up in the afternoon and hung up the laundry but before that i tried to comfort my mom bcs she is currently sick and she was annoyed she cant be active and go to the farmers market to buy fresh veggies and all that and i told her this whole last week she was very active bcs her body working hard to heal her from the bronchitis she has and i guess she calmed down.

then she went back to bed , i hung the laundry , ended up having a pots episode and a meltdown and started to cry and dissociate for a while rocking on the 100 year old rocking chair we have until i snapped out and finished hanging up the laundry but the last 3 clothing pieces i just threw on the drying rack bcs i had zero spoons and fucks to give

went back to bed and cried

ordered food bcs mom asked me to order pizza for dinner so i did

all good, food was nomnom

then i played some fortnite idk how i am still decent even if i didnt play in a long while still managed to get to 4th place

now i am blasting music into my ears with my skullcandy headphones that have extra bass to decompress my silly brain.

missing my partner a lot but im counting the days down till vacation soon and me being able to see him for almost 2 weeks.

super worried tho bcs my chronic illnesses are cursed as fuck lately and i do not like that...idk how im gonna be able to walk lot, not have pots episodes, 24/7 pain, fatigue and stuff...

at least i have a collapsible walking cane to help me.

i realized im still not able to accept im fucked health wise and i cant function the way i used to in the past where i had no issues with walking, doing many things, no heart issues etc.

now i have to think if i have the spoons to go in my lunch break at work to the store or no

if i can take the bus back home or not bcs if too full i have to stand and i will faint if standing too long due to pots and feeling like im doing a plank but while standing

i feel ashamed im taking an uber to work and back home nowadays instead of walking 25-30min (like 1.5km which is not much at all and in the past i had no issues walking that distance) im daily scared that the drivers will judge me for taking an uber. Cab drivers would have filled an imaginary fridge with lots of swearing if i would have gotten one for that distance...

but alas im using uber since 3 years to get to work, 2 1/2 years i either walked partially or took the bus i guess..

today i feel like giving up bcs of my own hardships

bcs of life events and me hating how fucked the world is

bcs why am i even persisting staying alive

i noticed that at work im less talkative, only if its needed like talkative in the sense when we dont have calls bcs when clients call i unfortunately have to speak to them so yeah but besides of that im less haha hihi shenaningans...a coworker noticed im less talkative but i was like just tired all good (like i didnt lie im tired but its not the normal tired)

anyway idk where i wanted to go with this.

sorry for the long word vomiting

stay safe, ur loved and valid and im rooting for ya!!!!

[cepheusgalaxy]

As i wanted, ive managed to finish both prompt fills (yesterday's + today's) and still got much time today to do Stuff, so i can work on:

Bachira drawing

Start yugioh drawing i decided im gonna do

BHM drawing

Tomorrow's promot fill

Espa worldbuilding

But i dont wanna draw bc ive already drawn lots. Plus im feeling. Whats the word. Lazy. Eepy. Idk. Preguiça. Which i suspect is bc i didnt have any snacks so im gonna eat and if this Persists we can try and watch some show to unwind

[shirogane-oushirou]

RO, HI HI!!! I'M HERE TO ASK YOUR REN SOME VALENTINEY THINGS ☺️💖💖💖

Rosy Brown, Misty Rose, and Chocolate Cosmos if you don't mind, hehe!! Also I hope you and him have a really sweet and relaxing fun V-day together ☺️✨️

♡• @rockstars-babe •♡

HIE REFFIEEEE!!! 💖 thank you for sending these heheee~~ took me a couple days longer than i hoped to answer this kJNSAKJFN but. i had a lot to say and no brain power to say it LMAO. our valentines was very eepy sleepy so we're going to have a belated valentines day, maybe in a couple of days once i can finish some valentines art who said that. 👀

Rosy Brown: How do some of the closest people in both of your lives (such as family, close friends, etc) feel about your relationship? Any notable positive and/or negative?

in general, i think most people in our lives approve…? there are nuances for each ren, but like. for doc! and v!ren, his coworkers think he's become more… personable? i guess? he's a little more open, a little more vulnerable, a little less reliant on his mask. he's always been FRIENDLY, and he doesn't necessarily HIDE things like his interests, but he also isn't super open about things until he's more comfortable with himself in a general sense. r!ren's coworkers are like "oh he's WAY friendlier, he doesn't immediately fight back if someone's kind of an asshole to him, PLEASE keep it up" LMAO ;;; his dnd group coworkers would doubly appreciate that ldksml. my friends, selfship and from college, would probably like any version of him tbh... nice and sociable, shares interests, doesn't have any of the worrying features my college friends have seen from partners of people around us... i think he might set off some slight alarm bells from how strong he comes on to me at the start, but that's more like a beige flag if anything KJNASDJK. it'd only be a problem if they knew about what doc! and v!ren do later... which goes for anyone around us tbh hghghg. his sister cass and i get along in all verses ksjdnfkjn, but especially in r!ren's verse (they live together so i see her more often); she's seen all of his past relationships and is like "oh this person is chill? and my brother genuinely likes them instead of just liking the fact that he's in a relationship? sick. they're Family now." and i haven't really fleshed her out yet, but i think her daughter would at least not Dislike me lmao? i could see her being a little jealous that when her uncle comes to visit he spends some of his time being ~gross~ with this other person, and she may have seen his previous partners and expect me to be the same, but after some time she'd realize i'm sticking around and i'm not as detached as those other people were…. plus kids like me bc i can draw things for them so KJSDNFKJNSFK that'd definitely persuade her ;;; no matter what i think she'd be mostly cordial; she's a sensible kid, just like her mom! both of our parents, though……. he wants to keep me as far away from his parents as possible ;; not only does he want to cut contact for his sake (and r!ren already has), but they'd also look down on me for my disability issues. and my mom's… well… she'd "like" doc! and v!ren for superficial reasons, and she'd dislike r!ren for equally superficial reasons but tolerate him bc she thinks any kind of romantic relationship > being alone. same with my aunt; she'd just be more upfront and vocal about it. my cousin… would see him a bit more as a real person, though i think she'd still have some unfair judgements. and FINALLY jkdnsfkj, r!ren's grandparents. i think they'd like me as a person, but they'd be worried that we'd have difficulty with things like living together from a financial standpoint. which is fair tbh. if we could figure that out, they'd be gucci lmao.

Misty Rose: If your fo wanted to plan something big and special for you, who would they go to for help/ advice? A close friend of theirs, a close friend of yours, etc? Or are they persistent on doing it by themselves?

oh, he'd go to cass for SURE. she's good at reading people, as part of her job; in doc! and v!ren's cases, she's the one who nudges him into acknowledging the feelings he was trying so hard to ignore, bc she saw just how Pubby (tm) he was around me hhghgh. and in r!ren's case, of course, they live together, so it's only natural that she would find out about his crush. he has strong observation skills of his own thanks to his people-pleasing nature, but he also constantly second-guesses himself; he'd appreciate having someone to bounce ideas off of or ask for advice, especially if that someone also has good observation skills and may have noticed things he hasn't… doesn't mean he wouldn't fumble things in the end, though, lol. cass: "you could take them to a nice rooftop restaurant, drop some hints that you may be interested them." doc! and v!ren: /takes me to the restaurant, proceeds to drunkenly ask me if he could kiss me before he even asks me out/ and while doc! and v!ren would have a good idea of nice and fun places and restaurants to go to, because he likes to roam around the city during his off time to take his mind off of things, r!ren lives in a rural area where going anywhere requires a car. plus... money. cass would probably have a better idea of good places to go ;;

i already answered chocolate cosmos here, so i'll do what you did and choose another one~ >:3

Jasper: What's a song that reminds your f/o of you? A song that they'll hear and will always think of you.

Nearly Witches by P!ATD for doc! and v!ren 💛 How does a heart love if no one has noticed Its presence, and where does it go? Trembling hands play my heart like a drum But the beat's gotten lost in the show You have set your heart on haunting Me forever from the start It's never silent Fineshrine by Purity Ring for r!ren 💙 That I might see with my chest and sink Into the edges 'round you Into the lakes and quarries that brink On all the edges 'round you, 'round you, 'round you Get a little closer, let fold Cut open my sternum and pull My little ribs around you The lungs of me be crowns over you

(ask game here)

[jules-makes-stuff]

I find it interesting how humans as omnivores and persistance predators find most external attributes of predators cute, but find herbivores alien and strange when looked at too closely.

Sure, a sheep is cute, but horizontal pupils? Terrible. Horns? Put it on every monster. Cloven hoofs and the devil are more related due to anti-pagan sentiments in the church, but still. Meanwhile your cat can yawn and show a literal toothy maw of death and awww, he's just a little eepy guy.

Sure, most monsters we make want to eat us, or worse, but how often does the monster actually look like a carnivore? How often is it just a wolf or big cat? And how many flavours of "fucked up dear" and "horse, but wrong" are there?

The most common actual carnivore like monsters I see are reptiles, which too are other from us, distanced. That, or they are such an indescribable amalgamation of limbs that they are no longer beholden to biology at all.

The whole point of this ramble is that I feel like it's less scary when something we know is dangerous is dangerous. We already know that, we are prepared for that.

But something seemingly harmless being wrong, being harmful, the hunted becoming the hunter, there is something so tasty about it, something so scary. Add some traits foreign to us, and a dear that stands up is so much more haunting than a literally 5000 toothed death machine.

[fallen--leafs]

Dawn 3

Day breaks, and people make some realisations. Honey, for one, has discovered the Rush of Killing. She strikes out, finally leaving the cave completely abandoned, and comes across Fina. But… Blood is so cheap. Fina had a freezing cold night, little to no sleep, there is a soreness in their bones… Killing them would be too easy. So Honey goes full persistence hunter; not moving fast, but ever-moving.

Harlow and Achilles too wake up thirsting for blood—Not in the vampire way, but y’know. Many tributes do, actually! Let me go over that first.

The camps redistribute:

Achilles and Harlow decide you know what? Not Killing Each Other is a vibe. And honestly that whole Sabbat rhetoric maybe has some points. So they stick together, on a lil hunting trip,, and they find Prince Len? Of All people? In his little shack, which by now I imagine is quite cozy. Sorcha departed earlier, leaving some of her sponsored food behind, but citing no intention to come back. So now Prince Leo’s like You Know! I Could Kill :) And they move on together.

From our group last night (Hubert, Cherry, Cecil & me), we all are pretty eepy. Killing as a Human is Not As Easy as with Potence. At least we’re not losing touch of humanity anymore!! So that’s nice. Anyway, Hubert got a little scratched up while fighting Rex, so he’l like,,, “Yeet I’m gonna take care of this” and walks off. To find a safer, higher ground. Cherry, I imagine, calls us licks and also leaves. Why did he even work with us in the first place?? It doesn’t even make sense. At least there’s a tribute gone. He sayonara’s away, gets out of eyesight…. And decides to follow Hubert. He’s already injured, right? Two birds one stone. :)

Tick and Duncan meanwhile want to go out and kill, but Robbie isn’t feeling it. The two go out anyway, promising to be back soon… Perhaps with extra weapons, or supplies! Gonna be worth it. Robbie and Mattia get to hang out for a bit and… I imagine Mattia drops some god-awful takes on the value of ghosts, or something. Now, Duncan isn’t a ghost anymore, but it’s the principle, you know? So when Prince Len, Harlow and Achilles show up, Robbie makes a quick decision!! And just starts whaling on Mattia. Either they all jump in and help or they jump in and kill both… But Robbie trusts that he is loved. And he is, surprisingly. At least he is not hated by any vampire faction, I guess, and that helps. Mattia is still new on dash, and unfortunately… He causes the first cannon shot of the day.