#so dont quote me a hundred percent

[the-kings-of-games]

The "ー" isn't "ichi"; in katana spelling, it means an extended vowel sound. So "コー" is "kō" or "kou." The stylization makes is harder to see, but the "ヨ" in the first pic is actually smaller to make "シ" ("shi") into "ショ" ("shio").

Either spelling seems right tbh because both "レー" and "レイ" sounds practically the same, "rei" or "ree." Katana words are mainly borrowed words from other languages written for Japanese pronounciation, so spelling might not be entirely standardized. It might just be how Takashi liked to write it when he made up Kaiba Corp; the YGO wiki is not official, and someone might have used another spelling. I think if you want to stay truer to the original source material, perhaps what the official JPN sites and manga would be best.

Hope this helps!

Hey YGO peeps I'm trying to make a pattern but I keep finding Kaiba Corporation spelled two different ways in Japanese. The first image is from the YGO store and the second is Wikipedia. Which one's correct??? The YGO site seems to use "ichi" (which doesn't make sense to me?????????) while Wikipedia and other sites I've read use the Katakana "i."😩

[mossterunderthebed]

[imaginelegends]

ITS HIM

ITS LA PIETA

but seriously, I feel like this one screenshot encapsulates my... hesitations about season 2. because honestly... it's shaping up to be Mid, and I mean that in the traditional meaning of the word.

1. It's good, nothing to complain

2. No overly glaring problems - story hits all the plotpointa

3. It's not flawless - or the level of quality has not superceded its flaws

And its that third point that kinda really... Hammers it in

*insert picture of Jayce*

Look at the Viktor screenshot - look at the quote

"The reason for our failures in the commune"

WHAT FAILURES?!? WE SAW NO SUCH FAILURES!!!

What are you talking about failures??? Bc from where we stood, your commune is fucking excelling - happy content people everywhere. Its clean. It gets fucking sunlight. Its nice as hell. What FAILURES???

and thats the problem you see - bc Viktor went from reluctant jesus to full on Messiah to apparently The Bad Guy All Along - AND THERES VERY LITTLE CARRY THE CHARACTER FROM ONE PHASE TO THE NEXT

same with cait - oh we see the prison, we see the fictitious arrests, the way enforcers wage war on its own people who BTW still aint independent of piltover, who BTW remain under piltover's rule, who BTW for the most part are innocent people who have done nothing wrong aside from being born in the undercity

the gangs are gone bc they all hate topside - and thats the only thing

BUT HERES THE THING, we dont see Cait doing any of this... its her soldiers, the enforcers, but aside from her magnificent leap to the bottom in s1, shes actually back to the usual cait - when Jinx stopped sexually frustrating her, she regained her moral code

(and we're gonna have to talk about the missed opportunities between ambessa, jinx, and cait. let me tell you. ive been cocked the block)

suddenly s2 act2 cait seems more or less similar to beginning of s2 act1 cait - with her misgivings about martial law. WE DIDNT EVEN GET TO LUXURIATE IN CAIT BEING DRUNK OFF HER TYRANNICAL POWERS!! WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT!!!

give me MOTHER goddamn, where the fuck was that??? where is goddamn horny seduction of power? where is ambessa getting pussy enchanted bc cait would tap that at least once and ambessa is trying to be professional and as cait starts pulling away, the lesbian break up would have been AMAZING - caits betrayal bc she went back to Vi?!? hello????? DO YOU NOT SEE HOW FUCKING SIZZLING THIS COULD HAVE BEEN???????

dont fuck the warlord - dont sexualize the warlord - ONLY IF YOU WERE A COWARD

give me the seething, writhing pit of moral ambiguity thats hot as hell

bc otherwise it comes out perfunctory.

LIKE BACK TO VICKY

if vicky was supposed to be the bad guy, his little commune needed to be A LITTLE MORE creepy. SHOW US THE FAILURES. show us how the healing turns people WRONG. What does it mean if vicky gets his hands on you? SHOW US THE HORRIFIED LOVED ONES WHO UPON SURRENDERING THEIR DISABLED BELOVED FIND THEIR BELOVED IRREVOCABLY CHANGED IN A WAY THAT CAN NEVER BEEN UNDONE

SHOW US THE EXISTENTIAL LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR YOU FUCKS!!! This whole commune could have been fifteen hundred percent weirder and uncanny, make us feel like we're in a fishing boat in the middle of the lake and something massive just brushed under our boat. make us feel small and uncomprehending cucks.

I FELT NOTHING!!! I FELT LIKE WE WERE HITTING EACH STORY BEAT FOR THE SAKE OF THE PLOT POINT

it was all perfunctory as fuck. there was no lingering, stewing tension that just gnaws at your bones until you remember with each aching movement. there was NOTHING like that.

i couldnt bliss out on the jayvik messy breakup. i couldnt savor cait having a pussy rebound with a worse partner (we couldve gone from Lestat to Armand levels of bad decisions here)

we get Nothing

So Arcane gets ONE more act 3 to finish this off but honestly... it feels like each act is almost self contained in and of itself. and the buildup of viktor and the arcane feels thin - papery - wishy washy. Im not entirely confident that theyre gonna wrap up everything nicely.

ive already had ONE MASSIVE DISAPPOINTMENT THIS YEAR, please i cant have another so close to the last (iykyk)

[origamiyoda]

Ive been trying to figure out a way to phrase this and I really can't and it's honestly just starting to boil down to me being kind of pissed off and complaining about my irl but it's like. Man. I don't know.

And again this is aimed completely at my IRL and jackasses I've met throughout my life. Nobody here nobody I've talked to about hunting before.

Its just kind of like. The Thing about hunting is like. You need to be respectful of what it is that you're actually doing. You need to understand that you're killing a real life animal and you need to do it respectfully and carefully. You cannot take that fucking shot unless you are absolutely certain you are on mark and it's going to be a clean and fair kill .

And I am saying this as someone who has accidentally Hurt an animal while hunting. While it wasn't my fault, the scope got bumped and fucked while moving around and nobody noticed, and we managed to track the deer and make a clean kill, I still Hurt an animal. And it was a legitimately traumatizing experience that has genuinely haunted me for the past 5 years .

You can't take hunting as something. I don't know. Trivial? Don't get me wrong, it's a hobby of mine I really enjoy even I don't talk about it alot (the. Stigma around it is a little. Weird idk) but it's also like. Fuck I don't know you're Not Aragorn you're not some cool elven ranger you're not a badass rugged outdoorsman. It's something that takes skill and time and work and you need to have a respect for it.

And I know this sounds fucking pretentious and at best I sound like a freak but like. I don't know I don't know!!!!! You cannot take that fucking shot unless you are absolutely one hundred percent certain you're going to kill that animal. That you can take the animal down with dignity and respect.

And i dont mean to be like ohh these fuckin treehuggers kids these days don't understand the HARDCORE and GRITTY WORK that goes into TAKING DOWN A WILD BEAST because people who talk like that are youtubers being sponsored by fucking Kryptek and driving brand new fuckoff huge trucks that don't haul anything. Do you understand.

To hear my irl today talk about it in such a lighthearted tone and. And I quote "Oh I've tried to shoot a deer a couple times lol I'm not very good at it [my family aren't] very good hunters hahaha" is like. Sickening? To me? Like genuinely stomach turning Sickening to hear. You cannot be running around taking shots at animals unless you know for a fact you can kill it cleanly and respectfully. It's sickening it really is.

And I do think people can learn to hunt and I think hunting is important for conservation efforts and I think it's a really cool hobby that I have and enjoy doing. It's just incredibly dangerous and horrifying to me that you could talk about it so trivially. It's not a game it's not something to be really taken lightly it's something that needs to be respected across all fronts.

Youre not going to stumble across a beautiful stag in a forest clearing completely broadside and you're not going to draw your longbow and make the perfect shot and peacefully kill the deer. you're going to sit in the cold and the mud and you're gonna be up before dawn and you're going to wait and watch and pattern the animal and wait and watch until you can make a clean and safe kill.

Whatever. I don't know. Nobody will care about this but it's something important to me and it's pissing me off. I've been hunting for almost half my life and it's like. It's important to me and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of it.

[richkidcityfriends]

your opinion on 2022 winter Olympics

okay so im assuming this is only about figure skating and i mean oml there was so much going on. below the cut bc i think this is gonna be long.

okay so FIRST OF ALL the kamila valieva situation. where to begin. (as a note: none of this is a statement on her except in relation to the 2022 olys)

the positive test being from rusnats and only being found out in february is weird. idk if we ever found out exactly why that happened? but i can only assume it was meddling from the russian end.

i think the media response was cruel, and i think part of that was a lot of people were trying to talk about it without knowing the full situation, but the amount of vicious hate and blame kamila received was unjustified. she was fifteen years old and in an abusive situation, to what extent she knew about the doping is irrelevant in my mind, the blame falls on the adults in power (mainly her coaches). eteri tutberidze is notoriously controlling and abusive, and there is no way any of that was happening without her being responsible. she controls the amount of WATER her skaters can drink. skating at that level, especially in russia, your coach is practically your primary guardian; if eteri told her to dope then there was pretty much nothing she could do. only eteri girls were ever going to go to the olympics, if she switched coaches that would have ended her life's goal (and the way they train is so all-consuming that to not get to the olympics at all would have felt life shattering).

should she have been been allowed to skate? i dont think so. at least partially bc it essentially proves to coaches that you can "get away with" doping as long as the people you are drugging are children. obviously having an athlete who has taken performance enhancing drugs is unfair to everyone else, but that goes without saying. HOWEVER i do understand the worry that the test could have been wrong or she might not have known, either way it would have been unfair to her. (the "irreparable harm" quote is always taken out of context - they meant that if she skated and was found guilty they could strip her of the medal, but if she was banned and found innocent there was no fixing it). ultimately though i think letting her skate was the wrong decision (especially since the case STILL hasnt been settled).

i dont think eteri told her to throw the free to make sure the others got their medals, because she looked so traumatised afterwards and eteri reacted so badly (ive never understood this theory tbh)

that was the first scandal from the olys but oml it was definitely not the last. there was so much going on. olympics from hell. lets talk about the womens podium.

(but first a note on ultra c elements: do i think the sport is suffering because of the increased value placed on jumps? yes. do i think artistry is important? absolutely. do i think there is a conversation to be had about the morals of training young children (especially girls) to do dangerous jumps that cause permanent damage to their bodies? one hundred fucking percent. things need to change in this sport. however. i will make repeated references to whether or not someone is jumping ultra c when discussing the podium, because that is how its scored atm, and i do think that they aren’t irrelevant (it is a sport, athletic feats are also important) just please please know that i am also taking artistry into account its just harder to objectively phrase in a short paragraph and this is already long enough). okay caveat over. please no one attack me. lets go.

look i KNOW the most pressing question is do i think anna deserved gold HOWEVER. have you considered. did anna deserve to be sent to the olympics at all. and this makes me insane because like?? skating like she did at the olys?? yeah she probably deserved to be there!! so it kinda seems mean to talk about this but ALSO i feel like we definitely have to not forget it so. the russian olympic team was pretty much based off of the podium for rusnats, which that year was kamila, sasha, anna. but anna in third place was veryyy controversial bc like. she had no ultra c elements at all (and her tech is DODGY so without them it gets even harder to justify her high scores) but elizaveta had a triple axel (and better tech) so a LOT of people thought that she should have come third, but rusfed just wanted to send anna to the olys instead (which i pretty much agree with).

but okay whether you like it or not she DID make the olympic team so. womens olympic podium. a grenade of a question. everyone is allowed their own opinions on it im not saying anyone is wrong if they think differently!!!!! also im only going to talk about the top five bc this is already wayyy too long.

i know on tiktok a while back the popular opinion was that wakaba should’ve been gold, which i don’t really agree with, however she absolutely should not have been fifth. no doubt in my mind she should have been at LEAST fourth, if not third. kamila should have been behind her i don’t care how many quads she was attempting, she fell like five times. she got through on reputation and the eteri bonus alone. kaori did skate cleanly, but with no triple c, and her tech isn’t great on some of her jumps, so wakaba (who fell on a jump, but had a triple axel, and generally better tech and artistry imo) could have come third and i would have been happy. anna i go back and forth on, because her artistry is alright, and technically she does jump quads, but her tech skills are SO questionable (her quad lutz is neither a quad nor a lutz). the tech bar for quads is lower than for triples, and i do kinda think that makes sense, but her quad tech is worse than most of the other quad jumping girls so it’s a fair comparison. i don’t think she deserved gold, but im never fully sure about silver either. honestly her, wakaba, and kaori can fight it out for second/third/fourth. in terms of actual skaters i like wakaba best, in terms of who performed best on the day i think you could make a compelling argument for any order.

that of course leaves sasha in first place. i know she fell on her triple axel in the short, but the only people who didn’t fall at all were anna (i’ll talk about her last) and kaori, and while triple c elements aren’t the only important thing, the skater who fell on one and landed five kind of has to be above the skater who attempted none at all, imo, so that puts kaori out of the running. wakaba fell once as well, and she definitely has the edge on artistry, but i don’t think sashas artistry was as bad as a lot of people say, especially in her short, so i don’t think thats quite enough to put wakaba ahead of sasha overall. sasha’s tech skills were so much higher than the rest of the skaters that i think it would be almost impossible to bridge that gap with artistry alone. lastly theres anna, who ofc actually won the ogm. two clean skates, slightly better artistry, much worse tech (i know sasha’s tech isn’t perfect either, but she’s definitely better – id say thanks to plushenko). annas tech should have been called, if not her edges then at least for prerotation. sasha fell on a triple axel and anna landed a double in the short, sasha landed five quads and anna landed two in the free. taking into account how poor her quad tech is, i don’t think that her artisty is enough to pass sasha.

however!!!! again i want to reiterate!!!!! everyone is allowed their own opinions on this!!! i do not give a damn if you think that anastasiia shabotova should have come first!!!! go you!!! to each their own <3

now for something that i do think you can wrong about. the reaction to sashas reaction to the scores was appalling. she was seventeen years old (a CHILD) in an extremely high stress situation and had been told by her (abusive, manipulative) coaches that if she landed all five quads she would win, and when this turned out to be untrue she got upset and had what was clearly a panic attack, asked not to be filmed and was ignored by every cameraman in the area, had to immediately go in front of millions of people while still being a mess, and was then attacked from all angles for being “ungrateful” and “showing bad sportsmanship.” show some empathy. (especially ppl who are still giving out about it now “on behalf of anna” when they seemed to be at least friendly again as soon as the very next day)

OKAY WE’RE ALMOST DONE i mostly only follow women’s so the rest of this is going to be brief

sui/han deserved ogm, my sister and i were rooting for miura/kihara to do well but we knew there was no chance for a medal. loving seeing them do so well rn.

nathan chen’s costume was ridiculous. last time i said my nathan chen take i got eaten alive on tiktok so im not gonna say much about him. he did deserve gold tho.

scoring felt harsh on yuzuru. wish he’d gotten another ogm but it wasn’t meant to be. im glad he got to attempt the quadruple axel at the olympics at least.

papadakis/cizeron ogm deserved.

oh MY god i forgot about the team event. pls someone save me. im so sorry i know no one wants this much. this isn’t even the worst i can do. i have talked at my friends for hours straight before about figure skating. i cant help it i have no control. we are going to ignore the team event okay. Just give them their medals. pls. i beg. they still don’t have their medals. i know it sucks for the rest of the russian team if they lose the gold bc kamila was stripped but you have to give the rest of them their medals.

anyway if you made it until the end here is a gold star ⭐ i don’t know how you did it.

[scarletiswailing347]

postinf the text for my day 2 bsweek prompt here cause its making me lag lol

do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to be a zombie in this economy? you just go out there trying to have a bite to eat so you go up to some randos and they just start SHOOTING YOU! like straight up just SHOOTING YOU! like what the hell man? i mean i know im trying to rip your brains out and shit but cant you let a guy just fucking eat???? speaking of, this guy's brain tastes weird like im pretty sure its at least fifty percent plastic, maybe even a hundred percent i don't know. was he your boyfriend or something? does this mean you're single? wanna go out sometime? you're annoying as shit but i like that in a man, keeps you on your toes y'know? keeps you humble as well like you just wake up in bed one day and go &quot;oh god this is the guy im dating and i don't even want to break up with him or anything what the hell's wrong with me,&quot; which i think is a pretty important thing to have-- at least for me 'cause im awesome as shit and if i don't have that sort of anchor i'll probably lke turn into god or something and i dont wanna be god. not out of self-esteem issues or anything, just out of principle 'cause i think that everyone should have a fair chance at killing me which not gonna lie is pretty easy but that's besides the point, the point is that i think anyone who wants to be god is fucking stupid and should just fucking die. like, hello??? who the hell do you think you are rying to reign above other people? are you stupid? are you dumb? hello? anyways, if you wanna know more about what i think of this i post a lot on r/atheism, im user u/waffleontopp-- wait , do i have to explain reddit to you? 'cause you seem more like a tumblrina to me, honestly reddit's pretty similar to tumblr so you won't have a lot of trouble figuring it out on your own but don't be shocked ifbyou see cock and balls on there since porn isn't banned there unlike tumblr. how's that whole thing treating you by the way? must be tough not seeing some girl's boobs every once in a while-- wait are you gay or bi? must be tough not seeing some guy's boobs every once in a while, that won't be problem if you start dating me though. haha just kidding, my chest is basically concave now after a survivor beat me repeatedly with a baseball bat so ive got like negative double D's now. oh but i do know this one guygirlthing whose boobs are out basically 24/7 who likes to hang out with me and this other guy so maybe that'll make up for it. they're not zombies and im pretty sure they didnt get infected so you don't have to worry about that but they miiiight have rabies or something im not sure to be honest so maybe watch out for that instead. if youre wondering why two non-infected humans are hanging out with a zombie then we're in the same boat, might have something to do with the possible rabies i mentioned earlier. also if they tell you that im their pet zombie that is simply not true, if anything it's the other way around, they're my pet guard dogs and they do basically anything i say even if it kills them. or at least i wish it would kill them, they're way too hardy in my opinion, i need them to die so i can eat their brains-- oh but then i'll have to do manual labor. hmm, on second thought, they can stay actually i don't wanna deal with all that. normally i dont even do my own kills nowadays, i just leave a trap or get the other two to do it for me, you guys just caught me offguard which is lowkey embarassing but trust me i am a huge, like Huge alpha sigma gamma male and would totally dominate everyone else around me. but not in a god way of course, just in a lone sigma alpha gamma wolf kinda way like those anime wolf furry drawings. you know the ones. and like im not a furry but not gonna lie they totally popped off with those

[tenaciouschronicler]

April 25 2024 2009

Yesterday's updates were something.

First a new sound page! this one without a title/prompt. Its also our official title page.

I really went down a rabbit hole on this page specifically so more thoughts and breakdown for the update are below the cut.

The whole sequence is very smooth in its panning zoom to the sky and the following narration is just ... odd. It makes me inclined to say this is another character rather than Hussie just writing. Someone omniscient almost, speaking to us the reader but also to John even if he can't hear it.

The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox.

Its curious that theres no other sounds in the audio. Just winds and chimes. It should be a Monday based on the calendar from John's room which makes it Easter Monday. We dont know where John lives, but his school must make it a holiday since hes at home being stuffed with cake and so is his Dad, said baker. You would think there would be other dads doing yard work or some kids playing outside but there's no indication of either.

A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.

Familiar to whom? And in what way?

Google says Desolation is "a state of complete emptiness or destruction". So is the wind equal to Desolation? I feel like we dont actually hear the note per say. Our narrator only likens the sound to something we could probably comprehend. In reality, the wind over the void space is Desolations note.

It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life.

A nice callback to the first page of the comic but also more references to lacking and emptiness. Although a funny gag, the first page also says John is only getting his nane Today. Logically we know that's false. TT uses his name in their convo on persterchum. So what does that mean? Has he only been alive but not actually living?

The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket.

Has Desolation been keeping John from living? Why?? What would it gain from that?

His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

Googling Absence gives us "the state of being away from a place or person". So his riddle is a state of being away from others... I feel like the following statement gives more but I cant discern what.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman

Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.

We get another quote that is certainly not Walt Whitmans. I'm curious if the mis-attributions are John legit not knowing, which would be strange knowing the quote but not the speaker, or the narrator fucking with John. I like to believe the latter.

Our actual guy is François de La Rochefoucauld, a French moralist with two works published of which this quote is from Maximes. I kinda want to make posts of each wrong quote and author after reading more about what the book is about. For now I think this is good enough.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

The last actual time we saw was 4:26 pm. If we wanna take a guess saying we 'started' at 4:00 pm and guessing based of the times we have been shown, its been no more than 45 min. So yeah, I think its gonna be long indeed.

Two pages later we once again 180 back.

With the previous stuff Im now suspicious of these shift changes. (I could also juat be reading way too into it but *shrug*)

We continue to search for the elusive SBURB and find a package in Dads car. Gandering into the kitchen FULL of steam (is your Dad/the oven ok?) we spot another package and potentially the game?! There's no avoiding your Dad John. Get in the kitchen John.

[biscuitsngravie]

vent under cut // disability, injury

sometimes i wish i was just born with the disabilities i have now. like, im sure that i was already disabled to an extent (most teenagers don't get sick once a month for a year i dont think) but it's like

when ppl say ur one accident away from houselessness or disability they're right. cause after my first car accident i was mostly "fine" (fine enough to walk home instead of taking the ambulance cause i was scared of the cost). i was lucky that i ended up working from home for that year coincidentally enough. credit score? shot. finances? shot. but i could still "function" mostly.

then there was my second car accident. being the passenger, that quote about passengers getting the bulk of injury? yeah. couldnt walk, couldnt stand, could barely breathe. but i did it. did my at home exercises and learned how to mostly do things again. like yeah my back hurts more often than not, and i cant stand for as long as i used to, and there are these weird pains all over my torso sometimes, but im "fine."

then that fucking ladder months after my second accident. if those two didnt take me out, the ladder sealed the deal. barely able to do anything by lie down and stretch my muscles as needed. constantly on painkillers just to go to exist. and after months of physical therapy (i had to go to myself because it wasn't "far enough" to be covered, which included a minimum of an hour walk and occasionally more) im deemed good enough to go back to work for one hundred percent care. yay me.

im "totally" healed, right? buuuuut i just gotta do these back exercises every day for the rest of my life to stand and oh yeah, im at risk of scoliosis now. im "good as new," right? yeah for sure, i just need to take some form of painkiller on occasion because all the places that "used" to hurt (they never really stopped hurting) will have flair ups and, oh would you look at that, i cant walk today. i cant stand today. i cant breathe today.

im so tired. jobs dont take me seriously cause im not legally registered as disabled. but if i even put on the application or mention that ive at the minimum history of disability, they ask me if i can "handle" the job. they send me emails saying they "filled the position." so since im not "really" disabled they can just basically give me bullshit. and i would register, and i wanna register so bad! i want a prescription for a wheelchair, to get a proper crutch, or crutches when both my knees arent being agreeable. i wanna be able to sit in the fucking disability spot on the bus without people staring at me to get up just because someone with a visible disability came in or an elderly person walked on.

im tired of having to pretend that im not in constant fucking pain because im so young. young people arent disabled. black women arent disabled.

but its also so scary. to prove disability is one of the most frightening and dehumanizing processes ive heard of. even when i was doing the claim after i fell off the fucking ladder did prove to be a hassle. and that was in my favor. the fact that ive been working is definitely not gonna help the situation. "if disabled, why work? 🤔"

theres also the savings cap. i have trips i wanna go to, places i wanna be. having a savings cap on being a recipient of disability is actually asinine. theyre pushing to raise and it and GOD i hope that bill goes through.

they basically fuck you over if you're married so there goes my aspirations of partnering ig. countries that wont let you cause ur disabled. countries that wont let you immigrate because of disability. its all so much.

this is all so fucked and this system is so fucked and its so tiring. i just honestly wish i was just born with whatever i have going on right now so that id know what to do. i just woke up one day and now i have an entire routine just to exist and i just wish it was already part of my life in some way ig. idk.

part of me is so mad. why did i listen to those people pressure me to get a car? why did i have to comment on missing that turn? why did they try to make that turn? why didnt i just, idk, not fall off the ladder hello?? why didnt i just take the medical debt from the hospital? would i be able to walk better or get care or get a case and be approved if i just kept going to the hospital instead of working?

hell, those fuckers at the original emergency room didnt even touch me, saying that i'll "bounce back because [i'm] young." its been a year now. theres not fucking "bouncing back."

i cant fucking walk as well as i used to. i cant stand some days. some days i have to practice how to breathe. i just wish that instead of having repeated trauma i was just born with it or something so that this isnt new. i hope that doesnt come off as ignorant as fuck or rude. idk how else to word it.

i wonder about if i can even take the sports i want to next year. or if i can even work at this new job that wants me to work all these hours a week. idk. working all those hours a week is ridiculous anyway. if the accidents didnt disable me that shit wouldve eventually anyway ig. guess i just got a head start. look at me, an overachiever. i did next week's work, too, teacher.

i feel like if i could get diagnosed or if i got diagnosed as a child that i'd be "legit." that i woudlnt have to "prove" to anyone that im disabled. i hate telling people i hurt and hearing about how much i "dont know about." or hear "wait till ur older." im tired of having to constantly tell ppl that young ppl can hurt, too, just to divulge in my medical history to "prove" that im "actually" disabled. im so tired. i just wanna say my knee hurts and someone passes me an ibuprofen or acetaminophen.

[mde1011]

when i got into the dsmp i started a note and wrote down any quotes or moments i thought were funny, and im bored at 3 am so enjoy some of them

how is being arrested real? just walk away!!!”

⁃ “once an american always an american. go...go protests masks...or something”

⁃ “...yEAH BUT DID YOU HAVE WAP” “what’s...whats wap?” “...WORSHIP AND PRAYER”

⁃ “HOW DO YOU LIKE POLITICS MOTHERFUCKER”

⁃ “i’m naked” “...no you’re not” “i can be...”

⁃ “uhhhh i’m in a high stress situation....i deal with these poorly”

⁃ “i should go first i’m naked”

⁃ “yEAHHHH WE KILLED AN OLD MAN WITH HEART PROBLEMS”

⁃ “what are you going to do?” “i...have no idea i think i’m gonna start out by punching a tree”

⁃ “tOmmy...did i just hear you say shit ass looking mofo?”

⁃ “i aM gOinG to gEt nAkeD to iNtiMidAtE HiM”

- “...i want freedom !” “you want BALLS.”

⁃ “...down the line. yeah that’s where we discover the art of cannibalism” “oh it’s an art?” “it’s an art”

⁃ “oh there’s some logs here. wonder what they’re saying to me. uh huh. uh huh. oh yeah that’s very racist” “tommy you gotta burn those logs.” “burn ‘em before they spread their racism to other logs”

⁃ “are you pooing?” “*whisper* i’m charging up-““ “he’s ejaculating on the tent.” “he’s WHAT?”

⁃ “he’s sPEEDING. LOOK HOW FAST HES GOING” “i’ve taken so many drugs. someone tell badboyhalo”

⁃ “we should make a pact. and that pact is, uh, we make a book...and in that book...we declare that saying ‘muffin’ is a, is a slur”

⁃ “i was thinking what if one day your bladder just,,,,stopped working.....AGGGFFFFF i was tHINKING ABOUT THAT THE OTHER DAY IVE GOT TO PREPARE IVE GOT YO PREPARE thisiswhydiapersaintthatbad”

⁃ <sapnap> i think i was ordered to um

<tommyinnit> boobed

<sapnap> kill you

<tommyinnit> boobs

<sapnap> if this happens

<tommyinnit> think about boobs man

<sapnap> tsk tsk tommy

<tommyinnit> iM DISGRUNTLED

⁃ “why is this deadman so good at making drugs”

⁃ “i just learnt that a girl hero is called a heroine and it freaked me out”

⁃ “memento memento me-“ “that’s actually the worst word i know so you can’t keep saying that” “oh, really.....? have you ever heard the term ‘racist’?”

⁃ “the person who invented the phrase ‘be yourself’ hadn’t met you!”

⁃ “you seem like the type of guy whose dad would throw him overboard as a joke but he would just drown”

⁃ “shout out to dream for twerking!”

⁃ “let’s talk......let’s talk about sex” “wonderful. what do you think about sex, lazarbeam?” “i ain’t saying SHIT in front of a sixteen year old”

⁃ “what the- i think i’m seeing things” “....tommy i told you not to drink the sea water” “well i DID drink the sea water because it TOLD ME TO”

⁃ “it’s like the movie when that guy gets stranded on an island and has sex with a coconut” “whAT?? dream- dream, you vastly misinterpreted this” “it one hundred percent does”

⁃ “oh mastICATE.....isn’t that when a fish turns inside out?”

⁃ “what are some bad words YOU know, clay?” “i don’t-“ “what about ‘terrorist’?”

⁃ “my mind has to be on the same frequency as jesus when he walked on water”

⁃ “you wanna know why i was late?” “no i really do-“ “i was having a MASSIVE poo. really just a HUGE poo”

⁃ “jUST CUZ YOU TALK ABOUT POO ONCE AND THEN YOU SEE A BIG GREEN BASTARD AMD YOUR LIFE IS FLASHING BEFORE YOUR EYES AND THEN YOU CANT REMEMBER- YOU CANT REMEMBER IF IT WAS YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW YOU HURT THAT WOMAN”

⁃ “i love america. mmmmm patriotism

⁃ “LIFE IS NOT A HAPPY SONG KERMIT THE FROG”

⁃ “please stop taking the cock”

⁃ “two four six eight who do we appreciate? not the government let’s gooooooo”

⁃ “oooo look at the dogs😍” “wHAAAAAT. WHAT. THERES ACTUALLY LIKE. A MILLION DOGS HERE. WHAT THE HELL.”

⁃ “yeahhhhh bitch i stab- i don’t stab women-“ “woooooooah tommy you stab women?” “heyyyy sapnap”

⁃ “do you know what happens whne you reach the top of the ladder? there’s only one place to go.” “.....side to side😨” “down.” “...i really thought you were gonna say side to side🥺”

⁃ “one last time.” “just like in hamilton😓”

⁃ “you don’t know how many times i’ve mistaken trees for hot women”

⁃ “ i don’t feel better i just destroyed penis”

⁃ “i’ve never seen a snail with bad morals”

⁃ “awwwwwwww😢 i’m doin’ drugs🤧 just like the good ol’ days😓” “.....define the ‘good old days’” “back when i did drugs”

⁃ “have you ever fought a baby? i have and it was trivially easy to defeat, phil.”

⁃ “the only other i egg i know about was the one i learnt about in school....not allowed to say which one....”

⁃ “did you know one of my new years resolutions is to be more like 2010 justin bieber?”

⁃ “apparently cats don’t lay eggs”

⁃ “thinking about trees- if i saw a tree with a beard mmmmmm...holy shit id hit it”

⁃ “we’re in hell dude. science doesn’t matter here”

⁃ “i cant die i cant die i’m GOD”

⁃ “hey pig your letter is the same as pussy, hmm?”

⁃ “are we cool are we COOL guys? CRYSTAL COOL like CRYSTAL METH”

⁃ “he- he’s crying because - because i killed his mother isn’t that right? mother dearest mother deadest mother gonest”

⁃ “bro ive been drinking since i was six and let me tell you...it’s not good to be drinking that young. led to some poor life decisions when i was 8” “what did you do” “i cant say” “...who did you hurt” “....only myself”

⁃ “je suis” “ay i know what that mean you prick” “what does it mean” “it means you’re racist dickhead”

⁃ “i’d never poo in the presence of a women- which is why i’m scared to get a girlfriend i think i’d just explode”

⁃ “biff tannen is one of my idols”

⁃ “black widow died and i thought ‘wow it should’ve been the man’ because he’s a man”

⁃ “there’s a character called captain america and i think he’s stupid”

⁃ “i’m a GOOD LAD i’ve got GOOD MORALS and if i’ve DONE SOMETHING WRONG it WASNT MY FAULT I JUST GOT A LITTLE EXCITED”

⁃ “sam....what’s the longest you’ve ever wiped your arse? for me it’s 48 minutes”

⁃ “why are you standing in the shitter?” “....that’s a SINK” “uhhh welllll” “hAVE YOU SHAT IN THE SINK?????”

⁃ “you’re like a living ghost” “...i think that’s called a human, tubbo”

⁃ “maybe i accidentally kill ranboo and we just never see him again *laughs* ay? and then i go ‘april foooools!!!’ and then i kill their child. i kill him”

⁃ “you built a penis” “it’s a PENIS OF SAFETY”

⁃ “i saw the penis of safety and i pressed mouse button four my friend”

⁃ “the penis on the other side of the river is larger” “ive heard that before....”

⁃ “you’ve turned the penis into a wall” “a wall of safety is better than a penis of safety” “i think the penis was better”

⁃ “if you wanna make a penis i know where we can make a penis and i know how big we can make it”

⁃ “i don’t conceptualize death but i think i just saw it!”

⁃ “yeah i- yeah i know i’m- my first impression on eret was making him read a shrek fan fiction so- i’m not one for first impressions”

⁃ “i-i’m scared for him- i’m scared OF him. yknow the first thing he did when he saw me was imMEDIATELY strip down then jump off then immediately die?”

⁃ “where are you?” “getting stabbed, one second”

⁃ “you’ve seen the joker?” “yea-“ “i resonate a lot with that man” “...oH. oh. that’s- that’s not-“

⁃ “he bURNT DOWN MY HOUSE” “out of LOVE”

⁃ “ohhhh my god stop making me play with the neighbor kid” “o-okay if you don’t go play with him i’m kicking you out of the house-“ “wHAT THE FUCK???”

⁃ “there’s a STRIP CLUB” “oh yeah for wood!” “are you into strippers?” “i mean all it does is make the wood look different so....yeah it doesn’t really do much”

⁃ “no no we have categories, we have the poo-saster- you might have to take a shower after-“ “no, no i’m gonna stop you right there”

⁃ “as i was saying you can have a 1-to-3 wiper, that’s an A-tier poo, my friend”

⁃ “i want you to eat your sock”

⁃ “you know i’m a child- i’m a minor” “sO AM I DICKHEAD”

⁃ “everyone is calling you dresus” “yeah i am”

⁃ “ayyyy ayyyy los DROGAS LOS DROGAS” “no no big q- she’s thirteen- how does this happen with every 13 year old girl you meet?”

⁃ “my poo has muscles like i do”

⁃ “i cant hear the words among us without crying they’ll say there are aliens among us and in the back youll just hear me *choking noises*”

⁃ “tubbo...tubbo is like...tubbo is like mary” “.....did you just call me the Virgin Mary?”

⁃ “i’m just saying, have you ever seen me and jesus in the same room?”

⁃ “do you smoke sam” “all the time”

⁃ “i thought you were talking about the- the speeeeed drug”

⁃ “have you ever sold drugs to kids sam?” “......no”

⁃ “we can’t let the girlboss rule because she will gatekeepe my feelings” “that would not be good”

⁃ “THEY DIDNT INVITE ME TO KILL ME???? NOW I HAVE FOMO”

⁃ “you have obviously taken part in scientology-“ “i have not-“ “you’ve donated to tom cruises cult shit”

⁃ “....am i worse than david dobrik?” “are- are we worse than david dobrik?” “oh- oh god”

⁃ “he has broke one of the rules of the hit best seller ‘the bible’- this kind of looks like a cock”

⁃ “well i’ve moved now, KING”

⁃ “what is an angsty teen and am i one? because when i USED to hang out with my friends they use the word angst a lot”

⁃ “yeah yeah yeah i bench”

⁃ “sam i think i’m angsty i think i’m an angsty tik tok teen looking for a community to help me out”

⁃ “i don’t think you’ve followed the train of logic all the way-“ “there’s a TRAIN INVOLVED????????”

⁃ “i’m like the orange fucker from that animated rom com”

⁃ “i’m under the influence of big cock”

⁃ “it’s meeee big cock man”

⁃ “i cant look away” “sam please use your twitter alt for this” “he’s horny on maaaainnnnn” “and what’s wrong with that?” “.......”

⁃ “you’re a FUCKING IDIOT” “IM NOT A FUCKING IDIOT, BIG COCK”

⁃ “i’m gonna call you ‘cockity’ big cock” “sHUT THE FUCK UP SHUT THE FUCK UP-“

⁃ “STOP LOOKING AT IT” “ITS SO VIBRANT”

⁃ “at least this guy doesn’t have a cock-“ “itS NOT A COCK” “horny on main jesus-“

⁃ “is that a cock” “SHUT THE FUCK UP”

⁃ “.....i wanna see the inside of it again do a split”

⁃ “okay sam-“ “tommy that guy wants your cock-“ “no- no he doesn’t sam”

⁃ “sam, sam and i need you to hear this....dont. act. up.” “i don’t act up-“ “you were acting up-“ “i-“ “you were caught in 8k.” “but- but we both agree it’s not a tie-“

⁃ “please don’t tell me to kill cockity i am overwhelmed”

⁃ “why is there an anus in my tie?”

⁃ “what are the legal implications of this?” “...i mean besides hell you’re good”

⁃ “whatre the legal implications?” “i mean usually that’s a no-no but today, today it’s fine” “yeahhh lets go murder his family”

⁃ “i’d be an antivax landlord”

⁃ “jesus never does drugs” “well- well you turned water into wine king and wine is alcohol”

⁃ “can you put on pants i can’t- i cant stop looking at it- sorry tommy i know you said-“ “yeah sam i know you tried-“

⁃ “you know i fuck with satan”

⁃ “i’m sorry jesus lucifer is just such a good man-“ “oh you- hold me BACK FROM THIS FUCKER HOLD ME BACK ILL SEND HIM TO HELL YOU LIKE HELL-“

⁃ “are you jesus or just a man who grew a beard and put on a suit?”

⁃ “even the guy with his cock out is telling you to stop-“ “oh jesus, and i mean jesus-“ “shUT THE FUCK UP MAN”

⁃ “the best best way to slander him is to stop his offspring; we need to kick him the balls.....no? not a good....? alright us four each take a ball-“

⁃ “......why did jesus give him four scrotums man🙁🙁”

[obirains-archive]

rating luke skywalker’s most iconic Looks

bc i’m bored and he deserves some love and some roasts

1. luke skywalker 103- for the initiates 

dare i say the most iconic of all luke’s looks? he really came in swinging. the simplicity of the outfit really lets his natural beauty shine; the tunic says unassuming farmer boy but the hair says disney prince. i wanna touch it. the plunging neckline makes him look more shirtless than if he actually took his shirt off- i can’t tell if i’m repelled or turned on. but he looks like he’d be great at holding hands :) final rating: 10/10 absolutely iconic

2. these aren’t his clothes.

what happened to the swoosh in his hair? we went from the most dashing look the 70s had to offer to......... what i actually picture when i think of 70s hair. i realize that luke probably didn’t have much of a wardrobe to choose from but the banana yellow isn’t doing him any favors. but he looks happy enough and i guess that’s what’s most important? final rating: 6/10 would take him to Target for his own clothes :/

3. fun times w/ the frog

two words: hot damn. those arms. those hands. that frog. the whole package. i didn’t know i was that into biceps before this motherfucker, true story. not really into the whole “sweaty training in an acid trip swamp” idea, but luke actually pulls it off here. the hair plastered to his forehead....... makes me feel a certain way. get into my swamp tbh pls dont quote me on that im begging final rating: 9.5/10 would bang but only if yoda’s there

4. “luke it’s a trap”

similar in color to his dagobah outfit- maybe luke just really rocks the muddy greenish-gray? it’s not much of a fashion statement but sometimes less is more. while i do miss the biceps, i can’t resist a classy man and the sleeves at least give the illusion of classiness. his hair’s doing the swooshy thing again and it really pulls the look together for me :)  final rating: 8/10 hot but not too hot 

4.5. he may be ur father but he aint ur daddy

sad boy. angry. hair has lost trademark swoosh. new holes in his shirt, and new lack of hand where hand once was. also a new dad! i love that for him. i’m not really attracted to him here tho because he’s so vulnerable- i feel like i’m watching something i shouldn’t :( if anything it activates my protect instincts- someone get him a blanket and a hot chocolate.  final rating: 7/10 might be ur dad lol

5. he used to live here, you know

luke’s out here serving us some emo looks and ngl i’m kinda here for it. the similarity to anakin’s costume design makes me think he developed a retro style between esb and rotj. i’m not mad; i just don’t think the leather vest or whatever it is necessary. but the wind in his hair makes him look very dashing, and the green lightsaber is nothing short of sexy final rating: 8.5/10 who’s that fella??? 👀

6. *incoherent screaming*

i.... i think this is the same basic outfit from jabba’s barge but without the leather? thank the lord. he really did decide to make a statement with the black shirt, black pants, knee-high black boots, and thicc black belt, but honestly the uniformity looks very sexy on him. epitome of class. again, you can tell luke has combed his hair recently; it’s lost its swoosh and it’s not my fave. BUT i’m obsessed with hand veins and gloves and he’s serving us both!!! sorry that he had to lose his hand but the glove makes it kinda worth it 

this look also marks luke’s character development from one hundred percent sub to a total switch. i dont make the rules :) 

final rating: 12/10 would call him daddy if he asked 

[elynalime]

why enchanted is the most francois coded song

STOP ITS ME HI IM THE SWIFTIE IVE BEEN SUMMONED

THIS IS MY JOB

okay okay okay so

" there i was again tonight , forcing laughter faking smiles , same old tired lonely place " so starting off , it takes place at a party which is where may and francois first met !! and for ' lonely ' , may has said ( and this is one of my absolute favorite quotes from them which says a lot because theyre my comfort character and i have a lot of fav quotes from them ) " i just need to accept that some things arent going to happen for me " , and justin david sullivan has also said in an interview that when they were younger , they thought that to make it work they would just have to give up love , and the same goes for may , hence ' lonely ' .

" walls of insincerity , shifting eyes and vacancy , vanished when i saw your face " francois obviously wasnt interested in anybody at the party cause he had already met all of them and he didnt like them , but he had to pretend because otherwise lance would send him to the army , so insincerity , shifting eyes && vacancy

" your eyes whispered ' have we met ? ' " after francois helped may fix their circlet ( which im still squealing about ) , francois asked " sorry , but have i seen you before ? " , aka have we met before

" like passing notes in secrecy " they had to keep what they had secret , especially from lance cause francois was scared he wouldnt approve , and he and juliet were already engaged

" and it was enchanting to meet you , all i can say is i was , enchanted to meet you " really self explanatory , especially in the bathroom when may was telling juliet about francois and they say

" this night is sparkling dont you let it go " okay this is kinda a small detail and really set focused but but but . in the scene before the wedding , when may and francois sing whataya want from me , theres a tree . with a lot of lamps . that makes it really sparkly and bright . THIS NIGHT IS SPARKLING . also in whataya want from me , one of the lyrics that may sings is " please dont give up " , which is kinda a parallel to " dont you let it go " THE PARALLELS IM SCREAMING

" the lingering question kept me up , 2am who do you love ? " okay this is kinda a far reach but firstly 2am talks about time , and before the first maycois kiss ( still screaming ) , may offers a francois a shot and francois mentions that its still really early so time . okay anyways , also , " who do you love " is basically like the whole whataya want from me because may is begging francois to choose between them and juliet and asking francois who he loves

" these are the words i held back , as i was leaving too soon " during the wedding , after francois says that he kissed may and liked it , he said " i shouldve called things back last night but i was under so much pressure " - THE WORDS HE HELD BACK .

" please dont be in love with someone else , please dont have somebody waiting on you " may begging francois to please please please choose them over juliet , to not go through with the wedding . when the house band performs at the beginning of the wedding , may also sings " am i the only one " - they want to be the one ( hehe the 1 iykyk ) , for francois to not have somebody else , to not be in love with anyone else

thats pretty much it but sntv is so purple and may is hundred percent purple

ALSO ALL THE PARALLELS ARE UNPARALLELED ASJDFKJADSFKLSADLFJA;SLFK

@thetisming hope this helped !

hey guys. Reggie here. i've been listening to Enchanted for about three hours straight trying to put into words why it's a maycois song. here it is:

the start. right. the start is about a party, right? and like. being at a party and faking smiles and whatnot. and being at another fucking party. and then seeing a person and being like 'oh, shit, this just became a little bit better, okay'. you know, like Frankie

there's. more. but like. i don't know how to word things. so. but like the lyric about "who do you love" and "wishing you were at my door". thats. after Whataya Want From Me. thats Francois about May

speak now is a purple album

i'm so fucking sorry guys i'm terrible at words. can someone else word it for me please

[dreamerand-high]

what do i picture

with my parents:

.

pretty house

goes to college driving the car

just studyin

dance class

so spoiled

single

pretty hair

without my parents:

.

living in a apartment with more 2 girls

goes to school walking (or bike)

works in the afternoon with kids and stuff

....or I'll start selling something with my cousin or my two roomates, it looks easier and less time consuming

no time for dance class

1 billion of parties

lot of kisses (girls <3)

1 billion of domestic stuff

eating noodles and washing my hair with the cheapest shampoo ever

I love both so much

the first one is my dream life, its easier, its beautier

the second one is a hundred percent harder, but I feel it would make me a fucking grown up woman, so mature, so strong and very brave

also, the second one makes me have more money to pay my bills myself, and save a little to the future.

and if my parents really doesnt allow me to pay my bills and stuff, i'll save everything to my future (canada, clynics, home, furniture, travel, books, luxury like expensive soaps, and stuff) so i dont iniciate my adulthood so poor

plus the quote who is making me do hard even if i wanna give up is

"gente pica faz sacrifício"

tipo que eu to querendo m3 m4t4r por causa da autoescola tlgd

mas eu nao vou

sabe pq? pq

"gente pica faz sacrifício"

tendeu??

e eu sinto q seriam 4 anos (pelo menos nao vao ser 5) intensos, dificeis, e maravilhosos

.

.

mas se acontecer o primeiro cenário eu vou ser a amiga ryca, arrumada, dançarina, vou viver do jeito q eu sempre quis se deus quiser, ter uma casa lindissima, vou poder ter mais 4 anos de adolescência aaaaaaaaa

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 4, Part 2: Flight of the Paradox Groans

BRIGHT: Remember Spades Slick being bizarrely aware he was in a comic, back in the Intermission? Buckle up, things are about to get even more fourth-wall-breaking. Appropriately, this starts by the comic focusing on an actual fourth wall, which activates to show...Andrew Hussie.

Hussie’s MS Paint avatar notices the audience watching him, laments that his side of the wall doesn’t have an off switch, and then recaps the first year of Homestuck.

Now, in all fairness: The recap is thorough, full of links, and explains things fairly well. It’s quite long, but given how much territory it has to cover I’m not sure it could be any shorter. So it does its job well, and it’s a boon if you’re getting lost with the plot.

As for the author insertion...on this occasion I don’t mind it. It comes across as tongue-in-cheek, but framed more as the author talking to the reader than as the author inserting himself into the narrative. It’s definitely very Homestuck.

Anyway, AH gets back to work, and after a couple of false starts we return to John!

John is still flying around with his jet pack. GC trolls him to offer him a world map of LOWAS and tell him she feels awful about killing him, although in literally the next line she tells him that technically he never even died so she doesn’t understand why he’s so upset. John understandably finds this disturbing. They have a brief nonsensical discussion about Jesus/Jegus, and then John agrees to go take a look at what’s on the other side of his Second Gate. Yes, on the advice of someone whose previous advice got him killed.

CHEL: Almost a shame we didn’t set up a Too Dumb To Live count, but then to be fair that was a separate timeline and he’s probably not thinking of it as something that “really” happened. This is supported by his later dialogue.

FAILURE ARTIST: The word Jegus is really popular in the Homestuck fandom, used far more often than it is in the canon. Gets quite annoying, in my opinion. Actually, a rather Jesus-like figure does appear, but he’s not called “Jegus”.

CHEL: Yeah, I think only Terezi, John, and Dave ever use the term, but it somehow became latched onto as an actual term used by trolls in general, even though in canon it isn’t.

BRIGHT: Fortunately, this time GC appears to be playing nice. John flies though the Second Gate and emerges...into LOLAR?

FAILURE ARTIST: Hussie does an amusing trick where he has what looks like a loading screen for a flash but it’s actually a still image eternally at 2%.

BRIGHT: Yes, it’s LOLAR. John promptly crashes into Rose’s house, smashing through a wall and into her bedroom, where Rose is still snoozing in her knitting pile. Apart from briefly being stuck upside down, he does not appear injured by this collision.

Rose has somehow slept through the commotion. John decides to let her rest and borrows her computer to talk to Dave.

The first one he talks to is actually Davesprite, who points out how moronic John was to listen to GC again. No arguments here! Then he explains how the Gate system works: Odd-numbered Gates, above players’ houses, lead to somewhere on their planets. Even-numbered Gates lead to other players’ planets, exiting over their houses. Normally they aren’t meant to go through even-numbered Gates until the houses are built up, so they don’t fall to their deaths, but fortunately John has a jetpack workaround. So far Davesprite is living up to his promise of being straightforward.

John realises he’s talking to Future Dave, and asks “do you think i could talk to the real dave for a second?”

...ouch, John.

Davesprite goes off on a tear, ranting that he is a real Dave — arguably the realest Dave, since he’s been running around LOHAC for months trying to get enough information to save everyone. John apologises sincerely.

CHEL: This won’t be the last we hear of this theme, though.

EB: i think i pissed off your future self. TG: what did you do EB: i said he wasn't the real dave. TG: ahahahahaha EB: i think i might have really hurt his feelings though! TG: pff TG: dont worry about it EB: why not? TG: cause i wouldnt give a shit TG: and hes me

BRIGHT: Not a hundred percent sure I believe Dave, there.

CHEL: Dave uses John to snoop around Rose’s room and get the captcha code for her journals. Classy, Dave. Not a SLAMMER point, however, as this does come back to bite him very soon.

Rose’s dreamself has awoken on Derse, the purple planet, and flies across to the opposite tower. Dave’s dreamself appears to be awake, sitting upright in his computer chair; the room is entirely an unsettling bloody red colour apart from the SBaHJ cartoons on the walls, and… oh shit, there’s Lil Cal again, now in a long purple nightdress and hopping around the room on his own. If Rose was having nightmares because of dreamself issues, I can only imagine how Dave’s nightmares must look. Rose throws a ball of yarn at Dave’s dreamself, alerting him, and causing the awake Dave to pass out.

Back in Rose’s room, it seems that Charles Barkley quote was not misattributed:

FAILURE ARTIST: Another SBaHJ reference in the book quote. Is that where Dave got it?

Still, I don’t recall this book ever coming up again. Just another item that seems like a Chekhov's Gun but isn’t.

CHEL: John feels guilty about opening his birthday gift from Rose, but reasons that it’s technically now his anyway, so he does, finding another bunny, this one black and filthy-looking except for the pristine knitted purple patches repairing it, though its shape is eerily familiar.

The gift in this box is a resurrection. I used your present to thread life anew into a tattered heirloom. As long as I can remember, its black, greasy appendages have been tethered limply to its ratty, porous carriage. Too delicate to wash, too dear to discard. I used to love this rabbit. Now he's yours. I trust you'll find this to be adequately sentimental. Happy birthday.

Oh my gosh, awwwwww. Even if you don’t ship them romantically how can you not love their interactions? Definitely one of the comic’s strong points. Also I need to go hug my childhood teddy bear.

John puts the bunny back in the box again and the box in his sylladex, freeing Casey the salamander while he’s at it. And let’s just take a minute to feel utter horror because dead John still had Casey in his sylladex, so the best option is that she died too, and the worst is that we have an And I Must Scream situation on for a baby salamander. Gah.

FAILURE ARTIST: Thanks, I’d never thought of that and I never want to again.

You aren't actually sure if she is a girl though. You don't even know if salamanders can be girls. Aren't they hermaphrodites or something?

CHEL: No, for the record. Though some frogs can switch from one to the other.

FAILURE ARTIST: Casey is very popular as a name for an OC child of John (often having Rose as the mother).

CHEL: John answers Rose’s Pesterchum, upon which GA is half-heartedly sending antagonistic messages. John answers on Rose’s account, saying that Rose is asleep, which GA takes for Human Sarcasm, prompting John to pretend to be Rose.

GA: I Should Figure Out How The Viewport Feature Of This Application Works GA: So I Can See What Such A Primitive Creature Looks Like TT: haha, well i know what you guys look like. TT: you look kind of like... TT: howie mandel from little monsters.

Wait, how does he know? Am I forgetting a point at which he saw them?

BRIGHT: I always assumed that he was just goofing around and his guess happened to land in the right ballpark, but thinking about it, I’m not sure the kids ever express surprise at the trolls’ appearance.

CHEL: John, pretending to be Rose, talks about how awesome John is.

GA: He Is Either The Leader Of Your Party Or You Hold Whatever The Human Equivalent Of Mating Fondness For Him Is

CHEL: Both. Both is good!

FAILURE ARTIST: Knowing what we do of troll culture later this is an odd statement. Heck, it’s just an odd statement. Maybe this is why people think trolls don’t do friendship.

CHEL: John apparently confuses GA by saying it’s because Rose is thoughtful and John appreciates his gift, and suggests GA talk to John.

TT: why don't you pick the time that will make the most complicated mess out of everything imaginable?

GA sounds very annoyed, and leaves, intending to have the conversation with John that she had previously. We see her, GC, and the horns of AT and an unknown troll in the grey room, now revealed to be a computer laboratory. For some reason she chats via Pesterchum with another troll instead of just walking over to talk to them. This new troll is twinArmageddons, an appropriate name for the circumstances, who type2 iin yellow text liike thii2; he is, as it turns out, the hacker guy GC mentioned earlier. TA is busy setting up the network and seems irritable in general, and is not willing to help GA work her viewport.

TA: iif ii 2ee one more 2narl of wiire2. TA: kiind of juttiing out and beiing tangled or whatever. TA: ii am goiing two perform 2ome 2ort of athletiic fuckiing 2omer2ault off the deep end and get a call from the pre2iident or 2ome 2hiit.

Nice callback, but trolls, as we’ll later find out, don’t have presidents.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 14

GA wonders why TA doesn’t want to talk to her, and TA complains that he knew in advance the trolls were doomed and no one believed him. He refuses to troll the humans himself but is setting up the system so the others can in order to get them to leave him alone. GA asks again for help, to no avail.

TA: iif you cant fiigure 2hiit out by fuckiing around you dont belong near computer2. TA: kiind of liike wiith regii2tered 2ex offender2 and 2chool2. TA: iif you move two a new town you have two go up two your neiighbor2 door and warn them about how 2tupiid you are. TA: and giive them a chance two hiide all theiir iinnocent technology. TA: and vandaliize your hou2e.

Ooh, a threefer plus one! Tacky simile for the Problematykks. As for WSP, we’ll later find out that 1) trolls kill all their criminals, 2) trolls don’t give a shit about the welfare of their children, and 3) trolls don’t appear to actually go to school. These two counts are neck and neck in the lead now!

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 17 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 17

BRIGHT: As with much of Homestuck, the trolls give the impression of being made up as Hussie went along. That’s not entirely a bad thing -- it certainly makes the comic pretty unique -- but it does lead to some out-of-place slip-ups.

Anyway, GA chucks her F1 key at TA’s head and then starts poking him. We also see CG in the lab.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think I recall GA/TA were a popular ship before we learned more about GA. It does seem like they have a Rose & Dave dynamic going on.

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Rose and Dave have a dance party to Dave’s music while accompanied by some crows and Lil Cal, who keeps teleporting around the room. Rose eventually gets tired of Cal’s shenanigans and hurls him out of the window, to the relief of many.

FAILURE ARTIST: The flash originally included music by Bill Bolin. In fact, it was his unfinished music being included here that caused all the drama in the first place.

BRIGHT: Time for some random interludes! First up is Maplehoof the pony, who is following Rose’s mother through a large cave which, judging by the grist lying around, recently contained very dangerous monsters.

FAILURE ARTIST: Apparently pets can collect grist for their masters...and know what grist is despite being a normal(?) animal.

BRIGHT: First Mom, and then Maplehoof, stand on a transportaliser platform and disappear. Second is Dad, who has just acquired a replacement shoe and hat (which showed up in the walkaround game, way back at the beginning of the Act), when he encounters a familiar-looking stranger with a Colonel Sassacre book, who leads him to another transportalizer platform. Both of these interludes do become relevant later, but at the time they seem a tad unnecessary.

Meanwhile, John uses Rose’s alchemiter and a code Davesprite gave him mid-rant to produce a truly epic hammer called FEAR NO ANVIL. It’s far too big for John to wield, but fortunately he can use the scaling upgrade on the alchemiter to reduce it to a more useable size. ...wait. When did Rose’s alchemiter get a scaling upgrade? Dave and Jade added a lot of modifications to his, but Rose’s should be the original edition. Sigh.

EB: so what is this? EB: the thing the code made... TG: really powerful hammer EB: how do you know? EB: i thought you couldn't use hammers. TG: i cant TG: better be though TG: got it from hephaestus EB: who's that? TG: really tough to kill dude EB: you killed him for it? TG: nope EB: how'd you get it then? TG: shenanigans EB: ok.

...and we’re back to sprite evasiveness. Davesprite is being less than forthcoming here, although it’s less obvious than with Nannasprite because it superficially imitates John and Dave’s bantering.

CHEL: Now, this would be a good way of keeping us interested if we were eventually going to see how he did it, and also they have a time limit, so not going off into a long anecdote would be understandable. However, we’ll see how his evasiveness level proceeds in the future.

BRIGHT: Dream Rose and Dave see John using Rose’s alchemiter on Dream Dave’s computer. Rose wakes up.

FAILURE ARTIST: It is interesting how early Homestuck avoided having characters have face-to-face conversations. Would have been unique if it kept up throughout the entire comic.

BRIGHT: Back in the meteor, GA hassles TA into opening the viewport on her computer. This turns out to be as simple as clicking on the point in Rose’s timeline that she wants to see. No wonder TA was frustrated!

Of course, by this point, the only one left in the room is Rose, now awake, and the young salamander. Rose hurries to catch up with John, but he blasts off to explore before she can reach him, taking her mutated kitten with him.

CHEL: John renames Vodka Mutini to Dr Meowgon Spengler, and Rose renames Casey to Viceroy Bubbles von Salamancer. Interesting link to the themes of identities which are starting to crop up, though it’s not really a direct analogue. The animals are the same animals with different names; the alternate timeline characters have the same names and superficially the same identities, but are they really the same people after their new experiences?

BRIGHT: Back on Derse, Lil Cal inexplicably lands on a stray rocket board, catching the attention of AR.

You're not sure which laws are being broken, but it is probably a lot.

AR follows Cal to yet another transportaliser, and they both dematerialise.

We jump back to John, who spies a boat on one of the islands dotting LOLAR and lands to investigate. He follows hoofprints in the sand into a subterranean hallway filled with monsters. Fortunately his new hammer has time powers, which stun the monsters long enough for John to kill them. Further on, he finds the transportaliser Mom used. John, naturally, stands on it, and is transported to a meteor in the Veil.

Actually, it’s not just a meteor; it’s one of the laboratories where the Skaian troops are produced. John, along with the cat and Maplehoof, finds a bunch of chess guys being grown in glass jars on a giant podium. Most of them are the standard carapaces we’re familiar with, but there are also a few larger pieces, apparently based on knights and rooks. He also finds a JUNIOR ECTOBIOLOGIST’S LAB SUIT, and another of those strange house-shaped sets of monitors.

On Prospit, PM is preparing to board a shuttle to Skaia when a COURTYARD DROLL sneaks up behind her. Unaccountably, she fails to notice him, despite the fact that he’s wearing a hat larger than he is. CD successfully pickpockets the White Queen’s ring, and PM departs for Skaia, none the wiser.

CD radios the DRACONIAN DIGNITARY to report mission success, and is told that he doesn’t need to keep wearing his ridiculous outfit, per orders from Jack Noir, who is now going by the SOVEREIGN SLAYER. CD says he’d rather keep wearing the outfit. Apart from the sword-through-the-chest part, it is a very nice outfit, so I’m with CD on this one.

Catastrophe is averted by Jade delivering a flying kick to CD’s head and following up with a very efficient smackdown. Her robot body replicates this back on Earth, beating the stuffing out of her mummified grandfather. Jade retrieves the ring, and puts it on her fingers to remind herself to give it back to PM later. Unfortunately, this doesn’t cause Jade to sprout wings and tentacles. Seems the rings don’t work on humans like that.

Meanwhile, in a Timeless Expanse, a WARWEARY VILLEIN is getting tired of the battle between Derse and Prospit. The next animation is called “WV?: Rise Up” and it’s one of my favorites! When I first read Homestuck I had to watch it a few times before I understood what was going on, but it is a very neat video.

Watch on YouTube

The Battlefield has been prototyped three times, and is now spherical. The forces of Derse and Prospit meet. The usual carapaces with swords are backed up by larger pieces -- some of them very strange -- and by battleships clashing in the sky. In the chaos, WV, who is farming peacefully on Skaia, has his home and farm burned down. He raises a flag and addresses the troops of both armies. Elsewhere, Jack Noir appears, flying over the Battlefield in search of the Black King.

WV rallies the armies and tells them that their real enemies are the monarchs, who are responsible for the war. Encouraged, the Dersite and Prospitan troops band together and march on the Black King.

Meanwhile, PM has reached the White King and discovers that she no longer has the White Queen’s ring. The White King listens to her and hands over his scepter, which seems to represent Skaia and serves a similar function to the Queens’ rings. Behind a nearby hill, the Hegemonic Brute radios somebody to report the transfer.

As WV and the united armies reach the Black King, Jack arrives and slices the Black King’s scepter in half, nullifying its powers and turning the Black King back into a normal carapace. PM is attacked by HB, who knocks the White King’s scepter out of her hand; it falls down a waterfall. Jack Noir beheads the Black King and turns to WV, and the animation ends.

...okay, much as I love it, I have to admit there’s a glaring question here: Namely, the kids started playing the Game less than a day ago and Dave’s kernelsprite has been prototyped for a few hours max. The second prototyping made the Battlefield more complex and the third took it into its current form. That’s a very short time to instigate a cross-faction revolution, organise the troops, and march on a monarch. For that matter, how long has WV been a farmer? The inhabitants of Derse and Prospit have obviously been doing their thing all the kids’ lives, but the Battlefield was supposedly a static, rudimentary space until John entered the Medium, so what gives?

Then again, the timeline in the Medium is supposed to be distinct from the timeline on Earth, so maybe that explains it?

CHEL: An interesting point is also raised by WV’s revolution. Namely, Derse is presented as a kingdom of darkness and evil by the game, while Prospit is presented as good. However, while PM is good, WV and AR are demonstrably not bad people either. In this animation, we see carapaces of both sides apparently don’t want to be involved in the war and are willing to rise up against the Black King. The rank-and-file carapaces on both sides, it seems, are decent people who are just following orders. (Not to mention very cute.) Jack Noir and his gang are nasty pieces of work, except CD who’s also just kind of going along with it, but there’s nothing saying white carapaces couldn’t also be… And is that a Problematykks point, presenting the black-coloured people as bad and the white-coloured ones as good? I know they’re chess pieces, but still.

This raises the question, however, what’s Derse’s motive? Are its rulers and archagents simply destroying for the evulz? I wonder. I also wonder how much Skaia itself is involved in this and how aware it is. Skaia is called the crucible of creation, and it’s responsible for the creation of the carapaces too. References are made to it “seeing” and “knowing”; it’s quite possibly sentient, though maybe not sapient. On top of that, SBurb is specifically a game, and a game needs an objective, and an adventure-type game needs enemies. Derse, it seems likely, was created and presented the way it is in order to give the players something to battle against even if its people don’t want to be their enemies. No wonder WV’s pissed!

BRIGHT: Yup. Hmm, thinking about it...the imps and other enemies we saw attacking John’s house early on were obviously Dersite, but the ones we’ve seen in Rose’s seem to be Prospitian, if anything? The colour scheme looks that way, at least. But Nanna said earlier that Derse was the enemy, nothing about Prospit.

Perhaps it has something to do with Rose being a Derse dreamer, while John is a Prospit dreamer? But in that case I’d have expected it to come up in the text. Instead it just goes unremarked.

Rose goes on a massive alchemising spree and ends up creating the Thorns of Oglogoth, a pair of wands.

The needles seem to shiver with the dark desires of THE DEEP ONE. Any sane adventurer would cast these instruments of the occult into the FURTHEST RING and forget they ever existed.

Instead of throwing the wands away, Rose takes on the enemies camping all over her house, with style.

Meanwhile, Dave goes on another, less visibly productive alchemising spree.

GET ON WITH IT!: 18

FAILURE ARTIST: The SBaHJifier could be considered productive in that it provides foreshadowing cartoons. Wish Dave’s Brain in a Jar came up again.

BRIGHT: Once he’s done creating smuppet variations to disturb the monsters encroaching on his house, he sits down to take a look at those two journals he copied from Rose earlier. One of them is called ‘MEOW’, and is literally just those same four letters, repeated over and over in different orders. The second is ‘Complacency of the Learned’.

There is no way to adequately recap the beauty of ‘Complacency of the Learned’, so we’re just going to show the whole thing:

Frigglish bothered his beard, as if unkinking a hitch in a long silk windsock. A more pedestrian audience would parse the exhibit as nervous compulsion. Behavior to petition contempt among the reasonable. He was however not surrounded by the reasonable, but the wise, a distinction in men that would forever be the difference in history's garland of treasured follies. As a matter of fact, his cadre of fellow wizards were all putting similar moves on their beards as well. The practice would evince thoughtfulness - sagacity, even - if they didn't do it all the time. Standing in line at the bank. Shooing squirrels from bird feeders. Few occasions were safe. Zazzerpan inspected the clue. A single piece of evidence cradled in his coriaceous old man palms. It was a human bone, not striking in the tale it told alone so much as that told by the thousands like it festooning the marshy soil of the mass grave. The grisly expanse bore the texture of a decadent dessert, like one of Smarny's formidable custard trifles wobbled out on wheels for the holidays, to the dismay of a small nation. "You're certain of this?" asked Frigglish. Despite what he was doing with his beard, he was, in fact, immersed in meaningful contemplation. "I am afraid I am becoming more so with each terrible tick groused by that gaudy timepiece slung around your neck." In case it wasn't clear, Frigglish wore a clock Zazzerpan didn't care for. It was magic. "The massacre of Syrs Gnelph was not as written." "What has you convinced it was the hand of our disciples in this blackness?" Executus chimed in. "I believe... I..." a fat face stammered, eyes darting with the guilt of a thief in the throes of an unraveling alibi. "I can summon a... more pressing line of inquiry..." No, Smarny. Nobody was in the mood for a sticky bundt loaf just now. Zazzerpan's ears fell insubstantial to any line of inquiry, pastry-oriented or otherwise. His abstruse contour carved a pondering shape in the fog carpeting centuries-dead. His eleven contemporaries too embraced the muted consternation of their great Predicant Scholar. Few wizards kept sharper adumbratives or read them with such lucidity. When Zazzerpan treated men with silence it was seldom unrepaid by the wise and reasonable alike. It was harrowing to entertain. Zazzerpan the Learned's storied Complacency of Wizards was marked for grander descendence. Disciples hand-picked, vetted by Ockite the Bonafide and tested by Gastrell the Munificent. The twelve sweetest, most studious children a pair of elderly eyes could give their sparkle. Not the ragged guttersnipe so oft-harvested by the common Obscenity, those vituperative little beggars with hearts to corrupt as dropped bananas brown. That these chosen youngsters would turn was not merely unthinkable, but something of a roundhouse to the temporal bones of the Upper Indifference's high chamber of Softskulled Prophets. His wisdom-savaged brow pruned further with recount of his many lessons to wouldbe successors. Lessons to advance humanity's elucidation and prosperity, an outcome this bleak trail now painfully obviated. There were few puzzles The Learned could not suspend and dissect in the recondite manifold beneath his extremely expensive pointy hat. Daring to pitch his cherished pupils in with the foul melange of history's rogues, the heretofore abstract scourge that built up civilizations with ungodly magic and tore them down with joyful malice, would prove an intellectual trespass to make his calcium-deficient bones quake. And more daring yet was the only question that now mattered. Could a bunch of bearded, scraggly old men in preposterous outfits hunt them down? He didn't have an answer. Only a simple observation so blunt and uncharacteristically jejune for the lauded sage it was breathtaking in its selfevidency. "We're going to need more wands." (Wow. Think of something better.)

Wow.

Dave is understandably intimidated by this, and decides to stop reading for now. He puts his copy of the SBURB Beta in the notebook to act as a bookmark, and leaves both books in his room for later.

Then he checks in on Rose, who is burning her version of the MEOW book.

CHEL: Dave inquires about the wizard story.

TG: i thought you hated wizards TG: whats the deal with that TT: I like wizards. TT: What I don't like is my mother's obsession with feigning interest in them to antagonize me. TG: oh man thats so messed up TG: that you think that TG: she probably digs wizards for real just like you and youre blowing shit out of proportion like pretty much always

Once again, we see exactly how fucked-up Rose’s relationship with her mother is. Mom Lalonde has somehow managed to raise a child in such a way that Rose interprets everything her mother does as an attempt to mock and provoke her.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 16

TIER: The Lalondes are pretty damn dysfunctional as a family unit, and considering the zany nature of early Homestuck and its world's weird logic that is saying something indeed.

CHEL: As for the MEOW book, it turns out the gods from the Furthest Ring informed Rose while she was sleeping that the book’s contents are highly dangerous and must be destroyed. Said gods dwell in the sky above Derse; Dave’s never heard or seen them, but Rose points out his dreamself is always wearing shades, listening to music, and distracted by Cal.

TT: You're the prince of the moon. TG: ........ TT: I'm sure they've been meaning to seek a royal audience. TG: ..........................

Davesprite chats to Rose next. She protests at being spied on by two people, but Davesprite asks her why she burned the codebook. She didn’t need to in the future, but according to her future memories of the gods absorbed from her future dreamself, Davesprite appeared to make it relevant by traveling to the past. A sinister and familiar face watches through Dave’s window, soon proving to be the Draconian Dignitary, while Dave and Davesprite awkwardly spout elaborate mixed metaphors about how safe they are, until Dave, embarrassed, says "so i guess ill go back down and burn that book".

As any savvy reader could guess, he’s too late. The prompt suggests that he should go back in time to stop the books from being stolen, but, well...

It looks like you already tried that. GORE GALORE: 10

Dave looks completely undisturbed, but whether he is undisturbed is a different matter. He flings the corpse out the window into the lava, claiming it would freak Jade out.

John, in the lab, presses a button, causing the first monitor to depict his town, shortly before his birth. There is a Betty Crocker factory and a shopping mall, neither of which are in the town now. Zooming in locks a target over Nanna Egbert, who is taking a stroll with Dad. A meteor looms; this looks like it’s going to go very badly, considering the target lock, but it hits the factory instead. When John presses the glowing blue button, a PARADOX GHOST IMPRINT of Nanna is created; refer back to Rose’s experimentation in the lab and the green slime blobs. This time, the slime is sucked into a tube.

The next monitor does something similar with Grandpa Harley on his ship, and the next the same with Bro Strider, who stands over a meteor crater on an unseasonably warm day; something of an understatement, as the sky is the same lurid red and the sun the same glowing spiral that they were during the Strider bros’ battle even though it’s December. Bro is, regardless, prepared for the occasion with a small pair of outrageously awesome shades. What he needs these for will soon be revealed.

The fourth monitor goes back to John’s home town, a gigantic crater where the factory once was. In the shopping mall, Dad Egbert stands outside a joke shop, while Nanna apparently remains inside, busying herself with a tall bookshelf, a ladder, and a rather hefty unabridged joke book.

Mom Lalonde, clutching the infant Rose and wearing a rather snazzy long Jaspersprite-pink scarf, has come to town to study the meteor impact at the request of Grandpa Harley while he explores elsewhere. Unfortunately, now is the time a meteor chooses to strike Nanna’s location, destroying the shop.

An old mother lost today, but a new son gained.

Wait for it.

Mom Lalonde flees, dropping her scarf, which Dad Egbert picks up and slightly creepily sniffs. The monitor continues tracking her, and John captures her paradox imprint too, starting the machines whirring away...

Four babies abruptly appear on the pad, already diapered and bespectacled and old enough to sit up unaided. Convenient, no?

When the kitten jumps on a green button, the slime is blended in pairs; Nanna’s and Grandpa’s, and Mom’s and Bro’s. More blinking lights ensue, and another four extremely familiar-looking babies appear.

BRIGHT: I will say this: These kids are adorable.

While babies clamber over him, John vaults up his echeladder to the rank of Ectobiolobabysitter, acquiring one million Boondollars in the process. This automatically converts itself to a Boonbuck, the weight of which smashes his Porkhollow.

Finding out just what is going on here will have to wait, as the comic takes a brief detour to a battleship navigating the Medium nearby. There’s someone very familiar at the wheel…

An old man has much to do before he returns to Earth, dies, gets stuffed by his adopted-yet-biological daughter-slash-grand-daughter, and stuck in front of a fireplace.

Also aboard the ship are Dad Egbert and Mom Lalonde. Dad returns Mom’s scarf, and the two of them hold hands as Grandpa Harley pilots the ship towards Skaia.

We return to the lab, where John has his hands full with the babies. One of them has managed to break one of the paradox slime jars from earlier, but appears uninjured. Also, CG’s trolling him again.

CHEL: CG makes mention of the ULTIMATE RIDDLE, but John is confused because CG hasn’t told him about that yet. He uses an ableist description in explaining.

CG: SEE I KIND OF PAINTED MYSELF INTO A CORNER. CG: I STARTED TROLLING YOU AT THE END, JUST BEFORE THE RIFT. CG: AND THEN JUMPED BACK A LITTLE. CG: AND NOW I GUESS I'VE BECOME RAILROADED INTO WORKING BACKWARDS HERE. CG: UNLESS I WANT TO DO THE SORT OF DUMB SCHIZOPHRENIC HOPPING AROUND LIKE THE OTHERS. CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 18

… why wouldn’t you just hop right back to the start and work in a linear fashion from there?

TIER: Because CG excels at making things complicated for himself and is fundamentally rather stubborn and set in his ways/actions. Like he's made his bed, he's gonna lie in it.

CHEL: Anyway, CG banters with John for a bit, and then informs him that he (John) has arrived in the Veil and created infant versions of the players and their guardians.

EB: so they are like cloned copies of us? CG: NO. CG: THEY ARE LITERALLY YOU AND YOUR GUARDIANS. CG: PARADOX CLONES.

A paradox clone, we are informed, is A CORRECTLY CLONED DUPLICATE THAT WILL INEVITABLY GO BACK IN TIME AND BECOME THE ORIGINAL TARGET THAT WAS CLONED. The game worlds contain many clues hinting at the ultimate destiny of the players to create their own selves through the game, and the only way things could possibly go involved the players creating themselves, or else the game session would never happen.

CG: WHICH IS ESPECIALLY PATHETIC SINCE PARADOX SPACE APPARENTLY WENT TO ALL THIS TROUBLE TO MAKE YOU JUST TO HAVE YOU FAIL AND DIE. CG: REALLY THERE'S NOTHING MORE TRAGIC THAN THESE NULL SESSIONS FULL OF KIDS ENTERING THE GAME AND FULFILLING SOME COSMIC DESTINY SHIT JUST TO GET WIPED OUT AND LEAVE BEHIND AN EMPTY POINTLESS INCIPISPHERE FOR ALL ETERNITY.

Tragic and completely unnecessary, when there are millions of perfectly good humans already in existence who could just as easily create winning game sessions without this aspect of it. Here we see another aspect of Homestuck which hasn’t come up quite so clearly before; an extremely weird take on determinism. I’m not sure if this is meant as a parody of Chosen One plotlines or if Hussie just thought it sounded cool, but it’s uncomfortable. As it turns out, only clones created by SBurb have a hope in hell of winning the game, and even they fail most of the time. Regular people who enter the game to save themselves from the destruction of the planet will fail and die there, which honestly is not really selling this game as a good thing, since it’s what causes the destruction of the planet in the first place. I’ve had actual, legitimate, honest-to-God nightmares about this aspect of SBurb, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think many fans wish to play SBurb. There’s lots of fan sessions and fake GameFAQs and custom Lands. Yet in reality SBurb is not a fun time. This is cosmic horror. I think Hussie is sometimes playing it for horror and sometimes he ignores the implications.

Then again, some people want to live on the troll planet, which is straight-up dystopia.

CHEL: Again, it isn’t really clear what he’s going for. Is it supposed to be terrifying or did he just think it would be clever? Does even Hussie know what he was going for? While it’s not exactly a joke, I think it’s worth another point here:

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 17

It might be a joke. As I said, I could see it as a parody of or playing with the Chosen One narrative. In this case, literally only the chosen ones have any hope, for reasons that are not down to any merit of their own. But if it is, there isn’t really much made of it.

Of course, the reasons people want to live on the troll planet are reasonable when taken alone, but a) contradicted every alternate scene and b) not a fair trade for everything else that’s going on there. But we’ll get to that when we actually see it. And I admit, SBurb powers would be fun, but not worth the loss of my entire species.

TIER: To me at least it's fun in the same way wondering how I'd fare as a wizard during Harry Potter's years at Hogwarts, or a ninja in Naruto is. Fundamentally you'd rather want to never encounter this sorta stuff even if you get some swanky I guess powers, but the mental exercise of it is quite honestly, really fun. The game has quite a lot of interesting things to poke around with, from lands to quests to what your co-players are up to. And I'm def guilty of playing trollsona games, because the world presented is just really fascinating in its gruesome glory.

Never want to have to actually go through it, Lord knows I'd be dead within the first ten minutes if I'm super lucky, but stories about it are pretty neat.

CHEL: That’s true, but the paradox clones thing seems almost to be taunting us for having that mentality. We can pretend we’d be the super-smart strong competent ones who make it, but in this universe if we demonstrably have parents we’re doomed to die for nothing and there’s nothing we can do about it.

BRIGHT: Another fun thing about this is that it fundamentally isolates the players from the rest of humanity. If you think about it, unless they have children with a non-player, they are completely unrelated to anyone else on Earth.

CHEL: And they can’t have kids with a non-player unless something thoroughly horrible happened, because as is stated later SBurb specifically takes its players away and destroys their planet around the point of their puberty.

BRIGHT: Although I think John is actually related to Dad — as far as we’re told, Dad is in fact Nanna’s biological son, which makes him genetically John’s half-brother.

They also miss out on (going by how active the babies are) the first couple of years of life. Those two years are crucial in terms of brain development. SBURB probably controls for that, but it wouldn’t be surprising if there were negative consequences.

Oh, and if you’re a player, your existence means your civilisation is doomed. Lovely!

CHEL: And do the players ever feel any guilt or conflict over this? Do they hell. It doesn’t even occur to them, and I’m pretty sure it didn’t occur to Hussie either.

TIER: Welcome to the hell game that is SBURB; it's fundamentally pretty fucked up! It runs on a hellish scale of "things have already been predetermined" and I am Big Fear™.

CHEL: That’ll come up later, too, but there it’s obviously intentional nightmare fuel, and not at all a bad use of time travel as a story device.

CG, meanwhile, explains that he was the one to create his session’s players. With twelve of them it was a bit more complicated, but troll lineages are complicated anyway, and we’ll find out how later.

The babies are still getting all over the lab. Note that they're repeatedly referred to as "little pink monkeys". Then again, calling a non-white child a monkey really wouldn't be good.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 18

John’s infant self has latched onto the Sassacre book, while his infant Nanna is sitting in Dad Egbert’s old hat. Baby Bro is napping in the lap of Lil Cal; that baby’s braver than I am, I can tell you that. Baby Dave is sitting on Maplehoof, and baby Grandpa has found a pair of pistols. John does not take them away from him, or even seem to notice he has them.

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 7

BRIGHT: Earlier baby Bro broke one of the paradox slime cylinders and was sitting in it. John is pretty astoundingly bad at keeping babies away from obvious hazards.

TIER: That or the equipment is probably not sturdy enough to make it past an inspection into faulty management.

CHEL: But then he’s distracted by CG trolling him again, at least this time moving forward in time from the last conversation.

CG, like GA, apparently fails to grasp sarcasm...

EB: we had this great dare going. EB: to see who could be the least helpful and informative. EB: and you totally lost, dude! EB: you were hella helpful. CG: I WAS OBVIOUSLY JUST SPITING YOUR STUPID POINTLESS HUMAN DARE. [...] CG: ANYWAY, HOW COULD WE HAVE MADE A DARE IF I'M MOVING BACKWARDS ON YOUR TIMELINE.

… which is weird because moments later he uses it himself.

EB: do you even have elves? CG: YES, LET'S COMPARE WHICH FANTASY CREATURES THAT DON'T EXIST WE BOTH DO OR DON'T NOT HAVE. CG: WHAT A GREAT FUCKING IDEA, JOHN!

Hussie seems to waver back and forth a lot on whether trolls get sarcasm or not, in general. Since he’s contradicting himself with troll worldbuilding, that’s a point.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19

Banter aside, he informs John that the babies are sent to Earth via meteors during the Reckoning.

BRIGHT: How do they survive the impact? Some of those meteor strikes destroy buildings. Those are some ridiculously resilient kids.

CHEL: Cut to AR, who is still having fun on the rocketboard, until he runs into a frog temple atop a meteor. This is apparently horrifying and illegal by his standards.

You are going to throw whoever is responsible into the slammer. You always call jail the slammer when you are extra angry at crimes.

Inside, he finds an empty time capsule, like Jade’s, some complicated machinery, and a monitor screen showing a greyscale house with a very familiar bespectacled female infant and dirty old hat in it. The year depicted, says the monitor, is 1910. Enter none other than Colonel Sassacre himself.

Eight days prior, the orphan girl was taken in by an aristocratic southern colonel and legendary humorist. He recovered the young lady from a crater where a bakery once stood, operated by the man's wife, a notable baked goods baroness.

An explosion outside leads them both to a crater, where once stood the doghouse of the colonel’s pet, Halley, but before the Colonel can investigate further he’s shot through the heart.

This is exactly why babies should not be allowed to dual-wield flintlock pistols.

BRIGHT: I remain baffled as to how Baby Grandpa can even lift those things, let alone pull the triggers.

CHEL: Baby Grandpa crawls from the crater, and Halley the dog turns out to be alive.

The young boy has difficulty pronouncing the name though. Sounds more like "Harley" when he says it.

How does he know it? The colonel died before he even noticed the baby was there. Is baby Nanna speaking well enough to tell him yet? I guess he could be told later, as Sassacre wasn’t in fact their only sapient guardian...

Thirteen years later, the boy develops a taste for adventure. He and his guardian bid farewell. His sister is sad. She will be left all alone with the wicked pastry baroness. She can handle it, he tells her. He believes in her.

It isn’t clear why she didn’t go with him, or leave under her own power. They don’t seem to be imprisoned, as the panel depicts them outside on grass with no restraints or guards over them, so it’s not a matter of only one of them being able to get out. That’s a point for Nanna not trying and a point for Grandpa not bringing her:

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 9

That dog is also remarkably lively, considering it, unlike Bec, is an entirely normal dog, it was an adult thirteen years previously, and it’s somehow supporting the weight of an entire teenager on its back (again, please don’t try this at home, you can break the dog’s spine that way).

FAILURE ARTIST: As we’ve said, Colonel Sassacre is a thinly-veiled Mark Twain expy. The real Mark Twain died in 1910 at the same time Halley’s Comet was in the sky. It’s a cute historical gag having him be literally killed by a comet but it does muck up the timeline. Nanna must have been a senior citizen when Dad was born. Perhaps he’s adopted?

CHEL: The other option is that Dad is a senior citizen now, but surely John would have wondered why his dad is so ridiculously old. I think it’s just that thing in mainstream comics and cartoons where adults are split into Old and Not Old, and the parents are normal ages for parents but the grandparents would have to be in their hundreds going by the gags. See how Scrooge McDuck in the DuckTales reboot is over a hundred and forty years old yet his sister’s son is still a youngish adult.

AR notes that the appearifier is centred over Halley the dog, but hears someone coming. It proves to be the Draconian Dignitary. AR hides and watches, noting that DD is carrying Rose’s notebooks and Dave’s beta envelopes. DD keeps the MEOW book, but throws away the other items. Complacency of the Learned lands on the floor, and the envelopes land in the time capsule, which sets to bloom in four hundred and thirteen million years.

Meanwhile, John talks to CG while infant Mom Lalonde pets the mutant kitten. John asks if there’s any way to delay the Reckoning, but nope; CG warns him that the smallest meteors will start going in only a few minutes.

EB: ok, well you keep saying how doomed we are and how all this bad stuff happens sooner, but you never say why! EB: what happens in our game that's different from yours that makes things go so badly? CG: JACK NOIR.

The Jack Noir from the trolls’ game session allied with them and helped them dethrone and exile the Black Queen, while the one from the humans’ session, as you may recall, killed the Black Monarchs and gained their powers, and is currently rampaging through the Incipisphere. John asks if it’s the same Jack Noir, but CG explains.

CG: SO LET'S SAY YOU PLAY YOUR BANDICOOT AND I PLAY MY BANDICOOT. CG: THEY ARE ESSENTIALLY THE SAME BANDICOOT, SAME APPEARANCE AND DESIGN AND BEHAVIORS. CG: BUT THEY ARE STILL COMPLETELY SEPARATE BANDICOOTS ON SEPARATE SCREENS. CG: SO WE BOTH HAVE OUR OWN ASS BANDICOOTS TO OURSELVES, THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT. CG: OUR JACKS ARE THE SAME BUT DIFFERENT TOO. CG: SAME GUY, DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES AND OUTCOMES. CG: OUR JACK TRUMPED THE QUEEN, BUT GOT NO FURTHER. CG: YOUR JACK GOT THE BEST OF BOTH OF THEM, AND IS NOW SOMETHING HIGHER THAN A QUEEN OR A KING… EB: like an ace? CG: SURE OK.

The trolls don’t know what went so differently to cause the two Jacks to behave so differently, but CG doesn’t think it matters by now. John interrupts him, deciding to do yet another Con Air ending re-enactment.

Watch on YouTube

Recap: montage of Con Air posters and images to the tune of “How Do I Live Without You”. John hands the thoroughly disgusting Con Air bunny to the protesting baby Rose, while CG watches huffily on his monitor. Jade demands a toy too, so John hands her the bunny he received from Rose in an excessively dramatic fashion. CG frustratedly hits himself in the head. In scribbly crayon-like drawings, Casey the salamander performs a drum solo with glowing blue mushrooms for drums and the Con Air plane crashes. More Con Air imagery, John embraces baby Jade and the baby Lalondes while sobbing; GC points and laughs at him over CG’s shoulder and they have a slapfight. John imagines himself in Nic Cage’s iconic wifebeater and mullet and performs an air guitar solo.

TIER: Lemme tell ya, as someone who's only experience with this darn movie is whatever pops up courtesy of John this sequence is just a trip and a half. Possibly a higher number.

CHEL: Cut to end-of-act curtains; they open on the next page, declaring a PSYCHE; there are more pages to go.

Cut to Dave’s hands, covered in the dead Dave’s blood. I… guess he’s supposed to be staring at them in shock? It’s impossible to tell through his shades. For all I know he could be worried about the cleanup. GC trolls him and they banter creepily, with her demanding to know what his blood smells like and him taunting her about her blindness.

TG: just him and me TG: havin a see party TG: like a couple of eagle eyed bros peepin shit up into the wee hours GC: D4V3 GC: C4N 1 COM3 TO YOUR S33 P4RTY? TG: i guess but youll have to be careful not to stumble around bumping into all the gorgeous masterpieces hanging around everywhere TG: god so beautiful to look at with my perfect eyesight GC: C4N 1 L1CK TH3 P41NT1NGS? TG: yeah thats fine

Neither of them seems to take it particularly hard. If there was narrative around the dialogue, I think we’d get a better grasp of how Dave feels. Lacking much body language or punctuation, tone is a bit tricky to get.

FAILURE ARTIST: There’s a character later who gets a lot of grief for insulting her blindness but reading what John, Dave, and CG say I don’t know how that character could be worse.

CHEL: AT, meanwhile, is trolling Jade, rather politely. He even takes time to ask if she’s having a good nap. She’s worried about John’s dreamself not waking, and AT scrolls into his view of the future timeline, but can’t find John awake, nor see into his dreams. Jade, however, will wake up soon, and she thanks him for this report. Unfortunately, when Jade wakes up she will be in danger, and AT can’t see any further. He tells her CG wants to talk to her about her exploding robot. He can’t see whether it exploded or not because there are a lot of explosions, but asking future Jade shows it did, and that she declared CG to be a pretty nice guy, which surprises AT since he doesn’t think CG is particularly nice. Jade says she thinks AT is nice too, and asks why he’s the only one who talks to her while she’s asleep.

AT: bECAUSE YOU HAVE A ROBOT, tO LET YOU SAY THINGS THAT HAPPEN, oN PROSPIT, AT: aND i'M CURIOUS, AT: bECAUSE THE ONLY TIME i EVER HAD FUN PLAYING THIS GAME WAS WHEN i WAS ASLEEP, AT: bUT NOW ALL OUR DREAM SELVES ARE DEAD, AT: }:'(

AT happily remembers his own time on Prospit, and we cut back to Rose, being trolled by GA despite the fact that Rose is obviously in the middle of an epic magic battle. The conversation is understandably chilly, and GA still hasn’t figured out that “Dumb Rose” as opposed to “Smart Rose” was John rather than a bizarre roleplaying scenario.

GC continues trolling Dave. He asks her how she operates a computer without sight.

GC: 1M SORRY D4V3 TH4T YOU W1LL N3V3R 3XP3R13NC3 TH3 S3NSORY BOUQU3T TH4T 1 3NJOY 3V3RY D4Y GC: TH4T 1 3NSCONC3 MYS3LF 1N L1K3 4 W4RM 4ND COMFY B4THROB3 M4D3 OF FL4VOR 4ND M3LODY TG: oh ok TG: so the dumbest and most far fetched explanation imaginable ok got it

Yes, pretty much. This brings me to a Problematykks point; GC is supposed to be blind, but it really doesn’t seem to affect her in any way at all. Its workaround is ridiculously convenient and effective, and while I’m not blind myself, I know many people with physical disabilities hate it when fiction does this. I know I would be pissed off if a piece of fiction showed an easy and convenient way to not have autism anymore. (Horrible, horrible memories of someone back in the days of Livejournal’s Fanficrants of a fic in which autism was somehow cured by having a foursome. I don’t remember how that was supposed to work.) “She’s a space alien” only goes so far in explaining it. Why even bother making her blind if it’s not going to affect her in any way?

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s the least blind blind person in media. Characters like Daredevil from Marvel Comics and Toph from Avatar the Last Airbender have a Disability Superpower but at the end of the day they still can’t do things like read printed text. GC has no disadvantages.

BRIGHT: She can apparently smell and taste photons.

Which raises the question why none of the other trolls ever show a heightened sense of smell or taste. If GC can learn to interpret smells as colours, her sense of smell must have been that strong all along, and there’s no indication in the text that she’s biologically more sensitive than her companions. Trolls must be better at following a trail than bloodhounds.

CHEL: Synaesthesia which makes one strongly associate colours with smells is a thing, and synaesthesia is generally the word the fandom uses to explain Terezi’s ability, but you still have to actually see the colours for that to work. If she was only mostly blind and was picking up blurry colour patches, I could buy it (and that is how the fandom tends to do it with human AUs), but not if she’s supposed to be completely blind, and she still wouldn’t be able to read text that way.

BRIGHT: Time for another animation, and for a hop back into the recent past.

Watch on YouTube

As the meteor locked onto Dave’s house approaches, Dave climbs up the tower to retrieve his cruxite egg from the nest his sprite made. Unfortunately the sprite attacks him, knocking him and the egg off the tower. Bro Strider appears on top of the approaching meteor and slices it in half with his katana; the two halves are diverted by the blow and strike different areas of the city. Dave’s fall is broken by a rocket board, which is presumably how Bro got up to the meteor in the first place. (How did he manage to aim it to intercept Dave’s fall? Wouldn’t it take longer to get from the meteor to Dave than it takes for Dave to fall from the top of the tower to the roof of the building? We shall never know.) The egg hatches, and Dave is transported into the Medium. There’s no sign of what happens to Bro.

CHEL: Yet more cartoon physics around the Strider bros.

BRIGHT: I don’t know if we mentioned this earlier, but although Dave and Bro live in an apartment block that presumably housed multiple people, only Dave’s apartment gets transported into the Medium. Everyone else in the complex is left to die on Earth. SBURB is sociopathic.

Elsewhere in the Medium, back in the present, Grandpa’s ship is approaching Skaia, with Mom Lalonde and Dad Egbert on board.

Down on Skaia, Jack Noir draws his sword and slaughters the army WV raised to march on the Black King. WV cowers, but Jack leaves him alive. He then uses the Black Queen’s ring to send some sort of giant red tentacle attack through Skaia, slaughtering Dersite and Prospitian forces indiscriminately.

CHEL: Are they tentacles? I always thought of them as some sort of lightning lasers.

BRIGHT: That makes a lot more sense!

In the ectobiology lab, as the clock ticks down to the Reckoning, the babies are teleported to asteroids around the lab. There must be an air supply in this asteroid belt — characters are consistently shown as being able to survive outside.

CHEL: Maybe it’s just the players’ natural badassery. Batman Can Breathe In Space.

BRIGHT: On Skaia, CD makes his way through Jack’s slaughter fest, which has now ravaged a sizeable chunk of planet, and hands him the White King’s sceptre. Jack raises the sceptre and initiates the Reckoning. The meteorites start to vanish into Skaia’s defence portals. In the frog temple, DD somehow combines the MEOW genetic code with a paradox clone of Halley, creating Jade’s guardian Bec. Bec’s creation damages the laboratory equipment in the temple.

Cut to Jade, who is snoozing peacefully while her dream self explores Prospit. She looks up at Skaia, to see Jack’s shadow passing in front of it. Jack launches his tentacle attack on Prospit, slaughtering the inhabitants, then severs the chain attaching Prospit’s moon to the planet. The moon begins falling towards Skaia.

Jack then flies to LOHAC, where he encounters Bro Strider on one of the turntable mesas. Unexpectedly, Bro is able to give Jack an even fight. After a few exchanges, he drives his katana into the mesa; some sort of golden light emanates from the crack, and Bro absconds.

Wait, how did Bro get onto LOHAC? How did he survive the meteor impacts?

TIER: The ol' "rule of cool". As long as something is sufficiently "absolutely kickass!!" the rules of reality and physics can go sit on the bleachers twiddling their thumbs for all they fucking matter. There's a reason early fandom pinned down Bro as an unorthodox but immensely cool older brother type guy for so long. Because with what little information was available before we got bludgeoned with "No actually he was the absolute fucking worst thing to happen to Dave and fucked him up for life" that was the general impression he gave off.

CHEL: This and the meteor splitting are yet more reason not to take Bro’s treatment of Dave seriously; this is a world in which ludicrous animesque badassery rules the day, and physically impossible feats of battle occur every five minutes. Forcing a child to go through extensive and excessive sword training in brutal heat in a precarious place, possibly every day, ought by rights to be normal there, and I can’t believe he was physically hurt by swordfighting when he survived a meteor collision as an infant. Besides, training that extensive quite possibly could be the only thing that would keep Dave alive in these circumstances.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18

BRIGHT: There’s a random Squiddles interlude, and then we return to Skaia.

John’s unconscious dream self has fallen out of Prospit’s moon as it plummets towards Skaia. Jade tries shaking him awake, and then slaps him, but to no avail. At the last moment, she throws him out of the path of the moon, and her dream self is then killed when it lands on her. Back on Earth, her dreambot overloads and explodes.

CHEL: Taking her tower room with it; Jade’s sleeping body plummets towards the earth.

BRIGHT: The moon leaves a gigantic crater in Skaia. John’s now-conscious dreamself hovers above it.

The babies vanish through the defence portals to Earth.

CHEL: Each takes an item with them. John takes the Sassacre book, Rose the first Con Air bunny, Dave rides Maplehoof, Jade takes the bunny Rose gave to John (which is in fact the Con Air bunny plus several years and repairs), Nanna sits inside Dad’s old hat, Mom takes the mutant kitten, Bro sleeps in the lap of Li’l Cal, and Grandpa dual wields the flintlock pistols he should not be allowed.

BRIGHT: Dave and Rose reach the Gates above their houses and set out to explore their Lands. We close on an eerie shot of Bec outside the frog temple on Jade’s island at night.

CHEL: Jade’s tower room is blown to bits, and a truly enormous meteor hovers over the scene.

Curtains close. End of Act 4. Before Act 5, we receive a message from Rose, via her GameFAQ.

[ZZZZ] Rose: Egress. This is my final entry. My co-players and I have made every earnest attempt, with occasional relapse, to play this game the right way.

Really? You haven’t been in the game for more than a couple of hours and Jade still isn’t in at all! Maybe consider that the fact that not all your players are in the game yet when you wonder why it isn’t working?

I have been meticulous in documenting the process to help our peers and successors through the trials should we fail. In my hubris I believed these classes were relegated to the Earth-bound, but in even this quaint supposition I was in error. Our otherworldly antagonists have assured us of our inevitable failure repeatedly, while the gods whisper corroboration in my sleep. I believe them now. I just blew up my first gate. I’m not sure why I did it, really. I am not playing by the rules anymore. I will fly around this candy-coated rock and comb the white sand until I find answers. No one can tell me our fate can’t be repaired. We’ve come too far. I jumped out of the way of a burning fucking tree, for God’s sake.

I can see her point. The game is horrible and should be stopped. On the other hand, I’d at least attempt to spend more than one day investigating it before trying to break it. Randomly destroying shit is more likely to make things much worse than anything else.

I have used a spell to rip this walkthrough from Earth’s decaying network, and sealed it in one of the servers floating in the Furthest Ring. The gods may disperse the signal throughout the cosmos as they wish. Perhaps it will be of use to past or future species who like us have been ensnared by Skaia’s malevolent tendrils. In case it wasn’t clear, magic is real. Pardon my egress. You’re on your own now.

This note is signed with a glowing multicoloured “RL” and revealed to be emitted from a purple box with an aerial, floating in space. It seems that’s how their internet’s still working.

FAILURE ARTIST: The internet seems to be a magical dimension in Homestuck and not something that’s part of physical infrastructure.

CHEL: Hours in the future, WV lands in the desert remains of Earth, wrapped up in John’s old ghost-patterned bedsheet, which is still white. A villein becomes a vagabond. In his memory, he tears up an effigy of Jack Noir… where’d he get it? Did the game create it for some reason? Anyway, John’s blanket falls on him from the sky as Prospit plummets; WV calls it a RAG OF SOULS. Adorably melodramatic.

John’s awoken dreamself gazes sadly at Jade’s deceased one, which for some reason isn’t actually under the rubble of Prospit and appears to still be three-dimensional. There’s no excessive blood splatter like with the dead Dave, which is good, not too over the top. He retrieves the Queen’s ring from her hand. Was he told at any point that it’s important? Because if he doesn’t know, I’m not sure robbing the dead is very heroic. He sees an image of himself flying over the battlefield in a large cloud above him; in the vision he’s near a castle, so he goes to seek it out.

On Earth, PM wraps herself up in an old Prospit banner. A mistress becomes a mendicant. In her memories, she has beheaded the Hegemonic Brute and is arranging a meeting with Jack Noir. He arrives and she presents the crowns; smirking evilly, he honours their bargain, and the Courtyard Droll brings her the green parcel. She brings it to the castle from John’s vision as he arrives there, hands over the box, and angrily walks away.

FAILURE ARTIST: She’s Honor Before Reason (maybe she’s programmed that way) but she has the right reaction. This is a lot to go through to deliver a package.

CHEL: Inside the box is a letter from Jade’s unknown pen pal, who writes in dark green and a distinctive jolly-hockey-sticks dialect, with a tendency to ramble off on tangents about movies and wrestling.

Anyway you should listen to jade from here on out john because she sure seems to know whats best for you. Whatever your adventure throws at you im sure shell tell you you can handle it. She believes in you.

And another letter from Jade.

even though its super late and you probably went through a lot of trouble to get it, i really hope this present cheers you up! you looked so sad while you were reading my letter. um... which is to say, the one you are reading now.

She explains that in her dreams she goes to Prospit and John’s sleeping dream self is there, and that’s where she gets her visions. She hopes he likes his present, and says her penpal is fun…

john i am REALLY looking forward to seeing you when you wake up!!!!! its been nice playing with my prospitian friends and all, but also kind of lonely knowing you were in the other tower sleeping and having lousy dreams. :( im not sure where i am when you are reading this but im sure ill make it down to where you are soon! (jeez how did you get down there??? oh well ill find out) i cant wait to fly around the moon with you and show you all my favorite places. itll be so much fun!!!!!!!!! :D <3 jade

Ow. I think this is the only time John cries in the entire comic.

A Single Tear(™) is a bit of an understated reaction to the death of one of your best friends who you just recently learned is also your twin sister, but to be fair, John isn’t left with very much time to react, as next panel Jack Noir’s sword is pointed at his face.

BRIGHT: John knows about dream selves and waking selves by now, I think?

CHEL: He knows they’re a thing but I don’t think he knows they count as backup lives. AT told Jade dream selves can die separately from regular selves but I don’t think anyone told John.

FAILURE ARTIST: Jack Noir wants the ring, but then he’s stopped by Jade’s gift: a robotic bunny wielding multiple weapons.

They line up for a fight.

Hours in the future, on a destroyed planet, AR wraps police tape around himself and becomes a Aimless Renegade. Before the disaster, he went to the Veil, where he found a sleeping John. He saves John by putting him on a rocket board.

Back to the robotic bunny. Jack Noir flies away from the fight. Grandpa’s battleship lands and Grandpa takes away Jade’s body. Mom and Dad disembark the ship and wave goodbye as it leaves. Grandpa cries a Single Tear as he transports Jade’s already taxidermed body. Did he have a machine?

CHEL: For that matter, why isn’t he helping anyone who’s actually still alive while he’s there?

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10

FAILURE ARTIST: Nope, transporting a dead body is more important.

Again going back, White Queen leaves Prospit. On landing, she becomes Windswept Questant and wanders the Earth. We go forward years later. She repairs the laboratory and meets up with AR, WV, and PM. WV’s homemade spear hides the ring.

John watches this scene through the clouds of Skaia. He looks at the ring in his hand. In another cloud, there’s Jade’s laboratory. We close in on it and inside is The Fourth Wall. It isn’t turned on, but we are still lead to Andrew Hussie, banging away on a computer keyboard as he recaps the plot for a second time.

CHEL: Which we shall do as well when we’re done with this section, because it’s insanely hard to keep track of everything.

FAILURE ARTIST: Andrew Hussie says Nanna’s comet landed 99 years before John’s “birth” so he has some clue about the age but still doesn’t see it odd that a woman that age has a son who is probably only in his thirties.

CHEL: As I said, it’s also possible Dad was really old too, but that’s never really suggested. Not to mention, since they were brought into existence as toddlers, shouldn’t the kids be noticeably older than the ages given for them? John should be biologically fourteen to fifteen by now and at that age that can make a visible difference. I know the art style doesn’t really give clues, but no one I’ve seen has ever pointed that out in fanfic either.

FAILURE ARTIST: Newborns aren’t distinctive looking and can’t really do the cute things toddlers do. People in TV and movies regularly give birth to six month old infants so it’s not strange.

CHEL: True, but this isn’t TV, it’s a comic, and they don’t have to use an actual infant as a prop here.

BRIGHT: Possibly it’s intentional. Among other things, we see the newly-created players survive short trips through vacuum, crash-land on Earth without even minor injuries, and handle weapons they shouldn’t be able to lift for another four or five years. This could work if players have superhuman abilities (that is, beyond the classpect system). If that was the intent then it really should be made more explicit, though.

Of course, what it really boils down to is that Homestuck runs off Rule of Cool and Rule of Funny, and occasionally breaks down on examination as a result.

On the whole this is a solid Act, I think! We have a lot of new stuff happening, more characters get introduced, and we find out some more about the trolls. It’s much less rambling than Act 1.

COUNTS ALL THE LUCK: 0 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 18 CALL CPA PLEASE: 8 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 19 GET ON WITH IT!: 18 GORE GALORE: 10 HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 15 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 10 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 0 RELATIONSHIP GOALS?: 1 SEND THEM TO THE SLAMMER: 1 SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS: 0 WHAT IS HAPPENING??: 9 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 19 TOTAL: 127

[imagine-loki]

Two Hot Chocolates, A Brownie and A Norse God of Mischief

TITLE: Two Hot Chocolates, A Brownie and a Norse God Of Mischief

CHAPTER NUMBER: One-shot

AUTHOR: Inspired-snowflace

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: imagine that you are really interested in MARVEL and you and your friend are always like quoting the movies and so one day ur in a cafe and u say a Loki quote and then someone behind u finishes the quote ur saying and it sounds hella like Loki so u turn around to be like whoa great impression but when you turn around it’s actually Loki and he’s like nice impression and ur like dead and just fangirling and Loki is just loving being adored so much and so u two end up hanging out and fall in love

NOTES/WARNINGS: I haven’t written anything in the past 3 months. So this is my attempt to get back to writing. I am sorry if it isn’t good, but I tried real hard. I am sorry it I disappointed the original imagine writer due to not putting the same ending. (And not to mention half of it iust got deleted by itself)

"When you said you were opening Wakanda to the world, this is not what I imagined."

“Well, what did you imagine?”

“The Olympics, a starbucks maybe?”

That was it. That was all your crazy friend had to say to lead to this moment. You had shifted to a new place and this was the first time your friend was visiting you. You took her to the nearby Starbucks, because Olympics wasn’t really your cup of tea. As you entered the store, the only noise was the small bell on the door. Well, that you and your friend were here, not anymore.

“I am Loki of Asgard and I am burdened with glorious purpose" Your friend screamed, testimony to the statement that you both quoted the movies so much that you wont notice even if you came face to face with the real avengers.

You looked inside to see a couple sitting and a man with his back turned to you. Hm.. Didn’t look like the kind of people who would call an ambulance on you guys to take you to the mental hospital.

You liked this branch because it was cosier as compared to the others, with a very few people. The shop had mahogany furniture which mingled beautifully with the smell of freshly brewed coffee and hints of vanilla. You went to place the order while your friend picked a seat.

“Is that your friend?” The barista asked you sceptically. He didn’t think you mad and you attributed that painful fact to the inability to scream quotes when you were alone.

“Loki is beyond reason but he is of Asgard and he is my brother.”

He stared at you blankly. Ahhh... not a fan. Probable candidate of calling the ambulance.

“I would like two hot chocolates, a brownie and a Norse God of Mischief please.” You placed your order.

“Hot chocolates- 2, Brownie-1 and... what was your last request?”

“Never mind.. you guys don’t have it on the menu” You wish you knew how wrong you were at the moment.

“That will be 12.50.”

You paid and waited for your order. When it arrived, you picked it daintily and turned around. You saw her sitting ahead of the man. Yet, she took matters in her own hands.

“Cap, On your left.” She turned and waved as if there were a hundred occupied tables instead of just three. She was sitting on the table ahead of the man, which were the only two tables on the left. She had purposely chosen that table. Cheeky girl!! A+ for the effort.

Placing the order down you sat opposite to her your back to the man. Immediately, she picked the cup with your name on it.

“He spelt your name wrong!!! He had one job!! Just the one!!”

Well, you had corrected the man the last time you were here. But people spelt it wrong so often that you stopped correcting them. It wasn’t exactly new for you.

“If it’s all the same to you, I will have that drink now.”

You friend turned to look at the barista and scream some Tony, or better yet, Falcon quote. Instead she turned back without screaming and said, “Oh God!! He is cute!!”

Trust your friend to fall in love with someone who is minutes away from calling the ambulance on you guys.

“There is only one God ma’am, and I am pretty sure he does not dress like that.”

“Loki.” You both said at once, laughing and high-fiving.

“I swear he exists only to raise my expectations in men. Normal men- yeah! They will never be God.” You added.

“Your world on the balance and you bargain for one man?”

“Any day... If you are talking about Loki, that is.”

There was a few minutes of silence where you both savoured your hot chocolates and the brownie. You hear footsteps and saw the couple leave.

“I wanted to tell you something..” Your friend said, interrupting the peace.

“I was having 12 percent of the moment.” You added closely after, “I am listening.”

“I understood that reference.” She said pointing out like Steve.

She continued, “Since you have given the breakfast treat, allow me to take you lunch. There is a Shawarma joint about two blocks from here. I don’t know what it is, but I want to try it.”

“Why do you wanna take me to lunch? Tell me!!” You whisper screamed.

“Its really not that complicated. I got red on my ledger, I'd like to wipe it out.”

The next dialogue was more malicious, but cursed be you if you allowed a chance to say Loki’s dialogue slip. So you steeled yourself and began, “Can you?”

“Can you wipe out that much red? Dreykov's daughter, Sao Paulo, the hospital fire? Barton told me everything.” Came a voice from behind you, nailing the dialogue, the British accent and the snark down to a T. You literally froze, a chill went down your spine as you understood the dread that must have sparked in Agent Romanoff. However, it died as soon as the dialogue ended. Not for your friend though, she sat with her jaw hanging as if she had just seen a ghost.

“Umm.. wow man!! That was flawless. You nailed it down perfectly.” Under normal circumstances, you would have quoted the movies but all flew out of your head when he spoke.

Your voice seemed to snap your friend out of the daze she was stuck in. Her eyes widened and she pointed the space behind you. She tried to speak but no words came out. Her eyes were unblinking as if she feared that a blink will turn it into a dream.

“Cap, to your left” She finally said, but you figured her words from reading her lips rather than what she said, for her voice was completely inaudible.

You turned around.

No. No way.

Sitting there was a man, with a chiselled marble face, framed by night black hair, his bluish-green eyes seemed so deep that you could not look away. It seemed like the sea had engulfed you with its beauty. But your focus was stolen by the smile. Despite the mean comment, the smile was hopeful, was genuine.

You had argued with you friend that the first thing you would do if you ever saw Loki would be to scream, jump up and down no matter the situation. But even as you tried to say his name, your voice got stuck with the various emotions having a party in your throat. This time your friend snapped you out of the temporary muteness by whisper screaming.

“This is madness!!”

“Is it?” His eyes softened as he looked at you, “Is it?”

“OhMyGodLokiThisIsUnbelievableIAmAHugeFan!!” You squealed in an incoherent language.

“Darling, I am pretty sure even allspeak cant translate that.” He said with a laugh.

“Oh my gosh!!! Can we get a hug?” Finally, all the quotes flew out of your friend’s mind.

He had such an innocent smile on his face that it seemed impossible that this guy had tried to attack New York. He stood up and green light shimmered around him, changing his coat into the costume from the avengers. He held his arms open calling you both for a hug.

You were quicker to respond. “Mmmm.. Brother, you look ravishing.” And proceeded to throw your arms around him and bear hugged with as much love as your body could muster, making sure to convey the love and make your tumblr friends proud. Behind you, your friend had completely lost her mind at the change of outfit.

“Dont faint. Don’t faint. Don’t faint....” She repeated like a mantra while pressing her fingers into her temples as if that would keep her alive.

“Does she do this often?” Loki asked you amused at the effect he had on your friend.

“Only when she meets incredibly hot Gods of Mischief in their armour.” You said with a smirk.

You nervously glanced at the counter because it was about time for the ambulance to be called. He was busy cleaning the counter, leaving you guys to your own shenanigans. Phew!! No ambulance.

Then you noticed the mischievous glint in Loki's eyes with the words, “Just a bit of illusion magic dear.”

Meanwhile, you saw that your friend was crushing Loki in a bear hug so tightly that you doubted he was able to breathe but he didn’t say anything, happy for the love and attention he was getting.

“Now, now, darling, even if I am a God, an occasional breath of oxygen would be nice.” Your friend loosened ever so slightly, taking his words ‘occasional breath of oxygen’ too literally.

“Hey!! Get off him!! Get yourself your own Loki. He is my God of Mischief!!” You pouted and started playfully hitting your friend, urging her to stop hugging him so that you could be in his embrace again. After all, how many people are luck enough to hug their fictional crush.

Loki threw his head back and laughed and opened his arm, “Well, I can definitely handle two mortals crushing me.” You threw yourself into his open waiting arm after poking your friend a bit so that you could squish your cheek against his armour.

“I must say; it was easier to breathe with Thor's hammer on my chest. You mortals are pretty strong.”

“You have an army.” Your friend’s muffled voice came and then added, “And we will most certainly kneel.” Loki laughed at that though his cheeks were sprinkled pink.

“How about my beautiful ladies stop crushing me like a bilgesnipe its prey, and then perhaps we talk and exchange, what do they call it, phone numbers?”

“Deal!!” You promptly screamed. Your friend promptly fainted.

“I am honoured?” He questioned, winking at you.

“Oh don’t worry about her”, you dismissed. “She wouldn’t want to miss your phone number.” You said while facing your friend.

“Of course I will not!!” your friend said while keeping her fainted pretence. “Haven’t you seen enough movies to know that this is the cliché where he falls in love with me?”

You all laughed.

[freebooter4ever]

i cant sleep and its too hot to fucking function in my basement so lovecraft country ramble time

ok so first off I TOTALLY CALLED BLONDE BITCH BEING THE NEXT BIG BAD fuck yeah! I knew she plotted to kill her father and this was her sole purpose for luring Tic in, not because she wanted his power or prestige but because she knew it would give her shit dad enough hope to convince him to commit suicide by attempting some crazy spell lol. But there is no way she has Tic or Leti's best interests in mind, i am one hundred percent convinced that this girl is after power in the way her father wants power - which is like an awesome way of highlighting white womens tendency to want to gain the privilege of white men rather than seeking to destroy the entire system of privilege. Thats why i think Tic and Leti are gonna have to take the white lady down. Also pretty sure the white lady and creepy stare dude are the same person and that she can switch genders which is kinda cool, but also if she is the big bad and her evilness is tied to her fathers hatred of women and then we throw in some magical sex change and bisexuality in there...yeahhhhh. oh well, im not too concerned cause the rest of the story is too ducking good.

I AM SO CONFUSED BY ALL THE HORROR STUFF like i totally get all the history references (except for emmit till that was very sad and wow what detail), but i am shooting in the dark trying to figure out how all these different pieces of lore fit together. i think that might be the one complaint i have about the show, the rules of the magic are unclear and not well explained....i am very picky about magic and rules, ive been spoiled by diana wynne jones expert handling of this. BUT its a cool magic and the history side of the story is spectacular so again not too concerned.

Papa Tic is gay isnt he :( and in love with that bar owner dude, and this must be why George is Tic's real father (still in denial that he is dead) and why that one random guy who seems to be an old classmate of Tic and Leti's keeps taunting Tic about it. Papa Tic being gay could also explain why his father beat the life out of him but not George, which was always a little wishywashy and uncertain. If this is the case, im gonna cry, cause like that suddenly humanizes this character in a way that i think could make it possible for this epic quest to mend Tic and Papa Tic's family.

Im in love with Leti, like the entire show could be her character and Id probably be happy. I wish we could see more of her motivations, and as much as I enjoyed the spontaneous kiss it felt...well...spontaneous. 

Leti's sister and white bitch boy was...disturbing? I think it was supposed to be like a steamy sex scene???? I dont honestly know? It was just weird and fell under the im not watching this category alongside like the monsters ripping peoples heads off so...okay.

I CANT BELIEVE PAPA TIC DID THE THING and then the quote in the previews about the magic turning people evil....ALL this makes sense but like...as a history buff....I CANT BELIEVE PAPA TIC DID THE THING. i was super looking forward to having an ancient human deal with the modern world captain america style too. she was already one of my favorite characters and i was invested in her story and how they were all going to heal her and learn so much and then they just....did....that. im biased though, i desperately love any south american history and i think thats where they hinted she was from?? Maybe central america? It said something about many waters which made me immediately think of Tenochtitlan. but again i dont think im enough of an expert here to catch all the references.

 ANYWAY if the way the show is headed is that this magic corrupts peoples minds this totally fits with the allegory of the systems of power (white supremacy/racism) needing to be taken down and obliterated rather than (as blonde bitch lady is doing) working to infiltrate them from the inside and take power for themselves. This is also fitting with the fact that Tic didn't do anything to 'earn' his power - it was just birthright and shows how superficial the secret society's connections are. So, hopefully because of this Tic will be able to see through the temptation (theres a lot of adam eve and temptation stuff to delve into too) and allure of absolute power and realize that by learning this stuff he is actually endangering his family even more rather than hope to wield the power and protect them. Kinda like poor Boromir and the ring of power actually.

I LOVE THIS SHOW sorry if this readmore doesnt work and i accidentally give someone spoilers

[starlight-starwings]

The Adventure Zone Season 2 quotes.

Unfortunately the quotes I saved between seasons 1 and 2 were lost because I got a new phone, so this is starting with episode 6 of Amnesty. If anyone has good quotes from the first arc, experimental arcs, ans the live shows during the experimental arcs, feel free to add or send them.

• - listen... ok, we could... agdgsbjsbuhah. how they eat and breathe... its just a show, just relax

- technically the .. waste water systems and the regular water systems of a city or not connected, and so like theres a lot of.. a lot of ways to figure it out. But yea, maybe you get the idea that this thing doesn't.. it can.. it.. is weird man...

• hey there adventure zone lovers. I dont know if that means you love adventure zone, or you... heh heh heh, ya know.

• - can you feel it?

- the idea of feeling is kinda weird-

- close your eyes and tell me if Im doing it

- well you already did- ok.

- close your eyes. Did I do it?

- you did it

- aaahh, I didnt

- ok. This is not a fun game for me

• - its our first day here!

- yeaa. Like... Let me ask you about the fucking... cast of Friends

- youre talking about Matt Leblanc and Matthew-

- Ah fuck.

- ah shit

- damn

- son of a b- he's good, he's real good

• - Don't I have to roll?

- we have not played dungeons and dragons in so fucking long!

- Here

- what are you rolling to do?!

• - tell me, is patience one of your more valued v-

- yes!

• Hey. No ideas bad. It just wasn't good.

• - I got eleven? You got any cash on you?

- uhh yea I happen to have nine bucks right here. Griffin cant prove otherwise.

• listen Pidgeon, here's the thing: I... love... to... practice fishing. But... the running water... frightens me. Its called hydrophobia. And I would love to practice my cast in a real water environment, where I can get in a large body of water, where I can guarantee that running water wont be a factor. And I would just love to practice my casting in a guaranteed still body. But here's the other thing! Sometimes if you do it in a lake, thats what youre thinking, a fish will bite it. And normally thats ideal but Im just trying to practice casting. If like.. when you dont want to catch em. Thats when they're biting. Ya know what I mean? I need a still body of water, that I can guarentee won't move, to practice my fishing casting.

• - Noooo

- are you sure?

- yeaaaaa

- Beause its our podcast!

- noooo

- we're actually doing our own podcast

• - Make uhhh.... check. You're gonna need to make a check for this one

- I got the gum. But I have the gum

- It's good gum; you'll have advantage on it.

• Cause I mean a 4 legged octopus is a horse.

• - What does control water do?

- Merle can- well gee wiz. It makes spaghetti! What do you think control water does?

- whats the fucking card say?

• Good you know my sister Jane was doing missionary work in Honduras and normally I would spend the uh, holidays with her. But uhh I had some friends come in from uhh out of town. And uhh... I wanted to communicare this to anybody who might be listening somehow, and I thought this might be a more organic way of uh, doing it.

• um... nah so ok right... so... the pizza hut sign... started to fall, cause of the weather. And he ran up there on a... fire escape, and tried to... push it? With a bat? Dammit. Nah. He just pushed it. And it fell. But then he fell. Cause he got shocked. I bet. Mmmm. I didn't see. I was in- Ah shit. Alright. Hey folk- hey guys. Rewind. I- hey guys rewind a second. Aahh fuck. I was inside I didn't see. Anything. I don't know. This man. I do know this man. His name- fuck. Alright. I'm met.. high net... here... Mmmm, alright. So, This man's is name is Ned. And he's uh.. friend of mine. And I dont know what the hell happened to him. But you know this guy. He's always getting into something. I don't know. I was in the building. I almost got killed by a pizza hut sign. I might be in shock.

• Write the fucking story with me! We are New York Times bestselling authors!

• - Ok. Go ahead. Uhh where are your wings? Obviously you can't see them right now because I'm wearing my disguise. Would you like to see my wings?

- Yes.

- I don't know you very well, so no, not- not quite yet.

• Aw Juno this is so embarrassing. Um last week, uhh, my truck got beat up, and I... I had to take it over to Whistle's. And he wa- while he was fixing it up I had to borrow yours to run out uh... to- to do a check on... a body of water. In... the... tree... zone... forest. Fuck. It was a body of water in the tree zone. And I had to check on it in your car. And when I- I drove your car, without asking, and... I think I left my... pants? No. Wallet? Money. I left my wallet in your truck and I was wondering if you could go look for it real quick.

• - a goat..

-well. No its.. i mean you look at the legs you can kinda see... yea...

- its pan!

- no were not crossing over

- there no crossover here sir. No.

• - oh thats easy. All you have to do is press that red button right there.

- and what will that do?

- itll give you the key sphere

- well hold on....

- merle casts zone of truth!

- so what happens when I press that button?

- the red button? Itll give you the key sphere

- what will the blue button do?

- it'll kill ya

- what would the other frankenstein tell us?

- well my companion over there always lies. He'll tell ya to hit the blue button.

- oh okay. Its kinda one of those- ya know what Im gonna check his flavor real quick

- ok.

- I flip the lever

- No that'll kill me!

- the other Frankenstein sits up and says oh hey! Im Frankenstein. A lot of people say Im Frankenstein's monster but-

- yea yea yea. Ok we get it. Uh is this Frankenstein in the zone as well?

- uh yea.

- These buttons over here what will the red one do?

- oh the red one? Its the key sphere one. I would've told you its the blue one.

- ok I slam-

- No listen. Listen. No listen. Listen listen listen. Hey. Stop wait! Im the liar Frankenstein.

- I hit the red button.

• - Merle casts shield of faith

- ok. On whom?

-um.. it surrounds a creature of my choice

- yeap. So..

- time to make that choice

- that is kinda the question I asked

• - are you a grief counselor?

- yea you a grief counselor?

- I do have some counseling experience, um, but right now think of me more as your friend.

- I could really use a grief counselor I think more than a friend at the moment. I got-

- ok then Im a grief counselor, yes.

• - and Im gonna roll 2 d6... god almighty... hatchy matchy...

- howd you do, Justin?

- Well I got a 4 on that one, Trav. Which is, what we call in the biz, we call that bad. That is less than ideal.

• A charisma check. Okay. Hahahaha! That's a threeee.

• I know how you young people talk: It was rad.

• hey! Hey man fucking bigfoots behind you dude, drive! Jesus Christ! Hey Ive been skitching this whole time brother, Im really sorry but you gotta fucking drive right now dude, come on! Im vulnerable as hell! Come on! Dont make me fight bigfoot, I want thinking through this shit, go! Im not gonna fucking fight bigfoot.

• No, you know what- I'm gon- ya know what? It's fine. Ya know what? Its fine. Its fine. Im gonna- it- thisll be fine. Thisll actually be fine. Uhhh Im gonna cast lightning bolt on the tank. I thought about it, thisll be fine.

• - dont worry, the rest of us will take care of this. I think the best plan is if the three of you go up the spire to face the final confrontation alone

- why is that the best plan??

- cause theres exactly enough people outside- robots outside, that we'll need all of the army...

- but then why dont we wait and help you kill all of the robots?

- we'll kill them and then we'll all go up together

- theres no time!

- what are you talking about were just fighting a bat- theres plenty of time

- we got a whole other act!

- huurrryy

- okay we'll hurry, yes fine, yes.

- good luck

- well now dont say that! You said to go on ahead!

- I'll remember you

- this passive aggressive stuff...

- youre sending mixed signals. Should we stay and-

- the doors that ive just invented shut behind you.

• Okay uh, Hollis. Let me ask you something: Okay, on the other side of this portal- im gonna lay it out for you. Alright. Are you ready? One hundred percent honesty. On the other side of this portal is another world. Just like, the same scope and size of ours, with a population of people, and... just like us. People just like us. Right? And... think about this. In... lets say West Virginia alone, not even the whole world, the whole earth, west Virginia alone, right. How many people do you think there is, a per capita ratio, thats murderers to just regular people? Right? So what if somebody said "there are murderers in west Virginia, so we're gonna march into west Virginia and kill everyone there, cause they might be murderers." Right so what if the only thing you knew about west Virginia is that some murderers came from here? And you said "so let's just go in and wipe everone out"? You would come in and wipe out the whole state, and murder innocent people, just in case they might be murderers. What does that make you, Hollis?

• - Aubrey what... what are you?

- Oh I'm bisexual.

- Do all of bisexuals have this power?

- Yes.

• - uh lets jump right in

- im in. Already. I actually got in before you did. Just to make sure the water was okay.

- oh how is it? Hows the scene doing?

- the scene is good. Im already in it, but because the narrator has not joined us we are locked in... stasis. We are characters in search of an author as it were, in the pernella play.

- so theyve been there for 2 weeks? Or whats up?

- theyve been there for 2 weeks. Locked in perfect stasis, until time itself should turn its gaze upon us and let us resume our merry roles in this play called existence.

• - did you get the part where we're gonna find the quail and just crush its heart or whatever?

- its uh- its- it- its quell

- yea thats what I said, quail

- you said quail like a big ol bird

- wait what are you saying?

- yea quail

- no quell

- quell?

- quell

- quail?

- quell

- kwäil?

- listen- listen kwaiell

- quail!

- you said quail. Its quell

- the mothman uh, grabs your wrist duck and looks at the watch on it and says 'boy howdy I sure hope that those arent several minutes that we will need to uh prevent the apocalypse. Because they are gone now.

• - Ju- Ju- wait a minute. Juno? Juno Devine?

- yes shes-

- Juno Devine is- shes in the forest service? (Switches to character voice) Ahh-ha! Well that makes a lot of sense! She- she loved the forest. That- ahh...

- that is... did you just do a player to character cross-fade?

- that was so fucking wild Ive never seen anything like that on this podcast

- that melted my brain

- it was like Clint started the sentence, and then Thacker ended the sentence

• I can roleplay a gay elf with magical powers. I dont think I could roleplay someone who likes beef jerky

• We've all been trying to help people right? And sometimes you fuck up. Sometimes people get hurt, sometimes you can't- sometimes you act and you do things, and you're wrong. And if you let the fact that you fucked up stop you from trying to help again, thats... thats the real mistake. Ive fucked up so many times. You cant be afraid to help. Because yea, you might hurt. But you also might help. You just have to keep helping. Dont be afraid. Im not.

• - query: are the extraterrestrial invaders engaging in deception? 89.84% affirm

- now listen. You all don't know Duck like I do. Believe me, he can not engage in deception to save his life.

- he's also an employee of the federal government!

- it skyrockets up to 98.64%

• It makes sense right? Great power; great responsibility. But you know what people forget? Is that the green goblin dosen't swing up to your door everyday and blow your whole life away and in one moment you have to figure out what to do, ya know? The responsibility is every day. Its every moment, and it's- every time I pick one of those saplings up and I put it in the ground, and pat the ground around it, and I pour water on it, and I think about our childrens childrens childrens children will breathe the air that this thing makes, and Minerva, thats power. Thats my responsibility. I dont have to fight no more. I did it. And now Im gonna grow.