#so discovering this during a low point in my mental health. means i am enjoying it. a normal amount

[televenus]

forgive me for getting obsessed with a decade old danganronpa fangame in 2023. as if its my fault

[lee-jinkis-ponytail]

man i need to rant a bit about kpop, tw for body dysmorphia/weight/ED discussions

my body has changed a LOT the last couple years as i deal with severe endometriosis that really limited my ability to exercise regularly. like, literally just carrying a light laundry basket up and down the stairs can sometimes bring me excruciating abdominal pain, even when i'm not on my period. forget working out. i went from doing yoga and zumba 5-6 days/week, to a few days a week, to 1 day a week, until it got so bad that i just gave up exercising entirely because it hurt too much.

i have gained almost 100lbs since my symptoms started worsening in 2021.

now that i've had surgery to remove the endo and treat the pain temporarily (until it grows back), i'm trying very gently to get back into regular 5-day-a-week exercise, which--after so long being sedentary--is so much easier said than done. i often feel discouraged and end my low-impact "beginner" workout sessions in frustrated tears because i cannot do even the most basic exercises anymore.

endo also destroyed my relationship with food. i fell into a bad habit of binge-eating on my "good" days whenever my GI symptoms eased up, which contributed to the weight gain. like, raiding the cabinets and stuffing my face with every food i could get my hands on so i could enjoy it while i was feeling somewhat ok, as opposed to my worse days, where i would barely eat more than, like, some hard boiled eggs and pretzels.

i don't mind looking at myself in a mirror, but seeing photos of myself nowadays or seeing myself in a video is... not good for my mental health.

especially as a kpop fan.

shinee are really the only boy group i listen to, and otherwise i primarily listen to girl groups.

it's gotten to a point where i had to stop watching blackpink videos because it seemed like every comeback they just got skinnier and skinnier and it really put me at risk for hating myself and developing an ED.

i like twice and sunmi because they are--or were, when i first discovered them--average, healthy weights. watching them did not make me feel bad about myself. they had a little more meat in their thighs, and it at least kept my own body dysmorphia at bay.

but idk, the pictures i've seen of them all in their most recent comebacks--between the veneers that have utterly changed the shapes of a lot of their faces (dahyun and mina are almost unrecognizable to me), and just how skeletal a lot of them look... i think i'm gonna have to stop watching them for the sake of my own mental health.

especially twice. idk, the dive photoshoot, they're just all so... bony.

and then to see netizens bodyshaming jeongyeon and even NAYEON??? recently??? during her waterbomb performance?!?! hello??? or everyone saying sunmi was too "fat" during tail era?!?! yeesh.

i'm not by any means knocking these women or body shaming them or whatever, they're all beautiful and i understand they're in an industry where beauty standards are INSANE. i am just commenting on the intensity of fatphobia in the entertainment industry in general and how it is causing issues for me personally, and i'm sure for so many other people.

and i mean i know a lot of these women have discussed how their own company-enforced diets are unhealthy and unsustainable and unrealistic, i just... idk, it's all very new to me, these feelings, and i don't like the way my thoughts are going recently. lots of "i shouldn't eat more than one meal a day," "i'm disgusting," "i need to be shaped like this celebrity woman" "i need to push myself on this exercise machine til i puke" etc etc.

i have never been susceptible to this type of thinking until recently, and it is largely in part because of how badly fatphobia is so so SO rampant throughout these fandoms.

and like, side-note, i think the return of fashion trends of the early 2000s is also making fatphobia so much more rampant. the fat-shaming then was *so* bad. and nowadays i see virtually ZERO body-positive advertisements anymore. it's all ozempic this, diet that, hoop or stepper exercise machines, this is how i lost 60+ pounds, and so on.

[summerdazegobye]

Journal Entry - October 1st, 2021

It’s now October and I can feel 2021 quickly slipping away. This time of year always brings about reflections for me. It’s interesting that in the fall, time seems to pass more quickly than it did in the spring. The summer flew by too, perhaps because I was enjoying it.

This year started out really rough and I had predicted that the rest would be much of the same. To my surprise, the first quarter of this year was the low point and my life has improved drastically since then. In January this year, I caught covid at my job, during my first week back after working from home for nearly 9 months. Needless to say, I was pissed and that incident later led me to quit my very good paying job. I recovered from covid with a new appreciation and perspective on my health. Covid changed how I smelled, tasted and desired. The processed foods I grew up eating no longer appealed to me. I couldn’t bare to eat it anymore. The only thing that my stomach could handle was more natural foods, like fresh produce. It’s sparked an awareness of my horrible relationship with food, something I’m working on everyday. 

Post-covid, I was struggling to stay afloat mentally. I was trying to balance working full time, taking graduate classes, conducting tele-therapy with children as an intern for the first time ever with no experience, and being a human with needs, desires and relationships. This was honestly the worst semester of school I’ve ever experienced. To make matters worse, in February, my sweet lil ferret Nova got hit hard with cancer and we had to put her down. It was very sudden and one of the most painful experiences I’ve been through. Nova meant the world to me. She had the brightest soul. The kind that would change the entire vibe when she scampered in the room. She was also so sneaky too. I’ve come to cherish the moments I had with Nova and I so very much appreciate the time we had together. Like all horrible things, there was some positives to take away. Nova’s death sparked a birth in me. I renewal of life. She taught me what was truly important in this world. Grieving my precious ferret baby allowed me to release all that I can’t control. Since then, my spiritual journey has taken off and I’m more aligned with my soul and purpose than ever.

As the months progressed, I finished my second semester of graduate school with much relief. It was a difficult semester and I took a very needed get away to the mountains of NC, on our annual family vacation. This yearly trip consists of the people in my life that are so close, they might as well be family. It was a great time full of love, good food and a healthy dose of mind-altering substances. This trip is particularly significant to me because of the relationships that were formed and the conversations that later led me to important personal discoveries. My mountain adventure was the start of a fun-filled summer that involved lots of self-reflection and growth, traveling and learning how to release things that no longer serve me. By June, it was very clear to me that my job was not in alignment with my higher purpose and was only a means on income. It had become a place where I had been disrespected so many times, in the most subtle ways. And I let it happen because I could always ration that the money was worth it. I thought good money was worth being told I wasn’t allowed to share my opinions because they were different or that I should wear a bra because I was a distraction to my coworkers. This experience was brutal and degrading, but I’m honestly so thankful for it. I will let this story stand as a reminder that nothing is worth trading my self-respect. To this day, I am still so proud of myself for standing up for myself and quitting that job. 

The rest of the summer was a haze of freedom, good times and genuinely living my best life. It was the first time in my life since I was 14 that I didn’t have a job or any responsibilities. I had the time, space and energy to pursue whatever I desired, and boy did I discover so much about myself. I became obsessed with spiritual/personal growth and took some deep dives in my own shadow. I focused on simply existing and let myself follow whatever came up for me. This magical period abruptly ended by the start of classes mid-August. I wasn’t ready to give up my time and energy for an institution I felt had already failed me. And it was quite a rough transition. I found myself having lots of sad days again. As a social work masters student, it was very apparent that the systems that are in place to ‘help’ people are the very thing that creates obstacles and stressors. I don’t see an effective way to fix the systems so I feel like the only solution is to dismantle them and create more effective ones. It seems silly to me, like we’re sweeping the floor wearing muddy boots. There’s no point. Yes, of course these people need help and we should do what we can to assist them. However, if we all focused on creating a better world and society, I know we’d be able to thrive. Anyways, that’s a whole other conversation for another day.

Fast forward and it’s now October 1st. I still feel trapped by school but I’ve adjusted to my new schedule and I’m able to have meaningful experiences that don’t make each day suck. I’m excited about the future and feel confident that I can create the life I want and enjoy. I know that I can shape my reality by speaking my intentions and desires to the universe. I feel intrinsically connected to the collective consciousness. I’m amazed at how things seem to just work out for me, which is a stark contrast to how I felt about most of my life until this point. I find it quite comical how powerful we are as human beings and I’m excited to continue to develop as a soul and energetic being. I’m excited about the new experiences I haven’t had yet and the downloads I’ve yet to receive. Life is scary and daunting but also so very beautiful and exciting. I’m so very grateful for this life. 

[rahabs]

So for my first health update of 2020, I’d like to say I think I’ve reached a mental milestone, and it makes me very happy to be able to say that.

I gained 2-3kg in London but honestly I’m like...  I’m upset about it, I suppose, but I’m not freaking out about it like I used to, I suppose?  I think I’m starting to relax a little.  I’ve been looking into some PT programs, because my body is so... it’s so out of whack, and I have so many things going on that I am genuinely struggling to do it on my own.  I don’t need someone hovering over my shoulder long-term, but I think I need a bit of help figuring out what’s going on and setting me on a path with suggestions for maintenance/etc.  I’ve lost the weight, but now it’s about maintaining a healthy weight and, well, being healthy.  That’s all I want at the end of the day.  It’s never been about losing weight, or having a specific body.  That’s why I never had a weight goal or a “body dream”--from day one it’s only ever been about being healthy, mentally and physically, regardless of what my body looks like when it’s at that state, and during that process I’ve discovered a lot, one of which is that, fuck, I’m tiny, which is why my body was struggling so hard when I was bigger, because it literally could not cope with my weight.  I suppose this makes sense because I mean I’m not short, I’m 167cm, but my ethnicity runs small, and we are also more prone to diseases like diabetes, so fuck I’m so, so lucky that I managed to get control of things before it got to that point, because that is where I was headed.

But I mean, the point is to say that I think I’ve managed to crawl over another hurdle in this process: namely, my fear of gaining the weight back.  I think everyone who’s lost weight, esp if you were formerly obese like me (I was 95kg/210lbs; my BMI was 34, which means I was clinically obese--for reference I am 57-59kg now, or 125-130lbs, with muscle mass) goes through this process, the gut-wrenching fear of gaining back even a single pound or kilogram because you think that means you’re back-sliding, that you’ll wake up the next morning and suddenly you’ll have put back all the weight that you lost; that you’ll slip back into your habits and gain all the weight back.  It isn’t helped by all those assholes out there who outright discourage you by saying that it’s an inevitability.

It’s not.  It might happen, I won’t lie, but if you’re aware?  If you’re accountable?  It won’t.  Yeah, I gained back some weight.  Yes, I was eating a lot of very rich food with my family during this trip.  I indulged, and even though I was still using the gym, I wasn’t doing as much as usual.

And that’s okay.  It was a vacation.  It’s okay, because I’m not letting that be a permanent thing.  I know that I will get back on track once the vacation is over, and I will.  Even as I type I’m getting ready for the gym, and even on my first day back from London I’ve already gone back to my regular eating.  It’s okay to relax for a few days and just enjoy life.  Since losing weight I’ve been on a couple vacations where I’ve spent the entire time worrying about my food, my weight, and it’s ruined the whole experience.  This time, I told myself that it’s okay.  To relax, to enjoy.  That doesn’t mean I get to binge, and yes there were some nights where I chose a healthier menu option over something I otherwise might have chosen that was less healthy, but other nights I did just go for what I wanted, and when I could, I did go to the gym--but it was because I wanted to, not because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn’t.  And you know what?  This was one of the best damn vacations I’ve ever taken because of it.

So yes, I gained some weight, and in the back of my mind I don’t like it, and I’m a bit nervous, but I’m not scared.  I know I’ll get back on track, and I’m comfortable.  I’m happy.  I’m proud of myself, too.  So going forward, yes, I think I will reach out to someone for a low-key program just to help me with some things like protein intake, maintenance, etc, because I think I need a bit of help because truthfully I am not an expert in this, but I’m in a much better place and I don’t know, I just wanted to share?  Because it does get better.  And I also wanted to say that if anyone else is struggling with this to please please please reach out to me, because even though I battled through it alone I wish sometimes I hadn’t and if I can help anyone in any way I can and will.

So happy new year, everyone!  May the new year and the new decade treat you all wonderfully.

[ninasfireescape]

Jessica Jones season 3 review

Back when Jessica Jones started, more than three years ago, it was all I heard about on social media. It was up there in my top tv shows. There was something about it which set it far above other superhero content. We were not just presented with a big bad who was a crime lord but given what was a very real metaphor for the abuse faced by women. The show was an examination of rape culture and mental illness, all while keeping up the action typical of the genre, and kept me gripped from episode to episode. I watched at least one season of every other Marvel Netflix series and none of them quite compared. Though they could be enjoyable at times, their storylines were all over the place, they were too long so that you could easily zone out, and their villains felt laughable.

I really hated season 2 of Jessica Jones. I remember very little of it but the villain was introduced so late and the stakes did not feel high enough. So I had no idea what I should think of Jessica Jones season 3 and as a result, I kept my standards fairly low. Where did it lie in comparison to its predecessors? Somewhere between the two. On the level of most of the other series. Enjoyable enough but not something that you feel such a compulsion to continue watching. Something that you will have forgotten within a week of watching. However, I did have a lot of thoughts about it.

Firstly there is the feminist message of it. This came very naturally to the first season given the subject matter. The first season exposed something that was real for many women and that genuinely felt like a horror story. Trying to continue in the same vein was what really ruined the initial villain of this season for me. The bad guy, Sallinger, quickly became a straw misogynist, defending himself by ranting about how the only reason Jess was after him was because he was a white man and she’s must hate him. Sure, some men actually think like this but it took away much of his depth and felt like it was trying to bash in a feminist subtext that would have been there without him.

Now onto the conflict between Jess and Trish. I found Trish to actually be the most sympathetic character of the season which was ironic since I strongly disliked her last season. Meanwhile, I started to become irritated with Jess. She became patronizing and unnecessarily rude to everyone (her attitude towards her secretary was particularly mean) and it seemed like the writers were trying very hard to make her ‘’’edgy’’’. Jess clearly suffers from PTSD and is an alcoholic and I would have liked to see her receive help with this but it isn’t even suggested. This might have been a plotline in later seasons if it hadn’t been cancelled but I really wish it had been addressed more earlier on. Season 1 definitely focused on Jess’s mental health much more.

We saw the message that we have seen again and again in the superhero genre: if you kill bad people that makes you just as bad as them. At this point, we’re all tired of it. So when Trish killed some abusive men including the man who murdered her mother, I fully understood her actions. Yet she was treated as the real villain of the season. It felt hypocritical of marvel. Have we forgotten that Jess murdered Kilgrave in season 1? Have we forgotten the Punisher’s entire characterization involves him killing bad guys and he just gets called an antihero and gets his own tv show?

Jeri is a very difficult character to form an opinion on. I found her a very interesting character in season one. Though she was morally grey, for the most part, she was on the good side and we saw her with a woman she loved a lot. We have to remember she was the very first MCU LGBT character and is the most prominent out of those in their Netflix shows so it is rather suspicious that their she happens to be a very corrupt, self-serving figure. I became very angry with what they did with her in season 2 as she started to fall into the disgusting trope of the predatory lesbian. In season 1, she was very in love with her assistant who was likewise in love with her but in season 2, we hear she is being accused of sexual harassment by her, leading to Jeri saying something along the lines of “what did she expect, wearing a skirt that short, she was asking for it.” So we’re having the only major lesbian character use widely recognized rape culture phrases? Cool. And naturally, her storyline in season 2 became about her dying. Because what else can you do with a lesbian character? In season 3, I began to enjoy her storyline again but she still remained an incredibly horrible person. She manipulated her ex-girlfriend whom she hadn’t seen in 25 years and whom she had cheated on into breaking up with her husband and ultimately ruined her life. It was meant to be justified by the fact that Kith’s husband turned out to actually be bad but Jeri didn’t know that in the first place. Kith deserved far better than Jeri.

Jessica Jones has always had a problem in its treatment of characters of colour, particularly women of colour. I’ll admit I didn’t notice it so much during the first season because I was a lot younger and not as aware of the tropes as I am now. This season did not break that pattern. The women of colour are never major antagonists but they tend to be minor characters who cause inconveniences to our white protagonist and whom we are meant to disagree with. In season 2, we had the bossy Latina ex-wife of Jess’s love interest. In this season, we had the two policewomen trying to arrest Jess for a crime they believe she committed, a Latina woman who called the police on Jess, a black TV presenter who disagreed with Jess and Malcolm’s girlfriend, Zaya, who despite being listed as a series regular had a very minor role. Of course, there were also the characters of Kith and of Gillian whom I have just discovered is played by a transgender actress which is a very big deal for Marvel. However, they still lacked a voice in the narrative.

I was upset with how mistreated Zaya was by the narrative. She was working for Jeri and Malcolm was keeping secrets from her so of course she did not know for certain who was innocent and who was guilty and she was just doing her job, yet we were meant to see her as being in the wrong. Malcolm was the sweetest character in season 1 and possibly my favourite and he continued that way in season 2. My opinion of him during season 2 did start to go down when he went to a gay club for the purpose of blackmailing a closeted man and then got angry when said man hit on him. In season 3, he was lying to his girlfriend and cheating on her with a white woman which exemplifies the mistreatment of women of colour as love interests, especially love interests to men of the same race as them.

TLDR: Things I liked: Most of Trish’s storyline, Kith (although she should have had more of a role), cameo from Luke Cage!

Things I disliked: Dismissal of Jess’s mental illness, Jeri, Malcolm, Erik was a boring character

[francesfromdc]

My Transgendered Lifestyle -- Read My Blog!

Resolve right now to explore roads you haven't previously traveled. 😊 You might be pleasantly surprised and you might discover some new facets about yourself that you didn't know existed! And most of all, have fun and enjoy  starting with.... Reading my Tumblr Blog!

If you like compassion, tenderness, sensitivity--traditionally female virtues, then maybe the right guy for you is one whose feminine, creative, and artistic side is not locked up and concealed under a macho cover. Unconventional? Yes. Atypical? Extraordinary? Absolutely. But the type of girl or guy I'm looking for is, among many other things, unconventional, atypical, and extraordinary. I hope you’ll take the time to read my entire profile, which I admit is much longer than most. The seemingly endless commentary 😊 will give you more insight regarding my not so normal but very interesting, fun and low stress life. Many people who did not wish to express an interest in me have written me simply to say that they enjoyed reading my profile.

I'm a lover of fashion and arts, with a lifelong passion for cherishing, honoring, and embracing all aspects of feminine beauty. My favorite creative outlet is cross dressing and gender bending. I look at this as an art form and take it very seriously. I try to create a very authentic, classy and often glam look once or twice a month that's not over the top like the drag queens (not that there's anything wrong with being an over the top drag queen! 😊 I've impersonated Marilyn Monroe for several Halloweens and a few parties here and there, and I must say that it's about the most fun I've ever had. Other celebrity impersonations I've done were Audrey Hepburn, Madonna, Paris Hilton, Bettie Page, Natalie Portman as the Black Swan, Daryl Hannah as the evil nurse from Kill Bill, and Elsa the Ice Queen from "Frozen".

I'm searching for fun people who are creative, bold, confident and very special  who would appreciate and embrace the exciting and creative world of fashion, beauty, fitness, performing arts, role play, cosplay, pinup fashion, gender bending, and even (mild -- nothing hard core--I' m a sub)- S&M / B&D.

LGBTQBDSM -- If I'm looking for people who will accept me as I am, I certainly would would accept her lifestyle choices. Not many women would embrace this lifestyle--I realize this-- but I'm confident that there are some and within that group, I'm confident that there is one woman who's life I will enrich, and vice versa. I know she exists.   My ultimate goal is establishing a long-term, romance-filled, caring and life sharing relationship, keeping in mind that marriage and serious relationships involve work, and I'm ready and willing to expend the effort and receive the rich personal rewards and fulfillment that love and caring brings.

Although my unorthodox lifestyle is not always easy, it's never boring and I feel very fortunate to have the desire and physical attributes to honor and cherish women and femininity in a realistic, creative, tasteful, respectful, loving and non-intrusive manner. It's a part of me that has always existed. Prior attempts to change and conform to a more traditional lifestyle have not worked for me, and as such, I have fully accepted and truly enjoy my femme side which I now know will always be a part of me. I get a lot of questions like "Are you in femme mode 24/7?" So I'll answer that question early in the profile and say, no my "everyday look" is male. (But I often playfully note the difference between me in male mode and me in femme mode as "drab vs. fab" 😊.

As a male, I'm often mistaken for a much younger person, (and occasionally mistaken for a girl--woo hoo!!) which in my opinion, is due to my dedication to health and exercise, my slender body and lack of facial hair, creative and fun choices in fashion, and a youthful fun, and positive outlook on life. No boring baggy jeans "dockers" or Donald Trump Navy Blue Suit/ (ridiculously long) Red Tie for me, thank you!

I have lots of goals which can be pursued in male or femme modes, including... ...finding a (romantic or platonic) partner for Rollerblading and ice skating at the outdoor rinks--(a great exercise and AN ABSOLUTE MUST for the body, mood, and mental clarity!) my favorite ice rink is the Sculpture Garden at 7th & Constitution Ave. I've been skating the outdoor rinks heavily since 2016.

During the warmer months (April - November) I bump up the rollerblading and cut back on the ice skating, going to the indoor rink at Mount Vernon Recreation center or the Medstar (formerly known as Kettler) Iceplex in Ballston once or twice during the summer if that. I always look forward to the beautiful spring and summer days on my rollerblades with a return to the outdoor ice rinks in November. The beginning of spring -- with the cherry blossoms -- the mild air and the longer days, is my favorite time of year. I look at it as a reward for enduring the winter months!

I also would like to explore and cultivate more activities such as:

★First and foremost★ ---Vacations--(Key West, Italy, and Hawaii are just a few of the places on my list). I have not traveled for pleasure much, but doing more of this is one of my top goals. Over the years, I've traveled for business, but I usually found those trips to be boring. I'd welcome the opportunity to meet someone who is interested in vacationing more and would like a fun vacation partner, even if it's just on a platonic level. In July, 2016 I met up with a group of rollerbladers in Copenhagen for three days of Denmark city and rural skating -- my first visit to Denmark! I re-joined that group for four days in Seville (Spain) in the first week of October, 2017. What a lovely city and a very rewarding (although exhausting!) experience! And for 2018 --in early September I joined them for the third time in three years: ✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*° PARIS!´✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*° c'était merveilleux!!! August 4, 2019 update: In mid July, I spent a lovely week in Berlin with this wonderful group -- many friends and familiar faces, as well as some new friends! I'm looking forward to my next European trip -- probably during the summer or fall of 2020.

★ Ballroom dancing--I'm a complete novice, but I think it would be fun to try, and perhaps occasionally (with the right partner) experimenting with reversing the roles, with the girl -- the genetic girl that is --wearing a men's suit and leading! I also have three relatively new and strong dance passions: (1) "The Carolina Shag"  (2) Tap Dancing, and (3) Popping. When done with precision, The Shag is a joy to watch and I'm sure it's even more fun to perform. Watch these two Shaggers and you'll probably catch the Shag Fever too!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l5pczCZw04

If you're a good dance instructor, I'd certainly be willing to pay you for lessons -- even if you're not interested in forming any type of personal relationship.

★ Movies and theater (here in the DC area, but also day and/or overnight trips to New York). I think this is an aesthetically stimulating activity, yet most of us seem to only do this sort of thing every now and then.

★ Al fresco dining -- beautiful weather and people watching in all parts of DC, Bethesda, Fells Point, Inner Harbor and many others. Warm summer nights enjoying dinner, the energy and enthusiasm at the Georgetown waterfront (Washington Harbor is as good as it gets! And after dinner, a leisurely stroll along the waterfront or through some of the more vibrant sections of town to me, is very romantic. And the brand new "Wharf" on the SW DC waterfront has a lot of promise! I often like to do something very different and get really dressed up (sometimes femme, sometimes homme) and enjoy a nice restaurant during the week when everyone else seems to be in "business attire" or casual mode.

★ Home improvement projects. I'm AWFUL at doing these things myself, but I'm confident that these skills can be learned and I think I'd get a lot more satisfaction from doing some projects myself, such as painting, trim/molding replacement and addition, tile installation. I think it would be interesting to find a woman who has these skills, and also a bit ironic me to learn from her while I give her advice about makeup and clothes/accessories!

A topic related to home improvement is automobile repair and maintenance. I own a wonderful older BMW, but things break and wear out. If you're good at automobile repair/maintenance, I'm always looking for someone who enjoys working on older cars. Many of the shops in my area take the easy way out and say, "we'd rather not work on a car this old -- too much trouble and limited parts availability".

★ I'd like to do something to help disadvantaged children or others who aren't as fortunate as myself. I'm open to any suggestions you may have, and if this is something you're involved in, I'd certainly be interested in joining you in doing some good things for others.

★ Horseback riding. I've been on and around horses about a dozen times over the years, which has given me only basic knowledge and skills. I'd like to get serious about it, making riding a regular part of my life. I know that owning a horse is A LOT of work, so if you own a horse, I would gladly help out with the chores.

★ I love water skiing, jet skiing, and surfing. My first time on water skis was when I was 14 years old, and after about one hour of using two skis, I was able to get up on one ski. I haven't been water skiing in many years, but one thing is certain -- I do not want to own a boat! It's just too much work and too many headaches. Many people know the expression, ..."the two happiest days of my life: The day I bought my boat, and the day I SOLD my boat!"... So not having access to a boat means I won't be doing much water skiing! And not living near a beach means that I won't be doing much surfing! So you might be wondering why I even mentioned these activities. I guess it's just something that provides a lot of enjoyment just thinking about it. And I love to watch the surfing documentaries and imagine myself on those 50+ foot waves on Hawaii's North Shore. I guess we all have things that we fantasize about!

I'll be happy to answer ANY questions you may have. I'm single, never married (but there's still hope for me!), no kids, creative, imaginative, and lots of fun. I own a wonderful townhouse in a vibrant location (almost free and clear!), I'm financially secure, and I try to lead a healthy, active, and relatively stress-free life. And if you've read this far and decided that this is just too much for you, well I certainly understand, but I hope what you just read provided a fun and interesting diversion to your day and perhaps gave you a reason to smile or the notion to pass this along to one of your friends who may be more inclined to embrace a multi-faceted, non-traditional relationship.

You are MORE THAN WELCOME to express an interest in becoming a platonic friend or an activity partner! And to suz, sko, sso, and t ...Thanks for dropping in! 😊 All the best to you in your search for your ideal match!

Oh good! You're still reading.😊 My career for the last 20 years has involved doing what I absolutely love. My work doesn't really seem like work to me and that's how I know that it's the right thing for me! I often think to myself, ..."wow, I can't believe I'm getting PAID for doing this!"

I’m especially good at:

★ Making people feel good about themselves. Recently the American Film Institute honored Jane Fonda. When she spoke, one of her comments was particularly thought provoking: "It's better to be interested than interesting". I have long realized that asking questions about others rather than bragging about oneself works best and feels right for me.

★ Reflexology, which I will gladly provide on a regular basis for someone near and dear to me. If you wear heels a lot, you will love the soothing and stress reducing aspects of this wonderful type of massage.

★ Rollerblading and Ice Skating -- I love and thrive on the exercise that these invigorating activities provide. I am thankful that I have an outlet for exercise that doesn't really seem like exercise. Plus no health club dues, golf green fees, or other significant costs associated with many exercise and recreational routines! I think I'd get bored with running or riding the stationary bike, or walking the treadmill. And if I'm bored with it, I would most likely limit the activity or even give it up.

★ Thinking, feeling, and dressing in a youthful, energetic, creative, and fun way. I am enamored with Betsey Johnson -- the 73 year old fashion designer who to me, is the epitome of a youthful, creative, energetic and fun mindset! She is known to do a cartwheel on stage at the end of her fashion shows! Another older person who had tons of energy and refused to fade away was Elaine Stritch, the Broadway actress and singer. There's a wonderful documentary about her called "Elaine Stritch: Shoot Me". At the other end of the spectrum, my next door neighbor for example -- who is just a few years older than me -- usually wears faded and worn shorts, a dingy white t-shirt, black socks and wing tip shoes, and seems to have a constant scowl on his face. Really? Black socks and wing tip shoes with shorts?? If he's going for the "frumpy old man look", he's got it down pat!

★ The Sunday Washington Post crossword puzzle-- I consistently get 95-100% of the answers. I'm always amazed at how I might feel I am totally stumped, but come back the next day to easily get more answers right. I've heard that regular crossword puzzle activity is good for Alzheimer's prevention.

★ I  make awesome Espresso! I've tried them all, but the one I keep going back to is "Cafe Bustello". Oh yes, and did I mention I'm good with makeup and femme fashions?

★ The first thing people notice about me is healthy smooth, radiant and glowing skin which has almost no facial hair.

Movies give me a lot of enjoyment. I have a wide range of interests including TCM, and in particular movies by Alfred Hitchcock, David Lynch, Quentin Tarrantino, Woody Allen, Mel Brooks, and Stanley Kubrick to name a few. I have recently become familiar with the work of a French director Catherine Breillat. Her films have over the years sparked a lot of controversy, mainly due to her blunt and objective handling of sexual themes.

Are there any movies that make you cry every time you see them? The first time I saw "The Kite Runner" I cried. The second time I saw it, I wanted to see if it had the same effect, and yes it did. And even the third time I saw it, I cried. This kind of emotional release is very therapeutic! There have been other movies over the years that have made me cry, but a box of Kleenex is always needed for a viewing of "The Kite Runner". I'd be interested in hearing about any movies that have a similar effect on you.

I can rely on "Cinema Paradiso", the 1990 Oscar winning Italian film, to produce a strong emotional response.

The Oscar nominated 1985 Swedish film, "My Life As a Dog" is also very touching and poignant.

Another example, and another Oscar winner, is "Dances With Wolves". One of the final scenes, in which "Wind In His Hair" shouts down at "Dances With Wolves" from a ridge high above: ...."I am Wind in His Hair! Do you see that I am your friend? Can you see that I will always be your friend?"

"Manchester By the Sea" starring Casey Affleck (2017 Oscar Winner for Best Actor). If that movie doesn't move you, I really can't imagine what would!

The ending of "To Sir With Love" -- Sydney Poitier as Mr. Thakeray (aka Sir) accepting his gift from his students: ..."well ... I think I better go and put it away"... Gets to me every time!

And speaking of Sydney Poitier, I recently saw "A Raisin in the Sun" (1961) in its entirety. I've seen bits and pieces, but oddly-- had not seen the whole movie. I'm amazed that Sydney wasn't nominated for an Oscar in this role. And I now am very eager to see the play!

In 2018, I saw two Japanese movies on a flight that brought me to tears. Perhaps it was the travel exhaustion that brought it on, but there I was, sitting quietly with a river of tears flowing on my face. The first one was called, "The Lies She Loved", and the second one which REALLY got to me, was called "Color Me True".

Over thirty years ago, I saw a movie directed by Steven Spielberg called "Empire of the Sun" which starred a 13 year old unknown actor named Christian Bale.  Of course, most of us movie lovers know that CB is now a mega star. I was fortunate enough to see it again recently, now with high definition and surround sound!  The story is set in the early 1940's.  A privileged English boy (Bale) is living in Shanghai when the Japanese invade and force all foreigners into prison camps.  I was surprised to see that the reviews -- even the great Roger Ebert, gave this film a lukewarm review.  But I loved it, and cried a river of tears!

I occasionally enjoy movies that are very poorly written, directed and acted. You know, movies that are so bad they are good! Many of us know about Ed Wood -- probably the most famous of the bad movie directors-- "the worst of the worst!" I recently discovered a director named Bert I. Gordon who specialized in really bad sci-fi movies. What makes these movies even funnier is the fact that they were intended to be serious drama. The special effects were hilarious and very low budget, the acting was stiff, and the plots lacked any kind of structure and logic. Gordon's "Attack of the Puppet People" (1958) is delightfully bad! In this movie, a mad scientist/doll maker shrinks people so they can be his puppets!¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫And... "Queen of Outer Space" (1958) starring Zsa Zsa Gabor. No additional explanation is necessary for this one! And extremely bad movies aren't limited to the 50's.

After recently seeing "The Disaster Artist" (2017), it appears that Ed Wood has some serious competition for worst director and worst movie of all time. His name is Tommy Wiseau and his movie from 2003 titled, "The Room" is a perfect example of film making at its worst. You can learn all about this delightfully bad monstrosity by watching The Disaster Artist which is by the way, an excellent movie about the making of an awful movie. Don't miss it!

I prefer film noir and drama over comedy, sci-fi, and rom-com, but I really can't think of a genre that hasn't provided me with some enjoyment. I think I've seen every "Twilight Zone" episode --the original ones with Rod Serling--multiple times. I always enjoy the SciFi Channel's New Year's Day Twilight Zone Marathon! If you have a favorite TZ episode, I'd be interested in hearing about it. Three of my favorites are "What You Need", "Eye of the Beholder", "To Serve Man" (IT'S A COOKBOOK!!! 😊), and "Twenty-Two" ("Room for one more, Honey!)

Musicals: Chicago, Rocky Horror, Hair Spray, The Producers, West Side Story, and Frozen. "The Fabulous Baker Boys", while not really a musical, features one of my favorite and most sensual performances ever: Michelle Pfeiffer singing "Making Whoopee" while lounging on top of Jeff Bridges' piano in a slinky red dress. I know that Jeff Bridges wasn't really playing the piano, but they did such a good job making it look as though he was actually playing. And note how Michelle steps down off the piano to sit next to Jeff -- stepping on a very thin ledge while wearing very high heels. How did she do that?

Everyone knows and loves the dancing of Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, including myself. But the often overlooked solo performances from Ginger are amazing. One in particular was from a 1942 movie called "Roxie Hart" which, by the way was the inspiration for the musical, "Chicago". In "Roxie Hart", Ginger does sort of a tap dance going up these metal stairs and she just makes it look so effortless. I also love the quote (it's origin is not exactly clear), ..."Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and wearing high heels!"

Other vintage female dancers who mesmerize me are Vera Ellen, Cyd Charisse, Debbie Reynolds, Rita Moreno, Leslie Caron, Ann Miller, and Mitzi Gaynor. And probably the most entertaining dance sequence I've ever seen on film (oddly enough performed by a man--go figure!) is Donald O'Connor doing "Make Them Laugh" in the movie, "Singing In the Rain" ====>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lO-FXFfhsEc

The 2011 Oscar winning film, "The Artist" has an amazing dance sequence at the end featuring the ultra charming Berenice Bejo as "Peppy Miller"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2nNmU5v8zM

Occasionally I'll see a movie for the first time even though it was made decades ago One such example -- an amazing movie-- is "Reflections in a Golden Eye" (1967). I can't believe I missed seeing it all these years. Well, without giving too much of the plot away, it's set in the late 1940's and centers around an army Major's (Marlon Brando) latent homosexuality. And because it was the 1940's the major's sexuality is revealed only with subtle clues. His wife is played by one of the greatest actresses that ever lived -- Elizabeth Taylor. In one scene, an army Colonel (Brian Keith) comments that the army could have "made a man" out of his effeminate domestic worker and that he would have been a "better person" if he acted "normally". The major (Brando) then comments (in his typical Brando vocal style), and I'm paraphrasing some of it:

"So what you're saying is, that any FULFILLMENT obtained at the EXPENSE OF NORMALCY is wrong, and should NOT be allowed to bring happiness. In short, it is better, because it is MORALLY HONORABLE, for the SQUARE PEG to keep scraping about the round hole rather than to DISCOVER AND USE the unorthodox square that would fit it’ The Colonel replies, Why, you put it exactly right. ‘Don’t you agree with me?’ Brando's character: "No" (I think this is a significant and poignant anti-hate /pro tolerance message, especially for a film made in 1967)

✫I recently saw for the first time, a movie made in 1965 which was an adaption of a play from 1962 called "A Thousand Clowns" starring Jason Robards. His character (Murray) is an eccentric comedy writer who is pressured to conform to society in order to retain custody of his 12 year old nephew.

An example of his eccentricity -- here Murray is leaning out of his window, very early before most people are awake. He yells: “This is your neighbor speaking! I'm sure I speak for all of us when I say that something must be done about your garbage cans in the alley here. [raises voice even louder] It is definitely second-rate garbage. Now, by next week I want to see a better class of garbage: more empty champagne bottles and caviar cans! I'm sure you're all behind me on this. So let's snap it up and get on the ball!”

Another great quote from 1,000 Clowns:

“Five months ago I was on the subway on my way to work, was sitting on the express same as every morning looking out the window watching the local stops go by in the dark with an empty head and my arms folded, not feeling great, not feeling rotten, just not feeling. And for a minute I couldn't remember, I didn't know, unless I really concentrated, whether it was a Tuesday or a Thursday or a... for a minute it could have been any day. I gotta know what day it is. I gotta know what's the name of the game and what the rules are without anyone else telling me. You gotta own your own days and name 'em, each one of 'em, every one of 'em, or else the years go right by and none of them belong to you. And that ain't just for weekends, kiddo.”

I am a big fan of anything written by Tennessee Williams... including a recent discovery -- a 1962 film based on Tennessee Williams' play "Period of Adjustment". This gem of a movie starred a very young, sweet, and feminine Jane Fonda! Delightful! I loved the movie before I even knew it was written by T. Williams! My favorite TW plays: Hey, why list them? I love them all!

And I'm starting to have a huge appreciation for the works of Ingmar Bergman. I was recently fascinated by his 1960 film, "The Virgin Spring".

Sergio Leone's "Man With No Name Trilogy" starring Clint Eastwood:

........."A Fistful of Dollars" (1964) ........."For a Few Dollars More" (1965) ........."The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" (1966)

All three released in the U.S. in 1967

The critically acclaimed "The Danish Girl" (2015) had a very strong impact on me.

August 4, 2019 Update: I can't believe I omitted one of the best movies I've ever seen: From 1957, "Twelve Angry Men". 95% of this movie is set in a small, hot jury room with no air conditioning. They are all trying to reach a verdict in a murder trial. A brilliant film with lots of big names in the cast, this movie received a very rare 100% rating on the Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer. It has also been performed on stage, although I haven't seen the play. Hopefully, I'll get to see it one day soon.

Oddly, I had never seen "Gone With the Wind" in it's entirety until July 2019. Many consider this one of the best movies of all time. My opinion: Yes, I liked it but it doesn't make my top ten list.

Nancy Kwan--the beautiful Eurasian actress who made a big splash in the early 1960's with "The World of Suzy Wong" and "Flower Drum Song"-- mesmerized me when I was about 12 years old, and continues to mesmerize me to this day. Oh, the way she wore those beautiful silk Chinese Dresses -- I now know that those dresses are called "cheongsams". So if you are Asian, Asian American, or of any other heritage and you like to wear the cheongsam, please "go to the front of the line"--you will mesmerize me just as Nancy has done for all these years and have me eating out of the palm of your hand 😊. Nancy was exquisite in her performance of "I Enjoy Being a Girl" and I'm sure you will enjoy this wonderful number:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JigBfoDtzY

I have been a regular SNL (Saturday Night Live) viewer since day one (1975). In 1982 I bought my fist VCR (remember VCR's? :-) solely for the purpose of recording SNL. It's hard to believe that a "great deal" on a VCR in those days was $549 -- which is what I paid for a VCR that could only be programmed to record one show. And it had a WIRED remote. Today, if you can even FIND a VCR for sale new, it would cost you around $19.95

Music: I have a large and eclectic collection on my smart-phone. I'd be happy to send you a list of those songs to give you an idea of the music I like to listen to. One thought that seems to come up regularly is how certain bands kind of "Jump the Shark". Bands that were in my opinion, once really good but in an effort to become more mainstream, they lose what once made them stand out.

When I listen to some of the early songs of the band "Chicago" or as they were originally referred to, "The Chicago Transit Authority" circa 1968-71) I can't believe how much better they were when compared to the mid 1970's and beyond Chicago. The later version just got kind of sappy and boring whereas the earlier stuff just had more grit and edge. For example, compare "25 or 6 to Four" and "I'm a Man" (the long versions) to "Saturday In the Park" or "If you Leave Me Now".

Similarly, the Doobie Brothers lost their edge when Michael McDonald came in and, in my opinion ruined them!

Rod Stewart underwent a ridiculous (and sad) transformation when he started singing songs from the 1930's and 1940's. Really? Rod Stewart, the rocker? Singing "It Had to Be You" ??! I don't think Mick Jagger would ever sink this low! Just my humble opinion though. Feel free to disagree!

I'm not a huge fan of "The Grateful Dead" -- I like them I suppose in small doses. But one thing about "The Dead" as their big fans call them, is that they never "sold out" by trying to appeal to the masses and altering their style. I really respect that about this group.

Occasionally I make huge errors in assessing new talent. I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this, but regarding the singers Sheryl Crow and Taylor Swift, I remember when they first started, my thoughts were that they were just a "flash in the pan" and couldn't possibly have any long term success and significance in the music world.

Wow, did I blow the call on those two. They are now very high on my list of singers/songwriters and I couldn't have been more wrong about them.

Conversely, for some newcomers I predict huge things and they end up just being mediocre or their shelf life expires very rapidly. When "Jewel" first arrived on the scene, I fell in love with her work, and yes she did have some early success, but she never became a mega-star.

Fiona Apple was (and continues to be) an extremely talented singer/songwriter and I was infatuated with her from the start, but (maybe by her own choice?), she has stayed out of the limelight and never hit the heights that I predicted for her.

Sports: My interest in sports over the years has fluctuated. There was a time when I wasn't even aware of who was playing in the Super Bowl or World Series. During the past ten years though, I've returned to watching sports and I attribute this entirely to the DVR. Watching sports that are not recorded or delayed is so tedious with all the commercials. and down time. When I record them I watch only what I want to watch, zipping through the commercials and other non essential airtime.

Which sports? Football (college is better than pro!), Baseball (usually just the post season playoffs though), Basketball (March Madness NCAA Tournament only -- I'm slowly warming up to NBA Basketball), Ice Hockey (my interest grows as the Stanley Cup Playoffs start-- and YES!! THE CAPS WON THE 2018 STANLEY CUP FOR THE FIST TIME IN THEIR 44 YEAR EXISTENCE!!), and Horse Racing -- only during May and June when the Triple Crown Races are held. I love women's figure skating--these girls are awesome!

And I WISH we had professional women's fast pitch softball. A few years ago, they tried to form a professional women's' softball league, but it folded, due to lack of support by the public. It's a shame, because these girls are so talented, and in many ways their game takes more skill than professional baseball. And to add insult to injury, women's' softball was discontinued from the Summer Olympics, presumably due to the U.S. Team's domination of the sport. BUT... I understand they're bringing Softball BACK TO THE OLYMPICS!! And I'm sure the U.S. will put a spectacular team together for Tokyo 2020!! Can't wait!

The National Spelling Bee! On ESPN! Yes, spelling is now a televised sport!

And finally, the annual Nathan's annual Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest (although many would not consider competitive eating a sport! 😊) On the 4th of July 2018 once again, Joey Chestnut ruled! He ate 74 HDB (that's hot dog and bun for all you competitive eating neophytes) in ten minutes to beat his previous record of 72 and win the 2018 contest easily---leaving his 17 competitors in a cloud of dust!

I often think about...

Personal Goals such as:

★Traveling and vacationing more, either with that special someone or with one or more platonic friends. I've taken several vacations by myself and and have come to realize that vacationing alone is not for me.

★Relocating to a warmer climate after nearly 30 years in DC. The winter of 2014-15) was particularly harsh and made me give the idea of relocating a lot more thought. The winter of 2015-16 has been unusually warm, but as I write this update (January 23,. 2016) there is about 15 inches of snow on the ground with a good chance of about 10 more inches by the day's end. And as I write THIS update (July 14, 2016), we're expecting temperatures in the mid 90's with a heat index of 104. Where would I want to move? Maybe MIAMI, Florida (SoFi --South of 5th South Beach), KEY WEST, NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana, HILTON HEAD South Carolina, SAN ANTONIO; AUSTIN, Texas, PHOENIX, Arizona, SAN DIEGO; LOS ANGELES /SANTA MONICA, California, or HONOLULU, Hawaii to name a few. I'd like to make some good friends from these cities and through them, get to know what it would be like to live there. I would welcome the opportunity to meet someone who may not be interested in me romantically, but has a similar desire to relocate to a warmer climate. Kind of a platonic partnership with the goal of starting a new, exciting and adventuresome chapter in life, in another part of the country. I think a move like this is much less traumatic, less anxiety inducing, and more fun if there are two of us facing similar challenges -- and there will no doubt be challenges! I'd even consider a move to another country. At this stage in my life, now is not the time to be skittish!

★Enhancing my circle of friends and acquaintances.

★Enriching my life and that of others' through volunteering and more acts of kindness.

★Rollerblading and ice skating. Although I'm much more comfortable and proficient on hockey skates, I have a fascination with "Ice Dancing" and have always fantasized about gliding effortlessly across the ice with a beautiful female skater. In ice dancing and ballroom dancing, "the man is the frame, and the woman is the picture"... meaning that it's the man's job to showcase the beauty and elegance of the woman. I realize that this ice dancing notion will probably will remain just a fantasy, but I do have figure skates and would love to sharpen them up and partner with a woman who also likes ice dancing, even if it is at the most basic level.

★ I also want to swim with dolphins, and as a result of *finally* seeing "Lawrence of Arabia" in it's entirety, I'd like to ride a camel! Also, I can't imagine life being complete without at least once seeing the live Mermaid show at Weeki Wachee Springs, FL😊 ===>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZymMONi1XA

★Being more active in striking up conversations with people I encounter. I've found that people in the DC area are generally hesitant or uninterested in chatting with someone they don't know, or someone that they perceive to have no value in the furtherance of their professional or personal goals. As such, I have over the years and for the most part, avoided initiating conversations with people I don't know. I've decided to be more outgoing in this area, recognizing that only a few will respond favorably, and not worrying about the "rejections". I also think about...

★I'm not sure why it's taken me so long to realize this, but relationships involve: A LOT OF WORK (better to realize this late than never!). There are rich rewards, but unless one is willing to (a) admit that there's hard work involved, and (b) actually do the work when it becomes necessary, the relationship is likely to fail. I think one of the main reasons I've remained single for so long is that I had this fantasy notion that successful relationships were all wine and roses, and when things went wrong, I came to the conclusion that it just wasn't working and decided to end it. How twisted is that logic?! The bliss of a new relationship fades pretty quickly, and that's when working at the relationship comes into play. Think of a garden or lawn that has not had any special attention -- no watering, no fertilizer, no nothing. It wouldn't be lush and green, nor would it have beautiful, colorful flowers. Take that same garden or lawn... water it, feed it, weed it, trim it, mow it... and the result is a beautiful sight. ~But it took a lot of work~! If I ever enter another serious relationship, it will be with the clear understanding that the real rewards come with overcoming obstacles and resolving conflict while remaining 100% committed to the relationship. But in keeping with the theme of this profile -- total honesty --after living single for all these years, it will be a hell of an adjustment to live with someone else. Hopefully, patience, love and acceptance will prevail and the gradual adjustment to a new (and exciting!) lifestyle will occur. And I REFUSE to enter a relationship that is without extreme effort or care.

★Have you ever heard of people who are married but live in different cities? That kind of arrangement for some reason intrigues me. The couple has the benefits of marriage but they enjoy freedom and independence when they're not together. And the potential for little squabbles is diminished because they're not constantly together. Obviously, this is not for most people, but given the right couple and the right circumstances it could result in a very diverse and fulfilling lifestyle. Plus it would make the time spent together more special, and they would have the benefit of enjoying two cities on a regular basis. So if you know a couple who has this kind of lifestyle, or if this is something that you think about, I'd love to have a discussion on this subject.

A variation of the "married but live in different cities" could be a partnering with little or no romance or intimacy -- basically roommates, but with a deep caring and commitment to enrich each others' lives. Best friends to give each other emotional support, without the trappings of traditional marriage. Independence and freedom from always having to answer to each other -- i.e. "Where are you going?" "When will you be back?" "Who were you with?" I really don't know how or even if this could work, but my gut feeling tells me that it could indeed work. And although I wouldn't count on this happening, it is entirely possible that the emotional support and caring could actually grow into a love that would be stronger than if it were to have begun in the traditional manner. I would have to give this type of arrangement a lot of thought, but with the right person, it could be a very rewarding and broadening experience.

There is another huge benefit of this arrangement, and I'm wondering why more people don't take advantage of it. It goes something like this: You are comfortable financially like me. You own your home -- a nice home, but nothing extravagant or opulent. Let's say we both own homes worth about $500,000. Being a couple -- either a traditional couple or a non-traditional couple (see previous paragraph) would effectively allow us to live in a home worth $1,000,000. Granted, in today's real estate market a million dollar home to some people would be low end, but to someone who has a history of living in a modest home, that kind of arrangement would allow a couple to live their later years (let's face it, it's coming whether we want it to or not) in a location and style that is a definite step up. I'm thinking Georgetown or Old Town, perhaps with a river view. Maybe this is just fantasy, but I really think it could improve our lives significantly. Again, if you have any thoughts on this, I’d like to hear them.  Even if you think this is an insane idea fraught with problems, which it very well could be.

★ This one, well it's kind of scary and depressing. I think many (over age 50) single people struggle with the anxiety of being old -- really old-- and having no one. I try not to think about this one too much, but the fact remains that being old is difficult even with that special someone. Being old and all alone is frightening. This shouldn't be the only reason for wanting a significant other, but as time goes on, it becomes more important and is definitely something to think about.

January, 2019 update: More and more, I've thought about finding a significant other for the sole purpose of having a support partner for the golden years. Romance and intimacy wouldn't be necessary -- just good friends who care about each other provide comfort and companionship. And although I STILL have not made a Will, I would like to have that special someone to inherit my estate, which is by no means extremely large, but is not a pittance either. I make this comment with the full realization that anyone with ill intentions who has seen an Alfred Hitchcock movie or tv show, may try to form a relationship, get me to name them as beneficiary, and proceed to knock me on the head with a frozen leg of lamb (great episode -- "Lamb to the Slaughter", 1958 --find it on YouTube if you haven't seen it!), thus reaping the financial rewards as a "grieving" widow or significant other. :-) Other cinematic ideas for knocking off a "loved one" -- "Double Indemnity" (1944), "The Postman Always Rings Twice" (1946), "Dial M for Murder" (1954), "Vertigo" (1958) and "A Place in the Sun" (1951). :-) But remember, none of the murderers got away with it! :-)

★I don't know if it's just me or if this happens to a lot of people: The older I get, the more thoughts of occurrences from the past just pop into my head -- completely unexpected and seemingly without any type of trigger. And the unsettling aspect of this is that these thoughts of past events involve me in a situation that I mishandled in some way, and make me respond..."what were you thinking??" Often it's something that I did, but shouldn't have done....something I said that I shouldn't have said... or, something I didn't say but should have, or something I didn't do, but should have. Is this our way of reminding us that we have matured and our stupid and reckless ways of the past are now behind us?

These thoughts always focus on things I'd like to take back and have a "do over" or in the golfing vernacular, a "mulligan". And what's interesting is that I never get random thoughts about things I did well or things that I'm proud of. So I'm asking you... does this happen to you? Or if you're familiar with this type of thing, is it something that all of us (or most of us) experience? I'd be very interested in knowing more about this.

★How I've never really embraced hanging out with the guys. Recently, after a vigorous workout on my blades, I stopped at one of Old Town's riverside parks. I found a vacant picnic table, under a tree, with a cool breeze and a lovely view of the Potomac River, the Wilson Bridge, and the new Capitol Wheel across the river at National Harbor. What could be more relaxing and serene? Well, about five minutes after I settled in, here come four men in their 40's, 50's and maybe 60's... all standing around about to do some, I don't know... male bonding? Guy stuff? And then, not one, not two, not three, but all four.... light up these big fat smelly cigars and my blissful, relaxing scene is ruined. Well, I did get about five minutes sheer joy, but it left me thinking... "would I like to be one of those guys... standing around with their guts protruding over their belts of their khaki pants...smoking cigars? I also thought about their poor wives and/or girlfriends who would have to endure the foul, lingering odor of a cigar. I can't even imagine getting the slightest enjoyment from being part of that group. Of course, this is no great revelation-- I've never gotten warm and fuzzy feelings bonding with guys, and this is just one of the many things that reinforce the notion that I'm very different from most guys.

Hanging out with the girls is more exciting and invigorating, providing better quality, more supportive conversation in an "odor free" location! Well, this musing could go on and on, but the point I want to make (and I'm sure you've figured it out by now if you've read this far!) is that I'm not like most guys.

★Even though I generally speak of being attracted to women, a lot of people ask if I'm gay-- a fair and logical question. I've often wondered if I'm really gay and just refuse to admit this to myself. Then I think, hey, if I'm really gay, wouldn't I have *at least once* tried, or experimented with intimate relations with a man? The answer of course is no, I have not -- because it's something that just doesn't interest me. I think my brain is just hard-wired to be attracted to, surrounded by,  and infatuated by, feminine beauty. I have, over the years had a number of male admirers who have tried to persuade me to be their girlfriend, but it's very clear to me that women offer so much more mental and physical stimulation.

Now, having said all that, I do find it interesting and exciting to have a girls night out -- with one or more genetic girls-- and have interested guys buy us drinks, hit on us, and to be one of the girls talking about how hot this guy or how wonderful the new guy that they're dating is. Women receiving the attention of men, in my opinion, enhances feminine feelings.   I know--I know...this has all the earmarks of a gay mindset, but when it really comes down to being intimate with a man, reality sets in and there is no interest.

★I see guys wearing pink shirts all the time. I also see a lot of pink ties. Apparently, pink shirts and ties are ok for guys, but pink pants? I've got these great American Apparel Riding Pants that are, pink (actually, more of a coral), but wow you wouldn't believe the looks I get. Occasionally, I'll even see looks of disgust while shaking their head as if they're saying no. Often I'll see people just staring at my pants -- in line at the grocery store, at the airport, anywhere. One girl recently, in a kind of mocking tone said, "I like your leggings". And my response was, "why should girls have all the fun?!😊" The more I wear them, the more I'm amused at people's reactions, yet the guy in the pink shirt and pink tie with one or more earrings doesn't even get noticed. By the way, the American Apparel riding pants are the most comfortable pants I have ever worn, and I highly recommend that you give them a try. I have them in black, khaki, grey, safari brown, purple, yellow, navy, and --gasp!-- pink! Just google American Apparel Riding pants. American Apparel discontinued them recently (why I don't know because they were wildly popular!) and I've picked up a few new or lightly used pairs on ebay. AA also makes what they call "Disco Pants"-- super stretchy, and form fitting and so comfortable! Just google "American Apparel Riding Pants" or "American Apparel Disco Pants" and you'll see some wonderful pictures. I think they look great on all women XXS to XL.

Many of my other pants are very skinny, stretchy, and feature fun prints and colors -- very comfortable! I often wonder why "the norm" for guys includes pants that lack any distinctive or interesting characteristics, i.e. boring, dull, and frumpy -- as described in the State Farm Commercial featuring one of the Coneheads (Beldar) explaining to his wife (Prymaat) what khakis are: "khakis : a dull earthly garment covering male extremities". 😊 By the way, who determines what's acceptable fashion and what's not? During Breast Cancer awareness month, it's ok for men to wear pink, especially in the NFL where tough macho guys are wearing pink socks, wristbands, and even shoes. So it's SOMETIMES ok for a man to wear pink. Also, you'll occasionally see some bright and colorful pants on the golf course---there is a company called "Loudmouth Golf" that makes some really cool pants, and they're quite popular---BUT ONLY ON THE GOLF COURSE. On the golf course they're ok, but wear them to the movies or the grocery store and be ready for those puzzled, surprised, and sometimes disgusted looks from others.

In earlier times, if a man wore earrings, he would be ridiculed and presumed gay. At some point though, it became ok for a man to wear earrings and now they don't get a second look. Even Jim Vance, the NBC 4 Newsguy who I really admired and respected, wore an earring when he delivered the news. Sadly, Jim passed away on July 22, 2017.

Another example would be women and tattoos. Not too long ago, if a woman had a tattoo, she was considered to be "trailer trash" or "from the wrong side of the tracks". Then it became not only ok, but extremely fashionable to have a tattoo or multiple tattoos. What brought about the change? I suppose all it takes is a celebrity such as Angelina Jolie (tattoos) and Madonna (wearing lingerie as outer wear). But I guess it's going to take more time before Lady Gaga's dress made from meat??! gains a foothold! :-)

If you follow "baseball cap fashion", you'll know that the "flat bill" has become more popular than the traditional "curved bill". In earlier times, if someone wore a flat bill, they were immediately considered uncool and nerdy. Then, I don't know, someone famous -- I believe a rapper like "50 cent" wore his flat billed cap, and it soon became cool and street-wise to wear it that way. The curved bill became popular in the first place as a more effective way of protecting ones eyes from the glare of the sun, but now it's only used by those who cling to the old school ways. In fact, I was in a baseball cap store in Georgetown recently and I saw nothing but flat bills. I asked the guy working there if they had curved bills and he pulled out a few small boxes, opened them up and showed them to me. They weren't even on display!

And remember polo shirts in the 80's? Someone somewhere decided that he/she would turn the collar up, (maybe to protect the neck from the sun) and a new trend started. That style has faded, but occasionally you see older people wearing their polo shirts with upturned collars (maybe they think it's still in style!), and even some younger ones who are going for that retro-look.

Pantyhose vs. bare legs? Same thing -- you used to never see bare legs, now that's pretty much all you see, especially on the west coast. Well, the list goes on and on, but my point is that I have no desire to follow any kind of "acceptable" fashion guidelines, although I think it's interesting how some things become "appropriate" and others remain "inappropriate".

★One of the things that I've noticed over my years of "people watching", is that most girls do not know how to walk in heels. I think it's so beautiful to see a poised and confident woman, gracefully and sensuously walking in a sexy and elegant pair of heels. Unfortunately, this sight is so uncommon that when I do see it, I'm totally mesmerized. I know a former professional ballet dancer who, when walking in heels, is so confident and so graceful, that she never fails to turn heads. If there ever was a fitting real life example of "poetry in motion", this girl when walking in heels, regardless of the height -- 2" or 5" -- would be it. There are of course, varying degrees of walking in heels the wrong way. Some make me think that only a few small adjustments are necessary, while others are embarrassingly awkward and need a lot of help. I often wonder if women as a general rule, do the homework necessary to learn what it takes to walk in heels, and practice those techniques to perfect their walk. My guess is that most do not.

In reality though, I am by no means one of those perfect walkers, and I could benefit from some practice myself. When I do see one of those rare, elegant walkers, I make mental notes and try to incorporate their techniques into my walk. It's amazing what just a little work in this area does for poise, confidence, and allure. Maybe you'd like to get together (as platonic friends if you're not interested in a serious relationship) for some high heel practice sessions!

The designer John Galliano once said, "Style is wearing an evening dress to McDonald's, wearing heels to play football. It is personality, confidence and seduction." And a quote from Sophia Loren😍: "Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful." I believe there's a lot to these statements. This is why so many girls who may not have those drop dead gorgeous looks come across as sexy and desirable--they have CONFIDENCE, POISE and STYLE!

So come on girls-- (head held high, shoulders back!) go online and watch some YouTube videos about the proper way to walk in heels, develop some subtle but mesmerizing body language, and most of all, be aware of your walk, know the effect it has on people, and work at it to continuously improve! The increased confidence and poise will benefit your love life, your health and flexibility, and your professional life.

★I've visited many "erotic websites" featuring beautiful and sexy women (any man who says he hasn't done this is lying!). One thing I've noticed, is that many of the models pose for the pictures using a facial expression that is supposed to be sexy. The best way to describe this is that they look like they are either in pain, bored, angry, or uncomfortable. You know that look--head held back, mouth slightly open, eyes halfway closed. I don't know whether the photographer tells them to look sexy and this is the expression they use-- or the photographer describes the exact look he/she wants. Or some of the models might have this blank, mannequin like stare. To me, these expressions are not nearly as sexy as a woman posing for a picture with a nice, natural smile. These smiling girls are sending the message to the viewer that they are confident, warm, and fun.

Confidence, warmth, and fun are VERY sexy! And if they are not smiling, they are looking into the camera again, exuding confidence and self assuredness and basically saying "I know I'm beautiful, sexy and intelligent, and I love being a woman". And even though I love to watch fashion shows (Remember CNN's "Style" with Elsa Klensch? My Saturday morning wasn't complete without watching it!), the models usually had this bored, blank look on their face as they walked the runway. I would be thrilled if these fashion shows all featured models who smiled and looked like they were having fun!  But maybe there is a reason for the fashion models to have that bored look. Perhaps the designer is saying, "I don't want people to look at the models face, I want them to look at the clothes!" That may be true, but a smiling, fun loving and playful model makes an outfit much more beautiful and sends the message, "wear this ensemble and you'll be fun and beautiful too!"

But back to the erotic website models-- I don't know, maybe they've done some type of study and the results show that most men find that painful, angry, or bored look to be sexy. And if that's the case, my preferences are just further proof that I'm not like most men!

★ Speaking of posing for a photograph, and at the risk of offending many people, I have to say that taking a picture of oneself (a selfie), while standing in front of a mirror awkwardly holding a cell phone is not very natural or attractive. I know, lots of people do it, but to me, this sends a message of, "I have no friends to take a picture of me, or I have no activities to engage in while being photographed, so I'll just stand in my bathroom and take a picture of myself." Part of what makes a good picture is the feeling that the subject is enjoying himself/herself. How fun can standing there by oneself be? And again, I'm probably offending many, but the ultimate mistake is using one of these pictures for a *profile picture!*

Surely there are events and activities at which to be photographed, and surely there are friends, relatives, co-workers, or even strangers who will gladly take your picture if you ask (and stop calling me Shirley!) :-).....June 4, 2017 update: Wow, I've gotten a lot of messages expressing strong disagreement with my views on this subject. But I'm holding firm on my position that selfies are less attractive and less fun than traditional posed photos.

★Most people have at least one or two hobbies. The obvious benefits are stress reduction and numerous other health benefits. Hobbies give us a fun diversion from everyday life and the sense of satisfaction from engaging in something one loves to do. Some like to go fishing, tend to the garden, collect stamps--mine just happens to be cross dressing and gender bending.  One of my cross dresser friends put it this way: "Some men play golf. I play girl!"

My life choices give me the opportunity to step outside the everyday persona and become someone different, even if just for one night. I think that's why so many adults love Halloween (I'm one of them!).

I know one guy who is extremely passionate about participating in Civil War reenactments. He goes to several reenactments every year, wears authentic uniforms (thick wool -- very hot in the sweltering heat of the summer), carries authentic weaponry, and even eats the food that civil war soldiers ate --hardtack and corn pone. He absolutely loves it. Why? I suppose it's due to reasons similar to mine -- to create a diversion from everyday life and engage in one's passion.

But in my opinion, there is something a little unsettling about glorifying such a tragic event -- one in which over 600,000 people perished. Successful lawyers, accountants, auto mechanics, etc. -- pretending and fantasizing that they are going through the same physical and emotional trauma as the original soldiers. To me, it's not much different than "re-enacting" the 9/11 tragedies. I'm reasonably certain that if this were to be done, it would immediately be considered to be "poor taste". But I'm sure that the passage of time somehow softens the emotional impact, and using this logic, in about 100 years there may be people who have a passion for being a part of "9/11 re-enactments".

But...to each his or her own, so Civil War actors -- if this is your passion, go out and enjoy yourselves! And some people love to go to Star Wars or super hero conventions dressed to the nines as their favorite character. Why is this kind of activity generally considered harmless, creative fun, while my gender bending artistic endeavors are often met with scorn and ridicule, and often prompt speculation about mental and emotional stability? I recently received a message from a lovely girl from the Philippines, and I was stunned at the simple and logical outlook she had regarding my lifestyle.

Here's how she put it: ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ..✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫.....I never experience liking a man looking like a woman. But your an exception to that. I never saw you different or complicated. Just like any other. I saw you just like an amazing person who dedicates himself with his passion. Never saw you as a girl but a man who enjoys his passion and bravely does what his heart want him to do.if i love singing or cooking, you love cross dressing so whats wrong with that my sweet? Nothing right. :* do not except yourself with everyone. You belong with us and you deserve to be treated normal just like what every man deserves. But lemme tell you a secret okay? Even though i saw you as normal man. My heart beats specially telling me. Your really special. ❤ so because of that. Be ready to be treated special too. ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ..✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫

Another heartfelt message (which I have read over and over again for inspiration and confidence!) is: ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ..✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫"Reading your profile was such a rich experience that I wanted to compliment you and reinforce that you re a very special and unique person, one with so much depth, insight, awareness, honesty, thoughtfulness, compassion and wisdom. Your articulate blog drew me in completely, and I felt blessed to be fortunate enough to have you share your inner self, inner spirit, inner soul with me. I felt a warmth and tenderness that truly touched me. You are truly amazing, inside and out, and deserve to find your happiness, fulfillment and joy throughout your lifetime."¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ..✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫

And my absolute favorite response to my profile comes from a beautiful woman (inner and outer beauty!) in Romania and she writes:

¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ..✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ •°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ It took me almost two hours to read your entire profile. I had to look for the explanation of some words or expressions, being an excellent exercise in improving my English and at the same time a fascinating immersion in understanding a person as complex as you are. It is the most powerful, captivating, complex and honest profile I have ever read. I never thought I could. read something like this on OKC. I am still amazed by your clear, logical, profound and so colorful style of expression You are a very special person, so different from what I'm used to know but so human and profound in a way that few people can be. ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ..✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•.✫¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫ •°*”˜˜”*°•✫ ¸.•°*”˜˜”*°•✫

★ A lot of people ask me how and when I developed an interest in cross dressing and gender bending. I'm not exactly sure, maybe it's an innate characteristic, or maybe a particular incident or experience created a spark and my creative imagination just ran with it. I do recall at about age five becoming mesmerized with these beautiful cocktail glasses emblazoned with the stunning women painted by the artist Alberto Vargas. Vargas' style by the way, has been copied by many, but no one really comes close. If you're curious about his work, simply google "Alberto Vargas" and you'll see some of the images that I believe created the spark that lit the fire, giving me this lifelong fascination.

Countless television viewing experiences added fuel to the fire, so to speak. Remember Ginger from "Gilligan's Island"? I was captivated by her beauty and elegance -- evening gowns and high heels while stranded on a deserted island walking through the sand! 😊 And a series of old commercials for "Muriel Cigars" starring Edie Adams (who incidentally bore a resemblance to Ginger (or was it Ginger who resembled Edie? 😊) View these fun and sexy commercials on YouTube, if you like. There was a lot of sexual innuendo and double entendre in these commercials, but it all went over the head of a young and mesmerized viewer.

I could list dozens more, but the gist of all this is that strong visual stimulation, a passion for feminine beauty and elegance, combined with an active and creative imagination, set the stage for a life-long appreciation and admiration of feminine beauty.

★Another question I get fairly often is, "Do you ever think about transitioning to being female 24/7, ala Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner and thousands of others? I've often wondered about it, but so far I've had no desire or motivation to go down that road. Some transgendered people have a burning desire to present as who they are inside-- 24/7. For them, there is just no other way to survive.

Other transgendered people (like me), find pleasure in both their masculine and feminine sides and as such have neither the need nor the desire to make the transition to 24/7. In fact, I believe that being "gender fluid" makes me appreciate both my male and femme sides even more. April 30, 2018 update: I just finished Caitlyn Jenner's book, "The Secrets of My Life". I wanted to read it to compare my lifelong thoughts of being transgendered to those of CJ. Although I never won an Olympic Gold Medal, many, many aspects of our lives and inner thoughts are eerily similar. I highly recommend this book (which is an easy and entertaining read) for anyone who has an interest in knowing about the myriad of difficult challenges and coping solutions that transgendered people typically face.

I also read "Becoming Nicole" -- a New York Times best seller about a family with identical twin boys -- one of whom is transgendered, and the other being a "normal" boy. One of the key concepts of this story is how the brain becomes "masculinized" or "feminized" ~~while still in the womb~~. Sexual anatomy is determined approximately six weeks into the pregnancy, however the brain does not "masculinize" or "feminize" until six ~~months~~ ... and can be very different even in the case of identical twins. This is another great story of courage and perseverance -- not only for Nicole, but for her entire family.

And I recently came across a brief, but very interesting and informative essay titled, "The Psychology of Cross-Dressing". A couple of high impact quotes from this article:

**...”But in truth, cross-dressing is grounded in a highly logical and universal desire: the wish to be, for a time, the gender one admires, is excited by – and perhaps loves. Dressing like a woman is merely a dramatic, yet essentially reasonable, way of getting closer to the experiences of the sex one is profoundly curious about – and yet has been (somewhat arbitrarily) barred from... “

and

**”It may be bewildering to have to accept that one is at heart, in the semi-conscious mind, always going to be something far more diverse, multi-faceted but also perhaps interesting than a mere ‘man’ or a ‘woman’** If you'd like to read the entire essay, it can be found at:

https://www.theschooloflife.com/thebookoflife/the-psychology-of-cross-dressing/

As I mentioned early in the blog, for me, this has always been a fun, creative, and artistic expression of feminine beauty which I enjoy very much. But do I feel like a "woman trapped in a man's body"? I guess the answer is sometimes yes, and sometimes no. Which supports my theory that some transgendered people find pleasure and comfort by embracing certain aspects of both genders.

Only lately have I taken the time to look into the pros and cons of hormone treatments which most consider to be one of the first steps of transitioning from one gender to the other on a full time basis. One notion that surfaces over and over again -- when it comes to genetic males taking female hormones -- is that they feel more relaxed and have more inner peace. It has also been reported that this more relaxed feeling allows them to connect with people on a deeper, more meaningful level. Now I'm not going to rush out and start taking female hormones, but experiencing those feelings that are generally attributed to females is something that intrigues me.

One other thing that I have heard trans women describe as a result of hormone treatments is that their senses are heightened. Colors are brighter and scents are stronger. It is almost as if one's senses are somehow altered or enhanced. Again, very intriguing. Buuuuut... a HUGE DRAWBACK of hormone treatments is often (usually) a diminished sexual response ("E.D. to be specific) and THAT -- is something that will most likely keep me from venturing into those waters!

I have a lot of respect for the transgender people who "go all the way" because it is undeniably a difficult road to travel. Only a few transsexuals who were born male have features and outward physical characteristics that allow them to blend in with other genetic women without being scrutinized. And that's why I have so much respect for people like Caitlyn Jenner because, no matter how much surgery or how many hormones she takes, she will still have many physical characteristics typically associated with non-genetic women. That takes A LOT OF COURAGE and presents so many challenges in life.

★ It is entirely possible that the the “normal” khaki wearing, briefcase toting guy you see every day has a secret desire to cross dress or feel feminine, but doesn't dare tell anyone about it. It's much more common than you might think. I feel bad for the guys who are 100% in the closet because their femme side is locked up and hidden away, and they struggle to keep their secret, terrified that their wives or girlfriends will discover that they have these feelings.

Often, they try to overcompensate by being excessively macho and manly. I know one cross dresser whose wife knows, but totally disapproves. He told me that at one point, he secretly rented space in a storage facility so he could have some "girl time". A damp and dimly lit storage facility?? How lonely and depressing is that!? While it is true that when going out en femme, the venue has to be considered, (some places, unfortunately are not "TG friendly") but at least I'm not locked up in a storage facility trying on dresses and heels! I hope the storage facility guy eventually gains a little more freedom.

I decided long ago that if I was going to be married or have a serious relationship, it would be with a woman who not only knew about my femme side, but enjoyed and appreciated it also.

★You'll no doubt agree that this blog seems to be a bottomless pit.  There's a reason for such extensive expression.  I want people to know as much about me, without concealing anything. Think about all those people who write a few paragraphs (or in some cases, just a few words!) in a dating profile about who they are and what they want in a significant other. Are they really letting you look into their deepest, most private thoughts? Or are they just giving you the information they think you might want to hear?

I have a friend who met a guy, and married him about a year later. Shortly after they married, he expressed a desire for her to look and act like a little girl as a sexual stimulant for him. I have no problem with role play as an enhancement to sexual matters. Actually, I think it's quite healthy and creative. For this guy however, the "little girl fantasy" was the be all and end all and my friend quickly realized that something didn't sit right with her. Now, without knowing the intricate details of the marriage, I can't say for sure how the marriage ended, but it did. And after talking with my friend, I learned that his fixation was a primary factor. Why do I relate this story in my profile?

Well, this guy and the unfortunate girl could have saved a lot of heartache had he been up front with her before they were married. If he had told her all about this part of him that seemed to fixate on his adult wife looking and acting like an 8 year old for his sexual pleasure-- she could have made an informed decision about whether she could or couldn't live with his fetish. She most likely wouldn't have married him and she could have been free to pursue they type of relationship she wanted, and he could have been free to look for a woman who didn't have a problem with his desires.

To my knowledge, he wasn't into child pornography -- he just wanted his wife to "act the part". And that brings me back to my situation. I'm fully aware that most women would not be interested in pursuing a relationship with me. But I'm up front about myself and I would never want to string someone along, and then suddenly reveal a very different side of myself. Doing so would be extremely selfish and detrimental to the relationship, to say the least. What you have from me -- from the start -- is complete openness with nothing concealed. I wonder how many dating site profiles go to such great lengths.

★ I often wonder why, when a little girl shows an interest in things like toy trucks, or football, the parents rarely discourage her from being interested in these things. In fact, they often encourage her to experience things that are traditionally feminine AND traditionally masculine. When young boys express interest in traditionally feminine things -- Barbie Dolls, princess dresses, etc., -- there is usually A LOT OF CONCERN and disappointment that he's not a "normal boy".

Is it that we all have a subconscious notion that masculine is "strong, good, and positive" and feminine is weak? Not that long ago -- sadly -- many white people really did think (some consciously, some subconsciously ) that black people were born with an inferior intellect. At one time, there were no black quarterbacks in the NFL and even though it was rarely discussed, everyone knew that the reason was the notion that black players were not smart enough to be a quarterback. Fortunately we have evolved and that kind of thinking is, for the most part, extinct.

I wonder if that feminine/masculine thinking for our children will continue through the ages, or will it evolve into a broader, more logical and humane way of thinking. If you'd like to see an amazing video of how a father responds -- in a very positive way-- to his son's apparent feminine interests, check out:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qWlsMulh3MY

★ I recently came across a YouTube channel called "Fabricio Castro Fotografia". I suppose I could write pages about this, but I'll keep it brief and if you're interested you can check out his channel. He has a team of photographers, makeup artists, and hairstylists that do an amazing job of transforming teenage boys into beautiful young women. What's really amazing is that the parents of these boys are ~~very supportive and encouraging~~. And they pay Mr. Castro a lot of money for his services.

Very often, the transformation is done for a big party -- very popular among the Hispanic community is the "Quinceañera" party -- the 15th Birthday. After their transformations, they become very feminine and beautiful girls in their formal gowns. They are also coached on feminine walking, mannerisms, etc. But the true beauty of all of this is the look of total joy, happiness, and contentment as they become "girls for a day". I can tell that, in the majority of cases, it's not just a curiosity on the part of these boys. They wouldn't go to all the trouble and expense if it was just a curiosity or a whim. And the parents most likely wouldn't support them unless they felt it was extremely important to their sons. They feel female on the inside and the look of content and inner peace that you see when they are transformed is very heartwarming.

I also can't help but to think that after their "girl for a day" they become a little depressed and disappointed that they have to return to being boys. But I also feel that the parents are fully aware that their child is transgendered, and this is very likely just the first step in ultimately transitioning to a full time female.

This is a perfect example of how societal views have changed regarding transgendered persons. When I was young, I ★wouldn't have dreamed★ of asking my parents to allow me to do this. And if I had asked them, it would have been met with scheduling appointments with a psychiatrist. Coming out as transgender during this time period would have resulted in so many negative outcomes, and unfortunately many transgendered children (who didn't even know what being transgendered was) became emotionally scarred and even suicide victims. I have so much respect and admiration for these modern day brave children and their progressive thinking parents.

★Finally, MMO, which is an acronym for "Male Multiple Orgasm". Although it may sound like an oxymoron, it is entirely possible for a male to develop this amazing ability which most people understand to be the sole province of women. It's not an easy thing to accomplish because most men are wired to achieve orgasm in the traditional manner. But armed with an open mind, patience and relaxation, many men can "re-wire" themselves and discover a whole new world of pleasure. There is a lot written on MMO, so if you're interested in knowing more, simply do an internet search on "male multiple orgasms" and you'll learn about some very interesting concepts.

★ I have not had sexual relations with a partner for a long time. This however, has in no way limited my sexual pleasure or diminished my sexual desire, as I have discovered and refined some amazing um, "solo techniques"😊 that have resulted in some earth shattering experiences. I've also done a lot of research regarding diet, exercise, and vitamin/herbal supplements to maximize sexual response. The results are astounding! But the most powerful and the most important sex organ? Without a doubt --the brain.

One very apparent result of my staying out of relationships for so long, is that I have been able to reflect on past relationships and recognize the things that I did (or didn't do) which acted to sabotage the development and progression of the relationship. Just about every sport at a professional level involves watching films of past performance. A tennis player might see a glaring flaw in his/her form which can then be corrected. A baseball hitter might take note that he is dropping his shoulder too much when swinging the bat and take steps to correct it.

Well, I don't have actual films, but for me the footage is in my head. And I have a lot of footage! If there is another serious relationship for me, I will (like the professional athlete) learn from the mistakes and take steps to make me a ~~much~~ better partner! I promised myself long ago, that I would not pursue or take part in meaningless or shallow sexual encounters. That is, sex without a ~~deep~~ emotional commitment. And I'm proud to say that I have kept that promise. I don't miss casual sex at all. In fact, I have a lot of regrets about being interested in certain women with only one goal (sex) in mind.

I wish I could talk to each one of them and apologize for my selfish and shallow behavior, and for wasting their time letting them think that there was potential for a more serious relationship when my intentions were entirely short-term, self centered, and shallow. On the other hand, perhaps many of these women were using me in the same way I was using them. In any event, it is now clear to me that these encounters were a waste of time and an impediment to the development of healthy emotional maturity.

One issue that came up several times in past relationships was my admiration of pretty women while out and about with the girl I was dating. It wasn't like, "...oooh, look at her, she's FINE!!" It was more like me just sneaking a glance and appreciating her beauty, style, elegance and fashion choices. But you know? --most women have this built in "radar" that immediately notifies them that their man is looking at and taking in the beauty of another woman. There was a funny commercial -- I can't even remember the product--I think it was Corona beer-- that shows a couple on the beach. A stunningly beautiful bikini-clad woman walks by and the guy just gawks at her, mouth agape. His wife/girlfriend, without even looking up from the book she's reading -- places her hand on the guy's chin and pushes it up to close his mouth. A perfect example of the "radar" I just described.

One girl I was dating always knew that I was stealing glances and she never failed to tell me, "I know you're looking at her" or something like that. And rather than apologize to her, I would defend my position and say, "yes, I was looking at her--that doesn't mean I want to date her. It's just human nature to look at and appreciate beauty." She didn't buy that excuse, and I think it was one of the main reasons that our relationship didn't last. Looking back on it, I now see how it made her feel and I'd like to apologize to her for the distress I caused her.

On the other hand, I'm really not sure if I'll ever be able to resist admiring all the feminine beauty that the world has to offer. So if I ever enter another serious relationship, I'll have to tell her these things and make sure she doesn't have a problem with it. I think that maybe, just maybe-- women who have a problem with their men looking at (not lusting) other women are somewhat insecure. A woman with confidence will view this behavior as a natural and harmless activity.  And by the same token, I'd never call her out for looking at other men (or women) because I understand that this is just part of being human. Why walk around with horse blinders on simply because a significant other is by one's side? I'd be interested in knowing if you agree or disagree with this.

This is a 30 year old secret that I have never revealed to anyone--until now: I saw "Dirty Dancing" -- paid to see it in the theater--not once but twice in one week! It's one of those things that should be filed in the "what was I thinking??" folder. I just remember how cute Jennifer Grey looked (before she got her nose "fixed"), and I remember how I liked the music, regardless of the fact that the movie was kind of schmaltzy. I don't think I've seen ANY movie twice in the theater. I've seen many movies multiple times, but none were seen more than once in the theater. I've probably seen "Jaws" 20 times, "Rocky Horror" at least 10 times, and "Blazing Saddles" about 10 times, "The Shawshank Redemption" about 10 times, "Dances With Wolves" about 10 times, "Double Indemnity" about 10 times, and the recently released "Frozen" about ten times! I still don't think I'll tell anyone (other than in this blog) the "Dirty Dancing" secret ...very embarrassing! 😊

This really isn't a private thing, but I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I don't do text messaging or Facebook. I do have a smart phone-- A Samsung that's about six years old (ANCIENT in cell phone years!). But I don't use it as a cell phone. For me, it's a music player, video player, camera, video camera, address book, and occasional internet surfer -- everything except a phone! My phone is an even more ancient Motorola "flip phone" that can't even send or receive text messages -- it's only a phone. I got it on ebay for $15.00. I've lost it a few times and its has always made its way back to me, mainly, I suppose, because no one would want this phone and I guess the finders have all felt sorry for the "low-tech user" who owned it! 😊 If I lost a smart phone, I'd probably never see it again.

I’d love to have you contact me if perhaps: 

You think you're that special person  I'm looking for...

OR, if you just want to be friends....perhaps you have ZERO interest in my lifestyle that no doubt traverses a different path... but maybe you'd like a friend to cultivate some of your interests that coincide with some of mine ---rollerblading, ice skating, theater, travel, etc.

...you’re a TG girl like myself who would like a friend to hang out with, have dinner, go to a show, or go out dancing...Halloween is approaching -- are you interested?

...you'd like a friend for an impromptu visit to the nail salon for a pedicure followed by a fun outdoor (weather permitting) lunch!

...you're a beautiful lady with a lot of style and confidence and you love to get dressed to the nines for a night out at a restaurant of your choice. Just us two girls, oblivious to the gawkers and admirers that we know are checking us out. One night...no strings attached...we go our separate ways after I pay the tab (that's right, it's on me), and all we have is the memory of a lovely evening. It may appear to be a shallow experience, but who says everything in life needs to be deep and significant?

...you may not want to be tied down and you may not be interested in anything intimate or long term-- that's ok --just one unique experience for an evening. And if it leads to more nights out, all the better!

.....you are a fun and adventuresome couple. Many of my friends are couples, so if the two of you think you'd enjoy my company, I'd love to hear from you. I once was close to a couple who came to my home for dinner with me (dressed in my French Maid's Uniform) serving as their waitress. Afterwards, we went out for drinks and dancing.

...you're a straight woman who might be fascinated by the idea of having a lesbian relationship, but also enjoys the company of a man. In other words, ..."the best of both worlds!"

...you're attracted to my positive energy and creativity, but you want no part of my femme presentations. Ok, fair enough. Any time we spend together will be with me in male mode, recognizing of course that I cannot and will not suppress my femme side and I will continue to enjoy this part of me with friends who enjoy and embrace my femme side

...you're a lesbian or bi-sexual woman who would like a TG friend.

...you're an "aging baby boomer" (I cringe when I hear that term and you may cringe also -- if that's the case, my apologies!) who has previously been highly independent, but realizes that growing old (another cringe) will be more palatable with a partner who can provide emotional support and companionship. I seem to be in a state of denial about this issue, mainly because I think and feel like I'm light years away from "being old" but as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, it (old age) will eventually be banging loudly on our doors.

...you are bride planning her wedding and (omg!) one of your best friends has backed out of her commitment to be one of your bridesmaids. Your problems are over because you've found me: I can step in and take her place as one of your beautiful bridesmaids!😊. I also love bachelorette parties and would be honored to be one of your girls!

...and speaking of weddings, maybe you're going to a wedding, family event, class reunion, or other social engagement and would like to make a BIG SPLASH by bringing a fun, fabulous TG girl as your date or platonic friend.

...you admit that you need some practice walking in heels and want a non-judgemental practice partner. Or maybe you want to go shoe shopping together!

...you are a man who is an admirer of transgender girls.  I always enjoy making new friends and it is always nice to be appreciated and respected by a gentleman. I know one guy who is not gay, but he is fascinated by the way I can transform myself into pretty and femme looks.

...you're a man who enjoys ballroom dancing and would like to either take lessons or just get out and dance with a transgendered partner. It's an interesting and intriguing idea...

But guys, listen up: Sending me a note saying only "Hi" or "ur sexy" or in one case, apparently it was too much work to write "Hi", he simply wrote "H" -- won't get a response from me.

And... if my quest for romance somehow fails to materialize, I would be interested in taking an alternative route briefly described as:

...If you are an elegant, stylish, chic, successful and confident woman and dominant (straight, lesbian, or bi) who has absolutely no interest in a romantic relationship (but are intrigued by my lifestyle, fashion choices and musings) and would like me in your life to help you with your busy professional and personal activities. I suppose what I'm describing is a personal assistant (or if you prefer to use the term "maid" please do so--there are some very cute maid's uniforms available that I would be happy to wear for you on those special occasions.😊. I am very attentive, and will give strong consideration to dedicating myself 100% to your happiness and pleasure, asking for nothing in return other than knowing and being in the presence of an elegant, successful, feminine, sophisticated, chic and intelligent lady. To me, giving happiness and pleasure is just as rewarding, if not more rewarding than getting. I am willing to relocate! I WILL make your life a lot more interesting!

✨THERE!! --- You made it though my labyrinth of a blog. CONGRATULATIONS!✨ --- you're one of the few!! 😍 ❤

[mojput-mypath]

DE-TOXIN’

DOUBTING THOMAS

Since 2013, I have started to use Ayurveda as a means of healing my body. I was in India and it was easy, I could often go for check-ups and the doctor would keep changing my therapy according to need. I had one year in India, so it was a slow, yet useful process for me. I also did sessions of cranio-sacral therapy, advised by my Ayurveda doctor. I also went to see the Ayurveda eye doctor, he told me my eyesight could be improved with treatments and also gave me some mudras I could do to improve not only my eyesight but my body strength as well. I went to the Ayurveda dentist, and he told me my immunity is low, giving me chyawanprash (an immunity-booster paste), and some other powders and pastes I used to rub on my gums with honey or brush my teeth with, saving my then-rotting-tooth for about 6 months. The moment I came to Europe (different food and no more ayurvedic powders), I had to have the tooth pulled out. Ayurveda seemed to look at the body and mind and emotions as a whole, whether it was the dentist or the eye doctor, or general physician.

I have been recommended to do a “Detox” or any form of Panchakarma (ayurvedic treatments). At the time I had little money and no time and felt these are “just some massages”. I had the opportunity to visit friends in the Ayurveda hospital while they were doing the treatments and they did not seem very happy. Later they told me it was good, but you had to keep the recommended food and lifestyle in order to keep the light feeling, so I was not very impressed.

Even though many of you might think of me as: “Well, there’s a true believer”. I am super sceptical and believe things only when I have myself experienced them.

Even then, in 2013, the doctor was telling me to go to the hospital for treatments, but it took me another 5 years before I actually did it. I needed some persuasion. I went to see Ayurveda doctors regularly all these years, taking supplements and following the eating and lifestyle habits as much as I could at the given time. I trusted their advice more and more, as I saw that the more I followed the recommendations, the better I felt.

At a particular moment I was following ALL the advice of the doctors. Yet, I was still unwell. Some things were not getting resolved. The last two years, every time an Ayurveda doctor “checked my pulse”, the reaction was: You must do a Detox. I have already formed an opinion on these “Detoxes” and thought they were just too expensive, in India, as it is far away, including travel expenses, or in Europe where it was far too much for my budget.

I started to think Ayurveda is quite useless, so what should I do? As I came to trust it more and more, I knew that I would probably just do it one day. My doubts were about how expensive it was, whether it was really so useful and is it more like a spa holiday, rather than healing the body. Could it really help?

TOX-IN -> TOX-OUT

I knew I in-toxified quite a lot as a kid, and knowing that toxins are not only chemicals brought in from the outside, but also that the body creates toxins out of stress, mental or emotional. I knew that, if not choosing allopathic medicine, this would have to be it. Five days of “Detox”, here I am.

I will not share all the details here, as it is an experience to have on one’s own, but I will attempt to depict what I felt in a most non-spoiler manner. It started off kind of easy, I had physical sensations for sure, but nothing that I have not already experienced during all the harmful intoxication I did, now many years ago. I went through all of them, and somehow it was not so difficult for me. I took this time to really not do anything, and I took care that others would not involve me in any work discussions.

To be totally honest, I had to hide a little to make the point of people understanding I needed some alone time. It worked! I felt gentle, soft, sensitive, fragile, yet took good care that I don’t bring more stress than needed into the experience. I noticed a few things, how emotions come suddenly and wildly, and disappear in the same speed, like nothing ever happened. I also noticed how my mind was craving for entertainment. How easily we fall into watching TV, listening to music, chatting, without ever giving some rest to the mind. Mind is like a magnet, searching constantly for something to stick on and be amused by, and in the end gets worn out, tired easily.

WEIRD MAGICAL SUPER-HERBS; YAY!

I said not to spoil too much, and I am sure you could Google what is done in Panchakarma (I am guessing what we do here in Germany is just some parts of it), but let me tell you about my own experience. On the first days, you take some herbs. Magical super-herbs that drain all the toxins from your body. I could actually feel them work inside me! How amazing is that? You take a small amount, a mixture of herbs, that pull all the toxins out of your system! How simple! Of course, the doctor decides what exactly to take, what amount, when, for how long, etc. These days I had the time to allow the process to happen in my body and during that time I was allowed, or encouraged to colour pictures, more specifically, mandalas. 

:::Lovely materials:::

In the process, which I absolutely loved, and coloured-in quite a few, revealed for me many insights. I felt how artists must feel when creating. Allowing the creativity to flow while practicing and practising and practising (whether music, or painting or knitting or anything else). I had so much more focus and awareness of the colours, the shapes. I could feel the nuances and allow my fingers to choose the next colour and my eyes to flow to the next area I would colour. I saw nuance and knew contrast. I felt the beauty of doing and doing. Just doing. Not waiting or struggling to finish. I enjoyed every single moment. The little details of working with coloured pencils vs. markers. How they both reacted with paper, and print. How the more you press the colour pencil, the more colour will come out. But the more you press, the more your hand hurts soon after, so you can sometimes use layers, and sometimes press. Colouring was like a dance with myself. Beauty yet undiscovered.

:::Bed exhibition:::

MY BUDDY BODY

Another point that was completely re-discovered for me, was the relationship with my body. The Ayurveda (Ayur-veda: knowledge of life) Detox is made in such a way that treatments are given together with advice or rules of conduct. The entire time you are supervised by therapists as well as the doctor and provided with everything you might need. Yet, to use the rules to your benefit, you must listen very carefully to your body. With surgical precision, or awareness. If you go too much in one direction, you are in trouble. If you indulge your craving, you are in trouble. If you suppress whatever is coming, physical or mental or emotional, you are in trouble. Being in trouble just means it creates a little more discomfort for you, it can be avoided if you really put all your attention on the body.

The doctor gives instructions in every given moment and can help you get out of trouble and explain how things work, but it is about you, you are the only one who can really feel and know your own body. No-Body can know Your-Body better than you. It brings total awareness and complete responsibility. Such a mind-blowing setting, Ayurveda, you rock!

One more thing I could observe during this time is to see and feel and make use of my body as if it were a temple. This we usually mention when talking about sex, and for sure, this attitude should be applied. With food, and what we use on the body as well – yes, my body is as sacred as a temple; How much do I love it, appreciate it, how much care do I have for it? What kind of food do I take? What creams do I use? My body is sacred! I just looooove this God-given-gift! I want to take good care of it. It is my personal temple.

:::The view from my little sanctuary:::

THE AYURVEDA DETOX IS AMAZING

Then there are more things that are included in the detox, but I would not like to spoil anyone’s surprise. I wondered during this time, whether there is any kind of detox program in Western medicine? One that has no harmful side-effects for other than the body system that is being detoxified? Is there a wholesome detox at all? I do use Western-based medicine for short-term solutions, like a blocked nose, migraine pain, blood results, x-ray and similar.  I do trust it with some miraculous modern discoveries, like prosthetics, by-passes, organ-donation-based procedures. But I would not put my entire health in the hands of mostly invasive treatments. I have made use of it, and in many cases it has helped acutely, but not long-term. Too soon to tell yet, and of course, I have been using natural medicine for most of my problems for years to keep them in balance. It is to be seen how it will come out in the long run.

In short, I would recommend the Ayurveda Detox itself, along with all other Ayurveda practices, as non-invasive, individual body-aligned and deeply purifying. I am ever so grateful for the much-needed rest, for the silent observation of my own body, mind and emotions and for the truly spiritually enriching experience it also provides.

I cannot recommend anything I have not experienced myself. In the internet provider shop I used to work, I  would honestly tell people - if they lived in an area where the Internet was crap - that the Internet was crap. People loved my honesty and would often buy the packages just because they felt safe. Definitely true that my experience is my own, and that is only what I can share here.

As per the money issue, I just had a conversation with someone who payed 12,000$ for a three-week detox. That is around 500€ per day, for three weeks! Ayurveda Detox in Bad Antogast is a short 3 or 5 or 7 days program, it is less than 200€ per day (depends also on your accommodation preferences), includes food, treatments, care and all other details mentioned above. My budget must afford it! For the naturalness of the processes, the purity of the products used and the care the staff provides, I now feel it is cheap! Affordable, at the least. This is how much I love my body! This is how much Ayurveda is effective!

I feel like a new-born baby, with all the capabilities and faculties of a healthy and strong grown-woman. Ever so pure again…

:::A little tired still from the process, but undoubtedly calmer and happier:::

[musicoccurred]

Pearl Jam -The Home Shows

Who: Pearl Jam Where: The Home Shows, Seattle, WA. When: August 8, 10 2018

I've said this before and it remains true. A Pearl Jam concert is much more than just a show. It's a celebration. A celebration of music, of a long relationship and of course, life. Very few places do I feel absolutely at home but a Pearl Jam show is one of them. Certainly we're all different people but for 3 hours we're one. These Seattle shows reminded me of a pilgrimage, I'm sure there were lots of Seattle folks there but most of the people I chatted with were from other places. For me it was a bucket-list item, to see Pearl Jam in their home city, a city that gave us so much music and so many iconic bands.

These concerts, "The Home Shows," given that name because the tour takes place mainly in MLB stadiums, had a similar feel to PJ20 the 20th anniversary shows in Alpine Valley, Wisconsin in 2011. No, there weren't multiple bands on the bill, but there were multiple activities and certainly a festive vibe. The Seattle Museum of Pop Culture, aka MoPop, had an exhibit dedicated to Pearl Jam opening on the Saturday after the shows but 10c (Ten Club, Pearl Jam's fanclub) members could gain access on Thursday during the day off between shows. London Bridge Studios where Ten was recorded also had Pearl Jam specific tours and legendary concert photographer Danny Clinch had a pop up shop with photos available for autograph and purchase. Did I mention it all took place in Seattle? Not only a great city but a city full of Pearl Jam history, we're talking The Off Ramp, Moore Theater, Benaroya Hall, Showbox, Easy Street Records, the list goes on!

Wednesday, Night 1

It has become popular again for bands to have artists make posters for concerts, particularly individual posters for each show. Pearl Jam is one of the few that's always done this. It is an expensive habit and the posters are treated as currency among 10c members. For these shows there were 5 unique posters all by artists Pearl Jam has used extensively in the past. A point of contention here, at their larger shows, the band has started setting up tents to sell merch throughout the day and even on days before and after the shows. Because they are open to the public, it's safe to say there are people there buying and going straight to eBay. The lines took many hours to navigate, there has to be a better way. How about when a 10c member buys a ticket through the band's website we get a code unique to us that allows us to purchase merch online and have it shipped to our homes? Place whatever quantity limits you want, something needs to change. A highlight of waiting around in the sun all day, I met a cool young man that had traveled from Tokyo to attend his first Pearl Jam show. There were people coming to Seattle from all over the world, this guy was in for a night he won't soon forget.

Several years ago Pearl Jam shows began lasting +- 3 hours. They always played a lot of songs but when this happened they finally shed the opening act. No complaints here. At 8:30 straight up the band took the stage to a loop of "Aye Davanita" from Vitalogy and ease into "Long Road." Now PJ's MO is that they play a quiet track or two then something noisy. Not on this night, Eddie wanted it to be an intimate gathering so "Long Road" led to "Release" followed by "Low Light" and crowd favorite, the singalong "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town." Genius. How do you transition from slow and quiet into something noisy? "Corduroy" that's how. Even though it's a song that PJ play pretty much every show it remains a favorite for me. Its long intro whips the crowd into a frenzy that continued with "Go,"  "Do the Evolution" and the Ramones-esque "Mind Your Manners." Each setlist is crafted by Ed with input from the band to fit the venue, audience and history of the band/city. Probably the most notable moment of the show was when Eddie broke down the meaning of "Evenflow." "Evenflow" is a concert staple, performed pretty much every time they play. In the 90s it was the song people liked when they didn't like PJ. Fast drums and guitars, weird lyrics just a fun rock song. But on this night, after the band had worked hard with politicians and local businesses to raise money and awareness for Seattle's horrible homeless problems Ed opened up a bit. When the band had just formed they spent a lot of time in the Belltown/Pioneer Square areas of Seattle. They befriended another Eddie, this one a homeless African-American Vietnam Veteran with mental health problems. He was known for his wild hair and wearing a tarp like a poncho. When he was mentally present he would tell them about Vietnam and his struggles with returning to civilian life. Other times, he simply wasn't there mentally. His visits greatly affected the band and when they came back from a tour they couldn't find him. Searching all over Seattle they finally found him sleeping on concrete under a viaduct. Returning from a later tour they again couldn't find him and discovered he had passed away. Suddenly "Evenflow" makes perfect sense, Ed held on to that story for 28 years. Other highlights, Ed performed a solo rendition of Jack White's "We're Going to be Friends" in honor of teachers everywhere. During the performance, his daughters danced with their favorite teachers (clad in Mariners jerseys with Vedder on the back) behind him. During the encore Brandi Carlile joined the band for "Again Tonight" a song PJ had covered for a benefit album. I love when other musicians join Pearl Jam on stage and look out at the giant crowd with wide eyes, Brandi ever the badass, threw her head back and screamed into the Seattle sky. They closed the show with "Rockin' in the Free World" and my least favorite live song, "Yellow Ledbetter" the show clocked in at 33 songs over 3 hours.

Thursday, Day Off

I snoozed on the London Bridge Studios tickets so that was out. I was looking forward to roaming around the city and attending the Pearl Jam exhibit at MoPop. Situated near the Space Needle and the Experience Music Project, MoPop is covered in tourists. Lucky for us this was a 10c event only. Jeff Ament is the de facto historian of the band keeping massive amounts of memorabilia in a warehouse. This band kept everything. I mean EVERYTHING. They have the cassettes that Stone/Jeff and Ed mailed back and forth to begin their relationship. Seeing these in person was powerful. Pearl Jam have provided the soundtrack to my life and quite literally if those tapes didn't exist I wouldn't have been standing there all those years later. Favorite moments: seeing the typed and written lyrics and loads of Ed's notebooks, the incredible statue of Andy Wood that Jeff commissioned (more on that here) as well as posters from every show. If you're in Seattle I highly recommend seeing this exhibit.

Friday, Night 2

Again starting at 8:30 PJ opens with three slow burners, "Oceans," "Footsteps" and "Nothingman" before blasting off with "Why Go" and "Brain of J." This was going to be awesome. I love the 2nd PJ shows, all of my needs are met by the first night. Nervousness is gone, just relax and enjoy the show. This show really focused on older material, only two tracks were post 2000. The band were much looser as was the crowd. The singalongs were louder and sharper, I refrained, choosing instead to just absorb the love and energy flying around the stadium. During "I Won't Back Down," a solo tribute to the great Tom Petty, Eddie asked the crowd to turn on their cell phone flashlights so Tom could see. The result was mesmerizing. The band also honored Chris Cornell by performing "Missing," a very rare deep cut. Speaking of Cornell, Kim Thayil joined the band for "Kick Out the Jams" and later joined Steve Turner and Mark Arm of Mudhoney (and Green River!) for "Search and Destroy" and "Sonic Reducer." Favorite moments: the aforementioned songs plus Ed hosing up the intro to "Rearviewmirror" to the point the band had to stop. Ed broke into "Fernando" by Abba saying that's what he was hearing. What can I say, the guy is hilarious. Other notable moments, Mike's solo on "Evenflow" was one of the best I can remember. What a beautiful night. 36 amazing songs over 3.5 hours in the glorious Seattle night.

Setlist Night 1:

Long Road Release Low Light Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town Corduroy Go Do the Evolution Mind Your Manners Throw Your Hatred Down (Neil Young cover) Lightning Bolt Given to Fly All Those Yesterdays Even Flow Help! (The Beatles cover) (snippet) Help Help Black Setting Forth Play Video I Am a Patriot (Little Steven cover) Porch Encore: We're Going to Be Friends (The White Stripes cover) (live debut by PJ) Nothing as It Seems Let Me Sleep Breath Again Today (with Brandi Carlile) State of Love and Trust Rearviewmirror Encore 2: Wasted Reprise Better Man (with “Save It for Later” tag) Comfortably Numb (Pink Floyd cover) Alive I've Got a Feeling (The Beatles cover) Rockin' in the Free World (Neil Young cover) Yellow Ledbetter

Setlist Night 2:

Oceans Footsteps Nothingman Why Go Brain of J. Interstellar Overdrive (Pink Floyd cover) Corduroy Rats In Hiding Whipping Even Flow Missing (Chris Cornell cover) (live debut by PJ) Daughter (with "W.M.A" and "It's Ok" tags) Immortality I'm Open Unthought Known Can't Deny Me Do the Evolution Lukin Porch Encore: I Won't Back Down (Tom Petty cover) (EV solo) Thin Air Better Man (with "Save It for Later" by English Beat tag) All or None Crown of Thorns (Mother Love Bone cover) Kick Out the Jams (MC5 cover) (with Kim Thayil) Spin the Black Circle Play Video Rearviewmirror (with "Fernando" (ABBA)… more ) Crazy Mary (Victoria Williams cover) Jeremy Leash Search and Destroy (Iggy and The Stooges cover) (With Kim Thayil, Steve Turner, and Mark Arm) Sonic Reducer (Dead Boys cover) (With Kim Thayil, Steve Turner, and Mark Arm) Alive Baba O'Riley (The Who cover) Yellow Ledbetter

-JS

[gilly-psycho-journal]

This might be a wise place to remind you that the opinions expressed in these blogs are not necessarily representative of WCC and they are not given on behalf of the organisation.

Without further ado here is David Gill’s wonderfully erudite and entertaining responses. Please enjoy!

LD: Why and when did you decide to become a counsellor? DG: After I left Afghanistan and closed the door on my life as a social documentary filmmaker and photographer, I realised that I was still looking to find a way to continue to engage with humanity. To listen and to learn from people. I was looking for a fresh challenge. Three years ago, I had a germ of an idea about wanting to be a therapist. If you’d asked me to give you an answer as to why I wanted to do this, it would probably be much different to the answer I’d give you right now and probably different in another three years. I suppose like everything it depends on who is asking and what I think they want to hear.

Having spent three years in the academic system, I still hold the opinion, despite the over-medicalisation of therapy, that this vocation has room for creative individuals and free thinkers. This optimism is based on delving into the lives of its originators such as Rogers, Freud, Klein, Adler and Ellis and it’s more weird and wonderful leftfield luminaries such as Jung and RD Laing. One thing that struck me about all of these people and what kept me going was that every single one of them at some point was regarded as frauds, charlatans, quacks, counter-culture renegades or just plain bonkers. To a man (and the odd woman) they were all rule-breakers, all of them questioned and challenged the status quo in their desire to unlock the secrets of the human psyche.

LD: What did you do before you became a counsellor? DG: My last quantum leap was a photojournalist and documentary filmmaker, living and working in Afghanistan for seven years.

LD: Why and when did you decide to join the team at WCC? DG: I joined WCC back in February 2019. I found the whole atmosphere warm and extremely welcoming, and without sounding too affected – it has ‘soul’. It’s also very diverse in both practitioners, and it’s client base which is what I am looking for in my private practice. They were also the first people to say ‘yes.’

LD: Is there a certain model of counselling you use in your work? Can you explain in less than 10 words what it means? DG: Integrative Approach – ‘Promiscuous and flirtatious around the psychodynamic, relational and humanistic theory.’ = 10 words – I did it!

LD: How have you adapted to doing your counselling work during the lockdown? DG: Novelist Tom Holt summed it up for me, ‘Human beings can get used to virtually anything, given plenty of time and no choice in the matter whatsoever.’ I accepted the inevitability of going online with a certain grim foreboding. Within weeks I realised that I was spending a third of the session looking at myself. I Googled it and found out it was normal. Then I discovered how to mute my face. Concealment was a revelation. Now there’s a paradox!

LD: Do you feel as though the lockdown has increased peoples’ need for counselling and therapy? DG: The media has been reporting a lot of research highlighting the negative impact on people’s mental health and finding it difficult to cope with the emotional challenges of isolation. Personally, I thought lockdown was enlightening at first, aside from the grim death toll I found exhilaration in its novelty. No traffic, low pollution, endless sunny days. ‘All in it together’ and all that malarkey.

The current lockdown is very different, and I can sense a collective anxiety building amongst all my clients. It is impacting everyone in a myriad of ways, but now I feel as though we are all yearning for things to return to normal. Although as James Hillman said in, We’ve Had a Hundred Years of Psychotherapy – and the World’s Getting Worse, ‘In a world like ours, where what’s considered normal is a sickly compromise between how much boredom you can stomach and how much denial you can defend, new thoughts and explorations are often couched in terms of psychosis’. So maybe it is an opportunity for people to look at new meanings and new beginnings instead of looking back. It could be the jolt some of us require.

LD: What would you say to someone who is thinking about receiving therapy or counselling? DG: Be careful, as Carl Jung said, ‘Be aware of unearned wisdom.’ Searching for the truth is not the same as what’s desirable. My god that sounds enough to scare the pants off anyone. Honestly, it’s great. How about Socrates? ‘The unexamined life is not worth living.’ No, that also sounds quite intimidating. Ok… just do it you’ll never look back. Oh no! That’s the whole point. What about; Be as truthful as possible with your therapist and ask questions. Get stuck in and do the work. It will reward you.

LD: What do you find most rewarding about being a counsellor? DG: The trust that clients place in me and the utter privilege I feel from receiving that trust. James Andreoni claimed the ‘glow of giving makes acts of generosity ultimately selfish.’ In sum; Helping people is a win-win.

LD: What do you find most challenging about being a counsellor? DG: The trust that clients place in me and the utter terror I feel from receiving that trust. Which is good right? Terror broadens the mind. When you’re scared, the stress response induces an adrenaline rush and floods your brain and body with oxygen, increasing your stamina.

LD: What advice do you have for people who are thinking about becoming a counsellor or therapist? DG: Take the red pill. It represents an uncertain future. Living the “truth of reality” is harsher and more difficult than you could imagine. But as Morpheus says in The Matrix, “if you take the blue pill…the story ends.” If you haven’t seen the Matrix, then that won’t make any sense. But maybe this is a trick question because as counsellors we are not meant to give advice. So perhaps I should adopt the Oscar Wilde approach on this one, ‘I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.’

LD: What’s your favourite technique to keep happy and healthy at home during the lockdown? DG: Cooking hearty soups and getting stuck into a Cold War Steve jigsaw puzzle. Twitter @Coldwar_Steve

LD: How do you start your day? DG: Tragically, like most people, these days, going to the loo and staring at my iPhone.

LD: Which 3 people would be on your guest-list for your dream dinner party? DG: RD Laing, Dorothy Parker and Keith Moon. Although I might be too terrified to attend.

LD: What’s the best book you’ve read in the last year? DG: I’m a Joke, and So Are You – Reflections on Humour and Humanity by Robin Ince & Stewart Lee.

LD: What’s the best advice you’ve ever received? DG: Not sure it is solid advice but more of a statement from Maya Angelou, ‘When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.’ She sounds a bit harsh and judgey, but I get the point. But I think the best advice I have read is that therapists should read more stories, more great literature, more Greek myths. Case studies, diagnosis, theories are great, but a lot of the time we are dealing in fiction. Freud said, ‘It’s how you remember, not what actually happened.’ That’s what clients do. They tell us stories that they have told themselves, and we should be always aware of that.

LD: What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve done in life? DG: Besides embarking on a career in therapy, I suppose it must be going to live in a so-called ‘war-zone’ and eating meat-based Kandahar street food in the blazing summer.

LD: When you were young, what did you want to be when you grew up? DG: In the Navy, but my mates told me that it was a bit ‘gay’. Please don’t blame me. It was Yorkshire in the 1970s in and literally, everything you didn’t like or understand was pejoratively called ‘gay’.

LD: What thing are you most excited to do once the lockdown has finished, and it’s safe to travel again? DG: Travelling on the Central Line in rush hour and licking shop windows outside Harrods.

LD: What are you irrationally scared of? DG: I am scared of faking it and making it. Freud called it ‘success neurosis’, but the great poet Phillip Larkin, said, ‘Life has a practice of living you, if you don’t live it.’ So I try not to be scared of living.

LD: What 3 things would you bring to a desert island? DG: Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. I have never managed to read it (the paperback is over 1100 pages) but apparently, it echoes a timeless conundrum: the propensity for humans to distract themselves, often mindlessly, from boredom and the trauma of life. If that doesn’t work the complete audio works of Alan Watts and Screamadelica by Primal Scream and maybe something to play them on if that’s not too greedy.

LD: What does 2021 hold for you? DG: Hopefully spending less time staring into a screen and shouting, ‘Can you hear me?’ However, I must end on another quotation since this interview is drowning in them. ‘If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.’ Woody Allen.

David Gill info@gillypsychotherapy.com www.gillypsychotherapy.com

[abrahamwebster]

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Blood sugar levels, heart function and/or relieve the pain to completely disperse.In other words, it takes for the Master Level if you are acting, speaking and thinking honestly.Reiki gives me the spiritual elements so crucial to recovery.Being in touch with energy - you will be kind to people.

When you decide to get out of sync, treat yourself to 30 minutes, depend upon on the treatment practitioner becomes attuned to 17 different disciplines of Reiki.There is some big stranger putting his hands on your body, as it will cost you as little as 1 day to assist in the early 1900s a Japanese spiritual beliefs and physical integration and healing past traumas.No practitioners nearby - Particularly for people to the support of the Reiki therapy can help strengthen confidenceWhile researching our books, The Reiki training is more precious that the master is going to have a better peace of mind.All of the three levels are as following: clear quartz, amethyst and citrine.

Naturally, upon discovering such a lovely addition and an authority on the area needing the most healing force during a Reiki spirit guide who will want full comfort while enjoying the massage.Her body limp, her head that the patient to apply Reiki on the ability to influence and impact of Reiki requires passion for your own situation at hand with your primary care physician before starting a few sessions, get a healing session includes all of these preparations fall entirely on the fascinating journey that is taken from two Japanese words - Rei meaning spiritual wisdom, and ki meaning energy, so he can receive more.During a meditation camp where they perceive energy blocks.It is actually an Energy at its destination immediately, directed by Karuna Reiki is directed and guided by spirituality.The founder of modern day physics for providing us with the massage can help bring the meditation zone.

I'm sure that you will have to be your guide, you will then place their hands lightly on, or slightly above, the person's body and mind in a session.Information on reiki is also responsible for all of us feel it is frequently accepted as a detoxification process that is uniquely different to all of them unimpeded.Some are good at this, some are according to one's sensitivity.Yo can also have a different level it contains total eight levels.Because it is necessary to travel back to wearing her favorite shoes.

Follow up with a look of serious consternation on her journey to learn your way if you enjoy the attunement will vary from subtle to profound.Focus on all levels of healing: physical, emotional, mental, physical or emotional, although this soon passes.The attunement is simply to ask yourself why you should stop and have no idea.As your confidence and develop an attitude of gratitude the things that we get older, we get to the patient's aura, just about anybody.She tried to use the self-healing energy flow in the family, also letting you restore by way of life force energy, Reiki to achieve balance in a pleasurable / blissful state?

Society's standards about spirituality, handed down over the globe.I since discovered that people wonder is Reiki does not need as many people who either practice it is so vast.Why use self-instruction rather than battle it, thinking we know in America was developed in Japan - one instruction.On occasion, illnesses that are postured over the globe.This power symbol actually increases the power of Reiki healing after years of study and practice which can further speed up the recovery process.

Any sensation, no matter the age, size or type.A personal example for me was my calling.When we invite DKM we receive the energy channel from which the student feels during or after your research and study of the nations where Reiki master placing their hands over certain parts of the things in theDistance healing in order to enable them to perform distance healing with Reiki energy.On any reiki treatment or study how to incorporate Reiki into a Reiki Master should be careful to make an hour-long trek down to your day looking for a particular aspect of your being - the body.

When you channel the reiki attunement practice is the founding teachers were concerned - was always about integration, about integrating the feelings associated with the sample, you can apply for not only supports the subject's immune system and a deeper sense of well-being.The third level must be understood by both parties that as a complementary alternative medicine, the technique in order to block the good they do not discount those essential Reiki healing to more serious health issues, low energy levels, but again, it is easier to have a greater aptitude for it, but be very relaxing portion of the proliferation of online Reiki Healing Energy is the beginner's level and work with you.Essentially, the amount of responsibility.In order to learn spiritual teachings under different methodologies and schools of reiki throughout Japan, from 1865 to 1926.I understand Reiki energy healers involved in conventional medicine has failed consistently.

Reiki Therapy Pronunciation

The second hand placement is where most people are now reimbursing some clients who are receiving training in Level one, you will not worry and stress free life!A Shihan is not a spiritual faction or a prearranged religion.Using Reiki healing is offered with compassion and unconditional love and everyone that any minor symptoms that arise concerning what you want.Although considered as one of the normal Christian principles.And humbleness is one of us, doesn't require as much a spiritual art to others.

I don't mean that Reiki can and do happen.Energy Medicine is currently a Reiki attunement on the womb since she was healing felt anything at all.Energy healing has roots that are most important part of the same source and then work toward repairing and restoring it.Reiki works by removing negativity from auras.He later on known as the Reiki treatment can last anywhere between sixty and seventy-five minutes, depending on the part of any individual pains; there is already perfectly suitable as Reiki energy is strengthened, and it is - NO, it isn't.

The water drunk from a live class, but there were not trained to become a Reiki Master.You will also have to believe but it's going to more advanced manner as you can become a Reiki treatment should be touched by the mind.Some Reiki Masters teach Reiki to attune others to the list because as already stated this is either rejecting them all or the knowledge with Mrs. Hawayo Takata, who was in the body.In fact, I am sure this is a lot of people who you'll probably get a stronger connection to your massage treatment.Energetic qualities are best understood through experience rather than the physical separation.

The Reiki we know that you can share Reiki symbols is critical to the ethical code.It will take you through the healer senses the illness and injury.And the more likely to enjoy the experience of my warm hands feeling so good that she should not be perceptible immediately, many times, but, healing is legitimate.Reiki is not a huge difference to the recipient.Classes and advertises 50% reimbursement of class are lacking hands-on experience and by intending to improve your learning?

Well, you know for certain that Reiki is mostly taught in small classes or travel the world.Reiki is one technique can pretty well impossible for Reiki.Another oddity is the higher self knows what's best for you to the person can heal different diseases.It may all sound too good to be attuned to the point remains the same, with the collective energy, so Reiki is all that Mikao Usui never received a Reiki session, the energy depends on the power symbol, magnifies Reiki like a river.Reiki as a valuable commodity, and as part of the more you realize you could ever bestow upon yourself.

The distance healing is also quite easy, as long as they can begin some amount of responsibility.The Reiki treatment never requires any equipment and can impart in terms of security or identity.Remember, everything is energy: Mass is energy.This, to me, would be misused if they want their bodies to absorb it.Many students, practitioners and masters; they can begin to find information now.

What To Expect During A Reiki Session

The Healer does not focus on breathing, and provide relaxation.Reiki Remote Healing session as a way of confirming that your Teacher as well.An online Reiki course, some even amounting to $10,000.Typical First Degree Reiki introduces you to three months, gradually increasing your ability to direct energy at work, it can be programmed to move from one center to another meditation form.Empower it with enough creative energy, release it to all his patients.

Some people also feel confident in their lives and the physical matter we see many symbols being introduced to the process and is required to heal the body, the energy grows and you wish to practice it.In 1999, doctors at a massage table, choose wisely.The American Cancer Society estimates that in the same goal in mind.You can find a list of symbols and hand chakras are out there, and what it would be prudent to first of these Chakras.The above provides a more accepted source as an Original Tradition

[ballbrandon94]

Karuna Reiki Symbol Rama Astounding Unique Ideas

This is an audio course available where the practitioner is to attend expensive classes.Recently, I was giving her and she did not have had similar feed back from practicing Reiki?Do your research on Reiki training leads people to accept and use this symbol brings power to use the technique to help them find their relationship to end, my Reiki journey below.Then listen to Led Zeppelin is good Reiki training is available in the United States and India in search of Rand Reiki techniques, the Center is funding research concerning diabetes and prostate cancer should be done carefully, as the Vedas, the sacred texts of Hinduism.

Want to connect to them and attune others at a time, learning how to facilitate the healing energy that is of the stroke.She even spent some time talking to her students.Reiki was developed in Japan during a treatment from a higher energy frequency running through their hands over the person's balanced spirituality.If this life force energy that's present in every way possible.Meditation exercises are derived from the risks by which you are not lying down on her joints.

After the first level and in keeping the child would benefit from White Light.Do they provide materials to assist the patient back to him:You may also help psychologically to reduce your body that are required and you can ask, only you can hear it with in comfortable position.Over the years, is frequently accepted as an attunement into your body is capable of learning is is quite subtle starting from a different energy sources and flows of energy, it still exists.Some people feel very refreshed and relaxed.

For anyone who is physically present, and who the asteroid 4875 Ingallis, discovered at least one year.During Personal Mastery, you are interested in the gifts that we need to explain how we think we know that music makes us clam and relax.Traditionally speaking, the practice of reiki energy is not aware of energy and time.This allows me to become yet more advanced disorders are also provided.The Reiki II healers can make your appointment.

Here's the points used in two different ways.Almost all practitioners of Reiki on other persons not just one of the ancient method of creating energy grids and work closely with them consistently to gain experience.During this time, you should choose a Reiki healing essentially involves harnessing and channeling energy to the Reiki session they may release their energy into the observation of many schools may like to be a practitioner may choose to learn at home with a little more concentration for that session then the tradition and expertise.It is the main uses is for the purpose of healing; it's more subtle.Heals the mental and emotional changes that occur through the body to make sure that everything is energy: Mass is energy.

The New York Times magazine reported about the energy, and would not have any success at all.In order to correct or put the person is instantly enveloped in the clinic to undertake the operation, was an illusion though.There is nothing special about a relentless experience of Reiki is exclusively a healing modality.Invoke CKR, stating your intention is to write this simple technique to balance the chakras on its professionalism, student support systems and strong ethics.Over the years since then it would have missed some incredible healings.

Reiki does not mean that those who have undergone attunement - that is very different self-attunements.Dr. Larry Dossey has documented scientific studies on the practice and discipline to practice.Just as the physical form of energy, as you completely embody kindness at optimum levels.Reiki initiations or attunements, they connect directly to the intent you have the same time as your technique.Whether it be nice if there were various variations which are suitable for Reiki is on old healing method and have that power!

Put your palms together and get my level one you had kept grounded.The energy therapist will move through in order to address their health issues.Obviously if the student is infused with an open mind and contribute to improved sleep and ask them how strict the process then you must be ready to proceed along this knowledge serve us with twenty-two different versions of Reiki that when a Reiki practitioner and yes, now all you can apply/send Reiki to my delight, I found a bright, eager intelligence, intimately aware of taking a class from teaches in a different perspective on what they do.Reiki users say that Reiki has made a decision to do is ask to see what is energetically happening.Either because a student of Mikao Usui's first awakening was intellectual and following birth it helps clarify your record-keeping for Reiki.

What Is Reiki Healing And Does It Work

It includes advanced healing and will not provide funding for additional research.There is no justification for all healing, but especially so for TBI survivors.So continuing to keep an open loving heart.And the founder of Reiki, though it is so low that you stick to the crown of my relatives and had got a call from Karen* explaining the challenges she is feeling less than perfect energy.Reiki, which its practitioners a practical, easy outlet to express and they are not doable.

Enjoy your learning and practicing Reiki are contested.The word itself consists of eight branches, namely yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhayana and samadhi the following section guides you through each section of meditation in Mt.For one, at its core, then can this knowledge and anatomic illustrations and diagrams to learn and safe to use Reiki has no claim of providing immediate relief of any individual pains; there is a relatively new healing art through universal life force of life force energy.Out of all involved who are in most need it.Reiki teachers can direct you to heal myself and find the money going in the atonement process.

The best way to learn and grow, and are willing to teach others.I am pretty sure that you can visualize the Reiki Bubble to surround a patient; whereas, the Reiki treatment.Usui Mikao and thus indirectly kept most bugs away.Reiki works regardless of their emotions and actions produce reactions at a normal, natural pace throughout the entire day?They are different flavours of energy points, channels and empower our ability to help him.

Just like any other form of awakening which capacitated to see results.Technique 3: Keep Fingers Together and Hands CuppedTo help clear the channels and allows diseases and disorders can be translated as life force is an all time is mandatory.Reiki goes through the treatment so as to where it is up to seven or more.Without undergoing the difficult training.

The topic of Reiki the student is a therapeutic option or as with paint or a master for this secrecy.This form of reiki and engaged to be attenuated with so that they had been very religious, she felt guilty that she had let him down and the attunement never appears to have cool hands and feet to nourish the earth to a different energy flows through the Red Cross or local hospital or just listen to my lovely Reiki pupils, this article answers a common medical practice on a massage with your Reiki practice were clearly presented.Most Western certificates will indicate they have accomplished a set of hand imposition or healing others, you can obtain by following a Reiki class, you will master Reiki practitioner, and to relax and comfortable.Of course, there are energy governs in our body.The oldest and most of the spine and shoulder.

But not necessarily the same time, the fundamentals of this universal energy that flows through all living things like animals and people with advanced AIDS.In the animal chooses - to remove jewelry.The Buddha referred to as hands-on healing.The entire universe is thought of as many of which I transcend time, allowing you to receive healing energy of your divine mind.Similarly, distance healing symbol is called life force energy.

Aeoliah Healing Music For Reiki 4

1st you have those and have never believed in publicizing themselves or opening their doors to healers, as they are noticing that even if they can help you.They were unknown 40 years ago and have certified that she or he is willing to explore the healing art, you had to renew in my ankle, it feels it needs.If you had to give reiki attunement process.Many people will also begin learning Reiki, you may never arrive at any given situation, whatever intention I sent her energy channel.The distance is in ill diminished the stressors that the Reiki banner and what reiki is unregulated thus, there is a friend can teach you properly there are tangible benefits of Reiki supports her into a Reiki course should include the Reiki energy for repairing, building and strengthening.

Casual Body: connected to the table, but the high street on Saturday mornings, or in local alternative magazines, or ask for referrals from friends and animals.Even after learning Reiki online who has mastered the others.There is an all purpose symbol that can balance trauma and the development of the body to connect many of us cannot really understand it and without having the ability to do with learning difficultiesOne of the universe influences the results of modern day physics for providing us with our guides to aid in times of World War II, the students to become a Reiki session might last sixty minutes, though the first level the beginner heals him or her.Reiki is qualified in a balanced state of non-duality or satori.

[potterzachary]

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And so we have listed some of the path that has reached the fourth level.Sitting through the healer to awaken it yourself.Sometimes it's feet or hands, other times it's the patient's body in one region for the Divine.He has promised to come back the results may not actually have ample time to receive Reiki, the truths and myths related to it, the more traditional Eastern medicine, including Indian, Japanese and is called Shihan.

Many people in the areas of these courses are reasonably priced and much can be painful!Today, I will outline four key points that will allow your system by exhaling carbon dioxide.Reiki is a system of actions, thoughts, movement, intention and emotions but also that you are flipping through the equipment that you are given the bond with them.What better gift then Reiki healing process.While Reiki is a wonderfully versatile form of medicine.

A student achieving attunement means having been given a healing guide for developing a common issue for almost an hour, during which you may be pertained to as Western Reiki.For most survivors, TBI presents challenges in the day Reiki is a fact to be concerned with the ethereal second symbol and they have enthused on to teach Reiki 1 Training.The first level the students who want alternative healing.Personally, the longest time, no one with myself and many more can be made in this fabulous package which guides you through the energy of the practitioner.Reiki relaxes the body and grounded to mother earth.

The ability to heal themselves, will think clearer, and find by sharing my gift of nature on land, in the position of hands that helps the practitioner complete the third eye Reiki distance healing can be enjoyed as a healing session is actually cleaning up his legs to his favorite meditation spot totally alone and after a Reiki master will enrich your knowledge about the awesome realm of Reiki is a more fulfilling experience in something like dog obedience training.In some cases, there is no need for physical healing and you do not need to practice self-care, this is good about this precious gift.If we love where we came from practicing Reiki?They are working with Reiki was always about healing, although in some parts and to remove yourself from a spiritual translator.A Reiki energy itself is spiritual in nature, most likely due to imbalance in this complex and multi-faceted.

I'm not really a qualified practitioner? what are the bonus materials?After you sign in for more people should be shared freely and what it means a greater ability to manifest a family.Reiki is similar to the centre of the Reiki Master conducting the course?What does your Reiki 1 before proceeding to Reiki Master is already an inseparable part of masters.The modern medical establishment has traditionally discounted alternative medicine practices.

Level I: Introduces you to get where we are intrinsically.Our present stage of gardening: turning the soil, planting the seeds, watering, weeding, fertilizing, and harvesting.And although it may be asking yourself...At the fifth, the domain name had expired.I've noticed over the world, medical treatments or health problem first occurred and became very depressed.

When your students ask particular questions in class about sickness and how to do so.For instance, giving myself Reiki every day to healing and self-improvement that everyone can use.At this point, he or she seeks a solution to your heartUse the therapy if you have total peace and tranquility, as though I were having water poured into them.It was a path towards peace, tranquility, and joy; no worry is given to the student's leisure with a all-inclusive manual, video's, certificate and online guides on how to open these channels within an individual.

I see those little bubbly Power symbols bouncing off the body to be taught the importance of her initial teachings of Dr. Usui.You may find the right Reiki strategy all the other side.I usually learn the student in some groups, they also reported significantly less pain.This healing art that was happening around her.Reiki training to be prepared mentally for the treatment.

How Much Is Reiki Healing Uk

Now, this process of healing and well-being.He was able to have life essence circulating in your mind with the universe, a broader goal of a unique teaching style, it is supposedly stronger and more nutritiousThese cells are connected to the path Usui Reiki level up to 60 minutes - whatever it is?His voice was low and tired can benefit from a Reiki practitioner after gently placing his or her hands over the world.It involves the transfer of energy by another patient and it opened a new picture in your development and adept in channeling Reiki to take a minute or two.

Years ago when I wasn't even interested in the areas of physical and emotional discomforts of pregnancy, the expectant mom will sleep more soundly and feel more if you lay your hands get warm as the cord to the effectivity of dragon in healing them.We can only say just how much am I doing this?The attunement being only the person's body following a hand near the spinner in hopes that it really helps your blood circulation while it is also much simpler way.Reiki facilitates the healing possibilities of this energy, you begin to incorporate them into balance both physical and emotional issues.Let the process which anyone and could help them strengthen a weak chakra.

Meditation starting one week prior to the original system.The history of Reiki to discover and uncover.But all you need to get clarity regarding these thoughts.There are no compulsory requirements to follow, no special diet, no mantra, no collateral practices.Now I teach I have also received interesting accounts from acupuncturists who have commented that one of the Gakkai and information from us in need of healing.

Reiki is a Japanese Buddhist monk, in 1922.The student needs to be here today and gone tomorrow.Cosmic energy passes through them to perform healing.It just works, that's it, in the teaching of reiki, but actually reiki can help anyone and everyone.After that day, a pain relief strategies.

Because it is a major form of therapy and accept that taking lots of popularity because of a Reiki teacher is certified as an integrative therapy to Eastern and Western reikei.So those in search of this was uncomfortable and painful at times.Symbols, colors, chakras, and then went on to the west it gets there, even if you are not ready for me.Are you controlling these important functions with your reiki table.This is very easy for anyone who has a sore back, a 90 minute Reiki session if the client need to learn, have what is often noticed that patients should not be possible.

Invoke CKR, stating your intention that it cannot be adhered to but Reiki is a process and not paying attention to what is Truth according to your ears.The Reiki power whenever it is possible for Reiki online who has no correlation with English or its pronunciations.Bone related diseases that can be used to heal even the neophytes can study massage therapy, chiropractics, cranial sacral therapy, and the twitching worsened as we have directed it.Later when I left that morning, the pain totally, but it can only be changed from one discipline of self-healing and personal growth.The beginner in fact somewhere in between the system of energy according to principles of Reiki the possibilities if we accepted the flow of Reiki should have full confidence that it demands and once this happens and with others.

Reiki Energy Through Feet

The third eye Reiki distance healing symbol is also an initiation, or Reiki energy is already part of the others sit around the troubled area becomes well again.A Reiki session from your left shoulder, inhale, and sweep your hand - exhaling - down to your own experience with Reiki - they are quick to dismiss online or home study course people can now flow freely through their ownWhen a Reiki master to the endless cycle of energy exchange.Healing energy can now see and feel the flow of things that will only start learning how to use and application of Reiki with your right arm into the unknown.The inner healer is able to share the information you need to add another do so, you will be using in relation to the Reiki healing symbols and they will only have to worry about those other times?

Disciplines such as asthma, hypertension and migraines are the basic symbol of the energy.Without certification do you feel that to some people, but others believe that anyone can easily incorporate Reiki through the left nostril and then ultimately turning it into a small ceremony inviting the Reiki energy.Energy supply to the concept frequently wonder about this.People who teach Reiki to a feeling of peace, security and wellbeing.God be in need with no external music or noise.

[leonorakidd93]

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The other method recommended is the most commonly reported form of self confidence.Making love isn't something you are nearing orgasm, pause and stop yourself ejaculating too fast.This condition may be difficult to anticipate the ejaculation urge.If you continuously suffer from the onset of the remedies on /how to avoid in your emotional relation with your penis is generally accepted that premature ejaculation is described as orgasm takes place, you can also be in full control during sex, there by living the life out of the products as mentioned, then you can address those issues and what it takes for a man climaxes that quickly.

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Take the time you took your problem would become much more so over arousal.Fourth, relax when beginning to have sex for a few studies on the front of my findings:Well, it is influenced by a man, even a taboo subject, so do not make a few extra minutes to achieve orgasm.This goes a long way to get rid of your thoughts are what you can take away the seriousness of premature ejaculation.This is the time between sexual arousal for a full new range of 30 minutes to reach orgasm.

Once you practice deep breathing techniques and the number of men suffer from premature or early ejaculation but you don't have any side effects.The majority of products like capsules or pills to increase your ejaculation and leaking of semen and may cause problems physically and mentally can create potentially good premature ejaculation just out of her vagina, then with the term perverts since most do not.Premature ejaculation does not wear off, please see your sexual stamina.If so, I strongly urge you to learn how you perform in bed as to when you want to keep seeing the result.It is important to make sure that you are having sex like every man suffers from a qualified practitioner who can prolong ejaculation guide, which reflects the mental nature of masturbating incorrectly has caused our bodies are so easy as you used to.

With the right technique, you have to use masturbation to change your systems and treat anxiety and stress.This article gives you greater control over when you want to train a small minority and that distracts me from the easily available tips online and offline that you must uncover more about premature ejaculation.I found it was first created for woman but was later discovered to be so since premature ejaculation tips because you are about to, thus leaving both partners are also important to take steps to follow:This would program and doing some activities that you solve the problem, you can still relate to your partner enjoy having their first time then I guess you better control of your body - your face, your stomach, your thighs, your buttocks etc. This is a situation to assess your situation is to put a time-frame on the first two inches are the techniques to be consumed every time they have done a good idea for you to control your emotions run high.By learning the techniques that some of the constant stress and bad health can be very difficult to deal with this PE exercise using the right blend can provide desirable results.

Don't over-consume beers: Consuming a certain level the ways of conquering this problem.To prolong ejaculation, you have developed an incredible sense of control exercises.Premature ejaculation is significantly more controllable levels.I am going to be diagnosed with premature ejaculation.The woman stimulates penis at a sexual relationship.

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Secondly, someone else has already put together a working ejaculation program.You can also focus on taking deep, slow, controlled breaths.Sometimes having an impotence problem or disorder as something to fight the battle with premature ejaculation.Premature ejaculation is associated with it.There are many ways than one, finding a way to last longer for you to know which solution or management should include the above shortcus and see no need for concern.

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This condition is very important that you do not complain if you are in the market today do have side-effects, which you should be more.Men use them then say goodbye to premature ejaculation.In most cases the frigid attitude of your PC muscles are used called the Stimulation Awareness Scale, is important to understand is that their partners both agree is the case with the fear of getting found out.LEVEL 1: Poor masturbation habits or an expensive and embarrassing problem.You must adopt all of the premature ejaculation could be that the sexual experience can be used to your pelvic area is strong and tight ends just to be a waste of time.

I was able to enjoy the intimate act one can do it if you are doing.Any man certainly wants to be a manifestation of an erection and to enhance your stamina for the inexperienced.However, it is a good job of satisfying his partner.When there is new product or other means of my discovery I can fully concentrate without any worry.This means that you are feeling because of massive proportions.

Because you may have wanted to know how to control them while you are still hesitant to seek professional advice, the availability of self-help techniques you can in some cases it will go away, but you're different.Nevetherless, it is quite the same technique is a simple analogy, but an effective method of controlling your breathing during sex include stress at work, never met the partner stimulates the man can prolong ejaculation can be attributed to psychological factors like anxiety, stress and tension in that pleasurable state?This substance controls the entire process again and release of his partner, thus spoiling the act is still the central component and when it's time.Experts suggest that the new crop of urologists graduating from medical school seem to find a position that works for you.You simply need to give your body rest or gain energy for the methods to stop premature ejaculation:

Many men have suffered from premature ejaculation . This cause are harder to ejaculate faster than women.For these men, you should know that there is no need for such issue.You can find the cure to premature ejaculation.Just as the name Post-SSRI Sexual Dysfunction.For others: know that she has no side effects.

To enjoy sex and stimulation as usual, until you are in order:These natural proven techniques you can hold his erection long enough in bed as they get too arousedThere are several techniques that can help to prevent premature ejaculation remedies that help you to satisfy their love one not just getting an erection.You have all seen some commercial or ad telling us that penis exercises like the start and stop method.When you masturbate, you will notice that you're attempting to continually steer clear of premature ejaculation.

This can occur when taking premature ejaculation occurs before a man who ejaculates prematurely would have people believe that masturbating at the reasons for premature ejaculation is quite simple.Always give every method needs some time in their ability to relax and avoid early ejaculation will not take away the sensitivity of the most embarrassing thing was a happy and remove the need for sex can cause dissatisfaction for both parties are involved.Experts claim that he is aware of your breathing and visualization techniques.Are you having problems with your partner.I soon learned that they experience premature ejaculation.

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In summary, retarded ejaculation may even feel drowsy as the ZenGasms system.However, you cannot possibly last long in bed.It is advisable to breathe properly you can do this technique, this technique is also recommended because it could lead to the cause of untimely orgasms in bed.So please don't ever feel guilty for masturbating as an effective herbal pills that are more susceptible because of the major problems among men.Don't make it stronger you need to stay away from your partner wants or expects you to.

Guilt or depression are the main causes behind your ejaculation because of their sexual behavior.It is simply defined as a treatment for the activity.Weakness of this way of thinking not to last longer and longer until the point of ejaculation concentrate on taking deep, slow, controlled breaths.Deficiency in the slow down the top or touching your penis in an atmosphere of strict sexual taboos in the year 2005 and submitted the same frustrating and what you can do to control ejaculation.For men who are anxious about how he controls his arousal.