#so deeply embarrassing

[manclarina]

I made a study group for mechanisms and nobody showed up to the meet

[vaguely-concerned]

there's something so incredibly sweet about how many times davrin notes in his journal that talking to rook helped him with something. he keeps bringing them out to touch grass and gaze at nugs out in the woods with him which I think must be very good for them, and their company clearly helps him work through and get more clarity on things he's been stuck on emotionally. it's just kind of lovely and a great little nuance in that relationship.

[conejitomareador]

a style song-comic i drew a while ago!!

[andhyssops]

I might be the enemy

but nothing quite hits like you

[geosb]

The Dark Ages Doom guy doodles 🩸👹

[idlenight-art]

while im out here posting my da art (mortifying experience) might as well post more old stuff that's just sitting in my folders.

[peace-hunter]

Are there certain Primes that Optimus see more as a parental/mentor figure?

haunted au

mmhhh not parental per say, but some do take on more caretaking roles than others.

Prima especially takes to fussing over OP like a duck to water. he's a bit of a mother-hen by nature, but as the rest of his siblings are much closer to his age there was a limit to how much nagging they would take from him. but OP being so, so, so much younger than all of them and also very emotionally vulnerable when they met him activated Prima's caretaking instincts like a sleeper agent.

and OP appreciates this a little more than he thought he would. had it been at any other point of his life he probably would've resented the coddling but they met at a moment where OP needed that support. and Prima's enthusiasm for it made him feel a lot less guilty for leaning on him than he does with almost everyone else.

Alpha Trion doesn't fuss over OP nearly as much as Prima does, but he does have a soft spot for him that's a bit different than the rest of his siblings. and OP never completely gets rid of the awe he felt at meeting Alpha Trion back in that cave. so they're both closer to each other because of that experience, while having a degree of separation between them that doesn't exist with the rest of the Primes, which makes their relationship a little bit less sibling-ish than with everyone else.

then there's Zeta. i think he and OP have the most mentor/apprentice relationship out of all them, not because Zeta loves him any less but because he's so desperate to keep him alive that it manifests as him being kinda strict and a bit harsh towards Optimus. to be clear he's not cruel or cold with him! not at all! he's just the one that pushes OP the most towards bettering himself in every aspect possible, because he's terrified any slip up will lead to his death, just like it did with the rest of his siblings. which is perhaps not very fair of him but it comes from a place of genuine love and care.

and OP takes everything Zeta says to heart, be it guidance, criticism or praise. he wants to measure up to the legacy Zeta left behind as the first Matrix holder and is constantly worried he won't be worthy of the responsibility he was given, so he's always eager to learn more from him. it takes them quite a bit to reach a place where OP feels confident enough in himself to push against Zeta's input without feeling like he's about to irremediably fuck up.

but to be fair all the Primes are mentor figures to OP! every single one of them has something different to teach him (as much as it pains him to admit it when Liege is being a glitch) so they all fill in that spot in his life at some point of another.

here's another post that goes more in depth about all thirteen of them lol

[mercuryspit]

Payneland outfit changes after Hell

Post canon Edwin who’s overcome a large part of his trauma surrounding his mortal life and death and can finally experiment with some other outfits/accessories than his school uniform. He starts wearing sweater vests with pretty plaid patterns, long straight leg slacks that lengthen his body, cloaks with arm slits that make him look extra elegant and smart, and soft kerchiefs tied around his long neck framing the column of his pale throat.

Maybe Charles starts to notice, and he compliments Edwin every time. He thinks it’s aces that Edwin feels comfortable enough to mix it up. Maybe Charles also starts experimenting with his own corporeal appearance, because if Edwin can he can too. He adds more pins to his lapels and his bag of tricks backpack, maybe he makes himself a battle vest with a cool bleach painted agency logo on the back panel, he could start tying random scraps of flannel around his knee or elbow and insisting they had some kind of functional use.

And maybe, at some point, they start to coordinate. Whether intentional or unintentional they begin to mirror each other’s outfit choices.

Charles, who starts wearing sapphire encrusted rings when Edwin adds a gold plated ruby pocket watch to his usual accessory line up. Edwin can sometimes be seen with a broach on his coat with the painting of a dark brown eye lined with kohl against warm brown skin like his grandfather used to wear, and Charles now has a silver chain around his neck that has an emerald tear drop jewel dangling from it.

And they will sometimes revert back to their norm of course, you can still catch Edwin on a night in at the office dressed up in his white dress shirt and blue sweater vest, with his sleeves rolled up while snuggled up with a book laying in the arms of the boy he feels most comfortable around. That boy who’s dressed in his bright red polo and jacket because he swears that, ghost rules be damned, he can still feel the memory of the cold chill brushing through the office building. He knows that the jacket helps, but he thinks the boy in his arms helps too.

[backpackingspace]

Odysseus with his head in his wife's lap, happily not paying attention to anything, humming one of athenas song and carving something

Some random guy: your majesty----

Odysseus: not bothering to sit up: whatever my wife decided is fine.

[ezkel]

Regulus Black writes poetry about James and hides it in a locked box beneath his bed. (which in Grimmauld is also under a loose floorboard)

Sirius definitely finds the box and breaks into it before Regulus and James get together and makes fun of Regulus endlessly. (he never tells anyone though)

A year or so later James comes to Sirius in a panic about his developing feelings for Regulus and Sirius feels like it's karma for all the times he's made fun of Regulus for his "embarrassing crush"

He doesn't complain when they get together though.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

suguru with a reader who quits sorcery and starts an indie rock band after his defection (he listens to all your songs and deludes himself into thinking the lyrics are abt him)(your bandmate wrote them all)

[toastytrusty]

ok i know I'm a few days late now BUT! full thoughts on hickey davechella.

his undiagnosed playlist is mostly instrumentals. could represent how disconnected he feels from reality, could represent him repressing his emotions/ignoring his issues/masking his true self/whatever. you get it

the non instrumentals on undiagnosed are really upsetting. was lowkey crying listening to Black Holes In The Sand. gives credence to the disconnected from reality theory

also Come Over. is the vibe self hatred, self pity, something else? lots of family issues certainly but we'll get to that later

I Would for You (on undiagnosed) is also on gibson's playlist. lol

The Sound of the End of Music (on undiagnosed) is a mash up of This is the End and The Sound of Music. This is the End was on tozer's playlist. lol

an undiagnosed hickey attatching himself to other people and mirroring them rather than developing his own sense of self? likely story. morphing how he thinks they are and what he thinks they like into something else entirely? even more likely

The Angel Gabriel on undiagnosed. just everything about that. why is he listening to christian hymns. i' m gonna freak out

the songs on undiagnosed that can only be described as Weird Noises. Shell Cameo, which is a single piano with? shower noises? in the background? Weather Three immediately after that, which is just. 12 minutes of doom sirens. he likes weird noises

Glory Only Once also very similar. anyone else hear the ominous whistling? 😂

so many orchestral pieces. what a cultured young lad

Vexations: Vexations: Thème being almost complete silence. kind of similar to the instrumentals possibly representing a disconnect from reality. there's just nothing

The Unanswered Question has a lot to unpack. i don't wanna ramble Too much about music history and the significance of this song but. it is a piece in conflict with itself, asking itself questions and leaving itself unsatisfied. it's about the inherent terrifying disorder of existence. it's about finding comfort in solitude and silence. you ever think

Don't Smoke in Bed. just. everything about that song. yeah

now on the treatment playlist. his music taste fucking rocks. we got ella fitzgerald we got father john misty we got jeff buckley we got the beatles we got peter gabriel we got bruce springsteen. he is cooking

first song on treatment, What Do You Think Will Happen Now? feels like affirmations and something he's trying to convince himself of rather than something he yet believes. prefacing the playlist with a new positive worldview, representing his journey with getting treatment? perhaps?

he immediately has more weird noises on treatment. Hocket for Two Voices: I.— is very short and i am sure there is lovely musical theory behind it that i am not smart enough to comprehend but it is kinda just weird noises to the untrained ear. A Boy Called Conjuror is also like this. a love of weird noises transcends therapy!

I'm 89 falls into a similar category. he just listens to people talk. he is clearly still quite lonely

there is still a good amount of instrumentals on treatment, but the vibe is Decidedly different. big Maybe It's All Going To Be Okay energy. Forever Held made me cry the first time i heard it

most of the songs are not instrumental though! very lyrical. something about him approaching and processing his issues.

the songs about love on treatment. All The Right Reasons is very deeply moving Made me cry a bit. Love Love Love actually made me take my headphones off stand up and walk across my room but maybe i'm just too mountain goats pilled

side note for that: the song called Love on undiagnosed is an instrumental. love was something abstract and impossible to define or put into words before, but now it feels a lot more real.

It's Only A Paper Moon was very moving. he just needed someone to believe in him

Because the Night. i laughed. even treated modern hickey yearns for cannibalism as a metaphor for love. i'm joking. mostly

we still got christian themes in treatment! they are, however, less overt. like it's become a part of something else and can peacefully exist alongside him, rather than being so blatant and forceful. the jeff buckleys, father john misty (kinda.), etc

SPEAKING OF THE JEFF BUCKLEYS AND THE FATHER JOHN MISTY. New Year's Prayer is a heavy hitter. it's hard to pin down the exact vibes but it's somewhere between coping and accepting. if you get it. and Bored in the USA is one of the most reminscent of show hickey's pysche, imo. it's steeped in fear and regret and a resigned kind of hope

in line with the religion stuff. the orchestral piece, Gnossienne: No. 3, references gnosticism, a religious doctrine that supposes divinity can only be found in rejecting the material world (because it is evil) and the god that created it (because it is evil), and instead finding salvation in some secret hidden being through a different kind of spirituality. lol

Nobody's Fault but My Own is kind of heartbreaking honestly. it shows how much he Is healing and Is processing and Is taking accountability and changing the way he views the world. one of the most impactful imo

Kansas City felt very reminscent of show hickey's relationship with london

Mercy Street. so much to unpack. the daddy issues. the remorse. the begging for forgiveness.

even more family issues because the last song on the treatment playlist is My Father's House. it felt kind of like an ultimate culmination of the thesis of treatment being him facing his issues and being forced to confront and process them. there's an element of being too late to right the wrongs of your past, but there's also the element of accepting that, and forgiving yourself

now. the radioheads on both albums. both second to last song on their respective playlist. How to Dissappear Completely on undiagnosed, How to Dissappear into Strings on treatment. the first one was kind of viscerally upsetting and felt very in line with how disconnected the entire undiagnosed playlist was, almost like he doesn't feel real. one of the few lyrical songs on a mostly instrumental playlist is about how much he's Not a part of the world around him. smth smth the only thing he can put into words is that he has no words. however, How to Dissappear into Strings is Not! lyrical! it is entirely instrumental, on an otherwise predominantly lyrical playlist. like he's not thinking about dissapearing anymore, or he can no longer put words to it. it's still there, some things can't be magically cured and made go away forever, but it's less, now.

aspects of both playlists being very similar, sharing sounds and themes and artists, felt very much like healing not being linear, and treatment not entirely changing who you are. it's clearly the same person behind each playlist, with different experiences shaping them differently, but the same nonetheless. it's really beautiful

and to close out, i just want to say how meaningful this whole experience with hickey's playlists was to me. it was genuinely so truly truly moving to witness a character that is clearly severely mentally ill be given the grace and opportunity to heal and overcome their struggles, rather than it being homogenized into the rest of them. so often characters like this are not treated with the same potential to overcome, and are condemned to just being Like That forever, as if their struggles are inseparable from their essence and something that defines them. they are wholly characterized by being quirky and insane and inconsolably evil. but that clearly was not how this was treated at all (and never how hickey has been treated by the show), and being able to witness hickey's journey across these two playlists was very cathartic to me, and i appreciate it. a lot.

[anyataylorjoys]

I fear the person who wrote this article has snapped

[solargeist]

also thinking abt xelqua getting embarrassed if anyone calls grian his dad

[avpdpossum]

chanting “i am allowed to do this” out loud over and over while ordering delivery from a place i’ve never ordered from before. because i’m mentally well and am a normal amount of scared of doing things. now if you’ll excuse me, i have to get back to stewing in anxiety for the next 30-40 minutes while they make my food. like any normal person would.

[cinnabar-circus]

2023 | 99