#so as a kid it genuinely never occured to me how popular it was

[charlottedabookworm]

Charlotte, as much as you like elves and angst and drama and you've NEVER read or at least watched lotr???

If you can't get into it, its fine, but i think you'd really like it. Especially the inherent angst of the silmarillion, and the amount of room to play in between the lines there is!

Just stay away from Rings of Power, thats basically very very bad fanfiction made by Amazon.

lol yeah as a kid i watched my sci-fi and read my fantasy but my fantasy reading was much more focused on vampires and demons and child spies that eventually transitioned into just. crime novels

the only part of anything lotr/hobbit related i've actually read was the first chapter of the hobbit that got read to me during a primary school assembly (which is the absolute worst way for me to absorb anything i read too fast adn find it too hard to focus on other people reading to me tbh)

i have actually been meaning to get around to reading lotr at some point it's just really not particuarlly high on my list

[bbeelzemon]

okay first of all was anyone going to tell me that ac/dc is an australian band. and second of all was anyone else going to tell me that they're apparently colloquially referred to as "acca dacca" in australia

[ncttytrack]

Favorite Flavor - p.sh (m)

Every little dirty story that revolved around older men you read that night, you thought about him. Since that day, your deepest darkest fantasy was your crush on Park Sunghoon, your best friend's dad. 

Summary: You loved your best friend, and you have known each other for a long time. But as you grow older, so does your attraction for her dad, Park Sunghoon.

Genre: Smut, Best-friends-dad!Sunghoon x reader

Words: 5.5k+

Warnings: Huge age gap (reader is 20 and Sunghoon is 38) Don't like - don't read, Dom!Sunghoon, Sub!reader, creampie, reader has an age kink

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

You genuinely have the best friend ever. The first day you met each other was all the way back when you were twelve years old. All your classmates had decided to make you the new victim of their bullying, resulting in you not having any friends for the first two weeks of school. Until one day when your now best friend decided to sit with you at lunch. Being unsure of yourself, you had a problem opening up to her. Is she sitting with me to make fun of me? But you were wrong, so wrong. You talked the whole lunch period, making jokes and talking about your interests. That's when you found out that you both liked manga, and that she had a big collection at home that she wanted to show you. 

She invited you to her home later the same week, and you were beyond excited. It was a long time ago since you were invited to someone's house, that was not your aunt, or some other family member. You remember that you stood in front of her door, eagerly, waiting for her to open the door you just knocked on. 

And that's when you met him. 

The person opening your friend's door was indeed not your friend, but someone much older, and ofcourse, manlier. The door swung open and there was a man standing in front of you. He looked at first glance tall and slender, probably because of the clothes that he was wearing, a thick hoodie and a pair of sweats. His hair, which was black, was not close to styled - and it actually looked like he just woke up from a deep slumber. His face however was beautiful, not that you thought about that at the ripe age of twelve, but you still remembered how pretty he was. His lips were pink and plump, and his nose was big and pronounced, decorated with a mole on the side of it. During this time, he was rather young, around 28, so your first initial thought was that he was her older brother. It was weird, she never mentioned an older brother, and it never occurred to you that she had one?

“Oh, hi! You must be y/n, Im Sunghoon, Yeris dad!” The first thing that you could think of is how young her dad looked. Did he just look young for his age, or was he actually in his late twenties. Before the situation could get anymore awkward, beacuse you didn’t have the courage to answer the gorgeous man in front of you, Yeri ran and pushed her dad away from you and grabbed your hand to lead you up to her room. While you two walked away, your hand still in hers, you looked back at Sunghoon still standing in the doorway. 

That was your first encounter with Mr. Park, and when you were a kid you didn’t think that much of him. Yeah, he looked good for the average dad, but that's what he was: your best friend's dad. Even thinking he was attractive was so morally wrong in your head, so you didn’t let the thoughts get to you. You did however remember how popular he was amongst the other moms, especially your own. It was also then you discovered that he was in fact super young, being 16 when he got Yeri. You could hear your mom talking for hours about how brave Mr. Park was for taking care of a child from such an early age, despite the fact that the mom left when he and Yeri were 18 and 2 years old. You can’t imagine how much work that must have been for him, both having to think about his studies and his two year old child. 

It wasn't until you became 16 that Sunghoon had an effect on you. When you're 16 years old, you are well into puberty and the effect it has on you, both physically and mentally. In the same rapid speed your body got grown, so did your mind as well. Suddenly a guy was not only 'good looking', but put you in a position to sweat and turn red - just by the thought of being in the same room. It didn’t even need to be one specific guy, suddenly you found yourself being attracted to a lot more. Before, when you were glancing at a male classmate's hand, you didn’t think much of it. But now the veins, the bone and the soft skin made it too hard for you to concentrate. 

You clearly remembered the first day you looked at your best friend's dad the same way you did for the boys at your school. It was in the middle of the summer break and you decided to visit Yeri at her place. The sun was out and it was almost criminal how hot it was. If you didn't wear the light clothing you wore, you would totally be drenched in disgusting sweat by the time you got there. Your house was not that far, resulting in you always going by bike during all weathers to get to her place. The bike rack was by the side of the garden, and that's where you always put your bike when arriving. That’s when you saw Mr. Park in a state you never had seen him in before. He sawed planks with a massive chainsaw, which was probably several kilograms. His sweat was glistering in the sun, making his white tank top almost see through, and you curse yourself for staring at his hot worked out stomach. His arms were pumped up, and dirty from all the work. The sweat made his hair wet, making it stick to his forehead, before bringing up his hand, pushing the hair back. You are glad that he didn’t see you gawking at him, because that would be utterly embarrassing. 

The thing only got worse when your new interest in fanfiction made you realize your darkest fantasies. You had heard from Yeri that you could read stories about your favorite anime characters, and imagine that they were real and that they knew you. What she did not mention however, was that you could find so much more than that. You don’t even want to talk about what you used to read, but you could addmit that it was nasty, and utterly addicting. It started off light, even the slightest makeout story making your body tingle, but it came to a point when that wasn’t enough. So you searched for more, not knowing what it would lead to. It was then you found a story about having an inappropriate relationship with an older man, and it only went downhill from there. What was the problem however was the fact that the fanfiction could be written about anybody, but it couldn't stop you from thinking about Mr. Park. So that's what you did. Every little dirty story that revolved around older men you read that night, you thought about him. Since that day, your deepest darkest fantasy was your crush on Park Sunghoon, your best friend's dad.  

It wasn’t long until you were 18 years old, and you of course celebrated it with your family, and your best friend's. The big birthday cake, chocolate flavored, with all the eighteen candles was in front of you, and you were wearing one of those silly party cones on top of your head. They sang for you and you were the only one sitting down. You looked at the lit candles, getting ready to blow them out when the song was over. “Don’t forget to wish for something”, you hear a voice say that you have heard too many times to not recognize. You look up at Sungoon and smile at him. “I will '', you say with a small smile, nervously gulping down your saliva before looking down at the cake again. You close your eyes and blow out the candles, knowing exactly what you are going to wish for. After you opened your eyes, Yeri gave you a big side-hug before jokingly saying, “Omg! Now that you are 18 you can finally fool around with older men that you have read about without catching a case!”. Embarrassed, you lightly punch her shoulder and laugh nervously while tugging your hair behind your ear. You silently hoped that Sunghoon didn’t hear her, but by the look on his face, he certainly did. 

It was the same day but later, and a lot more people were in your house celebrating your birthday. Including some friends you finally have scrabbed together over the last six years. Because you finally could drink alcohol, at least legally, it didn’t stop you from doing so, making you right now extremely drunk. It was dark inside the house, with disco lights spreading throughout the room and you craved another drink. You wobbled towards the cabinet to grab the last vodka bottle, but right as you picked it up, a hand stopped you from going further. You looked irritated beside you, only to be met by Sunghoon. “I think you should slow down a little”. You look at him annoyed, trying to get the bottle back from his hands. But Sunghoon held the bottle so high above his head that you couldn't reach it, having to stand on your toes to even be close. Suddenly Sunghoon grabbed your arm with his other hand, bringing it down by force and close to his chest, dragging you in close to him. You breath hitched because you were super close, and he slowly brought down the bottle and put it on the table behind him. Before the liquid courage would force you any further, you backed away from him. “I think I am a little tired, I should rest ”you say and run up to your room. 

What you did not know however, was that you had left your phone on the same table where Sunghoon put the vodka. He knew that it was wrong, but he could not stop thinking about what his daughter had said earlier. What older men had you read about exactly? What if you were talking to someone and you were in danger. He wouldn't let an older guy take advantage of you like that. He did know your iphone code, he had accidentally seen you tap it in some days before, and luckily he remembered the numbers. He sneakily brought up your phone, and unlocked it. Right as he opened it a notification popped up from an app called wattpad. What’s that? He thought, as he opened the app. Right as he opened it he wished he didn’t, because now he could exactly see what you had been reading over the past two years. The stories were filthy, and so were the age gaps, all the characters were even older than him. He couldn't look at it anymore, not believing that a girl like you could read something like that. What he did know now however, is how difficult it will be to act normal around you. 

And oh, it was. Now you are 20, and over the last two years, from the day you turned 18 to now when you were 20, he acted weird towards you. Not that you knew why, because you never saw, that he saw what you had been getting off of over the past years. And he was getting cocky, I mean he knew that he was hot, and the stares that he would give you over the dinner table when you were with your friend was almost too much for you to bear.

Today was a hot summer day, and you were laying by the pool in your friend's backyard. It was the first day of summer, and you have always celebrated it with Yeri, even after you both graduated from high school. When you both were as young as 15, she smuggled in a bottle of alcohol to drink, not caring that it was clearly illegal. Of course you never get caught, Yeri makes Sunghoon go away for the day every year so he doesn’t interrupt your fun. Over the last years you had always covered your body, never wanting to show it. Even when it was only you and your friend, you wanted your t-shirt over your swimsuit to cover you even when swimming. It wasn’t because you were insecure about your appearance, you didn’t think much of it, but maybe it was for private reasons. But this time, it was different. 

Last night your friend called to make the not-so-awful news that her dad is not leaving for the day like he usually does, which means he is going to be there. You try to act disappointed on the phone, but you were far from disappointed. Quickly after the call ended, you searched through your closet trying to find something as close to a bikini. As you start to lose hope, you see the perfect one, a blue halter neck bikini with a low-waist bottom. You bought it a few years ago and you never had the chance to wear it. But now you did. 

When you greeted Mr. Park in the backyard you were already wearing it, making sure that your boobs were pushed up into the small bikini top. Throughout the day you had tried to do anything to get Sunghoons attention, but nothing seemed to work. That's when you got an idea. You laid by the pool and decided that you wanted to go top-less to sunbathe your back. Sunghoon could not stop staring at you from the barbeque-grill when you laid down on your stomach, carefully removed your bikini-top without flashing your tits, and relaxed against the sunbed. He almost burned the meat from staring at you. Did she do this on purpose? He did remember the things he saw on your phone on your 18th birthday, how could he forget?

Feeling way too hot, you decided to put on your bikini top again and head inside to cool off and grab some water from the fridge. As you open the fridge to take your drink, your thoughts get disturbed by a voice coming from behind you. “What do you think you are doing?”, you turn around looking at Sunghoon innocently and dumbfounded. He better not think he will get to you this easily. “What are you talking about, can’t I get a drink?”. Sunghoons sighs, put his hands on his hips and looks to the side. His foot is tapping fast on the ground. He is stressed. And his tongue pokes his inner-cheek. And irritated. You slowly walk to him, and tilt your head to the side. You look at him and scrunch your eyebrows, making you look clueless to what he is accusing you for. “Are you angry at me? I mean no harm, I am just your daughter's best friend”. He sighs and looks away for a second, before looking back at you with a smile. Right, Yeris best friend, he internally says to himself. It was a dumb thought that she did all that on purpose. “Of course you can take a drink, I’m just messing with you” he says and walks away. 

It has been two weeks since you talked to Sunghoon, avoiding him at all costs out of embarrassment. You can’t believe what had gotten into you that day. It is three in the morning and Yeri is already asleep beside you. That's when you hear the front door open. You didn’t even notice that Sunghoon wasn’t home, and why did he get home this late? Suddenly you hear more than one pair of footsteps, it sounds like someone is with him. Did he bring someone home? Out of curiosity you carefully walk out of the bed Yeri is sleeping on, and towards the bedroom door to see what is going on. And that’s when you see her. It’s a woman. Sunghoon really did bring someone home. And it wasn’t anyone, it was a woman his age, which means she was nothing close to you. You silently watch them, how they intensely makeout with each other and walk into Sunghoons room, closing the door. You can’t stop yourself, and walk after them. 

You lean towards his bedroom door and you can hear the sounds coming from their fun. The huffs, the puffs and the moans. You hear how the woman is calling for Sunghoons name, and that he should go faster and harder. The ache in your stomach grew bigger and bigger at her words, until you heard Sunghoons voice through the bedroom door. He sounds demanding, ordering her around, making her begg. Your body trembles, and you can feel your core getting wetter and wetter with any second. You have never heard Sunghoon like this, and you can’t get enough of it. You need more, your body can't physically leave.

Still listening, you slide down to the ground, your body still leaning against the door. You tilt your head back and take a deep breath as you slide in your hand in your panties. The fingers lightly touch against your wet core as you concentrate on Sunghoons demands, imagining that he is talking to you, that you are the woman he is messing around with in his bedroom. Your fingers slide in your pussy, imagining it is Sunghoon's cock roaming inside of you, stretching you out. While doing so, you use your thumb to massage your clit, bringing you closer to your release. It’s when you hear Sunghoons harsh demeanor switch to beautiful moans that you can’t take it anymore. As Sunghoon comes, so do you, making your hand completely coated with your own cum. What the fuck are you doing?You instantly get embarrassed, and run away as fast as possible to your friend's bedroom before you can get caught. The idea of washing your hands disappears when you hear the bedroom door open again. 

It is five am, two hours after the ‘incident’, and you haven't slept throughout the whole night. How could you? The only thing you have thought about was the fact that you masturbated to your best friends dad, fucking. Not being able to wait for Yeri to wake up, you decide to go to the kitchen to eat something, and maybe wash your still cum-coated hand. Just as you were about to open the refrigerator, Sunghoon came out of the bathroom door. You turned around and instantly gaped at the sight. Sunghoon had just showered, only wearing a towel that was extremely low on his waist. He looks so sexy with his hair wet, and you can’t help but imagine what he would look like without that towel. "Y/n!" What are you doing this late?” He says looking at you embarrassed. She didn’t hear me earlier, right? Not being able to answer, you bite your lips and look down on your feet. You don’t know how to face him after you heard him earlier, and what you did while listening to him. He cocks an eyebrow, getting suspicious by the way you are acting and he walks towards you. “I’m sorry, did I wake you up before?” He says, trying to bite back a smile. “Ah, it’s okay…” you say, still looking down. This can’t possibly be happening right now. He gets closer to you now, so close you can smell the lavender soap he used while showering. “Oh so you did? Probably listened on purpose” He says and laughs teasingly, forgetting that you are his daughter's best friend, and not some random woman he met at the bar. 

You look up at him to protest, only then noticing how close he is to you. Your hands come in front of your chest to bring some space between you and Sunghoon. “No I did not-”, before you can continue your pathetic statement, Sunghoon grabs your arm and lifts it up. He looks at your right hand, examines it, before to your surprise putting your fingers into his mouth. That was the fingers you touched yourself with earlier. You feel his tongue taste the cum of from your fingers. He takes out your fingers out of his mouth, licks his lips and looks at you with a teasing pout. “Aww did you touch yourself when you heard us? Did you get off? Did you finish?” He says, speaking to you as if you were a baby. You don’t know what you are going to say, deny? No, he already knows. Denying by now would only be foolish for you to do. It seems like the only thing for you to do is to stay quiet. The way you do not respond is enough for Sunghoon to understand the situation. He tilts his head to the side, using his other hand to tuck the hair behind your ear before grabbing your chin gently. Making sure to not hurt you. 

“Don’t act so clueless, I know what filth you are reading. Your best friend's dad hm? How dirty of you.” You look up at him, biting your lips, almost trembling with fear for what he is about to do. What if you are not ready to live out the fantasies you almost always had about your best friend's dad. “You are so cute”. Sunghoon swipes his thumb over your bottom lip, gently, getting more rough by time with his touch. His thumb slowly enters your mouth, first playing with your bottom teeth, before making contact with your tongue. He looks at you with furrowed brows and an expression that could only be described as arousal. 

His thumb is completely inside of your mouth, and you begin to suck on his thumb like it was his cock, looking up in his eyes. The rest of his hand is tightly grabbing your face, making you stuck on his thumb. He tilts his head back and sucks in his breath. “Just like that baby, soon you are ready for the big thing” He says teasingly. Suddenly you hear footsteps coming from Yeris' room. Quickly Sunghoon slides his thumb out of your mouth and runs back into the backroom. You quickly make your way to the refrigerator, acting naturally, looking for an early breakfast. Yeri steps into the kitchen and looks at you. “Are you seriously looking for food at five in the morning?”. You look back at her, kinda feeling bad since she doesn’t know what just happened. “Yeah, I got hungry.” You say, before grabbing yogurt from the fridge.

It’s Friday, two weeks after you sucked off Sunghoons thumb in his kitchen. Even though the natural thing to do after something like this is to avoid him at all cost, but since he is your best friend's dad, you can’t.

You are sitting with Yeri and Sunghoon in the kitchen by the table, eating dinner. Eating dinner with the Parks has always been something you enjoyed, but this is getting awkward. Sunghoon can’t even look at you, and you two have not been talking to each other since you got here. Not that Yeri seems to notice, she is all up in her own world talking about the latest anime she had seen. You try to concentrate on her word, doing your best to respond, but you can’t resist looking at her dad. You are such a horrible friend. 

When you are done eating, you put the dishes in the sink. Normally both you and Yeri would help each other out with the dishes, but she chose to take a shower today instead of helping you. She claimed that she hasn’t showered for two days and needs her one hour shower immediately. You let her get away with it, this time at least, and decide to do the dishes yourself and be a good friend for once.

You are hand washing the plate clean, and drying it with a towel on the counter in front of you. The Parks keep their plates on the highest level of cabinet, which is difficult for you to reach, making you struggle. That is until you feel a hand grabbing the plate above your head, putting it in the right place. You already know who it is, and because of the incident that happened two weeks before, you don’t have the stomach to say anything. Your breath gets heavy, knowing that the figure behind you is your best friend's hot dad, making you weak in the knees just thinking about him. His hand suddenly appears on your waist. “It seemed like you needed help with the plate,” Sunghoon says while giving your waist a squeeze, earning you a small squeak. He leans into your neck and rubs his nose deep, smelling you, taking in your scent of adolescence. He parts his lips and gently places them on the back of your neck, gently kissing you up your neck to your ear. He bites your earlobe making you hiss. It’s all going extremely slow, and it’s obvious that he is teasing you. One of his hands is still on your waist, while the other is slowly going under your shirt creeping up your stomach, soon meeting your breast. Sunghoon is still kissing your neck when he grabs one of your tits, gently massaging it, occasionally giving it a squeeze which makes your back arch.

It's when you moan when Sunghoon suddenly stops, he takes his hands out of your shirt and puts them on your hips, still behind you. “We can’t do this y/n”. You look back at him. His face is flushed and his hair is messy. “You are my daughter's best friend. You are 18 years younger than me.” You are still looking at him, frustrated. You need him, now. You can't wait any longer. “No Sunghoon, Please, I need you to fuck me” You pathetically pleading to the older man. Suddenly his hold on your waist tightens and he pushes his clothed cock towards your ass, making you feel him. You gasp, pushing your ass back harder on his hard cock. “This is how you make me feel y/n, this. I can’t be around you. And doing this will only make it worse.” Despite his words he doesn’t stop grinding into you, af if he can’t. Only the feeling of his cock pressed on your ass is making you tilt your head back out of pleasure, leaning on his shoulder. You look up at him with pleading eyes “Please Hoon, I need you, I need your big cock”. He turns you around with force, making you face him. His big hand grabs both of your wrists pinning them above your head on the cabinet. His other hand pushes you up, being strong enough to make you sit on the counter just by the sink. Before you could say anything he grabs your chin and kisses you roughly. You let his tongue take completely over your mouth, and it almost hurts how wide your mouth is open. His tongue is deep in your mouth, showing dominance in not letting you breathe until he lets you. 

He then pushes your mouth away from his, “Have you ever sucked someone off before, baby?” He says, his hand still pining your wrists. Not lying, you nod your head. He looks down at you and chuckles. “Of course you have, you dirty slut”. He says and lets go of your wrists, and pushes you on your knees in front of him. He unbuckles his belt, and drops down his pants to let his cock free. He is massive, and you can see the preecum leaking out of it. The sight makes your thighs squeeze together, something he noticed and loves. You look up at him, waiting for him to give you his orders, so you can follow him like his peasant. He smirks and licks his bottom lip, before biting it. He takes a fistfull of your hair, using it to control you and lower you towards his hard cock. You begin to lightly lick the tip, teasing him, before wrapping your mouth around the top of his cock. Sunghoon breathes out and tilts his head back “Ah, baby, just like that”. Looking up at him seeing how affected he gets by your mouth makes you even hornier, making you lean down on his cock even more. You remove his cock from his mouth to spit on it, which makes Sunghoon inpatient. He grabs our hair harder this time, and tilts your head up. “Open your mouth, slut” He says with a stern voice, and you follow his command. You open your mouth and he spits in it, making you moan at the ill treatment. You feel his spit sliding down your throat. He then slams his cock into your mouth, making you suck on it. He moans again at the feeling of your mouth, making you moan as well, vibrating his cock in your mouth. 

Just as you think he is about to cum, he slides his dick out of you, and makes you stand up. “Why did you stop?” you plead, wanting him to use you as his mouth slut. He grabs your waist and makes you sit on the counter behind you. He takes off your shirt, as well as his, as you take off your pants. “I want to feel you before i cum”, His hand slides over your clothed pussy, and he can feel your wetness through the fabric. You tilt your head back, leaning against the cabinet. The feeling of his fingers lightly teasing your clothed clit makes you moan. “You want me to touch you that bad, baby?” he says and looks at you with big deer eyes. You whine out a yes, before his hand rips off your panties and touches your folds. “So wet for me already, did you get turned on that easily by sucking on daddy's cock?” The sight in front of him could make him cum alone. Your makeup is smudged, and your lips are covered in drool from all the sucking and kissing. Just the way you look at him, tells him how much you want him to get you off. His fingers finally slip into your tight hole, and you moan at the feeling. But it's not enough, you need his cock, and you need it before your best friend comes back. 

“I need you Sunghoon, please I can’t wait any longer”, not having time to make fun of you, he has done that already by now, he quickly pulls his fingers out of you and brings his cock to your entrance. 

He grabs his cock and slaps your pussy making you let out a loud groan. He knows he is massive, and makes sure to be extra careful with your fragile little body. You both let out a relieving moan at the same time as he pushes all of him into you. The feeling makes Sunghoon almost collapse, having to tilt his head on your shoulder. Your legs wrap around his waist to push him even more into you, making sure that you can take everything he has to offer. Because of the risk of getting caught, Sunghoon doesn’t waste a second before fucking himself into you, pushing his cock in and out of you in a rapid pase, almost too fast for you too handle. His hand is still by your neck, biting you to muffle any moans coming out of his plump lips hitting a sweet spot. This makes you moan, and grab his hair to stabilize yourself. Feeling close, you bring your hand down to draw circles on your clit. Sunghoon suddenly slaps your hand away to replace it with his own, making him do the work for you. Because of the foreplay, it’s not long until you cum, and by the time his hard steady thrusts become sloppier, and sloppier you know he is close too. He comes into your pussy, and slides his cock out of you, looking down at your drenched pussy leaking out his cum. 

It’s then he looks at you with a stressed expression. “We need to clean up before Yeri comes back”. So that’s what you do. Sunghoon uses his shirt to clean you up, and help you put your clothes back on. You quickly do the dishes, getting help from Sunghoon putting it in the cabinet. After you have cleaned yourselves, and the kitchen, Sunghoon looks at you with regret in his eyes. “You didn’t do this because you felt pressured, did you? I’m older than you and would have easily taken advantage of you if I wanted to”. You look at him, smile, and walk up to him. You stand on your toes to reach up to his level and kiss his cheek, stabilizing yourself by putting your hands on his shoulders. You lean into his ear and whisper, “You are forbidden fruit Sunghoon, which happens to be my favorite flavor”

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I hoped you enjoyed this one-shot! Feel free to send requests. It can be everything from a one-shot request, to a hard thought that you want me to comment on 🥴.

[a-little-buggy]

"Amore mio, we cannot keep doing this." Ezio paced across the wooden floor, running his hand through his hair. It was entirely dark out, and the room was lit by a single candle on the table. "You were gone two full days! I practically turned this city upside-down looking for you!"

"How was I supposed to know I was still seeing things!? I genuinely thought it would wear off before now!" Desmond was sitting in a common room chair; the dark circles under his eyes were accentuated by his washed out complexion. He had just come from a bath, otherwise he would still be coated in sweat and hay. "I thought after a few weeks everything would just go back to normal! Well. . ." Desmond gestured around at the Renaissance assassin's guild hall. "Normal being relative, and all."

Ezio pulled a chair over by Desmond and sat down, picking at the stray straws of hay still glued to Desmond's skin. "I know that you are just trying to keep active, but please. If I get another report of you passing out in an alley, or landing in the river, I swear to Christo I will go gray." He stopped and cupped his hands around Desmond's face. "Don't do this to me, Desmond. I'm too young for gray hair."

"Oh don't worry, it'll be just as popular with the chicks as ever." Desmond gave a *swish* of his imaginary long locks, but the motion made his head spin. He braced his arms against the table. "Though I personally have less interest in the grandpa-type."

"Molto bene, that means you should have a personal investment in not causing me any more stress!"

"You think it's stressful for you? You're not the one running an imaginary Boston Marathon every other weekday!" Desmond scoffed, and laid his head down on the table in such a way as to still be able to give Ezio the stink eye.

"You know that isn't how I meant it. I just wish I could convince you to stay safe." Ezio rocked his chair back, and set his heels on the corner of the table. "At the very least, until we have some kind of answer as to when these episodes occur, or why."

Desmond gave a deep, shuddering sigh. "What if we never get any such answer? What little I know about bleeds is that I originally got them from using the Animus. Except now, I've somehow traveled back through time, so who even knows what kind of effects that could cause."

Ezio pressed a finger to his forehead. "Wait a moment. What is the Animus?"

"Seriously? It's the device that showed me your memories. We talked about this a few days ago."

Ezio removed his feet from the table and sat upright, eyeing Desmond suspiciously. "And when was this again, exactly?"

"Why? I. . . I guess it was four days ago, now, so Thursday? I remember it was raining."

Ezio bit his lip and grimaced, then giving a deep exhale placed a gentle hand on Desmond's leg. "I had a contract in Forlì that day."

"No, no. You're kidding." Desmond pushed off of the table and sank down into the wooden chair, as if it could absorb the impact of this new revelation for him. Ezio couldn't have imagined Desmond getting any paler, but he had. "No. No no no no no Ezio I -"

"Hey, it's alright, you're alright, I just need you to breathe." Desmond was badly shaken by this point, and his legs had given out, leaving him sinking to the floor. Ezio grabbed hold of his shoulders, trying to ease his downward descent.

Desmond's voice cracked. "No, no, it's not alright!" He grabbed Ezio back, desperate for some kind of tether. "How can you stand there and tell me it's alright, just after telling me that you may not even be here!?!?"

"I am here, though. I'm here." Ezio wrapped his arms tightly around Desmond, holding him as close as he possibly could. What else could he do? "Just try to breathe."

And so the two sat there, as the candle burned down to a stump. Slowly, Desmond's shaking turned to shuddered breathing, which turned to deep breaths.

Ezio rubbed Desmond's shoulders. "It may not be much longer until daybreak. Do you think you are ready to try for some sleep?"

Desmond slumped forward, burying his face in Ezio's chest. "Honestly? I think I'm too exhausted to make it to bed. Here seems fine."

Ezio chuckled. "For you, perhaps, but I am a creature of comfort." With one of his arms still wrapped around Desmond's back, he slid the other one under Desmond's knees and stood up, carrying him off towards the bunks.

Desmond wrapped his arms around Ezio's neck. "My hero," he sleepily crooned.

"Don't sing my praises just yet, amò." Ezio shifted Desmond's weight, fumbling to turn the doorknob. "I may expect you to return the favor one day."

"What?!" Desmond gasped, playing up the dramatics. " 's not fair, you're much bigger than I am!"

"Is that meant as a compliment or an insult?"

"I dunno yet." Desmond yawned. "I'll decide later, when I need one or the other."

Soon enough, they both had clambered into bed, and were able to get some much needed sleep.

-----

Desmond spent the next few days occupying himself in the base. Besides helping sort through the dispatching of contracts, he got caught them caught up on some long overdue weapons orders and offered advice to whatever young assasin might come knocking. This was his favorite task. It was a reminder of a simpler time, of when he could stand behind a bar and just chat with people about whatever was ailing them. Except this was a little more murder-y. But having been a bartender in New York, it was not so much more murder-y as one might think.

But all the same, he was beginning to feel cooped up. And so he went to seek audience with the Mentorè, about perhaps being allowed on a group mission of some form.

There were two novices already in Ezio's office, a boy and a girl. They were likely discussing the details of an upcoming contract. Having already opened the door, Desmond knocked on the doorframe. Ezio waved him in.

"What can I do for you, Desmond?" Ezio propped his elbows up on the desk and clasped his hands, resting his chin on top of them.

"Oh, it can wait. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt." Desmond glanced over at the novices, who in fairness, seemed unperturbed.

"So can this. Please, continue." Ezio leaned back in the chair, and the two young assassins stepped to the side.

Desmond cleared his throat. "With your permission, Mentorè," On this word he did a slight bow. Ezio rolled his eyes. "I would wish to be sent on a mission. As part of a group, of course," He hastened to add. "It's just. . . I don't do well feeling confined. And I'm about ready to go stir-crazy in here."

One of the novices smirked. "Is that different from the regular crazy somehow?" He asked. Desmond gave a dry, mocking laugh in response, but then turned back to Ezio and. . . Oh shit.

Desmond always knew that Ezio Auditore da Firenze was a dangerous man. He knew of all his great conquests, and had seen the fear in the eyes of his enemies. And yet somehow, to see the master assassin here and brimming with fury, it felt like the first time he really understood how terrifying such a man could be.

The other novice slapped the first upside the head, and then grabbed him by the wrist. "Thank you for the advice, Mentorè. We will send word as soon as we complete our task," She said, dragging him out the door, which closed firmly behind them.

Ezio took a deep breath, and settled back into his seat.

Desmond shuffled his feet. "Hey, so umm, you wouldn't have actually murdered that kid, right?"

"Fortunately, we will not have to find out." Ezio shot what he assumed was a comforting smile up at Desmond (it wasn't) and then rifled through some papers on his desk. "I actually have a mission that should suit you just fine. It should be straightforward, a matter of some scouting and interrogating a handful of people. There will be two others with you, and you will cover a fair bit of ground. Benè?" Ezio handed over a map with a few directions and way points marked on it.

Desmond nodded. "Yeah, benè. Thank you, Ezio."

"You're welcome. You leave in an hour. And Desmond," He continued, once Desmond had turned to leave. "I know you are highly skilled, but do still be careful."

"I will." Desmond walked back over to Ezio, then kissed him on the cheek and winked. "I promise."

Ezio kicked his boots up on the desk. "Oh, you are such a flirt."

"Well, I come by it honestly." And with that, Desmond left to make preparations.

-----

Desmond was sitting atop a window dormer, watching the surrounding area as another assassin prepared to 'talk to' a gang member in the alleyway below. A third assassin was perched on another neighboring rooftop, similarly spying for any potential complications. This was the method they had all decided on, and it had been working quite well. One person would go to meet the target, and the other two would remain above: out of sight so as to not cause any alarm, but close enough to drop into the fray should anything go awry. This was the last one on their list, and then they could all go back and herald their mission as a success.

He scanned the skyline. Besides the other assassin (whose name he had learned was Achille), there was no one visible up here. He peered down into the street. Piera (visible in blue) had just cornered in on the gang member (visible in gold). One or two of their targets had been willing to part with their information before it came to blows, but such instances were few and far between. Piera gave a quick display of her hidden blade, just to make her intentions and alliances clear.

As was typical, the conversation started with an exchange of thinly-veiled threats. "Next will come the unveiled threats, and then the diet violence," Desmond mused to himself.

The target started shouting. Desmond thought he heard another voice. He scanned the rooftops again, and this time saw a pair of guards off in the distance behind him. He looked back at Achille, who did not seem to react. "This again," Desmond muttered under his breath. He shifted to the right, and the guards were gone from his line of sight. "Please let that fix it." He turned back to watching the alley.

"You belong down in the street with the rest of the filth!" The voice was still distant, but it was definitely louder this time.

Desmond sighed. He turned to look behind himself, and saw the two guards from before making their way over, and a third guard climbing up behind them. "Just ignore them, and they'll go away," He said to himself. He turned back to the alleyway.

"Get down off this roof, or I will throw you off myself!"

Desmond scoffed. "I'd like to see you try. I think I'm finished throwing myself off of rooftops because of figments of my twisted imagination."

He heard another shout. This one wasn't from the target, or the illusory guard, but from Achille. "Desmond, look out!"

Desmond spun around, but not quickly enough, because a boot impacted him squarely in the chest, and he fell from the roof.

He desperately reached out, trying to grab hold of something to hang from. His right hand caught the wooden paneling of the window he was sitting above, but the wooden beam was brittle and snapped off, splintering under his fingernails. He yelled, and was unable to grab hold anywhere else.

Desmond's ankle rolled as he hit the ground, and he fell prone. The guard peered from the rooftop above, and apparently for the first time put together the implications of there being three hooded figures together. "Assassinos! Get them!" Well, so much for subtlety.

Piera ran over to help Desmond to his feet, and the gang member bolted. Desmond shook his head, and pulled himself up. "Don't worry about me, I can handle a few guards. Don't let the target get away!" He turned to face the building he had fallen from. The guards were already descending. He shifted his weight, and winced. Running's not an option. He readied his blade.

Desmond lunged at the first guard to get his boots on the ground. He hadn't yet pulled his sword, so Desmond easily grabbed hold of him, sliding the hidden blade between his ribs. Unfortunately, the next two landed with their swords already drawn, and Desmond could hear more footsteps fast approaching. "Shit, how many of you are there?"

He heard a shriek from above, and looked up just in time to dodge a guard falling from the rooftop, an arrow lodged in his chest. He landed with a dull, wet thud. Desmond spared a glance up towards Achille, who was already nocking another arrow. "Oh, this should be a peace of cake, then."

Desmond crossed blades with the two guards closest to him, parrying and deflecting their attacks. One of them leaped forward with an arcing swing of their sword. Desmond dodged under and to the side of the swing, then came around behind the off-balance guard, slitting his throat.

Another shriek, another thud. Desmond easily dispatched his next opponent, sweeping him off his feet and then skewering him where he fell. But the next guards approached together, and Desmond had to shift his focus to defense again.

Shriek, thud. One of the guards tried to bring his sword down on Desmond's head, who used both blades to intersect it. In the sword's reflection, Desmond saw another guard coming from behind him. "I've got you now, assassino!" Desmond shoved his current attacker off and spun around, swinging his blade in a wide arc. But as soon as his blade hit the guard's chest, he disappeared into mid-air.

Desmond growled. "Are yOU KIDDING ME!?!?!"

Shriek, thud.

A low chuckle from one of the guardsmen. "Jumping at shadows, boy? Ready for someone to put you out of your misery?" Desmond turned on his heel and lunged for the unlucky dastard's face, plunging both of the hidden blades deep into his eyesockets.

What few guards remained turned tail and ran.

Shriek, thud. Desmond turned once again to Achille, who was now clambering down the building, bow in hand. "They were already running, y'know."

Achille landed on the street, and shrugged. "They picked the fight. The least they could do is have the decency to see it through."

Desmond chuckled, then rubbed his shoulder. "Well, whether Piera caught the target or not, by now, she'll be heading back to base. We should be, too." He looked down at his swelling ankle. "No crazy parkour shit though."

-----

Ezio was pacing back and forth across the wooden floor, combing his hand through his hair. Piera had gotten back with her report on the mission two hours ago. He had already sent ten otherwise idle assassins out searching for Desmond, and he was deliberating about sending more.

"He has returned!" Came a voice from the door.

Ezio raced to the door. His stomach lurched when he saw Desmond, covered in blood and limping, except. . . He was also smiling? There he was, covered head-to-toe in blood, and grinning ear-to-ear!

"Desmond? Are you. . ." He looked Desmond up and down. Bloody. Beaming. "Did you hit your head?"

"Ezio!" Desmond threw his arms up wide, flinging blood on the assassins unfortunate enough to be standing near him. "No, I'm just fine! Well, I wrecked my ankle, but not nearly so much as I wrecked all of the guards!"

Ezio laughed. "So, you determined that what you needed was catharsis, and that any guard would suffice?"

"Well no, actually," Desmond responded a bit sheepishly. "I let them get the drop on me, believing they weren't real."

Ezio very abruptly stopped laughing. "You WHAT -"

"Can we discuss it later? I know it's a problem, but I'm currently riding a high, and I would like to enjoy it."

Ezio started to object, but instead wrapped an arm over Desmond's shoulders. "Later then." He lifted his arm, and stared in horror at the gloopy mess now dripping from it. "Dio mio, someone needs to give you a bath."

Desmond smirked. "Are you volunteering?"

-----

I don't ever think of myself as a creative person, so I am ABSOLUTELY blaming @sulfies that I have done this again, lol. I hope you enjoyed though! Much less bleed effect whump this time around, and much less re-reading to check that it makes sense, lol. Hyperfixation + insomnia = I wrote another story, but now it's a quarter to six in the morning and I may low-key hate myself tomorrow (today?). Thanks for reading!

[marciabrady]

Idk if it's a generation thing with zoomers being clueless about what the Disney fandom was like before they got into it but I've seen so many people deny that anyone was ever presenting faux feminist critiques of the princesses, esp Walt's girls. But I don't even understand why they deny it, it's become a huge phenomenon you still see today and it takes only 5 seconds to use Google and find thousands of articles, memes, videos, comments, etc calling the girls weak and sexist. I feel it stems from these fans just not caring about the particular princesses who tend to be hated on and don't notice the unfair hate because their focus has always been on the popular, safe princesses (ie Mulan or Moana or whoever). If any of that makes sense lol. Just wondering your thoughts!

There's a very apt characterization of what occurred and it definitely comes down to a few things. The first being that a lot of these people didn't really have a strength of sentiment, one way or the other, for the original girls and just kind of assumed and inherited a lot of the misogynistic undercurrents in those contemporary, popular social criticisms that were parading around as feminism. I think a lot of those people pretended to have that passionate, spirited outlook on why Walt's girls were reductive somehow, while never really having had that opinion themselves. Most of those people didn't really spend much time consuming or thinking about their films, but did so because they felt it aligned themselves with being progressive or having a good social image.

There are some people that genuinely did seem to have seen those movies at least once and continued to carry that outlook, but it never really seems to be rooted in anything we see in the films themselves. Those people tend to just view every woman that was prominent prior to the 1960s with the same reductive paint-stroke and feel they were all victims of being socialized in a different time (which is so stupid lol if it weren't for the women that lived in that era, we never would have gotten the social movements we have today, nor the progress we have in each of them; but many people have told me "all woman born before the 1950s are inherently sexist because they're victims of what the system was like" which...). Then, there are people who- again- have seen these movies, but tend to condemn Walt's girls and pin them as a symbol of everything that was anti-feminist of that time, as opposed to actually judging them for the contents of their character. I'll never forget a book I bought at a used store called "Where the Girls Are," because it talked about female representation in the media and harked back to one of my favorite film titles. I was shocked when I read the book and it talked about how Cinderella in such shallow, mean-spirited terms. It brought up so many questions...the author writes that Cinderella had to be attractive, but wasn't allowed to be vain or spend a good deal of her film primping in front of mirrors- and I uploaded a good deal of screencaps to the contrary, but then it ran through my mind...if the author had been aware of that side of Cinderella, she probably would've condemned that too and called her materialistic or looks-obsessed. So it isn't really about what Cinderella herself did or was, but ultimately the author must've just held her up as an unfair expectation of what she, as a woman, was meant to live up to and made Cinderella a figure of all of her childhood frustration. That tends to be the case with a lot of boomers that grew up with Cinderella, and even kids today that write sympathetic backstories for blatantly abusive characters, like Anastasia; they emphasizing with her, despite all of her privilege and the atrocities she's committed, because she would be conventionally unattractive in our world and they project onto her what she must feel and what her lived experience would be, while discounting Cinderella- because she's conventionally attractive in our world- as being shallow or having privilege. It really is a fascinating study of how people view the world, which can be surmised through their view of the characters and how they react to them.

Which, and I have to make this note, but I'll truly never understand how Cinderella, the story about a female orphan who suffered abuse her entire life and continues to build a community and resources for herself so that she can escape and transcend her circumstances, has been painted through history to be a story about women being meek and staying in their place and being complacent and perpetuating so many patriarchal ideals about marrying rich and feminine beauty??? Especially when that wasn't Cinderella's goal, but the goal of the stepsisters who are always putting themselves in competition with Cinderella and are actively wanting to marry money and take a much greater delight in material riches.

[realcatalina]

More mystery with portraits of Hasburgs

These two paintings are located in different museums, but are believed to be once a part. Currently they are labelled currently as Philip of Austria and Margaret of Austria, 1483, by Master of Legend of Magdalene.

And it's kind of a problem. Because at least the boy doesn't look like early work of this artist at all! Not even remotely close.

So other artists have been suggested instead, and for example the girl's has been most recently labelled as by Pierre Coustain.

Which doesn't make any sense either. Because while this was court artist in Burgundy, he specialized in making coat of arms and flags, sculptures etc. Like we can speculate on Pierre Coustain's involvement in these portraits(figures by Pieter van Coninxloo):

But only about the coats of arms. This guy wasn't portraitist.

...And you know me, I am nitpicker. I my motto is:

Never trust period label...because often times they are added centuries later.

So of course I checked the labels. On first glance, they seem as very genuine. This form of letters was around in 15 and 16th century.

...So I needed some help reading it, but luckily on wikipedia it was in description of paintings.

Girl's:

Gedaen Int Jaer ons here 1483 tsinen v en Jaerre/FAT LAN M.IIII.C.IIII.XX ET TROIS QUE LORS AUOIT TROIS ANS ET TROIS MOIS)

This was created in 1483 and she is 3 years and 3 months old.

(Very specific...oddly so.)

Gedaen Int Jaer ons here 1483 tsinen v en Jaerre / Fat Lan m. III c. IIII xx. z trois ou ve. an de son eage.

Once again it says year 1483, but that Philip is 3 or 5 years old.

Like how does nobody question this? You cannot be specific to month with girl, and not know how old the boy was!

Unless the label is not original at all! And likely not even done in 15th century. Because at those days, labels weren't really popular. They took off mainly in 16th century. And given the amount of mistakes I doubt Margaret nor Philip were even alive when this occured.

Because have they been, somebody would take greater care in getting it correct!

(And, If the text is from much later it is damn well-made.)

So if text is untrust-worthy, the dating of 1483 is also untrust-worthy, and then we cannot even be sure it is Philip or Margaret!

And though the boy doesn't fit Master of Legend's early work, he damn sure looks very alike to his late work! (1510-1527)

But then these kids cannot be royals from Netherlands. This is not its fashion from 16th century. We have portraits of Philip's kids raised in Netherlands, we know what they wore.

And while, yes the girl's hat looks bit like 1460-1470s male hats worn in netherlands, girls didn't wore this I checked. And given Netherlands were already back then northern capital of painters. It's very unlikely it wouldn't appear in art of that time from that country.

So possibly these are foreign royalty. But whom?

Well, artist started working around 1480/1490 and stopped about 1527. (Assuming we have correct artist.)

And the boy wears order of golden fleece around his neck. And clearly he is not adult. List of knights of Order of Golden fleece is on wikipedia and it includes when people got it and their birth year.

So finding people who got it before age of 15 in corrrect timeframe wasn't that hard.

Six candidates:

Philip of Austria (who it is currently identified as)

Henry VIII

Charles V

Ferdinand I, Holy Roman Emperor

Louis II, King of Bohemia and Hungary

Philibert of Chalon

But at age of 14 and 13, Henry VIII and Philibert are simply too old...to be depicted here. And Louis II's sister was older than he. And we know what Charles and his sisters raised in Netherlands wore.

Thus if not Philip and Margaret, the only other valiable option is Ferdinand and Catherine of Austria.

(if the list of candidates was complete...)

And it just so happens that if you put correct dimensions to these(in cm), and put them in order of birth, they don't look so weird...

Potentially this might have once been full set of siblings.

Done firstly around 1507(first four)

and rest after 1515, when Ferdinand became the member of the order.

...And if we compare what the girl wears with spanish fashion, then at least in examples from 1490s similiar hats were popular(not as much raised, but we always see them on adults. Maybe then the raise is not so high, and traluscent veils of this kind even much later(those are with cofia de tranzado)...this shape of neckline, also very popular in Spain at least around turn of the century.

In my research into iberian fashion, i didn't go that much into fashion after 1505(not in debt) and it's not ideal that I point to examples about 20 years prior to when I think it might be.

But it is a possibility, and would explain the resemblence.

...

However then we have to assume 2 more possibilities.

A) the list of knights of order of fleece was not complete...and we're missing candidates...and then once again, where does the fashion point us?...Spain in case of girl...

B) But what if the boy and girl don't belong together?

What if they just had same background(popular in Burgundian/Netherlandish court from 1450? to about 1507)

and same dimensions(by chance, or they were later cut to make them same dimensions)?

(C)what if both options? L)ist wasn't complete and boy and girl don't belong together?

Well, the boys who got orders of golden fleeces as kids were usually royalty, with whom Hasburgs had friendly relationship.

Only other option already not covered, would be either Christian II of Denmark-but he was made member in 1519-so he is on the list, as adult...

or John, Prince of Asturias and Girona. He married Margaret of Austria, in 1497 and died that same year. And Joanna married Philip of Austria in 1496.

We know Margaret's portraits were created in early to mid 1490s, likely to be sent to Spain, and probably Philip's also.

But what if Spanish send reply? And Hasburgs send their own painter, to paint Spanish royal children? That would also explain resemblence to Joanna's children. Because boy would have to be her brother, and girl Joanna herself.

Again, the boy seems to be later work of the master, but it was a workshop. It is possible one of its member simply became more prominent later in workshop's lifetime and it happened to be him who was sent to paint the boy.

And i cannot get further than this. Dendrology would be helpful here.

However as these portraits have year upon them, the institutions who own them think they have the correct date already. We can only hope they decide to test it anyway.

[meadowlarkx]

Explore my bookshelf!

Tagged by @searchingforserendipity25 @jouissants and @swanmaids! Thank you so much 💕💕

An estimate of how many physical books I own: I really have no idea especially because they're not all in one place right now. Maybe 200-300? Hmm. A lot (to me)

Favorite author: Tolkien right now? Ursula Le Guin? I really like Sarah Waters and as a wee lass I really adored Patrick Rothfuss. Umm. I realize I usually tend to pick stuff to read from individual authors based on their premise instead of going through an author's repertoire. Sorry, authors. But it's genuinely hard for me to pick a favorite since they all strike different notes! Fandom writers I've known past and present also loom large here for me.

A popular book I've never read and never intend to read: Hmm maybe The Locked Tomb? The vibes just seem too ironic for me. But I might still read it sometime, it just hasn't grabbed me yet. Probably also Discworld. Sorry to everyone.

A popular book I thought was just meh: The Song of Achilles... Whoops. Anyway, I found some aspects of the writing style lovely, but as a story and a retelling it majorly fell flat for me.

Longest book I own: Les Misérables probably, or one of the big compiled editions of Shakespeare or Austen

Longest series I own all the books to: Hmm, I think A Song of Ice and Fire from my fan days in high school—but kinda by accident (I'd already read the last books on ebook when I was gifted them). Still surprises me to think I do actually own all of those tomes in hard copy

Prettiest book I own: Mariana and the Merchild... yes it's a children's picture book. And you've almost certainly heard me bring it up sometime. Lesbian-coded child-rearing of my heart. Look at the pictures!

A book or series I wish more people knew about: As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann—imagine a fictional microhistory that's also a darkly painted yet tender and gripping gay romance that's also about utopian experiments and the English Civil War. When Fox is a Thousand by Larissa Lai—this book is a dream, a messy and confusing dream, but I recommend it to everyone ever! Chinese folklore and mythology, queer and sapphic-ness, through time and space from ancient China to modern-day immigrant communities in Canada—so touching and really beautiful. Many moments from this one still stick in my brain.

Series: The Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud—OK, it's been a while since I read this in full, and I just said I don't always like irony and these books are crammed full of silly little jokes and targeted towards a younger audience, BUT just thinking about them makes me tear up with emotion. Ages-old wry shapeshifting djinni, snotty-kid-becomes-politician, and hardened girl from the underclass navigate an alternate magical-spirits-powered British imperialism. It's queer and incisive TO ME.

Nonfiction: A Biography of No Place by Kate Brown, about borderland villages in Soviet Ukraine and the drastic changes in structures/social organization and identities that occurred from 1920-1950. Poorly said but I just think the perspective this book takes is unique and insightful and empathic and everyone should read it.

Book I'm reading now: The Bandit Queens and Lays of Beleriand. In theory I'm reading them hell yeahhh

Book that's been on my TBR list for a while but I still haven't got around to it: Invisible Cities by Italo Calvino and The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison. I checked both of these out to read over the summer and renewed them like 3 times and did I read them... no I did not. Also a bunch more are on the TBR but you know how it is

Do you have any books in a language other than English: La Reine Margot in French is the one I tried seriously to read in recent times, but I have some others in French and Spanish, mostly from high school. 1 in Czech (a copy of With Fire and Sword I have from @sparklingdali for the pictures ❤️). Polish With Fire and Sword & The Deluge pdfs & a couple of physical books ambitiously in Polish, emphasis on the ambition part.

Paperback, hardcover, or ebook? Ideally I check out whatever version the library has. I prefer physical copies and I guess paperbacks, but I'll do ebooks if I have to! At this point I try to only actually buy (hopefully secondhand) books I think I'm really going to want to keep, because I already have too many to move with

Tagging @themelodyofsilence @nibi-nix @tuulikki @sparklingdali @bachaboska if you'd like to do this, and anyone else who hasn't done it yet!

[lurking-latinist]

reviving a meme I previously got from @swinging-stars-from-satellites

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

158 (one currently unrevealed).

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

103,185. I cracked 100k recently!

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

All the Doctors Who + Gallifrey + Iris Wildthyme + The Time Travellers + GoR etc.; Ancient Greek Religion & Lore; WtOVPIC; Blake’s 7; Dracula; Discworld; Windrose Chronicles & Sun-Cross series also by Barbara Hambly (one crossover); All Creatures Great and Small; Lost at Christmas, heaven help me. That makes nine as I count it. Most only for one small thing or crossover.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

Skipping kudos bot victims:

Ms Smith (13 and Sarah, fun with fake names)

don’t worry, he’s with me (Ten and Donna five-times-fic)

Vicarious (Six & Martha drabble)

Time Flies Like an Arrow (witches fly on a broomstick) (Discworld, Lancre Witches, having a philosophical conversation about time) (I have come to detest this title but I’m glad people enjoyed the fic)

to all our nights and days to come (Seven/Romana Time War AU)

It’s helpful to include extremely popular, well-known characters in your fics. Or, apparently, to write a slightly darker twist on your rarepair OTP and happen to plug it one day on a relevant popular post.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

I do, because I love getting comments and I am always genuinely grateful to hear that someone has enjoyed my work!

6. A fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Wow, last time I did this meme I said it was That Which We Call. That’s changed. It might actually be to all our nights and days to come, or else one of the Six-post-Trial ones.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Apparently! But not much, and not well.

8. Ever received hate on a fic?

Nope, touch wood.

9, Do you write smut?

Not my thing.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

11. Ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! @sci-firenegade translated Making History into Portuguese! It is so cool.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Sort of, with Moki! We more tend to write sequels to each other’s stuff, but we also have listed ourselves as co-authors on a couple of things.

13. All time fav ship?

Seven/Romana.

14. WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Never say die! Probably the Eight/Charley babyfic AU, though. If I go back to it it’ll be as a very different writer and I’ll probably want to rework what exists and it’ll be technically a different fic.

15. Writing strengths?

Character voices & dialogue. Also, focalization. I always know what A thinks of B and what B notices about A, which is hilarious as I absolutely do not know any of this in real life.

16. Writing weaknesses?

Used to be length; I’m still very brief but I feel like I have more control over the length of a fic now. Like it comes out more or less the length I expect it to; I can tell what size something’s gonna be. Probably now I would just say plot. I’m not great at Things Occurring. And like everybody else I get hung up on how to describe basic actions like walking across a room.

17. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Don’t do it if you can’t get the other language right (as well as how code-switching actually tends to work). Also, translation convention exists for a reason. Probably don’t pull an ‘opening lines of War and Peace’ unless you are in fact Tolstoy, in which case you don’t need my writing advice. Nothing inherently wrong with it though.

18. First fandom you wrote for?

Officially, DW. Unofficially, probably something as a kid before I knew fandom existed. Redwall or something.

19. What’s your fav fic you’ve written so far?

to all our nights and days to come, probably.

Not tagging anyone, but memes are for stealing!

[unnamed-axolotl]

Hey, everyone. I was made aware of the callout post made by @/antimennard on Instagram, and I wanted to share my side of the story, so everyone has all the facts and are well-informed.

Please do not harass anyone mentioned in this post.

TW/CW: grooming/manipulation, proshipping/incest

I'll address things in order of occurence. I've gone back and looked at some dates to get the most accurate timeline possible.

The Steven x Spinel allegations are a very serious thing, I agree. This was late 2019, early 2020 - I was 15 or so at the time, and I was in a group that was kind of organized by a person named Nano. She was an adult, and the group was full of minors and adults. The adults of the group were actively sharing NSFW, and were encouraging and allowing minors to do the same. We all thought it was okay, because we were kids. We, collectively, were actively groomed into thinking it was okay.

I posted the things I created because I was never told not to (not by parents, friends, family, nobody), and I was too young to know any better or realize that it was wrong myself.

After a while, a few of the members started to realize how disgusting the situation was. Members of the group were now actively agreeing that what they were drawing was incest. Me and another person, who I will not name for privacy, left around the same time, I believe. If you look at Nano's account (which I believe is still under @/what_the_fudge_nano or something along those lines), she IS a proshipper, and proudly so. She didn't have a label put on herself when I was associated with her, and I only saw it recently, maybe a few weeks to a month ago, when I went back to make sure I'd blocked her. I have cut her and other adults from that server off completely, and the accounts that I posted Steven/Spinel stuff on, as far as I'm aware, are out of my access. I have deleted them.

I will be going back to my account and doing a delete spree, because now I realize there are most definitely things that remain on the account that shouldn't be public.

That was, I think, the end of my experience with the SU fandom as a whole, actually. I didn't stay in it for long, especially after the show ended. I am not proud of what I did in the slightest, and I think I just suppressed all of it in hopes that I'd forget about it. I genuinely don't know why I didn't go delete things. I knew I was uncomfortable with everything, so I'm honestly, genuinely confused with my past self for that. At a point, I suppose I figured that the posts were old and buried enough that they'd never see the light of day again, so I just didn't go back and delete them. I acknowledge now that this was not smart in the slightest, and so I have gone and done that.

Moving on... When I was 16 or so, in and around 2021, I got into FNaF again after being out of the fandom for a long time. At this point in time, I'm sure you know, Gacha FNaF content was making a surge in popularity, and that was my re-introduction into the fandom.

Mennard was something that was incredibly popular at the time in the Gacha FNaF community, and since that was my main input for FNaF content at the time, that's what I locked onto. I did draw it, and I did post it, and I am NOT proud of it now. I bring that phase up as a joke sometimes, because I figured it was just one of those "haha cringey phases", but I have been informed now that it makes others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for the damage I've caused through this. I will not bring it up anymore.

I understand and am fully aware that this is not an excuse, but I feel it is worth mentioning at this time that I am autistic. I was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder when I was young, and I have been due for reassessment for years. My IEP states that I have a learning disability. I feel like I have mentally aged and matured slower than others. Again, I know this isn't an excuse, but rather maybe an explanation as to why my brain worked the way it did and still does. Still, I'm sorry.

Later on, as I matured some more, I began feeling weirded out by the concept of the ship, and the things I was making, and so I stopped. I moved onto other things. I do not ship or feel comfortable in the slightest with Mennard anymore.

Occasionally I will draw the two together as friends or found family; anyone that knows me knows I hate sad or bad endings, so I just put them in situations where everything is okay. However, I would like to make it clear that I do NOT see them in the way I used to.

The callout post mentions that I liked art recently that was posted by a Mennard shipper on Tumblr and Instagram. I'm going to be incredibly and totally honest with you; I did not realize. There was one that I liked on Instagram that had the mennard and michaelxennard tag, and I didn't even see that tag. I was simply scrolling through the Ennard tag at the time and liking things I thought were cool.

Regarding the posts that are still up, I have deleted a good few of them, but I will be going back and purging everything that I have not yet deleted. I apologize, sincerely, for leaving them up for so long. I'm not sure why I never deleted them, but I will be actively doing that as soon as this is posted.

Finally, I would like to apologize for any stress or harm that I have caused to either involved fandom, or any people involved. I genuinely hope to move past this, as I believe I have genuinely improved myself and grown from this over the years.

I do not have a grudge or sense of anger against the creator of the callout post. I understand that you and others were uncomfortable, and I am sorry for making you all feel that way. All of this happened a long time ago, and I assure you and everyone that things have changed, and I do NOT indulge in any of these things anymore.

Thank you for reading. Please let me know if there's anything else I haven't touched upon or if you have any questions at all.

[saraa-lancee]

If you don't mind, I think I've had a minor Epiphany about Gender and Names and I'm just gonna....

I've honestly really always hated my name. Not like in a visceral way but like. It just doesn't Feel Correct. It's Not Me in a way I can't explain.

I've felt this way since literally forever. As a kid, my brain rationalized it in a few ways.

It's a very popular name-- i was one of many. It was *the* popular name in my cohort until I got to high school. I don't know if that area was just booming with Raechels (and all 100 ways to spell it) or what. I feel like most little kids probably wouldn't love being one of like 10. It brings practical problems (are they talking to me? About me? Am I supposed to respond) but also like. Why does everyone (except for Ben and Ben) else get their own name, I guess. I don't know, I was in elementary school. But i always said I hated my name because it was so popular.

Then, I just hated it because of the way its spelled. I used to get teased about it. I don't think it was outright bullying because it wasn't ever genuinely mean but it still hurts when it happens a lot, y'know. It's technically spelled phonetically but everyone else spells it at least five different ways but mine was the Weird Way that nobody had ever seen. They'd seen Rachel and Racheal and Rachell and Raychel and whatever. But whenever other kids saw my name, they would make fun of how it's spelled. They'd intentionally say it wrong even though they knew I got upset (hell, some people still do that). They would say it wrong and say it wrong and it upset me and tease me for my "name being spelled wrong". (Like, It's not actual bullying but to this day when just about every one asks "is it pronounced Rachel or Rachelle" I flinch and i hate it. It's a professional setting and I was never even *actually* bullied but I still hate it).

Like, it's easy to say well obviously I don't like my name because it's common or it's irritating that everyone misspells or mispronounces my name (I'm side-eyeing you, DMV guy who took four tries to get it right). But at the end of the day, you don't actually really hate your name in those situations-- you hate your name being wrong. The name itself is fine. But for me, I realized recently that the problem wasn't just the irritation-- it was the name itself.

Like, when I think of myself, I've never ever thought my name matched, y'know? It's so hard to explain l but I'm hoping somebody might get it. Like, the name has always felt wrong on my tongue, on my lips. Ever since I was a child I just remember this feeling of "I'm not Raechel".

I went through a brief period recently of "i don't hate it, I just need to reframe it! I share a name with Rachel Carson, someone who was very important in Eagle conservation (something that is important to me)." But then I just really came to the realization that... I don't. I don't because *im not a Raechel*. (Any way you spell it)

I used to collect names (in a non-writer way) as a kid. Names I liked-- names I liked the sound of. Based on nothing, really. Susan. Margo. Carmen. Just characters in books or whatever. And I used to almost... try them on for myself. Whisper them and repeat them in my head and Think of them. But they weren't Right. And it felt a bit frustrating because My Name was Wrong and I couldn't find one that I thought felt better-- like shoe shopping but all they have is half sizes in the wrong direction. So I grew up, went to high school, and it was Whatever. Fuck it.

But now... I think I've always just been Like This and My Name just Didn't Match.

So I collected and tried on Girls Names because I was a Girl (just a bizzare Girl) and maybe I didn't like my name but I'd find one, as you do. As an autistic person, I think it just literally didn't occur to me at the time to consider "boy names" (black and white thinking and all). The concept of "other" or breaking a Labeled Box just didn't occur to me.

But a few months ago (maybe), something just snapped and the name Soren popped into my head. And I haven't been able to ignore it since. There's just... something about it.

At the end of the day, the name Soren has a lot of personal meaning to me, right from childhood. Maybe I'll decide it doesn't fit after all, who knows 🤷 Maybe it doesn't represent All of Me, but it definitely represents a Part of Me. (I don't think that makes any sense either but I digress).

So yeah, I've disliked my name because It's Not Me but I don't hate it because it Represents me. For now, I think I like Soren. I don't know, and I might decide later. I've never even had the courage to do the Starbucks thing (I am working woth social anxiety here) I don't know how I'm going to do this going forward (irl, etc) but for now, I Am Soren in some weird way I was never Raechel.

[bonnieventure]

10 facts for 28 ! ^.^

📛1️⃣ | '28' is how she chose to enter the competition, in a moment of glancing at her date of birth already filled out + thinking 'oh this is maybe silly haha i shouldn't use my actual name' and it just never came up a moment or need yet to correct it. she goes by '2' as a nickname

👗2️⃣ | her style of fashion is preppy, academic, skimpy, with a little bit of girly groove...?! default go-to outfit is a crop top, plaid skirt, and go go boots. wardrobe is mainly pink, white, red, & orange. hair is naturally brown, and she dyes the ends in a 'once-trendy' blonde ombre

💁‍♀️3️⃣ | to describe her in 3 characters.... marcia brady, cher horowitz, elle woods. that sort of perky driven optimist 'everything just goes my way !' personality that can range from oblivious pushy popular girl ego, while having moments of genuine sweetness, problem-solving, and wanting to do good for others

🥪4️⃣ | relationship with tuna fish sandwiches one might say comparable to popeye and his spinach...jk, gravitates towards to-go lunch time sorts of foods. always drinks a can of soda with a straw and holds food carefully like it is an insect to be observed. the first in the group to bring up meals and whine about getting something to eat, then barely has anything...!

👭5️⃣ | of everyone else she is closest to bonnie, they were best friends in childhood. she is the only person who knew 28 prior to the competition, and once again becomes a safe voice of reason to confide in like when they were kids. the person she likes least is mkay, who she struggles competing against in the job of 'influencer'. mkay holds a harshly opposite approach and perspective to the way 28 does things, so it really throws her for a loop... ! they butt heads in a way that causes her a great deal of stress

💰6️⃣ | not totally oblivious to the fact the $28,000 prize isn't a life changing amount, but she has a mixture of sunken cost fallacy and delusion of grandeur. it is more than she has ever had at once herself, and believes by fate she is destined to win it based on the crazy coincidence in amount. (hasn't thought through specifically what to do after winning, though. its the chase of proving this, specifically, was meant to happen for her)

🖤7️⃣ | develops a bit of a crush on candy (......candy crush. lol) as c starts to be a 'if you listen to me i can help you (us) win this' source of support. for better or worse they have a dynamic where they bring out the chaotic more unhinged qualities in each other when teaming up. 2 enjoys how c challenges her to Get Crazier With It

✏️8️⃣ | when she's not competing, 28 likes to doodle - her and the girls have a little 'rpg' (idk why this is my go-to reference to describe it. but think of the attic plays in little women) when bored in the evenings, they've been making up a cheesy thrillling action spy story where they each play a cliche part (hero, leading lady, villain, guy in the chair, etc.) and try to 'win' when they each go around adding another part of the story onto the pile. 2 draws these goofy plots out for fun to make the others laugh

🔮9️⃣ | her biggest flaw is being stubbornly rigid on fate, whimsy, luck, etc. if something doesn't work out how she planned, she is quick to dismiss it as not meant to be, instead of trying again. 28 views events as happening *to* her, rather than something she could have influence over 'when i win, it's because that was part of the plan' curiously she doesn't question much further 'who', then, is creating this plan for her

💭🔟 | when ghost gets in her head, it causes her perspective of reality to be sliced in half and divided up who knows where. she has no way to explain what this feels like to anyone else, how disorienting and sudden it occurs. as such she comes off increasingly spacey, forgetful, a daydreamer ditz - its an insecurity when others start to pick up on that. 2 is in great denial to others that ghost has that sort of power over her

[cartoonsarelife11]

Reblogging this again, this time with an essay (sort of) for TDKR because it has now occurred to me that it's losing. So just hear me out on this.

(Warning now that this is somewhat long and without pictures. Although I may add some later.)

Now as much as I love Weblena and Violet's introduction in Friendship is Magic as much as any other person, The Duck Knight Returns is just too powerful of an episode to compare. (Plus there's plenty of other amazing Weblena episodes that aren't as appreciated and you should definitely vote for as well)

Or you may be finding Darkwing in DT2017 fairly annoying as he gets so much screentime that could've been used for the actual show itself, and that I understand. Especially with the fact that Lets Get Dangerous is 40 minutes long and has much more going on; we don't need all the DWD episodes to win the poll, let alone this one.

However, I actually find TDKR a stronger episode than LGD. Yes, I know. And before you all murder me for that, let me explain myself on why it's so good and underappreciated

It's not just a Darkwing introduction episode (which by itself is already so so amazing), it shows DuckTales 2017's struggles of being a reboot of an old loved TV show.

There's so much symbolism behind this episode, such as LP and Starling representing the old die-hard fans who can't accept new things, and the "Darkwing: First Darkness" movie producer guy (forgot his name sob) representing the people who are just taking advantage of the old shows popularity to make something out of it only what they want it to be. But I guess Dewey and Scrooge play that role as well.

Then there's Drake, the fan of the old show who's making something new out of it, and mentions, "Look, I know this new movie's not perfect, but I really want to make it better. And maybe someday I'll inspire some other kid like me." He's not trying to ruin the show into what he thinks is best, he is a true fan who genuinely wants to make the best of something he loves. And that represents the DT2017 writers.

So go try and tell me the writers weren't using this episode to call out their experiences while working on DuckTales. This episode was definitely their way of expressing their intentions behind the reboot.

Now onto the second point. Not counting the fact that it is literally showing us what the creators intentions behind creating the show, the episode as a DWD introduction by itself is absolutely so genius.

For example, Jim Starling being NEGADUCK from the 1991 Darkwing TV show caught me so off-guard and is SO PERFECT AND FITTING. I did not see that twist coming. (I should've, though. I'm ashamed to say I didn't expect it despite the chainsaw and the other dead giveaway details). This gives us a whole new look at Negaduck, who in the original show, was merely existing to be an evil clone of Darkwing. Now he gets a more complex backstory and character just how Glomgold did!

Additionally, Drake's attitude of "get back up" was a really cool character motif that I think the original show missed the opportunity to give to their Darkwing. It may be just me, but I love this idea of Drake having this reason to be so willing to fight crime and never give up, its the extra character lore we never knew we needed.

AND HOW CAN I FORGET DRAKEPAD? (Not necessarily as a couple; I do ship them but this is not about that right now) Their dynamic here is just so powerful; no offense to the og DWD, but I prefer that DT2017 Drake and LP have something to bond over rather than the idol-worship dynamic they had in the 1991 show.

In conclusion, this episodes writing is so clever and I could spend so many more hours rambling about how good it is. It deserves to pass at least the second round. Unfortunately, this is already getting really long (also I'm on mobile and its a real pain to type :,D).

So please guys-

Vote for The Duck Knight Returns, one of DuckTales 2017's best episodes.

Do it for its brilliant writing. Do it for Darkwing's introduction into DuckTales 2017. Do it for Drakepad.

Do it for Jim.

ROUND #2

[passiveagreeable]

You ever just think back on something you did or a particular way you behaved and think. Goddamn, that was kinda metal.

In sixth grade, one popular girl in my social studies class took it upon herself to start bullying me. She and her little friends in the class all were in on it. They were constantly bothering me, she’d call me ‘best friend’ all the time (whether she even knew my name is a mystery to never be solved) and try to physically cling to me or jerk me around, ask me digging and invasive questions, try to get me to do their homework, etc. They may have also tried to trip me on a number of occasions, if memory serves. It’s been like, a good amount of time since then, more than ten years, so many of the details have faded away. But they all around made me uncomfortable, that I’ll never forget.

But here’s the thing. I genuinely didn’t realize they were bullying me. I was just confused. I thought they were being really weird and annoying, and just kinda thought they were stupid. I even helped them, sometimes, with assignments and explained class work, though I didn’t give them answers or do it for them. They never succeeded in tripping me that I recall, because I was then and am now always aware of the floor as I walk, and brushed off their split second attempts to do so as accidents. It never occurred to me to be offended or upset, or that their words and actions were supposed to be tearing me down and making me feel small and inadequate.

That’s part of why I don’t remember it vividly. Because that’s how little it really affected me, and I didn’t really carry it with me past about the seventh grade.

It was more than six years later, when I had just started college. I was in a small orientation group, and some of us had gotten together for dinner. One girl brought these question cards and we were using them to start conversation and get to know each other. And one of them asked some question about the past, I don’t know what it was.

And it hit me right then, all at once. It was the first time I had probably even thought about the whole ordeal since I left middle school. They weren’t just being dumb and joking around, they were actively trying to hurt me and make me feel bad.

It also explained why a different girl in the class, by all means also popular but in a different group of friends from these other girls, about halfway through the year very suddenly struck up a friendship with me. I was also confused by this, but she was just so nice and smart, so I wasn’t that bothered. I didn’t know why she suddenly asked to sit next to me in class and why we worked together on class work and projects. And when she was there, they didn’t bother me.

Because I didn’t see what they were doing at the time, but she did. She didn’t even know me at all, and she stopped them, I guess in probably the only way she could come up with.

But like. I can’t believe I was subconsciously such a secure kid at like 11 years old that a group of girls ganging up on me for like half of the school year just rolled off my back like water off a duck. I mean, I wasn’t like, very confident or whatever, I wasn’t that secure, but apparently I had an extremely strong sense of self worth and assurance that their every effort to tear me down every day for months just didn’t even worm it’s way into my head. Or I was just that stupid, which is also completely possible.

God, I wish I was that secure now. Or even that stupid. I’ll take whatever I can get.

[selormohene]

day 104 (sunday, october 15th 2023)

On inviting love into your life. I went to a going-away party on the Saturday of the previous post for a friend of mine who's leaving the city (and the country, and the continent, in fact) to move to Europe for work. It was quite an experience and I had many emotions, especially as I was coming off an eventful and emotional weekend (on some of which more later) and still dealing with the problem of having lost my phone (after having lost my passport!) and not knowing if, or when, I was going to get either of them back. First: there were so many people, and they all seemed to genuinely love him. And they had all come out to celebrate him in Boston, a city where people pass in and out and creating much of any community at all, much less one so large and genuinely loving, would seem impossible especially at a young age. Also, this particular person is someone whom I’d only really hung out with a total of four or five times: at the Burna Boy concert last year, at Takuya Kuroda in February, at a random event at Dawit’s (there may have been more than one of these, perhaps also pregames to something or other), at Newport Jazz, and at that event at Big Night Live, Uncle Waffles I believe it was. (I'm definitely overcounting or undercounting some of these, in particular the number of times I’ve seen him at Dawit’s or at Big Night Live.) But the point is this: just in that handful of interactions, he always made me feel welcome and I kind of did get a sense that he was just a really popular, nice guy. Like you occasionally see people on Twitter say things like "I was unpopular when I was in high school and I used to resent the popular kids, but then I hung out with one of them and I could immediately see why they were so popular.” And there's something profound about that simple and almost truistic realisation that the reason why some people are popular, the secret sauce, as it were, is simply that they're really nice, likeable and friendly.

I think the fundamental feature that struck me about him, watching him at that party and being part of it in general, although it occurs to me that this is probably just so deeply part of his experience of life that it would seem rather strange to formulate it as a background belief, rather than a given reality, was that he seemed to exude, in fact to inhabit, something that's never really been close enough to ubiquitous for me that it would go without saying: namely, an expectation that love will come into your life. Like he seems to be someone who is familiar with a large range of people, who is happy getting to know a lot of people and enjoying their company, etc. Whereas for me, due both to past experience (and probably rejection-sensitive dysphoria/weighting negative experiences much more heavily than positive ones) and to being neurotic and awkward and in my head and I guess not feeling like I’m wanted or whatever, or always having suspicions of how many people are wereys in disguise, like I feel like my social presentation is just a mess, or a maze, or a minefield, whereas for other people it’s a wide open field full of potential connections. It's like a mindset of abundance, combined with actual abundance, leading to greater abundance, versus a mindset of scarcity combined with actual scarcity leading to more scarcity, no matter how much you recognise this and how much you want to change it. Anyway this has been a source of pain for me for much of my life, but I'm not sure what to do about it. I've been embarking on this grand journey of self-transformation which is so complicated that I'm not even sure that I have a handle on it, and in fact it often feels like it's bigger than me, that I'm changing or something within me is changing me and I barely have any agency or control over the matter, and I just think I do in fleeting moments. But I really hope that this sense of expecting love to come into my life, and being able to invite it, is something that comes out of it at the end.

[kmr95]

as of february 5, 2023 2:38am eastern time I updated this post again, If you care to read my messages please do so & please share the videos or spread the message if you care to watch. I want everybody & I mean everybody or in other words obviously the 8 billion humans on this planet to know this important thing or fact of life that everything’s always been old school since I discovered this fact in 2022 & I went an ideal place the ww2 memorial in dc in 2022 to talk about this fact & the ww2 hero Alan turing. 8 billion is mind boggling an extremely tremendous amount. How much can the earth hold? Is it overpopulated? So to people who don’t speak English can translate the fact and all I am saying please. Or if people are deaf or blind or dyslexic can help them out. Some people can’t understand because they are low functioning or have severe autism or down syndrome. So not all the 8 billion humans can understand what I am saying but most can. But to other people who normal functioning most people understand what I am saying. For whatever reason some people who don’t understand that everything’s always been old school or anything I say, that is your issue. It doesn’t necessarily mean a person is mean or fake or dumb just because they don’t understand everything’s always been old school or the fact for short. Anyway I obviously know this fact will help people as knowing this fact helped me greatly in my life. Again I feel embarrassed that I didn’t know this fact when I was a kid. Maybe the fact is in our subconscious. Before I knew this fact I didn’t understand life as well as I do now. So again negative things or evil will never go away in life because everything’s always been old school or the fact for short. So of course even real or genuine people or positive things can never stop evil or negative things once and for all because again everything’s always been old school or people have free will to do negative things or evil. So positive things that I used to care about or dedicate my life to before I knew this fact such as Toy Story or Buzz Lightyear, eBay, yahoo, craigslist, of course fake people or haters or killers or bullys ruin the internet on eBay or craigslist and people get killed from let’s say a bomb or gun shot over let’s say buzz lightyear or rayman which does or can happen and I won’t be surprised if the creator of rayman or creator of toy story or Tim Allen gets swatted etc or even worse because of all that I have been saying everything’s always been old school, java, Rayman aka limbless mario but still cool he is limbless, Starbucks frapachino, this is how we do it song, Friday movie, scatman, opera browser, I cared about other people being born in 95 such as Austin Malone or post malone and Logan Paul and Leafyishere or Calvin, poppy or Moriah or kehlani etc. I cared about so many things about 1995. Windows 95 obviously doesn’t count for instance as windows was first invented in the 1980’s. Same for let’s say goosebumps or a goofy movie, goofy was created way before 95 and goosebumps existed before 95 to. Again I am an idiot for not knowing this fact or not seeing that positive things will never stop evil or negative things. How did this not occur to me? How I didn’t see it Is beyond me, For the life of me I just, yeah again I am an idiot. So the idea of entertainment is old school obviously. Entertainment has been computerized or digital. I can’t think of people born in 1995 who have nothing to do with digital or computer stuff or online popularity. I cared about the year 1995 because I was born in 1995 & I cared about 1995 being so great and everything that was created in 1995 was cool. So computers or digital stuff were not invented or established in 1995. The modern computer as we know it today was invented in world war 2. Some say Alan turing was not the only one to invent the computer but I believe and so do many people including people at Princeton that he is the 1 guy or the main guy who invented the computer. The idea of computers is old school or has been around a very long time. Precursors to computers or modern computers like analog stuff or calculators before they became computers such as the abacus. Other precursors analog stuff like punch cards or the typewriter is like a keyboard. So how real people view the fact and view or think of digital or computer stuff is old school is obviously like they say or think wow digital or computer stuff is old school and it’s been around since world war 2 or the 1940’s. How fake people or mean people or evil people or trolls or haters or bullies racist idiots etc. view or think of this is obviously like this wow computers or digital stuff are old school and have been around since world war 2 or the 1940’s ok I am going to do evil or negative stuff now like kill somebody or have a sick twisted sense of humor and create a toy story video of buzz and woody crashing into the World Trade Center and there are actually videos like this online I am not making this up. It is not funny at all you can say it is dark humor but I don’t find it funny at all and most people will agree with me. There are more videos like that not just with buzz or woody. I saw a thumbnail of one recently with rich masucci saying skip bidibop mm dada and crash into the wtc. I didn’t actually watch it obviously and if I did watch it I would genuinely dislike the video obviously. To the fake people trolls haters etc who create those videos you again seek negative attention you are not the kind of person I wanna associate with or be real friends with. Not saying you are evil or piece of human garbage  I never met you or I don’t know you I don’t know what goes on in your home life or life but you have to create a video like this because I guess you are miserable or hate your life. But you did a really negative thing. So people don’t have to care about something old school like computers or digital stuff. They are like why should I care about this old school stuff such as computers or digital stuff?

So the idea of inventing or the idea of tech or science is old school. Inventing can make life easier or better but life still will always be difficult and many other things obviously. Also So by the way video games have always been digital or a computer obviously. Obviously digital or computer are the same thing. Games started to get computerized in the 1970’s I believe. So when you simply think about it games are computerized. Non computerized games would be board games or chess checkers or card games for instance. I prefer analog games of course like chess or poker. I have yet to go to a casino in my life. I have never been to Las Vegas. I have been to Atlantic City but never went to trump plaza hotel. But of course since I didn’t know the fact when I was younger I cared about computer or digital stuff and was distracted or addicted by it almost made my mom and my siblings miss the flight to Las Vegas in 2016. I was 21 so I was old enough to go to the casino but of course I missed my opportunity. They went to Las Vegas without me. So instead of going to Las Vegas they took me to a summer camp for people with physical and developmental disabilities. Things don’t bother me as much or not at all or It doesn’t bother me anymore that I went to this camp because everything’s always been old school or the fact for short. There were kids or people there or adults that have severe autism or Down syndrome or not high functioning or physically handicapped and make loud noises not speaking English. That doesn’t bother me as much. Same thing happened when they went to my uncle chuck on my moms side in Georgia in 2015. I almost made them miss the flight then. I didn’t go to Georgia. Again If I knew the fact when I was younger my life would be different in a good way and I would not have cared for computers or digital stuff and I would have gone to Las Vegas and to Georgia and still would have gone to the autism camp as well another time. I like chess and card games. It tests your brain. Whatever is good for your intelligence or knowledge base I care to say like reading articles , news papers, or books or comic books reading anything that interests you or that you care about. I prefer to read analog stuff obviously. Well maybe not wikipedia since wikipedia is usually inaccurate. Ah Alan turing again thanks to you this is also why this digital world is imperfect I can go on and on. I have free will to have a knowledge base or care to be smart and it’s you free will to be ignorant or an idiot or douchebag, idiot or douchebag or ignorant are the same thing by the way I care to say that is my free will. Computerized or digital games would be of course video games or virtual reality. Movies became digital or computerized sometime in the 1970’s as well I believe same with music etc. CD discs, DVD discs and blu ray discs are all digital. Tapes or record players are analog. Appliances like a conventional oven or microwave are digital or computerized. Shopping is digital or computerized it’s convenient but if I want something right a way I can just simply go in store. Maps are digital or computerized aka gps. I will admit another positive of this digital world is it’s easier to travel thanks to gps. But we survived without digital or computerized stuff and we traveled by analog maps just fine. Again this digital world thanks to Alan turing is obviously not perfect. Computers or digital stuff fail or make mistakes like gps. Robots are computerized as well. Robots or auto correct can be annoying sometimes and type with great grammar. That’s how you know I am human. I type with imperfect grammar. I again prefer analog like analog typing or messaging or hand writing or postcards like hand writing  journaling or taking notes. I sent out a Washington DC postcard to a real friend Ashley Bernard and my nana recently in 2022. I prefer a phone or flip phone that is analog. Before phones became digital we had analog cell phones like the ones in the 90’s some were bulky but some were mobile or small. But I don’t think you could text on those analog cell phones which I don’t understand why. Again I wanna be an analog engineer go to school for analog or something. So I would like to engineer an analog cell phone that is small mobile and can text and even have an analog camera for analog video chat or analog selfies etc. I prefer analog video chat. Of course whether you hand write analog or type analog or type or text digitally, you can lose context. That is why people prefer talking in person or phone calling instead of texting. But again I care to be simple so I make sure people understand what I am writing or typing as best as I can. So you don’t take it out of context. Abreviations are old school. Like lol or lmfao. In 2022, I was writing about the fact or I wrote a non fiction/fiction piece about everything’s always been old school. I mention real genuine people and people who exist in real life in the story and I included the cartoon characters such as rayman buzz and woody being racist or rayman buzz lightyear woody and Sid being gay. Rayman aka Gayman lol. I know they are to really cartoon characters they are movie or video game characters but since they are fantasy I call them cartoons. I get silly with these cartoons like gayman rayman being able to balance off his strong penis lol. Most of what I say or type is what I wrote in my piece. Like talking about analog engineering I already talked about in my piece. The robots at chuck e cheese in the 1970’s I am sure were analog I am pretty sure. Even let’s say calculators are digital or a computer. So many things are digital or computerized I can go on and on. Some things may look analog but are actually digital like this Sony walkman tv tuner device and it said it has a digital tuner or certain corded land line phones look analog like a vtech so don’t be fooled. So if I were a great analog engineer again I would create something like analog wireless earphones or headphones and have great sound quality. I like audio technica ath m50 headphones and those are wired analog headphones. Even a stereo system or tv cable box that has analog ports like component or composite may look analog but has dolby digital or digital ports. If I were an analog engineer I can create a completely analog hd cable box with component or a completely analog stereo system with component. Some things have analog and digital stuff like teslas for instance. Nintendo for instance is a company that started out analog. So many things or almost everything is digital or computerized and that it’s good and bad. Does everything have to be computerized or digital such as a toilet seriously? Ah Alan Turing what have ya done? lol.

If you despise fake people or trolls or haters or spam you can thank Alan Turing for that and him creating this digital world with a lot of trolls, haters or spam etc. I dislike reading the comments on videos or posts because of trolls etc ruining the internet. Fake people or trolls or haters or bullys or spam bots etc dislike videos or dislike bomb videos. I understand why YouTube got rid of the dislikes but at the same time it wasn’t the greatest idea. People have free will to be fake. You obviously can’t force people because everybody has free will. Even laws of course can’t stop people because of free will. So even people have free will to use digital or computer stuff however they want to or what computer or digital stuff they want to use or what they wanna do with it. So obviously people have free will to not ever watch online videos or not go on YouTube. Obviously everybody does not use digital stuff. People have free will with whatever or care to do what they want with free will, free will with anything I can go on and on. Free will with using what analog stuff you wanna use. People have free will to think how they want to. For instance you have free will to think what is serious or not funny to you. Making jokes or dark humor of something serious like 9/11 or cancer or diabetes or the Oklahoma City bombing. Sadly people like Pete Davidson had lost a loved one in 9/11. I have yet to watch Pete Davidson’s comedy. Symbols are old school. Making a hashtag with something serious is not a totally negative thing. People do that to get their posts or content recognized. Also before I knew the fact when I was 23-24 years old I posted nonsense online like on Facebook twitter that made no sense. Since I didn’t know the fact back then I was bothered a lot by the news or negative or evil awful things like the Austin bomber and it got to me a lot and I cared about mental health back then so I was pretending to be depressed pretending to lose my mind pretending to be mentally ill from negative things or evil. I know the news is not all. Negative but it is mostly negative. I was typing or posting nonsense. It can be a good weird or funny when you or somebody makes no sense but man it is a bad weird that I posted nonsense. Or If for instance you think what is a good weird or bad weird is your opinion or free will. But most people will agree that for instance the human body being weird in a good and bad way is a fact and most people will agree that life is weird in a good way and bad way and difficult and many other things. Not surprising life is difficult and many other things because everything’s always been old school aka the fact for short. But hey it’s your free will again if you disagree but just know you are wrong and that’s your opinion. Anyway Digital stuff or computers are a want not a need they are a luxury. Again phones are a need but they don’t need to be digital or computerized. Again I prefer analog stuff and I would like to remake anything into analog like video games like kingdom hearts or movies like Toy Story or Old school. I have yet to see old school. My uncle mike told me about the movie old school in 2015 and he said it’s funny. I like will ferell and Vince vaughn. 2 of the greatest or funniest actors ever. I like Also I saw lightyear in 2022 and I know people love it or hate it. Most people dislike the movie but I like the movie. The movie wasn’t that bad. Yes it has issues no spoilers but it was a good movie not a great movie. Pixar can do better. I still recommend seeing it. But it’s your free will again if you wanna see it or not. Everybody has Free will to engage in whatever entertainment you wanna consume or engage in music, games, radio or podcasts, tv shows, news shows, books, comic books, magazines, broadway or opera etc. There is so much great entertainment out there. Whatever is great to you because again it’s your free will. But most people will say for instance impratical jokers is a great and funny tv show or the Jonas brothers or ludacris are great musicians and one of the greatest of all time. I like Jonas song only human. Great message and catchy. I like ludas song diamond in the back it’s a catchy song to me. I like him in fast and furious as well. I have yet to see the great ones. Most people will say Some of the fast and furious movies like some of the newer ones are mediocre. It’s ludacris that the newer movies are garbage haha get it? Rip Paul walker.

I even have free will to have many real friends of course. People don’t have to be real friends or associate with you and just be acquaintances or only have a few real friends. People have free will to not be real friends with you even if you are real. Keeping a small circle. Or people have free will to have many real friends. Shoutouts to more real friends or real or genuine people such as the Amtrak police of dc and Amtrak police of willimington Delaware such as officer Juan from dc I believe. I am not great with names. My memory is weird in a good and bad way, especially with names. I can remember something really well but can’t remember something else that well. I hope all my real friends or real people are doing well obviously. Shoutouts to Audrey and Marty the employee at the usps store. Shoutouts to Jatise Oates my genuine friend. I hope you are doing well. Jatise is a cool and funny sounding name weird in a good way. Jatise has a nice ring to it as well. Same with Jahkim similar sounding name. Certain names are not as common or popular like Jatise. Anyway Jatise has great taste in music too like my other real friend Frank from the ymca. Jatise introduced me to these songs in 2017 when I was 22. Jatise likes the songs pogo by digitlalism, breathe by telepopmusik, walking on a dream by empire of the sun, my baby by chief keef, smiling by hi Rez, early 20 rager by lil uzi vert. This lil uzi song is funny or weird in a good way. A lot of my real friends have great taste in music like Charles Moorse or Nelson. Charles likes Bruce Springsteen sone Tougher than the rest or Tracey chapman give me one reason. Nelson likes ac dc it’s a long way to the top if you wanna rock and roll. I also like thunderstruck, the singers voice Brian Johnson sounds weird or funny to me in a good way in thunderstruck. I first smoked weed with Jatise when I was 22 in 2017.  I also smoked weed with other real friends like Dave. Dave, Jatise, and I smoked weed together just the 3 of us. Again I do idiotic stuff especially when I was younger and smoking weed was illegal so I did an idiotic thing although I just wanted to have fun. You definitely do dumb stuff when you are younger. Young dumb and broke lol get the reference? Like when myself and other kids slapped each other in this slapping game in high school when I was 17 junior year. The kids called me little bill because I was a shrimp in school and I looked liked little bill. I despise bill cosby now because of what he has done. The slapping videos are online if you care to watch them. I wish I used analog camera to record them. It’s embarrassing of course but still funny. Shoutout to those kids in the slapping game including frank buchel and Chris Hodges, Brian dunshee, frank mckinight, Jorge Salinas, Jon Marin, Justin miller, Joe Faenza. Kyle goodman, Joe Golding, Dave olesky, so many kids. Of course you do idiotic stuff at any age that’s being human or imperfect again. Anyway Shoutouts to Jack Feola, Ryan Shemitz, Alex Salzman from little league baseball, Jon Smith, Dan Fox, Salvador, JP Powers, Andrew my genuine friends from middle school or elementary school. Shoutouts to Dominic a real friendly person from Wawa. Shoutouts to the people who helped me get a cab or uber to my nana like Johnny. Shoutouts to real friendly cab drivers like kristen I believe your name is kristen you know who you are and to another real friendly cab driver named Anthony I believe from patsy’s cab service as well.  I smoked weed with this cab driver Anthony in 2022 when weed finally became legal in jersey. I first smoked weed when I was 22. I wish weed was legal when I was younger like a teenager. I wanna do mushrooms as well. Never had mushrooms. I haven’t said the fact to everybody that I shouted out. Some of these real people that I have shouted out such as Juan or the windmill people or Brian silva and his real friend I have told them the fact and they totally get what I mean by the fact everything’s always been old school. Shoutouts to the real people I met at the windmill restaurant. Shoutouts to my real friend from little league baseball Danny Seitz and his mom and aunt Katie. Shoutouts to all the real people who gave me money food or helped me out on my journey to dc like the real people at the quikchek or on the bus and train. Shoutouts to Mr.Phill, Richard, Jason, Asa, Youstena, Matt the custodian who is into rock and metal, Jorge the custodian, Robert scoff, Chris Corbin, waned, Lisa, Caitlyn, rohit, Darrielle, Charles Yurgelonis, Jasmine, Diana, Billy, Karina, Another Billy who loves the rocky movies, Paul Wyman, Roy my gay real friend, Joey cannon, Caterina, Ken Brown, Ken’s real friend Ashley Musgrave,  Amy margolin, Larry, Verna occasion, Mike volante, Lisa Marie, Tim, younger tim, older Patrick, Eric Ganz, Randy, Nelson, Charles Morse, Ray Fernandez, Older Ray, Hillary, Shanai, Andy, Jillian, Jenna, Tall Jenna, Molly, Greg Gilden, Cody wright, Charles Smithers a gay real friend of mine, Joe Lynch, Rick , Carlton, and Chett. Ray Fernandez is a funny or weird guy in a good way. One time he made video just staring at you saying nothing then he just roars at the camera says raah. Jatise roared at the camera as well when we were smoking weed. Shoutouts to Mike Broccoli, Brian Smollon, Kyle Smollon, Yash, Paul Morris, Myesha Brown, Amor Williamson, Gina Lamatina, Deshawn, Matt can’t remember your last name but I remember seeing you outside of high School when I was 19, Noah smith, Traevon, Matt volte, Benjamin, Anthony Kowana, Zack mortimer, Jahkim Parrish, Matty papa, Leo Hernandez, Joe Creteli, Edwin Leon, Lucas Haber, Kyle kately, David Harmon, Zack Pittius, Kyle goodman, Kyle costa, Chris Raiola, Other Dennis, Jorge Alonso, Rob Avalone, Luke Ganz, Chris rose, sam beres, a greek kid with bush eyebrows from high school can’t remember your name, mike ryslik, Nick Chorman, Bryan font, rob yucas, rob sparapani, Brandon autiero,Monti Cooper, Joey red, sky valentine, Brianna Quinn, Yale,  Wesley krompier, Deanna Johnson, Britney woodson, Jessica barlett, teresa sepe, and Dylan Riverra are a few of the many real friends from high school the list goes on and on. Hopefully I will see all of the real friends from high school at the reunion in 2023. Of course I have free will to go to the reunion. Some of them were not in my Class of 2013. They were older or younger than me like Zack or Leo. Leo is younger and Zack is older. I lost my high school senior yearbook hopefully it turns up if not maybe I can get a replacement or borrow one. Shoutouts to Christian, Jamie and other real people from club metro gym. Shoutouts to Dennis Bruzzi my real friend from little league baseball and his dad the coach. What is weird is I can’t think of too many asian real friends right now. Maybe I don’t have any or not much. I love asian people of course and we are all human. I obviously despise racism. I wish I had more of a social life when I was younger and again I wish I knew all that I know now or wish I knew the fact. I grew up mostly in the suburbs maybe someday I will live in a city but gotta be careful of crime or gangsters or thugs but crime can happen anywhere just more often in urban areas obviously or the hood or ghetto. I moved a lot as a kid, my parents moved like 4 times across New Jersey. Real people come and go in life sometimes and I lost touch with real people or people have forgotten me or I have forgotten them or real friends I met in school or in my previous neighborhoods like my neighbor Connor etc when I moved all those times. Sometimes you see people like from school like I saw Salvador one time when I was 23. Shoutout to Rhett and link they have been real friends since kindergarten. I wish I had real friends for that long. I saw kids from high school at the club in nj in 2016 when I was 21. One positive of this digital world Alan created was thanks to online or Facebook you can get in touch with real people you lost touch with. When I become an analog engineer I will find a simple way to get in touch with real people you lost touch with somehow. Shoutouts to rich masucci or review tech or aka rich of review tech usa he is a real friendly guy and he is funny and weird in a good way. I am not interested in digital or computer stuff again or I prefer analog tech but I like watching rich because of his funny intro skip bida bop mm dada lol Rich’s voice is so funny saying skip bida bop in dada. The skip bida bop mn dada is a reference to the scatman and rich’s real friend Matt in a funny or weird picture in a good way of Matt drunk he explained this in his videos. Ah rich, review tech when everything’s always been old school. I rather review analog tech. Review analog tech usa, review tech usa or review tech for short has a nice ring to it. Shoutouts to a guy his online name is masterlinkxx and he introduced me to the scatman first in one of his comedy show videos. Of course I didn’t know the fact when I was younger first watching reviewtechusa or masterlinkxx. Shoutouts to boogie2988. Boogie2988? lol that is a funny name or weird in a good way. When I pick my nose I think of boogie2988 or his real name Steve. Shoutouts to uncle vance he is not my blood uncle, he is my aunt’s husband my aunt Nicole is my dads sister. Uncle vance or Vance oldes met cam newton and Steve Harvey, the videos are online if you care to watch. Shoutouts to my cousin Kenny. Shoutouts to real people at new hope church of god in nj and new harvest church in nj who are real such as Pastor Bonaparte Lady Tracey, Brother Daniel, brother Joe, Pastor Selwyn, Sister Michelle, The kids from the youth group like Kai, Paster Samuel. Shoutouts to real people from jack and Jill which is an organization for people of color such as Noah Powell or the Powells, Sean Williams and, Brianna Sanders, Mike brown, Bradley jones, Jon Stanely. Of course there are fake people at church or wherever in life. Shoutouts to max from the gay bar. Ms Crystal from virginia or the dmv area. Shoutouts to bret glidwell aka flacco. Shoutouts to Austin with his turn up z brand in dc. Shoutouts to Chris with his brand in dc as well. Shoutouts to gay guys Jamal Jones and Quinton. Shoutouts to my real friends Ronya and Mark. Shoutouts to mike from the flea market where I bought an analog phone from him. Shoutouts to the Bernards Ashleys family. Tony Bernard her dad and her mom Grace Bernard and Ashleys cousin Lenny, Ashley’s sisters Gabby and Vanessa. Shoutouts to people such as josh zirkins or the zirkins, ms Nicki, Chris, Kristian, from my childhood old neighborhood where I lived in my parents big house. Shoutouts to ghost, Kase, ed, Jen, porche, caesar and other real people in my current neighborhood or people who work or used to work at the neighbor hood community glassworks like Robert, Andy, dean, Angelica, adrianne, and Joe. Shootouts to another angelica my dad's significant other and Jeff my sisters significant other. I can do so many shoutouts to so many real people but that would take forever there is too many.

So my theory about females being based off males or the female body is just the male body modified. If I knew everything’s always been old school when I was a kid or younger I would have never done anything with any human no kissing no dating no sex stay a virgin forever. Of course I still have female real friends and no sex involved. Again who knows if my theory is correct. We will never know if males or females were created 1st. Perhaps females were created 1st and males are based off females. We are all human and gay people I am sure understand my theory. Again Females are not that special. The Facts are for sure that Sex isn't everything, & everybody has cheating thoughts. Masturbation feels great or Sex must feel great but it doesn’t last and again sex isn’t everything in life because everything’s always been old school or aka the fact again. In other words, obviously people don’t wanna have sex all the time cause they don’t feel like it or they don’t want to or not have sex at all ever there are more important things in life than sex. To most humans it’s natural to pro create or have sex but I don’t care to pro create or have sex. I can resist having sex and everybody does not have to have sex at all or pro create. I won’t bring kids in this world because everything’s always been old school or life is difficult. I am sure people feel the same way  I do about bringing kids in this world. I rather stay a virgin adopt kids & raise them right with physical discipline. Again Free will is good and bad obviously. If people don’t wanna pro create or have an abortion then that is ok. Some say abortion is like murder but I guess since the baby has not been out of the womb then it’s not murder. But I get why people say abortion is like murder cause you are killing the fetus. If you of course bring a kid in this world out of the womb and neglect your kid or intentionally leave them some where unattended then you are a terrible parent and you are asking for your baby to be killed and you are a murderer or piece of human garbage. Since I want to adopt kids I rather people not do abortion but again people have free will. Not surprising many people are gay when everything’s always been old school. Gay people can be masculine or manly. Queer people tend to be feminine or have a gay voice or accent. When you think about it it’s weird I a good way how some countries males kiss each other as greetings. That is gay. Again I am a virgin, no born again virgin nonsense. But hey you can have free will to be a born again virgin but it doesn’t make sense cause you had sex so? Never done oral, anal, or vaginal. Again I feel I wanna stay a virgin forever that is my free will when everything's always been old school. So I did flash my penis to a gay guy Quinton and he flashed his penis as well. Quinton kissed me on the nose & we rubbed each others noses and Jamal licked my ear and kissed my face not my mouth. I didn’t kiss them or lick them back anywhere at all. Again Never been kissed on the mouth by any human in my life. I have tasted my own cum before when I was 27 in 2022 for the 1st time in my life and it tasted weird in a good way I guess. People gay or straight taste their own cum right? I think so. So it’s not a totally gay thing. I went to a gay bar in jersey for the 1st time in my life in 2022. So even though I am a virgin and I did that gay stuff with Quinton and Jamal does that mean I am gay? I’m pretty sure I know what counts as losing your virginity but I wonder if I am gay. Charlie Wills my real friend told me nj is the best place to be gay. Obviously sex or gay sex or human species are old school. Alan Turing was gay by the way and sadly gay in the worst time period. The word human, emphasis on the word man. Emphasis on the word male. Hu”man” fe”male”or wo"man". Males and Females both have testosterone and estrogen. That is why females can grow facial hair but not as much as males unless you use testosterone booster. See we are all human and all different at the same time and we can embrace or accept that but that is your free will again but I embrace it. For instance My voice is not the deepest I wish I had a deeper voice. Some males just don’t have a deep voice or not have the deepest voice. For instance My uncle mike does not have the deepest voice but my dad who is the younger brother to my uncle mike has a deeper voice than me or uncle mike. My real friend Ashley has the highest voice of a female ever while some females have a deeper voice. Ashley also is mixed of Caucasian and Brazilian or person of color. She is really dark skinned. She is mixed of so much more. Some people of color are light skinned even lighter than me that they look white or almost white like my nana or Charlie Wills who he is mixed as well. I am not mixed, I am African american. Some asians are colored. My real friend Frank from the ymca. I met frank through the ymca mentor program by the way in 2015. Frank can grow long hair that looks feminine. Dreads or long hair or buns or ponytails or certain piercings like earrings looks feminine. Having long nails is feminine. A shaved face looks feminine when you think about it. Females have shaved faces or baby faces. But females shave just like men in certain areas. People even have free will to have whatever kind of facial hair you want just a mustache or a goatee or a full beard. Everybody is different again. Or you can have free will to be fully shaved or have a shadowly look like me. It’s weird in a good way. I am not the most hairy guy even my ass is not hairy. My chest has some hair decent amount same with my arms and legs compared to other more hairy people. Comparing or competing with each other when every human is different so keep that in mind. We are no better than anybody else we are all human. It’s interesting that if males were created 1st that males have long hair. So again perhaps males are based off females. Females can be as strong as males or masculine or tomboy of course. Females can be as tall as males. Females can have big feet or bigger feet or bigger whatever than males. Some females wanna look like masculine like cutting their hair short or be bald. Keeping my theory in mind again. Males can have cellulite too by the way. Again the human body is weird which is a good and bad weird of course. Again I care to be weird in a good way or to be funny. People even have free will to be funny or not funny. Or have free will to think what is funny to you. I for instance find the movie shaggy dog scenes with Tim Allen and Robert downey jr acting like dogs funny or weird in a good way. The shaggy dog was not the greatest movie in the world but it had funny moments to me. Again everybody is different. Or I am a weird guy in a good and bad way like every other human. People have free will to let’s say be weird in a good or bad way. Weirdness or randomness in a good or bad way.

People peeing in bottles and keeping them is a good weird. I mean you are not hurting anybody or yourself. Pee is harmless even though it stinks and it’s foul. But pooping in containers or bag and keeping or containing them safely I suppose is a bad weird. Poop is deadly. But if you contain poop safely then I guess it’s a good weird as well. I have peed In bottles and kept them but some people have a problem with that which I don’t care I will do it again. I also have pooped in bags or containers and kept them safely. I peed and pooped all over the floor in my apartment as well which people were concerned about. I didn’t know breathing in poop is deadly then. Racist people who are gay or straight will also say people of color look like poop or have a poop penis. I have seen gay porn and even the lightest skinned minority like the trans foxxy has a poop penis and it’s interesting or weird in a good way to me but not to racist people of course. I do look like poop well people of color do look like poop when you think about it but still not a kind thing to say. I am considered light skinned like caramel or peanut butter or in this case like poop. But most people of color look like darker poop or dark chocolate. Poop looks weird in a bad way. Poop can look green sometimes which is weird in a bad way. Although Poop jokes or fart jokes or crude humor can be funny or weird in a good way. In 2022 for the 1st time in my life which this is ridiculous what I am about to say but I rubbed poop on my penis while I was masturbating which is a good weird and bad weird at the same time I guess. The poop on my penis felt slippery like astroglide. I sort of liked it well not really. I wash the poop off I don’t seep it on there. I like the smell of poop well not really it smells weird in a really bad way so foul. Some people even eat poop and dogs eat poop and I let the dog lick my mouth and jerked off to it wow. Other animals are weird in a good or bad way just like us human species. I definitely messed up my gums a couple times my gums became black and the corners of my mouth were infected with bacteria. Man bestiality is sickening but we all have free will again. What is weird about the human body is for instance the mouth or nose or nipples, so much about the weird human body I can go on and on. Nipples or pecs are like tits. Again keeping my theories in mind whether male or female was created 1st. Doing a nipple twister hurts and I remember Steven ginter from high school a real friend of mine weird memory to have in a good and bad way but he twisted my nipple. Peoples breath can be offensive which is a bad weird. I have never heard of bad breath being a turn on for people in my life. My sort of bestiality mouth breath is a bad weird of course. Other odors like stinky or sweaty feet is a good or bad weird depending on if you are into stinky feet. People with asd can have issues with odors or it’s a sensor issue or overload. I personally am not affected by odors or senses. Everybody on the autism spectrum is different. I eat boogers. I remember eating boogers as a kid. Where are them boogers as my grandpa or poppy used to say to us as kids. He called us boogers. Or I love farting and burping and eating my boogers. Females who love to wear make up or lip stick. Females being based off man and we are turned on by females. When you think about it it is gross you are attracted to a modified male body. See we are all the same or human it’s gross but weird in a good way. So it’s like this let’s take the male body and make it’s hips rounder or make their pecs looser or make their voice higher or get rid of the facial hair or remove the penis and add a vagina or turn the penis into a vagina etc. That is my theory or how I believe the female body became to be. Keeping my theory in mind again females can eat boogers or have nasty hygiene or love farting and burping or do masculine stuff or having no manners. Again who cares what society says and people have free will so think weird or be weird in a good or bad way. What is it about wrinkled soles that is too hot or sexy? Feet are a weird body part for sure. Feet are similar to hands. So are hands sexy? What is it about for instance cellulite that is too hot or sexy? Nail polish, make up or no make up, lip stick, tits, Feet or wrinkled soles, cellulite, ass or anal or the female licking a males anus or tossing the salad or facesitting or riding position anal or vaginal, 69 position, ponytails or buns, piercings , shaved or baby face, oral, vagina or pussy shaved or not, tight or skimpy clothing like tank tops or high shorts, dressing masculine or tomboyish, females wearing hoodies, lesbians, transexuals or a male turning into a female gay porn, straight porn, females being weird in a good way or females being human females eating boogers farting or burping or doing masculine stuff or having poor manners, or females who love to fart or eat boogers or burping or love having poor manners or love doing masculine stuff or love being weird in a good way or love being human, being mature and immature at the same time like in your 30’s or being mature for your age like 18 , all did turn me on. So many other things turned me on I can go on and on.

Having a dirty mind like thinking of dirty words like saying that’s what she or he said whatever you are into, or bananas or salad or sausages etc. Again sex isn’t everything so it can be inappropriate or perverted. People having public sex or having oral sex in the parking lot in your car or at bj’s and dick’s store parking lot lol get it. Even though I don’t care about health I wanna shoutout to Marc lobliner for that bj’s dicks store joke and shoutouts to the hodgetwins as well both funny guys and weird in a good way. So people have sex wherever when sex isn’t everything and everything’s always been old school aka the fact for short again. That’s your dirty little secret lol Kissing in public can be inappropriate but again humans are weird creatures in a good and bad way. When people kiss with no tongue kissing then that is ok but tongue kissing can be inappropriate because it’s more sexually. So in the lightyear movie there is a gay female kiss scene and it’s not a sexual kiss so why are people banning the movie or bothered by the that? It does not make sense but again it’s your free will. Sex isn’t everything but kissing with no tongue action is not vulgar. Keeping my theory in mind again kissing females when females are based off males and I never kissed a females mouth. I have kissed a females cheek though. Females have kissed me on the cheek before. Kissing a male in the mouth like kissing your son on the mouth is a bad weird to me. Calling your dad daddy or mom mommy as a male when you are a teenager or adult is weird in a good way and bad I guess. But hey it’s your free will. Females can call their dads daddy at any age which is like a double standard. Staring can be a good and bad weird. You stare at somebody and don’t say anything or you say something while you stare. So you stare at somebody who you are attracted to or you just stare at anybody but sometimes it can be creepy. Certain jobs can be perverted because again sex isn’t everything but certain jobs like a massager. You can’t help stare at somebody’s ass or cellulite or tits or ponytail or face whatever you are into like stare at wrinkled soles. I have yet to go to massage parlor in my life. I have gotten a pedicure or spa treatment at a nail salon for the 1st time in my life before when I was 24. I didn’t use nail polish and never have but some gay males or goth guys or straight guys do use polish. Hey it’s your free will use nail polish be a good weird if you want to. See maybe males are based off females. Males do feminine stuff too. Massaging feet like I massaged Ashley Bernards wrinkled soles. Massages are weird in a good way. Massaging the weird human body. I was weird in a good or bad way as a kid of course and in high school I stared at boys and girls such as gina lamatina, nick chorman, Luke ganz, whoever else and it made them uncomfortable. Maybe it’s my autism that made me stare like this. One time I gave the middle finger to a female kids in high School because they called me a weirdo a bad weird and a starer. They were right so why did I give them the middle finger cause I didn’t like what they said and I was angry. I stopped staring at people when I was 17. I looked dweeby with glasses and braces. I prefer to not wear my glasses or not have braces since I think I look better without them. I am nearsighted or I have myopia. I am afraid to get lassie. If I want to stare at people or if people wanna stare at other people that’s your free will. Maybe I will start staring at people again like I did in high school. Gay or straight we all have a dirty mind when sex isn’t everything and everything’s always been old school. Again my theory is females are based off males or the female body is just the male body modified. So for instance tits are just modified male pecs and the male hips have been modified to look curvy on the female. I can go on and on. Having an ass fetish is weird in a good and bad way I guess. It’s foul People poop out of the anus or ass so why is anal sex too hot or sexy? Same can be said for oral or vaginal sex. People pee from their private parts and you lick their private parts that is disgusting. I have heard horror stories of people’s anus bleeding because people were having anal sex too fast as an amateur of anal sex. I guess anal sex feels great overtime the more you do it slowly. They say oral or anal is unnatural sex. Some say oral or anal does not count as losing your virginity which I disagree. Sex is sex. It is called oral sex and anal sex for a reason. We as Human species are weird creatures indeed. In other words Sex is weird.

So much is weird. But of course some people are pieces of human garbage beyond weird. I believe there are more real people then fake and evil people though on this planet earth. So people have free will to do negative stuff or evil such as terrorism 9/11 and negative things happen because everything’s always been old school what did ya expect? Not surprising negative things or evil happen when everything’s always been old school. Covid is a horrible virus. Even before the pandemic, I know that people who are racist like to wear mask around people of color because they think people of color look like poop. I know it’s messed up. Or racist people think asians eyes look weird in a bad way. Racist people just don’t see that we are all human and who cares about the color of your pigment. Blue, purple, green etc. Prejudge sounds like prejudice. Just like sexism, who cares what your sexual preference is gay or straight and my theory of females being based off males. So people have free will to never stop evil or negative things. But I do have free will to punch kick or retaliate with evil pieces of human garbage. I wish I can punch evil people dead or alive like osama bin laden or the Austin bomber or hitler mass shooters etc Racism will never stop because again everything’s always been old school. Racism has been around forever or racism is old school obviously. RIP to all that have died from racism including Rodney King or Andrew Kearse. Sadly Traevon Martin & Jordan Davis were my age born in 1995. Gone too soon. Anyway, I have free will to do a good weird though. I wish I was a kid again, that’s why people including myself act immature & still be a mature adult at the same time. When you are a kid you have not too much to worry about life or responsibilities. But I am sure a kid if they are old enough they can understand the fact and that life is difficult and many other things. For instance holidays like halloween you feel like a kid again. Of course some people are racist on halloween like saying if you are a person of color then you can’t be so and so. Most asians have white skin so they have the same skin tone as a white character or person but their eyes are different so racist people will say you can’t wear that you’re eyes are different. The idea of Holidays or Traditions are old school obviously. Controversial holidays or holidays that involve controversial stuff such as spiritual or religion or politics like Christmas hanukah or presidents day or Memorial Day. I don’t like talking about controversial stuff like religion or spiritual stuff all the time or I won’t share my spiritual views here. Well anyway on christmas you feel like a kid again a swell and you can have free will to believe in whatever like religion or spirituality and Santa or the boogie man etc and be immature. If you are a teenager like 15 16 and still believe in santa etc then that is immature. By a certain age you know santa is not real. I knew Santa was not real by like 12 13. You even have free will to be weird in a good way and celebrate holidays any time of the year or still keep your decelerations up. Again who cares what society says don’t be afraid to be a good weird I care to say that. Or have free will to not celebrate holidays at all or certain ones. I want to cater to all ages. Some things are not meant for everybody only for kids or only for adults like certain entertainment. For I want to not be vulgar or inappropriate around kids or little. I can be vulgar around teens or older kids like 12 because I was able to watch rated r movies or mature stuff when I was a kid or.teen like 12. My parents didn’t care and I will do the same for my adopted kids when I am a dad, a cool dad. When my kids are like 12-13 then they can watch it. My dad snuck me a sip of beer, it’s just a sip nothing wrong with that not that serious and I’ll do the same for my kids. I drink alcohol socially like with real friends or with my cool uncle mike but maybe I will start drinking more often. I had my first legal drink at 21 thanks to my real friend greg gilden in 2016 at a jersey shore bar. I have never been drunk though, but maybe I will get drunk real soon but being drunk can be a bad weird or you can do idiotic stuff or dangerous stuff and then you can get hangovers. But being drunk can be fun or funny or weird in a good wa as well. Again people have free will to drugs or not do drugs ever in their life or whatever drug they want to or free will to be an adult or mature and drink responsibly and not drive drunk or stoned. Or people have free will to do evil or negative things like kill somebody from driving drunk or stoned being immature. Jatise my genuine friend again , he tried to get me to drive stoned and that is dangerous, I guess Jatise was so stoned he didn’t realize that is a dangerous thing. Anyway I plan to adopt kids not have kids in my life. But some kids are mature for their age. 18 or 19 is an adult but you can still be immature. 18 is so young and again you are a teenager and adult at the same time. But even older younger adults like 20 on older can still be immature that’s free will for ya. Man it feels like yesterday that I was an 18 year old adult in college. But I dropped out at 18. 18 is so young that you are an adult and a teen at the same time. People say kid to people who are young adults like 18. People know you are not a kid but when People say kid to an adult they mean they are young. Again people have free will to even call you a kid and care you are an adult or not treat you like a kid.

calling more fake people or idiots out. The freeones board mods and other fake mean people on ign boards or on freeones call me delusional or crazy or say I need to seek help or I don't make sense or I ramble because of all I've been saying that everything's always been old school. Again I know what the hell I'm talking about and I make total sense when I say everything has always been old school. I ought to sue more people who say I sound delusional. The idiot freeones mods banned me twice and the mod had the audacity to say I was attacking the mods which is bs. I was calling out the mods who were mean to me I wasn't attacking them. I also just said to the free ones mod I wish you the best in your life I hope all is well and the freeones mod had the audacity to say I have an attention fix or I am an attention seeker. How about you have an attention fix or seek negative attention not me. Also I'll call out more idiots more forums banned me including toms guide idiot mod, autism aspie forums for saying I'm using offensive words bs. Xda forums, droid forums, Android central forums, insanely mac, Linus tech tips, guru3d , and my digital life forums idiot mods said I spoke gibberish or thought I was a spam bot or didn't care what I had to say which is bs. Again this it total bs. I ought to sue these fake mean people. But don't worry once I get more recognition of my everything's always been old school videos these idiots will be embarrassed for treating me like this. These people are negative attention seekers or mean or fake people obviously. You have the free will to ignore fake people or trolls or bullies or haters etc. They take advantage of you or take it out on you because they are miserable in their life or home life. But sometimes you gotta react to them. Now fake people like my neighbor is she also enough of a reason for me to move out? I will say yes because she is a nuisance yelling screaming being mean or offensive and a liar getting people in trouble like falsely making a police report. A totally fake person. I Have had enough with her bs tired of it. She deserves the police called on her and thrown in jail for false police reports and for being loud. I’m glad there's real people that I appreciate me and won't treat me like crap. I am also calling out idiots or fake people who didn’t care what I had to say about the everything’s always been old school or the fact for short. They didn’t give me a chance to talk at all or either cut me off and ignored me or banned me from their establishment. 1 idiot motel manager at the knights inn in nj somehow didn’t get what I was saying they think I sound crazy and the manager banned me from the motel. Another idiot named Scott Freifeld from central jersey IT was saying fake bs that I was harassing or bothering him. Of course this happened before I knew the fact. Oh well. Anyway all I did was send him pics of buzz lightyear etc never did anything negative and he said leave me alone. But hey I get it now that everything’s always been old school. Scott you ought to be put in jail for making false police reports saying I harassed or bothered you. I ought to call the police on you again like I did before. There are so many idiots that I have dealt with it is not even funny.

I don’t want people to not know this fact, everybody has to know this fact of life that everything’s always been old school. Again I wish I knew this fact when I was a kid. Even though I am an idiot for not knowing this fact. Again I am not perfect and I don’t know everything in life since I am young. I am still smart or very high functioning with autism. I was diagnosed with autism at 3 years old. I wasn’t able to talk until I was 3 years old. 2022 was the year I finally discovered this fact. I spread the word or fact through out most of 2022. I also went to nyc in march 2022 to try and spread the word but I got lost trying to go to time square. I tried to avoid using digital stuff but it is difficult in this digital world for now. Of course the flip phone or phone I had was digital or computerized and how I printed out the paper of the maryville school article of Alan turing was from a computerized or digital printer. I was going to read and show the paper to everybody and talk about how this article helped me discover the life fact that everything’s always been old school. Again spreading the word analog style didn’t work out. I don’t want another year where everybody doesn’t know this fact. Of course it’s the same thing another year which is mostly bad since evil or negative things will always keep happening and the same evil or negative things keep happening and it’s getting worse. What did ya expect when everything’s been old school. Can’t expect much or much good to happen. Society says make a New Years resolution which it’s your free will to make a New Years resolution or wanna make a change for the better in your life. Who cares what society says. I personally have free will to not care for New Years resolutions that much. Old school or in other words it’s the same. Old or the same is the opposite of new or different obviously. People have free will of course to do the same thing every year which can be good or bad. I obviously want people to remember this fact. Always remember that everything’s always been old school. Please spread the word for me.

I don't care to change the world for the better anymore because now I realize changing the world for the better will never happen or it's impossible when everything's always been old school obviously. Again when everything's always been old school people have free will in life to do negative or evil things. I just simply want everybody to know this fact that everything's always been old school.

People are idiots if people get offended when I censored the words with these symbols *. I wasn’t saying the words when I censored them. I have no intention to offend anybody obviously. Other forums keep banning me because they think I am being offensive. If I did offend anybody I am sorry. I was using the offensive words as examples and not trying to say them. I obviously wasn’t trying to be funny with those words. Also words like damn or crap or hell obviously are not swear words or offensive words. But again people have free will.

It's simple, you don't care what I have to say don't watch my videos it's your choice or free will. For those who don't care to watch just know I am spreading a fact of life that most people don't know. I guess I'm not the only one who knows this fact of life that everything's always been old school. everybody has got to know or accept this fact of life but hey it's your free will to accept it. I still find it difficult to accept the fact everything’s always been old school but I still accept it. People obviously don't have to like a fact but they can still accept it such as the fact everybody will die. I am sure people don't like this fact that everything's always been old school but you gotta accept it or you don't have to accept it again since it's your free will. I myself. I don't like the fact that everything's always been old school but it is what it is I accept it. Maybe it will be even more difficult to accept this fact if I knew this fact when I was younger as a kid. So I am sure it can be difficult to accept the fact for other people kid or adult. The other facts that life is difficult and weird for instance you can accept that or not. The fact that death is a part of life you can accept that or not. The after life is scary. Is it just a black void or is it all dark just nothing when you die? Obviously you can’t bring nothing with you when you die. You can’t bring material or monetary stuff and can’t bring anything that you learned in life like languages. And we don’t know what happens in the after life. there is no proven fact and controversial stuff or spiritual or religious stuff aside. I dislike going to funerals and most people dislike going to funerals but if you do like funerals you are messed up a totally bad weird. But that is your free will. I don’t have funeral plans now as I am still really young. But gotta plan for the future if you care to. Hopefully I live a long life and not have my life cut short. If I do die real people will honor my memory and make a funeral playing one of my favorite songs or something. I don’t have many favorites of things it’s tough for me. But my favorite color is purple by the way.  I will die a virgin because I will remain a virgin forever. everybody has free will in life when everything's always been old school obviously which is good and bad again. Although if you do care please read and watch. I have been spreading this message in real life since 2022. I prefer to share this message analog style or in person but we live in a just an only digital world for now. I'm trying to spread this message to everybody and I can't do that so easily the analog way. Doing it the analog way just didn't work out. It's easier to reach everybody digitally.

of course people who don't wanna spread the word can be selfish and that is not helping people. But again people have free will even to be selfish. Of course I am not selfish.

At 26-27 years old, I have discovered the simple fact that everything’s always been old school. Life itself is old school for instance and I wish I knew this at 10 years old. I learned about the holocaust at 10 years old in school but didn’t know Alan Turing. Better late than never. I was born in 1995. I learned about this fact at 26-27 years old. Even names are old school of course. My real fuIl name is Kenneth Matthew Reid and I turn 28 on February 6. Wow time flies, it’s scary. Still young but I’m getting closer to 30. Ever since I was 25 I realize I am near 30. If you care to do simple math the number 5 rounds to 10 so 25 rounds to 30. I like the number 5 like 5 in 95 or 1995. Anyway Life is short. Now I’m in adulthood. If you are really young like 18 or younger reading this time flys like a mofo. You will be 27 before you know it. I have said this before like many other things and I care to say that Age does not discriminate. I obviously associate with real people or real friends who are older or elderly like Charlie Wills. Not saying Charlie Wills is elderly he is older in his 50’s. I even associate with real people or real friends who are younger like teens or minors. So people have free will in life because everything’s always been old school of course. Free will is good and bad obviously. So people have free will to be age discriminating. By the way, I would love to attend princeton and obviously get a free scholarship and study civil engineering/construction or something masculine like work at Burger King grilling burgers or grilling is masculine or work at Home Depot construction aisle. Work at these jobs in Princeton live on campus. I also would like to be an auto vehicle mechanic or engineer. I know I am smart enough to attend Princeton. I know college in general is lot of work but ivy league is even more work and more difficult. I still am capable and smart enough for ivy league. When everything’s always been old school I care to say that I have a knowledge base or I am smart. Thanks to my poppy or grandpa on my mom’s side who told me about the importance of having a knowledge base in school or in life. If I knew the fact when I was younger but of course I didn’t oh well but if I did I will have for instance not used a digital audio recorder to record my poppy talking about a knowledge base. Instead used an analog audio recorder. I posted the recording online in the past of course before I knew fact. I audio recorded poppy when I was 18 in 2013. Thanks to poppy that is how I found out about maryville’s school article website talking about Alan turing. Because the article mentioned the word knowledge base. Of course again words are old school. People have free will to let’s say use whatever words they wanna use. A knowledge base or kb for short is old school. So whenever you see kb on websites or wherever that is what it means. When I first found the school article in 2021 at 26 I didn’t think of the fact right away but until early 2022 I realized the fact and didn’t overlook the fact or the school article anymore. Again I care to be smart, real, and simple. I am real, I am smart, and I am simple obviously so I am confident but not cocky obviously or no ego. Bottling stuff inside or suppressing stuff is not good but hey it’s your free will. Obviously now that I know this fact I am not interested in studying digital or computer stuff nor am I interested in getting a job in the digital field. I don’t care to be a computer engineer or computer guy like Alan turing. But fun fact Alan turing attended Princeton. Shoutouts to my cool uncle mike on my dad’s side. My uncle mike is even cool with his ear piercings. he works at Home Depot as well. Of course people have free will in life to let’s say go to college or not graduate high school. Or have free will to not go to school at all. Well I guess you can say you don’t have as much free will when you are a kid but still everybody has free will. As an adult you have more free will. The school system is not perfect especially since they don’t teach you about Alan turing. A lot of things you learn in school don’t apply to everybody in real life or in the real world such as advanced math. I am not the greatest at calculus I can become better though like Ashley Bernard. She is a math genius. I chose to graduate high school and I choose to go to Princeton and graduate from Princeton. I can see it now. I give my graduation speech talking about the fact everything’s always been old school and how I helped people with this fact and how smart I am. I will be so proud of myself. There are so many schools out there all over the world like maryville but I chose to go to Princeton or Ivy League. That is my free will. You can go to whatever school you want to that’s your free will. My uncle mike only graduated high school . I would have done so much in my life by now if I knew this fact when I was younger like gone to college graduated or learned a new language like espanol or be trilingual, gotten a job by now etc. I am 27 about to be 28 and haven’t done much in my life which is a little embarrassing but I am sure I am not the only one. People have free will to go back to school or attend school at any age. I do wish again I knew what I know now & went to school at 18 and not dropped out. Languages are old school. Jobs are old school. School is old school. I never had a job in my life. I visited Princeton in 2022 3 times. I went to an orientation at Princeton recently in january 2023 and I went to a student tour on January 31th 2023 both want well except the tour was really cold. Shoutouts to Katy the tour student and of course I talked about everything’s always been old school and Alan turing and all that I have been saying at the tour. I do prefer to share my message in person or analog style anyway. So Taxes or Money is the root of all evil in the corrupt system worldwide. Of course money is digital or computerized atms etc. Money is old school. Government is old school. This or that is old school. Again I can go on and on. Everything has always been old school. I don’t care to be rich or I don’t care that much about money. There are more important things in life than money or a piece of paper. Although it would be great to be able to afford things. They say money can’t buy happiness which I say yes and no. If money makes you happy hey that is your free will you care about money. Also money helps you to afford things and to survive so there is happiness or contentment right there. I do need money to survive in the corrupt system. I will give money donate or volunteer at American Red Cross to help people from natural disasters or the homeless. I know many people wish they lived in a big house like my parents. Life is not fair but I would love to help people with living big. My parents house was a semi mansion but now my parents moved out of that house in 2022. But people have free will to live in any kind of home life they want to whether it’s a trailer or an apartment or a house or a group home etc. Oh man again life is difficult or unfair and many other things. But not all politicians are corrupt or fake, but most are. I know politics is a controversial topic so I am not talking about my political views at all that is my free will. I would like to meet real people like real people who are politicians worldwide who are real not corrupt. They can help bring back analog stuff like analog government phones in a digital world. The usa or the system is not perfect but the usa is still a great country. I am not saying get rid of digital stuff.  I give credit to maryville school for talking about Alan Turing. While I was in dc I made real friends like Elliott Peyton. I give credit to my genuine real friend Elliott Peyton for filming great scenery of dc, the Lincoln memorial, Washington monument, and the ww2 memorial. Again people have free will to do what they care to do or interested in. But if you care to visit dc and care to visit the ww2 memorial or the Lincoln memorial or go inside or outside the Washington monument then I encourage you to do so. Thank you Elliott, Bret, and all real genuine people for your service in the military. Elliott served in the air force. Elliott works in the veteran affairs in dc. I thank him and everybody for helping spread this message or the word. I also thank the real people who helped me get to dc. The video got cut off a little bit at the beginning. I said spreading the word anyway enjoy. I know this will obviously help everybody who cares to listen and watch. The ww2 memorial is an ideal place to talk about Alan turing and everything’s always been old school obviously.

By the way, real people told me great things about the Alan Turing movie the imitation game. It is not the most historically accurate movie, but it’s still true that Alan Turing invented or engineered the 1st computer. I saw the imitation game last year in 2022. Obviously computers or digital stuff is not the end all be all just like sex because everything’s always been old school. I like Benedict Cumberbatch. Thanks to Alan Turing we live in a digital world, for now. obviously this digital world is not perfect. Nothing Is perfect in life. But digital stuff isn’t entirely bad. It’s good and bad. For instance whatever is addicting or engaging to you such as digital or computer stuff. Digital stuff can be addicting or distracting just like anything else. Analog things can be addicting too obviously. Driving while using an analog thing happens and you get into a crash hopefully you survive. Trolling and hating or bullying or swatting or ddos and spam or scams and scalping or hackers or pirates or bad robots etc are examples of how this digital world is bad. Sadly somebody died from swatting. Trolling or hating or bullying for instance in real life is not the same as on digital stuff online since you can be anonymous. Kids or minors and Adults in real life or online can be bullys or haters or trolls etc obviously. People again have free will to do evil or negative things. There was a Kid who tried to murder people by swatting. Digital stuff has sadly made it easier or convenient for fake people or pieces of human garbage evil to do evil or negative things like pedophillia. Fake people like pedophiles I can’t stand. That is why you gotta watch what your kids are doing online or in real life be careful if you care to but again it’s your free will as parents even. Pedophillia sex porn or kiddie porn is messed up and a totally bad weird like incest or bestiality. Kids or teens are not fully physically developed or can’t give consent. To you pedos or incest people or bestialists, What is so sexy or too hot about toddlers or infants or little kids or animals or your own blood family who most likely looks exactly like you? This is a messed up question but I have to ask it. Hey it’s your free will again what’s too hot or sexy and free will to do evil. Just know you pedos and incest people or bestialists are weird in a totally bad way. If it’s a relative that is not blood like a step relative or an aunt or uncle that is not blood than I say it’s not incest. Also I know some kids or teens look mature for their age with a beard whatever or don’t have a babyface so be careful. Most people saiid I didn’t look my age when I was a kid or teen I looked like I was 13 when I was 17. Sill true today as an adult, of course with facial hair I look older or I look like an adult like 18 19 but I still look young. When I shave fully I definitely look like I am a kid or teenager. An adult female or male can't get away with hooking up with a teenager or minor in real life as easily as online. Now if you are 18 or 19 and you try to hook up with a 17 year old kid about to be 18 than that isn't a big deal and you are both teens. But once you are 20 years old I think that is a problem or an age gap. But if there is an age gap or huge age gap then that is a problem. Speaking of Teenage sex my grandmother on my dad's side was a teenage mom. So people even have free will with their age gap limit. So if people only wanna date people under 30 for instance and over 18 and you are older but not elderly like 50 or elderly like 70 then there’s nothing wrong with that. Hey you are 2 consenting adults. But hey you can be age discriminating that is your free will but I am not obviously again I associate or make real friends no matter how old strictly real friends no sex or dating involved. If you are 18 19 and you are 27 like me it’s not a huge age gap but the older you get obviously the gap increases and soon I will be 28. Also Catfishing for instance happens in real life and online. Whatever else happens in real life or online but it is easier to pull off online. I continue spreading this message and real soon we will have best of both worlds for people who prefer analog and for those who prefer digital. If I knew the fact everything’s always been old school or the fact for short when I was younger this world would be analog and digital at the same time by now. Again not saying get rid of digital or force people to use analog obviously. Again people have free will and I am sure I am not the only one who prefers analog or rather just use analog stuff. Many people prefer analog before I knew the fact and after the fact more and more people will prefer analog. I prefer analog. I rather be an analog engineer. I don’t like how I am forced to use digital or computerized stuff such as a phone. Of course all phones are digital or computerized. I have free will to not use digital stuff just like whoever else but I have no choice since phones are a necessity. I care to be grateful and appreciate needs such as a phone. But phones don’t need to be digital though that’s just how I feel. But again it’s people’s free will to even care or not care about needs or wants. It’s embarrassing that when I was younger I dedicated my whole life or cared about digital or computer stuff which is old school and that I didn’t know about Alan Turing and world war 2 is old school obviously, but that didn’t occur to me. I guess it is not totally my fault that I didn’t know Alan Turing. They don’t teach you about Alan Turing in school history class. Alan turing was a world war 2 hero. Obviously other words come to mind when thinking of world war 2 not just the word old school. If you care to read my posts you will know that I have talked about people having free will in life to let's say do evil or negative things. Some people still don’t get what I am saying for whatever reason is beyond me. My uncle chuck for instance yes I am talking to you, he didn't get what I am saying for whatever reason. So to the people who say world war 2 is not old school or say I don't make sense either you are abnormal or again that is your issue you don't under stand for whatever reason. Just listen to yourself. You don't care to be simple and don't care to be smart or think deeply. This is something so simple. Again I care to be real, smart, and simple. Why do I even waste my time talking to people who want to be difficult and not simple? Again most people get what I am saying. For those who don’t understand what I’m saying I’ll say this so war has been around since the beginning of time or forever. World war 2 was in the late 1930’s and 1940’s. Years are old school. Even names are old school like Alan. I can go on and on. But the idea of names or years or math has been around forever so you see what I am saying. Everything has always been old school or the fact for short. I obviously want everybody to know this fact so that it helps people simply understand life better. Also If anybody simply knows how to help me with getting a job, attending Princeton, getting a car, a passport, besides martial arts, other self defense tips like boxing or getting a gun, my legal situations or guardianship etc please help me out. I can use all the help that I can get or really need. I care to do these things, so many things in my life as I said before. I also care to say again I am real and I am all about more doing then talking. Actions speak louder than words. I visited princeton last year and my profile pic is at princeton in 2022. Another thing is well things do evolve which is cool like cool things such as digital or computer stuff evolving into the internet and digital stuff like google or youtube etc uses the same algorithms or digital tech that Alan turing created in world war 2 and that is old school again of course or can be a bad thing like humans evolving into becoming worse or evil but when everything has always been old school nothing is really new. People born when the modern computer was invented or during world war 2 are called the silent generation and again that is old school obviously. Some people say 1995 is gen z or and some say 1995 is millennials but I don’t care. The idea of Generations is old school or words are old school obviously for instance and the idea of evolving is old school. I can go on and on.

I have had enough of this. No wonder I wanna move out. The fake people in my autism care team and my fake mom want to make me miserable. They are thinking lets make Kenny miserable and have him wait longer and longer to reduce the supervision of my apartment. 8 hours is plenty of supervision for me as that is how much I used to have. They won’t simply give me 8 hours instead they give me 16 hours now they want to reduce the hours by increments so from 24 to 16 which is not necessary or it’s bullcrap! How is 8 hours not enough supervision how do you not see that it’s enough? Why they don’t see 8 hours is enough is beyond me. So I have no independence and not even a key to myself I do have a key but other people like my family and the staff have a key. How would my dad or bro feel if i had a key to their place? I don't like being treated like this or being treated like a kid. I am responsible and safe and I care to be safe or responsible so why do I need 24 hour or too much supervision? I have to wait longer and longer even until my birthday for 8 hours. I have been waiting for the 8 hours for months since last summer. The fake people are trying to waste my youth away. I have wasted my youth even though I am still young but I wasted my life away living here. It’s frustrating how some people who are fake or take advantage of me keep insisting I have mental health issues or I sound mentally ill when I talk about all this. I am tired of people blocking me or banning me or saying I don’t make sense. I know what the hell I am talking about. You can accept the fact that everything’s always been old school or not. It’s your free will. I have been spreading this message since 2022 and real people in real life get what I am saying including Issac from the at&t store shoutouts to you. He gets what I’m saying that everything’s always been old school. I don’t have mental health issues. I just have autism and obviously even though I don’t look like I have autism that is because I am very high functioning. By the way do people think Alan Turing was autistic? Some say he was. This is obvious that it’s not always about health or mental health. Or in other words mental health or health doesn’t involve everything. So for instance obviously people care to be weird in a good or bad way that doesn’t mean they have mental health issues. Of course not all evil people have mental health issues. Before I knew the fact I cared about mental health or pretended to have mental health issues. I don’t care for mental health since I know the fact. Again I don’t have mental health issues and  most people agree with that. Also it’s bs that some people including a fake person in my autism care team say autism is a mental illness. Autism is not a mental illness obviously. But in the 1950’s whatever they put autistic people in asylums with mentally ill people which is wrong. Autistic people didn’t belong there. But society then saw autistic people or any non mentally ill person like Down syndrome etc as abnormal and just threw them in an institution and did lobotomy’s or directing the brain which is horrifying. The r word or r**ard is offensive to autistic or down syndrome people etc. So while I was in dc in 2022, I obviously went to dc superior court house to sue. I wish I went to supreme court. I also wish my court date was sooner, oh well. It’s in march. My living situation can be better. I’m suing hud, my mom, my autism care team, and other people for ruining my home life with this 24 hour supervised apartment from home care staff. This hud program is called section 811 and it’s for people with autism or developmental disabilities. The home care staff or aids is ideal not just for people with developmental disabilities It can be ideal for everybody. But hey it's your free will if you want home care staff.  I obviously get no privacy or no independence. I used to get 8 or less like 4 hour supervision. But I got 24 hours because of the mental health bs. I obviously don’t need 24 hours it’s too much supervision or help unnecessary since I am very high functioning on the spectrum. I like to live somewhere where I have control over the hours and have total privacy and total independence. I have planned to move out since last year. Perhaps I will move out of the country or live in another state where it’s warmer summer all the time like florida but I have heard of sinkholes in florida which is scary and of course it is a hurricane zone there. No wonder it is cheaper to live in certain states, that’s how the corrupt system gets ya. Because I didn’t know what I know now simply I made an idiotic mistake to decide to move out of my parents big house. Not knowing the fact everything’s always been old school has really bitten me in the ass obviously. This mental health crap or guardianship crap is because of not knowing the fact and it has bitten me in the ass. I have no control over the amount of supervision hours. The home care staff people that I have had have all been people of color which is interesting or weird in a good way. It’s just like when I went to a respite hotel when I was 25 it was all females and all people of color. It’s great to have diversity just saying. Anyway the home care staff are real friends of mine, including Abdul, Greg, Temi, and Umarou shoutouts to you all. Although Greg did a gay or bad weird thing one time spanking my butt while I was walking naked. Nothing wrong with being gay of course but it was just weird. I’ve been living there since I was 23. I don’t regret meeting the real friendly staff but I regret living there. If only I met them in an apartment where I had control over the hours or met them some other way when I was younger than 23 and knew the fact. I don’t regret meeting Abdul’s family his wife and 2 kids boy and girl. Abdul in 2022 welcomed me into his home life for the 1st time and I have even slept there. I appreciate that.  I just wasted my quality of life away living in this crappy home life apartment thanks to hud and my mom finding this hud program . I wish I still lived with my parents in their big ass house until my 30’s or older. Again I wish I had more of a social life and knew all what I know now when I was younger and have a man hunt party at my parents house. Man hunt is just hide and seek in the dark it’s fun and ideal in a big house. I’m also suing people who insist I’m mentally ill, including my own mother and my autism care team. I need to get a new autism care team and get a restraining order. It’s no surprise these people are getting sued like my mom because of what I’ve been saying that everything’s always been old school. I am suing psych hospitals or certain doctors, as well and I was in a dc hospital for keeping me there for 3 weeks twice. That is abuse mentally that the fake people in the autism team and my mom kept me there for 3 weeks twice. The reason why I was stuck at the hospital for 3 weeks twice is because my guardian keeps calling the police on me, I am suing the dc police officers as well, and keeps me there longer trying to figure out how to take me back to my crappy home life in nj. She and whoever made false police reports saying I have mental health issues or I am lost or missing need to be put in jail or fined. I didn’t always have my phone off or I when I started to force my self to use digital phones like my flip phone because I rather use analog stuff. So I made sure I called people I let people know where I was I was not missing. Even though I didn’t call right away all the time, I told them I was going to dc or on my way there. She of course doesn’t care sending me back to my crappy home life. Yes the apartment is brand new great but of course who wants to live there with all the supervision issues. Nothing against the many real people there at these hospitals such as these many people at dc hospital piw such as Trevor, Travis, Terrence, Chris, Quevon,  Ms. Lynett, Lonnie, Kristen, Juan, Dr Charles Chainey, Dr husane at centra state, Tiffany at south jersey virtua hospital, and Dr at Delaware hospital. These drs or medical professionals say I don’t have mental health issues or behavioral health issues which are the same thing. But some drs who are idiots or fake say I have mental health issues. During the 3 weeks I was in the hospital twice I even missed thanksgiving and my uncle Jonathan on my dad’s side which he really isn’t my uncle he is my step great uncle but he is really young only in his 40’s. He also looks like Kanye West and he has dreads so he is a cool uncle as well. I was so miserable and tired of being there for 3 weeks that I escaped the hospital but they caught me at the bus stop. I was justified for escaping but some people were angry thinking I was trying to make them lose their job like Trevor.

I was justified for going to dc because again I don’t like where I live in nj and I wanted to escape and have fun in dc. But fake people including my mom have to find something wrong with me going to dc. I even went inside the capitol building and spread the word there. I had fun and I care to be safe. Since I had no money for a hotel or the hotel rooms were all booked I asked a dc police officer who was real friendly not fake and helped me go to a shelter in dc. Frank my real friend from the ymca helped me with a hostile. But of course my mom and the other fake people find a problem with that for some reason. Yes I know shelters can be dangerous but not all of them are obviously or it’s common sense. The shelter the police referred me to is safe since a police officer told me about it. Why would a real police officer stir me in the wrong direction or take advantage of me send me somewhere dangerous? Hostiles are safe from what frank told me but mom and other fake people think otherwise for some reason. I know I didn’t plan the greatest going to dc like I didn’t plan a hotel room in advance but that is not really necessary I have free will again and I am not perfect. My mom or whoever thinking I belong in hospitals, this is why you are getting sued. I wasted my life away in mental institutions. So now I realize people obviously have free will in life. It’s like for instance, if people care to be mature and an immature adult at the same time, like still relying on your parents or still living with your parents which is a good weird not a bad weird. We all think of or do weird things in life good or bad as human beings because humans are weird creatures. People have free will with food or drinks of course or have free will to waste food or drinks. I waste food even as an adult. Of course The idea of food is old school. See, everything has always been old school. I can go on and on. I care to say food is life it’s a fact obviously. I am not a picky eater as much anymore as an adult or late teens. I used to be a picky eater like when I used to take cheese off pizza. Now I love cheese on pizza. People are weird with food in a good way or bad way. But sadly the human body is weird in a bad way when people have food allergies or eating disorders. Like for instance people created or invented food like burgers or pizza. People also like putting fruit on pizza which is a good weird. My dad likes cold peanut butter that’s a good weird. People take pictures or videos of food or take videos or pics of them eating or drinking which is weird in a good way. But it’s your free will what is weird to you or what is a good weird or bad weird. Then later you go to the toilet and poop out what you just ate, maybe you even video record it. People have done good weird things like video record flushing things down a toilet. I prefer to record or take pics of my food or of me being weird in a good way analog style. People can be weird in real life which again is good or bad. People can be weird online thanks to Alan Turing which of course Alan was a weird or interesting guy in a good way like tying a coffee mug to a radiator. I care to be weird in a good way again like making weird funny noises or saying weird words like yas or saying words in a funny weird way in a good way like saying human. The English language is a filthy language and a weird language in a good and bad way. The b word or b**ch means female dog as well. Words like cheese or smell sound weird or are weird words in a good way. People who created languages are weird because Humans are weird creatures again we do so many weird things good or bad I can go on and on and speaking languages is weird in a good way. Somebody not speaking your language sounds weird to you like people speaking African. I used to play hand puppets with my bro Tyler when I was a kid up until I was 17 and made weird funny noises. We pretended the hand puppets were in this tv show, we created this tv show called Tyler and the big city. We were definitely creative or colorful kids in a good weird way. Again We are all different or we all have different preferences or free will. A good different or bad different. Whatever floats your boat even with sexual preferences. Or not be mature at all. I for instance carry around a kiddie abc blanket I’ve had since I was 6 years old and wear a suit and tie and adult diapers at the same time. I would wear diapers when I was an older kid or teenager as well if I knew the fact. I wore diapers when I was a teenager like 13-14 because I wet the bed and I cared about digital stuff and was addicted would not get up to go to the bathroom. Wetting the bed happens sometimes to a lot of people kid or adult. But having pee or poop stains in your underwear as an adult or older kid is immature and weird in a good and bad way I suppose. Poop jokes can be funny. If a female adult or older kid has pee or poop stains in their underwear or wherever or does masculine disgusting stuff I find that funny or weird in a good and bad way. See keeping my theory in mind about females being based off males again and we are all human. I have poop stains in my underwear as well as an adult or older kid.I got a guardian because of the mental health bs, people saying I am mentally ill is bulls**t. I need to go to court to be my own guardian. I get SSI for my autism only no mental health issues. People don’t have to care about health or mental health. it’s your free will. I used to care about health or mental health, but not anymore since I know the fact. So I even care to get fat. No offense that I say fat. I know some overweight people can’t help being obese but still it’s your free will to stay obese. I even smoke tobacco since last year 2022. Now I play sports for fun not because it’s healthy. I would like to play sports in Princeton like maybe American football, wrestling, hockey or some masculine sport. I sports that are fast paced like European football, basketball etc. baseball is a slow pace but I still like it. I wish I was a better athlete growing up. I did play recreation sports as a kid such as basketball or American football but I quit football and played baseball when I was a kid but not until the late age of 12. I was decent probably below average at baseball and other sports.

Now since everything’s always been old school, negative things don’t bother me as much such as evil because what do you expect when the fact is everything’s always been old school and again obviously people have free will to do evil or negative things. Like saying the n word or racism. N**ga or Ni**er. I say n**ga and it doesn’t bother me as much. Not all people of color are gangsters or thugs. The stereotypes of minorities for ya. Sadly traevon Martin was wearing a hood and stereotypes again people think people of color are dangerous if you wear a hood. I am afraid to wear a hood sometimes. Why do people think for instance that people of color only like Rap music or basketball or certain food like fried chicken?  I am a person of color and I love music like alternative or pop music or rock and roll or metal or goth and country music. Poetry is old school poetry was in other music like rock music like ac dc long way to the top song so did people of color really invent poetry music? I love other food besides the stereotypical food obviously. A lot of people like fried chicken not just people of color. I wanna get better at playing the drums. I played drums as a kid. If I knew everything’s always been old school or the fact for short when I was a kid I would have cared to do so much like become a better or professional drummer or guitarist or become a rapper or be batter at skateboarding. I am not a great rapper but I can become better and practice freestyling. Singing though, yeah I am an awful singer that won’t ever happen. But perhaps I can scream in a metal song. Liking rock or metal or playing rock or metal instruments or rap or like rapping or skateboarding is masculine as well. I love hockey and other fast paced sports. It doesn’t bother me as much that I sort of did bestiality. I did bestiality well sort of when I was a kid 13-14 years old and I continued to do it up until 20 years old. I have talked about my sort of bestiality habit in an online video on youtube before but now I deleted it because back then I cared about mental health. I say I sort of did bestiality because I only let the dog lick my mouth and I jerked off to the dog licking my mouth. That’s all I ever did with the dog. I am not perfect, I am human just like everybody else I care to say that. If you wanna be judgemental or prejudge then that’s your free will but hey everybody has something to hide. I simply don’t care what judgmental or fake people think. I do idiotic or weird stuff a lot. I of course even have free will to share my darkest secret my sort of bestiality dark secret.  Charlie Wills my real friend and sex therapist told me I sort of did bestiality. So I thank him. By the way I have known Charlie Wills since I was 24. If I knew everything’s always been old school aka the fact for short when I was younger I wish I met people like Charlie when I was younger even younger than 24. Anyway If I want to do that sort of bestiality habit again, it doesn’t bother me because again everything’s always been old school it does not bother me as much. Maybe I will do it again. Maybe I will make a sort of bestiality porn video lol just kidding. Ah dark humor. By the way I would like to do masculine stuff like learn martial arts or learn boxing mma or join the military like join the marines or be a military police officer. I care to be strong not muscular or toned since I don’t care for health again. I went to a martial arts class recently and in the past when I was a teen I did martial arts but I stopped. I care to do so much in my life, so many more things. Like let’s say sky diving, that is a masculine or extreme thing to do even though it’s scary dangerous but fun. Or to travel the world to great places like greece. I need to get a passport. But of course free will of my mom to treat me like a kid I don’t like it obviously and she has my birth certificate and social security card I gotta get my own or get it from her. I was born or from Livingston New Jersey by the way. I would like to drive a motorcycle and drive a pickup truck or muscle car masculine stuff. There is so much masculine stuff or things to do. Again I prefer analog stuff so if only these vehicles were not digital or computerized. Again people have free will with let’s say not drive or not have a license not use transportation at all. Free will to not be mature or not to be adulting. I first got my drivers license at 17. People have free will do do whatever at any age. I failed my 1st drivers test.  I was not the most mature 17 year old kid or teenager. I had a lot of meltdowns or I cried like a baby. Shoutouts to my driver teacher mike. The idea of transportation is old school of course.

Another thing, I’m still a virgin, no born again virgin bs. Not to be vulgar but, I don't know how else to say this. I have never done oral, anal, nor vaginal. But I have done fetish stuff with a female like ass and feet. I licked a females wrinkled soles. I almost got a foot job. A female rubbed her feet on my pants or crotch. I never eaten ass only touched ass on a female. By the way Jason again my real friend he said a funny good weird thing he said in front of people in public that he eats ass lol. I never kissed a females mouth. This female I am talking about is Ashley Bernard by the way. I have only done these things with only 1 female in my life. Sex isn’t everything obviously. People who wear skimpy clothing like tank tops when it’s not appropriate. I like wearing tank tops and Gay males wear tank tops or basketball shorts or whatever kind of shorts which are skimpy. People like to dress for fashion when it’s not always about sex or looks. Appearance isn’t always about sex. People just like to simply have a ponytail it doen’t mean they wanna look sexy. What turns people on can be a good or bad weird. Again we are weird creatures as humans in a good and bad way. So people doing weird things in a good way like wearing ponytails is a good weird and turns people on like it turned me on. People going to the club doesn’t mean everybody goes to the club to date or have sex. I am not a great dancer but I can become a great dancer. Shoutouts to this 1 older guy who had the greatest dance moves you will see in your life. He is the dancing machine. Anyway obviously everybody has cheating thoughts, key word thoughts. There are so many sexy or too hot people on this planet. No wonder people get in open relationships or one night stands. My theory is females are based off men. Or in other words the female body is just a modified male body. So females are not special or in other words we are all human. We are also all different, human life is weird. The human body is weird again or complex. The human brain is very complex or weird body part. There are so many weird body parts including a female or males private parts. Human life is also difficult or unfair and many other things. What do you expect when everything’s always been old school. I for instance can’t grow a full or long beard. It’s so patchy, that’s just genetics for ya. Again everybody is different. I din’t start getting facial hair until probably 17. I was a late bloomer. Other kids in school were able to grow a full non patchy long beard at 14 15 16. I wish I had a full beard or 20/20 vision or be taller etc. See again nobody is perfect. By the way I am 5’8. I Some kids had growth spurts at an earlier age like 14 15 16 and were like 5 ‘7 at 12 and grew to over 6 foot at 15. I didn’t grow to 5”8 until like 18 years old. They say for males you don’t end puberty until your 20’s. Females being based off males or my theory. Keeping my theory in mind. Females start puberty earlier than males. The human body is weird once again. It’s only human. The human brain is fully developed at your mid 20’s or 25.  Also I am the oldest of 3. But I don’t feel like I am the oldest since I am shorter than my bro. On top of that he is the co guardian. Mom is the main guardian. Anyway I have a younger bro named Tyler and the youngest is my sis Lauren. My sis is 23. My bro is taller than me and he is almost 25 years old. He is like 5”11. Same with my dad and my uncle mike. My uncle mike is the oldest yet he is shorter than my dad. Uncle mike is 5”7. My dad is 5”9. My Uncle chuck is like 6”3 but maybe he has shrunk now. My grandpa or poppy was tall as well. Of course I didn’t get those genetics but instead I got their patchy beard genetics. Poppy and uncle chuck are on my moms side. My dad and uncle chuck are about 60 years old. My uncle mike is in his 60’s. By the way my cool uncle chuck shoutouts to you he used to work for luther vandross and now works for Toni Braxton. He works for other people I think and shoutouts to Uncle Cedric but he is not really my uncle he is my uncle’s real friend. Of Course it’s scary getting older and you shrink so I might be wrong about their height now. I also wish I didn’t have autism or aspergers. People don’t call It aspergers anymore its asd. Autism is good and bad or a good weird and bad weird. People will also hate you for being weird or different because you have autism. What is normal when all humans are weird in a good r bad way? If I were neurotypical I would obviously be the same person that I am now except I would be able to talk before 3 years old and have better social skills and talking about everything’s always been old school etc. F**k what people or society says. I can get a job without going to an autism program. I know I can still do great things in my life with having very high functioning autism. I can still get a job and maintain it. I am responsible and will be on time. But again nobody is perfect so mistake happen it’s only human I care to say. In school even in high school I was in classes with 2 teachers or I had an iep or I took speech therapy in school because of my autism. I wish I was in honor classes or regular classrooms. 1 time in middle school I tried 1 teacher classes but I couldn’t handle I guess. I wasn’t at the top of my class or didn’t have the greatest grades like in high school for instance. In my high school freehold township high school I took the sat test and failed. I can do better especially if I want to get into Princeton free scholarship. I took speech therapy from elementary all through out high school. I was involved in autism social skills groups inside and outside of high school. Does it bother me that I have autism? A little bit but since everything’s always ben old school things don’t bother me as much or not at all. I again do care to be grateful in life. It can be worse. I could have worse conditions like cancer etc. Again facts are that life is many things, life is difficult, life is difficult for everybody obviously. I am grateful but again it’s your free will to let’s say to be grateful or not.  Anyway The bible says man was created first ya da ya da. Controversial stuff aside, I believe men was created 1st. In other words the human body is weird. It’s like my sister who looks like me with a shaved face and long hair. But who knows if men was created first. It’s like the chicken or the egg. It’s interesting that in the womb, males start out as females.

For instance You can have free will to not be original or not be real or not be yourself or copy other people. Again everybody is different. I care to say be your self be real. I care to be my real self that’s my free will. If people try to make you be something you are not or not don’t care about your real self than they are fake people. You don’t need them in your life. For instance dating or marrying somebody don’t date or marry somebody who doesn’t love you for your real self. People have free will of course to get married or not get married. My parents are divorced marriage is not for everybody. Many people get divorced. My dad is financially hurt by the divorce or alimony. I am not interested in dating or getting married because I wanna stay a virgin that is my free will because everything’s always been old school and again females are not special when thinking of my theory females being based off males or the female body is just the male body modified. Sex isn’t everything. Everybody has cheating thoughts there are so many too hot or sexy people on this earth it is difficult to resist. I don’t wanna pro create either that is my free will. Bringing kids in this world is not for me because everything’s always been old school or life is difficult so I don’t want my kids to suffer. Humans compete with each other you have free will to compete with each other like in sports or whatever. There is a lot of competition in life with whatever like businesses in the corrupt system. People even have free will to not ever get a job in your life or be immature. People don’t wan’t to work or don’t have to work that’s their free will. People can have free will to get whatever job they want to. Well unless the job is open but you know what I mean. People can have free will to get social security money. Working in the corrupt system whether you love or hate your job. Jobs that are physically demanding or blue collar or masculine jobs like truck driving or construction or civil engineering or garbage truck driver or waste management. Again life is difficult. Some jobs can be demanding mentally or stressful like being a surgeon. I am considering being a surgeon or brain surgeon that is a masculine job or tough manly job. But that requires a long time of medical school. 4 years in regular school and 4 years in medical school. Jobs that require a lot of work like big truck driving transport or delivery or working in a factory or working at the cargo bay ships. This is the system or corrupt system on worldwide for ya. I am considering being a big mail truck driver or a garbage worker. I thank the real people who work hard in the corrupt system or contribute to the society or the corrupt system which is good and bad obviously. You are not always going to feel like going to work or doing your job even if you love your job. Something you love to do like an activity you won't always feel like doing it. You can also have free will with let's say privacy or hiding your dirty little secrets. Again nobody is perfect everybody has something to hide. Free will to lock the bathroom door around strangers acquaintances or real friends or family whoever. I lock the bathroom door around whoever as well. Free will with so much I can go on and on. Speaking of privacy or boundaries. I know people with asd can have difficulty with let’s say boundaries. I want to say this to James Jackson a real friend of mine if you are reading this, I was minding my own business and not exposing myself to you. I was covering myself while I was masturbating so I don’t appreciate your mean attitude. I wasn’t breaking your boundaries or bothering you. Sometimes real friends argue or fight just like family again. I care about my real friends and how they feel, real friends have each others back of course or will always be there for you. Fake people of course will only show up when let’s say you became rich or popular or want something from you take take take. Real people can get jealous but not jealous like hating you. Real people are happy for you but wish they were like this or that or have this or that. Everybody is not real or not your real friend obviously. For instance somebody with autism can be fake. Anybody can be fake obviously. Again I don’t care about mental health or awareness of it. I want my real friends to not die or kill themselves but I still do not care about mental health awareness. I still associate with people who let’s say care about health or are healthy or care about mental health or who do have mental health issues or care about digital or computer stuff because that is their free will. But I am not interested in that stuff again or I prefer analog stuff. I met real people or real friends who care about mental health at mental health programs like cpc or high focus countless others because this was before I knew the fact. Obviously if I knew everything’s always been old school or the fact for short when I was younger I would have never cared for health or or cared for digital stuff or never went to these facilities or programs. But I wish I met these real people some other way and perhaps that could of happened.

I care to be simple, real, and smart obviously. Again shoutouts to Charlie Wills my genuine friend. Charlie Wills has a nice ring to it lol. Charlie Wills is a funny or weird guy too in a good way. Another thing, so about becoming a parent. Well again I’m still a virgin. I’m not sure if I simply want to have kids. I feel or believe I want to remain a virgin forever. I watch porn by the way. I watch gay and straight porn. Porn can be addicting. I do prefer analog porn but since we live in this digital world ,for now, I watch digital porn or online porn. I download so much offline porn . Thanks to Alan turing we have access to so much porn billions of porn. Mind boggling. No wonder people watch porn because everybody has cheating thoughts and there are so many too hot sexy people on this earth including on porn websites. Porn or only fans or modeling or stripping or phone sex line person, if you are in a relationship is like being in an open relationship or swinging you have cheating thoughts because you are exposing yourself to people. Strippers or Prostitution is degrading to humans gay or straight by the way. The internet was made for many things including porn thanks to Alan Turing. If I knew everything’s always been old school or the fact for short when I was a kid teen I would never watch or look at porn in my life. Obviously porn is not having sex or doing it for real. I don’t care to have sex and I care to watch porn at the same time. But since I didn’t know the fact when I was younger I guess you can say I am addicted to porn but I am not I can live my life without porn or I am not depended on it. But since I exposed myself to porn since I didn’t know the fact the porn videos or images are stuck in my memory forever. Porn can be addicting and you want more and more porn because you can get tired of the same porn. I specifically watch homemade or real porn. Professional porn is fake and is degrading to human beings. I won’t stand for sexual assault or rape or abuse or sexual harassment, or bothering people or bullying, or degrading humans it’s inhumane. Keeping my theory in mind, When I adopt kids I will protect my son or daughter from fake people if they decide to date or have sex. Evil People like Adrian Peterson are pieces of human garbage seeking negative attention. But people like Chris brown who hit Rhianna. Even if my theory is not correct we are still all human. Females are not special so if a female attacks or hits me I will fight back. Also again loved ones or real friends fight each other sometimes physically or verbally like arguing. Rhianna was hitting Chris so Chris was angry or upset so he had every right to be physical with Rhianna. Again females are not special they are just like us males and my theory again females are based off males remember that if you care to. Rhianna is a very attractive human. Ashley and Tracy are attractive humans as well. So are many other humans like pornstars Alexis Texas or Isis Taylor or Syren De mer or Noemilk or the trans Foxxy, the word tranny can be offensive by the way, or beauty Dior or wet peaches or Angelina Jolie or Beyonce or Alexandria ocasio Cortez or Cardi B or Kim kardashian or Ingrid Neilson, she is mixed of asian and Caucasian by the way, wow you never know who is mixed sometimes. I can go on and on. Again you have free will with watching porn and having sex or not and having free will to prefer what is too hot or sexy to you. You can say for instance Alexis Texas is not attractive or not your type oh she doesn’t have wrinkled soles, which actually from what I have seen she dosen’t have wrinkled soles or not the most wrinkled soles I have seen in my life, but again see everybody is different every human does not have wrinkled soles, so you say she’s not my type which is ok that is your opinion or your preference or free will. To the people who rape, just know my theory if you care to acknowledge it and if you are a fake person or rapist who is spiritual or religious you believe males are created 1st or females are based off man cause the male body or rib was used to create the female. So again the female body is a male body modified or females are not special. Controversial stuff aside. My real friends Ashley Bernard and Tracy are sadly a victims of sexual assault. Shoutouts to Tracy aka Tracey chapman lol I call her tracy chapman by the way. But again you guys are victors not victims.  Anyway it wasn’t right at all for Chris to hit Rhianna back. Nothing wrong with getting angry obviously but getting too angry can lead to this. So I like Chris brown he is not an evil piece of human garbage in this case he made an idiotic mistake a big one but I forgive him. Chris didn’t intentionally want to abuse Rhianna. I dislike people at Ubisoft who were sexually harassing , same with Activision, and Konami was abusive as well. The creator of rayman was not involved in the harassment by the way. I also dislike people like Dr Dre for  beating up women, or 2pac raping a female, Phife Dawg for being an abuser as he mentions abuse in his butter song, or John Lasseter being a rapist, Louis CK being a rapist, or Kevin spacey attempting to be a gay rapist pedophile , bill cosby for raping females, Andrew. Tate for rape and human trafficking, r kelly for human trafficking and pedophilla. or racist people like the papa johns guy or whatever your name is keemstar. I can’t stand these people. I won’t support people who I don’t like obviously. But I still like a tribe called quest I just don’t like fife dawg. Just because I dislike 1 individual does not mean I dislike everybody else like a tribe called quest you get what I am saying ? I am sure you do. I just like the tribe songs without phife whatever your name is and just with q tip. Why q tip associated with somebody who is abusive is beyond me but hey that is he free will. Q tip is definitely one of the goats musicians when it comes to rap I care to say. Q tip has a distinct voice too. You know it’s q tip when you hear his voice. Q tip is also underrated or not as popular as let’s say Jay-z or Biggie. I like Jay z and biggie they are goats as well. Before I knew the fact a guy online exposed tribe to me, can’t remember his name, and my uncle chuck likes tribe as well. If its a song with mostly q tip in it I will skip fife dawg. I prefer the songs with only q tip or without fife. By the way shoutouts to Brian smollon again my genuine friend he introduced me to a song champion by chipmunk featuring Chris brown. Chipmunk? I know that is a funny or weird name in a good way to me. It’s a good song if you care to engage in it. Chris brown mentions his incident with Rhianna in the song talking abut how he saw his father beat up his mom and asks if he is like his his dad? Again people have free will in life to do negative things or evil such as sexual assault. People have free will to not care about consent. Now are you evil or a piece of human garbage for let’s say scamming people or stealing or robbery and not killing people? No, of course that is a negative thing but that doesn’t make you evil. You are a fake person and not my real friend obviously. What does make you evil or a piece of human garbage is abusing people or being anti-gay or sexism or racism or raping people or abusing animals or killing people etc. You wonder how these people sleep at night? Again it’s your free will to do evil. I support the lgbtqiap community of course. I am all for let’s say gay people or females or minorities having equal human rights or being an entrepreneur. Even people of color like myself can be entrepreneurs. I can be an entrepreneur if I wanted to maybe I will be one. Maybe own or create a moving company. Moving is a tough job and masculine or physically demanding.

Anyway Again I did bestiality sort of and some say bestiality is a form of abuse which I disagree. If you are beating the animal up then yeah that is abuse obviously. Having sex with an animal, as messed up as it is, is not abuse it’s just having sex. Yes animals can’t give consent but it is still not abuse to me and animals lives are important but are not as important as human lives. So I say pedophilia is worse than bestiality. Bestiality with a young non adult animal like an infant is like pedophillia. But people have free will again, free will to have a pet or not, if you love your pet too much like bestiality or you just like your pet more than humans than that’s your free will. I understand because sometimes you don’t like people like fake people so you love pets more or you are not a people person so you get away from fake people a lot of times just be to yourself or with your pet. Perhaps I will get a pet again like a cat or turtle. Scary pets like spiders or snakes I probably won’t but maybe since it is a masculine thing to do. The Human species are animals as well but not wld animals. Of course some humans are like wild animals such as evil people. It’s not surprising people do negative things like bestiality or sort of do bestiality like me because everything’s always been old school or the fact for short. Bestiality is obviously a bad weird and it’s foul and wrong but hey people have free will again. Bestiality is still illegal even though it’s not an evil thing to do it’s still a negative thing to do. So people deserve to go to prison or jail for evil things but if you get falsely accused of something like being falsely accused of rape then I feel sorry for you. People of color get thrown in prison for being falsely accused. I know gay males are victims of sexual assault or rape. But you are not a victim you are a victor. Females obviously can also be predators of f**ked up evil things like raping males or pedophillia. Saying wh**e or bi**h or sl*t or c**t are degrading words. Obviously saying the b word in this context we are in this bitch is like saying we are in this place which I say that and there’s nothing wrong with saying that. Although if a female is rude or racist or mean or fake I will call them a b**ch etc to teach them a lesson see how it feels to be degraded or bullied taste of your own medicine. If you care to treat people the way you want to be treated golden rule then that’s your free will of course. So maybe I will adopt kids. I will raise my adopted kids with physical discipline which there is nothing wrong with that. If my kids talk when not necessary or are disrespectful I will physically discipline or ass whoop with a belt and they need to simply please shut up or shut the f**k up for being idiots. We are all idiots or do idiotic stuff it’s only human I care to say. Obviously Many people have gotten physical discipline including my self like a belt whooping or soap in the mouth. Now it depends when my kids are older like 12 or so and use swear or say offensive or vulgar words to me or in front of me I won’t physically discipline see I will be a cool dad. It is cool to me and many people to swear or say certain words but not too much. Some people don’t like swear words or vulgar or offensive words but sometimes it slips out we are all human. There is a certain age you can let your say words like that. People even have free will to not like swear words or raise your kids how you want to. That is my free will so I won’t give them the soap in the mouth or smacking or spank when they are like 12 years old. Maybe 12 is still a little young but you know what I mean. But if my kid son or daughter is dissing me like saying dad you are a f**king b**ch ass n**ga no matter how old they are I will smack them. If they are like 6 years old yeah I will give the soap etc. If my kids don’t feel like doing chores or get distracted in home life than I will confiscate something from them like if they like analog stuff like their analog hdtv with component then I will take the cable away but if my kids prefer digital stuff like a hdtv with hdmi than I will take the cable away. I won’t force my kids to use analog stuff since I will give them free will with that but of course I will raise them with the fact make sure they know the fact everything’s always been old school. When they are little kids or infants I will raise them with analog stuff and see if they like it. Kids or teens having analog cell phones is important since phones are a need. I say the right age for a kid to have an analog cell phone is like 7 or 8 or an age old enough that kids understand things better in life or understand how to use a phone. If I knew the fact when I was a kid I would have for instance done my chores and not gotten distracted by digital stuff and never ever use digital stuff in my life. I know there is no life hand book or schools don’t teach you to know how to let’s say raise your kids and again nobody is perfect but to those who physically or verbally abuse people or your kids you ought to know it’s wrong. If you are a kid for instance at a certain age you are old enough to know right from wrong. I am thinking of adopting a boy and girl they can be asian or white or whatever we are all human. Anyway My grandpa on my dad’s side had kids at a young age like 18 and abused my dad and uncle mike physically and verbally. My grandma and grandma divorced when my dad and uncle were really young and my grandma took my aunt Nicole with her. I don’t like what my grandpa did but I still love my grandpa unconditionally because he is still my grandpa and he is still alive by the way. If he wasn’t my grandpa I would not like him at all. My great grandpa on my dad’s side was abused physically and verbally I am sure as well. So it was a cycle but my dad broke the cycle. My dad has the same name as me by the way but I am not a jr. His middle name is Marshall. I will never abuse my kids or never treat them like kids when they are adults at 18. I will always look out for my kids but still not treat them like kids treat them like adults. My mom and other fake people treat me like a kid and I don't deserve that treatment. But hey people have free will with let’s say not treating your kids like adults when they grow up. I will never find them a home they are not happy with or never put them in mental hospitals when they are not mentally ill did not do anything wrong or not treat them like adults when they grow up unlike my mom who treats me like s**t. Or never keep them from seeing their grandparents or family. My mom even didn’t let me in to my grandmothers or my nana. I came there late at night which was not my fault because I got off the wrong train by mistake and I got lost. This shows my mom is terrible. My nana is 86 years old nobody is getting any younger and I simply wanted to see her. My grandpa or poppy on my mom’s side and my grandma on my dad’s side are dead. Poppy died in 2015 at 82 of health issues and Grandma died in 2016 at only in her 60’s because of cancer.

I miss real friends or family who are gone. I can’t be too hard on myself that I didn’t get a chance to tell the fact everything’s always been old school to everybody on earth who are dead now. Dead from anything like dead from covid. For instance I would never be able to tell the fact to people who died on 9/11. I was too young only 6 years old. There is a certain age I think 7 where you learn how to understand words and sentences etc better. So I would have been able to tell or know or understand the fact by 7 years old. I just wasted my life, my youth, or time away not knowing this fact. But hey people can even have free will to waste their life or time away or not do anything with their life. Obviously I care to live a great life or do something with my life. I didn’t get chance to tell the fact to people who died from whatever. I didn’t get a chance to tell the fact to people who died from let’s say covid. I didn’t get a chance to tell the fact to my uncle kermit on my dad’s side  He died in 2022 of smoking tobacco. He was like in his 70’s I think. My real friend Kimberly died in 2018 of overdose. So my mom got a Lyft for me to go back to New jersey from Pennsylvania with my ssi money and not let me see nana. She owes me money. So anyway Bringing kids in this world when everything's always been old school, is it really worth it? I know we gotta pro create to keep the human species alive, but again people have free will in life. I don’t want to bring kids in this world because  It will be difficult for them to accept the fact everything’s always been old school or life is difficult. I don’t want to bring them in this world and make them miserable and they didn’t ask to be born. Nobody was asked to be born in life. Of course pro creating can bring a real or genuine person onto this earth or bring an evil or fake person on this earth like hitler for instance. People have free will to care or think about their existence. Why am I here? Why are we here? What is the purpose or meaning of life or my life? Human life is weird or mysterious. How did humans and everything else in life come to be? Again controversial stuff or the Big Bang theory aside. Outer space is weird or mysterious. You wonder what is out there. Deep thinking bout life, deep thoughts deep serious talk indeed. I care to say that yes you can have those questions but you still have a purpose in your life. It’s your life. It’s simple to think or say this that you gotta live your life to the fullest if you care to and even though it’s difficult or scary we will never know what happens in the after life there is nothing you can do about it but you still gotta simply live life that is all you can simply do. Nobody’s life is perfect but you can care or have free will to make it better. Life is too short to be miserable. There is a lot to think about life or your life. Life is difficult but try not to give up. Don’t give up. I care to say that. Try to motivate yourself by whatever motivates you to not give up find something that motivates you if you care to and it’s your free will again. They say live in the moment or enjoy life or love life if you care to it’s your free will. Sometimes you gotta look at at the past and you can still live in the now and the past never goes away like the fact everything’s always been old school and computers or digital being invented in world war 2 is a fact of the past and is important to know. It’s your free will to forget the past but you really can’t forget the past entirely or too much. Everybody doesn't have to pro create or have sex. Look at asexuals, my genuine friend Charlie Wills is asexual. Like I've been saying its no surprise people have free will with let’s say to not pro create or to never kiss or never date or never have sex in your life because everything's always been old school. A lot of family members I don’t get to see often like my cousin Barbara on my mom’s side ,I don’t think I ever met you, or have never met like my older cousins on my dad’s side Tiffany and Ecaterina I have met them but I haven’t met my aunt myrtle on my mom’s side who died in 2019 I didn’t get a chance to tell the fact as well. I wish I got to see them more often and knew the fact when I was younger. But hey people eve have free will to be estranged from family or not see family often. I really would like to start seeing my family more often.

So speaking of family there are pics of my family online. Real people in my family unlike my fake mom I obviously dislike my mom and fake people. Real friends are like family. We argue sometimes but we still love each other. Just like one time I fought my dad physically when I was 20 in 2016 because I walked away by myself in the hospital which made him upset and I had no cell phone if only I knew the fact then and had an analog cell phone. I understand he was looking out for me not treating me like a kid but he didn’t have to get this angry, my dad has had anger issues like this in the past. Sadly I think because of his abuse he is angry like this. So my dad fought me and when he found me he pushed me against the wall and then we started the fight a big commotion in the hospital. A real friend of mine cherann I am sure she didn’t intentionally wanna hurt me or be fake lie or be mean to get me in trouble with the police. She made an idiotic mistake big time. I forgive her for it. One thing I will say is most police officers are real or genuine and not fake.  So this incident happened before I knew the fact and I was bothered by police brutality of minorities or police brutality to anybody. I was 23 at the time in 2018. It dosen’t bother as much now since I know the fact. I respect that and thank you for your service. Thanks officer mike, officer Neil, officer nick Petrone,  officer Jose, Officer Frank, Officer John and female officer Sgt Black of Aberdeen nj shoutouts to you, shoutouts to the Aberdeen dispatcher can’t think of your name but you know who you are, shoutouts to all real people who are police officers. Zack pittius my real friend is a police officer thanks for your service. Real friends or real people obviously lie but not lying to hurt people which that is what fake people do obviously or they take advantage of you etc. I care to be positive obviously and I again care to be real. You can’t always be positive in life obviously. Shout outs to my cousin Noah Reid for the suit and tie swag. That’s what’s up. Shoutouts to John aka the report of the week for he has suit and tie swag as well and he of course has free will to wear suit and tie all the time it’s a good weird. John also knows food is life. My suit & tie swag as well as my tattoos which I want to get re done, one tattoo needs to say real people love life instead of positive people love life. Calvin Klein, nike Adidas Jordan like my Adidas hat wearing it front or backwards or on the side, or Adidas shoes or Adidas hoodie, nike socks etc swag, my timex analog watch, my ear rings that I got recently, my gold chain last year in 2022, and my owl ring and purple ring in 2022. The musician drake likes owls by the way. I like Drake. Purple ring purple ring you get that reference there? I like prince. RIP Prince. I plan to get dreads as well. Hopefully I will do so much before my 28th birthday like get a job or get a vehicle. I am close to 30 and never had a job etc it’s a little embarrassing but oh well. I need to get a fancy hat and business suit case for my suit and tie swag. Noah gave me this snazzy swag suit which actually the brand of the suit is called cousins formal wear. What do ya know? lol So people even have free will to dress how they want to or care how you wanna look. Fashion or apparel is old school. I have free will or I care to dress this way. People have free will to say what is cool neat or not neat or cool to them or positive or not positive. To most people being smart and real and simple is cool like me for instance. People have free will to be positive. People have free will to be negative. People have free will to be neutral. Shout outs to many genuine friends but here are a few such as Brian Silva, George A. Shank, Steven Ginter, Abdul, Charlie Wills, Umarou, George Acosta, James Jackson, and Theodore Wilson aka Oz. If you care to engage in his rap music, oz trilogy, please check him out on sound cloud or whatever. If only his music were analog. Also oz is a funny guy or weird in a good way because talks fast or the way he talks is funny to me. I know real people like me who like to remake whatever into analog. Shoutouts to my real friend Frank Stabile aka Frank from the ymca lol I like to call him Frank from the ymca I care to be weird or funny that is a good weird. Frank is a funny or weird guy in a good way. Frank has great taste in music by the way. I have known frank since I was 20 in 2015. I first heard the songs not with me and this dying soul in 2015 thanks to frank introducing me to not with me and dying soul. He likes the songs bizarre love triangle by new order, not with me by superior, this dying soul by dream theater, paradise city by guns and roses, pacific coast party by smash mouth, and butterfly by crazy town. Although sadly Frank has cancer. Frank Stabile is his full real name or he likes to go by Frank Beltane. Frank is only in his 30's like 33 or 32. I think 33. I hope you recover well Frank. If you care to support his fund raiser please do so. He prefers zelle so that he gets more funds no fees or taxes. 9087704157 gofund.me/b5680d8b  

here are my other everything's always been old school videos on twitch  and theodore's music if you care to engage in this.

If you made it this far thanks for caring to read my long messages. I had a lot to say about life and this fact. Again please spread the word or share my videos.  I think I have said plenty lol. 20 paragraphs damn. This is the most I have ever written or typed in my life most likely. It took hours ad days to type all this.

I wanna simply say that I am so overwhelmed or my brain is overloaded by typing these long messages. So many thoughts or things to say. There is a ton to say about life or my life that it's overwhelming me. I typed or said so much that the it’s not even funny or sometimes messages won’t fit when I post them. I suppose I have said enough for now. Maybe I will add more stuff. I’ll simply say that people understand what I'm saying when I say the fact everything's always been old school or fact for short. I wanna say more about the fact but I am sure people get the gist of it or that what I say or wanna say is obvious because of the fact. So I guess it's not necessary for me to type or say all this. I know I have a ton of great things or great points to say but this is becoming way too much too frickin long. I typed 20 paragraphs. It's like I am trying to write a very long novel like harry potter geez man.  

www.soundcloud.com/theodore-wilson-29413860/oztrillogy-da-introvert-the

www.twitch.tv/videos/1686521188?t=00h10m44s

https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1687426574?t=00h14m50s

By the way I was on cspan talking about everything’s always been old school or the fact for short, if you care to watch. timestamp is 11:01 c-span.org/video/?524145-4/washington-journal-news-headlines-viewer-calls

#princeton #maryville #ymca #BenedictCumberbatch #TheImitationGame #oldschool #gay #queer #lgbt #lgbtqia #lgbtqiap #alanturing #autism #life #cancer

#worldwar2 #school #college #job #music #movies #tv #book #entertainment #cars #truck #motorcycle #podcasts #politics #radio #home #food #facts #technology #tech #computers #onlineshopping #realfriends #family  #friends #baby #kids

[wiggles-mcgee]

Another opinion is that I don't hate Mabel Pines - I adore her, actually. This occurred to me because I've met a lot of people who don't like her, because they find her annoying or selfish, and I get it and can understand that perspective, but I don't feel the same. She has moments like that, but she's a sibling, and a child, and a human being. As someone who is or has been all three of these I think its perfectly acceptable. Nobody's perfect.

The selfishness I can see why people say that - Dipper sacrifices a lot for her throughout the show, and Mabel doesn't seem to return that. But even if there are less of these moments, we do see Mabel doing the same when it matters. And she supports her brother with her enthusiasm and optimism and deep, genuine care for him. They rely on eachother a lot even if they are capable of being independent, because they choose to support eachother. She's not a perfect sibling, but neither is Dipper, who wants to look cool and mature and fit in, namely because he wants recognition and validation and not to he seen as some scrawny little kid, and he has intentionally or unintentionally treated Mabel poorly because of it (Summerween is an obvious example, but his initial behaviour in The Inconveniencing also stands out to me as a prime example of this). So both have treated eachother a little bad because of a little selfishness, at the end of the day.

What is most important is that Mabel and Dipper are still kids - 12, turning 13 this summer, and that is key to their characters from my point of view. Mabel is shown to be a girl who's a little scared of growing up, and is just starting to meet the point of her life where people look at her and her behaviours and interests and quirks and no longer go "oh, how sweet!" but rather "oh, weird". This is really well emphasised in her conflicting interactions with Pacifica and her friendship with Grenda and Candy. And I completely get it. Dipper is a kid who has been nerdy his whole life, has always experienced being called weird and being a bit of a social reject. But Mabel is a kid who in elementary school/middle school has been popular because she is nice. And now she's being called weird too, which she has never experienced. The cruelty of others is affecting her too now, and she is struggling. 

At least, this is my interpretation of these characters. Dipper wants to not be treated like a child, to be recognised as capable and mature, and to be considered cool or fit in. Mabel is scared to grow up and lose the wonder she sees in the world, because being an adult doesn't seem perfect anymore. I may be projecting onto the twins a little, but its because I have always strongly related to the both of them. I've always struggled with liking things and books and media and behaving in ways which are perceived as childish and therefore uncool. I've hidden lots of my interests and fandoms because of this, tried to act like a mature person when I'm literally still a teenager. I need to grow up, I want to fit in with my friends and want to be cool, but I also don't want to lose my childhood innocence and wonder and creativity, even though to an extent I already have. But I can't go back to that era - the future comes for us all, and nothing stays the same forever. 

Dipper and Mabel have always represented this conflict I have with myself for me, and so both of them are dear to me. Both remind me different facets of my childhood self and my current self. I'm resolving this now, and much happier for it now that I'm less ashamed about liking supposedly childish things. And so I look at both Mabel and Dipper with fondness. Because at the end of the day they are both kids struggling with growing up in different ways, and so am I. I'm 19. Times are gonna change. And if I want to go back and watch and enjoy a kids' cartoon from about ten years ago then so help me I will, and I don't care enough about what people think of that anymore.

OPINIONS ON GRAVITY FALLS

OK SINCE YOU ASKED I WILL ANSWER WITHOUT GIVING SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2!! Because I know you've not seen it yet. Not sure how much of this is opinions and how much is just rambles though.

First, context, Gravity Falls is a show I have been obsessed with since it came out. I own a copy of Journal 3 and Dipper's hat and can't wait to get the Book of Bill when it comes out. So my opinions are gonna be biased!!

The greatest episode of Gravity Falls and my favourite of all time is S2Ep4: Sock Opera (watch the episode and you'll understand why, though please watch the rest of that season too haha). No further questions needed, it speaks for itself in every second of that episode.

My favourite episode from Series 1 would have to be either Legend of the Gobblewonker or Dreamscaperers. Both are fun to watch and have sweet endings and notes to it, as well as incredible comedy and great pacing. They hit so good every time.

Boyz Crazy is one of my least favourite episodes because it reminds me of primary school where everyone was feral about One Direction and I just didn't get it at all, but I still find it hilarious.

Most of my least favourite episodes involve some kind of romance subplot - thats not to say all romance centric episodes are bad, I just find it less interesting to me when it turns out Mabel's new crush is Regular Guy (Normal Man) and not five gnomes in a hoodie. Or oh look Dipper is crushing on Wendy, what's new? Its probably because I never really related to it.

My favourite character is Grunkle Stan. He's funny and a weird old man, as Mabel eloquently puts it. He's gruff, sweaty, wrinkled, and a bit of an asshole. And he cares so much for his family. He tries and thats what counts. Also his absolute lack of shame about cash - like in Double Dipper where he launches himself at that dollar bill - and conning and scamming tourists out of their money is so hilarious to me. Grunkle Stan is dear to my heart and will always be my favourite character.

Pacifica is another one of my favourite characters! She gets a fair bit more character development in the second series, and I still find myself laughing at every interaction the Pines family has with her when I rewatch the show - she's hilarious in every sense of the word. Her growth as a person is really nice to watch.

If I met Tambry irl I think I would inevitably punch her, I cannot lie, she frustrates me too much

Bill Cipher my beloved <3 (you'll see why when he shows up again in season 2)

I have rewatched this show many times since it came out and I firmly believe that so many of the jokes still hold up to this day. It shaped my sense of humour greatly. And the best bit about being older is that now I get all the jokes I didn't get as a kid!!!

My favourite running joke is Guy Who Married A Woodpecker!! He just shows up every now and again and we see a snapshot of his failing marriage and I love him.

The pool guy is objectively and unironically one of the funniest people alive. As is Quentin Trembley, 8½th President of the United States, who also absolutely shaped my personality and humour.

Certain episodes in the later half of Series 2 tone wise feel like they should have been at the start of the series or in Series 1, and the series does suffer for it in my opinion. Of course its a kids show, you don't want it to get too dark, but I feel like some parts of that series just felt inconsistent to the rest of it. Of course the rest of that series is absolutely stellar in my opinion, most of my favourite episodes are in that series, so its swings and roundabouts I suppose.

The Wendy crush is nothing short of frustrating to me every time I see it. Had to reiterate this, and I get that people don't get over crushes quickly, but especially in Series 2 it frustrates me. tbh I probably had a crush on Wendy too as a kid I cannot lie.

The ending is so sweet to me and makes me want to cry or actually cry every time, not just for nostalgia, but because it hits me hard and emotional in so many different ways. No spoilers yet!

And ending it with a really strong opinion here, you should watch Series 2 (a shameless suggestion, I don't regret it)