#so are thranduil’s | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

silvantransthranduiltrash · 2 years ago

Text

Thranduil’s (non-existant) Queen

I strongly headcannon that the silvans were very free in their gender and sexual identities. The basic norm was that everyone is bisexual until proven otherwise, and even then it’s quickly accepted. Furthermore, due to the nature of elven lives (aka being immortal) being polyamorous is rather common, as is sleeping around with no romantic relationship.

(The valar can’t tell them what to do!)

That being said, cheating is still a gigantic no no for them, as is abandoning one partner for another, especially if there is little to no warning or reason.

Anyway, slightly crazy idea, but what if Thranduil was not, in fact, married, and simply had and has a bunch of one night stand/regular bed partners and one day ended up pregnant (read my user name) and that’s how Legolas came about.

Thing is, legolas looks so much like Thranduil that no one knows who the other parent is, and Thranduil roles with it bc hey, at least no custody issues.

Elves outside of greenwood: so what happened to your mom?

Legolas: uuuuhhhhhhhh

Que elaborate tragic story that becomes worse and worse the more legolas retels it.

You can bet your ass legolas has fun with it. His friends pitch in and all of a sudden no one knows what happened to the queen of greenwood (they do not call it mirkwood) except that it’s bad.

Thranduil has no idea that this is going on until elrond brings it up one day.

Elrond: i have not said it before, but my condolences for the loss of your wife. I understand it was quite horrific.

Legolas: *sweating*

Thranduil: *slowly turning towards his son* yes, i miss her dearly *you-are-so-grounded glare at legolas*

And:

Elladan and elrohir: how did you deal with the loss of your mother

Legolas: *hnnnnnnnnnn, i am not qualified for this but i can’t tell THEM that* .... killing orcs has worked for me so far.

Later:

Thranduil: *bursts in the door* LEGOLAS-

Legolas: I PANICKED, OK? LEAVE ME ALONE!

And:

Thranduil, as he goes to check on the mountain and humans after the dragon (book canon): Legolas, this is the 6th time i’ve told you to not be so-

Bard: *wet, grimmy, tired* *walks past as if in slow mo and like a supper model*

Thranduil: -Rrrreeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

Thranduil: *stares*

Legolas: Ada, No.

#Thranduil #Thranduil’s wife #non existent i this case #legolas #silvans #best kept secret in middle earth is that thranduil has never been married #and by best kept i mean #everyone else knows nothing about the going ons of greenwood #greenwood the great #mirkwood #we don’t call it that #legolas: i was trying to have a bit of fun but it got out of control #thranduil: *having to deal with all these condolences* you think?#legolas’s friends are having a ball with it #so are thranduil’s #galion threatens to come up with an even more horrific way for the queen to die if thranduil doesn’t do his paperwork #it’s a soap opra #it started out as a joke #but now they’re scared smq will figure it out bc that be hella awkward and uncomfortable #it’s a good thing no one outside of greenwood knows thranduil is trans bc that’d just make thigs much more complicated #thranduil isn’t the biggest noldor fan but their preconceived notion of gender and sexuality is a blessing in disguise atm #i’m a book canon thranduil lover so that’s his personality #love movie him too but i like book him more

134 notes · View notes

totallynottinsel · 13 days ago

Note

Hello!

I saw a post where you were asking for prompts about bagginshield, if you're still looking you could try something like,

Thorin desperately trying to get information about hobbit courting. Him sending ravens to go all the way to the shire to meet Darrow from the blue mountains to figure out what the hell Bilbo means by the words " flower language". Or "ancient family recipes" Or even "a garden gift proposal"

Have Thorin with the entire company trying to figure out how to get the king hitched with the legendary burglar. Ori suddenly wants all the information on hobbits. Nori is sending ravens frantically back and forth from the shire and one of his spy ring buddies. Bombur is cooking with bilbo and memorizing certain hobbit food techniques. Gloin is asking bilbo about his family and friends and what his parents did for courting.

Bilbo has either no clue what is happening, Or is just fucking with all of them. Dealers choice lol.

AAAAWGE this is so cute. I'm obsessed. Thorin pov this time huzzah!

Thorin was at a complete loss for words.

It had been a year since the reclaiming of Erebor and the Battle of the Five Armies, and after a steady recovery he'd begun his first works as king----starting with the removal of all the hoarded gold and it's trade with the men of Dale who sought to rebuild. Afterward came a reconstruction of the dwarven halls itself, as Smaug had done quite decent damage to the structure. It had all gone well, and Thorin fell into a comfortable sureness that he would steer his people well in the right direction; but one thing he did not prepare himself for was a certain hobbit.

He had enough in him to admit to himself he'd gone and fallen utterly in love with Bilbo Baggins, but lacked the confidence to say it to him directly. Or anyone. Ever. A horrible idea really; he did not want to risk the friendship he and Bilbo had grown over their journey if he shared his true feelings and only got rejected for it. He would rather have him as a friend instead of nothing all together. He had tried to make a few moves here and there, just to test the waters, but perhaps his attempts at flirting were too subtle? (He would soon learn from the company he was the exact opposite of subtleness)

He wasn't even certain Bilbo felt the same, especially after he had threatened his very life while under a fierce sickness; why would he take Thorin then? Even if Bilbo did not hold it against him for a second, he himself still felt pained by the incident.

It was only till Bilbo had begun making him breakfast every morning, the same time, just how he liked it---his suspicion was peaked that perhaps there could be something. It also offered him a smile each day, taking a weight off the stressful nights he spent working late, which was another thing Bilbo had done for him. He'd come to Thorin's room often to remind him to rest, or more of pushing him straight into bed whether he liked it or not. He kept himself from asking Bilbo to stay.

But one morning Thorin had been simply baffled.

"Thorin! Wait!" Bilbo came rushing for him from behind, trying to catch him before he left for a meeting. "I've---I've got something, before you go. For you." He had something he fiddled around with in his hands, looking a bit pink in the face.

Thorin's interest was immediately taken. "For me?" He quirked a brow, and watched as Bilbo scrunched his nose, seemingly considering what to do, then finally unveiled what lay in his palm; it was a neatly woven bracelet of sorts, made out of tree vines and fresh greenery, and a few small flowers. That took him by surprise, as he was half expecting him to have another acorn or something of the sort.

"You're meant to wear it on your wrist. Well---you probably already knew that, but... it's made out of plants from my garden. Er, a garden gift..." Bilbo rethought his last choice of words suddenly. "Proposal. In the Shire we---"

"Thorin!" Fili called from down the hall. "Bard and his men have arrived. They're getting a bit snappy..."

"Coming!" Thorin said back, and took the bracelet with a warm smile. "Thank you. I'll be gone for most the day, but if you'd like, we could meet after dinner?"

"Oh, yes! Yes, that sounds good." Bilbo nodded, though still had a bit of an awkward gleam to him for a reason Thorin couldn't quite place, that was until halfway into the council where he eyed the gift sat in his hand curiously, repeating Bilbo's words in the back of his head. 'A garden gift proposal.' Wait, proposal? Thorin seemed to have skipped over that crucial part. He gently fondled the bracelet in a deeper examination of it; what sort of proposal did it hold exactly? Was it a diplomatic one? An offer for celebration of the company's good health, perhaps? Or maybe it was rooted deeper than that. Maybe---

"Thorin? You alright lad?" Balin's voice cut through his thoughts abruptly, making him turn his head upward to see everyone staring at him strangely.

"Hm? Yes, fine." He recovered quick to spare himself any further prodding. Though he could not stop thinking of the gift from then on, and it rattled his mind in an endless parade of questions. Hobbit's were still a mystery to him, especially that of Bilbo Baggins. It wasn't long after the council ended that Balin, the ever kind soul he was, sat Thorin down for a talk as if he were a boy again.

"I know that look on your face," Balin said. "Something's troubling you."

Thorin only sighed, then revealed the bracelet from his pocket. "Bilbo gave this to me, he... said it was a 'garden gift proposal.'" Blain's eyes widened at that. "I'm not entirely sure what he means by it."

The older dwarf grinned. "He's been making your meals, hasn't he? And watching over you?"

"Yes?"

"Well, if my ears don't deceive me, it sounds like he's trying to court you lad."

Thorin stared back at him, then to the bracelet, unsure of his next step; he knew absolutely nothing about how hobbit's went about courting, hence why it took him so long to take notice to any of the signs---so that left him with few options. If he was to reciprocate Bilbo's attempts, he wanted to do it properly. "I need your help."

"Alright! Listen up," Kili shouted across the room full of the whole company, gathered in secret. "We're here to help my poor uncle, and your favorite king, finally get with Mr. Boggins."

"Baggins." Ori said.

"Oh, yeah. Anyways," Kili continued his survey of the room. "When was the last time you were eyeing someone, anyways?"

"Not since the candle incident with Rudan Wyverntank." Thorin said, and half the company shuddered at the mention. Poor Rudan still hasn't recovered.

"Right, well, we'll need all the help we can get then! C'mon, let's hear some ideas."

Nori raised a hand. "I can send a raven or two to my good pals in the Blue Mountains. Few of'em have had flings with some hobbit ladies. Oof, one said he couldn't walk straight for days after she---"

"Keep that to yourself!" Dori scrambled to cover Ori's ears, though the younger dwarf swatted him away.

"I---I wrote down quite a bit of things when we were first in the Shire," Ori raised the journal he had in his lap. "I could ask Bilbo about some of them, if that would help?"

"Perfect!" Kili clapped his hands together.

"If anyone knows about pleasing a lover, it would be me!" Glóin stood himself up proudly. "Let me speak with our hobbit, find out what he's playin' at. You know, my wife---"

"Yes, thank you, we know." Kili decided to give someone else a go.

"E'cooks for you, right Thorin?" Bombur asked. "Well, I could get a read on those scrumptious recipes o'his! Wouldn't mind getting some me-self..."

"Like you need more of those." Bifur grumbled, still surprising a lot of them with his now cohesive sentences as if that axe never even got near him.

"This is nice and all, but why don't you just ask Bilbo yourself?" Bofur, the ever open mouthed, spoke an obvious that many of them didn't think of trying.

"We've seen how that's played out." Fili choked back a keen laugh after Thorin gave him a less than pleased glare.

"He can't just ask!" Kili said in refusal.

"Why...?" Bofur was absolutely lost.

"Because---he... uh, that's too forward. They love it when you're mysterious!" Kili seemed to think after winning the heart of a Elven warrior, that he was automatically a romance expert. He did have his charms, but he ranked just above Ori in the socially inexperienced youngsters box, by dwarven standards. Fili laughed again.

Thorin only wished for a smidge of advice to guide him in the right direction, not a full blown battle worthy scheme. But, there he was---taking it regardless.

So, there it began with Glóin, who retrieved some interesting information; he learned that Bilbo found his parents relationship very aspirational, as they loved and understood each other well, but when bickers struck---they always worked through it. Bilbo admitted he wished they were there to help him, but with what in particular, he flushed and laughed it off. Glóin also, being a big family man, asked if A, he had close kin, (which was a no, besides a cousin or two that didn't hate him) and B, if he wanted to have children in the future.

Thorin had his first and hopefully only heart attack learning the answer to the latter was "with the right person, I suppose."

Kili's immediate: "You better get to work then." Did not help either.

Next came Bombur, who learned the delicate breakfasts, mid-day snacks, and lavish dinners Bilbo had been making were indeed a traditional hobbit form of early stage courting. It was meant to show your heart and dedication and how much you knew about the person's taste. And as consistently as Bilbo had been doing it, they should've been on the honeymoon already. It never crossed Thorin's mind that food could be an affectionate thing, but Bombur was quick to criticize him on that. "It's much more than sustenance, y'know!"

Ori had quite a great insight as well; he showered Thorin with piles of books about hobbit culture, though where the young dwarf found them was a mystery to him entirely. Among them was also some 'educational' dwarven literature on all things romantic and, well, coital. Ori insisted he absolutely did not mean for that to get inside the pile. "Sorry, really! I'll take that. Not that I need it! Uh, sorry!" Thorin didn't see him again for days, fairly certain he scared him off completely.

Nori had gotten valuable intel from his mates not long after, and he could confirm the whole bracelet 'garden gift proposal' thing was exactly what it sounded like. You make said gift out of plants and vines from your garden, and offer it to whomever you wish to deepen your relationship with---a sort of next big step from casual flings and early courting. If the person accepts the gift, they agree, and bring a bracelet back of their own making in return. Well, there comes the second heart attack unfortunately.

With the bracelet in mind, Thorin wanted to do his part and give Bilbo one back to show he wanted this. But that required plants and vines and flowers, which were fairly non-existent on and in the mountain, nor did he know how to make one with the right materials. So that meant...

"You've come for my help, over matters of the heart? How amusing is that." A sly smirk ran across Thranduil's lips as he sat splayed over his throne, watching Thorin like a cat pawing at a helpless mouse. "Tell me, Thorin Oakenshield," There he goes. "King Under the Mountain, what can I offer you?"

After the Battle, he and the Elven King had amended their feud, and Thorin made right to return the white gems of Thranduil's kin. Though they may have become allies as rulers, they were not past petty talk and silent glares. Thorin held down his pride and carried, even if he wanted to wipe that smug stare off his face. "I wish to return Bilbo a gift he has given me, but I lack the supplies to forage it properly." In his hand he held the bracelet out, and Thranduil leaned forward, interested. "It is made out of plants. As you can imagine, I cannot find what I need on the mountain. So.."

"You want to weave your gift out of my leaves?" Thranduil's brow perked upward.

"Yes."

The Elf thought quietly, tapping a finger to his chin, as if to just prolong Thorin's suffering. "Alright." He finally said.

"What?" Thorin wasn't expecting that, based off their previous encounters in deal making.

"I'll help you," Thranduil descended his throne, the train of his luxury gown following behind. He approached the dwarf, eyeing the gift, but not with malice. "But there's a cost."

Of course there is.

"I'll be the first to be invited to your matrimony."

"Matrimo--?"

"Come!" Thranduil clapped his hands, and servants came to his aid out of thin air. "Gather the finest vines from our trees; the purest leaves, and the most blooming flowers. Go, now." Thorin had been happily surprised by Thranduil's assistance, and what the elves brought to him that day was almost identical to the one Bilbo had crafted, but had a far more elegant work to it instead of the rustic charm of the Shire. The vines were darker rather than a lighter brown, the leaves bright oranges and reds instead of bright green, and tiny, almost colorless flowers were spotted over it. It was just as unique as the first. He could only hope Bilbo would like it.

When the night came, the company watched with wide eyes and cheeky grins outside the library door, waiting in anticipation for the moment they'd all been working towards. Even if Thorin strictly said he wanted it to be private, they deserved to see their efforts paid off!

"I wish to give you something, as a thank you for your gift, and..." Thorin held out the Elvish bracelet in his palm, and felt his heart give at the sight of Bilbo's smile. Surely his knees would go next if this was to keep going well. "It was made out of Mirkwood. I... hope it is to your liking." He heard some of the company laughing off somewhere. So much for kingly respect.

"Oh, Thorin, it's beautiful---really." Bilbo took it eagerly, holding it between his fingers, reminded of the memories of the wood and the Elven kings halls, both the good and the mostly bad. "Nori's ravens worked well then?"

Suddenly the laughter came to a fast halt.

Thorin blinked silently. "You knew--?"

"Of course I did! You all aren't very good at keeping things secret." Bilbo planted his hands on his hips. "I was interested to see how it would end. Though I'll be honest, I thought you wouldn't catch on to what I was doing. Suppose I could've been a bit more on the nose..."

"That may have helped." Thorin chuckled, guiding the Mirkwood bracelet to Bilbo's wrist, and Bilbo did the same to him with the Shire one. They laughed at the absurdity of the whole ordeal, then fell into a tender hug, and when they parted---Thorin placed a kiss on Bilbo's forehead. Bilbo stood there in his arms for a moment, taking in the action, before standing up on his toes to meet his lips with the dwarf's. Behind them a crowd of whistles and cheers and cat-calls came to celebrate, which soon enough ended in the whole company charging in to make a large group hug that swallowed them whole.

#the hobbit #bilbo baggins #thorin oakenshield #bagginshield #thorin x bilbo #fic request #thorin is STRUGGLING but he manages #idk if any of these are actual hobbity courting stuff so i just made it up based on the names LOL #thranduil for the win #he loves gay people #thorin povs are so fun definitely leave some more down below

81 notes · View notes