#so altaïr knows how to bake

[teecupangel]

You know what would be funny?

If Desmond didn’t get to Ravensthorpe by accident, he was invited there.

By who?

It would be easy for it to be Eivor but it would be funnier if it was Hytham.

So now Hytham has this sense of responsibility to support Desmond in this (covert) bake off.

He’s usually the one who gets Desmond the ingredients he sorta remembers (“It makes food red.” “A lot of things makes food red.” “But it doesn’t affect the taste!” “I don’t think that kind of thing exist?” “Well, I guess get me all the things that can make things red then?” “I… I’ll see what I can do…” - smashcut to Azar feeling things were going to get profitable very, very soon).

He helped Desmond get the lay in the land because Desmond, in his own words, believed his idea of what the land looks like isn’t correct… right now.

But the most important thing… he was Desmond’s taste tester. Or, as Desmond liked to call it, his guinea pig. Any experiment Desmond made, as long as it tastes edible and cooked, Hytham would more or less taste them to give Desmond his honest opinion. They never tasted bad since Desmond always tasted them before giving them to Hytham but ‘okay’ was a word that Desmond did not accept.

Not because it was bad to just be ‘okay’ but… Desmond surprisingly has a competitive side to him. It doesn’t appear all that much but baking?

Oh, yes, his competitive side shows up in that regard.

But he and Tarben are cordial with each other.

… like rivals respecting each other’s skills but doing everything they can to not lose.

Tarben’s style is to keep making the same bread over and over again, perfecting his skill to a frightening level.

Desmond’s style is to keep bombarding Ravensthorpe with every and any idea he had, making it a unique experience every single time.

What Desmond lacked in perfection, he makes up with the ‘novelty’ of his breads.

As Desmond says it “Tarben is a basic bitch and I’m the manic pixie dream girl.”

… Hytham has no idea what Desmond meant about that but Desmond tended to use a lot of phrases and words Hytham didn’t understand. If Hytham was to translate it, Desmond must meant that Tarben’s bread is a staple, something every person should have in their home, while Desmond’s bread is more of a luxury, something one eats as a treat.

But it was clear who some of the people of Ravensthorpe side with.

The most obvious ones were the parents sided with Tarben while their children sided with Desmond. It really helped that Desmond likes to ask the children for favors in exchange for bread. Just simple stuff like foraging the nearby forest for berries or fishing in the docks. The children love it because they get to do something and be rewarded for it. The parents hate it because their children always have so much energy after eating Desmond’s breads.

Desmond doesn’t care though because “children are the hope of our future” and Hytham was pretty sure he got that line from someone else.

Octavius also preferred Desmond’s breads because they, according to him, were the food of the Romans! Desmond doesn’t like that all that much because Octavius likes to request the same bread over and over again and Desmond’s setup is more of ‘today’s bread is whatever I felt like making!’.

Other than that, Randvi is in Tarben’s corner mainly because his bread always go well with the feasts (although a lot of people go and eat Desmond’s bread afterwards as dessert anyway) and his breads are also the ones being made into rations. Tarben is just better in making rations that can last for months.

Then again, Desmond doesn’t really like making rations in the first place because he preferred the ephemeral beauty of fresh bread.

At this point, Hytham was pretty sure Desmond was liberating using dramatic words just to mess with him. He doesn’t use any of these words or phrases around others.

A lot of the other people try to keep an open mind (and reap the rewards of both sides), especially Yanli who profited from both of them (and gave Hytham the stink eye when he helped Desmond find spices using another merchant) and Petra who do get requests for her hunts from both of them (although Desmond likes to request meat as well while Tarben only requests animal fat).

And then there was Basim.

The first time he visited Ravensthorpe, he beelined to Desmond’s bakery immediately where he and Hytham stared at each other while Hytham was eating bread. After that awkward silent “what are you doing here?” “what am I doing here, what are you doing here?” stareoff, Basim sat next to Hytham and ate bread as well.

Hytham wasn’t surprised.

For some reason, Desmond just… He has this bread that taste like home.

Not home as in the home Hytham had as a child but home…

As in the Hidden Ones.

To be more presence, it tastes so similar to the bread baked in Alamut that Hytham had to try and check if Desmond had ever been to Alamut.

Desmond just shrugged as he said that it was the first few breads he learned but it wasn’t from Alamut.

And he knew…

With this single bread…

Desmond definitely got Basim’s attention.

‘What if desmond time travels and has to deal with such and such, or turns into an animal, or gets hurt, or-’

What if Desmond time travels and learns how to bake bread!! Huh!!? What about that!! What if he opens a super successful bakery, and solves all the worlds problems with the best fresh baked bread every!!

(This is /j but like. 👏🏻 anons let Desmond have peace challenge👏🏻 (but also don’t cause I love reading all of them I’m just like ‘how did you even come up with this? Sometimes lmao))

Anyway, since we already have a Desmond is a baker in Renaissance Italy idea, here’s Desmond is a baker during the Third Crusades instead:

So in this setup, Desmond would say fuck it and just open a bakery in Acre.

Jerusalem was too much of a hotspot at the moment and Acre had ports which meant there would be new customers that Desmond could lure in with the smell of freshly baked bread. 

And it worked.

Maybe a bit too well because…

Kadar visited while he was out looking for information for his brother’s current target. 

They both stared at one another for a moment and then Desmond just did his usual ‘Welcome! Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to hear today’s recommendations?’ spiel while Kadar just stares at him.

When Kadar went “Altaïr?”, Desmond just gave him his best bartender ‘I’m being respectful but also distant so you’ll still tip me’ smile as he goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t have a bread called ‘Altaïr’.”

Then he showed Kadar the star-shaped pull apart sweet bread he’s just perfected and go “But maybe I can interest you in this pull apart start bread? It’s sweet and fluffy and freshly baked.”

And sweet poor Kadar leaves the bakery with a basket of breads instead because Desmond was good at using both Ezio’s charms and his bartending social skills to get customers to buy more than they should.

Hey.

A man needed to profit to keep the roof over his head while trying to experiment for the upcoming debut of his sugar-free pastries.

The next day, Malik entered the bakery but Desmond was ready.

Desmond had planned for this!

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted, giving Malik his sweetest smile that he knew would completely unnerve Malik.

Desmond weaponized the similarity between him and Altaïr to unnerve Malik to the point that he cannot focus on observing Desmond, distracted by such a sweet smile that looked so disturbing in his eyes because he’s imagining Altaïr doing such an expression and it was horror beyond Malik’s wildest imagination. 

Okay.

Desmond was exaggerating but that got Malik to not ask too many invasive questions and leave the bakery after purchasing two baskets worth of bread so Desmond was going to consider that a mission successful.

And then…

His greatest adversary entered his little quaint bakery.

And Desmond was ready for him.

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted happily, “Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to see today’s recommendations?”

Altaïr simply stared at him.

But that didn’t matter.

Desmond held all the cards.

Because he knew one of Altaïr’s greatest weakness…

Altaïr secretly loved sweets.

“Today’s a special day!” Desmond clapped his hands in practiced joy that wasn’t over the top, “Today’s the debut of our dessert line! Here.”

Desmond took out a tray of sweet deserts, glistening in either honey or fruit jams. 

“Would you like a taste?” Desmond asked with the sweetness of the snake that tempted Eve to take a bite.

And Altaïr…

Altaïr left the bakery with a basket filled with desserts and pastries, quietly sinking into the shadows before anyone could see him and ask for one of the forbidden sweets he had acquired.

[recreationalfanfics]

Omg I love it! Here's another half baked thought, In your opinion, for yandere AC characters, which do you think are more likely to play mind games/do mental manipulation vs those who forgo it entirely?

OKAY, SO I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS A LOT AS WELL SO HERE ARE MY THOUGHTS ON IT.

Yandere Altaïr would be one of them but I think it would be a mix of isolating you so that you depend on him as well as intimidating you. You are the target of his affections and he unknowingly treats you like one of his missions. His objective is to get you to rely on him one way or another. Yes, he will try to romance you but if he sees that its not reciprocated or your being a bit difficult, he will give a gentle reminder about who he is and what he does and how he's doing this for your best interest.

Yandere Ezio and Yandere Jacob would just try and gaslight you into thinking you're dating them. Like Ezio calling you pet names and kissing your cheek and having his hands on you and if you try to push him away, he laughs it off but still will try to touch you just somewhere where you're not so uncomfortable. Yandere Jacob will just try to get rumors going where people think you're dating and hopefully you'll realize your actually his soulmate!♡

Yandere Arno Dorian would 100% do this with his darling. He knows his natural charm will work on them but its not drawing them in he's concerned about, it's keeping them. He already lost Elise so when he finally accepts his feelings for you, he has to ensure that you won't leave him and that you'll NEVER want to leave him.

Yandere Ratonhnhaké:ton would never. He knows the odds aren't in his favor but there's something so unsettling to him about tricking you into loving him. He knows his love for you isn't pure and rather twisted but he does genuinely want you to love and rely on him. So yes, even you are scared of him and you're intimidated by him, he wants to show you that you shouldn't be afraid because he loves you!

Yandere Edward just would want to get to the point. Yes he does have some tact when it comes to approaching you but he'd really rather not play mindgames. If you resist, that's fine, he can deal with that but he doesn't care because, like Arno, he lost someone already and he refuses to let it happen again. He will isolate you with him on the Jackdaw if he has too, so it wouldn't really matter if tried to mentally manipulate you or not, you're stuck with him either way.

Yandere Evie would not be opposed to a little manipulation but it wouldn't be super intense either, she is absolutely smitten with you and she'll do her best to hide her yandere motives a lot better than Jacob. She will observe you from far away and change little aspects of her style and mannerisms to fit the image of your ideal partner to open up to her abit more and let your gaurd down.

[assassinschaoticcreed]

I feel like after all the boys have been through and how close they are that after a bad mission or if someone is really feeling down they all just end up in a huge cuddle puddle (except altaïr who just gives whoever is feeling down an awkward pat on the head or shoulder, although if it’s altaïr who is if feeling bad they rest of the boys make things easier for him (cooking things for him, doing his laundry, getting him small gifts of his favorite things) since they know he doesn’t usually prefer physical affection)

oh definitely. it's not just a cuddle puddle, but they have like a sumbler party. they go all out too, they will move all the furniture around in the living room so there's enough room for everyone to sleep. Arno & Ezio cook the food, Arno bakes some sweets and brings wine from his place that his father gave him (for those who wish to drink it) but he also makes hot chocolate (specifically for Connor but anyone is welcome to some) I don't see anyone getting drunk, but they have enough to just be relaxed. they're all in a vulnerable state and wish to be there for each other. they make popcorn and watch movies/shows, or sit and talk, whichever they decide. I agree with the Altaïr part, BUT if it's something that really affected him/traumatized him he wants to be held, comforted, and to know he's not alone. those are the moments that is CODE RED for the boys to help Altaïr. they will be silent if that's what Altaïr wants, but most of the time he wants to hear happy/funny memories of theirs to make him feel better.

[freshstartfromscratch]

The Great British Bake-Off AU!

Yes, this is happening. So a little while ago, I got inspired by this shitpost:

The OG question was sent to @kiatheinsomniac and then bounced to @asscrackcreed from whom I shamelessly have stolen this idea. So shoutout to them I guess.

It was the sign that I needed to write headcanons for the Great British Bake-Off AU. Ngl, I do have a soft spot for this show. It kept me sane when I had to spend a month bedridden during my illness.

Anyway, On your marks? Get, set, bake!:

Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad

Originally from Syria, he moved to the UK with his parents as a child. Altaïr learned to bake in the home economics class and took a liking to it. He lives in Leicester with his wife Maria and two sons, Darim and Sef. When he's not baking, he's a book illustrator and stay-at-home dad.

While baking, he likes to use earth-flavored spices like nutmeg, vanilla, cinnamon, cardamom, sumac, and mace. He enjoys using orange and lemon zest in his baking too.

Altaïr's strongest side is the technical challenge, and his weakest side is pastry construction. He can make beautiful patterns to decorate his bakes but can't do creative structures. It'll always end up as sth like a square. 

He is one of the calmest bakers on the show. Everything is perfectly planned and tried out multiple times before the challenge. Altaïr doesn't go into a panic mood while under pressure, or at least he doesn't show it.

His signature recipe is cinnamon walnut cake.

Ezio Auditore

Ezio learned how to bake from his mom, and cooking together was their bonding activity when he still lived in Italy. He's a banker living in Edinburgh. When he's not baking he participates in all free-to-air cooking game shows. 

Unsurprisingly Ezio is a master in the cream department (nothing sexual about this sentence.) He likes using cream, mascarpone, meringue, and egg whites. White, fluffy, and puffy!

Ezio likes deep and slightly bitter additions to his cakes, like coffee or chocolate. He always balances them out with the perfect amount of sugar. It's not too sweet, but you can still taste the deep flavors.

His signature bake is ricotta cheesecake with coffee. He does have more Italian classics in his repertoire, like Torta della Nonna and Torta Paradiso.

He's a very emotional contestant who would cry if something goes wrong (because it's NOT just a cake!) He's very harsh on himself and tends to exaggerate his mistakes. His baking has to be perfect. Otherwise, he'll be dissatisfied with it. He's loud and a show-off in front of the cameras, so the public loves him, and the producers love him.

Connor Kenway

Connor, though born in the USA, currently lives in London. He works as a home health nurse in Camden (I picked Camden because it's where the Kennway Mansion is ) for a man named Achilles. He bakes to relax after work, and his numerous friends are big fans of his goods.

Due to his job, Connor is good at all the physics and chemistry related to baking. He knows how to structure his bakes and what temperature of the chocolate is the best for the best glossy effect. Things like this.

He's the super competitive baker. He's in the show to win and won't accept anything less than the finale three. His determination is sometimes scary as if he wanted to murder someone who killed his family.

Connor's signature bake is something typically American with a twist. It is a recipe connected to his roots, but a look into the future too. I'd say it's pistachio, pecans, and pumpkin NY-Style cheesecake.

Connor likes to mix tradition with modern ideas but still keeps them quite conservative. There's a fine line between a modern twist and a  baking blasphemy to him, and he tries to balance it out. 

Edward Kenway

He is a single dad of two, living and working in Swansea as a shipwright. He's an ex-sailor who used to work in the British West Indies. Edward started to bake eight years ago as a pastime with his now teenage daughter Jeniffer after her mother died. When he's not baking he likes to sail with his children and friends. 

His specialty is in the West Indies bakes. Brown sugar and rum are his favorite ingredients, and his signature bake is a burnt sugar essence sponge cake. He likes to use juicy fruits like pineapple or mango in his cakes too.

Edward is the contestant who should add one tablespoon of rum according to the recipe but pours half of the bottle instead.

He's the chaotic baker. His section in the cooking tent always looks like something exploded there.

He's the "I don't want to be the first baker to leave the tent" kind of contestant. He didn't sign up because he believes he's the best, but:  "If I'm not the last, that's a victory to me" kind of guy.

Arno Dorian

Arno is from Paris but works and lives in London's most posh Royal Borough - Kensington and Chelsea. He's an actor and a ballet dancer. Arno is an artist and a perfectionist. He likes to express himself, and baking is yet another way to do it.

Arno is an expert on anything related to fruits. Jam, marmalade, or addition of fruits to cream or decoration. He likes to use flowers too.

His strong side is the visual aspect of his bakes. He can make the most creative, baked constructions, but they often lack stability. He can make a flying plane cake that looks real, but it'll fall apart way too soon.

Lavender and blueberry meringue cake is the staple recipe of this baker. However, his mother's recipe apfelstrudel is to die for, and it saved him from elimination.

He is a bit dramatic and a natural performer, but he's not as dramatic as Ezio. He still is dramatic.

Jacob Frye

He is the youngest baker in the tent. Jacob learned how to bake from his grandma in Crawley. Jacob lives in Whitechapel with his partner and a newborn son Emmett (Canon Jacob had to be a young parent if Lydia was born in 1893 when Jacob was 46. Emmett's name comes from the list of known British Assassins used by the Templar Isabelle Ardant and a fanbase theory that he's Jacob's son.) He works with at-risk youth in a Youth Centre as a Mentor/caretaker and is a football (soccer) coach of their team, "The Rooks."

He's the one who adds controversial ingredients like beetroots to his sponges to make them moister. He can come across as pretentious, but he's just an unconventional baker. 

Jacob is the kind of contestant who everyone thinks is going to be eliminated, but he manages to get by and wins the "star of the episode" title in the next episode. You never can tell how he's going to perform in the show.

His signature bake would be something random that nobody expects, like Medovnik cake.

He's the "started baking, had a breakdown, bon appétit!" kind of contestant.

[actlikeyoudidntdoit]

ASSASSIN’S MODERN DAY PROFESSIONS

—————————————————

ALTAÏR

College Professor

-We all know that Altaïr has spent most of his life teaching, so what better job does he have than a college professor?

-He knows what he’s talking about, that much is certain, but sometimes he gets a little too lost in his lesson to realize that his students are scratching their heads. So it’s normal to have students staying after class, but they leave understanding every word of what he said.

-He’s not the fun teacher, but he’ll be able to teach you what you need and still remember it at the end of the day.

-He’s pretty lenient, and even with the obnoxious students who cause a scene, he calmly gets them to at least do their work.

-Other teachers always use him as a reference when it comes to the perfect teacher.

EZIO AUDITORE

-I can see Ezio being a public speaker since he’s not all that scared of crowds and spends a lot of time giving advice, so I think he’d really enjoy being able to help a crowd of people whose lives are falling apart

-Ezio would be the single anchor in a sea of storms because he always seems to have an answer for everything. He’s a man whose words are turned into inspirational quotes that people hang on their walls.

-When he says that things will be okay, no one doubts him since they know that he lost his father and his brothers very early on and that it took years for Ezio to accept the loss the way he had. If he could soldier through it, why couldn’t they?

-He doesn’t involve himself in politics, finding them to be a waste of time and breath despite how many people ask for his input on the political status of the country he’s staying in.

-He speaks to a lot of people in private, letting them speak their minds and giving his advice if they want it. He’s a therapist without a license, and you always feel hopeful about life leaving his office.

Connor

Construction or Sports

-This boy was designed for heavy work, and I’ve heard some good points in saying that not only would he be amazing at sports, but he’d also really enjoy it too.

-In my personal headcanon, I think he’d be a good construction worker as well. Not the high end kind that build skyscrapers or anything, but I can see him building simple houses for small communities, taking the lower jobs that can’t afford much help like the sweetheart he is. He definitely volunteers to make houses for the homeless.

-Since most of the homeless he helps don’t have much money, he makes sure to offer them baked goods because he’s definitely a baker.

Edward Kenway

-As a young man, he joins the navy

-Once he’s on his own, he buys his own boat and treats it like royalty.

-He’s not a pirate himself, but he does let less legal people on board for a price. At the time, it was just an easy cash pay since people paid good money when they were desperate.

-When he’s older and gets a grip on some of the people he’s helping (like the REALLY bad criminals) he quickly lets it go.

-Yet after seeing some of the more decent people and the places they were running from, I can see him being a sort of smuggler, but instead of smuggling drugs or weapons, he sells medicines, canned foods, and clothes to the regions where they’re scarce or hard to pay for.

-When he’s older and found a fortune over time, he starts up his own official charity, hiring various sailers to sail supplies to more places than he himself could alone.

SHAY CORMAC

-Okay, I have to say it. Shay would DEFINITELY be an FBI spy. Maybe I haven’t thought of it as heavily as I could, but he just strikes me as a man who could kill someone in plain sight and still not be seen.

-He already knows everything he can about infiltrating and getting vital information

-He knows exactly how to manipulate people to get what he wants.

-He’s like Macgyver but as an agent.

-He does things that make sleeping at night impossible, but he tells himself that every long night for him is another person somewhere else having a peaceful night, and peaceful nights means he’s doing his job. Right?

-Constantly questions his morals, but he can’t bring himself to stop, not knowing that he’d do if he stopped, because at least here he’s doing something. He’s contributing.

-That and maybe I might or might not want to see Shay in a suit 🤷‍♀️

AVELINE

-Actress. And a damn good one. She’s one of the kind of people who get paid millions each job and gives most of her cash on people who really need it. Not only that, she’s a fan favorite everywhere.

-She takes extra jobs in smaller businesses barely staying afloat, and public morality boosts has nothing to do with it. In fact, she keeps her fame life out of everything, choosing to see it just as another job.

-I can see her sharing similarities of Zendaya or Zoe Zaldana

ARNO DORIAN

-High school teacher or actor, I can’t decide.

-Because let’s be honest, this guys brain is more wrinkled than a raisin. He knows his stuff.

-He’s good at simplifying what he’s saying, and that happens to be a very useful trait when it comes to teaching.

-If he was a teacher, he’d be a damn good one, that’s for sure. No one will fail his class because he’s so good at explaining things, and he’d be the one who actually cares for his students.

-When it comes to acting... just admit that Arno’s a theater boy through and through. If you need proof, he’s the only one with a crazy amount of fancy robes and colors. FOR GODS SAKE HE OWNS A THEATER! So on modern day, I could totally see him as an actor as well.

-He’d be the Ewan Mcgregor of the modern day, because everyone recognizes him from SOMEWHERE because he’s really tested his acting ability on multiple various roles. Well read, charming, and level headed, he’d totally rock being an actor. He’s good friends with Aveline, and when they both have time in their busy schedules, they stop by for coffee and fill each other in on their life.

JACOB

-Boxing

-I saw the photoshops of Jacob in boxer life, and I have not been the same because oh my god that is amazing.

-but absolutely he’d be a boxer. He’s the shortest guy in the entire match, but he doesn’t need a stool to knock you on your ass before you can laugh about it.

-His opponents are lucky shattering bones is against the rules because he knows how to make someone wish their dad wore a condom.

-A lot of people think that his rounds must be rigged, and his sister had to physically hold him back every time Jacob threatened to give him a close up of how ‘rigged’ his fights were.

-Jacobs a powder keg, so it doesn’t take much to make him explode, and a lot of the less respectful people he has to fight picks particularly sore spots to do just that.

-He might be pissed, but his punch isn’t the only thing that stings. He knows exactly what words to use, and when they’ve gone too far, he doesn’t hold back.

-Might have a temper, but he has a good heart despite it all. He visits schools and completely turns his personality around with kids. He signs autographs, takes pictures, and makes sure that every one of them have a fun day because he knows that there’s some kids in this school that don’t have those kinds of days. He pays the school for field days each time, making sure they all get out. They bring out the scooters, parachutes, capture the flag, and ‘wrestling’ matches for the kids who want to face him. He loses every time. He never has a bigger smile on his face than when he has children fans walk up to him.

EVIE

-She is totally a lawyer and you can’t change my mind.

-Logic and Facts are her strongest weapons, and so far she has yet to lose a debate.

-Every other lawyer knows that seeing Evie walk into court is an instant death sentence, because like her brother, her words are sharp as a knife and her mind is even sharper.

-If they didn’t look identical, no one would believe that she would be related with Jacob the hot headed boxer, because she was level as water and was near impossible to make angry, but god help the poor sod that presses her.

-Her clients almost always get the best case scenario with Evie by their side by how good she is.

-Also like her brother, children are her weak spot, and her hard composure melts whenever she needs to speak to a child in the witness post, making sure that the child feel comfortable unlike the others that drill the kid with questions when they’re too skittish to answer. She takes her time and gets the kid feeling safe, and gently asks their side.

-Evie might not do it as a profession, but Evie has beaten Jacob in the boxing ring in the gym. She knows damn well how to handle herself, knowing she’d need it since she’d be fighting corrupt politicians or gang members who have too often tried attempts at her life. Every time she emerged unscathed, using the attempt at even more evidence against them and insuring a spot in jail. No one dared try attacking her again after that.

BAYEK

-I’m thinking police officer or motivational speaker for trauma.

-Either way, he’s a guardian who takes care of the people he’s in charge of. He knows words well, and having been down the dark path himself, he knows exactly what people experience and what they want to hear.

-Be the change you want to see in the world, and that’s exactly what he’s doing.

-He’d be a well respected officer, and he’s not afraid of telling off a comrade if someone is wrongfully accused. He’s not very popular in the police station, but as long as he’s doing his job, he’s satisfied.

-He’s saved several people over the course in his life, and his word is well honored since he’s on no ones side. He sees things as what they are and doesn’t twist events he disagreed with to his point of view. Even if it hurts him personally, he doesn’t lie.

-He’s divorced, but they’re still best friends with each other and visit when they can.

AYA (ran out of gifs. Sorry)

-She is hands down a self defense teacher for women

-She sells hidden self defense tools for less than ten dollars, always sure to keep constantly supply of them since many have confessed that they’ve saved them from dangerous situations.

-Like her former husband, she’s a protector and makes sure she provides her students with the best.

-She teaches children what to do if they ever get grabbed, and she’s had many parents in years thanking her when that information ended up saving their child’s life.

ALEXIOS

-Hands down he is a stunt double

- Preferably Arno’s since he relies more on flexibility than brute strength. Then there’s the fact that they look similar enough in features

-He does the moves that would probably be safer if they were just CGI, but he hates those computers with a passion, preferring to do the real thing instead of giving out something fake. He’s broken more bones than he can count, and the companies he works with always have a medic on standby when something goes wrong.

-They tried convincing him that they only needed him for a few spots, but after realizing that he wanted this (and him assuring them that he doesn’t bother with suing), they let him do his thing. The results are fruitful since the most nitpicky movie fans are absolutely thrilled when there’s a particular move done right.

-He teaches Arno a good few things about how to do action scenes, and they’re definitely good friends.

KASSANDRA

-Roller Derby

-She lives for throwing people and smacking them without being judged for it, so the Derby’s her safe spot.

-Everyone on the opposing team is terrified of her, always scared when they see her devilish smile, knowing that they’re about to get their asses handed to them. Like her brother, she’s an adrenaline junky, and when she’s not doing the derby, she’s going off into car races in a water trench. She’s surprisingly very good with cars too, knowing the inside and out of a car like the back of her hand.

-She loves it when men try to catcall her. It gives her a perfect opportunity to punch them in the face.

-She loves the races themselves because no one expects it. Sometimes she pretends to act like a beginner and absolutely slaughter them, giving them a nice wink before driving out with her cash.

-Only has a soft spot for the girl who visits her on weekends. She’s practically her older sister, and there will be hell to pay if her favorite kid gets hurt in any way.

EIVOR

-BACA(Bikers Against Child Abuse)

-The moment I saw this, I instantly thought about them.

-they would absolutely be a part of this

-Looking all badass in leather while turning into a softie for children? That’s Eivors entire character right there.

-Eivors not afraid to get physical with an abuser. They’d beat the abuser to a pulp and right after take the child out for ice cream.

-No one messes with Eivor, knowing that their lenience was stretched only for children. Anyone else tried to pressure her? Your teeth would be shattered and they’d wear the bits for a necklace.

-Children are much more brave around them because they’re tougher than their parent and on their side, so they’re not afraid to give them to the police

[jacob-mydear]

Happy Birthday, Monsieur Dorian

Summary: It’s the birthday of a certain Arno Dorian, and his friends and colleagues, the Assassins and Templars of Casa Assassino, are preparing to surprise him with a birthday celebration. And when Templars and Assassins work together to pursue a common goal, they do it surprisingly well ... [Modern Day AU fanfic; Assassins & Templars as housemates]

Length: 1,881 words

“I don’t see why you need me around,” Arno remarked. “You’ve never taken me shopping before.”

Jacob shrugged, smiled in what he hoped was an innocent way, and wrapped his arm loosely around Arno’s shoulders. “Well, I thought I could use a second opinion,” he said lightly, “and whose better opinion on cooking appliances than yours, Frenchie?”

Arno shrugged out of Jacob’s embrace and raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Alright, Anglais. I know you’re up to something, but I don’t want to imagine how upset your sister would be if you ended up bringing home cheap cookware. Lead the way.”

Jacob and Arno weaved their way through crowds of shoppers. It was a Saturday afternoon, and the streets teemed with the weekend shopping crowd, enjoying the fair weather. Families walked by with babies in prams, couples holding hands languidly strolled by, and children ran past the two gentlemen who were making their way to a cooking ware shop.

“I still think we should have gone to IKEA,” Jacob muttered under his breath, but Arno overheard and shook his head.

“Non non, you don’t want anything from there,” he said, with a mild tone of disapproval. He walked through the shop, scanning the shelves, until he spotted what he was looking for. “Let’s start with a good cast-iron pan. They’re very versatile, and can last you ages.”

As Arno and Jacob looked over a selection of cast-iron pans (Jacob nearly doubling over at the sight of their price), Altaïr watched them carefully from a safe distance.

“They are preoccupied,” the older Assassin reported under his breath into a concealed mouthpiece. “You have an hour, my friends.”

Back at the shared house, Ezio nodded. “Bene, Altaïr,” he said into a matching mouthpiece. “Grazie.”

He turned to the team he’d gathered in the kitchen. “So, we have about an hour before they return. Are we ready?”

Evie, Élise, Shay and Connor – decked in matching white aprons – nodded in solemn affirmation. Arrayed on the kitchen counters were a vast array of ingredients: Red strawberries fresh from the farmer’s market sat amongst leafy greens, bushels of potatoes and peppers, and raw slabs of marbled steak sat in glass trays.

Edward popped his head in from the kitchen window. “The grill is hot!” he called out from the yard outside.

“Good,” Ezio said, grinning, hands at his waist. He reached out for a whisk. “Then let’s begin!”

“Remember, he likes his steak medium rare,” Élise reminded, as she handed Edward the slabs of meat through the kitchen window.

“Your man is a true gourmand,” Edward remarked, giving Élise a wink.

She gave a small laugh in reply. “I think the term you’re looking for is gourmet, Monsieur Kenway, but I suppose I can agree with you: Arno certainly enjoys his food.”

Edward’s smile grew broader. “Ah, I never had a talent for learning French. Unless it was to read the labels on wine bottles – aye, that’s the most I could do.”

“Father, stop flirting with my colleague,” Haytham called from where he was standing next to the grill they had set up outside. “We don’t have much time.”

“Fifty minutes!” Ezio reminded them, metal bowl and whisk in hand, whipping egg whites into stiff peaks.

“Yes, chef,” everyone in the kitchen replied in unison.

“I hope Jacob’s alright,” Evie said, with tears in her eyes. Anyone would have thought they were tears of worry for her brother, if not for the fact she was rapidly chopping onions with practiced ease. Beside her, Shay chuckled.

“We sent the right man for the job,” he reassured her. “If there’s anyone who’s the best at causing a diversion, it’s your brother.”

From where he was peeling potatoes, Connor nodded in agreement. “The other day, I followed Jacob to look for new sports shoes. But by the end of the day, I found myself with several hoodies, a gym membership, two hundred dollars’ worth in video games, and a Nerf gun. And no shoes.”

“You should restrain him,” Evie sighed, knowing that she was the only semblance of impulse control Jacob ever had. But she couldn’t help but agree – if there was an expert at wasting people’s time (and buying time for others), it was her brother.

“Better that Jacob help us keep Arno occupied,” Connor remarked, “than here helping us in the kitchen.” Shay and Evie shuddered, remembering the last time they let Jacob handle the cooking. The smell of burning lingered for weeks.

The kitchen soon came alive with clatter of cooking utensils, the sound of sizzling butter, the smell of things simmering and baking, and bright voices calling out instructions as all a manner of dishes were being prepared for what was looking like a feast.

“Blue is his favourite colour.”

Desmond exchanged a look with Aveline, raising an eyebrow. “You think so?”

Aveline shrugged, matching Desmond’s look of skepticism. “Well. He’s always wearing blue – I’m just assuming so.”

The both of them looked over a selection of finely-crafted satchels, bags and carrying cases in front of them. They came in a variety of shapes, sizes, and styles – but Aveline called for a few to be brought to them, and examined them closely.

“We should get this one in black,” she decided, holding up a sleek, smart-looking briefcase. After a moment, she added, “And we’ll take the matching monogrammed scarf, too.”

“That’s not going to cost too much, is it?” Desmond asked, worriedly thinking about how much he had left on his credit card before it maxed out. Aveline gave him a sweet, knowing smile.

“T'inquiète pas,” she assured him. “I’m a VIP member here. They’re very nice to me; they’ll throw in the scarf for free.”

Desmond stared at her in a mixture of disbelief and admiration. “Wait, wait, wait. Aveline ... how often do you have to shop at Louis Vuitton for you to qualify for VIP status?”

“Often enough,” Aveline replied airily, avoiding Desmond’s gaze – although Desmond was swiftly beginning to get a distinct insight into her spending habits, and her taste for high fashion.

“You certainly took a while,” Arno muttered in increasing irritation as his companion finally exited the gelato shop.

“Oh, come on, Frenchie, I wasn’t that long,” Jacob cajoled. “Want a taste of my gelato?”

“You spent twenty minutes choosing a flavor, and nearly ten minutes flirting with the server,” Arno murmured, glancing shortly at his pocket-watch. He sighed. “Let’s head back, Jacob. It’s late, Élise has not answered any of my phone calls, and I promised your sister you would be home for dinner.”

“Ah, of course,” Jacob said. He threw a quick glance towards where Altaïr was watching from across the street. “Shall we grab a coffee first?”

“There’s coffee at home.”

Jacob knew from Arno’s terse replies that there was no more stalling him. He saw Altaïr nod from the distance, and the two made their way to the subway.

“They’re on the move,” Altaïr reported discreetly into his mouthpiece, and listening for an affirmative before, he too, made his way home – albeit by a different, faster route via the city rooftops.

It was dark by the time Jacob and Arno reached Casa Assassino. Suspiciously, the entire home was in darkness – not a single light came from the windows, and it was strangely silent, although there were no signs that anyone had left: Connor’s bike and Ezio’s Alfa Romeo were still in the driveway, and Evie’s smart and practical Tesla was parked across the street.

Instantly, Arno became suspicious. “Something doesn’t feel right here, Frye,” he remarked to Jacob, who was casually walking up to the porch. “Let me just have a quick look in Eagle Vi —”

“Don’t use your Eagle Vision!” Jacob said hurriedly, meeting Arno’s increasingly skeptical expression. “I’m sure everything’s fine, Frenchie. Come on. You’re being paranoid.”

Arno gave him a skeptical look, thoroughly unconvinced. “Right. And I suppose you’re going to tell me all the lights of our house are mysteriously turned off because it’s Earth Hour.”

“That’s precisely what I was going to tell you!” Jacob said with a broad grin, unlocking the door and swinging the door open.

For a tense moment, nothing happened. The living room inside was dark, and only the ghostly shapes of furniture illuminated by the faint streetlights were discernible. Suddenly, there was the briefest ‘click’ of a switch being flipped, and the room flooded with light.

“SURPRISE!” cried the Assassins (and the few stray Templars), as they leapt out from behind the sofas, from inside cupboards, and, in Connor’s case, from behind a curtain because he was too big to fit anywhere else. Arno regarded his friends in absolute disbelief as he was suddenly showered in confetti.

“Joyeux anniversaire, Arno,” Élise said warmly, as she approached him to lay a soft kiss on his cheek. Arno gave a blank look, before realization dawned on his face and he nodded and smiled. “Oh. Oh! Of course. Today’s my birthday.”

“Ah, yes, I told you he’d forget,” Edward laughed. From next to him, Shay grumbled and handed Edward ten dollars.

At that moment, Altaïr came parkouring in through an open window – and Arno immediately addressed him. “You were following us,” he said with a laugh. “I thought I saw you. You’re terribly good at hiding in plain sight, Mentor.”

Altaïr shrugged, but looked pleased with himself.

“And you,” Arno said, his tone accusing as he turned towards Jacob. “You were wasting my time on purpose.”

“Ah, amico mio, let’s not start turning on our brothers,” Ezio said with a laugh, coming between them. He held out an arm towards the dining room. “You usually do all the cooking here, Arno – we decided that, instead, perhaps we could return the favour.”

Arno looked in disbelief at the sumptuous spread laid out on the table. As he regarded all his favourite foods and desserts – steak, a bottle of red Bordeaux, and what looked like strawberry mille-feuille. He made a wordless glance towards Élise (no who doubt played a part in giving insights on what his favourite foods were) and she simply smiled and winked.

“Sorry we’re late!” Desmond said, suddenly jumping through the same open window that Altaïr came through. Aveline, also just arriving, had enough decency to come in through the front door.

“We were just getting this gift-wrapped,” Desmond announced, presenting Arno with a medium-sized parcel. “Happy birthday.”

Arno recognized the initials emblazoned on the chocolate-coloured box, and laughed. “This is too much, mes amis. You are too kind to me.”

“It’s alright,” Desmond said, “Aveline got us a discount.” This earned him a painful nudge to the ribs from Aveline. “Ow! What?”

“You can open your present later, let’s eat,” Evie said firmly, when she noticed the hungry stares that Connor and Shay were giving to the cuts of steak on the table. The Assassins and Templars sat down, and Edward served, while the others passed around the side dishes.

Several hours later, they all found themselves in the living room, drunkedly playing a round of ‘Taboo’. 

In a moment of tranquility – as Jacob struggled to describe, ‘chicken leg’ amidst fits of drunken giggling – Arno regarded his fellows, and smiled to himself.

“Everything alright there, Arno?” Desmond asked.

Arno nodded. He grinned, looking on as Evie and Jacob high-fived. “Thank goodness for twin telepathy!” they crowed triumphantly while the opposing team groaned, wondering if twin telepathy was, indeed, an actual thing.

“Oh yes,” Arno replied. “I was just thinking ... my birthdays had always been quiet affairs. This –” he made a sweeping gesture at the Templars and Assassins who were now struggling to contain their laughter as Edward tried and failed to describe the word, ‘piercing’ – “is a much welcome change.”

Desmond smiled broadly. “Yeah? Well then ...” he raised his beer bottle, “Happy birthday, pal.”

“Merci,” Arno replied, raising his wine glass in return.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: This turned out a lot differently than what I originally planned – I had a different storyline in mind, but with the deadline of Arno’s birthday (August 26th) looming in the distance, I did not have much time to make much changes to the story and had to make do with what I had. 😅

I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it. I want to write more ‘Casa Assassino’ stories in the future, because I think when you get all the characters interacting together, fun stuff is bound to happen, haha! I’ll also see if I can include Cal Lynch and Aguilar de Nerha involved in future stories as well, somehow! 😊

[storytimefromthecreed]

Ratonhnhaké:ton: "Do it. End it. Please."

Sweat formed on his brow and upper lip. His heart hammered in his chest. This was it. After everything they’d been through, this was how their relationship would end. Right here. In front of everyone.

He looked to Altaïr, but the Assassin looked at him with pity; so he looked to Evie, but she couldn’t acknowledge him. He faced her alone. All his training lead to this. Prepared him for this moment.

“Dear, I am so sorry.”

“I don’t want to hear it, Ratonhnhaké:ton.” She said. He’d never seen her so angry, so ready to kill him. He’d lived a good life. Maybe this was for the best.

“After everything? This is how you repay me? I trusted you! I LOVED you!” She roared.

“(Y/N), please! It was a mistake! I can change!” He begged.

“No.” She said too calmly. “You always do this. I trusted you, but you never change.”

His heart raced. He couldn’t bear to look at the others for help. He knew what he deserved, and he was going to pay for what he had done.

“Do it. End it. Please.” He barely breathed, but she shook her head.

“Death is too good for you.”

“No, please-”

“I’m changing the Netflix password, and you get to tell Edward you ate his birthday cake.” With that, she turned on her heel and marched out of the kitchen. Connor looked to Evie and Altaïr, but they shrugged.

“Hey, you got caught.” Evie said and followed her friend.

Altaïr reassured Connor with a firm grasp on the shoulder. “She was in here baking all yesterday. Maybe you should bake her an "I’m sorry” cake.“

"I don’t know how to bake.” He groaned. He wished she’s just murdered him.

“YouTube, my friend.” Then Altaïr left him also.

[teecupangel]

i know you have so much on your plate rn but i can't stop thinking about Ezio-era Baker!Desmond and the shenanigan layers of ✨intrigue✨ going on with Ezio and Leo thinking he’s Giovani's bastard, and Maria inviting him to the villa on a whim ’cause she thinks her kids (and Leo) like the pastries, and Desmond misinterpreting absolutely everything because that boy is a Wreck™

what comes of it, tho?? is Desmond trying to alter history more than just pre-inventing exotic baked goods? is he already having to dodge assassins around Italy while trying to protect the Auditore family, getting on Giovani's radar and spooking him ’cause he can't figure out what branch he's from? or is Desmond holed up in his bakery trying very hard NOT to change anything ’cause hey he’d already saved the world he’d like to not fuck things up bad enough to have to do it again?

does Giovani catch a glimpse of him at some point (either just in the bakery or while Desmond’s out being assassin-y), and instead of thinking he looks like himself or Ezio (since this would be before Ezio gets the scar), thinks he looks eerily like the statue of Altaïr? as another layer of shenanigan, he could come to Leonardo with the idea of time travel but thinks that Desmond is from the PAST rather than the FUTURE, and Leo spends the whole convo trying not to blurt that he thinks/knows Desmond is GIOVANI'S kid

just. the confusion of this au speaks to me, since it’s ALMOST crack-y but also these fools are canonically FOOLS, and i love the way you blend angst with shenanigans. im also shippy at heart, so would love to see your take on that in this au if you have the time 👀

(thank you for reading, i hope you're doing well! 🧡)

As long as you guys are find that your asks are getting answered a month later, I’m alright with adding more to my plate XD (just to be clear, this is a first-in-first-out basis for both asks and replies/reblogs and I’m only about to clear Oct 13 XD)

The original Desmond becomes a baker in Renaissance Italy and gets mistaken as Giovanni’s illegitimate child idea for those curious.

In this one, Desmond only went as far as stop the Auditores from being arrested by dropping key documents showing Uberto’s treachery to the Medici. He stayed as far away as he could from the Auditores and only dropped off the evidence in Lorenzo’s bedside table one day, slipping into the darkness. Anyone who saw him actually thought he was a monk since he was wearing a monk’s attire (which he burned afterwards). This does lead to Giovanni and the thieves guild looking for him after since he hasn’t done any other Assassin related stuff and was simply living his life as a baker, they’re hitting a dead end. Desmond doesn’t plan to do anything else since he believes that the Auditores would be able to handle it from here and he’s betting on Giovanni finally starting Ezio’s training after learning that the Templars are after his family.

Giovanni’s first glimpse of him is when he checked the bakery from afar since his family seemed to like it so much. He just wanted to make sure it wouldn’t post any danger to his family and maybe even talk to La Volpe into adding it to the thieves’ patrol route just so they would have eyes on the bakery at all time. It’s gotten so popular that the Medici are even thinking of ordering from them so Giovanni figured he should do reconnaissance before it got to that point. When he saw Desmond, he doesn’t see the similarities between them, he saw Desmond looking a lot like the statue of Altaïr and he freaks out. Because, unlike Ezio or Leonardo, he does have an inkling of how powerful Those Who Come Before were. He has seen the Shroud and he has heard the tales of how Altaïr had mastered one of their weapons. And… if the Shroud could heal all and any injuries then… In this case, Giovanni doesn’t think Desmond is a time traveler, he thinks Desmond is Altaïr himself who has gained immortality thanks to the ‘powers’ of Those Who Come Before.

Thank you! I honestly like writing these ideas where it’s crack but not crack enough that it’s a bit confusing XD

[teecupangel]

Desmond owning a bakery on the Davenport Homestead!! Why not complete the trilogy?

Making various kinds of bread for the Mile's End to be served as sides for meals, using leftover goods make other kinds of meals and to feed Prudence's & Warren's animals, and the people of the homestead often visiting the bakery when taking breaks from their jobs.

I imagine Connor meeting Desmond for the first time on the Frontier when the latter was looking for better herbs to use in the bread he makes. Connor felt something familiar in him, prob thought "y not", and offered Desmond a chance to have a bakery at the homestead.

Even if Connor mayhaps isn't a big fan of sweets, someone else on the homestead certainly is (Godfrey's & Terry's kids have sweet teeth(?) for sure).

Here’s the 3rd Crusade Baker version with Desmond using the power of looking a lot like Altaïr but with big bright smiles to unnerve and confuse the Al-Sayf brothers and the power of sweets to stop Altaïr from asking questions.

Here’s the Renaissance Italy Baker version where Ezio and Leonardo mistake Desmond as Giovanni’s illegitimate child and Desmond mistakes Leonardo’s ‘hints’ as Leonardo starting to figure out that he’s a time traveler with bonus oblivious Maria who just think Ezio and Leonardo really likes the bread and keeps asking Ezio to buy more.

Let’s combine both of your asks!

.

Desmond actually learns to bake in England. There’s a sweet old couple who needed help with their bakery and Desmond sorta got adopted by them. That’s where he learned the basics of how to bake.

He stayed with the sweet couple until they die peacefully of old age.

They lived a long life and Desmond doesn’t regret staying with them for this long.

Then their son who never even bothered to visit them took over the bakery and kicked Desmond out because he felt threatened by Desmond.

Desmond had half the mind to stab the asshole but he refrained from doing acts of violence because (1) he made a promise to himself that this life, he was going to try and be a pacifist (emphasis on try) and (2) he knows the sweet couple would be sad if Desmond stabs the asshole… in the leg… maybe twist it a bit… no, Desmond. Bad, Desmond.

So… knowing he was going to do something he had promised not to do if he stayed in England, he made his way for the first ship leaving the port, requesting to be taken in as kitchen help or something (even gave the captain his last batch of bread to sweeten the pot).

…

Okay.

So…

Here’s the thing.

Desmond had been deliberately ignoring whatever news he hears and the year. Because he knew if he knew the year, he’d be tempted to do something because he was around the time that Ratonhnhaké:ton would be born so…

He’s trying to be selfish here, okay?

He knows it’s not really the best way to go about it and he knows that he can, in theory, change history and all that grand stuff.

But Desmond doesn’t want to do that. He already saved the world. This is his retirement.

Why is this important?

Because Desmond would like to stress that it was a bloody coincidence that he boarded the same ship Haytham boarded to go to the colonies.

And now Haytham was observing him because he knows that Desmond was not part of the original crew which means he was suspicious.

So Desmond stays away from Haytham and keep his head down and… hope for the best, essentially.

…

Desmond would like to stress that he did not give Haytham food poisoning!

He was in charge of cutting ingredients, for god’s sake! He was nowhere near the pot OR Haytham’s fucking plate.

Also… is Haytham sure it’s not just seasickness?

… probably not but Desmond is innocent!

Oh, what he would do to wring the neck of the actual Assassin who failed in assassinating Haytham. If he was going to poison the man, at least double the dosage anyway to be sure!

Again.

Desmond is a pacifist… but dear god that kitchen knife was certainly looking quite sexy at the moment.

.

Ah.

Land.

And most important.

Goodbye, Haytham!

Desmond should skedaddle and…

What’s that?

Oh.

Someone needs help? Well… Desmond wasn’t heartless. He’d help.

Oh, wait.

Oh, fuck.

It was Benjamin Franklin.

Why yes, Desmond was looking for work.

What’s that?

Oh, he can cook but he makes a mean bread.

…

Oh.

Uuuhh… it seemed Desmond just got hired by Benjamin Franklin to be part of his kitchen staff???

.

Desmond has no idea who the two Assassins were.

He has no idea why the two of them decided to visit Franklin this early in the morning.

What he does know is that Franklin turns into a whiny baby if he smells Desmond’s bread and can’t eat it so he’s serving them all fresh bread and tea just so Franklin doesn’t complain to him later on.

… was that the light of a POE?

Nope.

Desmond must be seeing things.

.

Jesus Christ.

He doesn’t know why Franklin had been kidnapped and why he has to be kidnapped as well. He can, of course, just beat the crap out of all of them but…

Well…

That would destroy his ‘pacifist life’, right?

He did tell Franklin that he quit as soon as they got kidnapped though because this man was a magnet for trouble and the pay wasn’t worth all these.

Relax.

Desmond knew Franklin would live a long life.

He just doesn’t want to be part of it.

Oh, look, it was the Assassin from before.

Huh.

He looked different.

Doesn’t matter to Desmond.

Goodbye, Franklin. Thank you for the letter of recommendation!

.

Good news! He got his own bakery!

The rent was cheap and the neighborhood was alright.

Things were looking good.

.

Bad news! The landlord apparently died and the new landlord is a dick.

The rent has gone up.

Desmond’s bakery was still doing good so he can take the hit.

He’d just have to postpone any experiments he has planned to make pastries and bread he remembered from his time but don’t exactly remember the ingredients for now.

.

Well, fuck.

His bakery has apparently gotten the attention of Washington.

Why?

He has no idea.

But if he was going to make a guess. Some of Franklin’s servants would regularly buy bread from him so that old man must have been talking to some people.

But seriously.

Why the hell was Washington even buying bread himself?

Doesn’t he have servants to do that for him?

It… does not bode well for the future of Desmond’s bakery.

.

As he had expected…

So asshole landlord was loyal to the British Crown and, since it appeared that George Washington was now a fucking regular (what is this life, seriously???), that must mean Desmond was one of them.

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

And now he’s getting evicted without even getting his goddamn stuff?

Oh, to hell with that.

“What are you doing?”

Desmond turned to stare at Ratonhnhaké:ton who was suddenly standing just behind him, watching him dangle with one leg on the other side of the window of his no-longer-his bakery.

“Uuuhh… I’m not robbing the place?”

Ratonhnhaké:ton just stared at him.

“My asshole landlord kicked me out without letting me pack my things and chained the doors so I can’t get in.”

“I see… Would you like me to retrieve the key then?”

Tempting.

Desmond was pretty sure if he just adds a bit of waterworks, he can ask Ratonhnhaké:ton to beat the crap out of that asshole for him.

Again, Desmond was trying to be a pacifist this time around.

So violence doesn’t count if he’s not the one throwing hands.

“Nah. He’d just come back and get some goons to kick me out again…”

Desmond paused for a moment before he asked…

“If you have the time… mind helping me pack my entire life into small sad boxes?”

“I will find a big box we can use.”

“Thank you-” Desmond stopped himself before he could say Ratonhnhaké:ton’s name. He smiled as he asked, “What’s your name? If you’re helping me do some B&E, we should atleast know each other’s name. My name’s Desmond.”

“Connor.” Ratonhnhaké:ton replied.

“Okay, Connor.” Desmond said, although it felt a bit awkward not calling him by his real name, “Thanks.”

.

Desmond’s entire life fitted a small wagon that can easily be carried by a donkey.

Was that sad?

Or was this a sign that he was a minimalist?

To be fair, most of his belongings were stuff he used for baking.

Desmond sighed, “Guess I have to look for a new place to set up shop now.”

Maybe he’d cash in on Washington’s weird favoritism and rent a place with a landlord who hates the monarchy.

“I might know a place.” Ratonhnhaké:ton said as he stared at Desmond, “If you have no other place to go… perhaps…”

Was he…

Oh, he was asking Desmond to go to the homestead.

Well…

To be fair…

The homestead would definitely be peaceful.

Profit would probably not be as good as how it was here in the city though.

Then again…

It was never about the profit anyway.

Desmond turned to grin at Ratonhnhaké:ton as he said, “I’d love to.”

.

Peace.

This was what Desmond wanted.

Waking up early, making freshly baked bread for the people of the homestead.

Spending a few minutes with each one just to talk about how yesterday went.

Checking the surrounding areas for things he could use as ingredients for his experiments.

Making sure his garden was thriving and waiting for the fruits and vegetables that he’d use on his experiments.

Giving sweetbreads and puddings to his little visitors who always bring him berries and other ingredients they find or their parents give them in exchange for the snack.

Ah.

This was the life.

(I tried to make this sound like Desmond’s ranting without turning it to 1st POV. I hope it was okay XD)

[teecupangel]

A/b/o DesMal?? (Desmond x malik)

Okay, so this could be set in a Modern Day AU or Desmond gets booted into the Third Crusades but here are some of the things that would happen:

Desmond would obviously be mistaken for Altaïr unless they get closer and sniff him. That’s why, as weird as it sounds, anytime Desmond is mistaken for Altaïr, he just sighs and says “Come closer and sniff me”. There’s a lot of different reaction to that one.

We can go for the route of Altaïr and Desmond are twins or cousins. Or we can go for the route of they’re not related and this is a quirk of fates or some shit. (Even in the case of Desmond getting booted into the Third Crusades, Desmond would have to pick one of those choices because saying “he’s my ancestor and I’m a time traveler.” isn’t really an option)

Malik is one of the few people who can differentiate the two without having to sniff (Desmond) or be glared at (Altaïr). He doesn’t say it but that’s because he can always smell Desmond’s scent even before he should be close enough for Malik to see him.

Desmond smells like freshly baked sweet bread to Malik.

Malik smells like cotton candy to Desmond. He can’t really explain it but it’s not that Malik smells like real cotton candy but that’s the image that pops into Desmond’s mind when he catches Malik’s scent.

Malik isn’t an idiot, he knows this could only mean that he and Desmond were highly compatible and Desmond hasn’t been that subtle in checking if Malik was interested in him. Definitely not subtle enough since Altaïr could see it and would always have that pinched look on his face before leaving the room Desmond and Malik were in without even saying goodbye (which is rude).

He is also very much interested in Desmond, it’s just… he didn’t expect to actually find a mate himself. He had been uninterested for as long as he could remember and he had accepted that his younger brother would be the one to carry the Al-Sayf line (Although, really, he wished Kadar wasn’t so smitten by Altaïr of all alphas) so it takes a bit for him to accept that, yes, he and Desmond are compatible and, yes, the more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of being mates with Desmond.

Fated mates sorta exist in this idea in the sense that it’s a legend and there have not been any real records of it. The general consensus is that it’s more of the case of ‘you are fated mates because you both fell in love with one another and your scents are compatible’

Desmond would be moping during that time Malik is sorting his feelings since he’d take Malik’s silence as rejection and Altaïr has to be the one to suffer smelling the sadness from Desmond.

So when Malik started courting Desmond (all proper and traditional, complete with a mated chaperone in the form of Rauf (if this is during the Third Crusades) or maybe someone like Bayek or Ezio (if this is a modern day AU)), his biggest wall is now the fact that Desmond believed he’s courting him because Malik noticed him ‘moping’ and felt bad so this is… a pity-courting thing.

Malik should be offended but he knows he fucked up by being silent and it was such a dumb move that an idiot like Altaïr would have done (cue Altaïr’s offended face in the background as he snarks that he would have gone at full speed if it had been him, shut up Altaïr that's not any better!)

So now Malik has to show Desmond that he’s being sincere and that he wants a future with Desmond. Maybe even have a scene where it all comes to head and Malik blurts out how many kids he wants and Kadar is in the background just going “back it, brother! Too far!!!” but, jokes on them, Desmond is into that XD

So… I’ve been quite vague on whether they’re alphas/betas/omegas. The main reason is because I think this could work with any kind of combination you want and, honestly, Desmond and Malik could be alphas, betas or omegas if you want. I will say that I made Altaïr an alpha because part of the setup is that Altaïr is going to make Malik’s life a bit harder because he kinda adopted Desmond as his sorta sibling (if they’re not actual siblings in the setup)/child and the shit Malik did definitely deserves some sort of metaphorical punching. Kadar can be a/b/o, your choice. Also, just because Malik is the one courting doesn’t mean he can’t bottom if you want. That’s also the reason why their a/b/o status is vague.

[teecupangel]

An Altair/Malik/Desmond A/B/O prompt in canon AC1 storyline? (with exceptions, like Kadar can be saved, hopefully.)

So we’re going for a time-travel setup and we’ll start the plot after Desmond keeps Kadar alive after the disaster that was the Jerusalem mission.

This would give us a way for Malik and Desmond to meet because, when Malik became Dai, he recognized Kadar’s scent in one of the houses in the Poor District while he was getting the lay of the land, so to speak. Kadar is still injured and Desmond tells him it would be risky to move him right now so, instead, Malik starts visiting the house daily.

First, it was just to check up on Kadar.

But later on, he took an interest in the omega who saved Kadar but refused to show his face.

Not that it was anything strange. It was normal for those in Levant and its neighboring kingdom and settlements to have their omegas covered from head to toe. It was a sign that they were unmated and ‘pure’. Their clothes also serve to mask their scent although it could only block so much, especially when the omega goes in heat.

When Altaïr finally makes his way to Jerusalem, Desmond and Kadar are still in the house in the Poor District but Malik didn’t think of telling Altaïr about Kadar’s survival. Desmond told him that he heard the Crusaders say they had someone of high regard helping them in Masyaf (it was a way for him to point a finger at Al Mualim without saying his name) but Malik doesn’t trust anyone, especially Altaïr who is actually the top of his list of suspects.

To keep Desmond safe, they also covered Kadar in the same scent-blocking fabrics that omegas' use while he heals so no one would recognize his scent.

Altaïr goes to the Poor District not to find any information that he may be able to use for his mission but because there’s a scent in the air that just kept knocking his mind, not letting him have a moment’s rest.

He finally finds the source of the scent in a small house and comes face to face with an omega that…

Ran away from him as soon as he saw him.

Of course, this being Altaïr… he chases after the omega.

He does finally tackle the omega and they stumble inside one of the rooftop gardens. Their close proximity and their sweat magnified their scent and Altaïr realized how compatible their scents were.

And how intoxicating the omega’s scent was.

How to smelled like how Altaïr always felt like what home would feel like.

Unorganized Notes:

Both Altaïr and Malik are alphas, Kadar is a beta and Desmond is an omega.

Altaïr never cared about omega scents. He found most of them nauseatingly sweet (even if everyone else thinks they smell fine). Al Mualim thinks Altaïr’s mastery of the Eagle Vision makes him more sensitive to scents and that’s why an omega’s scent annoys him.

The only omega Altaïr could tolerate was Adha because they’re childhood friends so he got used to her scent early on.

Malik has no interest in having an omega spouse before Desmond. He always expected Kadar to continue the Al-Sayf line.

They don’t actually describe the scents as something tangible like cinnamon or citrus-y. The scent is more of a feeling that is unique to everyone.

Desmond smells like the concept of home to Altaïr and he can’t explain it any other way. Desmond smells like the first spring morning to Malik. Kadar thinks Desmond smells like freshly baked bread. (“Is that your way of saying you want to eat me?” “I don’t know. You just smell… warm, I guess?”)

Desmond loves Altaïr at this point but it’s up to Altaïr to make Desmond fall in love with him. Desmond didn’t really think Malik would be attracted to him.

Both Altaïr and Malik would court Desmond and it would definitely get heated… in more ways than one. They both have feelings for Desmond but their alpha-ness is making them compete for Desmond’s affection. A lot of dick-measuring will happen with Kadar having first row seat in the entire thing.

Malik is gentler in his approach. Courting gifts, quiet walks, peaceful tea parties. He knows the proper etiquette of how to court an omega and he’s definitely sticking to the rules. Desmond thinks he’s quite sweet and he may be enjoying being treated with such care for once (thanks for the issues, Bill)

Altaïr has the courting habits of an eagle and a cat rolled into one (so I guess a griffin?). Making sure no one bothers Desmond. Giving gifts that would never be considered as courting gifst like throwing knives and Desmond was pretty sure the pretty necklace he just got had been on the neck of a very annoying and cutthroat merchant. He also has no sense of personal space and Desmond is pretty sure Altaïr keeps sniffing at him. Altaïr does have a leg up because Desmond knows this is how Altaïr shows his feelings and he finds it sweet in its own strange way.

In the end, Kadar would be the one to suggest Desmond just take both Altaïr and Malik as his mates. It’s not… well… it doesn’t happen often because of all the Alpha posturing that would happen but he has complete confidence that his brother and Altaïr could make it work for Desmond’s sake.

Desmond also believes that since Altaïr and Malik did end up being close friends in the original timeline.

If you want to include Altaïr x Malik in this: their relationship is more of competitive alphas who enjoys winning against the other. This meant that Desmond tend to act as either their judge or the focus of their competition and Desmond reaps the reward while the two do all the work.

Since this is A/B/O, no one is sure who the father of Desmond’s children is. Desmond only agreed to get pregnant once the Apple gave enough information to make the whole ‘giving birth during the 12th century’ less deadly.

Altaïr usually has a level head but he tends to get carried away when Desmond is involved which meant Malik has to be the one to make sure the two don’t do anything stupid.

Altaïr likes to prepare for Desmond’s heats, making sure they have all they need. Malik takes care of making sure nothing will happen whenever Desmond does go in heat in terms of the operations of the Levantine Brotherhood.

They once tried having just one of them with Desmond during his heat but the one left outside was unbearable to work with so everyone just agreed that the two Alphas stay with their omegas and they’ll take care of everything.

[teecupangel]

Tags from @noficbyhalves

#yesssss there's more #altaïr is peak 'engineering student who primarily eats baked potatoes bc theyre low-effort and nutrient-dense' #and i love that for him #the swearing about herbs is a mood and a half #desmond 'none of my ancestors really know how to garden but i am making this herb garden out of petty spite anyway' miles #tho i think the comments will be disappointed in desmond's chicago pizza reaction #since ezio predates the introduction of the tomato by a decent amount#there wouldn't really be the righteous fury they're looking for #at least not from ezio lol. desmond the new yorker however...

Altaïr would definitely eat baked potato if he was a college student. And while it’s baking, he’ll return to his studies and would forget that it existed until he hears the ding. He does add lots of spices and herbs to it because he doesn’t like bland food.

Desmond would argue that Ezio had a vineyard when he retired so he does have ‘information’ on how to garden.

Shaun would counter that, considering Ezio’s rich, he probably hired workers to work the vineyard.

Desmond’s offended expression and tone looks and sounds Italian when he heard that.

From @mysticalbasementwitch

Wait did that commenter imply that there is a theory out there in which Desmond is possessed by his ancestors ghost which honestly is not wholly inaccurate if you think about it

It’s a running joke in the ‘series’ that when Desmond’s accent changes and/or he starts speaking a different language, it’s the ghost of his ancestor possessing him from beyond the graves because they are disappointed with the ingredients available to Desmond. Many also believe it’s a bit Desmond does to get more ‘engagement’ and stuff. No one really believes that he’s truly possessed… maybe?

From @fromashesweriseuphiddenones

It's funny. A friend of mine and I did a role play where Desmond and Leonardo Da Vinci had a YouTube channel. There was one time Desmond made acholic drinks and Leo would paint after having some

While Leonardo is not in this idea as it’s purely modern day Assassins shenanigans, Shaun could definitely be the guinea pig of the channel’s miniseries “Historical Cocktails with Desmond and Shaun”. And instead of painting, Shaun has to talk about a specific historical event that Rebecca randomly picks from Wikipedia after Shaun has drank enough to be counted as ‘wasted’. This is like… the more less destructive version of Shaun drinking the alcoholic beverages from AC Syndicate.

From @zero-saito

The comment section of Desmond’s video are so many suggestions! What if some cooking channel invites him for a collab and he just rages from something not being right.

Oooohhhh, just imagine him and Max Miller having a collab and Desmond is being his charming self, maybe a bit of flirting here and there and then-

Bam!

Max Miller starts the history part of the video and Desmond interjects with anecdotes that sounded too personal for some reason. The fact that he’s talking with an accent is not helping at all.

Another collab I think would be funny would be if it’s Desmond and his British ancestor (who rarely ‘appears’ and they only know it’s him because Desmond gets a posh’er British accent than Shaun that is absolutely polite even when he’s talking shit about what he’s making and the ingredients he is forced to use) versus DougDoug and Napoleon AI.

DougDoug is cooking based on the setup from his AI Guy Fieri video but Napoleon Bonaparte AI as his 'partner'. Desmond is cooking as normal but he has to do it in the same kitchen as DougDoug.

Twitch chat calls this the “Hundred Minutes’ War” (it is more than a hundred minutes VOD lol)

Haytham takes over 5 minutes into the video because, dear god, it’s chaos and Desmond is enjoying it too much that he needs to take over, less they lose to an AI version of Napoleon Bonaparte who is as chaotic as he was in the cheating AI chess match videos.

so i have this idea in a Desmond lives au after the solar flare he starts a channel like tasting history with max miller in which he recreates historical dishes that his ancestors used to make with Shaun and Rebecca appearing by tasting what he makes

(The video starts with a man addressing the video in a beautiful clean kitchen)

“So this isn’t my usual content but I’ve got a lot of requests to do a reaction video on this youtube channel called ‘I Am Not My Ancestors’ where he recreates recipes he got from his ancestors. At least, that’s what he claims. A lot of you asked me to check if his recipes are what a household from that time period would make and I asked Desmond, he’s the owner of I’m Not My Ancestor channel if he’s alright with me reacting to them and I received his permission.”

“I’d like to make it clear that he has no hand in any of my reactions. This will be the first time I’m watching the videos I’d be reacting to and there’s no script, we didn’t talk about what I should say or what I shouldn’t say. I can even show you guys his actual reply to my email.”

(The video cuts to some kind of recorder, most probably a phone camera, aimed at the screen of a monitor showing an opened email)

Subject: Re: Requesting permissions to react to your videos

Sender: Desmond M iamnotmyancestor@yahoo.com

yeah go ahead man.

(The video returns to the man in the kitchen)

“So with his permission… let’s check out some of his videos, shall we?”

(The video changed. On the lower left corner is the same man, now wearing earbuds. The rest of the video appears to be a screen recording of the Youtube Channel ‘I Am Not My Ancestors’. The mouse clicks on the Cooking Playlist and clicks a video titled “What an Assassin from 12th Century That Can’t Cook Cooks”)

(The video changes to a normal looking kitchen with a young man. A prominent scar mars his lips and his eyes seemed to glow gold at certain angles although it looked mostly light brown)

“So… I’ve been focusing on Renaissance Italy food for a while now and I thought I’d branch out and make something my other ancestors made. Then I remembered my ancestor from 12th century Syria doesn’t know how to cook.” The man said as he placed his hands on the counter, “But, well, let’s try it anyway.”

(The video continues with the man listening down all the ingredients he’d be using to make what he calls ‘road food’)

(The video is paused and the man on the lower left begins to speak)

“Okay, so this is one of his latest videos and I just want to talk about all the ingredients he’s using for this… ‘road food’. All of these can be bought in Syria and I’ve seen all of them used in different dishes in historical cook books. The more important part is that all of these? Can be found in the wilds during those time and I believe that he’ll tell us that these ingredients are used because they don’t cost any money, only time and a discerning eye. Let’s see if I’m right.”

(The video plays once more)

“You can also change any of the things I listed to whatever wild plants to find on your way. Normally, if your mission takes you to a place that’s more than a day ride away-”

“By horse.” Someone off camera added.

“Yeah, by horse. Thanks, Becs. Anyway, if it’s more than a day ride away, what you usually do is stay in a nearby bureau- hm? Oh, right. A bureau is what the Assassins call their… mini headquarters in other places. So they have their headquarters in Masyaf, Alamut and Ḥalab and they have bureaus on other places as well.”

(The video paused and the man on the lower left speaks once more)

“While I can’t verify his claims, the Nizaris of which the Assassins are from did have strongholds in Masyaf, Alamut and this Ḥalab is more known as Aleppo to many of us. Anyway, let’s continue.”

(The video is played once more)

“But sometimes, you go to a far away place and the supplies they give you is lacking because Al Mualim is a stingy old man who’ll tell you that ‘an Assassin must triumph over’ this kind of bullshit so you learn to live off eating game and grass-”

(The video is paused and the man on the lower left commented)

“I believe this Al Mualim he speaks of is Rashid al-Din Sinan, known as the Old Man of the Mountain. From the way he speaks, it’s either he knows Rashid himself. Or, of course, he has a journal of his ancestor who has certain words to describe Rashid. I’m sure it’s the latter.”

(The video plays once more)

“So this is what Al-”

“Your ancestor.”

(The man on the lower left tilts his head but does not pause the video)

“My ancestor would make during those ‘tiring’ times.”

(The video continues as the man starts to cook, starting from preparing a small game and then… throwing it and all the other ingredients in a pot. The man on the lower left stared at him with an open mouth.)

“Yeah, that’s it. Just wait until the meat is cooked. While you wait, you should patrol the area, check your map, write on your journal… the usual stuff.”

(The video transitions to the same place but the man is now on his phone, seemingly tapping on the screen.)

“Desmond… isn’t it cooked yet?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah. I told you guys this is the easiest shit my ancestors can cook. This is also the only thing Alta-”

“Your ancestor.”

“My ancestor can’t fucked up. Anyway, let’s have Shaun try it out.”

(As the man grabs a bowl and pours the soup in it, a man with glasses stepped to the frame with arms crossed)

“Guys, say hello to Shaun, our resident taste tester and the actual historian in our little group.”

“I’ve been tasting everything you make for these videos. They already know who I am.”

“Yeah, yeah, just taste this.”

(The man with glasses took the bowl and blew his spoon before taking a mouthful. He chewed for a moment before nodding.)

“It’s okay.”

“You're British, of course you think the lack of flavor is okay.”

“Hey.”

“Anyway, the main point of this dish is to sustain us. Good food will always be welcomed but what we need is the nutrients and energy food gives us. After we get to the bureau, we’ll have some actual good food.”

(The video pauses and changes to only show the man in the beautiful kitchen)

“Okay, so let’s talk about the recipe itself…”

(The video continues as the man list down all the ingredients and where they have appeared in historical books, referencing other recipes similar to the recipe that the video used)

“I think I should watch more videos, maybe one of his Renaissance Italy videos because it seems like this ancestor of his is quite… the ‘frugal’ and practical kind. Let me know in the comments which videos you’d like me to watch nex-

(The video stops and the laptop closes)

“Desmond, he called Altaïr frugal and practical.”

“Not because he wanted to. What do you think he did when he was traveling with Maria? That man tried out every food he saw.”

(is this in the same universe as #Da Vinci's secret lover Not-Salai? Maybe? Maybe not? idk)

[freshstartfromscratch]

So I'm writing the Great British Bake-Off AU headcanons for Altaïr, Ezio, Connor, Edward, Arno and Jacob. Each character has a one point dedicated to their backstory and how they have learned to bake.

It turned out pretty wholesome.

And now I'm tempted to turn it into "what if Assassins lead a wholesome, domestic, modern lives?' headcanons instead.

I'm as though as a marshmallow when it comes to the domestic stuff 🥺.

I know that not everyone is interested in such boring content, especially in the AC fandom, but it does draw my attention.

Like don't get me wrong, I do argue a lot and don't accept any misogyny or shit. I will 100% fight you!

But I also like to make brownies (I'd write tiramisu but that'd be stereotypical af) in my kitchen that I've spent way too much time to decorate, take a long warm bath while reading a good story, wrap up in a blanket burrito and just cuddle with a meow meow in a peace of my own four walls.

[teecupangel]

From @artduringclasstime

Giovanni thinks Desmond is immortal!Altair who got sick of being an assassin, faked his death, and just started a bakery in Florence lmfaooo. Desmond is super sleep deprived one day and Giovanni asks him about Masyaf just off-the-cuff hoping to catch him off-guard and confirm his suspicions and Desmond makes the mistake of ANSWERING. Suddenly, there's nothing he can say to dissuade him and Des gets roped into assassin shenanigans anyway

From @decaffeinedduck

@artduringclasstime oh god the sheer potential is staggering. Just imagine Giovanni having a crisis for months and doesn’t want to tell anyone because he respect ‘Altair’ wish for retirement but eventually people caught on and he got assassins and templars checking him out and Desmond just panicking and breaking into cold sweat

Desmond just freaks out so badly he tells people that he isn’t Altaïr but Altaïr’s descendant (true) and he doesn’t want to do anything with Assassins and Templars, just leave him alone, he just wants to fucking bake for fuck’s sake! (half-true).

This leads to everyone becoming his customers and the bakery becomes a neutral “no fighting” zone. Of course, this is all their way of trying to court Desmond to join them because either he’s Altaïr (and they need to keep an eye on him even if he’s ‘retired’) or he truly is Altaïr’s descendant (which means they can use him). All the while, Desmond is just thinking if it would just be better to tell his adopted parents that they should just move their bakery somewhere else.

Like… Constantinople or something.

From @witchofthecoffee

OMG Desmond being mistaken with Altair is the best! I just like the idea of that. One moment Desmond is trying to denial it and in the next he could thanks to bleeding effect start stress talking in arabic! XD

Let’s make it worse. There is a merchant (supplier) for the bakery that Desmond speaks Arabic to because that’s his native language. To Desmond, he’s just getting a discount because the merchant is so happy he can speak his native language to someone who knows it and treats the bakery with a 10% discount because of this. Of course, because Giovanni actually knows Arabic, he tries to talk to the merchant about how they both know Arabic and the merchant is happy to talk to another one who speaks Arabic, even if this one isn’t as fluid. It was still passable! From that merchant, Giovanni learns that Desmond speaks in a way that was quite old, like a few centuries old than how the merchant’s people now speaks (Desmond’s way of speaking reminds him of reading old books, the merchant says) and the merchant noticed that a few of the words he used were words that those from Levant would use.

This would make Giovanni be more sure that Desmond is truly Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad!

i know you have so much on your plate rn but i can't stop thinking about Ezio-era Baker!Desmond and the shenanigan layers of ✨intrigue✨ going on with Ezio and Leo thinking he’s Giovani's bastard, and Maria inviting him to the villa on a whim ’cause she thinks her kids (and Leo) like the pastries, and Desmond misinterpreting absolutely everything because that boy is a Wreck™

what comes of it, tho?? is Desmond trying to alter history more than just pre-inventing exotic baked goods? is he already having to dodge assassins around Italy while trying to protect the Auditore family, getting on Giovani's radar and spooking him ’cause he can't figure out what branch he's from? or is Desmond holed up in his bakery trying very hard NOT to change anything ’cause hey he’d already saved the world he’d like to not fuck things up bad enough to have to do it again?

does Giovani catch a glimpse of him at some point (either just in the bakery or while Desmond’s out being assassin-y), and instead of thinking he looks like himself or Ezio (since this would be before Ezio gets the scar), thinks he looks eerily like the statue of Altaïr? as another layer of shenanigan, he could come to Leonardo with the idea of time travel but thinks that Desmond is from the PAST rather than the FUTURE, and Leo spends the whole convo trying not to blurt that he thinks/knows Desmond is GIOVANI'S kid

just. the confusion of this au speaks to me, since it’s ALMOST crack-y but also these fools are canonically FOOLS, and i love the way you blend angst with shenanigans. im also shippy at heart, so would love to see your take on that in this au if you have the time 👀

(thank you for reading, i hope you're doing well! 🧡)

As long as you guys are find that your asks are getting answered a month later, I’m alright with adding more to my plate XD (just to be clear, this is a first-in-first-out basis for both asks and replies/reblogs and I’m only about to clear Oct 13 XD)

The original Desmond becomes a baker in Renaissance Italy and gets mistaken as Giovanni’s illegitimate child idea for those curious.

In this one, Desmond only went as far as stop the Auditores from being arrested by dropping key documents showing Uberto’s treachery to the Medici. He stayed as far away as he could from the Auditores and only dropped off the evidence in Lorenzo’s bedside table one day, slipping into the darkness. Anyone who saw him actually thought he was a monk since he was wearing a monk’s attire (which he burned afterwards). This does lead to Giovanni and the thieves guild looking for him after since he hasn’t done any other Assassin related stuff and was simply living his life as a baker, they’re hitting a dead end. Desmond doesn’t plan to do anything else since he believes that the Auditores would be able to handle it from here and he’s betting on Giovanni finally starting Ezio’s training after learning that the Templars are after his family.

Giovanni’s first glimpse of him is when he checked the bakery from afar since his family seemed to like it so much. He just wanted to make sure it wouldn’t post any danger to his family and maybe even talk to La Volpe into adding it to the thieves’ patrol route just so they would have eyes on the bakery at all time. It’s gotten so popular that the Medici are even thinking of ordering from them so Giovanni figured he should do reconnaissance before it got to that point. When he saw Desmond, he doesn’t see the similarities between them, he saw Desmond looking a lot like the statue of Altaïr and he freaks out. Because, unlike Ezio or Leonardo, he does have an inkling of how powerful Those Who Come Before were. He has seen the Shroud and he has heard the tales of how Altaïr had mastered one of their weapons. And… if the Shroud could heal all and any injuries then… In this case, Giovanni doesn’t think Desmond is a time traveler, he thinks Desmond is Altaïr himself who has gained immortality thanks to the ‘powers’ of Those Who Come Before.

Thank you! I honestly like writing these ideas where it’s crack but not crack enough that it’s a bit confusing XD

[teecupangel]

@theconfusedartist’s tags:

#if it wasn’t clear #altaïr still believes maria is a dude #because she’s still wearing a helmet #scary desmond always smiles like an angel #that’s how you know you fucked up #<---teecups tags #im just thinking about the saying #that angering a kind/gentle person is the most terrifying thing you could do #for their rage cannot be contained #i feel like this could lead into more shenanigans #after this particular event no one ever fights around desmonds shop #they all realize that the scariest person around isn't the assassins or templars but instead the baker #now im just thinking that the district desmond works in is very peaceful bc of the truce that keeps the forces from fighting too much #one day some asshole lord comes over to desmonds shop and tastes fucking heaven #then decides that they're going to force desmond to come with them to cook in their house/palace/fortress #the entire area is about to riot and start a fight and desmond just steps in like #if you claim to love my sweets so much then i challenge y and ur men to eat everything i have #they all rejoice excited but get sleepy so fucking fast that theres no one to cart him off #everyone asks him if he poisoned the food and hes like #“no they were just too stupid to realize that eating a lot of bread with no water strains your system. they were so gluttonous that it #rendered them unable to move“ #truly everyone loves desmond but they also realize he could be dangerous if he wanted #but he doesn't so he gets to peacefully live his life as a baker #i did a lot of tag spam but i hope it was at least a fun read!

“Can it be weaponized?”

“Hm?”

“Your technique. Do you think it can be weaponized?”

Desmond stared at the man in front of him, staring intently at the display case (privately commissioned! Desmond spent a small fortune for it but, god damn, did it look so good) where today’s breads and sweets were all displayed.

Desmond didn’t understand why he was studying them intently, considering Altaïr would just end up buying all of Desmond’s sweets anyway.

Desmond actually wondered if he should cut Altaïr off.

This much sweet wasn’t good for his health… especially his teeth.

Unless Desmond finds a way to create toothpaste during this time?

Would it be too selfish if he was to use the Apple for such a thing?

But it was connected to health and having a healthy Altaïr meant having a healthy longtime customer…

“Desmond?”

“Hm?” Desmond blinked, finally taken out of his musing.

Altaïr’s golden eyes focused slowly on him and Altaïr asked, “I was asking if I can get two baskets of bread.”

Desmond blinked.

2 baskets?

That’s a quarter of his stock today already.

“Are you…” Desmond’s expression was one of sheer concern as he asked, “Are you okay?”

He leaned against the display case just so he could place his palm on Altaïr’s forehead. Altaïr froze while Desmond’s brows furrowed, “You’re a little hot… maybe you should take the rest of the day off if you’re feeling under the weather.”

“I’m alright.” Altaïr grabbed Desmond’s wrist and lightly pushed it away before letting go, “It’s the heat outside.”

Desmond wasn’t so sure but if Altaïr wished to be stubborn then he won’t stop him.

So he began to fill up two baskets of the usual bread he always baked that could be used as part of a meal or as the meal itself. He placed both baskets on top of the display case as he gave Altaïr the total amount of two baskets filled of breads.

Altaïr stared at him for a moment before he turned to look at the display case, “And all of these.”

He didn’t even need to point, Desmond knew exactly what Altaïr meant.

His lips curved into a small smile as he began to fill up another basket, making sure to place one of each dessert and sweets before filling it up with the honey-glazed and fruit heavy ones that Altaïr seemed to prefer.

Desmond supposed Altaïr was buying the ‘normal’ breads for his brothers back in the bureau.

He wasn’t sick.

He was just feeling generous.

Desmond considered that an improvement.

.

.

(Altaïr was not. He used the breads to check how many breads are needed to recreate what Desmond had done to that fool that the Rafiq had forbade Altaïr to assassinate because he had not received Al Mualim’s permission… All to study if it was possible to weaponize it… by forcing the people he needed to interrogate to keep eating.)

‘What if desmond time travels and has to deal with such and such, or turns into an animal, or gets hurt, or-’

What if Desmond time travels and learns how to bake bread!! Huh!!? What about that!! What if he opens a super successful bakery, and solves all the worlds problems with the best fresh baked bread every!!

(This is /j but like. 👏🏻 anons let Desmond have peace challenge👏🏻 (but also don’t cause I love reading all of them I’m just like ‘how did you even come up with this? Sometimes lmao))

Anyway, since we already have a Desmond is a baker in Renaissance Italy idea, here’s Desmond is a baker during the Third Crusades instead:

So in this setup, Desmond would say fuck it and just open a bakery in Acre.

Jerusalem was too much of a hotspot at the moment and Acre had ports which meant there would be new customers that Desmond could lure in with the smell of freshly baked bread. 

And it worked.

Maybe a bit too well because…

Kadar visited while he was out looking for information for his brother’s current target. 

They both stared at one another for a moment and then Desmond just did his usual ‘Welcome! Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to hear today’s recommendations?’ spiel while Kadar just stares at him.

When Kadar went “Altaïr?”, Desmond just gave him his best bartender ‘I’m being respectful but also distant so you’ll still tip me’ smile as he goes, “I’m sorry, we don’t have a bread called ‘Altaïr’.”

Then he showed Kadar the star-shaped pull apart sweet bread he’s just perfected and go “But maybe I can interest you in this pull apart start bread? It’s sweet and fluffy and freshly baked.”

And sweet poor Kadar leaves the bakery with a basket of breads instead because Desmond was good at using both Ezio’s charms and his bartending social skills to get customers to buy more than they should.

Hey.

A man needed to profit to keep the roof over his head while trying to experiment for the upcoming debut of his sugar-free pastries.

The next day, Malik entered the bakery but Desmond was ready.

Desmond had planned for this!

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted, giving Malik his sweetest smile that he knew would completely unnerve Malik.

Desmond weaponized the similarity between him and Altaïr to unnerve Malik to the point that he cannot focus on observing Desmond, distracted by such a sweet smile that looked so disturbing in his eyes because he’s imagining Altaïr doing such an expression and it was horror beyond Malik’s wildest imagination. 

Okay.

Desmond was exaggerating but that got Malik to not ask too many invasive questions and leave the bakery after purchasing two baskets worth of bread so Desmond was going to consider that a mission successful.

And then…

His greatest adversary entered his little quaint bakery.

And Desmond was ready for him.

“Welcome!” Desmond greeted happily, “Are you looking for anything specific or would you like to see today’s recommendations?”

Altaïr simply stared at him.

But that didn’t matter.

Desmond held all the cards.

Because he knew one of Altaïr’s greatest weakness…

Altaïr secretly loved sweets.

“Today’s a special day!” Desmond clapped his hands in practiced joy that wasn’t over the top, “Today’s the debut of our dessert line! Here.”

Desmond took out a tray of sweet deserts, glistening in either honey or fruit jams. 

“Would you like a taste?” Desmond asked with the sweetness of the snake that tempted Eve to take a bite.

And Altaïr…

Altaïr left the bakery with a basket filled with desserts and pastries, quietly sinking into the shadows before anyone could see him and ask for one of the forbidden sweets he had acquired.