#so all of those are really shit arguments
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Hiii so I thought of something that could maybe be good and thought I’d send a request for it. I was thinking something about what happens after the chicken shop date and how Amelia goes on her other date after and Billie is super jealous but the date sucks so she ends up texting Billie the whole time and Billie is still mad but Amelia begs her for another chance and talks her into meeting up after because she realizes she should have just stuck with Billie instead of going on another date and then they hook up. You could make it the reader instead of Amelia if you want I just love the storyline and how flirty and hot Billie was in that interview. For the sex I’d like dom Billie/strap/choking/orgasm denial/squirting if possible but just do your thing hahaha thank youuuh😘
𝜗𝜚 SHE CAN'T COMPARE
WARNINGS: SMUT, sorta angst(?), strap-on sex, choking, orgasm denial, degradation, squirting, dom/sub dynamics, meandom!billie, brattysub!reader.
NOTES: okay woah guys i actually finished this quite fast..
WORDS: 6.2k
SUMMARY: During your "date" with Billie, you accidently let it slip that you have another date after this. However, you can't get the argument out of your head, leading you right back to Billie.
TAGS: @mseilishmwah @sophloveswomen @mxqdii @livialifesblog @devynscomet @her-favorite @cannibalsclass @wiidfi0wer33 @loving1dsworld @tan1shere @fallingforfalll2 @cierraonline @dandelions4us @scarlittt @ifwdominicfike @meliciousmel13 @zayluvss @hrtsdollie
BILLIE EILISH × F!READER
"I'm actually going on a date after this." You blurt with a smile on your face as you take a sip of your drink. When you see Billie's face drop, you almost choke on the liquid, "Sorry."
Billie just crosses her arms over her chest, leaning back in her chair as she stares at you with those intimidating eyes of hers, "What the hell?" She chuckles, glancing at the camera. She didn't look irritated, but you knew damn well that she was.
With all the playful flirting behind the scenes and the soft, quick touches, it wasn't hard to miss that she had at least some interest in you. And it wasn't weird because you've been friends for quite some time before you finally had the courage to ask her to be on the show.
For a few moments, all that consumed the room was silence. Tense silence, to be exact. Billie's gaze spoke to you like nobody's ever did, and somehow, you knew exactly how she was feeling. You bite your lip nervously, eyes moving away from hers as it becomes too much.
"That—it—I didn't mean to say that." You stutter awkwardly, a coy smile on your face for the camera. The whole crew was still here, and you really hoped they didn't notice what was going on between the two of you, "Just a thought I didn't mean to blurt out."
Billie nods her head, "Well, you sure did." She scoffs, sounding more as a laugh to distract the camera crew and the people who would see this when it came out. She tilted her head as you took another sip of your drink to wash away the dryness of your throat.
"Right—shit—Sorry?" You mutter in an apologetic tone, leaning back in your chair to make a little more distance between your bodies. The table didn't even seem to create distance at this point. Her eyes were trained on yours, but yours were nervously tracing the pattern on the tablecloth.
Billie rolls her eyes playfully at your response, fixing her posture and sitting up straight, "So—You're goin' on an actual date after this?" She asks, both literally and just for the cameras. More literally, but nobody has to know.
"No—Billie, it's—This is a real date." You smile, trying to lighten the mood as you giggle softly at her jealousy. She was intimidating, but God, was she childish when she got like this, "I meant like a friend... date. With my girlfriends." You mutter, watching as an amused smile comes to Billie's face.
"Oh, so now you have girlfriends?" She scoffs, tone playful, shaking her head softly as she licks her lips. She adjusts her hat, muttering something too quiet for the microphone to pick up as she reaches for a fry.
You just stay silent, thinking of anything you could say that would change the topic. She was only teasing you now, clearly, "I'm actually just going home right after this. Maybe with you, even." You smile, watching as Billie raises an eyebrow at your harmless flirting.
"But you don't wanna stand up the lucky girl, do ya?" Billie questions, seemingly a joke to the camera, but hitting you very hard in reality. She shifts in her seat again, eyes dragging along your body and silently praying that it wouldn't be caught on camera.
You shake your head as you hopelessly stutter your reply, "I—no—there's no date after this. It was a joke." You play it off terribly, mentally cursing yourself for even blurting the stupid words in the first place, "Y'know, you're really hitting me hard and soft with these replies."
Billie's lips part at your word play on her new album, nodding her head as she chuckles, "Well, maybe next time, don't bring up your other date." She teases. When you glance into her eyes, you can tell exactly what she's thinking. And it's anything but sweet.
"Billie, there's no—I don't have a date, forget I even said that!" You shush, rolling your eyes at her as you take the last sip of your drink. Billie just shrugs nonchalantly, hiding her true emotions as she bites her lip, "Okay."
The camera equipment is slowly getting put away and hauled into the back of some moving van. But, you and Billie are still sitting at the same table you were in the interview. It was getting dark, and you did, in fact, have a real date that you had to be at soon.
Billie stays quiet, finishing up her food and stealing glances at you every now and then. Her thoughts are all over the place, jealousy pumping through her veins as the hand in her lap grips her jeans roughly. Her eyes snap up to yours right when you decide to finally look at her.
"What's her name?" Billie mutters, face even more stern than before when you were both being recorded. Now, she could finally express herself with words that didn't sound light-hearted, "Your date, I mean." She states, taking the last fry into her mouth and waiting for your reply.
You stay silent, almost dumbfounded, that she was still stuck on that topic. It'd been almost an hour and a half since you had that conversation, and yet it was still lingering in the air. A forced chuckle emits from your throat as you sit up straight, "Ms. None-of-your-concern."
Billie perks up at your response, cocking an eyebrow at your words. She'd never seen this side of you, and you really should've known that right now was not the time nor place for you to show her it, "Don't gimme that shit right now. You're acting like a child."
"Yeah, well, were you not acting the same while the cameras were rolling?" You retort, furrowing your eyebrows as the smile on your face slowly fades. She just scoffs in response, rolling her eyes she breathes out some stupid argument.
Your leg bounces beneath the table, mind racing as you check the time. You only had about an hour before your real date, and God, did you want to get away from Billie sooner. You can still feel her eyes burning holes through you, but you pay her no mind, huffing quietly in exasperation.
Billie notices the way you check your phone every few minutes, and it only annoys her further each time she catches you, "Better hurry up. Bet she wants to take you home later tonight, maybe even fuck—"
"Fuck you." You scoff, moving back in the chair as the screeching noise reverberates around the small, empty restaurant. You swiftly grab your jacket before storming out, leaving Billie alone in her seat, fuming.
"But your date's already gonna do that!" She calls angrily, hands clenched into fists as she watches the door slam behind you loudly. Her eyes stay on the glass for a moment longer, almost waiting for you to come back. But, you never do, so she just sits in silence.
Her head lolls back as she closes her eyes, sucking in a deep breath before she huffs out in frustration. Sure, maybe she was in the wrong, but who's to say you weren't as well? You knew how jealous she got. Each time she had a crush, she'd always run to you to complain about their ex's, never hiding her jealousy. And she was sure you didn't forget, you just knew how to push her buttons.
Quiet footsteps caught her attention, head turning in the direction of the kitchen, only to find the owner of the small restaurant approaching her, "We're closing soon, ma'am." He says, the tiredness clear in his tone and eyes. Billie just nods, humming quietly as she grabs her stuff and throws it away on her way out.
The lights hanging above you dimly lit the table and the girl across the table from you, highlighting her ocean blue eyes, quite like Billie's mesmerizing ones—No.
You shift in your seat as you listen to her, nodding at almost each word she says in an effort to seem like you were really listening. But, in reality, all you could hear was the chatter of other people seated around you. All you could even think about was what happened earlier that evening, at the restaurant with Billie.
Maybe that was the one thing that was distracting you, the one thing that made you think this date was going horribly. The girl wasn't even boring or an asshole. She was sweet and genuinely interesting. You just didn't know what was wrong with yourself.
You smile softly as you notice she's stopped talking, toying with the food on your plate, your fork twirling the pasta around it but not exactly bringing it to your lips to eat it. You'd lost your appetite, and you knew it wasn't from the food you ate a few hours prior to this.
"You okay?" She asks, and that's the one thing that pulls you out of your thoughts, eyes snapping to hers. They were swelling with concern, and so was her facial expression. God, you were really blowing it. Maybe you were the asshole.
The fork leaves your hand, clattering against the plate softly as you nod in response, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I just—Need to use the restroom real quick." You mutter, an apologetic look in your eyes as you stare into hers. You knew yourself that you wouldn't come back, so you didn't even bother promising it, instead just smiling at her before quickly rushing to the restrooms.
When you're out of her sight, you grab your phone from your bag, unlocking it as you open the door to the women's bathroom, making your way down to the furthest stall from the door and locking yourself in.
You click the first pinned contact, not even needing to look at who it is before you begin typing, leaning against the tiles of the bathroom wall.
y/n: hey
You bite your lip as you patiently wait for her response, muttering something along the lines of, "Please don't be mad at me, please don't be mad at me, please—."
When the three little dots show up, you let out a breath you hadn't even known you were holding, gripping your phone tighter as your eyes dart all around the screen.
billie: thought u were at ur date?
y/n: bored
y/n: cant stop thinking about our fight
y/n: you keep distracting me. idiot
You can almost feel her own emotions through the device. That sexy chuckle of hers imprinted in your mind. She gives your last text a thumbs down, and then the three little dots begin to bounce again.
billie: good to know im still on your mind tho
billie: also thats not even my fault??? js stop thinking of me then youll be okay 🤷♀️
y/n: kinda hard when you teased me the entire fucking interview
y/n: even off camera dude like wtf
Billie shifts on her couch, your words making her heart swell with pride. Even if you did piss her off, she was still happy she was on your mind. But, really, when wasn't she floating around somewhere in there?
billie: sorry for being me, damn
billie: also wtf why are you skipping over that shit that you did at the restaurant?
billie: like ok tell me you have another date after i was clearly flirting with you fr the entire interview
Her lip was tucked between her teeth harshly, biting down almost hard enough to draw blood as she watched the dots begin to bounce in the small grey bubble again.
When you finally sent the text, her facial expression softened.
y/n: im really sorry billie. i didnt know it would hurt you, it wasnt my intention
billie: huh
billie: well it sure as hell seemed like it was
You sigh quietly as your eyes scan over her texts over and over again. Fuck, why did she have to be stubborn?
Your thumbs quickly begin to work on the screen, typing out an almost pathetic apology. No—It wasn't even an apology—It was more of a stupid text begging her to forgive you.
y/n: im really sorry bills
y/n: i dont want us to fight. please
y/n: i didnt even want to come here after it
y/n: you know i hate when ur mad at me
y/n: ill apologize to u a million times more if thats what u want
Her heart beats faster, and she swears it might pop out of her chest any moment now. Her thumbs quickly type out a response, a stupid smile coming onto her face.
billie: dont
y/n: well can you at least pick me up cus u were being an asshole too
y/n: pls can you pick me up i really dont wanna see the look on the poor girls face when she finds me in this bathroom stall texting u
billie: idk i might js make you wait 30 mins so she can find u in there
Your eyes roll at her texts, scoffing at her responses. She was so difficult, and you hated her for it.
billie: hurry to the front im omw dummy
A smile quickly comes onto your face as you read the last text, almost squealing until you remember that she wouldn't be easy when you got in the car. Fuck, this was gonna be a long night.
The car pulls up slowly in the front of the restaurant, and you glance back one final time at the windows before scurrying off the sidewalk and jumping into the passenger seat of Billie's car.
She doesn't even wait for you to put your seatbelt on, quickly driving forward to exit the parking lot of the place. Her eyes trace your side profile as she waits for cars to pass, her gaze going unnoticed as you buckle your seatbelt.
"Have fun?" She mutters quietly, jealousy bubbling underneath her skin and seeping through in her tone as her eyes avert back to the road. You turn your head at her words, sighing in annoyance. She was still going on about it.
Your cross your arms over your chest as you look out of the windshield at the cars passing by, feeling her car jolt forward as she gets onto the main road, "If I did, I wouldn't have texted you, idiot."
Billie scoffs at your name-calling, rolling her eyes as she presses on the breaks at a red light. She takes the chance to look at you again, eyes traveling lower this time and catching onto your change of clothes.
You were wearing a short black dress, the neck cutting low and exposing some of your cleavage. She would've pounced on you right then and there if it wasn't for the traffic behind her. And also if she wasn't still so fucking furious at you.
Her own choice of clothing was the complete opposite of whatever slutty piece of cloth you were wearing, her sweatpants hanging low on her waist and exposing the waistband of her 'HIT ME HARD AND SOFT' boxers.
When the light turned green, it was your turn to admire stare. On her top half, she was wearing a little white tank, the straps thin and almost slipping off her shoulders each time she moved her arms to turn the wheel.
Her nipples were poking through the thin tank, and it felt almost impossible to look away. Until she spoke and you got too nervous to keep staring, "Well, I still wanna know how it went."
Liar. She was only talking about it so that you wouldn't forget the deep shit you were in when you got to your house. Or maybe her house? You didn't know, and you honestly didn't want to. You wouldn't bother asking, either, not wanting to hear the whole, 'why did you change the topic?' rant.
"It was good, actually." You murmur, an idea sparking in your head as you glance at her face again. You can practically see the way her eyes twitches in annoyance, and it only spurs you on to say your next words, "She was so sweet, and she cared a lot. I could tell just by her pretty eyes."
Billie has to stop herself from slamming on the breaks in the middle of the road, instead deciding to breathe in deeply and bite her lip. Her grip on the steering wheel increases in tightness, tilting her head to the side like she always did when she was infuriated.
"Yeah?" She seethes, cocking an eyebrow as she takes another quick glance at you. She catches a glimpse of that stupid smile on your face, and it only makes her angrier. You hum in response.
"Yeah." You reply, giggling quietly as you watch her knuckles turn white from the grip she has on the wheel. She presses down on the gas harder, and the car only accelerates faster down the route to her house, "Flirted with me the entire time, asked me if I needed anything. She even pulled out my chair for me."
Billie nods almost robotically, like she's being forced to listen to you brag about the girl. Because she is. She can't just jump out of the car into the road, even if she really did want to in that moment.
"That's—Yeah, that's nice." She mutters, jaw clenched. Even if you had only said a few sentences about no-name-girl, she was tired of it already. She only started the conversation to maybe undermine you? She didn't even know anymore, all she knew was that she was going to die if you kept talking about this girl.
"And—" Billie couldn't turn onto the street to her house fast enough, speeding down the road as she tried to drown you out. Her eyes burned holes through you, specifically your chest. She didn't understand why you chose to wear that revealing dress for that stupid girl and not for her.
She pulled into the driveway quickly, turning her key and pulling it out after putting the car in park. Her hands rested in her lap as she threw her head back against the headrest, eyes shutting softly as she breathed out.
"Stay there." She whispered, getting out of the car and slamming it with a loud thud. Your eyes followed her as she rounded the car, gaze coming down to see her sweatpants falling down only a little further.
She opened your own door before you could. It made her crazy when you even tried to open it by yourself, so even if she was pissed, she'd never forget to open it for you. When you exited her car, she slammed your door and locked the car, following behind you to the front door.
You type in her code proudly, reaching for the door handle but quickly being swatted away by her own ring-clad hand. You laugh at her gestures, watching as she opens the door for you and lets you go in first.
She's silent the whole time. Even as she closes and locks the door behind her, no words slip from between her lips, only gentle breaths as she rubs her temples. Her eyes basically undress you as you walk down the hall and throw your bag onto her couch, heart beating faster and faster as the seconds pass by.
Her vision is blurred as she follows after your footsteps, time seeming to slow as she looks around at the pictures hanging on the walls. When she finally makes it into the living room, you're sitting down on the couch, legs spread like you owned the place.
And, honestly, it seemed like it after being here 24/7. You even convinced Billie into giving you a key with no hesitation on her part. She grips onto the wall harshly, holding herself up as her eyes take in all that was you. Your scent already fills the room, making her head spin and blurring her vision further.
Her other hand rests inside of her pants, the action normal because of how abnormally cold she always was. But, this time, you see her hand moving beneath the fabric in a repeated motion. Like she's stroking something.
Your lips curve into a smirk at the sides, sitting up taller as you realize. She only comes closer, now leaning against the far end of the couch across from you.
"Thought you were mad." You hum, tilting your head in imitation. You cross your legs, hands running along your thighs through the fabric and making your dress ride up. Billie groans quietly, gaze fixed sternly on you.
A few more steps, and now her hand is holding herself up on the couch cushion you were sitting on. Her lips almost touch your earlobe, breathing on your neck as her small smirk fades. She scoffs, her other hand slowly creeping onto your thigh and squeezing, "I'm fucking furious."
You smile at her words, gasping softly as she squeezes your thigh tighter. She leans back, lips level to yours as her eyes flit down to them, then back up to your beautiful eyes. You're the first one to close the gap, grabbing her face and practically pulling her onto your lap, your lips fitting onto hers so perfectly.
Her hands moved to your hips, quickly flipping your positions so that you were on top of her. As you sat on her lap, you could feel the bulge beneath her sweatpants poking at your thigh, causing an amused smile to creep onto your face, "Predicted this, huh?"
"Shut up." She grumbles, ring-clad fingers wrapping around your neck and smashing your lips onto hers. Your hips slowly grind on her sweatpants, moaning quietly against her mouth as your hands grip at her shoulders, nails digging into her skin.
Billie groans at the subtle pain, pushing her hips up when she feels you begin to rock back and forth on her lap. Her free hand moves down to undo the tie of her sweatpants, finding it difficult with only one hand and her eyes closed, "Ma, take 'em off f'me, would you?"
You don't hesitate, the need to tease her thrown out of the window. For now, at least. Your hands leave her shoulders quickly, pulling away from her lips with hesitancy as you look down to see what you're doing. Billie's eyes are on you the whole time, biting her lip as she feels you tug down her sweatpants and let them pool at her ankles.
Billie bucks her hips against you, and this time, it's like you can feel everything. Your lips part in surprise at her sudden movement, a quiet squeak emitting from your throat at how big her dick feels.
"Gonna sit and stare, or are you gonna take it off?" Billie sighs, her patience wearing thinner than before. It didn't help that you were still fully clothed, either. Her hands leave your neck and hip, moving behind and messing with the zipper of the skimpy black dress that adorns your beautiful body, pulling it down until you could easily slip out of it.
You crawl off her lap, eyes hooded and full of desire as you slowly strip for her. Her hands grip the couch cushions tightly, holding herself back from even saying anything that would elicit a snarky response from your part.
The dress falls to the floor, revealing your naked figure to her. She wanted so bad to call you a slut for not wearing any undergarments, to degrade you until you broke beneath her and finally gave in. But she stayed silent, instead taking in your mind-consuming presence.
When you came closer and dropped to your knees in front of her, she bit her lip. Her hands and thighs trembled as you rested your cheek on the inner part of her thigh, leaving a wet kiss on the bulge in her boxers before you grabbed the waistband of the constricting fabric with your teeth. Her breaths were short and ragged, eyes wide as she watched the silicone cock spring free.
Once her boxers were at her ankles, your eyes found hers again, a mischievous smile tugging at the corners of your mouth as you came closer. Your lips hovered over the tip of her dick, spitting on it before your hand came up to stroke it softly, thumb rubbing at the tip as if she could actually feel it.
"Get up." She breathed, eyes locked on yours as you continued to stroke your hand up and down her dick, listening carefully to each quiet sound that she made, whether it be a whimper or a real moan, "Y/N, fuckin' listen." It was a clear warning, the way her tone changed just an octave lower, a very prominent warning that she wasn't gonna be easy if you disobeyed her again.
But, still, you stayed on your knees in front of her, your hand rubbing the silicone quicker. And, as much as she liked the way you looked on your knees, her hand quickly came down to grab a handful of your hair, tugging at it harshly in yet another warning.
This time, you listened, nodding softly as your hand left her cock, rising to your feet in front of her. Her hand left your hair as you moved up, standing up and stepping out of her sweatpants and boxers, kicking off her shoes and leaving her in only socks and that thin tank top barely covering anything.
"Want you on the bed, Y/N." She demands softly, eyes hooded and irises swirling with lust and anger. You nod, biting your lip as your eyes fall lower on her body, chuckling quietly as you see the fake dick standing tall between her thighs, "And don't make me fucking tell you again." She snarls.
You nod again once her words register in your head, your feet taking you down the hallway and into her room at the end of it. You shut the door behind you softly, scurrying onto the bed and seating yourself in the middle of it, back against the headboard and legs spread just for when she came back.
The time seems to pass way slower as you shift on her dark sheets, your lower back leaning against the pillows that she slept on each night. The room smelled heavily of Billie, her perfume filling all your senses and going straight to your core. This wasn't where you expected to end up tonight at all, but you weren't against it.
The creaking sound of the door is what catches your attention, finding yourself sitting up taller and gripping at the sheets. Billie pushes the door open slowly, hair up in a low ponytail, her tank top gone and revealing her tits.
You're unable to suppress a whine as she comes closer, locking the door behind her and only making you squeeze your thighs together, bucking your hips against nothing but the cool air in the room.
She moves so quickly that it should've been considered inhumane, her hands touching you everywhere all at once. Her hair tickles your shoulder as she tilts her head, lips pressing against your neck so softly as her hands grip at your tits so roughly. Her knee is slotted between your thighs, pressed harshly against your wet pussy and feeling every movement you make.
"She wouldn't kiss you like this," Billie whispers, biting at the sensitive spot just behind your ear, feeling as your body tenses beneath her, throat dry, and lips agape to let out all the pretty noises she was the cause of, "Only me." She finishes her sentence, moving to another part of your neck to scatter kisses and marks anywhere she possibly could.
Her thumbs circle your nipples, nails leaving soft indentations as she tries her hardest not to go absolutely insane on you. Just the thought of that girl fired her up, urging her to just ruin you first and then take it slow. But the bratty attitude you had all day only encouraged her to tease you, break you slowly, and then fuck you hard and rough until you were unable to say anything but her name, "I'm right?" She breathes, kissing your collarbone as she descends your body.
Her teeth nibble at the skin just above your tits, leaving hickeys in the shape of a heart slowly but surely. All you can do is nod in response, body reacting so eagerly to her teasing touches and kisses. She was driving you insane, but if you said anything, she'd only take it slower. It was torture.
"Answer me." Billie demands, biting down particularly hard just above your nipple, smirking against your skin as she hears you yelp softly. It's almost like she can feel your heartbeat on her lips, her head spinning with every idea of what she wanted to do with you tonight, "You were very keen to the idea of fuckin' smart-mouthing me during that interview. In front of people, too?"
"God, you just can't stand being good for more than 5 minutes, can you?" She scoffs softly, voice teasing and playful, but her words were real. She meant everything, and you knew that very well. Her lips wrapped around your nipple when she felt your fingers in her hair, tangling in the dark strands and pulling weakly. You whined at her degrading words, her knee hitting your clit perfectly as you rocked your hips sloppily.
"Bills—Only you, j-jus' you," you confirm, your voice merely a mewl in her ears, but to you, it was using all of the strength you currently had, trembling beneath Billie even though she's barely even touched you yet, "Please..." You beg, eyes fluttering shut as you find the perfect spot on her knee to grind on, hips moving faster.
Billie moves to your other nipple, sucking harshly and nibbling at the erect bud as her hands caress your thighs, nails scratching up and down your skin and making your thighs tremble just that little bit more. She releases your nipple from between her lips with a pop, now hovering over your face, removing her knee from between your legs, guessing knowing that you were close, "Please, what?"
"F-fuck me, Billie—Please—Jus'.. mm." You stumble over your words, mind scattered and unable to say anything to form a real sentence. Billie understands, though, a cocky smirk on her face as she moves her hand to one side of your body, holding herself up as her other hand pulls your thighs apart, lining her cock up with your entrance before she pushes it all in at once.
Your quiet cries are music to her ears, your trembling body cute and meek. Her hand leaves the silicone dick, traveling up your body and leaving a trail of fire up to your neck where she wraps her fingers around your throat, applying more pressure than you thought she would. You gasp quietly, the action only making the whole situation hotter and more intimate. She tilts her head, "You like that, don't you?"
You nod the best you can, whimpering softly as she slowly thrusts her hips, eyes examining your every movement from the way your chest rose and fell with the ragged breaths you took to the way your eyes fluttered each time her dick rubbed you in just the right way. Pathetic pleas for her to go faster slip from your lips, toes curling at her torturously slow pace, hands fisting at the sheets messily.
"Pleasepleaseplease—faster.." Billie's grip on your throat tightens at your words, eyebrows furrowing as she watches your eyes roll back, "Want me deeper, yeah?" She mocks, the fire in her lower abdomen growing as she sees you nod frantically, her hips already slamming into you almost twice as fast than she was fucking you before.
She leans closer to your neck, inhaling your scent and smelling her own perfume on your skin. A chuckle fills your ear, only making you moan louder, the whiny sound reverberating off the walls. Your back arches, chest coming up to brush against hers as you writhe beneath her relentless pace. Grunts fill your ears as she finds the perfect rhythm, muttering the dirtiest things in your ear imaginable. The words she was spitting should've cut deep, but they didn't, only adding to your pleasure and making you physically react.
As you squeeze your eyes shut, you see stars flash behind your eyelids, her strap hitting that sweet spot each time she thrusts into you. Your knuckles are white from the animalistic grip you have on her sheets, your orgasm approaching quicker than you could've imagined. Billie doesn't miss the way your breathing pattern changes, feeling it on her chest and hearing it 10x louder now that your head was turned slightly to the side, "Bill—Baby, fuuckk... plea—!"
"Hm?—Tell me, Mama, tell me." She mutters, almost begging you as her hips slap against yours each time she fully bottoms out. An evil smile is plastered on her face, but you don't know that. You don't even know what she'll say in response to your pleas to cum. But, you honestly don't think you'd be able to hold it either way, "Too fucked out to speak, s'that it? Can't even think, can ya? My dumb girl."
"Cum—Wanna cum, please, need t'cum!" You warn, your voice a mere squeak as you pull at the sheets. Tears streak down your face now, her silence making it impossible for you to keep whatever composure you had left. Billie breathes softly into your neck, kissing your shoulder before coming up to press a sweet kiss to your neck. Much sweeter than the words that fall from between her lips, "I think you can wait, hm? Since you made me wait so fuckin' long for this." She shakes her head in faux disappoint, scoffing.
"Hold it." She snarls, eyes narrow, lips parted and swollen, hips relentless. The headboard hit the wall in time with her hips, bedframe creaking beneath your bodies as she fucks you wildly, making it impossible to obey her commands. You try to squeeze your thighs together, but she doesn't let them close, sighing in annoyance as she gives your throat a warning squeeze, having you gasp for air, "Just a little longer." She groans, almost like she can feel the way your pussy clenches around her dick, walls fluttering from the immense pleasure.
Cries and whines are the only things that can leave your throat, dry from the screaming and moaning you've been doing for almost—Fuck, you didn't even know at this point. All you did know was the size of her dick, the sounds of her groans, and the look on her face as she fucked you recklessly. The bed shook, and you were sure her neighbors would be here in the morning to complain about the noises, but neither of you cared. The only thing either of you cared about was that you finally had each other.
Your vision blurs from the tears in your eyes, trying your best to keep them open but failing in the end as she pushes her body closer to yours—if that was even possible—and hits you at a different angle, the silicone cock sliding deeper between your walls. She's almost surprised at how well you're holding up, a smirk on her face as she tries her hardest to break you, free hand pulling and twisting at your nipple as her other squeezes your throat from time to time.
"Cum." She finally allows. It takes you a moment to register, but once you see her head nod in your blurred vision, you let go. The light, wet ring around the base of the dick only gets whiter as your juices flow onto her, squirting onto your thighs and parts of hers as your body shakes uncontrollably beneath hers. Your back arches further, chest pressing harsher against hers as you cry out her name, lower lip trembling, "Thankyouthankyouthankyou—Mm.." Your words come out in a hurry, thoughts messy and incapable of forming any other words.
Her hips slow, helping you ride out your high before she stops completely. She leans over you, fingers unraveling around your neck and coming up to cup your cheek, thumb caressing your tear-stained cheek with a look of adoration in her ocean blue irises, "Y'think she'd be able to do that?" She teases, giggling softly at your mumbled words, your eyelids fluttering open and closed, clearly sleepy.
"Shh.." You giggle stupidly, pushing her face away weakly. You gasp quietly when you feel her pull out slowly, wincing at the slightly overstimulating feeling. The emptiness makes you frown, whining like a baby as she pulls away from your body completely, "No, no, Ma, m'right here." She coos as she comes back into your blurry vision, strap discarded somewhere on the floor. Her hands wrap around your body, enveloping you in warmth as she cuddles close to you, "She can't compare." Billie whispers, knowing damn well she won the stupid challenge that she made up.
#billie eilish#billie eilish x reader smut#billie eilish x fem!reader#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish x y/n#billie eilish x you#billie eilish imagine#billie eilish fanfic#billie eilish fanfiction#billie eilish smut#billie eilish blurb#billie eilish oneshot#billie eilish songs#billie eilish icons#billie#hmhas#hit me hard and soft#hte#happier than ever#wwafawdwg#when we all fall asleep where do we go#dsam#dont smile at me
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Updating this post to include evidence from Ghostfuckers...
"OH THAT BIRD STEALING COCK BAG!"
One of the main contentions as to why people were into the idea of a love triangle was because they wanted to see more Jealous Blitz.
I think this had to do with people thinking that Blitz was a lot stronger than he really is. A lot of people thought that, "Well, Blitz is a strong guy, and I think he can fight for love, and fight for Stolas' affections."
But the problem is that isn't what happened...
Instead we got this...
GIF Credits to @angelshizuka
A pathetic image of a man who literally spent the entirety of one month holed up in his office, gorging himself in ice cream, watching porn, and spending all his company's assets on the stupidest shit imaginable.
Blitz is angry at Millie for calling what he and Stolas had as a breakup when they were never in a relationship, but he turns his head and his voice breaks when he says the words, "...and we never will."
The tone of his words express hopelessness and remorse, but the main conclusion I got from those words is, I give up.
How can there be a love triangle, when one man's already given up?
The one thing that Ghostfuckers makes blatantly obvious is how much Blitz is aware of his fuck ups in his relationship with Stolas, and just how deep his feelings for Stolas actually go.
Blitz regrets rejecting Stolas' reaching hand in Ozzie's
Blitz regrets accusing Stolas of only assuming that their entire relationship was based on sex.
Blitz regrets ever receiving the crystal, and considers it one of the most traumatic moments of his life, because losing the book and gaining the crystal was equivalent to losing Stolas.
Blitz regrets pushing Stolas away during their argument in Apology Tour.
Blitz regrets ever making Stolas think that he never gave a shit about him, when the opposite is true.
Blitz regrets even questioning Stolas' love for him because these are the words Blitz says to Stolas during this scene.
"This whole thing we had going... I'm- I mean you're a fucking prince. How could you ever actually care for an imp... Me? How could anybody?"
Or perhaps the reason why this memory is here is from the response Stolas gives to him instead, indicating a place of pain. "Blitz. There is a crowd full of people here, who cared so much, they'd throw an entire fucking party about hating you, every year! Do you know how much you have to care to do something as stupid as that?"
The last image of Stolas in Blitz's memory is his kiss with BTB, indicating a look of pure envy and hurt.
We the audience are aware of the fact that Stolas was lost in the throes of passion and happily engaged in that drunken kiss, both sets of his eyes are closed and he's just lost in the moment, not fully aware of his surroundings.
However, in Blitz's memory, Stolas' upper set of eyes are open and for Blitz, he didn't see that kiss as a drunk kiss. No, he saw that kiss as Stolas moving on from him. Look how happy Stolas' upper eyes are to be kissing BTB.
For Blitz, that's the only thing he needs to see to indicate that Stolas has moved on from him.
Even if Blitz was able to acknowledge his feelings for Stolas by the end of Ghostfuckers, that doesn't mean he's going to fight for Stolas' affections if he sees Stolas genuinely in love with another man.
Blitz isn't that strong, emotionally. This man does not have the heart to fight for something if he feels unwanted or unloved, he'll just count his losses and move on.
It's what Blitz did with Fizz. Blitz saw Fizz was genuinely happy and in love with Ozzie, and while he makes jokes with him, he isn't taking any active steps to actually break them apart.
Don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean he won't come for Stolas if he sees him in danger. I have no doubt that seeing Stolas in danger will push Blitz into action to save him and protect him.
But to fight for his love? Make attempts to appeal himself to Stolas while dating another guy? Actually try to break Stolas apart from someone else that he (in Blitz's eyes) is happily in love with? No. Blitz won't do that.
Me the moment Stolitz becomes a love triangle...
NOTHING YOU PEOPLE SAY WILL EVER CONVINCE ME THAT A LOVE TRIANGLE IS A GOOD IDEA!!
*cough* This is to address the concerns that people have been messaging me on reddit and tumblr.
~~~
Oh Stolas needs to experience a healthy romantic relationship...
The man needs friends. For fucks sakes, stop trying to get in his pants and get this man to join a fucking book club or something. He's lonely.
Don't you think it would be romantic if Stolas actually chose to be with Blitz in the end?
Why does Stolas choosing Blitz always have to involve Stolas breaking the heart of another guy in the process?
I want Stolas to experience that fairy tale romance.
They don't exist.
We can get more jealous Blitz.
No, we are getting more "Depressed Blitz that thinks he's gonna die alone because this man has a major inferiority complex the size of fucking Jupiter."
Blitz already had his chance...
The man didn't even know he was taking a test?
Blitz needs to fix himself first before he gets in a relationship with Stolas...
Blitz needs to deal with the root of his intimacy issues, yes. However, the idea that someone has to fix themselves in order to be in a relationship is a rather ableist viewpoint I do not condone.
Stolas also has problems that prevent him from getting in a normal relationship, but that's a whole other can of worms I don't want to open.
Blitz made Stolas cry!
STOP. IGNORING. HIS. FEELINGS.
This man has been in the verge of sobbing his eyes out in Full Moon and Apology Tour, and y'all didn't notice because Stolas didn't notice.
A love triangle will save their relationship.
Oh yes, who needs proper communication when the true answer all along was introducing a new person to the trash fire that is their problems. /j
Blitz and Stolas should just remain friends, and go find other partners.
Blitz has a body count of people he could have ended up with, but he didn't give a shit about any of them because that damn bird changed his brain chemistry so hard he went to a Party dedicated to hating his sorry ass.
And Stolas...
couldn't even forget about the motherfucker after going 25 years no contact. Do you honestly think he's going to get over him now after falling in love with the guy?
I'll be blunt, these guys also have way too much history together to remain "just friends" and stay "just friends".
Do I think they need to know each other as friends first before they start a serious relationship? Of course! But I also think these guys are gonna suck at being "just friends" and remaining "just friends".
Blitz and Stolas aren't endgame.
If these idiots were not endgame, than Brandon and Viv wasted four years of ours and their time on a relationship that was never going to come into fruition.
Also, the show is about Blitz and has always been about Blitz. The reason why Stolas is such an important character is because their building him up to be this red lizard's main love interest.
I am so tired. 😫
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So. Tuesday sucked.
We've all had a chance to come down from the "what the fuck" of it all, and we're starting to see the usual circular firing squad. Lots of lib centrists are doing everything they can to throw trans people, minorities, and basically anyone who isn't a finance bro under the bus, as is (very tiresome) tradition after both victories and defeats in the Democratic Party. I will be 42 years old in a few months, so this is far from the first time I've seen it, and sadly, I'm sure it won't be the last. To the lib centrists and those carrying water for them: This never works. Please stop trying it. Trans issues were not a major motivator; I'll get into that below. Sit down, kids, it's time for Auntie Kana's Fireside Dialectics.
One thing I've noticed is that a lot of my followers are significantly younger than me. (Imagine that, an audience that skews young on Tumblr.) A lot of you folks probably haven't been following politics for very long, and you've been able to participate in them for even less time than that. For some of you this is probably your first election as an adult, and it kinda feels like everything blew up in your face, doesn't it? I was about your age for 2000, when the election was nakedly stolen by George W. Bush, and not much older for 2004, when despite his disastrous presidency Bush the Younger rode a wave of 9/11-brained racism to the last popular vote victory the GOP had prior to (likely) this year. So I get it. I really do.
If you're living in the USA you have probably had a subpar education in politics and civics. This is largely by design - education is horrendously underfunded and there is a sustained attack on the ability of teachers to even discuss things like the Civil Rights Movement, the legacy of slavery in the United States, the genocide this country was founded on, and so on and so forth. Economic education isn't much better; you very likely got a short lecture on basic supply and demand and an argument-from-authority that "socialism doesn't work." All this combines to leave a lot of folks totally baffled as to how something like this election happens.
But it's pretty simple. It's just material conditions. That's it. What the media isn't telling you (because there's no profit in it, and the media is nothing but a clickbait engine when they aren't open propagandists) is that there has been a massive anti-incumbent wave of elections across the world. How massive? Japan's LDP, which has held power almost uninterrupted since the establishment of Japan's postwar democracy, managed to lose their recent election.
And why are material conditions so shitty? That's a complicated question, but a lot of it is the fact that we had a lengthy period of low inflation followed by a period of extremely high inflation due to the absolutely botched response to the Covid-19 pandemic. A bag of Doritos used to be 2.50, and now it's like 6 bucks. That's worse than all the inflation (and naked price-gouging, because there's a lot of that going on too) I experienced in my life prior to 2020, squeezed into the space of a year or two. This smacks everyone in the face every time they buy groceries, and while the government and the Federal Reserve were doing everything they could to manage inflation (and understand what a big deal it is for me, the anarcho-communist, to say that the US actually did an extremely fucking good job of doing it, because every other country on Earth had it worse than we did), they did fuck all to actually improve the material conditions people were experiencing. Wages were not keeping up with the cost of living, and price-gouging wasn't being dealt with.
Remember the 600 bucks Joe Biden still owes you? The American electorate sure the fuck does. Invisible backrooms liberal wonkery does not connect, regardless of whether it works or not, but going back on a promise? People remember that shit.
It's a rare incumbent that could win in an environment like this, especially when tied to a track record of doing exactly fucking nothing to actually help people from the perspective of the vast majority of the population. Kamala Harris was not that incumbent. She was a singularly uninspiring candidate who failed to connect with voters so thoroughly that she was on track to lose her home state in the 2020 Democratic primary. Nobody liked her (except a few very eager and very loud fans in the K-Hive), and speaking as someone who lives in California, I am not surprised she ate shit. She was a terrible choice for VP and a terrible choice of successor for Biden, but because Biden('s handlers) insisted on pretending he wasn't obviously declining before our very eyes, Harris, a singularly uninspiring candidate, had three months to build and run a campaign.
And it was still weirdly close.
Now, there's two possibilities: Either she actually ran an amazing campaign and it's incredible that it was even this close, or Trump is just so loathsome that even in a massively anti-incumbent environment he didn't bring anyone new to the table. Given that Trump is on-track to receive less votes this time than he did in 2020, and how many of those votes seem to have been cast for Trump and no one else down-ballot, I think it's more of the latter than the former. Trump brought the usual suspects, while Kamala successfully drove away voters that even Joe fucking Biden and Hillary fucking Clinton were able to bring home. Not on the left, not in minority demographics, but across the board. After all, if things are horrible and you're being promised that "nothing will fundamentally change," (literally an early-presidency quote from Joe Biden, whose agenda Kamala Harris 100% aligned herself with) and keeping in mind that the average American voter is not nearly so plugged into the minutiae and the day to day of politics (as evinced by the sudden peak in google searched for "Did Joe Biden drop out?" on Tuesday), why the fuck would you bother to vote?
Hopefully you have a better idea how we got here now. The question, of course, is where do we go from here? I will probably continue posting about this from time to time, especially if there's interest, but my advice is this:
We are still here. We will be here tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that, and so on. Plan accordingly.
Things will get fucked up. Things will always get fucked up. That is the nature of things no matter who is running the government. Plan accordingly.
Organize. Develop parallel structures of power and assistance, because the government is likely going to be even more useless to directly assist you than it already was. Our greatest strength is each other, and our ability to care for and help one another.
I have been here before. You will be here again. It always feels like it's the worst thing ever to happen. That never really goes away, but your ability to deal with it, to plan around it, to endure it, and to rise up again on the other side of it and say "No, fuck you" is entirely under your control and within your capabilities. And you will get better at it as you do it. And you are not doing it alone. None of us are.
Do not give up. Do not surrender. This isn't the end, or the beginning of the end, or even the end of the beginning: it just is.
Now go watch a video of a cat doing something cute, or read some smut, or whatever gives you joy. You can't take care of others unless you take care of yourself. That's General Order #1: Take care of yourself.
Solidarity, y'all.
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Okay, so I've been a lesbian for a while and don't know some of the terminology, and I'm kinda confused on how men can be lesbians (specifically cis men). Mostly cause I've never heard anyone talk about it before, adding a long I also have a question. So could I still identify as a lesbian if I find myself attracted to men or masc presenting people? I've seen people say you can't so yea! (Sorry if this doesn't make sense or if I came off as rude)
hello there!
the argument that lesbians can't be men is transphobic, intersexist, gender essentialist, exorsexist and a lot of other very exhausting and historically inaccurate ways. it has nothing to do with real lesbianism but rather rad fems and political lesbians online trying to turn the lesbian community into a "girls only" club where they can shit on men and be transphobic and toxic
people love to jump to the assumption that i'm taking about cis men first and foremost, which i'm not- although i genuinely don't care if a cis man identifies as a lesbian i'm not a cop and you shouldn't be, either. we all need to collectively kill the cops in our minds. no, this will not create an influx of "cishet men invading lesbian spaces." cishet men can literally already choose to identify as lesbians if they want to and they literally do not. most cishet men are lesbophobic and disgusted by irl lesbians and only find lesbianism attractive in porn. if cishet men wanted to lesbians, they already would be. also again, i'm not a cop, so it's not my business if a cis man does identify for any reason as a lesbian. if that concept makes one uncomfortable, they can choose to ignore that person.
this is not the conversation we're having, so it's best to realize that there's a far deeper issue here.
the people who tell you lesbians can't be men are specifically targeting butch lesbians, transmascs, ftm, trans men, trans male, bigender, multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, and genderfuck lesbians. lesboys, boydykes, lesbians who are non binary, lesbians who don't have a gender, lesbians who are men only, lesbians who are two spirit, butches who are men. these are all people who have been in the lesbian community all along, and this is who is being targeted. anyone who tells you a lesbian cannot be a man is either a rad fem or someone who has been indoctrinated by one, or someone who is very confused and ill informed at best
butchphobia is heavily linked to this behavior. many butch lesbians are women and women only and that's a legitimate expression of butchhood, but MANY and i mean many butches throughout history have been transmascs and trans men, or have been men in other capacities, such as trans women who are also men, and other multigender people.
bigender people exist in every identity. id on't know why people conveniently love to just forget about this when it comes to the argument of lesbian men. it's not just you, i get this sentiment all the time. we need to realize that multigender people exist. we need to collectively accept that genderfluid and genderqueer and genderfuck people exist and they can be lesbians, too. many butch lesbians are literally men and it's not right to kick them out of the community. please remember that the "lesbians can only be women and only if they're cis and not Too Butch" mindset directly stems from lesbian separatism and political lesbianism. i'd suggest researching those topics, they were at their peak in the 1980s and 90's in the United States and caused a lot of damage that we're still seeing the ripples from
lesbians shouldn't have to get some kind of extra or approval to be men. i really just don't get this mindset. you have to ask yourself why this even matters to begin with. it doesn't. it's not harming anyone else for a lesbian to be a man. if you're not attracted to them you don't have to be. if you are attracted to them, it doesn't invalidate your lesbianism. bigender, multigender, non binary, genderfluid, genderfuck, gnc, intersex, trans, and other gender variant people shouldn't be banned from the lesbian community for no reason.
also i keep begging people to do so but please research the life and identity of Leslie Feinberg. zie was a polygender butch lesbian who did identify as a man. i repeat this phrase a lot but if you don't know who zie is, your knowledge of lesbian history of very limited. lesie was a very prolific activist for lesbian and trans rights, as well as many other important issues. leslie wasn't some random tumblruser or what have you, there are people who have existed well outside of the bounds of this website who have identified as lesbian men. this phenomenon is not new, it's not relegated to the internet, and it's not something that people should have never heard of before.
i suggest researching lesbian history outside of tumblr. i'm one of the few who isn't, but most of the popular bloggers in the lesbian community on here is proudly transphobic as fuck. when they say "I'M A LESBIAN, MEN DNI!!!!!!" they are PROUDLY showing their transphobia. a lesbian who is bigender, multigender, non binary, transmasc, genderfluid, and so on is trans. this is transphobia. this is lesbophobia. lesbians can be men whether or not it makes an individual comfortable. there are also trans women who are... also men. we can't keep allowing this to be a "threat". we are killing our own when we do this
i'm glad you took the time to ask. i get heated on this issue, so this is a rather passionate response because i'm just outright sick of people acting like the idea of a lesbian identifying a man is somehow unheard of. lesbians are well known for being some of the most genderfucked people in the queer community. we struggle with gender our entire lives due to the expectations and stressors placed on our shoulders, as well as who we are on the inside. it will never unheard of for lesbians to be genderqueer.
i hope this helps somewhat. if you have any more questions feel free to ask. i will continue talking about this until people understand that lesbian men are not a threat to anyone. manhood belongs in lesbianism whether or not that makes you or anyone else uncomfortable. it's an experience that will continue to happen no matter what people have to say in conjecture and theory- lesbian men will continue to show up to lesbian and other pride meetings. we will continue to talk and write about our experiences. and the world will keep turning as a result. the sun will rise again. and no one was hurt simply by the existence of some lesbians being men.
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Stumbled upon a Reddit thread (don't ask) where people still whine and bitch about having to pick the "Nah, fucked that up too," dialogue option at the Oil fields to have a good relationship with Johnny. Saying that it needs to get fixed, calling it 'antagonizing' him, further proving that they don't understand him or his friendship with V at all. Sorry, but what's still not clicking? Holding him accountable for what he did and being honest with him is the only way you can have a good relationship with him for a reason.
It's not scolding him, it's not being mean, it's just V telling him 'No, what you did hurt me and I can't trust you anymore.' And he needs that, he needs someone who won't let him get away with the shit he does, he needs someone who is honest with him and won't just agree with everything he says so that he can grow and change. He knows he royally messed up, but he needs to hear that from V too. How do you expect V to have a true friendship with him if they just let him walk all over them and act like he did nothing wrong and everything's fine?
And it makes sense that the devs chose this as the secret ending unlocker because you can't have them storm Arasaka Tower together in full synergy when some parts of them are still at odds with each other.
Listen, I love Johnny as much as we all do here, but he needs to be called out when he messes up, and that's that.
#johnny silverhand#cyberpunk 2077#silverv#v#v cp2077#you are allowed to disagree of course#but this is not my headcanon#it's canon#another argument was that it was#not an intuitive option to pick#which i strongly disagree with#since it was the option that felt the most natural to pick#the very first time i played this game#way before i even knew about the secret ending#or how it affected their relationship#so all of those are really shit arguments#that thread annoyed me#sorry for any typos it's almost 4am where i am
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I really don't think people understand how bad an impact mis/dis-information like this has on voting. There is REASON swing voters did not show up to support us. Blatant lies like this are instantly clockable to ANYONE actually involved in these issues (read: the largest voting blocs) more than us terminally online shut-ins with no life experience (the tiniest voting bloc), and they KILL trust. Telling weird insane lies to support your points just makes those on the fence conclude that your point is not solid to begin with, otherwise you wouldn't have to lie. Unfortunately, Trump's blatant stupidity does give him a veneer of deniability that the clearly more intelligent, tuned-in left is not afforded.
In fact this is literally how Trumpers have gotten as delusional as they are. Democrats, from tumblrinas to the establishment, have no faith in the people or even in our own arguments so it's become like breathing to spread misinfo and lie any time it seems like it will help. And Trumpers fucking see that and decided long ago that nothing you say can be trusted, so now that they've formed their own little cult that won't report accurately either, NO ONE can get through to them. The Trumpers I know very literally believe that most of the bad things they hear about him are lies and conspiracies. The checks and balances a two party system are supposed to have has broken down in great part because of THIS SHIT.
Fearmongering is dirty shit and you need to stop doing it. Activism cannot function when all of its proponents are terrified and burned out. Cultivating a zero hope atmosphere does not motivate.
women from the USA, PLEASE, do not have sex with men. Even if your boyfriend is the most progessive man on Earth. The condom may break, the pill may not work, other contraception methods may fail. Even in cases where the woman is happily pregnant in a fairytale marriage, if she has a miscarriage, she still will get prosecuted (if she doesn´t die)
teach your girls (sisters, daughters, grandaughters, etc) to focus on themselves and always be their own priority.
men and the country itself do not care about you. they see you as a pleasure toy and a incubator to deliver his babies. you are not even their second option. THEMSELVES, RELIGION, THE COUNTRY, THEIR FRIENDS, THE MALE CELEBRITY THEY WORSHIP, they will always be prioritized before your well-being.
WAKE UP. Talk with other women, from USA or from other countries. From different races. With different situations in life. Create your own community. It´s time to be surrounded by women who will hear you, support you and value you.
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Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.
#simon says#to explain here and not in a reblog:#sometimes when you try to explain big picture solutions you're gonna sound dumb#you might not have done enough research#you might not have a rebuttal to a counter argument#you might not be articulate enough to explain why you think this#sometimes you gotta take a step back and give the simple solution. the one man solution#you do what you can to fight against the problem#you talk to people to help spread awareness and how to fight the bad problem#and you vote and invite others to vote for bigger steps towards solving the problem#like you can talk about theory and how you believe we need to do a huge drastic thing to solve and issue#but people will disagree and argue til you're blue in the face#they'll poke and prod until you mess up or lose your temper and use it against you#and you'll feel dumb and they'll learn nothing#sometimes the best thing to do is step away from the big picture and just say 'idk what the solution is I just know the things I can do“#sometimes you gotta admit you're not a scientist/expert and you can't answer that#i used this while talking with my Dad tonight#he brought up our climate crisis and space travel as a possible solution#and I said I think that's just addressing the symptom and not the cause and we need to care for our Earth now#and he asked me what solutions I think would fix it#and knowing my incredibly smart Dad who is articulate and ready to throw rebuttles at a moments notice to play devils advocate#and my past experience in struggling in this topic with him before#i just told him I didn't know. all i knew is the little things I can and do do to help#and that hopefully by spreading the word and habits and encouraging others to vote for those bigger solutions I could help make a change#but all I really could do is the little things I have control over#and the topic became much less stressful about the little things we have control over#like planting native plants and recycling and adopting habits that are healthier to our planet#which was 100% more preferable to if I tried to give a big solution. because I would reveal i didn't have all the knowledge needed to argue#and my articulation would make me sound like a stupid kid who only thinks they know what's best#so yeah I basically suggest that if you dont wanna feel like shit after debating someone just step away from the big picture for a moment
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Y'know this little throwaway gag is so bizarre to me and I know this game is a bit very different to 2 and 3 but look at Matt's reaction when Jack raids the place in 3:
You'd argue he's simply stopping Jack bc he hates this guy and he also hates this job which Could Be True but i highly doubt bc overall despite his virginity and overall cursed vibe, Matt seems to be a good employee, by all means (I mean, Peter literally gave him a vacation instead of firing him in 2, so that says a lot).
Plus, Dave hates this guy as much as he hates him! He literally always calls him creepy and, AND!
This is the only footage you get of the prize corner in 2. Which is also the first game to show Matt and Dave's disdain for one another, Dave being likely more scared of Matt than Matt will ever be of him.
Which is all very curious. 2 does set a drastic change for Matt too with him going from being just strange to outright creepy, so was the old pizza place closing something that actually affected him or was he consistently that creepy all along? And if the later, did he just start hating Dave after that or did they always have beef and they simply had some sort of arrangement (or even higher word from Steven who tended to let Dave do whatever he wanted in general) that let him do so?
#luly talks#dsaf#matt virginia#matthew virginia#<- using both tags bc i didnt realize some call him matthew. ya se los dije el es matias para mi...#dsaf matt#dsaf dave#dave miller#anyway yeah i kinda went from just writing this as a haha silly thing i noticed to wait this is actually kind of bizarre to not mean anythi#cant tell which theory works best imo like the idea of matt being genuinely upset at the old place being destroyed is kinda cool#but also steven just being like a neglectful parent and using his manager power to let dave steal is So fucking funny to me#i will make a post about dave and steven later my sugar is low rn i need food before i die#but they're soooo silly too#also did you guys know i never realized 1 and 2 were just a few months apart from each other? this is because im a very stupid man#you might see me all analytical and shit and go woah luly is so smart i cant read. i cant hold information to save my life either#im an utter and complete dumbass#amen.#also another fun fact both these screenshots were taken from my evil routes which was a coincidence really#well except for 1 that is a non route#but those other two those are matpat baby#also yeah couldnt be bothered to get screenshots for dave and matt's argument KNJHJNGM JN
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I know Bill's the big bad demon everyone is afraid of and he will protect his husband at all costs (when no one's looking), but I think it's also worth mentioning that Dipper, even being the dorky, squishy human that he is, also cares about his dumb demon hubby and wants to keep him safe, even if it annoys Bill, and really, he doesn't need protecting the way Dipper does. He isn't going to puff out his chest and get in someone's face like some macho man, but I think Dipper knee-jerk reaction when Bill's in "danger" isn't to just shrug because he's an all-powerful demon who can handle it. If a blast that could level a whole town was aimed at Bill's head (for him, this just means a bad hair day and a new body), Dipper's immediate impulse is to push him out of the way or defend him against whatever wants to kill his familiar. Because he's not thinking "Bill could literally end this match in .3 seconds." He's thinking "if you touch even one hair on that asshole's head, I'm going to knock yours clean off your shoulders." I don't know what the point even is in this post, just that Dipper is this nerdy, unassuming guy who ends up being viciously protective under the right conditions. Like I think Dipper pulls off the bloody and vengeful look SO well that Bill immediately melts and just lets him handle the situation, even though it's not really Dipper's fight to begin with. He's beating the guy to a pulp with zero reserve, and Bill's off to the side swooning and twirling his hair over his man for getting his hands dirty for him.
It's true! While Bill's not the type to enjoy being underestimated, he has to admit! Seeing his adorable husband all riled up on his behalf is a hell of a sight.
The thing is, Dipper's a good guy! He can't help but put himself in danger over others. Even when all reason and logic say that Bill would be absolutely fine if he got his head exploded or a shiv in his kidney, Dipper's instinct is to fully and immediately get in the way of that. To, in fact, be protective.
Mostly this is only evident when Dipper has to stand up to Ford. Yes, yes, Bill's a vile horrible monstrosity, but he didn't do that particular thing you're accusing him of. Watching him stand up to his uncle is a particular treat!
For bigger threats, though - Well. Bill's gonna be absolutely fine, no matter what happens, thank you very much. But he's definitely not opposed to seeing some guy who was about to literally stab him in the back get a few of his teeth knocked out.
#answers#Dipper doesn't like seeing his husband get hurt. Yes Bill likes pain and all but only contextually. And he's immortal.#But Dipper can't help but cringe and wince on his behalf anyway. He talks a lot of shit but he really does love his bastard husband#When it comes to most of the the Ford situations#Bill gets to have fun with those#Dipper's ready to argue on Bill's behalf. Most times. Yes a little head-explodey doesn't keep Bill down but Dipper is NOT a fan#Catch Bill standing just behind Dipper - or even leaping up into his arms and nearly making him topple over -#Only to look very self-satisfied. Going :3 'yes I am babey'#Looking like the perfect innocent cherub he absolutely isn't gets on Ford's nerves in a HUGE way#Both super obnoxious AND it makes his mortal roll his eyes at him. SO fun!#For other times he gets defended it's Bill's turn to roll his eyes#But goddamn if it isn't cute as hell. PLUS it's one of the rare times he actually sees Dipper really riled up#Not in like a flustered argumentative type of way. In an actual Fuck You You're Going Down kinda way#Real stupid that Dipper keeps doing this. But real hard to oppose it when Bill gets such a view outta it!#Also concept: Dipper trying to shield Bill while he's in his real form and feeling a moment of 'oh no' when he fails#Only for like. The knife to go 'tink' off his surface. Bill looks unimpressed#Another reminder for Dipper that yeah okay Bill can handle himself. He feels pretty dumb about it#That's okay DIpper you mean well! Bill will still smooch you for trying#APPROVED.jpeg implied but not included due to me adding too much text
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#oc#haven#rex#monochrome#contents: a little raunchy for tumblr#doodle#really high effort one but it's about the shapes more than anything else lol#meme redraw#comic#i may color this. the original plan was to color it. however i spent all my energy for coloring on drawing an aftermath coda#im fond of this one. there's a lot happening in it#haven and rex are both dressed "up'' to annoy the other's plus-one minor enemy#<- specific au element#rex is wearing a weezer shirt because haven knows that'll piss off taran. haven is dressed up like rex's best attempt at a mid-00s surfer#because he knows felyx cant fucking stand haven and is also into buff masc dudes dressed in jeans with rhinestones and thinks it'll be funn#to put felyx in the Lustful Colander#(he is right)#haven's house is not actually a cool neat influencer home or whatever there's no like open floorplan white walls light bamboo floor bullshi#going on here. it's all like green and red granite tile and shit. the man has been around for a very long time he knows what kind of decor#he's fond of. those ARE fish tanks in the walls though. and a spiral staircase#the man has been around for a very long time. he does not give a shit if what he likes is 'tacky'#also when the one speechbubble he says gets weird it is because he is using a magic power and forcing rex to put his cigarette out. rex is#naturally kind of annoyed about this. it used to make haven wince when he put his cigs out on his hands so he keeps doing it every time thi#happens but he has not yet cottoned on to the fact that haven has fully stopped wincing and now just thinks it's a normal habit he has#and has no idea that it's specifically aimed in his direction#also haven has no issue with giving head but rex isn't aware of that. they don't communicate well#and what Rex is actually aware of mostly consists of 'asking him to bottom turned into a giant argument and then a physical actual fight#and he broke my jaw in like four places over it and it was awesome but i didnt get what i wanted' and kind of gave up on the subject#he couldve been getting his d!ck sucked this whole time and he didnt know it. so sad#lineart
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someone on here will literally say "encouraging plastic surgery for the sole purpose of conforming to eurocentric beauty standards isn't actually feminism" and 200 other people will come out of the woodworks and chant in harmony LET WOMEN BE HAPPY and WHAT ABOUT TRANS PEOPLE AND BURN VICTIMS as if the post wasn't clearly 1. about womens' self image & insecurities being strongly influenced by the richest and whitest of society and 2. not about trans people or burn victims at all
#ive thought about it a lot and i know the main argument is that it's bodily autonomy and also having it more widely available makes it#easier for the people who really do need it to get it#but like. first of all the industry (and it is an industry) spends SO much money convincing women their bodies look wrong#if it wasnt advertised everywhere and if the expectation wasnt there to look 'perfect' according to the most recent trends#the amount of women getting elective plastic surgery would be drastically lower#second of all. yeah having more surgeons out there means more experience and safer treatments for those who really need it..#as long as they have the money#and for trans people as long as they have money and/or good insurance and/or all the required medical documentation and/or therapy#and at the end of the day you can criticize just part of something but not all of it. i feel like a lot of people forget that when they#start saying shit online. just stop and think and dont interact with people assuming the worst of them!!#when i criticize the beauty industry im never calling any woman who's ever worn makeup or gotten a facelift evil it's an INDUSTRY#it's systemic!!!#almost reminds me of how criticizing the patriarchy and systemic misogyny as a lesbian will get u painted as some man hating terf#i love men! i dont blame individual men for the system we're all a part of i just criticize its existence and try to work to dismantle it#and i know complaining on the internet is like a little raindrop in the ocean but still. it needs to be discussed i think
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as a bona fide vaxleth lover i am more confused than ever about how they are portrayed on the animated series i'm not gonna lie 😭
#not that different is bad like it doesn't affect or 'ruin' the actual source material#i just legitimately do not understand some of their choices here#there's stuff i really like ofc but u know. i've written multiple long analyses about conflict in their relationship#and in previous seasons it seemed to me like they were just smoothing out those sharp edges which bummed me out ngl#(for one there was a line at the end of s1 where kiki directly contradicted her campaign self in favor of No Conflict that i was feeling#unsatisfied with. and s2 didn't contend with rq as a sticking point for keyleth really at all)#and like to be honest my distaste for that is biased by like fandom drama of years past and people shitting on them for that exact stuff#so for me it kinda felt like an updated and palatable version that appealed to the group of people that made me feel bad for liking them#which is again like a strong personal bias lol but u know it also is just. a really important story to me that i love#but this season it's like they went no no. they do actually need to fight that was a big thing. hmmmm what about#AH YES. let's reverse their povs about their relationship completely.#have not finished ep3 yet but 10 min in i'm just like HUH?#again this doesn't rly matter and the show remains an enjoyable adaptation it's just truly bizzare to me 😭 how did this choice get made#it speaks#lovm spoilers#sorry I'm not done yet actually because the specific conflict about happiness in the present being or not being worth sorrow later#is the VERY CORE OF BOTH OF THOSE CHARACTERS and to switch which one feels which is way more than weird for the romance it's weird for like#what each of their whole individual deal is. that's why i'm so ??????????????#gah. i truly don't want to complain too badly#(and tbh the eps simply don't have enough runtime for vax to be as completely-falling-apart as he actually was and the role of#depression and trauma and self-loathing in that vs like. a more easily telegraphed supernatural boogeyman#-which if they slowed the pace down more might fit in but the scale of the story is so grand that they can't so like i begrudingly get it.#but still absolutely wild for the solution to be: do away with their actual arguments about divinity or keyleth's insecurity about#outliving all of vox machina. oh btw we are giving the vision she had of that to vax as a gift from rq or whatever#so he can be inscure about it instead. because he's fate touched or smthn. and that's too abstract for us to explore here so let's just#give him ominous visions.)#the more i have typed the saltier i have gotten i'm sorry it's just WILD TO MEEEE
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Your impulse to believe every last bad thing people say about a guy and then if that guy is victimized by those people or the people who spread the rumors you dont even try to look into if thats even the case, you just assume hes bad by default-- yeah thats incredibly unfair to guys who are victims of abuse.
#so here i am having to heal my trauma on my own bc people think im a bad person. cool.#and then people would use me as an argument point 'this is why men who use guys who are victims of abuse as an argument need#to actually do something to show they care' she said so smugly. knowing those guys wont give that guy any care no matter how#correct she is about sussing them out on their bullshit.#so instead im being given 0 options at all bc both men and women want to use me as an argument jumping off point rather than see#me as a real human right here right now whos suffering and in need of aid.#you're arguing about giving me a place to stay right in front of me. and at the end of the day neither of you actually want to help#create a space for me to heal anyways. im just another talking point to you. left in the dust. left to try to figure out how to heal#myself alone all over again. something I never expected to have to do in feminist spaces- spaces I intentionally entered to get healing#about ANOTHER abuse that happened to be as a kid- though if im honest I never really found healing in such spaces its all kinda just#hating on men for the most part- so truly like the rest of my entire shit life i've had to learn how to heal my trauma all alone. which isn#great nor ideal since on my own im bound to pick up worse coping mechanisms than if I actually got help from others. and lord knows#I have *motions to the scars on my arms* but yknow you'd rather use me as a talking point rather than be what I thought you were-#the last resort I had to maybe actually finally get some actual fucking help with my trauma.#vent#to say im disappointed is an understatement. i'm more just sad at this point. i'm tired of being promised better and then its shit.
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I know being like “communism is religious” is an extremely annoying thing to say but I’m reading a book called red demiurge which is about the legal history of the soviet union and honestly that title is not hyperbole
#red demiurge#only getting like 60% of it bc I don’t know that much about soviet history or law#or really anything . but like I’m reading about them moving an entire industrial plant#like physically disassembling it and moving it along with all the labourers#as well as equipment resources etc#bc of the german invasion#like they can’t afford to lose the factory so they just. move it lol#and like honestly just reading about it does evoke a sense of like#this is very close to a divine act you know#I know political theology is like contentious and I’m not fully familiar with all of those arguments#but like I am sometimes persuaded by the general concept#the state is the closest you get to like divine acts of god#aside from natural disasters and shit#to rhetorically capture the power of the state you sort of end up just talking about god#anyway sorry I’m being insane I’m high rn I think I’m gonna go play animal crossing#please don’t be weird in my notes abt this thank u <3
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What is the flavor of fear?
Sublime, my Brother.
(Alternate version under the cut)
#murder cult almost got wiped out. but we stay silly :3#no hes not bald. yes he has hair. i was just too lazy to draw it#anyways. new art experiment featuring my altmeri listener called lynwalynn from my second skyrim playthrough#(no i havent finished playing it lol)#he and his twin sister used to be part of dark brotherhood in cyrodiil before the unrest. fled the country. got separated#lynn did some crazy sidequesting and became the archmage of winterhold. got bored so he joined the thieves guild. became a nigthingale#banged brynjolf. got into an argument w him and had a messy breakup. left the guild bc things got really awkward w bryn#eventually re-joined the dark brotherhood and became the listener. and now hes just chilling and doing illegal shit w cicero by his side :)#he and his sister (named baltana; my first skyrim babygirl) accidentally reunite and catch up. he discovers that his sister also#did some crazy sidequesting on her own and that shes the dragonborn the vampireslayer of dawnguard and used to be the harbinger#of companions (but left bc she fucking hated their racist nordic supremacy bullshit)#yes he is fucked up yes hes almost like any other listener you can find on ao3 i dont care#i made a self-sacrificing almighty hero on my first playthrough and thought it was bland as fuck so i just said#yknow what. how about i made the wettest most pathetic nasty fucked up guy instead. AND they split the titles bc theres no way only#one person can do all of those things. like i get it but i think its just. boring if you're the all-powerful big strong good guy#skyrim tes#the elder scrolls#dark brotherhood#artists on tumblr#digital art#my art#long tags#oc: lynwallyn
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I write a lot to deal with my emotions and to process (right now I am processing a lot of anger, still). I don't share a lot of it, but I did write something to post on fetlife yesterday having to do with my friend, Remy's, death. The circles of people I have over there have no real context or frame of reference for any of it though. Since I'm still vaguely furry-adjacent, I figured maybe people (all like.. five of you) would get more mileage out of it here, so I'm crossposting it.
This is a small tidbit of furry history. Before you fly off the handle and send me anon hate, please take a minute to read all of this through. Plus think about what type of person would absolutely fucking loathe both queer people involved in WWII reenacting, and queer people dressing in uniform to do weird kink shit. (it's supposed to be fascists that idealize the era, they would have an aneurysm, but this is a trick question because apparently everybody loathes it)
Anyway. Pushing the Feldpost Envelope (furries and nazis and death in here.)
"History lesson.
I'm at the third year of my home furcon in 2005, attending opening ceremonies, wearing my officer's cap. All day, I've been nervously eyeing someone also in an officer's cap, albeit a different branch, worried that they're either going to be confrontational, or that they're a bad actor and a bigot. We'd unknowingly run in the same circles for a couple years now, but had yet to cross paths in any significant way until today.
"I like your hat" he smiled and piped up after the ceremonies were over. I, a very anxious sixteen year old girl at the time, had a flood of relief wash over me now that the ice had been broken and he didn't seem like a total asshole (joke's on me, Remy was still an asshole, just usually the good kind). "I like yours too..!" I chimed back. And the rest was history. "Living history", actually.
A couple months prior, Remy had created the Nazi Furs community, which I wound up co-running and co-moderating. The goal was to create a space for people with a genuine interest in history and reenacting (which despite the name wasn't limited to the German side of things) and/or for those who get their rocks off in uniform, a little more tucked away from early 2000s internet shock value, and most importantly protected from actual racists, bigots, and all around pieces of shit (which took a hell of a lot of work). Furries tend to cover the whole gamut of kink, and while Remy and I both leaned further towards the leather subculture, we tried to make space for all of the spectrum as long as it was related to that specific time period in some way.
We were not a popular or well liked group. But we were a necessary group. This is the south, if you weren't a cishet good ol boy, it was frankly just not safe to venture into any reenacting groups around here at the time. So, we made our own space for it, to be gay and weird and ourselves while we ran around in the woods. Even in kink, we tried to push the envelope for what was "acceptable" in the eyes of larger communities and carve out a little trench for ourselves, because often in the most accepting places, people would still take issue (and still do). We did our best to push back against people feeling closeted or ashamed for what they were interested in, kink or not. Don't be a shitty person is all we asked. We were young and we stumbled a lot, but we tried our best.
Ultimately, with the shifting perspectives in the fandom, in kink, and in general with online spaces being cleansed to be more palatable and marketable, we lost the fight. Part of it came from the evolving political environment in the US, it did become impossibly hard to weed out bad actors, and not be seen/assumed as a bad actor yourself. But part of it is from lingering social norms on what is "okay" and "acceptable" (even in alternative subcultures), instead of remembering that some interests can be solely academic and not a reflection of your own personal world views. Bleeding over to kink, it's exactly the same, and some people have forgotten that kink should be weird and ugly and not acceptable, it should challenge your emotions and perspective sometimes. It is the opposite of social norms, it's not meant to be sanitized and diluted down for the masses to consume. It's meant for you, and your self expression, self exploration, and your kameraden who share that with you.
Remy died on January 26th. He was one of my very best friends, and there are not many people left on this planet who know me like he did. I rushed to clean his house of things his mother did not want, or need, to see, because I was the only one left to do so. He is survived by communities that did not want him and refuse to see the work he put in for people to have a place they felt accepted.
I have no place in community anymore. But if anyone reading this feels ostracized for their interests or kinks, I feel the same so deeply inside me that it hurts my soul. You shouldn't have to feel that way. I do not have it in me anymore to try and create a space like Remy and I worked on in the past, but do know that you're not alone. I'll be here. I'm still here somehow."
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I would also like to add this summarized post that Remy made to the original group, the last post in the group, in 2017.
"In the wake of recent social unrest, we would like to take a moment to make a statement regarding this community.
Nazi_Furs was created by a bunch of nerds. Yes, you read correctly. A bunch of big old nerdy nerds started nazi_furs to post stories, art, historical articles, images from WWII museums, reenacting and living history events, and sometimes little animated gifs of dancing hitlers that we thought were funny.
Most of our members were card carrying homosexuals. Almost all of our moderators were gay, trans, or some other color of "unacceptable" to ACTUAL NEO-NAZIS.
Many of us have well researched and thought out fursonas that inhabit a world set during WWII era Germany. The setting used in many movies like Bed-knobs and Broomsticks, Indiana Jones, Iron Sky, and Dead Snow lends itself well to fantasy. Setting talking animal people into this backdrop did not seem like such a huge clusterfuck at the time.
Nazis are a cliche', relegated to "the bad guys" in popular culture. The sharp uniforms, advanced military weapons and tactics, crackpot schemes, and paranormal ties are used all the time in modern media. They are a caricature of what they were 70+ years ago, much like ninjas (paid assassins) and pirates (murderers and thieves) are today. Once you have been relegated to a children's Halloween costume you no longer have the influence to command respect or fear.
Let us allow nazis to be just that, a cliche condemned to be the "bumbling bad guys". Let us laugh at them and rob them of any authority they feel they may have. There haven't been any "REAL" nazis since the downfall of the NSDAP in 1945, and any members of that movement would be pushing 90 by now.
The "alt-right" are not nazi_furs. They are hateful individuals putting on costumes pretending to be like people they do not understand who have been dead for years. These people WANT you to associate them with nazis, and calling them that only feeds their egos. Lets try not to do that.
If you take anything away from our group, let it be a reminder of our origins as nerdy nerds pouring over history books, saturating ourselves in history to better understand what happened in the 1930s and 40s. Take a look at our current situation we find ourselves in and ask yourselves if we are all doomed to repeat our past mistakes. Then focus your rage and disapproval in a productive manner. Get out there and vote the real racist out of office. Mobilize in peaceful protest, advocate for the oppressed and downtrodden. Make the world a better place than you found it."
I stepped away from the fandom when my home convention, RCFM, ended after a decade. I had been run into the ground, my wallet taken advantage of entirely too much, and I was burnt out beyond belief. Remy stayed more up to date on fandom things, I know there were issues with other "nazi" groups popping up that were inundated with the alt-right. There was no avoiding getting lumped in with them, so we eventually just enjoyed our interests in silence, away from everyone else.
To be completely honest, the majority of our time was spent in museums and hunting down weirdly specific esoteric research topics, which we'd then attempt to discuss while drunk around a fire (this is the academic way). It wasn't to idolize these people or politics, it was to understand an extremely complicated time period and what was born out of it. There are SO MANY absolutely fascinating aspects to study, not just "woo big scary gun death ubermench". What people saw most though, convention-wise at least, were the room parties where we could let our hair down and be WEIRD. Furcon room parties are fucking weird just as a baseline, throw some uniforms and sadomasochism in, sometimes some LSD, and... I mean yeah. And of course that's all that stuck in anybody's mind. Though, tbh, a lot of the time for the majority of the night, it was just a small circle of friends watching war movies and drinking. We came up with this (not) great idea to take a shot every time there was a depth charge in Das Boot, yeah I can't recommend that lmao.
Even from the reenacting standpoint, Remy was putting together a US medic impression (not even German! *clutches pearls*) over the past few years, because he was an EMT by trade. I've always reenacted a very inept Wehrmacht artillery officer who is a touch cowardly, not great at their job, and is usually relegated to office/paperwork. It's far from the edgy internet shock value people associated us with.
Nowadays I am usually running around in the woods alone, or getting the shit kicked out of me in uniform (consensually). I'm just less visible about it. I wish I didn't have to be. It feels very lonely, extremely so now that I've lost Remy. I think there was a good opportunity somewhere in there to push back against the alt-right by being very VERY gay and trans and queer and weird in uniform, destroy the image they were trying to create for themselves, but the current culture of the internet wouldn't have allowed that. I'm still going to keep doing that, just.. y'know, in my own space, on my own time.
I hope other people are out there being weird too. I'll be weird with you in spirit.
#text#I'm not going to be entertaining bad faith arguments on any of this fwiw#I'm happy to talk and reminisce on those years in the fandom and all the stuff we got up to#but I don't have the time or energy for people being shitty#I really just want to get shit out of my head to help me mourn#that's what a lot of this is#I'm mourning both the loss of one of my best friends and the loss of the space we tried to make for 'undesirable' kink#it really feels like all the work and struggle and effort put in by so many people over the past twenty years not just for that kink aspect#but for kink and queer spaces in general is just fucking GONE. like it was for nothing.#I don't really know where to go from here#I'm definitely struggling with that#anyway that's enough rambling for right now I think
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