#so actually drawing those ideas feels like im doing the same old shit

[dykepaldi]

i think the reason ive never been able to make ocs is that any character design with a cool queer fashion sense i come up with is inevitably gonna end up looking like someone i know lol

[bauhausdog]

i feel weirdly energetic for some reason, (◕‿◕) so im gonna talk about something in my mind a bit.

basically, i think that "learn the rules before you break then" and both "shape language is real, triangle can indicate danger" and "shape language isn't real, look at all these square characters, they have nothing in common" are kinda flawed and highlights what i think its a deeper problem on how we tackle art theory as a whole. Also, i think appeal is subjective and that, actually ugly or "unappealing" things have value.

skip to the star emoji if you just want to read my main point

I don't like how the drawing fundamentals are treated as a single canon, i personally don't believe in a single canon on, uh... pretty much anything, perception, even though there's quite a lot of objective ideas in it (like how lenses work, ambient occlusion, anatomy, etc.), that doesn't mean the way we make those connections and create theories based on them is objective and silver bullet proof. To make my point a bit clearer, I'm specifically talking when people refer to the "fundamentals" as the rules, to further sharpen my point of view, i rarely, if ever, believe in rules in art. To exemplify of what i mean, let's immerse a bit in the world of... uh.. renaissance era, although it would be delightful to rant about centralizing "art" as "beauty and skill" and those as whatever western society at the time thought it was good, i am not and i dont want to make a comparison of bigoted "beauty" guidelines to "uhmmm, not so objective aesthetics" guidelines, but i do want to use a specific pattern of thought in it.

Ok, so, (at least the art we known) from that era looks kinda the same right, that's because they had a somewhat set of ideas and values of what made "something pretty", and "good art", that is, realism = good. Ok, then let's say you, fellow artist, wake up in bed, and decide to read a hypothetical "art rules" book and decide to compare it to the "good art", you see how you should structure the steps of a drawing, how you should apply anatomy, how you should render shit, and so on. "golly gee, that's a bunch load of rubbish if i ever seen one" You might say, but you take another look at your 1500 deviantart gallery book, all of the popular mainstream artworks seem to have followed these steps, right? But there's something missing,

Here's a question, how do you make something new then? art right now doesnt look like reinassaince that much anymore. You might say "oh break the rules", im gonna get to that part, put that in the back of your head. Ok, so, how do you create something new? how would you create artwork? if you were trained like those famous painters, you would probably just follow their steps and mindset, and create similar artwork, but can you break the pattern while upholding restrict art guidelines? imo you can't

"bauhausdog, what does this have to do with cannons?" shhhhhh... im gonna get to that part.

So, art history taught us that, in a nutshell, people just ducked around and finded out, breaking that rigid art canon piece by piece, although it's worth noting that a lot of it was also ideological, but i want to shine a spotlight on the art part of this phenomenon, "art should have realistic colors" lol no, fauvism, "art represents reality" lol no, surrealism, "art should be realistic" lol no, modernism, "art should not be realistic" lol no, naturalism.

people broke that weird rigid old canon, and people learned that they could make new things bc of this experimentation.

Alright, let's tie evertyhing together so far, in the modern day, we have taken a lot of lessons based on these art movements, we absorved a lot of stuff, we have knowledge of almost everything, our process of drawing, our way of arting, our 'artstlye', is super varied, there is a lot of elements at our disposal, we can be as realistic as we can, as cartoonish as we can, we live in the same timeline as tawog and everything everywhere all at once, shows that mix different methodologies, philoshopies of art in one motion picture.

excuse my "middle-upper class got out of art school trust fund guy" term here, but we do live in a hypermodern reality, this is super, super cheesy, but it is everything, all at once :PPP.

Now, let's wrap the previous question, how do you create new stuff? experimenting, literally thinking outside, inside, and about the box, that box being our conception of art, also, the way we conceptualize art is super importqant, i mean, its literally the way our little heads organize what is a art and how do you art a thing.

"bauhausdog, you said something 30 minutes ago about the back of the head", ok, so, to talk abut how we conceptualize art, let's talk about, well, the thing. Until now, my thesis isn't breaking any new ground, i'm not proposing a solution, or at the very least pinpointing a problem, well, i can kill the rest of the birds with just a single stone, a quote stone.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

"learn the rules before you break them", it seems reasonable at first, let's break down the phrase, "learn the [rules](...)" what is this "rules"?, well, it's the general notion of art fundamentals, "(...) before you "break" them", what breaking means, exactly? well, if we take fauvism, fauvism was about subverting naturalistic rendering as the "correct pretty" standard, fauvism is basically messing with colors, duck around, find out. This distinction is important to make, in my interpretation, "breaking" is equal to that, experimenting outside a strict set of guidelines.

But wait, did you catch it? the weird connection with these two sentences, "learn this general set of rules, then you can experiment and get to your own conception of what art is", this sounds weirdly similar, where i've heard that before....

this is where it all comes together, follow me on this logic for a bit. Based on what I talked about the art movement argument, i said that previous experimentation (eg: modernism) lead to a better conception about art and its elements in general (eg: learning about abstraction and how to incorporate that on an artwork with modernism), the give-away here is that we build upon to a better and more comprehensive understandment. So, the contradiction to me is, if you need to learn and build upon a certain set of guidelines to then be able to do your own thing, there is something wrong with this set of rules.

To me it is just so weird that these rules just ignore that we live in a world of everything, why a "wrong" color palette is wrong? why airbrushed pillow shading is wrong?

and i'm not crucifying this one phrase, in my opinion, this is part of a wider acceptance of just this general "art guidelines" that you need to learn to improve.

What i am criticizing here is a generalized "art conceptualization canon" that fails to consider the subjectivity of aesthetics and caters to a mainstream type of art, and is tunnel visioned and doesn't teach art beyond the bite sized pieces of information.

I don't have a lot of examples to back this up, but what i do know is, there's no agreed upon, universal opinion on whats appealing or not, what works or what doesn't, what's true or what's not. The only example i will bring up is this. perfect perspective is bullshit, like, persperctive is the least broken rule here, perspective should not always be drawing straight lines converging trhough a point, honestly, freehand it, use your knowledge to distort it. "draw straight lines converging to a point" is a bit shallow

In my opinion, art should be taught in a more hollistic way even down to the little details, actually, i think it would be beneficial to teach a hollistic view in art as a whole, as in, the individual elements don't live in a vacuum. And also, there should be an emphasis on different aesthetic values (eg: naturalistic, western comic book, modernistic, eastern) and be mindful of the subjectfullness of aesthetics.

In conclusion, i think we should start refering to the general "fundamentals" as like, "post-modern western society's theory on illustration aesthetics" or in an actual serious manner something like "objective art theory". that's still a janked mess of a broken, but i would much prefer structuring things as like "perceptual color theory", "emotional color theory", "western color theory", instead of plain "color theory"

tldr: "art fundamentals" are a bit reductive, tunnel visioned and puts a single set of aesthetic values on a pedestal

also, a bit of a tangent, but i dont believe in a universal appeal at all, "dont shade with airbrush", "dont pillow shade" there's at least one human being that really, really likes the look of airbrush with a pillow shading look, just follow your art honestly, even if it is ugly, who cares, ugliness should be celebrated, not in the "not conventional" kind of way, i mean graffiti is beautiful, but i hated graffiti, acne looks pretty, but im still trying to unlearn to hate acne.

extra tangents: i think that color theory reflects certain aesthetic values and is not universal (dont have anything to prove but a suspicion), let people do random ugly shit for fun, "bad" art has value.

sorry if it doesnt sound coherent as much as i try to push my brain power my head feels foggy when i try to talk about something

I will add to this more later

[downfallofi]

That doesn't sound bad. That's only disappointing if it disappoints you. What kind of stuff do you tend to sketch if I may ask? Also might've been low key seeing if you play video games that I could invite you to play.

Ah, you know, thank you for this. 🥹 they are my hobbies, and I need to learn not to minimize them or apologize for liking them. (Old habits, it comes with growing up the way I did and being told that liking comic books and Star Wars and "living in a fantasy world" was making me weak) But yeah I mean. It's not disappointing to like reading, or art, or video games, nor does it make someone a loser.

(I need to remember that)

I love to draw all kinds of things, I have a sketchpad filled with stuff from reference/still life, I like practicing drawing flowers, I actually sometimes like drawing smut/ shibari and if I ever actually posted that online I'd tag the models I referenced... not even in a horny way but there's something wonderful I find in shibari or fetish stuff artists that they challenge you, in drawing in a pen and ink medium, to workshop how you adapt poses, musculature, lighting, all that stuff.

And I have a lot of superheroes.

When I was a kid, all the way up to about 17, I wanted to be a graphic novelist, make my own comics that were like just my teenaged brain firing off ideas I'd sponged up from a lot of X-Men and a LOT of Toonami. I didnt go on to become a comics artist, in fact, due to being discouraged by my dad and others (...but, well, my dad) I sort of came to the conclusion it was childish ("cute lil cartoons," they were derisively called) and let my gift atrophy. I drew nothing.

So in coming back to it, slowly over the last... ten years? Ive gotten back in to art.

It's not the same as it was. Sadly, it can't be, that fire I had when I was young was well. Stomped out.

So I cant make panels, and I struggle with transition and movement from one panel to the next to make a story flow, and sometimes it feels like I draw OTHER people's heroes like Spider-Man like I'm a fucking cover band at a dive bar playing KISS.

But I've still worked on it, and grown a lot over those last ten years, and found a peace in it that yeah, idk, maybe it isnt what I wanted to be when I was young but it's still art, dammit.

So yeah, sorry. Im wordy and it was complicated to answer but you kind of put a dime in and got me talking about it so. My sketchbook has lots of microliner ink drawing, some flowers and still life, some smut, some X-Men cover band stuff, just stuff I want to challenge myself to draw.

I'm also determined to experiment more with color like my copic markers this year so.

Video games I play are really a lot of single player open world stuff, Im currently grinding on um.

...fallout4 OKAY DONT JUDGE ME, I am of the specific brand of gamer that finds some peace and comfort in going back to Skyrim and Fallout from time to time...

I would love to get in to games with other people but I wouldnt know where to start, or what to pick up, frankly, but that is a kind offer and one I'd be interested in maybe perhaps at some point

I take it back... I did have a coop farm in Stardew Valley I played sorta multiplayer with my friend from CO but... our friendship sort of died off and we dont Stardew together anymore... fuck Im sad now.

Sincerely, thank you for the asks and the kindness and if you made it through reading ALL of that shit you are a fucking G and I respect and love you so much

[by-glass-and-waves]

oh dude dude what do you MEAN "sorry guys who are looking for delicious Courtship/Restart goodies" I LOVE DEPRESSION QUEST, and i love the fact that theres someone else out there that has a runaway narinder AU

the idea of a completely power hungry lamb who disregards narinder as a person is so uncommon, i dont think ive actually seen that dynamic played out in a story/hc tbh ??? so i am LIVING for this, it truly is the spice of life

n like letting him runaway n waits for him to come crawling back??? absolutely maliciously delicious content

but nARINDER OH NARINDER angry, break down, self imploding beloved!!! again there isnt enough completely broken down ISOLATED(emotionally) conceded narinders, so many au's have him conceded, but they always including the lamb trying to get him comfortable and okay, never narinder just being tolerated and treated like property or a trophy and i love that fucked up dynamic

i'd really love to know more abt baal and ayms place in the cult too, are they like mini trophies ? or are they just "eh another follower"

either way the idea of narinder self imploding to the point of complete isolation (running away) is such a good idea, im living for it !!! and the idea of a ratoo & narinder friendship from this has consumed my brain greatly, i love that idea i actually had a brain wave pic pop up in my brain, so i'll draw fanart of this AU later bc i adore it

WHOA I was at work and I was like "I got an aaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" oh man I'm glad you really like the idea! I think I did see some fics like this (well not Narinder dips fics)

I will let you know that these qs making me go "wait hm this would fit into the AU better than my original ideas" so please bear with me!! at any rate omg aw thank you for loving these idees maybe I should just masterpost and mark spoilers for whatever comes to mind here also this is gonna be a long answer post pardon me

so spoilers for Depression Quest and Courtship I guess?

also trigger warning: depression, thoughts of self harm, mentions of mental breakdown

So this is me not reading cotl shit in like, literally months in order to try to preserve my headcanonideas like a loser but damn whoaaa I'm happy that you really like this AU

The initial idea actually did have just plain old Lamb being all okay bb i'll be here waiting for you when you ready I won't push you, I'll let you run away and live your life bb just want you to be happy uwu like they did want Narinder to love them back but they were fine with just making him happy and brought back the Bishops and stuff so they could reconcile but as said before, things didn't seem the same for them

Then as Courtship took form I kind of moved those kinds of feelings Lamb had to the new AU and really honestly removed them from the equation because I wanted to focus on Narinder and Getting Over It™ and just living his own fucking life instead

What did remain was Narinder's complete and absolute breakdown when he locks himself into the house they built for him and his eventual escape. Like goddamn, I was like this man needs to break

The amount of broken furniture, crying and screaming onto the floor and bed, throwing items at whoever manages to get into the house, laying down and staring at the ceiling in a catatonic state, etc

I liked the idea of him meeting other people and them remarking on his fallen status or having to hide his identity when interacting or going to public places and it's pretty much how I came up with the Ratoo encounter/friendship

Imagine Kudaai laughing when he requests a scythe and giving him the smallest, lightest one for his weak upper extremities

addendum: like after escaping he does get better like he runs into kudaai and gets scythe at least but he still sucks since his hands/arms more likely to spaz more when he exerts himself too much (aka combat)

Imagine Narinder trying to stay inconspicuous when he goes to Plimbo's stall at the Lighthouse, etc

Once the idea of resurrecting the Bishops came up around the time I started writing Courtship I kind of went, tbh Lamb would only do that to get Narinder back and then that idea of the Lamb just stuck

The Lamb knew where he was the entire time. The Lamb let him think he was finally free from them. The Lamb decided to uproot his life when he thought he finally found peace (by reintroducing his siblings) and from there the Lamb became the kind of famous hero/whatever who would 100% use Narinder as a trophy SO and show them off while he feels awful and drinks every night to cope

i'd really love to know more abt baal and ayms place in the cult too, are they like mini trophies ? or are they just "eh another follower"

So initial idea was that Baal and Aym weren't crazy about it but came around after Lamb invited Forneus for a visit, then they would be like yes Master should see how good Lamb is

Now thinking it over, it could have a good twist to it:

Baal and Aym think that Narinder should come around because Lamb is a good person and his life would improve

In this, his guardians become his jailers. They've become the ones most actively working for his "rehabilitation", and Narinder hates it because he knows it's another way for the Lamb to break him. He's thinking that it's their mortality that made them cave so easily.

Once Narinder makes it out, they want to make their presence known once they find him, but Lamb explicitly commands them not to until they say it's time. So they go and check on him and obvs this is stwess for Narinder since he feels like he's being watched

Still though, Depression Quest is more Narinder-based than Narinder/Lamb relationship-based because it's him trying to live in a new Lamb-ruled world while trying not to show off his shitty power level or something, Lamb didn't really pull up much once he gets out except for really sending Baal and Aym to keep tabs on him and maybe probably when the Bishops are resurrected but even then it's just like... there's still this kind of sad underlying everything.

So fun fact: a few of Courtship's ideas originated in Depression Quest! Such as the shared love for gardening/camellias by Leshy and Narinder, and the relationship/dynamic between Kallamar and Narinder. I don't know why but their relationship felt fucking devastating once I came up with it hence why I think Chapter 9/Kallamar's quest in Courtship has been my favorite to read and write so far.

Courtship and Depression Quest do share quite a few things, so I'm worried I might echo too much of the same shit should I actually come to write it. While writing out this answer I posted an unedited bit on a prototype for Leshy quest and you may see some parallels to the one for Courtship :o

the idea of a ratoo & narinder friendship from this has consumed my brain greatly, i love that idea i actually had a brain wave pic pop up in my brain, so i'll draw fanart of this AU later bc i adore it

pls show me when you done I want it I'm so glad you like it and yes Ratoo and Narinder friendship is one and only

I think there was more but it's like 2am and I have to wake up in like 3 hours and I think I should just do a fucking masterpost on these AUs

[kaleidosouls]

hi. (pulls out uke)

IM JOKING but i havent posted here in forever huh, are ppl still around? i guess ill comment on like, whats been going in in the time i havent posted

so a long time ago now i wanted to like, cut off from twitter, so i deleted the kaleidosouls twitter, and wanted to keep my art stuff just on insta mostly, trying to move since twitter is a sinking ship right. then my instagram got deleted for no reason (and so did my pinterest that was ful of refs and honestly that was more upseting than insta getting deletedand losing all my art following)

ive been mildly caught up in IRL/college stuff in the meantime,having da depression, and the exec dysfunction same as awlays like. not much has actually been happening but ive been going acutally all over the place trying to figure out what im gonna do with my internet social media stuff. im looking into internships (other field) and im like, i havent given up being an artist professionally exactly but i think im like fuck it. fuck this like, building my Internet career or whatever. like, im gona wokr on my art portfolio and try to find art job stuf thats not really about how popular my art is on twitter or smth. none of that shit rly matters anymoer. same w here, i probably wouldve delted this tumblr if it wasnt the main like, blog so all my other blogs dpened on this one right.

im not like, done posting art online but ive been changing how im going about it and i still havent found my like, place yet. i did remake instagram, a main one and one for creature/pokemon stuff. idk im figuring out my life but i guess the main point is that its all a mess, and its not a disaster like things are going bad or anythin just that ive been in this inertia of disorder for a long time. im getting old. really tired lately, barely draw that much

i still rly love and am holding onto my personal ideas/projects that i want to execute oveer time altho they cant be a priority rn becuase of stuff in life. i got a really bad attention span so ill probably like, work on smth a lot for a few ays and then pick it up again in a year or more. the SU stuff is one of those. i actually ammaking this post bc i got really fucking dickhead comments and i was thinking of going off but my social media paranoia PR brain is like weighting on how i cant do that bc itll make my brand look bad and immature, and its like exhausting to live like that yk. altho it Is wise to restrain myself from being mean dsgkj but i also think itd be funny to cuss ppl off so :( life is very hard as an adult!

anyway point is. thigns are a mess rn and they will continue to be for the time being. my accoutns got obliterated so if you wanna keep up with me maybe follow my instagram if you want, i keep forgetting tumblr exists so tahst why i post so little on here. i do like postingt here though, nad i like making little blogs. i like ppls tags on ym art and replies. even the pricky ones like, i get to engage my brain a litlte bit adn its like ppl are out there yk? seieng my stuff, rather than just like, a bunch of numbers of how many likes or reblogs smth has.

most of the stuff left on this blog is for SU reclaimed and i still rly like the idea and its good coping for me and i want to pick it up sometimes but idk what to do with it wrt how i wanna present the content. ive considerd many times making a separate tumblr for it and i am considering that Again but maybe i should just quit it and post it here and forget about that. and find a different way to present the totality of the contents of the AU and use this tumblr as a way to just post it like, a 'devblog' (i am not developing SHIT this is just conceptual design writing stuff)

if theres anyone still following thats like engaged/interested in SU reclaimed feel free to comment with your thoughts or suggestions,i guess i could make an instagram for it? but ehh... idt thats how i wanna like, execute it. welp. i guess if i do make smth ill post about it here,i guess the point is that maybe i can try to post on here moreoften, idk, like i want my instagrams to be more tidy and like, impersonal. i deleted twitter bc i dont want to engage that personalyl at ALL anymore as an artist w viewers. not to mention it sinking. but i guess tumblr Is the perfect place to keep that unprofessional, slightly casual blogging artist experience. maybe if i get to cuss ppl out :D but then i dont wanna get harassed later over it. hm.. sucks to exist online tbh

thank u if youve read this far. if youre a mutual (somehow) or a long time follower and wanna know how to better keep up w me since i know im disappearing a lot feel free to dm

[yuukei-yikes]

any thoughts on remind blue?

currently, it is my favorite kagepro song (this changes like every week but i digress...) and i really want to make a pv for it but i lowkey have no idea where to start

your analysis/ramblings on things is really interesting to read and see, so also just wanted to let you know that i love all the content you post!! :D

I LOV remind blue. like every kagepro song makes me want to rip my face off ♥️♥️♥️ but this one is one of those that make me feel so strongly that i cant listen to it ♥️♥️♥️ cuz i do that btw. i cannot listen to kagepro songs without preparing myself emotionally and it has to be when i am alone in my room. i could never listen to them in public. that'd be weird. im drawing and suddenly a kagepro song comes on in my playlist and im like this is so fucked up who put this here (<- i did)

songs like summertime record, lost day hour, remind blue and ayanos theory of happiness specifically i basically never listen to because it causes something in me both mentally and physically. im normal though.

TOTALLY support the idea to make a pv!!! i wouldn't know how to start either tbh💔 who would u make it be sung by?? like the song is so good but for the lyrics im like meh like str is already a thing. idk it sorta has the same vibe. its like summertime record and lost day hour's lyrics had a little baby together. which is why i always liked to interpret it as a haruka song but fuck it ig its shintaro's.

i also liked the idea of it being seto's or hibiya's. i think they'd deserve a song like this, especially hibiya!! tho for hibiya the whole "adult" thing is different LOL and even seto, he's just 17... ive always loved haruka being the punchbag for the "im an adult wtf" feeling because he goes from living his whole life thinking he will die and then he doesn't. or well he DOES die but then comes back, and suddenly he finds himself with his whole life ahead. like haruka and his early 20s crisis abt i did NOT think id be alive this long and now i gotta deal with everything those feelings bring me but at the same time i have to pay rent and worry abt what to make for dinner soooo erm fine ig. that's also what i think lost day hour is about, i know jin describes it more like a song abt old friends but girl idk it rly only has a couple lines abt that as opposed to all the rest of the song... erm. what was i talking about again.

i just think it was rly funny how we were all like ok remind blue uses "boku" so it's seto kano hibiya or haruka (or konoha). and then jin was like hehe. shintaro♥️ SHINTARO DOESNT EVEN USE BOKU whatever im pretty sure he also said it can fit anyone and its more a general mekakushi dan song. but tbh so is summertime record sooooo. sorry im sidetracking a lot

i dont particularly care for remind blue so much (LIKE THE SONG SLAPS im still talking about lyrics) bc it's very heavy on the shit abt like growing distant and stuff sortof??? like kagepros ending/str is implied to have the mekadan not grow apart but kinda do their own thing while still meeting to hang out, bc kagepro is also about growing up and with growing up comes maybe growing distant from these friends you love, but they will always be important and one of a kind in ur life and when u meet its like time hasnt rly passed between you. not to mention the whole thing about combining eyes and how all the snakes will always end up gathering by the queen no matter what, meaning the dan will always be bound to make their ways back to each other no matter what, and are connected to one another by the literal narrative that theyre all actually sort of aware of a little bit (they always refer to their tragedy as a "story"..kagepro is a little meta lol). and like that's all so beautiful but also fuck it. they all meet for pizza nights every week. erm. the passage of time am i right

ALSO TY FOR READING MY POSTS:///3 I LOVE KAGEROU PROJECT A NORMAL AMOUNT AND IM A NORMAL PERSON

[livecharliereaction]

U know what. Im reading the umi mangas but instead of making proper separate tags and all im just going to dump it all in one big post under the read me for each existing tag #Yay

Id like to read it on my own unfortunately im obsessed with Talking

Starting from ep2 cos i feel like it

Obvious spoilers im not going to pretend like i havent read all the vns

Shes so cute

Actually think about her and george a lot recently. From what i think shannon is.... its very very sad to me actually... shes living a sort of bride fantasy but its not with the one she REALLY wants right... And i find it interesting that most people default to calling yasuda sayo (i think it suits her enough and im used to seeing it around too) but the idea of her "true name" being the one that is exclusively used by george in the series is kind of interesting to me... some sort of declaration... I think this manga will overall make me decide what to call them anyway im using yasuda right now to make sure its not confusing but yeah ok

Actually not sure how to interpret that belief of hers either... Im still not completely sure on what i think magic means like i think the simple answer is Love but. I dont know

ALREADY PUNCHING ME IN THE FACE WHAT? KIYO?? Ok maybe thats why then. Hmmmh.

This scene i briefly forgot about actually but i did remember it the other day and out of all the magic items and stuff the mirror thing is the most obvious. So awesome

They draw her insane pretty im kinda obsessed

jessica said georges into "family oriented girls" oughhhh I was thinking about this too well not this exact scene but i did notice shannon visibly get a little quiet whenever george brought up kids. I used to hate the couple so i just assumed it was just their dynamic like george says things and shannon seems like she doesnt even like him But yeah.

Eva one of the people ever isnt she.

Well she does too #HALF COUSIN

UGH. i love her. one reason i wanted to read was to check some subtle things i didnt pay attention to for example is shannon+kanon the only person to call herself furniture? like eva here saying shes worthless n shit but not using that word. Another thing i wanna see how often those two are in the same scene and generally just idk staring at them

Hi kanon. Lmfao i was reading my old livetweet i kept saying he looks like a girl. Yeah. Kanon shannon appearance counter: theyre both here yes but theyre alone

Bae. I missed her. Omfg is she lowkey being born here. I think she doesnt appear in ep1 except maybe tea party... Oh man

like u see it right. im not sure how long ago this was though i forgor even though they just said it. less than 6 years surely

yes ok i checked it was... lets think

i love them

this too makes sense to me even more now. She wouldnt want to end up too close to george like physically i dont mean sex necessarily but like, at all and george is sheepish enough that he might not even have asked

jessica ur so fun to me. favorite cousin? ohhh but i love maria too But jessica is up there. I love her so bad

Now this is funny as hell to me u know. she was saying she wants a boyfriend tooooo and look whos going to show up sooner or later Extremely funny. I remember thinking her and kanon were super crazy good so... I want to OBSERVE

theyre talking about the affinity for seeing magic CLICK CLICK CLICK i dont remember exactly WHO was able to see beatrice surely it was just maria and well shannon and kanon

ugh

There it is #REAL ohh but i like the vn translation phrasing better

EYES WIDE OPEN. KANON IS STANDING THERE WITH HIM

LMFAO. I think he means it too... But it was shannon who suggested to jessica shed do it too... These things can coexist to me

they made him look CRAZY hes complaining. Ok gender dysphoria!

shes so cute i understand what happens next kiss kiss fall in love

Wait i dont like a lot of kanon depictions besides og sprites but i like this he looks CRAZY

OH GIRL SHE DOESNT KNOW WHO SHES TALKING TO ITS SO CRAZY.

Apparently theres a 30 image limit per post but thats ok im alr like 1/3rd done with this ep so ill just split it up. ANYWAY I FORGOT THIS IS HOW HE ANSWERS ITS. He was NOT thinking about it before this. Oh ur crazy. Since the sayo thing bothered me i thought about it a lot too like why yoshiya where does it come from. Im sure theres something w the letters n stuff but idk japanese so i wont know. Yoshiya

[watarulesbian]

wataru hibiki my precious lil birdie aaaawwwwwww 

anyway i wish i had the energy to think deep thoujghts about her . deep thoughts thatd make me feel like a real #1 wataruknower . i wish i had the will to get my ass over to some enstars stories featuring wataru and read them but i dont hav anyfucking will for anything but mindless scrolling and being pessimistic i was doing #stuff today and then i had a therapy appointment and bam rest of day wasted............................................................................................... besides when i painted for a while lol i got watercolor set for xmas and its quite fun 

wataru is MINE!!!!!!!!!!! MY CHARACTER!!!!!!!!!!!! MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE LEAVESME AWESTRUCK I CANT EVEN THINK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! unless youre one of my three friends from twitter (hi) you have NO IDEA of the extent. of how i so adore and love wataru. and even than thats not all of my love for her. 

one thing tho i love when people draw her face very expressive. i wish i could do that in my own art of her........ im better than ai but worse than most actual artists :( i want to die because im not able to capture her accurately in artistic mediums but other people can? so MAD!!! KILL KILL DIE DIE DIE (to myself not to the wonderful talented artists who i admire very much) 

idk i just feelt like shit lately. its because i havent gotten enough wataru. the enstar doctor perscribd me 10 hours of wataru hibiki a day and lately ive been getting like 2 a day when i NEED more than that i need. like 10! i need my mind to reboot my brain and maybe put a fucking timer on youtube because i keep looking at shitty uoiutube shorts WASTING MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE AWAY AND MAKING ME DEPRESSED AND DOOMFUL AND AAAARGHH 

how many of you even know my name? i know 3 of you do (hi again) 

tumblr isd better for making long incoherent posts huuuuu 

need one of those send a number and ill give a ___ headcannon things ummmmmmmmmmmm idk i feel like all my awnsers to thosewould be dissapointingly bland and im scared that there will be something in cannon thatd contradict my hc (NOT LIKE A LESBIAN HC BUT LIKE A LIKE/DISLIKE THING) wataru is lesbian by the way and i think, as an autisticl esbian mysjmlf and YOUR wataru expert Wataru feels the isolations. the lesbian isolations. the autism isolations. maybe its weird and unrelated to what im saying here and it might sound even crude but whenever someone who previously idenntif as lesbian comes out as Not lesbian i feel a profound emptiness within me . and i know i should probably tell that to a therapist and not post it on tumblr for anyone whos former ident lesbian to see this and feel guilty or mad at me but i JUST had a therapy appointment today and need to get it out. its been in my brain for a long time. and ive of course ive come to recognize and get used to people changing, ive never thought or said to anyone “nooo you cant be _____ youre supposed to be my fellow lesbian :(” but i never see anyone ever talking about feeling sad when a lesbian they know turns out to Not be a lesbian except in the context of transphobia or homophobia. like im NOT one of those asses saying “a trans man? we lost a lesbian im so sad” “noo lesbi ann is dating a man and changing her name to bai sexxx this is so not her! come back lesbi ann!” im just saying i feel  like when someone who previously idenntif as lesbian comes out as Not lesbian i feel a profound emptiness within me. and im NOT trying to guilt trip! and PLEASE dont be mad at me!  and i get USED to people not being lesbian! the emptiness goes away after several months! but yea whatever 

i want someone out there to make more art of eichi lovingly brushing and braiding watarus beautiful long hair. fic or art. or cannon for the love of god... theyd BOTH enjoy it the same amount im telling uou. even when they grow old together watarus hair is still long and still so nice and soft tbh like she got upset that it all turned white and talked about possibly dying it a lot but eichi is like My Wife Of Many Years You Are So Beautiful With White Hair You Are A Goddess. I Love It Just As Much As When It Was Blue.      but in present time as 19 year old young lesbian lovers i just know wataru has falllen asleep while eichi runs his fingers through watarus wonderful amazing shiny superlong hair. i know wataru doesnt wanna like be asleep in front of people but as part of showing her human side more, i see her doing it tbh, eichi loves seeing his girlfriend asleep and is always like Awwww :3 wataru doing normal human things with eichi is actually cannon btw and im smiling thinking aboutt that 

i want to write a magnus archives statement about watarus expieriences with a fountain (the stranger) she makes a foolish wish on that has her live a year where evgery day she wakes up in a different persons life and body and its totally torturous. after 365 days of that shes finally in the life and body of wataru hibiki again but she is incredibly traumatized . happier ending than most magnus archives statements because she is ALIVE with no physical injury and doesnt end up dying or anything. the stranger. i remember when i was really lttle i came across a ton of amazon reviews for a book that had a premise basically similar to this except itwas a creature who lived like this and it was a love story or something LET ME FIND IT HOLD ON 

its called “Every Day” i found it lol 

i never read it but i reacd the reviews 8 years ago so i feel like i know it well enough. it was easy to find by one single google search  ahaha 

i hsould be going to bed now thanks for listening tubmlmr 

[moejommadontpreach]

I’ve been avoiding this one because I don’t want anyone to take it the wrong way. But I need to stop lying.

When I was in 1st grade, 6-7 years old, most of the kids in my neighborhood were a year ahead. They still let me play with them. When you’re the young you think everyone likes the same things you like. Sports loving kids are shocked to learned an adult “doesn’t really follow football” or “I don’t have a favorite Disney princess” (I don’t follow football but Mushu is the best Disney princess (dragons can’t be princesses! It’s my fucking post bitch, fuck outta here))

My dad grew up in the country and they were around guns quite a bit. I grew up in a red state with maybe the highest rate of gun ownership in the US. One weekend my father took me shooting for the first time. Very harmless. I remember wearing ear plugs and him handling all the rounds. 22LR obviously for a 7 year old. Very mundane all things considering. I enjoyed it certainly, I played a lot of James Bond 007 so guns were pretty neat to me.

I made the mistake of telling the older kids what I had done. I remember saying the phrase “he showed me where the keys were”. This ended up getting back to the school by way of one of the parents. Well 7 year old me was taken out of class an interviewed by a school psychologist. This was not done with my parents around, idk what the typical procedures are in my state, but they actually thought I was gonna do something. This was before columbine for what it’s worth.

I’m a monster but only towards myself thank you very much. The only blood I’ve ever spilt is my own.

This had impacts that I couldn’t see and didn’t really understand until I was older.

My other 3 siblings also got taken out of class and interviewed by counselors, or whatever, about me. So now they had it in theirs heads that ‘your brother is crazy keep an eye on him’.

THE ONLY PERSON IVE EVER WANTED TO HARM IS MYSELF, AND I CAN DO THAT WELL ENOUGH WITHOUT GUNS.

My siblings perspective on me changed a lot I imagine. No clue what my parents thought. I think they decided maybe keeping me inside most of the times was a good idea. I don’t recall ever hanging out with those kids again. I didn’t really know what was going on, except that I had upset some people with what I said. So I started talking less. Sharing less. Turning inward. I stopped drawing and doodling because people can see your work and interpret your soul. (You really think lm that simple?) I decided I couldn’t trust the school; I’ve always felt a little hostile towards authority.

Moe if you hadn’t talked so fucking much, if you hadn’t try to stand out, if you hadn’t tried to impress people, you’d be more normal. You wouldn’t hate yourself. All because I, the person who is eerily quiet, had a big fucking mouth as a kid.

This one hurts because it feels like a repressed memory. But there wasn’t any physical violence associated with this one, and I think that’s unusual in repressed memories.

I’ve carried the “im a monster and they know it” thought ever since this encounter.

I just wanted to be cool! Ok. I thought about something cool I did and what did I get out of it? Stares and concerning looks.

I told the only girl I ever had sex with about this… I think she told her roommates about it. Or at least that she thought I was a murderer or something. Can’t open up but when I do it’s a terrible time and place.

One thing I’ll say; I didn’t do anything wrong here. All the other shit I’ve had a part in; being lazy, being a pot head, lying. This was a misunderstanding because I haven’t shot anybody, ( and this is obligatory honestly) yet.

The kid that told their parent was a girl. I think that humiliated me a little bit too.

[ezdotjpg]

I hope someone hasnt asked you this already, but how do you decide what types of scars to put on characters/where to put them? I have a hard time deciding on where to put scars and it seems like i keep recycling the same ones, mostly on the face, and could use some tips honestly. I know it helps to think about how the character got those scars in the first place but its still hard to place them in unique and interesting ways like you do

(Also if you want to talk about some of your choices for placement/shapes/types of scars on your link designs, that would be cool to read about, im especially curious about your reasoning behind the scar on mirror's cheek)

this is not at all a helpful answer, but it's honestly just.....vibes. I've actually been terribly inconsistent w the placement of their scars, at least the ones not on the face, which is something im trying to get better about with these updates lol. I just sort of put them wherever i feel like they should go.....

for a more helpful answer, yeah a lot of it is informed by some vague sense of what made the scar. Beyond that the focus is on making interesting shapes. letting go of the constraints of what an actual scar would realistically look like helps, though I do still look up real scars from time to time if I'm trying to go for something specific (which, yeah, can come up with some gruesome images, so be careful). I think of it as sort of a graphic design and layout problem instead? balancing clear skin with scarred skin. it's helpful to zoom out and look at the whole figure to see what kind of color blocking you're creating. Is any of that helpful lol?

for some rambling abt bonus links scars (and big general TW for discussions of injury):

Mirror's scar is half of a glasgow smile, which is typically a cut from the corner of the mouth to the ear on both sides, causing a permanent "smile" (full disclosure, first place I saw this idea was in Circuit Breaker by liketolaugh, though theirs is both sides.) My vague backstory is that Yuga gave it to him in the Eastern Palace, though Mirror fought him off before he could do the other half.

the scar on Loft's arm is a Lichtenberg figure, from Demise's lightning. It's also sort of the mark of getting that power from Demise. It is such a pain to draw KSHKF. Looking at some of my other refs, he's got a stab wound scar on his stomach that I'm deciding now is from the first battle with Ghirahim

the scar on Wolf's neck is from the final battle with Ganon, where he very narrowly avoiding getting his head hacked off. The scar on his arm is from his arm being severed and then reattached when Ilia gets captured at the ordon spring (a la the manga). He has some general claw mark scars on his other arm, chest and left shoulder.

slate has a lot of scars, a lot more than I've shown in any of his refs so far, but not all of them are actually from Before. For example, the scar on his chin and under his right eye are new. The one on his chin is from eating shit shield surfing, same reason his front tooth is slightly chipped (tho I don't think I've drawn that, whoops.) The one under his eye is probably a lucky swipe from the first Yiga traveler he encountered, would've lost his eye if his reflexes weren't so good. I know generally old scars are white and new scars are more reddish but I just sort of......ignore that for aesthetic purposes. Also top surgery scars!

besides the scar on his eye, I like to give wake this little scar on his lip. He's probably had it since he was a kid. I Am So Fond Of It. Generally his hands are pretty scarred up from a lot of pulling on ropes and idk. general pirate shenanigans. also has top surgery scars.

mini's hands are also scarred up from a) smithing and b) climbing things with the grip ring and no gloves. The idea for the scar on his shoulder is that it's a bite mark he got from something while he was minish sized, tho I should probably make it a bit bigger knowing that.

Spirit most definitely has a wolfos bite scar somewhere on his person, though I haven't drawn it

War has a burn scar from Volga that I currently have placed on his side, though I might actually put it somewhere else. idk yet. And also generally a lot more scars.

ok i have rambled enough

wait also a note on potions and why links still have scars: i like to kind of nerf the effectiveness of potions, because it's no fun otherwise. Potions don't necessarily "magically" heal outright, they just speed up the body's natural healing by a LOT. So, there's still scars, and the potential for ur average red potion to not be much help to a patient in dire condition.

[mercuryferns]

Not to “vent” on main, but i want to speak about pride and autism for a bit

I’m currently in a weird place in my life where im trying to accept many aspects of my identity that i considered ugly for a long long time. one of those being my autism, which i was diagnosed with a little earlier on this year. having that diagnosis fundamentally changed how i viewed myself in ways i struggle to describe to you. i had a brief phase where in desperation to dissociate myself from the stigmatized perception of autistic people that had unconsciously polluted my brain, i swore to use terms like “aspie” and “high functioning” “level one” as if allistic society seeing me as not human but in a slightly more appealing way (that being that instead of being seen as a four year old incapable of original thought i would be a weird carbon copy of albert einstein destined to cure cancer) would somehow make my life easier.

it doesnt, all it does is reinforce the same pseudo scientific eugenic hierarchy of what a clever worthy person is and what a broken unintelligible undeserving one is. realizing that was tough, because i grew up coping with my autistic traits by being whatever people wanted. i was like cheap air dried clay where the more i tried to mould myself into something i wasnt the more i started to crack, smooth over it meticulously with spit and desperation. im still in this spot of fragmented identity, in a liminal space between what i always wished i could be and the disappointing reality of what i actually am.

is it disappointing? is it only disappointing because i’m who i was taught was wrong?

i got what is known as an “unofficial” diagnosis. in other words, we went to a psychiatrist, did an evaluation, and was told hey yeah you’re right. this was because my mother wanted me to be diagnosed with asbergers, which is no longer recognized. i know she meant well. she didnt want me to feel like i was carrying a label too heavy for me. but theres a major part of me - especially after finding out exactly why the label “asbergers” exists - which is in violent opposition to it.

and. upon finding validation in the online autistic community i discovered just how unfounded my shame is. Being autistic is beautiful in so many ways. it makes me so sad that i would ever dismiss it as a part of me. I dont know how i managed to evade diagnosis for so long.

(when i look back on my childhood, i find it riddled with memories of rooms with yoga balls and swings; middle aged ladies with pixie cuts and the same lipstick spending hours trying to teach me how to write the letter C; pulled out of class “where am i going?“ “i think you need to calm down” “i am calm”; my father eyeing my ankles and calling “flat feet” as a reminder to let my heels touch the cold grainy tiles of our stoep, drawing faces on my erasers and sobbing for days when a girl threw penelope in the bin of the afrikaans class; reciting “just think about something else just think about something else just think about something else just-“ while attempting to get myself to eat egg and toast that was too toasted and anything with more than two identifiable textures; seeing someone in my spot in my spot in my spot in my spot in my spot thats my spot thats my spot thats my spot feeling something boil in my stomach; what are you doing i dont like it i dont understand are friends supposed to do this to me?)

Yeah. I have to study for my history exam now. But the point is that im autistic. And thats not only okay thats fucking awesome. Its a huge part of my life and if your idea of normal is what has caused me so much pain and dissociation throughout the years then deal with it when i actually embrace my own brain.

allistics who are cool, this is not intended to shit on you. just some thoughts ive had lately.

[poohwhin]

mandela catalogue volume 4 LONG thought dump. (for my dialovers followers i apologise for clogging your dash)

also big massive tw for this series.

OKAY SO. SOME THINGS! i’m a little bitch and pause the video every 15 seconds, so excuse me. but this also means that i can give you my rambling thoughts for various timestamps SKSKS. i’m not a theorist. i’m just a guy with some thoughts. you can actually skip all this bs if you want since i did an ACTUAL post abt my thoughts HERE.

[ 𝟎:𝟎𝟎 — 𝟐:𝟑𝟗 ]

we’re started with an explanation on the earth’s creation (in relation to christianity). which i always find it very interesting when we’re able to see the connections to religion, even if older bible cartoons and vhs style stories are a little unsettling to me.

but then seeing (what i’m assuming to be) gabriel’s statue just. standing there with his face obscured, after the text “awaken my son” appears is. wow. (definitely had me pausing my video every 3 seconds and hiding behind my phone.) i’m not gonna lie, i never expected alt! gabriel’s influence to go back that far into the christian lore. man’s been here from the jump i guess. (and ofc we get the infamous forbidden fruit scene, and eve becoming painfully aware and scared of the man looking down at them)

[ 𝟐:𝟓𝟎 — 𝟑:𝟏𝟐 ]

i have no real thoughts i just find the idea of someone names O’Brien calling to say hello to Dave to be incredibly endearing for some reason. SKSK. LIL DAVE HAS A FRIENDDDD. (also the windmill cgi(?) i’m diggin it.) also dave’s friend is religious which is. making me anxious for the both of them. SKSKS but O’Brien’s a band member which i find cool as hell.

[ 𝟑:𝟐𝟖 — 𝟒:𝟎𝟔 ]

LIVE ACTION DAVE MOVEMENT?? AHHHHHHH. WHENEVER WE’VE SEEN HIM HE’S JUST BEEN THIS SILLY LITTLE IMAGE. god i live for the live action scenes tbh.

also local businesses havent been doing so hot? man i wonder why. could it be the population dropping by the thousands (/j)

AYO ONE OF THE EMPLOYEES WHO WORKS WITH DAVE FOUND A TAPE FROM THATCHER? AHHHHH??? “same old procedure” , oh dear. i can only fear for what this tape holds.

also found out that Dave himself isn’t religious. which now makes me wonder about the position he’d be in when encountering an alternate. (O’Brien is also so nice though omg. understanding man.)

[ 𝟒:𝟏𝟑 — 𝟒:𝟑𝟔 ]

i just wanna say that alex’s cinematography has gotten SO MUCH BETTER? HELLO? these long black screens have really got me on edge, even though not really any of them have been leading to anything particularly scary. also the employee stealing the tape thatcher sent to, presumably, go watch it 👁️. oh dear oh dear.

BACK TO HIS FILMING SKILLS FOR A SECOND— everything being in black and white as well as him focusing on large silhouettes is just. UGHHHH 😩😩😩. what im assuming right now is some sort of tv has such an intimidating silhouette my goodness. (also “property of dave!! hands off!!!” i love him SKSKS)

[ 𝟒:𝟒𝟐 — 𝟓:𝟏𝟒 ]

ooooo static on da big screeeeeeeen. if its the intruder im literally gonna shit myself omg. he scares me sm.

THE TODDLER STRESS ASSESSMENT VIDEO?? OH NO?? HHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

(at 4:55) WHAT THE FUCK IS ON THAT TV?? HELLO? WHAT? THE FUCK? IS THAT AN ALTERNATE? FUCK THOSE GUYS

( at 4:58) nvm it was a drawing.

eugh i paused on the drawing.

ngl if that’s a child’s drawing i am. very concerned? because why is a child drawing something that realistic and morbid, i am. CONCERNED. but also the intruder is actively stealing children en mass so maybe we have other issues.

[ 𝟓:𝟏𝟐 — 𝟓:𝟓𝟓 ]

i’m ngl i thought that was a face instead of the back of someone’s head.

THATCHERRRRRR

youtube closed captions the audio is not “foreign.” pls.

(at 5:21) bro why did thatcher do a tiktok trend with his delayed ass walk.

wait why are we seeing thatcher’s day to day from this perspective?? is this significant? if it is i think its odd. us just chillin in his cabinet.

[ 𝟓:𝟓𝟔 — 𝟕:𝟓𝟏 ]

omg kid named lola. (also i feel like i’ve seen that last name before but im too lazy to check sksksks). also they’re in art club??? are they the kid who drew the drawing before?? (i mean they’re on the NEWS, SO—)

AYO MISS SARAHHHHHHHH. MISS SARAH HEATHCLIFF HELLOOOOO. (and omg she’s the founder of the paranormal club at BHS??)

(at 6:25) THE LITTLE GHOST ANIMATION IM SOBBING HAHSHSH. HEY LITTLE FELLA.

omg we’re seeing how sarah and adam met. so neat 😩 (also i cant make out the name of the hs adam goes to but it starts with a W. youtube closed captions also arent doing me any favours SKSKS?

adam grew up in mandela?? noice.

bro this silence is kinda freakin me out but that has nothing to do with the video SKSK

SARAH AND ADAM BPS FOUNDERS WOOOOOOOOOOOO

[ 𝟕:𝟓𝟕 — 𝟗:𝟒𝟓]

omg more live action i love it 🫶

(8:26) “look at it and don’t look away” WHATRE WE LOOKIK AT BOYS?? mentally preparing for a jumpscare rn.

the night vision lens scared the fuck outta me my god.

audio lure BITCH ARE THEY LURING PEOPLE OUT?? HELLO? THE HELL ARE Y’ALL TRYNA LURE WITH THIS?

(8:50) oh you got me fucked ALLLLLLLLLLL the way up. I’M WITH SARAH TBH I’D BE SCARED AS HELL.

BRO THERES THE HAND. AH HELLLLLLLLL NAH THERES A FUCKING HAND.

THERES MULTIPLE HANDS. THERE ARE MULTIPLE HANDS?? THEY ARE? EVERYWHERE? BRO?

ngl if this was the sort of ‘norm’ that adam was dragging them to, then i kinda get it. but also i’m an adam apologist so i’ll defend him for the rest of my days.

(9:23) GOD THAT WAS FREAKY AS HELL.

[ 𝟗:𝟒𝟔 — 𝟏𝟎:𝟐𝟔]

i’d be scared as hell too so its okay sarah 🫂🫂 like imagine you think you’re starting this quirky paranormal club then right outta the gate its like “DEMONS 👹”

omg :( sarah’s dialogue reminds me a lot of jonah’s from vol 2 with how she’s starting to think twice. but at least she’ll still do everything else 🫂

“two years later” so are they both 19?? 17?? idk the timeline here but they started bps in high school, so.

[ 𝟏𝟎:𝟐𝟕 — 𝟏𝟏:𝟏𝟓 ]

omg new characters in here. ofc we got sarah, jonah, and evelin but we got a tyler and amanda too? 👁️ damn what happened with amanda 😞 (also jonah and adam stoners confirmed?? tf y’all getting 25mg of? SHARE BITCH?) i also made a note to pay attention to the dates even though my ass will forget.

(jotting them down here: eve: just now | sara: friday | jonah : jan 7 | tyler : jan 2 | amanda : dec 19 ) idk if these are important but i got ��em.

(10:45) SHAWTY REMOVED JONATHAN AS A CONTACT? MANNNNNNNNNNN. also omg we got a noah?? does he have an arc? (ik i’m so hilarious)

also adam fr give my girl eveline some closure 🙄

[ 𝟏𝟏:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟏𝟑:𝟐𝟏 ]

adam my boy ily but pls learn your “there’s”. c’mon.

idk how i feel about adam’s picture being in black & white while sarah’s is in colour. that’s either important or adam is just emo as hell. (also theyre both grainy as hell. ik its 2009 but c’mon SKSK)

“ and idk what happened to him” changed to “pretty sure he’s dead or something” MY BOY BAHSHSHSHS. “idk he might be dead or smth. rip” LIKE ADAM. SHAWTY. THEN HE JUST MOVES ON LIKE “NAHNAH LEMME GIVE YOU THE GOOD NEWS!!!” BAHSHSHSHS

(12:32) oh. sarah’s pfp change. OH NOOOOOOO. SARAH NOOOOO. okay its back to normal nvm.

“i didnt think it would be that big of a deal” adam. bby. your friend is DEAD? shawty looking out for himself, so power move i guess SKSK.

(13:21) “i dont have friends” okay emo ass.

[ 𝟏𝟒:𝟎𝟐 — 𝟏𝟒:𝟏𝟒 ]

sarah just been going OFF. POP OFF. also adam hanging up like a lil baby 🙄

“no wonder evelin left you” DAMNNNNNNNNNNN

[ 𝟏𝟒:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟏𝟔:𝟏𝟒]

damn mandela county went from 19,867 to 1,075 in just 19 years. also, thatcher :( he sounds SO BROKEN and SO TIRED. his actor did so good :(.

HIS MONOLOGUE ABOUT RUTH. IM GONNA SOB SO FUCKING HARD. “i’ll make you proud ruth” IIIII HATE IT HERE. SO MUCH. also “the darkness followed me home” i will cry so hard dont play with me

[ 𝟏𝟔:𝟑𝟎 — 𝟏𝟕:𝟑𝟎]

Thatcher’s room is just like mine for real.

JESUS I FORGOT THIS SERIES WAS AN ANALOG HORROR FOR A SECOND. GOD I HATE IT. the idea of something being in your house but not DOING ANYTHING. GOD. LIKE NOT MOVING SHIT AROUND OR PROWLING. JUST STARING AT YOU. FUCK. AND ITS JUST THERE LIKE “🧍 lemme talk to you about your car’s extended warranty”

the fact that thatcher and his alternate are having a staring contest has me cracking tf up. they like: “LOL HELLO??”

[ 𝟏𝟕:𝟑𝟐 — 𝟏𝟖:𝟐𝟗 ]

OH THE LADY WHO WORKED WITH DAVE WAS EVELIN IM AN IDIOT BAHSHSH. but omg dave is in SHOCK. THE GLASSES CAME OFF. him finding out evelin went through the shit >>>> but him firing her :(

[ 𝟏𝟖:𝟑𝟎 — 𝟏𝟗:𝟒𝟒]

omg. HES TAKING O’BRIEN’S OFFER AHHHHH

“remembrance”. oh dear.

OH MY GOD THATCHERS ALTERNATE? MOVING IN REAL TIME? HHHHHH. AND HE CALLED OFF ALL UNITS? EUGHHHHH. god alex is so talented with his cgi i stg. and the emphasis on how INHUMAN those face movements are. eghhhhhhh. that was some chameleon shit i stg.

(19:17) BRO BACK UPPPPPPPP. GOD BAHSHSHS. got ALL UP IN YOUR FACE, JEEZ. anyways.

“dead or alive you’re no use to these people” i will cry. thatcher :(

“a scared boy with a gun” AHHHHHHHH

[ 𝟐𝟎:𝟎𝟎 — 𝟐𝟏:𝟑𝟐]

him writing his letter to ruth. :( GOD I JUST WANT THEM TO BE HAPPYYYYYYY. I WANT THEM TO HUG, AND BE PEACEFUL. GODDDDDD

oh no he’s crying :( . THE ACTING IS SO GOOD IM GONNA CRY OML. thatcher is so sad dude. :((( “now your dead ‘cause i was so fucking scared” HNNNNNNNNNNNN.

so i’m gonna assume that thatcher is dead now? :( i hate it here.

[ 𝟐𝟐:𝟐𝟖 — 𝟐𝟑:𝟓𝟕 ]

youtube closed captions this is not applause.

adam what is this capcut ass video BAHAHSHHSS. COULDNT EVEN GET JONAH’S PICTURE IN 😭. A THREE SECOND “a celebration of life” BRO OF WHO’S? 🤨 HOW TF ARE THE SUBSCRIBERS SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO YOURE TALKING ABOUT SHAWTY 🙄 god this kills me SKSKS

ADAM THIS ISNT ANY BETTER BAHSHSHHSHS. this man is READING A SCRIPT, BRUH. “jonah passed away peacefully” now you know damn well.

[ 𝟐𝟑:𝟓𝟖 — 𝟐𝟔:𝟏𝟓]

oh shit we got home footage now. ALSO CAN I JUST SAY? NIGHT VISION CAMERA’S ARE FREAKY AS HELL. i cant tell if its just normal motion blur/it tryna refocus or if theres ACTUALLY SMTH THERE.

omg its the preacher’s (or was it the messenger? idk) image. heyyyyyyyyy

OH WAIT ITS A DRAWING. i cant make out the words on it though. 😞 but the sentence itself looks like it was cut off, so even if i could read it it’d be incomplete.

BRO WHO’S HOUSE IS THIS? WHY ARE THE DOORS SO FUCKING TALL?? WHY IS EVERYTHING STRETCHED OUT?? is it just the lens or is this house ACTUALLY just wonky as hell.

ooo what’re we covering up??

DAMN JONAH WAS 21? and the mf’s middle name was edmund.

oh no.

this funky ass text is really gettin me. also adam really just spitting some hot philosophy to evelin 🤨 damn. tbh if i was told even HALF the shit he was told i’d be mad too.

(25:20) bro this video. oh dear oh dear oh dear oh dear. also had me thinking that my youtube was buffering but nah thats just the video sksksk.

[ 𝟐𝟔:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟐𝟔:𝟐𝟐]

ooooo correspondence. alex is really THRIVING with words ending in “ence/ance” 😩😩

[ 𝟐𝟔:𝟐𝟑 — 𝟐𝟖:𝟎𝟎 ]

i have. no words. absolutely NO WORDS BAHAHSH. this post really just. sums up my thoughts SKKSS. nah but?? face studio 2 ??? where tf is the first one? anyways that demonstration video was freaky but i find it hilarious that alternates are sittin at their lil desktops customising their face <3 BAHSHHSS.

[ 𝟐𝟖:𝟎𝟏 — 𝟐𝟖:𝟐𝟖 ]

oh dear it transitioned to home footage. oh my.

OH. OH OKAY. WOW UM. HELLO MISS LYNN’S BODY

i’m assuming thats the intruder’s face in the corner. but the phrase ‘a thriving society’ with this image is. eugh.

“a thriving society of followers of the true saviour(?)” is that what was said? there was a lot more after that but after the word ‘true’ i could hardly make anything out.

okay everyone hold tf on because i’m about to try and make out what he’s saying at 28:03

“a thriving society of followers of the true saviour. his entangled (?) limbs danced around my bedroom. i held my breath. and waited for it to stop. i was too scared.” then it glitched out from there, but i assume it repeated some of the stuff already said???

hey stinky.

[ 𝟐𝟖:𝟐𝟗 — 𝟑𝟏:𝟐𝟗 ]

OMG HEY EVELINNNNNNN.

omg wait she’s looking for thatcher. 😰😰😰 oh dear oh me oh my.

(29:48–30:00) GOD these long pauses are unsettling as hell SKSKSK.

(30:06) thatcher?? hello sir. i guess my earlier thought about him being dead was wrong SKSKSK. BUT IM GLAD(?) AT LEAST? i’d miss him for real. ALSO HEY DAVES BACKKKKKKKK.

dave sounds like he’s been crying. i mean i could be completely wrong and it’s probably just the audio editing but man.

“how much of that was really worth it though” i mean he got a point.

“find a new meaning in life” the fact that he’s saying that to THATCHER hits.

[ 𝟑𝟏:𝟑𝟎 — 𝟑𝟏:𝟑𝟒 ]

malignance. alex here again with the SAT words 😩😩

[ 𝟑𝟏:𝟑𝟓 — 𝟑𝟐:𝟏𝟒]

Evelin’s sitting at Thatcher’s desk, oooooooooo

MISS MA’AM WHY ARE YOU LOOKING THROUGH HIS DRAWERS SKSKSK.

[ 𝟑𝟐:𝟏𝟓 — 𝟑𝟑:𝟒𝟕 ]

i love the cgi and backgrounds and shit. gives me early black and white movie vibes. or even some later films and edward scissorhands beats.

OMG DAVE. IS AT THE CHURCH?? oh shit that means i’ve gotten to the moment everyone’s RAVING about.

O’Brien’s become an alternate hasn’t he. the inflection in his voice is off.

(33:25) IM SORRY? DID THE HEAVEN’S THEMSELVES JUST FUCKING OPEN? HELLO?

[ 𝟑𝟑:𝟓𝟎 — 𝟑𝟓:𝟏𝟓 ]

FUCKING GABRIEL IS BACK AHHHHHHHHHHHH. idk how to feel about this disney villain ass voice though.

(33:56) ew i hate featureless figures so much HHHHHHH THE SCARE FACTORS ARE STILL HERE

bro gabriel really is the joker rn good lord SKSKS. but him impersonating O’Brien’s(?) voice. AHHHHHH

omg wait, ive been seeing things say that dave offed himself (which is likely true) but im gonna assume that the dark substance running from his eyes is blood?? in my head that IMMEDIATELY makes me thing of how you should never look an angel(?) in the eye (i think thats the thing), because you won’t be able to comprehend it. even though he 99% offed himself i think to thing he died from looking gabriel in the eyes.

okay i take that back there’s blood pooling from his head. he likely threw himself off a ledge or smth.

also hi gabey wabey would you be interested in maybe. NOT? DOING THIS?

[ 𝟑𝟓:𝟏𝟔 — 𝟑𝟕:𝟎𝟗 ]

oooo we got evelin lookin through some filessssss. and theyre ADAM’S FILES, OOOOOOOOOO.

okay so adam is also 21. gotcha gotcha. so adam was 4 when he was yoinked through the TV.

OH! adam didn’t react to anything on the toddler stress assessment? oh jeez. this kid’s got some guts ig idk. SKSKS.

(35:59) BRO DID SOMEONE LOCK EVELIN IN? THOSE LEVERS ARE FOR LOCKS, RIGHT, or maybe alarms or smth idk.

oh shit oh shit.

“Mr. Davis?” LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT.

(whoever) SET OFF THE ALARM?? MANNNNNNNNNNNNNN. alarm systems are scary as hell dude my god. got me thinking of purge sirens.

OH HELLLLLLL NO. i really like the use of the spinning siren lights to create atmosphere though. vv nice <3

[ 𝟑𝟕:𝟏𝟎 — 𝟑𝟗:𝟎𝟗 ]

omg the messaging sequences are back. and SOMEONE’S BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT HIM? HELLO?

“Hello! We have been trying to contact ADAM MURRAY. Is this you? Please confirm YES or NO” “Hello! We have been trying to contact ADAM MURRAY. Is this you? Please confirm YES ”

unsettling as hell.

OH! HELLO THERE!

STANLEY??? YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT THIS WAS STANLEY THIS WHOLEEEEEEE FUCKING TIME?? AHHHHHHHHHH.

“with contorted flesh and broken bones i made myself known” aw he just wants a friend SKSKSK.

“your skin is not your own” UM!!!! also ngl i never expected him to be so gentle with the children he takes.

“you are not the real you.” SIR?!?!?! SIRRRRRR??

[ 𝟑𝟗:𝟏𝟑 — 𝟒𝟎:𝟓𝟑 ] ; 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬

uh. wow okay. SKSKS. THERE WAS SO MUCH IN HERE AND I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. which i will try to compile in an actual post that isn’t my own brain dumb. <3. but uhh

“I deceived them. the mandela prophet. it begins today” wow thats cryptic. then pictures of ADAMS FACE? HHHHHH. okay anyways if you made this far ily. <3

[anxious-allie-ren]

Miscalculation

Hey cuties! So, I have started writing fanfiction! I have been posting on both AO3 and Wattpad. Both links are in my linktree in my bio! But, I’d like to share my first one-shot here. Let me know what you all think!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let's be honest, The Finalizer is boring.

Not a, "Oh, it's a calm day with nothing to do, kind of boring." But more like, "I'm trapped on a steel death ship in the vacuum less mass of space" kind of boring.

Okay maybe that's because you are trapped. You have been trapped for what feels like months. In reality, it's been a few weeks and you're really close to going insane.

It was a small error that landed you here. A tiny miscalculation that landed you on the path of Snoke's little apprentice. Should you have double checked to make sure you had enough fuel to get back to D'Qar? Yes. Did you? No. Instead you waste your credits on some shitty fried food at the docking station on Coruscant and take off. This leaves you stranded on Jakku. Luck was clearly on your side that day because this was the exact day Snoke's dog sent his bitches out on a mission. There you are, in your X-Wing with what seems like the biggest bullseye on you.

It doesn't take them long to sniff you out. You're ripped out of the cockpit by a knight in an all black mask with long shields placed on either side. The knight drops you to the ground and you can immediately see you're outnumbered. Six large armored men have circled you. Okay, so the blaster you're pointing at the one who man-handled you probably wasn't going to do shit. But that doesn't stop you from holding your ground.

"I am not afraid to shoot. I will blast you all right now."

This earns a chuckle from the group. That first knight speaks up.

"You're stranded on this sand pile with no fuel. I doubt you have enough plasma to shoot half of us."

You huff at his comment but stand your ground, keeping the blaster pointed at him.

"Trudgen, just grab her and let's get back to the mission. Master can decide what to do with her."

You take note of that fucker's name as two of the other knights haul you up by your arms roughly. You're dragged to the ugliest ship you've ever seen in your life and thrown in a dingy compartment.

"We'll be back rebel scum. Don't try anything." Trudgen said as he placed your blaster on his belt. Not like he has enough weapons strapped to his body or anything. You roll your eyes and try to sit in a spot that isn't covered in dust.

"No promises."

And that's how you ended up on the Finalizer. You made the journey here hell for the knights. You did eventually learn the rest of their names after eavesdropping on their conversations. When you arrived Vicrul and Ap'lek placed your hands in binders and led you to an interrogation room. After you were strapped into the interrogation chair the knights made their way to leave.

"Uh, excuse me? Where the fuck are you guys going? You can't just strapped me in to this stupid chair, way too tightly might I add, and then leave without saying anything!"

Vicrul and Ap'lek share a look and then turn towards you.

"We aren't the ones interrogating you, scum. Master is interested in you." Vicrul says, shrugging his shoulders.

"I have no idea why. Not much to be interested in." Ap'lek mutters as he turns to leave again.

You rolled your eyes as both knights leave the room. So you would be getting the honor of meeting Snoke's apprentice. Wonderful. From what you learned being in the Resistance, Kylo Ren was an overgrown toddler with a laser sword. So the likelihood of you coming out of this interrogation alive was small.

You probably sit strapped to that stupid chair for hours before Commander Ren decides to stroll on in. He comes through the door swiftly, feet pounding on the ground loudly. He stops in front of you and gives you a quick once-over. The mask finally meets your eyes.

"Are we just going to stare at each other? Or are we going to get this over with?"

Kylo ball his hands into fists and begins to circle the interrogation chair.

"I don't think you are in any position to ask questions right now. What were you doing on Jakku?"

"Your little boy band didn't fill you in already? I got stranded on that shitty planet. Didn't exactly go there by choice."

He stops in front of you again.

"And why did you get stranded?"

You immediately think back to your little error. You feel even more stupid looking back on it. Admitting to it is not something you were looking to do right now. What the fuck was the point of this? Was he really just going to ask you trivial questions? You figured Snoke would have taught him better than this if he's really so powerful.

Kylo leans down quickly, grabbing the sides of the chair by your head. The sudden movement makes you jump, wrists smacking against the restraints.

"I can hear all of your thoughts. It would be wise to watch what you think. Now answer the question."

Of course he can hear your thoughts. He's a fucking force user. Rookie mistake on your part really. But the idea of him actually hearing every thought you think does unnerve you.

"I ran out of fuel. Had to make an emergency landing, okay? Is that answer good enough for you?"

Kylo finally leans back up. He stares down at you and even though he's wearing that stupid fucking mask you can just tell he's got a judgemental look on his face.

"What kind of pilot runs out of fuel?"

You begin to argue back but he stops you.

"Not a very good one. A good pilot would have checked that they had enough fuel to get to their next destination. A good pilot wouldn't have spent all of their credits."

"Listen you fu-"

"A good pilot would have landed near a fueling station, not in the middle of nowhere. But I guess that's my point. You aren't a good pilot. Another useless member of the Resistance. So breaking you down is going to be easier than I thought."

All you could do was stare at him. He read your thoughts. He already knew everything. He wanted to embarrass you, make you feel small. It worked for a second. But if you were going to die today, you weren't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing your embarrassment.

You square your jaw and look right into the eyes of his mask.

"That's where you're wrong, buddy."

Kylo leans down so his mouthpiece is by your ear and whispers, "We'll see about that, little one."

He stands back up and stomps out of the room quickly. Leaving you feeling shocked, angry, and oddly aroused.

____________________________

So to everyone's surprise you did not die that day. Instead Kylo had you placed in a cell and that's where you've been for weeks. Stormtroopers come and feed you or take you to a refresher to bathe. Commander Ren has stopped by a few times since your original meeting. Nothing much has come of those ones either. Mostly him staring at you and asking trivial questions. Which just agitates you.

You can't seem to figure him out. He hasn't asked anything regarding the Resistance. What is the point of keeping you prisoner if he isn't going to get any useful information from you? It doesn't sit well with you.

When he doesn't visit you're left alone. Staring at the same four walls does get boring eventually. You've taken to sitting near the door and trying to listen to the stormtroopers conversations. Sometimes bucket heads spill some interesting tea. You learned last week that General Hux once got a boner after getting choked by the Commander.

That's what you're doing currently. Listening to the chatter when you suddenly hear the distinct pounding of boots. The last you knew, the Commander was away on a mission with the knights. As the footsteps draw closer you move quickly to your feet and back away from the door. Kylo strides through the door, chest heaving and fists clenched. You can feel the anger rolling off of him. So you're guessing his little adventure didn't go so well.

His hand flies up quickly, using the force to choke you.

"How many times do I have to tell you to watch your thoughts?"

Okay, so he heard you. You really gotta work on monitoring that. Wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of a toddler tantrum.

Just as the thought crosses your mind you're dragged across the floor towards Kylo. Your toes just barely touching the ground as you move. His hand wraps around your throat and he leans his masked face down into your own.

"I've given you far too many warnings. Now you're going to be punished."

Your eyes go wide as you look up into the soulless mask. This is it. This is where you die. You're going to die at the hands of this fucker and even worse, you're turned on.

Kylo spins you around and pins you to the wall. He kicks your feet apart using his boot, shoving his knee between your legs. You feel his thigh rub against your core. It takes all your self control to stop yourself from grinding down on it. He can feel the arousal pouring from your body.

He pulls his hand from your neck and leans back.

"I'm afraid you're enjoying this too much, little one."

You take a deep breath to steady yourself, to no prevail of course. You can feel your heart hammering in your chest. But the anger from this whole situation has begun to build. You're sick and tired of being in this cell. You're enraged by his trivial fucking questioning. And now, he's teasing you. You've had enough of it. You are not going to be his toy.

"I'm not enjoying anything. Im stuck in this stupid cell guarded by bucket heads. You've done nothing but ask me useless fucking questions. What is the point of this? Why keep me around if I have no use?"

You watch as he reaches up quickly and yanks the mask off. You weren't sure what you were expecting. But it wasn't that. When you imagined the Commander of the First Order, you pictured some burnt deformed old man. Not a hot ass guy with perfect fucking hair.

He throws the mask off to the side and glares down at you.

"You've certainly got a use and now you're going to fulfill it."

Suddenly, you feel the most glorious swirling against your clit. You gasp and try to squirm away from him. He pins you harder against the wall and begins kissing up your neck. You begin to feel the pressure building just as he starts to remove your shirt.

"Fuck, I don't know what you're doing. But don't stop." You pant out.

Just as the words leave your mouth the swirling stops.

"What the actual fuck?"

"You didn't think I'd just let you cum, did you? This is a punishment."

That is the final straw. You were so close to ecstasy. So close to release. You have had enough of this little twat. You collect yourself and use all the strength you can to push him away from you.

"Enough fucking games. I'm not some toy to be played with. Either show me the reason I'm still here or kill me already!"

Commander Ren is quick. If you weren't aware of his position, you'd think he was a bounty hunter with how fast he can move. So fast in fact, that he has you pinned face down on your shitty cot before you can think. You're bent over with your hands held in his fist behind you. You try to squirm but only end up grinding your ass back into him. Either that's his lightsaber or he's really excited to see you.

"Who is the general of the Resistance?"

The question catches you off guard. Why the fuck is he asking you his trivial questions now? Of all fucking times. He certainly knows the answer to this one, so what's the point of this?

You must have been stuck in your thoughts for too long, because a strong slap comes across your left ass cheek. The sound echoes throughout the tiny cell and you're certain the stormtroopers outside heard it.

"Answer the question."

"Uh, General Organa. She's your mom, right?"

Stupid response. He grabs a fist full of your hair and yanks your head back. He growls in your ear, "I would advise you shut the fuck up. Stop being a little brat and cooperate or this will only get worse."

Kylo releases your hair and holds you down with the force. He yanks down your pants, revealing your slick soaked panties to the room. Kylo looks down and smirks.

"You're drenched. Bent over and pussy wet for the enemy. What kind of pilot would do that?"

He lands another hard slap to your right cheek this time. Giving it a small kneed afterwards.

"Oh that's right. Not a very good one."

You try to move against the force hold but it's no use. He's got the upper hand here. But you're not going to let him degrade you like that.

"That's rich coming from Snoke's little bitch."

His fist is back in your hair and his other grabs your hip, pulling you back against him. He grinds himself into you and groans out, "You're going to regret that, little one."

Kylo pulls himself away enough to pull down your panties. You feel his gloved finger glide through your slick down to your bundle of nerves. You gasp and wiggle your hips back towards him trying to gain more friction.

"What is your squadron?"

Not this bullshit again. He's playing with your pussy and asking you these dumbass questions? He pulls his hand away and lands a slap to your pussy, causing your legs to shake.

"I hate repeating myself, so answer the fucking question."

Your head is spinning and your pussy is clenching around nothing. You have no clue what the point of these questions are but you'll do anything to get him to touch you again.

"Blue Squadron! Fuck."

Kylo's hand comes back to you, this time bare. He begins rubbing slow circles around your nub, applying the perfect amount of pressure.

"Now that's a good girl. Keep answering your Commander and you'll get rewarded."

"You're not my fucking commander." You gasp as he inserts two thick fingers into your needy hole. "My commander is Poe Dameron."

You realize what you've said after it's too late. It's not exactly classified information. But it's certainly not something you should be sharing with the enemy. You've got to get it together if you're going to make it through this little visit.

"Dameron, hm? Interesting."

You hear the sound of his belt buckle and zipper coming undone. He releases his long, girthy cock from the confines of his pants. It lands on your ass as Kylo grabs hold of both your hips.

"Are you ready for your punishment? I'm going to destroy this little cunt."

You arch your back, pushing your ass up. "I really doubt that. But you can try."

With our warning, Kylo buries his whole length in your wet heat. You gasp as he knocks the air out of your lungs, taking you by surprise. He begins thrusting into you at a slow pace, taking his time. You can feel every glorious inch of him, from tip to hilt.

You moan out and wiggle your hips, trying to get him to speed up. "If you're going to punish me, you'll have to try harder than this."

He snarls at your comment, squeezing your hips and picking up the pace. The little cell is filled with the sounds of your breathy moans, his grunts, and skin slapping. You get so lost in the pleasure you nearly miss him speaking to you.

"Where is the Resistance base?"

You almost answer. You almost let that information slide, forgetting where you are and whose cock is buried inside you. But then it all clicks. He's trying to distract you for information. Nice fucking try Commander Cunt.

"Fuck off."

Kylo grunts and releases one of your hips to instead grab a fistful of your hand. He yanks your head back and forces your back to arch further, making his cock reach deeper inside your pussy. Kylo begins pounding into you, each thrust hitting your sweet spot.

"Where the fuck is the Resistance base?"

Your moans are loud at this point. You couldn't care less about the stormtroopers outside hearing you. This all feels too good. But you aren't going to give in to him this easy. The resistance is counting on you. You are not some weak pilot that gives in to this moody bitch.

"Fuck. Off." You moan out in response.

Kylo's other hand leaves your hip and snakes down your front. He begins rubbing fast circles against your clit. You scream as you feel the pressure beginning to build again.

"Tell me where the fucking base is, pet."

You scream out in pleasure and frustration. You're so close. Just teetering on the edge. You so badly want to let go. So you crack.

"Fuck! Fine! D'Qar! The resistance base is on D'Qar! Please just let me come! Please!"

Kylo smirks, knowing he's won. He picks up the pace on your clit and groans out, "That's right, now be a good girl and cum all over my cock."

That was all you needed. You screamed in ecstasy, "Yes, fuck Kylo!"

Your pussy clenched around him as you came, your juices covering him. Kylo grunted, fucking you through your orgasm.

Soon after you came down from your high, you felt his cock twitch inside you. Kylo quickly pulled out of you and yanked you up by your hair.

"On your knees and mouth open, rebel bitch."

You quickly dropped to your knees and did just as he said, closing your eyes. Kylo pumped his cock over your face, using your slick and cum as lube. He threw his head back and let out a feral groan. Strings of his milky seed covering your face.

Once he was finished, you swallow what had gotten in your mouth and began wiping the rest off your face, licking it from your fingers. Fuck he tastes delicious. When you could finally open your eyes, he was already by the door. He had tucked himself away and put his glove back on. Kylo grabbed his helmet and looked back at you.

"Just as I thought. You're a useless Resistance member. So easy to destroy."

You sit there stunned by his words, letting everything that had just happened sink in.

"It has been fun breaking you, little one."

With one last look, Kylo places his helmet back on his head and walks out of the cell.

You stare at the door and replay his words. Maybe you were a shitty Resistance member. Others probably wouldn't have broken that easily, or at all. But with some of his cum drying on your face and a satisfied feeling, you can't find it in you to care.

You're secretly hoping Commander Ren needs more information. You might come to enjoy his little visits.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope everyone enjoyed! If you all are interested, I can post on here more. Let me know! 

[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[vvanini]

whats your favorite obscure hc about each of the losers?

Fucking perfect thank you

1- Mike he reads books or articles like “how to understand woman”, “why women like jerks”, not because he wants to woo woman or is a nice guy or anything but just because he thinks it’s interesting

I don’t think he’d date anyone

Gives great dating advice tho

Reads manga Likes Junji Ito

“The manga/book was better” kind of guy

I don’t know why but I feel like he’d be this ENTP-ish dude who likes to gather information about a lot of useless things and likes to debate He likes film and game theories Watches MatPat for sure

Also he likes The Walking Dead and… zombies in general

Also I’m sorry but he likes Quentin Tarantino and Wes Anderson

He likes grindhouse movies and appreciates the gory details but is chill about it Likes cinematography in general

Watches video essays about movies

2- Richie

Unlike Mike, Richie isn’t chill about gory details and whenever someone gags while watching a movie he goes “You think that’s disgusting??? Lmaoooo that’s nothing.”

He’d be the type of guy who brags about being immune to disturbing shit

Google searches include “top ten disturbing movies of all time” “scariest movies ever” “movies worse than a serbian film”

Still likes pink guy and thinks Joji is a genius

Unironically loves the song “I Love Sex” by Pink Guy and listens to it at least once everyday

Uses Discord a lot

Always starts studying on the last day

I think he’d like history

Not like Mike tho, he just likes textbook history and world wars etc

Plays Hearts of Iron and League of Legends

Also :) he likes to code

he is a Linux >>>>>>>>>> Windows kinda guy

Likes breaking bad

And Rick and Morty

Understands politics really well

His music taste is… anime opening songs

Evangelion especially

Likes science fiction books

Pretends to be a flat-earther/conservative/anti-vax for the meme

3- Ben

LIKES BACKSTREET BOYS

and boy bands in general

he is old school and still carries an mp3 around

Doesn’t use spotify, he illegally downloads songs like a champ :D

Likes story rich games

Especially RPG’s. He really likes Planescape Torment and Baldur’s Gate

Kinda lame about women, like he hears Jordan Peterson say something like “the eternal image of the divine feminine” or some shit like that and he goes “wow poetic. agreed”

Doesn’t read “How to woo women” books like Mike but thinks about it a lot that’s for sure

Likes Audrey Hepburn

And Steinbeck

Saves different versions of the same song to his mp3. “The Less I Know The Better but you’re crying in a bathroom” “The Less I Know The Better Slowed & Reverb Listen With Headphones” “The Less I Know The Better Nightcore”

Shares playlists with Eddie

ALWAYS. ALWAYS waits for the person who’s tying their shoes

He notices if someone is walking behind the group alone and walks back to accompany them

If no one laughs at your joke, he does

Bleached his hair once and regretted it immediately Writes poetry in his free time and makes Stan proofread it

Into psychology

Hands always in pockets

Probably owned lots of lego sets as a kid

People go to him for dating advice because he is seen as this “romantic guy”, I mean he is but he gives terrible dating advice

4-Stan

He likes geography

Literally knows all the flags in the world and all the capitals

Blindfold him and give him a country name, he can show you exactly where it is on the map

Also he plays those google earth games where you get a random location and try to find out which country you’re in/ or try to find the nearest airport

Also I feel like he’d like planes a lot

Idk he just likes things that fly lol. Birds, planes etc.

Likes to read classics

LOVES H. P. Lovecraft

carries little poetry books with him everywhere and reads them he’s so cute

Dark academia is his aesthetic

Can play the piano

Likes to read Ben’s poetry :D

Dark humor

His ringtone is Le Festin :)

Has an instagram account but never posts, just watches people’s stories

Very photogenic tho.

He’s a man of culture. He likes visiting aquariums and museums

Hates zoos tho, thinks it’s evil to cage animals

Also I don’t know how to explain it but… He just likes to decorate his place? Like to the clubhouse he’ll bring stuff he likes and just quietly claims a corner as his own and make it as comfortable as he can

Has...beautiful hands

you know how some people cut the cothing labels because it irritates the back of their neck? Stan does that with everything he buys

5- Eddie

Likes Backstreet Boys because of Ben

Replies to texts immediately. Communication and social interaction gives him serotonin

I have no idea why but I feel like he’d have an obsession with Tekken and his favourite character is Ling Xiayou

Big fan of classic playstation games. Loves Spyro, Crash Bandicoot and Ratchet and Clank

He likes wearing long sleeves under t shirts

Listens to emo music, stares out the window and imagines scenarios matching the song he’s listening to

He considers MCR to be emo btw. Loves G note memes

Likes astrology

Can’t watch horror movies, and gets teased by Richie about it

However he likes media that is presented as funky/funny/happy but is actually depressing/disturbing

He likes courtroom dramas

Wears sunglasses indoors for no reason

Probably likes fallout and metro games

Has a collection of finger skateboards

#weirdcore #oddcore #nostalgia #grunge

buys and wears random college sweatshirts

Hates and loves study groups, hates it in the sense that he can’t focus on anything and just wants to hang out and talk, loves it in the sense that he CAN hang out with his friends and talk

Romanticizes everything

6- Bill

Has lots of taurus energy and is sleepy all the time

Has major Leonardo DiCaprio in The Basketball Diaries vibes

Dresses effortlessly

And likes basketball lol.

He just has… boy energy. If that makes sense. Boy next door

Likes to draw his friends

posts his drawings on Instagram

Has lots of OC’s but doesn’t know they’re called OC’s, just refers to them as “this character I created”

He likes being praised a lot ngl

His taste in memes is very similar to Richie’s

You know how they put a random word on top of a random image and it doesn’t make sense at all. He laughs at things like that. Like Richie sends him something like this:

ME WHEN I WHEN

[image of monkey]

BOTTOM TEXT

and he thinks it’s funny and loses his shit im sorry

Like someone sends a picture of Keanu Reeves to the groupchat and texts “g” and he thinks it’s funny???? He sees a picture of a cow in the backrooms and starts choking

He memorized every line in Boneless Pizza and can quote it wihtout stuttering. Like he would be sitting alone talking to himself saying shit like “ya pizza. Watchu want. 2 liter machine broke we got one liter tho. fuck you mean B.”

Never answers calls? Doesn’t like talking on the phone. He just has “Don’t fucking call me when you can text!!” energy

phone is always on silent mode

doesn’t do anything but attracts people anyway

7- Bev

Likes musicals

Theatre kid

Chews gum a lot

And swallows them :(

Likes cottagecore

Buys notebooks with cute covers but can never fill them so she just gives them to bill who turns them into sketchbooks

I think she’d give advice or reaussure people in a way that sounds kinda rude but isn’t really? Like she tells it like it is. Blunt

Likes Avatar The Last Airbender

Sense of humor is:

[Picutre of the fox from Zootopia]

why is he hot help 😭😭😭

wears baggy clothing + long skirts

[eathumane]

ok, i’ve got hypothetical questions for a world that has accessible cannibalization.

how would you propose to monitor the hypothetical commercialization of cannibalism and keep it ethical? do you think certain races/ethnicities/minorities would be targeted/enslaved/illegally harvested by mass corporations overseen by the government? because that sounds like some shit they’d do, they’ve done worse. how would you prevent that? what if there’s a mass food shortage, would there be an edible draft for the old & disabled to get nommed?

and would foetuses count towards meat too? i mean, they’re used in skincare & people eat placenta already. who (the willing who want to be cannibalized) would be eligible for harvest? as in, medical assistance in death (MAID) has very particular prerequisites, would you have to be government approved? would it be the same as donating your body to science?

what do you think the impact would be on loved-ones of the deceased to know they were eaten and not put to rest as per their religion/spirituality/tradition? because the choice being widened from science, burial or cremation to include cannibalism is a huge jump. funerals would also be shorter due to shelf life, if existent at all. how would you circumvent that?

do you think people would try to dodge the og war draft by eating their fingers? actually, would fingers count towards meat/sustenance or be just a simple mutilation? also this sounds like a really good way to get a prion disease. im genuinely curious how deeply youve thought into this pipeline.

Oh, these are all really interesting questions First of all there is no ethical consumption under capitalism as we Know. I genuinely believe that almost no part of the current food industry is ethical much less the meat industry specifically, so I don't trust corporations to dole out human meat. I think the most ethical way to do a culling and eating process is as personally as possible, and that extends to all animals- like a human friend that you know, or a pig that you've raised. Food will be more ethical when you can look over it. Accessibility is more about the lack of legal restrictions- and the idea of cannibal cafes of a sort.

Obviously, giving a monetary incentive for donating part or all of your body could draw issues with consent for those who are in poverty, so I can't think of any real reason someone might donate part of themselves other than... they just don't need that part. Or maybe it's something they've just always wanted to do, for some reason? Lord knows people have their fantasies. But it's also a place were ethical autoanthropophagians could have part of themselves removed by a medical professional in a sterile environment with sterile equipment for use cooking later, or where two people who have agreed upon a partial meat removal could go.

I don't have a great answer for the foetus thing actually, I never really thought about it. I guess in some ways, eating the placenta IS ethical anthropophagy already. Probably about as far as I would push that personally, but it all depends on where you draw the line of life beginning.

This might sound a little bit rude, but I've never really cared how the families would feel about it? If the person was able to consent to such a thing, then it was entirely their own business. I would be just as upset if someone was barred from cremation because their family wanted a burial- it's not exactly their place to decide that, and they need to cope with their dislike of it on their own terms. Plus, people who want to be cannibalized after death would probably need to meet some really specific standards due to the preservation and safety of the meat itself- it might be reserved for the older folk who know they aren't staying around long. I think MAID is a pretty good comparison for it, although I don't know much about the requirements myself- I'll have to look into it when it isn't 3 In The Am, but they're fairly similar situations with just different outcomes after the fact.

You're really only at risk of prion disease if you're eating the meat of someone ELSE with prion disease, OR you're eating the brain. Eating any organic thing possibly affected by rot or disease requires a certain amount of inspection beforehand.