#so a mix of hurt and happiness would have been appropriate i think

[maebird-melody]

I am making my friend watch the new Superman show with me and we just watched the most recent episode with Doctor Ivo. At the end, Jimmy is sad because his two best friends walk off all romantically into the sunset. I think nothing describes difference between the aroace and allo experience better than our very different responses to that scene.

My response was that Jimmy’s needs as a friend were clearly being disregarded in favor of the “more important” romantic feelings developing between Clark and Lois. And despite him shipping the two of them, it doesn’t change that it always hurts when you get third wheeled or left out by your closest friends. But I was confident that once the romantic tension settled and the three of them had a chance to talk, Lois and Clark would start making space for their friend again.

Meanwhile, my allosexual friend’s response was that “they need to give Jimmy somebody.” That the way to cure his sadness was to give him a romantic partner. Which was a response that shocked me, considering that my friend is very on board with my desire to maintain our close friendship after their marriage while not pursuing a romantic relationship myself.

And I cannot stress enough that finding a romantic partner cannot be the only solution to feeling sad when your best friends get together. What kind of message does that send to asexual or aromantic people? That you will lose all your friends to romance and you won’t have any fulfilling relationships yourself unless you also get with the program?

I am curious to see which direction the show takes this, but Jimmy seems like a prime candidate for either ace or aro representation. I hope that this can be a moment to help people untrain the knee-jerk response that romance isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution to relationship ills.

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

[vettelsvee]

BEE HOTELS | Sebastian Vettel

f1 masterlist | wattpad | ao3 | requests or let's talk!

sebastian vettel x wife!journalist!reader

summary: seb's suzuka biodiversity project goes according to plan... or will he have some surprises that he might reject at first?

word count: 1983

warnings: none of it really! just seb being the standard, as i always write him (almost always, oops). use of y/n y/l/n

taglist: @celemilii bc i wrote this for her as a birthday present! i recommend you to read her works bc she's just like me: we write about the oldies.

© VETTELSVEE (2024). please, do not steal, copy or translate my works. thanks for reading!

The painting in yellow and black tones increasingly filled his hands. Sweat dripped from his forehead, not only due to the sun that was blazing that day in Suzuka but also because of the stress he was feeling to ensure that the project turned out as planned: flawlessly.

Sebastian had spent months not only brainstorming and meticulously preparing for that Japanese Grand Prix weekend but also dedicating himself wholeheartedly the night before to build each of the hotels that his former colleagues were now painting.

He was exhausted, but the feeling of happiness he was experiencing at that moment was immense. The conversations among the other drivers couldn't be more positive. They seemed to be enjoying the process, constantly sharing laughter and jokes among them as they continued with their task the best they could.

While the German was focused on ensuring that everything was going perfectly, he could gradually see, out of the corner of his eye, a figure he knew perfectly well in any form.

"Y/N, what are you doing here?" 

Her husband's tone surprised Y/N, who lowered her arms, disheartened, knowing that the hug she was about to give would most likely not be reciprocated.

"I came to see you. What else would I do?" replied the journalist, ignoring Seb's behavior. "And to interview you too, but you already know it."

The blonde frowned, feeling a bit confused by the situation. Interview him? How could there be nothing he wouldn't know?

"Interview me?" he innocently asked.

"Didn't Britta tell you?"

Sebastian shook his head once again. Y/N’s gaze shifted to Roeske, who averted his eyes at the mess he knew he had caused with the couple. The former driver's PR knew that if he had said anything beforehand, Seb would have likely rejected the offer and, most importantly, gotten upset. Besides, he knew that such a refusal would upset Mrs. Vettel, and that would end up in a pointless argument between the couple.

"Well, you know how Britta is. She didn't mention anything about interviewing me today, especially not by you. You know, with so many things she has to keep track of..." Vettel tried to excuse her.

The journalist shook her head and once again looked at the PR, seeking confirmation from his side. A single nod was enough to acknowledge that her client was right.

"Y/N, schön, we need to maintain professionalism," Vettel stated firmly, seeing that neither of the two women responded. "I don't think it's very appropriate to mix our personal life with the professional one. We've always done it this way, and we should..."

"To hell with professionalism, darling," she interrupted, raising her voice. "We've been pretending to be professional for too many years to keep doing it. You've been retired for almost a year, living the life you've always wanted with our children and me," she explained, trying to convince him. "It won't hurt if you let go and be yourself, if we just are ourselves."

Sebastian remained silent for a few seconds that felt eternal for the woman. He knew Y/N was right, he knew nothing would happen if they showed themselves as the couple they were in private, but his shyer side, the most introverted one, the one that wanted to protect his privacy above all and, above all, his family, felt a kind of fear that this would end up making him completely vulnerable to public scrutiny.

"Alright, let's do the interview," the German finally said, causing his wife to start hopping around before pouncing on him and kissing him all over his face.

"Where should we start, Mr. Vettel?"

"What about giving Mrs. Vettel a kiss?" he replied, playing along with the game the journalist had started. "You know, to help ease any tensions..."

Sebastian didn't need to say anything more for his wife to take his face in her hands and pull him towards her, giving him a kiss that lasted not only longer than they would have allowed on another occasion, but also longer than they themselves expected.

They ended up pulling away after a few seconds, just as they began to hear cheers, applause, and comments from the other drivers, who were watching the couple enthralled, as they had never shown themselves in such a way during their years in Formula 1.

"Carry on with what you're doing!" the four-time world champion shouted, trying not to sound angry. "I don't want anything left unfinished!"

Y/N couldn't help but blush and lower her head in embarrassment at all the attention she was drawing.

"Um... shall we start now, darling?" the journalist spoke again, trying to regain control of the situation.

"Yes, yes, of course. Go ahead, ask me anything."

She quickly pulled out her notebook, where she had written down a large number of questions to ask her husband as if she hadn't actually worked hand in hand with him on the project. She tried to maintain professionalism despite the still uncomfortable situation they were immersed in.

Seb, who seemed to notice how tense the woman was, decided to do things a little differently, although it was more than obvious that it took him some effort to take the first step.

Quickly and with trembling hands, he wrapped his right arm around his wife's waist and slowly guided her to sit on the ground next to him. She resisted at first because, deep down, she was also afraid to show herself as she truly was with the love of her life; but when she saw how the German also invited the cameraman who was filming them to sit on the ground, she knew there was no choice but to listen to the guy who initially meant nothing to her but ended up becoming her everything.

"More comfortable like this, right, schön?" Sebastian wanted to know, even though he already knew the answer.

"Yes, I think it will be more comfortable, darling," she replied, allowing herself to be guided by her husband's behavior, although once again blushing slightly.

With her head resting on his shoulder, the journalist took her notebook in her hands again, flipping through the page where she had the first question of what would undoubtedly be the most fake interview not only she had ever done but probably would do in her extensive career as a journalist.

"Well, let's start, darling. What inspired you the most to start this biodiversity project?"

"Well, as you know, I've always felt a special connection with nature and the environment. Do you remember the conversations we used to have, like, I don't know, about twelve or thirteen years ago?" she nodded. Of course, she remembered. How could she forget when he revealed to her how much the issue mattered to him at his home in Monaco, even before they had started dating? "I wanted to do something to show the importance of biodiversity, so these bee hotels seemed perfect to me."

"And why Suzuka, Seb?"

"Do you really need an answer to that question?" the man countered, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you already knew."

Now it was Y/N who looked less than pleased. Of course she knew why he had chosen Suzuka, it's just that the viewers, possibly, didn't.

"Suzuka is a very special place for me, both professionally and personally," the German continued. "This place has witnessed many important moments of my life, and I wanted to somehow give back everything it has done for me. Its people, I mean," he hastened to add. The journalist laughed at the incoherence of the response, earning herself a playful punch on the arm and some affectionate insults.

The interview continued in such a way that, more than a recording that would be broadcast on various media later, it seemed like one of those informal chats the couple used to have in their room, lying on the bed they both shared, after reading a story to their children and leaving them completely asleep.

Laughs, knowing looks, and even some intimate memories that ended up being revealed to the camera flowed effortlessly. Sebastian couldn't stop playing with Sally's hands and hair, caressing them so delicately that she seemed like a porcelain doll. The journalist, on her part, couldn't stop running her index finger up and down her husband's arm, writing invisible messages about how much she loved him.

"To finish I'd like to know something, darling. How was the process of designing and building each one of those bee hotels?"

"As you already know, and for those who are watching, I was lucky to work with a local carpenter yesterday. We worked on them all day long, and even part of the night. There are eleven in total: one for each team, and one for me," replied the German with a big smile.

His wife started laughing, and her lips twisted in a way that it wasn't hard for Vettel to recognize that his wife was hiding something.

"In fact, there are twelve, Seb," the journalist said with a playful tone.

"What do you mean twelve?" he asked, quite confused. "Love, you were there yesterday. There were eleven. One for each team, one for every two drivers, and another for..."

"I made one myself and I painted it too. Well... some parts are already painted because I asked the kids, secretly, to paint them so you could have a little piece of them here..."

The former driver was impressed by his wife's confession, and he couldn't help but feel emotional. Even a couple of tears threatened to leave his eyes when he saw Y/N, completely excited, getting up from the grass and fixing her clothes before reaching out her hand to him.

"What are you waiting for, Seb? Come on, you have to see it!"

Seb followed her, feeling a mix of very strange emotions after sharing life with this girl for so many years. When they arrived, they stopped in front of it, Britta taking photos from every possible angle and then starting a video call with the couple's children, who were staying with Seb’s parents.

"Schön, this is... God, I have no words. It's incredible."

Y/N smiled proudly before heading towards the structure and start explaining him everything.

"I've drawn us here, right in the front," indeed, there were two larger figures next to three smaller ones, surrounded by flowers and trees. "And here are the kids' drawings. Honestly, I don't know what they've drawn, but... I knew it would make you happy to have a little piece of them too."

The blonde bent down in front of the hotel made by his wife, examining it carefully as he traced with his fingers the strokes that Emily, Matilda, and Ben had made who knows when, and that seemed to have been well hidden. They were simple, clumsy, but he knew that behind them there was something much more important: the purest love he had ever experienced and that nothing and no one could surpass, not even his wife.

"It's wonderful, Y/N. You have no idea what this means to me."

Y/N could only approach her husband and give him a chaste kiss on the lips, not caring this time what happened next.

"I did it for you, Seb. I love you, we love you," she corrected herself, turning towards the mobile phone in front of them that Britta still held, referring to their children, who could be heard excitedly. "You are the sunshine of our lives and you deserve much more than this."

Sebastian didn't hesitate to, once again, kiss Y/N, and then hug her tightly, continuing to give her kisses on her temples.

"I wouldn't be the sunshine of your life if you weren't in it," he whispered in her ear. "You are the sunshine of my life. I love you, Y/N. Thank you for everything."

[ashintheairlikesnow]

I have a few statements to/ for a few of your OCs if you don’t mind!

To Chris: I just bought some off brand converse-like shoes that have dinosaur skeletons on them! They are so perfect and make me so happy, I think of Chris every time I look down at them!

To Chris and Jameson: It really sucks that both of your (I hate to use this term but this is what was used throughout the stories so it’s what I’m sticking with) owners died! I mean obviously that sucks much more for Jameson than it does Chris but we saw how much the news of Oliver’s death hurt Chris. I more or less ruined my own day thinking of Chris confiding in Jameson his complicated emotions regarding his passing. Like Jake’s reaction was totally appropriate and I think Jameson would have a similar one at first but also considering his own feelings when his “him” died. So yeah, I’ll just be over here sobbing in the corner at my own imagination if anyone needs me🥲✌️

To Jameson/Johnathan: please tell me that his and Hank’s last fight was not about that girl. Also please don’t tell me that Johnathan had something to do with Hank losing her number. As the younger bi sibling, I have actually ended up with one of my older siblings dates, and even though it was amicable at the time, if it did become an issue, and it was one of our last conversations, I could never get over that.

To future late 30’s Kauri: ENJOY THAT BATH ROBE AND EARLY BED TIME! That and your loving husbands companies are so much more meaningful than anything a night out could offer! I’m so proud of how far he’s come!

That’s all I can think of now but I very well may be back with more later! 🤠🫶

Oh as a bonus, this is for you, Ash: Thank you so much for the dedication to your characters and storylines, and backgrounds and world building. You are truly an amazing writer and you got some stones on you for actually posting it. I’m a pretty good writer too but I get screen fright and never end up posting, so I appreciate your bravery that allows us as your readers to enjoy and participate in the awesome world you have created.

<3 thank you anonnnn I struggle with imposter syndrome, so I totally get the fear of posting! I hope you try it out in the future, as the feedback and conversation has been really invaluable to me over the past few years.

For the Chris bit about shoes - Chris has those, too! If they're the same. From TOMS, black with colorful skeletons? He has those. He also has black and white ones where the bones glow in the dark.

For the combined Chris and Jameson bit: I think that Jameson would understand Chris's mix of affection and loathing really well, but struggle to express it. He really did LOVE Nanda, especially towards the end, but he also hated him sometimes, and so I think he could get that. But he was never afraid of Nanda the way Chris was afraid of Oliver. But I also think it would be a hard conversation and Jameson would probably eventually get angry and upset Chris and then it would turn into a big old angsty mess.

For the Jameson bit:

It wasn't about that girl! Jameson would tell you it was stupider than that. It was genuinely just the two of them being drunk and arguing about going home. Hank wanted to leave right then, Jameson wanted to hit up another bar. They fought about it, went their separate ways, and never saw each other again. And no, Jameson didn't lose her number - Hank just misplaced it. They found the note folded into a small scrap in his wallet when his body was located.

Kauri has never slept so well in his LIFE. Other than needing all of his pillows to be perfectly arranged, and sometimes he sleeps funny and then his neck hurts all day...

[joshuamj]

Thoughts on the Omori Manga

I was kind of generous with it, but overall? Mixed feelings, leaning toward negative. This is just the first chapter tho so who knows?

The Art: eh?

The scary parts are drawn well and there are some panels I quite like (the 2 below for example), but otherwise it often looks a little awkward/uncanny??

A big thing is, I think Sunny shouldve been drawn less expressive. He often looks a bit too... happy? Like its fine to draw him horrified and such when he's Going Through It, but he's drawn with those little white pupils a lot at the beginning, which make him look a lot like his younger, more carefree self

I think for the most part, he should've just been drawn like this:

It captures his vibe of Tired/Out of it/Depressed, much better

The Manga's Approach to the Story: not good for people new to Omori (imo), but has potential for an interesting retelling for previous fans

It was quite strange to start with the Real World rather than Headspace, but it could turn out interesting. It will definitely miss the impact of the game's storytelling, but they may still be able to make an enjoyable enough story out of it, yknow?

Doing it this way allows them to emphasize different things than the game. Like the battle with Aubrey, for example. It was so good in game since the player was so used to casually slicing away enemies with the knife, and the Aubrey battle served as a shocking wake up call. You can't knife people in real life like that! But I think no matter what. this couldn't have hit as hard in the manga regardless of if they did headspace first.

But what they did do in the manga was better emphasize Sunny's actual action of slicing Aubrey! Like Basil and Kel are appropriately alarmed and horrified that Sunny has just pulled a knife from nowhere and (quite badly) sliced their old friend with it.

I do, however, think they made it look way too deliberate on Sunny's part.

Like in game, it was more a mistake, while in the manga they seem to be going for Sunny being Extremely Traumatized and just lashing out, but then they portray it like this??

Like, maybe if they had Aubrey actually go after him with her nail bat while she was saying those cruel things, him drawing the knife would have looked more instinctual and a mistake. Here it just looks like he's ready to stab her in cold blood :/

The ending is sort of interesting tho. It does a fine job of showing how headspace is a sort of coping mechanism before we even see it, by having Sunny retreat there after slicing Aubrey.

Overall, I think there is potential in doing Realworld first, Headspace second, but I think it does miss out on a ton of the game's original impact and storytelling

Finally, Aubrey (tm): hot take maybe, but I lowkey like how she was portrayed?

Like, dont get me wrong, she was quite violent and it hurt seeing her legit hit basil with a nail bat, but it sort of works? in my opinion at least.

Shes been hurting for so long and she directs that hurt towards her old friends, and combined with her more aggressive personality, it doesn't seem too wildly out of character i think.

Plus, itll add some good Angst when she gets her moment with the gang and realizes how she's been acting. Like, girl, you are gonna feel sooooo bad for how you treated Basil and what u said to Sunny (character development!)

And it really helps that when she falls to the ground after getting sliced, pictures of Mari fall out of her pocket. It helps signal to the reader that Aubrey isn't just some horrible cruel person, but that there's something more at play

And the way she's collapsed almost looks like she could've collapsed out of grief, or is bowing deeply, and implies she's really hurting. Somehow they did Sunny so dirty with him standing over her with the knife, yet did so well with this Aubrey panel.

I think I just like the portrayal of someone who is very flawed in their grief without being some Big Evil Bad Guy, yknow. Like no, this is a hurting teenager lashing out and making mistakes.

End:

So yeah i managed to find a fair amount of things that have potential in the manga, but who knows if itll be followed thru on..

[hockeyboysimagines]

Bitter

Chapter 10

The wedding chapter

Warnings: possible language, weddings, alcohol.

This is it my friends! Bitter is officially over. This has been so fun to write. Thanks to all of you for continuing to read this even through my long hiatus I took. I couldn’t have finished it without all of your kind messages, and some inspirational words from my lovely friend @jostyriggslover96 . She’s the best. Enjoy! Let me know what you all think🤍🤍🤍

This gif is so appropriate and I can’t believe I found it Omg.

“Good morning best friend!” Ginny whispered excitedly that morning. Leighton smiled and sat up in bed. She was both nervous, happy, excited, anxious and absolutely starving, which was quite the mix of emotions at 6:30 am.

They would be meeting the girls for breakfast before hair and makeup, but she and Ginny had a sleepover. They’d spent hours talking, about everything that had happened. For a brief period in time, they were back to being 12, giggling about boys as they painted their toenails and did each others makeup. In all her life, Leighton didn’t think she would ever meet anyone as wonderful as her best friend. She was her saving grace, her platonic soulmate, and the strongest most courageous person she knew. But it was plain to see Ginny was hurting, even under the excitement of the wedding. They hadn’t spoken about Beau. Leighton would let Ginny decide when she wanted to talk, but wouldn’t force her.

“Your getting married today!” Ginny said as she clasped her hands excitedly under her chin, smile wide and bright.

Leighton smiled back and sat up, stretching “It still doesn’t feel real.”

Ginny shook her legs back and forth excitedly from where she was sitting. “It’s real Leighton. You’ve finally made it.” she reached forward and gripped her hand.

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” She gave it a squeeze and smiled. They busied themselves with showers, and getting their belongings situated before they left their hotel room. The others were already waiting for them in the hotel lobby, and they headed out together for breakfast and coffee.

Ginny thought about Beau, joining in the conversation but not really listening. She wasn’t ready to see him, but she also really wanted to. She’d not been in contact with him since her meltdown days prior and she wasn’t sure what seeing him was going to do to her. She would pull herself together for her friends of course, but she was having a hard time.

She knew Leighton could see her suffering, but like the true friend she was she didn’t ask. Leighton had always given Ginny space when needed it, and this was no different.

She pushed Beau from her mind and threw herself into breakfast. She would need many many mimosas to get through this day.

***********

“Happy Wedding day buddy!” Beau boomed cheerily, slapping Mat good naturedly on the back and rubbing his hands together “You ready?”

“Is that even a question?”

“Good because I’m fucking pumped. I’m actually excited for this one.”

“Speaking of. I want to thank you.”

Beau frowned “For what?”

“For everything guess. I know you didn’t want to be my best man last time and looking back I don’t blame you. I shouldn’t have put you in that position. And I appreciate every you’ve done for me and Leighton. Your my best friend.”

Beaus eyes softened and he smiled reaching forward to give him a hug “Don’t thank me Barz. Just do right by it and take care of your girl. Your life can only get better from here. Your getting married and soon you’re gonna be a dad, it’s so cool to watch this all unfold. Thanks for letting me see it all.”

Mat smiled and took a deep breath, brushing his hair off his face and turning towards his tux “Lets get going.”

************

“Lost. Leighton’s ankles. If found please call-“

“Oh stop you look beautiful.” Ginny said waving her hand as Leighton stared down at her feet. Her baby bump had popped finally and it was obvious she was pregnant now at this point. She looked ADORABLE, and though it was a bit of a squeeze she’d wiggled into her dress to make sure it still fit, and was now seated comfortably in a chair in her Bride robe, getting her hair done. Everyone else was mostly ready, and Lauren was already in her dress and shoes, assisting Sydney with her own dress. It felt like a movie she had been waiting to finish for some time, and she couldn’t believe it was finally coming to an end.

The girl doing her hair smiled at her in the mirror “You look amazing. How does it all feel?”

“Like a dream I thought might never come true.”

Ginny shook her head “No. This was always going to come true. You can’t stop this kind of love.”

***********

Mat and Beau dressed in their tuxes and were now making their way through the venue, stopping here and there to greet people who were arriving. It was packed to the brim with friends and family milling about and socializing.

“Oh my god there he is!” Mat turned and a surge of excitement went through him. Leighton’s mom was hurrying towards him, arms outstretched. He caught her in a tight hug, eyes closing. Leighton’s mom had been his number 1 fan from day 1. She’d pulled him into a very tight hug, much like the one she had him in now, and that was it. She’d been kind, and warm and felt like his own mom, who was miles away in Vancouver. She still looked the same, and very much like Leighton, the same bright smile now plastered across her face.

“Oh I’m so happy to see you.” She said quietly as she pulled away “Let me look at you.” She gripped each of his arms and smiled as her eyes moved over his face “Handsome as ever. Are you ready?”

“I’ve never been more ready. I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

“Me too. Feels like just yesterday she was coming home, gushing about the cute new boy who had walked her home.”

Mat blushed and chuckled half turning and pointing to Beau “This is Beau, my best man, Beau this is Leighton’s mom Gina.”

She swatted Beau’s extended hand away and pulled him into a hug too.

“It’s nice to meet you.” She said releasing him and giving his arm a squeeze. Her eyes moved over his face and then she smiled mischievously “I’m sure Ginny’s going to love walking down the aisle with you.”

Beau pursed his lips and shook his head “No don’t think she will.” He and Mat shared a small look and Leighton’s mom nodded, pursing her lips.

“Ah. I see. Ginny’s always been a heartbreaker.” She gave Beaus arm a squeeze “But she’s always had a tremendous amount of love for my daughter. Don’t give up on her too quickly.”

Beau pursed his lips and was quiet a moment before he answered “I’m not planning on it.”

Mat raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything. That would be a conversation for another time. Leighton’s mom called her dad over and they chatted for a minute or so, before the director called for Beau to head into the back room and Mat to make his way to the altar with his parents. His dad slapped him on the back and smiled.

“Are you ready?”

“I’ve always been ready to marry Leighton.”

“Congratulations son. I’ve never been more proud.”

As Beau separated from him and made his way to the back he started thinking about Ginny. The last time he’d been in this place was that first night he’d spent with her.

It seemed so long ago, and it floored him that something that had started so fast could crash and burn so hard.

He would never forgive himself for bringing Kerry to the party and he wouldn’t blame Ginny if she didn’t either. Given the chance he’d do everything over.

He’d go back to that night they spent here in Manhattan, get off that train and march right into Mat and Leighton’s apartment and tell them what happened. He’s give them a real chance to have something that didn’t need to be kept behind closed doors. He’d save all this heartbreak for both of them. Maybe things would be different.

Or maybe not.

Maybe they still would have crashed and burned. Maybe it really was just sex, and what he was feeling was just infatuation. Maybe they’d still be in this same position, not speaking, not anything. But maybe in another world they were something.

Something great.

*************

Ginny was buckling the strap on her heel, when she heard Leighton clear her throat. She turned to find the rest of the girls had left, leaving her and Leighton by themselves.

“Can you help me with my zip?” She asked turning to face the large mirror. Ginny reached forward pulling the zip up slowly as to not catch the fabric.

“I just wanted it to be us for a minute.” Leighton said quietly, looking at her feet “Ginny if anything happens to me I want you to take care of Mat.”

Ginny froze hands in midair, and pursed her lips shaking her head. She didn’t wanna talk about this. Not now. Not ever, but definitely not now “Nothing is gonna happen-“

“Ginny-“

“No Leighton. You shouldn’t talk like that.” She said as Leighton turned to face her. Ginny wanted absolutely nothing to do with this conversation. She’d been pushing it out of her mind, and talking about it out loud would only make it real. And if she lost Leighton she knew she would never recover. She may as well climb in the coffin after her because she’d have nothing left without her.

“Ginny listen to me.” She gripped both of her upper arms and held her there “Mat won’t talk about it and everyone else is completely avoiding it. I need you to hear me out.”

Although she didn’t want to, Ginny sniffled and nodded “Okay.”

“You are the best person I know, and the only one who I would ever want to take my place. I don’t think Mat could be alone, and I don’t want my baby growing up without a mom. And I don’t want you to be alone either. And if something happens to me I want you to raise my daughter.”

“But nothing is going to happen.”

“But if it does. I need you to do this for me, no matter what. Promise?”

“Okay. I-I promise. I’m just scared that’s all.” Ginny felt tears prick her eyes and she took a shuddering breath “I can’t do this without you.”

“I know. You know.” Leighton smiled at let out a breath, Ive spent my life surrounded by all these wonderful people, and I’ve finally made it here to this moment that I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for. But most importantly I’ve spent 16 years with my wonderful, incredible, beautiful best friend. And I’m-“ she started to cry “I’m just really scared that this is going to be it. That I’m going to miss everything.”

“If you leave me before we’re old and grey I will find you in the afterlife and beat your ass.”

Then they started to laugh and cry and Ginny groaned looking at the ceiling and wiping under her eyes “Your ruining our wedding makeup you bitch.” She said laughing.

Leighton too wiped under her eyes and took a deep breath “Ugh sorry.” Then she smiled “I love you Ginny.”

The door opened and Leighton’s mom leaned around the corner “Alright girls. Showtime.” She said with a smile.

“I love you.” Ginny whispered as they shared a tight hug and made their way, hand in hand, to the door. Ginny released her and left her with her dad, making her way around the corner the the double doors they’d be walking through when the procession started. She’d been so wrapped up in the day’s preparation she’d almost forgotten about Beau and all the events that had happened over the course of the last few weeks.

Almost.

But there he was. She felt her heart skip a beat when she saw him. He looked so good in his tux, a light scuff across his jaw, a favorite look of hers. He stopped speaking, half turning when he felt her staring at him and the expression in his eyes softened for a second. He turned to face her fully as the rest of the wedding party seemed to melt into the background as they came to stand in front of each other.

“Hey.” He said, dragging the toe of his shoe across the floor. She glanced up, and he expected her to be glaring at him but instead she gave him a small, slightly sad smile.

“Hey.”

“How are you?”

“Uhm. I’m okay. How are you?” She was gripping her bouquet, and looking at him with an expression he hadn’t seen before.

“I’m alright. Just uh-happy we made it here.”

“Me too.”

They stared at each other for a long moment before the wedding director clapped his hands and stage whispered “Showtime!” The music came on, and Beau looked at her and smiled, extending his arm.

“Come on. Let’s do this for real this time.”

She took it, and the doors opened allowing them to walk down the aisle together, smiling for photos. There wasn’t a face in the crowd that wasn’t smiling as they spilt at the end, and went to their respective sides. Beau gave Mat a gentle nudge, and they shared a smile. Mat was beaming, looking comfortable and confident, unlike how he’d been at his last wedding. The church quieted as a few notes of music played and everyone stood and turned to watch the bride.

The doors opened, and like a vision seen in a book about fairytales, Leighton appeared at the end of the aisle. Mat was open mouthed, staring at her in complete amazement as she started towards him, arm in arm with her dad.

“Wow.” He whispered, sharing a smile with Ginny and then Beau. Ginny felt tears spring to her eyes as she watched Leighton hug her dad, and then her dad hug Mat as he handed he off to him, Leighton smiled at her and reached to give her hand a squeeze before she turned to face Mat.

As the officiant began to speak about Love, selflessness, and sacrifice, and other words to describe a marriage Ginny made eye contact with Beau over Mat’s shoulder. He smiled at her.

Ginny felt a searing pain in her soul, and she realized what it was she was feeling. Her heart had been locked up so tight, for so long, that the pain was burning her alive inside. The weight and the overwhelming emotion that had been bubbling inside her for weeks was overflowing. The lock and key that had been constricting her heart for all these years was cracking apart and she felt like she was ready to burst as she stared at him for a few moments before she gave him a small smile back.

She listened as the officiant spoke about love, commitment, and selflessness. He spoke about marriage, and unity, and the undying love that would tie your souls together. Ginny felt tears brimming in her eyes as Mat and Leighton said their vows, promising to love and cherish one another. The tears in her eyes ran down her cheeks when they slipped rings on each others fingers and the officiant finally said the words she’d been waiting years to hear. The excitement in the room was palpable, so thick you could practically see it as everyone waited, holding their breath.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

A loud cheer went up from the crowd, and the wedding party as Leighton and Mat came together for their first kiss as husband and wife. They broke apart after a few moments, and everyone stood applause exploding amongst cheers, laughter and lots of happy crying.

Ginny felt a hot tear run down her cheek.

The movie she’d been watching her for years was finally over. The most perfect ending to the most perfect story.

***********

The atmosphere at the reception was perfect. There was laughter, and smiles everywhere. Ginny couldn’t remember a time where she’d felt more happy and at ease, especially not in recent months.

She’d only been forced to be around Beau a handful of times and had successfully evaded having to be alone with him, or with him at all really since they’d walked down the aisle. She missed him, and she did want to talk with him but it wasn��t about her today. She also wasn’t really sure what to say. She couldn’t put her feelings into words, and until she was able to she wasn’t going to try and have any conversations. She wasn’t good at making things up on the spot.

But the more she thought about him, the worse the ache in her heart felt. She’d washed her bedsheets the previous evening and noticed that they no longer smelled like his cologne. Even though she was mad at him, she’d gone to sleep every night breathing in his cologne that lingered on her sheets and it was almost like he was there with her. But it was gone now, just like him.

Ginny felt a presence at her shoulder and turned to find Leighton “I have to pee. Can you come help me please?”

“Of course.” Ginny stood following her to the bathroom and through it was tricky with both of them, plus Leighton’s baby bump in the small confines of the bathroom they’d managed to make it work.

“Your dreams have finally come, and I’m so proud of you.” Ginny said helping Leighton straighten her dress out in the back after she was done.

Leighton smiled at her in the mirror “They have. But what about your dreams Gin? Don’t you think maybe it’s time for them to come true too?”

**********

“Can I have your attention ladies and gentlemen. I’m told the maid of honor would like to make a speech.” Ginny stood, accepting a microphone and making her way across the floor under a spotlight. She cleared her throat and smiled.

“First I’d like to welcome everyone and extend my thanks for all of you being able to be here with us tonight. This is a day years in the making, and it’s just as special as I imagined it would be.” She took a deep breath and turned to face Leighton and Mat.

“I’ve know Leighton for 16 years, beat that Mat.” She said with a small smile as a laugh rippled through the audience before she continued “And in that time I have watched her grow into a loving, caring, beautiful person. She taught me about life, friendship, and what it means to love.”

Leighton swiped at a tear and smiled. Ginny turned to Mat “I’ve known Mat for a long time too, and I’ll never forget the first time he asked me about Leighton, in the library while we worked on a history project. And it wasn’t just that day. It was the day after, and the day after that, and many days afterwards and finally, weeks into our sophomore year Mat finally talked to Leighton. And that was it. So when I finally asked him if the mystery was over, if he finally realized she was a human being, he said No. Leighton is not human. She is angel. And she’s my angel.” Ginny’s lower lip trembled and she took a deep breath before she looked at Beau and continued to speak.

“I believe in true love. I believe in Love at first sight. And I believe that no matter how much time has passed, or how much heartbreak or sadness there is, that love conquers all. I’ve watched this epic, beautiful love story unfold in front of me and it’s made me realize that Love is real, and it’s the most important thing a person can feel for someone else.” She placed a hand over her heart and smiled at him “And I see now, that when you feel that for someone you should say it. No matter how much it scares you. I’ve been waiting my whole life to feel the kind of love they have. And then.”

She looked at Leighton who gave her a small nod and a smile “And then I met you.” A spotlight clicked on and landed on Beau who looked surprised as Ginny continued “And you were nothing like what I though you would be. Your rude, and annoying, and you drive me crazy sometimes but I realized….fighting with you over this past year is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and that sometimes love shows up in unexpected places. And I think there’s a very good chance that I might be falling in love with you.”

A loud gasp rippled through the audience as smiles spread across faces. Mat’s mouth fell open and he turned to Beau, who’s face was unreadable. He stood very slowly and came around the table, arms wrapping around Ginny’s waist, and pulling her into a long slow kiss.

The crowd erupted with cheers and clapping, most of their teammates and wives standing to show their excitement, many loud whistles erupting from tables.

When they broke apart, Ginny felt her face grow hot and realized she was still holding the microphone. She pulled away from him for a minute and cleared her throat “ In conclusion, Mat and Leighton tied the knot finally, let’s all get drunk.”

The rest of the night was filled with dancing, laughter and celebration. Ginny’s feet and legs were sore but she was so high on joy both from the hitching of her best friends, and Beau’s arm around her waist. It felt so natural as he pulled her out on to the dance floor giving her a spin before he pulled her close to him.

“Mmmmm.” She sighed, head resting against his chest, eyes closed.

“Having a good time?” He asked, hands coming to rest on her lower back.

She nodded “I’m having the best time of my life. I don’t ever want this day to end, but when it does, I want to end it with you.” She peered up at him with her big green eyes, and gave him a breathtaking smile. They spent the rest of the evening dancing, kissing, laughing and enjoying the company of their friends and family.

Ginny cried when Mat and Leighton left, hugging and kissing goodbyes. Leighton wasn’t allowed to fly, so they’d be making a road trip to the beach for a week away from New York. They stood waving goodbye on the front steps of the venue, waiting until the car was out of sight around the corner before Beau turned to her and gripped her hand.

“You look beautiful. I forgot to say that earlier.”

She smiled and shrugged “It’s okay you don’t have to.”

“I do and I should. You should always be told that your beautiful. And if you let me, I’ll tell you everyday.”

Ginny’s heart and stomach were both fluttering as he reached forward and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Take me home Beau.”

“My place or yours?”

“Doesn’t matter. As long as I’m with you.”

***********

2 months later there was a soft knock at Mat and Leighton’s door before the handle turned.

“Hello?” Mat and Leighton’s front door opened and they both turned smiling when Ginny poked her head in and grinned widely. She took a step forward, Beau following behind.

“Hi new family.” She said softly. Mat stood to hug them, and Ginny leaned down to kiss Leighton on the top of her head, before she sat down next to her.

“Hi beautiful girl.” She whispered to the tiny new baby in Leighton’s arms. Ginny bit her lip, eyes getting glassy as she let her hand slide over the fabric of the blanket she was wrapped in, fingers tracing the embroidered letters that spelled Lucy in pink thread.

“She’s so perfect.” Ginny continued. She looked at Leighton and smiled softly “How does it feel best friend? To be the girl who got everything she ever wanted?”

Leighton looked at Lucy thought for a moment before she turned back to her “Just like I’ve always dreamed.” Ginny touched her cheek and Leighton closed her eyes. Lucy started to wake up, cooing and moving around.

“Okay hand her over.” Ginny said pushing her hair over her shoulder and making grabby hands. Leighton laughed and carefully handed her to Ginny.

“Hi baby. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and I am gonna spoil you Lucy Barzal.” She said smiling down at her.

Leighton’s eyes drifted to Mat and Beau before she spoke “Lucy Virginia Barzal.”

Ginny looked up, tears clouding her eyes “Really?” She whispered.

Leighton nodded with a tiny smile “I want her to be a great person. And I can’t think of a better person to share a name with.”

Ginny let a tear rolled down her cheek and then chuckled “Well it is a great name.” Ginny looked at Beau and smiled. Seeing her holding a baby did something for him, and he knew in that moment that he was going to do whatever he could to spend the rest of his life with her. He would give her the world and more. She was his soulmate, something he thought he’d never find, and someone who’d been there for so long.

He’d never believed in Love until he’d seen a beautiful story unfold before his eyes. He was ready now to start their story.

“Congrats buddy.” He said to Mat who was watching Leighton, Lucy and Ginny with a dreamy lovesick smile “You finally made it.”

“Not without you I wouldn’t have. It’s indescribable…the way I feel. I hope you get to feel it one day.”

He looked at Ginny again and smiled very softly “I will.”

[smowkie]

finished my second bingo card from @ficreadingchallenge, woo! thanks again for hosting this event, it's great fun! 💗

list of read fics under the cut

1. multichapter fic

Countdown by prairiecrow

Garashir, DS9, 8,090 w, rated teen

summary:

Garak is poisoned, and Bashir finds himself in a race against time.

2. mythical creature AU

beautiful eyes lookin' deep into mine by sarahcakes613

Barisi, SVU, 1,664 w, rated gen

summary:

Rafael hasn't seen his reflection in almost six decades. Sonny finds a magic mirror.

3. less than 20 kudos

I'm Thinking Pastels by harinezumiko

Garashir, DS9, 100 w, rated gen

summary:

Prompt: garashir, magical unicorn adventure.

4. found family

Two Fools And Their Son [series] by Talvenhenki

Garashir, DS9, 5,227 w, rated gen

summary:

Julian adopts a child. As the child grows, so does Julian's family of misfits.

5. historical AU

Our Better Natures by OnlySlightlyObsessed1

Spones, TOS, 1,429 w, rated gen

summary:

Spock couldn't let it happen again.

6. future AU

I will die in the house that I grew up in by justhockey

Buddie, 911, 3,169 w, not rated

summary:

Loving Eddie is like breathing past all of the broken glass in his lungs. Buck can’t believe he gets to have this - can’t believe he gets to hold something so precious in his shaking, bleeding hands, and is trusted not to ruin it. He’s not sure he deserves that kind of faith, but he will spend the rest of his life being grateful for it anyway. He’ll spend the rest of his life trying to deserve this family that he’s made.

7. 5+ year old fic

Letters from the Northern Continent by thehoyden

Garashir, DS9, 7,966 w, rated mature

summary:

It just figured that the first time Julian Bashir set foot on Cardassia after the war, it would be halfway around the world from Elim Garak.

8. fic with no comments yet

Big Medicine by LadyDrace

Garashir, DS9, 100 w, rated gen

summary:

Doctors make the worst patients... and tailors don't make very good doctors either...

9. hurt/comfort

Here, at the End of All Things by sahiya

Garashir, DS9, 17,929 w, rated teen

summary:

He was no one’s choice of nurse, Garak reflected, even if Bashir seemed to tolerate him more than anyone else on the station did. Garak had been trained to inflict pain, not to ease it; to terrify, not to comfort. Bashir had shown Garak more tenderness and care than anyone had in many, many years, and the idea of trying to play that same role for the good doctor now was, frankly, a little intimidating. Not trying at all, however, simply was not an option.

10. fix-it fic

you standing in the doorway by Mireille

Stony, MCU, 1,420 w, rated teen

summary:

The most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway / Is that it's you and that you are standing in the doorway - Mountain Goats, "Going to Georgia"

11. genderbend

Magic is the Worst by arianapeterson19

Tony Stark (gen), MCU, 1,354 w, rated teen

summary:

As far as magic went it wasn't the worst thing to have happened to Tony but it also wasn't turning out how he wanted. He was going to find Loki and demand a refund. OR The one where Tony gets turned into a lady.

12. de-aging/kid

Kid Steve by Neverever

Stony, Avengers Assemble (cartoon), 1,752 w, rated gen

summary:

It's all fun and games for Kid Steve after being de-aged by the Impossible Man, until asthma attacks.

free space

Bombing It by tokidokifish

Garashir, DS9, 1,112 w, rated gen

summary:

“Happy birthday.” “I’m sorry, my dear doctor—I think you’ve mixed me up with someone else.” “I haven’t. I know you wouldn’t ever tell me your real birthday, but I still wanted to give you something to show how much I appreciate your friendship—so I just picked a day with appropriate significance in human culture.” “The first of April.” “Exactly.” — Julian wants to give Garak a gift, so he simply picked a day to do it.

13. bodyswap

i'm yours, body and soul by meidui (orphan_account)

Stony, MCU, 749 w, rated gen

summary:

When Tony wakes up in his husband's body at six in the morning hundreds of miles away from his conference, he almost puts a pillow over his head and goes back to sleep because, really, stranger things have happened.

14. daring rescue

come out to the sea, my love by allyasavedtheday

Buddie, 911, 8,035 w, rated teen

summary:

“Bobby,” Maddie exclaims. “It’s Buck.” Eddie’s head shoots up, hand immediately going to his own radio. Did something happen? Is it another clot? Did Christopher call 911? Is Buck on the floor bleeding out while his son watches- “He and Christopher were on the pier.” There’s one dizzying moment where Eddie’s vision completely whites out and he loses all control of his limbs but then a strong hand is gripping his arm and he manages to pull himself together enough to focus on Bobby’s face. “Maddie, how do you know that?” Bobby asks and he sounds calm but Eddie can hear the tension hidden in his voice. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening. “A girl with a drone called 911- she sent me the footage and-“ Maddie lets out a hitching breath. “They’re stranded on top of the 136’s ladder truck.” * Tsunami au in which the 118 find out about Buck and Chris being stranded on top of the ladder truck and come to rescue them before they get separated.

15. fic written by someone who follows you

a line drawn in the sand by crazyassmurdererwall (smartalli)

Buddie, 911, 5,655 w, rated teen

summary:

When Eddie forgets about a family tradition and can’t get off work early, Buck steps in and takes Christopher to Abuela’s for him. Eddie doesn’t expect Buck to still be there when he gets off work. He doesn’t expect to tell Buck how he feels. And he doesn’t expect to stand up to his parents. But maybe it’s about time he did. Maybe it’s about time he go after what he wants.

16. unhappy/bittersweet ending

Flowers for Julian by peytra

Garashir, DS9, 1,232 w, rated teen

summary:

A late-night conversation about time and gardening.

17. short fic (<1000 words)

Sleep And Be Peaceful by Elemental_Queen

Garashir, DS9, 214 w, rated gen

summary:

Garak comes home late, and finds Julian asleep on his couch.

18. BFFs

I really love you (oh, you’re my best friend) by stellarpoint (pettifogger)

Steve & Robin, Stranger Things, 1,457 w, rated gen

summary:

Robin approaches him slowly. She sees herself in the mirror: still dirt-smudged with bags under her eyes and dried blood obscuring her freckles. She rests her hand on Steve’s back and feels the rattle of his breath under the vest he still hasn’t taken off. “It’s okay, Steve.” He jerks his head up. His eyes are red-rimmed and shining. She slides her left hand all the way around his side until she’s hugging him from behind. She presses her cheek to the denim covering his back and closes her eyes. “It’s okay, dingus. You can let it out,” she murmurs. She rubs her face against his back and slides her hand down the bare skin of his arm. “It’s just me. You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.” Or: Steve has a tell for when he’s trying not to cry and Robin seems to be the only one who notices it.

19. pets

Birthday Surprise by PepperSpicedLatte

Saffi, ST: Picard, 100 w, rated gen

summary:

Evie, their beloved cat, has a surprise for Raffi

20. mistaken identity

What Happens At Comic Con by Heartithateyou

Stony, MCU, 1,164 w, rated gen

summary:

So Steve likes to go to comic con sometimes. And just maybe he dresses as Captain America. And perhaps he might flirt with an Iron Man cosplayer. But can you blame him?

21. remix fic pair (worth 2 spots)

out of the mouth of babes (a childish remix) by Fluffypanda

Stony, MCU, 3,745 w, rated teen

summary:

Tony doesn't know how to deal with a child-sized Steve that seems to think they're friends.

22. new (to you) fandom

when you think you've tried every road by firstaudrina

Tristan Duffy/Liz Taylor, AHS: Hotel, 3,224 w, rated teen

summary:

Normally Tristan would brush off someone eyeing his ass but this is different, somehow – like Liz looked at him once, and wanted to keep looking.

23. lyrics title - listen to the song too!

Crawling on Your Shores by Mireille

Stony, MCU, 9,600 w, rated teen

summary:

Compared to the last time Tony was trapped in a cave, this should be a piece of cake. It's really not. His armor is damaged, he doesn't have anything to work with, and he has an unconscious supersoldier on his hands. It's definitely not a piece of cake.

24. slow burn

keep a bower quiet for us by starghost

Garashir, DS9, 20,218 w, rating gen

summary:

Julian Bashir goes on vacation, and ends up stuck on Earth, in the past, with Elim Garak. Things could be worse, probably.

[sturn-wrld]

👾 prompts!

✦ these are prompts you can suggest if wanting to send requests! don't feel as if you must follow the prompt exactly or even use a prompt this is just for help! also feel free to copy this prompt list or refer to it but use appropriate credits (myself and whoever i use as inspo for prompts)

✦ also feel free to mix two or more prompts!

most prompts are inspired from @creativepromptsforwriting

coloured are exact copies from prompts and black are inspired or my own

romance:

1. "no one writes songs about the ones that come easy"

2. star gazing in la

3. "thank you but let me cook next time"

4. Wouldn’t it be better to tell her even if the timing is wrong, than to never tell her at all?

5. flirt x nieve nerd

6. flirty x flirtier

7. "Your taste in men is horrible.” “I mean, I'm dating you.” “Like I said, horrible taste."

8. “I think I’m dying and I wanted to tell you ‘I love you’ before I do.”

9. can't spit it out

10. lovers in denial

11. secret relationship

smut:

12. “Don’t act innocent when we both know where your mouth was two minutes ago.”

13. Good people have good sex – anything prior to this relationship is not good for some reason

14. “Stop looking at me like that or my knees will not hold me any longer.”

15. secret hookups

16. one bed

17. facetime sex

18. “If we weren’t in public right now…”

19. Your hand feels much better than my own.

20. virgin x experienced

21. Hmm, is that a threat or a promise?

22. Come on, don't just undress me with your eyes."

23. “I think your legs were made to be wrapped around my waist.”

angst

24. Pushing me away will not help you."

25. You deserved everything that happened to you

26. revenge

27. Our forever seems to have been short-lived."

28. Ignoring the problems will not make them go away.

29. I'm done. Do whatever you want, but do it without me."

30. Stop trying to make it up to me, you can't!

31. They never thought it would take so much time to say goodbye.

32. Can't you understand why that hurts me?

33. I’m not going with you.

34. Did you really think it would be that easy?

35. fallen out of love

platonic

im happy to write any of their prompts around friendship but some of my favourite lists of theirs are:

friends prompt challenge

group of friends AU prompts

platonic activities for friends

[booksandchainmail]

Pale 4.3

I think my main takeaway from the first part of this chapter is that other people lead very different lives from me. I mean, I don't doubt that teenage parties where everyone is making out and drinking and getting stoned exist, but I've literally never heard of one. Even in college we just sat around and ate chicken nuggets and watched bad anime.

This was scary.  It was scary in the same way John in that abandoned house had been scary.  A person as a force of nature, angry and violent and detached from humanity enough that he was willing to hurt her.  Smoke rolled out around her.

The John thing was scary to me partially because it was more mundane. Not a curse or magic taking effect, just physical violence that is supernaturally hard to fight. Also a good reminder that without tools and preparations, none of them are really capable of fighting against an above-average person.

Avery’s eyes flashed, the mist sweeping over them, in a way that made the outline and darkness of the irises stand out in even dimly lit gloom.  Verona’s eyes turned purple.

I really like the different ways people's Sight manifests.

“I might’ve lied to my mom.  Tanked my karma, tanked the connection breaking stuff I laid on my bag.”

did not catch this, going back to look at the chapter to see what it could have been.

ah.

“Love you!” her mom called out, as Verona climbed out. “Yeah. You too,” Verona replied, giving her mom a tight smile, before closing the door.

fuck.

Verona turned a wide eyed look to Lucy, like she’d been stung.  Wary, alarmed. Verona winced, and nodded.

This chapter is really highlighting how much Verona cues off of Lucy's emotional state.

This Faerie duel thing is very neat. Not sure how I feel about how much time Lucy's been spending with Guilhelme, but I love the whole thing (drawing out the weapon, naming terms, building an arena, making a formal challenge) too much to be appropriately wary.

“We should take her to see Nicolette,” Avery said, from the far end of the fading arena.

Part of the Kennet Trio's whole deal is being more concerned with the people in their jurisdiction (and beyond) than I think the average practitioner is. With Nicolette, it's clear she didn't mean to cause harm to bystanders with her spying, but also clear that she didn't think about the unintended consequences of her actions.

And when you didn’t need us as much, with keen talent for practice, aggressive outreach to other practitioners, and a knack for investigation…

They are very good at this!

I would say you’re getting your own control. And to some, even myself to a small degree, that feels like you’re sliding into a position where you have control over us.

Basically what I was saying a bit ago, that a lot of the Others of Kennet would have preferred puppet practitioners, even if they weren't as useful.

“Miss noted him, as one of five or six considerations, to replace you three if you couldn’t see this through.”

man were they just going to work through the entire middle school. Fucked up that the backup considerations were also kids. Looks like "controllable" was an important qualification. I wonder who the others were? There's a few other classes to draw on, but based on the characters we've met, and that "outsider" seems to be important, I'd guess Pam and Gabe?

“I want you to say what you’re feeling because you look mad and I can’t take it.”

oh big mood. Just get it over with instead of letting the tension sit

I wonder if part of the reason this is hitting Verona so hard is that Lucy is maybe the only person whose good opinion she really cares about? I mean, she likes Avery, she gets along with various Others and wants to learn well, but we don't see her looking for approval from any adults/authority figures. I think in a lot of ways Lucy is who Verona bases her sense of morality and responsibility off of.

“I don’t want you to deal, I want you to be happy and good.  Talk, vent.  Hurt me if it means getting it off your chest.  Please.”

Mixed feelings on this one. On the hand, there's "You don't have to hold back your own emotions to protect my feelings". On the other, there's "Hurt me for my mistakes if it will make you feel better". Not really sure which one this is. Don't think Verona knows either.

“I wanted to get the stuff back and get back to normal because I wanted you to be able to go back to that cabin where you were with Wallace and Mia and the others, and kiss a boy and make other friends because that’s what I really wanted out of tonight,” Verona said.

oh. 🥹

Verona’s sandals were strappy, and it looked like the edges of the straps had rubbed Verona’s feet raw, to the point there was blood. All that running around. Trying to fix things.

oh

So. I don't think I could pick between the three girls. But as of now, Lucy and Verona's friendship is winning as my favorite.

[koofishy]

Happy Little Accident (I'm glad I met you)

(vmin au fanfic)

"Hyung!"

Some people turned at the shout, but most of them, like Jimin, kept walking, unbothered.

Maybe if the person had been yelling for a different reason, he would have stopped to see if any help was needed, but this guy just seemed to be trying to alert a friend, and that was none of Jimin's business.

And anyway, he was kind of late to his dance class, so. No stopping for random shouting dudes.

He rounded a corner and pulled his beanie lower on his head as a gust of wind hit him, making a shiver run down his spine. Wasn't Spring supposed to be warmer??

"Hyung!"

The guy was still at it? Who was he even shouting at??

At that point, the only possible answer to that question seemed to be someone with hearing difficulties, because one thing was for sure, the guy was equipped with the lungs of a whale. The whole street was echoing from his loud, deep voice.

"Hyung!!"

Just when Jimin was starting to have enough of the commotion and was searching for his earbuds in his pocket, he heard quickly approaching footsteps from behind. Someone was running in his direction.

With a mix of curiousity and annoyance, Jimin turned around to see for himself who on Earth was this person wrecking havoc on such a chilly, but otherwise very nice afternoon.

But the only thing he could make out was a tall blob of curly hair and brown clothes, before he was ambushed, the body of the stranger hitting him with full force, sending him to the ground with a painful thud.

Jimin lay on his back on the cold, hard sidewalk, the clouds on the sky above him looking down at him pitifully.

What just happened...

The guy, quite literally on top of Jimin, propped himself up on his elbows and looked down at him with a-

With a fucking pout??

"Yoongi hyung, why didn't you stop when I-"

He paused abruptly, mouth still open, eyes widening in shock, as he took in Jimin's utter confusion and slightly disheveled state.

He had a very symmetrical face, Jimin's brain noted for some reason. Very symmetrical, framed by curly, brownish hair, like a poodle's fur.

"You're not Yoongi hyung," the guy concluded after a moment, brown eyes still as huge as saucers.

"I'm not," Jimin replied, voice still a bit frail from the impact of hitting the ground. He felt like he hit his head too, otherwise he wouldn't have been stuck on how unique the dude's lip shape looked.

"Shit," said the unique lips, and Jimin snapped his gaze back to the brown eyes instead, that seemed more appropriate. "I am so sorry, oh my god! Are you okay?"

"Uh," Jimin said cleverly. "I think so?"

The guy got off of him and sat on the ground, looking at Jimin with gaze full of concern and a hint of embarrassement. Jimin sat up and touched his forehead, still trying to comprehend the situation. It's not every day you get hit by the most beautiful person you've ever seen.

"Does your head hurt?," the man asked, deep voice sounding worried, as he looked Jimin up and down. For injuries, presumably. "Is your vision blurry? How many fingers am I holding up?, " he shoved four long fingers in Jimin's face, almost pushing him back down again with the sudden movement. "Oh, I'm sorry!"

"It's okay, I'm okay, nothing's hurt!," Jimin waved his hand in dismissal, trying to calm the dude who was apologizing over and over again.

Jimin wasn't lying, he was used to falling. He was a dancer after all, for heaven's sake. He was just surprised by the sudden attack.

He told that to the man as well, who seemed to settle a bit at that.

"Still, I'm very sorry," he said, just to be sure. "I thought you were my friend, he has the exact same beanie as you!," he explained, pointing to the black fabric covering Jimin's head. Then, he bit his lip in hesitation, which made it a little hard for Jimin to stay focused on what he was saying. "To be honest, I'm new to the city, and I got so happy when I thought I saw my hyung that I forgot about everything else."

Now that activated Jimin's mother hen instincts immediately. This poor soul, lost in the big city of Seoul, all by himself...

"Where are you from?," Jimin asked, crossing his legs to sit more comfortably. The guy mirrored his movements, so that they were sitting face-to-face.

"I'm from Daegu," he smiled, his pretty lips forming a boxy shape. Jimin should have known from the dialect. "Well, more like, from a farm near Daegu," he corrected, making Jimin's eyes widen.

"You live on a farm?"

"Something like that, yeah," the guy scartched the back of his neck shyly. Jimin smiled at him.

"That's so cool. But I suppose it must have been a big change, moving here," he said, and the man nodded, something like relief sagging his shoulders at Jimin's understanding tone. "It was for me, too. I'm from Busan, I moved here three years ago", Jimin let a bit of his, nowadays rarely used, dialect seep into his sentence, making the guy smile at him, eyes twinkling.

"I've never been to Busan, but I've heard the ocean is beautiful," the guy said, and at that, Jimin pulled out his phone from his pocket and showed him the lockscreen.

A photo taken by his mother a few months back, when he visited home; him and his brother fooling around on the beach, the beams of the setting sun dancing on the waves, making the whole ocean sparkle, and painting the sky in purple, orange and red hues.

The guy made a low whistle.

"Wow. That really is breathtaking."

"It's not always like this, but yeah, it's nice," agreed Jimin. "Do you have pics from home? If you don't mind, of course, I don't mean to be nosy."

The guy pulled out his phone without a word, pressed a few things on the screen, and then Jimin came face-to-face with the cutest little Pomeranian he had ever seen.

"Oh my gosh!"

"His name is Yeontan," the guy explained, showing more photos of the little puppy, some of them featuring himself too. "He's back at home right now, but I'm planning on bringing him here when I get acclimatized to the place."

"He's adorable," Jimin commented.

"He is," the guy put his phone away. "Other than him, I could also show you pictures of chicken and geese, but I doubt that would be very interesting."

Jimin raised his eyebrows.

"Try me."

The dude looked at him a bit sceptically, but got out his phone again.

"Alright... This is Josephine," he showed Jimin a picture of a brownish hen. "She is the kindest of the bunch, she has only pecked me twice, and both was deserved. The others are reincarnates of satan, but in a lovable way."

They sat there for who knows how long, as the dude introduced to Jimin all twenty-five chickens on his farm, going into great detail about each of them. He talked in such an immersing manner, Jimin found himself clinging to every word, enjoying every second of the presentation. He also asked Jimin questions, mostly about animals, but as their conversation progressed, about other things as well, like his favourite type of music, and what hair style he preferred.

As the topic of dancing came up, however, Jimin's blood went cold.

"Shit," he exclaimed, glancing at the time on his phone. "Fuck, I'm so dead."

"What happened?," asked the guy, concern evident on his features.

"I'm late for practice. Again," Jimin put his head into his hands in distress. "My teacher's gonna kill me."

And he can't just tell her he was late because he was sitting on the sidewalk, looking at photos of chicken for half an hour with some hot dude he just met and doesn't even know the name of.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry, this is all my fault!," the man said, a pout on his lips. But before Jimin could disagree, because actually, it was him who started the conversation, the dude's eyes glinted and he held up a finger.

"Hey, what if I go with you and explain to your teacher that you were late because of me? I have very convincing puppy eyes, they'll stand no chance against them," he offered, and Jimin had no doubts about that, but still tried to refuse. "Oh come on! I don't have anything better to do!"

"Anything's better than arguing with my dance instructor," Jimin muttered.

At that, the guy looked at him in the eye, gaze deep, making Jimin stop his agonizing and stare back at him, heart jumping into his throat for some reason.

"Then, think of it as me wanting to keep being around you. Because that's what it actually is," the guy confessed, making Jimin's eyes widen. "I really liked talking with you, and, if you don't mind, I would love to keep in touch and meet up with you again, as soon as possible. Maybe in a less chaotic way next time," he smiled, charming and bashful. Jimin could feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. He must be completely red.

"I'd love that," he managed to say, and the man's smiled widened at that. Jimin couldn't help but mirror it.

After that, they finally got up from the pavement, the guy offering a helping hand to Jimin which he accepted shyly. The man didn't let go of him even when they were standing.

"I haven't even introduced myself, how rude of me," he squeezed Jimin's fingers in his huge grasp. "My name's Taehyung."

Jimin smiled at him, cheeks pink like cherry blossoms.

"Nice to meet you, Taehyung. I'm Jimin."

Taehyung's kind eyes were twinkling with happiness, and Jimin had never been more glad the Spring decided to get a little colder that day, making him wear a beanie, and, ultimately, leading him to this man, who seemed just as, if not more beautiful inside, than he was outside.

Even if all of this happened by accident.

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed vmin being cute :) Don't be afraid to leave notes and comments, or share this fic with others, if you'd like <3 Find me on AO3 and Twitter (I write there too) and you can ask or tell me anything here - please be kind with that tho^^

[fresh-new-yoik-watah]

Love Like the Sea

Chapter 3 sneak peak 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

_______________

“I get it,” he whispered.

“Really? Anytime I’ve mentioned it, I’m told to be grateful Ewya has chosen me, that it’s an honour.”

“I definitely get being told to be happy about it, not so much the chosen by Ewya part,” he chucked.

You smiled lightly, glad to have someone else who could understand, someone other than Ao’nung to relate to, someone who truly didn’t want the life thrusted upon them.

“You were to become Olo’eytkan,” it wasn’t a question, but rather a realization, one you didn’t think of when learning Jake Sully’s status that first day.

Neteyam nodded, tight lips, glazed over eyes, pools of sadness and hurt mixing with the amber.

“I didn’t actually want it, but it was everything I knew. Something that stayed consistent. But now I’m not the next Olo’eyktan, the thing that had been my identity was stripped away after being forced to take it. If I’m not future Olo’eyktan, who am I?”

You let his words sink in, thinking of your own situation. You had spent almost every morning and night, asking Ewya why you, begging her to take it away, to choose someone else. But it never occurred to you who you would be then; you couldn’t imagine a life where you were not tsakarem, where you were not at Ao’nung’s side, it was your place in the clan, the meaning of your life. Who would you be without it?

“But,” Neteyam continued, “I’m happy to be free of it, to be able to just live.”

“A life among just the sea, that would be enough,” you sighed, briefly closing your eyes. “I’ve never not known that I would become Tsahik one day. Playing alongside Ao’nung as children, I knew we had to become a mated pair one day. And now it’ll happen sooner than later, it just would’ve been nice to have had a choice,” you brought one of your knees up to you, resting your cheek on it.

“Do you see him?” He asked, eying you, curious.

You turned to him, mouth open, shocked he would ask that, especially so blunt, “That’s not appropriate.”

“Sorry.”

You look up at the sky, twinkling with stars, lit up by the glowing planets, “We balance, we understand. I’m lucky to have found a friend in him, not many in my position have that.”

[1d1195]

You’re the absolute sweetest Sam😭 possibly posting part 8 in honor of Harry and I 😭😭 I’m genuinely so touched!

And i hope the mixed reviews of part 7 won’t hinder you to continue writing characters and stories that include these types of conflicts! I can understand the frustration that some people may have about the reader but by saying “she needs help/to not act like that” isn’t really doing much. I’m pretty sure we are all aware what she does is not healthy but getting help is not that easy. And let’s say she does get help, healing is not linear so she could get worse or have a rough journey! And that also shouldn’t stop her from experiencing love and happiness!

I’m pretty much projecting here bc I just talked about my own guilt and like stuff like that today in therapy lol BUT undoing those behaviors is HARD and from an outsiders perspective it can seem simple enough to fix but sometimes it’s hard to separate and look back at the situation when you’re the one in it! She IS capable of getting better and SHE CAN ABSOLUTELY GET BETTER! Things take time and of course it can’t be represented in their story yet bc hello?! The story needs conflict in order to keep the plot going!

Plus, mental health struggles aren’t “beautifully tragic”, people act differently and do things that hurt others, intentionally or not on top with so many other factors. So the MC acting like that is pretty valid in a sense that she currently can’t see that her actions do hurt people and herself because of heightened emotions!

People who have gone through trauma and have yet to “fully overcome” it deserve love too.

Anyways you don’t have to post this , I would never want to bring any negativity towards you so if you wish to let the subject go, please don’t feel bad to do so! Just know that you’re so loved and the wonderful stories you put out are so lovely!-💜

Omg, of COURSE. I would love to post in honor of both of you. I’m sure Harry would appreciate it as much as you 😉

No, it won’t hinder me. I’m just a bit frustrated because you’re right. I want there to be plot and anxiety and catharsis. Like I love fluff as much as the next person but I don’t think it makes for the most interesting story. I usually save all fluff pieces for extras/check-ins. I’ve said it before, I think I’m just being dramatic a little.

Please project. I appreciate you going to therapy because twinsies. Now I feel like I don’t have to—thanks for doing the heavy lifting bestie 😂☠️

You have the best thoughts and ideas. You always put what I’m feeling into words and I’m so grateful for it. My hope was to describe a character with the issues you explained exactly. She wants help, NEEDS help, but is struggling to let people in and it won’t change over night. She might hurt people in the process.

I’m happy to post this one just because I think people should see how well you write 💕

Also, I went through my blog for the last couple years to appropriately tag asks and inspo and I didn’t realize how long we’ve been chatting 😭😭😭 in my head it was only like two months (I have no concept of time—or time flies when you’re having fun, ya know?) but it’s been a regular interaction for like 6 months or so 😭😭😭 I’m so happy to have you in my life (even just spiritually) 💕

Xoxo

P.s. “people who have trauma and have yet to overcome it deserve love too” i would like this tattooed on my forehead 💕😭

[sobriquett]

Dear Trick or Treat Author 2023

Dearest author,

It's that most wonderful time of year, of longer nights and cooler weather and golden trees and Yuletide signups and Trick or Treat.

Thank you for thinking about writing for me. This letter contains some general likes and loves, a bit of context for my love of each fandom, and a handful of prompts. I have enjoyed all but two of these canons in their entirety in the past twelve months (at least if by The Witcher I mean specifically Wild Hunt!), so they're all fresh in my mind and my heart! If the prompts in some sections are more comprehensive than others, that's probably only because I've requested it frequently before. I love them all and I am easily pleased. Anything mentioned here (except for DNWs) is intended as an idea or a suggestion (and sometimes I have lots of ideas), not a restriction. Write what brings you joy.

If you're not already familiar with it, you should look at the tag set app and find many, many potential treats (or tricks!) to write.

Enjoy! And happy writing!

--

This letter is quite messy and rambling in places, and I've not been very good at separating out prompts for tricks vs. treats. I am open-minded to either in all of these fandoms, I love both happy/fluffy and dark/angsty fic. I'm hoping that a mix of ramblings, fandom-specific prompts and general likes and loves will spark joy.

If you would still like more information, please feel free to peruse past letters under the dear author letter tag, where I have requested several of these fandoms before and given extra information about likes/dislikes in certain genres, e.g. smut, epistolary. This may also be handy if I don't finish this letter before you receive it!

General Likes and Loves

5+1 Times | Alternate Endings | Angst | Backstory | Banter/Bickering | Bittersweet | Canon Compliant | Canon Divergence | Character Death | Character Death Aftermath | Character Study | Class Distinction | Coming of Age | Competence | Complicated Sibling Relationships | Cultural Differences | Dark Fic | Debt & Financial Pressures | Despair | Domesticity | Different Worldviews | Enemies to Friends/Lovers | Epistolary | Examining Societal Issues | First Meetings | First Time | Fix-It | Fluff | Found Family | Friends/Lovers to Enemies | Grief/Mourning | Grumpy Character/Sunshine Character | Historical Details | Humour | Hurt/Comfort | Last Time | Laws of Magic | Living Up/Down to Expectations | Long-Distance Friendship | Marriage of Convenience | Miscommunication | Missing Moment | Obeying Canonical Boundaries (Social/Cultural/Moral) | Outsider POV | Parent/Child Relationships | Pining | Platonic Intimacy | Politics & Intrigue | Poor Life Choices | Post-Canon | Pre-Canon | Presumed Dead | Protectiveness | Redemption | Religious Elements | Reunions | Romance | Sad Endings | Secret Relationships | Uneven Power Dynamics | Unexpected/Unlikely Friendship | Unreliable Narrators | Whump | Worldbuilding

Darkfic Likes

Apocalypse | Betrayal | Brainwashing | Character Death | Character Death Aftermath | Child Abuse | Claustrophobia | Conspiracy | Debt & Financial Pressures | Degradation | Disease | Dubious Consent | Dystopia | Fire | Forced Marriage | Gaslighting | Hauntings | Humiliation | Hypothermia | Insanity | Invasion of Privacy | Mind Control | Murder | Paranoia | Poisoning | Prison | PTSD | Slavery (Canon-Appropriate) | Suicide | Unhappy Endings | Violence

Darkfic DNWs

(Exceptions apply to Jane Eyre and The Last Kingdom. Please see those fandoms for details.)

Edit 22/9/23: I've noticed in re-reading this later that these are different to the DNWs in my signup, which are the only ones which are enforceable. Maybe better to read these as dislikes, then?)

A/B/O Dynamics | Animal Abuse (Canon-Typical Animal Death is fine, e.g. in battle) | Bestiality | Body Horror | Explicit, On-Screen Non-Con | Gore | Medical Experimentation | Mutilation | Non-Canonical Amputation | Sadism | Scat | Torture | Vore

Please note that although non-con is in my DNWs for most fandoms, dubious consent is very welcome. I enjoy exploration of iffy power dynamics or darker moments of history/canon (especially in Jane Eyre and The Last Kingdom). However, graphic and violent non-con for its own sake or without context would not be in the spirit of my prompts even within these fandoms and so I would prefer to avoid it, but it's a difficult line to draw and an even more difficult one to police.

--

Fandoms are in alphabetical order to avoid the appearance of favouritism!

1. Bridgerton (TV)

Characters: Anthony Bridgerton, Kate Sharma, Simon Basset, Violet Bridgerton, Agatha Danbury, Queen Charlotte

Ships: Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma, Anthony Bridgerton & Edwina Sharma

Season 2 was not what I was expecting, and nor was it a terribly faithful adaptation of the book. (Not a bad thing in my opinion; I stopped reading the books because they were too ridiculous for me, but the show hits just right with its own flavour of absurdity.) I was very, very “what the fuck” from the end of episode four right through to the end of the season, peaking in episode six with some what the actual FUCK, and basically watched it in one sitting on release day and into the night.

One thing Bridgerton doesn’t focus on enough (to my taste) is the realities of that lifestyle: social position and positioning, the responsibilities and expectations shouldered by the characters (however light we may consider them from a busy 21st century life, I imagine many of them would disagree, and the social season is exhaustingly nonstop), the gulf between high society and, well, regular society. (It nods to it, but never faces it full on.) I am a history nerd and will delight in anything that dances around the realities of the world, even shined up and sanitised and (especially) in Bridgerton’s parallel reality.

There’s so much potential for fun here; have at it!

Post-Gazebo fic – any consequences you please, or none at all

Kate leaves for India

Violet Bridgerton loses her position to Kate – her home, some of her responsibilities; how do both handle it?

Kate and/or any/all Bridgertons torment Anthony

Another incident with a bee

What happened to Kate’s fear of storms?

Somebody’s past comes back to haunt them

An unfortunate item in Lady Whistledown’s latest issue

Where is Simon in season 2? What does he think of all this? What does he have to say to Kate, Anthony, Daphne, anyone?

Further exploration of Anthony’s slightly unhinged understanding of his responsibilities/duty

This could be contrasted with Violet’s responsibilities as matriarch/mother, and her change in position with a new Lady Bridgerton in the family

Pall Mall

Riding and racing

Seasonal fic - spring, summer, autumn, winter; a typical (or exceptional) moment

Anthony and Edwina get married and have immediate regret! (There’s no easy way out!)

The charmed life breaks for one or more of the characters and they have an unpleasant brush with the real world

Further adventures with Colin’s special tea

2. The Godfather - Mario Puzo

Characters: Apollonia Vitelli Corleone, Carmela Corleone, Lucy Mancini

Ships: Apollonia Vitelli Corleone & Carmela Corleone, Carmela Corleone & Kay Adams Corleone

I reread this over the summer. (Well, more specifically, Audible finished one book and rolled straight into playing this one and I went with it.) As always, I want more of the women. The author (probably the author, but definitely the authorial voice) is wildly misogynistic, where all women are essentially defined in terms of their fuckability and/or relationships with men (specific and general), and very few women are ever really the POV character. Kay is occasionally, and possibly Lucy, but that’s it. But they are all defined by their (sexual) relationships to the Corleone men – wives, lovers, mothers. I want more of the women as women.

Apollonia says one word in the novel: "Grazie." Who is she? Give her some flesh, a spark, to be more than just a pretty shell.

Mama Corleone is much the same, she turns up for a moment here and there to (magnificently) berate one of her sons or to feed somebody, but she also feels like a thread of iron in the lives of those around her, holding them up, but it’s unspoken. I love her Catholicism, and how she converts Kay, and they go together to pray for the souls of their husbands. The ending of the novel is divine.

Kay is an outsider to the world for more than just having girl parts, and I’m curious how that changes her experience, and particularly how she relates to her mother-in-law (and sister-in-law) through cultural and generational differences.

Lucy’s character arc is literally defined by her vagina and she willingly and semi-knowingly lets herself continue to be used by the family through the hotels, but there is more to her than that. Like what? How does she balance what she wants to know, what she guesses, what she thinks, what she absolutely and definitely knows? Is Sonny a lingering ghost through her life?

I don’t really know what I want, just more of the women.

Apollonia and the American dream: what does she actually want? Is Michael a way to get it? (Children, comfort, fortune, adventure, love, other?)

Does Apollonia love Michael? Does it matter? Was her courtship/marriage a pleasant or a horrible experience? What did she think her future would look like?

What does Kay want? What does she think their future will look like?

The same questions for Kay as Apollonia, possibly different answers. Compare the women, be thoughtful or go dark.

I’m always intrigued by Kay’s Catholicism, especially in the book. The movie’s ending happens too, but then Kay goes to church with Mama Corleone and prays for Michael’s soul.

Michael’s grief at losing both women in his life, in very different ways. (Does he acknowledge them as women and individuals, or only as wives/lovers?)

A missing happy moment for any of these characters or either couple.

A contrast between weddings – Connie’s, Apollonia’s, Kay’s, others.

What if Apollonia had lived, and met Kay?

What if Apollonia lives?

I feel like Kay makes a “better” American wife for Michael, in the world he wants to move in. Would the path have unfolded differently with a different woman at his side?

Does the ghost of Apollonia haunt Michael at later points in his life?

How does Carmela respond to the milestones in her husband’s life? The shooting of Don Fanucci, having Clemenza and Tessio in her home, the Don’s first shooting, the rise in their fortunes, that magnificent carpet?

What if Apollonia had lived, and they’d returned to New York, and she’d lived in the compound? What place would she find in that family, in that life, in that country? What would Mama Corleone have thought of her new daughter-in-law? Would this have impacted Michael, how would he show it? Could Apollonia be happy? Or a very mixed bag?

3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

DNW exception: Non-con is welcome here, when in the spirit of the prompts.

Characters: Jane Eyre, Grace Poole

Ships: Jane Eyre/Edward Rochester, Jane Eyre/St. John Rivers, Jane Eyre & Maria Temple, Jane Eyre & Adele Varens, Jane Eyre & Alice Farifax

Jane Eyre is an unreliable narrator.

This is one of my favourite novels ever, but I read a new story each time I read (or rewatch – Ruth Wilson 2006 version, yes) it. I had a different experience of it as a child, teenager, young adult, and so on – and with time, I’ve come to see Rochester as more of a villain, and then also as a victim of circumstances and a product of his environment, and to increasingly believe that Jane Eyre lies to us. She’s also every bit as prejudiced and superior as those she criticises, but/because she’s also a product of her world. But I still love her, and love that she says she got a happy ending. But that doesn’t mean it has to stay happy, or even that she was telling the truth.

This is a fandom where I particularly enjoy a darker edge, and a playful approach to the text on the author’s part. The novel is a first person autobiography. Have fun with that! Jane Eyre is an unreliable narrator. The novel is her autobiography and I don’t believe that the story she told is necessarily the story that happened. What did she conceal? What did she tweak? What did she exaggerate or minimise? Is she trying to tell a moral story, and if so for whom? Does her faith endure and guide her quite as steadfastly, perfectly and purely as she says? I adore fics that play with this idea.

Prompts:

Post-canon happiness?

Post-canon unhappiness?

Canon divergence at any point.

A missing moment from the engagement - an evening spent together, a walk, a trip out. Tension, anticipation, uneasiness, a sense that all’s not quite right that can’t be entirely set aside. Rochester trying to claim more affection than Jane is yet willing to give, with either a playful or darker edge.

A missing moment between the interrupted wedding and Jane fleeing Thornfield? What if they do have a night of madness before Jane flees Thornfield, where just for a moment she gives in? Or is coerced? (Dubcon over non-con please? Also: gloriously awful or happy consequences welcome.)

How does Rochester discover Jane’s missing? How does Adele find out? Mrs Fairfax? How do they all react? What is that day like? (Jane’s absence would almost be the character in this case. She doesn’t have to appear, she’s still the focus.)

Jane, Mrs Fairfax and Adele are all dependents. Thornfield Hall might be where they live but it’s not their home, and there’s an inherent precariousness to their position that might be worth exploring – or what it’s worth when they finally do have a home that’s theirs, and they feel it.

Does Jane ever meet her Reed cousins again after Mrs Reed’s death? What would they think of her changed circumstances? Does Jane become – or put on the airs of – a great lady, and put them in their place? Or does she forgive, warmly, and try to cultivate relationships because she remembers what it was like to be alone, as her cousins may have become?

Do Jane and Mrs Fairfax meet again in the future? At Thornfield, they were the closest thing to peers as they were both ladies but dependents, but there was a huge gulf between them in terms of age, experience, and outlook. How does their relationship change?

If Jane and Rochester have children, what does that do to Adele’s place in the family? Is she beloved sister or unwanted burden? (I can’t see Jane considering her a burden but I could perhaps see Jane being torn in too many directions and having no time left for Adele, leaving her bereft.)

What if Adele’s mother returned to collect her, or for some other (nefarious) purpose?

Rochester dies in the fire. What happens then?

Jane goes with St. John and it doesn’t start/go/end well.

What if the first wedding isn’t interrupted? Rochester’s a bigamist and Jane a fallen woman when it comes out. (I have started writing this but not finished it.)

Jane tries to put Adele back together, after she’s traumatised by the sudden loss of her home, the dismissal of her nurse Sophie, the loss of Jane, the wrath/rage of Rochester, her cruel treatment at school, etc.

Does Jane come to see Rochester as a villain? Does she find herself corrupted, tarnished or lessened in his eyes in some way when he comes to marry/possess her and the sharper, darker side of his character turns on her once she’s off her pedestal?

Does Jane resent being Rochester’s carer, his eyes and hands?

Jane is not in the habit of receiving gifts, and still isn’t used to it. But she has grown to enjoy giving them to those she loves and cares for.

News articles of the aborted wedding, Thornfield fire and subsequent events?

Does Adele correspond with Jane or Rochester from her school? Either miserably from the school Rochester sends her to, or more happily from Jane’s choice?

Is Rochester more of a villain? How?

How does Adele find school, either the one Rochester sends her to, or the one Jane moves her to?

How does their wedding night go? How do Rochester’s blindness and injury affect this side of their relationship?

An in-character moment of passion, with badinage and fairy talk.

There are no fics about Jane Eyre and her former teacher, Maria Temple. Do they keep in touch through Jane’s adult life, or get in touch or meet again in the future? What does the former Miss Temple (I can’t at this moment remember her married name but it is given in the novel) think of how Jane’s life turns out, her choice of husband, his story? Does she offer Jane counsel? What if Jane goes to her instead of to the Rivers when she flees Thornfield? Would the story go differently?

Jane dies on the moors.

Does Jane resent being Rochester’s carer, his eyes and hands?

Is Rochester “really” as injured as Jane writes in her autobiography? Did she provide some sort of divine/literary punishment for his sins? Or what really happened instead, did he get a comeuppance?

4. The Last Kingdom (TV)

DNW exception: References to non-con and torture are fine in this fandom, but please avoid graphic on-page depiction.

Characters: Uhtred of Bebbanburg, Aelswith, Alfred the Great, Hild, Brida

Ships: Aelswith & Uhtred, Aethelflaed & Uhtred, Alfred & Uhtred, Aethelstan & Uhtred, Brida/Uhtred, Alfred/Uhtred

5. The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (TV)

Characters: Miriam "Midge" Maisel, Joel Maisel, Susie Myerson

Ships: Miriam "Midge" Maisel & Susie Myerson, Miriam "Midge" Maisel/Joel Maisel, Lenny Bruce/Miriam "Midge" Maisel, Miriam "Midge" Maisel & Abe Weissman

6. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

Characters: Nitta Sayuri, Nobu Toshikazu, Mameha

Ships: Nitta Sayuri/Nobu Toshikazu, Mameha & Nitta Sayuri

Nobody’s here for this, are they? This does seem like a lovely exchange for this fandom though, a fleeting 300 world glimpse at a fleeting world. Not every fic needs to be a deep dive into the deeper nature of reality, perception, secrets, desire, etc.

Nobu/Sayuri is my rarest rare pair. I massively prefer the novel to the movie, mostly because there’s so much more Nobu. He’s my favourite character, for the gap between how he’s perceived and how he is. He inspires such loyalty and friendship in those who know and value him – Mameha, the Chairman, Sayuri - and yet more shallow characters (Hatsumomo) can’t stand him based only on his looks (and grumpiness). In many ways, the Chairman is the more ghost-like character in the novel, floating in the background as Sayuri develops a deep and genuine friendship with Nobu despite their differences. Her entire fantasy of the chairman is based on a five-minute encounter and a hanky and then she essentially doesn’t speak to him for a decade, and I wish she’d made a different choice. Nobu would have been an active choice, rather than continuing down the path she set as a child without consideration for how she’s changed as she’s grown up and seen more of the world. I understand Sayuri’s heartbreak knowing that having Nobu as her danna would preclude any possibility of such a relationship with the Chairman, but it would open up a world of other possibilities, and to kindness from a different source. Neither Nobu nor Sayuri know much kindness in their lives, and I really enjoy their repartee. It’s one of the few times Sayuri seems to have fun.

Mameha and Sayuri’s relationship is also one that changes over time, and the various parallels and differences between them are fascinating. Their experiences, sadnesses, hopes, fears, and how Mameha tries to send Sayuri down Mameha’s idea of the right path. I am curious about the price they’re willing to pay for independence and/or security, the degree to which either of them wants/needs those things. Mameha has paid a price, and part of Sayuri’s struggle in the novel is with that question.

I feel like I’m rambling and not making a lot of sense, even to myself.

General Prompts

What if Sayuri chose Nobu instead, and accepted him as her danna before the war? What if she accepted him after the war? Sayuri appreciating Nobu, with optional romantic edge How does Nobu feel when he realises what Sayuri’s done? What does he know, what is he told, does he try to find out more? Is his respect once lost gone forever? Sayuri could be the Chairman’s but he could never be hers – he already had a wife – but Nobu would have been hers. Would she want this? What would Sayuri want, given the opportunity? Nobu and Sayuri being affectionate to one another, even gruffly and distractedly. How would an evening with Sayuri, Nobu and the Chairman unfold? With or without Mameha to guide Sayuri’s choices to their advantage? Exploring the differences between the pair – in power (financial, sexual, influence), personal freedom, status, ability to make their own decisions, the rules they play by. What do they have in common? They are both survivors, at the top of but on the outside of their respective worlds. (Teahouses, factories, okiyas, battlefields.) Sayuri and Nobu have an en. How else does this manifest?            Do Nobu and Sayuri ever meet again, in the future? Are things frosty, all bridges burned? What if Pumpkin does bring Nobu instead of the Chairman? Mameha’s hair ornament metaphor A quiet tea for two Is Sayuri more of a daughter to Mameha than a sister?

7. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

Characters: Elizabeth Bennet, Fitzwilliam Darcy, Lydia Bennet, Georgiana Darcy, Charlotte Lucas, Catherine de Bourgh

Ships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy, Mary Bennet/William Collins, Jane Bennet & Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet & Jane Bennet, Elizabeth Bennet & Charlotte Lucas

8. Star Trek: Voyager

Characters: Kathryn Janeway, Seven of Nine, Tuvok, The Doctor, Kes

Ships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Seven of Nine & Tuvok, Seven of Nine & Naomi Wildman, The Doctor & Seven of Nine, Kathryn Janeway & Seven of Nine

9. Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game)

Characters: Barnabas-Basil Foulty, Geralt of Rivia, Roach,

Ships: Anna Henrietta & Sylvia Anna, Barnabas-Basil Foulty & Geralt of Rivia, Cirilla Fiona Elen Riannon & Geralt of Rivia, Geralt of Rivia & Regis, Geralt of Rivia & Roach

(I’ve only played The Witcher 3; it’s apparently my Covid game.)

I saved Blood and Wine as a Christmas gift for myself, and I luxuriated in it over the next month or so. It was an excruciating month personally and Toussaint was the perfect escape, whimsical and hilarious one moment and then ocean-deep in intrigue the next. I adored it. And if any world in The Witcher is set up for both tricks and treats, it’s Toussaint. I would love more from that part of this world.

I’m short on specific prompts here, but perhaps the generic list of likes and dislikes at the top of the letter will spark joy.

More of those mushrooms that let Geralt speak to Roach.

BB’s POV of any of Geralt’s exploits, heroic or nonsensical

Visitors to the vineyard

Explorations of the darker side of Toussaint – vampires, the orphanage

10. Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery

Characters: Anne Shirley

Ships: Anne Shirley/Gilbert Blythe

I’m reading the books at the moment for the first time, after enjoying most of Anne with an E earlier this year. I’ve finished the first three books so far (Anne of Green Gables/Avonlea/the Island) and now I’m half way through both Windy Poplars and House of Dreams, although I’m losing steam a bit.

I enjoy Anne’s imagination, and all its potential for getting her into trouble, even as a young woman. I love the richness of the seasons and the scenery. I wish there was more of Gilbert, who only seems to appear fleetingly (at least in any substantial way), and I also wish there was more of Anne’s childhood in her adulthood (so far). I’m new to the canon so I don’t have dozens of ideas and wishes, leading to a short list, but at the moment I am just looking for more – of any, of all. And that more can be treat-y, or you can lift the veil on the dark side of the stories for tricks, I will be delighted. If these prompts aren’t doing it for you, see if anything generic at the top of the letter sparks joy.

Gilbert POV of anything

A missing moment from their non-courtship (or their engagement)

Somebody’s presumed dead!

True horror in the haunted woods!

A grown-up look at a grown-up relationship

[winderlylandchime]

Hello! I am very late because I unfortunately did not have the time to read chapter 11 when you uploaded it so my bad for coming to you with tears and screaming about feelings a week later (just as you uploaded a new chapter which i also have feelings about): you broke my heart! MY HEART GOT SHATTERED! I loved the beginning of it that showed Brian taking care of Justin and being around him (god i wish we got more of that in s2) but my heart still broke for both of them. Justin bring in pain and frustrated and Brian just being lost while trying his best. “He pours every unspoken word from that parking garage into the impossible task of managing every detail of Justin’s treatment” oh how about you just stab me in the heart and get over it? I legit wanted to cry while reading this chapter. Btw also my jaw dropped and so did my heart when Mikey called Brian a whore at comicon, i literally threw my phone on the bed and walked away. I was ready to fight him all while hugging Brian (you know what Kevin heart meme where a woman is holding him like a kid, basically me) NOW, here comes the real heartbreak. The night alone. I wanted to fucking cry when reading the rest of the chapter. “…across the dark loft and in the quiet of the night that makes bravery possible, that it had also been the best night of his life” vs “But a bat did slice through the air of that best night and took it all away.” MY HEART! I genuinely gasped at that part because poor Brian and obviously Justin but in this case Brian finally felt something and it was stolen and i am having an entire crisis over it. The only thing I did love (by THAT i mean as in like “yessss!!!!!” Type of moment, because trust me i LOVED every single word in this chapter even if did slice me in half when i read it) was when Ted recommended Brian marketing and more education. Like yes baby!! You were made for that!!! But also the ending with Mikey and Brian? It was very much needed and expected obviously but you did it very well. It obviously kills Brian because of his promises but im so happy that they finally let him walk away. And the ending with Emmett? Gosh, i am a slut for Kinneycutt so thank you for delivering them from the beginning but especially in this little moment. And obviously the ending once again HURT. “The days turn dark and cloudy after Justin leaves. // this is just another gloomy winter in Pittsburgh. That the sun will shine again.” MY HEART IS GONE! Cant even describe the moment when I read this paragraph because it was a mix between jaw on the floor and a sobbing mess. Anyway sorry for this extremely long blabbering message.

Hello dear sweet anon!

You NEVER have to apologize for coming to my asks at any point to talk about a fic! It could be the minute I post or years later… I can pretty confidently tell you that this is true for any other fic writer ever.

It physically hurt me to write what Mikey said to Brian. But also it feels canonically accurate (301! 301!) even though I didn’t have Brian punch him for this (because Brian would only punch Mikey to defend Justin not to defend himself).

Brian having those memories alone is the most heartbreaking part of S2 for me. I am so glad I was able to capture that heartbreak in this chapter for you. (And sorry because Feelings but also happy).

Kinneycutt my beloved! I’m so glad you love them as much as I do. Underrated duo (although I think the tumblr fandom has appropriate appreciation for them).

Sorry not sorry that I love that you sobbed and that the chapter “sliced you in half.” I am 100% here to make people Feel Things With My Words and this message has brought immense joy to my day/week/month/year.

[myloveforhergoeson]

tysm for the tag <3 i've only ever written the one story so my answers may be redundant, but i can talk about specific chapters of my story!

How many works do you have on A03?

just That's All She Wrote! but if we want to count individual side stories, different pov stories, and the au story that puts me closer to 10 i think!

What's your total word count?

tasw is currently 422,680 words! what!!

What fandoms do you write for?

big time rush! a long time ago i tried to write a that 70s show fic that was hyde/female oc but i got to embarrassed and deleted it lmao. she was the original roxanne (roxanne walters!!) and a few of her traits morphed into creating roxy for tasw. i also attempted a young justice wally west (kid flash)/female oc fic (althea prince) as well but only got through a rewrite of the first episode... all abandoned in favor of that's all she wrote which i think is the best choice :)

Top 5 fics by kudos:

you'll never guess... but that's all she wrote... :) but the most liked chapter on wattpad is the first one! and on here the chapter with the most notes is my most recent chapter, Sick, Sick, Sick!

Do you respond to comments?

i do my very best to!! i love love love comments and as we all know i always have soooo much to say. they make my day so i do my best to give that energy back to the commenter <3

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None so far... but lots of my chapters have angst! i think some of the angstiest i've ever been was probably chapter 19 where roxy was writing her letters, chapter 22 where roxy and camille get into a fight, and chapter 29 when mag comes to roxys door... can you tell i prefer fluff lolll

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

none so far, but i try my best to end most of my chapters on a happy note if situationally appropriate! i really loved the ending to chapter 18 part 2 (first rames kiss!), the christmas chapter (jersey + declan surprise!), and the slightly angsty but mostly happy end to chapter 14 (rames at the dance -> phone call to kendall)

Do you get hate on fics?

not to my knowledge but tbh i don't really think i'd care. i read a lot of fics as i was growing up and i know what i like and what i don't which is why i started writing tasw in the first place. additionally, i know that i can just close out of something or stop reading or whatever and i don't need to let the author know. but i saw a post the other day about people calling original characters cringe and whatnot and that hurt for a fraction of a second before i realized how much work i've put into my story and how it led me to this blog here and all of you and i felt soooo much better

Do you write smut?

i don't but i sure do read a lot of it lolll. i can hardly write kissing without kicking my feet and giggling and getting all silly about it i can't even imagine how i'd be if i tried to write smut - it would certainly affect the quality of my writing bc i'd be far too embarrassed

Craziest crossover?

i haven't written a crossover but i think there's lots of room for btr crossovers! i think i'm going to write a victorious/icarly/btr crossover just for fun as an additional tasw chapter. there's an episode of icarly where they go to a party in LA and meet the victorious kids - i think i'd be fun to throw btr + rox into the mix :)

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

erm. yes kind of. not the whole thing but mostly just original scenes + a few points of roxy's backstory i've written copied and pasted into another fic i found. still trying to figure how to bring it up to the author in a nice way without them thinking im coming for them...

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i haven't, but how neat would that be! it would certainly be a massive undertaking

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

another thing i haven't done, but it might be cool. not really sure how it'd work out if i tried as i'm a pretty sporadic writer. i also don't do so well with deadlines

All-time favorite ship?

RAMES DUH! lolll jkjk. most of the fics i traditionally read are /ocs or /reader (i just put roxanne in the place of "me") but i've been reading so much btr fic lately and honestly any one of those ships have really been doing it for me lol. been pretty big into house and wilson from house md recently too

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i am going to do my very very very best to finish everything i've started in my tasw-sphere because i am so dedicated to this project and i desperately want to see it through. i don't see myself undertaking another project like this though... if you can't tell im very particular about my stories, i love them super super long, and i add in so much extra stuff. but my t70s fic was really fun to write when i was (it was basically bad boy x good girl... god im kicking my feet just thinking about it) and i was super super into my young justice fic for a while (silly boy x serious girl? not quite grumpy x sunshine but somewhere along those lines), but i'm not sure those'll ever be worked on again. we'll see!

What are your writing strengths?

is length a strength? i looooove a long fic. maybe that puts me in the detailed category?

What are your writing weaknesses?

i've never really understood grammar and like... good sentence structre? obviously i know how to write lol i don't believe i'm a terrible writer but i feel like i write more of a flow of consciousness instead of well formated sentences. i drag my sentences out so much. i use "as" like once a sentence and it's been starting to drive me crazy

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

english is the only language i speak fluently + i took four years of spanish in school; i think i'd be comfortable writing basic words and sentences in spanish but anything beyond that i don't think is for me. any other language i'd like to include would also be basic things like greetings, colors, or numbers probably and not much beyond just out of respect for people who do speak that language. i wouldn't want to badly butcher something as important as the language someone speaks!!!!! but on a sidenote i love it when i'm reading a story and i have to look up translations though, feels like a little scavenger hunt hehe

First fandom you ever wrote in?

technically t70s but i never published. i'd consider this btr still

Favorite fic you've written?

you'll never guess...

EEE THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN!! i'm tagging anyone who wants to add on; i'd love to hear what you have to say!! <33

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Found this browsing Tumblr. Nobody tagged me, but I wanted to do this anyway.

How many works do you have on A03? 15 (and more to come)

What's your total word count? 1,235,276

What fandoms do you write for? Big Time Rush, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation, Criminal Case, Harry Potter, Loonatics Unleashed, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012 series), Thunderbirds (1965 series), and Transformers: Prime

Top 5 fics by kudos: The Thunderbird and the Doctor (96), The Adventures of Avery Samuels: Welcome to Grimsborough (94), Save You (74), In the Darkness (72), Take a Shot in the Dark (61) - this is at the time of answering this

Do you respond to comments? I respond to comments on The Thunderbird and the Doctor only. (Because I started it when I only had limited fics and wanted to keep going.) Beyond that, I only reply if someone has a question.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? So far, my completed fics have happy endings, but the angstiest ending will be in The Adventures of Avery Samuels: Welcome to Grimsborough.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably The Thunderbird and the Doctor. I gave my couple a happily ever after.

Do you get hate on fics? Not since I've been on AO3.

Do you write smut? Oh God yes

Craziest crossover? Haven't written a crossover

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Oh my God, yes!

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but it'd be cool if someone wanted to.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Way back when and it never worked out.

All-time favorite ship? Do shipping canon characters with my OCs count?

What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I feel like I'll finish all my WIPs, but Avery Samuels is going to be my longest story, so it feels daunting.

What are your writing strengths? Apparently, I'm good at cliffhangers.

What are your writing weaknesses? A lot (my confidence is nonexistent)

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? I don't mind it as long as a translation's easily accessible. Never written with another language, but I won't say no to the challenge.

First fandom you ever wrote in? Loonatics Unleashed

Favorite fic you've written? No! Don't make me pick! It's like picking a favourite child!

I nominate @myloveforhergoeson @kristylime @ligercat and anyone else who wants to do it!

[finelinevogue]

Can you do something where Y/N is sick and Harry has to take care of her please?

i actually had written something similar to this before so i present you a lengthy blurb;

You were pretty sure if you got invited in to hell it would feel something like this.

Hot. Sticky. But chilled.

You had come down with a concerningly high temperature. Along with the added luxuries of a deafening headache, cold sweats and an upset tummy. Your body was burning all over, as if it had just been freshly cooked in the oven but you felt colder than ice. It was a confusing juxtaposition, but there it was.

You'd called Harry, since he was in the studio recording his new music and asked him to come home early. You didn't even get to the reasoning of why he should come home before he hung up, telling you he was already vacating the premises. You hated to be that needy girlfriend who had to call about nearly everything, but Harry loved it more than anything. He loved the fact that you needed him. It gave him purpose, apparently .

You couldn't work out whether you regretted asking him to come home, or whether it was a blessing. It was a very fine line.

It was a blessing because, he looked after you like a mother would her child and made sure he stood by your side any time you found yourself lurched over a toilet. He made you chicken soup from scratch and even tested it to make sure it wasn't too hot, or salty - despite being a vegetarian himself. He even made you honey and lemon tea, which he had to run to the store for the honey. When you say run, you mean run. He didn't want to leave you alone at all, so he put on his running shoes and sprinted to the shop and back. However, it was a slight regret because of how fussy he was over you. He loved it to bits - nursing to your every need.

You truly believed you didn't deserve Harry. He was just too kind and pure for his own good. You were unarguably lucky. Laying on what felt like your death bed, didn't feel so lucky though.

It was now 10 pm and you could hear Harry turning on the alarm for downstairs, the loud beeping noise preventing you from sleep. That's all you'd done all day. Sleep. You thought it'd be more magical than it was. It was just uncomfortable though, because of how cold and hot you were.

Your much better looking other half trudged through the bedroom door within a minute of the alarm going off. He was only wearing checkered pyjama bottoms and a white t-shirt and yet he made it look like Gucci Runway 2021.

The jingling of keys signalled Charlie was also present. Charlie was your 2 year old Golden Retriever. He was beautiful. When you and Harry has moved in together 2 years ago you'd managed to persuade him to get a dog. Within a few weeks of moving in you had a 5 month old puppy running around your house. He was your best friend, no doubt about it. He was also ridiculously photogenic.

"Hey Chaz!" You cooed as Charlie walked over to your side of the bed, where you were snuggling down under the sheets. You reached out your hand to give him some loving and attention. You could tell by the small smile and sparkling eyes that he was one happy boy.

"Alright, buddy. Let's leave mum alone." Harry came behind Charlie to manoeuvre him into his bed, which was in the corner of the room. It was more like a big cushion. He started to whine after being forced to leave you - having not seeing you all day. Harry was strict in keeping him downstairs so not to disturb you whilst you were sleeping.

"H it's alright, let him on the bed. He can curl up on my feet." You sympathised with Charlie, as you always did, hating to hear or see him upset. Harry was like the 'bad-cop' when it came to parenting Charlie, because you were too sweet to say no to him.

"You're one spoilt boy, aren’t you?" Harry messed around with Charlie, before telling him he could get up on the bed to see you. Charlie leapt on the bed and wandered over to give you all the kisses he could, before Harry came to calm him down - as you really didn't have the strength.

"I missed you too, Chaz." You quietly laughed, not wanting to set your headache off even more.

"You gonna let me kiss mum now?" Harry rhetorically asked, but as he came over to you Charlie laid down on you so your face was buried underneath his body. You could feel him panting with his adorable tongue out above you, as he hid you from Harry.

"Someone's jealous."

"Feeling like a bloody third wheel over here." Harry tutted and you laughed until you got hot with the movement.

"Harry? Can you move him please?" You whined as you tried to shuffle around.

"Okay Chaz. Let's let mum get some sleep, alright?" Charlie is slowly removed from you and ends up curled on top of your feet, keeping them warm for you.

Harry slipped into the covers and shuffled his way over to you, putting the back of his hand over your forehead and hissing quietly at the simple touch.

"Baby you're so hot." Harry complained.

"I know." You teased with a wink at him, taking his worry out of context and turning it into a flirting compliment.

"Oh piss off!" He chuckled and wrapped an arm around your waist to bring you closer. "What am I going to do with you, baby?" Harry then planted only a few delicate kisses to your lips - not wanting to overwork you and your tired body.

••••

You woke up with drowsy eyes to find you're in bed alone.

Your throat was incredibly dry and your whole body was sticky from sweat. Your pyjamas were damp and your face looked like it'd just been drowned in a rainstorm. It was disgusting. Still, you brought the duvet up to cover yourself more, as you let out a dramatic shiver. Why was it so cold?

Mixed into the background noise you could hear the cheering of crowds and it really confused you, until you looked at the wall and noticed the football was playing on re-run on the TV. Manchester United Vs Manchester City. You hated that you knew that just from their football uniforms, but that's what you get for living with a football-crazed boyfriend.

You noticed Harry emerge from the bathroom, a washing up bowl in his arms. He came and sat down in bed, the bucket of water to his side. "What are you doing?" You quietly asked, peering up at him through tired eyes.

"Oi, you're meant to be sleep y’minx." Harry told you off.

"I can't. I'm too uncomfortable. I'm hot, but i'm cold. I also find it hard to sleep without you next to me." You huffed out in annoyance.

"My poorly baby." He leant down to kiss your forehead, "c’mere, baby." He urged.

He helped you move, seeing as your body was really weak, so you could lay down against Harry’s body. He was sat up against the headboard as you nestled down between his legs, your back to his front. It was a lot more comfortable than before - probably because Harry was closer to you. Charlie noticed the disturbance and waited for you to stop moving around, before maintaining the job of guarding your feet.

Once he was happy in his position he fell asleep again, making you jealous of his ability to do that. Especially now.

"Why's the football on?" You asked, motioning towards the TV.

"Had to keep myself awake somehow." He explained, but it only made you more confused.

"Why?"

"So I can take care of you, y’muppet." His words actually melted your heart - more than chocolate could melt on your forehead right now.

After you'd settled, Harry reached into the bucket and drained out a cloth. He made sure all the excess water was cleared before moving it away from the bucket. You hummed in appreciation when he placed it against your forehead, rotating it to the back of your neck also in order to relax and cool you. It made you realise just how hot you were.

"I think i'm dying, Harry." You groaned as the nausea came over you again. Harry kept a firm hold of the cloth on your forehead, dabbing gently and careful to not let any water drip down into your eyes.

"No you're not, baby." Harry gave you a light-hearted laugh.

"Well, living shouldn't feel as shitty as this H." You grumbled, not appreciating his lack of understanding.

“Then just let me take you to the chuffing hospital!" He exclaimed, making Charlie stir slightly.

Harry had been demanding you go to the hospital all day and all evening, but you were too stubborn to go. That, and you were terrified of hospitals - more terrified of needles and blood than anything else. However, you were starting to reach the point where you were giving in to his request, though. It was becoming unbearable to sleep and harder to breathe. You were worried for yourself.

"I don't like it." You pouted like a child, as Harry wrung the cloth through the fresh water again.

"I don't care whether you like it or not, Y/N, I really think we should go. More like need." Harry insisted and you could tell he wasn’t giving up without a fight. You didn’t want that either.

You hated how he was right.

It was only going to get worse from here, and you didn't really want to be alive when that was going you happen, so going to the hospital to get checked over and drugged up seemed like the best option to go for. The more sensible option.

"Fine." You finally accepted, Harry slinking his arms tight around your waist after discarding the cloth in to the bucket. He nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck and planted an abundance of kisses there, your skin burning just to the touch.

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." He repeated in-between kisses.

•••••

It took 20 minutes to get in to the car. 20 minutes.

All because Charlie was reluctant to letting you get up and go. So Harry had to dress you into a more appropriate attire, with a dog sat on your lower body. It was then half an hour later that you were in the hospital.

The hospital was quiet at this time of night and for that you were grateful. It was obviously a night where little numbers of people were doing silly things to get themselves hurt. There was the odd patient for a minor cut injury and there were a couple of people in for burns. There was even a woman in because she accidentally superglued her hand to a bottle of superglue - ironic, but painful.

You sat patiently on Harrys lap, waiting for someone to escort you to a cubicle. You were freezing cold, to the point where your teeth were chattering - your outside body was giving off the opposite temperature. You tried to get as close to Harry's warmth as possible, pushing your body against his.

"You're alright baby." Harry shushed you, as you let out a small tremble.

"If I do die—"

"Which you won't." Harry chuckled.

"I know, but if I did I want you to know that I love you." You told him. Even though he's heard you say it a million times before, it still made his heart flutter as you spoke each word.

"I love you, baby." He kissed the side of your head. "But you're going to be just fine, so no more talking about you dying okay?"

"Why? It's only a natural thing." You pointed out.

"Sure, but I don't want to think of a world without my girl living in it. So zip it before I make you."

You never thought of dying as a world without Harry before now and it wasn't the time to start thinking about it either. It was a horrible thought and you understood why Harry didn't want you speak about it. That world would be so dark and empty and you hated thinking about it.

Harry was called to the front desk to fill in some forms for you, since your hands were too cold and shaky to do it for yourself. He accidentally wrote 'Styles' as your second name, before realising his mistake and scribbling it out.

“Shit.” Harry went red in the face and chuckled over his silly mistake. His hand was shaky and you smiled at how he got so flustered over something so simple. You rested your hand on top of his, bringing his attention to you.

“One day.” You told him and he leaned to give you a kiss on the lips. You couldn’t help but feel like his lips were a future promise to make sure he wouldn’t have to scribble out his second name the next time it was written next to yours.

The doctor saw you shortly afterwards and you thanked your lucky stars that there was no injections or removal of any blood involved, Harry sticking with you the whole time. Turns out you were suffering from a moderate fever, but the doctor said with good rest it should pass. The doctor had given Harry permission to make a big fuss over you - explaining how he was going to love it and you were going to hate it - and to make sure to come back with even the slightest worsen of the fever. You got given a prescription list of various medications that you'd need to take over the next week or so. After collecting the drugs, you were back in the car on the way home.

"Told you you weren't going to die." Harry smiled, happy to have you still by his side, whilst holding your hand over the gear console.

"Unfortunate for you, I guess."

"Will you shut you, y’bloody nuisance. You know I can't do life without you, Y/N." He spoke softly, squeezing your hand tighter to assure you that he's going nowhere.

"Same here." You smile at him and he smirks back at you with his dimple-loving smile.

"You’ll always be it for me, baby." Harry speaks, before you drift back off to sleep.

Happily.