#so a lot of time and effort has been put in this

[moonstruckme]

hi!! if you’re up for it could i please request a poly marauders (or really any of the marauders) x passively depressed/apathetic reader. like reader being nervous about a doctors appointment and having health anxiety but then saying “oh i don’t even know why i’m scared because it’s not like i’ll care if i die,” and the boys just being like ??? just a lot of comfort pls!! love your work btw!! (sorry if that’s kinda confusing 😖 english isn’t my first language)

Thanks lovely <3

cw: depression, reader has some passive suicidal ideation but it's from an outside perspective

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 850 words

Remus rubs your shoulder after you get off the phone call confirming your doctor’s appointment. You sink into his side like dough softening at rest. “Would you like me to go with you?” he offers. 

You hum, quiet and complaisant. “You don’t have to.” 

“I don’t mind. It’s after I get off work anyway, isn’t it?” 

“Yeah.” 

“So what else would I be doing but being with you?” He says it with some levity, hoping to inspire a similar feeling in you, but you don’t crack a smile. 

Instead, you sink deeper into his side, the collar of your jumper rising up to bump your chin in the process. You look like a tortoise retreating into its shell. Remus kisses your hair. 

You’ve been rather in your own head lately. Quiet, passive, not really laughing. It tears at Remus’ heart to see you so upset with yourself, but he’s not very worried. You’ll come out of it. He’ll help you. And he’ll be here with you in the meantime. Even if it doesn’t always seem like you care for him to be. 

“Do you not want me to come?” he asks, trying not to let insecurity leak into his tone. 

“No.” You finally look up at him, your sweet eyes guilty. “No, I’d like you to come. If you want to. I just, I know it’s not fun, so if you’d rather stay home…” 

Remus makes a dismissive sound, relieved. “Don’t be silly, I always have fun with you. Sweetheart, you could make the doctor’s office fun.” 

This time you hear the humor in his tone and smile. It looks like it costs you some effort. “Thank you,” you say quietly. 

He shushes your thanks away, going back to rubbing your shoulder. “Are you nervous?” he asks. 

You sigh as though disappointed with yourself. “Yeah. I don’t know why.” 

“That’s alright, lovely. It’s not how anyone wants to spend their time. And you always worry that something awful’s going to be wrong, but it never is.” 

“I know,” you say dully. “But I don’t get why I’m worried. I don’t even really…” 

You trail off, your mouth wincing like you wish you hadn’t said anything at all. You won’t look at Remus. 

He knows what you wanted to say. 

I don’t even really care. 

You don’t care about much these days. What you eat for dinner, how long your commute from work takes, what film your friends want to see at the cinema. But Remus thought you still cared about some things. The important ones. A heavy, sick feeling takes form in his stomach. 

“Hey,” he says softly. It takes you a few moments to look at him, but you do. You look the tiniest bit afraid. Not in the same way he is; not for yourself, only for what you might’ve revealed. “Can I give you a hug?” 

You frown, nodding like of course. Remus uses the arm already around your shoulders to bring you into his lap, your knees folded on either side of his hips. When he rubs your back, you curl forward to put your face in his neck like you’ve been waiting years to do it. 

Your warm breaths tickle against his skin. He loves you so much he thinks he could collapse under the weight of it. 

“Thank you for making the appointment,” he says, making broad, sweeping circles on your back. “It matters to me that you’re healthy, and that you’re taking care of yourself. It’s important.” 

You deflate a bit against his front. He can nearly picture you shutting your eyes, brows pinched. “Remus…” 

“I love you,” he presses his lips to the side of your head, “so much. We’re going to be old and feeding birds in the park one day, you know? I need you to be able to come sit on our bench with me.” 

There’s a prolonged silence, wherein Remus begins to worry he’s frightened you into reticence, but then, “We already feed birds in the park.” 

He smiles. “We do. But it’ll be much more becoming when we’re all feeble and grey, won’t it?” 

“You’re feeble now.” 

“Oi,” he laughs. Utterly delighted with you. “When did you get so sharp?” 

“Sorry.” Your cold nose bumps his throat. 

“That’s alright.” Remus kisses your head again, not wanting you to begin feeling guilty. “I know you don’t mean it. My sweetheart.” 

You go quiet again after that. Remus tries again. 

“So, it’s a date then? Me, you, park on the corner in fifty years?” 

“I’ll have to check my calendar,” you mumble lazily. 

“Mm, do that. See if you can pencil me in.” He rubs your back. 

“Who knows if there’ll even still be birds then.” 

Remus hums. “God, yeah. I hope there are. We’ll still be there, at least, won’t we?” 

It’s transparent, this plea for reassurance. He cringes with the audaciousness of it, worries you’ll decide now to stop sharing anything with him at all, but after a beat of quiet you sit up. 

“Yeah,” you murmur, laying a simple kiss on his lips. “Course we will.”

[evenyvn]

All You ; part 03

Idol!San x SingleMom!Reader

Summary : Little Hana noticed the spark between the two adults, tries to play cupid in her own childish ways, but her efforts often end in frustrated pouts. Despite their mutual denial, both adults are clearly drawn to each other-leaving Hana to wonder just how long it'll take them to realize they're in love.

Cw : she/her reader, sfw, fluff, third person POV, a little smau at the end, downbad san, reader has a daughter, stranger to lovers, un-established relationship, marriage mentioned, san is girl dad coded, basically a 10 year old being a matchmaker for two oblivious adults that are totally in love.

originally, this series would only have 3 parts, and this would be the last, but like—i got hit by a sudden wave of ideas, and decided to make it more than 3 parts, and the crowds... is cheering! (lmao me too, i love writing this series).

prev — masterlist — next

Hana was a clever girl—but still very much a child. Sharp-eyed, full of giggles, and not one to whisper when she could shout. And lately, she had made a very big decision: She was going to get her eomma and Uncle San to fall in love.

Because duh. (Hana’s words not me) 

San came to the restaurant a lot now. He laughed with eomma. He helped Hana with her coloring books. He brought tasty snacks everytime he came over. He even let her put stickers on his face one time and didn't complain—not even once. That made him officially the best.

And most importantly? Eomma looked happier now. She smiled more, even when she was tired. Hana thought maybe San had magic or something. Probably.

But they were both so slow. Even for a 10 year old little Hana begins to feel frustrated. 

She might be 10 but she knows from the other moms that frequently visit the restaurant—that if San and her eomma fall in love with each other, they will get married, and if they get married that means San is going to be eomma's husband, eomma's husband means Hana's appa! she giggles delightfully when she realizes that she will finally get a dad she never had. 

And thus begins her (not so) subtle playing cupid for the adults. 

One day, after school, Hana ran into the restaurant with her backpack bouncing and hair a mess. "UNCLE SAAAAN!"

San turned from his table, arms already open. Hana launched herself into them with full force, laughing as he caught her easily.

"I missed you! Did you miss me?!"

"Of course I did," San grinned, twirling her a little before settling her down. "You were gone for sooo long." he said with a playful pout.

"It was only one school day!" she giggled, puffing her cheeks. Then, eyes glinting, she leaned in close and whispered loudly, "Wanna hear a secret?"

San raised an eyebrow playfully, eyes glinting with adornment at the little girl's childish display "Always."

San bent over to her height as she cupped her small hands around his ear. "I don't have an appa, will you be my appa?"

San nearly choked on air. "W-what?!"

Hana nodded very seriously. "I want you to be my appa! because you make my eomma smile. A lot. I think you should live with us and you can eat my eomma’s soup every day. You like soup, right?"

"I mean... yes, but—"

"Good! Think about it!" she said, skipping off to color, leaving the man sitting there blinking like he’d just been hit by a very tiny freight train.

The next few days were full of chaos.

Hana, armed with all the subtlety of a marching band, began her matchmaking campaign in full. She tried everything—from drawing family portraits that included San, to pushing her mom into the seat next to him during meals. Once, she even shoved a napkin at San with the words 'KISS EOMMA??' scribbled in childish handwritting and rainbow crayons.

San coughed for a full minute making Y/N scrambled to get him a glass of water, the male could die of embarrassment right there—he thinks with his fully red cheeks. 

Y/N didn’t catch on at first. She was busy running the restaurant, balancing life, and pretending that her heart didn’t flutter every time San laughed.

She scolded Hana gently one day, after finding her rummaging through her makeup. “What are you doing with my lipstick, baby?”

“I’m making you pretty so Uncle San falls in love faster!” She said as she fiddled with a tube of lipstick, a determined look on her face. 

Y/N almost dropped the makeup pouch she was holding. Face full of embarrassment not expecting her daughter to play cupid between her and the idol. 

“But it’s okay, eomma! You’re already pretty without it! Uncle San is just really slow!” the woman almost giggle at the little comment of San but clears her throat as she gently scolds her, but of course that's not stopping Hana's master plan on getting a new dad. 

Later, while wiping tables with Y/N after closing, the memory still echoed in San’s head. He had NOT stopped thinking about it, he feels delighted of course but also nervous. 

How come a woman like Y/N didn't have someone sweeping off her feet already? She's kind, smart, and of course a beauty that could rival even a goddess. (his words, not mine). 

San sighed as he finally built a nerve to ask the woman with clammy hands, "So.. Hana said... you're not married," he said quietly. before widening his eyes in realization “W-wait I'm sorry— this might be a sensitive topic! I shouldn't have asked…” the man stuttered over his words, cold sweat rolled down his temple. 

Y/N glanced over before chuckling softly, San tried to ignore the little flutter on his heart at the sound of her laughter. "Oh. No, I'm not. Not for a while now." “And it's okay San, I've come to terms with it since years ago. I'm not ashamed you know—raising Hana all by myself for 10 years become my own accomplishment, she's everything that i could've ask for”

He nodded his heart flutter gently at the woman's adoring words, unsure what to say next. "I thought maybe... you were. That I shouldn’t... get close." He said nervously rubbing his neck. 

Y/N raised an eyebrow, before widening her eyes, realizing what the man could’ve meant, “San.. are you perhaps.. took an interest in me?” Her forwardness made the man even more flustered, almost spilling his coffee. 

“I-i… you don't mind if I do right?” 

Y/N smiled faintly, but there was something soft in her voice. "And here I thought someone like you wouldn’t think twice about someone like me."

"Why wouldn’t I?" he said with a curiosity laced on his voice. 

Y/N smiled, a tad bit unsure "You’re an idol. Young, shining, talented. I’m a mom with grocery lists and nap schedules." She chuckled lightly to lighten the sudden tense atmosphere but that didn't erase the slight frown on San's handsome face. 

"And the warmest smile I’ve ever seen," San said, almost without thinking.

She blinked.

Before anything else could be said, Hana peeked from the booth, hugging her dragon plush toy. "Did you ask her yet? Are you gonna be our prince???"

Y/N let out a startled laugh. San turned red to his ears. "Hana!" Y/N scolded gently. "You can't just say that, what if you make San uncomfortable?"

"Nooo, I’m just right!" Hana said proudly with the same determined look on her face, then yawned. "Can we all have pancakes tomorrow? Together? Like a family?"

Y/N and San shared a look.

They didn’t say yes. But they didn’t say no either.

The next day, the restaurant was busy. A couple of nosy regulars had started whispering about the idol's frequent visits. One even nudged Y/N with a wink. “You and the idol, huh?” Y/N waved it off with a polite smile, but her cheeks burned.

Later, in the back kitchen, Y/N sighed as she leaned against the counter.

“He’s too young,” she murmured to herself with a sigh “Too good. And I’ve got baggage. Not to mention it could ruin his whole reputation in a second”

But when she heard San’s laughter from the dining area—loud, bright, and genuine— the way he treated Hana so gently like a father could make something in her chest tightened. Not with fear.

With hope.

Maybe Hana was right.

Maybe San wasn’t here out of obligation.

Maybe... he really liked them.

And maybe, just maybe, she liked him too.

That night, as they cleaned up together again, San turned to face her.

"Noona. Can I ask you something weird?" He said with a playful smile although his heartbeat said otherwise. She looked at him with a teasing smile. "Only if you can handle a weird answer."

He chuckled nervously. "If I weren’t... who I am. Would you think about me differently? Like, if I were just a guy who helped your daughter carry groceries?"

She paused. Then smiled, more gently this time. "San, you are that guy. And maybe that’s the part of you I’m starting to like the most."

San didn’t answer right away. He couldn’t. Something about those words—so simple—yet it wrapped around his ribs and squeezed gently—an ache that wasn’t painful, just overwhelming not in a bad way.

He glanced at her eyes that stare at him with so much kindness and genuinity . They both stare at each other as the realization hits. Hana’s snores from the corner were the only sound for a moment.

Then San smiled—slow and wide.

"Okay then," he said softly. "That’s a start."

And Y/N nodded.

Yes. Yes, it was.

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[crowliphale]

I'm only in episode 3 of icebound but I think I really do SERIOUSLY recommend watching it under the assumption that Taishen has a crush on Jornir. It's improving their short interactions a lot for me 💭

Yap fest ahead, as well as general icebound spoilers (started jorshen focused but kinda just turned into general icebound thoughts)

first obviously taishen steered into the iceberg thinking he was following Jornir's directions, but there's also a couple times where he like. Tries Sounding Cool right after Jornir's said something ominous and mysterious and it's really funny?? Also when he woke up Jornir for his watch he was so gentle about it... Very cute. I really don't think Jornir reciprocates at this point in their journey but I'm keeping my eyes peeled 🙏

I think generally Mace is still trying to figure Taishen out at this point too, cuz I feel like everyone else has a lot of character specific moments or they know exactly what they're doing, but Taishen is just kinda quiet? Can't wait to see him get more moments to shine!

Also I was reading the firbolg wiki out of curiosity, and I learned that male firbolgs (in 5e anyway) are well over 10 feet tall, have huge beards and weigh significantly more than females! I'm obviously assuming that's been retconned in Avantris-specific lore, but it's what fueled my FTM Jornir headcanon hehe.

ALSO ALSO, Jornir has these weirdly pronounced smile lines? I guess they could come from snarling or grimacing too, but idk, I think it'd be kinda funny/cute if he used to be a pretty jovial guy in the past. The smilerrrr

Guh and Barnabos is just. He's so cool! Such a unique DND character even down to his mechanics, I love how genuine Mikey is in his sailor's paranoia and all. If he's improv-ing all the superstitions then it's really convincing! I've got a ton of ideas about Barnabos and his watery wife too 💭💭💭 very very good character

Queenie is very funny, I like Nikkie's latent ability to turn every conversation into a sex joke or a "who's on first" bit. I'll say that some of her southern colloquialisms could use some work, but at the same time it kinda feels VERY Queenie to just make up some extremely weak bullshit on the spot LMAOO. She's also been the most competent one mechanically speaking! I love that she's always keeping her material components in mind and finds ways to work them into roleplay.

Skrimm is so far the most animated. Andy always immediately knows what Skrimm's doing, he just LEAPS into the character really nicely and it's fun to watch. I ALSO ADOOOORE HOW HE PLAYS SKRIMM'S PARANOIA!! Some other characters in the past that they've described as "paranoid" are usually just mildly anxious, or are even sometimes just. Not Paranoid. But Skrimm feels so real and justified! He's suspicious of so much stupid shit and only really calms down when his friends are the ones telling him to do things! Guh he may not be my favorite in general but he's my favorite so far in his acting alone 💞

Not to mention Derek's DM'ing! It's so inspiring and nice to see him so excited about this, and learning about how much time and effort he put in is just baffling every time. 123 page planning document?! 12 pages of story planned for one session?? A WHOLE SHIP'S FLOORPLAN?! gosh he's just really really good at this right off the bat, it makes me excited seeing him be so excited. The pacing is also really good! I never find myself getting bored despite the episodes huge lengths... Guh... icebound

[elaineiswithyou-blog]

So my chronic illness has been flaring up so excuse me while I write comfort from my fav boys

TW: Sickness

You’ve been sick the past few days, ill from whatever you’ve picked up from work/college. Thankfully, the 141 have always been good with teamwork and that extends to helping you as well. Even when you’ve been feeling like you’re on death's door, they always seem to be able to help you out.

If you need an ice pack, it’s there. Trashcan? You bet. TIssues? Already there. Medicine, checked and double checked with the right timing. The best part is the doting.

Simon Riley, ever so schedule oriented, helps make sure you get medicine and get it regularly. Plus he’s a walking radiator so you’ll never be cold unless you want to be. He’s also calm and relaxed, making sure you rest properly.

Johnny does have to tone down his energy a bit when you’re feeling ill and while he’s not the best cook of the five of you, he makes a mean soup that his mama taught him when one of his siblings was ill. It’s got all the good stuff to make you better and can be cold or hot. Not to mention that he’s waiting on you hand and foot. You want food from a shop 30 minutes away? He’s already out the door love

Gaz is sweet and he understands how much work you put into the house when they’re both away and even when they are here to pitch in a hand so he makes sure he keeps it all running. He does all the household chores, laundry, cooking, cleaning, groceries. He puts all his effort into making sure you and the house are put together so you don’t have to worry about anything.

Price is a bit of all three. He helps out where he can in the house, makes sure you get medicine and will get anything you need. But most importantly, he’s calming. He makes sure none of you worry or get overwhelmed from the stress or sickness. He’s calm, stoic and a leader, even off the battlefield. He’ll hold your hand ( and the other’s) the whole time and doesn’t skip a beat. Managing you lot is his speciality so let him work and give yourself time to rest and recover

[vera-vera-vera-lynn]

Need to rant because this post ignited something beastly inside me :P

|| ๋࣭⭑

As a philosophy major, seeing that ad actually drove me fucking nuts, because I know a lot of people in my school's humanities department (as well as some in the Philosophy course itself) would actually use it.

In my city Philosophy is already considered something of a dying humanities major as it doesn't hold as much attractive options as, say, Communications, Psychology, or Political Science—so barely anyone even takes it seriously anymore. In fact, my university came so goddamn close to shutting down the Philo course entirely.

Our department's barely holding it together, and seeing other humanities majors actively thriving despite taking advantage of something like this is such a huge slap to the face.

We have maybe 15–20 students left in the entire programme, and most of them didn't even choose Philo out of genuine interest—they either just got redirected here, or decided on it as a last-minute resort. It's become such a fucking joke what with how people began seeing it as a dumping ground for has-beens and do-no-betters. It's treated as the goddamn lobby for rejects and undecideds; or worse yet, some will stay for a month to a year, only to dip out at the end when they realise how unaligned they actually are with the course. Bitch; if you wanted an easy way out, why are you here?

There's only one constant professor teaching every subject across every year level. And I say the word constant loosely—because while he technically holds the position, he's also our adviser, a.k.a. our last line of defense anytime the department's on the chopping block. The catch? He's part-time. That man is barely hanging on himself, with multiple teaching gigs at other universities; which means we only get scraps of his time, and even then, he's already usually burnt out. He's not just underpaid. The man's old, overextended, and chronically tired. The worst part? He's good. He's actually a damn good philosopher and an even better teacher. If we lose him, it's fucking over. An algorithm isn't going to help you or your professor. You're silencing the very people who've helped you develop your critical thinking skills.

The people here tend to have this preconceived notion that Philosophy is something of a 'high-brow art'—hence the lack of engagement. This is utter bullshit, by the way, because that's just double-edged classism. The whole point of it is critical access to thought—not intellectual gatekeeping. Call me petty and salty for this but this is one of the reasons why I hate it when bitches say shit like 'I'm too small-brained for this'—like, no. You're not. The fact that you're even recognising your own limitations is already a huge move in itself. You just need to put in the goddamn effort.

There's zero funding for conferences or outreach unless we tie ourselves to other, more 'useful' disciplines (our dean does what she can, but God, it's nowhere near enough; and I know damn well what our department is capable of given how much favouritism Psych and PolSci gets).

As the VP of our org, it's humiliating to have to cosplay as other departments just to get a foot in the door. And the worst part is: admin eats this shit up. They love to say things like relevance and fucking real-world application while simultaneously gutting any space we might’ve had to show how philosophy is deeply relevant, precisely because it questions the frameworks everyone else takes for granted.

Don't even get me started on AI. Half the 'cutting-edge' discourse around machine ethics, bias, decision-making, sentience, consciousness, language—all of it—is stolen straight out of philosophy. Hell, some of these LLMs are trained on archives of our papers and books. But none of y'all are hiring philosophers. No one's inviting us to panels unless we're there to play the silly widdle ethics people and make everything sound profound for five minutes before the principal takes back the mic. We're useful enough to train the machine. We're relevant enough to pad your datasets. But God motherfucking forbid you actually pay a specialist to teach or contextualise those ideas.

I felt worse rereading all the points I made considering my dad just piped in and essentially confirmed what I already knew. The bastard saw me typing and fucking laughed, saying it's just not profitable anymore. At one point in history Philosophy was regarded as the greatest of all sciences. Then religion commodified it, and soon after that technology virtually killed it. Who needs it when the people most rewarded for thinking are the ones who do it loudest, fastest, and with just enough fake nuance to sound profound in under sixty seconds?

Genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, fuck AI.

I've been begging my professor to change our output formats for these very reasons. I told him to give all of these fucking essays a break because theoretical knowledge isn't going to solve everything. Nobody gives a shit about deep dive papers on Kant when they can't even pay their rent, much less have the energy for critical theory after working a shift at some minimum-wage job.

I suppose the biggest issue about Philosophy is that it isn't as 'practical' as other subjects are. The main problem with its presence in the modern world is that it's mostly just those writing about things that won't pay the bills, won't solve the climate crisis, and sure as hell won't put food on the table. We're not necessarily equipping ourselves to survive in the world as it is right now.

But neither are we reaching anyone like this, nor are we making any true progress no matter how wonderfully the concept of AI services is presented. We are actually losing relevance in real time. We're sitting on centuries of intellectual legacy and presenting it like goddamn expired toast. Philosophy was revered for its ability to interrogate meaning and question the frameworks that govern society. And now philosophers are being asked to hand its intellectual power over to algorithms and systems that don't even feel.

People forget that that's the real kicker: companies want philosophy specialists to 'work with' AI, but what in the giggling goddamn fuck does that even mean?

Some of y'all say we're supposed to fix AI with the same academia we've spent years honing. But instead of doing the deep, reflective work philosophy was built on, we're now just handing over centuries of intellectual labour, programming our thoughts into a machine, and hoping this utter parasite of a system works. Yes, artificial intelligence may have its benefits—but that doesn't take away the fact that you're letting automatons belittle all the history and all the hard work that built the foundations of human understanding.

Stop pretending like AI can actually solve problems. They don't. They can't. They can get as humanlike as they can, they can mimic our speech and our processes to sharper degrees, but at the end of the day they're soulless machines. They don't have the same capabilities you or I do. Stop it. Just stop.

this ad wants to hire philosophy specialists to train their AI.

in philosophy.

they want to train the machine that can't think on the subject that's literally thinking about thinking.

someone smarter than me write in the comments how the classical philosophers are freaking out in the afterlife

(diogenes brandishing a texting autocomplete feature: Behold, a man!)

[iwoulddieforher]

Necessary Sting | Alex Cabot x Casey Novak

rewarding my readers with comfort no hurt after all the stuff I've been putting you through lately. :) everyone say thank you rynn

Essentially: Alex has an off day, and Casey comes over with a sore shoulder from softball playing. nonsexual (..borderline at some points but hey, with a body like Casey's in front of you, what did you expect Alex to do?) body worship. Technically written as a continuation of "Rigid" although it is not at all necessary to read the former before reading this. 4.4k words

It was one of the rare days when Alex didn't have work, and Casey did, and Alex was mildly irritated. Not that she had a break, no, but because usually when she took a day off she plotted it weeks in advance to make sure the time spent off would have some purpose- visit a museum she had wanted to see, make plans with a friend she hadn't seen in a while, invite Olivia over for a home-cooked meal that inevitably turned into takeout after Alex burned the food- some, vague but still some, idea of what to do. 

She didn't have anything to do because she had forgotten this day was marked off. It must've been the day for an event her family or bosses wanted her to attend, but after a couple hours of trying to figure out what she was due for, it appeared as though she genuinely had nothing on schedule. A call to her secretary informed her that it was due to some sort of mix-up, and she was free to do whatever she wished, and they’d figure it out. 

Alex did not like making plans on short notice. She needed the time to process what she was going to do and in what order she was going to do it in at least a few hours before doing it, and she had no idea what she even wanted to do today, so she did absolutely nothing. 

It was irritating, doing nothing. She wanted to spend her time on some halfway-useful purpose. 

A call illuminated her dark phone screen and she picked up immediately without registering the caller ID, bored enough that she was fine speaking to genuinely anyone if it provided any amount of entertainment. 

“Cabot,” She spoke out of reflex, although this was her personal phone so whoever was calling her most likely was someone she wouldn't need to be so formal with. 

“Novak,” a woman’s voice responded, a bit of a snort in her voice as she imitated the clear-cut formal tone that had just been used on her. 

“Casey,” and here Casey grinned at the smile so present in Alex’s voice, even though she couldn't see it, “How can I help you?” 

“There's a softball match I’m playing in tonight,” Casey told her, “Would you want to come with? I haven't seen you in a while.” 

Alex paused, internally debating it in her mind. Yes, she had nothing to do, but if she was honest with herself despite how much she loved watching Casey play, the idea of sitting on those grimey bleachers especially with such little time to mentally prepare herself for it was not ideal. Sometimes she could put up with it, as she had before, but today was not really one of the days she could fight against the urge to be somewhere less … wild.

“You can say no,” her … whatever Casey was to her … said seriously over the phone, “I’m not one of those people who offers things with expectations.” 

Alex wished Casey could see the smile that flashed briefly over her face at that comment. It meant a lot to her. She liked when expectations and efforts and intentions were laid out a bit more simply, the people she was raised around where not like that in the slightest. Casey was clear cut in a delicious way. If she liked something she said she didn't, if she didn't she wouldn't, and she wanted her to do something she’d ask, and if she requested something it wasn't a demand.

“I’m not sure I’m in the mood to spectate today,” Alex agreed, but after a quick second decided she did really want to see Casey tonight. “But- would you want to come over, after?” 

“I’m game,” she heard a soft chuckle from Casey’s side of the line, “but I’ll be over later, then, I’d need to go home to shower first.” 

“Shower here,” Alex said before considering it.

She could feel Casey’s eyebrows raise despite the blocks of bustling New York between the DA’s office and her apartment, feel the way they arched as if Casey was shooting her a look, which she was. 

Since the night that had blazed an impression of itself onto Alex’s heart, the moments spent tossing a softball back and forth in an empty stadium, Alex had thought quite a bit about what opportunity might exist within Casey Novak. 

Going back to Casey’s apartment, soft hands on her hips when Casey pushed her down to the couch, easily sliding a leg over to recreate the position they had been in on the field, although this time, Alex had let her stay on top. 

She’d let her decide how much she wanted to take, because if it was up to Alex to offer, a lot more would have been on the table than what they had done. 

But they hadn't done much since then- time was a tricky thing to navigate with the job they worked- so where exactly their relationship lay Alex was not entirely sure. 

“Alright,” Casey said, right as Alex was beginning to tug on her fingers from nerves, “Then- I’ll see you at yours, say, eight thirty?” 

“Sounds good,” Alex nodded, stealing a deep breath. 

“Alex?” 

“Yes?” 

“What’s your address?” 

“Oh,” Alex felt her cheeks color, but she rattled off her place of base hastily and when Casey laughed again before excusing herself and ending the call she was too enthused to be embarrassed. 

Her enthusiasm quickly dwindled when she realized she still had another couple hours to wait until Casey’s arrival, and she still didn't have anything to do, so she sighed and sprawled herself over the couch, deciding to simply read up on case law for the sake of having nothing better to do. She had already read most of these transcripts but she’d reread them anyway. One never knew what specific tidbit of information could cause a case to flip on its head, until it happened, or until you remembered something you could use. 

The sense of boredom then shifted to anxiety. She wasn't exactly sure what she had initiated. Should she try to cook something, or was ordering okay? Or would Casey grab food with friends before showing up to her's? What were they even doing- watching a movie? But then the question of what movie to pick out ahead of time arose and Alex wasn't sure about Casey’s taste in cinema at all, so that just stressed her out, too. 

Eventually, after a lot of staring blankly at her kitchen- it seemed embarrassing to make something simple, but she knew anything more complex she’d run the risk of fucking up- she sighed and decided to text her defeat. 

← Takeout okay? I’m behind on groceries 

Casey → Oh, you’re feeding me?

Alex blinked slowly at her phone, then placed it on the table with a small huff. What was that supposed to mean? What was Casey expecting? But then again, she had been the one to offer, so- wait, did Casey think this was a hookup? ‘Come over’ had been a vague thing to say. 

When she picked her phone up again she realized Casey was sending chain texts, so that wasn't all she had to base a reply off of, and her fears were somewhat alleviated. 

Casey → That's sweet of you 

Casey → What do you normally get? 

← ‘Normally’ I’m only ordering things that are easy to eat so it’s less risky to eat over my laptop and won't ruin if I’m called out in a spur

← What do you prefer? 

Casey → If it's alright with you, Chinese? But don't worry about it, I’ll pick it up on my way over. No reason for you to waste money on delivery if I’m on my way around anyway. 

← You’re on your bike? 

Casey → What did you expect? 

Casey → :) 

Alex glanced outside. There was still an hour or two of sunlight left, but regardless, she didn't like the idea of Casey being out on her bike alone at night. 

But it wasn't her place to interject on that. If Casey wanted a ride Alex could only hope she’d trust her enough to ask- the way she had the first time- but otherwise it was Alex’s job to trust Casey knew what was good for her, and if this was it, then she’d accept it. 

← Drive safely. See you soon

With that, her source of entertainment stalled again, so she went back to her articles, sighing idly.

She was now wracked with an equal amount of anticipation and anxiety that she didn't quite know how to focus properly on such a nonemergent cause like case files, so she stood and instead decided to pace idly in her kitchen, trying to decide what wine paired with whatever possible combination of food Casey might bring. 

..

..

Dishes were in the sink, a nonsense movie was on the screen, and Alex was sitting on the couch trying to pretend she wasn't listening to the water splashing as Casey showered, although that wasn't a particularly devious thing to do regardless. 

A bottle of wine had been cracked and it was nearly empty now, sitting like a proud lion on the living room table next to two empty glasses.

Alex was trying very hard to figure out what was happening. Yes, she had invited her over and also told her to shower here, but the expectations for after the shower was- very … nonexistent. Casey had said she wanted to eat quickly while the food was warm and then shower as quick as possible, because she didn't like lounging around in dirty clothes for any longer than necessary, and she had already seemed slightly freaked out about being in Alex’s expensive apartment in clothes she had sweat in. When Alex had complimented the way her hair fell so naturally in the messy ponytail she had pulled faux blonde hair into, Casey had chuckled almost nervously. Hopefully she’d be calmed by the shower, clean clothes, and washed hair.

But now Alex was getting more anxious, and hearing the water run was making her heart pound- not in a bad way- because she couldn't stop … imagining. 

Wet hair clinging to her back, her lips parted slightly as water ran down the length of bare skin- no, she couldn't be thinking about that, but it was all she wanted to think about. The muscles on her lithe, agile frame- her pale skin, the rosy tint it must be taking on from warm water. 

Her hands, god her wonderful hands, across her own chest- oh, Alex was going to get a nosebleed if she kept thinking about that, feeling her face grow warm from the thought alone. Fuck, fuck. She needed a cigarette.

She cautiously took a pillow and laid it in her lap, digging her fingers into the plush and trying to think of anything else but Casey tilting her head back in the shower, steam clouding the mirror and floating in a haze around her nude form.

“Hey, you.” The woman she had just been fantasizing about chirped, wandering back into the room. Her hair had been towel dried and then brushed through, so still damp and unnaturally straight, although her wavy curls were starting to form at the ends. She had switched into shorts that rode up on her thighs and a shirt that was too large for her, but Alex couldn't tear her eyes away from her face. 

“Oh,” Alex cursed herself, the shower must have turned off minutes ago for Casey to already be dry like this, “Nice shower?” 

“Yours is considerably bigger than mine,” Casey grinned, rolling her shoulder twice before flopping back on the couch with a groan. 

Alex studied her side profile, illuminated from both the dim lighting in the kitchen a ways away and the soft glow from the TV, still paused where they had left off before Casey had excused herself to shower. Her face was rosy and looked deliciously soft, her lips wetted and her hair was absolutely begging for Alex to toy with it. She was still warm from the shower and still radiating the humid comfort gained from it.

Casey rolled her shoulder- the same one- again, and Alex frowned softly, broken out of her inspection.

“Is it bothering you?” She asked, motioning to the shoulder Casey kept trying and failing to stretch out.

“Yeah,” Casey affirmed, closing her eyes and shaking her head softly. “Carrying the bag with all the equipment around did a number on me.” 

The throbbing of her body seemed to ripple into her hands, and Alex felt her fingers twitch. She ran her tongue along her suddenly dry lips, her heart starting to beat faster. 

“I could try to work it out,” Alex breathed, quiet and tentative, “I’ve been told I’m decent at that kind of thing. All the hunching over textbooks at law school, you know.” 

That was over-justification, and she grimaced slightly, but she wanted to touch her so bad- so ridiculously bad- and when the response she was met with was only a gentle scoff at her enthusiasm, Casey was content to settle under her ministrations. 

The faux blonde turned, back facing Alex, and the elder woman coaxed her upwards, her thighs bracketing Casey’s body. Casey sighed deeply, relaxing into the space, and Alex felt herself genuinely swooning. 

The seconds her hands met Casey’s body she felt herself muffle a moan at the feeling of her- okay, yes, through a shirt but still- in her hands. Holding her felt better than ecstasy, but she had a job to do, so she set about doing it.

Casey was watching the TV half intently, and Alex realized she had unpaused it- her attention was completely fixated on the younger woman now so she wasn't surprised she hadn't seen. She placed her hands evenly on the top of her shoulders and then began to explore her traps gently with her thumbs. The feeling of her body moving under her fingers, the way she could press down and feel the warmth bleed into her, it was all simply too much.

A loose whimper left Casey's throat, higher in pitch than anything Alex had ever heard from her before, and it was followed up with an honest to God moan when Alex’s thumb pressed against a knot of muscles near her spine. Her hand found Alex's thigh and lightly whacked it, landing a series of gentle insistent taps that reminded Alex of a dog’s tail wagging.

“Right there,” Casey gasped, “Fuck, that hurts, but it- keep going, right there.” 

Alex smirked to herself, feeling elated and triumphant. She felt like she had won some kind of victory, being able to hold Casey like this.

She kept repeating the same motion, rolling the muscle that had tensed with her thumb, and Casey kept shifting, kept letting small sounds leave with her breathing as she did it. It was utterly intoxicating. It hurt her but it healed simultaneously, the necessary burn to agitate the knotted muscles to smooth back out, leaving her waking up tomorrow without the usual sore.

Her hand snapped down against Alex’s thigh again, harder this time, needing the comfort of some kind of movement to expel the energy the stimulation of an area in pain provided her with, even though it was a good sort of pain. She glanced back apologetically, her hand smoothing along Alex's thigh to take away any sort of a sting her movement had left, but Alex only smiled and pressed her leg a bit closer against Casey’s body. If her tapping made it better, she was more than willing to let Casey slap her hand against her, and regardless, it hadn't hurt at all. 

The sting felt almost good, actually, it felt like a reward. She was helping. She was making Casey feel. The sounds felt like a reward, too.

“Wait,” Casey breathed, and Alex drew back, watching Casey sit up. 

Alex’s breath caught in her throat and she nearly swooned again- she came considerably closer, she noted, the edges of her vision had gone black just like a vinaigrette- as Casey reached one hand to the center of her back and then in a smooth motion pulled her shirt clean off of her body.

“There,” She said, her tone as triumphant as Alex felt, and settled back in the space she had been in, her body so warm and so deliciously close. There was no time wasted in reconvening her hands with Casey’s body, and now that it was skin on skin, it was even better, more intoxicating.

“God, it hurts,” Casey muttered, her back arching suddenly when Alex forced her thumb against the knot in her trapezius, “But it feels good, I- fuck, don't let me ever volunteer to carry that thing around ever again…”

Alex very selfishly wished Casey would carry that equipment bag every day for the next few years so she’d have the excuse to run her fingers along pale, warmed and softened skin, and soothe the hurt away while listening to the small sounds Casey made as she did so. 

She smelled good from the shower, her hair now adorned with the same scent of shampoo as the one Alex used, and something about it made a small ember of possessiveness inside of her purr at the realization. She was all smooth skin, all firm yet sleek muscles, breathy sounds and soft touches. Casey’s hand slid to grip at Alex’s thigh, needing the support, which Alex was happy to let her.

She supposed overworking that one muscle must cause it to burn at some point, so her hands wandered down, exploring her shoulder blades, her lower back. Casey groaned as her hands moved, and Alex felt the way she squirmed the slightest bit against her fingers at some spots. 

Alex began categorizing them, making mental notes of where Casey responded the most, where she was more sensitive and where she needed more stimulation before a response. Where she got bored, her body relaxing, and where the feeling caused a spike through her nervous system that caused Alex to wince at the feeling of Casey’s hand clenching down on her thigh. She used them in combination and the gasp Casey released made her abdomen shift comfortably in her stomach.

“That’s all I can reach from here,” She said finally, after the movie had long ended and she had traced every single inch of Casey’s back twice over.

“Then,” a pleasure-drunk Casey muttered, “I guess we change positions? If your hands aren't tired.” 

Her hands would never be tired enough to stop before Casey told her to quit.

They switched places, now with Casey on her stomach on the couch, Alex being granted the honor of straddling her thighs so she could dig into the places on the lower back that were previously too awkward to reach. From here, though, Casey couldn't grip her thigh, and although at times it had hurt it had felt meaningful to her. Perhaps they could go back to the former position later, or maybe they could do it again another day.

“Alex,” Casey cried out at one point, and Alex had cooed softly in response. “I felt it,” she affirmed, her thumb tracing a circle around a point where Casey was particularly tense, “I’ve got it, I’ll keep working.” 

“I know,” Casey mumbled, her cheek pressed against the couch material, “I just- saying your name feels natural.” 

“...then say my name as much as you like,” Alex said softly in response, glad Casey’s eyes were closed so she couldn't be teased about the flush that had spread across her cheeks.

She loved the way Casey was laid out for her, her ability to now admire every inch with no awkwardness, expectations clear. The expectation was to touch as much as she possibly could and she was very, very eager to do so. She let her hands roam freely, symmetrical across the axis of her spine but otherwise unbounded. She traced a line up the rhomboid, from near her arm to her neck, and when Casey squirmed she laughed softly and traced the length of her spine to soothe. She found the spot that had started it all on her neck again and noted the way Casey’s jaw clenched immediately. 

“You feel so soft,” Alex whispered, “so perfect.” 

“Are you drunk?” The eye that wasn't pressed into the couch blinked open, an eyebrow cocking at her, and Alex glanced over at the almost empty wine bottle with a bit of bashfulness in her expression, but Casey was only teasing. 

“Maybe,” she admitted, “But all it's doing is lowering my inhibitions. I’ve always thought you were … I’ve wanted to…” 

“You’ve wanted to touch me?” Casey asked, as though she was surprised about it, which Alex thought was rather ridiculous now.

“Obviously.” Alex grumbled, deciding to shut her up by kneading her thumb into one of the spots she had deciphered earlier, and just as she had expected Casey’s eyes squeezed shut and her mouth closed immediately. Alex grinned smugly. When Casey’s eye opened again it was scrunched in a playful glare.

“You have all of me at your disposal, then.” Casey’s voice lowered, huffing softly with amusement at the way Alex stopped breathing when she said that. 

“Flip over,” Alex breathed after only a few seconds of hesitation, lifting up on her knees so Casey had the space to writhe onto her back rather than her belly. 

Green eyes looked up at her expectantly, and Alex kissed her.

Her hands kept exploring, even though her mouth was preoccupied. Her tongue slid into Casey’s mouth, probing gently and exploring, and her hands did the same on her collarbones, sliding up to smooth over her shoulders again and wrapping her fingers around for a quick, smug second to feel Casey moan into her mouth when the knot was stimulated again. 

“Alex,” Casey hissed, and then again more insistently when Alex did it again. Alex laughed, softly, kissing the bridge of her nose and her forehead, agreeably letting her hands travel lower. 

The solar plexus was a point at which she knew she could provide the delightful responses she had been basking in, but she wanted to take her time doing so. 

Her lips were so plump and so perfect, so soft and so warm. Alex could drown in the way her body was made, in the way she used it when she pressed her hips upward to be closer against Alex’s own, in the way her arms felt tangled around Alex’s shoulders. She kissed her, and then they broke for air and she kissed her again, never wanting to stop.

Eventually she let her go because she could feel the way Casey was panting, her chest rising and falling faster, her face coated in a blush that needed a longer pause. Alex smiled, kissing her jawline, then the space at which her jaw met her ear, making her way down. 

Her neck was soft, her pulse fluttering under her skin when Alex bit lightly on her pulse point, and Casey groaned. Alex’s hands slid under her arms to grasp at her shoulders, making room to press her lips against her collarbone, making her way down and across the length of one before lavishing the other with the same attention. 

“You touch me as if I’m something fragile,” Casey muttered, and Alex paused. 

“I touch you because you're someone special,” she smiled, pressing her cheek against Casey’s skin so she could let Casey see the genuine adoration in blue eyes, “And I want you to feel like you are.” 

Something in Casey’s eyebrows twitched, as though it was a necessary pain to hear that. Alex felt her eyes soften, widen slightly before she could disguise the realization, but instead of closing down Casey grasped her by the collar and pulled her up to kiss her again, which Alex more than happily indulged.

“I like it,” Casey whispered to her when they separated a little time later, “I like the way you touch me.” 

“Good,” Alex kissed her cheek again, “I want to keep doing it.” 

Casey scoffed a soft laugh, arching her back high as if showing off all the skin that was for Alex’s taking. Alex grinned and indulged her in that, too. She picked up where she had left off, kissing trails down the flat of her chest.

Casey had said her entire body was on limits, essentially, Alex had her consent, but she decided tonight was not for sexual conquest, she only wanted to feel, to make warm, to relax. Besides, despite the occasional wriggle or protest from Casey, it seemed like the faux blonde was on the verge of falling asleep, lulled by a combination of intense exercise, food, a warm shower and Alex’s hands into a blissful haze that Alex did not want to interrupt. 

Because of that, Alex skipped over her breast, leaving her bra on to admire but not engage with. She traced the faint outlines of Casey’s ribs, and revealed in the contented sigh that Casey made as she did so. She pressed a kiss to Casey’s sternum, right above the place at which the bra cups connected and again once right below it, her hands tightening in grip slightly in a way that she knew would feel good as she slowly slid her hands down to grip at Casey’s waist. Casey groaned again, shifting one way and then the other, as if she wanted to feel the pressure even tighter on both sides. Alex pressed her down and closer and a small huff was elicited, which she smiled at, pressing her lips against the space below the one she had just done.

The TV shut down automatically after receiving no input for long over an hour, so they were bathed in darkness, the backrest of the couch shielding them from the little light the kitchen could shine into the living room. Alex couldn't see her smile anymore but she could feel it which she was utterly content with. 

Alex kissed against her upper abdomen, her hands resting comfortably around Casey's waist as she lowered her lips to kiss a line down the linea alba, smoothing her tongue over the soft ridges of Casey’s abs. Casey squirmed, tilting her head back as her hands reached to smooth into Alex's hair. 

She smoothed her hands lower, thumbs extending as far as she could while remaining by Casey’s sides, traveling down to grasp at her hips, before gathering at the line of symmetry and then pushing gently back up. Casey’s leg kicked out automatically and Alex grinned triumphantly. 

“How do you know how to do this?” Casey’s voice was slightly higher, her tone almost like a loose whine that sounded delicious in the rasp that came with her vocals. “I- I’ve…”

“I know,” Alex pressed a kiss to her navel, and then with a teasing bit of smugness, “I’m very good.” 

Casey’s eye roll was noted in feeling even when Alex couldn't see it and she laughed, softly, kissing the small ribbon on the woman's pajama pants before finally raising her head again, stretching her arms over her head to ease some of the tension being hunched over her form had so long had created. It was a necessary kind of soreness, one she was exceptionally proud of.

“You are very good,” she admitted after a pause, and then felt Casey’s hands tugging at the top of her thighs, pulling her slightly off balance and pulling her down against her. 

Alex breathed out, slowly, her thirst for Casey’s form satisfied, and Casey kissed her hairline and then began to run her fingers through the silky blonde hair gently.

“Do you want to turn the TV back on?” Alex asked, even as she nuzzled her head gently into the crook of Casey’s neck, a position at which she surely would have no clue what was playing if it was.

“No,” Casey murmured, “I want to stay like this.” 

“Mm,” Alex smiled and kissed her neck, her arms settling gently to frame Casey’s face, and she felt her sigh deeply. 

“I’ll wake up sore despite all your effort if we fall asleep like this,” Casey smiled, but it was gentle, not a real argument.

“Then I could do it all again tomorrow morning,” Alex responded sleepily, having finally achieved a position at which she was the epitome of comfort. Casey laughed softly, kissed the side of her face, and closed her eyes.

[hyperions-light]

@datvcompanionweeks Bellara Week 2025 Day 7: Free Day!

Want to say a huge thank you to @flowersforthemachines, who did a fantastic job modding the event this week! Thank you for all of your incredible hard work, and for sharing your love for Bellara <3

I did end up with Bellara & Davrin (with Implications) but I hope you still enjoy ! <3

--

"Bellara!"

She pokes her head out from behind the tower of blankets she's carrying to see Davrin standing in front of an aravel, Assan beside him.

"Davrin!" she says, dumping her burden on the ground and rushing over to hug him excitedly. "And Assan! What are you two doing here?"

"Assan was visiting his brothers and sisters. Thought I'd stop by and see if you needed help," he says, eyes following a large group of city elves.

"Oh, we definitely do!" she catches another Veil Jumper hurrying past with an armful of camping equipment and relieves them of it. "Here! You take this, and we'll go over and set up the temporary camp on the other side of the river. Another group from Ostwick arrived this morning!"

He takes the awkwardly shaped assortment of of poles and canvas, and follows Bellara's stack of blankets down the incline to the bank near the owl statue, which has thankfully been cleared of poisonous plantlife.

"You sure this is the best place? It's pretty exposed."

"Oh, we'll have guards on them for tonight, and then tomorrow we can find somewhere better! It's just been so busy, with all the new arrivals, we're still trying to sort out the best places for housing."

Bellara immediately sets to work setting up a tent, the surety and speed of her hands speaking to recent practice. Davrin does the same— although his own efforts are hampered by Assan's curious pawing at everything.

"Are there enough city elves for a settlement, already?" he wonders.

It's a long way from the south— he hadn't expected word to travel so quickly.

"Some of them are from the city! But a lot of clans have people who want to stay, too."

He pauses, hands stilling in the middle of a knot.

"Huh. I guess they would. It's strange to think about."

"It'll take a little getting used to," Bellara agrees, draping the canvas over the top of the frame. "But it'll be nice, I think! To have somewhere to come home to, you know?"

"Are you staying?" he says, surprised.

He doesn't know why he imagined she wouldn't. They've all been in the Lighthouse less frequently, in recent days— everyone needed for different parts of the cleanup. It makes sense she'd want a place of her own. But it's… uncomfortable, in a way. To think he wouldn't be able to find her easily.

"Yeah!" she says, beaming. "Or, I'm thinking about it, at least. I know Rook will still need our help, but with the eluvians I don't think it'll be a problem."

She crawls into the newly constructed tent, arranging the bedroll.

"Have you thought about it?" she asks, poking her head out. "Staying here, I mean. You'd be welcome."

His immediate thought is denial— his place is with the Wardens. He has a purpose; a duty to fulfill. But he stops, before he answers.

There are other things to consider, now, especially with the Wardens' purpose changing. What might be best for Assan, for one thing. And, maybe… what he wants, too.

"I haven't," he says. "But I might."

"We could really use your help!" Bellara says, eyes shining excitedly. "With all of the camping and hunting. There's still a lot of monsters around here you could fight, too— oh, and Assan could see his family all the time!"

"That's true," he concedes, sitting in the entrance to his newly-finished tent. "But I don't know if it'd be the right choice for me. Coming here feels like I'd be abandoning my oath."

"But there won't be any more Blights, right?" Bellara says, crossing her legs in front of her. "So the Wardens are going to have to find something else to do, now. You could be a protector! Like Assan's family."

She puts out a hand, and Assan runs up to rub against it, squawking happily.

The idea is appealing. There's still Blight left, of course, but it is receding, and Davrin's never had any special ability to sense or understand it, like Antoine. He doesn't know how much help he can be to them, going forward.

And he's been thinking, recently, of home. Wondering if his clan would want to see him— what they'd think of Assan. If they'd be proud of him.

"It seems like you really want me to stay," he says, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

She looks away, fiddling with the tiny river rocks before her feet.

"Why?"

"Well, you have a lot of experience with living outside of a clan," she says quickly, precisely; like she's rehearsed her reasons. "And there are a lot of city elves coming here, so there could be problems— culturally, I mean. You could help us understand each other better. And the Arlathvhen's coming up, and all the hahren have been asking me things about Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain— because they're going to discuss what we want to do now, about the religious stuff— and it would be really great to have someone else here who saw them and could answer questions. And I miss…"

She stops. Her eyes dart up, nervously. She looks away.

"Me? Assan?"

"Both of you," she says, quietly. She rubs against some dirt on the sole of her boot. "I mean, I miss everyone, but I just— I feel like I don't know what I'm doing half the time. Everyone keeps asking me my opinion about what we should do with the Archive, and the vallaslin, and the gods, and I just feel like I'm… faking it, or something? They see me as an expert, just because I was there, and I don't really have any answers."

"And you think I do?" Davrin asks, mildly incredulous. "We saw the same things, Bellara."

"I know! But you… I don't know, you always seem so confident. Sometimes I don't even feel like what happened to us was real. Even if you don't always agree with me, it would be nice to have someone else who was there, who… understands."

"I don't know why," she says, a melancholy to her voice, "but I feel so… lonely, sometimes. There are so many people here— I know it doesn't make any sense."

He thinks of how often he's found himself alone after mealtime, recently. Just Assan for company.

Things are different, now, in a way he can't define. He's different.

"I know what you mean," he tells her. "There's no going back, for us."

"Yes!" she says. "It's like they're living in a different place, or something. People ask me to tell them what happened like it's… just another story. Like it never happened to anyone."

She's quiet, for a moment. Looks back toward the trees.

"If you don't want to stay, I'm not trying to make you, or anything," she says. "But if you're looking for something to so, somewhere to go… well, I guess I'm asking."

She turns back to look at him, the same resolve in her eyes he saw during the battle with Elgar'nan.

"No, I am asking. I miss you, and I want you here. I want… you make me feel safe, Davrin. Grounded."

She pauses for a moment, hands worrying the edge of her boot.

"Is that weird to say?" she asks before he can reply. "It's weird, isn't it? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—"

"Stop," he says, raising a hand.

He falls silent, thinking about his response.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, yet," he tells her. He sees her face fall, slightly. "I have to talk with Antoine and Evka. But if they don't need me… I think I'd like to stay. It'd be good to be… home."

She smiles. Hugs him, again. Hums, the rest of the time they spend at the camp, together. As they walk back to the camp she runs out ahead of him with Assan, chasing him and being chased, in turn.

She looks back at him, and there's something in her eyes that makes him wonder if there's another reason she wants him to stay. Something she doesn't know how to say, yet.

Something else to discover in Arlathan, perhaps.

[freckledjoes]

happiest of birthdays to this lovely man :))

-

Normally I’d make more of an effort on a special day like this, but life recently has been crazy! Got myself a home, my own place at last, and today I heard when they’ll hand over the key 🥰 Very excited for this new chapter of my life! Took me some time, but here we are.

So the coming time I’ll be busy getting my house ready, painting a shit ton of walls, cleaning up, cry a little (frustrated and happy tears) putting furniture together and whatnot.

Don’t forget about me!! Or do 😎 I’ll remind you once I’m settled at my new place with lots of new energy to create 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[lenzoli]

as someone who also does translyrics sometimes (occasionally, on a very amateurish level) yeah i share the sentiment. i noticed this most on their english translation of yuusha. it definitely takes a lot of effort to match the vowels exactly, and i can applaud that, but it just feels wrong. these structures weren't really made for english, so if you haven't listened to the japanese version, the way the lyrics are structured just feels off for english? like, just look:

Many days tinted in fairy tale scenes Have arrived at the end, proof we have seen I cut out and choose from a trip so long A little passage I review Tale of what's taken place right on this field Shadows of manifested pain and woe There was a hero who took out all foes A little-journey memory with you

now i'm not gonna lie, they did a pretty good job matching the word stress and the strong beats. sometimes the beat lands in an unideal spot, but that happens all the time in translyrics. but there's already a sense of unease i'm getting from the way they wrote the lines here. in the 3rd and 4th lines, "passage" gets two predicates, one before and one after (either that, or the 3rd line just doesn't have an object, which isn't right for "cut out"). the 5th line has a lot of padding, and the 7th line has this weird tone clash between the informal "took out" and the dramatic "foes". it's worth sacrificing a bit of vowel matching to allow for a more flexible use of language and bring out the best words you can

another important thing here (which yumi has mentioned) is the rhyme scheme. a lot of japanese songs simply don't have standard rhyme schemes because:

1) they use a 5-vowel system, unlike english's "5-vowel system" which actually has 20 vowel sounds (it gets to a point where there are some jp songs which abuse this fact by making lyrics that repeat the exact same vowel patterns over long periods. it's crazy)

2) they use a syllabary instead of an alphabet so every single utterance ends with a vowel (with the exception of n, but consonants are a lot less important than vowels in rhyming anyway)

3) their language is head-final, which puts the basic structure at the end, and since there are often grammatical rules for what sounds come at the end based on tense and stuff, a lot of sentences with similar structures and contexts end up rhyming anyway

so a lot of rhyme schemes in japanese music are pretty much just emergent and coincidental, and the one for yuusha's first verse ends up being AABCADDC. they replicate this in the english version, but since english has so many more vowels it feels shaky and structurally unsound. it would've been best to modify the vowels to have a more standard rhyme scheme (as well as internal rhyme schemes if possible) that flows well with the music, rather than try to stick to japanese's more liberal scheme that really only works for a specific kind of language that english is not. as yumi said, this mostly works for the ppl who have already listened to the jp version and are looking for a similar experience, even if it comes at the expense of the irregularities that this brings

(an example of this kind of switching up prosodic patterns comes in the form of the alexandrine, which has multiple versions across different languages from the original french alexandrine. french prosodic stress always comes at the end of a sentence, so french alexandrines (at least, the classic ones) only put stress at the end. in english, prosodic stress can be pretty much anywhere, so english alexandrines are pretty much just iambic hexameter. spanish alexandrines have 7 syllables per part instead of 6, with the stress at the penultimate syllable, because a lot of spanish words have penultimate stresses. there are more in the link)

tl;dr the way japanese lyrical writing works doesn't work that well for english lyrical writing (and more generally translating lyrics comes with structure clashes), so switching it up is often the best choice for translyricization

i just learned about the official english version of Racing into the Night and i am so fucking baffled, i've never seen anyone do anything like this, what the FUCK

[toastedsmoredoodles]

Fanart Friday - Sun and Moon Animatic☀️🌘

I wasn't meant to do this, but my ADHD had me in a headlock and this song had me in a chokehold. I posted earlier in the year how these two are my comfort characters, so drawing them gave me lots and lots of dopamine. Which I clearly needed, since all my plans to work on my mobility stuffies stickers series kept getting interrupted. And when my plans are interrupted or changed abruptly my Autism has a right fit.

So instead of being stuck in task paralysis or having a meltdown, I spent roughly 6.5 hours working on my boys. A case of intense hyperfocus at its finest.

Clearly, this isn't finished, and I don't know if it ever will be. It was just a silly little heehee hoohoo personal project that I had no choice but to post after all the effort I put into it. And for my first time doing anything animation-related, I think it came out pretty good! The animation program in Clip Studio isn't very intuitive, but that didn't stop me.

Maybe one day I'll come back and clean this up, but no promises. For now, I have actual projects that I've been working on for a while and are just dying to be finished.

[neptuii]

Okay, I've been fighting with Tumblr's quality issues for about 2 hours now and I just give up- tried re-sizing these pictures SO MANY TIMES its just ridiculous. Used every possible hack and tip I found and none had worked so I'm just gonna roll with this although I am upset as I spend a lot of time on these doodles- more than I would want to admit.

The middle drawing is still uploading and if it looses quality as I post this I will re-do this post because there is just too many details to loose on. If anyone has tips on how to deal with quality issues on this platform please let me know, the artist here is STRUGGLING.

----------- Anyway, some more detailed depictions of my human KMKY!Bill Cipher design. I mostly based it off the original description that is given in the 5th chapter; in other words, the moment Ford bought him his first own set of clothes. I really like the idea of him wearing loafers. I know that in the chapter 12 he ruined his first pair by running into a muddy forest while it rained. And so I imagined that after that event Ford bought him a new pair with golden buckles in shapes of triangles as these aren't uncommon, right? What I mentioned in the latest post was that Ford could've put in the effort and maybe sew in a triangle design into his og black sweatshirt as maybe Bill mentioned it was a bit too plain for his liking (even though its quite comfortable). First I thought of a possibilty of it being a bit of a too straightfoward clue for Fiddleford to connect the yellow triangular symbol with the traingle statues in Ford's study but then I thought that maybe Ford or Fiddleford himself would explain it as some sort of portal project personalized merch..? I mean, Bill IS the "benefactor" as Ford put it so that could be the excuse lmao. Anyway, I wanted to include some of my human Bill headcanons in this post but it's already quite lenghty so I might make it a separate post- especially if the quality of these pictures will be ruined as I upload this. fanfic mentioned: Knowing Me, Knowing You on Ao3 by @f-imaginings

[crescencestudio]

๋࣭⭑ Devlog #47 | 4.26.25 ๋࣭⭑

no bc we r actually so back brothers ive got FOOD TODAY

We are ALIVEEEEE AND BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER ((FR THIS TIME!!!).

Before we get into actual updates, I wanted to give context on where my life's been at basically the past year. As many of you know, I got my PhD last December (YEAAAA) which meant for the second half of 2024, I was literally in a cave crunching my dissertation. Now, many people (including me) thought after I finished my dissertation, I'd be a lot freer for Alaris stuff. But since this year started, I've been completely preoccupied with some personal matters which kept me from working on Alaris as much as I wanted to.

While the personal matters aren't anything anyone has to be worried about, they did take up A Lot of my time, and I'm really happy to say that I am officially free from those obligations too!!! Meaning for the first time in literally a year, I am NOT drowning. And that time has already been used Very Fruitfully heh....heh....heh.....

WANNA SEE???

Writing has been on a bit of a stall, and the main reason why is something I'll talk about in the Miscellaneous section! But it's nothing to worry about since it's because I want to focus on other parts of the game right now. With almost all of the routes finished, I've noticed that the writing pace I've maintained has resulted in the art and programming aspects to fall a bit behind where I want those parts of game dev to be.

So recently, I've focused more attention on the art and programming components rather than writing. That being said, writing still makes slow but steady progress! Kuna'a's development edits continue to progress, and Etza's route is about to be sent to line editing, which is the last stage of editing for my writing process. This means once Etza's line edits are finished, the four Central routes will be COMPLETELY FINISHED!! Exciting right!!!!

For art, I can't actually show very many sneak peeks since it's mostly been CGs and character design commissions heh. But I am willing to give a slight sneak peeks of these character designs in these two beta screenshots

Sickest character designs by @saffein-e

While these sneak peeks don't represent the final character sprites, they are the OG designs created by bestie Saf. And even from the designs alone, the characters are stunning additions to the cast! I can't wait to draw them in my own style and hopefully do Saf's amazing work justice 💖💖💖 In these screenshots too, you can see some of the newer BGs and hints of overlays that we've added to the game to heighten the visual effects hehe.

I've also been working on CGs for Etza's route and am happy to say our CG count is currently at 26 completed CGs (5 sketched ones) out of 54! Now that I'm making an active effort to Lock in on the art assets, I'm hoping CG and sprite development picks up a bit in the coming months ^^

And finally... for the most exciting news!!!!!

ETZA'S BETA WILL BE OUT MONDAY!!!!

We have finally moved forward on the beta build front, and beta testers will finally get to play Etza's beta! Since I haven't shown much in-game screenshots from the betas in past devlogs, and you all patiently still read them, I thought this month would be a nice time to update you all on how things are looking in Alaris beta land.

In this beta, you obviously get to woo our neighborhood angel

Since it's been a while, this is a reminder of what the game looks like (LMFLSOA). I know for me it's been a while and honestly I forgot how proud I am of the art assets :') I love how everything has come together and how it looks in the game <3

Of course, Important Choices and fun cast dynamics are a few of our Favorite Things

Between the messaging interface, the chapter card, the phone call overlays, and many more little effects and stuff, I forgot how many assets are in this thing. Being able to code Etza's beta has been an amazing reminder of how much work I've put into Alaris over the years ^^

Which brings me to exciting news!!!! I will make the official announcement separately at a later time, but as a reward for people who actually read these things, you're the first to know. With Etza's beta coming out soon, that means the four Central routes will have finished beta testing. And with where things are at, I've made the official decision that...

Alaris will enter Early Access for the First Four Routes!!!

I don't have an exact date for when this will release since it largely depends on how quickly I can art. But I'd like to aim for a tentative Q3 release for the Early Access Build! More details will come when I make the official announcement, but it is extremely exciting to have reached a point where I can even put this out there to people!!!

I hope you all are excited, and I want to thank everyone who has been on this journey with me whether it's as a recent or long time fan!!

Finally, I haven't really had time for market research since I've been in the "Returning the Game Dev" trenches. But I do have other exciting news that I'll make yet another official announcement on later.

Aside from the new Alaris beta, I've also had another small side project I've been working on with some friends (very chill-like) over the past couple of months. It'll be the first Crescence Dark Fantasy entry in my collection of games, and it's definitely a different vibe from what I've put out so far.

Where They Wait will be a new game submitted to Ossan Jam with elements of horror, fantasy, and dark romance :3c I'm so grateful to the team I've worked with and all the work they've put into our little shared baby, and I can't wait for you all to play it! This will also be coming out WELL, Monday too LMAFLIDJLIFJ.

As you can see, we've been hard at work behind the curtain. Since I last talked to you all, we've made a lot of nice headway on the different projects I've had on my plate, and I'm excited to feel like we're hitting our stride on so many things!!!!

Until next time we talk, which will be Very Soon with all our exciting announcements coming up. Thank you as always for being patient with me and supporting me!

[militaryapple]

hello my pilots and lovely passengers! capt. leura is here to clear some things up on her very long and uncertain absence.

for starters, please do not go looking for people nor scout out where they might be. I do not want to bring more drama onto this account and this will be the first and last time i will address this.

As you all know this is a caleb-focused account. I mostly write about him because i am 1. very hyper-fixtated on him lol and 2. i just have a passion for writing.

It has been brought to my attention; NUMEROUS times, that people have been re-uploading my fanfics without my permission and plain out stealing them. This is enough to make me want to stop writing entirely, i put a lot of effort in writing my fics; even if they’re smut lolol, it’s time consuming and for them to just be taken without a second thought is just annoying to see and hear about. trust me. Though i have been getting a lot of love in my inbox’s and i feel as if i have motivation to write again :,) so thank you to my lovely lovely followers.

“so leura! what do we do if we see reuploads or stealing??” just leave it, it’s the internet and i can’t stop it from happening. 🤷🏽‍♀️ there’s only so much we can do. reporting and blocking does help a lot though so if you wanna do that then A-OK! again don’t go harassing people with my work, ;; you all know i write here and if i open up a AO3 PUBLICLY, most of my works will be on here and there so ^^

OK THATS IT MY LOVELY PILOTS THANKS FOR STICKING BY ME PAPA LEURA LOVES YOU ALL ✌🏽

[unfinishedslurs]

a lying problem? that can't be right. i don't have a problem with lying at all.

“Oh, I don’t swear,” was out of Tim’s mouth before he consciously thought about it. 

Jason snorted. “Seriously?”

No, but if Jason believes it he might as well commit. It’s just one lie, what’s the worst that could happen? “I prefer to express myself in other ways.”

“Yeah, sure. Gonna tell me ‘ain’t ain’t a word,’ too?”

“Actually ain’t is a word, according to linguistics and some dictionaries. Teachers at Gotham Academy just have no respect for the rich history of slang and English dialects—“

“Christ, would you shut up? I get it, you’re a good boy who’s never cussed in his life. Can we get this over with?”

“How has he not heard you cuss?” Steph asks later, taking a bite of her mug cake. “Did he not hear you that one time you stubbed your toe in the cave showers? I’m pretty sure Cass could hear you shout the f-word from Hong Kong. You scared the bats off. I didn't even know it was possible to scare them off at this point.”

“‘The f-word,’” he mocks. “What are we, nine?”

“Well according to you, swearing offends your delicate sensibilities.”

“It’s not like I’m lying about anything important.” He rolls his eyes. “Besides, Jason already thinks I’m a goody-two-shoes. Why not have fun with it?”

“Uh, because this could end with you getting shot? Guy’s always been on a hair trigger when it comes to you.”

“He’s not going to shoot me for telling him I don’t swear.” 

“What if he finds out on a bad day?”

“I’ll dodge.”

She throws her spoon at him. “Ugh, whatever. Sorry for caring.”

He catches the spoon easily, and steals a bite out of her mug. “I’ll be fine,” he mumbles through her protests and a mouthful of chocolatey dessert. “Seriously, he’s not going to shoot me for this. Besides, how would he even find out with you backing me?” 

“Oh, I’ll back you alright,” she says, yanking the spoon out of his hand as he goes in for another bite. “I want to be able to say ‘I told you so,’ when this backfires spectacularly.”

“It’s not going to backfire. It’s one lie, and it’s not like I make a habit of it.”

“Did you just say that to me? I know you didn’t just say that to me.”

“I meant swearing.”

She bops him on the nose with her spoon, and he retaliates by sticking his fingers in her mug to scoop out some cake and shove it in his mouth. 

He nearly gets thrown out the window of his own apartment. Worth it. 

“I’m saving myself for marriage.”

“Aren’t you an atheist?”

“I believe in STD’s.” Granted, vigilantism is a bigger risk of transmission than sex will ever be, but there are strict protocols in place when it comes to blood and other bodily fluids. Contact should be minimized, gloves should be on at all times, and if exposure can’t be avoided completely, clean the area thoroughly and return to the cave as soon as possible for risk minimization and testing. Wayne Enterprises is also one of the leading companies working on a cure for HIV and AIDs. 

Between all of this Jason really shouldn’t believe a damn word that comes out of his mouth, but Jason has also always had a lot of preconceived notions on who Tim is as a person. If that leaves a huge, gaping blind spot where his lie detector should be, who is Tim to complain?

“How am I supposed to know? I’ve never embezzled anything.”

“No, I’ve never drank. I’m nineteen.”

“I haven’t tried weed either, Hood.”

“I’m not the biggest fan of wearing dresses.”

“I can’t lie to Batman.”

“I’ll have you know all my space missions were Bat-approved.”

“I actually kind of love press conferences.”

“I graduated high school with a 4.1 GPA.”

“I’m not a stalker.”

Okay, he might have a problem. 

Part of Tim despaired that it was so easy. Someone raised by Batman and trained by the League of Assassins should not be this easy to lie to. Then again, Tim has lied to both Batman and Ra’s al Ghul with varying degrees of success, so maybe it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. Still, those lies had effort put into them. He was almost insulted by how easily Jason had accepted everything he’d said so far, even if certain preconceived notions were doing the heavy lifting for him. 

The other, bigger part of Tim was having a blast. 

When he turns around Cass is watching him, clearly repressing a smile. “Having fun?”

“So much fun,” he tells her, returning the hug she gives him enthusiastically. “Steph tell you what I was doing?”

“She thinks you’re going to get shot.”

“What do you think?”

“She’s probably right.”

“Worth it.” He stretches, letting his spine crack. “Feel like helping me out?”

She laughs in his face. “No. Call me when you need first aid.”

“He’s not actually going to shoot me.”

“You’re not nearly as confident about that as you say you are.”

“At least it would be funny.”

“I don’t think you getting shot is funny.”

“Not even about this?”

“Maybe a little funny, if you dodge,” she admits, and then tugs on his hair until he leans down enough for her to smack a kiss on his forehead. “Maybe this will teach you a lesson.”

“I can’t believe the guy you picked after me is such a goddamn square,” Jason complains. “He’s never even embezzled anything? Seriously? That’s like, vigilante 101. He doesn’t steal, he doesn’t swear, he graduated with a fucking 4.1 because if he takes that stick out of his ass for one second-“

Jason’s well and fully into his tangent now, barely even talking to Bruce anymore as he paces back and forth. Bruce frowns and opens his mouth, before shutting it as he catches Tim frantically waving his arms behind Jason. He raises an eyebrow, and Tim points to the phone in his hand. Bruce takes his out and checks it. 

Go with it.

Bruce levels him with an unimpressed look. 

Remember my 16th bday?

He sighs heavily. “Sorry, Lucius is having trouble with some of the latest bat tech designs,” he tells Jason, who has realized that Bruce is ignoring him and is looking twitchier every moment his complaints go unacknowledged. “As for Tim, I don’t know what to tell you, chum. He has…very strong convictions.”

It’s basic psychology, really. 

Boiling frog theory. Put a frog in boiling water, and it jumps right out. But if you raise the temperature slowly enough, the frog won’t notice and will let itself boil alive. Real frogs will still jump out of the pot, because unlike Tim they have self preservation instincts, but human minds aren’t quite so quick to pick up on it. 

Tim vaguely wonders who the frog in this scenario is. Jason, who seemingly hadn’t noticed when the line crossed from “dubiously plausible,” to “absolutely unbelievable for anyone who has spent more than five minutes at a time with him,” or Tim, who has slowly escalated his lies in a way that is definitely going to get him shot at some point when Jason finds out. 

And it is when Jason finds out. Tim needs a three page spreadsheet to keep track of all the shit he’s sold him. He might be able to keep it up, if he tells everyone he’s ever met what he’s doing, convinces them to stay on his side of it, and erases all past, present, and future footage of himself, but that’s a little too much effort for a gig that’s starting to get old. 

“You got B in on it too?”

“I told him if he backed me up I wouldn’t bill him for the extensive therapy bills I’m wracking up because of him.”

“You go to therapy?”

It’s out of his mouth before he even thinks about it. “Yeah, every second Wednesday.”

Jason blinks at him, and then squeezes the bridge of his nose. “Was that a lie?”

“…maybe,” Tim says sheepishly. 

“Are you fucking kidding me? What else have you been lying about?”

“It might be easier to just send you the spreadsheet.”

“The— Replacement.” Jason’s voice has gone flat, and he’s glaring at him, fury so powerful his hand is almost shaking where he’s holding Tim up by the collar. 

“Yeah?” Tim asks nonchalantly, as if he’s not dangling from said collar to the point where the toes of his sneakers barely brush the floor. 

“You’ve got five seconds to run before I shoot you.”

He’s ready for it, and when Jason drops him he’s already pushing away, dropping and rolling when two bullets whiz past him right on the five second mark. Both wide, because as much as he hates to admit it Jason’s gone soft. 

“Go to hell, Pretender!” Jason hollers behind him. 

Tim cackles, pausing just one moment to raise both middle fingers and shout, “Fuck you too!” before disappearing into the rafters.

[utilitycaster]

your post speculating that the thresher creatures could be due to nuclear testing in the ocean reminded me (extremely lose connection, just like a 'oh yeah' moment) that you had some complaints about the use of radiation in Burrow's End, and I know your background is (iirc?) tangentially related so I was wondering if you could talk a little bit more about what bothered you in BE!

Hey anon! Yes, I work in a radiation safety field; mutuals welcome to DM me for more details but I like to keep personal information about myself somewhat vague. I made some posts about it at the time that I do not feel like digging up but in short, I'm not really bothered by, for lack of a better way to put it, Comic Book/Monster Movie Radiation Tropes. Like, Doctor Manhattan, Spider-Man, or Godzilla? Totally fine. Radiation is used as a shorthand to say "some dangerous technology warped this person or creature." It's not really that central to the rest of the story; Watchmen even plays with this.

What annoyed me with Burrow's End is that it kind of tried to be both realistic and fantastical and it ended up kind of being a muddle - the area being an exclusion zone, for example, indicates that it should have been under constant surveillance (ie, someone would have noticed these stoats pretty rapidly); and the radiation's effects are really inconsistent not just with irl effects but also across like, people vs. animals (stoats were made intelligent and also undead but bears were bizarrely warped but humans had normal radiation poisoning except sometimes they were totally fine). I also don't recall the exact details because I haven't revisited it and it's been a while, but the timeline of the meltdown was really weird, and I recognize I'm Radiation Knowledge Georg here but it was kind of frustrating when it felt like a lot of energy and effort was put into the biology of stoats, and none into the science that ultimately served as like, the entire impetus of the story and magic system of the world.

FWIW: Burrow's End is not exclusive to this. I have never played Fallout but I watched my sibling play Fallout 4: Murder, Cheat, and Fuck Your Way Through Boston and spent the whole time being very annoying; I have some more serious critiques of HBO Chernobyl which does a solid job with the history/politics and makes some egregious radiation errors. I also don't like that a lot of the internet has absolutely no nuance re: their options on radiation/nuclear power and are either like "IF YOU ARE WITHIN 100 MILES OF A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT YOU WILL GET CANCER AND DIE" or else are like "this is a clean energy with almost no drawbacks unless you are stupid" when in fact radiation is often best understood as "In energy and medicine, the use of radiation carries risks that are blanced by benefits just like any other option; and also nuclear weapons are pretty unambiguously terrible." So in general I'm coming from a position of "I am an expert in a thing many people get extremely wrong and I am perhaps a little bit tired."

So if Thresher is just like "Operation Fishbowl fallout has created weird sea monsters" then that's cool by me. If Thresher decides to get super into the weeds with radiation next episode (doubtful, seems like they're dealing with Weird Current Controls) I may change my mind, but also I think the scope of the story is currently very good so I'm more inclined to be forgiving.

[jakotsuto]

On that last point, I’m not really sure what you mean by Totosai using it as proof Sesshomaru has become stronger. That might be a translation difference? In the English dub, he says that even though Sesshomaru despises Tenseiga as his birthright, it’s the reason he’s still alive.

ON Bankotsu’s demonic power acquisition, BOY do I have some things to say about this. I am excited and can’t put all my thoughts straight— So, firstly, I don’t think Bankotsu has any “code” against using demonic powers as a human, because that’s what the Shikon Jewel is and he’s perfectly fine using that.

His point about them living in a different world is that humans aren’t born with that power and strength, and someone born with those abilities couldn’t understand what it’s like to have to earn it.

Now, I plan to explain all this in-depth in an analysis my sister has not had the time to edit yet, but according to the song “Abarero!!”, Bankotsu’s mentality seems to be along the lines of “a peaceful life can be taken away from you, so there’s no point in trying to have one in the first place”— which I think aligns well enough with what he says during the fight.

I think Bankotsu has lost a “peaceful life” before, maybe even to demons— since he does have a firm code regarding befriending them, which seems like a strange line for him to draw, considering.

There’s a lot going on with him in the past, which is fun. Primarily, though, this desire to become the strongest he has is, in itself, tragic, because he’s not exactly wrong.

The Band of Seven were incredibly strong for humans, strength of 100 men and all, and they were still killed. They fought to the death with everything they had, and yet. No matter how strong he was, he was never going to be strong enough to do more than survive, and to keep what he has— his 6 friends killed in front of him is probably an especially bitter reminder.

Which is why this little exchange,

It was a futile effort. There really wasn’t any winning for him— even if he had tried to be a good person, he would’ve been sent to die in a pointless war and lost anyway. He tried to be independent and earn his strength, tried to make a honest living as a mercenary— and he was hunted down because he was too strong and independent.

And once revived, he knew that the second life wasn’t permanent, told Kikyou so himself. He didn’t even expect to survive his final encounter with Inuyasha, citing it as the “final battle of the Band of Seven”. It was a futile battle and he fought it anyway.