#so I've been avoiding showering until the radiators start going

[knightdykes]

ughhhh our apartment has been freezing fucking cold for the last few weeks, because the building's boiler doesn't kick on until like. november. I've been sleeping under 4 blankets w/ a hoodie and thick socks and some days I have to wear a touque to keep from losing too much heat.

[fiveht]

Proof of life (Adore pt 3)

Hello my sweet angel babies ♥️

I'm not going to be able to adequately express my gratitude for the steady stream of love (and concern, sorry) I've been receiving over the past couple of months. I'm so sorry I've been AWOL, it will definitely happen again. Because see, for me, I usually have to make a choice between social and creative fandom participation. My battery is small, and takes a long time to charge.

Thank you to everyone who's left comments and asks and DMs since I've been gone. I don't think I can respond to all of it, but rest assured those messages ping my cold, dead heart every time I see them.

So I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I did this same thing months and months ago, when I was working on Head Over Feet, and let me be clear: posting even a single word of a WIP goes against my every instinct and principle as an author. I am someone who likes to finish an entire story before I post any of it, and on top of that, I am NOT a fast writer, so the expectations that I'm setting up here might not be advisable. But I did it before and managed to finish the thing, and I want to give you guys something in exchange for being so unbelievably awesome, so here I am again.

This will probably be the only time I mention this story in public until it's finished and posted, and inquiries about my progress are unlikely to help with the writing process, I'm just saying. I reserve the right to change every last word of this before the final draft, and I also reserve the right to fall off the face of the planet and simply never finish it, as much as I will strive to prevent that from happening. Please be patient with me.

Anyway, here is my paltry offering to say thanks for the love: the (VERY rough) first ~1300 words of the third instalment of The Adventures of Soft Daddy and Danger Twink.

Sirius secures his handheld shower head to its holder at the edge of his clawfoot tub, and steps out carefully onto the bathmat. He shivers in the cool air outside the shower curtain; it's about twenty degrees below zero outside, so even if he could afford to run his ancient radiator at full blast, it probably wouldn't help much.

He dries himself off and checks his reflection in the mirror, turning his face this way and that as he tugs his hair out of the bun he'd piled it into to keep it dry during his shower. There's no need for makeup tonight, not when he's not even planning to put on clothes.

It's incrementally warmer when he steps out into the main room of his apartment. He gathers an array of splayed text books and notes from his bed and dumps them carelessly onto the couch, then closes his new laptop and places it delicately on the coffee table. It's the most expensive thing he owns, save for the Gucci backpack currently sitting in his wardrobe with a three-inch berth around it like his shoes and other bags might somehow contaminate it. It's weird owning rich-people stuff when you are still, objectively, broke as fuck.

He perches on the edge of his bed and sets his phone to charge, because his battery doesn't even last a day anymore, and he's going to need it this evening. He tucks it in next to his pillow and picks up his new toy.

The plug isn't much larger than the one he already has. A little longer, which is appealing, but no wider, so it shouldn't be a challenge to get it in comfortably. He disconnects it from its charger and hefts it in his hand, feeling the added weight from the electronics inside.

He picks up his phone, and hesitates when he sees the notification waiting for him.

Rieka: let's go out tomorrow

Rieka: the fact that we haven't been drunk since the term started is criminal

Rieka: we've had two chem labs and zero drinks

Sirius purses his lips, thumbs hovering over the keyboard. There's a fine line here, and he hasn't quite found it yet.

Me: got plans

Me: raincheck?

So complete avoidance is the best strategy, right?

Rieka: booooo 👎

He sighs, but at least she's not asking for an explanation. He opens a different conversation then, pushing all thoughts of Rieka Lupin into a tidy, sealed compartment, not to be opened during certain activities with a certain relative of hers.

Me: i'm ready

Me: are you in your office?

Daddy: Yup, I've got a few minutes

Daddy: Want me to call?

Instead of answering, Sirius hits the call button himself.

"Hey baby," Remus answers. His voice is already smooth and honey-sweet, and just from that, Sirius knows he's planning to lay it on thick tonight.

"Hi daddy," Sirius says with a smile. "Should I put it in now?"

There's a low chuckle over the line. "Are we feeling eager?"

"Always," Sirius says, laying back on his bed.

"Use the good lube I got you, it's gonna be in there a while."

He switches the call to speaker, and snags the bottle from his nightstand. "I threw out the old stuff, you've got me ruined for cheap lube."

"Only the best for that ass," Remus says, and Sirius can hear his smirk.

He gives the plug a liberal coating, running his fingers along its shape, his dick twitching just at the feel of the silky-smooth silicone, at the anticipation of what's about to happen. He spreads his legs wide, drawing one knee up to give himself easier access.

"Take it slow," Remus says, succinctly heading off Sirius' impulse to just shove the thing inside himself in one go. "Rub the tip against yourself, so you're nice and wet."

Sirius shuts his eyes as he obeys, sliding the slick end of the toy over his entrance. "Okay."

"Are you going to be a good boy for daddy tonight?"

"Uh-huh," Sirius says, teasing the very tip of the plug in and out of his hole.

"Tell me how."

"I'm not gonna touch."

"You're not gonna touch, and you're not gonna come."

"Yeah," Sirius says. His cock is starting to harden as his body tries to draw the plug inside. "Can I put it in, daddy?"

"Slow," Remus reminds him, "Slide it in nice and slow for me, baby."

Sirius catches his lip between his teeth and tries to push the plug in slowly, the way he knows Remus would do if he was here. 

The shower has left him relaxed and more than ready, and it's hard not to take advantage, just press the toy in to its limit because he can. But he's working on his patience -- under Remus' careful tutelage -- so he shuts his eyes and tries to savour it, the tease of the plug's rubber tip at his entrance, the slow stretch as he eases it past the slight resistance before he sighs, and his body eagerly accepts the intrusion.

"Mmmm," Sirius sighs as he settles the base of the plug flush against his entrance, shifting his hips and feeling the constant, dull pressure against his prostate.

"How's it feel?" 

"Good," Sirius says, splaying his legs out and just enjoying the pleasant fullness. It's been almost a week since Remus last fucked him, and that's just way too long. Christmas really spoiled him. He tugs the blankets up around him, because it's going to take some time before his body temperature is high enough to fight against the chill in his apartment.

"Have you tried out the settings at all?" Remus asks him, and Sirius picks up the phone, switching off speaker and holding it to his ear.

"No," he says, grinding his ass down against the bed to test the plug's reach inside him. "I thought you'd rather do the honours."

Remus hums, and Sirius hears the phone shifting in his grip. "I'm gonna turn it on, okay? Lowest setting."

"O--" Sirius stutters as the plug buzzes to life inside him, nestled snug against his prostate and sending little zings of pleasure down his legs. "Fuck that feels good. That's the lowest setting?"

"It is," Remus confirms. "Want to run through them all, see how high it goes? Or would you rather be surprised?"

"Mmmm, surprise me."

"Surprise it is," Remus says, and Sirius hears shuffling papers in the background as he prepares for his night class. Psychology 1001, Thursdays, 7-9:30PM. Two and a half hours of a lecture that Remus swears he's given so many times he could recite it in his sleep, so why not give himself something fun to focus on while he goes through the motions? 

Being privy to all of this brilliant, upstanding man's secret perversions is a privilege Sirius does not take lightly.

"You can turn it off from the app if you need to," Remus is saying, "Or you can call me and I'll switch it off. My phone's on vibrate, so I'll see it right away."

Sirius smiles to himself. "Got it," he says, though this is a rehashing of the rules that Remus had laid out when he'd brought the plug over last weekend. He'd called it a "late Christmas gift", as if he hadn't already given Sirius several thousand dollars worth of presents on Christmas morning.

There's more rustling over the line, the squeak of a chair. 

"Tell me again how you're going to be good tonight."

"I'm not gonna touch myself, and I'm not gonna come." The toy is still buzzing away inside him, making everything a little fuzzy at the edges. 

"Tell me why."

"'Cause daddy's in charge, even when he's not here."

"Good boy."

Sirius squirms with pleasure, his cock smearing a little drop of fluid on his belly as the toy hums insistently at his prostate.

"I have to head out," Remus says. "How do you feel?"

"Good," Sirius says, his abs tensing as he shifts his legs and the angle of the toy changes. "Excited."

"Me too," Remus says softly. "I'll talk to you soon, beautiful. Send me some pictures." With a low beep, the call disconnects.

[carmyberzattosjournal]

Entry 19: Normal Straight Jacket

Bearblr Promptober Day 19: Only One Bed

Summary: Carmy and Sydney get stuck with one hotel room on a conference in New York, and Carmy is suffering for it. (908 words)

Warnings: Swearing, chronic pain, mentions of drug use (no characters use drugs), Carmy is very self-conscious, mentions of fem reader/rando lass who is a trauma surgeon, she/her pronouns.

Notes: All journal entries will be titled as such and tagged with #cb journal.

Thank you for reading. Thank you to @carmenberzattosgf for putting together this prompt list. Sideblog for commentary and yapping: @m-z-shoroi

Also, if random letters or words are black/white instead of the colors they should be, that's Tumblr being dumb, I've been fighting it for days.

19 Oct 2024

I’m going to rethink acts of chivalry for the rest of my life.

So, Syd and I are at the conference in New York. I asked Sugar to do all the booking for our trip because (a) I don’t have time for this shit, (b) I’m going to fuck it up anyway because non-kitchen logistics are not my thing, and (c) Syd was already up to her eyeballs looking for new line cooks because we had a second fucking person disappear right at the start of service to go smoke crack in the back alley.

God's still a sadist, in case you were wondering.

Anyway, Sug did everything right. Like she got us rooms walking distance from the venue, so we didn’t have to put up with a rental car and all that shit, but the hotel fucked up our booking. They double-booked my room, they’re packed, the other person showed up 2 hours earlier than we did, so guess who doesn’t have a fucking room now?

At least they refunded us 75% of our booking for the massive inconvenience. More for Cicero.

So, we got one room. One bed, a shitty little table that rocks back and forth so bad that just interacting with it makes me want to hurl it out the window—not that it matters anyway because there’s only one chair—and a couch. Oh, and one bathroom. One shower. I lived on a houseboat in Copenhagen with the shittiest little shower you can’t even imagine to avoid this exact roommate scenario because being around other people, I swear to fuck, drives me fucking crazy.

I need to be able to get away from peoples’ eyes. There are few greater hells than being witnessed at all hours, than being scrutinized for your peculiarities and faults like you’re a lab rat being assessed for the gas chamber or some exotic breed of slug some random fucko put in a petri dish to poke with a stick. Every little weird thing I do—the incessant fiddling with objects, drumming my fingers, touching my face way too often to be remotely fucking normal, muttering to myself as I figure out something complicated, even writing in this fucking notebook—I become painfully aware of all of it. There’s this straight jacket on how to be “normal” that gets cinched around me—not of my own will. I fucking wish I could be as unapologetically myself as Fak is—and it ratchets tighter and tighter until it feels like my own skin is too tight on my body, and I need to get the fuck out of dodge. Kitchens are brutal and fast paced enough that I don’t have time to be a fucking weirdo and no one has time to pay any attention to me, but a conference? The funeral dinner at Ever (which I had to sit still for lest everyone at that table think I’m tweaking)? A fucking random fucking hotel room in fuck-off New York with Syd of all beings?

Darling, I feel a lot better around, but even now, she understands that I just need space and time to not be observed. It’s why we still don’t quite live together even though I know she wants to move in. More accurately, move me out, because those stupid fucking radiators and the idiot fucking landlord… Anyway, I’m on this dumbass couch because I’m short enough to fit on it (one point for being a short bitch, I guess) and Syd’s sound asleep because if I had to argue about who went where for one more fucking second, I might’ve bitten her head off, which would’ve set up an even more miserable day two than the one we’ll have anyway tomorrow.

She also still doesn’t know that my back is fucked up. And bringing it up now would’ve just made me seem like an asshole, or she would’ve gotten mad for not telling her sooner (which is fair, by the way. I definitely should’ve told her sooner), but we are now here and here is a couch that only looks nice. It feels like it’s full of sawdust or something. The grimy-ass floor might have more cushion to it. And the texture is this awful cheap polyester that whistles when I shift at all.

My back is killing me. Between the flight, then the first day of the conference (mostly sitting), and then this shit, it feels like I’ve got knives in it. Stretching didn’t help. And I’m not asking Syd to stand on it like Darling does. The pain does this weird thing when it gets this bad; starts to feel like a being. Like some hideous, horrible creature festering under my skin, invading my bones; a putrid blossom—maybe that corpse flower, Titan arum—that threatened to burst from my spine. When it gets this bad, I find myself touching the spot over and over again, sometimes going to the mirror and pulling up my shirt to look at my unbroken skin, to reassure myself that nothing was there. Half the time, I expected to see a scar, something visible to explain why it hurt so much, something I could point to, something that had a story I could tell. But no. It just hurts. It hurts the same way most things hurt: the usual way.

Well, if I had to pick one of us to be tired and the other to be well-rested tomorrow, I’d pick it like this.

[professorsnape394]

The Potions Master’s Apprentice

Chapter Nine: Letters, Lovers and Loyalties

A/N: This is the ninth part to my fanfiction ‘The Potions Master’s Apprentice (Severus Snape x OC)’. Chapters 1-16 can be found already uploaded on Wattpad under the same name. Feel free to leave requests in my inbox for anything Snape related you want me to write. Leave a comment below if you wish to be added to my tag list.

Pairing: Severus Snape x OC (Dumbledore’s Granddaughter)

Summary: A talented young witch is employed as an apprentice professor at Hogwarts, but who will she be working under? Severus Snape is not best pleased with his new responsibility of taking on an apprentice, however she is relentless to create a friendship between them. Will she be successful? Or might the friendship just go a little two far? With the eyes of her grandfather constantly watching over them, an attempt at a relationship might not be in the cards for Aria Dumbledore and Severus Snape.

Word Count: 2185

Warnings: n/a

Credits to Gif Creator

Yet another letter dropped into the lap of Aria Dumbledore as she sat absentmindedly sketching. Dropping her quill back into the small pot of ink which balanced on the arm of her chair, a small sigh escaped her lips. She had been expecting another to arrive any day now.

Aria allowed herself a small glance in the direction of her desk where the ever growing pile of unopened letter sat gathering dust. Disregarding her drawing, Aria traveled to her desk, fingers fumbling with the edge of the envelope. Admittedly, Aria's mind had been focused on that small pile of letters the past few days, and consequently the man who sent them. She couldn't bring herself to reply to his constant inquiries, but she had considered there was no harm in opening a few of them. She longed to hear from him, though she had been in denial for so long now she wasn't sure what to expect from his most recent letters.

Waiting no longer she ripped the paper from its wax seal, her eyes quickly scanning every word on the page.

My dear Aria, Though I know you say you cannot reply to my letters, I write them all with the hope that you will find the time in your busy schedule to at least read them. As always things are quiet here without you. Too quiet. I miss your voice. I miss hearing you sing to yourself in the shower thinking no one can hear you, I miss hearing you hum as you wander aimlessly through the house, I miss watching you draw as I pose for you, but most importantly I miss holding you in my arms. I long for the end of the school year when we will be reunited and I will have nothing to miss except maybe writing these letters. I long for a response to my letters, my darling. I simply must know that you miss me as I miss you. In the mean time I will continue to write to you to keep myself distracted from everything terrible happening in the world, by simply thinking of you. All my love, S.

Aria couldn't help but feel a great pang of guilt in the pit of her stomach for ignoring the letters, but she couldn't bare the thought of reading them, while she was still coming to terms with how she felt when she decided to leave for Hogwarts. She knew immediately she would not be able to maintain a long distance relationship with him. Though he was the first man she had ever loved she had been too cowardly to confess her feelings for him in person, let alone on a piece of parchment. She knew she was a pathetic coward from the moment he told her he loved her and she could not find it in her to return the favour. Her cowardice was more than proven the day she left for Hogwarts. Aria had planned to break up with him, to avoid further heartbreak down the line. But she could not even find the courage to do that.

Instead she was living in denial. In her mind they had broken up, and refused to face up to whatever she was truly feeling until it was absolutely necessary. Her plan had been to distract herself as much as possible, suppress her feelings and just forget about the situation completely. And to be totally honest her plan had been working for her, with the exception of a few off days such as today. However when it came time to wake up and face the music she had no idea what her plan would be then.

Leaving the letter open on her desk she took a stroll around the grounds of Hogwarts to clear her mind. The time to figure out all of her problems was not now. She was still a young, carefree woman and she didn't want the burden of guilt stopping her from living her life however she so wished.

Arias walk led her to the village of Hogsmeade, and after working up a light sweat, the young professor opted to pop into the Three Broomsticks to quench her thirst.

Unsurprisingly for a late Tuesday evening the place was barren. Besides for a drunken wizard practically falling off his bar stood, a crazy witch whispering to herself and two well dressed men, sitting out of place in a side booth, the place was completely deserted. Planning to only stay for a pumpkin juice Aria took a seat at the bar and begun chatting to the same barmaid who had served her and Severus all those weeks ago.

"Busy night?" Aria joked, rolling her eyes at the drunk to her right.

The woman laughed in return, handing over a glass of pumpkin juice. "This is pretty much the standard, at this time." She shrugged, polishing off a perfectly clean glass, to keep herself busy. "That one over there doesn't even order anything, but its not worth the hassle kicking her out." She gestured to the old hag in the corner, her perfectly polished nails glistening in the dim bar light.

"I wish I could say I felt sorry for you, but a break away from the chaos that is Hogwarts is a slight relief." Aria sighed. She was still not used to being around so many people all the time having spent the past few years alone, besides her mother, she often needed time alone to breathe.

"Oh, then you must be new. I've had my fair share of lonely professors spend an evening behind my bar, and I usually remember who's spilled their whole life story to me. Though you do look familiar, what do you teach?" She finished up with her glasses, leaning her elbows on the bar to get a closer look at the younger woman, her breasts practically falling out her blouse.

"I'm just an apprentice for now. I'm the new Potions Mistress." Aria smiled, taking a small sip of her drink.

"Oh yes, now I remember. You came here with that Severus. He's not unfamiliar with our whiskey selection, if you know what I mean." Both women rolled their eyes in unison. "He doesn't seem to talk much though, I can't say I know anything about him. I must admit I was surprised to see him with a gorgeous young witch like yourself."

"You weren't the only one." Aria scoffed, finishing off her pumpkin juice.

"Well it makes a little bit more sense now." She laughed, a set of pristine pearly teeth emerging from her red glossy lips.

It seemed Aria was not the only one who had been admiring the woman's beauty, and almost right on cue the drunk decided to look a little bit more lively, demanding another pint. Reluctantly the barmaid obliged, shooting Aria an apologetic look.

Aria couldn't help but notice the gruff looking man practically throw himself over the bar in order to get a good gawk at the barmaids behind. The slightly older woman seemed unfazed by the mans actions, in-fact Aria wasn't entirely unsure she wasn't enjoying the attention. Choosing not to interrupt as neither party seemed to object to the altercation, Aria kept her mouth shut.

That was until the man's attention turned to her. The barmaid disappeared from view, presumably to refill the barrel the drunk had practically drowned himself in. "Haven't seen you around here before." He started harmlessly, though Aria did not miss the way his eyes seemed to scan the whole of her body.

"Just moved into Hogwarts, haven't seen much of Hogsmeade." Aria admitted, but made the conscious decision to turn away from him, hoping not to engage in any further conversation.

"You a friend of Ros'" He asked, intrigued, while downing a good half of his pint.

"Not really, no." Aria shrugged. "I didn't even know her name until just now."

"Rosalind Rookwood." He edged his seat closer to Arias. "Fantastic barmaid, though I wouldn't say it was her best profession." He winked.

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean." Aria turned her nose up at the man, just praying he would leave her alone.

"Well, you know, bein' a barmaids fine an all, but it doesn't always pay the bills. Miss Rookwood's got her fair share of stories to tell, and not all of them her own." He laughed, the potent stench of his alcoholic breath suffocating Aria as he leaned in closer, wrapping a heavy arm around her shoulders. "If it turns out teaching isn't for you, just know you'll have a loyal customer in me." He hiccuped, his free arm, reaching down to stroke the woman's exposed thigh.

Instinctively Aria gripped onto his wrist, forcing it off of her. "What the hell do you think you are doing!?" Aria exclaimed, pushing the man away from her. "Don't you dare lay your hands on me again."

The drunk showed no sign of guilt or remorse, he simply chuckled to himself, revealing a shocking lack of teeth. Disgusted, Aria made to move but found herself cornered against the bar.

Fortunately the altercation had caused enough disruption to alert the two men having a casual evening drink. Instantly one rushed over to her aid, stupefying the old man. The second man followed suit and made it his business to remove the frozen figure from the bar.

"Are you alright?" The first man asked, his brow furrowing with worry.

"I'm fine, thank you for stepping in." Aria smiled, brushing herself down, as though she was riding herself from the drunks disgusting touch.

The man returned a boyish grin, his eyes bright blue and full of kindness. Aria had never seen anyone like him. His presence was almost cartoon like, with positivity radiating from him. Aria couldn't help but let out a nervous laugh, her smile growing just by looking at him. His energy was contagious.

"Is... is there anything I can do to thank you?" She tried your shake herself back to reality though remained entranced by him.

"Nothing at all. I'm just glad I was here to help." He extended a hand, almost nervously, introducing himself. "Alexander Turner, pleasure to meet you."

"You too." Aria blushed, unable to break eye contact with the man, and was now incredibly aware of how dumbfounded she must look. "I'm Aria" She stuttered, the sound of his friend retuning sending her back to reality. "I apologise for staring, but I just can't seem to take my eyes off you, you have an enchanting aura about you. I'm sorry if I may seem a little strange."

"There's no need to apologise, I get it all the time." He laughed, though not arrogantly, it was sweet and innocent. "My mother's a Veela." He added, almost embarrassedly, upon noticing the slightly look of confusion appearing on Arias face.

The couple shared an awkward smile, both at a loss for words.

Alexander's friend passed by the pair silently, slapping him encouragingly on the shoulder before disappearing behind the bar, Rosalind following closely behind.

Aria noted the difference in both attitude and appearance in the two men, finally able to distinguish between the two. The friend was tall and broad shouldered, his hair messy though not long. He gave off a sort of American football, "bro", fratbroy vibe. In other words kind of arrogant and full of himself. Clearly he saw himself as the one in control. Alexander on the other hand was more slim, but not skinny. Tall but not lanky. Innocent but not naive. His clothes appeared similar to his friends but presented more neatly and well put together. She assumed he felt sorry for his friend, knowing his Veela parentage would gain him lots of female attention, and in return Alexander simply allowed himself to get pushed around to boost his friends ego.

With a roll of his eyes Alexander practically confirmed her theory and Aria couldn't stop herself from laughing once more.

Knowing that while Rosalind and 'Braydon'; as he turned out to be, would not be returning any time soon, Aria and Alexander chose to occupy one of the booths and get to know a little bit about each other, where Alex truly confirmed all of Aria's suspicions.

Upon Braydon's return, he flashed his rather large biceps, kissing each one in turn as he flexed them, before letting out a hearty growl, presumably this was a display of male dominance among his kind. His kind being; douchebags.

With another roll of her eyes Aria bid farewell to the men, thanking Alexander once more for his heroic rescue.

"How about a date?" Alex called nervously as Aria had just about reached the door.

"I'm sorry?" She replies, caught off guard.

"A date, here, with me. What do you say?" Aria shook her head unable to look away from that damn charming smile of his.

"I'll agree to a few drinks." She clarified. "Just send me an owl, you know where I'll be." And with that she disappeared once more down the path to Hogwarts, the grey sky above all the while threatening to rain down on her.

Taglist: @ayamenimthiriel @lizlil​

[voltage-scenarios-and-hcs]

I've been following your blog since way back when, I almost forgot about you for a minute! XD My request: The Love Letter From Thief X Gang Sleeping HCs. Who is a nightowl/early riser, who steals the blankets, what's their favorite position to sleep in, etc. Whatever strikes you. Please and thanks! And welcome back!

Aww, thank you for all of your support over the years!! I really appreciate it, and I’m glad to be back and writing again! @panfanwithaplan

Love Letter from Thief X (LLFTX) Sleeping HCs

Takuto Hirukawa

Definitely a night owl due to his working style

Has honestly no semblance of a structured sleeping schedule at all

Really the type of guy to just go to sleep when he’s tired and wake up whenever he wakes up

When the two of you start dating though, he’s surprisingly clinging and will cuddle up to you whenever you’re in bed

Definitely the type to demand cuddles (he’ll never say it out loud, but when he starts getting pouty and whiny and asking why you aren’t in bed yet, you’ll know) and clings to you like a koala

Favorite position to sleep in is cuddling you from behind, arms wrapped around you and face tucked into the crook of your neck

Although he’ll never admit to it, he’ll probably just make up some excuse about being cold and you were just a comfortable body pillow

You know this isn’t the case since you gave him a body pillow once that he promptly threw out the window

He claimed that it got destroyed in the washing machine

And when you joke about getting him another one he’ll get all tsundere-y and come up with all sorts of absurd reasons why you shouldn’t

Even when you try to online shop for anything, for whatever curious reason whenever you try adding body pillows to your cart they just magically disappear

Isn’t a big blanket stealer cause he just clings to you and you’re all he needs

Kenshi Inagaki

The epitome of early to bed, early to rise

Probably the guy that wakes up at four in the morning, prepares a protein shake and is trying to wake you up to go jogging with him

He stopped doing this after you threatened him when he dared to wake you up from your beauty sleep

Kenshi’s just so peppy in the mornings and full of energy, so it’s rare that you’d ever wake up before him

The two of you usually sleep face to face

And he’s more than happy to offer up his arm as a pillow (cause he’s got those nice, toned biceps)

But it’s easy for him to give you lots of kisses, especially when he’s still feeling energetic at night

So sometimes, you have to sleep with your face turned away from him so you can resist the temptation of kissing him

And to avoid having to look at his puppy dog eyes

Probably doesn’t steal the blankets that much since he seems like someone that would radiate heat

Hiro Sarashina

Likes to sleep in, and will whine if you try to pull him out of bed any earlier than needs be

He’ll use all of his charms to lure you back into bed with him, and usually it works

Sometimes he’s the big spoon, sometimes you’re the big spoon

He likes to pamper you, but sometimes he doesn’t mind if you spoil him

Especially when you play with his hair and run your fingers through his locks

It’s really relaxing to him and that easily makes him fall asleep

Steals the blankets because he thinks it’s cute how you whine and reach out for them to steal them back

Sometimes you’ll reach out to try and grab the blankets back and instead you accidentally grab his hand

(He positions his hand there on purpose)

Then he’ll tease you for trying to get his attention, and I can totally see the two of you getting into tickle fights

Which usually ends with Hiro pinning you down from above as he attacks your face with kisses

Riki Yanase

Early riser, due to always needing to be at his job early in the morning

Often the one that cooks breakfast and has it waiting for you when you get up in the morning

On days when you’re trying to sleep in or avoiding getting up, he’ll come in and literally drag you out of the bed as you whine

So he tells you he’ll give you kisses if you get out of bed

He pretends that he doesn’t know that you intentionally do that just for the kisses since he thinks it’s cute how you’re trying to trick him

Tends to be the big spoon and hold you tightly from behind, he also does it because sometimes he’ll tease you by poking and touching you in different places and it’s easier for him to dodge your attempts at retaliation

If he’s drunk one night though, he turns into a big baby and wants to be coddled

He wants you to snuggle with him and play with his hair and kiss his cheeks and forehead and-

And complains if you try to even move a bit away from him

I see him stealing the blankets from you just to mess with you before he throws the blankets over you and wraps you in a cocoon, holding you tight in his arms and not letting you escape until you kiss him

Atsumu Kashiwabara

Wakes up early due to running the bar and having to get things prepared in the morning

Always super sweet, kisses your forehead before he gets out of bed

Lets you sleep in and will get you to wake up with kisses

If you still try to stay in bed after that he’ll rub his beard against your face to tickle you

He knows you hate it when he does that, so he’ll run away afterwards cause he knows you’ll start a tickle fight with him for payback

Prefers to sleep so that the two of you are face to face

I see him as someone who likes having deep conversations into the night

Hugs you close when you sleep

Definitely not a blanket stealer, he’s super caring so he’s more likely to be the one that wraps the blankets tighter around you and fusses over you in case you might be feeling chilly or cold

Tatsuro Togoshi

You’d think he’d be an early riser due to his job

But since he tends to stay up late a lot, he’s usually super sleepy in the morning

Many times you’ll be the one that wakes up early and you intentionally turn his alarm off so he can catch some extra bits of sleep while you get breakfast ready

You’ll hear him running into the kitchen as you finish setting everything out, and he’s always super appreciative of you making sure he eats in the morning and has something for lunch

Thanks you with lots and lots of cuddles, definitely someone who likes to snuggle up to you

Prefers being the big spoon since he likes having you in his arms

Probably doesn’t like to be face to face with you cause he feels shy and he thinks you’re so pretty and cute and admits that sometimes he can’t fall asleep if you’re looking at him cause he’s too nervous

Will get super embarrassed if you suddenly hug him and tell him to rest his head against your chest

Yuki Arisugawa

I see him as someone who may stay up for long periods of time due to work

Then he just absolutely crashes and is out like a rock for a long time

King of sleepy eyes that blink up at you as he’s trying to wake up

Also probably has the best sounding just-woke-up voice

Especially if it’s been a while since the two of you have spent time together, he’ll likely tug you into bed with him and force you to cuddle with him while he gets some more sleep

I can see him being a blanket stealer and forming a cocoon cause he’s sensitive to cold

It’s too cute for you to really get mad at him cause he looks like he’s a giant puffball when he’s got all the blankets wrapped around him

Likes going to sleep with his head resting against your chest/shoulder, especially when you run your fingers through his hair

He’s very blunt and will comment on if you smell good (especially after you’ve just taken a shower) or that you feel super soft and nice to rest his head against

Hyosuke Kujo

Likes to wake up earlier than you so he can mess with you

He’ll start attacking you with tickles to get you to wake up

Or he’ll wake up and just keep poking your nose or cheeks to wake you up

Gets jealous easily, so if you did something that day that made him upset he’ll sleep face turned away from you cause he’s being stubborn

Will also at that point steal all the blankets to be a brat

When you fall asleep though, he makes sure you’re still asleep before he turns back around and cuddles up next to you

But you know exactly what he’s doing since you’ve woken up in the middle of the night to him wrapped around your arm

You pretend that you don’t know though since you think it’s adorable and he always makes up for it in the morning with apologies and lots of kisses to say sorry

Taiga Kujo

Night owl, definitely dedicated to his work since he’ll stay up late perusing scientific journals or any new research that he’s interested in

But since he’s a doctor, he’s often waking up early in the mornings

You’re definitely on top of things and you know exactly when it looks like he’s starting to get worn out

And at that point you threaten to literally sit on top of him so he’ll stay in bed and rest

Likes to hear you sing, so he’ll ask you to hum a lullaby to help him fall asleep

It’s a bit embarrassing, but you do so since he’s worked hard every day and deserves to get rest

Likes to have you in his arms so prefers to be the big spoon, arms wrapped around your waist as the two of you are face to face

Gives you the blankets cause he worries about you, and one day you wake up with a small mountain of blankets on top of you

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Thirty-Eight

Table of Content or Part Thirty-Seven

Read here on wattpad

A/N: Question — what song do you think of when you think of Nikki and Viv? I'm trying to see something

Word count: 3.3k

Warning(s): Explicit language, Sexual situations, Drug abuse

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My bare feet hook underneath his thighs the second I realize he's about to  finish and he gives a crooked smirk up at me, his breathing beginning to shallow.

Nikki holds my hips still, groaning out as his cum coats the inside of me, causing me to let out a hazey moan, my mind cloudy from our rather lengthy round.

Once he's finished, I'm getting off of him and falling beside him, catching my breath as we recover is silence fore several minutes.

"Are you on birth control or something?" He asks me out of nowhere and I tense up, looking at him.

"Why're you asking?"

"I've been thinking about it since Vince and Sharise had Skylar, for some reason. I mean, I haven't used a rubber since we started dating and most of the time I don't pull out, and we've only had one pregnancy scare in the past, what, like, four years?"

"You've managed to keep track of how long we've been together?" I ask him, pretending to be shocked and he gently hits my arm with the back of his hand, and I chuckle, rolling over to face him, my lips pressing to his bicep for a moment.

I think I'm in the clear, dodging his question, but I'm not.

"I'm being serious, Viv, are you on something or...?" He asks and I lick my lips.

"Maybe my antidepressant affects fertility, I don't know." I shrug, lying through my teeth. "Drugs can cause issues on your end, too, so maybe that's another reason."

"Oh." He replies.

I avoid looking at him, sitting up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed before reaching down to grab his shirt by my feet.

You know those lies, that start simple and small, and then snowball more and more over time and explode in flames from hell that melt the snow and turn it into scalding hot water that leaves third-degree burns on the person that's being lied to? Yeah, we both had lots of those, and that was one of mine.

I

take a shower and brush my teeth, excited for my plans tonight, and as I start putting makeup up on, Nikki's getting in the shower.

"Are you and Robin going out tonight?" I ask him.

"Uh, yeah. Sparkie's coming, too." He replies and I roll my eyes.

I know they'll go out to a club and hide in the bathroom, shooting up and snorting blow a  majority of the time, only leaving to get some drinks.

"My doctor was really curious as to why I needed a refill so soon being that he gave me a month supply a week before Sparkie traded it." I comment to remind him Sparkie's a piece of shit.

"Sparkie learned his lesson, baby." He tells me in a half-chuckle and I raise my brows at myself in the mirror and turn the sink on.

"Jesus fuck, Viv!" He screams, being bombarded with ice cold water for a moment.

"Awe, I'm sorry, maybe Sparkie can sympathize with you." I reply smartly.

He's getting out of the shower, covered in suds, glaring at me, and I take off running with him chasing close behind.

"Spoiled brat!" He calls at me, the both of us naked as jaybirds.

"Trader bastard!" I say back, right before he catches me, pulling me against his wet, soapy body, his hands not skipping a moment to start tickling me.

I squeal, the both of us falling to the floor, my feet and legs kicking out of instinct.

"Don't you do it." He threatens. "Remember what happened last time."

"Not my fault you're a pussy." I reply, immediately regretting it when he starts tickling me again, this time, getting on top of me to pin me down.

He doesn't let up until I'm laughing so hard I'm in tears, and he's tired of struggling with me.

We look at each other for a minute, before he grins and kisses me.

"I gotta finish getting ready." He tells me, getting off of me and helping me up.

"Yeah, I do, too."

I decided a nice trip to Malibu would be a great thing for GN'R. I mean, go to Tansy's house there, have her invite over some of her single girl friends to mingle with the guys, stay over night so they don't have to worry about whether or not they'd be able to crash at their stripper friends' apartment and sleep on the floor that night, have a nice breakfast together the next morning, and just give Axl and Izzy time to really get to know Tansy, because they haven't hung out with her very much, while Slash, Duff and Steven see her almost more than I do.

I glance around the living room of Tansy's Malibu beach house, seeing beach bunnies all around with perfectly tanned skin, bombshell hair and perfect smiles, then look at Steven and Slash, who seem to be having a pretty good time.

They both look like they're in heaven, girls on either side of them, obviously fans of their work on the Sunset Strip back in L.A.

Izzy took a girl up to the guest bedroom long ago, while Axl's just nursing a bottle of Jack, with a beautiful brunette chattering his ear off while he's pretending not to care about what Tansy's doing as she talks to one of her girl friends across the room.

I do a mental head count, and notice my 6'4 blonde is nowhere to be seen.

Maybe he found a girl or two of his own and followed in Izzy's footsteps, taking over a spare room?

I brush it off, deciding it's none of my business and step to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi out of the fridge. 

When I pass by the doors that lead to the balcony over looking the ocean, though, I see the outline of someone sitting in the lounge chair. 

Recognizing the slender frame, I grab my soda and head outside, Duff looking over his shoulder to see who I am, before smiling at me innocently, bottle of Vodka by his foot and pack of Marlboros on one knee as a sketch pad and pen are being supported by his other.

"Hi." I say as he scoots over to make room for me. "Mr. Social Butterfly." I add, sarcastically.

"Hey." He replies, moving his Vodka over so I won't knock it down with my foot.

"I figured you be eating that up." I motion to the door, referring to the gorgeous girls inside and he chuckles a little.

"I don't know, I haven't really been feeling chicks lately." He tells me and I furrow my brows a little.

"Well, I'm sure she has some boy friends, too, if you're feeling something different." I inform him, knowing what he meant, but he laughs and shakes his head.

"Not like that, Viv." He tells me and I pull my red hair behind my shoulders to get it out of my face, before taking a sip of my drink. "I've been, uh, working on something new, kinda. The lyrics have been going off left and right in my head, I just thought I'd better get somewhere quiet and write them down before I lose them." He explains, holding up his notepad.

"Oh, I'm sorry." I feel like I've intruded, or messed up his groove, about to leave him alone to finish but he puts his hand on my knee to stop me from standing up.

"No, no, it's fine." He insists, taking his hand off of me, not thinking anything of it, despite me feeling warmth radiate from where he touched me.

I ignore it.

"I've already gotten everything I had in mind, so far." He explains. "Just a verse and chorus."

"What's the name of it?" I ask, and he scratches the back of his neck.

"I don't know if I need to tell you. I'm superstitious about this stuff, Viv." He tells me, even though he's completely full of shit.

He just wants to aggravate me.

"It's just the title, Duff. You let me hear you say 'turn around, bitch, I gotta use for you' and this can't be worse than that." I point out and he chuckles, licking his lips before looking at me.

His hand covers the lyrics, exposing the title line of the page.

"Paradise City" is scribbled in his writing and I smile when he moves his hand and let's me read  the chorus, and verse that he's gotten so far, a giant smile pulling at my lips.

"Who the hell inspired this?" I ask him, raising my brows.

"Nobody particular." He shrugs. "You like it?"

"I already love it." I tell him.

Not to compare two completely different bands who earned their names all on their own, but there are a few song parallels between Guns N' Rose's Appetite for Destruction, and Mötley Crüe's Girls, Girls, Girls albums.

Guns' Welcome to the Jungle was like Mötley's Wild Side. Paradise City was like Girls, Girls, Girls. Mr. Brownstone was like Dancing on Glass. But my favorite parallel has to be Sweet Child O Mine and You're All I Need.

I remember Nikki had given me a tape of You're All I Need after we got into a massive argument because he thought I was spending too much time with Duff. But he had practically accused me of having feelings for Duff, and even acting on them (which was pretty hypocritical being that he'd been screwing Vanity since 1986 at that point.)

A few weeks later, Nikki convinced me to come down to the studio so he could personally give me a copy of a song he had written me, and me--being excited--decided I wanted the guys to hear it, too.

I went to the Franklin Plaza where Steven, Duff, Slash, Izzy and Axl were hanging out, discussing a meeting they'd had with their label.

When I told them Nikki wrote a love song about me (thinking it was his way of trying to patch up our marriage and say to the world "I love this woman") the guys had to hear it, not believing me.

The ballad started beautifully, tears coming to my eyes, but my warmed heart quickly began boiling in my chest by the time the second chorus ended.

"I don't think this is a love song." Izzy stated, while shaking his head a little.

"Yeah, uh...he's talking about killing you." Axl had told me, everyone seemed slightly disturbed.

"Your girlfriends get Sweet Child O Mine and what does the dedicated wife that has done nothing but love this sick bastard get?! A song dedicated to his deep desire to murder me!"

"Dude, hasn't he actually tried to kill you before?" Steven asked.

Which made the song even more ironic, along with the last line of the chorus, "and I loved you but you didn't love me" which in itself was slap in the fucking face.

I didn't hear the full song at that time because Duff had took it out of the player and stomped it under his cowboy boot.

That pretty much set the tone for the months to come.

"You're also incredibly biased." He replies in the same tone and I nudge him with my elbow.

"You don't know how many songs I have actually had to tear out of Nikki's hand and hide them from him because they were so bad I just could not allow them to be recorded." I tell him.

"Oh, please." He brushes me off.

"Have you heard 'Theater of Pain'?" I ask him with raised brows.

"Yeah."

"Home Sweet Home and Smokin' in the Boy's Room were the only really good ones. And Smokin' in the Boy's Room was a cover. The other songs were songs I didn't know were written, or I would have hid them from him, too." I state and he tries not to laugh, but fails, making himself snort, which kickstarts my laughter. 

Once we settle down, he clears his throat, and gets a kind of serious expression on his face.

"I really wish he wasn't on that shit, Viv." He tells me and I don't even have to ask who he's talking about. "I mean, I'm not judging him or whatever because Izzy and Slash are in on that stuff, too, but...I just hate to see he's on it, because it's kinda hard to manage it once you hit a certain point, ya know?" He asks and I nod a little. "I think he's a pretty cool guy...so it sucks to see him act like that."

"It's not that bad, right now." I tell him, completely in denial. "He's still Nikki, he just does stuff he's not suppose to. That's nothing new to me."

"I'm just a little worried, is all." He admits.

"There's no need to be." I reassure him. "He's got a handle on things."

Dear God did I eat those words a week later in Dallas, Texas.

It's like watching a fucking car accident. 

Except instead of a car, it's my husband, and instead of a car accident, it's him losing his ever loving mind, crouched on the hotel room desk, as he babbles on, making absolutely no sense as he shouts at his parents who aren't even present.

I just came back from the pool, got a shower, and came in to him doing this.

"Nikki!" I try to get him out of whatever drug-induced show he's on.

"I'm not me! I'm not Nikki! I'm someone else!" He insists, hands yanking at his hair, his eyes completely taken over by an entirely different beast. 

I panic, immediately calling Fred.

"The fuck is wrong?!" He asks when I open the door, hearing Nikki's screaming and carrying on and I try to keep the absolute fear that's locking up my system from showing.

"I-I don't know. I got in from the pool and he was kinda jittery but I thought he'd done some blow, but then he started screaming when I was in the shower and now he's--"

Fred gets tired of hearing Nikki's meaningless shrieks at people who aren't in the room with us, and snatches him off the desk.

Nikki hits the floor, and a switch is flipped, sending him into strong convulsions, opting thick, white foam to pour from his mouth.

"Fuck, Sixx!" Fred lets out, turning him on his side. "Get me a roll of toilet-paper." He barks at me and I do as I'm told, saying a very colorful, silent prayer in my head. 

He tries to get Nikki to bite down on it to keep him from biting his tongue, but Nikki can't do it. screaming instead.

When I think I can't take the confused, scared, out-of-character shrill, it's like God himself knocks Nikki out, leaving Fred and I in complete silence, riddled with what just happened.

Fred checks his pulse and sighs in relief, looking at me.

"Viv, are you alright?" He asks me, taking deep breaths.

"Y-yeah." I say, nodding, even though I know it's written all over my face that I can't be further from "alright."

"Vivian--"

"I just need a second." I tell him, standing up to go to the bathroom, disguising oncoming tears in a strong, steady voice that's physically uncomfortable to push past the lump in my throat.

I lock myself inside the bathroom and turn the water back on, gripping the counter before I find myself in the floor, quiet sobs rocking through me.

I just want my Nikki back...not this tainted demon nesting himself in Nikki's skin, festering his bullshit in Nikki's mind.

By the time I'm worn down from crying, and tired from lying on the bathroom floor, I pull myself up and open the bathroom door, stepping into the room.

I guess Fred put Nikki in the bed before he left, because Nikki's still passed out, just tucked in the covers. 

I get pajamas on, scared to even touch him because I don't want him to start seizing again.

Cautiously getting closer to him, nestling my forehead against his arm, I thank God for the feeling of his pulse under my finger tips in the crook of his arm, and find myself passing out with utter exhaustion.

The next morning, Nikki's really quiet.

I'm not sure if he remembers what happened last night, but I'm not asking him. 

After finding a needle and evidence of an 8-ball of coke, he can lick my twat if he thinks I'm talking to him anytime soon. 

The video shoot for Home Sweet Home is happening today, and a limo picks Nikki and I up at the hotel, driving us to the venue, neither of us acknowledging the other. 

Once we get there, someone's dressing Nikki like a damn toddler, because he's too fucked from last night to dress himself in his done up stage costume.

Nikki was so, so, so, obviously, utterly fucked up when they filmed the music video for Home Sweet Home. 

The entire time, he was chugging Jack to try to calm himself down from a high he later described felt like, "being on acid and speed at the same time" and with the way he was acting like he couldn't see a damn thing, I believe it. 

He kept sunglasses on a majority of the time so people couldn't see how his eye were practically doing cartwheels. 

"Viv, we're about to start, where's Nikki?" His bass tech asks me and I glance around, furrowing my brows a little.

"I haven't seen in him about an hour. He went over there by the stage...at least I think he did." I tell him, stepping over to the last place I saw him. "He was here and..." I trail off, hearing Nikki having a full blown conversation, his voice coming from underneath the stage.

The two of us sit and listen for a moment, realizing Nikki's just talking, taking long pauses, then answering a question that was never asked by anybody, not even himself.

"Who is he talking to?" His tech asks me under his breath so Nikki won't hear.

I roll my jaw, getting fed up.

"Probably the fucking demon he sees and befriends every time he gets high." I state, fully believing that at this point, there is indeed a demon following him around, breathing down his neck, stripping him of his control and cheering him on with each grain of coke, bottle of Jack, cc of heroin and prescription-grade pill.

"Nikki," His tech starts. "Who're you talking to?"

"I'm talking. Leave me alone." Nikki argues.

"Nikki." I state, looking at him. 

It's the first time he's heard my voice all day.

"There's nobody there, baby. C'mon." I motion my hand for him to get out from under the stage.

"Leave me alone!" He snaps at me, nearly hissing.

"Dude, calm down, you're freaking out." His tech tells him. 

"Nikki, get your ass out from under there or so help me God, I will come in and drag you out by your dick." I promise him. 

He puffs up like a pissed off rooster and stomps out, passing by us, grumbling under his breath.

Do you wanna know what was really fucked up about that time? Vince couldn't have a beer without someone losing their mind. He was supposed to be sober. Nikki would bust Vince's balls if he even saw him looking at a bottle...but then Nikki would load anything and everything into his body, simultaneously.

Vince quickly became the odd man out, and had been ever since that night with Razzle. There was this vibe, this tension, that Vince was only kept in the band at that time, because they were getting hotter and hotter, and each member was the ticket to reach their full potential as a band. Each member was important.

Without Tommy, there was no band. Without Mick, there was no band. Without Nikki, there was no band.

And without Vince, there was no band...that was the one that really didn't sit too well with Sikki.

[aghostpost]

So glad you are taking requests, I've missed your writing! Would love you to write some smut with Frank as you always include so many kinks. How about one where Frank's been gone for weeks and the reader thinks tonight is going to be just her alone again, so she decides to enjoy some self-loving, Frank turns up and watches her until she realises he's there and smut ensues?! Bonus points if he gets her to taste herself off his fingers/tongue and lots of praise kink!

A/N: I loved this request! I was already writing something similar to this (as far as Frank being gone forever and what not) but I didn’t have an ending, so this worked out great! It’s only slightly different from this request but I think it worked out perfectly. And as much as I tried to chop it down it issssss a bit lengthy hehe whoops. Hope you enjoy~ ♥

The duffle bag slung over his shoulder was heavier than it looked, but I still managed to grab it with both hands to set it beside the apartment door. I looked him up and down while his eyes looked directly past me. He seemed fine. No bleeding, no bruises on his face, or at least no new ones. Seemingly there was not one reason for him to have been avoiding me the last nine days, and judging by the way he refused to make eye contact with me, I’m sure he knew exactly what I was thinking.

I turned and headed back to the kitchen. “Go shower; dinner’s in fifteen.”

I continued stirring the green beans I was preparing as I listened to the shower stream in the bathroom. Suddenly I felt stupid and even angrier for throwing on one of his t-shirts after my shower earlier… For days I was worried sick wondering what the fuck happened to Frank. Where was he? Did he finally get caught? Even worse, was he dead somewhere in an unmarked ditch courtesy of some local mafia chapter? Then I saw him on the news two days ago and saw he was just the same as ever, wreaking havoc and dashing around the city like a mad man. That night I started using that spare key he gave me to come and wait for his return, fuming and ready to let him have it.

But seeing him now, I was dealing with a different kind of anger. It was the kind of anger where words couldn’t even begin to express how upset I was. I saw his face and felt a wave of heat radiate off me and shake through my body.

He was lucky I prepared extra food to have for lunch the next few days. I heard the shower stop running as I pulled the baked chicken from the oven, and moments after placing two prepared plates on an old crate Frank used as a coffee table he walked out of the bedroom still toweling his head. Frank Castle was by no means a salad eater but not only did he need the greens, but I used the moment to be petty because I knew the last thing he’d do was not eat every crumb on that plate. No way he’d risk getting even further on my bad side.

No words were exchanged between us as we ate. I sipped at my third glass of wine; I like to drink while I cook. I bet he’d be thankful knowing the wine was mellowing me out, but of course not entirely.

I reclined against the sofa with my plate in my lap, feet propped up on the crate and ate as I would look at him sitting on the floor. He was hovering over his plate and shoveling food into his mouth like a barbarian; I wonder what his last good meal was… I looked at Max as he made his way over to Frank, looking for a snack and probably glad to see something other than the fifteen-pound bag of kibble Frank left tipped over for him in his absence. I’m surprised he didn’t eat himself into a doggy coma.

I watched as he went to tear a piece of his chicken thigh. “Wow. Wish I got a treat for you leaving me for over a week.” He continued chewing, dropping the meat for Max to catch before giving him a rub. “I didn’t spend all evening in the kitchen to give you half my lunch for the week so you could give it to Max.”

“He’s not allowed any of our food anymore?”

“Sure, if you wanna spoil him rotten and fatten him up.”

“You never had anything to say about it any ot-”

“-Well I have something to say about it tonight. If you want I can just scrape your plate into his bowl?” He said nothing more and also didn’t give Max another bite. “Don’t forget your vegetables,” I said with a tone of warning. He quickly diverted his fork from his mashed potatoes to the salad and picked up a heaping amount, finally looking me directly in the eye as he took a bite. I rolled my eyes and focused on my own food.

It was quiet in the room save for the sounds of forks tapping against the plates and the occasional crunch of a crouton. Once Frank finished, salad and all, he rose and washed his dishes while I scrolled through my cell and continued taking my time with dinner. He stood against the wall leading out of the living room and to the bedroom hallway with his arms folded.

He waited patiently for me to finish, not moving or saying a word.

Because what could he do or say to fix this?

I placed my mess in the sink before pouring one final glass of wine, taking some sips before making my way to the bedroom. As I passed Frank he unfroze himself to take hold of my upper arm before I immediately pulled away. “Don’t.” Without warning he took my wine glass from me before bending and wrapping an arm around my thighs, lifting me from the floor and walking to the bedroom. He set the glass down on the dresser before dropping me flat on my back on the bed.

“Git. Go on, go,” he ordered, shooing Max from the room as he closed the door. This is what he usually did when we were gonna have sex. Max liked getting into bed with us so he made a habit of closing the door before things got heated up.

I rose from the bed and went to go open the door, but his massive form blocked me before I even made it halfway there. We stood there, staring at each other momentarily before I reached for my wine glass. He said nothing as he watched me gulp the entire glass, some of it missing my mouth and running down my neck. Without hesitation he moved forward to wipe the mess away, his eyes not breaking from mine. I turned from his hand and backed up two steps, staring him down before hurling the glass on the corner of the room. It was in that moment I realized a lot of my anger was based off fear.

I had been scared.

“Fuck you.” At those words he began a slow march forward as I walked backwards to the bed. When the back of my legs touched the rickety frame I sat down, watching his steel gaze as he inched closer to me. When he stood before me he dropped to his knees and looked me directly in my eyes. “Did you hear me Frank?” I spoke with bite but there was still a slight slur in my speech. “I said. Fuck. You.”

“I heardja.” Were those the first words he spoke tonight? I couldn’t remember. All I knew was hearing his voice felt like someone had finally turned the lights on in my head. Like I was staring into darkness and suddenly a camera flash went off right in front of my eyes. Suddenly I felt myself turn to stone as his hands reached my hips.

It was always odd to me when he was gentle.

I reacted the only way I knew how: with a slap.

He stared at my waist as his hands rested, but his thumbs moved in slow circles at my hip bones. “Stop it,” I spoke softly, my eyes getting heavy and my head swaying. I sighed and went to pry his hands from me. He simply used the opportunity to intertwine his fingers with mine and pull my body closer to him. “No.” He pressed his nose to the base of my neck and inhaled as he moved upward towards my ear. I was still trying to free my hands but his grip was tight and unwavering; at every movement his hands constricted mine. His stubble grazed my cheek ever so lightly and my eyes snapped shut, my hips suddenly motioning towards the edge of the bed one time to get closer to him. “Let go!” In my head I demanded it but it came out as more of a plea.

He couldn’t win this easily. He couldn’t leave me and have my mind running a mental marathon of the absolute worst series of events and come here and have me any and every way he wanted. I snapped to and while he held my hands, yes, my legs were entirely free. I rose from the bed quickly and he followed, finally releasing his grip to rip his shirt off in record timing. I couldn’t make a run for the door before he was pushing me flat on the bed, body between my legs and hands making quick work of my pajama shorts. I was too busy staring at the cuts and bruises healing on his body; long bandages meant cuts, small squares meant bullet holes. He began slowly rubbing my thighs as he stared at me. I looked back at him for a moment, anger still very present, before deciding to get rid off his jeans. I ripped his belt from the loops and unbuttoned them as I stared back into those obsidian marbles in his head. It wasn’t until I released his zipper that I broke eye contact and pushed him off of me so he could manage the rest.

“I hate you.” The words managed to trip out of my mouth with very little sting, of course because I didn’t mean them. At times yes, I hated how Frank treated me; being left to wonder whether the prick is alive or not for extended periods of time just for him to casually waltz through the door? Didn’t exactly incite warm thoughts about the guy. But did I hate him? No. I should, but I didn’t. All I could think of was how he was the exact opposite of the man my parents would want me to invest any time into. But fuck it. If I was going to be stupid enough to waste my time with Frank the very least I could do was get toe-curling sex while I was at it.

“I hate you,” I repeated as his fully naked form hovered over me like a beast ready to pounce at my slightest movement. He grabbed my arms and pulled me upright to get his beaten up black shirt over my head. My hands flew to the thick curly mess on top of his head and forced him down to me, his mouth hungrily finding my breast. Good thing I was braless; I didn’t have to wait a single second to feel this. While normally my mind would be completely wiped of anything outside of this moment, I still felt anger. More importantly, with him being here now, I realized exactly how much I missed him, and how afraid I was I’d never see him again. “Touch me.”

He trailed his mouth to my neck and pressed just below my ear. “Where?” he growled.

My hands gripped the roots of his hair as I had my first orgasm of the night. I kept quiet as a mouse and my reactions to a minimum; the last thing I needed was Frank bragging and teasing that he could make me cum with his voice alone. I guess I missed him more than I thought. No matter how infuriated I was with him my body wanted what it wanted, and it was always in the mood for some Frank.

God, that was so fucking annoying.

He was still waiting for an answer when I mustered all the strength I could to push him off of me to the foot of the bed. “Jesus Christ.” He stared at me blankly, hesitating briefly before moving to make his way back to me. “No!” I shouted, stilling him instantly. I stared him down as I gathered the flattened excuses for pillows he had and the one good pillow I brought here for when I slept over, propping them up behind me. “You don’t get to do whatever you want with me,” I told him as I reclined, resting my feet on the bed so my legs were propped up, giving him a perfect view of what rested in between. I reached a hand to feel the soaked spot in my panties before pulling them down as best as I could, only managing to free one leg as they dangled around my left knee.

I sighed as the wine hit me like a wave and looked at him as I placed a hand at my wet lips. “You think that’s okay? Making me worry about you like that?” I asked, gently rubbing myself without breaking eye contact with him. I continued that way until I needed more; punishing him was slowly beginning to punish me. “Look at what happens when I miss you,” I teased, slipping my middle finger inside myself while running my left foot delicately up his thigh, then his chest to rest pointedly on his shoulder. “You drive me crazy, you know that?” I felt his body tense slightly under my foot as my eyes fought to stay open.

I watched him, my eyes slack as I pleasured myself. I challenged him to move. I had every right to be upset and find him undeserving of fucking me, no matter how badly we both wanted it. I was a treat, and Frank was deep in the doghouse. But I say this knowing I’ll end up under him before the night was over; like I said, my body wants what it wants. Still, I could milk a docile Frank Castle while the moment lasted. “I… I needed you… Why’d you leave me, Frank?” I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth. He shifted forward slightly before I pressed my foot down on his chest, signaling him to stay right where he was. “Sss, what? Didn’t you miss me?” I moaned, my eyes closing as my head rolled back into the stack of pillows behind me.

He lunged for me and this time I didn’t stop him. I was ready, and more importantly than that I needed him. His hand grazed just behind my knee and my back arched as he pulled my panties from around my leg, tossing them behind him. He slowly pulled my hand to replace it with his, which was great because now I could grip the sheets for dear life. His fingers were thicker, and knew what I needed just as much as I did. Hell, they probably knew better. Two fingers filled me as his thumb gently massaged my clit as he leaned forward, his growing facial hair brushing the side of my face. “Lemme show you how much I missed ya.”

I moaned at his words, his voice getting to me again. I reached down with my hands to grab his wrist as he kissed along my jawline. I felt him pulling his hand out, begging him not to and trying to hold it in place with mine until he replaced it with his fully erect cock. “Oh, God,” I mewled, my legs wrapping around his waist instantly as I guided him deeper into me. “Show me. Sss- Please, please show me.” He grabbed my chin before gently rubbing his thumb against my bottom lip.

“Look at me,” he demanded. My eyes managed to open and I saw him staring at my mouth before before his eyes looked into mine. “I’m sorry. I shouldna left you worryin’ the way I did.”

“No. You shouldn’t have.” We stared at each other little longer and that big dumb puppy look on his face warmed my angry heart enough; at least for now. I held the sides of his head, my fingers playing with the thick hair that grew from the buzzcut he had when he left. “Kiss me already.” Instead of obliging he pulled his hand to his lips, taking in his fingers coated in my slickness as he held eye contact with me. “You dirty dog…” He winked before bending down to finally kiss me for the first time in what felt like years. And I knew exactly what he was up to, he was just too afraid to ask; knew he was skating on thin ice with me. I laughed to myself in my head as I pulled his bottom lip into my mouth, still moist with my essence. A deep growl rumbled in him and pushed himself both deeper into the kiss and into me. I released his lip to let out a small cry of pain. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get used to Frank’s full size, but I’d damn sure try every time he wanted. I gripped at the roots of his hair and pulled, my back arching to take in more of him.

“Ya like tastin’ yourself on me?”

I rolled my eyes. “Not as much as you like making me do it.”

He cracked a crooked grin. “But yer just so good at it,” he teased, nipping at my neck. “So good at a lotta things.”

I felt my face warm up, partially from the compliments and partially from sheer arousal. “I am?” The question poured softly from my lips.

He pushed himself off the mattress to rest upright on his knees, rough hands grabbing my waist to slowly work his way in and out of me. “Amazin’,” he grunted. “Ya taste how sweet you are?”

“Mmm, like candy.”

“An’ look how good ya take me…” I placed my hands over his, holding them in place as his grip on my waist tightened, the pads of his fingers digging deep into me. He was vocal tonight, more vocal than I’ve ever heard him. I wasn’t complaining at all though, but I never really got complimented much during sex like this. It was making me feel bashful which was foreign for me. “Ya think I didn’t miss this?”

I used my hold on his wrists to pull myself up before slinging my arms around his neck, wrapping around him and burying my face in his neck. “Tell me you missed me,” I begged before I ran a hot tongue on the outer shell of his ear, gently biting it between my front teeth.

“Everyday,” he grunted. I pushed him backwards and rode him for dear life, missing the feeling of being filled to the brim by this man.I stretched my body reaching for my head, and his hands flew to my breasts, roughly palming and squeezing them. “Aren’t you a fuckin’ sight…”

“Sss, fuck, Frank…”

“That’s right, Y/N. Ride it just like that.”

I wanted more. I needed to feel him at full force. I grabbed his hands, interlacing his fingers with mine and allowing him to squeeze them. “I need you.”

“Whaddaya need? Tell me whatcha need.”

“I… I need you t-to fuck me.”

“C’mere,” he ordered, pulling me down to him. Our hands still glued together I outstretched our arms and kissed him with as much passion as I could. He growled lowly into my mouth as my tongue invaded his, bucking his hips and causing me to cry out.

“Shit!”

He never took his mouth from mine as he shot up and forced me into a straddling position. He then lifted me up and turned me around; I got on my hands and knees and grips the sheets to brace myself as best as I could, though I already knew nothing was gonna prepare me for Frank when he was on a mission. I assigned him a task and now he was going to perform and complete it. A burly arm snaked its way around my hip and a hand slid southward, petting my pussy a few times. “My eager girl.”

“Fuck you. Wouldn’t you be eager after nearly two weeks?”

He chuckled to himself. “Who said I ain’t?” he question, slowly inserting himself into me from behind. “I’m eager for ya after two hours.”

“Sss, liar,” whispered through clenched teeth. I spread my legs and bent forward until my tits were planted into the mattress, my back concave and my ass perched to the ceiling. I looked back at him over my shoulder with my eyes at half mast, drunk from both the wine and the overwhelming lust for him, seductively pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. “Make me a believer.”

And after only a few minutes he did exactly that. I looked over an noticed the bedroom window was cracked, but unfortunately I couldn’t shut my mouth or even attempt to lower my volume. I wonder if this would be the time that my neighbors would complain, but even the prospect of that couldn’t stop me. Things only worsened when he pulled my arms behind me and gripped at the elbows, forcing me to damn near fold as my back concaved even deeper. “Jesus Christ!” He continued that way for a bit before snaking his arms around me, running over my stomach, in between my breasts, and hand at the base of my neck. His touch exploring me felt like a lake of lava running all over me and leaving a smoking trail of black ash in its wake. ”Sss, ah! Oh… G-God, help me,” I rushed in one hot breath.

“Ya feel that?” he grunted as he bent beside me to speak into my ear.

“Yes!”

“Ya like that?”

“I love it, I love it- Ss, fuck me, I love it!”

“I betcha do. Listen to ya,” he spoke too many octaves too low before leaning back to slap my ass. I cried out even louder than I had already been which I didn’t even think possible. “Lemme hear ya,” he demanded, slapping my ass again. “Ya still love it?”

“Yes!”

“Can’t hear ya.”

“Ah! Sss, I love it, Frank. Fuck- Yes yes yes!”

“Nasty girl…” He began fucking me like a wild beast, grunting and growling deep with each stroke. His firm hand held my neck as he pulled my back to his chest, his other arm around my waist. He pulled my head backwards and moved directly next to my ear. “A very good girl, but a nasty one.”

“Oh, fu… Fuck!” My hand flew to my pussy to rub the orgasm outta me as soon as I could, since I couldn’t imagine going like this any longer before I snapped in half. I felt like I was going to pass out as overwhelmed as I was, and for the life of me couldn’t remember what I was even upset with this man over. “I-I can’t-”

“-What can’t ya do? Hm?”

“I’m gonna cum!”

He forced me to make eye contact with him, his grasp still firm around my neck. “So beautiful… comin’ from that pretty lil’ mouth.”

My hand left my clit and flew to his hair, clenching at he dark, thick curls and pulling him to me for a kiss. Well, if you wanted to call that. It was more of me trying to drain him for every drop that was in him, and him exorcising one of the top three orgasms I’ve ever had from my body. His tongue overpowered mine as my whole body turned to jelly. I tried desperately to get away from him and his overwhelming touch, but he held me tight and close to his body for a few final pumps before climaxing himself. He collapsed on top of me, his breathing like he just ran a marathon, my arms sprawled on the mattress and my face turned to the side to avoid suffocating.

We remained silent and catching our breath momentarily. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of cars outside, late night drunks leaving the bar a block away, Frank’s breathing. Finally he rolled off of me, walking into the bathroom to relieve himself and wash up; this was his routine and he never veered off from it even once. I sighed and did the same, walking past him to grab the baby wipes I kept under the sink to clean myself up. We caught each other’s eye in the mirror above the sink and held in smirks, no one saying a word to the other.

Once we were all clean and for the most part clothed, at least we put our underwear back on, Frank returned to bed on his back with an arm outstretched for me to rest my head on as I lay next to him. I liked more than anything that Frank and I could have comfortable silence. But we didn’t remain that way long; there was only one thing I needed to say before our night ended with well deserved recuperation sleep. “Don’t ever do that to me again.”

“What? The sex?”

I rolled at my eyes and looked up at him, waiting for him to meet my gaze. “Frank…  If this happens again-”

“-Alright alright, c’mon now- We don’t gotta make threats, hm? I hear ya.”

“I’m serious. Frank?” He sighed and tried to turn his head back to the ceiling but I redirected him to look at me again. “Never again.”

He stared at me, not a tone of playfulness in my eyes, and nodded his head. “I’m so-”

“-Ah ah… Never. Again.”

“Ya got my word.”

“I wanna hear you say it.”

“Never again.”

We stared a moment longer before I gave him a smile and a kiss on the jaw; soft, nothing that would get us going for a round two.”You better not. Don’t think I’d take Max if you disappear either, my place doesn’t allow dogs.”

He huffed a small laugh through his nose. “Let me in there just fine.”

I rolled my eyes. I always hated when he talked down on himself. “Shut up and go to bed.”

He grinned to himself and got comfortable, closing his eyes with an arm still situated around me shoulders. “Yes, ma’am.”

[fromanna]

last diary entry for the night i promise

13 June 2022.

#149 CURRENTLY Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? No

Was your last kiss, standing up, sitting down, or lying down? Standing up, in the hallway just inside my hotel room door. I didn't realize he was coordinating his friends leaving ahead of him until he bent down and kissed me goodnight before he left.

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? I'm glad that I'm here, and I think I can regret hurting people at the same time.

Are you excited for anything? To read another really good book, to cook dinner with Sav tomorrow night. To eat a tomato I've grown.

Are you mad at someone right now? Yeah

Do you sleep with a fan on? No

How is your hair right now? In an olaplex hair mask

Have you ever taken a shower with anyone before? Yeah.

Have you ever been cheated on? Yeah. I think just the once though

Are you hard to please? Yeah.

When are you at your happiest? When joking around with friends and Mac, when someone remembered something about me that I didn't know they noticed... just generally human connection.

Is there anything you wish you did today? Why haven’t you done it? I got a good amount of work done, and everything on the list except a scholarship application. I think I haven't started it because it's not due for another two weeks. I should look at it on Friday before I leave town.

Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors? Always outside.

What were you doing before you started this survey? Trying to find a spotify playlist I don't think exists. Before that, work.

Can you honestly say that you love yourself? Yeah.

Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? No.

Do you believe that there are certain circumstances where cheating is okay? No.

How was your weekend? Pretty alright. Tired from a bach party, and had to work Saturday too, so just worn out. But this next one Mac is in town for a whole week, and I think I get to see Danie too!

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No.

What is the last thing you cooked today? Nothing.

What do you always take with you? Phone, wallet, keys.

Last person you drove around in a car with? Grace and Pate, probably.

Do you think relationships are hard? Yeah. So hard that I genuinely don't think I can do it again. I get so scared that every fight is the end.

Any friends who are constantly venting about their significant other? Not really these days.

Have you ever been ice-skating? Yes. I prefer roller skating though.

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? Yes, I always sleep through storms. Though I usually fall asleep to an audiobook these days.

Anything in your room that you’re hiding from your parents or someone else? I would hide a few things, but more to not have to start a conversation than anything else.

Do you think you’d have what it takes to shoot someone if you had to protect yourself? No.

What’s your most noticeable flaw? I feel at all times like a trapped bird.

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? Yeah.

When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it? I often believe people at face value. If someone's lying and I can tell, I just assume they have a good reason to not tell me the truth in that moment. If it's a work thing, I'll come up with a casual way to address the issue.

Do you find serial killers fascinating? No.

Is your hair damaged? No.

Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? I live alone

Who was the last person you threw out of your life? Hmmm. I don't really remember. I last saw an old rm right after an ex and I broke up, so call that two birds one stone

Are you wearing socks? No

When was the last time you cried? Today I heard Dan Campbell sing "All the fingers hanging lifeless, fists balled up in my gloves / It's another mild winter, but I still feel them going numb / Jill smiles as I walk in / There's a quiet sort of hum / Finally home after a long year / The house radiating love" and teared up. I think I was thinking that this year I finally have someone who wants me home for Christmas.

What do you hear right now? The AC unit in the bushes outside my window

How many hours did you sleep last night? 7? I woke up really foggy today. I wonder if I'm getting worse because it's nearly midnight and I haven't finished work and I have a long day tomorrow....

Is something bothering you right now? I wish I was more in control of my actions. I wish I finished tt 4 hours ago and spent the evening doing a puzzle. Relax time isn't relaxing if it's just avoiding work.

What were you doing at 9 AM this morning? Meeting with Katie about the Rainbow Fish party.

Has someone disappointed you recently? No.

Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? I don't know.

If you could pack up and move, would you? Maybe. I'm not done here yet though

Do you hate when people smoke around you? Nah, I don't mind. The smell reminds me of some people I love, and a few I used to love.

Who has messaged you in the last 24 hours? Michael, Kate H., Grace, Danie, Sav, Tori, Bryce, Will, Anna, Mac, Noah, Pate, Jessi.

#149 CURRENTLY