#so I'm not repulsed or anything
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I know Malyen was supposed to fuck all the girls of First Army, but so far his performance with Alina includes a lot of groping, as if he weren't familiar with the concept of erogenous zones or warming the girl up.
Aleksander on the other hand, could make a woman wet through pages of a book...
#Grishaverse#Malyen Oretsev#The Darkling#Darklina#grishanalyticritical#V#anti Mal#anti Malina#Sorry#but so far it looks like Alina's getting aroused mostly because 'It's Mal.'.#As for the rest of his conquests...#well#Zoya for example found his physique attractive#and she sure as hell knows how to use her own fingers.#I'm trying really hard not to think these 'lowly' thoughts#but Malyen's 'sexy' moments don't do anything to me.#Or worse- I find them aggressively repulsive.#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#Aleksander's touching Alina as if he couldn't get enough of her.#Malyen's like a dog with a bone.
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I'm going to go insane. My adoptive guardian had just told me three times now that I can't call myself asexual because I haven't even had sex yet. So to cope:
Imagine your f/o finding out you're asexual, whether by accident, straight up telling them, hell even just them seeing you wearing a pin or having the flag in your room. And they're all for it. They'd never have pressured you into anything, anyway, and they'd even meant to ask you at some point... But now they know, and it doesn't change a single thing about how they see you. They still love you.
#fuck.#bunn talks#vent post#personal vent#asexuality#asexual#ace#f/o#romantic f/o#<- personal reasons but. you can try to see it another way.#I'm apothisexual (sex-repulsed) so hearing a 50 y/o man tell me I've not experienced anything to make that decision#yeah I'm a little furious
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GOD writing friendship is making me so happy this is wonderful. friendship is the point of it all (rainbows fly everywhere like that dolphin picture)
#SEE I ACTUALLY. DONT .. READ A LOT OF FANFICTION#if i see it brought up by someone else or it REALLY grabs me i will#or unless it's a fic with a ship i actively really like (very few)#this is definitely the aro spectrum in me talking but i dont always. particularly enjoy that fanfics feel so deeply romance centric. yk??#I'm not even romance repulsed so i cant imagine what thatd feel like for people who ARE. one out of every million billion fics for you ONLY#it's definitely not EVERYWHERE and i think it's still awesome it's just not always for me#and I'll write it too Sometimes but i do worry occasionally that *that's* what makes a story have merit in fandom spaces and not like#literally anything else#not saying people should write romance less!! AM saying we should write platonic stuff more it'd be really fun and awesome#joy and whimsy forever for everybody#uhhhhh how do i tag this one#jeremy lore post#aro lore i fucking guess 🔥
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gang i have to share this P. G. Wodehouse quote with you all because ever since I found it I can't stop thinking about it. it's from a letter he wrote when he was 78 years old to his friend Guy Bolton (many thanks to P. G. Wodehouse: A Life in Letters)
I have been on the sick list myself, but am better now. Inflamed bladder or chill on the bladder or something, the symptoms being agony when I passed water, as the expression is. It brought back the brave old days when I used to get clap.
he really said "yeah the pain from my bladder issue reminds of the days when I used to have so much sex I repeatedly got venereal disease"
#red randomness#p. g. wodehouse#he was so known for not having sex with his beloved wife#that i truly didn't expect this at all#i feel like i see a lot of people saying with a great deal of confidence that he was sex-repulsed ace#especially due to the wife thing#but while he certainly may have been ace on some level#i feel like at the very least this casts some doubt on the sex-repulsed part lmao#i suppose it's possible he was lying but wouldn't this be such a specific and unnecessary lie in this context?#especially for a private letter to a friend he'd known and worked with for decades#because he really didn't even need to bring it up#of course i am open to evidence to the contrary#i just dislike seeing overconfident opinions broadly prevail#even when aspects of a real person's life suggest the possibility of otherwise#the study of history is meant to breed discussion!#and something that goes against the grain of past assumption is certainly worth discussing imo#also very grateful to the unpublished monograph by George Simmers about Honeysuckle Cottage#because that's how i found out about this letter in the first place!#great monograph mr. simmers please publish it someday#opened my third eye about the potential latent homosexuality in that story (among other things)#and at risk of having someone get mad at me or say i'm trying to like. diminish or slander the ace community by saying this#please don't assume that. that's why i've been afraid to share this before.#i'm not confidently stating wodehouse is anything. he's a real man who lived and i didn't know him#but by the same token neither does anyone else#i'm just as tired of people in history who have a fair amount of suggestion of being aroace being broadly assumed gay#despite evidence to the contrary#or people confidently assigning queerness to historical figures when evidence of them being queer in any way is ambiguous at best#everything in history is a maybe. we just collect facts and analyze them.#and my current analysis based on this line is that i'm not sure i think he was very sex-repulsed after all#(but like. i'm not going around insulting or fighting people about it in dms or something. and neither should you)
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WAIT YOU'RE FICTO TOO!?!? (saw your tags) (has also only ever been attracted to fictional characters)
Ye! o/ Aromantic/Aegofictosexual! (Aegosexual + Fictosexual)
(For anyone that doesn't know, that means I'm only attracted to fictional characters, and only when I'm not involved)
#ask#luesmainblog#simplified to aroace or aroaspec when it doesn't seem like a good time to get into All That#there were Signs growing up but i still spent like. 20yrs of my life thinking i was straight#(despite the fact that i was definitely attracted to both male and female characters)#other people got the “oh i must be bisexual” asexuality experience i got the “eh everyone's ugly and mean” experience#strangely im fine with 2nd person pov stories but NOT with anything else that tries to close the distance between me and it#it was different when i was younger though#i was REALLY into shipping myself with my favorite characters when i was still in high school#for others that's how they'll be forever because that's how their sexuality works#for me it faded once i got friends that didnt make me feel deeply unwanted#i dont like being perceived as Attractive or Sexually/Romantically Desirable personally#so anything that tries to tell me i am or treat me like i'm part of the situation tends to give me a really bad feeling of repulsion#funnily enough i am very much attracted to my own body type and features in fiction#and making characters that way does give me a boost of confidence in how i look
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I always thought when I found a good relationship of my own I'd stop being such a little hater vis a vis other people's romantic escapades, because surely I was just jealous, right ?? what I really wanted was to be that happy and in love, right ??? no one is that hateful and meanies over something that literally doesn't involve them, right !!!!
unfortunately, good reader,
#deerchatter#im not romance-repulsed unless someone is doing it stupid. unfortunately everyone in the world loves to do it so so stupid#i hate amatonormativity i hate the way it creeps into everything#i hate the uhaul lesbian jokes i hate the rushing into hyper-vulnerable relationships with the first person who volunteers to#hold your heavy heart for you. i know queer loneliness is real but guys for the love of god look after yourselves and remember your friends#the amount of friends i've seen end up in shitty awful situations because they thought they found the love of their life and would never#need anyone or anything else again after two dates is staggering. i'm sorry but it's not magically going to be healthy behavior just becaus#it's gay. take it slow. get to know that person first. hold on to the rest of your social net. christ it can go so wrong otherwise
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I'm working on angst for him <3
He is absolutely not going to love it <3
#i'm going to crush his little soul with my bare fins#i noticed there werent any whump mick fics on a03#so i gotta do it myself#its been long since i last wrote anything#i strugled so much to get an idea but i did it#i think i made him a bit out of character but meh#its for the sake of angst#i am doing it for all the sex-repulsed people that want Mickbell fics (me)#dungeon meshi#mickbell#fish anounces
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"you are not immune to propaganda/cult indoctrination" is largely useful and the sort of shit it's used to point out as not making you immune (being "smart" or a certain degree of educated, etc) is worth pointing out and it never feels like the appropriate place to mention it, but a lot of people seem to be conflating "the things people think make them immune to this kind of thing doesn't because it doesn't work that way" along with "the same conditions that make people more vulnerable to indoctrination/conspiritorial thinking/etc can happen to anyone" with "everyone in the world is equally vulnerable to every kind of indoctrination under the same conditions" and i just don't think that's objectively true.
It may be true that someone started out holding one belief and flipped to hold the apparently opposite belief, but does that actually mean everyone who holds that belief is equally liable to change their mind? Why did they hold that belief in the first place? Is it consistent with their values and what they care about more broadly, and do they specically go out of their way to combat the potential for misinformation and propaganda? Are they prone to making their decisions based on what the people around or closest to them think instead of thinking for themselves? To what extent do they base their values and decsions on kneejerk emotional reactions? (these aren't the only factors obviously, just examples of other potential contributing factors) It is not a given that everyone will answer these questions in the same way, and this is part of why different people respond differently in similar situations. Also not everyone will respond positively to techniques that often work to draw people in (eg lovebombing is a common tactic that works on a lot of people, but may be actively offputting or ring alarm bells for others; different people have different tolerances for attempts at social control and some might nope out the moment they see it attempted regardless of any other factors).
"You Yes Even You" can be an important tactic to get people who wouldn't otherwise to legitimately consider why these tactics work on people and what might work on them and keep in mind that the people it Does happen to usually aren't aware of it and it's not always their fault the way it's often presented, but that is not objectively the same thing as "anyone can fall down any pipeline not matter what forever"
like maybe no one is literally "immune to propaganda" but if a type of propoganda is something that necessarily hinges on X mechanism and a person is notorious for both intellectually and instinctively being violently opposed to X. then yeah I think the propoganda that hinges on X is probably going to be a Very Difficult to Impossible sell, even potentially under coercion, especially if that person has already demonstrated that they are willing to put themeslves at risk/resist that kind of coercion about it. unless your argument is that there is scp level literal mind control happening.
#a lot of people talk about how they were initially conservative because they grew up surrounded by and being taught that#and it's true that there are circumstances like that that can make it less likely for people to initially form different opinions/etc#i'm not saying that it inherently happens because people are fundamentally less intelligent or whatever#but it's also true that there are people who decide to question that sort of thing from an early age and without outside intervention#maybe they noticed holes in the logic and 'care more about being right than being happy'#maybe they decided truth/accurate information was important enough they were going to fact check Everything to be sure#maybe they didn't appreciate being expected to trust/agree blindly with whatever they were told#and that would be the case regardless of who said it or what they were saying#this doesn't mean they're 'smarter' but i do think there are factors/personal values/personal reactions even#that can make you less succeptible to certain things. for example if you're fundamentally opposed to the sort of#social control cults use (not just because you intellectually recognise that it's important/moral standards. i don't want to#really get into 'force of will/resolution' arguments here because that's not really what i'm trying to point out#and people might take that as being like. inherently 'better' or something) but because#say you're violently repulsed by the concept like on an instinctive visceral level and have a track record of noping out#the second you see anything resembling them (maybe even to your detriment in certain situations/false alarms/etc.#again i'm not trying to make the argument of people having like. a uniquely accurate and foolproof Cult Radar superpower)#then yeah i don't know if 'immune' is the word i'd use but i'd think you're probably way less likely to stick around if it's#a deal breaker no matter what for you. or if you have that response to a common tactic to be drawn in by that specific tactic#than someone without that viceral response would be even under extremely comparable circumstances.#like people can and do cut off people they're very close to or put themselves in danger for similar reasons (or for less tbh)#because different people are different and respond differently to things and have natural strengths and weaknesses and#personality traits and like. variation in general. that may make various tactics more or less likely to work on them.#it's not a matter of being 'smarter' or generally 'better' and there are a variety of differenft factors involved#(so someone could be resistant to a certain tactic but uniquely sicceptible to another) but like.#it's a thing that can probably happen i think. no experience is universal#mypost#this is just a pet peeve rip. can you tell this has been building for a while.
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#realized i've been dissociating on and off since tuesday and i'm not really sure what to do about it#it's not just tuesday either it's the aftermath#not being able to trust anyone + having my sex-repulsion triggered constantly + feeling uncomfortable in my body 24/7#realizing this is how the world is and probably has been for a while it's just at the surface now#haven't been able to sleep through the night at all + having subconscious anxiety attacks that wake me up#the past several days feel like fragments of dreams that i only partially experienced#i can't find it in me to react to anything#every emotion just makes me cry#not even joking that the most realistic things sticking in my memory lately are my daydreams about Ignis#because Ignis is the only thing that didn't (and can't ever) change#like a rock in the middle of the ocean that i'm holding onto so i don't drown
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CW: allusions to SA
Sua probably really likes it when Mizi marks her 1) because she's freaky like that and 2) Nigeh is probably super strict about that kinda thing so as she dissociates, knowing that she's Mizi's and that it's obvious that it was her who marked her gives her a lot of comfort 🫠
#snowthink#idk if I'm the writer to do it tbh#but I'd really like to see more alnst smut that like focuses on the multitude of relationships you can have with sex after SA#I think Sua would still like it but only with Mizi cause she's somewhat vulnerable with her and doesn't mind being percieved that way by her#though I don’t think she'd be hypersexual (as in the actual definition that is a trauma response)#honestly none of the characters would be hypersexual now that I think about it?? if anything I think in canon Ivan is probably sex repulsed?#not so sure about Till because I don’t wanna stereotype him 😭
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People learn the difference between canon and headcanon challenge
#murky mumbles#tannin bitching hours#qcellbit isn't canonically ace. there is nothing wrong with the headcanon. it's a great headcanon. it's not canon.#Imagine I called him a canon sa victim. Purely for the reason that a lot of survivors don't want to have sex#you'd go 'that's misinfo. Don't call your headcanon canon. plenty of people don't like sex and arent sa survivors'#just because you relate to a character doesn't mean their reasoning is the same as yours#so why the fuck are we doing this with asexuality simply because qCellbit doesn't want to have sex#It's a great headcanon! I have it myself! I'm a sex repulsed asexual! It's also a headcanon and I'm not claiming it as canon!#He's not ace rep. He's not rep of sa survivors. He's not rep of anything other then someone who doesn't want to have sex#he can be RELATABLE to certain ace people or certain sa survivors or anyone who doesn't want to have sex for whatever reason#but that does not make him a representation of whatever reasoning you personally headcanon for him#Fuck for all we know he loves to have sex but has erectile dysfunction and is insecure about it#Stop claiming your personal headcanon for why he doesn't want to have sex or whatever labels he uses to describe it is canon#begging y'all
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I am fueled by autism and demisexuality. I think that explains like my entire portfolio. Or at least half of it
#half of it like. other half i'm fueled by grief but we don't gotta talk abojt that#MY MAIN POINT. is that i think it Shows. how deeply autistic i am (about EVERYTHING EVERY DETAIL)#and how EXTREMELY. EXTREMELY demisexual/hell even demiromantic i am. i think it reflects a lot in my work#fuck honestly though i say i'm two for two but like. i am so romance repulsed. i HAVE to MAKE IT WEIRD#for it to even be Bearable.#moe's constant struggle is 'i hate romance i hate big stupid feelings but i love You.'#IT'S AGONIZING. AND REALLY HARD TO UNDERSTAND. AND STUPID ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#in my work it's SO important to me. to capture the dynamics though. precisely bc of this reason i think#last thing i ever want is it to ring hollow. or for it to feel anything close to a 'conventional' romance.
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I think that's normal for many aroace people that most people in their live have a partner that they prioritize. It's important to find people even if it's hard to make new friends who think similar. Because it really sucks if you always prioritize people but they wouldn't do the same for you.
you're right, of course, but it's still pretty hurtful, you know? obviously for an allo person, their partner comes first. i've had a discussion with my friend about that a week ago bc i told her that, while i'm not averse to romance and sex (i have had relationships before), finding that is not a priority and when it's a relationship or my friends, they come first. they always will. but for them, that's not the case.
i'm having trouble making new friends in general, so finding likeminded people has been hard and still is. i'm 23 and in my country's second biggest city, one would think that'd make it easier, but no.i've got one ace friend, but she's married.
so where does that leave me, in 10-15 years when the rest is probably married, too? it's the big thing that made accepting being aroace so hard for me and why it happened at age 23 and not 13.
#so it's clear; i'm aroace but not repulsed by anything#simply indifferent#that might make things easier to some#but it's not#answered#anonymous#aroace#asexuality#aroace tag
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hey google. how do i say that im uncomfortable with being described as looking attractive/don't see it as a compliment without sounding like i hate myself
#spire rambles#like. i mean obviously there's the 'i'm a child' part of it#but even coming from people my own age it's. im aroace and repulsed on both ends#but i know a lot of other aroace people are like. dont mind that. so maybe it's just a me problem idk#like my self esteem is pretty high i think!! but i don't want people to think i'm attractive. even if theyre not /attracted/ to me#& i fuckifn love being complimented. like .. call me cool or funny or nice or something like that#but. if you call me cute or hot or anything like that's not a /compliment/ to me i will simply Get Uncomfortable Adn Leave#if you Must compliment my appearance like. compliment something specific about it. 'i like your hair' 'your outfit looks so good on you' et#yk?
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Anybody else with like sensitivity issues have like... the opposite of overstim happen?? Like everything has gotten so much at some point that you ended up switching it off entirely and no experience Little to No Stim?
#brought to you by my incredibly limited tactile senses#i remember as a little kid being obsessed with textures#like I would just Touch things because I had to know what they felt like#or being repulsed by certain textures#and now i can barely feel anything at all#rough textures feel smooth mostly and soft or smooth textures don't register at all#i can't really feel pain that well either OR pleasure tbh#like light bothers me but also I'm so used to it I couldn't even tell you what the symptoms are#the only sense I have that still works over time is my sense of smell#did this happen to anyone else???
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