#i strugled so much to get an idea but i did it

[littlelightfish]

I'm working on angst for him <3

He is absolutely not going to love it <3

[undecidedravenclaw]

To The Face || D.M x reader

Storyline: You and Draco have a bit of a snowball fight

"Hey!"

Draco whips around as you cover your mouth giggling.

You couldn't help it. The snow was falling and you had this brilliant idea in your head as you felt like you needed to get payback for how much Draco had been purposefully embarrassing you lately.

"Oops." You smirk and your eyes had a twinkle in them as you look at him.

"Oh you just made the biggest mistake." He promises as he reaches down and mutters a spell to turn the snow into a perfect snowball in his hand.

You gasp as you watch it transform, "That's cheating!" And then you got hit in the face with the snow.

He laughs as he had hit you and with your furrowed eyebrows you felt the need to hit him as much as you could. "It's on, babe! Is your father gonna hear about this!?" You quickly make a few balls and pelt him in the face one after the other as he strugles to find cover.

And because he was a cheater he only muttered the spells to turn them and would hit you in the side repeatedly.

You laughed, hiding behind a tree as you collect as much snow as possible trying to get a bigger one, but you hear footsteps and a huge amount of snow got dumped onto your head.

You gasp as some snow had gotten into your shirt and ran down your back and chest before you got tackled into the snow, him ruining your almost finished snowball.

"That was rude!" You tried to push him off but he pins your wrists above your head and stares down at you. His cheeks were pink from the cold and you could see dust from snow on his skin and some on his lashes, making his eyes even more beautiful. He stares for a few more moments before smiling softly, tilting his head to the side as he plays with your hair. "You look so pretty with snow in your hair and lashes." He leans down and kisses your cheek. You thought he was so sweet for that. Until he grabbed a handful of snow not even bothering to make a ball and threw it on your face. Your lips tasting the snow as you licked your lips kicking him off of you as you climbed on top of him, making him laugh. "You little-!" "Aw c'mon, you know you love me!" He grins cockily up at you and you nearly wanted to strangle him but you reach down and press your lips to his, slowly grabbing some snow in your gloved hands. "I love you so much," You say in between kisses and he looks like he's too busy being in another world from just your words that he didn't realize your other hand was busy.

You laugh as you pull his pants back and shove snow down his underwear before quickly getting up and running away, going up the hill as you hear your boyfriend shout curses at you as he tried to get the snow out of his underwear.

You double over in laughter, holding your stomach as you try not to fall to the ground from how strong your laughter was as you hear his panicked breathing, "Y/N Y/LN!" "Uh oh." Your eyes widen as you turn and try to run but he was much faster, picking up speed on the hill as he yanks you back into the snow and he falls with you, both of you rolling down the hill. You gasp as felt how cold the snow was and Draco had landed on top of you. You groan at his weight and he huffs, rolling his eyes. "Look what you did." He blames and pushes himself off. But the grin you gave him meant you had no regrets and was possibly the best few minutes of your life and you picked yourself up from the ground, dusting off the snow on your clothes. "Wanna get a hot drink?" You ask, offering and he rolls his eyes as he turns to the direction of Hogsmeade. "Obviously." "You know a 'hey that sounds like a great idea' would've been nice." You huff, following the blonde. "Yeah and not having snow thrown at my face would've been too." He was ahead of you, but his loud voice carried to your ears. "Wait up for me!" You yell, trying to pick up your speed but he only went faster, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "No, maybe don't be so slow." "Don't make me put snow in your pants again."

[the-last-f2p]

hiii may I request yandere the drinking buddies (oda ango, dazai together but all platonic)

with a (gender neutral) reader who has very long hair ( like to their feet).

and they are just so surprised bc reader always were it in a bun

#the strugles of long hair featuring Y/N lol. Tw: Yandere behaivour , stalking, Dazai being Dazai aka suicide mentions

You always saw your hair as a nuisance. It's not like it was ugly actually the oposite but the length was always a problem you never had the heart to cut so you just kept it in a bun no more accidently stepping on your hair.

Then you met them. Well more specifically him. Odasaku Sakunosuke at cafe you immeditaly started to get along you don't know what it was but by the time you had left you practically knew the man well enough that most people would asume you've been friends for years. But unlike the other people you've met Oda had no idea about your hair. After that you met two other people. You were invited to go to a bar with Oda it wasn't really your thing but he somehow convinced you to come. You were expecting to be the only people in the bar tonight but you suprisngly you were joined by two men called Ango Sakaguchi and Osamu Dazai. Dazai obviously adored you not only did Oda like you which made you great in his eyes but you also were just so nice I mean of course you were but still. Ango was less captivated by you than the over two he just had no opinion. Yet.

It had been a couple of days since you started hanging out with the trio yet they were always just around the corner wether it be Dazai coincidently going to the same park you go to after work and start talking about his latest suicide attempt which obviously failed but still it was a good time for him. Oda always gifting you things and telling Dazai to tone it down though it never worked. And finally Ango to you he was doing nothing to you having some ties to the government really helped watching you everywhere through cameras not's not his fault you're just too cute alright?

But still after all that attentive watching stalking they still didn't discover this.

You started to have a bad headache you couldn't tell if it wasn't from the alcohol or how tight your bun was but you decided to take your bun out effectively making your hair go down to your feet. Also making Oda, Ango and Dazai's mouth gape open from the suprise. Your hair isn't that long right? Wrong. "Woah your is so long Bella Donna do you think you could strangle me with it?" Dazai's eyes practically have stars in them as he asks the question. "Dazai don't ask that I mean even though Y/N's hair would be long enough to strangle you and it's amazingly cute asking that is just weird." Ango takes a sip from his drink while he says that he obviously sounds suprised even though he indirectly complimented you he just went on. "Why not? They haven't even said anything so it's obviously their way of excepting my offer!" Dazai interupted Ango he obviously took your silence as a yes and started to grab your hair that hurt. ALOT. "OW! No just no get off my hair Dazai!" You push Dazai away from your hair as you say that. "Aww why so cruel?" Dazai pouts. "Your hair is nice Y/N. To be fair I wasn't expecting it but it's pretty." Oda smiles at you.

You giggle a little "Thanks Oda." You spent the rest of the night talking with the three even though their attention was more focused on your hair than anything you didn't think about it too much and that was probably good. Nothing has changed Dazai is still conviently on the same street as you and Ango is still watching you though expect Oda to give you a couple more hair care products than usual..

[mattycashyx]

Jealousy - Ben Chilwell

words: 1185

(got this gif from pinterest so credits to that person!)

You and Ben have been together quite some while. You even met his teammates, which you were very nervous about. But it when very well you even made some new friends one of them is Mason Mount. He was the first one to came up to you and talk to you. You had a click instantly and now he’s one of your best friends.

Ben first really liked that you got on well with Mason, but lately he started to get more annoyed about it. You were always hanging out with Mason. It was always Mason this Mason that. Ben felt jealous but also neglected, you were his girlfriend and not masons. You were not aware of his feelings, Ben was quite good at hiding it and he didn’t want to bother you. But it was really showing off on the field he was way more agressive than normal.

You were just happy that you had a new friendship, you were not the best at making friends so when you had one you gave them your full attention. So that’s what you were doing you were giving al your attention to Mason and forgot Ben a bit. You were just so caught up that you didn’t even noticed.

❀❀❀❀

You were making myself ready to go to Mason, You just finished your make-up when Ben came walking in. He wrapped his arms around you and gave you a kiss on your cheek. "why are you making yourself ready?" he said with a confused face "I'm going to Mason" you said not looking at. "oh, you never told me" he said with a now disappointed look on his face. "I'm sorry but I have to go" You said. And not long after you left. Ben felt empty and alone. His one girlfriend rather did something with Mason than with him. He didn't want to sit at home and be pathetic so he went to the club whit his friends. He wanted to drink the pain away and to forget everything.

Later that day Mason brought you home. When you came home you where calling Ben's name but you got no answer, he wasn't home. He didn't leave a message for you so you had no idea where he was. You had cald him a few times but he didn't pick up. So you called Mason to ask if he knew where ben was. Mason said he didn't know and that he would try to call Ben to see if you would pick up. But it didn't work.

Meanwhile Ben was having fun with his friends at the club. He was pretty wasted but he didn't care, despite his career was beeing on the line. It was the only way for Ben to stop his thoughts and to forget everything. While Ben was drinking way to much, you were worried sick. You tried to get some sleep because it didn't seem like Ben was coming home. But you didn't get a wink of sleep. Sleeping without Ben was a lot harder, when he is away for a match you always strugle to sleep alone.

But that's when you heard the front door open. You looked at the clock it was 2:30 am, he stumbled through the door. "Ben!" you sreamed while running up to him. You hugged him but he didn't hug you back. "where were you?" you asked but the look in his eyes and his smel of alcohol answerd your question. "you where at the club?" you asked with confusion in your voice. "yes, and stop with al those questions it's making my head hurt" he said to you. He walked past you to your shared bedroom.

You followed him and you saw him laying in your bed. It looked like he was going to sleep but you wanted to talk to him. "Ben please?" you said desperate "go to Mason or something, maybe he wants to talk" Ben said "what do you mean?" you said "go fuck him like you've been doing the past months!" Ben said whit a angry look on his face "Mason and I are just friends! what are you talking about?" you said frustrated.

Suddenly you see Ben trying to get up "i don't feel good" he said while trying to walk to the bathroom. You tried to help him but he wouldn't let you, he was still mad at you. "let me please help" you said. He finaly let you help him to the toilet and he begins to throw up. One of your hands is going through his hair and the other one is laying on his back to confront him.

He rinsed his mouth and looked at you with a sad face "I'm sorry for being mad at you, I was just jealous of you two" he said "no I'm the one who needs to say sorry, I did the past months only things with Mason and I forgot you a bit. But you need to know that I love you okay and you don't have to be jealous" you said "I love you too" he said looking still a bit drunk at you. "I wanna kiss you right now" he said "I'm not going to kiss you, you just threw up" you said. He looked at you with a sad face "please?" he said in his cuttest voice "only on the cheek" you said and you gave him a kiss on the cheek.

You two went to bed, and he gave you a kiss on your head. "please don't ever do this to me again, cauze I love you to much to lose you" he said "I won't benji" you said with cloosed eyes. You fell asleep in his arms he had missed this so much.

❀❀❀❀

You wake up and see Ben still sleeping he looks so peaceful. You give him a kiss on his forehead and get out of bed. You went to the kitchen and made Ben some pancakes. When you finished you take everything to your badroom and you see Ben slowly waking up. "good moring babe" you said to him "good morning" he said in his raspy morning voice. His hand holds his head because he has a headache. You gave him some medicine and some water so he would feel a bit better.

"thank you so much for taking care of me" he said "I'm your girlfriend I need to and I don't mind" you said to him "do you like the pancakes?" you ask him "yes I really like them, worth repeating" he said smiling at you, he looked so cute that your heart was melting. You kissed him on the lips.

"some one thook pictures of you while you where in the club and your coach has seen them, so that's gonna be a hard tryning for you" you said trying not to laugh and you hear him groan.

❀❀❀❀

I don't know about this one, but it's really hard to write something. At the beginning I have always good ideas but at the end the story ends always different from what I wanted. Anways I hope you liked it.<3

[fcmn]

So, I decided to talk about Downpour DLC of Rain World, because, why not?

I'll talk only about More Slugcat Expansion part of DLC, because Co-op and expeditions that were added is just great, I don't have anything to say about them.

Also I want to make clear that everything said here is purely my opinion and I don't force anyone to agree on it, and also spread hate on anyone who disagree on this opinion.

SPOILERS!!!

So, Downpour. An Expansion, that added 5 new characters to play and 5 new campaings to expirience, and yet, there's something I don't like about it. So let's talk about everything one by one.

1. Slugcats

Gourmand, Artificer, Rivulet, Spearmaster and Saint. Five new scugs, five new ways to play the game. I really like how fun they are, really, they all powerful and unique, you have to adapt for every single one of them. But this coin has two sides. Fun and power we got, cost us the idea of vanilla Rain World, the fact, that we are almost at the bottom of a food chain, we can overpower every threat, but with pure strugle and effort, not just because we have the ability to make everything go kaboom. I can't say I dislike the gameplay of new scugs, but I can't say I purely like it. The same creatures and threat that we encountered as vanilla trio, doesn't feel the same way for new squad, they can arguebly easy kill anything. I do believe, that there is a golden line between fun and philosophy of Rain World, it is probably possible to balance every scug in a way, that they will feel more natural for the eco-system, but still being fun to play. I'm not a developer, nor a game-designer, it's just my opinion as a player.

2. Story

This is something that I started to think about not so long ago. Each of the new campaings, except Saint, has a pretty similar pattern: Go to FP, listen to some dialogue, go into new region and get your score screen. Why is it always Five Pebbles? You have to visit him in order to progress the story. Which isn't true for Hunter, Monk or Survivor. I mean, as a new player, you'll visit him to get a basic understanding of what are you even suposed to do, but when you know where do you need to go, you can get to the ending without visiting Pebbles or Moon. You could say, that it makes sence for them to go to Pebbles, because they have to receive something from him. Fixing ID drone for Arti, giving Riv the ball, opening gate to outer expanse for Gourm and taking thr pearl put of Spearmaster. For SM, I'll say right now, that it is logical for him to visit Pebbles in prder to progress, he is a messenger. Probably it is the same for Riv, but I still have a filing that it could be done differently. Though I think it should be different for Arti and Gourm. As a Gourmand, it doesn't make sence for Pebbles to give him a mark of communication at all, he could just sent him out of his can and show him the direction to the Outer Expanse via the Overseers, much like Iggy does guide Monk and Survivor to Looks to the Moon and then to Five Pebbles. For Artificer, since she's next after Spearmaster, of which visit FP wasnt happy at all and he could just lock the karma gates to FP region like he did with Outer Expanse, so no one could enter his structure and distract him. Sofanthiel (ID drone), could be more useful in this scenario, he could act as an Overseer of sorts, pointing out threat, flashing images of Chief Scav and Elite Scavs as warnings and he could lead to the alternative way into Metropolis and also, I would give player a bit different route to the Chieftain Scav arena, the route that would make a visit to Atop the Tallest Tower mandatory for going forward, and the Echo there would give player a choice, proceed with the path of violence or choose a path of Ascension, which, in my opinion, does fit the "What fate a slugcat?" phrase.

Saint is just worth a whole another post to just talk about him, because he gives off mixed signals for me. But I can say, that, I love his campaing.

Overall, I do think that downpour story is good at some points, for me at least, but I also think, that it could've been done a lot better.

3. Five Pebbles.

I do like the new character of Five Pebbles, it does waves away almost everything pre-Downpour FP showed us, byt it's still a great character with good tragedy story. Five Pebbles and other Iterators being more human-like is a good thing for me. Five Pebbles being more similar to humans with his personality is something I like, because you can grow a bond with him through out the story. From SM's campaing where he is an angry teen who just pushes everyone away, all the way to the Riv's campaing, where he is more mature, regretting everything he's done in the past, not seeking forgivness upon himself. Seeing him first time in Saint's campaing and listen to him barely able to speak is... Heavy. It is a really emotional moment and I couldn't hold the tears, looking at the way he speaks and trying to listen his favorite pearl, even though it's already showing sings of decay, slowly fading out.

4. Sliver of Straw.

It's more about Challenge 70 being uncanon. I do dislike this statement and I think, it wastes a lot of interesting things to discuss because of it. All the theories about Sliver and Saint, also about Iterator's abbilities just fell into nothing. I personally love the theory about Saint being THE triple affirmative, created by Sliver herself to ascend her and probably others, but, it just happend too early, before Sliver was able to share the news about solving their great problem, and that's why she fought back, as Saint tried to ascend her. I just love this theory and I hate the fact, that it all just nothing more than a silly headcannon, because of how Challenge 70 is considered non-canon >:(

That's all I have to say about Downpour. Sorry if there was too much hate of just straight up nonsence, these are just my unfiltered thoughts on the DLC. Also I am, by no means encouraging you to spread any form of hate towards Downpour developer team or Videocult themselfs, they all did a massive job to bringing this Expansion to life and I am happy we do have it at all.

[lilac-melody]

Hiii can I ask you something?

haha it's fine not to answer (don't wanna impose)

But I've been following you for a while and first, I wanna say you're amazing, you really helped me going through my last semester bc I got really obsesed with lipxlip, and most of the fics were written by you and I kinda read between 2 to 4 per day to lift my spirts which really helped me to just go and go (I just saw you everywhere and I loved it to the point of just going to your profile and started reading since the oldest fics to try to not lose any)

And I sometimes read in your profile that you're also strugling (sorry if I get some English words wrong, but I wanna be the most sincere with my words by not going to the translator now) and mann I got to really hate some of the clients at your place, people suck, but you're doing your best and that's something that should be acknologed (be noticed, be understanded, be recognized as a person and not as a simple servant to serve their needs, a person with interests and fears and you know... just going through the day just like they are, like god... it's free to be empathetic to others)

I saw one of your posts where you talk about someone requesting fics or something (sorry not remeber the exact situation) but I wanna say that it's beautyful your own ideas and alternative universes and wathever was written (or could have, I still think that even those words that didn't get to be written are beautiful bc you thought of them and I hope they made you happy and made have you have fun just as it makes me happy and excited to read whatever you share with us -> your readers)

I don't want you to feel obligated to write just bc someone requested that of you, it's an activity that makes you have fun (and I think it makes you feel a lot of other things but I'm not a writer, and I respect you for that, bc feeling what the characters feel and understanding is not an easy task to acomplish, especially bc I think you portray them really well)

And bc I don't want a misunderstanding, you're amazing for who you are (whoever you are) not just bc you made the days of a stranger in the internet by writing fabulous stories, but bc you're a great person and don't ever let anyone tell you the oposite.

And haha man (I use man as a in a neutral gender), I don't think I have enough words to express myself (in English or in my native tongue) but I hope some of it gets to you, even if it's only a little.

Andd... haha sorry if I exctended too much, bc I feel like my question is too short for all this words and I sure will feel aukward later (not good with feelings and expresing myself) but can I ask how did you get started/found with lipxlip? And also yuumori?

Again, sorry if this is a weird ask, not really sure how it works but I think they're usually shorter 😅? I guess I just needed an excuse to say you all this. Again I don't wanna impose, you don't have to answer, I just hope you're fine and healthy and continue to be

Saludos. 😄

Pss: Last stage was incredible, and your last fanfic of them was also great (you've made me take notice of the little things that I didn't pay attention to, like that they really had bruises at that first concert of the MV and gave me an answer at why they were crying at their special place and that I didn't even notice at first that was their special place at first, and made me realize by your fanfics how important and big of a deal it's to share your safe place, which later develops in the safe place of yours and also that person you shared it with)

OKAY . WOW . SO

Anon I just want to preface this by saying not a whole lot makes me teary- gut wrenching fics, shows, movies, etc...many of them don't do anything for me aside from get a laugh out of me, but this comment I had to reread twice to make sure I was reading it correctly. I was just gonna fuck around on the writing part of Tumblr for the lols and I was super caught off guard. So congrats to that, you definitely made me tear up from this. It's definitely one of the sweetest things someone's ever said to me. 🥹💜

Also, thank you so much for reading my fics! Some are just silly little ideas I jotted down for the lols, and other ideas rotted my brain. I'm definitely more proud of some rather than others, but I'm glad you enjoyed them all(?) nonetheless!

For me, writing is both a form of escapism and a fun hobby that I've had since I was a little kid~ you know, in elementary we had like 20 vocab words per week and we had to either write them down + their definitions and use them in a sentence, write them all down 5 times, or write a short story including 10 of those words. You can probably see which one I went with~ but anyway, yeah, writing is really fun for me.

If it ever gets too stressful or I end up hating it, I end up abandoning the work, yet usually I can't find it in me to delete it. Sometimes I end up hating the work (multichaps, usually) only after its done but then it grows in popularity so I just kinda go "well, fuck it and fuck me, I guess?" and keep it. Other times, I go "well, this ending could have been better..." and then think of other ways I could have written it...

As for how I got into lipxlip??? I saw the thumbnail for Yume Fanfare, clicked, and it altered the course of my life. I started learning Japanese solely because of lxl, my dude. After that, though, I watched their other videos and kinda floated around a bit, and then the movie got announced and bam. I was sucked into the world of Honeyworks and they still keep an iron clad grip on me to this day...

Yuumori is an uninspiring story, really...sometimes I get trailers for anime on yt and I just so happen to get a yuumori trailer. I waited until it began airing, watched it, waited for part 2, watched it, then left it...and recently, I was vibin with a friend online and we were exchanging anime ops, and I remembered yuumori's first op and I was like. Damn this shit slaps!!! And I rewatched the show...and then they had an iron clad grip on me. So...saw trailer, watched it as it aired, forgot about it, then came back to it solely because of the opening lmaooooo.

Anyway, I hope this answered everything..??? Again, though, thank you so much for your kind words~ it meant a lot !

[kornstreifs-storys]

Chapter 1, Part 2

*Trigger warning: description of blood and death, under the cut.*

The Sun had just risen. It had been a few days, since they had stopped in the old Village. Dune stood on a small rock and scanned the area around her, her sences sharpend to the maximum. Suddenly there was movement in the bush behind her and a big Umbreon charged out of it, it's body glowing with dark Infinity Energy.

Kuro used Foul Play and crashed right into Dune at full Force. Dust and leafs were blown into the air. When the Smoke had settled Dune stood there still on top of the rock, a clear lense of Energie shimmering befor her. *Dune Protected herself*. She smiled, then while Kuro was still recovering, she blew a small kiss into his direction.

*Dune used Attract*. Kuro blushed and froze for a second and before he knew it Dune had charged up a Return and crashed into his side at full force, knocking him down. He blinked a little surprised and looked up at Dune. "Since when do you know Attract?" he asked, while he got back up. "Since last night, it kind came to me in a dream." Dune repiled with a slight blush, "I did however, not expect it to be this effective." She gave Kuro an awkward smile.

He brushed himself off and then said with undeniable pride in his voice, "Well that was an exellent tactic, you caught me completly off guard." he gave her a warm smile "You're really improving your fighting skills."

Dune laid down in the grass and sighed. "Well that might be true, but I'm still having a hard time keeping my Infinity Barrier up. If I can't keep it up an enemy attack might hit me for real instead of hitting my Hp." She could feel Kuros gaze on her, he looked worried, but seemed to try to not let her notice. Unfortunatly for him he was really bad at hiding his feelings.

Then he finally spoke up. "Well, that is a problem. And I don't really know how to help you, since to me keeping my Barrier up is as easy as breathing." He looked into the distance for a while. "We might just have to focus our traning on doging attacks. It'll also be a good idea if you keep using Protect. Today you did a marvelous job, so i think you should be mostly fine in a real battle."

She thought about it, it was an effective stradegy, that was after all, the main reason she had learnt Protect in the first place. Still it frustrated her that she seemed to strugle so much with things that came completely natural to all other Pokémon.

Kuro was still talking behind her. "And if things really go bad, than I'm still here to protect you." She heard him say. She was so sick off needing the protection of others. If only she could evolve, she was sure that it would solve all of her problems right now.

Suddenly she noticed a slight movement in the trees next to her. Then, faster than she could react, a huge Nidoking burst out of the undergrowth and rammed into her with a Megahorn. Dune was thrown back and crashed into a tree. "Ouch!" She finched. A sharp pain had shoot up her side. When she looked down at it she saw that she was bleeding. "Again?" she thought, Pokémon weren't supposed to bleed until they had fainted, which meant she had failed to get her Barrier up in time. She was getting dizzy. When she tried to face the Nidoking again, she could just about dodge the next attack, before collapsing into the leafes. Than everything went black.

Dune stood inside of a long tunnle, she could hear a loud commotion from outside the cave. Shouting and the discharging of attacks could be clearly picked out. When she went towards the exit, however the bloodied body of a Sylveon hit the wall next to her. The Sylveon looked up a her and with it's last breath said, "Run. It's way to powerfull. We can't defeat it, run for your life!" then it collapsed to the ground dead.

Dune was in shock. After all Pokémon only died when you attacked them after you had already managed to knock down their Hp. She just froze up on the spot and saw with horror, that a huge Tyranitar with blood soaked fangs came in trough the cave entrance.

The huge Pokémon came directly towards her, but she could not move, panic having gripped her entire body, rendering her unable to move. She just watched in terror as the Tyranitar picked up the dead Sylveon and just swalloed it whole, before shifting it's attention towards her. It loomed above her and without hessitation chared up a hyperbeam to kill her as well.

While she still looked up at the Tyranitar, frozen in place, cowering infront of her soon to be killer, the last thing she saw was a brown and green bolt, trowing itself between her and the oncoming attack. Then everything went black once again.

================================================

previous / next Start

[catcher11]

Morpheus having a S/O with anxiety

I...trully did not expect to be back into the world of writing fanfiction like this. I actually have a Dream piece just wating to be posted but I'm making editing way more harder than it should be. Also yeah, anxiety took the best of me today and my acting powers are not strong enough to turn it into something usefull yet. So, without further ado, let's fucking vent.

Also, every single person regardless of gender is included into this.

● For many years you just thought you were very good at exagerating things.

● And quite frankly, apocalyptic movies were nothing compared to what your lovely, catastrophic mind could do.

● But ever since you took the bull by the horns and started going to theraphy things made more sense. Yes, the beast was there. Yes, sometimes you didn't felt strong enough to face other demons. Yes, starting to take care of and loving yourself felt strange and the guilt of repeting all patterns was a pain. But it also made you apretiate your past vertions and the brave, amazing person you always were.

● The beast however, loved to stir things up when you were happier or more stable than usuall.

● And you hated how it went straight for all the things you care about.

● One moment you were acing your job, feeling like the most badass, smart and skillful person, celebrating with your loved ones and the next something small caught your atention. Some little pattern that came back, or a work colleague's feedback (mean or constructive, you didn't remembered), or a thought that didn't really belonged to you remained there.

● It stood there. Just watching. Eating. And growing.

● More things were added into that inicially small pile: represed feelings, old habbits, more catastrophic ideas, fear of loneliness, insecurities, you name it. It just spiraled from then on. Became a snow ball going down hill.

● You didn't give back the love people gave you. You weren't smart. You didn't have enough courage to separate truth from mind tricks. Your friends are just waiting to leave you. You weren't qualified for your job no matter how much you love it. How were you so unable to get rid of your enviousness? You weren't pretty nor interesting. Morpheus was just waiting to depart from you and find someone better suited for him.

● And the worst part is that you knew it was all bullshit.

● The smallest part of your mind that catched all the practice you gain in therapy knew it as well. But on moments like this, it felt like that piece was numb, quiet and unexisting.

● And Morpheus noticed. Of course he did.

● Your dreams lured him to meet you, to build this lovely bond you now have; but your nightmares showed him your true self once you were together. They were the first sign of anxiety pre therapy and one of the main reasons you decided you wouldn't let your mind get the best of you. But on moments like this they came back harsher than ever, more ruthless. And for a few days, it was enough for you how Dream would melt your night fears away, hold you while listening to you and giving you the advice you asked to your friends and family as well. It was enough to cry by his side and let it all out until there was nothing else to face.

● And then it would all come back again.

● Growing desperate from seeing you suffer so much, the Endless divided his time on taking care of his realm and learning how to help you. You both knew it was more something you had to figure it out on your own, but asking and receiving help was someting you didn't strugle with (or at least not as much as before) anymore. And besides, the spiral you were facing this time was...well, tougher than usual. Not entirely for what it had, but because of its way of coming and going.

● And then, Lucienne proposed a game changer.

● "How about using the word game you challenged Lucifer with, mylord? Why not aplying it on their fears?" She asked as they strolled through the library.

● "How so?"

● "For every hurtful, horrific thing they can think about, give them something equally delighful. Something peaceful for every monster under the bed".

● Morpheus stopped, then, as he considered her idea. He wondered...and decided to give it a shot. Your anxiety didn't play fair. And if the Dream Lord was able to play dirty (without hurting you, of course) then why not use that?

● So he asked you. And you said yes.

● You prepared together one night. Set everything as comfortable as posible and he asked again if you were willing.

● And the answer was the same. Yes.

● You stood face to face. The rules were simple. You had to start with the frase "I fear..." and mention any worry that plagued your mind. You felt self concious, tiny and nervious. But one steady look from him was enough to take a deep breath...and let everything go.

● It stared small. Insecurities about yourself came first. And just like a game of chess, for every fear, something hopeful came along; so certain and sincere you were almost hesitant to keep going, feeling like there was nothing to be scared about. Your ideas about the future along the fear of being left behind were the hardest to face. All the posible and imposible things that were out of your control became myst so heavy that there seamed no way to scape at all no matter how badly you wanted to. You called for Morpheus, blind and shaking. Screaming. Helpless.

● For a solid minute, nothing happened. Everything stilled and became quiet enough to hear your pulse, how your head buzzed.

● And right on your own world or chaos and fog...Morpheus found himself once again in front of you, smiling. He held a cristal ball on his hands.

● "You are not your thoughts. And as long as you believe in yourself even if it's a lie, my dearest, no one and nothing will hurt you. We won't let that happen".

● He held the sphere with his right hand and with the left he created light. Bright enough to gently lift the myst. Bright enough to engulf you and look around clearly for the first time in weeks. Bright enough to treasure what he made for you.

● All around you, all the people that you loved and would love stood around in this world of yours. This new universe in which all the things you wanted for yourself materialized: the home you would build, the career path you would make with your own bare hands, both worth while harships and victories. Your friends and family by your side. Morpheus' love clear as day, not leaving you unless you desired it. Every single honest wish and heartfelt dream was there.

● Dream gave you the orb then. Something material whose content would change depending on the path your life took. Something for you to take to the Waking World when things felt bigger than you.

● Even if you were emotionally exhausted or dispair came to get you, all it took was a look at the ball to at least feel the reminder that you deserved all those things. And you would get them some day. By your own. Helped by someone. But never out of loneliness.

● The battles with your mind would come back from time to time. The beast still thought they knew better than you. But each time, you rose. Victorious. Capable. Brave.

● And each time, he would be there. Always with his open arms and a gentle, firm hand.

Damn, okay. That felt nice. Been dreaming about Morpheus helping me out emocionally speaking for a while. AND I'M BACK IN THE GAME, BABY! Feedback is always apretiated and if I ofended or tr!gered anybody, please let me know in the coments. Yes, this drabble was very self indulgent but that doesn't mean I can get away with the right of hurting someone. That is the last thing I wish to do with my writing. Also, this was based on my own personal experience and I'll always say that every experience is valid. I really hope that anyone who related has found a comfort fic and/or a safe space. Thank you so much to all The Sandman fic writters out there, you are literally feeding me and many others since the show ended and I'm always gratefull for your skills and creativity. Gonna post the spanish version at some point after sleeping a bit. Hope you liked it!!! 💖💖💝

[nattspencer]

Let me take care of you

Missy x Reader

Summary: Missy gets hurt while doing maintenance in the TARDIS and a sad reader comes to help.

A/N: English is not my first language, I’m really sorry for any mistakes. It has been a long time since the last time I wrote any story, I'm just trying to get back to my hobbies and strugling a little bit now, anyhow, I really wanna get back to doing this, but in my own time, so if you have any ideas and want me to write them, it would be a pleasure, just send me a request o/

Warnings: tiny mention of torture, tiny mention of grief, lots of fluffy and soft!Missy.

Word count: 2.7k.

The GIF is not mine.

          God you missed your granny. She would definitely know what to do, what to do with all this feeling for a certain time lord, all this self loathe, and even if she didn’t know exactly how to help, at least you would have your person to talk about, to cry if you have to, you just needed to take it out of your chest.

          Don’t get me wrong, you absolutely love Bill and Nardole, but the fear of their judgment it’s just not something you would have when you talked with your granny, she was just your person, she was the one to love you, to care for you when the world didn’t even acknowledge your existence. She was the one to stand for you when all you parents did was beat the living shit out of you and tell you how useless you are and how you stole their lives and freedom. 

          Nightmares definitely weren’t a strange thing to you, had them since you were a child, and by now, for the most part, you can handle them pretty well, sometimes you were able to even stop them without having the trouble to wake up, but not this one. This one was particularly different, particularly cruel. 

          You could handle being chased, being beaten, tortured, see the most important people in you life telling you how much they despise you, but there’s one thing that was just too much. You couldn’t bear to watch Missy being tortured, torn apart, you could handle anything, except seeing the woman you love being hurt, in any way. Yes, she is a murderer, yes, she probably tortured someone sometime, but still, she is not that person anymore, she has changed, and you saw her changing. 

          When you first glanced at Missy in the vault, all you could think was how she looked just like you before granny stepped up, so hurt, so resentful, so trying desperately to feel something other than pure misery, but also trying so despairingly to seem okay, to seem like you need no one else other than themselves. You saw you in her, and you couldn’t help but do exactly what you so dreadfully one day hoped someone would, you cared. You cared for her. 

          One day you saw her hiding her bruised knuckles from you and Nardole’s view in one of your visits, so on the next one you found some excuse to bring a punching bag with you, alongside with some boxing gloves, so she could hit on something without hurting herself. On another occasion you saw her eyes a little swollen, so little that you doubt that Nardole would ever suspect it were ever that way. Thereupon you made another excuse to quickly go home and make a bottle of your better mix of milk and honey, granny’s recipe for when you were feeling down, just to unfortunately “forget” the full bottle inside the vault, unnecessary to say that it was empty the very next day.

          Little gestures like that, that’s what caught Missy’s attention. She began subtly to be a little less wry towards you, and little by little, your conversations lengthen and you two started to get along with each other. There were nights that you two just layed comfortably alongside each other and watched your favorite tv shows, others you just sat together each one reading your elected books with a pleasing silence between you two. Sometimes you just chatted about some random subject until the tiredness of the day got you, some other times you just spent the whole night bantering The Doctor and talking about his mannerism. And just like that, you fell in love, just to now, be punished by your bad dreams.

          Sometimes you wonder if your nightmares weren’t just your mind showing you the fears you so desperately try to forget. In any case, you were just too shaken to go back to sleep now and for that, you knew exactly what place you needed to go to find your serenity once again. The TARDIS’ beach has been your hide spot almost since you moved into the ship, it was quiet, had a gentle breeze and most of all, you could confess and tell everything you wanted to your beloved machine without the risk of anyone listening to it. 

          Your feet already knew the way by now, but the ship always made the room closer than it should when you needed it the most. You never thought you would love a machine as much as you love this one, all the sounds, all the lights, dimming and brightening in rhythm, but nothing compares to the lovely humming, that ladies and gentleman was the sound of home. The Doctor doesn’t imagine, but you’ve recorded it and put it to play every night you spend outside the ship just to lull you to sleep. Your mind would probably keep drifting about the wonders in the machine if the sound of something falling didn’t catch your attention. 

          “Bloody hell!” You heard from a tiny room ahead, there was no doors and the place filled with technological timey wimey stuff such as wires or metal plates, one of the later was resting in the ground “You should be in a fucking junkyard by now you useless shit” Missy hissed to the TARDIS.

          “Don’t talk to her like that! It’s not her fault that her driver is a little too neglectful towards maintenance” You said taking the ship’s side.

          “A fucking metal plate just fell on me so I think I get to call her whatever the fucking hell I want” Missy said clearly pissed. You were about to say something else in favor of the ship when you noticed a thin sharp redline in her forearm.

          “Shit, your arm, we really should go to the medbay” There was concern in your voice.

          “Oh this? It’s just a scratch poppet, you don’t have to care so much for little old me” Mockering was dripping from her words.

          “It's not a scratch, it's bleeding” The sight of her dark red blood made the scenes of your nightmare scream painfully in your head “Just… please, let’s get it clean before it gets infected” Your tone was shaken and the tiredness dripped over sorrow.

          “Well, if it calms your sentimental heart off we go then, there’s lots of things to fix and it’s really easier to do so when you all are not drifting around the time vortex” She said already walking outside the room. You didn’t say a single word, a tight knot was placed in your throat, all you managed to do was follow her steps. 

          The sound of her heels clicking rapidly echoed around the machine’s corridors. You could feel her eyes burning on you, but not a single word fell from her mouth. The route was brief but it felt like an eternity, memories of early flooding your mind while you try to pretend outside that nothing was happening. As soon as you enter the medbay you finally said, trying to sound as natural as possible: 

          “Um… you can sit on that stretcher, I’ll gather some supplies, wait a sec” You said, avoiding her gaze and trying to find what could be useful to clean and bandage her wound. 

          “You know I wouldn’t really throw a functioning TARDIS in a junkyard right?” She broke the silence “Also, I’m quite sure The Doctor it’s a little too attached to this particular one, so throwing it away wouldn't exactly help me get his friendship back” 

          “Yeah, I know, don’t worry” That was all you managed to say while you sat in front of her, starting to clean her cut, trying your very best to push the hurtful images to the back of your mind.

          “Did I say anything wrong, pet? Have I done anything wrong?” She tried to keep her usual tone but you could hear a hint of concern in her words “See, I’m little new on this being good thing”

          “Don’t worry Missy, you haven’t done or said anything wrong or bad or anything like that, it’s okay” You assured her.

          “Then why are you like this?” Her eyebrows furrowed.

          “Don’t worry, It’s nothing important” It was a paper thin lie, but still, you tried.

          “Well, the thing is, it is important” A deep sigh fell from between her lips “Look, I’m new to this kind of stuff but you once said you took care of me because it was all you ever wanted when you were down, having someone to care without the need to ask for it, so please, I know I’m way far from being the best person or the deserving person to do it but just for this once, let me take care of you”

          “You remembered” It was ages ago when you told her that, and she still remembered it, just the way you said. A smile crawled on your lips and your eyes brightened.

          “Of course I do remember, kitten, some of the things you say resonate you know” She said as if it was obvious. Your smile grew wider and your eyes started glistening.

          “Damn, you are truly amazing, you know that right?” There was true admiration in your words

          “Well, I’m just making my part of the deal. How was it again? You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed? I’m responsible with my pets, especially with my favorite one”

          You just couldn’t hold your tears back anymore, sorrow and pain, happiness and fondness was all mixed within you, all too much to contain. Missy then stood up and gently scooped you into her arms in a warm embrace, mildly stroking your hair. You never imagined she could be so tender, so warm, and more than any moment, she felt like home, it felt like you had your person again, and it made you cry even more. 

          She patiently waits for you to get it all off your chest, letting you wet her blouse as much as you want to, as much as you need to. Her other hand drew weightless incomprehensible circles on the small of your back trying to lull you into calmness. Your face was bared in the crook of her neck, her familiar scent invaded your nostrils and reminded you of the days you slept together in the vault in your movie nights, those were good nights.

          “Don’t worry, I’ve got you” She said in a tender tone.

          Good minutes drifted through the clock until you finally cried all you needed, the grief from your grandmother, your unrequited love for Missy, your nightmares, your fears, all gone now in the form of tears. 

          “Better?” She broke the silence carefully when you pulled slightly away from her embrace.

          “Better”

          “I just want you to know that if you want to talk to someone, about anything, even about earth’s history, I’m here for you okay? Little old me is never out of duty” Her eyes flooded with truth and tenderness.

          “Thank you” No word in the would could express the gratitude, the feelings you had now “I suppose talk about it wouldn’t hurt, I trust you Missy” When you said it so honesty a hit of surprise hit her face, followed soon by joy “So I think it would be fair enough to show you my hideout”

          “Hideout?” One of her eyebrows arched.

          “Well, when I get some really bad nightmares normally like to wander around, so in one of these walks the TARDIS showed me that room, since then whenever a need a safe place I just go there and talk to my machine friend” 

          “Machine friend? Might have to throw her in the junkyard after all” She said in a mockering tone.

          “Missy!” You said with a small laugh.

          “What? That’s my name dearie, don’t wear it out, ohh” Her brain finally realized something “So that’s why you took her side earlier, naughty naughty” She smiled showing her canines.

          “There’s enough room in my heart for you two, it is bigger on the inside” 

          “I very much like exclusivity, pet” 

          “Will you go with me or not?” You fake annoyance.

          “Follow a pretty girl to an unknown location in the middle of the night? Seams safe enough, off we go?”

          “You’re unbelievable” A genuine laugh fell from your lips.

          Your hands instinctively enclosed hers in a perfect puzzle as soon as you started to walk, a comfortable silence between you two in the brief road, iIt was really strange how things were really closer than the usual, actually you could bet the TARDIS purposely made this way, in fact she might have arranged it all. She knew you loved Missy. Anyhow, in no time you were standing on the beach’s door. 

          When you opened it and instantly you felt a pleasant light breeze on your face, the sea air filling your lungs, and the sun perfectly clouded, not too hot, not too gloomy. You took a glance into Missy’s face and a light sound smile painted her lips. In no time you took off your shoes and put your toes in the sand, dragging your honor guest with you.

          “Oh nono, no boots in the sand, take your shoes off” 

          “Sand it’s awful to clean”

          “My place, my rules, please” Pleading painting your eyes.

          “Fine, but don’t take pictures of my feet and post it online, I know they are pretty”

          “For the love of God woman” You couldn’t help but to laugh. 

          A towel laid carefully placed in the sand, close enough to the ocean but not too close to get wet, still holding hands you two sat comfortably on it, and you laid your head on her shoulder. Glancing at the waves you started to talk.

          You told her about your granny, how you missed her, told her about the nightmare that bothered you early this night, told her pretty much everything, except that she was the one you loved. Missy attentively listened to all the things you said, always making some witty comment to make you laugh. It was peaceful, among all the chaos, it was peaceful.

          She then told you about her childhood, her friendship with the Doctor, and in the end you just were chatting literally about anything that would come to mind. Talking with her was easy, was natural, and you wished it would go on forever, but now, with your head on her lap, a stubborn yawn slipped between your lips.

          “Sorry, did I bore you sweetie?” She played.

          “Shut up”

          “Naughy, but you really should get some sleep, I don’t know much about humans, but I do know about your daily semi-coma thing” Her hands were dancing blissfully between your locks.

          “I should, but I don’t want this to end” Sincerity flooded your words.

          “I don’t have anywhere else to be pet, quite imprisoned I would say” 

          “Still, I don’t want you to leave, also, I don’t want to have that nightmare again” Your face contorted to the thought of that.

          “Well, if that’s the problem I suppose I could sleep with you then, those nasty nightmares won’t bother you anymore, furthermore I will still be by your side”

          “That sounds nice” Butterflies danced in your stomach.

          “But just for the records, if I fill your bed with sand that’s totally your fault” 

          “Blame is on me then, off we go? I can borrow you one of my pjs” 

          “Little old me, in your room, light clothes, you really will have to sleep, you know that right?” A mischievous smile danced on her lips.

          “Yes, I do know that” You rolled your eyes with annoyance to mask a light shade of pink in your cheeks “Off we go?” You said getting up and extending your hands to her.

          Missy gently took your hands and stood up too without saying anything, just her pale blue eyes locked in yours. All the way to your room your hand didn’t leave hers and you thought you really could get used to this, you felt safe. And after all she has done today you could tell you were really important to her too.

[littlelightfish]

As a member of Mickbell Nation, and a honorary member of Kuro Nation, for Kuro's and Mick's sake I will speak up. I loved this scene on anime.

When they arrive to the island, the first thing Mickbell does is go to the window and try see outside. He can barely see anything aside the sky color, that's why he wonders what time is it. Kuro leans towards him, or is looking outside the window, or both, I can't really tell. Here we can see that Mickbell could tiptoe and try to see outside, but I believe he doesn't because: a) he'd still be too short to see and knows it and/or b)he is expecting Kuro to hear him.

Now, he could be just wondering and looking outside with no real wanting of looking outside further (he's ok with just looking at the sky), but his body language tells he wants to peek outside.

THEN he picks up Mickbell without him asking Kuro to do so. Kuro sees his small friend who can't get the vew strugling and decides that he would lift him up to see. He could have just told him "it's dawn", but he decides, without no-one asking him to do so, to do this. Did Mickbell expected this to happen? Yes, you can see it on his face. He's quite happy being lifted up to see outside the window.

This is meant to show that, even tho Mickbell is his boss, Kuro very much does what he wants. Wich is often what Mickbell wants. Because they know each other so well that Mick can be certain that if Kuro hears him, not even complaining, but wondering what time is it, he would be picked up to see by himself.

On anime, it happens backwards. The first thing we see is Kuro lifting him up. It takes off the sweetness of "oh, he can't see, I'll help him" that we get when Mick asks first and Kuro lifts second. Even when we still get the message if we look at this images, it's not quite the same. At least at first glance. But... Isn't it lovely that he looks at his short ass friend, thinks "is he trying to look outside? He can't, he's too short. I'll help him". And the little surprise on Mick's face? It gives that Mick wasn't expecting this care. He was just looking outside with thia "Well I can't see shit, I wish I was taller sometimes" look in his eyes. Then he gets just a tiny bit surprised as he feels hands grabbing him, but nothing else. He's so used to this he doesn't even turn around to see who picked him up. He alredy knows.

Here, Kuro looks at him, Mick is trying to look outside with not a word. I at first didn't liked that he sayed nothing. The idea was that Mickbell, knowing how his friend would react, sayed something. Bit the "up we go" Kuro tells him as he lifts him up its everything I needed to keep on the living laughing loving.

And after he can see outside he wonders what time is it. Wich... is a bit wierd... Because he now can see, not only how the sky is, but how the town down there is. It's not dificult to know if it's dusk or dawn by looking at the people on the streets.

So yes, me (detail-obsessed fish) is quite happy with the comeout after a bit of analysis. But I still feel it could've been better to leave as it was on the manga.

[mehiwilldoitlater]

Not quite sure if this si what you wnated BUT...but.....oooh i was enxpiredd! Still, it may contain stuff like selfarm..slighty yandere?..plase, if you don’t  like, don’t read! @naynaya-blog1​

“NO! STOP! STAY AWAY FROM HER!” Xiao was only able to scream. The pain in his legs,...the stone steles must have broke them. Still he reach his hand to you, trying everything to help you, protect you. He was able to do it after a fatal blow from the former archin spear, but the strike , heamed to your head, was able to harm your eyes.

Zhingli didn’t need to rush, he wanted to savour it, your pityfull cry , unable to see his polearm ready to strike on you. Still you know, but you wnated to reach for your only friend in that nightmare. You wanted to hold him, one last time, to call for him, but your scream were muffled in your sobs. The last thing you sensed was the polearm, slashing your body, you felt Xiao voice calling for you. Then....why Zhongli screamed?

Maybe, just maybe, you thought that dying could have been a better idea. The first day, you wake up in a room, a very elegant room. Your battered body, covered in bandages, was nestled in a canopy bed, scarlets blankets decourated with golden plots kept you warm. Not like it was needed, the room, decorated by any luxury and flowers was, for some reasons that now where clear, didn’t gave any windows. You tried to get up, but the pain was unbearable, and you collapsed again on the pillows, so you started to let your eyes wandering the room.

And you saw him.

When you finally awake, the first thing Zhongli tried to do was to ensure your safety, but you started screaming, calling for the Adeptus, begging him to came to your aid. You scream that you were scared, that you didn’t want to die, to save him from the man in front of you. You cried so much, and everytime Zhongli tried to reach his harms to comfort you it was only make it WORST.

The fifth day, you didn’t scream. Oh, you even let him treat your wound from his polearm! You still wasn’t able to look at him and you were a tremling mess, but you let him touch you! How much he had to retsrain himself to hold your figure in his arm, but he need to be patience...he was the one that reduce to this state, so he had to be patience. You tried to ask him about Xiao, he didn’t said nothing.

The fifteenth day you consented to be seen by the Qixing, but even after Ningguang kneel before you, showng the remorse from herself and your people you were...confused? After their living, you asked Zhongli why Xiao didn’t show up, you said you wanted to meet him, not them! He smiled, telling you that Xiao had to attempt to other matters.Only now you know that he was lying.

You were currently fixating the ceiling, wondering how much time have passed since the last time you saw the full moon reflecting into Liyue harbor. You didn’t know, without windows it was difficult. You body was covered in new bandages, this time it wasn’t the Archon that tried to hurt you, but the worst abnd difficult of your enemies: yourself.

When Zhongli tried to explain to you why you didn’t die, hy you regain your vision, and how your body was able to support such pain, you didn’t believe him, it was almost a joke to you. But, after several time of your failures in tring to escape your new world, you started to believe him. His faith, the faith in his god, was keeping you alive. 

But you know that wasn’t the truth. No matter how many time he boasted himself bout his faith saving your life, keeping you there. It wasn’t his faith that saved you that day. That day, while strugling, Xiao prayed to the gods,to the creator, to you to not die. How much you wished you did. Speaking of witch, a footsteps awoke you from you silent slumber.

“How are you feeling today?” His warm eyes reflected into your dulls one. “.......Define...how....”

A long sigh escape his mouth, your new behavior was an interesting turn of events, still he would have preferred a kind one. He taked his place on the chair next to your bed, an action he had taken since your first day.

“The maids had informed me that you haven’t eat anything...again. I must remind you that even if your body is capable of power such as regenration, this king of ability lack precision when in difficults conditions.”

You ated how much patience he had with you, you ated how much care he showed to you. But the most, you ated the fact that he was right. This time, the wounds weren’t healing at the same time as the others....not like you wanted, but was a reminder of what power he hold over you, something that you despise. “You almost sound concern over me.”

“I am concern, your grace, i deeply cared for you.” “Oh..is that so?” You raised your shackled wrist, letting the chan rattle for him to see. “ So much that you had to restrain me?” He became serious, you asked yourself if even felt any remorse after handcuffed you on your bed. He did felt remorse, but he knew that was necessary, especially in your current state. 

“ You could hurt yourself.” “I wanted to get out.” “ You wnated to hurt you.” “ I wanted to be free, whatever it  takes.”

His face changed again, amazing how the Geo Archon, the most stoic one of the seven,could change emotions in a matter of second. This time, he showed pain, reaching for you hand, holding it like fine glass. That could have been such a lovely gesture, too bad you despise it with every inch of your soul.

“Your grace...please....you must understand, everything i do...i do it for you. The only thing i want it’s you happyness, your smile.I’ll do everything, please...”

He pained him so much, sure he was understandable, he knew that there was no forgiveness for what he has done to you, but ha was willingly to do everything to repay you, to show you that he was sorry. You finally raised your looks to him, his final words...maybe, if that was what he wanted, the price could be sufficient? Finally, after many days, your hand reciprocated the gesture, caressing gently the gloved knuckles of your current protector.

“..Do you Zhongli?...You’ll do everything for me?”

For a moment, you thought, that wasn’t the Geo Archon, but someone connected to the Sun, all due the light his eyes radiated.

“Yes! For you, everything! You only have to ask!” “...Then...”

You gulp in nervousness.

“...Let me see Xiao again.”

As it came, the sun was clouded.

Of course, him

....there was nothing Zhongli he could have dove, you still favored the Yaksha. How could blame you?...But still, why now more than ever, he wished to have killed the Adeptus instead to let him observe your demise?

“... You grace, you know better than anyone that Xiao, as a Yaksha, must protect Liyue from dangers. Especially know you’re back, his fight with the dmeons have increased.”

“...Then i must speak with him immeditaley, because he had missed one.”

His grip tightened,it was almost painfull, and so you saw it again. All your courage disappear, letting you came back to your former trembling body, full of fear. If front of your, cupping your face, a worst Zhongli, far worst from the one that once want you dead.

“My dearest...my precious creator...” His smile... “You are only alive because of my faith in you...” Those eyes...He started to get close, too much. “So your life...” He was inches away. “Belongs to me now.” Before everything could happen, your hand move. A sudden snap, his face move from the impact between it and your hand. You were a trembling mess, your eyes full of emotion, fear. “Leave...me...alone...go...away!” You wanted to scream,, stopped only by the increasing fear of the possible anger of the Archon. He touched his cheek, where your hand collide with his face...and smiled, he just smiled. “I guess today your still on the edge...please, try to eat something this evening, i’ll make the maids to something especially for you.” And, like that, he left, leaving you alone, again, in your new personal hell. When you started to cried, the only thing you could say was Xiao’s name. You wanted him to save you from the demon that hold you in a golden cage.

[weird-is-life]

When night falls, I am your escape #6

Sumarry: After avoiding her home town for a long time because of the boy who broke her heart. Y/N goes home to spend the longest time there in 15 years. The problem is that he is home, too. Daniel wants to reconnect with her, but she wants nothing more than to just avoid him.

Warnings: language

Chapters: 6/12

Words: 3.4k Masterlist

(English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes)

Michelle did as she promised. I got a text in the morning with all the information about the day. We were meeting up at the local karting track at 1 p.m. I was nervous about the day, Daniel and Michael weren't the only reasons for the nerves. I was going karting after a long long time and that left me feeling uneasy. What if i sucked? That would have been embarrassing.

I tried not to think of it. I did everything to keep my mind off my worries. When the clock hit 12, the anxious feeling came back. I had to get ready and drive off. I was also debating what to wear, the strugle was real. In the end i went for something comfortable, we were going to be racing, so comfy clothes were a must.

I got there a little earlier, I was always on time for everything, sometimes a little too early.

While i waited, i looked around and thought about how that place held so many memories. I used to be there almost everyday, sometimes racing with Daniel and sometimes just cheering for him. It was probably the place, where i spent most of my time, outside of school. Yeah, it would always be close to my heart.

The noise of a car coming my way, broke me out of the thoughts. And the thing,  i saw infront of me was hillarious. Daniel squeezed in the back of the car between two child car seats was really funny. I laughed at it and to be honest i must have looked a bit mad, just randomly bursting out laughing . But if you saw what i saw, you would have laughed, too.

Michelle stopped the car right next to mine. The smile quickly dissapeared off my face, when Michael got out of the car. I was kind of scared, he would be angry at me. He was my friend and I pretty much ghosted him along with everybody else. That was not right at all, so i would understand if he was angry at me. I braced myself for him being distant with me, but he did the complete opposite. He came to me and hugged me, actually hugged me. That left me totally shocked.

"Hi Y/N, it's so good to see you" he said with the biggest smile. How could he be so kind to me? He was always nice and kind, so it shouldn't  have surprised me.

"Hi, it's good to see you too" i returned the smile.

"It's been forever since we've seen each other, how have you been?" he asked with what seemed like genuine interest.

"Yeah i have been good, can't complain too much, what about you?" i knew, he was Daniel's trainer, but i was trying to be continue with the friendly conversation.

"I'm travelling the world with Daniel , so pretty amazing, but i can definitely complain sometimes , he can be a pain in the ass " he joked.

"Talking about me behind my back already Mike?" Daniel quipped in.

"Naah Dan, Me? Never, you know that " Michael said with cheeky grin. Their banter was amusing, i had to admit that . Altough i didn't show it on my face.

"Oh I can totally see the pain" i said quietly to Michael with a chuckle. Daniel meanwhile helped Michelle unstrap Isaac.

"Riight?"he agreed.

"Soo, you are the pretty lady that gave Isaac the car, he loves so much "he stated.

" What do you mean? "i asked.

" The orange toy car you gave him, it's his favorite toy now" how cute.

"Really? I had know idea, he liked it so much" it really surprised me. Speak of the devil, Isaac ran out of the car, right to us.

"Hiii" he greeted me sweetly.

"Hey buddy, you ready for some racing?" you could see the excitement in his eyes.

"Yes, i'm super excited" he spread his arms to show how thrilled he was. He grabbed Michael's arm and started dragging him towards the track. Boy, he really was pumped for it.

Michelle, with Daniel walking a few steps behind her, said to me.

"Hi, i'm glad that you could join us" i could feel Daniel's eyes on me.

"Hi, thank you for having me, hope i'm not intruding" i said with a small smile.

"Of course not, can't you see how happy he is" she pointed at the blond boy. I gave her a bright smile in return.

"Well i hope, not many people decided, that today was the day to go karting" it would have been awful if the track was packed with people.

"You don't need to worry, we have the whole track for ourselves for the next 3 hours i think" what?

"How come?" i asked.

"Daniel gave them a call" that made so much sense. I forgot, that he is literally a superstar.

"Oh, right" i said with understandimg tone.

"You are going to be karting with us, right?" hopefully Michelle didn't leave me in this alone. Just me, against the three boys.

"Yup, we are going to show these boys how winning looks like" hell yeah. I was 100% not going to let Daniel win that easily.

"You are damn right we are! They won't even know what hit them" i said trying to seem tough, but i was betrayed by my laugh. We both started laughing.

I could still feel Daniel's eyes on me, so I turned around to look at him. Our eyes met for a brief second, but i quickly turned back to look infront of me and went back to the talking with Michelle .

A few minutes later i was dressed in a race suit with a helmet in my hand,waiting for the karts to get ready. Being back there, smelling the burned tyres and oil, felt like a home. I have always liked the smell but, i never knew why. It was kind of weird to be back there after so many years. It felt so familiar but everything was different. I was there with Daniel and his family just like the old days but the difference was that we were not best friends anymore . We didn't even know much about each other. We were practicaly strangers. Yeah, it was definitely weird.

I didn't have any more time to think about it, because we were up for the driving. I didn't notice that Daniel and Isaac had the same racing helmets with Daniel's design. I had to say, it was cute. But the one thing i did notice was how freaking good Daniel looked in the suit . How could he look like some model in it and i got to look like i was wearing a potato sack. Focus Y/N, that was what i told myself, to stop looking at him. Fucking hell, i should have been ignoring his ass, not thinking about how good he looked. Yeah it wasn't going like i imagined it would go.

"Alright, so we'll do a few laps to warm up. Then we will do one lap on time to set the starting positions for the race. We should devide in teams, so Y/N and Michelle , Mike and Isaac  and i'll be alone, any questions?" Daniel was talking in serious tone but looked like a kid about to get a candy.

"Will there be a trophy?" Isaac asked.

"Of course, what do you take this for, this is a serious bussiness. " Mike jokingly said to him .

"So what's the prize, is it 1000 jelly beans?" i asked with a laugh.

"Nope that's not it" Mike laughed

"What is it than?"

"I guess you will have to win and see." he said, it was so on at this point.

"Okay yeah, than let's go, me and Michelle are ready to beat you all" i said for both of us and she agreed.

" YOU get ready to lose, because we are definitely not losing." Michael said.

"Alright alright, we all get it, everybody is pumped, but we all know that i'll kick your asses." Daniel said smugly. We all groaned as a responce to him saying that .

I wanted to say something to him, but the staff hurried us to sit in the karts, because the time was running.

I almost forgot how uncomfortable it was to sit in the kart. I was sure, i was going to be sore the next day. Despite it, i was looking forward to the driving. The nerves left my body as soon as i put the helmet on my head. I understood why drivers always got in some zone, after they put on the helmets. It was thrilling in some way.

We got out of the pits in the order of Isaac in the front, than Mike, Me ,Michelle and Daniel. I was driving with caution at first, but when i got in the rythm, i was enjoying it. It felt great to be back in the kart.

We did a few laps to warm up and then the quali. The real quali times were pretty unfair, Isaac would be last and we didn't want that, so we put him on pole. Mike in P2, Me in P3, Michelle in P4 and we put Daniel in the last place, of course. It would have been too easy for him, right? Anyways, we did a small break to drink some water. As always it was hot as hell in Australia , so it wasn't making the driving easier at all.

"Here" Daniel handed me a bottle of water. I didn't really know what to say, so I just said thanks. I thought, he would leave me alone after but small talk was the way he wanted to go.

" Are you having fun?" i was until he came.

" Yup" i said shortly.

"Cool" it would be just as painful to just watch this attept for a conversation as it was to live it. It was so bad, that it made me laugh. He looked at me with a surprise and a question at the same time, after he heard me laugh.

"Sorry, but this was just so bad" i got out between laughs. I knew, that he agreed with me, because he shyly laughed aswell .

Aa soon as we stopped laughing, the awkward silence came back. The awkward silence was probably my fault, since i was the one trying to avoid him for dear life. Thankfully Michael called on us to get ready before he could try again. He left to get ready without another word, so I did the same thing.

The race was 10 laps long. I had so much fun. In the end our team didn't win, we were close tho. Daniel came last, mostly thanks to me and Michelle not letting him past.

" I won, i won " Isaac was jumping with happines,"What is my prize?" he asked.

" You get to choose what you want to do for the rest of the day, after we are done here, yeah?" Daniel said.

"Oh yes, i want to go and get a lot of ice cream" i had to say he picked a good choice. Though Michelle didn't look to pleased to hear that.

"But you have to eat some proper meal before yeah? You can even choose the restaurant" Daniel said to him, i though it was probably because of Michelle's reaction. Isaac agreed and went to whisper something in Daniel's ear. I had no idea what it could be. Daniel just said of course to him and we all went back to the racing. But we just drove for fun, no competition.

We survived the three hours without any injuries. Altough a few of us ended up outside the track. I wouldn't want to point a finger at anybody, but Michael was the one outside the track the most. It was likely because of  Daniel who was pushing him for fun. Poor Mike.

After our time was up, we were all drained. It was understandable, because we were doing physical activity plus the sun was literally trying to cook us.

"Did you like it?" Michelle asked me while we were leaving.

"Hell yeah, i had so much, thank you for inviting me" it was the most fun i had in a long time.

"I'm glad you came, i missed hanging out with you , you know?" she said sincerely.

"I missed it, too" i truly did miss it. To be honest i missed everything about  Australia.

We got to our cars and i was ready to go home.

"Thanks guys for today, it was fun" i said.

"Where are you going? We still have to go eat and get ice cream" Michael insisted.

"I wanted to go home , i don't want to bother you" i said honestly.

" Oh come on, of course you are not bothering, all of us are very happy, that you are here with us. So stop being so damn stubborn and come to eat something" Michael's speech was pretty impressive, i had to say. The only thing i could do at that moment was to just say yes.

"Alright, so where are we going?" i asked.

"That's a secret only me and Isaac know" Daniel said. I guessed it was the thing Isaac whispered to Daniel's ear a little earlier.

Because i didn't know where to go, i had to follow their car to wherever we were heading. After approximately 10 minutes we arrived at a small restaurant, that was close to the sea. It looked beautiful.

"Wow, this place looks really cool. I didn't know something like this was here" i said.

" It's been here only a few years. They have the best pasta in town" Michelle said. We didn't waste more time and went inside to find a table. I had to, to my luck, sit right next to Daniel. He must have noticed my 'delight' and quietly told me.

"I will change my seat, if you do not want me to sit next to you" but i thought it would have looked weird, so I quietly replied aswell.

"You don't need to do that, i think i will survive" my responce caught him off guard, because his eyes widened in surprise. He was probably surprised, i had practically yelled at him yesterday, to never again speak to me.

We didn't speak any more. I didn't even look at the menu, i was going with what i always ordered Pasta la carbonara.

"Eh what are you guys getting? I can't decide" Michael said.

"Pasta la carbonara"  Daniel said at the same time as me. Fuck, i forgot that he liked it. Who could have thought that he still did right? I definitely didn't think about it.

" You know, i don't know if i missed you two saying same things at the same time or if it annoyed me" great, he had to say something like that.

"Oh shut up mate, better look for something to order, because the waiter will be here in no time" and he was right the waiter showed up out of nowhere. Everybody told him their orders.

"Y/N, so what have you been up to, we didn't have time to talk" Mike asked.

" Not much. I live in London and i work there as a lawyer and that's about it" i chuckled, i sounded so boring.

"London? We can hang out than. Me and Dan spend a lot of time there, since he's joined Mclaren" he said enthusiastically.

"Umm yeah, sure" i probably didn't sound very convincing, that I was happy about that information.

"And what about outside of work? Any hobbies?" it was, maybe not much but a bit like interrogation.

"I like surfing"

" Oh yeah i've heard someone mention it, i think, are you not afraid of sharks?" he laughed.

"Only when i surf here. But most of the time i surf with other people, so it's not very scary than. And when i'm in England, i go to surf parks and there are no sharks there, i'm sure of that. You would hope that there is no shark in a pool, right? " i chuckled.

"Who wouldn't want a shark in a pool" Michelle joked,"You could teach me, i always wanted to try" she said.

"I would give money to see you surf Michelle" Daniel cheekily said.

"Oh mate, i wouldn't speak if i was you. You were horrible on the surf" Mike quickly wiped away Daniel's smile.

"You are no better, Mike" Daniel quipped back.

"Enough of surfing" he quickly changed the subject "Let's get back to you Y/N. Are you single" for a second i thought he was joking but he looked serious . I decided to mess with him a bit.

"No, i have husband" right after i said that, Daniel started coughing and looked at me with wide eyes. He wasn't the only one whose eyes were wide open.

"Really?" he asked in disbelieve. I couldn't help but to laugh.

"Of course not, i'm single. I'm just messing with you" i could see Daniel relax after i said that and laugh with everybody else.

Thankfully the food arrived, because i didn't think, i would handle another question about me.

But to tell the truth the food was amazing. It really was the best pasta in town. We talked about other things than my life while we ate. Except for Isaac who fell asleep. I got him, i was exhausted from the day, too.

When we were on our way to leave, i said goodbye to everybody, before Daniel could stop me to continue the talk from yesterday. I was happy to go home, because i was so tired.

But of course i couldn't just that easily get home. On my way home i drove over something. It felt like my tyre exploded, so I stopped at the side of the road to check it. It really was like it exploded , i drove over some nail and of course i didn't have spare tyre.

I called my dad for help. "Hey dad, could you come help me out? I drove over something and now my tyre is dead. I'm a few kilometres from the city on the main road." i quickly said everything to him. I didn't want to waste time being there, because i was close to falling asleep from exhaustion.

" My car is in the service, did you forget? But i'll call somebody and text you, yeah? Just stay in the car, i'll find somebody to help you out" he said. I said just okay to him and than hung up. It was already getting dark outside.

A few minutes later a text came, saying that dad's friend Joe would come in no time. I didn't even think, which friend Joe he'd meant. And after 20 minutes a car really did stop next to mine. But it was no Joe, altough it was close . It was Daniel, Joe's son. I thought about that I had to remind dad the difference between the two of them.

"Hey, we didn't stay away from each other for long" he joked. I wasn't in a cheerful mood, i was stuck there for 30 minutes.

"Yeah" he took out spare tyre from his car.

"Do you have wheel wrench ?" he asked.

"Yeah i do. You can just give me the tyre and go home . I know how to change it myself" he just smiled.

"I know you do, but i don't want to leave you here alone" he didn't have the problem 15 years ago, i thought to myself. He knew very well, that i could change it myself. It was because his dad taught us both, how to do it.

" It really isn't necessary" i tried to convince him to leave, but he persisted on staying. We changed the tyre and to my surprise, it didn't take us long.

" Thanks for helping me, goodnight "i wanted to leave, but he once again wanted to talk.

" Y/N could we please talk? " i sighed, i didn't really want to, but i gave in. Maybe it was because i had enough of him trying to have a conversation with me or maybe it was because i wanted to know what he had to say. Either way i agreed to hear him out.

"Okay than, talk" i said with my arms crossed over my chest.

Taglist :@wonderlandofsu @eniram-du @citylights31 @readerselegance @mgajdaaa

Hey guys, thank you for reading. Hope this wasn't too bad to read. Next chapter will probably be angsty. Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist, you can dm me or whatever. Stay safe everybody and have a great day. Peace out :) Chapter 7

[the-bjd-community-confess]

I’ve been struggling with mental health for pretty much my whole life. Its also a genetic thing since my mom, gradnma and great grandmother all need to take anti-depressants. I started taking mine when i was about 14 and I’ll likely have to take them my whole life. I go through periods where I think I’m finally getting better and then I fall in a hole again. I graduated almost a year ago, I’ve had a job for a few days but they didn’t ask me to come back so I quit (no idea why they where keeping me there anyway?) and ever since then everything is just, not good. My grandfathers health has decreased, my grandmothers mental health is the worst rn and i kinda given up. I’m very ashamed of how I live atm but i dont have a smidge of motivation anymore.

My psychologist scolded me, told me that im being very selfish and that i should know that im hurting others with the way im acting atm. And if I dont change I’ll need to go to a psychiatric hospital to get my shit in order. on the one side i was like “oh no, thats bad” and on the other “eh, do your worst” It’s been a couple of months now with alot of strugle that I’m very slowly trying to get to bed earlier and out of bed. Each week I need to call my psychologist to tell her how i did. In the midst of all of this I’m also creating some storys, I’ve always liked doing it and it keeps me busy. I was working on a story where the 3 main characters all had deep meaning to me (like gender, sexuality ect) and then like an angel sent from heaven Frappzilla released the rabbit Blooms. I was obsessed to say the least. My friend who I’m dearly thankful for gave me some money for my birthday and with that I bought it.

And it seems so silly but the thought of this little doll makes my days so much more bearable? I keep looking everyday for updates dispite knowing it’ll still take awhile, I search ways to make mini clothes and where to buy eyes. And now I’m head deep into the little doll side of the hobby. I used to only collect MSDs but i cant get over Frappzillas Blooms. I now saved up enough to buy the little dragon centaur doll.

These dolls might not make me you know… not depressed, but they do give me a reason to keep on going.

~Anonymous

[soliavenne]

HELLO I LOVE UR BLOG SM💜

Imagine being very very sick and you didn’t wanna tell Gaara about it only because yk he’s a busy man. Gaara been noticing how you’ve been acting “strange” { coughing and etc } He asked you about it and you say no, obviously. Your sickness got even worse in the evening making you not wanna eat, or do anything productive. Gaara was really worried for you, as he watch you strugle with your food.

Finally Gaara is so worried at the point when you almost fell off your chair, before Gaara caught you in his arms when he was doing dishes. At this point he knew you weren’t alright so he asked the council to let him have days off🥺 just so he can take care of youuuuuu!!!

HES LEGIT GONNA BE THE SWEETEST MAN ALIVEEE- LIKE HOLDING YOU IN HIS ARMS AND FEEDING YOU. :D

You didn’t really like the idea of Gaara taking days off to take care of you m, but hey Gaara did it anyways 😭❤️

{ extra }

as you go to lay down on chest you were coughing very bad. Leaving Gaara to wake up and ask you, “ my love are you alright???” With your voice rough and shaky, you quietly said. “ sorry love.... I just- I- am I having a very bad stomachache ache...” Gaara looked at you with a sad pout, he got up and went to get water and extra fuzzy blankets for you. He looked you in the eye with sadnesses, but than a slight smile as he says, “don’t worry my love I’ll take care of you.:)” As he helps me drink the water, he took you in his arms and held you right, wrapped the blankets around you, and pecked you in the cheek. You smiled so great full for Gaara as he moved his hands to rub your stomach. Before you fell asleep, you weakly whispered, “thank you so much gaara.... I love you..” Gaara looked in awes as he brought you in a little tighter, “I love you too my love.” In a very soothing kind voice. At the end he made sure you fell asleep first, hands on your stomach and wrist, holding you dearly.

IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG LOLOL- I JUST HAD THIS HC IN MY MIND FOR SO LONG💜 :>

HIIII! I'm so happy to see you here and finally get to interact with you, @g8arakun! 😄😄❤ Thank you so much for your support love! I appreciate it a lot.. 😊❤

This had been such a beautiful fluffy HC.. 🥺🥺🥺❤❤ I HAVE SHAMELESSLY SELF-INSERTED MYSELF BECAUSE I RELATE TO THE SITUATION RN 😂😂😂 Seriously though this was adorable!! ❤❤ Gaara is definitely a very caring, thoughtdul bb.. 😔❤ How can you not fall for this man

Thank you sooo much for sharing your lovely HC with us, @g8arakun!! 😊😊❤❤ Take care as always! 😄

[noocturnalchild]

Of Thieves and Poets

Warning : Mention of abuse, light depiction of wounds, hurt

Well, that was a hard chapter to write, mainly cause I’m still strugling with my English, and sometimes, ideas are here but I find no words to describe them as I want to !

Many thanks to a great friend who’s always been there to beta read my fics and correct the MANY language mistakes I’m still making,it’s a shame that I can’t tag her here !

Sara maybe you’ll never read this but I LOVE YOU ( this is me talking to myself lol)

Also many thanks to all who are sharing and liking my fics, I love you guys, you are the best !

All the poetry in this chapter is William Carlos Williams’ ! 

Chapter one here ! 

Chapter 2 

* 

Give me something to eat! Let me take you to the hospital, I said and after you are well you can do as you please. She smiled, Yes you do what you please first then I can do what I please

“Who’s she?”

The day Laura died, he wrote his most accomplished poem. It rested between her cold fingers, folded in a small sheet of damp paper and he briefly wondered if the dead could read. Heavy rain washed the sleepy city that day, and everyone said that they’d never seen so many white peonies in the same place before. He buried all his other poem books with her, tucked between her curls and the black and white satin.

He never made a copy.

Paterson didn’t write love poems anymore. But never were his fingers as ink stained, bruised and abused by so many hours spent writing as they were now, and never was his desk inundated by so many notebooks. They piled up in complete disorder, competing with books and tools, making the old wood squeak uncomfortably.

“Who’s she”

Only now he saw her fiddling with the framed photo he kept on his living room table, so that it was always the first thing he saw as he woke up.

“Wife?”

Paterson didn’t answer.

Mina had her back turned to him. She couldn’t see the man’s eyes watering, or the frown of his brows, nor could she feel his struggle with his breath, repressing the tides of anguish that menaced to crash on him again.

“Gorgeous, dude! bet she gives great head” She turned to look at him over her shoulder, winked suggestively.

Beaming and smug at the same time, Mina looked like one who’s sure just dropped something so smart and funny, completely oblivious of the hands clutching on the cold marble of the kitchen counter. White knuckles, white pain…

“No complaints.“

Paterson’s reply of choice. Life was going on for everybody, for him too. Doc got a TV in his bar after all. Marie went to New York and Everett to LA. And he was still a bus driver, eating cereals every morning, writing in his yellow pages and sitting on the wet benches of Paterson’s waterfalls, so why would he complain?

“Go and freshen up, bathroom first door to the left”

“You’re no fun” She stuck out her tongue and left. Paterson couldn’t be mad.

Laura was laughing, straddling the arm of the sofa and eyeing him with mischief in her eyes. He couldn’t help but smile.

“Won’t ya help me with my clothes?”

“I can’t do much with a broken wrist”

“It hurts”

(…)

“Dude, come on, so prudish!”

Laura had a hand on her mouth now, in mock shock, her eyes were still laughing, and Paterson was confused, a pretty blush rising to his cheeks. He remembered now that the only clothes he had that might fit Mina were Laura’s, and even those were big for the bony creature waiting for his help in his bathroom.

“Hold… hold on a second”

Paterson drew in a shaky breath, fetched one of his sleep shirts from his bed drawers, strode to open the bathroom door and… oh God.

A trembling dry leaf stood before him. Only in her white crop top and equally white panties; Paterson imagined her cracking under the passers-by’s soles, giving in under their rough stumpings, each one leaving a stain on her weak frame. Paterson’s eyes descended to her bare thighs, and she kept her eyes on the floor.

“Jesus… Who… who did this to you?”

Her thighs were a hideous map, little red and yellowish scabbed dots and circles on tarnished, discolored skin.

She shrugged, eyes avoiding his. Why would he care, why was he so insistent, why couldn’t he just be like the others, why won’t he try something with her, on her, like she deserves… she would let him, this one, she would.

“Just help me with my top” a wobbly voice replied, but Paterson was already looking for something in his medicine cabinet.

“Sit on the stool there” His hands were shaking as he put the ointment and the bandages on the side and proceeded to wet a washcloth.

“Can… I?” He kneeled, and their eyes met. She kept silent and nodded and he thought the sparkle in her eyes was gratitude.

With infinite gentle touches, Paterson washed her thighs and legs, dried them carefully, applied the ointment and wrapped them in clean bandages.

Laura was watching in reverence. The scene exuded something religious; the saint washing the sinner’s faults. And none spoke a word.

Afterwards, Mina laid in white clean sheets, but for all the comfort she had, she couldn’t sleep the few hours separating the night from dawn. She counted the hours, watching the bus driver as he slept peaceful and soft; not so far from her spot on the sofa.

The domestic rituals, the warm clothes, the vanilla soap smell lingering, the nice buzzing of the fridge in a quiet space, and the dim light he kept on just for her… His… his kindness coiled her like sticky ropes. Mina was suffocating.

She got up, slid in her dirty jeans, but kept his shirt on, and with a final brush of his hair, she took his watch and slipped out of the quiet house, and the monsters took her in their arms again.

***

Recycled air and synthetic notes, shopping carts rolling and low, lustful giggles.

With his favorite brand of cereal in hand, Paterson’s food shopping was almost done for the day. He was just strolling, verses starting to form in the fog of his mind as he saw two forms melting in each other, just against one of the snack vending machines. A smile began to tug on his lips. Life was simple, young lovers making out in malls and supermarkets, in the streets and gardens; the boy handsy, in baggy jeans and a loose jumper, fake golden chains around black collar, the girl…the girl.

Paterson’s mind went blank, and verses fled away like frightened pigeons.

“Oi man, whatcha lookin’ at!”

The guy addressed a dazed Paterson, and the girl turned her head from off her lover’s chest.

In all the scenarios she imagined at night, curled up in the corners of the streets and between the brushwood of the parks , meeting him again while in the arms of another man was never on the list. It shouldn’t be like that, it wasn’t supposed to be like that. He shouldn’t think that she… but what was she anyway? She was everything he might think of her now.

He was so beautiful she wanted to bury her pain in his chest, between the threads of his regal hair. Curl all the hurt in a bundle and he would take it, in his large warm palm. He would know how to make it disappear, like by magic, vanish in thin air. With a touch of his finger pads, he could wash away scars; wipe away the purples and the blues and the burns. He was so clean she feared to touch him. He was so wholesome and she felt so queasy, so sickening she wanted to puke. Her hand skimmed the hidden pocket in her rat nibbled jean vest; the watch was still there, burning a hole in its worn fabric. She didn’t pass it on to Ian. It earned her new cigarette burns and a slap that made her nose bleed a little, but she had survived worse treatments.

“Who’s that, you know that guy? You do boring now?”

Carlos giggled, showcasing many missed teeth. He pinched her sides playfully, slapped her cheek playfully, squeezed her tits playfully, and she wished to die.

“Yo dude, wanna suck my dick? Ow no? Maybe a threesome? My chick here gives amazing head”

Oh, that again.

“See, not interested”

Carlos giggles sounded like gallows bells.

“I’m not your chick, for fuck’s sake!”

Mina screamed in frustration, pushed a stunned Carlos away, wriggled free from his sloppy hold, hand reaching out for salvation.

“I’m… I’m sorry!”

What she meant to be loud and clear, came out as a choked whisper.

But Paterson was already turning his back to her. This time he didn’t wait for her, not even a hum or a discarding hand, his long silhouette drawing away, swallowed by the light.

Life was going on, no complaints.

***

Mina was out, really out.

Even when she told him she wouldn’t play “pretend” with him anymore, Carlos still hung around for some time, and the money she could get from him she saved with scrutiny, starving herself to death. She never came back to the “pack”; her steps always took her to the quiet small house at the end of the stairs. She lurked there, watching when the lights went on, and stayed hunched behind shrubs and bushes, clutching the watch to her heart, listening to their combined tic tic tic… the mechanics soothed her, and she slept there every night.

Whatever happens, never sell the watch.

She started doing windshield scrubbing too, helped some nice grocery shop owners with their crates for some dollars, and by the end of the month she could buy a dozen cigarette packs and tissue boxes to sell in the streets. She was always hungry, but at least she could picture him in the back of her mind smiling, not disappointed in her anymore. He might not know, for now, but the thought was comforting. The thought was like a pier, supporting the bridge she was building towards him and she was sure she would reach him again, one day.

***

Sun benches at the curb bespeak another season, truncated poplars that having served for shade served also later for the fire.

It was Saturday morning. The rainy clouds of the day before blew over for a shiny crystal sun to come out. Excitement and expectations wired the air with buzzing electricity around Hinchliff Stadium. Kids and teens, middle aged and old people formed noisy groups, stomping on empty chips bags and placing bets.

Mina thought herself lucky when she laid hands on second hand baseball game tickets. Her wrist completely healed now, she roamed the area around the stadium, surfed the crowd, hands full, voice rusty from a cold she was nursing, over exploited vocal chords, yelling, trying to convince hurried passers-by to buy, by means of jokes and charms.

That’s when she saw him.

“Fuckin’ Carlos” a livid Mina stumbled a few steps backward, eyes seeking a gap between the crowds, quickly calculating her way out.

Fuck!

She could recognize Ian’s red sneakers anywhere. She thanked the heavens for his poor cover-up skills, giving her the high ground for a moment. She knew he could see her, but she took her chance. One group blocked his vision for a moment, and Mina took off her oversized leather jacket, let her hair down and started to walk slowly in the opposite direction.

She mentally counted to ten, chewing furiously on an overused gum, her hands started sweating. She knew that if caught this time, it wouldn’t just be cigarette burns on her thighs.

So Mina ran.

She ran aimlessly, not looking back, eyes closed and breath shagged. She could feel the adrenaline rush shot through her bones, just like every time she plunged her skillful hands inside the pockets of an oblivious passer-by, but this time there would be no euphoria of the gain waiting at the end of the road, just a sliced head.

Five minutes of sprinting and she couldn’t take it anymore, were her lungs that damaged? Fuck you Carlos, couldn’t keep his trap shut! Fuck! She was losing speed, she could hear Ian’s red sneakers batting the asphalt, tap tap tap, just behind. It was common belief that, at moments like these, the film of your whole life would flash back before your eyes, that the spool of all your wrongs would unfurl the threads that would wind around your legs and throat, choke you to death, drag you to hell. But Mina only saw two amber gems, Mina saw warmth and large, strong arms wrapping her in endless depths of comfort, and she felt peace descend upon her, Mina saw the future so she ran faster, and this time, with one destination in mind.

[thisonesforfanfic]

Light in the dark (1/?)

Buky x Reader

Author’s Note: This first part is more of an introdutcion to the character. It might just be boring. Also I have no idea on the warnings I should make, please let me know and I will edit it in <3

Summary: You are working as a nurse on an american camp in Italy. Waiting for your brother to come back from a failed mission, you meet Captain America after a failed show he did on the site. 

Word Count: 2.3k

P.S. I was inspired by @webslingingspiderling​, thinking of a prequel to one of their series. I might be going on a differeent direction later, though 

You were desperate to find him, to see him again meant everything to you at that point. Your brother had left for an infiltration mission and no one in the camp had heard anything in days, it didn't take a genius to conclude it meant bad news, you wouldn't allow yourself to lose hope, though. While taking care of some of the wounded that managed to get back, you overheard some of them saying a huge part of the batallion was taken, and were being held captive.

This was meant to be a pleasent surprise, you had asked to be transfered to where Y/B/N's unit was, so you could be with him since you were both serving the country in your own way. He was a great soldier, no doubt, your parents had raised warriors, but you were definitely the best nurse there was with the American troops in Europe.

"Who would have thought" Y/B/N said proudly while putting his hands on your sholder "the kids of an immigrant going off to war to save the country that saved him" It was the first tour for both of you, you were terrified to be separated from him, sad you were not tasked with the enfermary at his battalion

Keeping your head down so Y/B/N couln't see the tears coming "Dad would be very proud of you br-"

"Proud of us!" He quickly cut you off, while putting a stran of your hair behind your ear, then raising your chin to look in your eyes " I might be running of with a gun in my hand, but you are the one that will be keeping us in one piece after all" he cuckles "but in all seriousness, I count on you to patch my ass up"

"Well you better not need it!" you stated, starting to get angry just at the thought of seeing him wounded "I might be good at it, but if you ever need to lay on my hospital beds I will make sure you regret it"

He laughed at your threats, "You know I'll always make it back to you in one piece Y/N"

He'd better.

Pulling you out of your memories, you heard quite a comotion outside of the medical quarters, you stepped outside to see the soldiers rallying around the stage.

"Go watch it!" Megan, one of the few people you would call a friend, whispered to you "You need some distraction right now, you look awful, plus, from all the posters, that captain guy looks like quite the eyecandy" You laughed at her comment, Megan was always trying to pin you up with some handsome soldier, ever since she got married to some airforce big shot she was trying to find you someone on a rank.

You understood her point of view, to her you were alone, not counting on your brother to help you out from now on, she wanted you to be protected, but you didn't want to think about it, and you knew you could fend for yourself if need be.

"Alright mrs. Nurse" you said with a laugh, you liked calling people mr. and mrs. as a sign of respect, even if you knew them on a name basis, especially when it made people a little uneasy. Megan hated it when you called her that way, so you laughed as she stuck her tongue out "I'm going, cover for me, will you?"

"Of couse my mrs. Y/L/N" as she practically pushed you out the door.

---

The whole thing was terrible. That is, he was a good looking guy, and the soldiers loved the girls dancing, but damn, that show was meant to be played anywhere else but here. When Captain America ended his speech, you could see he wanted to burry his face on the ground, the soldiers were mocking him, soon enough they were throwing stuff and calling for the girls to get back onstage.

"Bunch of animals" you whispered to yourself, rolling your eyes as you walked to the back of the poorly established stage, wanting to see if the man was OK after those soldiers' behavior 'it might have been bad, but the man's just doing what he was told' you thought. You quickly spotted the soldier sitting on the steps next to a couple of empty racks.

"Are you alright Mr. Captain?" you approached slowly, trying to make him feel a little better but he barely moved, he was focused on the notebook he had on his hands.

"I'm fine maam, thanks", you could feel in his voice and posture he was pretty sad about the whole thing, but still trying to be as kind and polite as possible. You spotted the circus monkey he had drew, with the same costume he was wearing.

Poor man

"I don't want to be invasive," you continued, wishing to make the man feel better "- but you did probably just present yourself to the thoughest crowd at their thoughest moment this week, so don't be so hard on yourself" you offered the kindest smile you could as you took a seat by his side.

"I was stupid to not have thought that awful speech wouldn't worked here", the soldier finally picked his head up and looked at you "But why would you say this is their thoughest moment miss...?" He was eager to better understand his situation, while still being as polite as he could

"Y/L/N, mr. Captain, but please, call me Y/N".  

"In that case, drop the mr... Call me Steve" he said while offering his hand out.

"Well Mr. Steve" you shook his hand while wearing a grin on your face, making him smile briefly "unfortunately, those guys just lost a lot of companions, they are maybe a quarter of the whole squad that was sent out a couple of days ago" now your voice was starting to shake with the terrible thoughts of what could have happened to Y/B/N.

"I should've thought..." He whispered to himself as you sniffed the tears away

Strugling to put the smile back on you continued "Well, if it makes you feel a little less pessimist, some of the guys I took care of on the medic ward said a great portion of those men are being held captive at a Hydra base.... Although I'm starting to think I will never see Y/B/N ever again" the smile faded with every word that went of your moutht, you couldn't even pretend to be optimist at that moment, your world was falling apart

"Hey miss Y/N, please don't be sad, you'll see your love again" he said, while putting his arms around you trying to console you. You let out a small chuckle with the comment, lifting your head up from your hands to say he was actually your brother. he hugged you thighter, offering a shoulder for you to cry on, but you just let him hold you for a while, it felt nice to have someone, possibly a friend, that understood your pain at that moment.

"This was meant to be a pleasent surprise, you know" you started to tell him as you pulled away from his warm and comforting hug. "These are meant to be my last couple of weeks in service before going back home for a while... You see, since I'm an immigrant nurse, people would hardly ever let me know the location of his battalion, under the belief I could be a spy, so we have barely written eachother" you paused to take a breath before the tears took control of you." When I finally discovered where he was and stated, I asked to be transfered here, to see him, since I don't have a clue when he's going home, and a letter would have taken way too much time. But he- he wasn't here" a few tears streamed down your face before you wiped them away "To my misfortune, his name is on the missing or presumed dead of the 107th"

You saw the Captain's eyes widening "the 107th you said?" He had worry, fear and pain mixed on his glance. You could see the million thoughts racing through your mind, as if you had just shot him in the stomach.

"Yes, Steve" An unfamiliar voice came from behind.

A beautiful brunnette was standing right above the steps you sat on. Despite the confusion in his eyes, you could see she made him feel more comfotable just by being there. You immediatly stood up to leave, but your body wouldn't move another inch. You could tell, judging by her face and uniform she knew at least something about the soldiers.

Quickly galncing at her name stiched on the uniform, you asked "Mrs. Carter, I do not mean to be indelicate, but do you know anything about them?" Your eyes were filling with hope and your heart was beating so fast you could swear both of them could hear it.

"I am sorry my dear, but I am not allow to talk to you about it, you should go tend to the wounded now" She sounded very harsh, but you didn't think much of it, most of your interactions outside of the medic ward ended that way

"yes, of course. Goodbye mrs. Carter, mr. Captain" so you nodded and started heading your way, trying to keep the tears from falling

---

"Her brother is in it Peggy, she's just worried" Steve said as he watched you go wiping your tears "Bucky is on the list as well, isn't he?" turning to Peggy, he had pain, anger, sadness and confusion all mixed up on his eyes, hoping the woman had answers to any of his doubts.

"Unfortunately, I do not know much, but I know who might" She motioned for him to get up as she walked towards the commander's tent

---

The enfermary was awfully quiet, there were not many soldiers for you to help. Most of the injured you tended to had been either estabilized and sent home, or were good enough to get up in a day or two. The few that were still there at the moment were, much like you, waiting for a miracle. No other missions were conducted ever since the disaster that took Y/B/N, so you had little to do there, especially at night. All you could do was look over at those who were sleeping or usually too high on medications to make any sound.

You sat on the edge of a french sargent's bed, changing the blood soaked bandages he had on where his right leg sould be, when you heard footsteps coming closer to you. It was definetly Megan, she would usually come in the middle of the night to check on you, she even transferred with you to Italy because she worried about you not getting any rest, Megan was like the mom you once had.

"Hey Megan, go back to bed, everything's fine", you said, not taking your eyes away from the wounds,

Probably woken up by his screams, those pillows were the worst to muffle the sounds of pain.

"Y/N..." you recognize the soothing voice, still concentrated in your actions you responded.

"I was not expecting to find you coming in mr. Captain, did the british lady already break that heart?" You said in a playful tone.

"Steve, please" He chuckled at your comment, but said nothing else, waiting for you to finish what you were doing.

"Give me a second, I am almost done" He took a seat on the bed opposite to the one you were. Gently covering the wound and closing the bandage, you looked to the sargent with a warm smile "C'est fini". You got to the sink and washed your hands before walking over to Steve, you noticed he was wearing gear, which could only mean one thing, really.

"So, what are you about to do?" you askes while drying your hands on your apron, shaking your head in disbelief. You knew exactly what Steve was up to, you just didn't know how.

"I'm saving them... Peggy has called in a favour and I will be dropped off close enough to their camp"

"You can't be serious, all by yourself? "That plan was nonsense, you both knew it, but you also knew there was barely any other option.

"I don't think I have much of a choice, there might be as much as 400 lives there, and no one else is willing to sacrifice" He was firm with his words, no one was changing his mind at this point. You never thought someone would be crazy or brave enough to do something like that.

"Well in that case...I should to give you something" you pulled your skirt up to take the knife strapped on your leg, but the poor lighting in the room made the captain feel extremely uncomfortable, not understanding what you were doing. "Relax" you chuckled as his cheeks got visibly red, then placing the weapon on both of your hands and offering it out

"Take this, my brother gave it to me for good luck" He was impressed by the bone carved handle and was hesitant to even touch it

"Please" you insisted "I will be right here for you to give it back once you're done, I know it will help you bring them back, it's not a gun, but it is still pretty pointy" you raised your eyebrows, practically waving it at him

Steve took a deep breath "Alright, I'll take it" he walked towards you "for good luck!" You couldn't help but smile at the man you wished to see again very soon. You gave him a peck on the cheek

"Now go, miss Carter is probably going to be jealous of you spending so much time with another girl" You saw his face almost catch fire at the sound of your words. "Good luck Steve, you better come back in one piece and with that knife on your hand"

You smiled as he walked out of the tent, looking back at you for a quick salute, making you laugh a little before going back to checking vitals as your mind drifted to memories.