#so I'm gonna do my best to have good days anyway
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β‘ Ghostface Yandere HC β‘
Pt 1
π²πππππππππ οΏ½οΏ½οΏ½ππππππ: π±ππππ’, πππ, πΌπcπππ’, πππππ, Jill, Ethan
TW: Very Dark Themes, Blood, Murder, Noncon/Dubcon, Abuse, 18+ Mature Themes: DLDR
Divider by @strangergraphics
π©Έ Happy Valentines Day π«
πΉππππͺ ππ π πππ€:
β‘ Is a secret Yandere that isn't very good at hiding it but tries. He is obsessed yet doesn't show it till he can't handle how much he needs you
β‘ Has so many lyrics and written love notes about you stored away
β‘ Compares your relationship to Movie Couples and it gets progressively worse. "We're kinda like Chucky and Tiffany." you can take as joke. But soon "I think Jack Torrance had the right idea." or "I wouldn't be mad if you were like Anne Wilkes." starts to become...Unnerving.
β‘ Thinks you're so deep and different than the people of Woodsboro. Holds you to an impossible standard and gets enraged / hurt when you accidentally shatter his delusion
β‘ Tries to spare you from his Woodsboro Massacre but traumatized you regardless. Calling you and chasing you down in costume near or on that night almost like a sexual tease to himself
β‘ He never Sexual Assaults you despite the filthy, proactive, awful fantasies he tells you over the phone through the voice modulator. He has a massive Madonna Whore complex and refuses to look at you as the latter.
β‘ He trusts movie logic that pure virgins live; and you're not like those other weak sluts, are you? No, you are the most pure thing to him. His Angel that he can corrupt on his terms.
β‘ His Angel to pluck your wings and glue them back on while kissing your tears away. He loves you more than Horror Movies or his Mother or Revenge and he is NEVER letting you go.
β‘ In his eyes, it's only you and him in this town. You don't need family, friends, not even pets if they occupy more of your time than him. You don't need anyone else.
ππ₯π¦ ππποΏ½οΏ½οΏ½ππ£:
β‘ Flirts shamelessly in front of others. Even if you have a partner, he flirts and side eyes them the whole time. In fact, they're gonna come up dead soon anyways
β‘ A total yandere through and through that doesn't even hide it; it just gets played off as flirting or jokes. He plays the goofy, laid-back, cool guy but he cannot hide his emotions; especially his obsession for you
β‘ He could sniff your hair or steal your jacket and inhale it in private as if it's a lifeline and because he's such a funny cool guy; it gets played off for laughs. He can say, 'I'm totally gonna lock you in my basement.' with a goofy grin and everyone, even you, thinks it's a joke...He's dead serious behind that smile.
β‘ Manipulates you with gifts to make you feel bad. Anything you want, he gets. Money's no option for him, babe.
β‘ Weeks later those phone calls start
β‘ When he comes on too strong and you turned him down; the mask falls. He gets angry and insults you even making threats like 'you'll regret it'
β‘ He relishes your fear. It turns him on and he doesn't hide that fact. But his harmless scare pranks are lining up suspiciously with the killers whereabouts...
β‘ Once he chases you he teases you seductively with that knife. Loves the way your breath catches and you tremble. Ah, you're just so cute to him like this! All doe eyed and scared.
β‘ He gives you an ultimatum; strip for him and do what he says or die. He may have his own complexes but he didn't believe in the horror movie rules like Billy; he just needed an excuse to kill for fun. And you? You looked VERY fun...A different kind of fun than just killing.
β‘ He makes the experience orgasmic as it is primal like the real him comes out once the knife is in hand. Sure, maybe you'll cry from being violated, having his gloved fingrrs over every inch of your trembling form. You cry yet he gives you so much pleasure as he devotes his every touch to you. Best part? With that mask you don't even know it's him.
β‘ When you're traumatized he comes by later to 'Borrow something' and finds you crying and in turmoil over your body enjoying what your mind didn't
β‘ He comforts you and shhes you so tenderly as you cling to him. Promises Ghostface won't come back for you so long as he's around but you probably should let him stay the night just to keep you safe
ππππππͺ πΈππ₯ππ£π:
β‘ He wants no one but you. He'd only kill you if you forced him to and he'd make it the most pleasurable erotic death one could imagine and desecrate your corpse like a work of art; like a shrine.
β‘ He could be your dog at your feet or your worst nightmare; your choice.
β‘ He knows how to play up the goofy vibe to get what he wants but the second you irk him; his eyes darken and a slight sneer appears...He has to hide it. Can't have you knowing he's a serial killer. Not yet at least.
β‘ Another yandere that doesn't hide well
β‘ Met you in Film Theory and thinks you playfully debating him was foreplay. You want him so bad you're just being shy; he just knows it
β‘ Like Stu but less flashy. Gets you coffee, donuts or roses regularly
β‘ He's so good at disarming you. He knows how to be a good guy and friend, knows how to make the flirting disguised as playful banter, and yet...He can't quite hide the way he looks at you like you're a piece of meat he wants to devour.
β‘ Records everything about you You're his muse.
β‘ Takes you to all the parties and keeps you on his arm all night and the second he has a meltdown over you talking to a 'friend' in his eyes you see a side you don't like and try to get away
β‘ It's not long before a Ghostface shows up and drags you to the nearby wooded area near campus
β‘ He's too excited to not reveal himself and threatens you; be mine or every friend you have dies
βπ πππ πΉπ£πππππ£:
β‘ Takes Advantage of you in a way that feels like requited love to him. You were shuddering and sniffling back tears from being overwhelmed that's all. Especially while gagging on him slowly while he recorded you thinking you were the most magnificent being in the World.
β‘ Holds you while your spacing out at this predicament. Petting your hair with a smile as if you just made love because in his mind, you did. You'll learn to love him as he tells you in detail how he's killed people and how many to let it sink in how you better be good to him
β‘ Might even let you watch his 'video projects' including the one you just filmed on your knees crying and gagging on it as he whispers sweet nothings to you. He adores you.
β‘ A yandere that hides it well. Charming Director that just thought you'd be a perfect Scream King/Queen for his latest flick and NO ONE is the wiser
β‘ Pays extra attention to you. Pays for you to have the best dressing room, fresh fruit and flowers daily best hair and makeup and wardrobe. He treated you like you were an A-Lister.
β‘ Little did you know...Roman already knows everything about you and scouted you out on purpose for no other reason but thinking he was attracted to you and deserved you. No one deserves you as much as him
β‘ He becomes extremely demanding of your time even when everyone else is going home and definitely puts the moves on you in a subtle way while being able to apologize and reel it in just enough for you to feel silly for thinking he was anything but professional
β‘ He wanted a nude/semi nude scene with you in it you weren't sure about but after a lot of convincing; you concede
β‘ Has nothing but possessive, dark lust in his eyes while watching you perform; fires, yells at, kills anyone for looking at you or touching you too long even if it's in their job description
β‘ You try to talk to him after he went on a firing / yelling rampage and he gave a chuckle of barely suppressed rage that, 'You're my muse; NO ONE elses.'
β‘ You started realizing this was beyond unprofessional when it was too late and you were deep in this screening and contracts
β‘ If you try to quit? You see a heartbroken Roman that is nothing more than the tip of the iceberg
β‘ You soon get visited by Ghostface that roughens you up with bruises, cuts, manhandling, groping. You had a bloody lip he'll kiss better later and was getting choked and fondled at the same time and unable to get away. C'mon even if you were fighting it was all acting baby! He just knew you secretly liked it in his mind. Just like all those secret videos of you he recorded of your private life. He just knew you had to have seen the camera and played coy with him in his deranged mind.
β‘ He reveals himself after having some 'fun' and shows you a contract you signed that if you wanted to work in Hollywood again and didn't want to die you'd be in many of his films working close with eachother...He owns you.
ππππ βπ πππ£π₯π€:
β‘ She's a Yandere that teeters between being inconspicuous and obvious all depending on how much or how little she gets her way with you as her possession
β‘ You had been friends with her for a while and you always thought she was extremely sweet and understanding but very, very jealous. You couldn't be friends with others without her making an issue of it
β‘ Has whole collages, collections, heartshaped photos of you two as 'best friends'
β‘ She always strings you along and the second you've had enough of her drama she'll cry softly or beg and lure you back in. It's almost a game she finds endearing in her fucked up mind.
β‘ She never cared about Trevor, only you. You would never betray her like Trevor, would you? Of course not. She KNOWS you. She knows you better than you know yourself. You're just such a cute naive idiot she has to look out for in the world.
β‘ She leaves you out of the plan to get fame by killing. She doesn't even want you in the limelight together because it takes attention away from her AND...Why should anyone get to look at what's hers?
β‘ You see the cracks in her facade when you do something that 'wasn't part of her plans' and she has a complete meltdown in a way that leaves you reeling. Not even recognizing her as she rages, throws things, breaks shit and demands you stop doing whatever it is your doing
β‘ If you call off your 'friendship'? She'll kill you first. You belong to her. You're property at this point and If she can't have you? No one can.
β‘ Dresses as Ghostface, something she usually lets her lacky do but considers it good roleplaying foreplay as she hunts you down, beats the shit out of you from hurling you into things to almost killing you multiple times. After all, you're her's to do whatever to.
β‘ Takes off the mask glaring down at you while your on the ground. You made her do this. It didn't have to be this but you forced her!
β‘ Straddles you and strips your shirt off with her knife while kissing and biting all over you talking about having her way with you one last time before she hacks you up because a dead you that belongs to her is better than you moving on without her
β‘ If you convince her to let you live? You're hers entirely. From what you wear to who you hang out with...Oh, it's not so bad. Just think; once she gets away with it you and her can never do this Ghostface crap again and live happily ever after with her and only her
πΌπ₯πππ πΉπππππͺ:
β‘ Yandere disguised as a Golden Retriever that people would argue with you he's just 'clingy' or 'sensitive'. It's very effective.
β‘ Is devoted to you and no one but you. Makes you gifts, buys you things that remind him of you, offers you anything of his, frets over you constantly, tries to please you in anyway he can
β‘ His yandere side doesn't come out till he sees you talking to another guy like Chad too long...And you look over to see such a dark menacing stare. It didn't look like the Ethan you knew
β‘ Any arguments have him spiraling and screaming at you and breaking something that makes you jerk back in shock before he'll crumble in front of you to your feet crying and apologizing. Begging you to overlook his red flags. It was a mistake! That's all.
β‘ He keeps you attached to him for a lot longer than most because he's so incredibly good at guilt tripping
β‘ He needs you. He cannot live without you. His whole life is consumed in revenge and malice and you're the light in the tunnel for him. A day without you is like a day without sunshine
β‘ Calls or text you constantly and if you donβt answer? His text donβt get meaner, oh no, he just becomes Ghostface and stalks you
β‘ God help you if he sees you even with a friend or family member (hopefully a stranger or acquaintance) ignoring his text to talk to them
β‘ He's emotionally driven and cannot help when he attacks. Kills them and stalks towards you covered in blood. Once the mask is off you see just how deranged he really is. Going from threatening and lecturing you to smiling and saying how you both can be together and just DON'T shut him out ever again and everything will be okay
β‘ He becomes extremely tied to you. You cannot go anywhere or do anything without him involved. He loves you, don't you see it? Now, say it back or else; maybe you have too many other people near you taking up the love you should be giving to him? He can fix that.
#scream#stu macher#billy loomis#scream hc#scream imagines#scream imagine#mickey alteri#roman bridger#jill roberts#nancy loomis
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the little girl at the bus stop just had the most enthusiastic, info-dump-y of rambles about how the bus that's coming is "literally the best bus" bc it's apparently bigger than the others which you "can see from its shape" and how great this bus ride is going to be
#so precious I stg#I adore this child that I don't know so much#and the lil boy listening to her giving her all attention was also very precious#then again I'm in a good mood anyway since I get to leave at 2 pm instead of 3 since I started work at 6 am#which was mostly to let the electrician into the rooms he still needs to check and test#and my boss was very kind and nice in his response to my long message about all the bs at work with my colleague#so I have the go-ahead to refuse to join the meeting on Friday which is great bc that was the biggest worry#colleague lady was still in a shit mood all day and fairly rude when I asked her a question ABOUT THE TASK SHE WAS MEANT TO DO#BUT WASN'T DOING bc she was βbusyβ as always and being short-tempered with everyone#but oh well. not gonna ask her abt anything anymore unless it can't be avoided. may she stew in her own frustrations#I bought cookies yesterday on my long walk home past the lovely paeonias at the park#so I'm gonna do my best to have good days anyway#the other colleague I had a tiny bit of beef with bc he kept closing tickets prematurely and I had a nice chat#and have come to an agreement on how to avoid this issue from now on bc apparently he's also doing five jobs at once#so fingers crossed that works for us but either way no hard feelings which is nice
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Alternate Sonic Rivals 2 wherein the teams are as follows:
Sonic and Silver
Espio and Rouge
Tails and Shadow
Knuckles and Metal Sonic
for maximum hijinks, silliness, and incompatibility on all sides.
#I think Tails and Shadow would hit it off best tbh#Tails states in Battle that he respects Shadow and afaik Shadow's feelings on Tails are mutual#Espio would NOT be impressed with Rouge's manners and I think she'd love to try and be the biggest pain towards him like she does to Knux#though on the other hand they both have a mission-focused mindset so they can find common ground there mayhaps#for Knux and Metal I figure Knuckles is really suspicious of what Metal is meant to be doing and he goes along to ensure Metal behaves#I don't think he'd believe a possibility that Metal turned good or anything like that#they'd part with the worst feelings between them out of everyone#and considering Silver's behaviours in the Rivals games I think it'd take a WHILE for him to warm up to Sonic XD#but Sonic knows how to deal with frosty snappy people (like Blaze in Rush) so I think they could work something out there#as long as Sonic shows himself to be fully on Silver's side and supporting of his cause Silver will be willing to cooperate with him#except then SURPRISE he's gonna get injected with seventy-three shots of pure Power Of Friendship when he least expects it lol#Espio commits crimes for Silver; Sonic turns Silver into his Colours DS self over the span of like two days XD#anyway it has been an exhausting Christmas and this is what it culminated in in my mind#the chances of me making an actual fic out of this are honestly 0 I'm sorry#but it's fun to imagine how the teams would work and why they're cooperating when switched up like that ^-^
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first art post of the new year!!! granted, i don't share my art here that much anyway, butβ shhh.
hehehehhhooo,, here's something i've been working on for 'bout a month,, albeit not consecutivelyβ took a few,, very very long breaks in between working on this,, but i managed to finish it in the end! am i satisfied with it? .......ehhhh? not completely, but if this took any longer, it might not have seen the light of day, so like. Β―\_(γ)_/Β―.
anyway,, made a little poster for my favorite fic, tommyinnit's services for villains, vigilantes, and various other vagabonds, by @scorpionoesit!!! it's really really good,,, and i've always wanted to make more art for it,, so i decidedβ poster! at least,, that's what it's mean to resemble,,, dkdmkdmdkd.
i will freely admit,, i'm... not the biggest fan of the fan-made logo i tried to design for it,, feels a bit boring, and could definitely have used a bit more pizazz, something to make feel more like the fic itself(what does that mean? you figure that out),,,, butβ again, steam was running low,, dkdnksjs. graphic design is my passion. i do also have other complaints, but i'm afraid i already punched my one-use self-critique card,, oh well,,, dkdnkxjdkd.
regardless,, even with the flaws only i can really see,, this still turned out pretty okay!! hope you enjoy it, mx. scorpio and mx. alibi!!! and i hope everyone else has a wonderful new year!!!!
#my art#dream smp#services for vagabonds#tommyinnit fanart#tommyinnit#i don't wanna try tagging the rest of them so i'm just not gonna <3#anyway wrow i wonder who the skull guy and mysterious shadowy figure are....... could be anyone.#i was gonna try and fit in some sort of hero so i could check all the dots of everyone tommy's help#specifically either dr**m (derogatory) or phil#(was mostly leaning towards phil)#but 1) couldn't figure out a way to make it look good with the current set up#my first thought was to try moving the current characters around a bit; but then it would feel too crowded#my second thought was to have them appear from the smoke; somehow? a smoky figure?#but that only really looked good in sketch form and i didn't have the patience to figure that out properly#and 2) no clue what their designs look like. don't even know what their powers are; yet!#was also wanting to fit fundy in but it didn't work for the first reason#fun rapid fire character design facts: niki has a littol sharp tooth 'cause of the joker stuff!#i originally gave tubbo green eyes;; but i decided blue-green looked cooler#techβ [cough] i mean;; *orion's* cloak has a faint lil orion pattern on can barely see it but it's there i assure you !!!#(i tried my best for his design but i am. not the greatest at outfits;; especially hero/villain ones)#tommy has long hair bc it's *MY* art and *I* say he gets long hair. this definitely isn't canon to vagabonds i just like to do this#<- also why michael and tommy have freckles#tommy has a bit of green in his design(through the patch) due to a theory of mine :D#might have over-rendered the hair a bit but. fuck you i like it#anyway i think that's all i have to say about it? if you've actually read all these tags;;; have a cookie -> πͺ#pretend it's a peanut butter cookie#actually. no pretend it's both. you get two cookies. as a treat.#anyway have a good rest-of-your-day !!!!!!
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Father!!! π₯π₯π₯π₯
#caluuart#genshin impact#genshin#art#arlecchino#god she's just so. cool. pretty. ethereal. badass.#also I LOVE HER STORY QUEST SO MUCH!! I think it's definitely one of the best story quests in the game tbh.#wait uh arlecchino story quest spoilers below:#for one; the quest really gives even more depth to arlecchino's character. like yeah the whole thing is well. messed up.#it's an orphanage that raises orphans to be child soldiers after all. But it's also like. It's more.... humane? nicer? for the fatui anyway#which does bring me to the next thing. you know how arlecchino's like βif you're gonna leave the HotH you need to fight for it with ur life#I genuinely think that she's gonna just. straight up kill them. although it's not unlikely at all it turns out that (most of the time?) she#-just gives them a one trip to memory loss and set them free. which i do know it's kinda like death in genshin's lore but still.#I just find that pretty interesting.#also the cutscene where clervie says goodbye n stuff. It makes me cry EVERY TIME. ARGHHHH TRAGIC CHILDHOOD DOOMED YURI MY BELOVED :(((#clervie makes me so sad man. the fact that she just. accepts death. she really just let peruere kill her huh. crucabena when I fucking get#the hopelessness getting to her at that point. all attempts of freedom failed until that day..... GOD. and clervie finally getting closure-#-in the story quest as a spirit... I just..... man.........#on a lighter note :)#I got obsessed with a bloodborne OST LMAO. the uhh the lugwig boss theme. esp the sec phase one. it's SO GOOD. I first heard abt it in a-#-vid analyzing the ost musically. At the time i was like. woah. cool. what a cool sounding track. fast foward to like. a day before 4.6#I'm watching a genshin theory video and I heard the music in the bg. I recognized it but I couldn't remember where I heard it from#UNTIL I REMEMBERED. and looked it up. And I have not known peace since. good music.#anw I've been rambling too much so yeah. gn my dear fellows!!
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Anyway this is what I mean by I want to see Adam and Jesus talk
#graphic design is my passion#listen while I'm super excited to hopefully maybe see angels & demons in the GO universe actually form an identity that isn't just not#their adversary and start taking actions based on something other than a game of spiritual Telephone#the symmetry of human raised Antichrist averting the first Apocalypse with humans and the Human raised (and killed sure) son of God (possib#le part of the Trinity?) help avert the second one#I mean I'm curious how we're gonna get all of them vs all of us with Jesus so. π€·βοΏ½οΏ½οΏ½οΈ#anyway. I literally could not sleep without expelling this awful thing#I have leave in in my hair bc I left my shower to let it sit when I realized I was not gonna stop itching to do this nonsense#do not @ me#I only use MS paint and meme generator and I did my best#cmo's log#I guess#also I fought for my life to get transparent Jesus and I am could not get the freeform crop on paint to work not to mention my hands are#so unsteady they evoke the concern of strangers#I might regret this in the morning#and by mornign I mean presumably like 3p tomorrow when I wake up#I untagged this bc it should never see the light of day#ok actually just execute me#good omens
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#tw vent#ew yucky vent lmaoo#Love waking up in the morning to my dad#drunk#being accused of things making cry 5 times and hyperventilating when he hells at me for#crying#and saying should be grateful I have a dad#also love how he admitted to me he was shit#i defended him#he told me to stop and he could tell i was lying and that i hate him ( i dont) then later hes said the same thing#(didnt defend him that time) and he got super mad at me for not defending him and called me a bad daughter#he told me he could change if he wanted to but he doesnβt think there's anything to change#he's literally such a narcissistic it's insane#that day was wild#cried 6 times had a panic attack and relapsed after month crazy ass day#what do you mean you could've took me away to Albania without my mother and raised me like a Hitler but you didnβt because you're a good da#he was fine the next day though so idek i feel like i can't complain i feel like such a baby#he's like all you need to raise kids with is love i don't do anything for you guys (me and my brother) i don't know anything about you guys#but i loved you and look how you turned out! (my mother's doing love her shes the best) but also like saying u love me and then yelling at#me and mot caring about my life or putting in effort for me has given me a fucked up idea of what love is#and i also have no idea how to differentiate a good person and a bad person#so thats great lmaoo#i have hope though my mom is amazing a he's not that bad tbh he's gonna give me a really messed up view of trust ik cause i already have it#but it's okay lol I'll fix it all and it'll all be fine I'm still young and optimistic#forgot this also not to shit talk but why are you threatening your daughter if she breaks up you and your girlfriend?? when shes hasn't#done anything to indicate that she wants that in any way? why is it my job to save the relationship you messed up π#anyway bye lol peace :3
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hm. i do not remember the screenshot being this big hfvsh
#wip#i like this one the best and also.. it might be the best one Lmaofhvs#[points] its the He#this is also very nearly the final product hvfhs#i'm just gonna colour them a bit and then leave it at that :)#(i'm doing an expression sheet again :3 :D)#i'm drawing each of these individually unlike how i did with the bl.s ones cuz his funkin Hair likes to catch me out hbvfsh#//anyway i've been working on this thing for nearly a week ???#'keeps why' i have been. writing#i do So enjoy infodumping about this project hvfhs#plusss putting it in a little booky means people don't have to be bothered with me looping back and over myself lol :>#i just dunno where i wanna put it lol#wattpad makes the most sense.. but also mm i dunno hfhsh#i haven't really used it in forever...#oh i should update it though fr fr#/also Geeeeez what is happening to my writing HFH#like one day i can't stop overusing the world 'occasionally' and then next i sound sort of obnoxious overusing synonyms and stuff lol#though you know what it Has gotten easier to just get stuff down (even when my brain is pretty much dead !!) when i just ignore everything#i forget about hfvhs :D#cuz i forget like every 15th word and it screws w/ the flow but if i do [this] with a similar word for later it's so good :DD#/also why can i Never remember the word Conscience lmao#that's a little bit of a funny one to always be losing hvfsh#//anywho... woo.... :33#i'm gonna go do my stuff now... and prolly sneak a soda.... and if i do i'll prolly be back ranting because that's what caffeine does to me#Loll#have a very empty brain recently. it Has been full of lovey doveyness tho so not bad not bad hfvhs :D#okay bbbye now toooodles ciaaaoo see ya .u./
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π€
#exams did go fairly well#hopefully nothing worse than a B but i think an A is certainly possible in at least one of them#so hopefully π₯Ήπ₯Ή#i did study quite a bit not as much as i hoped for but a step up from my lack of effort the last few weeks#so hopefully i can get back to better routines now#i mean i do know probably many didn't study at all for these exams as they were not that serious#buuut if you want a good grade i feel like you have to at least i studied for like 2-3 days altough i would have liked to study for a week#also my schedule is just insane i think but then maybe it's just me idk#my time management is not the best but i still wonder how others would do with so many classes and extra activities#i have like 20 classes this semester + 2 exams i intend to take extra#i'm not attending all of them that wouldn't be possible and i'm not sure i can take all the exams but i'm happy if I manage like 17 or so#but like a normal amount is 10 classes a semester in my country but in reality most students don't take this many either#well i'm basically enrolled in two programms atm so there's that ig#but often i'm just wondering when i'm gonna study#i also play tennis a lot and competiting for my club (at a rec level)#and i'm training for this entrance exam for sports (i'm currently studying teaching with other subjects + English)#altough this is making me question if i'm fit for this everyday π« i'm fairly good at 2 things ball sports and just like general athleticism#we also need to dance do gymnastics and swim i struggle with all of them#i'm not fast enough at swimming and my technique is bad i can't even do a cartwheel and a bad dancer π#the requirements are really high though i mean when i think of people i know from tennis or football no one would even get there closely#like i was the fastest at my former football club (and at every uni football course) and i might just barely cut it for sprinting#and i'm really quite athletic when playing tennis my opponents always notice and coordinated in sports as well#but somehow coordination for gymnastics is not the same?π
how can i be so graceful playing tennis and most sports with balls but so clumsy#otherwise like doing a handstand... no balance π₯²#but anyways i also do like general fitness stuff going to the gym running a bit and trying to eat healthy#but my studying hours are very limited often tmrw i have uni from half 2 until 8pm in the evening and i have a preparation course for sports#before uni starts at half 10#i just really get the urge to drop everything sometimes π₯² i also wanna see friends again more not just at uni and in the bus#i miss my semesters with 10 courses a week it was beautiful so much freedom and free time π₯Ή#uni was so enjoyable back then... don't get me wrong i enjoy most of my uni courses what i not enjoy is not having any time to myself
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i have at least one other post queued with the tag 'save me persona 2' which is really funny to say about a game that regularly makes me feel nauseous when i think about it too much
#nauseous in a good why i hope that helps#story that makes me feel every human emotion and a lot like i'm dying#there have been days where i HAD to talk about p2 or i was genuinely going to vibrate out of my skin#shoutout to grace for letting me say the same thing 10000 times over and over again#i know its because the game is so inaccessible but not enough people know p2 and if it gets remade and ruined i'll actually explode.#i will end up on the news.#anyway. ummmmmmm hi i love persona 2 so much tatsuya my best friend tatsuya#and maya. ueueue. and jun and lisa and eikichi. sorry it's so good. it's so good. ITS OS> i'm gonna go lay down.#not pjo#chitter chatter#save me persona 2#might as well just use that tag now you know#i have shit to do i CANNOT think about p2 rn
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there are things that you don't do for a year or more and pick up just right where you left off and these days i fear loving you might be one of them
#double meaning on that but. yeah.#it's like. i haven't touched the imaging software i use for an entire year. soldering iron in decades. pick it right back up. to my surpris#muscle memory is crazy#i don't draw for months and pick up right where i was with a few sketches bc the work you put in stays even when you don't actively practic#when it's something you've practiced weekly and daily it sticks with you and ig that's good#but then it's like. the horrors. that haunt you. yk? what if a part of me will always save a soft spot for my ex. what then.#what if I'm fine now and I'm doing okay and i don't miss it and I think i'm okay moving forward and i see her and suddenly I'm on the floor#what if some part of me that was in love never really went away what if i haven't managed to kill all of it yet#bc i genuinely would not know what to do. i. i don't want to admit it but one of my worst fears is liking someone who doesn't like you back#and what's even more horrifying is if it's obvious. if everyone can tell. and usually I'm good at hiding it! (not really) but it's just. id#it's shame in liking someone who you tell yourself you don't want to like and you know you shouldn't. and not having control over it.#hoping praying that either she does something that turns the little switch in my head that sends her into the unforgivable category#or that i become straight. or that i become straight. mhm. yep. or ig the other option is i get a crush on someone new but like. mm.#i kinda have gotten w every person I've had a crush on since hs and i kinda don't think im ready for another rs so soon.#the baggage i just got is. hm. idk i kinda don't wanna unpack it. it's something that can easily be done if i had the missing pieces but.#i don't think I'm ever gonna get them. so. instead I'm gonna take. maybe another 3 months or 5 months or a year or a few. to just. slowly.#idek. it's just triggering old things. bringing me back to when i was 14. i never really got closure from that either. it took me 3 years.#I'm sure this time it'll go away faster but idk experiencing it a second time has a different feel to it. idk. it's weird.#it's like. idk. it's like you're watching it happen and you're not even there anymore. idk. i really don't know.#oh. I've been dissociating.#idk maybe it's for the best i really don't know i really don't know and everyone says i have to do what's best for myself but idk what is#my life is on track things are moving forward I'm doing better and healing but i can't escape the feeling of dread#something is going to catch up with me sooner or later and idk what it is idk at what intensity and idk if i will be ready for it#but anyway. when you love someone intentionally every day for a while. when does it go away? will it go away?#or will i have to live haunted by ppl who are alive but changed. so practically dead w/o the opportunity to mourn. for the rest of my life?#like i don't think i get it. loving this person was like. cooking and eating. intentional. ingrained into everyday life. effortful.#what if my mind does forget but my body still remembers. what then. what if it's like searching for sth you don't remember having anymore#ig I'm just trying to figure out how much to forget these days. how much won't hurt if it all comes back to haunt me#delete later
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complained to my psychiatrist that some of my meds are making it harder to focus and she started asking me questions about my functioning before I started any meds. well long story short, now I'm getting evaluated for ADHD,,,
#I'm also trying to quit some of the meds but its gonna be hard#im on three different pills and two of them are an antipsychotic and a tetracyclic antidepressant#which are notoriously hard to quit#anyway i think the problem is not the meds but the fact that i quit coffee when my thyroid went crazy#cause i started drinking it again recently and oh my god the difference#its like day and night#it doesnt make me more awake it just allows me to like. do things actually#also raises my anxiety which is not good#but i swear to god if its gonna turn out i had adhd this whole time#and it was just masked by autism and monster energy#im gonna be so mad#literally everyone in my life including my partner and my best friend have adhd#how could i have not even suspected it.......
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i am desperately trying to be more active but i'm experiencing mental burnout. just want to say thank you for the interactions even when i'm only checking in here now and again - i'll respond when i'm feeling better! <3
#nothing really happened - work and the house just got on top of me.#for context i was promoted to a management position in october and i hit my stride so i have a lot of responsibilities and i'm hhh.#having to play catch up in terms of skillset. i'm good at my job but i'm not the best - therefore ? i must keep pushing :y#as for home... Man (horse.jpg)#we bought a house a year ago. i envy people who renovate days after moving in. we're a year in and i'm only just redoing the kitchen floor#after a leak that happened in JUNE 2022. it's expensive as fuck and takes so much time.#i'm so fortunate to be able to afford a house but like. i won't lie. it's really hard having to be responsible for everything that goes#wrong with it. my kitchen has been subfloor for months. we destroyed our kitchen island trying to make room for the floor to be done#so we're down storage and stuff is just piling up. eh i know this is like. first world problem and really not a big deal.#but when your house is in disrepair because you don't have the money to fix it quickly or time to do it yourself. shit's hard.#anyway this is a rant. don't want a wrench or a tissue- just wanna get it out.#[puts on pantalone hat] i have money anxiety too#like i earn the most i've ever earned. i won't really get much higher than this atm. i'm due a bonus and i can cash out my shares#but fixing up the house is so expensive. i'm worried i'm gonna lose it all somehow. idfk why. when things are going well i worry i'm gonna#lose it all somehow. growing up poor does a number on your resource guarding. if i spend a penny I Will Lose It All.#' dima why do you like pantalone so much ' HE JUST LIKE ME FRRRR#sry this is a ramble . i treat tumblr tags like my diary but i hope you enjoyed the read xoxox#anyways! point is! i'm alive! i'm itching to come back but i dont have the mental space for fun rn.#can't have fun until i feel safe enough to have fun if that makes sense.#aight byeee
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I will feel so tired that it's like my atoms are coming undone and I'm being made unreal...and then I will have a little chocolate treat and for 15 minutes I am whole and present again. Then the horrors
#ramblings of a lunatic#i remember feeling like this at the peak of my burnout and fatigue before#(also the same burnout and fatigue that took my interests and creativity and ground them into dust)#so I've concluded that i will just try and make it through the next two days as best i can (I GET FANCY RESTAURANT FOOD ON WEDNESDAY)#and then I'll just try to let my mental and physical health recuperate while finding excuses to hang w/ friends#cause that'll stave off thr madness of isolation#i wanna watch my shows and movies too and I'll finally be able to w/o guilt after the last exam :cries:#anyway. if you've noticed an uptick in me just sayin shit recently (in a way that may or may not be cause for concern)#it's bc I'm so close to getting out of the mines that having to wait any longer is driving me clinically insane#i wanna downplay the problem bc it's truly not that big a deal in some ways#but then i remembered that this is a) the longest I've gone w/o seeing my pals in like. nearly a month#and I've been at home doing the same stuff everyday for nearly a month too#and also IT'S THE FINAL EXAM I'M EVER GONNA DO BEFORE COLLEGE. IT'S A BIG DEAL MAN#so actually. yes I'm a bit of a drama queen but my slice of life problems have a place for mediation and bemoaning#but it's fine. bc we're gonna kill it#I'm gonna do sooooooo good on this test (<- manifesting)#it's. a little high pressure bc the last time i did a test for this subject (that I'm generally very good at) i majorly beefed it#but I've learned since then and I'm hoping. praying. also working hard but mostly hoping and praying#anyway. I gotta sleep soon bc i got so little sleep last night bc of the heat that i almost started crying at breakfast#LET'S GO LESBIANS (the lesbians are me. it's just me talking into a hall of mirrors)
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was talking to my mom about how the adoption process worked when they adopted my brother and man some people truly are just scum
#all of their process was basically public? since there wasn't a private institution back then (not sure how it is now)#so it was basically women who were 100% sure they were going to give their baby away no matter what#and then when the day came they were like noo i'm keeping the baby (which should be good right?)#and then they would do a follow up and turns out there was no baby because they were basically sold illegally#obviously to people that were not from chile#because what um hospitals? no it's not hospitals but adjacent i guess#what they would do is that they would have a program basically were pregnant women would be like hey this kid once they're born?#i'm gonna abandon them basically. so they hospital would get in contact with the social service#the social service would contact people that wanted to be parents. the they would come and there was no baby because they were sold#obviously didn't happen to my parents but what did happen was the social service lady asking them#if they wanted to see the kid first in case they ''didn't like him''#and my dad being my dad got furious because what the hell that's my kid no matter what#and the sad reality was that a lot of adoptive parents would like to look at the kid first to see if they liked them as if they were what#a fucking couch#anyways. everyday i'm more thankful for how open my mom is about this whole thing and how it was#she still has the name and all the info of my brother's biological mother in case he wants to contact her again#(which hasn't happened since he had his very big and bad bipolar crisis)#but yeah idk i admire my mom a lot she's always trying to do what's best for everyone even if sometimes it comes out a little harsh#b.txt
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Youβre 26, itβs time to mature a little bit.
LMAOOOOO what does this mean ??? ππ
Sorry you can't post goofy shit anymore you're twenty six. Didn't you know being silly past the age of 25 is a crime and a slander to society? You'll have to stop right now mister, or i'll call the cops!!!
#unless you're referring to moving forward with my personal physical and mental health#it's all going smoothly so i appreciate your concern if that's where you're mind's at#the road to recovery is a rocky one i won't lie. i'm still smoking weed and drinking beers#but i don't smoke cigarettes anymore#and i'm moving out of the place i share with my gf bc we broke up so i'm gonna be in a much better environment#new orleans (where i am now) is like another world#but i'm doing my best and i take 2 anxiety and depression meds so i'm way better mentally than i used to be!#but if you're talking being goofy as hell i'm sorry bro you're gonna just have to hit that little unfollow button βοΈπ₯Ί#i love u anyway anon have a good day
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