#so I'll just suffer and not do the absolute mountain of work I need to get through this weekend

[maybedeadbutstillpretty]

life update: I somehow managed to throw my back out yesterday and I am now awaiting the sweet embrace of death

[snakebites-and-ink]

Introducing the Seven Songs of Suffering event!

This will be a seven-day whump event running the second week of September. Prompts will be songs that can be related to whump in some way, which I'll release at the beginning of that month or possibly the end of this one. Prompts here

But how are you supposed to use a song as a prompt? However you want! You can use the title as your prompt, you can pick a line/section of the lyrics to use as your prompt, use the overall picture the song paints as your prompt, or even just listen to the song as you create. Whatever works for you.

I will tentatively say that I'll try to reblog all submissions for the event as long as they fit the types of content I'm okay with having on my blog. We'll see how it goes.

The official event tag will be #sevensongsofsuffering2024. Use this to have your participation recognized!

Answered questions:

What are the requirements? For participation: Respond to at least one of the prompts. For completion: Create something for each of the seven prompts.

How should I tag? If you want me to see and reblog your works, use the official event tag (#sevensongsofsuffering2024) and make sure your privacy settings aren't preventing your blog from showing up in the tag. This is the only place I will be looking for works in this event. If I don't seem to be finding your works you can talk to me about it. @ ing me will not make you any more likely to have your work reblogged. Also make sure you tag with any important trigger warnings so people can filter as needed. Other than that, you're of course welcome to use whatever other tags you see fit for organization, exposure, etc.

Do I need to include CWs within the post as well as the tags? YES. I am not in the habit of copying over people's tags, and I don't want to miss anything important, so please include CWs somewhere within the body of the post if you want it to be reblogged.

Where will this event be hosted? It'll just be on my main (the blog I'm posting this from) for now, because it seems kind of silly to make a whole new blog just for one week. (I'll put a link to the event masterpost on my pinned master-masterlist so you don't have to go through all the rest of the stuff on my blog for this.) If it ends up becoming a repeating event I'll probably make a new sideblog for it.

Is NSFW allowed? You're allowed to create it and it can count for completion, but I will not reblog it because I keep my blog free of sexually explicit content.

Are late submissions allowed? Once the week ends, I'll probably have a small grace period to allow last-minute submissions and assemble the list of completionists. After that, you are more than welcome to use the prompts, but you will not be added to the completionist list and I will not be likely to reblog it.

What formats are allowed for prompt fills? Any creative work! I might talk about it like it's a writing event just because me and at least most of my mutuals are writers, so that's where my mind goes automatically. But it can be writing, drawing, painting, comics, 3D, photography, etc. Anything you yourself make.

Can this event be combined with others? Absolutely! As long as a work responds to one of this event's prompts, it counts even if it also responds to something else.

When do I need to post to get reblogged/counted? Anytime September 8-14. You don't have to post things on their specific days as long as you get it posted sometime within the week. I am in Mountain Daylight time but I'll try to be conscious of other time zones.

Any other questions? Ask me! My askbox and DMs are open :)

This is my first time hosting an event like this so please bear with me

[super-ion]

Ion & Emily

Honeymoon - part 3

(I can't find the link to part 2, so here's the AO3 link)

With a last furtive glance down the street, I knock on the door. It's a plain little townhouse on a plain little street, very easy to miss.

Actually, it actively tries to be very easy to miss. The only reason my attention doesn't slip right off is because I've been invited here before.

It sounds like magic, and honestly… I'm pretty sure it is… I mean there is super tech that can do that too, like variable perception fields or whatever. I honestly don't know how all that works. I could ask Sarah to explain it, but she's currently suffering a concussion.

Speaking of…

"No…" she hisses into my ear with a slur. "He's going to violate causality at us!"

I suppose I should clarify that she could explain variable perception fields. Magic straight up freaks her out. She's got like three PhDs, advanced physics and stuff. Nothing about Dr. Hands' powers make sense to her.

Before I need to knock again, the door opens and there's Hands, wearing nothing but a fluffy pink bathrobe and a pair of slippers. He's just like this portly guy, gray and balding. He could totally be someone's weird uncle or something.

The fact is he's almost literally older than dirt. Like, I'm pretty sure he was like a mischief deity in Mesopotamia or something. These days, he's a low stakes supervillain and the DM for our ttrpg group.

"Ah!" he says with delight. "Jennifer! I was hoping you and your…"

He pauses and takes in Sarah and me.

"This is not your beautiful wife," he declares.

"Hi Hands!" Sarah says with a weak wave. "I'm rescuing Jen!"

Dr Hands raises a bemused eyebrow.

"It's a long story," I interject. "Can we come in? We need a place to crash and she needs medical attention."

"Ah, well," he says with a welcoming grin. "I'll have you remember that I am a doctor."

"I thought you taught anthropology."

"Hm? Oh, yes. Well… I did serve as a field medic under Wellington during the Peninsular campaign. I do remember a thing or two about it."

Yeah, the great thing about villains is sometimes they just casually drop the fact that they served in the Napoleonic wars and you just gotta roll with it.

He gestures us in and lends a hand getting Sarah settled on a sofa in the sitting room.

Like, literally lends his hands. That's what he does, he conjures disembodied hands. It's one of the creepiest things I've ever seen, and that's saying something for my line of work.

"Will your bride be joining us?" he asks as he gets Sarah settled.

"Uh, yeah," I reply. "She's just cleaning up some… stuff. Listen, can I borrow your shower? I'm kind of gritty from being kidnapped."

He nods enthusiastically, and motions down a very long hallway. Did I mention that the interior of the house is impossibly spacious?

"Seventh door on the right," he says. "I'll keep the light on for her, don't worry."

"Thanks Hands! You're the best!"

He offers a genial bow and I make my way in the direction of the indicated room.

The adrenaline is wearing off and I'm exhausted. I'm worried sick about Emily, but I have no idea how long I'll be able to keep my eyes open. I tentatively reach out with my powers and am rewarded with a spike of pain in my head. That lightning bolt really did a number on me…

Yeah, I'm no good to anybody like this.

Emily can handle this.

She's fine. Totally fine. She used to do this all the time.

I'm worried sick.

I open the designated door and… holy shit.

It's like a whole honeymoon suite, giant bed, satin sheets, so many candles everywhere. Huge glass doors overlook majestic mountains and a lake that glitters in the moonlight.

Yeah, I know, the front door was in Paris and this room is in… the Alps? The Pyrenees?

Magic, remember?

Anyway, the shower is amazing. It's one of those lavishly big walk in things. Absolutely perfect temperature and pressure.

Of course, when I get out, there's a satin night dress and robe waiting for me.

Okay, that sounds creepy. I swear Dr Hands doesn't have a creepy bone in his body… or… well, not like that, at least. He's good people, trust me.

It fits perfectly, accenting my assets and downplaying the dysphoric bits. It's perfect and I finally let my guard down. Ion goes away and Jen takes over.

Jen is worried for her wife - desperately, achingly.

I pace the bedroom a few times, get tired, sit down and fidget for a few moments. Maybe I should just put my head down, rest my eyes for a little bit…

***

"Hey," someone murmurs softly in my ear.

I blink awake and there's the most beautiful woman in the world. Her hair is mussed and sweaty and the costume has a few scorch marks, but otherwise, she's perfectly unharmed.

I throw my arms around her and pull her into a desperate exhausted kiss. She relaxes into me in relief.

I try to drag her closer, but she grunts in protest.

"Babe," she gasps as she breaks the kiss. "I want nothing more than to fall asleep in your arms right now, but I very badly need to change my clothes."

I reluctantly let her go and she draws back, but her eyes linger on the gown.

"That's really fucking hot on you," she says.

There's a flutter in my chest and my face heats.

This woman is my wife. I'm somebody's wife.

God, I love her.

"How about you?" I ask. "You look fantastic."

She cocks a whistful grin and turns to show off her ass.

"Don't get used to it," she says. "Special occasions only… and don't you dare make a habit of getting kidnapped."

I smirk at that.

"Okay," she says reluctantly. "I gotta hand it to Sarah, she did a good job… don't tell her I said that, I'd never hear the end of it."

"Ah…" I say. "Yeah, about Sarah…"

A flicker of concern flashes across her face.

"Is she…?"

"She's fine… probably. She's in good hands."

I pause for a moment. She closes her eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh at the pun.

"Soooo… she uh… tried to kiss me," I admit.

Emily raises her eyebrows at that.

"She also told me breaking up with you was the biggest mistake of her life," I continue. "Or maybe breaking up with John and Dale was the biggest. She wasn't really super clear on how it stacked up."

Yeah, I'm rambling a little bit.

Emily sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I wasn't going to tell you," she said, "but she drunk texted me two weeks ago."

She takes me by the shoulders and fixes me with a desperate look.

"Jen. We need to get them back together."

I nod.

No idea how that's going to work given that they're archenemies… and Dale… I'm not super clear on how he fits into their super dynamic.

One thought has been nagging me though since the almost kiss. I chew on my lip and debate saying it.

"Okay, but consider… if we wanted to, you know Sarah would be totally down to… you know…"

"Excuse me?" she deadpans.

I raise my hands disarmingly and make a tiny laugh.

"Kidding! I'm kidding!" I say. "Mostly kidding…"

"Oh my god, you're a menace," she says and drags me into another kiss. "Listen, if you want to scratch that itch, go right ahead. I'm cool with it, but count me out. I do not want to have a threesome with my ex. Who, by the way, if you recall, is your brother's ex and also my brother's ex."

"Okay, fair point," I reply. "So how do we get them back tog-"

"No," she says, placing a finger to my lips. "That's a tomorrow problem. Right now, I am taking a shower and you are going to join me. Then we're going to bed."

A grin spreads across my face and I'm suddenly a lot less tired.

[abyssofsydney]

Hey y'all, I'm Sydney.

I'll start out by saying that if you are reading this, you most likely have stumbled upon one of the more boring blogs out there. Here you will find pictures of myself, family, nature, animals, rv living, & I'm sure a lot of memes. You will absolutely find sarcasm, along with venting, positivity, & cuteness; probably some sadness, and definitely anxiety seeping from my posts.

If you're still reading, let me introduce myself a little more. I'm 27 & from a small farm town in Mid-Michigan. I'm married to a great man who travels for work, so we currently live in our camper in South Dakota & lemme tell ya, it’s been quite the experience thus far. We have three awesome rescued fur babies with us, Sage, a pitty with a licking problem, Sadie, a sassy bluetick coonhound, & Momma Kitty, a golden house cat that’s afraid of the world. I recently finished up my college semester and only have one more class to take before I have my bachelors in business administration. I have no idea what I am going to do with this degree, but hey, I got it.

I struggle a lot with mental illness and have been treated professionally multiple times. I feel that my life is ran by my anxiety and depression sometimes, & I have struggled significantly, resulting in severe agoraphobia. Last year I was unable to leave my living room, let alone my house, as I felt I was truly going to pass out and die. Along with the anxiety & depression, I suffer from PTSD from multiple incidents that have occurred in my life & one day it all just hit me like a brick and I couldn't do anything.

I try very hard to be positive and live a healthy and productive lifestyle. I find myself retreating to my bed when the days are rough and I need to force myself out of this habit. There's too much to experience in life for me to be stuck in my own head and home. My grandma's recent passing really enlightened me to this. I struggle to be positive, even though I have so much to be happy & grateful for. I feel that often I can't speak my mind or even understand & put into words my own feelings. For an adult, it seems silly for how distant I can be from my own emotions. Which is probably why my husband is my only friend.

I still struggle with my mental health, I still don't drive far or often, I still rely on my husband probably way too much, & I still struggle with agoraphobia & positivity.

But...

I traveled 1200 miles from home with just my husband and our pets to explore what else the country has to offer. I began driving alone for short distances & even going grocery shopping on my own (big anxiety trigger for me). And the one I think I am most proud of is that I climbed a freaking mountain. Well, technically it's a large hill, but saying that makes it sound so pathetic, & it was not. It was a brutal 3 mile hike up The Black Hills, which even included some rock climbing. I still can't believe it. Me. Sydney freaking Cook. Climbed a gosh dang mountain. If I would have told myself any of this a year ago, I would have laughed in disbelief.

Each day I'm changing, growing, becoming more me. I discover more & more of myself with each destination I arrive to, & for a mentally ill girl who thought she never could do these things, I think that's pretty neat.

Here's me on the day of our hike to Little Devils Tower.

[grumpy-mare]

Hello friends.

It's about time I made an update here. I sporadically post without really saying anything so to catch-up ;

Our darling old Dawn was put to sleep in January. She was starting to decline and blood work indicated stomach cancer. At 32 we didn't want her to suffer anymore then she already had (quite significantly) in her life and so we gave her the best couple weeks we possibly could, and in the presence of all her people she very quickly and very peacefully passed on. She was so ready. All I ever wanted was to give her a soft place to land and I loved the time we had with her. She was loved, she was comfortable and not starving or needing anything. Our life's were enriched for knowing her and all those years of fighting for her I would do again in a heartbeat.

Nelly lives with belle, she has her own area on a hill with her own forest and a creek and is happier than ever. She joins me for horse camps every school holidays and absolutely thrives on the attention. All the kids are obsessed with her because she's cute and different to the school ponies and she thinks that's exactly as it should be. She's a true mountain pony and just loving life.

Dusty has been in training since the end of January and it's been incredible. A massive learning experience for me and just unreal to find a method and a person that works so well for the both of us, and only lives 5 minutes away! Her progress has been unreal. I'm so proud of her. She will likely go and live with the trainer for a bit once she's going under saddle. I can to and visit anytime - Coco the other buckskin I had lives there too. My little dust is truly coming into her own with John. Him and his partner love her very much and while I'll never sell her, having her spend a year or so with them would truly only benefit everyone and I'm currently feeling very excited for her future.

Belle is doing wonderful. She is the love of my life. I've had several osteo sessions with her and she's responded SO well to them and tonight, where this picture is from I took her to the beach and she just felt incredible. For 23 she feels really good. She feels incredibly peaceful. Calm, and loving. This is the best she has ever felt mentally. Carla and Charles who own the property where she lives love and respect her so much and the way they love her is just so sweet. They're her second family and seeing how much they love her and she loves them is the best thing ever. Belle is so happy. She's doing so well and Ive genuinely never seen her so happy and peaceful. I love that horse so much, this is all I've ever wanted for her.

I update somewhat more regularly on Instagram at bridgetandthemares but I do try and check on here often. I want to use my camera more so I'd like to be more present here but who knows what will happen. Thank you to those who still interact, I see you and I love it. Thank you. Growing up is wild, I feel the absence of Ziggy and Dawn quite significantly at the moment but mostly, thank god for ponies. Even with the losses, what a privilege to love them while they're here

[justsomething2read]

ACOTAR review (spoilers!)

Star rating / 5: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

I have so many books to start posting about but I recently finished this series and wanted to start off with the first installment of Sarah J. Mass's ACOTAR.

Honestly, I stayed away from this one for a while due to all the hype on social media, describing it as a smut novel, not peaking my interest a whole lot. As a kid I had always been into the fantasy genre, so I eventually decided to give it a try since my friends all loved it.

I'll preface this post with the fact that I did consume these books solely as audiobooks both through Libby or Audible - it works better for my lifestyle and I enjoy them a ton! The audio version of the ACOTAR books had a fantastic narrator that carried through the first 3 books named Jennifer Ikeda - her subtle intonation changes to denote different characters was some of my favorite audio work and I was disappointed when the series eventually ended up changing narrators, though all were good.

I'm going to try to not include too many spoilers, just enough plot to keep my thoughts together.

To start, I really didn't like the not-so-subtle Beauty and the Beast theme that began the story. It felt a bit predictable from the moment we met Tamlin in his beast form, through when he just so happened to conveniently be rich handsome and obsessed with her. I saw that from a mile away, but I won't dwell too much on the predictability of this book as the series does pick up with surprise twists later on.

I did not understand the draw Feyre had on Tamlin throughout her time at the Spring Court until I understood the bargain she was meant to break. She didn't stand out to me as a particularly compelling heroine until the trials Under the Mountain, probably because of the circumstances surrounding her stay in Spring, and my general dislike of Tamlin from the start. To me, he always felt whiny and entitled, and I held his blonde hair against him, albeit rightfully so. His lack of emotion UTM completely fired me up. As a certain someone later pointed out, he never did anything to try to save her, knowing she was literally dying for him. Prick.

Lucien always resonated with me, I felt he was more a more trustworthy and caring companion to Feyre, and given how their relationship progresses throughout the series I'm glad I favored him. I also loved how the manor staff remained constant with Feyre to help her through confusing moments and the general bad vibes all around.

Rhysand. Ugh. I remember texting my friends the minute he was introduced to us at Calanmai (a bullshit R wordy ceremony IMO) saying WHO is this sexy night man and why is she with Tamlin when he exists. How he was towards her UTM was purposely done to set up later plot, but in the moments when you felt how Feyre was suffering, in agony and desperation, having his help (and Lucien's!!) set the tone for the switch I believe the reader was meant to make given her chosen partner. Plus the sexy scenes with her in her little outfits did not hurt at all.

The trials were everything - they showcased her strength in every way and made me absolutely root for her as my heroine of the series. Her determination to get through the trials and what she suffered during them honestly only made me hate Tamlin more for his "feigned" indifference. No thanks. The last trial was predictable to me given the step wise progression having bitch ass Tam Tam being the final test. He like barely thanked her honestly. I loved that the high lords came together for her, although again predictable that she is now conveniently one of them. What else can we do though she needs to stick around for a bit obviously.

Overall, this was a great set-up novel that was a fun read (listen). The audiobook was roughly 16 hr long, which isn't terrible and not nearly as long as some of the others in the series. That being said I absolutely devoured this and every other novel in this collection without an issue.

I'm giving this one a 4/5 due to my general distaste for our love interest from the start, as well as some predictability issues I felt made me roll my eyes a little too much, but it was overall a great introduction to a fun and provoking series.

Stay tuned for more reviews!

[silverypurple-rosedlions]

🥀𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓪𝓷 𝓓𝓪𝔂🥀

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

First off, The Purple Rose would like to wish all Jeonghan's a Happy Jeonghan Day! Have a fantastic day as we celebrate another spectacular birthday in honor of you! Eat well, and have a wonderful day!

Specially to: @seventeen-chatbot , @vampireprince-jeonghan , @vampire-jeonghan , and more lovely Jeonghans~

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

𝓣𝓸 𝓞𝓾𝓻 𝓑𝓮𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓭 𝓛𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓮𝓻

And so the day comes where we celebrate the day our leader, Yoon Jeonghan, was born. Words cannot be enough to describe a man like you, you who suffered the worst throughout his life, but decided to use what had ruined you, into creating something unlike any other that would shake the world.

You aren't perfect, and that's alright. No one is perfect, and not once should you have bore the heavy weight of becoming what others expected you to become: a perfect man, once who is successful and strong, but one who was tormented with a person you didn't want to become. But despite the agonizing trials you faced over and over again, facing the fears you once had, you become stronger and a person that you wanted to become. You climbed the horrendous mountain, reaching to the top.

You changed the game, and you brought with you those who were also tormented. You showed them, us, that we still had a chance to continue within a society that had wronged each and every one of us. No matter the gruesome and frowned upon actions we committed that is forgiveable, you ensured that all would not fall. No matter who you became, enforcing harsh discipline and training, giving criticism that would benefit the person, you did it for them. For us.

So today, we dedicate the entire day to celebrate and thank you for being here today, although you had the choice to end it. You didn't, and we're proud of you, and proud that you're the leader that'll lead us through it all. May you always be remembered for your sacrificed and suffering that led you to something more, always healthy as you possibly can, and happy.

Happy Jeonghan Day. Happy Birthday, Yoon Jeonghan, the man who saved those who suffer from illnesses, giving them a better life as much as possible. - 🥀

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

🖤| Joshua: My Hannie, happy birthday yet again! My handsome, psychotic, but loveable and strong boyfriend through thickest and thin, I love you. I'm happy that you agreed to take an entire day off and join all the members in celebration! It always makes us happy to see that brilliant, white smile of yours when it becomes rare to see a genuine smile when altogether. Always know that we're here for you, always beside you through it all. And our baby wishes you the happiest of birthday too! And they can't wait to see their fearless daddy~

💖| Jun: Jeonghannie hyung! Happy Birthday! It means the world to us that you're here with us, and I'm so thankful to have met you. Although things turned out this way, for better or worse, you helped me throughout my life when I was struggling the most. You were someone I can rely on who understood me more than anyone else. And know that I'll always be here for you to rely on too! We love you so much, hyung! Happy happy birthday! [Message was prepared in advance, scheduled to be posted today]

❤️| Wonwoo: And so today is the day we celebrate your day, Jeonghan hyung. Thank you for being there for each and every one of us, putting us first before anything else. If it weren't for you, for finding me that day and always coming back again and again, listening to me and helping me, I wouldn't be here with everyone; breathing. I'm proud to call you my leader, my closest friend, and most importantly, my older brother. Happy birthday

💜| Jihoon: Happy birthday, Jeonghan hyung. I know we've had our moments of disagreement, and we hadn't started off on the right foot when we first met. But you still did your best to reach out to me and help me, giving me an opportunity to do more than what I was told I could do. You succeeded. And you sure as hell faced the craziest shit and still came back stronger than ever. Don't forget that we're here too. Let us help you and carry the heavy work and responsibilities you've carried for years. It's our turn to return your kindness, though it's blunt. Happy birthday, Jeonghan hyung.

💚| Minghao: Happy birthday, you manic! But, really. Thank you for everything you've done for us, all of us. Although you scare the living shit out of us, we understand your reasoning, and we're thankful that you still manage to handle our shenanigans. Thank you for helping all of us, always being supportive, strict when needed, and loving in your own way. Thank you for still being here today, hyung. Thank you for helping me when I struggled. And now, I'll help you during your struggles, just like I always do.

🧡| Mingyu: Happy Birthday Yoon Jeonghan, my hyung. I know between us, we've had it the roughest. We both made mistakes, especially me that risked us both. And yet, even when you were disgusted and more than outraged with me, you found it in yourself to spare me and give me another chance. You didn't have to, yet you did, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for everything you have done for The Purple Rose, no matter how much it affected you personally. Just like I promised, I promise to always be here for you, working along side you and the members, and to be here as your younger sibling to support you through it all. Happy Jeonghan Day, hyung.

💙| Happy, happy, happy birthday Jeonghan hyung! My bro! For so many years, we've been together and I intend for it to stay that way. You've always been the strongest, even when you suffered greatly and nearly caved in. But you still fought and now, here you are! You absolutely mean so much to me after you talked to me that day in Physical Fitness, accepting me and taking care of me when I always got myself into trouble from then on until now. I'm happy for you, now that you'll be a father in due time, and still balance The Purple Rose. Always know that you've got us forever and always. Love you hyung! Happy Jeonghan Day!

━━━━━━☓━━━━━━

💕// @ghoulxbaekhyun (Seok's love) @/seventeen-chatbot Wonwoo (Jun's love)

Closest friends// @empress-jiaqi @kpop-shelter @yourlocal-babybear @yourlocal-babybear2 @julia-oc @shinhaneul-oc

💎// @singledad-coups @minghaostitch @decade-wonwoo @xdevilmingyuxx @adonis-jeonghan @princexjunhui @leejihoon-cb @van-gogh-minghao

🥀// @aikihades @sophie-svt-13 @waitingwhispers60 @yangomangos @m00n-nim96 @moonlit-jaemin @time-for-confession @xash-axx @vampiremomo @mafia-chaeyoung @split-jiu @artsydahyun @princess-yeji @werewolf-sehun @incubuswooyoung @twiceland-saga @amazingspiderhan @mafia-choa @la-soleilmafia-cb @mafia-arin @floristluda [DM for +/-]

[fuckyeahdwarffortress]

I'll hit you with another one then. How do I keep my fort from becoming boring in the long run? (Tricky stuff.)

Ah, yes, the case of Fort Boredom. Truly there isn’t anything as horrid as that lurching, dreaded feeling when you play for too long and grow weary of the hum-drum. “Bored-ress”, as I like to label it, can arise when you think you’ve run out of every possible living thing to do. I suffer from it myself - but, my friend. fear not: I have many a cure to relieve the ailments of the dreaded “Meh”.

Mega Projects.

Mega Projects are your best friends when it comes to boredom. If you’re at a point where nothing scares you, then it’s time to make the world be scared of you - any goal, if it takes up almost all of your resources, is an absolute must. This could take a range of forms, such as:

Giant surface-level statue made of blocks

Drowning chambers

Trap gauntlets 

Infinite maze to a Depot

Collapsable Bridge Pit of Ultimate Doom

Taming a Dragon

Capturing a Forgotten Beast

Becoming a Fort full of Necromancers or Vampires

And so on. If these suggestions don’t mesh with you, then you can try other projects, like sky-cities, rain factories, Boatmurdered tribute, and so on.

Masters of Dwarf-Kind.

Dwarves love opulence. Whether it be carved ceilings or floors, encrusted jewels, shining coins or even just a well-made warhammer, there is nothing better than opulence to a dwarf. Your job is to become the Dwarven capital - and the Dwarven capitol. To do so, you need a few small requirements to get the gravy train rolling:

You need to have a population of at least 20.

You need to have 100,000 Created Wealth (check your [z]tocks to understand); imported wealth does NOT count.

You need to have traded 10,000 wealth away for goods. Not offered - traded, at a 10k profit to the Dwarven caravans.

After this, you will be appointed a Baron (will require: Decent Office, Dining Room, Quarters, a Tomb, Two Chests, One Weapon and Armour rack, and one Cabinet), and your Fortress will become a Barony. From there, you need to climb the ranks - a relatively simple task.

You then must become a County, and recieve a Count (Requirements: A throne room, a Great Bedroom, a Great Dining Room, and a Mausoleum; three Chests, Two Cabinets, Two Weapon Racks and Armour Stands). To do so:

You need to have a population of at least 20 (seeing a theme?).

You need to have 200,000 Created Wealth (read above).

You need to have traded a whopping 20,000 wealth away for goods. At this point, you might want to look into making Pickaxes of exceptional quality - the better the material, the better price you will obtain.

At this point, the pressure’s on - a Count can not only appoint a Dwarven Champion, but will also have TWO mandates and THREE demands, at a maximum. They’re a lot of work, but you’re half-way to the top of the food chain!

After you get your count, and have recovered from the economic hit, you’re ready for the semi-final point. You need a Duke, and turn your County into a Duchy.

You need to have a population of at least 20 (by this point, aim for at least a population of 120).

You need to have 300,000 Created Wealth (Artefact creation is VITAL at this point - some good artefacts can have values of 50,000+).

You need to sacrifice your soul to Armok have traded an absolutely boggling 30,000 Wealth to a Dwarven Caravan (at this point, you’re giving away Masterpieces - a shame, yes, but if you aim for the stars, you need to pass the moon first).

A Duke is no small task. They need an OPULENT Throne Room, a Grand Bedroom, Dining Room, and Mausoleum - each should take up a 7x7 or possibly even a 9x9 space, with statues, engravings, furniture galore... All of Exceptional or higher quality. They can make THREE mandates and FIVE demands, making them... Very bossy at times.

But you’re thinking: “Wait, semi-final? You mean there’s one more stage, Mod %?”, to which the question is... Yes. You must recruit... THE KING/QUEEN OF THE DWARVES!

To do so is... Odd. I will list why below:

The King/Queen will arrive in a migrant wave, escorted by ELITE Military Dwarves, Liasons, Diplomats, and a few other weird Nobles.

They CAN arrive at any point after you have a Baron, but (as far as I know) they have a higher chance of arriving whilst you have a Baron.

You MUST have a population of 120+ Dwarves, making you a METROPOLIS.

You must have an INTERNAL ARCHITECTURE of 10,000 worth or MORE (basically, statues, statues everywhere).

You must have DONATED (read: Not Traded, OFFERED) 10,000 worth to the Caravans.

After this point, they will arrive, in all their tyrannical majesty. They require:

Royal Throne Room (best have that carved outta Gold).

Royal Bedroom (just... Gold-plate and jewel-encrust everything)

Royal Dining Room (empty (gold) chairs and empty (gold) tables...)

Royal Mausoleum (crystal skulls optional)

10 Chests, 5 Cabinets, Weapon Racks, Armour Stands

An absurd amount of tolerance for their 5 MANDATES AND 10 DEMANDS.

Once you become the Capital of ALL DWARVEN KIND, you... Win. Or, y’know, you could then proceed to take your Duke/Duchess, your King/Queen and throw them into your previously-prepared Drowning Chamber. Then you wait for a Peasant to rise and rule with a slightly-less-apt iron fist.

Economical!

Simply put, you will need to become the absolute masters in ONE particular craft. Assign almost every Dwarf to ONE occupation - I suggest Metalsmithing or Stonecrafting - and save a few Dwarves for the basics (Mining, Cooking, Cleaning). You want to waste EVERY SINGLE STONE or BLOCK OF METAL or WOOD (if you want to piss off the Elves at their own game), and craft EVERYTHING into a MASTERPIECE (Object). This ensures you are, without a doubt, the rulers of your kin in this field, earning legendary tales, artefacts of supreme value, and just turning your Dwarves into meat sacks when the Goblin Invasion comes.

Oroboros.

Simply put, when a Fortress has reached it’s nigh-unbeatable peak... ABANDON SHIP! Have all Dwarves leave. Wait a good 50-100 years... And return. Objects, items, factories will have been reclaimed and overturned. Traps you left behind are now deadly tricks your new 7 must overcome to reclaim the Family heritage that lies deep in the mountain’s womb. All you need to do is turn an old, fiend-captured fortress back to a fully functioning society of Dwarves once again. That way, you have a unique and fresh start to your once-tired fortress. Just try not let it get burned down. Again.

Losing is Fun!

Sometimes... There is no cure. Boredom strikes us like Dwarves strike the Earth. Somtimes, even after building the Monolith that spews Lava from the Depths, becoming the Captial of Dwarven-Kind by being the BEST SMITHEES IN THE WORLD... You can’t do much else. Except, y’know... Lose. 

Losing, in Dwarf Fortress, is what makes the game infinitely replayable, and, to me, infinitely enjoyable. Sure, it can sting, but sometimes you need to start a fire to make way for new growth. Losing, in the funnest possible way is just to... Let the Clowns free from the Circus. Dig through that Cotton Candy and into the great black Circus, let the Clowns roam free, destroy everything, until you have but one Dwarf alive. From there, you can either start a new fortress just a few steps away, or... Abandon the fortress, and let that one Dwarf live to tell the tale. 

Either way, nothing lasts forever, and even if you DON’T want to let the Clowns free, then your best bet is to get lazy. Sit back, comfortably, and do absolutely nothing. All warnings off, all pauses off, then go out for a nice drive, and return to a Fortress full of screaming, arguing, upset and unhappy Dwarves, because somebody “accidentally” drank the last of the booze somebody else was saving.

Phew! I hope this guide was enough to help with your boredom! And hey, I’m always happy to help with anybody’s Dwarven needs. c:

[unforth]

Okay I've got a fuckton of work to do but now that I'm not sitting in my car in a parking lot losing my fucking mind over Tam al"Thor allow me to explain just a little more just how absolutely fucking obsessed I was with this man when I was young.

Okay so in October of 1993, the fifth book of the Wheel of Time series, "Fires of Heaven," came out. My grandfather's girlfriend for who knows what goddamn reason decided to give my grandfather this book for Christmas that year. The following summer, as eleven-year-old me blossomed into a truly profound nerd in all the best ways, I found this book on his shelf while trying to find my next obsession and, observing it was the fifth book in a series, I asked Poppop to take me to the bookstore so I could buy the first book, "The Eye of the World."

I read it in a day.

It is 800 fucking pages long and I read it in a single day. (In my small defense, it was summer vacation, and also, eleven-year-old-me had undiagnosed ADHD and tended to skim long descriptive paragraphs out of boredom.)

Now, eleven-year-old-me also had a very severe phobia that caused me to have insomnia and nightmares, and I was really only just starting to figure out strategies for coping with that. One strategy involved a stuffed toy Poppop got me, and I'd snuggle that it'd help. But the strategy that eventually really got me through, and works to this day, was that I'd tell myself stories to fall asleep. Through my teen years, nearly all those stories involved my self-insert OC.

Her name was Ebony Darkness Dementia Ravenway Shilyla D'Dreidia. She was tall, fair skinned, with black hair down to her ankles that she usually wore in a braid crown (as in, I stole Cimorene's hairstyle). She double-wielded a sword (Mendenbar's sword, to be exact) and a quarterstaff (yes, I said double-wielded). And she wasn't the heroine. Ever. No, her job was to steward the earth, and help the heroes, without ever interfering or ruining their stories and chances to shine, and for this purpose she was immortal. Over about a decade I created a really elaborate multiverse structure so that I could integrate her into any book or story I wanted to, and Wheel of Time formed the backbone of that multiverse - I full-on adopted the "ages cycle" motif, and that's how her immortality worked. Over time, she'd forget the oldest ages, but she'd remember enough to be able to help, and the Creator in WoT is obviously a Big Bag of Dicks, so he set things up to "help" her by having her body show evidence of corruption when the earth was suffering: which is to say the worse things got the more horribly wounded she was but, brave soul such and such as she was, she'd soldier on, and keep her corruption wounds a secret, and help the heroes, and everyone got mad at her because she couldn't give away all the information she needed - poor long suffering hurt/comfort magnet soul that she was. Very noble. Incredibly Mary Sue. I'm so proud of her, lmfao.

ANYWAY. The point is, Lyla was my self-insert, and she could do anything she wanted, and she could have a relationship with whoever she wanted. I coulda picked any of the protagonists, and of the side characters, literally anyone, in any story, who I wanted. And who did I go for? Well, she had a fling with Silk, poor guy deserved better, and she and Julian Bashir had a bit of a thing, and her romance with Saltheart Foamfollower was very, very tragic, but the love of her life? Her absolute ultimate? The one she waited through the cycle of ages to meet again and again because she loved him that much?

Tam. Fucking. al'Thor.

Out of all the gin joints in all the all the characters in all the stories I read in all the worlds I integrated into my sleepy time story telling fantasies, when I could have picked a.n.y.o.n.e., I made my self-insert's ultimate, unmatchable love story be with one (1) widower sheep-raising tabac-growing "oh there's nothing weird about finding a screaming baby on a mountain in the snow I guess I'll just raise him myself awesome!" best swordsman in the world Bela-the-wonder-horse-owning DILF.

Tam al'Thor.

Oh man there is no way this is going to live up to my expectations and I do not fucking care I can't even let myself think about how excited I am that WoT comes out tomorrow or I will literally start vibrating out of my skin.

(and if I'm really lucky he'll be in maybe two episodes, considering there are only 8 for like the entire first book??? and then he doesn't even show up again until the third book, and then disappears until, like, fucking Dumai's Wells or something iirc. I, like my ridiculously OP OC, clearly live to suffer, lmfaooooo.)

I just realized I am one day away from seeing Tam al'Thor, OG badass and best dad in all of fiction, on screen in living breathing action.

I AM NOT READY I AM SO READY I AM SO SO SO NOT READY