#so I’m mostly gonna by the parts and try to make only minimal parts

[anicehomicidaltree]

Not me making actual plans to make a Bitsy cosplay

Like a legit layout oh god

[ornii]

Greetings,could i request Lucy Maclean x Male reader?,Thanks

Funny enough I was gonna do a short series on it anyway. Cause God Damn Ella Purcell takes the cake in beauty. So here’s—

The Wasteland Love Guide #1

Part 1: The Couriers Eye

Love, Betrayal, and tale as old as time.

Dim lit, you awoke in the rank scent of a sewer. The cold concrete against your back you felt a beating pain in your face. You sat up, the beating pain was too much to bear and you felt your face, and you felt, something in your.. eye. “Fuck..” you mumbled, pushing yourself up you looked around, it was too dim to make out anything specific, adding blindness only made it worse.

You literally had to shake off the potential concussion and walked along the concrete wall to a large exit, stumbling out you felt sand in your palms and and fingernails. Stumbling out into the sandy beach you looked around for any form of help. It was nearly endless sand, besides a few rundown houses. You walk your way towards it, trying to remember the last day of your life to recall what Happened, but nothing came to mind. Pushing a door open into a rundown place you spotted a furnace. Somehow the water was running.

You cleaned up your face and painfully washed the blood off your face. Breaking up old floorboards and wood you tossed it into the furnace to start a fire. Giving you minimal light you checked your body for any open wounds or cuts. None you can see thankfully. Sitting down near the fire you calm yourself and relax, and try to sleep off the pain. Nightmares echo and scream in your head, and in the last moments of your nightmare, you could remember one face.

Moldaver.

Your eyes open to a face, of a woman trying to see if you were still alive, panic kicks in and you push her away and reached for a weapon, a baseball bat. You cocked back and gripped the handle ready to swing, before you could, the barrel of a syringe gun was right at your neck. You had no idea just what it could have and taking the risk of acid or drugs shot into you would be bad. The moment was silent, only the cracking fire illuminating both of you. You clenched the bats grip hard, and you spoke sternly.

“I don’t have anything you want… why are you here?” You asked.

“I just wanted to see if you were alive. You, don’t look so good.” She responded, you noticed what she was wearing, a vault suit. It’s a dumb question but it was the only question you could muster. “You a vault dweller?” You said in disbelief, she dusts herself off, and actually stood up to shake your hand.

“Yes! I’m Lucy.” She smiled, you still in disbelief and probably losing blood, slowly put the bat down and shook her hand. “Are you here alone? I just need help looking for my Father.”

“Why are you.. telling me all this? I can’t even think straight.” You sit back down, holding your head.

“It’s probably hard to think straight with metal in your eye.” She said, and knelt down in front of you.

“You seem a bit, hurt.. but you also know your way around the place. I can help you with your eye if you can help me.” Lucy offered a deal you probably don’t have the luxury to deny. “Fine..” you relented. “How bad is it?” You asked her, Lucy leaned in to look at your eye, you saw her made a face that you didn’t particularly like.

“What?” You said.

“Damage mostly to the eye itself, your cornea is probably intact!” She said with hope for whatever reason, “thanks? Can you just take the metal out?” You replied. Lucy nods and begins to unravel her pack of shit she had. Small tweezers and bandage gauze. What proceeded was pain beyond belief as you tried to keep your eye open as Lucy, as gently as possible pulled shrapnel from it.

“MOTHER OF—“ you catch yourself before you can scream and bite your tongue.

“Sorry! Medical wasn’t my best, mine are nothing compared to my dad.” She drones on, and as the pain slowly began to subside you were interested. “You know… I always thought Vault dwellers were nutjubs for running into a hole in the ground but, fuck maybe I was wrong.” You admit, Lucy finishes your operation and patches your eye with gauze. “Our Mission is to repopulate the United States of course, it’s what we’re all supposed to do, to be a part of a better tomorrow.” Lucy said it as if it’s some slogan.

“Right..” you shrugged. And put the eyepatch on, but it’s just makeshift string with a patch of cloth. “I gotta ask you… besides wanting to find your dad, why help me? People don’t do this in the wasteland.”

“Well because it’s the Golden Rule.” She smiles, which made you, somehow happy. You smiled, but gave her a bit of brutal honesty. “You seem like a nice lady.”

“Why thank you—“

“So you’ll die a very horrible death.” You add in, and she tries to stay positive but looks a bit stunned by it. “Being a good person is gonna get you killed. The Wasteland doesn’t abide by the “Golden Rule” you aren’t gonna survive out there.” You warned her, but that dumbfounded look on her face.

“I really appreciate your concern for me, but I can’t.. a group of raiders went to our vault and, did a lot of bad things, I have to get my dad back.”

“A group of raiders… to our vault.. bad things.” You quickly came to the realization of just what happened. It seems That she went with the plan. You saw the hopeful look in Lucy’s eyes and, it made you feel hope in a world full of such evil. Were you, falling in love? Or is this her Lady Killer perk activating. You smiled, and hit your Idiot Savant perk and nodded.

“I’d be a real bastard if I just let you deal with all of this alone. Mind if I tag along?” You said, Lucy happily obliges.

“Of course! The more the merrier as they say!” Lucy turns and walks off, you shake your head and smile, following her.

“She’s gonna get herself killed.”

[hadesforpreswrites]

dirty laundry, pt. 4

a/n: here's part 4! guess who's back, back again, ash is back, tell a friend. i'm so sorry for how long this took, i kept hitting a wall every time i opened the document. but here we are now! as always i hope you enjoy! please like, comment, reblog!

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

genre: idiots-to-lovers

warnings: slight angst (if you squint, no like it's really minimal); oral (f. receiving)

word count: 2,508

summary: it's birthday time! noah's been on a mini tour, will he make it back in time for y/n's birthday dinner?

part one part two part three part five

as promised he stayed the rest of the week with her. it mostly consisted of them staying in and learning more about each other, in a different, more romantic way than they had previously.

then he had to go for a few weeks to perform various shows. he desperately wanted her to go with them but she just smiled and said that she needed to focus on her schoolwork and she wouldn’t do that if she was around everyone. he worried he wouldn’t be back in time for her birthday dinner that scarlett planned every year. 

every year their group of friends get dressed up in their best and go out to dinner. a lot of times after dinner they’d end up at a bowling alley that was half bowling, half arcade. 

it was something that she looked forward to every year and he was worried a majority of the group wouldn’t be able to make it due to commitments they had. 

“noah, it’s honestly okay,” she said over the phone one night after a show. he could tell she was trying her best to sound nonchalant but that she was sad about it. “if it was a dumb reason i’d be upset but this is far from dumb in my book. besides, we can always just push it to another date. doesn’t have to be on my exact birthdate.”

“yes it does!” he heard scarlett’s voice shout, causing him to chuckle. 

“she’s right. it’s tradition,” he said. “we’re gonna try our best to be there, doll. it mostly depends on how travel goes.”

“i know. maybe i should’ve come with you like you wanted. so you wouldn’t stress as much about it,” she said, quietly.

“doll, even though i desperately want you here with me, i’d still stress about it.”

“it’s not so important that you should stress this much though.”

“i’m going to pretend i didn’t just hear you say that the day my girlfriend was born isn’t important.”

“how very dare she!” jolly’s voice shouted from the other side of the couch on the bus.

“hear that? you’ve upset the swede.”

she was silent. 

“doll, regardless stress is going to happen because i love you and the guys love you and we want to continue our tradition.”

“yeah.”

“you’re awfully quiet over there. what’s going through that pretty little head of yours?”

he heard sniffles from the other side of the phone and immediately wished he was there. “i just don’t know what i did to deserve this kind of niceness.” 

“you exist as you are and we like the way you are. so there,” he explained.

she laughed. 

“there she is.”

“i love you,” she said.

“i love you,” he replied with a smile. 

“and as much as i love you and talking to you, i should probably try to sleep.”

“yes, you should.”

“wish you were here,” she said quietly. he could hear her getting under her comforter and settling in for the night on the other side of the phone. 

“soon. then you’ll get sick of me, promise,” he joked.

“doubt it. night, noah.”

“good night, doll.”

“good night!!” the rest of the crew on the bus yelled into the phone, causing him to hear her giggle before she hung up.

“is she doing okay?” nicholas asked, plopping down between noah and jolly.

“i think so. just had a moment of doubt is all.”

“what happened when you went to stay with her?” nick asked.

“i don’t think that’s something i can tell you. she barely wanted to tell me.”

“well, whatever it was, even though it was obviously bad, i’m glad it happened. if only to finally get you two together,” jolly said. “not because i want her hurting, obviously. silver lining in the clouds.”

noah nodded. he’d been feeling similarly. he didn’t know when he’d finally have broken his silence on loving her if that night didn’t happen. that, of course, didn’t mean that he was happy her past had come back to haunt her in such an intense way.

“so what’d you get her for her birthday?” bryan asked, slightly changing the subject.

noah’s eyes widened. “shit.”

“she’s not gonna want anything from anyone,” nick tried to cover for noah.

“right. but it’s definitely his obligation as boyfriend to get her something anyway.”

“what if you just get a hotel room or airbnb for a weekend getaway? she’d like that since you’ve been gone,” nicholas offered.

“that’s actually a great idea,” jolly said, gaining looks from everyone on the bus. “we’re practically soulmates, i know what she’d like.”

“soulmates?” noah leveled a playful glare at the guitarist.

“oh, chill. i mean it in a totally platonic way.”

“i think you’d have to fight scarlett for that title,” nicholas laughed. 

“i’m not convinced she’s not holding out hope for y/n to be gay,” jolly said.

“she’s bi. i think if they were to happen, they’d have happened already,” noah explained. he earned some questioning looks. “she literally went to pride and bought a bi flag. it’s not difficult to put two and two together to make four. you guys just don’t pay attention.”

“so much for being her soulmate, joakim,” nick laughed, causing everyone else to laugh.

while laying in his bunk on the bus later that night, noah began to look up hotel in the area they lived, looking for one that gave off just the right vibe.

a couple days had passed and the band and crew were making their way home as fast as they could in order to make it for dinner. noah was on edge and kept to himself most of the trip. 

in the end, they had made it back to town with a couple of hours to spare.

as much as noah wanted to tell her they’d made it, it kind of wanted it to be a surprise, so he just text scarlett and told her to keep her mouth shut. 

he showered and dressed quickly. then he packed a bag for the weekend. as much as he loved his band, he couldn’t wait to have some alone time with his girl after a few weeks with them. 

he drove alone to the restaurant because of his later plans, but waited for the rest of them to arrive before exiting his vehicle. they walked into the building as a group, y/n and scarlett already at a table. the hostess seemed shocked to see the group but led them to the table which was in the back of the restaurant.

y/n and scarlett weren’t paying attention, immersed in a conversation together, so he walked quietly behind y/n and placed his hands over her eyes, careful not to smudge her glasses.

“oh my god, you made it!” she said, excitedly.

he chuckled, taking the seat on her other side. “how’d you know it was me?”

“cologne. and also who else would dare?”

“i dunno, jolly said something about being your soulmate, so he might dare.”

“okay, he might. but he wears a different cologne. did you know that smell is the sense most linked to memory?”

“i missed you, smartypants,” he said, kissing the side of her head. 

“missed you more,” she said, smiling.

“be gross after dinner,” scarlett said, not a hint of seriousness in her voice. 

“you ladies both look very nice tonight,” jolly complimented.

“thank you. it took so long for us to find something perfect for the night. still has to look good with bowling shoes, ya know,” scarlett answered.

the rest of the table carried on in conversation while noah placed a hand on y/n’s thigh, pulling her attention to him.

“i didn’t get an actual present for you this time and for that i’m so sorry. but i did get us a hotel room for the weekend so we can spend some much needed time together without these yahoos.”

“you don’t need to beat yourself up about not getting anything because all i wanted was you here. i think a hotel room is a great idea.”

he kissed the side of her head again as the waiter walked up to the table to take their orders. 

dinner was filled with laughter and good conversation, as it always is when they all get together. noah’s hand rarely left its place on y/n’s thigh. it was a subtle touch but after being gone from her for as long as he had been, though not as long as a normal tour, it was all he could do to not beg her to skip the bowling and go straight to the hotel.

when she stood up at the end of dinner and he saw her outfit in full, he had to stifle a groan that threatened to erupt. she looked so good and was wearing heels that made her legs look even better than normal. 

he shook himself as he noticed her stretching her hand out to him with a smile. “c’mon, we have pins lanes to dominate.”

he stood, his hand in hers, and followed their group out to their vehicles. 

“who’re you riding with, love?” scarlett asked.

noah was already opening the passenger door of his car for her when y/n shot scarlett a glance, causing them to laugh.

y/n carefully slid into the passenger seat of noah’s car before he shut the door and slid into his own seat. “you look so fucking good, doll.”

“thank you,” she blushed. “i wanted to try something a little different from the last couple of years.”

“i liked those to but there’s something about this that makes me a little feral.”

“good to know.”

“you sure you want to go bowling?”

she laughed. “yes, of course i want to go bowling.”

“yeah, right, of course,” he choked out.

“noah, we have all weekend.”

“trust me, i’m aware.”

“but i did tell scar that we’d be late because i want to pick up clothes for our weekend.”

“good idea.”

“i’ve been known to have a few.”

noah drove the familiar route to her and scarlett’s house, walked around the car to help her out, and held her hand as they walked to the front door.

once they were inside, he pulled her to him and pushed his lips to hers. her arms wound around his neck as she returned his kiss with the same urgency. he walked them until her back hit the closest wall and let his hands roam down her body to the backs of her thighs. he pulled, indicating to her that he wanted them around his waist, she obliged. he broke from her lips and she put her forehead against his as he walked them back to her room. 

“i missed you so fucking much,” he said, his voice husky.

“i missed you,” she breathed out.

“i know you want to go bowling with our friends but just give me a little more time.”

“okay, i can do that.”

he pushed open her bedroom door and kicked it shut again as they entered. he laid her on the bed, pecking her lips before sliding down her body and kneeling on the carpet in front of her.

“baby, can i please?” he almost whined out. “and then we can pack you a bag and go. promise.”

she leaned up on her elbows and looked at him. both of their eyes were blown with lust and hair was mused. “okay,” she said quietly.

“okay,” he said, placing a kiss on her thigh.

he slid his hands up under the skirt of her outfit and found the elastic band of her underwear and pulled them down her legs. he didn’t fight the groan that left his throat at the sight of the black lace underwear his fingers were pulling down. 

“my shoes,” she said, breathlessly.

“they’re fine,” he said simply as he hooked her knees on his shoulders. 

he kissed up the inside of one of her thighs to the apex of her legs. he used his tongue to lap up the juices that were already flowing out of her. he pushed a finger into her as he licked. he moaned into her, the vibration making her moan loudly as she snaked her fingers through his hair. he nibbled on her clit as lightly as he could and soothed it with his tongue. he inserted another finger and began working them faster as her breathing sped up.

“noah,” she breathed out, spurring him on.

he reached his free hand up toward her, and she released the grip of one of her hands on his hair to grip his hand instead. 

“c’mon, baby, i know you can do it. you’re so close,” he said as he felt her squeezing his fingers before continuing his ministrations with his tongue. he coaxed it out of her. she fought to keep her thighs open as she came, he continued until she was spent and breathing heavily above him.

he sat back on his heels and licked his fingers clean, her slick glistening on his chin. “fuck,” they said together, causing them to laugh.

“hang on, doll. let me clean you up before you start moving around,” he walked into the adjoining bathroom, grabbed a clean washcloth, and wet it before walking back to her, wiping his face as he did. he cleaned the inside of her thighs and any drippage from her core before placing her feet in the leg holes of her underwear and helping her pull them back on.

she raised her arms and he pulled her up. he chuckled as he saw her look in her phone screen with a look of horror. “now i have to fix my make up and hair,” she whined. 

“i dunno, i think you still look great,” he kissed her forehead.

“you would.” she said, attempting to stand. “you know, in these shoes i’m almost your height.”

“i noticed. my neck thanks them for their service.” 

she laughed again as he helped her stand, he laughed as her knees wobbled.

“stop that. and help me with these things,” she said, plopping back on her bed and bending to unbuckle her shoes.

he saluted her and kneeled once more to help her remove the high heels. 

she breathed a sigh of relief as she stood on bare feet and walked to her closet for a bag and her converse. he was at her dresser pulling out yoga pants, shorts, and a couple of t-shirts. she pulled out clean underwear and a different bra and some socks and stuffed everything into her bag. before they left she went to the bathroom and cleaned up her makeup and hair, motioning for him to sit so she could straighten up his hair as well.

he grabbed her bag as she grabbed his hand and pulled him through the front door, locking it behind them, and to the car once more.

once they were situated in the vehicle, she shouted enthusiastically, “to the bowling alley!”

[bow-of-aros]

Day Seven: Fidget

Summary: Ted is just trying to have a nice, relaxing afternoon. It would really help if Peter could stop with all the fucking twitching.

-

Hey guys! To make up for yesterday's half-awake fic, I present you with the Spankoffski brothers! This got really wholesome and honestly I'm super happy with it. They're so much fun to write and I hope that y'all enjoy <33

-

“Dude stop fucking twitching you’re scaring the hoes.”

The look of complete and utter disbelief that Peter shot his older brother would’ve been pretty damn funny if Ted wasn’t about five seconds away from actually ripping his ears clean off his face.

“First of all, there aren’t any fucking hoes here outside of you, Ted. We’re at home. Second of all, I’m not twitching, I’m fidgeting. And yes—” The kid cuts Ted a scathing look and he snaps his jaw shut with a smirk, “There’s a difference.”

Ted just shrugs and leans back into the couch, “I don’t give a shit. Twitching, fidgeting, it’s all equally a pain in the ass. Can’t you like sit on your hands on something?”

Click click click.

The rhythmic sound of Peter’s fingers snapping together severely undermined his,

“I don’t need to sit on my hands, asshole! I just have some nervous energy that I’m getting out. There’s nothing to fucking do in your shithole apartment.”

He then very pointedly Ted’s patented Are you fucking kidding me look, one that’s been passed down through generations of Spankoffski’s and perfected after years of practice.

Oh, he is not��going to let that one stand.

“Don’t forget that this is our shithole apartment now! I didn’t hear you complaining about it when you showed up in the pouring fucking rain asking to move in.”

“So what? You gonna kick me out?”

“And what? Send you back to our bigoted-ass parents and your frilly fucking princess room? Fuck no. You’re stuck with me and this shithole apartment, the least you could do is show it some respect.”

Ted reaches for the remote and turns up the volume on whatever brain cell-killing show they’ve had playing in the background for the past however long. It’s his turn to ignore the look his brother gives him, although this one is more vaguely confused than outright menacing.

The silence drags out a little longer, and Ted almost jolts when Peter speaks up,

“Thank you apartment for not having a speck of pink on your walls and smelling perpetually like rotten food. I appreciate you.”

Oh, that fucking dweeb.

Apparently, Peter’s not done, “Thank you for your thermostat that only works half the time and for the fact that the only annoying voice I hear is my brother’s, which mostly doesn’t make me want to throw myself out the nearest window like my parents did.”

Ted has developed a keen sense of when serious emotions might be coming into play. Mostly it’s so he can get the fuck out of dodge, fast.

This is straying a little too close to that.

“Alright alright. You can shut the fuck up now, Petey. I get it!”

“Petey?”

Oh goddammit.

He’s about to take it back, throw out some half-hearted insult that will distract both of them for long enough that Ted can make his escape.

But then, he glances over at his little brother who almost looks like he has stars in his eyes he’s so fucking happy. Ted’s not sure he remembers the last time he really smiled like that, and like hell he was going to do anything to fuck it up.

“It’s your name, isn’t it? And what part of shut the fuck up didn’t register in your little genius brain, huh?”

There, that’s a good balance of minimally heartfelt and asshole older brother.

Click click click.

“Oh, come on!” Ted throws his head back as Peter tucks his hands sheepishly under his legs, “Again with the snapping?”

“I can’t help it!” Peter snaps back defensively, “I have—”

“Nervous energy. Yeah. I know.”

And then it was like a lightbulb flickered on above Ted’s head.

“You know. I can be pretty good at getting rid of nervous energy.”

He tries to tone down the grin that’s creeping across his face. Ted knows it’s there, not because he’s consciously smiling, but because Peter is growing more concerned by the second and he doesn’t want to scare the kid off just yet.

“Ted, I swear to fucking God if this is one of your gross sex things I will—”

“It is not a gross sex thing! Jeez kid, get your mind out of the gutter.”

Peter snorts and rolls his eyes, but settles back down which is exactly what Ted needs right now.

Neither of them says anything for a few seconds, and Ted is in the middle of wondering how high Peter’s eyebrows can rise before they start floating above his forehead when he finally caves,

“Fine! How do you get rid of nervous energy?”

He’s pretty sure that he can hear a muttered dipshit after that last bit, but he’s gonna let it slide in order to get down to business.

“I thought you’d never ask! Now, try not to scream.”

“Wha—TED! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!”

This fucking kid, “What did I say about not screaming? Now, hold still!”

Alright, where was that one spot again?

“TEHEHEHED! Nononono shit! Plehehehehease I cahahahan’t!”

Bingo!

“Hey, don’t get down on yourself like that!” Ted leans forward, shit-eating grin front and center on his face as he puts all of his focus into tickling all the nervous energy out of little Petey, “You totally can! Just check this out!”

And, before Peter can stop him, Ted manages to worm his hands under his arms and drill into the sensitive muscle there.

“You motherfuhuhuhuhuhuhucker! Get out of thehehehehere please!”

Looking down, Peter’s face is growing redder by the moment, and is sporting a grin that puts the damn sun to shame. Ted’s enough of a man to admit that the sight of his brother looking so happy melts his heart just a little bit.

That doesn’t mean he’s not gonna be a dick about it.

“Oh, what? Here? Get out of right here?” Ted does lighten his touch a bit when he sees a few tears leak out. He’s not a complete monster!

The panicked giggles that are now leaking out are almost adorable.

So is the begging.

“Yes! Plehehehease Ted! Come ohohohohon!”

“Do you have any more nervous energy?”

“Nohohoho!”

“Are you sure? Because I really don’t mind helping you out. Get you less fidgety and all that.”

“I’m sure! I’m suhuhuhure! Teddy please!”

And, well, how can he say no to that?

Ted leverages himself off of Peter, dragging the kid up with him so they’re leaning against each other as they settle back into relatively seated positions.

They don’t say anything, just watch the show that keeps droning on, but eventually, Ted feels Peter’s head drop onto his shoulder. He shifts a bit to make sure they’re both comfortable before wrapping an arm around his brother’s shoulders.

Just as he thinks Peter’s fallen asleep, he hears a whispered, “Love you, Teddy.”

Fuck. He really would do anything for this kid.

“Love you too, Petey.” Ted rests his cheek atop Peter’s head.

“Even if you do kind of need a shower.”

[adorethedistance]

First Date - Jamie Drysdale x Reader

Hockey Masterlist

Warnings: swearing, mentions of homicide, sexual references.

Words: 1249

Summary: First date - Jamie invites you over and cooks dinner for your first date, complete with bottle service and banter.

A/n: Hey! I'm back! Summer classes kicked my ass so I promised this mini-series to make up for the lull in activity. You can read part 1 called "First Meet" here. Some other firsts coming soon (and by soon I mean eventually): first I love you, and first time.

“Hey!” 

“Hi!” I smile brightly as Jamie opens the door. After our smoothie shop meet cute, Jamie invited me over to have dinner and watch a movie, just to get to know each other a little better. He offered to take us somewhere nice but with how nervous I was in the smoothie shop, I figured staying in would minimize my nerves. Granted, I’m still nervous as hell, since he’s so cute and sweet. I feel an intense anxiety weighing on my chest. But Jamie just smiles brightly and the kindness in his features dissipates all my nerves in an instant.

Stepping aside, he welcomes me into the space. The first-date jitters are eased, yet not fleeting. After I cross the threshold, I gently kick off my shoes, smoothing the fabric of my skirt before following Jamie into a sizable kitchen space.

“I’m surprised the kitchen is so clean,” I say, mostly as a joke. Jamie laughs softly before turning the flame of the gas stove higher. The walls of the pan are high enough that I can’t see inside, but it smells great so I opt to trust the process.

“You should’ve seen it this morning,” I hear from behind me. Turning around Trevor smiles at me as he’s slipping on his shoes.

“I was gonna say.”

“That’s because Z is immune to doing dishes.”

“I am not!”

“You so are!’

“Who usually cooks?” I ask, interjecting their sibling-like argument.

“I do,” Jamie answers proudly.

“The way I’ve always done it is one person will cook, and the other does the dishes.”

“Hah!” Jamie argues.

“But that’s only if the meal is for both of you. If you make a meal for yourself then the dishes are also your responsibility.”

“Ayy!” Trevor calls out to spite Jamie who has fallen silent. His sheepish expression as he bites back a smile. I giggle softly at the exchange and shake my head before walking into the kitchen. “I’m going to the Terry’s, do I need to sleepover there, you two?” Jamie huffs a laugh, shaking his head. He’s somewhat stalling, as if he’s unsure of what to say. I seize the opportunity and without looking away from Jamie I yell back,

“We’ll keep you posted!” Jamie looks up surprised before blushing madly and turning back to the stove. “Do you need help with anything?” I ask as I stand beside him. Jamie glances at me over his left shoulder. He doesn’t fight the smile that appears on his face when I step closer. Jamie’s eyes get seemingly lost in my own and I blink smugly to bring him back down to earth.

“I’m working on searing this right now, but if you wanted to pour drinks?”

“I’m on it… Where are the cups?” Jamie laughs before nodding to a higher cabinet. I open the cabinet door, locating the drinking glasses on the middle shelf. The middle shelf that I am unsure of if I can reach unassisted. Looking back at Jamie, I see him sticking a thermometer into the food and decide not to bother him. I can totally do this.

I place my right hand on the cool countertop to brace myself, lifting up, stretching to reach the drinking glasses. I feel the smooth surface brush my fingertips, accidentally pushing the glass further back into the cabinet. “Fuck,” I swear under my breath, reaching with an extra stretch. The clink of the glasses against one another must have alerted Jamie as I feel his presence behind me. He gently places his left hand on my lower back and reaches above me to easily grab the glasses. He smells like crisp eucalyptus and lavender behind notes of beechwood and mint. I pull my lower lip in between my teeth to try and keep the thought from surfacing but, I could definitely get used to this. Jamie effortlessly grabs two glasses in one hand, offering them to me with a quaint smile. I guess looking at me allowed him to consciously process his actions as he immediately drops the hand that was on my back. His smile grows sheepish and I resist the urge to giggle at the blush creeping across his cheeks.

“Am I just pouring drinks or am I pouring drinks?” I ask, setting the glasses down to wash my hands. “Actually, are you even old enough to drink?” I playfully poke.

“I was twenty-one in April of this year, thank you!” Jamie teases back and I turn to him wide-eyed, trying to keep as straight of a face as I can.

“Oh my god, are you- you’re not… forty?!” 

“No, I am not forty. Are you?!”

“Yes!” Jamie looks at me in pretend sorrow before we both dissolve into laughter. Dropping my initial timidness, I physically relax my shoulders. When I open the refrigerator, the facade of cleanliness vanishes entirely. It is as messy and chaotic as I would expect the young boys to be. Take out boxes, abandoned vegetables, sculpins, and meat. Tucked in the door is a bottle of white wine with the cork and foil intact. Assuming that’s the drink Jamie selected for us, I grab the bottle and close the door behind me. 

“I’m guessing it’s the sancerre, right?” The sound of the bottle making contact with the counter alerts Jamie from the stove and he looks at me over his shoulder.  

“Yeah! Sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t just tell you what to grab.”

“All good. What are you working on over there?” The contents of the pan erupt with a sizzle as Jamie pokes his spatula into the pan.

“It’s a pan-seared butter chicken and roasted broccoli.” I crumple the gold foil in the palms of my hand before tossing it to the trashcan. I then turn back to Jamie, suppressing my astonishment.

“I have to admit I’m surprised you know how to make that.”

“Butter chicken?”

“No, the broccoli.” I say, keeping my face as straight as possible. Jamie and I lock eyes before laughing once more and returning to our tasks at hand. Our culinary symphony of sizzling poultry and the flowing of wine makes me smile, a blush creeps across my cheeks at the thought that comes next. I’m thinking of what it would be like to have a sort of domestic bliss with Jamie. A silent but content early morning where we would brew coffee and sit on the counters, laughing through chaste kisses. Eventually making dinner one night to introduce our friends over a meal, just sitting back and laughing at how Trevor would inevitably break his words per minute record while hosting. Dancing to Billie Eilish together, sliding in fuzzy socks over the cool tiles while trying to stay on task with chores. Jamie’s hand on my throat as he bends me over the counter to-

“What are you smiling about?” 

“Huh? What?” I say, blinking back into reality. 

“What were you smiling about?” Jamie asks, smugly.

“...I was thinking about how I’m gonna kill you later,” I declare just to wipe the smirk off Jamie’s face. 

“Uhhhh, Trevor?!” He yells into the empty hallway. 

“You really think he’s gonna save you?”

“Definitely not, but…”

“You just figured it was worth a try?”

“Yeah.”

“Mhm.” Jamie and I laugh through the quick back and forth before I hand him his glass of wine that I had just poured. He holds the cup out to me and I pause for a moment,

“Cheers to… new beginnings.”

[gunsatthaphan]

🏆 𝒯𝑜𝓅 𝟣𝟢 𝑜𝒻 𝟤𝟢𝟤𝟤 💫

a few anons have requested this and also I was in the mood so here are my Top 10 BLs of 2022 (only including the ones that finished this year). Also I have posted more lengthy reviews for each of these shows already so I’m gonna try and keep it short lol. 

not much to say here, if you know me and my blog then you know how much this show and firstkhao have taken over my life this year lmao. I loved the story so much and everything about it felt so genuine all the way through. FK did an incredible job at actually becoming their characters and I was so in awe of their portrayal. They made something incredible out of a little budget and that’s why I cherished it so much. The plot wasn’t perfect, there were holes and weaknesses but firstkhao, paired with the watching experience, made it perfect for me. 13/10. 

this one gets the award for most underrated show of the year lmao. I loved it so much. like.... what an actual masterpiece?? the cinematography was stunning and the whole concept was so captivating. jimmysea delivered big time and while there were some draggy parts in the middle, the script ultimately proved itself to be absolutely outstanding. Sadly it didn’t get the attention it deserved. 

OOF. I mean. How can I not include this mess of a project lmao (affectionate). was the script oscar-worthy? no. did it make a lot of sense? nah. but did I have the time of my life watching it? hell ya. The craze that surrounded this show was insane and it made the whole thing 10x better lmao. It was hilarious, the characters were likable and the chemistries were fire from every couple involved. It was the watching experience that made me put this as my no.3 because I had a blast.

This was such a nice surprise for me because I wasn’t in the mood for another KBL after the disaster that was To My Star 2 lmao but this was absolutely amazing. The script was genius and so was the entire production quality. This was the first show I saw with the 2 leads as I didn’t watch Kissable Lips but I was very pleasantly surprised by their chemistry. I would love to see them in more stuff in the future!  

GOD. This show has my whole heart lmao. I would consider it a guilty pleasure though because it’s definitely not for everyone. But it hit the nail right on the head for me. It was SO adorable and SO hilarious and I have a huge weak spot for kaownah and turbo because they are just so lovely together. Lots of crack but the best kind lmao. Perfect. 

🥺🥺 what an absolute gem of a show this was. A+ comedy and also the perfect proof that you can actually make something out of what seems like the most basic bl plot ever lol. But what they made of it was amazing. MekKim were super entertaining, also Lee and Park had no business being the most adorable couple I’ve ever seen??? sickening. I love them so much. The setup was super nice and it plays with several bl clichés in a very cunning way. Loved it!!!! 

YES I LOVED THIS!!!!!! This show polarized a lot when it aired, mostly because of the body swap plot and also the disney antics lol and tbh I was expecting to agree with the critical opinions as I don’t like body swap tropes but I was surprised by how much I loved it. How they handled the plot was funny and adorable, plus the whole roadtrip theme and all the sceneries were so nice! And needless to say you can never go wrong with EarthMix. they always deliver and especially Mix’s acting left a big impression with me.

This show never got a lot of attention and most reviews were not good but guess what I disagree kfjdghfd. I loved it so much. The dynamic between the mains was fantastic and with so much cuteness it made me sick dfkjghf. The power of this show lies in its minimalism for me, there were so many small endearing things and everything felt 100% natural. Also they were one of the few pairings in a KBL that actually felt like a realistic couple lol. Han Gi Chan was outstanding and considering this was Holland’s acting debut, he did a very decent job as well. Also the cinematography? stunning. I went in with zero expectations and came out with teary heart eyes lol. 

I was fairly excited for this one as it was Joong’s GMMTV debut and I was not disappointed. It doesn’t hold up with some of gmm’s other highlights this year but I liked it!!! It relied a lot on JoongDunk’s chemistry which I’m not mad about though. They’re really good together. The rest of the cast was also top-notch with an A+ friend group lol. The plot wasn’t super elaborate but once again, the watching experience did it for me lol. 

I liked this one a lot!!! It was the first KBL that I thoroughly enjoyed since Light On Me and it was so much fun to watch!! The chemistry between the leads was top-notch and even though it doesn’t quite hold up with some other KBLs for me, I still wanted to put it on my list because that’s what it deserves lol. 

thank you 2022 for giving us good gay food lmao. here’s to an even better 2023!! ✨

[sarcastic-salem]

I’m gonna post this, so that yall can see the birth of the puriteen movement. So in 2010 Nintendo released the Pokemon Black/White games for the 3DS/2DS consoles. The game was rated E, meaning to was meant to be enjoyed by audiences of ALL ages, but seems to have been aimed mostly at the older nostalgic fanbase who grew up with the franchise starting in the 1990s. And this caused major, major backlash in the stupidest ways.

A conservative hate group called One Million Moms that was founded, I believe, by the wife of Chick-Fil-A’s CEO went on a pearl clutching rampage arguing that the female main player character, Hilda (Touko in the Japanese version) was dressed inappropriately for a children’s video game. Why, because short-shorts that’s why.

I wish I was making this shit up, believe me.

The other thing that sparked ire was a scene that some felt to believe romantic that took place in a ferris wheel with the game’s antihero character N. Because there was no way for the male player character to opt out and avoid the scene, parents argued that the game encouraged homosexuality.

This backlash prompted Nintendo to remove Hilda from the Pokemon Black/White anime series and replace her with Iris, and led to the creation of the Pokemon Shuffle video game after further complaints that the mainstream Pokemon franchise was too difficult for younger players😑

The purpose of Pokemon Shuffle was to help younger and newer players memorize type weaknesses and advantages that would aid them in Pokemon battles that took place in other games. And to add salt to the wound, Nintendo decided to dumb down the storylines in the newer Pokemon video games.

I beat Pokemon X/Y in less than six hours.

Prior to that, I’d be trying to beat Pokemon Emerald/Pearl — I think that was it anyway, it was a long time ago — and gave up after TWO MONTHS because I got stuck in some maze on Mt. Whatever on my way to the Ice Type gym. And I’ve been playing these games since the fucking Gameboy Advanced came out!!!!

Oh, and the really fun part is that the sanitization of Pokemon games effected not only other Nintendo franchises — anyone remember when the scary gyroids were taken out of Animal Crossing: New Horizons and replaced with new ones fit for a pre-K class?

How the hell these people ever made it through Luigi’s Mansion is beyond me🙄 You can find the full list of gyroids, old and new, here—

But getting back to the point, the sanitization of Pokemon also had a direct impact on ALL OTHER FORMS OF MEDIA.

All of the preachy YA books?

Book bans?

The Gods awful new Ninja Turtle cartoon?

They all go back to this moment.

Well, no it goes back even further—

This is history repeating itself.

[divination1330]

Gonna ramble about fandom on this account, because who cares. Warning, really long post

I’ve liked the (mostly created by the fandom due to a lack of material) ship between Shiro and Adam for ages. Like, ever since I found out about it. And it’s for one huge reason. I am going to try and focus on source material and what I know about space, because my headcannons are all over the place.

I’ve wanted to be an astronaut my entire life, and having someone in my life who would stick out loving me through that dream is probably my greatest hope.

I’ve also got someone in my life who is like that. Who matches me for my talent and my heart but overall doesn’t have any aspirations like mine. They want to settle down and just have a mechanical engineering job that pays enough and that they enjoy (and a lot of pets). Their extracurriculars aren’t high stakes, they aren’t chasing grades for their future, but they still push themselves. They still demand the best from themselves that they can, and I do the same thing.

We’ve never had unhealthy competition. We’ve always tried to push each other and lean into each other’s ambitions and interests, but they have supported me in this dream without any doubt. They’re fully expecting to have to deal with the stress of me going to space.

I also never want to put them through that. My current aspirations already take me away from them so much. What will that do to my partner and my best friend in the years to come? Will I want them to move on, find someone who actually has their feet on the ground?

I like the fact that there was a breaking point between Shiro and Adam, despite how it seems like Adam was the closest person to Shiro. We hear nothing about Shiro having a family outside of mentoring Keith, and possibly his work with the Holts, if you want to count that. Adam is still the only person to call Shiro by his first name, and they were nearly married. From the photo in the background they flew together as well. As an aviator that drives me up the wall. The protective instinct that I’ve seen pilots have for each other, and the reckless streak, is so interesting (that’s an entire other topic about what the personalities of pilots means for Voltron, and for Shiro in particular).

You bet your ass Adam was at the end of his rope. I like to see him as a parallel to Haggar in the same way Shiro was a parallel to Zarkon. Haggar’s search for knowledge corrupted her and tore her apart. She was selfish in doing so. She refused to let the people she loved die, and let it drive her to insanity. Adam was a teacher, not a scientist. His job was about sharing knowledge. What did Adam do when someone he cared about endangered their life in a way higher than the risks that they had ever taken on together?

When he realized that Shiro was inevitably going to an environment that speeds up muscular atrophy and osteoporosis for a long term mission with a minimal crew and is extremely taxing on mental health, which from the scraps we know about Shiro’s illness and personality is probably highly dangerous on several accounts, he let go.

He decided he cared about someone enough to let them go and preserve his own sanity, because he could never control them. You bet that hurt. He wouldn’t hold on to someone and do horrible things to try to work against someone’s own autonomy.

(PS: I’m really interested in Shiro’s personality in regards to being something uncontrollable. He’s the guardian of the air, to his knowledge his life is incredibly fragile, he’s the definition of astronauts being medical experiments and extremophiles, he’s a model student, he’s going to be young forever until he isn’t and he’ll lose everything that makes him part of the garrison, he’s a born leader and an incredible strategist, he’s built his own family from people he met at a military school, he commits insubordination, he’s the garrisons youngest pilot of a long-term mission, he decided to mentor a kid who stole his car, he managed to become a symbol of hope to the blades while in what could have been his lowest moments, he’s faced with a kid pulling his rank to make a decision and immediately makes it a team effort, you’ll never catch him taking a break, what?)

That’s what I think is the illustration of the very start of the difference between Zarkon and Shiro. Zarkon nearly tore reality apart and refused to let Haggar go at the expense of so much. Before Shiro ever went to space, he was on both sides of that decision, in a way. Would he stay because someone who had such an impact on him loved him, or would he continue with his mission because he might be the only one who can do this.

Zarkon abandoned his team and his service to Voltron for someone he loved beyond anything. Haggar abandoned everything in her search for knowledge, believing that Zarkon would do anything to save her.

Shiro and Adam both serve the morals of the Garrison, what has become their home. They both study flight, and engineering, and what lies beyond the atmosphere. They have been there for each other since what seems like the start. Adam looked at all the risks and knew he could never try to make a decision for Shiro, but he also wasn’t able to stand by and watch while he hurt himself. Shiro looked at his options and believed that he was the only one able to pilot the Kerberos mission the farthest manned mission the Garrison had ever conducted. They let each other go because they loved each other. They loved each other because of those same reasons in the first place. They wouldn’t be who they are without those traits, those values.

At the end of the day, Adam dies because of those same values. He defended Earth, and probably did the exact same thing Shiro would have done. They were just both like that. Selfless, and very aware of what Earth means.

But what if he made it?

How would that pan out?

I can say this. Through all of it, my partner feels like the only person who truly gets all of this. The ambition, the sacrifices, the strain. I also hide stuff from them when I don’t want them to become too worried, at least till it blows over. Especially with flight involved, or space accidents. I’ve cried on their shoulder about some of this, and they also feel like my only haven some days.

Shiro comes back, and the one person who gets him is fighting the same fight Shiro is. Adam is in danger and taking the same risks Shiro is, and the problem is he isn’t special, not like the paladins, and now the universe really is at stake. What decisions would Shiro make? Especially since they broke up? How much have they both changed?

What if Shiro has to choose between his universe and the universe

And what does he do in the wake of losing his body, his illness, and nearly his mind. He’s lost a limb all over again. His tormentor is his savior, and also someone who lost everything so long ago. He’s coming back home after at least six years, and he can only really remember two, but is it really home? He’s not dying anymore, and now he really has to think about surviving the war and having a life. He’s not expendable anymore, and he’s not in the feild with the paladins he swore to protect. As an Admiral no less, and pilot of a sentient war ship. He lost Black, and gained Atlas.

Who is he going to? Everyone depends on him, everyone has expectations for him.

Who wouldn’t understand all of the things that happened, but understands him. Would he even deserve that person anymore

What does Adam think? Here’s someone who changed his life, through friendship and love and death, who’s now back. The sky was their graveyard, and now it’s their battleground. And he knows more than anyone about them. He knows the way they fly, fight, strategize, everything. At least, the way they did it before they disappeared. How are they still alive? Have they changed? Is he even remotely in their orbit anymore? Does he deserve to be?

At the end of the day, I think Adam would be the only one to see Shiro for who he really is during those last months of the war on Earth. A man with the universe on his shoulders, who is more unsure of his place in it than ever. I also think Adam would be the first person to help him let it go. After all, they used to do everything together. Garrison classes, flying, work, why not this?

Maybe having two people so intrinsically intertwined, who chose each other for who knows what reasons, and chose the universe because they loved each other, was the only way to reverse ten thousand years of war from one selfish decision. Maybe it took two people accepting they could never change each other, and would never want to, in order to change everything

Yeah, sucker for space context to Voltron and extremely dynamic relationships. Fun fact, took me and my partner years to date each other after I first asked them out. We were best friends for ages before they responded by asking me out after my initial ask years before.

Well, this is a fandom account now I guess. Get ready for the brain rot

[yourfavoritecascade]

Alr time to clog up some poor souls’s dashboards let’s do this.

(Warning: this is a long-ass post abt my rw au, if you don’t really feel like reading all of this rn, feel free to keep scrolling:))

They were built to solve a problem, some of them were even worshipped, they were compared to gods, but they were gods,they just didn’t know it anymore. 

To put it simply, this au of mine features the iterators as somewhat more literal in the god sense. They all have different designations and things they can make and/or control. 

At first, there were three “primordial gods” (almost comparable to the Titans from Greek mythology if you know that kinda stuff), who sort of controlled/made things out of the earth sky and void. The first is Greatest Azure Abyss, the sky(she’s the first one in the picture). Second is Terrace of Endless Boulders, the earth/ground(and the second one in the picture). And lastly The Voided Gold, who is pretty much the void itself for all intents and purposes(and obviously third one in the pic).

In this au the ancients probably just came  about from however they would’ve in canon, with minimal interference from the three beta-iterators running around. At some point they would’ve discovered ascension, which TVG was fine with, being the void itself. However, just like in canon, the echoes became a thing, as TVG didn’t want anything too attached to a different world trespassing on its own. 

At some point the other two gods woulda been found, and through methods I have not come up with yet and probably never will, the ancients start finding ways to utilize them to run iterations on how to ascend without the void.

This obviously doesn’t sit well with any of the three, and so they eventually settled for trying to create their own allies with their own powers to keep their freedom in check. 

The Sun, the Moon, the Vines and the Wind, among many others were all attempts for this, but when the ancients figured out how to control gods, they used that power. 

Ofc in canon the ancients are clearly able to use taboos for mostly anything they want the iterators to do or not do, which meant all it took was something that tethered their new puppets to strings and took away their memories of old powers to get their way regardless. At this point the three original Iterators would’ve been slowly cranking out various gods, only for them to be taken and repurposed for the thing they were supposed to be fighting. 

At some point the original three would have slowed down/stopped with their creations entirely, shortly before the mass ascension. 

At this point so far in the timeline I’ve imagined things get a little fuzzy. For the most part none of the iterators know what they are, the Pebbles rot thing still happens, and some time after, Suns breaks the taboo keeping them and their powers ‘n shit in check from the ancients time, and that’s when the present kicks off! 

Ok that was a long post, my fingers kinda hurt rn :,) But for future reference I’m gonna put down the main local group’s godly designations  here:

LttM: Goddess of the moon and water(ironic ik) 

SRS: God of the daylight, the sun, and fire

NSH: God of Plants(and possibly the winter/seasons, more on that in a future post)

CW: God of the wind and birds

UI: God of charms/magic and things like that(it’s kinda hard to explain? I’ll do by best to elaborate further in the future if possible)

FP: Minor God of the earth and stones(ToEB is the main god of the earth, way to make the bug feel extra small and sad :,D

[fanfic-inator795]

Idk what tf is wrong with me today

I’ve been so frustrated with myself the past week in that I’ve barely done any writing even though I have all these ideas - ideas I LIKE and really think are cute, mind you - but I’ve barely worked on any of them. Even when I have free time/alone time, I just end up ignoring my word docs, giving myself some whatever excuse and then feeling bad about it later

Pretty sure today was just the culmination of it, since I actually did feel somewhat up to writing at first... but then my stomach started giving me issues and the Monday brainfog began rolling in, and even though now my stomach has mostly settled, my minimal amount of focus and motivation to write are completely shot and I fucking hate it

This isn’t just writer’s block, as like I said I know what I want to write - even if I couldn’t finish any of my drabbles, I know that I could at the very least write out a few paragraphs/sentences. Like- these are ideas I’ve had bouncing around in my head for the better part of a week, surely I can string together something. But every time I TRY to start, my brain just keeps telling me “fuck it” and I delete the few words I do end up writing because even if it’s not outright writer’s block it’s still SOME sort of block.

I wanna rip out my hair. I wanna go home and drown out everything with youtube vids while I lay in bed. I wanna find something to cry over because I just feel so frustrated and so awful. I wanna just delete my entire AO3 account because idk if I even want to write out my drabble ideas anymore, it just feels pointless. But then I also feel WORSE cause then all those ideas I still have in my head are just wasted, and I just feel stuck. I can’t write, I can’t focus on ANYTHING, all I can do is fucking sit here and continue scrolling through tumblr and youtube while the boredom and guilt continues to just drill into me.

And for all I know, this is just a random mood shift cause of my period likely being only a week away or it just being a random bout of depression or idk. For as guilty as I felt yesterday, knowing fully well that I COULD have spent the five hours I had of free time actually doing some writing instead of watching youtube AGAIN, at least I was able to still enjoy watching BCGs with Tessa. But now I’m just sitting in my office waiting for the next five or so hours to pass before I can clock out and go home, and it already feels like today is gonna take an eternity.

I just fucking hate when I get like this. I hate when everything just becomes too much and too fucking exhausting and I can’t even focus on constructive things or the things that make me happy because my brain won’t let me or because I end up being reminded about how many things in life are just awful.

I don’t know. I really don’t know. I wanna just push through this already but I don’t know why I can’t just do it NOW. I don’t know what’ll make me feel better or make me feel like actually writing again instead of only thinking about writing. I just. Don’t. Know.

[ao3screenshotss]

Honestly I think about the orphan thing— it‘s just about connotations. It‘d just how we use it. And I think that makes sense, since we all lose our parents at some point, but it‘s a special case when you use them when you‘re still a child. A childhood without a parent is different to adulthood without your parent. I don‘t think it‘s about comparing pain or dismissing it at all. I connect the term orphan to child without parents, because that‘s just how we use it. I‘ve gotten corrections on my papers for technicalities as well, and I understand why they do it (it‘s just the way that term is used— so linguistically, technically that doesn‘t work. You can express the pain using all kinds of words, orphan just isn‘t one cause she‘s an adult and we only use that term for children)

(Which makes sense, because a child without parents is a special case! Everybody loses their parents at some point, but mostly once you‘re an adult yourself. Losing one as a child is also relatively common. Losing both is rare (rarer anyway), so that‘s why we‘ve got a special term. And I know it is always painful, but please don‘t say it‘s not uniquely horrible for a child, just situation-wise. I don‘t at all mean to minimize the pain of losing any loved one at any age, I mean to say, as an adult, (like a proper adult, middle-aged) it‘s less detrimental to your situation at large. I think losing both parents during childhood deserves its own term, you know?)

(I really just want to say that I don‘t think there‘s anything mean or heartless about it, it makes a ton of sense that our language is like this. Just say she lost her father; people understand that pain, of course they do.)

(Sorry that this is so long and I just keep adding more but I want to clarify why I care about this— I think it‘s really important to be careful with heavy, like, judgment. This just feels like cynicism. If everybody‘s just quick to be cynical then where‘s the world heading, y‘know? Sry for being so serious though, and I don‘t mean to be accusatory to anyone at all)

i am so sorry oh my god i had this saved in my drafts for ages i didn’t realise i forgot to post it i replied and everything- i’m just gonna post what i wrote earlier and put it under a read more cause it’s a tiny bit long

i think i kinda understand the point you're trying to make - the words that are coming to mind for me is emotional maturity. if an adult's parents died when they were an adult, they still got to experience a childhood with their parents, but it's not the same with a child who's parents died when they were children.

i was also thinking about how i don't really see adults who were orphans as a child still referred to as orphans. i think that they still count, since they did go through the experience of losing parents when they were a child, but when they become adults they're suddenly just adults and i do think it's interesting how the 'title' (not as in a privilege or anything but you know what i mean) of orphan seems to disappear even though to the person the experience obviously doesn't (makes me think about how once you're 18 the foster care system doesn't really count you as part of them but that's too much to get into)

i think all in all you're right when it all just comes down to connotations. especially if it's how we use it and how other people we know might use it. i do understand by what you mean when you say having a term for a child losing their parents at a young age, it's a different experience than an adult would have, so it deserves its own term too.

either way, thank you for sending this! it's making me sad but it's really interesting to think about!! you did end up changing my view on the word so i'll make sure to think about that if i use it again!!!

[cacaitos]

 so this is i think one of the last rants i had left, also abt incest so like.

what is it about incest that makes it even appealing in the first place...??? like this is not an essay i’m genuinely just ...???  and like writing the thought process so im gonna try to keep it as short as i can.

mostly abt fiction and fetish as smth that hinges on the social nature of a type pf relationship. what i mean is that tho incest exists as an action, im talking of the fetish part that through the conceptions of what a, say, sibling-like relationship is usually known of gets inserted into another relationship or are elements that are framed to arouse.

moving on, what i don’t get is what even, unique to a filial relationship, is supposed to be attractive.  like for starters let’s forbode noticeable agegaps and intergenerational incest bc age taints over the incest combined or not (like even for ppl born basically at the same time they assign them power over other thru age, but i mean what i see it’s the main appeal point abt that little sister-older brother for example, or niece/uncle/stepparent thing is the age-power dynamic that the incest is subservient to or as an aid). 

even staying purely horizontal here, see how people talk about cousins, even in things that have absolutely nothing to do w incest; a counsin they see only every 5 years, [aunt’s name here]’s family, their family; politically like close enough to keep X family resource inside but far enough to get external resource or relationship or benefit, those incestuous flings ppl seem to have as in ‘we’re not THAT close’ ‘that’s not THAT much blood relation’. frequently theres a sense of distanciation, sometimes they’re talked as if theyre not or just barely family, like theyre some rando.

honestly similar can be said of how ppl talk abt step siblings, or half siblings or adopted ones, even unrelated to incest, it’s just a tendency to Other family members like that much theire detriment sometimes. but w all this as far as reasons go abt justifying incest or why they just gravitate to incestuous relationships in fiction/fetisg even **if for not-so-malicious intents, to me there’s the Despite-of and the Because-of. So the ones where the incest is minimized of just that the pair are revealed to be related later on (real or fictional) for example are Despite-of. In contrast the Because-of is where i’m still perplexed about.

like anyone can say abt using incest as a narrative tool to say Y and Z abt The Human Condition, relationships or horror etc like sure ig, w good writing it’s meant to say smth significative. very big brain and all. or bc an exemplar coincides w more common and popular, unrelated to incest, tropes. But. i don’t think that’s what porn actor are thinking about. and i say actors or porn directors and not porn writers bc writers are still obligated to develop a story in its own right (regardless of writing quality) while porn, video, comic, images, whatever can exist on its own and whose context can be summarized in a single title w/o any story whatsoever.

WHAT about the idea of siblingry, in its most simple platonic ideal, is what’s sexy, regardles if the people are actual siblings or not, bc the title could also be put over ppl that didnt even have the concept of incest in mind and were not involved in the titling at all. again unlike age, or physical or any other type of power dynamuc that usually has v defined roles, WHAT can you insert abt siblingry, that’s unique to it, into a sexual or romantic relationship that appeals to some basic taste, need ot whatever.

i dont need to follow the thought process of a pedophile or a chaser of any kind to, at the very least, recognize the demographics they pursue and recognize why they do, or rather what allows them to predate them. you can at the very least understan that looking after vulnerable people or marginalized demographics is very convinient, be it individually (say, a drunk person), or as a class/group (lgbt teens). but can you describe A Sibling. even based on stereotypes, try to visualize a sibling. what does it look like, what age are they, like not even one related to you just the idea of a Sibling etc, its all relative. you can say the same abt parents ofc but more often than not, you can visualize an average age, reasons they couldva had children, that theyre parents BC they have children, thats a relative thing, but you dont need  to know the age of the kid or how they look bc the subject is Parent, not Child, no matter the stage of life either of those are in, theres a clear division of roles. but people have no control over siblings, theyre just givens outside their own control that you have to live with. it doesnt necesarily mean a cordial relationship or a jealous or a confrontational or competitive type of relationship, in my opinion.

it doesnt click yet in my mind what even the most basic, path of least resistance popular reason about it is that makes it, all in all, a very popular fetish, i try i really do. like if it’s just Bc It’s Taboo reasoning, literally you tell a kid not to do smth so theyre gonna do it stronger logic, i hope i don’t lose contact from the eyeroll im gonna do.

[zydrateacademy]

Darktide Discord Drama?

Alright so this is real stupid. I was hurt about this for maybe ten minutes and then that just converted into confusion the more I thought about it. So I’m not speaking to the official server. It’s been mostly fine with the usual gamer pricks that might pop in every now and then. Toxicity is unavoidable when a game has crashes and disconnects. Frankly 1.08 has been GREAT for me, with minimal crashes and disconnects at all. Awesome. Anyway this isn’t about the official discord. It’s fine. So far. Upon looking for like, a leveling group (the type that just run the first one or two difficulties for the higher xp/hour, for alternate characters and all) I get DM’d about a server someone else started. Because Darktide has like 60k players (67k looking at it just now) so inevitable, the 50 or so voice channels fill up pretty quick (they added another 50 I think today or yesterday). So I get invited to a non-official one and like so many gamer groups, they try to set up this whole inclusive thing because being a shithead isn’t going to get you numbers. I certainly never see “looking for fellow bigots for this community”, they usually just end up coding it like “not looking for people who get their feelings hurt easily”. Which in my experience is just code for “laugh at our racist jokes please”. I don’t think this place had any coding like that but I wasn’t really there long enough to give a deep dive into the rules. It’s so often just common sense to me, being not-a-dick is pretty simple. I was in it for like, a day. I join and group up with three guys for four or so missions. I think it goes well enough, pretty smooth. So all of three dudes. Games take about 30 minutes so we were all together for a couple hours so we just eventually broke off and moved on. That’s pretty much the only group I joined and played with in this discord. That’s going to be relevant in a minute.

So the discord owner starts pinging people as Darktide players start logging in en masse. I get pulled into the first voice chat and they’re pretty much talking nonstop, to the point where I don’t think there’s a game going on. I can’t get a word in. They’re just talking about the Eviscerator and other various weapons in the game. I leave the VC and just go get a drink refill. Server owner pings me with a question mark, I come back a couple minutes later and again they just are talking nonstop to the point I’d generally feel like a dick if I said “hey guys can I talk”. Instead I kinda wait and I say something like “Sorry guys, couldn’t get a word in. Whose the group leader so I can hunt down the friend code?” (You gotta add people on steam to group up on Darktide). That’s pretty much all I said, I hear the discord owner say “alright hold on a minute” and the channel disappears from my discord listing. Here’s what I get in response, and a reminder that the coward possibly blocked me so I couldn’t even defend myself proper (which is why I wanted to do a venting blog post).

There’s a lot to unpack here. I want to go down this point by point. 1) Not likeable. Not patient. Alright so I can’t help the first thing. Not everyone’s gonna gel. The confusing part is, how would he even know? I was there for a day and we barely spoke together much. For impatience, I really just wanted to start grouping up. That’s all I wanted. I can be patient but everyone was just talking about weapons. I just wanted to group up and play. 2) Not here to cater to me, be customer support, or adult babysitter. I don’t remember asking anyone to be any of those things at all. 3) Don’t like it here? Go start own group. Again I never expressed any distaste for the server. I basically just treated it like a LFG server so I barely spoke in it at all except to look for groups. I talked maybe three times total.

4) I overtook the conversation to make it about me. Literally all I said was “Sorry guys, couldn’t get a word in. Whose the group leader so I can hunt down the friend code?” That’s not making it about me, that’s just wanting to start grouping up.

5) Don’t see me contributing. How? I don’t own the server. I was never asked to contribute anything, nor do I have any context for what the fuck that even means. I was in it for a DAY. 6) Complaints about me. Again I don’t see how or why. I barely spoke in it. I mean this is my tinfoil hat being put on but indeed this is my discord avatar;

And maybe because my voice is still male presenting (which is why I generally hate voice chatting but I will sometimes do so for team games like Darktide - because I know I’ll probably never see the same people more than once or twice). I’m wondering if there were just some closet bigots judging the disparity between my voice and choice of PfP. That might not be the case but it’s my leading theory considering, once again, I barely said anything in this server at all and only grouped up with some dudes in voice chat a single occasion.

7) Complaints were proven? I feel like impatience is the key complaint here and this guy just typed up all this nonsense to justify it. Again I don’t recall being particularly impatient with anything at all. A game in this genre does kind of push you forward a bit because if you fuck around too much it’ll spawn hordes on you which is a drain on resources. I still explore side rooms for materials and extra objectives but I don’t waste too much time on it in the event the map keeps throwing Mutants at us (which the map will sometimes do - especially on the Endless Hordes modifier which ups the elite spawns to an annoying degree). I don’t recall the very specifics of how I spoke in voice but I wager it’s like any other time - fairly quiet unless relevant information needs to be passed. Ammo here, hey I’m dropping medpack here, hey there’s a dog coming for me. 8) There were ‘rumors’ about me? This ties into my theory above a bit. Yet again I barely spoken in this server at all, text or otherwise. I only voice-grouped once, the night I was invited in to begin with. I probably did some casual chatting in the channels but not much because it was a multi-game discord and Darktide was the only one relevant to me personally. And it wasn’t a very chatty section of the discord. So I have no idea how rumors got started to begin with unless there’s just some dick in there stirring shit up because he can. Again, I kinda theorize it’s because of the separation between my voice and my pfp because it’s the only thing I can think of. “lol some guy tryna pass off as a lesbian”. Without even really knowing the context of it.

9) Don’t make your bad day someone else’s bad day. Honestly by itself this is a pretty good bit of advice. But then, let me copy and paste the statement I said in voice for a third time: “Sorry guys, couldn’t get a word in. Whose the group leader so I can hunt down the friend code?” Is that so harsh? Is that really making it about me? I wouldn’t have given a single shit if they kept talking about guns after but if they weren’t starting a group for a game then why did he keep pushing me to get in the voice channel? I didn’t ask for him to abandon his own spot for “my” fun. If there’s no room we can all just move on with our fucking day. It was such a huge overreaction that it just gave me some vague emotional whiplash. Thankfully I got over it pretty quickly during a game I queued for after this ordeal, but I wanted to type this out to sorta process the information (I am a writer after all). But goddamn. Censored the name but kept the avatar there because fuck that guy.

[an-isolated-lifeboat]

Taming Paper Chaos

Something I think comes with being home more is you wind up seeing your mess more and that takes a toll when it is literally your only place to be. One thing that I struggled with for years that I finally have seemed to turn a corner on is paper clutter. While I have most things on paperless, there’s always still papers that I need to organize, whether because I have to keep a hard copy or those things that just don’t have paperless options. 

Note: If you don’t have your own place, I have options for bedroom and backpack options further down.

My System

I looked at A LOT of paper organization systems over the years and the one I’ve settled on is mostly inspired by the Minimal Mom on YouTube. One main difference is I have to keep my action items visual or I will absolutely forget them. 

I also don’t have “long term files” the way she does. I’m not sure why but it’s not really been relevant in my life. Perhaps because I don’t have kids and am not likely to be able to own a house.

A note - do not put this in your ideal place. Put this where people are dumping all their papers anyways. That’s usually going to be a flat surface, so try to find or make a vertical one right near it. 

With that in mind, here is my system. 

Pretty underwhelming right? But let’s talk about the components. The most visual part are my action items which I clip to the front of the fridge. All items get tagged with the task associated with them. This is...so key. Before I’d clip things up and it felt like it would take forever to deal with so I avoided them. Now I realize most paper items really only require one or two tasks at most to deal with and I’m keep the executive functioning of deciding what to do separate from the executive functioning of deciding when to do it. 

I also don’t fuck with due dates anymore. I just date them with the date they went up on the fridge so I can see how much time has elapsed. As you can see, this one has become a stuck task. I don’t feel too guilty about it because I know I’m working through the wall of awful around it and I’ll get to it when I can. I clear most things by the end of the week they go up. Anything that stays longer than a month - probably a stuck task. 

My items get clipped to the right side of the fridge and get green post it notes and my partner’s get clipped to the left side and get purple post it notes. That way it’s very easy to see who has what task and I don’t feel like I need to nag because it’s very clear, that’s hers and it’s her decision how to handle it. I don’t need to worry about it. 

I also use the post it notes to request her to do non routine tasks I need her to do (lifting things so I don’t throw out my back, maintenance she’s qualified to do but I’m not, etc). It cuts down on nagging because she sees it when she sees it and can decide to do it whenever she feels like it. She generally prefers to texts her requests of me which I’m fine with. 

Next is the time will tell bin. Coupons you’re not sure you’re gonna use - they go here. Catalogs you might order from - also go here. Can’t think of the next steps with an item but you figure you probably shouldn’t throw it out - put it here. 

The idea with this bin is that is that you go through it every so often, either as if gets full or at regularly scheduled intervals. You see what’s expired, what’s out of season, what’s no longer important to you and you toss those things out. At some point you’ll get tired of seeing something every time you go through it and probably toss it. Or you won’t and it’s fine because it’s contained in this little bin. 

The rule with this bin though is that you can only keep what fits in this bin. If it’s piled up to the point where it’s falling out on the sides, you gotta find something that’s less interesting or relevant to you to get rid of. 

Last is the important documents folder. This is for ID documents, legal documents, taxes, housing information like current and past leases, etc. This one was supposed to be very bright green so it would be easy to spot and direct people to in an emergency buuut the seller did not send what was pictured and I’m making do with this until I can swap it out. I sit it under the time will tell bin so it’s easy to file things when I’m sorting mail. 

If you only have a room...

If you’re in a dorm, living with roommates, or staying with family, you probably don’t have a big fridge to use to clip up action items. You could swap it for something like a bulletin board but I’m partial to wall grids like this and bulldog clips. You can attach them with removeable wall hooks so they’re very dorm/renter friendly. If you’re short on space you can even put one up on the back of a door. 

I still think it’s important to tag the paper items with the task associated with them and the date you put it up. Some grids have options for bins for pens and the like which would accommodate some post it notes as well, that way you can keep them close at hand. 

That takes care of your action items and the rest can stay the same. Find a spot on a shelf for your time will tell bin and important document folder. Set a reminder to go through it as often as you’d like to if it’s some place you will not easily see it fill up. 

If you’re very mobile...

If you’re very mobile, whether that’s for work or you don’t have a stable living situation or perhaps you’re young and you’re going between the houses of parents who’ve separated each week, you still have options. 

For your action items, I recommend a clear pocket folder with a zip so things don’t get lost and you can clearly see when it has items in it. I’d recommend putting the most urgent item at the front so it stays top of mind. You can keep some post its and a pen in the folder itself and make a rule to tag things with their action before you put it in the folder. 

For your time will tell bin, I’d probably use an opaque pocket folder with a zip. I don’t need to see what’s in it. If I need it, I’ll go looking for it and I’ll clear through it at least once a month anyways. If you get catalogs occasionally, it should be big enough to accommodate those - one of the main things that gets stuck in my time will tell bin especially in spring. It does mean you’ll have less space than a bin so you’ll probably have to churn through it quicker. 

You could also opt for a small accordion folder that isn’t brightly colored - to contrast with your important docs folder. I’d personally worry that that’d make me feel like I needed to sort things into categories which would slow me down and overwhelm me so I probably wouldn’t opt for that. But if that works better for you, go for it! 

And your important documents folder once again would stay the same - brightly colored accordion folder with tabs for personal ID docs, taxes, health records, etc. 

Since these are less visual, it’s extra important to set a reminder on your phone or calendar to nudge you to check them. I’d check the action folder at least once a week and I’d check the the time will tell bin whenever it starts getting full or monthly. Ideally whenever you’re setting up at a place, I’d keep them in a visual place, but I also get sometimes you’re moving literally everyday and that might be a hassle. Use your judgment. 

If you’ve got a backpack with a laptop pocket, consider getting a laptop sleeve for your computer and using the pocket for keeping your paper system in place. Keep it and your planner or bullet journal all in one place and you’ll always know where to look or in an emergency, where to direct people to. 

Flow

You have a document that you know isn’t trash. 

Is it important?

>>> If yes, is it urgent/requires action?

>>>>>> If yes, tag it with an action and today’s date. Put with action items.

>>>>>>If no, file in important documents folder.

>>> If no or I don’t know, put in time will tell bin. 

What About...

...school work?

Personally, depending on the amount of paper I’m getting from school, I’d probably just file it according to this system. Tag action items. Time will tell. Important docs - maybe a section for syllabi. I’d also probably use it mostly as an intermediary - digitize what needs digitized, get tasks into my task system (bullet journal; collections). 

But it really depends on what kind of school work you’re doing as to whether that would work. If you’re doing courses that are very paper heavy, an additional system for that work specifically might be needed. 

…receipts, more extensive financial files?

That is not my bag. I avoid that shit like the plague. Check out this video for mid and long term filing options. 

If you’re dealing with someone’s affairs after they’ve passed away, I highly recommend making a separate system (action, time will tell, important docs) for those items as they’re draining to see mixed in with your day to day items. Consider setting up a system like I describe for people who are very mobile and keeping it near by your main system so it’s easy put things where they need to go but you don’t have to look at it all the time. 

...children’s art work?

Memory boxes are great, for you and for kids. Check out this video. 

...schedules, papers I need to reference?

Tag schedules with a post it reminder to put the dates in your calendar, then toss (or scan and toss). For information you need to reference, use a scanner app on your phone to digitize it and attach to a calendar item if relevant or file with digital references. 

[violetlilysunshine]

Jealous

Boyfriend Chris Evans x Female Reader

Requested

Anon: hello, hope you had a good weekend! may I please request a fluff where the reader got jealous because of someone hitting on chris and him loving it because the reader doesn’t really show jealousy over that kind of stuff 😅 thank you and really really love all your stories 💕

WC: 1,245

Warnings: allusion to smut, jealous reader

MASTERLIST

You and Chris had been together for a little while, but had been keeping your relationship quiet. Mostly to stay out of the media - specifically he was worried about fans’ reactions - but you both kind of liked keeping to yourselves because it was more personal that way: sneaking glances at each other during events, or slyly grabbing pinkies when passing by each other, or finding ways to sneak away from a group for a few minutes for a quick kiss. It kept it fun and light, but gave you both time to figure out how you really felt about each other without any pressures from anyone else; you enjoyed living in your own little bubble.

Tonight you were at some party you didn’t particularly want to be at. You'd hoped to spend tonight on the couch with Chris, but his manager told him he had to come and at least make an appearance. Your manager wanted you to come as well, so she was happy when you agreed with minimal argument - because you already knew Chris would be there and you just wanted to see him.

You were standing with a few friends, not really participating in the conversation but laughing occasionally. Most of your focus was on sneaking glances at Chris; your friend noticed of course.

“Oooh, who’s caught your eye?” she teased you.

You snapped your head back to her, “oh, no one,” you blushed.

“Mmmhmm, no one,” she continued, following where your eyeline had been. “Oh, Chris of course!” she exclaimed.

“Shhhhh!” You hurried, grabbing her arm forcibly.

She just laughed at you, “well, go talk to him!”

You blushed quickly, thinking if only she knew.

You brushed it off, turning the conversation back to the rest of your friends. You still snuck glances at Chris, catching his eyes on you a few times as well.

You made eye contact, and he tweaked his head towards the hallway, subtly asking if you wanted to sneak away with him. You nodded ever so slightly in response.

He smiled quickly, turning back to his friends to excuse himself politely, while you lingered in your group for a second to avoid suspicion.

Just as he was stepping away, a girl walked in front of him, catching his attention. He stopped abruptly, not wanting to be rude. He glanced at you quickly, making sure you saw what happened and wouldn’t be waiting for him. You smiled smally in reassurance, watching out of the corner of your eye for when he slips out.

Time ticked on and you were starting to get restless; you could see Chris trying to escape, but to no avail.

You were just about to lose hope of sneaking off and submerge yourself into the conversation fully when you saw it: she looped her arm through his, clasping her other hand around his bicep, and began to pull him across the room.

Your blood boiled as you watched him trail alongside her. Your eyes zeroed in on her fingers, taking the place of yours; you couldn’t see anything else but her perfect French tips caressing your man.

In reality, it wasn’t that big of a deal, her touch probably wasn’t as venomous as you made it out to be, but you couldn’t see anything but red.

Chris of course had glanced at you, still trying to pull himself away, but he saw your furrowed brow, your clenched jaw, and laser eyes immediately. Part of him wanted to laugh because it was so cute seeing you all jealous and possessive - something you’d never displayed before. But the more rational part knew that now was not the time, still not wanting to give away the nature of your relationship.

This time all of your friends noticed your lack of participation in the conversation, quickly following your gaze. They began to laugh lightly, not knowing the whole story of course.

“Girl, if you want him, you better make a move fast,” one joked.

“Yeah get a move on! He’s not gonna wait all day,” another taunted.

You could barely hear what was being said as you dropped your drink carelessly on the table and followed Chris across the room.

You quickly fell in behind them, Chris noticing your proximity immediately and he smirked to himself. Once they stopped in front of the bar, you reached up and tapped a shaking finger on his shoulder, trying to figure out exactly what to say.

He was quick to turn around, trying to shrug off his accomplice but she held on tight. She was met with your sickeningly sweet fake smile as she was turned with him, her grip tightening on Chris’ arm immediately.

“Hi, I’m Y/N,” you reached up, grabbing both of her hands and beginning to unwrap them, “and I’d appreciate it if you would take your hands off my man. Thanks,” you spoke, voice laced with venom.

Her face paled immediately, feeling the strength of your grip and seeing the anger heating your cheeks.

“Right, uh, sorry I guess...” she answered quietly, scampering away in fear.

Chris was quick to look down at your hands, both clasped tightly around his bicep, just where hers had been. He chuckled to himself, falling even more in love with you, not that he’d told you that yet of course.

“Well that’s something I’ve never seen from you,” he whispered lowly, gently guiding your hands back to your sides.

You glanced up at his softened eyes and wide smirk, feeling the anger begin to leave your body. “Well she needs to learn to keep her hands to herself,” you answered, still running hot.

“I think you taught her that,” he laughed again, still keeping his voice low.

“Well, what’s mine is mine,” you answered firmly, taking another step closer to him.

He chuckled in response, whispering back, “I’m yours, doll, don’t you worry.”

You took another step closer, tilting your chin up slightly, silently asking for a kiss.

“Not here, babe,” he reminded you. Even though he so desperately wanted to get his hands on you too, there were way too many people of the press here who would have a field day with that. Of course, what’s-her-name was probably telling people about the incident and it would probably be everywhere tomorrow, but now wasn’t the time to worry about that.

“Why don’t we get out of here?” he suggested with a quirk of his brow, “you can put your mark on me…”

“Mmm, sounds lovely,” you hummed, feeling your body return to normal.

You glanced back at your friends, giving them a small smile as they watched your hand trail down his sleeve, pulling at its cuff gently, before dropping to your side.

Their faces lit up, eyes widening and smirks forming as they watched you follow Chris out the door. He was quick to put some distance between the two of you outside, not wanting anyone to pick up on what was going down should a photo be taken, but he spoke over his shoulder just loud enough for you alone to hear.

“See you at mine in 20. You get dessert, I’ll get condoms.”

You could hear the smirk in his voice, watching him scramble to pull his keys out of his pocket. You laughed loudly at his back, not answering him.

“Brownies and ice cream, preferably!” he called, climbing in his car.

You giggled again, hopping in your own car quickly to follow his instructions.

[chil2de]

hi yes the benimaru fic i mentioned earlier— fire force fandom will you let me in please??🥺🥺 i don’t know what i’m dealing with fanbase wise mmfldjfj sometimes it feels like i’m head over heels for bens by myself so... i’ll drop this here for now.. see how it goes and i’ll continue w/ a second part if ff isn’t dead

nsfw themes throughout, so please read my disclaimer if you’re new. enjoy :)

w.c: 1.7k, characters: 9.6k (incl spaces)

-

there’s a certain sluggish quality that plagues your movements. it’s not fatigue or incompetence. or so benimaru would hope.

his mix matched gaze glosses over your unnecessary movements. that extra exhale you hiss, the additional bat of your eyelashes and the excessive perspiration that drips onto the earth below.

“stop.” he commands, tone low and stern as it pierces through the open air.

“huh? captain shinmon, i’m fine. we can keep going.” you huff through laboured breaths, pausing to gasp and drink in the plentiful oxygen around you.

“it’s one thing if you’re overworking your muscles. it’s another if you’re running a fever. go inside.”

“b-but captain-“

benimaru shoots you a dead stare, keeping his statement rooted deep where he stands.

judging by the bruises that adorn your knees, you know better than to disobey the captain.

“waka! have you seen (l/n)?” konro lingers in the doorframe of the main communal area, gaze scanning for one of his colleagues.

“she’s in her room. why?”

“her room? she has a few errands to run. is she feeling okay?”

“she’s running a fever.” benimaru exhales, shifting to get up from the table. he lightly scratches the back of his neck, adorning that usual aloof facial expression.

“in the middle of summer? how’d that happen?” konro chuckles through a small glimpse of bewilderment. of course he’d be concerned for one of his best recruits.

“hell if i know. what do we need? i’ll head out.”

if anything, benimaru is probably the sole reason why you’re running a fever. why he subjected to railing you underneath water that felt like it was nearing sub-zero was beyond you. it’s not like he’s about to admit he enjoys fucking his special little fire soldier. how he relishes and engrains the sight of your fucked out facial expression deep into his head, burning the image into his retinas. shit, you wouldn’t be surprised if the reason why he sometimes spaces out is because of you.

it’s always been blatantly obvious that you’re the captain’s favourite, no matter how much he denies it and how many glares he shoots at the people from other companies. you’re always left apologising for his behaviour, attempting to keep a straight face.

for the one time you dragged him out to patrol with you, and the amount of incessant whining, complaints and bribes you offered your captain, after a full month of lovely slow burn he decided to come along with you. he just up and left, had the audacity to turn around and ask you why you’re still standing there. benimaru always kept his distance to yours close, in fact the separation was almost minimal. you could feel his shoulders ghost over you.

every time he noticed someone staring at your figure for a little bit too long to be deemed appropriate, he hissed a scoff of distaste. at around the third or fourth person, you were already forced to deal with his short temper.

“what the hell are you gawking at? mind your damn business.”

but sure. apparently you’re not his favourite.

he can scoff and complain all he wants, but that won’t stop him even now from lazily snaking his hand around to his favourite baby girl’s waist. to him, this seems like the most normal thing.

“how else is she going to stand upright? she’s all stick and bones, the wind will knock her right over.”

okay, benimaru. you keep telling yourself that. even when his fingers feel an itch every time they’re not touching a part of your skin. he tends to get a whole lot more mouthy and irritable every time you’re not around, too.

hell, even his own townsfolk pick up on the fact that he’s out and about more. rounds that he always left to the lesser important underlings became more commonplace, especially with you by his side.

but the things that go on behind closed doors?

his peppermint red eyes that haunt your mind, infiltrating your very thoughts. you could be minding your business, going on about your day until you get an abrupt flicker of his mundane tic-tac-toe gaze staring up at you from in between your thighs.

you could be taking care of hinata and hikage, entertaining their antics when you feel the weight of benimaru’s stare burn holes into your uniform.

you could be doing your daily sparring with the captain. in the zone, breath held and blood stream steady until you remember the feel of his hot tongue trailing along the side of your neck. for someone who seems to be stuck in a perpetual state of sadness, you always catch the arrogant smirk that pulls at his lips.

“thinking of something?” he’ll cock his eyebrows, using the distraction to take a jab to your gut.

you groan, stirring around in your bed. you hate him, hate that stupid half lidded gaze of his. you hate how soft his wavy jet black locks are. the way the strands tug and bend whenever you try to yank his face away from your cunt. you run your fingers through your hair in a valiant yet futile attempt to free your thoughts from your captain. it’s only three o’clock in the afternoon, and you haven’t done anything but reminisce about your lover for the past hour and a half.

a meek and uneven sigh hisses from your lips. your eyes screw open and you flinch at the hard sunlight that pours in from the window. as you use the inner portion of your elbow to shield your gaze, you catch glimpse of a very familiar figure in the doorway.

“captain shinmon?” you inquire, propping yourself up onto your elbows. he closes the door behind him. you’re certain that you looked like a loyal dog sat panting and wagging its tail upon discovering the return of their owner.

“excited to see me?” he remarks in a flat tone, opening the grocery bag he’s carrying before setting a few things down onto your nightstand. it’s mostly medicine, though he snags a few of your favourite snacks and drinks. there’s also one of those fascinating green tea bottles that you buy at the vending machines, except they’re served piping hot.

“how’re you feeling?”

“i told you i was going to get sick if we had the water that cold.” you huff, averting your gaze in a fit.

“not my problem you can’t take a little temperature difference”

“a little? that shit was freezing! how the hell can you take water that cold?”

“how can you not?”

you chuckle a little, shifting to stare up at the ceiling.

“don’t you have paperwork to do?”

“you know i don’t do paperwork. sure as hell not gonna start doing it now.” benimaru huffs, kicking his boots off by the door. you can hear his clothes rustling and your head snaps to face him. he shoots you a glare, as though to scold you. it’s dripping on his face. ‘really? you’re so eager.’

“move up.” he cocks his head to the side, motioning for you to move over. you shift up, room spinning a little too much for your tastes. the mattress dips with his weight and his right arm (our left) reflexively hangs in the air for you to dip your head into the crook of where his shoulder and collarbone meet. he discards his navy kimono, the article of clothing hangs on one of the hooks at the back of your door. it’s probably not much comfort for him to be relaxing in a bed with half of his uniform still on.

you squish your face against his hard chest, head rising and falling in time with his breathing. the said arm relaxes and his hand rests against your shoulder. subsequently, you realise this is the first time you’ve seen him fully without his kimono on. at the very least, he’d still have the other sleeve on.

benimaru notices your blatant staring at his other arm. he can’t comprehend why you’d gawk at it now, since he’s used it plenty of times to choke you.

he hums a small ‘hm’ in question, asking you what you’re so fascinated about. you can feel his voice thrum and rock against his chest, it sends small shivers licking your body that he doesn’t miss.

“you look so funny without your kimono on. why don’t you wear it like this more often?” you drag your nails softly against his biceps. there’s a small groan that hisses from him. as you await his response, you outline a large vein that runs from his upper arm and trails down all the way to his wrist.

“i get cold easily.”

“then why did you take a shower with me?”

“are you hearing yourself?”

surely a little bit of his body temperature was enough to sacrifice. even if it meant he was sneezing a little bit and shivering afterwards.

“seriously? you can take a tranquiliser but you can’t stand a little cold?”

“you’ll make a shitty wife if you can’t even keep me warm.”

“beni!” you hiss at benimaru in appaul, craning your face up to guffaw at him. the manners on him sometimes are despicable.

you pout, shifting your upper weight to flick benimaru in between his eyebrows. he screws his face in mutiny, lips curled into a scowl.

you and him both know that if it were anyone else flicking him like that, they’d be sent crashing through six different blocks of houses down the street.

“oi.” he warns you, tutting.

“konro come by and work some voodoo magic bullshit on you? ‘cause you’re testing your luck by pissing me off. you’re such a menace when you’re sick, it’s unbelievable.”

you hum in awe, inching your face closer towards his. there’s a wave of mockery that paints your face green and you can only laugh at the unrest that swirls in benimaru’s eyes.

he won’t have his pet talking down to him like that. no, no. that just won’t do.

“oh? really? you want me to do it again?” you flash him a cocky smirk, digits curled into a flicking position. you rest the bridge of your middle finger against benimaru’s forehead, slicking some of his charcoal stained locks out the way.

his left hand flies to catch your hand in an instant. with just two of his fingers, he can wrap himself around your wrist. his touch is assertive, firm. he can drag you the fuck away from him as he pleases, but there’s no real malice or force behind him just yet.

“yeah? try me.” he barks, peering down at you through his lashes.

you just might.