#so I’ll post eps 4 and 5 this week I promise

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

April 2023 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bed Friend (Sat YT, GaGa & iQIYI uncut) ep 9 of 10 - My biggest concern is that Uea left his sister in that house with a known abuser. Meanwhile, the office teasing was cute. I’m thinking that the final two episodes were mostly added to deal with the backstory resolution of the family drama, and to add a sappy proposal thing. I’m not necessarily mad about it, but I do think there’s probably would’ve been a better tighter story at 8 episodes. 

Future (Thai Sun YouTube & Gaga) ep 4 of 5 - There is nothing to this show but softness. Also we visited my old exclamation to the BL gods: please don’t make them act crying. It’s so difficult to watch. That said I still love this  stupid show.

Pastsenger (Thai Weds Gaga) 6 of 12 eps - Wow. Sides kissing. Brave high school kid! Also mains. Wait. What is happening? 

A Boss and a Babe (Fri YouTube) ep 7 of 12 - Having a rich boyfriend sure is clutch. Boss is smart to ingratiate himself with his boyfriend’s gaming team. Also there is no doubt that they are complete and total boyfriends, the most boyfriendly boyfriends ever. 

Tin Tam Jai (Tues Gaga & iQIYI) ep 8 of 12 - I’m pretty much fast forwarding anything to do with the main couple I just find them so boring. Although my beloved side dishes have disappeared. So I guess I am watching it for the faen fatal? 

Chains of Heart (Sat iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - Whatever. Good sex scene tho. Bummer about the, ya know, story. 

The Promise (Thai Weds YT) ep 6 of 10 - ON HIATUS UNTIL APRIL 19.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Dining Table AKA Bokura no Shokutaku (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - It’s just the best. It’s so sweet. Yutaka’s little smile because the kid likes him and wants to cook with him is probably the warmest most endearing thing ever to happen in JBL. 

Unintentional Love Story (Korea Thurs iQIYI) 9-10 fin - sorry I won’t have a chance to watch this until early next week but I promise to post about it! 

The Eighth Sense (Korea Weds Viki) eps 5-6 of 10 - Hyung mistakes made by constantly acting EXACTLY like bf in front of their friends is very cute. I don’t have much to say a this time. Narrative and characterization is unfolding as expected, staying tense as we get little nuggets of backstory. Lines will be crossed, one way or another. The trot part was VERY funny. Also we got us a on screen rep of a fairygodBLer. These two kiss well but all I can see when they do is how much pain is incoming. I don’t know what was up with the ending but we do have 4 more to go, so I don’t think we are actually in an H3:MODC situation. 

My Story (Pinoy Sat YouTube) - It’s a bit frenetic, camp, crazy, and outrageous, but I’m not mad about any of that because it’s classic Pinoy BL. So I think I’ll keep watching. This is the same characters as My Day. Which means they did break up the main couple from that series. So if that’s going to traumatize you, be aware. There are a lot of storylines going on. And I’m just not sure BL from the Philippines can handle this much at once, they may have bitten of more BL than they can chew. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) - Japan is so weird. I mean that in a good way (but also sometimes in a bad way). Also sometimes just weird. Also embarrassing and cringe. I’m going to watch it but I don’t like it very much. 

It’s Airing But ...

Love Syndrome (Thai Sat WeTV) stopped at ep 2 of 12 - I’m just not into any aspect of it (except Lee Long Shi and I can watch him in Tin Tem Jai) - saving to binge if the end is solid.

Venus in the Sky (Sat YouTube) pilot/tester?) 0 of 10 - not entirely sure what’s up with this one distribution-wise, but the pilot was cute, classic university-set pulp. I hope it happens because the leads are cute with good chemsitry and I thought it was fun. However, it totally holds together as it’s own little short story too.

Make a Wish (Thai Weds ?) from WaGa Creative staring Fluke Natouch (OhmFluke UWMA etc...) & Judo (The Miracle Of Teddy Bear) in a medical-fantasy. About a doctor who sees ghosts and a deity who resides in a Bodhi tree that earns merits whenever he fulfills a wish based on a y-novel by Sammon (Manner of Death, Triage). Same as above.

In Case You Missed it

Cafe In Love 10 eps finished its run.

Destiny Seeker 10 eps also finished its run.

A First Love Story is on Gaga now. It’s my favorite BL short ever made, check it out. It’s wonderful.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Starting:

04.18 Step By Step (Thai WeTV & Gaga) - 10 eps office age gap, I am all in! 

04.19 The Promise is back!

Finishing: Bed Friend, Chains, Future

I might start watching Destiny Seeker or Cafe in Love, or both.

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

En of Love franchise leaning into its brand (Future the series)

I love their friendship and their bromances and this was an adorable moment ... but now I want these two to lead out a BL together. 

I love an “accidental” outing (both Boss & Babe). 

Calling out tropes and characterization, as ya do.

Passing along the familial obligation of care. 

 (all Bed Friend) 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Block B’s Very Good, I TOLD you I’ve been dipping into the well a lot recently. I really miss Kpop’s 2nd gen insanity phase. 

[raccoonsmate4life]

I posted 449 times in 2022

That's 220 more posts than 2021!

263 posts created (59%)

186 posts reblogged (41%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@morganupstead

@chrisodonline

@eagerforthesky

@chicgeekgirl89

@raccoonsmate4life

I tagged 413 of my posts in 2022

Only 8% of my posts had no tags

#ncisla - 256 posts

#chicago fire - 117 posts

#stellaride - 60 posts

#kelly severide - 37 posts

#stella kidd - 36 posts

#densi - 34 posts

#stellaride wedding - 32 posts

#13x22 - 29 posts

#chicago pd - 22 posts

#13x21 - 20 posts

Longest Tag: 80 characters

#i published another post-ep the other day (different fandom) and it felt so good

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

This is not a drill.

I have been writing again.  Mostly Stellaride, but I am working on a Densi post-ep from last week and have a multi-chapter idea for Densi that I’m trying to plan out.  It’s amazing what a change in antidepressant protocol can do!

I haven’t been posting my Stellaride stuff on ff.net because the audience seems to mostly be on AO3, but I’ll post my Densi stuff both places.

Stellaride post 10x10

Stellaride post 10x11

Stellaride collection

Stellaride fix-it of Stella coming home

45 notes - Posted March 13, 2022

#4

I love Edit [Janko] Reagan

“Don’t look at me, you guys raised him”

47 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

#3

Please PLEASE tell me Mason wrote “Just Married” on Kelly’s car with post-it notes. PLEASE.

69 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

#2

“Kelly, the simple truth is that you are m a g i c to me. Whenever I’m at my lowest, you lift me up. You never leave my side. You are the goodest of men. And yes, we are taking a huge, crazy leap into the unknown, but we’re doing it together. And when I need to hear it, you’ll tell me, ‘you’ve got this Stella Kidd,’ and I’ll know that everything will be okay because it always is when I’m with you. I love you with everything I’ve got, Kelly Severide, and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“Stella, I decided a long time ago that if I was gonna be with you, I needed to be worthy of you, which seemed impossible. How do I become worthy of someone brave enough to show who they are inside and out? What makes me this better person that I keep hearing about is you keep me from locking things up. Instead, you made sure you really knew me. Then by some miracle, you still love me. Stella, I might never be worthy of you, but I promise to spend the rest of my life trying. And I love you.”

91 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Obv I went back and watched the Stellaride hospital scene like 15 times just now.  Things I loved:

- Stella being so worried she can’t even form a single complete thought

- the way she is afraid to touch him where he’s injured so she just keeps touching his face

- KELLY SEVERIDE WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES

- the way he tucks his head into her chest when she hugs him close

- the way he choked up when he told her he loved her

- the placement of his hands on her upper thighs when Boden walks in

- Kelly wiping his tears away as Boden and the detective come in

- DID I MENTION KELLY SEVERIDE WAS SO EMOTIONAL HE WAS BASICALLY CRYING??

- more face touching

- the way Stella cradles his head against her after they’re left alone again

YOU GUYS.  I just freaking love them so freaking much and they’re getting freaking married NEXT WEEK. 

98 notes - Posted May 18, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[zombolouge]

I posted 9,471 times in 2022

That's 5,247 more posts than 2021!

188 posts created (2%)

9,283 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@outerspacejellyfish

@m0th3rw4r

@trainwreckgenerator

@wrongcielo

@fewderpewders

I tagged 433 of my posts in 2022

#zombolouge writes - 135 posts

#shakarian - 84 posts

#fic - 69 posts

#mass effect - 52 posts

#longfic - 41 posts

#dragon age - 40 posts

#no star falls twice - 27 posts

#mass effect 3 - 26 posts

#for her grave a galaxy - 22 posts

#mass effect 2 - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#and if you read my shit and still think being a terf is the right way to be then you understand absolutely none of my writing and characters

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

reasons I’ve cried this week:

finished a big fic series

made very good fish tacos

stubbed my toe

fic comments

a fly wouldn’t leave me alone

thought I saw a face outside but it was just my reflection

I own this one lamp that’s really cool

I don’t have anymore fish to make fish tacos

I got mad that I’ll never fly to space

somebody on an old ep of Masterchef got eliminated for an ugly but delicious cake

I have a lot of emotional range but it all funnels into whatever part of my head chooses tears as an outlet.

19 notes - Posted May 1, 2022

#4

I don't want a job. People should just look at what I've already done in life and give me money about it.

22 notes - Posted November 5, 2022

#3

No Star Falls Twice: End.

art by @peachcott​

Well, we’ve arrived at the final push.

Chapter 31: I Promise, Chapter 32: The Cradle of All The Stars, and Chapter 33: Epilogue: A Soul for the Cosmos are all live.

Thanks to all that joined me on this adventure. <3

24 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

#2

Zom’s Writing Masterpost

ALL THE THINGS I’VE WRITTEN AND PUT OUT INTO THE VOID. Figured I’d compile it and make you look at it from time to time in the hopes that someday, eventually, one person will rise to the challenge and be the first to read all of it. ;)

FANFICTION by fandom

Dragon Age Series (948k words, 6 completed works and 1 WIP)

Mass Effect Series (415k words, 3 completed works)

A sequel Mass Effect Series (currently WIP, is related to the first but not connected on AO3)

Ace Attorney (277k words, 1 WIP)

Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild (174k words, 1 WIP)

Ninja Sex Party (43k words, 1 completed work)

Mystic Messenger (386k words, 1 completed work, and also this one is old and therefore a little rough around the edges by my own current standards but check it out if you want to measure my GROWTH)

There are also a handful of oneshots on AO3 amidst the bigger works.

ORIGINAL WORK

Luckless Series (fantasy, humor, heart)

Unlucky

The Lavender Dame

Standalone Fiction

The Choosing Chain - existential fiction about grief, trauma, and processing it all.

30 notes - Posted September 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

The Color of the Cosmos

art by @peachcott​

NEW FIC ALERT, BABES!!! I’m writing some Mass Effect fic now, please join me in Space Feels about Shakarian.

Chapters 1 and 2 of The Color of the Cosmos are live today, then you’ll get a chapter every other day until it’s all posted. Fic is done, second fic in the trilogy is almost done, third fic has plenty of work on it, and I’m an inhuman monster so I write fast enough that you shouldn’t have to wait. ;)

I worked hard on this so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I’ve enjoyed writing it. <3

35 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jemmo]

my sister watches bad buddy - ep 3

- omg look at his gay lil high school crush

- ‘that wasn’t a smile’ he says… smiling

- pran at the noodle shop like ‘rlly hope I’m I don’t run into that guy I mounted 10 seconds ago’

- omg the back and forth, the bickering, the domesticity of it all

- there’s an innuendo I could make about a chopstick fight but this is too cute to ruin

- pran wanna be that dumpling

- it’s a date! he paid, that means it’s a date!

- pat: let’s race pran: pls you’re so childish also pran: cheats to get a head start

- his lil floppy flops!!

- dw pran, pat will resort to underhand tactics to beat you

- his lil pouty lips!! he’s such a dick!!!

- STOP FUCKING FLIRTING

- can the man pls not be so lovesick, it’s putting me off my chicken

- fucking ok wai, what did the chair do to you??

- i could really do with a moral compass like pa. i need to be called out on my shit too

- oof. i felt when he dropped that can

- pat being the least subtle stalker ever

- pran grabbing pat by the shirt like ‘ may be mad but at least now I can fulfil my dream of pushing this man against a wall’

- noooooo don’t say that, he looks so sad *pat smirks* scratch that, I should’ve known, he’s evil

- pat trying to get back into pran’s good books like “you know you’d miss me if I wasn’t annoying you”

- me and pat have the same level of self-confidence except his is deserved and mine is delusional

- “you think I want to be this close” no in fact he wants to be closer

- pran’s longing stare is rlly stinking up that lift

- it’s like when someone farts in a lift and everyone’s looking around for the culprit except it’s just strangers looking at each other like ‘do you see those gays gaying over there’

- you ever plaster your whole body against your buddy for *jokes*

- can they stop with all the dog talk, it’s like they’re asking for a furry fic

- sniff him! sniff him! SNIFF HIM!

- and pran nutted right there

- he just wants to hang out! don’t be mean! he dressed up so hot for you!

- i will never cave so easy *gets called babe* I have caved

- pat malewife confirmed!!!!

- pat is on crack for this, how dare he

- i’m not against public sex, and pat was so mountable in that scene

- pat in this ep is just like *shouts aggressively* no I will be your knight in shining armour!

- pat might be a himbo but he can still manipulate his fellow himbos to do his bidding

- knock on the door already gay boy!!

- he’s reaching out! I’m so proud!

- omg can he stop tho. he’s too good, I actually hate it. stop being a good boy

- *physically convulsed and squealed bc of the way pat looked at pran*

- pran stop lusting so hard this is a public hallway!

- he a happy boi!!!!!

(ep 1) (ep 2)

+ if you miss my rants, heres a lil footnote

just wanted to add this bc me and my sister usually chat after the ep and she said something about how ep 3 is just pat trying to make pran happy, and trying to do good things for him, but them never working or pran always seeing the bad, and them not even being his fault but pat just trying to make things right. and then when everything’s settled, he rights something by giving pran his guitar back and finally he turns the door hanger and pat has made him happy! 

i just never thought of ep 3 like this, but it’s so cute. the way that none of it is his fault, the bus stop or the rebuild or the expenses, but bc the responsibility is put on pran, and pran kinda puts the blame on pat as a form of defence and bc it’s maybe easier to get mad at him than at the real guilty people, pat takes it upon himself to fix things. bc pat wouldn’t have done any of this normally, but bc it inconveniences pran and makes him sad, he has to do it. he’s not forced, he does it off his own back. and it’s almost like this healing cycle, bc it’s like pran knows he can blame pat bc pat will fix things, bc pat can put it right for him, it’s a way pran can take all the burden put on him and put it on someone else and have it looked after and dealt with. unlike every other negative force in his life, here he can be mad about something and see someone actually try to right it. no one else does that for him, not his parents or his friends. he’s mad at the situation but it’s like he knows voicing that won’t make them change. but here, pat changes, pat goes to the effort of doing this for him, where pran feels like no one else would. i just think that’s so good. 

and it’s the same with the guitar, it’s not pats fault, but bc pran has to take the fall, pat takes it upon himself to put things right and return it. getting mad at his mom won’t give him any catharsis bc she won’t apologise, but getting mad at pat, he will apologise, he will try to make up for it. and I just rlly like that pat is this way for pran to see that there’s good in the world, there’s ppl that want to do stuff for him, that his anger is valid and that ppl want to make him feel better. instead of always being responsible for other peoples feelings, someone else can be responsible for his. and i just know if Pat had seen him turn that door hanger he would’ve jumped for joy bc finally he made pran happy, that’s all he ever wants

[fragilevixenfic]

My AO3 Fanfiction Links (Current)

“I’ve never really thought about making a “Master List” of my own work but I figured, now is the time to do so. If any of the links are incorrect just let me know. I fix. 

Adding in a “keep reading” tab because the list is starting to get long and intense.

Each fic is categorized and easily referenced. I’ll update as I go.

X Files

Series

Into The Shadows

XII (COMPLETE): A serial killer targets victims and leaves behind symbols of his affection -- but who is his intended target and what will it take to discover the truth? (This has a lot of trigger warnings)

Dance In The Dark (ONGOING Chapters 12/? Posted **UPDATED):  With the continuing murder trial of Miles, Mulder, Scully, and Max are confronted by the VCU with a case that seems to be mimicking the pattern by their, now infamous, psychopath on trial.

Echoes and Whispers

Parallel (COMPLETE):  The aftermath of the three little words that Mulder says to Scully in his hospital bed after being rescued from the Queen Anne as it re-appeared in the Bermuda Triangle...and the strange connection that Scully starts to feel to a memory that Scully couldn't possibly have.

Only The Night (ONGOING):  Mulder and Scully begin their undercover assignment as an engaged couple with the assistance of Skinner at the University of Maryland to catch a serial rapist, putting their newly formed physical bond to the test in this sequel to “Parallel”.

Casefics

Falling Away (COMPLETE):  Kersh’s assignment partially splits the team as Scully goes undercover under the watchful eye of Mulder as they both assist on an operation with SWAT and FBI personnel. (A gift for Greta)

Veritas se revēlet (COMPLETE):  (The title is roughly translated to let the truth be revealed in Latin) An impromptu wild goose chase leads Mulder and Scully to the drifts of a winter-locked Tonopah, Nevada—where a little more than the embodiment of Mulder’s imagination takes shape between the walls of the Mizpah Hotel in the dead of winter. (A gift for @monikafilefan)

She Walks at Night (COMPLETE):  Mulder’s knack for getting himself and Scully into sticky situations leads them to the heart of NOLA at the tail end of Hurricane season after barely surviving a Floridian storm—to investigate a rumor of a notable Voodoo Queen and missing girls trying to bring her back. (A gift for @starbuck09256)

Intrigues in the Dark (COMPLETE):   A string of suicides leads Mulder and Scully to a sleepy, coastal town in Oregon for the second time—on their return to The X File—as tensions run high and nothing is as it seems. (A gift for @admiralty-xfd)

By Light, Unseen (COMPLETE):   A series of re-opened cold case murders with one link…they’d been drained of every drop of blood and wore the same, haunting stare toward the sky with their lips aghast as if they were still screaming. (A gift for @serahsanguine)

Post-Series

A House is Not a Home (COMPLETE):  The mere thought of raising a newborn in a world full of horrors has every part of Scully’s emotional irrationality over firing on a chilly, winter evening. Mulder wants nothing more than to show her that not everything is gray and grim. (for @danceswithcybermen)

Remember the Reason (COMPLETE):  Post Series (Part 1 of the “Little Redhead Series”). Mulder and Scully already knew that life with a newborn would be difficult but the first Christmas with their two-month-old daughter throws every curveball…some worse than others, some more humorous. (For @underworldobsessed)

Confectioners Sugar & Snow Drifts (COMPLETE):  Post Series (Part 2 of the “Little Redhead Series”). Mulder spends the morning bonding with Eliana by having a Christmas baking session while Scully is out shopping for gifts. Messes, mayhem, and a healthy dose of laughter ensue. No moment is ever dull as the snow falls outside.

The Easter Bunny was a Fox (COMPLETE):  Post Series (Part 3 of the “Little Redhead” Series). Scully has to pick up Bill, Tara, and a couple of surprise family from the airport, leaving Mulder alone with their 6-year-old daughter, Eliana, on Easter Morning. All she has for him are curiosities as Easter’s non-Christian ideology unfolds before her eyes…creating the most unique bonding opportunity for a father and his daughter. (For Flicked_Switch)

Angst/UST/RST

Caught in the Rain (COMPLETE):  A dark, rainy night leads Mulder and Scully to a hole in the wall bar where glasses of Scotch and unresolved tension is re-visited.

Or We Can Burn (COMPLETE):  Post Never Again - expansion and continuation of the aftermath surrounding what Scully has been hiding from Mulder.

It Lingers (COMPLETE):  The aftermath of trauma and the lingering effects of Mulder’s risky attempt to recover the truth about Samantha’s abduction leads to a revelation from Scully about her own coping mechanisms and flashes into a past she doesn’t fully remember...and the path to which they lead thereafter. (For @red2007)

Fluff/Humor

Nervous Laughter (COMPLETE):  It’s been two full days since their tender, albeit brief, moment at the stroke of midnight and Mulder decides to be brave and methodical by inviting Scully over for a little movie and popcorn night for a film that has stayed locked in his mind as her favorite—The Exorcist. (This is a gift for @rationalcashew)

Lamplight & Shooting Stars (COMPLETE):  It’s Spring-time in DC and spontaneous, mutually taken vacation time has become a personal mission of Mulder’s to surprise Scully with so much more than an escape from their norm—and the unseasonable, uncomfortable city heat. (For @underworldobsessed)

Into the Nightlife (ONGOING):  A little paid vacation time never hurt anyone, right? (Not giving anything away this time)

Smut

Insomniac (COMPLETE):  Another lonely, sleepless night, another dingy motel, and another town that isn’t home for Mulder…but, something changed, with the last gasp of the air conditioner as his partner, and best friend, chooses to walk through the adjoining door. (Expanded writing exercise)

Vultus in Speculo (COMPLETE):  The last of the paperwork on the Strickland case has been finalized and filed and Scully goes off for a drink at a known FBI watering hole. Mulder is invited but doesn’t show up until after Scully is halfway through a drink—giving him an opening to inquire about a whole lot more than her flirtations with the Sheriff in the booth of a rooftop bar. (written for @msrheadcanon

Phosphorescence (COMPLETE):  Still reeling from their experience in North Carolina, Mulder and Scully take a much-needed excursion to the coast of Oregon, where a flicker of light becomes more than a curiosity in the middle of the night. (Written for @anniexami)

The Darker Side of Love (COMPLETE): Mulder does not want to talk but he does not want Scully to leave, either. (This is for the MSR fanzine vol 3)

Ficlets/Drabbles/Short Prompt Collection

Affirmations and Protestations: “Fluff and Angst” Prompts (ONGOING):  

 Chapter 1 - "You Weren't Supposed to Hear That" - prompt #5, 61, 77

Chapter 2 - "Shout!" - prompt #19, 61 (From Valerie)

Chapter 3 - "Litost" - prompt #1, 85, 97 (From Monika)

Chapter 4 - "Ad Infinitum" - prompt #42 (From Minuete)

Chapter 5 - "Brick" - prompt - After Scully calls Mulder in the ep Emily, she asks him to bring her some things from home. Her journal falls to the floor and Mulder sees some things written about him that she has never allowed him to know. (from Monika)

Chapter 6 - "I'd rather be oblivious" - prompt #46 (from Annie)

Criminal Minds

Angst/UST/RST

Dulce Periculum (COMPLETE):  Maxine and Spencer have continued seeing each other, in spite of the interference brought to the surface by Cat Adams. Spencer continues to work closely with the BAU after it nearly dismantled, with signature members scattering to the winds, leaving behind only a few, including himself, to keep working on their caseload. After a long, intense case, Spencer returns home to a little more than a can of worms. (A gift for an anonymous prompter)

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Angst/UST/RST

Chasing your Silhouette (COMPLETE):  They’d learned each other’s quirks and intricacies on the job—but when did it become over the line? When did physicality become a detriment to them once they’ve taken off their shields? When did they realize the line in the sand no longer existed? (This is meant to take place a couple weeks after “Zebras” – had to assume a timeline, I don’t remember actual dates)

Paternity Redux - Time Just Stopped (COMPLETE):  Her strength has always been immeasurable—but sometimes, something has to give and a string breaks. Nothing will ever be the same.“I’m trying my best, that is enough.” - UnknownThis is part of a challenge, to right a series of wrongs in an episode that has perpetrated many a discussion of “What Could Have Been”. WriterKC, Liv.Einziger, JustAnotherBookWorm78, MrsWellRested, EORocks, AlexisDawn, ChriskaPeach, and I have stepped up to the plate to do just that.

Oblivion (ONGOING 9/? Chapters posted ***UPDATED***):   The undercover operation in Oregon takes an unexpected, unpleasant turn for Olivia Benson as an injury turns her life, and career, upside-down leaving her with pieces of her memory scattered in the wind.

Humor

Unlock the Door (TENTATIVELY COMPLETE 2/2):   Olivia returns home from a celebratory series of shots with Kim Greylek and lets Elliot Stabler hear a little more than she ever intended to in the aftermath.

Series

Polaroids and Promises (COMPLETE):   The Special Victims Unit has undergone an enormous amount of changes in the past six months, to the point that they are drastically undermanned—until a transfer from the 13th precinct brings new life, and a little chaos, to the team. Will her addition prove to be a permanent shift or a flash in the pan?

Discarded Dignity (COMPLETE):   Elora continues to gain much-needed confidence as a member of the Special Victims Unit but an arrival booked for trespassing, assaulting an officer, and disorderly throws her progress into chaos as her past jumps to the surface. Will she be able to look beyond the misstep to solve one of the most convoluted cases she’s faced? 

Contract Corruption (ONGOING 10/?):   Dickie Stabler and Justin Andrisani are in over their heads--and the members of SVU and the Organized Crime task force must come together in order to set things right.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit/Organized Crime Crossover

Series

Words of love, words of lies, words of loss

Age of Regret (COMPLETE):  Elliot Stabler has never been good with words but ten years and a double on the rocks in a lonely room will make a man pour his heart out…in any way that he can.

Infidelis (COMPLETE): Elliot had been haunted by too many ghosts; expectations, fantasies, and a promise that he knew should never be kept. It was time to lay them all to rest. “I do not regret you…I regret what you did to me.” - Unknown

[mostlywritersblock]

Arcane FF

Author’s note. This is not a Silco/Powder but more of a trauma induced father-daughter relationship. That being said feel free to read it however you like. Hoping to post on AO3 here soon. I try to update every Monday and Wednesday. 

This takes place between Ep 3 and 4

Trigger warnings: trauma, gore, depictions of child death, panic attacks, slight suggestion of suicide. 

(I am in no way a medical professional so I apologize if my depictions of medical care are incorrect. Thank you!)

PS. This one has dark themes. Please see the warnings above. If that isn’t your cup of tea please feel free to skip, I promise we’ll get back to the hurt/comfort soon. 

Also this chapter is a little longer because I will be visiting family next week, so I’ll only be posting one chapter then instead of two.  

Thank you to all who read these btw, I feel like my pre-story notes keep getting longer and longer, sorry! 

Part 8.

Part 7. Part 6. Part 5. Part 4. Part 3. Part 2. Part 1.

New series: Aftermath (Silco centered fix-it fic) post every Friday.   

=============================================

Powder stared at the toy outstretched toward her. 

“…Where did you get that?” 

“Does it matter.” ‘Other Powder’ frowned, sitting down beside her. “Now.” She set the toy between them.

 “Let’s talk about Vi.”

================================================

The moment he opened his eyes, Silco knew he was dreaming. He was back in the cannery, daylight streaming through. Somehow he felt different. Blinking up and around him he slowly touched his face. 

And gasped. He didn’t need to see his reflection to know the scarring was gone. 

Stunned he slowly began walking towards the exit leading outside. 

Shielding his gaze from the bright light with a hand, he stopped at the entry. 

Fresh air greeted him. 

“Silco?”

===============================================

“Powder?” ‘Other Powder’ prodded her gently. “Do you wanna go first, or should I?” 

She stayed silent, staring down at the toy. The other version of her blew a raspberry. 

“Okay, I’ll go first.” She pulled the tory toward her. “Vi was holding us back.”

“What?” Powder frowned glancing at her, “no, why would-“

“Ah, ah! I said I’d go first, you can have your say in a minute.” 

She frowned but stayed quiet. 

“She didn’t believe in us. Even when she said she did, she didn’t mean it. She never gave us a chance to prove her wrong either.”

‘Other Powder’ slowly pushed the toy back in-between them. “Your turn.” 

Powder blinked, gently she pulled the stuffed animal into her arms. 

“She did give us a chance to prove her wrong, lots of them. Like the inventor…we just -kept messing up.” Powder squeezed the toy close. “Like we always do.”

===================================================

Silco spun around, but there was no one behind him. Glancing wildly about for signs of another person he stepped further outside. 

After a moment of looking, he narrowed his eyes, paranoia creeping up inside him. 

“Show yourself!” He growled out, body becoming tense. 

Silence. 

Quickly becoming frustrated, he marched back inside the cannery -

“Where are you going?” A voice called. 

- and stopped. Clenching his fist he stalked back outside, realizing the sun was swiftly setting. 

“I said show yourself!” He yelled, anger rising. 

A shadow suddenly ran past him. 

Momentarily startled, Silco gave chase. 

=================================================

 ‘Other Powder’ pulled at the animals ears as she held the toy. “What happened wasn’t our fault remember. The inventor shouldn’t have even made those things, I mean who does that?” She gave a hard yank, “But Vi blamed us for what happened, and Mylo blamed us for losing the stuff we’d found. But none of that was our fault.” 

Powder couldn’t say she necessarily disagreed. 

“And that whole speech on the roof, she made it sound like everyone makes mistakes. So why is it that when we do something wrong it’s suddenly; ‘Powder isn’t ready’ and ‘Powder should stay behind.’ Silco is right, if Vi had just taken us with her in the first place, none of this would have happened!” 

There was a small ‘rip’ as ‘Other Powder’ gave a particularly hard tug on an ear. 

“Oops, uh heh, sorry.” She placed the toy back down. 

==================================================

Silco followed the shadow toward the back of the building, night having suddenly fallen. A chill seemed to pick up around him. Feeling uneasy about the entire situation he slowed his pace as the figure dashed down the same alley/tunnel they’d taken the previous night. 

What was happening?? 

“Silco.” The voice eerily beckoned from within the darkness. 

He hesitated. Some part of him instinctively telling him not to go any closer. Against his better judgement however, he called out. 

“Who are you? Show yourself!” 

Suddenly the chill was replaced with an intense heat as an explosion went off behind him, the force of it knocking him forward onto his knees. Whipping his head around he watched as the cannery became alight, fire licking up from the bottom, windows blown open. 

Coughing heavily from the fumes, he stumbled back to his feet. Shocked, he watched as the building began to crumble inward on itself, the entire top floor collapsing. 

That hadn’t happened 

A scream ripped through the air. Silco’s eyes widened, the familiarity of it hitting him full force. 

Jinx! 

Taking off at a full sprint toward the burning building -

- Silco was painfully yanked back. Struggling against the grip, he moved to shove whoever was holding him away. Only to stop cold. 

“Where are you going?” Vander hissed, gripping him tightly. 

Stunned, Silco stared back, “Vander?” 

“I said where are you going?” The large man growled. 

Fumbling for words, Silco glanced at the building as another scream rang out. “Jinx, she needs help.” 

Vander frowned, his grip tightening even more if it were possible. “You can’t go in there.”

A weird righteous anger was rising in him as he tried to pull his arm free. “Let go!”

“You’re too late.” Vander spat out. It felt like a slap to the face. 

“No! Can’t you hear her, she needs help!” Wrenching his arm finally free he stepped back, but Vander made to grab him again. 

“You’ll only make things worse!” Vander yelled. Silco ignored him, choosing instead to race toward the building. 

==================================================

“Vi was trying to protect us.” Powder mumbled out, fingers playing with the ripped stitching, the ear hanging on by a thread. “That’s why she told us to stay. But…I wanted to help. I wanted to prove I could be just as good as everyone else. That I could be smart like Mylo, or tough like Claggor and…brave like Vi. That I could be someone Vander would be proud of…” 

Wearily, she held the toy out to ‘Other Powder’. 

Instead of taking it, she simply put a hand on the stuffed animal’s head. “They’re dead, Powder, we can’t be like them because we aren’t them. And we can’t make someone who isn’t here anymore proud, so why try. Why keep holding onto something that will only bring us pain.”

“The past can’t be changed, why waste time with ‘what ifs’ when it does more harm than good. The sooner you understand that, the better.” 

Powder blinked. “What did you say?” 

“I said I think it’s time we move on.”

======================================================

Silco hesitated as he reached the building, eyes scanning the area for any signs of movement. 

“Jinx!” He yelled. The smoke making it difficult to see anything. 

A scream came again, but not near the flames; further away this time. Confused he stepped back, following the sound once more to the side of the building. 

“Help me!” She screeched. 

Silco rounded the corner, Jinx coming into sight as he did so. 

Just like the night before. 

Only this time she wasn’t alone. There was another figure standing next to her. 

Swiftly moving toward the child he felt himself stumble as his eyes grew wide. It wasn’t some figure; it was him. 

Silco watched himself crouch down, Jinx sobbing a mere foot away. Time seemed to slow. It was surreal, seeing himself from afar like this. 

He waited. 

Waited for the child to fling herself at him, for him to drop the knife in surprise. To decide to take her with him. 

But as the seconds dragged on, the chill from before returned. 

“Please!” Jinx cried, “help me!” 

Silco took a hesitant step forward.

Why wasn’t it playing out like it had the night before? Why was-

The Silco near Jinx pulled out the knife. 

Jinx didn’t notice him though; instead she glanced over his shoulder, right at Him. 

Silco felt his stomach drop. 

“Help me!” She screamed. 

He ran. Fully prepared to knock into the other version of himself -

-the version of himself that was bringing the knife down on the child. 

“NO!” 

=====================================================

“I can’t just…move on.” Powder grumbled out, “they’re my family.”

“Correction. Were, they were your family.” ‘Other Powder’ scooted closer, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Look, I’m not saying we should forget them, I’m just saying maybe we stop dwelling on the past? If Vi really cares, she’ll come back, right? So why don’t we just enjoy our time until then.” 

Powder scrunched up her face, “enjoy our time?” 

“Yeah, I mean have you even thought about the possibilities now that we don’t have Vander telling us what to do and where to go? Or Vi breathing down our necks every time we want to explore the city. We’re free Powder. We can do whatever we want now!” She stood excitedly. “We can say whatever we want, eat whatever we want, take whatever -“

“Yeah, but, what about Silco?”

“…What about him?” 

Powder fiddled with the stuffed animal. “Don’t you think he’ll have rules too?” 

“Sure, all adults do.”

“Then…we’re not really free are we?” Powder frowned deeply. 

‘Other Powder’ folded her arms. “He’s different though.”

“How do you mean?” 

“He made us a sandwich and let us eat those muffins. You think Vander would have let us do that?” 

Powder was about to say ‘yes, yes he would’ but was cut off. 

“Besides…he gets us.” Then softer, “he gets me.” 

Powder looked at herself in confusion. “You? But we’re the same?” 

‘Other Powder’ looked down. There was something - off - about her gaze. “I told you. I’m better than you.” 

Powder felt the floor give a small shake, distracting her from the ‘Other Powder’s’ implication. Oh no! I’m doing it again! She quickly covered her face. Despair creeping in around her. 

===========================================================

Warning. Graphic depictions of gore and child death, skip to next line break.

No matter how hard he tried. He couldn’t reach her. Some unseen force was holding him back. Helpless he watched. 

He watched as a version of himself repeatedly brought the knife down, easily tearing through the child. Her screams still echoing in his ears. 

She was dead by the third strike. Silco had seen the light leave her eyes; that odd shade of blue and violet and face wet from her tears, frozen in time. 

There was blood. Everywhere, and as sick as the sight made him he couldn’t rip his gaze away. For some reason he felt as though he needed to see this, needed witness what might have happened. Too see just how monstrous he could have been. 

And in not saving her, he owed her. He owed her to see it through. 

Hands stained red, he watched himself shakily stand. 

“I told you.” 

Both Silcos turned around. 

“You’ll only make things worse.” Vander walked up beside him. 

Silco was unable to respond, instead he looked back at the child. 

“You know.” The other Silco spoke up, looking at Vander. “I couldn’t just let her walk away. I need The Lanes support, how would it look if word got out that I’d killed you?” 

“You’re not my only enemy Silco. Remember that.” Vander growled back. “There may not be any war, but the battle for Zaun has only just begun. Are you ready for that kind of responsibility.” 

The other Silco snarled. “I’ve been ready for years! You were the one who was never ready!”

“I did what I thought was right!”

“As did I!” 

Vaguely Silco realized the two had continued to yell insults at each other, ignoring both, he slowly made his way over to the child. 

The fire was beginning to spread, it’s blaze casting long shadows on her face. Eerily, it gave the appearance she was still breathing. 

Kneeling heavily beside her, he gently reached out, hands shaking. 

She was still warm. Silco felt bile rise up, turning away from her he emptied his stomach. 

How. 

How could he have considered killing her. 

A child. 

Shame, horror, anger, he didn’t know what to feel. He was disgusting. A true monster. 

Guilt. 

…her siblings had been children too, not nearly so young, but he hadn’t given them a second thought the moment they’d came for Vander.

He felt guilty. 

He’d wanted Vander to understand. To make him realize; to see that all he’d wanted was for the Underground to be as great as he knew it to be. What was so terrible about that? 

But Vander didn’t see, and so he’d set out to make him understand and in doing so, he’d destroyed this girl’s family. In doing so he’d broken her. 

Just like him. 

A broken.

Twisted. 

Vile. 

Monster. 

He felt the disfigurement return to his face. 

Slowly he turned back to her. 

========================================================

“Whoa! Did you feel that!” ‘Other Powder’ exclaimed, when the floor finally stopped shaking. 

“How do I stop this, I don’t what to make another hole.” Powder worried aloud, standing as well. 

“Actually - that one wasn’t you.” 

Powder looked at her in confusion. “What? I thought you said I made the hole, that I’m controlling this dream, or whatever.” She folded her arms, face becoming pensive.  

“Right, yeah, and you did. But just now…that might have been me.” ‘Other Powder’ said sheepishly. 

“So you’re controlling my dream now?”

“Our dream. And sure, but only because you’re letting me.” 

Powder was quickly becoming frustrated. “What do you mean? You keep changing what you’re saying.”

“Yeah, because you keep changing the rules!”

Powder froze. “What rules?” 

‘Other Powder’ let out her own frustrated sigh. “Whatever you want, usually we just follow whatever someone else tells us. But these last few days, we’ve been following less and less, and it’s been great! We’re leaders Powder, not followers! Why should we have to listen to anyone else!”

Powder glanced around the room, had it always been this dark? “Look, I don’t - I don’t really understand any of this -“

“Of course you don’t!” ‘Other Powder’ hissed, mood instantly turning sour. “You’ve been too busy trying be someone you're not that you’ve never even noticed me!” 

“But you are me!” She yelled, anger and a small bit of fear lacing her words. 

The room suddenly felt like it was closing in around them. 

What was happening??

‘Other Powder’ glared at her.

“For the last time. I’m not you, I’m -“

“Better, yeah, I heard you the first time!” Powder snarked but still moving away, “how can you though, if this is my dream, how are you better than me.” She snatched the stuffed animal off the floor. “And - and if I’m in control then I should get to decide what happens next.” 

‘Other Powder’ looked confused. “What?” 

“You’re scaring me.” Powder stated, holding the toy close. “I don’t want to be here anymore. I want to wake up.” 

Taking a step closer, ‘Other Powder’ reached out, “wait, don’t go, we still have so much more to talk about.” 

Powder looked down at the pit from earlier. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”

‘Other Powder’ flinched back, actually looking hurt. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do.” 

“Powder, please-“

“No.” Fearfully she looked between the hole and her other self. 

‘Other Powder’ narrowed her eyes. “You can’t leave, not yet.”

“I’m sorry.”

‘Other Powder’ frowned. “Why are you-“

Powder rushed her, and in one giant push, she shoved the other version of herself back  toward the hole. 

“What are you doing!” ‘Other Powder’ screeched, nails digging into her.

“I’m sorry!” She cried out again, eyes watering. 

‘Other Powder’ looked over her own shoulder, just as her heels dropped over the edge of the pit. She began to fall backwards. Reaching out she latched onto the stuffed toy. 

They stood for a moment. ‘Other Powder’ balancing on the tips of her toes and hanging by the ears of the toy. Powder standing firm as she stared into the eyes of her other self. 

“Don’t do this.” ‘Other Powder’ breathed out. “You need me. You won’t survive without me.” 

“You’re wrong.”

“I’m not, Powder listen to me-“

“No. Not about that. About Vi. You said she was holding us back. You’re wrong.” 

The stuffed animals’s ear gave another small rip, the tether breaking, ’Other Powder immediately tipping back. 

Powder snatcher her hand at the last second. 

“I - I knew you wouldn’t let me fa-“

“You’re holding me back.” Powder stated.

 Then let go. 

‘Other Powder’ stared back in momentary shock, before letting out a chilling scream as she fell. 

Powder watched as the pit consumed her. 

===================================================

Silco held her close. The heat from the fire getting awfully near now. 

He didn’t feel it though. And if he did, he didn’t care. 

He couldn’t - put into words - couldn’t describe everything he was feeling in that moment. How could a dream be so reveling of one’s emotions? 

And yet.

Here he was. Unable to move, unable to detach himself from her small body. 

He didn’t cry, didn’t scream in anger. But he felt it. Felt how much this child had changed him in the span of a day. Imagine what she could do in a week, a month, a year? 

He heard soft footsteps approach. 

“If you don’t move soon, you’ll both go up with the flames.” Vander said, strangely emotionless. 

Silco wanted to shout at him, wanted to ask him how he could just stand there. Did he not care? Wasn’t she like a daughter to him? 

This was a dream. 

Calming slightly he tried to rationalize the situation, but there was no point. Perhaps if he let the fire get them he’d wake up. 

Maybe he wouldn’t.

Maybe he wouldn’t wake ever again. 

Something about that thought settled and unsettled him. 

It was getting hotter. 

“Silco.” Vander warned. 

She, was getting hotter 

What the hell?

“Silco, get out of there!” 

He looked up, surprised to hear the fear in Vander’s voice, but he was gone.

“Sir, wake up!”

What?

His hands and arms were burning, the child was burning; still he didn’t let go.

“Silco!” 

.

.

.

Silco’s eye shot open, Sevika’s worried gaze hovering nearby. Immediately he bean to sit up, but was hindered by a weight on his chest. Looking down he found the child clinging to him. 

Alive. 

She was alive. 

The relief he felt in the moment was once again - embarrassing. He needed to get a grip, and fast. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, his tired brain trying to play catch-up. 

“I think we should get her back into the tub.” Sevika was already heading toward the tap. 

Silco looked back down at the child, quickly realizing that the heat hadn’t been from the fire in his dream; she was burning up again. Sweat was covering the child’s face, her hair matted down. She was paler than before. 

He carefully slid them out of the bed and kneeled beside the tub. Gently he placed her inside. She was still sleeping it seemed, but the jerky movements she made showed just how restless she was. 

Sevika stood, looking between the two of them. “I’ll get the doctor, keep her in the tub until we get back.” 

Silco nodded, eyes not leaving Jinx. 

He heard the door shut behind her. 

==================================================

.

.

.

There was a stillness. A deafening silence as Powder stood above the pit. For a moment she felt good, like an unknown weight had lifted. 

Then she saw it. 

A small, trickling of sand. 

It dusted onto her head. Glancing up she watched as small amounts seeped in through cracks in the ceiling.

Strange. 

Then she felt it.

A pain so sharp it brought her to her knees. It tightened around her chest, strangling, squeezing. She couldn’t breath. All at once she was too hot and too cold. 

The pit grew wider. 

Fearfully she scrambled back, but the pit only continued to grow, the sand quickly filling up what space was left within the room.

“No, no, no” She whispered, too afraid to break the strange silence. 

There was nowhere to go. The window she’d come through earlier, gone. Horrified she watched as the pit grew ever closer, sand now falling in as well. 

She was going to die. 

Or fall into an endless darkness. 

She wasn’t sure which was worse. 

“Wake up, wake up!” She tried pinching herself. “Come on!” Letting out a frustrated scream, she tossed herself against the nearest wall, “wake up!”

She tried again, and again, and again. Her shoulder beginning to ache. The pain in her chest not letting up. 

“Wake up, please, wake up!” 

She was running out air, out of time. 

“I’m supposed to be in control, then. Wake. Up!” Shakily she slapped herself. Feet slipping in the sand, she got on her knees. She pressed herself as close to the wall as she could get, the pit only a foot or so away now. 

“Please,” she begged. “Please, wake up, stop this, please.” 

The pit didn’t listen and in the next moment she felt her legs drop out from under her; she didn’t even have a chance to let out a scream before sand and darkness consumed her.

distantly someone was laughing. 

[itsonlystrange]

hey bestie! I completely understand your concerns and I can understand that it’s annoying but please consider that:

I want to give you guys the best episodes I possibly can, not just half assing it. Ep 3 would have been out weeks ago if it wasn’t for the new content and bts pics we got. As you all should know by now, I’m incorpating every leak we have of s4 this far. Episode three had to be rewritten 5 times!! Completely!! That’s over 700 pages of writing!!

Reason I can’t post it right now is, surprise! As much as I adore stranger things and this blog, I cant dedicate my entire life to it. It’s a Wednesday, I have school. I also have a life. I love st and I love byler but I also have priorities. That’s a no brainer.

I also have a lot of personal issues regarding my mental health and my ED which I’m not going to get into, stuff that i prioritize over ST.

I understand the wait has been quite long, and episode 3 would have been out as I said, probably a month ago, but I wouldn’t feel good about myself if I put out an episode I wasn’t personally proud of.

I started writing this as a fun thing to do on the side, I had no idea it would gain hundreds of peoples attention.

Keep in mind that I am ONE PERSON writing a whole season of a show that we constantly get new news about. Usually the duffers have 1-2 people helping them write the episodes, they have four people!! I have just myself!! (With input from my friend) and that’s okay!!

I’m not forcing anyone to read this episode. I’m not forcing anyone to praise me.

We’re in a content drought and I just wanted to give others something to quench their thirst until the season comes out.

You would probably be just as mad with me if I put out a shitty episode instead. But I’m not doing that.

Also: it usually takes the duffers a month and a half just to write one episode. It took me about 3 weeks to write the first draft of ep 3. And I’m only one person. Of course updates will come slow.

Not to mention I have SEVEN other episodes I’m writing as well. I am writing the whole season, after all.

I completely understand the frustration, and I really wish there was more I could do. Your frustration is valid, but please don’t come on to my blog complaining, constructive criticism is a better approach. I see your anger, I level with it, I understand that. There isn’t more that I can do.

I have a life and other priorities. If I could post the episode this second I would, but I cant. It’s not like I just have the episode and am purposefully making you wait, that’s not it at all. I’m a busy person, a person who is also writing a lot more other than stranger things 4. I have school assignments that need more attention then this. I hope you can understand.

Another thing. Burn out: i struggle with ADHD and OCD, those two things conflict HEAVILY. If I work for too long I’ll lose interest in screen writing at all and won’t touch Final Draft for days. If I work too sloppy my OCD will force me to start from scratch, because I feel like it’s not good enough. These two things conflict with eachother constantly. If I get burnt out it’ll take even longer for episodes to come out. I need to pace myself, so I can save my sanity and also give you all the best I possibly can.

The last thing I want is to let you guys down.

I don’t want to put out an episode that disappoints you all.

I love all of your support, and it’s deeply upsetting that i cant get the episodes out as fast as I’d like. I’m dedicating to giving you all the best Ive got, but for that to happen, you have to be patient.

Screenwriting takes TIME. hours. And I hope you all can understand that.

Thank you all for the support, it means a lot, and I’m very very sorry that I couldn’t get it out sooner.

Episode three will be here Sunday, May 23rd. You are not obligated to read it.

Thank you and I love you all so much. The massive support I’ve received on this episode is endless. From the bottom of my heart, thank you and I hope you all can understand. I understand the frustration and I promise you that once episode three is oit, it’ll be a (hopefully) smoother slope from there. Thank you, and my apologies <3

(Will most likely delete later)

[chimerical-caracal]

thank you @howmuchismuch and @dramatically-incorrect-doodles for tagging me!! love you both <3

1. name/nickname: right so i have multiple names that i switch between regularly but atm i’m using quintrell with the nicknames q or quin

2. gender: i usually just say nonbinary but genderqueer, transgender, and cadensgender all apply too (and for those unfamiliar with the term, cadensgender is a gender that’s easily influenced by music)

3. star sign: virgo i think

4. height: 5'1 last i checked, tho i sincerely doubt i’ll be growing more anytime soon

5. time: it is currently 8:48 pm

6. birthday: september 9th

7. favorite bands: AJR, bears in trees, and lovejoy (their ep just dropped go check it out if you haven’t already!!!!!)

8. favorite solo artists: wilbur soot and derivakat tho there are probably more i’m forgetting rn

9. song stuck in my head: primarily one day by lovejoy but all the other songs on the ep are living rent free in my head rn too

10. last movie: i’m not sure... i think it was shrek honestly ksajnfksa

11. last show: i think it was either queer eye or worst cooks in america? most of the tv shows i watch are either cooking shows or cartoons with a couple exceptions

12. when did i create this blog: fuck if i know, it’s gotta be a couple years at least?? i don’t even know where to check that lmao

13. what i post: just whatever shows up on my dash; this blog is a trash heap and i the humble raccoon that sits atop it

14. last thing googled: “wilbur soot merch”; i probably can’t get any because it Costs Money but i can look at it and dream

15. other blogs: @ender-chimera is my minecraft / mcyt sideblog, @oodles-and-boodles-of-doodles is my art / doodle sideblog, @handinhelpinghand is a sideblog for signal boosting any donation posts i come across, and @archaic-orison is an aesthetic sideblog for unsettling / creepy stuff (explore that one with caution, i don’t have a tag system set up for that one yet). i do have a couple more but i don’t really use them anymore; these are all the active ones

16. do i get asks: no but i really wish i did lmao

17. why i chose my url: wasn’t happy with the first couple urls i had for a couple of reasons so i rebranded by mixing one of my favorite words (chimerical) with one of my favorite animals (caracal). it’s especially nice because it rhymes and it’s got alliteration which are 2 more of my favorite things lol

18. following: 148

19. followers: 144 (tho i will note i haven’t gone through and cleared out the bots in a while so that number’s probably inaccurate)

20. average hours of sleep: i’d say around 9 or so, maybe 10? but my sleep schedule is Awful; these past couple weeks i’ve been going to bed around 5 am and getting up at like, 2-3 pm and i don’t think that’s healthy sjndfksaj

21. lucky number: idk if i really have a “lucky” number per say but my favorite number is 6

22. instruments: to varying degrees of success i can play the trumpet, french horn, mellophone, piano, ukulele, and bass guitar, the last of which i Just started working on. i would also like to learn drums and cello at some point if possible

23. what am i wearing: black sweatpants and a pink short sleeve t-shirt that has a cartoon spider and sprinkles on it (it’s cute i promise) with a long sleeve black shirt underneath it. i’m also wearing black nail polish atm which i should do more often i forgot how much i like wearing it

24. dream trip: definitely one big roadtrip to see all my friends, both the ones i’ve known irl for years now and the ones i’ve never met in person before

25. favorite food: idk if it has an actual name but there’s this turkey sausage and rice recipe with celery and tomatoes in it that is So Good i love it so much

26. nationality: american 😔

27. favorite song: i don’t think i could ever choose a permanent favorite song (or just one for that matter) but i’ve been listening to lovejoy’s ep on repeat ever since it dropped so i guess those are my current favorites

28. last book read: it has been. at least a year? since i’ve read an actual book. sajfnkasjnfd i legitimately have no clue it was probably something for school

29. top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: oooooo that’s a tough one. i’d love it if pokemon were real so i think the pokemon world, and maybe minecraft too? but probably just creative mode specifically because i doubt i’d make it past the first night lmao. and i honestly can’t come up with a third fictional universe rn so i guess that’s it ksjnfdksn

30. favorite color: either mint green or lavender, i can never decide between the two. black and white together as a color combo is also very high up there

and i’m just gonna tag a Bunch of people asjdfksjdn i hope y’all don’t mind @b1rdza, @technosoot, @gardenn-of-eden, @athenixs, @anuninspiredpoet, @starry-eyed-spectre, @resident-floatyhotboi, @mpleleaf, @eclecticqueercen, @raeofgayshine, @galaxywitchwolf13, @awkwardang410, @coconut-cluster

[killjoyhistoryarchive]

“Conventional Weapons” and the Rocky Road to “Danger Days”

In 2009, My Chemical Romance was buzzing with activity. The band performed several shows and festivals (including Summer Sonic in Japan), Gerard and Mikey Way attended San Diego Comic Con, and The Umbrella Academy was named one of Amazon’s top comics of 2009. Ray Toro held a Whopper eating contest on the official MCR website (no joke), while a certain comic series written by Gerard Way and Shaun Simon was announced in August. And at a show at the Roxy in Los Angeles, MCR performed three new songs from their upcoming album.

But while their next album seemed easily slated for an early 2010 release, MCR was about to hit a series of hurdles that would leave them with a scrapped album, a lost drummer, and a totally new outlook on where their music was headed.

On July 31st, 2009, MCR performed a set at the Roxy that included three new songs–“Kiss The Ring,” “The Drugs,” and “Death Before Disco.” Gerard was enthusiastic about the new tracks, even telling Rolling Stone that “Death Before Disco” was “the greatest song we’ve ever written.” Videos of the tracks soon appeared online, where fans eagerly devoured what they thought would be the follow-up to 2006’s The Black Parade.

As the days and weeks went on, the media blitz kicked into high-gear. While Ray Toro posted short studio clips on MCR’s website, the band gave several interviews where they gushed about producer Brendan O'Brien, discussed their new stripped-down style, and claimed that this would be their best record yet. In an interview with MTV, Gerard described the still-untitled album as a “true love letter to rock and roll,” adding:

“There’s something about being an American rock-and-roll band that we’ve kind of grown into and we’re very proud of. And I think that’s what we’re celebrating with this record. There’s no agenda, there’s no mission; it’s just about rock and roll.”

Meanwhile, Gerard Way and close friend Shaun Simon had another surprise in store: a comic series called "Killjoys.” Dark Horse Comics announced the release at San Diego Comic Con. Jeremy Atkins, the Dark Horse Director of Public Relations, described “Killjoys” as “a psychedelic rock-and-roll road trip adventure geared toward both fans of The Umbrella Academy and My Chemical Romance.” But not much else was said about the comic, as MCR’s upcoming album had become Gerard’s top priority.

As the album drew closer to completion, MCR gave fans more glimpses of what lay in store. They shared the titles of various tracks, including “Still Alive,” “Trans Am,” “Hail To The King,” “Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back," “L.A. Heavy,” "The Only Hope For Me Is You,” and “Black Dragon Fighting Society.” They cited a variety of influences, including Queen, Judas Priest, Bruce Springsteen, The Killers, and Blade Runner. By all accounts, this was going to be MCR’s defining album.

In December, MCR previewed seven tracks for SPIN magazine. A month later, in January of 2010, the album–which was still untitled–was rumored to be released on March 30th. As they continued to rework the songs, they realized that the stripped-down sound wasn’t working. As NME reported in January:

Things turned around with a song called “Trans Am,” now renamed "Bullet Proof Heart,” the likely first single. And perversely, they did it by returning to fiction. Broadly, it’s about a boy in New Jersey, dressed in a Judas Priest T-shirt, called Johnny. And a girl called Jenny who might be his girlfriend, but who also (honk the pop fact sirens!) might also be the missing girl from “Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine” by The Killers.

But in the same interview, Gerard restated that the album would give "the purest, best version of the band you could ever hope for.” And in early February, MCR finally started to wrap up production, telling Big Cheese that the album would probably be released in spring or summer.

“Killjoys” also looked promising–back in January, Scott Allie had reported in a blog post that Shaun Simon and Becky Cloonan were ready to get started. Once Gerard wrapped up the album and finished working on the Umbrella Academy movie screenplay, it seemed like he’d be ready to dive in.

But February was also when the band publicly stumbled for the first time.

Before the Big Cheese interview, MCR had abruptly cancelled their appearance at the Soundwave festival in Australia. In a blog post on MCR’s website, Frank claimed that Gerard was having voice problems (he jokingly implied that it was due to coffee and cigarettes) and required treatment to make a full recovery.

Fans were disappointed, but most understood that it couldn’t be helped. But a month later, the fandom received another shock: MCR’s drummer Bob Bryar had departed the band. In another blog post, Frank told fans:

As of 4 weeks ago, My Chemical Romance and Bob Bryar parted ways. This was a painful decision for all of us to make and was not taken lightly. We wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors and expect you all to do the same. We also wanted to give you all a quick heads up on how the record is progressing. We have been writing some very powerful new songs so this week the four of us entered the studio once again, and what has been ending up on tape each night is some of the most exciting and honest work we have ever created.

The fandom was stunned. Clearly, MCR had been experiencing some behind-the-scenes turmoil, suggesting that the process wasn’t going as smoothly as fans had thought. While it wasn’t known at the time, they also parted ways with producer Brendan O'Brien, who had been hired specifically to channel their raw, back-to-basics sound. Where would MCR go from here? And when would fans hear the latest album–which was apparently undergoing rewrites once again?

It wasn’t until late 2010 that fans would finally learn what had happened to this unreleased album.

This moment, says frontman Gerard Way, looking back on what went wrong, “was the hardest part”. Guitarist Ray Toro was “home dealing with some family things”, leaving Way, his bassist brother Mikey, and guitarist Frank Iero alone in the mixing studio. “The sinking feeling was really starting to become loud that it wasn’t right - that the record wasn’t finished, I couldn’t even put them in a track order … "Thinking about it now, it’s kind of upsetting, because I just felt so lost,” Gerard says.

This was discussed in an interview with Herald Sun, where they talked about the process of starting again after the departure of their drummer and producer. Speaking to Music Radar, Ray Toro talked about the struggles the band had with original producer Brendan O'Brien, admitting that it hadn’t gone as well as they once thought:

“He was really trying; he did the best he could with us. He knew things weren’t clicking, and he’d try to rally us. I remember he said, ‘Hey, on some songs, I’d love to hear you do what you did on The Black Parade.’ Because there wasn’t any of the harmonized guitar parts or the stacking that I usually do. He was trying to get us to make one record, and we wanted to make something totally different.

Musically, we wanted to go back to our basement. But just because we wanted to do something different didn’t make it easy. In many ways, we felt as though we were holding ourselves back creatively. We were going through the motions. Some of the songs were good, but we weren’t happy with all of them.”

Needing a break, Gerard took a vacation to the desert that surrounded Los Angeles. There, as he told Terminal 5, he realized “I had started the band after 9/11 when I hated art. Black Parade had been about hiding and punishment. I couldn’t tell the truth so I’d talk about cancer instead. I had to put on a mask to show people who I really was. But now it was time to own it. To be who I was before this band started. And I had something in my back pocket: this song, ‘Na Na Na.’”

Reunited with producer Rob Cavallo, who had worked on The Black Parade, the band kicked things off with “Na Na Na.” Gerard and Shaun Simon’s comic “Killjoys,” once a separate side project that had nothing to do with the band, suddenly became the concept that they formed the album around. Fueled by fresh creative energy, the band wrote and re-wrote tracks, came up with concepts and characters like Dr. Death Defying, and shredded the limitations that had confined them. At one point, Gerard turned to his brother Mikey and said “Danger Days, here we come again!”

Not everything from the previous record was scrapped. “Trans Am” became “Bulletproof Heart”; “Death Before Disco” became “Party Poison.” A few new versions of old tracks appeared on the record, as well as the Mad Gear and Missile Kid EP that came later. But MCR’s fourth album had gone from a rock and roll record that deliberately avoided ambitious storylines, to a vividly realized concept album that invited fans into the world of post-apocalyptic California. In many ways, it was the opposite of what they had originally planned. And it seemed to be exactly what they had been looking for.

During this time, Frank snapped in-studio photos that he sold on MCR’s official website, offering one-of-a-kind peeks into the recording process. In March, Mikey Way stated in a blog post that “One day you will wake up, and nothing will ever be the same again, but it’ll feel like an old friend.” He was talking about upcoming changes to the MCR website, but in a way that statement reflected the band’s process at the time–they had completely reinvented themselves, and yet there was still a certain familiarity in the old tracks they had revamped.

The band completed the album with fresh energy, offering sporadic updates in the coming months. Fans waited with some skepticism to see what MCR had in store. And finally, one day in early September, MCR’s website disappeared and was replaced with a mysterious transmitter. The Danger Days era had begun.

But was the scrapped album hidden away, never to be heard again? Not quite.

In 2012, in a blog post on MCR’s website, Frank talked about the feelings of depression that he had faced after The Black Parade. He felt like MCR had done it all, leaving them with nothing left to accomplish. In November 2008, Gerard called him up to talk about the band. As new ideas took shape, they prepared to start recording the album that would eventually be scrapped after months of work.

Frank pointed out that while the band had limited themselves during the recording of this album, the songs weren’t inherently bad–in fact, some of them were among his favorites that the band had produced. As time passed, he developed a greater appreciation for the tracks. And when the band met up and listened to those songs, they decided to release a selection of tracks to the public–two tracks a month for the next five months, for a total of ten.

After all this time, the album finally had a title: Conventional Weapons. Tracks included “Kiss The Ring,” “The World Is Ugly,” “Surrender The Night,” and the fan-favorite “The Light Behind Your Eyes.” Listening to the tracks, it was clear that MCR had aimed for a rock album with a pure American sound–no ambitious concepts or storylines, just a set of killer tracks. Whether they succeeded is up to the listener to decide, but they provided some insight into what came before Danger Days.

Due to its unconventional release, and the fact that the album was a series of random tracks and not a finished product, Conventional Weapons is not considered an “official” MCR album. But while Danger Days was the final album, Conventional Weapons was the final release before MCR broke up in 2013. Since the split, the release of CW has caused many fans to wonder–will My Chemical Romance’s fifth (and unreleased) album ever be shared in a similar fashion? Or will it be locked away forever, like the other CW tracks that were never released?

Only time will tell. But for now, Conventional Weapons serves as an intriguing part of MCR’s history–a time when the band set out to make one type of album, and ended up making the complete opposite.

(Picture credits: 1 2 3. Other in-studio photos by Frank Iero.)

[Originally published 07.09.2017]

[absolutebl]

This Week In BL

April 2021 Part 5

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Close Friend Ep 2 (JaFirst) - First is a cat. No actually a cat. It was WEIRD. Cute, but creeping towards beastiality. It reminded me of that strange series out of China (@heretherebedork says Youth in the Breeze). The most amusing thing to me was that the cat used Thai formal linguistic register when of course cats would use informal rude guu mueng with EVERYONE. No cat would use pom. Don’t be ridiculous, Thailand. 

Second Chance Ep 5 - still invested, things progressed for all 3 couples, in one direction or another. They cuties. I love them. Carry on. 

Y-Destiny Ep 5 - the “virgin scoreboard” is gonna make the seme real hard to redeem with this pairing. If they bother. This might be a life lesson episode. What does it remind me of? Oh yes. Kids. *SHUDDER* Point of interest: did you notice Team uses ha with Mon? What a pushy flirt. 

Lovely Writer Ep 10 - honestly I just love it when Poppy shows up in anything, why is he such a delightful screen presence? (Gene’s brother) Sorry, distracted. What happened in this one? Oh, ya know, stuff and things. Family drama. (It is just me or have they been giving us some long ass episodes lately?) Obligatory beach trip activated. (Result = dumb probability mathematics jokes.) Next week it looks like we have Keeping Actor’s Closeted 101. You know the Casting Couch? This is the Casting Closet. 

Fish Upon The Sky Ep 4 - early stage confession, how fun. It’s not unprecedented it just usually means we are in 4 act structure, not 3, which means Fish might go more serious than I thought. Honestly? I’m losing interest mostly because I’ve gone from mild annoyance to active dislike of Pi. Happened to me with Tine too. They better redeem this obtuse tsundere uke soon or he’s not tsundere at all he’s just a jackwit. 

Brothers Ep 13 fin - a kiss and the family finds out about the not-so-brotherly brothers, drama, graduation, THE END. My side-dish happy heart made thumps over Q + delivery boy, I’m sad they got so little screen time. My babies KhunKaow did get a tiny coming out sequence as such. I’m seriously considering doing myself a bootleg of just the KhunKaow plot, but that means I’d have to rewatch the whole darn series and I can’t STAND the idea. Which should give you insight into how not good this show it. Very NOT good. Must we get a season 2? Please stop now, Line. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

HIStory 4: Close To You (Taiwan) Ep 7 - Muren is the cutest peanut and anyone who says otherwise can fight me, although they probably have to go through Licheng first. I was NOT invested in these two at the beginning, but as a couple? They own my soul. The other storyline is still the dumpster fire that I can’t decide to roast marshmallows over (knowing they’ll get tinged with eu de trash) or flee from in horror clutching my pearls and my nose. H4 continues to provide the quality psyche torture I’ve come to expect from this franchise. *sarcastic thumbs up*  *** A word on seeing Boxiang show up (side dish from H3:MODC). It was an unexpected pleasure, I loved his pairing (May/December is a winner for me *glares at Method*) but I do think it was a bone from the franchise telling us that we are never getting that spin-off or reboot that people yearn for. However, how AWESOME that Licheng has someone to go to and ask about topping properly. Otherwise he’s sure to have screwed it up. (Pun intended.) 

Papa & Daddy (Tailwan) Ep 1-2 - this came out of nowhere and is ADORABLE. Applies a ton of BL tropes (cheek kiss, his closet, B&W stripes, drag baby around, boop) but what IS it? More slice of gay domesticity than romance. Like 2019′s Kinou Nani Tabeta? or currently airing Close Friend. I enjoy this style, very wholesome, but I’m not sure what to call it. (Bonus points for cutie lesbians.) A bit weird to have a kid with your partner and STILL not be out to your parents. I hope they aren’t going to throw in a break up for dramatic effect. 

My Lascivious Boss (Vietnam) Ep 4 - I’m really enjoying this series. It’s unabashedly queer, although there’s some problematic stuff lurking under the wig. How it ends is gonna dictate if they handled this stylishly. But hot damn the leads ZING on screen together and their crackling prank-flirting is a joy to watch. 

Word of Honor (China) Ep 31-33 - moving into the home stretch. Big rescue and the band is back together (presumably for the final slaughter). Then a death! *this is my shocked face* Did I tear up? Of course I did. 4 act structure is designed for maximum pathos during the final 1/4. Did we all faint from the symbolism of the love token hair stick being gently thrust into Ah Xu’s bun? Sure we did. All that and sill I’m flagging. This is a long-arse show. Save me, Korea, with your iItsy bitsy teenie weenie...

Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding (Korea) Ep 5-6 - I am getting such strong 12th Night vibes from this. Tae Hyung is now brigadier of BL’s historical himbo brigade. (To be deployed whenever you are in need of poetry or a cut sleeve.) This show is all ridiculous charm and I LOVE it. Although, five seconds of Lee Sang is not enough Lee Sang. I had to immediately rewatch Wish You. 

Gossip

Nitiman gave us an actor intro BTS teaser. 

Kang In Soo (AKA Kyang Insoo) posted a cute behind the photo shoot of Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding plus a silly interview with Jang Eui Soo on his YouTube channel (you should subscribe, it’s a fun channel, his fitness regime is both insane and inspiring). 

My Engineer 2 dropped a couch interview with the boys but it feels like one that was filmed a while ago (oh and no subs).  

STARTING SOON: Nitiman, Love Area, Top Secret Together, Be Loved in House, & I Promised You The Moon  

Nitiman (Thai) May 7, One 31. University set, moons, engineering students, enemies to lovers, adapted. - Looks to be a solid 2 Moons knock off, I’m in.

Love Area (Thai) May 8, AIS Play, 10 eps total. Restaurant set, stars Pak Chavitpong (the only good thing about Cupid Coach) and the OST is sung by Jeff Satur (Ingredients). - It’s boys in love revolving around food = my kryptonite, try to stop me from watching this probable trash. 

Top Secret Together (Thai) May 14, Line TV. 5 couples, one IRL (Newyear from I Am Your King), story arcs revolve around secrets.  - I’m getting fatigued by these multi-couple sampler pack dramas, but I’ll try it for Newyear’s sake.  

Be Loved in House: I Do (Taiwan YES!) May 20, Viki. Office set, relationships prohibited at work by a new boss, one of the employees is determined to figure out why. Grumpy/tsundere pairing so loads of drama. - I am so flipping excited for this one. A 4th BL series from Taiwan in less than a year? That’s unprecedented. GO BABY ISLAND GO! 

I Promised You the Moon (Thai) May 27, Line TV. Follow up to I Told Sunset About You with the boys now at university. - I won’t be watching this as I have yet to finish season 1. 

Possibly Gameboys season 2.  - Rumors are all over the place right now on this. 

Next Week Looks Like This: 

Some shows may be listed later than actual air date for International accessibility reasons. 

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here.

Links to watch are provided when possible, ask in a comment if I missed something.

[avauntus]

Supernatural - a retrospective

This is super self-indulgent, and I have so much else I’ve promised-- I owe a long-fic rec post, and ao3 comments, wip work, and that’s just my fandom stuff I’m behind on. *sigh*

But it’s late on a Saturday and now I’ve finished Supernatural, I want to share what I think are my top few eps, and a few other comments. I promise some of this will be different from the “greatest hits” you probably usually see, and I’ll try to make it worth your time. *wry smile*

Look, we have to have categories like: “Most Likely to Live in My Head Rent-Free for the Rest of my Life” and “Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction” that are different from “Favorites,” because that’s just the cursed energy this show has. ;-)

My top five

#5 - 13.01 - “Lost and Found”

Written by: Andrew Dabb | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

In fandom, this is most often referred to as the start of the “Grieving Widower” arc, tongue-in-cheek. Also has Alexander Calvert (Jack) walking around completely in the nude for the first third of the ep. (Neither of these are why this is in my top 5, but he has a good story about wardrobe for his ‘first day.’) 

I didn’t expect much out of this episode the first time I watched it, but I’ve gone over this ‘section’ of the show maybe 3-4 times in my Netflix catch-up, and I watch this one in full every time. From Jack being...not at all what anyone expected and an unsteady vindication, to the stunning cinematography (there’s a post that compares shots to Brokeback Mountain, but I think the shots here might be better), to the sheriff who takes the time to remind her deputy that “...there’s no such thing as ‘weird.’ Everyone’s normal in their own way,” to the slow reveal of exactly how hard the events of the previous night (12x23 - All Along the Watchtower) are hitting Dean and Sam and in different ways...(how long the episode takes to reveal to you how Dean fucked up his hand, and what he was saying when he did. Augh!) The Winchesters are trying to rally, but they have been taking hits for a long time, and the cracks are showing.

 #4 - 15.06 - “Golden Time”

Written by: Meredith Glynn | Directed by: John F. Showalter

Supernatural  has a terrible track record with representation in all stripes. It is infamously consistent in killing off anyone minority, female, or non-White. One of the interesting things about the chaotic meta-narrative of season 15 is you can see the lack of fucks some of the writer’s room had to give about not even being subtle about tearing down that type of ‘White-male-hero-journey” now that they were in a literal “what will they do, fire me?” situation.

I’m a Cas fan, and this episode, which gives him an actual, ‘case-of-the-week’ hunter’s narrative where he gets to save the day on his own, successfully, was wonderful. I love that for him! But more than that, for me, this episode is emotional to me for other reasons-- the way Dean and Cas circle around each other on their angry phone call (with the body language! They are broadcasting so LOUD and neither can see because they’re on the phone!), Sam’s story here, where he’s inheriting things from Rowena that allow him in turn to save Eileen, to Cas’ speech and quick anger at the lake when you reflect on his entire journey of self-realization from a soldier of blind faith to an agent of free will... “You selfish little men in your positions of authority...” I just... *clears throat, grabs tissue* 

#3 -  6.20 - “The Man Who Would Be King”

Written & Directed by: Ben Edlund

Speaking of Cas’ journey... I know some folks don’t like the angst and drama of the ‘Heaven and Hell’ plots of Supernatural, but I am here for it. Oh, did we need another reason to include this episode? This has some of the most metal quotes I have heard from any TV show. Ever.

I mean, look at this:

“If I knew then what I know now, I would have said: Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”

“Explaining freedom to angels is a bit like explaining poetry to fish.”

The delivery of: “It's not too late. Damn it, Cas! We can fix this!” “Dean, it’s not broken!” is one of those Supernatural bits that will live in my head until the end of time. All of Edlund’s episodes are among my favorites, but this (along with “5.04 - The End”) was on another level. 

#2 - 5.16 - “Dark Side of the Moon”

Written by: Andrew Dabb & Daniel Loflin | Directed by: Jeff Wollnough

I think of this episode every time  I hear Bob Dylan sing “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door.” This is kinda a giant montage episode, but the connecting concepts are so...satisfying. 

“Heaven is your favorite memories.” “ It’s called the axis mundi. It’s a path that runs through heaven. Different people see it as different things. For you, it’s two-lane asphalt.” “This is your idea of heaven? Wow, this was one of the worst nights of my life.” “I don’t think I realized how long you’ve been cleaning up Dad’s messes.” “It’s awesome to finally have an application—a practical application—for string theory.” “Everyone leaves you, Dean. You noticed?” “Why is God talking to me? Gardner-to-gardener, and between us, I think he gets lonely.” “You son of a bitch, I believed in... ” Whoosh.

#1 - 4.01 - “Lazarus Rising”

Written by: Eric Kripke | Directed by: Kim Manners

So...this is the episode where Castiel, angel of thee Lord, shows up. And that’s primarily why it earns the no. 1 spot, because 80% of my enjoyment of Supernatural from this point on was Cas-adjacent. Plus this entire episode just hits. ALL OF IT. Dean’s homecoming. Ruby, my darling. Bobby’s entire vibe. Pamela Barnes, easily one of the most interesting women Supernatural ever introduced. Cas being so hot to say “Hi” to Dean he forgets he wounds people. 

But beyond that-- the way the show writes their ‘oh, by the way, angels’ narrative! If you haven’t seen this episode, would you believe me if I told you that THIS EPISODE, the episode where Supernatural said “canonically, Judeo-Christian Heaven is real, btw” involves no churches but does involve a séance, a soulmark handprint brand, and a himbo angel that “gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition”...but they were all “no homo, guys” for years?

Truly no one was out here doing it like Supernatural even back in 2008.

Others--

15.18 - “Despair” 

“Most Likely to Live Rent-Free in My Head for the Rest of my Life”

Written by: Robert Berens | Directed by: Richard Speight, Jr.

You know why this episode is here. It broke reality. I could be wrong-- but I’d put good money on this episode being the subject of academic theses in the future. That doesn’t automatically make for interesting story, but...

Has there ever been a case, in a mainstream US TV show where a major lead character (Cas) came out as queer so late in the game in a narratively-important way? I’m not aware of it, but I might just be behind on my television.

This episode has great writing, and (blessedly) amazing direction and blocking anyway. Check out the above gif - that is some next level foreshadowing going on in the cinematography, and this isn’t even the most remarked upon shot in this episode. (Seriously, I had to search for 40 minutes for this gif, please respect my game, lol.) Everyone who was involved in 15x18 is giddy talking about their investment, from the costume designer to the actors to the director to the writer...

...And then a bunch of them steadfastly have avoided posting much Supernatural-related since. So that’s...loud. There is a bunch of subtext in this episode that is screamingly loud; there is a bunch of text in this episode that makes several things clear fandom has been chattering over for years and years. The meta-commentary around this episode continues, months later. There are over 700 fics on AO3 with this episode tag.

I have more to say about the themes of ‘free will’ and ‘love’ and ‘identity’ tied to this episode, but seriously-- you’ve probably read 17 versions of it on Tumblr already, so.

This is the last time we see Cas, and the last time Supernatural can claim anything close to narrative consistency. For that alone, it’d earn free head-space.

Runners-up: “4.20 - The Rapture”; “5.04 - The End”; “7.21 - Reading is Fundamental”; “8.21 - The Great Escapist”; “9.06 - Heaven Can’t Wait”; “12.19 - The Future”; “14.08 - Byzantium”

6.17 - “My Heart Will Go On”/8.07 - “A Little Slice of Kevin”

“Most Likely to Inspire Unnecessary Fanfiction”

Written by: Eric Charmelo & Nicole Snyder (6.17); Brad Buckner & Eugenie Ross-Leming | Directed by: Phil Sgriccia (6.17); Charlie Carner (8.07)

Usually the show kills off it’s “one-episode” female characters, but do you know one time it didn’t? When the Moirai (the Fates - specifically Atropos, the shearer of the Threads of Fate) showed up in canon in 6.17. She was posited to have “two older sisters that were bigger than her- in every sense of the word,” ...and Castiel had to back down when she challenged him to a cosmic game of chicken over the Winchester’s lives.

Then they never returned to that idea again. 

“A Little Slice of Kevin” is on here for the opposite reason -- an amazing idea that was really underwritten in the episode it showed up in. Dean Winchester has been dragging himself across the fabric of universes; the literal Word of God is in play in a warehouse in Middle America; Cas is back from Purgatory, but what does that mean, micro and macro? As a person on the street, what would it mean, or feel like, to learn you were a Prophet of the Lord, uncalled? That what you are, everything you are, is a cosmic contingency?

Maybe Fate has an opinion on all these shenanigans?

Perhaps all that doesn’t make sense, but it certainly made an impression on ~2012 me. To this day, it remains the WIP I can open up and fool myself with the ‘twist.’ I wish I remembered where I was going with it so I could finish it.

Runners Up: “2.20 - What Is and What Should Never Be”; “5.04 - The End”; “6.15 - The French Mistake”; 12.12 - “Stuck in the Middle (with you)”; “13.05 - Advanced Thanatology” “14.03 - The Scar”; “14.10 - Nihilism”; “15.15 - Gimme Shelter” ... and “15.20 - Carry On” (obviously)

Fifteen seasons. There were plenty of other episodes I loved that didn’t make these limited lists. But overall -- thank you, Supernatural, for the run. Even if I’m upset at the ending, I can appreciate the game. If you watch the show, what were your favorite episodes?

[nightqueendany]

Leaks, Fleaks, and the Fucking Ending of Game of Thrones

I will be discussing Friki leaks in this post and other potential “leaks” as seen on Free Folk Reddit so if you don’t want spoilers, don’t read! I will also be discussing THAT ONE theory/leak I freaked out about several weeks ago and refused to talk about except to a few people who private messaged me about it.

I will be theorizing heavily in this post in an attempt to put all the “leaks” together so take this all with a grain of salt. I am not a primary source or even a secondary source for this information, so what I say here could very well be 100% wrong.

“Leakers” I am pulling from in this post:

Frikidoctor

BoatSexBaby

ThrowItAway / DeathWisher

TyrionKillsEveryone

Please keep in mind, I am not a member of the Reddit community (well, have an account, almost never use it), so I am unfamiliar with certain users on the site, what has been discussed at length between all users, what’s been refuted if it’s not on the front page of Free Folk, and what comments any of these users have made if they’re more than a few weeks old. Please also note I am not a native Spanish speaker so I have to read Friki’s stuff from translations so if the translations are incorrect, I will be. If anyone has any additional input, please feel free to reblog to correct any misinformation I may include in this.

First off, Friki.

As we’ve seen from Friki’s Season 7 leaks and his incredibly detailed leaks about 8x01, Friki is legit. There really is no arguing with this so I believe it is pointless to do so. However, we must keep in mind Friki is not someone who is on set, his sources are not on set all the time (I believe), and for this season, he has not seen an final scripts. So we likewise must take what Friki says with a grain of salt. Friki was also off by two weeks when it came to when the New York premiere would be, so it’s possible he could be wrong about things or his source doesn’t give him full information or gives him incorrect information.

BoatSexBaby

Again, sorry, I am not familiar with the reputations of people on Reddit FreeFolk so I don’t know if this person is seen as a legitimate leaker or fleaker. However, regardless of whether they have correct information, BSB seems to be a total savant when it comes to putting filming information together! It’s kind of astounding. I had attempted to do this once, but it was completely overwhelming but BSB has done it. It seems BSB’s info so far as what happens in the season is more based on assumptions based on filming info than actual leaks. But the information is still incredibly helpful.

ThrowItAway/DeathWisher

I don’t believe this is the same person but DeathWisher recently linked back to ThrowItAway’s old POST from a few months ago so I’m crediting both of them here. ThrowItAway claims to be related to someone who worked on the Belfast set and had second hand information of what would happen during the Battle for Winterfell in 8x03. Info that was correct: 1) Arya would jump down from somewhere (a tree?) to kill the NK 2) Theon would charge NK and die 3) Lyanna Mormont would become a wight. That has all been proven true and these leaks were from 4 months ago. So the information TIA’s brother gave them about future episodes may be true as well. Though, TIA admits that their brother did not work on sets aside from the Belfast one and so heard the leaks about the other episodes from other crew members - meaning the brother is a secondary source for this info, not a primary one. Also, TIA seems pretty adamant that it’s highly possible multiple endings were filmed.

TyrionKillsEveryone

Now, anyone who knows of TKE from FreeFolk and Friki is probably wondering why the fuck I’m bringing him up right now because apparently everything he said would happen in the first couple episodes has turned out to be complete bullshit (though for some reason, I can’t find those posts/comments, so have to rely on people talking about “leaks” TKE claimed for Eps 1&2). However, out of all the theories I’ve read on the ending to GOT and now with this info from ThrowItAway, I more inclined than ever to believe such an ending so that’s why I’ve included them in this post.

So, what do the “leakers” have to offer us?

Friki:

Friki claims that THE big moment in this final season will be Tyrion’s trial in the Dragonpit and Tyrion’s death. He refutes a previous theory of his that Tyrion and Sansa would betray the Starks and says Sansa will not betray them, Tyrion will (unclear if Dany is included in this - as either Team Stark or on Tyrion’s side...but as Dany is on the side of the Starks now, it appears Tyrion would betray her too...?). Friki says an important scene will take place with five key characters: Jon, Sansa, Arya, Daenerys, and Tyrion. Friki was told this big scene took five days to film (hinting at it being all conflict). The most shocking moment of the season/series should be Tyrion’s death. Friki admits he doesn’t know how Tyrion will die, or why he will betray Team Jon/Dany but just knows that he will. He notes Emilia Clarke never filmed anything in Seville, she was never there. He says Kit Harington was in Seville but did not film a single scene there.

I know people might take this as “fake news” and believe Kit actually did film in Seville but lots of GOT actors were in Seville who I can’t really believe were filming there - most notably, Tom Wlaschiha who played Jaqen H'ghar, Faye Marsay who played the Waif, and Vladimír Furdík who played the Night King.

So, unless Arya never killed the Waif or the Night King in a permanent way, it’s clear HBO just flew in lots of GOT actors to throw people off...OR may have flown them in, along with their body doubles, for the GOT Documentary which will air right after the series finale. More on this in a moment.

BoatSexBaby:

Alright, first off, I’ll start with what BSB may have gotten wrong...unless the NK isn’t completely dead and he somehow has to be defeated again. BSB claimed HERE that 1) Dance of Dragons between NK/Viserion and Dany/Drogon would happen in Episode 6 in King’s Landing and Jon/Rhaegal may be involved - untrue, kind of, this happened in Ep3 2) Golden Company attack Winterfell - TOTALLY FALSE. And preview for next weeks seems to see everyone headed down south to attack Cersei instead (though BSB did say survivors retreat south so maybe this is the true part of people going south) 3) NK has real motivations that tie all WW scenes together from 1x01 - maybe. We certainly didn’t see this prior but it could be revealed in future. The way the NK was defeated just felt way too clean to me. If he’s really gone and was a red herring, that’s one elaborate 8000 year old red herring. FFS.

What BSB does actually have to offer, is her dedication to documenting filming news. According to BSB, we know: 1) the green dragon mount was moved prior to filming King’s Landing battle scenes hinting at it being used in those scenes - however, the only actor available for filming such scenes was allegedly Vladimír Furdík, as Kit and Emilia were not in Belfast at the time. 2) Body doubles in Seville who may have been filming or may have been part of the GOT documentary were doubles for: Sansa, Tyrion, Jon, Brienne, Grey Worm, and Robin Arryn. BSB is also of the belief that Kit actually did film in Seville but filmed night scenes? And that there were CGI/VFX sequences for the Dragonpit scene or Tyrion’s trial. Friki said the Dragonpit scene included no CGI so it’s unclear which is correct.

ThrowItAway/DeathWisher

As stated, ThrowItAway gave leaks for 8x03 several months ago that ended up panning out so, it could be possible their other statements about future episodes could be true too. TIA posted some things and also messaged DW some spoilers for the ending. Some key points, but certainly not ALL: 1) Varys betrays Dany because he believes Jon would make a better ruler (something TKE also speculated) and Dany has him executed 2) Dany attacks King’s Landing 3) Tyrion convinces Jon that Dany is a danger to him and the Starks and Jon kills Dany 4) Prior to her death, Sansa and Tyrion appear to plot against Dany/try to separate her and Jon 5) Sansa has made some sort of promise to Tyrion that she and him will rule together but she betrays him in the end 6) Jon has two possible endings: Death or reforming the Night’s Watch (unclear how he would die).

This is a lot to unpack here and it should be noted that TIA has stated these “leaks” are to be taken with a grain of salt because a) their brother did not work on these episodes and heard this from other crew members who did work on them and b) they seem highly convinced that multiple endings were filmed and Emilia Clarke has talked about filming fake scenes.

TyrionKillsEveryone

I haven’t been able to see TKEs old posts on the early episodes and have only read their “leaks” from other commenters who have gleefully bragged about how incorrect TKE was. I think one of the major TKE fleaks was that Dany would find out she was pregnant in 8x01 and that Varys would try to kill her with poison (because he believes she’s becoming like Aerys and Jon would be a better King) but Arya would save her. This clearly did not happen in 8x01 so it’s easy to write off TKE for just this alone.

However, TKEs points about the later episodes just STRUCK me and affected me deeply which is why I’m going to include them. TKE says that yes, Tyrion will have a trial, as Friki said, and Tyrion will be on trial for betraying Jon and Daenerys and killing Jon - how does Tyrion kill Jon? He stabs him in the back in the black cells of the Red Keep after taking him down to see Dany - who is Cersei’s captive - where she is bleeding to death either from being stabbed by Bronn or complications with childbirth. I think both were mentioned, Unclear which TKE was leaning more toward.

At Tyrion’s trial, TKE says Tyrion will have an epic speech like he did in his trial for killing Joffrey, and will name everyone present as guilty as him. That their petty wars and fights all caused harm to the smallfolk, damaged the country, something like this. And at the end of Tyrion’s speech, Bronn will ignite the wildfire under the Dragonpit like he did on the Blackwater, and blow everyone up - killing every single major character - Arya, Sansa, Davos, Tyrion...anyone else who is present in the Dragonpit. They’ll all die.

TKE claims the last shots of the series are the smallfolk rebuilding Westeros, living their lives in peace, because they have no lords preying on them, telling them to fight their wars, etc. And that is the “Dream of Spring.”

What does it all mean?

It’s pretty difficult to tell at this point because the Night King is defeated (or so we think) and the living are somewhat intact - at least many of our major characters - Jaime, Brienne, Grey Worm, Jon, Sansa, Dany, Arya, Tyrion, Varys, Pod, Tormund, Sam, Gilly, the Hound...they all got out of the Battle with barely scratches on them. It’s incredibly disconcerting. As if luring us into this false sense of security.

But this false sense of security is exactly the kind of thing GOT would do before really bringing down the sledgehammer to our hearts. So, what does it all mean?

1) Three of the leakers save TIA have specifically talked about Tyrion’s trial. To me, this seems highly likely to happen.

2) BSB has some amazing evidence for why there will be CGI/VFX during Tyrion’s trial but I think her assumption about what this could mean is wrong - it won’t be a dragon fight (though there will be dragons in King’s Landing at some point). The VFX for Tyrion’s trial could be for the wildfire explosion that TKE talks about.

3) If TIA is correct about Sansa leading Tyrion on only to betray him in the end and take power for herself, then it makes Sansa a villain too. And this was the last piece of info I was really waiting for because...

It is KEY to believing TKE’s ending.

Because with everyone plotting against everyone and fighting for power, it means they learned nothing from having to band together to defeat the Night King and are all still fighting their petty wars and as Tyrion will (maybe) say in his trial, they’re all guilty.

TKE said something about Sansa inviting all the Lords/Ladies of the realm come to Tyrion’s trial so they can simultaneously swear her their allegiance. This would support why Robin Arryn is at Tyrion’s trial. Because without this, it seems odd that he would be there at all. We haven’t seen him since Season 6, though his armies have been present in S7 and S8.

While I am not sure which to believe out of TIA and TKE’s endings for Jon and Dany - Jon-kills-Dany or Jon-and-Dany-die-together - I am pretty convinced of this theory that Tyrion, does in fact, kill everyone with wildfire in the Dragonpit. You guys might think I’m crazy, might hate me for pointing this out, but I just feel this ending in my bones and have for several weeks. I was kind of hoping for a Jon-Dany-house-with-a-red-door ending - they get resurrected or don’t die and live in hiding or amongst the small-folk and get a somewhat happy ending. But I am not holding my breath.

And for those who want a little bit more further proof of a TKE-like ending, for those saying things like “What’s the point?” “Who would rule?” “So it’s just anarchy?” “Is this some weird eat the rich bullshit?” - I have one more piece of evidence for you.

D&D said the ending to GOT was hidden in their Spotify playlist. And one of the songs on the playlist was Black Sabbath’s War Pigs. The lyrics of which are:

Gen'rals gathered in their masses, Just like witches at black masses Evil minds that plot destruction, Sorcerer of death's construction In the fields the bodies burning, As the war machine keeps turning Death and hatred to mankind, Poisoning their brainwashed minds Oh Lord yeah

Politicians hide themselves away They only started the war Why should they go out to fight? They leave that role for the poor, yeah

Time will tell on their power minds, Making war just for fun Treating people just like pawns in chess, Wait 'till their judgement day comes, yeah

Now in darkness world stops turning, Ashes where the bodies burning No more War Pigs have the power, Hand of God has struck the hour Day of judgement, God is calling On their knees the war pigs crawling, Begging mercies for their sins Satan, laughing, spreads his wings Oh Lord yeah

This is why, weeks ago, I posted this Jorah quote:

In the books, it’s a bit better: “The common people pray for rain, healthy children, and a summer that never ends," Ser Jorah told her. "It is no matter to them if the high lords play their game of thrones, so long as they are left in peace....They never are."

And it’s why around the same time, I also posted this:

“Animals are true to their nature. And we had betrayed ours.” All the living, despite fighting together against the dead, have still betrayed their nature, fighting against each other, fighting for power. When they should be working together and feel lucky they’re all alive.

In the books, Brienne V in AFFC, there is a great speech commonly called by the fandom, “The Broken Man Speech” - which, coincidentally, the episode above is called. Not for no reason, I believe.

Some significant quotes from the book version of the Broken Man speech:

“Broken men are more deserving of our pity, though they may be just as dangerous. Almost all are common-born, simple folk who had never been more than a mile from the house where they were born until the day some lord came round to take them off to war. Poorly shod and poorly clad, they march away beneath his banners, ofttimes with no better arms than a sickle or a sharpened hoe.”

“They see the lord who led them there cut down, and some other lord shouts that they are his now."

“...before long they are stealing from the living too, from the smallfolk whose lands they’re fighting in, men very like the men they used to be.”

“They don’t know where they are or how to get back home and the lord they’re fighting for does not know their names, yet here he comes, shouting for them to form up, to make a line with their spears and scythes and sharpened hoes, to stand their ground. And the knights come down on them, faceless men clad all in steel, and the iron thunder of their charge seems to fill the world …  “And the man breaks. “He turns and runs, or crawls off afterward over the corpses of the slain, or steals away in the black of night, and he finds someplace to hide. All thought of home is gone by then, and kings and lords and gods mean less to him than a haunch of spoiled meat that will let him live another day, or a skin of bad wine that might drown his fear for a few hours. The broken man lives from day to day, from meal to meal, more beast than man. Lady Brienne is not wrong. In times like these, the traveler must beware of broken men, and fear them … but he should pity them as well.”

And for those saying this can’t possibly be GRRM’s message....well, it just might be:

Now, how well have D&D executed such an ending if this is, indeed, the ending?

I would say, pretty shittily. It’s not an A or an A+. Because unlike Breaking Bad, we’re still rooting for these characters with only 3 episodes to go. In Breaking Bad, you get that Walter is a villain, he’s “The one who knocks.” He’s the bad guy and he deserves what’s coming to him. Jesse was a prisoner in the end so we’re glad he gets out and gets free.

But with GOT, if everyone ends up being a villain and dying for their sins, it’s shitty. I have faith GRRM would do much better with such an ending. Give us other characters, the smallfolk, to care about to ease the pain of losing our other faves, the mains. But with only 240 minutes to go, there’s no way D&D could make us hate the current characters in a way that makes us also not hate the writers too and the entire series. It’s like...well fuck, why did I ever care in the first place?

Especially as a Dany fan because her whole story has been about what GRRM talks about in the video above. Yes, she has to have this war to take power against Cersei, but she’s the ONLY character who wants to change, make real change that will make a difference to the common man. She wants to “break the wheel that has rolled over rich and poor to the benefit of no one but the Cersei Lannister’s of the world.” She wants to do that!

So if this is the GOT ending, I’m pissed. Because it’s as if Dany’s purpose is just...forgotten. Or not worthy because she wants to take power and get revenge for her family at the same time. Perhaps it’s because of this, I still am holding out one last sliver of hope that Dany and Jon survive, because out of everyone, their motives most closely align to this ideal.

But again, not holding my breath.

And if you guys don’t hate me after reading this, let me know what you think!

[jemmo]

Are you and your sister not watching BBS together anymore?

WE ARE!!!!! here is a statement from my sister;

“apologies to all my adoring fans but our household, including me, has been hit with covid and kept me away from my boys, but we will be reunited this week, i promise. my hilarious commentary will return 👍”

so yes, between covid and not getting the house to ourselves on fridays, we had to put it on pause. but we do have a free friday tonight so we will be watching ep 4 (…and maybe 5) tonight.

we did watch ep 3 and I have the notes for it on my phone but we were both so sleepy my sister promptly fell into what she called a ‘pat nap’ and I was too tired to make the post, but I’ll get around to that with tonight’s notes. so don’t worry, we will be back v v soon 😁😁

[nohankho-blog1]

NEW ALBUMS YOU SHOULD LOOK FORWARD TO, THIS FRIDAY (03.27.20)

As every Friday, music will come to overwhelm the streaming services, and while you may be waiting for your favorite artist/band new release, I will help out with a list of albums coming out this Friday that may be of your interest, if my quick description and thoughts of the singles buy you in. 

1. DUA LIPA / FUTURE NOSTALGIA / SYNTH POP

The biggest album of the week - and one of the albums that changed the release date thanks to the coronavirus - will be coming from Dua Lipa and her sophomore effort “Future Nostalgia”. Personally, I am really looking forward to hear what Dua has to offer since I was a huge fan of her very catchy debut back in 2017, the singles are promising - “Physical” rules! - , offering a more tailored production. Let’s see if Dua can come out with a great pop album. 

Single to check out: Physical

2. JORDANA / CLASSICAL NOTIONS OF HAPPINESS / BEDROOM POP

A re-release of the debut album that brought the 19-year-old to sign on a deal with Grand Jury Music, this release will expand with up to three new tracks, one of the most promising bedroom pop figures at the moment. 

Single to check out: Sway 

3. BON IVER / BLOOD BANK EP (10th Anniversary Edition) / LIVE 

Having seen Bon Iver live is already one of the highlights of my life, for sure, and this live EP of “Blood Bank” - one of my favorite EPs of all time - will indeed, rock the emotions out of you, I promise, there are just a few bands that are able to capture the magic of such songs and reshape them into something truly magnificent with live perfomances. 

Single to check out: Blood Bank (Live from Ericsson Globe, Stockholm SE, Oct 31, 2018)

4. NAP EYES / SNAPSHOT OF A BEGINNER / INDIE ROCK 

The band first came to my attention with one of the catchiest indie rock singles of the year “Mark Zuckerberg”, which I found to be incredibly well written, fun and energetic, it was enough for me to keep track of them with the singles which followed, and so far they haven’t disappointed, I have to say there is a nice balance between ballads and danceable tracks. 

Single to check out: So Tired 

5. DEEPER / AUTO-PAIN / POST PUNK 

What really grabbed me during the singles roll-out was singer/guitarist Nic Gohl’s lively perfomances, they went along perfectly with the sweet melodies the singles had to offer, kind of cute for a punk album. 

Single to check out: This Heat 

6. ACTIVITY / UNMASK WHOEVER / ART ROCK 

Intriguing as it gets, the New York band has released three singles so far, each one of them stood out thanks to the eerie and grainy production which I am a fan of, hoping their debut album will be as good as the singles. 

Single to check out: Nude Prince 

7. LITTLE DRAGON / NEW ME, SAME US / SYNTH POP

The two singles release were killer, this album looks just as promising, I hope that this is the project that finally makes me get into Little Dragon.

Single to check out: Are You Feeling Sad? (Feat. Kali Uchis) 

8. MARGARET GLASPY / DEVOTION / ALTERNATIVE ROCK 

Some of the most exciting vocal work I have heard this year with the three singles Margaret released through these three months, and I also loved the nuanced incorporation of synthesizers into folk like instrumentals, this has everything to be one of the best albums of the month. 

Single to check out: Killing What Keeps Us Alive

9.  CABLE TIES / FAR ENOUGH / POST PUNK 

I like the madness and the high-powered songs I have heard so far coming from Australia’s punk trio, I expect nothing but ragers. The singles have been a fun time, however, I just hope the full picture is more realized, if that happens, I’ll be in for the long term. 

Single to check out: Sandcastles

10.  BRIAN FALLON / LOCAL HONEY / FOLK ROCK 

If you like Phoebe Bridgers, I feel like this might be up your alley, since I am a diehard fan of Phoebe, I sense I will enjoy this album big time, the singles are cute/sad, his voice is sweet, it’s there to love. 

Single to check out: Horses 

- A handful of albums I also recommend - without the short description -

11. NICOLAS JAAR / CENIZAS 

Haven’t heard singles or anything - if there have been any - but a Nicolas Jaar album is always well received, even more when he’s just released an amazing album under A.A.L.

12. OLIVER TREE / UGLY IS BEAUTIFUL 

No singles yet but his EPs have been GREAT. Hyped for the debut. 

13. Quick Shout-Out

Waxahatchee, Half Waif, Knxwledge, Sorry, FACS and Bongeziwe Mabandla also have albums coming out this friday, some of them have had great singles but not enough for me to write something. 

Hope you enjoy the albums listed!

[circuit-music]

2019 Music Recommendations

2019. Another stellar year! There was so much excitement this year to be found musically. First off some surprises from some older acts who haven’t released material in decades. Both Heavy Water Factory and Numb had terrific returns to form with new full lengths this year and not surprisingly after the long slumbers - still showcased modern sounds and futuristic ideas. Some terrific re-issues this year from the likes of Dive, Force Dimension and Robotiko Rejekto all from the awesome Mecanica label. If you missed them the first go-around seek them out – those are all important artifacts in the industrial-ebm history. Oh yeah, they also re-issued Acid Horse and Pailhead records this year too!  Synth-pop and synth wave made a huge impact again this year with remarkable releases from Hatchie (favorite record of the year), Silent Em, Luminance, Iris, Body of Light, Minuit Machine, Wingtips, Replicant and others. Post-punk seemed to be the buzz phrase this year with a lot of attention on it. Many great records from the likes of Foreign Resort, Present Moment, Ritual Howls, Veil of Light and Years of Denial. Retro sounding EBM still caught my attention with outstanding releases from Klack, Randolph & Mortimer and Unconscious. Likewise, there was so much contemporary energy surging in the newer techno-ebm realm with punchy releases from Crystal Geometry, Maedon, Kontravoid, Raffaele Attanasio, Rhys Fulber, Ansome and so many others. This isn’t a top 10, top 25 or even a top 100. Instead, it’s an A-Z recommendation list encompassing many genres as those lines are getting more and more blurred.  The majority of what I listen to is electronic based and that runs a whole gamut of sub-genres from techno-ebm, to synth-pop to whatever. A good tune is a good tune, regardless of genre. For each release I’ve listed a format (the one I purchased the release in). If there’s not a format listed - it’s usually digital. My preferred format is vinyl, but if you can’t find it on vinyl it’s likely available digitally as well. RE stands for re-issue by the way.

There’s a ton of new pioneering music out there for sure waiting to be discovered and it’s the “what’s next” that keeps me a motivated music fan. There’s never a dull moment in speaking, writing, DJ'ing or promoting new music, so I’ll keep doing it and hopefully be a guide for you all ;).  

HIGHLY encourage you to get out there and seek out new music; Visit the record stores, go hear a new DJ, fire up Spotify or another streaming service, check out some new music via podcast, DJ mixes, label sites, online retailers, Facebook, BANDCAMP, BANDCAMP, BANDCAMP, etc. There’s a plethora of discoveries to be found out there. If you do the work, you’ll be rewarded ;)   Speaking of Spotify – I made a playlist this year featuring plenty of the bands on my list. There’s at least a track or more from the artist who have a presence on Spotify. Here’s the link: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3ZxvyspTQAiizVe2WN43Fr?si=jsLN6-DiS5WQerWSRbb9Fg

As in years past I’m sure I missed a few things, ignored the hype on certain releases or just plain forgotten something. If it needs mention and I overlooked it - I may do an addendum in the next week or so. Anyways, got your notepaper and plenty of beverages ready? Don’t be a TL:DR (Too Long: Didn’t Read) fool. Read up. Enjoy the music of 2019!

Onwards with the list!!! :D  

-Marc

000 - We Became Reptiles EP (RND. Records) Adam-X - Midnight Sun 12” (BITE)

AEmit - Devourer 12” (Fleisch) Ansome - Hounds of the Harbour 2x12” (Perc Trax) 

Arkan - Stamina (RND Redcords)

Autumns - Shortly After Nothing LP (Death & Leisure) - Pissing Away My Youth CS (Opal Tapes) Autumns/Verset Zero - ST 12” (Soil Records) Axkan - Torment 12” (Omen Recordings) Blush Response - Fissures in the Megastructure (Schematic Music Company) - Selection for Societal Sanity 12” (Sacred Court)

Body Beat Ritual - Instinct Primitive/Crash report 12” (Haven)

Body of Light - Time to Kill LP (Dais)

Boy Harsher - Careful LP (Nude Club) - Tears 12” (Nude Club) - Come Closer 12” (Nude Club)

Cardinal & Nun - I Met the Devil 12” (L.I.E.S.)

Celldod - Under Isen 12”(Veleno Viola) - Myndighetsforakt 12”(Unstable Signal) - Kemisk CS (AMOK)

Cervello Elletronico - Top Ded Ctr. CD (HANDS)

Chromatics - Closer to Grey CD (Italians Do It Better) - The Sound of Silence (Italians Do It Better) - Time Rider (Italians Do It Better) - Petals (Italians Do It Better)

Codex Empire - Slow Erosion 2xLP (aufnahme+wiedergabe)

Cold Cave - Promised Land (Heartworm Press)

Comfort Cure - Night Sweat (Self-released) - Intimate Vocabulary (Self-released) Confines - Geography of Nowhere CS (Synthicide)

Crystal Geometry - The Cyber Heresy 12” (Sonic Groove) - State of Play 12” (HANDS) - XV Signs of Doomsday CS (Tripalium Records) - Hexa Hexes (RND. Records)

Dax J - Chaos Comes to Conquer 12” (Monnom Black) Distant - Fallen Emperor CS (Detriti Records)

Dive - True Lies 2xLP (Mecanica RE)

Downwell - I See Death in Your Eyes 12” (Oraculo Records) Fee Lion - Blood Sisters - Blood Sisters Remixes (BOUND)

Force Dimension - Dues Ex Machina 2xLP (Mecanica RE)

Foreign Resort - Outumbered LP (Artoffact Records)

Fractions - Scars of Love 12” (Fleisch) - Constellations 12” (Rotterdam Electronix Harsh Mentor - Salve 12” (aufnahme+wiedergabe)

Hatchie - Keepsake LP (Heavenly Records)

Headless Horseman - 008 12” (Headless Horseman)

Heavy Water Factory - Fluid and Meat Remastered (Self-released) - Spillage (Self-released) - Purity of Evil (Self-released) - Amandava (Self-released) - Reaktif (Self-released)

Horrorist - Separate Dimension 2xLP (aufnahme+wiedergabe)

I Hate Models - L'Âge Des Métamorphoses 3xLP (Perc Trax) - Intergalactic Emotional Breakdown 12” (Arts)

Illnurse - Unreleased (Self-released)

Image of Life - Attended by Silence LP (Kernkrach)

Imperial Black Unit - Murder Under Establishment 12” (aufnahme+wiedergabe)

Inhalt Der Nacht - Deine Aura 12” (Seelen)

Iris - Six LP (Dependent)

IV Horseman - Dies Irae 12” (aufnahme+wiedergabe) Keepsakes - Modern Anxious Vernacular 12” (HAVEN)

Klack - 2400bps 8-N-1 (klackprodukt) - Introducing the 1984 Renault LeCar, Layover

Kontravoid - Too Deep LP (Fleisch)

Korine - Uncrossed / To You 7” (Born Losers Records)

Kris Baha - My Master 12” (Pinkman) - Palais 2xLP (CockTail d’Amore Music) Lapse of Reason - Sorrows 12” (aufnahme+wiedergabe)

Leathers – Phantom Heart (Self-released)

Liebknecht - Produkt V1.2 LP (Ant-Zen) - Ice Over Erfurt (Digital) - Koln EP (Digital)

Linea Aspera - Preservation Bias LP (Dark Entries RE)

Luminance - Ahead 2xLP (Medical Records) Lust For Youth - Lust For Youth LP (Sacred Bones),

Maedon - Against His Will 12” (Sonic Groove)

Maenad Veyl -  Body Count 2xLP (Veyl) - Onto Duat 12” (Bedouin Records) Mind | Matter - Peste Nere CS (Detriti Records)

Minuit Machine - Infrarouge LP (Synth Religion)

Multiple Man -  High on the Hog 12” EP (Fleisch) New Frames - Schweres Wasser 12” (HANDS)

Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Ghosteen 2xLP (Ghosteen Ltd.) Nordstaat - Ein Opfer Auf Dem Altar Der Technologie CS (Clan Destine Records)

Nostromo - Extreme Manifestations 12” (aufnahme+wiedergabe)

Numb - Mortal Geometry LP (Metropolis)

Parallx - RP4 (R-Label Group)

Physical Wash - Physical Death CS (Self-released)

Populists aka Yan Wagner - Belgian Trip 12” (Detriti Records)

Present Moment - Split LP (Oraculo Records)

Radical G/Horrorist - RR2 (R-Label Group)

Raffaele Attanasio - Lust It Fills the Space 12” (LFJ)

Randolph & Mortimer - Manifesto for a Modern World CD (Self-Released) - Exclude/Divide (mp3 self-released) - R&M Remixes (mp3 self-released) - Electronic Body Weapon (mp3 self-released) - Body (mp3 self-released)

Rendered - Adrenalin EP (Mindcut)

Rendered / Black Egg - No Compromise 12” (Tripalium)

Replicant - A Taste of Midnight LP (self-released) - Pale Blue (mp3 self-released) - Lifelike (mp3 self-released)

Rhys Fulber - Ostalgia 2x12” (Sonic Groove) - Baut Mit 12” (Sonic Groove)

Rhys Fulber + Blush Response - Corruption of Form 12” (Sonic Groove)

Ritual Howls - Rendered Armour LP (Felte) - A Safe Haven From the Sun Robotiko Rejekto  - Communication 87-92 2xLP (Mecanica RE)

S.I.T.D. - Stunde X LP (Infacted Recordings) - Sturmlicht CD Single (Infacted) - Requiem X CD Single (Infacted) Salem Unsigned - Cantica (RND Records)

SARIN - Moral Cleansing LP (BITE) SARIN / Imperial Black Unit - Will to Destroy 12” (BITE)

Schwefelgelb - Aus Dem Gesicht Remixed 12” (aufnahme+wiedergabe) Sharplines - Born of God and Void CS (Dead By Overdose)

Silent EM - The Absence LP (Disko Obscura) Sina XX - My Body, Your Rules EP (RND Records)

T_error 404 - Spacemorgue (Khemia Records) - Ritual of Time (Area Z)

Test Dept. - Disturbance LP (One Little Indian) - White Label 12” (One Little Indian)

Thomas P Heckman - Acid Seduction 5 12” (AFU Limited) - Bone Breaker 12” (Molekul) - EBM Manifest Part 3 the Remixes 12” (AFU Limited) - EBM Manifest Part 4 The Remixes II 12” (AFU Limited) Tommy 47 - Veer 2xLP (47) - Veer Remixed 2xLP (47)

TR/ST - The Destroyer Part 1 LP (Grouch), - The Destroyer Part 2 LP (Grouch), - Gone (Grouch) Unconscious - Your God Is Dead LP (Detriti Records)

Unhuman - Nylon Speech 12” (BITE) Various – Benzeen Part 1 (Green Fetish records)            with: New Frames, hel.IV, LAVEN and more

Various – Infidel Selection Vol. 2 CS (Infidel Bodies)            with: Rendered, Crystal Geometry, Thomas P Heckmann, Hypnoskull and more Various – RAW Compilation Second Breath Parts 1-4 (RAW)            with: I Hate Models, Keepsakes, 14anger, Crystal Geometry, IV Horseman and plenty more Various – Sardonic Tonality Vol. 1 12” (HAVEN)            with: New Frames, Keepsakes, Ansome and more Various – Self Aware IV CS (X-IMG)            with: Konkurs, Primary, Survival Paradox, Unconscious and more

Various – Synthicide II 12” (Synthicide)            with: Ortrotasce, Andi, Cervello Elettronico and more

Various – The World of Monnom Black II 3xLP (Monnom Black)            with: Fractions, Zanias, Dax J and more Veil of Light - Inflict LP (Avant!) Veldt - Ground Floor CD (Detroit Industrial)

Velvet May - Vast as Black Night 12” (Tears on Waves) - Unknown Bodies 12” (Tears on Waves) Verschwender  - Face of Silence 12” (Seelen)

Vittorio Di Mango - RND.R030 (RND Records) VTSS - Self Control 12” (HAVEN) Wingtips - Exposure Therapy CD (Artoffact Records)

Years of Denial - Suicide Disco 2xLP (VEYL) - Body Map 12” (Pinkman Broken Dreams)

Yello - Bostich (ancient methods remix) 12” (aufnahme+wiedergabe)

[world-en0ugh-and-time]

Watching Classic Doctor Who!

#1: An Unearthly Child, 1963.

A new blog series in which I (a 20 year old who grew up with NuWho) watch every surviving episode of Classic Who ever and share my thoughts!

[all images/screen caps mine. feel free to use, credit if you’re feeling extra nice!]

(previous posts: [1], [2])

At 5:16 pm on Saturday 23rd November 1963, when the first ever du-du-du-du sounded from television screens across Britain, whilst a strange light cut a black background and morphed into strange abstract pattern while the now iconic wee-wooo-woooo played, I don’t think anybody could have predicted that almost 56 years later, that theme would be one of the most recognisable tunes in television history.

Over 40 years later, a little girl watched a blue box fly through strange circles of light and heard the same theme play for the first time, the words “Doctor Who” appearing in an orange oblong shape, and my own love for this remarkable programme was born. Just as my father, aged eleven in 1963 had been drawn in by this exciting new adventure in time and space, I was smitten, and thirteen years later my love is still going strong. So read on for my thoughts/review/commentary on the first ever story that Doctor Who gifted to us, An Unearthly Child! I’ll try and keep it spoiler free for those who haven’t seen it before.

The first thing I noticed was how similar the original theme music arrangement was to the current version today. I miss Murray Gold’s music massively but I love this nod to the show’s roots that Segun Akinola has given us! It really fits with Chibnall’s back-to-basics take on the show. The original title sequence is so trippy and cool, amazing given the limited technology in the early sixties!

The first main characters we meet are schoolteachers Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright, who muse over strange but brilliant fifteen year old student, Susan Foreman, whose grandfather “doesn’t like strangers”. Barbara lends Susan a huge book on the French Revolution, which she promises to have read by the next morning. Gallifreyans seem to have the skills to read incredibly fast, and I like the nod to this concept in the first ever episode of the rebooted series, where Nine reads a whole book in seconds.

When Barbara and Ian follow Susan “home”, she enters an empty junkyard and disappears. The only thing in the yard is a blue police telephone box... This show instantly feels wonderfully familiar and I know I’m in for a great time.

And then we meet the Doctor, the original Doctor! William Hartnell is old and crotchety and clever and wonderful and although a far cry from Matt Smith or Jodie Whittaker, I instantly feel that this is the Doctor, and he is brilliant.

Ian: I think we’d better go and fetch a policeman. And you’re coming with us!

The Doctor, very sarcastically: oooh, am I?

I love the sass!

Without giving too much else away, episode 1/4 culminates in the Doctor kidnapping Barbara and Ian (another great nod from Chibnall by having Thirteen do the same thing to her first companions, albeit accidentally) and I did laugh out loud when the T.A.R.D.I.S. taking off made Barbara and Ian faint, VERY dramatically. The big reveal of the bigger on the inside doesn’t disappoint, and once again this grainy old black and white programme from 35 years before I was even born feels completely like home.

The next three episodes are set in 100,000 BC, where the Doctor and his companions find themselves trying to escape a tribe of savage cavemen. My archaeological knowledge did ruin this a bit as by the Middle Palaeolithic, man definitely had command of fire (evidence suggests that homo erectus were already using fire!) and it is rather an insult to our poor hunter-gatherer ancestors dressing them up like Neanderthals and suggesting they have no concept of friendship. But the story is great fun and we get to see some early character development, although I was not at all happy when the Doctor was willing to smash the skull of an injured caveman just because he was slowing down their escape! I like the theory that Ian stopping him is what cemented his love for humanity and stopped him from going ‘too far’, though, and makes me think of the wonderful friendship that was Donna and Ten.

And a favourite quote,

The Doctor: Fear makes companions of us all.

He says this to Barbara when she remarks on him being kind to her, and is such a central idea to Doctor Who. Of course Moffat would make it that CLARA implanted this sentiment in a young Doctor’s mind in Listen, which is really quite infuriating as while I liked Clara, Moffat’s lowkey obsession with her as a character was rather tiresome after a while. Still, I like the connections that can be made between Classic and NuWho.

Needless to say they make it out alive and fly off to a new planet, where a Geiger counter needle creeping to “critical” leaves us on a cliffhanger for the next story: The Daleks. On the screen we see a (incredibly unrealistic) jungle world. We have arrived for the first time on the planet Skaro.

Some overall thoughts then.

Characters:

Susan’s premise is great, but her constant screaming gets annoying after a while. Apparently this is why Carole Ann Ford left the role, and tbh I can see why. I love her’s and her grandfather, the Doctor’s relationship though!

Barbara and Ian are cuties together! I ship it. Ian is certainly a “tiresome young man” at times but I like the two overall. Look how cute!!

The Doctor! Yes, I love Hartnell! I’m looking forward to him softening up a bit but I can really see where Capaldi took inspiration from him and I do love grumpy space grandpa!Doctor.

The story:

Prehistoric inaccuracies aside, it was a fun story. The set and props are laughable at times but it’s the low-budget-ness of this show that is one of the things I love. Shoutout to this hilarious dead wild boar:

I’d like to take a minute to cry about the fact that ‘John Smith’ isn’t any old alias, but a member of one of the Doctor’s grandaughter’s favourite Earth bands. (S)he’s such a softie at heart. I wonder what alias Thirteen would take.

The T.A.R.D.I.S. interior is great. It has the original round things! I love the round things!

Fun facts:

The bones in the ‘Cave of Skulls’ came from an abattoir. Apparently they smelt awful under the hot studio lights.

The assassination of JFK took place the day before the first episode aired. They re-aired the episode the next week before the second ep as viewing figures had been low due the the news.

And that’s me about done! Sorry this post has been SUPER long, but I hope it’s an interesting read for modern and classic Who fans alike! Next post, my thoughts on the first ever meeting of the Doctor and the Daleks.