#so I went through his photos on Facebook and it turns out that his 2 modes are

[himblebo]

The most important phase of any sewing project: moodboard

[b5withextrachicken]

FALLING IN LOVE? - JAMAL MUSIALA

pairings: jamal musiala x fem!reader

summary: they were seen kissing at a party but she can't quite remember. now she wants to find out if does.

(i hate this and also english isn't my first language.)

(pictures are not mine)

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Perfection. Pure perfection. That was probably the only word that could describe his performance today.

My eyes were practically glued to the pitch as my gaze followed his every move. He was at his best today, making his way through the defenders, dribbling out every single one of them. That man was sickeningly good on the field, I had to admit as I watched from the stands. The atmosphere was loud, cheering and addicting. Not where I usually spent a friday night but I could get used to it. Especially when the view was this good.

At a party several weeks ago I had befriended another peer group of athletes, temporarly increasing my number of close friends from 2 to 7. Normal, right? Well, no, because when I woke up with a headache the next morning and checked my way-too-bright phone on the nightstand, it was blown up with messages. Whatsapp, Insta, TikTok... even Facebook. Photos, low-quality videos, theories. There were strangers on the internet speculating about me and a boy. That boy. The boy i later found out was Jamal Musiala. The pictures clearly showed me and him. Way too close. But the worst thing was: I couldn't remember what happened that night.

And that's what brought me here today, to the front row of the Allianz Arena. Because since that night, I couldn't help but wonder if he remembered me or anything that happened. I needed to see him.

The game was heated, the tension could've been cut by a knife. A winner wasn't yet clear when the ball made its way to Jamals feet again. Even from across the pitch I could see his expression fall into concentration as he skillfully turned and sprinted through the opposition towards their goal. It was like the whole stadium went quiet as the fans and rivals realised his chance. He moved to a perfect position to aim. Shot. Scored.

The south curve went wild. Fans spilled their beer. Plastic cups flew. Bayern took the lead in the 87th minute, now so close to a home win. The scorer wearing the number 42 on his back ran over to them to celebrate his goal. He was ecstatic, smiling as he got closer to the barricade.

That's when his gaze met mine.

It was sudden. Fast. But for that minuscule second I could see his eyes light up. A telling spark. Was it recognition? Our momentary connection was severed when his team mates finally caught up to him, engulfing him in a wild hug almost sending the young man to the floor. I smiled, deciding to push the heavy thoughts to the back of my mind for now and embrace the warm atmosphere.

..........

The game was over, proudly ending in a 2:1 for Bayern Munich. The masses hurried to the exits, hoping to avoid the cramped traffic after the win. I lingered around, taking my time to collect my things and also to circumvent the crowded halls of the stadium for a little longer. My mind was racing as the stands cleared out, only leaving trash and spilled beer behind. I was about to sip up my jacket when-

"Y/N?"

I practically whirled around at the sudden voice and my gaze (once again) was met by those chocolate brown eyes that belonged to no other than Jamal. He took a small step back startled by my movement and send me an apologetic look for the scare. Now there was a litte more than an arms-length between us.

"Uh-hey!" I answered nervously, a shaky smile painting my lips. This wasn't at all how I imagined our encounter. My eyes scanned his appearance, he wore a baggy tracksuit jacket over his kit, the grass residues on his shorts still evident from the many fouls he had to endure. He hadn't even made it to the locker room. My gaze lingered on his lips before locking with his eyes again.

His mouth stretched into a sweet smile "Hey..."

Awkward silence. A few beats passed. I looked around nervously, my eyes now darting to anywhere but him. What was I supposed to talk about now? The weather?

Jamal also shuffled around nervously, looking down at his cleats. It was clear we both beat around the bush. He looked back up at me, his gaze resembling that of a deer. "So...Why-I mean, what brought you here, I didn't think I'd see you again..." he asked carefully. A blush tainted my cheeks "Uhm, I just... wanted to see you." I started, embarassed "You know, after the party." pausing for a moment, I thought back to the pictures of us kissing, contemplating if I should ask the question and just get it of my chest. Yeah. Best option.

"Do you remember anything about that night? Like what happened exactly? Did we... do something?"

It tumbled out of my mouth, one ask fused to another. I watched as his posture shifted, his eyes slightly widening. "What? No,no,no." he shook his head. A small wave of relief washed over me but it couldn't tame the burning lack of knowledge about that night. "Then what happened, the only thing I know is that I woke up with a headache.". He took a step back, processing my words before answering. "We had a good night you know, dancing, drinking...kissing. It went well until some drunk incel pushed you and you hit your head on a door frame..." the man paused, anger flashing in his eyes for a second. "He knocked you out. I drove you to the hospital. Your friends picked you up."

My mouth opened to reply, but quickly closed when no good answer formed on my tongue. It wasn't what I expected, but I still didn't know what to think about it.

"You waited at the hospital?" I asked, now completely catching up to what he said.

"Yeah." Jamal looked down to the floor again, hiding the faint red that now tinted his cheeks. "I wanted to ask for your number but... after everything happened I didn't think it was appropriate..." He trailed off.

"Oh-OH..well..." I was taken aback. Caught off-guard. Then I suddenly felt confidence seep through my body.

"You could ask me now."

He looked at me, a beat passed, then his face lit up. He took his phone out of his pocket and handed it to me, ready to enter the digits. As I was about to give him the phone back, he cleared his throat.

"Are you free next friday? It's my free day and maybe we could meet up at a café?" He asked, also growing more confident now. I blushed, and nodded, still a little overwhelmed by what just happened. "Yes, yes I'd love to. 5pm? Hopefully this time I'll remember..." I chuckled and Jamal quickly joined in. The situation now blurred into a sweet moment as we stood in the stadium that was completely empty. I smiled as I looked up at him. His eyes drifted to my lips before they met mine again.

"You better stay away from the door frames."

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my first piece on here, yayyy ig

[tbgblr2]

Babymoon - Sophia and John - part 2

As John and Sophia finally roused themselves the next day, sleeping in unexpectedly as they hadn’t been woken by the twins, the pair grabbed their robes and put them on, heading out of the bedroom to the sound of a house full of activity.

Sophia’s father was playing with the children, some sort of running around game in the back garden, the door wide open and their giggles and laughter able to be heard as the couple descended the stairs.

True to form, Sophia’s mother had prepared some breakfast and was sitting reading the morning newspaper when she caught sight of the couple coming down the stairs.   She carefully put the newspaper away and headed back over to her cooker, where she pulled out two plates of breakfast food which had been left to keep warm ready for the couple making their entrance.

Sleepily, Sophia yawned and stretched, asking why she wasn’t woken up, to which her mother replied that the kids poked their head into the bedroom door after they had gotten up and they were both sound asleep so having seen their grandparents up they just came and spent time with them instead.

“New bed…” joined John in the yawn “Can never get to sleep on the first night.”   Sophia’s mother gave a knowing smile.

As the couple started on their breakfast, Sophia’s mother asked what they were planning on doing for the day.

“I was hoping you could look after the kids for us today… we have Maria booked for our maternity photoshoot”.

“Oh yes” Sophia’s mother responded, remembering their earlier conversation.  “Nice to know such a big shot can still remember her roots, say hello to her for me.”

“Don’t worry, you can do it yourself, she’s coming over here to meet us first” replied Sophia, with a smile.

Maria had been Sophia’s childhood friend through school.   Unfortunately, her parents had moved away when they were young and the two children lost touch, but through the wonders of modern technology (and a large portion of Facebook) the two had reconnected recently.   Maria was well known to the family as a photographer for clothing models in high end fashion houses, she had worldwide recognition for her craft.   The fact that she could simply come and take some photos of her childhood friend and her husband was a small miracle.

“She said she had some free time off so wanted to come and see me and the bump” announced Sophia.

The pair excused themselves and went to get changed, packing what they needed and choosing their outfits for the photoshoot.  About an hour or so later, Sophia’s phone buzzed as she got a text, announcing that Maria was on her way.

As a car pulled up to the front of the house – a very high end SUV – Sophia took a glance out of the window to see the door opening and a woman easing herself out of the drivers seat with her back to her onlooker.  As she turned, and saw Sophia’s face in the window, she waved, Sophia waving her hand back in greeting.

“Well… that’s a turn up for the books” muttered Sophia quietly.   Then silently to herself she thought that she and John were going to have the time of their lives today.   As Maria approached the house, then knocked at the door, John went to it and opened it wide to admit the guest.

What greeted him was a vision of beauty – Maria was slightly smaller than Sophia, light brown hair with some areas highlighted blonde, and a very prominent pregnant belly sticking well out in front of her.  “Hi.  I’m Maria.  You must be John… nice to meet you” she offered her hand.

John took it, gave it a shake, a little dumbstruck and offered her to come in, moving out of the way of the door to allow her to come past.   Maria bounded past and embraced her childhood friend in a hug – at least as close to a hug as they could manage, both of their pregnant bellies squishing together with the closeness of their embrace.

“You should have told me” screeched Sophia, holding her friend back at arm’s length to take in the full view of her expanded middle.

“What… and miss that sort of reaction, no way missy!” exclaimed Maria, her face alight with a smile.

“How long… how many weeks…” spluttered Sophia in response.

“I’m 39 weeks gone now.   When I said I had time on my hands, it was because as of last week, I had officially started my maternity leave.   Joe flew us both out here so I could have the baby with my parents – they moved back here a few years ago – and he said he wanted the bit of R&R away from the paparazzi.” Explained Maria.

Maria’s husband, Joey Fury – or at least his stage name – was a drummer and manager for a well-known rock band.   Most of their time was spent in LA, or if not, jet-setting all over the world where either the band or Maria’s work took them, and it seemed a little strange having them in what is essentially suburban Spain.

“So where are you staying?” enquired Sophia.

“Oh… only the best darling” grinned Maria “We’re at the 5 star hotel just a mile or so from Es Trenc beach.   We’re on the penthouse and have hired out all the next floor below.   Have a hospital and helicopter on standby should anything start, but I’m hoping that over the next week or two everything will happen and I’ll be a mum soon after.  I wanted you to use the penthouse for your photo shoot, because my god its beautiful in there.”

“Can’t wait” grinned Sophia, echoing Maria’s expression, and the two hugged again.

Sophia’s parents wandered into the room at this point, both taken aback by the sight of the other pregnant woman in the room.   After exchanging pleasantries and kissing the children goodbye for the day, Sophia looked over at Maria, who nodded and announced that they should be off, with the trio heading down to the SUV car and heading off for the drive to the hotel.

As they reached the entrance to the hotel, the three climbed out of the car and Maria handed the keys off to a valet who drove the car off to the parking area.   As the group walked into the hotel lobby, the exquisite crystal decorations and ornate furnishings took both Sophia and John’s breath away.   “How the other half live” whispered Sophia to John, trying not to look too starstruck at the sights in front of her.

“Follow me folks” called Maria, as she set off for the lift, John and Sophia following a short distance behind, eyes darting left and right taking it all in.   A ‘ding’ announced the arrival of the lift, and broke the pair’s reverie.   The lift was roomy – even for three people, two of which were pregnant, there was more than enough room for the three to spread out.  Maria slipped a credit card sized key from between her breasts, and flourishing it with a wicked grin, pressed it into a slot and keyed in the top number on the buttons.

“If you like this… prepare to be dazzled” she continued to grin, as the doors closed, and the group felt the carriage begin to move.   A short while later, and another ‘ding’ heralded their arrival.   As the door opened, Sophia took a step back to give the two their first, unobstructed view of the penthouse apartment.   The vision in front of them was breath-taking.  

Completely open plan, the view was obstructed only by the occasional supporting column, but their eyes were drawn to the windows – which were floor to ceiling in height.   The view was completely clear all the way out to the beach, so given the height of the building and which floor they were situated on, meant the party had a perfect unobstructed view of the gorgeous vista in front of them.

Sitting at one end of the room was Joey… watching the large screen TV, who paused the movie, and stood up as he heard the party approach.  He first grabbed Maria by the belly and kissed her deeply.  “Welcome home” he announced then turned, offering his hand and shaking Johns then doing the same with Sophia, but he took a more gentle, clasped hand approach with her. “And we have visitors, please make yourself at home.  Do you want a drink?   Got some nice alcohol free prosecco for the ladies, and I hope you’ll join me for a beer?”

Joey was a middle aged man, in his 50’s with silver hair.   His body was fit though – you could tell he worked out, and there was no sign of middle aged spread in his figure. 

“Oh… erm…” John was completely starstruck, completely unable to act.  Joey smiled.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to bite” laughed Joey, his infectious smile lighting his face.

John regained his composure “Sure… anything you have will be fine” he stammered.   Joey looked over at Sophia who nodded and announced “Yes, please.”

Joey’s laugh boomed out “You two are here to have a bit of time to relax and enjoy yourself… get rid of those sticks up your asses and just be yourselves!” he continued to smile as he headed off to the kitchen area of the room and grabbed a couple of beers from the fridge, then the prosecco bottle, releasing the cork with a loud pop which echoed around the room, pouring the liquid into 2 glasses.   Grabbing those first, he walked back and handed them over to Sophia and Maria, then returned for the beer bottles, opening them on an opener attached to the side of the fridge, handing one over to John as he chinked them together.

“To impending fatherhood!” he announced, saluting both of the ladies with the bottle, as he took a swig from it.  John nodded and took a drink himself, smiling.   “There you go… you’re beginning to look more human already” grinned Joey, as Maria and Sophia giggled in the background.

The foursome spent around 30 minutes just chatting around the kitchen, Joey was extremely forthcoming about this personal life, explaining that Maria was his second wife – his first died fairly young thanks to a drug overdose – one of the hazards of the rock and roll lifestyle – that in itself put him off hard drugs for life, and he’d been clean ever since.   He’d never managed to have kids with his hectic schedule – announcing with a wink at least as far as he knows he doesn’t have any kids – but when he met Maria 3 years ago, he was smitten once more.  He put off performing for a whole year as he followed her around getting her photography business off the ground – when he met her she was quite well known having gotten involved in 2 or 3 big name fashion brands but didn’t quite have the contacts in the business to get her to go into super-stardom status – but Joey managed that side of things.

The baby was planned, he explained – Maria wanted kids before her biological clock started ticking too loudly, and they’re hoping that they can have a few more over the coming years in fairly quick succession so they aren’t taking the break from their various careers on maternity and paternity leave for too extended a time.   They figure that between pregnancies they can still keep their noses into their various work activities so as not to go completely stale – and they were blessed with the option of the top nannies and child development support that money could buy to assist.    Not that they wanted to seem big headed of course… Joey was definitely going to be a man changing diapers and playing with the baby on the swings and throwing a ball around as much as any other dad out there.

Joey’s down to earth attitude completely put John and Sophia at ease as time wore on – and the second set of drinks helped a lot for John too.

Maria excused herself from the conversation and started to set up her camera equipment with three tripods set up in strategically placed locations – one by the bed, one in front of the window overlooking the beach, and another in front of a large green screen she rolled out and put up on a hangar.

“Guess its time for you two to go and get to work” smiled Joey to John and Sophia as the two of them placed their drinks down onto a table and walked over to meet Maria.

“So… where do we get changed?” asked John.

Maria grinned “wherever you want, we don’t have a dressing room… were all adults here.”

Joey bellowed over “Yeah, we’re from Hollywood, seen more cocks, tits and pussy than you’ve had hot dinners”

John looked over between Maria and Sophia and shrugged, unbuttoning his shirt as he walked over to the suitcase he brought with him and opened it up, extracting his suit and Sophias dress from it.

Sophia herself walked over to John and lifted her top up over her head, exposing her bra-clad breasts and modest bump to the room.   Maria gave a wolf whistle with a wicked grin as she did so, Sophia blushed red – considering the past escapades that she and John had gotten up to she was confused as to why she was reacting this way.  Maria continued with her playful acting, singing a stripping tune as Sophia shimmied out of her jeans, leaving them at a pool between her feet, exposing her matching underwear to the room.   She turned to John, stepping out of the bundle of clothes on the floor, and pulled his shirt down from his shoulders trapping his arms, kissing John with a smile on her face.

Marina giggled “Now she’s putting on a show for us Joey.”    Joey was well aware, not having taken his eyes off the couple for the whole time they were getting undressed.  He once again saluted them with his bottle and gave an approving nod.

Sophia clambered down onto her knees as she unzipped John’s jeans, her head tantalisingly close to his crotch.   John’s dick was on full display poking out of his boxers and out of the unzipped jeans fly.  Sophia gave a small kiss on the end but growled “Down boy… can’t have you on full display during my maternity photos”

Suddenly there was a click, as Maria appeared with a camera and caught the moment.

“One for the personal collection” she winked.

Sophia unbuckled John’s belt and undid his jeans, tugging them down the ground.   This of course was doing nothing for his hard-on but he rode with the playing that Sophia was doing, shimmying his shoulders so his shirt dropped down to the ground behind him.   He clambered down so he was down to ear level with Sophia and whispered “I was so close to fucking you in the mouth right there… I hope you know what you do to me.   Before we leave this house, I’m going to cum deep into you, make your belly and boobs jiggle as I ram into you hard…”

Maria appeared next to them “I heard that… and don’t worry, you’re more than welcome.  This house has some wonderful acoustics.   I hope you’ll at least leave with us one time though… I’ve got a special surprise planned.”

John and Sophia jumped with surprise at the appearance of the bouncy, upbeat friend and the shock made them explode into fits of giggles.   As they got themselves composed Sophia smiled, looking down between Johns legs.   “Looks like that helped Mr Turtle back into his shell.”

[memorypassage]

This is the story of one Cambridge boy, who, despite all his privileges, felt betrayed by the world. He saw destruction in every corner of his life. He lost all he thought he could ever love, so he fell to his knees and asked God, "Why must you punish me? I'm far too handsome to not be in magazines!"

But God said nothing to me, so I resigned to my room and scrolled, weeping, to the bottom of my Instagram. I clicked furiously through every one of my tagged photos and learned nothing about myself. I asked every girl I’ve ever slept with to rate my performance, and the results were horrifying. I watched Mad Max: Fury Road with my mother to learn what masculinity means. I read the top twelve pieces of relationship advice from How I Met Your Mother on Buzzfeed. I threw out my 2-in-1 and bought separate shampoo and conditioner. I listened to Jerskin Fendrix every day for a month. I googled myself so many times, I started trending. I read back my love letters to southeastern French villages, and knew that I was really just writing about you. I was so busy trying to understand who I was that I forgot my dog's birthday; I'm sorry, Dylan. I woke up every day and had to re-remember all that had been taken from me. Like the whole of Groundhog Day combined with just the second half of 50 First Dates

And at one moment, I never felt more like I wanted to die in my life. And in the next moment, I never felt more like I needed to try in my life. To be who I know I could be. To be an outrageous rock and roll icon. To be a masterful lover. To be the best dressed guy in this Shoreditch venue. To be on the cover of So Young magazine in collage form. To be a well-regarded DJ of rare techno on vinyl only. To be the hero of my dope childhood dreams

So I put on fresh socks and a Kanye West album, and went to find my next calling, to turn the page in the book of my life. I bought a coffee table book about minimalism, and a new sweater. I cut my own hair badly and started using face scrub. I unfollowed every girl who posted pictures of healthy meals, and every girl who posted pictures of happy meals. I’m sorry, Henry. I gave myself a hilarious name on Facebook. I pretended to not know who Lil Yachty was. I told everyone I'd met that I'd never seen Black Mirror. I threw out my bedframe, and put my mattress on the floor. I destroyed my aeropress and started drinking instant coffee. I acted like I knew nothing about craft beer. I bitched about every group in South London. I am sorry, Sorry

And as I started to define myself purely by the things I hated, I knew I had become the antithesis of my 2016 manifesto. I was so lost in my plight to exist, that I forgot to live, and I forgot to love. And so learn from me, children. Be better than I am! Vanity plagues me, but it's not too late for you. I love you. Good night

[boricuacherry-blog]

Valerie Ingorvaia: Missing

Valerie Ingorvaia is a 5'6" 38 year old Hispanic mother from San Antonio, Texas who went missing on November 29, 2019. She was last seen with a man named Chance Stelzig, who was charged after Valerie went missing for beating a 46 year old man to death with a bat which had occurred weeks before Valerie went missing. After leading police on a high speed car chase, they caught up with him and charged him. Mysteriously, though, the DA dropped all charges the week before his trial was set to start.

Valerie went to Fort Worth to spend Thanksgiving with her cousin, who she hadn't seen in awhile. She showed up with an unannounced guest - Chance - who her cousin had never met before, and neither had anyone else. She introduced him as a friend. Her cousin said she didn't like Chance, because he showed no appreciation for anything. She mentioned to Valerie's mother and sister that it seemed like Valerie was afraid to leave the house with him. But she did - leaving early at 2:30 am on Black Friday. She was heading back to her home in San Antonio in Chance's car when she went missing. But before she did, she called her mom and was crying. Her mother, wondering why she was crying so early in the morning, asked what was wrong. She said to tell her kids that she loved them and that she was scared. Her mom, tracking her phone, saw that she was at a Texaco gas station at 7:28. At 10:22 am her phone was shut off.

Her sister Roxanne found it unbelievable she would turn her phone off, because Valerie liked to play Pokémon Go. "She would never do that - she needs to hatch eggs." But her phone was off. Her mom called the cousin Valerie had been visiting and told her to call 911. But the cousin was resistant. "I asked her, 'Are you involved or something?' It was weird. I told her to call police or I would go up there myself. She reluctantly called but didn't want to speak to us after. And we didn't want to speak to her anymore. Who needs family like that? I've had enemies treat me better," said her mom.

They tracked her phone - which was now cracked - on the side of the road, with someone seeming to purposely have covered it with dirt and leaves so it would be harder to find. Not far from the phone were clothes that belonged to Valerie, and they were caked in dry blood. When they called police, her mom said they didn't even seem to care about the clothes and were more interested in the phone. So her mom bagged the clothes up herself and took pictures of where everything had been found.

In a very ill-advised turn of events, Chance denied ever knowing her to police after she went missing. Everyone thought this was very stupid, since Valerie had multiple photos of her with Chance on her Facebook.

Of Valerie and her family, sister Roxanne said:

Both of my parents worked full time and raising four kids can be a hassle, but our parents would rotate hours so wouldn't have to miss any events we were at in school.

My sister Valerie was outgoing and bubbly like me. She was someone who would just accept you for you. Sometimes I would say to her she was too friendly. But Valerie would just respond, 'Oh you don't know what they've been through, maybe they just lost their job. It doesn't hurt to be kind.' I loved her. Growing up she was part of the cheerleading team - she was a cheer leader and she was co-captain of the dance team. She was an old soul, a free loving spirit. She liked going out dancing and she loved horror movies, ever since she was a kid. And by crazy coincidence, all her babies are October babies. She drove a motorcycle and she liked going on drives, and you know, making friends with everybody. She was a people person, which she got from our mom. My mom is like my sister; she would give you the shirt off her back. Whatever she had, she would share it with you.

Valerie was a bartender but she also had other jobs. Her first husband was in the military, and they moved to Alaska for two years [for his job] and she hated it. She said, 'You know, moose come stick their heads in the window like in the movies.' She said she missed Texas - specifically this bubblegum soda called Big Red, and she missed barbacoa.

Unfortunately, her husband became abusive. She was pregnant with my nephew and she told me he hit her. She fell all the way down the staircase and said she couldn't remember how she got there. In 2000 she gave birth to my nephew, but in 2004 they separated.

She had a brain leisure that caused her to have seizures, which we think was from from her husband beating her. She took medication for it everyday otherwise would get tremors and then we'd have to put a popstickle stick in her mouth so she wouldn't bite her tongue. As long as she took her medication she was fine. But when she was on the seizure medication, she knew she couldn't drink.

She was a daily weed smoker though. She was doing well and going back to school when she went missing. We're a very open family and she told us everything, and she was living with me in San Antonio. She told us she was going spend Thanksgiving this year in Fort Worth at the house of her cousin Vee who she hadn't seen in awhile. She said she needed some me time and we understood that because we all need me time at times.

Vee told Roxanne she wasn't expecting a guest and she had never met Chance, so the whole thing was awkward. And Vee said Valerie hadn't told anybody how they met.

We want police to start taking this case seriously and do something about the fact that Chance was the last person to have seen my sister alive and we believe he had involvement in her going missing. Her kids are wondering everyday where their mother is and why authorities don't seem to care about finding her.

[laceandsuch]

100% about how I’m sad about Liam Payne dying and how I love One Direction if that’s not your thing go away please you can totally ignore instead of being mad at me.

So I lived in the Bay and when One Direction were playing in LA for their 1st stadium tour I bought 2 tickets but had no idea who I’d be going with, planning who cares? I’m seeing 1D right?? So it’s summer I’m with my friends all the time and CONSTANTLY on about it. My best friend goes back to school before the concert or I’d drag him with me. BUT. In comes my other friend. He has a festival he wants to go to and no one to go with. For context. LA is an 8 hour drive from where we live. Through CA. In AUGUST. And the festival is 1 hour away and 1 day, it was called Mayhem Fest if you’re interested, it’s a metal festival. That’s what music he liked. Metal. Like, wore a shirt from a metal band every single day type liked. But we agree. The festival is actually super fun! And then we end up driving to LA and by that I mean he does because I don’t have a license and we use my mom’s car but NO AC and remember California in AUGUST. HE IS A SAINT. Does not complain a word. He has been listening to their new song Fireproof he tells me so he’ll be ready for the concert?? And he lets me quiz him on the names of the band members as well as who is singing in various parts of the songs. Unhinged on my part and again saint like. To this day one of my favorite humans. We get there exhausted, spend the night, end up going to the La Brea Tar Pits for whatever reason?? Like that was our choice the morning of the concert… it was fun! And then the concert and it was so fun! And then we stayed another night and had to drive all the way back. And the next year I went again with him and his girlfriend!!! (They got engaged this summer and I cried the moment I found out I was so happy they are the two best people I have ever met and I’m so happy they’re happy!!!!) anyways.

If you don’t get why people are so sad over Liam Payne dying, it’s things like this. Like not only things like this, I also listened to One Direction when I was super depressed and it helped me get through that, but I have so many happy memories attached to them. And it’s just, it’s sad. I was 17 when I started listening to them because I saw a photo set on tumblr of Liam from the Gotta Be You music video when he’s standing in front of the car and he’s like “but don’t be scared, I ain’t going nowhere” and then someone commented under something like Liam what do you mean you’re not going anywhere you’re standing in front of a car! And it was hilarious (and he was super pretty tbh call me weak I was 17) and I went and found the video on YouTube in the fall of 2011 and never turned back. I cried when Zayn left, I cried when they broke up. My older cousin posted on Facebook consoling me and my other cousin because he knew how upset we’d be when they broke up. All my friends knew how much I loved them, like all.

[trying2cope]

The social worker had said cleaners were coming, but I wasted no time.

I couldn't sleep anyway. I was legitimately traumatized. I could only sleep for like 2 hours at a time, 4 max a night. And if the doorbell rang I almost cried from terror. Even when I could see it was just my child's friend wanting to play through the window!

I cleaned. And I cleaned. And I cleaned. But I am not very good at it, so it was still messy. I joined Body Doubling groups. Body Doubling is a technique used by ADHD people to help us accomplish tasks. Basically if we have someone with us when we clean, it's easier. And since I didn't actually have any close friends in this town to ask, I turned to the Internet and talked on the phone with strangers while I cleaned. And I called my family and my friends. And I listened to podcasts and audiobooks.

I called and made appointments with doctors. For me and for the kids. Me because she'd told me that since my mental health was the reason that the house was messy they wouldn't be able to close the case until I had proof I was taking care of it either via medication or therapy. And of course the kids just needed to get their check ups done anyway. I had been meaning to do it, I'd just procrastinated.

Basically everything CPS asked of me was stuff I would have done on my own in the next 6 or so months anyway. Master and I had been making plans for how to get me better so my house would be clean. And he was making me better. I could feel my depression leaving me, slowly. Even without seeing the doctor to get medicine, having him in my life was making me mentally healthier, I could feel it.

I'd felt bad dating online for the past year. Like I knew if people in my life knew, they'd disapprove. Tell me it was too soon. Tell me that my priorities were out of whack. Tell me that it was dangerous for single moms to date. And all that without the added judgement of knowing it was within the BDSM community.

But there had been a burning drive inside me, making me keep looking, even after Dom after Dom that I'd start to think might be the one turned out not to be. Probably half a dozen or more ghosted me, after amazing conversations where we seemed to click. One of them was a catfish who tried to blackmail me saying send me Bitcoin or I'll publish the naughty photos you sent me. I didn't send him a damn thing and nothing happened. One of them made me scared because he had a dream where he stalked me through the forest and tied me to a tree and raped me and told me of this very excitedly. Another I called him and a woman picked up and screamed "Why are you calling?!" and hung up. Another gave me just enough information about his identity I found him on Facebook... and saw photos of his wife, from like a week ago. And so on and so on and so on.

And yet, I'd persisted. Because something inside urged me too. And now that after my long and very tiring search I had finally found MY Master, I felt myself healing. My brain chemistry knew, I thought. It knew I needed a relationship to give me the happy brain chemicals I lacked, to cure my depression. And it was working.

And because I had him, suddenly everything else was easier. Cleaning, working, making phone calls. All of the normal adult things that I had been struggling with were easier because I'd tell Master what I'd done and he'd tell me "good girl" and I'd be so happy.

So I made a lot of progress that first week, waiting and wondering about this cleaner that was supposed to call me, but didn't.

At the end of the week I sent an email to the social worker, unasked for, telling her my progress. The appointments made for the next week, the amount of garbage bags I'd thrown out (7). And I asked about the cleaner.

So she gave me the cleaner's number and name and I called. Left a message.

But I persisted the second week. We went to the pediatrician, got check ups done. I did more cleaning. Got 6 garbage bags out. I sent an email that week again. Asked about the cleaner.

This time she told me the cleaner has been trying to call me but I haven't been answering.

That was not true. If my phone rang the past two weeks, I'd answered. Which wasn't normally true of me, usually I only answer calls from people I know, but because of what was going on I picked up every time.

So I called again. This time I got a receptionist and I asked for the name. She refused to give me her number but took a message.

Finally, a few days later I got a call from the cleaner, who told me she'd come by the next day. "I had the wrong number!" he told me, laughingly and I felt better. I had figured either that had happened, that the social worker had just written my number down wrong so a 1 looked like a 7. Other speculations, that someone was lying about trying to contact me, would have been more insidious. "We need to do a delousing, right? I do that."

"No! I *told* the social worker they didn't have lice!"

"Oh! So that was a false allegation?"

I explained, about my ex not believing it was gone but it was and me telling the social worker. But apparently she hadn't believed me.

"Well, good! Then I don't feel so bad we haven't connected yet. I'd been worrying the kids had been suffering with lice," she said with a laugh, " but I'm glad they're not."

I had thought this was like a one time deep cleaning, and I'd been working on doing the things that a deep cleaner wouldn't have time to do, like collecting spilled pieces of a board game that were scattered amongst actual garbage on the floor so it wouldn't be thrown out. I'd been sitting on a stool in a room with a broom and sweeping everything the broom could reach in the circle around me, towards me. Then I'd painstakingly sort through the pile, sorting trash from toys and clothes and shoes and stationery items and so on and so forth. Then when I'd finish I'd take each pile and try to find a home for it. I'd had to buy many plastic bins.

The trouble with keeping my house clean I'd realized, wasn't too much stuff. We'd moved here with just a few suitcases and thrift store furniture and basic appliances just a year ago. We had not accumulated too much-- but I'd never done the organizing work of assigning everything workable places. Aside from the kitchen, where there was cabinets and drawers assigned to cups and dishes and pots and pans, every other room in the house I'd basically just assigned to the room. Like toys went in the kid's room, but we didn't have an organization system for them. Just like two big baskets, and we had more toys than fit in them anyway. So I had to buy lots of plastic bins and make one for hot wheels, one for Barbies, etc. Stuffed animals went into the big basket that had been the general toy box before.

And the kids had each grown a size, so now we had more clothes than fit in their drawers if they were all clean. So I had to go through the clothes, after washing everything, to pull the too small things and put them in bags to donate or give away.

And we had more shoes than fit on our one shoe rack between the three people. So I put one shoe rack at the bottom of the stairs and told the kids that one was for them. Because they were always trying to put shoes on as the last part of getting ready before going outside anyway, so it made sense for them to be downstairs, but near the stairs to make it accessible if they wanted to grab them while dressing upstairs. I put the other shoe rack in my room for my shoes.

And while the kitchen had some cabinets assigned, there was stuff like garbage bags and tin foil and dish towels that I had just kind of had out on the counter at all times, so I found drawer space for them.

And when I'd bring in groceries, we had a tendency to drop th bags and not unload them immediately. That is, I'd bring all the bags in and drop them in the living room, then look through them for the frozen and refrigerated stuff and put that away, but leave the rest for "later". And when one of us would make the effort to actually bring the bags to the kitchen, we'd often leave the pantry items on the kitchen table instead of taking the time to put them in the cabinets.

And speaking of grocery bags, we had far too many. Because we don't have a car, I had subscribed to a delivery service but they gave way too many plastic bags. I wanted to be responsible and recycle them so I had a cardboard box to collect them in but that one box turned into three and all of them were filled to overflowing because I didn't have a car to actually drive them to the recycling place.

And we also had a ton of cardboard boxes. When we moved here my parents had taken the appliance and moving boxes and thrown them on my back deck, again for me to theoretically recycle, except a few "good boxes" that they'd flattened and put between my pantry and fridge.

At Christmas time, delivery box after delivery box had come because everyone in my extended family, including myself, were worried my kids wouldn't get enough presents this year since I was struggling to eek out a living. So everyone had gone overboard and I'd resorted to pulling my couch out from the wall a few inches and hiding the cardboard there. But of course, more kept coming.

When the cleaner first came, she did not clean.

She was not insidious. In fact, she was a breath of fresh air.

Turns out, she was a former foster kid. And unfortunately, she was abused in her foster home.

"I do this," she told me passionately, "because I don't want ANY of my families to be separated. I believe kids should NEVER be in fostercare."

She told me didn't do a deep clean like I'd thought.

Instead, she'd visit and help me clean for an hour or two at a time. She'd also help with organizing if I needed it, she said. "Whatever YOU need," she insisted. "I am here to help YOU."

And she also provided transportation help. "Not for any and every little thing, but to provide for things the kids need. Like going grocery shopping or--"

"Can you take us to doctor's appointments?" I asked.

"Yes! Exactly like that." And I had an appointment for the vision doctor the next week so she penciled that into her schedule and said what time she'd arrive.

And she was off.

The next week she picked us up. My son's vision was fine. My daughter needed glasses. I felt guilty. Was that why she wasn't reading? No. It turns out she has 20/20 vision BUT she has "alternating extopia", ie two lazy eyes that take turns. "That actually is a good thing," the doctor explained. "Because it takes the strain off it just being one eye." That didn't make sense to me but I took his word for it.

Her lazy eye wasn't unknown to me. I had thought it was just one eye though. She'd worn glasses for it as a toddler, but her eye had corrected enough then she didn't need them anymore. "As they grow, eyes change," the doctor explained. I was just relieved that that wasn't why she wasn't reading. It really was just stubbornness. And insurance would cover up to two pairs of glasses for kids annually, so it was fine.

So it was three weeks after our first conversation and 5 weeks since the social worker had come when the cleaner and I actually cleaned together for the first time.

She came in and I said let's do the living room and dining room. So she had me sit in my stool and she swept everything in both rooms to me while I sorted. I put trash in the trash bag and what we kept I placed on the dining table chairs. She placed some things that were on the floor but obviously not trash on the couch before sweeping the living room to me. When time was up, the floors of both rooms were spotless, but the dining table and couch were covered. I admit this made me twitchy as I have less trouble with floor mess than surface mess for some reason.

"We work well together," she announced. "You did great!"

I was glad she thought so. And the house did look MUCH better, which was very good because finally, finally, after 10 weeks Master was coming back to visit again.

[survivingsusac]

Jesus and Dating

They can-And Should-Go together

In my March 30, 2024, Andi Boudoir post, I casually mentioned that I am venturing into dating.

What it really breaks down into is that God has a couple things in His master plan for his kids lives. And those things do be stirring in me recently. They do be a brewing and a stirring in my heart.

God wants us to be equally yoked with a partner. This means that your faith and dreams align and support one another. This synchronicity is intended to strengthen the way you both pursue God together as well as the impact you both have on serving His kingdom. I, in my rebellious nature, have not dated a practicing man of faith. That one Catholic Cowboy I dated in college does NOT count as a practicing man of faith.

Being unequally yoked slows you down and can deter you altogether from God's plan for you. I definitely went through this phase for a good portion of my life with every other partner I choose for myself. So eventually I was just single and working on me and my connection to God. Who, in a loving way, let me know that He was glad that I had knocked it off and was practicing my active listening training.

Then I partnered myself with Ideal Partner, who was very extremely close, but still not an equal yoking. We unyoked. Pretty much, I unyoked us. I can take accountability for that.

I've spent about ten months healing from that unyoking and growing in the Lord, healing in my body and spirit, developing my work and hobbies, and being a mom.

Though I am always busy, my heart still stirred. Andi came along and gave me the pep talk of a lifetime, practically using a KitchenAid blender to do the stirring for me.

I went through some life crap, as one does. Went through life crap the sequel and then also the trequel. I made some really poor decisions out of confusion and desperation and a lack of the Lord.

Then I was all, THIS IS STUPID. THERE’S AN ANSWER TO THIS CRAP BUFFET.

I don’t know why I rebelled against it for so long. *Aurora is stubborn* But in April I was in my cubicle praying over other people and then the prayers turned to myself and God slapped my hand (metaphorically) and told me, “You know what to do. Come on, it hasn’t been that long.”

God told me to stop doing something my desperate broken human self was doing. Then I started listening to Him better.

I got in touch with two people on the internet (thank you Instagram) who tout their ability to help with finding and fostering healthy relationships. We ended up not working together for various reasons.

Then I was doom scrolling in bed on a work night.

***NOPE, STILL HAVEN’T KICKED THAT HABIT***

And I get an ad for Upward, a free Christian dating site.

On May 1, I launched my profile after seeking some advice from friends on Facebook. Some ladies helped provide input on what I should put on my profile that wasn’t boring af and was going to be honest and catch the attention of the type of men who are of high value and – let’s be honest – who I’d have the patience to deal with.

I was overwhelmed with responses from dudes on Upward. So to help control the deluge, I set up a rules for myself.

Only like profiles based on the <=b>text on the profiles, not the photos.

Don’t message the guy first.

Don’t respond to messages unless the content is actual conversation.

So not just. “Hi” or “Nice smile.” That initial message was like a litmus test for a fellow’s reading comprehension capabilities. If they can’t demonstrate that some actual words in my bio caught their interest haven't earned my attention.

I went on two dates with amazing men, one of whom I still keep in contact with through Facebook. The other I pray for often because he’s been served a helping of life crap, too.

Then.

I met someone who led me to break rule number 2.

He super liked my profile. I was like, “Aurora, if he super likes your profile, the <=i> least</=i> you can do is look at his profile.”

GUYS.

Hook, line, and sinker.

He works with youth in the 7-12th grades. Which means he practically does the Lord's work. Our youth need good quality leadership. He has the same undergrad degree as me so we already of a ton of conversation capabilities built in. He is an entrepreneur, has career goals and aspirations. Plus he is often out in nature in the absolutely gorgeous area he is from.

I promptly sent him a message. Of course using the rules I had set for the messages I will respond to; directly refencing content in the text in his profile and asking an open ended question to invite conversation. I needed to know more about this man.

We met in person on day 6 of knowing each other, and were talking about seeing each other again by the end of the date. I was already entirely smitten.

He already had me hook, line, and sinker with our online interactions. By the end of the first date he had completely capsized my fishing boat.

I am a little ship wreck at the bottom of the lake my boat was in.

I may or may not update you guys. I tend to keep things of high value very private. You know, to protect them.

Don’t take it personally!

Surviving Susac,

Aurora

[ulixson]

This is the story of one Cambridge boy

Who, despite all his privileges

Felt betrayed by the world

He saw destruction in every corner of his life

He lost all he thought he could ever love

So he fell to his knees and asked God

"Why must you punish me?

I'm far too handsome to not be in magazines"

But God said nothing to me

So I resigned to my room

And scrolled, weeping, to the bottom of my Instagram

I clicked furiously through every one of my tagged photos

And learned nothing about myself

I asked every girl I'd ever slept with to rate my performance

And the results were horrifying

I watched Mad Max: Fury Road with my mother

To learn what masculinity means

I read the top 12 pieces of relationship advice

From How I Met Your Mother on BuzzFeed

I threw out my 2-in-1 and bought separate shampoo and conditioner

I listened to Jerskin Fendrix every day for a month

I googled myself so many times, I started trending

I read back my love letters to Southeastern French villages

And knew that I was really just writing about you

I was so busy trying to understand who I was

That I forgot my dog's birthday

I'm sorry, Dylan

I woke up every day and had to re-remember

All that had been taken from me

Like the whole of Groundhog Day

Combined with just the second half of 50 First Dates

And in one moment, I never felt more like I wanted to die in my life

And in the next moment, I never felt more like I needed to try in my life

To be who I knew I could be

To be an outrageous rock 'n' roll icon

To be a masterful lover

To be the best dressed guy in this Shoreditch venue

To be on the cover of So Young Magazine in collage form

To be a well-regarded DJ of rare techno on vinyl only

To be the hero of my own childhood dreams

So I put on fresh socks and a Kanye West album

And went to find my next calling

To turn the page in the book of my life

I bought a coffee table book about minimalism and a new sweater

I cut my own hair badly and started using Face Scrub

I unfollowed every girl who posted pictures of healthy meals

And every girl who posted pictures of happy meals

I'm sorry, Henry

I gave myself a hilarious name on Facebook

I pretended to not know who Lil Yachty was

I told everyone I met that I'd never seen Black Mirror

I threw out my bed frame and put my mattress on the floor

I destroyed my AeroPress and started drinking instant coffee

I acted like I knew nothing about craft beer

I bitched about every group in South London

I am sorry, Sorry

And as I started to define myself purely by the things I hated

I knew I'd become the antithesis of my 2016 manifesto

I was so lost in my plight to exist

That I forgot to live and I forgot to love

So learn from me, children

Be better than I am

Vanity plagues me, but it's not too late for you

I love you, good night

[eazy-group]

Melissa lost 23 pounds

New Post has been published on https://eazydiet.net/melissa-lost-23-pounds/

Melissa lost 23 pounds

Transformation of the Day: Melissa lost 23 pounds. Her turning point came when she discovered that high blood sugar and inflammation were impacting her health. She reached out to an online weight loss coach who listened to her needs and gave her the guidance to succeed. 

Social Media: Facebook: Melissa Spann TikTok: @mspann11

What was your motivation? What inspired you to keep going, even when you wanted to give up? Unfortunately, my motivation was my lipid panel results. I scheduled an appointment with my PCP because I was feeling lethargic and did not want to do much. I am happy in my life and treated well, so I could not understand why I felt that way. 

To my surprise, my blood sugar levels were high, and my body was super inflamed. I knew taking pills or having to inject myself was not an option I wanted, so I asked the doctor for an alternative method. I got my blood sugar levels down with exercise but could not control the inflammation. I was determined to get the inflammation down because my body was in pain daily. 

What inspired me to keep going is the support of my husband and continuously looking in the mirror. YouTube motivational speeches were also inspiring. Here is a link to one.

How did you change your eating habits? My food weakness is rice, and I knew I had to change how much I ate daily. I ate smaller portions. I found a certified nutritionist, Terry Starks, and followed his nutritional plan. I liked his plan because it was simple: I did not have to starve myself. Also, it included foods most people include in their daily diet.

What is your workout routine? My workout routine is Cardio (circuit training, elliptical, treadmill, or walking outdoors) every day – mostly in the morning or at lunchtime (30 minutes). I alternate with weight training 2-3 days/week.

How often did you work out? 6-7 days/week

What was your starting weight? What is your current weight? My starting weight was 198 pounds, and I currently weigh 175 pounds.

What is your height? I am 5’3 “.

When did you start your journey? How long did your transformation take? I started my journey some years ago after going through therapy for Achilles rupture. I was off and on since the pandemic in 2020 but got more focused in February 2023. I started meeting with a personal trainer and still was not losing weight, just gaining muscle. I knew the problem had to be what I was eating. 

I tried Weight Watchers and several apps that targeted macronutrients and managing my carbs and the keto diet. Guess what? They did not work for me because I am horrible at tracking what I eat. So, I started surfing Facebook again on Blackwomenlosingweight. I read someone’s story, and they mentioned Terry Starks. I reached out because I had nothing to lose except losing weight, lol. I called, and he responded.

It was not until I found a certified nutritionist that I started to drop weight. I started my nutrition plan on July 4th. By following his plan and guidance, I dropped 23 lbs in 35 days, just like that. I was amazed at how my stomach went down. Many have told me that I would not lose my belly fat because of my C-section and that surgery would be my only option to get rid of the excess fat. Well, from my photos, you can see it is possible to lose your belly fat through nutrition and exercise.

It was a big decision to begin this lifestyle change to eat better on the weekend of July 4th. I thought to myself that I am always going to have a reason why I couldn’t begin a plan to eat healthier. My reasons were: I have to travel next weekend, or I have a wedding or birthday party or some athletic event to attend. It was always something. Personally, I felt that I was working too hard not to see the results, so I made the commitment to eat healthier.

Is weight loss surgery part of your journey? Weight loss surgery is not part of my journey.

What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far? I have learned that nutrition, exercise, consistency, and discipline are key. Also, prepping your meals makes a huge difference. It prevents you from always eating out, which I did a lot before changing my eating habits. Because my schedule is busy, I love food, love to eat, and feel like my mouth must move all the time, I used to have an excuse for why meal prepping would not work for me. Anything is possible if you believe you can. 

What advice do you have for women who want to lose weight? Trust your gut and try what you think may work because you have nothing to lose. Whatever fitness journey you are on, go 110%. You know yourself better than anyone else, so find the resources that work for you. 

I was an athlete since Middle school through college, and I let myself go after “life” happened (marriage, children, career, family, etc.). What I realized is that during my years as an athlete, I had a coach in my corner, and the workouts I did were intense. Before, I was doing stuff on my own and researching online different exercises to help with weight loss, but I realized I needed someone to tell me what to do and be there with me face-to-face. 

Also, I know that logging my meals was not sustainable. I love to eat, and I do not like cutting out the food groups. So I knew I needed someone who understood how and what I ate and the historical background behind foods eaten in my culture. So, I looked for that. 

What I am saying is do not ignore what you know about yourself. If you are on a plan and you feel you’ve messed up, it’s ok. You are human, so just pick yourself up and move on. Continue where you left off. If you want success, then go get it! If you want to be better, then be better!

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[thequeendesi]

Boyfriend

Title: Boyfriend

Alt Title: Dada

Warnings: swearing, Nate jacobs, stalker themes, alluding to physical abuse

Disclaimer: I don’t own you or the euphoria franchise

Rating: MA-16

Word Count: 2.8K

A/N: Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry!! l have had so many life changes!! I got a boyfriend, my first real boyfriend lol. I quit my old job and started a new one. I graduate in December and applied for a nursing program for Fall 2023! Life has been crazy

Tag List: @ellyskey , @minaxcarter , @leslienjazzy y , @write-from-the-heart , @local-bxbby y , @twdbaddie1090 , @multiharlot t , @lovesanimals0000

—-

You looked at your phone, a notification from Facebook popping up to let you know about you have memories to look back on. You sat back against your car’s seat as you pressed the memories tab. You smiled a little, your maternity photos being the first thing to pop up.

You remembered that day, Nate and you fought the night before which made your anxiety so severe you woke up in the middle of the night throwing up. You tried leaving his house, after waking to throw up, to Kat’s, but he convinced you to stay.

You were so miserable in your photos, but the act you laid on was thick. You took them alone, which helped your anxiety because Nate didn’t want to be a part of them.

The next day was your birthday, which also happened to be the day you had your bundle of joy. Flynn Sylas Jacobs.

You scrolled down the page of memories and saw a picture of you and Fez. You two were 13 in the picture, he had an arm around your shoulder and you were hugging his side. His grandmother, Marie, took the picture, and for 2 years it was your profile picture.

No matter which boy entered your life, left your life, hurt you or did whatever else to you, Fez was always the best constant.

You smiled a little, resharing the photo, tagging him in the post.

Your phone vibrated as ‘El <3’ texted you. “Morning hon” the text read.

“Mornin’. How’d you sleep?”

“Slept. Would’ve slept better if you were here.”

You laughed a little at his text. “I bet. Not to brag, but I can put babies to sleep pretty quick.”

You got out of your car, grabbing your purse. You had just gotten off from your 9PM-5AM and were picking up Flynn from your mother’s. You locked your car and turned to walk to the door.

“I’m sure. What’s the plan for today?”

You walked to the door, reading his text.

Humming to yourself, you used your key to open the door.

Opening the door, you responded to him. “Getting a cake for Flynn’s birthday party. Took off tomorrow and the rest of today off for him.” You walked into the house and locked the door behind yourself.

Your mom slept on the couch, Flynn in the pack and play in front of her, her hand draped in as he held his hand up to hold her finger.

You smiled at the scene.

“Isn’t it your birthday tomorrow too?“

You turned off your phone, then put it in your pocket, walking over to your mom. “Hi mom.” You said softly, rubbing her shoulder.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up. “Mmm… hi lovebug.” She said, looking at you.

“Work went well?” She asked.

You nodded. “It was work.” You sat next to her, resting your head on her shoulder.

She leaned her cheek on your forehead. “You wanna take a quick nap before taking Flynn back to your house?”

You nodded a little. She put an arm around your shoulder, letting you doze off.

***

You picked your head up, rubbing your eyes as the smell of coffee and breakfast hit you.

“Mornin’ sunshine.” Your dad said, sitting in his recliner. “It’s 10AM.” He commented. “I hope you slept well.” He nodded at you, Flynn sat on his lap, enjoying hitting the paper in his hands.

You smiled a little, nodding.

“I got the cutest picture of your father and Flynny.” Your mom gushed, showing you her phone.

Flynn’s hands were on your dad’s chin as both of them had a big laugh.

“He was telling him a story and he was very dramatic with his laughter.” Your mom explained.

You smiled a little, a little saddened you slept through it, but god knew you needed it. “I made some breakfast. Eat. I know you’re hungry.” Your mom patted your shoulder, plucking Flynn from your fathers arms.

You nodded, walking into the kitchen to fix yourself a plate and eat.

Your brother sat at the table, smiling a little at you. “Did mom tell you I got first place at the center’s science show? Went classic, volcano.” He explained. You always enjoyed his nerd side, you missed seeing him and his group in the halls of high school before you graduated early for Flynn.

“She did! I texted you congrats dork. You’d know if you learned to text back.” You swore he lived his life on DND.

“Oh. Yea.” He shrugged a little, eating his food.

“How’s school?” You asked.

“School. Everyone’s still making little comments about Lexi’s play.” He said back.

“Wow.” You said, eating your own plate.

“Hey, do you need help setting up for Flynn tomorrow?” He asked, finishing his plate. “A little. But it’s ok if you’re not able to.”

“(Name), I wouldn’t ask if I couldn’t. Just let me know what you need help with, and I got you.” He said, nudging your shin with his foot.

You smiled a little and nodded. “Thanks.” You finished your plate. “I’ll text you the plan when I get home. I gotta take Flynn with me to get his cake.” You stood up and took your plate to the sink.

“Gotcha.” He nodded and grabbed your plate and began his normal routine.

“Thanks mom.” You hugged her tight and picked up Flynn and slung his baby bag over your shoulder.

“See you tomorrow at the park.” You said, walking out of the house.

***

Nate tapped his finger on the wheel. His eyes trailing Elliot, who sported a deep bruise on his collar bone. “Fuck.” He grumbled, punching the wheel. He knew who it was from, you.

“Elliot!” He shouted out the window, stepping out of the truck.

Elliot stopped in his tracks.

“You got a hickey from her? I told you to leave her alone, didn’t I?” Nate asked, fists clenched as he made contact with Elliot’s face. Elliot’s feet slipped from under him as his ass made contact with the gravel.

A slew of swears escaped his slips as he stared up at Nate. His hand cupping his upper cheek where Nate hit.

“Fuck man.” Elliot stood up. “She made the choice to talk to me!” He shouted at him. “Leave me alone you fuckin psycho.”

“Shut your junkie ass up.” Nate said, grabbing his shirt collar pulling the shorter male to his feet.

“I’m not one anymore!” Elliot responded.

The two froze as Elliot’s phone rang. “Answer it, pretty boy.“

“So you admit I’m prettier than you?” Elliot smirked, taking Nate’s freeze as an opportunity to run, but he didn’t get far.

***

You buckled Flynn into his car seat, and tightened the straps to fit him snuggly but be mindful of his breathing. “Alright buddy.” You said. To your relief, Flynn never really minded his car seat. He didn’t love it, but he tolerated it at the very least. You closed his door after placing the bag in the seat next to him and your purse in the passenger seat.

You got into the driver's seat and buckled up. “Hey sweetheart, change of plans. You think you can pick me up early? It’s cool if you can’t, but my bike was broken.”

You bite your lip as you look in the mirror at the mirror that showed Flynn, who stared at the toy in his hands. You had planned to let Elliot meet Flynn tomorrow.

“Uh. Yea. But I was about to pick up Flynn’s cake. That ok? He’s with me.” You texted, waiting for his text.

“I don’t think that’s best right now. I don’t want him to see what his father did.”

Your heart sank, eyes swelling with tears. Your hand began to shake as you called him. “What did his father do?” You immediately asked him as he answered the phone. You knew exactly what he did, but you needed to know from him.

“He, uh… there’s no nice way to say this (Name). He kicked my ass.”

“Oh my god.” You muttered. “I… fuck. I don’t… I don’t know what to say other than I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll pay you back for the movie tickets I swear.” You stuttered out, you hated the way you were reacting. He was the one who got beat, and you were the one freaking out for him.

“What? Why’d you need to pay me back for the tickets? I got some licks in. I just don’t wanna be bloody for when I meet your kid.”

You paused, your breath caught in your throat. “You… you still want to meet Flynn?” You asked, eyebrows narrowing.

“Yea.” He answered, without hesitation.

“Elliot. Nate hurt you. He put someone in jail for Maddy after almost killing the guy.” You put your phone on Bluetooth and connected the phone to your car.

“So? I’ve been through worse. It is what it is. I still wanna be your boyfriend.” He said, your eyes widened a little as you began the drive to Walmart. “Boy friend? Mine?”

“Boyfriend. One word. Don’t put the space in between.” Elliot said, foot steps being heard in the phone call.

“Even though Flynn’s dad could’ve just killed you?” You asked him, watching everything as you drove as carefully as possible with Flynn calmly playing with his toy.

“I like you. You’re something I feel sure of. I need you more than any other vice. I wanna spend all my time with you, ma.” He said into the phone.

“El.” You sighed. “I’ll give it a try, if you wanna give it a try.”

“So you’d be my girl? As in girlfriend. The one without a space in between.” He teased you on the phone.

“And you know my son comes first.”

“I’d cut you off personally if you didn’t put him first.” Elliot said, with a serious undertone to his joking voice.

“You got someone who can pick you up to get you to a shower?” You asked, he was right about not letting Flynn see someone who was most likely drenched in blood.

“Yea.” He answered. “Hey, I’ll call you when I’m all clean and I’ll help you over at the park to pre-set up Flynn’s party.”

“Oh, alright.” You said, him hanging up the phone quickly.

***

“Stop, that’s (Y/N).” Nate said as Cal slowed to a stop at the stop sign. Cal nodded. “It is. So is Flynn.” He said, looking at the baby in his high chair as you got together some decorations.

“Flynn’s birthday is tomorrow. She’s setting up for it, what it looks like.” Cal observed. “I know it’s his birthday tomorrow. Christ dad. What kinda monster you take me for?“ Nate snapped, grabbing his phone.

“What’re you doing?” Cal asked, looking into his rear view mirror. “I think it’s best for Flynn if we continue home.” He said, emphasizing Flynn’s name. “Shouldn’t I help prepare for my son’s birthday? Help the mother of my child?” Nate scoffed.

“She’d ask if she needed any.” He said plainly. “She’s capable enough.” Cal said, driving forward making Nate watch you shrink in the distance.

Silence filled the vehicle as Nate stared out of the window. “Didn’t you begin dating someone new anyways? What was her name? Cassie?”

“We broke up.”

“For how long?”

Nate’s jaw clenched, his father’s continual questioning of him wasn’t necessary right now. He had a goal in his mind, to mend his family. After all, what they say about the first baby mama is true.

“If I wanted to be with Cassie, do you think I’d still be chasing after (Name)?” Nate asked, eyebrows narrowing as he turned his gaze to Cal’s.

“It’s you, son. I don’t think I need to answer further.” The father said simply.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Nate pressed. “I’m not engaging in this Nate. We’re almost home. What you do on your own time, is your business. But I’m not going to let you fuck with that girl on my watch.” Cal said, firmness in his voice.

Cal knew, no matter what he did or said, Nate was going to do what he pleased. The least Cal could do was prolong your tragic fate when Nate’s finally able to reach you. Cal remembered one of the last fights the two of you had. Marsha spent 30 minutes in the bathroom, sobbing silently to herself as she cleaned your drying blood and broken glass off the floor.

Driving in silence, Cal’s mind raced. His brain was always loud, but this time it was fast and loud. He can’t believe the son he raised, but he does. Nate was the explanation of surroundings. After all, Cal wasn’t even that much of a better person than his own son. Who he personally heard was called a monster.

Cal parked his car, Nate quickly getting out of the car. “Son. Please, leave her be. Your son will watch your moves.” Cal reminded him, using Flynn as a pawn in his example.

Nate snarled to himself, took a deep breath before a seemingly genuine smile putting itself on his face. “Fine. Dad. You’re right. I couldn’t let my son turn into a monster.”

****

You sat on your couch, Flynn stumbling around the room. He figured his legs out earlier that day, and since he’s been trying to walk everywhere. “Flynn.” You called out to him.

He looked up at you, a wide smile spreading across his face as you snapped a picture with your Polaroid. You mentally jumped for joy as you hoped the picture captured your son’s perfectness.

He stumbled out to you, arms outstretched in front of him as you swooped in to pick him up and kiss all over his face, making him squeal and hold your face.

You walked over to the kitchen and grabbed his bottle, knowing it was about that time to feed him “It’s only 2.” You noted to yourself, giving him the bottle.

He grabbed it with one hand and began drinking as he watched you try and make a decision of what you wanted to do. You ended up putting up almost all decorations alone in an hour and ended up wanting to go home. You plan on waiting until tomorrow before putting any of the specialized Flynn stuff up. You had no worry because you made sure to use your parents' community to have the party, older people.

Elliot wasn’t really due to come over for an hour or so, but you found yourself missing your… boyfriend.

“Mama has a boyfriend Flynn.” You said to him, knowing he was more interested in his bottle than your boyfriend. “Mama has a boyfriend that isn’t mean to her.” You said to yourself, joy rising in your body. “He likes to sing bubba.” You told him, walking over to the couch. “And playing the guitar. I wanna see if he’ll play the ukulele.” You smiled to yourself, sitting on the couch, Flynn on your lap. “I waited a few months before letting you meet him bub. Mama can get hundreds of boyfriends.”

You kissed his nose as he looked up at you, almost out of his bottle. “But mama only has one Flynn.” He shook his empty bottle at you. You laughed a little and placed the bottle on the table.

Flynn got off your lap and sat on the couch and pointed at the TV. Rubbing circles on his chest repeatedly. “Yes sir.” You laughed softly, you turned on his favorite show, paw patrol.

You checked your phone, missed call from ‘El <3’ 2 minutes ago.

You pressed the notification, placing your phone to your ear. “Hey princess.”

“Hey El. You ok?” You asked, leaning back against the couch, Flynn placing his head on your lap. “Yea. I’m chill.” He responded.

“I just… I just can’t be alone right now. Can I come over already? Something happened and it’s just… it’s not putting me in a good state and I just… I need you.” Elliot said into the phone.

“Yea. Sure of course.”

“Awesome, cause I’m in your doorway.” He said, a knock at your door following afterwards.

You hung up the phone and answered the door.

Your heart sank as you noticed the bruising on his face and knuckles.

Your arms wrapped around his neck as you pulled him close. His arms wrapped themselves around your waist. “I’m so sorry El.” You nearly sobbed into his neck. “I’ll wear sunglasses tomorrow. It just looks like make up right now. Tomorrow it’ll look a little worse.” He tried to make you laugh a little.

“It’s okay baby girl. You have nothing to apologize for. You didn’t do anything.” He cupped your face. “You ain’t at fault.” He pecked your lips then looked at Flynn.

Flynn stared at Elliot. “Hi buddy.”

Flynn looked behind you and Elliot, his eyes meeting something’s. “Dada?”

You looked up from Elliot’s shoulder, eyes meeting Nate fucking Jacobs.

[thislovintime]

Peter Tork with the Fairfax Street Choir (in their bass vocal section); pictured in photo 1 with Ralph Pennuneri, Hosanna Bauer, and Bill Craig. Via the Fairfax Street Choir Facebook page, except for photo 4 (courtesy of Mark Kleiner).

Photo 2: “Peter Tork has his banjo but never played it with the choir that I remember but He was a really good musician and I remember him playing at the Lady. [...] I've heard some of his live stuff on tape that he did at the Sleeping Lady and was blown away by how great he really was as a musician.” - Marla Hunt Hanson, Facebook, January 3, 2021

“Peter showed me some banjo picking patterns... he was a nice guy fun to play music with.” - David Carlson, Facebook, January 2021

“To us, he wasn’t famous, he was just Peter. [...] He was just a sweet, dear man that, you know, everybody loved... He was just a good guy. You know, ‘Sleep on the couch, have a good one. You know, we love you. Come on in.’ [...] His destiny in this lifetime was with The Monkees. We were like his backup friends, or his backup band, whatever you want to call it.He came to us wounded, like a wounded bird, really. […] He never really got to escape from being one of The Monkees. It was very hard, you know, it was hard for him. I wish we could have given him more. [...] I said to him, ‘Well, why are you going back when they treated you so badly, and blah blah blah?��� And he said, they offered him something he couldn’t turn down, something like that, so it had to do with money of course, because… so, yeah, he went back, poor thing. God bless him. [...] [W]hen you’re a Monkee, the fans will come out of, you know, somehow they’ll seep in through the furnace floor or a little crack in the window. You’re always on display, you’re always having someone looking at you or tagging at you or pulling at you or saying, ‘God, I remember that episode…’You know, and you’re always having to be on the stage or on— in gear, or answering with a smile to your fan group, whatever that is. You’re trained to do that through the industry itself. You know, anyway, I don’t want to go that far. In this group consciousness that he was a part of for a short period of time, he didn’t have to do that. He just didn’t have to do that. And that’s why I think that was — he’ll never forget that group or the Sleeping Lady however many lifetimes he lives. And I’ll tell you this, he was happy in a very strange way for as long as he was there with us. He was happy in a different way, not in the way that you are when you’re famous. In the way you are when you’re happy. [...] Someone like Peter Tork, who shines a light out onto this world, can only shine as brightly as we allow them to. […] When you see a flame, move back and let it shine, don’t go in there and try to get it, because the reason that it’s alive is because it’s got oxygen, air, and there’s not a lot of moths hanging out around it trying to, you know, take its life. I think a lot of that is true about Peter. That’s how — what I think.” - Marla Hunt Hanson, interview with the Nesmith Tork Goffin & King podcast, February 2020

"Back in Marin. Peter Tork began to hang out at the Sleeping Lady. (He works there as a waiter now). One night The Fairfax Street Choir was there. He was amazed, saw a home, and joined. He grins as he adds: ‘In some ways I was a cold, lonely hitchhiker being picked up by a warm school bus.’ [...] He’s happy. Content. And hopeful. For the Choir. And himself." - San Diego Reader, December 6, 1973 (originally published in the Chicago Reader; interview conducted by Chuck Stepner) (read more here)

“What a group! 35 voices strong; some harmonies! It was something, very encouraging, very comforting.” - Peter Tork, Goldmine, May 1982 (x)

Peter Tork: "As soon as The Monkees was over, I went to Marin County to try to recapture some of my Greenwich-Village-days happiness, and I did. I was very, I was very lucky, there was a lovely scene in Fairfax, Marin County, and I had a great time up there for a couple of years, worked as a waiter in a cooperative restaurant and it was great, it was actually great. The thing about The Monkees, it was so difficult, was to be yanked out of — off the street, flung to the pinnacle and then, you know, and then dropped.” Q: “Yeah.” PT: “So, so I went back to the street, where I’d, you know, gotten my roots together. It was great.” - GOLD 104.5, 1999 (x)

[scarlettjohanssons-mistress]

I hear the beat of your heart

warnings: Dark!Natasha, stalking, Yandere 

word count: 0.9 K

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

prompt: Natasha met Y/N on the beach, and without knowing who she was, she already knew that she wanted her to be hers. 

Requests: CLOSED

[Main masterlist] [Marvel masterlist]

Part 2 HERE

Natasha met Y/N while walking on the beach in Malibu. 

Natasha was in the middle of a mission, trying to keep an eye on a former Hydra scientist, when Y/N crossed her path, almost by accident. 

Y/N wasn't wearing anything particularly cute, he was wearing his work uniform; black jeans, a white t-shirt, a blue cap and a short blue and white striped apron, yet Natasha thought she was looking at the most beautiful woman on the planet.

Natasha had her contacts, and she herself was a great spy, so it didn't cost her anything to discreetly take a photo of Y/N with her cell phone and search the internet for information, she knew his name, his friends, his pets, his vacations, his job etc; but Natasha wanted more so I didn't hesitate for a second to call Steve

“Steve, I need you to give me information on someone. His name is Y/N Y/L/N” 

"Who is she?" 

"I think he could be an accomplice of the scientist" 

“Okay, in the following days I will send you the information” 

"Thank you" 

The redhead didn't take long to locate exactly where her work was; an ice cream parlor on the edge of the beach, so Natasha didn't hesitate to go there regularly, just to see Y/N. 

The girl always greeted her with a smile, which showed off her jagged teeth, and a few small dimples, which turned Natasha's mind to mush. The redhead always tried to stay near the counter, especially when Y/N's friends came to visit her, she could listen to the conversations 

"Did you get the invitation to Britney's party?" the blue-haired girl asked, Natasha quickly identified her as Y/N's best friend 

"Yes, but I don't know if I want to go" 

"Girl, come on, when was the last time we went to a beach party?" 

Y/N seemed to think about it, but protested again 

"But... what am I supposed to wear?" 

“Anything you wear will look good on you” 

Natasha took out her cell phone, and began searching Y/N's Facebook, her friends, more specifically, a certain Britney, until she came to the publication where the party was announced. 

Friday, July 13 

BIRTHDAY PARTY #27 

Britney Anderson 

Malibu Beach 

As Natasha saved the information, she didn't notice that Y/N started taking off her apron, her shift was over, and from what she had heard, Y/N and her friends were meeting at a mall, so, put on his dark glasses, and began to follow the 2 women, with a certain distance, but without taking his eyes off both bodies, not for a second 

While watching Y/N hanging out with his friends, a message from Stark came through.

Stark: Her full name is Y/N Y/L/N, she resides on Andromeda Ln in central Malibu , her phone number is +1 408-234-5678, her email is Y/N_icedcoffeegirl@gmail. com , no criminal record, I study at University of California San Diego.

He doesn't seem like someone really dangerous; I don't want to question your abilities, but are you sure she's an accomplice? 

Natasha didn't even deign to answer, she simply kept seeing the woman's friends, more specifically the woman, owner of her desire. Natasha wondered if her lips would taste as luscious as they look, if her skin would be as smooth as it looks, if her voice could moan her name just as she imagined it to be.

The day of the party arrived, Natasha had put on a red dress with straps, satin, leaving her legs, arms and neckline free, accompanied by beautiful shoes and a black bag. 

Upon arrival, the first thing he found was the girl with blue hair, and Y/N at her side, who was more beautiful than ever. Both were at the bar of an improvised bar, so Natasha did not hesitate for 2 seconds to go with them. 

He stood next to the girls, and intentionally pushed Y/N gently. 

"I'm sorry" 

"Don't worry" 

Y/N looked at her friend again, turning her back on Natasha, but she wanted to talk some more. 

"I'm Natasha" 

Y/N looked at the redhead again and smiled politely. 

"I'm Y/N" 

Natasha was going to continue, until she saw how a woman, bigger than Y/N, hugged the girl around the waist and kissed her neck 

"Hello my love" 

Y/N ignored Natasha and started talking to the other woman, leaving the redhead aside. 

Hours later, Y/N slept peacefully on the chest of his girlfriend, Camille; while Natasha dedicated herself to opening and closing the drawers in her bathroom, trying to find the little treasure she had seen a long time ago. 

'where the fuck is it' 

Unsuccessfully, Natasha went back into the room, to look at the blonde again with revulsion, wanting to kill her, Y/N could only be hers. Natasha moved her eyes a little, to realize that what she was looking for was on the nightstand next to the blonde, Y/N's vibrator was there, still full of Y/N's juices. 

Natasha quickly grabbed it and licked it, trying to get it all the way into her mouth; when it was completely clean, he put it in his pocket, and just before he left, he removed the sheet from Y/N's body, leaving her completely naked; Natasha quickly snapped a picture and licked Y/N's right nipple

“You taste delicious, my love” 

Y/N started to stir, uncomfortable from the sudden coldness in her chest. 

“ Shhh , don't worry, baby; soon you will be mine 

Without further ado, Natasha planted one last kiss on his lips and disappeared into the darkness of the night. 

This is my first time writing something that isn't completely cheesy or super depressive; so i hope i did it right

Partially inspired by Maroon 5's "Animals" music video

[bloodykora]

Camp Boy

I've had this idea in my skull for a month so you're welcome.

Summary: Reader attended camp, so did Rory. Neither of them realized they knew each other.

MBAV Masterlist

I had attended camp after a few years in a row when I was little. When I turned 13 I didn’t need a babysitter and I got pretty antisocial therefore I didn’t go back. I always went to those stay away camps, packing for the week I’d be there. I met new people every year yet not 1 stayed in contact with me. However, 1 camper who I met once actually reached out to me.

It was the last day and a small blonde kid was giving out his info for a game we both happen to play online. He wrote in my book his user and before either of us could say our name I got whisked away by my cabin.

I played with this kid almost every day online, for a while he was the only friend I had. It was funny cause all I could refer to him was r.wayne, clearly making a reference to Batman. At least, I hoped it was a reference and not his real name. And he probably referred to me as jelly, jb or jellybean. A nickname I had been called for years. Though like always all good things come to an end. One day he stopped playing, he was never online anymore. After 2 months I stopped playing too.

I forgot about the boy for a while, only late night thoughts would bring him back up. The reason for this monologue was because I had moved therefore I had to dive through old boxes. Some of the gang helped when they were able to. We were already in the new house, putting the pre-packed stuff away. My nana and I were never able to fully settle in the old place, our life immediately jumping into chaos.

That’s where this story takes place.

Sitting in my new bedroom, walls bland and just a mattress on the floor. Old photos and collected books covering the ground.

“What’s this?” Rory asks, giving me a rolled up poster board. “Oh! That was the first official poster assignment I made, I got a 90 on it. I was very proud of it so I kept it.” I explain, unrolling the tube. “It was about a food chain.” I say, pointing to the different animals and how the coloured lines are associated with the animal. “That’s cool! I didn’t know spiders could be that big.” Rory says. “Yep. I had a huge obsession with them when I was younger.”

“They still do!” My nana yells from the abyss down the hall. “You won a lot of awards.” He says, picking up a binder and skimming through it. “They were more pity awards that most kids got. That was from when I was in foster care.” “You sure have done a lot.” “It’s probably why I’m so wise.” I joke, opening another box. I smile seeing what’s inside, pulling out a multi coloured bracelet with beads on it.

“I never see you read physical books, you don’t even have a bookshelf yet you have all these.” R comments, looking through the collection of Percy Jackson, Tokyo Ghoul, Divergent and other series I had.

“I read them online now, plus I don’t have a lot of free time to just enjoy a book. Normally I read for English assignments, it’s partly why I only sing in front of you. The other times it’s used for school events or posts on Facebook from my family.” I dig through the box, trying to get to the bottom for my old camp book.

“I still think you should’ve joined us for the talent show, you would have made a wonderful duet partner.” Ror says, sitting beside me while I dig through the box.

“I found it!” I exclaim, pulling the book out with force. “Huh?” “My old camp book! I was wondering where I put that.” “You went to camp?” “Yeah, this one was when I was in grade 6. I was in G6 cabin, my counsellors were Taylor and Peach.” “You remember all that?” “I guess so, it just comes to mind.”

“I don’t know what my cabin was named or the group, but one of my counsellors one year was named Colby. He was cool, he liked my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt.” Rory rambles as I turn the pages.

“Plus, there was a spider everyone called Larry.” Rory finishes, I pause looking at him. “Larry?” “The counsellors told us his name, there were so many of them when we walked out to a campsite! All the girls would scream when one would run over their foot.”

“Was Larry always on his web by a tree near the staircase in the morning?” I ask, doubting that Rory and I actually went to the same camp.

“Now that I think about it, I think so. It was weird the one day he wasn’t, all us guys got disappointed about it.” “Did we go to the same camp?” “Uhh, maybe? I didn’t know any people named y/n though, so I never met you.” “Possibly different times of the summer we could have gone.” I explain, getting to the final pages of the book. Rory grabs my hand, looking at my watch.

“Oh crap! I gotta go, I promised my mom that I would help her with the dishes after dinner!” Rory exclaims, getting up and running to get his sweater.

“Be safe! Text me when you get home!” I yell to him waving, he waves before dashing off.

-The Next Day-

I had brought my camp book in for Sarah since she wanted to see younger photos of me. Benny was standing with me, looking through it as we spoke.

“Dude I swear Rory has the same one.” “Yeah apparently we both went but at different times during the summer.” Benny shakes his head. “No way. You guys were there together, I swear I’ve seen this photo before.” He says, pointing at a picture a group of us took with a lake in the background. He scans the photo, looking for our vampire friend’s face.

“Guys! I talked to my mom about camp and she found my book too!” Rory yells, jogging down the hall to us. The cover was similar to mine but his cabin being B3. He flicked through the pages while telling different stories and how his week went.

“Apparently there was this kid that didn’t cry all week then when they got off the bus and saw their parents they bursted out crying.”

“Wow. Repressed much?” Benny jokes, my brows furrow for a moment. “Do you know who it was?” “Nah, I think they were a few stops before me. I remember getting home at like 9 pm that night.” “Why was it so late?”

“They took in kids from all over the province, therefore we had separate busses from where we all lived.” I explained, taking R’s book from his hands.

“What did you guys do there?” Benny asks us. The boys started talking about archery, hiking, and other things while I studied the pages that were the same as mine. We all had a page to acknowledge accomplishments we had done while at the camp. Mine were mostly centered around things I had never done like canoeing or feeding the ducks. Rory’s were different though like learning his cabin mates’ names or waking up in time for breakfast.

“So what are the beads for?” Benny’s voice breaking apart my train of thought.

“They were like accomplishments we had to do, each colour resembling something different.” Rory tells him and I nod in agreement.

“Teamwork, which was red, was the last one my cabin got. We had a few fights therefore pushing off the goal.” “Mine was relationships, we got ours on the last day.” Rory says, flipping to the page about it. “Wow you guys are like extra losers, earning beads?” Benny laughs. “It’s hard when you’re 11 dude.” I say, lightly elbowing him. “Yeah!” Rory says.

“Ror. You got your bead by talking to someone from another cabin?” Benny points out on the page.

“It’s more than just that, actually I-” Rory begins before the warning bell goes off. “Tell me more about it later.” I say patting his back and handing the book back.

All throughout the second half of the day I thought about Rory’s words.

‘Apparently there was this kid that didn’t cry all week then when they got off the bus and saw their parents they bursted out crying.’ He couldn’t be talking about me could he? There’s no way. I mean yeah I sobbed when I got off the bus and saw my grandmother but it wasn’t cause I was repressing my emotions. I push the thoughts to the back of my head, trying to focus on the task at hand.

I pack up heading out of the classroom, seeing Ror’s blonde hair peek through the crowd. I could see his eyes looking for me and I stuck my hand up to wave. He sees it and makes his way to me.

“How was class?”

“Mr. G was talking about Greek gods today. Like Zeus and Hades and stuff. I think it’s cool, plus we talked about Medusa today. Apparently she was used as a safe symbol in places for women!” Rory tells me.

“Yeah, only men would be turned to stone if they looked at her. Not women.” I added and he nodded excitedly. “You wanna come over today? My mom will be out with Ethan’s mom for their book club stuff.” “Sure. I do have to finish homework but I’m free other than that.” “Awesome!” I break off from him to my locker, putting my needed materials into my bag before throwing it over my shoulders.

The walk was uneventful until Rory ran after a squirrel but we made it to his house safely.

“Can’t believe Benny bashed the work we both did for the beads.” He says, taking a seat on his bed. I smile and nod, pulling out my binder then setting it on his desk.

“Can I look through your camp book?” Rory asks, using puppy dog eyes while pleading. “Go for it, just don’t rip anything bud.” I answer, sitting down to start working on chemistry. I, unlike Ethan or Benny, could actually multitask successfully. Answering problems while Rory talked and asked questions.

“You look so different from when you were younger but also familiar, I can’t put my finger on it.” “Says you mister glasses one day and the next you don’t need them cause of a bite.” I joke while counting on my fingers. “It’s weird seeing your legal name on your old things.” “Yeah but it’s nice, different from the bad stuff I associate it with.” He hums in content, as I finish up. “You’re so fast with your homework, like Sonic or something.”

“That’s cause I do a good chunk of it in class unlike others.” I say while pointing my finger at him. He smiles, starting to float.

“OH YEAH! I never got to tell you about my yellow bead story.”

“The relationship bead?” He nods, setting my book down and grabbing his. He flipped through finding the page.

“It was the last day before lunch I think and the counsellors were trying to get me to talk to others. I started to talk about a game and no one would listen to me and they would just walk away BUT there was this kid who stuck out their book. I was confused obviously and they said to put my user in it so I did. Then they got rushed away by their cabin, I never knew their name but played the game I was talking about with me. Jelly was a good friend, it’s a shame my mom took away the internet.” Rory speaks and my eyes go wide. Oh my god, he was talking about me. He was talking about me being the kid on the bus, me being the kid who earned him his yellow bead. I take my book from the side of the bed and flip to the second last page.

“r.wayne. That was the boy who wrote in my book. I played every day after school with him, and I never got his name because my cabin was supposed to clean the dining hall.” I explain showing Rors the scribbling. I could see his brain process my words and his eyes widened.

“Yo! Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” I laugh and nod, showing him the group photo of us at a lake and he shows me too.

“That’s me!” He shouts, pointing at a small blonde boy who was near the back with huge frames and a camp hat on. Clearly trying to protect himself from the sun. I point near the front, me. With the same hat on but a much darker tan than him.

“The universe is truly strange.” I joke leaning on his shoulder.

“Does this mean I can call you Jelly now?”

“No! It sounds like you’re making fun of me.”

[golbrocklovely]

remember me // colby brock (pt 2)

A/N: as i mentioned before in a different post, this took me FOREVER to write. i loved writing this story but something about it just made me drag it out for so long. nonetheless, i love this and i'm excited to see what you all think. please lmk what you thought about this. thank you to everyone that has supported me and sent me kind messages. yall are the best ! hope you enjoy :) also lmk if you want another part...

prompt: she's the only one that remembers colby, or so they both thought.

trigger warning: ANGST, heartbreak, AU mention, friendship problems, cursing, happy-ish ending (but not the end...?), kissing

word count: 5526

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colby was relieved that the waitress, the only one that remembered him, decided to help. The moment she agreed, Colby gave her his number and left. She texted him not too long after, and he realized for a moment she never said her name. He planned to ask her the next day when they decided to meet up at his place.

It was weird to come back to his apartment, knowing that down the hall his best friend, his brother, lived there and didn't know who he was. Usually when Colby felt lonely, he would walk down the hall to Sam's and hang out for a bit. It was always nice to talk to Sam about anything and everything.

But now... he couldn't do that.

Colby tried to sleep during the night, but barely any rest came from it. He tossed and turned, hoping that when he would wake up, this would all just be some weird-ass nightmare.

When his cell phone rang the next morning at 9:34 A.M., it was an unfamiliar ringtone. As he rubbed his eyes awake, he glanced at the caller, the name 'Waitress' appearing on his screen.

I guess this wasn’t a dream after all.

"Yeah?" Colby groaned, squinting his eyes at the sunlight.

Her voice came through cheery, the tone too loud in Colby’s ears. “Let me up to your apartment. I'm here.”

He cleared his throat. “This early?”

“I figured you would want your normal life back as soon as possible, yeah?” She sassed.

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, give me a second. I'll come down and get you.”

Colby stumbled out of bed, running his fingers through his hair as he threw on a random shirt and jeans, slowly trudging down to the lobby of his apartment. She sat on a couch, tapping her foot against the carpeted floors. Her eyes were staring out the door, almost like she was looking at someone. When she heard Colby’s footsteps, her gaze pulled away from outside.

“Did I wake you?” She frowned, grabbing her bag next to her and standing up.

He shook his head. “You can't really be woken up if you barely slept.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” She lightly bit her lip, following Colby to the elevator.

He shrugged tiredly. “It's okay.”

They both slowly got into the elevator, climbing up to Colby's floor. The loud 'ding' of the elevator broke their silence moments later. They walked to Colby's apartment, and he unlocked his door quickly.

She whistled quietly. “Woah, nice place.”

A half smile spread across Colby’s face. “Thanks.”

“No offense, but how do you pay for this place if you're not a social media person?” She questioned, stepping into the kitchen.

He raised an eyebrow. “That's... a good question. From what my mom told me over the phone yesterday, I worked all throughout high school and college, so maybe it's from that?”

“You only worked at Dairy Queen while you were in high school. You must have gotten a better job in college because there is no way you can afford this place.” She disagreed.

Colby smirked. “How'd you know I worked at Dairy Queen?”

“Well, for starters, my friend told me. And also, I did some research about you. But I'll get to that in a second.” She continued, her voice falling to a serious tone, “So... would you like to hear my theories?”

“Theories?” He puzzled.

“As to why everyone forgot about you.” The waitress explained.

Colby sat down on his barstool, exhaling. “Let's hear it.”

“Okay. For argument sakes, you're gonna have to just go with me on this. Because otherwise, I literally have no way to help you.” She started, already pacing slightly.

He cautioned. “...okay?”

“So last night, I tried to think of a reason why everyone would collectively forget about you. And the only conclusion I could come up with is that you're in an alternative universe.” She hypothesized.

Colby’s eyes widened, bugging out of his head. “A what?”

“An alternative universe. Basically, everything is pretty much the same in your life, except a few minor details,” she revealed. “That’s why you still live in this apartment, but you didn’t get here the same way you did in your other life, your real life.”

“This... it's way too early for this.” He grumbled, astonished.

She sighed, her hands resting on her hips. “The only other option is that this is a very long-winded prank that your friends are still pulling on you. Have you tried talking to any of your other friends besides Sam?”

“No, everyone else’s number is gone in my phone, which I can only assume means they don’t know me either.” Colby retorted. Then he took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “But, this doesn't make sense. How did I end up here if this isn't my life?”

“I’m not sure how you got here, but I think you’re here for a specific reason. I think you’re here to right a wrong that this Colby Brock did. I’m just… not entirely sure what that wrong might be.” She answered, unsure.

He huffed. “Okay… what am I supposed to do then? Stay here and hope we figure that out soon? I don't even know who I am in this universe.”

“And that's where my research comes into play.” She pulled a laptop from her bag quickly, placing it down on the counter and opening it. She scrolled through her browsers until she came across Colby's Facebook, which surprisingly looked active for someone who hadn't been personally on it in years.

I use Facebook? Gross.

“First, I started by seeing if you and Sam were friends on here, but that didn’t amount to much since Sam doesn’t have a Facebook. However, what I found out is that you and Sam did live in the same town, go to the same high school, and played in the same marching band. Sam talked about his early years before he was ‘famous’ in one of the first videos he posted, and I crossed referenced that with your profile and it all matches up.” She informed.

“That's strange,” he mumbled. “What did we do after high school?”

She stated. “You went off to college and majored in Business Management with a minor in Philosophy. You graduated early too.”

Me? Graduating early? I couldn’t even get through math without Sam’s help.

“What did Sam do?” He asked.

The waitress scrolled to another tab, opening it to show a search of Sam. “Well, a very quick Google search shows that he actually went to the same college as you but dropped out once his Vine career started to pick up. Then he went on to Musical.ly when Vine died. He moved out to LA in 2017 and started a YouTube channel after he met Katrina, and slowly met all of his- your, friends that way. He got a bump of followers once he started dating Kat because of her following.”

Colby’s mouth gaped at her words. “That can't be true. He would have never wanted that. I mean, I had to convince him that we should be on social media so that we could spread our message. Plus, he hates those channels that use their relationship for views.”

“Not this version of Sam. Or at least, it doesn't seem like it.” She commented.

He covered his face, groaning into his hands. “What the hell am I here for? What wrong have I done in this universe?”

Her voice low, she replied. “I think it might have to do with Sam.”

“But... he doesn't know me.” He dissented, sitting up.

She nodded. “I thought so too. However, after scrolling through all of your public photos, I found this.”

Colby squinted at the screen, an old photo of him and Sam stared back. They looked super young, probably sophomores in high school. They were both smiling, laughing at something. He vaguely remembered this day.

“So, we did know each other.” He bit his lip softly.

She hummed. “Yeah. And weirdly, it’s the only photo of the two of you on your profile. But it’s not the only strange thing.”

Scrolling to a different tab, she pulled up an old tweet of Sam’s. It read ‘Never thought you would be the one to hurt me. But I guess everyone can be surprising.’

Colby noted the date. “That was back in high school.”

“Yeah, and there’s a bunch like them. He talks about being betrayed and someone hurting him deeply. He never mentions, of course. But his tweets line up with some that you were tweeting at the same time.” She confessed.

The waitress clicked on a different tab and another tweet showed up, one from Colby’s account. He gazed at it, reading the words ‘If you hate me… imagine how I feel about myself.’

Colby’s face dropped. “Wait, what?”

“You don’t tweet that often, but when you do, you talk about righting wrongs and fixing things you fucked up.” She added, “You also hate on yourself a lot.”

He doubted, crossing his arms. “You think they’re connected?”

“I do. I think in this universe you fucked up somehow and hurt Sam. And I think you are here now to fix what the other you did.” She explained.

He ranted. “This is all so fucked! When I saw him yesterday, he acted like he didn’t even know me. How am I supposed to even go about this? What, do I just go down the hall and apologize for something I don’t even remember doing?”

“No. Sam's not in his apartment anyway. I saw him leave while I was waiting for you.” She mentioned nonchalantly.

He grunted. “Great, he could be anywhere in LA right now.”

“I know exactly where he is.” She smirked.

“What? How?” He questioned.

The waitress divulged. “This version of Sam has a favorite restaurant he goes to all the time. A lot of his fans know about it, thus one look through any of his fan accounts and you'll see it. It's called ‘Paradise’.”

“Sounds like a strip club.” Colby deadpanned.

She pouted. “It's not. But he goes there all the time, and I got us a table there last minute.”

“What exactly are we gonna do when we get there?” He crossed his arms.

“I was planning on going up to his table and talking to him, maybe asking him about you, see how he reacts.” She described.

Colby furrowed his brow, confused. “And what about me?”

She slid her laptop into her bag, zipping it up hastily. “Well… I didn’t really think that far ahead. But hopefully, whatever you did is forgivable, and we can just fix it right there.”

He murmured. “That's a lot to hope for.”

“It's better than sitting here and wasting daylight.” She grabbed her stuff and headed for the door. Colby followed suit, grabbing his keys.

He spoke as he locked his door. “What if this doesn’t work?”

She turned back to him. “It will. It has to.”

~~~

Paradise was a themed restaurant, which Colby thought was strange because his Sam never really liked those types of restaurants. The theme was nice, however, tropical and Hawaiian. It felt like something he, Sam, and a few friends would have gone to after a fun, drunk night.

As Colby and the waitress were escorted to their table, they both kept an eye out for Sam, glancing around nervously for the blonde boy.

“I think the worst thing about this universe version of me is how messy my car is,” Colby joked. “It’s like I live out of it.”

She shrugged, smiling. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“You should see my real car. My honey wagon is spotless.” He expressed, waving his hand.

“Honey wagon?” She queried.

“Long story,” he chuckled. Then abruptly, he gasped. “Holy shit, I just realized I never got your name.”

She cocked her head. “What? I never told you?”

He blinked. “No.”

She started. “It's-”

“Hi, I'm Tony, I'll be your server for today. Can I get you something to drink to start you guys off?” Tony greeted, cutting her off.

“Yeah, sure. A water for me.” She blurted out.

Colby added. “Coke, please.”

Tony smiled. “Okay, coming right up.”

Once Tony left, the waitress started scoping out for Sam again, her eyes widening once she saw him.

Her body stiffened, turning back to Colby. “He's over there, three tables down to your left.”

Colby gazed over his shoulder at his friend. Sam looked lost in thought, staring at his phone as he ate his food.

“Why is he alone?” He muttered.

“From some of the blogs I read, he likes to go out and eat by himself. Also, apparently, him and Kat are on the rocks.” She admitted.

“They love each other so much, it's kinda gross to be around them sometimes,” He quipped, but shook his head. “So to hear that...”

“I'm gonna head over.” She announced quickly.

Before he could speak, she left the booth. Colby watched her walk over to Sam, listening closely to their conversation as he ducked his head down.

“Hey... sorry to bother you, but are you Sam Golbach?” She asked sweetly.

“Yeah I am. Did you want something?” Sam stared blankly at her.

“Um, yeah?” She almost scoffed at his tone. “I’m a huge fan and I know this might be a weird question, but do you know someone named Colby Brock?”

Sam’s face remained stoic, but his eyes intensified. “No, I've never heard of that name before.”

“Are you sure, because I'm pretty certain that you and him are best friends.” She insisted.

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

Colby watched nervously as she pulled out her phone and showed Sam the photo. Sam scrunched up his face, his eyes scanning the image. “Yeah, no. Still don’t know who he is. What was his name again?”

“Colby Brock.” She stated.

“...Sorry. I’ve never heard a name like that before.” He mumbled, almost inaudibly. “Sounds stupid anyway.”

She cocked her head. “Wait, what?”

Colby clenched his fist, unable to hear this conversation any longer. He needed to come face-to-face with Sam. He slid out of his seat, walking hastily over to Sam and the waitress. Sam’s eyes narrowed as he gaped at Colby.

“Sam…” Colby started.

Sam growled. “Are you fucking serious, Colby? Did you really have to get one of my fans involved?”

“What?” Colby puzzled.

Sam jumped out of his seat, grabbing Colby’s arm and pulling him out of the restaurant. The waitress followed behind them, confused just as much as Colby. Sam’s feet stopped behind the back door of the building, turning to Colby without warning.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Sam barked.

Colby stepped back, surprised by Sam’s anger. “...Uh, I don’t know what you mean by that.”

Sam scoffed. “Why the fuck are you here? After all this time?”

“So, you do remember me.” Colby remarked.

“Yeah, I do. When you showed up at my place yesterday, it took me a minute to realize it was you, since you decided to dress up like a Hot Topic employee, but yeah, I knew it was you. Are you really gonna pretend in front of her that we don’t know each other?” Sam teared his eyes away from Colby’s, staring at the waitress suddenly. “Let me guess, he hasn’t told you the whole story, right?”

“I guess not.” She shrugged uncomfortably.

Sam chuckled darkly. “Of course not. If he told the whole story, he would have to admit he was an asshole, and God knows he’s not gonna do that.”

“What are you talking about?” Colby panted.

“Do you not remember? Well, I’ll give you a refresher. You and I became friends freshman year of high school. You were my best friend and I was yours. I trusted you. I trusted you with a lot of shit that I’ve never told anyone. Senior year of high school, right before we were about to graduate, right as we were starting a social media career, suddenly you don’t want anything to do with me; which would have been bad enough, but then I go and find out you and my girlfriend were hooking up behind my back,” Sam snapped, catching his breath for a moment. “So yeah, I remember you, Colby.”

Colby’s mouth fell open, his breathing speeding up.

None of this sounds like me. I would never hurt Sam like that.

“And now, you have the fucking audacity to show up when everything in my life is going great and I’m succeeding. I have fans, friends, and a girlfriend that all love and care about me, and you’re here trying to what? Stir up drama? Get some clout from me?” He demanded.

“If your friends and girlfriend love you, why are you eating all alone?” The waitress jeered.

Sam glared at her, biting his tongue. “And you made one of my fans hate me. Dope, dude.”

“Sam, look; I’m sorry for what I did. But that was years ago. I’m not who I was back then.” Colby choked out.

“I don’t care. I don’t want you in my life. Do you not understand what you did to me?” Sam persisted.

“I know I was an asshole, and I apologize for ever hurting you like that. But I miss you, and I want to work things out. Let me prove to you that I’m better.” He trembled, getting closer to Sam.

Sam backed up, blocking Colby. “No. No! You don’t get to miss me. You don’t get to miss a relationship you fucked up. It took me years to trust again. Hell, I’m still going through it. You don’t get to decide whether or not you’re in my life. Not anymore.”

“Sam… please.” Colby whimpered.

“Don’t show up at my place again. Don’t talk to my fans about me. Don’t act like you care about me. Because I’m done,” Sam stared into Colby’s eyes before going back into the restaurant. “I don’t care about you. Fuck off forever and leave me alone.”

Sam’s words punched Colby hard, taking the breath out of him instantly. He caught himself against the wall, his legs turning to gelatin under his weight.

He stuttered. “I… gotta leave. I-I have to…”

“Colby, relax. It’s gonna be okay.” She grabbed his hand.

He shook off her embrace. “What? No it’s not! Did you not hear what he said? Why would he want to be friends with a piece of shit like me?!”

“You were eighteen when this all happened. Give yourself a break.” She argued.

“No. I’m fucking terrible. This version of me is terrible. Of course he doesn’t want to be friends with me! I don’t even want to be me.” His voice quivered with anger, his body racing away from her.

She furrowed her brows, trying to keep up with him. “Where are you going?”

“I just need to leave. I can’t be here right now!” He grunted, his pace picking up.

She called after him, but Colby didn’t care. His heart slammed against his chest over and over again. Tears weld up into his eyes, blurring his vision as he began to run. He wanted to keep running until his legs gave out, until he couldn’t remember all the words Sam had said to him.

It dawned to Colby how much worse this universe was.

He wasn’t just stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t know him.

He was stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t want to know him.

In a universe where Sam didn’t love him.

And he had no way of escaping.

Colby must have blacked out while he ran, somehow maintaining to stay upright, because once his thoughts started to subside, and his body basically gave out under him, he noticed he was in a part of LA he had never been before. Some random neighborhood that was unfamiliar.

He shoved his body up against a metal telephone pole, sliding down to the ground. He tried catching his breath, gulping back breaths as he forced down the nausea overwhelming his senses. He wiped his face with his sleeve, feeling more tears rush down his cheeks.

His throat and chest burned with each sharp inhale. He whimpered into his hands, covering his face from the slowly retreating sun.

He slid his phone out of his pocket once he caught his breath, calling the only number he knew.

“Hey honey. What’s up?” His mom’s voice rang back sweetly.

Colby’s voice was monotone, exhausted. “You know who Sam is, don’t you?”

The line went quiet for a moment, all Colby could hear was her light breath.

“You told me not to talk about him. After you two stopped being friends, you said you never wanted to hear his name again.” She exhaled deeply, “I was taken aback when you asked about him yesterday.”

“He’s out here… in LA.” He responded.

She gasped lightly. “Did you run into him?”

He laughed bitterly. “You could say that.”

“Oh, Colby. I’m so sorry.” His mother consoled.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, mama. I just…” Colby trailed off, unable to explain.

“Why don’t you come home this weekend?” She offered. “I miss you, you know.”

“I would love to. But…” His chest heaved as hot tears drifted down his cheeks. “That’s not my home.”

“Nonsense. You will always have a home here.” She assured him, her voice almost trembling.

He wiped a fallen tear, a broken smile coming to his face. “That’s good to know. I love you.”

She hummed. “I love you too, baby. Call me again soon.”

“I will. Bye.” He uttered breathlessly.

The sky was getting darker and darker, and Colby remained against the phone pole. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but suddenly his phone vibrated, a new message from ‘Waitress’ asking where he was. He sent his location, and she arrived twenty minutes later in his car. He stood up, stumbling to his passenger door. His legs were weak from the sprinting he had just done. As he got in, the cool AC blasted the sweat and tears off his face.

They didn’t speak, a quiet radio station playing in the background the only sound. She drove through the hills of LA, eventually hitting a peak. She parked the car as it overlooked LA, the lights looking like stars on the horizon.

She got out a minute later, walking over to the hood and leaning against it. He could see something in her hand but didn’t recognize it. Colby sat in the car by himself, not able to physically move his body from how exhausted he felt. Eventually, he achingly stepped out of the car, sitting next to her on the hood.

“I’m fucked.” Colby breathed.

She started. “I don’t think-”

“Please don’t try to make me feel better. I know you mean well, but I am fucked,” he rebutted, his voice dark. “I’m stuck here, in this universe, where Sam hates me. And as if that weren’t bad enough, I did terrible things, things I know I would never do to him. How the fuck am I supposed to apologize for those mistakes? I wouldn’t take him back if the roles were reversed.”

“Read this.” The waitress stated, handing him a journal.

He glanced down at the leather-bound book, slightly faded from years of writing. He unclicked the lock and opened it, looking down at the pages. It was his, a journal full of writings he had done.

“Where did you get this?” He inquired.

“You were right about your car being messy. But you’d be surprised what you fine if you just look.” She teased.

Colby read over the words, the first entry catching his eye. It was dated a year after him and Sam had graduated high school.

Sam is succeeding without me. I knew he would. He was always so smart when it came to business decisions. He just hit 10k followers on Vine. That’s crazy!

“What the hell is this?” Colby questioned.

She answered quickly. “This whole journal was you keeping up with Sam without him knowing. This version of you always paid attention to what he was doing, even if you guys were no longer friends.”

“I’m obsessed with Sam? That’s great.” He deadpanned.

“You’re not obsessed with Sam. Read this entry.” She skipped a handful of pages, finally stopping on one and showing it to him.

I hate myself everyday for the hurt I caused Sam. I can’t believe what an idiot I was back when I was 18. We could have gone so far together… but I had to go and fuck it up.

He scowled. “Am I supposed to be sad for myself?”

“Keep reading.” She pushed.

The night I chose to never speak to Sam again, I knew I made the wrong decision. But I had to. Sam was ready to go on and do bigger and better things. I was just gonna hold him back. I was terrified of failing, not only myself, but him. He deserves success. That’s why I had to ignore him. I have never been as smart as him. I would have ruined our chances of doing something great. And I have been proven right by how far he has gone without me.

“You stopped being his friend because you were scared, not because you didn’t care anymore.” She repeated.

He slid off the car, scoffing. “So what if I was scared to fail? Sam didn’t deserve the hurt I caused just because of that. And what about me cheating with his girlfriend?”

She jumped off the car, striding up to Colby. She grabbed the journal from his hand. “You didn’t cheat, look.”

She pointed at the bottom of the page, his eyes following her finger.

“Me and Lexi were never together! I hate her for telling him that. One night, they had a really big fight and she came over to my house to ask what she should do. I told her to break up with him if she really didn’t care anymore. And then she tried to hit on me. I told her off and threatened to tell Sam, but she got to him first. She must have told him her and I were together.” The waitress read aloud.

“Wait, if I never hooked up with his girlfriend, why wouldn’t I tell him that?” Colby hissed.

“I think at that point, you wanted the friendship to be over, and I think this solidified it.” The waitress responded.

“All this time I could have been friends with Sam, but I ruined it because I was scared? What a fucking idiot.” He spat.

“You weren’t an idiot,” She interjected. “You just disliked yourself so much you didn’t think you deserved happiness. At least now you know that this version of you isn’t as terrible as you thought.”

“Even with that being the case, Sam’s never gonna accept my apology. Why should he?” Colby lamented, “I let him down the worst ways. I broke his trust and loyalty.”

She shook her head, stepping towards him. “Give him some time. You might be surprised."

Before Colby could speak, his phone rang. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the number. It looked familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Did you really mean it when you said you were sorry?” Sam spoke, his tone hesitant, but dry.

His breath hitched at the sound of Sam’s voice. “Of course. I never meant to hurt you, Sam.”

Sam paused for a moment, before breathing out. “I’m giving you one more chance. Tomorrow. Come by my place. You apparently know where I live.”

“Yeah,” Colby laughed awkwardly. “I’ll come by. Thank you… Sam.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ll see you later.” Sam stated, hanging up.

Once the call ended, Colby’s eyes stared down at his phone widely. He almost couldn’t believe that happened.

He inhaled sharply. “Sam just called me. He wants to meet me tomorrow.”

“That’s great.” Her voice just above a whisper.

“He wants to hear me out… he wants to give me another chance.” His face dropped with confusion. “How did he get my number?”

It hit Colby like a brick as he gazed up at the waitress, who bit her lip hiding her smile. “You…?”

“You weren’t the first person I showed the journal to,” she explained. “When you ran off, I was gonna go after you. As I got in your car, I saw this journal sticking out from under your seat. I read through it and… I knew I had to show Sam. I went back in and talked to him for an hour, showing him how much you were actually sorry. How much you had beat yourself up over hurting him. And then I gave him your number. I wasn’t sure if he was gonna call but-”

“Oh my God, you’re amazing!” Colby ran up to her, grabbing her by the waist and spinning her around. She gripped his shoulders tightly as they spun, laughing loudly into his ear. As her feet touched the ground, he stared into her eyes, his smile the brightest she had ever seen it. His hands glided up her body to her face, cupping her cheeks quickly. He smashed his lips against hers, his heart pounding as he did. Her hands lowered to his chest, her grasp on his shirt tightened as she felt herself lose her footing and back up into the car.

As they stumbled, he realized what he was doing, pulling away quickly. “Shit… I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have-”

“No, it’s okay,” She giggled. “I’m just… surprised.”

He exhaled, letting his arms fall away from her body. “Me too.”

They leaned against the car, keeping a slight distance from each other. A light blush rested on both their faces; however, it was hard to see with the setting sun, something they were both grateful for.

The waitress sighed, breaking the moment of silence. “I think I know why this happened. Why I was the only one who remembered you…”

He raised an eyebrow, slightly side-eyeing her. “Really?”

“I lied to you when we first met. I wanted to seem a bit cooler than I am, but I don’t think I can hide that anymore.” She began, nervously.

Colby’s face relaxed a little, surprised at her words. “Okay.”

“My friend didn’t introduce me to you guys… I introduced her… to you.” She confessed.

A soft grin came to his face. “I had a feeling.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did! I totally did,” he snickered. “Not every fan knows I worked at Dairy Queen. And… no average fan would have helped me get Sam back the way you did.”

“I think there’s a reason for all of this. I think in your universe, your life… you don’t know me.” Her voice dropped suddenly, making Colby turn to her.

“That’s true, I don’t.” He nodded.

Her eyes met his, a sad glint reflecting in the moonlight. “But I think the reason for that is because… you’re not supposed to.”

“What do you mean?” He replied, his face twisting in confusion.

“I think you and I are only supposed to have met here, in this universe. But not in yours.” She glared up at the sky, “Maybe in some weird way, I’m your guardian or guide or something.”

Colby’s thoughts raced. “So, what you’re saying is-“

“This might be the last time you’ll ever see me. You did what you had to do. You got Sam and you to talk again.” Her voice cracked as she held back tears, “You can go home.”

He grabbed her hands, holding them close to his body. “But… I don’t want to leave if it means I don’t know you.”

A hitched breath fell from her lips, a smile appearing from his words. “If we’re meant to be, we’ll see each other again.”

“That’s not fair.” He shook his head, a deep frown settling on his face.

“I know, but it’s how it has to be.” She whispered.

He rested his forehead against her, breathing deeply. “Can I… get one more kiss?”

She bit her lip softly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

They leaned in, his breath fanning across her lips for a split second before he pulled away.

“Wait…” He shuddered. “I never got your name.”

A soft smile came to her lips. “I’ll tell you after.”

His arms wrapped around her, pressing her body into his as their lips collided. He held onto her for dear life, terrified that the moment he pulled away, she would be gone.

He could feel things around him slow down, almost melting away, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the beauty of their kiss making him dizzy. A whirling silence overcame his senses. A burning sensation sliced through his abdomen; his breath ripped from his lungs.

A heavy darkness overtook his vision and for the briefest of moments, he felt absolutely nothing.

Except her lips.

<< |

[jpegjade]

Smile for the Camera - Spencer

it’s 2 days late but i havE A NEW FIC! i don’t really know what else to say this time so yeah here you go!

gender: not mentioned/neutral

type: fluff

warnings: none

______

You hoped you weren’t going to be late. There was an accident on the highway when you were on your way over to Rossi’s house and you kept praying to whatever was out there for you to make it on time. 

Pulling up to the driveway, you saw lights on in the house but the blinds were closed. so you couldn't tell if anything was happening. You heaved a big sigh and grabbed your camera bag. 

“Here we go.” You said to yourself. 

It was always a big production to go to weddings, no matter how small they are. Weddings were draining in the best ways. You loved seeing people in love but it was hard with how little was going in your life sometimes. 

You got a text from Will that read, ’Just walk straight to the backyard when you get here. That’s where we will do the ceremony.’ 

You quietly walked to the back gate and gasped. The decorations were simple but beautiful. String lights, candles, lightly decorated chairs. You felt the urge to cry coming on but you held back. You had a job to do while everyone was gone at the end of the night, then you could cry out of happiness. 

Click. One picture down. Click click. More photos loaded as you got shots in. This was the most calming moment, when there was no one around and you got to be by yourself and get your jitters out. The sound of the camera shutter was so loud in your head but so quiet when you worked. 

“Well look who it is!” A southern New Orleans accent drawled from behind you as you wrapped up shooting. 

“Wil!” You turned, opening your arms to hug your best friend’s fiance. 

You and Will had always been reasonably close because of your bonds with JJ. You didn’t meet the people in her life often but you heard stories and when Will officially came into the picture, you were in love with his chemistry with JJ. You knew this day would happen, especially after Henry, it was only a matter of time.

“Are you ready, big guy?” You asked, taking in his dapper appearance. 

He looked so nice that you knew JJ was going to cry when she saw him. Hell, you were going to cry when you see her and you get to see her before everyone else. Let’s face it… You were just going to cry over everything. Everything was cry-worthy because you knew it was all done in love. Everything here was about love.

“No. I mean yes, I get to call her my wife but I have been practicing my vows for an hour and I still don’t know what to say.” Will chucked as you smiled with him. 

“I think you’ve got it.” You comforted him. 

You were about to say something when someone yelled about JJ pulling up in the driveway. This was Will’s cue to greet JJ at the door with Henry. They arrived in separate cars so Will could get the surprise together but the ruse was that Will was picking up a specific wine as a gift to Rossi since it was his party and you always bring the party host wine. It was a ruse because in reality, Will got to Rossi’s place early to make sure that everything was up and running as smoothly as possible. 

Suddenly, a group of people came walking out of the backdoor. You started taking photos of them coming out as if they were the bridal party, the bridesmaids and groomsmen who stand on the altar with the couple, but you knew they were the guests. 

The first guy out of the door winked at you, causing you to feel your face get hot. Whenever people gave themselves attention through the camera, you felt like it was attention towards you because you were the person behind the camera. You often had to remind yourself that it’s all for the camera, not you. 

“Hey, y/n!” Emily called as she grew closer to you. She was right behind the guy so you didn’t see her until she was standing right in front of you.

“You look really nice.” You said, taking a picture of Emily. She looked slightly bashful at the sight of the camera on her but she went with it anyway. 

You met Emily before at a dinner party that JJ invited you to. Emily, JJ, and Penelope sat around JJ’s kitchen table drinking wine and JJ invited you over because she knew you could use the break to chit chat and be with people without being under pressure to mingle and make business connections like at weddings. You always thought she was a bit brash but you also appreciated how straight-forward Emily always was. 

“Thank you. Are you going to photograph the wedding?” Emily asked as you walked to the middle of the aisle together. Emily was on her way to talk to someone else in the yard and you were waiting for JJ, Will and Henry to come out the back door. 

“Yeah. Will asked me to do it. “ You smiled. 

“I know you’ll do great. You always do.” Emily was genuinely complimenting you and it was your turn to be bashful. 

Being a friend of JJ, she always had you take their family photos so she could post them to Facebook and frame them. Emily obviously saw your photos, along with JJ’s many friends and family, so she kept up with you. 

Emily walked to her seat while you noticed Rossi and JJ’s mother walking to the back door. You followed at a distance, your longest distance lens ready to capture JJ’s face. All you could see was mouths moving but you kept the camera going until it hit her. click click click clickˆ. There was the recognition on JJ’s face about what was happening. 

“Y/n!” JJ noticed you behind Rossi, who you knew as the rich older guy whose house hosted many dinner nights that you were often invited to but you were too busy with weddings and other events on the weekends to go. It was nice to actually attend for once. 

“JJ!” You said, a big smile spreading on your face. 

You can JJ hugged before her mom ushered the two of you off to a room. 

“You knew?” JJ asked as you got pictures of her and her mom getting her dressed in that gorgeous gown. 

It fit her so nicely that it was almost like it was made for JJ… Little did she know that you had a hand in making sure it was fitted to her perfectly leading up to the wedding. It was a challenge but you were able to figure out her measurements through compiling a series of images, some of her clothes, and a special 3D rendering program that Penelope helped program. It sounds easy but it was incredibly difficult to put together in a short amount of time to ensure that the dress was going to be a perfect fit.

“Kinda. It was a last minute thing, which gave me no time to spoil it.” You weren’t the best at secrets but you were by far better than Penelope. You learned that pretty soon after you met her for the first time. 

“Well, I’m glad you’re here. I wouldn’t want to be here without you.” JJ said, her mom zipping her up finally. 

You gave the two of them time alone while you went and looked for a good place to set up. You could feel the tears coming on as you closed the door to the bedroom but you took a deep breath. It was a happy day and you were just feeling overwhelmed. Weddings could be stressful and a lot to handle a lot of the time but they made you happy at the end of the day. 

As you stood in the front row, waiting for JJ to walk down the aisle, you noticed a boy out of the corner of your eye, just talking to Emily. He glanced over at you for a moment, fixing his hair, before focusing on Emily again. You wondered if he worked with JJ… 

The ceremony came and went. From JJ’s gorgeous dress under the stars to Henry and WIll looking nice and the photos of the first kiss, you couldn’t stop crying between shots. It was hard to see but thank the lord for autofocus because you wouldn’t be able to nail the manual focus through your tears. You had never seen her so happy, other than when you saw her in the hospital holding Henry for the first time, so this was an amazing occasion. You missed being a guest for a special moment like this but you would be sobbing if you weren’t doing a job. 

As JJ, Will and Henry walked inside for a little bit for a private moment after the ceremony, you were left outside by yourself as everyone started to mingle. Out of sheer anxiety, you flipped through your preview screen with all of your shots on your camera. With JJ inside, Penelope at the snack table, and Emily dancing with a tall, commanding man with dark hair, you were left not knowing anyone. 

You decided to go sit down at a table and take a break when you heard Henry’s laugh. Looking up, you noticed the cute guy doing magic tricks with Henry over by the table. You couldn’t help but stare at the two of them, a pang in your heart. 

With all of your friends getting married or engaged, you found yourself getting lonlier. They were all pairing off and getting on with their lives while you were committed to your job. That was perfectly fine but your photos couldn’t talk back to you when you were alone at night, needing an emotional connection. 

Click. Click. Click. You took more shots of Henry smiling from afar, pausing to look at the previews, before you went inside to get something to drink. If anyone needed a shot right now, it was you.

Two shots in, you heard a door closing behind you. 

“You should say hi to him.” JJ said, smiling. 

Instinctively, she was playing with her wedding ring. It was a foreign object on her hand so of course she would play with it between her fingers. 

“I should not do that. I’m here to work.” You smiled back. 

The smile was a little bit forced because you had this conversation with JJ before. You see a cute person and JJ encourages you to go for it. You shoot her down and tell her all the reasons it wouldn’t work out. The two of you laugh about it and move on. 

“Spence is a nice guy.” JJ chuckled, looking out to the backyard. 

“His name is Spence?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. 

“Spencer Reid is his name.” JJ corrected. “But I’ve always called him Spence when no one would give him a nickname when he first got to the BAU.” 

“Oh, that’s cute.” You said, distractedly. 

Looking over at Spencer, he was still playing with Henry. Another magic trick that piqued your interest as you tried to see how he did it. He was just too smooth because you couldn’t see the switcheroo moment. 

“Go, talk to him! Take a break for a little bit. You’ve been working this entire time and I know the shots aren’t going to cure the lonely feeling.” JJ said, a soft smile on her face. 

You thought about it for a second, slowly feeling the effects of the shots flowing to your head. It wasn’t enough to knock you off balance but enough to loosen you up a little bit. 

“I just might.” You said, your resolve hitting you. 

JJ smiled at you as you went outside to where Spencer sat. One. Two. One. Two. You counted your steps, looking down at your feet as you felt the nerves threatening to come back up. Where was the confidence you felt a minute ago? You could do this. 

Just when you were about to open your mouth, Henry spotted you and came running up to hold your leg. 

“Y/N!” He yelled, looking up at you. 

In the second you paused to gain your balance and look down at Henry, you looked back up to see Spencer talking to the guy that winked at your camera in the beginning of the wedding. They seemed to be talking about something serious so you gave up and decided to dance with Henry. 

“Hey buddy, will you dance with me?” You asked Henry, who was still clinging to your leg. You took your camera from it’s resting place on your chest and placed it in your shoulder bag. 

Henry nodded his head and the two of you went out to the dance floor, him holding onto your hands and swaying off tempo. You were looking at Henry, who occasionally let go of your hand to push the hair out of his face, and sneaking glances at Spencer, who was starting to look deflated in his conversation. You wondered what he was talking about that made him deflate at a wedding. 

“Mind if I cut in?” Will’s voice shook you out of your wandering thoughts about Spencer. 

“Of course. I’m sure you guys should have a family dance.” You said, stepping away. 

“I wanted to dance with you, not him.” Will chuckled.

Henry ran over to his mom, who was at the snack table with Spencer, while you and will had a dance. You didn’t even notice Spencer get up and move. 

“This is beautiful.” You said, looking around. You noticed the air get a little chilly but you were still moving so it didn’t bother you. 

“It really came together in time.” Will chuckled, knowing how much of a hassle it was to pull everything together. 

“No thanks to you, of course.” You smiled. 

Over Will’s shoulder, you could see JJ and Spencer still talking. They looked so light and fun. You wondered what they were talking about. You couldn’t see JJ’s face but Spencer was looking up at the stars until he wasn’t. Suddenly, he was making eye contact with you. 

You felt your face grow hot as you looked away, Will’s voice calling you back from your thoughts. 

“You should go talk to him. You’ll enjoy his… Quirks.” Will chuckled, continuing to sway with you. 

“Quirks, huh? He’s that bad? Maybe I shouldn’t go for it…” You said, thinking about how your previous experiences with guys with quirks landed you more single than an amoeba. 

“I think you would like him. He knows a lot about… Well everything.” He said as the song came to an end. 

“Well, I’ll see. I want to get more shots of you, JJ and Henry dancing together.” You said, grabbing your camera out of your shoulder bag and taking a few steps back to capture Will smiling. 

Click. Click. 

You checked the images and were satisfied enough to move on… Almost. 

“Can I borrow that?” Will asked, pointing to your camera. 

“For what?” You asked, genuinely curious what he could use it for at his own wedding when he literally paid you to take care of photos. 

“I want to show JJ how I see her, with the help of your camera.” Will said, dreamily as the two of you stared at JJ and Henry dancing together. 

“Okay… I don’t know what I’ll do now, though.” You nervously chuckled. 

It was a little bit deflating to give up your camera. You really wanted a reason to talk to Spencer and you typically used taking pictures of someone as an excuse to actually talk to them. Without your camera, how are you supposed to do that?

“Here, I’ll be your wingman.” Will nudged you before you could realize that Spencer was walking toward the two of you. 

Before you had time to react, Will put the camera up to his face and started taking pictures.

“This is harder than I expected…” Will muttered, watching you smile. 

“What’s hard?” Spencer asked, standing arms length away from you. 

The three of you stood in a triangle, staring at each other for a moment. You felt naked and defenseless against the situation without your camera. Will was trying to understand it before he went over to JJ. 

“You know, the first photo of a person was an accident. So by taking pictures of me, you’re doing more than the first technical portrait photographer was doing, in terms of effort and intention. The art of photography really is a numbers game, if you think about it. Along the x and y-axis, you’re attempting to capture a moment of time on a plane of existence that is completely irrelevant to the numbers related to the…” 

“Spence.” JJ said, seemingly coming out of nowhere. She smiled and shook her head as if the two of them went through that routine normally. 

“Related to the plane of imagery.” You mumbled, knowing you heard that from somewhere but not sure where. 

Will, JJ, and Spencer all heard you finish Spencer’s sentence, although it was natural. 

“You listened to my ted talk.” Spencer said, smiling. 

“That was you?” You asked, meeting Spencer’s eyes. They looked so pretty up close, when the light hit them a certain way. 

“Yes! It was supposed to be a regular lecture but they were trying a new format and wanted to know if I would be willing to do it that way. I didn’t mind but it was hard to…” Spencer trailed off when he looked over at JJ. 

“Will, I think we should let them work out the logistics of...cameras… While you and I hang out with Henry. The night seems to be winding down. I think there’s one song left before Rossi kicks us out.” JJ chuckled. 

Spencer shifted on his feet as JJ, Will, and your camera went to the dance floor, where Henry was talking to Emily. 

“Your name is Spencer, right?” You asked, rocking on the heels of your shoes. 

“Dr. Spencer Reid.” He said, looking at you with a small smile.

“Oh. You’re a doctor…” You said, trying to figure out how old he was. 

“I’m not that old, no. I was accelerated in my learning as a child so I finished everything earlier than expected.” He said, seemingly reading into what you were thinking. 

There was an awkward silence that fell between the two of you. You wanted to fill it so badly but you didn’t want to actually think about what to fill it with. You spent yet another night pining over a boy who wasn’t going to have any interest in you, just like every other wedding you go to. 

“So… How about those stars…” You chuckled. 

“Do you think… Maybe... Would you be interested in dancing with me?” Spencer was stumbling over his words as the last song of the night came on through the speakers. One of your favorite songs…

“Finally.” You breathed out before realizing what you said. “I mean yes, I would love to dance with you.” 

Leading you out to the empty makeshift dance floor, the music played softly in the background as Spencer slipped his hand around your waist. 

“Garcia said you would be someone nice to know.” Spencer said, swaying with you. 

“I beg to differ but I guess I shouldn’t say those things to cute boys.” 

It was different from dancing with Will. Dancing with Will was wasting time, just doing something to do it. Dancing with Spencer had a little purpose. The last song of the night wasn’t even slow but you and Spencer were the last ones on the dancefloor, just swaying in tune with one another. It was relaxing, if not excessively calming. 

“You think I’m cute?” Spencer asked, his eyebrows furrowing. 

“You don’t?” You followed up, genuinely confused at how he didn’t see it. 

“Well the term ‘cute’ cannot be scientifically described although the golden ratio is believed to…” Spencer squinted at something past your head, causing you to turn around. 

Behind the glassdoor of the house was the BAU, watching you and Spencer dance. As soon as they realized you were turning around, they all pretended to be talking to one another. It was a pretty bad attempt. 

“Do they always watch you do stuff like this?” You turned back to Spencer and he solemnly nodded. 

“That’s weird.” You said, glancing over your shoulder again. 

Half of the team was giving Spencer a thumbs up, including JJ. 

“What if we got out of here?” Spencer said, looking down at you. 

“Hmm?” You asked, looking at his eyes. You noticed they were warm and inviting, soft even. 

“You and I could get out of here. Get coffee, maybe?” He smiled slightly. It looked a little forced but that could be because he was nervous. 

“RIght now?” You asked, lifting your arm as he slowly spun you around. 

“RIght now. If that’s okay with you. If not, that’s fine. I get it. It’s like…” Spencer was still going when you cut him off. 

“Let’s get out of here.” You said, “I don’t want the night to end with a last dance like this.”