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covetyou · 1 year ago

Text

the dark caress of someone else

part 1 ⋆ part 2 ⋆ part 3 ⋆ part 4 ⋆ part 5

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist ⋆ series masterlist

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader x Tess Servopoulos rating: Explicit (18+ only!) chapter warnings: dub con, threesome (mff), oral (f and m receiving), bi reader, unprotected P in V, creampie, praise kink, spit kink, derogatory names (slut), drug reference, unspecified age gap, one singular queef (I'm not sorry), one face slap (with a dick)word count: 6.2k chapter summary: After a little white lie, you go to pick up your dads medication, only to be met by an angry Joel and a (not so) surprise visitor.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the love for this silly little series. I appreciate your amazing comments so much, and I don't quite know what to do with myself.

Piggy in the middle is fuckin difficult man. But I guess life imitates art and sometimes there do just be too many holes, hands and other body parts to keep track of. Also pls excuse me but I'm, like, really bi. And Anna Torv's Tess has my whole entire pussy heart.

this part is dedicated to 'The Sweaty Javi' and 'The Hillbilly Duck Hunter' (courtesy of the wonderful @morallyinept). thank you for your services. (pls drink responsibly)

also a shout out to slasher!joel's big ol' balls (spawned by @toxicanonymity) they've been on my mind literally all week and you would not believe the ball content I had to cut from this. only a smidgen of balls remain, but the balls are there in spirit. thanks for the ballspo bb.

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song: someone new by Hozier dividers: @saradika

Your dad shook as he threw back his last pill, swallowing dry before chasing it down with a sip of water. He'd been making weak comments about needing to get more all week and you'd always stopped him. You didn't want him to go. You wanted to go.

You both knew that the pushback was all for show, but now a little white lie meant the show was over, for him at least.

"Joel doesn't want you coming to get your pills yourself anymore," you'd told him. It was a barefaced lie, but felt better than telling him the truth. How, exactly, do you tell your dad you're whoring yourself to his drug dealer?

You were fairly certain your dad knew what kind of man Joel Miller was. A Nice Man to some, maybe, but his reputation preceded him. He was known for helping out people when they got into tricky spots. Not all the time, of course, but when you had something he took a fancying to, he'd be more than willing to come to an agreement. Maybe your dad already knew what you were doing for him, for you. Maybe he noticed you had more ration cards these days, a spring in your step. You wondered if he cared, if he'd ever try to stop you.

You make your way to the nicer part of the QZ again the next day. You have a free shift and, despite your dad's protests that you should go spend it with friends, you find yourself climbing chipped steps to an empty hallway once more.

You had left the last time with the slick of oil between your cheeks, down your legs, between your thighs. It had taken days to wash off completely. You didn't mind one bit - whenever you moved the slick of it reminding you of him buried in you to the hilt, fucking you half to death in a way you'd never imagined. Embarrassment, shame, you shouldn't like this, melding together and melting away as he pummelled into you from behind. You'd practically rubbed yourself raw thinking about it, but it was never quite enough.

Uncontrollable excitement thrums through you as you approach his door. And, well, you should have known.

Each time you turn up to Joel Miller's door thinking you know what to expect, and each time you're wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. It seems this time is no different.

You hear it before you even get to the door. Raised voices - a man shouting, a girl crying. You hear muffled snippets of the argument - "fuckin' daddy" here, "you're an asshole" there. You don't want to leave, but the sound of it makes you nervous. The unexpected usually hit when you were already trapped inside Joel's apartment, not when you were waiting in the corridor for the door to open.

You decide to turn and leave, you can come back later or another day, your dad can wait. You can wait. But then the door is opening and a topless brunette is rushing out into the hallway, nearly knocking into you in the process. Tears are streaming down her face as she shoves her arms into her t-shirt, hurrying away muttering "asshole" under her breath.

You watch as she leaves, turning your head back to the open door only when you see movement out the corner of your eye.

You'd never seen him like this. White fury burned behind his eyes as he came to slam the door in the girl's wake. He sees you and halts, fingers gripping the wood so tight you think it might splinter.

"Where's your daddy," he snarls at you.

"At home, in bed. He needs-"

"I know what he fuckin' needs. Get in."

He stalks away from the door, leaving it wide open for you to enter. You follow him in. You'd been trapped in here with him before, but it never felt like this. The fear you had before was because of the unknown, the new - he was a strange man in a strange place. Now he was a man you somewhat knew and trusted, yet in this moment you feared him. You were suddenly keenly aware that he could hurt you, really actually hurt you, if he wanted to.

A cupboard door clanks shut, making you jump, then his imposing figure is stomping back over to you. Grabbing your hand, he wretches it open, pushes a pill packet into your palm, and closes it into a fist around the plastic.

"You can see yourself out," he growls before walking away from you, leaving you standing there, confused.

You frown as you look between the pills he'd just given you and him. "But -"

"But fuckin' what," he yells, turning on you. "I gave you what you want, now go."

You're a fucking idiot, poking the already angry bear, but you step forward anyway. "That's not what I want."

He scoffs at you, hands on hips, shaking his head in disbelief. You felt small just because of the size of him usually, but now he was making you feel small in other ways.

"Use me."

"Use you? You want me to use you?"

You shrug your shoulders. "That's what this is, right? You give me what I want, and I give you what you want." He'd said it himself last time, and now here you were using his own words against him.

"And you think using you is what I want?"

You look him straight in the eye, balls bigger than the universe and say, "Yes."

Angry feet drag him to you, toes stopping barely an inch away from your own. He stares down at you, challenging you to look away, but you crane your neck and keep your eyes locked with his.

When he brings one massive hand gently to your neck, holding your gaze, you try not to flinch. Joel notices, fiery gaze briefly softening, he doesn't want you to be scared of him, and allows the cradle of his hand to push against your throat. You feel your pulse thunder beneath his palm just before the pressure releases.

"You got one last hole I ain't tried yet," he murmurs, dragging the rough pad of his thumb up your jaw and across the swell of your bottom lip. You fight not to kiss it, to take it into your mouth and show him how useful you can be.

The hand drags down your body, fingertips pulling at the neckline of your shirt, before he reaches its hem. You think he's going to put a hand up it, feel your bare skin underneath. Instead he bunches the fabric taught against your chest in one fist, yanking you even closer to him, his fist keeping you from falling flush against his torso.

"Take this off," his breath whispers across your face.

Grip loosening on your shirt, you try not to stumble back as you pull your shirt over your head, cheeks heating when you briefly get it caught on your chin. You weren't wearing a bra today, but if he notices he doesn't react.

Fingers tug at your belt loops. "And these."

You unbutton your pants, pulling them down your legs and off your body, taking your shoes with them. You try not to think about if the other girl was this dressed when Joel decided to kick her out.

Joel kicks your clothes away from you, you watch them skid across the floor, pill packet clattering along with them, before turning back, the fire in his eyes back and all softness forgotten.

"On your fuckin' knees."

You thud to your knees and look up at him. He takes a step back, as if he suddenly doesn't trust himself to be close to you. The thought of him actually hurting you crosses your mind again - you wonder if that'd turn you on the same as the other things he does, the things he does to hurt but make you feel good too. Maybe it would. Maybe if he really wanted to you'd let him.

His eyes rake down your body, taking in your bare tits, nipples hardened under the chill of the room, down the swell of your stomach, across the meat of your thighs and to the dampness forming on the front of your panties.

"Want me to use you, huh?" he says, nostrils flaring as his hands flex beside him.

Your eyes flick to his crotch. You'd only been this close to him in your fantasies, but you find you're salivating just as much as you do in your dreams, aching to run your hands across him and really, finally, feel him.

As if reading your mind, his hand caresses across the front of his pants. Where there had been nothing but the soft shape of him before was a growing tent as he hardened before you. "You want this?"

You nod.

He threads a hand through your hair, scratching at your scalp and cradling your head in his palm. He forces your head back further, until you're looking directly up at him.

"You're gonna have to ask nicely for it, sweetheart."

"Please can I have it," you beg, sounding as needy as you feel. You've never needed anything more than you need this. You know he can see it in your face, in the way you lick your lips as you take him in.

He yanks his pants down in an instant, cock bouncing from their confines. He grabs it in his fist, large hand stroking gently up his length to tug at his tip as he grows. It looks huge in his hand, but you know it'd look so much bigger in yours.

You look up at him wide eyed as you watch him stroke himself. A few strokes and he's solid already. For all you've done with him, for how you've had him inside you, you've never seen it this close. Never seen how veins ripple under skin, foreskin moves back with the movement of his hand to reveal his flushed tip, slit beckoning you to taste.

"Please can I have your co- "

The hard length of him collides harshly with the side of your face. Your lips part in a gasp. You stop yourself from chasing it and engulfing it with your mouth. He hasn't said you could, and you're not stepping a toe out of line. He needs you to be good.

"You really want it?" he teases.

You nod frantically. You must look dumb, like one of those nodding dog ornaments from years ago - glassy eyed and head bobbing at just about anything.

"Kiss it." You do, hesitantly placing a gentle kiss to one side of his tip, then the other, before placing an even softer kiss to his slit. There's a thrill knowing you'd never kissed any part of him before, knowing that the first time you'd pressed your lips to him it was to his cock. If anyone ever found out maybe you'd be embarrassed, but here, in this room, all you wanted was more.

Swallowing heavily and lifting his shaft, he pulls your head closer to him. "Kiss 'em. They wanna feel good too, sweetheart."

You place more soft kisses across the delicate skin of his balls, pushing down the temptation to taste him. Your eyes never leave his face, and his never leave yours. He looks so horny he could smash you through a fucking wall, and you don't think you'd mind if he did.

You keep kissing until he pulls your head back. He's started gently stroking himself again, getting himself off as he watched you worship his balls.

"You wanna taste?"

"I wanna taste," you swallow, sinking down as you spread your knees wide to stop the temptation of rubbing your thighs together, desperate for relief he hasn't said you can have.

"Show me how much you want it."

You snap your jaw open for him, eager to taste more than the swipe of cum he'd spread over your lips weeks ago, as he fists his cock gently over your face. He's teasing you with it still when a whine catches in your throat.

Another tug to your hair tilts your head back, but your eyes strain down to look at the bead of cum that's about to drip from the tip of him. He leans over you, cock in hand and your head held in the other. You watch as he spits down into your mouth, saliva cooling as it falls from his mouth to yours, landing cold on your waiting tongue.

"Good girl. So desperate for it. Keep it open." He moves his dripping tip to your mouth before you can react, swiping it across your tongue, mixing his precum with your, and his, saliva.

You hear it before he does - the sound of a key jingling and a lock turning. It startles you, fright springing across your face as he frowns down at you. You keep your mouth open as the door swings open behind you, exposing your naked body to the hallway and whoever has just entered.

"You home, old man?" a familiar voice you can't place calls out, before the very same voice lets out a low whistle when it catches sight of you.

The door is kicked shut, and there's a thud on the table. Joel is still brandishing his cock as he stares daggers over your head at the intruder. Your fucking mouth is open.

"You mind? I'm busy," he says, wiping the tip of his cock over your tongue again. You salivate at the salty taste of him and try to swallow.

Light footsteps head toward where you kneel on the floor before Joel, knees spread, head up, eyes darting between his face and his grip on his cock.

"Well then, hello there pretty girl." You remember that voice.

Finally letting your eyes flick to the side, you see her. Tess. She seems to recognize you at the same time as you do, a smile pulling across her face as your mouth falls slack in shock.

She'd been your fathers dealer before you were handed off one day to a new one. Your dad hadn't given details on why, but you had a feeling you knew. She'd helped you once too, when a few too many sick days had meant too few cards to get by. That had been your first time on your knees for someone at the promise of pills, and at the time you thought it would be your last.

Joel watches as she approaches and looks down at you on your knees. His hand hasn't left his cock, and he's tugging on himself as he watches, another bead of precum you desperately want to lick collecting at his head. He moves his hand from its place in your hair and starts stroking his heavy balls with it as he watches you.

"How's your daddy?" she pouts in mock empathy before addressing Joel, laughing.

"Gotta say, didn't expect this when I handed 'em off to you. Told you the daughter's mouth was good, didn't I?"

"I wouldn't know, I was only just about to find out," he grits out. His hands are still slowly working over himself as he talks to her. You watch as his eyes roam up and down her body, then flick to you down at his feet. Your body heats as you watch him ogle her - you think it may be jealousy until your own eyes trail the same path down her body before resting back on Joel. What difference is there between jealousy and desire, really.

"The first time you get to mess with one, and I get to witness it? Lucky me," she grins as she watches Joel thread a hand back through your hair, drawing your attention back to him completely.

"S'not the first time," he whispers as he pulls you forward, nodding at you to open your mouth once more.

"Then what the fuck have you been doing with her?"

Joel rolls his eyes at her, instead opting to feed the head of his cock into your mouth.

Your mouth engulfs his tip, warm and wet, he sucks in a breath closing his eyes, grip tightening in your hair. You let your tongue swirl around him, feeling the ridge of his head and tasting the bitter sweet salt of his cum on his skin. Your fingers curl into the rough fabric of his pants, anchoring you to him as you bob your head over his tip, circling your tongue over every inch of it.

"Oh fuck, that's right," he moans. "That taste good?"

He looks down as you nod, your moan of confirmation around his cock pulling another groan from his chest as his eyes fall closed again.

"Fuck yeah, it does."

Tess had all but gone from your mind until you hear the tap of shoes on the floor, and feel as she crouches beside you. A soft hand comes to your face, stroking the hollow of your cheek as you suck more of Joel's cock into your mouth.

You feel soft lips press a kiss to that very same hollow, the feeling of being kissed making you sigh. His eyes snap open, he'd been so lost in the feeling of your mouth on him that he hadn't noticed Tess's approach either. Now he was looking down at two women at his feet, eyes burning holes into yours where they fluttered in your head.

She begins nuzzling your hair, your neck, placing soft kisses across your bare skin. You keep your focus on Joel, staring at him with the same intensity he stares at you. Soft hands start to roam up and down your body, squeezing your chest, pinching your nipples, dragging short nails across your stomach, her every move making you shudder.

"Can't say I ever imagined a sweet little thing like you doing this," she whispers into your ear. You can hear the sickly sweet smile in her voice.

You moan into Joel's cock as she touches you, taking yet more of him into your mouth. You want to touch it, hold the heft of it in your hand, but you never have before. You don't know if you're allowed. You inch your hand up his pants to his crotch, stroking the exposed skin at the base of him with your fingertips. The hand in your hair twitches, and you hear a strangled moan from above you.

"Fuuck."

Another shift of your hand and your hand wraps around his thick base, fingertips unable to meet even if you squeezed. Holding him steady, you can finally angle him down so you can draw more of his cock into your mouth. You flick your tongue along his tip again as you swallow around him with a moan.

"That's it. Show me how much you can take."

At the instruction, Tess knocks his hand away from your hair, bringing both of her own to hold either side of your head. She fucks your mouth up and down his length, Joel moaning deep as his hand finds yours on his pants and grips your fingers tightly.

You'd been longing to feel his lips on yours so much that you'd never considered what his hand might feel like on yours. It's the opposite of electric - the heavy heat of his rough hand grounding you, finally, as you take him in in full clarity.

"Shit that's good," he sighs as you're dragged along him by Tess's hands.

"You hear that? He thinks you're doing a good job," Tess says from beside you, pushing your head down to take more of him with a kiss to your cheek.

You start to gag as she pushes you down - it had been so long since you'd done this, and Joel's size wasn't exactly forgiving to the less experienced - but you carry on, moaning again when the welcome distraction of Tess's body pushes against yours.

"Nothin' but a cocksucking slut, huh?" Joel murmurs down to you almost affectionately, moving a stray hair from across your face. Yes you want to say, but it comes out a garbled mess as Tess laughs at you once again.

With another firm push of your head, your mouth slips down and takes Joel even further to the back of your throat. You cough and splutter, trying to push yourself back using your hand against Joel's thick thighs, but Tess holds you down with his cock buried in your throat. Joel's hand grips yours tighter still.

"Don't," he snarls. "If I wanted her chokin' on it I'd fuck her face."

"Maybe I want her to choke on it," Tess counters from beside you with another laugh, but she relents anyway.

You pull back with a gasp and take a gulp of air before kissing the tip of his cock. You don't want to let go of it for a minute. You lick long stripes up his length, collecting the strings of saliva you'd left behind, before encasing him in your mouth once more. If you were anywhere else you'd maybe feel shame at your need for him, and your need to please him, but the heat of their eyes burning into you does nothing but light a fire between your legs.

Tess sees it, moving a hand down from bobbing your head on Joel's cock, down your bare torso and cupping your clothed pussy. Her slender fingers feel so much more delicate compared to Joel's thick calloused ones as they rub over you, your moans muffled by the fullness of the cock in your mouth.

"She's so wet, Joel," you hear her say through Joel's groan and the blood rushing in your ears.

Your hips start to rock into Tess's hand of their own accord, aching to find more friction and finally get some relief. She yanks your panties to the side, using one of her fingers to trace the seam of you before gently tickling your clit. If she could only feel how damp you were before, she could definitely feel the drip of slick from your cunt now.

Slender fingers plunge into you, fucking your desperate hole with force as you work your mouth over Joel's cock. You're left empty for half a second before her fingers are back in you, more this time, stretching you further so suddenly that your legs widen to accommodate the pull of fingers inside you.

"All four fingers, good girl," Tess coos.

"Four?" grunts Joel. Tess nods, laughing, and Joel throws his head back with a groan.

"I bet we could fit a whole hand up here," she says with another kiss to your cheek.

You were naive before to think she wouldn't, couldn't, hurt you the way you thought Joel could. You were wrong, you realized now, as her fingers plunged into you, stretching wide, words taunting in your ear as she forced your head back and forth over Joel's cock.

Her fingers leave your cunt entirely, leaving you empty and gaping. She pulls you off of Joel, replacing his cock in your mouth with her glistening fingers. You clean your own slick from them, moaning at the tang of your own pussy mixing with the flavor of Joel still on your tongue. His eyes never leave you and his hand never gives up its grip on yours.

"You like the taste of pussy, don't you?" Tess whispers in your ear, pushing you back onto Joel.

"Mhm."

"I think we can do something about that," she murmurs. "Can't we Joel." You both look up at him from your knees. He growls, nodding stiffly.

You're being hauled to your feet and pushed to the couch before you know what's going on. The blood rushes to your head and the room spins when you're pushed roughly over the arm, watching as Tess unbuttons her pants and pulls them down her legs.

She lounges back on the other arm of the sofa, spreading her legs and beckoning you to come between them. You ignore the ache in your knees from the hard wood of the floorboards as you crawl over, settling between her soft thighs and looking up at her with parted mouth. You would do anything right now, desperate for any relief from anyone.

Joel has followed behind, watching your ass sway as you crawled to her. Your panties are still skewed to the side, and you know he's looking at the mess of arousal between your legs. Tess may have been the one with her fingers buried in you, but you hope he knows he's just as responsible for your glistening cunt.

"C'mon," he growls, landing a swat to your ass. "Lemme see you eat that pussy."

You stare at Tess's bare cunt, feeling needy in ways you can't even explain, and move to lower your head, eager to taste her again.

She grabs you by the hair before your mouth can touch her.

"No teasing now. You remember what I told you?" You nod. You remembered every fucking part - exactly how she liked to come undone. Sometimes you imagined her doing the same to you.

She pulls your face down toward her cunt, and you stick out your tongue, hungry to taste her. You lick her gently at first, small licks across the swelling of her clit and her flushed lips. You lick further down, parting her folds to taste at her entrance - for all her laughing and teasing, her pussy was as much of a traitor as yours when exposed like this. She was dripping.

Joel's rough hands pull your ass toward him, dragging your panties down to your knees, hobbling you. The couch dips and creaks behind you as he brings a foot up to better line up with your hole. The wetness of his cock slides through your slick folds once, twice, then notches the tip at your entrance before he pushes in in one, sheathing himself completely in the heat of your body. You moan and gasp around Tess's clit, never stopping the movement of your tongue.

"Not sure she can handle it," she half chuckles, half moans.

"She can," grits out Joel. "S'taken worse." He slides out and punches all the way back in again, the feeling of his hips snapping against your ass so much less overwhelming when his cock was in your pussy and not your ass. You try desperately to keep up the movements of your mouth, wanting to feel Tess come undone at your hands, but blocking out Joel entirely is impossible with the distracting pound of his cock into you.

Tess grabs more of your hair, pulling it away from your neck and giving him a better view of you and her cunt.

"Fuck yeah, sweetheart," he groans now that he can see more clearly. "Lick that pussy."

"Been a while since you had multiple girls over, huh?" Tess taunts, throwing her head back before Joel can reply.

He nods, pulling your hips back into his as he thrusts forward. "Too fuckin' long." He groans again, meaty hands gripping your ass cheeks hard and pulling you apart at the seams as he pounds into you.

You slip a finger into her wet heat, curling it upwards as you feel inside of her. She's as slick as you, and you wonder if she's ever taken Joel as you have. The thought makes you moan again, just as Joel picks up the pace of his thrusts, slamming into you so hard your mouth jerks over Tess's cunt.

You try to steady yourself, fluttering your tongue flutters over Tess's clit, circling and suckling it into your mouth. You ignore the sensation building inside you as Joel's balls smack against your neglected clit each time he buries himself in you. It's too many feelings, too many sensations all at once.

Joel's hips stutter as he slams his cock into you, chasing his own release, already so close after you'd had him in your mouth for so long. Even closer from watching Tess tease you with her fingers buried in your needy cunt, watching your tongue lathe over hers.

You hear a strangled "Fuck" before he slams his hips forward again, slick cock slipping deep inside you as he floods your pussy with warm, wet cum. You moan into Tess's clit as you feel yourself heat from the inside out.

"Shit. Shit," he sighs from behind you. You want to turn to look at the fucked out look on his face. You nearly do.

"Don't stop, almost there," pants Tess, almost begging you with your face still buried in her wet heat, lapping at her clit with a finger curled inside her. "Pretty girl, almost there," she croons, stroking your hair and rocking into your face.

Gentle circles on her clit turn firmer, more rapid, and the hand in your hair grips you tighter as you pull her release from her. She grinds against your face, pussy throbbing as you lick her pulsing clit through her orgasm.

That same hand yanks you back a moment later, too sensitive to continue, before she relaxes back into the couch with a sigh.

"She's good, Joel," she breathes, a hand idly stroking your hair. You hear Joel grunt in agreement from behind you, his hands still holding onto your ass, and your cheeks heat with the praise.

He moves away, pulling his cock from where it had softened inside you, watching as a small trickle of cum escapes to drip down to your neglected clit.

"Looks like you earned your meds today," Tess laughs, patting your cheek, before standing to pull her pants back on without another word to you.

Still on your hands and knees on the couch, you watch her approach Joel, kissing him on the side of the mouth as he stares, breathing deeply, at your ass. His cum is still dribbling out of you. You flip to sit back on your ass, trying to stop its escape making too much of a mess on his furniture.

She whispers something into his ear, moves to the door, looks at you with a smirk one last time before opening it and leaving.

The door snaps shut, and she's gone.

As soon as the door closes he's on you again, pushing you back down into the couch with a growl. The air is knocked out of you as your back thuds down and he hoists your legs back, folding you in two.

Holding you down and open, the wetness of his mouth engulfs your pussy, slurping your clit into his mouth.

He's devouring you, eagerly eating all of his cum out your hole and cleaning you of his creamy spend.

You moan and twitch beneath him, having spent the last fuck knows how long with your mouth full but the desperate need in your pussy neglected. You'd hoped he could fuck an orgasm out of you, but as soon as the pressure of his cock in you had gotten good, the slap of his balls against your clit hard enough to send a thrill through you, he'd stuttered to a stop, leaving you with an aching pussy and nothing to show for it.

A strong arm pins you down, keeping your legs back, feet in the air. Two of his thick fingers thrust into you, before he pulls them out, licking them clean, then he plunges three straight back in, stretching you more than Tess's four ever had and making you whine, high pitched and needy, for more.

You're so close, so near to falling over the edge, but his desperate licks are too desperate, not focussed enough on your oversensitive pussy, too frantic. You feel like you've been edged for hours, but your clit has barely been touched until now. It's been left starving, aching for attention.

"Joel!" you ground out desperately, looking between your thrown back legs where he feasts on you. His eyes catch you, catch the desperation, the need, and he slows down, honing in on your clit, lapping in steady circles, fingers pumping deeply.

Your toes curl, tears come to your eyes and your bottom lip quivers. You nod at him. He's found it. Exactly what you need, the exact spot. He's relentless now, his tongue moving over, and over, and over as his eyes lock with yours.

"Ohhhnnnnng."

"That's it," you feel him mumble into your clit. "Good girl."

And you're cascading over the edge, into a pit of white heat, different but similar to the one in his eyes when you first saw him today. You shudder and jerk, his tongue flicking over your sensitive bud drawing wave after wave out of you as your pussy spasms around his fingers, gripping them tight and tethering you down as you writhe.

You twitch with oversensitivity and Joel finally stops, tongue leaving your clit, lips pressing firmly to your mound instead as he breathes you in. Your body heaves and you sink further into the couch, stomach muscles finally letting you unfurl from where you'd chased your orgasm so desperately.

"Fuck," he groans so close you can feel his lips move on your skin. All you can do is nod weakly in response. "You okay?" You nod again, not trusting your voice and still not entirely sure you're conscious.

His thick fingers pull from you, leaving you empty, and his hands gently guide your legs down to rest on the couch. Blood is still pounding through your ears, but you hear and feel it... the air that Joel's fingers had pumped into you chooses that moment to escape in one humiliating gust.

Your face drops with embarrassment, and you hear Joel laugh from between your legs.

"Sign of a job done good," he laughs, kissing down onto your pussy, tongue gently swiping along your sensitive clit again. You try to wiggle away, letting out another rumble, fucking fuck, and immediately still as Joel laughs more.

"You done?" he says into your cunt, spreading you slightly to look at your spent hole then to you. "I think she's good." He kisses your clit once more and sits back, stretching his back out on the sofa with his arms behind his head.

You both sit there in silence, recovering your breath and coming back down to earth. Your knees knock together as your legs relax. You close your eyes, breathing deeply, and let the chill of the room cool your sweaty body and the heat of embarrassment from your cheeks.

Much sooner than you'd like, you feel Joel start to move.

"I ain't mad at you, y'know," he says softly as he tucks his cock back into his pants. "Was never mad at you. Just mad."

You knew that already, but hearing him say it still made you feel better. It made you feel like you'd done the right thing, that you hadn't pulled him into something he didn't want. You were justified, you were right. He wanted, needed, to use you as much as you needed to be used.

"You should get goin'," he moves to stand as he speaks, walking away from the couch and from you.

"But -"

He shuts you up with a single look. You sit up wordlessly, casting your eyes down. He was right - what exactly would you even be staying for, really, other than because some part of you wanted to.

You dress in silence, panties still around your knees pulled up, clothes thrown on haphazardly, pills stuffed into an empty pocket. Joel doesn't watch this time, instead he rifles through the box left by Tess. You never see into it, but you watch his profile shift and change as he reacts to what she left for him.

You move closer to the table, making way to leave his apartment without another word, when he's closing the box and speaking.

"I've had a vasectomy," he says pointing to your now covered crotch. "So, y'know... should be fine."

"Oh." You hadn't even thought about it. You didn't even care. "You... you could've done that in my mouth too. I wouldn't have minded."

"Your mouth was occupied," he smirks with a shrug. "Besides, if I wanted to, I would've."

He gestures for you to leave, so you do, Joel following you to the door as you go. You open it yourself, just as Tess had, and walk out. You don't have time to finish saying thank you before the door is shut behind you, leaving you alone in the corridor yet again. You make your way home in silence.

You dream that night of soft lips on your cheek, softer hands roaming your body. The softness morphs and distorts, growing larger and more ragged. Rough hands drag along you, and the scruff of a beard scratches your face as a kiss too delicate to be real comes impossibly close to your mouth.

You wake in a sweat, heat pulsing through your veins and your cunt throbbing between your legs.

You'd come in your sleep to nothing but desperate thoughts of a kiss you'd never had.

next part

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #pedro pascal characters #joel miller/reader #joel miller x you #tess servopoulos #joel miller x reader x tess servopoulos #fic: SWAT #coveted fics

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samandcolbyownme · 4 months ago

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HEYYY love ur writing more than anything and was wondering if you could do a johnnie smut or like a jake and johnnie one?? if not another S&C one would be great. ur a godsend ❤️

Summary: “Frontman Vic Fuentes explained the song's meaning. “It's a love song to my girl about ignoring all the internet hate we got when we first started dating and focusing on each other instead."”

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, swearing, referring to hate/hate comments etc, breakup up (kinda), cigarettes, kinda sad at first ngl but I’ll make it up to you, kissing, hair pulling, cute and sensual unprotected sex, creampie, fluffy filth

Word Count: little over 2k | unedited

I know this fic in particular is fiction, but in reality, there’s absolutely no need for hate towards anyone’s significant other.

You pulled your hand away from the door handle, taking a deep breath to calm your nerves. You were shaking, you couldn’t help that no matter how hard you tried.

As you go to finally open the door, Johnnie pulls it open, “Hey, baby.” He pulls you into his arms, holding you tight as you break down.

The hate you’ve been receiving lately has been really getting to you.

You didn’t understand. Everyone loved you before anything was even confirmed, you didn’t know where you went wrong.

“I-I..” you gasp out, and Johnnie shakes his head, “Don’t. Don’t do that.” He closes the door and leans back, “Don’t apologize to me for how you feel.”

He brushes hair from your face and as soon as you look up at him, his face falls and you close your eyes, hanging your head.

“No, y/n. We don’t have to do this.” Johnnie goes to cup your cheeks but you push his hands away, “You’re not going to grow if they hate me.”

“So fucking what.” Johnnie scoffs, “You do understand that I care more about you than that channel right?”

You stay silent, set on your decision.

“Y/n.” Johnnie steps clsoeer, “Please, don’t-“ he takes a ragged breath, “Please. Don’t do this. Don’t say what I know you’re about to say.”

“If you know the. I don’t need to say anything else.” You sniffle, shaking your head, “I-I’m sorry.. I just can’t let myself get in between you and your, literal job, Johnnie.”

You step back, reaching for the handle, “I’m sorry. I need..” you try not to cry, “Just give me a few days.”

And with that, you left. Tears stream down your face as Johnnie stands there, watching you walk out of his life.

Or so you thought.

Johnnie wasn’t giving up that easily.

——

You left Johnnie’s around eleven this morning.

It’s now eight at night. The sun has set, leaving you along in the darkness of your fire escape as you sit and smoke the last cigarette you have.

You felt like you gave up too soon, gave up on Johnnie too soon, and that’s what wrecked you the most. Of course, it didn’t hit you until you got home and sat in silence.

You look up at the sky, eyes moving between each star.

“Hey.”

You jump, whipping your head over to see Johnnie standing at your bedroom window, “What are you doing here?” You look away from him, “I told you to give me a few days.”

“I gave you time.” He climbs through the window, moving to sit next to you, “You knew I wouldn’t wait a few days.”

You laugh slightly, tears welling in your eyes as you ash the last of your cigarette before tossing it over the side of the railing, “I just-“

“Don’t. It’s my turn to say something.” Johnnie cuts you off and you nod, motioning out in front of you, “Floors yours.”

“There’s rage is us.” Johnnie starts out, “You can’t pull the plug on us because I’ll keep on shaking and waiting for you.”

“Shaking?” You laugh slightly, “I’m not some drug, Johnnie.”

“But you are, y/n. You literally..” he takes a deep breath, “You’re the epitome of happiness for me, y/n. Without you, I feel like I was hooked on some sort of mind altering drug and I can’t function without you.”

You look down and Johnnie turns towards you, “There’s too much to lose here, y/n. We’ve known each other for so long and we’ve grown into-“

“Painful lust that makes my stomach hurt?”

“What do you mean?” Johnnie shakes his head slightly, “You’re more-“

“I meant like..” you sigh, “We started hooking up, and obviously it grew into more and maybe we should have just kept it at that. No feelings. No one being pissed off that you’re dating me?” You scoff, voice breaking, “I ju-“

“You knew our relationship wasn’t going to be just a happy vacation, y/n. You told me that, do you remember? You told me that-“

“I’ll stick with you through everything.” You look over at him and he shrugs, “So what? There’s no motivation to stay in this together? To hold me up when I need you? Or me to hold you up? You know I’d do anything for you, y/n.”

You grab your cigarette pack, letting out a groan when you remember it’s empty. Johnnie reaches into his pocket and hands you his, “Here.”

You take it, pulling one out and lighting it, “Thanks.”

He shakes his head when you go to give the pack back, “Keep it.”

“Should probably quit.” You mumble as you bring it to your lips. Johnnie chuckles, reaching over to take one out and you hand him your lighter.

“We could fake our own deaths.”

You look over at Johnnie, “We can what?”

“Think about it y/n. You said you wanna chase the moon like fire. So we can fake our own deaths and just go live in the woods or something.”

You laugh slightly, “You’re insane, Johnnie, we can just-“

“Do you remember when you got kicked out of your one apartment? Had to sleep in your car?”

You roll your eyes, “I don’t need to be reminded of that.”

“No listen. You didn’t want to just move in with me, so we’d just hang out together. You’d roll the windows down, and we’d pretend we were sitting at the beach. It was enough to believe that your life didn’t get turned upside down.” Johnnie slides his hand over to your free hand as he takes a drag of his cigarette.

“What are you trying to say?” You look over at his hand on yours and up to his face. He blows out the smoke, “I’m saying that we can make the best out of any situation.”

“I don’t know how we can make the best out of your channel going to hell because of me.” You pull your hand away, flicking your cigarette before you climb back into your bedroom.

Johnnie is quick to follow your actions, grabbing your arms and spinning you around, “listen, I’m just a stupid motherfucker and I wish I could figure out how to get everyone to understand that I don’t want you to go anywhere.”

He reaches up to gently brush his thumb over your cheek, “I want to breathe in your rush. Y/n, I want to leap when you tell me to fly.”

You lay your hand on his cheek, “Johnnie.”,

“Darling I-“ Johnnie sighs, “I don’t mean to beg it’s just that the thorns on the stem of you potentially leaving me..” he shakes his head, “It feels like it’s tearing up my skin.”

You blink, tears fall and Johnnie’s follow, “Please.” He whispers, leaning in to rest his forehead on yours, “I just want to be alone and watch as they all just disappear.”

You lay your hands on his neck, sniffling as you tilt your head up to press your lips into his. His grip tightens on your face as he pulls you in closer.

He backs you up to your bed, watching as you sit down and lift your shirt up over your head, “I want you in every way possible, Johnnie.”

He nods, moving to push you back gently as his lips find yours.

“Just close your eyes.” He kisses down your neck, “Just picture you and I.” He kisses back up, “Well sell daylight for gasoline.”

He leans his head back, “Just you and me. We can go wherever you want.”

You reach up, running your hand through his hair, “You mean that?”

He nods.

“Prove it.”

Johnnie sits up, taking off his jacket and shirt before leaning down to kiss you. Everything is slow, but so full of passion. He reaches down, pushing down your sweats and you kick them off.

He stands up, taking off the rest of his cltohes before his body is against yours under the blankets. His hand travels up and down your side, landing on your cheek as your hand slides down his chest.

He rolls over, the tip of his cock brushes against where you need him most.

You slide your hands up his arms, hooking one around his neck as he leans down and slides into you.

You moan loudly, eyes closing tight, “Fuck.”

Johnnie groans, “You feel so good, baby.” He kisses your shoulder and up your neck to your lips. He groans lowly as you gasp, moaning out as he starts to slowly thrust.

You tighten your legs around his waist, “I love you. I’m so-sorry.” Your voice breaks and Johnnie shakes his head, pecking your lips, “Don’t. Just don’t think about that.”

“Think about us. Just us. No one matters but you and me.”

“I only want you.”

“You’re all that matters to me.”

“Fuck, y/n. I love you.”

You squeeze his cock, moaning out as your back arches off the bed. Johnnie guides you through your high, moaning lowly in your ear, “I want you for the rest of my life.”

“Johnnie.” You whimper out, “I love you.” You kiss his lips, moaning into his mouth, “I love you.”

He brushes hair from your face, propping himself up on his elbow, “You’re so beautiful.” He presses a kiss to your forehead, “I love you. So much, you don’t even know.”

You pull him in for a kiss, sitting up and laying a hand on his chest. He rolls over and you follow, straddling him and allowing his cock to slip back into you.

You slowly make out as you roll your hips. His hands slide down to grip your sides, “Doin’ so good.” He smiles up at you, watching your face twist with pleasure, “My fuckin’ girl.”

He pulls you down, lips attaching to yours, “where do you want me to-“

You push your hips down onto him, “I said I want all of you.”

He nods, “You sure?”

You nod, rolling off of him, “Yes.”

With that knowledge, Johnnie wasn’t lasting much longer, “Fuck, okay.” He groans as he slips himself back into you.

His lips find yours and your hands find his hair, tangling it around your fingers, “Don’t ever let me leave like that again.”

“You don’t have to worry about that.” Johnnie kisses down your neck as his thrusts grow sloppy, “Fuck.”

You gasp as you feel his cock twitch inside of you, moaning out at the thought of him filling you with everything he has, “Shit.” You pull him in, attacking his lips with yours until you feel him slip out.

He lays next to you, bringing the blanket up around you both, “I’m serious about it being just us. Maybe not the whole faking our death shit, but everything else.” He looks down at you, “I love you. If you want to go off the grid and scavenge the forests, I’ll be there.”

You laugh slightly, “I have always wanted to go to Rome. Paris. You know, all the pretty cities.”

He shrugs, “which pretty city would would want to go to first?”

You purse your lips, “Probably Rome.”

He smirks, “Rome it is.” He sits up and you follow, “Where are you going?”

He walks around to get his phone from his jeans pocket, “I’m going to Rome and if you want, you can come with.”

“Johnnie, you don’t h-“

“Just let it happen.” He bends down to kiss you, “But first.. I’m just going to..”

He sits down on the bed and you bite your lip as you watch him type out a tweet.

——

Thank you so much for reading. I love you so much and as always, I’ll see you in the next one!

Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated!

#samandcolby-ownme #Johnnie Guilbert #Johnnie Guilbert smut #Johnnie Guilbert one shot #johnnie guilbert fluff #johnnie guilbert one shots #Johnnie Guilbert x reader #johnnie guilbert x y/n #Johnnie Guilbert x you #johnnie guilbert x reader fluff #johnnie guilbert x reader smut #floral and fading #floral and fading ptv #ptv #ptv floral and fading #ptv inspired #inspired by music

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harleehazbinfics · 9 months ago

Text

Home is where my heart is.

Chapter 5: Happy Hotel Table of Contents | Profile

Word Count: 2032

“—so ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of his kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!”

I give an amused hum looking at the TV then commenting, “Well, isn’t that something, hun?”

“Indeed so. How about we introduce ourselves later, sweetheart?” he mentions somewhat mysteriously holding the small of my back.

“Wow, look at you, perking up all of a sudden,” I said looking at him surprised, but he just raises an eyebrow at me, I shrugged and continued, “Well, you know. You just seem so disinterested in these matters concerning others, especially angels before.”

He laughs and replies, “Well, over the years of toppling overlords, angels seem to be the most troublesome bunch for now. Not to say I’d lose to those pesky flies from heaven.”

I nodded my head finding reason in his explanation. “That’s fair enough. Though, things have changed since you’ve been gone, Al. Even I’m attending those annoying meetings for you,” I complained.

“I apologize, my dear,” he coddled, “I know how fussy you get when you go for long without me.”

I gasped dramatically hand over my chest, “Me? Fussy? Should I mention that you would literally drag down a person that was just talking to me?”

“Oh, please. He was very clearly trying to hit on you, and you’re too nice to even turn them down, sweetheart,” he rebuts rolling his eyes.

“I could’ve handled it myself,” I harrumphed cheekily turning my cheek at him.

“Of course you would have, my darling,” he dismisses me playfully.

I scrunched my face at him which he only responded with a pinch on my nose playfully with a genuine smile on his face. I turn to face some demons who were charging at us, no doubt some of Mammon’s goons who accepted the job for some drugs, I sighed and waved my hand over their figures and watched as water appears and jets them off to the side. Tightening my hands into a fist encasing them in water to drown in, leaving them there.

“See. Very powerful,” I told my husband gesturing at the drowning fools that stopped releasing water bubbles from their mouth.

“Seems like you’ve also been busy for these 7 years apart,” he mentions.

“I’d rather not talk about it,” I glared off the side annoyed.

We appeared on the hill where this hotel that the princess of hell advertised earlier. My heart clenched when I hear her trying to call her mom wondering if Abby did as much when I disappeared so suddenly. She goes inside without noticing us.

Al, being the gentleman he was, knocked on the door first.

“Hel—” slam “—oh” slam

“Pff, you scared the poor thing,” I laughed at him crossing my arms. He pinches my cheek then turns back to the door.

“May I speak now?”

“You may,” she elongates crossing her arms trying to be authoritative making me chuckle at how cute she was.

“Alastor! Pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart! Quite the pleasure. This is my wife, Miledy,” he introduced the both of us while he walks right in through the door, and continues rapidly, “Excuse our sudden visit but we saw your fiasco at the picture show, and I just couldn’t resist! What a performance! My I haven’t been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929! Hahaha! So many orphans...”

I raise my eyebrow at him, then realizing he really doesn’t care much for other people’s well-beings if it was our family. I’m pretty sure he misses Abigail to this day.

“Hi, I’m Miledy. Aren’t you the cutest?” I cooed pinching her cheek dotingly. She awkwardly laughs at my actions and waits for me to pull away from which I did, seeing how polite the daughter of hell is. “Sorry about him.”

“Stop. Right. There!” a spear pointed at Alastor making both Charlie and I’s eyes widen at the aggression. “I know your game. I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone here! You pompous, cheesy, talk show shit-lord!”

He laughs drily and moves the spear away, “Dear, I wanted to hurt anyone here... I would have done so already.”

They back away frightened at Alastor’s intimidation the room changing, symbols and shadows flickering in the room while his eyes turned into their infamous stare.

“No! I’m here because I wanted to help!” he exclaimed.

“Say what now?” “Huh?”

“Help!”

I let him do his theatrics while I moved around looking at pictures framed on the wall finding many paintings of the Morningstar family, some probably with their close friends, and many posters of Lilith’s shows.

“So, who’s fish breath over here?”

“I beg your pardon?” I turned to the voice and met eyes with a pink spider sinner adapting a very... voluminous form.

“What’s the deal between you and smiles over there?” he asked jabbing his thumb at Al’s direction.

I just smiled at him and said nothing while the little lady asks, “Wait, you’ve never heard of them before? You’ve been here longer than me.” He shrugs making her continue, “The Radio Demon, The Siren? Two of the most powerful being’s hell has ever seen?”

“Eh, not big on politics,” he gives up slumping back on the couch where I sat next to him, much to his comfort.

“Hmm, I’d like to know how the masses see us,” I mused placing my chin on my hand curiously.

She bites back a groan and explains, “Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. He began to topple Overlords who have been dominant for centuries. He and the Siren always worked together, always one without the other. She had the voice that only second to Lilith herself. That kind of raw power had never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast their carnage all throughout Hell just so everyone could witness their ability. Sinners started calling him "The Radio Demon" (as lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world's most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing's for sure: They’re an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can't risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased!”

“Interesting,” I commented with a grin grazing my eyes over at Alastor.

“You done? He looks like a strawberry pimp,” he laughs looking back the pair.

She huffs then crosses her arms and answers, “Well, I don’t trust him!”

“To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?” he chides then laughing making the woman glare at her while I just stared at the both of them, my head resting on both my hands now finding their exchange fun.

I appeared beside Al as he waited for Charlie to decide, “Why are you suddenly invested in the princess?”

He shrugs and gives me a lazy grin and answers, “Well, it seems like fun.”

“Rightt,” I drawled out not asking him further, he may be like this in public, but I know he doesn’t do anything unless it favors him.

“Okay, so, Al. You're sketchy as fuck and you clearly see what I'm trying to do here as a joke.” She pauses, “But, I don't. I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I'm taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no... tricks or voodoo strings attached.”

“So, it's a deal, then?” he offers holding out his hand to take as the room glowed green and wind blowing past us.

“Nope! No shaking! No deals! I... hmm... As princess of Hell and heir to the throne, I, uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel. For as long as you desire,” she orders politely as Alastor fixes up his hair, “Sound fair?”

“Hmm... Fair enough!” He hums as he inspects the room.

“Smile, my dear! You know you're never fully dressed without one!” he teases Vaggie wiggling his finger under her chin to annoy her. “So where is your hotel staff?”

“Uh, well-.”

“Ohohoho, you're going to need more than that,” he remarks walking towards the pink spider, “And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?”

“I can suck your dick!” he offers enthusiastically.

“HAH! No,” Al denies immediately while I gave the spider a harsh glare, a few of my water demons popping out of the ground menacingly making him whimper.

“You know what? I changed my mind!” he states awkwardly trying to save his skin.

“Well, this just won't do!” Al yells summoning his staff, “I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up.”

He conjures up a nice fireplace and lifts up a black blob with a big eye, dropping it to the ground.

“Hi, I'm Niffty! It's nice to meet you! It's been a while since I've made new friends!” he introduces, “Why're you all women? Are there any men here?! I'm sorry, that's rude. Oooh, man! This place is filthy! It really needs a lady's touch! Which is weird because you're all ladies, no offense. Oh, my gosh! This is awful! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!”

When Nifty walks past me I give her a pet on the head with a smile which she enjoyed, as Husker arrives along with a casino table.

“Ah, Husker, my good friend! Glad you could make it!”

“Don't you "Husker" me, you son of a bitch! I was about to win the whole damn pot!” he yells and facepalms when the money disappears.

“Good to see you too!” he replies clearly enjoying annoying Husk.

“What the hell do you want with me this time...?” he sighs defeated.

“My friend, I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that's okay!”

“Are you shittin' me?!”

“Hmm... No, I don't think so!”

“You thought it'd be some kind of big fucking riot just to pull me out of nowhere?! You think I'm some kind of fucking clown?!”

“Maybe!”

“I ain't doing no fucking charity job.”

“Well, I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment!” he says summoning a bar, “With your charming smile and welcoming energy, this job was made for you! Don't worry my friend. I can make this more welcoming! ...If you wish.”

Husk stares at the bottle of cheap booze that Al summoned for him and exclaims, “What? You think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?! ...Well, you can!”

Vaggie starts yelling while gesturing at the bar, “Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! No! No bar, no alcohol! This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of mouth…brothel…man cave!”

Angel lunges at her effectively cutting her of and yells “SHUT UP! SHUT! UP! We are keeping this!”

“So, whaddaya think?” Al asks Charlie.

“This is amazing!” she answers happily rubbing her cheeks.

“It's... okay,” vaggie answers less enthusiastically while her arms crossed.

“Hahaha! This is going to be very entertaining!” Al pulls the three of us in and starts his little parody of the song Charlie sang that we listened to earlier.

“Hah! Well, well, well. Look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet yet again, Alastor!” Sir Pentious greets valiantly making me smile.

Alastor only responds with, “Do I know you?”

He visibly deflates like a balloon and retaliates, “Oh, yes you do! And this time, I have the element of- SURPRISE! Ahaha! I'm so evil!”

With the power in Alastor’s hand he immediately shuts down Sir Pentious’ little parade. Summoning a portal of his black tendrils and smashing the blimp into bits. We watched as it was broken apart and him being thrashed around, making me feel bad for the poor guy.

“...Well, I'm starved! Who wants some Jambalaya? My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for Jambalaya. In fact, it nearly killed her! Hahaha! You could say the kick was right out of Hell! Ohoho, I'm on a roll! Yes, sir! This is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now... Stay tuned…”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin angel dust #hazbin charlie #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin husk #hazbin lucifer #alastor x reader #hazbin vaggie #alastor x oc #hazbin hotel alastor #alastor

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peanutpinet · 3 months ago

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Hello!! I planned to check on your page in hopes to read some old/new fics and I was so glad I came across your recent one!! Thank you for that. I have a request for the mafia fics you make which are just *chef's kiss*

- Could you have Mark x female reader (same age, or the fem a bit younger) where they are both in a higher status who train the recruits and some of them disrespect the girl?

Please take your time- I know writing consistently can be hard (this is actually my second request and I can't wait for what more you have to bring!) Also I love that your fics are angsty but more fluffy which is what makes them great!!

Respect - Mafia! Mark Lee x Trainee! Fem Reader

A/N: hellow anon, I'm so sorry it took me eons to write this fic and am sorry if it didn't live up to your expectation but I hope you still find it enjoyable. I'm sorry to my fellow nctzens that I haven't been posting as well. Life happened and there's so much going around that has overwhelmed me but I'm slowly trying to work my way through the requests. I promise I'm trying to get your requests written!!

Also, your author went into the Love and Deepspace rabbit hole and well, you can probably guess who's my bias (cough*Sylus*cough). I had a thought of making a Jeno (Sylus) fic but we'll see if it'll come through the light of day but for now, I hope you enjoy my first-ever Mark fic on this blog.

Disclaimer: This is also part of the NCT mafia world/fic that I've created. The NCT members portrayed in this fic are not how they are irl. This is a work of FICTION!

Feedback is greatly appreciated!

Warnings: Mark being a mess, chaotic dreamies, mentions of drug, illegal drug selling, stuck-up annoying kid, no blood (for once in an NCT mafia fic), no torture (another surprise). NOT PROOFREAD!

ENJOY!!

“Hey Melk, don’t forget that you have to take charge of today’s recruits” Haechan shouted at what he likes to call, the ‘leader’ of dream

“You do know that I have a lot going around (literally irl as well, praying for Mark)?” Mark replied, as he was finishing some of the paperwork regarding the events from last weekend’s incident

“How’s Jisung holding up?” Mark asked whereas Haechan sighed seeing his hyung always taking care of his younger members rather than resting and taking care of his own health. “He’s doing fine. He actually got together with the girl which I’m not that surprised considering that he would always steal glances at her whenever he spotted her”

“Yo? Really? I never knew that he was close with the other recruits other than Eunji but I’m happy for him” Mark replied, still not looking away from the amount of paperwork

“Okay. That’s it” Haechan groaned and immediately yanked the paperwork away from Mark who was now yelling at him to give it back. “Lee Donghyuck!! Give it back, I swear if you rip it and make me redo the paperwork…”

“Relax, who said that I’m going to do that” Haechan scoffed right as the door to Mark’s office opened and revealed Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun

“Yo Hyung, you looked really….” Jaemin was about to comment when Mark looked up to his younger members who stopped whatever comment they had and instead pitied their leader. “Really tired. Go take a break from all the paperwork, hyung. Just because you’re the leader of dream, doesn’t mean that you should shoulder all the burden on your own” Jaemin continued, taking pity of their leader and grabbed all the paperwork and folders that were scattered all over the desk

“Guys, I’m really fine. It’s not like I’ve never done this before” Mark tried to reason and his members took all the paperwork out of his reach

“Sure you have but we would prefer that you take care of your health for once. I’m going to let Doyoung and Taeyong-hyung that you need a break. When was the last time you had a proper break? Even Haechan got it” Renjun argued, taking his phone out and called Doyoung

Sighing, Mark leaned back on his chair whilst closing his eyes. “Guys, I promise you that I’m not overworking myself, it’s just that I honestly have no idea what to do even if I get the day off”

“Yea, I know, hyung. It’s getting out of hand. No, we need Taeyong-hyung. Okay, okay. Got it, hyung” Renjun got off the phone and Haechan asked if it was Doyoung-hyung. “Is it Doyoung-hyung? What did he say? Do I get the day off as well?”

Slapping Haechan, Renjun shook his head in annoyance. “Like hell you get the day off. You took a whole week off last month if you’ve forgotten about it. Taeyong-hyung is on his way”

Right as Renjun finished, they all heard a knock on the door and Jeno went to open the door to reveal Taeyong who looked like he just got back from a meeting with the fancy suit that he was wearing but his tie was slightly loose.

“Ehem, hyung, you might have gotten something around on your neck” Chenle teased as Taeyong wiped his neck to see a smear lip stain and brushed it off and went towards Mark

“Mark…” Taeyong called out to his younger member who was also a fellow leader

Looking up at his older hyung, Taeyong could see the dark circles that were under his eyes. Mark’s hair was clearly messy and his skin tone looked ashy. Sighing, Taeyong sat across Mark with his desk separating the two leaders. “Mark, you need to rest. I’m sorry I didn’t realise it sooner but I’ll ask the others to handle the paperwork that you were handling and you can have till the weekend off”

Widening his eyes, Mark shot up from his seat and placed his hands on the desk. “B-but Hyung, I swear I’m okay. Plus, I honestly don’t know what to do with my free time anyway. I just feel that just sleeping around would make me feel guilty. I swear I’ll take it easy”

“See, hyung. We think he completely lost it at this point” Haechan teased only to have Mark get up and smack the younger member

“Haechan, Mark” Taeyong mentioned and the two stopped bickering. “Mark, if you feel that you’re slacking off by taking a few days off then why don’t you help teach some classes? It’s been a while since you last taught a class because of your busy schedules”

“Right, there are some new recruits we’ve been eyeing to be part of the new sub-unit” Mark mentioned

Taeyong then slid the tab across the desk towards Mark who took it and looked through the schedules and recruits that they were training. He also had a look at who was the teaching assistant and his eye was caught on a girl. She was a year younger than him and was recruited around the same time as the 00 liners.

“(y/n)” Mark thought to himself

Of course, how could he have forgotten the girl who was impressive enough to be part of the same batch along with Jeno and Jaemin. She was so impressive that she managed to get to a rank just below the official NCT members. She was also the one that helped save Mark back during their early days as recruits when they had to spy on some influential conglomerate who was secretly corrupting their company’s money and was also cheating on their wife and kids.

“Hello?! Earth to Melk? Mork? Mek?” Haechan called out several times before Mark finally snaps back to reality

“H-huh? Sorry. It really has been a while since I’ve trained some recruits or even get into field exercises” Mark mentioned

Taeyong shook his head, chuckling as he got up from his seat. “Well, it’s a good time to get back into it, don’t you think?”

Taeyong patted Mark’s back as he headed towards the door and was about to leave but he stopped and turned to Mark and the dreamies. “By the way, Haechan, you’re not going to get any leaves for the next 4 months because you took a two whole weeks off in the past 2 months. Oh and Mark, be sure to look out for (y/n) and say hello to her for me”

As Taeyong left, the entire dream group went off with one conversation about how Haechan managed to sneak 2 weeks off and the other was teasing Mark about (y/n).

Time Skip to Training Month

The entire month, NCT would always conduct field lessons where the members would be divided into several groups, teach the new recruits of the actual field work then bring some of the new recruits at the end of the month with them for actual field work at where they can go hands on to what the members typically do while also learn where their strong skills are.

Mark was assigned to teach about spying and decoding some of the most basic conversation that could be a potential clue. Going into the class, the entire classroom seemed to still be wild yet he tried to get them to sit back down.

“Class? Yo guys?” Mark called out yet no one seemed to notice him which reminded him a lot of NCT Dream

Sighing, Mark was about to slam something to the desk when (y/n) and other teaching assistants came in, startling the entire classroom. “Attention everyone!” (y/n) shouted, the entire classroom sat down and Mark himself was slightly startled

One of the recruits even accidentally threw an object that was in their hand but Mark caught it right before it hit (y/n)’s face. “Alright, class. Welcome to this month’s field study about stealth and spying. I’ll be your main teacher, Mark. You can Mark me in your memory”

“Mr Mark, are you new here?” one of the recruits asked and Mark chuckled. “No, why?”

“Because it seems that you’re mistaken. Everyone here excels in the class and we’re only here for the action. So when are we going to go out for the real deal” the recruits joked around and (y/n) along with some of the higher ranks were about to stop them but Mark raised his hand, stopping them

“The real deal?” Mark chuckled, standing in front of the desk, putting both his arms on the desk behind him. “Alright then. If you want the real deal then tell me who the imposter is in this room. There’s someone in this room that’s not a recruit”

Immediately the entire classroom was a ruckus. Each of them questioned one another because while they were all recruits, they were all from different batches.

“Umm, sir, this can go on for the whole day if you don’t stop it” (y/n) mentioned as Mark turned to see the girl that he admired growing up to become a well-established woman in the group

“Hello? Mark?” (y/n) snapped her fingers in front of the NCT Dream’s leader’s face which snapped him back to reality. “Right, sorry”

Mark then walked away from the desk and headed to one of the groups that was having a heated conversation and pulled one of the “recruits’” jacket. “Haechan, I told you to stop sneaking in like this. Wait until I tell Taeyong about this”

Haechan who chuckly opened the hood of his hoodie just smiled at the tired Mark and waved at (y/n). “Hi (y/n). It’s been a while hasn’t it?” Haechan stated, skipping towards (y/n) who smiled but shook her head in disbelief. “Should’ve known that it was you, Haechan”

The entire class was in shock that another NCT member was in the room and no one recognised him at all. “Relax, I was just curious about the class you were teaching. Gosh, I knew Taeyong made sure that everyone out there didn’t know our identities but our own recruits not knowing who’s who?” Haechan chuckled, shaking his head as he walked towards the desk in front of the classroom. “Damn, either we’ve become desperate and recruited some unskillful people or they’re too spoiled and entitled to the point that they practically forgot what they’ve been taught, and well, from previous experience, it would be the latter”

Haechan was practically livid as he eyed the recruits. He knew some from training them a while back and he remembered a specific recruit that was so full of himself and one time even mistook his girlfriend for some silly new recruit and even nearly bullied her.

Haechan slowly walked toward one of the recruits, his gaze darkened and despite being around the same height as the recruit, he was still an NCT member. His aura screamed intimidating as if he had done so many bad things which sent the entire class silent. “Wouldn’t you say so, Nicholas?”

“Lee Haechan, I think that’s enough” Mark’s voice echoed through the classroom; it wasn’t a shout but rather a statement. The entire class could only watch two NCT members interact in silence. No one dared to talk to each other until Mark walked towards Haechan, his hand was on the younger member’s shoulder. “Haechan” Mark yanked the younger member and made him turn. “I said enough”

The two NCT members had a stare-off right as the bell rang. Sighing, Mark told the students to be prepared for the next lesson because he was going to bring them for a mini field assessment. “Alright, dismiss everyone”

One by one the students left the classroom along with some of the higher recruits and right as (y/n) was about to leave, Mark decided to ask her a favour. “Hey (y/n), I know that I might be asking a lot but would you mind sending me the entire background information of the students and an overview of what they’ve learned?”

“Sure thing. Anything else that you might need?” (y/n) asked, tilting her head which made Mark stutter a bit. “N-no, that’s all. Thanks (y/n). I appreciate it”

“No worries. I’ll umm, get going and get the things you need ready” (y/n) mentioned and left the classroom to just Mark and Haechan

“Haechan, what were you even trying to do with spying on the class? I didn’t even get to teach anything and…” Mark was starting to complain but Haechan’s serious tone cut him off. “Hyung. You should know that while I’m a prankster at times, I don’t really play around when it comes to work, and let me tell you, that kid, Nicholas, and his gang. There’s something not right about them. They thought my girlfriend was some new recruit and were about to bully her had Jeno not come and stop them”

Hearing Haechan be serious and explain this made Mark let out another long sigh and mess his hair up. “And? You kept an eye on them, right? What did you find, Haechan?”

Haechan looked down, clenching his hands into a fist. “Nothing out of the ordinary just yet but I’m warning you, Hyng. He’s not someone we should leave unwatched” Haechan mentioned as he left Mark in the classroom to think about what just happened.

Over the next course of 3 weeks, Mark has been teaching and training the recruits alongside the higher rankings like (y/n). Occasionally, some of the other members would come around and visit Mark’s lessons and even help teach some of the recruits as well.

By the end of the month, Taeyong had assigned fieldwork for each of the members and the class they were teaching. Mark announced to his class that they were assigned to handle some illegal drug-selling group that was in a college.

“Alright class. There’s a yearly sorority party going at a special location. It’s typically different every year, and the tracing class has already traced their location. Your job is to infiltrate the party and find whoever is selling and retrieving those drugs. Don’t get caught, watch each others’ back. We’ll be close by just in case anything goes wrong. You’ll be separated amongst different teams to infiltrate each party since there are several going around in the town they were assigned to.

Mark watched as the recruits were divided and (y/n) was assigned to be the main leader for the group that had Nicholas which even though throughout the past few weeks, Mark didn’t notice anything, he couldn’t help but feel something not sit right with him that he decided to talk with (y/n) right before her team headed out.

“Hey” Mark called out to (y/n) who turned and looked at Mark. “Oh, Mark, hi. What is it? Is there something wrong?” (y/n) asked

“N-no. Well, just wanted to make sure that you’re alright” Mark mentioned, scratching the back of his neck, making (y/n) chuckle. “I’m okay, Mark. Don’t worry about it. It’s not like they’re in kindergarten where they need to be constantly watched” (y/n) mentioned, making Mark laugh as well

“I know, I know. But you know, they’re still kids. They haven’t gone to the field like we have. This is a good opportunity for them to be exposed and for us to see how serious they are. Also to see who is easily manipulated or not” Mark mentioned, making the hair on the back of (y/n)’s neck stand up

“I, I know, Mark. I know what you mean. Since the incident with Eunji against of the entitled group, it has been part of the program where before their supposed ‘graduation’, they would be sent to the field to deal with real-life problems” (y/n) replied and Mark knew the incident she was talking about

“I know that incident too. Just, be careful alright? If anything happens, just call us” Mark mentioned as (y/n) nodded and left along with the rest of the group for the recruits’ annual field mission

Mark’s POV

It was a little past 1 am and almost 6 hours since the group left yet there really hadn’t been any major updates regarding the issue and I’m starting to grow worry. “Yo Hyung, are you working overtime again?” I heard Renjun mention, coming into my office

“Not exactly overtime if I’m waiting until the class has all come back” I mentioned as Renjun shook his head whereas the rest of the dreamies came into my office

“Are you sure you’re just waiting for the class or waiting for (y/n)?” Haechan teased which made me throw the nearest object towards him

“There’s nothing wrong with being worried about a fellow comrade. It’s quite normal. Especially if you have a crush on the person” Jeno followed along with the teasing

The members kept me company for a while until Haechan received a notification from his laptop that the final team, the one (y/n) is supervising was finally done with their task and were heading their way back to the headquarters.

The dreamies and I went towards our HQ’s vehicle building. By the time we arrived, the cars that (y/n) and her team used were already back but instead of hearing some encouraging words or complains about coming back late or something, we heard some arguments between several people.

Your POV

“You seriously going to report us about what we did? I mean we’ve been training at this place for who knows how damn long it has been since we were all brought here. We’re always monitored whenever we leave the base and the one time we get to go out and explore without being monitored, of course, you had to be the responsible one and ruined it” Nicholas complained

Scoffing, I crossed my arms and looked at Nicholas with a sharp gaze, no one else dared to speak up. “Ruined it?! You were the one acting like a brat. It’s as if this place is a prison and you can’t get any social interaction at all. More like, you can’t pull anyone in here so you decided to try and drug that girl at the party”

Nicholas was about to bark back at me but we were all shocked at the next few words that echoed through the place and heavy boots getting closer.

“You tried to do what?!” we heard Mark shout and as I turned around, I saw Mark along with the other Dream members making their way towards us

Instinctively, I lightly bowed at them and explained what happened. “We found who was selling the drugs and traced them back to an old man who was working together with one of the kids. Of course, we’ve handled the situation. We confiscated the drugs and the kids who were selling them then…” before I continued, Mark stopped me and made his way towards Nicholas

“We know what happened (y/n). You gave us constant updates and we already know who was the one actually selling the drugs and all” Haechan explained

“But not about someone, amongst our soon-to-be fresh grads wanting to use those drugs for…” Jeno mentioned but Mark continued. “Personal reasons”

Everyone was silent, I didn’t even dare to say anything. Dream are considered to be the more laid-back group but when it comes to their job, they don’t play around. Especially when it involves illegal things and their reputation being at stake. Yet, this is the first time I’ve seen Mark actually be this intimidating as the leader of NCT Dream.

“Explain yourself” Mark stated, his eyes filled with annoyance was bored into Nicholas’ scared ones. “Or would you like to be intimidated by DoJaeJung?”

Dojaejung, another sub-unit of NCT with Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Jungwoo. Though these 3 older NCT members seemed chill, Jungwoo is able to make you rat yourself, twisting your own words. Doyoung’s judging eyes and sharp words are also able to make you cower in fear. Finally, Jaehyun. He might seem the quietest and the one who could care less about anything. But if it involves his members, something that is against the foundation that he along with NCT built, it’s safe to say that you’re better off digging your own grave before facing him.

“N-no Mark, it was just…” Nicholas stuttered. “That’s sir to you. You don’t get to call me by my first name. Not at this very moment”

“Y-yes sir. I was saying that we never meant to harm anyone. We also didn’t harm anyone. We were curious and well we’ve been here practically for a long time and we just wanted to have fun had she not act like such an entitled person and…”

Without a warning, Mark punched Nicholas to the ground, causing me to gasp and cover my mouth Haechan chuckled then both Jeno and Jaemin each grabbed Nicholas’ arm, forcing him to look up at Mark. “You don’t get to say that about her. She’s doing her job. If she hadn’t been there to stop you. Graduating from here should be the least of your worries at this point. Once the whole of NCT finds out what you and some of you tried to pull out there which let me tell you from experience” Mark chuckled, his gaze was sharp

“Taeyong always knows everything. If you think you can think ahead and try to cover up whatever evidence you have. Taeyong will already have backups on backups. Evidence after evidence. Witnesses ready. If I were you, I’d start practicing begging to be spared. Now go back to your dorms. We’ll talk more about your stunt and give you a proper teaching of respect”

A/N: thank you once again for requesting this fic, anon and I hope you and everyone enjoyed reading this fic! Also if anyone also plays love and deepspace, hit me up :3

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thirdsaltyhunter · 1 year ago

Text

Crawl Home to Her

Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean thinks back on the times he died but found his way home to kiss you

Warning: mentions of death and dying, drinking, talk of alcoholism, cursing, kissing, angst, Dean self hate, takes place in season 10 so spoilers.

A/N: This is inspired by Work Song by Hozier and written in Dean's POV with lyrics acting as Dean's thoughts, lyrics in italics. NOT PROOFREAD ALL MISTAKES ARE MY OWN

Dean's POV

I don't want to get out of bed. I couldn't have woken up more than three minutes ago, but I'm so tired. Though that's been a pretty consistent occurrence for most of my life. I'd have a hard time remembering the last time I woke up feeling rested, and to make it worse, these past few months- few years, have been grueling. Hell, in the past few months I inherited the Mark of Cain, died and came back as a demon; I don't know how much more I can take. I want this to be over, but it's not, it's never over. The Mark still on my arm is a reminder of that. I'm glad I have Y/N, I don't think I could go through all of this alone. She's still with me even after everything. She makes it all worth it.

Boys workin' on empty

Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat?

I just think about my baby

I'm so full of love I could barely eat

As if she could hear me thinking about her she emerged through our bedroom door with a smile that always seems to melt away my worries and two mugs of coffee in hand. That explains why she wasn't lying next to me when I woke up. I release the breath I've been unconsciously holding since waking to find her not beside me. "Good morning my love" she says softly, handing me one of the mugs and sitting next to me on the bed. "Mornin' sweetheart". She cups my face and kisses me, soft and sweet. I kiss her back, with a wanting for something I don't deserve.

There's nothing sweeter than my baby

I'd never want once front he cherry tree

'Cause my baby's sweet as can be.

She give me toothaches just from kissin' me

It's still hard believing that all this is real. I was supposed to be dead. I did die. Yet here I am, waking up another morning, another morning with her. I remember hearing her when I was fading from the stab wound. I heard her begging me to stay with her and it made me fight. Evidently I wasn't strong enough to win the initial struggle against death, but I made it out alive and came home to her. Despite how ugly the road back was.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

I think back to before we were together, back to when I came back after getting dragged to Hell. I wanted to shut everyone out, even her, and bury myself in a new grave of alcohol and guilt. Sam and Bobby had tried to get me to open up, tried to get me to talk about the literal Hell I had been through, Y/N never did. She somehow always knew when to push and when I needed to be left alone. So many nights I stayed awake, unable to sleep through the waves of guilt. Guilt over what I did in Hell, what I put Sam, Y/N and Bobby through, guilt for leaving them. My mind was so loud these nights, I drank until I blacked out. It was after one of these nights that I had woken up with a killer hangover in the bedroom that she usually slept in at Bobby's. Incomplete glimpses from the night before flashed through my head. Remembering how Y/N had found me in my drunken stupor and hauled me up from my seat at the kitchen table. How she managed to get me up the stairs and into bed by herself is beyond me, but I've learned over the years of knowing her, to not underestimate what she's capable of.

Boys, when my baby found me

I was three days on a drunken sin

I woke with her walls around me

Nothin' in her room but an empty crib

I had drug myself out of bed and wandered downstairs, unconsciously searching for her. I found her curled up asleep on the worn out sofa in the library. A new wave of guilt washed over me. I hadn't even pulled my head out of my ass long enough to ask her how she was, and now she had gone out of her way, given up her bed, so I could be comfortable. I didn't deserve her. That's why I kept my feelings for her to myself for so many years. I moved past her to the kitchen quietly, as to not wake her. I wanted to have a pot of coffee ready for her when she woke up, it was the least I could do. I was going to bring her a cup but she heard me moving around in the kitchen before the pot was even done brewing. "Hey" I saw her rubbing the sleep out of her eyes, her hair disheveled. My heart swelled at how cute I thought she was when she was like this, though I would never tell her that. Not only because I thought it might ruin our friendship, but also because she would probably stab me for calling her cute. "Hey" she responded, voice still thick with sleep. "You want a cup of coffee? ", I asked as I poured a cup for her, already knowing what her answer would be. "Please", she said with a tired smile. That morning over coffee I had told her some of what I went through in Hell, that I had broken and tortured souls. She listened, without judgment, without fear and without asking questions I didn't feel like answering at the moment. The fact the she didn't push me made me comfortable to tell her everything.

And I was burnin' up a fever

I didn't care much how long I live

But I swear I thought I dreamed her

She never asked me once about the wrong I did

And now almost 6 years later, I'm still doing the same thing. I put her through all that again. I made a stupid decision that got me dead but I made it back, only to try and shut her out. But now that we're together I know she's not going to let me do that and I'm too tired and I love her too much to fight her, even though everything in me is telling me to stay away from her. I don't know how she can even look at me let alone still be with me. I tried to kill her and Sam when I was a demon and there's more terrible things I did that she doesn't even know about, though I'm pretty sure she knows and isn't telling me. After her and Sam cured me, I tried to keep her at arms distance, tried to tell her the list of reasons why she shouldn't want me anymore. How could anyone forgive me after everything I did. But she took me into her arms and kept telling me it wasn't really me, that her and Sam still love me and all that matters is that she has me back.

My baby never fret none

About what my hands and my body done

If the Lord dont forgive me

I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

She spent all of last night kissing away my pain. I want to take away her pain too. I set my coffee on the nightstand and reach over to take her cup too, setting it beside mine. "What'cha doin'" she looked confused until I turned back, grabbing her and pulling her to lay with me. "Fixing it", I whispered, knowing it wasn't an answer that made sense, but I was going to kiss her until it fixed her broken heart. I moved to hover over her and just looked at her, holding her face in my hands. Even in the low light of the early morning, she's still breathtakingly gorgeous. She pulls me down to kiss her and I get the feeling she knows what I'm trying to do. I pour everything I'm feeling into kissing her, how sorry I am for leaving her, for all the heartache it caused her. I don't think I'll ever erase from my mind, the sound of her crying as I was dying. The memory has me blinking back tears. I turn to hide my face in her neck and trail kisses along her shoulder. Her arms wrap around my back and I can't help but melt into her, breathing in the scent of her perfume. The weight is off my shoulders for once, I can breathe easier, and nothing matters outside of us.

When I was kissing on my baby

And she put her love down soft and sweet

In the low lamplight I was free

Heaven and Hell were words to me

It's moments like these that make me fight so hard. Fight to be better, do better. Fight for her and fight to stay with her. I roll over onto my back, pulling her with me to lay her head on my chest. "I promise that no matter what happens I'll alway find a way back to you". It was a promise I was making to myself as much as it was to her, and I intended to keep it.

When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth

No grave can hold my body down

I'll crawl home to her

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfiction #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfiction #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fluff #dean x reader #spn #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x female!reader #dean x you #dean x y/n

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whumpshaped · 1 year ago

Note

whumpee being taken off of feel good bliss drugs after being rescued but having the potential to such severe withdrawals that the doctors literally prescribe the whumpee with the same drug, just lowering in dosage each time so their body doesn’t go into shock.

caretaker is responsible for administration and whumpee has to deal with the fact that caretaker has to watch them go into the same messed up headspace they were in whilst capture and is ashamed, embarrassed, and mortified

tw bad caretaker/caretaker turned whumper, dubcon drugging (syringe), betrayal, manipulation, gaslighting, addiction

Whumpee couldn’t help squirming when Caretaker walked up to them with the needle. “Do you think– do you think I could start doing it myself? The dosage is pretty low by now, isn’t it?”

Caretaker gave them a sad smile. “I’m sorry, the doctor said it has to be administered by someone else to avoid–”

“Me abusing it. Yeah. I get it.” They shifted again, hesitant to put their arm out. “I just… I wouldn’t do it, you know. And I know how to… to find the vein.”

“Whumpee, it’s okay. Nobody’s judging you.”

“I’m judging me. I hate that you have to see me like this. It’s messed up. It’s embarrassing.”

Caretaker sighed. “I’m sorry. But I don’t find it embarrassing at all, it’s… it’s just medicine, yeah? I’ve never once looked at you and thought– well, anything negative. I hate that you’re going through this, but I’m just happy to be able to help, y’know?”

“Yeah,” they muttered, finally extending an arm so Caretaker could stab them for the hundredth time. “I guess there’s no way around it.”

“This doesn’t change my opinion of you. At all. I love you a lot, and I want to keep you safe.”

Whumpee nodded mutely, watching anxiously as Caretaker took their hand in their own. They couldn’t shake the thought that the substance in the syringe looked… exactly the same as the first day. It looked the same, it wasn’t less, it never felt any different, and it made Whumpee feel like they weren’t making progress at all.

“Can I see the box later?” they asked while Caretaker sanitised the area.

“Hm?”

“The box the meds come in. I’m not asking you to show me the meds, just, just the box– so I know where I am in terms of dosage.”

“Oh, I always throw the box away,” they said with an apologetic look. “I keep them in a different box, so it’s not super easy to spot. Sorry.”

Whumpee swallowed. So there was no way for them to keep track of that either. Great. “It’s fine,” they mumbled.

“You shouldn’t rush it.” They pushed the needle inside, and Whumpee hissed in pain before the feel-good chemicals invaded their mind once again. They could’ve sworn they saw Caretaker smile at the whimper they let out. “It’s doctor’s orders, after all.”

#asks #whump #whump drabble #bad caretaker #caretaker turned whumper #dubcon drugging #betrayal #manipulation #gaslighting #needles #addiction whump

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phoenix--flying · 2 years ago

Text

pjo characters as things my friend group has said

Hazel: I just kinda radiate towards caves

Nico: Breathing has been taken out of Nicos software

Connor: I can speedrun to your house when you're home alone

Cecil: raisins are dehydrated rats

Percy: It's a roller coaster where the only option is to die

Will: I just goooot- my jugular sliced open by a cat

Nico: We're going out tonight and killing all the homophobes. Call it a date

Will: Why am I so much taller then- Oh its cause im standing on a dead body

Connor: You're sooo welcome. I literally did nothing

Hazel: Just because your trash doesn't mean you can't do great things. It's called a trash can not a trash cannot

Piper: Cut my hair, I'll cut your throat

Thalia: Sometimes I do slap kids

Travis: When I grow up I'm gonna be a legal drug dealer

Beckendorf: I’m going to drop kick myself into space

Malcom: Briefly describe three applications that make use of the total eternal reflection of light Connor: The colour seven

Grover: Percys reaching old age, we should put him in a retirement home

Piper: Leo what did you do Leo: I may have burned down an orphanage and it may have spread to this site.

Lou Ellen: Travelling, usually done on the ceiling

Will: Imagine sitting on your couch watching TV and your phone buzzes. Reminder: Breathe

Austin: i just broke an acorn.. panic whY IS THERE AN ACORN IN MY ROOM

Nico: i feel like today happened yesterday and i just slept for all of tomorrow and woke up in the evening

Malcom: yeah i fell down the stairs and broke my spine in 3 places Connor: that's hot

Jason: Nitroglycerin. The forbidden smoothie

Will: I always look like trash. Annabeth: I know that's why I hate looking like trash

Travis: well we only have a few minutes left of class.. y'all wanna watch something explode

Piper: It sounded like you smoked 10 packs of cigarettes and then hit puberty

Jason: Imagine you get fired the day after you die

Nico: My stomach just like...started learning German

Nyssa: Leo if you don't leave, i'm shoving this desk fan up your ass

Jason: I slammed my foot on the accelerator, running multiple red lights at 220km/h, because I wanted to drive safe

Nyssa: When you go through the car wash but you forget the car

Drew: *points at trashcan* That looks like you

Nico: I only want chemistry between me and a coffin

Jake: Gotta put your wheelchair in 4Wheeldrive. Outdoor mode. Off-road mode

Leo: Murder is ok as long as its fine

Percy: Maybe if I fall asleep on my textbook I'll wake up with all the knowledge

Connor: Let's play spin the bottle but it's only you and me

Leo: Now how do we calculate the density if swiss cheese

Clarisse: I have to ask one of the experts Chris: Who are the experts? Clarisse: I don't know

Piper: Your mom is on vacation Leo: well- she's on a permanent vacation

Michael: AYO BITCH YOUR FOODS FLAMIN THE FUCK

Silena: If you're slow I'm a fucking snail

Jason: We need to hold a funeral! Percy: Here comes the bride

Beckendorf: Have you ever died? No??? Well here you go!!! Death simulator. It’s permanent!

*Annabeth and Percy sitting on a bench with drinks and a cop drives by* Percy: What if they thought we were drinking and driving Annabeth: We're not in a car

Will: I'm so smart Nico: Oh my god since when

Piper: *gives Leo a singular goldfish* Piper: Feeding the poor

Lou Ellen: Bless your soul Nico: What soul? Lou Ellen: ...good answer

Sherman: an apple a day keeps the doctor away, and anybody else if you throw it hard enough

Connor: I can see the veins in my eyes

Ellis: Whatever sinks your boat!

Cecil: You can't kill the gays if the gays kill you first

Will: dude sorry there's a knife in your grandma's face it grew wings and flew there :( Cecil: I’m sorry my knife flew out of my hand and slit that guys throat then burned it so he wouldn’t bleed

Silena: *playing Minecraft* I walked into your house and your birds started aggressively dancing at me

Lee: That's just so unfortunate for me. That is just so- oh I died

Percy: Wanna go to Toronto? Why drive just take the Earth Quake on natural disaster

Travis: The roof is just caving in on us it's fine

Michael: My arms are broken, my legs are broken, my lungs are broken, my knees are broken, I got decapitated when I was five

Connor: We're gonna die? No we're gonna beat the speedrun world record

Cecil: Hell to go down I there

Will: Mask to mask resuscitation

Travis: I may or may not have accidentally dropped a match in the building on purpose

Nico: Minecraft but I accidentally sets a school on fire

Percy: Minecraft but I die of hypothermia

Piper: Minecraft but I left my eyes at home

Jake: Minecraft but my legs are broken

Jason: Minecraft but I died

Lou Ellen: Minecraft but we're all gay

Will: If I die the game is homophobic

Cecil: Minecraft but I run my best friend over

Nico: I wanna hit a citizen with a baseball bat

Michael: Hey sir, you have Alzheimer’s. Would you like a side of bronchitis?

Silena: Why can't this be straight? Lee: Because you're not

Lou Ellen: mmmm i love my jesus fish Cecil: bro jesus fish Lou Ellen: ikr, jesus moment

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peanutbutterwrites · 4 months ago

Text

desperation - part two

warnings: drug use, depression, trauma, angst, eluded sexual trauma summary: after the embarrassment that was your first true crush, you realize the truth of people's feelings. the bitch always wins after all. word count: 3.0 k -disclaimer- this is in no way representing people in real life, I respect enhypen as artists and simply wanted to use them in a story. all circumstances are fake.

part one

a/n - sorry this took literally forever. I know it's not super long nor is it the ending that the anon in my ask box asked for, but I just couldn't bring myself to write a happy ending for this one. it just didn't flow well with the characters I had developed and I really love angst for this one. I hope you guys still enjoy this highly anticipated part two and thank you so so much for the support!

THE DAYS FOLLOWING WERE UNEVENTFUL TO SAY THE LEAST. stagnation. that was the only word that could come close to the immobility you found yourself rotting in. phone left unanswered with dozens of text messages and missed calls. ironically, this was the most tangible evidence of attention you could ever remember receiving. you would have been over the moon under any other circumstances, but you had no place for joy in your numb mind.

the only positive that had come out of your horror story was the apparent courage you had gained against mina. though, that perceived courage of you finally ignoring her was better described as an all encompassing apathy you had gained against the world itself. the days and nights melted into each other and even giselle had learned to leave you alone. one person, however, had not.

“hey, what the hell you can’t be in the female dorm!” outcries could be heard from outside your room that you had finally taken full control of. a good thing to note for the future was if you let your side of the room get even more disgusting than giselle kept hers, she would leave in favor of studying in the common space or library.

“whatever, like you’re gonna do anything.” the second voice rang with an ache of familiarity that had you hiding your head further into the covers. the door to your room swung open with protests coming from giselle before a scoff and multiple complaints of disgust rang through. “geeze, how you can live like this I don’t understand.” your comforter was violently tugged and was met with the first signs of life from you in a while, cries of gripe. “oh come on, this is pathetic.” with one large and final tug, the comforter came off with a sweep causing you to whither into yourself. your eyes were shut tight in attempt to block out the very sudden and very bright intrusion of the sunlight. “I’m serious girl, get yourself together.” you peeked your face out to make eye contact with a very irritated looking sunoo.

“huh.” was the only sound that you could produce. you had known of course that that voice could only belong to one person, but the fact that he had come all the way here in person, for you, was still dawning.

“really? huh bitch, what have you been doing?” sunoo said with a scoff. “I think we’re all good and then you don’t text back, or pick up my calls, just leaving us high and dry?” your eyes were wide and unblinking, still putting together than someone was genuinely worried for you. “well?” he crossed his arms and plopped down on the end of your bed, clearly waiting for a response.

“I,” you began, wondering how you were going to explain what happened to sunoo without sounding insane, “I was tired.” you finally settled on, turning back onto your side. sunoo sighed, making his frustration with you apparent, but you still weren’t in the mood to care.

“did something happen? you left really suddenly with only sunghoon that night.” you froze, the embarrassment of your behavior still fresh in your mind. but the embarrassment wasn’t what sunoo was focused on evidently. “OH MY GOSH,” he jumped abruptly, grabbing your shoulders and forcing you upright, “did he hurt you?” the genuine concern in his eyes that you were now forced to look at rocked you. it shocked you to your core and brought forward all the emotions you had been suppressing for an unknown amount of time at this point. to your endless mortification, tears flooded your vision and you clutched sunoo’s arms. “why didn’t you tell me?” you shook your head violently, not caring that you could suddenly see giselle’s presence from this position. you allowed sunoo to hold you and pet your hair, shushing you quietly as he patiently waited for you to finish. “goddamnit, you got me going soft on you now.” you couldn’t help but let out a pitiful laugh and attempt to clean your face of salty tears. “tell me whats going on, now.” you took a deep breath, attempting to explain out loud what had happened.

“it wasn’t sunghoon,” still reeling from sobbing, you had to take another breath, “it was ni-ki.” sunoo’s eyebrows shot up and he froze.

“really? look, I know he’s an asshole, but he’s really not the type to force himself on someone. I’d never doubt you, it just seems out of character.” sunoo explained carefully, as he took a piece of your hair and moved it away from your face.

“no, he didn’t force himself on me.” you explained with some difficulty what you had witnessed between him and mina that night. you had expected sunoo to be there for you instantly, but he was always surprising you after all.

“I’m gonna be honest with you right now,” he said coldly, and you paused uncomfortably, “that’s ridiculous.” your heart and rising hopes dropped immediately.

“you wouldn’t understand.” sunoo let out a boisterous laugh at that making you shrink back into yourself.

“understand why you like to torture yourself? yeah that’s right, I don’t understand that.”

“I can’t control who I like sunoo.”

“that’s a bullshit answer to all this.” you angrily snapped your head to quip a comeback, but the words died in your throat when no anger or harshness was present in sunoo’s appearance at all. “I mean seriously, look around. you’re a mess, your room’s a mess, I had to physically drag you out of bed. I mean come on, have you even been eating?” like a bucket of cold water, you were snapped out of all your fiery emotions. “that’s what I mean. sure I feel bad for you for liking that guy of all people, but the way you handle it is pathetic.” with your mind still moving slowly, most likely due to the lack of nourishment and sleep, sunoo only sighed and began working on your room. he picked up clothes, got laundry together, and even forced giselle to help him collect trash all while you sat on bed. eyes staring forward, unmoving, you allowed your mind to churn while sunoo went on and on with his motivational speech. “you know what, you’re getting out tonight.” your thoughts snapped back to sunoo and your eyes focused once again. you looked around, your room was clean. “just come hang out with us, you need to leave this room.” your eyes remained wandering as you took in the new condition of the dorm room, it hadn’t been this clean since move in day.

“I’m not sure I have a choice.” with that sunoo gave you a sweet and smile and pushed you towards the shower, giving you the time you needed to wash up. it was soothing, taking a hot shower after disregarding that need for a while. it made you feel more human. your hair routine took time, but you did it meticulously for the first time in a while. sunoo watched as you applied your makeup and picked out your outfit silently, he offered words of encouragement and expressed his opinion on different outfits, but that was about it. “you ready?” all you could offer was a nod before you began to follow him, waving a quiet goodbye to giselle.

“where are you going?” you had to admit her voice had a bit of a grip on you. you hadn’t spoken a word to her since the incident. it caused you to pause momentarily before sunoo gripped your arm gently.

“nowhere.” she scoffed.

“what do you mean nowhere?” you took a deep breath before focussing your energy on sunoo’s support.

“it’s none of your business mina. I’m going out, with my friend.” out of the corner of your eye you saw sunoo smile affectionately with approval. mina looked shocked, she had yet to witness this side of you. but you didn’t give her any satisfaction of an apology or any more of your time. grabbing sunoo this time, you pulled him towards the door and signaled it was time to leave. once you had left the dorm completely, you were met with a tight warm hug from sunoo and a warmer feeling in your chest.

------------------------------ + -------------------------------

on the drive to the beach you were apparently going too, you and sunoo sat in silence. you were deep in thought about mina and your friendships in general. at the end of this whole mess, at least you knew you had a friend in sunoo. when you had arrived, there was already a sunset and a bonfire being started in the distance. you could make out the six figures of the other boys, meaning the whole friend group was already here.

“are you sure it’s okay to barge in like this?” sunoo scoffed.

“you aren’t barging in if you’re my friend.” you offered him a small smile and he gave you a pat on the head. making your way to the group, you wiped your sweaty palms on your t-shirt and gulped down the last bit of nervous bile. you could hear tumultuous laughter ringing throughout the beach and couldn’t help but smile when you could distinguish jake’s boyish laughter from the others. the only give away that something had occurred was the slight silence of some of the boys, but most of the excited reactions you got distracted from that. jake, of course, jumped up and tackled you with a large hug.

“where have you been? you disappeared for a minute.” he said, jokingly while punching your shoulder. you laughed a little awkwardly, stating you just fell into a funk. they beckoned you into the circle and brought out beers and blankets. you ended up sitting curled up next to sunoo and jungwon, ni-ki going completely ignored. truthfully, you didn’t know how to handle him. so despite the daggers he was glaring at you, you remained eyes trained on all six other boys. you guys fell into a casual conversation with lots of laughter, save for ni-ki, still sending a stone cold glare your way. you shivered uncomfortably under his gaze, with sunoo noticing.

“you cold?” you couldn’t think of a good alternative, so you nodded in agreeance. sunoo simply opened his blanket and helped scooch you into his lap. shaking away the initial uncomfortableness of the position, you relaxed into him and began to laugh with the other boys again. despite your comfort, ni-ki’s glare continued to to pierce you and make you shift in your seat.

“okay dude, just stop.” everyone went silent as sunoo suddenly interrupted. his voice was irritated and you tensed up immediately, never hearing this tone from sunoo before, even in your dorm room. he glared back at ni-ki and you knew the subject of his sudden outburst.

“something wrong?” he responded with that cocky, deep voice. sunoo scoffed.

“just leave her alone, you got what you wanted didn’t you?” ni-ki took a deep breath out of his cigarette, and kept that cold face. the only sign of movement was his heel unconsciously bouncing on the sand. it unnerved you, but sunoo didn’t seem fazed.

“i'm serious ni-ki, take your problems out on someone else.” he froze at that and instantly put out his cig. he dusted his pants off and stood up quickly, everyone else seemed rooted in place.

“come on.” he said offering his hand to you, but you stayed still. he let out a frustrated huff and grabbed your wrist harshly, hauling you up and out of your seat. sunoo was quick to your aid, but ni-ki brushed him off pulling you farther down the beach and towards the water. the other boys seemed to jump up but were hesitant to do anything to actually stop ni-ki. as he dragged you down the beach, you stumbled behind him kicking up sand and scratching your feet on the occasional rock causing tears to spring to your eyes. finally fed up after minutes of him lugging you around, you yanked your arm out of his hand.

“okay what do you want? what did I ever do to you?”

“what did you do to me?” he asked in a threatening voice. the scene reminded you of a lamb wandering into a wolfs den and had you retreating into yourself. “you exist. that’s enough. the way you walk and talk, like you constantly need validation, don’t you know how infuriating that is for everyone around you?” trying to back away from the harsh words, you moved to get away, but he grabbed both of your forearms and held you tightly in place. “no, you don’t get to ignore this and act like its another thing I’ve done to you. you may have sunoo fooled but I know you. you act like everything is everyone else's fault, when its yours. its your fault.” at this point tears were streaming down your face and hiccups were beginning to get caught in your throat. your biggest fears were being shouted at you and you couldn’t pretend like they didn’t exist.

“why, are you doing this?” you managed to get out between hiccups and sobs. “why waste your energy?”

“see there it is!” he yelled exasperated. “till the very end you’re acting like this is my fault, its yours goddamnit! you make yourself such an easy target, grow up!” at this you completely broke down. sobs racking your body, your knees buckling causing you to fall into the sand and bring ni-ki down with you. snot ran down your nose and your breathing was completely uncontrollable. “hey, hey, hey. I’m sorry. look, it's okay.” his movements switched to frantic and tried to pull you into a hug despite your constant shoving. eventually, he overpowered your weak last bits of strength and wrapped you into his arms forcefully. pinning you to him, he rocked you back and forth and hushed you softly. petting your hair down, he mumbled apologies over and over.

“i’ll make it up to you okay.” your sobs turned into sniffles and you all you were left with was confusion.

“ni-ki” you said softly to make him stop talking. “I just don’t understand, why are you doing this?” at this he froze and you felt his jaw tense up.

“I’ll fuck you okay, will that make you stop?” you twisted in his arms and tried to look at his eyes, but he turned his head quickly and looked out towards the waves instead. “it’s how I know how to make things right okay, so don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry I took my anger out on you, okay?”

“why are you angry?” he ignored you question and tensed his jaw up again instead of responding. “ni-ki, just help me understand.” his head snapped angrily towards you and you watched a flash of anger but also hurt pass through his eyes.

“there’s no point. either fuck me and leave, or just leave.” speechless, you were moving before your brain could comprehend your emotions. shoving him off of you, you jumped up abruptly and walked away, leaving him sitting in the sand. you had finally realized, none of it actually mattered. you could be as sweet as possible and still no one would like you. you could try as hard as you wanted to make everyone happy, but in reality everyone, including you, hated you. as you made your way back to the group, tears were still wet on your face but anger and understanding solidified your decision.

“hey, you okay?” sunoo was the first to ask, but you ignored in favor of grabbing your stuff and forcing his car keys into his hand.

“take me home now or I’m driving your car.” shocked, sunoo jumped to run after you as you stormed away and unlocked the car. jumping in, you turned to him.

“you know what, I’m tired of being fucking quiet. It’s better to just run my mouth like mina and be a bitch, at least people shut the fuck up then.” quietly, stunned, sunoo shifted the car into drive and peeled away from the curb. looking out into the almost completely snuffed out sun, your mind was made up.

so what if you aren’t special, just act like it.

#enhypen #ni ki #ni ki x you #enhypen x you #enhypen niki #enhypen x reader #enhypen imagines #ni ki imagines #angst #gross reader #x reader #reader insert

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intheholler · 3 months ago

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Do you have any tips for being more comfortable using your natural accent in front of people? I was bullied for it as a kid and scrubbed my accent away through teenhood. As an adult, I feel like I still have to put on a neutral accent so people at work won't judge me. I told one of my old bosses that I was from Appalachia and he went on about how he'd seen do many documentaries on Appalachia and what good people we were, but also added that "Wow! I never would have known. You don't have an accent at all. You're so well-spoken!" and it felt bad. I think he had good intentions, but it made me feel like a zoo animal. I always see comments on other Appalachian folks' posts about their accents too, and there's always a handful of jerks who have to say something about their intelligence or make an incest or drug addict "joke".

It all hurts a lot and makes me self-conscious, but I don't want to be this way around my friends. Do you know how I can stop letting peoples' ignorance and classism get to me? Worrying about how I pronounce words or if I'm using region-specific slang all the time is so exhausting.

hi there <3 this is a topic near n dear to my heart because i spent so much of my life trying to avoid sounding appalachian, and the last few years of it desperate to sound so aggressively appalachian that yankees can't understand me, lmao.

that is all to say: this is gonna be long as usual.

first: class solidarity, family <3 this stuff really sucks.

what inspired me to push past the discomfort of using my natural accent after a lifetime of getting rid of it was actually along the lines of what you mentioned: people being shocked that i could be from appalachia, and be articulate at the same time. there are so many nasty, hurtful implications there.

i hate to say it, but there's no easy answer to this.

something in me just… snapped one day about ten years back. i started to look inward, and i discovered this overwhelming pride and passion and love for my home that i had denied myself my whole life, out of fear over how it made me look.

i started doing the self-work and digging deeper into that. it wasn't comfortable, but once i embraced appalachia, i wanted to defend her. the best way to do that for me was to be loud. my pride in where im from outweighed the rest.

maybe you should start there, too. look inward, break down your own subconscious biases about yourself and about our home. find out why you have been made to think this way.

work on loving the appalachian parts of yourself. GET. FUCKING. ANGRY. at those who poisoned your mind with this shit, and use that fury to work on dismantling the beliefs they imposed upon you.

because why shouldn't we talk like our mamas just because some asshole thinks its funny? why should we give up ties to our community and culture, just to be respected? why should every blessed conversation be emotionally and physically taxing just to make a classist more comfortable?

it isn't my shame to carry, and it isn't yours. it is their shame, and their self-work to do. it is not our responsibility to coddle their ignorance. that is on them.

now, when someone hears me talk, it causes a sort of dissonance that they then have to wrestle with. it shifts the discomfort and emotional labor away from me, and puts it on to them instead.

every time i speak proudly, they have to confront themselves and their biases, and how it harms someone that they respect--you.

and if they aren't the kind of person empathetic enough to do that, literally who gives a shit what someone like that thinks about you.

turn those 'jokes' they make about it right back on them:

why is drug addiction funny? why is incest and sexual assault of children funny? why are underfunded schools and a failure to give children across the nation a fair and equal education something to laugh about?

framing it in my mind that i was taking back control in conversations this way helped me speak more comfortably. it made me feel empowered.

i think of it like this: by speaking in my dialect and embodying positive and "unexpected" traits from the region (leftist politics, anti-racism, things like that), i reclaim my power. i use that power to slowly shift the opinions of appalachia with the people i interact with.

it was scary, and it's still scary. but by making a conscious decision every day to speak in our dialect and be courageous even when it's hard, we are reclaiming the parts of ourselves that they took from us. we are bettering the image of the region we love so dearly.

it is INCREDIBLY empowering now to settle into my accent. but it took a LOT of self-work, courage and self-respect to be able to do it.

it ain't easy. i do still struggle with it; i catch myself code switching all the time. i don't think you or me or any of us trying to reclaim our accents will ever fully escape the weight of the classism that dictated our manner of speaking for a huge chunk of our lives, unfortunately.

but if you do that difficult work, it is so, so liberating, family.

you can do it. talk to yourself when you're home alone. let the accent get comfortable again on your tongue. start there, then let that beautiful dialect out for the world to hear <3

#yall come back now queue hear?#appalachian dialect #classism #appalachia #appalachian #tw drug addiction #cw drug addiction #cw incest #tw incest #asks

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rreskk · 1 year ago

Note

Hello mother of Trevor smut!

Do you write for Michael? And if so... I am in dire need of Micheal fucking reader in front of Trevor (reader is dating Trevor) and reader moans Michaels name so Uncle T gets mad.

Thank you!! -Anon

A good old angsty- drama AND smutty fanfic??? Yes!

Summary: His best-friend made you feel way better... And he hated it.

TW: -Smut -Drug use

Pairings: Fem!reader/ Michael Townley (slight /Trevor Philips as well)

Word count: 2226

Back in the North Yankton days, it wasn’t uncommon for the boys to share girls for good sex. You’ve seen it yourself when chilling in their motel rooms. While you and Trevor would share smokes and watch crappy movies through this static TV, Michael (or Brad) would have this prostitute in the background, fucking her pussy stupid. They’d take turns as well.

It was hard to get used to considering you’ve never seen people so open and shameless about their sex addictions. Even Trevor’s sex-drive was a complete shock to you after every night of sex, he’d wake up horny still. You were constantly bouncing on his dick whenever he wasn’t hiding from authorities or doing God knows what with Mikey and Brad.

However, this one night had changed everything.

Trevor had brought you along to this fairly cheap, shitty motel room. It was in the middle of nowhere. Literally.

“Bro, I’m telling you,” Brad was in a middle of an argument with Trevor, “I’m looking at this fucking map and there’s no booze store or strip-joint nearby.”

You were holding both yours and Trevor’s rucksacks as they continued to bicker heatedly. It was a normal thing.

Michael had sat down beside you with a tired expression. He ogled you for a moment before smiling. Your relationship with Mikey was sweet and close. He always looked out for you in such ways that made you feel… Important. Although you loved Trevor, he didn’t have that “boyfriend material” to him. Unlike Michael. He was pure “husband material” from the way he’d help clean all your clothes, protect you from Trevor’s occasional tantrums, drive you places, steal you period products (etc…)

“You’re a fuckin’ prick!” You heard your boyfriend cry as he’d storm over and snatch his bag from your arms. He hurried through it, pulling out a stash of cocaine and stomping to the small bathroom.

Sometimes… Just sometimes you looked at Michael and wished he was your boyfriend instead.

And sometimes… You think he knows that.

“Great, he’s in a bad mood – “ The bathroom door slammed shut, “… Again.” Mikey muttered.

“He’s a fucking asshole!” Brad attempted to correct Michael’s vocabulary.

“He’s not that bad.”

“Don’t lie to yourself, [y/n]. You deserve better.”

You sighed. Michael was right.

“I’d get myself a proper man, if I were you.” Remarked Brad who kept his concentration on the small map provided by the motel.

“He is nicer when we are alone.” You tried to comfort yourself.

“Really?”

“Yeah. We cuddle, watch movies together… And, uh… We do other things as well – “

“Have sex, yeah. We know,” Mikey exhaled, “Trevor tells us everything.”

“He does?” You felt your heart ache a little bit. Your nights alone together, you thought it was romantic and sentimental. Now you’re realising that he sees as nothing but a stress relief.

“Yes. Is date nights really just blowjobs and handjobs?” He’d ask.

Being honest was painful. When you nodded, it was basically telling Mikey and Brad that Trevor ain’t worth shit.

“I don’t suppose you know if he actually… Loves me, right?”

Michael was hesitant but kept his composure.

“He does love you. He just struggles with expressing it,” He’d tried to explain, “He does think of you a lot, trust me. He knows he ain’t the model boyfriend, but he can’t help it.”

“Right.”

“He’s a bit loco, [y/n].” Brad whistled.

“Listen, [y/n]… I know it’s hard being around him. I mean, I’ve known the dickhead for years and he’s always been pretty manic.” Michael was sitting close to you at this point.

“Well, yeah, he’s literally snorting coke right no – “

“Brad, shut up!” Mikey groaned, his hand hesitantly touching your thigh as he returned his attention to you.

“He’s emotionally unstable.” You’d whisper.

“Very…”

Silence overcame you both. Your eyes drifted to his hand-placements, finding yourself happy when he fondled your legs and sit as close as he could. When making eye-contact, you both smiled warmly.

“I still can’t believe that lucky bastard managed to charm you.” He’d whisper before leaning close, sight fixating on your lips.

You had the temptation for a while, now it was within your reach. The risk… He was only in the other room filling himself with every drug imaginable. You hoped if he was to see this, he’d be too high to see or function.

Bradley noticed the increased tension of you both and sucked in his lips. He decided – last minute – to turn his back and “pretend” he wasn’t aware of what was going on (a cowardice action to avoid confrontation since… He didn’t want to be the target of any fury).

Then he heard shifting on the other bed and cringed. Trevor’s totally going to kill Michael.

You were lying under him as he leaned closer before your lips touched. Your hands touched his shaved head, clasping his jacket, feeling his jaw when you both grew very indulged throughout the kiss.

Michael would continuously peer over his shoulder before you both began stripping clothes. He was anxious as well, you could tell. You didn’t want this to disturb his performance so you guided his lips against your neck and begged him to carry on. He was quick to react and made love to every inch of your exposed skin until you were a hopeless mess.

“You don’t want him to hear…” Mikey murmured in your ear, his hands removing your shirt and bra.

“Guys, c’mon… If you’re gonna fuck, I ain’t gonna stay around!” You heard Bradley murmur as he stumbled out of the motel room.

“Good riddance.” Michael’s voice rumbled against your neck, his tongue leaving trails of his saliva, reaching your collarbone and lower.

No matter how good it felt, each moan shook with guilt. He was only in the other room, you boyfriend, well… Unconfirmed boyfriend (thanks to his possessiveness), and now you were getting freaky with his best friend.

“Oh, fuck – “ You’d struggle when he kissed down your stomach.

Then a deep ruckus occurred in the bathroom, the sound of things being dropped and whatnot. It was followed by a deep, slurred voice (after the digestion of cocaine).

“Baaaabbeeee!” Trevor called from behind the closed door, “Where’s my fuckin’… Lighter? It ain’t in my fuckin’ bag!”

Mikey froze and gazed up at you. He mouthed something but you were too busy panicking.

“[y/n]? Answer me, baby! I want to have my weed!”

“I- I think… I think it’s, uh…”

“Argh, I found it! It was in my fuckin’ hand.” Shouted Trevor as Michael breathed out in relief and continued kissing your tummy pouch and hips.

His lips reached your pantie lines and your hand itched, grabbing the back of his head for support. He’d grunt in response before pulling down your panties and looking up, waiting for your signal.

“What if he…” Your words trailed off when you stared into his blue eyes. It instantly melts you.

“[y/n], it’ll be okay.”

And with that, you nodded and lifted up your hips for him to confiscate your panties. Michael smiled warmly. He threw it aside and hovered over your naked body. He skipped the usual foreplay you were used to with Trevor. It was weird not having him suck your boobs, leave huge marks on your neck, make out until your lips were swollen.

It was refreshing… Yet when he pulled your legs up to line himself with your wet cunt, it was just hard to miss that extra loving.

“Ah, yes!” Your thoughts about Trevor were washed away when Michael pushed into your pussy. He caressed your thighs when thrusting in and out, holding your legs over his shoulders.

“There we go…” His words were comforting and soft, the opposite of him.

“Oh, God… It’s so good, Mikey! – “

You both were unaware of the bathroom door opening. Facing the bed, Trevor’s high-state quickly crashed down. He held the blunt in his mouth and stared at Michael, who was making you moan louder than he’s ever heard.

The betrayal, jealousy. He was ENRAGED.

“Fuck, fuck!” Your whimpers combined with Mikey’s grunts sounded like nails on a chalkboard to Trevor.

The shock he felt made it hard to speak. He just stood there, weak. He let the blunt drop from his mouth as he watched his best friend fuck his girl. Trevor ogled the way your body shook when being fucked. He watched you stare up at Michael with nothing but pure lust and admiration. The jealousy quickened after your moans only increased in pitch.

“Mikey!”

Deciding to make his awareness known, Trevor stepped closer to the bed and make eye-contact with you. You gasped and held your breasts, as if that helped the situation.

“Uh, yeah… Oh, fuck – what? Huh?” Michael noticed your shocked expression before he peered over his shoulder and saw the murderous glare from his best buddy, “Shit, Trevor, bro! – “

“The fuckin’ fuck! Are you fuckin’ my girl, Mikey? What… [y/n]? What the fuck is this!” He’d outrageously shout, eyes burning with Hell.

“Trevor,” You breathed as Mikey continued to thrust despite being caught, “Please, Trevo – Ah! Michael! Yes!” Then he found your G-spot, ruining your chance of an explanation by pathetically moaning his best friends name.

“Sorry, Trevor.” He’d pant through the cycle of hitting your G-spot until you were both on the edge of a good orgasm.

Even though he was completely furious and psychotic, whenever Trevor watched you moan, it was arousing. He held his tongue. He developed a boner, raging like his anger. He wanted to yell, he wanted to punch Mikey, but most of all, he wanted in. He tried to ignore this fantasy by screaming insults at you both.

“YOU ARE BOTH JUDAS!”

Yet it toned down after he couldn’t contain himself. Michael, using his thumb, rubbed your clit as he thrusted deeper and deeper into your pussy. He worked hard to see you so beautifully shaken.

“Mikey! Ah! Yes!” You’d moan unconsciously.

Trevor leaned against the wall, pulling out his erection and rubbing it raw. His glare remained fixated on you. He jacked off to you being fucked stupid dumb. He pleasured himself dry, wishing he was in Michael’s place. The jealousy. He was in anguish knowing that you were receiving the best sex of your life.

“I fuckin’ hate you both.” Trevor growled from the wall, his hand beating his cock until it was bruised and swollen.

“I’M GONNA CUM, MIKEY!”

“I fuckin’… hate you…” Your boyfriends voice turned into harsh whispers as he was intensely motivated on jacking off.

“[y/n]… [y/n]…” Michael breathed and jerked his hips into your, crying out your name. His penis shivered and soon enough, you gasped as you climaxed, cum caking his dick that was begging for disclosure.

“AH! YES!”

He fucked you through the orgasm before pulling out and touching his tip, encouraging his semen to squirt and paint your tummy. He squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled. The climax, for Michael, looked much needed since he stumbled onto his knees and placed a hand on your breast, struggling to breathe.

“Mmm.” Trevor huffed when witnessing the hot-mess. He clawed his cock, even though it was burning with brutality. He whispered your name and when he made eye-contact with your guilty face, his mood grew more hostile and his masturbation got increasingly heavy.

Michael quickly stood up and tucked away his length, deciding that he had tortured his buddy enough. He gave you knowing glance, a signal to maybe… Get dressed and leave the room to give him some space.

“I thought we were done with sharing her. She’s my girl, now.” Trevor grunted at Mikey, his hand suffocating his cock.

“She needed some real love.”

“Fuck you, Mikey. Fuck you. FUCK YOU!”

“Sharing is caring…” Was the last thing he could say before a lamp was thrown his way.

You took that sign and dressed yourself, following Michael’s lead out towards the door before he called your name.

“[y/n]… Don’t fuckin’ leave. We ain’t finished here.”

“Trevor, I’m sorry, I really am – “

“Save it. Just stay here. I ain’t gonna let that cunt touch your pussy again, you hear me?” He hissed.

“I am sorry though.”

“Oh, yeah. You looked it.”

“Trevor – “

“I don’t do forgiveness. You can’t even earn that shit from me. But I’ll get my way.” Words barely made it out clear as he was close to his orgasm as well, masturbating with pure stamina due to the high drugs in his system.

You sighed, shame making you feel sick.

“C’mere…” He’d order.

You hesitantly walked over before he came all into his hands, moaning your name in the process. He made you watch as his dick squirted semen against his shaky palms.

“Yeess…” His groans were low-key, almost sounding angry itself.

Then he wiped all that cum onto your face with a sick grin. He rubbed every inch until you were covered.

“There we go… I feel a tiny bit better…”

It was so warm and sticky. You held back the urge to shiver considering it was overstimulating. Trevor then caressed your bottom lip before he walked past you, his shoulder brushing against yours. He walked out of the motel room in silence and left you to think about what you have done, and what is about to happen next.

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a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire · 8 months ago

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Alright, I took a quick nap and Ive decided that I wanna get the UTM reenactment over with as quickly as possible so Im reading chapter 42 and then I'll reward myself with some pain au chocolats and not thinking about this book for the rest of the day and watching the 2002 takarazuka flower troupe production of elisabeth instead. lets go

Chapter 42

here we fucking go with the illyrian wingspan-dicksize correlation, how would Amren even know that isnt she above sex or something. Honestly, I think Cassian would know wayyyyy more about that. on account of all the gay sex hes having i mean. I thought of that joke and then I realized that you could interpret it to mean that he knows about that because hes illyrian and has a dick, but I want to make it very clear that this is a gay sex joke

how come wings are so sensitive that just barely stroking them makes you moan and shudder but you can still fly with them in harsh winds with no issue. My headcanon is that wings arent actually that sensitive, Rhysand and Cassian are just weirdos with a specific kink

This conversation Feyre and Rhys are having about his wings is so weird, its like dirty and yet uncomfortably clinical

oh Rhysand is quicker than death just fucking kill me, im getting so angry again

Syphons are called 'Trichtersteine' ['funnel stones' or 'funnel gems'] in german which is more accurate to how we're actually told they work imo but it sounds pretty lame

Is it just me or is Rhysand being kinda weirdly paranoid rn. I mean granted, they did just get attacked with ash arrows so maybe hes actually doing a good job for once and Im just biased against him

Okay so we finally get some night court fae wearing white, but of course its not for moon symbolism its so they can blend in with the rock of the mountain because this series does nothing but disappoint me

The Hewn City actually sounds really cool, why couldnt this have been the secret city where we spend most of our time, you couldve made it a whole thing about Feyre healing from her trauma UTM through like, exposure therapy or something idk. That wouldve been neat and dramatic, her healing from her UTM trauma in the place that inspired it with the person that inflicted it. I mean, maybe that would be less healthy and even more controversial than Feysand already is but then you could atleast lean into the dark romance of it

I mightve said this already but you knowwww sjm is NOT a painter and consulted ZERO painters because Ive never heard of anyone think about creating art the way feyre does

and Mor is wearing red AGAIN why would you make this a trigger for Feyre just go back and edit it out its not like it matters

God, the description of her outfit is so deeply discomfortingl like it literally is exactly what she wore while she was being drugged assaulted but atleast they left the bodypaint out this time

"[Keir] looked at my face, then my body. I had thought that he would stare and drool greedily but... there was nothing. No emotion. Just ice cold. Shaking internally, - from anger and revulsion - I followed Mor." Im sorry, is she mad that Keir doesnt find her hot????

Theres something uncomfortable about Feyre referring to Rhysand as 'Mor's Lord' especially when we just had a whole paragraph describing her as a proud and empowered queen

"Usually, one Syphon was enough for an Illyrian to to able to steer his urge to kill down the right path." what???

Now shes describing Azriel as dark and beautiful as death and oughhhhhh i knoww im the only who cares about this and its for a pretty stupid reason but I care a lot and it makes me very angry

Feyre referring to a 19 year old Mor as 'barely more than a child' is weirdddddd

of COURSE hes wearing a black tunic for this, I cant believe this is the guy that the fandom has designated the fashion lover when he has two (2) outfits

Feyre describing Rhysand as sooooo powerful and beautiful with a face of nightmares and dreams makes me want to vomit, but more importantly, it makes me yearn to rewatch the 1996 takarazuka star troupe production of Elisabeth with Asaji Saki as Death who unirionically fits all of Feyres descriptors 1000 times better

Not Rhysand using Feyres Cursebreaker title while hes thoroughly humiliating her

Now Feyre is calling him a god, bro youre not gonna be able to have sex if you jack him off this hard hes gonna be all sore

Imagine being a hewn city noble and you all get together because your high lord wants something from you and youre kinda scared because hes the worst, and then you just have to watch him finger some random lady. and you cant leave because then he'll just kill you

I dont like that this is framed as empowering to Feyre, i think its one thing to write a female character who sexualises herself in order to empower herself but the fact that Feyre is doing this at the behest of Rhys automatically renders it non-empowering to me. Like yeah, she obviously consented to this but it wasnt her idea but this was not her idea and this is not something she usually does, the only times shes been sexualized like this is because it was part of some plan that Rhysand came up with

"[Keir] apparently clung to the power. But Rhys was the power." i hate that that sentence made me think of Keir/Rhysand as a ship why am I so goddamn yaoi-brained. And yeah, i know theyre related but according to Rhys himself, he and Mor are only cousins in the most distant sense, so. Man, that would make the IC dynamics so much more fucked up but also so much funnier

Theyre trying so hard to make this hot n sexy but its just so unappealing and dragged out. Granted, sorry if this is TMI, but I did just jerk off so Im all out of horniness for the next little while so maybe I just dont like this because Im not in the mood but idk. theres something so annoying about this, i think its how over-the-top and artificial Rhysands hotness feels, not to mention the fact that he is absolutely not my type

Imagine being Keir rn, just trying to do your job and tell your high lord everything that he needs to know, meanwhile his high lord is sitting in front of him fondling his new sex slave and you just have to keep a straight face. i mean, he sucks ass so i guess he deserves it but man

Presented to you with no further comment: "My breasts became heavy and full, longing, desiring, just like my crotch."

goddamnit, Rhysand just said that he put Feyre on his leash and then Keir made a kinda slutshame-y remark about her clothes and then I thought Rhys was like "maybe I'll put you on a leash too" but it was Feyre who said that. another loss for big gay incest

"He liked this as little as I did" uhhhhh no offense girlie but you actually seem to be having a pretty great time rn

I dont even know what to say about this part where Feyre is like, detaching herself from her thoughts that are calling her a traitor a liar and a whore ?? I think thats whats happening here?? Like, its trying so hard to be sexy but its invoking the imagery of Feyre's (and even Rhysand's) trauma and its just very strange

It took Rhys a fucking eternity to actually touch her pussy

What if Keir developed a voyerism kink because of this. would that be fucked up or what

Its so weird how Feyre thinks about how maybe Rhysand doesnt like sex or being desirable anymore because of amarantha and that certainly sounds like a trauma response he should have but instead it just never matters

"I had been tortured and tormented but my pain was nothing compared to his." YOU DIED

Oh man I cant believe I completely forgot about the absolutely iconic part where Rhysand gets so mad Keir for calling the woman he introduced as a whore a whore that he telepathically breaks his hand about it

what was the point of doing that, Feyre didnt even seem to like it that much

#anti acotar #anti sjm #anti acomaf #anti rhysand #anti feysand #flames and darkness liveblog

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stonerskinny · 2 months ago

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i’m so upset with myself. i don’t know what i weigh because im too scared to check. i don’t believe that i deserve recovery but i am at my fucking limit with this shit i am so tired and i feel so disgusting all the time and i’ve missed more work than i should have from being sick because i’ve actually been so depressed that i can barely get out of bed. i don’t think this shit will be sustainable through the end of the year but i don’t see any other option. all i can think about is quitting my job and spending all of my money on drugs and just getting high for a while and then offing myself. it’s literally almost all i think about. all day long. i dream about it. i am absolutely fixated on the idea that i cannot continue.

let me walk you through my days. i wake up and get upset immediately because i am still alive. then i think about the fact that my birthday is in t-minus 10 fucking days, and i’m still in the mid 250s when i should be hitting 240 by my birthday at LEAST but ive plateaued for the last month. then i decide i do not deserve to eat, and then i get high and say fuck it and order food to b/p. and then i get higher and doom scroll for hours and debate cleaning but find some excuse (today, it’s that i can’t take out the trash rn because it’s pouring rain, which at least is more valid than usual). and then i debate unaliving until i remember that i promised bestie i would not do that while she was in res, so then i cry about the fact that i can’t do it. and then i get high again and b/p again and then facetime my other bestie until we fall asleep. and then i wake up and get upset because im alive and the whole cycle repeats.

my mental health has declined so intensely over the last week and a half or so and i just don’t know what to do about it. therapist is no longer dangling the idea of res over my head because she’s realizing i am noooooot open to it and thus it will not work. which i am grateful for. but also, can i confess something? i am kind of starting to open up to the idea of it. a little bit. a teeny tiny bit. and i don’t think it will work and i don’t think it will be worth my time but i am starting to wonder if that could be wrong, maybe, and that it could actually be different this time because i just don’t want to do this anymore.

#stonerskinny.txt #tw 3d vent #3ating d1sorder #⭐️rving #⭐️ ing motivation #⭐️vation goals #⭐️ve #starv1ng #starv3 #ed but not ed sheeran #tw ed implied

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carefulfears · 1 year ago

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top ten mulder moments <3

DREAM ASSIGNMENT, UNHINGING MY JAW, ETC. buckle up babes!

1/ oubliette

all of oubliette really but there’s this one moment where he’s in the police station and he’s watching the video of lucy when she was 13 after escaping her kidnapper and she’s writhing around on the floor screaming and she can barely speak full sentences and she’s afraid of the light. and in the present day, she’s an addict living in a halfway house with convictions for drug possession and prostitution.

and he’s watching this tape and scully comes in and he says “it’s amazing she’s gotten anywhere in life” and scully says “by most yardsticks, she hasn’t.”

she has, though. she’s alive and she’s trying and she’s clean and passing her drug tests and she has a job. and that’s how he sees her, and that’s how he treats her throughout the episode. he tells her that she’s “the strong one” and he asks for her help and her opinion, he tells her that he just wants to know what she’s going through. he defends her to law enforcement and believes her when everyone else thinks she’s an accomplice. he weeps over her body when she dies, grieves the loss of her life.

it would be easy for him, as someone whose sister was kidnapped at the same age lucy was, to see her as a nightmare. she’s struggling and she’s traumatized and she’s an addict and a felon. but he doesn’t, he views her as hopeful, and you can tell that he respects her. he views her as having gotten somewhere in life, just because she’s still alive. and that more than anything really means a lot to me.

2/ paper hearts

in paper hearts when they find the 15th victim’s body and they think it’s samantha. and he’s standing there over it, shaking, looking down at what might be his baby sister’s corpse. what might be the end of the road.

and it might all be over, in this moment. he might not be able to search anymore, to hope anymore, to do the only thing he’s ever done every day for 24 years anymore.

and you just feel the crushing weight of it all, and then scully comes in with the lab results and says that it isn’t her. and he just buckles for a moment and takes a breath.

before standing up and saying, “it’s somebody though.”

it’s such a testament to his character to me, that he can’t sit in that relief for even a minute. it might not be his baby sister, but it’s somebody, and he grieves for them.

(not “somebody’s sister/daughter,” but somebody)

3/ one breath

the shot of him crying on the floor of his ransacked apartment.

he was offered a choice between staying there, waiting to see the bad guys, finding the only thing he’s ever wanted, the answers…and going to sit by scully’s hospital bed, when it might be the end.

and he left that apartment and held her hand.

as moving as that scene is, it’s the aftermath that always gets me. it’s the consequences. it’s the price that you pay for choosing to stay soft, the way that mr. x looks at him in this same episode and tells him that he’ll never win, he doesn’t have the heart.

so he walks away from the battle and comes back to the wreckage, and all he can do is sit down on the floor and weep.

(also if i think even a little about him giving scully the superstars of the super bowl tape, i’ll literally make myself ill crying)

4/ sein und zeit

when, after spending the entire episode obsessively insisting to everyone who will listen that the missing little girl is “not dead,” he says that they should just go home.

that they are not going to find those people’s daughter alive, that he is too close to this case to make a sound judgement, and that he wants to take some time away from work.

seven years after scully chased him into the street and yelled for him to “stop running after” samantha, and a day after she followed him into a hallway to tell him to not go looking for something he doesn’t want to find, the person whose “relentlessness” has kept him searching for nearly 30 years, just wants to go home.

he’s depended for so many years on the delusion, on the hope, on the belief that every child to go missing from their home is “not dead.” and now he stares at the ground in front of two people who love him, and admits to being wrong. to needing a break.

it’s one of the saddest moments of the series to me, but there is such an acceptance in admitting defeat, and it’s a subtle precursor to his decision in the following episode that he’s ready to know the truth about what happened to samantha. the delusion isn’t helping anyone. not him, not samantha, not this missing little girl. and it’s devastating and freeing at the same time.

5/ je souhaite

his genie wish. i have the softest spot in my heart for je souhaite mulder okay!! this is the mulder that called the jersey devil “beautiful” and ran through the woods to try to save it. the mulder that couldn’t bear to add to the soul eater monster’s suffering, even when it would’ve saved his own life.

i love that the first thing he does is ask the genie what she would wish for, just because he wants to know. and you can see how much 500 years of being a slave to people’s selfish desires has weighed on her, in the way she tells him that she would just want her days to be her own. to sit and have a cup of coffee.

i love that he tries to win at the genie wish, to save the world. tries to construct the perfect wording and all-encompassing fool-proof plan. throws around words like ending “tyranny.” and in the end, just deletes it all, and wishes for the genie to be free. that ending shot of her, finally her own person for the first time in 500 years, sitting having a cup of coffee, is one of my favorite moments of the series.

i love the lesson in this episode too, for someone who spends his whole life trying to make up for the fact that he lived when his sister didn’t, that he doesn’t have to figure out how to save the entire world. he can call his best friend and sit on his couch and watch caddyshack. but he asks the genie what she would wish for, because he genuinely cares, and he chooses to use his wish to give it to her, because he can do that.

6/ pilot

these tags: “this man is overflowing with reverent tenderness.”

the Moment™️ in his motel room…this is when you can see it. this is when both scully and the audience understand something. this is when it’s all over.

they’ve both been kind of concealing so much, behind sarcasm or professionalism. they really like each other. they want to trust each other. but she was sent to spy on him, to debunk him, and neither of them have any reason to believe it’ll be more than that.

when the power goes out and scully feels the marks on her back, she is just so scared. she is so young, and this is her first job, and she’s becoming exposed to things that she had never considered. when she walks into mulder’s motel room in only her robe, and then drops it, she’s afraid, and also acutely aware of her own vulnerability.

the way the camera hangs on his face (he’s the focus, not her exposure, what is he seeing?), in the candlelight, as she exposes her body to him and he just checks to make sure she’s okay.

what he’s seeing is her vulnerability, and he responds by both sheltering and matching it; he wraps her up and gives her the bed, sits below her on the floor. he tells her about sam. he tells her about what “matters” to him. and it isn’t something that he tells people, but anxiously walking mostly-naked into the room of your new assignment isn’t something that she does either, and he understands that.

it’s 2 episodes later in squeeze when scully makes her decision, she’s “on the side of the victim,” on the side of the vulnerable. but it’s a motel room in bellefleur where she learns what that side is, where that work is being done.

(related, conduit: the way that he shuts scully's concerns about him down, then validates them quietly, when they're alone. tells her what his life actually is. that it's "walking into that room," every day, feeling like maybe one day he'll open his eyes and his sister would be there. you really get the sense that he's never told anyone that before, but that it's something he turns over in his mind, something he's always aware of. he's saying: you're right, this is what i do, but i don't know how to do anything different. how am i meant to do anything different? it has always been this way. and it's the only thing that you need to hear him say to really get it. it's the only thing that scully needed to hear him say. this is the most vulnerable revelation that he ever makes, a month into their partnership. she never forgets it.)

7/ anasazi

just a little moment that i think about a lot is the way that after mulder sees his dad in colony and tries to hug him, and gets cut off with a handshake, the next time that he sees bill, in anasazi, he reaches out to shake his hand.

he notices everything, he internalizes everything, he only wants to give what he understands as wanted from him.

he knows that his dad does not want to hug him, and he still reaches to him first, offers that connection that bill is comfortable with.

(it always makes me think of the first time he met jackson. the way that the first thing he did after “my name is mulder, i’m your father. i know it must seem strange to you.” was hug him… “became a father while i was still a son,” or whatever the national said.)

8/ emily

you guys. you guys 🥺. this whole episode just really gets me so bad. the way emily is “shy” and doesn’t speak or really look at anyone, and the only time we see her smile is when mulder makes her laugh, as soon as she met him. him yelling at the doctor (i love that the show, through mulder, actually says the term “medical rapists.” like yes let’s call it what it fucking is!) and saying he wants everything that could help her. when emily's sick, and mulder instantly picks her up to hold her.

but the moment to me, the one that stays with me, is the very end. it's the funeral. it's when all is said and done. and scully asks...who could do this? who could bring a life into this world whose only purpose is to die? and mulder answers, "i don't know. but that you found her, and had a chance to love her...maybe she was meant for that too."

he looks at a person who was created to be used for other's gain, literally manufactured intentionally to suffer and then die, and he believes...maybe that's not all that she was meant for. maybe she was still meant to be known, to be found, to be loved. and they did love her.

(the way he shows up late to the funeral, but scully knows he's coming to get her, tells her mom she's going to ride back with him. the way he turns away from the casket, never able to look loss in the eye, but turns back so scully isn't in it alone. the way he brings flowers, like he brought flowers to the hospital when scully was diagnosed, like he stopped to bring flowers to missy's grave.)

9/ beyond the sea + lazarus

my father is dead (long live my father!)

y’all ever think about how sparingly and intentionally mulder says “dana”? y’all ever think about how she’d only ever been “scully,” to him, until “how are you, dana?” the day of her father’s funeral? the way she looked up at him, as he gently touched her cheek.

the first thing that scully does after her father dies, is tell mulder that she believes in a psychic. (“i thought that you would be pleased that i opened myself to extreme possibilities”).

the first thing that mulder does is sit down, lower himself beneath her, (he has done this since the motel room in bellefleur, the day they met), and look up to her to ask: “does this have to do with your father? you said that he didn't approve of you becoming an FBI agent. now, if being on the job now makes you feel guilty or uncomfortable or uneasy, i think you should back away. because if it’s clouding your judgment, you’re putting yourself in danger.”

(he is always listening, he is always more aware than people think. he perceives her attempts to “please” him as dangerous, or uncomfortable for her. encourages her to step back.)

when she starts to cry and walks across the room, she’s dana again. she’s not her father’s “starbuck,” she’s not mulder’s “scully.”

“dana…open yourself up to extreme possibilities, only when they’re the truth.”

in lazarus, it’s only 2 episodes later (2 episodes after “i’m afraid to believe”) when jack willis dies. (“along the way, there are other fathers.”)

mulder spent that whole fucking episode doing his lil tricks and tips and pulling out his lil experts trying to convince her that jack had been body-swapped, including the story about watches stopping at time of death. when jack dies, and all that’s left is the watch she had given him, stopped at the same time as his heart, she looks up to mulder for answers so softly.

and his response: “it means…it means whatever you want it to mean. goodnight.”

he spends his life begging for belief, but never at the cost of her integrity, her peace. he cannot be “pleased” by a forgoing of self, a forgoing of what she’s ready for.

(looking at this now, it also reminds me of irresistible, and the way that he told her that it’s understandable to be upset, to be affected. “i’ve seen agents with 20 years fall apart on cases like this.” it’s not because she’s young, it’s not because she’s inexperienced, it’s not because she’s traumatized. it’s because she’s human. and it’s good, it’s right.)

10/ redux ii

my favorite moment of this episode is when scully sees mulder through the window of her hospital room for the first time, and he plasters that smile on his face, comes in to sit on the bed and hold her hand and kiss her cheek. and she keeps trying to ask him about the conspiracy, about what happened at the pentagon, about who the inside man at the FBI is, and he just keeps quietly telling her that he's not there to talk about that. and she keeps pushing questions until he leans in to her and smiles and says... "hey, scully, how 'bout those yankees?"

hey, scully, it's not about that. for as many years as he's gone doing nothing but obsessing over conspiracies to anyone who will listen, he isn't there to talk about conspiracies. he's there to hold her hand, to keep that smile on his face so maybe she won't worry, to break down by her bedside as soon as she's asleep. he just wants to spend time with her. in reduxes, they aren't ahab and starbuck. they aren't charging forward or dutifully shepherding on. they're buckling in hallways. they're clinging to a hand through tears.

there is just no room: for their roles, for their pretenses, in the end. in this moment, he isn't the "mad captain" who cares about nothing more than the quest. he's the man who walked away from the fight so that he could sit next to her, who gave up all of his answers so that she could see her sister one last time. he's the man who "refused to believe" that she was dying, but still celebrated her birthday that year for the first time ever, just so that she would have it. and in that hospital room, at the end, through teary eyes and shaky smiles, it just isn't about anything bigger. she doesn't have to die as dutiful to the cause, for him to be there with her.

(the final shot of this episode is one of my favorites too. when scully is cured, she is going to live, her family is in her room celebrating with her, and mulder is crying alone in the hall.

these tags: "all his open love and loneliness and numbness and fear of loss. he's such a gentle man. he kills but he is gentle in his heart. he takes so many beatings and he listens quietly and has no shame. it's hard for him to play the games men play. this ending. he just found out scully is going to live. and everyone else is in there with her. and he has to sit outside. and it all hits him in one go. his sister. his parents. scully. his wasted years. his stupidity and arrogance. how many times has this happened to one of us. you grit your teeth and get through unimaginable difficulty. and then when it's all over you can't celebrate. it hits you on your own in a terrible way."

i always think of that. i always think of superstars of the superbowl. i always think of how ill-equipped and in-adequate we are, when it comes down to it, to deal with grief and trauma and loss. how "we bury our dead alive." and in the end it's "the best news" he ever could've heard, and that steady smile is reduced to sobs.)

honorable mention from paper hearts: i fear that i simply have to talk about him shooting roche in the head...did everybody see him shoot roche in the head? i thought him shooting roche in the head was lovely. you can watch it tear him apart, leading up to the moment. roche sitting in front of him, taunting him. how sure are you? you'll never know without me. but ultimately, he looks over at caitlyn, and he can't risk it. he had told caitlyn, "my name is fox, i'm gonna take you home." and then he did, even when ensuring she was found safe and well, meant sacrificing everything he'd been looking for.

the transition from that moment on the bus (roche's blood on the windows, caitlyn's screams, mulder's gun) to the walls of the basement office...the way the camera slowly pans over the UFO articles. the "i want to believe." the mysteries. all of that wishful thinking (as roche had said earlier: "it's like you think your world will be okay as long as you can believe in like...flying saucers") contrasted to the flesh and blood of the evil he's trying to escape. and, in the end, all there is left is one heart in front of him. one last victim that he'll never know the truth about, because he wasn't willing to risk the price paid for answers.

(and then scully says...but we will find her. how? "i don't know. but i do know you.")

honorable mention from oubliette: my top 2 episodes do be my top 2 episodes but there are few moments in this series that just make my heart sink to my stomach more than the image of mulder crying over lucy's body...that triptych line: "mulder who still grimaced at cadavers and cried over the bodies of dead women where most men she knew couldn't muster the wherewithal to appear disturbed."

lightning round appreciation for my favorite little tiny moments we don't talk about enough: casually giving his hotel key to the unhoused man in the jersey devil; holding kevin and telling him he knows he just wants his sister back in conduit; helping roland pick out a shirt to wear ("i think this one would look stylin' today, what do you think?") in roland; going back in for the kids even though he's afraid/had failed before, in fire; marty saying she "just knew" he would be at her sentencing, even though she couldn't see him, in mind's eye; taking scully to the liberty bell, after she complained about wanting a life outside of work, in shadows; when cassandra told him that reading news stories about him saved her life, because no one would ever believe her, until she found out about him, in patient x; telling skinner to get marita off the stand, "no. let her go," even though her testimony was the only thing that could save him, in the truth; telling off the sheriff in conduit who said it was "only a matter of time" before "something bad" happened to ruby because she "was no prom queen"; telling scully that he doesn't care if she comes with him or not, but he's not giving up on ruby "until they find a body."

#and also all of the rest of them. all of the rest of the things that he did in the franchise.#trish you're sickkk for inviting this madness but thank you bc i loved doing this even tho #i stared at it for 2 days as though i were sisyphus staring at his boulder #asks #sorry this is sooo much i went all out bc when else am i gonna have an excuse to gab appreciatively like this :)#but this is kinda my magnum opus of weepy apologia #i tried to pick a variety of like my Favorite favorite + ones that i think are central to his character

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