#so I left a bad google review

[thebumblingbee]

Being spam called by a local sushi restaurant after calling to complain about a bad experience, getting nowhere with that, then leaving a bad google review was not on my bingo card for this evening, yet here we are

[noosayog]

Sitting at the bar, alone, is far from Atsumu’s ideal Friday night. 

But Bokuto’s busy, Shoyo has a date, and Omi, well… he didn’t even bother to make an excuse. Some friends they are, especially when he’s going through a breakup. 

It does get better, minorly, when you, a pretty stranger, decide to sit in the stool directly to his left. Never mind that the bar is full and the seat next to his is the only free spot.

You’re pretty, dressed in something casual, yet memorable. He’s content to simply sit beside you, fantasizing scenarios in which he charmingly and successfully gets you to join him for a drink and dinner soon, when he hears you. 

“So how’s your night going?” 

“Uh.”

You giggle lightly. He feels his face flush a shade deeper. 

“Articulate, aren’t you?” 

Atsumu chokes out an awkward chuckle. “I’m usually better than this.” 

“Yeah?” You lean further in, propping your chin on your hand. 

“Yeah.” 

A moment of silence. Your smile drops. Oh, you’re definitely about to turn to your left and try your luck with the other guy sitting on that side. 

“Um-” 

“Ok, whatever,” you say. “I’m just gonna come out and ask. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Uh, no. I’m actually going through a-”

You hold a hand up. “I don’t really wanna hear details. So you’re single? Not seeing someone? Not trying to see someone?” 

“No.” 

“Cool. Wanna make out with me? No strings attached, of course.” 

“Uh?”

“You’re not really doing too hot convincing me that your normal is better than this. Make out.” You gesture, lips puckered. “With me. Just looking for a little fun tonight, you know?” 

Yes, he does want to make out with the pretty girl sitting next to him, so charming, he thinks he might’ve fallen in love. But instead, what he says is- 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. I mean it’s not really my things to hook up with someone right when I meet them and I’m going through a fresh breakup…” 

You sit back up, swiveling your stool so you’re facing the bar now. “No worries. I don’t wanna pressure someone who’s not down. Have a good night then.” 

You turn back to your book, which he didn’t even notice was there. A sip of your drink, knife to the conversation. 

Atsumu probably spends a good while racking his head for a way to restart the connection when he hears you order another drink. He keeps his head down, discreetly eavesdropping as you flirt with the bartender. 

The bartender rests both arms on the bar to lean closer to you, clearly bewitched. Not that Atsumu doesn’t understand but doesn’t this guy have a job to do? He makes a mental note to write a bad google review later. 

“So…” the bartender croons, “I heard your proposition for Blondie over there.” 

Excuse him? He’s sitting right here still! 

“If he’s not interested-”

“Who said I’m not!” 

Both sets of eyes whip toward him. 

“Bro, we both heard you say-” 

“Okay, so can’t a guy make a mistake?” He turns to you, voice accusatory. “Guys say things when we’re nervous. I’m nervous, okay? I’ve never been asked to make out with some like you,” he gestures up and down. “I am so interested in making out with you.” 

You blink once, twice, before turning to the bartender. “I think I’m done drinking for the night.” 

You turn toward him. 

“Put my drinks on blondie’s tab. He’s closing out now.” 

Atsumu hardly remembers throwing a couple of bills on the table before you grab his hand, trailing after your tinkling laughter. 

–

“- and that’s how I met your mother.” 

“Bullshit!” 

“No way she asked you, of all people, at that bar to make out with you.” 

”Seems kinda farfetched, Atsumu…” 

The MSBY team is gathered in your living room, your one year old son babbling on Atsumu’s lap. 

“Hey! No swear words around my son.” 

His teammates roll their eyes. 

“You’re so full of it. No way that story-”

“What are you guys talking about?” You enter the room with a handful of beers. 

“How you and Atsumu met.” 

“Oh, you mean how I asked him to make out with me?” 

“No fucking shot!” 

“Language!”

[honeyedmiller]

Mr. Bakery Man

baker!joel miller x f!reader

rating: none

synopsis: it’s not every day you get to move from nyc to austin for your job and relish in a pleasant change of pace. it’s also not every day that you discover a cute family owned bakery in the heart of austin—and it’s definitely not every day that you meet the owner and fall head over heels for him.

warnings: this is pure, innocent tooth-rotting fluff ; fun flirting, we’ll call this one a hallmark type beat lol, sarah and ellie are both in this, joel is down bad in this (but so is reader), no use of y/n.

word count: 3.3k

a/n: this was supposed to be for @punkshort’s au writing challenge but i’m hella late on it. life has been crazy lately, but thanks for sticking with me during my unintentional hiatus 🤍

Moving from New York City to Austin Texas had been an oddity in life’s recent escapades. 

Your job had asked if anyone in your department was willing to do the big move because the office in Austin needed a strong journalist on their growing team. With the rest of your colleagues having kids and spouses, nobody was interested in uprooting their whole life to move to a completely different state. 

You, on the other hand, wanted to get out of New York. You yearned for new opportunities, and when this one arose, you didn’t hesitate to tell your boss you were interested. 

You’d been slowly settling into Austin, getting used to life in another city with a completely different atmosphere. You were grateful your new colleagues were all very nice and welcoming. 

The one thing you’d say you missed dearly back in New York City, though, was this amazing bakery off of Fifth you’d frequent before work. Their coffee and croissants were delicious, which is what led you to go on a Google hunt to see what bakeries were good around here in Austin. 

One caught your eye immediately—Sarah & Ellie’s— with five star reviews and multiple photos of all the sweets they had to offer. It was a cozy little café and bakery mixed into one with a homey, warm vibe and cute decorations. You mapped it to see how long it would take you to get to the place, and to your luck, it was only a ten minute walk from your apartment complex. So, you decided you were going to go first thing in the morning before work. 

And for some reason, you felt excited to try a new place. Maybe it was a sign of finally getting used to living in a completely different state, fifteen hundred miles away from your old life. 

You luckily got used to being an early riser, so once morning had rolled around, you were up n’ at ‘em by six thirty. You left your house around seven, making your way down to Sarah & Ellie’s. 

The shop felt more homey than it looked online. As soon as you stepped in, there was already a short line of customers and a waft of delicious baked goods and coffee that filled your senses. You suddenly yearned for a home you’d never even been to. 

You stood in line and observed the menu, deciding on sticking with a classic chocolate croissant and latte for the time being. You wanted to see if this place held a candle up to the place off of Fifth. 

The older gentleman in front of you greeted the cashier with a bright smile, and she immediately typed in an order. 

“Hey Randy, how’s it going?” 

“Hey sweet pea. Just here for my usual mornin’ coffee and danish,” he says, handing the girl a ten dollar bill. She counts out the change and closes the register with her hip before returning his beaming smile to him. “Tell your old man to stop workin’ so damn hard. Cheryl says I need to lay off the sweets once in a while, but I can’t do that if all his baked goods are too delicious to resist.” Randy pats his stomach with a satisfied hum, and the girl laughs. 

“I’ll be sure to pass on the message. Have a good one!” 

After she waves him off, she locks eyes with you and gives you the same beaming smile as you stepped up to the register. 

“What can I get ya, Miss?” she asks, tone cheery and light. 

“I’ll take a chocolate croissant and a latte, please.” 

She nods and rings in your order, grabbing a cup to write your name on it. 

“Not to intrude or anything, but are you new ‘round here?” Her tone is still light, laced with pure curiosity as the sharpie pen hovers over the latte cup. 

You gave her a smile and nodded meekly, “I am.” 

“Well, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Sarah.” 

You give her your name and her smile never wavers, scribbling your name on the cup. 

“Let me get that chocolate croissant for you—” she started, but was accidentally cut off by a man opening the door that separated the front of the café from the back. 

“Hey babydoll, do we have anymore—” the man stops abruptly, eyes landing on you. A black apron adorned his clearly thick and strong physique, flour dusted on his hands and arms. He was tall, and had a sweet glint in his brown eyes that made warmth flood your whole body. He had a head full of thick brown curls with grays strewn in here and there, and the mustache along with the stubble on his chin mirrored the streaks in his hair.

He instantly gave off a charming aura, and when he smiled at you, you were a goner. 

“Hello Miss. Don’t think we’ve ever met before,” he says, dusting his hands off on the apron before extending one to you. His Southern accent dripped like thick, pure honey, and it made your skin burn hot. 

You couldn’t hold back your smile when you reached your hand out to shake his. It might’ve sounded cliché as hell, but the sudden surge you got from just touching him made every single cell in your body alert, yearning for more. 

“I’m new in the city,” you explain, “Just moved here not too long ago.” 

“Ah, makes sense. Think I’d remember ya even if you didn’t come in often.” 

You’re taken aback by his words. Was he… flirting? You felt your face heat, and your eyes nervously flit to the glass case full of delicious looking pastries. Well, if he was flirting, there’s no harm in doing it back… right? 

“Me coming in often depends,” you find yourself grinning like a fool, “Do your pastries taste as good as they look and smell?” 

“They’re the best in Austin,” he winks, and with that, murmurs something to Sarah before giving you one last smile before walking to the back again. 

Sarah can’t help but giggle as she hands you your croissant. “It’s on the house,” she waves her hand as you pull out your wallet, and you stop short to give her a confused look. She clocks the expression on your face and grins. “Dad said.” 

“That’s your dad?” You didn’t mean to pry, you were just taken aback. 

“Mhm. Family owned and operated bakery,” you immediately hear the pride in her voice, and you can’t help but smile. “I’ll have your latte out in a minute.” 

You grin and nod, stepping over to the other side of the counter. You decided to take a bite of your croissant while you waited for your latte, and god, it was the best pastry you think you’d ever had. The croissants on Fifth had nothing against these gooey, decadent, flaky treats. 

You nearly had to hold back a moan, and the man—Randy, you think—laughed beside you. 

“Good, ain’t they?” he asks, and you nodded expeditiously. 

“Probably the best croissant I’ve ever had.” 

Randy nods in agreement, “Miller’s the best baker in Austin. Been comin’ here since his girls were little.” 

And you finally figured that Ellie must be his other daughter. It warmed your heart that he’d name his place after his two girls, clearly his pride and joy. 

“That’s so nice,” you say, and give him a quick wave goodbye when his order is called out. 

“Hopefully I’ll see you again soon,” Randy shot you a smile before taking a sip of his drink, and you nod at him with a smile before you turn your attention to your name being called out. Sarah handed you your drink and you thanked her, taking a cautious sip. 

Even the latte was superb. You were one hundred percent sold on this place, and maybe even a little smitten with the owner. 

Yeah, you’d definitely be coming back. 

-

A month passes by before you know it, and you’re now deemed an honorable regular at Sarah & Ellie’s. You’ve met Ellie, who was a total opposite of her sister—but you loved both of their personalities all the same. You learned that Ellie was going to art school and you promised her you’d buy a commissioned piece. 

Sarah was going to school for business, studying to take over the bakery one day, and possibly even expand it as a franchise. You told her you’d be at the grand opening the day that it happens. 

As for the owner, Mr. Miller—or, Mr. Bakery Man, you teasingly called him—kept the flirting subtle but fun. You looked forward to the playful banter you two’d exchange, and it always earned a raised brow and a not-so-subtle smirk from either Sarah or Ellie. 

Unbeknownst to you, they’d tease their father about the ‘crush’ he had on the pretty regular that came in and how he should buck up and ask you on a date. 

And he planned to do just that. When you went in on a Saturday morning, you were surprised to see him working the front counter instead of one of the girls. 

“Well if it isn’t Mr. Bakery Man,” you say, and he runs a hand through his hair. 

“In the flesh,” he says, and you can’t help but laugh. 

“Girls didn’t come in today?” You lean up against the counter as he grabs a latte cup, writing your name out on it. He hesitates for a moment, but continues to write on it before setting it down on the opposite countertop. 

“Nah. Sarah was up late doing homework and it’s Ellie’s turn to have Saturday off.”

You nod in understanding, pulling out your wallet. He stops you and shakes his head, and you scoff. 

“You have to let me pay, Mr. Miller. You can’t keep giving me these discounts.” 

“Don’t worry about it, darlin’,” his smile was shy, and he was fidgety—almost like he was scared. Right when you opened your mouth to ask him if he was okay, he cut you off. 

“Would you wanna go on a date with me?” His words were rushed, and your heart melted at how nervous he sounded. 

You paused your movements completely, meeting those warm brown eyes that made you feel so safe. 

“I’d love to,” you answered, and relief visibly washed over his features. 

“Great. I, uh, wrote my name and number on your cup. Hope you don’t mind,” he says, and you have to bite back a smile. Then you suddenly realized you never even knew this man’s first name. You’d just stuck with calling him the nickname you gave him, or by his last name. 

You took the cup from him gingerly as he finished making your drink a few minutes later, and turned it in your hand to see his name and number scrawled on the side as promised. 

Joel. 

The name fit the gorgeous man in front of you. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, and your palm landed on his insanely toned bicep with reassurance. 

He stared at you, the warmth in his eyes nearly making you weak in the knees. 

“I promise I’ll call you,” you say, giving his bicep a soft squeeze. Your hand falls to your side again before grabbing the croissant from the counter that you didn’t notice until now, and you eagerly took a bite. 

Joel wanted to laugh at the chocolate on the side of your mouth as you tilted the pastry toward him. He restrained himself from reaching up and wiping it from your mouth, but you beat him to it by using your knuckle to wipe it off. 

“Compliments to the chef.” You tease, wiggling your eyebrows. 

He couldn’t help but admire your playful side, ecstatic that you agreed to go out with him. 

“Anythin’ for you darlin’,” he said, and you left the bakery that day with a smile on your face that you couldn’t wipe. 

That night, you found yourself pacing back and forth in your apartment as you chewed on your bottom lip. Your phone was clutched in your hand, keypad open and ready to dial. Your other hand had the empty coffee cup with his name and number. 

You didn’t know why you were battling this in your head. Is it weird? Is it too late to call him? No—No, it’s not weird. He’s the one who asked you out, after all. 

Fuck it. 

You sighed as you dialed the number on the cup, pressing the phone up to your ear. Within seconds, Joel’s deep voice rang through the other line. 

“Hello?” He sounded a bit tired, voice hoarse from what had to be a long day. 

“Hey Mr. Bakery Man,” you said in hopes of lifting his spirits even in the slightest. 

His deep chuckle that sounded through the receiver had a warmth blooming in your chest. Even his laugh alone made you feel good inside—like a cup of hot cocoa in your hands on a cold night while you’re in your pajamas sitting fireside. 

Did it sound kind of insane? Sure. Did you care? No. 

The feelings you’d felt toward him almost blindsided you, but something in your gut told you that Joel would be a constant in your life from here on out. 

“Hey darlin’. How’s your day been?” He asks. 

“Good, good,” you pause for a moment, “So about that date…” 

“I was thinkin’ some dinner? Friday night at seven?” 

“That’s perfect. I can’t wait.” 

-

Friday night rolled around, and Joel was kicking himself for not exactly having a plan B. For some reason, the reservations he made got mixed up and you couldn’t be seated. 

You assured him that it was okay, and that his presence was enough for you to enjoy yourself. 

You both decided to get some pasta to-go and eat your food at a park nearby. Even though you both were dressed to the nines and didn’t exactly blend in, you couldn’t care less. You were enjoying your time with him and getting to know the amazing man that he is. 

He opened up and talked about how Sarah and Ellie were both his pride and joy, how he had Sarah really young and adopted Ellie later on, how he sometimes helped his brother Tommy in the contracting business, and how he’s loved to bake in the kitchen with his mom ever since he was a young boy. 

“Didn’t really think I’d make a career out of it,” he confesses. 

“Looks like it worked out for you really well though,” you nudge his side gently. You were settled onto a bench with him then, closer to each other than anticipated. Neither of you said a word, though. 

Being by Joel’s side radiated nothing but safety and comfort. It felt natural, like you two were meant to find your way to each other. 

“Guess so. ‘S funny though. I meet new people every day because of the bakery and, forgive me ‘f this is too bold to say, but meeting you has completely thrown me off my game,” he chuckles, and you furrow your brows. 

“What do you mean?” You try not to feign hurt in your tone, but he wraps his arm around your shoulders and brings you into his warm body. You’re engulfed in his scent, and you could stay here forever, you thought to yourself. 

“Don’t mean it as a bad thing, sweetheart. I mean you’ve been on my mind constantly, and truth be told, I didn’t think you’d ever agree to go on this date with me. ‘M not really one to put myself out there and go on dates, but somethin’ about you made me want to get to know ya more,” he explained, and you nodded your head in understanding. 

“I get it. I didn’t know what to expect when I moved out here. I always buried myself in work and didn’t pay much attention to dating someone, but I’d like to say this turn of events has been pleasant.” 

He can’t help but grin foolishly at your words. 

“‘M glad it worked out this way too. Y’know my girls pushed me to ask you out? Not that I didn’t want to in the first place, but ‘m… not very good at this,” he waves his hand to the side.  

You could easily picture Sarah and Ellie giving Joel a hard time, hounding him to ask you out. 

“Your girls know what’s best,” you tease, and he can’t help but let out a hearty laugh. “But you’re doing just fine, Mr. Miller. I promise.” 

“Even if I goofed and our reservation got messed up?” 

“Joel, I wouldn’t care if you took me to Whataburger for a date. It’s the company that matters,” you say, and you could’ve sworn you saw him blush. 

“Where have you been all my life?” His question sounded like it was meant to be directed just to himself, but you leaned in and gave his cheek a kiss. 

“Probably in New York City,” you shrugged. 

“You and your sarcasm,” he said, shoulders shaking from laughing. 

“Hey, you’re the one who asked me out. That’s on you,” and Joel couldn’t help the pride that bloomed within his chest. 

“Sure did. What do ya say? Wanna head back to the bakery for a cup of coffee and croissant?” 

“What, like a nightcap, but sweet?” You grinned, and he nods. 

“Somethin’ like that.” 

“I’d love to.” 

Joel offered you his arm and you wrapped your hand around his bicep, staying close to him as you both walked back to his truck. 

It didn’t take long to get back to the bakery. Joel made you some coffee with creamer and sugar while he drank his black. He made you a croissant too as promised, and you couldn’t help but gush to him about how you loved his baking. You’d tried a few other things off the menu since you started coming into the shop, but the croissants were what stole your heart. 

You and him sat there for what seemed like hours just talking and getting to know each other on a deeper level. You told him about your family, your dreams and aspirations, what made you want to become a journalist, and what drove you to reach your goals. 

He loved that you were so ambitious—he didn’t come across too many people these days that seemed to know exactly what they wanted in life. You impressed him, and as he sat across from you listening to you talk about work, he knew you were the woman for him. 

He would’ve deemed himself crazy not even a few months ago for thinking such a thing, but hell, if you know you know. 

So the months passed by, and you two became inseparable.

Both of you didn’t think you’d meet someone like this, let alone someone you both could see sharing a life with. This man, all kind hearted and selfless and a big teddy bear who treated you like a goddess, was the man that swept you off your feet and made you see that work isn’t everything life had to offer. 

You took that leap of faith to move to Austin, not knowing the outcome it would have. But, you sure as hell were so glad that it happened. That this thing with Joel happened. You were decently happy with your life before you met him and let him in, but now, you felt as if you’d been on cloud nine for months. 

You were helping Joel close up the bakery one Sunday evening when he turned to you and confessed that he loved you, and he couldn’t imagine his life without you. Neither could the girls. You’d changed him for the better, even if it hadn’t even been a year of knowing each other. 

You’d said it right back to him, and with flour still lingering on his hands, he’d grabbed your face and kissed you like you were the air his lungs needed, the blood to keep his heart pumping, and his god-given solace. 

And you thought, this was exactly where you were meant to be—safe in his arms, full of love, with a whole lifetime with him to look forward to. 

He was it for you. You'd won the heart of the charming Southern gentleman—your Mr. Bakery Man. 

dividers by @saradika-graphics

p.s. sorry if this sucked i’m genuinely so rusty w writing rn. thanks for understanding <3

[yourlocalsmutwriter]

Bookish girlfriend you're my yum yum - Mark Webber x reader

Summary : After going viral on book social media, you give the fans a completely new side of you. It catches the eye of an author (who happens to be a 9 GP winner)

inkscentedglamour: Squeezing in some last girly romance books before I film a new video for you 👀

username: Our queen is finally trying romantasy, I can feel it.

username: I need another object x human romance. I know it was an April Fools thing, but I need her to read Double Stuffed

username: DARK ROMANCE. DARK ROMANCE. DARK ROMANCE.

username : I know the sports romance PR is talking to her like the Green Goblin Mask

> username : Especially the new book with the MMC inspired by Danny Ricciardo

> username: need to rewatch her F1 romance streams on patreon.

username: Do you think this is after Two Girls One Formula podcast backlash?

> username: The girls brought her on to talk about books, specifically romances. I don't understand why the fans were attacking her for not talking much about the current grid and things like that and focusing on the fiction.

> username: Especially when she has said many times that she's easing into the fandom. How would you feel if people bullied you for starting with edits/ fanfics and books, like she's doing?

inkscentedglamour: Writing my script for the upcoming video and staring at what got me here

username: Throttled slander era, you will forever be famous

> username: The way she started off so hesitant to give it a bad review or DNF it. This was her first 1 star. People died.

> username: Asking people to still try it for themselves and to not just judge it based on her review. Cemented her as my favorite BookTuber, I fear.

username: The fact that she still followed through and read the entire series. And rearranged her entire Goodreads ratings after that? Iconic

> username: I miss her giving 5 stars. But the quote "if I can be cruel enough to give 1 star, then I don't think I should be generous to give 5 stars to any book, but one" will forever live on.

inkscentedglamour: New video, out now

username: MARK WEBBER????? OVER EMILY HENRY????

> username: over Christina Lauren?????? Ali Hazelwood? Katee Robert

username: you're telling me an Australian driver who retired like 10 years ago is her favorite author??? And was the driving force for her to get her to watch a GP?

username: she's the queen of Booktok, has talked about every book boyfriend, and now she's into cars that go fast?

aussiegrit: Talked about Porsche, F1, Mentoring Oscar, and my book, somehow. Why is Aussie Grit trending?

username: Oh no, our little Booktuber girl bossed too close to the sun (she has a million subscribers and multiple brand deals)

> username: she got it to 5 stars on Goodreads and onto the trending page on Amazon.

username: Mark, wear the My fake boyfriend drives for F1 mech, and my life is yours

username: @inkscentedglamour, look who sorta knows you exist.

inkscentedglamour: Oh oh

inkscentedglamour: Reading the book 😄🤩🥺 vs. having to describe its impact on you, your career, and the future 🙃😑☠️. If you see me verbally abusing a Google doc at the airport, no you didn't

username: Mark Webber in the likes?????????

> username: I guess he found out why Aussie Grit was trending

username: reading video hiatus is over, society is healing

> username: we haven't gotten a part two of her trip to a random destination yet

> username: true, she just packed and left us on a cliffhanger. Surely we're getting that first

> username: her caption says it all. For book lovers, some of you have no reading comprehension.

inkscentedglamour: I finished reading my book, so it only makes sense to hit the thrift, right? Reading vlog will be up when I'm back home (I was strictly told to relax)

username: the two glasses (which could mean nothing)

> username : this is the girl that relies on our discord pins to drink water, what is going on in the house of commons

username : Mark Webber, here again????????? Before me?????????????

> username: she sped through her book cause she has his new book on pre-order

> username: I just know she'll get it on Kindle too, no way is she waiting til it ships to her house

username: Mark's pr team was sleeping because wdym they didn't reach out to her

> username: And apparently, he's got a launch party coming up with "surprise BookTube influencer" attending

inkscentedglamour : Photographic proof that my favorite author knows I exist. Thank you, @aussiegrit, for the invite. And thanks for getting a decent picture before I cried at the blurb and dedication

aussiegrit: Figured you'd wanna skip the queue at Waterstones. Can't wait for your review of this one (also please re-read the new prologue before posting)

username: Mark has been secretly divorced for a year and was writing this whole book as a therapy exercise??????

> username: he couldn't tell anybody and felt like he was slowly fading into obscurity, which affected his mental health

> username: he was not thinking of releasing this until the OG Aussie Grit review

> username: Mark saying that the YouTube video changed his life, just as much as it did hers

inkscentedglamour: Night and day

Comments on this post have been disabled

14.02.2025,approximately 3 months after the book launch

inkscentedglamour: Valentine's Day, Book Buying Day, and Merch Drop Day. Shop the My Real Boyfriend Drove for F1 tee. And yes, he signed off on this specific hard launch

inkscentedglamour: time to be sappy real quick after the merch plug. Mark has been inspiring me, guiding me and showering me with praise ever since his second book launch. I'm so happy he's in my life and I intend to keep him there for as long as I can. He beats all the bookish boyfriend one can have (yes, even Zafir)

aussiegrit: I'm so glad to have you in my life. You see me and be with me, sharp tongue,flaws and all. I wanna build you bookshelves and watch you put my books on them last. Now stop being a YouTuber for a second and get back to being my girlfriend.

[rcmclachlan]

tease tidbit tuesday

I was tagged by @leashybebes and @beanarie. Thanks, y'all!

"Is this a bad time?" Tommy asks, voice low. "You're not, uh, on shift, are you?"  There was a time when Tommy knew Buck's schedule better than his own, mostly because they'd synced their Google calendars about three months in. It made scheduling date nights around their shifts easier; it took the guesswork out. Plus they had way too much fun giving the events dumb names, like Cross-Functional Alignment Strategy Session for a lunch date or Roundtable Performance Review on the days they went to the gym together. They'd once blocked a shared 48 off for a sex marathon and then nearly laughed themselves into traction when Tommy's teammate Nico asked how the Interdepartmental Alignment & Team Building Conference was. Nowadays Buck's schedule looks extremely boring without Tommy's neon green blocks filling it up, and the only events he has are his work shifts and reminders to pick up unsalted butter. "N-No, I'm home," Buck says, then glares at his oven. "I'm just… baking." "Oh yeah?" A soft hiss comes down over the line, and it takes Buck a second to recognize the sound of Tommy sucking air through his teeth. "What are you…?" "Chocolate croissants. Or, uh, I'm trying to. The butter's either too soft and it melts all over the oven or it's too hard and it just sort of sits in clumps. Making baked Alaska was easier than this. I-I've gone through stages of grief I didn't even know existed before tonight, and I'm coming to the conclusion that I might need to, like, sacrifice my KitchenAid to the baking gods for an assist." When Tommy laughs, the speaker crackles, and Buck holds his phone as tightly to his ear as he can so he can feel it deep inside the canal. It's loud. It hurts a little. "That's crazy talk," Tommy says breathlessly. "There's gotta be a perfectly good goat lying around for you to sacrifice instead. What about the lady in 291? You know she's got an entire barnyard menagerie in there." A grin erupts over Buck's face, so wide that the pull of it aches. "One of the maintenance guys knocked on her door when I was heading to work the other day. When she opened it, the biggest chicken I've ever seen came flying out. I thought the guy was going to shit." "I heard something mooing in there once." "You did not," Buck laughs, and then has the sudden urge to crawl into the oven and rip out the baking element tube with his bare hands.  It shouldn't be this easy. It should be stilted and awkward, and his hands should be sweating because every sentence is like pulling teeth, and every word out of his mouth should be a little absent because he's too focused on counting down the seconds until he's free of this.  But it is easy. It's effortless. It's like they're picking up right where they left off, and it wouldn't take anything to just pretend the last four months didn't happen and this conversation is what followed Tommy's dumb joke about spumoni. Maybe they can rewrite over the save point. Maybe they can just start the game over.

Tagging @liminalmemories21, @alchemistc, @firehose118, @geddyqueer, and @setmeatopthepyre

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Monster, Inc. 4

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your boss is an asshole, you know this. But what happens when he turns his wrath upon you? (plus!reader)

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, this reader is known as Missie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

After a quick Google and a few reviews, you decide on a brand. You pick a box off the shelf. It should do the job as long as you apply it properly. You’re not so worried about yourself. 

Something drops along the edge of your vision and you peek over. A man walks away ignorant of the card left behind. You hurry to scoop it up. 

“Excuse me, sir, you dropped--” You click to a stop in your heels as he faces you. You smile as he mirrors your expression. “Peter!?” 

“Hey, Missie.” His brown eyes beam back at you. “What are the odds?” 

“It’s been so long. Um...” you look down at the card then wiggle it at him. “You dropped this.” 

“Oh, uh, thanks.” 

He accepts the card with a dimple in his cheek. You look at it and realise it’s nothing special. Just a loyalty card from Roasters. It is a great shop. 

“Haven’t heard from you since the paper. You said you’d keep in touch.” He shifts his stance so another customer can squeeze by. 

“Yeah, uh, I meant to. I’ve been really cruddy at keeping up. Work is so busy and--” 

“What’s that for?” He quickly redirects as he points at the box in your hands. “You dye your hair? Wouldn’t guess it.” 

“Oh, no it’s for... my boss,” you giggle. 

“Your boss. Right. I’m sorry, what exactly do you do now?” 

“I’m a PA. My boss is just demanding. That’s all. But it’s good pay and it keeps me on my toes.” 

“Ah, I left the paper too. Started my own photography business.” He explains. 

“I saw that on Insta! I follow you. Your stuff is so good.” 

“You follow me but you don’t message,” he crosses his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” you pout. You rattle the box in your hands. You don’t want to be abrupt but you really can’t keep Mr. Hansen waiting too long and you still need to grab shampoo. 

“We should catch up. How about dinner? What are you doing tonight?” Peter asks. 

“Oh, er, nothing.” 

“Great. How about Zak’s? That old sandwich shop near the paper. I remember your fave; the spicy italian with extra pickles.” He grins triumphantly. 

“Sure, that sounds awesome. Just... send me a message, okay? I gotta get back to my boss.” 

“Sure, don’t let her work you too hard,” he steps out of your way. 

“He,” you correct him. “It’s not hard work, just a lot.” 

You sweep down the aisle and grab a clarifying shampoo on your way to the checkout. Even just a few minutes is too long for Mr. Hansen and in his state, you don’t expect him to be any calmer. All you can hope for is that the remover works out. 

Back at the office, you measure your dread. It won’t be that bad. You can fix this. Maybe. You grabbed some dye too, hoping maybe you might be able to even everything out after. 

You drop your purse on your desk and flit over to Mr. Hansen’s office. You knock and hear him groaning from inside. As you enter, he’s bent over his lap, holding his head. He sits up so fast his chair teeters. He faces your chirpy greeting. 

“Mr. Hansen,” you sing, “I got everything we need.” 

“Why the fuck are you so cheery?” 

As you look at him, like really look at him, you find it hard not to laugh. He really does look awful. He’s not exactly your type but he isn’t too bad most days. The black dye just washes him out. He looks like Dracula if he was in a 70s adult flick. 

“So, we need to wash your hair. I figured we can use your sink. I even grabbed a towel.” 

“You think of everything, don’t you?” He hisses. 

“Sir, I think we can fix your hair.” 

He scowls and stands. He shakes his head and slinks to the en suite bathroom. You follow with the bag of goodies. He looms with arms crossed as you put it on the counter and unpack. 

“You can put the towel around your collar to keep the remover from dripping. Tuck it in to--” 

Before you can finish, his shirt is half unbuttoned. You turn to unbox the remover and peel the seal of the bottle as you quiet. Whatever’s easier, you suppose. He hangs his shirt on the back of the door and comes back to you. You get a glimpse of his chest hair in the mirror. 

“Alright, erm, bend over the sink and we need to wash your hair. How about you put the towel over your eyes--” 

“I can handle it.” He snatches the towel and folders it over his forehead and eyes. He bends over the sink. His broad shoulders strain as his muscles tighten. “Don’t fuck up my hair.” 

You want to tell him you don’t think it can get worse but you know better. You take one of the paper cups from the stack and crank on the faucet.  You feel the temperature before you fill the cup and carefully pour it over his head. You wet all the strands and squirt shampoo onto his hair. You lather it up, scratching his scalp with your nails. 

“Mmmph,” he purrs as your work away. You smile. He’s a bit like a cat. Cranky but manageable. 

You rinse his hair methodically. You make sure not to get any near his face as you use your hand to redirect the water. When you finish, you help him cover his hair with the towel. 

You roll in his chair from the office and have him sit. You rub the moisture of his hair with the towel and drape it around his shoulders. You pull the gloves on and mix up the remover in the bottle then take the comb out of the box. You go to Mr. Hansen as he sits, looking despondent. 

“It fucking reeks,” he wrinkles his nose at the odour. 

“I did warn you but once we rinse it out, you’ll be good as new.” You comb his hair back, then forward, and pull out a thin section. You slather it on precisely as you work through the strands. 

As you pay close attention to your task, you feel the tension ease from him. When you get through the longer pieces on the top of his head, you push the back again. You use your gloved fingers to do his sides, rubbing in the remover on the buzzed stubble. As you do, he closes his eyes and leans into your touch. 

Well, it’s better than him being angry. This might be the most relaxed you’ve ever seen Mr. Hansen. 

[thekoalapastriesbakery]

Oscar, Paul, Alex, (Big) Kimi, and Sebastian's reactions to a 'wheelchair friendly' cafe, or museum, or bookstore or smth that is actually very much not wheelchair accessible after trying to go on a date with wheelchair user!Reader

I'm in the middle of a flare up on a school trip and my teacher is an asshole if you can't tell :D

🦕

oof i'm sorry about your teacher (and your flare up) :( also i'm assuming big kimi is kimi raikkonen so apologies if that's wrong lol

alex albon:

acts goofy to try to keep your spirits up, even if you're kind of used to it

he'll inwardly be pissed off at the restaurant and the next time you're out of sight he'll make sure to leave an anonymous review on google, yelp, everything

saying something like "HEY THESE ASSHOLES SAY THEY'RE WHEELCHAIR ACCESSIBLE AND THEY'RE FUCKING NOT"

which he knows most people won't care about

but he still thinks it's worth it

he'll also find a new place to take you instead

and push you if you start getting tired because the outing took more energy than you'd budgeted for

his main focus is on decreasing the inconvenience for you

anything else is nice but not as important

kimi raikkonen:

not happy with them

at all

most likely to ask to speak to the owner and then call them a fuckwit

along with a slew of finnish insults, probably

after you leave he feels a bit like an idiot and a lot like a bad boyfriend

he just wanted to plan one date with you and he couldn't even do that

remind him that there's very few ways to know that a place is just pretending to be accessible until you actually get there and can't access it

he'll get over it pretty quickly and find something else you can do together

even if that's just going back home and lying on the floor of the living room with a galaxy projector and pretending to stargaze

oscar piastri:

tries really hard not to get really mad with the cafe/museum/bookstore/etc

especially because he's very aware that most of the time the people working with the customers have very little control over the layout of the place

he's just frustrated because it feels like nowhere is accessible to you

which is obviously most important and more frustrating for you

but does have the overflow effect of it being really hard for him to go out on dates with his boyfriend

i mean he's already frustrated by the fact that the two of you can't safely act like straight couples would in public

he just wants to show you that he loves you and the world seems so reluctant to let him

regardless, he will find somewhere

and if he can't, he'll make somewhere

no matter what he has to do he'll make sure you know how much he loves you <3

paul aron:

pouts

he's a big pouter

will complain about the thing and lowkey get more upset that you're not as upset

it makes him sad that you're so used to being left out from the world around you

he loves you so much and he just wants to be able to go out with you and have fun like (what feels like) every other couple in the world

after that experience though he will be sure to do extra research and find actual wheelchair users to ask about accessible places

even if it takes him hours and hours and hours

he WILL find somewhere to take you on a date

he's quite stubborn about it actually

sebastian vettel:

will semi-calmly take the owner/manager to task over advertising as "wheelchair accessible" when they're not

also probably ends up posting a massive infopost about what makes spaces (generally speaking) wheelchair accessible

you two have your staple places that you know are accessible but you like to try new places when you can

so, while you're a bit disappointed, you've got backup plans to make sure you can still have an enjoyable date night

he's torn between laughing and being scared every time you have to wheelie over a bump/step

especially if you know that he's a bit scared when you wheelie and so you do/say something silly to distract him

would also probably try to jump over the bump/up the step using roughly the same movement as you do in your wheelchair

he just looks so silly it's adorable

[fabbyf1]

*taps microphone* is this thing on?

oh, hello.

it's me, yah girl.

you'll never guess what grandma's been up to.

after avoiding my google docs for weeks months, i have finally dusted them off and started writing again. i'll be honest with you guys: i've gone through a lot of ups and downs with writing recently, where i loved it one day and hated it the next, which is why i took such a massive break. i don't like to post things i'm not proud of, and don't fully believe in, so i'm glad i took some time away to do other things and not let writing fanfiction ruin my mental health.

but now? WE'RE BACK BABY. i followed troy bolton's advice and got my head in the game and thought to myself, what would bring you joy to write? and there was really only one answer to that question.

lestappen.

so that's what i've done.

i set out to make this a one-shot pwp, and if that's what i decide it's going to be, then it's pretty much complete right now and just needs an edit. but i think i'm gonna try to add more onto it over the next couple days and make it a short story instead.

it won't be anything massive like long live or vapor, but maybe a little more than a one-shot.

happy charles on pole day, besties. thank you for sticking by me while i got my life together.

snippet under the cut.

context: friend-charles has a bad hook-up and asks friend-max to give him an honest blow job review

Charles stretched his neck to the left and right as if he was about to hop into his car. 

“Do you always stretch before giving someone a blow job?” Max asked, ignoring the sweat that was forming around his hairline. 

“Fuck off,” Charles said lightheartedly. He brought his hands up and hesitated for just a moment before resting them gently on Max’s knees. Don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be weird. Max was proud when the muscles of his thighs didn’t twitch or anything at the contact. “Now move your hand out of the way,” Charles instructed, looking down at where Max was covering himself.

“You’re bossier than I thought you’d be,” Max said, trying to sound as normal as possible. 

“Is that right?” Charles asked, hands still gripping Max’s knees. “Do you think about me often, Max Verstappen?” 

“I—” Max squeaked, which was somehow more embarrassing than sitting with his cock out. He glared at him as he said, “Fuck you.” Charles looked delighted by his words, which only made Max narrow his eyes further. “Don’t make me regret this,” Max warned, finally letting his hand fall to his side. 

Charles looked at where Max was lying soft against his thigh. “Do you need me to flirt with you or something?” 

Max scoffed. “No, asshole, I don’t need—” 

“Ohhh, Max, you’re so handsome,” Charles cooed in a high-pitched tone anyway. Max’s jaw dropped open in shock. “You’re so big and strong and fast,” Charles continued, batting his eyes at him in an exaggerated way that would be comical if he wasn’t on his knees. “Mister three-time world champion with a big dick and a—”  

Max’s cock twitched, and they both saw it happen. 

“Oh my god,” Charles said, gasping loudly before cackling. “Oh my god, that actually did it for you?” 

“No!” Max snapped, covering himself again with his hands. “Fuck you! It was a coincidence!” But he wasn’t even sure if Charles could hear him over his roaring laughter.

This might be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him.

He always knew that Charles Leclerc would be his downfall, but he never expected it to be over a blow job.

[scandinavianfairytale]

Old feelings die hard

Pairing: Jamie Tartt x Reader

Warnings: None 💙

It was his first match back at home. Manchester. He knew it'll be bad. He knew no one besides his mom and Jerry would be happy to see him.

Though his mind kept thinking of you.

Would you spare a kind word? A flash of a smile for him? Or maybe even a hug. But he didn't dare to hope. All he knew was that he wanted to find you. See you again.

Apologize.

So before the team got up for the morning practice, he put on his hoodie and jogged all the way to the café he knew you owned.

And there you were.

He stopped at the big window and stared at your smiling face as you prepared the shop to open. It was amazing to see you so content, and he was so proud. You really made it - you had your own coffee shop and a good one, according to Google reviews. It was a cozy place, walls lined with books and plants, all your favorite things. His will was wavering and his anxiety was rising, his chest heaving. But he needed to do this. It was now or never.

He entered the café carefully, and he heard you humming to yourself as the steamer made its normal high-pitched noise. You busied yourself around the coffee machine, completely oblivious to the fact that you had company observing your every move.

Jamie was trying to think of a way to pull you out of your world, but he couldn't think of a justifiable reason. You looked so happy, reaching for cups and different coffee beans. That is until you finally turned around to fill the cookie jar on the counter and let out a shriek of surprise as you found a person standing inside the still closed coffee shop.

"Jamie fucking Tartt. As I live and breathe." You finally smiled as you realized who was standing in front of you. Making your way around the counter you wrapped your arms around him. Jamie was taken aback by the sudden hug but once the initial shock wore off his hands grabbed your torso and brought you even closer to him.

"Matcha latte?" You asked as you sat him down at one of the tables at the back. With just one look at him, you knew feeding him coffee would be a bad idea.

"Sure."

"How have you been?" He asked as he waited and stared at you.

"Busy. You know how it is." You flashed him a smile, but didn't linger. "How have you been? I saw that Richmond is making stride, congrats!"

"Yeah..." Jamie didn't sound as confident or cocky as you were used to, so your head immediately snapped back from the matcha and you finally took him in. Properly this time. Before, you just assumed it might be before-game-jitters.

"Jamie, what's wrong?" You asked concerned.

"I've been meaning to contact you for a while now." He paused and met your eyes. "I've been a shit person. You didn't deserve it and I never got to say it when I got the chance, but...I love you. I always have. Since that day that you pushed me down in the forest and sat on me because I was being a cocky little prick." You smiled at that.

"I wish I could take all the bad stuff back. I wouldn't have hurt you. And I wouldn't have left. I am so sorry." Jamie hung his head.

"That must've been weighing on you for a long time." You replied with a pause. What he was talking about was something you didn't think about that often. Of course being the girlfriend of a young football star and then being left very abruptly phased you and impacted your future relationships, but therapy helped a lot. It's not just that Jamie was a prick, no sugarcoating needed there, but you weren't a sunshine either. "Jamie, we both weren't great people - we were still basically teenagers. You were going pro in football and I was going abroad for university. We would have broken up eventually or someone would have cheated and I think while the execution was not great, you did the only right thing. So, I hold absolutely no hard feelings for you." You smiled and he finally lifted his head to look at you.

"As for the confession about love...why don't you first get into the good graces of Manchester and then we can talk, I don't plan on jeopardizing my entire life because the man I want to date is hated by the whole fucking city."

"Wait...would you want to go on a date with me?" Jamie asked, looking shocked.

"Well, I'm single and the only guy I ever really loved in my life just said that he still loves me, so I guess so?" You grinned.

"Can I kiss you?" Jamie stood up from his seat, with a little more pep and you nodded, stepping closer to him with a ridiculous smile on your face. It was like muscle memory when your lips met and suddenly all the other guys made sense - you never liked kissing them as much as Jamie. Your therapist offered that idea to you but it dawned on you just now.

Thank you for reading! 😊💙

The GIF belongs to the amazing creator 😊

[xo-cod]

chef!reader and taste tester!price

sorry for taking ages, babe i hope this was what you wanted ♡

price loves everything you make, has a hard time saying anything bad because it doesn't feel right

even if you actively encourage his criticisms, he struggles to say anything bad because your food is amazing

"is this for me? it looks so good, sweetheart!"

compliments and more compliments, he's just so thankful for you :")

he's so proud of you, always liking the reviews on google that people have left you

and always critiquing the bad ones, sending them a gentle threat to remove it <3

it's been so long since someone earmed up his heart having spent the better parts of his years surrounded with guns and wars, its so nice to be somewhere far away from it for a few hours

the rest of the boys get curious why their captain is always so eager to get off work in the evening and they stalked him to your place, his face lighting up in a gentle smile when he caught sight of you

all three of them absolutely flabbergasted when he kissed you, they didn't think their captain had in him

so now your lil restaurant/cafe now welcomes another three members of the task force

price's eye twitching when they invade your space, trying to shove them out

"that's enough, out you three go. scram lads"

but you chuckling and assuring it's quite all right if they stay. johnny's eyes sparkling, gaz grinning and ghost smirking at price's muttering under his breath

you'll usually find them all seated after a long mission, your food reminds them of home and they're all incredibly homesick for it <3

price helping you clean up, no matter how much you tell him to sit back down and rest

"that's enough, pretty. i'm helping you whether you like or not"

if you're washing the dishes, he's helping dry and place them away

if you're the one clearnibg away the work surfaces, he's already disinfecting them for you

bought you the cutest apron with a matching hat because you deserve to feel spoilt all the time !!

and also your establishment is price's little safe place. the moment he comes through your doors, work is left back there and he's just john with you <3

he always goes home with a full sated stomach and you always go home to him showing his appreciation for you <33 ;)

[sistersorrow]

Finished Harrow the Ninth a couple hours ago

I'm not a reviewing type, so I'm just gonna include a bunch of things that made me have reactions and other miscellaneous things about my experience with the book

I don't care what Gideon says, the waters may be choppy, but the Harrow x Ianthe ship ain't sunk yet

TV Tropes is a godsend for me, cause it wasn't until I read the Foreshadowing page that I remembered a bunch of details I'd completely forgot about

I didn't bother to actually google how you pronounce Ianthe until 300 pages into the second book

People sold Gideon the Ninth as "lesbian necromancers in space" but Harrow the Ninth is the one where Harrow and Ianthe are both down horrendous

I had a vague inkling that The Locked Tomb was set in our future just because there were nine houses on nine planets and the Ninth House sounded like Pluto, but I did not expect this to be all but confirmed through a 10,000 year old immortal necromancer referencing the "It's for church honey" Facebook post and God himself mentioning None Pizza Left Beef

This does not however explain not 10,000 year old Gideon referencing Llamas in Hats

No one is allowed to say they Fucked Nasty Style anymore unless it involved cutting off your partner's arm and replacing it with a necromanticly animated bone one

The author confirmed on Reddit that partway through writing that scene she realised how sexually charged it felt and ran with it

My pronouns are She/ cause I'll never be Her (toxic immortal lich wife Ianthe, who killed a man and ate his soul to attain unlimited power and get her face on posters)

The author has stated that Ianthe is a very intentional Draco in Leather Pants character with the core differences being that she's a woman and as a sense of humour, which is why she is in fact Best Girl

I was left wondering if I'd imagined all the memes being referenced cause TV Tropes didn't make mention of a single one, so I checked the Locked Tomb subreddit to make sure I had not performed The Work on myself

If there are any Homestuck references, I didn't notice, cause I have expunged most of my knowledge of it

Dad jokes are the pinnacle of all humour

The Emperor is really bad at gaslighting

Harrow may have died with the last thing she ever saw being a nudie mag that doesn't exist, which is just hilarious

Ianthe did everything wrong, and that's why she's the best

Reading this book has reminded me I'm very bad at picking up on foreshadowing, hence scrolling through TV Tropes right after finishing the book

That threesome is the most uncomfortable I've been in weeks, which makes it good writing

I'm probably gonna read the short stories next then start Nona the Ninth sometime next week

[orchid-merryweather]

Ehh I guess I should make an intro post

Genderfluid (Woman [at this point even that's subject to change], demiboy, stargender, nonbinary). Pronouns: he/her/star/they/it/any prns really but I jest listed some that I specifically like (Star/stars/starself is higher up here than it would be irl because it is so much easier to use neopronouns on the internet than in real life ☠️)

Omnisexual and aspec + possibly arospec idek anymore

Minor (oh God oh fuck I'm seventeen what do you mean I'm gonna be an adult next year iM NOT READY)

Instead of listing all the things I'll just say haters dni. We all know who that means

I post fandom stuff and sometimes book reviews and lots of shitposts

I also run @author-orchids and @fixing-breaking-fixing-bad-posts pretty sure both are self explanatory

I don't really use any specialized tags for my posts but I will be using "Orchid's gender talks" whenever I decide to ponder my gender on Tumblr dot com again because I seem to do that a lot. I also use "my irl friends :3" when I interact with real people

I have other blogs but if you want to connect my gimmicks to my main you have to hunt me down

This blog supports queer people! That DOES include, aces and aros and that DOES include the people that are queer and straight (trans and straight, ace and straight, etc) and that DOES include people who are attracted to multiple genders who are in a straight relationship

This blog stands with Palestine

This blog stands with Ukraine

And this blog does NOT support trump

This blog supports The Claims Adjuster (ALLEGEDLY, allegedly Luigi is a hero)

Deny, Defend, Despose.

"War does not determine who is right, only who is left" -(if anyone can tell me who first said that quote, I'd really appreciate it, Google isn't being helpful rn)

It's the roaring 20's again, but instead of some roar of progress, it's the roar of some great beast.

[birindale]

Hi I just wanted to double check something I am pretty sure I read on this blog. Is the origin of C'yra of D'riluth iii from the original cannon or was it a later addition? Also what does "of D'riluth iii" actually mean? I remember there being some vagueness to what it means

Okay there's a long version and a short version of this story.

Short version: It was a later addition. In 2008 Mattel launched a toy line called Masters of the Universe Classics, which could only be ordered through their website and was aimed at the collector market. One of the things they did was include "character bios" in a sort of homage to the G.I. Joe toys of the 80s, which featured 'personnel files' that gave specializations and a brief character history, including their real names (e.g. Duke was actually named Conrad S. Hauser).

Catra's figure was released in 2011 for about $65 USD. Her bio (which I've lifted from a Poe Ghostal review) is as follows:

We (I, and my friends whom I've pestered for opinions) are pretty sure D'Riluth III is the name of her planet, even though another planet in the same solar system (from the New Adventures of He-Man in the 90s) has the Arabic numeral 7, so including Roman numerals is a strange choice.

Long version: There was a fellow working for Mattel at the time named Scott "Toyguru" Neitlich, and he was (and remains to this day) exceptionally bad at things like 'writing' and 'creativity'. He was never very interested in She-Ra, though he loves to tell the story of stealing his sister's doll one year, so to him Catra is simply an agent of the Horde... which, in order to adhere to the 2002-2003 tv show, was now 5,000 years old. This bio directly contradicts the Filmation canon of Catra's mask having belonged to the Magicat queen, for instance, and introduces a number of confusing details.

One of the least popular was Adora being Hordak's "step-daughter" instead of his "adopted daughter", which was already kind of a gray area since he didn't exactly raise her. Scott digging in his heels on the matter was actually how I learned he'd written the thing in the first place:

Now you may be wondering, jeez, it's pretty confusing and the writing isn't great but aren't you being kind of harsh? Surely the push-back from the He-Fans was bad enough. Well give me a minute, dang. This is the long version!

I reached out to him about a year and half ago to ask 1. How it's pronounced, 2. If he could confirm that D'Riluth III is the planet, and 3. If he remembered how he came up with it. He told me the following:

Some backstory here--Scott runs a bit of a one-man content farm, in an effort to avoid paying hosting fees for advertisements or actually engaging in SEO. He is a marketing consultant.

He used to upload a 5-10 minute video every day, but shortly after I contacted him that dropped to only five a week, and his weekly "Director's Commentary" videos about MOTUC figures that he worked on (largely just explaining who the character even is in an unedited stream of consciousness, as his videos became slideshows of google images) moved to bi-weekly.

I was like, okay, he left Mattel in 2014 right? So surely once he's through that year he'll get to this new series.

Nope! He's doing 2015 too! So I reached out again in January, just to like. See if he was still intending to cover the 'real names', which imo should have been part of his commentary to begin with, but...

He had forgotten <3 I explained no, I was asking about these specific questions that I had outlined in my first email (I had replied to his last message in the chain for simplicity's sake), and he just said he'd be doing it soon. So I was like oh, cool, do you know if you'll be doing one a week still? since that would put a Catra video about 4 years out as he does them in release order, and he then promised he'd get to it soon and didn't answer the question.

Annoying, certainly, but whatever. Unless one of us dies horribly I can wait it out, right?

WRONG.

Scott, being an idiot, has not credited a single one of the images he lifted from google over his four years of mostly-daily slideshows. And recently, somebody fucking noticed!

So this guy--Ethan Wilson, a very talented toy photographer and reviewer--was informed that Scott (in his capacity as Spector Creative, the name of his YouTube channel/consulting business) had been using his pictures in videos. Actually, let me use Ethan's own words here:

I decided to dig a little deeper into Spector’s channel, and found 81 instances of my photos being used in 68 of the channels videos.  None of these featured credit to me for use of the photos, and 48 of the 81 instances removed or obstructed my watermarks.

-About This Spector Creative Thing

I very strongly encourage you to read through this linked post, as it gets worse! Somehow!!

Scott, not noticing these as they came in over the course of 10 days, logged in to discover his channel had been taken down. He emailed Ethan in something of a panic to ask that Ethan reverse the claims as a 'professional favor', as Scott got all his clients through his channel's "advertising".

Now you're never gonna believe this... but when he and Ethan came to an understanding, suddenly Scott didn't give a shit.

He released a libelous video claiming Ethan had no rights to the images (he does) and that Scott could use them all he wanted because of Fair Use (he can't) and emailed Ethan the following.

First of all: this is bullshit. Copyright is automatic in the US, trademark wouldn't apply regardless, and as Scott should fucking know by now Ethan doesn't have a 'channel', he has a blog.

Second, he shot himself in the foot with the Fair Use defense by outright stating that his channel is his exclusive advertisement for his business and that he depends on his content to make a living. He said in his first video that it was "educational" 🙄

So Ethan realized Scott was a Fucking Liar and decided he should just copyright claim the rest of Scott's shit, in order to protect his images and rights thereto. YouTube can't take the channel down again unless Ethan is willing to pursue legal action--which he isn't, because he has a full time job and two kids and even though he'd probably win, it's a lot of time and energy.

I and a few others were trying to convince him that it would be worth it anyway, and looking into identifying and contacting the other artists Scott's stolen from over the years, when... Scott released a book. His first-ever graphic novel [looks into the camera like i'm on the office]

drawn entirely by AI.

So we have a frankenstein's monster of copyright infringement masquerading as illustrations (with all the uncanny valley that implies), Scott's technically and practically terrible writing, and the plot is Greek mythology. There are four and a half typos just in the free sample, and that's not including the words in images like his map or logo. He claims the title is a registered trademark but it certainly isn't registered in his state, or federally, and it's already in use by several other brands, so I wouldn't believe him even if he hadn't demonstrated a lack of understanding of copyright & trademark as recently as last week.

So I'm kinda fucking done waiting for answers! I can't trust a thing out of this guy's mouth! And he's pretty stupid, so do I even care what he thinks? I have decided that no. No I do not. I'll check back in 2028 and if he's survived + actually followed through then maybe I'll give his video a watch but until then it is simply pissing me off to remember this guy exists.

Sorry this turned into a rant I'm just really starting to loathe the guy. It's been an infuriating week or two. But uh... No, it's only canon to this one action figure line that ran for a little over a decade. We're certainly not beholden to it, it's more of a fun little in-joke for the fandom these days. You see someone use C'yra and you're like haha I know her! It's fun :3 Regardless of Scott's bullshit I enjoy seeing it around, and it's not like he owns or benefits from it in any way when maybe 1% of the people using it know where it comes from (and the people who know it was him specifically may be limited to the followers that have watched me complain about it).

Thank you for asking, I really do love asks even if the answer isn't what I want it to be lol. I'm happy to verify or explain anything I can!

[t-am-i-the-asshole]

WIBTA for telling a fanfic author how much their fanfic meant to me as a teenager?

As a fanfic author, title is not as clear cut as it sounds.

All you need to know about me is I'm 30 now, and I discovered this fanfic at 14.

When I first started discovering fanfiction and fandom, I ended up reading a lot of fic for this one kind of small fandom I'm still in now. When I found the fanfic it was kind of a random search since it didn't even have the characters I was looking for tagged, but I took the chance on it and gave it a read, and ended up hyperfixated on it. I couldn't speak up for the quality of the fanfic nowadays, but to 14 year old me, it was the best thing I could've ever read. I loved it, I loved the characters, I thought it was absolutely amazing. I probably read it ten times over the six months I hyperfixated on it, and it was not a short read.

Now also at age 14, I really wanted to be an aspiring fanfic author as well. And so I did what any neurodivergent teenager does when finding a new hyperfixtion: I wrote myself into the fanfic.

Now I did have some common sense. I knew that rewriting somebody else's fanfic was a big taboo and all, so I deemed it my "writing practice document" and so I spent hours upon hours writing this fanfic just for myself, and then when I moved onto a real fandom hyperfixation, I moved on and stopped writing it and never bothered backing it up, so the story is gone.

And if that was where this begins and ends, it'd be fine. But the thing about this fanfic is that the main character was a self insert (the author said as much.) This meant that I ended up accidentally in a parasocial relationship with an author who only knew I existed because of a single review I left without even having an account on the website. Because I wrote their self insert and my self insert as best friends. And while logically at the time I knew my version of events for the fic were just that, my version of the story, I'd convinced myself that we were going to actually become bffs. This was especially bad because I didn't really have a lot of friends in high school, and so I really, really wanted this fictional friendship with the author's self insert to become real.

Anyways like I said, got into real fandoms, moved on from the awkward parasocial relationship, and the fanfic ended up becoming just a fond memory of mine to occasionally revisit.

Until today. I was looking up images of the canon characters on google for a powerpoint I'm working on and a piece of fanart popped up in the recommended featuring their version of the characters. (And yes, their version is visually distinct enough to be immediately identified despite me having never found their art before this moment.) I was startled, and realized that I'd found their account on another site.

Despite the fic being ancient at this point, I really do want to reach out to tell them how important their fic was. Even if they don't know how or why, I know somebody messaging me something like that would absolutely make my night. But the issue is is that obviously like...there's a lot of baggage here. I formed a parasocial relationship with a fanfic author and rewrote their fic for myself and while I wouldn't mention it to them I do feel like maybe because of the level of degree I obsessed with this fic it probably wouldn't be the smartest idea and idk, it could probably make them a bit uncomfortable to have somebody show up in the inbox of an account where they didn't post the fanfic saying "Hey so back when I was a kid I read your fanfic and absolutely loved it" as well. But the site they posted the fanfic on is definitely barely functioning now adays well enough for me to message them about loving the fic there since I doubt anybody even still uses it.

So tumblr, WIBTA?

[90percentstudios]

an update on bringing ckc to google play

this is partially a rant and partially an update on how porting ckc has been, ((it's probably very boring so feel free to read the tldr)). after having gotten the entire pa series on the platform i thought this'd go smoother, but i guess i was wrong. every time we submitted the game for review we were notified of an issue (which is fair, google's got policies and standards and whatnot, that's okay, and these were very fixable, albeit, required a lot of guessing and checking given how vague the issue notifications were, i'm just frustrated with the last issue):

issue 1: inaccurate target audience. google play presumed the game was for kids for two reasons: "animated characters in the app icon" and "multiple references to keywords related to children" in the app description. which means can't have cody in the icon (i tried a few different versions of the icon where i tried to make him look less toony, but had to resort to using the ckc logo because it seemed google just wasn't having it, though it's hard to tell with how vague their emails were). i also removed as many instances of the word "kid" as possible (so yup, can't talk about cool kids in the app description). thankfully they didn't make me change the game's name too. after a few resubmissions they've notified us of a new issue.

issue 2: violation of misleading claims policy. okay this was my bad, the changed icon was reflected in the google play store but not the app itself. fixed this real quick, and then they hit me with another warning.

issue 3: violation of broken functionality policy, "app installs but doesn't load". the game does load on every testing environment we use, on our own phones, we can make in-app purchases and everything. we kinda saw this coming though since we were issued this warning with all the purrfect apawcalypse games. a lot of other devs who use renpy have also complained about this. andy and i are pretty convinced this is an issue on google's end, but no matter how much pestering the renpy community does it seems like google's not interested in trying to work with us to fix this. purrfect apawcalypse seemed to be approved randomly after spamming submissions, so we kind of assume something about google's testing environment depends on... what tester you got? the time of day you submit? the freakin' weather? we planned to submit ckc for review again until:

issue 4: violation of enforcement process policy. app status: "suspended". yup, hours after getting an email about issue #3, cool kid cody got suspended because of "repeated app rejections". surprising, given we submitted ckc a total of 7 times, which i just didn't think was a lot given the dozens of times we submitted purrfect apawcalypse.

there was no heads up from google, no "you've got 1 submission left", no real back and forth with a human, which i guess is to be expected from the giant machine that is google but man, i would've loved if someone emailed us saying "HEY DUMBASS, you keep submitting this game but we have an issue with THIS part specifically, this word here, this part of the image here", instead of the same "app installs, but doesn't load" vague bs. give us something to help us fix the issue. i'm happy to fix it, just give me a logcat or something damn.

anyway, all this is to say i'm pretty disappointed with this whole process. i've submitted an appeal and if that doesn't work then at least google told us "you can submit an updated, policy compliant app using a new package name and a new app name". (so i guess we might have to change the app's name anyway? who knows). what's sad is this game was so ready, and why was this an issue with ckc but not pa? maaaaaaaaan.

tldr: we're having trouble getting cool kid cody on google play, we put in an appeal but there's just no knowing when ckc will be approved if ever.

[pancakeke]

I can't believe someone would go to a Mexican restaurant and bitch about them using Spanish. good on you for reporting them jfc

I know right its fucked!! Like that's who makes the food you dumb dick how are you giving racism a higher priority than a delicious meal.

Context for anyone who didn't read that essay of tags but I saw a bunch of 1 star reviews left for restaurants that just said "menu was in spanish not english". Also there were plenty that said "no one here speaks english" which wasn't even true!! racist assholes just feel so threatened when hear any amount of spanish.

I highly encourage people to look up reviews for local restaurants (on google at least) and check for dickheads leaving bad reviews on places where staff commonly speak anything other than english. I was only looking for ice cream in one smallish area and reported easily a dozen racist reviews across three or four restaurants.

I think businesses can claim the pages that google generates automatically, and then those businesses can moderate the content on their page. Cause I've seen places where a "business owner" responds to reviews. But most of these pages seem to be unclaimed, and if the owner isn't watching then a bunch of dickhead reviews can pile up.