#so I just live in this limbo. and I do a good job most of time ignoring the fact that I do

[vanibear]

we have now reached the stage of family vacation where i have a meltdown

[lexirosewrites]

We are so back!

Rejection sickness is probably my all-time favorite trope from Omegaverse and as suck I love to inflict it on my favorite guy, Steve.

His parents aren't around, he goes through a secondary pack breakup, his Alpha says she doesn't love him and then cheats on him, he gets the shit beaten out of him, and he becomes the only leader of a secondary pack of feral middle schoolers all in the span of about a year. Omegas crave stability and they need pack and by the end of season two, Steve has been rejected by an Alpha he had a quasi-bond with and put through a level of mental and physical stress most Omegas, most Alphas even, will never come close to experiencing in their entire lives before he's 18.

The whole thing results in a rapid and brutal drop the likes of which Hawkins general has never dealt with. One minute he's getting checked for a concussion and the next he's collapsing on the floor. When he wakes up he's disoriented, confused, in a shit load of pain and alarm bells are ringing in his ears for no discernable reason. His instincts are going wild and his body is pumping out obscene amounts of distress pheromones, calling for an Alpha to help him and the longer his distress goes without being answered the more he drops. The doctors and nurses are clamoring to get him hooked up with hormone stabilizers, but they can only do so much for an Omega this deep in a drop.

Eventually, they do stabilize him but it's not going to be enough to bring him back. The mixture of physical and emotional distress means his body is trying to shut down on all fronts, leaving him in a kind of limbo at risk of slipping away completely. The kids all come and try to bring him back with pack scents and cuddling but while it does help it's not enough to bring Steve all the way back, even when he's trying so hard to just snap out of it so he can be there for his pups.

The hospital tries to find him a suitable Alpha match to be his caretaker and walk him back from the edge, but his extreme state makes him highly sensitive to unfamiliar scents and none of them end up working out. In a last-ditch effort, the hospital reaches out to his former Alpha, Nancy, with the hopes that if the Alpha who triggered the drop takes care of him his Omega hindbrain will be convinced that they have been taken back and proven themselves a good Omega.

Nancy agrees, guilt-ridden by her part in Steve's condition even if she knows it's not entirely because of her rejection, agrees to try and bring Steve back.

It has the complete opposite effect. As soon as Nancy enters the room Steve starts making the most heartbreaking distressed sounds, whimpering and crying out and eventually starting to thrash around and aggravate his wounds in his attempts to hide away in the corner of his hospital bed.

Nancy is immediately ushered out while the nurses try their best to get Steve stable again, but it's not looking good.

Fortunately for them all, Alpha Eddie Munson happens to be at the hospital stopping in with Wayne who's visiting a coworker who got injured on the job. He's waiting out in the hallway giving them space when the most heartwrenching cries break the silence. His instincts immediately go into overdrive because that is an Omega in extreme distress and his Alpha needs to help them now.

He gets to the room at the end of the hall to see Steve Harrington of all people surrounded by medical staff all trying desperately to calm him down. Before the nurses can spot him and get him to leave the room Eddie is emitting calming pheromones on max and crooning into the room. The staff are preparing to haul him out when they notice that Steve is starting to settle.

The Omega has stopped his thrashing and I looking at Eddie with big, pleading eyes. He looks at the Alpha like he's water in the desert, the one thing he's been searching desperately for. Eddie doesn't know Steve all that well but seeing the way the other Omega starts reaching for him from his sick bed he doesn't hesitate to push past the hospital staff and scoop the Omega into his arm.

Steve immediately buries his nose in Eddie's neck to get as close to that perfectly comforting scent as possible. It isn't long before he's sobbing with relief into Eddie's shirt. Finally, finally, a safe Alpha has come to help him. Eddie holds him and coos at him while he gets it out, snarling at the medical staff when they try to get close enough to check on their patient. Eventually, Steve's sobs taper off into soft whimpers which turn into sleepy purrs and kneading hands.

Eddie ends up staying with Steve, keeping him stable through the rest of his recovery. He never leaves Steve's side, and by the time Steve is finally ready to be discharged from the hospital Eddie presents him with his first courting offer, his mother's ring which just so happens to fit perfectly on the right finger of Steve's left hand.

if disliking omegaverse whump, omega drops, rejection sickness, and hurt/comfort is wrong, then i don’t wanna be right🥺

[lieslab]

Blood, bones, and teeth erode

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Chan X gn reader

Summary: After not being able to land a job in the field you want to pursue, it feels like it might be the end of everything and that's when your boyfriend finds you.

Genre: Comfort/hurt

Word Count: 2.5K

Trigger warning: Anxiety, depression, insecurities, implications of starvation, self-harm, and suicide.

A/N: I didn't mean to make two back-to-back Chan posts, but here we are. I had some free time and I finally wrote this request and I just think you should know that I cried a lot, so buckle your seatbelts. After this, there's another Chan request, but before that, I'm going to throw up a Minho one. Anyway, I hope you enjoy <3

_ _ _

When you’re a kid, the impossible seems possible. Full of life and optimism, the world is your oyster. When you announce you’re going to be an astronaut and fly to space, people smile and laugh. It’s one of those childish dreams that most adults understand will fade over time. 

Working through the ranks, performing all the training to become an astronaut, it seems impossible in their heads. Too much work, too much time, and it turns into one of those dreams that fizzles out and turns into stardust. Blown just out of sight and out of mind, you reach in your back pocket for another dream, so you can try again. 

Childhood is full of dreams like this. Race car drivers screeching around the track and leaving everyone in the dust. Professional football players that do a celebratory dance when they score the winning touchdown. Supermodels that travel the world and walk the runway. Marine biologists who live on boats and spend their time exploring and studying the life below water. 

For you, your dreams didn’t really change much. You knew what you wanted to do and you had your sights on making dreams your reality. You planned on doing anything you could to reach your dreams and it never changed. 

When you’re a kid, the adults leave out the grueling part of reality. Nobody wants to be responsible for crushing the innocence that comes with childhood. Not yet grown, kids don’t fully grasp the magnitude of everything they’re speaking about. 

They don’t understand that becoming a good race car driver requires lots of practice races. Football players struggle with sore muscles and a body warped with bruises and aches. Supermodels obtain a certain image and no matter what, they’re supposed to carry that look, even if it means you’re unhappy, anything for the camera. As for marine biologists, a variety of science classes, no matter how boring, must be sat through. 

Dreams are always possible, but it’s up to you to conquer them. They’re always evolving and changing and so are you. Another birthday, another year older, and another year full of experiences and opportunities that help you grow and learn. 

You did everything you could to obtain the knowledge to grow your craft. Whether it was attending classes about it, gaining a degree in the field, or even networking and trying to find your people. You felt like you did everything right, but the answer always seemed to be no. 

Every job application you jumped at, you were always turned away. When you managed to get an interview and truly thought you’d aced it, it always went the opposite of how you expected it to. The industry was hard to break into and you knew that, but you were burning with passion. 

Your resume wasn’t the greatest and you wanted to improve it. By adding a portfolio along with it, you assumed that was the trick, but you had nothing to put there. No matter what you did, you couldn’t catch the eye of the management teams. 

The journey started at the beginning of the year and now it had been months. You couldn’t remember how many interviews you attended. You always expected a call back, but it never happened. If you were lucky, sometimes someone was nice enough to reach out and reject you. Other times, you were left in a silent limbo. A constant wondering and waiting, but it never came to fruition. 

You had a job, yeah, but it wasn’t in the industry you craved. It wasn’t the kind that lit a passion within you and made your heart quicken with excitement. You didn’t get a sense of inner fulfillment. In fact, every day you were faced with an influx of dread. As more and more time passed, it began to feel more and more pointless. 

It was getting harder and harder to hide your irritation and sadness from your boyfriend. Lately, you had been turning away meals. Staying up late at night, you wanted to extend your me time. You did, but getting up in the mornings was like hell on earth now. 

The bags began to become more and more prominent beneath your eyes. Once upon a time the small brown bags shifted into purple. You were emotionally and physically exhausted, but you’d never admit it. 

To make it all worse, lately your thoughts had been spiraling out of control. The things you thought about and the direction your brain crept towards, you were sure Chan would lose his mind. 

He loved you a lot and you appreciated it a ton. At least, you used to appreciate it. Your confidence levels had begun to droop lower and lower. Lately, even dating your boyfriend, seemed to feel pointless. He was a rich k-pop idol and you? Well, you were stuck at your miserable job. You were horrified at who you were morphing into, but you didn’t know how to stop it. 

How do you stop the restless thoughts? The anxiety and worry that suffocated you every night? How did you stop running from your problems and letting them swallow you whole? Would it ever stop? 

“Hey, it’s getting late. Why aren’t you in bed yet? You should be asleep, I thought you said you had work in the morning.” 

You blinked, trying to focus on Chan’s words. Outside in the darkness, crickets chirped and you were left alone in the pitch black. The only thing saving you from blending in with the cloudless night was the faint porch light a few feet away. 

Moths fluttered around it without a care in the world. Their fuzzy bodies lightly plunked against the glass shell covering the bulb. They were the only thing to keep you company this late at night. 

“What are you doing out here?” 

You shrugged at the words and let your gaze venture off into the darkness. Off in the distance, frogs croaked somewhere near a source of water. Nostalgia trickled through your veins, but it was faint. The sound reminded you of childhood, fresh cut grass, and the warmth radiating from the summer sun. Humidity snuffed out any small breeze from the air. 

“I just needed a moment,” you finally uttered. 

“Is this about the-” 

“Please don’t say it. It’s already embarrassing not being called back by anyone. I don’t want you to say it outloud. I know, it's so much worse than expected. I don’t want to hear a pep talk from you right now. I love you so much, but maybe sometimes…” Your voice began to trail off as it softened. You sucked in a deep breath and went on. “Maybe dreams are meant to be just dreams.” 

Someone jammed a needle into his heart. He physically felt his heart strings twist and then his heart popped. Slumped back into your chair, you looked utterly defeated. Your chin curled towards your chest and you were trying so hard to be strong, but he knew you were internally distraught. 

“You and I both know that’s not true,” he whispered. “I want to tell you how much you mean to me and how much they’re all missing out on. However, if you don’t want to hear that right now, I’ll respect it. Whatever happens, please just don’t shut me out again.” 

Again. 

It was a piercing and heart-wrenching reminder that you had been down this road before. Insecurities and judgment clouded your vision. You became your own worst enemy and it spiraled out of control. No words could describe the utter hate and anguish you felt towards yourself. 

You began to inflict damage to yourself. Pulling away from meals just to feel the aching pain of hunger. Forcing yourself to stay up late to finish work because you felt like you deserved it. Every little thing barrel rolled until you got to the point where you wanted to end it all. 

You walked this path before and it was the exact path you were striding towards again. The missing meals, the staying up too late, and the scorching hot showers that burnt your skin. Pushing your vulnerable mentality to its limit as you scrolled through the social media posts of your favorite celebrities and idols; another fleeting reminder that they were doing so much better than you were. 

It was so easy to lay down and rot. Fighting for your dreams was so difficult when they seemed so far away. Even worse, you hated to know that your boyfriend knew just how far you’d take this self-hatred and loathing. You hated that he viewed you like some glass paperweight, but it was true. You were free falling and you could shatter apart at any moment. 

“Bang Chan?” 

He reached out and slipped his hand into yours. Warm fingers curled around your palm and he gently squeezed your hand. “What is it?” 

“It’s getting bad again.” 

“Where you feel like you might-” 

“Yes,” you cut him off. “It’s not even that I might. I feel like if things don’t turn around soon, I might just…” The words cut off in your throat. You hated feeling so vulnerable, but you loved him. 

Maybe you said the words because you wanted to warn him that within the next few days, he might find your corpse. Your thoughts were growing darker and darker and darker. As selfish as some might see it, you just wanted it to stop. You wanted the world to go silent and you wanted inner peace. 

There is no escaping when your biggest critic is your own brain. No matter what you do, your brain screams that it’s wrong. You’re trapped in a cage with your own worst enemy and there’s nothing you can do. It was so bad that the usual things weren’t helping. 

You tried to watch tv, but you kept zoning out and replaying scenes from the past. The embarrassment and stress of previous conversations felt like drowning in a tsunami. You tried to read, but you couldn’t get through a page. Your brain would whisper between the words and soon you’d lose your place. 

You loved music, but even your brain was stealing that away from you. You were attached to the sad and sappy stuff. It was how you felt right now, but listening to those songs made the sadness so much worse. It was like adding water to a grease fire; the flames of sadness rose higher and the smoke was suffocating. 

“I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know how to stop feeling like this. No matter what I do, it looms overhead like a shadow. I’m scared, I’m sad, and I’m terrified. I don’t know how to get my brain to shut up.” 

The tears welled up in your eyes more. Your breathing was growing more uneven as you struggled to stop the sobs from falling from your lips. “I’m trying s-so hard, but-” 

“Sweetheart, it’s okay, I understand.” Chan gently tugged your arm, a gesture for you to rise to your feet. You allowed him to and when you did, he pulled you into an embrace. 

He pushed your head into his chest and your ear to his heartbeat. Your eyes slipped shut and you clung onto the sound of the steady wallop. One arm wrapped around your back and the other went to the back of your head. 

“Sometimes we all feel a little lost and defeated. That doesn’t make you worth any less to me. No matter what your brain says, I still love you.” 

“I’m sorry.” 

“For what? For being upset and frustrated when things aren’t going your way? I understand what that’s like, honey. I’ve been there and I still find myself drifting back there sometimes.” His hand began to rub along the length of your spine. 

“Life can be so hard sometimes, but you know what the most important part is?” 

You didn’t respond. The lump in your throat was far too much. You were sure that you’d break down if you spoke right now. Your nostrils flared and your fingers dug into the lower fabric of his shirt. 

“The most important part is that I’m right here. You’re allowed to fall apart and grieve. I’m not going anywhere and I’m here for you. You don’t have to allow yourself to drown in this alone. I know what it’s like to have your brain be against you, so listen to me.” 

“You are one of the most amazing and loving people that I’ve ever met. You fight like hell to make your dreams come true when most people would have given up after a few weeks. There are people out there who are where you are and made something of themselves, even if they had to think outside the box.” 

“Maybe you’re not where you want to be, but I have no issues with believing that you’ll get there. You’re stronger than most with a good head on your shoulders. You’re intelligent, talented, and you have a passion. Don’t let this be the end of your story, let it be the beginning.” 

Caught off guard by his words, your eyes opened. It took you a few moments to let the words settle into your soul. You stared off into the darkness and let the words reply in your head. 

“You don’t have to have everything figured out right now. You don’t have to be perfect. The most important thing is that you’re trying to get where you’re going.” 

“Walt Disney was fired from a job and told he lacked imagination. Thomas Edison created the lightbulb after a teacher said he was too stupid to learn anything. Stephen King had a book rejected thirty times before he found someone who would take a chance and publish it.” 

“My point is that you never know what kind of life is waiting for you. If you give up now, you’ll never see what’s on the other side of the rain clouds. Sometimes rainbows are just out of reach.” 

He leaned forward and rested his chin on the top of your head. Your eyes slipped shut again and his arms wrapped around you tighter. The sounds of wildlife continued on in the background. 

“Thank you,” you finally managed to get out. Your voice was hoarse and you still felt like crying. It was nice to be reminded that other people had failures before their dreams came true. 

“Don’t mention it, sweetheart. I think you need some love, so I’m just gonna-” He shifted and pulled you on top of him as he sat in the chair you were in. Your ear remained pressed against his chest and his arms resumed their rightful places. “I’m going to hold you for a while, okay? I think you really need that.” 

You couldn’t get the words to come out, but you wanted to say you loved him. You did. You loved all of him. You loved all of him and you’d never stop loving him. Giving up meant losing this; the warmth, the words, and the wildlife. As much as you struggled with it, you were still going to fight like hell to make your dreams come true. 

After all, the inner child in you deserved it. 

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @lina-linny @straykidsstanforeverandever @seungnishi @stellasays45

Masterlist

Taglist and inbox rules

[xjulixred45x]

I HAVE A ANGST IDEA FOR A HADES GAME READER!

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

Did you see how Demeter made all life on earth incredibly difficult for mortals as punishment for having "stolen her daughter"? Well, based on the fact that in myths people literally DYING OF STARVATION (and apparently in the game, of cold) this idea came to me.

Imagine that the reader is a normal mortal, nothing particularly remarkable, EXCEPT that she is a farmer with the rest of her family, who just before the eternal winter came, they worshiped Demeter so they could have good crops and so on.

but then, without warning, winter arrives.

At first it's not so bad, because they can ration certain things and get by with some groceries, but as the months go by and the winter continues to get worse, so does the situation in the reader's house.

The surrounding villages begin to have pests, have problems with resources, not having to eat, etc. and the first deaths begin thanks to this, which quickly spread throughout the community where the reader lives.

The first to fall from the family are the most vulnerable, the grandparents and children of the reader's younger siblings, to whom they perform the appropriate funeral rituals along with all the people who had already died due to the winter.

Everyone's life is turned upside down trying to find ways to survive without having a coast to fish and with now few animals, and the cold gets worse and worse...

The community soon begins to decay and reader participates in the funeral rituals out of respect and to not think about the horrible situation, becoming more educated in the chnotic gods.

They are all desperate to survive, but the snow makes it almost impossible to leave the city where they live, so they are stuck.

It doesn't take long until the reader's parents also succumb, either from illness, from the cold, or from starvation from giving all the food to their surviving child.

and it's not even the worst.

reader is now sick too. So the remaining people of the town cannot allow her to make them all sick and kill them, so after giving the proper services to her family, they lock her in her own house.

but at this point the reader is so tired that she doesn't even mind being isolated. but she knows one thing. she can't allow herself to die like this. not because it is degrading or unfair, but because she knows that if she dies and no one performs an adequate ritual for her, she will not even see her family in the afterlife.

all the pain and suffering in vain.

So against all odds, the reader finds ways to survive on her own at home, constantly being in the limbo of life and death due to her horrible health.

and, thanks to this, the reader meets Thanatos.

I think I'll leave it vague if the relationship would be platonic or romantic, but they definitely got off to a bad start.

We already know that Thanatos finds his work exhausting, so the fact that the reader clung to life and did not want to leave even when she was in horrible conditions bothered him to no end.

and on the other hand, the reader OBVIOUSLY did not want to die and it was annoying that he wished her dead (even if it was technically his job?) and that led to several verbal fights. at first.

Thanatos appeared at the reader's house when she was especially weak, whether she could not move on her own, had respiratory attacks and/or was in special pain, etc. episodes that, although temporary, were still close encounters with death.

When Reader and Thanatos eventually get tired of insulting each other in these moments, at first they just wait to see whether Reader will survive this particular episode or not, in a rather tense silence.

It is not until the third or fourth time this happens that the reader begins a conversation with Thanatos in an "informal" way.

As one can imagine, at first Thanatos didn't even react or try to continue with said conversation, just do his job and leave, but as time went by he began to show more signs of listening to what the reader was saying. and eventually even give short answers.

He doesn't share much, but now the reader doesn't go crazy being alone.

I also imagine that on some occasions, when the reader can't move much, she DRAG to go get food/medicine, which bothers Thanatos because it seems 1- unhygienic and 2- stupid in a certain sense, mortals get sick because of it. not taking care of themselves, does she NOT want to get better?

It is from there that their relationship begins to improve, but the reader's health worsens every day.

It's the same as what happens with the other villagers that Thanatos collects, weakness, coughing up blood, pain in the rib cage, inability to eat, difficulty breathing--

but even so, the reader STILL wants to cling to this miserable existence, she can't even eat or stand anymore and STILL doesn't want to leave...

WHY? WHY SUFFER THIS WAY INSTEAD OF SIMPLY DIE?

and the reader's response is quite simple.

There is no one who can give her a burial, but her family did have one, without that she would simply wander through the Underworld and be alone AGAIN.

but at the same time, the reader no longer has the strength to continue holding on, the pain is UNBEARABLE and the little energy she has leaves her...

Thanatos is there, at least.

I like to think that the reader would agree to go with Thanatos VOLUNTARILY if he even lets her see her family one last time, thus dying peacefully.

And it would be especially ironic if by chance the reader ends up as a shadow in the house of Hades😅

I think that in general, a deceased reader would be like a more responsible Hypnos, she is not going to bother the GOD OF DEATH so she does the minimum ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

She is definitely happier now that she is no longer in pain, but she was quite traumatized by the experience :') although on the positive side, she is one of the few people who can play pranks on Thanaros with almost no consequences!

simply....mortal reader sheneigans.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Maybe i could use this Reader with another characters? Idk. I didn't know how to finish this but i like it!

[the-owl-tree]

Okay, end of live read bullet point time:

I liked the pacing of this book a lot, I think Star is definitely my favorite book from ASC so far even if it's lacking in a lot of departments.

It's a shame the previous books couldn't maintain this pace or outright wasted time. I feel like I got a glimpse of what this arc could have been with just a little more time to cook (and less time wasted with journeying!)

They did a really good job with using their three POVs to make sure that the reader always had eyes in every piece of action, no more clone POVs in the same Clan! Nightheart was good here, I think they should have gotten him into RC earlier.

This book is so close to doing something really special for the series and just fumbles at the last minute in a really painful way that I don't like. I feel like I'm watching hockey and somehow the player keeps missing an empty net.

The books sets up some really good conclusions and just...doesn't see them through to the extent they should.

The theme of my live read was: it's just so close to getting it and then it doesn't get it. It hurts man.

Character wise, I liked how most of the characters were utilized: Frostdawn was fantastic throughout, I really do like how they showed her neglecting herself and being forced to eat and slow down.

I love that she misses her mom despite it all, that when she's scared, she seeks out Curlfeather.

Their confrontation was just so so close to being fantastic, I just wish it didn't end with Frostdawn insisting the status quo was good. Girl!! It wasn't!!!!!!

I really wish her choice to return was, well, her choice. She's essentially ripped from limbo and is just like "oh they do like me :D". RiverClan doesn't really reconcile with how they hurt her, at least not in a satisfying way.

Sunbeam was good, really liked her complicated feelings with her mother. I like how she's come a long way to being a little more mindful, sad that she and Lightleap never reconciled at all. Hurts me :(

Nightheart was good, they finally used his damn POV in a useful way! Until the final chapter. which, well. was bad.

really should've just ended on Frostdawn's chapter, like his character was so disjointed and disconnected from the rest of the plot. It was a bad place to end the book (continuing the theme of the book being SO close to doing it right and fumbling it lol)

probably more thoughts, otherwise uh i enjoyed myself even if i was disappointed.

rating: it's so fucking close to being really good/10

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for disclosing how much my partner makes to an acquaintance?

For context my partner makes a fair bit of money at their job as an engineer. I have never made much more than minimum wage, work in a difficult field and am still in grad school. Essentially I have a net worth deep in the negatives from student debt and while my parents have helped me out on small stuff they are retired/partially retired.

The disparity of wealth in my relationship with my partner HAS been a source of strife between us.

In a casual conversation today, with my mom and some of coworkers who I know fairly well (I work pretty regularly with them and fill for absent employees at my moms work), they were asking some questions about my partner and our relationship. I expressed some stress in our relationship regarding funds and the disparity between where I am in my career/life and where my partner is.

My mom’s coworker asked how much my partner made so I told her. She asked so I told her. I didn’t really think twice - I’m pretty open with my own friends and family about how much I make and they are with me (I feel like a lot of young people are more open then older generations when it comes to salary) and I was also trying to emphasize my own frustration with some of my partners habits in our relationship. my partner is fairly obsessive with saving money/reducing spending which is obviously a lot easier to do when you make as much money as they do and puts that pressure very heavily on me despite our very different financial realities.

Also for more context - I don’t share funds or live with my partner. At most my partner pays for dates bc of their more stable financial situation - but other than that they don’t help directly besides offering advice.

Later that day my mom told me I was an asshole for sharing that as that coworker is having financial troubles right now and her husband is laid off. And telling her how much someone half her age makes is rude, since it’s a lot more than she and her husband make right now.

After hearing that I feel like I am the ass hole for being so willing to share that number since it is high. But I was not trying to brag (honestly if anything I was more using number to drive home how out of touch my partner is with what it’s like to legitimately struggle to buy food, pay rent etc)

One final note - I probs made my relationship sound toxic af. Don’t worry it’s all good - I’m all good my partner is good we just get into boring adult arguments about things like 401ks and credit scores. (And I’m in weird grad school limbo which makes trying to get on with your life annoying)

What are these acronyms?

[daydreamgoddess14]

Support System pt. 6

MASTERLIST

CH1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 | CH 5

Roy Kent x Reader

Are you ready? Cos we get really very spicy now my friends so.... be warned. Also, good god I think I'm in love with Roy Kent.

Chapter 6

She pushes the phone into your hand so you have no choice but to bring it to your ear, you still watch Roy who's moved to the otherside of the room. Your heart is still pounding and you feel like you've been given an electric shock. 

"Yeah?" You ask into the phone. 

"Can we talk?"

"Umm, we've just got back from the beach. I'll get Lexie settled and call you back?" You hang up without waiting for any real response.

"I'd better go." He says. 

"Thanks for a cool day Roy! Thanks for winning my unicorn teddy and the ice creams and for letting me go on your shoulders and… and… everything!" Lexie says jumping from foot to foot. 

"Thank you for the best day Lex. We should go again in the summer."

"Yeaaaaaah! Can we mum?"

"Of course we can bunny. Let's get you ready for bed, huh?" She zooms into the living room to gather up the new toys for her room while you see Roy to the door. "I'll see you soon?" You sound unsure, you've no idea where his head is at after the kiss. No idea where your own head is, really. You still feel a little dizzy from it and the coil in your belly is wound even tighter. 

"Yeah, see you soon." His eye catches the sunburn on your shoulders, now joined by beard burn and a little bite mark. He brushes it lightly with his finger and you can't help but lean into him. "Should have put some more cream on." He says quietly before closing the door behind him. You're left in the hallway in a weird limbo of being disappointed that he left and unbelievably turned on. It wasn’t fair, you should be on cloud 9. Instead, you head upstairs and concentrate on real life. You get Lexie into the bath and bed before doing the same yourself. You reluctantly pick up your phone to call Andy back, seeing that Sara has sent some pictures from the day with plenty of sunshine, ice cream and beer emojis on a group message to both you and Roy. There’s the kids playing in the sand, you and the girls looking at the shells you’d collected, one of you pointing and laughing at something out of focus - head thrown back, sunkissed and happy. In the picture, Roy is next to you but he’s not looking at whatever it is that’s got your attention, he’s looking at you. There are others - really great photos, a selfie of the three of you and then one of the five of you. They make your heart flutter. You respond with a heart emoji, not quite able to put into words just how much they all mean to you - and that’s without confronting your growing feelings for Roy. The photos were exactly what you needed for your next task. You press Andy’s contact picture and let it ring.

“Thanks for calling back.” You’re surprised, it’s the most civilised he's been for months. 

“Sorry it took a while. We both needed to get half a beach off us.”

“Did you have a good day? Did you go alone?”

“We went with one of Lexie’s friends from school. It was a lovely day.”

“She said you’re changing jobs.” 

“Yeah, handed my notice in last week. I’ve got about 6 weeks left.”

“You… don’t need to do that you know. Maybe we could work something out?”

“What do you mean?”

“I miss you.”

“Are you pissed?”

“No! Why?”

“You’ve been an absolute fucking nightmare for months - you’ve punished me and belittled me and shamed me for having a better job than you and what? Now I’m giving it up, you think we can get back together? Are you for real right now?” You’re trying to keep your voice down but you don’t think you’ve felt a rage like this in your life. Not even when you were both fighting constantly. 

“I just thought it would be good for Lexie, mum and dad together, making it work?” He mumbled.

“What’s good for Lexie is a happy family life - even if that’s separately. Making it work? Making both of us miserable more like.”

“I wasn’t miserable with you.”

“You had an odd way of showing it Andy. You’ve barely laid a finger on me for years, you criticise everything I do. I’m sorry, I can’t make Lexie happy by destroying myself in the process. I deserve to be really, really loved and you can’t do that. What’s this really about?” You’ve stripped away his arguments, Lexie being his trump card, he has no comeback.

“Lexie keeps talking about your new friends. I just thought… is there anything I can do to change-”

“No Andy, you’ll never change my mind on this. I wish I’d been brave enough to leave you rather than wait for you to leave me to be honest. We won’t talk about this again. Goodnight.” Absolute wanker! You hang up and grab a pillow to scream into. Jealousy, of course. You’d seen it briefly when you’d gone to his flat to pick Lexie up when she’d been poorly but because you’d seen him so rarely recently it hadn’t really registered. You could laugh, it’s only taken him the best part of 8 years for him to actually feel anything for you. 

The next couple of days are a blur of Easter holiday club for Lexie and work for you. There’s still no luck on the job front which makes you nervous, and Andy’s done you the decency of not calling you again. You’d naively hoped that he’d woken the next morning with a hangover and had been appalled at his own behaviour, but you also didn’t really care. Sara had taken to using the group message she’d sent the photos on for childcare planning - it made sense but it also meant that you didn’t have any other excuse for solely messaging Roy. When you finally unpacked the bags of junk from the beach day, you found his book rather than yours in the bag. You were picking the girls up that afternoon and taking Phoebe straight to her nans where Sara would pick her up. They came out of school with paint up their arms and in their hair from the craft activities laid on for them. You were looking forward to seeing Roy’s mum again and she welcomed you as she had before, with a huge hug. She was over the moon to finally meet Lexie who took to her immediately. When Sara arrived back from work a little while later, the girls helped her shake off her tiredness with a dance party (Taylor Swift of course) so the five of you - including Roy’s mum - were dancing around with music blasting, singing at the top of your lungs.

“Standing by and waiting at your back door, all this time, how could you not know, baby? You belong with me, you belong with me!” Until Phoebe screeched,

“Uncle Royyyy! I haven’t seen you for ages!”

“You saw me like two days ago you little weirdo.” He said surveying the chaos ahead of him. “Having fun?”

“It’s a dance party! Sara was sleepy so we needed to wake her up.” Lexie told him.

“Sara’s still sleepy but thanks for trying, guys.” She laughs.

“Come on Lexie-loo. Time for us to go.”

“But muuum!”

“No buts, we need to get you ready for dad’s tomorrow.” The two girls looked sombre that they’d be separated for a few days, but Sara grins at you over their heads,

“Freedom!” You get bags and shoes and say goodbye to Roy’s mum. You stop suddenly in the hall, not realising Roy was right behind you and making him bump into you. He puts a hand to your waist so he doesn’t push you over but it brings you flush to his chest. With his hand on your stomach, you know he had to feel the shuddering breath that leaves your body. You reach into your bag and turn to him, “nearly forgot, I ended up with your book.” 

“Keep it, I’d finished it. Did you finish yours?”

“Yeah, keep it. I promised it to you.” He watches you with dark eyes. You know nothing is going to happen, of course it’s not - there’s a house full of people, Lexie is behind you by the front door putting her trainers on. He nods once and puts a single kiss to your forehead.

“See you soon.”

“Bye,” you look over his shoulder intending to shout goodbye to Sara and her mum but Sara’s in the doorway, eyebrows raised and wide eyed.

“Bye babe, I’ll text you later.” She says casually with a look which is far from casual.

You have the following day off for a couple of interviews so you’ve arranged to pick Lexie up from holiday club and take her round to Andy’s yourself. You don’t really want to have to see him, but the plans were made before his pleas to try again. 

“Here’s your bag, bunny, your coat is inside. Be good, I’ll see you in a few days, ok?” You give her a big hug and kiss and she goes straight into the flat. Andy hovers by the door.

“You look good.”

“Thanks, I’ve had a couple of interviews.”

“Any good?”

“Not sure yet, we’ll see.”

“Ok well… good luck.” You nod, ready to escape but you can see he’s itching to say something else. “I just wanted to say sorry about the other night.”

“It’s ok, forgotten already.”

“Oh, cos I just wanted to check that you’re sure?” You shake your head with a little laugh,

“Yes, Andy. I’m sure. Please, don’t ask again. It’s not going to happen.”

“Right, right. Ok. Have a good week then.”

“Yeah, you too.” You leave his flat feeling lighter. You go back to your car leaving him behind, the clocks have changed so the evenings are light. Your drive takes you past the football club and down Roy’s street. His gate is open and the car is just inside. You turn in before you have a chance to chicken out. You ring the bell and wait. The double take as he answers the door means he didn’t see it was you on the doorbell camera,

“It’s you.” He states,

“Yeah, I was just passing. Is this a bad time, I can go?” You make to leave but he’s quick to stop you.

“No, no, of course it’s fine, come in. I was just cooking. Jesus, you look fucking gorgeous.” You leave your bag by the door and step out of your heels.

“Thank you. I’ve been interviewing today.”

“How did it go, what were the roles?”

“Still Deputy Comms Director. I’m not sure, it’s so hard to say. It’s been ages since I interviewed anywhere.”

“Did they give you any feedback?” Already your conversation with Roy is a complete contrast to Andy’s indifference. You have his undivided attention, he’s curious and interested.

“Not really. I think it’s just a waiting game. It’s so annoying, I only have about 5 weeks left. I’m worried that I was wrong to just resign with nothing to go to next.”

“Bold, not necessarily wrong.” He offers, pouring you a glass of wine.

“I think you’re being too kind there.” You laugh,

“Bollocks. If forced retirement has taught me anything, it’s that you have to accept what’s right for you. Sometimes that means it feels like you’re doing the wrong thing until it becomes the right thing.” You mull on his words while he cooks. The speaker is on quietly in the background while you drink your wine. It feels comfortable.

“Do you regret retiring?”

“Fuck no. My knee thanks me every day for it. I didn’t dare let myself think I’d actually enjoy coaching - I tried to make out like I’d hate it.”

“It felt like the wrong thing to do until it didn’t?”

“Exactly. You’ve got to trust yourself.” He puts a plate of pasta in front of you.

“Oh, thank you.”

“Don’t turn up at my house at dinner time and not expect to get fed.” He takes the seat next to you. 

“Tell me about the club. I’ve heard the rumours that Coach Lasso is leaving?”

“Doesn’t know what he fucking wants. He’s in love with the boss.”

“Really?! Does she know?”

“Nah, they’re both being idiots about it. Neither of them will say anything so he thinks the answer is to leave.”

“And it’s not?”

“No, he should tell her. Shouldn’t he?”

“Course he should. What happens if he leaves?”

“Not a clue. Guess I’ll find out if he ever makes a decision.”

“Not long to decide though. Maybe you should give him your ‘being bold’ pep talk.” You continue your meal together and help clean up afterwards. You didn’t have a reason for visiting in the first place, so you certainly didn’t have one to stick around, but he poured another glass of wine anyway. He seemed to be holding back from you a little, engaging in conversation about work and families but he didn’t once acknowledge the evening you’d returned from Brighton. You cleared your throat, “I had to see Andy today when I dropped Lexie off.”

“Oh yeah?” His frown deepened and unlike with Andy, you saw it immediately - jealousy. 

“Hmm. He, uhh, reckons we should try again.”

“Oh.” He picks at the label on his beer bottle. “Bet Lexie’s happy?”

“She doesn’t know.”

“How come?”

“Well I didn’t think it was a wise idea to tell my 8 year old that I told her dad to fuck off… so, there’s that.” He looked up sharply,

“You told him to fuck off?”

“Not in so many words. But I made it very clear that he should never ask me again.”

“Good. It’s probably not good for you - or Lexie - to keep dragging shit like that out and-”

“Roy?”

“Yeah?” You leaned up from your stool at the kitchen island and kissed him lightly. When you moved away, you watched him carefully, 

“If I’ve got this wrong again, I-” He stepped up to your knees, your tight skirt preventing him from getting much closer, and pulled you to him, kissing you so softly. It was entirely different to the first time he’d kissed you and yet felt just as desperate and wanting. He pulls your blouse out from the waistband of your skirt and leans back just enough to ask the silent question, are you sure? You’re not drunk, there are no kids to interrupt, no phones ringing… you know you’re sure, but you have to know that he is too. He anticipates what you’re about to ask,

“Course I’m fucking sure. You’re not wrong. You weren’t wrong last time. You were drunk, I didn’t want you to think I was taking advantage of you.”

“And now?”

“I’d really like to take advantage of you, that ok?” He says with a chuckle.

“Yes, definitely yes.” You laugh, relieved. He kisses you again and though you know you have all the time in the world, you don’t want to waste a single second. 

“Fucking gorgeous.” He whispers against your neck, “borderline obscene, actually.” You laugh at his stolen compliment. His deft fingers pull your top up and off and you’re thankful you wore one of your really, really good bras for good luck for your interviews. You both decide at the same time that the other is just not close enough, your damn skirt in the way. He takes your hand to help you down from the stool and circles your waist, “this looks amazing, but it’s in the way.” You guide his hand to the zip at the side while you step up onto your tiptoes to pull his training t-shirt off. The skirt pools at your feet and his hands cover you, trying to explore everything all at once. “Up.” He taps your hip,

“Are you sure?”

“Fuck off.” He laughs, lifting you anyway. He doesn’t take you far, only to the sofa where he drops down with you still in his lap. You sit up on your knees so you can take your weight off his bad knee but he grips your hips, puts you back down and sides you further into his lap. You can feel him hard against you and it’s never been like this before, you’ve never been with someone who has made their need for you so obvious, never made you feel so wanted before. This thought alone helps banish your insecurities to the very back of your mind. He kisses a hot, wet path down your neck to the tops of your breasts, your sunburn faded to golden, but the freckles remain. The sensation of his beard against your skin makes you moan and you can’t help but roll your hips into him. He grips you tighter, holding you against him. You reach down between your bodies to pull at the waistband of his shorts. He takes the hint and lifts you both slightly so he can get rid of them. With the shorts out of the way, he can feel the heat and dampness of you against him, “Fuck me-” he breathes, hands tracing up your back to the clasp of your bra.

“Yes, please, yes.” Your hands are in his hair and you pull him back to your mouth for another searing kiss. You have to let go while he takes the straps of your bra down your arms but you press back up against him as soon as you can, the hair on his chest rough against your skin. You grind your hips down again, desperate to feel him against you. His hand goes between you both and he stops to check in again before touching you. You cup his cheek and nod, a shy smile. His fingers find your centre and brush against you. You breathe his name and your eyes flutter shut. Two fingers slide inside you and you think that’s already enough to send you over the edge. You rock against his hand, your forehead against his.

“Open your eyes,” he rasps, “I want to see you.” The second you open your eyes, he presses his thumb to your clit and you cry out. He doesn’t let up, working you through your orgasm until you're choking back a sob. You catch your breath for a moment, but the need for him is overwhelming.

“Need you now, have you got-”

“I’m clean, constant fucking medicals. You?” You nod and he slips your underwear to one side. You lift up to line him up against you and slide down onto him slowly. The stretch is exquisite, too much and yet absolutely perfect all at the same time. You take him fully and pause for a second to revel in the feeling of having him inside you. He kisses you softly, “you feel incredible. God, you’re so beautiful.” He takes your hips while you set the pace but it doesn’t take long for either of you to reach the edge. You come again with his name on your lips and he’s right there with you, bruising your hips with his grip. You slump against his shoulder, nose against his neck.

“Holy shit,” you manage eventually, feeling him laugh against you.

“Yeah, you’re not fucking wrong.” He pulls a blanket from the back of the sofa and wraps it over you as you slip off his lap to sit next to him. Neither of you says anything, his hands run up and down your calves as you sit with your legs in his lap. He reaches over to tuck your hair behind your ear, “will you stay?”

“If that’s ok?” He gets up and takes your hand, pulling you with him.

“Come on, shower and bed. I’ve got training with Jamie at 4am.”

You wake up briefly to a kiss on the back of your neck.

“Back in a bit, go back to sleep.” He whispers, kissing your earlobe. You sigh happily and snuggle down into the bed, pulling his pillow with you. You hadn’t gotten much sleep, waking every so often to soft caresses and kisses. Your body ached in a way you’d never felt before. You slip back into sleep again, waking a couple of hours later to a cup of tea and warm arms around you.

“How was training?” You ask, voice still full of sleep.

“Painful.” He laughed. You sit up to drink your tea, sitting in between his legs, his back against the headboard and yours against his chest. “Can I ask you something?” He murmurs, a hand drifting over your thigh, you let out a needy moan, it’s almost absurd how he can make you want him so badly. “Remember I had that suit fitting? There’s a gala for work next week. Will you come with me?” You turn to put your tea down and then kiss him.

“I’d love to. Thank you.” You smile.

“I’ve got an hour. What time do you have to go?”

“Same.”

“Good.” He smirks, pulling you back down to him.

[avastrasposts]

The Pilot and his Girl - ch. 18

Finally some good news for our sweet Frankie and his girl, stuck in this nightmare The Last of Us universe that I so cruelly created for them!

Happy Frankie Friday!

Chapter 19

Series Master List

Word count: 6.7k

Warnings have their own post.

Life in the QZ is strange. It’s like living in limbo, it feels like you’re waiting for something but you don’t know what. A return to normal life? Or for this to feel normal? But at the same time there’s an ever present knot of fear in the pit of your belly, that the infection will spread inside the walls, or that the infected will get inside. Sometimes you forget about the knot but then something happens, a loud noise, someone shouting, a gun firing in the distance, and the fear returns. Having Frankie close helps, you always feel safe with him next to you. But you both work, mandatory for all inhabitants in the QZ if you want to eat. So most of the time he’s not by your side and you bite back the fear and try to get on it with. 

The first week you try to figure out your role in this new setting, how to talk to people about everyday things while you, and everyone around you, has gone through a type of trauma you couldn’t have even imagined only a few months ago. Your new co-workers all seem to handle the situation differently, some say nothing unless they have to, others never stop talking about what life was like before the outbreak. The worst ones complain about everything, the food, the work, the accommodation, until your supervisor tells them to shut the fuck up and docks their rations cards for the day. You didn’t even know that was a thing so you keep your head down and do your job. You’ve thankfully been put on kitchen duty, your skill as a cook the one thing that was deemed useful in the QZ. You spend your days inventing new ways of combining beans and rice, the two dry goods staples that there seems to be no shortage of, into new dishes for the FEDRA soldiers, including Frankie. 

Frankie has patrols and guard duty most days. He doesn’t tell you much about what he does, saying it’s all routine. Until one evening when he comes back late and there’s blood on his uniform and a bright cut on his cheek, his hands shaking as he unbuttons the shirt. You’re standing in the doorway of the bathroom, watching him struggle with it, so you gently push his hands away and slip the buttons from their holes, your fingers staining red with blood. 

“Talk to me, Frankie,” you say in a low voice, looking up at him as he looks down at your hands. 

He shakes his head, “You don’t need to hear it, cariño,” he says but you know that’s not how it works anymore. 

“You need to talk to me, Frankie, you can’t keep all the bad stuff inside just to protect me.” You push the shirt off his shoulders and drop it in the sink, filling it up with cold water, letting the t-shirt go the same way as he pulls it over his head. 

“I see some pretty grim stuff out there, I don’t want you to know how bad it gets,” he sighs as you gently push him down on the toilet seat, taking out the first aid kit. 

“You may want to protect me, but the people in the kitchen don’t care, they talk about all the stuff they’ve seen or what they’ve heard about from other soldiers,” you say, “I hear about the grim stuff every day.” 

Frankie seems to scan your face for a minute while you clean out the cut on his cheek, when you’re done he gently takes your hand and presses his lips to your palm. 

“I had to learn how to push the grim shit to the back of my mind when I was in the military,” he says, still holding on to your hand. “I made myself indifferent to the pain and suffering I saw others go through, just so that I could get on with the mission. Indifferent to the pain and suffering I inflicted. I don’t want you to have to do the same, cariño.” 

“If I ask you to tell me about the stuff you go through, I’m doing it to help you, I’m not going to be indifferent to that, Frankie,” You slip your fingers between his and make him stand up, unbuttoning his cargo pants and pushing them down. They’ve got dark mud stains along one side and you pick them up and dump them in the laundry basket. “I want to know what you go through, because I love you and I want to help you, so you don’t have to carry it all on your own. That’s kinda part of the whole ‘wife’ thing you asked me to be.” 

You see his mouth quirk up in a small smile as you poke his chest, “Get in the shower, Morales, and tell me about your day.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“Atta boy.” 

The second week of your time in the QZ sees your routine start to crystalize; get up, quick shower, breakfast with Frankie if your schedules match up, otherwise you head over to the big kitchen you work in and have breakfast there. You always stop by the service center first and scan the notice board that contains lists of people in this QZ and any updated lists of inhabitants of other QZ’s. So far none of your friend’s names have appeared on any lists. Only Benny and Hannah so far and Frankie hasn’t been able to get through to him yet, he only had a short message from Ben saying Hannaha and him were ok.

Once you’re done with breakfast you spend the rest of the day preparing and planning meals for the soldiers. The kitchen is in an old high school building, the large school kitchen ideal for preparing meals for big groups. The cafeteria now serves as a mess hall for soldiers rather than high schoolers and it’s bizarre seeing the high school banners and colors hanging on the walls over rows of men and women in army fatigues. You usually have the early shift and then you’re done by mid-afternoon, free to do what you want within the confines of the QZ. When Frankie’s shift ends around the same time he’ll meet you in the high school gym. He’s started training you, as he promised in his note for you, teaching you basic fight techniques and how to get away if someone grabs you. It’s exhausting, Frankie is not going easy on you, making you drip with sweat as he encourages you to punch his flat palms harder. Trying to break free of his grip is even harder, his weight and length makes it easy for him to just pin you down. But he makes you practice a few basic moves over and over until you are able to throw him off balance and break free most of the time. At the end of your second week in the QZ your body is aching, your knuckles are raw, but the bruise on Frankie’s jaw from is proof that you’d managed to learn something useful at least. 

On Monday afternoon of your third week you leave the kitchen and head for home. Frankie’s got a late shift and won’t be home until dinner time. You drop off an application for some clothes that you need at the donation center and take a new route home. You weren’t familiar with the city before the outbreak and Frankie had tasked you with learning your way around all the streets. He’d said it was a safety precaution in case something, anything, happened and you needed to move swiftly through the city. You hoped you’d never need the skill but you still took different routes home every day, wandering aimlessly, mapping the streets in your head. 

Today you come to a small square where some people have set up makeshift stalls, really just blankets on the ground, to sell anything they didn’t need. People would barter or trade for ration cards, the inofficial currency of the QZ. After a few miserable rainy days, the weather was nice again and it seemed to have brought out more people than usual, making you have to weave and dodge around the crowd as you make your way across the marketplace. You don’t notice the dark haired man crouching down by one of the blankets, talking to the owner selling an assortment of shoes. But he seems to sense you, maybe he catches a glimpse of your hair from the corner of his eyes, and he stands up, staring at your back as you weave past the last of the people. 

You hear your name called, a tentative tone to it, questioning if it’s really you and you turn, looking back at the crowd of people. At first you don’t see him, but then he steps forward, looking like he doesn’t trust his eyes. 

“Pope!” you gasp, your voice barely a whisper as you take a step towards him and it makes him spring into action. In a few quick steps he’s on you, his arms thrown around you, hugging you tight as you wind your arms around his neck, holding onto him as you feel tears start to well up in your eyes. 

“Pope, you’re alive!” you sob, your heart feels like it’s about to explode with relief and happiness, “You’re actually alive!”

“I am, and so are you, hermana, I can’t believe it,” Pope’s laughing into your ear as he hugs you tighter, “I can’t fucking believe it!” 

He pulls back, his arms still tight around your waist and looks down at your tear stained face. “Frankie?” he asks, his smile giving way to a pensive look and you beam at him through your tears, nodding. 

“He’s alive, he’s here too!” 

Pope blows out a loud sigh of relief and hugs you tight again, “Thank fucking god, I would’ve killed him otherwise.” 

“I’ve got so many questions,” you say, still buried against his shoulder, and he pulls back again, “what happened after you left the cabin?” 

Pope sighs, loosening his grip on you but his hands still holding on to your shoulders, shaking his head. “It’s a long story, so much shit went wrong.” He suddenly grips you harder, his eyes wide with fear, “Lucía? Is she with you, please, fuck, please tell me she’s with you!”

You open your mouth but nothing comes out, you don’t know how to get the words past your lips, but he sees your face and understands, without words he understands exactly. He drops his hands and steps past you, walking away from the market, and from behind you see him raise a fist to his mouth. You follow him, further away from the crowd, and when he stops you stand in front of him. He drops his fist, his eyes wide, staring towards the sky and you can see  tears collecting in his thick lashes. When he drops his gaze down to his boots tears drip down and you reach out and hug him, folding your arms around his neck, one hand on the back of his head. He doesn’t sob the way Frankie does, he trembles under you, shaking, but no sounds come from him, just his ragged breath. 

“How?” he asks eventually, lifting his head from where he’d dropped it on your shoulder. 

“We got to her house Monday afternoon, they’d been evacuated by soldiers, taken to Franklin. So we followed but…” you hesitate, the memory of the pile of dead bodies on the side of the road floats up to the forefront of your mind. Lucía’s mom with bullet holes, Lucía’s dress, Frankie’s voice when he thought she was alive, and the inhuman scream from her as she tried to attack him. The gunshot. 

“It was a nightmare, Santi,” you whisper. “They’d killed all the evacuees, they were all on the side of the road, shot.”

“I heard rumors about them executing people who weren’t infected, but even children…” 

“They were infected, or at least some of them were,” you interrupt him. “Lucía was infected, she…” you draw a shuddering breath, squeezing your eyes shut at the memory. “She was infected when we got there, we thought she was alive but then…Santi…” you look at him, dreading telling him the worst part of Frankie’s trauma. “She…Frankie had to…” you can’t bring yourself to say it, but he understands, his dark eyes reflecting your pain. 

He wraps his arms around you again and together you stand still, holding each other up as the images from that day swirl in your head again, and Pope begins to understand what kind of state Frankie will be in when he finally sees  his best friend again. 

Pope puts his arm around your shoulders as the two of you walk to your apartment, not talking much, he tells you where he’s living and skirts your question about what he’s working with. It raises a twinge of suspicion in you but you drop it. A lot of stories will need to be told to cover all the time that’s passed since you last saw Pope in your old apartment back home, and you’d rather have Frankie with you for that. He’s not home yet when you unlock the apartment door, he’s not due for another half an hour, so you point Pope to the couch and start dinner. 

“I have news about Benny and Hannah,” you say as you pull out a pot to boil rice. “They’re in the Arlington QZ, Frankie had a message from him a couple of days ago.” 

“Oh shit, really?” Pope says, sitting up straight on the couch, “are they ok?” 

“We don’t know anything except that they’re there and the soldier who told me hadn’t heard anything about Benny having a brother so we think Will isn’t with him.” 

“A soldier from the New York QZ told me recently about a guy who sounded very much like Will, but I haven’t been able to verify it. I’ve been asking around every chance I get.” 

“How would Will end up in New York though? That’s hours away even if you could drive the whole way.” You look over at Pope who just shakes his head, and shrugs. 

“I have no idea why he would be there, but that’s the only lead I have.”

A key in the front door draws your attention and Pope stands up, he’s directly in line of sight of the door and he’s grinning when the door swings open. Frankie’s got his eyes on a note in his hand as he walks through the door. 

“Cariño, they’re turning off the water tomor-” He stops dead in his tracks as he spots Pope. 

“Cada día eres más feo,”  Pope grins at Frankie’s stunned face before taking two steps and grabbing hold of his jacket, pulling him in for a bear hug. Frankie stumbles into him, hugging him back, still dazed. 

“Pope..how?” He pulls back from the hug staring at his friend, his face splitting into a grin as he claps Pope’s shoulders, “Where the fuck did you come from, pendejo?!”

“I ran into your girl on the street, she told me you guys just got here and invited me over.” Pope’s grin is as wide as Frankie’s and he’s grabbed hold of the other man’s face, looking at him like he can’t believe he’s real. 

“Fuck, you make it sound like you just dropped by for a fucking house warming,” Frankie says, pulling him in for another hug, “It’s fucking good to see you, hermano.” He lets go of Pope and, still grinning, kicks off his boots as Pope walks back to the living room. You’re leaning on the kitchen counter with a smile, looking at the two men reunite. Frankie comes over to you for a kiss before turning back to Pope. 

“Where have you been, how did you end up here?” he asks, sinking down on the couch and Pope joins him, grabbing hold of Frankie’s shoulder. You grab three glasses and a bottle of whiskey Frankie had found while on patrol, you’d been meaning to use it to trade with but this was better use. 

“Frankie,” Pope says, his voice suddenly serious as he looks at the other man, “I heard…about Lucía.” 

Frankie gives a short nod and drops his eyes, looking at his hands for a second before he grabs one of the glasses, you can see his hands start to tremble. 

“I can’t talk about it,” he says, before downing the whiskey, grasping hard at the empty glass as he looks up at you, seeking your support. 

“I get it, man, I’m…” Pope drifts off, tilting his head back and looking at the ceiling. “Fuck.” He draws a deep breath and accepts the glass of whiskey from you, you refill Frankie’s and then your own. 

“So you guys go to the cabin?” Pope asks, looking over at you. 

“Yeah, we got there early Sunday evening, we saw your note and left for Lucía’s place early Monday morning.” you say, sitting down next to Frankie on the couch. “After…” you glance over at Frankie who’s dropped his gaze back to his hands, “after we went back to the cabin. And we stayed there until a few weeks ago, hoping any of you guys would turn up but no one did. We survived on Denny’s supplies but when they ran out we had to head out and find more. Things went bad and we got attacked by looters, they took the supplies we had left and held us prisoner at their farm.” You shudder at the memory, still too fresh in your mind. “Frankie got us out, killed them, but our supplies were lost so we had no choice but to come here.” 

“I tried getting back to the cabin but I was injured,” Pope says, pulling up his shirt and showing a fresh scar on his right side. “I was on the bike, just as I was getting into Lucía’s town some fucking hillbilly took a shot at me. I crashed the bike, managed to kill the guy when he came after me, but then I lost consciousness. Next thing I know I woke up with a rifle against my chest, nearly got shot again.” Pope takes a sip of his whiskey, shaking his head at the memory. “It was a military convoy going through town collecting evacuees, probably the same one that picked up Lucía. They were killing anyone infected or injured but I told them I was Special Ops and they patched me up.” He looks over at Frankie’s who’s lifted his eyes and is looking at Pope as he tells his story. 

“Frankie, if I’d known…they told me they were taking the whole town to the QZ, so I went with them���I…” 

“It would’ve been too late,” Frankie shakes his head, “It wouldn’t have made any difference. I know how she got infected and it would’ve been too late even if you’d gotten there before the soldiers.” 

You look over at Frankie, he’d never said anything about how she got infected before and as he sees your questioning look he takes your hand. 

“It was the fucking pancakes, the box mix. FEDRA has information about the infection starting in the food supply, in cereal products like pancake mix. Her mom always used the fucking box mix even though I told her it was shit.” His shoulders sag and he takes another long sip of the whiskey. 

“Fuck…” you breath, trying to process the information. 

“I’d heard rumors about that too,” Pope says, “that’s what people are saying but FEDRA has never confirmed it.” 

“Why do you think they serve only beans and rice to the soldiers?” Frankie says, looking over at Pope, “I’ve got fucking beans and rice coming out of my ears.” 

“What happened after you got to the QZ, Pope?” you ask. 

“It wasn’t set up like it is now, they had a temporary set up, blocked off streets with barricades while they set up a fence.” Pope shoves his hand through his thick hair, his eyes suddenly very tired, “I don’t remember much, I got septicemia, I was out of it for the better part of a month, they didn't have enough antibiotics, most of the supplies got destroyed in the outbreak. The major hospital here caught fire and burnt almost clean to the ground.” He leans back against the couch and sighs, “It’s not been good in here, by the time I was back on my feet the wall had gone up, FEDRA had taken control and they control who leaves the QZ, and who comes in. You’re not allowed to leave unless you’re being transferred to another QZ.” He looks over at Frankie, still in his uniform, “And you’re working for them, Fish?” 

“Yeah, it was the only way we could get in,” Frankie says, “And it comes with benefits, but I’m starting to see some sides of FEDRA I don’t like.” 

You nod next to Frankie, you’d heard the stories too by now. The staff in the kitchen would complain loudly about the food, the work they had to do, the accommodation, but never about FEDRA so that the supervisors could hear. But at breaks, and in whispered conversations in the dry good storage, you were told about the injustices in the system FEDRA had put in place. From small things like docking rations when you turned up late to work, to things that made your skin crawl, FEDRA soldiers abusing their power by demanding services from women in the QZ, especially those who didn’t have family to protect them. One of the women in the kitchen had looked at you with envy, “You'll be protected, your guy´s one of the officers, just make sure you know where he gets any extras he comes home with.” You’d told Frankie about the conversation and his eyebrows had furrowed, a dark look in his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’ve stayed away from them,” Pope says, “I gave them a fake name when they put me in the hospital.” You raise your eyebrows in a questioning look and he chuckles, “Some habits die hard, I try to stay under cover when I can.” 

“So that’s why I haven’t seen your name on any of the lists of residents!” you exclaim, reaching over and slapping his arm, “We’ve been looking every day for you, pendejo!” 

“You teaching her the bad words now, hermano?” Pope smiles and bats your hand away. “She definitely picked that one up from you, I’m sure,” Frankie retorts with a grin and you can’t help but feel happiness bubble up inside you as you see his smile, having Pope back was a god send, especially for Frankie.

“I’m gonna plate dinner, you guys wanna keep up with the whiskey or switch to water?” 

“Water,” Frankie immediately says, “I have an early shift tomorrow.”  

Dinner stretches on late into the night, despite Frankie needing to get up early the next day. You talk about your friends, about memories from before the outbreak, all three feeling the need for a break from the grim reality you now live in. Halfway through dinner Pope notices the ring on your left hand ring finger and grins big.  “Congratulations,” he smiles and points to your hand and you grin as you look down at it. 

“Thanks, Frankie decided to be a romantic despite the world ending.” 

“Good job, Fish, told you she’d say ‘yes’.” 

“You knew?” you ask with a surprised look on your face. 

“Of course! I helped him pick the ring. Although, the one I suggested had much bigger diamonds, just so you know.” 

Frankie gives him a friendly slap on the arm, “Shut up, you know why I picked this one and not your fake looking iceberg.” 

“Why did you pick this one? I meant to ask you but I forgot with everything that happened.” You hold up your hand so that you can look at the thin gold band, three small diamonds in a row.

“Three diamonds, one for you, one for me, one for Lucía,” Frankie says, his voice low. “And room for more diamonds if we have kids together.” 

“Frankie…” you whisper, taking his hand and pulling it to your heart. He gives you a small smile and Pope slaps his back. 

“Go on, Fish, kiss her, I won’t look.” 

That makes Frankie chuckle and he pulls you onto this lap, making the old chair creak under your combined weight as he holds you close for a long kiss, tangling his fingers in your hair until Pope clears his throat and pours more whiskey, calling for a toast. 

In the end Frankie tells Pope to crash on the couch rather than walk home, the curfew is about to go into effect anyway. Frankie gives him the spare blanket as he pulls his sweater off, you disappear into the bathroom for a quick shower. 

“I’m really happy she found you, man,” Frankie says, putting his hand on Pope’s shoulder, “It’s a fucking weight off my chest seeing you in one piece.” 

Pope grabs Frankie and pulls him in for a hug, grabbing hold of the back of his neck to hold him tight. “Same, man, it’s good to see you. And I went through fucking hell leaving her at your apartment, Fish, but she wouldn’t leave you behind. And the relief when I saw her today, you have no idea. And then you too.” 

“Yeah,” Frankie mumbles, his arms tight around Pope, “she’s been my rock, she never gives up on me. Even when I’m about to give up on myself.” 

Pope pulls back, looking at his friend’s dark eyes, “Shit got dark, I almost walked away, after Lucía…” Frankie shakes his head, dropping his eyes from Pope’s steady gaze. “I knew I had to keep her safe, but then, when I got her somewhere safe, I was gonna leave, let her get on with her life without my broken ass. But she never gave up on me.” 

“If you’d walked out on her, I would’ve tracked you down and slapped your sorry ass,” Pope’s voice is gentle despite his words as he pulls Frankie’s head against his so that their foreheads are touching. “I know the shit you’ve already gone through, Frankie, before all this, and I can see the shit you’re dealing with now. But you’ve got her, and you’ve got me, and I’m not fucking giving up on you this time either.” 

Frankie gives a small nod, and Pope lets go of his neck.

“Better get some sleep, hermano, early start,” he says, picking up the blanket and shaking it out over the couch. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you in the morning, Pope,” Frankie says, giving the man’s shoulder a final squeeze before he heads into the bedroom. You join him a few minutes later after saying good night to Pope too. Curling up next to Frankie, his arms wrapping around you, you grab his cheeks between your palms, pressing a kiss to his soft lips. 

“I’m never giving up on you either, Frankie.” 

Early next morning Frankie drags himself out of bed and you follow him, getting breakfast ready for the three of you as he’s in the shower. Santi is sitting bleary eyed on the couch, rubbing the crust out of his eyes. 

“How’d you sleep? Not sure how comfortable that couch is,” you say to him as you get the coffee going. Thank god for endless coffee shops, at least there’s plenty of coffee to go around for now. 

“Between the whiskey, good food and finally knowing you guys are safe, I slept like a baby,” he yawns. “I was thinking though, we should try to get a message to Benny, see how things are in Arlington. Maybe it’s worth transferring there, team up with Benny and we could all go back to our old apartments, if they’re inside the QZ.” 

“From what I hear, it’s not too hard to get a transfer, the difficult part is actually getting to the QZ,” you say, pouring milk into Santi’s coffee and handing it to him as he comes into the kitchen. 

“You shouldn’t be using your rations on me, hermana, I’ll pay you back,” he says but accepts the coffee gratefully. You pour another mug for yourself and Frankie before you pull out the powdered eggs and tinned ham .

“Don’t be silly, Pope, you know it doesn’t work like that, we’re family, now more than ever.” 

“I’m grateful anyway, you know that.” He hooks an arm around your shoulder, giving you a squeeze, before he sits down at the small table. Frankie ambles into the kitchen, pushing his fingers through his damp hair and grabs his coffee too before pulling out a frying pan to cook the ham while you deal with the “eggs”. Before long you’re all sitting down for breakfast. 

“Pope thinks we should try to talk to Benny and see how things are in Arlington and maybe get a transfer.” You say to Frankie and he nods. 

“I was thinking the same thing, we have a good chance of getting a transfer there as it’s our hometown. The trick is actually getting there in one piece, I’m not risking your life again, cariño,” Frankie puts his hand on your leg, but Pope shakes his head. 

“I heard FEDRA does convoys with supplies between cities, you’re military, you’d get a lift with that, both you and her, no problem.”

“And you? How’d you get transport?” You ask, giving Pope a worried look, “you’re not even here under your real name.” 

“I’ve made a few connections, a couple of people owe me big favors,” he grins, “I’m sure I can get a seat on a convoy.” 

“Always making deals, always have a way, you don’t change, Pope,” Frankie says, looking at his friend who raises his coffee mug in mock salute. 

“You know it, Frankie!”

“When do you think you can arrange for a radio call with Benny?” you ask Frankie. He’s the one who has the best chance at getting a radio call approved, with his rank in FEDRA. 

“In a couple of days probably, I’ll put in the request today. I’ll try to schedule it for an afternoon that you’re not working, all three of us should be there.” Frankie looks over at Pope, “What are you doing for work? You’re not in FEDRA, but you’ve got to eat, right?” 

Pope waves his hand in a vague gesture, “A bit of this and that, I do those daily jobs they’re always looking for people to do.” 

“The stuff no one else wants to do?” you ask, raising your eyebrows, “I hear they’re really nasty jobs, burning bodies, sewage details, that kinda stuff.” 

“Better me than some poor civvie,” Pope says with a shrug, “I’ve seen much worse, I can handle it.” 

“Santi…” you say, shaking your head, “you could do a lot better than that, FEDRA will take you any day, you could patrol with Frankie.” 

“And have Fish give me orders?” Pope chuckles, giving a mock salute at Frankie, who grins. “No, no offense, Fish, but I don’t think FEDRA is the way to go for me. There's a bit more to be done on the private side.” He drains his mug and pushes back from the table, getting to his feet, “Besides, I’m staying with a woman who’s good enough to share her rations when I bring home useful stuff.” 

“What do you mean ‘bring home useful stuff’?” Frankie asks, looking up at Pope who’s got a sly grin. 

“You know, stuff ration cards don’t cover, or stuff that’s hard to find. You know me, I always had a nose for finding useful things.” 

“Pope, man, are you going outside the wall?” Frankie says, standing up and looking at his friend with knotted eyebrows. 

“Never, too risky,” Pope says immediately and you both know he’s lying through his teeth with how fast his reply is. “Anyway, I’ve got to go, gonna go see if I can pick up a job today. Let me know when the radio call with Benny comes through, ok?” 

“Yeah, sure, I’ll come find you as soon as I know,” Frankie says and Pope pulls him in for a hug.  “Mantente a salvo, hermano.” 

“Tú también.” Frankie claps Pope’s back before the younger man heads out the door. 

“He’s definitely lying about not going outside of the wall,” you say to Frankie after Pope has left. 

“Yeah, he’s a world class liar but not good enough for his friends,” Frankie shakes his head. “FEDRA puts people who got outside the wall in lock up, repeat offenders are locked up for good, transferred to a prison near San Antonio. I hope he’s fucking careful, both for his sake and for ours.” 

“I just hope he doesn’t get himself infected,” you say, “I hate that I have to worry about him too now, not just you.” 

Frankie takes your hand, taking the dirty dishes from you and putting them on the counter before pulling you into his arms. “Pope’s a big boy, he can handle himself, and he doesn’t need you worrying about him.” He leans down and puts his forehead against yours, looking at you so that all you can see are his warm, brown eyes. “Don’t worry, cariño lindo.” 

“I can’t help it, I know what you face some days, and it scares me.” 

“I’m better trained than almost everyone in FEDRA, and I’m extra careful, and do you know why?” 

You shake your head gently, Frankie’s hands coming up to cup your cheeks, running his thumbs over the soft skin. 

“Because I have you to come home too. Every decision I make when I’m out on patrol is based on you, coming home to you, that’s my priority, everything else comes second.” Frankie brushes his lips over yours, “Hermosa….” his warm breath ghosting over your skin, “Every morning I leave your warm body in our bed, and every second of every day it’s the one thing that keeps me going, knowing that I get to come home and crawl into bed next to you.” He presses his plush lips against yours and you feel yourself melt into him as you wrap your arms around his waist. 

“You’re gonna be late,” you mumble into his mouth and he tilts his head, slipping his tongue in between your lips. 

He is late that morning but only five minutes and when his C.O. asks why he says he was stopped by civilians asking for directions. And it turns out it’s lucky he’s late because everyone else has already gone down to check out their guns from weapons storage when the radio call comes in from Arlington QZ and he gets sent up to answer it. 

“Franklin QZ, Captain Morales here. Go ahead Arlington, over.” 

“Fuck me! Catfish! Is that you?!” Benny’s shocked voice comes over the radio, forgetting all radio commands. 

“Benny!” Frankie yells down the microphone. “Yeah, it’s me! So good to hear your voice, man! How are you?!” 

“I’m good, Fish! I couldn’t believe it when I heard you both made it to Franklin! I’ve been worried fucking sick about you and the rest of the guys!”

“I’ve got even better news, pal,” Frankie laughs, “Pope’s here too! Ran into him out of the blue and he’s been here the whole time, got here a few days after the outbreak.” 

“No fucking way! That’s awesome” Benny laughs down the radio channel but Frankie swallows, he knows he needs to ask about Will and he braces himself for bad news. 

“Benny, I’ve got to ask, is Will with you?” The silence that follows is telling and Frankie squeezes his eyes shut, pressing his knuckles into the eyelids. 

“No,” Benny’s voice comes back after a long pause, “I haven’t heard from him since the outbreak. I was meant to have dinner with him and Hannah that night, but then shit started popping off and when he didn’t come home Hannah and I got really worried. She stayed behind at their house, and I took the car to go look for him at the office. I tried getting to it but there were infected everywhere, and…” The line goes quiet for so long Frankie starts to think the connection’s been lost before Benny’s voice finally comes through the static. “The building was on fire, that restaurant by the entrance, something must’ve made it catch, because it was blazing. If he was still in the building…or in the street…” 

“Pope said he’d spoken to a soldier from the New York QZ who mentioned a guy who sounded like Will,” Frankie says, just to give Ben some semblance of hope. 

“I’ve asked everyone, Fish, every QZ we’re in touch with, no one has heard of William Miller.” Even through the crackling line Frankie can hear Benny’s deep sigh, “I’m not giving up but…Hannah’s grieving him, she doesn’t think he made it, and the more time that passes…” Benny’s voice drops off. 

“I’m really sorry, Ben, I really am, man, but I’ll keep asking here too, ok?” 

“Frankie, when Ingrid told me about you guys being in quarantine she said it was only you and your girl…?” 

Frankie was expecting Benny to ask but he still feels his throat close up as the memory of his daughter surges to the surface and he clenches his fists, nails digging into his palms. He shakes his head, his eyes on his hands, before he remembers the other man can’t see him. 

“She didn’t make it,” he presses out between his teeth and the tension in his voice lets Benny know, through the patchy radio line and miles that separate them, how fragile Frankie is. He’s quiet on the other end when Frankie lets go of the button, pressing it down on his end to speak but he can’t find the words, opening his mouth to say something but closing it again. Finally, after what feels like minutes he just breathes out a low Fuck over the airwaves. 

“Yeah,” Frankie’s voice comes through, low and tight, and the silence stretches between them again untill Frankie shakes his head to clear it, ���Listen, Benny, I’ve got to go, what’s the message for HQ?” 

“Sorry, man, didn’t mean to keep you,” Benny says, picking up a folder at his end. “There’s a convoy coming through, ETA Monday next week. Three transfers, agreed upon supplies and ammo, all accounted for.” 

“Ok, got it, I’ll pass it on.” Frankie responds, jotting down the information on the pad next to the microphone. “Listen, we were talking about applying for a transfer over to Arlington, all three of us, what do you think?” 

“Yeah, absolutely man, put me down as a reference on the application, I’ll get it through. I don’t think Arlington is in any better state than Franklin but at least we’ll be in the same QZ.” 

“Ok, good, we’ll get that done. I’ve gotta sign off now, Benny. Fucking great hearing your voice though, man.”

“Same, Fish, really fucking same, stay safe, all of you.” 

Benny hesitates, Frankie can hear it in his voice, years of knowing Benny and he can all but see the look on the younger man’s face. “I’m really sorry about Lucía, I loved- love her.” 

“Thanks, Benny,” Frankie pushes his nails into his palms again. “I’ll talk to you soon, man, ok?” 

“Yeah, talk to you soon and see you soon, gonna be good, man.” 

Frankie signs off and leans back in his chair, taking a moment to shove the memories of Lucía into the back of his mind before he goes on duty. He hears steps in the corridor and looks up, his C.O. looking in through the door. 

“Everything ok, Morales?”

“Yes, sir, just gonna pass this message from Arlington to HQ.” 

“Good, sign out your gun when you’re done and join Johnsson in the training yard.” 

“Yes, sir”. 

He pushes up out of the chair and gets to work, forcing his mind into soldier mode for the rest of the day.

Chapter 19

A note on how Pope greets Frankie: "Cada día eres más feo" (Every day you're uglier). It's what Frankie says to Pope when they greet each other in Triple Frontier (so it felt fitting to use here), except Pedro says something along the lines of "Ca´día más feo"if I'm hearing it correctly. I had to ask the latino husband and he says it's basically just sloppy Spanish, dropping half the words and mashing the rest together. So I went with the grammatically correct version, husband approved. 😅

Taglist: @pimosworld @i-own-loki @casa-boiardi @littlenosoul @stormseyer @mxtokko  @javicstories @nunya7394 @welcometothepedroverse

[laugtherhyena]

Now that you brought it up I'm SUPER curious how sdra2 -2+2 would go down, especially the aftermath!

Since you said especially the aftermath, allow me to ramble about just that! It is something i really like thinking about with this Au, but i can totally make another post talking about the changes in the actual Kg if asked :]

-The exit code Teruya and Rei had in canon has been signficantly changed here. It's basically this safety that could exit them out of the game on command but also save them if they ever died in the sim by creating a copy/backup of their avatars, this however was never properly tested before they went in since they were in a hurry and when they needed it this code didn't work as intended.

Teruya and Rei

Rei used it to exit the game in the prologue but instead of getting her out she became glitched in this sorta digital limbo through the rest of the Sdra2 Kg and all she could really do was try to communicate with Sora (since she's an Ai and not a human). When the sim resets/shuts down during the mass execution she essentially died, and Teruya died as well because of the Ch5 stuff. However! The backup code did work! Just not as well as they wished.

It did do its job, but the backup avatars were on a glitched state. The two are essentially in a coma of sorts, so only Tsurugi and the girls join the sim to be a part of the Ch6 trial.

When they do finally wake up a good while after the Kg ended, they're still left with a few sequelae even though Kokoro did her absolutely best to restore their avatars as much as she could. Teruya now has a couple memory issues and Rei has chronic headaches, but hey, that's certainly better than not coming back at all.

Kokoro

-Their predicament is the whole reason why Kokoro wasn't arrested immediatelly after the killing game ended, as the person who basically created the simulation she told Kinjo that she could fix their avatars and bring them back safely. After much consideration (and convincing from Ayame, Kizuna and Hibiki's part) he agrees to have Kokoro work on bringing back Teruya and Rei + search the simulation for any remnants of Ai Mikado to delete him completely. She also tries to find what's left of Sora and put her back together, but that's not something Kinjo or anyone ordered her to do. (Sora was one of the few that believed she could change and were sympatethic to her in some extent after the reveal that she abused Mikako and helped set up the Kg. Essentially this fic i wrote a while back is basically canon in -2+2 now.)

During this time she stays working at the Kisaragi foundation they give her a room in the facility to live in and she's given an ankle bracelet that tracks where she is, so she's essentially in a house arrest of sorts and can't leave the foundation without a permission from Kinjo and agents to come wherever she's going. Not she leaves at all, she really just focus on messing around in the sim since it's part of her wanting to make up for all the terrible things she did in her life.

No one from the foundation talks much with her (friendly talks, that is) at most some higher up comes to check on her progress, but Hibiki stuck around the foundation for as long as she was working there. It was also during this stay that she met Beni when she was on break and saw her arguing with her dad, from analyzing her unusually intense emotions for a situation like this she can tell there's something off about the kid and steps in to take a closer look at her.

She tells Hikaru he should definitely bring her to child psychologist for a mental health evaluation which leads to Beni being diagnosed with BPD and autism, from there Beni gets curious about Mitsume and wants to ask more about her condition + get to know her in general because "Woah, Mrs.Mitsume is super smart". She's around the foundation most of the time so she starts to go after her in the area she's working on the sim stuff, which annoys Kokoro initially since she's working, so she tells her to wait for her breaks because then she can awnser as many questions as she wants.

So they do just that and start hanging out in the foundation's break room were Kokoro explains more about her conditions and mental illnesses in general, she also ends up telling her about alexithymia and the two bond over neurodivergent experiences. Overtime Kokoro softens up to her more and let's Beni follow her around in the lab she's working on the sim stuff, she let's het know a lot of what she's doing too and they chat a little even ad she's working.

Beni has a pretty messy relationship with her family at this point, she's a kid that barely sees her dad since he's so overworked at the foundation and with her mother being dead ever since the start of the tragedy the only person she had always around her growing up was her older brother, so this lack of a father/mother figure is why she ends up viewing Kokoro as one, or at least the closest to during her childhood. To the point she gets annoyed at her actually family when they suggest ot try to get her to stop being around her, especially since neither Hikaru or Hamato want to explain why they don't want her around Kokoro. (Obviously you should tell a 7 year old about human experimentation and the orchestration of a killing game, but since Beni is a lil kid she doesn't understand why they can't just explain to her why they dislike Mitsume so much)

As for Kokoro, she doesn't necessarily view Beni as her daughter, she more so sees much of her younger self on her which is why she takes a liking for the kid and wants to know how she's doing (and help if she can) because there's a sentiment of "Maybe this one won't turn out as bad as I did." Though by the time she takes notice that Beni sees her as a mother figure she tries to slowly distance herself from her because the idea of being seen as a mother brings her a lot of pain because of knowing what she did in the past to her actually daughter and Kokoro does not think any kid should look up to her out of all people.

This is around the time he's basically done working for the foundation and once Teruya and Rei are awake and being treated by Ando and the rest of the medical team at the Kisaragi foundation +Ai Mikado and the sim are no more, she finally goes to jail, (thought Hibiki did try to change her mind about it). Hibiki visists her prision and Beni does so as well when she's old enough to do that.

Emma and Syobai

-They're both arrested immediately after the Kg ends. He tries to get her to do a prision break with him, hoping that the sliver of luck she still has could help, but Emma refuses since in her mind, what good would that do? Where would she go afterwards?

He still tries to make a break for it and takes Midori as a hostage, but then Emma uses the remainder of her luck to free herself and chase after them to stop him. She gets stabbed by him in the process, but at least things don't escalate to the point Keisuke almost shoots Midori like in canon and Syobai gets sent to a higher security prison. Afterward that's taken as a sign that she really is trying to change because if she wanted to she could have tried to escape and all, so a while after Emma is given a job at the foundation as a way to pay for her sentence and also keep showing that she's no longer a threat. (She's on the same division as Midori, she's meant to keep track of her in a way, that was her idea after all.)

Hibiki

-Whike she's initially brought to be interrogated by Kinjo out of his own paranoid suspicious that she had a hand on Kanade's murders, after that's cleared up she goes on to give her account on the events of the killing game so that Rei's division can document and know exactly what happened there. She spends a good while on that, alongside Yoruko because the intelligence division wanted to compare the facts between the two not-cirminal members to see if they were being truthful + Foundation higher ups found Hibiki's takes to be biased in certain aspects, so a second opinion is always great to have.

While Yoruko leaves shortly after they're done with these interviews Hibiki sticks around the Kisaragi foundation for basically as long as Kokoro was working for them, she's the person Hibiki became the closest with after the events of Ch3 and she stays by her side after the killing game ended as the one (living) person out of their "class" that doesn't hate Kokoro's guts.

While she's there to keep her company and listen to her ranting when things don't go as she planed or just feels terrible after everything she did, there is part of Hibiki that's using Kokoro as a clutch to not move on with her life. The thing is that Hibiki has truly never been on her own, before she was always around Kanade and after she died she was always around Kokoro. But the killing game is over now, everyone else has gone their way already and she knows Kokoro will get locked up sooner rather than later, so she's in a state where she's not sure where to go next or how to do it with nobody by her side.

So her stay around the foundation is half her wanting to support someone who helped her a lot, half her procrastinating on this soul searching she's gotta do. Though in the time she's just fucking around there she meets Ayame and Kizuna's kid and while Akira is not the biggest fan of idols she does know about Melody rhythm and liked a handful of their songs, so with Hibiki there she asks her for some singing lessons, tips and whatever.

Through these informal classes of sorts Hibiki discovered she really likes passing on all she's learned through her years as a singer, so later down the line she becomes Akira's producer/career manager and the two even have a few songs they made together.

Yuki and Yoruko

-These two's fates after the Kg change the least from canon. Yuki still dissapears basically immediately after they leave the sim for the final time and while Yoruko hangs around the foundation for a bit longer than canon, she still ultimately decides to leave and move on with her life instead of getting a job there. Much to Hibiki's dismay since that's another person she had to see go with the knowledge that they probably wouldn't see each other again afterwards.

She tried to get Yoruko to stay by telling her about how Kokoro was trying to bring back Sora too (this was kind of a secret between Kokoro and Hibiki). But since Yoruko doesn't like Mitsume at all anymore she doesn't want to believe in what she's doing or wait around when she could be met with nothing but dissapointment.

[archivist-the-knight]

hi. xiv analysis. i'm putting some stuff under the cut because that's all things relating to spoilers for the later half of the video jic.

firstly, xiv is a tiefling, but the exact tiefling subrace isn't specified in the video. i'd assume they're a Mephistopheles tiefling, given their appearance in game and the fact that meph tieflings are proficient in arcane magic. they're also known for being in more colder climates. i'll bring this up later.

they're a wild magic sorcerer, which is, in my opinion, super important to know to understand about their character. there's a multitude of ways I can describe it, but I think dnd 5e does a good job as it corresponds with Xiv's story. (link)

[Your innate magic comes from the wild forces of chaos that underlie the order of creation. You might have endured exposure to some form of raw magic, perhaps through a planar portal leading to Limbo, the Elemental Planes, or the mysterious Far Realm. Perhaps you were blessed by a powerful fey creature or marked by a demon. Or your magic could be a fluke of your birth, with no apparent cause or reason. However it came to be, this chaotic magic churns within you, waiting for any outlet.]

now. the spoilery content ^_^. also because this post is going to be like so long every kid with autism. [also very big warning for in-depth discussion of child abuse, particularly from a father, and the affects that has on said child. if you don't wanna read that part you don't have to]

xiv's father, even with the 13 other arcane batteries, is a very powerful man. he's a meph tiefling, giving him proficiency with arcane magic, and is probably a sorcerer like xiv. so, given that... the most logical explanation of xiv gaining the wild aspect of their magic is through enduring exposure to raw magic. Sure, it could potentially be "marked by a demon" given the fact they're a tiefling, but... Xiv's father isn't the best person.

bringing back the meph tieflings living in cold climates thing!! xiv mentioned they lived in a tower of sorts, far enough away where their father could keep them secluded. judging by the usage of negative space and scene layouts in their background animatic, we can retain the information that besides their father, they basically knew very little about the outside world growing up.

^^ tldr abt that. the animatic noticably gets more detailed as xiv both gets older and starts to doubt their father, and has its most detail when they have the wild magic explosion, and when they're escaping only to be put on the mindflayer ship ^_^.

anyway. with all of this to say, xiv's father is not a good man at all. he's done this 13 other times before getting to xiv, and didn't even give them an actual name. just the roman designation of it. he gave xiv a false, hopeful promise about how if they "honed their power, they could leave the tower", but fully intended to keep them there. it is slightly implied that their father got more abusive, more impatient and violent towards Xiv the more they messed up the more their magic lashed out even though it was wild by nature.

this is not good fatherly behavior!! telling them something that would never come true, especially basing it on their skill, they must have the worst damned imposter syndrome known to man!! second guessing themselves, thinking they're never good enough or having to check with the man who made that rule to see if anything they do is good... that isn't healthy!! that isn't a good thing to teach to your child!!

now back to xiv. that one "sex book" throwaway thing is brief but it says. so much about how xiv's father raised them?? i do not care if im looking too much into it but it literally implies that xiv just. doesn't know a lot about things beyond what their father's told them or what were in the books he probably gave them as a kid. combine that with the fact that they immeadily "push out" the mournful thoughts about rai's death to deal with "more important matters"... oh my god... they call me mx head of the xiv emotional support group... the ceo if you will...

and now... another important stepping stone to understanding xiv... rai's death.

first off xiv shapeshifting in the middle of the fight and going "no, not now, goddamnit-" its said in such a tone thats just so... not only is it because it's during such an important moment while they're fighting someone they consider a friend. it's almost as if they've been conditioned to believe that aspect of them isn't good. even though its what helps distract Rai so Tal can attack him. it's like they view it as something that needs to stop instead of something they can't control. which is. probably what their father saw it as! something that xiv needed to stop doing instead of honing to their abilities!

secondly... xiv is a sorcerer. you might be asking "eden!! weren't we just over this?" yeah but. rai... is also a sorcerer. he has the power to harness the storm. the first thing xiv says to rai during the fight is "you see, this is exactly why sorcerers shouldn't learn how to read! you always acted like you're so much better than me; we never should have trusted you!"

and that line in general. it's so. it's the last thing xiv says before rai dies. how did rai act like he was better than xiv? did they tell him this beforehand? is it something they kept locked up, never expressing until this moment? was it on purpose, or was it accidental? was it xiv, seeing rai do things they never learned how to do, and feeling jealous, angry, that he had a chance and they didn't? that rai got the joy of not knowing his parents, while xiv knew their father all too well?

and the sorcerer part... it's not only a dig at rai but themselves. they should've never learned how to read. they shouldn'tve been forced to spend ages in that library, learning spells and incantations instead of just trying to be a little kid. its so subtle yet it speaks so much about how xiv views themselves.

okay. that is basically it for canon stuff. this next part is headcanons/theories that i think are important for the discussion but aren't canon but. i still wanna yap <3

I think the tower/castle xiv grew up in is like, in a snowy mountain close to baldur's gate. it's quite the hike to get there and back but you can kind of see it through certain higher areas of the city. the tower is either positioned behind or to the side of the mountain. the side would be so evil because xiv seeing only a glimpse of the city...

i have this theory that xiv's father was a general or colonel for a war that tal was involved in, with tal's mother being a general as well. thus, i think xiv's only contact with people is either the other generals of this war, or their potential children that were brought over during the occasional meeting or dinner party. very vauge but regardless. smirks.

finally i think xiv was allowed out only on very slim occasions, usually when they begged their father hands and knees or when they did good on training. they were allowed to go with their father into the town of baldur's gate, but if they strayed from him they would be punished. severely. xiv usually went to bed that night hungry, in pain, but happy^_^

ok thats it for real. love peace and joy have a wonderful day <333

[ap-kinda-lit]

You know what they should have done in YuGiOh? You know what would have made a cool antagonist/monster?

This piece of work ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Apep (aka Apophis)

(aka Apophis) was a monstrous snake from Egyptian mythology. It’s not clear, but it seems like Apep has existed for, well, eternity. He was born from either goddess Neith’s saliva or Ra’s umbilical cord (no seriously). He’s just about always a snake (a creature normally respected and even admired in Egyptian lore, but not in this case…) and a big one. I mean, huge. Accounts vary, but he’s been described as reaching 16-120 yards in length (48-360 feet). Either way, he was a unit.

Egyptian mythology is fairly grey when it comes to good and evil, but when it comes to Apep…yeah no, they make it crystal clear that m*therf*cker was evil incarnate and every one feared and hated him. Saying his name alone was cursed, like Voldemort.

And for good reason, because Apep was a damn beast. Even the gods were nervous about him.

He created storms, earthquakes, and eclipses with his roar or just by moving. He could hypnotize people, mortals and gods alike, and he devoured souls, living and dead. The worst part of that, though, was that the souls would not die. Instead, they would be trapped in an endless void of darkness that was basically a hellish limbo. But, most of all, his favorite thing to do was pick fights with the sun god Ra and eat him alive. He would literally swallow the sun whole.

Yeah, that’s what he did. He would come after Ra, the god of the sun and king of the heavens, and they would do battle. Apep’s main goal was always to devour the sun, destroy Ra, and plunge the world into darkness and chaos. Sometimes, he would succeed in swallowing Ra, and it would take all the gods joining forces to free him from the snake’s belly. As a matter of fact, even Set—the literal god of chaos, an Egyptian Loki—would join in. Hell, it’s even said he stabbed Apep with a spear. Seriously. That’s how bad Apep was.

Priests would hold rituals every year to ward off Apep and the rituals consisted of going ham on a picture/sculpture of him. There was even a whole guide called “The Books of Overthrowing Apep”. Apep was essentially invincible, he could not be killed, even by the gods. All they could do was cut him to pieces and cast him into the underworld. But he would always come back sooner or later.

Apep was a bad, bad SOB.

So I’m thinking, how the hell did they not so much as mention him in Yu-Gi-Oh!?

He’s perfect! He’s a primordial kaiju that embodies chaos and eats gods like fruit snacks. Like, screw the Leviathan or Zorc, look at this guy. He makes the Leviathan from the DOMA arc look like a baby. Zorc is darkness incarnate? Bitch, Apep is right there. That job is already taken. Also, keep in mind that Ra was the first pharaoh, the forefather of all pharaohs. About every pharaoh in history was associated with the sun and Ra. Atem/Yami Yugi was destined to encounter Apep at some point.

I seriously wish there was an arc including Apep. Hell, I would sell my kidney to replace the goddamn Waking the Dragons arc with a different arc on Apep (in case you didn’t know, I don’t care for the DOMA arc).

Please tell me I’m not alone on this.

*bonus

Sometimes Ra (or Bastet or Hathor) would transform into a cat to fight Apep and it was shown in hieroglyphs. Here’s one of them.

I just think that’s neat

[didgeriduwu]

Chapters: 2/?

Fandom: Team Fortress 2

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Scout/Sniper (Team Fortress 2)

Characters: Scout (Team Fortress 2), Sniper (Team Fortress 2), Medic (Team Fortress 2), Spy (Team Fortress 2), Scout's Mother (Team Fortress 2), Other Character Tags to Be Added

Additional Tags: Trans Scout (Team Fortress 2), Trans Male Scout (Team Fortress 2), Trans Male Character, Tokophobia Warning, Pregnancy, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mpreg, (i guess it depends on your definition), Emotionally Repressed Sniper (Team Fortress 2), oh god just communicate you fucks, Established Relationship, Situationship?, Spy is Scout's Parent (Team Fortress 2), no beta I have no friends, Medic is a cunt i love him, Scout's Ma is the best, Discussion of Abortion, Unplanned Pregnancy, almost forgot that one

Summary: Sniper and Scout's relationship is in limbo, and neither seems to know if or how to fix it. Unexpected news finally forces a change, but whether it'll be for better or for worse is anyone's guess.

-------------------

Three weeks. Jeremy had three weeks before he started to ‘show’; That’s what the doc had said, at least. Well, he’d actually said that most people started to show then. Same thing, right? Jeremy plunged his hands into his hoodie’s front pockets only to pull them out right away; his stomach felt… different already. He thought back to the image of himself in the mirror that morning, shirt rolled up to his armpits and his belly…

Nope! Not thinkin’ bout that. Jeremy yanked his mind back to the problem at hand. He had three weeks before the secret was out. Three weeks to figure out what he was going to do, and then do it. It was as simple as that.

It stopped seeming so simple pretty much immediately.

Jeremy stared down the barrel of Teufort’s only public payphone and tried to work up the nerve to dial his Ma’s number. He’d tried twice before, only to slam the handset back into its cradle before reaching the last digit.

Third time’s the charm.

Jeremy quickly dialed the number and closed his eyes. He waited three rings before his courage failed him. The handset’s swift journey home was interrupted by his Ma’s voice.

“Doyle residence, you’ve got Gracie.”

Jeremy froze with the handset an inch away from its rest.

“Hello-oo, anybody there? You called me, ya know.”

He brought the mouthpiece closer. “Uh, hi Ma.”

“Jeremy! I thought you were one of those Sullivan kids trying to prank me again. Did I tell ya I made ‘em clean your brother’s car top to bottom? That’ll teach ‘em not to throw eggs! Did a real good job of it too, I musta scared the livin’ daylights out of ‘em. Oh! Did ya hear about Mrs. Jenkins? I heard…”

The only person Jeremy had ever met who could out-talk him was his mother. Most of the time, he loved having someone who could keep up. He lived for his Sunday calls, in part because he could have a conversation where he didn’t feel like he was talking to himself most of the time.

Today though, he was too bogged down in dread to keep up. “Ma, I need to talk to ya ‘bout somethin’ important. You gotta promise not to be mad at me, though. Do ya promise not to be mad at me?”

“Should I be mad at you? What did ya do, Jer?” Gracie gave the same long-suffering sigh she always did when one of her boys got into trouble. She never quite managed to hide the affection in it, despite her best efforts. “Do ya need bailin’ out again, cause-”

“Ma, please just promise.”

Gracie must have registered the uncertainty in his voice because her next words were softer. Slower. “I promise. Cross my heart n’ hope to die. What’s goin’ on, hon?”

“I’m uh-” He swallowed. Please don’t be mad at me. “I’m uh… pregnant?”

All Jeremy could hear for a moment was the faint buzzing of the phone line, and then: “Is that a question or a statement, Jer?”

“Wha-?”

Her voice was terrifyingly even. “Are ya telling me or are ya asking me?”

“Oh, uh, telling. The Doc says I’m seven-” Jeremy took a second to do the math. “I guess nine now. Nine weeks along.”

A sigh, then in a sympathetic tone. “Ya must really be feeling it now then, huh hon?”

“Yeah.” Jeremy breathed relief through the word. Suddenly all the complaints he’d been holding on to for the last week spilled out. “I’m so frickin’ sick all the time and I constantly need to pee. Like, constantly, Ma. Every five minutes, at least. And I’m cryin’ over nothin’. Yesterday I almost cried over dropping a bag of chips and… oh god, it's happening again.” He swiped violently at his eyes, trying to stop the tears from escaping down his cheeks. “Why am I so frickin’ stupid?”

“Oh honey, you’re not stupid! You’re just full of weird hormones, and I’d bet ya haven’t slept a full night for a while, huh?” At Jeremy’s hum of assent, she continued. “I was exactly the same with my first. Your brother didn’t make it easy on me! I was so sick the doctor had to put me on these awful pills. And then when he started movin’! That kid would not stay still for a minute! But in the end, I got Robbie out of it, and I wouldn’t trade ‘im for the world. Wouldn’t trade any o’ you kids.”

Silence filled the line for a few seconds. The smile that had grown on Jeremy’s face as she spoke slowly began to fade. The next words from him came in a whisper. “What do I do, Ma?”

“I can’t tell ya that, Jerbear.”

Jeremy sighed. “I thought ya might say that.”

“Listen, you got options now, hon. Ones I didn’t have at your age. I won’t lie and say I wouldn’t love to have another grandbaby runnin’ around, but what I want more is for my baby boy to be happy. Ya got that?”

Jeremy swallowed. “Yeah.”

“Good. Don’t let that fella of yours tell ya what to do about this either, alright? It’s your body.”

That was a can of worms Jeremy refused to even touch right now. “I won’t, Ma.”

“Attaboy. Now, I gotta go pick up your nephew. Lil’ Sammy’s on the honour roll, did I tell ya that? Anyway, I promised we’d go get ice cream today to celebrate. Do ya wanna call me back in like an hour?”

Jeremy felt a stab of homesickness and… something else. Something he didn’t want to think about too much. “That’s okay, Ma. I’m pretty tired. Give Sam an extra scoop for me, okay?”

Gracie gave a laugh that wasn’t too dissimilar to her youngest son’s. “Your brother might kill ya for that. He’s gotta get that kid to sleep tonight.”

“Pfft. He can try but ya know he’ll never catch me.” Jeremy gave a watery grin and a laugh that surprised him. “Besides, he can’t kill a pregnant guy. There are laws against that kinda stuff!”

“There’s my Jer!” He heard his Ma smiling through the phone. “Remember hon, whatever happens you can always come home.”

“You’re really not mad at me, then?” The words slipped from his throat before he could stop them.

“Well, I’m not gonna disown ya or anythin’ if that’s what you’re worried about.” Gracie paused for a moment. “Ya know, I always thought I would be mad, but right now I just wish I could give ya a hug. Besides, I bet you’re probably mad enough for the both of us.”

“Yeah, I could really do with a hug right now.” Jeremy felt a pang of loneliness, even as some of the burden he’d been carrying fell from his shoulders. “Thank you, Ma. You’re the best. I love you.”

“I love you too, Jer. Always.”

…

What he was doing was wrong - even Spy knew that - but it had been weeks of this absurdité. Spy had spotted Scout dart off in the middle of battle to expel the contents of his stomach too many times. He’d watched the bags under the runner’s eyes grow darker day by day. Merde, he’d even noticed a case of Bonk! left undisturbed for days in the Mess’s fridge.

Non. It was no use speculating. There was something wrong with his son, and Spy had to find out what it was. So he waited. He bided his time for the perfect moment to strike and when he spotted Jeremy heading toward town on a Sunday afternoon, Spy didn’t hesitate; He flicked open his Spytron and slipped into the guise of his son.

Thin light shone weakly through the infirmary doors’ circular windows, signaling the doctor was in. Spy had never managed to shake the feeling that they were two monstrous eyes peering at him, as foolish as that notion was. He hated this place, but he’d seen Scout headed here more times in the past week than he had in all of the previous years combined, and Spy knew that this was the best place to find answers.

Medic only looked up briefly when he entered, flicking his eyes back to whatever gory experiment he was working on. “Ah, Herr Scout! I do hope zhis time you have made a decision, ja?” The German seemed annoyed, voice dripping with especially false cheer.

Spy jumped up on the examination table in one swift motion, ignoring the twinge of pain in his knees that told him he wasn’t so young anymore. “Uh not yet, Doc. I dunno what ta choose. Could we go ovah da options again?”

Medic looked at him then, eyes narrowing as he pushed his glasses further up his nose. A sigh escaped him. “One moment, Herr Scout.”

Spy watched as the German wandered over to rifle through a cabinet. “Now where did I leave it? Not zhere. Nein..” He worked his way through three drawers before finally: “Ah-ha! Zhere it is.”

“What’s dat you got- AH!” Spy howled at the wickedly large needle that had quite suddenly become one with the palm of his hand. “C’est quoi ce bordel?” [What the fuck! Literally: What is this mess? Even more literally: What is this brothel?] Spy looked up to see the business end of a crossbow aimed at his head.

“RED or BLU?” Medic demanded.

“Quoi-”

“RED or BLU? I suppose I vould find out if I killed you right now, but zen I’d have to leave my lab to find out vhy you are here. I’m a busy man, Herr Spy, so just spit it out.”

Slowly, Spy used his good hand to retrieve the disguise kit from his pocket. “BLU.” He said, as the image of Scout dissolved into smoke around him. “I am on your team, see?”

Medic sniffed. “I have never been entirely convinced of zhat.” He lowered his crossbow, nonetheless. “I assume you are here about Herr Scout?”

Spy considered lying, but the glint in the good doctor’s eye told him it would be fruitless. “Oui.”

“Wunderbar! I’ve prepared a brief for you.” Medic flung a manilla folder into the Frenchman’s lap. Spy scrambled to keep it from sliding off.

“You were expecting me?”

“Of course! I had assumed you vould be here much earlier, to be honest.” Medic turned his attention to the syringe still lodged in Spy’s palm. In one swift motion, he tore it out.

Spy’s accompanying cry was in anger as well as pain. “Why the fuck did you stab me then?”

“Zhat vas just for fun! No dangerous untested pharmaceuticals here!” His gleeful chuckle was far from reassuring. “Now, out! I’m busy! Raus! Raus!”

Spy didn’t question that as he slid off the examination table. He’d worked in intelligence long enough to know when it was better not to know. There was one thing, however, he couldn’t help but ask.

Smoke engulfed him for a moment, before the visage of Scout once again replaced his own. With that uncouth Boston twist, Spy asked: “Outta interest, Doc, what gave me away?”

“Oh zhat?” Medic let out a terrifying giggle, eyes on the place where the Bostonian’s usual red t-shirt was tucked into the waist of his baseball knickers. “Your image of him is out of date. Did you not zhink Herr Scout has put on a little… veight, recently?”

[tainbocuailnge]

So a friend of mine who I talk with about FGO says Ashiya Douman is one of the most irredeemable assholes in all of FGO b/c his acts of evil were way more personal than most antagonists and he was ALWAYS like this (it isn't just servant BS), the entire reason the Heian-Kyo story exists is b/c Chaldea is going after him so even Ritsuka should hate him. I just want to know how much of a monster he truly is or if my friend is just SUPER fixating on the bad parts (it helps to get other opinions).

obligatory disclaimer that i read heian kyo in the form of fallacies' fantranslations and I'm still in atlantis on NA

at the end of heian kyo we get a scene of the living ashiya douman trying to kill himself because he knows all the crimes caster of limbo committed were rooted in feelings that he indeed harbours and it horrifies him. he's horrified that all it took to break him was hearing "at this rate you'll never surpass seimei even once" in his own voice. he's horrified that he's capable of doing the things caster of limbo did and his sense of morality says he should kill himself for knowing the conditions under which he will break. it's seimei who talks him out of it, even though seimei knows douman in panhuman history was nearing his breaking point at this time and would soon indeed start committing numerous great evils.

is ashiya douman an irredeemable person? caster of limbo, who is ashiya douman's inferiority complex over forever being seimei's ridiculed rival combined with two gods who are both ill-defined but likewise designated as targets for hatred, wants you to believe this, because the purpose given to him by the alien god is to be an insufferable irredeemable clown bastard. ashiya douman also believes this, because the feelings at the root of caster of limbo are real. is it true though?

although the historical abe no seimei is widely known and beloved, and ashiya douman is consequently almost as much of a household name, not much is known about douman at all beyond the few stories where he gets clowned on to make seimei look better. is douman a villain just because we mostly know him from stories where the hero defeats him? caster of limbo was unable to become a beast of humanity because he lacked the love for humanity necessary to become a stepping stone for humanity's growth. he also failed to become a plague upon humanity because ashiya douman does not hate humanity and does not want to destroy it. ultimately, all he ever wanted was simply to surpass his friend and rival seimei even just once.

limbo is the afterlife for people not evil enough for hell and not good enough for heaven. when he tries to do good he fails to become a hero. when he tries being evil he fails to become the final boss. there is much evil in ashiya douman, certainly, and you need far more than two hands to count his crimes. there is much evil in many people, and there are many circumstances in which it will reveal itself. he's good at psychologically torturing people because he's intimately familiar with how insecurities can ruin a person and his job as alter ego was to bring out the worst in people. his acts of evil are way more personal than most others because he has no greater goal he wants to achieve, he has no other purpose than to be an insufferable irredeemable clown until he's backed into a corner and realizes that he does have something he wants to achieve, namely proving that he can achieve anything at all.

if you ask me, ashiya douman's character is meant to make you ask how useful "redeemability" even is in assessing a person's worth. when playing house with nursery rhyme he requests the role of mother in law because the nature of his legend is to be the hated person that makes everyone else look better by comparison, regardless of anything he actually did. he's obsessed with people who lost something important to them that they want to get back at all cost, and he gets his claws in them by offering them a way to get revenge, to show those who wronged them what they can really do. he wants to help just as much as he wants to hurt, and in many of the cases in the game those two end up being the same thing and mostly causing a lot of problems for everyone and especially chaldea, but that doesn't exclude that there are circumstances in which he would have helped more than hurt. if things were different maybe he wouldn't have ended up like this, and who's to say things can't still be different?

is ashiya douman irredeemable? this is not the right question to ask in this game. nobody in fate is ever truly irredeemable as long as they're willing to learn and grow, and alter ego ashiya douman shows up in chaldea so that he might learn to understand love.

[sergeifyodorov]

Sometimes I just think about how insanely different the lives of all the 2015 draft class players are now and it makes me feel ridiculous. Like, Mitch is a hometown kid on the leafs and they either love him or hate him at all times, he’s doing good personally, is getting married, but professionally he’s in so much limbo. Connor is the most talented player in the world according to most people but he cannot win and the weight of the world is on his shoulders and he’s in a big black and white house in Edmonton. Jack was pretty much held hostage by the team that never wanted him, his bodily autonomy completely denied, and then he finally gets traded to the nhl villain team and he beats the guy who was always better than him. And Dylan isn’t exceptional as a player, he’s decent on an aging team full of dads and he has a wife and a daughter and another on the way and he just seems happy. I wonder if they ever think about each other.

I KNOW RIGHT like each of their stories has just gotten so much More interesting over the course of the past ... coming up on eight years now. Hockey is a fantastic soap opera, you know? The story just keeps on going.

And the crazy part is we're not even halfway through. A hockey player with a shelf life -- Mitch and Connor both seem pretty durable, and Jack seems a lot healthier now after his neck trouble has been resolved -- can last fifteen, twenty years if they're lucky. Who knows where the story will go from here? Dylan's contract extends further into the future than any other Capital -- he'll be a UFA in the summer of 2028, which ironically gives him more job security than any of the other three in the class. Good, for a boy who just wanted to be wanted somewhere. I wonder what the Capitals will look like after Ovi's done. (Assuming Ovi ever retires, although I have a sneaking suspicion he and Sid will go out in the same summer. They have always been entwined, after all.)

I desperately want to know if we'll see any of them on any other teams, too! Hockey is unlike a lot of other sports in that its biggest and brightest superstars tend to stay as put as possible: of what I consider to be the six "generational talents," (Howe, Gretzky, Lemieux, Crosby, Ovechkin, McDavid)(IF U HAVE OPINIONS ON THIS SEND THEM TO MEEEEE), only one of them so far has played for more than one NHL team (Howe era Whalers don't count!!!). Mitch isn't generational by any means, but he's far and away enough of a superstar to go just about anywhere he wants, which for my own feeble sanity I beg means #leafsforever. I just hope if they go anywhere else then they keep to the colour scheme! Dylan's three teams have all been red and Jack's have both been yellow/gold. If Connor McDavid becomes a Dallas Star it'll mess with the damn symbolism (plus his TA of mathematics ass could never match the vibe that silly little group of rapscallions has).

And... the eternal question: the Cup. Eichs is obviously still in the hunt right now, but i do dearly want to know who of the four of them wins it and when. Fun fact: both Dylan's and Jack's only playoff appearances to date have involved eliminating Connor. Mitch actually made the playoffs first out of all four of them, but by one measly game Connor has more wins.

In summary: Urgrghghuhuhsgdhkgjhfdghhfgkdjfhjkd the lore... the drama... etc etc

[turtlethon]

Hi there!! I’m such a big fan of your reviews, you did a great job with them!! 😄

My biggest questions would be;

Who’s your favorite turtle? And if you had to choose just five episodes from the series, which ones would be your all time favorites? 😁

Thank you!! Have a great day!!

Thank you so much for the kind words! For the record, I'm Team Donnie, always a big fan of the inventor/scientist archetype. (Also my favourite colour is purple, so he gets an extra point right there.)

I feel like when it comes to picking the top five episodes the natural inclination is just to pick the first five, and with good reason; nothing that came after S1 had as much time, care or money afforded to it. So just to make things interesting, I'm going to set everything from season one aside and pick five more episodes that I think also deserve to be celebrated.

5. THE DIMENSION X STORY

The Turtles having to fight their way into the Technodrome (and back out again) somehow never fully lost its allure. This one and "Shredder's Mom" both rank highly in my estimation, and while this is the less visually impressive of the two I think it wins out for how willing it is to mix things up, sending the Channel 6 regulars to Dimension X while two of the Turtles remain behind. Wild, far flung adventures that tap into the more sci-fi aspects of TMNT, and the cherry on top is that this is easily Vernon's best episode - it turns out he's more interesting as April's rival when he's doing well and she has to work to regain the upper hand.

4. THE NINJA SWORD OF NOWHERE

This one gets few points for innovation - Shredder and his crew jostling with the Turtles for control of some ancient magical artifact or high-tech invention is standard stuff for season three, and in this case, it's a dimension-hopping ninja sword. But rarely, if ever, has it been done this well. Splinter and Shredder battling in dimensional limbo is great, and the animation team handling this one really went above and beyond. Ninja Sword of Nowhere almost feels like it should have been held up as a textbook example of what a Turtles episode circa 1989/90 should be, a reference point that could be shown to writers or animators for what the show should be trying to acheive.

3. SPLINTER VANISHES

The intended 100th episode, even if it didn't turn out that way, and one that I remember feeling like a big deal while watching it as a kid that still held up upon revisiting it as an adult. I always know it's a really good ep when writing the entry for it takes hours as I agonise over it, trying to make sure I articulate everything I want to get across to the best of my ability, and I remember dwelling on this one for a looong time, thinking about how the story compels the Turtles - and us - to consider what happens when the adventures end, when it's time to grow up and move on. Probably the most emotionally resonant episode of TMNT '87, and even though Splinter does not come across well by the end of it, the journeys we go on with each of the Turtles as they explore their post-hero lives easily outweigh that. The fact that "Splinter Vanishes" accomplishes all of this and is a non-Shredder episode - when let's face it, they're more often than not filler shows - makes it all the more remarkable.

2. SHREDDER TRIUMPHANT!

I have mixed feelings about the show continuing into the Red Sky era because this episode, the season seven finale, felt like it had brought TMNT '87 to its natural end point. I love how it plays upon the sense that the Turtles (and the viewers) have that they've seen and done this all a million times before, and it quickly becomes apparent that this time things are different, that finally Shredder and Krang are competent and have learned from all their previous losses, setting the stage for one final showdown. All the main characters - the Turtles, Splinter, the Technodrome regulars and the Channel 6 crew - get their chance to shine and show how they've grown over the course of the show's run. A milestone episode for sure.

1. TURTLES ON TRIAL

I think for me this is still The One, the single episode outside of the first season that I'd consider peak TMNT. It's also the first episode I remember seeing on TV, which I think set me up to have entirely unrealistic expectations about how good Turtles would be; fortunately the rest of the run was still a good time even if we never quite got here again.

I like to see my heroes really have to go through the wringer, to have everything thrown at them and somehow just about make it out victorious, and so the environment we see the Turtles forced to contend with here, a city full of people who have been conditioned to be actively hostile towards them, while they're also dealing with the usual Shredder/Krang stuff, makes for compelling television. Yes, Clayton Kellerman and "On Trial" are a perfect encapsuation of the media landscape at the time - which still feels relevant today - but on top of that this is a gorgeous episode with some terrific battles between the Turtles and Shredder's bunch. It's simply the bee's knees. (Or should that be the turtle's knees?)

[mrbingley]

exorcising these feelings blaaaahh:

tired of being in my loser era!!!! so tired of being stuck in dead end hrly wage underpaid jobs (even tho the one i currently have i love! but the hrs they give me arent enough to live on!). so tired of both my siblings and all of my close "irl" friends having salaried, "grown up" jobs that make me feel so so so so ashamed of where im at in comparison. im tired of skipping meals to make ends meet! im tired of not being able to buy myself little gifts. and seeing the occasional buying of two meals a day as a tremendous indulgence. i'm tired of applying to jobs trying to find something that pays well (i have lost count of how many jobs i've applied to in the last six months) and only having done approx six interviews in total despite applying to so so so many positions (some that are as equally poor pay and im more than qualified for). i feel like i am stuck in hell! i am so tired of losing! im turning 30 this yr and no well paying jobs want anything to do with me even if my experience fits the position. even when i do get the very rare interview and seemingly do well, im still never the one chosen! and i am! so tired! of it! i cant keep doing this. i will likely only be living in arizona for a yr. i wanted to spend that yr getting to meet beloved online friends on the west coast!!!!!!!! but im too sad and poor to do that! i wanted to buy cool tattoos from tattoo artists here that do great stuff but im too poor to do that! i wanted to visit mexico and disneyland while im over here but, once more, i am too poor to do that! being poor is so exhausting!!!!!! being stuck in low paying hrly jobs is exhausting! i cant escape it! no matter how hard i try! i've been trying for six months! i've been trying so hard! my real best! and it's gotten me nothing! that is a harrowing, drowning feeling! that my best attempt isn't enough to get me into a job/life i want! i am so tired of the financial stress of living! i applied to grad school programs for poetry again last yr but got rejected by all but one, and even that was just a waitlist. they told me it was likely i'd get in but then i didn't and they sent a personalized sorry you didn't make the cut email. and it was like that with this latest job interview (the first company that i've ever interviewed for a salaried position). they seemed to like me and said my interview was fantastic but then chose someone else and then told me to interview for a diff open position that my resume fits better so i did and then they didn't hire me for that one either! i'm always always always at my very best just slightly not good enough. it is never ever a yes for me. it's never "you're good you're the one we want you". and that is such a heavy thing to internalize. i wanted to apply to fiction creative writing mfa programs this yr just to say i tried but i've been avoiding finishing my writing sample b/c i don't know if i can handle anymore rejection. people always say waiting to hear back about interviews or grad school applications or etc is the most anxiety inducing part of the process. it's my favorite part. because it's that limbo period where i can pretend that the answer might be a "yes".