#so I figured who else should i make a dumb post about than this dude

[azathothweirdo]

I really love this scene. It's the first time we really ever see how genuinely gentle he can be, and how much he does care for the children. The way he hugs Prushka here, and name her always gets me. He believes in full she is special from this moment, and is going to nurture this potential.

It's aspects like this that really add to his character. He's a man who can show incredible cruelty with no mercy. But he is also capable of being kind and loving. The part that always gets me and makes me love him is that it's all real despite what the end result is.

When he speaks about the children to Reg, he is proud of them. Fondly remembering what they were meant to be. This is is especially important because all cartridges look the same. Bondrewd remembers which kid is which even in that form. That what is happening isn't wasteful sacrifices to him. He respects them, he remembers them, because they are the children he loved dearly.

Love is really a curse and a blessing when it comes to this man.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Very much feeling this. Apologies for the Long Post incoming.

Microcelebrities like me definitely have a responsibility to be careful with our speech, and definitely a greater responsibility than most people due to the audiences we have access to. We can do more harm, so we should be more careful.

But also, nobody is taught how to do this. We're not taught what "being careful" means or how to do communication to an audience or to a public. We don't go to school for it, there's no licensing process, there are essentially no guidelines. Nobody takes a course that outlines the harms we can do, the ill effects we might be responsible for, or how to avoid them. The only way to learn is to fuck up repeatedly, or watch other people fuck up and pray to god you have figured out how to avoid stepping in the bear trap.

We pull a lucky ticket out of the universe and suddenly a niche hobby becomes a viable way to pay rent. Or, more often, it's not even a viable way to pay rent, but thousands of people are watching you do what you do anyway and suddenly you have tenfold responsibility with no training and no compensation for all the time you'll have to spend learning.

Because the sheer grind of just Keeping Up On Content is so relentless, there's rarely time or resources to do anything else. In hindsight, it often feels to me like I looked away for five minutes and suddenly my channel had 200.000 subscribers, and I barely had a moment to breathe since this became my job.

And so you find yourself casually saying something dumb and insensitive which you shouldn't have said - something which under normal circumstances should lead to your friend giving you a weird look and saying "hey, don't be like that, that's fucked up," but which now has the consequence that a hundred people decide to spend a hour, a day, a week, a month, or even years yelling at you about it.

I'm a cis white dude, I have all of the privileges and protections in the world shielding me, and I still find it difficult and anxiety inducing to simply tweet casually at my friends sometimes.

Social media at large is engineered from the ground up to cause and foment conflict. Its systems of engagement, its ways of measuring the "success" of a given piece of content, are all purpose-built to encourage it. Causing conflict rewards you as a content creator, but it also rewards everyone who piles on to the conflict with engagement, with Number Go Up, with relevance, with followers, with visibility, with notability.

There's a systemic drive to be inflammatory, whether that means gushing over a favourite blorbo as a stan or viciously attacking anyone who thinks your favourite blorbo is boring. K-pop stans built a culture of fear off of that dynamic that penetrated to mainstream TV talk shows. Tumblr users tend to respond to a post going viral with apprehension and dread, and we all know why.

And god save you if you're already vulnerable. God save you if you're a woman, if you're a person of color, if you're non-cis, if you exist in any intersection of oppression, because when The Pile-On is triggered it is a fucking avalanche. All proportionality is thrown right the fuck out the window, because the structure of social media makes absolutely everyone feel like their expression and reaction exists in a personalized bubble.

Everyone who joins the pile-on feels like they had the reasonable, proportional reaction to the infraction, that they responded with rationality and poise and composure, utterly insulated from the hundreds or thousands of other people who also feel like they responded reasonably and proportionally. The structure of hyper-individualized social media keeps each pebble ignorant of the landslide they're a part of, and they'll certainly never feel responsible for the boulders that follow.

And this is just the shit that can get started in good faith. Some influencer jackoff like me says a dumb thing and the pile-on explodes over it, that's one thing, but far worse than that is the bad faith shit. The cruel freaks who make it their business to intentionally interpret every word out of someone's mouth in the worst possible faith with the explicit objective of painting a target on their back.

GamerGate is the ur-example of how bad it can get, but I have friends who have stalkers actively trying to ruin their romantic and professional lives over completely innocuous tweets they made half a decade ago. The worst people on the internet do not need a reason, they only need an excuse. Any excuse.

This is a systemic problem, not a problem of individuals. It is built into and enabled by the social systems that the internet is run on.

And it reinforces structures of oppression. White cis guys like me can get away with unspeakable things if we just post a YouTube Apology Video crying about it with enough apparent sincerity, but everyone less protected could lose their actual livelihoods over minor infractions. People with access to a good education have much more of a chance to learn the skills of rhetoric, the historical context, the jargon and the communication skills it takes to weather a controversy, people with strong social support networks have a much better chance at dealing with the mental and social stress of hundreds of strangers yelling at them online.

So god help you if you're poor and uneducated, god help you if you're working class, god help you if you're a queer person whose only support networks exist online. We're all standing on the same shaky trap-door, but guys like me are thrown ropes to cling on to, and the fash have fucking jetpacks.

So yeah, it's fair enough to react to me saying this with "boo hoo, white influencer man is upset he has to mind his mouth," but if you take anything away from this unstructured rant, please take away some consciousness that however funny it seems when this shit gets turned on a guy like Bean Dad, that's not who this tendency actually causes damage to.

It gets turned on the vulnerable far more often and with far more devastating effects than it ever causes on the powerful. It is a tendency of reactionary thinking and behaviour, it is a tendency that reinforces and empowers hierarchies, it is a tendency that validates the impulses and behaviours of the worst people on the internet, and it's a tendency that reinforces itself. The more it is done, the more imperative it becomes to be the one doing it so as to avoid being the one done to.

And not for nothing, but harassment chuds like the ones that dwell on K*w*f*rms love to pick their victims by seeing which problematic queer gets singled out from the herd by the others. They do not give a shit that some working class trans person had a genuinely dogshit bad take, they care that they're unprotected and can be destroyed. They care that they can make the rest of them live in fear of suffering the same.

I don't know how to stop it or fix it, I don't know how to fix almost any systemic issue, but I at least encourage you (and myself, I'm not fucking exempt from any of this) not to join in with it. At least don't participate.

By which I don't mean give shitty people online a free pass to say whatever dumb shit they want with no consequence, but try to evaluate which consequences need to be enacted by you, and make the consequence proportional without leaving people out to be unprotected targets for the fash.

this is gonna be controversial (lol), but y’all gotta remember blogs aren’t celebrities with their own PR teams.

if you find something a blogger said insensitive, it probably is! privilege & social environment leave way too many blindspots for that to never happen. and it’s super okay to alert people to their blindspots! but do so with the awareness that those not used to having their speech policed by strangers may respond with baffled defensiveness if you come at them aggressively.

and when that happens, whipping out the “you’re not the man I thought I married” speech, and giving yourself permission to go into full cuss-out beast mode is like………………unproductive and kinda mean-spirited

[odinsblog]

i usually use the anon function bc im embarrassed to ask people things sjfjfjhs but I've never sent anything horrible to anyone!! I'm sorry you've had negative experiences with the anon function before, you don't deserve that at all!! sending love!

[re: this post]

Thank you. I genuinely appreciate you rn

People like you are literally the only reason why I don’t completely disable the anon feature, because I understand that sometimes people are shy, or they want to express themselves without taking shit. I actually dO get that

But alas, as with everything, there are those who abuse what really should be thought of as a nicety, or privilege—some people just abuse it

Very long rant, incoming

So here’s the thing, right? Sometimes when people are online, they act and behave in ways they wouldn’t dare to irl

I’m not the government. I don’t have a staff to edit my posts. I’m not anybody special. I’m just some dude on the internet who enjoys sharing my opinions and other things. If YOU don’t like or agree with my opinions or something else that I post, you are completely free to keep scrolling or to block me. That’s fine. But when anons begin demanding that I phrase things the way that they’re more comfortable with, then we got serious issues

And another thing: people need to not be so quick to assume malicious intent where none exists

For example, I have accidentally typed the number 500 in a post when I meant to type 50–now, in the specific post, it truly was a significant error. But an anon immediately jumped into the comments and self righteously accused me of lying to make a point, rather than saying to themselves, “Hm, maybe Odin just made a typo”

And my personal favorites

them: YOU’RE SPREADING MISINFORMATION AND DISINFORMATION !!!!

me: um, it was a fucking joke? do they have jokes where you come from?

Or,

me: posts a video of an alligator and some cranes, and adds a bit of whimsical commentary

them: WELL ACTUALLY, THAT IS PROBABLY PREDATORY BEHAVIOR AND I THINK YOU SHO-

me: no. goddamn, I can’t be fucking whimsical on a social media site? eat shit. stfu

And also,

them: well technically, it’s not really fascism

me: maybe not, but it’s fucking close enough. I’m not gonna wait for people to start getting marched into ovens and say, “now can we call it fascism??”

I have literally had all of these dumb, stupid ass conversations (almost verbatim) here on tumblrdotcom, and lemme tell ya, it’s frustrating af

And other times, when I author a post containing a hyperlink on desktop but then later edit it on mobile, sometimes the hyperlink doesn’t carry over to mobile and you’re left with a post that may say “source,” but is not clickable. It happens sometimes, and it’s not a big deal, right?? WRONG! Instead of sending an ask to ask me what happened to the link, I’ve had anons accuse me of “not crediting” a source

I’ve had people use anon to accuse me of cropping videos so that I could somehow “steal” credit from others, and I’m just like … What??? Who does that? Who has the time for all of that? Are you aware that sometimes people on the internet see something like a video or a photo from somewhere else (also uncredited from twitter, reddit, facebook, etc), and then just post it here on tumblr??

And no, I am not talking about reposting someone’s art or other works

Look, if YOU get your thrills from finding out who/where/when the very first instance of every single cat or dog video came from, that’s great! Do you. Knock yourself out. Have fun. But don’t try to shame others because we aren’t all humorless poindexters like you

If I post something from tiktok, the video generally tells you where to go to see it there. If it’s a tweet or from reddit, again, there are usually twitter or reddit handles in the tweet. And NO, I am not putting a link to every single tweet or reddit thread or facebook post — if that’s that important to you, then figure it out. It’s not hard, and in the year 2023 most adults should have the necessary skills to find an original tweet, if that’s something that’s important to you. I’m not doing it for you, not sorry

(SN: I’ll never forget when I took my first college English literature course, and at the end of the semester I was on the bubble for getting an A or an A+ in the class, and our final exam was a written essay that would decide my final grade. I didn’t quite score the A+ that I wanted, and when I looked over my essay, the professor wrote on it: “Odin, you are the quintessential college freshman, and your inquisitiveness has made this semester one of my most enjoyable.” And after class, I walked up to him and thanked him, and asked him what quintessential meant? He opened his mouth and was about to answer me, but then he smiled, wagged his finger at me and said, “you should learn to look things up.” He was one of my favorite professors (had a British accent, eyeglasses and reminded me of Giles from Buffy), but I’ve never forgotten that lesson. Some of you very obviously need to learn it too)

I’ve also made what are very obviously jokes online, only to have people accuse me of misrepresenting facts—and then I’m like, do I really need to explain the concept of what a joke is to you people??

Like, I could see if it was something racist, trans/homophobic, Islamophobic, antisemitic, etc, BUT I DON’T DO THAT

I think that some people need to be seen as, or have a desire to be known as a gatekeeper, and instead of using just a tiny bit of common sense, they try to make mountains out of molehills to elevate themselves in the eyes of their followers

The people who act this way are truly joyless human beings, and they probably suck all the fun out of parties and other events that people are forced to spend time with them

Maybe try socializing a bit more? Learn to read (online) cues. Don’t be so eager to accuse everyone of doing something wrong just so that YOU get to look like the good guy

And all of that’s without even addressing all of the straight up racist anons that I constantly receive

Like, do people even understand that we aren’t inside of each other’s heads? Sometimes we’re all dealing with life and other stuff. And just maybe people are busy trying to have just a tiny bit of fun, and then the mf fun police come along and try to ruin shit? Because I don’t use a word exactly the same way you do?? Or because of an obvious joke?? You guys who do this kind of shit really SUCK

I feel sorry for you

I almost can’t believe this is the piddling little shit that some people choose to be upset over

Please find some REAL things to be upset over

Try learning to use the feature that lets users (gasp) make a post of their very own! instead of fixating on one goddamn mutha fucking post that wasn’t worded to your liking

I am not here for the discourse with anyone with an internet connection and a keyboard

Please go touch some grass

[twillightteaparty]

I really liked your post about the Pomefiore members acting like the reader's older brother. I'd like to request headcannons for the same concept but with Heartslabyul this time! Thanks~

Heartslabyul Boys Acting Like An Older Brother!

Ace

“Ace, why are you acting like my older brother? I'm older than you/same age as you” “nobody else was gonna do it! So I may as well!” “But I don’t” “SSSH now help me out would yeah?”

Definitely not the best choice for an older sibling figure- but definitely not the worse choice for one either? He probably tries to pretend to be a protective older brother-type dude when you very much can handle yourself.

You thought the teasing was bad when you guys were just friends? Well, you're in for a whole new boat of cringy pain. He means well I swear but boy does it just hurt.

Brightside out of all of this is that you are now his go to partner in crime, well for the most part anyways. So I hope you like causing problems on purpose.

Down side is the fact that i want to make so many joke of him being the dumb brother figure from any show i watched growing up.

Deuce

Despite never having been an older brother figure once he is surprisingly good at it. He never overstep any boundaries. Goes out of his way to help you when he sees you struggling with something. Very sweet boy.

With that said he would also fist fight someone for you if required. Mind you he doesn’t want to fight someone if he can avoid it but if some rude individual can’t take a hint or is being extra on the gross side? He can reconsider his politeness.

Quality time together is always something he likes to do. Playing video games together? sure! Going to hang out and get something to eat together? Awesome! Need help studying? He isn’t the smartest but you two sure try and figure it out.

You’re upset about something? Well he's gonna make you some hot coco, or tea or whatever. He got you. Gonna get a blanket if he can and y’all watching (disney movie) a movie.

Riddle

You will never forget to do anything on the bright side of things, but this comes at the price of him nagging you to do things all the time. He definitely does this because he wants what's best for you and wants to see you succeed, but due to his life experiences he doesn’t know how to convey that in a healthy manner.

If your tie isn’t tied properly he’ll definitely fuss over you and fix it for you, and maybe lightly scold you and remind you how important appearances are and how you should maintain them. If a hair is out of place he’ll tuck it behind your ear or he’d redo your hairstyle to fix it.

Now if you get into trouble and he’s the one to scold you and have to face the consequences of your actions the odds are that he’ll scold you but almost never collar you or completely lose his temper at you.

Now if you're ever upset he’ll have no idea how to help, he’s not good at handling his own emotions let alone anyone else’s. He’ll try his best, get you a cup of tea, maybe offer you a hug. But ugh that's it buddy.

Trey

In front of figures of authorities or adults y’all sweet little angels, y’all would never do anything wrong. But the second no one is looking, y’all being naughty. Opening Christmas presents and rewrapping them. Maybe stealing a lost 5 dollars to buy candy. Eating tarts when no one is looking. You name it.

Blaming the damages on the ‘pets’ aka Ace and deuce and riddle assuming Trey would never, EVER, lie to his face. What a shame smh.

Trey is someone that you go to for advice and someone who gives good advice, or at least he tries to. Often gives you a good perspective on matters that you probably wouldn’t have seen by yourself.

Though he’s busy he always makes sure to check in with you and make sure your doing well, and when you're struggling with school work he’ll tell you to take a break and have some tea before going back to the grind.

Cater

What can I say? You're just his little pogchamp, buddy. He thrives off of being the older sibling figure for once and he embraces it wholeheartedly.

A lot of hanging out and relaxing. He’ll paint your nails and gossip with you, and he even gives you lots of practical life advice while he’s at it.

A lot of self-care / me time I feel like is a shared time between the two of you. Like you do your skincare routines together. Help each other with your makeup or hair and make sure that you guys are feeling your best selves. A lot of this is done with you both singing along to your guy's favorite songs.

Definitely, the sibling figure you bring your crush to see if they pass the “test”. The sibling that interrogates them and makes sure that your crush should never ever hurt you. Not even a little bit.

~~~

this shouldn't have been so hard to write but it was. But all and all I think it turned out very well and I am up most delighted with it. special thanks to my friends that helped me out <3

Signed, Admin Tea.

[lilacsandwhiskey]

I’m currently obsessed with tiktok and tom holland so I’m obsessed with imagines about both. i think it would be cute if you do a tiktok trend with the boys but like the world doesn’t know about reader and Tom so people are shipping her with one of the guys? like from the tiktok? Tom maybe gets jealous or something ? idk i’m rambling haha

Thanks for the request anon :) I hope this was okay!

Heartbreak Anniversary

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: mentions of pandemic and COVID, cussing, maybe suggestive at points???, angst, jealous Tom, uhhh sucky writing and no proofreading so bare w ya girl n kinda longer than I anticipated but here we are :)

Notes: italics = flashback

If someone asked you how you managed to get a life as crazy as your’s, you’d simply reply “just meet Harrison and become best friends.” You almost couldn’t fathom what your life looked like right now - you sat in the kitchen with your two friends, Harry and Tuwaine, who had fallen into the pits of TikTok with you, while Harrison, Sam, and your beloved, Tom, sat in the living room, screeching at the television as they watched a game. All of this, while in the middle of a worldwide pandemic.

You didn’t officially live with the boys, but you might as well have. Your apartment was only minutes away, but with how communal your living situation was, Tom simply talked it over with his brothers and best friends, who didn’t even hesitate to scream yes when he asked if you could stay there. It was “safest,” he explained when he begged you to come stay for a while. So you did.

How did we get here? It all started with a little project, Harrison Osterfield, and him playing cupid.

——————————

“Clumsy, are we?” Harrison managed to balance you as you tripped over your own two feet, walking into the studio. “What makes you think that?” You huffed back, a small laugh escaping your lips. “Just get that vibe.” He replied, shrugging with a smile.

It didn’t take long for you and Harrison to practically become the best of friends. He soon was inviting you out to drinks with his friends, who immediately accepted you. Though you and Harrison’s friendship was strictly platonic, you found him itching to find out about your relationship status. “Should I even wonder, Harri?” “I mean, no. I’m just curious.” “I thought I told you before I’m not interested in a relationship right now.” You said, glaring at him with a smile. “I didn’t ask that, I was just curious. So anyway, are you coming to the pub tonight? I’m dying for you to meet my friend, Tom.” The excitement in his voice was too much to understand, but instead of questioning, you just replied with a yes.

There you were, walking through the doors of the pub at 8pm sharp. Your eyes finally spotted familiar faces who were calling out to you. You followed suit, inching your way to the booth at the back. “Y/N!” They called, urging into hugs. “Hi everyone!” You replied, taking a seat. Tuwaine was already scooting over your favorite drink towards you. “Told you we’d always take care of you! Anyway, we’re celebrating tonight. Tom’s back home!”

Your eyes landed on the curly-haired boy who had a gentle smile playing on his lips. “No need for anything big, I’m just glad to be surrounded by my favorite people.” Tom said. “Nice to meet you finally, Y/N. Glad to finally put a face to the name.” Tom held a hand out, gripping tight to yours as he shook it. Little did you know, Tom was well-aware of what your face looked like. He hadn’t been able to stop scrolling through your social media pages after Harrison had posted a picture of you, him, and Tuwaine on his story during a night out.

———————————

“So who’s this girl you’ve been posting?” Tom said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible during this conversation with his bestfriend. “Y/N, I thought I’d mentioned her to you.” Harrison said through the phone. “I don’t believe you have, are you like…” “No, no, dude, you know I’ve been talking to Grace.” “I know, but I was just worried my best friend had moved on without telling me!” “You know I would. No, she’s just a friend, we met during a project. Grace actually loves her, and so does everyone else - including your brothers. Have they not told you about her?”

Tom tried to think back to his conversations, only briefly hearing mentions of your names when he’d ask what they’d been doing. He couldn’t help but scroll through your pictures, soaking up every aspect of your life, well, only what you displayed. You had a dog, bingo. You seemed to be funny by the way you captioned your pictures, good. You seemed to have fun, love your family, and live a life that perfectly reflected how Harrison had described to him after he had came to the realization that Tom had already began crushing on you just by what he’d started telling him and the way you portrayed yourself.

Tom begged Harrison to be his wingman. Harrison practically scolded him the first few times. “I don’t want you to mess up this friendship.” “She’s not just a fling, Tom.” “Can’t you just be friends first?” Tom would settle for the last comment. “Fine, introduce us.”

————————————

Your conversations with Tom seemed so effortless that night. With too much alcohol in your system, you found yourself completely flustered by how pretty he was with his glazed eyes, rosy cheeks, and the constant giggles escaping his lips.

Though nothing ever happened that night, you found yourself spending more and more time with Tom in the coming weeks. Harrison didn’t mind as his relationship was truly flourishing with Grace. Weeks later, Tom had finally kissed you out of the blue and it changed everything. He was leaving for a few more weeks for filming, and instead of gaining the guts to make it official that night, he waited until he came back. It was the first thing he asked you when you reunited.

But, it wasn’t as simple as that. The logistics, the orchestrating, there was so much planning involved with what felt like should just be simple. Tom had fans, and sometimes they weren’t so nice. Tom wanted to protect you in every way possible. Though it was obvious you’d been hanging with the guys, since some of them had posted you, you had just figured that if you went out in public, you’d all go together and you couldn’t spend too much time just next to Tom. Posts were limited, it was all planned to a T. But you didn’t mind, because Tom made you happy and you knew it was for the best.

For a while, you did long distance. Your relationship had been based off of late night or early morning FaceTime calls, quick calls in between breaks, and short text messages throughout the day. It was hard but worth it. But this last time didn’t last near as long as others.

When word of COVID swept through the news, the world became frantic in all aspects. When everything began going into lockdown, Tom was sent straight back home from filming.

———————————

Laughter erupted between Harry, Tuwaine, and you. Tuwaine had showed you a both a video on TikTok he came across of a girl dancing in the midst of her friends to the song Heartbreak Anniversary. Though her coordination was obviously great, it was the reactions and how aggressive she was doing the dance that made it so funny.

As if on cue, Tom, Harrison, and Sam walked into the kitchen, Harrison mentioning that they couldn’t hear their program over their laughing. That’s when they found themselves gathered around the phone, joining in the laugher.

“I think we should recreate it. I think Y/N should learn the dance and be in the middle. It’ll be too good.” Harry said. “Me?” A nervous laugh escaping your lips. “For sure, we learn dances so fast, you’ll have it down in no time.” Harry was right - over the last few months, you’d formed certain hobbies with each of the boys. You had became just as close with them as Tom was, and one thing you and Harry found yourselves doing often was learning dances in the backyard, most likely disrupting the neighbors from your obnoxious cussing and laughter.

After protesting the dance, the guys had won and you were now practicing the dance. You felt so dumb, you couldn’t help but laugh. You didn’t allow the boys to see it so that when you videod, it would be their fresh reactions. And that’s what it was -

The boys circled around you, ready to endure the dancing. Right before, Tom had pulled you aside and reiterated not focusing that much time on him, though he wanted you to. You agreed, understanding the circumstances considering the world still was unaware of your relationship. To everyone else, you were just some friend that came to hang out every now and then.

So when the music started, you kept that little rule in the back of your mind. You tried to spend enough time with each, trying to make them laugh which definitely worked. You added your own flair to the dance, leaning back towards each of them, causing them to spit out laughter. You still found a moment with Tom, because it’d be too obvious that you were not trying to be obvious if you didn’t (haha).

Afterwards, the guys laughed over your shoulder as they watched their own reactions. “You killed that!” Sam exclaimed.

Hours later, you all sat in the living room, engrossed in your own thing - television, telephone, reading, someone was doing something. That’s when Tuwaine busted out laughing. “Shit, these comments are ruthless!” “Hmm?” You said, not even thinking to go check on the video you’d posted. When you opened up the app, Tom was looking over your shoulder to look for himself.

“Yeah, Harrison and Y/N are def fucking”

“Y/N and Haz 👀👀👀”

“Look at the way Haz looks at her 😍 obvi in love”

The comments continued. You cocked your head, watching back at the video. There was nothing much different between your interactions other than he was laughing the most - but that was just Haz. You shook your head, laughing as everyone but Tom joined it.

“Dang, Y/N, didn’t know we cared so much about each other!” Harrison said, giggling. “Right, just so in love!” You jokingly fell back into the couch, but soon noticed that Tom was barely participating in the jokes. Instead, he was leaning back, barely cracking a smile, even when you tugged his arm. You tried to shake off his reaction, not expecting him to actually be upset.

—————————

“I think I’m going to shower, wanna join?” You pulled out some sweatpants from the drawer that you’d claimed. “Why don’t you go ask Harrison?” You stopped dead in your tracks. “Excuse me?” Tom stayed silent. A nervous laugh escaped your lips, in hopes that his words were only joking but the straight face he was giving, along with no eye contact, made it clear that he was not joking.

“Are you being serious right now?” You asked quietly. You felt yourself beginning to get upset, considering you had never given him a reason to believe that for one, you’d ever cheat, and for two, that you and Harrison had ever had sex. He was well aware of the friendship that you had before Tom came along, and not only was it strictly platonic, but Grace had been in the picture the whole time.

Tom finallt replied with a shrug, which elicited rolling eyes from you. “You’re unbelievable.” You slammed the door to the bedroom, slamming the bathroom door across the hall. It may have been absurd, but in that moment you honestly were shocked. You and Tom had never really argued about something like this before - it just never showed itself as a problem. It wasn’t like you hadn’t been rumored dating each one of the boys before anyway, you didn’t know what was different.

Harrison had obviously heard the slamming of the doors, including the other boys who surrounded him. Sam pushed the television, looking around at the group, who was already exchanging looks. “Nose goes.” Tuwaine said, instantly pinning his finger to his nose, the rest of the boys following. Harrison was the last to reach his nose. “Aw, come on. You know this is probably about me.” Harrison whispered. “Guess you gotta find out.” Harry replied, shrugging.

Harrison slowly made his way to Tom’s room, slowly knocking before opening the door. Tom was laying on the bed on his phone, seeming that he was not phased by the events that seemed to have just occurred. “Tom?” “Hmm?” “What’s going on?” Harrison asked, inching closer to the bed.

Tom laid his phone on his chest with a smirk. “Why don’t you go find out?” “Seriously, Tom? Are we twelve right now?” Harrison huffed back, crossing his arms. When Tom didn’t reply, Harrison felt like tugging his hair out. It wasn’t very often that the two lads argued, but Harrison honestly couldn’t believe that THIS is what the argument was about this time.

Harrison made it clear time and time again before Tom and you had started dating that you two had been platonic from the beginning. Harrison loved you like a sister, but never anything more. Tom was well aware of that - so he didn’t understand why he was lashing out?

“Look, mate. I don’t know why you’re acting like this, but I can guarantee you, that if you keep on, Y/N isn’t going to like it. You have no right to take it out on her. You know she wouldn’t do that to you in a million years, hell, you know I’d never do that to you in a million years. If you want to be mad, be mad at me, though you have no true reason to be. Fans make assumptions all the time. You can’t possibly be upset when you’re the one who continues to vow her as a secret to the world. You orchestrate every plan with her to make sure that it looks like you’re not dating, so yeah, people might get skeptical. I’m sorry that you’re feeling insecure right now, but you have no right to accuse her of anything.” Harrison had no intentions of giving a speech, but he knew that it had to be said. Tom just looked at him, and for the first time, Harrison couldn’t get a read on him.

Harrison made his way out of the room, almost colliding with you as you came out of the bathroom. Harrison gave you a sympathetic smile before going back to the living room. Confused as to what had just happened in Tom’s room, you took a deep breath before opening the door. There was no doubt that you were still upset, but you also were bothered about the fact that this came so suddenly. Or had it? Had he been so skeptical before and you’d just never caught on? How could he not trust you?

As you walked in, Tom laid on his side away from you. You let out a small sigh, placing your dirty clothes in the hamper and walking over to the bed. “Tom?” No answer. “Can we talk?” Though you couldn’t see around him, Tom squeezed his eyes shut at those words. He finally turned over. “Hey.” You said. “Hey.”

You assumed an apology would come after that, but it never did. You tried to be reasonable. “I get it.” “Hm?” “I get it. I’m sorry that you’re feeling like this. I can’t say there haven’t been times I’ve gotten a little jealous or scared or insecure when you’re miles and miles away. But I’m right here. You have nothing to worry about.” “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have acted that way towards you.” “It’s okay, but you have to trust me. We’ve been together over a year now and this conversation has never came up. Why now?”

Tom took a minute to gather his words. He let out a slow shaky breath. “I don’t know how to put it into words. When I’m away, I long to be back home with you. It seems so simple to know that I get to home and you’re here for me. So, now that I’m home for longer than a week, I recognize that you have developed these amazing friendships with people who can be here for you more than me, and sometimes it just feels unreal that I have you - like I don’t deserve you. I just love you so much that the thought of you being with someone else ever hurts me, and I think that’s why the comments got to me so much this time. Y/N, I think I’m ready to tell the world. I’m tired of keeping you a secret. I want to show the world you’re mine, I want to be the one they make those comments about. Ridiculous, huh?” Tom let out a small chuckle and shook his head.

You grabbed his hands, shaking your head. “Babe, if it weren’t for Harrison, we wouldn’t be here. The relationships I’ve grown with everyone is over our shared love of you. We are so grateful that we can be altogether in each other’s presence and enjoy it because we all have a shared love. You’re so important to all of us, and that’s just how it works. I’m ready to tell the world if you are. I’d love nothing more than to finally call you mine publicly… and maybe go on a date outside of our backyard when this pandemic ends.” You say with a grin. He pulls you on top of him, laying a slow kiss on your lips. “You’re so important to me. Let’s show the world how much.”

[lakesbian]

fyi. you do not want to follow me yet if you care even a little about worm spoilers because i am just going around Posting Shit About The Whole Book 24/7. and i would actually recommend caring about worm spoilers because it's fun to be surprised by some of the shit that's gonna happen. but anyway

i will also thoroughly defend most of the happenstances of Boys Thinking That Talking About Their Feelings Is Girly Shit. taylor commentating "woah bitch is strong....not as strong as a man would be though" is authorial misogyny and all, but for the most part, worm is...really refreshingly good about gender. for all that worm is infuriatingly lesbophobic, i would kill for every book written by a dude to contain worm's level of important female characters written w/ interiority, nuance, and care. yeah, the narrator still can't shut the fuck up about the breast size of random women, but also the women in this book are some of the most viscerally human characters i have ever seen in anything ever. (and i'd ballpark that about 65% of taylor's bad opinions about gender are bad on purpose and intended to be read as a direct result of her trauma.) i presume you're talking about brian specifically here when you bring up unhealthy attitudes towards gender, though, because he's the poster child for that shit. to which i must inform you that this is actually an intentional and really well-written character detail, it's just that wildbow's dumb fucking ass just Didn't Include the singular piece of background information about brian which ties the characterization together in the story. he only revealed it via WoG:

brian lied about his trigger event. his ass was fucking lying. he was out there telling lies. not about beating up his abuser for aisha, but about being cold and emotionless during it. about not knowing who the man was.

this is what i call the Brian DLC Patch. i.e the bonus information that should've been in the story that's critical for understanding his character. i'm just gonna lazily copy-paste my previous explanation of it:

so yeah brian is misogynist and thinks feelings are for girls, but it's an intentionally-written maladaptive coping mechanism stemming from his desperate desire to remain strong enough to care for his loved ones despite how weak his trauma makes him feel using the only tools he has. brian laborn my boy :( i love him you should let him into your heart and home

wrt this from you in the other thread:

hmm, that’s fair. I’m crushingly aware of how unreliable Taylor is as a narrator, in terms of how she sees herself and how she understands other people. See: clockblocker being nice to her during the echidna fight and her immediately thinking “does he have an angle or is he fucked in the head” But I have been assuming that wildbow generally agrees with her attitude towards the world: mistrustful of authority, optimistic about people, generally opposed to murder as much as it can be avoided. Something to keep in mind going forward!

worm is excellent at understanding and depicting the ways in which taylor's trauma impacts her worldview! nothing about her philosophies is detached from the way she sees herself & understands other people. her mistrust of authority is deeply informed by the way systems of authority have failed her in the past--she can no longer trust anyone else to do good with the authority they have, and thus compulsively struggles to take control herself, because she's the only person she knows the full intent of. i don't want to say she's the only person she can trust to do the right thing, because i think she's very aware that she often Doesn't do the right thing, but the fact that she knows her own intents & consistently aspires to do what she thinks is the right thing means that she would always rather see herself in power than a random authority figure she's paranoid about. it's why she speedruns becoming the new leader of the undersiders & is so effective at building up her territory.

as for the optimism, she desperately wants to believe that people are capable of working together, and is ruthless in her fight for a future where that's possible, but is still deeply pessimistic about society's general ability to Do The Right Thing. it's a direct result of how society failed her when she was being bullied, and it's the exact reason why she buys into some of alexandria's rhetoric--of course she believes that people need to be forced or tricked into working together & treating each other fairly! society never helped her, and in her mind, it never would without being given a stick & carrot!

the closest she ever gets to being a wildbow mouthpiece is when she's expressing bigoted sentiment wildbow regards as a normal default anyone would believe, e.g her hatred of addicts. but she's a nuanced and genuinely incredibly written character outside of that--if you want to look for wildbow's general philosophies, what the traumatized unreliable narrator teenager believes isn't the part to be taking as his PoV.

as for the issue w/ rachel's gender writing, it just boils down to:

the garden-variety butchphobia of "butch" being used as an insult for her

the authorial uncreativity in her adhering to gender norms like wearing skirts despite their impracticality and her disregard for social constructs (which gender is, but wildbow doesn't realize that)

and alec's got a similar issue going on where it's made explicitly clear that other characters in-universe see him as pretty, effeminate, etc--he's literally homophobically mocked for it during a chapter you're not at yet--but wildbow can't conceptualize the impact that this should have on his relationship to gender. he's ostensibly a bisexual gender non-conforming boy, but still effectively written as a straight and gender-conforming boy, because wildbow can't grasp the way either of those details would actually impact his personal identity. it's only ever relevant when wildbow is calling his sexuality "hedonist" in a WoG or having someone make fun of him for looking like a princess, the rest of the time he just...forgets about it. sucks and tragic because i would love if that little guy was bi and gnc for real.

The way gender is performed in worm is soooo weird. Most of the time, wildbow is pretty good about having people act like people, but sometime people act like they’re in Sex and the City.

There’s this exchange in arc 4 or 5 ish, where Taylor is having lunch with the undersiders sans Rachel, and they get huge greasy burgers. Lisa says to Taylor “ugh I bet you never gain any weight!” “I have to work to put it on. If it makes you feel better, this will be terrible for my skin.” “It does make me feel better!” Teehee

Literally what ??? One of my friends said that she and her friends used to do the whole ��compliment/deny compliment & compliment you back” routine in middle school, so I guess real people do this sometimes. It feels straight out of a sitcom, though, and it’s such a weird tonal shift.

[maddiwrites]

Secret Lives

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader

Summary: You and JJ never got along so your friends trap the two of you on a boat in the middle of the marsh to work it out. Only it doesn’t go as planned.

Note: Hi guys! This is my first writing piece. I tried not to do a two parter for my first one but it ended up being so long. Sorry! I would love to hear your feedback so feel free to leave me a message! Part two will be posted soon. Also I have completed a rewrite of the show with a JJ x Routledge sister pairing so keep an eye out for that! Also wanna shout out @skiesofthesketchy​ @malfoyfarms​ @collecting-stories​ because they were some of the first masterlists I read and I loved them and it inspired me to write my own. So thank you!

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: Language, angst, very slight mentions of abuse

Part 2

Y/N Y/L/N. That’s you. Or as some like to call you, Hannah Montana. You live the best of both worlds, living it up on Figure Eight and wearing hundred dollar dresses to fancy dinners and parties, sneaking expensive mimosas to brunches with your friends, and getting biweekly mani pedi’s with your sister. Meanwhile, when you’re not rolling around in the luxuries of Kook Life, you’re rolling around in the dirt with your Pogue friends, baking in the sun on a dirty small boat while drinking the cheapest beer one of the boys’ could get their hands on. Most Kooks hated you even when they wanted to be you. And most Pogues didn’t trust you even as they tried getting in your pants.

One of them being JJ Maybank.

Kiara introduced you to her group of friends right after freshman year. The two of you were the black sheep of Kook Academy. Both your families have money, sure. But you weren’t jerks about it. You enjoy a little pampering here and there, but you’re not tone deaf and superficial like the rest of your peers. You were so grateful that your science teacher paired you two together for that year’s science fair. You instantly clicked with the curly brunette and spent most of the class talking about whatever came to mind instead of actually brainstorming project ideas. After working together for months on a science fair project with a shared passion of wanting to help save the environment, Kie finally introduced you to her best friends.

John B and Pope immediately made you feel like one of the group. Sure, they were curious about your life but you never felt like you were being interrogated with questions. They included you on inside jokes and even gave you the nickname ‘Sassy’ after proving to them that you can hold your own in a verbal fight.

Thanks to JJ.

From the start he claimed to never like you. He hated where you were from, who your parents were, and that you never had a job. He hated that you didn’t even have to try to get people to like you. In his eyes, everything was handed to you on silver platter. You had a picture perfect life and all you had to do was bat your eyelashes and show off your pearly white teeth. He couldn’t stand you.

Yet, he was dangerously attracted to you.

He loved the way your hair shined against the setting sun, he loved that you didn’t wear makeup every single day like every other Kook on the island, he loved how your white jean shorts perfectly shaped your curves, and he loved how your temper was as equally as short as his because it made you fighting with him that much hotter.

Last night was no different than every other night with you and your friends. It was quiet, spent around a bonfire in John B’s back yard. You sipped on cheap beer from the can while the smell of JJ’s marijuana smoke wafted through the air. Kie lightly strummed the strings of her ukulele while Pope and JJ bickered about the pros and cons of smoking weed.

This was your family. You had friends on the other side of the island too but you weren’t as close as you were with the Pogues. You would do anything for the people surrounding you. Even JJ. You tried to tell yourself you hated him just as much as he hated you, but you couldn’t help but feel like every other girl on this island, falling for his ocean blue eyes and golden locks. His wit and his charm. His loyalty and protectiveness of his friends. How he looked with his shirt off. How he would wink at you when he caught you staring. You wished you didn’t, but you loved him.

“Hellooo, Y/N?” John B waved his hand in front of your face. You hadn’t even realized you’d been staring.

“I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

John B smirked but didn’t say what he was thinking. He always thought you and JJ were acting dumb when it was clear as day that the two of you were attracted to each other. He always caught you two staring at one another when the other wasn’t looking. You two would always ask about the other person when they weren’t there even if it was just to throw a sharp jab behind their back.

“I asked you what you were up to this weekend.”

“Oh,” You shrugged. “Probably run some errands, babysit my neighbor’s kids...”

Just like Hannah Montana, you also lived a secret life. Your life wasn’t as perfect as everyone thought it was, but you’d never admit to it. Your mother would be crushed, your friends would find you stupid and pathetic, and you would hate yourself even more than you already did.

“Good. Sunday we’re going to check out the surfing competition on Seasill Beach. JJ’s trying to qualify for it next year.”

Your smile immediately dropped. “Sunday. Oh.”

“Already got a spa day planned, Princess?” JJ smirked from across the way.

“I, uh,” You tried your best to fake a grin. “I’m sorry. I can’t go. I already have plans.”

You held you breath as you waited for someone to respond. This was the third time this month you flaked on your friends without a good explanation. You never knew what to tell them, only that you had plans. You were afraid if you said anything else, they’d find out you were lying.

“Again?” Kie stopped playing her ukulele to look at you. “Seriously. Is there some secret boy we should know about or something?”

You scoffed. “No.”

You felt the most guilty lying to Kie. After all she was your best friend. The one you were supposed to be able to share everything with, even the stuff you couldn’t tell your parents.

“Kie’s right. You bailed on us last week last minute too,” Pope said.

You opened your mouth to say something, but your head wasn’t working fast enough to come up with a lie.

“We all knew this day would come.” JJ’s smirk was gone. He flicked the butt of his joint into the fire and claps off the ash from his hands. “Hannah Montana dips her toes into the wild life. She feels free and independent long enough to decide she’d rather go back to her cookie cutter life and live with all the privilege that daddy has to offer.”

The word ‘daddy’ physically made you flinch. Your eyes narrowed in a tight glare as you dug your fingernails into the palm of your hand, hating that this was the way JJ thought of you.

“J...” John B tried to warn him but JJ didn’t listen.

“No, seriously.” JJ stood up. “I bet the reason she’s not telling us what all her ‘plans’ are is because she knows you’ll all be disappointed. Me? Well, I couldn’t care less whether you hung out with us or not. In fact, I’ve been praying for it. So tell us, Y/N, what are you doing that you won’t tell us? If it’s not some dude, then maybe you decided you’d rather be a Kook. Are you going to fancy lunches and riding yachts across the ocean? Maybe you’re spitting in the faces of the people who work to make your life easier. Maybe -”

“JJ!” Kie yelled.

You stood up, your vision turning red and your skin going hot. Usually you could take JJ’s insults. You were use to JJ throwing your family’s money in your face, trying to make you feel bad for something you can’t control, but this was too much. Because now he was calling you out on your loyalty to your friends. And he was so far from the truth.

“You would like that, wouldn’t you?” You said. The other three stood up when you took a step in JJ’s direction. John B stood close to you. He didn’t know what you were going to do, but he’s never heard your voice so low and threatening in a long time. The other time was with a Kook who was giving JJ shit. Ironically. “For me to just leave.”

“I didn’t stutter, did I?”

“Well I hate to break it to you, but I’m not going anywhere. In fact, because I’m such a nice friends, I’m going to give you some free advice. First, the last thing you want to question me about is my loyalty to the people who’s lives I would put before my own. Second, I would suggest removing that stick up your ass because it seems like your way too uptight to handle it.”

JJ glared at you and didn’t move to respond. A part of you was surprised he didn’t have anything to come back with and the other part of you was relieved.

The thick tension between you and your friends was suffocating. Your night had been effectively ruined by a simple question. But the sad part is, you didn’t even know who to blame. JJ, or the other man causing most of your guilt and grief.

“Y/N/N...” Kie tried stopping you as you gathered your stuff to leave.

“I’m out of here.”

You stormed out of the backyard and into your car. There was only so much you could take until you broke. And you were not going to give JJ Maybank the satisfaction of seeing you break.

                                            ***********************

You couldn’t fall asleep last night. JJ’s words kept replaying in your head like a bad song stuck on replay. You wanted to hate him. You wanted to blame him for not trusting you. But instead, you hated yourself. Because you’re the reason he can’t trust you. Cause you have secrets you don’t want shared.

Your thumb hovered over his contact. Not JJ’s. The man who’s made your life a living hell for the last sixteen years. You wanted to scream and cry and slap him in his face. But instead, you stayed frozen in fear. Like the little pathetic girl he says you are. And you hated yourself more for proving him right.

Your attention was taken away when someone busted through your bedroom door out of breath. Kie immediately went to your drawers and pulled out the first bathing suit she could find and threw it at you.

“Kie -”

“We need to go,” She said. “Get dressed.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Pope and John B ran out of gas doing grocery runs for Heyward. We need to get them with the HMS Pogue.”

“Where’s JJ? Why can’t he help you?”

“He’s working,” Kie said quickly. “Come on.”

                                           ***********************

You and Kie found Heyward’s boat stranded in the middle of the marsh like Kie said it would be. John B and Pope were waiting for you on the back and thanking you both for coming to help. You hold the gas as they helped you onto the boat. They directed you to the tank while they helped Kie.

As soon as you made your way to the front of the boat, you heard the engine of the Pogue rev and take off. You dropped the gasoline gallon and sprinted to the back of the boat where they left you. John B and Pope waved back to you as Kie drove them back to the Chataeu.

“What the hell?” You yelled at them to come back.

“You and JJ need to work your shit out!” John B yelled back to you.

“What...” You mumbled to yourself before you heard the sound of heavy footsteps running towards you. You gasp in surprise when a sweaty JJ passed you to glare at the boat that’s getting smaller and smaller by the second.

“What the fuck?” He screamed.

“There’s food and blankets in the cabin!” Pope yelled back.

“We’ll come get you in the morning,” Kie said.

You clenched your teeth together with frustration. JJ looked just as pissed off and small part of you was disappointed with that. He turned around, cursing to himself and hitting random shit in his way.

This was going to be a long day.

                                           ***********************

After four hours, you and JJ still hadn’t spoken to each other. He took over the cabin while you laid out on the back of the boat. Your head was running with different thoughts. Should you try to make up with JJ? Should you just continue to ignore him? Should you tell him why you can’t go to the surfing competition tomorrow?

You didn’t know what to do but you knew you couldn’t sit here in silence anymore.

You reluctantly stood in front of him with crossed arms. He was smoking a blunt and looking out into the setting sun. If you were friends, you would take a picture of him right now. The pink sky painted his skin perfectly.

“What?” He said without looking at you.

“Seriously?” You raised one brow. “We’re asked to do one thing on this boat and that’s all you have to say?”

“I’m not sorry for what I said last night.”

“Neither am I.”

“Fine.”

You rolled your eyes. The problem with both of you was that you’re both stubborn. But if the problem with JJ couldn’t be fixed today, you didn’t know how much longer you would be able to put up with his rude remarks and assumptions about you.

“What the hell is your problem?” You said.

“My problem?”

“Yeah. Your problem. You’ve been treating me like shit ever since Kie introduced me to you. What could I have possibly done to make you hate me so goddamn much?”

JJ shook his head in annoyance. “I’m not doing this.”

He got up and walked to the back of the boat where you were sulking not even five minutes ago. You followed him like the stubborn person you were and you continued to grill him.

“I’ve tried so hard to be your friend. I’ve bought you drugs, I’ve even done yours and JB’s laundry. I put in a good word to the tourons who ask about you at boneyard parties. I laugh at your jokes, even when they’re about my friends. I try so hard to be on your good side and you still want nothing to do with me!”

“Because you’re a Kook!”

“So?”

“You have everything. Money, family, friends, a future. I don’t trust you because I don’t know what the hell you want with us. What do we possibly have that you can’t get on Figure Eight? Hm? Are you trying to prove a point to your mom that you don’t need her? You trying to prove to your dad that you’re a tough girl and don’t need his money or protection to keep you safe? Huh?”

“You know what your problem is? You don’t listen! I’ve told you time and time again that I don’t care about any of those things. I hang out with you guys because you are my friends. I have a good time when I’m with you. Why is that so hard for you to get?”

JJ scoffed. “Please. You don’t think I see you constantly checking your cell phone? Making sure no one can see who you’re texting? If we’re such good friends, why won’t you tell us what you’re doing tomorrow? You always have ‘other plans’ and then you never tell us what they are.”

“Because that’s none of your business!”

“If my friends are going to get hurt because of some lying bitch then it is my business!”

You were breathing so heavily, you were basically panting. Your blood felt like it was boiling under your skin and your head felt fuzzy with lack of thoughts. You didn’t know what to say, truly lost for words.

JJ took another step closer to you. You’re so close to him, you can feel his breath on your face and see every mark on his skin. You never knew he had a scar right above his brow or a freckle under his ear. He smelled like weed and sun sunscreen and his breath like mint. Had you not been fired up with rage, you would have thought he looked hot and maybe even made a move.

But now it was the last thing you wanted to do.

“I’m sick and tired of you spoiled brats getting everything you want. You’re nothing but a spoiled rich kid who doesn’t even know the kind of privilege she has if it hit her in the face. You can’t relate to anything we have to go through. You don’t have to get dirt underneath your fingernails to make a buck. You don’t have to wonder where your next meal is coming from. You wouldn’t last a week on the Cut because you’ve never known what it’s been like to live the life we do!”

“You don’t know anything about me!” You snapped. The heart in your chest felt like it was being shredded to pieces by a rapid wolf. You felt like you were being torn apart one by one with each insult he threw in your face. Little did he know, he was wrong.

“I know enough to never want to see you again. I will never accept you into our group of friends. Don’t you get that? So you can stop playing the nice girl act around me and go back to Sarah Cameron and the other Kooks that you still hang out with despite knowing everything they’ve done to us. To Kie!”

Bringing up the fight between Kie and Sarah was a low blow and JJ knew it. It was something you always struggled with because you continued to be friends with both of them separately. At first, they were both mad at you but then accepted your friendship when they came around to loving the idea that you would fight for both of them. You tried getting them to talk and make up, but both of them refused. Maybe you should just stick them on a boat in the middle of nowhere and force them to work it out.

Although, clearly your experience with it wasn’t going so well.

“That’s not fair.”

“Yeah, well life’s not fair sweet heart. But you wouldn’t know about that.”

You thought the fight last night was bad. But this one took the icing off the cake. You wished so desperately that Kie had just trapped you both in a locked room, so at least you had the chance to break out and run away from the darkness that was clouding around you.

You were most upset that this was how JJ thought of you. You didn’t know if you would have the same devastating reaction if someone else had said these things to you. You wanted so badly to be friends with the blonde Pogue. You saw the way he interacted with his friends and you wanted to be a part of that small circle so badly, you would almost do anything to be in it.

But you didn’t think you could last another second of being belittled and tormented with JJ’s outspoken feelings towards you. You wished there was a rewind button so you could go back to bed and hopefully never wake up and you’d lock your door so Kie couldn’t break in.

You swallowed back the tears that threatened to fall and admit your defeat. You wanted to find the nearest corner and crawl into it and escape the murderous glare of JJ Maybank. JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because in this moment, you still wanted him. And you were just realizing that you never will.

“You judge me by the surface. You’ve never once tried to get to know me. You don’t ask. You just assume that I’m like every other kid on Figure Eight. You don’t know where I’ve came from. What I’ve been through. What I live with. You don’t know my plans for the future or my hobbies or even my favorite color because you didn’t ask!” Adrenaline pushes through your veins like a wave of energy. You’ve never felt so powerful but so small in your life.

“All right. So tell me,” JJ said. “Tell me whatever story you can think of that will change my mind about you.”

You paused, standing there face to face with someone who will never accept you. You were suddenly overcome with so many emotions you didn’t know which one to choose from. Anger, sorrow, fear, confusion, shame.

You couldn’t believe you even thought about telling JJ your story. A story that you haven’t even told Kie. The story about how you were actually born and raised on the far end of the south side. How your dad use to abuse your mother right in front of you before she managed to escape when you were eight. For six months you lived in her car before she got a job as a housekeeper at a cheap motel used mostly for hookers and their cliental. Her employer let you live rent free if your mom accepted a cheaper pay check. During one of her shifts, your mother ran right into Andrew Y/L/N. No, he wasn’t one of the hooker’s clients. He was actually on the property looking to buy out the place. Even though he was a Kook, he looked through the housekeeper’s uniform into my mom’s heart and loved everything about her. He took her on a couple dates, then less than a year later, married her. You changed your last name to his because you didn’t want any relation to your father anymore. You thought the man was scum and deserved to rot in hell for everything he put your mom through. You hated him and even wished for him to die. Sometimes you even thought about doing it yourself. But then you saw him again. At a gas station in the middle of The Cut. You couldn’t believe he recognized you and you were even more shocked he had the audacity to talk to you. And you listened. He told you how sorry he was. How he never meant to hurt your mom. How he missed his baby girl and wanted to be in her life again. You fell for every word because a part of you you didn’t know existed missed having a biological dad.

That was your biggest mistake.

He didn’t change. He was still the same bastard he was eight years ago, using violence and threats with people much weaker than him to get what he wanted. He loved guilting you with your new luxuries. How you now had everything right under your fingertips after you left him to wither away with nothing. He said you owed him. Because you were his daughter and you were supposed to love him unconditionally. And you fell for it every time. He never hurt you like he hurt your mom. A few slaps here and there but nothing to leave a mark to get your mother questioning.

So now you were trapped - trapped in his world and in his life. Using your own money that you actually worked for, little did JJ know, to pay for his bills, his drugs, and sometimes, even his bail.

You didn’t tell anyone about this secret life because you didn’t want anyone to make you feel any more pathetic and weak than you already felt. And most importantly, you didn’t want to hurt your mother by telling her you’ve been supporting the one person she’s been trying to protect you from.

And you were about to risk that by telling someone who probably still wouldn’t care about you even after hearing what you had to say. You are who you are. If JJ didn’t like you now, he shouldn’t like you after telling him your story, anyway.

“No.” You shook your head.

“No?” JJ scoffed. “I’m finally asking you tell me something and you’re saying no?”

“Because you don’t care, JJ! Not really. You think knowing my sob story is going to get you to like me? I don’t need a pity friendship. I am who I am because of shit I’ve had to overcome. And this is me now. So if you don’t like it, then fine. We’ll do it your way and call it quits.” JJ didn’t say anything as you turned around to find somewhere to pass out in hopes of getting morning to come faster.

You found a blanket deep into the cabin and pulled it over your body, shielding yourself away from the world. You hoped the darkness would sweep through your head so you wouldn’t be plagued with torturous thoughts about your past or what’s going to happen to tomorrow. You cried - you cried because even after JJ ripped into your like a zoo animal, he still hated you.

JJ was wrong. You didn’t have everything. Because you didn’t have him.

                                           ***********************

Surprisingly, the sun rose sooner than you expected it to. Sleeping on the swaying boat wasn’t as awful as you thought it was going to be. In fact, it was kind of peaceful with the stars above you and the sound of moving water right under you.

The morning wasn’t so calming. You were slapped in the face with memories of the night before. Your stomach twisted at the thought of being face to face with JJ again. You knew what you had to do and thinking about it made you sick and depressed.

You pushed yourself up and checked the time on the radio. 8:03. Anxiety instantly flooded through you. You only had two hours to get home to be ready in time to run ‘errands’ with your dad.

You looked out to the back of the boat where JJ was looking into the horizon, probably waiting for your friends to come.

Fresh set of tears pricked your eyes at what’s to come. You loved your friends and you even loved JJ. But you couldn’t stay with the Pogues. You didn’t want to make JJ any more uncomfortable than he already was and you were afraid the constant fighting would push your friends further apart. You didn’t want to be the reason for that.

You pulled the blanket tighter around your shoulders and walked next to JJ. Without a word, you looked out in the same direction he was looking and admired the morning sun.

Surprisingly, JJ was the first one to speak. He looked at you and instantly felt guilty all over again. He tossed and turned all night contemplating on whether he should wake you up to apologize or just wait until morning. He knew he wasn’t being fair. You’ve done nothing but tried to earn his trust since day one. You accepted him for all his flaws and he couldn’t do the same for you. Yeah there was the phone thing and not telling the others what you’re up to, but it wasn’t like you were constantly in his business. If you see him with unexplained bruises, you don’t pester him about it. If he comes back to the Chateau in a pissy mood and blames it on a fight with his dad, you try to make him forget about it with a distraction instead of making him tell you what the fight was about. Why couldn’t he give you the same respect?

Truth was he wasn’t so much worried about his friends getting hurt as he was getting hurt. He liked you more than a friend should which would make your departure from your friends that much more heartbreaking for him. He never felt this way over a girl, let a lone a Kook and he tried so desperately to hate you. But it didn’t work. Instead, it made him feel like the biggest asshole in the world. He wanted to fix what he broke. He told himself he still had time left. His friends weren’t back yet to get him.

“Listen, Y/N -”

“It’s fine, J,” You sniffled. This time you couldn’t stop the tears from running down your cheeks. You tried blinking them away which only made them fall faster. You hated crying in front of people. Your dad always said it was a sign of weakness and you believed him. You wouldn’t be surprised if JJ laughed in your face right now and called you a loser. “It’s done.”

“What are you talking about?”

JJ’s heart physically broke when he saw your tears. He had never seen you cry. Not even out of joy. He couldn’t believe he was the cause of this. That he had made someone as beautiful and as kind as you actually feel bad about herself. He wished he could take back time and start over. He wished he gave her a chance from the beginning. He wished it wasn’t too late.

You both looked up when you heard the engine of the HMS Pogue. In the distance, you could hear your friends laughing and calling out to you, not yet realizing their plan went to shit. You had to make this quick.

“The last thing I want is to get between you and your friends. You don’t have to worry about me hurting anyone, especially Kie. I’ll back off.” You said, making JJ’s brows furrowed in confusion and his heart raced with worry. “I’m giving you what you want. I’ll stay out of your life.”

JJ couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe he drove you to do the one thing he actually never wanted you to do. “Wait. You’re leaving?”

You looked JJ in the eyes and he wished you didn’t. Because for the first time, he didn’t see the light behind your eyes or the little crinkle in the corner when you smiled. They were dull and lifeless, making him sick to his stomach.

“I didn’t stutter. Did I?” You used his words from the other night and it felt like a stab in the heart to JJ.

JJ was left speechless which almost never happens. He wished he could say something, anything, to make you feel differently, to tell you he was wrong and sorry. But nothing came out. He could barely breathe.

“Hey you crazy kids,” Kie’s voice pierces the air, jokingly and airy. If only she knew that wasn’t how you were feeling.

“Missing a key or something?” John B joked alongside her.

“You should have called us sooner!” Pope added.

When the boat came closer to yours, they finally got a look at the two of you. They were shocked to see you silently crying and looking like all the life had been sucked out of you. JJ looked mad but they couldn’t tell whether he was mad at you or them or himself.

The three of them went sick with anxiety, suddenly wondering if this was a bad idea. Kie tried to get you make eye contact, but you wouldn’t look at her. You couldn’t look at any of them - afraid you might actually break completely if you did.

“Y/N/N...” Kie said softly.

“You guys okay?” John B asked wearily.

JJ helped Pope tie The Pogue to Heyward’s boat and hopped on right after. Pope traded spots with JJ and came up beside you and stood there awkwardly. He didn’t know what to do either.

You looked up at him before he could come up something probably stupid to ask. “Can you drop me off please?”

Pope glanced back at his friends and nodded. “Uh, sure. John B will probably get you there faster though if you -”

“No, it’s okay,” You said. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle being in an enclosed space with JJ for another minute. You just wanted to go home and forget the past two years ever happened. “I’ll stay here.”

Pope shrugged at his friends when you trudged back into the cabin and curled yourself into the corner. You didn’t know what the next few weeks would be like, but you hoped they go better than the last twenty four hours did.

[cotccotc]

SKZ REACT to...

 ⿻ you coming out !!

genre/s: ot8 reaction headcanon, gn reader, platonic, fluff with some humor

wc: ~1k

warning/s: (obviously) descriptions of coming out to someone (in terms of sexual orientation, not gender), my dumb commentary lol, these are just my ideas! obviously i have no idea how they’d actually react, but i just feel like these scenarios are pretty likely.

a/n: this is pretty casual and silly tbh haha. it’s been sitting in my google drive for a while so i thought i’d finally post it :) i tried to make this as non-descriptive as possible while also getting the point across !! hope it makes u smile hehe <3

“there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you. i’ve kept it a secret for a while now, but i think it’s time you should know. [insert a statement about your orientation here].”

⿻  CHAN

he’d try to be really responsible about responding to this.

he’s the type of person who would thank you for telling him. he’d just be so happy you feel comfortable enough to confide in him.

i could definitely see him asking you questions about it right away, wanting to have an adult discussion about it.

as long as you’re comfortable with it though !! he doesn’t want to push.

you’d be able to tell how professional he’s trying to act, which is comforting but also a little funny.

once you point it out, he’d finally relax a bit and chuckle, his ears turning slightly red from embarrassment.

still, through talking about your sexuality and answering his questions, both of you would really benefit from the conversation and feel closer afterward.

for some reason this one made me really emotional oof NOW ON TO THE FUNNY ONES :DDD KFDJS

⿻  MINHO

in all honestly, you’d be kind of scared to tell minho.

you don’t really talk about these things often, so you might be nervous to see how he responds. but when you do tell him…

“oh so you’re an icon? ok cool”

HE’D HYPE YOU UP SO HARD OMG

LINO BEST WINGMAN <333

if you’re ever out and he sees someone you might be attracted to looking your way, he’ll be sure to point them out and encourage you to talk to them.

“come on! you’re a badass, remember? you can do it!”

which… normally that isn’t too big of a deal, but as he encourages you to talk to someone who he previously wouldn’t have known you’d be interested in, it warms your heart.

and, if you hit it off with that person, he’d hold it over you for the rest of your life...

which is typical !! so, nothing’s changed !!!

⿻  CHANGBIN

i’m not saying he’d cry… but i’m not saying he wouldn’t SKJDD

ok LISTEN

he’d first ask if you want to talk about it a bit more (your story, how you figured things out, the feelings that accompanied it, etc.)

when you agree, he’d listen carefully and consider what you might have had to go through during the process of realizing this is who you are.

this man would get EMO

might write a song about it later tbh

his respect for you would go through the roof omg

after you finish explaining, i think he’d be a little choked up !!! he’d tell you how proud he is of you and how strong you are for being your true self.

ok now I’M gonna cry oh nO-

⿻  HYUNJIN

you and hyunjin are very open about your emotions and confide in each other often.

i’m going to tell you exactly what he’d say, and i want you to imagine it with me, okay?

you’re going to be able to *hear it*, i promise.

ready?

“yay~”

(imagine his soft voice and lil hands clapping oh my goodness oh my goODNESS-)

can you see it? do you hear it? thought so.

he’d act similarly to chan, but with a bit more enthusiasm.

you’d probably end up having a deep conversation regarding sexuality and gender afterward, and it would be really therapeutic for the both of you.

you both trust each other a lot and are respectful of each other’s feelings, so acceptance would be a no brainer for hyunjin (uwu).

⿻  JISUNG

he’d get a little nervous, honestly.

for good reason! he’d be scared of saying or doing the wrong thing. and he can tell this is super important to you/making you feel just as nervous.

his first instinct would be to give you a big hug. no matter what, it’s his go-to reaction to big announcements, good or bad. and this is a good one !!

once you break away, he’d be a bit quiet, allowing you to explain yourself. he’d hold onto your hands though, especially once he sees them shaking a little.

he’d straight up ask: “so who else knows?”

why? so he doesn’t accidentally out you to the other guys.

or literally anyone else he sees DFKJ

overall, things would be a bit awkward at the very beginning because he wouldn’t know exactly to handle the situation, but he’ll just be really considerate of your feelings in order to move forward.

also it would end in a high five but that’s obvious

⿻  FELIX

i feel like felix would be the most casual about it, in the best way possible.

he’d make it seem like you coming out was just a subtopic in the conversation and talk calmly without sounding startled by the information at all.

but on the inside, he’d be SO EXCITED OMG

rainbow cupcakes

he’d force his way onto the gay side of tik tok just so he can send u videos he thinks you might relate to or laugh at

the JOKES

(with prior consent, of course)

“i see your jeans are cuffed today…” cue stupid lil smirk

plays “sweater weather” by the neighbourhood every chance he gets

let’s say you’re up late together:

y/n: “dude i need to go to sleep. i can’t see straight.”

lix: “i wonder why” *cackles*

⿻  SEUNGMIN

“lol duh”

when you come out to him, he’s just like..

ok cool, i know that, what’s next?

obviously, he wouldn’t be rude. however, he’d definitely try not to make a big deal out of it since he genuinely doesn’t think it’s that big of a game changer.

he knows it’s important, of course, but he’d prefer to normalize it right away than make it into a big thing.

“so… do you have any celebrity crushes i don’t know about?”

you’d spend the rest of the day/night talking about your sexuality in the most nonchalant way. you’d recount stories of realization from your past, and seungmin would listen and react just like he would any other time.

*gasp* “really?”

“i know i don’t know this person, but you’re way too good for them.”

regardless, seungmin is able to make you feel comfortable right away. he just has that effect :’)

⿻  JEONGIN

baby bread = confused but accepting

didn’t see it coming at all

for starters, it’s not that he wouldn’t know what it all means, but he’d definitely ask for a bit of clarification just to make sure he knows exactly how you identify, especially if it’s somewhere in the bi/pansexual realm.

once you explain it to him,

q u e s t i o n s

when’d you figure it out? how? with who? was it a cartoon character? he heard about that once...

nevertheless, he wouldn’t make a big deal about it, similarly to seungmin with a dash of hyunjin’s soft excitement.

“our y/n’s just so full of love for everybody, huh? so thoughtful of them.”

“make sure to save some of that love for me, please?”

sure, innie. sure.

also this may or may not be foreshadowing something that’ll be announced on the 25th at 12 am kst :D uwu

tags: @stayndays​, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino​, @freckledberries​, @kisskissbanggang​, @mr-jisung-main​, @childofthecosmos​, @kpopscape​, @skzwriternet​, @hyunsins​, @sleepylixie​, @sunshine-skz​, @vera-liscious​, @moonlit-lixie​, @thatrandomoneinthecorner​, @sunshine-skz​ ( join my tag list !! )

©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[fruityutas]

requested ~ no

not proofread

wc: 2.3k

genre ~ fluff, highschool au

synopsis ~ badboy!jisung is smitten with you after catching a glance of you on the first day of school, so the dreamies help him to make you his by the end of the year

warnings ~ fighting, cursing, underage smoking (don’t smoke children!! Or adults just don’t smoke in general)

note ~ this is a continuation of something another blog wrote! i got full clearance from them to write this and i’m finally getting around to it! @itsarealshitshow thank u again for letting me do this!! here’s the original post :)

“so what’s the plan for today, sung?” haechan says a little too loud for jisung’s comfort. the younger looks about, bug-eyed, for people who could have heard. “dude, that sounded like we plan on killing someone.” haechan just shrugs and pops the gum in his mouth. jisung shoves the boy lightly, causing him to choke. sniggers erupt from the group of boys that sit in the farthest corner of the lunchroom. the dreamies are what they call themselves, though everyone finds it a bit funny. “what was that for, you brat?!” haechan’s friends erupt in laughter, causing the nearby table to look over. the table that just so happened to be where your friend group sat. jisung makes eye contact with you and smiles. you send a timid one back before your friends roll their eye at the group’s antics and begin to leave. yeri takes your arm and pulls you away from the table before you can say anything about it.

science drags on so you ask to use the restroom to see if you can find jisung in the halls. not the most educated choice but you have to at least speak to the boy. the hall pass in your hand is your ticket to getting out of trouble with any teacher, and the excuse of you being new. passing the rows of lockers proves no sight of the boy you seek until you get to the last ones near the back entrance of the school. There was jisung and his friends at the end, talking about some game while huddled around what you presumed to be a switch. you stop abruptly, which causes your sneakers to squeak. all six of the boys look up at you with eagle eyes. you’re a deer caught in headlights and not a word is uttered for a good minute. “you better not rat us out, goody two shoes.” haechans’ the first to speak. you shake your head and walk up to them. “i’m skipping class too so it really wouldn’t bring me any luck to do that.” they all look at you confused. “yeah yeah why would i skip class i get it. i’m looking for jisung, actually.” the boy in question turns red as a tomato and starts to stutter. the others snicker at his flustered state. you turn to jisung and smile sweetly. “i know my friends are always rude to you guys but i wanna get to know you. sorry for their behavior, also. they don’t know when to keep to themselves.” your face is now red as well, mostly because up close, jisung is absolutely breathtaking. “that’s for sure.” haechan’s mumble makes its way to your ears but is quickly muffled by jaemin smacking his arm.

in the next few weeks, you got a lot closer to jisung and his friends much to your friends’ dismay. “they’re all trouble, y/n. why do you hang around them?” you roll your eyes at her. “they’re just high school boys, they literally laughed at a fart noise the other day. they aren’t any harm to anyone.” she scoffs at you. “i thought you’d be at least a little smarter than this, but apparently not. i can’t be friends with someone who hangs out with unscholarly people.” you’re taken aback at her statement. “whatever yeri, if you don’t wanna be friends anymore then i don’t care, have fun being a bore.” you hurried away before she could say anything back to you. you were glad she didn’t want to speak with you anymore, all she ever talked about was school. you needed to find jisung.

in the next few weeks, you got a lot closer to jisung and his friends much to your friends’ dismay. “they’re all trouble, y/n. why do you hang around them?” you roll your eyes at her. “they’re just high school boys, they literally laughed at a fart noise the other day. they aren’t any harm to anyone.” she scoffs at you. “i thought you’d be at least a little smarter than this, but apparently not. i can’t be friends with someone who hangs out with unscholarly people.” you’re taken aback at her statement. “whatever yeri, if you don’t wanna be friends anymore then i don’t care, have fun being a bore.” you hurried away before she could say anything back to you. you were glad she didn’t want to speak with you anymore, all she ever talked about was school. you needed to find jisung.

you knew to find him in the back of the gym around this time of day. it was oddly quiet in there today, probably due to them not wanting to get caught for the third time this week. “jisung.” a small reply was heard along with the laughter of his friends. you walk over to where they were sitting and sit next to jisung. you lean against his shoulder and he reads you instantly. “what’s wrong?” you sigh and shuffle to get more comfortable. “yeri and i are no longer friends. all she does is be rude about the fact that i’m hanging out with you guys and i got tired of it. so she said she didn’t want to be friends with me and then she called me dumb! the audacity of her.” all six boys bust into giggles. the look on your face is unamused, and the boys only laugh more at it. “listen, y/n, she was probably right about us. we are trouble. i bet you didn’t know jisung beat up some kid yesterday because he was talking about you.” you snap your head to jisung, who is sheepishly looking down. “he was saying gross things! i can’t let someone speak of you like that, y/n.” you sigh and force him to look up at you. “jisung, you don’t have to protect me.” he pouts cutely, “but i do! i have to.” you blush at the thought of him protecting you. “but why?” now it’s jisung’s turn to blush. “i like you…” it comes out as a mumble and you almost don’t catch it. the boys whoop and holler while the two of you sit in each other’s flustered presence. you scoot closer to jisung and whisper in his ear, “i like you too, you know.”

the next days are filled with teasing from the group and sweet gestures from jisung. holding hands in the hallway, kissing at your locker (which more often than not turns into making out in the janitor’s closet), and him buying your lunch.

“y/n!” an unfamiliar voice rings in the hall and all of you turn to see a guy running up to you. you recognize him from your science class, but you’ve never really spoken with him, so you’re just as confused as they are. “this is for you.” he turns to look at the rest of the group with a look of disapproval before turning back to you. “uh, thanks i guess. what’s your name again?” his face flashes disappointment before returning to a happy one. “ilhoon, from science class?” you nod in agreement before he winks at you and walks down the hall. “what the fuck was that?” jisung’s deep voice grumbles in his chest, the vibrations reaching you due to his figure hugging yours. “i honestly don’t know, sungie. lemme read this note.” you open up the letter and begin to read out loud. “this is for your eyes only, cutie. i know we haven’t spoken much, but i want to get to know you so how about we go on a date?” jisung scoffs at that. “the way this kid thinks he’s getting a date with you. i’ll take care of it baby.” you point him a look. “park jisung, i can handle my own thank you. i’ll just tell him that i’m dating you and he’ll back off.” jisung stays silent but rolls his eyes in response.

jisung keeps seeing that kid in the hallway, and everytime they make eye contact, he receives a scowl from him. the gall this kid has, to think that you’d go on a date with him. finally managing to corner him, jisung asks what he thinks he’s doing. “i’m trying to ask y/n out, park. now get out of my way.” scoffing, jisung yanks the boy’s arm. “now listen here, she’s taken. by me. so don’t even think about it ilhoon.” “i’m not scared of you, ya’know! you think you’re tough but you’re not.”

“i think you should shut up if you know what’s good for you.” haechan’s quick response makes his presence known, along with the rest of the dreamies. ilhoon rolls his eyes. “this is between me and jisung, brat.” haechan tsks at the boy, “well, you asked for it kid.” ilhoon looks confused before a harsh punch is delivered to his cheek. his head whips around from the force and he doesn’t have time to recover before jisung is swinging his other arm at him. a sickening ‘crack!’ is heard by the group as the boy wails in pain. “definitely a broken nose. good job sung.” jaemin pats him on the back as they walk away. jisung looks over his shoulder and yells out, “don’t talk to y/n again, got it?” he doesn’t bother to acknowledge a response from ilhoon.

lunch is busy as always, though the table that your little group sits at is in the back corner of the lunchroom. it provides a nice space away from everyone else where you can all enjoy each other’s presence. “jisung why the fuck did you break this kid’s nose?” your harsh voice cuts the air as soon as you are close to the table. his face goes pale while the rest of the boys burst into laughter. “i, he was trying to get with you! i’m your boyfriend and he was talking shit about you being with me!” you sigh in guilt and scoot yourself close to him. “sungie, you’re my boyfriend ok? i don’t want to date anyone else. i just don’t want you getting in trouble.” he blushes at your words of affirmation and nuzzles his head into your neck. the rest of lunch goes by smoothly, and before you leave the boys go out to smoke (even though you always nag at them to stop). “how many times have i asked you guys to stop killing your lungs?” laughs all come from their mouths as they walk past you. jisung gives you a slightly guilty look before joining his friends in their endeavors. you sigh and stand with them until they finish, which doesn’t take longer than 10 minutes. jisung walks you to your class before heading to his, a sweet gesture he always did.

word got around that he broke a kid’s nose, and he does get into trouble for it. three days suspension and four days of detention after that. you know he will be skipping detention just as much as the principal so you fail to understand why he was even given detention.

the first day he’s out was boring to you, but you went to his house right after school with the other boys and got to hang out. the second and third days were boring as hell, but the day jisung returned was very… interesting. Jisung hadn’t entered the classroom yet this morning, so you sat alone next to his desk in the back. ilhoon enters the classroom and searched for someone, and when they aren’t there he heads straight for you. “hey y/n.” you give him a blank-faced look. “uh yeah?” he smirks a little, though it’s hard for him presumably because of the broken nose. “now that park is ya’know, facing the consequences for being an asshole, do you wanna go on a date?” you almost cackle in his face, but you keep it to yourself. what in the world is he thinking? “listen ilhoon, since apparently, you didn’t get the memo that jisung punched onto your face, i’m gonna have to spell it out for you. i do not want to go on a date with you, and i never will. you really could’ve avoided getting your nose fucked up if you had just realized that not every girl in this school wants to fuck you.” he scoffs at you and grabs your arm, squeezing rather hard. “listen here, brat. you’re not so bad as you think you are just because you’re dating jisung. so i’m gonna ask you again. are you gonna cooperate with me or do i have to train you to be a good girl?” he’s suddenly jerked back, and hard. the collar of his shirt chokes him and jisung slams him to the ground. while he’s gasping for air, jisung leans down close enough to breathe on his face. “listen here, brat. my girlfriend is not a dog to train, and more importantly, she isn’t yours and won’t be. ever. so stop trying, and if you ever so much as breath in her direction wrong i will do so much more than break your stupid fucking nose, got it?” ilhoon nods so fast you think his brain is knocking around in his head before he gets up and sits in his seat. jisung scoffs at the action and sits down, taking your arm in his hold gently, checking for injury. “are you ok baby? he didn’t hurt you did he?” you shake your head before kissing his nose for reassurance. “no, i’m fine, thank you.” he pecks your lips before turning to face the board, just in time for the teacher to walk in.

maybe jisung was a bad influence, but that didn’t stop you from loving him. and in the end, jisung did get you to be his way before the end of the year.

[loveyhoneydovey]

Dating Sam and Joaquín headcanons

Note: I was trying to write headcanons and I couldn't pick which one of them I wanted to write about, so I was like "why not both?" So here's the result, it's a mess and I wrote this at 3AM, I'm so sorry 💀

All my stories are written with a bisexual reader of colour in mind, but anyone else is more than welcome to read them

Sam Wilson x Joaquín Torres x fem!Reader

Warnings: slight mention of injuries, SMUT (lots of filth i'm sorry)

· listen omg, constant entertainment from all three of you, like one of you is always up to something

· ok so i think it started out with only sam and torres

· they had been dating for a while before they first met you, their new neighbour

· you know how torres was fanboying over sam?? yeah, that was nothing compared to how you felt when you first met them

· like maybe you were struggling with the boxes you were carrying during your move because they were so full

· sam and joaquín were on their way home from their morning jog when they saw you, and what kind of people would they be if they didn’t help their cute new neighbour

· when they first introduce themselves, you’re just grateful to see the people in your new building are nice. You also felt like they looked super familiar

· they could see the gears turning in your head when they’d first introduced themselves. Both theorizing about how long it would take you to realize

· and then after like 2 minutes, it hits you, and you feel so dumb

· you try to remain calm and collected since you didn’t want them to think you were crazy or feel like they couldn’t be comfortable in their own home

· they were super chill too, you noticed joaquín was the more talkative one, while sam was content with letting his boyfriend take charge of the convo

· by the end of it you ended up agreeing to hang out together, you promised them baked goods as a thank you for their help

· you’d totally stuttered a few times, and half the time you were staring at them with heart eyes (which joaquín was not used to but sam was jngercewdc have y’all not seen the way torres looks at him whenever they interact?)

· you end up forming a relationship with them, which eventually morphs into something more

· none of you had ever had more than a partner before, so you were all figuring it out together

· torres would be so chaotic. So organized on the field, yet so clumsy at home

· sam is the one that has his shit together (not always but definitely most of the time)

· and when you start dating them, they quickly realize you’re even clumsier than joaquín, and sam’s like “oh no, there’s two of them now”

· ok let’s talk about the good stuff now

· so many freaking cuddles

· post-mission cuddles are a thing in this relationship

· just the three of you laying in bed, holding each other, tracing patterns on each other’s skin, enjoying each other’s presence

· both of them LOVE having their hair played with. only difference is sam has a bit of difficulty asking for it while joaquín will put his head on your lap and put your hand on his hair

· if they come home with minor injuries, you help them clean treat their wounds. The first time this happened, you only had avengers themed band aids (which torres LOVES), so from that point on you only buy those

· on lazy days, after some lazy morning sex, all three of you like to spend the day baking new recipes and eating them in bed

· joaquín getting whip cream on the corner of his lips and on his cheek

· sam making fun of him before you tell him he also has some on his nose

· sam putting whip cream on your face when you least expect it to get revenge

· tickle fights, they used to team up against you until an elbow was once accidentally thrown and someone got a black eye

· you and joaquín love taking cute pics of sam when he’s not looking. He noticed it eventually but never said anything because he thought it was adorable

· both you and joaquín coming home with stray animals and trying to convince sam to let you keep them

· and of course he’s gonna say yes, you two had perfected your puppy eye technique

· he’s that kind of person who says no to getting a pet, then ends up spoiling it more than you and joaquín combined

· you never need a blanket when you’re around them, especially around sam because they’re always so warm

· movie night dates always ended in the three of you doing anything but watching the movie

· both of them flying you with their wings at least once

· you calling them captain and lieutenant in public to tease them

· messing with them by acting like a fan who’s never met them

· like at one point you buy a poster of each one of them and go up to them and you’re like “i’m a big fan, may I get an autograph”, which makes them roll their eyes

· dude they’re also both so playful. Always cracking jokes and even competing to see who’ll come up with the best joke

· the three of you always know you have a home with the two others, and that you can always openly talk about your problems and insecurities without fearing each other’s reactions

· I think sam is the one that has a harder time asking for help. so you and joaquín are more attentive to his body language and any other signs that might reveal that he’s feeling down

· it breaks your heart because he was always taking care of you, joaquín and everyone else, and you needed him to know he was important too

· you decide one day that the three of you should go on vacation every once in a while, because you’d all been working so hard and deserved a little peace

· (also bc shitless sam and shirtless torres)

· imagine eventually they’d give you their dog tags as a way of proposing 🥺 i’m melting

· you had a little ceremony while on a tropical vacation with your closest friends and your pets and had the time of your lives

· you knew you technically couldn’t legally get married, but that didn’t matter. You wouldn’t have it any other way

NSFW headcanons

· now let’s get into the filthy stuff

· whenever you act up, you usually do it around joaquín, because you knew he’d have a harder time saying no or disciplining you

· and he knew you were using that to your advantage, he saw right through it

· yet most of the time it worked

· sam was more of a no nonsense type of person, so if you wanted to break the rules and act like a big girl, he was going to treat you like one

· sam is the ultimate brat tamer and you can’t convince me otherwise

· as a punishment, he loved making you ride his thigh (have y’all seen this man’s thighs? three course meal), but not letting you cum

· whenever you’d whine or pout, he’d remind you that you brought this on yourself

· while joaquín would try to get him to go easy on you, because he took pity on you and kinda has a soft spot for you

· until one day you made the mistake of pushing him too far

· maybe you’d felt like they weren’t giving enough attention, so you threatened to go get it somewhere else. Maybe you even brought up how you could go to that one friend who had a crush on you (you definitely weren’t going to, but you knew how to push their buttons)

· whether you were planning on following through with that threat of not didn’t matter

· you got the punishment of your life on that day

· he’d edged you for hours, to the point where you were crying and trembling and begging him to cum

· so he made you cum, non-stop

· “you wanted me to let you cum, didn’t you? Now take it like a good girl”

· even sam is SHOOK, now he almost took pity on you

· by the time they’re done with you you can barely remember your own name

· they took you to pound town 😌

· ALSO, you’re all switches, and sometimes you enjoy cuffing one of them or being the one giving out the orders

· I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, torres has a praise kink and LOVES being called a good boy

· Sam has one as well, but it’s more discreet

· likes being told how good he’s making the two of you feel, how no one else can do it like him

· ok but aftercare with them would be so soft

· you’re all super attentive to each other’s needs and usually know if it’s time for a bubble bath and cuddles or if you want to be held and drift to sleep

· lazy morning sex!!! just the three of you taking your time, exploring each other without a rush and not worrying about the outside world

· if they’re on a mission together and have a bit of free time, expect lots of nudes and teasing

· or sometimes even videos, which you find not fair because they have each other and you’re all alone

· NFJDNVEF imagine you buy them one of those clone a willy kits as a joke 💀💀💀 but you end up actually using them

· you know how they gave you their dog tags? yeah it drives them crazy whenever they’re fucking you or you’re riding them and they see the tags bounce

· especially those times where you’d wake them up in the middle of the night because you had a wet dream and couldn’t wait till the next morning. Where the only light entering your room would be provided by the moon, sometimes shining on the tags they gave you

· … imagine sometimes two of you decide to team up against the third and compete to see who’ll give them more orgasms 👀the loser has to do whatever the winner wants

· Jdfvfds lord this is such a long mess i’m so sorry

· in conclusion, there would never be a dull moment with those two and they’d be the sweetest, gentlest partners

Tags: @bury-my-love-inthe-moondust

[penaltbox]

study buddies - owen lindmark

here is a (seemingly) much anticipated re-post of an old fic that i still love so much. feedback is very appreciated; tell me your favorite line or part! i hope you guys like it the second time around, or if you’re new, the first!

__

“he just needs a little help staying caught up with things. the season keeps him busy so we like to ask students to help each other out,” your professor asked, smiling a little. 

this is what you got for doing so well on the first test. you were stuck helping some hockey player study and take notes because he couldn’t be at class often enough. 

just as you’re about to argue a boy comes busting through the classroom door, half out of breath. you see the red wisconsin backpack with a number 18 stitched into it. 

“and here he is. this is owen lindmark, you’ll be working with him,” your professor explains. 

owen smiles and it takes you back for a second. you weren’t prepared for a cute boy to need help and this one actually seemed nice. 

“i’m so sorry i’m late. i promise i’m usually not like this,” he apologizes, sticking his hand out for you to shake. 

you do so, immediately noticing how big his hand is. you swallow hard and pull your hand back, not needing to even think that way. he needed help with class and that was it. the professor lets you both off to do your own thing and owen hands you a schedule. 

“i just figured it might help you to have the hockey schedule. i wrote on there as much info as i had about times i’d be busy so we can work a study schedule out. i’m okay with once a week unless you think we need more?” he says, looking nervous as he scratches the back of his neck. 

you weren’t sure how such a large boy could look so shy, but you decided then that maybe this whole tutoring thing wouldn’t be so bad after all. 

“well, just from looking at this i’m thinking tuesday nights might be our best chance? this is a monday/wednesday/friday class so we’d be studying between those days and then if you have a road trip we’re not missing any study time,” you explain, thinking out loud more than anything. 

he smiles and pulls his phone out, handing it to you, “okay, tuesday’s it is. go ahead and put your number in just so we have them if something happens.”

you take his phone and plug your number in, trying to play it cool. he immediately texts your phone, but you don’t check it. 

“okay, well i have to run to practice, but i’ll see you on tuesday?” he asks, another one of those bright smiles just about making your knees weak. 

“yeah,” you say, knowing your voice sounded a little off. 

he laughs a little and heads off anyways. you quickly unlock your phone, seeing the new message from him. it’s simple. 

‘hey it’s owen 😁’

you shake your head, heading back to your dorm to tell your roommate about this one. you had a feeling it was going to be quite the semester. 

—

owen is surprisingly tolerable for a d1 athlete. he doesn’t act better than other people, he doesn’t mind letting you pick where to meet up to do the studying. he even picks you up food and coffee some days. 

“i hope that’s the right coffee order,” he laughs, setting the cup down. 

you look up at him and smile, pretty surprised by it. you’d mentioned the first week that you loved this one coffee spot on campus and you always ordered the same thing. 

“owen, you didn’t have to do that,” you blush, taking a sip of the warm liquid. it was perfect and he looked like a saint in that moment. 

he shrugs, “it was nothing. i had to pass it on the way back from practice.”

“well i appreciate it. thank you,” you say quietly, opening your book up to the chapter you guys were on. 

you start reading through your notes compared to what owen had and you can feel his eyes on you. you try not to look at first but eventually it’s too much. 

you glance up and find him watching you, a blush dusting his face when he gets caught. he coughs a little and looks down at his book after a second. 

“you really didn’t miss much,” you tell him, “i think you’re probably good to go this week.”

he looks up quickly, a small frown on his face, “oh. well i mean, we already came here. might as well keep working on stuff?”

you nod, telling him you don’t mind that. and even that quick the study dates were officially extended to whatever homework you both had with you that day. 

—

he’d actually turned into a pretty good friend over the month or so since you got assigned to each other and you started looking forward to seeing him every week. it didn’t hurt that he sat by you in class now, too. 

this tuesday was a meeting in the library again. owen looks exhausted and you know he’d had games over the weekend. he must not have had time to get much rest yet, so you try and condense what had been talked about in the last class he missed in case he wants to take off back to his place. 

he lays his head down on his arms, groaning into the table, “i can’t do this any longer.”

you laugh a little at him, “it’s microbiology, o. did you expect it to be easy?”

he peaks up at you with the cutest scowl you’ve ever seen. it’s hard to take him serious when he looks like that and his eye roll tops it off. 

“i should have picked a simple major like the rest of the team. this is ridiculous. i don’t understand this!”

you sigh and pull his notebook towards you. you realize he’d written something down a few lines ago that wasn’t correct about a transfer of disease. 

“owen, come here. you don’t get it because you wrote it wrong,” you say, tapping the table next to you. 

he grunts and gets out of his seat, moving to the one next to you instead. he crowds your personal space immediately, pressing his arm against yours as he leans over. 

you turn your head to explain it to him without realizing how close he had gotten. his eyes are big as he waits for you to explain it and you have to look away from him. you know you’re blushing like crazy, but owen is polite and doesn’t pick on you for it. 

you show him the section in the enormous textbook, telling him where he’d written the wrong thing down. the look on his face after is worth it though because he gets it then. 

what you didn’t expect was for him to flip his book around and stay sitting next to you when he could have easily moved back to his previous chair. you tell yourself not to think about it, not needing to make this more complicated. owen apparently has other plans though. 

“we’ve got a game this saturday,” he blurts out suddenly, “are you going?”

you look up at him, not even realizing it, “oh you do? i mean, i hadn’t thought about going.”

he looks down at his notebook before looking over at you, “maybe you should go. you might like it.”

“do you want me there?” you ask him. you have no clue where that bravery came from and you fully expected him to brush it off. 

he smiles though, “yeah i’d love that.”

—

“brittney, are you sure about this?” you nervously ask your roommate. 

owen had asked you to go, but you figured he probably told everyone to go to his games. brittney jumped at the chance to go when you mentioned it, swearing it would be fun. you knew she had alex turcotte in her management class though and wanted to see him as much as you wanted to see owen. 

“it’ll be fine. you need to stop worrying so much. he’s your study buddy, not a random dude,” she shook her head, going into the kohl center without a worry at all. 

you’d got to the rink earlier than expected so the boys were still warming up. you pull the sleeves of your wisconsin crewneck over your hands, crossing your arms as you watch them move around quickly. 

you find owen easily as they skate around and a little smile makes its way onto your face. brittney’s telling you some story about alex in class and you’re half listening, but also wondering if the guys ever looked around at the people watching them. 

you get your answer when a puck smacks the glass in front of you, making you jump and look back at the ice. you see owen laughing and stick handling another puck before tossing it into the glass again in the same spot. 

you shake your head at him, but you’re not even mad. you imagine he’d be teasing you about it come tuesday but that was okay. 

brittney looks over at you, asking, “what’s going on with you two? are you sure you’re just study buddies?”

you blush furiously, scoffing a little, “yeah, there’s nothing else going on with us. the last thing i need is to try and get with some college athlete just to end up embarrassed and heart broken.”

“okay that’s so dramatic. he obviously thinks you’re pretty cool if he invited you to the game tonight. it means he doesn’t mind being seen in public with you,” she pokes, knowing you were too shy to talk about him much. 

“let’s just go sit down. i need food before i have to watch this,” you mumble, shoving the topic to the side. 

you ended up with surprisingly good seats and the boys ended up winning, which was awesome. owen may have gotten a pretty decent assist and you know you’ll have to congratulate him on that later. you’re halfway down the street from the arena after the game when a text from owen shows up. 

‘wait after for us’

you stop and look over at brittney, showing her the screen. her jaw drops and she slaps your arm, heading right back for the building you’d just walked out of. 

“well we have to wait for him. also, find out who this ‘us’ is. tell him to bring alex,” she says, marching you both into the lobby. 

you send owen a message to tell him where you were, getting more and more nervous as time ticked on. he didn’t send another text back and you frowned at the screen. 

“what’s taking them so long? you don’t think he said that just to make me look dumb, do you?” you ask, checking your phone yet again to see if he messaged you. 

she looks up to respond but a funny look takes over her face, like she’s trying to hide her smile. it fails horribly and you realize she’s looking over your shoulder. 

before you can turn around to look two arms wrap around your shoulders from behind and hug you tight back into someone. you grab onto the arms, jumping when it happens, and see the suit coat that covers them. you know immediately that it’s owen. 

you laugh, relaxing then, and looking up at him as your head rests back on his chest. the smile he gives you makes your heart strings tug and he surprisingly doesn’t pull away. 

“that’s the second time i scared you tonight, huh?” he laughs. 

you blush and nod a little, “yeah, thanks for that earlier. you had everyone around me laughing, too.”

“so how was the game?” he asks, rocking you both side to side. 

“it was a lot of fun actually. your assist was pretty awesome,” you say, trying to keep your cool. 

you look over, feeling bad that you’d forgot to introduce brittney to him but she was already fully immersed in a conversation with alex that had her finding an excuse to touch his tie. you know exactly what’s going on there so you look back up at owen. 

“well, that’s my roommate. she has class with alex actually so it’s a good thing he came with you,” you laugh, still leaning into owen. 

he nods, “yeah when i shot that puck at you earlier he looked over and said he knew her. guess he thinks she’s pretty hot or something.”

you laugh, knowing she’ll love to hear that one later. you’re not sure what to do next, but owen finally steps away, coming to stand next to you. he gets alex’s attention, mentioning something about getting to ‘the house’ before it got too late. 

“you guys can come if you want,” alex says, giving you a little wave as he finally pulls his attention away from your roommate. 

you return his wave but get nervous right away, not really ready for that part of things. you’d heard they partied a lot but you weren’t exactly prepared for that. brittney recognizes it and shakes her head. 

“maybe next time. we’ve got stuff to do pretty early tomorrow,” she explains, saving you from looking like a big baby. 

the boys don’t seem to think twice about it and walk outside with you both as you get ready to go two different ways. alex and brittney get in their own world again as owen turns towards you. god he looks so good in his suit, and you know you’re staring, but you can’t help it. 

“i’ll see you in class monday, okay?” he asks quietly, pulling you into a hug. 

it takes you a little off guard, but you hug him back tight. he’s so big and warm that you get lost in it for a second. as he pulls back his hand trails down your arm, grabbing your hand for a second. he gives you a quick wink before he and alex walk away, but of course brittney caught it. 

“excuse me, what was that?” she tries to whisper but fails completely. 

“i don’t know! he’s never done that!” you blush, trying to comprehend what just happened. 

“he likes you,” she nods, laughing at your expression. 

you shake your head, “no way. he can get any girl he wants. i’m just his study buddy.”

—

owen asks to hang out more often after that. in fact he texts you the day after his game and the day after that as well. when he shows up to class monday morning he brings you a coffee and your heart melts a little. 

you knew to be weary of hockey players. you’d been around enough of them in high school to know how they acted, but owen seemed to be different. he leans over during the lecture to whisper in your ear at one point, which is thoroughly distracting. 

“you wanna go hang in my room after this?” he asks, his voice deeper than you expected. 

“yeah, i’m done with classes after this,” you nod, biting your lip as you look at him. 

the smirk he gives you back lets you know you’re in trouble now with him. he weaseled his way in and you hardly had the chance to stop him. 

the class passes by horribly slow after that, but the walk to owen's room is luckily pretty short. you’d been over once or twice, but not since the game. not since he came up behind you and hugged you. 

you look around this time, not as worried about studying. the late october air is cool in his room and you noticed the window was cracked open a little. the view from his room is amazing and you get lost in it for a second. 

owen comes up behind you, leaning his hand on the wall next to the window. you can all but feel him pressed against you but you don’t move. 

“this is amazing, o,” you say softly, taking in all the fall colors on campus. 

“yeah i really can’t complain,” he says, but you look back to find him looking down at you. 

you clear your throat, blushing hard as you look away. he must have noticed the effect he had on you because he laughs a little and steps away. 

“what do you say to watching a movie?” he asks, heading over to grab his laptop. 

you turn around, sitting next to him on his bed, “sounds like a great idea to me.”

you might be guilty of leaning into him a few times that night, but really it’s his fault. he’s the one that puts his arm around you and lets you lay your head on his chest. 

—

you decide to stay in that friday night but when a handful of texts from brittney come flying in to your phone you immediately panic a little. 

‘dude owens at state street’

‘he’s with some girl??’

‘they’re standing CLOSE?!?’

‘wait she looks kissed. pissed. fuck.’

‘she left. omg alex is here i gotta go’

the whole thing makes your heart hurt and your head spin a little. of course owen was out with a girl. who were you to think you were more than just a study buddy? but he’d been so different lately. you really hoped this was some rude joke being played on you and owen wasn’t how you knew some guys to be. 

you’d tried to keep that night off your mind as much as possible, but you’re not very successful. you can’t text him and ask, but that standing tuesday study date seems to come so much faster than you expected. 

the weekend had blurred by and you found yourself at owen’s door, the agreed upon study location for that week. you suddenly think it might have been better to fake an emergency so you don’t have to go through with this considering he’d been awfully friendly the last time you were in his room for movie night. 

you knock on the door quickly, wanting to get studying over with. you hear a groan that makes you frown and when owen opens the door you’re shocked. 

the room is pitch black, he’s in pajamas with his glasses on, and his hair is a mess. he looks rough, like he wasn’t feeling well and it immediately makes your concern grow. 

“o, what’s up? are you okay?” you ask softly. 

he sighs, looking so defeated, “i caught something yesterday i think. or maybe this weekend. i’ve been sleeping so much and i can’t eat. i hate being sick.”

you can’t worry about who that girl was now even though that’s all you wanted to ask him about. instead you shuffle him back into his room, dropping your bag by the door. 

you reach up to check his forehead considering how rosy his cheeks are, “owen, you’re burning up. have you eaten anything today?”

“eating and keeping it down have been two different things,” he mumbles, leaning into your hand. 

you frown and reach for him, pushing him towards his bed. he easily complies, crawling back under the covers, but pushing them away. 

“no, you need to cover up and sweat this fever out. i’ll run and get you some medicine and food that might be easier to keep down,” you tell him, looking for his keys. 

“i’ll be right here,” he tries to joke, but he’s already falling back asleep as he says it. 

you sigh, pushing a bit of his hair off his forehead. when did you turn into such a sucker for this kid? he had you all wrapped around his finger. 

medicine and food were decently easy to locate and owen is still passed out when you get back to his room. you set everything on his desk, walking over to sit on the edge of his bed. 

“hey, wake up. i need you to take some medicine,” you say, rubbing his back. 

he groans again and peaks up at you, “i’m so tired still.”

“i know. maybe you shouldn’t have stayed out all night friday,” you joke before you realize what you said. you both freeze a little and look at each other. 

“wait, how do you know i was out friday?” he asks, moving to sit up on the bed. 

“uh, i didn’t. i don’t. i mean,” you stutter, not being quick enough to pull yourself out of it.

he shakes his head a little, “you didn’t know. brittney told you, didn’t she?” 

you nod, not being able to look at him then. he probably thought you were keeping tabs on him or something. you’re lost in your own world when he reaches out, putting a finger under your chin to make you look at him. 

“she saw the girl, right? and then texted you about it?” he asks softly. 

you nod again, not trusting your words. you had already said the wrong thing once to get you to this spot. 

he smiles though, relaxing suddenly, “she’s no one to worry about. well not anymore. we used to like talk and hook up, but a few weeks ago i started to really like someone so i told her we had to call it off.”

“oh,” is all you can manage to say. you can’t look at him. absolutely not. you couldn’t let him see how upset you were about it. 

“well,” you say after a second, “medicine is in the bag and so is some food. i don’t think we want both of us sick so i should probably get going now.”

you’re up and moving towards the door before he can even protest, grabbing your backpack and tossing a goodbye over your shoulder. 

you pull your phone out with shaky hands and shoot a quick text to brittney. 

‘he used to hook up with that girl he was with friday. but he “called it off” bc he likes someone else’

you make your way back to your dorm quickly, trying to think of all the ways you’d be able to get out of your study buddy sessions for the rest of the semester. it couldn’t be over soon enough. 

—

“are you sure you don’t want to come out with us?” alex asks, waiting for brittney to finish getting ready. 

“no thanks. i have a paper i need to finish up so that i have study time next week,” you say, looking back at him and smiling. 

you really should do the paper. it needed to get done, but your mind kept wandering. you’d avoided owen for the better part of two weeks, finding a couple good excuses to miss studying. but you’d run out now and this coming week would mean you’d see him again. 

alex and brittney head out for the night, leaving you to yourself. you sigh, turning back to face your computer. you get a couple paragraphs written up when there’s a sudden sharp knock on your door. 

you jump, getting up to go see if maybe brittney had forgot her keys or something. instead the peephole shows you owen standing there. not what you expected. you lean your forehead against the wooden door, taking a deep breath. 

“what, owen?” you ask through it. 

“will you please let me in? i think we both know we need to talk,” he says, sounding so close to the door. 

you hesitate for a second but open it up. he waits for you to open it all the way, giving you a soft smile. 

“well there she is. i thought she transferred schools or something with how absent she’s been,” owen jokes, stepping into the room. 

you give him a little smile and follow him but he stops abruptly, causing you to run into him. 

“shit, i’m sorry,” he turns around quickly, his hands coming up to hold your arms. 

“i’m fine, really,” you say, trying to gently shrug him off. 

he looks hurt, pulling his hands away from you, “hey, what’s going on? did i do something?” 

you sigh, not even sure how to say this or where to start. he deserved an explanation, but you also didn’t want to get hurt and at this rate it was almost inevitable. 

“i guess i was just hoping you were different from other guys i’ve known in the past,” you mumble. 

he frowns, “what are you talking about? what happened?”

you look up at him, “i guess i just hoped you liked me for some reason. i know it’s dumb, but we were hanging out a lot so i just thought maybe it was different for you like it was for me. it’s fine if you don’t, i can’t force you to. it just sucks.”

he doesn’t respond immediately and it makes you start to get nervous. you glance back up at him and catch a half smile on his face. 

“what!” you snap, feeling ready to breakdown about it all. 

“you’re really cute when you’re all worked up,” he says and- wait, what?

“i’m what?” you ask, thinking you heard him wrong. 

“you’re really cute when you’re all worked up like this,” he repeats. 

“that’s all you have to say after what i just told you?” you scoff. 

he laughs and nudges your shoulder, “i like you! have i not made that clear?”

you look up at him with wide eyes. you had to be imagining this. he wasn’t actually saying this right now. 

“what?”

“not very clear then,” he mumbles almost to himself, “i invited you to my game. i even made sure to keep an arm around you so other people saw. we hang out more than we study anymore. we text all the time. you’re the only person i have a snap streak with.”

it all clicks into place a little better and you feel like an idiot. how did you miss all of this? you were so worried he’d found someone else to talk to that you didn’t even see how things had gone for the two of you.

“owen, are you serious?” you ask. 

he nods, leaning in closer, “you really think i was hooking up with some other girl when i’ve got you?”

you blush, leaning against him as well, “i don’t know. i guess i just figured you wanted options.”

owen laughs, shaking his head a little, “no and the  i needed to talk to you but you kept avoiding me. but i like you so i had to let you know, too. you kind of beat me to it though.”

“i like you too, o,” you smile, ignoring the small dig he made. 

he leans down, kissing you suddenly. you press back immediately, his hand coming up to cup your cheek. he pulls back slowly, his thumb rubbing gently on your cheek. 

“i think i could get used to that,” you mumble. 

he nods, giving you one more quick kiss, “be my girlfriend and you can do it whenever you want.”

you know your face is red now and it feels all hot. you nod though, leaning up to kiss him. you pull back and smile down at him, one hand carding through his hair. he hums and closes his eyes for a few seconds. 

“you’re not gonna avoid me for two more weeks now, right?” he jokes. 

“no, you’re stuck with me now,” you laugh, leaning up to kiss the corner of his mouth. 

he opens his eyes again and smiles at you, “movie before bed? i brought an extra shirt you can sleep in if you wanted. i’ll text alex for them to go sleep at our place tonight.”

“that sounds perfect,” you agree. 

and yeah, things with him did seem pretty much perfect. 

[xiolette]

Reworking Ansem SoD and Xemnas: Fuck Xehanort

Ansem SoD and Xemnas were interesting characters when they were introduced. Remember that? I’m going to recreate that, because their entire characters being reduced to “bleh Xehanort!” pisses me off!

Xehanort’s plan to take over Terra’s body didn’t work out the way he planned. 

He was successful, for a bit, until the fight with Aqua. When Terra took control and turned his keyblade on himself, that was the end of Xehanort. 

It was also the end of Terra, unfortunately. 

Or, at least, Terra as we knew him. 

It continues as it originally did: An amnesiac Terranort is taken in by Ansem and the apprentices. The only name he remembers is Xehanort but it feels wrong. He doesn’t like it. He has a feeling that he was someone else, but its the only name he has so they go with it. It always rubs him the wrong way. 

Master Xehanort is dead. He is not an influence on Terranort, besides the little remaining memories that cling to him. The important thing here is that this is Terra. Just... an amnesiac, broken down, more susceptible to darkness after All That Terra. 

He takes to being an apprentice surprisingly well! After Ansem and the gang were able to set up some accommodations (I hc that Terra has really bad dyslexia) he’s thriving. Terra is smart, he’s just never had the opportunity to show it. Eraqus saw that he struggled with the more academic side of things and redirected him towards physical keyblade handling because that’s obviously where he thrived. (Which is accurate to an extent, but left Terra with the impression that he’s just dumb and shouldn’t bother with anything else)

In the absence of internal shame and embarrassment and with an instructor that’s actually working with him Terranort soaks up everything like a sponge. He’s guided towards the more metaphysical side of things, latent influence from both Terra and Xehanort being keyblade masters and that knowledge running around deep in his subconsciousness. 

 Ansem’s fascination with his missing memories and Terranort’s own need to figure out who the hell he is spur the experiments that kickstart the whole plot of KH. 

Terranort is being led along by the idea that the heart is important somehow that this is the key to everything. He has bits and pieces that point to something and that something becomes an obsession. This obsession in more than encouraged by Ansem who proposes his own theories and is just glad to see his young apprentice excited about something. 

Terranort convinces Ansem to use him as a test subject, because it’s his heart and his memories and he doesn’t want anyone else being dragged into this. (ha.) 

The experiment was a success.... to a point. Terranort unlocks some memories, but they’re disconnected and scattered and the lack of context leads to the conclusion that whoever he used to be was not a good person. In fact he may have killed a few people. 

This is distressing and Terranort immediately withdraws into himself. Ansem, noticing the change, put an end to the experiments because sometimes things are best left in the past. 

The added pieces of the puzzle only make Terranort more obsessed. He’s angry and bitter over who he (thinks he) used to be be and is angry and bitter over the perceived abandonment of his mentor. (A small part of his mind tells him that this has happened before.) 

Insert: the recruitment of the rest of the apprentices and the KH1 Ansem Reports. 

Curiosity and (mostly) good intentions go horribly wrong and everyone ends up jumping off the slippery slope. 

It’s so interesting when you read the original Ansem Reports how he comes across as a well-intentioned figure that just slowly lets the darkness eat away at him until he’s convinced that this is all there is and all there will be. Then he, y’know, causes the apocalypse over of it. ❤️

Lead up is different, motivations are different - end result is the same. 

Then on the other side in KH2 you have Xemnas who is treated as a villain, yes, but a distinctly tragic one. Remember when his only motivation was to get his heart back? He may not have cared about anyone else also getting their hearts back, but he wanted his. 

Remember when he wasn’t trying to turn everyone into a Xehanort clone and never intended to get his own heart and that despite the supposed amnesia he’s still Xehanort and when he didn’t do everything because of Some Grand Evil Plan? 

I’m angry

But the desperate (and Nobodies are desperate creatures) want/need for his heart despite only remembering the negative emotions always struck me. Like, one: It’s better to feel bad than to feel nothing. Two: That’s fucked up man. 

I do like to believe that Xemnas cared or at least felt a certain kinship to his fellow Nobodies, but also he can’t feel nor does he remember how to fake empathy and still saw everyone as more of a tool than an individual. 

Because that’s, y’know, interesting. 

Again, everything is pretty much exactly the same as what happens in the main games. Nothing much needs to change there, because, like I said, they were interesting characters when they were introduced. 

Post KH2 reformation we get Terranort again! And he feels like shit! (As he deserves.) 

I would like for the protagonists to deal with the fact that the Big Grand Evil Villain was Just Some Dude who was a decent person at first but just went overboard. I would also like Terranort and friends to deal with the fact that this was on him. There wasn’t an evil mastermind brainwashing their friend - it was their friend. 

Uhhhh more solid parallels between him and Riku where Terra didn’t have anyone to reign him in, but Riku did. 

I should mention in this AU Ansem SoD becomes like a weird sort of father figure to Riku that actually gives advice and tries to get him to see his side while Riku is like, “Dude. You killed so many people.” “Fair.” 

Evil father figure Riku has mixed feelings about ❤️

The end result isn’t a full redemption arc, because Terranort really can’t get that. He crossed too many lines to have a fully happy ending. He does get reunited with the BBS dudes, though, and they all have to deal with the aftermath. His memories are never fully restored and, yeah, the Terra they knew is effectively dead and there’s some dude who looks like him in his place. 

It’s messy! 

DDD who? KH3 what? Real Organization XIII? 13 Darknesses??? I don’t know them. That sounds made up. 

(DDD is just the Mark of Mastery and Sora AND Riku both dealing with their trauma. Also the discovery of Aqua and Ven who need help like NOW) 

(KH3 is just Sora and Co. rescuing Aqua and Ven and Roxas and Namine and just giving everyone a relatively satisfying conclusion. No need for a grand epic battle. Just people picking up pieces and finding ways to move on.) 

(That’s it that’s the end of the series goodnight.)

[butwhatifidothis]

3H and Bleach: Where the Fuck am I

So, I’m finally hunkering down and trying to write out this post lmao. I’ve mentioned here and there how my personal experience with the 3H’s fandom is similar to my experience with the Bleach fandom’s in more than one way, and - look. Like, I get there’s definitely a semi-universal thing that goes on across all fandoms. I don’t mean for this to say that this only happens within these two fandoms, because duh, of course they don’t. But!! This post is partly me wanting to air years long annoyance towards the Bleach fandom that just so happens to coincide with my feelings towards the 3H fandom, sooo... yeah lmao

I’ll probably be skimming over some bits about 3H, since most people who come across this will already be familiar with what I’d be talking about in that regard vs Bleach, so just a heads up

Note: This is gonna talk about Bleach which will spoiler territory (writing this off the cuff so not sure where this is goin’ yet lmao but I know that much), so if you don’t wanna see that then don’t read this post lol, I know for sure I’ll be spoiling something ahhhh... noticeable, lol

Ableism against the mentally ill

Now, most people reading this post will be familiar with the blog and how this very, very much applies to 3H, but for the sake of this post I’ll lay it out anyway with a brief summary

Dimitri and Rhea are both characters within 3H that suffer from severe trauma that heavily impacts their mental state. Both are the sole survivors of a horrific slaughter, with that slaughter redefining who they are and leaving a permanent marker within their minds in some way (Dimitri with having auditory and visual hallucinations, Rhea with having obsessive tendencies towards bringing her mother back from the dead). Specifically in CF, both characters are set up in the plot as antagonists, with both characters having to relive their trauma in some way due to the actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them (for Dimitri, having his home be razed to the ground and everyone he cares for dying around him, for Rhea having someone use her mother’s mutilated remains be used to end her and her race) and express extreme anger towards Byleth and Edelgard before they are killed to progress/end the story

Now, uh, sad shit right? Not exactly fuckin’ happy sunshine rainbows. These two characters are put through the wringer and are then murdered. They are rightfully not the fuckin’ happiest because of what happened to them before and what happens to them within the present story. But we’ve heard it all before: “They were crazy!” “They couldn’t be reasoned with!” “They had to be put down out of mercy because they were too ~far gone~ to live happily!” “They needed to be killed for the good of everyone!” It’s an extremely ableist rhetoric that gets passed around the fandom as though it’s totally fine to directly state that mentally ill people should be put down if they’re deemed a “lost cause.” Especially worrying because. You know. If they are a “”””lost cause”””” then it’s directly and specifically because of actions Byleth and Edelgard take against them. 

But how does this remind me of Bleach? What kind of similar extreme, worrying ableism exists there? Well, let me introduce to best girl a certain character with... a reputation, to say the least:

Meet Momo Hinamori.

Holy shit it’s so weird writing this out because I’ve been wanting to for years but have never worked up the nerve to do it lol

It should be noted, in the Bleach verse there’s two worlds out of three - Soul Society and Hueco Mundo, though I’ll only be talking of the former - that deal with “souls” (the essence within a living human). Souls age far more slowly than human bodies do in terms of body, not necessarily the mind (so a teenage soul will likely behave as such for a long while) so keep in mind that I’m going to be using numbers that may seem weird to someone who hasn’t seen Bleach lol.  With that out of the way, here’s a similar, if longer for context to those who haven’t seen Bleach, summary for Momo’s character as it relevant to this post:

Momo is a character in Bleach that grows a deep admiration towards Sosuke Aizen, a respected captain of the military force called the Gotei 13. She comes to views him as the most important person in her world due to him both noticing and paying direct attention to her as well as saving her and her friends’ lives during a training mission gone wrong while she was younger. Note that “younger” here means 40 years ago from the start of the story. Aizen would praise her all the time, allow her to sleep over in his quarters, would drape his cloaks over her when she looked cold, and would overall treat Momo as though he was his daughter for most of the time we see them interact in the beginning portions of the show. Note that none of this is sexual in nature, nor is it ever implied to be seen as such. That’ll be important later in this post

To make a long story short, Aizen comes to betray her. He stabs her through the chest and shows and tells her that she never meant anything to him, throughout the 40 years they’ve known each other (which, mind, for a soul Momo’s approximate age 40 years is still a noticeable amount of time), and he was only using her to help bolster his image as a loveable captain so that he can hide his plan from everybody that much easier. He did horrible things to Momo - from setting her alarm clock back to a later time so that she would more likely come across his pinned, bloody fake corpse. to framing her childhood friend for the apparent murder and tricking her into fighting that friend, to far later in the series tricking that friend into stabbing her (hypnosis shit, to sum that up) for literally no stated reason - that ended up mentally breaking her. She couldn’t believe that the last four decades were all nothing but lies and she fell into a deep denial about Aizen’s true nature - someone else made him do everything he did, she must have missed something that would have warned her about Captain Aizen’s unfortunate situation that forced Captain Aizen to hurt her and everyone else. This denial would take the majority of Bleach’s entire runtime for her to get over completely, with her having hiccups in her recovery even as she works up the nerve to fight him.

Now, uh, also not the fuckin’ funnest of times to be had here. The deep, long-running mental and psychological manipulation of what approximates as a teenage girl from a trusted older figure is something that is very clearly horrific and bad of the older figure, right? Like, we’re on the same page here on that?

This wouldn’t be in this post if that was the case. No, Momo was the one constantly on fire for what happened to her. She was one of the most hated characters in the western audience, and there were endless jokes about “lol look at Momo, the pincushion!” “Crazy bitch Momo, better watch out!” making fun of her and her trauma relentlessly. If you managed to find a Momo fan in the early 2000′s you should have also bought a lotto ticket because holy fuck, everyone hated her. She acted in a startlingly real if deeply uncomfortable way in regards to years long manipulation and she was lambasted for it. She didn’t immediately get over decades long psychological abuse and she was called useless, weak, a horrible representation of female characters, stupid - you name it, she was likely called it. To this day I still tense up when I hear that someone likes Bleach and they mention Momo at all because I’m always thinking “does this person think this abuse victim is dumb for being abused?”

Dimitri, Rhea, and Momo are all victim-blamed to a disgusting degree in the 3H and Bleach fandoms. Dimitri and Rhea are always hit with “well if Dimitri hadn’t have fought back against Edelgard/Rhea caused the “”tyranical systems” in the first place, nothing would have happened to them!” and Momo was constantly hit with” well, it’s not Aizen’s fault Momo was so clingy to him, what could he have done!” and I get so fuckin’ mad dude.

But for Dimitri and Momo specifically, there’s one thing in particular that caught my attention:

The “Rejection Theories”

This had my head spinnin’ a bit when I first heard it, cuz I had managed to avoid the theory for a while in the 3H’s fandom, but apparently a sizeable amount of people seem to believe that Dimitri wasn’t just mad at Edelgard in the Holy Tomb because of... you know *waves hand* fuckin’ everything, but that the primary reason for his anger was that Edelgard... rejected his advances to her? And that the dagger he gave to her when they were 13 was a phallic symbol of baby Mitri’s want to have sex with Edelgard? And. Like. What in the fuck are you talking about. 

But like?? Bleach did this shit too with Momo?? It was also a sizeable amount of people - not everyone, but a noticeable amount - that believed that Momo was just mad that Aizen wouldn’t sleep with her? You’d see it pop up in fics so often, that Momo would want Aizen to fuck her and she’d “go crazy” when he denied her and Momo was actually just this shallow bitch who wanted a good fuck like... what.

Like, when I first heard the Phallic Dagger take the first thing that came to mind is “wait Momo was also accused of just wanting to have sex with the person who traumatized her wtf” 

“Actually it was the perpetrators that should be forgiven because lonely and also some shit about ruling better”

Those in the 3H fandom know how often the “Edelgard was lonely!” line gets thrown by just about every one of her stans. Edelgard was lonely and couldn’t trust anyone, so of course she did what she did! If she had someone near her she could trust she wouldn’t have acted like she does in the rest of the game! Nevermind that she “gets” this in CF in the form of Byleth and still acts just as shittily as she does in the other routes, or how being a little lonely doesn’t fuckin’ mean you get to start war. But anyway, we also hear that Edelgard was justified in doing what she did because her ruling Fodlan would have lead to more peace in the end, once she got rid of the power structures in place now (except that doesn’t happen but whatev I guess lmao)

Aizen? He was lonely too! He was far too strong for anyone to truly be able to understand him, and so he tragically fell down a dark path. If he had known someone who could be considered an equal to him he would have never done all the horrible things he did. And the Soul Society is unjust! It needs to be reformed! So him slaughtering hundreds of thousands of souls at the minimum to harvest all of their power to use as his own is justified because it’ll be used to create a more just society under his rule!

Like. Y’all. Lowkey? I’m so fuckin’ glad Edelgard proved herself to be just as fuckin’ awful with Byleth as without because this shit drove me up the fuckin’ wall back in the day. There was 0 ways to prove that Aizen would damn sure be just as fuckin’ bad if he had an “”equal”” to stand by him than if he didn’t, and I get to kinda be right because without fundamentally changing these characters’ backstories they would not give two flying shits about whether or not they had someone “equal to them” (which is still kinda degrading to think about anyway).

Now, this is where I move away to a different topic lol

A split in the narrative cause divides in the fandom

With 3H houses this is really fuckin’ easy to point at: there’s 4 routes, three consistent stories and one radically different story, and that difference in story causes heavy contention within the fandom. It’s very obvious so I won’t go over it much.

But how in the fuck is there a divide in Bleach? It’s not a fuckin’ Choose Your Own Adventure manga, it’s an anime and manga showing off the characters of Bleach’s stories and interactions (with, you know, plot and shit thrown in).

Well. It’s more accurate to say the anime told a story about the characters, and the manga told... the story about the characters.

In terms of plot, the anime didn’t change much from the manga, but hoo fuckin’ boy, did they change shit about some of the characters. Specifically, they changed a shit ton about three characters: the two main protagonists, Ichigo and Rukia, and another main character, Orihime.

Orihime. Got. Fucked.

The anime would make her far more ditzy and clumsy, her crush (turned growing love later on in the story) for Ichigo during more deeper moments that showcases her feelings for him were downplayed if not removed entirely in exchange for talking or thinking about food, key moments she has with Ichigo early in the manga were cut or deadass changed to something else in the anime, some key moments with her relationship with Rukia were cut, her backstory was watered down - so much of Orihime was fucked with in the anime (her fuckin’ introduction was changed drastically). Meanwhile Ichigo and Rukia were given moments that didn’t exist in the manga, they have filler arcs (remember those lmao) that would be stuffed with shit ton of moments for them that have no basis in the manga, other characters would change their behavior from the manga to reflect a sort of “thing” going on between Ichigo and Rukia.

Look, guys, the anime fucked up so bad the fucking mangaka, Tite Kubo, has said he gets stomach aches watching the early anime because it was that awful. And this divide between the anime and manga’s portrayal of these three character helped spawn the ship war of Bleach: Ichiruki vs Ichihime (oh but more on that in a bit). It tanked Orihime’s popularity because people thought she was the stupid dumbass that would stumble ass first into situations when that wasn’t her character at all. And because the majority of anime watchers only watch the anime... yeah, you can see where this went. So just like in 3H in Bleach you have these radically different tellings of the same characters that drove a big-ass wedge in the fandom

Marketing

Imma be transparent, like I’ve said before I managed to avoid nearly every marketing tactic for 3H so it’s a tad hard for me to speak personally, but from what I’ve been told Edelgard was heavily marketed towards the player base pre-release. She was the poster child of 3H, she got the figma, she was in the spotlight - unless you cleansed your board of 3H content you knew exactly who she was. On top of that, it doesn’t stop in-game - loading screen messages would assume you picked BE, Adrestia is the first option to pick when you want to impress one of the lords in the prologue, the BE class is the first option to pick in choosing which route to play, every character has some moment in the game post ts where they express sympathy with the woman who waged war on them for five years (even characters with no business doing so, like Seteth entertaining the idea that maybe Edelgard isn’t that bad during Myrddin). With all of that good PR for Edelgard in and out of the game it heavily impacted how people saw her, and much of it is used by stans to justify her being a good guy (mostly in the game marketing) despite everything else in the game clearly showing that Edelgard is the bad guy

With Bleach in that regard... you have Ichiruki

holy shit it’s so weird talking about Ichiruki i’m still lowkey nervous about talking about them lmao

With Ichiruki stans, they would cling onto outside material that promoted Ichigo and Rukia together as proof that their ship was going to be canon. Spreadsheets, calendars, poems (some of which didn’t even apply to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship but they insisted they did anyway), novels - outside material that either wasn’t canon or didn’t pertain to Ichigo and Rukia’s relationship. They would shove it in the face of Ichihime shippers that “see, we have all this stuff for us! We ain’t starving tonight!” when the canon (note: in the manga particularly) would clearly show Ichigo and Orihime’s relationship being the one that leans romantic in multiple significant ways. They would latch onto irrelevant shit that ain’t had nothin’ to do with anything and wave around as a paragon of romance when it literally wasn’t even canon

Just fuckin’ ignoring the creators deadass

Creators and developers of 3H: Edelgard is the typical Red Emperor the only difference is Girl

Stans: that’s just a headcanon

Kubo: Ichigo and Rukia have a platonic relationship and I’ve publicly said this since 2008

Stans, now, to this day: Ichigo and Rukia were robbed

Making people reject what they’re stanning for

I’ve seen a few people express that the more they interact with the fandom and see what her stans are doing, the more they grow to dislike Edelgard despite (some) initially liking or even loving her. To put it simply, the same thing happened with Ichiruki - hell, this happened with me with Ichiruki. I can’t fuckin’ stand the ship anymore because every time I think about it I’m reminded of the absolutely rancid, disgusting things Ichiruki stans have to done to others in the fandom, and even after nearly five years after Bleach has ended I still tense up when someone says they like Ichiruki over Ichihime precisely because of the behavior of the stans, just like I side-eye people who say Edelgard is the best lord. Do they like them because they simply prefer them over the other(s) and they’re not totally fuckin’ bonkers, or are they totally fuckin’ bonkers. 

And, like, that’s not fair! I know that! But I can’t help but think that when such a loud amount of people act in such deplorable ways just because someone didn’t like a bunch of lines on paper/pixels on a screen.

To all the nice Ichiruki and Edelgard fans, hope y’all are havin’ a nice day.

Long, crazy ass explanations as to why X =/= X (and if anything actually means Y)

Teacher theory for 3H. How Edelgard totally didn’t hire Kostas to kill Dimitri and Claude and was only thwarted because Claude booked it, but how she definitely actually meant to simply scare away the teacher that was with them so that Jeritza could be pulled from his already existing position in Garreg Mach to teach one class so that Edelgard can kinda keep a sorta closer eye on exactly one of the other classes (and just do shit all about the other one I guess), because Jertiza’d be able to gleam so much from teaching a class for a few hours a day I promise 

But for Bleach, you also have one particularly infamous theory positing shit that don’t real, with enough renown to be known by a specific name, and that’s the Lust Arc = Fail essay

To explain what the essay is about, I have to set the scene up a bit. Imagine, you, with your tiny little monkey brain, are watching Bleach, and you get to the part where Main Boyo is fighting against Villain to save Girly. Other Guy is there too - this is important. Main Boyo tries his hardest to fight Villain, but is ultimately shot through the fucking chest with a laser from Villain and dies. Like, for bit actually dies. Girly breaks down, has a straight up mental breakdown because she always “knew” that Main Boyo could do anything, and now he’s been killed and is dead in front of her. She screams out Main Boyo’s name, hysterically begging him to save her and protect her because holy shit the love of her life has been brutally murdered in front of her what the fuck. But Main Boyo, from literally beyond the line of death, hears her pleas and snaps back to life as a monster, with the sentence “I MUST PROTECT” repeatedly running through his head and being the only sentence he ever says while in this form, with him fucking destroying Villain and even going so far as to directly hurt Other Guy when Other Guy tries to stop Main Boyo from utterly stomping on Villain. Girly is the only person Main Boyo does not directly hurt, and when Villain is damn sure gonna fuckin’ kick the bucket that is when Main Boyo reverts back human. Everyone is more than a little shocked at what happened, but it’s clear from how relieved Girly is when Main Boyo comes back safe and sound that while this event fundamentally will change their relationship (and it does), it is still one that is extremely strong and they won’t let it get between them (and they don’t).

Now, when looking at the summary, you, with your absolutely miniscule peanut of a brain, might come away thinking, “Hm, Main Boyo might kinda care for Girly given that he literally rose from the dead to protect her and only her and went back to normal once she was safe” and you poor fool would be oh so wrong, because actually, this is all proof that Mian Boyo doesn’t care for Girly and that Villain actually cared more for Girly than Main Boyo ever could.

Without diving too deeply into the absolute lunacy of the Lust Arc = Fail essay, that was its main premise. That Ichigo, after rising from the literal dead directly after Orihime begged and pleaded that he protect and save her and then going on to protect and save specifically her (as Uryu - Other Guy - is also a friend of Ichigo’s and got his fucking arm cut off by Monster!Ichigo), is proof against Ichihime being romantic in any way and was not, in fact, a fuckin’ giant neon flashing sign that read THESE TWO ARE GONNA GET TOGETHER. It was the dumbest shit ever, but Ichiruki stans, much like Edelstans with Teacher Theory, clung to it like white on rice. It didn’t matter how much it was utterly debunked, it didn’t matter how the base premise was stupid as fuck, they point to it as the pinnacle of meta for their respective fandoms in their respective spaces.

And all of this leads me to um... the one I’m kinda the most worried about?

Stan Behavior

Edelstans are their own unique brand of awful in that that the shit they spew is particularly... worrying (”genocide isn’t bad if they aren’t human and also they kinda deserved it” “imperialism isn’t that bad really” the mentally ill should be put down if they’re deemed ~too far gone~” among other... wonderful takes...), and their behavior is also quite shitty, harassing content creators that go against the Approved Opinions (Ghast) or forcing people to take down fanart and in general infecting nearly every Rhea space with all kinds of disparaging comments no one asked for. They actively make the fandom a worse space, and when they flare up it’s almost always noticeable (again, Ghast)

Bleach?

Oh boy.

Guys. If you weren’t there for the Canonization of Ichihime (2016). You dodged a fucking bullet.

The outrage was out-fuckin’-rageous. Their behavior was some of the worst reactions anyone has ever seen come from the canonization of a ship in a shounen. This includes, but is not limited to:

Someone tearing apart all 70+ volumes of Bleach and burning it in their bathroom

In fact, multiple people tearing up Bleach and burning it, while keeping the Ichiruki moments and taping it to their walls

A Rukia cosplayer, in Rukia cosplay, printing out the final color spread of the end-game couples and their friends lounging about - with colored ink and all - and burning it, while filming herself doing so

Ichiruki porn being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being accused of grooming a 15 Orihime cosplayer with no proof

Tite Kubo being accused of lying about his various health issues

Ichigo and Rukia being drawn cheating on their spouses with each other - and some of that also being sent to Tite Kubo

Tite Kubo being chased off Twitter by Ichiruki stans... again

Ichihime shippers getting sent death threats

Ichihime shippers getting called delusional for thinking their ship had a chance before the endgame couples were revealed, and then being called delusional for thinking their ship had any real basis and wasn’t pulled “out of nowhere”

Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because of Orihime being shown in an apron in the last chapter and Ichiruki stans jumping to the conclusion she became a housewife, and then Tite Kubo being accused of hating women because when it was revealed that Orihime has a job in a bakery to pay for college later they insisted what Kubo should have done was have Uryu, who’s a doctor at that point, pay for Orihime’s college instead of having Orihime pay for it with her own money 

And mind you, this is only the stuff I’ve personally seen and experienced

I am hoping and praying that Edelstans never get as bad as Ichiruki stans did in 2016, but with how otherwise similar they are my hopes are dwindling more and more. I guess I can take solace in the fact that they aren’t quite... that bad yet? In terms of actions, at least? Their sentiments though are infinitely worse, so like... cool

[fandomout]

Platonic Dean and Sam Winchester-being there for the yellow fever illness

Not my gif

Longer Post

Finally, finding a case, you all drive toward the morgue for the death of Frank O’Brien. At the moment, you were trying to fighting the urge to laugh after seeing Dean be completely disgusted, especially when the mortician puts the heart in Dena’s hands. However, he perks up when blood spurts right onto Sam’s face. At first, you weren’t too concerned about the case until you noticed Dean’s odd behavior that began at the witness’s, Mark Hutchins’s, house. 

Being at Mark’s house, you can’t miss the exotic pets that made Dean’s demeanor tense, which you realized was fright after he moved closer to you.  About to joke about it, you got just as freaked out seeing a snake slide past your foot. With both of you freaking out, Sam gives you both a look, so you and Dean try to regain your composure. As Sam wrapped up the questions, Dean eyes Mark’s snake. Despite Mark trying to ward off any worry, as if on cue, a snake slithers right on Dean’s leg, and he looks like he’ll pass out. After wrapping up with Mark, Sam headed to the county clerks while you and Dean checked out Frank's place. Everything seemed relatively clean and supernatural free. After picking up Sam, you headed to a motel. As the drive goes on, Sam mentions that the information he got at the clerk’s office does nothing for their case. 

While driving, it seems to be taking longer than usual as Dean’s speed is normal. You scoot up to be in view of Dean and say, “Woah! Dean, you're going so fast! Slow down!” Dean jumps and swerves the car a smidge. Panicked, he expresses, “Y/N, sit back and put on your seat belt! I’m driving here! That’s so dangerous....God.” Sam scoffs and comments, “Dean, you're going 20.”

“It is the speed limit.”

“Since when do you-whatever.” As they near the motel, Dean doesn't take the left hand turn. In response, Sam noted, “Dean, you missed the turn.”

“Sam, I am not going to make a left hand turn into oncoming traffic. I’m not suicidal.”

“You’re being weird.” 

“Safety a crime now?” As they park across the street from the motel, Dean seems hesitant to cross. You notice his gaze dart toward the broken street light blinking only red. “Maybe we should head down two blocks down there and go all the way around. It’s safer. Sounds good.”

“Dean, it’ll be fine.”

“Sam, the light is broken.” Feeling a bit bad for him, you put a hand on his shoulder and tell him, “Dean, it’ll be fine as long as you know when to cross. Not to mention, there are no cars right now.”

“One could come out of nowhere. I’ll take my chances down the b-”

”Would it make you feel better if you hold onto me?”

“I-Fine.” Sam’s already across the street, and he cackles at the sight of you helping Dean across the street. In mocking tone, through laughter, Sam manages to utter, “Oh, does grandma need help across the street?” 

“Shut up!” Dean responds and holds onto your arm for support. Finally making it across, Dean breathed out like he’d been holding his breath the whole way, so you patted his back. While he regained some kind of stability, you asked him, “All better?” He gave you a small smile and replied, “Much.” You all settle into the room, and you ask Sam about Dean’s behavior. Sam responds, “He is being a little weird. That being said, if you haven't noticed, he is a weird guy sometimes.”

“So, this is normal?”

“Sorta.” Sam was walking around, and his EMF went off. All of you rose you guard with Dean have panic written on his face. Sam pulls it out and tries to find the source and finds out that it’s only on Dean. Dean’s face lights up in fear. You tried to reassure him with the words, “Let’s just calm down.” He only freaked out more and responded, “Calm down?! I’ve got a ghost on my ass!” You and Sam couldn't help let out a small laugh at that, but Dean’s glare made you stop. You uttered, “Sorry. Look, we’ll figure this out.” In which, Sam added, “Right.” Sam made Dean sit down on the bed and stated, “I’ll let Bobby know about everything. I’m sure he can help.” 

You sat on the opposite bed of Dean’s to try figure anything out. After a few minutes, Sam gets off the phone with Bobby relatively quickly, and he turns to both of you to say, “I’m going to get us some food. I'll be back.” Rushed, Dean comments, “Careful on the streets. Those things were really bumpy.” Dean takes off his shoes and gets onto the bed. He sighs and covers his eyes. Sam gives you a small smile and heads out. You gently ask, “Dean, do you want me to turn off the light?”

“No! No. Who knows what’ll happen?”

“Right...Want to play a game to take your mind off of-off of...it?”

“If you mean drinking games, then yes.”

“Anything else you’d be interested in?”

“Probably not.”

“How about-”

“I think I’d rather be left alone.”

“Alright. I’ll be in the bed right next to you if you need anything.” You told him and tried once again to shed any light on what was happening. When Sam comes back, you are all grateful to eat as it was the only thing to take from the situation at hand. After eating, Sam sighs heavily and stretches. Hearing all the cracks in his back, you  cringe a little bit, which makes him smile. Then, he tells you , ”I think I’m gonna shower and sleep. Just like an hour or two. I really need it.” You nod and respond, “That’s a good plan. I’m just gonna look at my notes one more time and get sleep.”

“Hey, don’t get carried away. Honestly, I think Bobby is gonna solve this like always, so  we need our energy for whatever he comes up with.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” 

You were sitting at the table when you heard Dean call out, “Y/N...” You walked over to the side of his side and asked, “What’s up?”

“Well, we’re all about to head to sleep some, right?” You nodded slowly at him. “If I’m gonna-” He scratches his arm. “Get any sleep. I-Can you sleep with me?” He sounded pretty broken up about it, which made you utter, “I-Sure. Just let me change.” You walked over to your things and took out your clothes. You walked over to the opposite side of the room and went behind the wall to change out of Dean’s view. After putting the clothes back, you walked over to Dean’s bed. Hesitantly, you sat down before laying next to him. He seemed to really need it. Although willing, you didn’t know where to put your hands and kept fidgeting. Similarly, Dean was moving about too because of his restless thoughts and feelings. He was even huffing out. Without thinking, you asked him, “Are you still scared?”

“Yup, and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere.”

“Right. Right. That was a dumb question.” He turns his head toward you and asks, “This is weird isn’t it?”

“What part?”

“All of it.”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Not only whatever this is, but it's a little crazy to think we’re in the same bed.”

“Right. Odd.” He breathes out a laugh and says, “Odd. Yeah…”

“Yet here we are.”

“It is a bit crazy. We don’t know each other too well...” You turn on your side with your back to him, and he does the same. The weird awkwardness provides small relief from his head that’s now constantly full of fear and anxiety, which brings a small smile to his lips. Although Sam and you have been asleep for at least 2 hours now, Dean wasn’t even half as lucky. Dean doesn't manage much sleep as he scratches his arm most of the night and is in more of a half-awake half-asleep state. At around 4:30, Dean decides it’s pointless and gets out of bed. He heads to the fridge and takes out a beer. He looked out the window to see the sun was coming up soon. He decided to walk around for the hell of it. He was looking in the cabinets even though he was sure they’d be empty. He found some empty plastic cups. He decided to make use of at least one of them by filling it with water and laying it on Sam’s forehead. Dean had to keep himself from chuckling and stifled his laugh, which alerted you. You stirred in bed, and the sun reached your eyes. You groaned at it and looked over to Dean. Then, you looked over to the clock. It was 4:55. 

“Why are you up?” You said in a deeper tone since it’s the first thing in the morning.

“Couldn’t sleep.” He responded.  You sat up and were more awake now as your eyes filled with worry, and you asked, “All night?”

“More like a few hours but yeah.” You get off the bed and stand up. About to walk toward the bathroom, you stopped abruptly and looked over to Sam. You smiled at Dean but told him. “Seriously? What are you five?”

“I had to keep busy.”

“Come on, Dean, don’t do this to him.” 

“It’ll be hilarious.” You sigh as you try to decide to let this happen or not. After a few more seconds, you give a shrug before grabbing clothes and heading into the bathroom. You showered and changed quickly in hopes you wouldn’t miss the spectacle of Sam. Getting out of the bathroom, you start brushing your hair when you see the water spill all over Sam. Sam gasps and jolts out of bed. He runs his hand through his hair looking confused and panicked. Dean and you laugh out. In a deep tone, Sam says, “Seriously, dude.” Dean shrugged and responded with a smirk and the words, “I had some time on my hands.” Sam waved him off and said, “Whatever. Y/N if you're just about ready, why don’t we go for a walk and get some food.”

“I guess.”

“You’re gonna leave me alone?” Dean asked. Sam smirks and says, “You betcha.” 

“Fine. Bring me back doughnuts.” 

“First I’m gonna need to change and dry my hair since I’m all wet.” Sam goes to the bathroom and Dean follows. “What are you doing, man?”

“I’m gonna shower.”

“Could you give me a second?” Dean smiles and responds, “Uh. No.” before he just started taking all his clothes off and hops in the shower. The water started running, and Sam was drying his hair with a towel. Suddenly, Sam grumbles, “Dean?” Dean responds with, “Yeah?” while sticking his head out of the shower. 

“I have a concern-”

“Can you speak normal for once Sam? It wouldn't kill you unless you're a robot like I’ve always suspected.”

“Dean, be serious.” Dean sighs, rolls his eyes and goes back into shower, but he facts interest and asks, “Oh, what is it, Sam?”

“Last night, Y/N was sleeping in your bed because?”

“What does it matter for? It’s not like we did anything.”

“Are you sure about that? Dean, I don’t know if you noticed, but Y/N happens to get along with you, me, and Bobby? We’re all completely different-”

“The point, Sammy.”

“Are you coming onto them?” Dean sticks his head out a let's a playful smile lay on his lips before laughing out a bit and saying, “Am I-Sam, I have a question for you. Do you have a cru-”

“Stop asking about that. Answer my question.” Sam says and starts changing.

“Sam, if I were, you wouldn't have to ask.”

“No? I think If anything, I’d have to ask because Y/N is different.”

“Yeah. Yeah sure. Don’t worry, I had a moment where I wanted someone in bed, asked, they said yes. Are you gonna give Y/N the same talk?”

“No.”

“Come-”

“I’ll see you.”

“Wait, let me finish showering.”

“Bye Dean.” Dean rushes out, hardly covering anything up. While surprised at the sight, you do nothing. Sam follows your gaze to dean. He rolls his eyes before covering your eyes with his large hands. Sam is about to yell at Dean when Dean huffs and says, “How dare you leave me there alone? Ya jerk!” Sam scoffs at him, waves him off before saying, “Y/N, let’s go.”

“Go-Go-Good Idea.” You respond. He leads you outside. Before the door closes, Dean manages to say, “Don’t forget the donuts!” Sam removes his hand from your eyes and tells you, “Sorry about him.” 

“Yeah. That was somethin. What do you think is up with him? Like what he has or whatever?”

“Yeah. I really don’t have much of a theory. None of this is making any sense.”

“The closest I can think of is a curse but like a special one than again a curse is special in itself. There are specific targets-I just can't understand how Dean could be the only one infected. We were with him all day yesterday.”

“I’m sure Bobby had it figured out.”

“Our saving hope.” You stop at a dinner, eat, get doughnuts for Dean, and get information from Bobby before heading back to the motel. As you get to the motel, your  heads look over to the loud music playing in the impala see Dean’s movement; then it becomes clear that Dean is jamming out. As Dean sees both of you come up, he turns down the music and gets out of the car. Barely getting out of the car, he starts scratching vigorously. They relay the sickness to Dean. Dean whines about the room they are in being too high, so Sam changes it. Even with the room change, Dean’s anxiety seemed to elevate. You had gone down to the library and snagged a book or two that could help you learn more even if Bobby had already given you everything in words. You got back to the motel just as Sam is about to leave, and you ask, “Where are going?” In response, he tells you, “I’m gonna go find out what happened to Jesse O’Brien’s body.” You accept that and are about to go inside when Sam purposely purposely puts himself in front of you with his back to Dean and says, “I might also bring food back. I’m hoping you can watch him?”

“Sure.” You responded. 

With not much to do, you were still looking into yellow fever when you notice Dean reading one of the books. With every second, he seemed to be getting more jittery. You walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder, which made him flinch away. Trying to figure out what’s happening, you say, “Dean, how ya doing?” He doesn’t respond, you reach down to the book and state, “Maybe stop looking at that.” Although right next to him, he couldn’t hear any of it as delusions filled his head. He suddenly stood and punched the clock on the wall before bolting toward the fridge and getting a beer. He strides over to the couch and rocked back a bit on it. You sat down cautiously on the single couch far from him. He noticed your gaze and mumbled, “I’m good.” 

“Dean...I know you’re scared and anxious. Umm...Find the logic. It helps with the fear and anxiety...Breathing is good...Action remind out of what's-”

“Are you some kind of expert? Always trying to therapize us.”

“I don’t know if expert is the right word, but I know a bit about fear and anxiety...The anxiety part...it’s a struggle...”

“I don’t think anything can help.”

“Right…”

“But, thanks.” He says and starts scratching at his arm. You wave him off and state, “Stop scratching at that. Do I need to buy mittens to stop you?” 

“I’m not a child.”

“Right about now...I mean it’s pretty darn close.” You trail off. He makes a face and moves his head back and forth. You stood and mentioned, “I think I know a cream for anti-itch. I’ll go get it.”

“You think it’ll work. This isn’t some regular smellular-”

“I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot. Don’t scratch, drink water, and I’ll be back.” You leave a bottle of water next to him and head out. Quickly, after getting to the nearest store, you checked out the cream and headed back to the motel. As soon as you walked into the room, you see Dean having a coughing fit before running over to the sink. You and Sam rushed to follow him. You pat his back while Dean coughs up blood and a wood chip. Instantly, you say, "Oh my gosh, Dean!" Dean raises the wood chip and washes it to reveal engraved symbols. Sam reveals that Dean is a clue much to Dean’s discontent. “What exactly happened while I was gone?” You ask and take out a bandana from your pocket and wipe a bit of blood from Dean’s mouth and hand him a nearby water bottle. Then, you apply the cream you bought while Sam explains, “Well, Frank’s wife was cremated, and we need to head to the factory.”

“Wait a second, Dean is the cream working?”

“A little I think.” You and Sam head to the factory with Dean waiting in the car. You and Sam get beat up by the ghost of Luther. Quickly, after, you head to question Luther's brother; however, Dean decided to come with because he didn’t want to wait in the car alone; however, it gave Dean the chance to seriously consider what being a hunter means, which only made him overwhelmed enough to run away. Sam leans over the impala exasperated. You pat Sam’s back and say, “We’ll find him. I’m gonna go steal a car, so we cover more ground.”

“Thank you.” As you're driving, he calls to say, “I’m on the west side of town. We could split it in half.”

“Sounds good.” a silence hangs and you feel the need to tell him, “Sam, we’re gonna find him”

“Can we not talk about it?”

“Fine. Fine. Did you know multiple octopus amounts to calling them octopi?”

“Umm-” You hear him let out a small chuckle. 

“Was that off topic enough?”

“So random.”

“But, it was good.”

“If you say so-”

“Gotcha laughing.”

“You-I’m hanging up now.” You could swear he was smiling a bit in his words before he hung up. Despite feeling uneasy, you found Sam’s laughter to be a small comfort.  After both of you confirmed that Dean wasn't anywhere in town, you agreed to head back to the motel. Sam walks up to Dean, and Dean seems to be choking on air. Sam takes hold of Dean’s shoulders and pats him while saying, “Hey, Dean. Dean. Dean.” Suddenly, Dean snaps out of it and let's out a harsh breath. Sam lets him go and rubs at his eyes. “You good?” Dean silently nods. Both of them tense, you tell them, “Both of you take a seat.” Immediately, they both sit down simultaneously. You give them water and walk over to the book on the table to try and find out anything that can to help kill Luther. You called Bobby to bounce ideas off of, but it was all just really difficult. The conversation cut short after you said, “If only there were a way to scare a ghost off.”

“Y/N, you’re a genius. Got to go.” He hung up. Sam suddenly gets a call, which ends quickly. He walks up to you to say, “I’m going to head out with Bobby. He thinks he’s found a way to beat this.”

“What is it?”

“Bobby’s not too sure yet, but I should get to him quickly.”

”Shouldn't I be helping?”

“I don’t think Dean should be alone.”

“We don’t need you there...I-I need you here.” You gave him a nod, and he headed out.

Dean comes out of the bathroom, and you tell him about Bobby and Sam. he responds with, “Great. Nothing left to do but wait here.” He gets a beer and sits on the couch. 

“They’ll be back soon.”

“You really are my babysitter aren’t you?”

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

“Cold?”

“No.”

“How abou-”

“Stop! Just...Go near the beds or something.”

“Fine if that makes you feel better.” You responded frankly. You decided to finish the additions to her journals. However, it didn't take long before you decided to keep researching in case Bobby and Sam don’t find a way. 

Suddenly, a large banging comes from the door, which makes you jump. You looked over to Dean, who seemed to just be freaking out. You motioned him to get back and to the other side of the room as you grabbed your gun, but he stayed frozen in place. You forcefully grabbed at him and moved him before you stopped right next to the edge of the door. With three more pounds from whoever, the door burst open. Your eyes land on the sheriff. You charge into his side, which knocks him against the door roughly giving him a head wound. However, the fear in his eyes gives him strength to gun whip your head three times with no mercy. You tumbled to the ground roughly. You shake your head as you see double, and your vision blanking in and out. Blood gushes out of your head, but you don't pay attention to it. You move forward unsteadily and almost aimlessly. 

Moving forward, Frank seems to be saying something, but you can't make out anything. You spent the time trying to get up and continuously fumbling. You watch as Al’s figure hits Dean. You lunge forward but don’t make it very far. You think about shooting but don't trust yourself. Dean is suffocating, and you just use all you have to move forward and grab onto Al. With the help of Dean, you both end up throwing Al onto the glass table. Your hearing comes back into focus, and you hear Dean say to Al, “You need to calm down.” Within a few seconds, Al starts to have a heart attack. You wobble your way over, but Al stops moving quickly. You check for Al’s pulse and state, “He’s dead.” You stand up a little too fast and almost fall over nothing. You shake your head. Dean’s eyes look right to your gushing head. With a bite to his lip, he states, “That’s a lot of blood.” He looks like he’ll pass out. Quickly, you cover your wound with your hands and walk over to get the first aid kit. You hear him breathing harshly.  You try to reassure with the words, “Dean, I know this is crazy, but let’s just breathe. In and out. In and out.” He listens and starts to breathe a little better. Carelessly, you wipe the blood as best as you can. You hear a whimper from him, followed by him uttering, “Oh God. I’m gonna die.” Without reviewing the damage to your head, you put on gauze and tape, so you could calm him down. You reach to hopefully put him into a pressurized hug; however, he doesn’t give you the chance as he paces around while saying, “I’m gonna die. Can’t go back-Hell-Their gonna get me!” You forget the hug as you think it’ll scare him more and just grab his hand. He squeezes hard enough to leave bruises. He starts having a conversation with himself, but you can't make sense of it. Suddenly, he shrivels into himself and holds his heart, which makes him let go of your hand and fall to the ground. You kneel down beside him. Although terrified, you calmly look him in the eyes and firmly says, “Dean, It’s okay. I’ve got you.” You start doing chest compression. You mutter, “Let's see how these chest compressions do against the supernatural.” 

Within seconds, his body stops moving, but you don't falter for a moment. Out of nowhere, he gasps out air. You stop and help him sit up. Out of breath, you manage to breath out the words, “Oh. Thank you.”  His expression reading dazed before it changes into some sort of relief, and he pulls you into a hug. You pat his back comfortingly. In a happy tone, he says, “I can't believe I’m alive.” He pulls away with a smile. You respond with a smile yourself and tell him, “Nice-Nice to see you smile again. You-” You stop speaking. You can’t seem to from the words. Then, you can't even keep yourself up, so your head begins dipping forward. He uses his arms to pull you into him. Confused, he asks, “Y/N?” He peels back your gauze to see the bloody mess. “Y/N?!” He lifts you in his arms, and he lays you on a bed. He rushed over to the first aid. Frantically searching for a needle and thread, he yells out, “Dammit!” After finding it, he does as best he can before he carefully takes hold of your body and tries to put you in the backseat comfortably.

Quickly, he speeds to the nearest hospital room, and they take you into the emergency room. For about an hour, he waits patiently; In that time, Sam calls him, and Dean answers with, “Yello.” Both of them let out a relieved sigh, and Sam responds, “You’re alive. Good.”

“Can’t keep me down.”

“Are you okay?”

“Relatively, yeah.”

“We’re at the warehouse.”

“I’ll be there after this.”

“After what?”

“I’m at the hospital.”

“Hospital?! You said you were-”

“I am fine. It’s Y/N. Which reminds me, I left our stuff back at the motel. You’ll need to get that.”

“How bad is it?”

“I don’t know. They passed out, but it might just look worse than it wa-” Dean sees the doctor and hangs up the phone. When the doctor goes up to Dean, they tell him, “They just needed a few stitches. I’d give them pain medication, but we-”

“No, it’s probably better if you don’t.”

“Okay. Well, you can see them now.” Dean pulls up next to you on the bed.  After 10 minutes, he sees you move more aggressively. He’s about to reach out for your arm when you jolted up panic ridden. Starting to hyperventilate, your eyes move around everywhere. Your breathing returns back to normal when Dean grabs onto your arms gently. He firmly says, “Everything is okay. Everything is okay.” Your vision focuses and meets his eyes. You relax in your seating position and weakly state, “You're alive. Good.” 

“Yeah. How’s the head?”

“I don’t know. Everything hurts right now...Are you okay?”

“Fine. No more sickness.” 

“Go-Good.” Your breath comes out harshly and in a shaky way. Dean hesitantly asks, “Why so upset? We got the job done.”

“All of the events of the last hour. I felt your heart stop and all this crazy stuff. It was just all wash over me. Sorry.”

“Sorry? What for?”

“Just-” He hugs you once more. In a whisper, he gently tells you, “Thank you...The past day, you’ve been taking care of me. I can’t complain. Thanks, Y/N for helping me...or whatever...” You hug him back while rubbing his back and reply, “You’re welcome, Dean.”

Hope your day got better

[bi-naesala]

A way to relax

Fandom: Yakuza Rating: T Warnings: / Relationships: Han Joon-gi/Zhao Tianyou Characters: Han Joon-gi, Zhao Tianyou, Kim Yeonsu Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Post-Canon, Domestic Fluff, Intimacy, Hair Washing Summary:

Zhao's stressed, and not just a little. Luckily for him, Han knows exactly what to do to help.

(Also on AO3)

From the moment that he’s stepped back into the apartment, Han could tell immediately that there’s something wrong with Zhao, even when the other’s still keeping his usual façade.

At first he decides to let him alone for a while, let him work through his bad mood on his own, but as dinner time approaches it’s obvious that, whatever got Zhao like this, it’s not going to disappear just by waiting for time to pass.

He has to do something.

He finds Zhao in the small living room, plopped down on the couch with his arms crossed over his chest, and a deep frown on his face. It seems that he hasn’t moved at all since the last time Han has seen him.

In another occasion, he would’ve joked about the fact that he looks like a statue, but he has the feeling that he would just worsen the situation if he does, so he keeps quiet.

What he does, instead, is sitting beside Zhao. Usually, as soon as he’d do that, Zhao would be all over him, and not necessarily for something… spicy, but even just to lean on him. This time, though, he remains still, almost like he hadn’t seen him…

Not knowing what he should say, Han decides to make a great show of clearing his throat. He has the confirmation that Zhao mustn’t have noticed him because he gets startled.

“Who the-- Ah! Fucking hell dude, you scared me,” he says in fact, finally looking at Han.

“I apologize, but you seemed to be lost in your thoughts…” Han observes, making Zhao scoff.

“So? You could’ve patted my shoulder or whatever.”

 This is going nowhere, Han thinks, but before he can say or do anything about it, Zhao sighs.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t be mad at you…” he mutters. An opening.

“It’s alright, though I am curious as to what has gotten you in such a bad mood,” Han replies.

At those words, Zhao slumps into the couch even more than he already was. “Seong-hui didn’t tell you?”

“Tell me what?”

“About the problems with my boys… Well, former boys I guess…”

Han shakes his head, which brings forth the umpteenth sigh from Zhao.

“Figures…” he mutters, more to himself than to Han however. “Maybe she thinks if I get involved instead of you, they’ll listen…”

It’s then that he realizes that this was a two-way conversation, and finally deigns Han of an explanation. “Some former Liumang aren’t too happy about the merge. They keep making impossible demands to Seong-hui, and then get mad when she refuses.”

“Do you think they’re preparing a rebellion?” Han asks, frowning. This could be bad.

Zhao shakes his head. “Nah. I mean, they’ll probably try something, but they’re too stupid not to get detected, or to actually get it done in the first place,” he says.

 There’s a moment of silence in which Han ponders about Zhao’s words.

A Liumang rebellion? Well, it was obvious that not everyone was going to accept the merge of Liumang and Geomijul, but to try anything while both their numbers are at their lowest feels like too much…

Should Han have to get involved directly? Crack open a few skulls and show these people that you don’t fuck with them?

 Before he can reach a conclusion, however, he hears Zhao chuckle, but it’s a bitter laugh.

“It’s not like they even want me back. I know these are the motherfuckers who are regretting not skipping town with Mabuchi,” he says.

“What makes you say that with such certainty?”

Zhao looks at him, and Han can hear him even though he’s not uttering a word. He’s asking him if he’s fucking dumb.

“C’mon, Han-chan, you don’t have to sugarcoat it. I was a bad leader, of course they wouldn’t want me.”

Han wants to reply that it’s not true, that just because he didn’t want to do it it didn’t mean that he did a bad job, but he knows that his words would fall into deaf ears. Besides, from the way Zhao’s sulking, it’s obvious that he wants to drop the subject and not talk about it possibly ever again - but they’ll have to, eventually - so he decides not to add anything, since he doesn’t want to have a fight.

 Still, he feels he has to do something, anything that could help him relax… Yes, that’s it! Zhao needs something relaxing that will help him forget this bad mood of his.

Han would offer to make dinner so that Zhao doesn’t have to - he’s always the one cooking - if only he wasn’t so bad in the kitchen. Truly, he’s only good at cutting vegetables.

A massage sounds good, or… Well, there is something else that Zhao loves indulging in from time to time.

 Han gets up, having decided what he’s going to do: he’s going to prepare him a bath.

  As he walks to the bathroom, he can’t help but to smile at the thought that, finally, neither of them have to stick to a certain schedule when it comes to stay clean, like they had to do when they were living at Survive Bar. Another advantage of sharing a flat with just the two of them.

Being alone still feels like a novelty, since it hasn’t been long since they’ve acquired this flat, shared primarily because rent is cheaper if it’s divided, and definitely not because of their need for privacy. Lots of love to everybody in their motley crew of misfits, but sometimes they’re a bit too… suffocating.

 Besides, it’s easier to let their guard down when it’s just the two of them, which is still quite hard, but they’re getting better at it. Some things just simply require a lot of work put into them.

  The bathtub is small, barely enough for one person, and definitely too small for two - they know it, they’ve tried it, and almost got stuck in the process.

It’s good enough: after all, this is for Zhao, not for him, except that it’s hard to shake what is practically a lifetime of serving people off so easily. Han wants to be good to Zhao, wants to please him, and in turn he’ll be pleased as well.

So maybe he would’ve liked to partake in what he’s preparing for Zhao… but for now it’ll do like this. Maybe once they get enough money to buy a bigger tub…

 He’ll think about that when - and if - the time comes. He shouldn’t get distracted.

He opens the waterflow and, as the bathtub begins to get filled, he rummages through the cabinets to find what he’s looking for… ah, there they are, the bath salts Zhao has bought last week!

Luckily, there’s still something left for this bath. Usually Zhao uses them for long relaxing baths, during which he also happens to smoke some weed - he says it enhances the feeling, though Han, not having tried it, can’t confirm nor deny the truth of this statement.

There are some instructions on the salts’ box about how much should be poured per gallon of water, but Han knows for a fact that Zhao doesn’t follow them, so he won’t either and pours the entirety of the box’s content inside the bathtub, since there was little enough for it not to be excessive. He hopes that Zhao won’t get mad at him for finishing the salts, but if he does he’ll offer to go buy them as soon as they’re done.

Soon a delicate smell of lavender begins spreading through the air. Han can see why Zhao’s so inclined towards these particular salts: even just the smell is relaxing.

Will it be enough though? Only one way to find out…

 Once the tub’s filled to an acceptable degree, Han turns off the tap and goes to find Zhao who, as he expected, is still on the couch, but at least this time he’s more present, because as Han approaches him, he looks up at him, sending him an interrogative gaze.

“I prepared you a bath,” Han says, without the need of mincing words.

Zhao clicks his tongue. “Didn’t figure you were my fucking servant, Han-chan”.

Despite wanting to roll his eyes at those words, Han doesn’t give Zhao the satisfaction of a reaction; if he wants an excuse to fight, he’ll have to look elsewhere.

What he does instead is grabbing Zhao by the hands and dragging him - or more like guiding him, since after the first few steps Zhao doesn’t oppose any more resistance - to the bathroom.

“You’ll love it,” he says then, trying encourage him to go along with this.

“Promises promises…” Zhao mutters in reply, and there’s a faint shadow of a smile on his lips that makes Han hopeful that yes, he will indeed love it.

 As soon as they step inside the bathroom, Zhao immediately catches the lavender smell, then he raises an eyebrow at Han.

“You got my salts?” he asks, and now the previous shadow of a smile has become more evident on his face.

“I might have, yes,” Han replies, curling his lips up as well, before gently taking Zhao’s glasses off and setting them over the sink. “Come on, now, strip.”

“So forceful, Han-chan~ What are you gonna do to me?” Zhao teases him, but he does as he said. Han could pretend not to be eating him with his eyes as he does it, but he doesn’t feel like lying at the moment. Still, he looks away as soon as Zhao turns his attention back to him, even though he’s pretty sure Zhao knows that, for a moment, he was having his undivided attention.

“Can I go in now? Or do you need to order me around some more?” Zhao jokes. The fact that he’s letting himself go to such levity is already a good sign.

“By all means,” Han replies, keeping his response in line with what Zhao’s said.

 Once he gets in, he gets quiet, sinking until his face is barely below the water as he closes his eyes, enjoying the sensation.

He’s always like this every time Han tires to do something romantic for him: at first he acts like he doesn’t want it, but once it happens, he greatly enjoys it. When he acts like this, it reminds Han of a cat.

“Oh yeah, that’s the stuff,” he groans, rising a bit from where he was sinking. “Really needed that.”

“I figured,” Han replies, matter-of-factly, as he gets behind Zhao, sitting on the tub’s edge. It isn’t very comfortable, but it’s the best Han can get at the moment; it’s fine, he’s had worse.

He silently gathers some water in his hands and uses it to get Zhao’s hair wet, making it quite obvious to the other what he wants to do.

“You don’t have to,” he tries to protest then, but it’s a weak attempt at best and they both know it.

“Let me do this for you,” Han insists, and this time Zhao doesn’t do anything at all, giving in entirely.

 Zhao’s hair routine isn’t that different from Han’s, though Han’s more than willing to go the extra steps needed to make his hair truly perfect, while Zhao’s more laid back about this kind of stuff - sure, appearance is important, but it’s also such a bother!

He gets Zhao’s shampoo - minty fresh - and pours some on his hands, then he begins to massage Zhao’s scalp, even going as far as to use some light scratches in places where he knows it’ll make Zhao melt - again, the image of a cat comes back to Han’s mind.

The more he keeps going, the more Zhao relaxes under his ministrations, sinking further and further inside the bathtub, to the point that Han has to softly ask him not to lower himself so much.

“Sorry,” Zhao mutters, barely able to stifle a yawn while he does so. He sounds tired - Han knows he must be - but at least he also sounds less stressed than he was before, so Han considers his mission as complete.

 Time passes. Neither of them try to feel the void of the silence that is stretching out second by second.

They never thought they’d get to have this, and even less having someone to share this with, this kind of domesticity that people like them - people who belong to the underworld of society - shouldn’t get to live through, but here they are.

One could ask themselves if they deserve this, or if it should be this good since they’re supposed to be hardened criminals, but neither Zhao nor Han are very passionate about philosophy, so they just take this small moment of intimacy that they’ve gotten to share with each other, they accept the occasion that has been given them.

 “You know… These salts really do smell good.”

Han has never been one for small talk, but during moments like this, it comes natural in a way that, if he thinks about it too hard, scares him.

Zhao’s chuckle, thankfully, is enough to distract him. “They do, don’t they? You should try it.”

“Perhaps next time…” Han concedes. He’s not one for this kind of stuff, but he’d lie if he said that the idea of trying it at least once doesn’t appeal to him…

“I’ll also give you the best massage you’ve ever had.”

… And if Zhao’s there too, then it’s even better.

 Even after he’s done washing Zhao’s hair, Han still keeps massaging his scalp, letting his fingers through the soft locks - they’re always oh so soft - and even untying some knots that had formed in the meantime.

“You’d be a great hairdresser,” Zhao says at some point.

“You think?” Han asks, amused. He never really thinks about what he would’ve been hadn’t he gotten involved with the criminal world, but Zhao’s endearing enough that he’s willing to hear him out.

“Of course. Aren’t your hair always so great? And when you do mine, it always feels nicer and softer than it ever was,” Zhao continues, before chuckling. “You might even be able to fix Kasuga-kun’s hair…”

“I don’t know if I’m that good…” Han replies, serious at first, like he’s truly considering the idea, but soon both he and Zhao share a laugh, sure that Ichiban won’t mind if they make fun of him; it’s all in good spirit after all, and you don’t need a great haircut to be a great man.

“Since we’re talking jobs, I assume you’d choose cook?” Han asks then, going back to their previous subject.

“Think so,” Zhao replies. “Streamer would be fine, but I like cooking too much not to go with that.”

“Thank god for that,” Han says, making Zhao turn towards him, accusatory.

“Why? You think I’d be a shitty streamer? Wouldn’t I be entertaining enough?”

“It’s not that. I just really enjoy your cooking and I wouldn’t want to let it go.”

Zhao glares at Han for a moment, studying his face, but soon he turns back around. “Flatterer,” he mutters, but it’s obvious that he’s happy to hear that.

 “Anyway…” he says then. “Water’s starting to get cold. I should get out.”

Han nods, and finally he can get up, even though almost the entirety of his lower body is numb. He still manages to get Zhao his bathrobe, and to take the towel he left previously on the sink, which he uses to dry Zhao’s hair, while he puts the bathrobe on, trying to move as gently as possible.

This time, Zhao doesn’t even try to protest, which Han is grateful for, also because he hasn’t stopped before and he wasn’t going to do it now.

 Even though he needs to raise himself on his tiptoes in order to do it - just a bit though - he leans to give a kiss to Zhao’s forehead.

“Better?” he asks, then, still drying Zhao’s hair.

Zhao nods, sincerely, then he leans forwards, pressing his lips against Han’s in a chaste kiss.

“Thank you, and sorry for being an ass earlier,” he mutters.

Han smiles and shakes his head. “As long as you’re fine now…”

 They kiss again, and when they pull away it’s Zhao’s time to grab Han by the hands and take him somewhere, specifically to the kitchen, uncaring about his state of dressing, or lack of thereof.

“C’mon let me treat you to something special!”

“Something special? And what could that be?” Han asks. As if everything Zhao makes isn’t special already.

“It’s a surprise~” the other chuckles, and Han can’t help but to smile, seeing him like this.

This has to be his favorite version of Zhao, he finds himself thinking: as long as he’s happy, he’s happy as well.

[pink-wasteland]

Screenshot: Adrienette that’s borderline crack in the best way (Teen&up)

It was a nightmare. He hadn’t meant to leave his phone unattended, Alya had asked him a question and when he put his phone down to give her his full attention, Nino had picked it up to check the time and instead was greeted with a private Instagram account Adrien had created with the specific purpose to lurk in peace.

“No way, dude. Do you just stalk a bunch of Ladybug look alikes in your spare time?”

Adrien gaped, too horrified to process his world falling apart around him.

“Wow, look at this one, she looks almost exactly like ladybug!”

“Let me see!” Alya sounded too eager.

He’d never admit it, but there were more than just a few girls on his private Instagram that looked “exactly like” ladybug. And no, it wasn’t just a uncanny accident.

But the account his friend happened to stumble on was his favorite, a well off Russian Instagram model who’s handle was Steelix.

She could pass for a perfect Ladybug, if not for her brown eyes. She was perfect in almost every way, and posted great *ahem* material. Ladybug was the fantasy girl of his dreams and anybody that looked liked her was at risk of being followed and stalked by his private finsta page.

His private page he was privately ashamed of.

That his best friend was now holding up to show his own girlfriend, and the girl Adrien quietly, sort-of had a crush on. This really was his worst nightmare. He tried to snatch the phone from Nino but to no avail. “It’s just some girl. I like her photography.”

“Yeah sure that’s why you liked all her recent pictures and wrote in the comments ‘omg’ with a heart face, a drooling face, and two fire emojis.”

Adrien was red in the face, his mouth gone completely dry not knowing what to say.

“Wow Adrien, these are the kind of girls you like?” Alya asked.

Adrien glanced toward Marinette, and the look on her face was perfectly surprised. Ironically, her face was one of the ones he lives to see grace the screen of his dirty private Insta. Marinette had great Ladybug features right down to the freckles on her nose. The only bad thing was Marinette rarely posted any selfies at all, and although her account was an interesting documentary of her handmade fashions, it did not serve the dirty purpose his fake account had followed her for.

“So what?” He finally grabbed the phone from Nino and was getting back some of his composure, although his face was still deeply flushed.

“Oh no reason.” Alya’s smile was wicked, and it made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

——__ __——__ __

Marinette ponders what she just witnessed while Alya blabs in her ear. She wasn’t holding the phone, but it sure looked like he was following a lot of slim girls with shoulder length black hair. If she didn’t know any better she would think he would have a type... And he certainly did nothing to dissuade that idea. He turned beet red and made some dumb excuse about photography. And that girl.. the one whose photo he had commented on, Marinette knew her. Well, she had previously followed her. Steelix has such a similar face structure to her own that she had been a phenomenal teacher of makeup to Marinette. She knew all the right things to use and what products would work on her just by watching what Steelix recommended. She had loved following her for her beauty content, but when her account started becoming more of a travel diary with pictures of her on island beaches in bikinis with inspirational quotes covering the captions, Marinette had to find other places to search for helpful information.

All of these thoughts were making her wonder about Adrien, and the things she had neglected to notice about him.

“If Adrien likes shorter, dark haired girls than why doesn’t he comment on my selfies like that?”

“Umm interrupt me, much?”

Oops, she didn’t mean to say that outloud.

“But maybe because you never post any, especially not to insta.”

Marinette thought about this. It was true she used her IG story to post updates on her Latest creations, and her grid was very much like a well thought out catalog. She was very proud of that page, but it was definitely not the place where she’d be posting cute sundress selfies.

“I use my Snapchat for personal stuff like that.”

“Exactly. And I bet you haven’t even given Adrian your snap.”

Marinette frowned, stealing a glance at the boys table. “No, I guess I haven’t.”

“Well what are you doing sitting here talking to me for? Go get his snap and start using it for evil!”

---_ _ _---_ _ _---

“Hey Adrian! Wait up!”

Adrian was more nervous than he should have been when his friend approached, but he kept the feeling off his face. “Hey Marinette! What’s up?”

She stopped right in front of him, “I was just thinking about earlier, how you have a private instagram account.”

Adrians stomach dropped. Had she figured him out? Did she know he was using her and girls that looked like her to quiet his drowning ache for Ladybug? He was so ashamed of himself. He was weak, so desperately weak.

“And it just got me thinking that I’ve known you so long and we don’t even have each others snaps.”

“I’m so- wait, what?”

“Snapchat. We don’t even have eachother added. So, want to be friends?” Marinette held out her phone, snap code ready for him to scan, her happy little pigtailed Bitmoji smiling up at him.

Something warm ticked his belly. “Yeah, definitely.” He pulled out his phone and added her to his seldom used snap account.

——__ __——__ __

He has to add her on his old account, the one with the list of contacts from kids that once gave him their number. There really isn’t that many.

Adrien finds out quickly that Marinette posts her selfies on snap, and keeps her instagram clean and more professional. Very smart for a girl who is looking to go to college next fall. He clicks on her daily story; a picture of her in her bedroom mirror, a picture of fresh croissants and danish, a picture of Alya, Rose and some other girls at her lunch table, and then finally a selfie. A picture taken from straight above, she was lying down in her bed, light pink and white pajamas that looked like they may have a ribbed texture to them. He could see the edge of the selfie stick she was using to get such a wide angle, the idea that she had planned this sleepy in bed photo turned him on more than he could have ever dreamed. He could see the tops of her exposed thighs where her matching pj shorts abruptly ended. Her lean, exposed belly led up to the cropped short sleeve tshirt, that was so on-trend and so Marinette that he had no doubt she’d made it for herself.

Best of all, her blue eyes stared right back at him through the camera and her lips were puckered just right.

It was as he was getting himself all worked up thinking about the blue of her gaze, easing his own back down her body when he realized something else; she wasn’t wearing a bra. And the way she had arched her back to show off the muscles of her stomach only made it more obvious; and Adrian couldn’t believe he didn’t notice them before. Tiny peaks hidden behind soft pink fabric. He was going to lose his mind.

His heart was beating faster and he swallowed back guilt as he unzipped his pants. Her body was amazing, and he was insanely greatful she left this on infinite. He worked himself till climax thinking about what her nipples must look like beneath that thin pajama top, and what it might feel like to taste them. He kept working himself, more gently, thinking about that face, those lips and those eyes and how bad he wanted her to swallow him. Who? Marinette or Ladybug? Honestly in that moment he didn’t feel like he was using her pictures as a ladybug substitute. He cleaned off his phone and thought seriously if he should use his tablet to take a picture of the screen just so Marinette wouldn’t know he screenshoted her. Another, dirtier part of him wants her to know. Wants to comment on her pictures like he’s some random thirsty nobody. Tell her how she makes him sweat, how he can’t get enough. He wants to use his private page to stalk her, too.

Damn sometimes the lines get too confusing.

He sits there, weighing his options. This picture was too good for him to let go. But he didn’t want to look like he was chasing after Marinette’s thirst traps when he knew he was still just a dirty pervert for Ladybug. Adrien felt like screen recording would be even more creepy than a screenshot, and almost made him feel like he was coping out, being a chump. But if he did screenshot her what would Marinette say? Would she ignore it? Would he be sad if she did?

Adrien shook off his intrusive thoughts and screenshotted his new favorite photo. And for good measure; and maybe so he could feel like he was making a move instead of just drooling over his classmate; he sent “wow” with an emoji it took him way too long to choose. Stuck between the drooling or hot emoji he finally got fed up with himself tapped his screen and sent it off without letting himself immediately get anxious. He made a decision, over analyzing himself won’t help anything. Now he just had to wait for Marinette to respond.

And then he could freak out again.

——————————-

A/N: a work in progress, can someone help me come up with their snap handles? I don’t like the ones I have right now. Adriens is supposed to read as (BeAgreste= be•our•guest). I dunno! I’m not good with puns it’s the best I could do! Please help me!