#so I feel the need to say that I'm not trying to hate on anyone and I'm glad CCs had fun
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someone requested for this but i deleted the draft bc it was sooo bad😭anon this is for you🫰


popular girl nayeon x jock fem reader
summary: nayeon denies her feelings for you, but has feelings of jealousy after seeing a bunch of girls swarming over you over the team's latest victory. this leads to her cornering you in your locker room and making you hers🙂↕️
cw: smut, kinda dubcon? at first, biting, nayeon kinda talking to herself during the sex scene (this is what good pussy does to you😔)
You always thought Nayeon hated you. Every time your name came up, she'd scoff — flipping her hair and muttering something about "dumb jocks" under her breath. She barely even looked at you unless she was rolling her eyes...
But that didn't explain why she always showed up to your games.
Or why her sharp brown eyes never left you the whole match — following every movement, every flex of muscle under your jersey, every time you bit your lip and ducked your head when the crowd cheered for you.
Tonight's victory feels good — but not as good as the way everyone swarms around you after. You're still flushed from the game, head ducked low as girls crowd close — giggling, touching your arms, calling you so cool, so hot, the best player.
You don't know how to handle the attention — just smiling shyly, mumbling soft thank yous under your breath — trying not to let anyone notice how red your ears are.
But what you don't see is Nayeon watching from across the bleachers — the way her jaw clenches, fingers tightening around her drink until the plastic cup threatens to split in half😬
When you slip away to the empty locker room, you're grateful for the quiet — tugging off your jersey, trying to cool down. But the second the door slams shut behind you, you know you're not alone..
Nayeon’s perfume fills the locker room — sweet and expensive — wrapping around you before you even see her. You freeze when the door slams shut behind her.
The click of her heels echoes through the empty space — slow, deliberate — until she’s standing close enough that you can feel the heat of her body at your back.
"You really like having all those girls on you, huh?" Her voice is low, mocking — but there's something sharp underneath it. "N-No... I didn't—"
"You didn't stop them, either." Her fingers trail down your bare arm — light, teasing — making you shiver. You let them flirt with you... let them put their hands all over you..." Her fingers grip your chin — tilting your head back so you're forced to meet her eyes.
"But the whole time, you were waiting for me to come and put you in your place." Her other hand slips down — nails scratching lightly over your bare stomach — before dipping under the waistband of your shorts. Her fingers dip lower — pressing exactly where you need her — making you choke on a soft little moan.
The lockers dig into your back as she works you open — two fingers sliding deep, curling just right — like she already knows your body better than you do.
Every whimper, every little twitch just makes her smirk harder — leaning in to press hot, open-mouthed kisses down your neck, before biting down on your pulse point, making you gasp.
You're already close — hips grinding against her fingers, breath hitching with every slow drag — but she stops just before you can fall apart. Her hand tightens around your throat, pinning you in place.
"Say you're mine." Your head spins — tears pricking at the corners of your eyes — but you don't even hesitate.
"I'm yours…"
Nayeon yanks her fingers out of you, leaving you trembling against the lockers — breath shallow, thighs clenching around nothing.
You barely have time to whimper before she's grabbing your wrist, pulling you over to the cold wooden bench in the middle of the room. "Sit."
Her voice is sharp, leaving no room for arguing — not that you'd ever dream of disobeying her.
Your legs feel like jelly as you sink onto her lap, thighs straddling hers, knees pressing into the hard wood on either side.
Her hands slide down your hips — nails digging in just enough to make you shiver. "You wanna act all shy and sweet out there…" she murmurs, leaning in close — breath hot against your ear. "But you're such a needy little thing when you're alone, aren't you?"
You bite your lip, cheeks burning — but she doesn't let you hide. Her fingers tilt your chin up — forcing you to look her in the eyes.
"Don't get all shy on me now, baby." She shifts underneath you — pressing her thigh between your legs — and you gasp at the pressure, hips jerking before you can stop yourself.
"Oh… there she is." Her smirk is pure sin — dark and lazy — as she grips your hips harder, guiding you into a slow grind against her thigh.
"That's it…" Her lips brush against your jaw, soft and teasing. "You're gonna make such a mess on me, baby."
She makes you work for it — keeping her hands tight on your waist, forcing you to grind slow and steady until you're soaking through your shorts, leaving a wet patch on her jeans. "Look at you," she coos, one hand sliding up to wrap lightly around your throat.
"So desperate… just like I knew you'd be."
#urno1luv#twice x fem reader#twice x reader#twice smut#twice scenarios#nayeon x reader#nayeon twice#nayeon x fem reader#nayeon smut#kpop scenarios#kpop smut#girl group x female reader#girl group smut
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How I Draw: PART 1
Hello, this is Zeyheri. While I was happily drawing, I suddenly realized, "Oh no, the new school term is coming! Once I start going to school, it'll be hard to draw! And my promise to share how I draw will be delayed so much!!! (I'm doomed!)“
...So, even though I haven't finished my drawing yet, I thought I should at least upload a post to prevent my trust from shattering into pieces.
I’ve noticed that authors always include words of gratitude in their book prefaces (so I’ll imitate them!). I sincerely thank the two people who’ve helped me a lot in writing this post and who will continue to help with many questions in the future. I also love all the users who constantly take an interest in my drawings!
As you probably know, I’m not a professional illustrator. The only formal art training I’ve had was at an art academy in elementary school! So, it’s probably not a great idea to expect to learn much from my writing. However, anyone can enjoy drawing even without formal training. "The act of appreciating art" is an even more accessible field to enjoy. If you read this and felt intrigued or inspired to try something experimental, then that is exactly the purpose of this post, and I will be happy.
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(1) Tools & Programs
I use three programs to draw: PaintTool SAI2 / Corel Paintshop Pro / Corel Painter. Oh, I almost forgot-The tools I use are the love-hate Surface Pro 8 and the Huion Kamvas Pro 16 (4k).
-Rough sketching, inking, base coloring, adding shadows, and initial corrections: PaintTool SAI2
-Adding paintbrush effects: Corel Painter
-Other corrections: Corel Paintshop Pro
(*If you're wondering why I don't use Clip Studio, it's because my beloved Surface laptop might die from it! "Then how do you use Corel Painter?" you ask? The moment I open Painter, lag starts, and the fan goes crazy. If you value your laptop's lifespan, take my advice and avoid it!)
In fact, about 70% of the process happens in SAI. So, in this post, you’ll only see me using PaintTool SAI2.
(2) Rough Sketch & Line Art


Rather than creating a detailed rough sketch, I prefer to draw lines while adding rough sketches when needed. The first image is proof of that! For me, the rough sketch stage is less of "the first step in drawing" and more of "getting the atmosphere right."
For the lines, I use the SAI pencil, adjusting the brush density to around 75-85. Other than that, it’s probably set to the default settings, at least as far as I remember. (It's Korean, but I believe you can understand what it means by location)
If you look at my line art, you might notice faint shadows sometimes. This isn’t because I adjust the brush density; I adjust the layer opacity instead.
(2-1) Drawing Hair
Now, one of you asked me a question: "How do you draw hair?" I’ve created a simple resource to explain!
As always, there are exceptions, but when I draw hair, I tend to make the shapes angular. This way, the hair looks solid, almost like stiff RNA strands.
After that, I add lines following the flow of the hair, giving it a fuller look. I usually add these lines when I’m refining the inking stage.
Sometimes, if I’m feeling it. I add thin strands of hair around the edges to give it a more "hair-like" appearance.
(2-2) Drawing Eyes & Coloring
There was also a question about how to draw eyes. I’m not the type to add sparkling glitter for a glamorous look, so my approach is very simple.
In the picture, I’ve divided it into several steps, but honestly, it’s a very quick process. Start by shaping a hexagon and keep adding multiply layers while coloring. The key point is in the 6th step, where you cover the entire eye with a light pink multiply layer. Doing this creates a much more eerie, painful, and melancholic look! (I was really excited when I first discovered this! Yay!)
(3) Coloring
Now it's time to add color. Typically, I would choose colors that fall within the left square area, but if a highly saturated color seems more fitting, I use colors from the right square area. If you ask me why I choose these colors, I'm not sure. I just feel like I like low chroma colors.
Be thorough in coloring, and once you're done, apply textures lightly to finish it off. (You’re asking what texture I use? Well, since I’m not a texture creator, I don’t think it’s appropriate to talk about it publicly. But if you send me a private message, I’ll answer you secretly. I think it was over $30.)
While coloring, using an Overlay layer to test can help when adjusting the color tone later on.
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Thank you for reading. Please look forward to our next post as well! Feel free to let me know if there are any awkward expressions or anything you would like me to add to the content of this article!
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Hermione doesn't break rules openly, because she knows that having the aura of following rules means that when someone starts looking at the trio for who was responsible for all the laws broken, she will be written off on principle. She knows that being the responsible one gives her protection, and it gives all of them an escape route should things go badly.
I have always held it as a survival tactic. It's Hermione knowing that nobody even notices the quiet, polite, bookworm in the corner who just keeps her nose down and always turns in her work, with extra credit, perfectly complete a day early at least. The magical world is a dangerous place, she doesn't know anyone there at the start, and the people she does know have made clear to her on observation that even for those the magical world doesn't hate on sight, there's not much of a guarantee of help coming much less help that can do much of anything in the face of some of the opposition. She needs to fade into the background, because being in the spotlight is a target, and if she is going to take the spotlight, it needs to be for something positive like her academic work where she can still be written off as 'one of the good ones'.
And... it works. First year Hermione can walk up to multiple professors and say 'It's my fault, I read about trolls and thought I could stop it before it hurt anyone, they were just helping me' and every last one of them just nods and says 'yes, that seems perfectly plausible, good job boys, perhaps we don't do that again Hermione'. Second year Hermione already knows how to brew multiple NEWT level highly controlled potions and can steal the ingredients to make them, brew the potions in broad daylight, and turn up into the hospital wing when one goes wrong looking like a were-cat, and it raises no questions. The assumption is that she was just trying to work ahead and made a mistake, it absolutely wouldn't be that she stole ingredients to knock students unconscious and stick them into a closet so her friends could break into another house's common room while impersonating them. We see the pattern time and time again.
Hermione doesn't openly break rules, so her teachers, her peers even, don't look at her when a rule is broken, and more than that, if something goes wrong in the pursuit of breaking rules, she can bullshit her way out of it with little more than a 'oops, I was just really excited to try something new I learned and it went a little wrong, I'm sorry' and the problem goes away. And that's exactly why she feels confident she can get away with putting Rita in a jar, or stealing books from Dumbledore's office after sixth year, or any number of other things. Because she already has gotten away with things like that, and quite frankly, even if she does get caught, all she has to do is say 'I'm sorry, I was just really interested in some new reading material and didn't think he would mind since it was to help Harry...' and McGonagall will ignore it, or 'She broke the law, look, unregistered animagus! I was just trying to be responsible and help, especially with all the bad things happening around the tournament, you don't think she might have something to do with that, do you?' and everyone will just say 'ah yes, Hermione was just trying to enforce the rules and got a little overzealous, this is why we're going to make you a prefect. Maybe we need to put a little more thought into how we do that next time, okay? In the magical world, we tell an adult these things, instead of just jumping straight to trying to catch the perpetrator ourselves.'.
(I also think this is why Dumbledore is so confident in just saying 'two turns, you can save them both, have fun kids' and knowing she will know what he means. He has a rather similar understanding that appearances will always matter more than actions when it comes to consequences, even if I don't always agree as much with the actions he chooses to use appearances to cover over, and I think he recognizes that in her as well.)
i love how hermione has such a rule following aura that everyone ignores that she is the real rule breaker of the trio. harry sneaks out at night sometimes. hermione straight up kidnapped a whole woman and held her prisoner in an enchanted jar. even tom riddle didn't do that.
#hermione granger#harry potter#harry potter headcanon#hp headcanon#hp meta#I stand by my (probably should have been in jail by now at least a few times over but it's fine) wife
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Semi rant
So I wanted to talk about how I've seen alot of ppl labeling cirrus now hold your pitch forks cause I know some will say well you like prapai so not shocking you will be okay with this. Well first off I know that alot of ppl place their disdain on cirrus or someone like prapai because they hate the person who even made these characters. And a lot of ppl already have their preconceptions regarding mame. And it's one thing to be critical about her shows, but then, on the other side, I see just about balant disrespect. Cause their is seemingly always this constant policing moralitly of her shows. So if their is a "bad" character, suddenly you are now a bad person for writing this and trying to sway the audience, or you're a bad person for just watching the show! And that's why it's easy for some ppl to hate cirrus or prapai, but to focus on cir he is a character that is shaped by his trauma which was very intense and very insane psychologically physically and emotional abuse from his mother. And in doing so was abandoned by his father who basically chose his brother over him he was sheltered heavily in all aspects of his life from his mother. She made it very clear to him that his life is not his to begin with never has and will be. It's no wonder why he would have such deep fear of his loved ones being harmed he wouldn't want anyone to get mixed up in the life that he hates so much for himself. But yet some people will think that this all shouldn't shape his personality in any way and how he chooses to conduct himself. When really this should be very understanding as to why he is acting the way that he is. It's as if cir needs to be just a black and white person no grayness at all to him. Cir doesn't know what love is and yet people kind of expect him to go about it in a non on problematic way. Him stalking phu is a big issue and trauma shouldn't excuse someone's bad behavior true. But the way I teach some people talk about him it's like as if they are just labeling him to just being a soccer and that is it. It's as if your saying that the victims who have traumatic situations and any accessible abuse need to be a quote unquote perfect victim. We're seeing him literally operating on the very little knowledge he has about love he doesn't know much all he knows is that he deeply loves and it's really committed to poo. And he is doing everything in his power to protect who from his abuser he's not free yet from his abusers control. But yet he's supposed to have his all figured out on his own and be what what I feel like some of y'all want and that is for him to be morally correct. Victims of trauma do not owe anyone a representation let alone a perfect one that you already have built up in your head. And authors or creators if we're being honest do not owe you the allowance to disrespect them either for what they write. It's easy to move reality from fiction and media but I know at the same time some people really just don't care enough to do so or actually understand it all so. But look cir is a very sad and tragic character he's a victim of abuse still in that cycle of abuse and he fell in love yet doesn't know how to go about that in a way that is healthy. I'm not saying that you have to say that his stalking is now in the back of the mind because no. I feel like just understanding him and being attacked empathetic would be more nicer instead of just saying that he's a stalker and that is all to him as a character.
Again we've been down this road with prapai and sky because prapai "stalked" sky. When if we go back to how their story started Pai from the jump we have been shown is a player and i think some forget that when they first met. He goes to these races to obviously participate but he also picks up people to hook up with so when he saw sky that day to him it was nothing out of the ordinary. It's just the interaction of how sky and pai met and their interactions afterwards that give people the reason to label him as a "stalker". When in actuality prapai saw that there was more to sky than what he was showing and telling. Prapai grew such concern and worry for sky's well-being when he started to looked into his eyes he can tell that there was something really wrong and even though he didn't know he didn't and couldn't ignore it, it was really weighing on his mind something he constantly asked allowed when he's by himself and when he has found his arms that day when using care from he was sick he just wanted to know what happened. And I honestly think he would have really been regretful if he didn't stick around as long as he did to be there for sky. And yeah sky saw it as him being annoying. But we also saw Sky very much so fighting with the feeling of actually believing that someone liks him this much just showing him so much care and concern but he also tried not to let it get so much into his head. But because of prapai's patience and his actions lining up behind his words it led to him and sky having a very strong respectful relationship.
#the boy next world#the boy next world the series#love in the air the series#love in the air series#love in the air#mame#prapaisky#cirrus tbnw
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people will be like i hate taash because they're sooo immature, unlike my babygirl pookie bear emmrich 😍 who told on them to his boss 🫡 because they called him a skull fucker death mage 😤 which is not nice 😡 and hurt his feelings 😢 he is 55 🥵
#i'm not saying emmrich isn't right to be irritated#but they're both being dicks in that scene#like how many times does taash need to say they don't like necromancy before he stops talking about it to them?#if i was to be as uncharitable as taash haters are i'd say he's doing it on purpose to upset them#and then when they've finally had enough and lash he's like 'omg calm down it's not that serious'#which is obviously not what's happening but anyone can be interpreted as an immature asshole if you choose to read them that way#not emmrich hate btw it's just the example i see cited most often#taash is in their early-mid 20s according to trick weekes and the way ya'll try to make me feel weird for romancing a character who's my age#by insisting they must be a teenager because of shit like this#while simultaneously crying that people are calling emmrich old is so lame and dumb#and is clearly founded in a beautiful misogyny/ableist combo because of their autistic traits#anyway rant over i just get annoyed#not about anyone in particular which i feel the need to say so i don't wake up to hate posts about me again
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me @ ken rn
#tetro danganronpa pink#blakewords#feeling like that one shellshocked shinji gif#peeps keep saying 'omfg what if hes already dead' NO. he is not jfc#no way there's no sign of him for more than 1.5 days 😭😭#'oh well at least without kamimura he'll have more screentime by himself and a chance to bond with others!' they said#my man without kamimura is a non-entity he doesn't gaf#'oh at least we'll see who he is when he's not in kamimura's shadow!' they said#my man is nothing and no one 😭😭 MY MAN IS THE TYPE IS TO HAVE 1 FRIEND and be like aight im good for life#he doesn't gaf about these other mofos who even are they 😭 he doesn't know them like who tf#my man is the type to know people casually for years and only say like 3 sentences to them during that time#'dont reduce ken to just kamimura' they said#HE doesn't care about anyone else but kamimura bruh...kamimura was the only one he truly liked bruhhh noooo#i need to see him i'm tweaking#ok just so yknow I didn't mean that ken is an apathetic prick that hates everyone and wishes they'd go to hell#obviously he cares about the others and their well-being he's a kind person#I meant that he doesn't care to try to form any interpersonal connections with any of them. Hes just not very interested#either that or it's just so hard for him that he doesn't want to try#there's a reason I kept yapping on and on about what he and kamimura had being easy soo many times#its not just the depression and grief when he's been like that since the beginning#This is not supposed to be a judgement or a criticism upon him lol I know who he is and I love him for it#not everyone can be a social butterfly#I'll be pleasantly surprised if he does manage to connect to someone else with the cast dwindling even further in chap 5
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Am I being an idiot
#How effective can a therapist I'm attracted to be#I think I'm doing both of us a disservice#Cause I hate the idea of making myself seem pathetic in front of such a hot woman#But I also don't really wanna find anyone else#I think therapy is the wrong place to try being a loverboy and yet#But I also can't just like#Drop her#It's obviously POSSIBLE#But I'd hate to just abandon her with no explanation#But what the absolute fuck am I supposed to say to her#Hey I have feelings for you so I can't be seen by you anymore#That's EMBARRASSING#But idk if I'm really getting what I need by being seen by someone I'm into and want to impress#How can I be a wet Lil meow meow in front of a cute ass lesbian#Chat tell me I'm being dumb#But she also offered to read my writing and I want lesbians to read it!!!!!#I can't get that with a hettie#I want her thoughts on my story#I am so incredibly conflicted lmao
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my last week, a visual demonstration
#Robin processes emotions on main#hi yes I came back early. it's in order to process. I needed to like.... spill my guts on the dashboard tonight#IM STRUGGLING..#I have GOT to get a job#just one (1) more visit to a friend this summer and then I will be APPLYING for things again#also I'm having the very devil of a time trying to get myself to contribute to this household. I hate it#I hate that helping out makes me feel like I'm losing my agency—losing myself—like I'm dying every time. I want to be BETTER than this#but I also need to feel like an adult with agency but also I need to BEHAVE like an adult but even just saying that makes me feel nauseous#I need. something. to change. I hate this. I feel selfish and cowardly and I hate feeling selfish and cowardly#I need to . communicate. work something out with my mother so that I stop feeling perpetually behind and ashamed#if I could manage to feel good about chores and not just like I'm scrambling to keep up..... that would..... be... more... motivational#the problem is that I feel unsafe/unstable right now and my instinctive response is to close myself off to all demands#WHICH AS YOU CAN IMAGINE IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO BECOMING MORE STABLE.#demand avoidance makes me bad at contributing to the household AND terrified of applying to jobs and AUGH... AUGH.#I DO BETTER WHEN I LIVE ON MY OWN#living on my own‚ I don't have to deal with the whole soul-crushing horrorshow of negotiating my own emotions about doing chores#chores are GOOD and ENJOYABLE when they're for ME. they're only psychological torture when they're things I do as part of my ''rent''#ok. bedtime. I've sufficiently spilled my dang guts all over the place. it will get better eventually I think#I'm just having a horrible time Right Now#I'll figure this out though dangit#I KNOW the answer is to just Do the stuff and face fears and communicate and whatever I KNOW. but if anyone tells me that I'm going to bite#ok I'm done thank you and sorry to anyone reading this far <3 it really will be all right
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god give me the strength 🫠🫠🫠
#coworker is pissing me off and HAS BEEN pissing me off#i'm really trying to avoid conflict here bc i hate conflict but it just means i try to avoid her lol#bc i don't want to have anger/annoyance stewing inside of me so i don't want to hear what she has to say#which ultimately is just..... talking shit about coworkers#but i don't WANT TO avoid her bc i do like her le voglio bene but jesus christ#things aren’t great at work but she's taking the problems we have as an opportunity to say others can't do things can't tutor can't blabla#and like. i don't mean to be mean but to me it seems like she wants to feel superior for once. bc she's never been one of the “best” in the#office for lack of a better word. like she's always had limitations. which i've never seen anyone hold against her#but it was still clear to me she didn't feel good about it. about others being better at some things than her. and i GET IT#but it doesn't mean now that there are problems in general you take the chance to blame your coworkers ???#it just leaves a very bad taste in my mouth. what do you gain from that? feeling superior bc you can say other people fuck up too?#(which is debatable anyway; i don't think she's right in who she blames. i don't think there's ONE thing/part of the process to blame#there's many factors and reducing it all to “these people who do x thing aren't doing it well” is reductive when the office has been going#through lots of changes and there's new people and just. a lot of things that can and clearly have impacted the quality of our work)#sorry for the rant. i needed to get this out before work actually starts 😭😭
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#gonna be controversial for a sec#i'm glad that scene was deleted#it doesn't fit the tone of what was happening with henren#and like#i know hen has a little bit of big sister energy when it comes to Buck#and that she and karen egg each other on in their busybody tendencies#so I'm not saying it doesn't make any sense for this to happen....#i'm just saying I'm glad it's not canon#idk this scene was very “trying to be cute and give 118 family feels” but it didn't really work for me#no hate for anyone who did like it#but frankly I'd rather see Hen talk directly to Buck about his coming out#than see Hen corner a former coworker she doesn't seem to particularly like about his “intentions” with a grown man#(also the audience woobifies Buck enough. they really don't need hen and karen's help)
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"His brown is short and but wavey and pretty and he has eyes." I'm such a good writer
#god i hate writing the first drafts#revising and editing is so much better#but in the words of the famous writer whose name i can't remember that my writing teacher quoted in her letter to me from years ago#“you can always edit a bad page. you can't edit a blank page”#i think she understood that one of my greatest writing weaknesses is that i struggle to put the words on paper#that i need a boost to get the words from my head down into the world#i have no problem coming up with ideas and lore and backstory and worldbuilding#i have no problem editing and revising bad work#i can write a whole fully fleshed out character#compete with a real personality backstory family relationships physical description likes and dislikes etc in seconds#i can rewrite entire bits of lore to correct and fill plotholes with no effort and it be perfectly in line with everything else#but what i struggle most to do is put those ideas down in any way let alone in a way other people can comprehend#hell half the time i can't tell what i was trying to say and can only figure it out because i know myself and i know how i write#first drafts are so hard for that reason but it makes them the most important#because once the ideas are out of my head in any kind of comprehensible way i can make use of all my other skills#and turn it into a fantastic story#it's just so hard for me to get the ideas out of my head and onto paper#another issue is that i can let ideas marinate for months or even years in my head and remember them with perfect clarity#but as soon as i write them down they fully leave my head#i have no knowledge of what was there before even if it was something i had thought about for years#so i wait to write them until they're fully fleshed out in my head#but as soon as i start writing them down i forget the details#i wonder if i should pick a different hobby#i love writing and i'm good at it but it's so so so hard for so many reasons and some of them feel insurmountable#god i am so sorry for anyone clicking on the tags and being faced with all this#probably thinking “ah small statement like usual” and then being punched in the nose with a few of my writing insecurities#lol whoops
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Watching this session feels like so much of a chore compared to the others. Really stressful. Like the premise is kinda cute and all but I'm just not having a good time. And no one is able to accomplish anything all session because the gimmick is so intrusive. This whole season needed better power scaling I think, especially this session. I have only watched Scar and Gem so far. I will probably watch Grian and Lizzie too. But after that I think I gotta be done today.
#not maintagging for obvious reasons#I see a lot of ppl criticizing things get a lot of hate too#so I feel the need to say that I'm not trying to hate on anyone and I'm glad CCs had fun#but this is just#not for me#hopefully next session is better.#smooziespeaks
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on the one hand, i really like working on the script for this video essay. on the other hand, it feels like im just being super negative and and a hater towards the entire toh fandom because they like making their dolls kiss
#im not trying to intentionally bash ships? but I also very rarely care about ships so#im worried this is just gonna come off as “ughhhh I hate fandom because theyre' always shipping stuff and I hate shipping”#which like. thats a little true but I actually do wanna talk about things yk#like why is this ship popular? why is this ship loved/hated by the fandom?#i dont know#like i spent 3 pages tearing into goldric for being boring and only existing bc people love snarky teen mlm#which is like. its true but also feels unecessarily harsh lmao#i dont knowwwwwwwwwwwww#i need more people to bounce ideas off of maybe#bc i am not super involved in the shipping side of fandoms#ive chatted w/ some people but mmmmmmm#idk. im definetly gonna ask if anyone wants to beta read my script but only once I actually. finish it#currently im like. maybe 3/8 of the way through it#lilac post#idk. feel free to talk 2 e about it in the replies of this post or smthn bc I loveeeee this topic#it's also like. The issue of. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing#like someone's gonna come in here and he like “why are you being such a hater we're all just playing around and having fun leave us alone”#I'm not trying to bash any ships!!!#im just trying to be like okay here's what the ship#it's difficult to say what I'm doing#because it's partially A. Documenting of toh fandom and shipping culture#and B. Social commentary about that culture#which is kind of like. A weird balancing act#and it comes back to how much of what I'm complaining about actually matters?#At what point does it turn from thoughtful commentary to me bitching about the general fandom as a whole?#It's kind of difficult to explain what I'm even doing which is mmmmmm#Like does this actually matter?#then again. People make videos about stupid internet drama all the time and that definitely doesn't matter so#maybe I can be self indulgent and a bit of a hater#sigh
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day three. no one noticed.
#personal#isolation time lol#at least kinda#if you're reading this scroll away i wanna ramble#i feel unwanted in this group#none of my interests are the same as theirs#they're all so much cooler than me#i can't do anything#everytime i try to talk i get interrupted#or no one cares about what I'm saying#this is why i just need to stay silent#people cant hate me if i dont say anything#I'm so tired#i just want friends who want my company#i want real life friends so i can see people#and maybe hug people#I have been thinking about how good a hug would feel#or even how good it would feel to pet an animal#except i have no friends in this state#i need to leave#either this state or this plane of existence#anyways#I'm just gonna wait#see if anyone notices that I've disappeared from that area
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MADOKA - “I’m thinking I’ll order a beef udon bowl, since Sayaka-chan told me that they make those really good here. What about you, Homura-chan?”
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - Food needs can be met with an expenditure of 1.23% of total magic. Proceed?
GRIEF SYNDROME [Trivial: Success] - MAGICAL GIRLS THAT IGNORE FOOD ARE OFTEN MORE PRONE TO GRIEF ACCUMULATION. MY ARMS WILL ALWAYS BE WAITING FOR YOU, HOMURA, BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO BE HAPPY UNTIL THAT DAY. BESIDES, MADOKA WANTS TO EAT WITH YOU. DISAPPOINTING HER WILL FILL YOUR SOUL GEM WITH A HALF A GRIEF SEED WORTH OF DESPAIR.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN [Legendary: Success] - Sayaka says the beef bowl is good? Maybe go for that. She knows Madoka’s tastes better than anyone — and if Madoka likes something, you will certainly like it too.
“I will have the same as you, Madoka.”
“I’m not feeling very hungry.”
[CALL AND RESPONSE - Medium 10] Come up with an order on your own
CALL AND RESPONSE - [Medium: Failure] - You’ve eaten here before, you’re pretty sure. Was it Loop 32… no, Loop 12..? No, wait, it was on the first Friday of Loop 68. No… that’s not right. You’ve never eaten here before. In a stunning display of incompetence, you have taken Madoka on a date to a restaurant that you have never experienced before.
THE ANGEL - It’s okay, Homura-chan! I don’t mind if you haven’t eaten here before. Remember what real me said, Sayaka thinks this place is good! And even if it’s not perfect, that’s okay, just spending time with you makes me happy.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Sayaka has raised her blade against Madoka 16 times before. You should leave this restaurant and kill her. It would only take-
FALLING SAND [Trivial: Success] - 1528 seconds on average.
CONSERVATION OF ENERGY - It can be cut down to 1243 seconds with an expenditure of 2.7% of total magic pool.
THE CRAVEN MASSES - Exactly. Do it in front of her family and make it bloody. Kyoko would likely try and stop you, but even she isn’t immune to bullets. And if Mami comes for revenge, well, you know the exact words you could say that would destroy her, don’t you?
THE ANGEL - A-Ah, I think that’s a bit of an extreme reaction, Homura-chan!
HUMAN SHELL - Your heart rate is increasing. Stop that. You have absolute control over your flesh. Act like it.
MOE INSTINCT - AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT ARE WE GOING TO ORDER MADOKA IS GOING TO LAUGH AT US
WITCH’S NIGHT - Is… is this a trap? Walpurgis may be defeated, but you know that the stage witch never truly ceases its show. Perhaps this restaurant is a part of the stage?
MADOKA - “Um, are you okay, Homura-chan?”
MOE INSTINCT - OH GOD SHE HATES US
“I’m going to kill myself.”
“I’m so sorry. Would killing myself make you feel more comfortable?”
Isn’t there anything else you can say?
YOU - Isn’t there anything else you can say?
THE DEVIL - Come on, Homura. It’s high time you do it. Really, this is just another in the long, long chain of failures that make up your life. The only way to fix it is to kill yourself.
CLOCKWORK PRECISION - Target: Located on right ring finger. Target is not moving. Chance to hit: High. Plan: Retrieve pistol. Aim pistol at ring. Pull trigger.
THE ANGEL - Oh my god, please do not do that!
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
There. There has to be better options than this.
YOU - There. There has to be better options than this.
MOE INSTINCT - I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE. THE ONLY RECOURSE IS IMMEDIATE SUICIDE. THAT’S THE ONLY WAY MADOKA WILL LOVE YOU AGAIN.
"I am going to kill myself."
"I'm so sorry, I'll kill myself if it makes you feel better."
"I'm so sorry. Should I kill myself?"
YOU - “I’m going to kill myself.”
MADOKA - Madoka’s face twists, her eyebrows raising slightly in shock. Whatever response she was expecting, it was clearly not this.
GRIEF SYNDROME [Challenging: Success] - IF MADOKA WAS A MAGICAL GIRL, HER SOUL GEM WOULD FILL BY A QUARTER HEARING YOU SPEAK THOSE WORDS. THAT WAS CRUEL, HOMURA.
MOE INSTINCT - WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?
MADOKA - “I’m so sorry, Homura-chan. Please don’t do that. I… I really care about you and so does everyone else.” Madoka’s eyes fill with tears as she speaks. She hugs you.
DAMAGED MORALE -4
CALL AND RESPONSE [Trivial: Success] - Quick, tell her you were making an edgy joke that didn’t land. You’ve gotten away with that before, you’re pretty sure.
SPACE-TIME MASSACRE - Twelve quarter shifts left and two up from your current space-time position, and there’s a Japan that it’s actually illegal to not commit suicide in.
FALLING SAND - You’ve been seated for 5 minutes and 32.5 seconds already and still have not ordered. Mami has requested your presence at her apartment in 3.4 hours from now.
TEA WITH MAMI-SAN - She wants to help you find a hobby. She’s really worried about you, you know.
STRINGS OF FATE - You can feel Madoka’s heart beat in sync with yours as she holds you. Everything will be alright, as long as you follow the beat.
THE ANGEL - Yeah! It’s okay Homura-chan. Just explain what’s been going on and Madoka will understand. And then order something, it’s important to eat a full meal!
YOU - “Ah, sorry Madoka. I was… overwhelmed with choice, and my… brain spit out the first thing it thought. I am not planning on killing myself.”
MADOKA - “Um, I think we should probably talk about this more, Homura-chan….”
CALL AND RESPONSE - Ask her a question to change the topic. It’s worked in three different loops, it should work here.
RATIONALITY COMPLEX [Trival: Success] - Ask her if she wants to try anything else and then order that for yourself. This will accomplish your goal of deciding on what to order, as well as showing Madoka that her desires are important to you.
YOU - “Is there anything else you’d like to try, Madoka? We can share our dishes.”
MADOKA - “Uh, okay Homura-chan. Maybe get some tempura?”
Order 10000 yen worth of tempura
Order 1000 yen worth of tempura
Order 100 yen worth of tempura
YOU - “Excuse me waiter, give me 10000 yen worth of tempura.”
HUMAN SHELL - Calories and magic are just two different types of fuel. Feed me and control me.
THE ANGEL - T-that’s probably too much, Homura-chan. Maybe you can sneak some into your cool shield, though!
MADOKA - Madoka doesn’t say anything, but her eyes do bulge out slightly. She gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder and smiles at you.
HEALED MORALE +1
RATIONALITY COMPLEX - Displays of wealth like this can broadcast value to potential mates. This will increase your value in Madoka’s eyes, furthering along one of your goals.
THE ANGEL - I think you should just focus on enjoying the food, Homura-chan. Take a break, everything is okay.
Thank you.
Why don’t you hate me?
YOU - Why don’t you hate me?
THE ANGEL - Because I care about you, Homura-chan! And besides, you hate yourself far too much already.
Thank you.
THE ANGEL - You’re welcome! Now, please, enjoy your meal with real Madoka. She loves you a lot too, you know.
#disco elysium#pmmm#madoka magica#yellowed pages#this took an unfortunate amount of my day dhdhdh wrote most of this in between running to do pointless chores
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