#so I didn't include it even if it's like. part of the thesis of the story

[archliches]

everything immediately proceeding and following the part of "the last days of judas iscariot" where judas spits in jesus' face, btw. if you even care.

[queer-reader-07]

you know what i think really gets me as a good omens fan who also grew up catholic? the very human approach it takes to morality.

i can’t speak for every denomination of christianity, but i can speak to catholicism. i grew up in the church, i went to catholic school, i was confirmed for fuck’s sake. i know the catholic church. the ways in which it eats away at your self esteem. the ways in which it makes you feel like you are a terrible person because you’ve sinned in one way or another. the way you’re taught the concept of original sin as though it isn’t deeply unsettling to believe that all humans are born corrupt. you’re taught that you were born tainted by satan, you as a baby you as a child you who doesn’t even know your place in this world yet. you are sinful because you are human.

there is no room for shades of grey in catholicism. you have either sinned or you haven’t. you are either good or you are bad. you are either going to heaven or you are cursed to damnation. (yeah yeah purgatory and all that but if i’m being honest the diocese i was a part of never really talked about it)

we all know the church is corrupt. every catholic knows that, but whether or not we ever admitted it to ourselves and accepted it as truth is another story. you cannot deny the staggering statistics regarding catholic priests assaulting and molesting children. you cannot deny the financial corruption that has been present in the institution for centuries. but you can ignore it. you can ignore it and pretend like the church is perfect and good because if you allow yourself to admit it’s issues, you admit that maybe your entire world view is flawed. that maybe the idea of morality as being black and white is wrong.

that's what i grew up with. with these contradictory beliefs. these adults in power telling me i was inherently sinful because i was human while also being told that God loves me. that God will save me from myself. so i grew up thinking someone else could fix me. because if i was inherently bad i couldn't fix myself.

but of course, the truth is, i don't need fixing. i'm not broken or bad. i'm human.

when aziraphale described adam as "human incarnate" i got EXTREMELY emotional. because to be human incarnate is to be not good or bad. it's to just be. be whoever it is you are. make the best choices you can. will they all be perfect? of course not. but will you be trying your damndest? yes.

good omens is a breath of fresh air for me and my religious trauma because the thesis of the story is that black and white thinking is unproductive at best and actively harmful at worst. you cannot live a fulfilling life while also believing there is only Bad and Good, and that Bad and Good are inherent.

good omens is a comfort because it reminds me in more ways than one that i'm worthy of love. i'm worthy of life. i don't have to be perfect, far from it. i'm allowed to be messy and make mistakes, but none of that means i don't deserve to be here. none of that means i'm a Bad Person. i'm just, A Person.

i'm trying. i've always tried. tried to love the best i can, tried to be the best person i can be, tried to live my life to the fullest, tried to cultivate joy for myself.

my brain is a mess. and 15 years, give or take, of being fully immersed in the catholic church (including 7 years of catholic school) definitely didn't help. i am still riddled with catholic guilt and toxic mental frameworks because of the time i spent in the church.

but good omens helps me work through it just that little bit more. it's there in its corner of my heart saying "hey. you're human. you're not Bad or Good, you're You. and you're trying."

it's... comforting. yeah, i think that's the right word.

[mayasaura]

sorry if this has been answered before or if there's a post about this, but I've been seeing a lot of posts labeling harrow as schizophrenic and/or having trouble recognizing reality, including the one you just made about crux as harrow's caretaker and reality-indicator.

I realize that these interpretations come from htn, but I'm curious as why people feel that it's always been a trait of harrow's instead of a side effect of the lobotomy?

I was under the impression that she created the reality problems as an excuse to cover the blocks in her memory, especially since we know that wake/the sleeper didn't possess her until after gtn and most of her confusion happens in the river bubble.

even the "hallucinations" of the body don't really impact her perception of reality, and it's actually alecto's soul not a real hallucination. the only questionable moment I can remember is when she sees cytheria under the bed and ianthe says there's nothing there, but we know ianthe is a duplicitous legend so I read it as ianthe lying to harrow lol

long story short, I was wondering if there was scenes in gtn, ntn, or post-realization htn that indicate harrow has had these reality problems pre-lobotomy? or if you know of a post analyzing it further? sorry to throw this at you, I just haven't seen any analysis of it but I saw your post so I was hoping you would have more info :) I really adore all of your tlt analysis posts!

Hi! Yeah, if you go into my '#harrow's schizophrenia' tag, I've made several posts about it, and other people have added on to a few of them with further elaboration.

But I don't think I've ever laid it out fully like a thesis. And I have several stressful things I should be doing right now, so I can't think of a better time to get into it.

When Harrow's brain is editing Gideon out, there's an effect a little like a record skip. Her memory snags on something, very briefly, and then quickly moves on. Or she'll make an assumption or say something that doesn't actually make sense without Gideon in the picture, but she won't notice. The most prominent example is the details in chapter 3 surrounding her opening of the Tomb:

Just ellipsis "found out" ellipsis to skim over the very large part Gideon had to play in those events. If she were to interrogate the memory, it would be strange that she doesn't remember how her parents found out, but doing so would make her brain bleed. She would black out, and most likely forget what she was trying to remember.

And an example from the same chapter of a statement that doesn't make sense, unless you know about Gideon:

Two things are important about these examples, the first being that they don't upset Harrow. She doesn't think they're strange, because she barely thinks about them, which was sort of the point of the lobotomy in the first place. The second is that they can be immediately explained by plugging Gideon into the Gideon-shaped hole in Harrow's memory. If you know about Gideon, and what Harrow's done, there's no mystery remaining.

In contrast, there are other details in chapter 3 about Harrow's childhood that Harrow did, and does, find strange and upsetting.

Gideon didn't attend services, and she most definitely didn't participate in chants. Putting Gideon back in the picture does nothing to explain the "weird, thuddering beat" Harrow finds disruptive. But it does sound an awful lot like an auditory hallucination, as does hearing doors open and close where no doors were opening and closing.

Maybe we could try to explain the doors by supposing she was hearing Gideon coming and going without remembering the source, but that doesn't really track with how we know her mind processes the missing pieces. If Harrow were papering Gideon over in her memory, it wouldn't be important who was or wasn't opening doors and where. The focus of her memory would quickly shift, just like it did when trying to remember how her parents found out about the Tomb, in order to avoid looking at what she's hidden from herself.

Then there's the next paragraph:

Again, plugging Gideon into this memory does nothing to explain it. Even if Gideon had been in the habit of sneaking up behind Harrow and attempting to choke her out—which, yikes—Harrow has already seamlessly blocked out the memory of one attempted strangulation. Then there are the phantom ropes she sees, her parents' method of suicide haunting her.

The forgetting where she was, losing time, and false memories do seem at first glance like they could be explained by the lobotomy, seeing as that is sort of the whole purpose and effect. But I'm pretty sure even these are real memories. Again, because of the focus of her attention. She's remembering having forgotten, while the lobotomy make her forget to remember.

Then there's Harrow's overall behavior. Her reactions to her hallucinations, especially in the River bubble, which imply that not all of this is new to her. She isn't shocked, or caught off-guard. She has coping mechanisms. She's figured out what evidence she can probably rely on to rule out hallucinations, and what's more likely to be suspect. A lobotomy, even a necromantic lobotomy, doesn't come with built-in tools for coping with its effects. Her memory of her past without Gideon in it is fractured and incomplete, not an entirely new life story with new life lessons.

Finally, from Nona the Ninth, some evidence that Harrow's problems with reality definitely predate the lobotomy:

Crux remembers them.

[meelkiewee]

Hello!

As a first post i wanted to share my favourite bubbies and since tumblr seems more text oriented than the other socials I have, I'd like to explain what was going on in my head while doing their character redesigns~ [BOOKS SPOILERS MENTIONED]

INTRODUCTION

These character designs were made back in winter 2022 for a sort of animation thesis. Many things didn't go according to plan in that school year so for lack of time and motivation I've never really finished the animatic but I will include a wip at the end of this post. The animatic was about my interpretation of their story, finding a person to call home while in a crude and terrible world.

XIE LIAN

Xie Lian is the first of the two I made, his character design was very clear in my mind since the start. It's not largely distant from your official usual XL but I thought it already fitted very well.

The three main colors for XL are white, black and golden yellow. The prevalence of black and white colors was inspired by two main factors:

I personally see XL as a heavily dichotomy based character, not only in the association to the White Clothed Calamity but also in the way he's described as pretty as a flower but skillful with the sword, following a chaste path but mingling with a ghost king, all kind smiles to others but struggling with his own hope, etcetera, etcetera. He is in a constant struggle to find a third option that is better than simply bad or good, mostly in his early God's days, and also later on with ‘not knowing whether to laugh or cry’. So in here, black and white represent the reality of human nature, where you have bad and good qualities alike, a concept I think XL struggled with a lot since he was brought up as the perfect and pure prince that can do no wrong.

According to my research of the meaning behind colors in the chinese culture I discovered black and white can symbolize many things, some of which I found quite fitting for where I wanted to go with my character design. Black can stand for sadness and bad luck. White represents brightness, purity and innocence. In some instances, however, white is also associated with death and is a color commonly worn at funerals. Moreover in my own culture black and white, along with deep blue, are very elegant colors to wear. Simple and elegant is what my XL wants to look like.

Another important part of my XL character design is his bamboo hat.

Following some good old christian imagery I used his hat as an halo. Most of the time I even ignored perspective to make sure his head is always framed in this golden saintly circle In my animatic storyline specifically it represents XL perfection. Soon the hat is lost in the mud and brought back later on by HC with a new meaning of finding yourself in a safe environment with safe people. 

For most of the other design choices I took decisions based on pure aesthetics such as giving him a very elegant mole under the eye, very long and lucious hair and a very very long hanfu with some very very long sleeves. Yes, I wanted him to be very very everything because I very very love him!

Here are some other very very outfits i drew him in for fun and didn’t need for the animatic:

_____________________________________

HUA CHENG

As a premise to my HC character design I want to say I am very amused at people’s different reactions to it. They are usually neatly split in two: either they hate it with a passion or just fall head over heels in love with it, no in between. I personally am in the ‘love it’ side (duh of course I am, I designed it lol) but I also understand if your first thought is “WHO TF IS THAT?”, so let me explain my thought process here.

Firstly, hot take: official HC character is made to be your perfect cool-hot-mysterious-boyfriend™ that has it more together than you do and we don’t like that in this household, at least not always. Yes he is XL’s most devoted believer, yes he is a very powerful supreme, yes he’s always there for his Gege but in the end he’s also a very traumatized person that has had a crush for a guy for 800+ years.

What I’m saying is I wanted him to be a little more relatable and goofy than what books show us so I integrated some of his personality hidden away in E’Ming. From here I got the puffy messy hair, the big round eye and the doubtful expression.

Next up let’s talk about the palette. He also has, like XL, three main colors:

Blue. Mostly of the time he spends around XL he does it in his true form, wich is the form of a dead person (even dead more than once;;). This is pretty self explanatory, when someone dies the hue of their skin goes to blue and also ghosts in general are frequently represented pale blue or white in color. As a little side note to this, I really enjoyed the blue demons HuaLian episode in donghua S2, it made me feel less alone in my smurf choice lol.

Red. This is canonically HC’s color and rightfully so! Red is widely recognized as China's color of good fortune, and in my culture, it is frequently used as a symbol of passion and the color of blood. There is really nothing better than red for Mr. Crimson Rain!

Lilac. Although I'm not sure about my research on this color in Chinese culture, I've read that it modernly represents love or romance. However, growing up in my hometown, purple (and all its shades) was always associated with ugliness and was thought to be a bad omen if worn. Whoever had the nerve to wear it was regarded as a distasteful and ominous weirdo. I think it fitted perfectly with how every other Heaven Official other than XL sees HC; someone who makes blood rain for fun and a potential and actual threat to the Heavenly Court.

As for XL, other choices I made serve a mostly aesthetic purpose. HC’s boxy build, pointy ears and the opened robe to see tiddies(🤩) are some of the notable ones.

HC would not be complete without E’Ming, obviously. After comparing some different blades and trying to integrate a butterfly in the design, I opted for keeping it simple and I ended up with this wobbly shaped hilt made to resemble HC’s bang. The fact that now E’Ming looks like it has a big nose is just an added charm honestly.

CONCLUSION

Thanks for reading until this point I hope you enjoyed my yap and make sure to have a nice day/night! <33

I'll leave the link to my animatic wip here, please note once again that it is not finished in the slightes and there are also some funky expressions that don't really fit the mood lol enjoyyy!

-Sole

[paper-gold-theories]

Villainous Theory: Flug and Miss Heed's Relationship (and Other Stuff) Based on Flug's Journal Notes

Making this theory and analysis based on compiling all the interactions and hints in Episode 6, Flug's notes on Miss Heed in Flug's Journal, some hints in Shrunken Rescue, and a photo posted by Alan on twitter.

(Super long theory, will definitely compress it into smaller parts and add on some parts I didn’t include and use this for reference 😅)

————

(Dr. Flug's log)

Personal notes about "MISS HEED":

Cecilia Amanda Kelly, this is how I met her for the first time.

Cecilia and I met at Black Hat Institution, I remembered we were both studying evil science. Back then it didn't used to be as popular as it is now.

At that time I was very suspicious, my classmates and other students in the Institute were deplorable villains who sought to make me suffer for various reasons, either because it was for homework or for pure pleasure. So when she approached me it took me a while not to think it was with some evil intent. But after awhile, I don't know how she managed it, but we struck up a friendly relationship. I guess it was because, somehow, at that time we were both "weirdos".

————

(Image 1) estudiando ciencias (evil science): The first class photo of the evil science class that Flug and Miss Heed are taking.

(Image 2) Así que cuando se me acercó me (when she approached me): Miss Heed and Flug's first official interaction.

(Image 3) Supongo que era porque, de algún modo, en ese momento los dos éramos unos "bichos raros". (I guess it was because, somehow, at that time we were both "weirdos".): Flug and Miss Heed bonding.

____

Flug said he and Miss Heed were both studying evil science. My guess is that the students in (Image 1) photo are in the evil science class, as they were also the same students as shown in the (Image 2) in the class Flug and Miss Heed are in.

Miss Heed, being obsessed with being popular and loved, probably didn't show any interest in approaching Flug before Flug was developing his thesis, because he was unpopular (This was confirmed as Flug mentions in the second paragraph above that he was considered a weirdo amongst others and students often approach him deplorable reasons like for homework or to bully him)

So, (Image 1) probably shows Flug's indirect interaction with Miss Heed, where the evil science students were taking a class photo which shows even before being a hero she always has the desire to be the centre of attention no matter how it inconveniences and affects other people. This also probably gave her a bad first impression on her classmates and cemented her as an attention seeking weirdo. (This is confirmed, when the mace haired girl in their science class picture in (Image 1) that Miss Heed ruined probably had a grudge for Miss Heed ruining the photo (or had some more negative interactions with her off screen) was glaring daggers at Miss Heed at (Image 3).)

As mentioned earlier, Flug probably knows Miss Heed exists and is in the same class as him because of that "photo taking stunt in (Image 1), but probably never interacted before this. So in the evil science class in (Image 2) was probably their first interaction.

Flug mentions he was suspicious of Miss Heed when she first approached him because his classmates and students often approach him for evil intentions, either for homework or to make them suffer for their own amusement.

(As shown in (Image 20) This suspicion ended up being proven right because Miss Heed had ulterior motives to steal Flug's thesis to manipulate people's emotions to become popular which probably drove her to become persistent getting Flug to trust her and befriend her so that she can steal his thesis when he drops his guard around her once it's done.)

Flug mentions in paragraph 2 that he was not sure how, Miss Heed did they ended being friends. His guess was probably because both of them are considered weirdos amongst their peers. I theorised means Miss Heed was able to gain Flug's trust and befriend him despite his suspicions because both their eccentric personalities and quirks just clicked and just bounced off each other well. So I feel like although Miss Heed still has ulterior motives, she ended up genuinely liking Flug because of this reason and Flug probably feels the same way. As you can see in (Image 3) both of them bonding by wearing Halloween costumes and acting quirky and not caring how they appear to others.

Cecilia was never very apt at evil science, I remember asking her several times why she was taking that class, but she would just tell me that she wanted to be able to develop something special that would make the world see that she was special too. Somehow she managed to inspire me and that's when I started to personally teach her everything I knew about evil science.

I remember it was difficult to get her to concentrate, she was a very lazy student and easily angered when things didn't go right the first time, but after a lot of effort I taught her enough so that she could become the second best in the class.

(Images 4,5,6,7)

enseñarle personalmente todo lo que sabía de ciencia malvada (personality teach her everything I knew about evil science)

en la segunda mejor de la clase (second best in class):

These 4 images show Miss Heed's origins in Black Hat Institution's evil science class, Flug's formula and how it led to the creation of her perfume.

(Image 8) difícil que se concentrara (difficult to get her to concentrate)

(Image 9) alumna muy floja (very lazy student)

(Image 10) se enojaba con facilidad (easily angered):

These images are examples of Miss Heed's personality traits, as mentioned above.

----

Flug made a thesis in high school on "manipulating the limbic system through external means and its effect on human emotional response and affection" as shown in (Image 5) using serotonin (C₁₀H₁₂N₂O) as shown in (Image 4) in his stolen notes.

Despite Miss Heed's inaptness in evil science, Flug mentions her goal to "create something special so that people would see she is special" inspired him to teach her everything he knows and as a result she was able to become second best in evil science class was able to understand Flug's thesis on after she stole the it from him hence enabling her to modify it to make people fall in love with her.

I believe the reason why Flug was inspired to teach her is because he also has the same desire to be recognised and acknowledged by people for his hard work and genius, which is why he craves for BlackHat's approval.

This also may be another reason why they were able to fall for each other: because they relate to each other.

In (Image 7) the formula was said to be temporary because it came from an incomplete formula, meaning that Miss Heed stole it while Flug was still working on it, showing her impatient nature, probably thinking that 'she got what she wanted, no need for the formula to be complete’, not knowing this will bite her in the ass later on, when she needed Flug.

(Another possible reason is because the serotonin she produced was in low quality, hence Flug was needed to refine her self esteem in (Image 6) to produce better serotonin for her formula)

Flug mentions that Miss Heed has a difficult time concentrating. An example of that can be seen in (Image 8), during the end of the Episode 6 Miss Heed was trying to convince Flug to give her attention and get her out of the hero rehabilitation facility but she kept getting distracted by her vengeful nature of wanting GoldHeart to come after Flug for making her lose her popularity and her obsession for GoldHeart, hoping that he comes for her as well.

Flug says that she is a lazy student. An example of this can be seen in (Image 9) where instead of trying to improve on her own self-esteem (Image 6) by herself (or maybe getting a therapist to help her) to perfect her formula, she instead takes the more difficult route of mind controlling a group of scientists to do it for her.

Flug says that she is easily angered when things don't go right the first time. An example of her anger is shown in (Image 10) when she was infuriated and snapped at 5.0.5. for looking at an old photo of her. I think the reason might be because she doesn't want people to see her pre-hero look because she is insecure and hates her old appearance which people will most likely judge her for and also another reason might be because later on when she thought Flug wanted a photo with her, she says that she will give him one for 100 (dollars?, gifted subs? maybe), so she might be upset of 5.0.5. getting a photo of her for free.

Or when she got angry and shoves Flug into a vat of her formula (which might have side effects) for making her do something to lose her popularity, which shows she does love Flug, but she loves being popular even more.

————

One day she texted me at midnight, crying, telling me she needed help. I snuck out of my dorm in area B of the Institute, managed to sneak past the night guards, and made my way to her dorm in area C. She was at a window crying and I sat down with her and we talked, after a while she told me that me being there made her feel better.

However, this began to be a recurring event, that would happen at least 3 times a week, she would text me to come over and her mood would change radically every time I did. I asked her many times why she only wanted to complain to me instead of implementing any of the solutions I suggested but she just gave me the plane*, not literally, otherwise I would have been very happy.

(*Note: "gave me the plane" (daba el avión), is a Mexican expression meaning to ignore someone)

(Image 11) escabullirme de los guardias (sneak past the guards): Flug, wears a guard uniform when he sees Miss Heed, meaning he probably sneaked past the guards to see her, like he did during their academy days.

(Image 12) cada que llegaba cambiaba su humor radicalmente (her mood changes radically every time I arrived): Miss Heed's mood changes from suffering withdrawal from the lack of attention to happiness as she exclaimed "Kenny! It's you! You came to see me!". She probably had the same response in school when she was asking for attention from Flug to satisfy her attention seeking obsession. Her text sounded very sad and she appeared very sad before she saw Flug her mood change to happy.

Miss Heed is known for her fake persona and acting, so it's definitely a high possibility that she was faking being sad at school to get Flug to come to her and give her attention.

When Flug risked himself getting caught and punished by the guards at school (BlackHat Institute is an evil school, so they probably have some horrible punishments for those breaking the rules), it probably made her feel "loved" and enabled her attention seeking obsession and she additionally developed some feelings for him when he endangers himself just to see her and make her feel better.

(Image 13) diciéndome que necesitaba ayuda (telling me she needed help): Miss Heed tries to get Flug to help her. Flug appears to pity or feel sorry for her possibly both for her self destructive attention seeking behaviour and the situation she is currently in.

(Image 14, 15) le pregunté por que buscaba sólo lamentarse conmigo en vez de implementar alguna de las soluciones qu�� le sugería, pero creo que solo me daba el avión (I asked her many times why she only wanted to complain to me instead of implementing any of the solutions I suggested but she just gave me the plane): Flug tries to offer Miss Heed advice but she ignores it says she just wants attention. This happens again before Flug leaves saying that she needs to love herself but she ignores him and wants him to love her.

(Image 16) yo estuviera ahí la hizo sentir mejor (me being there made her feel better): In school Flug sat down and talked to Miss Heed and afterwards she said to Flug that him being there made her "feel better". "Feel better" probably means to satisfy her desire for attention. In a similar situation in the rehab centre, Miss Heed is shown to "feel better" after she starts to talk about her GoldHeart obsession and Flug looks like he's seen it all before.

----

When Flug met up with Cecilia in the hero rehabilitation facility, he probably had flashbacks in his BlackHat Institute days when he met up with her. How he would sneak past the guards and keep coming to her when she needed help and her mood changing radically every time he came to see her and to offer her advice, but she ignored it because in reality she was just "crying wolf" to get attention from him.

The look he gave her in (Image 16) was like "Yeah not this time".

Before Flug left, Flug tried to give her one last piece of advice: that she needed to love herself first (meaning no matter how many people or how much others love you, she will never be truly happy until she loves herself) but yet again she ignores Flug and just begs for his love and attention.

It gives off a vibe that like the boy who cried wolf ending, that when she really needed help, the person who she calls for help, Flug doesn't believe her and that no matter how much you try to help a person they cannot be helped unless they are willing to help themselves first.

————

One day without warning Cecilia didn't show up for class, for the next few days she didn't show up either. I waited for her where we usually read in the central courtyard for several days, but she didn't show up. Coincidentally, it was also the day I discovered that progress on the thesis that I was working on had been stolen by another student who had a rivalry with me.

(Image 17)

la tesis que estaba desarrollando (the thesis I was working on): Flug was frantically looking for his incomplete thesis he was still developing that was stolen by Miss Heed

robados por otro estudiante que tenía rivalidad conmigo (stolen by another student who had a rivalry with me): Flug thought a rival student had stolen his thesis when it was actually Miss Heed, perhaps he thought it was the jock in the helmet, thinking that he must have taken it as the jock wasn't around Flug when he last had his theis and was there when he realised it was missing.

The student also appeared in (Image 1) in Flug's evil science photo and in (Image 2) in evil science class which appears to be enthusiastically poking on a dead squid/octopus (thing?) showing his enthusiasm for class and evil science, similar to Flug, so maybe he is Flug's rival.

----

My guess is after Miss Heed stole Flug's thesis, she probably didn't go to evil science class afterwards, realizing that now she had what she wanted and she can become a popular and beloved hero that even GoldHeart will love. (He won't, as shown in Episode 6 she was still trying obsessively to make GoldHeart love her.)

Miss Heed is also shown to be obsessively looking at GoldHeart being cheered on by a crowd with the words on the screen translating to "GoldHeart our saviour" showing her obsession for him and her desire to be a hero to be loved and popular.

As shown earlier in (Image 4) Miss Heed had a Hero Monthly Magazine with GoldHeart on the cover, indicating she was long obsessed with him before that.

————

It is common to hear that students disappear inside the institute for various reasons, either because they went to some forbidden place, fell into a trap, ate something bad in the cafeteria, got into a fight, or simply did not pass the exam of a very strict teacher.

After Miss Heed stole Flug's thesis and suddenly left the school without a word, poor Flug really thought she might have died (from the reasons stated above) and genuinely was mourning and missed his friend after she was gone, from the way he was looking at the only photo he has with them together. He probably kept her head band as a way to remember her.

He is also seen writing a new thesis from the draft notes he had left after she stole it from him which enables him to create the foul flower.

————

Then, one day that I still remember very well, an emptiness and intense pain flooded me when I saw Cecilia on the TV in my dorm room in the news where she appeared next to my old enemy, Goldheart, who was naming her as the new member of his heroic league. "The Golden Rule".

Miss Heed and Flug were the same age and she became a member of "The Golden Rule" when Flug was still in Black Hat Institute as you can see he's still in uniform. So that means "The Golden Rule" was also formed around the time while Flug was in high school.

The searing pain Flug felt when he sees Miss Heed siding with his Arch-Enemy was enough for him to break out of Miss Heed's mind control.

Flug probably still had some feelings for Miss Heed, as he still kept the headband after she disappeared without a trace (and thought maybe she died), but probably discarded the item and decided to do his best to forget and get over her after seeing the news.

He succeeded having forget her as he didn’t remember who Miss Heed was until BlackHat brought up “The Golden Rule” and realised she was in GoldHeart’s team in (Image 23) and genuinely wondered if it was really Cecilia he was seeing again in (Image 20).

But despite that I think he still has some care for her as you can see him feeling some heart ache when he looked at an old photo in (Image 1) of her, looking sorry for her (Image 13) despite finding out she was responsible for stealing thesis and genuinely feeling bad for when he was about to leave in (Image 16).

————

I didn't see her again in person until the recent events in her city, Cosmopolis. Where we clashed and I discovered that it was really her who stole my school thesis research.

Flug was angry realizing that Miss Heed stole his thesis when she used his perfume on Ghoul. I felt like at that point he realised his whole friendship with her had been a lie and she was just using him to steal his thesis back at school. Which must have really hurt as she might have been his only friend at that school. And Miss Heed snapping at 5.0.5. was the last straw on the camels back to make him go off on her.

————

The worst mistakes I've had made been because I think more "with my heart than with my head" and for the case of this mission it was no exception.

I wonder if the mistake he was referring was the impulsively clashing with Miss Heed. Usually in these Hero Extermination missions, Demencia is the more impulsive one while Flug would be the planner. But for this case in (Image 20) Flug, became overcome with emotion with Miss Heeds’ betrayal and just charged impulsively without a plan which led him to be accidental mind-controlled by Miss Heed.

I also believe that "With my heart then with my head" can also refer to GoldHeart.

Flug places his GoldHeart stuff with a box labelled unpleasant and appears to look emotionally exhausted when thinking about GoldHeart and looking nervous and worried having to possibly deal with GoldHeart again in (Image 23) that he brought his backpack. (And also annoyed and fed up with him when he saw him spouting nonsense on tv in Episode 4 😂)

I kinda imagine Flug to care about GoldHeart and having a prior relationship, maybe as friends similar to Miss Heed, before realizing his true nature. He probably ignores the signs he noticed, willing to trust GoldHeart, hence the thinking with his heart instead of his head part before being betrayed and as a result they ended up having a fight which evolved into hatred. (Or at least from Flug's POV)

Flug felt absolutely heartbroken for seeing Miss Heed side with GoldHeart, so when Flug will eventually clash with GoldHeart I feel like the fight will be more emotional and intense than it was with Miss Heed.

————

Fortunately Demencia and 505 were able to escape from Cecilia's followers and help me get out of the hypnosis she put me in. In the end we were able to escape and expose Cecilia's plan to the world. The other heroes took her to a rehabilitation center for superheroes on the outskirts of the city.

Basically the summary for the second part of Episode 6. Miss Heed's obsession for GoldHeart was able to trigger a painful memory of Miss Heed siding with GoldHeart that enabled Flug to snap out of the mind control. 5.0.5. was able to distract Miss Heed's simps and Demencia was able to get past them to get to Flug. Flug was able to come up with a plan with Demencia's help. Miss Heed kisses Flug and breaks the simps out of their mind control. Miss Heed l pushes Flug out of anger and Demencia saves Flug and pushes Miss Heed instead into the formula vat instead and they manage to escape before the city went on lockdown. And Miss Heed was captured by her former followers and thrown in the hero rehab centre.

————

I'm convinced that Goldheart must somehow be behind this. I plan to go visit Cecilia today to get a little information about it and... to find out how she is doing.

“… to find out what she’s doing” Flug seems a bit hesitant to admit at the end that he does have some feelings for her. But despite he knows that he is being used (Image 16) by her again like he was in school when she asked him.

Flug being GoldHeart’s Arch-Enemy and associated with GoldHeart long enough to know him well enough to be a careful planner and have a bigger plan and ulterior motive behind doing things. He was able to conclude that GoldHeart something to do with Miss Heed mind-controlling all those people after Flug discovered that Miss Heed was associated with GoldHeart and his team, “The Golden Rule" and encountering her in her city Cosmopolis.

GoldHeart’s plan seems to involve the use of mind-control to end Villainy forever (with the help of his followers) and Flug’s has put a wrench in his plans, as shown in the end of the episode.

[ganondoodle]

Not gonna lie, the "It looks like a Divine Circle but is actually just hundreds of years of superstition & propaganda"-Concept is the coolest fucking thing I didn't know I needed until ten minutes ago. It's a super cool inversion of the classic trope, opens up a million possibilities for stories and arcs and on top of that, in game, you would obviously not know about it form the beginning but slowly have to collect clues and hints that things are not quite as everyone tells you.

So yeah, very cool concept!

Not directly related, but it's probably no surprise that my favorite Ganondorf line is the "I coveted that Wind"-line from the finale of Wind Waker. He doesn't even go into detail, cause he doesn't have to, this line alone instantly humanizes him. Like, its the end of the game, we are about to fight him, there is no way this will not end in a fight, and yet, at that point, that line, just goes so fucking hard. Because you instantly know what he's talking about, that he simply wanted a future for his people, which, you know, is a very human thing to do. It wont stop us from fighting him here and now, way too much has happened for that, but it reminds us, the audience, that he has motives and reasons and thoughts and is an actual character.

So yeah, in case it's not obvious yet, I too despise the extremely flat "I'm evil because evil, waaaaaaaaagh!" Ganondorf from TOTK. Why even include him if you cant be arsed to actually write him?

Anyways, last thing, I'll have to somewhat disagree on the Gameplay vs Story thing, at least partially because I work in the field and have had experiences with this problem myself. Not saying its impossible to have both, but its a lot more difficult than one would expect.

Towards your point, yes a good story can pull people through a game, but so can strong gameplay. Take the Doom games, I dont really care about their story, but the gameplay is great. On the other hand, the gameplay of the average Telltale game would be incredibly boring without the story behind it. There are hybrids, but even they tend to lean one way or the other: The Assassins Creed or Uncharted Series have solid and fun gameplay, but would probably get repetitive or boring if we didn't have strong characters and stories that keep us interested. And all of that is before you consider that there are different player types that gravitate to one or the other and it gets even more complicated. (There's more to this but I my thoughts on the topic could easily be a full bachelors Thesis, so I'll stop here.)

I should add that I dont think that the gameplay over story (or vice versa) argument can or should be used to defend games or design choices. Yes, Nintendo does prefer to focus on Gameplay over Story. Does that mean we shouldn't expect a good story, or are not allowed to criticize a bad one in their games? Hell no! (And if my previous ask sounded like I was doing that, I apologize, that was NOT what I meant to say! I'll happily critique all of TOTKs flaws, both in gameplay & story, otherwise how can we learn from it?)

This argument can be used to understand and analyze or interpret design decisions but it shouldn't ever be used to defend them. Just like the "just for kids" argument, by using such arguments, the person in question basically admits that they are aware of the weaknesses and faults in their story/game/whatever but didn't fix or improve them. So yeah, I do agree with you on that front 100%, hiding behind such arguments is a problem.

Anyway, sorry for leaving another wall of text in your inbox, hope you're having a nice day!

thank you! that 'cycle' concept is also what destiny (zelda comic) is based on, since it takes place before skyward sword you get to see the set up for it, and, in this story, the gods have been trying to achieve it countless times, throughout the story of it its supposed to slowly be revealed- like demise already knowing some parts since hes yet another 'failed' version of that plan (im reusing that concept for the totk rewrite as well bc i am very original wahoo)

oh you work in that field! thats cool!! yeah my opinion on this sort of thing is very much a thing i formed bc i play games, though i still dream of gamedev, i guess i understood your mention of it a little too much into the dismissive argument way (though not as an attack) and its been repeated so so many times i cant help but get a little >_> at it; the point i was trying to make was more like ... they need to find a balance with it, like you can make it all about gameplay, but then dont pretend you have the most epicest story that ever storied, maybe even do it less or more subtle, like the fromsoft game i feel like are very well balanced in that regard, bc their lore and story is very neat and intertwined, but you have to look and think to get it, and the gameplay is strong on its own so much so that it kinda ends up being both soemthing for people that dont care about lore and those that do, more than about the gameplay

zelda feels like it doesnt quite know what to do (even moreso modern zelda), bc they prioritize the gameplay but then still put in a story that they want understood .. so its like, babiefied? like there is a "simple" story and its few points are repeated into your face over and over and over so the people that dont care to read into soemthing GET IT but also annoy them, bc they dont care anyway, and the people who care about lore/story above gameplay are bored bc the narrative isnt engaging enough and they dont care as much about the gameplay

especially so with totk i think, its so weird, botw wasnt like that imo, it wasnt overly complicated either but at least it left you wondering, and let you think, the more you thought about the more interesting it was (at least to me) totk feels like the opposite, it doesnt want you to think, bc the more you think about it the more it falls apart and makes less sense

like theres types of games that focus HARD on one or the other (like slay the princess for example, its like an interactive audio book, there isnt much gameplay but it goes hard on narrative), so obviously the balance of gameplay and story isnt applicable to every game, but for zelda in particular they say they are one but then still want the other part just as much? like the lore in skyward sword isnt great, the characters are strong though, the gameplay isnt that engaging (to me, since that needs to be said) i got through it mostly just bc i wanted to see what comes next and liked the characters, in botw the freedom and world and gameplay were like nothign i ever experienced, exploring was addictive and the story took a bit of a backseat, but it was fitting for the game and lend itself so well to theorize, in totk they .. idk what the focus was, the .. glue? the toys to glue together? nothing fits together there and each part works against another instead of together, somehow, its so weird to me

the thing is, if you do gameplay over story, you need to roll with it? if thats what it is then let the story take a backseat, make it subtle and in the background or vague, dont stuff the game full of unskippable cutscenes where a character you dont care about explains you a thing you already figured out through the gameplay; like the zelda dragon point, let the design of the dragon and its music, what its carrying speak for itself, the way the deku tree is weirded out by the sword moving, maybe a quick subtle voice line once you get the sword fading away like the last parts of her soul being whispered away- but dont mention it in one of the first cutscenes, fail to bury it in 'thats illegal though and irreversible so nono dont you do it' (why mention it then huh) allude to it multiple times, and then just straight up show it (i get people like the scene but man, it would have been way cooler to figure it out yourself)

same goes for the fake zelda thing, the weird way she said the bloodmoon text already alluded to it, have her show up here and there but vanish before you (no "omg thats zelda omg what is she dooooing") , or go even harder and make her an NPC standing around the world interacting with you all nromally but animals react weirldy to her- make the midfight against her (maybe even that she isnt talking so you are unsure if its actually her but controlled by sth else, or talk all normally while literally going for your throat) and then have her dissolve into goop and woa the bloodmoon thing is without her now the zelda you have been talking to has been fake the whole time, its creepy!! leave out the stupid cutscenes of showing it multiple times!! stop monologing at me!!

ppl that dont care about it can go and do a fight and i can think about it! everyone wins yahoo!

(actually ... if you leave out all the cutscenes in totk i feel like it improves the game by alot ...)

(what my point in the previous thing was in the end that you can repeat the same old trope only so many times without changing anything before it gets boring as hell, like what you said here, and the series seems to really be setting itself on fire bc it just wants to do the trope of old so badly and at some point its gonna drag down even the best of gameplays like gameplay over story means (to me) gameplay is prioritized so whatever narrative there is is in the background, subtle and not overtly in your face with big cutscenes etc- but what i feel like its often supposed to mean is "its fine if theres a shitty story that makes no sense pasted on top bc they prioritize gameplay so stop complaining" like to me what it should mean is more gameplay, less story, a measure of quantity not of quality, but what i feel like it often means is better gameplay, bad story, a measure of quality, not quantity )

maybe my problem lies elsewhere and im just projecting it on gameplay > story, that could very much be the case, i could have a fundamental missunderstanding about this here, im still just a guy with opinions in the end and got no knowledge about anything other than i play games sometimes and these are the things i like and dislike and would do differently *puts my head in my hands*

idk if im making sense, im usually not very good at explaining how i feel or think :/ (or i THINK im bad at it, autism be damned)

(sorry this got so long again ......................)

[itsclydebitches]

Any tips for new grad students? I'm about to start in the fall and I'm curious how it'll be different/hopefully better than undergrad!

Congratulations, anon!!!

Let's see... some alphabetical tips based on my own experience:

Ask for help. You'll likely have a million questions and, unfortunately, the designated people who can answer them are often crazy busy and may take a while to get back to you, or forget entirely. So don't be afraid to ask for help from whoever might even feasibly know the answer -- including tumblr blogs! You're off to a great start lol

Be on the lookout for advisors early. Whether you're just in need of a singular advisory for a thesis, or if you'll be putting a whole committee together, approach every new instructor with the question, "Would I want them to mentor me through my research?" in the back of your mind. Pay attention to not just their specialties and teaching methods, but who they are as a person. Do you like them? Are you comfortable with them? Do they treat you respectfully? Do they seem to have everything well in hand? I loved my advisor dearly as a person, but he was often waaaaaay behind on his work. Looking back, I would have at least considered choosing someone with better organization/time management skills.

Get good at writing emails. Can you write a succinct, professional sounding email? Great! Get comfortable doing that throughout the whole day. Feeling a little iffy? Practice over the summer. There are a lot of templates online that can help, but you'll want to ensure you're not going into grad school still writing "k thx" from your iPhone at 3:00am. (For the record, your professors may do this, the students should not lol).

Have designated, scheduled downtime. Literally if you don't plan to take a break... you won't be taking a break. Not until your body decides to take one for you, anyway. Friday nights were always my couch potato time. Absolutely no work allowed and no strenuous activity unless it was something I was legitimately excited about (so no getting pressured into outings I didn't actually want to attend). Friday nights were sacred, a time for takeout and only whatever else I felt like doing, usually TV, video games, and vegging out with my cat.

Imposter Syndrome is a BITCH. Luckily, pretty much everyone's got it to a greater or lesser extent, we all just need to acknowledge it more. You know those boards some schools have celebrating places where students have gotten in and other achievements? Yeah, we put one up for failures in our department. Literally a giant, glittery, "CONGRATS YOU DIDN'T GET IT!" board where we hung proposal rejections, grant rejections, school rejections, scholarship rejections, job rejections, and on one memorable occasion a date rejection. I highly recommend it. Nothing lessens the sting quite as much as seeing that you're a part of a sea of similar disappointments and remembering that you're all in the same, often luck-based boat.

Pick a non-academic hobby. Your mental health will thank you, trust me. Like the designated downtime, you need to be doing something that's not reading/writing/researching 24/7. Pick a hobby that in no way relates to academics or your chosen field, preferably something hands-on and creative. Grad school is when I picked up crocheting alongside knitting.

Prepare to hold down two jobs. This really only applies if you're going to be teaching while you get your degree (or if you have an outside job for the paycheck), but I was pretty blindsided by what it took to be a full-time student and a half-time instructor. I don't really have good advice beyond "Figure out your time management skills now" and "Don't pour all your energy into one or the other because the one you've neglected WILL come back to bite you in the ass," but even just being aware of how difficult it is going to be would have staved off the initial shock.

Read strategically. Perhaps this is different for someone not in the Humanities, but you will be reading a LOT in grad school. Like, an absolutely stupid amount. There simply will not be time to cover everything from title to footnotes (I know, it hurts), so get comfortable with reading abstracts, chapter summaries, skimming, and otherwise summarizing lengthy works to figure out what you should prioritize. Unless a whole article is assigned for class, figure out what you need from any given text -- or what you think you may need -- and hone in on that. You can always return to read more if you have the time.

SAVE EVERYTHING. Do not delete emails. Get copies of everything even remotely official. Print everything out. Buy yourself a couple of cheap file boxes, stick them under your bed, and keep it all just in case. What kind of things have I unexpectedly needed to dredge up weeks, months, or even years later? The printed paper with hand-written comments to justify a grade I gave. An ancient email from a committee member proving that they did in fact sign off on a certain chapter choice. A copy of the publication forms I signed for a book collection after those got lost on their end (somehow). Seriously, save everything. You'll never know when you may need proof of some communication you've had.

Take naps. That's it. That's the advice. Someone gives you shit for being "lazy" or tries to make you feel bad for "wasting" a sunny afternoon? Make them step on a Lego and then both of you take your nap outside. Naps are beautiful and sacred and life-saving. Just set a good alarm for whenever your next class/meeting is.

Work at making friends. Unlike high school or even college where you'll be spending the day with a core group of people, in graduate school (unless your school is really small) the students are a lot more spread out and there aren't as many built-in opportunities to socialize. So plan to put in more effort at connecting with others because you will want that camaraderie, both for practical help and your sanity. I didn't realize how much more I needed to do to get to know my peers until I was nearly finished my Master's. Luckily, my PhD threw me into an office with seven other grads, so I didn't have a choice about getting to know them lol

You're responsible for your own learning. You've gotten a taste of this in college, but grad school cranks it up to 11. You're an adult (not an "adult" adult like a college student) and you've committed to putting forth 2-7 additional years towards your education. The expectation is that you want to be here and will showcase the necessary effort without outside influence (unless you require accommodations, of course). Be prepared for your instructors to treat you like a peer, both when it comes to the fun stuff - intense debates about your field! - and the responsibilities they expect you to follow through on. In some ways grad school is nothing like college because you are now focused on one subject, you are working collaboratively with people who were once solely authority figures, and 95% of the work will occur outside the classroom via self-teaching. You're a professional now. Still being mentored, but well on your way to that equal standing. The sooner you realize that you are responsible for your own education and future career -- not your teachers, your parents, your BFF, your roommate, etc. -- the better.

Most importantly:

[becauseimanicequeen]

Because you like color related questions: What is your favorite color and what ql use it best?

Hi, Anon.

I love the question, but...

How can this artist who loves colors possibly choose a favorite among the things that give her life?

I know I'm crazy, but not that crazy! lol

So I'll just change the question a bit and steer this post in the direction I want (and give you more than you asked for). Okay? Okay!

I'm practically obsessed with one half of the traditional color wheel. And that's everything from purple, going into blue, and up to blue-green (or what most people call turquoise or teal, the latter which seems to have become really popular in the past few years). Throw some pink in there, preferably the neon/fluorescent kind, and black and you basically have my art, lol.

To summarize, though, my favorite colors are:

Purple

Blue

Blue-green (or what most people call turquoise or teal)

Pink

Black

With that said, let's move on to the second part of your question.

I can't remember if I've ever seen blue-green (turquoise/teal) in a QL (but my memory is fucked, so help me if you want).

When it comes to the other colors, I will share some moments from QLs where the colors are particularly beautiful (in my eyes), used in a great way in a particular scene, or when there's a color-coded character I like rather than focus on the use of a particular color throughout a whole series (the latter would turn into a thesis for each color, lol, and I just don't have the time or energy for that right now).

Let's start with black and then move through the others according to the color wheel.

I love black because it goes well with every other color. But I also love black because it's a color that can be used in shows/films without using it. And that's by filming night scenes.

I love night scenes in shows/films because it's many times used for the big emotional scenes, from confessions to breakups and everything in between.

The black might not be evident in all these particular images I've included below, but all these scenes play out in the dark of evening/night.

Like in To Be Continued when Ji practically confesses that he likes Achi but gets rejected (kind of):

When Zhou Shu Yi confesses his love for Gao Shi De in We Best Love: No. 1 For You:

Shu Yi is also one of my favorite QL characters, and he often wears black.

When Sailom confesses that he likes Namnuea in Wedding Plan:

Which I think has a deeper meaning since he can only ever truly be himself in the dark or in the company of Yiwa through a large part of the series.

Then there's Phat loosing his shit in La Pluie:

He finally got to unload some of the shit that had been weighing on him for so long, and I loved that scene so much.

And then there's My Stand-In that practically show a multitude of different emotions in their night scenes:

And Ming wears black a lot, which I've written about in this post about his clothes in particular, and in this one where I've also written about Joe's blue.

I could spend a whole post on night scenes, but I won't because I need to save some images for the other colors, lol.

So, moving on to pink!

For me, there are two characters/shows that stand out with the use of pink. The first one is Tankhun in KinnPorsche:

He's so ridiculous, such a drama queen, and that's exactly why I love him so much. And, he's constantly surrounded by pink.

Then there's Wandee Gooday. This series didn't just use pink, but neon pink, and I will forever and ever love this one for that:

The one above has some purple in it too, but the color on their skin, pillows, etc., has more red than blue in it, which (in my eyes) means it's verging more towards pink.

There's also this softer pink that's in contrast to the other images above. They're using different values, intensities, and hues of pink to create different moods/vibes in their scenes, and I love that.

Other honorable mentions (but I have to save on the images since tumblr only gives me 30... lol):

Tharn and Phaya's first (real) sex scene in The Sign (not the dreams). The neon pink is divine in that scene.

Maybe in Secret Crush on You as well. I can remember that there were neon lights. And, when there are neon lights, there has to be pink, right? (I will be rewatching this series for my Pride Month celebrations soon, so I might get to see how wrong I am, lol.)

The pink neon lights in Ai Di's club in Kiseki: Dear to Me were also divine.

Now, let's move on to purple.

I obviously have to mention Dee from Wandee Goodday here, because he just looks so good in purple:

Also, both Dee and Yak look good in purple:

Please, Wandee Goodday, give me more purple!

Other than this, I can't remember purple that well. So, let me share three examples that are a bit purple-ish. The first one is Kiseki: Dear to Me where the lights sometimes verge towards purple.

Then we have two different series where there are blueish and pinkish lights that, kind of, mix and create purple. The first one is this scene in KinnPorsche:

And the other one is this scene in Love in the Air:

They look really similar, don't they? And I absolutely love those colors together. That lighting is divine.

Next, we have blue.

Blue is used a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot.

So I had to narrow it down a lot and choose a couple of blue characters and moments.

Let's start with this scene from Deep Night:

This is the scene where Pan and Ken start flirting with Seji like it's a competition. But what I love about this shot in particular (besides from the blue) is that Pan, who is the one who brings up poly, shows up between Seji and Ken in the shot (and in several scenes throughout the series). He's the one who brought all three of them together. And I love that he often stands in the middle. Also, he looks so good in blue.

Then there's Ji in To Be Continued who is surrounded by blue basically all the time because he's a blue character. And he looks really good in blue.

And then there's King from Bed Friend who is also gorgeous in all the blue hues:

Then I love this moment in Two Worlds:

These two got about 10 seconds in the finale, which was the highlight of this episode for me. Both of them practically propose to each other at the same time, both are dressed in blue and standing in front of those blueish pillars. I loved every single second of this scene as if each second was a whole hour long.

Then there's a whole series called Blue Boys, which meant I had to watch it as soon as I heard about it in April/May. The second part started yesterday with a new episode and I have to say that I really love this short series and its vibe (their chemistry is great, btw). And Nami's blue shirt:

That blue is gorgeous.

And then, last but not least, there's one of my favorite blue characters, and that's Saengtai in La Pluie:

I love this blue boy and his yellow boyfriend so much. They're one of my favorite couples in the QLs I've watched.

As an introvert (passing off as an extrovert, which makes me want to shut up and hide on purpose most of the time to protect my energy, lol) I can absolutely relate to Tai not wanting to socialize with everyone all the fucking time. He's chosen the people who get to drain energy from him (I wish I was that good at putting up boundaries, lol) so I'm not as annoyed by his silence as many others who watch this might be.

Yes, he hurt Phat's feelings. Yes, Phat had every right to run away when he was hurt. Yes, it was glorious to see Tai switching on his loyalty like never before when he realized how much he'd hurt Phat. And that whole episode of him searching for Phat and losing it when he found him healed parts of me I didn't even know were broken (lol).

If you haven't seen La Pluie, I recommend watching it.

Anyway...

There you have it, Anon. My favorite colors (because I can't choose one) and some of my favorite characters/moments including those colors.

Thank you for your ask.

[girl4music]

'AFIN' with commentary and without cutting off Xena's head. They did some editing work for the Director's Cut. Some of the scenes that shocked fans the most were taken out and instead they replaced them with scenes that never made the finale cut. I only ever watch this version of the finale. I never ever watch the actual episodes. The two parts melded together play like a movie. It's a better experience.

If you get your hands on the Director's Cut of 'AFIN' - it's worth it. Especially because they include an entire scene that shows you that Xena had no idea she couldn't be revived without dire consequences - making it so she really had no choice but to stay dead except the choice between avenging those souls or to forcing non-absolution on them. So really the choice was either allowing them to be forgiven or forgive herself. They cut this entire scene out in the episodic version but it's a very important scene to show you that she never actually intentionally made Gabrielle go on a wild goose chase for her ashes. She was sure she could be brought back to life until she learns the truth that Akemi was holding back from her all along. She couldn't. They go on in the episodic version as if she already knew she couldn't. But no, by the point she learns the information, she's already dead and the stipulation is that the only way she could be brought back to life was if she condemned 40,000 other souls to eternal damnation. So it explains what's going on a bit more than you get in the episodic version. It shows you it was really about agency. Xena chose this end and Akemi was a manipulating, lying sack of shit that tastes karma.

As the self-sacrificial hero Xena now is - she'd never choose selfishly no matter how much it may hurt her and Gabrielle to separate. But then if you follow watching the Director's Cut of 'AFIN' with reading my character study thesis - you'll learn that they never could separate because one soul in two bodies are within each other for all eternity and it's only the physical body that leaves. The vessel of the soul. If that one soul belongs to two people, they'd just become one body from then on until that body also eventually left the mortal coil too.

So my thesis combined with Rob's "fixes" for 'AFIN' is a much more palatable watching experience. It leaves you on a better note and it's what I'd recommend anybody that decides to go for watching 'AFIN'. to do. In other words: don't watch the episodes. Just watch this and then salve your trepidation by reading my unique perspective on it.

I know it's painful and it really does feel like a betrayal. But having more information or just a different way of interpreting information along with some clever editing does help a lot. I promise you that because even if Xena had to stay dead, she didn't leave Gabrielle and that's what she promised her. That even in death - she'd never leave.

[deathofacupid]

games // part one | peter parker

(the spacing is so weird... don't worry about it...)

masterlist to this here!

tw: underage drinking, angst kinda, mentions of sex and underage drug use, making out, y/n

just y/n

that's all i can say

kinda trash but whateverrr (i didn't really proofread-)

will probably have multiple parts that aren't that long?? idk

this one's 1.1k+ words

peter's p.o.v.

y/n stark had never fallen in love. she had everything she needed, all the money, right in the palm of her hand.

yes, she was smart. one of the top students at midtown high. her grades spelt that out. so why wasn't she doing anything with herself? why didn't she put effort into the things she did? why was she always making questionable decisons? smoking? drinking? parties? drugs and one-night stands? 

because she didn't care.

she didn't care simply since she would take over her father's company, anyways. no college or anything, simply a one-way ticket to be the c.e.o. of stark industries. that was her life plan.

plus hook-ups on weekends.

most nights were spent partying, drinking, and doing drugs. and the longest she'd ever dated a guy was 6 days (more or less).

to say the least, she had a reputation.

peter knew that, so he wasn't quite sure why he let himself fall in love with her, even though they'd never talked.

he glanced over to her figure that was slumped over her desk slightly, as she bit her lip in concentration. peter felt his heart beating a little faster.

"-once you finish that, turn it in. though," ms. cartwright paused, "you may, actually probably will, have to work with your partner outside of school to complete this. choose your person carefully, and don't forget, you have 'til wednesday. go ahead and find a partner."

"really, ms. cartwright? a project? aren't you supposed to be the cool teacher?" y/n quipped, not really meaning to make it sound like a joke, but some people, including himself, chuckled.

but peter's mood dropped again as he sighed, because he didn't have any friends in this class, so he prepared himself to plead the teacher to let him work alone.

suddenly, someone sat down next to him, making peter look up.

"hey, parker." his eyes immediately widened.

"oh! uh, h-hi, y/n."

she nodded briefly, "wanna partner up?"

"with- with me?" he asked, looking around.

"um, yes?" y/n raised an eyebrow. "who else?"

"right, right." it was awkward for a second, and he wanted to break the silence so bad. clearing his throat, "so i was thinking that we could do maybe... something for thermodynamic properties of atomic defects for quantum technologies? a model paired with a thesis, or, like, prediction for, uh, it, or," he looked up as he was writing to make sure she was still listening, "and add some sorta... emitter?"

"that's... actually really smart. maybe workshop on the defects part though, but i think we can make it work. let's blow them away, parker."

peter couldn't stop the grin that made it's way onto his face.

a girl was talking to him. a pretty girl. one that wasn't aunt may or mj. sure, yeah, it was for a group project, but still. 

it counted, he decided.

the rest of class was spent brainstorming, and then he felt a little sad once the bell rung and she had to leave, before that, though, y/n wrote her number on his paper, adding a little heart.

"wanna meet up after school? we can work on it and get it out of the way."

"yes, please!" he said, a little too happily, so he cleared his throat and tried again. "um, yeah, th- that's cool. i guess."

y/n laughed, and he decided it was the prettiest sound ever. "solid, babes." he froze momentarily, but he knew she didn't mean it sexually. but he still blushed, and y/n caught that but said nothing for his sake.

"'kay, see you then. text you the deets."

only aunt may ever used the word "deets," but when y/n said it, it sounded... cool, and it made him want to start using it, too.

he couldn't wait to brag to ned.

now who's the female-less dweeb?

his next period was lunch, so he could tell. ned. everything. peter was honestly still surprised that out of everyone in the whole classroom, she picked him.

unless she's using you for answers, a little voice rang at the his back of his head.

he shook it away. why would she need his help? or answers? y/n was equally smart, if not smarter.

right.

she came to me because i'm not 100% of a loser. i'm worth something as peter.

peter sat down at his normal seat on the lunchroom, right by ned.

"god, ned, you'll never believe it! ned, bro! guess, guess!"

"uh... the water fountain doesn't make the hallway smell like farts every time someone uses it because it's fixed now?"

"that... that was specific."

"hey, man, i gotta get water from somewhere."

"okay, well, either way, no."

"ooh! you- you... i don't know. just tell me!"

"alright, alright. get ready. are you ready now?"

"yeah! say it!"

"100% ready?"

"yes!"

"i got," peter started, pausing for dramatic effect, "a pretty girl's number!"

"really? no way!"

"and, and, it's not just any pretty girl! it's y/n! yeah! y/n stark!”

"no. way. oh my gosh, peter! that's insane!"

"i know, i know, i know!"

"so? now what?"

"what do you mean?"

"like... are you gonna meet up with her?"

"uh. maybe? i dunno. i've seen her at the tower, like, once."

"won't mr. stark," he shrugged, "not want you dating... his daughter?"

peter paused, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. "i... don't think we're quite there, ned," he answered honestly.

he decided not to mention the fact that it was for a group project.

peter spent the rest of lunch tuning out ned and day-dreaming about her. and then when he got home, he stared at his phone. maybe he was waiting for a text from her?

it didn't matter. 

why would she willingly do that?

then another thought popped into his mind, was she waiting for him? 

that's stupid. there's no reason for her to wait. if she wanted to talk to me, she would've done so. 

but what if she is? then i should message her. 

wait, no, i can't look desperate!

maybe-

shut up conscious!

he felt so silly, stressing over such a small thing. but then again, this was high school. practically everything you said or did mattered. finally, he decided he'd text her first. 

peter: hi. it's|

the cursor blinked in front of him, mocking peter. he erased it and tried again. 

peter: hey, it's|

or did "hi" sound better? no, no, hey was cooler. but he didn't want her to think it was hey, because it wasn't hey. it was just hey. 

well, now he had another problem. "hey" didn't look like a word anymore. it looked like hay misspelled. peter dragged a hand down his face, frustrated. 

peter: hi y/n i'm hopelessly in love with you and overjoyed that you picked me to be your partner marry me now? please| 

that was most likely not better. 

he settled for, at last;

peter: hey, it's peter. when do you wanna meet up? 

delivered at 5:31

[blapis-blazuli]

Now listen up

I am obsessed with this man. He's got so many weird details about him and I love (almost) all of them.

First, Slim's original concept fucks. Being an undead cattle rustler out for bull's blood due to being trampled to death is fascinating. I don't know how long it took before someone at Disney cried "too dark" at that backstory, but I'm surprised it was even in consideration given the mostly lighter tone of the final product. More than that, Disney could've had a literal ghost rider among their villains! Had that movie been any good, he might've joined Disney's popular villain lineup, or maybe we could've even gotten a boss battle with him in a Kingdom Hearts game. That's not what we ended up with due to Reasons, though, which is a bit disappointing, but not much you can do about that.

Anyway, onto what we did get.

Before Slim makes his formal appearance, he's only seen in silhouette, on a wanted poster, then in disguise, and is finally fully revealed when he rides in on a bison. He is huge, and I don't mean because he's fat, I mean he's a good deal taller than most of the other characters. He's set up to be someone threatening, to be taken seriously.

And then comes his yodeling villain song.

The moment it's revealed that Slim's yodeling can hypnotize cows, the music picks up and there's a literal rainbow of colors for the rest of his number. As I said, he's a big man, but he's also light enough on his feet to dance and jump on and off any of these cows while not missing a beat in his performance. When the men who got knocked out beforehand come running after him, he doesn't threaten them, he just throws his spurs at a precarious bit of rocky landscape with such force that it falls and blocks the pathway to him. That's more badass than if he did draw his gun on them.

Actually, I wanna talk about the music he performs. The movie's set in Wyoming during 1889, so obviously Slim's not gonna be yodeling A Cruel Angel's Thesis or whatever. They could’ve come up with something original for him to yodel to (which, I mean, they kinda do), but they chose music by composers such as Tchaikovsky and Beethoven, which aren't exactly things you'd associate with the wild west. The obvious out-of-universe answer for why those pieces were chosen is "they existed before the year this is set in, and they're recognized even today," but we've no in-universe answer for why he chose them or how he knows them. Regardless, it's kinda amazing that he knows them well enough to yodel them.

His lair in Echo Mine has an area with some nice furniture in it. How'd this shit get there? Who knows. Anyway, this is where he reveals that he disguises himself to buy up the properties owned by the people he's stolen cattle from, which includes his former employers. Why doesn't he work for any of them anymore? He never directly says. According to him, they didn't "appreciate [his] talents," which means they probably hated his yodeling. I don't blame him for being mad about that because why the hell would you tell someone that? If he's doing the job right and well without hurting anyone, then who cares? The idea that he's moved on to use a skill against the former bosses who didn't like it is kinda great though.

(Side note: a nice, small detail about this part of the lair is the faded branding on the map, which shows that Slim has been doing this for quite a while. Shame that it's not more consistent from shot to shot though. I can't take credit for noticing this myself: my partner pointed it out after I posted a screenshot as a joke on Discord. She's so cool.)

Slim doesn't like it when someone calls his yodeling "singing": he thinks singing is beneath him given the disdain in his voice when he says that's what birds, saloon gals, and children do. No, he considers what he does to be an art. He's not entirely wrong, though: it is an impressive skill, especially since he can yodel to certain classical pieces like The William Tell Overture, Ode to Joy, Ride of the Valkyries, and The 1812 Overture. (Also Yankee Doodle, because, well, American. Also maybe Largo al factotum from The Barber of Seville, but I'm unsure of that one: unlike Slim, I am no classical music expert.) There's no need for him to be quite as defensive about it as he is, but his nephews calling it "singing," saying that might be why his bosses didn't like him, and calling yodeling "silly" is enough to make him get violently angry at them. Man's got issues.

Oh yeah, Slim has nephews. They're triplets named Gil, Phil, and Bill, and they're collectively known as The Willies. Unlike their uncle, they're all blond and thin, so god knows what Slim's unnamed and unmentioned sibling must look like.

Slim also has a bison named Junior. I'm not fond of the whole "he's too fat to ride anything else" angle of that, but I do like that they chose an animal that people are constantly told to not mess with because of how dangerous they are. Slim's not afraid of him: he's got this creature trained to listen when he calls for him. I can only guess that Slim is the one who named Junior, so maybe he also raised him. It would explain why Junior appears annoyed with him but still puts up with having Slim jump on his back and the like.

You know what Slim doesn't have though? Kids. Putting together the disdain in his voice when he mentions children, his seemingly low opinion of saloon girls, his big villain number turning the landscape into a rainbow of colors, the queer history of cowboys, and the prevalence of queer-coding in Disney villains... well, I think you get where I'm going with that.

Moving onto his disguise. Don't ask me why nobody figured out this was Slim sooner, given that his wanted poster shows they have the same facial hair, bushy eyebrows, and bags under the eyes. My best guess is because it's in black-and-white and he's in a different outfit, and unless someone's encountered him before they probably don't know what he sounds like. Anyway, His alias is Yancy O'del (yeah, I know), but the one sign we see him with has both "Mister" and "Esquire" in there.

Having looked this up, I learned a few things. First, having "Mister" and "Esquire" together isn't something you're supposed to do, yet nobody in-universe caught this. Second, in the United States, "Esquire" is a title only used for lawyers, so maybe that's why nobody questioned him - fear of a sudden lawsuit for something or other. Third, "Yancy" was not really a name used back then, or at least not a common one. Why'd he choose that name (besides for the pun)? I dunno.

(Also, where the hell does Junior stay whenever he goes to one of these auctions? The world may never know.)

Slim's final defeat at the hooves/wings/what-have-you of several farm animals is pretty pathetic, even by silly Disney villain standards, but I got to give him credit for not wanting to give up even after his disguise is (literally) blown and while he's stuck in a train's smokestack. I have no idea how he planned on getting out of that one, and whatever it was most likely wouldn't have worked anyway, but I admire his refusal to back down in the face of obvious defeat.

Even in his very last scene we see him struggling with the ropes they tied around him while he's carted off to jail. He does not give up.

Anyway, here he is picking up Small Black Market Dealer Steve Buscemi one-handed like it's nothing. (His name is Wesley, but Slim keeps calling him Mister Weasley. That's right, this movie used that joke before Frozen did.)

And here he is lifting three full-grown cows off the ground before tying them up faster than they can react to it. (The cows have names too, but this post ain't about them.)

He uses his left hand to write and aim his gun and seems just as adept with using it as much as his right, which is cool. (There's no frame with both his face and the gun, so you'll have to trust me on that.)

Speaking of his hands

Look at this huge-ass man and his pinkies, I can't with this dude

Look at that smile, sir, who gave you the right

If there were a whole movie about just these two, I'd watch it, I won't even lie.

I've gone on about this guy for probably too long by this point, so to sum it all up:

Babygirl

[o-uncle-newt]

I guess the only person who can really be trusted to describe the greatness of Agatha Christie is Dorothy L Sayers...?

A while back, the always-sharp @thesarahshay sent me an ask that caught me up on something that I'd carelessly written in some tags- I said that Agatha Christie was good at writing romance into her detective fiction, without really elaborating. I then spent multiple paragraphs attempting to elaborate, I'm not sure with how much success. Essentially, and you can click above to see for yourself, my thesis was that while Sayers was a much better literary stylist (and certainly better at writing romance) than Christie, when writing a detective novel, her seams show; Christie had a natural talent for knowing exactly what belongs in a detective story and creating and fitting all the right pieces together that create a seamless detective story, including motivations drawn by romance (though I think the actual romances are among the weaker elements- still MUCH better than those written by most of her peers, for the record).

I'd had trouble putting into words what I wanted to say (there was a convoluted metaphor about Barbies and Lego in there), and I'm not sure I was too convincing; but turns out that the person who said what I wanted to say the best was, in fact the great DLS herself.

There's a fabulous book that I 100% recommend called Taking Detective Stories Seriously, which is a compilation of about two years' worth of detective story reviews that Sayers wrote. I hadn't heard of most of the authors, and even when I had heard of the authors I'd rarely read the books, but it didn't matter, frankly. She's just such a great writer, so thoughtful and incisive and passionate about both the genre and good craftsmanship (not to mention good English), that everything she has to say including on novels that haven't been in print since the 30s is worth reading. She has generally great taste, though she has a much higher opinion of Margery Allingham than I do and doesn't like Ellery Queen's The Siamese Twin Mystery as much as I'd thought she might (though the fact that a character in it insulted Unnatural Death may not have helped lol); but she also likes, to pick two very different writers who I too enjoy, HC Bailey and Mignon G Eberhart, and so she clearly has a good eye. (It's also entertaining to see her slowly force herself to admit that she likes Perry Mason...)

BUT ANYWAY.

She has three reviews of Agatha Christie books in the volume: Murder on the Orient Express, Why Didn't They Ask Evans, and Three Act Tragedy. She reviews all of them very positively, but it's her review of Three Act Tragedy (in my opinion, funnily enough, the weakest of the three) that she really gets to the core of Christie's genius. And it's actually fitting that it's for a book of hers that's on the more meh end of the scale- because it just shows how even meh Christie has an element of genius that other authors have to work hard for even in their best works.

She says:

Some time ago this column contained the statement that Hercule Poirot was "one of the few real detectives." It was a well-sounding phrase, and I have no quarrel with it, except that I am not quite clear what it meant. What I meant to write and what I thought I had written and what I now propose to write clearly with no mistake about it was and is this: Hercule Poirot is one of the few detectives with real charm. Plenty of authors assure us that their detectives are charming, but that is quite another thing. I don't know that Mrs Christie has ever said a word about the matter. She merely puts Poirot there, with all his little oddities and weaknesses, and there he is- a really charming person. And it is true, too, that he is "real," in the sense that we never stop to enquire whether his words and actions are suited to his character; they are his character, and we accept them as we accept the words and actions of any living person because they are a part of himself. Le style c'est l'homme. Indeed, when Mrs Christie is writing at the top of her form, as she is in Three Act Tragedy, all her characters have this reality. She does not postulate a character- retired actor, West End mannequin, family retainer- and put into its mouth sentiments appropriate to its station in life. She shows us character and behavior all of a piece. However surprising or enigmatic the behavior, we believe that everything took place just as she says it did, because we believe in the reality of the people. Poirot is charming, not because anybody says so, but because is is, and all her other people exist for us in the same objective manner. This is the great gift that distinguishes the novelist from the manufacturer of plots. Mrs Christie has given us an excellent plot, a clever mystery, and an exciting story, but her chief strength lies in this power to compel belief in these characters. [emphasis mine]

Sayers then proceeds to compare another author (or rather authors, the husband and wife pair GDH and M Cole) to Christie in this regard, moving on to another review. But in these three paragraphs she has, I think, said it better than anyone- that Christie's skill is in her naturalness, and how that naturalness compels us to believe in and immerse ourselves in her world. She is effortless and seamless.

To be clear, Sayers praises a lot of people in this book, and a lot of people's writing; but mostly she is praising their skill and ability to create what they have created. Here, she isn't quite praising that- she's praising the fact that the final product is so good that you can't even see the craftsmanship behind it, and that's, I think, what separates Christie from her peers. It's a power, and not one that can be broken down by a critic. She just has it.

I've said before that I don't think Sayers had this as a mystery writer, and I think she'd probably be the first to agree with that assessment; she certainly had a seemingly effortless skill as a prose writer (as these reviews show), but as a novelist she took construction seriously and wanted us to know this. That said, another person who I don't think has this, who I mention because he's someone who a lot of people compare Christie to (often negatively), is John Dickson Carr.

I've seen plenty of people say that Carr is a more sophisticated version of Christie, not just in mystery construction but in writing style, and equally prolific, creative, and versatile. I don't agree with this on most counts, but I think, honestly, that Carr is fine- but you can see the seams easily. He might have been prolific but his formulae are visible and his writing required intentionality on his part. By which I mean- Carr when he's trying to be funny is generally hilarious. Carr when he's trying to be scary is generally spine-tingling. But Carr when he's just trying to get to the next good bit is dull and mechanical. He needs to be paying attention and making an effort in order to be good, and we notice him doing this. Christie never has this problem; even when the actual stuff she's writing isn't high quality, she's never dull. Everything feels purposeful and organic, somehow.

Obviously, all of this is fundamentally subjective, and if there's one redeeming element it's that an incredibly smart lady agrees with me (by my interpretation, at least) and says it extremely well. But I'll be holding on to this one, if nothing else.

[darkfictionjude]

Etymology nonnie here!

Oh... The small Luce ask make me wonder. Do Luce and Sky have more or less canon heights? Because Crowny, for example, while doesn't have a specific measurement, is at least shorter than some of the characters of WWC canonically.

I know you don't care that much about heights and sizes overall. Yet I'm curious.

Especially thinking about how height could influence both Luce and Sky. A tall Luce could be seen as more dominating or frightening (especially on the darker branch of the game). But a short Luce, on the similar branch, could also be frightening because they are able to be deadly even while being vertically challenged.

As for Sky, it would make sense for them to be at least average height. Hollywood actors didn't need to be very tall (if anything, being too tall would be hindrance for their career). Especially if they are in movies with romance (a tall woman is hard to pair up with a taller actor, and a man who is to tall could make difficult to frame both he and his female costar if she is too short).

Funnily enough, I was reminded of Marlon Brando for both Luce and Sky (although for Luce I just keep thinking about the Godfather, while for Sky I think about both A Streetcar named Desire and Brando's romance with James Dean). He wasn't very tall (he was around 5'9'' feet or 175 cm), but average height. And he still became a sex symbol in his era. Sure, he is like from two decades after the time of OYHS, but still.

Are you thinking about including height customization in either of them, or would you do like in WWC and leave it relatively vague yet fixed (so non customizable)?

I don't think it's very important to include in either case. It's something I like to customize, although most of the time it's not going to come up. Yet, it could be a nice kind of flavour for both Luce and Sky. More so than with Crowny. Mostly because Crowny is the weird yet somewhat alluring kid. They don't need to be too tall or have any particular height. While for Luce and Sky is more relevant (Luce both for the frightening factor, but also the abundant machismo of the Mafia world; while for Sky it comes to practicality as an actor, being too tall or too short can prove to be a challenge).

I always find it fascinating the things you can write about 😭 it’s never what I imagine and it’s impressive because if I was asked to write about height I wouldn’t make it past one short paragraph

Honestly height to me isn’t that interesting in writing, I take the book approach in that if it’s not to make a point (someone who’s extremely tall or extremely short and the thesis of the book is showing how ostracized they are) then it’s not that important. Movie magic would make it so if Sky was tall the actors would just wear stilts or stand on boxes for the close shots. If they’re short then they’re wearing the stilts. Sky’s problem isn’t physical (in part not entirely physical) their problem is that they have the looks to pull it off but the crippling legacy of their mother and their own self doubts are getting in the way.

I could add the height option but it wouldn’t really be a big impediment for their job. Just flavour text. With Luce maybe some comments here or there if they’re a woman but being a man and being tall in the mafia is a ok because they’re not frightening not the in the slightest everyone kind of knows they are irrelevant they think Luce would be cute trying to be intimidating like the machismo only really works in favour if Luce was considered seriously

[lazlolullaby]

Intersex Terry Mcginnis

Because I've seen fantastic non-binary Terry from @theycallme-ook and their series, I've seen this gorgeous transmasc Terry from this fic, crown of neon, and @jasontoddssuper with their transfem Butch Terry agenda and hot damn is it great.

(btw using he/him for Terry because that's what the show did.)

Whatever he is, he cisn't.

This is all in the name of trying to incorporate the VERY late game (I truly mean last episode with him ever so it never impacts any other plot just a wrap up theme and thesis statement on Heroism) twist and have it inform his whole - teenage attitude and everything.

so. uh. let's dive.

General warning for intersexism, queer phobia, messing with gender and such. Divorce. Cadmus manipulating people. The violation of consent that's inherent in making someone give birth to and raise a child designed to be a legacy vigilante without them knowing.

Genetic alteration isn't all that it's cracked up to be. It's DNA testing, it's virus loads and constant correction, it's incorporating extra violet genes into flowers and them rejecting them completely and going blank white.

I know it's the DCAU, with Manbat being the first episode, animal chimeras being created all throughout but, fantastic science that let the plot move but. It was the 90s and the early 2000s. on our side the human genome project started in 1985, was partially complete in 2003, and only fully completed in 2022! Cadmus is cutting it close.

there's a lot of room for error, here.

The alterations done to Warren's DNA were sketchy at best. Lots of sperm failed after the nano machines got to them. It was difficult for Mary and Warren to conceive, which is why Terry and Matt are so far apart in age. That put stress on their relationship, not including that the kids don't even look like Warren either.

Mary and Warren were very happy that Terry came to term without major problems. He wasn't visibly intersex until he was born, but because it's the Future TM, they ran the DNA to screen for any major disorders. Terry comes out chimera style intersex, with different DNA depending on where you take the sample. His hormones are giving him a mix of traits that make him ambiguous.

((yeah this is specific but shush: Terry can't naturally grow a beard. (Not like he wants to, he's heard his mom complain too many times about his dad's face bristles to be excited about getting his own.) People generally do a double take with him. "I ate my sister in the womb." Is the snappy answer he likes to give. "she left me with some things."))

The Future is a little more forgiving, there's some paperwork and not much pressure for the parents to put him through infant surgery.

And then we get to Matt. Because Terry was difficult, the parents sought out a fertility clinic to get Matt as good a start as possible.

Terry is angry at first, that he's a genetic mess and they had to go to a clinic to get a "real boy". That they tried to have a "good kid" but it couldn't fix their relationship. That even Matt didn't turn out right; A "clerical error" gives Matt an "anonymous donor" as a father instead of Warren.

It's building up with bunch of smaller things - having to explain their gender every so often, being confused with older buildings with split gender bathrooms and teachers treating him different depending on his perceived gender.

It was clear that the grace period ran out. He just - was given an ultimatum. Guy or girl. There's also some manipulation on Cadmus's part - can't be Batman without being a man...right?

and It's Gotham. Having a healthy vision of masculinity is not going to happen. So to protect himself Terry decides to be a Guy. A Real Cool Guy.

But it's not clicking. He's not comfortable. His parents tell him that he can be "whatever kind of man he wants" but that's still vague.

All this gender identity frustration builds up with his general teenage "pushing boundaries" and "parents arguing" leads him to hang with the wrong crowds.

and that's how he lands in juvie. He ends up calming down, putting himself into a box of "reformed good bad boy" and "I'm committing to the bit." and just dealing. Being a man like Warren is trying to teach him and not just...staying an unknown variable.

Now we incorporate Neo Batman and Bruce. Who have a very strict set of rules about what or who Batman is meant to be. And in a way, it's freeing his head to think about who Terry is outside of the cowl. Bruce is also a Queer Elder, he's seen plenty of people work through their identities and he works with Terry to find a label that fits.

That it doesn't have to be all or nothing, that it can change over time.

Experimentation is expected of teenagers. Splicing is a flat no because of his already precarious genetic status. And Terry likes hanging with his girls that are friends and his girlfriend. He does a mean eyeliner too. Terry is a lot happier.

Mary sighs "is this some late teenage rebellion against your father?"

"I...really don't know what he'd think. This isn't a spite thing. But I don't think he did - or you did anything wrong. It just took me some time to get out of my own head and realize."

"Well. You look settled. He'd be proud of you."

"Thanks ma."

[lonesome-witching]

How did you start shipping Ronance?

This is a bit of a long story but I will give it because I have time.

So before season 4 I had no interest in watching Stranger Things. It didn't seem like a show for me and in a way I was right with thinking that. And the story also doesn't start with the release of season 4.

It starts a few years earlier with the release of the Fear Street trilogy. Which I fell in love with. I even wrote my thesis on Fear Street: 1978. But in the first Fear Street Maya plays a character that gets killed in the first 10 minutes and yet it was enough to make me fall in love.

So, slowly I got into her music which caused my tik tok to become all Maya Hawke by the time I got tik tok. And it evolved from just edits to To Love a Boy to clips of her in the Stranger Things recap song on Jimmy Fallon. And so I watched the Stranger Things recap song like on repeat for her part in it.

Which then caused my tik tok to turn into clips from Stranger Things and a lot of them included clips from the Library ronance scene. And yet that wasn't entirely enough yet.

The last push came from a friend who totally tricked me. I wanted her to watch a show I was into and she said she would if I watched Stranger Things. I remember joking and saying I'd start at season 3 for Maya but she went ballistic so I watched the whole show. The reason I say she tricked me is because she never ended up watching the show I liked.

Anyway I ended up watching the show and the show on its own doesn't interest me that much but I quickly fell in love with the characters. Especially Nancy in season 1 and 2. I very quickly started seeing her as a comphet lesbian. So, when I get to Nancy and Robin actually meeting... I felt the love for the ship instantly.

It did take me a while to start writing fanfiction. I used to write for other fandoms (on a different account) and I was a bit hesitant on getting back into that because it takes up so much time. But then I was at work (my previous job at the same company I work for now, what can I say, they love me) and my boss was working somewhere else so I was alone and I get this idea for the very first ronance fic I ever wrote: Peaceful (With You). And well, I just had to write it. And the rest, I'm afraid, is history.

[airenyah]

QL Wrapped 2023

i was tagged by @nongnaos and @ranchthoughts thank youuu <333

i meant to upload this at the latest by december 31st, but the thing is when i saw the tag i was a little overwhelmed at first bc i didn't know how to fill it out and then once i had it all written out i had a super hard time deciding on what to gif and then it all ended up taking soooo much longer than planned. and now it's already 2024. oops. well, better late then never...

so without further ado:

You watched 12 QLs this year that's about 264 hours!

(i'm counting only qls that started airing 2023 bc i didn't keep track of every single show that i watched and it's a lot easier to count all the 2023 dramas on mdl lmao)

You primarily only watched QLs from Thailand

i blame my bachelor thesis for this which i was writing on the translation strategies of thai to eng and also the fact that i'm learning thai, so any time i watch a series i'm like "do i watch something from a country other than thailand tonight??" only for a little voice in my head to go "yeah but you COULD be spending your evening practicing thai listening skills" so yeah...

You spent way too much time thinking about these characters: Pat Napat Jindapat

listen. LISTEN. i know ok, i know bad buddy is from 2021 not from 2023. however!!!!! bad buddy was part of our skyy 2 and that included my boy pat and so i'm counting it!!!! i'm always thinking about pat napat jindapat ok bye

no for real tho. i am NOT kidding when i say i have spent hours on end thinking about pat in the year of our lord 2023, two full years after the show dropped:

maybe in 2024 i'll finally sit down and write that meta that's been in my head for two years now

Your favorite show was Moonlight Chicken

it's gotta be the chicken show for me. yeah. it just felt so... idk, real in a way. idk how to explain it. i'm not even obsessing over mlc all that much but any time it pops into my head i go all kinds of 😭😭😭 and 🥰🥰🥰

not to mention the firstmix

the heartliming

and most importantly earth and fourth as an uncle/nephew duo??

i am so🥺🥺🥺

special shoutout also to jimbo the cat (left) who looks almost exactly like coco, my family's cat (right):

Another one of your favorites was Last Twilight

just. the way p'aof shows relationships on screen okay. yeah.

i cry

You are still stuck in this hallway:

yeah i've been thinking about the yank-kiss-yeet scene from hidden agenda and joke breaking down afterwards in that very hallway for 19 weeks straight gay. bye.

The soundtracks you listened to the most were:

(according to my spotify wrapped top 5)

Just Friend? (Bad Buddy)

Our Song (Bad Buddy)

น้ำลาย (My School President Cover)

Secret (Bad Buddy)

yeah. i've given up on the "only 2023 media" thing. if we're talking songs only from series released in 2023 then i've got love love love (our skyy 2) on no. 32 and no more empty nights (our skyy 2) on no. 46 on my spotify wrapped

also if you're wondering what the 5th song (on no.3 in reality) from my top 5 was that's missing above where i only mentioned four songs, well, it's none other than tilly birds' same page? which yeah. is also bad buddy related. surprise surprise 🤭

Your overall bl mood was P'Aof

You created 15 gifsets (of which "only" 1/3 were about making other shows about bad buddy)

you can find them here

You shazammed 295 royalty free background music pieces/songs from thai dramas

fun fact: i haven't mentioned this publically yet but since thai dramas keep using the same music over and over again in various series i've actually started collecting the different songs/pieces and i'm planning on making a side blog about it. i just want to go through some more dramas first before i publish anything. so this is something you can look forward to in 2024 dkjfkfdj

currently shazamming my way through bad buddy (you may have seen my blorbo breakdown about pran in the ep4 sleepover scene the other week that was triggered by me shazamming all of ep4). next on the list: theory of love and the eclipse. it takes ages tho, so don't expect it any time soon

Your favorite acting pair was JoongDunk

(is anyone even surprised by this lol)

no but for real whatever these two have going on, i'm intrigued:

i just. i love their energy ok. they're fun. and they're clearly having fun

i couldn't decide on what to gif so here's a little compilation bc fuck it, this is my post and i get to do whatever the fuck i want

(actually there's more that i could have put in there but i didn't wanna waste any more time with posting this tag game and also i was trying to keep the compilation somewhat short lmao)

they are such silly little idiot boys ("little" says the 155cm tall short person about the 180+cm giants 🤭) and i adore them &lt;3

their energy is essentially this meme and i'm so here for it:

and they just communicate so well when they're performing and you never feel like either of them is "alone" on stage (doing his own thing in his own little bubble), it's SUCH a joy to watch!!!! once again plugging two of my all time fave performances that i've been rewatching over and over again for the last 3 months:

also dunk is just SO little brother-shaped to me idek!! looking at his face just makes me go into big sister mode. it doesn't help that he's only like a month or so older than my actual little brother. AND he reminds me a lot of one of my fave kids from my youth group that i used to go to for years. dunk natachai has klein-andi energy and you all don't know what that means but i know what that means as does my mom and she agrees. so.

tagging:

i feel so ashamed for not making it in time before 2023 ended so i'm not gonna tag anyone but if you see this and you really wanna do it bc you haven't done it yet then please do so and tag me because i say so!!

and mutuals, send me yours bc i'm not sure i saw everyone else's!!!! (@celestial-sapphicss @moonkhao @visualtaehyun @telomeke @waitmyturtles @dribs-and-drabbles did you guys do this already and if yes, send me yours? i must have missed it 🥺🥺🥺)