#so I can continue to play tomorrow
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Missed most of boop day because I was hyperfixating on Unicorn Overlord. Luckily, autoclickers exist to make up for lost time.
#tumblr finally let me boop people#Unicorn Overlord is so fun#I am going to be playing it for another 8-12 hours tomorrow probably#luckily we're in 'planning' for work#and have like 8 hours of meetings I only need to vaguely pay attention to#for most of the week#and I'm supposed to be just 'investigating' right now basically#so I can continue to play tomorrow#and just look at code on the weekend to make up for lost time
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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back on that EVP 999 badge grind wooo
#i'll continue tomorrow maybe? 300-400 in a day isnt the worst but mayb i'll play a bit more before 2am so i can get in some points#||lost kin doodles#splatoon#//vaporwave
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Having Incoherent Thoughts about Guybrush, he's just sorta getting rotated in my mind for now.
#Fiera Rambles#Monkey Island#bought Sea of Thieves solely to play Legend of Monkey Island but turns out my computer literally cannot run it#video driver errors upon bootup :/#so if I can't play that guess I'm just stuck putting this man in the Blorbo Rotator until I get a computer that can handle SoT#i should continue my replay of the series too...#onto Monkey Island 2 tomorrow then
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I just wrote a thousand words but every time i couldn't think of the right word i switched back from german. To english. To german. To English. The finished piece will be terrible and only i will enjoy it but i will have a shit eating grin onnmy face
#Havent had this much fun in a long time#Debating taking my laptop with me tomorrow when im sleeping over at my mothers house so that i can continue at night#But usually we play games until our eyes fall shut so it doesnt make a lot of sense to do so
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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i know it’s just that i’ve started act 2 and im progressing a lot of the plot right now, but it does come across as very funny that astarion is establishing a committed relationship with me right after congratulating me on doing all these morally dubious gaining-dark-powers things
the actual reason was because i didn’t make him drink that woman’s blood, but our last few conversations have been ‘wow i see you’re embracing your darker side 👀… how about we talk about ‘us’ now’
#personal#not to take away from the ‘thanks for not making me use my body to get what you want’#although i think that’s an interesting connection to draw too: he sees me doing questionable things for my own gain—#but i’m not doing that *to him*. surely that’s what love is right#bg3#ash plays bg3#what’s interesting to me is that i’m pretty sure these two things i’ve done (the shadow lantern and absorbing shadow magic from that corpse)#are exclusive to gale? so once again i’ve picked the perfect origin to have this kind of fun#maybe the lantern isn’t but it definitely has a lot of gale-specific dialogue#still haven’t faced any consequences and it’s even got me a boyfriend so i guess i’ll continue. this power’s looking good on you gale#i took a good screenshot of them kissing while astarion is covered in blood but i’m not on my computer rn so you don’t get to see it#i can post it tomorrow if people actually want it and remind me to
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if anything is going to happen to her i'll kill everyone in my party and then myself
#sheeshi plays ffxiv#ryne waters#thought i would do a little update on where i've come in the msq. with dawntrail releasing and stuff.#anyways this is a 'we love ryne waters' account now. thank you.#we just defeated the fourth lightwarden. night has returned. and nai is Not Having A Good Time#I saw that little thing of her struggling to contain it!!!!!!!!#i'm gonna be sad i won't be able to continue the msq for a few days. like i'm counting on not being able to do it for at least a week or so#bc i've heard horror stories of queue times being insane at release days.#to yap more about the msq so far:#i can see that it very much is a story about defiance / doing the impossible but also balance#and with a big emphasis on history and letting go of it / respecting the past but fighting for a better tomorrow.#for a long time thancred and minfilia (ryne) seemed unable to let go of the ghosts of the pasts. but now they can.#emet-selch seems like that too: there's multiple instances where he is very nostalgic about stuff#and now that we've learned that he basically wants to bring back the world of his people............... yeah i can see the parallels.#while thancred and ryne move forward - he lingers.#anyway. love it. best expansion so far imo. feels like a game on it's own.
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Lowkey losing it right now cuz I found out that Pedro Pascal played a goth character some point down the line and I'm getting major "young Roland in his rebel phase" vibes from him.
I mean-
Look at him. Mel's kinda, sorta, not really dad everyone.
#Roland never had a face claim or anything#But I gotta say Pedro Pascal reminds me a lot of him#Nonsims#saviorhide#Oc: Roland Lynch#Really motivated to continue working on Volatile rn#Sadly my body isn't really playing along right now#So I hope I'll feel better tomorrow and maybe can work on some scenes#Gif warning
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365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 253
Adjective: Remarkable
Noun: Soul
Definitions for those who need/want them:
Remarkable: worthy of attention, or striking
Soul: the spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal; a person's moral or emotional nature or sense of identity; emotional or intellectual energy or intensity, especially as revealed in a work of art or an artistic performance; African American culture or ethnic pride; soul music; the essence or embodiment of a specified quality; an individual person; a person regarded with affection or pity
#im late this time because ive been playing a lot of splatoon (it is splatfest right now after all)#speaking of which those close friends who hurt/betrayed me yesterday continued to do so today if not more so#so that was great and i love that for me#im hoping something changes tomorrow and i can get an explanation or an apology#i mean i would just like some acknowledgement at the very least#other than that id say my girlfriend and i had a great day together#anyhoo i love this prompt#it makes me think of the disney-pixar film entitled 'soul'#and how all of us matter and have significance and all of our lives matter and have significance#so thats probably going to be what i write about#thanks for reading#writing#writer#creative writing#writing prompt#writeblr#trying to be a writeblr at least
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I've just been playing the new cotl update for most of the day and I'm so so close to being done with the main new story bits I think but it's also past midnight but also I'm so excited idk if I'll be able to sleep but also god damn do I need to sleep
#rat rambles#and I know I wont have long to play when I wake up tomorrow since my friends will probably wanna continue our dont starve save#and I wanna too which is why I wont say no if they do but also aghhhhhh#Ill be able to finish it once they have to go to bed but thats so long Ill have to wait 😔#anyways I saved kalamar for last since hes the hardest originally but based off my current load out I think Ill be fine#aka literally every other bishop died in seconds due to my bomb demon being over level 30 lol#Im so glad they seem to scale further now its soooooo funny walking into a room with a boss and just watching them immediately explode#also Ive been using the golden fleece more and its been going pretty well#I got up to over 500% damage one run that was cool#Ive barely been touching the heavy attacks tho but tbf thats partially cause of keyboard mapping#Ive been having so so much fun with this update tho even if Im not a huge fan of a few aspects#this has brought so much more life to the combat portion to the game for me I havent had this much fun with the combat in a while#I do still need to collect all the rellics tho Im working on it#I also feel like I should buy all the new cards but man. none of them seem very appealing to me tbh#that is one of my big problems with cotl in general getting new cards can make it harder to get the more fun or useful ones#most of the actually useful cards are the base ones or ones given to you mostly for free#everything else is mildy useful or at least fun at best and actively useless at worst#like. ooo drop ichor on hit. wow. honestly give me deaths door at that point like jesus
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I've only thought about Freelancer all day today. Step aside work, my real job begins in 45 minutes.
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#personal#really trying not to be bitter about how today was supposed to be the last full day of my vacation#where I hung out with ppl I really liked in a national park and hiked/had a fun picnic as a sendoff for finally getting to see them offline#and instead I was at work. serving ppl pizza bc our kitchen staff couldn't come in. dealing with the temps dropping down to sub 40s#like in isolation today really was a chill day I feel good. but in comparison it's just 🥲🙃#but whatever#things shook out how they did and there's nothing I can do about it now#this damn situation fucked up my entire march I will not continue brooding through the rest of april#I'm gonna play cyberpunk with friends tomorrow. have tentative plans to hang out with another friend next week#folks at work are happy to see me back and despite it all I had a good vacation#people who know me like me! so there!
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sometimes life is just not doing a Task and then feeling guilty about not doing it but continuing to put it off and then getting trapped in a cycle of guilt -> misery -> procrastination -> more misery -> not doing anything not even fun stuff cuz ur too guilty but also too miserable to do the damn thing. and then u have to drag urself kicking and screaming to the task and go HEY. DO IT. and then u do it and everythigns fine again <3
#i havent yet gotten to the Actually Doing It stage this time around#but i know from experience that all will be well once i get the thing done#its literally just homework. for a class that im not taking for college credit so literally who cares (i CAN transfer my credits later but#for $400 and i doubt im gonna have that much money to spare + i dont care that much lol im fine on credits)#and then hw for a class that i Am taking for credit but it's only pass/fail. my point is that the stakes are not very high for these#assignments i should be able to bang em out super fast. but im crazy so i keep not doing that and then the cycle continues#tomorrow for sure. i will get them done tomorrow for SURE.#in the meantime im going to continue endlessly snacking and playing minecraft and reading! i got new books! so thats fun#ive been succumbing to the misery for too many days now it needs to stop. the procrastination can continue but the misery is unbearable#audie talks
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oh this guy in metropolis is played by fritz rasp oh i want to steal his name fairy style
#original nonsense#personal#ppl in 1920s german were just named fritz i guess.#^ fritz rasp plays 'the thin man' (guy who is spying on freder)#RUR MENTIONED ON THE WIKIPEDIA PAGE FOR THIS MOVIE.#okay anyways i wanted 2 say that i really like joh and rotwang's scenes tofether where joh is so stony-faced while rotwang is#incredibly exuberant and gesturing wildly. love it#hes also a little creepy. ::-)#wahh the amazing scale and artistry of this movie will never cease to amaze..#but in a movie about the perils of capitalism and forced labour u have to wonder if everyone involved in this movie was fairly compensated.#this is my movie liveblog post now ::-) anyways i think its interesting that rotwang plays both sides.#they shouldve had rotwang do more cool stuff with his robot hand like crush a beer can and stuff.#I FEEL SO BAD FOR MARIA when shes scampering around the catacombs. LET HER OUTTT#DIES IRAE JUMPSCARE#rotwang is on nobidys side hes serving himself by playing everyone else and then ruining them. kind of based#okay im done for noe i have to watch the tingler. il continue tomorrow#HI IM BACK. anyways im confused what is the plan with (machine) maria. she seems to mostly bc tearing apart#the upper class and not the lower class like planned. ??#<- OKAY NVM WE can see that the false maria is indeed f--king up both sides. while the real is being kept somewhere. nvm#aw theres a lost scene where joh and rotwang fight i wouldve liked 2 see that.#georgiy dying is so sad he did like f--k all this whole movie he shouldve been alive to do more fuuu <- this isnt a writing complaint its#just me being sad for him.#i love all the nonsense machinery in this movie.#poor maria does so much running around in terror in this movie ;;--;;#and so does freder tbh.
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Part Five
Can't stop thinking about the attempt of reconciliation and reader ain't having it. Our girl is going to be wilddddd y'all. Also goodnight. See y'all tomorrow (maybe)
You call Meredith when you get home.
You. Are. Fuming. She's not sure she can ever remember a time you using so many swear words at one time.
How fucking dare them? Immature? You're the immature one? You were the one trying your best to salvage four failing relationship meanwhile none of those assholes could be bothered to try and keep one. They had one person to manage: you.
"I wanna go out this weekend." "Wear something tight and borderline risk indecent exposure."
"You know what I always say," Meredith begins. "The best way to get over someone-"
"is to get under someone else." You finish. You weren't exactly keen on the idea of bringing someone to your bed just yet, but a little attention would do you some good. "I don't want to fuck someone just yet." You admitted. "I'm more on the getting drunk and making out."
"I didn't know we resorted back secondary school heavy petting?" She teased.
"University, Dear." You corrected. "I didn't peak until after I graduated."
"No." She argued. "You didn't put your books down long enough to realize that boys actually wanted to fuck you." You were glad she couldn't see you roll your eyes. "Saturday work for you? I have a late night Friday and won't be up for it."
"That works."
"Sorry." She apologized. "I plan on getting you absolutely smashed so I need to be ready to play the nanny. I know how you love to get drunk and run off."
It was true. You had always found it hilarious when you were drunk to just run. Quite literally run away. It got to a point during university where Meredith would handcuff you to her so you didn't stray.
"I won't run." Your sober mind promised.
"Uh huh." Meredith's tone told you that she knew that was a load of shit. "I'll text Tabs. Let her know the plan."
The next day at the shop was pretty uneventful. No more unexpected visitors. You still had them all blocked. Not caring if now they decided to offer up some bullshit apology.
Months. This had been a steady decline for six months. A text or a simply sorry won't fix this. You weren't sure anything could.
But it didn't matter. You were done and they obviously were too.
You had picked up enough take out to feed a family, but you didn't plan on making your lunch before work or cooking when you got home. The rest of the week you planned on just going through the motions until you could go out Saturday and hopefully get everything out.
You weren't paying attention as you walked down the hallway to your flat. Fishing in your purse for keys. You were at almost at your door when you saw him.
Sitting next to your door was a familiar face. A face you felt you haven't seen in forever.
“What are you doing here, Kyle?" Your voice was flat as you continued to blindly try and find your keys with one hand. Fuck. You really need to clean out your purse...
“My key wouldn’t work.” He explained. "So I’m out here.”
"I'm aware why you're not in my apartment since I changed the locks," you said, trying to keep your irritation at bay. "What I am asking is why did you come here?"
"You won't return any of our messages."
"You're all blocked, so technically I didn't really get any messages." "Besides, you don't get to complain to me about not responding to texts, Kyle Garrick." Your fingers finally wraps around them. God bless. "If you're here for your things, it'll have to wait. I have to sort through everyone's shit and I don't know whose is whose."
"We need to talk." He explains as you put the key into the lock, opening the door.
"Nah," you say scrunching your nose in that way he used to adore. "I'm good. But you can swing by tomorrow and pick up your things if you'd like." You say before trying to shut the door on him. You were stupid in thinking you could be faster than him.
Dammit.
"I know things haven't been good and I've definitely could have been better,'' he admits. "But can you at least try and let us apologize? Let us try and work it out."
"No." You answered, trying to close the door. Not caring if you had to resort to kicking his shins to get him out.
"Why not?" He countered.
“Maybe because I've already tried, Kyle?” You gave up on trying to shut him out. You were strong, but he didn't have any issues in besting you. “Because I actually tried with you. With all of you. You didn’t need to come here giving me excuses about your life being hectic because I’ve made the excuses for you.” You didn't miss how he practically flinched. He had always blamed his busy life. Family. Work. You stopped caring about whatever excuse he gave you and realized it was just that. An excuse. “I’ve been telling myself for months that everything you guys didn’t do for me wasn’t because you didn’t care about me. It was because of the stress of your deployments is the reason none of you tell me when you get back from until it’s time to fuck. I tell myself it’s because of the fucked up situation of me being with all of you that makes it awkward to meet your families. Families you all have that I now know I’m not worthy of meeting.” He wanted to correct you. You were. You were worthy. He was an idiot. “It’s not that I need your excuses to make me feel like what you did was justified. No matter what it was, it was apparently to you because you did it.”
He took a step back, processing everything you had said. He had been selfish. You were the reliable constant in his life. Someone he believed he never disappointed. Someone he couldn't disappoint no matter how many times he fucked up.
You took the opportunity to slam the door. Quickly turning the lock before he had a chance to open it back up.
God...
That felt good.
You had spent that evening collecting their thing in case Kyle did show back up tomorrow. You wouldn't make their lives easier by sorting all their shit and organizing it. Everything. One box. Let them figure it out. You almost had a mind to add a shirt that you knew didn't belong to any of them just to have them argue over it. Or least make them think there was someone else...
You were almost tempted if not for the premise that you wanted them to realize this was their fault. Their fuck up. But now that you were officially all broken up, you were free game.
#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty#john soap mactavish#angst with a happy ending#angst#grovel#jealousy
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