#so I can come back to it when I remember hmmm maybe live-blogging the horrors is uh. not something I want reminding of constantly

[thecryptidbard]

Everyone who’s sent asks/messages of late: ily all you’re all truly the kindest humans, i am still kind of going through the horrors rn and struggling to reply but am alive & promise I will reply soon & please know your messages have meant the world to me <333

[purple-emo]

Princess Lavinia: Chapter One

Description: Roman projects his feelings onto a fictional character. Things get out of hand.

Pairings: Platonic prinxiety has a lot of focus in this chapter, but the real pairing here is Roman x depression

Warnings: Suicide, suicidal ideation, dissociation(?)

Notes: Seriously, don’t read this if you’re not in the appropriate frame of mind to read about suicide. Also, first fic on the new blog! Yay!

Roman’s adventures with Princess Lavinia started off fairly innocent. He’d made himself a small kingdom in the mind palace in which to conduct magical adventures, and, with the other sides frequently too busy to join him in his exploits, it wasn’t long before Roman saw the need to create an adventuring companion as well. She was the archetypal fairytale princess: pretty, kind, and able to fill any role that the narrative required of her. Because she was created by Roman, Lavina lacked the capacity to do anything that Roman’s own imagination could not conceive, but, as the embodiment of creativity, he didn’t feel at all restricted by this limitation. Lavinia quickly became one of Roman’s favourite hobbies: when he needed a break from his work, he would excuse himself to his kingdom. There, he would act out a variety of stories with Lavinia: saving her from dragons; exploring ancient ruins with her; defending their kingdom from armies of hostile elves. The many enemies they slayed left no corpses behind, instead exploding into red rose petals. Death was messy, and Roman thought it best to avoid dealing with it too directly.

“You’re my best friend,” he had Lavinia say after one particularly eventful quest, “and I would slay all the monsters in the world with nothing but a hand fan just to keep you safe.”

“Oh, that’s good,” he replied, writing the line down in his notebook. His adventures with Lavinia were an excellent source of dialogue. Later, he had her do exactly the thing she had described, and then did it himself just to see what it was like. It was wonderful.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Gradually, Roman found himself spending more time with Lavinia than with the other sides or Thomas. He loved his friends, but his interactions with them didn’t quite sparkle the way his stories did. Nobody and nothing was dramatic enough, or emotional enough, or real enough, except for that one little piece of the mind palace and the make-believe Princess living in it. Everything else in Roman’s life felt unbearably boring, and although his friends made things a lot more tolerable, they could never compete with the products of his own imagination.

One afternoon, while they were enjoying a picnic after a successful battle, Lavinia turned to Roman with a frown. “Are you okay?” She asked. “Your heart didn’t really seem to be in it today.”

“Oh, it’s nothing.” He stared down at his untouched sandwich.

“It’s not nothing! You can talk to me about anything, Roman. That’s what I’m here for, I think.”

Roman sighed. “I don’t know,” he replied. “I guess the whole… fairytale adventure thing feels a bit hollow right now.” So does everything else, he nearly added. “I think right now I’d prefer something more…” he gestured vaguely, trying to find the right word.

“Mature?” Lavinia suggested.

“Maybe. I think what I want is emotional depth. Swordfights and dragons are fun, but I think I’m not really feeling it right now.”

“Hmmm…” Lavinia looked down and fidgeted with her hair, taking in this new information. After a few seconds, she met Roman’s eyes again, sorrow written clearly in her expression. “I’m cursed,” she announced. “Someone has taken my heart and locked it up in a faraway, secret place, so that I can never really be human again.”

Roman scribbled excitedly in his notebook, letting a wave of sorrow and pity wash over him. It felt beautiful. “That’s terrible. How can we break the curse?”

Lavinia stared at Roman in silence for a few seconds, and he suddenly felt as if she was looking directly into his soul. “I don’t think we can,” she said.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

For the next few weeks, Roman spent most of his time with Lavinia, fleshing out her backstory. He wrote it all down in his notebook for future reference: Lavinia’s villainous twin sister, exiled to a distant land for her crimes; her desperate desire to impress her father, the king—all of it was carefully summarized in neat, princely handwriting for incorporation in future creative projects. Roman felt genuinely passionate for the first time in a while. Meeting with Lavinia and learning more about her became the highlight of his day; the stab of sorrow he felt in his gut whenever she disclosed something particularly tragic was invigorating. It made him feel so much more alive than he had in weeks. And then—

“I shouldn’t be alive,” said Lavinia.

Roman had, on some level, seen it coming. After all, he was the one coming up with Lavinia’s lines, however passively. This did not prevent him from nearly dropping his notebook in shock. It hurt to hear her say that, and he loved it.

“Why?” He asked her.

“I’ve been thinking about the curse,” Lavinia explained, “and the more I think about it, the clearer it becomes that I was wrong. It wasn’t a curse at all; I had no heart to take because I was never real enough to have one. This body,” she ran a shaking hand along her arm, “people like to make up stories about it. They imagine that it is a princess, and that her name is Lavinia, and that she is kind and cheerful and brave,” Lavinia was crying, “but it’s a corpse, and I am a ghost who has stolen it.”

“What are you going to do now?” asked Roman. He noticed a small knife in Lavinia’s hand. How long had it been there?

“I don’t know,” Lavinia admitted, staring down at the knife. “Too many people think Lavinia is real. I don’t want to disappoint them.”

The knife quickly dissolved into rose petals, and Roman felt a strange sense of disappointment as he watched them slip through Lavinia’s fingers.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

It was three days before Lavinia went through with it. When she pressed the knife to her throat, Roman begged her not to do it. He didn’t mean it of course (the whole scenario was still his idea); he just felt like it would ruin the immersion for him to just stand around and do nothing. Inevitably, she cut her throat. Inevitably, Roman held her in his arms and watched blood flow from the wound with the detached voyeurism of an author writing a tragedy. Inevitably, she exploded into a shower of rose petals.

Roman stayed sitting on the floor for a while, blood on his clothes and rose petals in his hands. His heart was racing, and he felt like his whole body was soaked with sweat. That beautiful, overwhelming sword of pain was stabbing through his heart with an intensity he had never before felt. It was agonizing, and it was glorious.

Roman snapped his fingers, and Lavinia was back in front of him, unharmed.

She went for the knife immediately.

They went through the scenario five more times, trying out different lines, different actions on Roman’s part, different ways for Lavinia to hurt herself. Roman was preparing himself for another run-through when he felt himself being pulled out of the mind palace.

He rose up in his usual spot. “Roman—“ Thomas, who had evidently summoned him, cut himself off with a gasp. “Oh my gosh. Are you okay?”

Roman glanced around the room. Patton, Logan, and Virgil were all there in addition to Thomas, and all of them were staring at Roman with varying amounts of horror and concern. Roman abruptly remembered that he was covered in blood.

“Don’t worry,” he assured Thomas. “It’s not mine.”

Nobody looked particularly comforted by the clarification. “Do I want to know?” asked Thomas.

“Probably not. Anyway, what’s the situation?”

“Recently,” Logan explained, “Thomas has noticed that many of his ideas are much more melancholy in tone than usual. Remus swears that he isn’t the one responsible, so, logically, it must be due to your influence that Thomas is having these ideas.”

Panic filled Roman’s chest. “I’m sorry—“

Thomas cut him off. “I’m not mad. I’m totally fine with using darker concepts in my work if that’s what you think is best. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“You haven’t been talking as much lately,” Patton added, “and some of the concepts you’re giving Thomas are a bit… out of the ordinary for you.” He made eye contact, looking noticeably concerned. “We just want you to know that you can talk to us if there’s something wrong.”

Anguish returned to Roman’s chest, feeling more agonizing than cathartic. He’d failed. He’d let his feelings get in the way of his work, and now everyone thought there was something wrong, and they were all looking at him with those kind, worried expressions that he knew he didn’t deserve.

What would they think if they knew what he’d been doing all afternoon? Roman glanced down at the blood on his clothes and decided that everything was fine. It had to be.

Roman laughed, perhaps a bit too loudly. “Thank you all, but I’m fine, really. I just wanted to try some new ideas. On a scale of one to ten, how much do you love them?”

Virgil stared suspiciously at him from across the room. “Do your ‘new ideas’ involve you rising up covered in blood and looking like you just saw a serial killer? I saw the look on your face when Thomas summoned you. There’s something you’re not telling us.”

“I was having one of my adventures just now, and things got a little intense,” Roman said, his heart racing. “Not everything has some deep hidden meaning behind it, The Smell Jar.”

“That was childish, even for you,” said Virgil, “but I like the Sylvia Plath reference.”

“Ah, Sylvia Plath,” said Logan. “Did you know that, in addition to her writing, she also made visual art?”

Roman’s strange behaviour forgotten, the conversation moved on.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Over the next several weeks, Roman found himself with less and less motivation to do anything but run through stories with Lavinia. He told himself that he was still being productive—he continued to write things down in case they came in handy for a future creative project, even though his “adventures” in the kingdom were all far too violent and depressing to ever be turned into something useful for Thomas. Roman hardly ever wanted to tell stories about anything other than suicide. It was, of course, only a matter of time before things escalated further.

One day, after around the eighth time Lavinia had died, Roman realized that his usual routine was starting to get boring. That dazzling anguish in his chest was diminishing in intensity. He needed something more real, something more personal. He needed—

Roman snapped his fingers, and Lavinia appeared looking much more alert than she had in weeks.

“I want to die,” he told her.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

That day, Roman attempted suicide nine times. None of it was real, of course, but he did his best to make it feel real. Lavinia pulled him close, kept him back from the windowsill, repeated over and over again every reason Roman could think of for him to stay alive. He told himself it was only acting. By the third time, he felt as if he was on the verge of tearing in half: one part of him, his body made of shaking, warm metaphysical flesh, stayed with its feet planted firmly on the ground. The rest of him drifted in and out of sync with his body, bobbing and pulling up to the sky like a balloon tied to his wrist. At the time, it seemed overwhelmingly important to Roman that he find a way to cut the string: it was strange, being only halfway outside of his body. He would have greatly preferred to drift away entirely, to break into pieces and sail through the sky to places unknown.

He told himself it was only acting.

It was fairly late in the afternoon when Roman remembered his notebook. Head still spinning from the previous several hours, he reached into his pocket and found it empty. He’d forgotten the notebook. In its place, Roman summoned a slip of paper and a pen. He’d copy his notes down later.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Roman headed back to his room a few minutes later. He still felt somewhat disconnected from his body, but the feeling was fading fast. He made an effort to notice the colours of things. White walls. Brown rug. Black shoes. Roman was still naming colours when he opened the door to his bedroom and saw Virgil pacing nervously around the room.

At the sound of the door opening, Virgil turned to look at him. His eyeshadow was smudged, and he looked like he’d been crying. He was holding his phone in one hand and Roman’s notebook in the other.

There was a long pause. Roman internally braced himself for yelling, or crying, or deeply awkward emotional conversation.

“You weren’t answering your phone,” Virgil said finally.

Roman gestured to his dresser, where his phone sat partially obscured by a small stack of loose paper. “I didn’t have it with me.” He watched Virgil quickly type something. “What are you doing?”

“I’m texting Patton. I was worried, so I asked him to go look for you.”

“Oh.” Roman suddenly felt very nervous. “I’m sorry. Does he know about…?”

“This?” Virgil held up the notebook. “No. I found it when I was in here looking for my nail polish.”

Roman walked over to a nearby drawer and produced a bottle of black nail polish with a little Jack Skellington face on its lid. He’d ‘borrowed’ it a few weeks prior for some now-abandoned photography project, and subsequently forgotten about it. “Here.” He handed it to Virgil.

“Thanks,” said Virgil, slipping the bottle into his hoodie pocket. “I’d remind you to stay out of my room, but it looks like we have more important things to worry about right now.”

There was another pause. “You probably want to talk about that, don’t you?” said Roman, gesturing to the notebook in Virgil’s hand.

“Yeah. Can we go somewhere else—I mean, if you’re comfortable—”

Roman waved a hand, and suddenly they were in the castle he’d created for Lavinia. The light of a full moon streamed through a floor length window, illuminating the antique-looking couch that was the centerpiece of the room. An archway opposite the window led out to a pristine, wallpapered hallway. “Is this good?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Virgil said nervously. He walked to one of the couches and sat down with strained formality. Roman quietly took a seat next to him. “So, um… first question: who’s Princess Lavinia?”

“She’s a character I created. This,” he gestured to the room around them, “is where she lives. I come here when I’m craving adventure.”

“So, she’s like an imaginary friend?”

“Basically. She’s upstairs, if you want to meet her.”

“I…” Virgil glanced down at the notebook. “No thanks. I want to talk to you. Second question: what’s the deal with this notebook?”

“That’s where I document my adventures with Lavinia, in case they come in handy for scriptwriting or something similar.

Virgil nodded. “Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I guess what I have to ask is… why all the suicide? Like, at least half of this notebook is just Princess Lavinia killing herself in different ways. That’s not exactly an ‘adventure.’ It sounds more like you’re having some kind of mental breakdown that you cope with by standing in an imaginary castle and watching a fictional character die over and over, which is honestly pretty concerning.”

“I am not having ‘some kind of mental breakdown,’” Roman insisted. “I am acting. What, am I not allowed to tell stories with emotional depth?” That last question came out a lot more aggressively than Roman had intended, but before he could apologize, Virgil was already responding.

“This isn’t emotional depth! This is the same emotion repeated over and over for, like, forty pages!” Virgil paused. “Is this what you were doing that day you showed up covered in blood?”

“Yeah. That was basically when it started.”

Virgil paused, taking in this information. “That was a month and a half ago,” he said, horrified.

Roman felt sweaty. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. You don’t need to worry—”

“Have you forgotten who you’re talking to?” snapped Virgil. “Of course I’m going to worry! I’m Anxiety, and you’ve been roleplaying suicide fantasies with your weird self-insert OC for—” he stood up and flipped frantically through the pages of the notebook. “Have you been doing this every day?”

Roman nodded, very much wishing he could escape the conversation.

Virgil swore quietly. “This explains so much.”

Roman stood up and awkwardly extended a hand to comfort him. “It’s really not that big of a deal.” He was suddenly aware of an inexplicable sense of urgency.

Virgil stepped backwards, avoiding Roman’s touch. “Not that big of a deal? Are you kidding me? You barely talk to anyone at all anymore, you give Thomas either weirdly depressing ideas or nothing at all, and you literally spend all your free time thinking about suicide. If you actually think you’re in any way okay, then you’re either deeply in denial or a complete idiot.”

“I’m not…” Roman trailed off. Somehow, he couldn’t think of a rebuttal. He went over the past few months in his mind and realized that Virgil was right. “I haven’t been myself,” he admitted, sinking back onto the couch. “I don’t think I’m even real, actually.” Roman buried his face in his hands, fighting back tears. He was suddenly very conscious of how exhausted he felt.

The room was silent for several long seconds.

“What do you mean?” asked Virgil.

Roman looked up, and saw that Virgil had quietly taken a seat next to him. What did Roman mean? Of course he wasn’t real—none of them were, but Roman’s words had meant something more than that. Looking at Virgil, he got an impression of existence that he hadn’t gotten from himself in a long time. Virgil was Virgil, in a way that Roman could never hope to be Roman. It occurred to him that perhaps he’d been projecting onto Lavinia a bit more than he’d realized.

“I’m supposed to be better than this,” said Roman. “I’m supposed to be Prince Roman, source of Thomas’ hopes and dreams. I’m supposed to be Creativity. I’m supposed to be kind, and charming, and brave, but I’m just…” he trailed off. “If I can’t give him anything to look forward to, what good am I? Why should I exist?”

Roman hadn’t expected himself to say that. “This is a problem,” he said through tears, “isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” said Virgil. They sat in silence for a moment before he spoke again. “Look, um… it might not mean much, because our situations are kind of different, but I used to think that I didn’t contribute anything useful, and that everyone would be better off without me, and that it wouldn’t matter if I removed myself from the equation. Do you remember what happened when I actually left?”

Roman stared thoughtfully at the carpet. “Thomas became a complete fool with no inhibitions.”

“Right! Because I was wrong, and so are you.”

Roman considered this for a moment. The words were so simple, and yet, somehow, Virgil’s reassurance felt so much more comforting than any of the things he’d had Lavinia say to talk him down. “That… actually helps a lot. Thank you.”

“Anytime.” Virgil crossed his arms thoughtfully. “We should probably tell Thomas to see a therapist or something. If you’re… like this, he probably isn’t doing great either, whether he realizes it or not.”

Roman nodded. “That’s probably a good idea. Just…” he hesitated, “can we keep this a secret? The things I just told you about, I mean.”

“Are you sure?” asked Virgil. “It seems like something he should know about.”

“I’m sure.” Roman felt a surge of panic. He couldn’t let the others know. He wasn’t quite able to explain to himself why, but it felt crucial that everything he and Virgil had discussed should remain between the two of them. “I don’t want to have that conversation yet. Besides, maybe therapy will fix it. If Thomas feels better, I’ll feel better, and then we won’t have to bring it up at all.”

Virgil looked doubtful, but nodded anyway. “Okay,” he said. “I won’t tell anyone, but I’m holding onto the notebook. If you ever seem like you aren’t safe, I’m not keeping this a secret.”

Fair enough. “Deal,” said Roman, holding out his hand to shake. Virgil started to reach for it, but paused.

“Wait,” said Virgil. “One more thing. Actually, two more things. Number one: I want us to stay here tonight, because I really don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone.”

Roman thought back to the day’s events, neatly recorded on the slip of paper concealed in his pocket. He had a feeling that if Virgil knew the exact details of what he’d been doing, he would be requesting a lot more than permission to supervise him for a single night.

“That’s probably a good idea,” Roman admitted. “What else?”

“This is more of an offer than a request, but,” Virgil nervously ran his fingers along a seam on his sleeve, “I could join you here sometimes, if you want. Just so you won’t be spending all day alone with your thoughts.”

Roman thought for a moment. “Are you open to the possibility of magical adventures?”

“Sure,” said Virgil. “But only real adventures; no weirdly-emotionally-intense-and-bordering-on-self-harm adventures.”

Roman had a feeling that he might regret this later, but he had a much stronger feeling that Virgil’s offer was exactly what he needed. “Perfect,” he said. They shook hands.

Virgil gave a small, relieved smile, which Roman returned. He wondered how long it had been since the last time he’d genuinely smiled. A few days? A week? A month?

They fell asleep on the couch, listening to the Death Note musical on Virgil’s phone.

[gogoseabrook]

1000th post!🎉🎉🎉

We got there! We did it! 

I want to say thanks to everyone in the fandom for making it such a welcoming space and making me want to make a thousand posts here. I wouldn’t still be here if it weren’t for how awesome you all are. This really is a family more than a fandom and I love everyone for that 💖

And all the questions I received up until now are right here below the read more, so let’s just jump into it:

From @kokinu09: F*ck, Marry, Kill: Zed, Addison, Bucky 😂

You would choose this for me!

Okay, so...first off this is an incredibly weird thing for me to do, but I'll try my best 😂😅 I am also going to use the whole 'Bed, Wed, Behead' rhyme because...well, PG blog trying to avoid that awful profanity (I kid, but y'know how it goes around here 😂) so:

Bed: I guess based on character *age* I'd have to go with Bucky, and actor age too, as I believe of the 3 available Bucky is the only one not supposed to be like...under the age of consent. And Trevor is the only one in his 20's of the bunch so...yeah 😂😂

Wed: ...I guess Addison? Is there a rule we have to stay married? If not, a quick an easy annulment and, if we do, it'll be a marriage of convenience and we'll both do our own thing without caring too much. A nice easy solution 😅

Behead: I mean...some hc’s are that zombies can detach body parts, right? So that means in theory you could remove the head and nothing bad would happen? 😂 even just kill...zombies are technically undead as is, so I wouldn't have to do anything. Long live loopholes! 😂😂

From @kokinu09:  Favorite character in Mario Cart /Kart:

I...don't tend to play all that much, it's been quite a while since my last foray....but if I remember right I tended to go with Peach, Waluigi or Yoshi. Idk why, but those names stick out to me as memorable 😂

From @keepswingin​:  How old are you/when is your birthday (I am so interested by peoples ages because I enjoy guessing and I already guessed that you’re older than me soooo maybe 22/23ish?)

I am 22 and my birthday is in early October 😊 You were right on the money with that guess!

From @keepswingin​:  What is your favorite thing to write (fluff angst drama, etc)

Ooooh, that’s a tough one! Truthfully I enjoy writing all genres, and different styles too because part of what I love most about writing is improving my ability, which is why I love feedback so much (not so subtle hint that I’m always up for critique here 😂), and I think one of the best ways to improve is to keep a broad horizon, so I enjoy challenging myself with all kinds of types of writing!

I’d say my absolute favourite is probably...drama, though. I think one of the best elements of any good story is a great conflict that drives the characters through the plot, and drama’s one of the best ways to bring that out. Plus with drama you can play with other elements like angst, mystery, etc, so I love getting to try and throw that in!

From @keepswingin:  Are you an only child? Do you have any siblings?

I am... not an only child! I have one sibling, so I come from a fairly small family 😊

From @keepswingin:  Something you’ve always enjoyed (book, show, movie, etc)

Hmmm...it’s gonna sound cheesy, but improvement. I’m a perfectionist at heart, and part of just my personality is that I love trying new things. But at the same time, I want to be the best I can be at whatever I do, and really push myself in new directions and work as hard as I can to achieve whatever potential I have, and maybe if I’m really lucky I can push beyond that.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I’m always successful, or that life doesn’t get in the way, but it’s definitely something I’ve enjoyed ever since I was a little kid.

Also, the movie Stardust. It’s a go to and I love it. 😊😂

From @keepswingin: favourite hobby?

Well, I tend to keep up with a lot of hobbies, so it’s difficult to pick one...

Having said that, I’ve done horse riding ever since I was 3. I was around horses since practically birth, so I grew up as one of those horse girls way past the phase when it was considered acceptable, and was going to go into the equestrian business for a long, long time! 

I have had a break from horse riding, but I’m going back to it again and it really brings me so much joy that, even though I adore my other hobbies, I have to admit horse riding is one that holds a special place in my heart.

From @keepswingin: Do you like video games/have you played any?

I’m not huge on video games, but I’m certainly not averse to them either!

I enjoy a good let’s play (cause I’m cheap and poor and it means I don’t have to buy a ton of games and/or consoles or ‘git good’ as it were) but don’t tend to play a lot of games myself, though I like watching stuff that’s either action, horror, or story-based, as those really do tend to appeal to my tastes.

That being said I am currently involved in a weekly gaming night regarding the game Danganronpa, which is a lot of fun and I highly recommend it, and I also dabble in the Sims from time to time, like a lot of people (ya girl basic 😂)

From @keepswingin: Favourite book?

Oooh, that’s hard! I have a nostalgic place in my heart for the Inheritance Cycle by Christopher Paolini as one of the first YA fantasy series I read at like...10/11, which were so much fun.

But, as I am now...I tend to stick to the classics, or non-fiction if I’m honest (I’m boring, I know, judge me 😂) so I’d say Pride and Prejudice, as well as the Picture of Dorian Grey, are also up there in terms of favourites. That and biographies on figures like Leonardo Da Vinci are just endlessly fascinating to me. Also just...anything by Shakespeare. Man was an absolute genius.

From @keepswingin: If you don’t have a favourite book, a favourite author & the last book you read?

Well, at the moment my favourite author is a four way tie between Austen, Shakespeare, Wilde and Kazuo Ishiguro.

Speaking of, the last book I read in regards to fiction is actually the Buried Giant by Ishiguro that I’m currently working through. Non-fiction, it is currently...The Art of War by Sun Tzu.

From @fist-it-out: I have a question, a burning question: do you have siblings? How many what gender and are you a middle child? Middle child’s rule (me and keeps are middle kids).

I have one sibling, as told to @keepswingin, they're a sister and they're older. But there's only 2 of us so I'm the baby of the family (at the tender age of 22 😂😅)

Aaaaand that’s it! I didn’t receive any more questions in time for this post going up, so from now on, I will be going back to being as reticent about info as I’ve always been! Any more questions you will have to hold off on, as whilst you are always free to ask them, my ‘open book’ period of time has officially been slammed closed!

Nevertheless, thank you for all the questions, and I hope the answers were interesting enough for everyone! 

And now back to our regularly scheduled posting 😊

[2minutes2midnight]

AoS rewatch: 1x09 Repairs (1/2)

I really like this episode, it’s a little bit scary, we found out more about May’s past, we had pranks, cute Fitzsimmons, and team moments. So all I need ;). Also a lot of foreshadowing...

I catch some flu or something, and had headache for past three days so I had problem to really focus on this episode and remember all things I thought when I watch it for the first time. So this time it’s all in one - me live-blogging and little bit of my thoughts.

When I watch this first time I really thought she had mind powers or something ;)

May and Ward....that’s weird to see. It was weird the first time, but now after 6 seasons it’s even weirder... Also - can Brett Dalton walk without shirt all the time?

“I read” - bus kids faces were priceless lol

„Warm and fuzzy” 😂

I hate people like that.

I don’t think May got a memo, Coulson.

“I am a girl” - I’m pretty sure Fitz knows it now. I would love to know more about those pranks at academy. And how long they were there? Graduated 3 years earlier so what? 1 year?

Davis <3! #davislives

Poor girl.

I love how Fitzsimmons understand each other without words. Also this story about May they used to prank Skye? Hahahaha

I have a thing for Fitz using holotable. And this high five was *chef kiss*

I love May, she seems harsh but she’s great with people.

Demons. Not good.

I really liked Hannah, she seemed really nice.

I forgot that May and Skye didn’t had great connection during first half of season 1.

They ate a lot during season 1 :D

Oh Skye if you knew that May already get laid...with Ward.

Thanks to Ward at least we could find out more about May’s past.

Once again - there is a reason why I don’t watch horror movies.

“It’s a timing that matters, Simmons” - huh 🤔

Fitz talking to himself...who would say back then what’s gonna happen in season 2?

I wonder how much fun writers had making this view from blast looking like...I don’t know..maybe alien planet where Jemma stuck 2 seasons later?!

“To hell” - he was right. Also - that was scary.

I hate landing when I’m flying, but this? This is definitely not fun.

Yeah...where is Fitz?! :D

I really like Skye’s conversation with Hannah - they are totally different but still could find connection. Thanks to this we found out more about Skye.

Hmmm I would like to hear more about this lab trying to open a portal. Jemma being so excited about this...it hurts me to think about it.

This episode was scary, I have to admit it ;)

Can someone lock Fitzsimmons up in the closet now? So they are together and save?

Coulson telling Skye not to call May “The Calvary” - my heart. Hearing this story made me really emotional, still does.

“Herself” 😭😭😭😭

May is so cool, I love this scene where she just...disappears and gets Hannah.

It makes me uncomfortable to see Jemma being nice and close to Ward...ugh.

Poor Coulson lost his antic watch awww

Only facts Ward? What about the fact that you psychopath and you’re gonna betray them? Sorry, I really miss times when I didn’t know what he’s gonna do. Now I think about it all the time and it hurts because i loved them as a team.

Fitz’s scream is iconic 😂😂

I’m glad Skye come up with Tobias motive for doing all of this. Even if this guy clearly didn’t know how to get girls attention.

May <3.

“Let the girl go” - I just...this foreshadowing for Bahrain. This show is really amazing with things like this.

My Philinda feels!

Yeah, she’s gonna have a team of inhumans ;).

This is what I miss the most - team playing board games, laughing and eating snacks.

May being the one who pranked Fitz - I love it. I really wish we had more scenes with two of them...(and yeah I’m still bitter it’s been 6 season and I still didn’t get their hug...)

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x13 I Have to Get Out

Previous Recaps

Stray thoughts

1) I guess Other Rebecca is doing better?

2) It sounds like Rebecca is still making super smart financial choices…

JOSH: You know how much I pay in rent? 80 bucks a month

Hey, weird thought, but wouldn’t it be super cool if Josh’s arc involved him, I don’t know, not being a man-child and actually growing up? I generally don’t mind Josh, but he still seems to be in the same place where he was when the show started, you know?

3) NO. NONONONO. NOT JOSH IN LOVE WITH REBECCA AGAIN. PLEASE NO.

4) Hmmm, Rebecca and Greg might as well be broken up at this point… so I guess we’re headed there. I don’t know how I feel about this. I’ll wait to see how the writers handle the break-up.

5) Musical number already? Is it going to be about PILLS?!

iT IS!!! AND IT’S A LA LA LAND PARODY?!!!! (unpopular opinion: I LOVE LA LA LAND)

That was amazing! When the song started, I kept thinking, “this is a reprise, I know this melody, I’ve definitely heard this before, what song are they reprising?” And then it hit me! It’s a parody of the opening song in La La Land, “Another Day in the Sun.” And if you think about it, it’s the perfect song to be parodied with this theme? “Another Day in the Sun” is about the hope, dreams, optimism, and anticipation of being a dreamer in L.A. And well, “Anti-Depressants are so not a Big Deal” kind of mocks the fact that in order to feel all those things people tend to turn to medication…  I really appreciate the work they’re doing in order to remove the stigma of taking mental health medication? It’s so important!

And now I’ve watched “Another Day in the Sun” and is the girl in purple the girl that sang first in it?! Did they go there?!

6) Leave it to A.J. to spill the real tea…

But he did bring up an excellent point. What is Rebecca’s dream? She was so adamant that she didn’t want to be a lawyer that she never questioned what she really wanted to be. Plus, she’s been busy with her crazy schemes, suicide attempts, and the stint in prison. Who could blame her for not finding her passion amongst all of that? But it really seems now would be the perfect time to do just that…

7) It might be silly, but I really enjoy the Dr. Roth / Dr. Roth jokes a lot?

8) “She's my best friend, but I'm not hers.” I really, really love all the nods to old songs they’ve been doing this season! And yes, now I’ve got “You’re My Best Friend (And I know I’m Not Yours)” stuck in my head.

9) Has Darryl met his soul friend? Or is she going to be his new love interest?

10) The boys are going to spend time together in quarantine, just when their interactions couldn’t be any more awkward. Btw, I ❤ cough boy, he’s the man.

11) I’m here for the #friendtrio. And I really hope they have their own Friendtopia a la Backstreet Boys or something.

12) I mean… can Josh really be that surprised that Greg didn’t want to meet up with him when he came back to West Covina? Greg left amidst Josh hooking up with Rebecca – who had just broken up with Greg. And while he was away, Josh got engaged with Rebecca and left her at the altar... Josh was definitely a big part of the toxicity Greg was trying to run away from. But I wonder how Greg is going to explain this one.

13) Oh, there’s so much beef between Chloe and Madison and I love it!

Also, I just realized that Darryl’s new BFF/love interest is the girl who is stuck in that place in The Good Place – you know, the cokehead. I kept trying to remember where I knew her from, and it just hit me.

14) They’re going to break out from the hospital! #girlgroup4eva!

15) Oh, Madison heard the conversation between Darryl and Darryl’s Love Interest… she’s such a sweet girl, I’m positive she’ll suck it up and make amends with Chloe for the sake of her dad…

16) Because doctors leave the hospital with gurneys carrying dead bodies all the time…

Rebecca is going to fall asleep at the worst possible moment, right?

17) OH THE META!!!

JOSH: Like, when you once got so drunk, you had sex with a bush in my front yard. Did I say anything? No. NATHANIEL: I'm sorry, sex with a… JOSH: A bush. A bush. He had sex with a bush.

18) I’m such an idiot, I literally laughed out loud at this Dad Joke…

19) Will Rebecca’s dream involve… musicals? Because we know she can’t sing to save her life…

20) And Rebecca fell asleep and she’s being taken to the morgue… I’m totally looking forward to her freak-out once she wakes up there.

21) This is literally a horror movie…

22) “End of the Movie” REPRISE?!!!!!111111

Okay, that was a bit... underwhelming. I mean, “End of the Movie” was such iconic song at a turning point in Rebecca’s life, which I know is the reason they decided to reprise it here. But somehow being stuck in a morgue to trigger an epiphany doesn’t seem to resonate as much as sleeping with your ex’s dad? 

23) And here we have the aforementioned epiphany.

24) WOW! Does Josh really think he was nice to Rebecca?!!!!! WTF DUDE!!

25) “Look what you made me do” Seriously, are they trying to quote every single one of the old songs? Because I really hope they are!

26) I was hoping for a male version of Friendtopia but it seems we’re getting literally the opposite of it, they’re going to fight-sing…

This one was enjoyable, but for different reasons. It’s always fun when CEG breaks down tropes and makes everything look the way it would look in real life (for instance, Rebecca singing in the shower in “Oh My God I Think I Like You”.) It reminds me of Xander fighting Harmony in BTVS, or Keith fighting Aaron in Veronica Mars.

27) OMG how DID the cows gave the flue to the squirrels?!

28) I ❤ the Little Cough Boy!

…but not in a creepy way.

see? I can also be meta. please #validate me

29) What I take away from the whole Greg/Josh fight is that Nathaniel ended up being the grown-up one. He’s really come a long way, hasn’t he?

30) Like, it’s cute how Madison and Chloe got the Little Cough Boy to cough all over their parents but also, it’s super dark? Like, these two girls might have gotten their parents infected with a rare – possibly deadly! – virus…

31) Awwww #brogroup4eva!

32) Rebecca watched Paula during the whole six hours of the bar exam… if that’s not true friendship, I don’t know what is… 

33) It’s musical theatre. Her dumb thing, I mean. This could be potentially devastating. And entertaining.

PAULA: But there's a thing. I mean, there's something you've dreamt about.

REBECCA: No, not really. Well, yes. There is. But I don't know. It's dumb. It's dumb, and I've just never had the courage to pursue it.

PAULA: Well, honey, if we know one thing, it is that we are all gonna end up in the hospital basement, for reals, at some point. Okay? So, before that happens, maybe you should give this dumb thing a try.

I have so much love for their friendship, though. Like, Paula has been Rebecca’s ride-or-die bitch since day one, and it’s so beautiful to see them support each other in such a healthy and wholesome way. If Rebecca ends up pursuing musical theater, which all signs point to, I know Paula is going to be her number one fan and will make Rebecca feel like a star, even if she never ends up being one. We all deserve a Paula in our lives. I should know, I’m one. Literally.

34) Don’t you fucking there, Josh. DON’T. YOU. DARE.

35) Okay, they broke up. Which makes sense because even though they’re on similar paths and they definitely have feelings for each other, Greg is much farther along with his recovery. He’s been working on himself and his issues for over two years now, while Rebecca is still struggling. But god, Greg’s face when she told him what she’d done the night they fought…

It’s not disappointment. I mean, I’m sure he feels disappointed. But I think mostly he’s just sad for her, you know? He’s seen her at her worst, and he’s seen her doing so much better, and now seeing her backsliding to her old destructive ways, it’s kind of heartbreaking because he knows she’s capable of doing herself better than that.

To Rebecca’s credit, though, she did own up to what she’d done. Old Rebecca would have never.

36) ugh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I DON’T WANT THIS. TAKE IT BACK.

37)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[nomorelonelydays]

vegas au submission

Vegas thing, part 11 

(Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

(My hockey blog, my AO3)  - soundtrack spotify link

Zhenya doesn’t spend all of his time at the hospital with Sid. He doesn’t want to add to Sid’s stress by hovering, so he borrows Sid’s car keys long enough to rent a car of his own to use while he’s here. He picks an unassuming silver sedan, and thinks wryly of the time when he wouldn’t have settled for less than a Lamborghini or something equally sleek and dangerous.

He picks up a load of groceries to stock Sid’s fridge with, and to give himself something to do. When he makes his way up the rickety metal stairs to Sid’s apartment, there’s an old woman leaning against the upstairs railing. She has a tiny dog tucked in the crook of one arm and a watering can dangling from the other. The cheerful flower pots outside her door smell pleasantly of wet earth.

Zhenya nods and smiles politely at her, and moves to open Sid’s door. He’s stopped by pointed throat-clearing that reminds him strongly of his mother. He turns. The top of her head only comes up to his chest and she’s wearing a lurid pink and blue muumuu, but she still manages to look more threatening than most mob bosses he’s known.

“And who are you?” she asks. “Are you seeing that boy?” She tilts her head towards Sid’s front door. Zhenya feels suddenly nervous.

“Evgeni Malkin. Pleased to meet,” he says, offering his hand, which she shakes with a surprisingly strong grip. Her tiny dog soundlessly bares its teeth at him “Yes, I’m with Sidney.” Circumstances notwithstanding, saying it out loud to someone he’s just met sends a thrill through him. He can’t help but let a stupid-looking smile curve his mouth. The woman’s eyes soften just a little.

“Luz Mendoza.” She eyes him up and down. “He’s a good boy. And he’s seen a lot of trouble.”

Zhenya looks her straight in the eyes, serious. “He’s best. And I know. I’m do my best to make sure he doesn’t have any more.”

Luz shifts her dog to her other arm. “I’ve been babysitting his little boy since Sid first showed up here. Nineteen years old, baby in his arms.” She gives Zhenya another assessing look. “His last boyfriend? Asshole.” She adds a few words in Spanish that Zhenya is sure could blister paint. Zhenya is familiar with the sentiment

He scowls “If I ever meet, don’t know what I do. Want to punch face in. But won’t, Sid wouldn’t like. But, maybe, scare shit out of him.” He and Luz grin wolfishly at each other. Zhenya likes her immensely, he decides.

“How is Avery?” she asks. Zhenya sighs, and tells her what he knows about the scheduled surgery. She shakes her head. “And Sid? How is he holding up.”

Zhenya hopes he doesn’t look as lost as he feels. “He’s quiet. Sits with Avery. I bring him food but he doesn’t eat.

Luz’s eyes widen and then narrow in a look of determination. “That boy. Tell you what, when are you going back to the hospital?”

“Put groceries away, then maybe go back at dinnertime.”

Luz nods to herself. “Ok. Take me with you.” It’s not a question, and Zhenya is wondering to himself if all the older women he knows share this need to feed and boss people. He’s feeling kind of gleeful at finding someone else to help bully Sid into taking care of himself.

“I’m pick you up at five,” he tells Luz. They share another conspiratorial smile, and he leaves her to her dog and her flowers.

When he picks her up, she’s weighed down with an assortment of plastic containers. He pokes at them as he puts them in the backseat of the car, and she slaps his hands away. “Wait, she admonishes.

On the way, Zhenya is grilled about his family, his background, his financial status. Luz seems pleased with his answers. Zhenya, she decides, loves his mama, loves Sid, and has a lot of money, and thus is accepted on probationary status as Sid’s boyfriend. Zhenya is thoroughly charmed and secretly very grateful that Sid and Avery have someone like Luz in their lives.

When they walk into Avery’s hospital room, Zhenya weighed down with the food and Luz’s voluminous purse, Avery makes a little gasp of happiness.

“Zaza!” he cries, and Luz melts with adoration as she goes to noisily kiss Avery’s cheeks and fuss over him. She then takes Sid’s face in her hands, and gives him a hard look.

“Mijo, look at you. You look awful. And your man tells me you’re not eating properly!” She says it as if Sid has committed a great travesty, and Sid rolls his eyes to give Zhenya a betrayed look for tattling. Zhenya just grins and preens a little at being called Sid’s man.

The containers Luz brought contain a spicy red soup with deliciously fatty chunks of pork swimming in it. There’s also these oddly puffy kernels of corn that Sid tells Zhenya are something called “hominy.” It’s delicious, and Luz brought radishes and lime and creamy slices of avocado to put on top.

“Teach me make this,” Zhenya begs her desperately, and she looks him over.

“Wouldn’t share my mother’s pozole recipe with just anyone,” she tells him. “But if you promise to make it for Sid, then, ok.”

Zhenya loses himself in a daydream then, as he finishes his soup. Of a sunlit kitchen somewhere, happy shrieks of kids playing outside. Or maybe it’s winter, with snow falling cozily and people tromping inside with red cheeks, skates hung around their necks by the laces.

When he tunes back into his actual surroundings Luz is giving him a pronounced Look.

Avery’s surgery is the day after that, early, early in the morning. Zhenya waits for Sid in the waiting room while Sid says goodbye to his son.

Zhenya can’t imagine what this all feels like for Sid.

When he comes and finds Zhenya, his face is set in a rictus of pain. Zhenya opens his arms for him and Sid crumples against him, hiding his face in Zhenya’s neck as fine tremors shake his entire body. Zhenya can do nothing but hold him, soothing a hand up and down his spine, up and down.

  It’s a blank, boring horror of waiting. They take turns pacing up and down the bank of windows at the far end of the room. Sid goes and gets them both coffee, and they don’t drink it. They sit, leaning on each other, and watch the patches of sun from the windows move slowly across the floor.

“Tell me everything’s going to be okay, Zhenya,” Sid begs at one point. “I know it might not— but just, please. Tell me anyway. That you’re sure.”

The lie rakes talons across Zhenya’s throat on its way out. “Gonna be okay, Sid. Know this for sure.”

Sid stares at him, eyes bloodshot with exhaustion and heartache. “What if it isn’t?”

Zhenya has no words for him.

“Rock-solid marriages break up over the death—” Sid’s voice cracks and he presses his hands so hard to his eyes that the joints go white. “–the death of a child. What the fuck’s gonna happen to us if—”

Zhenya pries Sid’s hands away and pulls his face into Zhenya’s shoulder instead. “Only way I’m leave you, Sid, is if you tell me to go.”

“What if I hurt you?” Sid asks. Zhenya strokes Sid’s hair, and thinks.

“Can’t. I know this.”

“I hurt you before. When we broke up.”

“Not on purpose,” Zhenya says. “Never on purpose, Sid. Not like you. I mean what I say. Unless you ask, I’m stay.”

Sid wraps a hand around Zhenya’s upper arm and grips it like he’s drowning.

“Tell me something good, Zhenya. About the future. I can’t see any of it clearly right now.”

Zhenya hums. “Okay. I’m never tell you this before, but…” Sid leans into him, body quiet with listening. “I’m have dream. Take you home, if you want. Buy pretty house in Canada. Snow in winter. Beach in summer.” Sid makes a soft, wounded sound. Zhenya pauses, uncertain.

“Go on,” Sid urges. And so Zhenya does. Tells him about the sunlit house, the legos on the floor, the skates and sticks cluttering the entryway in the winter. Kids running around, happy, laughing.

“How many?” Sid says, into Zhenya’s shirt.

“Many as you want,” Zhenya replies. “Whole team. Four lines, you can be goalie.”  Sid laughs a little, and Zhenya holds him even tighter.

He continues. “And my mama and papa come visit. Spoil all children very much. Maybe we go to Russia too. See museums in Moscow. Maybe we have little girl—” he stops and thinks. “Or boy, who like dance and we take them to Bolshoi ballet. All kinds of things. Russian sauna is my favorite, is thing I miss most in America. Hmmm, you look good only in towel, all sweaty.” Sid pokes at him and Zhenya laughs softly.

“That all sounds so perfect, Zhenya,” Sid says. “I wish…”

Zhenya remembers Sid saying that before: “I wish.”

“Don’t have to wish, Sid. Just say yes.”

Sid is quiet for a long, long moment. And then—

“Yes,” he whispers. “Yes.”

After a lifetime of waiting, a doctor appears in the doorway and Sid must recognize him because he jolts upright as though he’s been tasered. He squeezes Zhenya’s hand in a death grip for a moment, then bolts up to speak to the man. Zhenya allows him his space, and stays where he is.

Sid and the doctor talk for what feels like forever. The doctor’s face is serious and his hands move as he explains whatever he’s explaining to Sid.

Zhenya waits.

  Finally, Sid turns back towards Zhenya.

His face is filled with light.

  Zhenya can see the happy tears in his eyes from all the way across the room.

And the future feels so close and real and beautiful that Zhenya could touch it.

[wabbitseezonarchive]

Mun meme

tagged by: @krupnick tagging:     whoever wants

RULES: answer the questions in a new post and tag                some blogs you wanna get to know better!

A - age: 21 B - birthplace: canada C - current time: 5:47pm (at the time of writing this) D - drink you had last: oh man lol, i’m actually trying to remember... i think it was water. yess, good, wholesome, nutritious water. E - easiest person to talk to: oh boy, here we go, in no order. ahem. @hoopsheartthrob; @blatheringblatherskite; @krupnick; @blowthehousedown; @the-littlest-inkblot; @wilhelmedscream-archive; @dcnserduck; @frclcngian; @youngestwarnersib; @killingmoonlight; @stormcfdust --- and so many other people i’d love to get to know more. seriously, if you ever want to chat, just hmu F - favorite song: there’s a lot lol. at the moment, my fav song is some nights by fun. but also; alive -- hedley; hurry hurry --- air traffic controller; and    why worry --- set if off G - grossest memory: HMMM i’m trying to think of this. i remember finding a moose carcass when i was wandering around the woods with a friend. like it’s skin and fur was all degraded so just half of its skull was exposed, and there were like... millions of tiny maggots all clustered on top of each other, just writhing away on this fucking exposed, rotting moose carcass. yeah, that was pretty gross. def in my top 10. H - horror yes or horror no: horror? that’d be a FUCK YES. please give me horror things. i love gore. i love psychological horror. stuff that messes with your mind and makes you feel uneasy and not want to get out of bed to go to the bathroom at night. or let your feet hang off the edge of your bed. i love violence and messed up shit. give it all to me please. i have like, very few limits lol. i’m not even kidding. i tone myself down for other’s sake like 99% of the time. very rarely do i ever have to tone it down for myself. I - in love ?: i do love things; my family, my dog, the place i live, food, the fact that i’m the most comfortable of any generation that’s come before me (though that’s more grateful i suppose) --- but i have a feeling that this is talking about romantic love, and i don’t think i’ve ever felt that before. crushes, sure. infatuation? maybe. but if i’d been in love, i probably would have known it. J - jealous of people: fuck yes. all the time lmao. K - killed someone: nice try, coppers. L - love at first sight or should i walk back by again?: go away. M - middle name: you must be at least 10+ friend levels higher to obtain any personal info from me. N - number of siblings: 1 big bro. 2 big half-bros on my dad’s side. i’m his only girl! i always tell him, he can’t have a favorite son, but i’m his favorite daughter -- so i’m the favorite >:)

O - one wish: to be secure in the fact that one day my loved ones will die, and to know that i’ll be okay when that eventually happens P - person you called last: my mom! ♥ Q - question you’re always asked: “so what are you going to do when you graduate?” BITCH i don’t even know what i’m having for dinner tonight. R - reason to smile: BEING ALIVE, like Red said! even the bad times, though they suck, i learn from them, and they make me appreciate the good times more. those times are when my friends really help me out, and i just become more grateful for them. OH! my friends too! another reason to smile ♥ i love you guys. and the fact that i have a home, and a family that loves me, and dogs that i love (and who love me whenever i have food), and FOOD, and heating systems that let me control my environment, and previous generations for allowing me to be hella comfortable (i don’t take it for granted if you’re reading this from THE GREAT BEYOND™); and the internet (like fuck man, i have more information in my pocket than kings did back in the day); the ability to read and write; modern medicine and the option to choose so many things --- what i want to do in life (even if i’m uncertain a lot, being uncertain of life and makes it more fun in a way! even though it fucking sucks lol)--- annnd, the fact that i can think for myself, and have free-will, and have money to spend, and can jump and run and climb and learn and share my ideas with others, and so many things!! S - song you sang last: anything, by hedley T - top 3 fictional characters:  daffy duck, roger rabbit, chihiro (spirited away) U - underwear color: what the actual fuck OP, how about you buy me dinner before you try to get in my pants V - vacation: up in a tiny cabin in the mountains X - x-rays: yeppp, i’m always getting banged up lmao. broke my arm. broke my rib. dislocated my shoulder. had to get a chest x-ray when i was having breathing troubles. but i’m still good 💪 Y - your favorite food: sushiiiiii

[rikka-zine]

Interview : Yukimi Ogawa

Yukimi Ogawa lives and works in Tokyo. Her stories have appeared in F&SF, Clarkes World, Strange Horizons. Her story “Town’s End” was chosen for the Year's Best Science Fiction and Fantasy 2014 (Ed. Rich Horton, Prime Books) .

As far as I know, it was the first case that a non-translated story by a Japanese writer whose mother tongue is Japanese appeared in anglophone year’s best SF anthologies.

Blog: https://www.goodreads.com/author_blog_posts/18161789-stories-available-online

*This interview was conducted in Japanese and this is translated by the interviewer, Terrie Hashimoto.

At Hachioji, Tokyo with cakes and coffee.

Rikka Zine (RZ): You said that you started reading Anglophone SFF magazines in 2009. Did you start submitting your stories in that year as well?

Yukimi Ogawa(YO) : Possibly I started submitting in 2010.

RZ: Your debut year was 2012, right?

YO: Yes, it was 2012.

RZ: Strange Horizons published your story for the first time in 2013. And I noticed you at that time.

YO: I also noticed you, too. I did ego-searching for the first time and found that "Oh, someone in Japan had read my story!"

RZ: I guess that you checked the taste of the magazines before you submitted. How did you look for magazines? Did you google "SF Fantasy Magazine"?

YO: It was mostly all like that. The first magazine which I found was Fantasy & Science Fiction magazine. Since (Anglophone) SFF magazines that we could buy in Japan was very few, F&SF was almost one and only option. I was too reckless to try to submit to it but it was a hopeless challenge at that time.

RZ: You must be happy when your work was finally published there!

YO: Indeed. After that, I found a magazine database, Duotrope where I could look for more SFF magazines. I preferred webzines because I have lived in Japan. I also focused on the magazines which accepted e-submission.

RZ: Almost a decade ago, were there many magazines which required printed drafts?

YO: Yes, there were a lot. And F&SF had accepted only printed papers until very recent.

RZ: That was tough! I think Strange Horizons was launched in 2008. So you got started when webzines were blooming.

YO: Yeah, it was nice timing.

RZ: Many good webzines appeared since then. Did you read SFF magazines in English originally? Or did you start when you decide to submit your stories?

YO: I started reading magazines to submit.

RZ: You read books in English before then, right?

YO: That's right. I had less chance to use English after I graduated from university. That was why I started reading English books on my commuter train.

RZ: The commute time is very precious. I could read much more when my commute time was longer. Well, it is as typical Japanese are.

YO: We cannot do almost anything except read something. (laughs)

RZ: You have submitted your fictions not only to a few specific magazines but to here and there. Strange Horizons seems to be your base camp. Is my impression true?

YO: Yes, I think Strange Horizons is a kind of my base camp. It is a very important place for me. When I complete a new Youkai tale, I always send it to them.

RZ: You talked that your stories also appeared in a Japanese magazine.

YO: Yes, but that was a long ago. When I was 14 years old or something

RZ: Was it "Poem and Fantasy" magazine?

YO: Yeah, but actually, it was titled "Poem and Märchen" at that time. "Poem and Märchen" once ceased and it was renewed as "Poem and Fantasy". How did you know it?

RZ: You mentioned on one of your interviews that you were accepted by a magazine which chief editor was Takashi Yanase. So I guessed that was it.

So your first publication was very early.

YO: I wrote very much at that time. But I stopped during I was in high school and university. I hadn't kept writing. After a long pause, I started again.

RZ: Your first submission to "Poem and Märchen" was your first acceptance, too? Or you tried a few times?

YO: No, it wasn't. I tried a few times. Well, Japanese magazines basically don’t respond anything but acceptance. I wonder they do like that still now. Do you know?

RZ: I think some publishers respond much better. For example, they sent back detailed comments by the editors to applicants who pass the first screening. Because they would like to have submissions from new and good writers.

YO: Oh really? I needed to keep waiting for a response that I wasn’t sure to receive. That was a sad experience in the old days.

RZ: You said that you looked for SFF magazines. Why didn't you look for horror magazines? Youkai is monster actually.

YO: Now if I think about it, that’s right. However, I didn’t regard my stories as horror. I thought what I wrote was fantasy. If I tried to submit to horror magazines, did I get published faster possibly?

RZ: Who knows. Do horror readers say like "This doesn’t scare me much. IT IS NOT HORROR."? (laughs)

YO: And I’m not sure of the definition of horror, or the boundary of it.

RZ: Hmmm. Splatter seems definitely not to be on your taste. Do you know whether there is any "decent" horror magazine?

YO: I saw a few magazines didn’t want splatter stories and make it clear on their submission rules. Probably magazines like them could fit my style, which is in between horror and fantasy.

RZ: Speaking of genres, you looked for SFF magazines but I think actually most of your stories are fantasy. A few are science fiction, like "Nini".

YO: That's true. To be honest, I didn't regard my stories as SF at first. I thought these were rather fantasy. I have submitted to SF magazines just because they also called for fantasy. I always believed what I wrote was fantasy and I would never write SF. But gradually somehow...well, what I assumed that one of my stories was totally fantasy. That was also published by The Book Smugglers (In Her Head, In Her Eyes from Book Smugglers Publishing) It was before "Nini", my first acceptance by them. But when it was published, it was noted as an SF/Fantasy/Horror story. So I thought "Oh really?" I think that I started writing something Science Fictional after that.

RZ: Your recent stories are more Science Fictional compared with your earlier ones. "Nini" is an SF and also Horror story. That was really SF/Fantasy/Horror fiction. (laughs)

YO: I tried to write a comedy at first.

RZ: I read it as a comedy at first. But it ended up...

YO: I rushed to write a comedy that a protagonist was swayed by annoying grannies and grumpy old men. And suddenly I realized it became a horror story at last.

RZ: The ending was like a roller coaster flew up to somewhere far away beyond my expectation.

YO: I didn’t expect that it went wild like that. I almost always plot the ending, at least roughly. But about "Nini", I didn’t control at all how it went. It was a mere chance.

RZ: By the way, many of your stories don't specify whether the scene is set in Japan or not. Also, your stories sometimes have some Japanese elements even though apparently the scene is not set in Japan. I can’t guess which era your stories are in. Can you tell me whether you have any policies about the settings?

YO: I just avoid the specific settings not to be bothered. Well, it might sound a bit offensive, but it is annoying that someone points out like "It is inappropriate in this era." things. (laughs)

RZ: History Police patrols.

YO: Yeah, I would say "This is fantasy! No fault-finding!" to such reactions. I know my naming and the things I write tend to be Japanese-ish. But actually my settings are on somewhere. Nowhere exists in real.

RZ: You don't write how the character's looking is in specific, neither.

YO: That's not intentioned. I think that the race of people had not been various in Japan. (Mostly Asian.) So the color of hair, eyes, and skin are much alike. Maybe that is one of the reasons I don't explain the appearance.

RZ: I feel your stories are like fable or folklore in a sense. It has characters and the settings but the details are always blurred.

YO: It may be true. It is much better for me and comfortable to write.

RZ: Hadn't you studied abroad?

YO: Yes, I had a kind of. I had studied abroad for 10 months when I was a high school student. But 10 months wasn’t enough. If I had a few more months, I could speak better. I was close to get the language, but I had to return then.

RZ: Can I ask where you went in fact?

YO: Sure, I had been to the UK. It was a rural area. It must be tough for non-English speakers to come to a rural area...

When I was in high school, I didn’t speak English fluently but I was good at English classes and got good grades. So I assumed that I could get along. However, I couldn’t catch what people were speaking. I was like, you know, "What the language they were speaking!?" I was so surprised that every person seemed to have a different accent on their own. Maybe it depended on areas, or it may depended on classes or roots...I‘m not sure. Anyways, their accents were various.

RZ: What the first SF event you attended? Japanese one or Worldcon?

YO: Let me try to remember...I am certain that Hal-con is my first convention. Ann Leckie was GoH of it. It was a rehearsal for me to attend Worldcon. A few months later, I went to Worldcon and I was so THRASHED.

RZ: Why were you!?

YO: I felt sick and didn’t do much anything. It was too cold on the airplane. And people's accents were often difficult for me to understand.

RZ: That's bad. Did you have any chance to talk with your fellow authors or editors?

YO: I wish I would talk to people more. But I felt sick and the sickness made my mood negative. I barely talked with Ellen Datlow a little.

RZ: What did you talk to her?

YO: Not so much really. She just told me she was glad to meet me. That made me happy and smiled. I thank her.

And I met Charles Coleman Finlay (the current chief editor of F&SF). The town has a kind of tram lines. When I took a tram in the morning, I noticed a guy with long hair was on it. During the tram ride, I was wondering he was Charlie. Since our destination was the same, I followed him unexpectedly. He might care for me because I looked apparently nervous and upset. So when we entered the convention hall, he returned to me and let me know where the registration was. I checked the name card and confirmed who he was. Then I could introduce myself to him finally.

I also met Rose Lenberg and their partner, Bogi Takács.

RZ: Do you remember any impressive panels?

YO: I couldn’t see many because I felt sick, but I listened to Ann Leckie's reading. She read from her new book which she was on the way to finish at that time. She was so good at reading. She read at Hal-con as well. She made the audience laughed all. I thought that was a great advantage.

RZ: Here in Japan, reading at bookstores or on conventions is not common. So we don't have much chance to use it as an advantage if we have the skill. Do you notice any other cultural difference?

YO: I’m not sure. I don't know the Japanese literary scene. Why doesn't everyone read at bookstores in Japan? Oh, perhaps because it is embarrassed? Don’t you think reading in public is something embarrassed for Japanese people? Besides, reading science fiction is difficult to decide which part to be read...

RZ: Do you read Ann Leckie's Imperial Radch trilogy and love it very much?

YO: Yes, I love it.

RZ: Do you have any favorite writers who write in English?

YO: I can say I love N. K. Jemisin. Hmm, who else I love? While reading a book, I am easy to love the author. But I easily forget their names.

RZ: How about Japanese writers?

YO: No one comes up neither. I just enjoy reading and go next. Everything falls out of me after reading.

RZ: Never mind. I didn't care about the names of the authors and titles until entering university. When I got to have some chances to talk about books with someone, I started to memorize.

YO: Oh, because you couldn’t talk about books with someone if you didn’t remember.

RZ: Indeed.

YO: It makes sense. I got it. I am poor to talk about books. I often say something beside the point even for the books I love. I had failed for several times. So I tend to avoid talking about books with someone. Basically, no one around me read a kind of books what I read. I didn't have any chances to get to accustom.

By the way, my recent favorite is Martha Wells.

RZ: Oh, Murderbot Diaries.

YO: Yes, it is so kawaii (cute).

RZ: Honestly speaking, do you like to attend events in real or not?

YO: I love to attend in real unless I have to talk something in front of the audience. If just being there is okay, I love to see the panels very much. But if I am called like "Come on, let’s talk together.", I would say "No, thank you". It is just my nature. I am not good at talking.

Besides, I don't like to go somewhere I have never known. It is very convenient and safe here in Japan. There are so many convenience stores.

RZ: Well, writing alone and talking with someone is different. It needs different skills what another requires.

YO: Yes, I just like to ponder rather speak. Haven't you talked in front of the audience as a panelist?

RZ: Yes, I had. But I don't do anything professional right now. I read books less than before. I have to transfer the transportations frequently on my commute. It is too busy to read fiction in long form. I can read only something shorter. I tend to read short stories because I can finish a story before I get off the train.

YO: Oh, you read quick. I am not so quick. I can stop reading a novel on the way but in the case of a short story, I would like to finish it at a stretch. Nowadays, I mostly read novels and don't read magazines very much. Well, commute time is one of the best chances to read something after all.

RZ: Do you look for more new magazines to submit?

YO: Not really. I am not quick both in reading and writing. It takes me a lot of time to finish a story. In recent years, I am ordered a story once a year. Since I can write only a few stories per year, I can write just one or two stories except for a commission. So I can submit basically only to a few regular magazines.

RZ: Which do you like being provided a theme to write or not?

YO: I don't think I can write without a theme.

RZ: If you write a not-ordered story, do you also plan a theme before you start?

YO: No, well, I am not sure how I write. (laughs) Being provided a theme is easier. But everyone orders me Youkai tales. So sometimes it is easier to write without thinking a theme. But it is also a great pleasure to decide which Youkai I should choose for my new story. Both have toughness and joy of their own.

RZ: Okay, let's talk about your upcoming story on The Outcast Hours. How did you join the anthology?

YO: The tentative title was Night. I was ordered to write what happens to someone at night who does something different at day, or something like that. It was the first case for me to need to contract just after I agreed on the request. By then, I was requested to write, sent the completed story and was accepted. This time, I had not to fail to finish a story. That was really worrisome and a little bit stomach-aching.

RZ: Is this the first time your story is published by Solaris Books? I had never seen before your story in Jared Shurin's anthologies.

YO: Yes, it is. Another editor of this book, Mahvesh Murad worked for Apex book of World SF 4. She called me for a story.

RZ: Have you worked with any UK publishers before?

YO: Yes, this is not the first time. Asian Monsters was out from a UK publisher a few years ago. Everyone ordered me a monster story like as I mentioned.

RZ: Everyone has a weakness for monsters. Anyways, The Outcast Hours has such big names from all over the world.

YO: It really has! I didn't know the details like who wrote for it or how many stories appear until the book was nearly finished. When I got to know the table of contents finally, it astonished me.

RZ: It has a great lineup. I am looking forward to read it.

RZ: Do you have any plans to do something new? Is it the length perhaps? I remember you tried to write a novella last year. Do you challenge to write longer?

YO: What I write is getting longer. I would like to complete a novel in the future. But I am not confident that my English skill will be able to hold on that length. I have not yet received the result for my novella. I will consider whether I try to write a novel after I receive the result.

RZ: You submitted a novella to the biggest publisher of the genre, Tor publishing. It must be a keen competition.

YO: The deadline was August 13th. I submitted in the morning of that day. And my submission number was about from 650 to 700. Maybe more people submitted by the deadline. So the number might go up to nearly a thousand. If only I will be able to receive an encouraging comment, I will consider writing much longer.

RZ: Tor is a giant in SFF market. They are very dominant in every year's best anthologies and awards.

YO: They really are.

RZ: Have you never written a novel, even in Japanese?

YO: No, I have never written.

RZ: So if you will write a novel, it will be the longest ever.

YO: Right. I’d like to finish up a novel, nevertheless I know how it will be difficult. But during I was writing a novella, I could write nothing other than it. Actually, I had not been in good condition. It was caused possibly by sitting for too long time. So I am really worried if I can manage to write longer than ever. Anyways, I’d like to write a novel in the future.

RZ: Speaking of SFF not in written form, do you see movies?

YO: No, I don't. I don't like Star Trek nor Star Wars so much.

RZ: I’ve seen just a few titles of the two series. But as for movies, I enjoyed The Martian.

YO: Oh, I enjoyed it too. We see a quite number of SF in drama series and movies. However, people look hesitate when I recommend them SF in written form. What on earth is it?

RZ: Maybe seeing something spectacle in movies are OK. They probably don't like reading the explain what it happens in details. Well, I don't know.

YO: In case of someone who prefers to see without any examination or speculation, it makes sense. But for instance, there are people who love Star Wars intensively. They know all the details and the settings. Why don't they read SF? Once I recommended an SW fan to Ann Leckie's trilogy. Unfortunately (the person) gave up soon. I don't understand.

RZ: Well, I know some SW fans read a lot of the novelization. But some people can keep their passion only for a program. Their love doesn't expand to the genre itself.

RZ: How about manga? You mentioned in an interview that your mother loved Manga and you also read a lot.

YO: Oh, you know me well. Yes, I read Manga a lot when I was child and love to read till now. I have read fantasy for a long time. When I was younger, my favorite was Kyoko Hikawa's From Far Away (1991-2002). It is a fantasy series which set in another world. Nowadays, another world setting is really popular. But I am not sure it was popular at the time. Was it?

RZ: Hmmm, Red River (1995-2002) is not set in another world but it was a time travel story. And Please Save My Earth (1986-1994) is a story about reincarnation. Both were best-selling titles. So at least in a broad definition, we can say that another world setting was popular.

YO: Uh-huh, that's right.

RZ: I think reincarnation and “trip to another world” got popular too much just before the millennium. Do you remember CLAMP (manga artist group)?

YO: They created another world (isekai) stories. That's true.

RZ: Possibly, once a boom ceased and now it comes again.

What is your recent favorite Manga?

YO: I love A Bride's Story. It is not fantasy though. I read it with thinking like "How nice the embroidery!" I also love Land of the Lustrous. It is just on my taste.

RZ: I love it too. It makes me remember Mayumi Nagano's works in mineral stones and the gender ambiguity.

YO: I think I have never read her fiction.

RZ: One of her stories appeared in a textbook. Her taste seems to follow up Kenji Miyazawa or Taruho Inagaki. She also wrote SF at one time. For example, The New World and Television City.

By the way, how long have you loved gemstones?

YO: After once you asked me about my love of gemstones, I tried to recall when I started to love stones...

RZ: You often tweeted about polishing gemstones when you started Twitter.

YO: Yes, I did. I started polishing stones and making accessories at that time, around 2013. Very recent. But I loved to see gemstones on the flyers of pawnshops that coming together with newspaper when I was a child. But I didn't try to collect stones at the time. I didn't know where my interest came from.

I was born and grew up in Gunma prefecture. I lived in the foot of the mountains. We could see Kantou loam stratum on some part of the mountains. Normal soil and Kantou loam made layers there. The layer of volcanic soil was so soft that I could grab some easily. It contained very small pieces of quartz. I took up quartz with grinning when I was five or six grade of elementary school.

But I can't remember why I decided to go to Tokyo Mineral Show. It is a very interesting event.

Wait, I am finally remembering. I entered in a jewelry shop by chance. I remember that I saw a necklace made by fluorite at a shop in Shinjuku. Fluorite has a lot of color variation. It made a gradation, very beautiful. But the price was seventy thousand yen in spite of fluorite. I could not afford it. I looked for where fluorite is available and found the Mineral Show.

RZ: So you named your Twitter account after fluorite.

YO: Yes, all the mysteries are finally solved!

RZ: Can I ask your next publication?

YO: I don't have any. Nothing. It is uneasy a bit. I wait for a few results of submission though.

RZ: But for someone who has a day job, a few publications per year is not a bad pace even writing in the mother tongue. You are prolific enough.

YO: But I cannot help seeing writers who write far more faster on Twitter.

I wrote a lot in 2013 - 2014. I can't believe my pace at the time. How could I manage?

Just three stories were published last year and this year, only one was fixed. So I feel nervous.

RZ: To write something longer, you probably require an interval and a rest. Don't mind about your pace. Please try your best in your own good time. Thank you for today!

Note: Her latest publication "Ripen" is available on Clarkes World. Check it out!

[sweet-child-of-the-paradise-city]

I was tagged by @unaduessa - thank you for choosing me and I'm sorry it took a little while :) rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 20 blogs. a - age: 19 
b - birthplace: Middlesbrough, England [it's not as bad as people make it out to be, and if you think it's the worst place to live in the U.K. then you can fuck off, you didn't grow up here :)] 
c - current time: 1:15pm 
d - drink you had last: Vanilla Coca Cola, the best 
e - easiest person to talk to: My friends Peter and Rute and @steve-rogers-best-girl 
f - favourite song: Jeez, Fiona Coyne by Skylar Spence is so good and it always makes me happy if I hear it. But I really don't have a favourite because I like too many 
g - grossest memory: Well the real one I can't say because it also counts as a sad memory too, so I'll go with when I got super sick on holiday. It was awful, I still have flashbacks. 
h - horror yes or no: Sometimes, there are some good films in the horror genre. And I've seen a load of the crappy ones in that category and they're just cringy. 
i - in love? Not really? I have crushes, and they don't count cos they don't know I exist but I really don't like anyone who I see around town or anything. 
j - jealous of people? Why should I be? If someone has more than me that doesn't make them anything special. 
k - killed someone? No but there's more than a few that I would kill if I could...
l - love at first sight or should i walk past again? I guess that when you first see someone you will find them appealing but but you've got to get to know someone before you can fall in love; they may look all cute and shit but they could drown kittens for all you know... 
m - middle name: I don't have one, my nana reasoned with my Mam to not give me one as then my name would be quite long. 
n - number of siblings: Zero, and let's keep it that way. 
o - one wish: Well if I told you it wouldn't come true... 
p - person i called last: My dad, nothing special, I hate phone calls. 
q - question you’re always asked: "Are you okay" - buddy, i don't know the answer either. 
r - reasons to smile: Family and friends (sometimes, when they're not being dicks), good music, tv and movies that surpass your expectations, books that you just can't put down. 
t - time you woke up: 12:30 (I should have been up at 10:00 so there's a chance I can sleep a little tonight before getting up early for uni tomorrow but noooope, not happening now) 
u - underwear color: Right now? Red and white stripes, my favourite. 
v - vacation: This year is the year I finally get to go back to Scotland after 5 years so I'm super excited to be going because I just love it there. 
w - worst habit: Hmmm, it used to be biting my nails but I grew out of that so I'm not sure anymore, swearing maybe? Slacking off and not doing work straight away? 
x - xrays: Once that I can remember, when I fractured my ankle, which is the worst thing I've done (so far). 
y - your favorite food: Again, I don't think I have a favourite, a few different things are so good that I could put them all in the top position. 
z - zodiac sign: Pisces (and get this, unlike the fish, I can't swim...) Ok, I’ll tag: @steve-rogers-best-girl @luddlebubble @charmingdevilgabriel @whatcha-gonna-do-about-it-huh

[agentmintea]

tagged by @gryffindorkx who is amazing and has such a nice and pretty blog omg and also wow this has been in my drafts for months??? i am a terrible person??????

rules: answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. coke or pepsi:

coke but tbh neither... 

2. disney or dreamworks:

ahhhh idk?????? dreamworks has the more original stories, and better franchises, but i guess imma hafta go with disney bc they’ve got all the classics and i’m also a sucker for the songs

3. coffee or tea:

ughhhh both?!?!?! tea because it’s more versatile and i’m always down for tea. but i do love a good cup of coffee

4. books or movies:

books. but i also love movies

5. windows or mac:

windows and i will fight you on this jk i won’t. i understand why some ppl prefer mac but for me/for what i use/for what i want, windows for sure

6. dc or marvel:

marvel bc peggy carter is the love of my life

7. x-box or playstation:

I have not used either for any extended period of time but I'm saying xbox for the times I've used Kinect

8. dragon age or mass effect:

so I looked these up and they’re video games which is not my thing but imma agree with @gryffindorkx on this one and say dragon age just bc dragons

9. night owl or early riser:

night owl all the way

10. cards or chess:

cards bc lots of variety? but i’m also horrendous at both rip

11. chocolate or vanilla:

chocolate usually, vanilla sometimes

12. vans or converse:

vans

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar:

lmao so apparently these are dragon age characters and when you put this into google lots of the first results are fanfic?????? lmao?????????

14. fluff or angst:

hmmmm it really depends... either as long as it’s well written tbh... but also fluff.

15. beach or forest:

both?????

16. dogs or cats:

BOTH???????

17. clear skies or rain:

clear skies yikes (though I love snow)

18. cooking or eating out:

lol I suck at cooking so eating out??? but I love home cooked food and I do not have $$$... basically I just need to learn to cook is what we’re learning, kids

19. spicy food or mild food:

mild bc I don’t understand the concept of covering up the taste of the food with the spice???? like if a thing is meant to be spicy then ok but I do not understand ppl adding spice to their food......

20. halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas:

Christmas bc I like exchanging gifts and the whole family spirit thing... although we don’t really do that much to celebrate it

21. would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot:

if I can change the temperature by changing my clothing, then cold (like if I just have to wear extra layers all the time) but if it’s like a never-changing thing then hot???

22. if you could have a superpower, what would it be:

rationally, teleportation ... but just for curiosity, speaking to animals

23. animation or live action:

both!! (on average probably animation though)

24. paragon or renegade:

lmao what is with all these video game questions

25. baths or showers:

showers

26. team cap or team ironman:

why can’t everyone just get along :(((((( 

27. fantasy or sci-fi:

ugh BOTH PLEASE

28. do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they:

“We do not need magic to change the world, we carry all the power we need inside ourselves already: we have the power to imagine better.”   ― J.K. Rowling

“Nobody is wired wrong, because there’s no wrong and right in the way we are.” ― Hannah Hart

"All grown-ups were once children... but only few of them remember it." — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

29. youtube or netflix:

youtube bc it’s free also youtubers are my life

30. harry potter or percy jackson:

HARRY POTTER

31. when you feel accomplished:

is this asking for a moment I've felt accomplished?? or?? i love the feeling when i know a gift i’ve picked out for someone is Just Right, or when i feel like i’ve been helpful

32. star wars or star trek:

star wars but only bc ive never seen star trek (sorry!!)

33. paperback books or hardback books:

hardback assuming this is about owning books

34. horror or rom-com:

rom-com bc I can’t do horror but also I'm not really a rom-com person

35. tv shows or movies:

hmmm depends?? 2 years ago I would have said movies but idk now

36. favorite animal:

ugh all of them please idk ducklings are my Thing but maybe otters or owls or bumblebees or fruit bats i love them all

37. If you had the chance, which character would you bring back to life in your favorite book/movie/series? One character only

ahhh my knee jerk response was peggy carter but she lived a full life so I’ll pick Lupin??? oh no argh idk this is so hard WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

38. patterns or solids:

i added did just to express my love for patterns hehehe

i’m tagging some new and old mutuals (you’re all great, come talk to me!) (but don’t feel obliged to do this if you don’t want to):  @darlinglena​ @superbigirl​ @sabriboni​ @kryptoehoe​ @geekynerddemon​ @beingmadattheworld​ @bubbleschas​ @the-power-of-reckless-optimism​ @officialcookiebusiness​ @smileandremember​ @negomybauman​ @stevesam​ @kmalakhn​ @catnobody​@squintsandsuits​ @m-ackie​ @commanderbroodygay​ @partyhelbig​ @diz3ster​

(exactly half of 38 bc who cares about rules amirite)

[stellarsquad]

ur turn to answer all of them, lets hear it

thanks michelle ur the binch best

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?

depends on the circumstance, but I’d say yes.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?

nope

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

shapeshifting, or the power to refill things bc lets be honest that one (1) post was actually quite logical

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?

mmmmmm, maybe. maybe not 7 - 9 yrs but maybe sometime

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.

i don’t drink, so none on that front. 

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?

didn’t love her romantically, feelings didn’t go both ways. we’re g now though.

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? 

hmmmmm, probably drowning. 

8. What are your current goals?

ace my exams.

9. Do you like someone?

fuck yeah i do!!! 

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?

not sure, actually. generally if someone disappoints me they make up for it pretty quick. 

11. Do you like your body?

it does its job (mostly)

12. Can you keep a diet?

is that a joke??

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?

let people live

14. Do you work?

yeah, i tutor beginner trumpet students.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?

sushi, probably

16. Would you get a tattoo?

maybe, but probably not. not rlly my style. 

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?

my FRIENDS I LOVE MY FRIENDS

18. Can you drive?

i can,,, but am i a good driver?? up for debate.

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?

not sure

20. What was the last thing you cried for?

i’m playin the lead in a short film about a woman who’s husband dies in a crash and we filmed a scene at a graveyard for that this week, so i cried there about my ‘husband’ dying.

21. Do you keep a journal?

not anymore.

22. Is life fun?

honestly it’s looking up. so i’ll say yes.

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?

i don’t,,, even know what this question is asking??? yes?? no?? maybe?? 

24. What’s your dream car?

mini cooper, teal. or red.

25. Are grades in school important?

mmmhmmm don’t fuck around in school kids.

26. Describe your crush.

literal angel honestly, the sweetest boy i’ve ever met. 

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?

fuckin baby driver!!! that was good shit!!!

28. What was your last lie?

“dont pull that shit again i stg i will rearrange ur spinal structure until u resemble a goldfish”. it’s a lie i don’t even know how to do that.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? 

um,,, idk most of my lies are pretty stupid one likes that ^^^ and i don’t lie a lot nowadays anyway. i try to avoid it where i can.

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?

this is kind of a double standard thing for me, like,, i don’t mind if other ppl cry in front of me and i certainly won’t shame anyone for crying in public / in front of other but i’m always embarrased crying in front of other people. sooooo, idk. 

31. Something you did and you are proud of?

topping 3 of my classes atm, i think. 

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?

once again, not a drinker.

33. Something you are good at?

i’m okay at singing, i think.

34. Do you like small kids?

mmmm, depends on how small. 

35. How are you feeling right now?

exhausted but i always am sooooo,

36. What would you name your daughter/son?

lmao me?? having kids?? is that a joke??

37. What do you need to be happy?

music, my best Friends and/or my boyfriend. preferably all of em.

38. Is there some you want to punch in the face right now?

mmm, not really?? myself mostly for not doing my work. 

39. What was the last gift you received?

um, idk. probably smnthn for my birthday?? that was at the beginning of the yr i don’t remember. 

40. What was the last gift you gave?

i gave a sloth enamel pin to one of my friends this thursday just gone.

41. What was the last concert you went to?

twenty one pilots!!

42. Favourite place to shop at?

h&m, or jay jays.

43. Who inspires you?

sebastian stan

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?

are there gonna be more of these drinking questions??

45. How old were you when you first got high?

i don’t even drink bruh,,,

46. How old were you when you first had sex?

umm, well i’m ace so,,, no.

47. When was your first kiss?

recently, actually. it was good but the second one was so. much. better.

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?

stay in a relationship with my boyfriend, and beyond the end of this year, too.

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?

[pulls up 178 slide pptx] where the fuck do i start

50. Post a selfie.

how’s this: https://stellarsquad.tumblr.com/post/159788715857/flora-200417-artist-and-photographer

51. Who are you most comfortable around?

my two Best Friends ever nd my boyfriend.

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.

fuckin hell, spiders man.

53. What kind of books do you read?

fantasy and adventure

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?

trust your damn instincts. don’t be blind.

55. What is your favourite flower?

orchids!! or roses. hmmm

56. Any bad habits you have?

i scratch nd pick at my face a lot

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?

i don’t,,,, know? i don’t rlly know if i have a type, but lookin back at the people i’ve loved, good sense of humour and good jawline. i guess.

58. What was the last thing you cried for?

fuckin,, cried in A Dogs Purpose in the cinemas i’m weak.

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?

if u fuckin come at me with chicken liver,,, i will fight

60. Are you in love?

yeah, yeah i think so.

61. Something you find romantic?

i fuckin love,, holdin hands. like thats dumb but i love it.

62. How long was your longest relationship? 

abt 3 mnthn. 2 ½ i think. 

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?

girls are catty sometimes, and some girls think they’re the Queens of Everything regardless of where they are / who they’re with like,, sit down please you don’t have any power here at all.

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? 

misogyny is one thing but that’s grouping all guys together a bit generally so based on one of my guy friends, who is pretty much the only guy i have any contact w besides my bf: if i get any more texts from u tryna argue abt religion when you’re high i’ll delete ur number and change your netflix password.

65. What are you saving money for?

a camera

66. How would you describe your bad side?

a ghost but i think she’s dead. 

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?

i try to be but,,,, hmm. 

68. What are you living for?

idk my friends i think.

69.Have you ever done anything illegal?

probably!!

70. Do you like your body?

haven’t i already answered this??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?

i try to avoid it but when i’m sometimes when i’m roasting all hell breaks loose.

72. Ever sent nudes?

no.

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?

no and who the fuck would honestly.

74. Favourite candy?

mmmmm, milk bottles.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!

not rlly sorry. my own?? my sideblogs?? idek. 

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?

NIVA!!!

77. Favourite TV series?

The Checkout. yeah i’m a nerd!! come at me!!

78.Are you religious? Does God exist?

yeah, i’m Christian but im probably not a very good example of one. and God’s out there alright. He exists. 

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?

honestly,, Emma by Jane Austen can die

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?

props 2 anyone who can do it u are dedicated.

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?

since like,, 2014 i think??

82.Do you like Chineese food?

yeah boyyy

83. McDonalds or Subway?

maccaaas

84. Vodka or whiskey?

-  _-

85. Alcohol or drugs?

-     __-

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?

heck yeah

87. Meaning behind your blog name?

space gang

88. What are you scared of?

being forgotten

89. Last time you were insulted?

My Best Friend (if she even is that,, MICHELLE) called me a preschooler yesterday nd she can choke

90. Most traumatic experience ?

nov2015 to like,, jan2017

91. Perfect date idea?

stargazing and makin out tbh.

92. Favourite app on your phone?

spotify!

93. What colour are the walls in your room?

purple nd white

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?

not rlly anymore?? probably still dan and phil.

95. Share your favourite quote.

“And just remember, bad times, are just times that are bad.” its from fuckin,,, animal crossing i love it so much it’s so dumb.

96. What is the meaning of life?

live for others, and others will live for you. its,,,, cyclical.

97. Do you like horror movies?

no no no nooooo

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?

yeah, i went to state level in a public speaking competition and she cried bc she was proud.

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?

i’m lucky to have an actual angel as a bf, my guy

100. Can you keep a secret?

yeah. i’m good at those.

and thats all of them!! sorry this is so long guys