#so I am saving fairly often so I will know where that point is and know not to go past it until I've gotten all the upgrades and whatnot :P

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[utilitycaster]

I can't find the tags where someone said this so apologies for not crediting but they were to the effect of "EXU Divergence is very good and we don't need to compare it to Campaign 3 to point that out" and the thing is, I agree. Speaking only for myself I think my intent is, admittedly, to some extent less about pointing out how good EXU Divergence is and rather using the contrast to back up the point that Bells Hells were often self-absorbed, utterly uninterested and even scornful of any meaningful collective action until maybe the epilogues, and indecisive in a way that felt as though it should have been lethal but somehow wasn't; and that a story where every choice has a terrible clarity and potentially dire consequences is instantly compelling whereas no amount of screen time can save a story where this isn't true.

But also: I think, as many have, and EXU Divergence underscores this, that the attitude the PCs had towards the gods in Campaign 3 not only fails to be backed up by C3 itself but also fails to be backed up literally anywhere else. It's not a subversion; it's an aberration. The ending of Campaign 3 and the beginning of Divergence serve as fairly obvious parallels; the gods becoming mortal and unable to speak to followers (who, in the case of clerics, do still have all their powers, as we see with Lieve'tel and Deanna) vs. the gods departing the material plane. We see how this does not end the fight between Prime and Betrayer nor does it stop their followers from trying to take over (and indeed, we know that the lower Rifenmist peninsula does still ultimately fall, in the long term, to the Strife Emperor loyalist Iron Authority). We also see very directly what faith means to people who cannot under any circumstances be defined as the privileged few; for all I have no taste for trauma Olympics, it is difficult to look at Garen, under tyranny and forced labor for a century, powerless but for a hammer and sheer force of will, express a sense of hope and faith and argue that Bells Hells are simply following the logical path of someone who has suffered. We see the gods expressly state that mortals must care for each other, something which Deanna echoes in one of the strongest scenes in the Campaign 3 finale. We see a gift given without expectation of devotion nor worship nor even understanding, just in gratitude of someone fulfilling a tenet to its utmost. Which is refreshing after a campaign where multiple characters resented gods simply for not favoring them, without ever putting in effort towards this relationship.

I've seen the phrase "in a vacuum" pop up a few times in terms of defense of Campaign 3 in terms of "in a vacuum, I am happy with it", and while I happen to think it fails on many levels even within that airless confine, the fact is, this all is unavoidably part of one canonical overarching narrative. To look at how the gods are portrayed in every single other work - yes, even Downfall, and frankly, even Campaign 3 itself - and to come to the conclusion that Bells Hells acted with the desire for a better and more just world, and not simply a world that favored them more, is, frankly, to ignore every word that did not come from the lips of three or four ignorant people over the course of a decades-long story.

EXU Divergence is very good. I think it would be very good even if it were not coming out during our current political situation, or if it had come out following a radically different and better-executed Campaign 3; that is to say, it would succeed in a vacuum. But I don't think that's a valuable way to assess fictional works, and I think it's a disservice not to consider the canonical Exandria-set Critical Role works in conversation with each other. You can praise Divergence on its own terms, and indeed, you should, but it helps to show specifically how it succeeds (in terms of consequence, in terms of characterization, in terms of worldbuilding consistency) by pointing to how something else has failed.

[deadmercenaryslover]

ok maybe you know. WHAT is going on with ol istys nobleman status? some stuff indicates he was always one and other that sigismund gave him a title after he saved his ass. What Is The Truth?

Oof, I definitely wish I knew that, because I could really use the information for fic-writing purposes, but unfortunately, I don’t. I suppose no one knows the whole truth, except maybe some lorekeeper at Warhorse, assuming they have one.

That said, there are a few in-game hints that could be used if someone wants to form their own headcanons.

Here are some of the tidbits I’ve used while shaping my personal take on Ištván’s background for the fic I’m currently writing, probably in a fairly random order. Just keep in mind that I’m going to veer pretty heavily into headcanon territory here, and I’m not claiming any of this is canon. Just some random thoughts put together.

Thanks for asking, though! 🖤 I just love to yap about Ištván and KCD in general, I’m just usually a bit too shy to share my thoughts unprompted.

(It's going to be a pretty long post, so I'm going to put the whole thing under a cut.)

So, what we do know for certain is that Ištván was born in Banat, his parents were killed by the Turks, and his father had a fortress, which somewhat implies that Ištván was originally highborn.

I think this is where we have a gap we can fill with whatever we want and veer deep into headcanon territory, since he trails off and never finishes the sentence (or, well, he does, but it feels like he was thinking of something else than what he actually ends up saying...). Personally, I still feel like it's quite heavily implied that whatever happened to him after his family was slain and his home destroyed must have been deeply traumatizing for him. I know the devşirme theory is quite popular, though I believe becoming a war captive and ending up in regular slavery is just as plausible an option.

I don’t know if it’s just me, though probably not based on what I’ve seen, but I get the feeling that Ištván is kind of dancing around the issue here, despite usually being all about tough talk. To me, that suggests there's deep trauma behind it, likely connected to sexual abuse.

I also believe that what Henry says to him, "You pretend to be cruel, but you take good care of Erik. Someone must have really hurt you, am I right?" also points in that direction.

Another thing we know for certain is that, at some point, he fought the Turks, as we hear from both Ištván himself and Erik (in KCD1), and that he also fought in the Battle of Nicopolis in 1396. There's still a lot left open to individual interpretation, but I think one possible reading is that the events at Nicopolis led to Ištván, who might’ve been just an ordinary mercenary back then, becoming personally acquainted with Sigismund.

I imagine it's also possible that Sigismund rewarded him for his service by elevating him to the nobility, despite the battle itself ending in disaster. Saving your king’s life has to count for something, right?

I think this bit is also interesting to take into account. More often than not, Ištván seems to look for connections between himself and Henry, but here he draws a rare distinction. The way I see it, this doesn't necessarily contradict the possibility of Ištván being noble by birth. I could see it implying that he simply lost that privilege at some point in his life, likely when his family was slain and his home destroyed.

I imagine noble blood doesn't count for much when you are all alone and have lost everything. With his family gone, and the possibility of him being taken into the Ottoman Empire and kept there for some time, would he even have had any way to prove he was of noble origin? Even if he had surviving relatives, they might not recognize him after so many years and could be inclined to think he was just some impostor trying to get his hands on family wealth or something.

I don't know, just some food for thought.

And then there's this small detail. I just find it interesting how he says "the noblemen," not "we noblemen." Again, we can't be sure whether he's simply trying to influence Henry by highlighting their supposed similarities, or whether he genuinely relates to Henry here, even though he's a nobleman himself. It could just as well be both, I suppose. This doesn't have to mean anything, but I wanted to include it because it supports my personal interpretation that Ištván might personally not relate much to those nobles who have led easier lives than he likely has.

And from there, we come to another aspect I’ve been thinking about lately, one that’ll probably need its own post at some point: taking a sociolinguistic approach to Ištván’s background. I don’t have the screenshots at hand to support my theory yet, but it seems to me that he can switch between appearing as a rough mercenary and an eloquent nobleman, depending on what the situation calls for (and yet, he's often being clocked for this, too.) The clearest example of this, I think, is the way he code-switches during the prison scene in Nebakov while speaking with Sir Jaromier.

This doesn’t have to mean anything in particular, either. We could just draw a parallel between Ištván and, say, the Dry Devil and leave it at that, but as a language nerd, it’s just something that’s caught my attention. If anyone’s interested, I could ramble some more about it.

[yudrein-aile]

meta: plot, pacing and patience

This is infinitely more rambly and less academic than my previous meta posts a breakdown as unhinged as everything else I’ve written, but the thought wouldn’t let me go since I made the post, so here we are. Since we are also plenty of people reading Turning now, I encourage everyone to add to this post/discussion.

So, what is the point of this post? Well, it’s mostly that I’ve grown a little impatient and annoyed with Turning’s current arc (1200s).

That Turning is a novel that takes its time to tell its story I’ve known since I decided to get into this story.

(18th January 2024, 1 am decisions were being made)

But that isn’t at all bad – Turning is an incredibly fun story and the whole Omegaverse, Powers, Historical Fantasy and Regression really made me look forward to the story. I’ve written about Omegaverse in Turning already, and I guess I’ll tackle the other topics someday in the future. If you look at my AO3, you know that I love this story to bits – hell, this is the first fandom I made a side blog for. With my love and credentials thus established, I can now say:

Turning has lost the plot with its pacing.

Kuyu is brilliant at constructing circular narratives. Gakane failing to stand up to Duke Durmand and his mean comments about Gakane’s family (502) comes back much later (996) with him finally being able to stand proudly. Moments like these make reading Turning very fun because it rewards you for reading attentively.

However, Turning is, in my opinion, taking way too long to deliver on some of its initial premise so that the length of many arcs, or intermediate moments such as we’ve seen a lot since the 1000s, feel more like they’re holding the story up instead of furthering it.

So let’s take a look at what Turning initially promised and how far it delivered on that so far.

The summary of Turning tells us the following

Yuder used to be a commoner

He is an omega

He manages to achieve a fairly high status

He was killed after being falsely accused and executed

He is back in time

To avoid his own fate and save the world, he has to save someone he killed

Now these points are very interesting, because from this plot summary, we then go ahead and interpret what this story is about. This, naturally, doesn’t mean that the story can’t deviate from it, but this is what I’d call the initial “contract” the reader enters with the narrative. If these plot points aren’t delivered on, or the explanation as to the why isn’t properly fulfilled, then we end up feeling dissastisfied.

So let’s take it from the top!

The Commoner Status / Rise in Status

This doesn’t plop up too often in the story as Yuder is treated as an equal by Kishiar and his friends, regardless of their status. However, this already shows up in the very second chapter for the reasoning as to why Yuder decides to join the Cavalry again even though it brought him so much misery.

The previous Yuder had held a great deal of power and influence as the Cavalry commander of the Empire, but now he was nothing more than a young newcomer from the countryside. Who would actually listen to someone like that?

Yuder needs influence to prevent the end of the world and the quickest and easiest way of solving that is to remain in the Cavalry. Yet Yuder does not aspire to become Cavalry Commander again – this ties in to his desire to keep Kishiar right where he is and the fact that Yuder doesn’t regard himself as particularly skilled when it comes to leadership, but that’s a topic for a different piece of meta.

His commoner status also gets revised fairly quickly. In Chapter 51, he is granted the title of Knight, in chapter 498 he is granted the title as a non-inheritable barony, which later gets upgraded to being inheritable (1041). So, for most of the story actually, Yuder is not a commoner anymore.

Still, the difference in status is played with rather funnily/interestingly in the West Arc when he and Kishiar do some real fake dating.

Omega Second Gender

Yuder honestly deserves a whole breakdown of how his perception of himself as an Omega shapes his worldview, but I want to focus on something else – namely for how long this matters. Often enough when recommending Turning, people do say that it’s good for people who haven’t read any Omegaverse because it’s very downlow.

And this fact, while true, is also my specific criticism of the novel at this point. While I’m glad that unlike in most omegaverse, I don’t read about the main couple having intercourse and know there’s a bun in the oven immediately, I do think Turning is not taking enough advantage of the fact that second genders are entirely new to this world. This topic usually only matters in regards to how Yuder feels about himself (next to Kishiar/in their relationship).

This topic is much more present still in the first 200 chapters when Yuder is afraid of how his second gender manifestation will play out. We are told in the first chapter that he was not seen as a proper Omega and learn soon after (4) that he didn’t experience heat cycles or a scent, which clearly leads the reader to question why.

Second genders come up as a topic when he informs Kishiar of how they should proceed during the Red Stone retrieval arc (38), then when Jimmy is on the cusp of manifesting (68). In chapter 115 we have Lenore and Beltreil discuss Kishiar’s second gender to make fun of him, and also, I believe, ridicule male omegas for being capable of pregnancy. After the Apeto Arc and Yuder’s second gender manifestations, any discussions of second gender drops severely, ignoring the two times somebody manifests their second gender, it only really matters when matters of Yuder’s heat comes up in the 600s or Kishiar’s later in the 1100s.

It’s understandable since Yuder’s fears about the topic are mostly dealt with, but it would strengthen the plot of the novel if this was a topic that influenced the course of actions more.

Yuder’s death

Now this is an interesting one as it ties us back to the first chapter. The story starts with the long list of things Yuder is accused with:

"You are a criminal who forgot your duties and responsibilities as the commander of the cavalry, and dared to conspire with an absurd claim that you acted for the sake of the world. You trespassed into the forbidden sanctuary, attempting to steal the World Sphere. Do you acknowledge your involvement in the assassination of Duke of Peletta nine years ago, the destruction of the Pearl Tower seven years ago, the Red Field Rebellion five years ago, and countless other incidents that cannot be enumerated? When the truth was revealed, you shamelessly attempted to flee by joining forces with other countries."

We deal with the World Sphere / the Red Stone fairly early in the story. Kishiar’s death is something Yuder does not dispute – he is very upfront about the fact that he did kill him. The mystery remains the why and what Yuder forgot about it.

The Red Field Rebellion is also addressed in Chapter 600 and with Ejain’s appearance (173) we also learn about Yuder conspiring with other countries supposedly.

However, it’s been 1200+ chapters and we still haven’t even heard anything about the destruction of Pearl Tower and the involvement of other nations has more or less become a side note. This seems to be making a come back now with Melbourn showing up again in the 1230s, but this is still insanely long after we initially are introduced with this premise.

The other factors that lead to Yuder’s death is, obviously, Katchian. Reading Turning is very much about reading about Katchian’s fall from grace. Yuder very early on decides not to lash out at Katchian, he barely even spares him a thought. The message to the readers is clear: Katchian is so far beneath Yuder’s notice, he doesn’t consider taking him out a necessity, is much more occupied with keeping Kishiar, and thus by extension Keilusa, in power.

Regression

Yuder does not appear to care to figure out how he regressed for the longest time, if there are any stipulations, anything he needs to watch out for etc. He spends three days locked up in his inn (2) sorting his thoughts before figuring out what he wants to do. Certainly he considered his regression in depth there too, but we don’t get to see this.

It’s only much later that the topic of time magic is actually handled – something that struck me as odd considering in chapter 2, he tells us

Turning back time was something that not even the most powerful Awakener being could do. Gods often showed their power through their subjects, but there had never been a case of someone being saved from death and sent back in time.

It is only in Chapter 529 that we are introduced to the idea that somebody else might have gone back in time like Yuder – the First Emperor. And it, once again, isn’t until the 1200s that we actually make some progress on that research.

Saving the world

We learn about the cracks and monsters very early on. In chapter 256 it is mentioned that

In his past life, among the disasters that struck the entire continent, phenomena resembling natural calamities often started after such a crack was discovered. Yuder had personally met those who witnessed similar cracks at the starting point of the first recorded earthquake in the southern part of the Empire, in the skies above regions that caused abnormal weather, and on the ground just before a massive swarm of monsters poured out. He had even seen one himself.

The latter half of the Southern Arc is concerned with defeating/preventing such a crack – and they do so with great success. But that took nearly 700 Chapters to get there. This is far too long a payoff. While we learn more about these cracks and then more recently after the Southern arc what caused them – we still don’t know much.

TLDR

Turning sets up a lot of premises very early… and then takes too long to deliver on them. Kuyu is very skilled at picking up details they put down ages ago. However, I believe that they’re taking too long to deliver on some of these premises.

The pacing of Turning is, in two words, too slow. This feels like an insane statement considering we’re getting daily chapters, but truth is that it is simply taking too long to get to the relevant information we initially picked this story up for. Story arcs are spanning too long, remembering a detail from 600 chapters ago is rewarding, but also leaves the reader with the expectation that they’ll somehow recall all of this when they might have last read this nearly two years ago if they’ve been reading the story from the start.

And, now this is my main hypothesis and statement:

Turning is lacking An End Goal

Discovering what or who you’re actually fighting along the story is an often done trope. You don’t have to know your big bad from the start as a reader. Discovering who the main threat is alongside the characters is what makes this fun. Kuyu’s design of Yuder lacking information due to things being messed up for so long in the 1st tl/his lack of status when some events happened, is brilliant to ensure we don’t have an all-knowing, all-seeing, all-predicting main character. Yuder is as much dragged by the wings of the butterfly as the reader.

However, it has been 1200+ chapters. It is ridiculous that we still know so very little about what actually caused the destruction/to what end goal that was.

With politics heavy plots, you usually don’t just have one bad guy, but an entire spiderweb – but Turning doesn’t have this type of spiderweb. Kishiar and Yuder successfully track down the Bad Guy/Event of the Week and defeat them rather without troubles.

There seldom is a moment where they’re actually in danger. The stakes don’t keep rising. This makes sense in the context that for Yuder, the 2nd tl is essentially a fix-it for the first. However, sometimes this leaves the 2nd timeline feeling almost like a fix-it fic instead of a story of its own. I’m not afraid or at the edge of my seat when Kishiar and Yuder are separated because I know they’ll come out on top because they’re insanely strong and smart – much more so than any of their opponents.

And that, in the end, makes it almost a little boring.

I like Duke Diarca as this schemer in the capital. We are told of his influence, of how he has even the judges in his pockets, but this overall amounts to nearly nothing. Katchian practically self-destructs on his own and does not resemble the Emperor who made Yuder, injured, kneel in front of him to give his report. The Sage dies a pathetic death – his replacement similarly.

There is basically nobody to struggle against beyond these cracks, the shattering world, we are still only learning about.

And that, I’d argue, is Turning’s biggest weakest. It doesn’t just take long to deliver, it takes too long. It doesn’t have enough faith in its own protagonists to challenge them as they deserve.

Don’t’ get me wrong – I love Turning. You don’t usually bang out 40+ fanfics for a story you hate. I just wish it would be a little better.

[zarathebleachfox]

"Unlike Hell, it is a peaceful place": On The Parvence Of Heaven

Part I of a Ramble on Bleach's narrative of Flawed Worlds

How many times have we heard fans complain about how much of a lie Rukia's initial statement on the Seireitei is?

I... personally do not know. I am fairly new to the fandom. I lurk on the subreddit and I have previously reblogged stuff here on Tumblr.

I will not approach this Manga the same way I have been doing until now anymore, by simply saving Reddit posts and commenting there, or reblogging Tumblr stuff. I have decided I will make and cultivate my own sideblog, where I throw up my opinions and analysis. I want to write more than just updates on how my experience with Bleach is going so far.

Since like I said, Ichigo is a much more complex character than it may seem on the surface, I cannot pretend to be able to analyze him TOO deeply as I currently stand. Therefore my first addition to the fandom will be a surely amateur-ish ramble on why I like that the Seireitei is so confusing... and mostly? Not at all the way Rukia describes it. And why even so, it is a place I love dearly, specifically because of how fucked up and realistic it is, to the point it made me emotional. It's like I could see the real world in Bleach... A world which, however, being fictional, could see its redemption unfold on page, because it is a story, it has a beginning and an end. A world with both assholes and good people, or people who are very often both, and nevertheless you can appreciate their character because it tells something poignant about real life.

And while My Hero Academia is similar in crafting a world that does not fully fix itself, I enjoyed watching the Anime and reading the Manga of Bleach much more than I did when I read Boku No Hero Academia. Idk, in My Hero Academia the "let's save the Villains" theme that was built up ended up being wasted in my opinion: most of the villains died, when the story was building up a redemption for them; but it veered towards tragedy mostly at the final arcs and it kind of threw me off, while in the Bleach world the element of tragedy is a constant, and so it does not surprise me when I see changes in the world happen slowly and with hiccups along the way, and without everyone who deserved it being present to see it.

Ichigo is not meant to completely and physically demolish world structures like Mydoriya seemed to have been built up to do (seriously the want and strong desire I had for Izuku to save Shigaraki was incredibly fucked over by Shiggy's death), Ichigo has always been meant to merely inspire people towards introspection and give them a slight push. Probably because he himself is pretty independent so he may consider it better for people to be able to have a change of heart on their own if they want, and if they don't, eh, no matter, he'll fight them and stop them from doing harm. Mydoriya and Ichigo are similar in purpose, but not the consequences the story set up for them. Ichigo ends up being more coherently inserted in the narrative.

Aaaannywayyyyyy...

I will focus on how the Shinigami and Rukongai inhabitants see the world, for this Ramble, so I am sorry if you do not see a Quincy perspective on this. The Quincy are another very complicated group to investigate for me.

So without further ado, let's begin! Remember, this is no formal analysis and mostly a ramble!

The build up to the themes

Let's face it, early Bleach episodes, in my case the Anime's especially because it is the first way I approached Bleach, had an aura of mystery that the following narrative arcs and/or seasons failed to replicate to the same extent and with the same impact. This does not necessarily make it the best part of Bleach; but it makes for one of the best beginnings to a Manga/Anime I have seen, because like I said, it is a treasure chest: everything you find afterwards, the first moments of Bleach already set up.

The mystery, which helps cloak the themes so that they can fully develop later, was still present in the Soul Society Arc when people were investigating who killed "Aizen", and when we could sense that Rukia being thrown in prison was intensely wrong; then the story focuses on fights and duels, both of the small and gargantuan types, and ended up proposing a narrative of mystery again, which I liked a lot, during the Fullbring Arc. And the original themes that the first arcs spoke of are always found in these arcs, as leitmotifs...

...But introductions matter. Like I said, I believe that Bleach succeeded marvelously because the main theme and sub-theme are already inserted in the first arcs in a way coherent with the protagonist, and this can be noticed once the fan has matured with the series, but only because they already had really strong hints they could work on. I have seldom seen a manga that remained this consistent with its core theme. Like I said, I feel My Hero Academia did it but fell off at the end.

Let's focus on the beginning of the Manga/Anime. Because it is here that, for the first time, we see most of the themes that will be exposed in Soul Society Arc almost fully, and they are shown in a way that gave me, personally, whiplash when I realized what the story was setting up for me.

The premises of the story seem simple, don't they? When people die with regrets, their souls remain in the world of the living, haunting it as Hollows that have a "hole" in their body symbolizing an incomplete life they led previously. The Shinigami purify Hollows, making sure they become normal souls again and can pass on to the Soul Society.

There is a lot of mystery surrounding not only Hollows, but Soul Society as well. We only know it's there, and an additional statement from Rukia tells us that it's supposedly "unlike the world of the living", or, as she specifies, rather "heavenly" too.

But that is not true, and the story tells us this by making sure that we understand that the same society Rukia has come to idealize... is plotting to hurt her. We already know that there is something bad brewing, because she mentions often how she needs to regain her strength and Ichigo can keep doing her job until then. However, they spend a lot of time together, so isn't someone in Soul Society going to mind? Isn't she supposed to keep burying souls and purifying Hollows? Why is she focusing on training Ichigo?

Isn't it going to go awry?

And it does go awry. Because Rukia tells us, in a rather complicated way too (I had difficulty understand the way she phrased it when I read it) that a Shinigami must focus on the souls of the dead, not the lives of the living... But Rukia is clearly attached to the living. Not only because she trains Ichigo... That is only a manifestation of what condemns her.

It is what makes us alarmed, but not what hurts her in the end. What hurts her is that she bothered to save the living at all. If one is to be precise, saving the living could seem like what a Shinigami is meant to do, but that is not how a traditional Shinigami, the kind who condemned her, sees their role. What a Shinigami should do, according to them, is "keeping the balance", but not intervening further. That means that it is only a Shinigami who should save souls and purify Hollows, and a Shinigami should not give humans power to do what a Shinigami does, that in itself is breaking the balance.

Yet, what she did does in the end help more souls than it risks throwing off the balance. But the Shinigami do not care in that moment.

So she is condemned, according to what her own brother and Renji tell her when they chase her and defeat Ichigo, because she helped someone save their family.

This is where we should first understand that what Rukia tells us about Soul Society being "heavenly" is a lie. This is where we must understand that this is not a story about Heaven and Hell; Heaven and Hell do not exist, but the people who define them do, and they walk in a self-damaging circle that should end one day, but is not quite there yet.

Finally, the themes

The first sub-theme of this theme I just spoke of and that Bleach shoves in our face, is Tradition Is Paramount. It is hinted at us in the shape of both a question and an answer:

"Is Soul Society really heavenly?"

"Yes, and YES".

Why are both true? Because Soul Society is heavenly in aspect: it feels unsurmountable, it feels looming and dangerous in the way only an authoritative and intransigent god can be.

But is it heavenly in feeling? This is where a "No" would come in, because authority authomatically creates an austere environment where feelings are stifled, but as you see, the "No" is replaced by another Yes. A more vehement and firm one.

An authoritative yes.

Soul Society is not heavenly in nature: it is heavenly only due to its authority, and inside, the people live a life characterized by tradition and appearances that are only shattered once one ends in one of the districts with the highest crime rates. Renji symbolizes this: he is an agent of tradition and yet he does not strictly follow it, he is desperate for Rukia and wants to save her but does not know how. Byakuya also symbolizes this: he is an agent of tradition, he wants to represent its magnanimity ("we nobles must set a good example for the many") but is not allowed to because for one to be truly magnanimous, they must be able to save their sister; they must be able to give a second chance to who makes a mistake. Tradition takes away from these characters what they want most.

And yet, even when these powerful beings have such powerful feelings, not much changes. They are all pining and breaking inside.

Soul Society needs to convince itself that it IS heavenly, so it sings this song of responsibility, of law, to itself. Why? Well... It elevates itself to status of defender of the worlds and it kills its goodness on the inside: because when you have to be the defender of something as gigantic and immense as the whole world order, you are bound to lose sight of something, whether you actively choose to do so, or it becomes far too natural for you to LET IT be so.

At least in the beginning that is how Souls Society is supposed to be. That is how it behaves, that is how it shoots itself in the foot. Because as much as people consider Aizen to be a man of pure schemes and logic, he is actually Passion, and so it is what Soul Society lost sight of that risks dooming it. Passion is also what Ichigo brings to them, in a benevolent shape, but it rocks their world just as much as when it broke, when Aizen showed them what it means to suppress every single facet of it. By Passion, I mean Rebellion. By rebellion, I mean Renewal.

Both of them are meant to show Soul Society it was in the wrong. Before the Aizen reveal and Ichigo saving the day by being unconventional, going against Rukia's execution and all that, the Ryouka Invasion in and of itself was a build up to the second sub-theme: Change Is Paramount.

The world is nature. Nature is never the same as it is after an instant passes. As divided as the worlds are in Bleach, they influence each other, they cannot remain static: and paradoxically it IS by design. Soul Society wanted things to be precise, follow a certain specific flow and norms: souls get purified, Shinigami do not care about them and only live in function of their work. However, when one saves a soul from being eaten or mutilated, when someone sees the soul behind the shape of a Hollow, can they truly say they have not had thoughts about it? Soul Society, like I said, sings a desperate song to itself: in trying to keep the flow being a certain way, they do not realize that it is useless because the worlds are built to communicate either way. The worlds can be considered united even when split, and the only barrier is toxic responsibility.

Only because the barrier was breached, could lives be saved. Only because Ichigo said "fuck Seireitei laws" did Soul Society gain a second chance... A chance to welcome change gradually, instead of constantly fighting it. And I believe it is thanks to both Ichigo and Aizen that Soul Society could start changing.

They had to choose one, you see? Both Ichigo and Aizen were unstoppable. Fearless. They weren't going to back down. Change was inevitable and Soul Society realized it.

And I think they chose Ichigo not only because it is more convenient for them, but perhaps, it is because he cares about them more than Aizen does. Mind you, through Aizen's perspective, it is somewhat understandable why he does not care much (he was born a force of nature, like Yamamoto, Zaraki, Unohana, Ywach, and like most of these guys he wants to run unbridled, with a difference: he ends up wanting to make no compromises, he accepts no responsibilities), but Ichigo's perspective is not that wrong either.

He wants to see change without everyone dying, he does not want change to be for the sake of a Gotcha™ but for the sake of the people inside the system and I think that Soul Society does realize this... And with Ichigo they manage to open themselves up to feelings once more, to things outside of responsibility, because they see someone from the human world deciding to be involved no matter what they do to keep him away. Because people talk a lot about how Soul Society makes Ichigo uphold a lot of their responsibilities, that's true! But there have also been moments in which they try to push Ichigo away. I think them asking Ichigo for help is a sign that while they keep up a prideful appearance, they have lost a bit of their inner pride. Ichigo breached through them due to the opportunity offered by Aizen's betrayal and it started working!

Final considerations

I think Ichigo symbolizes the realization on the Gotei 13's part of the need for Soul Society to see other worlds not only as enemies or mere components of the balance, but places filled with people who have different ambitions and ideas and that may want to save the worlds as well, even though they are not in the Gotei. I think Ichigo brought forth the realization of the necessity of humility. And Soul Society progresses slow as a slug but there is fertile ground for new perspectives to be considered.

So the Gotei now knows, begrudgingly, they are not heavenly, that they are merely an institution. And they may realize that they do not need to strive for being heavenly either, they need to treat their issues as if they were an institution, in fact, and an institution is a thing that NEEDS reforms in order to be adequate to the people inside of it and the other worlds, and not something that should become heavenly and revel in a static atmosphere.

Soul Society is not heaven. It is not doing well. It is not perfect, it is not paramount. And that's ok. They needed to recognize that. With Shunsui on top, it is highly probable we will see positive changes and a more open attitude. It will be interesting to see.

After the lore about the Soul King dropped, and about Quincies dropped as well, even more thoughts about them appeared in my mind. And about how they speak of Soul Society's flaws, even though they are not flawless themselves.

But in the next ramble I think I would prefer talking about why Hueco Mundo is important instead. I am not sure I will talk deeply about my thoughts on the Quincies soon, if ever, because my favs are mostly Shinigami and Arrancar/Espada. I will also explore what the Vizards mean I think, but I may backtrack.

I hope you liked this part of the Ramble.

[iliadicjasontodd]

:D talk to me abt Shelia! Love your posts and I'd love to hear abt your thoughts!

Hi! Thank you :)) SO.

My thoughts on Sheila Haywood are not 100% stable, and there were times in the past where I would often waver on whether I believed she was even actually Jason's biological mother-- there is some compelling tragedy to that idea, isn't there? He dies chasing a woman he never finds, dies for someone who was not who he believed she was at all... but nowadays I mostly apply Occam's razor here. I also am not a huge fan of the idea of Lady Shiva being Jason's biological mother because I like Jason not coming from some larger-than-life bloodline/inheritance besides the ones he is adopted into; it feels very close to the idea that Jason was "doomed from the start" to me (obligatory disclaimer that I have seen it done interestingly but. yeah anyway a lot of that goes into my feelings on Cass which is not the question here so I digress).

I find Sheila's life fascinating in the sense that she is, when we meet her, obviously a shitty person but shitty in a way that feels very real to me. She is often flattened or villanised in a way that I wouldn't say isn't fair to her but I would say is rather boring, and rather easy and one-note, anyway. I am not convinced, for instance, that Sheila was just born a heinous bitch or something; I'm fairly certain that she became opportunistic and ruthless out of self-preservation over time, to the point that I don't think it would be ludicrous to say she gave up Jason partly for Jason's sake as much as because she could not stomach being hindered by a baby. Also, on a different note, it is interesting to me that she didn't abort him (until he was 15, anyway). Maybe it was out of fear, sure, considering what happened at her hands, but maybe part of her did want to have him. I do not think there is a world in which she would have been the best mother to Jason, but I do think there are many where she was a mother of some kind-- and by some kind, I mean a very, very common kind. Women are not inherently maternal, or warm, or emotionally intelligent, and Sheila is not really any of these things and probably knew it, but I do believe she would have at least effectively gotten Jason to adulthood had they ended up in a world where he was her responsibility in a way she acknowledged made him her responsibility. A lot of my views on this are admittedly influenced by convos in dms, but yeah-- I don't think Jason, empathetic and sensitive and emotional as he is, could have ever gotten along with Sheila, but she is his mother. To Jason, who died trying to save her despite everything, that mattered; and, to Sheila, that mattered at the end, too, just far, far too late. I don't think Jason would mind having been buried near her-- actually, I think if Bruce knew exactly what went down it would bother him more to have buried Jay there than it would Jay, probably. I agree with that post that I think I reblogged recently that says if Sheila ever came back to life Jason would want her in his life. I agree with it so thoroughly I might write it myself one day.

And also she was really hot.

If we're going into constructed headcanon territory I do like the idea that Sheila is one of those Latina middle-aged women that bleach their hair that one specific shade of blonde when they hit 30 or so. Latines know which. But usually, tbh, when I'm feeling specific, I ascribe to the idea that Jason is half-Mexican on Willis' side, Willis who he thoroughly resembles, Sheila being white. I'm not married to any idea about her ethnic background or anything though.

Anyway, I could afford to have more thoughts about Sheila, tbh. I admittedly spend far more time thinking about Willis. I hope this was at least a bit interesting, anon :))

[steelheart-redux]

how often do you draw/how do you manage to do. that much work (uploading a comic every tuesday and thursday(?)…) is there any tips you use to save time and also sanity. also hi your comic is really good both art and story wise…

hello!

well. how do i update 2-3 times a week. i will be honest one part of it is just that i am kind of nuts. do not try to match my update schedule unless you also have the Evil Need To Output Pages As Fast As Possible. it is perfectly okay (and frankly more normal) to update at a slower pace. i just naturally draw very very quickly, and am going a little bonkers from having these guys stuck in only my head for 2 years.

but in terms of actual advice. most of my advice is aimed at people who live at the whims of their dysfunctional brains, so it boils down to making the creation of comic pages Not An Arduous Task.

for me, that comes in the form of doing as much work as possible upfront.

i keep comic planning (writing the story, researching things, scripting if i do that, thumbnails, etc.) a fairly separate thing from actually making the comic panels. i make Big Decisions and set up everything i need page-wise on days that i have more motivation, to make it easier to do work on days i have less.

for example, say i'm feeling pretty foggy today, but i know I wanted to get page 54 done. So I go, and instead of seeing a completely blank document (scary!), i see this:

the composition is already there, the dialogue is decided (though admittedly i do change that a lot), and i already have a zarian render ready to go. the thinking is done! i just have to do the legwork, which at that point is pretty mindless. i watch a lot of youtube while i do these.

i also organize my pages in a weird way that i find rewarding, but this answer is pretty long already lol. i'll elaborate if asked.

so that's sanity. as for time, i've talked about using 3d models for characters and props. you don't have to make them if you don't know how, i know csp(?) has built-in asset libraries, and there's plenty of stuff online. make color palettes, if you can! i didn't know procreate had a color palette feature for way too long!!!! also, reuse backgrounds! please reuse backgrounds. if you're like me and get kind of squinchy about doing it, just blur it (comic style allowing) or use props and characters to cover up more noticeable things, and/or draw over things to make it slightly different. i've used the same background panel six times in the past few pages. did you notice?

lastly, don't beat yourself up for not following your planned page creation schedule to a T. things happen. life happens. it's okay. but also, if you're like me, know there might be some days where you do have to give yourself a bit of a kick in the pants to get things going. all the stuff i talked about above is designed to make that easier.

i hope this makes sense, and thank you for reading!

[iamnmbr3]

Any chance of another excerpt of the drarry letter writing fic? hope you post it soon

Oh. Sure. He's a bit that takes place a little after the first excerpt. At this rate I'll end up posting the whole thing on tumblr lol. Anon is referencing this.

Potter,

Yes, yes, how very devious and Slytherin of me. I’m sure no noble and chivalrous Gryffindor would ever dream of doing something so convoluted and scheming. 

I know what a telephone is. I even know what to do when it starts making noise (now). I talk to muggles quite a lot, actually, as I live in a muggle neighborhood. They all seem to think I’m a refugee from some foreign country where we did things very differently. I’ve received many compliments on my English, which is, I’m told, nearly perfect. 

I’ve told them there was a war, that bad people tried to seize power and do terrible things, so I suppose they all think I was very brave and clever to have escaped and hidden myself here since they don’t know I was on the wrong side. Much of the wizarding world doesn’t want to have anything to do with me so it’s rather nice to be around people who do not know who I really am. 

I have also been trying to learn more about the groups and viewpoints I was raised to despise. I wonder now whether much of the hatred of muggles was born, not out of a sense of superiority, but out of fear. What they have accomplished without magic is truly incredible, though I still don’t understand half of it. And I’ve gotten much better at blending in, though they do still look at me strangely sometimes. How was I to know cars aren’t pulled by invisible animals? What makes them go then? 

Did you really get into trouble that often when you were growing up? I should have known, given all the detentions you got when we were at school (though not as many as you should have – I still don’t know how you managed to get out of half of them). I suppose I always imagined your family had been fairly indulgent with you, given your background. 

Most of my detentions were because of you. My parents were not pleased. (You never even thanked me for not saying anything about that stupid dragon in first year by the way).  And for the last time, letters should be written on a clean piece of parchment. Not on the back of someone else’s note. You’re supposed to save correspondence for future reference. Not send it back like it’s worthless. 

Yours,

Draco 

P.S. I don’t think your single mistake quite matches the magnitude of my own grievous errors. Especially as I had tried to use an Unforgivable on you at the time. And I’d nearly poisoned you and two others not that long before. I think about that a lot. If you’d all drunk at once, all three of you could have died. And what would have happened then? There would have been no one left to stop Him. Because of me. 

***

Draco,

You might be surprised. I was actually nearly sorted into Slytherin. The Sorting Hat only put me in Gryffindor because I asked it not to put me in Slytherin.   

I like walking around muggle London too. Nobody stares at me. It’s nice. But it’s also a little strange that no one knows about the war. It’s like it never happened for them. Do you get out into the wizarding world much anymore? What have you been doing with your time these days?

Auror training is hard, but I like it more than school in some ways. All the classes are practical and I can see the use of everything I’m doing. I never much enjoyed essays or theory lessons in school when I couldn’t see how they connected to my life. 

You asked about my childhood before Hogwarts. I was brought up by my Aunt and Uncle; they didn’t like magic - or me - very much. It’s not something I talk about that often. 

 More importantly though, you did say something about the dragon. And then Ron and I got blamed for making it up in order to try and get you into trouble. McGonagal took so many points off Gryffindor that no one would talk to us for weeks. (Snape would never have taken points off of Slytherin like that.)

I hope you like this parchment. I bought it specially today in Diagon Alley just for you. 

Harry 

P. S. Sometimes I think about all the things that could have gone so much worse during the War too. And all the things that could have gone better. I meant what I said at your trial though. I think you wouldn’t make the same choices today. And I think you deserve a chance to prove that. I know Dumbledore thought so too. 

P. P. S. I liked your story about the muggle cars. For future reference there is a special liquid inside them called petrol that makes them work. I don’t really know how either. I do know they have to add more regularly or the car stops working. My Uncle used to complain a lot about how expensive it was. 

***

Harry,

The Hat nearly put you into Slytherin?! That would doubtless have been a disaster. Though you are certainly cunning enough. I never worked out how you were cheating at potions in sixth year. I’m curious though. If you didn’t grow up knowing much about our world, what made you ask not to be sorted into Slytherin?

I know what you mean. The muggle world feels very refreshing but there is so much they don’t know about that I never fully feel a part of it. Of course, these days I don’t feel that I really belong in our world either. But maybe that’s good and means our world is changing for the better.

What have I been doing with my time? Not as much as I would like to be honest. Shockingly, proudly espousing abhorrent views and having been associated with a fanatical cult of bigoted murderers does not improve one’s job prospects. You’ll probably laugh but I actually thought about becoming a Healer. I passed all the required N.E.W.T.s last year but of course who in their right mind would ever hire me? 

You’ll definitely laugh at this but I’ve opened up a specialty repair shop for complex magical artifacts. Even in Knockturn alley there are people who don’t want to be seen talking with a (former) Death Eater so I take commissions by owl and floo call about half the time. The work itself is surprisingly interesting. (I was actually quite good at Charms in school. I probably would have gotten an O on my Charms O.W.L. if you hadn’t sabotaged it.) Do you like Auror training?

Of course Snape would never have taken points off Slytherin if he could help it. That’s why he was clearly the superior Head of House. I read the interview you gave about his role in the war. I suppose his dislike of you was just an act then, to throw us all off? I should have known. No one could know you and dislike you that much. And there I was thinking he actually favored me. 

As for the dragon, I had to give some excuse for being out that late at night when I got caught by the scariest Professor in the school. And the truth was the first thing I thought of. However, I would like to remind you that Ron Weasley left a rather imprudently specific letter from his brother in a book I borrowed from him. That’s how I knew where to find you. And I never showed it to anyone. So really I think thanks are in order. 

Draco

P.S. Your aunt and uncle sound like they held the muggle equivalent of my own family’s attitudes. You deserved better.

P.P.S. Using thestrals sounds a lot more practical. 

[alexanderwales]

Save the Cat is a snappy read, and only 8 chapters, so I'm just doing a liveblog of them unless I get bored or distracted.

Chapter one is about the pitch, the logline, the title, what you put on a poster and how you sell it. It doesn't necessarily come first, but I get the sense that for Snyder this would be his preferred way of doing it. (A logline is just the one-sentence "what is it about" that you use to sell people on the idea.)

Snyder says that writing loglines is awful, soul-crushing work, and I agree there. I'm awful at it. But Snyder also says that if you don't have a good logline, maybe there's something wrong with your movie, and that I don't agree with.

I think there's a fairly wide set of stories that have good, snappy, easy loglines, and are also good stories. But I think there are other stories that are good stories and don't have a great way to pitch them. The lack of a good pitch can exist for a lot of reasons, and sometimes it's just that it's more complex than can be summed up in a single sentence, or even a handful of sentences. I think in practice writers will often dumb down the story for the logline, lying about what's contained within, just to make sure that it will sell, that people will want to know what's inside.

One of the other main points of the chapter is that a good logline has irony to it, a twist inherent in the title, some kind of thematic tension, and I disagree with that too, maybe not from the standpoint of selling a script, but from the standpoint of storytelling.

Why does everything have to have an irony to it? Why does everything have to have a twist? Why can't we have stories that are just well-told explorations of conflict and character? It's like at some point people decided that they only wanted Distinct Pieces of Media, so if you wanted to tell a story that's been told before, something with its own unique texture, you're just shit out of luck.

I find this all the more irritating because often the twist/irony/idea/pitch is good, and then the execution is shit, and then people don't want that idea again. It's not like you can say "like that thing that flopped, but good".

Blake Snyder is trying to tell good stories, but he's also trying to sell stories, and this is a good thing for authors to know how to do. I accept this. I just don't like it.

So as a writing exercise, here are some loglines for things I've written, without the amount of care and polish and revision that a good logline needs:

Worth the Candle - A teenaged dungeonmaster gets thrust into the worlds he's created, where his recently deceased friend is a historical figure. (This is bad, not short and snappy enough.)

This Used to be About Dungeons - Five young adults team up to delve dungeons and bake pies. (I don't know man, I said I was bad at this.)

Thresholder - A man travels through portals to different worlds and genres, gathering powers and skills as he fights other people just like him.

Shadows of the Limelight - In a world where fame gives you power, a fanboy saves the life of the world's greatest hero in full view of the public.

The Dark Wizard of Donkerk - An orphan raised by two dark wizards adventures north with a wayward princess.

Millennial Scarlet - A gig-economy demon hunter grapples with the death of his mother and the plans she set up before she passed.

Alright, I found that less soul-sucking than usual, but I don't think that these are the oiled, muscular, perfectly toned and smiling loglines that are necessary to sell, just to be clear. The marketing unit of written fiction is not really the logline, though that helps, it's the blurb, and I am equally awful at writing those. I just don't agree with Blake Snyder that a blurb or logline coming poorly is a sign that you don't know the story.

[its-no-biggie]

thinking about joongdok in the early chapters......

rereading the orv novel and seeing things from yjhs perspective is so. augh. the first time you read it its soooo easy to trust kdjs perspective when he reads yjhs mind. his skill even tells him! "your understanding of this character is very high" surely hes interpreting him correctly :) then you read it again and realize how much kdj is filling in the gaps...... he expects yjh to be more callous, more jaded, more hardened than he actually is. hes been through 1863 regressions with yjh but this yjh is still only on the 3rd. and of course kdj learns this lesson himself much later on, but hes been misinterpreting yjh from the very beginning. hes just very good at justifying it.

this scene for example. (i am talking about the novel btw i just have. way more webtoon screenshots on hand. you understand.) kdj thinks it would be out of character for yjh to consider him an actual companion, so he rationalizes it. but once youre able to take yourself out of kdjs perspective, its really obvious by this point that yjh considers them companions??

he tested him with the sea monster (and waited by the river for 3 days for him to emerge, btw), and then again with the monsters in chungmuro. yes, he thinks about killing kdj quite a lot (out of caution) but its not like he ever follows through on it (something yjh from a later regression would be much less hesitant about). i havent gotten very far with my latest reread, but from memory - when hes paralyzed by poison he specifically asks for kdj. they fight side by side on several occasions, and specifically, kdj saves yjhs life multiple times. yjh criticizes him fairly often, but hes not needlessly cruel - just blunt. pointing out his flaws so he can work on them (and to keep him humble, lets be real). and of course, he desperately tries to save kdj when he gets blasted by 41!sys, and then flies into a mindless rage when kdj dies in his arms.

yeah, yjh isnt exactly upfront about his feelings, hes often off doing his own thing, and he gets PISSED when kdj manipulates him into doing his bidding (which happens fairly often in the early chapters) (he just wants you to communicate with him, damnit!) but like. its very very clear if you know where to look. and kdj DOESNT. but he thinks he does!!! augh i cant wait to get to the scene where they reintroduce themselves....... especially since its not like yjh knows kdj any better - he still thinks hes a prophet! there are so many levels of miscommunication going on here, but the important thing is. they care about each other. thats always what it comes down to, isnt it? they love each other. they want the best for each other. they would do anything to save each other. aughhhh orv.....

[magicalmutants]

Beating Hearts and Silent Oaths: The Story of a Princess, a Knight, and the Unbreakable Strings of Fate.

♕ Pairing: Knight!Suguru x Princess!Reader

♕ Warnings: f!Reader, royalty!au, no curses!au, no specific warnings in this chapter (check masterlist for general story warnings)

♕ A/N: Suguru 😩 anyway hopefully the next chapter will be out soon(ish)!

Chapter One

“Where are you off to, Goose?” Satoru quipped as he hopped down from the window ledge he had been standing on to intercept the two girls walking past him.

“Lessons, Toru. You should know as you are expected to attend them as well,” you huffed. “And I wish you would stop calling me that awful name. It is very undignified for a Princess,” you grumbled.

“Very undignified for a Princess,” the Prince mocked in a high pitched tone as he gave a sharp tug to a strand of your hair. “You go to all your lessons and look what it’s done to you! You’re hardly any fun anymore,” he pouts as you swat his hand away. “Don’t you agree, Lady Shoko?”

“I would thank your Highness to leave me out of such quarrels,” the second girl replied, amusedly.

“A worthy save, my Lady!” Laughed the Prince as he continued to taunt you.

“You jest, but you know I have no choice in the matter,” you frown as you take your friend by the arm and continued down the corridor towards the lesson.

“I’ve offended you, Little Goose! I apologize,” the Prince walks after you, even as you turn up your nose at him. “I have an idea!” He announces as he turns around in front of the two of you, stopping you once again.

“Satoru, we shall be late and get a scolding if you continue this nonsense,” you shared a look with Lady Shoko.

“Come now! At least hear your poor brother out,” Satoru pouted.

“Ugh, fine. You may speak,”

“How very generous of you,” came your brother’s sarcastic reply, “thank you, Your Royal High—“

“Satoru!”

“Alright! As I was saying,” a mischievous glint entered his eyes, “there is to be a dance in the city tonight, a celebration of the squires who get knighted or some such thing.” He waved his hand vaguely and turned to look at the two of you expectantly.

“How charming. Good for them. If that will be all?” You deadpanned.

“Oh come now, you know what it is that I am asking, Little Sister,” Satoru rolled his eyes. “Let us go! It’s sure be great fun!”

“Satoru! That is most improper!” You were shocked at the suggestion and quickly glanced around, hoping no one was able to hear this proposed conspiracy.

“Improper how?” Your brother exclaimed. “I shall be there, so it’s not as if you ladies will be unchaperoned. We shall dance and make merry, we can even go in disguise if you like!”

“You? Disguised?” You scoff in reply. “And pray tell, how will you manage that? Last I checked the capital is in the heart of the kingdom, not the north.” You raised an eyebrow.

He hesitated for a second, thinking. “I shall wear a farming hat! It will cover my hair and it’ll be fairly dark anyway, so no one will see my eyes, really! I’ve done it before and no one noticed a thing! Besides, it’s hardly important as I am only a Prince of the Blood. You are important and you and Lady Shoko shall blend right in with a proper disguise!”

“How often do you sneak out?” You questioned, incredulously.

He shrugged, “doesn’t matter. The point is are you coming or not?”

What say you, Lady Shoko? How do you feel about this ridiculous proposition?” You turn to your friend, who has been quietly watching the proceedings with some interest.

“Perhaps we may discuss this on the way to our lesson and return with an answer for the Prince this afternoon? If it pleases your Royal Highness,” said the Lady, nonchalantly.

“It does,” you concede. “Until later, Brother,” you push past him before waiting for a reply.

As you turn the corner, Shoko grabs your arm, stopping you in your tracks yet again.

“Oh do let’s go!” She pleads, using your given name, dropping the formality propriety demanded from the pair of you around others.

“Shoko! What if we are found out?” You ask, aghast that she’s fallen victim to your half brother’s schemes and continue walking.

“Then let us be! What shall we be punished for? Celebrating with the subjects of your kingdom? Do they expect you to hide away in your castle, even while your mother, the Queen, visits schools and orphanages filled to the brim with the the poor?” She sounds impassioned. “And besides, you heard the Prince! We can go in disguise! Oh come on,” she begs, using your name again, “please? I know how much you love country dances, and they’ll be sure to reel! We never get to reel at court — it’s only stiff, boxy dances.” Shoko laments.

“I don’t know…” you hesitate, unsure.

“Please?” You two pause outside the room your governess is waiting in. “We are ten and eight, no longer little girls! They can hardly send us to bed without supper,” she rolls her eyes. “Surely we can survive one little celebration?” She pleads.

“Oh, all right,” you give in. The thought of country dances and the ability to forget about being the Crown Princess for a night seemed too sweet an opportunity to miss.

Shoko cheers and gives you hug as the two of you enter the room to a terrible scolding about how noble ladies must never be late.

Later that evening, your lady’s maid tightens the laces on your corset, before sliding a simple, cotton slip over your undergarments — a far cry from the usual silk. “I’m not too sure about this idea, m’lady,” she remarks nervously.

“Oh nonsense! We shall be back before we are missed,” you wonder if the pounding of your heart is giving away your feigned nonchalance.

“Only, suppose you’re recognized?” She continues as she helped you into the petticoat to be worn under the underdress.

“That is hardly a worry in this excellent disguise. Well done finding it, by the way,”

Your maid mumbles her thanks, not wanting to argue with the woman who keeps her employed, and ties up the cording down the front of the outer dress’ bust.

You examined the finished product in your mirror. The outer layer of the dress was a simple yet sturdy, dark blue fabric that sat atop a white underdress with medium sized bell sleeves. The outer dress was secured to the underdress using leather cording in the front bustier, as well as two thin straps that went over your shoulders. Your hair was down, with a simple ribbon tied in it, the same color as your dress. You wore black, worn leather boots with a small heel and only a simple chain with a dainty golden star around your neck.

“It was jolly good of you to find me this ensemble on such short notice!” You grin as you give a little spin. “I can hardly recognize myself. Although it is a bit… busty,” you frown at the low cut of the dress and your exposed cleavage from the laced up bustier.

“My apologies, m’lady, but it is the fashion.” The maid bowed.

“Nonsense, it is lovely! And so many fewer layers to work with as well, I shall dance to my heart’s delight,” you smile, contentedly.

After glancing yourself over one last time, you leave your room and sneak to the servants’ entrance, where Shoko and Satoru are waiting for you. “Light above! You look like a tavern wench,” Satoru snickered.

“And you look ridiculous,” you fire back. He was wearing a simple brown tunic with a simple leather belt looped around his waist and black trousers that were tucked neatly into a pair of worn leather boots, as well as a wide brimmed, straw hat. “You look like an idiot with that big hat on at this time of the evening.”

“Well I think we all look splendid, now let us make haste, lest we miss all the fun!” Shoko rolled her eyes before dragging you through the entrance and down the stairs. Shoko’s dress was very similar to your own, except hers had a pine green over dress that complimented her chestnut brown hair rather nicely. She had a little pink flower pinned in her hair, which was loose around her shoulders, and a simple pink ribbon trimming the bottom of her skirt. Her shoes were almost identical to yours, but hers were brown rather than black.

You managed to sneak out of the palace gates with no trouble and followed the sounds of music and laughter towards the city center. There were lanterns lining the streets as you walked with your companions under a warm glow, anticipation and excitement building in your stomach.

When you finally arrived, Satoru took your hand and led you and Shoko through the throng of people towards the center of the square. Once the crowd thinned a little, you looked around and took in the celebration. There were red banners with the Royal crest hung between the two story buildings and wooden tables and benches were lined at the left and right edges of the square, heavy with tankards of ale and food. Directly in front of you, at the northern edge of the square, was a stage on which a band of four musicians were playing a fiddle, a lyre, a flute and a small drum as people danced in front of them.

The air was filled with the sounds of music and laughter as people celebrated.

“They are about to start a reel!” Shoko grabbed your arm, “let us join!” She dragged you to where two lines were forming and stood beside you as the dance started.

You couldn’t help but grin as you bowed to your partner before beginning to twirl and step as you and Shoko had practiced so often in your room. You laughed as you danced for song after song, until at last your throat felt parched and your head felt dizzy from how your partners had been spinning you. You bowed to your partner before turning to Shoko and motioning towards one of the tables. She took your hand, and together you make your way towards the refreshments.

“I haven’t seen you so giddy since the first time we snuck into the wine cellar,” she remarks with a smile.

“Don’t tell Satoru, but I’m terribly happy he asked us to come to this,” you laugh, still breathless from the dancing.

“Where is the Prince, anyway?” asks Shoko as the two of you sat down on one of the benches with drinks in hand.

“Probably off flirting with some unlucky, wretched girl,” you shrug as you take a drink. You scan the crowd for your brother, but are distracted by a commotion moving towards you.

You hear the sounds of shouts as people scramble to move out of the way of something. You and Shoko jump up from your seats, alarmed. You hear the telltale sound of swords being drawn from their sheaths.

“Fight!” Comes a shout from the middle of the commotion as people race to move away from the sharp blades. And then suddenly, everything happens all at once.

The crowd presses back towards you and Shoko, trapping you between bodies and the bench you had just been sitting on. Shoko calls your name as she gets swept up by the crowd to your left. “Shoko!” You call as you desperately try to reach for her hand.

As you’re distracted doing this, suddenly the crowd opens up directly in front of you and you turn just in time to see a swordsman swing for his opponent, miss, and come stumbling and waving his sword right at you. Your eyes widen and you barely have time to close your them as the sword slashed in a wide arc directly at your head. You tense, waiting for impact, but it never comes. Instead, you hear the sharp screech of metal on metal, before hearing a dull thud. Opening your eyes, you see a man standing with bent knees in front of you, his back to you, flexing the sword in his right hand. You look past him and see your would be decapitator sprawled flat on the ground, looking with a dazed expression at his sword. He looked as if he were working out how it went from his hand to the floor a few feet away from him.

“Alright, break it up!” Came a gruff voice as three Royal Guards pushed their way into the circle and grabbed the two instigators of the fight and dragged them away. As the Guards left, the man in front of you straightened up and turned around to look at you. The moment you caught eyes, it felt as if the whole world reduced to just the two of you.

The first thing you noticed were his deep, onyx eyes. They looked concerned, the only betrayal of emotion on his otherwise passive face. He had a finely chiseled jaw and sharp cheekbones. A few pieces of black hair framed his face, the rest was pulled back and tied with a short cord, showing off the small, silver earrings that looped through his earlobes. He was tall and seemed muscular, with broad shoulders. He wore a black, full sleeved shirt with a navy blue velvet sleeveless tunic over it. The royal crest decorated the tunic and your mind vaguely registered that he was a knight. He had returned the sword back into the sheath that was hanging on the leather belt that’s wrapped around his lithe waist. To say he was beautiful would be a disservice. He looked dangerously handsome. As if looking at him for too long might kill you. You would gladly go blind staring at the sun, for who else could then attest to its beauty?

“Miss? Miss? Are you well? Perhaps you should sit down,” you slowly realized he was speaking to you. Suddenly you became aware of your surroundings, once again hearing the music and revelry around you as people returned to their celebration, the brief dramatic moment already forgotten.

“Hmm?” you widened your eyes and blinked rapidly a few times, “sorry! I’m terribly sorry, the shock has only just worn off. Were you saying something?” You blinked up at him.

“I asked if you were alright. Would you like to sit down?” His voice was smooth and soft. Like honey.

“Oh, erm— perhaps I should,” you say, looking back towards the bench to break eye contact and hide your flushed cheeks.

“Allow me,” he smiled at you as he took your shaking hand in one of his large ones and guided you to a seat.

“Thank you kindly,” you’re embarrassed of the heat you feel rushing to your cheeks at the contact with his warm hand, which only causes you to blush harder.

He fetches you a drink and watches with a neutral expression as you take a long draught. “I must thank you again for saving me, Sir, it was most noble of you,” you look up at him after a short silence.

“Is saving pretty maidens not the dream for all knights? Perhaps I should be thanking you,” the right side of his lip quirks upwards as his words take on a playful tone.

You are sure you must be beet red at this point, did he just call you pretty?

“Might this maiden be told the name of her savior?” You ask with a smile.

Before he can answer, you hear shouts of your name and look up as Shoko and Satoru push their way towards you. “Oh thank heavens you’re alright!” Shoko gasps as she runs over to give you a hug.

“Of course you would manage to find the only dangerous situation at a celebration,” Satoru rolled his blue eyes, which stood out painfully in the dark shadows cast by his hat, while he subtly checked you for injuries. “Are you unharmed?” He asked.

“I am,” you nod, “but I owe my gratitude to this good Knight for saving me,” you turn towards your savior who was looking back and forth between you and your companions with curiosity.

“I thank you for saving my sis— friend,” Satoru catches himself as he puts his hand out for the other man to shake, seizing him up.

“It was an honor, Mister…?” The knight trails off as he shakes your brother’s hand.

“Sandon!” Satoru say quickly. “Theon Sandon, at your service, good Sir.“

“Ah, Mr. Sandon!” Suguru nods as he shakes your brother’s hand. “I believe we became acquainted at the last Festival of Light? I am Suguru Geto, at your service,” the knight says.

“I say! So you are! How are you my good fellow?” Satoru claps the man on the back. “If I recall, you were the only one who managed to outdrink me! But perhaps such conversation is not suitable around ladies…” he trails off sheepishly.

He turns to you and Shoko, “May I present my friends, Miss Eloise and Miss Myria.”

Suguru nods politely at Shoko, who returns the gesture, before turning to you. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Myria,” he bows to you and lifts one of your hands to his pink lips and places a soft kiss to the back of it. Behind him you see Shoko and your brother exchange looks with their mouths agape at the interaction.

“Your H— Theon! Shall we go dance?” Shoko suddenly turns to your brother and grabs his arm.

“No, I think I’d much rather stay— Oi!” His protest is drowned out as he is forcefully yanked away into the crowd.

“Do you dance, Miss Myria?” Suguru asks you in that soft tone of his.

“As often as I can, I love dancing,” you confess. “And please, just call me Myria”

“Well then Myria, would you do me the honor of joining me for a dance?” He offers his hand with a smile.

“I’d be delighted,” you grin, as you take his hand.

Suguru leads you to where couples are dancing and you easily spot Shoko and Satoru. The brim of your brother’s hat keeps hitting people in the head and he keeps trying to spin the wrong way, so he and Shoko seem to be getting a wide berth from the other dancers.

“It’s not often we get northerners here,” Suguru nods towards your brother as you take your positions.

“How did you know he was from the north?” You sound slightly alarmed as you curtsy to him and start the dance. “Oh, but you are formerly acquainted— my apologies, I had forgotten,” you recover.

“His attempt to hide his hair is gallant, but his eyes do give him away,” Suguru laughs. “It is most mysterious how this strange northerner appears at every celebration, yet is nowhere to be found the next day— or any day, for that matter— until the next one,” he makes the statement casually, but there is an expectant look on his face. It is almost as if he’s teasing you.

“You know, then?” You ask carefully.

“Oh everyone knows. We let him have his fun, though. He thinks he blends in with his disguises and his stories. It does tickle the Prince to think he gets away with it, and no one is eager to spoil the illusion for him,” he glances over at your brother with a knowing smile.

“I told him he’d be spotted!” You groan, “you’re all such splendid actors, though” you join in with Suguru’s laughter.

“And what of you?” he asks as he spins you away from him.

“What of me?” You hope you kept the nerves out of your voice as you’re spun back into his arms.

“Where are you from, and how do you know the Prince? I’ve never seen you at one of these gatherings before,” he never breaks eye contact as he lift you into the air and places you back down. “He’s usually here with some footman or other, but I’ve not seen you or the other maiden before.”

“Maybe you weren’t looking hard enough,” you reply with a giggle as you attempt to think of another lie.

“Oh I highly doubt that,” he smirks, “I would remember seeing a face such as yours,”

“I work at the palace,” you reply, kicking yourself for being so miserable at flirting, “so I’m unable to go out much.”

“As a lady’s maid?” He questioned.

“How— how did you know?”

“You certainly sound like a lady, the way you speak,” he remarked, gazing at you as he spun you around. “It seemed only likely that you spend time around them, and clearly you and your friend seem to be familiar with the Prince.”

“How clever of you,” you smile up at him, as the dance concludes. “You have got me figured out completely!”

He looks at you with those dark eyes as you approach your friends. “Somehow, I very much doubt that.”

You rejoin your companions and the two men walk off to find you some drinks, Suguru nodding indulgently at some ridiculous story Satoru is telling of his “travels.” Once they’re out of earshot, Shoko turns to you with a cheeky grin.

“Oh, excellent catch, Myria,” Shoko gazes off after the two tall men as they disappear into the crowd.

“Oh, away with you!” you scoff, thankful that your cheeks are already warm from dancing.

“I do not jest! He’s beautiful. Far too beautiful for a commoner,” she muses.

“There’s something so pleasant about his mouth, when he speaks,” you join in, dreamily.

“And he’s so tall too! And so well built. And he’s a knight, so you know he knows a thing or two about the sword,” Shoko waggles her eyebrows at you.

“Vulgarity is never a substitute for wit, Shoko,” you chide as you bump her with your shoulder.

“Here we are!” Satoru announces from your right as the two men appear from the crowd, carrying two drinks each.

Suguru hands you one of the drinks and you thank him before taking a sip.

“So how long have you been a knight?” You ask him.

“I became a squire after my eighth winter, and I’ve been knighted for three years.” He replied as he took a drink.

“But that must make you at least twenty and eight!” You exclaim. “You certainly do not look it,” you say as your cheeks grow warm again.

“I am one and twenty,” he says with a smile. “I was knighted when I was ten and eight.”

“My brother is one and twenty,” you remark absently.

“You have a brother?” Suguru asks.

Your eyes widen, “er… yes I— that is to say he—“

“Why, but that must mean you are exceptionally gifted!” said Shoko loudly. “I do not remember the last time I heard of a squire being knighted so early!”

You shoot her a look of thanks as Suguru answers, “I am the youngest in my group, that much is true.”

“And so humble, too!” Shoko remarks with a grin and a look shot in your direction.

As Satoru joins the conversation and begins to steer it towards the joys of being a traveling merchant, you notice the crowd has thinned considerably and that there is a slight glint on the horizon.

“Goodness, it is almost sunup!” You say, shooting a look to Shoko and Satoru.

“Oh dear, we must get back to the palace and prepare for the ladies to awaken,” Shoko joins in.

“Then please, allow me to escort you home,” Suguru offers you his arm as you stand up.

“Oh yes, quite right. I too shall accompany you ladies to the palace. I am but a wanderer myself, so I shall continue on my journey after doing so,” Satoru announces proudly.

“How generous of you,” you say dryly, trying not to roll your eyes and cringe inwardly. You glance up at Suguru, who was already looking at you and the pair of you try to conceal your laughter.

You walk through the streets of the city and watch as candles begin to light up windows as the people begin to rise for the day. The sun rises steadily and you pass by a man who is diligently extinguishing the lanterns on the streets.

You breathe in the crisp morning air as you walk arm in arm with Suguru, stealing glances at him on occasion. He looks positively majestic in the radiant, pink sunlight of the dawn. When you finally reach the palace gates, Shoko says goodbye to Suguru and drags Satoru behind her through the gates to the palace, much to his chagrin, leaving you and Suguru alone outside.

“I had a lovely time,” you offer as you release his arm and turn to face him.

“As did I. Would it be terribly impertinent to say I hope I see you the next time the Prince wishes to sneak out?” He replied.

“Whether it is or isn’t, I’m very pleased to hear you say it, all the same,” you smile bashfully as you avert your gaze.

He bows to you as he kisses the back of your hand again, a piece of his hair tickling the side of your wrist.

“Goodbye, Sir Geto,” you breathe.

He smirks as he releases your hand. “Goodbye, Princess,” he shoots you a wink as he turns and begins down the road back into the city, leaving you staring after him, mouth agape and eyes wide, arm still held frozen in front of you, the feeling of his lips still warm on the back of your hand.

[flowering-darkness]

A few notes for my most recent selfship render, with the If You Are An Echo caption:

As mentioned on the post itself, this is of Aria and Clio, but not in the usual KHUX version of events. Instead it’s set in Origins, an RP campaign run by one of my friends in which I play the pair (plus some other characters!). Clio keeps fairly similar to her KHUX self in terms of backstory, but Aria’s situation is very different, which leads to a fun new dynamic. I’m really excited to get to develop our relationship further in this contest as we all play through more of the RP!

This is one of, if not the, first render(s) I’ve done where I’ve actually used a rule of thirds overlay to try and have good composition while in MMD. The vertical lines go through Aria and Clio, intersecting with the horizontal ones at about both of our chests; I would have aligned them with our heads, but pushing things up a bit helped get the long/drawn-out? perspective that I wanted (as did increasing the FOV value in MMD). I like to think it makes the background, where Aria is, feel more looming than the foreground, where Clio is.

The shadows cast over the background objects are in there by default, but the shadows cast by Aria and Clio are “custom-made by me”, in that the default ground shadows from MMD looked weird and transparent so I had to turn them off and then edit something in behind us after the fact. I think I did alright with them, though.

I actually also rendered (and even edited) alternate angles that better show our respective expressions, but the overall posing felt.. flat, especially in Aria’s case. Clio is better because she’s turning around, but then her expression was hard to get right in a way that reflected her thoughts properly while still feeling “selfship-fitting” (since- we aren’t actually together yet as of the current point in the RP, which is about where I’ve set the render even if this specific scene doesn’t explicitly happen in-story). I was trying to keep things readable and setting the right vibe from the long distance at which I’d set the camera, which I do think I achieved decently, but.. doing so made things a bit too stiff for front-angle closeups.

(The distance is also the reason why this render is such a high resolution, so that it’s still possible to see details on Clio and Aria. This turned out to be less than ideal because MMD would Not Be Happy with me trying to render the image files, to the point of often freezing completely. If nothing else it encouraged me to always save before trying to render something, but was still not helpful for the workflow.)

The song I used for the caption ‑ which is called If You Are An Echo ‑ fits for multiple reasons. One is that, as I mentioned on the post itself, its lyrics feel fitting for Clio’s current situation. She’s been encountering Aria in her dreams ever since coming across her in the waking world (in which she was clearly an antagonist), and she(?) seems to be showing a far different side while in Clio’s dreams, and Clio isn’t really sure what to make of it all or how much she should go along with her feelings. I think the lyrics and tone of the song reflect that quite nicely, as they’re indecisive but wanting to know more.

The sillier reason why this song fits as a caption is because it’s partially sung by SOLARIA, despite in fact being written to be one of ASTERIAN’s demo songs (since he duets with her in it later on). I see SOLARIA as one of my romantic F/Os as I have a selfship with her (using my self-insert who’s also an UTAUloid, Seralune), but I’ve also said in the past that my voice claim for Clio’s voice is “an English-accented SOLARIA with extra gender parameter” (so her voice is a bit deeper than default). So it’s always fun getting to imagine Clio fitting or singing songs that are sung or covered using SOLARIA, hehe~

..I wrote much more here than I was expecting to, and am now extremely exhausted, so will be going to bed now. However, I hope you enjoyed reading these notes if you so chose to! It’s always fun for me getting to talk about the things and details that go into the works I make for my selfships, whether it’s word choice in writing or pose decisions in renders. So, thank you for reading! ^-^

[setaflow]

Writer Interview:

Thank you for tagging me @wanderingaldecaldo ! :)

See Wash's responses here.

___________________________________________

When did you start writing?

I think I read and wrote my first "fanfic", if you could call it that, sometime back on the Warrior Cats forum in the late aughts, back when I was like 11 or 12-ish. Surprise surprise, I was a desperately lonely kid with not a lot of creative outlets in middle school, so online forums made up a chunk of my social life for a good three years, but they also probably unironically saved my life. Thank you Erin Hunter for your dumbass religious cat books.

I remember it really clearly too, oddly enough. It was like a Long Shadows rewrite for if Brambleclaw had been cornered in the fire by Ashfur instead of Squirrelflight (my WC homies know what I'm talking about). It was probably 100 words long and about as good as something written by an 11 year old with no writing experience can be in that time, but I think it maybe got one or two nice comments? Definitely didn't consider it a herald of things to come, but it was nice that a few people liked the concept.

My first time actually writing real-deal, honest-to-god, free range USDA grade organic fanfiction was in 2012-13 after the launch of Assassin's Creed III, my first and longest video game love. This was around the time when FF.net was on the downslide but still fairly popular, and a couple of my high school friends introduced me to the concept of fanfic hosting sites around that time with the idea that it'd be something I'd probably be into. After reading a bunch of work in the fandom I sat down in the spring and started penning my own stuff, and my writing just kinda took off from there.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I'm actually a huge horror nut. Stephan Graham Jones is a personal fav of mine and I have The Buffalo Hunter Hunter lined up for reading as soon as I'm done with my book club read this month. Themes-wise, while I don't really write about death, I love novels that explore death and the ripple effect it has on people in a public or personal community. I also really love coming of age novels.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Literally anyone who's ever spoken to me about my writing will know that I am doing everything I can to model my writing style after Fredrick Backman. I can actually demarcate a point in time, around 2017, where my writing quality took a huge jump before and after reading Beartown, which is part of the reason why I'm so insistent on recommending it to everyone I meet. Anyone who's read a Backman book and then reads a piece from my more recent work can instantly tell who I'm trying to model my stuff after. It's honestly kind of embarrassing.

Tom Robbins gets a shout-out, but mostly for humor and metaphors/imagery. There's a little of Oscar Wilde and Virginia Wolfe in there if you squint, but it's not hugely prevalent.

I don't often get comparisons, but I think once upon a time I ran a snippet of one of my fics through a style comparison simulator and it spat out Kenneth Grahame, who wrote The Wind in the Willows, so take with that what you will.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Either a couch full of dog hair, my desk when I'm bored at work, or my bed. Those are the places I'm usually able to get a modest amount of writing done, but honestly somedays my head is my best writing space for 5 months running 🫠

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Honestly, and this sounds so obvious but I swear-- reading a new book you like. NOT fanfiction; an actual published book. Go get a library card and just start checking shit out. The amount of times that I finished a really great book and then immediately spat out 2k words has been astronomical. It works your writer brain and helps you get new ideas. There are some days where I'll read 5 sentences in my book and get the itch to start writing immediately.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I enjoy writing in shades of gray. I'm very into exploring the concept of when revenge is mistaken as justice and what ripples through stories as a result of that-- it's a very Hamlet-esque topic I know but goddamn do I love inserting it into everything I write. Particularly when I write original characters, themes of loneliness, the perpetuation of violent cycles, and forgiveness of the self are also standouts.

Also, since I'm not a huge romance writer, literally every single one of my fics focuses on either families of choice/familial love, intense platonic love, or both. You WILL get found family and you WILL like it, goddamnit.

What is your reason for writing?

The poetic reason is "because I have to". The real reason is, back in 2013 every Connor Kenway-centered fanfic on ff.net featured a poorly written romance with a copy-and-paste colonial self-insert woman and after a while, I got fucking bored and wrote what I wanted to read. Literally that's all it took. Every other fic I've written after that has followed that impulse-- something that I wanted to see in the fandom and knowing there was a small chance anyone else was actually going to write it unless I buckled down and did it.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I'm going to be such a huge dick here and say that I don't really find any comments to be a huge motivator. Comments are very sweet and I cherish every single one of them no matter how detailed and/or personal, but it's the onus shouldn't be on the commenter to motivate the writer. My motivation to write is always there and very sweet and well thought-out comments do give it a boost, but I think a writer that uses comments as a large chunk of their motivation is making a huge mistake.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

As a funny little guy who occasionally writes something that makes them think "Hey, that was pretty profound" from time to time. When you kinda cultivate the online image of yourself as a shitposter who constantly makes jokes, I guess sometimes you want to be taken a little bit seriously from time to time.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I'm good on descriptions-- I try to use as many different sense descriptors as I can, and maybe it's a "throw shit at the wall to see what sticks" method, but I've really liked some of my descriptor paragraphs looking back on them.

I usually get some nods towards characterization and character writing. I try to plan out character arcs with the same tact and scrutiny as my story arcs.

I've got a decent-enough sense of humor where I feel I can add levity and make it come across as organic.

I suppose I'm never struggling for word count (both a blessing and a curse).

How do you feel about your own writing?

God, loaded question, that. Some days I really love my writing and other days I want to hurl my computer out a window. It comes and goes in waves-- right now I'm in a "eh, my stuff's not half bad" phase for all my CP2077 stuff, so hopefully we're on an upward trend.

My old stuff though, from 2016 and back? God, toss it into the fire. The only reason I haven't deleted them is because I hate deleting my work unless I REALLY fucking regret it.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

See above answers lol. My preferred topics of writing are not really destined for high hit count/reader count anyway, and I've accepted that, so if I didn't write solely for myself I'd probably have stopped a long time ago. Also, and I hate to be this person, but topics that are 'popular' in a fandom aren't always what's 'good' in a fandom. There are people who can do 'popular' with way more talent and zeal than I can, so I'm fine hanging with my own work and the like 5 people that really enjoy it lol.

___________________________________________

Not tagging anyone because I tagged for the 20 Questions tag yesterday, but maybe I'll change my mind in a week. if you want to give it a shot, do it for me and hit me up when you do!

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

I can't wait for the next part of the trio saving werewolf!reader it was so good!

Ask: I can't wait for the next part of the trio saving werewolf!reader it was so good! 

Ask: Hi! Just read part one of what is hopefully a mini-series of the trio x werewolf reader, and I can’t wait to see what happens next. If you like some suggestions on how to continue: maybe part two could be about the Reader learning how to be free, or perhaps the Trio helping reader recover enough to be able to shift back to being a human? Either way, can’t wait to see what else you have planned. Thank you so much!

[Combining the two asks here.]

A/N: My toxic trait? Answering asks for Part 2s of something I wrote over a year ago and then promptly abandoned lol. (To Read Part 1 to refresh your memory, like I had to do, click here [x].)

✥ ✥ ✥

“Do you think they’ll ever be able to turn back?” Sypha asked from where she stood, in one of the many rows of bookshelves lining the Belmont hold. 

Several levels below her, Trevor grunted as he hauled large pieces of shattered support beams to the base of the main staircase. “It’s impressive how sentient they are now, being a were-creature and all.” 

“Yes, but they don’t want to stay a creature for the rest of their lives.” 

“Well, life isn’t always fucking fair,” Trevor cursed, half-out of breath, as he began lugging the large beam up the stairs. 

“I’m fairly certain she knows that,” Alucard intervened, entering the main chamber, having just arrived fresh off the newly built lift he installed. “Speakers see far more suffering than most people, seeing as they believe it is their duty to help the less fortunate.” 

“How’s the lift?” Sypha asked, coming over to the railing. “Does it work? Were the calculations correct?” 

Alucard nodded. “I needed to modify a few measurements, considering the potential excess weight load-”

“We’re not that heavy,” Trevor interrupted. “Or do you plan to start bringing villagers in by the dozen and give tours?” 

Alucard narrowed his eyes at Trevor. “I was considering the repairs that need to be done for all the damage the night creatures inflicted. Unless of course, you’d prefer to drag that thing up yet another hundred feet.” 

Trevor huffed, refusing to show his fatigue. “What? This old thing?” He locked his knees to keep them from buckling. “Can barely feel it.” 

Sypha rolled her eyes. “Could the two of you stop competing for one second?! We’re supposed to be looking for ways to help our friend!” 

Admitting defeat, Trevor dropped the large piece of timber at the next landing. “Sypha, we’ve been at it for months. Every book says the same thing: only the shapeshifter can cause a shift at will. Outside of whoever cursed them with the affliction undoing it themselves. Or killing the shapeshifter and using death magic to alter their form post-mortem, there’s nothing any of us can do.” 

Accepting her friend had a point, Sypha took one of the adjoining bridges, healing toward Trevor as he stopped to catch his breath. 

“I could freeze that beam and toss it out you know,” she gestured to where Alucard currently stood. 

“The last time you did that, we ended up with a giant hole in the ground.” 

“That wasn’t me, that was the night creatures.” 

“But you did break the castle,” Alucard countered. “All of the gears were melted.”

“I did not! I do not break things. I am a Speaker, I fix things!” 

Alucard chuckled, sharing a knowing look with Trevor. For as knowledgeable as she was, she certainly had a hard time admitting when she was wrong. 

“In either case, it will take years to repair, even with my vampiric speed and strength. Dracula engineered those cogs and wheels over several centuries, often hiring the best blacksmiths around.” 

The trio boarded the lift together, Trevor having decided to leave the broken beam behind for another day. 

“They worked here? With him?” Sypha asked. 

“The castle’s forge is quite extensive. And no matter their level of skill, I doubt any local blacksmith’s forge would be large enough to mold such immense gears. They could only manage such creation within the walls of the castle.” 

Trevor scoffed. “Did they know who they were working for?” 

“I’m certain they had suspicions, but I doubt my Fath-, Dracula ever told them the truth.” 

“That’s-” Trevor started.

“Sad,” Sypha finished for him. “To be alone all that time. To not be able to tell anyone who you are.” 

The ingenious pulley system lift finally came to a stop as it became level with the forest ground outside the Belmont hold. 

“Is that why you wish to help them so badly?” Alucard asked, referring to their new werewolf companion. “You feel they’re lonely?” 

“Well they were lonely, back in that cage, in that life,” Sypha reminded her friends, as Alucard locked the lift in place.

“They seem better now,” Trevor remarked, being the first to disembark. “After all, you keep bugging them every day, they’re hardly lonely.” 

Sypha elbowed him, lovingly. “I do not bug them. They enjoy my company.” 

“You keep forgetting Speakers are used to traveling in large groups,” Alucard reminded Belmont, once again, as the trio made their way back toward the entrance of the castle. “It’s shocking how much you've forgotten, the two of you being companions and all.” 

“The three of us being companions,” Sypha placed a reassuring hand on Alucard’s shoulder. 

The dhampir gave a soft smile at the Speaker’s action before averting his eyes. Stepping out of her embrace, he started to ascend the many stone steps at the front of the castle. 

“It’s about time for dinner. Let me see what I can cook up.” 

✥

It had been a few months since the trio and their newfound companion arrived back home at Castlevania. Most of that time was spent with Sypha and Trevor bickering over how best to treat their new friend, while Alucard dedicated his time in between assessing the broken mechanisms of the castle to reading all of the tomes his father had collected on shapeshifting. Unfortunately, all roads pointed in the same direction: it was up to their friend to shift themselves back. 

At the present moment their werewolf friend, or Wynn, as they liked to be called, was resting in one of the many castle bedrooms. Their furry body was sprawled out over the entire length of the mattress, as they lazily tracked falling specks of dust around with their big puppy-dog eyes. 

Despite spending so much time resting, they felt exhausted this evening. It was as if the last few months of recovery meant nothing! 

‘I don’t know why I’m so tired,’ they thought, shifting to curl up in a tighter ball. 

Finally shutting their eyes, they made one final wish before drifting off to sleep, the same wish they had been making every night for god knows how long. 

‘Please let me be human when I wake up, please.’ 

✥

The sun had barely peaked over the horizon. Trevor and Alucard had woken up early to finally start clearing the major debris from the Belmont hold using the newly designed lift. So far Alucard had cleared twelve large beams while Trevor had managed to remove seven. Not that it was a competition or anything. It was at this point that Sypha had come to join them. 

“Well if it isn’t Sleeping Beauty, finally come to grace us humble footmen with her presence,” Trevor ribbed. 

“Nice pile,” Sypha gestured to Trevor’s lesser stack laid out next to Alucard’s. 

Trevor snorted. “Nice comeback.” 

Sypha crossed her arms. “I had a very long night last night. Which was entirely your fault by the way.” 

“My fault?” Trevor guffawed. “No no, I believe that last round was your fault.” 

Alucard, who had been watching amusedly from the sides, chose this moment to step in. “No, she’s right, I recall you were the one enticing us into that last round.” 

“Well, it’s not my fault if- hey,” Trevor suddenly straightened his back, and pointed to something in the distance. “Who’s that?” 

Both Alucard and Sypha turned around to see who Trevor was referring to. Almost immediately, Sypha clasped her hands together happily and began running over to meet this ‘stranger’. 

“Looks like Sypha wasn’t the last one to wake up,” Alucard nudged Trevor to come along. 

“No, but seriously, who the hell is that?” Trevor asked Alucard, keeping his wits about him. 

“You’re joking.” 

“I’ve never seen that person before in my life.” 

“That’s because you’ve never seen them before as a human.” 

Sypha, having finally reached Wynn where they stood, proudly and excitedly in their human form, pulled them in for a big hug. Clasping each other in a tight embrace, the two companion’s eyes began to water. 

“It’s so good to finally see you, my friend!” Sypha laughed, hugging Wynn closer. 

“It’s so good to be seen!” Wynn answered back, clearly overjoyed. 

After a good long moment, Sypha finally let go, turning around to face the boys. “Look who it is!” 

Wynn gave a polite wave, suddenly overcome by shyness under the focus of all three of their friends. “Um, hi? It’s nice to finally meet you.” 

Alucard stuck his hand out for a handshake, which Wynn eagerly accepted. “Likewise.” 

Sensing Trevor’s hesitation, Wynn outstretched their hand to Trevor. 

Shaking his head, Trevor grasped Wynn’s hand and pulled them in for a hug, nearly knocking them off their feet. 

Speechless and touched by Trevor’s gesture, Sypha shot a knowing look at Alucard. 

Despite being their gruff, sarcastic, and sometimes slower friend, Trevor really was like a teddy bear deep, deep underneath that jaded exterior. Sure, very few would ever come to know it unless they were close to him, but that made the trio’s relationship all the more special. And it was a very telling sign that Trevor was able to let his guard down for the sake of their new friend. 

It was as if at that very moment, the trio had become a quartet. And Wynn couldn’t be happier to finally be a part of it. 

[evidence-based-activism]

Hello! idk if you will respond to this since you said you wont answer any 'personal information' but perhaps you could since this wont give away too much? i was wondering how you are able to gather so much data from literally everywhere! you seem to also create your own stats if im remembering correctly? is this like your profession or just a hobby to answer feminist questions? how do even stay organized by responding to so many asks in such great length and detail, like do you just have books you remember to quote from or a google drive? honestly you just amaze me! I would genuinely like some tips on how to do what you do! Ik you answered a similar ask here: https://www.tumblr.com/evidence-based-activism/750825646530445312/how-do-you-accurately-research-and-study-sources?source=share but can you do a sort of breakdown on the way you answer your asks? regardless thank you so much for the work you do, i love reading the posts you make! (p.s sorry for bombarding you even more than you probably used to)

Some of this will be vague, but I hope it answers your questions! (And thank you!! This ask was very sweet!!)

I was exposed to some of the research process through my education/work, and self-taught many other portions.

This blog is a hobby! (It feels a bit strange to call it that, since it's not really for relaxation, but I guess it still technically fits the description.)

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "create your own stats", but I made some rough estimates for figures based on statistics I've gathered from other sources. (This was part of what I self-taught.) I rarely have access to the underlying data however, as much of it is considered confidential and under restricted access.

I have some saved sources, but they are all primarily about male violence statistics and the sex industry (which were the two main topics I was interested in when I started this blog).

---

Getting information about new topics/questions depends a lot of the specifics, but I have some themes.

First, I have some sources I've looked into and believe are generally reputable.

The CDC, FBI, and BJS all help with crime/victimization/legal statistics, and there's sometimes an equivalent government source for other countries. The CDC is also often a good starting point for women's health information. (We'll see if this remains true going forward!)

Pew Research Center has a lot of information on public opinion. They also sometimes write articles on other datasets, so they've introduced me to some other good data sources as well.

Depending on the topic, media sources can also be helpful. Every media source has bias and can be misleading on some topics, and that includes the "mediabiasfactcheck.com" website, but it's still usually a good starting point for evaluating unknown sources. (There's also a list of sources that are generally reputable such as The Economist, Reuters, Time Magazine, BBC, etc. Please note that I am not saying these are unbiased. They simply have a record of minimizing bias and reporting verifiably factual information.)

If I don't have a specific starting point in mind, I will go to “scholar.google.com," type in a related query (obviously depends on the question), and then select the "review articles" option. A lot of the time, any reviews/meta-analyses/books I find give me a good idea of where and how to look for further sources. Other times, I'll have to switch back to including all articles, usually when the research on the topic is fairly new.

If there's a lot of work, I'll also often restrict the time range, working backwards from the last year, to last five years, last ten, and so on. If I find an article that is particularly relevant, I'll then use the "cited by" and "related articles" options on Google Scholar, which will usually show me more related sources.

On occasion, usually when there is very limited research on the topic and/or I don't know the best keywords to use, I won't find any relevant information on Google Scholar. When that happens, I switch back to using Google to see if I can find anything with that method. Sometimes I'll immediately find research articles I missed on Google Scholar this way. (I think there's some sort of difference in their indexing system.) Other times, I'll find reputable articles or organizations devoted to the topic which either provide me with the sources I need as a starting point or give me a better idea of how to word my searches.

Of course, if I don't know the source/organization I will first try and establish its reputation (i.e., look for any evaluations, controversies, etc.), but unless they are reporting on their own data/research I am also able to verify any sources they provide. (The post you linked contains a lot of my information on verifying credibility!)

On very rare occasions, I can't find any sources specific to that topic. When that happens, I try to identify tangentially related topics and then repeat the process to find sources for them.

I hope this answers your question!!

[arcane-vagabond]

Okay, so I've gone back and forth on whether or not to post this, but here we are. Long post under the cut.

I realize that I tend to post updates fairly often. However, I am not a machine, and I do actually have a full time job. The only reason I've been able to update like I have is because we've been in the off season. Eventually, things are going to pick up quite a bit and more than likely, I won't have as much free time to post like I do now. With that being said, I will try to get updates to you guys as much as I can, BUT there seems to be an attitude going around (not just towards me, but towards many other authors on here) that we should be updating almost every day. This is not feasible. Do I love that you guys love my stories so much? Absolutely! And I love talking about them with y'all. However, this is a hobby first and foremost. I am not being paid to write these stories and everything that I do post, I post for free. So, it's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox asking when I'm updating again after it's only been a week. It's a little aggravating when I get asks in my inbox for requests with not even a please or thank you, just a demand for something.

Which brings me to the next point. I don't mind taking requests. In truth, I'm a little backlogged right now, so until I can catch up, specific requests are closed. I will still talk about the stories with you guys, but I wouldn't necessarily expect a drabble until I can catch up on some of the ones that have been sitting in my inbox for about two months now. Along this same line, I really don't appreciate people coming into my inbox and telling me that you like my writing and then turning around and insulting it. I also don't appreciate when people come into my inbox and ask me to write an entire AU with specific scenarios while also insulting the way I write my characters. I love hearing about the different AUs you guys wanna see me do, but when you are sending me paragraphs of specific things you want to see in the AU, then it's no longer just an idea. At that point, you should be considering writing it yourself because it's not my original story at that point.

To clarify, there's a big difference between "I think it would be really cool if you wrote a mob AU and the reader could be a waitress or work in a bookshop or something" and "You should write a mob AU where the reader is a waitress and gets caught in a shootout and this character saves her! But then it turns out the waitress is secretly working undercover to bring down the mob boss and there's a shootout where this thing happens and then the characters have this specific conversation and then..."

I'm not trying to be a bitch, I swear I'm not. But it's frustrating when I can tell some of you don't even read the actual stories before ragging on them and then submitting a request in the same breath. It's also getting a little frustrating when I have the tag list at the top of my posts (with the trigger warnings) and I'm still being asked to add people to the tag list. I try to be accomodating and understanding, guys, but things have been a little much recently, and I just felt like I needed to say something. I know I'm not the only author on here experiencing this sort of stuff, and I'm not going to sit here and say that I'm speaking for them, but please start reading the author notes and the trigger warnings and what the author has posted before the actual story. And please stop pestering the authors on here about when they're posting. I know some people post daily, hell, I used to be one of them back when I was unemployed. But we have lives outside of this website guys, and a lot of us have plans with the holidays upon us as well as mental health problems with the changing seasons.

Again, I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I think people tend to forget that there are actual people behind these accounts, and while we love interacting with and giving you guys content, sometimes we need a break too. I know I have other hobbies other than writing, and sometimes I just need to take a step back so I don't get burnt out and stop writing altogether. Just show a little compassion and courtesy, y'all, that's all I'm asking.

Happy Holidays, and I hope to have something out for y'all this week if not a couple things. I have the entire week after Christmas off, but I don't know how much I'll be able to write given I have to go get my car fixed now and I have plans with some friends.