#so I am deep in the tiktok drama

[beingdreeyore]

[hybridirl]

who first?

18+ only, please!

ellie x f!loser!reader x abby

a/n: sorry for the long wait! i was with my family the past week celebrating a holiday :)!! now i’m back and i’m gonna try and pump out a few. i am in fact working on the ellie x loser!reader pt2, so pls bear with me! i’m still thinking up ideas. this shit is harddd

brief summary: ellie and abby are the bestest of friends, and you’re… there. they kinda feel bad for you, so they bring home some of the “good shit” for a game. never have i ever? with shots. reversed. haven’t done it? drink!!!

tw / AU, *DUBCON* (reader is drunk (but so is ellie and abby)), strap-on, use of y/n, cunnilingus (r and e receiving), tit-slapping, porn no plot, rushed sex, threesome, reader gets referred to as “girl”

ᡣ𐭩

watching tiktoks for hours on end was never your proudest pastime, especially when your two roommates were constantly out partying. you, honestly, were a third wheel. well, to be fair, you came into this friendship way after these two had already been established as this inseparable duo. still, being a friend - even if it’s not as deep - doesn’t mean you should be excluded from their little activities.

so, this is how your night has gone so far: moping around, trying to bake some cookies you found on tiktok, and binging tiktok. you sat on the island of the kitchen, a frown plastered on your face as you munched on your fifth cookie.

you glanced at the clock: 11:35 PM. you knew exactly what this meant; one of them is slutting themselves out while the other waits to drive themselves home. god, how it aggravated you! - how easily they could get into someone’s pants by just looking at them while you had to ease your way into it. that slow, smooth talking you, except it rarely ever worked and you came off as a creep. the pickup lines from reddit don’t seem to work in reality, huh?

pulling yourself off the counter and shoving the last piece of cookie into your mouth, you wondered why you stayed up until they came back. maybe you were just a little afraid to go to sleep alone, maybe you were just simply lonely. you wanted them to come home, tell you about their day and get envious at their friendship that you weren’t in on and that you didn’t have. poor you. you were like a watchdog, always staying up and looking out until your ‘owners’ came along, praising you for your good work so you could get your little dopamine rush. you even whimpered, just a little, as you sat on the couch to watch some cheesy drama movie that you had zero interest in. about thirty minutes in, the door opens. you turn your head and watch your two acquaintances walk in, both holding a suspiciously shaped brown bag.

“hey,” you greet, “what’re those?” you pointed toward the bags in their hands.

“just stuff for you,” ellie chirped first, setting the bag on the coffee table.

“us, she means,” abby cut in, setting hers down. you watched as they revealed what was shielded from her viewing: two tall bottles of ‘devil’s spring vodka.’

you cocked your head to the side and spoke, “for us? what for?” they gave you a ‘what do you think?’ look before ellie headed off to get three shot glasses. she placed one in front of you, abby, and herself.

“so, y/n,” abby began, popping the top and pouring some into each glass. “we know you’re lonely and we thought we’d do something for you, huh? sound good?” you pursed your lips and nodded, completely weirded out by this interaction.

“we’re gonna play a game,” ellie said, circling her glass with her hands. “it’s like ‘never have i ever.’ ever played?” you nodded. “good. so, each time someone says something you haven’t done, you take a shot. got it?” you nod again. “a—lright, you guys ready?” abby smiles and raises her hand.

“i’ll go first,” she told, an obvious mischievous glint in her eye, “let’s start of tame. so, y/n, have you ever… kissed someone in public? i’m not talking a little peck, i’m talking seriously making out.” your face heated, and your jaw dropped just slightly. you thought about lying, of course, just to seem cool, but, you knew they’d know.

“i-i… no, i haven’t,” you muttered out, shakily reaching your hand toward your glass. you took a sip, wincing at the burn in your throat.

“c’mon, y/n, the whole thing,” ellie chuckled at your ministrations. you whimpered silently before your head tilted back, gulping the rest down.

“ugh,” you groaned as you set it down and watched as ellie pour more into your glass. you had a feeling this was going to be a long night.

“okay, my turn,” ellie giggled, looking at the two of you. “okay, y/n, have you ever… had someone motorboat you?” your brows furrowed immediately.

“m-motorboat? i, well, um… no.”

“drink up then, girl.” they watched as you took another brave shot, your face contorting into what looked like pain, and, to be fair, it was painful.

you were about to speak, for your turn, but abby interrupted quickly, barely even noticing your open mouth, “my turn, huh?” abby questioned. your jaw shut right back up, letting her take the lead. letting her do her thing. “so, y/n, ever, i don’t know, let’s get a little crazier with this one, yeah? ever been in a threesome?”

you stared at abby with wide eyes, why are they asking you this stuff? why only you?

“no…” you whispered, continuing your stare on her as you went to take yet another shot. you were already starting to feel a buzz, already starting to feel the heat in your tummy. with a slightly clouded head, you turned to ellie. she was smirking, her eyes knowing as her lips parted once more.

“how about you give it a go?” ellie asked you, and you felt some relief.

“h-have you guys ever, um… have you guys ever… had a threesome?” you asked in a low voice. you watched abby roll her eyes and go to grab her glass, as with ellie.

“o—kay, my turn,” ellie clasped her hands together, after setting her glass back down, “ever taken it up the ass, y/n?”

“why are you only asking me?” you gawked, reaching for your glass. you took the next shot, and felt a sudden need for more.

“because we already know what we’ve did,” abby replied, another shot of the vodka slithering down her throat. “mm, that’s some good shit. so, y/n, have you ever topped?” you sighed as you reached for the glass once more. “oh, so you’re a bottom? figures. i mean, look at you.” you looked up at her, slightly offended whilst your hands went to pour yourself another shot.

“have you guys ever, uh, had public… sex?” you found yourself boldly asking, obvious that this drink was getting to you. they both raised their glasses to their lips.

this went on and on, mostly them asking you, you sometimes asking them until you were all drunk out of your minds.

“y/n,” ellie finally groaned and she scooted closer to you. you hadn’t realized the proximity of them both, slowly decreasing as the night went on. you hummed a response, your eyes half closed and your face hot. “h’ve you ever, uh, fantasized? about us?” ellie asked, her bottom lip tucked between her teeth. your hand didn’t reach for the glass, rather you simply stared into those green eyes. “yeah? you have? why didn’t you tell us? we coulda’ made all of your dreams come true, sweetheart,” she whispered, her hand meeting your waist.

“i-i was n-nervous,” you whined, “didn’ wanna say anythin’…”

“y/n, baby,” abby purred into your ear, “you don’ gotta be nervous ‘round us.” your head throbbed as you bit your lip; their hands explored your body, slowly molding you into your arousal. you wondered if this was their plan all along as their fingers danced around your PJs, caressing your inner thighs…

“please,” you whispered and their eyes flickered toward you. “…t-touch me…” you sighed blissfully as ellie’s hand finally met with your pajama-clad vulva. abby’s head dipped into the crook of your neck; she kissed up your neck and throat, then tilted your head toward hers to kiss your lips. sloppily, her tongue slipped into your mouth, prodding and massaging your tongue. your own mingled with hers, dancing around each other’s. you barely noticed your bottoms being tugged down, only realizing once the chill of the air hit your heat.

“lemme taste ‘er first,” abby said quickly as she pulled away from your swollen lips.

“no,” ellie whined, tugging your body toward hers.

“it was my idea,” she growled in return, “now let me have her first.” ellie huffed, but let go. she took asylum in your breasts; lifting your shirt up, she immediately dove into your mounds. she licked up to your nipple, taking it between her lips. you let out a broken moan as she nibbled on your sensitive bud, her tongue swirling around your pebbling nipples.

abby slid your legs open with her hands, spreading your labia with her thumb.

“how long h’ve you been this wet, y/n?” an obvious rhetorical question. you were too occupied with ellie and the worship of your breasts.

“a’w-while,” you managed to croak, though. you heard her chuckle and felt your body being tugged toward her more. “mmf, abby, be gentle…” ellie watched as abby’s head dipped between your legs, then her eyes flickered to your face to watch it contort in pleasurable expressions. “abby… ngh…” your hand reached to tug at her blonde hair, earning a groan from her lips.

“i heard she’s a p-pro,” ellie whispered to you while she tugged off her bottoms. your eyes fluttered, staring dazed at the sight of her pussy.

“want,” you purred out. ellie only smirked at you, her hands moving in to shove you down onto the couch. her legs straddled your head and she lowered herself onto you without warning, virtually smothering you. “mmf!” your brows were furrowed, your nose smooshed against her wet cunt. she ground her hips into your face, covering it in her slick.

“c’mon, y/n, thought you wanted it.” your doe eyes kept gazing up at her and you began to do the best you could with her weight in your face, your tongue working hard against her swollen clit.

both of the feelings were intoxicating, abby at your pussy, you at ellie’s. your legs tightened around abby’s head as her fingers found your g-spot, thrusting her fingers in and out of you. you moan into ellie, slurping at the nectar leaking from her. you’re so intoxicated, you can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or this delicious feeling. your hands gripped ellie’s sides and you pulled her closer. you were whimpering, moaning, abby’s tongue wriggling into you, her fingernails digging into your plush thighs.

“mmm!” you cried, your eyes shutting as you felt a knot in your stomach begin to uncoil, your juices coating abby’s tongue and face.

“ahn, yeah,” abby groaned. “righ’ on my tongue, sweethear’.” your eyes were rolling, face scrunched in pleasure. it was a sure sight for ellie, drawing - no, forcing ellie’s own climax to follow suit. her arousal painted you, creaming on your face as she held your head close to her.

“oh, god, please please please — fuck!”

she ground against you, riding her orgasm out in your face. her clit bumped your nose, and your hands gripped her hips, slowly guiding her to a halt as she came down. as she got up from you, she took a moment to admire her work. your face looked so exhausted, wet with her, and needy for more.

“abby,” ellie said, “g-go get the…” she gestured into the direction of the bedrooms, then abby knew what she was talking about. she made her way into one the bedrooms, who knows which, and rummaged through. you watched the hallway curiously, ready for her arrival. you tried to sit up, but ellie only grabbed you, laying you down on her thighs. when abby came out, you were surprised to find her pant-less, and with a harness strapped to her person, not to mention a dildo hanging from it. she approached, slow and cautious steps. you couldn’t tell if she was trying to tease you or try to get you into the idea.

“you wan’ it?” she asked you, slowly crawling into the sofa, then nudging and prodding your wetness with the head.

“wan’ it.”

“alrigh’, sweet girl,” she breathed, easing the head into your slippery entrance. “good?” you nodded your head, egging her on silently.

“abby,” you moaned breathlessly. she shushed you, halting her movements so you could get used to her. she ran her rough hands down your sides, down, down, to your clit, gently rubbing it to make you feel some sort of goodness as she stood still. “move, please,” you whimpered.

“y/n, you should see ‘yer face right now,” ellie giggled, caressing the side of your head. “god, y’so pretty. fuck ‘er, abby, hurry. look at ‘er face.” abby rolled her eyes, not usually taking commands. she was going to anyway, but…

“oh!” you gasped from her sudden movements, a tight snap from her hips. “f-fuck!”

“mmm, ‘n moans so pretty,” ellie praised, “didn’ get to hear ‘ya so well when you were under me. gettin’ smothered by my pussy... mhm…” she caressed your face again, cupping your cheeks as abby began to pound you.

“abby!” you cried to her, eyes shut tight, hands flailing to find somewhere to rest. they found abby’s biceps, gripping them tightly as she slapped her hips against yours. “please, ngh!” you grit your teeth, jaw clenched while pleasure overtook you.

“eyes open,” abby growled, “‘n on me.” you had to fight yourself to open your eyes, but the sight in front of you was perfect. abby’s blonde hair sticking to her forehead, her braid dangling and swinging with each thrust, her slack jaw, fuck. “yeah, ‘atta girl.” she was thrusting just right, obviously so experienced. it was pleasing her, too, the strap hitting just right at her swollen clit.

how badly you wanted to touch her body, worship her like you did quietly with her eyes. she was like a greek god, muscular and sculpted so perfectly. especially now, sweat marbling her skin and her chiseled body over yours. you almost forgot ellie was there, being as (almost) quiet as she was. glancing up, you caught sight of her, her fingers buried into her cunt. the sight alone was enough to make you cum once more, but you couldn’t, not so early. you looked back up at the deity above you who was staring into your eyes.

“abby,” you groaned. you threw your head back, going dumb on her cock. “right there… f-please…” cross-eyed, you sobered up a little as you felt a harsh pain on your breasts. “oh!” you gasped, feeling her large hand slap your chest. “abby!”

“take my cock, girl,” abby panted, hands squeezing your breasts, using them as leverage as she continued her pounding.

“fu—ck,” ellie groaned to the sight of you and to the noise of her fingers in her cunt, squelching, obscene, and loud. “y’doing so good, y/n… yes… uhn!”

you ran your hand up abby’s biceps, wrapping your arms around her neck. this prompted her to lean in and kiss your lips, deep and hungry. your hand cupped her cheek, pulling her close while your lips collided. abby pulled away first to admire your body and you took this moment to lift your arms above your head, desperately trying to pull ellie closer by her legs. she scoot closer and you cocked your head to the side, immediately licking at her cunt.

“yeah,” abby moaned, feeling the beginnings of her orgasm. “lick ‘er fuckin’ pussy.” she gripped your waist, hurriedly thrusting into you, her clot bumping against the harness. “fuck, i’m cumming!” she moaned, collapsing onto you as she came. she kissed at your neck, bit at it, too, while she continued to thrust, needing you to cum, too. her fingers finding your clit, furiously rubbing it.

you couldn’t help it anymore; biting into ellie’s thigh, you came. squirted, actually. all over her cock, all over her abdomen. your body was convulsing, shaking and twitching for her. ellie followed in suit, your teeth pushing her over the edge as they sunk deeper into her. all three of you were moaning, crying, holding each other tight.

“fuck,” you were the first to say. abby slowly pulled out of you, panting deeply.

“you squirted,” abby chuckled with admiration. she squeezed your thighs and glanced up at ellie, “all good?” she asked. ellie nodded.

“yeah, just,” she sighed blissfully, “fuck. we should do this again.” you giggled and kissed ellie’s thigh.

“mhm,” you agreed.

maybe your (sex?) life has just changed for the better.

[melosliving]

kelvin harrison jr x actress!reader

we listen and we don’t judge …

The TikTok begins with Kelvin already recording, holding the phone way too close to his face. His mischievous grin is the first thing you see, and you can already tell he’s about to start some drama.

“Hey y’all, It’s your boy Kelvin, and we’re about to do the ‘We Listen and We Don’t Judge’ challenge. So, uh, we listen… and we don’t judge, right? Cool. Here’s mine : I might have tried on your wigs once or twice when you weren’t near.”

Your head whips around so fast you almost pull something. “Kelvin what the fuck” He bites his lip to keep from laughing, but his shoulders shake from trying to hold it in. “You said no judgment ! That’s the challenge!”

The camera now focusing on y’all’s feet, you snatch the phone out of his hand, scandalized. “First of all, this is not the challenge. Second, which wigs, Kelvin?!”

He raises his hands like he’s innocent. “Just the bob ones! I look good in a bob!”

You stare at him, speechless, while he’s cackling like he just won a prize. Finally, you roll your eyes and turn to the camera. “This man is deranged. I don’t even know why I agreed to this.”

Kelvin leans into the frame, still laughing. “We listen and we don’t judge, though!” You hold up a hand to stop him. “No, because you’re doing this all wrong. It’s supposed to be about quirky things you actually do, not whatever nonsense that just was.”

He smirks, leaning back into the couch. “I mean, technically, I do try on your wigs…”

“Kelvin, I’m serious,” you deadpan, narrowing your eyes at him. “Can you behave for one second?”

“Alright, alright,” he says, putting on an innocent face that you know is a complete lie. “Let’s do it your way.”

You sigh, refocusing the camera. “Okay, I’m starting this over because clearly, Kelvin can’t be trusted. Now, we’re doing the ‘We Listen and We Don’t Judge’ challenge, the correct way. Let’s go. Kelvin, start.”

Kelvin takes a deep breath, clearly trying to hide his smirk. “Alright. We listen, and we don’t judge… but the first time I saw you, I said ‘smash’ in my head.”

Your jaw drops as you stare at him in disbelief. “bro !” He throws his head back, laughing. “What? I’m just being honest! I mean, have you seen yourself?”

You try to hold back your laughter, shaking your head. “I can’t believe this man just said that on camera.”

“This is a safe space,” he replies, smirking. “No judgment, remember?”

“Fine,” you say, rolling your eyes but grinning. “We listen, and we don’t judge… but sometimes I purposely mess up my lines just so I can hear you repeat yours. Your accent is distracting.”

Kelvin stares at you, stunned, before breaking into a wide grin. “Wait—hold on. You’re telling me I’ve been messing up my takes because you can’t focus ? Are you not ashamed ?”

“I am really proud of myself when thinking about this,” you admit with a shrug. “It’s not my fault you sound good like that.”

Kelvin leans back, hand on his chest like you’ve wounded him. “You know what? I’m not even mad. That’s a compliment, low-key.”

“High-key,” you reply, smirking. Kelvin shakes his head, still smiling. “Alright, my turn. We listen, and we don’t judge… but I once told my mom you were my favorite co-star, and she called me out for blushing.”

Your eyes widen, and you laugh, covering your face. “Kelvin, stop! You’re lying”

“Im not, I’m just telling the truth,” he says, leaning closer to you. “Your turn.” You take a deep breath, pretending to think before confessing, “We listen, and we don’t judge… but sometimes I search myself on TikTok and click on edits of either myself or us because they’re so cute.”

Kelvin’s grin gets even wider. “You watch our edits?!”

“I do,” you admit, laughing. “Listen, they’re good! And honestly? The chemistry is undeniable.”

Kelvin smirks, clearly enjoying this. “See? Even the internet agrees we’re iconic.” The mood softens slightly as Kelvin says, “We listen, and we don’t judge… but sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough to show people how much I care about them. Especially you.”

You blink, surprised, before smiling warmly. “Look at him" you pout, your eyes glistening at him. "Kelvin, you’re one of the most thoughtful people I know.”

Kelvin looks at you, his grin softening into something genuine. “Alright, last one. We listen, and we don’t judge… but I think you’re one of my favorite people, and I don’t tell you that enough. Working with you on Mufasa was amazing, but getting to know you outside of all that? Even better.”

Your cheeks flush as you nudge him playfully. “Kelvin, you know what you’re doing. You’re never beating the allegations.”

“Let ‘em think what they want,” he says with a wink. The video ends with you both laughing as you lean into each other, the undeniable chemistry between you leaving the comment section in shambles.

#TikTok!Comments

@user 1 NOT HIM SAYING ‘SMASH’ I’M SCREAMING. 🫠

@user 2 The way they flirt so casually?? Get married already.

@user 3 Her admitting she searches their edits?? I’d do the same, sis.

@user 4 Kelvin really called her his favorite co-star, and I’m crying real tears.

@user 5 The chemistry is too real. aaron punching the air rn.

@user 6 They’re so natural with each other. This isn’t acting; this is love.

@The lion King Forget Mufasa. These two are the real stars.

@ melosliving 2025

[shayasay]

2024 tbhk x reader writers gang UP !!!! I'd like to request for Teru, Akane, and Lemon x reader who's very...open? Like they have a out of pocket humour, says the most inappropriate jokes in the wrong time (the sc president/teacher almost caught them 😔) and isn't afraid to be chaotic. Being with them somehow never becomes boring because theres always some shit going on (like almost falling off a building or getting involved with the cops) BOY are they special. Just Akane is fine if you dont feel like writing for 3 people but either way thank you v much🙏

(Extra scenes:

Akane: how to get red dye?

Reader: idk period blood

Akane: *jaw drops to the floor*

--------

Reader: *telling the wildest inappropriate gossip ever*

Teru who heard and is standing right behind them:

-------

Lemon and reader: *had a 1 hour deep talk with lemon sitting on a bench*

Reader, about to leave: oh and btw, that bench was newly painted *walks away*

HIII YES OF COURSEEEEE I HOPE THIS IS OKAY I really tried my best on it! And I wrote this at 2 am I hope this satisfies 😭🩷

————————————————————————

With a reader who makes out of pocket jokes

Featuring: Akane, Lemon and Teru!

Akane

- Blushes when you say something inappropriate towards him no questions asked

- This one time he was teaching how to make origami and you said something inappropriate

- He paused for a good minute and scared at you, gawking with wide eyes and blushing

- “Okay so you’re gonna wanna fold this part here” “Shit I wish I was that piece of paper so you could fold me” “…I’m sorry?”

- There be times where you would just ask him questions, questions such as for example what part of the day was his favourite

- “Akane question?” “Shoot” “what time of day is your favourite?” “night time!” “Great so me, you, tonight, in my bed.” “…”

- he blushed and tried to say something but literally failed, he stuttered so much he just honestly gave up.

- Like sometimes you whisper things in his ear n he’d just stare and gawk at you in disbelief

- You toyed with him once while he was speaking to Teru and he tried so hard to not blush or make it look like he was flustered

- News flash, he failed.

- Teru was laughing at his ass afterwards

- or times where you were whispering the most jaw dropping shit into his ear and Teru heard it all and saw he’s reaction as well

- Teru never let him live it DOWN

Teru

- Will stare at you in disbelief and will quite literally say “I beg your pardon?”

- He once was painting something for the school with a bucket of white paint and to make things worse it fell on him

- He called you and asked you for help

- and what did you say? “Teru is that cu-“ “Get out.” “WAIT IM SORRY”

- There’s been so many times where you whispered the most jaw dropping shit into his ear and his giving you the biggest “I’m sorry?” ass look

- You actually told him some good ass drama and he listened to the whole thing while even gawked here n there because of the OUTRAGEOUS things he’s been hearing

- He’s lowkey willing to give Akane his work load just to here the things you tell him

- “Psst… Teru.” “Hm?” “Are you a trampoline? Because I’d really like to bounce on you.”

- *Queue you sprinting out the room as he’s at his desk so lost at weither he should be shocked or appreciate what you said and take it like a compliment

- “I…. what?…” “Y/n-��� “…..”

- Akane having heard that just giving you and him the most judgemental look ever

Lemon

- You tell him the most jaw dropping drama n he handles it like nothing

- You jokes just make him pause for a good second and then resume back to what he was doing

- you once whispered into his ear “you tryna bounce that ass for me?”

- he just stopped scrolling on TikTok and did a slow turn to look at you with the most judgmental look

- “No… I’m not…”

- You two literally hear drama and gossip with each other and if you guys hear the drama together, you two are looking at each other n gawking bc what did I just hear?

- He’s on his phone a lot so when you say something out of pocket he just pauses what he was doing n stares at you for like a few seconds or a minute

- Sometimes he even says out of pocket things to you as well n sometimes you do blush, same with him

- you two literally gossip to each other the most craziest things ever

- if you try to embarrass him n whispering UNHINGED shit in his ear, he’ll do the same to you but worse

- I can confirm you one had a battle about it

- of course he won because the shit he says is way worse then the shit you say

- “Hey babe where did the red die go?” “Idk check your pad.”

- You were so dumbfounded that you paused n blinked at him

- “shit… he beat me too it”

———————————

- All n all awesome bfs 👍

DONT FORGET THE CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP TO 18+ NO WORRIES 🩷

[putellasawfc]

exposed !

jen beattie x arsenal!reader

( a/n: omgggg this has been in the works FOREVER, before jen announced leaving arsenal which i am still not over tbh. but it’s finally here! especially dedicated to @mccabeswife since she requested it ! i hope you enjoy ! )

-

another media day at the arsenal training grounds meant a lot of bored footballers sat around waiting for their turn in front of the camera, the current youtube video being filmed was for three pairs only, another one of those ‘guess what the person is saying whilst you wear sound cancelling headphones’ videos that people went crazy over. the lucky girls who had been paired together for said video had been chosen at random, and you had ended up with leah with frida, manu with katie and viv with lotte which meant the rest of you were trying to entertain yourselves elsewhere.

which wasn’t really an issue when you were all shoved into a recreational room with an assortment of snacks, gossip and phones in hand. beth, the self proclaimed quidnunc of the group had been sat in between you and alessia for the last ten minutes, and had yet to stop telling you about the ongoing drama in the west ham team that she had found out about at an event over the weekend. you paid attention for as long as you could, sharing looks with alessia as you both struggled to keep up with the fast paced ramblings coming from the yorkshire woman but beth was none the wiser.

you felt a dip in the sofa to the left of you, the last bit of space being occupied by someone who threw an arm around your shoulder and when you got a whiff of the familiar perfume she sprayed on every morning, you knew exactly who it was.

you turned your head and smiled at the culprit, jen sat sporting her usual messy bun on top of her head and cheeky smile on her face. she pulled you further into her side and gently squeezed your upper arm, “she still talking your ear off?”

you huffed a laugh at that, looking to see if beth had heard but she was still too busy ranting and raving, now focusing her attention on alessia since you were now occupied elsewhere, poor girl.

“something like that.” you hummed, snuggling up to your taller girlfriend who was happy to let you lean on her. “you finished your influencer activities?” you teased, referring to the number of tiktok’s she had forced some of the girls to take part in since they all arrived.

“aye, i get a lot of love and appreciation from the fans for providing them with five star, behind the scenes content i’ll have you know.” she told you, “but yeah. letting steph take over for now, think she’s really getting into those football murder mystery filters.”

you glanced over to where she nodded towards, indeed seeing steph with her phone in her hand obviously recording herself, with kyra and vic sat either side of her laughing at the story that was unfolding on the filter.

“what happens when she steals your tiktok crown?” you asked with a sly smirk, knowing the older woman would have a meltdown if steph’s content starting getting more love than hers.

“don’t jinx it.” she shoved you lightly, “i’d have to post something outrageous to get me my title back. know i have some mugshots of you deep in my camera roll, i’m sure they’d come in handy.”

“you wouldn’t!” you gasped, sitting up slightly in your seat and the scottish woman laughed at your reaction.

you knew she had accumulated a hefty amount of embarrassing pictures of you over the year that you’d been together, ranging from you asleep with your mouth open to you pulling the ugliest faces whilst you awaited the impact of the ball to hit you during games.

“then you better hope steph gets bored quickly.” she shrugged.

you playfully rolled your eyes at that, finally relaxing back down beside her, grabbing ahold of her hand that was hanging over your shoulder, interlocking your fingers as you did.

“you’re so mean to me, sometimes i don’t know why i agreed to be your girlfriend.” you shook your head as if you were disappointed with yourself, trying your best to hold back the smile that was itching to come out.

that didn’t last long though, as only a moment later the defender jumped up from her spot on the sofa and leaned most of her body weight on you, her hands flew to grab either side of your face so she could get a good view of it as she began to lather every inch of your skin in kisses, her lips not leaving one patch of your face untouched. your squealed and thrashed wildly beneath her, your shoulder knocking into beth’s who finally halted in her gossiping at the interruption.

she kept going, stopping for a second to grin at your flushed state. “you fancied me too much to say no to being my girlfriend you goon.” and with that she continued her loving attack on you.

you wriggled around, laughing as you fought for breath and attempted to push her from you but she wasn’t budging.

“jen! stop, i can’t breathe.” you shrieked between giggles, hands gripping at her red jumper, “you’re right! you’re right, please let me go!”

finally deciding you’d had enough, jen let go of you and you caught your breath as you sagged against beth with a hand on your chest. “you could’ve killed me then, i hope you know.”

“so dramatic you are.” she tutted, pulling gently on your arm so that you were sat upright once again. “now gimme a proper one.”

you grinned, and gladly leaned in towards your girlfriend, giving her exactly what she wanted as your lips met halfway and you sunk into the display of affection almost immediately, your lips moving together in unison before you felt a harsh nudge in your side.

you yelped and pulled back, glaring at beth who only looked proud of what she’d done.

“not in front of the children please.”

-

the next day you arrived back at the training grounds, this time with a full day of practice ahead of you rather than a day in front of the cameras which you were very much looking forward to. media day was always fun, especially when you were partnered up with the right person and yesterday you were lucky enough to have gotten cloe as your pal for the day, so you had no complaints.

but you were excited to get back to doing what you loved, especially with an important match ahead of you. you wanted to get your head in the game and make sure you were one hundred percent ready to face the opposing team on sunday.

everything was normal for all of five minutes, you walked in and greeted some of the staff lingering near the entrance before you headed off to the changing rooms so you could change into your training kit, but before you even had chance to push the door open, a body came barrelling into yours, making you stumble on your feet and your arm fly out to steady yourself against the wall.

you looked to the person with furrowed brows, your jaw dropped in shock at the scare you’d just gotten. “christ steph, what’s up with you?”

she looked worried, as her hands gripped onto both of your arms and the aussie looked behind her where leah and lia were approaching, with much calmer demeanours. “i have to tell you something before you find out from someone else, but you have to promise you won’t be mad at me.”

you eyed her warily, your head cocking to the side before you looked over to the two other girls with narrowed eyes. “what is it?”

“no! you have to promise first.”

you rolled your eyes at that, beginning to panic a little as your mind ran wild with possibilities of what information steph could be withholding from you.

“fine, i promise. now tell me.” you told her, not really meaning it, you just needed her to spill the beans before you tired yourself out from overthinking.

“i kind of, may have, accidentally posted a tiktok that had you and jen kissing in the background of it.” she winced, waiting a beat to carry on. “but i promise it was a genuine mistake! if i had known it was in there i would’ve never, ever posted it i know you guys didn’t want your relationship to be public yet, and i am so sorry please don’t be mad at me.”

“what?”

a stupid question, most definitely but it was the only thing that you could manage to say at this moment in time. you didn’t know how to feel or what to say as you processed the information just given to you by steph who was still watching you carefully, as if she was awaiting some kind of wild outburst.

an array of different emotions passed through you simultaneously, you were annoyed at steph for outing your relationship on a platform that spread content like wildfire. no doubt screenshots and recordings of the tiktok had already been shared to the likes of twitter and instagram, posts made that couldn’t be taken back now. how could steph have let that happen? why did she not spot it before she pressed post?

you were also panicking. did jen know? would she be annoyed? would this change things between you? you’d both agreed when you first began dating, after months of mutual pining, that when you got together you would keep your relationship as private as you could, for as long as you could.

something that was unfortunately common amongst women’s football, was how invasive some fans could be in the players lives. you had seen how they could overstep boundaries and pry too deep into stuff they didn’t need to know about many times, which would then jump to them spreading their opinions without a care about who was on the other side of their sometimes vicious comments. you’d been witness to it ruining some of your friends relationships, and you didn’t want that to happen to you and jen. jen who you loved, who loved you back, jen who you could see yourself marrying one day in the future. so you had come to the smart, unanimous decision to keep it hush for as long as you could. but now, it was out there.

“does jen know?” you asked next, deciding that was the priority for you right now.

steph shook her head, “no. i was gonna tell her but she’s been talking to jonas since she got in.”

jen had set off an hour prior to you, with fans sometimes lingering outside the training grounds in hopes of getting a photo with some of you before you came in, you didn’t want to risk them seeing you and jen showing up together a few times too many and start to put two and two together, so more often than not you took separate cars and showed up at different times.

you nodded at that, and took in a deep breathe as you tried to think of what to do next. seeing as it was already out, there was no way you’d be able to backtrack or deny that you were in a relationship with jen, so the only real option you had left was to come clean to the fans about it all. you just weren’t sure how to.

“are you still my friend?” you were brought back into the present by steph’s quiet voice, her eyes were still scanning you warily and you probably would’ve laughed at how silly she sounded if you weren’t the person on the other end.

“course i’m still your mate steph.” you told her, and the blonde visibly deflated in front of you. “just wish you had the common sense to check what’s going on in your tiktok’s before you posted them.”

you were half joking, half serious. but when steph tutted and shoved you playfully, you didn’t have the heart to be upset with her anymore. it’s not as if she had posted it on purpose, and with how she reacted when she approached you, you were sure she’d been beating herself up over it since she’d realised what she’d done.

“see! told you she wouldn’t be mad, got yourself all worked up over nothing.” leah spoke up, and then you remembered her and lia were still lingering in the back.

“yeah well, i wouldn’t have blamed her if she was.” steph said, and you pulled the aussie in for a side hug.

“it’s okay steph, just gotta find jen now and spill the beans.”

-

it was only twenty minutes later when jen joined you all in the changing rooms, already clad in her arsenal training kit and with her water bottle in hand, she spotted you almost instantly and her face brightened when she realised you had arrived whilst she’d been busy.

“when did you get here?” she asked, pulling you into a hug which you gladly reciprocated.

“not too long ago.” you told her, rubbing your hands up and down her back. “got something i need to tell you though.”

she pulled back a little at that, looking down at you with a raised brow. “should i be worried?”

you shrugged, “i mean, it’s not anything to panic about but … i don’t know if you’re going to like it.”

you nodded your head towards the door, gesturing to the empty hallway on the other side where you could both have the conversation privately with nobody there to eavesdrop. jen nodded in agreement, retracting from your embrace and pulling on your hand to tug you in the direction you had just motioned towards.

now standing in the vacant corridor, you leaned your back against the grey wall and watched jen as she stood in front of you with her hands on her hips as she waited for you to speak, which you did after a sigh.

“steph practically ambushed me this morning, she um, did something stupid.” you began, scratching your head as you thought about how to put what happened into words. “you know all those tiktoks she was messing around with yesterday?”

you waited for jen to nod, which she did a second later so then you continued. “well she posted some of them and in one of them, it has you and i kissing in it, in the background. and it’s definitely too late for us to do anything about it.”

you stood with baited breath, similar to how steph had been when she was breaking the news to you, all of a sudden wishing you had the power to read minds as jen’s poker face came out in full force, the brunette not hinting to how she was feeling at all. at least she wasn’t tugging at her loose strands of hair, or biting at her nails, two big tell tale signs that she was stressing which you’d picked up over the months you’d spent together, which was a small win you were willing to take.

“well i guess the secrets out then.” jen shrugged, her hands remaining on her hips as you looked at her slightly puzzled.

“you’re not bothered?” you asked, half expecting a bigger reaction from the woman who was always so careful with how you interacted in public.

“i mean, it’s not great is it?” she asked, “but honestly, a part of me is kind of glad its out there now. i love our little bubble, not having to deal with people we don’t even know deciding whether we’re a good fit or not and all that stuff. but at least now, we don’t have to stress over the littlest things everytime we go out together.”

you listened to the points she made, nodding along with pursed lips in agreement with what she was saying. one of the most annoying things about have a relationship that wasn’t public, was having to be on guard everytime you both wanted to spend time with eachother out of the house, leading to the two of you just ending up having most of your date nights at home instead, not having the energy to make sure there were no prying eyes wherever you went.

“and we don’t have to watch what we post on social media. no more making sure our stories don’t give away that we’re at the same place, or triple checking that none of our stuff’s in the background.” she added on, and your lips quirked up in amusement at the amount of times you’d had to quickly delete a story or instagram post when you realised there was a beattie shirt in the background, or anything else that gave away who you were with.

“so this is kind of like a blessing in disguise?”

she grinned, “yeah something like that. but don’t tell steph i said anything, she’ll be gloating for weeks.”

you laughed at that, finally being able to relax properly for the first time since steph had practically jumped you whilst you were on your way to get changed. jen approached you, clearing the few steps that kept her away from you and pulling you into her warm embrace, pressing a kiss to your forehead as she did. “at least now we don’t have to do any big, relationship reveal post. you know how much i’ve been dreading that.”

you hummed, “think we should get steph to do a big post for us? i’m sure her drafts are stacked with videos of us.”

“we can ask. but not yet, wanna pretend i’m really mad at her for a bit so i can bribe her into pampering me for a bit.”

you scoffed at that, giving the scottish woman a faux disgusted look. “you’re evil beattie.”

“you love me.”

[meazalykov]

eyes on the right

lynn wilms x reader series

last chapter - next chapter

chapter three

being back in your home country feels like a deep breath after a long stretch of holding it in. 

there’s something comforting about seeing familiar faces, hearing familiar voices, and knowing that, for a few days, you can just be yourself without any pressure.

no wolfsburg, no past club drama with arsenal, no jonas. 

just you and your national teammates.  

training had been good today…light drills, laughs with the girls, and anticipation for the upcoming friendlies against south korea and china. it felt refreshing to be part of a team where the chemistry clicked so naturally. 

no one was trying to prove themselves too hard since they’re already here. the olympics ended already. everyone just wanted to play.  

after training, you find a quiet spot on the grass, letting the sun soak into your skin as it edges toward golden hour. you sit with your knees up, teeth gently nibbling on the plastic of your water bottle, scrolling through tiktok absentmindedly. 

the warmth of the evening settles around you, soft and calming.  

“mind if i join?”  

you look up to see emily standing above you, her cheeks pink from exertion. you grin and pat the grass beside you. 

“of course not.”  

emily plops down with a groan, stretching her legs out in front of her. 

“how was training?”  

you lock your phone and place it on the grass beside you. 

“it was fine, i believe. you?”  

she leans her head on your shoulder with a dramatic sigh. 

“i’m tired, honestly.”  

you chuckle, leaning your head lightly against hers. 

“same.”  

the moment is quiet and peaceful, the kind of moment you don’t realize you need until you’re in it. then, your phone buzzes on the grass, the screen lighting up with an incoming call. 

the name makes your stomach flutter.  

“vivianne?” emily asks, glancing at your phone.  

you nod, quickly swiping to answer. 

when the call connects, it’s not vivianne’s face filling the screen. 

it’s lynn.  

“hi!” you blurt out, a little too enthusiastically. the blush that creeps up your cheeks is instant, and you hope the phone’s camera isn’t clear enough to catch it.  

lynn grins at you, leaning slightly into the frame. 

“viv’s here too, don’t worry,” she says, and sure enough, vivianne’s face appears next to hers, her expression amused.  

“i told her to call you,” vivianne says, smirking. 

“she couldn’t wait to talk to you, though.”  

lynn playfully nudges vivianne. 

“don’t listen to her. she’s making things up.”  

you laugh, the sound light and genuine. 

“so why do you have her phone? why am i talking to you, lynn?”  

“because i’m better company,” lynn teases, her grin widening.  

vivianne rolls her eyes. 

“don’t let her fool you. she’s been talking about you being at wolfsburg since we got here.”  

your face heats up again, and you try to play it cool. 

“well, i’m flattered,” you say, raising an eyebrow at lynn.  

“you should be,” lynn says with a wink, her voice dropping into a tone that makes your stomach do a little flip.  

the three of you chat for a few minutes, catching up on your respective breaks and any other life stuff. vivianne and lynn tease you about being so far away, and you tease them back about how much they seem to miss you.  

“i do miss you,” lynn says suddenly, her voice softer now. 

“can’t wait to have you back in wolfsburg.”  

“jeez, i’ve been gone for two days so far.. you are not in wolfsburg either.” you giggle. 

“yeah, but we are not on the same team right now.” 

“true, at least i’ll see you on the 27th!” you say. 

it's currently the 20th. 

the sincerity in her words catches you off guard, and for a moment, you forget how to respond. finally, you manage to say, 

“i can’t wait to be back either.”  

there’s a pause, and then lynn adds, “you better be ready to train hard. i’m not going easy on you when we are back.”  

you smirk, finding your confidence again. 

“oh, don’t worry. i’ll make sure you can keep up with me.”  

vivianne groans dramatically in the background. 

“oh, great. now you’re both insufferable.”  

you all laugh, and eventually, the call comes to an end. as you hang up, your cheeks still feel warm, and you realize you’ve been smiling the whole time.  

“well, that was cute,” emily says, breaking the silence.  

you blink, looking over at her. 

“what?”  

“you and lynn,” she says, smirking. 

“it’s nice to see you’ve finally gotten over your crush on viv.”  

you frown, though your stomach twists with nerves. 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about.”  

emily raises an eyebrow. 

“oh, come on. it was so obvious back at arsenal. you couldn’t even look at vivianne without turning red.”  

“i—” you start to protest, but she cuts you off.  

“and now? your eyes were glued to lynn. like, completely on the right side of the screen the whole time.”  

you bite your lip, trying to push away the fluttering feeling in your chest. 

“i was not—”  

“you so were,” emily interrupts, grinning. 

“and honestly? i think it’s a good thing. at least you actually have a chance with lynn.”  

you scoff, shaking your head. 

“she’s not interested in me like that.”  

emily tilts her head. 

“really? because it seemed pretty clear she was flirting with you.”  

“she was not,” you insist, though your voice lacks conviction.  

emily gives you a pointed look. 

“oh, yes she was. and you were flirting back.”  

you let out a laugh, trying to brush it off. 

“you’re ridiculous.”  

“no, i’m right,” she says firmly. 

“and i think you should stop overthinking it and let yourself like her.”  

next part here

[shiftingconfessions]

I will be pulling a wild one here

I am shifter before shiftok and shifting tumbler and so on, I was part of the firsts shifting plataforms to ever exist, the work of my friends and colleagues are diluted and changed in many methods the community still using today, or use and not yet know about it.

Shiftok is a lie. It is straight up a lie, more than half of accounts in there are lying, take the big 10 accounts all around the globe and you will see how deeply unsettling and ego blinded these ppl are.

I will share a lil secret to shifting on tumbler, most influencers KNOW that they are talking shit nowadays. The so proclaimed creators of shittok vanglorizes themselves for creating it, but deep down one was a absolute baby shifter and the other one knew her stuff but was caught in drama.

They both are part of the first shifting community ever, started on 2017, they were warned to use their voice to spread information but they decided to blind themselves and continue their fights and dramas.

Besides that, the modern Mainstream Shiftok is around money. TikTok monetizes creators and for these creators to have a base, they need people to watch their videos

Information is freedom, and there is no way to get the proper amount of needed information on shiftok, it is a short video app, we are discussing a experimental practice on reality switching.

Besides that, people now want to make you pay for shifting info, or manifestions courses, and so on

Let me tell a thing that sadly will make sense in the future: Shifting is free, shifting has always been free and those people do not have authority on the matter to even teach it

While the community has been improving, there is a lack on the shifter vanguard, on ACTUAL new stuff and an actual understanding behind shifting. Some people shift by oversimplifying things, others by hard looking into why's and hows, both are valid but they need to correspond to each other. If a community is too complex shifting becomes too hard, if a community is too simple shifting becomes a myth.

That is the state of the community, anyones out there who wants to understand why's and how's can't even find good bases since everything is gatekept and even the so called shifters from shiftok can't even understand it or desire to share it.

Therefore creating a community that is constantly a lie, people tell experiences that don't match when being re-telled and either make sense, many have been spotted doing so. Shifting changes someone, it is a trace marked on their minds forever, to fully shift is to be forever changed. Most people are either LDs or having false awakenings and calling it a day.

Besides all that people are fighting for stupid ideas. Being taboo, race changing was never a topic in our community before it began on shiftok. You know why? Because everyone knew that infinity selfs does not mean that you are equally in all realities, we all playing roles, if I am certain race in my Dr that is not the one I am in this reality, then I won't act like I am part of the minority in this reality.

As for the hypocrisies of these people, most accounts that moved this debate was being xenophobic on Portuguese and Spanish communities.

As an extra information, If you know Sunni Method, you should know that sunni was one of the first shifters (on our understanding of DR, WR and scripting) that created and sourced so many different shifting practices and helped the first gen of the community to understand the practice. She did not only proved shifting to the subliminal communities as well define a work that would be still being used today, the Sunni method is the basic for every method. And she is afro American, and for today terms, she would be changing her race depending on the reality.

For the people that keep making futile problematization on this topic, it shows that you never fully understood shifting and created fake scenarios on your mind to source a point that was never a actual point. Minorities need support on day to day life, not whatever people are believing on determined practice.

tw: mention on self harm

As for respawning, anti-respawing are a bunch of ungrateful. Respawning made the very much bases of modern shifting. And for the respawners that belief that it should end on self harm, you do not understand how respawning work and how delicate are the structured you about to mess. If you are suffering from any mental difficulties, search professional help and not spiritual help that often leads to bad escapism.

Going back

The individual journey of someone starts on the seed planted by the community they find shifting, the hard truth is that shifting isn't only a personal experience but a collective one. In another words the community state you get, is the seed of your journey. Before 2018 people had a hard time shifting because they could not understand what it was, a few years later the community achieved a gold state with sharing knowledge and methods (which the English community would constantly gatekeek to their siblings communities btw) and after the mainstreaming on TikTok shifting went down to a stone age.

People are debating either if they can or cannot do things. In shifting. The. Belief. Of. Infinity.

I can understand why baby shifters do these questions, but I see people on this community since 2020 and the ones from 2019 who end up on the wasteland of other social platforms, asking questions that are so OBVIOUS

You don't need to know everything, but for star sakes you NEED to understand the basics of the thing you are doing, what a script is and how to write one, a few methods and your own cosmological view settled down.

Shifting allows you to mix and match beliefs like a Lego set, do it for your personal journeys using what other have found in the past.

While people are degrating the community and locking good stuff a way, shifting gets every day harder and harder, becoming everytime a godfied event and a hard and thought task that only a few can achieve, that is the mindset that is being grown on the community.

Why the hell the overall community nowadays have less and less actual experiences that the community a few years ago?

For the future, I am not sure but I bet on the end of the practice in a few years, when outsiders "grow out of it". Some will shift, others will just move on with their spiritual journey and so on, the community slowly fading.

I am not here to bring a salvation message, I am so tired, I have been making so much for the last 5 years, trying so hard to archive, share and teach people about shifting, in a way that was forgotten and locked down.

I am permashifting soon, and I am posting what I know on the community where I learned shifting in my native language, this end up more in a vent and a warning to what is happening. Do not believe me if you do not want to.

As for the people that want to understand more, I really recommend for you to dig in the past, a hint is that shifting started on amino. ik it is a bad app but sometimes gems appears. Shifting predecessors (quantum immortality and dimensional jumping) are available on Reddit to be studied (see the archives version of D.J) but they don't fully translate to shifting. (do not use the reality shifting subreddit)

And leave the damned app that is TikTok, you may be laughing for 3 seconds with some random girl talking about draco, but would be way better to be in your dr. why would you let your mind rot?

Shifting is a spiritual practice sourced on scientific facts and theories, both may be fighting a lot but a thing that they have in common is digging stuff, dig and search like never before, the community and it's beliefs are open on the internet, sometimes all you need is to answer a few questions and you will be able to find a good plataform

Your journey will be good no matter what.

Happy shifting.

.

[just-antithings]

So I saw this tiktok the other day, the algorhithm took me here accidentally I believe:

https://imgur.com/sacHJb3

Image description: person is dancing happily behind a wall of text that reads "how it feels to only watch movies and shows with happy endings, no incest, no glorified SA, no brutalization of women and minorities, and the animals live - instead of "good" movies that just make me feel shitty and uncommon"

The automated "search" option underneath is just "the boys show" and the majority of the comments on this video are about "this is why I don't watch The Boys uwu I hate The Boys and GoT too" each with a sense of better than thou high horse.

Now... I understand that The Boys or Game of Thrones is not for everyone, but we live in a time where there is actually an unprecedented amount of ~soft core media focused on, discussing, and representing women and minorities (and animals lol?), + sexuality and relationships in a positive light. The Boys and Game of Thrones are outliers in popularity because they famously break a LOT of taboos right off the bat, ( = meaning, they are a quick outlet to society's frustrations) and because of that they are too interesting not to get a hype train by journalists and critiquers and whatnot.

But the outrage is fake. The outrage is fake, you are arguing with a strawman. Nobody is forcing you to watch R rated stuff and nobody is saying only R rated stuff is "good". R-rated action/drama shows and movies have never ever been liked by everyone. Not in the 80s, not in the 90s, not during the Hays code, not after it, not now. Nobody is saying those are the only "good" movies (as implied by the phrasing of this person), and nobody ever has. Growing up, in our household, the TV was always on. And guess what, even our little family of 5 have always argued about whether to change the channel to an action movie with Stallone, a scifi/fantasy, a period drama, or a sports anime... good times.

All that to say, I guess this might just be a little whimsical post about how you prefer to watch 'happy' stuff, but it comes across as if the majority of media out there has incest and SA in it now, and ?? it doesn't. It just doesn't. I DO have to go back to the 80's in my 2000+ media archive (spanning the last 60 years in audiovisual entertainment) to find stuff with glorified SA. But, today? How do you guys keep finding that content? Is it that you are misunderstanding glorification? Or is it that you are digging that deep and traumatizing yourselves on purpose all the time? Sheesh.

Posts like this come across as virtue signaling and kind of like being a pick-me-girl in the sense that "I'm happy and carefree because I only watch pure stuff uwu so you better follow my example or you will be miserable and condemnable". "stop watching stuff that makes ME uncomfortable because that fact in itself just makes it bad in all contexts imaginable!"

In 2011, the "coOoOol" people said they do not and will not ever watch Game of Thrones, and now the song is the same with The Boys, except now it's sprinkled with this 'anti' flavor. I guess the "nah I just don't want to watch that much sex and blood" was also a factor back with GoT, but I never felt that it reached these heights in morality panic.

Am I conflating this? Or do you also feel this tinge of anti attitude in there?

[separatist-apologist]

what are your thoughts on this booktok drama https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/1i1i05p/your_thoughts_on_kallmekris_booktok_drama/ a lot of people were offended by the video (it was removed from this person's youtube channel, but internet is forever and someone uploaded the 37min video on tiktok). i get why people were upset, especially since this creator used clips of people without asking for permission and i think the OG title was T'hese Viral TikTok Smut Books Are Really Gross' which pissed off a lot of people. i just don't know if people are being overly sensitive or not to the content of the video.

yeah she makes fun of some of these popular booktok books, but people do that all the time. trash gets published so much in the guise of spicy romances so i'm not quite sure if people are conflating this creator talking shit about the books with her talking shit about them or maybe i missed something and she actually did talk shit about them. i know you have hatersbookclub (which i love, i find your commentary super funny) so i was wondering if you had a take on this drama since it's been blowing up all over tiktok and now reddit.

Okay I'm gonna be real and upfront- I'm not gonna watch the video because I don't want to be pushed anymore booktok content. However I do have general thoughts about the culture, which I am, once again, putting under the cut. blah blah blah read at your own discretion

Obligatory not all of booktok.

Without watching the video (so I lack context), one of the things I find wildly frustrating about booktok is the performative outrage. The CONSTANT performative outrage about EVERYTHING. Maybe the video was offensive but I'm betting it was a mild, but mostly fair, criticism of the culture over there and they are allergic to any nuance, and take even constructive criticism as a personal attack.

The anti-intellectualism floating around the space is deeply frustrating. "I just read for the vibes" "its a brain off read for me" "its not that deep" "let people like things" "no one ever says men are consuming too much porn" ""good" is subjective" alongside the weaponization of like, feminism and other progressive language to silence ANY critique is exhausting.

No one is saying you shouldn't be allowed to brain off read 700 books written in an hour that aren't edited and actively uphold the very patriarchal, white supremacist culture you swear you want to dismantle (only when it's time to cancel someone, though, and never when its time to do the uncomfortable internal work that forces you to ask why you only consume books in which women are referred to as "females" and are subservient to men in overtly domineering roles, though).

What people are often saying is that its frustrating the way these POORLY written (not subjective- thats an objective, measurable standard), copy cat books are peddled and often shielded from criticism under the guise of "feminism means you can never criticize anything women enjoy ever" or how if you're offering up book recs, a deluge of "Is there spice" floods the comments. Books are being marketed on fanfiction tropes rather than a PLOT, of which there very often is very little to none of.

I've seen people GENTLY try and discuss, like, the lack of media literacy and booktok is always there arguing why any reading is good reading, wholly ignoring that, often by their own admission, they ARENT reading (brain off reading means....what? You didn't absorb any of it? I don't even know what that means and I honestly don't want to), or that its good for your brain to actually pay attention to what you're reading and then THINK about it. Even your dark romance trash is saying SOMETHING.

Booktok is addicted to their own victimization.

[fdelopera]

Exposing an Antisemitic Conspiracy Theory from TikTok

If I see one more Jew-hating idiot with TikTok brainrot saying shit like, "the Palestinians are descended from the ancient Philistines from the Bible lolol"...

You Jew-haters are exhaustingly stupid. And in this post, I'm going to show you why.

As I said in my post yesterday, there are some really bad actors (both in the conspiracy sense, and in the literal "drama" sense) on TikTok who are trying to erase Jewish history by spreading conspiracy theories that somehow Philistines and Palestinians are "the same".

These idiots are doing this so they can claim that "Jesus was a Palestinian/Philistine."

It gives me a headache even to write something as stupid as that.

No, ya dumb-dumbs. Jesus was not a Philistine. Jesus was a Judaean Jew. He was from Bethlehem. In Judaea.

You know, Judaea. The place where the Jews are from.

It is actually really offensive to a lot of Christians to claim that "Jesus was a Philistine" like this. If you've never read the Bible (and I'm guessing none of these TikTokers have), calling someone a "Philistine" is an insult. In common use, it means an uncultured or crass person.

In Hebrew, the word for Philistine is "Peleshet (Plishtim, plural)". It is related to the Hebrew word, "Polesh". Polesh in Hebrew means "invader".

So by calling Jesus a Philistine, you're calling him an uncultured invader.

And I am here, as a Jew, telling you to stop insulting Jesus like this!

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Now, saying "Jesus was the same as modern day Palestinians" is also unhistorical.

The region was called Judaea when Jesus was alive. So he was a Judaean Jew.

It would be just as unhistorical to say, "Jesus was a modern-day Israeli".

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So, why are antisemites spouting this bullshit?

Unfortunately, these Jew-haters think they're "protecting" the Arab Palestinians by spreading conspiracy theories and lies about Jewish history.

They think they're making a "case" for Arab Palestinian indigeneity in Judea by telling these lies.

Because Arabs aren't indigenous to Judea.

And let me tell you, Tumblrinies who went to the Tumblr school of world history are even trying to rewrite Arab history! Some of them have even tried to tell me, "but Canaanites were Arabs lolol!"

Do you want me to show you a map?? No, dumb-dumbs. Canaanites were NOT Arabs. Canaanites are the ancestors of the Jewish People. Not the ancestors of Arabs.

Arabs come from the Arabian Peninsula.

OMG do you guys not even study geography anymore??

These Jew-hating idiots are literally willing to try to rewrite the history of the Arabian Peninsula just so they can fuck with Jewish people. You antisemites are absolutely unhinged!!

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Okay, deep breath.

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Here's the other thing. Our educational system is broken. And people don't study history (clearly).

Because if they did study history, they would realize that attaching Jesus to the Philistines doesn't confer ANY indigeneity to the Palestinian people.

(G-d, you conspiracy theory idiots are so dumb!!)

Because, you see, the Philistines were GREEK!!

They weren't indigenous to the Levant AT ALL!!

So in claiming that the Palestinians are the "same as" the Philistines, you have actually WEAKENED the case for Palestinian indigeneity!

And none of this matters!

YES, the Jewish people ARE indigenous to Judea.

And NO the Palestinian Arabs are NOT.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER.

IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT ARABS ARE NOT INDIGENOUS TO JUDEA.

BECAUSE THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE DESERVE HUMAN RIGHTS AND SELF-DETERMINATION NO MATTER WHAT!!!

Do you see what spreading conspiracy theories and lies about Jewish history does? All it does is make you look like FOOLS, and it HURTS the Palestinian people!!!

And YES, these conspiracy theories mainly hurt Jews. But I know y'all don't give a single SHIT about Jews. You've proven to us just how antisemitic you are.

So PLEASE for the LOVE OF G-D, STOP spreading these fucking LIES, BECAUSE THEY HURT PALESTINIANS TOO!!

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Okay. Deep breath. Some history.

The Philistines were ancient Bronze Age Mycenaeans, aka they were Greeks. The Torah is consistent with this. It records them as being from Crete, which during the Late Bronze Age was under Mycenaean control. They also had some genetic admixture from Southern Italy. We know this both from DNA evidence from their skeletons, and also from their pottery, which looks similar to Mycenaean Bronze Age pottery.

And regardless, Israel and Jerusalem are both in the archeological record, and in Egyptian records, LONG BEFORE the Greek Philistine people appeared in Egyptian records. The ancestors of the Jewish people were there long before the Philistines arrived.

And you would know all this if you STUDY JEWISH HISTORY! Here's my Jewish history masterpost. I recommend that everyone read it.

The Philistines were invaders in Canaan, and they clashed often with the native Canaanites, which are the people that Jewish people are descended from. Jews ARE Canaanites. Read my post here on Jewish origins.

The cultural memory of these clashes is recorded in the story of David and Goliath in the Bible. The Israelite David felled the much larger Philistine Goliath with a slingshot, and then chopped off Goliath's head with his own iron sword.

The Greek Philistines were a small people group living in Judea. The last of the Philistines in Judea were slaughtered in 604 BCE by the army of Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar II when he besieged Jerusalem. This is the same siege that resulted in the Babylonian Exile of the Jewish people. Nebuchadnezzar dragged many of the Judeans (the Jewish population) as captives to Babylon (modern day Iraq). Then in 586 BCE, Nebuchadnezzar destroyed the First Jewish Temple and dragged many more of the Jews into captivity in Babylon.

In 539 BCE, the Persian King Cyrus the Great defeated the Babylonians in battle, and in 538 BCE, the Persians allowed the Jews to return to Judea. The Jews came back to Jerusalem to build the Second Temple on the site where the First Temple had stood, which they completed in 515 BCE. But when the Jews returned, they found that the Greek Philistine community had been decimated by the Babylonians.

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So, where did the Philistines come from?

As I stated above, the name "Philistine" is a Greek version of the Hebrew word Peleshet, and the Peleshet were likely the same as the Mycenaean Greek Peleset tribe known to Egypt. The Greek Peleset tribe were part of a people group that are today called the "Sea Peoples."

At the end of the Bronze Age (aka the Late Bronze Age Collapse), the known world was going through a period of terrible drought, famine, and earthquakes. Various people groups from areas that are now part of Italy and Greece, including the Greek Peleset tribe, formed a rough confederation and went around to various cities, sacking and plundering the cities for resources. In 1175 BCE, the Sea Peoples invaded Egypt, and King Ramesses III defeated them in battle. He commemorated their defeat on a wall of his mortuary temple at Medinet Habu.

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So why is Palestine called Palestine, a name that does derive from the name Philistine?

To find out, you have to fast forward from around 604 BCE (when the Babylonians wiped out the last of the Greek Philistine people) to around 135 CE to get to the next time that the name of the "Philistines" becomes important.

That's a span of around 740 YEARS!

At that point, the Second Temple in Jerusalem had already been destroyed by the Romans in 70 CE. The Romans were doing ethnic cleansing on the Jews in Judaea, after the Jews tried to get Jerusalem back from Roman control in the Bar Kochba revolt (132 - 135 CE).

After the Roman Empire defeated the Jews in Judaea and squashed the Bar Kochba Revolt in 135 CE, the Romans RENAMED the region Syria-Palaestina. It was a vain attempt to remove the Jewish presence in the region. The Romans literally tried to wipe the Jews "off the map."

Guess what, motherfuckers! It didn't work. Jews came back to the region not long after.

The Romans named the region after the GREEK Peleshet/Philistines (who, again, by then were LONG GONE).

So the name "Syria-Palaestina" is basically the Romans trying to erase Jewish identity. Which again, DIDN'T WORK.

WE JEWS ARE STILL HERE.

So tl;dr "Palestine" is NOT the same as the Greek Philistines/Peleshet.

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The Romans just went through the Hebrew Bible and looked for a name they could call the region that would be painful to the Jewish people. So they named the region after one of the Jewish people's Biblical rivals.

Philistia was also a name that was in use in the Greek world because, again, the Philistines were ancient Greeks.

But there's no actual connection between the region called "Syria-Palaestina" and the Greek people group called the Philistines.

This is why (let's say it all together kids) you need to LEARN JEWISH HISTORY!

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And here's the worst part of this conspiracy theory.

Again, I know why Jew-haters tell this lie. And by now, so do you.

Jew-haters say this shit in a completely misguided attempt to "protect" the Palestinian people.

But, let's say it all together, the Palestinian people don't need to be backed by LIES in order to defend their human rights and their right to self-determination!

The Palestinian people DESERVE PROTECTION. THEY DESERVE TO HAVE FULL HUMAN RIGHTS.

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THIS IS NOT A ZERO-SUM GAME, with one "winner" and one "loser."

YOU DON'T NEED TO TELL LIES ABOUT JEWISH HISTORY TO DEFEND THE PALESTINIAN PEOPLE.

Jews and Palestinians are not "pawns" for you Jew-haters to use in your pretend game of war. You're acting like you're in some sort of video game fantasy.

JEWS AND PALESTINIANS ARE NOT YOUR PLAYTHINGS!

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If you tell lies about Jewish history in a stupid attempt to "defend" the Palestinian people, you're not helping them at all. You're just being an antisemitic bigot steeped in Jew-hatred.

And taken to its extreme, the real conclusion of your antisemitic LIE is actually a really weird, unhinged blasphemy against the Prophet Muhammad!!

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So if you ACTUALLY want to HELP the Palestinian people, and not just be a Jew-hating bigot, I would recommend that you put your money where your mouth is.

Stop telling easily disprovable LIES about Jewish history, and start donating to organizations and charities that are helping Palestinians. The organizations that I recommend are:

ANERA

Palestine Children's Relief Fund

Doctors Without Borders

Standing Together

[tea-and-secrets]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to confess this, but I really need to get this out of my chest. Feel free to make a post redirecting me to another confessions blog if you'd like, in the meantime I'll just spit out what I wanna say. This will also be a long post, please excuse my ramblings.

on May of this year, a movie from A24 came out called "I Saw The TV Glow", a horror/drama film based on transness created by a transfemme individual. I didn't hear about it when it came out, I haven't seen any trailers or anything, but as soon as it started airing on local theaters on the US, everyone was talking about it. My TikTok FYP kept showing me dozens of videos of trans people crying after they watched the movie, how it was a beautiful touching and anxiety fueled movie that resonated with so many people from the trans community.

I was interested and my expectations were high, I like horror movies and I haven't seen many movies tackling on transgenderism. I told my partner (who doesn't label themself but they sure are every But cis) about the movie and they actually heard about it and was also interested. Since we're a super long distant couple (I live outside of the US while my partner is from there) we couldn't watch it on theaters, but we planned on watching it online at some point.

Well, that "some point" was a week ago. We got on call and watched the movie and... I was kinda disappointed. I didn't Hate the movie, I still think it was good and my partner thought the same, but we didn't see it as a amazing film like so many people were claiming. We both agreed it was a 7/10 movie with a great message, but in the end it was nothing special.

The confession comes from me feeling guilty about this. I feel bad for not liking this movie as much as a trans person compared to every other trans person that loved it. My partner and I read articles about it and even watched videos covering the ending that left us confused and unsatisfied. Later on I searched the movie tag here on Tumblr, and saw many posts of people (trans people) criticizing those who laughed at moments and questioned the movie and started picking it apart after the movie ended instead of staying in silence. I think that's kinda ridiculous considering that was our first reaction to the ending, but apparently everyone on the notes were agreeing with the original posters, even accusing those that did those as "ignorant cis people".

I'm sure people will say: "You didn't like it because you're not a trans woman/trans femme". And you're right about one part: I'm a transmasc non binary person, but that can't be the reason since I've seen trans men and transmascs enjoying and relating/resonating with the movie. "Well clearly You didn't have to hide your identity" I Have to hide my identity to so many of my family members. I can't even get the haircut that I want, I don't have the clothing that will make me feel like im dressing myself, I don't have access to top surgery or testosterone injections. I know who I am, I just can't fully be that person yet. "Maybe you didn't get the message and symbolism" I watched the movie Knowing the symbolism, people on TikTok weren't being really vague about it lol. It's about suppressing your gender identity, suppressing who you truly are and the dangers of doing so. Not transitioning can kill, and Has killed, so many people. No matter who you are or how old you are or where you live, there's still time. There's still time for you to dig out your suppressed identity and turn into your true self. I think the message is Beautiful and So Important, it's just Something in the Execution that didn't work for me, I can't even explain it.

I know that in the end it's not that deep, it's just a movie that a lot of people Love while I just mildly enjoyed. I just wish I cried and adored this movie like everyone else did, I wish I connected to this movie like everyone else did. Maybe one day I will not care about this anymore, but I don't know when this guilt will go away. Hopefully soon.

This is just a me issue btw, my partner feels fine with just finding the movie okay.

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[ak319]

Unveil

(Gp actress x fem reader)

(Scene# 01)

(your name is Fairoz in the story)

Aman Dagon, the enigmatic, handsome and alluring actress that everyone drooled on. Who wouldn't? Her tall height, black soft, silky hair that one desired to touch, including her co-stars but her cold and mysterious personality intimidated them not to. She was famous for her villain roles especially the ones in which she was in a historical drama playing a distraught, arcane yet passionate lover oh, and how can we forget her iconic mafia lady role. It was her debut role that caused the wave of enchantment among women and men. People also know about her softer side for the heroines as she always acted gentlewomanly around them. This caused her female fans to fall in love with her more. She was always surrounded by paparazzi and everyone wanted to know more about her personal life. Her family owned many different businesses which she also took care of when she was not busy doing movies or dramas.

People were more than shocked when they found out that she was engaged. It all started when a fan made a TikTok about a ring on her finger that seemed different from her usual style and that she began to wear on more than one occasion. The internet went wild and even though her PR team was ecstatic to see that, they were tired of seeing and trying to control baseless and atrocious articles. It was after a month that the team was finally instructed by Aman to confirm that she was engaged. Aman didn't have any socials, which had made her fans more agitated as they had little source material to do research from. People were already jealous at her wife and few were genuinely happy for her. Even her co-stars were shocked as Aman's behavior didn't give the slightest hint about her engagement.

The real truth was that this marriage was hell, to begin with.

(2 months ago)

"Aman ma'am -- what? I mean didn't we already decided the amount to be 5 million? How come you are changing this now?" The director, Usama looked at Aman stunned.

"Mhmm , so you are saying you can't do it? Is that it?" Her deep voice , although calm , still sent chills down Usama's back. Not to forget her father was quite influential in entertainment industry.

"I am - sorry but yes , the contract had been signed prior , you remember right?."

"Do you know I can buy this company of yours and actually don't want your money . I didn't have any interest in doing this movie too but .....I did not do it for money or any of your shit." Yes , this is how she talked when she was annoyed . Her die hard fans would refuse to believe that she can be this egoistic but she was , and she was good at hiding it as well.

"But you do know if I sue you for forging a fake contract and paying me less , you will loose everything ....not to mentions my fans , they will make sure you can't do shit after this. So , all of this can be avoided if you hand me over , oops , haha. I meant , give me the hand of that girl you brought on set one day to me in marriage."

Mr. Usama nearly fainted right there. The girl she just talked about was her niece who was still in college. He couldn't believe his ears. Marriage of Fairoz to a woman like her, this is ...a nightmare.

"Earth to my favorite director" Aman snapped her slender fingers in front of his face, startling him. " I know it's hard to digest. That's why I will give you some time to decide and discuss this with your family and by that I mean ......a date for our engagement pronto.."

"She is my niece and what you are asking for is---I am sorry but --not possible."

"Not possible? Mhm. it has been forever since I have heard that word. Or you can say I am not used to hearing it ." She paused to let out a sarcastic chuckle. " Let me give you even a better one, I hate when people say it to me." Making the man gulp with her slow steps cornering him, she continued "I don't get what is impossible about a marriage? Isn't that the best thing you can get in your whole life? Me as your niece's wife. Pft. Never knew you to be so ungrateful."

Usama pondered over her words . Maybe she is right. What if she is a bit arrogant , that is a pitfall of being in the industry. 90 percent of people Usama had worked with are like her. If only focusing on the pros momentarily , the proffer doesn't sound terrible. Especially in the long term. Fairoz , if this goes well , may live a fruitful life. Just like her parents wanted and if Aman is proposing herself that must mean that she likes his niece.

Heaving a breath in , the words "I'll have a talk with my family . Sure." flowed from his lips which made the taller woman smirk.

"I am looking forward to a cordial response." Usama very well knew that she definitely won't take anything other than a cordial answer anyways.

Little did Aman know that the girl she was probing after would change her life in ways she hadn't had the slightest inkling about.

Unveil part 2

[toldbytendo]

𝑀𝑒𝑛 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝐵𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐼’𝑚 𝑇𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑃𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑇𝘩𝑒𝑦’𝑟𝑒 𝑁𝑜𝑡 🙃

I saw a tiktok the other day of a woman saying she had to sacrifice her self-expression just to date men, and I have never resonated with a notion so deeply in my entire life. Because—and I say this knowing that if I ever dared utter these words outside my little Tumblr safe haven, I’d be CANCELLED—men are genuinely so boring. Like, I don’t know how else to explain it. I find them so incredibly uninteresting, so lacking in depth, and honestly? Just extremely negative.

And I’d like to use my most recent case study in: What I Do Not Want in a Man (cue entry: 𝑀𝑟 𝐶𝑜𝑑 𝑀𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑒).

Before I get into it, let’s establish something. I am a lover girl. Romance occupies my life in so many ways—not in a “I centre men” kind of way, because let’s be real, I absolutely do not—but just in that I love love. I love romance in every form. Romantic K-dramas? Obsessed. Disney movies with a love story? Sign me up. Romance novels, Bridgerton, Jane Austen adaptations (Persuasion had me in a chokehold), Queen Charlotte—if it has love in it, I want it. And not just romantic love, but all love. Platonic love, familial love, the love between friends, the love of a home-cooked meal, the love of a hobby that lights your soul on fire. Love is beautiful, and I have no shame in saying I want to experience it in all its forms.

**lover girls, let us gather here and cry**

Now, 𝑀𝑟 𝐶𝑜𝑑 𝑀𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑒—the latest guest star on On This Month's Episode of 𝑀𝑒𝑛 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝑀𝑎𝑑—for whatever reason, he really disliked this about me. I’m convinced. There was one conversation I remember so vividly where this man looked me in the eye (well, as much as you can over a screen) and said, “You know love isn’t real, right?”

Yeah.

Let’s pause here for a second. Imagine.

A man. In this economy. Telling me love isn’t real. I know, right?

Insane.

But wait—he doubled down. He followed it up with, “You never really know if people truly love you.” And then, he gave me a very personal and honestly traumatic story to support his stance.

Now, let’s be clear. I am not here to minimise what he confided in me. It was deep. It was sad. I can acknowledge that. But I also need to make my point here. Because let’s be real: the gaslighting and manipulation were top tier. Because how does one even argue against such a personal, tragic experience? You can’t. That’s the point. He laid it out like checkmate, like his trauma was supposed to be the universal law on love.

But it wasn’t that his opinion offended me. It was that he refused to accept my love of love. He was actively trying to break it down, like he wanted me to concede so badly that love isn’t real, or true, or possible. Like… why? Why was it so important for me to not believe in something that brings me joy? Why was it bothering him that I believe in love?

And the thing is, it’s not just 𝑀𝑟 𝐶𝑜𝑑 𝑀𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑙𝑒. This is something I’ve observed in so many men. It’s the negativity, the cynicism, the absolute lack of joy or wonder in anything. It’s like they aren’t just boring—they fundamentally lack the ability to love things properly. Not just people, but life itself. It’s like nothing they do is done with real spark, or passion, or excitement.

And honestly? I think this is why men are so bad at actually learning women. I’m convinced. Because one thing I know about women—observations, personal experience, group chat data, everything—is that when a woman truly likes someone, she wants to know everything. She wants to know your ticks, your passions, what makes you angry, what makes you soft, what drives you, what you want out of life. It’s like 101 Dalmatians but with questions, and the thing is, that curiosity is what fuels the relationship. That attention to detail is what makes love exciting.

Meanwhile, men? They think “knowing you” means memorising your Starbucks order and remembering you have a dog. Ask them what you do for work, what your dream is, what brings you joy? Crickets. Because how can boring people fathom the sheer joy women experience in the little things? How can they possibly understand the absolute euphoria of buying yourself flowers, of rereading your favourite book, of knowing your skincare is working because your face is glowing? The sheer pleasure of being in bed by 9pm, freshly showered, your room smelling like vanilla and sandalwood, ice water in your Stanley mug, your favourite pyjamas on, your show queued up, or your current read open and ready?

Men don’t get that. Because men don’t let themselves enjoy things like that. And I’m not saying they don’t have hobbies or interests, but let’s be real—women are expected to tone it down a little bit. Our joy, our passions, our excitement about life? We have to shrink it so men don’t feel like they have to do anything.

And I think that’s what’s exhausting. That’s the part that feels so unrewarding. Because it’s not even a trade-off. It’s not like, “Okay, I’ll sacrifice this, so in return, I’ll get that.” There’s no 50/50, no 70/30. It’s just women needing to dim themselves, their light, their spark, their joy, just to let men exist.

Like, let me give you another example. A man, a big 25-year-old grown man, asked me out on a date. He lives in a different city, right? And he said he wanted to drive to see me and “take me out.”

Do you know what this man’s idea of a date was?

A drive-through.

I’ll pause.

I’ll let you scream.

I’ll let you kick your feet and wonder if I’m ugly

(I promise I’m not).

But this is what I mean. The implied energy was, “I’m already driving all this way to see you, and since we aren’t close enough for me to actually treat you, let’s just keep it casual.” Because, spoiling, effort, love—that’s all reserved for later. You have to earn it first. And the worst part? Women are told to let men lead.

Girl…men will lead you straight to hell. Don’t do it.

I don’t care what society says about “femininity” or “softness.” I’m not dimming myself so a man can feel comfortable existing at his baseline. If he can’t match my energy—if he can’t love things, enjoy things, cherish things—he can go.

Because men will always start at the bare minimum and upgrade you later, like love is a subscription service where you have to unlock premium benefits. Meanwhile, women are expected to be soft and kind and understanding from the start.

This is what I mean when I say men are boring. And this is why I refuse to make myself smaller just to make them feel bigger.

[bks-writing-adventures]

The Fish (Aemond Targaryen X OC, Sapphires and Carnelian Part Two.)

Read part one here!

https://www.tumblr.com/bks-writing-adventures/754389761267056640/sapphires-and-carneliansource=share

I also have this on Wattpad where I update almost every day, and you can find edits of the story on my tiktok: bk.calliope.

As the raven left with the letter, he found himself watching it until it was merely a black dot in the sky. He cursed beneath his breath. Could the raven not fly faster? It was like the creature didn’t even want to deliver the letter. As the bird dissolved into the clouds, his focus went back to the miniature in his hand. The more he looked at it, the more he could see beauty in her face. She did not have the sharp, neat look of ladies at the court, but something more charming, a bit more wild. And different was nice. He was different, so it would only make sense that his future wife be so, too.

Unless, of course, he was too late and the girl was already married. It had been several years afterall. And she was only five and ten in this photo, awkward with the touches of puberty and the expectations of society. He took a deep breath, and eventually, placed the picture down on his bedside table, scolding himself as he saw the marks his touch had left. The corners were crinkled from the weight of his sweating thumbs, and his cheeks got rosy as he blew on the parchment in hopes of evening it out. He couldn’t believe his own behavior, it was humiliating. 

He knew it would probably be days before they received any letter, if they received one at all, and so he found himself going to the training yard. He looked over all the options for swords, and every single one of them seemed dull. The sun was doing the aged metal no favors, and they were far from luxurious. Where had royalty gone wrong? He had seen depictions of old gowns and garments, ones that were divine and godly. Sleeves used to puff, and head pieces were worn like treasure. It was like they were moving backwards. All of that wealth going to the garbage. When he got a wife, and surely he would, she would never look plain. He would cover her in the best of gowns, have her hair braided with flowers and gems. She would be a true Princess. 

“My Prince, looking for a challenge, are you?” Ser Criston chuckled. Aemond looked back at him, a ghost of a smirk on his face. 

“If I was looking for a challenge, I would not be looking for you.” He responds. He had beaten Ser Criston time and time again, and sometimes he wondered what life would be if they were not just practicing. Perhaps, if he could, he would take Criston’s head clean off. He didn’t care much for the man, no matter how much he pretended. He was a man with no honor. One with loyalty to no one. He was no great knight, and he did not deserve his title, nor his cloak. He had broken his oaths time and time again, and it would not be long before someone suffered from his negligence. Constantly leaving his post to sleep with the Queen in the midst of the knight, rinsing his mouth of the taste of women. On his knees in the Sept, as though that washed away the lasting effects of his actions. That man could crush the whole realm to pieces, the way he crushed women like sand beneath his feet. 

“Oh, is that so?” Ser Criston smiled, grabbing a sword. “Then we should ensure that you do not get rusty, like all those cocky knights before you,” He spoke, and the two men took their positions. “I am not like the men who came before me,” and for better or worse, the words were true. At least he was exactly who he claimed to be. He was not a bastard, and he was no hypocrite. And he would never be like his father, who married a child. And he would not be like his uncle, who whined and cried and created drama left and right. He would not be like his brother, who made every person miserable every time he opened his mouth.

He was not sure who he would be, only that he would not be them. Perhaps he could be a good husband, a good father. And he could pray to the gods to make him King. If only Aegon was not alive. He fought harder against Criston’s weapons as the thoughts swam around his brain. How easy it would be to find Aegon in his delusions, wrapped in women at the brothel. It would not be so difficult to slip milk of poppy into his wine. Just enough so that he would not wake up. How easy life could be, then. 

But then of course, there was Rhaenyra, who his father loved more than anyone. But even that love was not pure. There was something dark inside his words. Something ingenuine, because the only thing a King can ever love, of course, was his crown. The thing must be cursed, for every time it touched the head of man, he became insufferable. Sitting on the iron throne filled the blood with ignorance. Maybe that is why the realm was spinning further and further into poverty and misery. With a final blow to Criston’s sword, the metal split in two, and the Knight smiled. “With those skills, you should be ready for a Tourney.” He said proudly, and Aemond tried to ignore how much it touched his heart. Hearing someone be proud of him, it was the finest luxury he had ever known. That validation that made his soul come alive.

 “I don’t give a shit about tourneys,” He said, taking a deep breath as he went to return his sword to the barrel. His wrist ached ever so slightly, and boredly, he cracked his knuckles. 

“Perhaps you should. That is the easiest way for a fine man to catch the attentions of a fair lady,” Criston responded as he slid his sword back to his holder. With a smirk, Aemond looked back at him. 

“Is that what happened to you?” He asked, making the knight go quiet. 

“I am only saying that it is worth a try. If you wait any longer to marry, you were no longer be in your prime.” As if he knew anything about marriage. Aemond rolled his eyes, shaking his head with an empty laugh as he approached the gardens.

 “If this is my prime, it will be a miserable life to live. I am not even twenty.” He responded. And besides, it was not like a mans seed could ever die. “And besides, I am already taking steps, for your information. And perhaps it would do you best to care about your own relationships. I am sure my mother would appreciate it.” He spoke, walking alone to the gardens. His book rested heavy in his cloak, and he walked until he found his favorite tree, a large willow older than himself. A robins nest sat in the depths of the branches, and as he sat to read, a ladybug ran across his book. His instinct was to smack it away from the parchment, but he held his breath. Helaena was always going on and on about the value of life, in things big and small. And guilt ate away at his belly, until he eventually took the bug on his fingertip and gave it a gentle blow of his breath, sending the small insect flying calmly to another tree. His head leaned against the bark as he propped himself up, his book in his lap. A History of Dragons. He had read it twice before, but what was the harm in reading it again? Besides, it was good to keep his knowledge fresh. And it was not as though a new book was going to come any time soon. 

That was his only problem with the library. It was all too limited. The histories of Westeros, the Science of Dragons, the Philosophy of The Seven. All fine literature, but all old. All things said before, time and time again for centuries on end. The newest book was still thirty years old, at least, and there was not a single novel about romance or magic. No fiction, no escaping the present. It was exhausting. And so, he decided, that tonight would be the perfect time to take himself to the city, to the small bookstores and presses until he found something that would interest him. The evening meal was nothing special. Rosemary potatoes and pulled pork. It was good, but it was all the same as any other day. “Did you embroider a lot today, Helaena?” His mother asked, but her daughter was far more fascinated with the grooves in the table, looking at them over and over. 

“I am excited,” She said quietly, and Alicent’s brows raised. That was a rare thing for Helaena, any form of happiness.

 “You are? What for?” She asked quietly, and Aemond looked at her, too. 

“For the fish.” She said quietly, a smile forming on her face. Alicent blinked, brows furrowed. As she was about to speak, Aegon opened his mouth. 

“This isn’t fish, it’s pork. It’s pig,” He said, laughing as he shook his head and filled his mouth with wine. It was a miracle that his lips weren’t permanently stained with purple. Helaena hummed, her eyes wandering quietly. Alicent shifted uncomfortably in her chair, looking at all of her children with her big brown eyes.

 “The weather was nice today. Did you get out to the gardens, Aemond?” She asked, and he nodded silently. Trying to create conversation at the table was like trying to turn water into wine. 

“Yes. I read a great deal of pages.” He mumbles. Silence again. The sound of forks against plates echoed off the walls, and Aemond was itching to leave. It was a miracle when the dinner hour was finally done, and he went to his chambers in a hurried manner. Looking under his bed, he carefully picked out his sack of coins, looking at them under the light. Books were a luxury, especially amongst the common folk. But he was good at bargaining. It was quite the thrill. Taking two coppers and a single golden dragon, he grabbed his cloak and went to his washroom, making sure to pin all of his hair away from his face.

If the merchants caught glimpse of the silver wisps, he would be overcharged, he was sure. He was silent as he moved through the streets, his cloak pinned to the very top of his head. So long as he stayed away from the Streets of Silk, he was as good as invisible. The book stores were nothing fancy, a simple hole in the wall with an oil-filled lantern to keep it from getting too dark, bugs buzzing on the walls as he looked over the titles. He could not find a single shop that only sold books, for all of them sold a plethora of things. But this one, Books and Beads, was quickly becoming his favorite. 

It had its own charms, figuratively and literally. Orange peels burned constantly with cinnamon, making the whole room smell like autumn, and his eye squinted as he traced over title over title. They were all things he had never heard of, unique with crooked cut parchment, and some still smelling of ink. Fresh copies. He flicked through the first few pages of a fairytale: A breakfast in the woods. It seemed fairly demonic in nature, going into the ideas of old fairytales and the old gods, and yet, he couldn’t help but feel intrigued.

Written with illustrations and brief poems, it didn’t make sense in the slightest. But it would give him something to do. He could fill a whole notebook with quotes, and perhaps he could add it some lines of his own. He would do that often, which is why he cut off his personal library to everyone else. They didn't need to know what he wrote in the margins. It was like therapy. Except, not as good, and it didn’t solve much. His eye continued to wander until he came across the most curious thing. 

The Big Book of Sea and Sand. It was the only copy, and it looked as though it had been beaten with a hammer. It was full of drawings and diagrams of sea creatures that he couldn’t even be bothered to pronounce, and passages full of words he didn’t know existed. After a moment of pondering, he went to the counter, where an old woman resided. Her hair was gray and thin, and her head was covered with a crown of shells and wood. It was messy, and ugly, but pretty in a way that was both endearing and off putting. “Just these, please,” He said, holding up both of the books. 

 “Three silvers,” She said, her fingers trailing over the titles as she wrapped the hard covers in gritty paper. He scoffed, shaking his head and placing his hand down. 

“They are not worth that much and you know it. That book looks as though it has been stomped on by a herd of filthy sheep,” He said, eye narrowed. He knew he could afford it, but there was a thrill in the bargain. And besides, if he walked out with a good deal, he would be able to buy more books with the same pocket. The woman raised her brows, her forehead wrinkling like the face of an old dog.

 “But the knowledge is still worth three silvers. The covers may be ugly, but the value does not change,” She said, wrapping the stack in twine. He sighed, chewing on the inside of his cheek as he looked down. 

“Two books do not cost three silvers,” He mumbled.

 “How about this. Two books, and one fine quill.” She spoke, holding up what seemed to be a peacock feather. It was large and extravagant, the fibers of the feathers shining with the colors of the deep sea, swirls of green and rich violet. “You have a deal,” He said, popping the three silver coins on the counter and pushing his package into the pocket of his cloak. As he moved for the exit, he walked past a bin as large as a wagon, full of glass beads. Some were humongous, while others were the size of a pin head. Small burlap sacks were placed next to the box, along with a sign.

A bag of beads for a copper. What was anyone to do with so many of them? Make bracelets for a whole kingdom? He chuckled to himself, shaking his head as he left the shop, before an idea tickled his brain. What did women love more than money and flattery? Gifts. And what was better than a gift? Something handmade, with love. Slowly, he walked backwards until his feet were back on the wooden floor, and he didn’t bother looking as he filled up a burlap sack with two scoops of beads, glass and nut and wood. 

“This, too.” He said, putting the copper down before the woman could respond. The night was growing old, and he did not care to be out when storms were brewing and sex was in the air. He groaned as he moved through the forest, the cold air lapping at his warm skin and nipping at his exposed ears. He could see the glow of candles gleaming in the windows of the maids quarters, and the silhouette of Helaena doing her nightly pacing. Perhaps she would like a bracelet, too. And he was very aware of how many beads he had purchased. Maybe one for his mother, as well.

Even though he knew that she would not wear it. His hands twitched as he dragged himself to his chambers. Whoever built the Keep had to be smoking something stronger than the Gods if they thought this place would be walkable. It took him half an hour to navigate in the darkness, until he finally collided with his bed, slapping his purchases down on his bedside table as exhaustion climbed up his spine. But he could not sleep just yet. 

He would have to bathe, to wash the scent of the city off his skin. There was a constant smell of smoke and sweat in the air, and his shoes would need a wash too. He had no idea what he had stepped in that smelled so vile, and he wasn’t certain that he wanted to know what was in the mystery substance. He poured himself a cup of wine, running his bath until his mirror was coated with steam. His heart thumped as he stared at his reflection. He hardly ever had his mirrors uncovered, he often forgot what he looked like. It was easier this way. His eyes wandered down to his chest, covered in small bruises of love bites and knicks and scratches from training.

His hands were calloused from holding swords and reigns. He’d let himself be hardened like a diamond in the earth. With a sigh, he slowly sat in his bath, wincing from the heat as his skin flashed bright red like a boiling crab. He pulled the pins from his hair, letting it get covered in water, the artificially straight strands scrunching into their natural curls. How he hated it. It was too Hightower. It took away from his regal appearance, in his opinion, at least. 

He only bathed every few days, and he knew the morning would be spent in his chair, hours of having a hot comb scraped across his scalp and ends. It would only last three days before his hair would get too heavy with grease and need another wash. His ankles rested on the edge of the tub, and he drank his wine until a splash spilled into the water, twirling like blood. He groaned, downing the rest of the cup before he finally washed himself, scratching his scalp with his nails as a mountain of shampoo grew on his skin.

The sun would be up soon, and just as the first touches of sun spread across the sky, his cheek hit his pillow. He knew it was close to noon when he heard the loud screeches of the birds and the maesters, and he groaned as he lifted his blankets over his head, burying his face in the plush. His hair was a mess of frizz all around him, like an unkept mane of a lion. A knock hit against his door, echoing off his wall. With a huff, he slowly sat up, pawing around for his eyepatch that had gone flying off in his slumber. It was upside down and hardly secured to his head when he called out, clearing his throat.

 “Yes?” He calls out, waiting for a response. After two seconds, he rolled his eye, standing up and throwing on his long, heavy robe, swinging the door open, finding his knight. “Yes?” He repeated tiredly.

 “Your mother requests your presence in her solar,” The guard responded. He didn’t understand why his mother could never come to his chambers to speak to him. It made him feel a certain way, one that he didn’t really understand. She frequently visited Helaena, and yet.. He was not worth the effort. He nodded quietly, thanking the knight before he rang his bell, summoning his maids. There were maids that were meant to help him dress, but he didn’t care much for people touching him, or seeing his bare body. Especially people that he would have to see around his home. It was an odd concept. And he liked the one that did his hair. She was quiet, and she didn’t expect anything. She would simply light a candle and heat the metal comb, wiping it on wet fabric until it sizzled. 

“You could do well with a thinning.” She said. He didn’t respond, sitting still and biting down on his lip as the teeth of the comb bumped his skin. It took nearly an hour for all of his hair to be hot and straight, and the maid helped him to get the leather bands in, keeping it out of his face. “It is supposed to rain today. Do not go outside, or all of this will be in vain,” She spoke, and he nodded as she wrapped her supplies back up, slipping out the door. He dressed in his day clothes, which were not so different from the ones he wore to bed. A white undershirt that was hidden by the darkness of his doublet, a golden buckled belt resting on his hips.

Giving himself a glance in the mirror, he quickly corrected his eyepatch before heading out his door, heading to his mothers solar. She had learned very quickly that when she wanted to speak with him, it was best to send for him an hour earlier than she actually expected. He took longer than most princesses to prepare for his day, knocking on the door. When his mother opened the door, she looked bright and excited, like a puppy. His brows raised. He was not used to seeing his mother so enthusiastic, so unmasked. He smiled back, slowly, though he wasn’t sure why they were smiling. “We have a response,” She says, quickly going to her desk and holding up a letter. It didn’t look to be very long, and he carefully grabbed it in his hands.

Your Grace,

We are delighted that you have chosen to reach out to us. Luckily, Emberwyn still remains unwed and is almost a woman grown. While she is not overly fond of the idea of marriage, she would be willing to meet with your youngest son, Aemond. We would like to invite you and your son to our home on the 20th day of the Moon. We will provide a dinner of fish, clams, and crabs, and would love to have you stay as guests for the night. Our guest chambers have just been redone and are in great need of a break-in. 

Lord Tully.

Aemond read the letter a few times over, just in case he misread anything. “The 20th day? Isn’t that in only four days?” He asks, brows scrunched. It would be a long journey by carriage, unless, of course, he went on dragonback. Which could go brilliantly, or lead to him horrifying the woman he hoped to court. “It is. It would do us well to start packing. And do your best not to say anything unsavory,” She spoke, waving to some maids, having them get her trunks. “Unsavory?” He repeats, staring down at her. It was hard for him to believe that he had been shorter than her, once. When he was 14, he had the biggest of growth spurts. For four moons straight, all he did was eat and sleep, and suddenly he was 6 feet and built like the statues in the Sept. 

“It would not be proper to speak of the histories and philosophies. While I know you enjoy such topics, it is not appropriate to discuss at a lunch with a lady. Be sure to stick to simple topics that could not lead to arguing. The weather, the meal, her gown, your journey. And try your best not to speak of your swords,” She spoke, and as much as he would love to argue, he bit his tongue and nodded. He didn’t understand the rules of courting. What was the point of speaking on the passing of the clouds and the burning of the sun? It would tell nothing of his character, nor Emberwyn’s. And he did not want to marry a simpleton. She would have to have at least some interest in his hobbies, as he would in hers. If she had many hobbies. And he hoped that she did. A pit grew in his stomach as he watched the maids pack up his things. It was becoming too real.

 The excitement of the letter was greater than this feeling. Of not knowing what would happen. But now that he knew he would actually be meeting her, face to face, he twisted in discomfort. He frowned as the maids packed his ugliest clothes. The coats that he hoped he would never have to wear in the public. He always found his formal clothes to be hideous. The high colors, the bright red, the gems. He only sighed to himself as he took his books and his bag of beads to the library, burying himself at a table between the shelves. They were like a protective wall around him. As he untied the twine that kept the packaging paper together, he was careful not to cut it or wrinkle it too much, stretching it out. It was as big as his wingspan, and he tried to get an idea of how short it would be. 

As he cut it with his knife, he silently ridiculed himself. Why would a noble lady want a beaded mess crafted by his hands? He only got more agitated as he tried to get the tiny beads onto the material, his eye squinting. The end didn’t want to get into the hole. Licking his lips, he took a deep breath as he sucked the end of the twine, trying to get the end to be more narrow, trying to shove it through the hole once more. It took him perhaps an hour to get ten beads on teh twine, and he stared tiredly at it, setting it down. “Maeya,” He spoke, calling over one of the maids as the sweeped the library floor. She was quiet and chubby, a bit younger and shorter than him. 

“Yes, my Prince?” She asked. She looked anxious, as if he were about to fire her on spot, despite the fact that he didn’t hold that authority. He always felt guilt in his belly whenever the maids reacted to him in such a way, perhaps afraid that he would treat them the same way that his brother did.

 “Come here, please. Let me see your wrist,” He spoke, waving her over. After a moment of hesitance, she lifted the sleeves of her dirty gown. Her fingers were squishy and stumpy, and her skin held no jewlery. Based on what he was picturing in his mind, her and Emberwyn were probably the same size. “You are a woman. Or a girl. You are something.” He said awkwardly as he wrapped the twine around her wrist, pinching the material where the twine would wrap comfortably on her skin. 

“...Thank you?” She mumbled, brows scurnched. She couldn’t tell where he was going with this, and her cheeks were getting a little pink. “You’re welcome.” He said, taking the twine back. “So- what do you know about women? Do you think a woman some years older than you would like something such as this?” He asked, holding up what he had so far. He was trying to copy a pattern from a book of traditional beading, but it was much too advanced for him to follow correctly. He was certain he had repeated the same step a few times.

 “...I think a woman would,” She responded honestly. “It is not my taste. But it is the thought that counts.” She spoke. He nodded, fiddling with the jewlery in his hand. “I think these beads are prettier,” She says, reaching into the bag and pulling out a few shell beads. Some were clay, but she seemed to stay away from the glass ones. 

“You like them more than the glass?” He asked, watching her nod. She slowly sat down, combing through the small spheres. 

“I think that you should use a shell as the center piece. Who is this for?” She asked, taking the twine into her own hands. “A lady. A fine lady of Riverrun.” he said, a hint of pride in his tone. She hummed, turning the project in her hands a few times. “Well. For a lady of riverrun, perhaps she would like something with a natural look. Use the wood and the shells, and try to follow a zigzag knot for the closure,” She suggested, and he nodded as though he understood.

 “A zigzag knot, of course,” he mumbles, sighing as she walked away. When he finally finished crafting the bracelet, it was time for his afternoon meal of a meat pie and eggs, and he ate as he leaned over one of his books. 

“Posture,” Alicent reminded him softly, making him sigh as he straightened up. She was one of the only people that ever saw him act like a child. Hunched over, picking at his food, mumbling under his breath. And yet, he could never see the same from her. She had played her role so hard that she forgot her own little quirks. He just hoped that he would never live that way.

 “Are you anxious?” She asked quietly, and he nodded as he set his book down. 

“I am, of course. I do not like being away from home. And I do not like travelling by carriage,” He reminded her. The last time he had done so was before he lost his eye. Since then, he was not keen on travel. He preferred to stay home as much as he could.

 “I know that. But this is only the first meeting. And once you both agree to a proper courtship, things will progress. Perhaps she could come here, or maybe she will even be interested in meeting Vhagar, but I cannot make any promises,” She responded, and he nodded as his eye wandered. 

“Eat your food before it gets cold,” She spoke, and he chewed quietly. “Enjoy it while you can. In Riverrun, all they ever eat is fish. Disgusting.” She mumbled, sipping her tea. He fought the urge to scoff, leaning back in his seat. 

“I hope you do not say that while we are in their home,” He said, and she laughed quietly against her cup. 

“Of course not. I know better. Now, we have to leave in a day, so make sure that you have everything you wish to bring,” She said as she dug into her small bowl of fruit. 

“In a day? I thought they were not expecting us for a few more nights?” He asked, to which she nodded. 

“It is a long journey. It is best to leave early than arrive late.” She spoke, and that night, he slept in his bed as a single man for what he hoped to be the last time. For the next afternoon, he would be on his way to Riverrun.

Thank you to everyone who reads!!!

-BK ♡

[rafescvntyclubgf]

experiencing writers block and would love some ideas!!

Hi bb!! Happy NYE!

Oh nooo writer’s block is the worst!!! I’m so sorry.

Yes! I have a few different things that I do personally.

1 - and honestly I think this one is the easiest… There are a ton of readers on here that have some really, really good fic ideas. I’m sure you’ve already made a post but putting something out there can get you a few different ideas and maybe one will excite you.

2 - reading some stories from other fandoms that interest you in your free time. I feel like it opens up a different part of my brain. Idk. This helps me for some reason.

3 - browsing TikTok or watching a new show and basing a story off a scene. I had never written cowboy!rafe before so I was a little nervous. I remembered this TikTok edit that I loved and I watched that as inspo and leaned into that for a the “vibe” of that scene and it got me really excited overall.

4 - choosing one of your favorite pairings, going on Pinterest, and finding a prompt. Once you do that, you can kind of think of how that couple would act in that given situation and the see if you can think of a storyline based off of that.

For example: College!Hockey Rafe x Reader

Writing prompt: Family relationships

For Rafe, it’s obviously poor. Maybe the readers is a sweetheart and she catches Rafe after the game leaving by himself while everyone else talks to their friends and family. What would happen after that?

5 - rewriting scenes is also fun. Exchanging him for a lead character in a move or a TV show that you really like. For example, I am going to do a one shot where Rafe plays the Salesman in Squid Games. Then taking one of those scenes and taking a few of the elements to change it into a one shot.

7 - music. This is also a pretty easy one. If you go on Spotify you can search for Rafecore playlists or, just find some of your favorite songs. Listen to the lyrics and see if any of them inspire you whether it be a storyline or a vibe. If you go onto Google you can even do a deep dive on the lyrics and the meaning behind it and this to yourself what your pairing would do in that given situation. Obviously giving credit to the artist of course but I feel like readers really like when you base your work off music because a lot of the time they are framiliar with the song themselves and they can pick up on the nuances or if you slip a lyric in there.

8 - Piggy backing off a story that really inspired you or you enjoyed. I’m doing this right now with my PopStar!Reader and Bodyguard!Rafe. How would they act on NYE? What situation could I put them in? I just thought about what was going on tonight -> New Years Rockin’ Eve. What drama could happen there? -> Maybe she could be performing with a past client of his. What drama would that cause?

9 - Lastly, writing the reader into scenes within the show itself. What is a scene that you think the Pate’s could have expanded? What do you wish they would have done differently? What would Rafe have acted like if the reader was there? What would it have been like if Rafe came home to the reader after that night?

I hope that helps!

[antiscorbutic]

welcome to my polar explorers sideblog !

books n things ive read / some thoughts etc (updated frequently)

> Endurance - Caroline Alexander

what I started with. v good read imo pretty succinct and flows nicely. not too hero-worshippy iirc, nice pictures

> The Worst Journey in the World - Apsley Cherry-Garrard

I read (listened to) the audiobook narrated by Simon Vance and really liked it! tbh I wasn't super deep in to all this when I started it and was kind of shocked at how readable it was. my favorite part is birdie's letter about the land crabs.

also in general it's really nice to get an actual pov account -- the secondary books are lovely for helping muddle through sources and stuff but I get annoyed with how much time is spent on the Famous bits and not the unglorious monotony, which i love hearing about. I gotta read some actual diaries

> Madhouse at the End of the Earth - julian sancton

JESUS I did not know anything about the belgica going in AND I'd just watched aliens (1986) and WHY are there narrative parallels this shouldn't be real??? also amundsen is a real freak (<- value neutral)

> Endurance (2024)

uhhh sorry kids I hated this. I know it's based on the guys book but like the parallel heroic narrative thing was so icky to me. also the AI voices were giving "we didn't want to pay voice actors" and!!! fucking pointless to end it when you find the ship I want to know about the ship!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to watch a doc about the ship not about some people who found the ship. tragic for me

> Shackleton (2002) - TV miniseries with Kenneth Branagh

actually loved this. there was clearly so much attention and care put in to little historical details and even with all the silly dramatic Kenneth monologues i really enjoyed it

> The Great White Silence (1924) - Herbert Ponting

fucking WILD that as a card carrying member of the attention-span-ruined tiktok generation that as soon as I found this I was GLUED to the screen for the full like 2.5 hours or however long it is. seriously jumpscared by the cat's racial slur of a name (as ever) but honestly it's a good reminder of the colonial context we're in here so I kind of appreciate it. anyway absolutely mind boggling to see this early footage of the adelie penguins etc when I grew up watching them in planet earth and have always kind of taken their existence for granted. and I think the telling of the actual polar journey was pretty touching for being obviously like the same 15 seconds of footage of a miniature

> Endurance - Alfred Lansing

eh I didn't need to read both this and the caroline alexander book. it was fine. I always wish they'd spend more time on the elephant island castaways and less time on the small boat journey. I get that that's the like, famous impressive part, but I'm here to be reminded of the horror that it is to be alive day after day and I think more time should be spent on that monotony. also he didn't talk about the post-expedition AT ALL and I need my little "where they are after the reality TV series ended" title cards

> Amundsen (2019)

didn't finish it. too much back-at-home drama not enough being on the ice

> The Last Place on Earth (1985)

I haven't read the scott v amundsen book it's based on but jesus whoever wrote that must have fucking hated scott. I'm not saying they're wrong necessarily I'm no expert i AM saying hes wrong fuck this guy!!!! but holy shit did scott look like an incompetent asshole even compared with all the other incompetent assholes. needed more screen time of young hugh grant as cherry

> basically any bbc special about explorers

PLEASE correct me if I'm missing anything but lord I stg every one of these is the worst pro imperialism hero worship bullshit of all time. "james cook was a really nice guy actually" are you fucking kidding me

> empire of ice and stone - buddy levy

this is my first arctic account and I have. a lot of thoughts and feelings about the way arctic expeditions interact w indigenous people that I don't want to get into here. truly baffled by the number of polar bears they interacted with. also fuck stefansson so much like okay fine you left the ship but go find it again??? fucking rescue them?????

> in the kingdom of ice - Hampton sides

okay this might be my favorite modern account I've read. I love how much context is provided ... like I have Thoughts and Feelings about John Muir but his diaries being included and GOD Emma's letters being interspersed was fucking devastating. definitely the most emotional I've gotten. and all the interludes to explain the geography of a region and what its called now or in russian and even all of the many chapters about bennett added so much for me. AND giving full accounts of each group after they split the party without one getting only briefly summarized in favor of the other but also without making the timeline confusing???? -- I say this all even though hampton committed what to me is the cardinal sin of these books: skipping time that's "boring". a whole year of monotony??? julian sancton only you understand me

> labyrinth of ice - buddy levy

augh. OUAGHE. oughe!!!! I am devastated. good book :(

> alone on the ice - david roberts

not my favorite .... the author is clearly bitter that mawson is not as famous and heroic to history as someone like shackleton. also I really think he should have stuck to a linear narrative structure instead of jumping around. zero mention of possible cannibalism

not historical but overlaps / scratched a similar itch:

> outlaw ocean - ian urbina

modern investigative journalism on lawlessness on the high seas. fucking hard to read because it's largely about like, human trafficking. even the "light" stories are still rough. really, really good read though and i liked hearing about recent trawling and whaling in the south and thinking about it in relation to historical whaling etc

> frozen planet (2011)

I mean I'm a huge sucker for any attenborough nature doc esp the planet earth extended universe but this was also specifically produced around the 100th anniversary of amundsen & scott reaching the pole and I love to think about the boys seeing the penguins and seals etc for the first time .... wonderful stuff

> the thing 1982

I think I'm probably the last person to watch this one so I don't think I can add much commentary but as someone who has seen approx. 3 horror movies and two were alien and aliens I did not think it was as scary as it could have been. I do like a horrible Beast though so maybe that's on me

currently in progress!!!!!!!!!

> Erebus - Michael Palin <- I have the ebook instead of the audiobook so I'm making my way through it slowly :-)

> ice ghosts - Paul watson

other things I have out from the library but haven't started:

> eight bears - Gloria dickie (not directly relevant but highly recommended to me)

> late Victorian holocausts - Mike Davis <- a little too academic for me to parse easily but Mike ily and I think it's healthy to read about other things happening around the same era

> left hand of darkness

> against the ice - Ejnar mikkelsen

> to the edges of the earth - Edward larson

^ huge s/o to @jesslovesboats's sad boat books lists btw for helping me find more sad boat books that my library has audiobooks of <3 (im very much an audiobook guy so while I'm frothing to read more diaries and shit I have a hard time with it. yet another tragedy for me personally)