#so! it was in some ways a productive night if you ignore my lack of sleep

[ba9go]

(nsfw) friends w/ benefits!bakugou katsuki headcanons

mdni: explicit & implied sexual content. nsfw under the cut

bakugou katsuki x fem!reader, friends with benefits, sexual tension, blowjobs in the classroom. definitely not inspired by my ex fwb-turned-bf haha (it is 1000%)

it was written exams season, and you were stressed. you distanced yourself from your classmates, and started ignoring mina's text messages inviting you to momo's room for your usual group study sessions. you felt a little bad, but you've always been more productive when studying alone.

katsuki was stressed too. he sat behind you in class, and over the course of the past week, it was as if his pen-clicking tendencies grew proportionally to his stress. click, click, click, click, click. it didn't bug you, though. if anything, you were worried.

katsuki was usually quiet in lessons, but he'd been sighing more. you don't blame him. there was so much content to be memorised. so many chapter sections and parts.

class had ended, and your classmates were already streaming out of the room, but you were still packing your things up. apparently, katsuki was still packing up too.

"fuckin' hell," katsuki groaned under his breath. you heard aggressive page-flipping behind you. you looked behind out of concern.

katsuki's sharp gaze flickers up from the thick stack of notes on his table. when he meets your gaze, you note that his glare lacks its usual ferocity. he looks tired.

"what?" he snaps at you. a second passes, and you see his glare falter. his brows furrow slightly.

"you good?" you ask anyway.

"me? are you good?" you blink, and then realise that you probably look like a zombie after the all-nighter you pulled.

you try to say that you're fine, but katsuki raises a brow at you, so you shake your head. yeah no, you are absolutely not good right now.

"not really. m'really stressed," you sighed.

"you gettin' any sleep?"

you shake your head.

"you should sleep."

"i know."

"you need rest."

"i know."

you sigh, and you turn away from katsuki to pick up your bag. you should probably head back to your room and continue studying—

"m'stressed too," katsuki admits quietly. he doesn't meet your gaze when you turn to look at him again.

"oh," you hum absentmindedly. you're not sure what you should be saying to him. it was bakugou katsuki, after all. he didn't want or need your pity. what would katsuki want? what could you offer katsuki?

you must be really sleep-deprived and definitely not in your right mind, because you undo the first few buttons of your shirt and start to retie your ponytail.

"want some help?" you ask, sounding a little more hopeful than you'd intended. you hope katsuki got the hint.

katsuki stares at you through narrowed eyes. he's quiet, so it feels like your proposition is just hanging heavy in the air between the both of you. you're mentally screaming at yourself, wondering what the fuck you're doing, but it's too late for you to back out, so you just meet katsuki's steady gaze and pray he doesn't notice the blush dusting your cheeks (he definitely does)

"yeah," katsuki finally says. he drops his notes and one of his hands disappears under the table. you can't help the way your eyes follow the movement, and you watch shamelessly as katsuki unbuckles his belt and unzips his pants.

katsuki looks at you through empty, tired eyes. he knows he's not in his right mind either. he would've never asked for such a thing from you, he respects you too much for that. you're his classmate. his friend, and one of his most trusted ones at that.

but katsuki isn't blind. he has eyes. he knows you're stupidly hot. he'd never admit it, but he's spent a few nights jerking off to the thought of your plush, wet lips around him.

katsuki isn't in his right mind, but even if he were, he's not sure he'd ever be able to turn down such a proposition from you.

katsuki pulls his boxers down, and his cock springs out. it's thick and pink and veiny and you rub your thighs together restlessly.

katsuki shifts his chair back and nods towards the now-empty space between his legs. "c'mere."

you end up on your knees, under katsuki's table, with a mouthful of cock.

"holy fuck," katsuki hisses through gritted teeth when you open your pretty lips and your hot breath hits the head of his cock. there's a bead of precum along his slit, and katsuki lets out a quiet whine when your tongue darts out to lick along it.

katsuki's embarrassed, immediately bringing a hand over his mouth. he moans into his palm when you press a wet kiss on the underside of his cock, right below his head. he wonders where you learnt how to do this, who taught you how to suck cock this, who else had you between their legs like this, when it could've been, should've been him. katsuki swallows his anger and jealousy.

"katsuki," you whisper, and katsuki swears he almost came right there and then. he hums in response. "wanna hear you. wanna know i'm doin' a good job."

and who was katsuki to deny you?

"oh, fuck," katsuki moans, low and guttural, when you finally wrap your lips around him and sink your mouth down on his cock. you're so good for him, he thinks as he squeezes his eyes shut and wills himself not to nut right down your throat.

katsuki opens his eyes when the head of his cock hits the back of your throat. you're deepthroating him, and he thinks he's going insane.

you're looking up at him with your mouth stuffed with his cock, yet you somehow manage to look so cute and almost innocent, batting your lashes prettily at katsuki.

your eyes are teary and you moan something around his cock. you look so pathetic, but you look like you're absolutely loving it. katsuki loves it too.

"so good f'me, baby," katsuki grabs the end of your ponytail and wraps it around his hand and pulls. "wanna ruin you. mess up that pretty mouth. show me how good you are at sucking cock, yeah?"

katsuki almost regrets egging you on, because you start bobbing your head up and down and it feels so fucking good. katsuki throws his head back and moans brokenly, and he's so fucking glad the last person to leave the classroom was smart enough to close the fucking door. you both sounded filthy, with your wet sloppy slurping and his loud ass moans.

"shit, fuck," katsuki feels his dick throb at the sensation of your tongue against his cock. "slow down, fuck, m'so fuckin' close, fuck—"

you ignore him. your jaw hurts like fuck right now and your legs are so sore, but you love this. love sucking katsuki's cock, love making him feel good.

so you bob your head up, down, up, down, until katsuki spills into your throat with a cry.

"cumming, fuck," katsuki squeezes his eyes shut. his hips stutter as he rides out his orgasm, fucking into your throat and forcing his cum down your throat.

you keep katsuki in your mouth until his dick starts to grow soft and he whines at the overstimulation.

"feel better?" you asked, voice fucked raw.

"yeah," katsuki reaches down to pat your head affectionately. "thanks."

taglist (thank you for your support!!): @anicaaa67 @maddietries @nemisimp @an-na-bella @valeriyaaak @buggie07 @v3n7s @deimosjay @iguanahykhv @zaiban2989 @girls-overflower @notmeduhh

[whatt-the]

Okay but imagine Stanford rubbing one out to the thought of you

Like. He'd be so embarrassed. Don't even try to question me on that. His face would be all flushed red and burning hot when he finally lets his urges take him over. I can just see that guy sitting at his paper crammed desk all alone ignoring (or at least attempting to ignore) how lightheaded he's getting from all of the blood not going to his brain, and yet still trying to be productive; I can see how ford would be pressing his thighs toguether subconsciously just to get himself any sort of relief from the pressure-- though, it won't go away.

But you know what else doesn't go away?

His thoughts about you. God they are wretched. The occasional daydreaming about being near you turned to daydreaming about touching, holding, kissing you- which turned to what he has to deal with now. Obsessive, maladaptive and consistant thoughts about maybe: maybe getting to have you the way he craves oh so desperately

So he reasons: 'He deserves a break, he's worked to the point of exhaustion, he should get to have some pleasure'. It's what he wants to hear, more specifically what he wants to hear from you; and fuck if his brain didn't do a damn good job at imitating your voice when those words crossed his mind. Unsurprisingly, the thoughts just get increasingly more targeted at the cureent situation. How would you react to seeing him like this? Would it be disgust? Anger? He'd understand those reactions, he did feel incredibly sinful while doing these acts, so it is only fair that his rational and logic loving brain would find those to be the answers you'd give..

That's what he pretends to believe in at first, of course. He can't help but be delusional about you- delusional about receiving your praises. Oh how his eyes snap shut when the idea that you'd be amused by his current position; that you'd encourage him to keep going. He can feel himself shiver at the view in his mind-- had his limbs always felt this weak?

And this is the scenario he finds himself facing on... most nights. It is pathetic how much he wants you, it's written all over him: in his lovestruck eyes, in his shaky hands, in the sketches of you scrawled all throughout his notes, in the sleepless nights where his body denies him peace- and equally reflected in the nights where his only dreams are of you and him.

Haha anyway have a sketch of this idea featuring college ford, will do a current ford version if encouraged

This man is unhinged and I'm tired of pretending he's not

You, blissfuly unaware that you're the cause of his lack of sleep: "ford? Are you okay? You look really tired today"

Ford, unable to look you in the eye because of sheer embarrassment: "yes, yes. You know how intensive my research gets... haha.."

[ywnzn]

boy next door ᡣ𐭩 so dramatic

ᡣ𐭩 song eunseok x fem!reader

ᡣ𐭩 synopsis. in which yn keeps texting a random number life updates, that turns out to be the boy next door.

ᡣ𐭩 warnings. lower case intended, not proofread, kissing ? lolol, wonbin being a ynseok anti, ignore any typos pls.

ᡣ𐭩 wc. 515

“dude, just finish your job, you’ll go home and see her.” wonbin groaned, rubbing his temple in frustration at his friend’s lack of productivity.

“you don’t get it, i don’t even have any motivation.” eunseok rolled his eyes, fingers tapping on the back of his phone anxiously.

he hasn’t seen his girlfriend since the night before, of course he was feeling that way.

wonbin grimaced, but before he could reply back, sungchan entered the studio. “and why are you late?” wonbin turned to the taller guy, who said he’s going to get coffee 40 minutes ago but only came back now.

“i had a situation…” he scratched the back of his neck sheepishly, “and what is it- oh right, i forgot i asked you to…”

eunseok’s ears picked on the way wonbin’s voice got quiet, however, he didn’t get the chance to turn around before he felt two small hands cover his eyes. he smiled and a small chuckle left his lips.

“guess who?” the familiar voice paired with the equally familiar scent were enough to widen his grin.

“my baby, of course,” eunseok giggled, his hands moving to hold yn’s and uncover his eyes, he turned his head to look at her with a smile still plastered on his lips.

“hi,” yn giggled shyly, cheeks slightly reddened. “hey, cutie.” eunseok giggled back, standing up and facing her so their position won’t be straining anymore.

“keep it down with the pda, or you’ll see my lunch.” wonbin groaned again, putting his headphones on before he could hear or see anything else.

“so dramatic.” eunseok shook his head at the boy before he turned back to his girlfriend who was busy giggling at the sight of wonbin complaining.

“hey, don’t look at him.” he pouted and cupped her cheeks, forcing her to look at him.

she giggled again and leaned up to press her lips against his pout in a quick move, pecking it before she pulled back again, watching as his cheeks got pink.

“goddamn, what did i say about pda? i’m telling seunghan.” wonbin groaned, standing up and taking his laptop with him. glaring at the couple as he stepped out the studio, pulling sungchan, who was silently lounging on the couch, out with him.

“now we’re alone.” eunseok smirked, leaning in till their noses almost touched. “don’t get too excited, seoki, i need to go back soon.” yn pouted, nuzzling her nose gently against his.

eunseok hummed, his hands resting on her waist and pulling her closer towards him before he tilted his head and pressed his lips against hers in a gentle kiss.

yn kissed back almost immediately, fingers slipping through his hair; which made eunseok giggle softly against her lips.

he always felt ticklish whenever she played with his hair or brushed her fingers through it. soon after both had to pull away for air, eunseok let himself rest his forehead against yn’s, eyes closed and lips spread in a smile.

a few seconds of comfortable silence passed before she heard him mumble against her lips;

“i love you, hong yn”

₊ ⊹ prev | bonus ⊹ ₊

ᡣ𐭩 notes. the end ?! i’m definitely gonna post bonus chapters at some point though (taro if u see this ily, thank u for being my no.1 supporter <3) (and thank uuu hannie for keeping me sane ‼️)

ᡣ𐭩 taglist. [closed] @deobriize @starwonb1n @teddywook @seunghancore @molensworld @ahnneyong @lecheugo @eternalgyu @rksbae @hakkkuu @wonychu @nakam00t @totheseok @ilovechanhee @strawbaemi @miyawakiblossoms @kgyam4 @sseastar-main @rosesfortaro @dodot04lover @daegale @b-riize @snoopyana @lipsbyive @bludzk1llzyuzu @keilovr @ksywoo @bambisnc @poollabug @rllymark @jinanangel @bunni @drinktaro @wonbinsvlle @lcvehee @snowyseungs @miyawwn @nujeskz @https-yeonjun @esther-kpopstan

[bouncybongfairy]

Shut The Fuck Up

Simon (Ghost) Riley x Fem Reader Smut

Summary: You keep Ghost up all night while talking on the phone to your friends. He decides the only way to keep you quiet is to use your mouth for something more productive.

Word Count: 1.0k+

Ref Account: @kaionyx

TW: Face Fuck, Facial, Swallowing, Dom Ghost

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

“Yeah girl, no yeah I actually told him I was like: who the fuck wears brown combat boots with a all black outfit like, come on now, what are you even doing?,” you laugh as you talk on the phone. 

“Shut it!” he groaned, half asleep. 

It was the middle of the night and you were filling your best friend in on everything going on. Ghost was trying to sleep, his bed right across from you and facing the wall. Waking him up every time you laughed or gasped from information received. He was tired, exhausted from a vigorous day of training. Tired as he was, he was entertained by the conversation. You attempted to lower your voice when speaking about something private. Unaware that he could still hear everything you were saying. He gave up on optimistically thinking that the conversation would end soon. 

“I tried wearing one of those masks during a mission and I felt like I was suffocating. I don’t know how Ghost puts up with it all the time, I kept getting lint in my mouth when I talked… All the time girl, you know he even sleeps in that thing?” you asked rhetorically, a small smirk formed on his face. 

“Yeah he is… no we haven’t… obviously not by choice, i’d drop ‘em the second he’d ask,” you whispered while holding back a laugh. A mixture of agitation from you keeping him up and his hard on was making his heart race. Squinting his eyes and gripping the sheet trying to calm down. It wasn’t the first time he’s had these thoughts or feelings about you. Imagining you on all fours or slobbering and drooling for his cock. Tonight he was having a hard time keeping himself under control. 

“I guess that’s a good point, maybe Keegan or Soap are a little more you know… available,” you said, which made something in Ghost snap. 

He sat up on his bed, cracking his neck before standing up. You gasped at his sudden movement and pulled the blankets to cover your body. All you were wearing was an oversized tee-shirt and didn’t want him to catch you indisposed. His eyes were bloodshot from a lack of sleep and didn’t look happy. You muttered some excuse to your friend and hung up the phone. He ripped the blanket off your body, with such force it pulled up one of your nails slightly. Looking down at his sweat pants that were now tented. His shirt was folded up slightly, exposing his vine-line and happy trail. 

“Get on your knees.” He demanded, his voice raspy and low from sleep. You were frozen in place, shaking with anticipation and nervousness. He grabs you by the ankle and pulls your body towards the edge of the bed. Throwing it back on the ground before grabbing your throat just under your chin. 

“That’s the second time you’ve ignored me. I would love to show you what happens if it happens a third time but since it’s so sadistic I'll give you a warning,” he said, letting go of your neck and giving you the chance to comply. 

You slide off the bed and fall onto your knees, he huffed and squatted down to make eye contact. Reaching his hand down, you thought he was going to relieve the ache in your sex but instead he grabs the bottom of your shirt. Standing up and pulling the cotton up with him. Completely exposing your body to him, you start squirming and covering yourself. 

“For someone who’d drop their panties the minute I’d ask you’re acting so shy,” he said, slapping one of your breasts. You squealed a little too loud, he covered your mouth and nose. Beginning to panic once you realized you couldn’t breath as he spoke to you, 

“I’m gonna teach you the real purpose of your mouth since you can’t seem to shut the fuck up,” he said letting go, letting you catch your breath while he pulled his sweat pants down. 

He wasn’t wearing any boxers, so after clearing the waistband his cock snapped up against his happy trail. He steps closer and starts slapping your lips with his tip. Furrowing his eyebrows and letting his head fall back at the contact. You wrap your lips around him, swirling your tongue around him. Pulling your head back pressing wet kissing up and down his length. Licking the underside of his shaft from base to tip. He took this opportunity to shove himself down your throat. Gagging around him but slowly getting the hang of it. Bobbing your head up and down to meet his thrusts, looking up at him with watery eyes. He presses your mouth all the way up and down a couple times before pulling out. Smacking your face with his now wet and leaking cock. 

“Remember this the next time you don’t obey me,” he said, shoving himself back into your mouth. 

Moaning as he heard his balls slapping against your chin. Knowing that he was teaching you such a valuable lesson was driving him crazy. Taking out his frustration on you, violently rutting into your mouth. Black tears running down your face from your mascara; a mix of pre-cum and drool covering your mouth and nose. Holding your mouth down on the base of his cock while letting out a long dragged out groan. You were trying to fight back but his strength was too much. Ripping himself out of your mouth, gasping for air once he pulled out of your throat. Stroking himself off and climaxing onto your face. Hot, thick ropes of cum paint your face, he gripped your hair; holding you still in case you tried getting away. Letting go of his member once he was done, using his hand to smear some of the cum off your lips and into your mouth. 

“Let me know how things go with Soap and Keegan,” he chuckled and walked out for some fresh air, leaving you needy and dripping while you licked the cum off your lips.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Hello hello! How are you doing miss Raven?

Just read your toughts about book 7 chapter 12 part 1 (wow that's a mouthful) and am pretty happy you enjoyed it like i did! I totally agree with your critiques on it too, especially regarding the lack of in-depth analysis towards Cater. I feel like this was the perfect chance to delve into his character even if for a short while, but I guess the team had to limit themselves to a specific number of chapters, and decided to prioritise some things over the others.

Hopefully, when the novel of book 7 comes out(💀) we'll get more in-depth with each dream/characters. At least this is my guess after reading the first novel and snippets of the second, where I really enjoyed the extra details to the world and characters (ignoring the weird language translator spell that doesn't make any sense the more you look into it).

Buut we'll have to wait a long time for that, which I'm mostly fine with because I don't want a rushed product(though the wait is still a little painful😣)

On a side note, the Ace Attorney bit with the two Deuce idea is so genius I really wish it was real. Really put me in a mood to write it when I read it dndhejvd

Anyways! Sorry for the too long yap and wish you a good day/night!!

[You can read my full thoughts on the book 7 part 12 Cater and Deuce update here!]

Twst 2025 updates gonna be like book 7 chapter 20 part 34 section 56 paragraph 89 sentence 10 💀

Yeeeah, I feel like Cater's dream was relegated to being one of those "funny haha" dreams (*stares at Epel*) and didn't really examine his character in a new and/or meaningful way 😔 I'm not sure if there would be a satisfactory way for the devs to have us dream hopping to each of the casts' dreams without something being compromised, whether it be the pacing or the quality of the writing. Unfortunately, each character is only allotted so much time... so Cater wasn't able to have his character shine and we focused on some of the shallowest aspects of him, things we already know. You'd think that literally being in his dreamscape would reveal something... heftier (?) about him.

I don’t expect a full-on depresso Cater moment, but I’d at least have liked to have a little more than what we got. Like what if the OG Cater barging in at least acted a little more serious, or had glimpses of his “true” character peeking through? What if we got an actual explanation as to why Cater had his clone be his stand-in, like he was too emotionally out of it that day and needed time for himself?? What if OG Cater wore a normal Heartslabyul dorm uniform, indicating how he wants to be among the common people and be friends instead of the isolated ruler??? What if Cater wakes up because the Deuce imposter trial reminds him of his own inability to be “true” to himself??? We could have gotten WAY more.

LIGHT NOVEL, IT'S ON YOU TO SAVE THE DUMPSTER FIRE THAT IS THE TERRIBLE DREAM SEQUENCES 🤡 But even then, I have major concerns about the length of the book 7 light novel. They'd have to either cut each dream short to contain it all in a single volume OR extend it across multiple volumes in order to grant every dream the proper time and development they didn't get in the game. (I talk more about this topic here!) It sounds like a logistical nightmare no matter how you think about it... And yes, that translation spell makes no sense the longer you ponder it and it was not explained adequately-- Stay strong for the wait... (<- still has to finish reading the first volume of the light novel)

You have no idea how badly I want that double Deuce imposter trial to happen OTL IN FACT I WANNA DO MY OWN REWRITE (since I've actually written a Twst x Ace Attorney trial fic before!) TOO... Alas, holiday season is so busy + I have other things to write so if I do it at all, it might come out around the time the book 7 Heartslabyul update comes out in EN 😭

[potteresque-ire]

Happy Halloween! 👻 (Happy Birthday, Wei Wuxian!)

For this spooky evening, I'd like to present this spooky song named 《辜》 (Guilt, pronounced gu), one of the theme songs from Season 2 of 天官賜福 TGCF's audio drama. (Lyrics and some thoughts under the cut!)

Below is my attempt to translate the beautifully written (and eerie) lyrics, although I can't say I'm satisfied with my efforts this time. It bears strong roots in the Taoist (religious) tradition, which I'm not part of. The very last paragraph (the one that mentions a pardon) is from a prayer known as 往生咒 (The Rebirth Mantra; Buddhists have their own version), which believers chant to help lost spirits find their way to the next life. Hence, the change in tone. I hope though, that as music is universal, that even with the language barrier this song can successfully spook some of you. Oh, by the way, the vocal in the middle of the song (starting 2:27) is from an opera style known as 華陰老腔 (pronounced Huayin Laoquiang), which has been designated as an Intangible cultural heritage by UNESCO, and the performer 張喜民 Zhang Ximin is the heir of the style (kudos to the production team of the audio drama for inviting him!). Even though the origin of the style is far from where I've grown up, the lines from that paragraph: 善有善報，惡有惡報 不是不報，時辰未到 Good is retributed by good. Evil is retributed by evil. It’s not a lack of retribution. It’s the time of retribution has not yet come. is something I can recite, in my own dialect (Cantonese), since I was little. The way this song conveys this well-known message ~ one that I admit I don't / can't always believe in ~ is very powerful to me. It's one of the reasons why I've repeatedly spooked myself with this song this month! (And so, I'm also using this post to send a message to Voldie: yes, I remember what you did 43 years ago on this night. The time of retribution would come for you.) (No, I haven't forgotten my "birth fandom" (Harry Potter), which I do plan to revisit one day. 😊) Anyway, onto the lyrics!

《辜》 (Guilt) [0:14] 幽幽夜沉沉 語悄悄 The night is dark and heavy, its words quiet. 聽 何人行踽踽 登初宵 Listen ~ Who’s walking in solitude, ascending upon this evening? 遊魂野客喧囂 高門重府燭搖 Boisterous are the wandering souls, the unbridled guests. Flickering are the candles in the mansions, the palaces. 問旦福夕禍 世間知多少 Asking about the ever-changing fortunes and calamities, how much and how little this world knows about them.

[0:43] 忽而風起 似誰笑 良辰吉時到 The wind suddenly rises, as if someone laughs. The propitious hour has come. 幾��烹調歡宴 肉骨餵邪妖 不足飽 Some homes have cooked a feast, meat and bones to feed the wicked but can’t satiate. 他神色木然 既悲又喜 耳畔道 Wooden is his expression, both sad and happy, and by each ear, he utters words. 回頭 卻是惡言生寒 入髓竅 But when heads turn, the evil in the words grows into a chill and burrows into the marrow.

[1:34] 迷迷霧漫漫 哭渺渺 The mist dazes and lingers, its tears vague.  提 昏燈過長街 天不曉 Uplift ~ dim lanterns crossing the long streets, the sky that fails to dawn. 花腔滾板未消 惡鬼怨倀又告 Dissipating still are the coloraturas and percussions. Accusing once more are the wicked ghosts, resentful, 問天公愚聵 善惡何以報 Asking the gods, stupid and deaf, the retributions for the good and the evil. 

[2:00] 社鼓陣陣 金鐃厲 良辰吉時到 The temple drums beat. The golden cymbals clang. The propitious hour has come. 造化如命數 歡恨誰藉著 不相饒 Life’s blessings are like the accounts of destiny, transactions of joys and hatred are not forgiven. 他神色木然 似悟非悟 舉斧刀 Wooden is his expression, both knowing and ignorant, and his hatchet rises. 回頭 卻是青衣扶搖 登仙道 But when heads turn, rising is the commoner’s attire, ascending to the enlightened path.

[2:27 Vocal] 休將奸狡昧神祗，禍福如同逐影隨 Don’t use guile to deceive the gods, calamity and fortune follow like shadows. 善有善報，惡有惡報 Good is retributed by good. Evil is retributed by evil. 不是不報，時辰未到 It’s not a lack of retribution. It’s the time of retribution has not yet come.

[2:52 Chant] 斷足折顱 摧魄裂魂 Feet broken, skull snapped, Spirit broken, soul cracked, 手起刀落 血飛肉滾 Hands lifted, knives dropped, Blood spilled, flesh rolled, 剜心剔骨 解我悲忿 Heart hollowed, bones carved All to solve my sorrows and fury. 易除厄罰 難償苦恨 Easy it is to root out adversaries. Hard it is to compensate the bitter loathing. 斷足折顱 摧魄裂魂 Feet broken, skull snapped, Spirit broken, soul cracked, 有命還命 以待三更 A life for a life, to wait for midnight 諸罪來受戮 見鬼神 When crimes come for a slaughter, to greet their demons and gods.

[3:23 From 往生咒 The Rebirth Mantra] 有頭者超，無頭者升 鬼魅一切，四生沾恩 太上敕令，超汝孤魂 脫離苦海，轉世往生 Those who’ve kept their heads, transcend. Those who haven't, rise. All apparitions are marked with the blessings from life, The pardon from The Supreme transcends your wandering souls. To leave this bitter sea, to reincarnate and reborn.

[henrioo]

Hey man, if you're up for it, totally cool if you aren't and I hope you feel better soon♡ I know how it feels to be in that dysphoria, just remember you aren't alone.

Request wise, if they are open, definitely ignore if not or if you aren't in the right mindset or just mood in general to write. May I request a comfort hc with Ace, like they are cuddling and Ace gently caresses his boyfriend's top surgery scars, silently reaffirming his love and how he accepts him?

Either way have a lovely day/night/afternoon, whenever you receive this. ♡♡

°•*⁀➷ THE BEST PILLOW: ACE

꒰ SYNOPSIS ꒱ : "Sometimes you just need someone to remember how much you are loved and supported. Of course Ace, your boyfriend, is always ready to give you some of his love and appreciation besides a lot of support."

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ : TRANS MASC! READER, MALE READER, MALE PRONOUNS, top surgery, mastectomy surgery, mentions surgery scars, mentions about body dysphoria, mentions about growing up in a transphobic society with transphobic rules, non explicit mention of post surgery, pls tell me if I forgot something triggering

꒰ WC ꒱ : 1,4k

꒰ NOTES ꒱ : Do you still love me even if I take years to deliver your ask? Do you? Probably not but here it is, I loved this ask but I think I put too much context in the part of the top surgery of the reader and not too much comfort and affirmations. But still here, also all things about the readers feelings about the surgery are only my own feelings about my chest in general, so not everyone will identify with that. Also I don't have made the top surgery yet so I can't tell for sure how someone would feel, still hope you like.

You were organizing your closet in the room you shared with Ace, he was terrible with organization and would just throw his clothes in there, so you used to take a day or two to tidy everything up. Everything was peaceful until Ace opened the bedroom door abruptly, looking around until he fixed his gaze on you.

"You! Take! Off! Your! Shirt! Now!" He said, closing the door with a thud as he quickly walked towards you.

"What?!" You were confused and embarrassed, what was he wanting now?

"Let's go! Take off the shirt!" He huffed and growled like an angry dog as he tried to forcefully remove your shirt, completely lacking the patience to wait for you to do it yourself.

“Ace! What happened to you?!” You asked shyly as you tried to shield yourself from his attacks and keep your shirt on.

“I want to cuddle, it’s nicer to lay on your chest when you’re shirtless, your skin is warm” he said, looking at you with huge puppy eyes and a big beak.

You just sighed, damn cute boyfriend who made you give in to his every request.

“Right, right, you could have said that before trying to rip my shirt off without any explanation” you smile at your lover’s cuteness. Sometimes Ace really seemed like a puppy desperate for all your attention, always happy when you gave him love.

Ace just laughed, ignoring it and you knew he would do it again. You swore that if you stared at him a little longer, you'd be able to see his imaginary tail wagging. You took a deep breath as you took off your shirt, your scars were now completely healed and you could now do all the normal things, take sun, bathe with standard products instead of just neutral things, stop wearing the compression tops that were a type of bandage, besides of course, touch was now fully allowed as your skin is no longer healing or sensitive. You finally had the chest you always wanted, with all the sensations of a chest without breasts.

And even so, finally having the surgery of your dreams, having a chest that finally didn't give you dysphoria due to your breasts, a masculine chest, you were finally able to feel more secure and comfortable and call yourself a man, and even with all that, you couldn't be shirtless. Marco said it might take some time for you to get used to it, after all it was a big physical change and it might be strange waking up with a new body, but that wasn't the problem. You felt a kind of… shame, shyness, you couldn’t explain it.

In a way, it was strange that you were allowed to walk around shirtless without any strange looks. All your life, you've been forced to wear a shirt because you're a “woman” and women can't go around shirtless because they have boobs and blah blah. But now you not only identify as a man, but you also don't have those feminine boobs, now you have a chest like Ace, Marco and the other boys on the ship, no one would look at you strange because you're shirtless.

But it's easier said than done, and even though you know Moby Dick was a safe place, you're still too shy to come out of your shell. And of course your super boyfriend was doing his best to make you feel more comfortable in your own skin, so some days he would lock you in your room and leave you shirtless. Most days, he would just end up sleeping and drooling on your bare chest. But even if it was just that, it was already making you feel more normal about yourself.

Once you were finally shirtless, you reflexively moved to cover yourself, but then decided to take a deep breath and fight it. You were a man and you didn't need to be ashamed of your body, not then, not now. So, you just calmed down and turned to Ace, who was staring at you with glassy, shining eyes like he saw treasure and… he was drooling?!

“Ace?” You asked, trying to snap the man out of his trance.

“Wow… I know I've seen you like this before, but every time I see you it's just… wow…” he said, swallowing deeply as his cheeks flushed. “So, pretty boy, do you have a boyfriend?” Ace said, waggling his eyebrows with a smirk that made you roll your eyes.

“I do and he’s a pervert” you said, huffing in fake anger as you threw your shirt in his face.

"Hey! I'm not a pervert!" He chuckled, getting rid of the fabric you threw at him. “It's not my fault if you hide all your hotness to yourself! You should look like me, completely shirtless, so I can enjoy your seductive body whenever I want!” He said, crossing his arms completely firm with his argument.

“Of course, and then, just like I put up with all those women and men hitting on you just because you're shirtless, you'd also have to put up with everyone hitting on me, what do you think?” You said, smirking as you sat on the edge of the bed. Ace wasn't possessive by any means, but he was very insecure and that made him very jealous. He was afraid you'd find someone better and abandon him.

“You know what, you don’t look so bad in a shirt” he said, already regretting the idea of showing you off like that to so many people.

“That’s what I thought” You laughed at him, seeing how annoyed he had been at the idea.

Soon, Ace perked up again and ran towards you. So, you quickly adjusted yourself on the bed so you were half lying, half standing, and spread your legs so he could lay on top of you more comfortably.

“Now like this, living in paradise” he sighed when he finally laid his head on your chest. He wrapped his arms around your waist without making you uncomfortable, but still managing to hold you. “So warm and soft.”

“You look like a puppy sometimes…” you laughed as you started stroking his black hair, giving him the cuddle he loved so much.

“Just for you…” Ace smiled, rubbing his face against your skin, as if he somehow wanted to absorb all of your scent and body heat.

You stayed like that for a while, just you stroking Ace's black hair and him lying peacefully on your chest. Then, he positioned himself so that he was lying further to the side, having a view of half of your chest. His hand released you and began to caress your scars, they were almost invisible due to Marco's power, but they were still there in a slightly different tone than your skin.

“You know… I kind of like them” he said and you were confused, did he like your scars?

"Why?" You asked.

“I don't know exactly... It's just... It reminds me how strong you are, how determined... You fought a battle that I don't think I'd ever be able to handle” he sighed, gently touching the marks. “You are just incredible, an incredible man.”

“It’s just… scars” you said, a little shy that he was being so genuine about it, he truly loved every part of you. Even the ones where you were insecure.

“No… They’re proof of how awesome you are” he said, looking at you with a mischievous smile. “They just prove how incredible you are, you are an incredible man” he smiled and kissed your scar. “I'm sure you're more of a man than all the men in Moby Dick!” His boyfriend said with conviction.

“Even more than pops?” You laughed knowing Ace would defend his father to the death.

"Hmm... Well... You're manly enough" Ace said, embarrassed for not being able to admit that he was your father's number one fan. As much as he loved you, he couldn't stop being a fanboy. “But you are more of a man than me! That’s enough, right?”

"What?" You laughed, thinking he was a total idiot. “Okay, I’ll be the man in the relationship and you my princess, okay?”

“But of course, did you have any doubts that I was the princess?” He asked, pretending to be offended and all you could do was laugh.

You sighed, relaxing on the bed. Maybe it wasn't today that you would go out shirtless and show the world that you were proud of who you were... but as long as you had the support of your family and especially your boyfriend, you knew you were capable of facing any battle. You were a man and everyone, including you, knew it, and that was more than enough for you.

[nenelonomh]

how to create routines (and the benefit of good routines)

let's start with this: what is a routine?

a routine is a set of behaviors that are regularly followed, without much thought or planning. it is a habitual way of doing things that becomes ingrained over time. routines are less structured and more adaptable since they focus on the order in which tasks are done, rather than the specific timing.

routines are consistently mistaken to be the same thing as a schedule, except a schedule is a planned outline of tasks/events that are completed at specific times. essentially, routines focus on establishing consistency and habit whereas schedules are about precise time management and task prioritisation. both have their purposes and benefits--routines are typically better for an effective wake-up or bedtime.

here's some steps to help create better routines:

set clear goals define what you would like to achieve with your routine. maximising productivity? improving health? learning more?

start small begin with small, manageable habits that you can consistently perform and add to these over time.

focus on consistency try to perform your routine at the same time every day and establish it as a habit.

plan for obstacles just because routines require significantly less planning than schedules does not mean that all planning is ignored. think about what may derail your routine and plan ways to overcome these challenges.

track your progress tracking your progress can provide accountability and motivation. for me, once a month i sit down and write my current routine (morning; night) and compare it to my desired routine (morning; night). then i try to close the gaps. other ways to track your progress include keeping a journal or tracking in an app.

be flexible life is unpredictable. be prepared to adjust your routine as needed while staying focused on your goals.

reward yourself celebrate your successes, no matter if they seem small. this is essential as it helps to maintain motivation, and cement your identity as someone who values their routine.

but joanne, what are some good habits to start with?

don't worry! i got you.

☆ wake up early. this helps prevent stressors of time, and gives you the ability to add more things to your morning routine.

☆ exercise. i will forever preach exercise. a quick session can boost your metabolism, focus and mood.

☆ positive affirmations positive affirmations boost your mindset and confidence and will help so much in the long run.

☆ make your bed in the morning so many people don't make their bed in the morning, and i seriously don't understand why. it makes you feel more put together and is a small task that accomplishing can set you up for a day of wins (compounding).

☆ healthy eating opt for nutritious, healthy meals over quick and easy foods that lack to improve daily performance and focus. if you're looking to be more healthy through routine, this is huge change to make-- even if you just start with one homemade meal a day.

☆ spend some time in the sunlight spending time outside (and in the sun, if the weather allows) is a massive mood booster and will improve your entire day. lots of us need the break from screens, so having a mindful sit or walk outside is the perfect habit (morning, throughout the day or in the afternoon).

further reading:

firstly, atomic habits by james clear is THE BEST habit book out there. it provides a step by step on how to create new, good habits and maintain them and also instruction on how to stop bad habits.

the seven habits of highly effective people, by stephen r. covey is another AMAZING nonfiction work that focuses on changing your mindset and views to change your habits.

here's a website link with more of the best books about building habits and structures: click here

i hope today's post is helpful,, if you know any more resources, let me know so that i can create a giant post of self-education on routines, habits and structures.

(images are from pinterest)

[magnoliaroad]

4 Seasons Back Yard Remodel + Crystal Yard

My 4 seasons remodels of the Petz 5 Back Yard are now available for download! And because I went on a bit of a side-quest, I’ve also made a bonus version, a fantasy, crystal back yard!

You can read my creator's notes below:

I somewhat wonder if it's fair to criticize the original Petz 5 playscenes too harshly. It's possible that the development team faced tight deadlines or budget constraints, factors that may not have been entirely within their control. However, regardless of the circumstances, the end result was a disappointingly sloppy product, and it's difficult to ignore some of the glaring flaws. While I can understand that the developers were working with dated software, there are certain flaws that can't be attributed to software limitations. Rather, they seem to reflect a clear lack of attention to detail. Here's what I mean.

The more you look at it, the harder it is to decide which flaw is the worst. The blatant MS paint spray paint "touch-up" in the upper left, that there was no effort put into blending in the skybox, or that they neglected to add textures to the roof.

Alright, enough ranting there. None of this is to say my playscenes are perfect either, but they were a labor of love and I hope that this is evident in the final results.

SPRING

I smoothed out the grass texture to give it a more velvety, manicured lawn appearance. I brightened up the dingy looking fence to a more brighter white. The original playscene had a hole in the fence, and while it might add "character", I opted to cover over it for a more polished look. I added bushes behind the fence to cover up the skybox and to conceal the bottom of the houses.

Speaking of houses. Wow these needed a big work-up. The texture work (or lack of) on these is just bad. I'm no expert in house construction, but even mostly-brick houses will have some accents like trims to break up the monotony of a fully-brick façade.

Because of how fuzzy the brick texture is in the original, I drew in the mortar lines of the bricks to enhance the texture. I added roof shingles, siding, and trim boards to the house to make it look more like a typical suburban house. Despite these edits, it's still not a "great" house - the way it looks through the windows, it looks like the house is one room lol. I wish I could put better houses in the backdrop but because Tinker doesn't allow me to edit the animated blinds, I'm constrained to keeping them the shape that they are. Oh well. We can use our imagination.

I added landscaping rocks to make the flower bed look nicer. I also added some landscaping details like bushes, garden lights, and string lights for ambiance.

[ Enlarged picture of the garden light I made ]

I also worked to improve the skyboxes in all 4 seasons of the of the Back Yard playscenes. It would be lengthy to get into the details of all that but here's a before and after of the night skybox. You got to love them high-quality MS paint stars in the original.

SUMMER

I had a hard time with the summer one because it was hard to come up with ways to make it look different from the spring version. I did make the grass, bushes, and tree leaves slightly more vibrant. Originally I had some flowers by the bushes but I just wasn't really happy with them. At the last minute, I made the decision to remove them entirely. This makes the playscene a little more "plain" but I think some people may want a more "plain", undecorated version so that they can dress it up how they want with toyz.

FALL

Fall is my favorite season, so this was a joy to make. I toned down the color of the grass and added fall landscaping motifs. Recoloring the tree's leaves was done by using Photoshop's gradient map feature. If time permits, I may do a tutorial on this in the future.

Gradient mapping is a powerful tool for recoloring almost anything. It can give way better results than methods such as hue/saturation, replace color, etc. And thanks to photoshop actions, applying this recolor to all the animation frames took just a couple of minutes.

Unfortunately, the fall leaves look "bright" in the nighttime version of the playscene. There does not seem to be a way to implement a darker version of these leaves for the nighttime playscene. If you look at the sprites in Tinker, you'll see that there are two sets of animations for Leaves A, B, and C and they're labeled "PropsAd" and "PropsAn", which would lead you to think that the developers originally intended for there to be a set of leaves for the day time, and a darker set for the night time. I guess the developers scrapped this idea because this does not work in the actual gameplay. When I experimented with this, the game appears to randomly display the nighttime sprite even during the day time, effectively ruining the intended affect. I'm not sure why the developers scrapped this. Either they had issues coding this properly or were just didn't want to put in the effort to make two sets of leaves.

WINTER

Instead of doing recolored leaves for this scene, I made all the leaves transparent and added holiday lighting to the tree. I know the lights aren't perfect - it was kind of hard to make out which direction a branch was going, so it has hard to maintain 'perfect' perspective.

CRYSTAL YARD

This is a bonus playscene that I made because I got a little side-tracked as I was working on the 4 seasons back yards. This is inspired by the Suramar zone from World of Warcraft, so it has a bit of that fantasy, night-elf feel and color scheme. It's been years since I've played WoW but I still appreciate the enchanting aesthetic of the elven zones.

I used gradient mapping again to recolor the leaves to give it this lavender, shimmery, iridescent look. I did a little bit of gaussian blurring and layer effects to make them look a little more "glowy" than the originals.

As before, Tinker won't let me edit the blinds, so it limited what edits I could do to the houses. I would love it if I could have done curtains instead or something. I did my best to make these houses look a little less suburban and more elven. It's not perfect but it was rough working with what I had.

KNOWN ISSUES / THINGS I COULDN'T EDIT

As far as I'm aware, there is no way to turn off the snow effect for seasons like summer where it wouldn't make sense. This probably involves some code-editing that is beyond my technical skillset.

The winter playscene still has the green grass footprint when your petz walk. The sprites for these are not housed within the .env itself but in the Petz 5 Rez.dll file. It would probably involve a bit of tweaking in the code to switch the sprites to something else.

The fall leaves are "bright" in the night time version because there is no way to implement a second, darker set of leaves.

I cannot edit the blinds animation. Tinker gives you an error when you try to edit this sprite. This unfortunately limits what edits I can make to the house and the fence because of where the sprite is positioned.

If anyone does know of solutions to these, do let me know as I'd love to enhance these scenes further!

ICONS

Making the icons for these was also a fun little project. For some odd reason though, the game puts a stray pixel over them when I import them through LnzPro. I did my best to disguise them but there does not seem to be a way to fix that.

BEFORE / AFTER

With all that rambling out of the way, visit my main page over at Magnolia Road > Resources > Playscenes to download the goodies!

[the-mighty-mittens]

Incorrect end roll quotes yippee

Gardenia: I dare you-

Yumi: Russell is not allowed to accept dares anymore.

Gardenia: Why not?

Russell: "I have no regard for my own or others personal safety", as some would say.

Russell: Thanks for pulling the fire alarm, you saved me from giving an oral report about The Scarlet Web.

Gardenia: You were too lazy to read the book?!

Russell: I was too lazy to watch the movie.

Cody: So I can either do something dumb that could very well get me injured or I can listen to Dogma and not do the thing,

Cody: Well there’s a clear right answer here.

Cody: *proceeds to throw five packs of mentos into a barrel full of diet coke*

Tabasa: You're ignoring all your problems.

Russell: I know.

Tabasa: You also know it's an unhealthy coping mechanism?

Russell: I'm ignoring that fact as well.

Tabasa:

Cody: Who the fuck-

Dogma: Language!

Cody: Whom the fuck-

Dogma: No.

Informant: *slams books down in front of Russell*

Informant: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It’s gonna be a long night.

Russell: You could of said literally anything else.

Informant: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Russell: I’m going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won’t win. I realize this now.

Russell, playing a video game: How do I play?

*Russell has drawn first blood!*

*Russell is on a killing spree!*

*Russell is on a rampage!*

*Russell is unstoppable!*

*Russell is dominating!*

*Russell is godlike!*

Russell: Don’t worry guys, I figured it out.

Chris, holding in their laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Russell: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.

Chris:

Chris: Water you doing?

Chris: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!

Chris: *sprays hairspray in their mouth*

Chris: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

Chris: So I got this amazing plan!

Russell: We fail almost every time you say that.

Chris: Well this is the same! But with a hamster involved.

Chris: What do you have?

Russell: A KNIFE!

Chris: NO!

Chris: Life is like Russell. It's short.

Chris: I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me first.

Russell: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a funny story and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

Russell: I’ve been described as a ‘heartless villain’ and a 'little shit’, but I prefer… 'has alternative ways of having fun’. (Note: Russell... No)

Russell: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve! (Note: I already did this joke but here it is again)

Gardenia: You look mentally ill.

Russell: I am. Let’s go.

Russell: Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my actions.

Dogma: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco.

Gardenia: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy.

Kantera: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance.

Russell: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons.

Cody: Did you have to stab them?

Russell: You weren’t there. You didn’t hear what they said to me.

Cody: What did they say?

Russell: "What are you going to do, stab me?"

Cody: That’s fair.

Kantera: What's wrong with you?

Russell: Off the top of my head, I'd say low self-esteem, a lack of paternal affection, and a genetic predisposition for anxiety and depression.

Gardenia: iuegrukfhoeuhfeoruhf

Dogma: What is that?

Gardenia: it’s a keyboard smash

Dogma: How do I do it?

Gardenia: just press anything

Dogma: 7

Gardenia: Seriously, Russell, how many people would you have killed if we’d asked you to?

Russell: That’s not important

Gardenia: I DISAGREE.

Cody: Russell, what do you have?

Russell: A KNIFE!

Cody: Okay, have fu-

Yumi: NO!

Cody: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.

Cody: Fruits that do live up to their names?

Cody: Orange.

[adultswim2021]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force #89: “Rabbot Redux” | February 8, 2010 - 12:00AM | S08E02

Happy Space Ghost day, everyone! 30 dang years with our great guy. Wow! Seems like as good a day as any to start this shit up again. To the small-yet-still-dwindling number of people who read my shit: Hi! Real life is having it’s way with me right now, so please know I’m instituting a hard-and-fast “will update when I feel like it” rule to this thing for the right-now. So, please don't expect this to be a nightly blog. It'll be more like a "nighty" blog, as in "nighty-night", because it will be angelically and perfectly asleep most of the time. Thank you. 

It’s Rabbot Redux: a fairly unnecessary explanation for what happened directly after the events of the live-action episode. It turns out the Aqua Teens drove their moving van two doors down, to the other house next to Carl’s. Not a lot happens; Neil unpacks while Rick and Vivian fight over which room is theirs. Shake immediately claims the bathroom, not realizing it’s a bathroom. Meatwad gets a luxurious room with a salad bar and a harem.

Eventually Rabbot (from before) shows up with a housewarming gift. He then crushes the Aqua Teens’ house, forcing them to go back to the old house. Schooly D shows up and sings a new theme song (which is also used over the opening sequence). This one calls back a lot of stuff from Rabbot, like Carl working out of the home, and “dancing is forbidden”.

This one isn’t especially groundbreaking, and it’s a little puzzling that they felt the need to write themselves out of that "hole". Normally they’d just ignore stuff like that and relish the show's lack of continuity. Not only did they air an episode between the two episodes (a Christmas special), but they also put it on DVD with multiple episodes between this and the Live-Action episode; I’m guessing in some production order or something. It's striking how little these guys care, sometimes. It's weird to see them dutifully tie up a thread.

This one is fairly funny, though. There’s nothing egregiously bad in it. The biggest smile I did was the part when Shake started berating Frylock about sucking his stuff. Shake is a nasty guy who says rude stuff :)

EPHEMERA CORNER

FOX on Adult Swim bump (January 11, 2010)

Hey, here's something fun and--what luck! I am telling you about it: At this time, Adult Swim was airing episodes of Family Guy shortly after they premiered on Fox, and they had a significant viewership on both channels. In the episode "Big Man on Hippocampus", they aired a fake Adult Swim bumper (intended to mess with Fox watchers) as they went to commercial, making a joke about confusing their viewers into which network they were watching. When the episode aired on Adult Swim, they followed it up with a Fox-style promo instead of their normal bumper. Fun fact: I once spoke to somebody who was writing on an Adult Swim show and they entertained the idea of doing a fake Adult Swim bumper, and asked me if any other shows had done that. I told them "even Family Guy has" because I happened to catch this bit. Took the wind out of those sails.

MAIL BAG

oh wow she's straight-up married to the mindless self indulgence guy. woof

LOL

Hello Mister Swim! What if I called you Mister Swim all the time, like you were Mr. Moviefone? Would that be a treat?

Yeah, it would be a nice treat. Thank you for being so nice to me.

[pilferingapples]

LM 1.1.10

mortal forms are horrible and limiting and I'm not gonna bother trying to catch up--I've said absurd amounts about all these chapters before anyway-- but I wanted to mark a couple things on this one (my favorite Myriel chapter!!) if only for myself!

So long as there shall exist, by virtue of law and custom, decrees of damnation pronounced by society, artificially creating hells amid the civilization of earth, and adding the element of human fate to divine destiny; so long as the three great problems of the century—the degradation of man through pauperism, the corruption of woman through hunger, the crippling of children through lack of light—are unsolved; so long as social asphyxia is possible in any part of the world;—in other words, and with a still wider significance, so long as ignorance and poverty exist on earth, books of the nature of Les Misérables cannot fail to be of use.

I voted the end of the tyrant, that is to say, the end of prostitution for woman, the end of slavery for man, the end of night for the child. In voting for the Republic, I voted for that. I voted for fraternity, concord, the dawn. I have aided in the overthrow of prejudices and errors. The crumbling away of prejudices and errors causes light. We have caused the fall of the old world, and the old world, that vase of miseries, has become, through its upsetting upon the human race, an urn of joy."

gee I wonder how Hugo feels about the republic. if only this book had any political opinions. /s

(if you're New Here and haven't seen the many terrible opinions about how Les Mis is Not About Politics well. I envy you.)

The other thing I kept thinking about while reading this chapter this time around is this passage from The Siecle (bolding mine):

...the Restoration was actually not a bad time to be a peasant farmer — compared to the recent past. From the 1780s to the 1820s, French life expectancy soared by about a decade — from about 28 years before the Revolution to about 39 years after it. The stunted peasants of the Restoration were still taller on average than their fathers had been. The improvement is a direct result of the Revolution, which removed the old “feudal dues” by which most peasants, even those who owned their own land, had to turn over significant shares of their harvest to their local lord. In much of France, feudal dues amounted to around 20 percent of the harvest. Now, peasants had a bigger surplus, some of which they ate and some they used to diversify from wheat into more profitable forms of agriculture, like grapes or cattle

I feel like even those of us who speak up against the Thermidorian or reactionary readings of the FRev don't spend enough time talking about how it improved people's lives, not on a theoretical or conceptual way, but in a practical, lives-and-comfort way. So LOOK AT THAT. An extra eleven years on an average lifespan that hadn't even been three decades long (and that almost certainly is translating into a massive reduction in child death, specifically , given how child mortality weighed on those averages). And an extra twenty percent of their own production to some of the poorest people in the country. When G talks about the Revolution creating happiness, he's not just talking about Cool Ideas in an abstract. And when the monarchists we'll run into through the book lament the loss of the Good Old Days , they are--consciously or unconsciously-- lamenting those shorter lives, those greater odds of starvation.

(and all of this isn't even touching on the legal advances for marginalized people made during the Republic and then rolled back by subsequent governments, but that's for another day...)

ok Past Here Be Spoilers, and also it's mostly just me flailing about foreshadowing/parallels

Man should be governed only by science."

"And conscience," added the Bishop.

"It is the same thing. Conscience is the quantity of innate science which we have within us.

this is a fascinating line to me always?? That when Hugo says science, he's talking about something that doesn't just need to be guided by morality, but something that is morality; Conscience is Science! It's not like the idea of science as amoral and potentially destructive is a brand new concept we only got in the 20C; Frankenstein came out in 1818! But Hugo's version of science seems to be an understanding of/connection to the Infinite. (also: aaaaah about how much this is foreshadowing later characters/events. AAAAAH!!!)

You may say troubled joy, and to-day, after that fatal return of the past, which is called 1814, joy which has disappeared!

OK I get that 1814 is, in practical terms, when the monarchy was restored (fatal return of the past) ; and in terms of Being A Bad Time For France, was the year that the rest of Europe more or less occupied them for a while. Still it's interesting that G seems to see only the monarchy as undoing the Republic, and not the Empire. And I wonder if that was really what Hugo thought, or if this is a bit of political maneuvering-- saving the Napoleon I callouts for later, when they're less likely to get read?

"You have demolished. It may be of use to demolish, but I distrust a demolition complicated with wrath."

"Right has its wrath, Bishop; and the wrath of right is an element of progress. "

AAAAH SO MUCH FORESHADOWING (but also man I feel like there's a point here about the usefulness of anger directed the right way that would do some characters here a world of good, if they could hear it.)

 I have done my duty according to my powers, and all the good that I was able. After which, I was hunted down, pursued, persecuted, blackened, jeered at, scorned, cursed, proscribed. For many years past, I with my white hair have been conscious that many people think they have the right to despise me; to the poor ignorant masses I present the visage of one damned. And I accept this isolation of hatred, without hating any one myself.

waaaah

I have been first, the most wretched of men, and then the most unhappy, and I have traversed sixty years of life on my knees, I have suffered everything that man can suffer, I have grown old without having been young, I have lived without a family, without relatives, without friends, without life, without children, I have left my blood on every stone, on every bramble, on every mile-post, along every wall, I have been gentle, though others have been hard to me, and kind, although others have been malicious, I have become an honest man once more, in spite of everything, I have repented of the evil that I have done and have forgiven the evil that has been done to me

aaaaaaaaa

[originemesis]

@lucifertxt cont. from xxx

The fallen angel lowered his hand as he watched Adam get up and finally accept for one night. Good news, at least he got him into his castle for a day. He supposed he would let him go if he wanted to get away from him so badly. He did not blame him either, he could not help but feel guilty.

After a slight sigh, Lucifer waited for Adam to come in before he went through as well and closed the door. The gate was going to be a mess from the angelic blood, condoms, and any other foul liquid on the floor. Nothing new to the king of hell, who had been watching sinners rejoice in their own shit for so long.

❝ One night it is! But are you sure you want to be only near the door? I think you should shower. But because you're a stubborn idiot, let me tell you where is everything. ❞ After making his cane disappear, he started pointing down the corridors. ❝ The first door leads to a living room. The second door is an art area, you can ignore it. Then you have the bathroom. There is a large bathtub, what it lacks is towels. But don't worry, I'll prepare some clean clothes and towels for you. ❞

After telling him that, he started walking. ❝ On the left side you have the kitchen in case you get hungry. And up the stairs are the bedrooms, another bathroom, an instrument room and my work area. I know you've said you're not interested in going into the place, but if you get curious, you can take a look. ❞ He looked at him for a moment and waved. ❝ You heard? Alright, I'll be right back then. ❞

Not much after, Lucifer disappeared. Maybe he went for those towels he said. He did not even let him deny anything of what he said, the man was being genuinely kind to him.

It's the sound of the door clicking shut behind him that gave him a broody pause, and after lowering his head, he'd peek around the pit of his arm for confirmation. Though he supposed being closed in to the devil's house was a tad worse than being shut out of the garden all that time ago, he noted that he was at the very least not on fire...yet. Such were the blessings he supposed he'd encounter here. His gaze eventually returned to the foyer's path ahead, but was met with the first fallen cutting paths across the way.

Annnnnd- he was already running his mouth. Fucking perfect.

If there was any indication Adam understood half of what he was on about through the haze of blood loss, it was indicated with a slow, somewhat irate of a blink. It was in such a delayed response that had Lucifer there one moment and poofed off to wherever in the hell he'd gone that Adam issued a wet cough. "-bro runs mouth like sluts to this dick slaughter." In other words: too fast.

He really did just want to slump down where he was and continue his petty power nap, but he'd very likely just lay there in his filth and fury without Lute around to get him on some sort of a productive schedule. Not that there was anything to be productive about in literal hell. You were supposed to suffer in your filth and fury. And be on fire. With the latter still not true, he relented a sigh of sorts in line with how a goose might exhale before he slugged his way further down the first of the conjoining hallways.

An attempt to escape his tent of robes while the bath filled was doomed at the point he had to try and maneuver the impressive span of his remaining wing out of its holster. His flock usually helped him as it was a nightmare getting both wild and prone to flapping appendages free of his outer layer, but even one proved difficult alone. Particularly when he didn't really want to be doing anything and when he noticed the robe had come off one shoulder with little resistance. A gnawed off stub with few remaining frazzled feathers sat sadly exposed when he gave up the attempt at disrobing and sat huddled up against the side of the tub, squeezing his knees under puddled robe ends.

Eventually, via some hesitant rocking, he shifted forwards enough, head bowed, and left his head under the sizeable faucet while he stewed in place.

[drowning-inmysleep]

love me while I leave. my persona yours to keep

“Maybe someday your 'maker' will come…haul you away, take you apart, and announce the recall of a defective product. What if all that's left of the 'real you' is just a couple of lonely brain cells, huh?”

[edit: 9.26.23] this has since been edited and updated a month post initial release, edits will be notated in red, feel free to skip them to read the original writing. [/] August 20th, 2023 I played my last show in a town (Austin, Texas) I moved to to be with my at the time girlfriend. We're separating now, as I'm returning home (Saint Louis, Missouri), the place I left behind. During my stay in Texas I had a hard time making friends, though that's not to say they weren't readily available. I intentionally avoided making them, partially because I was afraid of leaving them behind if anything were to change and call me back home. I have a crew of friends (Materia) in Saint Louis - the best I've ever had. When I moved, I wanted to take a leap and leave the place I'd spent my entire life, and try to fix my relationship by moving closer to them.

Leaving behind those who loved me so much was something that affected me in a way I wouldn't understand until much later. Saint Louis is one of the top rated most violent cities in the United States. Growing up there I normalized a lot of the things I saw and a lot of the trauma I gained from being in that environment. It's shaped me as a person, both good and bad. I got good at existing there, as I spent most of my teenage years in the inner city going to DIY shows.

Most of the shows were Emo / Screamo revival, and eventually that's where I started as a musician. I think Emo / Screamo music is so prevalent in the Midwest because the Midwest is a comfortable but at times very bleak and sad landscape. In the city you can see someone get murdered in front of you, and in the plains farmer's kill themselves because the world moved on without them. The veracity and unrelenting emotional outpour of these genres is some sort of ancestral representation of growing up somewhere like that. Paired with the ignorant approach to song writing / sound engineering, it represents the lack of educational opportunities whether it be due to generational financial issues or dismal public schools, paired with familial trauma from living here. It's pure.

I always dreamed of being a musician as a child, if anything it's the only dream I ever had. Once I started working on my solo project, I was having a hard time being booked in Saint Louis since there wasn't a scene for the music I made. So - I decided to make one for myself. That's how Materia came to be. I wanted to bring as many different people together as possible, so we formed the crew in a way that each member represented a different aspect of the Saint Louis music / night life community. Our first shows were in peoples basements, or shitty bars in the bad parts of town. Just like the DIY shows I started out in when I was 19. Over time Materia got big enough to where I finally became recognized as my solo project in my own city, but by the time it took hold I fear I was too jaded to appreciate it. Before Materia, I had been playing shows all over the country, and was recognized globally for what I made and what I was involved in. Even with that being said, playing shows out in places like LA and NYC revealed a dark reality to the dream I had. That reality being that even if you do blow up, the lifestyle of being a internationally recognized musician doesn't create a long-term sustainable lifestyle. What it can / inevitably will create, is a perception of you others hold based on your art and performance of it. At first it felt really cool to have people think I'm a celebrity of sorts, that I am the dark persona I portray in my music. Over time it felt less and less genuine, that being others opinions of me. As I got bigger I built up a slow poison of being paranoid people only saw me for my plays on soundcloud, follower count, or pre packaged brand I created for myself. Eventually that paranoia showed itself as not just being paranoia, it was partially true. A lot of the music and art I make is representative of the difficulty I've endured mentally. I spent most of my childhood/teen years disassociating and hiding away in MMORPGs. I felt more able to genuinely express myself in these digital worlds. In the real world I was being made fun of for looking like a girl, and being forced to fight others to just be left alone. I had to survive, and eventually I started fighting myself. I tried to kill myself multiple times.

These experiences alienated me in a way that my friends that did experience my breakdowns eventually distanced themselves from me, and I don't blame them for it. It's a lonely feeling. I try to replicate that in music, both that feeling of yearning for lost times / feelings of comfort felt in a video game, while knowing that those times are gone and they weren't that good of escape to begin with and - the feeling of knowing the damage you've caused. I can't listen to a lot of the music I've made in the past because it hurts too much, it's like reading a suicide note from a failed attempt. Jumping back to me now, a 28 year old DnB / Trance musician, I am pretty consistently swarmed with people praising and celebrating me. On one hand I really appreciate it, on the other it is the actualization of the paranoia mentioned above. My fans enjoy my music because what they earn from it, they have no idea what I was going through when I made it. I've been told I've helped people going through similar things that I went through as a teenager, and I love that. Last night at my final show in Texas, a genuine fan of mine expressed that I was a good example for them to follow as a trans woman. This is the case in which that paranoia I mentioned is not true.

As I had a hard time making friends in Texas, I also had a hard time getting booked or respected for who I am as an artist. Even though I'm arguably one of the biggest contemporary electronic artists in this city, a city in which there's so many shows it's oversaturated, I was hardly ever booked. This is similarly due to why I did not have friends, as I didn't want to have to put the work in again. I felt like I didn't need to, and that's my fault.

The show we threw last night in Texas was with my crew of people gathered semi randomly through hilariously unplanned circumstances. This crew is called Unreal.

Two months ago, someone on instagram hit me up and told me they had a generator, asked if I wanted to do a show. Through my jaded eyes I almost laughed at the idea, like sure, lets try and throw a show in 2 days. That person became one of my best friends almost immediately. It's like we were meant to of always known eachother. [edit.9.26.23] This friend has gone on to completely isolate themselves from me along with my ex, as they started to hangout only two days after I left. I guess that paranoia mentioned above bleeds into more than just fans right? These are two more people that proved to me they loved me for the caricature presented in my music more than the person I am in real life.

I will do my best to not let this further validate my paranoia of getting close with anyone who know me only as Manapool. [/] I grabbed a friend from a failed show in Texas, my girlfriend and lastly another who arguably was the only friend I had during the almost year I lived here. The first show was a success and we decided to do it again when my girlfriend returned from her trip to Europe. Last night was that show. I'd been working on a album that represented the dark place I'd been in for the past few months, mainly stemming from preparing to leave my partner. This project is called Mana no Uta, or The Song of Mana. While a genuine portrayal of the dark place I'd been in, it was also my attempt of taking a semi ironic genre (Nightcore) and making it painfully authentic. Nightcore is a genre that mainly takes pop songs and speeds them up, with the lyrics usually being romantic or broken hearted in subject manner.

Every now and then I come across a Nightcore version of a song that hits in a much more graphic way than it's origin. I have attempted to bottle that lightning into six songs, pushing their Maker to their nightmarish limit. In a way this circles back to my taste for being punishingly nostalgic. To me, real art not only moves you but haunts you. [edit: 9.26.23] While I genuinely loved my partner, this year I had spent living with them ended up doing an immense amount of psychological damage. I'm doing my best not to write about her in a negative light, but I consistently felt neglected. I wanted things to work, all in all that's why I sacrificed the life I had in Saint Louis in the first place. That feeling of neglection and failure to recognize the effort and love I'd given led to deep rooted feelings of resentment. Eventually this resentment bled into my perception of self, and in a way it poisoned me. I felt guilty for being unable to rid myself of these, regardless, I was constantly in a state of accepted defeat paired with anger at myself for leaving Saint Louis behind just to end up unhappy.

These feelings are what I wanted to represent in this album. Isolation paired with wishing you could salvage the love you have for someone while knowing it's already too deep.

It's part of you. I often felt sick. [/] I wanted people to feel sick listening to it, like you're at the club and you took too much ketamine but you can't go home. Or you're about to play a set but in a fight with your girlfriend. Everyone around you is having so much fun but you're not and you won't. Both the ketamine example and the ladder are things I've experienced in achieving the dream mentioned above. I don't want people to relate to this album. I want it to hurt them. Last night, I played the album in it's entirety as a parting gift to fans like the ones that said such sweet things to me last night. Me and my (now) ex-girlfriend got into a fight on the way to the show. It went over very well, and by the time the live performance phase of my set (Mana No Uta) was over, I began to cry as I transitioned into djing for the last portion of my set. I finished the set and tried to escape to go clear my head. On the way out someone gave me ketamine, I took some and went outside to be alone and get myself together after performing my most emotional piece yet. I wasn't really able to decompress, I kept thinking about how I'd be moving away from here and leaving everyone behind. As this is happening, I'm getting swarmed by people telling me they loved my set, complimenting me, celebrating me. I appreciated it but I wanted to be left alone. Performing that album felt like a instance of public self harm. I was literally going through what I wanted the album to represent. I was the character I created in the screenplay I wrote.

As the night ended the sadness I felt for leaving these new friends and my girlfriend overtook me. It scared me. I'm scared right now. But the worst part is it felt familiar. It felt exactly like leaving Saint Louis. These people will never leave my life permanently, but i'm leaving them behind. [edit: 9.26.23] I will most likely never engage with my ex-partner nor the friend mentioned in the last edit ever again. [/] To reiterate, as I'm realizing this and being consumed by it (at the show) people are coming up to me celebrating me. They're telling me how cool I looked. Telling me how amazing my set was. Telling me how much they love the character I play. I had just played the one of the most genuine sets of my life, and still at the end of it I didn't feel like they understood. My emotion was on my face, my true persona on my sleeve. My eyes were red from crying, my hands were shaking from amphetamines. Still I'm seen as the persona I sold them. Once you release your art to the world, it is no longer yours. The experiences people have listening to it are something I'll never fully understand, as they will never understand me. If they actually knew me, would they still be so impressed with what I've done? Who I've become? [edit: 9.26.23] Looking back on this writing and the album now that's it's finished, and now that i'm no longer in the heart of it's conceptual storm - I can truly say I am proud of what I made. I am most proud of being able to create something that had the emotional relevance that it could even put me in a situation mentioned at the end. In a way creating such a dark piece punished me and I will always love this album for that. I spent a lot of energy on making something that'd make the listener uncomfortable, and being the person to perform it made me just as uncomfortable. That's pure.With all that being said I don't feel as if I won't be able to listen to or play these songs out post release, as while it was based on the miasma I was in, I also wanted to make some dark club friendly Nightcore for the girls to grind to. Without:Me is my favorite song I've made in a very long time. I made it in one sitting on Umami's computer the day of Materia XX. The final song will most likely be the most difficult to revisit, however. I finished the song and then two hours later broke up with my girlfriend. It's titled: In Goodbye. [/]

[sauriansolutions]

God dammit God damnit

Tw... bad irl stuff, dead animal/dead pet tw's, severe depression/abuse/suicide tw's. Please I beg you to just scroll past this if you think you don't have the spoons to handle seeing it. Trust me I get it, if it wasn't my stuff I wouldn't want to know about it either.

Fuck I'm really not doing okay.

I just got back from my typical overnight shift, then went grocery shopping for the the 5 things I could afford, and finally came home to find

MY FROG DIED.

She was a little, underweight, green tree frog I got at one of the horrible chain pet stores because they had "boring, normal" tree frogs on sale, and this poor girl was underweight and had only one eye. (I called her Odinna.)

I had her for almost two years. I brought her with me, as one of my few possessions I wasn't forced to just abandon due to lack of space, when I moved cross-country after I couldn't afford to stay as a resident of the state I used to live in anymore.

I found her dead body while receiving a string of texts from my boss chewing me out for apparently stocking a product incorrectly. Some highlights:

"Don't ever (do task I previously claimed I entrusted to you) again!"

"All of (task) has to be redone because you fucked up!"

"If my boss would have seen this. Or his boss. Holy hell."

*also, photos of the hours of work I did last night being angrily undone, just to push the point home?*

I *put a product on the shelf wrong.* (I was never told the correct way.) Call the fucking firing squad, I guess.

It's not even these specific things, it's.

I don't have anybody I feel like I can safely talk about things like this with, otherwise I wouldn't be dumping this on the blog I tried to make for happy escapism.

I've been in so many long-term abusive relationships, I guess I don't know how to NOT be treated like shit. I've been trying though? I'm worried I might be too autistic and cptsd to even recognize what is a toxic relationship versus, I don't know, a normal snag between folks?

Pretty sure my boss and my roommate have been treating me like shit for awhile though. And I'm so dumb, I'm only just starting to recognize the patterns. Again. AGAIN. The same ones that--

Oh but, idk, maybe it's just me though? Maybe I am in fact so annoying, I deserve to have eyes rolled at me, to be cut off every time I try to talk, to be spoken to in this clipped, exasperated tone. Spoken *at*, more like.

But?? I don't think literally everything I say is stupid. I don't think literally everything I do deserves to be ignored if done well; and don't think I deserve to be excessively, humiliatingly berated if I make, (what seem to me at least? it's entirely possible I am the idiot?) really small, ultimately unimportant, and understandable mistakes??

Maybe I'm also insane to think this, but oh no I'm going to go THERE. Yeah so um... I feel like maybe I should be making a living wage? Hey, that would be cool. Maybe I should get at least like, ONE 15-20 minute food break on my "8 hour" overnight shifts? Maybe I should be getting healthcare (and maybe like what, 401k? Other kinds?) of benefits too, (what other kinds of benefits even exist? Dental? Vision?? Who the fuck has ever had their employer buy them glasses that sounds crazy!), esp considering I'm continuing to work my ass off while raw dogging it through venlafaxine withdrawals (lost my health insurance so fuck me I guess!!) and basically destroying my mental health, working anytime, all the time, full-time, with mandatory overtime--

That's only the tip of the goddamned iceberg, but enough, enough, I'm depressing myself too much to go on even just writing this.

Writing this is an exercise in acknowledging that it's all stuff that happened, not some nightmare. And had an effect on me. I had gotten so good at drugging and drinking myself to sleep, and ignoring, and ignoring,

I feel so trapped. I've been trying to like myself more, and there's a certain point that means you have to actually act on things like this, or else you... don't really like yourself that much, do you?

So, even though it is the most anxiety inducing thing ever, I have dipped my toes into "acting on it." To the extent that, recently, for the first time in my life, I've been willingly leaving jobs, friendships, and romantic relationships--if they feel like, if I told my therapist (who exists in my head, I can't afford one) about how they treat me, I can easily imagine them being like, "Wow okay so first of all, red flags all over the place!"

I've been doing this to my own detriment. I'm alone and stuck, unable to afford solo housing, or appropriate medication, or even food and other basic life necessities some of the time.

And here's the kicker.

I really, really don't want to die. In that sense, I'm not suicidal! But, I don't know how I'm supposed to keep existing like this without imploding or exploding in some way, though.

The worst part is just having no time, space, or resources to even start trying to heal. Nobody to even talk to safely... or, imo, ethically. I don't want to inflict this sadness and hopeless on some innocent bystander.

I'm sorry if you are the person reading this right now.

[supercantaloupe]

alright operablr might hate me for this one but i...was not wild about don carlo, tbh. i think it's kind of a mess. before i elaborate i want to stress that a lot of my opinions are taste based and i am not saying that the opera or anyone who likes it are Bad or Wrong, i just don't think it's quite For Me. adding a cut so you can ignore all this if you want

anyway after having seen both nabucco and don carlo within a week of each other (thereby doubling my previous experience with verdi of traviata and otello), i'm starting to feel like, stylistically, early/mid verdi is much more my speed than late verdi. i remember coming away from otello thinking "that was alright" whereas with nabucco and traviata i was thinking "wow that was great!"...after finishing don carlo last night i was just...confused. i feel like i'm missing something.

actually, i definitely am; i've seen people posting about recurring motifs and beautiful arias etc in the music and i definitely missed those. again, late verdi (along with a lot of late romantic music tbh) just Is Not My Thing, i think. and considering how late don carlo is in verdi's output i'm not surprised (very much a post-wagner composition, don carlo is. same with otello). i'm planning on writing a separate post about this so i won't go into much detail here but the music really lacked a lasting memorable-ness for me; what was there was nice, yes, but it didn't feel like anything stood out much. i mean, numbers like the brindisi and amami alfredo in traviata, va pensiero in nabucco, and la donna e mobile in rigoletto -- these all Stand Out, even after only a single listen, but i am not even 12 hours off watching don carlo and i don't think i could hum for you one of its melodies. again, this has a lot to do with personal taste; in general i tend to prefer 18th and early 19th century music styles, and i plan on going into more detail about memorable music in theater in a different post.

and man, the plot is a mess. also, not to apply too modern a lens of story criticism here, but the pacing is all over the place: act ii is, like, twice the length of act i, and act iv is no quick jaunt either, then v is pretty short again. (and really who am i to complain about a 3.5 hour runtime, as a giulio cesare fan, an opera which bumps up against 4? well, at least giulio cesare has a consistent if slow pace...)

it is all over the place. one moment it's a typical operatic romance, then a political intrigue, another it's a gay psychodrama, and then it's about the catholic church. i think this is a feature rather than a bug for some people but it really did not work for me. like it's all well and good watching rodrigo and carlo swearing their loyalty for one another in the most totally heterosexual way possible or making plans to save flanders or deal with carlo's embarrassing crush on his stepmom or whatever, but when the very next scene (with no real warning) is a public parade of heretics for shaming and burning...bit of a tonal whiplash there, i think!

again, taste is a factor here. known sexy oklahoma enjoyer sasha supercantaloupe is no stranger or opponent of tonal whiplash in theater, but when it comes to "no one expects the spanish inquisition!" i think there's a difference between guys with silly outfits and silly accents popping out from behind a corner and a crowd of people dressed in friar habits carrying crosses and torches around onstage...especially to a jewish viewer like me. the plot very much feels like something someone who doesn't like opera would make up to belittle the art form imo: it's like four different things at once all thrown together in a very long, kind of jumbled mess. (i mean, what does eboli even do other than show up, make things Even More Complicated, and then disappear within two acts?)

and...i get the sense that verdi/contemporary audiences might've thought this, too. obviously the fact that it got so many productions that it HAS so many different versions at all shows that people liked it enough to keep performing it -- but there being so many different versions of the opera (disregarding translations), four acts versus five, cut or revised arias, etc, i think also indicates that something about the opera was not working quite right that they kept trying to fix. now i've only seen one version (granted it came highly recommended to me by mutuals, but only one nonetheless) and can't comment on other versions of the opera; maybe another version works better for me, idk. on its own i actually think it's really interesting that there are so many different revisions out there to study -- a real lucky glimpse into the dramaturgical process that you don't normally get to see from shows of the era or earlier. (ask me about hadestown if you want to know more of my thoughts on changes made over the course of a show's development being for better or worse.) but the finished version of the opera (at least the version i saw) is a bit of a mess imo. i definitely think it has its high moments, but i don't think they completely overshadow its lows. comparing it again to otello, which was a much more consistent product in tone and pacing etc. to me, although a bit less interesting overall too.

i feel like i might be disappointing some people by saying all this lol but i have to be honest. don carlo was just not my thing. suffice to say that i think late verdi has absorbed too much wagnerism for my taste, musically and dramatically. maybe i'll rewatch it at some point -- i'd be curious to check it out in french this time -- but i don't expect to be doing that anytime soon, unless a friend or something is watching and really wants me to join (and i can spare four hours...). i can see why y'all like it (well, some of why y'all like it) and i do admit there's some good stuff in there to like. namely the carlo & rodrigo shit. i understand now lol. the opera definitely feels like it's ripe for shitpost/meme content and i am here for that. but i can't say this one is going at the top of my fave shows list. sorry everybody!