#so! i'm not going to let my brain gaslight me anymore!

[no-where-new-hero]

i have my masters!!! not officially officially until the end of the month but i passed everything and i got several congratulations-you're-graduating emails so!!! i'm forcing myself to feel a little bit proud of this today!!

[uravichii]

"best friends who kiss?"

character/s: bakugo katsuki

summary: recently, your best friend has been kissing you at random times. you have no idea why because he refuses to talk about it. either way, you're not about to let this to ruin your precious friendship.

genre & trope: fluff, best friends to lovers, angry confessions, reader is terrified of love but bakugo wants them so bad 😁, tw kind of ooc bakugo

a/n: i've been watching a lot of pride & prejudice and bridgerton scenes n i'm now obsessed angry confessions 🤩 + this is heavily inspired by that scene in little women :) ALSO i haven't posted in a year 😟 so pls be nice ik my writing's rusty in this :'D

the first time bakugou katsuki kissed you, he pretended he never did.

"what... " you brush your fingers against your bottom lip, your whole face hot. "what the hell was that for?"

"what?" bakugo shrugs, feigning innocence as he takes a swig of his soda.

you try and trace back the events that could have led to the kiss.

you said something along the lines of: "i wish i had a boyfriend. i could definitely pull a cute guy off the street."

then you heard him scoff and say: "no man's sane enough to put up with your insufferable ass." ーor something more insulting than that.

you can't remember what you said in response, and you rack your brain to figure out what prompted him to grab your face and kiss you. it's impossible when all you can think about is the unexpected supple feel of his lips, its faint ghost still lingering on yours.

"that kiss, katsuki! you violated my mouth!"

"dunno what you're talking about. you hit your head or something?"

you blink and second-guess yourself for a second.

"okay, no. you're not gonna gaslight your way out of this." you swat his arm, earning an irked glare from him. "why the hell did you kiss me?"

"you're imagining things, idiot. this stupid game's givin' ya some serious brain damage for sure."

he stands up and swings his bag over his shoulder.

"where are you going? we're not done yetー!"

and he's out of the door.

was he drunk off his soda? maybe he kissed you to mess with your head. he's not that cruel though, you think. maybe he couldn't think of any other way to shut you upー that was something he always struggled with after all.

at least the second time bakugo katsuki kissed you, he was kind enough to warn you.

after enduring the most awkward hour-long study session with him, you decide to put an end to your agony by wrapping it up. you start gathering your things when he stops you with a calloused hand on your wrist.

"what?" you turn to him, your cheeks already heating up from his touch.

there are no thoughts you could read behind those vermillion eyes, and all of a sudden, you don't know your best friend very well anymore.

he walks some tentative steps closer to you until the back of your knees hit the table. he cradles your jaw with such delicacy you didn't even know he was capable of. he slips past your awaiting lips and presses his nose on the side of your head, his warm breath kissing your flushed skin.

"punch me in the face and scram if you don't want this, got it?"

you gulp and forget to answer if not for the gentle squeeze on your wrist. "y/n, you got it?"

"s-sure."

when you two kiss, it's different from last time. it's unhurried, curious, and so intoxicating. the kiss speaks: 'i want you. i want you. i want you' but whose thoughts are these?

he groans into your lips as if to urge you to keep up with the sheer hungriness that has consumed him. you try your best to do so as he deepens the kiss with a palm on the back of your head and practically drinks you in. he doesn't pull away until he hears the tiny whine that escapes you.

"shit, sorry." he mutters, avoiding your stunned gaze.

"t's okay."

"did i hurt you?" the quiet lilt of his voice surprises you.

"no, no. i'm okay, but why'd you kiー"

"bye." he blurts out as he turns to the door and leaves, as if he didn't just invaded your mouth and permanently tainted the years of friendship you two have had. you click your tongue as the heat subsides in your cheeks.

"son of a bitch."

the third time bakugo katsuki kissed you, you let him, and he didn't stop.

you had barely escaped death when you lost your footing while sparring with todoroki. naturally, bakugo yelled the poor guy's ear off and would have murdered him if eraserhead hadn't interfered at the last second.

now, you find yourself heaving in your bed. you don't know whether your hastened pulse is from the adrenaline rush or from the fact that bakugo is all over you right now.

he's planting feather-light kisses all over youー your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your eyelids, your hands, and your wrist, as panicked murmurs spill out of him in between kisses. 'you scared the hell out of me. you have no idea, fuck. are you okay? are you really okay? tell me you're okay, y/n.'

"i'm okayー" you barely manage to gasp before he dips his lips into yours, desperate and frantic. tremulous hands find solace in your hips as he holds you, gentle enough not to mar your injuries but snug enough to assure his restless heart that you are safe.

your head feels hazy. your limbs ache and lie motionless, and though your lips could barely move to reciprocate his kisses as much as you wanted to, bakugo didn't stop. you tried to ask him about it the next morning, but of course, he ignored you and walked away.

you don't know when he stopped kissing you that night. all you know is that there was a line that was crossed, and your friendship was never going to be the same again.

bakugo katsuki is going to kiss you again. your heart thrums incessantly. whether it's dread or anticipationー you don't know.

you think about the sensation of his lips that's become so familiar to you that you've learned to crave it. it shouldn't be familiar to you, and you sure as hell shouldn't want it. so you do what you think is necessary.

you kick him in the shin.

"motherfー!" sure enough, he's pissed. "what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"what the hell is wrong with you?!"

"i was going toー"

"no! you're not gonna kiss me again and walk away and pretend it never happened. you're messing with my head, katsuki! it's not funny!"

"wasn't trying to be funny!" he barks back.

"okay, so what exactly are you trying to do? what is this? i meanー" you stammer, struggling to find the words. "katsuki, what are we?"

he sighs and shifts his stance, his discomfort apparent. when the silence lingers on for too long, you speak.

"well, whatever it is that you want from me, we're going to stay friends. nothing more, nothing less. that's it." your breath hitches, and you don't know why you feel like crying as you speak. "... so i don't want your stinky mouth anywhere on me again."

silence weighs heavily between you. sometimes you wish you didn't know him too well, then the hurt he veils in his eyes wouldn't be so plain and vivid to you, and you would have walked away by now without an ounce of remorse.

"i like you, y/n." is all he could say when he finally speaks.

you shake your head. "no, you're just confused."

"i'm not confused. i like you."

"katsuki, you've been bitchless all your life, and i'm just the closest thing to a s/o. maybe go take a walk or something."

"i like you." he persists. "i've liked your stupid ass forー"

"stop saying that. you don't."

"i do, and you like me tooー"

"what?!" you laugh incredulously.

'who does this dumbass think he is?' is he right? surely, he's not. then what are you so afraid of in the first place? why have you been counting down the days until he kisses you again? why do you yearn for his touch as if it's something you own? why do you feel so infuriated and so tormented when he leaves the room after kissing you?

you do what is necessary again.

"you're delusional!" you yell at his face, a childish shrill that's awfully familiar to your childhood best friend.

"jesus christ." he inhales sharply in frustration. "you're a fucking pussy, y/n."

you clench your jaw and match his glare. anger surges in your chest and bleeds into your voice.

"i'm not the one who chickens out after kissing their best friend! you can't even acknowledge the fact that you kissed me because you'reー!"

"do you think i want to chicken out? why do you think i run away after kissing you?! if i stayed and confessed all this shit the first time, you would've refused to hear it like the damn coward you are!" he leans close to you, his voice lowering into a ragged snarl that quickens your pulse. "and you're just proving it right now, y/n. you're always going to shut this down and deny your feelings because you're a fucking pussy. you're terrified of relationships, and it's dumbest shit ever. pathetic, really."

you rear back from his words. if anything, you always thought it was katsuki who was afraid of love. now, you can't help but feel small and vulnerable underneath his searing gaze.

"it's not dumb..." you shuffle uncomfortably. "what, i'm supposed to ruin our friendship for a relationship that we're going to break off anyway?"

"we're not going to break it off."

"how do you know that?"

"because i'll be the best goddamn boyfriend in the world!"

"first of all, gross." you scoff. "second of all, it's never gonna work out! you're going to get sick of me in three days max."

"i've known you since we were brats, and i still want you."

"you literally said no man's sane enough to put up with my obnoxious ass."

he smirks. "i said 'insufferable ass'."

"katsuki!" you fight the urge to strangle him and punch that stupid smile off his face.

"wasn't even serious that time." he grimaces and reluctantly continues. "you know damn well you can pull any guy you want, and he'd be the luckiest bastard on earth."

if it were any other day, you'd grin at him and say 'i told you so,' but your lips remain unmoved, and your eyes stay dim. you're afraid you'll never go back to being the same katsuki and y/n again.

"this is pointless, katsuki. i mean, look! we're already fighting." you grouch and tell yourself you don't want this. "i still don't want us to happen so while this friendship is still salvable, let's agree to stay friends, and whatever sappy shit you feel for meー suck it up."

in one swift motion, he closes the distance between you, his face hovering dangerously over yours.

"suck it up?" he breathes, his face taut in frustration. "restraining myself from you is the hardest shit i've ever had to do. it takes everything in me not to kiss your stupid face!"

he shudders, weakly resting his forehead against yours as if this conversation alone has exhausted him. still, he goes on.

"and everytime i failedー everytime i kissed those lips, it was... a moment of weakness, but that's the fucking problemー you're just..." he buries his face into the crook of your neck, a desperate attempt to escape your wide-eyed gaze. "i'm weak for you, y/n. every second. and it drives me fucking insane that you keep running away from me."

he rises to meet your eyes again. the cadence of his voice changes into something weak and desperate, stripped of all the pride and anger he's ever known.

"i love youー fuck. i love you." he lets the words hang in the air, letting the words hear itself spoken because for once, you're not stopping him. "i love you, so please... let me."

after much thought and another agonizing minute of silence, you lean in to kiss bakugo katsuki.

he kisses back almost instantly and revels in the way you wrap your arms around his neck and bear your weight on him completely. he kisses back ardently, his pent-up desires and years of longing etched in the way he seeks your lips, kiss after kiss after kiss.

when you finally pull away, you're met with a devilish smirk, his begging eyes long gone. you wonder to yourself when you'll see those eyes again.

"took ya long enough." he kisses you again. he raises a brow at the way you're caging him in your arms. "jesus, no one's gonna snatch me from you."

"i'm making sure you don't run away again, dumbass."

"i won't." he says earnestly as he props his forehead against yours. "and you won't either. i'll make sure of that."

you nod your head with a giddy smile as he pecks your lips again.

"so..." you say as you exaggerate a pensive look, a cheeky grin spreading across your face. "we're best friends who occasionally kiss?"

he rolls his eyes. "you're impossible."

"recite that speech again, and i'll consider calling you my boyfriend."

"fuck off!"

TAGLIST [1/2] @uxavity @joy-the-reader @kiiraes @escapenightmare @afk-dreaminq @avocamich @theboredvee @wonderwrench @ur-local-simp @p-ol @x0xuglyh0tgrl2005xoxo @cosmonettica @melin-oe @mitzi127 @lilac-o @r2katsu @bakucumsackslut @idunnomynamesince2005 @astralwaifu @taurus852 @creepyproxies @maycat-19-142 @stella-fleurets @veenxys @devilgirlcrybabiey @drawingaddict @kageyama-i-want-tobiors @lexiv-web @angelshimaa @izukus-gf @christiansdior @homosexualjohnwayne @uwiuwi @hirugummies @cupidines @loveisningning (bold couldn't be tagged)

[kakujis]

ALL I WANTED WAS YOU.

and when the world treats you way too fairly... well, it's a shame i'm a dream.

synopsis: a break up is nothing, not when the two of you are sworn to be together. satoru thinks you just need a little reminder.

warnings: dark content. ageless blogs + minors DNI. afab!fem reader, sub!reader, yandere!satoru, switching povs at times, possessive behavior, dubcon, recording, dacryphilia, cheating (not on gojo), somno, praise, manipulation, gaslighting, mind break(?), begging, fingering, oral f!receiving, choking, pussy slapping, creampie, masochism (reader), tiny bit of man handling and hair pulling. he is mean AND whiny. he literally sniffs u at one point lol. you wear makeup. implied multiple rounds.

ft + wc: gojo x reader, around 5.2k

@enchantedforest-network

an: hi, so like months ago (as all my wips start) i had this idea for toxic!ex bf gojo which delved into yan gojo LOL. he is so hard to write... like wtf... so anyway this was been rotting away since september!! i think i did lose my mind just a little bit writing this ngl LMFAO. idk if i really leaned that heavily into the yan, but we are going to truck along and post this anyways. thanks for waitin'. also, thank you to dooby and sky for both proofreading and giving me some ideas to push through, @sxgars for the banner, and my brain/fingers for not giving up.

gojo satoru still remembers the day you left, eyes puffy and face streaked with makeup as you stormed out of your shared apartment. in gojo’s mind, it was fine, you’d be back. no matter how big of a fight, you always came back. 

but it’s been months now of you ignoring his calls and texts, avoiding him whenever you see him. you’ve even blocked him on some of your social media platforms since he can only access the ones you haven’t used in years. most people have told him to let it go, move on, it’s not worth it. but satoru’s heart knows what it wants and at the core of it all, it wants: you. 

he thinks you might need a little coaxing, something to help you realize you love him again. once he finds out your address, his plan is set. he spruces himself up, spritzing on the cologne of his that was your favorite, even getting suguru to stop by the flower shop near his workplace to grab you a bouquet. yes, gojo’s got it all figured out. he’ll swing by, shower you in love like he used to, and you’ll realize you missed him just as bad. 

imagine his dismay when you won’t even open the door, your voice muffled from the other side. you tell him to leave, it’s over, you don’t want to see him anymore. he begs you to open it, just give him one more chance, but you sigh, crack the door open a smidge, and tell him. 

“satoru, leave. my boyfriend’s here.” 

he thinks that word is disgusting if he’s not the one it’s referring to. maybe you’re lying, maybe it’s another ruse to get him to piss off, but when you peek behind your shoulder, giving a little smile, the kind you used to give gojo, soft, sweet, loving; he realizes you’re completely honest. 

the lump in his throat is sticky, clinging onto the walls of his neck like gum. meanwhile, his heart feels like it’s beating in his ears, a not-so-friendly reminder of his fragility. 

you turn back, eyeing the flowers, an assortment of your favorite kinds - satoru, satoru, i like these, see? - and in a moment of soft-heartedness, step out. you can’t deny the pull of your heartstrings, satoru’s endearing aura plucking at them in a solemn tune, but you’re different now. you don’t need satoru anymore.  

“look,” you start, adjusting his tie and fixing the crinkling cellophane. “maybe you could give this to someone else? they’re so pretty, someone out there would be lucky to have them. and, you’re satoru, handsome, funny, sweet. you’ll find someone else in no time!” 

but he just stares, eyes boring into you as if it feels like the wind’s been taken out of him as your words fall on deafened ears. fuck the flowers, you’re so pretty, you’re the one people are lucky to have. in a sense, he’s bewildered because there’s no way you’ve actually moved on… right? 

you sigh again, a hint of exasperation tinging your voice, “gojo, i think… this should be the last time we see each other.” you step back, hand on the door handle. to you, this is a step in the right direction. 

for him, he finds that the way you don’t use his first name has him wanting to rip his hair out from the root. 

“wait, please, i love you.” he states, finally finding his voice, feeling like his time with you is running out. his lip quivers while his heart continues to shatter with each passing second. “i’d do anything for you, you know that right?”

ah. same old satoru, the man who swore he’d take the moon from the sky if you wanted. anyone looking in would swear you were lucky, but you remember things being a little… suffocating. it was too much, too overwhelming eventually. 

you bite your lip, strengthening your hold on the handle, ready to leave. you can’t meet his gaze, knowing that if you do you might falter. “but i don’t. i don’t love you anymore.” - it’s a lie, you know it is from the little bud inside your chest blooming, breaking out past the walls of your heart, but you just… can’t. 

he shakes his head, taking a step forward. “you don’t mean that.” 

“i do, satoru!” you flinch at your own voice, taking a deep breath to calm down. “please, just leave.” you tell him one more time before you retreat back inside and slam the door. 

he waits for a few minutes, thinking that maybe he’s on one of those prank shows. you’re going to open the door, tell him it was a joke, and to come inside. except you don’t, and he’s stuck under the low flickering haze of your complex’s lights. 

gojo’s a bit stunned on the walk back home, foggy eyesight mixed with thoughts flying a mile a minute equates to a tall stumbling man with no care for those around him. he can’t even count how many people he’s bumped into, let alone the amount of sorrys he’s muttered, the now crumpled bouquet still firmly held in his hand, indicated by the whites of his knuckles. 

when he gets home, he sinks into the floor, his head wrapped around his arms before he flings the bouquet across the room. “fuck!” a picture frame of the two of you clatters to the floor, glass breaking in tiny, jagged pieces. he kept it after all, in hopes that you’d come back eventually, but now it’s clear you’re not. he doesn’t even care that he’s knocked something off a table, he’s so fucking hurt.

hurt that you’ve moved on so easily, hurt that you’re out there calling someone else ‘baby’. he can’t fucking stand it, wanting to rip out the baseboards of his home or set it all on fire. from the first day he met you, gojo’s always firmly believed you were made for him. that thought was always reaffirmed with every ‘i love you,’ that dripped from your lips into his ear every morning and evening. 

maybe it’s not the best timing, but he remembers other things as well. like each time he’s been deep inside you and your pretty mouth would hang open, eyes blown and glassy, as you gasped out his name like it was the only thing you knew how to say. or even the times you took initiative yourself, crawling under the covers to wake him up, kitten licks and sloppy kisses to his cockhead. his own eyes met yours, with a lidded call of reverence, and that was all he needed to know. 

there’s no reason to wallow, he thinks, a small reignition of flame in his gut brewing. each passing memory that trickles by is another reminder that you did love him. no, that’s not right. you do love him.

okay, he thinks, i can still fix this. you just need a little reminding is all. you love him and you’re just a little confused. maybe his mind is breaking, but he reminds himself that it’s better his mind than his heart. 

”yeah,” he mumbles, dusting himself as he gets up off the floor. “she still loves me.” 

to be honest, breaking and entering wasn’t really his thing, he never saw the appeal in it before. but, this isn't really a break in, he’s just visiting his girl. he will say though, you did make it a little too easy by keeping your key under the mat. no, you kept it easy because you knew he was coming, simple as that. 

he goes in tentatively at first, wanting to see what you’ve done with the place, nodding in approval as he scans over the rooms. you’ve done a good job, just like you did before, but he does frown when not a single one of his photos is up. you must have forgotten or maybe you’re trying to save your new boy toy some heartbreak. silently, he walks over to your bedroom door, peeking in.

his mouth quips up into a smile when he sees you. you’re pretty as you sleep, just like he remembers. you’ve always been a heavy sleeper, mouth slightly agape as your drool dribbled down into the pillow. 

“hey beautiful…” he murmurs when he reaches you, bending down to brush away a few strands of loose hair from your face. 

a little “mm,” leaves your lips as your face twists at his touch. he leans in til he’s just a hair’s breadth away, before he ghosts his lips over yours slightly. still the same old you, lips just as soft as he remembers and what little self restraint he had continues to chip away. 

the hot breath of exhales continue to mix as satoru spends his time taking in your scent. he tries his best not to whine when you pull away slightly, once again leaning further in to stay as close to you as possible. if he could get high off of it, he probably could, but the ache in his belly grows. he needs you. 

“wait a minute…” he mumbles when you try to once again turn away. ���why are you always trying to run away from me?” it’s a silly question, rhetorical since you’re still locked in the deep throes of sleep. but your body seems to answer in place of your voice when your legs rub against the sheets and your chest once again heaves itself over, leaving him behind. 

he’s sad that you’ve taken away his favorite aromatic, but with your shuffling, you’ve moved the blankets down letting him get a peek of your bare skin. you’re always a sight to behold and his fingers run themselves lightly over your body before he’s pulling the blanket off you completely. 

you’ve always been a heavy sleeper, affectionately dubbed his “sleepy wife,” even though you were never married. it’s been a while since his hands burned with such intensity, running up and down your thigh and leg, even tracing along the curvature of your ass. 

his knee dips into the bed as he finally looms over you, pushing you gently onto your back, before he’s prying your thighs open with one hand. he thinks he should take his time, savor it, satoru, but you’re just so… inviting. he runs a finger across the waistband of your shorts, experimentally tugging lightly. he flickers his eyes between his hands and your face, seeking for any signs of waking as he slowly starts to expose more and more skin. 

hints and glimpses of skin are all he needs to get riled up, further than he already is, as he takes the leap and pulls your bottoms off completely. 

“oh fuck princess,” he groans when he sees your pretty pussy for the first time in months. he’s nearly salivating like a dog as he remembers just how good you taste, bending down to get perched between your thighs. 

the first kitten lick against your clit chips away at his already waning self control. the next one that delved between your folds nearly completely breaks it. but he’s missed tasting you on his buds, missed consuming what was his. take your time, satoru. his mind ticks again, and he settles back to prepare a nice lob of spit before he’s letting it fall onto your pussy. 

you shiver unconsciously at the sensation and he takes a pause, not wanting you to wake just yet. you’d probably flip out on him and he can’t have you getting mad at him just yet. 

he waits until you settle again before he’s diving back in, driving his tongue between your folds as he laps up your essence. to say he was starving was an understatement, for these past months he’s felt like he’s been dying. 

it’s intoxicating as your juices and his saliva mix to dribble down his chin, dripping onto your bed sheets below. he eats you out like it's his first real meal in months, tongue lapping as much of your essence as he can while his fingers dig deep into the plush skin of your thighs.

he shudders as he grinds his hips into your mattress, the tip of his nose running against your clit sending little shockwaves up your unconscious body. you taste just as good as he remembers, losing himself in the sweet slick of your cunt.

your eyelids finally flutter open, readjusting to the darkened light of your room, but you can't miss that familiar snowy peak of hair settled in between your thighs.

"satoru?" you breathe, meeting his lidded eyes as your hands come down to immediately push back against his forehead, but instead your fingers curl up into his locks. 

“hi,” he chimes, smiling against your pussy as he readjusts, sitting up to shoot you a wicked smile. “hi baby, good mornin’.” the tone ofhis voice is sweet, nearly identical to what it was like when you were together.

he replaces his tongue with his fingers, whining a little when he feels you clench down onto them as he starts to scissor you open. 

“what the fuck are you doing here?” you hiss, but your body jerks when he rubs against a particularly sweet spot of yours. 

“i missed you. i can’t visit?” he pouts, pressing a kiss against your clit before his tongue is laving over it again as if to make a point. “did you miss me?” he asks when your eyes roll back and you tug just a bit harder on his hair. 

“no.” you grit, but you can’t stop the way your hips buck up into him. 

“you’ve always been a bad liar, angel.” he shrugs, before he’s latching onto your cunt again.

he’s eaten you out more times than either of you can count, he knows exactly how to get you there. he knows it’s just a little bit more until you fall apart. he’s back on with even more fervor, alternating between sucking on your clit to sloppily and quickly flicking his tongue against it. 

“oh fuck,” you mewl, throwing your head back and thrashing as you come undone on his fingers, pussy fluttering and toes curling. 

“see, i knew you missed me.” he grins, as he brings his fingers up to suck at the slick around them. you’re still panting as you try to close your legs, but satoru’s fast, bringing his hands back down to tear them open. “ah ah ah,” he tuts, “we’re not done til i say so, got it?”  

“sa- gojo, you need to leave.” you plead, head heavy and stomach churning at what’s just happened. you fucked up but it’s fine, you can fix this still. 

“why?” he asks, “your boyfriend gonna come home?” fine, he’ll play your little game for now. he’ll antagonize you for a bit, before he’s disgustingly sweet again, just like the good ole days. but there’s also the anger brewing within him, why the fuck won’t you just come home? 

he smirks when you pause, already knowing the answer, “don’t tell me you two aren’t living together?” 

you shake your head, “that’s none of your business, gojo.” in hindsight, after satoru, you wanted to take things slowly the next time. moving in after only a month of dating probably wasn’t the best idea. 

“why not? i’ve got a right to know what you’re up to.” he pouts as he says it, hoping your irritation will ease up. 

you scoff, narrowing your eyes, “since when?” but your attitude is nothing more than a facade, always has been. “we’re not even together anymore-“ 

“since i decided, you’re mine.” he snaps, cutting you off and leaning down into you. “i decided that years ago by the way, and i’m not gonna let some fucking random mess with us.” 

you squeak as you hear him rustle with his pants, freeing his aching cock and you hate the way your stomach flip flops when you see it. it’s been so long since you’ve been fucked let alone touched. gojo was the last person to have you writhing underneath him and if you told him, he’d have even more of a need to keep it that way. 

your tough facade is breaking, you’re falling back into your hazy, mindless, and needy ways. you love satoru, even if the relationship was toxic, even if he gave you so little breathing room. but not yet, you won’t give in just yet. 

you try to scramble back further before you’re able to twist out of his hold for just a moment. but he grabs your hair by the root, twisting and pulling you back close to him and you yelp, clawing at his hand.

“baby, you’re really testing my patience.” he hisses into your ear, before he’s shoving you back down on the bed. “god, you know i hate being mean to you. just be good for once, yeah?” 

“gojo, leave.” you try one more time, but the hands that push up against him are so weak that he can tell your body’s betraying you. not only that, but your thighs shake at the pain in your scalp and you wish he would do it again. 

“i don’t think you want me to.” he states and you hate that he’s right. you don’t want him to leave, you want him to slide into you, filling you up. “or am i wrong?” he asks, looming over you, running his pretty cockhead through your folds. “go ahead, tell me to stop.” 

you bite your lip in an effort to not gasp out a pathetic moan, squeezing your eyes shut. each run against your clit has your legs widening, almost like you’re inviting him to come in. 

“knew it,” he quips, before he’s prodding at your entrance. your eyes fly open then, breathing heavily through your nose, but you don’t try to back off letting him glide in, inch by inch. “it’s cause you love me.” 

“i don’t,” you exhale as you watch his dick disappear within you, stretching you further than his fingers did. you’re nearly breathless when he finally bottoms out, fists balling into your sheets. 

“yes, you do,” he breathes, his own breathing jagged and rushed, almost like it’s being squeezed out of him. “you always have and always will.”

gojo satoru always fucks with your psyche, one of the many reasons you decided to leave him. it wasn’t obvious, not at first and neither was it nefarious. it was silly little item mix ups, funny conversations that seemed to follow satoru’s lead, until it was a loss of freedom, like a nightingale in a cage. 

huh? no, you’re meeting them next week… yeah, you told me last night. 

but that’s not- 

it is. check your phone. 

oh, i guess it… is? 

c’mon, would i lie to you princess? now you can hang out with me all day. 

and then suddenly it was all too clear when you did get that girl’s trip out, when your friends stared at you like you were fucking insane. it wasn’t normal at all that you couldn’t do a single thing without him. your friends helped you fit the pieces together and that was enough. you were going. 

leaving that day was easy, satoru hated seeing you upset and was more than willing to give you space when needed. it always went one way: you cool off, he swoops in and dresses up his words extra nicely to make you stay. but you didn’t this time. 

it was easier to leave all your things there as well instead of trying to leave in the middle of night. you thought you could do it, away from him you’d figure things out. 

but there must have been a part of you that still wanted him to chase after you, a divergent, rogue piece that strayed too far from the board. is that why you didn’t leave the city? still a part within satoru’s web of connected streets, just waiting until you were ensnared again. 

his eyes are still as pretty, his face almost too handsome, and voice just as alluring as before. you guess that’s what this is, a predator just waiting to stick his fangs into your neck.

“you’re insane,” you gasp out, holding onto your tiniest bit of strength. 

“aw, just for you.” he smiles, before he’s rolling his hips into yours, grinding in just the way you like, just as you remember. 

with each stutter of his hips, your walls twitch around his length and body jolts in waves of pleasure. soft gasps and moans tumble off your lips and satoru buries his face into your neck, nipping little marks into your skin, almost as if he’s etching one word into it: mine. 

it hits him almost instantly, this sick feeling in the pit of his stomach when he remembers that stupid little nuisance. he uses his hands to push up, still ramming into you as he takes a look at your face contorted in pleasure, as you peek up at him. 

“gojo?” you mumble, trying to take into account that look in his eye, but your head is bubbly with the pleasure he’s giving you. 

even with your walls clenching down around him with each roll of his hips, his anger seeps into him like water to a sponge as he tries to block out the idea that someone else was in what was his. that they probably saw this face that you’re making and got to hear your pretty little moans. 

“where’s your fucking phone?” he hisses, snatching it off the nightstand when he finds it, illuminated by the notifications of text messages from your “boyfriend.”

you whimper, trying to grab it, but satoru holds your hands together by the wrist, strategically keeping them against your chest so you can’t move up. 

“gojo, don’t!” you plead, snapping out of your trance for a moment, but the grip on your wrist tightens and you yelp. followed next is a glare, his gaze striking you right to the core. your words die off and he goes back to looking at your phone. it’s easy to unlock, you never changed the pass code. 

his eyes scan the texts quickly and frankly, it’s fucking disgusting to read this guy call you pet names that only satoru can say. he continues to scroll, trying his best to not dig his nails deep into your skin as he takes note of every heart emoji, flirtatious interaction, and pet name from your end. 

he keeps his breathing deep and even to keep himself from blowing his lid and he has half a mind to block his number to make sure you can’t speak to him again. but suddenly he’s got a better idea, getting back at him seemed so easy. 

you look so cute underneath him, pretty pussy enveloping his cock just like it was made to do, why not show it off? especially to someone that pissed him off. 

“hey baby, can you smile for me?” he says, voice sugary sweet as he opens your camera app, but you shake your head, trying to sink further into the pillow. you’re wary of the sudden personality change, especially when he finally releases your hands. 

he pouts, “c’mon now, you’re so pretty when you smile… please?” he sighs when you continue to refuse, but continues on, angling the camera til he’s satisfied with the image. 

“god, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” he says as he zooms onto your flushed face, hands coming up to hide it, before paneling back to record down your body. he stops when he reaches where both your hips are flush together, pussy sucking in his cock right to the brim. “fuck, would you look at that? i don’t even know your name man, but how fuckin’ pretty is this?” 

you gasp when you realize what he’s doing, but before you can say anything, you feel a hand come down onto your sensitive pussy. you yelp out but his hand comes down again and you're mortified when it sounds more like a moan. “bet you didn’t know she liked that,” he goads, “she also likes this.” he says, wrapping a hand around your jugular and giving a squeeze. 

your eyes roll back as the air escapes you, muddying your sight in little black dots. your hands fall to pull at his wrist, a moot effort considering the strength difference, and he laughs. a condescending flit of noise dripping in ego. “scratch that, she fucking loves that. hey, in my defense, i’m a little rusty, it’s been a while.” 

gojo has always been one of two things, needy and arrogant. but the worst was always when the two came together, usually in his worst fits of jealousy. he’s never recorded you before, always too eager to remember to set anything up before he’s pouncing on you.

but this satoru feels different, he feels scarier, nearly dangerous, although you shake off that fear til it’s nothing more than a fleeting thought. you liked this - no he was right, you loved this. before you broke up you were always begging satoru, just a little harder, just a little meaner, please.

with another heavy squeeze as the oxygen is once again cut off from you, you feel the walls around your heart finally crumbling completely, almost like a switch is flipped on. you can’t run from nor deny the heady need that was gojo satoru, the man that knew you in and out. you flutter your lashes at him, like you always did when you wanted to tell him something. he loosens his grip on your neck, just enough so that you can speak, “you wanna say somethin’, baby?” 

“u-use me,” you mumble, voice no louder than a whisper as your eyes start to leak that familiar pretty liquid that drives him insane. you’ve missed him, missed this - whatever the fuck it was, some messed up amalgamation dressed up under the guise of love. 

“hm?” he goads, a sick smile plastered on his face because you’re finally acting how you should. “a little louder for me, princess. i can’t hear you.” 

“use me!” you sob, trying to shift your hips to get some sort of stimulation, “please, satoru, please.” 

the use of his first name has him feeling like an actual god as he switches the camera back onto him. “you heard her.” he says with a wicked grin, before ending the video and pressing send. he tosses your phone to the side, “now where were we?” 

you whine when he shifts, one elbow propping him up as his hand once again finds it’s place against your neck. your own hand resumes it’s place as well, but instead of pulling this time you press, lashes heavy with tears as you wordlessly beg satoru to claim what’s his again. 

he’s so close to you now, his snowy hair tickles your forehead and his breath mixes with yours as he finally starts to move. you choke out a sob as he ever so slowly hits all the right places and you wonder how long you actually managed to make this far. 

“this is what you wanted isn’t it, baby?” he coos, being careful to not choke you for too long, even though you almost wish he’d fuck you passed out. “just needed a little reminder that i’m all you need right?” 

you nod, hiccuping with each thrust that knocks any air you have left out of your lungs. he’s right, just the two of you is all either of you need. you think the world is melting away as satoru presses kisses against your spit ridden lips, his own groans mixing in with yours as your tongues mesh together in sloppy, messy runs. 

“and now you’re gonna cum on my cock, aren’t you?” he picks up the pace, slamming in harder, rougher, like he’s proving a point. but he’s almost always right, with each kiss of his mushroom tip against your sweet spot pulsing pleasure throughout your body. “show me how much you love me.” 

“‘m close, toru,” you sniffle, nails digging into his arm as you blink away more tears, gasping up into his mouth. “‘m so close, please.” 

“i know.” he states, pressing his forehead against yours, sticky and sweat covered, as he gazes into your glassy, hazy eyes. “come on, cum for me princess. show me who you belong to.” 

there’s something so euphoric about satoru’s words, claiming every last bit of you, that you fall apart almost instantly. your orgasm hits you hard, rippling through you as your eyes and head both roll back, your pussy clenching down on his thick cock. 

“f-fuck! cumming, toru, i’m-“ you squeal, tears running down your face freely but satoru swallows up your moans, his lips once again sealing over yours, since those belong to him too. 

that’s enough for him, a firm affirmation that you love him, and he loses control of his once precise thrusts. he pistons into you, heavy balls slapping against your skin and pounding hard as if to leave marks all up your velvet walls. you milk out his own orgasm, walls fluttering and he detaches from your lips to growl out, “you’re all fucking mine, got it?” 

you chant out “yes,” as many times you can, still riding out your own orgasm as his cum paints your walls in white, til he finally slows back down to a stuttering close. he pants as he runs his hand up to rub his thumb over your tear-ridden cheek. 

“i love you.” he mumbles and you blink up at him sleepily meeting his pretty lidded blue eyes. it’s a stark contrast to the satoru just moments ago, pounding into you like his life depended on it. 

“love you too, toru.” you whisper, running a hand over his. your head and body feel heavy, yet your mind is still floating above the clouds. he’s probably oversensitive but you can’t care, knowing that your neck is prettier now that his fingerprints are littered on it. “toru… again.” 

he laughs when he feels you start to grind your hips, sticky slick and cum dripping from your hole. he feels like he’s on cloud nine hearing you beg for him after all this time. 

“please, please, toru,” you whine, craning your neck to brush sloppy, wet kisses across his lips and jawline. “i love you, so please.” 

“course, angel,” he mumbles in between kisses, “just gimme a few minutes and i’ll give you everything you want.” 

[cannellee]

TOKYO REVENGERS OMEGAVERSE (mythological au!) ☆

୨୧ demigod! alpha! tokyo revengers x omega! reader (pairing : kazutora, mitsuya, baji, mikey, takemichi, shinichiro, izana, ran, draken, taiju, kokonoi, kakucho)

— a mix of what cabins they would be in and how they would be like with their omega (cabin = which god/goddess would they be the son of)

my masterlist : ☆

(I just finished watching the serie 'percy jackson' on disney+ and I just thought it would be an interesting idea to explore! of course it's purely my opinion and it might not be really representative. it's also fine if you don't know anything about percy jackson! I didn't add any details about the plot/storyline)

(+ if you've read my other headcanons, some of them might be similar to what I've already posted.. I hope none of you will mind!)

(+ I'm thinking about making it a serie : about a huge harem probably? or separated stories about omega!reader's life inside the half blood camp pls tell me what you think!!)

ALPHA! KAZUTORA (aphrodite)

he's a difficult one, like all the others, but I remember seeing a post in which kazutora was described as fairly attractive and that he was quite popular with the girls. seeing just how deceiving he can be with a charming smile on, convinced me to put him under the banner of aphrodite.

with the omega he wants to court, kazutora has no shame making use of his powers to woo her. he'll manipulate her emotions so she can only find comfort in his arms. despite being an alpha, kazutora has a pretty delicate scent which makes you want to trust him. he's aware of his charm and makes a good use of it whenever he considers necessary.

he's hopelessly devoted and indulges in his passionate love a 100%, so he often comes off as intense and overwhelming. he doesn't care though, he loves his omega with a burning passion and you need to know it. people also need to stay put, as he's pretty jealous. he's not the son of love itself for nothing, if an opponent arises, he's quick to get rid of him.

as I said, kazutora is willing to manipulate you in order to get you under his watch. he wants to supervise his lover. as an alpha, he's even more protective and possessive, he's terrified of losing you to someone else. he'll shower you with compliments and affection, inevitably forcing you to let your guard down because he's just so kind. this will make it easy for him to keep you under his influence, whether you know it or not.

as a child of aphrodite, kazutora wants to make you fall in love with him, it doesn't matter if it's with a false image of him or if he had to manipulate you. he just wants his pretty omega by his side, the only one worthy of his love and worship.

kazutora still is a toxic person, he'll exploit your vulnerabilities and the trust you place in him, for his own gain. he could use guilt-tripping, gaslighting or emotional blackmail ; he has no morals. he wants you for himself and he'll use any ways he sees fit to achieve his dream of being the only one you think about. you're the only one on his mind, it should go both ways, otherwise kazutora will feel betrayed.

you often get confused at his behaviour. how can someone be so kind, soft and attentive to you, just to end up messing with your mind like that. you don't know what to think anymore and you're just left with kazutora as your compass, as he successfully got rid of anything susceptible to drive you away from him. you didn't even realise – with how sweetly overbearing his presence is – that he managed to make your cute little brain forget about everything else. your feelings, all over the place because of his sickly gentle smiles and words, made you solely focus on him to the point that you just couldn't find happiness in anyone else but him.

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ALPHA! MITSUYA (hera)

I think he could be a child of hera ; he's a great cook, responsible and reliable, independent and has his priorities straight. it's also confirmed that he's one of the best boyfriends of toman and I know alpha!mitsuya's dream is to build a family. the way he looks after his little sisters, despite his exhaustion, is a sign of how family oriented he is.

mitsuya is just so kind with his omega, reassuring, and a strong power you can count on. you don't fear anything when he's here, he's a protector and a provider. he has a deep sense of duty which compels him to keep you healthy and happy.

his omega is his joy, he's happy if you are. mitsuya is committed and view your relationship as something extremely serious he would never let go of. he expects the same devotion from his omega, as he values loyalty above anything else.

he wishes for you both to marry each other as he thrives in your presence. you can expect a merry domestic life with him, he takes care of you and keeps the relationship going with cute and funny date ideas. he has everything planned along for you, he wants to secure your future and make sure everything goes smoothly.

he also provides a stable environment for you, he approaches conflicts calmly and rationally, so you never stressed out whenever you have one of those rare arguments. your couple is healthy and lovely, mitsuya cuddles you each day, calls you whenever he has time and he's away ; he wants nothing more than to keep you safe, showering you with tender affection.

you'll never feel unloved or unsafe. hera is fierce and protective, she's also a jealous deity who sees her couple as almost sacred. mitsuya will eradicate any threats that might come your way. he'll go feral should his omega ever feel scared and distressed. it would mean that he failed as your alpha and mitsuya would feel more than defeated, crushed and will be desperate to make it up to you, to show you you can still rely on him. please give him a chance.

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ALPHA! BAJI (zeus)

baji is a son of zeus. he might not be the leader of toman, but he does have that central position with a ton lot of leadership qualities in him. he kind of is a mediator in a way, and cares for the people around him a lot, and they also look up to him, which gives him a lot of authority.

he's controlling and will absolutely get mad in the right situations. baji doesn't let just anyone near his omega, but he tries to take your opinions into consideration. he might be an alpha and therefore know better than you about whether something or someone is dangerous, but he'll let you do your own thing as long as he's there to watch and protect.

he wants a bit of control over you as well. as I said, his protective instincts are strong and very sensitive, he isn't delusional the way kazutora could be, but he's weary and suspicious. one wrong move and that man you were talking to is done for.

it might come out as small bursts of aggressiveness and anger, throwing earth shaking thunders whenever his omega's well being and honour are threatened. this behaviour of his truly is a shocking contrast to how soft and enamored he is with you. people are cautious around him, scared even, like they are walking around a volcano ready to burst. but you just have that privileged relationship with him, which allows you to let your guard down and jokingly mess with him. he lets you do about anything you want and accepts everything you do with a straight face and a satisfied scent.

baji wants to claim you. not just for everyone to see but to feel a connection with the one he devoted himself to. you're his whole world, you offer him stability and a place he can finally let go of all his worries and responsibilities. he wants nothing more than to solidify that strong link between the two of you.

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ALPHA! TAKEMICHI (hermes)

without any surprise, takemichi definitely is a son of hermes. be it the way he time travels, his smart personality (yes) ; he can think quickly and make the actual best decisions even if he doesn't realise it. despite being awkward, he communicates well and makes friends everywhere he goes, he's a people magnet and charms them unknowingly.

takemichi was able to court you with his naturally funny personality and playful banter. he's awkward ; and that's a good change you love to see in an alpha. he's not overwhelming and gives you your own space. he's respectful and values your opinions so much to the point that you might as well be his moral compass.

he has great principles and you would never abuse his kindness and dedication to you. but you can't help but notice how tamed he becomes whenever you're talking to him. if you tell or ask him something, he complies without a word.

in his eyes, you're glowing and smell so divinely good. are you sure you're not a goddess yourself ? because takemichi just can't get enough of you, as if he's hypnotized.

despite being surrounded by so many people, takemichi's eyes are solely set on you. he lives to make you laugh and is very sensitive about your emotions ; whenever you're down and feeling stressed, he quickly becomes a huge support. he calms you, reassures you by drowning you in his scent and praises. he knows exactly what to say.

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ALPHA! MIKEY (ares)

I don't think it surprises anyone as well, but I see him as a child of ares. although with his complex personality it's hard to rank him under a god for sure, but he shares the most traits with him, especially with his "dark impulse". he likes to fight, get into trouble and doesn't actively respect hierarchies. and not only does he love throwing hands, but he's particularly good at it, to the point of sparking fear and respect to his comrades and enemies alike.

mikey's personality as the son of ares isn't exactly that far from the reality. he's often violent, and for no particular reasons. but he's even more reckless whenever it involves his omega. along with provoking such violent urges, it also gives him another reason to beat someone up and he would never dodge that chance.

still, he's charismatic and despite everything, you find yourself drawn to him like a moth to a flame. he's so confident, jumping into any battles without an ounce of fear that your instincts can't help but feel at ease with him. you know you have nothing to fear ; mikey will protect you at the cost of his life. and his reputation also works like a charm to keep danger at bay.

mikey is jealous, and will become enraged if you were to show interest or affection for other men. instead of confronting you, he'll just erase them directly. that way, you have no other choice than to turn to him. if mikey keeps eliminating all of his concurrency, you'll soon come to realise that no other alphas can compare to him. you'll look at him with just as much love and desperation as he does. he doesn't care if he has to use his power and influence to keep you by his side, he'll do it with little to no regard for consequences. so what if you're mad or devastated, it was the right thing to do : a good alpha can't let bugs crawl around his omega.

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ALPHA! SHINICHIRO (apollo)

I hesitated between apollo and hephaestus, but I figured the only think he really shares with him is his ability to create, his love for machines and his technical skills. so I settled for apollo! shinichiro is a peaceful mediator, kind and compassionate, he sees the good in everyone and doesn't tolerate people without any sense of morality. he might not play any instrument and doesn't have a particular taste for music, but he has that healing and positive aura that draws people to him, kind of like takemichi.

in shinichiro's eyes, you're a joy to be around and he wants to keep that merry personality of yours by his side for as much as you'll let him.

I like to imagine alpha!shinichiro similar to who he was during the first timeline : a fierce and great fighter, with an abundant love for his family.

shinichiro nurtures an ardent affection for you, unwavering and he borderline worships you. he won't let anyone harm you, he'll fight for you, threatens anyone for you and do so much more. he has a sense of responsibility now that you're his, he can't let you down nor disappoint you. you'll see just how much of an infatuated man he is.

apollo is cruel and vengeful ; shinichiro doesn't tolerate any negative intentions towards his omega. he's observant and doesn't let second chances : if you disrespect his lover, you'll pay, end of story.

just remember apollo's love life, he's passionate and romantic. it goes beyond death and he's loyal to a fault. shinichiro knows you're the one, you make him believe in love at first sight.

just as any other god, apollo is jealous. this trait of his passed down to shinichiro, who actually acts out on this feeling secretly. he won't ever let you see such a bad side of him ; he's supposed to be your unshakable partner, calm and collected. he'll just claim you, scent you, appears more often with you during social outings. and if that still doesn't work, he'll have no choice but to be more violent. but you'll know none of this ; he'll remain confident and positive, with soft smiles and tender kisses.

he provides such a comforting space for his omega, soothing any of your worry with a radiant smile. you know he has everything under control, so you can abandon yourself completely to your alpha.

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ALPHA! IZANA (hades)

izana could be associated with so many deities but I'll settle for hades. his deranged thoughts and past actually make up most of his personality and explain his whole behaviour; he can't let go of any of his burdens and remains absolutely crushed and tortured by them. he feels lonely, betrayed and has so many negative emotions circling around him. he has trouble connecting with other people the way any normal person would, he's rude and direct, and you can even think he doesn't actually care about his comrades because of his aggressive actions.

contrary to hades, izana does let out his emotions a lot. he actually can't quite control them and is often a slave to his own feelings. he's crazily jealous and possessive, his instincts are all over the place, forcing him to keep you locked away somewhere he considers safe enough.

he hates those lusty eyes people have whenever you come by, he wants to just tear their faces apart. still, he does nothing, too preoccupied by the image you might have of him.

he's violent and pitiless, but there are times when he's self conscious and would hate himself if you were to tremble and cry from fear of him. sure it does help to keep you in check ; his omega should listen well, stay put and pretty, ready to obey him. but there's a limit he's not mentally ready to cross. don't hate him the way others do, don't look at him with a consuming fear he's so familiar to see in other's eyes.

you're one of the few people, if not the only, he lets himself be vulnerable around. he expects a devotion and willingness on your side to just do anything he asks. he won't hesitate to force you into submission, coating you with sweet words contrasting of his actions ; he doesn't know how to love and it will feel suffocating at times. but you manage.

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ALPHA! RAN (dionysus)

an easy one. dionysus is the god of wine and parties and likes to be the center of attention, although this could be more accurate for bonten!ran era. ran just loves to indulge in pleasures, participate in what one would consider as immoral and unholy. he actually couldn't care less about other people's opinions and simply enjoys what life has in store (brothels, alcohol, murder... you get it). ran is a red flag and he just enjoys chaos, he doesn't care about stability and just want to have fun. he's intense and often hard to decipher, making him a complex person.

ran is absolutely infatuated with you, he finds you intriguing, ridiculously pretty and your scent is intoxicating. how can he not desire your presence ?

being with you feels like a drug, you just can't leave his mind and that's why he can't let go of you either. he indulges fully into the pleasures of life and you just so happen to be the perfect embodiment of all the joys he seems to crave so openly.

he is sociable and there always seems to be a flock of people around him. he loves the attention, but yours particularly, to your surprise. you don't know what about you charmed him, why you of all people considering how popular he is. but here you are, glued to him and not exactly out of your own will.

ran wants you by his side, so you'll stay. simple as that. he's constantly burying his nose in the crook of your neck. you just smell so nice and every part of you is to die for. he extends predatory hands out to you, exploring your body shamelessly without any concerns for how you feel. he just wants to touch you, feel you and own you.

he's a great talker, he knows exactly what to tell you to make you behave the way he wants. if he doesn't like you around someone, he won't tell you directly, although he could, considering the power he has over you. but he'd rather make it fun : not letting you have any control over the situation and making you act a certain way all because he decided of it. like a puppet, you'll be under the good will of ran, you don't have a word to say.

despite this complex personality, he doesn't like when things get too complicated. yes he might enjoy tricking you and messing with your head, but he's all too open to fun and pleasure. so he's someone who'll spend his time having fun with you, never letting anything get boring.

as I said, he's possessive. he's an alpha and a demigod. you're both his plaything and partner, and he absolutely despises whenever someone tries to turn you away from him. just like how he looks for you first in a crowd, his omega can't have wandering eyes. he gets annoyed quickly when his fun is ruined by a stupid alpha, so he'll also get rid of the problem just as fast as it appeared. no time for gloomy and uncomfortable feelings !

he doesn't know any limits and doesn't seem to understand why you might have any. he'll let you do about anything to him, use him to satisfy any urge you might have, relieve your anger and envy however you like. just use him, just like he does with you. that's his definition of love and he can't help but levitate around you like a magnet. it's stronger than him.

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ALPHA! DRAKEN (poseidon)

I'm not satisfied with this pick, but draken works well as a son of poseidon. he's big and tall, imposing, but never goes too far, he knows how to regulate his strength as to not abuse it. he's protective and loyal, calm at times and especially when it's needed. he's a pillar to his team, toman, and people know they can count on him. he's stoic and you would never guess what's going on inside his head, although it doesn't mean he's aloof ; as I said, he's attentive and caring, he's both a shield and sword to his friends.

draken here is a bit similar to what I already wrote about him on my blog so I'll be quick.

it's painfully obvious you're his omega and you're not to be messed with. he's stable like the sea and you can't help but wish he'll let you stick with him. luckily, draken has heart eyes for you only, so he lets you have your own privileges.

it's sometimes so subtle you might not notice it. but draken does have a soft spot for you ; constantly checking up on you, asking you where you've been, what you did and with whom.

I know poseidon has a bad temper, he is proud and competitive. draken is all of the above but in a reasonable way, he doesn't go overboard. when he's in a stable condition, he knows he has the situation under control and doesn't even feel the need to keep you away. you're an omega sure, but he trusts himself enough that you don't need to be hidden.

as I said, he appears calm, but whenever he does get angry, albeit not that rare, it's always shocking and terrifying. he's so intimidating, he has that dark look which makes you want to lower your gaze, and his scent forces anyone to recognize his power.

he's so protective, gently cradling you in his arms if you're feeling scared. even if he knows you have nothing to be scared of – since he's there – he won't allow any negative emotions to crawl their way up to you. he's your shield to this particularly cruel world.

he will never judge you for how you feel : he's aware that omegas are more sensitive than alphas. he will therefore make sure you're never exposed to too much at once. he'll just assert dominance, both to keep you safe and to inform others that he's what they'll be confronted with if they ever approach you.

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ALPHA! TAIJU (ares)

another son of ares! I can't see him as anything else than that, taiju literally is the embodiment of war and violence. he has a quick temper, he easily gets annoyed and wants things to go his way. his solution to problems is to use his fists carelessly and he's not that reassuring, no matter who you are to him (friend, family, comrade or enemy). and I just know this man has a massive breeding kink, which would totally fit with ares, as he's a symbol of virility and masculine potency. this guy wants a lineage and to exert control over his omega.

same for him, I already described him pretty well in other posts so it will probably be repetitive.

taiju is unsurprisingly aggressive and thrives whenever he's surrounded by violence. he wants nothing more than to taste blood and feel the adrenaline a good fight gives him.

he wants you to look at him, to see just how strong your alpha is. be proud and feel safe. taiju is sending you painfully obvious messages of what will happen if he was to catch you cheating. you can be sure he'll never let it slide, he'll beat the hell out of anyone who looks at you and anyone you look at. by now, you learnt to never cross the eyes of anyone else for their own sake.

he's suffocating, his love is mean and jealous. you're his precious possession, don't leave his sight. he likes to see you look so small, he towers over you like he could crush your frail form if he didn't pay attention to how much pressure he was hugging you with.

this difference makes him feel in charge in the best way possible, he knows you can't resist him anyways. he loves that vulnerability of yours, how naive and dumb you can be. let taiju be the master of your decisions. as an alpha, he's way better suited to guide you than you are. please stay quiet and cute, just like always. he can't have his adorable omega tainted by unholy thoughts and disgusting people. you're so pure, you need to stay that way.

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ALPHA! KOKONOI (athena)

I was tempted to associate him to dionysus, but he doesn't have that extravagant personality and tendency of falling into the excesses. so athena is a pretty good pick I think. he's calm and collected, deeply loyal and ready to sacrifice himself for his loved ones, even going as far as giving up his morals. he's extremely smart and understands how everything works easily, he never strays from his goal once he has his mind set on it and his role as a money maker in his gang proves just how much his members trust him and recognize his reliability. moreover, he's not just brains, but knows how to fight pretty well, making him a great opponent.

he's cool headed most of the times. you're automatically attracted to him by his honesty and steadfast love for you. he wants the best for you and he'll give it to you in a heartbeat.

yes he does care about good and evil, what is right and wrong, but with his doe-eyed omega right in front of him, it's easy for him to just forget what morality is. he tries his best to add you into his virtuous life, but he often strays off from his righteous path if your safety is involved.

he's oftentimes composed and keeps his emotions his check, he doesn't get easily affected by the sorrows of others. but you're his weakness, and he hates your crying face despite everything. it bothers him so much to be this affected by you, but he slowly came to embrace his love for you, and life has never been easier.

he's so faithful. there's something about the both of you being so committed to one another that drives his mind crazy. he recognises you as one of his own, you're his omega and therefore, all of the people he interacts with need to show you the same respect he harbours for you.

just like athena is a defensive force, kokonoi has a strong sense of duty : he protects you without any fear. if he can't do that correctly then he has nothing to be proud of. it's a life rule at this point ; no harm should come across your silk-like skin.

he's possessive and does scent you a lot, but he doesn't want to come off as suffocating and too overpowering. he gives you your own time and space, letting you go away to cool off if you ever get mad at him. it does kill him to have you so far away from him and to know he's the reason of your annoyance, but he also knows what's best for your relationship and he doesn't want to risk anything he carefully built with you for so long.

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ALPHA! KAKUCHO (demeter)

I know this one will make a few brows furrow, but I just think it fits. demeter is kind and compassionate, just like kakucho. he has that protective role in the gang, especially towards izana and he's ready to ignore justice, morals and virtue in favour of his loved ones. he's similar in this way, to how protective demeter is with her daughter persephone. kakucho loves deeply and his fierce nature serves others, not his ideals or own goals.

kakucho is a kind alpha! he has no dirty thoughts and bad intentions towards you. he simply loves you and wish you would reciprocate his feelings.

he won't force anything on you, while being deeply involved in your relationship. he admires you and your generous personality. he thinks you're out of his league but still, he'll try to win your heart by exceeding every of your expectations.

just like demeter who's overly protective of her daughter, kakucho's main concern is his omega. it's getting repetitive but you need to know that an alpha mixed with a god can be nothing else if not possessive and protective.

kakucho reminds you of a warm home and you're always more than happy to jump into his arms, excited for his comforting hugs. he kisses your temple softly, whispers praises words of how pretty you look and caresses your knuckles with his thumb whenever he holds your hand.

it's literally written on his face that he loves you more than he values his life. he gets shy when you mention it but never denies it. contrary to some alphas, he isn't embarrassed to affirm that he indeed listens very well to his omega. he, who is supposed to be all big and intimidating, melts into a puddle whenever you call him over with a baby voice. god, he loves when you treat him so sweetly.

demeter also has a temper of her own and could become very fierce when angry. kakucho has that vibe as well, the feeling of a sleeping storm, awaiting the moment when someone will mess something up to burst.

he usually doesn't let his emotions control him, but when someone threatens him to steal you from him because he supposedly can't take care of you, he just explodes. kakucho will give anything he has and doesn't have for you, what right does a stranger have to quality him as competent enough or not ? although when his wrath has passed, he'll feel a bit self conscious and scared that some truth was hidden in his words. but if you do a great job at reassuring him and telling him how safe and giddy kakucho makes you feel, then he'll be fine as well.

[wonderlandwalker]

Proven Wrong | Finnick Odair x Reader

THG Masterlist / Taglist / Inbox

Summary: Finnick broke things off with you, but everything changes when he gets jealous

Content Warnings/Tags: Smut, mdni, porn with very little plot, jealousy, did not proofread, not even once

Word Count: 1.4k

A/N: There's a fifty-fifty chance this is horrible and my sleep-deprived brain is gaslighting me into thinking I need to post it but I guess there's just one way to find out. This is my first time writing Finnick smut and it's not what I used to but I'm also not mad at it, so enjoy this ( hopefully ) while I go have a panic attack in the corner second time today xx

You could see him looking at you, the way he trailed his eyes down the exposed skin your dress graced his eyes with. Wherever you went you could feel his presence burning from behind you. But you knew better than to give into it, because Finnick had made it clear you couldn't be together. Ever since you had returned from your games there had been a spark between you that you had wanted to feed, you wanted to give it oxygen to see how big it would get. But Finnick didn't want to feed the flame, because he was scared it would burn him down. And so you both went your ways, but you couldn't avoid each other.

Every capitol event and each hunger games you would see each other, you would see him looking at you with that longing in his eyes that made you wonder if this was really what he had wanted. But you didn't dare question it, because you had tried before, and all it had led to was a waste of energy. No, you wouldn't fall for that again. 

And you hadn't been doing it intentionally, you hadn't even noticed at first when Gloss got a little closer than usual or when his hand made its way to your waist. To be honest, you were quite enjoying yourself, and you had given up on the idea Finnick would turn around.

So when you did notice, you let him. You let Gloss whisper into your ear and you laughed at the silly joke he had made, and you weren't even sure if you were actually enjoying his attention or the attention in general.

But you didn't have much time to wonder before you were interrupted. A hand placed on your shoulder and a quick ‘can I borrow her for a second’ and you were being dragged into the hallway close by. If it hadn't been for the fact you recognized him from the smallest actions you would have been startled, but you could never be startled around him.

“What do you think you are doing” He sounded bitter, and maybe, just maybe you were glad you could get to him the way he would get to you.

“I'm having fun, what are you doing” 

“You know that's not what I mean, what are you doing with him” He had you cornered between himself and the wall, and he was so close that you could feel his heart beating in sync with yours, but after all this time you had spent trying to get over him, you weren't one to give in easy.

“You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore Finnick.”

The moment you told him you could see a flash of hurt pass his eyes, if you didn't know any better you would have sworn he looked like he regretted something.

But you pushed past the thought, and you pushed yourself free from him, going back outside to rejoin the party. As the night went on you kept looking at him, you kept looking and every time you did, his eyes would already be on you. He was watching you as if he hadn't told you he didn't want to be with you. 

In the beginning, it had been blissful, but it hadn't taken long for your relationship with Finnick to turn complicated, and in the end, it had broken like a glass that's been pushed towards the edge too many times, finally slipping off.

But when you excuse yourself a little while later and walk inside to get a moment of peace from the crowd outside, you meet him again. This time though, he doesn't even greet you, he’s immediately grabbing your arm and urging you to follow him up the staircase. You enter the first room you find and the moment he shuts the door behind you he’s on you as if it's his last chance to do so. He pushes you up against the door and grabs your legs, pleading with you to wrap them around him as his lips crash into yours. For a moment you want to let him, you want to bask in this euphoria of feeling him against you, but you have to remind yourself it will only be worse in the end.

“Finnick you need to stop.” You were trying to sound convincing, really, you were, but the way his fingers are roaming your skin makes you sink into him, and your voice sounds more like a plea. 

He’s moved his attention to your jaw, to your neck, and when he meets your pulse point you throw your head back against the door, but he still knows you, and before you can hurt yourself on it he’s bracing you with his other hand against the back of your head.

“Careful now, wouldn't want you to get hurt.” It’s ironic, you think, the way in which he seems to care so much all of a sudden when he didn't seem to care all this time before. But you still don't stop him, you don't stop him as he walks you over to the empty bed and you wouldn't dream of stopping him as he drops you down on it, hovering over you. His hands are everywhere and it feels as if he’s showing your skin an entire new kind of pleasure. His hands trail lower until he hikes up your dress and leans down to kiss a path up your thighs as if he’s following a map that will lead him to hidden treasure. 

If it had been anyone else, you would have felt ashamed, you would have cowered away at how quickly he was getting to you. You’re leaning into his touch and when you moan out his name, he says.

“I bet Gloss doesn’t make you feel as good as I can, does he?”

And you wouldn't know, because tonight had been the first time you really noticed him, but it brought out something in Finnick you’ve been trying to get for ages, and you're not about to tell him just yet.

“I thought you said we weren't together.” You want to see how far you can take this, because it’s not often you hold the upper hand. A dark look flashes through his eyes as you look at him and he doesn't say anything just yet, but he’s doubling his efforts as he gets closer to your core, and the moment he makes contact with your clit through your underwear, the moment you arch your back and moan his name again as he feels how wet you are for him, he regains the control.

“And I thought you said you were a good girl, guess we were both wrong.” He looks up again from where he had settled between your legs, and the hypnotizing effect he has on you makes you sink into the mattress as he gets back to his mission. His mouth is on you as if he’s been starving for months and you are the only thing that will salvage his hunger, your legs are tingling and he has to use his arm to keep you down. Before you know it he’s using his fingers and you swear you don’t care anymore what happens after this, whether he’ll leave you alone or not because right now, all you can think of is the way it all feels. You can feel his fingers curling inside you as he whispers praises to you, you can feel how close you are from the way your insides twist at his words, and you can feel the flood of relief as he tells you to let go, and you do. 

You’re breathing is still heavy as you feel the mattress dip beside you and when you open your eyes you see him looking at you.

“I’ve missed you.” He sounds like he’s trying to apologize, and in a way he is. Because he’s sorry for all the time he’s wasted and he’s sorry it took him this long to realize.

“I’ve missed you too Fin.” His eyes melt a little at the nickname, and he leans in to kiss you again. It’s much softer this time, and you just know it’s all going to be okay.

[rottenpumpkin13]

Let’s reverse the question, AGSZC get stuck in a timeloop COLLECTIVELY, what’s the first thing they do?

The Nibelheim Time Loop (from hell)

Nibelheim Loop #1

Cloud: Man, I had the weirdest dream last night.

Zack: One where Sephiroth burns your village down?

Cloud: That's so creepy! How did you know?

Zack: I had the exact same dream.

*Sephiroth walks up to them*

Zack: Sephiroth, did you have any weird dreams last night?

Sephiroth: I had a dream where I turned into an infant kangaroo and was taken from my mother at birth, deprived of the comfort of her pouch, and forced to work for Shinra. Years later I discovered my mother was complicit in denying me the pouch. Seeking solace, I found an artificial pouch from a robotic alien kangaroo mother. I then rode contentedly in her pouch as she burned everything around us to keep me warm.

Zack: A simple yes would've sufficed.

-

Nibelheim Loop #5

Zack: You're living the same day over and over too, right? I'm not going crazy?

Sephiroth: Actually, I just noticed that we're in a time loop this morning.

Zack: You burned down Nibelheim four times.

Sephiroth, gaslighting him: What a touching story.

Zack: !?

-

Nibelheim Loop #8

*Nibelheim is burning*

Cloud: WHY!? WHY?? WHAT EVEN IS THE POINT ANYMORE!? WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THIS?

Sephiroth, roasting marshmallows: Professor Hojo never let me roast marshmallows when I was a child. He claimed the sugar would provide excess dopamine, tricking my brain into thinking I could be happy and want more out of life.

Cloud: Shit man I had no idea

-

Nibelheim Loop #12

*Zack, Cloud and Genesis are holding Sephiroth down to keep him from entering the library*

Zack: QUIT IT! YOU ALREADY KNOW THE TRUTH!

Sephiroth: I YEARN.

Zack: FOR WHAT!?

Sephiroth: I YEARN.

-

Nibelheim Loop #16

*After tying Sephiroth up and sedating him*

Zack: There! Now he can't escape, and Jenova can't do mind control on him! Problem solved! No more Jenova cell people running around.

Zack:

Zack: *smells smoke*

Zack: That apple bastard.

-

Nibelheim Loop #23

Cloud: You know what!? This is a time loop! There are no consequences! I can go up to Sephiroth and kill him right now! Fuck it!

*Sephiroth walks up to him, Cloud punches his chest (nothing happens)*

Sephiroth: …..

*Cloud punches him again. He doesn't move*

Sephiroth: …..

*Cloud tries again. It's like punching a brick wall*

Sephiroth: Please stop fondling my chest.

Cloud: Oh my god.

-

Nibelheim Loop #36

Sephiroth: Am I….a human being?

Sephiroth: ….

*Sephiroth turns around*

Sephiroth: Where's Genesis?

Zack: He's not here, but he left this note. Here, let me read it—"Dear Sephiroth, I grew tired of flying from Banora to Nibelheim 35 times only to be met with disappointment, so I'm spending this loop in Costa Del Sol. Best Wishes, your friend, Genesis Rhapsodos."

Sephiroth: Wow. And he didn't even insult me this time.

Zack: "P.S.: No such luck kitty-boy you're a monster and yer mum's an alien. Get rekt."

Sephiroth:

-

Nibelheim Loop #???

*At the library*

Zack: Sephiroth! Stop!

Sephiroth: Each time I return here, my mind becomes clearer, more adept at absorbing information. This only fuels my bitterness and resentment, rather than allowing me to grow accustomed to it. I think this time I'll burn—

*Vincent appears and knocks him out with a pipe*

Zack: Woah! You got sick of the time loop too?

Vincent: What time loop?

Zack:

-

*The next day, after the time loop is broken*

Vincent: I'm glad I could be of assistance.

Cloud: Who would've thought that would end the time loop.

Vincent: Yes. It appears all Sephiroth needed was paternal discipline.

Cloud, gasping: You mean....? You're...?

Vincent: Yes. I'm Sephiroth's parent—

Cloud: !!

Vincent: —tal figure since I was in love with his real mother and his father is Professor Hojo, a role I've assigned myself purely due to the fact that I see myself as his primary caregiver during trying times, which is how an adequate father should act.

Cloud:

Vincent: Not that I would know.

[starry-eyedblog]

pain meds

ghost/soap/female reader

wordcount: 3,591

warning/tags: 18+ smut, non con, sexual assault dark themes, taking advantage, medications, lying, manipulation, gaslighting, pussy eating, grinding/humping

authors note: first long fic here, woohoo! pls do not read this if it's nae yer cup of tea. i'm trying to write darker themes and nae feel guilty, and here was the first thing my brain made so pls enjoy! also am i projecting a bit? aye, but it's fine!

─── ☆ ─── ☆ ─── ☆ ─── ☆ ───

it’s been a rough, tiring day and your body just cannot handle it anymore. you’re currently sat in the lounge, curled up on the worn out couch. you’ve been wanting to go to your bedroom for twenty minutes now but every time you move to get up, pain spikes through you. seems you’ll have to bite the bullet soon though.

“ye awright hen? yer lookin’ a bit peely-wally.” soap comments as he walks into the lounge with ghost behind him. you don’t bother to move your head up to stare into their eyes, keeping your face pressed into one of the flat cushions.

soap sits across from you, while ghost takes the space next to you on the couch, your knees pressing together due to him man spreading. “am fine soap, just sore.” you shrug him off, desperate to just get into your bedroom where your meds are. “c’mon, tell us what’s up.” ghost responds, his voice gruff and slightly muffled from his balaclava.

you want to shrug him off too, but now that both men are staring down at you with concern, theres no point trying to lie or ignore them. “it’s just my chronic pain. been really bad all day.” you say quietly. both men let out soft exhales at your answer, but soap is first to speak up. “need anythin’?” he asks, not taking his eyes off of you.

a light groan leaves you as you move slightly on the couch and pull your face out of the pillow, looking over at soap. “my pain meds, been wanting to get off the couch for ages now to lay down and take them.” you chuckle weakly and ghost is fast to answer. “want me to grab them and bring them through?” he asks, looking down at you with beady brown eyes.

“no no it’s alright, need to take them in my room.” you say weakly, pushing the blanket off of your body as you try stretch your legs out which sends a sharp pain through you. “why can’t you take them through here?” ghost questions, his eyebrow raising slightly. “long story short, they get me high off my face and i only feel comfortable taking them in my room.” you answer truthfully, looking at ghost.

“fit are ye on?” soap asks innocently, smiling kindly at you which makes you feel warm inside. “codeine, strongest dose.” you tell him, to which soap makes a low whistle. “yer on the proper strong stuff.” he chuckles, glancing at ghost who returns the eye contact. “assuming that you don’t take it often then.” ghost chimes in, looking down at you as you try stretch your limbs out.

“god no, wouldn’t be able to function. only take them when it’s real bad, can barely think let alone focus on them. it’s like my brain goes fuzzy.” you explain, all your words sinking into both mens minds and being stored away. “and you’re all alone when you take them?” ghost asks curiously. “yeah? i mean, the meds make me drowsy and tired so i wouldn’t be good company.” you chuckle before you’re pushing yourself off the couch and stretching with a low whine.

a few of your joints crack loudly as you stretch out a little, the pain spiking and ebbing away a few times. “well, i’m gonna go take them now. i’ll see you in a few hours.” you say softly, waving at both men who watch you. “dinnae be silly hen, we’re nae leavin’ ye alone in that state.” soap responds, standing up and stepping towards you as ghost gets off the couch.

“what are you on about?” you ask with a raised eyebrow and confused expression. “just like soap said, we’re gonna take care of you. would be pretty awful of us to let you suffer alone like that.” ghost answers, his voice stern to let you know theres no way of changing his mind. “that’s very kind of you guys but i can deal with it myself, like i have been for the past year.” you answer with an amused chuckle, but both men don’t laugh or smile which causes you to stop.

neither man speaks, and for a moment there is this uncomfortable tension that has you desperate to scurry away. “we’re teammates, gotta look out for one another.” ghost responds, and you feel your heart flutter slightly. they just want to help, look after you for a bit. and god, does that sound good. even though you can handle it usually, it’s still a whole ordeal to go through, and to have not one, but two of your close teammates help just a bit. it sounds really good.

“you sure?” you ask, wanting to know for definite. “aye hen, we’re sure.” soap responds, taking another step forward to wrap a strong arm around your waist and guiding you back to your room. well, no turning back now you think. ghost follows behind, watching soap support you back to your bedroom. once you make it, you feel soap’s arm pull away and you sit down on your neatly made bed, a sigh leaving you as you fall back and lay down on the clean duvet.

“just tell us what you need, we’ll get it for you.” ghost mumbles, looking around your room and spotting the packets of pills on your bedside table, as well as the full boxes of the codeine that has several warnings in red on it. “you really weren’t kiddin’ when you said they were strong, huh?” ghost comments, looking back at you as you lay on your bed.

a soft chuckle leaves you as you shake your head slightly, not saying anything as you push yourself up and rearrange your blankets and pillows to get comfy. “if you could make a hot water bottle and grab me a bottle of water, that would be perfect.” you say, looking up at both men that tower over your bed. ghost nods, grabbing the empty hot water bottle from your bed and leaving, making his way to the kitchen.

“so chronic pain eh? first time a’ve heard of that from ye.” soap says as he sits down on your bed, next to you but with his legs hanging off the side, feet firmly placed on the floor. you look over at him and shrug your shoulders sheepishly. “just never felt the need to tell anyone aside from price. it only gets really bad when i’ve pushed myself way too far.” you explain and soap nods in response. “were ye born with it?” he asks, head tilting to the side slightly and all you can see is a puppy when you look at him, his big blue eyes staring into yours with curiousness.

“yeah, so not much i can do about it.” you smile, a bit of sadness behind your words that soap notices but doesn’t say anything on. he doesn’t reply, unsure of what to say and instead sits a little closer to you. “well at least we can take care of ye, eh? deserve a break.” he says comfortingly, placing his hand on your thigh to give it a light pat which sends a soft blush across your face.

soon enough, ghost is making his way back into your bedroom with a hot water bottle and a fresh water plastic bottle. he doesn’t say anything, placing the plastic bottle on your bedside table and the hot water bottle next to you on the bed. you thank him softly, sliding the hot water bottle behind your back and pressing it into your lower back as you sit propped up with your pillows.

without a word, ghost is grabbing one of the half empty packets of your codeine tablets and handing it to you, where you pop too white pills out and swallow them down with the water. “so, how long till they kick in?” ghost asks, sitting down on the comfortable chair at your desk you use frequently. “uhm, around fifteen to thirty minutes. and when they hit, they hit strong.” you explain with a chuckle.

“we’ll keep ye company, pet.” soap says with a smile, still sat on the bed near you, his hand no longer touching your thigh. you’ve known these two men for about a year now, worked several missions together and trained together. you’ve gone for drinks, attended parties and events but somehow, never spent time in the others bedroom for more than five minutes. even though you’re nervous, to be around others on your meds, you have an underlining trust with them. after all you’ve gone through in your line of work, you kind of have to.

during the twenty minutes from when you swallowed down your pills, the three of you engage in casual conversation, talking about work and family life. it’s mostly soap talking but ghost chimes in enough for it to feel like a three way conversation that has you relaxing. once it hits around half an hour, you can feel the codeine take affect, your eyes unfocusing slightly and your brain feeling fuzzy around the edges. your body goes limp against the covers, shoulders untensing.

both men notice the change, how your sentences start to become more simpler and how it takes you longer to respond to the conversation. “that codeine kicked in then, hen?” soap asks with a chuckle and you groan, curling into your self a little as the drug starts to dig it’s claws in deeper and make you feel disorientated. “yeah,” you mumble, grabbing for your water to chug the cool beverage that feels like heaven sliding down your throat.

ghost and soap exchange a look that you miss as you chug the water bottle, soon putting it back on your bedside table as you feel weight on your bed beside you. was someone in your bed? when did that happen?

you look over, ghost now beside you while soap stays sat on the edge of your bed. “huh?” you ask, confused as to why they’ve moved closer. “grounding, will help keep you calm.” ghost murmurs as he wraps his strong arms around your frame and pulls you back so his chest is flush with your back, legs entangled on the duvet. a soft whine leaves you, not understanding what’s really happening and why ghost is holding you.

but it feels really nice, god it feels better than that. to have this shred of comfort while you’re in this state, it’s soothing and you’re grateful for it. you don’t answer, instead sinking into his touch as you lay there and let the codeine suck the pain away. soap watches on silently, taking in the sight before one warm hand is being rested on your calf, not moving.

“yer oot of it, aren’t ye?” soap asks as your eyes flutter shut and you press your face into the pillow for the cool relief it provides. “huh? no m’not.” you grumble after the words finally sink into your fuzzy brain, taking longer than normal. both men laugh at this, knowing it’s a lie.

“sure love,” ghost mutters into your shoulder, his balaclava brushing against your skin and causing you to flinch, your sense of touch heightened from the drugs which makes soap grin. “sensitive wee lass.” he says as his hand now moves up your calf and to your thigh slowly, rubbing at the warm skin which makes your thighs twitch and subconsciously try to shut, but soap’s strong hand stops them.

“eager, aren’t you mactavish?” ghost teases, looking at soap from over your shoulder, his eyes showing smugness. “fuck off ye bawbag, ah ken you are too.” he mutters, glaring at ghost as his hand grips at your thigh a little tighter which pushes a confused whine out of you. “shh, you’re okay.” ghost whispers, his voice gravely and sending a pulse straight down to your core.

“wh-what are you guys doing?” you groan, your eyesight slightly blurry around the edges as you slowly open your eyes and push yourself up a little to look over at soap who sends you a cheeky grin. “takin’ care of ye pet, lay back doon.” soap commands in a sickly sweet voice, and who are you to deny him?

ghost presses a flat palm to your chest and pushes you back down into the bed, his arm then coiling around your waist giving you no room to move or wiggle. “just needed someone to look after you, eh?” ghost rumbles quietly, watching the way soap’s hand teases at your thighs, dipping into your inner thigh for a moment or two before pulling back. “go on then, touch her.” ghost orders with stern eyes, which makes soap’s head perk up.

“you heard what i said, touch her.” ghost repeated, his voice a little lower as he watches the words compute in soap’s brain. soap isn’t one to disobey orders, and soon his hand is ghosting over your crotch, lightly pressing on your clit. you gasp and whine, face pressing into the pillow. your meds have always made you sensitive, made you feel like an exposed, raw wire.

soap’s pressure soon becomes harsher, pressing harder and harder onto your clit as you gasp and whine pathetically, trying to writhe in ghosts hold. “want more hen? huh?” soap chuckles, looking up at you as he cups your crotch. the codeine starts to sink in even further, meddling with your brain and for a moment you stay silent, trying to convey a sentence or even a couple words.

“words, love.” ghost whispers into your ear, his balaclava pressing against your flushed ear. “wh-why do i feel..” you trail off, trying to find the word somewhere in your drug induced state. “good?” you finish after a moment, and both men chuckle condescendingly at your words. “wonder why.” ghost comments as soap begins to pull your pyjama shorts off.

it doesn’t take long for soap to get them down and off your legs, thrown to the side without care as he leans down between your thighs and brushes his thumb slowly down your clothed cunt. all that lies between the two of you is your simple black underwear, making the touch even stronger. you gasp out as he pressed down on your clit, his other arm wrapping around your thigh to get closer.

“put that tongue to good use, yeah?” ghost says smugly, looking at soap who growls quietly before he’s ripping your underwear off and delving into your cunt like a starved man. you cry out, back trying to arch as your fingers frantically grab at your duvet. soap runs his wet tongue over your slit, making his way up to your clit while ghost combs one of his big hands through your hair. “feels good huh? you like johnny between your legs, isn’t that right?” he whispers into your ear, his hand thats wrapped around your wait tightening ever so slightly.

you let out a high whine, groaning as you turn your head to the side quickly which causes you to feel dizzy and fazed, panting softly into the pillow. is… is johnny eating you out right now? god you can’t even wrap your brain around that right now, your drugged mind too fried by the pleasure to think much. short, pathetic whimpers leave you as johnny continues to eat you out with no remorse, your wetness dripping down his chin and soaking his face.

your hips buck up several times without you realising, your eyes rolling back as you drool onto your pillow. soap is groaning into your slick cunt, his fingers digging painfully into your thighs so you can’t escape even if you wanted to. his tongue is thrusting into your soaking hole, paying no attention to your clit as he enjoys your whines and gasps. he isn’t doing this for you, he’s doing it for himself.

ghost watches the scene before him, his trousers growing tighter and tighter around his crotch. (he was already hard at the idea of you powerless against him and soap). he slowly runs his big hand up to your chest, sneaking under your t-shirt and bra to reach your puffy nipple that he meanly tugs on. a soft cry leaves you, the touch too rough causing you try squirm away but it’s useless. he chuckles softly at your reaction, resting his chin on your shoulder as his hips roll up and grind against your arse.

a quiet sigh of relief leaves ghost as he grind his hips up, finally getting some touch to his neglected cock as he continues to toy with your nipples. your entire body is boneless between the two soldiers as you take all they are giving you. it’s too much, your mind unable to fully comprehend if this is real or some wet dream you’re currently having after being knocked out by your pain meds.

you’re not sure if it feels like five minutes or five hours, soaking in the pleasure and mean touches while your mind fizzles away from the codeine. soon enough it grows too strong and you’re falling asleep with soap’s tongue inside you and ghost’s bulge against your backside. they watch as the meds lull you into a deep sleep, head pressed into the pillow and mouth agape. this doesn’t stop soap though, he stays between your thighs for several more minutes, his hips soon grinding down into the mattress and humping like a dog in heat until both men are coming in their boxers.

the two of them tidy you up and tuck you into bed with your underwear and shorts back on, not leaving a single trace of themselves as they exit your room and go off to do their own separate stuff. it’s not until a few hours later that you wake up groggy and alone, your room now dark. you squint your eyes, looking to your left and making out the half drunk bottle. you waste no time in snatching it and gulping down the water before clumsily climbing out of bed.

you try to recall what happened before you were knocked out, vague memories of soap between your legs and ghost behind you. they sexually assaulted you… right? or was it all just a twisted wet dream? you’re sure you really felt them touching you but you’ve woken up all alone without a single bit of evidence to back up your accusation.

you saunter out of your room, not looking too good as you try track down both men which doesn’t take long as you find them in the lounge, quietly talking between themselves. “oh, there ye are hen. were ye takin’ a nap like?” soap asks, seeing you walk into the room with a confused expression. they take in how disoriented you are and do their best not to laugh. in their eyes, you look just like a lost puppy.

“what? you knew i was asleep. the both of you took me through to my room and.. and you touched me after i was all drugged up.” you frown, accusing them while you stand in the doorway. ghost chuckles quietly, staring up at you. “bad dream?” he asks, causing soap to laugh.

“fit de ye mean drugged up? did ye take somethin’? is that why yer accusing us of being perverts?” soap asks, a questioning expression on his face as your face contorts to confusion. “huh? i told you guys, how i take codeine sometimes for my chronic pain?” you say, not sounding totally convinced as you slowly sit down on the couch across from them. “codeine? chronic pain? first time a’ve heard of that love.” ghost replies, leaning forward a little to look at you a bit more intently which has goosebumps rising over your skin.

“i told you guys this already, and then yo-you took advantage of me. i remember it.” you mumble, feeling more and more defeated as the conversation continues. “think those meds have scrambled yer brain a tad pet, that never happened. codeine is pretty strong, sure it’s nae just them messin’ wit ye?” soap responds, concerned as he looks at you and it makes you feel even worse, the guilt starting to eat up at you as you see how sincere they are. did you truly just make all this up in a dream? it’s common for your meds to blur the lines between dream and reality, you’ve fallen victim to it many a time.

you feel absolutely mortified now, rushing out of your room to accuse two of your close friends of sexual assault, thank god no one else was around to hear your accusations.“…i gu-guess so. i’m really sorry guys, my meds they always play with me. make things feel real and make other things feel like dreams. im-im so sorry for accusing you of that.” you usher out, the embarrassment washing over you. both of them shake their heads, “it’s okay darlin’. we forgive you, ain’t that right johnny?” ghost says, glancing over at soap who smiles. “course, nae hard feelings hen.” he responds and looks over at you.

you let out a sigh, your hands running through your hair as you close your eyes. “can’t believe i thought that was real.” you chuckle weakly, leaning back into the couch and soap laughs softly. “so you gonna tell us fit happened in that wee dream of yers then?” he teases playfully and you flush pink, shaking your head frantically. “god no,” you utter and soap laughs again at your embarrassment, ghost joining in.

@alwaysshallow

@juvenillia

[lorynna]

Everything about being a lesbian has been destroyed for me and is now tainted with sadness. Everything. Even LGB community. Even women's rights. My experience in all those spaces, I'm tired.

I always wanted to publish a lesbian love story. Now all the lesbian publishers are captured by gender ideology, so are all the successful lesbian writers. Everybody gaslights us we are evil because we won't accept the lie men can be lesbians, even though it provably disadvantages lesbians. I'm so hurt, so lonely, so full of rage and bewilder words seem a silly tool to try to convey any of it. I have so much hatred in me. Must be nice not to have to carry this. I've been fighting gender for years. I think I have to step away for my mental and physical health, which are already shot. It would be so nice not to be here.

Hello anon,

first of all, I get your frustration and your anger. I really do.

It's one thing to roam around reading posts on Tumblr or other social media, then turning off the phone and not being confronted by it anymore.

But it's a whole different thing to face everything again each time you want to enter a safe space in daily life that should have been for you but has been overtaken by gender brainrot ideology and overall people that don't belong there.

I am sorry your experiences inside of those spaces have let you down. You should still be proud of who you are and for being brave enough to not give up on your beliefs just for the sake of comfort, because I know how hard it is to keep holding onto them and how easy it would be to turn your brain off and stop caring and just going with the flow of society.

And you should most definitely still write that book! Everytime I read a novel about a sapphic relationship and then some kind of woke gender ideology nonsense gets mixed into it I cannot help but roll my eyes. You could really make a difference and I bet many other women would appreciate that book. Even if you just write it for the sake of you having fun by doing so - please proceed!

Taking a step back for your mental and physical well-being is always good and I hope you can find some peace during that time. Try to find some like minded community! It might help to find some support here and there!

[always-andromeda]

·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ 𝐋'𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐋 𝐃𝐔 𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐄

𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐓𝐖𝐎 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ✯ Jeff (Gone Girl) x Fem!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ✯ 3197

𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 ✯ “Tell me you want me back. Tell me I'm forgiven.” + the toxic exes trope

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ✯ listen, I know this dirtbag had probably a whopping four minutes of screen time in Gone Girl but it's Boyd and I love a good scruffy Boyd character. I'm weak for greasy men, sue me (please don't I would never financially recover).

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ✯ smut (minors, do not interact), vaginal sex, slight overstimulation, mentions of jail, alcohol, and cigarettes, pet names (princess, honey, girl), Jeff is lowkey super manipulative and kind of gaslight-y lmao (please understand that this is fiction and I do not condone that kind of behavior in real life), sliiiight mentions of pregnancy lmao, that's all I can think of! let me know if I need to add more!

(mdni banner template credit goes to @cafekitsune!!)

Absentmindedly you watched your neighbor Darlene's television. With a thin layer of static warping the picture, you were hardly motivated to follow the plot of the true crime show that played out. So when Darlene spoke from her place on the other side of her couch, it caught your attention quickly.

“You hear Jeff's back in town?” she asked thickly as she took a puff from her cigarette.

Though she was hardly one for pulling your leg, you held your breath and answered wearily, "You're joking, right?"

Darlene simply laughed snidely before answering, "Folks are already sayin' he got let out on good behavior."

"Bullshit," you spoke through your teeth.

"Amen, sister." Then she added with a nod in your direction, "What the hell are you gonna do when he comes sniffin' around again?"

"He should know better than that by now."

"But he doesn't. He's a fuckin' idiot. You should know that better by now," Darlene shot you a look that was meant to be patronizing.

You rolled your eyes and insisted, "He ain't gettin' any more of my time than he's already gotten. If he knows what's good for him, he'll give it up."

"We're talking about the man who robbed the same liquor store three times? Same motherfucker, right?"

You snorted, "I never said he's the sharpest tool in the shed..."

"That's a fuckin' understatement. Honey, the Lord poured his brains in with a teaspoon and somebody joggled his arm."

Now that made you double over with laughter. But obviously Darlene didn't find her joke nearly as funny as you did. Because once you recovered, getting out the last of your wheezes and catching your breath, she moved her cigarette from one hand to the other and laid the free one over your knee.

Her touch was firm, the seriousness of the situation saturating her tone. She knew better than anyone in the park how Jeff had stomped on your soul over and over again. She'd been there for the sleepless nights when your entire being was wracked with sobs and shakes over him. He wouldn't talk to you. He cheated again. He ran off. Going to jail for petty theft was your last straw. 

You were only a handful of months removed from the day you vowed to Darlene that you weren't calling or sending him letters anymore. And she knew just as well as you that it was for your own good that you didn't underestimate his gravitational pull.

"Don't let him in, honey," she spoke softly. "He's just gonna to break your heart again."

With the smoke from her cigarette wafting above your heads and your eyes already starting to water, you blinked quickly and nodded even faster. Darlene removed her hand and went back to staring at the television screen. You tried your best to shake her words off, to forget that weary look in her eye that said she didn't quite believe your conviction.

So you cleared your throat and fiddled with your fingers before awkwardly declaring, "You should get Travis to straighten out your antennae. Can hardly see that John Walsh through the static." And you zoned out as Darlene grumbled about how she'd asked that husband of hers to fix it ages ago.

You tried not to give a shit about what Darlene thought about you or Jeff. He wasn't good, no. But she didn't know him like you did. Nobody did. Not even Jeff himself.

It was three days after that when Jeff showed up. And you tried to ignore it, you really did. The second you peeked out your kitchen window and caught a glimpse of his beat up Ford pickup pulling into your driveway you rushed around the trailer drawing the curtains quickly before sitting cross legged on your couch and lowering the volume on your television.

Your hand shook around the remote. He'd pound on the door and you'd chew on the inside of your cheek just hoping he'd take the goddamn hint.

"C'mon, darlin'. I know you're in there. Keith told me you had today off," came his voice calling from the other side of your trailer door. You couldn't ignore that. He would never let you ignore it.

Throwing the remote aside, you stormed towards the door and opened it. As soon as he was presented with an entrance, Jeff was eager to use it, forcing his way in and attaching his lips to your neck.

For a split second you leaned into it and let him get the chance to really sink his teeth in. And fuck, it felt fantastic to have him near you again. It was the painful burn of moonshine and the comforting warmth that flooded your chest afterwards. And you had to quit before he got the chance to destroy you again.

You pushed him away, glad that the first sound he heard from you is one of disgust instead of a moan.

Jeff chuckled lowly, "Well, nice to see you too, princess."

You returned the once over that he gave you. You didn't even know what you were searching for. He'd hardly changed. The smell of cigarette smoke on him was only slightly masked by cheap soap and a bit of his musk. And that damn sleeveless denim button-up exposed a little too much of his chest for your liking. Not only that but it showed off his broad shoulders and toned arms. They're marked with tattoos that you'd once memorized the lines of. The sight of them now made your throat ache with some sort of nostalgia.

"What are you doing here?" you managed to ask.

Jeff stared back at you with a strange expression. "To see you. Why else would I be here?" Then, with open arms he added, "I'm home. Ain't that good enough?"

You shook your head and scoffed, "No, absolutely not. This isn't your home–"

"Since when did you kick me out?"

"Since you got yourself thrown in jail, Jeff. Since I stopped talking to you. Since right now, where I'm telling you that we aren't together anymore."

To your surprise, Jeff merely clicked his tongue and shook his head before looking back up at you with those baby blue eyes that were always primed to get exactly what they wanted out of you. "You know, you've always been good at workin' yourself up over nothin'. Somethin' tells me you're just confused. And once I get you back in that bedroom, I'll straighten you out. How's that sound?"

You wanted to be angry. Hell, you wanted to scream and pound on his chest until he finally got the message that you didn't need him anymore. Darlene's concern surfaced in your mind. But the growing hum between your legs was louder than any sort of rationality that Darlene could've inspired within you. And bigger than that...his words hit harder than you thought they would and he knew it.

He smiles slyly before encroaching your personal space again. "C'mon, princess, tell me you want me back. Tell me I'm forgiven. And I'll take care of you again, just like I always do," his breath is warm against your lips and his grip on your hips steady like an anchor. He keeps you from swaying too much. Because you feel like you could faint at the promise of intimacy with him again.

You missed it. You weren't afraid to admit it to yourself. You missed him.

You missed sharing cigarettes in the bed of his truck as you both stared up at the stars. You missed him stealing kisses (and other, more devious touches) when your manager wasn't looking as you waited tables. You missed waking up in the morning. The momentary panic as you'd feel around for him behind you. Then the flood of relief when you'd feel his solid body; when you'd feel him stir and pull you back into his arms. As much as you hated the sound of it, you missed feeling like you belonged with him. You missed that unwarranted pride that used to swell in your chest knowing that no matter how much trouble he'd get himself into, he'd always come crawling back home to you.

That was the thing that made you fold. The thought that made you kiss him softly and murmur, "I forgive you."

It didn't stay soft; things rarely did when they involved Jeff. His fingers dug into your thighs greedily but made their way to your backside as you straddled him. It was so easy to fall into the pattern you'd once had with him. Whether it was in his truck, the back alley of a bar, the bathroom at your work, or the bedroom you'd once shared with him, Jeff was always the same. Always equal parts cocky but needy.

He'd keep you firmly in place on your lap and roll his hips, sending a shock wave directly to your core that made you squirm for more friction.

"You gettin' frustrated already, girl? You can't be patient for me?"

Then the next breath he'd take was closer to a gasp as you nipped and licked at his Adam's apple. The taste of his skin was lace with the salt of sweat and the burn of bourbon with none of the sweetness. Maybe that's what you liked most about being with him. He was infuriating, yes. But he was straight forward. He didn't try to hide all of his awfulness from you. And part of you wondered if he only allowed you to see it because you accepted it.

Either way, it was worth it. It was worth the heartbreak to hear the sound of him groaning while you worked him up.

"Says the man who jumped my bones the second he got home," you giggled.

"What can I say? I missed ya'."

"I think you missed something in particular about me more than anything else," you eyed him teasingly.

Adorned with that southern charm, he reproached you, "Oh, princess. I missed all of you. Missed those eyes, that smile..." he trailed off with a suggestive look, " how those pretty lips–"

You smacked his shoulder before he could finish the thought.

Jeff only laughed then continued, "But, yes, if you're really dyin' to hear it. I think I missed that pussy of yours terribly. Missed stretchin' it out and hearin' you scream. Missed makin' it all wet. I think she was prettiest like that. All puffy and beggin' to be filled."

Every word fell from his lips low and slow like honey. And it only served to glue up your insides and make your head heavy with the weight over overwhelming arousal.

"Aww," Jeff pulled back your bottom lip lamely with his thumb before letting it snap back in place; just another sign of how thoroughly you were wrapped around his finger. "Look at how worked up my girl is. So dumb and she hasn't even been fucked yet. You're adorable, princess. How about we get you out of those clothes, hm?"

You nodded quickly. Jeff tapped your ass and you were on your feet, working to shed your too tight jeans and the shirt that was rubbing uncomfortably at your hardened nipples. It wasn't a graceful display, but Jeff wasn't making an effort either as he leaned back slightly and unbuckled his belt before swiftly pulling himself out.

You'd forgotten how enticing his cock was to look at. He wasn't the biggest or the thickest you'd ever seen, but that didn't matter. What made sparks erupt inside of you was that slight curve. You knew just how that groove felt when it was inside of you and nothing excited you more than when you were back on his lap.

Taking a hold of his length, you slowed when Jeff hissed sharply. "Gotta be gentle on me now, alright? Been almost a year since I've had you and I'm not bustin' a load before I can make you come, you hear me?"

Once again, you nodded. And Jeff smirked, pleased at your compliance.

Lining him up and lowering down, you both breathed in deeply once you were slotted together again. Judging by the way he squeezed his eyes shut and gripped your thighs, you knew he was right at home buried inside you again.

With a sob at the edge of his tone and his forehead pressed against yours, he whispered, "Fuck, I missed you so much, honey." It was so soft that you doubted he'd repeat the admission.

And you figured right. Not even seconds after you got the feeling that he was simply enjoying your presence, Jeff was moving your hips, slightly thrusting into you. You matched his pace, bouncing on the balls of your feet and grabbing his shoulders for support on the lumpy mattress.

That mattress had been witness to many fucks. But this one was probably your favorite of them all with the way Jeff was breathing deeply and pressing the occasional messy kiss to your swollen lips. And before too long, Jeff took over almost entirely as he quickened the pace.

"Thought you wanted to go slow?" you whimpered. "I'm not quite there yet, Jeff, I–"

"Then hurry up, I'm gettin' close." Nearly out of breath, he moaned, "Fuuuuck, I need it. I need to come inside you, princess. Need to fill you up. Need you to be mine."

This was a side of him you'd only seen a few times before. The sloppiness of his ruts and his solid hold on your body; he was desperate. And he only ever got like that when he was worried he was losing you. He'd fuck you like it was the last time he'd be able to. Like he was dedicating every last sensation from your smell to your sound to your touch to his mind.

As much as it worried you, you were adamant to reach your own high. You reached down and began to quickly circle your clit with a deft hand. All those nights without him...you'd gotten real good at getting yourself to the edge on your own.

"That's it, baby, touch yourself for me. Make a mess on me," Jeff begged.

At this point, he was thrusting so deep that the curve of his cock was brushing right at the sensitive, spongy bit deep inside of you. The place that made you throw your head back with a strangled cry as the invisible electricity of your climax overpowered your being. Jeff followed soon after, his spend painting your walls as they fluttered weakly. With a few more weak ruts as he was emptying out the last of himself inside, you were whimpering from the overstimulation.

But Jeff had never been merciful. "C'mon, baby, you can take it. I've got ya," he mumbled. When you pressed your face into his shoulder, he held you by the nape of your neck and kept you in place until he was satisfied.

After he finally let you go, you rose on shaky legs to retreat to your bathroom for cleanup. But you lose yourself looking in the mirror. You caught the thin sheen of sweat covering your skin and the goosebumps that were now erupting over it in the cool bathroom. You were a tangled up mess. And all you had to show for it was messy hair, the remnants of your mascara smeared under your eyes, and a dull soreness between your legs. He'd fucked you so well that if he went back to jail the next day, you were sure you'd be satiated until the next time he came back. You tried not to linger on the thought for too long.

You flicked off the bathroom light and padded back into the bedroom where Jeff laid, arms folded behind his head lazily on his pillow. Settling down beside him carefully, Jeff was quick to pull you towards him. For a few seconds there was quiet. Just the sound of crickets and country music playing faintly from a radio from some other trailer.

"You're still mine, right?" he asked out of nowhere.

Your body and your mind spent, you were exhausted. Your eyelids threatened to give up on you any second. And you barely heard what he'd said. But this configuration was familiar enough that you let out a weak hum before nuzzling closer into his side, figuring it was a satisfactory response.

You'd never know if it was though. Because the last piece of Jeff you'd get before falling asleep was the feeling of his lips leaving a chaste kiss on your forehead.

Nearly two months went by. You hadn't heard from him. Because of course you hadn't. You'd simply woken up the morning after he came back home, felt around the bed behind you for a few seconds only to be met with nothing. The sheets on his side were still warm. Like he'd slipped away just for a second. But for all you knew he was halfway across the country with a different woman of the hour, dreaming up new methods to rob tourists. Frankly, you didn't care.

There were no tears left for you to shed. Just that thunderous guilt that made you feel so stupid for falling for his bullshit all over again. But you couldn't even chastise yourself for the lapse in judgment for too long. There was something far more pressing on your mind.

Your period was late. And it was almost comical. You weren't stupid. You didn't need to waste the money on a pregnancy test. You could put two and two together yourself. Unfortunately, two and two added up to a pregnancy you were already attempting to ignore.

However, it wouldn't let you. Every single night you laid a hand over your stomach as if it were old enough to kick. If you were quiet and still enough, you could convince yourself that you felt it thrumming with life as it floated in amniotic fluid. It had only existed for a few weeks and already it was taking on the dread-inducing nagging of its father. 

It scared the shit out of you; scared you more than Jeff ever had. But it was in the darkness of the night when you felt Jeff's absence most that you heard the call of the void. You envisioned a future with this baby where neither of you had to be afraid of him.

Instead, there were summer barbecues at the trailer park, you and Darlene sipping cold ones while your baby played in the grass. There were trips to the laundromat down the street, you holding your baby up so they could count out the change to put in the machine. There were tearful first days of school and homework scattered on your coffee table. You'd work late some nights and you wouldn't always be able to afford the newest toys and clothes. But you'd do your best. And you'd love them.

You'd love them the way that Jeff could never love anything. You'd do it all on your own if you had to. So, as you stood on the edge of the cliff, you decided you'd take the plunge.

[nerves-nebula]

The loose stitches voiceboxes are infecting my brain. There is a massive breach of bodily autonomy, a forced on "cure" of being mute, all in the effort of enforcing a single method of communication

Thats why I hate the concept of a "common language" in fantasy stories- it implies that all these cultures and creatures just *happen* to speak a shared language. Like English is widely spoken but we don't fucking call it common. English only spread this far due to imperialism- so when I see one language being called common I wanna bite

Which is also why I like loose stitches take on it, there is one "common" language spoken but its not cause people just happen to speak it, its enforced- and its not just the spawnlings housed by the organisation who are forces into this, its the workers aswell- implying to me that this is enforced by some greater state

Thats not even getting into how these voiceboxes could be tamperd with, or even monitored- for all we know this voicebox could be keeping a record of what people are saying- but that's getting into conspiracy theory territory and implies that the state is more competent than it actually probably is

Tldr dotty is being gaslight into believing that these voiceboxes are just there to help and I'm getting so pissed on its behalf

HEHEEHEHEHEHEE <<33 im SOOO glad you've noticed this. when i first conceived of loose stitches i was like 14 and the world was supposed to kinda be utopian, i wanted it to be a story about being born into the best possible world that cares about you from day 1 and STILL not fitting in, and then y'know, finding your place in it or whatever.

but as i learned more about SOCIETIES and HISTORY and OPPRESSION i started picking at the threads of the world I built and realized there was a lot of room for discussions of other stuff that was important to me, like ableism, colonialism, and how my desire to find people "just like me" might be more counter productive and divisive than I'd originally thought.

under the cut for things that i don't consider spoilers but ARE world building facts that haven't been brought up in the comic yet, so if you dont wanna read that uhhh yea

funfact that im not sure i'll get around to addressing in canon but is relevant to you mentioning a "common" language: people spawn knowing an accumulation of various languages spoken near their spawn point, often times they lean heavily towards one language/culture or another. if someone spawned in an area an spoke a different language than the people who found them, or was more familiar with different customs, it was customary to just go "oh this one's not for us ok lets send them to the people nearby that they are clearly influenced by"

since spawnlings are basically this worlds children, it was seen as kind of EVIL to just... remove them from the culture they've been spawned into. that's basically like stealing a baby.

spawnlings speaking different languages doesn't happen nearly as much anymore as there are way fewer spoken languages now :)

it should also be noted that language in loose stitches is an expression of communication via magic. not everyone who can speak aloud has a functioning mouth and vice versa, so there aren't as many languages as there are in our world in the first place. regardless, there's way less of them now!

[kuwdora]

heyyyy let me try another blogging entry type of thing. Pretty much each week my brain turns to ooze by Friday from all this jobdyssy and networking and all the burnout still dragging me down. I refuse to let the world and my brain gaslight me and I'm pushing myself so hard and taking rests and being deliberate with my time and effort for getting some contract work and other things - but this job market fucking sucks so much and I'm so frustrated by some of my circumstances and things outside of my control. It's obnoxious. the bullshit people have to go through right now for interviews and shit..it's awful.

It would help if my insomnia wasn't so bad. I'm fairly bedraggled more often than not which makes everything hard. I dream of sleeping more than 5 or 6 hours a night. well I don't actually dream since I don't think I'm getting enough sleep to get to the dream stage but regardless. It would be great to sleep a full night. I miss being able to nap, too but my body just doesn't let me do that anymore either. In other news, I've been rewatching witcher season 3 and Suits season 9 for background noise while I work on some collage and painting projects. I have a list of like 45 other shows that I could watch for the first time but I'm still needing to be in that rewatch zone.

the witcher fixation remains strong...just buried under all of my other wips and things going on in my brain right now. I'm soo looking forward to season 4 for whatever nice things I'll get from it and whatever disappointments I gotta brace myself for when the new season's here. I got a bunch of new comments last weekend on all my yennskier fic which was so lovely and just reminding me of how many more yennskier wips I have. and now i want to work on those. Except I'm neck-deep in other new projects. so I'll see if I can actually finish what I'm working on right now.

I'm going through the motions of working on new things I'm enjoying working on but. But. Also having that fear that no one going to like it even though I've shown a few things to a few people here and there and had received positive feedback on it. It's been awhile since I've been doing this kind of collaging before and it's something I can manage to do really slowly while my brain is melted from my days. It feels great to come full circle to a style and technique I had been doing ages ago but come back to it with my accumulated creative experience behind me. I'm having so much fun. Even though I'm so fucking tiredddddd. But also at some point I want to share. but not yet. oooh, also! wanted to say thank you everyone who signal boosted my ko-fi shop! the sales and tips def helpin' me out. I might add a few more paintings and a terracotta pot if I can track them down. I just have so many random pieces that are just getting lost in the clutter of my apartment.

I have a few more witcher painty-collage ideas I've placed in a pile to work on when I get done with my current things. but as always, too many wips, bwah.

[cinemasteves]

Quit

(based on the song by cashmere cat & ariana grande)

eddie munson x female!reader

notes/warnings: lots of sadness, cheater!eddie, manipulation, gaslighting, mentions of kissing/sex (not super detailed) reader, eddie & the rest of the older group are all the same age!

not my gif

One week. It's been one week since you found out Eddie had cheated on you. Heartbroken is an understatement. The pain and betrayal you felt has been eating at your brain and heart all week long. Every night you cried yourself to sleep wondering what went wrong. He was your everything, and you thought you were his, that is until Chrissy Cunningham broke down crying and confessed to you in the school bathroom. Her words replaying over and over every night.

I'm so so sorry y/n, I was under the impression you guys were broken up, until I saw him kiss you in the hallway earlier. I just went to his trailer for some pills one night and it escalated from there. You don't deserve this. I'm very sorry.

♪ And you say that I'm the devil you know and I don't disagree no, I don't see the harm ♪

And of course when you confronted him after school, he denied it like no other.

I don't know what she's talking about, y/n. Why would you believe her of all people? She's part of Jason's clique, he hates me, he definitely put her up to this.

But that was quite the opposite. Chrissy was unironically the only cheerleader who was nice to you, hell she was nice to everybody. So when she told you about her and Eddie, you knew she was being genuine.

Seriously what has gotten into you? It's like you fell into hell and came back the devil himself. You've been stressing me out all week long, I need to focus on the DND campaign, i'll probably call you later.

But that night when he called you, your worst nightmare came true and he ended up confessing.

Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. Please give me another chance.

And you did. But everybody knew something was different. The constant pda was now basically nonexistent, you stopped going to Hellfire meetings, you didn't hang out with the group as much and you barely talked to everyone.

♪ They say, 'you crazy, just leave him, he'll suffocate you' but I wanna be in your arms. ♪

You couldn't take it anymore and eventually told Nancy while you guys were studying together one afternoon, she was not happy.

Y/n...That's not okay! You should've never taken him back. I'm sorry. You deserve the entire world. Please leave him, it hurts not seeing you around us anymore. I will gladly tell Steve not to invite him around anymore if that would help. Staying with him will make you more and more miserable, we all notice it, you seem suffocated.

But you still didn't listen.

Nancy we were together for two years, I can't let him go just like that. I love him.

♪ They say, 'no, don't pick up the phone, let them think there's nobody home' But I'm under your spell.

Cause when you call my heart starts to roll, I always want more

It's my heaven, my hell. ♪

As the days went by, you went into super hermit mode. Not speaking to anybody in the group, including Eddie, and that's when you realized Nancy was right. Your usual light has been dimmed, shut off even because of him. It was Friday, and you knew Eddie would be at Hellfire after school and Wayne at work, so you called their home phone and left a rather choked up message.

Eddie, I don't think I can do this anymore. It hurts me to act like everything's fine when it's not. I am incredibly broken inside and have been for the last week. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every night wondering what went wrong. I'm tired of trying to act put together around all our friends when i'm not. I love you, but I can't keep putting myself through this. Please don't call me after you hear this, I do not want to talk to you from this point on. It's for the best. Take care.

After leaving that message, you called over Nancy, Robin and Steve as your parents were away for the weekend, and as soon as the three of them walked into the door, a group hug ensued between you and the girls and you burst into tears. Realizing Steve was completely clueless, Nancy pulled him to the side and explained it all. He was livid. Nancy and Robin brought pizza and some drinks to help get things off your mind. But as you drank throughout the night, you found yourself crying in Steve's arms. He was close with Eddie, and the closest thing you had left of him.

As if it was like clockwork, your house phone rang and you immediately knew who it was.

Y/n...do not answer that. Steve said sternly.

But once more, you didn't listen and as you got up to pick up the phone, the three of them just sighed, awaiting the outcome of this call. As you answered the call and hit speaker, you hear sniffling on the other end and your heart immediately sank.

Sweetheart... I am so sorry. I don't have an explanation as to why I did what I did other than I'm a fucking idiot. But seeing you like this is breaking me so much inside. I'm full of fucking regret and shame. You are my everything and I fucked it up so bad. God, I wish I could take it back. I'm so sorry for everything. For cheating, being hostile towards you, pushing you away and just making your beautiful personality do a complete 180. I know you said not to call but I need to hear your voice, it's killing me not hearing from you.

You stand there speechless. Nancy and Robin silently stopping Steve from getting up and slamming that phone against the wall.

Can I come over? Please? Eddie cries.

♪ We're heading deep inside lives a voice, a voice so quiet,

But I can't hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine. ♪

Nancy, Robin and Steve leave. Steve more angry than the girls, but he understood that this was all up to you. You heart racing as you wait for the man you've been avoiding, cracking another beer and chugging as you pace back and forth near the front door. After about five minutes you hear the doorbell ring and you toss the empty beer can to the ground to open the door.

Eddie sees you and his heart shatters. Your mascara running down your cheeks, your eyes puffy and face red. Guilt washing over him like a tsunami. He can't believe he's done this to you. His once upon a time, the girl of his dreams, a now ruined mess. All because of him. Tears form in his eyes as he engulfs you into the hug you've both been needing from each other. Your head against his chest, hearing his heart beat rapidly. He holds you tight in his lanky arms as you sob together.

♪ I can't quit you, I can't quit you

I can't quit you, I can't quit you ♪

You so badly want to take him back, but deep down you know what he did wasn't right and how it would be for the best to part ways. Part of you wants to dismiss that, but you know you have to do what's right. For the both of you.

♪ Yeah, I'm gonna regret it

Yeah, I'm gonna regret it

Yeah, I'm gonna regret it

I know I'm gonna regret it ♪

You continue to sob, realizing that by tomorrow this would be no more. No more cozy movie nights, no more baking desserts together, no more cuddles, no kisses, dates, no more doing all of the things you both loved to do together.

♪ When you said, 'Baby, I just want you to lay me down and we'll fuck the pain away'

'Cause skin on skin, I feel nothing but the burning of desire and that's just foreplay ♪

He picks you up and brings you to the couch, laying you down gently as he gets on top of you. The both of you still sobbing together. His tears fall onto your cheeks as his face gets closer to yours.

Can I please kiss you sweetheart? Please, even if it's the last time I get to.

You thought it was impossible for your heart to break even more, but what he just said proved you so wrong. He knew this was the end. You nod yes as you can't even produce coherent words at this point because you're crying so much. He leans in slowly, pausing when your noses meet, holding your face in his calloused hands and places kisses on the apples of your cheeks before hesitating at your lips.

I'm so fucking sorry. He cries as he finally presses your lips together, his thumbs rubbing against your face.

♪ We're heading deep inside lives a voice, a voice so quiet

But I can't hear that voice when your heart beats next to mine

I can't quit you, I can't quit you

I can't quit you, I can't quit you ♪

You don't want the kiss to end, hell, you don't want the relationship to end, but you know it's better to just savor this moment than to keep destroying your mental by staying with him.

♪ Yeah, I'm gonna regret it

Yeah, I'm gonna regret it

Yeah, I'm gonna regret it

I know I'm gonna regret it ♪

Kisses led to soft touches and eventually, sex. He was gentle and slow, your favorite. As soon as you were done, he helps you put your clothes back on, then his own. The sweet gesture making you melt inside, forgetting what he did a week ago for a few seconds. You so badly want to stay with him, but there are consequences to cheating, and you know the relationship won't be the same ever again. The thought of going from lovers to strangers physically hurts you inside, and you begin to cry again as Eddie sits up against the couch staring up at the ceiling trying to hold back tears.

♪ I can't quit you, I can't quit you, oh baby

I can't quit you, I can't quit you, oh babe ♪

So this is goodbye then, right? His voice cracks.

Yeah. You cry.

♪ Gonna regret it

Yeah, I'm gonna regret it

Yeah, I'm gonna regret it ♪

He takes a deep breath as he stands up, still holding back tears as he walks to your front door, you following behind him. He turns to you before opening the door and hesitates for a second before giving you one last hug.

I'm so sorry sweetheart. You will forever be a part of me. I love you.

I love you too. Goodbye Eddie, please take care of yourself. You said wiping your tears as he nods and kisses your forehead and turns around, leaving your house for the last time.

♪ I'm gonna regret it

I'm gonna regret it (babe, babe, babe)

Gonna regret it

Yeah, I'm gonna regret it. ♪

[giadavazquez1963]

"lost in the 80s" - my metallica dr-based fanfiction!!

chapter one: hungover at the beach 

I woke up to the sound of my roommate (who’s simultaneously my ex-boyfriend and best friend), Dave, throwing my bedroom door open, yapping about how it’s time for me to wake up. It’s 9am on a Friday, band rehearsal is on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and it’s never this early, so why the fuck is he waking me up now? Naturally, instead of getting up, I pulled my covers over my head, avoiding the light that was making my head pound so hard that I felt like a vampire with light sensitivity issues. I was incredibly hungover from the night before, we spent all night drinking and partying, celebrating our album coming out soon, finally finishing another song after weeks cramped in that tiny studio going over the same riffs. I’ve never been much of a partier or a drinker like the others, but it was Lars that convinced me to “loosen up and have a drink,” and he can be oddly convincing so I joined; turns out I am in fact a lightweight and I’m facing the consequences. I spent the night avoiding the crowd while Jasmine and Lars kept pulling me back into the crowd while I was getting called a “poser” by some random guy because my favorite band is Eagles and not some underground, guttural thrash metal band, and arguing with James. Pretty much everything else was a blur. 

The sound of continuous car horns honking outside and Dave non-stop yelling “Wake up, wake up, waaaakkkeeeee uuuuuuppppp!!” finally got my ass out of bed. I stumble into the living room to see two packed tote bags on the counter, and James leaning against the same counter fidgeting with his rings. 

“What are you doing here?” I say with a scratchy morning voice and already an attitude brewing at the quick sight of him.

“Waiting for you?” He said, scoffing. “We were supposed to leave 20 minutes ago, Giana.”

I pause, a confused face starting to form while I just stare blankly at James and wait for him to tell me what’s going on. He lets out a sigh and says “We’re all going to the beach? It was your idea, said something about shark spotting or shark swimming.” Then it clicked!! There’s a place on the beach by a secluded cliff where you can see and swim with nurse and leopard sharks, so of course, my face lit up almost in a second as I giggled and ran to my room to get ready as fast as possible. I could hear James’ footsteps getting closer to my room as I tried to do my skincare, hair, and get my shit together so we could just go. “Someone’s excited,” he said with a slight smile. I try so hard to be nice to him but everything he says just makes me want to blow my brains out.

“Get out of my room.”

“I’m not in your room?” He was leaning against my dresser? So, yes, he was?

“I have to get changed, get OUT.” He stood there with a smug smile on his stupid face. “What do you want? You’re not allowed to borrow shirts anymore after you stained my Scorpions shirt.”

“I don’t wanna borrow shit, can’t I just stand here?” He wanted something, I just couldn’t figure it out. 

“Is your life goal to annoy me?” 

“Oh, of course it is, Giana. And I'm never gonna stop.” God, that fucking man makes me want to bash his guitar right over her head. Sorry. 

“Alriiiight, I’ll just change in my bathroom since you wanna be a fucking creep,” I said while making my way over to my bathroom, I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull as I closed the door. Like, 5 minutes went by and I was finishing up putting my bathing suit on, some short-sleeved compressed bathing suit top and bikini bottoms, and I could hear James fidgeting around with shit in my room. I opened the door and saw him trying on my rings? 

“Can you put them down and stop invading my privacy more than normal?��� 

“What are you talking about, Giana? You said I could try your stuff on, do you not remember?” I think he’s sarcastically gaslighting me?

“Okay, shut up and get out now,” I grabbed his shirt collar and started to pull him out of my room. He turned around and latched himself in between my door frame, and  with a big grin on his face, he said “Giana, if you wanted an excuse to get your hands on me, you could’ve just said so. You know I wouldn't say no, pretty girl.” 

“Will you say no if I ask you to shut up or die?”

“Fuck off,” he said while rolling his eyes and walking away, finally. I finished getting ready shortly after and walked into the living room, the tote bags were gone and so were James and Dave; I swear I thought they ditched me til I heard a car horn and Tori yelling “Giana!! Hurry up, we’re losing daylight!!” I rushed downstairs and out to the car, and to my surprise was James leaning on the drivers’ side of my car. I walked over and nudged him, kind of a subtle hint for him to move it.

“Quit it, Gia, I’m driving.” He said, annoyed. 

“Like fuck you are, get off my car, Hetfield.” There’s no way he’s driving my car?? He roughly but not painfully grabbed my arm and said “Like fuck I am. Tori doesn’t trust you driving with someone else in the car at more than 55 miles an hour, especially me, so you’re stuck in the passenger seat, puerquito.” Ever since Jasmine and I met, he’s picked up on some Spanish from eavesdropping on us, and ever since he found out that puerquito means “little pig” in Spanish, he’s been calling me it for months because apparently, I make a mess and defile everywhere I go like a pig. How sweet. 

“Dear God, there’s no way you’re dri-”

“Save it because I am,” he said with the biiiiigest and most obnoxious smile on his face. 

“Do I at least get to pick the music?” I said, hoping I would since I’m not trusted in my own car. 

“Yeah, ‘course. I brought your guitar if you wanna play along too, even if you suck.”

“Okay, asshole, I do not suck?”

“Right, right, I forgot, you swallow.” Face went blank, no one laughed, and I swear I hate him more every second. Before I could respond, Tori yelled at us both to get in the car so we could finally leave. And if I forgot to mention, James is by far the most insufferable person in a car, and even more so when he’s the one driving. He pretends to not pay attention to freak me out, he messes with the stereo, he sometimes misses the exit, he’s just all-around someone you don’t want to be stuck in a car with for more than 10 minutes. And this place was an hour and a half away.

Roughly 30 minutes into the ride there, I’d conned him into listening to Hotel California by Eagles at least 5 times, specifically the cassette that my dad had made for me by using his old tape recorder so I could hear them play live since I wasn’t old enough to go. James tried to weasel his way into changing the tapes but all of my cassettes are stored under the passenger seat for safety when I lock the car at night. “Giana, I’d be on my hands and knees begging for you to change the song if I weren’t fucking driving right now. Just. Change. The. Tape.” I loved being able to aggravate him with no way for him to do anything, he does it all the time so why can’t I?

“Mmmmmm, wonderful offer honestly, but you didn’t even say please?” I playfully taunted him. He tilted his head at me while rolling his eyes, “Change the song, Gia. Please? I can’t take it anymore, both you and the song are giving me a headache, so would you be so kind as to change the song?” He smiled softly before letting out a sigh. 

“Since you asked so kindly, of course I can, James,” I flashed him a smile and went to change the tape, which was unknowingly to him, another Eagles tape.

“Thank you so so much, sweet girl.” Trying not to giggle. “You know how seriously I hate that-” before he could finish, Nightingale by Eagles began playing loudly and I started headbanging softly as soon as it started. “Oh, coooomeeee oooonnn. As if their music isn’t bad enough, you have to go and headbang to it?” 

“You’ll get over it,” I smiled and sang along to the lyrics. 

Finally, after what felt like ten million years, we made it to the spot. Everyone got there before us and since the cliff was a little more hidden, no one was there but us. Tori was rubbing sunscreen over Lars’ already red back, Jasmine was laying her towel down, Grace was off to the side setting up the stereo, Dave was sitting on the edge of the cliff and unaware that Cliff was about to kick him off in a millisecond (it’s not too high up, he’ll hopefully be fine…), and James sat our bags down under some shade of the tree hovering over this secluded little spot. I gave Grace my cassettes and I went back over to quickly get my shoes and cover-up off. Just as I finished taking off my shirt, I turned around and James slammed right into me, his chin hitting my forehead; since I was close to the side-edge of the cliff, I would’ve fallen had he not grabbed my waist and pulled me away. He had a slight look of concern on his face, one hand around my waist, the other moving my bangs out of the way to see if there was a mark. It was all very… much. But a good much. “Shit, you’re bleeding a little. Does it hurt badly?”

“No, no, I’m fine, James-” he touched it and it stung, so as a human reaction, I winced. 

“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” he said while giggling a little. Tori, Jasmine, and Lars were all very obviously staring while James used his thumb to wipe off the blood, everyone else was just minding their own (which is what they should’ve been doing as well, those invasive little shits.). “What? What’s wrong?” He turned to look at what was making me hold back laughter, and saw them staring shamelessly. 

“Get a room, you gross gremlins,” Tori said, making Jasmine and Lars burst out laughing. 

“Oh, come on, guys. I was just trying to be-” 

“Save it, twink!” Jasmine said in instant rebuttal to James” attempt at defending his relatively flirty actions. 

We all laughed it off (except James) and moved on with our exciting day. After a few minutes, I went over to the edge of the cliff after everyone jumped off; Lars grabbed Tori and they dove in together, Dave failed an attempt at a cannonball, Cliff had to quietly convince Grace to join in since she was invested in a Vogue magazine and had her walkman on full blast, Jasmine did a run and jump, and all that was left was me and James. “You gonna go or you just gonna stand there and be a pussy?” James asked, teasingly.

“Ha ha,” I laughed sarcastically. “For your information, I’ve never cliff-dived before, so my bad if I’m a little nervous.”

“Yeah, yeah, shut up and just go before I push you in.”

“Do not.”

“Then go.” I was debating whether I should let him or not since it would take me another 10 minutes of convincing to jump off a 30 foot cliff. It was a little laughable that this was my idea, but in my solid defense, I didn’t know it was this high. “Taking so much time to make a little jump off a little cliff, Miss Vázquez. Need my help?” He sarcastically asked while staring at me.

“No, no, I can d-”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, took too long to answer, so you’re coming with me,” and my life flashed before my eyes as he wrapped his arms fully around me with full force and dove off the cliff with me. It’s easy and obvious to say that day was not quiet like I was anticipating, but in fact full of him getting on my nerves and not letting me have a moment of serenity. I fell asleep on the ride home while “Peaceful, Easy Feeling” by Eagles played quietly in the back.

working on the next chapter :)

[mejomonster]

Okay so 1 I love how intense shen wei is. He's like "I have followed you and learned everything about you and I KNOW I shouldn't be near you but I want to caress your beautiful face it will warm my ice cold flesh" (how vampire of you babe) "and despite the lies I desperate yearn to just tell you you're the reason" oh shen weiiiii

Meanwhile Zhao yunlan, really, should have SOME clue of his reincarnations I swear to fuck. Why? Cause if he went to pretty much any psychic, medium, tarot reader, or even a therapist... they'd point out fairly quickly "um sir? Why do you have like an absolutely irrationally large hatred for cycles? Every time someone mentions a circle you start raving about how endless cycles are fucking awful messed uo things. I asked if you'd like to live a different life And you just went OFF about how when we die we forget who we are and everything is LOST and what the fuck is the POINT if it's all gone... so I guess upside you're probably not a suicide risk since you're so anti dying but like? Why do you even believe in reincarnation, sir, if it makes you THIS pissed off?"

Zhao yunlan: "because it's fucked up! It's absolutely fucked okay?! You croak, and fuck everything you love and care about cause you don't even have your memories, and shit out of luck for them because they're remembering a bitch who you are NOT anymore and can never even be again like. What the FUCK. What the fuckkkkkkk. Its stupid. Absolutely beyond stupid. I mean figures right, ghosts hurting people is stupid and fucking annoying too, but that's the world right. So go figure the whole life death process is all stupid too."

"Um sir. Did you just say ghosts exist? Wanna.. talk about that?"

Zhao yunlan: "-.- not particularly" (currently seeing like 5 potential ghosts he wasn't sure if they were just other customers/patients, since he's seen dumb dead people his whole life. At least those fuckinf ghosts still maybe REMEMBER something and are still A LITTLE BIT THEMSELVES)

"Um sir. You said that aloud? The thing about ghosts remembering...??"

Zhao yunlan, shit eating smile: "no. I didn't. I didn't say anything." (Gaslight gatekeep girlboss) "oh LOOK at the time, i gotta go, I'm a workaholic you know! Bye~~"

"Wait! Uh. Sir... oh I hope he calls back for another visit mm..."

Zhao yunlans brain the second he remembers his WATCH is ROUND and life and death are CYCLES so anyway reincarnation is killing its a fucking piece of shit I'm going off on the next fucking government supervisor about my reincarnation Thoughts when they bother me. Win win, I vent, they don't get a word in edgewise to critique me.

Anyway my point is just. You'd think ANYONE he'd talk to who believes in past lives would be like "hey? Zhao yunlan? Have you considered maybe in your past life you REALLY wanted to remember or hold onto something and lost it and you were SO angry about it you manage to still be that angry now?"

And he'd completely miss the point made. He'd just jump right over it and be like "who cares who I WAS. This is me NOW, Zhao yunlan! And fuck any thing in the universe that thinks I'm letting THIS ME go. Fuck that. When I die, a long time from now (better be), I'm not forgetting SHIT mark my fucking words." (I'm gonna be a fucking lingering ghost with that attitude huh... oh no da qings gonna Claw me again -.- bastard)

[msnihilist]

4. what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

For the writer ask game.

Honestly? It's probably the fic that I'm currently working on, 'Lysis.' The entire fic has been fun to write, but I'm working on the last chapter now, and that's been my plot bunny — the entire other 25k words were all just build up for this one scene that's been living in my head since at least 2019.

As for why I've never written it, I'm not really sure. I was going to, back in 2019, but then I became demotivated by a lack of interest and my attention switched to other projects that were getting more love.

But now that I'm back in the Ben 10 fandom and more fucked up than ever, I mentioned this idea to a friend... Who then commissioned me to write it, ha! I'm a little over the 7k words that they initially paid me for, but whatever :p This is a story that must be told!

I described the scene in question to a friend over Discord, so I'll put that beneath the cut (so that my followers who don't want spoilers can avoid it).

CW for gaslighting, murder, and, um... consumption, I guess?

Remember that episode of Ben 10 I made you watch with me? This fic is about that character (Elena) manipulating and gaslighting the shit out of Ben, isolating him from his friends and loved ones so that she is literally his only option, and eventually culminates in her killing him to keep him with her forever :)

[context for non-Ben 10 fans: Elena is a yandere love interest of Ben's who attempts to manipulate him into being her lover by creating conflict that pushes him in her direction, and also by kidnapping his girlfriend and trying to kill his friends]

She's made of nanites, so the scene is about Ben (who's given up, because she broke him) coming into her arms willingly. Elena coos and holds him, promising that she's going to make everything better and he won't hurt anymore… And neither of them will ever be alone again. Then her microchips swarm him. They crawl into his mouth and nose, into his lungs and stomach. They're behind his eyes and in his brain, squeezing themselves into his blood vessels. Elena holds every single part of him, inside and out, and then she rips him to pieces. Her microchips absorb on every last one of Ben's cells. And as their consciouses merge, and Ben becomes one with Elena's mind, the last bit of him that's still "him" understands her and can see everything she has done to hurt him. And he accepts it. Elena doesn't let a single drop of his blood spill. She consumes Ben entirely, completely and utterly, and finally feels whole with the person that she loves nestled inside of her, safe and unable to escape

Or something like that, I haven't written the scene yet, lol :p

[tssidesfics]

Life Update

In case you guys haven't seen it on Roman's fic.

I am dealing with horrible, full-body chronic pain. It's been coming for a while. I've been hurting in littler ways for a long time and I always brushed it aside and just did things anyway. I can't do that anymore. Enormous parts of my life are now basically inaccessible to me. I hurt too much to stand more often than I would like, and the meds my doctor prescribed barely touch it for a little while, and they leave me very tired. On top of that, my parents, who I am reliant on for my spectrum of disabilities, have decided to see my crippling pain as a slight against them personally and are now trying to isolate and gaslight me again after years of tentative peace.

Logan's part is coming slow. It's very cognitively challenging and I spend a lot of every day with terrible brain fog, and I struggled to write less than five hundred words today when I'm used to writing thousands in a go without trouble. It's a very difficult, demanding scene but it's still upsetting.

I'm not ashamed of my disability. I don't want pity or "I'm so sorry." I'm now decidedly part of a very proud, very accepting community I wouldn't still have my sanity without. If I hadn't read so many posts from disability advocates I am pretty sure I'd be beside myself right now.

But things aren't good. I don't know if they'll get better. You may see a vent fic of some kind go up at some point--I don't know if I just want to bitch via pure angst or write escapism or what I want. I'm open to suggestions.

If you have prompts you're willing to pay me for writing, let me know. As long as you're willing to wait a little while on it, I've been told I'm pretty good at writing to prompt. And the money would help. It would at least give me some freedom to do things for my mental health I'm too broke to do right now.