#smut shitposting

[worlds-worst-smut]

List of Romantic Quotes

“You were the one before I met you”

“I realised leading up to this point that my life had void shaped like you in it”

“I live only to see your smile”

“With you, Life is like a box of lemonade: inexplicably moist, sticky and a terrible idea”

[sasuke-naruto]

Naruto and Sasuke daily life

[sasukeuchiha-24]

[angelstrn]

dating matt is hard at times, especially for you who requires attention 24/7. attention he couldn't fully give you due to his spontaneous filming and work hours, but after a bit of pouting, doe eyes, and matt calling you dramatic, he agreed to let you tag along on a busy day.

you hadn't realized how tiring it was to be so busy, and after a few hours all the pouting was useless because you ended up fast asleep.

tucked into your boyfriends bed, the sound of the washing machine finishing wakes you up from your sleep. you lazily rub your eyes and walk into the kitchen, finding matt working.

standing there taking it all in, you notice how good he looks when he's focused — his tousled hair, his beard coming in, the glasses sitting on his nose where you should be sitting instead.

he feels your presence and perks his head up at you, giving you a soft smile. "hi, baby. you okay?", he places his glasses atop his head and opens his arms, reaching out to you.

maybe you were being dramatic, but you swear you would have done anything for him right then and there just at the sight of him. you smile at him with a lustful look in your eye and his entire demeanor shifts. as soon as you reach him you're practically jumping into his arms, legs on either side of his and lip immediately crashing into matts.

he pulls back for a second, catching his breath and mumbling, "what is it with you today, huh? so fuckin' needy—" you clearly didn't care, stopping him mid-sentence and pressing your mouth back onto his.

his hands slide up your torso and grip onto your waist, pulling you up to sit you onto the table and pushing away his laptop in the process.

you press yourself into him and matt groans into your mouth as his hands roam all over your body. you break away, matt letting out a whimper looking at you with a pout on his face.

your hands reach up to his glasses, repositioning them onto his face.

"better," you smile letting your fingers run through his hair.

"yeah?" he whispers softly, eyes locked on your lips.

"yeah."

your back is pressed against the table now, matt slowly rolling his hips into you, hair messy and glasses a little foggy. "need it, matt. need it so bad," you whine, pushing yourself up and down his length like your life depended on it.

"shit. oh my god." he groans, running a hand through his hair in disbelief at your impatience before increasing his speed and pounding into you.

his hand moves down to where you're connected, his thumb grazing your clit which earns a moan from you. matt kisses you deeply, slipping his tongue into your mouth making the kiss even sloppier.

you squeeze against him, leaving a creamy ring around his base. he groans again in response, thumbing at your nub faster as his hips snap into you.

"pleasepleaseplease, im almost there, matt!" you sob. matt smiles at your cry's, burying himself into the crook of your neck and nipping at the sensitive skin.

"you got it, sweetheart. cmon, give it to me." he coos, egging you on further.

you finally let loose, eyes squeezing shut and little ah ah ah's leaving your plush lips. matts right behind you, shooting up into you with a low groan as his hips stutter.

matt sighs, leaning down to give you a kiss before smiling, turning his head towards his bedroom.

"round two?"

"can you keep the glasses on?"

[zouzoru-comms-open]

H-hey *drops all their obey me fanarts because I wanna make commissions*

[theres-a-body-here]

Minotaur sex be awkward

As your Minotaur boyfriend firmly held onto your hips, he began to gently push himself into your tight ass. Your breath hitched as you felt every inch of him fill you up.

Arching your back and letting out a low moan, you rested your head on the plush bedsheets, closing your eyes as you focused on the sensation of him filling you up again and again. His movements were slow and deliberate, giving you time to adjust to his size.

You turned your head away from his gaze as he continued to slowly thrust into you. Each time he pushed himself deeper into you, he could feel your body tremble beneath him.

Suddenly, you felt his cool, damp nose press against your chest, causing you to shudder and clamp your eyes shut.

"Why are you hiding from me, baby?" He asked, his deep voice rumbling in his chest as he ran his rough hands up your sides. Before you can respond, he pushes his cock into you until he bottoms out, making you bite your lower lip to hold back a moan.

Don't get it wrong, you love him so much it makes you vomit

"I want to see your face while I fuck you," he whispered, leaning forward to cup your whole face in one hand, guiding it towards his. Slowly, you open your eyes to meet his and the silence that follows lasts for a good minute.

But....

"Babe?"

Goddammit

[temis-de-leon]

MC who jokingly says let me suck your dick instead of thank you or please to all their friends vs Mammon who is suddenly making favours out of nowhere to see if he can make it true

[l3viat8an]

*points at ur pussy* are u gonna finish that? *tummy growls really loud*

[jujustsies]

"Hey, how was work?" You asked as your weight made a slight dent in the bed. You were wearing one of Satoru's shirts, God he loved when you did that. He sometimes even felt like divorcing you just so he could marry you all over again.

"It could've been better," Satoru replied neutrally. "How're you?" He asked while blessing the back of your hand with his lips.

"You're awfully calm, you're definitely hiding something. You cheatin' on me?" You teased as you eyed him with faux suspicion. "Aww, you caught me." Satoru quipped back. 

“Okay, but honestly I’ve been meaning to ask you something babe.” Satoru said, his expression displaying seriousness.

Your heart dropped to your ass at that. What could it be? Is he breaking up with you? Is he cheating for realzies? Is he gonna die or something? What could possibly be it?

You shut down your thoughts and decided to actually listen instead of overthinking.

"O-Oh, yeah? What is it?" You sputter out, earning a look of slight concern and a playful judgement stare from Satoru, making you cringe from embarrassment. "What's with the stutter?" He chuckled.

"Nothing, now just tell me already." You rolled your eyes.

"Okay, well.. I was gonna ask how you'd feel about us trying for a kid.. or kids." Satoru winked.

"A-A kid?? Like, a child? Like, no pet kid? Like, a legitimate child?" You gasped.

"Yes.." Satoru chuckled.

"I.. okay!" You replied rather quickly. Making Satoru's eyes widen a little. "Uhm, you agreed so soon.. are you sure you want a kid? 'Cause I mean like now, like I wanna get you pregnant." Satoru said rather bluntly.

"I.." You stuttered, "Mhh.. yeah. I want a baby. I've been thinking about it myself recently." You admitted.

"Copycat," Satoru replied, making you roll your eyes.

"So are we gonna do it now?" You asked awkwardly, making Satoru cackle. "Why are you acting like I haven't seen every square inch of your body?"

"Fuck you!"

You cried out as you continued bouncing on Satoru's cock, gripping onto his hair tightly.

"Babe.. I think you already are.." Satoru grunted as he made his grasp on your waist firmer. "No, fuck- you definitely are.." He grunted even more.

You kept going, not slowing down at all.

As your whines and moans filled the room, Satoru just smiled. The thought of you bearing his child made his cock so fucking happy. He loved the thought of having a child with you.

But as he was appreciating you, you buried his face in your cleavage. "F-Fuck!! T-Toru, If I cum, don't stop!" You whined as you tugged on his hair, which made Satoru's dick even happier.

God, he couldn't wait to get you pregnant.

A/N: haii im just shoving things out of my drafts.. :)

[worlds-worst-smut]

Santa Claus x Pope Francis

~2000 words

——————————————————————————

There has never been any pope who hasn’t gotten a personal visit from the big red man from up north. No Popes ever managed to escape the inevitable meeting with The Bearded One, Sleigher, Drinker of Milk. No-one denied Old Saint Nick.

When Santa drove in the air over the Vatican he thought of past meetings with fondness. Except for Ratzinger - he was easily the most uptight man he’d ever met, being a former member of Hitlerjugend. It was an unpleasant, unsatisfying business. This pope was more liberal, more… experienced. Or so he’d heard.

He got Rudolph the red-nosed to pull down into a warm balcony of the Vatican, where a waving pleasant man in white robes awaited him. Francis. The man radiated light, and greeted him in a secret latin prayer for the occasion. Saint Nick saw the brandy on the table and settled into Francis’ big chair. The pope’s expression didn’t let on his annoyance and was playing hard to get obviously, which got Santa ravished.

“So you have come, Nicholas of Myra.” He smiled.

“No I have very well not” said Santa, taking a sip of the brandy, he was already so very hard.

The pope slowly took off his robe, giving him the striptease treatment. His arms were like the naked wings of a chlorinated chicken, all veiny and bony. Santa watched him take off his many other layers until he was left with a pudgy, decrepit old man, with only his tighty whiteys on. The only thing that he could exercise was the hand that waved at the adoring crowds, which would be good enough for a tug job, but no more.

No that would not do. Santa got up and waved his massive schlong and made his aged fortune teller Harry Potter wave his wand to cast some Christmas magic on the pope and make him the vigorous man he used to be. The pope’s eyes lit up and Francie fell into a frenzy of gibbering about how he is now 30 years old again.

“God I’m popeye the sailor man. I’m popeye the sea man. Eat my spinach and catch me if you can Santa!!” Francie screamed, and sprinted throughout the poptacular palace like the tighty whitey he was.

“Ho ho ho, I’ll get you eventually when I go go go” Santa boomed. How fun Santa thought, would it be to capture The Pope’s skinny Bum.

Santa first flew to the sistine chapel, where the chimney steamed when the bishops hats gleamed. He ripped his clothes off and rode in on his sleigh and his voice boomed to the bishops “Where is my popey he is very sly and slick, he must be ready to recieve Saint Nick’s dick!

The bishops didn’t turn their heads, they weren’t surprised, and one of them mumbled “We haven't seen him Saint Nikolai". But their eyes were lying. The weakest of them, a dwarf trembling in his robe, and when Santa leaned over him with a sinister Christmas expression and the little wrinkled old gnome said quietly "He has gone to the sauna."

So he burst off to the Vatican sauna, and Santa boomed into the heavenly mists "It's time for you to chug my eggnog you little twink". But there was nobody in the Sauna, except for a little digital clock in the wall that read 21:37. Only two hours to midnight, Santa flew back to the bishops in a rage, and the deceptive little gnome, suggested a rage-orgy to delay Santa from finding his lover's hiding place.

So they had a vast rage-orgy within the halls of the Vatican, with Santa pounding through their asses like a blunt knife through dry paper. Then he realised, in the midst of their pleasures dedicated to Slaanesh, that his popey rope had gone off his leash.

"Santa is COMING" he roared at the top of his voice, and he wanked his way supernaturally through every room, every crevice and dungeon of the place, and he found his Francie kneeling, begging for him, right back in his own bedroom!

"You have been very naughty this year" Santa crooned at him, and Francis begged in that low husky voice of his that he used for the recitation of masses, especially the mountainous rolling masses on Santa.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned" he said in latin, before he took the body of Santa as communion, washing down the first batch of cum, like the wine, the bloodline.

"Yes" Santa said greedily, throbbing into his throat. "Say more of those funny foreign words while you suck me off." And the pope mumbled into the wood of Francis like an audio technician testing a delicious new microphone, the waves of pleasure rolled through Santa, popey’s throat was like that warm Christmas he once spent in the bahamas.

Then suddenly Santa let out a roar of pain. France had chomped down on his dick, like an iron vice. Santa flew up violently his magical impulses had triggered, and then the pope gave him a malicious grin all the way on the floor.

“I thought I might… surprise you” said the devil in the voice of G-Man, who had taken the form of the pope only to try and cut off Santa’s penis with his razor sharp teeth.

WHERE DO YOU HAVE REAL POPEY. Santa screamed at Satan, who cackled and took flight all the way down to the depths of hell like the coward he was.

Santa flew all around the Vatican again, distraught, afraid for his pope who had undoubtedly been tied up and kept hostage by Il diablo himself.

The Real Pope was hidden in an expansive closet made out of Rococo wood, (the same closet that led to Narnia before it was nuked) whimpering, bo und, in tears, but otherwise unharmed by the devil.

“Oh Francis” Saint Nick examined him, all tied up like a neat bundle of onions. The pope had the most sad and pathetic, expression, as if he had disappointed Santa the whole time. Santa and Pope looked at each other with a sad, familiar lust in their eyes, and their moistened elderly dildos already had half mast. They fucked softly at first and with remorse, like a used car salesmen exploring the body of a beloved car they were about to sell.

Then they fucked harder, enchanted with the moment, until the walls shook like the trumpets crumbled the walls of Jericho. And they hugged each other and fondled each other all the night after their tryst, until Santa had to tend again to the herds of reindeer and polar bears, and the pope returned to mumbling and protecting the catholic people from the devil.

[sasuke-naruto]

Naruto x Sasuke Amor ❤️

[sasukeuchiha-24]

Kakashi Hatake 🪷🍃

[heavenlyraindrops]

☆ “ᴡɪꜱʜ ᴍᴇ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ʟᴜᴄᴋ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴᴀʟʟʏ.” | ᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴀᴛᴏ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ☆

☆ She said “fuck me like I’m famous” | Chapter Two

☆ Warnings: profanity, blowjobs, light grinding, part two of a series but you can read it as a stand-alone too (the only context required: they fucked once before), author!reader, reader writes smut :)

☆ Word count: 2k, Available on: Tumblr, AO3

You stared at the phone clutched in your hands, held above your face. Ken’s number on the screen. 

You’d gotten it about a week ago. You hadn’t spoken to him yet. 

In all fairness, that was your fault. He didn’t have your number- you’d both been so dazed it was a miracle you’d remembered to ask him yourself, simply telling him you’d call him. 

You hadn’t called him. 

You sighed, your arms tiring out from the strain of holding up your phone, so you rolled onto your stomach, elbows digging into your bedsheets. The screen read the time- five to nine. 

You bit your lip, and pressed the call button. 

It took a couple of rings for him to pick up, and when he did, the silence was so deafening you didn’t even notice.

“Hello?” You asked tentatively.

“Hey- hey!” His voice was tired, weighed down by fatigue. It made something stir in between your legs. “[name]?”

“Yeah.” You ran your tongue over your lips nervously, listening to his soft breath on the other end of the line. “I’m not- I’m not bothering you, am I?” You asked weakly. He gave a low laugh, and oh my god it sounds so fucking hot. 

“No,” he murmured. “You’re not bothering me.” Your chest untightened, despite the fact you could tell he sounds like he just woke up. 

“Plus,” he continued, “If I got to hear your voice I’d hardly call it something bothering me.”

You sucked in a harsh breath, but didn’t say anything, biting the inside of your cheek. 

“I was getting worried you wouldn’t call, you know.” You eased yourself onto your side as he spoke, pressing the phone against your ear. “So. Did you need anything, or…”

“No,” you said quickly, then froze up, wondering if it came out wrong. “N-no, I mean, I just wanted to wish you… good luck on your game tomorrow.” You buried your face half into the pillow, wrapping an arm around it. “You probably don’t need it, but…”

A few seconds of silence ticked by, and you wondered if you had angered him, when he spoke up again, voice still hoarse with sleep and now seemingly laced with something else you couldn’t- could have deciphered. But you pushed the thought away from your brain. 

“You wanted to wish me good luck?” You could hear the smirk in his voice. 

Your eyes became half lidded, as excitement raced through you. “Yeah,” you mumbled, lips still pressed against the soft fabric of your pillow cover. 

“And you think I don’t need it.”

You hummed softly. “You’re a good player.”

He paused, amused. “I was under the impression you know nothing about baseball.”

You frowned. “Well, I’m not, just, like, saying it.”

“Oh sweetheart, I know.”

Your face suddenly grew hot, and not just at the nickname. Instead of insinuating you were just saying whatever came to mind to flatter him- was he implying that you specifically researched stuff for him? Or that maybe it was just him that you looked up?

Well, he was right. But that was far beyond the point. 

“All I’m saying is that you’re a good player. You got a problem?” Your tone didn’t match your words at all. 

“Nah… I actually quite like it when you compliment me. Go on, do it again.”

“What?”

“Say it again.”

You rolled your eyes, suppressing a smile. “You’re good at baseball.”

“That’s right. And what else am I good at?”

You froze, muscles tensing up, then fell back face first into your bed, buzzing with embarrassment. “Don’t push it, Ken,” you mumbled, face burning. 

He laughed again, slightly breathless this time, and you pulled your hand up and trapped it under your chest to stop it from sliding down below your waist. “Tell you what, sweetheart. If you wanted to wish me good luck so badly you called me while I was asleep, late at night-“

Your chest tightened with anxiety.

“-maybe you should come over and wish me good luck personally.”

You immediately shot up out of bed, heart hammering in your chest as you stared at the screen. “Y-yeah?”

“If you’re down.” His voice suddenly sounded slightly nervous.

“Oh, I’m down.”

“Great. I’ll see you th-“

You immediately cut the call.

You kicked the covers off of your legs, hands searching blindly for your keys as you pulled on a hoodie. A notification popped up on your phone- his number, a single text message, and address.

Oh, Lord, thank you for forcing me to go outside and undergo true human interaction that fateful evening. 

-

“Hey.”

You stood outside his door, face flushed from the cold and shivering with your hands buried in your pockets. He looked you up and down. 

“You got here fast,” he murmured, and you shrugged nervously. 

“Excited to see you,” you tried, and he laughed, hand reaching out, fingers curling around your wrist and pulling you inside, up against him for a split second before he moved away, much to your disappointment. 

“Get comfortable,” he said, flicking his head at the couch. You pushed your fists back in your pockets, following him over, where he flopped down, tipping his head back. You went to sit next to him but he grabbed your waist, pulling you into his lap. 

You let out a sharp breath. “What are you doing.”

“Helping you get comfortable,” he said nonchalantly, slipping his digits in between yours, kissing your fingertips. A shiver shot up your spine, and he tilted his head. “You know what? Let’s talk.”

“Talk?” You echoed.

“Yeah, get to know each other better.”

“We got to know each other at the dinner,” you pointed out, and he rolled his eyes. 

“Yeah, and after that too, right?” He remarked. Your face slowly turned red, making him grin. “And I said better, baby.”

“Fine, better. What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything. Just ask me a question.”

“Fine.” You thought hard, but with him pressed up against you, hands on your thighs, it was hard for you to think clearly. “How’d you get into baseball?”

He tilted his head. “It made my parents happy watching it, so I thought…” He looked down, and smiled softly. “I thought, if I could do that, if it would make them cheer like they-“ he sighed, cutting off his sentence. “Then I’d have to. You know?” His thumbs were rubbing circles into your skin. 

You leaned over, running your hand through his hair, pushing it away from his face. “That’s… sweet, actually.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “Did you think it wasn’t gonna be?”

“Considering how you act-“ you jabbed him in the chest, and he smirked. “-no.”

“How exactly do I act?” 

You paused, then frowned. “I don’t know, confident?”

His hand went from your thigh to your hip. “What’s wrong with that?”

Your bottom lip caught between your teeth. “Nothing.”

“Exactly.” His fingers dug into your skin. “So, why’d you become an author?”

You swallowed. “I like stories.”

He laughed. “Is that it?”

You smacked his chest. “Obviously there’s more. I’m just not good with words.”

“You’d think, being an author…”

“Whatever!”

“Don’t you work with words for a living?”

You stayed silent for a moment, then sighed. “I started daydreaming a lot when I was younger. I figured, if I could put those dreams down on paper, like other authors did, bring them to life, make people feel things-“ you shrugged, embarrassed. “Look, I don’t know. It just started with a massive maladaptive daydreaming problem.”

“Right.” He hummed, fingers splaying across your skin, creeping under the hem of your top. “For the record, I think that’s sweet too, you know.”

Your other hand was still buried in his hair. “Thanks,” you mumbled, feeling his breath on your lips.

“Maybe I should read one of your books some time. They’re really popular, right?”

“Yeah,” you said, then your eyes suddenly widened. “No way. No, you’re not reading them.”

He laughed, amused. “Why not? What’s stopping me?”

You glared at him. 

“What did you say you write?” He continued. “Romance?”

Your face burned as you quickly looked away. “It’s not just that, okay?”

He hummed, eyes fixed on your collarbone, a few faded, barely-visible bruises. “Right. You ever include, like, sexual stuff in your novels?”

You almost shot out of his lap and threw yourself out the window right then and there. “Huh?” You spluttered. “What do you mean?” Yes, yes I do.

“Like, smut, or whatever it’s called. You write that?”

“How’s that relevant?” Your voice was slowly rising in pitch, and he smirked.

“Nothing, just wondering why you don't want me to read your stuff so badly. Plus, I could figure out what you like.” He tapped his finger against your side, and you swallowed. 

“I’d probably like anything you do,” you laughed, albeit breathlessly. He raised an eyebrow. 

“Or you can tell me.”

You opened your mouth, but no sound came out. He smirked, a subtle roll of his hips making him grind up against you not going unnoticed. You sucked in a harsh breath. 

“I bet you write down every little fantasy you have onto that paper, yeah?”

“I type it,” you retorted, albeit breathless as your body responded to his touch, involuntarily bucking your hips. His grip on them tightened, holding you in place as he clicked his tongue. 

“So you do write that sort of stuff.”

You bit your cheek to smother a whimper, instead worming your hand down to palm his growing bulge. His breath hitched visibly, a muscle in his neck tightening as you stroked gently. 

“Maybe,” you breathed, eyes glittering. 

Getting off of him, you sank to your knees, nestling yourself in between his legs. You pressed a kiss to the tented fabric, making him tense up underneath. “Now, you want me to ‘wish you good luck personally’ or not?”

Your hand unzipped his trousers, and you could feel him holding in a breath as you pulled his length from his boxers- throbbing, a pearl of precum on the tip. You could feel your saliva gathering in your mouth as you swiped your thumb across it, making him flinch and almost buck up into your hands. 

“You know,” he said, voice wavering. “Maybe I’ll win the game from this alo-“ he cut off with a light groan, lips falling open and head tipping back as you pressed your lips to the tip, tongue flicking out in tentative kitten licks. You locked your eyes onto his as you dragged your lips down to his base, licking a long strip up his shaft. “Oh, fuck.”��

You hummed, and he shuddered as your tongue languidly traced a vein, his eyes lidded as his hand came to bury itself in your hair. 

Another curse, alongside your name, fell past his lips as you wrapped your lips around his head properly this time, trying to take in as much of him as possible. It hit the back of your throat, which tightened, tears springing to your eyes. 

“Oh yeah baby, just like that,” he breathed, voice shaky as you bobbed your head up and down, hips bucking needily against you as he collapsed into a few groans and murmured praises. His grip on your hair tightened. “Fuck [name] I think I’m going to cu-“

You simply hummed in response, vibrations running down his shaft and making him twitch, eyes innocent and wide-eyed, a betrayal of your lewd position. 

The look alone was enough to tip him over the edge, and his fingers curled around your locks, yanking your head away from him as he shook, his cum dripping down his length. You reached for the box of tissues on the table. 

After cleaning up, he looked down at you, and frowned. You tilted your head. “What?”

“You have a little…” cupping your face in both hands, he pulled it to his, tongue darting out to lick up a trickle of saliva that had escaped the corner of your mouth. It made you burn with desire, and you turned slightly to press his lips against yours. 

“Good luck,” you whispered against him, and he pressed back in, teeth nipping at your lower lip. 

“After I win,” he breathed, “I’m taking you on a proper date.”

You flushed. He pulled away, your chin in his hands, tilting your head up to look at him. 

“And that’s a promise.” 

[maskedmenmakemeferal]

New Neighbor

Simon is obsessed with his sweet little civilian neighbor.

Simon had retired from the 141 and got a small flat that’s attached to another one,which is your flat.

You two had multiple bump ins because your mail sometimes goes to his door and vice versa.

But Simon craves seeing you,so sometimes he’ll swap the packages just so you come see him.

“Hi,your package went to my house again.” You smile and hand him the small package. He takes it and nods.

“Thanks.” He sets it down on the entryway table. He looks you up and down.

You would think he’s judging,but he’s actually admiring. You smile and nod. “Bye,Si.” You walk away,your heels gently clicking on the pavement.

Later that night,his pants are bunched around his ankles and his cock in his hand. He bites his lower lip as he hears your soft,supple moans carry through the wall.

“Hah~ oh god! Si~” You moan,fingers buried deep into your cunt.

I mean,the walls are paper thin and he did move his bed next to the wall closer to yours.

He goes harder,the sound of your soft moans making the blood rush to his cock.

Ropes of cum flow from his tip and onto his thighs,stomach,and hand.

The next day,you come by with another package that got delivered to your house on accident.

You smile and hand it to him,and he sets it down like the other ones.

When you walk away,he opens the package. He didn’t even know what he ordered,but he just wanted to see that pretty face once again.

[babiebom]

bachelors and their weird kinks/turn ons perhaps 👀

A/N: it took a LOT for me to find weird things that arent gross(literally shit or dead people sorry if you’re into these) and even then I don’t even think these are weird but there’s only so many sites that I can go on to find weird kinks or even kinks in general. Fun fact there’s a kink for watching people fall down the stairs!! Keep in mind I’m talking about these fetishes and kinks from my own memory from looking them up lmao.

Tw:nsfw like all of it, cursing etc let me know if I should tag anything else!!

Bc: at least 4 for each? One for what the kink is and one for the explanation?

Stardew Valley Masterlist

Sebastian

Dacryphilia the kink or fetish for watching or causing someone to cry(positive or negative). A kink for tears if you will

I don’t know if I’ve talked about this before (I might’ve?) but dude has a major crying kink. Like he needs to make you cry while having sex. In this instance it’s a good crying. Like from how good his dick feels inside you. How good it feels when he moves, when he touches you. It’s like overstimulation but the crying is the main thing he wants.

Somnophilia the kink or fetish for having sex with someone while they’re asleep.

AGAIN this is all consensual but he likes the way you look when you’re asleep. You’re fully content and relaxed, no troubles or worries. He just wants to make you feel even better to send you to a new level of paradise. And the way that you are free in your reactions instead of holding everything back. All of your sounds and the way you move…it just gets him off in a different way.

Sam

Katoptronophilia the kink or fetish for watching yourself or others have sex in a mirror

I think this kink more so has to do with his partner. I do think he would get off with watching you or him fucking you in a mirror. Like you both can see your own faces and it’s just hot how you can see how good he’s making you feel and the other way around. It’s like his recordings kink but in real time.

Claustrophilia the kink or fetish for tight spaces literally the opposite of claustrophobia

I think he would like the whole stuck in a small closet together thing or the whole (if you’ve seen kdramas bc this is the only time I’ve seen it) hiding from someone in a tight space and being forced to be close or touching.

Shane

Shibari the fetish or kink of Japanese bondage. It’s more artistic than regular bondage and can sometimes be nonsexual(meaning it can just be for the act of being tied/tying someone up)

I do think Shane might have a artistic side to him, he loves his blue chickens and even though he hasn’t particularly shown that he likes art I think he’d appreciate this form. Like yeah it has bdsm tones and he likes that, but he likes the time taken to tie you up, the time it takes to make the ropes look pretty on you. It gets the both of you riled up so the sex might be more passionate.

Electrostimulation the fetish or kink to being stimulated or stimulating someone with electricity

Oh dude is definitely a sadomasochist. He wants to shock you, he wants to be shocked (partially because he wants to feel something other than mental and emotional pain). It’s never so much that it hurts too much but it’s a little stinging sensation that he can’t get enough of.

Harvey

Quirofilia the kink or fetish for hands, but well taken care of/pretty hands

Oh I think Harvey HAS to take of his hands. As a doctor I think he would be happy if someone complemented how soft his hands were or how clean they looked. And on the other hand(heheheh) he would appreciate how nice your hands look, how soft they feel, how good they feel when touching him.

Breeding/Pregnancy the kink or fetish for pregnant people or getting someone pregnant. It has nothing to do with the child itself but the person carrying the child.

NGL I think once you two come to an agreement about pregnancy(in this case you agree to start trying for kids) Harvey is absolutely going to go batshit insane with this new development. Before he would’ve never said that this is something he’s into but once you two agree he’s so pumped up and actually starts talking dirty if he didn’t before. It’s crazy how different he is during this time.

Alex

Anasteemaphilia the kink or fetish for extreme size differences so either a giant or a dwarf(I hope this word isn’t offensive it’s what the website used)

Dude would NEVER reveal this but actually would love a giant girlfriend. I think because of the lowkey misogynistic views he has he would like a bigger woman and a smaller man. He would LOVE lady dimitrescu from resident evil. Like bffr.

Food Play the kink or fetish of involving food during intercourse so either eating it off each other or involving it in some way

Oh absolutely would love to eat food off of you and would want you to lick stuff off of him. Like whipped cream and chocolate syrup are MUSTS if you’re having a particularly long night. He thinks it’s so erotic to eat and consume stuff off of each other that don’t really have anything to do with sex.

Elliott

Psellismophilia the kink or fetish for stuttering

One of the weird ones I found. I think he would think it’s cute and if you do have a stutter or happen to stutter when you’re nervous he’s going to have such a confidence booster because of it. Like YES keep stumbling over your words and stuttering it actually is cute to him and he feels like he’s in a book or a movie or something.

Podophilia the kink or fetish for feet

I think this one is obvious? I think he’d prefer beautiful people and that includes feet. In a lot of erotic movies and books and even in romance books feet have some sort of importance to them. Whether it’s used to dominate someone or to pleasure someone he likes beautiful feet. He wants you to step on him(not in a rough way) and tbh I could see him wanting to recreate the scene in that one tarentino(is this his name) movie where he casts himself in the role that drinks I think alcohol from that woman’s food after it runs down her leg.

[increasinglygeeky]

My Yuu character and the TWST Boys relationships with her boobs (yes, I'm serious) (part 1) (part 2) (part 3)

Riddle ❤️:

Ace 🟥:

Rook 🏹:

Leona 🦁:

Malleus 🐲:

Ruggie 🟡:

Jack 🐺:

Vil 💄:

Floyd 🔹️:

Idia 📲: