#smth horrible is definitely gonna happen

[spideyhexx]

im actually like so unwell and not in the good way😔

[nikasbae]

NO CALLER ID - P.B X READER

a/n : “am i okay” by megan moroney is probably the best album ive heard this whole year so now im writing about it !!

warnings : not proofread !! , angst , pretty short

You and Paige recently broke up 3 days ago. Finally after multiple arguments and her cheating on you , you broke up with her and moved on. or so you thought . Paige always liked to drunk call you after an argument because she knew you always would pick up. It made you frustrated knowing that you let her make a joke out of you each time. You wanted things to work out between you guys, but she saw you as a joke.

“It’s the same thing every time Paige! You either treat me right or we can officially end things.” You told Paige. “At least I’m not so insecure about my girlfriend talking to other girls.” Paige quickly replied. It hurt you because you weren’t insecure, you just wanted to be treated correctly. “Paige I love you, I really do. But you treat me horribly. The only reason I’m ’insecure’ is because every night your with a different girl instead of me. I’m supposed to be your girlfriend not side piece.” You told Paige. You heard her laugh and mumble something under her breath. “You know what Paige, get out.” You told Paige. “You’re so pathetic.” Paige said as she put her shoes on, gathered her belongings, and walked out.

The whole day you knew that she was probably out with another girl, getting drunk. You knew that you were slowly getting over her. You went on about your day normally. You, Morgan and Jana were best friends. You would open up to them about the horrible things that Paige would do and they would give you advice in return. You guys decided to buy last minute tickets to a Megan Moroney concert. “Dude wait, what are we gonna wear tonight?” You said looking up at them while you put your phone down. “Definitely something blue. Maybe like a white and blue top with a dark blue skirt? I don’t know” Morgan told you. “Let’s just go buy something and see what’s cute” Jana told you both.

The whole ride back from the store was basically you filling them in about everything that happened between you and Paige. “I think I’m finally over her though” you said. “I’ll believe it when I see it” Morgan said sighing. “Girl please you say that and then the next day you’re back with her.” Jana said as she rolled her eyes.

You three were having the best time at the concert. You were super happy that you could finally feel at peace without Paige. During Megan’s set, you felt your phone buzzing. You took it out of your pocket and you handed your phone to Jana. Paige had this thing about drunk calling you privately, but she had done it so much that you knew every call coming from a ‘No Caller ID’ was her. “Leave her alone, she’s busy.” Jana told Paige over the phone before hanging up on her. The whole night your phone was flooded with texts and missed calls from Paige, but you didn’t care anymore.

Eventually you moved on, but she was still stuck on you. She would text you everyday and, surprisingly she hadn’t changed. You knew she wasn’t going to change anytime soon, so you moved on.

a/n: this was super rushed and not proofread sorry !! but i had to write smth. also please send requests !!

[tslockjawmassacre]

Whenever gay Americans get angry abt what our government is doing to Palestinians (and why), there's always someone who loves to be like "Who's gonna tell these dummies homosexuality is illegal in Gaza?"

That's so crazy.

I'm a gay Texan in my mid 20s. When I was a little kid, homosexuality was illegal. Here in Texas, where I lived and where I still happily live.

So (TW "war" crimes) I guess it would've been fair enough if the U.S. and Israel had bombed me and my family and neighbors, our houses and jobsites and whole communities, the girls I played with down the street, my baby brothers, my grandparents at work, the trans Texans who used to meet up downtown in the city, everybody else etc. If they had deliberately driven us from our homes and forced us to live in terror every night and every day, maiming our children, burning our parents alive, attacking&cutting off our food and water, blocking our aid, methodically starving us out and telling us straight up that we needed to be scrubbed off the face of the earth so they could take everything we have and not worry about keeping it.

I mean, damn I guess we would've had it coming. Homosexuality wasn't even legal, right? Sounds like a Texas problem. What do I care what the gov spends all those $$,$$$,$$$,$$$ and lives doing?

*Just to be clear, gay sex between men was a crime here until 2003 (when I was definitely kicking around, painting my nails with markers and eating bugs).

If I wanted to see penalties that were exactly the same as (or often harsher than) what's been left on the books in Gaza (and maybe sometimes ? enforced), I just have to go back one generation to my parents' lifetime, when men were getting 10 years in prison and, unlike in Palestine, police were setting up sting operations to actively crack down on the gay problem (again, smth that doesn't even happen in Gaza).

This is not, like, a weird feature of some "foreign" culture to me, and it really shouldn't be for any American who isn't super young or who knows her history. That doesn't make it right (at all), but you can't believe the lie that "these people aren't like you". It's actually insane. Pretending this has any relevance on the genocide other than to say that queer Palestinians are even more greatly impacted by it is crazy and disgusting.

-- This really doesn't need to be added, but if we're supposed to play this stupid game, Palestinians in the West Bank took their anti-gay laws off the books in the early 1950s, at the same time basically all U.S. state governments were creating new laws specifically targeting gay (and trans) ppl and categorizing gay sex as a felony with harsh prison sentences. Now should our American grandparents/parents have been starved and scrubbed off the earth?? I would say... No!

The laws in Gaza are definitely not good for gay and trans Gazans -- stigma is very real, and gay rights aren't explicitly protected under the freedoms and human rights guaranteed by the Palestinian constitution. This is wrong, but obv genocide makes it a million times worse and is indescribably more horrible for all Palestinians, queer and straight.

And I don't get how anybody living in the "anglo-sphere" can pretend like this is some distant culture we're talking about -- these laws were imposed by the British Empire on occupied Palestine in the 1930s and then left on the books. Incredibly, Palestinians are normal people, and I think there's a good reason so many lgbt's see right through this bullshit.

We understand that the same politicians who weaponize "family values" can condemn families to death to line their own pockets.

We've heard "save the children" from people happy to condemn children to the horrors of genocide.

And when bought-out politicians defend our gay rights, they still don't hesitate to drop bombs on our mangled gay bodies.

[pineconedrop]

Lunar Rambles

I honestly have no idea how much is gonna be on this post. So I’m just gonna do what I do for the headcanons.

Lunar deserves more credit for taking down Eclipse. He was the one who helped Monty build Bloodmoon, knowing Eclipse was scared of him. He let Moon back out so he could continue his plan. In fact, he told Sun and Moon a bunch of information without being tricked into it (if I remember correctly). And to further prove my point, the TEAPS episode what if episode straight up proves it.

Lunar is actually very smart and I’m tired of the show treating him like he’s not. (The show did this/still does this to Sun, constantly referring to the two as the dumb one and it’s so stupid). First off, the whole Eclipse situation. Lunar was able to trick Eclipse and get out of a horrible situation. He’s also used to be very emotionally intelligent (I dunno about now, but he definitely used to be). He’s smart in his own right, just like Sun is.

Lunar’s whole thing with Nutella is sad and funny at the same time. Like in yesterday’s TEAPS episode, he was basically fighting the voices. There was no way Lu’s pupils didn’t dilate like a moth seeing a light. Also, him saying he uses the sugar high to distract himself… fair enough dude.

I’ve said this before, but I really really really want Sun and Lunar to bond more cause BOY ARE THEY SIMILAR

Lunar and Ballora’s friendship is amazing and needs to develop more. Let them be besties please 🙏 🙏🙏🙏. I just want Lunar to have more normal friendships dude is lonely. (And I love Ballora, she’s so funky. So seeing her interact with my favorite character makes me very happy.)

I want Lunar to move to Eclipse’s and Puppet’s dimension please. Unless he has an actual villain arc, then I want him to stay so Lunar x Rez happens :)

While I do miss how Lunar used to be sometimes, I fucking love how he is now and no one can convince me to hate him. It’s so cool to see the way he has developed and he’s so cool and I love him.

I never understood why everyone latched onto the MONTH PLE- joke. Like it doesn’t bother me (it did before he came back but we don’t talk about that), I just don’t understand why it’s funny.

I need Lunar to get a new body. I want tall Lunar. Please and thank you (in fact, it would be fucking hilarious if he became taller than Sun, Moon, and Solar. It would make me happy.)

I’m pretty sure I told y’all this, but Lunar is the whole reason I got into this show. I’m not joking, I saw one video with him, fell in love with him, then preceded to watch the entire show from the beginning so I could see him.

I want Lunar to have a friendship like he used to have with Solar again. Whether it be with Solar again or someone else, dude just needs someone in his life like that.

I don’t really want Lumini to become a thing again (I’ve explained this in another post, if you wanna know details) and instead I say they should just be friends.

I wanna kiss him :)

I am torn about how I feel about Lunar and Eclipse’s relationship. On one hand, I want them to have a healthy relationship and become friends or smth like that. But on the other hand, it feels like the wrong way to take it? Like (at least for now) it feels like it takes away from the whole story. Because Eclipse hurt him badly and he doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. I want Lunar to be able to heal from it without forgiving

That is the end of my rambles (for now). Into my cave I go. :D

[skznccmlee]

OKAYYYYYY I am so sorry for taking so long with this but it's been a really rough week and I was busy in the weekend, so I'm pretty tired

BUT ANYWAY welcome to Ahhie's Tickle Rant Of Fridays this time in a Monday😻😻

Friday was a horrible day

Horrible and exhausting (I had a spelling bee contest, don't ask how it went)

Bc of the contest, I arrived school at 1:30pm (... Exactly the hour when we leave school), so Cloud was going for her piano and she went "YOU'RE ALIVEEE" JSNDNWJ

Then we did the usual

Went to an empty classroom :3

And I got

The BEST DAMN SOFT TICKLES OF MY LIFE

Was it enough to get me out of my lee mood? Nope, I'm gonna need rough tickles next time (I'm already out of my extremely hyper mega super soft mood, so I can go back to read rough fics and get rough tickles :3 (not so rough though, I've never liked it too rough))

I liked it? DEFINITELY YES

She tickled basically everywhere, I was DYINGGGG

She sometimes got close to my hips and I thought she was gonna tickle but didn't (I really think she forgot that spot exists- JSNMDJWND😭)

And she was like, tickling some seconds, then stopped some seconds, then tickling again, and so on

And when she stopped I tried distracting myself as usual (... Don't tell her I'm admitting this)

AND SHE STARTED TO COUNT HOW MANY TIMES I DID IT

AND SAID "when I reach 10, I'm gonna multiply that by a number you'll give me, and then idk what and smth of a chronometer"

Which in my mind was translated to "I'm gonna tickle you so bad" AND I'M HONESTLY IN

I've 7

SEVEEEENNNNNNN

Blushing at the thought of this

AND THEN SHE SAID

"I wanna see what happens when I tickle you for a longer time" UUJUUUNWMFIEJMRJUSNWJDKD come find out

Then we had to go to piano

And we got NO BREAK, so that meant no tickles (:c)

Though I did really well with the song and had fun with the piano like I hadn't had since 7, so I would say it stills kind of a win

But since we didn't got break time

The class ended 15 minutes before, so Cloud and I went to leave our pianos in the lab as usual

AND I GOT TICKLED A BIT MORE (gently again)

That's when she reached 7

And that was it for the day THANK YOU FOR COMING TO AHHIE'S WEEKLY TICKLE RANT OF FRIDAYS THIS TIME IN A MONDAY OF THIS WEEK😻

See you guys next one, which will be the last time in like 5 weeks so it's gonna be a while for us to see in this section BUT ANYWAY

Ty for coming again :3

[yonezawacastle]

no you’re SO real for that. this event has been horrible so far and i hate how every character is acting so OOC and completely horrid (minus nobu. i quite liked him)

i mean masa could’ve worded that better, but i did feel for him the most bc like if those “candies” did contain smth and mc being the idiot that she is didn’t tell him, then he’d be one taken advantage of. and from other events it’s pretty much clear that MC can and will put her foot down and not do something she doesn’t want to. i still feel like she potentially harmed him more. especially bc they never addresses the “sachet” thing either.

and kiyomasa was so creepy and manipulative too :/ clearly taking advantage of MC’s cluelessness and his power over her and the date

and don’t get me STARTED on the mess in nobunaga’s event. honestly surprised he came out as the most reasonable out of all the characters. though i still feel annoyed the writers didn’t have him react to MC being SAed by a woman the same way he’d reacted to her being attacked by a man.

istg this event kinda felt like it was written by AI. i did not like it one bit and didn’t bother playing. masamune especially didn’t deserve that sort of treatment :/ he’s always the sweetest character ever.

they truly dropped the ball with this one.

A fellow hater! <3

Ugh, I feel you on the candy/sachet thing. That whole storyline made my skin crawl. It's a dehumanizing way to view your partner, and a really weird choice besides, given that it's the depth and sincerity of his feelings that she's worried about to begin with. Masa and MC are usually one of the sweeter couples in the game, so it was genuinely off-putting watching them each blatantly trying to coerce each other in this one.

Kiyomasa was definitely creepy. Both he and Masamune were concerned with getting what they wanted and clearly not giving a damn about the burden they were placing on MC in doing so. I generally like Kiyomasa quite a bit so I was sorry to find myself disliking him so much here.

Honestly, though: the blatant abuse of both men's social power over the MC made for a nasty read, and did actually feel more than a bit OOC for them. I've been playing this game for a little over two years and I honestly think this is the only event story to have ever left such a bad taste in my mouth.

I say that as someone who usually enjoys the stories that look at the characters' flaws and shitty habits.

Idk, this story just felt like three people just being unusually horrible to each other, which would bother me less if the narrative didn't seem dead set on presenting this as romantic and desirable. Different strokes for different folks, I guess. This one just felt weird and rancid to me.

I was totally planning on doing Nobunaga's route next. :/ I'm not even generally a huge fan of his character but I'm just glad someone here is coming out less than 100% awful and brain-dead. I think I'm still gonna do it over the next day or two, out of morbid curiosity if nothing else, after which I would like to forget this event ever happened.

[ihatehannibal]

stupid shit

I love it when smth happens to reaffirm my long held fear that my little sister, who I would die for in a heartbeat, truly could not care less about me...just now we were watching a show together & I bought her some potbelly as a little treat bc she just got home from her excursion with her refugee kids & generally it seemed like everything was fine. we were having a good time. anyways over the course of the episode I started feeling progressively sicker, then at a certain point I announced that I was gonna throw up, ran out to the bathroom & puked my guts out for like 5 mins straight, like VIOLENTLY & loudly, sobbing in between bc it was so painful. I was so confused about why I was alone the whole time bc if roles had been reversed I'd have rushed in immediately, held her hair, patted her back & helped her clean up .

so I thought, maybe she just somehow can't hear me? but i walked back into my room & there she was, still watching the show (which she has already seen btw so it's not like she was so engrossed that she forgot about me). I just stood in the doorway for a few seconds silently, then went like "...so you couldn't even pause it?" and she looked at me like I was an annoying bug and went "what?" and I said, very incredulous at this point, "did you not hear any of that??" and she said "what, you throwing up? I heard." in a really irritated voice, barely even looking at me, still not pausing the show.

I don't remember what I said in response or if I even said anything but I ended up back in the bathroom sobbing and scrubbing the floors (that shit got /everywhere/ it was insane, and I was still feeling so sore). it's not like I expected her to dote on me but she literally didn't even bother to act concerned. even my notoriously lazy selfish brother would've definitely come to the door and asked if I was ok, but my sister, my best friend since we were both in diapers, couldn't be fucked to even turn the TV off. lmao I feel so loved thanks!!!!

the part that's eating at me now is that I KNOW she knows exactly how this makes me feel. she was gone from my room when I returned after cleaning the bathroom, probably to avoid having to deal with my hurt feelings. my emotions are always just an inconvenience for her. this isn't an isolated incident either, I feel like besides my mom there's not a single person who loves me in a real way. my best friend has been so detached lately and my other best friend chewed me out about "emotional dumping" on her when she's already stressed. so I groveled obviously bc I just assumed it was probably my fault & I must be too autistic to understand why . literally no one has any idea how horrible they make me feel bc when I tell them it's always spun into me being too sensitive or dramatic, /especially/ with my sister. it's weird how she's so popular & has so many friends who all think she's the nicest person ever but with me it's like...she just has nothing but contempt for my emotional instability even when it's justified. she burnt out on me before we even reached puberty & now only hangs around me out of obligation bc we are sisters

[wrongcaitlyn]

this is completely self-indulgent, but i was thinking about apollos career before him disappearing and stuff and now i cant stop imagining apollo in a similar situation to Jeremy Jordan with the greatest showman. i know you are not that into musicals so long story short, jeremy jordan (who is like a big deal on musical theater) was supposed to play phillip on the greatest showman but ended up being replaced by zac efron even though he (jeremy) kind of saved the entire movie by singing all the songs during the demo (except "from now on"). i can 100% see apollo taking part of a demo for a musical movie and being promised a part to later on be replaced by someone else. jeremy actually told his side of the story (and sang snippets from the songs) and how he was super excited to play the part and be part of the project (ill link the video in case you want to check it out) and it was actually his way of telling this story what sold me on it being something apollo would do. like apollo is such a theater kid in my mind that him doing a whole stand up thing talking and singing about how he did not get a role for a movie is just soooo in character.

anyway, here's the video im talking about, its just such an insane story that i still cant believe it actually happened https://youtu.be/08AGzOmCk-s?si=XfX3xIpFmkqQePrI

wanted to wait until i watched the video to respond to this so sorry that it took so long!! but WOW. oh my god. that's so... i want to say rude, but also frustrating, and heartbreaking to a certain extent?? like to have done all of that just to know that you were never actually gonna get the part and it was going to go to someone that just had a bigger name - i loved the greatest showman when it came out (and ngl my family was a bit obsessed with it, i can't even count how much we rewatched it) and ngl, was a huge hsm stan as a kid (also cannot count how many times i rewatched those movies) so seeing zac efron be in the greatest showman was part of the incentive that got me to watch it for the first time - but it's still just such an asshole move??

as for your question, i feel like that ABSOLUTELY would happen. even though apollo is technically like the "big name" in this, and would be offered roles without even an audition, i do think that his father may occasionally just have gotten him to sing demos and have to step in everywhere, seeing as his father was a director and producer and occasionally just needed an extra person to sing/act - but then the role wouldn't actually be given to apollo because his father wouldn't want that role for him or approve of it, or any other reason.

apollo probably didn't care much of the time (except his sleep deprivation definitely did, because also the flying across new york while being horribly sick and still having to sing?? definitely smth that has happened to apollo) but i bet there was at least a movie or a show or something that he was really disappointed about not being a part of :/

thank you for the ask!!

[lestatslefttit]

Please stop beautifying mutilated characters

TW: major spoilers for the Shadow and Bone trilogy (post Siege & Storm/book 2) and minor spoilers for Sally Face

Very random rant about smth that’s been bothering me for a while.

Why can’t people just let “disfigured” (I looked for a different word that explains what exactly I mean and couldn’t find it, but I’m aware that it’s not okay to say that about someone, I’m just trying to express what I mean as specifically as possible) be “disfigured”???!!

I’m so tired of seeing people draw characters like Sal Fisher and Genya Safin as just pretty faces with a couple scars. Can we be for real for 2 fucking seconds? I don’t wanna put any of the fanart I’m talking about in this post because I don’t wanna call out any artist in particular, I’m sure most, if not all, mean well doing this, I just think it’s a little fucked.

Sal’s face was messed up when he was a kid. Canonically a whole piece of his jaw is missing. The cartilage of his nose is at least partially missing. He is not a pretty anime boy with a few lines on his face. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. That’s doesn’t make him a better or a worse person, it’s just a fact about his appearance. It says absolutely nothing about who he is but it is an important part of his character and definitely impacts his actions and personality.

When Alina first sees Genya after what happened to her, this is how she’s described (literally copied and pasted from the fucking book)

“It was not Baghra. I didn’t know what it was. The bites were everywhere, raised black ridges of flesh, twisting lumps of tissue that could never be healed, not by Grisha hand or by any other, the unmistakable marks of the nichevo’ya. Then I saw the faded flame of her hair, the lovely amber hue of her one remaining eye.”

She looks so different that Alina doesn’t recognize her. At first she describes her as a “what”, because that’s how affected her appearance was by that happened to her. So you’re gonna sit here and tell me that it’s perfectly sensible to draw her (post nichevo’ya) exactly the same as before but with a cute little eyepatch and a few lines over her face? Stop trying to beautify characters that have had accidents like this. They’re not conventionally pretty and that’s not a fucking character flaw.

I absolutely hate policing people’s art. Draw thin characters fat, give able bodied character disabilities if you want, make characters black or Asian or whatever you want, I’m all for representation, but please don’t erase this important part of who they are. Because it is an important part of who they are. It impacts so much of their lives in canon. And we can still love them exactly how they look. We should still love them exactly how they look, without trying to erase these horrible things that happened to them.

I chose to focus on these two characters in particular because they’re the ones I’ve seen this being done to the most, but this is true for any characters who have suffered through horrible things that heavily changed their appearance.

And before someone comments on this saying that it’s just fictional characters and all that bullshit, I’m well aware. I’m also well aware that this post is not gonna change jack shit and people are still gonna draw Genya and Sal and any other characters who don’t look “normal” as pretty, conventional faces and there’s nothing I can do about that. I have no intention of fighting with any artist that chooses to do this. I’m just asking that if you are one of the people who choose to erase these kind of physical characteristics about these characters, that you ask yourself why you feel the need to do it. If you like the character enough to want to draw them, why can’t you actually like them how they are? If you read all this and still don’t give a shit, good for you, that’s not my business. I just thought it was worth bringing this up.

Anyways, if anyone wants to actually have a discussion about this I’ll be happy to, this has just been bothering me for a long time and I felt like ranting about it. Hopefully at least one person actually stops to thinks because of this post. Maybe no one will. That’s okay.

If you have had an accident that left your appearance similar to one of these characters, I hope you can still see representation in them, no matter how their appearance is treated by the fandom, and I hope you know that you are worthy of love no matter what you look like.

[plague-of-insomnia]

hm idk how ur gonna feel abt an ask like this but i do want to get smth off my chest & u seem p safe. feel free to delete if u want

i saw a post recently talking abt how "gay" got used as a slur a lot more than people acknowledge. and it got me thinking of my school years & how often it got thrown around.

thing is. and heres where my train of thought goes off the rails. i actually experienced the word "incest" as an attack more than the word "gay"... which. ill explain. but it really got me thinking on this whole purity culture & demonising of incest depicted in literature & yknow taking things too far with whats considered incest.

bc at the end of the day. the reason incest is illegal (mostly) is to prevent inbreeding & the health issues that come along with that. if ur not blood related then theres no problem.

and like. the reason i got called incestuous and generally ostracised was bc i was close with a boy in my year. like we dated for a week as 14 yros do. and at some point i discovered that hey. his last name is the same as my aunts and lo and behold hes my 2nd cousin thru marriage or smth. so. not incest at all.

anyway that p much ruined our friendship (& it was a friendship. i broke things off before i even knew we were related bc i just didnt feel the same way and we stayed friends for a little bit) all bc some kids couldnt let it go that we had the vaguest relation to each other. he got bullied for the rest of our school year & ive felt horribly guilty for leaving him bc i wanted to be "cool" & ended up without any close friends like we were.

sorry if thats a weird thing to put in ur inbox.

Hey, anon. I don't mind this ask. I hope you don't mind me replying publicly. (In future if you don't just say so.)

This post will be a bit long, so I'll go ahead and put it under a readmore.

TW for discussions of "gay" used in a negative way, and discussions of the use of the word "incest," and its association with child sexual abuse, though there's really nothing terribly bad here as I'm not going into detail on any of thse topics. (If you need something tagged, though, let me know.)

Now, I'm old as dirt by tumblr standards, and I remember VIVIDLY the word "gay" being used in a negative light. As a kid, I didn't really see it used as a "slur" per se, but it was used to mean something was bad.

Like, if you saw a movie that sucked, you'd say "Man, that movie was so gay." It meant something like "lame."

So obviously, it wasn't a good thing, and when I got a bit older and was explained why using the word was bad, I stopped, and fortunately most other kids did too and it mostly faded from use (in that sense) at least as far as I noticed.

(I'm not saying gay hasn't been used as a more nasty slur/word ofc, this is just my personal experience with it.)

Granted, keep in mind when I was in high school, our LGBTQ+ club was just the "Gay/Straight Alliance." Back then, it was basically, you were gay/lesbian, or you were an ally. We never talked about trans people or nonbinary people or ace/aro people. Ofc every one of those identities/kinds of people existed, but as far as my world went, they didn't. Most of my circle of friends was queer in some way, but many were closeted or semi-closeted for various reasons.

Anyway, sorry for that detour. Now, as to your incest situation. I'm sorry that happened to you. It definitely wasn't fair. You didn't have any way to know if you were related, and if/when you did it was "easy" to end the relationship. But kids are kids, and they always love to find a way to single people out, and they probably didn't really care what the actual truth was.

Even if you'd discovered having a similar name was total coincidence, I'm sure they'd still have bullied you for "incest."

I wasn't bullied for it, thankfully, but I did have a classmate in high school with the same last name as mine. My name is very common in some places, but where I lived at that time it was not, so everyone assumed we were fraternal twins. He was a nice enough guy, but I really didn't want people to think we were siblings. But no matter how many times we both explained we weren't related, no one believed us.

Sometimes, once someone makes their mind up about something, there's no changing it.

As for "abandoning" your friend because you didn't want to be left out and regretting it, I get that too. There was a guy I dated when I was around 16, and we were very passionate, but I think honestly I entered a major depressive episode and lost all interest in everything, including him, and... anyway, I regret how things ended between us even today, many, many years later. I wish I could shake my 16-year-old self and tell them not to be so cruel, but we can't change the past, only learn from it and move forward.

With regards to antis/purity culture taking incest so far, I do agree it has gotten ridiculous. As you said, the reason incest is taboo is because of inbreeding, because if your (general you) DNA is too closely related, you increase the chance of having major/significant diseases due to a lack of genetic diversity. But antis tend not to understand the WHY's behind things (since they also believe pedophilia is bad bc it's disgusting, and not because it hurts children, who become real grown adults).

But I have seen some really wild takes called incest. Like a ship from one fandom where the male and female characters are friends. A lot of people consider it "problematic" apparently, because they have a "sibling-like" relationship. They did not grow up together, they aren't related, and yet that's "incest" according to antis.

I do want to mention another reason that incest can/is considered so bad, and it's because, despite what antis may think, most sexual abuse of children comes from someone close to them in their lives, often a family member or close friend. So for a lot of people, when they think of "incest," they closely associate it with sexual abuse of a child. It's possible that's why antis get so upset about it. I don't know. But that is another aspect to it. (Ofc for you, in your past situation, you were both around the same age, so that's not the case, but that association is there.)

But, in the end, in fiction, it doesn't matter, because there are not actual children who can be conceived or harmed, and so the whole purpose behind why incest isn't allowed in many places in modern times doesn't exist.

I hope you're doing OK now, anon. Don't be to hard on yourself. A lot of people have done things when they were young teens they regret and wish they could "undo," but as long as you learned from that experience so you could become a better person than that 14-year-old version of you, I think you're doing OK.

Sending you some hugs. <3

[eievuiisms]

ok so im finally just gonna infodump about that dhmis au i just randomly started posting like a week ago almost, which ive just referred to as the dollhouse au. anyway infodumping under the cut lmao

so as i mentioned in the og comic for it, it was kinda inspired by ‘inside a mind’s theory abt the dhmis webseries but likeeee mostly for the aspect of red guy being the main focus + having some level of responsibility irt the situation, but anyway i mention this since its the basis of this au more or less

so the trio were all humans once, & were all connected in some sort of way. i havent determined the extent of their relationships but they def knew each other, and werent like borderline strangers. in my mind, red & duck were coworkers + friends (and potentially working on getting to be more than that, but never got there) and red & yellow had a familial, brotherly type of relationship (ive tossed around the possibility of them being maybe step-brothers or smth like that, idk like i said i havent determined the extent so take that w/ a grain of salt)

(also fyi yellow’s an adult & is younger than both red & duck by a somewhat significant amount, but he’s def just a neurodivergent adult man. theres not any plot significance, i just figured i’d say lol)

now these 3 definitely all have struggles in their lives, some of which have been reflected in the show (red’s inability to connect with others ‘like him,’ duck not actually liking being alone, yellow having a poor relationship w/ his dad, etc etc). their lives arent exactly horrible but its far from sunshine & daisies

(ive kinna debated the idea that maybe a significant event happened that negatively affected red in particular but idk i dont think i wanna make it melodramatic so lets just leave it as ‘their lives arent Perfect’ for now lol)

so at some point, red comes across an antique shop that’s never been there before, one that holds all of the puppet props as well as the dollhouse from the TV series, which red is given with the claim that it ‘belongs to him’ (& yes, the person that gives it to him is lesley). so red is just kinda like ‘ok ig’ & takes this totally normal dollhouse that won’t cause him problems in the future home w/ him. what could possibly go wrong

anyway i figure some time passes after he obtains the dollhouse but basically to make a short story shorter, he - & the other 2 - wind up getting trapped inside the dollhouse as puppets, so theyre stuck in there & then in the normal world theyre obvs labelled as missing. while they’re trapped in this dollhouse, they dont remember anything from their prev life - they do not remember being human, and they do not remember knowing each other as closely as they once did.

so before proceeding, i will say that in this au, both the webseries & the TV series occur in the timeline, & they do indeed occur one after the other, so the webseries is ‘season 1′ & the TV series is ‘season 2′ (& i think i will be referring to them as such throughout the rest of this dump bc its easier than specifying ‘webseries’ & ‘TV series’ each time lol)

so during s1, red guy is in ‘control’ - in the absolute loosest terms, bc obviously these puppets cant control SHIT, but all i mean by 'control’ is that their surroundings are reflective of a certain individual. in the case of s1, it is red. because of this, the trio is a little more self-aware (as red particularly was in s1), and they remember each incident that happens between episodes. obviously, things go downhill reaallllyyyy badly because red doesnt have a grip on anything, so we get some pretty nasty incidents. additionally, the world all around looks more realistic & uncanny while red has the reins

eventually, red accidentally leaves following dhmis 4, and this leads to him going into a version of the real world (obvs not the actual real world. whatever forces that have put him & his friends there aint done with him yet), which, as we all know, eventually leads to him pulling the plug on the world. now, he did this with the expectation that he & the other 2 would finally be free. but no, all it did was take the control out of his hands and put it into the hands of someone else

enter s2, i’m actually going to go ahead & say that ‘transport’ is the first thing that happens chronologically. so here we have red coming freshly out of s1′s events which were clearly traumatizing, and who also expected to be free of this hell puppet world only to find himself right back in the thick of it, so yeah, he’s a little on edge and stir crazy and wants to be free. but here’s the real kicker: none of them fully remember the events of s1. yellow & duck certainly dont, & red only has hints of feelings remaining from it, enough to make him frustrated, but not enough to remember the gory details. this is meant to be the hint that the ‘control’ has switched hands, since as i mentioned previously, they could remember what happened between incidents under red’s control. by the end of ‘transport’ whenever yellow reacts to hearing lesley’s voice, that’s the reveal in this au that yellow’s the next person to be ‘in control’

ways in s2 that show that yellow’s now control: things are definitely a lot softer, while still having their darker moments (compare this to yellow’s brain friends & how cute they were, then how that eventually went downhill) + the trio only have vague recollections of previous events (yellow evidently has some memory problems according to ‘friendship’), among other things. but basically, just judging on how the show treats yellow in s2, its reasonable enough to say in this au that he’s the next one in control of the dollhouse after red, who was evidently seen as an inappropriate fit

anyway thats about all i got atm lol, ive just been rotating this au in my brain for a while so i figured its abt time i like. actually write out most of the details gkjfhgjk. especially bc ppl seemed to like the lil drawings ive done for it, so < 3

[sunnychuuya]

Skipping any that r personal info

3. Feb 14th

4. Aquarius

5. I like alot but pastel colors >>> and also purple

6. 3, 4 and 7

7. 2 dogs, a corgi named Clifford and a double doodle named ellie

8. MURICA🤠 (why)

9. 5ft 7 last time I checked

10. 9½

11. ..... 23. 23 pairs of shoes. It's not an addiction i swear-

12. Idk I'm pretty sure it was smth about gojo-

13. Absurd amounts of knowledge on my hyperfixations!! But watercolors and writing

14. Lmao what does this mean

15. *glances at my spotify* uh.. good.. question may I submit 3674 answers? N-no?

16. I don't have a fav I like disney movies but I recently watched suzume it was pretty good

17. someone who loves and respects me also a cosplayer cuz couples cosplay >>> (also preferably taller than me? Prolly won't happen)

18. Idk bro

19. Nah

20. Nope raised an atheist

21. Yes I think 2 times for myself then for my brother like four times

22. Nah thankfully

23. YES I used to be obsessed with descendants and I met China Anne McLain

24. Depends- for getting clean definitely showers but I love baths so much

25. No socks in bed rn

26. No

27. Maybe. It would be cool but then there is also everything else.

28. I like the music I like not rlly picky I listen to alot of kpop and jpop tho

29. No. No desire too either

30. 1-4 and a stuffie on top of the pillow

31. I contort myself horribly during my sleep and also wake up incredibly sore! I've woken up half dangling off the bed more times than I can count

32. It's a good size

33. What's breakfast? [When I remember I like breakfast burritos and my moms chocolate Banana muffins]

34. Bb guns, nerf guns, never a real gun

35. YES AND I LOVE IT SM

36. Asking a writer their favorite word? How dare you.

37. MOTHERFUCKER it's so versatile and just rolls off the tongue!

38. At least 3 days !

39. I have a bunch of little scars all around my body due to clumsiness especially on my hands just little spots

40. No sadly not

41. Yes I can be very good at manipulation too!

42. Kinda

43. It seriously depends some days I can perfectly do an accent and then the next day I sound like I'm on crack but one I'm pretty consistently able to do is a subtle British accent and a southern accent

44. Nope

45. I think alot of accents r rlly cute but especially kr accents idk why I'm pretty sure it's bc of hwang hyunjin cuz I am cringe

46. Mbti? Intp

47. I'm not 100% sure but I think one of my dresses was about 45 bucks. I get most of my stuff from yard sales bc it's simply better

48. Yes! Hot dog and w

49. Innie ofc

50. Right handed but I'm getting better with my left hand so I can have bisexual hands

51. THOSE FUCKING DEMONS ARE TERRIBLE

52. Tacos is my go to

53. Most Asian food is fucking amazing sushi especially tho

54. I feel bad for saying it again but it depends-

55. Something involving the word fuck I'm sure. Or maybe "I'm gonna kms" cuz that's healthy

56. Fuck. I'm sure of that. Its not healthy but it's meee

57. If i just woke up- 45 minutes if it's midday 10

58. I don't think so

59. Suck until it's smaller then u crunch it

60. Yes

61. Absolutely

62. Friends say I am I think I'm decent like 7/10

63. Going blind

64. For ppl I hate yeah but my besties secrets are stored in a safe

65. Bro I have a shit memory you can't ask me this fuck

66. I think both r pretty but I have thick hair that tangles easy so I like to have mine short, long hair is nice to play with though

67. Hell no!

68. Science, except for physics that shit sucks

69. Introvert

70. No it seems fun tho

71. Everything cuz I got that mental illness heh

72. A bit, i can deal with it but it makes me anxious

73. If I can do it without being rude or if it's important yes

74. No.. *sweating and backing into the corner* (yes very much so especially on my sides)

75. Nothing big but some small things I'm sure

76. Babysitting my little brother that's it

77. No

78. No

79. The first person I recognized as a crush was my bff in 2nd grade and it spiraled into a shithole that made me lose him as a friend and get made fun of the whole year

80. 2 just a basic piercing on each ear, but I'm planning on getting second piercings on each ear and a belly button piercing within the next year, and a lip ring on the right in the future

81. I CANT IT MAKES ME ANGRY HOW DO YOU DO IT

82. Very fast but not coherently

83. Not

84. Brown but I've dyed the edges purple before, which faded into a silver green and a different time blue, I wanna do red next

85. Green blue

86. The outside basically. I'm allergic to mothefucking grass. No foods tho!

87. No I am too forgetful to do that I have tried many times and failed many times

88. Dad's a therapist

89. I simply don't understand the question

90. Lowkey got anger issues so alot, but being told to respect people even if they give me none pisses me off alot

91. It's nice but basic I like the name I go by online and my real name

92. I have spent 30+ hrs on baby name sites and only half of my ocs are names

93. Girl cuz seeing my brother grow up he's fucking insane

94. My creative works

95. Used to be too trustful, now it's the opposite

96. My grandpa suggested it to my parents

97. No fucking clue

99. Pink fades to blue

100. Blue grey

it's 3 am if this is incoherent don't blame me @sciionide @nugget-child

Get To Know Me Uncomfortably Well

PLEASE DON’T LET THIS FLOP AHHHH

1. What is you middle name? 2. How old are you? 3. When is your birthday? 4. What is your zodiac sign? 5. What is your favorite color? 6. What’s your lucky number? 7. Do you have any pets? 8. Where are you from? 9. How tall are you? 10. What shoe size are you? 11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? 12. What was your last dream about? 13. What talents do you have? 14. Are you psychic in any way? 15. Favorite song? 16. Favorite movie? 17. Who would be your ideal partner? 18. Do you want children? 19. Do you want a church wedding? 20. Are you religious? 21. Have you ever been to the hospital? 22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? 23. Have you ever met any celebrities? 24. Baths or showers? 25. What color socks are you wearing? 26. Have you ever been famous? 27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? 28. What type of music do you like? 29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? 30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 31. What position do you usually sleep in? 32. How big is your house? 33. What do you typically have for breakfast? 34. Have you ever fired a gun? 35. Have you ever tried archery? 36. Favorite clean word? 37. Favorite swear word? 38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 39. Do you have any scars? 40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? 41. Are you a good liar? 42. Are you a good judge of character? 43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? 44. Do you have a strong accent? 45. What is your favorite accent? 46. What is your personality type? 47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? 48. Can you curl your tongue? 49. Are you an innie or an outie? 50. Left or right handed? 51. Are you scared of spiders? 52. Favorite food? 53. Favorite foreign food? 54. Are you a clean or messy person? 55. Most used phrased? 56. Most used word? 57. How long does it take for you to get ready? 58. Do you have much of an ego? 59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? 60. Do you talk to yourself? 61. Do you sing to yourself? 62. Are you a good singer? 63. Biggest Fear? 64. Are you a gossip? 65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? 66. Do you like long or short hair? 67. Can you name all 50 states of America? 68. Favorite school subject? 69. Extrovert or Introvert? 70. Have you ever been scuba diving? 71. What makes you nervous? 72. Are you scared of the dark? 73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? 74. Are you ticklish? 75. Have you ever started a rumor? 76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? 77. Have you ever drank underage? 78. Have you ever done drugs? 79. Who was your first real crush? 80. How many piercings do you have? 81. Can you roll your Rs?“ 82. How fast can you type? 83. How fast can you run? 84. What color is your hair? 85. What color is your eyes? 86. What are you allergic to? 87. Do you keep a journal? 88. What do your parents do? 89. Do you like your age? 90. What makes you angry? 91. Do you like your own name? 92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? 93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? 94. What are you strengths? 95. What are your weaknesses? 96. How did you get your name? 97. Were your ancestors royalty? 98. Do you have any scars? 99. Color of your bedspread? 100. Color of your room?

[estrogenboyfriend]

some questions i won't answer yet

expand read more to find out the answers:

19

masc enby femboy (he/him/any)

around 5'6? i don't remember

murica

i don't know or care

you can figure it out from my UID in genshin screenshots if you want

for now i'll only say english

turquoise

rice with soy sauce

idk currently

(possibly) coding OR playing video games

idk, i listen to obscure japanese stuff

don't have one currently

i can't choose

i don't have a favorite movie cuz i don't watch movies anymore

GENSHIN IMPACT!!!! it has become my new hyperfixation

i don't watch TV shows anymore either. but there are a few i wanna watch including toilet bound hanako kun which I have watched a bit of, and hazbin hotel which i've only seen the pilot of

i'm not into sports

same as favorite activity

my favorite article of clothing are DEFINITELY my pink femboy shorts. they are SOOOOOOO COMFYYYYYYY and cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love wearing them so muchhh

pansexual demiromantic with a VERY strong preference for guys

single (& recently broken up too) 😢

never had one

any guy(optional) who is bonded with me (i.e. i am hyper attached to them) and also sexually compatible with me (i.e. it's possible for me to adapt to what satisfies them)

any irl meetup with someone from whom i don't have to hide my identity

online: probably. irl: no

satisfying someone else, being appreciated (mostly just people liking/complimenting my body), and praise (call me a good boy PLEASE)

excessive misgendering, "sissy" stuff (please don't EVER call me that🤢), nipple/genital piercings (sorry), excessive bondage, strain on the genitals (done by certain contraptions i've seen and it looks super disturbing), catheters, and any phobia that i have (needles and sharp objects near "veiny" areas, insects, excessive gore, etc). a lot of those are not just turn offs, but also triggers

not rn, no

not that i'm aware of

not yet

around 5? maybe more...

only reddit, discord, and tumblr

u/xhydrochaeris, xhydrochaeris (i don't accept friend requests unless i know you), and @estrogenboyfriend

no, i don't like NSFW subreddits/pages and don't really find them appealing

discord > tumblr > reddit (????)

none lol, i'm a fucking lonely ass nobody everywhere

yes, all of them

uhm i don't know? probably very little compared to average for the actual functions of social media, but a LOT to communicate with others

idk lol probably some 冰淇淋 shit that i got obsessed with ages ago

black/very dark brown

black/very dark brown

no i don't, I'm pretty enough without makeup

uhm medium for a girl, long for a boy. i am a boy but girl standards apply more to me since i present femininely

kinda fat but fem (i am working on my body, eating disorder fucked me up tho)

extremely messy, naturally curly, so it just is a constant mess

usually a t-shirt, hoodie/sweater, and sweatpants.

no

no

online: yes, if you mean me with a boy. but it doesn't really happen anymore....

idk i forgot (memories are not sorted and i'm not gonna bother sorting them)

idk i ACTUALLY forgot, like forgetting on demand which is apparently something that i can do if i try hard enough...

no bruh eww lung cancer

nope

no

does pirating music and video games count? oh and also hacking(homebrewing) my new nintendo 2DS XL

uh probably not, im a good kid

YES... A LOT. i have sleep issues.....

anything that has been within 0.5m of an onion/garlic. those fuckers are NASTY, they smell horrible, taste horrible, and their smell and taste LINGERS in your fucking mouth for DAYS.... YYYYYUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes

not sure if i've met any famous people

i kinda forgot ... i have a bunch of japanese CDs/records that i like but those haven't seen the light of day ever since I got burnout months ago

baizhu in genshin impact because i WHALED for him 😢 I was so desperate but hey at least i got him now :3

GTA V on epic games cuz it was on sale

probably my phone or laptop or smth idk

my homebrewed new nintendo 2DS XL which is so fucking cool because nintendo wants it to die but i am keeping it alive against their will and i really need to start playing with it again.

奥村チヨ - 恋の奴隷 / 眠くなるまで (vinyl 7" single, jun 1 1969) https://www.discogs.com/release/3249405-%E5%A5%A5%E6%9D%91%E3%83%81%E3%83%A8-Chiyo-Okumura-%E6%81%8B%E3%81%AE%E5%A5%B4%E9%9A%B7-%E7%9C%A0%E3%81%8F%E3%81%AA%E3%82%8B%E3%81%BE%E3%81%A7

i mean, the sega genesis model 1 that i have qualifies as futuristic, doesn't it? in fact i think it's way more futuristic that a LOT of stuff that have come out recently. being "futuristic" isn't about features, it's about aesthetic, and those designers in 1989 LARPed futurism WAY better than whoever the fuck is in charge of the capitalist machine nowadays

idk, check my weird shit drawer. i once had a massive dick-shaped crumpled up paper object but i think it's been recycled now.

phone and laptop. couldn't even do basic shit without them.

i said this before, my favorite article of clothing are DEFINITELY my pink femboy shorts. they are SOOOOOOO COMFYYYYYYY and cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love wearing them so muchhh

my hard drive. don't worry, there's nothing sussy on there, just 8+ TB of illegally downloaded music

money

some clothes for men just sitting in my closet... they disturb me so much and i fucking hate them

yes

BOTH. i place equal value on both yellow and purple. on light backgrounds, it's purple, on dark backgrounds, it's yellow.

i don't like either, but i dislike taylor swift a TINY bit less

neither, the nerds can fight over this without me

sour. i have terrible spice tolerance

i guess i'd prefer cold cuz i could cover up more. hot weather would require me to show off my body even when i'm under the most dysphoria...

this kinda contradicts the last question, but summer because more free time

i am masculine in a feminine way 💙

video games

PC, but for proprietary media, nintendo

uhm i really don't know honestly

idk...but i have a pet dog

whichever has the least rules and strategizing involved. i am NOT gonna spend thousands of spoons on a game i have to learn for months and years before i can even enjoy it slightly

....what?

.......what??

...don't know

neither

lemon juice probably

if i'm in the US, neither. if i'm in europe, then mcdonalds (there is a MASSIVE difference because of capitalism which makes sure that all murican fast food and processed foods SUCK ASS and are filled with unhealthy AND un-tasty junk, and the government can't do shit to regulate the hypergigacorporations that are doing this bullshit)

uhhh depends on my mood really. maybe horror?

MAYBE alternative rock, idk..... it's hard to pick

not gonna lie, lotr is IMPOSSIBLE for me to get into and it takes 50 million spoons, but i won't pick harry potter any time soon because jk rowling is a prick, so if i'm FORCED to, it's gonna be lotr. FYI i don't enjoy any nerd media at all due to the sheer amount of effort it takes to get into them and keep up with them. it's like i'm almost completely incompatibility with them

again, i don't fucking know.

i don't want either, please leave me alone

invisibility.

i haven't listened to either so i don't know

soccer, because i don't understand baseball at all, and i kiiiinda understand soccer very little

yep a pet dog

question 33

i'm about to go to university

a B in a particularly shitty class (the professor was a prick)

As in literally all except 1 class

most programming classes

no

no

i am ABOUT to start working out. not at a gym tho, just gonna do some workouts at home and see how it goes.

probably not

maybe? idk?

[lovecatsys]

130-140?☺️

130. What’s the craziest thing you’ve learned about the music business?

crazy in a "wow I had no idea way" but my mom told me about this episode of a show she was watching or smth where there was an interview with some sort of music production guy who said that almost all singers throughout the history of recording music needed minor adjustments from autotune to get the voice to the right pitch. Apparently this guy also said that David Bowie was one of the few musicians who NEVER needed that! Because he took so many voice lessons when he was younger, he had the training to hit the notes perfectly. I wouldn't quote me on this exactly but I can ask my mom what show and episode it was if anyone is curious.

131. What’s an artist band you couldn’t even be paid to see live?

Taylor Swift. Or Imagine Dragons tbh

132. What’s an artist you’d kill to see live?

Placebo, I wanna see them so bad dammit! But idk if they'll ever come to America and I don't have a passport :(

Also David Bowie if this hypothetical killing someone else could bring him back from the dead.

133. What’s some the most obscure band/artist you know?

Omg okay my favorite answer to give to this is Otis Zee and the Zambuka band who I found on this random obscure playlist album called "Gems of the 60s and 70s" that has like a stock photo cover of gems with SUPER obscure artists that I doubt anyone has heard of before. Anyways they only have two songs on spotify and both are about Christmas. They're like a funk band. I think I found this playlist through another artist on it who I found a spotify link to on this website that had like.... thousands of links to musical artists on Spotify categorized by genre. No clue what it was called this was a while ago and I'm no longer friends with the person who showed it to me 😭.

134. Which non English sung music(and excluding your mother language) do you listen to the most?

Oh man, I barely listen to anything non English at all, but I'm gonna say Japanese because I used to listen to YMO a lot and I have a headmate who listened exclusively to J-Pop when she was around.

135. What’s a music pet peeve of youre?

when I find an obscure artist who's music I love but they turn out to be a terrible person. Like with famous artists who are bad people its not really the same and u can just pirate them, but when you find someone who has like 2 fans and their music and vibes are immaculate but they turn out to be a TERF (actual thing that happened to me 😭) it sucks so bad

136. What are some of the most creative musicians you can think of?

Bowie is definitely up there for me. Also Nova Twins, their music is super creative and interesting. Maybe Placebo goes on this list to. I feel like Nova Twins though, you have a hard time really putting them in with a specific genre, they're just so unique!

137. What is your first favorite song based on memory?

My parents listened to a lot of folk, americana, bluegrass, and country when I was little, so that was pretty much most of what I had exposure to at the time lol. I remember my favorite song being Caroline by Old Crow Medicine Show at one point, probably the earliest I can think of.

138. What is your first favorite band/artist based on memory?

I really loved Dido at one point, idk how early that was but I think it might be her. I still listen to some of her stuff occasionally, I love her voice and her style, plus it gives me nostalgia now.

139. What is your first favorite album based on memory?

Jagged Little Pill by Alanis Morissette was the first "album" I was really conscious of, and it definitely was my favorite when I was like 12, because my mom would play the CD in the car as we drove places. Funny, because she would always tell me it was her favorite album when she was 12-13, because thats how old she was when it came out, and shed play it in the CD player in her room.

140. What’s a lyric you’ve horribly misheard?

Oml I just figured out I was wrong abt this one like a couple weeks ago but for a long time I thought Bowie was saying "inspiration have I none just to touch the flaming gnome" instead of "flaming dove" 😭

[chronic-invisibility]

Possible tw for ed mentions, sh mentions, meltdowns, and gi issues

So i’ve been having horrible gi issues on and off for months, and then when i started new antidepressants they got worse, so i stopped taking them (as instructed by my psychiatrist, don’t stop taking meds without talking to your doctor) and we waited a while and then were like ok let’s try something else. Same problem. I’ve basically been living in the bathroom, i can barely go to work, i had to go to urgent care last week it was so bad. So i finally saw a gi specialist today and we’re basically going to have to try systematically ruling things in my diet out to see if any of those are the problem, do some bloodwork, and if none of that gives us any answers, do a colonoscopy. I’m already stressed as fuck bc having wicked diarrhea several times a day and no solutions and having to go to work anyway while all this is happening is really bad, but as someone with limited foods i eat in the first place due to my sensory issues from autism and also an undiagnosed ed (which is rapidly turning from probably osfed or smth into just full blown fear of food and eating bc i have no clue what’s setting my stomach off) this is going to be really hard. The first thing he wants me to stop eating is dairy, and cheese is one of my safe foods. If i don’t eat cheese for 4-5 days like he’s suggesting, i’m basically just not going to eat lunch the whole time. And then if that’s not it, try other things, like fresh fruits and veggies, which i actually do like, so that’ll suck, too, and then soy and eggs and then wheat.

If none of it helps, I’m going to have to get a colonoscopy, which is deeply unpleasant when you’re healthy but even worse if you’re not, and i’ve also had a pretty bad relapse with sh recently and that will be very visible if i have to do a colonoscopy, which is also stressing me out. I don’t want to do a colonoscopy, mostly bc of how awful it is but also bc i don’t know what they’ll say or do if they see pretty fresh cvts all over my hips, i’m an adult so they probably can’t tell my parents without breaking a bunch of hipaa laws, but who knows what they’d do. Not me. I’m really not sure what’s going to happen, and i’m stressed about cutting back my already limited diet, and honestly i don’t think any of the foods he wants me to stop eating are the problem, bc it’s not like “oh when i eat bread i shit myself” or “oh when i eat cheese i shit myself” or any of that, really, i just have horrible horrible abdominal pain and have to rush to the bathroom 3-5 times a day. And it gets better after like 4pm ish anyway but i feel like that might be bc i’ve not really been eating breakfast or lunch most days and by that point there’s just literally nothing left in my system to come out, and then i eat a small but otherwise normal dinner, maybe a snack, and then it starts all over again the next day. I just don’t know what’s going on, and that’s why i went to see a specialist, but i feel like some of the things we might have to do are going to cause more distress than just having horrible gi issues forever. And i can’t exactly say “i’m not going to do that even if it might fix the problem bc i’m a whiny pathetic baby” and i’m DEFINITELY not going to say anything about the sh stuff, i’m just hoping he finds something between the lab work and the diet stuff and we don’t have to do the colonoscopy. But honestly if i end up being lactose intolerant i’m not going to stop eating dairy, we’ll just have to find a way to mitigate symptoms bc that would be cutting out one of the main things i do eat and that seems like a worse plan than avoiding it. If it’s soy or gluten or whatever i can deal, plenty of people have celiac or soy intolerances or any number of other things, but if this is lactose i’m not gonna be able to just do alternatives and give it up. I’m just not. And if none of this is the problem and the colonoscopy doesn’t give us answers either then i have no clue what to do. Obviously that’s why i saw him, bc he’s the one who has to figure it out, but i’m stressed. And meanwhile i basically just have to not be on any antidepressants bc they keep making it worse. Hopefully if we can figure out what’s causing the problem we can do something to either fix or manage it, and eventually i can go back on some kind of antidepressants bc i really shouldn’t be completely unmedicated, i’m such an asshole and i keep having meltdowns and making everyone around me miserable. Which also side note, i used to think i never had meltdowns growing up but i definitely did i just didnt know that’s what they were, i thought sometimes i just cried hysterically for hours and could barely function afterwords and it was just part of life, but now i know what it is and jesus it fucking sucks, i hate it so much. The one on sunday was even worse than usual i basically destroyed my room and hit my head on the floor and my bedframe a bunch and made my parents even more upset than usual, it was awful and i hate it so much. I guess part of the reason i thought i didnt have meltdowns is bc for a few years the meds i was on made me so numb i literally couldnt have anything close to that and was basically a zombie but before that i used to just collapse and cry and cry and cry and barely be able to talk or do anything for a day or so after and i guess that’s what my meltdowns are.

Idk all of this just kinda sucks really bad and i there’s almost nothing i can do about it other than see if it’s a diet issue or something else and hope i wont have to do a colonoscopy and hope we find some kind of solution bc i cant keep living like this.

[straykats]

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