#smth clicked I have no clue why it didn’t befor but

[swedenis-h]

You look perfect, you look different.

( @keylimeart )

[another-stark-sub]

“Are you in love with him?” - Tony Stark Imagine

Notes: I wrote and editted this in two hours instead of going over my notes. Was gonna be spicy fluffy but it just turned into fluffy, and one of the lines/paragraphs (smth like that i dont remember how long that segment was) is based on/inspired by a fanfic on ao3 I bookmarked. I think it’s debt-free, but I could be wrong.  Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and I’m so sorry im not on here more oftennnnn

- - -

“Of course I am. He’s Tony Stark.” You sighed, a weight finally lifted off your chest. “Who isn’t in love with him?”

Bruce blinked a few times, the confusion evident on his face. “Then, why don’t you tell him?”

You scoffed. These geniuses think they know everything, but they couldn’t see what was glaringly obvious to you. “He’s Tony Stark.”

The perplexed expression didn’t disappear from your friend’s expression. So, you explained further, “It’s already a privilege, beyond that really, to be talking to you, to any Avenger. To work with any of you is an honor, and to be friends with you” -you laughed- “it shouldn’t even be possible for someone like me.”

“Don’t say that. You’re amazing, too.” 

You tried to find any tick, any clue that he was lying. But Bruce seemed to really believe this. “I know I’m amazing.” You shrugged. “I’m great. I love and I care deeply, and I have a stable job. I have a place for myself, and I take care of myself.” You clicked your tongue. “However, you all, all  you Avengers… Forget out of my league, more like off planet.

“And Tony? He said it himself. Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist. Add superhero, figurehead, public figure, ex-CEO, and savior of the universe. Bruce, I have confidence in myself, but Tony is something else entirely. No one is worthy of him or his affections unless they’re a god or another Avenger.”

It was hard to keep up with the statistical analysis you were trying to run. The literal one on your hologram and the one keeping your view of Tony in check. So, defeated, you sighed and leaned back in your chair. 

Bruce closed his own work and stood across the lab bench. “Weirdly enough, I’m sure none of us Avengers think that way.” After a few taps of his pen against his palm, he added, “Aren’t there fans making posts about you, too? Tony showed me the, uh, Instagram videos.”

You laughed. “Fan edits don’t make an Avenger. Saving the world does.”

He shrugged. “You help us save the world.”

“From inside Avengers Tower on a computer.” You took a deep breath. “Look, Bruce, I appreciate what you’re trying to do. But, I’m not telling him.” You shrugged and brought your statistical analysis back up.

You knew your own worth. You were worthy of an amazing partner and person. Tony Stark, though, was easy beyond that. You had accepted it soon after you realized your own feelings, and while they haven’t dwindled, you knew it was for the best. 

~ - ~

Tony had never resorted to this before. It was never a question of his ability to code. In the past, it was because he didn’t need a program or an AI to do it for him. He could always tell if someone was into him. He knew when Pepper was into him. The moment Rhodey gazed at him back in their MIT days. Every single reporter and heiress and model he slept with, he knew when their thoughts turned sexual or romantic. 

You, though. With you, he couldn’t fucking tell, and he knew it was because of his own feelings. Tony felt intensely for people before. Pepper, Rhodey, that one reporter all those years ago. However, with you, it wasn’t just that fluttery feeling in his gut or the immediate smile he can’t seem to stop when he sees you. It was the comfort he felt when he heard your voice or the softness he could feel in his heart when he saw a picture of you. 

It was like his entire life was full of panic, never resting, never stopping. But when you entered his life with a gentle smile and a quick wit, it felt like he could finally breathe. 

It was addicting. 

“Sir, I have the calculations.”

“Hit me.”

“Speech diagnostics of you and of Ms. (Y/l/n) are similar. Whenever you speak of her, 79.4% is positive and 18.8% is neutral. Ms. (Y/l/n) has  78.9% positive and 17.2% neutral dialogue regarding you. When she speaks of you, her heartrate increases by 4.6%, and similarly, yours increases by 4.1%. When speaking to each other, heartrate initially increases by 7%.”

Tony nodded. “How does this compare to other Avengers? I gush about Banner like a teenager.”

“Well, sir, while you and Ms. (Y/l/n) have high positive dialogue about other Avengers, all of them have at least a 10% decrease compared to each other. And heartrate varies depending on the topic of conversation.”

Tony snapped his fingers. “Am I excluding all non-super friends? Include any agents, co-workers. Pep isn’t an Avenger after all.”

Friday took two seconds and responded. “You and Ms. (Y/l/n) have a significant difference in speech diagnostics when talking about or to each other compared to any other Avenger, co-worker, and friend.”

When Tony remained quiet, Friday added, “Do you want me to repeat the results?”

“You don’t need to, Friday.”

“But you’re not doing anything with the new information. Would you like me to save these findings?”

“Friday,” Tony warned. 

There was silence as the love-wrecked scientist pressed his fist between his brows. Data and cold hard facts said yes, but was it right?

“Sir?”

“Yes, Fri?”

“Would you like me to play examples for you?”

He blinked. “Examples?”

“Yes. Of you and her talking about each other positively.”

It was an invasion of privacy. Tony shouldn’t. 

“Play examples.”

Before his rational mind could tell Friday no. 

“Are you in love with him?”

Tony’s eyes widened. This was too private. It might not even be about him.”Friday-”

“Of course I am.”

“-stop playback.”

“He’s Tony Sta-”

“Playback stopped.”

Tony scrambled. “What? No, wait, go back. Play it.” Screw rational. You knew he was a narcissist. You wouldn’t expect him to hear that and stop. 

“He’s Tony Stark. Who isn’t in love with him?”

“Then, why don’t you tell him?”

“... He’s Tony Stark.”

Tony started to fiddle with something on his desk. “What does that mean?”

Friday answered, “Dr. Banner asked her if she loved you, and she said yes. This means that she’s in love with you.”

Why did he program Friday like this? “I know that. I mean, those two lines. Why does me being Tony Stark stop her from saying something?” Was it the attention? Did you want some sort of normal life away from cameras and international gossip? Maybe it was the Avenging. Having a partner who was always out risking death wasn’t ideal. 

Sure, you could be in love with him. But you couldn’t be with him. 

“Maybe you should ask her.”

There were celebrities who were able to live normal lives. Some paid to have prosthetics for going outside of moved to a remote country to get out of the spotlight. He thrived off attention, but he could give that up. Avenging, he couldn’t give that up, but maybe he could cut back. Take a mission a month instead of one a week. Or maybe take more digital missions. He wasn’t just Iron Man after all. He was a genius, could hack into the Pentagon if he really wanted to. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Maybe I could talk to her.”

~ - ~

The moment you put your bag down on your lab table, Tony said, “You’re gonna be mad.”

You narrowed your brows. “What did you do?” You pressed your palm to your chest. “Oh my god, Peter overwrote my data, didn’t he? Ugh, I know he said he’s great at managing holograms, but really, Tone, you should’ve given him a tutorial before giving him access.” You brought up your holograms to check your data and analysis. 

“That’s not it.” Tony stood next to you as you looked through your files. “I did something that invaded your privacy.”

You tilted your head. Closing the holograms, you took a deep breath and slowly asked, “How?”

Tony flashed an embarrassed grin before sighing. “You’re gonna be shocked, too, so prepare yourself.”

You did not know where this was going at all. What horrible thing could Tony have done? Steeling yourself, you took a deep breath and nodded at him to continue. 

Tony cleared his throat. “Usually, I can tell when someone has feelings for me. People are obvious about it, but you? You aren’t. So, I had Friday do some analysis on our speech patterns. Me, being in love with you, was one of my controls. You and your dialogue regarding me was the main variable. 

“Long story short, I accessed some audio of you and Bruce talking, and you said that you loved me but could never tell me.” He glanced at you. “So that’s why I need to apologize.” 

Your expression didn’t change. No, that wasn’t it. You, at first, looked confused. Now, there was just nothing. No expression. No wrinkled brow in anger of flushed cheeks in embarrassment. Nothing. 

Tony blinked. “You can shout at me now. If you were confused about when to shout at me.”

You licked your lips before taking a deep breath. “Ok, that was a lot.” You pursed your lips then opened it. But, you couldn’t really think of anything to say. You didn’t even know how to feel. “So you know that I” -you pointed at yourself and then at him- “and that I didn’t wanna tell you.” You shook your head. “Wait, do you know why I didn’t want to tell you?”

A broken scoff left Tony’s lips. “Yeah. I’m a mess.”

It was your turn to scoff. “Wait, you’re a mess? That’s why you think I don’t want to tell you?”

“Among other reasons?”

Other reasons? 

You crossed your arms. “Ok, what other reasons?”

Tony looked offended. Still, he listed, “I’m surrounded by cameras, and everyone wants some privacy. Can’t get it if you’re with me. Then, there’s the Iron Man of it all. I went into a wormhole with a nuke. That was also all over the news. Then, there’s the whole daddy issues thing. I’m working on it, but it takes a while-”

He rambled on and on, listing reason after reason, and with each one, you felt tears well up in your eyes. It was a weird mix of heartbreaking, confusing, and enraging. The emotions built up slowly with each word that left his mouth, overwhelming you to the point that you couldn’t even say how it happened. 

But, as Tony paced and talked so horribly about himself, you somehow ended up in front of him with your hands on his cheeks. 

You only realized it when Tony stopped talking and when his breath touched your lips. “What?” he asked. 

You didn’t answer. You kissed him instead. 

It was a hard press of  your lips against his. It was short, and it wasn’t much. 

But by the way Tony gripped the back of your neck and pulled you back for another kiss, you’d think it was his first kiss. You knew it wasn’t. Not just because you knew he had kissed all sorts of people before you, but because he somehow knew how to make you gasp and melt into him. 

While one hand kept you steady, the other trailed down your back and pulled you closer to him. His lips moved fluidly against yours, pushing and pulling, and everytime he moved back, you chased his lips to continue the kiss, because the softness, the passion, the fact it was finally happening, was all too good. You didn’t want it to stop.

Your hands started to move. For someone so rich, his t-shirt was rough when you twisted it between your fingers and pulled it to you. Slowly, you trailed your fingers along the side of his neck. You rubbed your thumb along his pulse point, a reminder that this was indeed real. You were kissing Tony Stark, and- He was pulling away again.

Desperate, you leaned forward, reached around to hold onto his shoulder, and kissed the side of his neck. 

He let out a breathy laugh, and before you could suck on his skin, his stubble scratched your cheek. 

You looked up at him and giggled when his nose bumped into yours. When your giggles turned into a smile, he kissed you again, a soft and short kiss, before leaning his forehead against yours. 

His thumbs rubbed circles into your waist as you lightly scratched the back of his neck. He didn’t say anything. In fact, he seemed busy gazing at you.

“Speechless, Stark?” you teased. 

He laughed. For a few seconds, he just gazed at you, seeming to prove your point. Tony’s hand began to wander, from stroking your cheek to pushing back your hair. “More confused.”

Remembering why you interrupted him, you brought your hands to his cheeks again and held him there so he couldn’t look away from you. “You are amazing, Tony. That’s the reason I didn’t want to tell you.” You shrugged. “You’re too good for me.”

His fidgeting stopped. “Well, that’s not true.”

“Tony, you’re an Avenger.”

“Technically, you are also an Avenger.”

“You’re a genius.”

“Who can’t cook scrambled eggs.”

“You literally saved the universe.”

“After producing weapons of mass destruction for decades.”

You glared at him. 

He glared back. Then, he fought back. “I don’t plan on retiring.”

“Wouldn’t want you to.”

“I have severe PTSD, anxiety, maybe ADHD, all mixed with trauma galore.”

“And I will learn to help you.”

“I couldn’t give you a normal life.”

“I’d rather have you anyway.”

He opened his mouth, but you instead told him, “I’d rather have you than anything. As long as, well, for as long as  you’ll have me.”

He raised his eyebrow. “You sure about that?”

“Positive.”

Tony shook his head with a smile. “Cause, I’d rather have you for, well, how does til you get tired of me sound?”

You laughed. “Won’t happen. But, sure.” You kissed him again.You would’ve kept going, but there was something to settle first.  “By the way, Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Is Friday recording right now?”

“Friday records everything. It’s in the contract.”

Friday added, “I record everything that happens in the tower.”

“Ok.” You could work with that. “I’ll forgive you for the invasion of privacy.”

Tony beamed, and you couldn’t help your own smile when he did. Still, you continued, “On one condition.” Your own smile turned devious. “I want evidence that Star Spangled Banner took my ice cream.”

Tony burst out laughing. He kissed you again, a deep kiss, and when he was done, he mumbled, “God, I love you,” against your lips.

[amazingphilza]

snapchat :: c!tommy x reader

fluff / angst , platonic , gender neutral ! first request whoop whoop :D [check pinned for more info on requests]

synopsis: ‘what’s so bad about adding every person on snapchat?’ tommy thought. unknowingly, with all the other people he begins talking to during exile, one ends up being you; tubbo’s younger sibling. that is until you both visit tommy in logstedshire.

cw: i purposely misspell a few words for the texting part, i hope it’s still readable for y’all! and i haven’t actually used snapchat in years so let’s pretend i know what i’m doing :)

tommy smiled at his brand new phone

first thing he does? install snapchat and reddit

if he couldn’t talk to his best friends face to face anymore, at least he had people online to talk to, right?

tommy hoped from all his possessions dream would destroy, he could at least keep a phone

without much thought, tommy opened snapchat and began adding every account and messaging them the same obnoxious message

BE MY FRIEND . MESSAGE BACK NOW.

most people chose ignore tommy, not having a clue why he was messaging them

but as for you, when you had the notification that someone added you on snapchat and started aggressively messaging you, it made you curious

you read their user

“wife haver”?? huh???

instead of immediately blocking the person, you replied back

what?

not even less than a second later you get a reply back

OH MY GOD FINALLY SOMEONE

IM DYING

without context, you were more than confused

genuinely dying is very alarming but you shouldn’t text a random stranger your last words

huh?

THE GREEN BASTARD TOOK EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME

YOURE ALL I HAVE LEFT

plwase helo

Help

where did tou go

Ohm hgod

hHello?

NOOOO NOT YOU TOO

PLEASR

you laughed at the person’s desperation and ignored the messages

if the stranger wasn’t going introduce themselves, you wouldn’t either

however, after a while you realized you had over 100 snapchat notifications within an hour of trying to ignore the person

however it was just jumbled up words and useless spam, nothing important

as if the stranger would said anything important to your concern anyway

do you ever shut up??

fuck you

a normal person wouldve taken offense by these messages but you found them quite amusing

it wasn’t like you had anything else better to do

and this acceptance was the start of your odd friendship with the stranger

you were still on edge because you had no idea who they were and their intentions but the anonymity was mutual nonetheless

if the desperate spamming “wife haver” isn’t going to formally tell you who they actually were, you weren’t going to risk exposing yourself first

but in the past few weeks, you and the person had normal conversations apart from the first day they messaged you

well as normal as you could’ve expected from someone named “wife haver”

they were the first to send an actual snap as well

that was when you found out the “wife haver” was an obnoxious boy that looked around your age, maybe a slightly older

he had sent you a photo of him holding a thumbs up and trying to smile when he was clearly upset

just got all my stuff exploded again, feeling good

you noticed his messy blonde hair and tattered clothes

what the hell happened to this guy?

part of you was confused, and the other was concerned

u good bro??

well

i don’t have anymore tools and materials if that’s anything

so no

this is shit

lmao it was probably deserved

FUCK YOU!!!!!

im kidding that’s sad

but like do u actually need stuff?

you contemplated sending your next message and thought of the consequences

but in the end, you were probably better off than him so if he did try to do something suspicious, you could easily just leave with your trident or defend yourself

i can bring some things over if you’d like

please oh my god it’s so boring here

where the hell do you even live???

it finally hit that you would be visiting this mysterious person

you never really had much to do during the day and he had nothing against your enchanted netherite armor when compared to his worn-out clothes

you were surprised that he was quick to be comfortable with you visiting him so continued to message the boy

if you live nearby i can just stop over and bring some spare diamond tools and armor if you’d like or smth

DIAMOND !,?’/:@!?:/-',(

ya sure lol

WTF

GOOD SHIT LAD! THANKS

WHEN DO U WANT TO VISIT???

his shock and excitement made you smile

maybe this wasn’t a bad idea

before replying, you quickly ran to your storage room you gather your spare items

instead of normally texting, you decided to take a picture of all the enchanted tools and armor and send back a snap

i’m down for tomorrow, turn on your snapmaps so i can come by ;D

he quickly replied back with handfuls of ‘holy shits’ and ‘YEAHS’

you couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear which caught the attention of your older brother who had just walked in to get blocks from the wall of chests

“ew why are you smiling at your phone like that?”

“oh shut up, tubbo”

“it’s weird”

you roll your eyes at him in a playful matter

“whatever! i’m gonna be out tomorrow to visit a friend, okay?”

“you have friends? wow, sounds like a first”

“you’re such a dick!!” you yell at him whilst trying to hold in your laughter

“oh yeah? go on, tell me about this friend of yours then. meeting strangers online, hm?”

“if you’re so concerned, you can come with if you’re not busy with whatever a president does. i promise they’re not some weirdo like you”

tubbo’s tone was sarcastic but he agreed then left you to your own thoughts

you were excited for tomorrow that you were restless in your bed when nighttime had came

somehow you managed to fall asleep from tiredness in the middle of the night

soon enough it was morning

before doing anything, you checked your phone and went through all your notifications

you then checked snapchat, browsing snapmaps and realized how far you had to travel

despite the long travel, you brought yourself up from your bed and gathered all the items you were going to bring

you stuffed a full set of enchanted diamond armor, tools, and over a stack of golden carrots all in your inventory

after finishing all your preparations, you searched for your older brother

with just a loud yell of his name he appeared almost instantly

“you ready to go, tubbo?”

“yep! you know where you’re going right?”

you scoffed at the question

“of course!”

and with that, the two of you traveled on foot until you reached the ocean

you had brought 2 boats with you knowing that you couldn’t imagine being in the same boat as your brother; it would’ve ended up in endless bickering

after a while of being at sea, tubbo started to become impatient

“what the hell! how far does this person live, y/n??”

“i dunno!”

you knew the general direction you were supposed to be going to after studying your snapmaps all morning but you couldn’t check how much farther it would take to get there; there was obviously no signal in the middle of the ocean

it felt like forever before you saw land in the horizon

suddenly you regained all the energy you have lost from rowing

“there!! that place with the white tent, i can barely see it”

“finally”

with the burst of energy, you got to land in no time

the moment you got off your boat, the blonde spotted the two of you and ran in your direction

once appearing nearly feet apart, he stared at your brother who also had the shocked expression

“TOMMY?”

“TUBBO?”

your brother had more of a confused expression whilst the other boy seemed a bit mad

maybe he was always mad considering the endless conversations you had with him ranting about some ‘green bastard’

but tubbo quickly got defensive, stepping in front of you

you didn’t understand how they knew each other beforehand, but at the same time you never caught up with tubbo’s friends either

you needed answers

“what’s going on?”

“y/n! you were messaging tommy this whole time? why didn’t you tell me?”

tubbo was clearly frustrated and a feeling of guilt washed over you

it didn’t click that you never exchanged names and admitting it did not seem believable

tubbo was in complete shock, trying to process everything that was happening

“WHAT?! AND HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TALKING?”

you mumbled out your words

“a few weeks, i can’t remember”

“uh, yeah sorry” tommy had confirmed your statements. “i didn’t even know you had a sibling, tubbo! i actually didn’t know their name until now as well..”

“HUH??”

“but if i knew i was messaging a tub-ling, i wouldn’t have in the first place!”

“what the fuck tommy!!!”

“no, but how do you even know each other?” you had interrupt the two

tubbo had chosen his words carefully

“we’re... friends”

tommy had seemed upset at this

“tubbo....”

“no, don’t talk to me, tommy. you were exiled for a reason. y/n? give him the stuff you wanted to him and let’s go, this was a waste of time”

you were saddened but obliged, you didn’t want to anger your brother even more

“fuck you, tubbo! can’t believe this was how you visit me for the first time, i don’t even want your pity shit”

before you could react, tubbo led you to the back of his boat

he got in the front and quickly rowed away from the land you barely stayed on, leaving your boat behind on the shores

you looked back at tommy who already had left back to his tent

the boat ride was silent and full of sorrow until you arrived back at l’manburg

once you got home you immediately opened snapchat to message tommy

hey tommy i’m really sorry about today. i had no idea,,,

you thought he would’ve ignored your message but instead replied right after

but your heart sank at reading the message

it’s fine

i think it’s best we stop talking y/n

you didn’t want to lose a friend so quickly but after all the tension from today, you didn’t know how to come back from it

so instead of arguing you agreed, even if it wasn’t honest

yeah, me too

and that was the last message you sent to tommy

even though the whole situation was confusing from the start, it didn’t mean you didn’t enjoy the random conversations you had

the bizarre encounter was unforgettable

it made you even sadder when you realized the first time you two used each other’s names through text would also be the last

a/n: ngl, i didn’t think i would finish this on a kinda angsty ending but here we are! and grrr it’s 4am and i just wanted to finish this,, let’s hope there aren’t that many grammar mistakes LMAO anyway i hope y’all enjoyed <3

[ayzrules]

✶ 𝐇𝐗𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒: 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 & 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 & 𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍   Long story short, I have been thinking about this for wayyyyy too long now and wanted to get some ~thoughts~ & analysis written down! This post is going to be...fairly long, lol. Apologies in advance :D

  Also, if you can’t see the last gif (the one for ‘holy’), click here. Tumblr keeps fucking up the image when i try to upload it :////

  This post is probably going to be about 2/3 yorknew & phantom troupe/kurapika focused, 1/3 chimera ants, maybe with some references to other arcs (including manga-only arcs) mixed in. so, ofc, tons of spoilers ahead! also, i realize that my blog theme is hard to read (and i’m p sure clicking ‘keep reading’ sends you to the og post itself), so i’m linking the post w/ full text copy/pasted in on my art backup side blog (which has a more legible font) here. 

✶ 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇   I’m sure absolutely nobody is surprised with me starting here - there is just. SO. MUCH. DEATH. in hxh. & right from the start, one thing I noticed that togashi really emphasized was the #4 and its connection to death. in japanese, chinese, and im p sure some other asian cultures the number 4 is pronounced like the word for death so it’s associated with death in general, and boy oh boy does the ‘deadly number 4′ thing show up E V E R Y W H E R E. we get to the hunter exam, and hisoka is applicant #44. kurapika is #404. i didn’t notice it at first, but this was so intentional holy shit. togashi is NOT SUBTLE.

  So pika & hisoka are, right off the bat, associated with death. okay. and then there are even more clues to drive the point home: hisoka is member #4 in the phantom troupe, kurapika’s birthday is april 4th (aka 4/4). 100% not a coincidence (!!). with hisoka, it’s pretty obvious why togashi’s throwing all this death 444444 stuff around - dude is a psycho murder pedo clown, literally gets off on killing people (and there’s also the fact that judas sits 4th from the left in the last supper painting, and he’s sort of the judas equivalent for the phantom troupe). with kurapika, though, it’s a bit more subtle and woven deeper into his characterization, which i LOVE. togashi puts the mans in blue & gold & white (traditionally ‘pure’ or ‘heavenly’ colors), makes him so fucking kind & so good-hearted.....when he’s not relentlessly pursuing his revenge, ofc. more on this in the next section, but pika = death. togashi has made that v v v clear.

  Backtracking a bit to hisoka, though, I also just wanted to point out the 4 is death symbolism in the fortunes too (GOD i love the fortunes): in one translation, he’s the false fourth moon, and in the og japanese (i think), he’s the false hare (4th in the lunar zodiac or w/e it’s called. i don’t know the japanese cultural influences here, but in the chinese legend that established the zodiac animals, they race across the heavenly river & the top 12 animals got zodiac slots. the hare finished 4th, so it’s #4 in the cycle). 

  And just as a final note, Tserriednich is the fourth prince of the kakin empire, and also another dude who has a hard-on for murder & other gory shit. again: togashi is not subtle with this, lmfao

✶ 𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘, 𝐔𝐍𝐇𝐎𝐋𝐘   As probably everyone who’s gotten to yorknew knows, togashi is so 0 fucks given when he wants to be. I mean there’s the whole thing where he just. took New York and decided, Yorknew. LMFAO, but also, he made the main antag of that arc be named chrollo lucilfer, sit around in a ruined church, have a reversed cross coat, pale & dark-haired/dark-eyed, generally dressed in dark colors, very terrible murder guy. liiiike......chrollo x devil symbolism game is 1000/10 at this point lmaooo

  And i know absolutely nothing about christianity in general, but pt/kurapika & yorknew arc is just so full of christian imagery/symbolism! one thing that i L O O O O O O V E though is how togashi really blurs the traditional christian-coded good/evil, holy/damned boundaries.

  Back to kurapika: he wears gold and blue, his coloring is very stereotypically ‘angelic’, he’s precious and good and kind. his chains are all about ~judgment~ and ~healing~ - some of the chains are also in literal cross shapes, aren’t they? And the chain dagger in his own heart...the imagery is very startlingly similar to the immaculate heart of mary, where the swords stabbing thru the heart apparently represent seven sorrows. IDK much about this stuff other than the visual similarities; literally had to google ‘daggers through heart christianity?’ to even get the name of that thing LOL. anyway, at first, it seems like togashi establishes him as the ‘angel’, the ‘good’, the ‘holy’ in the angel/devil, good/evil, holy/damned dichotomy between him and chrollo.

  But that’s not the end of the story. his entire storyline is driven by a huuuuuuuge giant desire for vengeance, first of all, and then there’s the scarlet eyes, which canonically are seen as demonic/cursed/what have you (according to one of the movies or smth? where they show pika as a 10 y/o?), and then we also have red eyes in modern culture being associated w pretty much the same thing (vampires, anyone?). the fight scene with uvo has everything in b&w besides the blood on his face & his red eyes & the moon (<<< more fortune foreshadowing & symbolism, i love to see it), and there are tonssss of scenes where he has to suppress his rage. so all of that is obviously not very angelic of him i would say LOL. in fact, what i find super interesting is that the scarlet/red eyes (which are ‘demonic’) is actually the driving factor behind his super powerful nen abilities; this ties in so well with the fortunes & death associations imo! the fortunes call him the ‘death-bringer’ in one translation, or ‘half-angel, half-death’, so that’s one side of pika = red eyes = death, but there’s also the fact that emperor time is literally draining his life force. so pika = death for both himself and others namely the pt, question mark?

  Now for chrollo: togashi’s devil symbolism is EXTREMELY overt with him, but i love the subtler jesus references too. the church thing, obviously, and the st. peters cross which is cuz st peter respected jesus too much & didn’t think he was worthy to die in the same way as him (or something like that, i am the most atheist person in the world & hxh is literally my entire christian education pls) but is also used as an anti-christianity symbol these days. bandit’s secret looks like a bible, lbr, and mans has a cross tattoo.

  Other things beyond visuals - 12 spiders, 12 apostles; hisoka’s betrayal, where member #4 can be thought to correspond to judas sitting 4th from left at last supper. and this miiiiight be a bit of a stretch, but i think the meteor city being the place of origin may also play into the blurred line between angel/devil and holy/damned here; meteors are defined as space rocks that are in earth’s atmosphere, becoming incandescent in the process. meteorites are for the kinds that actually reach the ground. and idk, lucifer was cast out of heaven / sky too right? so i think there might be some subtle fallen angel imagery/symbolism playing into the pt as well

✶ 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 (𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒)   Last section yay! i don’t have as much to say about this, besides when i was making chimera ant arc edits & realized that there might have been some subtle gon/meruem parallels???

  So obviously, everyone knows that line killua says to gon - “you are light” - and then i was just remembering that meruem’s name means.... “light that illuminates all” (!!!!). maybe it’s a coincidence, but knowing togashi, i’m leaning towards nahhhh. there HAS TO be some kinda meaning there (!!).

  Going back to the events of the chimera ant arc....ooh boy. let’s see: gon is optimistic & hopeful even in the face of kite potentially being dead, killua says he’s light, they find kite & dude is fucked up, gon is pissed. gets all angry & ~dark~, especially during the palace invasion when he’s staring pitou down as she fixes up komugi. then the actual fight against pitou: more darkness, more anger, but through it all there’s still light, namely his jajanken being very orange & fiery lookin.....and that final sequence, where he puts all his possible nen he’d ever have into his ~final form~ or wahtever & turns into a male version of true form!bisky but dressed in a crop top & short-shorts (i am SCARRED, btw. s c a r r e d !). there’s just huuuge flashes of light as that’s going on, and it reminded me of supernovas or dying stars when i was thinking about it, where the star is like, collapsing under its own weight? & burning thru its own fuel, until there’s nothing left except a dwarf or black hole or what have you. one final, extremely deadly burst of light & energy before death.

  On the meruem side of things: born into a dark cave, exhibits a traditionally evil/cruel/wicked/whatever personality/traits so that has ppl associating him with darkness. then he gets to know komugi, starts to appreciate other aspects of humanity, seems like he could have actually turned into a decent person who doesn’t want to eat everyone - so that’s a ‘path to light’, maybe? - and then the extermination team yeets themselves into the palace, netero takes him out to bumfuck nowhere, they fight. netero’s fighting is just ALL light, from his giant ass golden 100-type guanyin bodhisattva to the poor man’s rose. again, there’s the sense of finality to it all, in a similar vein to dying stars: netero comes in determined to kill meruem no matter what, and we all know netero doesn’t flake. then we see netero get destroyed after the zero hand, and he triggers the rose, and everything is burning & on fire before the flames are put out and all turns dark again.

  But wait!!! pouf & youpi revive meruem and all he does is play gungi with komugi, even with the poison of the rose. he eventually dies, and the gungi pieces in that final shot of them together (i am BAWLING just thinking about it holy shit) has one that’s all white, one that’s a black ring and white inside. i assume all white is for komugi, who has never done ANYTHING wrong in her LIFE, so i like to think that the 2nd one is for meruem - born “into darkness”, literally & figuratively, but he turns something like ‘good’ by the end. it’s interesting how togashi has sort of gone for a bit of a subversion here: the hero going from light to darkness, and the main antag from darkness to light.

✶ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍   AahhhhHHHHHhhh so if you read all the way down here through my LONG rambles, tysm! i would LOVE LOVE LOVE to hear what other people think about all this, and i’ve FOR SURE missed tons and tons of stuff - chimera ants is just. SO MUCH. and i don’t know it as well as yorknew eeek.

  I’m not sure if i’m really ~knowledgeable~ in any other areas relating to hxh, so this might be the only one of these that i do, but i definitely think about some of this - esp all the religious symbolism & #4 stuff - a ton! so in the meantime, if it’s of any interest, i’m just going to shamelessly plug my hxh x religious beliefs/superstitions edit series :D lots of love to all!!!

[deeisace]

Okay so

I think I’ve made a post about this before

Or at least I’ve thought about doing that

Anyway so

My uhhhh 4th?-great grandfather (Geoff, Robert, James, Robert, yep) Robert Fergus was a bit of a mystery - he said he was born in 1840 in Kirkintilloch to John Fergus, right, but no such guy exists as I can find

So I widened the search parameters a bunch, actually checked the census records as well as the baptism records - found a Robert Fergus born in Kirkintilloch in 1839, but this time to a James Fergus

Now, following Robert, James was a bit of a family name - his son and two of his grandsons were James, too - if this James went by some nickname (not at all uncommon), or his middle name was John (I don’t know, but I do know an American grandson was called J J, so it might’ve been so), that’s where a mistake might’ve been made, I spose

Also further clues, this Robert-son-of-James had a sister Isabella, where my Robert had a daughter who was recorded as Isabella as a child, and Arabella as an adult (I don’t know if she changed her name on moving to America or before then, but she went to her maternal aunt in Oak Park Illinois, along with two of her Scarth cousins), and also a granddaughter Isabella too

Family names tend to follow, and the dates and places tally well enough, so I’m pretty sure that these two Roberts are the same person

So James, Robert’s father, was a coal merchant in Greenock West - as such I do have a couple adverts he placed in the local paper - notices of moving premises and a list of coal prices by weight, and also one time some guy stole seven of his shirts (like off a washing line?? I have no idea) so he took him to court for the theft

And I’ve had a bit of a clickabout anyway, and this morning I’ve found a listing that says that Robert Fergus son of James Fergus coal merchant was admitted to the Greenock Poorhouse in 1859 on mental health grounds

I’ve no idea what that might mean, but I’ve ordered the record to read (hopefully by next month it’ll arrive)

It does explain why he’s nowhere to be found on the 1861 censuses, tho

He only turns up again as a dock labourer in Liverpool in 1871 

....

Oh god what’s going on

Hang on a fuckin minute

James Linklater Fergus, who is definitely my 3rd-great grandfather, cs the names follow

He’s the one who died by stepping on a nail on a ship in Egypt in 1898

Him, right. There’s a baptism record - for him, name correct, parents’ names correct, date correct enough - and it says “father’s occupation - solicitor”

Which. Which is not right. The guy was a docker, says so on every following record (cotton porter, dock labourer, day labourer, etc)

Did. Did they just want to sound fancy for the church? Did he have money problems or smth in the next two years, for him then to be listed a docker?

Okay okay. Right. So. 

Emma Baikie Fergus was born in London, in 1864, we know that, though nothing else. Then James, born in Liverpool to Maria and Robert-the-solicitor, Hornby Street, 1868. Then Robert, born in Liverpool to Maria and Robert-the-hawker, Hornby Street, 1869. Then we have the 1871 census, where he is a dock labourer. Then Lilly May Johnston Fergus, to Maria and Robert in 1874 (and isn’t that something, that she has her aunt’s married name for a middle name - was Maria about with her sister’s husband, or is there another reason?) - she died before the next census, age 3, and I’ll have to take a trip up Anfield Cemetery again, see if I can’t find her (she’s in with someone else, the record says, but then, so’s my sister, and she’s got a name on a stone, so - idk if they will’ve done the same 145 years ago as they did 25, tho, she mightn’t have a stone, or one surviving - her/our grandfather John’s is broken, anyway, so I haven’t read it). Then apparently this is when Maria Scarth and Robert Fergus marry, though it was definitely those two on the 1871 census and I can’t imagine John Scarth (Maria’s dad the cathedral choir master) would’ve been happy had he known they were what’s the phrase ‘living in sin’. Then we have Arabella/Isabella Margaret Fergus, born to Robert and Maria in 1877 - and in 1881, he’s listed as a labourer.

Ah. Ah fucking ha, right

Solicitor is another word for “someone who sells”

There, it’s all fine, it matches, that’s what hawker means too

But a new mystery with Lilly May there, tho. And I’d forgotten that Maria and Robert didn’t marry until far later than they ought’ve done. 

I don’t know about Emma, exactly. But the next baptism record on from James in 1868 is for an Emma Baikie born to Maria and John Baikie, a captain (presumably of a ship) also living on Hornby Street. Is this more evidence of Maria Scarth being unfaithful (along with little Lil’s middle name)? Cs it’s only her who shows up when I click on Maria Baikie - Maria Scarth and Maria Fergus. And Captain John Baikie doesn’t appear to exist outside of this one record as I can find, and there certainly isn’t one who married a Maria (though there are a couple of Marys, as there always is)

So was she out-of-wedlock, then, or adopted in some other manner

Or, the records are just lost, that also happens reasonably often and is I spose the simplest explanation in a way.

[sparrellow]

It’s Not a Date (Or Is It?)

“Why would I, of all people, ask the poor girl out on her birthday, of all days,” he said. “That sounds like the worst birthday gift ever.”

rating: T genre: romance, humour pairing: rinlen words:  5,141

Although they had been friends since they were in diapers, when it came to Rin’s birthday, Len always had no clue what to give her.

You see, the girl was difficult. She didn’t really like her birthday—she refused to celebrate it, even. She went so far as to threaten to blackmail him (with childhood photos of him half-naked, suction cups on his nipples; it was better not to ask, for childhood had been a strange time) if he so much as ever planned a surprise party behind her back. 

Whenever he’d try asking about what she’d want for her birthday, she’d scoff and roll her eyes and tell him something stupid like, “A will to live.” Yes, Rin, we all want a will to live, he’d think. But alas I need something a little more obtainable.

And, well, it wasn’t like Len could just not give her a gift—he had to. It was obligatory. While Rin’s blood curdled at the mention of her own birthday, whenever it came to anyone else’s, she would go ham. The previous birthday, she’d knitted Len a sweater. A whole, mcfucking sweater. And you can bet this simp wore it so much the armpits started permanently smelling like the inside of a men’s locker room. 

So he had to give her something back as equally as awesome. It was just an unwritten rule in his book of life. It was Len law.

Despite spending a good portion of the year listening out for any things she could want, this year around was particularly tough. Rin had mentioned, in the off-occasion, wanting several things; a television (he couldn’t afford that even if he wanted to), a boyfriend (well… maybe? Ahem. Just kidding), and a trip to the ISS (h… how).

For obvious reasons, such gifts were unobtainable. Which came to the dilemma he experienced almost every year: what in the ever loving fuck should he give to Rin this year?

It hit one week before her birthday when he started to grow desperate. So desperate, in fact, he consulted two of Rin’s closest female friends—Gumi and Miku, who seemed to be (sometimes, mostly) on the same wavelength as her. 

He didn’t like talking to them. They were painful to engage with. Insufferable. The human embodiment of gremlins. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

“A gift for Rin, huh,” Miku had echoed, when he’d planted himself at their desks one morning. Rin always came late, so, it wasn’t like he’d be caught in the act or anything anyway. 

Len nodded.

Gumi and Miku exchanged looks.

“How about you ask her out,” Miku suggested, a deadpan expression. Gumi, however, couldn’t do much to hide her amusement; bursting into a fit of giggles behind her hand.

He rolled his eyes. “A serious gift, Miku.”

“What?” She looked innocent. “It is serious.”

Gumi continued to snort-laugh off to the side.

“Well, what are you two giving her for her birthday?” he asked, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort arguing.

Miku tossed a pigtail behind one shoulder. “We’re going to have a sleepover, where we will forcibly sing happy birthday to her and make her eat a cake.”

Len frowned. “That sounds… nice. I guess.”

“You can’t steal our idea.” She jabbed a finger at his chest. “Like I said, just ask her out.”

“Why would I, of all people, ask the poor girl out on her birthday, of all days,” he said. “That sounds like the worst birthday gift ever.”

It was their turn to roll their eyes. “Maybe to you, banana brain,” Gumi said. “It’s pathetic that you’ve been friends with her the longest out of us three, and you still don’t know what gift to give her on her birthday. Talk about dumbass energy.” Then they high-fived each other.

Len bristled, his pride taking a hefty blow. “And? At least I’m trying to give her something she wants,” he reasoned, voice squeaking.

“If you used any of that big, big brain in that big, big head of yours, you would know what she wants,” Miku shot back, waggling a finger at his forehead. “Like I said: kissy kissy. Go on a date with me. Let’s get married or something and live happily ever after.”

But he was unconvinced. Rin? Living happily ever after? That girl couldn’t sit through any romance movie for the life of her. 

He decided this conversation was not worth having. He would figure this out on his own.

Maybe. Hopefully. Probably.

.

“A gift for your girlfriend,” Kaito mused aloud, looking distant as he hung over the fence separating him and Len. Kaito was his neighbour; an older, more experienced neighbour (he was a university student and proudly boasted about his experience having dated two girls and one guy).

It was T-minus three days until Rin’s birthday, and Len was still running in circles trying to figure out what to give her. It had come to asking his neighbour. Who, in all the times they’d interacted, always smelt like bong water and cigarettes.

Len winced. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he said—or, well, insisted.

Kaito ignored him. “How about a date,” he suggested. “Like, a really sweet date. You take her somewhere she likes to go and treat her. It doesn’t have to be grand or extravagant, or anything.”

Huh. Huh. The guy had a point. Not the date part, but the taking-her-out-and-paying-for-her part. It didn’t seem too bad of an idea, actually.

All of a sudden, Len had a great idea for what to do on Rin’s birthday. He quickly thanked Kaito for his advice and ran off, annoyed he hadn’t thought of it in the first place, but nevertheless plotting a master plan of where he could take her on her birthday.

First, of course, he had to check whether she was available that day.

Rin r u busy on Sunday, he texted her on LINE.

She replied two minutes later with, I’m at Miku’s in the morning, but I’m free in the afternoon. Why?

Okay, good. He didn’t need to rethink schedules or anything. Do u want to hang out? We could go 2 karaoke or smth.

Sure. What time?

Len paused to think, before responding, How abt one?

Rin’s reply came back almost immediately. Sounds good.

He was relieved. Okay. So. Now he just had to figure out what to do to make the whole thing, well, special. It was her birthday. Sure, going to karaoke was good and fun and all, but they already did that pretty regularly. It was part of the plan, but he needed something more. 

How about a nice restaurant? Or was that too, well, suggestive? Besides, he only had so much of his allowance he could spare. Hmm.

He pulled up the internet browser on his phone and began typing into the search function, Places to go on dat— Wait—delete delete delete. Places to go for birthdays. There we go.

Some articles popped up. He clicked on the first one, scanned the list. Restaurant. Cinema. Musical theatre. Park. Museum. Observation tower.

Observation tower?

Len thought for a moment. He knew he was too broke to take her somewhere exciting like, uh, Skytree or whatever. But then there was the Metropolitan Government Building in Shinjuku. And that was free. And they had a cafe at the top. 

Plus, it was sort of romantic— 

But the point of it was, it was for her birthday. Not a date. And it was something nice and unique, and he could totally imagine them sitting in the cafe watching the sunset over Tokyo's skyline.

So, that was decided. Karaoke. Observation tower. Maybe dinner if Rin was keen on getting something like Gusto because he didn't have the bank account for it. Man, Kaito was sort of a genius, in his own strange, Kaito way.

He reminded himself to buy the guy an ice cream sometime as a thank you gift.

.

Sunday finally came, and Len arranged to meet Rin out front of their usual go-to karaoke box. She was already there waiting when he arrived—which was strange, given the girl's notoriety for being fashionably late in most situations—looking bored and scrolling through her phone. She was dressed sort of cute; a mustard yellow overall dress and white collar shirt underneath, hair tied back by her signature white bow. 

He swept her up into an embrace, which she wriggled out of with a groan. "Happy birthday!"

Her cheeks flushed red and she rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

Len took no offence, steering her into the lobby of Joysound. "How was your sleepover with Gumi and Miku?" he asked.

Rin looked surprised. "You knew about that?"

"Oh. Yeah. I talked to them last week about it."

She blinked. "Huh." She seemed to brush it off as something minor, answering his question with a shrug of her shoulders. "You know. It's Miku and Gumi. We played monopoly before Miku got bored, and then they forced me to play truth or dare."

"Truth or dare, huh." Len had heard multiple horror stories about her previous experiences with the girls playing truth or dare. He grinned, glancing over at her. “So what did you do?”

“Dare, of course,” Rin said. She held up her wrist, showing an elaborate illustration of an erected penis. “What do you think?”

His eyebrows shot up. “That’s creative.”

She snickered. "Yeah. I think they were getting a bit frustrated with me. I kept saying pass on their dares, so the punishment was to drink a whole bottle of ketchup."

Len wondered what possible thing they were trying to get her to do that she would willingly drink ketchup over doing. "Did you?"

"Yeah. And then I threw up all over Miku's carpet, so they called it a night."

The way she said it so nonchalantly caught him off guard as they stepped up to the counter. He fumbled with his wallet, pulling out a membership card and scrambling to fill out the slip of paper the front counter clerk handed to him.

Rin was reading his writing over his shoulder. “Four hours? Really? I thought we would be going for like, eight hours.”

He handed the paper back to the staff and shot her his best, reassuring grin. "I've got other stuff planned after this, you know."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Other stuff?" she echoed. "Better not be a surprise party, or I will post those pictures of you all over—"

"It's not a surprise party. It's just you and I. Jeez."

The staff told him how much they owed, and he dished out the money before Rin could even get to her own purse. 

She frowned. "Hey. Tell me how much it was when we get to the room so I can pay you back."

"No," he said smoothly, pocketing the change and taking the receipt. "Today, it's on me."

Rin opened her mouth to argue as they started off down the corridor towards their allocated room number. "Are you sure? Four hours isn't cheap—"

"It's fine," he insisted. "It's your birthday. Think of it as part of the gift."

She wasn't impressed, but she knew better not to argue.

The room they were given wasn't huge—which was fine, not that they needed the space—so they sat next to each other bumping shoulders on the far side of the room, facing the television. Rin already had the remote in hand within moments of sitting down, queuing a ton of songs they usually defaulted to singing every time they went to karaoke.

When they cleared out what she had queued, she reached for the menu on the table in front of them and started looking through it. “I’m hungry. Can we get something?”

Len was trying to remember how much he had left in his wallet in terms of cash. "Uh. Sure."

She pointed at a picture of a plate of takoyaki. "Want to share some?"

They were only 600 yen. Not too bad. 

He nodded, before noticing a lack of drinks on their table, and the dry, scratchy feeling in his throat. He quickly checked the receipt they were given. "Shoot. I got us the drink bar. Want me to grab you something?"

"Oh." Rin thought for a moment, as if the decision was really tough, although the selection at the drink bar almost never changed. "Just get me some minute maid. The usual."

Right. Orange soda. The usual. As he got up from his seat, she reached over to unhook the phone from the wall.

"I'll order the food," she told him before he left.

Len poured himself a glass of calpis, grabbed Rin's soda. While waiting for the drink machine to finish, he acknowledged that he was feeling sort of nervous. His heart was beating hard against his ribcage, palms clammy. Why though? It wasn't like this was any different from any other karaoke venture him and Rin went on.

Well, besides the plans he had for the evening, but it was because of her birthday. Nothing else. No sinister thoughts here.

When he got back to the room, Rin had already queued another block of songs and was in the middle of singing something. He hadn’t even the chance to queue anything he wanted. 

God, she was such a remote hog, and he thought to tell her off, but reminded himself it was her birthday. Let her be the evil remote hog that she was for the day.

The food came when they were in the middle of a duet. Len almost missed his part of the song, because she hadn’t just ordered takoyaki, but also a plate of fries and a strawberry parfait. His eyes popped out of his head as the employee set down the food on the table.

Rin, he thought. Why are you like this. I love you, but why are you like this.

“Are you going to eat all of that?” he asked when the song finished.

She gave him a look. “No? We’re sharing.”

Len mumbled something along the lines of okay yeah whatever but I didn’t ask for this much food. He reached for a soggy fry, mourning his allowance.

.

Karaoke went by fast. In retrospect, it was probably better to have only spent four hours there, because his throat was raw by the third hour. Rin—the absolute madman—was still going somewhat strong, although her voice was a tad raspy by the end.

After Len paid for the food, they left and headed for the station nearby. On the way there, Rin asked, "So, where to next?"

"Shinjuku." He left it brief.

She screwed up her face. "Shinjuku? Ew. Why are we going there?"

"Because that's where I planned for us to go?" He gave her a hurt look, and she returned it, playful.

Admittedly, Len was a little worried, considering Rin had consumed almost all of the food they were supposed to share (not to forget that she also put another dint in his wallet). He was planning on them having cake or something at the cafe at the top of the north tower, because it was her birthday, but she probably wouldn't even be hungry.

The trains were starting to get a little busy—Sunday afternoon, everyone was going home—so they had to stand a little close together. Rin parked herself in the corner between the seats and the door, and Len right beside her, trying to avoid touching the other people around them but leaving enough space for Jesus between each other.

Normally Len wouldn't find himself so worked up over this situation, but today, his brain was like, stupid teenage boy mode or something because being so close to her was really bothering him. She seemed unaware of that, though, recounting some of the misadventures she'd had with Miku and Gumi the night before.

He listened, but didn't really listen, hyper aware of their hands and arms grazing with every jolt of the train, and eyes betraying him every few minutes by slipping down to her lips. Why, oh why, was he sexualising his best friend like this? On her birthday? Really, Len?

Eventually, they reached their destination station, and headed towards the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building.

Rin tried nagging him again about where they were going.

"You'll see in, like, five minutes," he told her.

She sulked. “Why is it some big secret?” she complained. “I hate secrets.”

“It’s not a secret. I just like seeing you suffer.”

“Len. Choke.”

He grinned as they turned a corner in the underground walkway leading them away from the station, reaching a set of long, long escalators. Rin peered up at the sign above, trying to catch a glimpse of what possible location they were heading to.

"Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building?" she read. "What's so special about that?"

Len feigned nonchalance, tossing a shoulder. "Oh, you know," he said. "There are observation decks at the top of each tower, and I heard it looks really nice at sunset, so I was just thinking of going there with you."

"Huh." Her expression went blank. "That's nice."

It was a short walk amongst the towering buildings of Shinjuku. This part of the city wasn't as busy or touristy; clean and pristine with wide, empty footpaths. A clear, blue sky peeked through the skyscrapers overhead. It was only five or so, so they still had a bit of time before sundown. Luckily, the weather and visibility were good that day, much to his relief.

The wait in line to reach the observation level was long, but admittedly, worth it. Rin seemed happy once they reached the top, running over to the closest window and pulling out her phone to snap pictures of the skyline. She ushered him over, made him squint into the distance to look for the ocean, and they spent a good half hour trying to spot landmarks amongst the sea of buildings below.

After walking the perimeter of the building, they settled down in the seats of the cafe. “Do you want anything?” Len asked.

Rin hummed, eyes skimming over the menu. “I think I’ll just get tea.”

He was a little disappointed she wasn’t interested in any of the sweets on display (the banana cake looked really good, okay), but decided in retrospect, he would’ve been terrified if that girl could fit anymore in after eating takoyaki, fries and almost all of the strawberry parfait.

After he came back with their drinks, they settled into a comfortable silence. Rin was responding to messages on her phone, and he was just happy to watch as her expression shifted with every thought.

Eventually, she set down her phone and stared down at the table between them. “So,” she began, in a tone that meant business.

He sat up in his chair, smiled at her, but it was nervous, because she—all of a sudden—seemed very serious. And serious Rin was not a common occurrence.

Her fingers curled into fists on her thighs, and her gaze flitted everywhere in the room but his face. “Is this, um, a date?”

At first, Len didn’t know how to respond. 

His mouth hung open, before he became aware of his expression, snapping it shut. Then he cleared his throat. “Um.” To be honest, he didn’t know. Was it a date? Well, maybe he lowkey wanted it to be but did Rin want it to be? By the looks of it, she didn’t seem very… impressed by the idea. “It’s, uh… whatever you want it to be, Rin.”

She blinked, eyes falling on him, then dropping back down to her knees. “Oh.”

Was that the right answer? Had he just made her uncomfortable? Had he just ruined her entire birthday?

He was too afraid to ask.

They sat in awkward silence, until the sky outside started to turn various shades of orange, and people began swarming the windows to watch the sunset.

Rin was kind of peering over, as if torn between getting up from the chair or staying seated.

“You want to go look?” Len asked, giving her a smile to try and ease the uncomfortable air between them.

She hesitated, the corners of her lips twitching. “I won’t even be able to see over everyone.”

He, with the intelligence of a mitochondria, said, “Well, I can just hold you up.”

Rin snorted. “Are you sure you can do that?”

He blew a raspberry, faking confidence. “Uh, yeah, sure I can.”

“Okay then, Mr Buff Arms. Prove it to me.”

She got up from her seat with a shit-eating grin, and he scrambled after her, crossing the floor in direction of one of the busiest windows. The reason why the crowds were gathering at that particular spot was not just because of the sunset, but because of the fact that you could see a beautifully clear silhouette of Mt Fuji in the distance.

He hadn’t even realised that; it was hiding behind the clouds before.

Len gestured for her to climb onto his back.

“Are you sure?” Rin looked uncertain, eyeing him like a venomous snake. “I’m like, almost the same weight as you, Len.”

“So?” he bluffed.

She stood there staring, before giving in with the roll of her eyes. “Don’t cry if I break something.”

Then she wrapped her arms around his neck, hiking one leg up his side, and he hooked his arms under her thighs to hoist her up. She was right. She was heavy. But he was willing to be crushed under the weight of her for her to have a nice birthday.

“Hold on to me,” she ordered, arms unlatching from his neck. “I want to take some pictures.”

Len gave a grunt as a reply. It was the best he could do.

After a while (probably like, two minutes or so), he felt like he was going to burst a blood vessel somewhere in his body, so he wheezed out, “Rin. Are you done? I gotta let you down now.”

“Oh, yeah. You can let me down.”

He released his grip on her legs and she dropped back down into standing position behind him. Grabbing his lower back in pain, he turned to her looking like a crippled old man.

Rin laughed in his face. “Feeling sorry for yourself now, huh? I told you.”

He waved his hand, straightening up with a groan. “Yeah, yeah. Did you get any nice pictures?”

“Hmm. Let’s see.” She looked at her phone, then moved in close to show him her screen. “They’re not too bad, besides the dozens of heads in the foreground.”

It was strange, oddly disproportionate, the way Mt Fuji loomed over the busy streets of Tokyo. The sky was a beautiful array of golds and oranges and yellows; a perfect sunset for a perfect birthday.

“They’re nice,” he said. He glanced up from her phone to look at her, becoming aware of their distance, and aware of her ogling up at him. The golden light coming through the windows lit up her face, brought out the highlights of her hair, accentuated the freckles on her cheeks. 

Wow, he thought, his breath getting caught in his throat. He was utterly in love with her.

Much to his surprise, Rin’s face seemed to be moving closer. And so was he, his body unconsciously moving forward, down to her like drawn to a magnet. 

Her eyes fluttered closed, head tilting. 

Their lips were about an inch away from touching when a child right beside them started screaming. Immediately, Len was drawn out of his strange daze, jumping away from Rin. She seemed to do the same thing, putting at least a metre space between them.

Her face was bright red, and she forced her fingers back through her hair with a nervous laugh. “You know, we should get going before everyone else gets the same idea,” she said, acting as if nothing ever happened.

Len blinked, unsure if he’d just imagined what happened thirty seconds prior, or if he was really just about to kiss his best friend in front of thirty or so strangers. He decided not to think about it. “Right. That’s a good idea.”

So they headed for the elevators and made a quick escape before the crowds followed. His head was still spinning as they walked down the footpath back towards the entrance to the underground walkway. The sky was now fading to a deep blue; bare remnants of the day clinging in streaks of orange above their heads.

Rin tugged on his sleeve, pointing a finger at something across the intersection they stood. “Hey. I want to check that out.”

It was a park—Shinjuku Chuo Park, to be exact. He’d seen it on the map when researching where to go with her, didn’t think much of it. There was a waterfall display and some flowerbeds, people lurking about. There were winding paths and a handful of trees lining them, a maze within the middle of the city.

He shrugged his shoulders.

It wasn’t like he was in a hurry or anything. They had time, still, to go for dinner, if Rin was keen on it. She seemed awfully pensive compared to before, though, as they crossed the road and made their way over to the park.

He wondered if he’d said or done something wrong. Or… if what had happened between them with the whole phone-and-faces-getting-close-like-they-were-going-to-kiss-or-something had like, offended her.

They strolled down the winding path of the park in silence. There was a playground, some monuments, and finally, a shrine.

Rin slowed to a stop, staring at the shrine. He halted beside her.

“You want to pray?” Len asked.

She was quiet, before shaking her head. “No. It’s alright.” She glanced up at him, a small smile. “I was thinking, let’s go sit down somewhere.”

He obeyed, and they set off again, finding a lone seat along the footpath nearby. There were still a few people out and about, but it was relatively quiet. It had long turned to night, the cityscape surrounding them lighting up like tetris blocks. 

Their shoulders bumped, and Rin eased herself against him, before bringing her head down to rest on his shoulder.

His heart hummed to life in his chest, but he tried to ignore it.

“This is really nice,” she said, her voice soft. “This was a really nice day, Len.”

After a moment of hesitation, he lowered his cheek against the top of her hair, taking in the familiar scent of her favourite shampoo. A hint of something floral, a hint of something citrus—and a hit of something Rin.

He hummed. “I’m glad.”

Rin was silent for a passing moment, before she spoke again. “Do you know what would make it even better?”

Len’s stomach growled. “Gusto?” he half-joked.

“No.” She pulled her head away to look at him, and the cool night air hit his cheek like a slap to the face. He stared back down at her, captured by her gaze.

It was happening again. The whole moving-in-close thing, that was. Her face was getting bigger, and he could feel her hot breath tickling the tip of his nose. His head ducked down to close the gap between them, catching her wet mouth with his own so suddenly that he pulled away, shocked at the boldness of his actions.

Rin didn’t seem to care, though. Her hand went up to the back of his head and pulled him back down to her lips. It was sloppy, kind of gross, but they didn’t care. It was their first time. It wasn’t supposed to be perfect.

She kept him in place, balling up the fabric of his t-shirt with her fists. He allowed himself to melt into the kiss, hands trailing down to hold her by the waist. He wasn’t expecting the day to really end with them sitting in the middle of a park in Shinjuku making out, but he wasn’t mad by the outcome, either.

When they pulled away to breathe, Rin smiled something nervous, her lips glistening under the glow of the city lights. Her hands unravelled themselves from his shirt. 

“Better,” she said.

Len was stunned silent, just stared at her. He wasn’t sure if what happened had just happened. So he went back in for another kiss; this time a little bit more tender, less wet. 

“So Gumi and Miku were right,” he thought aloud against her mouth.

Rin pulled back a bit to give him this horrified look. “What did they tell you.” It wasn’t even posed as a question. She’d already made the assumption they’d told him something awful.

He chuckled nervously. “Well, uh, I tried asking their opinion what to do for your birthday…”

She raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“They straight up told me to ask you out.”

Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Those bitches.”

His lips curled. “Well, I mean. It helped. Somewhat.”

“Yeah.” She frowned, reaching up to curl a strand of her hair around a finger. “I can’t believe they just—so blatantly did that, though. Even after I begged them not to say anything.”

She begged them? Wow. “I thought they were joking up until five minutes ago, Rin. You know I don’t take anything they say seriously.”

Rin sighed. “Yeah, but—” She paused, thinking, before tossing her shoulders. “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway. I just want to know, Len— is this a date?”

Len pressed his forehead against hers. Gazed into her eyes. They were a dark blue; alluring, always drawing him in, keeping him in orbit around her like a planet to its star. He admitted, “Not my original intention, no, but I think the simp in me was projecting a bit much that it ended up being one anyway.”

She cracked a grin. “Simp, huh,” she said. She lifted a hand to his jaw, trailed her fingers along it until her palm was resting on the back of his head. He wanted to shudder into her touch. “Well, kiss me more. I’m not done making the most of my birthday privileges yet.”

He opened his mouth. “I can kiss you like this every day if you wan—”

She silenced him with her lips, closing the space between them once again.

.

[epilogue]

The following weekend, Len knocked on Kaito’s door with a week’s worth of his favourite lemonade-flavoured popsicles in one hand.

Kaito’s eyebrows shot up into the ceiling upon spotting the bag of goodies. “What’s this?” he asked.

“A thank you gift,” Len said, handing it over.

“Huh.” Kaito took them, a confused expression on his face. “What for?”

“Your idea about the date? It worked. Rin and I are a thing now.”

A lengthy silence followed.

“You mean… you two weren’t dating before?”

[cptn-stvngrntrgrs]

Prompt! Natasha meets Steve's mother, Sarah, in a vision after a mission bc she got injured or smth. "Watching you and my son from up here has got to be the most frustrating thing to watch. Both of you are stubborn and dont realize what you have right now could be something more."

holy shit anon. this is a couple months too late, i’m so sorry!!! thank you for this prompt though - i truly had fun with it!!! here you go~~!!!

Title: I Had A Dream; Your Mother Knows

Relationship: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff

Natasha needed a nudge and who else better give it to her than Sarah Rogers herself?

set sometime after CACW and before Infinity War.

Okay, I know the title are two ABBA songs but there’s nothing else related to ABBA in this fic; I just happened to be listening to the Mamma Mia soundtrack while thinking of a title lol

There are bad missions and there’s bad missions.

This one happens to fall into the latter category, Natasha noticed, a little bit too late. They were tracking down a major supplier of illegal Chitauri weapons deep in the rural countryside. Sam was in charge of flying their jet while Steve and Wanda took down the dealers as a distraction so Natasha can come into their main office and gather the intel.

She plugged in the flash drive and began coding the files from the computer into it, typing furiously. She heard a lock click and in a split second, she has her gun drawn and twirled around to face one of the dealers, holding a gun in front of him. She was a fraction of a second too late as he already fired at her twice, two bullets hitting her chest and stomach. Shit, she cursed through gritted teeth and managed to fire at the guy just before she started to stammer down, gripping onto the desk behind her. The shot hit his waist and he stumbled backwards.

Natasha fired another round at him but her aim was shaky as she tries to keep standing up. She heard the door burst open and collapsed to the floor at the sight of Steve. He looked at her then at the man, who was getting ready to fire at Steve, but he beat him to it and emptied his gun at him to make sure he’s gone, before running to Natasha’s side.

She remembered seeing Steve hold onto her and him screaming into his earpiece for Sam to get them. And she could faintly hear Steve crying out her name, sounding very desperate. Natasha wants to wake up and remind him to let go of her and get the flash drive instead, what is he doing!!! This mission would be pointless if they don’t get that intel. She tried but she couldn’t. She felt something consuming her and she let it, letting the pain go.

–

Natasha woke up, her head feeling light and vision hazy. She was lying down in bed, but the ceiling was unfamiliar for her. Slowly, she turned her head around and saw a woman watching her. Natasha squinted her eyes at the figure but she couldn’t make out her face. Feeling weak, she took her time to sit up and examine her surroundings. She was at a small apartment, and although it was a place she’s never been to before, it feels… familiar.

“I’m glad you’re awake,” the woman’s voice broke the silence. Natasha was still looking around her and let her eyes fall on the woman in front of her once again.

“Who are you? Where am I?” Natasha’s voice came out as raspy and she coughed to clear her throat but soon flinched from the pain she suddenly felt on her stomach. She placed a hand down to put a little bit of pressure on it, hoping to ease the pain.

“Are you hurt?” the woman replied, a frown gracing her beautiful features. Natasha narrowed her eyes. She looks so familiar. And that frown… she’s seen that frown somewhere, she just couldn’t remember. When Natasha didn’t answer, the woman let out a bit of a chuckle. “Oh dear, I’m sorry. You must be confused. I’m Sarah. Sarah Rogers.”

Natasha blinked. Sarah…? Like Steve’s mother, Sarah? Well that does explain the familiar features. And the apartment. She’s seen photos of it from Steve’s old files from before the war. Steve talked about how beautiful his mother was but seeing her personally, she’s gorgeous. Steve definitely got his striking blue eyes from his mother.

Sarah smiled at her, noticing the look of recognition on Natasha’s face. “I take it that you know me from Steve?” Natasha nodded, still trying to take in what’s really happening. “Good. I’m glad that he still talks about me, that silly punk.”

Natasha felt her lips twitch at that. She remembered Steve telling her that his mother and Bucky would call him ‘punk’ due to his reckless nature. “Um, Ms. Rogers, why am I seeing you? Am I… dead?” the possibility of her being dead hasn’t really hit Natasha yet but that’s the only reason that she could think of that would make her see Sarah. She felt a pang of sadness… and regret.

Sarah laughed - it was a beautiful sound - and waved a hand, shaking her head. “Don’t worry, dear, you’re not dead. Almost, though. You were hit, badly, and poor Steve’s shaken,” she explained. Natasha frowned, she remembered getting shot but she didn’t think it was that bad.

“Oh… Um, but how am I with you?” she asked once again.

“Yes, about that. Well this is just me visiting you in a dream. But you’ll be fine, honey, don’t worry,” Sarah reassured, noticing the look of concern on Natasha’s face.

“Huh. I’ve been getting interesting dreams lately,” Natasha mumbled. She thought about the dream she had the other day - a vision of a family, her family. With Steve. Complete with a big house and a white picket fence. She shook her head because no, that’s not possible.

Sarah was watching her intently. “Natasha, I’m here because I want to talk to you. I’ve been watching you and my son from up here,” she paused, taking a deep breath, releasing it with an exasperated puff. “And I got to say, that is most frustrating thing I’ve ever had to watch. Both of you are stubborn and don’t realize what you have right now could be something more.”

Natasha was speechless. Something more? With Steve? She just stared at Sarah, not knowing what to say.

Sarah sighed at the sight of Natasha looking clueless. “Natasha, do you really not see it? Or are you just refusing to acknowledge it?” Sarah asked her, although Natasha knew it was more of a rhetorical question.

The thing is, she does see it. The frequent glances, the banter, and even the way he just seems happier when she’s around. Besides, subtly isn’t exactly Steve’s strongest point. The guy wears his heart on his sleeve for everyone with eyes to see. And anyone who spends at least 5 minutes around the two of them would be able to tell that Steve practically looks at Natasha with heart eyes.

But Sarah is right. Natasha is refusing to acknowledge it. She’s scared, okay? She’s used to every good thing in her life being taken away from her. And Steve? Steve’s the best thing that’s happened to her (well, and Clint too).

She can’t manage to lose him - doesn’t want to lose him. She really tried not to, but she’s starting to depend on him, on his presence. Like how his constant soothing words everytime she found herself to be in a bad place - nightmares, flashbacks - would be enough to bring her back to reality, to herself. The way he just seems to make her forget her past, the red in her ledger.

“Natasha?” Sarah called out. Natasha’s eyes snapped back to meet hers and she looks a little concerned. “Don’t overthink it. You care about him, and he cares about you. A lot. Now, just listen to what your heart wants, I think it’ll help lead you two in the right direction.” She smiled softly and reached out to grasp Natasha’s hand. “Now, go back there and you’ll figure it out. Thank you for being there for my son.”

Then darkness overtook her.

Natasha awoke with a start. She tried to take a deep breath, but was met with pain instead. She has a pair of breathing support tubes in her nose that is probably breathing for her. Frowning, she tried to look around - as best as she could, anyway, she felt so sore - and found a mop of blonde hair on her right side. She can immediately tell that it’s Steve, and he looks fast asleep, bent at a weird angle from the chair he was sitting in. His head was resting on top of his crossed arms, with one of his hands clutching Natasha’s.

Based on the ceiling and lights around her, she’s in a room that’s not quite an actual hospital room, but is set to look like one; with machines plugged in around her and it looks familiar. Pausing to think for a moment, she realized this must be one of SHIELD’s clandestine facilities, which she’s been to in some other regions in the country, like the underground one Fury recovered in. They probably couldn’t risk taking her to an actual hospital in case they get caught.

Steve stirred a couple of seconds later, most likely sensing she was awake based on her moving her head. Well, she and Steve has always been attuned to each other, so it wouldn’t surprise her if he felt that she was awake through no other means but his gut.

He looked startled for a moment, eyes still unfocused as they met Natasha’s, who already has a smile playing on her lips. “Hi soldier,” she croaked out. It was meant to be teasing but it turns out she barely has a voice. Which reminds her, she needs water. Her throat felt like cardboard.

Steve looked stunned. He remained silent for a couple of more seconds until breathing out a long sigh. “Oh thank god,” she heard him mutter before he ducked his head down and she felt him kiss her hand. When he looked up at her again, his eyes were shining with unshed tears. “I’m so happy you’re awake, Nat. We were so worried…” he trailed off, looking at her intently, like she was the only thing in the world that mattered. In any other circumstances, Natasha would’ve teased him about this, but right now, she can only widen her smile and feel her cheeks heat up a bit.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice still low. Steve raised his eyebrow at the way she sounded, and seemed to get the clue that she needed water. He held up a hand and reached down, taking a bottle of water and straw from what she guessed was his bag under the bed. He let her hand go as he uncapped it, put the straw in, and held it up in front of her to drink. Natasha sipped from the straw as quickly as she could, and in just a few seconds, she finished the bottle. Steve let out a small chuckle and put it away, sitting back down, and grasping her hand in his again.

“Hm, where do I even start? It has been a tough week, Nat.” he said lightly, but there was a heaviness in his voice - something like resignation, weariness, and relief all at once.

“Wait, a week?” Natasha interjected. “I was out for a week?” Steve only nodded and Natasha gaped at him. No wonder he looked like a mess. And she feels like a mess.

“Yeah. We nearly,” she heard his voice waver, but he continued, “lost you. A couple of times too,” Steve cleared his throat, blinking quickly. “If you were leaning a little bit more to your right…” Steve trailed off, shaking his head. Natasha knew what he meant, based on the tubes on her nose and chest. “Fury had you transported here, ASAP. He sent Sam the coordinates as soon as he mentioned you were shot. Badly.” Steve sighed.

“But did you get the intel?” Natasha asked after Steve paused. As soon as she asked that, though, she knew it was the wrong question.

Steve stared at her and frowned. Natasha had to stop herself from grinning. He looked so much like Sarah had been in her vision, but she didn’t want to tell him that right now. “Nat. Did you not hear what I just said? You almost died, I couldn’t care less about some damn intel,” he scowled.

“I’m sorry…” Natasha muttered, feeling guilty. Sarah’s words echoed in her mind. He cares about you. A lot. “I’m just worried that-”

“- We wouldn’t get the intel we need, yes, I know that,” Steve cut her off and finished her train of thought. Natasha stayed quiet. “But Nat, you have to understand, you mean so much more to us, to me,” he emphasized, and Natasha’s eyes widened fractionally, “than some piece of information,” his grip on her hand was getting tighter with each word.

Natasha didn’t say anything and just looked at him, her eyes searching his. “Come here,” she motioned for him to come closer to her. Throwing her a puzzled look, Steve stood up to move his seat closer and leaned over her. Natasha used her free hand to pull him down by tugging his shirt, and clashed their lips together.

It seemed like it took Steve a few moments to realize what was happening since he just froze and Natasha moved her hand from his shirt to the back of his head, pressing him down harder. He finally came to his senses at this, and started to kiss her back, closing his eyes. Knowing that Natasha probably doesn’t have the strength, he adjusted himself so she doesn’t have to pull him down, and put his arm on the bed to brace himself over her.

The kiss, which started out innocent and slow, became more heated as months of pent up desire overcame them. Steve poured out all his worry and concern and relief into it, relishing into the fact that she’s here and she’s alive. Natasha was taking it all, gripping into his shirt and resisting the urge to pull him closer. There are still tubes connecting her to machines and she wouldn’t want him to pull on those.

“So are you ever going to tell us she woke up or are you going to wait until after your honeymoon before doing so?” A teasing voice made Steve suddenly jump up and pull away from Natasha. Sam was leaning by the already-opened door frame, a smirk plastered on his face. Wanda was right behind him, face split into a huge grin.

Steve was at a loss for words and can feel that his face is probably matching the red of his uniform. “I- uh,” he looked at Natasha for help, but she just had a smug look on, looking back at Sam and Wanda. “Um, why didn’t you knock?” Steve finally managed to let out.

“We did,” Wanda answered, moving in front of Sam and into the room. “But no one answered. We thought you two were both still sleeping so we let ourselves in,” she explained.

“But turns out, it was a different kind of sleeping,” Sam said with a wink. “You were supposed to call a doctor when she woke up!” he reminded Steve.

“Oh. Um, doctor, yes,” Steve repeated, blinking, looked at the headboard above Natasha and pressed a button.

“However, I am glad you two finally figured it out,” Wanda mentioned, sitting at the chair on Natasha’s other side.

“Figured it out?” Steve asked, tilting his head at her.

“Oh, we had helped,” Natasha answered, reaching for Steve’s hand and locking her fingers with his. He looked down at her, still looking confused, but she just smiled broadly at him. She knows their relationship is about to become something more.

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode 7 & 8: “ i know who i'd kill for, i know who i'd kill” - Jules

Click HERE to listen to Szymon’s Vocaroo!

Click HERE to listen to another of Szymon’s Vocaroos!

Click HERE to view Szymon’s trust rankings!

Click HERE to watch Rob’s Video!

Click HERE to watch another of Rob’s Videos!

________________________________________________________________

Christian is removed from the game for cheating.

Click HERE to listen to Szymon’s Vocaroo!

Click HERE to watch Cindi’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Daisy’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Gage’s Video!

Click HERE to listen to Szymon’s Vocaroo!

Click HERE to watch Rob’s Video!

So last rounds tribal got cancelled which was very nice. we planned on splitting between Cindi and Chips, with chips going home in a revote. once tribal got cancelled though it was nice to just have the evening free of stress. then once again WE LOSE THE FREAKIN CHALLENGE. I mean a GOOSE. A GOOSE IS JUST AS MUCH OF A BIRD AS A CHICKEN. just very frustrating. i want THE DAY OFF. TODAY IS MY FIRST DAY OF NO WORK IN 5 DAYS AND I WANNA IGNORE SURVIVOR BUT I CANT!! so. then after we lost we stayed up on call and once cindi left, me daisy and gage were talking game (i wasnt talking too much bc i was stoned). and Gage told us that cindi asked him to vote one of us out AND that chips and cindi were gonna vote me last round!! WHAT THE HECK! AND WHY DIDNT HE TELL ME SOONER??????? So then we went to bed kinda agreeing that we would all prefer Cindi to leave but would be fine with Chips depending on what Conor thinks.

Thats where im at so far. the idol is gone but i think rob or szymon have it. and i just want to MAKE MERGE!!! I hope our 4 can stick together.

im ngl to you.... i've watched so much survivor and when it's day 19, usually shit starts heating up. yeah, shit's been HEAT UP since the beginning but ...the merge is coming. i feel it. i just can't believe i've been playing this game for 19 days????????? anyways, my strat of letting other people take the reins and push moves that i want to happen has happened, almost everyone ive wanted to leave, has gone. even on the other tribe -- so that's really cool??? i don't know if im being labeled a social threat either. i just need to think of how to start navigating things once we hit merge. i am 100 percent and i mean 100 percent loyal to daisy/cindi/szymon and HOPEFULLY we can all link up at merge and just be a Power Alliance. i just. rip christian and rip black girl magic i wanted to play with her SO BAD but this makes it easier game wise bc now i don't have to vote out someone i like at f5 or smth. idk. i know we're not at merge or anything but there's a lot in this game thats pretty straightforward to me. i know who i'd die for, i know who i'd kill for, i know who i'd kill. i know what i have to do. i just. i gotta do it. i'm fucking ready.

Click HERE to watch Conor’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Cindi’s Video!

Click HERE to watch Daisy’s Video!

So I guess a lot has happened since I last confessed and I forgot to film... and also don't really have time to do so.

Our tribe lost immunity with a puzzle game where the other tribe were on literal steroids.. and one of them was banished from the platform for quitting which may have saved my life.

Then we got a challenge to play Codenames a board game I've always wanted to try so that was fun!! I was pretty good?? At it so I became a Spymaster to give clues and lead our tribe to another loss!

Yay Helgamine losers!! Anyway, I'm pretty confident I'm the easy vote as well as the obvious with writing on the wall vote. Cindi and I have been trying to crack the others and to get them to vote Daisy or anyone else and literally it's my only shot!! Woo!

Hoping people like me enough to go for it! Also I failed to find the idol with five presents and it was my only shot and guaranteeing my safety so schwoopsie!

Better confessionals if I make it past this round... maybe. <3

Brandan sending a last minute confessional AGAIN? What more can you ask for from little old me :P.

But we won immunity again, which I'm really happy about! It was pretty much codenames, and we came perilously close to royally fucking ourselves over in the challenge when we nearly picked Vodka, but hey we didn't so that's good at the end! I kind of forgot that we had the challenge at the time we did since I was coming back from the beach and what not, and honestly like the past couple of days I been dealing with a lot of shit hell, testing positive for COVID before the game really picked up royally sucked and drained a lot out of me but now this is my only game I'm in so I'm invested as I can be!

And I feel like I'm good going into the merge with where everything is going, it sucks that Christian had to go cheat and ended up getting disqualified, but honestly our tribe is so much better because of it, and my position in this tribe as well. While I haven't been like ON that much if that makes any sense I've still been having fun in this game completely, and I feel like I've been making connections and what not so I feel good right now, and sometimes, all you can ask for is a bunch of fun! :D

Click HERE to watch Gage’s Video!

ASLDKJFHAL IM SORRY I'VE BEEN JUST LIKE--- TOO BUSY FOR VIDEOS AND STUFF AND LIKE IM JUST LIKE OMG AHHH STRESS AND

ok so anyways, i started a chinese program this week that's 8 credits and like, school is so much. i just like, didnt really do anything this week so sorry this is boring. go zeldaborne we really rocked that huh. hope we merge lmao i guess no more pre-merge please please please love you bye mwah xx <33

Click HERE to watch Daisy’s Video!

________________________________________________________________

Cindi is voted out, first we tie 2-2-2 and then on the revote she is voted out 3-0.