sparrellow

[sparrellow]

with love

“Alright. Tell me where it hurts.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “Everywhere.”

rating: M for something going on in len’s pants genre: romance, humour, friendship pairing: rinlen words:  4,174

read on ao3 / read on fanfiction.net

[sparrellow]

oops

Rin realised with absolute terror, that by some cursed oddity, the quite-revealing, most definitely embarrassing selfie she had just taken had been sent to Len.

rating: T genre: humour, romance pairing: rinlen words:  2,477

It was a balmy Tuesday afternoon, and Rin was bored, so she went window shopping.

Her favourite thing to do was try on cute outfits, take selfies in them, and then not buy anything at all. It wasn’t like she could afford to buy any of the things she tried, anyway—she was a broke university student, barely scraping by weekly on nutritious meals of cup ramen. 

This day, she felt particularly ambitious. A little sexy, even. So she went to her favourite lingerie store and tried on a bunch of cute, expensive underwear.

Alas, it did not go exactly as planned.

When she unlocked her phone to take a selfie, it did some weird glitch thing, but she simply shrugged it off and went to snap a photo of herself in the pastel, frilly, mermaid-themed underwear she’d picked out. Hmm. Cute. She clicked the confirm button, and went to take another picture, except— 

Except the screen didn’t return to the camera option.

Oh, no.

It didn’t.

It had, in fact, opened up her message with Len. Her uni friend. The cute guy from her Psychology class.

But that wasn’t it.

Because, Rin realised with absolute terror, that by some cursed oddity, the quite-revealing , most definitely embarrassing selfie she had just taken had been sent to him.

The final hit was the little: Read at 2:36 .

“Fuck!”

.

It was a balmy Tuesday afternoon, and Len was struggling to stay awake during his Introduction to Molecular Chemistry lecture. He kept nodding off every few minutes, the lecturer’s voice oddly soothing—both a blessing and a curse in his case.

But then his phone buzzed, and his eyes popped open to read the notification.

(1) Message from Rin Kagamine.

Huh. Wonder why Rin was texting him. They didn’t really talk much outside of their class together, but she was pretty cool. Pretty and cool, that was. He didn’t really think they were on that level for casual conversations yet, so perhaps it was uni-related, or something.

He reached over to unlock his phone to read the message. 

And promptly turned off his screen again.

What… what was that .

His eyes had almost fallen out of his sockets. Had he just seen correctly? Or was his mind playing tricks on him? He wasn’t even entirely sure.

Reluctantly, he opened the message back up.

And confirmed, it was, indeed, not a mistake of his eyes. 

She had, in fact, just sent him a picture of her in underwear. (Very nice underwear, might he add! But also, what the fuck was going on here .)

Before he could even form some degree of coherent message in response to the picture, Rin had begun spamming him in a flurry of panic.

FUCK

I’M SO SORRY

I

I’M SO FUCKING EMBARRASSED OH MY FUCKING GOD

FUCK!!!!

I SWEAR THIS WAS AN ACCIDENT I

I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED MY PHONE GLITCHED I’M SO SORRY LEN FUCK

He raised an eyebrow at the messages, amused. So it was… an accident? How does one send a sexy selfie as an accident? How does one’s phone glitch to the degree of accidentally sending someone a sexy selfie? Had she been meaning to send it to someone else?

There were so many questions. 

Well, the good thing was that Len was definitely awake now.

.

Rin was crouching on the floor of the dressing room, half-naked and freaking out because he still hadn’t replied. But he had read all the messages. Oh god. What happens if he, like, posted the picture to some Facebook group to shame her? What if he used it for blackmail?

Was Len that sort of person? Did he like blackmail?

But before she could jump to any more conclusions, he’d responded with:

Thanks. I needed something to make this lecture a little bit more bearable.

He was at school? Had he opened the message in front of everyone? Had everyone else seen her in the cute little frilly mermaid underwear with her unshaven legs and pot-belly from eating two servings of instant yakisoba for lunch????

Rin sunk further down onto the ground, clutching her head, texting back rapid-fire. 

I swear it was an accident I don’t know why it was sent to you I was literally just taking pics of myself and AHHHHH

Did she really just admit that she had been taking photos of herself, half-naked, in the dressing room of an expensive lingerie store?

Yes. Yes she did.

And Len had the audacity to send back a crying-laughing face.

Well idk if you wanted an opinion, but it looks cute. You should buy it.

Rin buried her face into her knees, utterly humiliated . This wasn’t what she was expecting her boring Tuesday afternoon to be like. Maybe she should’ve just stayed home and studied like a good student.

Well. It was too late to go back now.

I wish I could but it’s way out of my price range

Thanks, tho

She closed her phone and stood up, taking a breath to calm herself. At that moment, the dressing room assistant knocked on her door and asked, “Do you need any help?”

“I’m fine!” she croaked, scrambling to change into her next outfit. God forbid she let anyone else look at her body today.

.

Len couldn’t help but be a little disappointed at the fact that she’d stop replying after that last message.

Of course, it was normal , given that this was all apparently an accident , but he was hoping she’d send another picture or two.

You know.

That sounded dirty of him. But she was cute. And that first picture was—although very much a surprise—somewhat eye candy for him. Plus he was super bored. He still had another hour left of his lecture and his soul was slowly being leached from his body.

So, like the little disgusting man he was, he sent another message.

Is that all?

About a minute passed, before Rin responded with, What?

He internally winced. Was he really going to make himself sound like a major creep?

Yes. Yes he was.

(This was going to make his Psychology class super awkward and he knew it.)

You’re not trying any others on?

Rin’s reply came almost immediately after that. Of COURSE I’m trying others on

What, do you want more pictures of an underdeveloped adult woman with hairy legs and a bloated stomach in your phone?

Len snorted. The picture she’d sent was fine. It was a body. A very nice body he liked to look at.

So he said, I can give you a second opinion?

It was radio static silent from Rin. She’d read his message, but no answer. He waited about five minutes, before he put down his phone with a sigh and tried to tune into his class.

She’d probably blocked his number. With good reason.

God. How was he going to meet her eyes in Psychology class on Thursday?

Providing she didn’t like, sock him in the jaw for being a pervert.

But he couldn’t help it! He needed the thrill! The entertainment! Also the pictures of a cute girl in cute underwear on his phone!

Len was going to hell but he didn’t even care.

.

Rin had stared at her phone for an incredibly long time, not sure how to respond to her classmate.

Look, she got it. It was her fault for being a dumbass and not checking before taking the picture. She technically asked for this roundabout method of torture. 

And yet. He had the audacity to ask for more.

She didn’t know whether to be mad or impressed. Madpressed, maybe.

So she left it to stew on, finished taking selfies of all the cute underwear in her naked glory, and went home very pensive. She thought very hard about it all on the bus, and glared hard at his little, stupid face in his icon on the message app.

Len was a good-looking guy. And , from the few conversations they had in class, he had a good sense of humour. And judging by his messages, he was also a cheeky asshole.

But she could’ve done worse. A whole lot worse. She could’ve sent that picture to her grandfather, or better yet, one of her creepy great uncles. Perhaps it was a good thing she’d sent it to some random (hot) guy from university.

Yeah.

So Rin decided to send the rest of her photos to him, and die gracefully in a puddle of shame. 

He’d already seen one, so he might as well see them all.

.

Len almost tripped and fell flat on his face when Rin suddenly bulk-sent five more pictures of her in various, adorable lingerie.

He wasn’t even in his lecture anymore. He was walking home, feeling sorry for his little perverted self, and the fact that he accidentally slept through the remainder of his class. How on earth was he even going to pass that class.

The blood rushing to his head (and to the south pole), he managed to type out a response that read a lot more underwhelmingly compared to what was really going on in his mind.

Very nice.

Was it something a girl wanted to read after sending multiple pictures of herself in a vulnerable state? No, probably not. But his brain had turned to mush and was starting to seep out of his ears. 

Rin wasn’t impressed.

You could’ve at least said thank you

Len fumbled for his dorm key, hands sweaty. Look, he was inexperienced. No one had ever sent him sexy pictures—or the equivalent of them, at least, whatever these were. He didn’t know how to handle it! Besides, she wasn’t even, like, a girl he was dating. He couldn’t just go full-mcCreep and tell her that he had a boner.

Could he?

No. He couldn’t.

Thank you , he responded, upon letting himself into his dorm room. I like the lavender one btw. It goes well with your hair colour

Was that too… much? He didn’t know if what he was doing was right. What did she expect him to say? He had no idea what on earth this entire situation was meant to be.

Oh really? That was my favourite

Cost like half a kidney tho

Len sank down onto his bed, relieved at her response. Okay. Okay. He was doing better. But now … he had a very important question he wanted to ask.

What’s the name of the store?

.

Rin blinked at his message, wondering why he was asking.

But she decided it was better not to ask. Maybe he had a girlfriend, or something. (Which, if he did, she would be incredibly pissed, because wouldn’t this classify as cheating? If he did, she was going to make sure he couldn’t walk straight ever again.)

She sent him back the store name. And left it there.

Thanks!

I’ll see you on Thursday ;)

Rin stared at his messages. Why did he send that winky face. What did it mean. What did it mean.

She didn’t respond, just tossed her phone aside and flopped back against her couch. She’d find out soon enough if she’d regret her actions.

.

Come Thursday, Rin had all but mentally prepared for her encounter with Len.

He pulled out the chair beside her in their lecture hall, and she stiffened, reluctantly dragging her eyes up to meet his gaze.

“Morning,” he said, acting way too casual given the circumstances. He plopped a familiar bag down on the desk in front of her and winked. Winked.

She felt her breakfast come up a little as it dawned on her, with absolute horror, that the bag donned the logo of the exact same store she’d been trying on underwear in the other day.

“What… is this,” she asked, gesturing at the bag like it was a severed toe.

Len looked smug, resting his chin on his hand. “I don’t know. Take a peek.”

“You don’t know,” Rin muttered to herself, unconvinced. She leaned forward, peering into the bag, catching a glimpse of something the shade of lavender. Uhhhh. She’d seen that shade of lavender somewhere. On her body. In the dressing room.

Hm.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Len said, shifting his gaze away so that he was facing forward. “No, I don’t know your size. I guessed.”

She wanted to send her face forward into the surface of the desk. 

��But if it doesn’t fit,” he added, lips turning up into a smirk, “you can always take it in to swap it for your size. The receipt is in the bag.”

God. What on earth. What the even. What?

“Is this… are you going to like… blackmail me or something, or,” Rin spluttered, eyeing him with suspicion. “What are you going to have me do in return for… this? This brand isn’t… cheap.”

Len glanced back at her, shrugged his shoulders. “Well, you technically don’t have to do anything , but…” He licked his lips. What the fuck? Ew. Gross. “I wouldn’t mind some more pictures.”

She gawked at him, heat rushing to her cheeks. “ Re ally?” She didn’t trust him. She didn’t trust this pretty-faced man-boy at all. “So, you want to be my sugar daddy?”

He choked. After recovering from his coughing fit, he sat up straight, made direct eye-contact and said smoothly, “Yeah, if that’s how you want to see it.”

So, he gave her expensive lingerie. In exchange for. Pictures of her. In said lingerie.

Wow.

Rin wasn’t sure whether she was awake anymore, or just dreaming. Maybe she had passed out or something, and was having a fever dream. This was just too weird to even be real. She pinched her thigh under the desk, but nothing happened (alas).

“I mean, you could just go on a date with me instead, and maybe you’ll get to see the real thing,” her mouth said, without any mental input. It just came out. 

It was real clown hours in this Psychology lecture, huh.

Len’s mouth popped open. Then closed. Then opened again. “That could work, too.”

It was silent. No one knew how to handle this situation, apparently. They were both staring awkwardly at the bag of lingerie on the desk between them, like it might eat them at any moment.

Eventually, Rin’s hand reached out and snatched it off the desk, stuffing it down into her shoulder bag on the ground. She cleared her throat, tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Well, I’ll try it on tonight and see how it fits.”

Len tried not to look too pleased. And failed. “Cool.” He hesitated, side-glancing her. “If it does… ”

“I’ll meet you at Crypton's at seven.”

He blinked, surprised, before leaning back in his seat and grinning with satisfaction. “Sounds good.”

(Spoiler alert: Rin’s underwear didn’t fit, but they still went on the date anyway.)

[sparrellow]

It’s Not a Date (Or Is It?)

“Why would I, of all people, ask the poor girl out on her birthday, of all days,” he said. “That sounds like the worst birthday gift ever.”

rating: T genre: romance, humour pairing: rinlen words:  5,141

Although they had been friends since they were in diapers, when it came to Rin’s birthday, Len always had no clue what to give her.

You see, the girl was difficult. She didn’t really like her birthday—she refused to celebrate it, even. She went so far as to threaten to blackmail him (with childhood photos of him half-naked, suction cups on his nipples; it was better not to ask, for childhood had been a strange time) if he so much as ever planned a surprise party behind her back. 

Whenever he’d try asking about what she’d want for her birthday, she’d scoff and roll her eyes and tell him something stupid like, “A will to live.” Yes, Rin, we all want a will to live, he’d think. But alas I need something a little more obtainable.

And, well, it wasn’t like Len could just not give her a gift—he had to. It was obligatory. While Rin’s blood curdled at the mention of her own birthday, whenever it came to anyone else’s, she would go ham. The previous birthday, she’d knitted Len a sweater. A whole, mcfucking sweater. And you can bet this simp wore it so much the armpits started permanently smelling like the inside of a men’s locker room. 

So he had to give her something back as equally as awesome. It was just an unwritten rule in his book of life. It was Len law.

Despite spending a good portion of the year listening out for any things she could want, this year around was particularly tough. Rin had mentioned, in the off-occasion, wanting several things; a television (he couldn’t afford that even if he wanted to), a boyfriend (well… maybe? Ahem. Just kidding), and a trip to the ISS (h… how).

For obvious reasons, such gifts were unobtainable. Which came to the dilemma he experienced almost every year: what in the ever loving fuck should he give to Rin this year?

It hit one week before her birthday when he started to grow desperate. So desperate, in fact, he consulted two of Rin’s closest female friends—Gumi and Miku, who seemed to be (sometimes, mostly) on the same wavelength as her. 

He didn’t like talking to them. They were painful to engage with. Insufferable. The human embodiment of gremlins. But desperate times called for desperate measures.

“A gift for Rin, huh,” Miku had echoed, when he’d planted himself at their desks one morning. Rin always came late, so, it wasn’t like he’d be caught in the act or anything anyway. 

Len nodded.

Gumi and Miku exchanged looks.

“How about you ask her out,” Miku suggested, a deadpan expression. Gumi, however, couldn’t do much to hide her amusement; bursting into a fit of giggles behind her hand.

He rolled his eyes. “A serious gift, Miku.”

“What?” She looked innocent. “It is serious.”

Gumi continued to snort-laugh off to the side.

“Well, what are you two giving her for her birthday?” he asked, deciding it wasn’t worth the effort arguing.

Miku tossed a pigtail behind one shoulder. “We’re going to have a sleepover, where we will forcibly sing happy birthday to her and make her eat a cake.”

Len frowned. “That sounds… nice. I guess.”

“You can’t steal our idea.” She jabbed a finger at his chest. “Like I said, just ask her out.”

“Why would I, of all people, ask the poor girl out on her birthday, of all days,” he said. “That sounds like the worst birthday gift ever.”

It was their turn to roll their eyes. “Maybe to you, banana brain,” Gumi said. “It’s pathetic that you’ve been friends with her the longest out of us three, and you still don’t know what gift to give her on her birthday. Talk about dumbass energy.” Then they high-fived each other.

Len bristled, his pride taking a hefty blow. “And? At least I’m trying to give her something she wants,” he reasoned, voice squeaking.

“If you used any of that big, big brain in that big, big head of yours, you would know what she wants,” Miku shot back, waggling a finger at his forehead. “Like I said: kissy kissy. Go on a date with me. Let’s get married or something and live happily ever after.”

But he was unconvinced. Rin? Living happily ever after? That girl couldn’t sit through any romance movie for the life of her. 

He decided this conversation was not worth having. He would figure this out on his own.

Maybe. Hopefully. Probably.

.

“A gift for your girlfriend,” Kaito mused aloud, looking distant as he hung over the fence separating him and Len. Kaito was his neighbour; an older, more experienced neighbour (he was a university student and proudly boasted about his experience having dated two girls and one guy).

It was T-minus three days until Rin’s birthday, and Len was still running in circles trying to figure out what to give her. It had come to asking his neighbour. Who, in all the times they’d interacted, always smelt like bong water and cigarettes.

Len winced. “She’s not my girlfriend,” he said—or, well, insisted.

Kaito ignored him. “How about a date,” he suggested. “Like, a really sweet date. You take her somewhere she likes to go and treat her. It doesn’t have to be grand or extravagant, or anything.”

Huh. Huh. The guy had a point. Not the date part, but the taking-her-out-and-paying-for-her part. It didn’t seem too bad of an idea, actually.

All of a sudden, Len had a great idea for what to do on Rin’s birthday. He quickly thanked Kaito for his advice and ran off, annoyed he hadn’t thought of it in the first place, but nevertheless plotting a master plan of where he could take her on her birthday.

First, of course, he had to check whether she was available that day.

Rin r u busy on Sunday, he texted her on LINE.

She replied two minutes later with, I’m at Miku’s in the morning, but I’m free in the afternoon. Why?

Okay, good. He didn’t need to rethink schedules or anything. Do u want to hang out? We could go 2 karaoke or smth.

Sure. What time?

Len paused to think, before responding, How abt one?

Rin’s reply came back almost immediately. Sounds good.

He was relieved. Okay. So. Now he just had to figure out what to do to make the whole thing, well, special. It was her birthday. Sure, going to karaoke was good and fun and all, but they already did that pretty regularly. It was part of the plan, but he needed something more. 

How about a nice restaurant? Or was that too, well, suggestive? Besides, he only had so much of his allowance he could spare. Hmm.

He pulled up the internet browser on his phone and began typing into the search function, Places to go on dat— Wait—delete delete delete. Places to go for birthdays. There we go.

Some articles popped up. He clicked on the first one, scanned the list. Restaurant. Cinema. Musical theatre. Park. Museum. Observation tower.

Observation tower?

Len thought for a moment. He knew he was too broke to take her somewhere exciting like, uh, Skytree or whatever. But then there was the Metropolitan Government Building in Shinjuku. And that was free. And they had a cafe at the top. 

Plus, it was sort of romantic— 

But the point of it was, it was for her birthday. Not a date. And it was something nice and unique, and he could totally imagine them sitting in the cafe watching the sunset over Tokyo's skyline.

So, that was decided. Karaoke. Observation tower. Maybe dinner if Rin was keen on getting something like Gusto because he didn't have the bank account for it. Man, Kaito was sort of a genius, in his own strange, Kaito way.

He reminded himself to buy the guy an ice cream sometime as a thank you gift.

.

Sunday finally came, and Len arranged to meet Rin out front of their usual go-to karaoke box. She was already there waiting when he arrived—which was strange, given the girl's notoriety for being fashionably late in most situations—looking bored and scrolling through her phone. She was dressed sort of cute; a mustard yellow overall dress and white collar shirt underneath, hair tied back by her signature white bow. 

He swept her up into an embrace, which she wriggled out of with a groan. "Happy birthday!"

Her cheeks flushed red and she rolled her eyes. "Shut up."

Len took no offence, steering her into the lobby of Joysound. "How was your sleepover with Gumi and Miku?" he asked.

Rin looked surprised. "You knew about that?"

"Oh. Yeah. I talked to them last week about it."

She blinked. "Huh." She seemed to brush it off as something minor, answering his question with a shrug of her shoulders. "You know. It's Miku and Gumi. We played monopoly before Miku got bored, and then they forced me to play truth or dare."

"Truth or dare, huh." Len had heard multiple horror stories about her previous experiences with the girls playing truth or dare. He grinned, glancing over at her. “So what did you do?”

“Dare, of course,” Rin said. She held up her wrist, showing an elaborate illustration of an erected penis. “What do you think?”

His eyebrows shot up. “That’s creative.”

She snickered. "Yeah. I think they were getting a bit frustrated with me. I kept saying pass on their dares, so the punishment was to drink a whole bottle of ketchup."

Len wondered what possible thing they were trying to get her to do that she would willingly drink ketchup over doing. "Did you?"

"Yeah. And then I threw up all over Miku's carpet, so they called it a night."

The way she said it so nonchalantly caught him off guard as they stepped up to the counter. He fumbled with his wallet, pulling out a membership card and scrambling to fill out the slip of paper the front counter clerk handed to him.

Rin was reading his writing over his shoulder. “Four hours? Really? I thought we would be going for like, eight hours.”

He handed the paper back to the staff and shot her his best, reassuring grin. "I've got other stuff planned after this, you know."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Other stuff?" she echoed. "Better not be a surprise party, or I will post those pictures of you all over—"

"It's not a surprise party. It's just you and I. Jeez."

The staff told him how much they owed, and he dished out the money before Rin could even get to her own purse. 

She frowned. "Hey. Tell me how much it was when we get to the room so I can pay you back."

"No," he said smoothly, pocketing the change and taking the receipt. "Today, it's on me."

Rin opened her mouth to argue as they started off down the corridor towards their allocated room number. "Are you sure? Four hours isn't cheap—"

"It's fine," he insisted. "It's your birthday. Think of it as part of the gift."

She wasn't impressed, but she knew better not to argue.

The room they were given wasn't huge—which was fine, not that they needed the space—so they sat next to each other bumping shoulders on the far side of the room, facing the television. Rin already had the remote in hand within moments of sitting down, queuing a ton of songs they usually defaulted to singing every time they went to karaoke.

When they cleared out what she had queued, she reached for the menu on the table in front of them and started looking through it. “I’m hungry. Can we get something?”

Len was trying to remember how much he had left in his wallet in terms of cash. "Uh. Sure."

She pointed at a picture of a plate of takoyaki. "Want to share some?"

They were only 600 yen. Not too bad. 

He nodded, before noticing a lack of drinks on their table, and the dry, scratchy feeling in his throat. He quickly checked the receipt they were given. "Shoot. I got us the drink bar. Want me to grab you something?"

"Oh." Rin thought for a moment, as if the decision was really tough, although the selection at the drink bar almost never changed. "Just get me some minute maid. The usual."

Right. Orange soda. The usual. As he got up from his seat, she reached over to unhook the phone from the wall.

"I'll order the food," she told him before he left.

Len poured himself a glass of calpis, grabbed Rin's soda. While waiting for the drink machine to finish, he acknowledged that he was feeling sort of nervous. His heart was beating hard against his ribcage, palms clammy. Why though? It wasn't like this was any different from any other karaoke venture him and Rin went on.

Well, besides the plans he had for the evening, but it was because of her birthday. Nothing else. No sinister thoughts here.

When he got back to the room, Rin had already queued another block of songs and was in the middle of singing something. He hadn’t even the chance to queue anything he wanted. 

God, she was such a remote hog, and he thought to tell her off, but reminded himself it was her birthday. Let her be the evil remote hog that she was for the day.

The food came when they were in the middle of a duet. Len almost missed his part of the song, because she hadn’t just ordered takoyaki, but also a plate of fries and a strawberry parfait. His eyes popped out of his head as the employee set down the food on the table.

Rin, he thought. Why are you like this. I love you, but why are you like this.

“Are you going to eat all of that?” he asked when the song finished.

She gave him a look. “No? We’re sharing.”

Len mumbled something along the lines of okay yeah whatever but I didn’t ask for this much food. He reached for a soggy fry, mourning his allowance.

.

Karaoke went by fast. In retrospect, it was probably better to have only spent four hours there, because his throat was raw by the third hour. Rin—the absolute madman—was still going somewhat strong, although her voice was a tad raspy by the end.

After Len paid for the food, they left and headed for the station nearby. On the way there, Rin asked, "So, where to next?"

"Shinjuku." He left it brief.

She screwed up her face. "Shinjuku? Ew. Why are we going there?"

"Because that's where I planned for us to go?" He gave her a hurt look, and she returned it, playful.

Admittedly, Len was a little worried, considering Rin had consumed almost all of the food they were supposed to share (not to forget that she also put another dint in his wallet). He was planning on them having cake or something at the cafe at the top of the north tower, because it was her birthday, but she probably wouldn't even be hungry.

The trains were starting to get a little busy—Sunday afternoon, everyone was going home—so they had to stand a little close together. Rin parked herself in the corner between the seats and the door, and Len right beside her, trying to avoid touching the other people around them but leaving enough space for Jesus between each other.

Normally Len wouldn't find himself so worked up over this situation, but today, his brain was like, stupid teenage boy mode or something because being so close to her was really bothering him. She seemed unaware of that, though, recounting some of the misadventures she'd had with Miku and Gumi the night before.

He listened, but didn't really listen, hyper aware of their hands and arms grazing with every jolt of the train, and eyes betraying him every few minutes by slipping down to her lips. Why, oh why, was he sexualising his best friend like this? On her birthday? Really, Len?

Eventually, they reached their destination station, and headed towards the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building.

Rin tried nagging him again about where they were going.

"You'll see in, like, five minutes," he told her.

She sulked. “Why is it some big secret?” she complained. “I hate secrets.”

“It’s not a secret. I just like seeing you suffer.”

“Len. Choke.”

He grinned as they turned a corner in the underground walkway leading them away from the station, reaching a set of long, long escalators. Rin peered up at the sign above, trying to catch a glimpse of what possible location they were heading to.

"Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building?" she read. "What's so special about that?"

Len feigned nonchalance, tossing a shoulder. "Oh, you know," he said. "There are observation decks at the top of each tower, and I heard it looks really nice at sunset, so I was just thinking of going there with you."

"Huh." Her expression went blank. "That's nice."

It was a short walk amongst the towering buildings of Shinjuku. This part of the city wasn't as busy or touristy; clean and pristine with wide, empty footpaths. A clear, blue sky peeked through the skyscrapers overhead. It was only five or so, so they still had a bit of time before sundown. Luckily, the weather and visibility were good that day, much to his relief.

The wait in line to reach the observation level was long, but admittedly, worth it. Rin seemed happy once they reached the top, running over to the closest window and pulling out her phone to snap pictures of the skyline. She ushered him over, made him squint into the distance to look for the ocean, and they spent a good half hour trying to spot landmarks amongst the sea of buildings below.

After walking the perimeter of the building, they settled down in the seats of the cafe. “Do you want anything?” Len asked.

Rin hummed, eyes skimming over the menu. “I think I’ll just get tea.”

He was a little disappointed she wasn’t interested in any of the sweets on display (the banana cake looked really good, okay), but decided in retrospect, he would’ve been terrified if that girl could fit anymore in after eating takoyaki, fries and almost all of the strawberry parfait.

After he came back with their drinks, they settled into a comfortable silence. Rin was responding to messages on her phone, and he was just happy to watch as her expression shifted with every thought.

Eventually, she set down her phone and stared down at the table between them. “So,” she began, in a tone that meant business.

He sat up in his chair, smiled at her, but it was nervous, because she—all of a sudden—seemed very serious. And serious Rin was not a common occurrence.

Her fingers curled into fists on her thighs, and her gaze flitted everywhere in the room but his face. “Is this, um, a date?”

At first, Len didn’t know how to respond. 

His mouth hung open, before he became aware of his expression, snapping it shut. Then he cleared his throat. “Um.” To be honest, he didn’t know. Was it a date? Well, maybe he lowkey wanted it to be but did Rin want it to be? By the looks of it, she didn’t seem very… impressed by the idea. “It’s, uh… whatever you want it to be, Rin.”

She blinked, eyes falling on him, then dropping back down to her knees. “Oh.”

Was that the right answer? Had he just made her uncomfortable? Had he just ruined her entire birthday?

He was too afraid to ask.

They sat in awkward silence, until the sky outside started to turn various shades of orange, and people began swarming the windows to watch the sunset.

Rin was kind of peering over, as if torn between getting up from the chair or staying seated.

“You want to go look?” Len asked, giving her a smile to try and ease the uncomfortable air between them.

She hesitated, the corners of her lips twitching. “I won’t even be able to see over everyone.”

He, with the intelligence of a mitochondria, said, “Well, I can just hold you up.”

Rin snorted. “Are you sure you can do that?”

He blew a raspberry, faking confidence. “Uh, yeah, sure I can.”

“Okay then, Mr Buff Arms. Prove it to me.”

She got up from her seat with a shit-eating grin, and he scrambled after her, crossing the floor in direction of one of the busiest windows. The reason why the crowds were gathering at that particular spot was not just because of the sunset, but because of the fact that you could see a beautifully clear silhouette of Mt Fuji in the distance.

He hadn’t even realised that; it was hiding behind the clouds before.

Len gestured for her to climb onto his back.

“Are you sure?” Rin looked uncertain, eyeing him like a venomous snake. “I’m like, almost the same weight as you, Len.”

“So?” he bluffed.

She stood there staring, before giving in with the roll of her eyes. “Don’t cry if I break something.”

Then she wrapped her arms around his neck, hiking one leg up his side, and he hooked his arms under her thighs to hoist her up. She was right. She was heavy. But he was willing to be crushed under the weight of her for her to have a nice birthday.

“Hold on to me,” she ordered, arms unlatching from his neck. “I want to take some pictures.”

Len gave a grunt as a reply. It was the best he could do.

After a while (probably like, two minutes or so), he felt like he was going to burst a blood vessel somewhere in his body, so he wheezed out, “Rin. Are you done? I gotta let you down now.”

“Oh, yeah. You can let me down.”

He released his grip on her legs and she dropped back down into standing position behind him. Grabbing his lower back in pain, he turned to her looking like a crippled old man.

Rin laughed in his face. “Feeling sorry for yourself now, huh? I told you.”

He waved his hand, straightening up with a groan. “Yeah, yeah. Did you get any nice pictures?”

“Hmm. Let’s see.” She looked at her phone, then moved in close to show him her screen. “They’re not too bad, besides the dozens of heads in the foreground.”

It was strange, oddly disproportionate, the way Mt Fuji loomed over the busy streets of Tokyo. The sky was a beautiful array of golds and oranges and yellows; a perfect sunset for a perfect birthday.

“They’re nice,” he said. He glanced up from her phone to look at her, becoming aware of their distance, and aware of her ogling up at him. The golden light coming through the windows lit up her face, brought out the highlights of her hair, accentuated the freckles on her cheeks. 

Wow, he thought, his breath getting caught in his throat. He was utterly in love with her.

Much to his surprise, Rin’s face seemed to be moving closer. And so was he, his body unconsciously moving forward, down to her like drawn to a magnet. 

Her eyes fluttered closed, head tilting. 

Their lips were about an inch away from touching when a child right beside them started screaming. Immediately, Len was drawn out of his strange daze, jumping away from Rin. She seemed to do the same thing, putting at least a metre space between them.

Her face was bright red, and she forced her fingers back through her hair with a nervous laugh. “You know, we should get going before everyone else gets the same idea,” she said, acting as if nothing ever happened.

Len blinked, unsure if he’d just imagined what happened thirty seconds prior, or if he was really just about to kiss his best friend in front of thirty or so strangers. He decided not to think about it. “Right. That’s a good idea.”

So they headed for the elevators and made a quick escape before the crowds followed. His head was still spinning as they walked down the footpath back towards the entrance to the underground walkway. The sky was now fading to a deep blue; bare remnants of the day clinging in streaks of orange above their heads.

Rin tugged on his sleeve, pointing a finger at something across the intersection they stood. “Hey. I want to check that out.”

It was a park—Shinjuku Chuo Park, to be exact. He’d seen it on the map when researching where to go with her, didn’t think much of it. There was a waterfall display and some flowerbeds, people lurking about. There were winding paths and a handful of trees lining them, a maze within the middle of the city.

He shrugged his shoulders.

It wasn’t like he was in a hurry or anything. They had time, still, to go for dinner, if Rin was keen on it. She seemed awfully pensive compared to before, though, as they crossed the road and made their way over to the park.

He wondered if he’d said or done something wrong. Or… if what had happened between them with the whole phone-and-faces-getting-close-like-they-were-going-to-kiss-or-something had like, offended her.

They strolled down the winding path of the park in silence. There was a playground, some monuments, and finally, a shrine.

Rin slowed to a stop, staring at the shrine. He halted beside her.

“You want to pray?” Len asked.

She was quiet, before shaking her head. “No. It’s alright.” She glanced up at him, a small smile. “I was thinking, let’s go sit down somewhere.”

He obeyed, and they set off again, finding a lone seat along the footpath nearby. There were still a few people out and about, but it was relatively quiet. It had long turned to night, the cityscape surrounding them lighting up like tetris blocks. 

Their shoulders bumped, and Rin eased herself against him, before bringing her head down to rest on his shoulder.

His heart hummed to life in his chest, but he tried to ignore it.

“This is really nice,” she said, her voice soft. “This was a really nice day, Len.”

After a moment of hesitation, he lowered his cheek against the top of her hair, taking in the familiar scent of her favourite shampoo. A hint of something floral, a hint of something citrus—and a hit of something Rin.

He hummed. “I’m glad.”

Rin was silent for a passing moment, before she spoke again. “Do you know what would make it even better?”

Len’s stomach growled. “Gusto?” he half-joked.

“No.” She pulled her head away to look at him, and the cool night air hit his cheek like a slap to the face. He stared back down at her, captured by her gaze.

It was happening again. The whole moving-in-close thing, that was. Her face was getting bigger, and he could feel her hot breath tickling the tip of his nose. His head ducked down to close the gap between them, catching her wet mouth with his own so suddenly that he pulled away, shocked at the boldness of his actions.

Rin didn’t seem to care, though. Her hand went up to the back of his head and pulled him back down to her lips. It was sloppy, kind of gross, but they didn’t care. It was their first time. It wasn’t supposed to be perfect.

She kept him in place, balling up the fabric of his t-shirt with her fists. He allowed himself to melt into the kiss, hands trailing down to hold her by the waist. He wasn’t expecting the day to really end with them sitting in the middle of a park in Shinjuku making out, but he wasn’t mad by the outcome, either.

When they pulled away to breathe, Rin smiled something nervous, her lips glistening under the glow of the city lights. Her hands unravelled themselves from his shirt. 

“Better,” she said.

Len was stunned silent, just stared at her. He wasn’t sure if what happened had just happened. So he went back in for another kiss; this time a little bit more tender, less wet. 

“So Gumi and Miku were right,” he thought aloud against her mouth.

Rin pulled back a bit to give him this horrified look. “What did they tell you.” It wasn’t even posed as a question. She’d already made the assumption they’d told him something awful.

He chuckled nervously. “Well, uh, I tried asking their opinion what to do for your birthday…”

She raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“They straight up told me to ask you out.”

Her eyes narrowed into slits. “Those bitches.”

His lips curled. “Well, I mean. It helped. Somewhat.”

“Yeah.” She frowned, reaching up to curl a strand of her hair around a finger. “I can’t believe they just—so blatantly did that, though. Even after I begged them not to say anything.”

She begged them? Wow. “I thought they were joking up until five minutes ago, Rin. You know I don’t take anything they say seriously.”

Rin sighed. “Yeah, but—” She paused, thinking, before tossing her shoulders. “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore anyway. I just want to know, Len— is this a date?”

Len pressed his forehead against hers. Gazed into her eyes. They were a dark blue; alluring, always drawing him in, keeping him in orbit around her like a planet to its star. He admitted, “Not my original intention, no, but I think the simp in me was projecting a bit much that it ended up being one anyway.”

She cracked a grin. “Simp, huh,” she said. She lifted a hand to his jaw, trailed her fingers along it until her palm was resting on the back of his head. He wanted to shudder into her touch. “Well, kiss me more. I’m not done making the most of my birthday privileges yet.”

He opened his mouth. “I can kiss you like this every day if you wan—”

She silenced him with her lips, closing the space between them once again.

.

[epilogue]

The following weekend, Len knocked on Kaito’s door with a week’s worth of his favourite lemonade-flavoured popsicles in one hand.

Kaito’s eyebrows shot up into the ceiling upon spotting the bag of goodies. “What’s this?” he asked.

“A thank you gift,” Len said, handing it over.

“Huh.” Kaito took them, a confused expression on his face. “What for?”

“Your idea about the date? It worked. Rin and I are a thing now.”

A lengthy silence followed.

“You mean… you two weren’t dating before?”

[sparrellow]

Like A Brother

“I mean, I didn’t even see it on you, though.”

Lingerie shopping, being brotherzoned, and failing to confess three times—these were Len's woes.

rating: T genre: romance/humour/fluff ships: rin/len words:  5,684

Len:

hey

kaito

what’s the best way to ask someone out

  Kaito:

What’s this all of a sudden

  Len:

you’re not kaito

  Kaito:

Correct

  Len:

meiko 

answer my question

it still stands

  Kaito:

Bold assumption

But you’re right

Anyway

Just ask her out

  Len:

I didn’t say it was a her

and that advice sucks

  Kaito:

Well, it’s straightforward and the easiest way to ask someone out

Idk what kind of advice you were expecting

  Len:

advice from kaito

anyway I’m done

bye

. 

It was indeed terrible advice. Len spent the entire day trying to hypothesize a plan of attack, to just ask someone out as blatantly as Meiko put it, and perhaps that was the normal way of asking someone out, but this someone who was to be asked out was not normal.  

His head hurt. 

Rin held up a hand in front of his face and fluttered her fingers in an attempt to draw him back from his inner turmoil. “Earth to Len,” she sang, and when he blinked several times, she gave a winning smile. “Good, you’re back.”

She then proceeded to hold up a bra-and-panty set, and it occurred to him that he’d not registered walking into ye ole tutuanna moments earlier. He’d walked himself into this disaster.

“Is this too much?” she asked, gesturing to the everything of the lingerie. It was cute, and it was frilly, and it was a great effort not to let his mind flirt with the image of her wearing said outfit.

Len swallowed hard, trying to muster up some sort of appropriate answer. “No,” he squeaked.

Rin looked at his face, then back to the set, then back to his face. “It is too much, isn’t it,” she said, placing it back on the rack and moving on to another set that caught her eye.

Damn it.

He stumbled after her, training his eyes to the back of her head. He was aware he did not belong in such a store.

Normally, Len would steer clear of tutuanna, knowing full well the repercussions of him waltzing into the store after Rin. But he had only two brain cells, and both were offline after that unfortunate brief conversation with Meiko earlier.

Just ask her out.

Right, yes. Just ask her out. Right now, in the middle of a lingerie store. That would be awfully romantic.

Rin stopped and turned back to him sharply, holding up another set for his opinion. He almost walked into it, but managed to stop and take a calculated step backwards.

“What about this one?” she asked, using her free hand to play with the lace sewn around the perimeter of the bra. It was pretty and yellow, and much more soft.

Len wanted to say, Yes, that would look so beautiful on you like holy shit man do you want to go out I mean what I mean yes that’s totally what I meant please date me you goddess. But instead, he said, “Er, shouldn’t you be dragging Miku into this store for opinions, rather than me?”

Rin lowered her hands and gave him this look. “You didn’t have to come in here if you didn’t want to. I was just asking a second pair of eyes.”

He flushed. Okay, yes, she had a point. But still. “It looks nice,” he said, deciding to steer away from a potentially awkward conversation in-the-making.

She, thankfully, dropped the subject, and turned back to the set. “It is really nice,” she agreed, pouting her lips in thought. “You don’t think it would wash me out too much?”

What, was she going to walk around in this on the street or something? It was underwear, and it concerned him she cared so much about something like that. Did she have a secret boyfriend? Or a girlfriend? Or both? Or a sugar daddy? Oh no.

Len kept those concerns to himself, though. “No. It’ll match the colour of your hair and contrast with your eyes.”

Rin seemed pleased with his answer, and reached over to tap his arm. “Well, you sold me.”

It was… basic art theory he was drawing his knowledge from, but sure.

She turned away to find her size and then disappeared off to the dressing room to do the fitting. Len took it as his chance to skulk out of the store and free himself of his misery.

Of course, he was still freaking out about why Rin was buying underwear. Like, yeah, okay, buying normal underwear was fine, but this was fancy underwear. This was the kind of underwear girls bought to show their lovers. Or their customers.

He wiped away a bead of sweat. This was not going well.

About fifteen minutes later, Rin came skipping out of the store with a shopping bag tucked under her arm. “You were right,” she said. “Even the assistant in the fitting rooms said the colours suit me.”

Who would have known.

Len, unable to Be A Better Person, smiled slightly and cleared his throat. He fell into step beside her as they set off down the hall of the mall. “So, uh,” he said. Rin turned to look at him, smiling. “Why are you buying such pretty, uh, underwear, when it’s just… underwear?”

She tilted her head. “What do you mean?”

“Uh,” he stuttered. “You know… like. Is there a reason? A special event or something?”

She stared at him cluelessly a few moments more, before blinking a couple of times, realisation dawning on her features. “Oh. You mean, like, am I buying this for someone else?”

Len swallowed. “Uh, well, not specifically, but just… you know.” He gave up.

Rin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I mean, girls can buy cute underwear for themselves, Len. Sometimes it just feels nice to have something cute.”

“Right.” This was awkward. He was an idiot.

She continued, “But, I mean, I guess I’m buying this for someone else too. Potentially. In the future. When I’m dating someone.”

He tried his best not to look too relieved at her answer. “R-right.”

“Besides, it’s good to get a guy’s opinion, too. Like, my opinion and Miku’s opinion are well and all, but your opinion is just as great because… that way I know a guy also likes it. I guess I won’t feel as nervous if I do wear it for… when I’m dating someone.”

Len nodded, although it was a little like Rin had chipped away at his heart with her words. He then said something completely and utterly stupid, that ruined the moment entirely (not that there was a moment, or anything, because there definitely wasn’t).

“I mean, I didn’t even see it on you, though.”

Rin’s whole body manoeuvred to face him like she was possessed by something otherworldly, and she looked at him with wide eyes, kind of shocked.

He spluttered something to cover his mistake. “Uh—that came out wrong—I mean, like, I didn’t—I don’t know what it looked like on you—so I don’t—I uh, um—” He just decided to leave it there. He was making it worse, if anything.

She was silent for a moment, before her hand slapped his shoulder. “You perv,” she said with a teasing grin. “It’s alright. I get what you mean. You do have a point, but… don’t think you’ll get to see this on me, though.”

Oof. Like, major oof.

Len laughed, or, well, fake-laughed given the situation he was in, and just said, “Right. I wasn’t intending on that.” He wanted to eat his own foot.

Rin looked smug. “Good.”

Sometimes, he was very worried Rin knew—she knew somehow he was, like, a bitch for her. Miku had reassured him she was completely oblivious, but still, when she said stuff like this, it was sort of like she was purposely jumping up and down on top of his metaphorical heart.

She then linked her arm with his, and proceeded to drag him into WEGO.

.

“You just have to do it,” Kaito said, when Len crawled his sorry ass over to him during Music Club on Monday. Rin was running late to their club meeting—she had a Science Club thing, and, god that girl was crazy enough to try balance two clubs at once—so Len told everyone about his woes.

Well, not everyone, but the people who cared.

“I can’t,” Len protested. “She has made it very obvious on several occasions she has never, ever considered dating me, let alone will consider.”

“So? The worst she could do is reject you,” Meiko pointed out, leaning back in her seat and folding her arms over her chest. 

“It could also permanently damage our friendship,” Len said.

Kaito shook his head. “Rin doesn’t seem like the kind of person to do that.”

Sitting over in the corner, Miku said from behind her hand mirror, “She’s adamant Len is like a brother to her, so I’m afraid I’m going to have to agree with Len on this one.”

“Miku,” Kaito said in an exasperated tone. “You’re supposed to be on our side.”

She looked at him over her hand mirror, fixing her lip balm with a finger. “I don’t take sides.”

The pair were staring each other down across the room when Rin waltzed in, her hands full of books. She stopped when she noticed the sour atmosphere. “What did I miss?”

“Rin,” Kaito said as a greeting. “I have a question.”

She gave him an uncertain look as she walked over to a desk and dumped her armful down. “You’re not kicking me out of the club because I’m late every Monday, are you?”

Everyone looked at each other, as if the assumption was as absurd as it was fair.

Kaito blinked. “No.”

Rin took a seat between Len and Miku. “Okay. Shoot.”

“On a scale of zero to 10, zero being not at all like a brother and ten being the brotheriest brother a non-brother can be, where does Len sit with you?”

She frowned in confusion and shot a questioning glance at both Len and Miku, who actively avoided her gaze. “Why… what sort of discussion preceded this?”

“Answer the question.”

Rin touched her hair, mulling over her answer. “Like, I would say a nine,” she said.

“See? I told you,” Miku piped up.

“What is the context for this?” Rin asked.

“It doesn’t matter,” Kaito said. “We’re done now. Thank you for answering the question.”

When Rin wasn’t looking, Kaito shot Len a very apologetic look. Len just gave him a very sad shrug.

.

Miku:

You know, she’s not going to budge on the brother thing.

  Kaito:

it’s just so cruel

  Meiko:

Is she into incest?

  Len:

I don’t think I could handle her referring to me as a brother while we fornicated, meiko 

  Meiko:

It’s a thought.

  Miku:

Len has a valid point. And no, she isn’t.

  Kaito:

look I gotta say I’m not with you, Meiko

  Meiko:

I’m just trying to help, okay? Len isn’t even being friendzoned. He’s being brotherzoned.

  Kaito:

maybe you should just tell her you don’t see her as a sister, Len

  Len:

she’ll assume I’m ending our friendship if I do that

 Kaito: 

so then yoU TELL HER YOU WANT TO KISS HER

  Miku:

Ok. All of you are useless. I’ll try talking to Rin.

  Len:

I am concerned but I have faith you won’t turn this into a dumpster fire

  Miku:

I’m honoured you trust me so much, but I can’t ensure my contribution to this dilemma will promise any sort of positive outcome.

  Kaito:

Miku is scary

  Len:

that is… relieving to hear. somewhat. thank you

.

Rin walked into class the following day with a worried expression on her face. She parked herself next to Len’s desk, and waited for him to rise from his daily 10-minute-morning-nap.

He squinted at her a moment before rubbing his eyes and stifling a yawn. “Morning. Can I help you, Rin?”

She frowned and pulled up a chair to his desk, leaning in close as if about to engage in some secret conversation. “Good morning. I just wanted to ask you something.”

There was that split moment of panic where Len thought Miku had dropped the bomb and told her everything, but made better judgment of the situation: she wouldn’t be so calm if such a thing happened. 

He quirked an eyebrow. “What’s up?”

“Miku told me not to call you, like, my brother or whatever,” Rin said, scowling at her words. She was sort of angry; he could tell by the way she was twisting a strand of hair, almost yanking it out of her scalp. Ouch. “She said it was weird and sort of like… offensive, apparently? And like you probably don’t really like it?”

Len cleared his throat. Well, Miku was right, but he didn’t know whether he wanted to admit the truth. “Uh…” he said, glancing around the room for help. No Miku, Kaito nor Meiko were in sight. Hmm. “It’s not that I don’t like it… it’s just that… it makes me feel a little uncomfortable.”

A lot. A lot uncomfortable.

Rin’s mouth twitched. “Why?”

“Because I’m not your brother,” he said.

“Well,” she said, twisting and twisting and twisting her hair. “It’s just that… we’re really close and we’ve practically grown up together. So I just see you as a brother figure. Is that bad?”

Len swallowed. “Uh, not exactly, but um, I…” he trailed off, averting his gaze to the floor. He was floundering around, trying to think of saying anything but the fact that he was a big fluffy pile of goop for her. It was proving very difficult with his two brain cells. “I just… I don’t see you as a sister. I see you as my friend. A very, very good friend. A super close friend.”

Rin stared at him a moment, before squeaking, “Alright.”

He immediately had a rush of guilt. It was clearly not alright. He reached out to pull her hand from her hair before she twisted herself bald, and she gave him this look of surprise, like he wasn’t allowed to touch her. 

“Um,” he said. “I mean, I’m not… mad at you for seeing me as a brother. You can… keep seeing that if you really want to. I, uh, can’t stop you, I guess.”

Rin’s eyelids fluttered as she looked away. “Right. Yeah. It’s just awkward because it’s not like, mutual, or whatever.”

Now you know how I feel.

Len scratched at his head, groaning inwardly. He’d walked himself into a corner. His discomfort with making Rin feel bad made everything backfire miserably, and now he wanted to kick himself. 

“I mean, I consider you one of my closest friends, and I would tell you anything. Just because I don’t see you as a, uh, relative, it doesn’t mean you’re any less significant and important to me than I am to you.”

She sighed. “I guess you have a point. I’m just being stupid.”

He shook his head. “You’re not.”

Rin shrugged her shoulders and looked like she wanted to disagree, but said no more. A few seconds passed in silence, before she stood from her chair and started to drag it back to its home.

At that moment, Len acted on impulse and stupidity. His hand reached out to hers and grabbed it, prompting her to turn back to look at him with raised eyebrows.

“Um,” he spluttered. “I like you.”

Rin blinked. “What?”

“I like you,” he repeated. “As a friend, I mean.” That last part was not supposed to be said.

She gave him a weird expression. “Uh, thanks? I like you too, Len.”

Not trusting his mouth to say anything useful, Len just smiled and nodded. Inside, he wanted to die.

Once Rin walked off, he put his head in his hands and let out the world’s biggest sigh.

.

“So you told her you like her as a friend, huh,” Miku said, appearing from some crack in the hallway on the way to fifth period.

Len squawked, before the reminder of that morning’s shenanigans hit him like a blow to the mouth. “It—I—uhhhh—”

Miku just snickered at him, and he gave a sullen look. She let it drop, clearing her throat. “Sorry. I just had to keep that in when Rin told me. She was so, so innocently confused.”

“I’m honestly suffering,” Len said.

“We know.” She shot him a sympathetic expression. 

He hugged his textbooks close to his chest and burrowed his chin into them, looking like a lovelorn 12-year-old. “So. What do we do next?”

Miku winced. “I don’t know,” she said. “At this stage, I think she’s becoming… a little suspicious. Everyone’s been acting kind of weird. So have you. I mean, I like you as a friend isn’t something you just blurt out like a confession.”

Len’s cheeks burned. “Yeah, well, I’m a fool, but even I know that.”

She reached out, placing a hand on his shoulder with a serious look. They had stopped in the middle of the hallway. “Maybe you’re just going to have to confess to her.”

He almost cried. “Oh no. Not you too.”

“I’m sorry, Len,” Miku said. “But I think, if you want this to get anywhere, you’re going to have to just… go all in.”

Len groaned up to the ceiling, shook off her hand and turned away to continue on down the hallway. “I’m giving up already,” he said over his shoulder at her, before walking off to class.

She didn’t bother pursuing.

.

Rin:

len what answer did you get for q. 76 on today’s math homework

  Len:

42

  Rin:

kool. thanx.

  Len:

np

also rin

I have a question

  Rin:

what’s up bro

  Len:

actually nvm I forgot

I’ll ask you tomorrow

  Rin:

??

ok

.

Len almost flushed his phone down the toilet. “What’s up bro,” he grumbled into his hands. “Why did she—ugh.”

He rolled over in his bed and switched off his lamp.

.

Rin knocked on his desk, shaking him from his nap. He lifted his head, and almost put it back down again when he saw her hand planted on the top of his desk.

“Good morning sunshine,” she said. She was snickering about something. Her hand gestured to the side of her face. “You’ve got a bit of, uh… crusty saliva on your cheek.”

Len frowned, reaching up to rub it off. “Why are you here so early?” he asked, glancing at the clock on the wall behind her. It was barely even eight. She usually breezed through the classroom doors around 8:15.

She stole the desk chair from in front of him, sitting on it backwards to face him. “You left me hanging last night. I was dying to know what question you wanted to ask.” When he gave her a blank look, she rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me you still don’t remember?”

He scratched at his chin. Of course he remembered. He never forgot in the first place. “Er, yeah, that’s right. My question.”

Rin leaned forward in the chair, cupping her face in her hands. “So… question. What was it?”

“Um.” Was he really going to do this? In the homeroom classroom at 7:54 in the morning, while a good chunk of his brain was still in standby mode? Well. Yeah. He was, apparently. He coughed into his fist and licked his lips. “Right, uh, so… I really—”

“Rin! ” The two of them jumped in their seats, startled. “Oh, you’re just the person I need right now.” The voice of a classmate interrupted before he could even get his question out. A flustered Luka Megurine came running over. “Gumi blew up the science classroom again, can you come and help us clean up?”

Even Rin looked somewhat annoyed, but plastered a complacent smile on her lips. “Um, yeah, sure.” Before she could get another word out, Luka already had her by the wrist, dragging her out of the classroom.

Rin glanced back at him apologetically and mouthed the word ‘sorry’ .

Len wanted to flip his desk. Was the universe against him doing this? Trying to protect his fragile heart? Did he have to jump through hoops to get a simple confession out?

Instead of wreaking havoc on his surroundings, he just settled for letting his head drop to the desk with a loud thud.

.

Kaito:

any luck son

  Len:

rin/len is the world’s notp

  Miku:

RIP

.

Rin didn’t seem to follow up on their morning conversation at lunch. Either she had forgotten, or she had just given up on asking about it.

That was fine.

(Was it? Was it really? )

It was yet again another Monday afternoon, so Music club began without her presence. Thus, his friends’ minds were running wild.

“Okay, so, we all get up and leave the room,” Miku was saying. “Like, Oh sorry Rin we just remembered we ALL forgot to hand in our term paper or something stupid like that. I don’t even care. But Len just stays sitting. So it’s only the two of them in the room.”

Len had his head down, massaging his temples. He didn’t even want to be there anymore.

“And then he gets down on one knee like he’s proposing,” Kaito interjected. “And he confesses.”

“I’m not getting down on one knee. That would just be stupid. She’d probably kick me in the face.”

“Isn’t that what you want, Len?”

Len shot a glare at Kaito, who was sniggering to himself in the corner. 

“Or maybe—” Miku’s face lit up, like she had a brilliant idea. “Maybe we can all get ready with our instruments, and start playing a romantic song when she walks in, and Len can serenade her.”

“Miku, you and I both know too well the fact that Rin would freak out and probably sock me if we pulled something like that,” Len said. 

Her shoulders sagged. “Yeah. You’re right.”

He sat back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair. “Besides,” he said, “do we even know if she likes someone? Is there any chance of her liking me? It’s just not worth all the trouble of us doing something big like that if she’s only going to turn me down. I’d rather just experience that in private.”

Miku, Meiko and Kaito all exchanged glances. “Well,” Miku said, twisting a ponytail in her hands. “She has admitted, like, once that she likes someone. But no one knows who, of course. That girl holds secrets like they’re her lifeline.”

“That doesn’t mean anything, though.”

“Yeah, but—” 

The argument stopped there as the classroom door opened and Rin came running in, almost crashing into Miku, who was standing in front of the doorway.

Everyone looked at her, and she stared back. Her fists curled. “Seriously guys, why do you keep giving me strange looks whenever I come in here?”

“No reason,” Miku said, albeit suspicious. She then pretended—with the worst acting ever—to be surprised. She gasped and held up her hands to her face. “Oh no! I forgot to hand in my Biology paper. I’ll see you later.”

She skated around Rin and disappeared out the door.

Len retained face-palming and looked to Meiko and Kaito expectantly, who were looking at each other, having a secret mental conversation. 

You go next. No, you go next. Whatever, I’ll go fucking next.

“Oh no,” Kaito said, standing up with the most deadpan expression ever. “I have a tummy ache.” He ran out of the room.

Rin blinked, opening her mouth to say something, but Meiko swooped in with, “Oh no, I don’t want to be here.”

She then walked out.

Only Len remained, glued to his chair, staring at the carpet as he registered what just happened.

“Uh,” Rin said, her knees walking into his line of vision. “What’s going on? Why did everyone just leave? Are you guys pulling a prank on me or something?”

Len lifted his head with a sigh. “It’s not a prank.”

She frowned, before taking a seat beside him. “ Okay, well… What’s wrong?”

He really didn’t want to do this. At all. But there he was, alone, in a room with Rin. His friends would probably never let him live it down if he walked out of the room without something to say. He didn’t have a choice to back out of this situation at this stage.

“Well,” Len said, averting his gaze to the window so he wouldn’t have to look at her face. “You like someone, right? Miku said you like someone.”

Rin blinked at him, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes dropped to her knees. “Oh. Er, yeah. I do.” A beat of silence passed, before she asked, “Does this have to do with that question you’ve been meaning to ask?”

He cleared his throat. “Yeah. I guess.”

“Ah.”

He didn’t like the hear of that. But he didn’t look at her, still. “Who is it?”

Rin was quiet, before she laughed nervously. “You… are you serious? You can’t just outright ask me a question like that, Len.”

Len finally forced himself to look at her. She was fidgeting with her hands in her lap, the tips of her ears red. “I’m serious,” he said. “And I can ask you a question like that. So—who? ”

She gaped, before her eyes narrowed. “You first.”

Len opened his mouth. “Huh. ”

Rin nudged his shoulder with her fist, her lips twisting, like she was suppressing a smile. “I’ll tell you who if you tell me who you like, first.”

“Oh.” His cheeks grew warm. She was chewing on her bottom lip, jiggling her legs in her seat. Her look was somewhat of triumph, like she knew he wouldn’t agree to it. But it didn’t matter. He had already planned to tell her, anyway.

“I like you,” he said simply.

Rin’s legs stopped jiggling. She raised an eyebrow. Lips parted, like she was about to pose a question.

He beat her to it. “I like you,” he repeated. His face was burning. On fire, actually. “Not as a friend. Or a sister. Not like that. It’s more than that.”

She just stared at him. Eventually, she just said a very tiny, “Oh.”

So that was that.

That was it. He confessed. Nothing happened.

Cool. Cool. Cool.

Len wanted to cry a little, but he forced a nonchalant expression as he asked, “So, what about you?”

Rin just sat there, frozen for a while. It was like her brain was connected to shitty internet and she was buffering. Eventually, her shoulders began to shake, and a hand went to her mouth.

He couldn’t believe his eyes.

She was… laughing.

She was… laughing?

He gawked at her, confused. Just—what? She wiped at tears in her eyes and lowered her hand, before saying, “I’m such an idiot.”

Len mumbled, “Huh.”

Rin reached up to smooth down her bangs, fixing her hair, scratching at a spot on her temple. Her lips twitched up into a smile. “I’ve been such an idiot. You—you’re dead obvious, and yet I’ve been…” She shook her head. “You’ve been trying to—everyone’s been trying to—but I’ve just been—”

She was thinking aloud, dropping the ends of her sentences and leaving him hanging, snickering and eyes flitting about the room. He didn’t know how to feel—mortified? Afraid? Concerned? Was she having a mental breakdown? Had he broken Rin?

“Um…” he tried, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“Dragging you into an underwear store—no wonder you looked like you wanted the ground to swallow you up,” she continued, now directing her gaze to him. “The whole Miku thing, don’t call Len your brother, it’s kind of mean. Yeah. I get it now.”

Len was on the battlefield, and Rin was driving the sword deeper into his wound. Okay, yeah, we get it, he wanted to say. So, like, can we move on from you stomping on my heart metaphorically, or…

She took a breath, finding a sense of calm in amongst her hysteria. Her fists curled in her lap, bunching up the fabric of her skirt. His eyes went to the skin of her thighs, before they bounced back up to her face, mentally cursing now is not the time, you horny bastard.

“I’m sorry,” she said, genuine. His heart sank in his chest. Here comes the rejection. “I’ve been such a fool, Len.”

He reached up to adjust his collar, too tight around his neck as he swallowed. “Yeah, so, um, anyway, now that that’s over with—”

For the upteenth time, Rin interrupted him. This time, it wasn’t with words. She just launched herself out of her chair and planted her mouth on his.

Len yelped, shocked by the sudden movement, but melted soon thereafter as he registered her warm lips moving against his own. Her hands were on either side of him, gripping to the back of the chair. Her leg lifted as she leaned in to him, knee resting on the seat of the chair in the space between his legs.

His eyes fluttered closed, and his hand reached up to the back of her head, pushing her closer. His other hand went to her waist, pulling her forward onto his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck, mouth parting to let her wet tongue run against his bottom lip.

He let her in, and couldn’t help a moan escape from his throat.

Rin chuckled into his mouth—he could feel her smile. A hand went to his chest, trailing down to his stomach, and kept edging further down… 

Oh boy.

Len pulled away for a breather, stopping her hand before it could wander anywhere else. They were still in the music room. Making out. He was not about to get to third base with her in a classroom.

She was red down to her neck, lips glistening wet and swollen. Her breath was hot and fanned his cheeks.

“What,” he said to her, still utterly confused about what had just happened.

Rin pressed her forehead against his. “You know, I was only kidding when I said you wouldn’t get to see it on me.”

It was like his head had been stuffed full of cotton buds. Her voice was muffled. He was dazed. “See what on you,” he mumbled, not quite catching on.

“The lingerie,” she said with a laugh. “If you’d asked, I wouldn’t have said no.”

His face was warm. His lips tingled. “Oh. Oh.”

“I thought you just weren’t interested. In me, I mean.” Her hands moved to his shoulders, her mouth getting closer to his once more. 

“What about the whole brother thing,” he blurted. She pulled away, surprised. The mood died a little. He licked his lips, craving more. “You know… uh. You made it seem like you really weren’t… into me, with that.”

Rin looked away. “Um… well. It sounds weird. Gross, actually. You know. I just… had it in my head we weren’t going to get any closer. That you just wanted to stay friends. But I… wanted to be more than friends. I guess, the brother thing was all me trying to… make us more than friends. Even if it was in the complete opposite direction I wanted to go with our relationship.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh. Yeah, that’s very weird, Rin.”

She slapped a hand against his chest, embarrassed. “Shut up. I was desperate. Really desperate. I just wanted to feel closer to you.”

Len couldn’t help but smile at her words. It was cute. Albeit strange. And gross. 

“Anyway,” Rin said. Her face was closing in again. “Since no one else is here, wanna skip club and come to mine?”

Wow. She was really. She wasn’t even holding back just a bit.

Len nodded. Of course he did. It would be crazy if he didn't. Why did she even ask. He was basically her bitch. 

She kissed him on the mouth again, and he let himself melt into her embrace.

Well, that went a whole lot better than expected.

.

fin

.

Len was sitting on her bed later that afternoon, shooting some texts off to Kaito, Miku and Meiko to let them know: mission accomplished ;). He then turned off his data, knowing too well they’d spend the rest of the evening blowing up his phone, and—well.

He had better things to attend to.

Rin padded into her room with a tray, balancing two glasses of orange juice and a bowl of assorted snacks. She kicked her door closed behind her and set them aside on her desk.

“So everyone knows about your crush, huh,” she said, leaning against the wall to yank her socks off.

Len watched shamelessly as she lifted her leg, catching a glimpse of the short-shorts she had on underneath.

God damn it, Rin.

“I was on my knees trying to figure you out,” he said. “Like, of course I confided in them—you were taking me into lingerie stores and then calling me your brother.”

Rin grinned, tossing her socks into the corner and walking over to sit next to him on the bed. “Look, I get it. I’m all over the place—I know. I’d probably do the same if I were you.”

Len rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Rin. I was adamant you had no interest in me.”

“Well, you’re wrong.” She reached up to start unbuttoning her shirt. “I’m very interested in you.”

He watched her, the skin on his face turning a dark shade of read. “What are you—what are you doing?”

“You want to see it, right?”

“Want to see what?” Your boobs?

Rin stopped to give him this look, but then continued. He caught a glimpse of a familiar material, peaking through. Oh. “The lingerie, you half-baked cookie.”

Len swallowed, trying to keep his cool. “Of course I do.”

She shouldered off her shirt. His eyes went as wide as saucers. 

[sparrellow]

i can be ur angle or yuor devil

[sparrellow]

What the Heart Wants

“Don’t break my heart again, Rin Kagamine.”

— childhood friends, and the art of growing up.

rating: T genre: romance/hurt/comfort/angst ships: rin/len, a sprinkle of miku/kaito words:  3,357

Rin was not much of a party-goer. She preferred the comfort of the couch and TV in her living room, watching sad love stories and stuffing her face with Happy Turn rice crackers. At least there, she could hear her own thoughts.

But Miku was having a party. A special party. A reunion party, of sorts. And as much as she didn’t want to go, she felt obliged to for the sake of their friendship.

So there she was, standing in the corner of the room, hiding behind a glass of lemon chu-hai. It was busy, full of familiar faces she didn’t want to see. She hadn’t even really thought much about what kind of situation she’d landed herself in until a certain blonde boy—man, he’s a man, Rin—came striding into the room like a celebrity guest-appearance on a TV show.

His smile was dazzling, and enough to turn her world upside-down.

Immediately she made a mad dash for Miku, who was standing on the other side of the room, making small talk with some of her guests. Rin ducked behind her like a shield, praying she hadn’t just caught You Know Who’s attention.

“Rin, what are you doing?” Miku asked with a frown, glancing over her shoulder at her.

Rin shushed her. “I’m hiding,” she said.

“Hiding from who?”

“Him.” She hoped she wouldn’t have to drop anymore hints to give away who she was talking about.

Miku gave her a clueless look, before scanning the room. Her gaze fell on Him, the man, and her eyebrows shot up. “Seriously?” she asked, rolling her eyes. “You’re still not over Len?”

Rin puffed out her cheeks. “It’s not that, I’m—”

“Rin,” Miku said, turning to face her. She grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her lightly. “You know, maybe it’s time you adult up and take initiative. You can’t run away from him forever. And I’m not going to be your bodyguard at my party.” Her tone was firm, unsaid words heard between the lines: And that’s final.

With that, Miku whipped around and strolled off to greet said person.

Rin ducked back behind a pot plant nearby, her heart racing. Easier said than done, she thought with a frown. It was maybe childish of her, in retrospect—but she hadn’t grown up still, even after all these years.

They were childhood friends, after all, and that part of her life was filled with fond memories of him; the kind that spread through her chest with a warm, bubbling sensation. But childhood was long gone, and they’d long grown apart, and Len had changed in more ways than one.

He wasn’t that scrawny little kid anymore.

Rin stared down into her glass, watching as bubbles rose from the bottom, one by one.

It wasn’t always all sunshine and roses. When they’d grown up enough, enough for her to finally realise that oh no, I might kind of like him , that was when their relationship slowly began to change. Like the Earth orbiting the Sun—they were stuck in a gravitational pull, sometimes close, sometimes far, going around in circles. He fell in love with another girl, and that was when she thought:

I can’t do this. I can’t do this anymore.

How it’d hurt her to cut him off and build a wall between them, how it’d tore her apart—how it’d tore him apart. There was this knot of guilt in the pit of her stomach. A knot of guilt as he had grabbed her hand one afternoon and asked, Why? Why have you been so distant?

Rin had never given him an answer.

They hadn’t talked since. It’d been at least five years.

The glass almost went flying from her hand as someone touched her elbow, shaking her from her thoughts. It was Kaito.

Her shoulders sagged with relief.

“Sorry—sorry,” he apologised, noticing he’d startled her. That didn’t stop him from giving her a look of concern. “What are you doing behind the pot plant, Rin?”

Rin’s cheeks burned. “Hiding,” she mumbled.

Kaito quirked an eyebrow. “Why?”

Not giving an answer, she simply led his gaze to Miku and Len chatting idly in the centre of the room. 

“Oh.” His lips thinned, eyebrows furrowing, creating a crease in his forehead. “You… still haven’t made amends?”

Rin’s thumb drew patterns in the condensation of her cup. Her eyes were glued to the floor. “No.”

Kaito was a lot more understanding than Miku. Forgiving, somewhat. He was like an older brother, but the nice kind, the kind that you would go to for advice. His gentleness was his whole appeal.

“Maybe you should,” he suggested, his lips curving in somewhat of a hopeful smile. “You know, it’s been a while, Rin. He might… I’m sure he would like to talk to you.”

“I can’t,” she whispered. 

He stared at her, waiting for her to continue. Waiting for her to explain why she couldn’t do seemingly the simplest thing in the world.

She kept talking. “I just can’t. It’s so hard. How could I just walk up to him and talk to him like nothing ever happened—it left a hole in me. Maybe it left a hole in him, too.”

Kaito looked back at Len, across the room, chuckling at something Miku said. He frowned in thought. “You don’t have to do that,” he said, reaching up to pat her on the head. “You don’t have to do anything, really. But you shouldn’t hide behind the pot plant all night. Because then nothing will happen at all.”

He pulled his hand away and strolled off, the cold air hitting the top of Rin’s head like a slap to the face.

Slowly, slowly, she took his advice.

.

When Len had spotted her on the couch later that evening, he sauntered over with a guarded expression. 

Rin had been staring blankly at the TV screen, considering calling it a night at 9pm, when she sensed his gaze and tore her eyes away to meet his. A chill ran up her spine, and in an attempt not to flee the situation, she downed her entire drink in one go.

She figured she didn’t trust her sober self as much to handle the interaction.

He took a seat near her—leaving enough space for another body to sit in between them, had someone want to—and leant back in the chair, folding one leg up to rest on his thigh. Her hand shook as she put the glass down on the table, and it clattered against the lacquered wood before letting it go.

A silence that was enough to drive any person towards insanity stretched between them. Rin knew he was probably finding the words he wanted to say—calculated, well-rehearsed—he was that kind of person. He never said anything without thinking about it first; especially not in this kind of situation.

Her eyes bore holes into her kneecaps as she waited, and waited, and waited.

Eventually, Len cleared his throat. She almost jumped out of her skin. “So,” he said. “You won’t even say hi to me, Rin?”

Blood pooled to her cheeks as her heart jumped to life in her chest. She wasn’t sure if she was embarrassed or guilt-ridden or terrified, or maybe all at once. Her tongue darted over her lips; they were dry, she felt parched despite downing that whole glass. The music that had been playing in the background the whole time suddenly seemed awfully loud.

“I…” Rin squeaked down at her knees. The words were getting stuck in her throat, choking her up, and she had a sudden urge to hurl over the side of the couch. Placing a hand to her mouth, she swallowed, closed her eyes, and reminded herself to breathe. 

His gaze left the side of her face to travel across the room, but he kept talking. “I know you saw me.”

Her fingers curled around the fabric of her dress with a tremble. Tonight, she’d tried for something a little more ambitious, a little more mature; the dress was short and flowy, yellow and floral-lace, it sat high at the base of her neck but dipped down her back, exposing smooth, white skin. 

But around Len, she simply felt like a little girl dressed up in her mother’s clothes.

“I… was waiting for you to say something first,” she rasped out, the words finally untangling from her tongue.

Len’s eyes went back to her. His mouth opened, closed, opened again—the gears were turning in his mind, typing out a script on a typewriter, perfecting every sentence. Finally, he settled for a, “Huh.”

Rin slowly lifted her gaze to meet his. His eyes were a dark, stormy blue; they always had been. Mischievous, mysterious, there was always this glint to them, something so familiarly Len. His fingers drummed against the backrest of the couch, playing out some secret melody—perhaps it was a song he played on piano. He liked piano.

Len swept a stray hair away from his face. “It’s been a while since we last talked, Rin,” he said, eyes flickering between her face and the rest of the room. He reached for his drink on the coffee table in front of them and took a sip, before continuing, “Missed ya.”

Heat climbed to her face, and she looked at her own empty glass on the table, willing for it to fill up. “Yeah,” she breathed, unsure if she’d just heard him right.

“Has life been treating you well?” he asked, casual, but she could tell in his mind he was trying to plot a path to lead the conversation somewhere she didn’t want it to go.

Rin traced out the patterns on her sleeve with a finger; following the stem, a leaf, the flower petals… counting them, five… six… “It’s…” Her mouth was as dry as a wall. She swallowed. “It’s… yeah. Good, I guess.”

If Len had noticed how nervous she was, he wasn’t letting on. “That’s nice.”

The silence that followed reminded her of her table manners. “Erm, how—how about you?”

His lips curved, the beginnings of a smile, and his eyes were now focussed on the TV screen. Some romcom was playing. Not that it really mattered—the volume was muted. “It’s been okay. Work is okay. Busy. Could be paid more, but I guess I’ll never really make big money as a composer, hey?”

That reminded her. She didn’t really know what he went on to study in university. Music, huh, she thought. It was a surprise that even his parents had let him go into such a field. 

“I do tutoring on the side, with kids, too,” he added, a wistfulness to his gaze. “It’s a bit of extra pocket money, at least.”

Rin eased back into the couch. “I’m happy to hear you’re… doing something you love.”

“Hmm.” His lips thinned out. “What about you? Go on to be an English major?”

Probably that was what she had told him, the last time they’d talked. They were still in high school. Young. Full of hope. She shook her head, hair bouncing with the movements. “No. I’m just… an office worker. I work for the advertising department of a record label.”

Len raised an eyebrow. “It’s a pity,” he said. “I thought you would be a good teacher.”

She laughed in an exhale. The thought seemed absurd now. She didn’t need to tell him that, though.

“So.” He was staring up at the ceiling now. His fingers were still drumming. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down in his throat. Rin could just about predict what was coming next. “So… why did you stop talking to me all those years ago, Rin?”

She could predict it, but she still didn’t know how she would even answer it. That guilty rock returned; sinking down heavy inside of her, weighing her down. The blood in her ears was loud, rushing, almost drowning out the sound of the party around them. 

Somewhere, somehow, her mouth started moving, words spilling out like a pot that’d overboiled. “It’s not that I… it wasn’t… I didn’t mean to…” She took a breath, trying to steady the pounding of her heart. “It’s just… so hard to say.”

Len frowned, not satisfied with her answer. “It’s hard to say,” he echoed, in a tone that showed he didn’t believe in those words as much as he didn’t believe in ghosts. “What, you can’t even tell me what I did to piss you off so bad that you wouldn’t talk to me anymore?”

His question sliced through her like a knife, and she winced. Her arms went to wrap around herself, she curled in, like a turtle retreating into its shell. “It’s not even… that,” she mumbled down to her knees. She felt so pathetic. “You didn’t do anything. It was just… me.”

He blinked at her, not quite comprehending that maybe—possibly—after all these years, after all these years of conjuring up some explanation in his head as to why she suddenly hated him, maybe it wasn’t because he had done anything wrong. “Huh,” he said, and this time, it wasn’t a calculated response.

“I’m just…” Rin hovered, choosing her next words carefully. She smiled at her empty glass on the table, but it was secretly a grimace. “I was just a scared, little girl. Scared of a broken heart.” And I still am.

Len was silent, processing her words. She needed another drink if this conversation was going to carry on. She reached for her glass and stood, not looking at his face. “I’m going to the bar. You want anything?”

He shook his head. She left him sitting. She did everything within her power, this time, to not run away.

When she returned to take a seat with another glass of chu-hai, Len’s hand lashed out, snapping up her wrist in a firm, yet gentle grasp. He pulled her down beside him, closer, maybe a little too close for comfort.

He smelt of cologne and alcohol and aftershave, and something familiar, something that made her only think, Len.

His warm body pressed against hers; she forced herself to sit on the edge of the couch, rather than relax into the empty space right next to him. His expression was unreadable, she couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He dragged a thumb down the back of her arm, pressing flat in the soft space of her elbow.

No amount of willpower could stop the ripple of goosebumps from breaking out over her skin.

“Rin,” he murmured. “If you were scared of a broken heart, then why did you break mine?”

His question hit her like an avalanche. She sat, facing away from him, her hand still clutching at her drink like a lifeline. What do you mean, what do you mean, she wanted to ask, but even she knew that was a foolish question. She knew what he meant.

Rin placed her drink down on the table next to his, looked back over her shoulder at him. He was slouched back, staring up at her from under dark lashes. A sad smile slowly rose to his lips, dumping a bucket of ice-water over her shoulders.

“Because I was selfish,” she answered him with truth, sounding awfully confident despite the doubt that clouded her mind. Her heart thudded against her rib cage. “I was selfish, only thinking of me, and not you.”

Len sat up, shoulder brushing hers. “You just didn’t think to talk to me about it?” he asked. “Didn’t think to ever reach out and—clear the air, or anything.” His hand fluttered out in front of him, demonstrating the act.

Her heart hurt. Her whole chest hurt, actually. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking away. “I’m sorry.”

Hot tears stung her eyes. She didn’t even understand why she had to cry. She was the fool, here. She had no reason to.

Len’s hand reached for hers—it was large, warm and clammy, wrapped around her own like a blanket. “Rin,” he said, his hot breath hitting the skin of her bare shoulders. “Look at me.”

She shook her head, no. It was embarrassing, shameless, ridiculous. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die. 

His hand went to her thigh as he moved further forward. Before she could even comprehend a single thing he was doing, she felt his lips brush her cheek.

Rin turned to look at him, shocked.

Len hovered near her face, lips twitching upwards. “Don’t break my heart again, Rin Kagamine.”

In one, swift movement, he had her pushed back against the couch; one hand caressing her face, the other resting on her waist. She didn’t hesitate, didn’t fight back. She knew what she wanted. She knew what he wanted.

His lips grazed hers, and the contact almost seared her skin. As he went to pull away, she reached out and pulled him back by the collar, faces colliding. I won’t let you go this time.

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders. They’d grown broader, stronger, with all the time that had passed. A lonely ache filled her chest. With all the time that had passed she spent running away—she could’ve just… been honest?

If she had confessed her feelings to him all those years ago, before drifting apart, would it have changed anything?

Yes, she thought. I still needed to grow.

I still needed to grow up.

Across the room, a weary Miku and proud Kaito watched the pair as they did the tongue tango. Miku reached up to link her arm with her blue-haired companion, the remnants of a smile on her lips.

He leant into her. “This wasn’t really on the agenda, was it?” he asked in a low voice.

“No,” she admitted. “But I’ll gladly take credit for it.”

“You know, he was hanging out for her all these years—and despite knowing that, I’m still surprised.”

Miku chuckled. “I expected a make up. But a make out? No.”

Kaito grinned, shifting his gaze to the girl beside him. She was glowing still, always glowing, and he was sure it wasn’t the highlighter she used. “You think we could, uh, maybe follow suit?”

Her hand skated down his arm, before floating up to pinch his cheek somewhat affectionately. The lights in her eyes danced, laughing. “Get a few more drinks in me, sweetie, before you start dropping the pick-up lines.”

Then she strutted off, and he sighed, defeated.

The heart wants what it wants.

 .

Fin

.

(epilogue):

They’d sat on that couch kissing for hours until Miku kicked them out at ten to midnight, telling them to go home with a triumphant expression.

Now they walked down the street toward the station, hand-in-hand, not entirely drunk but enough on the way there that the humid midsummer night didn’t bother them. Rin pressed her cheek against his shoulder; a while ago, maybe it would’ve been the other way around.

“I was a bit of a jerk, admittedly,” Len said.

She lifted her head to scan the side of his face. He stared ahead. She wondered what he was going on about.

“Leading you on, and then dating other girls.” He glanced down at her. “I couldn’t be mad at you, not entirely, for distancing yourself.”

Rin stared at him a moment longer, before lowering her gaze to the curb. “I hated doing it,” she mumbled into his sleeve. “But I told myself at the time it was the best thing to do.”

Len smiled. “We were both kids,” he said, slowing his pace. They stopped near the entrance to the subway station, as if there were a barrier keeping them from going any further. “We didn’t know what we were doing.”

“Mm-hmm.”

He leant down to steal another kiss from her lips; soft, longing. His eyes were filled with something odd, she hadn’t really seen before. Affection?

“My place?” he murmured against her mouth.

“Yeah,” she breathed. Her heart fluttered with child-like excitement.

They kept going, eager to make up for the time they'd lost.

[sparrellow]

Break A Leg, But Not Literally

Len was happy working from the shadows. Rin was a natural performer. Kaito loved being in the spotlight.

Another year, another school musical—and yet, just when all seemed to be going as usual, the universe had other plans.

rating: T genre: romance/friendship/humour/fluff ships: rin/len, miku/kaito if you squint words:  10,164

Len had always been a shy kid, avoiding anything that would draw unnecessary attention to him.

Every semester, his high school’s theatre club would hold a musical. It wasn’t his idea to join the theatre club (honestly, he’d rather be part of the go-home club), but he had no choice after being dragged by his bold best friend, Kaito, to the sign-up booth during first year.

Kaito was the polar opposite of Len. He loved the spotlight. He’d been acting ever since he was five. He was always first to volunteer in middle school for plays and the like. The guy was just, well, overwhelmingly eager to have hundreds of eyes staring him down.

Of course, Len never dared set foot on the stage—grudgingly obliging to work on props and lighting, and act as a stagehand. That was fine. He liked working from the shadows.

However, it was soon their last semester in which they could participate in a musical before graduation, and naturally, Kaito was trying to nag him into actually doing something. 

“C’mon, you could be like, a tree, or a swan, or something,” he hissed to him.

They were sitting at the back of the auditorium, watching the auditions for the female lead roles. The male lead role auditions were scheduled next, and hence, Kaito was waiting for his time to shine.

This semester’s musical was Swan Lake , interestingly enough. (Although, by the sounds of it, they were opting for a less tragic ending, much to Len's disappointment.)

Len rolled his eyes, although his friend couldn’t see his expression in the dark. “I’d rather be stung by a thousand wasps,” he said. “Really, Kai. I’m just happy to watch from the sidelines like always.”

“You’ll regret it,” Kaito said. “And I mean, like, you did a pretty good Odette impression when we were practicing yesterday.”

Len snorted. “Hilarious.”

“It’s true! And when you—”

He shushed his friend as the next auditioner walked onto the stage. Small, feeble, yet very cute; there stood a nervous-looking Rin Kagamine.

Kaito wolf-whistled and waved at her, earning a slap on the leg from Len. Rin glanced up at them and smiled sheepishly, before beginning her audition.

Rin was… well, she was one of the best performers in the theatre group. She’d been doing ballet since she could walk, and taking singing lessons since she could talk. She was humble and sweet and eager to please, always wearing a smile, always being soft-spoken.

There was just a lot to be said about her, but Len could never find all the right words.

One could say it was a crush, and maybe it was—he just really, really admired her. 

Kaito and Rin were good friends, having played major roles in past musicals together many times. Len could barely get out a sentence around her, though. Nevertheless, she was Rin— painfully polite and always treating others kindly.

Len watched as she acted out the scene where Odette sees Siegfried and Odile dancing together in the castle. The emotion she poured into her acting and singing—even though it was just an audition—made it seem as if the pain she was feeling was real. The performance pulled at his heartstrings.

When Rin finished her audition and toddled off the stage looking like she’d walked straight into a storm, Kaito turned to Len and said, “Oh, she’s definitely getting the lead role.”

“Yeah?”

“Too bad you won’t be her Siegfried,” he teased with a wink.

Len sighed. “What, you want to audition for Rothbart instead?”

Kaito stroked his chin in thought. “Well, auditioning as a villain is definitely a first, but I’m not opposed…”

They watched the rest of the auditions in silence. Perhaps Len was just biased, but it really did seem likely Rin would get the female lead. Of course, the other students were good, but Rin… she just stood out something special on stage.

Next were the male leads, and Kaito jumped up, ready to go wait in line to be called down by the front.

“Good luck,” he hissed to his friend.

Kaito blew him a kiss and ran off.

Unsurprisingly, he blew his audition out of the water. Of course, Len already knew that—having been his Odette while he practiced for the audition of Siegfried for the past week or so. He was definitely talented.

A few weeks after the auditions, all roles for the musical were announced. As expected, both Kaito and Rin got the leads. Rin seemed genuinely surprised, being too humble for her own good, but Kaito just looked smug.

“It’s a pity you can’t be my Odette,” he joked, as Len checked the lists for what job he’d be appointed. Ew, yet again painting and moving the props.

“I’m quite happy for Rin to be up there instead of me,” Len said, frowning at the paper as he read the names of other students who were helping out. Ugh, and that bossy girl Meiko is in charge of it? What a nightmare.

“Really? Doesn’t seem like that to me,” Kaito observed. Then he leaned over to read the list Len was looking at, snickering at something. “Oh, look! Your best friend Meiko is going to be working with you.”

The last time Meiko and Len were on the same team for the musical, she made him repaint an entire set because she didn’t like the shade of green he used. God, were art students such a pain in the butt.

Len shrugged his shoulders, considering asking to be moved to lighting or audio. “Hopefully I’ll get the paint colour right this time.”

Rin came skipping over to the boys with a smile that lit up the whole room, drawing their attention away from the list. She congratulated Kaito on landing his role. “I look forward to working with you!” she exclaimed, bowing politely.

Kaito nudged Len, winked, then gave her a thumbs up. “Right back at you, Rinnie,” he said.

She glanced over at Len questioningly, who was standing off to the side looking like a cardboard cut-out. “Are you working on props again, Len?”

Len looked down, his ears burning. “Oh. Yeah.”

“Len, here—if only he would audition too,” Kaito said, throwing a thumb in his direction. “He didn’t make a bad Odette when I was practicing.”

Rin raised her eyebrows, surprised. “Really? I wouldn’t think of Len as one to do acting.”

“I don’t,” Len mumbled.

Kaito chortled, slapping a hand down on Len's shoulder, who grunted at the impact. “Oh yeah, but he’s always been a great practice partner! He’s pretty much half the reason I remember my lines.”

“That’s nice of him!” Rin said, beaming. “Maybe I need to practice with him too. I always take forever to learn mine…”

“Well, next time him and I are practicing, I’ll call you over,” Kaito said with a grin. Len wasn’t sure if he was being serious or not, but he was praying that he wasn’t.

A group of some theatre girls walked past, calling Rin over, and she cast an apologetic look at the boys. “Sorry, gotta go,” she said, before waving goodbye and running off.

Kaito turned to Len, the grin still on his face. “So, what do you think? Wanna help Rin remember her lines?”

Len scowled at him. “Kai, I can barely get a sentence out around her. Do you think I’d be much help?”

His friend slung an arm around his shoulders. “Oh Len, we just have to get that talkative side to come out first.”

“How are you going to do that?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

Fat chance , Len mused with a pout.

.

The weeks rolled by, with work on the musical starting off slow. Len spent most of his afternoons painting props and avoiding Meiko’s wrath, and listening to the other theatre kids gossip.

One day, one of his classmates—and fellow theatre club members—approached him. 

“Hey Len,” she said. 

She was playing the role of Odile, and helping with other things on the side—Miku, he recalled her name. They’d barely talked in all their years together, so this was a first. 

She crouched on the ground beside him as he was finishing off the flowers on a bush, and looked at him with a serious expression while twisting a pigtail in one hand. “Are, you know, Kaito and Rin, like, dating? ”

Len paused mid-stroke, going, “Uhh.”

“Because, like, they seem to be really close, right, and they’re always getting the main roles,” she babbled, and he sat there in silence, wondering for a moment. “And like, I’m just curious, ‘cus they haven’t really said anything, but like, it just wouldn’t surprise me, you know?”

Eventually, he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I dunno. None of my business.” He didn’t think they were dating, but, hell, who knew. Maybe that had changed within the past day or so.

Miku looked at him weirdly. “Aren’t you, like, his best friend?”

“Yeah, and I dunno,” Len answered, returning the same expression. “What’s it to you?”

She flushed. “W-well, you know, I just thought…”

“Why not ask Kaito or something?” he said, looking back down at the prop he was working on. “The guy doesn’t keep any secrets.”

Miku huffed, frustrated with his answers. “Well, I—um, it’s just—that would be sort of rude, okay?”

Len raised an eyebrow. “Really.”

Then she threw her head back, groaning. “Wow, you are so weird. Never mind.”

Miku got up and ran off, not bothering him again. But that got Len thinking… 

What if they were dating? Sure, they were friendly with each other, but that was just—he assumed—because they’d worked together on so many musicals before. Besides, Kaito was always sort of gently nudging Len to make a move on Rin, so it didn’t make much sense if they did happen to be dating. (Unless they were like, polyamorous or something.)

Even so, Len couldn’t blame people for assuming it. They were a good-looking couple when together. And the few practices he’d sat through, he couldn’t help but be mesmerised by their acting with one another. Their voices harmonised well, their height difference was sort of amusing, and even their personalities seemed to contrast nicely.

He frowned down at the ugly flower he was painting. It was impossible to see himself with Rin, when she was just so bright and cheery, and him akin to the dark side of the moon.

“Len!” Meiko snapped, disturbing him from his thoughts. She was standing over him, her hands on her hips and her face pulled into a snarl. “Can you pick up the pace? We still have thirteen more of these bush sets to paint!”

Len grumbled an apology, and got back to work, thoughts of Rin and Kaito reeling through his mind.

.

“Huh, so something weird happened today,” Kaito said, while peeling open an ice-cream he got from the cafeteria vending machine. They were on lunch break, and it was a pleasant, mid-autumn afternoon, so they were sitting out in the courtyard, enjoying the sun.

“What happened?” Len asked, picking at the hard-boiled egg in his lunchbox.

“You know that girl Miku,” he continued, “she’s Odile, right? Anyway, she came up to me all flustered or something and was like, ‘Oh my God, are you and Rin dating?’” He mocked her voice and everything.

Len popped his egg into his mouth and chewed slowly. “She actually asked?” he said.

Kaito then looked at him, surprised. “What, did you know about this?”

“She came up to me the other day, asking if you two were dating,” Len said, before taking a sip of his banana-flavoured milk.

“She asked you? What did you say?”

“I said, ‘I dunno.’”

Kaito raised an eyebrow. “You just told her, ‘I dunno’?”

Len shrugged. “Yeah. She wasn’t happy with that answer, though, so I said if she wanted to know, to just ask you. I didn’t actually think she would, though.”

Kaito scoffed. “She did, and she looked like she was in pain.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Seemed happy to know we weren’t— ” Kaito then narrowed his eyes at Len, “—dating, though.”

“Look, it’s not my business to know if you two have something going on,” Len defended himself, pretty pathetically at that. “And, well, you’re spending a lot of time together now so maybe something could change. I don’t know.”

Kaito sighed, throwing an arm over his friend's shoulders and roughing up his hair. “God, you’re a loser. But Len, you know, Rin isn’t my type. Not saying she isn’t cute, but…” He released him and gave him a serious look. “Anyway, I’m not that much of a self-centred dick to date her behind your back, am I?”

Len shook his head, reaching up to fix his fringe. “No, but, like, I don’t own her or anything. I can’t even look her in the eye.”

“Hmm,” Kaito said. “Len, you’re too complacent and nice for your own good. You should be more fighty if you want to catch Rin’s attention.”

“I don’t like conflict.”

“Man, you’re strange.” Kaito gave him a grin, taking a bite of his ice-cream. “But I guess that’s what makes you Len.”

Len gave a dry laugh, which died down pretty soon thereafter, because he spotted the tell-tale wobble of a certain girl’s white ribbon. Rin was approaching them from the other side of the courtyard, a sense of urgency in her step.

“Hey Kaito,” she called, waving. She nodded at Len as a greeting. “We’re having a quick emergency measure-up to double check our measurements for costumes before they get finalised. Can I borrow you for a sec?”

“Aw man,” Kaito groaned. “It’s lunch time! Can’t they let a guy rest?”

Her lips twitched. “Sorry, Kai.” As Kaito gathered his things, she turned to Len. “Hi Len. How are all the props going?”

“I’ve painted seven bushes,” Len said to his knees. “And my hand really hurts.”

“Len’s an art prodigy, you see,” Kaito commented, slapping him on the back, earning a disgruntled oof . “Meiko loves his work.”

Rin raised an eyebrow. This time, she couldn’t contain her smirk. “Really?” she said, sounding skeptical. “To be honest, that girl terrifies me. Well, good luck, Len!”

Then she and Kaito were off, leaving Len to sit in the courtyard by himself and sigh down at his half-eaten lunch.

Well, at least he said more than three words to her, this time.

.

Winter vacation came and went, and soon began the countdown. Of course, the musical was still at least two months away, but theatre kids liked to feel the pressure of impending doom for some odd reason. 

Len’s team had finished with painting the bushes and were tasked to work on the castle shell with another team. Apart from a few students who were picky about design and colour, most days spent painting were uneventful.

The good thing was that the theatre club shared the auditorium for both prop preparation and rehearsal, so he got to see Kaito and Rin’s progress, too. Of course, on the odd occasion, Len was forced into helping Kaito practice his role on the weekends, but he preferred seeing it from the perspective of the audience.

One afternoon, while painting and listening to everyone’s rehearsal, there seemed to be some drama up on the stage. The theatre club’s president—Luka—was in a bad mood that day, and after Rin had stuffed up her lines for the fifth time in a row, she snapped .

Len had stopped whatever he was doing to watch as Luka pulled Rin aside to talk to her off-stage. A few minutes later, Rin went running out of the auditorium in tears.

No one else seemed to notice; rehearsal had moved on to another scene without her, and the art, audio and lighting kids were too busy focusing on their work to pay attention. Len looked around, hoping someone would follow after her, but no one did.

His stomach twisted, and he felt guilty having witnessed it, but not doing anything about it. 

Len sat for a moment, waiting for her to come back, or something , before taking a deep breath and deciding to be the one to take the initiative. He excused himself for the bathroom and went out the same door Rin ran through minutes earlier, wandering down the hall in search of the girl.

Eventually he found her tucked underneath the staircase after following the sound of her sniffling. She looked surprised on seeing him, and hurried to wipe away her tears.

He stood there, staring at her forehead, before eventually clearing his throat and going, “Uh… um… are you… okay?”

It was the most ridiculous question to ask, given Rin was literally crying right in front of him, and he punched himself in the mouth mentally for not being at least an ounce more socially adept.

She didn’t seem to mind the foolish question, though. She sniffled, wiping at her nose with her sleeve. “Ah… Len. I’m sorry. I’m okay, just… a little stressed is all.” She gave him a watery smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Len glanced off to the side, fiddling with his sleeve. “I saw Luka getting mad up on stage.”

Rin winced, screwing up her face. “Yeah… she’s stressed, too.” She sighed. “I mean, it’s my fault for not remembering my lines, so…” Her voice wobbled a bit at that, and she sniffled again, tears gathering.

Oh boy. He didn’t want to make her cry more. “It’s okay,” he blurted out, as if those words alone would make the situation any better. “It’s not your fault. It can’t be helped. We’re only human.”

She smiled a bit. “Yeah. You’re right,” she said. “It’s just… a lot of pressure, you know? Being the main character. I can’t help but feel I’m not right for the role. Like Miku… well, she’s so much better at this than I am.”

“That’s not true,” Len blurted. Rin looked surprised, and so did he. He scratched at his neck. “Well, um, I dunno, when I watched your audition, I couldn’t stop thinking about how well you suited Odette. Like, Miku’s was good, but there was something yours had that… hers didn’t.”

Rin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, looking down. Although she still seemed upset, she had calmed down a bit.

He continued, trying to fill in the awkward silence, “I think you can do it.”

She sniffled again, letting out a shaky laugh. “Thank you, Len,” she said. She hesitated a bit, before looking up at him. “And thank you for coming out to check on me. That’s… really kind of you.”

Len managed a smile, but couldn’t quite meet her eyes.

Rin wiped at her face again and fixed her hair, taking a breath. “Okay. Let’s go back.”

They walked back to the auditorium together in silence. Before they split off their separate ways, Len stopped her, fingers barely grazing the sleeve of her shirt.

“Um,” he fumbled, when she turned to look at him. “Good luck up there.”

The corners of her lips turned, and she held up her fists. “I’ll do my best.”

For the rest of the afternoon, Rin shone brilliantly on the stage, and Meiko threw a newspaper at Len’s head for getting distracted by her.

.

“Oh Len. You sly, sly dog,” Kaito said, having heard from Rin what happened the following day.

Len gave him a look. “Well, none of you were running out to check on her.”

His friend grinned, leaning against his desk and folding his arms over his chest. “That’s true, but honestly, she and I were both equally surprised you were the one to go after her. Rin was all, Oh, that Len! He’s nice once he gets over his shyness, isn’t he? ” Kaito tried his best Rin-voice impression.

Len groaned, leaning back in his chair. “Please never do that again.”

“What?” Kaito said, grinning. “ Talking like Rin? ”

“Stop!” Len threw a hand in his direction, and he caught it, using it as a weapon to whack Len in the face.

“Anyway, so, Rin wants to practice her lines with you and me so she can get Luka off her case. I think she likes you, hey.” Kaito winked.

Len snatched his hand back. “How am I supposed to help? I’m not even acting a part.”

“Yeah, but you always do a great job playing the other roles when we’re practicing. And you always drop good hints about my next lines when I forget, ‘cus you always have the lines to read off.”

Len propped his elbow on his desk and leaned his head against his hand, disinterested. “You could, uh, also do that with each other, though.”

“C’mon Len! If you refuse to practice, she’ll think you don’t like her and get sad. She’ll be all, Oh, how disappointing, Len doesn’t want to practice with me …” Kaito faked wiping a tear.

Len rolled his eyes. “If I agree to it, will you stop doing bad impressions of Rin?”

Kaito grinned. “Maybe.”

Len narrowed his eyes.

“Okay, yes. I will stop doing bad impressions of Rin to harass you.”

He sighed, his shoulders sagging in defeat. “Fine. I’ll practice with you two. Just this once, though.”

Kaito high-fived himself. “Hell yeah! I’m gonna go tell Rin.” Then he disappeared.

Len dropped his head on his desk with a loud thunk . He didn’t know how on earth he was going to do any sort of ‘effective’ practice with Rin around.

.

“Len, you’re supposed to be the evil Rothbart, not a mute teenager,” Kaito said.

They were at a park somewhat central to all their houses on a chilly Sunday morning. Kaito was stretched out on a bench, drinking juice, and Rin stood in front of Len, waiting for him to start taking his role as the villain somewhat seriously.

But… Len couldn’t. Not with Rin dressed in cute casual clothes like this. He’d never seen her without a uniform on, in all these years of attending the same high school… and, well, it was a lot to process.

“Let’s try again,” she said, a smile tugging at her lips. “You don’t have to be convincing. Just… enough is alright, Len.”

He scanned the lines on the page in front of him again and took a breath, giving a nod. He dropped the sheet to his side and cleared his throat. Then, in the best voice he could muster, he began—

“Oh dear Odette! That prince of yours will never love you back—for he has sworn his love to my daughter Odile!”

Kaito burst into laughter from the side, but Rin ignored him and went on to deliver her line. “No! That can’t be true!” she wailed, bringing her hands up to her face in shock.

Len quickly glanced at his lines, before raising his arms like he was, uh, conjuring some magical image, or something like that. “No, Odette… it is …”

Rin stared at the empty space between his arms, her eyebrows furrowing. “It can’t be…” she said, her hands dropping to her sides. “He doesn’t love me…”

It was at this moment, Len was supposed to laugh maniacally and say something else, but he became distracted by how convincing Rin’s acting was. He didn’t realise he was gawking at her until she waved her hand in front of his face.

He snapped back to reality. “S-sorry!” he blurted, scrambling for the next line. God, this was going to kill him. “Um—uh… n-now, you shall be my pretty swan forever…”

Rin then stifled a laugh, breaking character. “Kaito, I think Len has had enough of being Rothbart for now.”

Kaito snickered into his juice bottle, waving his hand. “Oh, he’s fine. I think you were pulling on his heartstrings a little, that’s all.”

Len’s face burned. He tossed his photocopy of the musical’s script at Kaito and took a seat next to him. “Whatever, can I take a break? You two have plenty of scenes to practice with each other.”

His friend rolled his eyes, getting up from the bench with a groan. “Yeah, yeah. Alright, Rin. Let’s start from Act 4 line 46, then. Len, can you help us with our lines?”

Len begrudgingly took the papers back from Kaito and shuffled through to find Act 4.

Oh.

Oh .

It was the act with the kissing scene.

Well.

Fuck you, Kaito.

They began with Rin dying by the lake, and Kaito running in after killing Rothbart. (Len was pretty sure in the original they were both supposed to die, but the school council was all, Noooo, we want a happy ending! )

He frowned as he watched Kaito embrace her and act dramatic, confessing his love to her—what he was guessing—dead body. Rin then rose from the dead and reached out to cup his face.

“Oh, my prince!” she said. “You came back for me… and the curse has been broken!”

Kaito then turned and looked at Len, mouthing the word line .

Len sighed, muttering his next lines. “Odette, I thought I lost you.”

Kaito repeated down to Rin, “Odette, I thought I lost you.”

Silence. 

Len continued, “It was all my fault, mistaking you for that vile Odile.”

Kaito acted out the lines, then looked at him again.

Was he just doing this on purpose? He was doing it on purpose. This guy knew those lines, because Len had run over them with him at least a hundred times before. He wasn’t even looking at the script for reference anymore, because even he knew them.

“I could never love anyone else but you, Odette.”

The hint of a smirk tugged on Kaito’s lips as he repeated those lines down to Rin.

She stared up at him, as if he were a delicious slice of chocolate cake. “My prince…” she gasped.

Then it was the kiss scene.

Len averted his gaze as they leaned in for the kiss, signalling the end of the musical. He wanted to kick Kaito for this later. 

A moment passed, and the pair stood up as if nothing ever happened, brushing the grass off their clothes.

“So, what do you think, Len?” Kaito asked with a shit-eating grin.

“You need to learn your lines,” Len deadpanned.

“You wanna practice with me? Kissy-kissy.” Kaito pursed his lips and leaned in. Len swatted him away, disgusted.

“It’s not a real kiss, of course,” Rin said, smiling. “Just a theatrical one.”

Len raised an eyebrow. “A theatrical one?”

She ushered Kaito over to demonstrate. “You know, this hand faces the audience. It hides our mouths. And this hand… well, I use my fingers as a blockade for our mouths.” She placed one hand flat on the side of his face, then the other on the opposite side, and pressed one thumb over Kaito’s mouth.

“Romantic, huh?” Kaito said through her thumb.

“Ew.” Rin dropped her hands to wipe them on her shorts. “I mean, as if they’d let people kiss on stage at school.”

“Huh,” was all Len said.

Kaito wiggled his eyebrows at him. “You wanna try?”

“With you? No thanks.”

“I mean, Rin might want to—”

“Also no thanks.”

“Ouch.”

Rin just laughed. “It’s alright,” she said. She tucked her hair back behind her ears. “Can we run over another scene? There’s this one in Act 2 I really need to work on… and Len, can you help out too?” She turned to Len and gave him a pleading look.

And, well, he really couldn’t say no.

“Okay…”

“Great! Well, I need you to pretend to be the other swan maidens in the lake…”

Len thought to himself, Oh boy.

.

The weeks continued to fly by. Soon, the musical was barely a month away.

Both Rin and Kaito seemed drained from countless practices. Len was going just fine, on the other hand; props were almost finished, and now they were finessing details (as Meiko liked to call it). A few times, they did some ‘unofficial’ full run-throughs as stagehands, but there was still a bit of work that had to be done.

When Len sat down next to Kaito for lunch, his friend turned to him and said with a straight face, “Miku and I made out yesterday.”

Len almost dumped his lunchbox’s contents on his lap. “You what? ”

“Yeah,” Kaito said, looking a tad dead inside. “It was weird.”

“Why?” Len asked, although that was a strange question to ask about kissing someone .

Kaito shrugged. “We were alone, and she was stressed, and we just started making out.”

Len found such a statement hard to imagine. We just started making out . Like, how the hell do you just start making out with someone? “So…?”

“I don’t even like Miku,” his friend moaned, dropping his head. “She’s too… I dunno, noisy? Not my type at all.”

Len couldn’t help but ask, “What is your type?”

Kaito tapped his chin in thought. “Hmm. Bossy. Cold. Could crush my head with her thighs.”

“So, like Meiko?”

Kaito tilted his head, squinting at the wall beside Len. “Eh, yeah. I guess so.”\

Len didn’t know what to do with this newfound information. He shovelled a dim sum into his mouth and chewed. “What are you going to do about Miku?” he asked.

Kaito groaned. “I don’t know. I don’t like turning people down and… I mean, I totally made out with her yesterday, so.”

Len went for the salad, saying, “I don’t make out with random girls on the regular, so I don’t have any advice to give you, sorry.”

“That’s alright,” Kaito said, putting his head in his hands. “I’ll figure it out.”

Len frowned at his friend, couldn’t help but feel concerned for him. The musical-induced exhaustion definitely was clouding his judgement (or he had some sort of attraction to Miku he was in denial about, but who knew).

He saw Rin in the hallway later that day, and she almost completely snubbed him, until realising at the last minute he’d walked past. She swung around and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him over by the wall.

It caught him off-guard, and he stuttered something of a hello.

She sighed, folding her arms over her chest. “Rehearsals have been taking it out of me. How are you doing, though?”

Len fidgeted with the collar of his shirt. “Prop work is far from as bad as your case is.”

“That’s good to hear.” Rin smiled. “How’s Kaito? He was a bit of a zombie yesterday.”

“Oh.” He recalled the conversation earlier, and the crisis Kaito seemed to be having. “Not so great,” he decided as the best answer.

She frowned, folding her arms over her chest. “He needs to take it easy. I was going to ask if you wanted to practice this weekend, but maybe we should let him rest…”

Len didn’t mind not practicing, because he’d been humiliated at least a million times during the past four practices they’d done. Of course it meant more time with Rin, but at what cost?

“Yeah, might be a good idea,” he agreed. Kaito would probably spend the weekend having a crisis about girls, anyway.

Rin dropped her arms to her sides. “Well, we’re almost there. Only four weeks to go!” She then waved goodbye and disappeared off down the hallway, into the mass of migrating students.

Len exhaled. Only four weeks to go .

.

Two weeks to go—that was when the accident happened.

Rehearsals had been slotted into lunchtimes to add extra practice, but Len usually didn’t have to go, so he spent a lot of his lunches by himself. He was enjoying his peace and quiet in the classroom, reading a manga and eating a sandwich, when the door clattered open and both Rin and Miku came running in looking like they’d run a marathon.

Rin stumbled over to his desk, breathless, and blurted, “Kaito’s going to hospital.”

Len dog-eared his book and looked up at her, not sure if he’d heard her right. “He’s going where?”

Miku appeared from behind, repeating, “The hospital. He’s going to the hospital.”

“He fell off the stage during rehearsal,” Rin continued, her eyes wide. 

“His leg, like, snapped like uncooked spaghetti,” Miku added, the detail a little unnecessary.

Len finished his sandwich. “Is he alright?”

The girls exchanged looks with each other. “We don’t know, but the paramedics said he might’ve broken his leg. He just… landed on it in the wrong way, and it was awful,” Rin said. “Luka’s freaking out.”

What he wanted to know was, how the hell did Kaito fall off the stage? The guy wasn’t even clumsy, and yet, here he was, probably breaking his leg two weeks before the musical. What a clown.

“Oh,” Len said, unsure how to take the news. “Well, thanks for telling me.”

Miku was already distracted, telling another student about the incident, which signalled that whatever went down during practice would spread around the school like wildfire by the end of the day. 

“No problem.” Rin’s eyebrows furrowed. “I’m just really worried. We’ll probably have an emergency meeting for it tomorrow, and for now this afternoon’s rehearsal has been called off, but…” She trailed off, chewing her lip with uncertainty.

“How did he fall off the stage?” Len asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

She shrugged her shoulders, the corners of her lips turning down. “I don’t really know. I guess he was really tired and just lost his balance… I wasn’t on stage at the time. I just heard him fall. It wasn’t good.”

“I wonder if he’ll be alright to do the musical,” he mused aloud.

Rin hung her head. “I hope he will,” she said. “But I have a feeling he won’t.”

That feeling was right. Kaito messaged Len that night to tell him, rather joyfully, that he had broken his ankle.

I’ll be at school nice and drugged up tomorrow! he added.

The next day, the emergency meeting for the theatre club was called after school. Although Len didn’t really have to attend it, being simply a stagehand, Kaito had dragged him along, asking for ‘moral support’.

“Do you really need moral support?” Len said, watching as his friend hobbled beside him on crutches.

“ Yes. It’s going to be hard to say goodbye to this role, you know. I’m going to need you to wipe away my tears.”

“Can’t you ask Miku to do that for you?”

“Len. Die ,” was Kaito’s harsh response.

They were the last ones to arrive at the auditorium, where most of the cast had gathered in a circle. Rin was chewing on her nails—something she tended to do when she was stressed—and Luka was pacing back and forth across the room, a frown etched into her lips.

Upon seeing that Kaito had arrived, Luka stopped and clapped her hands, drawing everyone’s attention to her.

“So, as you may know, Kaito has broken his ankle and has had to step down from his role from Siegfried,” she began. A shocked chatter rumbled through the group, and she cleared her throat, signalling for silence. “We had an understudy—Yuuma—but conveniently, he got the flu and won’t be able to take on the position.”

“Oh boy,” Kaito said, apparently having only just heard wind of this. 

Luka pushed back her hair, exhaling. “So, now we don’t have anyone to play the role of Siegfried—and I’m trying to decide what to do next,” she said. “First, any questions, ideas, or concerns about this?”

Miku put up her hand. “Is the musical going to be cancelled?”

“No,” Luka answered. “But we may have to change things, if we can’t find someone to fill Kaito’s spot.”

People began to murmur, sharing their doubt for such a possibility.

“We only have two weeks,” someone said. “I don’t think we can find anyone else to play the role of Siegfried.”

Luka frowned. “Well, first, does anyone know someone who might be able to do Siegfried? Or does anyone think they can step up to the position?”

The room went silent. Everyone looked around at each other.

Then Kaito cleared his throat. “I know someone.”

Luka turned to him. “Who?”

He gestured to Len standing beside him. “This guy has essentially all my lines memorised.”

Len’s face went red as everyone’s eyes fell on him. Oh no. Oh no no no no no . “Kaito,” he hissed, panicking.

Luka seemed unconvinced, folding her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow. 

Kaito kept talking. “Len’s been practicing with Rin and me, helping us with our lines. I think he could pull it off. I forced him to make a band with me once in middle school, so I know he can sing.”

It was then Len wished for a hole to appear in the ground and swallow him up. What the hell was Kaito thinking? He did not want this at all.

Rin spoke up, much to his displeasure. “I think Len can do it too,” she said. “Like Kaito said, he already knows most—if not all—of Siegfried’s lines. So if anything, he would just have to learn the songs and his actions.”

Luka was slowly coming around, tapping her chin. “Hmm. Well. Anyone have another suggestion?” She scanned the group, waiting for another name to be called, but crickets chirped in response. “Okay. Let’s have a show of hands then. Who’s okay with Len taking the role of Siegfried?”

Kaito and Rin’s hands shot up. Then, slowly, one-by-one, other students began raising their hands, too. It was a good 80% of students voting in favour of him.

“It looks like Len’s our best bet, then,” Luka decided, after counting the number. She looked at Len, who was beside himself. “Well, Len. Is it alright if you take the role of Siegfried in place of Kaito?”

Len swallowed, a nervous sweat breaking out across his body. His eyes darted from Kaito, who was giving him a serious look, to Rin, who was basically pleading him with her eyes.

Oh God. Oh God. He hated disappointing people.

He found himself muttering, “Sure. Okay. Yes.”

Just like that, a sigh of relief seemed to wash across the theatre club. 

Just like that, Len was going to be Siegfried.

Ah. Fuck.

.

Kaito tried his very best to convince Len he was capable of getting on stage and performing. Rin had even joined in, much to his surprise.

Len stared at the space above their heads, feeling as if he might puke.

“You’ll be fine, Len,” Kaito reassured. “Just think everyone in the audience is a potato.”

Rin nodded in agreement, her white bow bobbing up and down. “If you can get up and take on a role in front of me without even knowing the lines, you can get up in front of everyone else and be Siegfried.”

“But what happens if I forget my lines, or go off-key?” Len protested, looking pale.

“You just improvise, man,” Kaito said, as if it was the easiest answer ever. “You just keep going.”

“And Len,” Rin added, reaching out to grab his hands. She looked him in the eyes and his stomach did a somersault. “I’ll be up there with you, so don’t worry. If something happens, I’ll help you out if I can.”

His chest went warm and fuzzy. God, why did she have so much influence over him?

Len��s eyebrows furrowed. “I just… I don’t know if I can do it.”

Both Rin and Kaito yelled in his face, “You can!”

“You just have to believe in yourself,” Kaito said, hitting his own chest with a fist.

Rin nodded. “We’re all nervous going up there. But think of it as a fun challenge! You’re not being Len on stage. You’re being Siegfried.”

“Anyway, we should get on with practicing,” Kaito said, holding up his script. “We only have a week and a bit to go. Luka’s going to lose her mind if you show up next week with no clue what to do.”

Len whined as a complaint, but nevertheless, obliged.

Of course, Rin and Kaito were nice enough to spend essentially their entire weekend at the park helping him catch up, even going as far to teach him the dance moves and lyrics, and explain stage cues. Len was just absolutely terrified of getting up in front of hundreds of people to sing a solo song. Even doing such a thing in front of Rin now seemed like child’s play.

While Kaito hobbled off to the bathroom later in the day, they took a drink break. 

Rin turned to Len and admitted, “You know what? I’m really glad you were chosen to fill in for Kaito.”

Len’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Really? Why?”

She smiled down at her bottle of green tea she bought from the vending machine. “Well, Yuuma’s cool and all, but I feel more at ease when acting with you and Kaito. I’m glad it wasn’t someone else. You know, since it’s such an intimate role.”

Ah. Right. “Oh,” Len said. He was happy to hear that, and a smile inched its way onto his lips. Hearing that she felt comfortable around him was… somewhat relieving to his anxiety over what she thought of him. “Thank you.”

Rin looked up at him, beaming. Her face glowed under the afternoon light, and her blue eyes glittered like stars. He couldn’t help but stare.

Kaito returned, appearing from behind them. “Oh, you two look nice and comfortable. Guess we’re ready for Act 4, huh?” he joked.

Len grabbed one of his crutches, threatening to take it from his grasp. “Don’t test me, disabled man.”

Kaito pulled a face.

“We still need to do Act 3, first,” Rin said, not quite catching the joke—or perhaps just ignoring it. “It’s the longest one, so Len needs lots of practice.”

“Alright, alright.” Kaito waved his hand. “Let’s keep going, then.”

.

The following week went by in the blink of an eye. Len was exhausted and busy every day, rehearsing and doing costume try-ons and so on and so forth. By the end of the week, he almost didn’t care anymore, he was so tired.

Most of Len’s costumes consisted of safety pins, considering Kaito was both taller and larger than him in size. It was always a struggle getting in and out of the costumes, which made costume changes much more dire in between scenes.

Luka seemed somewhat satisfied with what he could do, though, which was a relief to both him and Kaito. (Although, his dancing left much to be desired.) “It’s not perfect,” she said in regards to his performance, “but it’s better than nothing at all.”

He tried to take it as a compliment.

Soon, they were doing their last dress rehearsal, two days before the show.

Kaito came up to him after the rehearsal, having sat and watched part of it. “How do you feel, Siegfried?” he asked, swinging an arm over his shoulders.

“Like I might have explosive diarrhea on the day,” Len answered.

“Oh yeah,” Kaito said with a nod. “It be like that sometimes.” He gave him a rough pat on the back. “You’ll be fine though. Do it for the theatrical kiss with Rin.”

Len could only roll his eyes.

Finally, the day of the performance came. According to Rin, who was chewing on her nails backstage, the auditorium was packed full. Len’s knees turned weak, and he sunk down on the ground beside her.

Rin put a hand on his shoulder. “You’ll do great, my prince,” she said, giving a wink, before getting dragged off by one of the stagehands.

His insides melted like butter. A part of him still couldn’t get it around his head that this was happening.

Kaito appeared with his crutches, hopping over to give him a last minute pep talk. Mostly, he just rattled off with bullshit.

“Just don’t look at the audience’s faces. That’s what always throws me off,” he told him.

“Will try not to,” Len said through grit teeth.

“ Or you can try finding my face, in which I’ll blow you kisses.”

“That’s great to hear, Kai.”

Kaito grinned, checking the time on his watch. “Well, I should go now. But hey. Break a leg, alright?” He gave him a thumbs up. “Just not literally, otherwise you’ll end up like me.”

Len frowned at him. “You better not have jinxed me.”

Kaito ignored him and left, leaving Len to try his best not to throw up.

Soon, the music for the opening began to play.

 .

  three…

two…

one

It’s showtime!

 .

 The adrenaline rush kept Len going, somehow, through the entire musical. He made mistakes, sure, but the show went on. The lights were bright and blinding, and at times he was just lost up on the wide, empty stage. Yet, he did it all. He managed to make it to the end.

He realised this as he was leaning over Rin, her chest rising and falling, her eyelids fluttering.

“Odette…” he whispered, a cue for Rin to ‘awaken’.

She stirred, sitting up, meeting his eyes. She looked different with makeup on, under the heavy stage lights. It wasn’t bad; it made her look older, sharper, more adult than a girl. She smiled at him, and he wasn’t sure if it was her acting, or actually genuine.

Rin reached out to cup his face, hands warm and clammy. He didn’t mind. “Oh, my prince!” she said. “You came back for me… and the curse has been broken.”

Len’s heart was beating so hard against his rib cage, like it might leap out of his chest. He wondered if she could hear it. “I thought I lost you,” he breathed. “It was all my fault, mistaking you for that vile Odile.”

She shook her head, the feathers in her hair dancing in the air around her head.

He took a breath. “I could never love anyone else but you…” Her name danced on the tip of his tongue, and he swallowed it back. “…Odette.”

Rin gazed up at him. Her eyes were dark underneath all the makeup. He didn’t know what was going through her mind at that moment. “My prince…” she whispered.

She leaned in for the ‘kiss’ and he followed, expecting for it to go as it did in their practice. But for some reason, she didn’t place her thumb over his lips. She just went straight in , and their lips mashed together, and his eyes almost flew open in shock at the contact.

Of course, Len managed to keep his composure—just barely—reminding himself to push through until the curtains dropped in front of them, and the audience burst into applause.

Once they were no longer in view, Rin jumped away from him like he was on fire, her skin bright red down to her neck. “Oh my god,” she whispered, covering her face with her hands. “I’m so sorry. I totally forgot to move my thumb.”

Len’s mouth was still warm from hers. The stage around them was spinning a little. “It’s… fine,” he managed to get out. 

The stagehands began ushering them off-stage before they could talk more, preparing them for the curtain call. 

He didn’t have any time after that to speak with Rin about the kiss. Once they were finished with the curtain call, she was whisked away by a crowd of underclassmen congratulating her and giving her flowers for her last show. It was only now that he realised how popular she was.

Kaito found him amongst the crowd, holding his hand up for a high-five. “You did it!” he said. “My little Lenny has grown up.”

“Please never call me that again,” Len said with a groan.

Kaito ignored him. “What’s that on your mouth?”

“Huh?” Len wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. It was red lipstick. From Rin’s lips. “Oh.”

Kaito raised his eyebrows. “Speaking of which, that kiss with Rin on stage seemed awfully… realistic. ”

Len laughed nervously at that. “Yeah… well…”

His friend leaned in, his eyes going wide. “Wait, it was real?”

“It was an accident,” Len said. His face was hot.

Kaito’s jaw went slack. “Oh my god. You…”

Len shushed him. “It’s not that big of a deal. It was an accident . Rin forgot to put her thumb in the way so we just… you know…”

“She forgot to put her thumb in the way, huh,” Kaito said, narrowing his eyes and stroking his chin. “She never forgot with me.”

Len shrugged. “Maybe she was nervous, or something, I don’t know. I didn’t get to talk to her about it much.”

Kaito hummed in thought. There was a mischievous glint in his eye. “Well, I’m sure you’ll get a chance to talk to her about it at dinner tonight.”

“There's dinner?” Len echoed.

“Uh, yeah, we always do dinner. Didn’t anyone tell you?”

“No…”

“Oh, well. We’re having dinner at a yakiniku restaurant. Wanna come?”

“I guess?”

Kaito winked. “More time with Rin, too.”

Len blushed, then elbowed his friend in the stomach. “I wish you’d shut up sometimes,” he muttered, before walking off to get out of costume.

.

As they were taking the train to the yakiniku restaurant Luka had booked, Miku wriggled her way in between Len and Kaito. 

“Len actually did pretty well up there!” she said. “I was surprised.”

“That’s a bit rude,” Kaito said down to her with a frown.

“What?” Miku batted her eyelashes innocently. “It’s his first time performing! I was sort of expecting something to go terribly wrong.”

Kaito rolled his eyes. “Well, of course Len did great. He’s like a closet superstar.”

Len snorted. “I’m anything but that, Kai.”

Miku pouted. “I’m not trying to be mean! You don’t think I’m being rude, do you, Len?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“See? He agrees with me!”

“He didn’t even give you a verbal answer, Miku,” Kaito said.

She folded her arms over her chest, puffing out her cheeks. 

Rin turned, having overheard their conversation. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“We were just discussing Len’s total owning of the stage,” Kaito answered. “And Miku’s being a bitch.”

“I’m not!” Miku cried, indignant.

Rin giggled. “Len did really well, despite the circumstances,” she said. She kept her eyes on Miku and Kaito, avoiding meeting Len’s gaze “Who knew the quiet boy could brew such a storm?”

“He was just saving it up. Huh, Len?” Kaito looked at him.

Len mustered a smile. “I hope I never have to do that again,” was all he could respond with.

Everyone aww-ed in disappointment, and Kaito poked him with one of his crutches. “Nah. You loved it. It was the best experience you’ve ever had.”

“It was the most distressing experience I’ve had,” Len corrected.

Their train pulled up at their stop, and they filed out of the carriage, following Luka’s lead. The walk to the restaurant was around ten minutes, and everyone had moved on to another conversation with each other. Kaito was bickering with Miku, who seemed awfully touchy-feely with him.

Hmm , Len thought.

He didn’t mind the moment of quiet, though, as he tagged behind the group. It was weighing down on him—now that the adrenalin rush had finished—how goddamn exhausted he was. He couldn’t wait to have a bath and crawl into bed.

At the restaurant, Len took a seat between Kaito and another girl—Gumi—who played as one of the swan princesses. He hadn’t talked to her much before, but she seemed friendly. Across from him was Gakupo—who played Rothbart, Miki—who played another swan princess, and Piko—who was Seigfried’s best friend. He’d managed to get to know Gakupo and Piko through his role a little bit—they were okay. 

Alas, Rin was at a separate table, along with Luka, Meiko and Miku (which was, perhaps, not entirely a bad thing). 

So much for having the chance to talk to her about what happened on stage, though.

Although it was hard to organise a group of like, thirteen rowdy teenagers, eventually they sorted their orders for drinks and food. Everyone was busy chatting, and Len was just sitting there, staring at the empty table in front of him. Sometimes Kaito would try to drag him into his conversation with Miku, mainly asking for him to give his two cents in their argument, but eventually he would just… fade out of existence again.

When their drinks came, they made a toast.

Luka did the honours, being the club president. “Well, despite one of our leads breaking an ankle two weeks before our show, I guess we did pretty well,” she said, narrowing her eyes at Kaito, who wore a proud expression. “Thanks to Len being able to pull through and play the role in Kaito’s place. Thanks to everyone else, too, for all your hard work and cooperation for the past semester. It’s been an honour being your club president.” It was now she looked a bit teary.

(Len didn’t realise the theatre club was such a big thing to her… but, well.)

“So, a toast to our theatre club! Well done everyone, and good luck with finals next semester!”

Everyone held up their glasses.

“Cheers!”

After that was done, came the wait for food. Len took that as a chance to escape and get a breath of fresh air (he was getting a little claustrophobic, sandwiched between Kaito and Gumi). He excused himself to the bathroom, then slipped outside, unnoticed.

Len glanced at the time, making sure he didn’t spend too long outside that people came looking. He crouched down on the curb, breathing in the freezing, late-winter air.

There were footsteps behind him not long after he’d been outside, and he turned, expecting Kaito to have followed him out. But much to his surprise (and pleasure), it was Rin.

She tucked her hair behind her ears. “Mind if I join?” she asked.

Len nodded, the words getting caught in his throat.

Rin sat down beside him with a sigh. Her shoulder bumped against his, and his heart fluttered. “Are you feeling alright?” she asked, glancing at him. She’d wiped most of her makeup off, returning that familiar softness to her features.

“Yeah,” he croaked, before clearing his throat. “Just needed some air. It was a bit crowded, is all.”

“Yeah,” she agreed in an exhale. “The exhaustion sort of hits you around now.”

Len hummed in response. “I don’t know if I can get up off the ground, to be honest. My legs are killing me.”

Rin chuckled. “It’s all that dancing.”

“I didn’t know I had to use so many muscles for that.”

“Yeah,” she said. “Comes easy to me, having done ballet and all.”

Rin then leaned against him, her head lowering to his shoulder. He stiffened at first, then relaxed—although, all the skin she was touching was on fire.

“Still exhausted, though,” she mumbled. 

“You did amazing,” he said.

Rin’s hand fluttered down to his thigh. It was hot through the fabric of his jeans. His heartbeat picked up, hammering against his chest as his mind went reeling. He didn’t know what was going on.

“You did amazing, too,” she said back, a smile in her voice.

Len wanted to disagree with that statement, but instead, decided to shut up for once. He settled for a quiet, “Thank you.”

He wondered if she could hear his heart, beating so loud. God, she could definitely hear his heart.

She then said, “I’m sorry about the kiss at the end, though.”

“Oh, um,” he fumbled. “It’s fine, I… it took me by surprise, but…” It was good. I wanted you to kiss me more.

“It took me by surprise, too,” Rin said with a laugh. “I almost broke character there on stage.”

Len laughed with her. “I was confused for a moment, thought your thumb was oddly soft,” he admitted.

“Oh, you’re telling me my thumb doesn’t feel like a kiss?” she jested. “Rude.”

They chuckled together, before a beat of silence passed. Then Rin said, “You caught me off-guard up there, Len.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I did?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Your acting was… really good.”

Len stared straight ahead at the vending machine across the road, illuminating the darkness. He knew Rin could hear his heart. Her hand was still on his thigh, and her head still resting on his shoulder. The gentle smiles and the fact that she was sitting here, out in the cold with him, and not inside with the others.

He didn’t want to get ahead of himself, and yet…

Something inside just told him to go for it. Maybe he was reaching a state of over-exhaustion and his brain wasn’t functioning properly, but to heck with it.

“It wasn’t acting,” he whispered, the words difficult to get out.

Rin lifted her head to look at him, going, “Hmm?”

Len swallowed, mustering up the courage to try again. “It wasn’t acting,” he repeated. Once they were out, it was like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

She gazed at him, confusion first crossing her face, then consideration, then realisation. Her eyes went wide, her lips parting.

For a split second, he wondered, with terror, if he’d gotten it wrong. If he’d mistaken all her gestures for something they weren’t. If she was about to break his heart, then and there, in the most awkward situation ever.

But then Rin’s lips curled up into a smile. She leaned in close, her forehead touching his.

“Do you want to… try again?” she whispered. “But this time, not just an accident.”

Len didn’t answer. Instead, he leaned in, lips brushing against hers. She reciprocated, pressing back hard against his mouth. A hand reached up to grab the collar of his shirt, curling into a fist. The other still rested on his thigh, fingers pressing down into his skin.

He reached for her shoulders, then up to her neck, the sides of her face. He tangled his fingers in her hair, pulling her closer, drawing on her warmth.

Someone coughed from behind. Startled, they both jumped away from each other and turned to see Meiko.

She folded her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said, in a tone that wasn’t very apologetic, “but everyone’s wondering where you two went, so unless you want to have to explain to them in detail what you were just doing, you should probably come inside.”

Rin cleared her throat, flustered. “S-sorry Meiko,” she stuttered.

Meiko just shook her head at them, before walking back into the restaurant.

Rin looked at Len. She exhaled and shrugged her shoulders. “We should probably go back.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, breathless.

She leaned in again to peck him on the lips once more before standing up, dusting off her clothes. She held out a hand for him, and he grabbed it, pulling him up.

Together, with faces red like stop signs, they walked back into the restaurant and took their seats, acting as if nothing ever happened.

.

When they were saying goodbye later that evening and going their separate ways, Rin kissed him again, right in front of Kaito.

Kaito gasped. “Excuse me,” he said, holding up a hand. They pulled away to look at him. “When did this happen?”

Rin looked at Len, smiling, and Len shrugged. “Like, two hours ago,” he said.

Kaito put a hand to his chest. “And you didn’t tell me, your best friend? I’m offended.”

“Well, you know now,” Len said.

Kaito sniffled, pretending to wipe away a tear, before he dropped his hand and grinned. “It’s about time!”

Len rolled his eyes, but Rin laughed, leaning into his shoulder. “Can you let us kiss in peace, please?”

“What, you didn’t get enough time on stage?”

“Kai! Away!” Len shooed him, and the boy left, cackling to himself.

Rin shook her head. “I think those painkillers are ramping him up a little, or maybe it’s just because I’m tired.”

“Definitely the painkillers,” Len said.

She reached down for his hand and squeezed it. Her fingers were cold, like ice. Her expression turned serious as she looked up at him from under her lashes. “So… does this mean we’re dating?”

He gazed at her face a moment, surprised she'd even bothered asking the question. “Well, I hope so,” he said.

A grin started to fight its way onto her lips, her shoulders sagging with relief. “Me too.”

Len reached up to brush some hair out of her eyes. “You wanna do something fun during spring vacation? Like see a movie, or go bowling or something.”

“Yeah,” Rin said, beaming. “I’d like to do something.”

“It’s a date, then,” he said.

Then they leaned in for another kiss.

[sparrellow]

diamrem

Rin was not the Little Mermaid, not an Ariel, not some tragic, beautiful fish-girl. However, she was cursed, and she was doomed to be half-fish for the rest of her life (barring some miracle happening before she turned 18).

rating: T genre: romance/fantasy/fluff/humor/a smidge of angst ships: primarily rin/len, a whiff of gumi/miku words: 8,458

No one knew how, or when, or where, Rin’s family’s curse began.

Her mother went through it. And her mother’s father went through it. And her mother’s father’s mother went through it, too. But the curse always followed the same set of rules: don’t touch water in front of another human, and fall in love before the age of 18 unless you want to be a half-fish forever.

They were both the most challenging set of rules to follow, especially with unpredictable weather, compulsory school swimming carnivals and a face only a mother could love. Rin only had about 15 seconds flat to dry herself before turning to some human-experiment-with-tuna-gone-wrong in front of every other person around her.

Bath times were not fun, and required some tricky maneuvering with a wet towel and a bathtub and lightning-fast reflexes. 

Thank god her family doctor didn’t ask questions when giving her a note to excuse her from any water-related activities she had to participate in at school, having been familiar with her mother’s ‘afflictions’. (He probably knew more than what he was letting on, and god knows what her mother had said to persuade him). Something something ‘severely allergic to the chemicals in water’ did the trick, usually.

But of course. Then there was… the uh, sad Swan Princess-like situation with her falling in love with someone before the age of 18, or else becoming a mermaid forever. And it couldn’t be like, a fake or forced or one-sided situation. It had to be, like, real -real love. Like the other party had to feel actual romantic love for you, and you had to reciprocate it.

That was, um, big yikes. Rin had pretty much signed that off as impossible, considering her ‘puberty glow-up’ was yet to come and she was nearing her 18th birthday very soon. Besides, the boy she’d been pining for for the past, uh, eleven-or-so years was so much as oblivious to her affections.

Oh, woe.

Her mother had tried her best to comfort her and guide her to a more positive way of thinking, claiming, “You never know what’s right around the corner.” But her birthday was now ‘right around the corner’, so all hope was dwindling fast.

She wouldn’t even get to graduate high school. That was sad. Plus, the seaside near her town was definitely not nice, and the thought of having to swim in that polluted hot-mess made her feel even more miserable than before. 

This curse sucked. (But that was the point of a curse, she supposed).

When her friends at school asked her what she wanted for her birthday during November, she couldn’t help but answer with somewhat cynicism, “True love’s first kiss.”

Gumi blinked at her, before turning to look at Len, who seemed to be taking her answer very seriously. He tilted his head, then asked Gumi, “Is it a perfume or makeup brand or something…?”

Rin wanted to slap him for being so… so Len, but Gumi just gave him this look. “Do you have peas for a brain? The girl meant a literal first kiss.” She then thought for a moment. “Although, that’s a super out-of-character request from you, Rin.”

“It’s complicated,” was Rin’s simple, yet vague, answer, before she turned away to lean her head on her palm and look out the window like a pensive anime school boy.

Her friends were discussing something heatedly with each other under their breaths for a moment, but she wasn’t bothering to eavesdrop. Gumi knew as much that Rin had a very sad crush on Len, but she was a good enough person to never tell. Come to think of it, the girl knew a lot of people’s secrets.

Hmm.

Len stepped around into her field of vision with a very serious expression. “Do you mean a thimble?”

“Enough already!” Gumi barked, yanking him backwards by the collar. “You don’t need to answer that.”

“I wasn’t going to,” she said.

Gumi’s eyebrows met in the middle of her forehead, a concerned look crossing her face. But before she could mention what was on her mind, the homeroom bell rang, and the pair had to skedaddle back to their desks, probably up in arms trying to figure out her cryptic request.

But it was alright. Rin already knew she wasn’t going to get it.

She was going to be a fish.

.

“You know, you’ve… seemed kind of down, lately,” Gumi said offhandedly one afternoon, as they were taking a drink break during track and field club. 

Len was off goofing around with some other boys in the club, currently in headlock and receiving a noogie from fellow classmate, Kaito.

Rin took a sip of her water, careful not to pour it down the front of herself and cause panic. “I’ve just got things on my mind,” she said. “18th birthdays are pretty big in my family.”

Gumi raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. Tradition or something.” Of course, Rin hadn’t told anyone the truth. Everyone thought she was just kind of odd and hated swimming. Even though she trusted Gumi, a big ball of everyone’s secrets, she just couldn’t imagine the absurdity of such a situation, and that daunted her a little. Besides, she was kind of embarrassed by the whole fish-body thing. It wasn’t as cute as it looked in movies.

She still didn’t know how her mum broke the news to her dad about the whole curse-thing, especially since it would also affect their children. She’d never even gotten around to really asking about how it all went down.

“I didn’t realise it was big for you,” Gumi said, tucking her knees up to her chest and casting a look over at Len being a gremlin with the other kids. “Is that why you came out with the whole true love’s first kiss thing?”

Rin nodded.

“Are your parents going to like, betroth you to some random guy or something if you don’t find a boyfriend beforehand?”

Rin snorted. “No. No. Thankfully, no,” she said. “It’s nothing like that.”

Gumi eyed her. “Alright. As long as you’re not being forced into some child-bride situation.”

“I’m not,” Rin said, giving her a solemn look. “I’m not. Seriously.”

Her friend then smirked a little, looking back over at the other club members. Len was now doing handstands and showing off to the underclassmen. Some girls were cooing over him or something. 

“So, what about Len?” Gumi asked, sounding very casual although it was definitely a strategic maneuver.

“What about what about Len?” Rin asked back.

“Why not confess to him? If you’re so worried about the whole true love kiss thing?”

Rin hated how Gumi suggested it so smoothly, like it was absolutely nothing, but she knew this girl had it planned. She frowned. “Confess to him? Are you mad? I’d rather stick my hand into a bouquet of cacti.”

“Why not?” Gumi pushed, glancing back at her. “Who’s to say it would turn out poorly?”

“What, did you ask him if he’d say yes?” Rin raised an eyebrow at her.

Gumi smiled coolly. “No. But you know, it wouldn’t hurt to try.”

Rin huffed. “It would hurt my feelings.”

Of course, the conversation ended there because Len came jogging over to flop down ungracefully onto the grass beside them. After taking some huge gulps of water from his bottle, he looked over at them with a grin. 

“What’s up, ladies?”

“The sky,” Rin and Gumi answered in unison.

“Did I interrupt an important discussion, or something?” he asked, sensing the remnants of Rin’s discomfort. 

Gumi didn’t wait for Rin to answer. “Just girl things,” she said.

Len screwed up his face, pretending to be disgusted. “Eww.”

“Periods, periods, periods,” Rin then chanted. “Boobs, boobs, boobs.”

“Hey, I’ll always join a conversation about boobs,” he said, earning him a whack over the head from Gumi. He winced, but kept his grin the whole time.

“Well, unfortunately you and I don’t have much to bring to the table, so Gumi’s the boob expert here,” Rin jested.

Len took another swig of water, swallowed hard, then said without the bat of an eyelid, “Small boobs are just as valid as big ones, Rin.”

Gumi applauded slowly. “Wow, an award-winning statement from Mr. Len here. Making those girls swoon.”

He winked at her. “You know I’m a chick magnet.”

“Unfortunately,” the two girls chorused, both unimpressed by his confidence.

“Okay, okay. Today’s Pick On Len Day. Fine. I get it,” Len said, rolling his eyes. He tossed his bottle to the ground and stood, stretching his legs. “Watch me go beat my track record,” he added over his shoulder before running off to join the group.

Gumi looked at Rin with a sly expression, before jumping up to jog after him.

Rin rolled her neck and sighed, following suit.

.

It came very suddenly.

One day at lunch, Len said, with a mouthful of fried rice, “You know, Miku’s kind of cute.”

Rin choked on her broccoli and Gumi paused, chopsticks stuck in her mouth as she looked at him with wide eyes.

Len blinked innocently. Rin reached for her water through a coughing fit and Gumi set down her chopsticks to pat her on the back. 

“What makes you say that, Len?” Gumi said, sounding very confused.

He shoved another spoonful of rice into his gob and leaned his head on his hands, looking over at said classmate—a very pretty girl with long, teal pigtails. “Well, you know, just look at her.”

Rin was stewing. This was like a double-whammy punch to the gut. Her appetite for lunch had completely vanished.

They followed his gaze and watched the girl, who was chatting with her friends across the classroom. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and then, as if sensing their eyes on her, glanced over in their direction.

Len gave a friendly wave, and Miku smiled back sheepishly.

Oh no.

“I… guess,” Gumi grumbled, turning away. Her ears were pink.

“Don’t you think so too, Rin?” Len asked, now looking at her.

Rin was packing away her half-eaten lunch. Hesitating, she chewed on her lip. She could be petty and disagree, but what would that do? Besides, it was true. Miku was super cute. “Er… yeah,” she answered.

“Do you know if she’s dating anyone?” Len continued, unknowingly driving the knife deeper into the wound.

Gumi cleared her throat. “No. She’s not.”

Len seemed pleased by this answer. “Hmm.”

It was then Gumi looked over at Rin, with a somewhat apologetic look. What was happening here?

Rin took the initiative, biting down on her wound. “So, you want to ask her out?” she asked in a weak voice.

Len burst into laughter. Nervous laughter? Rin couldn’t tell. But his outburst seemed to have surprised Gumi, too. “What? Me? Ask her out? No,” he said. “I’m probably not even her type.” This time he looked straight at Gumi.

Rin opened her mouth. “Okay. So… why…”

“Len,” Gumi interrupted, in a tone that meant business. “Can you walk me to the vending machine downstairs? Those creepy guys are bothering me again.”

Len raised his eyebrows. “Again? I thought they’d been dealt with.”

“Well,” she said. “It’s happening again and I’m thirsty. Please.”

He shrugged, muttering something under his breath Rin didn’t quite catch, and the pair of them then disappeared, leaving her to sit alone and wallow in her feelings.

Well. That was a bad time.

Rin wiped her mouth with her handkerchief, slid her lunchbox into her bag and wandered off to go cry in the bathroom.

.

A few days later, Len dropped by her desk between classes and did this strange spin-maneuver before asking her if she wanted to go to the beach on the weekend.

Rin glanced outside, then back at him. “The beach? This weekend?” she echoed. “Len, it’s December. It’s going to be so cold.”

He planted his hands on her desk and rocked back and forth. “So? It’s still nice out.”

“What do you even want to do there?” she asked. “It’s not like we can swim or anything.”

“I dunno. I just thought it’d be a nice break from all the stress of exams. We can hang out. Build sandcastles. Collect seashells. Eat ice-cream. Maybe even visit the aquarium.”

“Eat ice-cream?” Rin felt cold just thinking about it. “I hope you’re ready to share your jacket with me, then.”

Len grinned. “So it’s a yes?”

She sighed. “I suppose. What about Gumi?”

“Oh, right. She said she’s visiting her grandparents this weekend.”

“Sucks,” Rin said. 

“What, am I not good enough?” Len joked, faking a pout. 

“I need someone to help me pick on you,” she said with a grin.

He pretended to be hurt, gasping and clutching at his chest. “Rin, you’re such a bully. Always picking on me…” Then he switched back to normal mode, as if remembering he still had to go to his next class. “So, Saturday afternoon?”

Rin nodded.

He gave a thumbs up. “Sweet. Let’s head there after club finishes.”

Then Len hurried off to his next class. 

Gumi stopped Rin in the hall a few hours later, with her class materials tucked under one arm. She wiggled her eyebrows at her, smirking. “Saturday afternoon, hm?”

“How did you know?” Rin asked, although not surprised she knew as much.

“Oh. He asked me first,” was her simple answer. “Maybe you should… you know.”

“‘You know’ what?”

Gumi made some incomprehensible motion with her free hand. “You know, like… make a move.”

Rin rolled her eyes. “After what happened on Tuesday at lunch?”

“What happened on Tuesday at lunch?” Gumi asked, confused, before she remembered the more-than-awkward conversation. “Oh. Oh. Rin… no. That conversation was… hm. Something different.”

“Something different?” Rin repeated. “Like what? Sounds like the guy has a crush.”

Gumi then massaged her forehead, apparently hard-pressed over this topic. “It’s… no. Not that. I’ll talk to you about it later. After school.”

Rin raised a questioning eyebrow. “Alright.”

They said their goodbyes and went separate ways to their next classes. Of course, Gumi never did follow up on their conversation after school.

.

Saturday afternoon came in the blink of an eye, and soon Rin was tagging along after Len as they took the bus to the oceanside. 

Len was blabbering about some anime he was watching on TV last night, with dudes and swords and swords and dudes. She wasn’t entirely listening, just staring at the side of his face and thinking back to Tuesday’s mishap.

That was when she asked, out of the blue, “Len, do you like Miku?”

Len was caught completely off-guard, stopped his monologue about his sword-dude anime and spluttered, “Um, what? What are you talking about, Rin?”

Rin shifted in her seat, cramming her cold hands between her thighs for warmth. The question had been on her mind all week. It was almost killing her. “You know. You were talking about her a lot at lunch the other day. I thought you might like her.”

He turned red, and began to shake his head, laughing somewhat nervously. “Me? Like Miku? She’s, y’know, pretty and all… but uh…”

She leaned forward in her seat, raising an eyebrow. “You like her.”

“No! I don’t know where you’re getting that, Rin.” He seemed to be getting a little desperate, tugging at his ponytail. He looked at her with a somewhat serious expression. “It wasn’t—I don’t— I don’t like her. I mean, she’s pretty and that’s great, but… I like someone else.”

Two emotions hit Rin at once like trains colliding on a track. One was relief that he didn’t like Miku; the other, a swell of dread in her chest as it dawned on her that he did like someone (and it definitely wasn’t her). 

Rin couldn’t help but ask, “Who?”

Len blinked at her, surprised by her lack of shame in asking such a personal question. “Well, that’s a secret. It’s not like you’ve told me who you like, anyway.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “There’s no point in me talking about it to anyone because it’s never going to be reciprocated, anyway,” she muttered. There was a moment of silence between them, before she asked, “Does Gumi know?”

“Um…”

“You don’t have to lie to me. Gumi knows everyone’s secrets. I won’t be offended if you’ve told her already.”

He tugged at his scarf, shrugging his shoulders a bit. “Yeah… she knows.”

Rin thought for a moment. Well, if Gumi knew… why would she be encouraging her to ask Len out, knowing she’d be rejected?

Sometimes the logic of that girl made little sense.

“Does she know who you like?” Len asked back.

“Of course she does.”

They fell into silence after that, pondering the many secrets Gumi knew of one other, but never shared. 

Eventually, Len started the conversation up again as they got off at their stop. “So,” he began casually, digging his hands into his jacket pockets. “Have you actually got anything you want for your birthday? I’m considering the last answer you gave was a joke.”

It wasn’t, but anyway. “Nope,” Rin said simply.

“Nothing? Not even like, a video game or some jewellery or something?”

A video game couldn’t be played in the sea, and jewellery would only rust, so. “No, nothing at all,” she said.

Len frowned. “Usually you have something you want.”

“Yeah, well,” she said, glancing at the store windows as they walked down the street. The smell of salt was getting stronger, and the wind was picking up. “Not this time.”

“God, you make it hard,” Len said, half-joking, but half-serious. “How about a party? Are you going to have one?”

“Nah,” Rin answered. “I figured this year should be quiet. And no— no surprise party. I’ve already laid that flat with Gumi, too.”

He pouted at her. “You’re no fun.”

Rin looked at him. “Sorry,” she said, in a tone that definitely was not apologetic.

“How about universities,” Len changed the subject. “Have you decided which ones you want to apply for, yet? The deadline is coming soon. Next month.”

To be honest, Rin hadn’t even cast one thought in that direction. Anything beyond her 18th birthday was lost to her. She was completely and utterly mentally prepared to just turn into a fish. University was out of the question.

“I haven’t,” she answered with a sigh. “What about you, though? You wanted to move to a bigger city, right?”

Len nodded. “Yeah, well, can’t stand being here. I was thinking somewhere in Sendai or Sapporo, or maybe even Tokyo, but it sucks knowing you might not be coming with. Gumi’s got her heart set on Sendai, though.”

Rin screwed up her face. “Tokyo’s too big. Sapporo’s nice, though.”

“Yeah? Thinking of a university there?”

“No.”

“Aw.” He bumped shoulders with her as they walked along, the sparkling blue of the sea coming into view. “There it is,” he said, as if witnessing something truly magnificent.

Rin eyed her mortal enemy, the water, as they made their way down to the sand. There were hardly any people around; just two idiots standing on the beach in the middle of winter.

A cool breeze blew through them, and she shivered. God, she was not looking forward to the freezing cold temperatures of the deep blue.

“Frozen yet?” Len asked with a laugh, noticing her folded arms. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a heat pack, placing it into her icy hands. It felt so good to touch. “Good thing I brought a few, eh?”

Rin was a fool not to bring them, but that was her. She never prepared for the weather properly at all. “Thank you,” she mumbled, her cheeks burning.

They began their venture down the coast, picking up shells in the sand and tossing rocks into the water. Soon, they reached an empty jetty. They sat on the very end, their legs dangling over the water; a good five-or-so metre drop into the ocean. 

She gazed down at the foam as the waves crashed against the muscle-covered posts of the jetty, droplets of seawater almost hitting the soles of her shoes. A part of her just wanted to throw herself in, but with Len there, that wouldn’t be a great situation.

Their shoulders and thighs touched. Len was jiggling his leg against hers, not really bothered by their proximity. Their feet knocked together as they swung them back and forth.

They didn't really talked much, just watched the horizon as the clouds rolled by. Rin had to fight the urge to lean her head on his shoulder. Don’t do it. Don’t do it, Rin, she practically yelled at herself, as a wave of sleepiness hit her.

“Hey, Rin,” Len said, his tone a little odd. 

“Mm?” Rin answered, her eyelids betraying her.

“Um, you know, I…”

Whatever he was going to say next was drowned out by Rin’s yelp of surprise as something launched itself with her back. She almost fell forward, but somehow Len caught her before she toppled completely into the water.

When they turned to look, it was some small, fluffy white thing with a pink tongue and big, dark eyes. Not a moment later, someone came running over, panting.

“I’m so sorry,” the person said, and the voice sounded oddly familiar. “I didn’t realise there would be— oh.”

Both Rin and Len looked up at their face. To Rin’s utter horror, standing behind them… was no one other than Miku.

Miku had recognised them too, and now had a sheepish look on her face. “Sorry,” she apologised again.

Len seemed pleasantly surprised. “Oh! Miku. Fancy seeing you here.”

She laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh, yeah. I usually walk my dog along here. But I wasn’t really expecting to see anyone at this time of year.”

Miku’s dog was licking and slobbering all over Rin’s hand. It was cute, but… the situation was not.

Len then stood. Rin followed suit, not wanting to be the only one sitting. 

Miku gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry about my dog jumping on you. She gets a little excited about strangers. Not a very good guard dog.”

She returned a polite smile. “It’s fine. What’s her name?”

“Tinkerbell.”

Len snickered. “Cute.”

“Anyway,” Miku said, motioning for Tinkerbell to come over and attaching a leash to her collar. “I’m sorry again for disturbing you two.”

“It’s fine,” Len said with a dismissing wave of his hand. “We were just hanging out." Then he paused, a look crossing his face like he just came up with the most brilliant idea. "Actually, Miku… would you like to grab ice-cream with us?”

Rin was ready to launch herself off the side of the jetty and just let the waves carry her off. This wasn’t how she was expecting her afternoon with Len to turn out. God, what the hell, Len? she wanted to cry. 

Was the boy being overly nice or was he like, strategically asking her for ice-cream for… some other reason?

Miku seemed to perk up at Len’s suggestion. “Oh, really? Are you sure? I’d love to!”

“Of course. You’re cool with it, aren’t you, Rin?” Len checked her face with a grin.

Rin didn’t have a choice. She forced a smile and a thumbs up, and announced in her most fake-enthusiastic voice, “Yay, ice-cream!”

So they started their venture back toward the main street in search of some ice-cream. As they walked along the beach, Len and Miku went ahead, deep in conversation about some favourite TV show they had in common.

Rin faded into the background, until reaching a complete stop on the sand. They’d already walked ahead so far, they wouldn’t even notice if she’d left. So she did. She turned and walked the other way, and took the bus home.

She knew it was the wrong thing to do, and when Len called her about half-an-hour later in a panic, thinking she’d been kidnapped or something, she felt even worse than she did before.

“You should’ve said something,” he said. “I was running up and down the beach for about ten minutes calling your name.”

“I’m sorry. It was urgent and I just… didn’t want to interrupt the conversation…” Rin had come up with some pathetic excuse about feeling sick all of a sudden and running off, although that was no better than the truth, probably.

Len sighed, apparently frustrated. “ Rin,” was all he said.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated.

“Well, are you home now?” he asked, ignoring the apology.

Her phone had rung just as she was getting off the bus, and now she was walking home. “Almost,” she said.

He was quiet for a moment or two, before he said, “Okay. Well, I hope you feel better soon.” Then he hung up.

Wow. He was definitely pissed.

Rin sniffled and wiped at her eyes, which were starting to leak tears. This sucked. Maybe if she wasn’t a ticking time bomb with this whole ridiculous mermaid curse thing, she’d be okay, the whole situation probably would have never happened, and she wouldn’t be so… pressed and upset about… everything.

She knew Gumi would hear about it, so there was definitely another lecture coming her way. Thinking that just made her cry even more about it though.

When she got home with swollen eyes and a blotchy face, her mum tried to ask about it, but she just told her it was nothing, and crawled into bed and watched sad romance movies all evening.

.

Gumi did eventually call to lecture her, but it wasn’t as bad as she was expecting. When Monday finally rolled around, Rin anticipated the worst, expecting Len to give her the cold shoulder, but miraculously, the boy just acted as normal.

When Rin was alone with Gumi for a few moments, she asked, “What did you tell him?”

Gumi looked at her innocently. “Hmm?”

“Len doesn’t hate me, despite everything. So what did you say to him?”

She glanced around to check for the boy's presence, before explaining, “I just told him what you told me the other day. About your birthday situation. He seemed to calm down after that. You better be thankful I did damage control for you.”

“I am,” Rin said. “Thank you.”

“You know, he's still in a tizz over your birthday present,” Gumi added. “He wants to buy you something and was trying to get an idea out of you on Saturday. Can’t you just like, give him something? ”

Rin grimaced. “The thing is, I really don’t have anything I want.”

“Jeez, Rin.”

“I know, I know…” she said, hanging her head. “Look, if he’s so adamant about getting me something, can you just make a suggestion to him or whatever? Like, I don’t know, pretend I told you what I want. I don’t really care.”

Gumi gave her a look. “You’re really giving me this power?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“Well, I could literally tell him you want new underwear or something.”

Rin shrugged. “That’s fine.”

Gumi smacked her forehead. “You know, he’d totally try buying you some.”

“Really?” Rin tried to imagine the boy waltzing into a lingerie store, but couldn’t picture it. “I’d think he would turn to ash as soon as he looked at lingerie.”

“You’d be surprised,” was all Gumi said.

Just as the conversation came to a lull, Miku appeared with a worried look on her face.

“Rin!” she said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Are you okay? When you disappeared on Saturday, Len and I were so worried!”

Rin was taken aback by her intense concern, gawking at her face for a moment or two. “Ah… yeah… I’m sorry. I felt sick so I just went home. I’m sorry for not saying anything.”

“Len mentioned something about that,” Miku said. “The poor guy was close to tears before he tried calling you. Well, I’m glad you’re safe and feeling better, at least?”

“Oh. Yeah. I am. Thank you.”

Miku smiled and gave her shoulder two rough pats, before retracting her hand and turning to face Gumi. “Hey Gumi,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Gumi went stiff. “Uh. Hi Miku,” she responded, in a strange monotone voice.

“How was your weekend?” Miku asked.

“It was… um. Fine. And you?”

“Well, I’m sure you just heard about it when I was talking to Rin, but it was good. It was too bad you couldn’t be there too.”

Gumi swallowed. Her ears were turning bright red.

What on earth was Rin witnessing here?

“Yeah,” Gumi said. “It was too bad.”

Miku then cleared her throat, and looked at both of them. “Well, I’ll see you two around!” She gave a wave, then bustled off to do… whatever she was doing.

Rin looked at Gumi, who was still staring off in the direction Miku went, although she was no longer visible. “So, care to explain what just happened?” she asked.

Gumi jumped, turning back to Rin. “Wh— huh?”

She gestured in Miku’s direction. “You know… like. I’m getting some weird vibes from you right now and I’m not really sure what to think of it.”

Gumi shook her head furiously. “It’s nothing. It was nothing.”

Rin raised an eyebrow. “ Okay.”

It was definitely not just nothing, though.

.

The thought finally came to her in the middle of lunch like a freight train colliding with a wall. Rin gasped, dropped her omelette, and jumped up from her seat.

Both Len and Gumi stopped eating to look at her. “What’s wrong?” Gumi asked.

Rin didn’t answer. Instead, she looked at Len and said, “Len. Can I speak to you in private?”

Len glanced at Gumi with a look of uncertainty, before setting down his chopsticks and standing, following her out of the classroom.

“Um… what’s up, Rin?” he asked, once she’d pulled him around a corner that was void of people to eavesdrop. He looked very nervous for some reason.

Nevertheless, Rin ignored that and blurted, “Does Gumi have a crush on Miku?”

“Oh.” Now he seemed very surprised. “Um.”

Rin didn’t need a verbal answer. The look on his face told her enough: Yes.

“Oh boy,” Rin said. “All this time I was thinking you had a crush on Miku. This is new. Wait. How come you know about this?”

Len blinked. “Er. Well…”

“Did Gumi tell you?”

He nodded.

Rin frowned. “But she didn’t tell me.”

“Uh,” he said. “Well, Rin…”

“She knows almost every secret of mine but she wouldn’t tell me she has a crush… on Miku . Everyone has just been keeping me in the dark!”

Len winced. “Rin.”

“Yes?”

“I basically traded secrets with Gumi.”

“You what?”

Len rubbed his neck. “So, like. She really wanted to know who I liked, but I refused and said to her only if she told me who she likes. So she told me. And she threatened me to not say anything to you. Anyway, you know, I talked to some people… found out Miku has a thing for Gumi, too. I’ve just been trying to kind of… get them together, but… ah. I’m sorry. You must’ve been really confused.”

Suddenly, everything began to fall into place. “Wait, so… so that’s why you were talking about Miku at lunch the other day?”

He nodded.

“And that’s why Gumi made you come with her to get a drink.”

Len looked sheepish. “She was mad.”

“Wow.”

“So… is that all you wanted to talk to me about?”

“What?” Rin asked. “I mean, yeah. That was all.”

Len looked disappointed. “Oh.”

Then she suddenly remembered about what happened on the weekend. “Oh. And—Len.”

The disappointment on his face melted away for a moment. “Yes?”

“I’m sorry, I really am sorry about the weekend,” Rin said. “I didn’t think about anyone else but myself in that situation. I didn’t want to make you worried, though. I’m really sorry.”

Len’s gaze softened. He reached out and placed a hand on her arm. “It’s okay. Gumi told me about your circumstances, so…” he trailed off, thinking. “Besides, I guess you were a little confused by me inviting Miku to eat ice-cream with us so suddenly. You probably didn’t know it was for Gumi’s sake.”

She laughed. “Thank you for worrying about me, Len.”

He smiled at her. “I couldn’t not worry about you, Rin.”

There was a brief pause between them, as they stood awkwardly, staring at each other’s faces. The silence was filled with tension—or maybe she was just imagining it.

Len then spoke again, averting his gaze away from her face. “You know, Rin, I… um…”

Whatever he wanted to say next did not come, because a certain green-haired girl stomped up beside them with her arms crossed.

“There you are!” Gumi exclaimed, standing in the space between them. “What are you two doing? I’ve been waiting 15 minutes for you to come back. What’s going on?”

Then she noticed the look on Len’s face and faltered. “Wait. Did I… did I interrupt something?”

Len cleared his throat. “No. It’s fine. You didn’t interrupt anything.”

Gumi glanced at Rin, who shrugged her shoulders. “Are you sure? Because I—”

He held up a finger. “Nope. It’s cool. But Rin knows you like Miku.”

She went blank for a moment, before her eyes narrowed. “You told her?”

“No. I guessed it,” Rin answered quickly, to save Len from being gutted like a fish. “I dragged him out here to ask about it… and then I apologised about the weekend. That’s all.”

Len nodded. “That’s all.”

Gumi was red. “Both of you are so— difficult.” She threw up her hands in frustration, then turned around and walked off.

“Is she okay?” Rin asked.

“Probably,” Len responded. “Thanks for speaking up for me, though.”

“No worries,” she said. “By the way, what did you want to say before? It seemed pretty serious.”

Len hesitated, his lips pressing into a straight line in thought. Finally, he said, “You know what? I can’t remember. It probably wasn’t important.”

“Oh.”

They then followed after Gumi. But Rin couldn’t help but keep thinking back to what Len was about to say to her.

.

“So, what are you doing on your birthday, Rin?” Gumi asked. It was T-minus five days until Sunday, her birthday, the dreaded day.

Rin picked at her lunch, not feeling very hungry. “Not much. Probably just going to stay home… do nothing…”

“Well, that’s sad,” Len said. “Why don’t we hang out or something?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. My parents don’t want me to,” Rin lied. Of course, her parents could care less about her meeting with friends on her birthday, but she also had the strange curfew of sunset (her deadline for finding a lover before becoming a fish forever).

“Oh,” Gumi and Len said in unison, sounding disappointed.

“How about next weekend?” she suggested, although there wouldn’t be a next weekend. But if it made her friends happy, she’d plan it, even if it wouldn’t end up happening.

“Next weekend is good with me. Gumi?” Len looked to Gumi.

She nodded. “I should be free.”

“Sweet. Let’s go bowling or something,” Len suggested. “I mean, it’s your birthday, Rin, so we can do whatever you want.”

“Bowling sounds nice,” Rin mused aloud. “Karaoke would be fun too.”

“Oh yeah! Let’s go to karaoke as well,” Len agreed. He then glanced over at Gumi with a sly look. “Shall we invite Miku?”

Gumi grimaced, her ears reddening. “I don’t need you two hooligans being my wingmen.”

“Why not? You’re practically always trying to be my wingman,” Rin said.

Gumi jabbed a finger in her direction. “You watch it, Miss Rin. I have the power here.”

Rin backed down, holding her hands up. “Okay, okay. Jeez. Maybe you should just try asking her out.”

“And don’t use my advice on me,” she added sulkily, folding her arms over her chest.

“Wow, she tells you that too?” Len asked, guffawing. 

Rin rolled her eyes. “Like every day.”

He held up his hand. “Same. High-five!”

She gave him a high-five across the table, to which Gumi just rolled her eyes. “You two are just… so… unbelievable.”

“Unbelievably awesome,” Rin corrected. She and Len gave each other another high-five.

Gumi put her head down on her desk and groaned.

The pair chuckled. 

“So… what are your folks going to do with you on the weekend?” Len asked, steering the conversation back to her birthday.

Rin sighed. “Dunno. Dunno anything, really.”

“That stinks,” he said.

“Yep.”

Gumi lifted her head. “I’m still worried you’re like, being married off or something and you’re just not telling us.”

Yeah. Being married off to the sea, Rin thought.

Len found this speculation incredibly upsetting. “Being married off? Are your parents really that cruel to do that?”

“No,” Rin said. “I told you, I’m not getting married off. It’s not related to my relationship status in any way.” It totally was. “Stop spreading rumours about me, Gumi.”

Gumi ignored Rin, patting Len on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, if you get there first thing in the morning, Len, you might be able to wrestle down all her potential fiances and come first place as her suitor.” 

Len swatted her hand away, a light blush dusting his cheeks. “Shut up.”

It was then that Gumi shared a secret wink with Rin. She didn’t know what that meant.

“Well, regardless of your plans on Sunday, still expect us to call you and sing happy birthday in horrible discordant voices, at least,” Gumi said. “It’s tradition, you know.”

That part was at least true. The trio had been doing such a thing since middle school.

Rin smiled. “Of course. I’m looking forward to it.” She was really looking forward to hearing from her friends for the last time. They wouldn’t know that, of course.

“Anyway, I’m still for inviting Miku to your birthday celebrations, if you don’t mind,” Len said with a shit-eating grin.

Gumi waved her chopsticks at him threateningly. “Len, I swear to God, I will harvest your organs and sell them on the black market.”

.

Then the day came. The morning started off rather ordinary, with Gumi and Len calling her at nine to sing happy birthday. Of course, she burst into tears on the phone, panicking the pair.

“What’s wrong?” Gumi asked.

Rin sobbed hideously and wiped her face with the palm of her hand. “I’m sorry. I just felt really happy. That’s all.”

“Really?” Len asked with skepticism in his voice.

“Yeah. Dunno. Just feeling a bit emotional today. Thank you for calling me, guys.”

The two were quiet for a moment. “It’s what we do, Rin,” Gumi then said, her voice gentle. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. My parents are calling me, so I should probably hang up now.” That was a lie, but she couldn’t stand the conversation any longer.

“Okay,” Gumi and Len chorused, although they, too, sounded a little downhearted.

“Have a nice birthday, Rin,” Len said.

“Thank you. Bye.”

She didn’t wait for their replies. She hung up and began to cry again.

Her mother came into her bedroom a few minutes later, a look on her face that meant motherly-business. “Rin,” she said gently. “Are you sure you’re fine with this? You can still meet with your friends. You don’t need to avoid them.”

“It’s fine,” Rin sobbed. “It’s better off this way.”

Her mum sunk down onto the bed beside her, taking the phone from her clammy hands. “I know… I know it’s really hard for you. And I don’t know what to say or do. But… whatever happens, you’re still our daughter. And we love you, fish or not.”

She whimpered into her wet sleeve. “I wish I didn’t have to be a fish.”

“I’m sorry for giving you this curse,” her mother said. She reached out to rub her back. “I’m so sorry.”

Then her mother was crying too.

The day chugged at an impossibly slow pace, as if wanting to draw out the pain and suffering even longer.

Rin sat in her room most of the day, staring at her feet and legs and thinking, This is so fucking stupid. What the hell. She only emerged once or twice to use the bathroom, and to pick at a piece of her birthday cake.

Her parents had given her presents; one was an expensive waterproof phone case, and the other was an underwater camera. They made her cry again; although, they were somewhat thoughtful gifts considering the unfortunate situation.

When it hit four in the afternoon, she picked herself up from her bedroom floor, gathered what she wanted to take with her to the ocean, and set off to the beach. Her parents cried, and she did too, and she walked with her head down in the late afternoon sun.

Once the sun fully set, Rin would become a mermaid, and would never see her human legs again.

She sat on the edge of the jetty she once sat on with Len, and waited with her knees tucked up to her chest, listening to the ocean waves and the cries of the seagulls overhead. It was growing colder and colder as it grew darker and darker.

It was only about five minutes or so of sitting and waiting when Rin heard the sound of running footsteps behind her. She assumed it was some person out jogging, but they grew closer and closer, until she could hear someone panting very heavily.

She glanced behind her, and was surprised to see Len, doubled-over a few metres from her.

“Rin,” he gasped, stumbling over. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Huh,” she said, quickly wiping her wet face.

Len saw her red, swollen eyes as he grew closer and stopped in his tracks. “I went to your house to surprise you, but your parents said you were here. I ran all the way from your house because the bus wasn’t coming for another hour, and your parents said it would be too late to wait any longer. I don’t really understand, but…” 

Rin couldn’t help but begin to cry, yet again. “Oh, Len…”

“You’re not going to like, kill yourself, are you?” he asked, with the most serious expression she’d ever seen on him. “The look on your parents’ faces… it was like you had died.”

She laughed, although it was nothing to laugh about, but the whole situation was just so absurd she had no other way to react to it. “No, Len,” she said. “I’m not going to kill myself.”

“Then why…” he asked, edging closer.

“You want to go for a swim?” she asked him, although she was joking (just a little).

Len looked at her like she was crazy. And she was. “Are you kidding me? We’d both get hypothermia.”

Rin thought about that. “Hmm. You’re right.”

He gave her an incredulous look. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?”

“Only if you tell me who you like,” she jested.

Len was speechless, but it seemed he was taking her seriously.

There were only about fifteen or so minutes left of daylight, so Rin stood and turned to him, now serious. “I have a secret. Not even Gumi knows it. Can you keep it?”

He went wide-eyed and nodded, swallowing.

She reached out for his hand and started pulling him back toward the beach. “We have to go somewhere no one will see me.”

“Er… why?” he asked.

“You’ll see.”

They jogged up the beach toward the rocks, and Rin began climbing over them to a more secluded part of the beach. Len seemed rather confused by it all. Finally, she reached a shallow pool of water that would demonstrate enough.

“You have to promise you won’t scream or do anything weird,” she told him.

Len just blinked, his eyebrows furrowing. He nodded wordlessly, but she could tell there were questions just dying to come out.

Rin held a finger to her lips, then slipped off her coat, throwing it over some dry rocks. She’d already prepared for her assimilation into the sea, and had a bathing suit on underneath her coat. She began to descend down into the pool, the water lapping at her ankles, then her calves, then her thighs… 

He seemed to panic at just this alone. “Rin, what are you doing? Are you crazy?”

The water was ice cold, so cold it was painful. She winced and closed her eyes, ignoring Len’s cries. Soon, that familiar, warm sensation spread through her lower body, over her arms and ears and back.

Len went dead silent, and she opened her eyes to look at him.

His eyes were the size of saucers and his mouth was hanging open. “You… huh.”

“This is why I could never participate in the swimming carnival,” Rin said.

Len sank down to his knees, clutching at his hair in shock. She waited for him to get the words out, this time. “You… you’re a mermaid?”

She stretched out her webbed fingers, and said very lifelessly, “Surprise!”

“I’m… excuse me. You’ve been a mermaid this whole time?”

Rin shrugged. “Ever since I was born. It’s a family curse. Whenever I touch water, I grow a tail, and it sucks.”

“A… curse?” Len echoed. “How is it a curse?”

“Well, that’s the whole reason why my 18th birthday is the worst thing ever,” she said. “Why I’ve been so sad. Why my parents were probably crying when you knocked on their door. I’m going to become a mermaid forever, Len, as soon as the sun sets on my 18th birthday. Today.”

He seemed very distraught over this fact. More than she was expecting, really. “What? Why? Isn’t there something to break the curse, like—like in fairy tales or something?”

Rin sighed. There were only like, two minutes left of sunlight, as far as she knew. “Yeah, but it’s too late now to break it.”

“What do you mean?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Well, like in fairy tales, to break the curse I need a true—”

“A true love’s first kiss,” Len finished, with a look of realisation. “You were being serious. God! I’m such an idiot!”

Rin opened her mouth to ask, “Why?” but much to her surprise, he tore off half his clothes in about five seconds flat and jumped into the freezing cold water, splashing her in the face, before launching himself towards her.

It was definitely a horrifying moment, until Len slapped his hands on either side of her head and leaned in for the kiss.

Of course, there were a million thoughts swirling through Rin’s mind as he kissed her, one of them being, Dang, this was definitely not as romantic as I’d imagined. But then again, Len was kissing her, like actually kissing her on the lips, and that was something she’d been pining for for the last 11 years, although it could’ve come just a little sooner.

Just as she was getting over the initial shock of it all, he pulled away. “Did it work?” he asked, trying to look down for her tail.

Her scales glittered through the surface of the water, and his face fell in disappointment, his hands dropping to her shoulders.

“Was I too late?” he then mused aloud, but what Rin wanted to know was how did he know she liked him back? 

Wait.

Gumi…

Rin felt a strange tingle down below, the same sort of tingle she felt when she was turning back to a human. 

Immediately she panicked, because she was about to become half-naked in front of Len.

“Er, Len, um, Len,” she said.

He looked at her, confused.

“I need you to like, not look at the lower half of my body for the next five minutes or so, because you’re going to see something you maybe want to see, but I don’t want you to see until we at least get to like, third base or something.”

“What,” he said.

But Rin needed not to give him a more specific explanation, because at that moment, the fabric of her torn-up bikini bottoms floated past.

“Oh.” Len immediately distanced himself, crawling back onto the rocks and shivering. He covered his eyes. “Just tell me when.”

On cue, her tail disappeared for the last time, her scales shedding and filling the pool, looking like glitter in the twilight. She ran her now-normal hands over the surface of the skin on her thighs, an immense sensation of relief filling her chest like fireworks.

Rin clambered up onto the rocks, and the cold winter wind hit her bare skin. She slipped and shivered as she reached for her coat, pulling it on hurriedly in a desperate attempt to get herself warm. It did very little to help, though.

“Okay, okay. I’m decent,” she said to Len, who seemed more relieved he could now reach for his dry clothes. His teeth were chattering, and for a moment, she felt a pang of guilt for having dragged him into this mess.

She decided to call her parents to rescue them from the cold. Her mum was more than relieved to hear her asking for pickup, no questions asked. She probably already had a feeling things would take a turn for the best after Len came by.

They climbed over the rocks, back toward the main beach, in shivering silence. 

“I’m sorry,” Rin said to Len, as they stopped for a moment on the sand. “Now you’re freezing because of me.”

“I’ll gladly lose a limb or two to frostbite to save you,” he said through gritted teeth, and she wasn’t sure whether he was joking or not.

Rin slicked her wet hair back. “Okay, well. Let’s run a few laps to ensure we have blood flowing to all our limbs. You can demonstrate to me your best time.”

Len groaned at the idea, but got into position. He reached out for her hand in the dark, and she grabbed it, feeling his ice-cold fingers against her own. “Gumi told me to tell you,” he said in between shudders, “that we’re both insufferable.”

“Well, she better eat her words, because it’s her turn to confess next weekend,” Rin said breathily, before she launched herself forward, dragging Len along with her.

They ran, hands together and soaking wet in the middle of winter, until warm blankets and hot chocolate came to the rescue.

Thankfully, no one lost any limbs or became a fish forever that night (or ever).

.

fin

[sparrellow]

it’s a long way home

It's a long way home when your childhood friend is haunting you from the passenger seat of your car.

rating: T+ genre: supernatural/angst ships: one-sided!rin/len, mostly platonic TW: self-harm, suicide

i saw you in a dream

then it came to an end

i wonder if you’ll come and visit me again

you’re taking your time to reappear

i’m starting to believe that when i call your name—

.

Rin sipped her coffee; her eyelids heavy, but her heart even heavier.

A week ago, she wouldn’t have thought she would be making this drive so soon, so suddenly. But a phone call came from her mother, and in her soft voice, she told her something that made the world shatter around her.

Len was her neighbour, her childhood friend. 

They’d grown up together, went to school together, graduated together. They had made so many memories together. Of course, they went their separate ways when it came to university, but it was never a bitter goodbye. Rather, it was one filled with hope and anticipation that they’d see each other again.

Of course, this wasn’t her idea of a reunion.

She gripped the steering wheel tight, her knuckles showing white. The years had gone by so fast, and with him in Osaka, and her in Tokyo, the chance that she’d hoped for never came.

Then, it was too late.

Instead, she’d be bidding her farewell to him at a funeral. Did her 18 year old self ever imagine this was how she’d be saying her last goodbye to her old friend?

A lonely ache spread through Rin’s chest. She didn’t know the fine details of how he died, but she knew enough that it made her stomach churn.

Len had been a bright, somewhat happy boy in their childhood; popular and social and active. He always dreamed big and laughed so carelessly. He was the last person for her to imagine dying so young.

Who would’ve seen this coming?

She sure didn’t.

Rin reached up to wipe her eyes with the back of her hand, smudging her makeup across her cheeks. It wasn’t ideal to be driving at this time of night, in this kind of state, but she had no choice with work only granting her one day off to attend the funeral. Although rural Saitama wasn’t that far, the drive seemed longer at this hour, and she was exhausted after a long day of work.

She wondered why on earth they chose to have the funeral at such an ungodly hour of the morning, but it couldn’t be helped, and she didn’t want that to be the reason why she didn’t go.

Of course, Len deserved better.

Her eyelids began to betray her again, so this time, she opted for the radio, turning it up louder in an attempt to wake up her brain. As she did so, for some reason, she sensed another presence with her in the car.

Of course, there was no one, she knew there was no one, but to ease her paranoid mind, she glanced up at the rear view mirror.

A pair of pale eyes stared back at her.

Rin stomped on the brake and jerked her car off the road. The car behind her laid on their horn, spelling the words fuck you with their beeps.

She immediately unbuckled her seat, jerking around to face—

A ghost.

She screamed.

.

Rin was not one to believe the paranormal. No, no. She’d always thought, growing up, that once people died, they like, died -died, as in, never ever coming back died.

Maybe that was a little dark and dreary for a child to believe, but that was what kept her, well, sane . It comforted her. It saved her from all those nights in the dark believing the shadows on the walls were monsters or banshees or demons.

So, after screaming for a bit, she calmed down and began to think more rationally: No, maybe it isn’t a ghost. Maybe I’m just hallucinating. I’m tired, I’m caffeinated, and I’m probably going through shock. I’m probably—definitely—hallucinating.

Rin shook her head, closed her eyes, sat back in her seat. Okay. Okay. Let’s just breathe.

While counting herself through what was probably an oncoming anxiety attack, the feeling of someone else being there in the car did not ease. She had never hallucinated before, so she wasn’t even sure if this was normal or if she really was experiencing some strange, life-changing event.

A part of her was begging for it to just be a hallucination. It just had to be, because there, sitting in her back seat, was Len.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she popped open her eyes and slowly turned to look back over her shoulder.

She did not get there, though.

Because.

Because— Len was now sitting in the front seat.

Staring at her.

Rin didn’t know if she wanted to run for her life, scream, or just pass out. This was too much. This was too much for this entire week.

She leant forward, resting her forehead on the steering wheel, trying to steady her breathing.

“It’s not real. It’s not real. It’s not real,” she muttered to herself.

And yet, when she lifted her head, he was still there. It wasn’t working.

She went to put her head down again, but he then spoke, to her utter horror. “Rin.”

Rin screamed and went to open her door, but it was jammed. It wouldn’t open. Had she fallen asleep at the wheel, and this was some crazy dream before crashing to her death? God, if it was, please wake up (or die) so it would end .

“Rin,” Len repeated, leaning towards her so that their faces were only a breath apart.

She froze, avoiding meeting his gaze. “He’s not real. He’s not real. He’s not real,” she whispered to herself, desperate to keep her sanity.

“You don’t have to believe I’m real,” he said. “You don’t have to. But please look at me.”

She began to cry. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was so terrified, or because it really felt like Len was there with her, in the car. 

“Rin,” he repeated, his voice soft. His hand drifted up, pale and translucent, and his fingers grazed the side of her face. It was like cold water trickling down her cheek. “You can look at me. I won’t hurt you.”

Finally, Rin obeyed. She wrenched her gaze away from the steering wheel to meet his eyes.

Len smiled. Her chest tightened, and her gaze began to wander over his ghostly figure. It wasn’t as lanky as she remembered. He was wearing a button up shirt and pants, like he’d just come from work. Her eyes immediately dropped to his left arm, where his sleeve was rolled up.

She couldn’t help but notice the deep gashes in his wrist, looking as if they were freshly made, although no blood was seeping from them.

Tears stung her eyes again. What a horrible hallucination.

Len noticed the direction of her gaze and covered his arm with his other hand. His expression went sad. “It doesn’t go away,” he explained, as if reading her mind. “It doesn’t go away, even after death.”

Rin sobbed hideously. She wanted this to be over and done with. She wanted out of this nightmare.

Of course she wanted to meet Len again.

But not like this. Not like this.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry this is how it is.”

Rin shook her head. “Even if you were real,” she said, “I could never be happy with this— ”

“I know.” He looked away. “I know that, Rin. I’m sorry.”

She slammed her palm against the wheel. “Are you sorry? Are you really sorry? This isn’t just something you can apologise for. You can’t just appear, expect anything but my tears, because you’re dead and you’re not coming back and I never even had the chance to say goodbye.”

Len was silent.

Rin refused to look at his face. She knew how he looked. With that guilty expression, the sort of face he would pull when they’d have stupid arguments back in junior high. His eyebrows would meet and his bottom lip would pucker out like a kid who was refused candy.

She crossed her arms over the steering wheel, rested her cheek against them, feeling her wet tears as they smudged black eyeliner across her skin.

Her parents were going to shit themselves when she got to their house. If she got to their house.

“I don’t regret it,” Len then said.

She sighed to show she was listening.

He continued, “I don’t regret it at all because I didn’t want to live anymore.”

“Are you happy now?” she asked him.

“Not even dying made me happy,” he said. “Nothing would, Rin. I knew that.”

“So why? Why? ”

There was a long silence. Rin thought he had disappeared, but then he answered, “I just wanted to be free from it all.”

It hurt to know how much pain he was in. She wished so desperately she knew earlier. She wished so desperately she’d been a better friend and kept in touch more. She wished so desperately she could turn back time.

But time travel was just as unrealistic as a ghost.

She stared out her window, watching the occasional car drive past on the highway. Their headlights would illuminate everything in front of them, before they’d flash past, and all would go pitch black again.

“Rin,” Len said. His voice was closer. “It’s a long way home. You should get moving before it gets too late.”

You’re right , she wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t form in her mouth. She lifted herself up, not casting a glance in his direction, and indicated to merge back onto the road.

It was silent again for about ten or so minutes. Len was still there, in the corner of her eye, watching the road. Eventually, he said, “Hey, you remember in high school, when I came late to school with a bandage on my arm?”

Rin thought for a moment. She could remember that day vaguely. “Yeah.”

“I know I said that it was a burn from ironing my uniform—” For obvious reasons, she knew what was coming. “—but that was a lie. I tried to cut myself open the night before. I tried to die.”

Her eyes stung with tears. The road started to blur. She blinked hard several times, trying to clear her vision. Something wet trickled down her cheek.

“So why didn’t you?” she croaked, when he didn’t continue.

“I don’t know. I guess—for a moment, I thought of you. You were my best friend. Perhaps no one else would care much if I died, but you, I was scared of knowing if you would care too much, or not care at all. I stopped myself before it got too deep. Told my mum I slipped and sliced myself on the bed frame. I don’t think she believed me, but she didn’t question it.”

Rin hated it. You were my best friend.  

Her fingers tightened around the steering wheel, a wave of anger shaking her. “That’s not true,” she spat. Was she really having an argument with a hallucination right now? Perhaps it was time for therapy. “Everyone loved you Len. Everyone loved you so much. Everyone would have been so devastated to have lost you. Even now—I’m sure they are, or will be.”

The corners of Len’s lips twitched upwards. “That’s the thing. My brain just couldn’t comprehend it. Even if everyone did love me—”

  I just couldn’t believe it at all.

For a moment, Rin was standing in an empty classroom with Len. It was four in the afternoon. He was hunched over his desk, a bad mood. And his words, they settled like rocks in the pit of her stomach.

“I can’t help but think like that, you know?” he was saying, with a haunting grin on his face. It looked so out of place. “No matter the truth, I just can’t believe it. I don’t think anyone needs me around.”

Rin nudged his desk with her foot. “I need you,” she said, her fingers brushing the skin of his arm; a simple, secret gesture that no one but her could read.

Len lifted his head to meet her eyes.

“I need you.”

  Rin sniffed, wiping at her eyes. The tears wouldn’t stop. They just kept overflowing, overflowing, overflowing.

“Rin,” Len said, from the passenger seat. “Don’t cry.”

“Shut up, stupid,” she snapped, her voice wobbling. She was angry, she was sad. This hallucination was getting out of hand.

He stared at her, nothing to say.

“I cared about you so much it hurt,” she continued. “And whenever you insisted I didn’t, that drove the knife in even deeper. I loved you, Len, but you held me at arm’s length. I felt that if I said that—how I really felt—you would just deny it, and that, that would break my heart.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I wish I didn’t do that. I wish I let you in.”

Rin inhaled. “But somehow, I could forgive you for that anyway. And I still love you, somewhat, even if it’s not quite the same, pure love that was.”

Len reached over, placing his cold hand over hers on the gear stick. It was rotting, melting, skeletal. Not human at all. “It was never meant to be, anyway.”

She looked over at him, and he looked at her. “Yeah, well, my hopes were already dashed years ago.”

He smiled, looking sad. “I’m sorry to do that to you, Rin.”

“It’s too late to apologise for anything now, Len,” she said. “It is what it is.”

The familiar lights of their hometown began to pass by as they reached the outskirts of their small city. It was a sight of nostalgia, and a sight of pain. How many times Rin would make this drive before it would be her last, she didn’t know. Perhaps this would be the last.

Perhaps she would never have to come here again.

One could only wish.

Len was gone. She could no longer feel the cool breath of his palm against the back of her hand, nor the piercing gaze of his lifeless eyes striking the side of her face.

She wiped her face again, turning off the ignition. She fixed herself as much as possible in the mirror, before gathering her last remaining courage to meet her parents.

Like in the past, she knew this pain, this wound, would heal with time.

And life would go on.

.

—you just don’t hear me anymore

and i know that i shouldn’t even try

it’s a waste of time

[sparrellow]

i can be ur angle or yuor devil

“I literally called you sexy. I winked at you. Then you sat on me and gave me a boner.”

It just so happens that the company's plans to revive Rin's failing idol status brings her closer to her previous partner-in-crime.

rating: T+ genre: romance/humor ships: rin/len word count:  6,974

Life in the idol world was tough.

Rin knew as much, because she, unfortunately, was an idol.

She wasn’t even sure how she got herself into this mess, but she was talent scouted at an age too young by Western standards, probably, and then forced into a duet with some bratty kid called Len.

The whole farce was that they looked almost exactly the same, and were the same age, and ‘had the same family name’ (they didn’t, but that was a long story). So, they were marketed as like, twins-by-chance-not-blood or mirror-images or gender-bend-friends or whatever.

That worked for a while, until Len went through puberty and became way too hot to duet with Rin, and his own popularity sky-rocketed so much that they were basically forced to be their own pop stars.

Alas, Rin was kind of just too damn average to go solo. Especially with more appealing talents in the charts, like Japan’s darling idol Miku Hatsune, or just, Len himself, she had no chance. All that could be concluded from this was that Rin was just too ugly and untalented.

After Meiko had heard Rin’s internal woes, she patted her roughly on the back and sighed.

“Oh, Rin. You’re not ugly or bad at singing. You wouldn’t have gotten this far if you were.”

Rin sniffled, and blew her ugly face into her handkerchief. Of course she’d started crying during the whole monologue, which made her sound and look even more ridiculous than before. “But I’m literally sucking. Even the manager has called an emergency meeting about my lack of popularity.”

That was true. Earlier that day, the manager had sent a text into the Vocaloid Idol Group Chat™ calling for an emergency meeting to save a certain idol’s plunging fanbase. Even if he didn’t name her directly, literally everyone in the group chat knew it was about her.

How embarrassing. Even Miku and Len saw it. She wanted to die.

Meiko tutted, shaking her head. “You know, you’ve been a duet with Len for almost your whole career. Everyone knows you as part of a duet. So, of course your image might suffer a little with such a sudden change as you go into solo careers. The manager just needs to figure out how to market you in a way that shows idol fans how truly spectacular you are as a solo idol. That’s all.”

Rin wailed. “That’s the thing. I’m not spectacular as a solo idol. I’m just painfully average.”

“Lies!” her companion said. “Rin, you are so cute. Like, you can take anything and make it cute. And your voice is unique, like Len’s. It doesn’t have to be like Miku’s to be special, it’s already special as is.”

She dabbed at her tears and sniffled again. Her stupid idol makeup was running down her face, making her look like she’d just crawled out of a TV set showing a horror movie. Even Miku would still look painfully beautiful crying, and not like some unfortunate Halloween-costume-gone-wrong.

“Thanks Meiko,” Rin said. “I don’t believe a word you said but thanks for trying to comfort me anyway.”

Meiko rolled her eyes, giving her another rough pat on the back. “Would you believe me if I was Len telling you all that stuff?”

The mention of Len made her ears turn pink. “Hmm,” she said, knowing the point her senior idol was making.

Meiko smirked. “That’s right.”

The brunette then left Rin to cry like a baby by herself in the private idol lobby of their record company building. To be honest, it would be humiliating if anyone else saw her like this, but she couldn’t bring herself to move somewhere more private to cry. Besides, everyone knew her career was going down the toilet.

Perhaps she would’ve been able to bounce back more if things were different, but a certain Blonde Boy with a Very Attractive Face made it all the more complicated.

Here was the catch: Rin was totally enamored of Len.

It was a bit sad, really. And it hadn’t always been so cliched-romance-story, with her pining after his very nicely shaped ass. In the beginning, they actually sort of hated each other, with her wanting to kick his ass to the moon.

He was the most self-absorbed dingus at first, and he would play pranks on her constantly. They weren’t even good pranks—like, once he put a whoopee cushion on her seat during a meeting and found that hilarious.

Of course, with time, they grew on each other and actually became very good friends. They had secret jokes with each other, they played pranks on other idols, they watched horror movies until dawn and then slept on the couch together for the rest of the week because they were too scared to sleep in their own beds.

It couldn’t be helped that Rin eventually fell for Len. Daring, mischievous, but charming Len. He always knew how to make her smile (or tear her hair out with frustration).

But for the sake of professionalism, she never dared uttering her true feelings to him—only confiding in Meiko from time to time, since she was the only Vocaloid she could trust. It sucked, but she couldn’t risk ruining the relationship between them, thus ruining their career had Len demanded they should go solo.

Of course, then they grew up. Len’s voice changed, as well as his appearance, and soon his own popularity outgrew the popularity of the duet itself. The manager made the wise choice to break them up. He went solo, with much success.

Rin, however, flopped like a suffocating fish out of water.

With his success, he moved on to doing occasional collaborations with Miku Hatsune, the record company’s most popular idol. She was, by definition, probably a global superstar at this stage. She toured internationally. She had fans of all nationalities, ages, genders, so have it. She was beautiful and cute and talented, and Len had finally made it far enough to sing with her.

It made Rin’s blood boil, because she was petty and jealous. She was also worried. Miku was just so perfect. It was inevitable that Len would fall for her, right? They were perfect for each other. Perfect people love other perfect people.

Rin blew her nose noisily and sunk back into the lounge chair. This sucked. This sucked.

Gumi appeared, having heard her meltdown, and offered some makeup wipes to fix her face. 

Rin took them graciously.

“Is this about the text from the manager in the group chat?” she asked, handing her another wipe after Rin had used up the other one.

Rin just looked at her and said nothing. There was no need to say anything.

Gumi didn’t press and fell silent. She was a nice idol. She wasn’t nearly as successful as the others, but she was quite popular in her own way. At least she was kind enough to not nag about the matter.

Another sad thing about popularity was that Len soon became distant once they parted ways. They used to be so close, but now Rin felt like she couldn’t even approach him unless approached herself. Of course they talked, but only occasionally. Their careers had drifted so far apart they barely saw each other anyway.

Had their friendship only survived because they were a duet? Was Len glad to be a solo artist now and not having to deal with her anymore? It was sad to think about.

Gumi squeezed Rin’s shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. “It’ll all work out, Rin,” she said. Then she handed her her pack of makeup wipes. “You can keep them. I have plenty of extras anyway. Take care of yourself, okay?”

“Thank you,” Rin said, watching as she jumped up from the couch and skipped off. (Probably to do better things than comfort a failing idol.)

.

Soon came the time for the not-so long-awaited yet very-muchly-apprehended emergency meeting to fix Rin’s poor career. 

She didn’t want to go. She’d rather be curled up in her room, stuffing her face with chocolate and crying over poorly-written teen romance on Netflix. But Meiko had practically dragged her to the meeting room, makeup-less and in her go-to comfort clothes: a stained, baggy sweater and yoga pants.

Rin had already been humiliated enough as is, so showing up in this state couldn’t be any worse.

Supposedly.

Like fate itself had it in for her, Len also showed up in the elevator on the way to the meeting. He did a double take when he saw her.

“Oh, Rin! I almost didn’t recognise you.”

Rin then promptly burst into tears. 

Len blinked at her in confusion and panic. “I, uh, didn’t mean that in a bad way—”

Meiko just put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. She’s just being fragile.”

He looked at Rin with an eye of concern, but said nothing more.

They filed into the meeting room in silence, and Len took a seat at a distance from her. Much to her further dismay, Miku took the seat right next to him, and they started chatting and showing each other things on their phones.

Rin didn’t know if she was going to have a tantrum or a breakdown.

The meeting began with the manager going over sales-related information, and just general, boring business things. About half-an-hour into the meeting, though, he set aside his stacks of paper, clasped his hands in front of him and leaned forward; a look that meant serious business.

Oh boy.

“I’ve discussed with both the marketing and sales department leaders as to where to go next with Vocaloid’s image. As you know, the idol market is ever-changing and in demand of fresh concepts. We’ve decided on a new image for some idols, and we appreciate everyone’s understanding and cooperation with this change.”

Translation: Rin’s career is going down the toilet, so we need to make her more interesting or something.

“Miku and Len,” the manager addressed. The pair straightened up with serious expressions. “I want you two to have a new image. You’re both our most successful idols, and your fanbase is very supportive of your every move. This is why we feel it’s best for you to take on an image of innocence and purity. You will become Vocaloid’s angels.”

Rin was already sinking down into her seat. This was going so terribly awful. Miku and Len? Angels? Together? She couldn’t even see where this was going for her.

Unfortunately, she’d find out very, very soon, as the manager then fixated his gaze on her.

“Rin. Ever since going solo, your fanbase has been dwindling and sales for both your albums, new singles, and lives, have been suffering.” Oof. “The marketing department has acknowledged this is a fault of their own, for not better marketing your image as something new and fresh after splitting from your duet with Len. We didn’t anticipate Len’s popularity to skyrocket so much that it would overshadow your own success.”

Everyone’s eyes were on her. Including Len’s.

“Your image has always been cute and innocent, and while you fit it quite well, the market is flooded too much with idols like you. That’s why we decided, you will become our devil.”

Rin almost fell out of her chair. Her entire face lit up red like a traffic light.

A devil. A devil. They were going to make Miku and Len innocent and pure, and her evil and chaotic like Satan? Wow. Wow. Rin never wanted to die more than now.

“A devil may sound bad, but we want to combine your current cute image with something mischievous, cheeky, alluring. The current idol market lacks that sort of appeal, and we believe people would become quite attracted to it. You’ll be cute, but with a twist of something dark. We think this new image will suit you quite well.”

Okay, so, Rin representing evil was like a match made in heaven? Did she radiate chaotic evil energy or something? She literally couldn’t even kill a fly without wanting to cry with guilt.

“Any questions or concerns about our decisions?” the manager asked the group.

The room was silent.

“Good,” he said with a smile. “Miku, Rin, Len. Please stay for further discussion about our next campaign. The rest of you are free to leave.”

Meiko shot Rin a sympathetic look before leaving, and once the room emptied out, the manager motioned for the trio to move closer.

“First, do you three have anything you would like to say regarding these changes?” he asked them, sorting through his paperwork to find his notes.

It was quiet a moment, before Len slowly put up his hand.

“Yes?”

“Why are Miku and I involved with this image chance if we’re fine in terms of sales and popularity?”

Big oof. But, honestly, it was a question on Rin’s mind, too. Why were they involved with this miserable attempt at reviving her career?

“While you two are both doing very well, the sales department has noticed that you two have both, er, capped for your sales, and they're no longer increasing. They predicted that it could decrease as people become bored with your current images, so in order to prevent that, we wanted to take a different approach.”

It was Miku and Len’s turn to blush.

“Besides, your popularity will help promote Rin to a larger audience, which is why your next campaign will be together.”

Rin wanted to hide under the table.

“Any other questions?”

Everyone shook their heads, so the manager moved on. “As I said, your next campaign will be together. We were thinking of doing a photoshoot to promote a popular brand of clothing, and using that as a base of your new image. Respectively, Len and Miku promoting a more soft, pure style of clothing, and Rin, promoting a more gothic look.”

Rin? Gothic? Was she going to have to change her stage name to Darkness or Elvira or Raven Way to suit her image, too?

“We’ll see how this goes. If the campaign gains enough popularity, we’ll keep moving forward, perhaps on to new songs and collaborations with each other.”

The manager then relayed the information for the photoshoot, asked for any more questions, and after receiving no further response, dismissed them.

Miku said nothing much once they left the meeting room, simply excusing herself as 'she had business to get to'. Len stayed behind, staring at the carpet between him and Rin.

“So, uh, what do you think?” he asked.

Rin looked at him. “I’m so sorry you two have to get involved with me.”

Len snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. We don’t care about that. But you care, right?”

“I guess I don’t really want to be Satan, but…” she said in a low voice.

He chuckled, and Rin’s face grew warm. “Yeah. I can understand it. But, not saying you’re evil or anything, I feel like some cute devil image would totally suit you.”

“Excuse me?”

Len dodged her elbow, stepping back. “I mean, you’re already cute. Putting angel wings on you would be boring. But you with some devil wings? I can see the appeal—”

Rin didn’t know whether to be flattered or offended. She stepped on his foot to stop him mid-sentence. “Don’t mock it!”

“I’m not,” he said with a grin. “I’m just saying, it’ll be interesting to see what they’ll do with your image.”

She flushed. “Yeah, well, I wonder what they’ll do with yours.”

He laughed and turned away, starting off down the hall. “Don’t knock it until we’ve tried it, Rin,” he said over his shoulder.

Rin sighed. He had a point… but.

Still.

 . 

She had tried it, and was ready to knock it.

Rin stared at her reflection in complete and utter mortification. Her wardrobe for the photoshoot was something she'd only be caught dead in. One outfit was a long, black dress that made her look a bit like a nun. The other outfit—her current one—consisted of leather shorts, a black corset top, fishnet tights, and lots of unnecessary ribbons.

Oh, and platform boots, but they were kind of cool.

She grimaced at the stupid devil accessories she had to wear. Seriously? A tail? Wings? Little horns? This was a nightmare.

Meanwhile, Miku could wear this pretty, floral dress and cute, frilly overall skirt. She looked so soft and fluffy and it made Rin want to throw herself into piranha-infested waters.

Len appeared behind her reflection in the mirror. He had matching overall pants to Miku’s skirt, and a frilly, white button-up shirt with a ribbon at the neck. Rin never knew she needed to see him in soft, feminine clothing until now.

“I told you it’d suit you,” he said with a shit-eating grin.

“I look like I just walked out of a 90s vampire-romance manga.”

Len snickered. “Yeah, well, you would fit in really well with the kids in Harajuku,” he said. “Anyway, you’re totally giving off cute-sexy vibes.”

“How can one be cute and sexy?” Rin asked, not sure to take what he said seriously, let alone as a compliment.

He began playing with her tail, using it to hit her in the legs. “I don’t know. But you somehow do it.”

Her face burst into flames. Thank god her makeup was thick enough to hide that (though her ears were giving away the secret).

Len then walked off, as if nothing ever happened, but that was basically his signature move. The guy was really good at making her melt and not noticing it at all.

The first shoot was with Miku, and the photographer seemed to be really into making it weirdly intimate, so it felt rather homoerotic. Not that Rin cared, because, well, even she felt slightly gay for Miku.

That aside, it was pretty uneventful. Miku was polite, and laughed when her tail kept knocking the set pieces over. 

Next was Miku and Len. Since they were ‘angels’, they did, like, angel-ly things or whatever. Looking beautiful, eating grapes and watching humans make fools of themselves. (That was what the photographer said.)

Of course, some poses made Rin’s blood curdle with jealousy as she stood to the side watching, in between the makeup and hair artist fussing about her appearance. But her prayers were soon answered as Miku was sent off set and Rin called up to start her shoot with Len.

“So, you two were partners, right?” the photographer asked, as he set them up for the first pose.

“A duet, yes,” Rin said.

“Hmm,” the photographer said, in a way that was slightly concerning.

The first few poses were fairly tame. Rin being evil, Len being good. “Steal his grapes,” the photographer ordered. “Okay, good, now look sad because she stole your grapes.”

Why were grapes even a part of this weird shoot? What did they have to do with heaven and hell, or whatever the theme was?

“So, now, Len, I want you to look sad for your partner. She’s become evil.”

Rin frowned at the directions, and Len burst out laughing in her face. “Sorry, I’m sorry,” he apologised to the photographer.

“Rin, you want to lure Len over to the dark side.”

Len snickered again, his expression faltering just for a moment. Rin rolled her eyes, and followed the directions for how she should pose.

She placed a hand on his cheek, leaning over him and pressing a finger to her lips. He looked up at her with wide eyes, and for a moment she thought it was his actual expression, before she remembered the context of the photo and yada yada yada.

The photographer repositioned them a few times, telling Rin to play with his hair and Len to act as if he was pushing her away.

The whole time, Rin could only think about how bright red her ears were, and how the photo editor would probably have to photoshop them back to a human colour.

Eventually it came to the last photo of them together.

“Okay. Len, you have given in. Your devil has lured you to the dark side.”

Rin wanted to face-palm. Len raised his eyebrows at her and winked. 

“Creep,” she muttered to him.

“Hey, you’re the one dressed in leather right now,” he said.

“Yeah, and it’s giving me a massive wedgie.”

Len snorted. “TMI, Rin.”

The photographer began unbuttoning Len’s shirt somewhat. “Rin, hold his collar and motion like you’re trying to take off his shirt.”

“Why,” she said without thinking, and the photographer stopped to look at her questioningly. Len was laughing into his hand. She cleared her throat. “Sorry, I was kidding.”

As if wanting revenge, the photographer then instructed, “Also, I want you to sit on his lap, so that you’re both facing each other.”

Len stopped laughing, checking to see if the photographer was serious. (He was.)

Rin, with the very last remaining bit of courage, reluctantly sat down so that she was straddling Len. Their eyes met, and they pretty much communicated silent apologies to each other.

She held onto his shirt as per instruction, pretending that she was unbuttoning it. A hint of his bare stomach peaked through at her, and she almost screamed.

Len was told to hold her waist. The poor boy seemed humiliated. 

Imagine having to shoot something this grossly intimate with someone you’re incredibly not attracted to, Rin thought. That was probably what was going through his brain.

After being repositioned a few times, the photoshoot between them was finally over, and Rin leapt off his legs like she had been sitting on flames the whole time.

“I’m sorry,” she said to him, and Len looked at her with surprise.

“Why are you sorry?”

“Oh, just. That pose was a bit… Uh.”

He shook his head and patted her shoulder. “No need to apologise, Rin. It’s part of the job.”

Right. Right.

It’s part of the job.

She didn’t know why those words stung as much as they did.

The rest of the shoot was fairly tame. Perhaps the photographer sensed their discomfort with that one position, but he didn’t really force them into any intimate positions after that. Thank god (but Rin was also a little disappointed, you know, because …).

Once they wrapped up the shoot and returned to regular human form, Miku suggested that they order pizza and chill out at her apartment. 

As they headed there in a taxi, Len nudged Rin and gave her this pouty expression.

“I’m so sad they didn’t let you keep the devil wings and stuff,” he said.

“Why, did you want to wear them?” Rin asked.

“No!” Len exclaimed, looking flustered at such a suggestion. “I—I—”

Miku chuckled at them from the front seat. “You two are really close, aren’t you?”

“What?” Rin said.

Miku and Len both looked at her, surprised by her response.

“I mean, we barely even talk anymore.”

A strange expression crossed Len’s face, and he opened his mouth to say something, before snapping it shut and turning away to stare out the window. Miku watched this, before looking back at Rin.

“Really?” she said. “It doesn’t seem that way to me.”

Then Miku turned back to face the front.

Rin was silent. Had she said something wrong? She thought Len would laugh about it or agree, but… 

She sighed and turned to stare out the window as well. She could tell pizza was going to be awkward.

 .

As expected, pizza was pretty awkward.

Len was very strangely serious with everything, and Miku tried desperately to lighten the mood. Eventually, Rin gave up and made some excuse about needing to get home so she could call her parents. 

She stared at her long-untouched LINE chat with Len while waiting at the station for the next train home. It was only the truth, though; what she’d said. They'd used to talk every day, whether it be in person or through text. But then one day, he'd just stopped, and so did she.

Was it her fault, or something? She had tried initiating conversation before, but they’d died rather quickly. To be honest, today’s photoshoot was the first time they’d talked that much in like, a year or so.

So why was Len so upset about what she said?

He seemed to ignore her after that, or avoided her as much as possible. Even in the followup meetings between him, Miku, her and the manager, he avoided her gaze entirely.

The manager gave them some pictures from the shoot at their last meeting, saying their photos would be in the next volume of Sara, a pretty popular alternative fashion magazine. 

One of the photos he’d given them happened to be that pose.

Rin stared at it. It felt incredibly unnatural and awkward at the time, but as a photo, it looked peaceful and natural, and the expression on Len’s face was something different, almost as if he truly was captivated by her or something. Had they mysteriously photoshopped all their humiliation out of the picture?

When she got home from work, she stuck it on the wall above her bed, alongside other photos from their many escapades in the years before. It hadn’t grown much since they went solo, so it was nice to have a new addition.

Rin still felt miserable about it all. She didn’t know if she should message him an apology, or try talking to him about it, because she just didn’t understand.

She pulled out her phone and called Meiko.

Meiko picked up on the third ring. “What can I help you with, Little Miss Devil?”

“Oh no. Let me guess. You saw the photos?”

“Of course. Miku and Len were showing everyone in the lobby. Your butt looked really nice in those pants.”

“Please don’t remind me of my trauma,” Rin moaned, thinking back to her killer wedgie. She was pretty sure she got chafing from those shorts.

“So, what’s up? You don’t just call me for small talk.”

Rin winced, realising she’d kind of used Meiko as a bit of a therapist lately.

Nevertheless.

“It… it’s Len.”

“Len, huh? What did he do?”

“It’s not what he did, more so what I did.”

Meiko was silent for a moment. “Hmm.”

Rin hesitated. “What?”

“I think I know what you did. Miku told me about what happened a few weeks ago, and was asking for context or whatever.”

“What did you tell her?”

“Nothing,” Meiko said smoothly. “Anyway, I was waiting for you to talk to me about it, because I only have one thing to tell you: Talk to him about it.”

Rin clenched her jaw. “Talk to him about it? Why?”

“Because I’m not Len and I can’t tell you what his problem is.”

“Wait,” she said. “Has Len told you about this?”

Meiko hummed. “Not specifically, but I know some things.”

Rin began to tug at her hair, anxious. “Wait. What. What does that mean?”

“Rin,” Meiko said in a firm voice. “From one experienced adult to a less-experienced adult: communication is key.”

Not letting her get another word of protest in, the woman hung up.

Rin stared at her phone in her hand. She was mentally pooping herself. What was going on? What terrible, awful thing was going to happen next?

Reluctantly, she opened her LINE chat with Len and began writing a message to him.

 .

Much to her surprise, Len agreed to meet up at a cafe on their day off. It was one of those hole-in-the-wall cafes, so not really busy anyway, and they took a seat in the far back corner of the shop, where it was more private for a serious discussion.

He was very quiet the whole time, until they’d settled into their seats. He looked up at her, sitting back in his chair. “So, what did you want to talk about?” he asked, straight to the point.

Rin hadn’t elaborated the reason for the talk or anything, let alone even thought about how she would broach the topic. “Uh, um…” she said, staring down at the menu in front of her. Did she want milk tea, or something herbal? She wasn’t sure how pleasant the conversation was going to be, and if shit were to hit the fan somehow, maybe she should avoid dairy in case her (anxious) shit were to also, figuratively, hit the fan.

Len raised an eyebrow at her. 

“About… the day of the photoshoot,” Rin finally said, settling on just getting straight to the point. “I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t realise it was going to upset you. It… I didn’t say it to hurt you, or be mean, or anything.”

He shifted in his chair, picking up his menu to read. “You don’t need to apologise for it. I know what you meant. And it’s true.”

Rin bit her lip. “But I still upset you.”

Len looked at her over the top of the menu. “I’m not looking for your apology,” he said in a low voice. “I don’t want it.”

“Oh.” Ouch.

He put his menu down. “Have you decided what you want, yet?”

“Yeah."

“What do you want?”

Rin blinked at him a few times, before acknowledging he wasn’t going to move on before she gave an answer. “Er, I’ll just get some yuzu tea.”

“No food?” he asked, pointing at the cake and sweets menu.

She shook her head, and he stood from his chair. Was he going to leave?

Then he pulled his wallet out from his pocket. “Well, I’ll get you something anyway,” he said, and left to order the food before she could protest.

Rin stared down at her knees, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. She quickly wiped them away and willed herself not to cry in front of him. Again. 

What did he mean about not apologising? What did he want, then? Was he just really, really mad at her?

She glanced over her shoulder to check he hadn’t just run away, but he was at the counter, making their order.

Right. She needed to pay him back for this, too. She pulled out her purse and checked she had enough change to give him.

“How much?” she asked when he sat down.

“No,” he said, eyes narrowing in on her purse.

Rin ignored his response, counting out her coins to give him. Before she could hand them over, he reached out and pushed her hand back to her.

“Really, Rin,” Len insisted. “You don’t have to pay me back.”

Sulking, she dropped the coins back into her purse and put it away.

They both fell into silence until their order came. Len had gotten honey toast for them to share.

It was like old times; when they used to always hang out together, when they would order something crazy like a giant parfait meant for four people and try to finish it all without making themselves sick.

Rin couldn’t help but frown.

Len paused when handing her a spoon. “Do you not like honey toast?”

“Huh?” she said, glancing up at him. “Oh, no. It’s fine.”

He raised an eyebrow at her.

Rin tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, digging the spoon into the dessert. “It’s just nostalgic, that’s all.”

Len gazed at her. 

She looked away from him, embarrassed by the very intense-and-direct eye contact he was giving her. 

He then said, “Rin, I know we’ve gone our own ways and fallen out of contact, but you do know I consider you one of my closest friends, right? Just because we don’t talk as much as we used to, or see each other that much anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t think of you as someone special to me.”

Rin flushed. She set down her spoon on the table, losing her appetite. “So, you are mad at me about what I said.”

Len opened his mouth, like he was about to protest, but then he hung his head. “It’s… not…” he said, before sighing in defeat. “It’s more so, I’m sad that… that’s how you think. I’m sad that things made you feel like we weren’t good friends anymore.”

She wanted to cry again, but held her breath in an attempt to stop the tears. “Mmmmmmm,” was all she could say.

He then rested his head in his hand, playing with his spoon in the other. “I guess maybe I’ve been a bit careless about it all and I haven’t really… thought about how you’ve been feeling. And what you said made me realise that.”

“It’s my fault,” Rin began to blubber. “I should’ve talked about it sooner rather than just making the assumption you weren’t interested in me anymore.”

Len glanced up at her, noticing her ugly crying face, and reached for a napkin to hand to her. She hid behind it, trying to silence her loud sobs.

“Rin, we worked together for so long. I couldn’t just throw away our friendship after that,” he said with a pained expression. 

Rin wiped her face and sighed. “I know. I’m being unreasonable. But… seeing you with Miku and everything, it just…”

Len snorted. “Miku and I, we’re friends, well, more like colleagues, but we don’t, you know, click like you and I do. Sure, we hang out and talk and stuff, but with you… I can just be me. You laugh at all my jokes. With Miku, it’s not like that. It’s not always fun and easy and natural like it is with you.”

Her ears began to burn. “Len…” she said. God. Just rip out her heart right there. He was saying all these nice things about them being friends, and she didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. Well, of course she was happy, but… she wished it was more than just. Friendship.

Maybe it was time she just. Laid it flat on the table. Killed two birds with one stone. Set the whole kitchen on fire and just get it all out.

Len looked at her from across the table, spoon in hand, waiting expectantly for her to continue with what she wanted to say.

Rin sucked in a breath, pushed back her tears and smacked her hands on the table, making both herself and Len jump, and also everyone else within earshot.

He blinked. “Rin—”

“Len,” she said, before realising she had no idea what she wanted to say next. She’d stood from her seat and was leaning across the table, staring at him. Her face grew warm as panic began to set in. Okay, okay, just say something at least, because this was getting awkward. “Len.”

Len gulped. “Yes?”

Rin sucked in a shaky breath. Okay. Here we go. Here we go—

“Marry me please,” she blurted.

Len dropped his spoon on the floor.

 .

Rin had never run so fast to the bathroom in her life. She didn’t even stick around to hear his response (nor see his reaction). She just high-tailed it to somewhere where she could emergency call Meiko for advice.

“I just proposed to Len,” she cried as soon as Meiko answered the phone.

There was a moment of silence, before she said, “Congratulations?”

“I’m serious,” Rin said. “I literally told him to marry me.”

“Good for you.”

“Meiko! What do I do? I can’t go back out there and face him after that!”

Meiko sighed. “Where are you?”

“In the bathroom.”

She snorted. “So you just left him there after that? Did you even wait for his answer?”

“No! Of course not! Why would I wait for rejection?!”

“How do you know he was going to reject you? Did you see the future, or something, Rin?”

“Well, no , but—”

“Rin,” Meiko said, her tone suddenly very serious. “I’m not your fairy godmother. I can’t help you out of this situation. Go back out there and talk to him. Len is your friend, isn’t he? Do you think he’d completely destroy you as a rejection? Does that sound like him? Think about it.”

Rin did think about it. “Well… no… maybe…”

“So, what are you doing? Don’t leave him there by himself to wonder what the hell is going on.”

She closed her eyes, leaned back against the back of the toilet and pinched the bridge of her nose. A few beats of silence passed, before she let out an exhale. “Okay. Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Good. Now, get your ass out of the bathroom, you disgusting creature.”

“R-right! Thank you Meiko!”

Rin hung up, sat on the toilet for a moment longer, before getting up to check her reflection in the mirror and emerge with caution from the bathroom. A part of her felt relief seeing Len still at their table, another part felt pure and utter terror.

He was on his phone with a serious expression, and she had no idea how to decipher that.

Without a word, she took her seat across from him and had a mouthful of her citrus tea (which had long gone cold).

Len glanced up, looking surprised, and just stared at her with wide eyes.

Okay.

Damage control.

Okay.

Rin took a breath. “So, um, I panicked…” she began to explain.

Len cocked an eyebrow. 

“The truth is,” she said, staring down hard at the barely-touched honey toast in front of them. “The truth is that you’re really hot.”

Oh boy. This was going south really fast.

“Thank… you?” Len said, confused.

Rin smacked her forehead. “Yeah, like, so, um, I’m, you know…”

He tilted his head. “I don’t know.”

She sucked in a sharp breath, and it all began pouring out of her mouth like vomit.

“I’ve been really attracted to you for like ever and it’s been eating me up inside and everything just feels a lot worse because I really like you and I don’t know how to handle it but you know I’m happy to just be friends if that’s not reciprocated because I never really wanted to confess my feelings to you anyway and I know it’s not professional or anything but please don’t hate me just because I like you like way more than a friend because I also like being friends with you please don’t hate me.”

Len blinked several times, processing that flood of information, before opening his mouth to speak.

Rin clapped her hands over her ears and cried, “It’s okay! You don’t need to answer! I just wanted to get that off my chest! Let’s forget this ever happened and move on.”

He shook his head at her. “No.”

She lowered her hands. No? That’s it? Just no?

Well, okay then. Alright. Cool cool cool.

Rin sat back in her chair, dazed and uncertain how to take in such a completely cold rejection.

“No, I don’t want to forget this happened,” he continued. Wait. What? He averted his gaze to the table, rubbing his hands together. “I don’t really understand why you think I’d hate you or something.”

She gawked at him. “Wh… what do you mean…?”

Len dug a hand into his hair, scrunching up his fringe in his fist. He looked up at her from under his dark lashes. “Rin, I literally flirted with you the entire photoshoot.”

Rin almost choked on her own saliva. “You—wh—huh. ”

He pressed his palms together, using his thumbs to massage the space between his eyebrows. “I literally called you sexy. I winked at you. Then you sat on me and gave me a boner.”

Her soul left her body. It just upped and left. See you later, humanity. I’m outta here.

Rin slid down in her chair, looking up at the ceiling. “I didn’t even notice,” she said, feeling like the world’s biggest clown.

“I’m surprised you didn’t even notice,” he continued. “That thing was like rock hard. I was shitting myself. I was praying so hard no one else would notice. I never felt so close to death in my entire life.”

“Not the boner, Len,” she said. “I mean, I didn’t notice that either but—the flirting. I meant the flirting.”

“Oh.”

“I just thought your pants were really stiff or something.”

“Aha… well.”

Rin smacked her palm against her forehead again. “I can’t believe it. I just thought you were teasing me for having to be a devil or whatever.”

“While that is quite hilarious, I was way too turned on by you at the photoshoot to mock the fact that we were dressed like the occult.”

She was defeated. That’s it? She’d been panicking over this for… nothing?

Wait. Wait a minute.

Meiko… Meiko had totally pushed her to do this, despite the chance of her getting rejected. Which meant…

Meiko totally knew Len felt the same way.

That… evil…!

“So, like, does this mean we’re dating, or…?” Len asked.

Rin turned beet red at the mention of dating. Dating Len. Wow. Wow. Just wow. Big fat wow.

“Y-yes?” she squeaked.

He grinned at her, a mischievous glint in his eye. “So, does that mean I can have you sit on me again?”

“Never mind I changed my mind—”

“Noooo—”

Rin smiled and sat forward, leaning across the table. She remembered the look on his face from the photoshoot, with his wide eyes staring up at her as she had leaned over him, playing with his hair. She wanted to see that look. She wanted to see it again.

Len gazed at her as she reached out and grabbed the collar of his shirt. She brought her face close to his. “Only if we go to your apartment after this. I haven’t cleaned mine for a month.”

“That’s disgusting,” he said into her face. “Sounds good.”

Then she kissed him on the lips.

It was awesome.

[sparrellow]

Say It Again

Yeah, it was at that moment I realised I had feelings for you.

rating: G genres: romance/fluff ship: rin/len

“Why do you like me?”

The question came out of the blue one night, when they were sitting on the couch watching some dramatic romance show on TV. Rin had turned her head to him while the ads were running, blue eyes illuminated by the screen.

Len swallowed and tilted his head to look at her. He cracked a grin. “Why are you asking me that?”

Their hands were knit in the space between them. Her skin was warm and clammy, but her fingers fit his like pieces of a puzzle.

Rin glanced away. “I just…” she said, faltering. Her tongue darted between her teeth. “I guess I’m still in shock.”

He watched the side of her face, glowing blue under the television's glare. “I don’t know. I… there are so many things to lo— like about you, I don’t even know where to start.”

She shifted on the chair, tucking her legs underneath her backside. “Then… how? When?”

“When what?”

“When did you realise you liked me?”

Len tore his gaze away to stare down at his knees. “I think it was back in first year, when you did that musical and got the supporting role,” he said. “You weren’t the main character, but… there was something about you on that stage. It’s like I saw you in a different light for the first time. I thought about how much I wanted to be the boy you were serenading, to be up there beside you. Yeah, it was at that moment I realised I had feelings for you.”

Rin squeezed his hand. “Romantic,” she said, a hint of cynicism in her voice.

He smiled. “What about you?”

“It’s not as… perfect as your story, but,” she paused, pursing her lips in thought, “it was the school festival, last year. You were paired off to go scout some customers with SeeU, and I was upset because you two looked really good together. I wanted to do it with you. Miku had lectured me for my sour attitude and asked, ‘Why do you care so much?’ It was then I realised. Oh.”

Len laughed. “To be honest, I wished I could do it with you, too. I thought you looked cuter than SeeU in the maid outfit, but I guess everyone defaulted to her because she’s a model.”

Rin screwed up her face. “Yeah. And you’re like, the hottest guy in class.”

“Don’t flatter me.”

She nudged him with her elbow and he yelped. “Seriously. I never thought I needed to see you in a butler costume until then. That’s enough to make anyone fall for you.”

Len waggled his eyebrows teasingly, leaning close to her face. “You want to see me in it again?”

Her lips curled. “Don’t make me change my mind,” she said.

They hovered close, eyes locked, before Rin leaned in to press her mouth against his. Her lips tasted like her favourite balm, citrus, and she smelt like her shampoo, grapefruit. She was warm and soft and inviting. He could just about drown in her touch.

She curled her fingers under his sleeve, and his hands moved to cup her face. When they parted, they pressed their foreheads together, cheeks flushed.

Len gave her a goofy smile. “Can I say something risky?” he asked.

Rin stared at him a moment, uncertainty showing. Her hand slid down his arm, stopping to rest over his hand on her cheek. “Go on,” she said.

“I love you, Rin.”

There was a beat of silence between them, where they just stared at each other. Len’s heart thrummed in his chest, anxious, and he wondered whether he’d said it too soon. She drew a finger down over his lips and to his chin, stopping there.

“Say it again,” she whispered.

He dropped his gaze, suddenly embarrassed. “Um,” he fumbled. “I love you.”

Rin tilted her head, lips mashing against his again. But as soon as she made contact with him, she drew away, the cold hitting his face like a slap.

“I love you too, Len,” she told him, her eyes twinkling.

Nothing could take away the radiant smile on her face.